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bookshelf-dust · 2 months

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i was made to love you

billy hargrove x fem!reader

gif by @suledins

word count: 1,879

warnings: teeny bit of swearing (i think?), reader has some bad experience with romantic things/insecurities/trust issues, anxious habits (lip picking), anxiety/slight panicking, otherwise quite soft and comforting

a/n: well, hello! i haven’t written for billy since october (gasp), but i’m happy to say that i finally got some inspiration for him again and i am pretty pleased with how this turned out. that inspiration was courtesy of a few prompt lists i found! the first being from this list by @euthymiaaa and the second from this list by @creativepromptsforwriting !! both of those were extremely helpful in getting me back in the groove of things. please check those blogs out!! anyway, i hope you will find some comfort in this and that you’ll enjoy. happy reading!!! <333

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“What’s the matter with you?”

Billy isn’t being mean when he asks you this. His tone isn’t cruel, but instead there’s a lilt to his voice, an almost desperate one.

He’s asking you to talk to him. The way you’ve been standoffish towards him all day is freaking him out. Your lip is raw from how aggressively you’ve chewed at it, since you’d rather do that than voice your feelings.

But he can’t take seeing you act this way.

“Come on. The windows are gonna start rattling with how you’re bouncin’ your leg, babe.”

You stop on instinct, red-stained fingernails moving back to your bottom lip.

“Nothing’s wrong, Billy. Just having a bad day.”

But that’s not totally true. Your day had been mundane at best. This feeling, your acting this way, had started when he’d shown up this morning, unannounced, with flowers in his hand. For you.

Something inside you broke upon seeing him there, knowing he’d spent money on you, knowing that for some reason he was thinking about you. You can’t understand it.

Billy gets up from his place on the couch. His socked feet move across the carpet until he’s sitting down on the coffee table in front of you. His hand grips your knee. You can’t avoid him this way, and it frustrates you even more, because why is it your attention that he wants?

“I know you better by now than to believe that,” he says firmly.

You can’t handle this. You sit up further on the couch and criss cross your legs so they’re out of his reach. You try not to notice the flash of pain across his face. You’re retreating from him and he doesn’t like it.

“Why are you doing this, Billy?”

He blinks. “Doing what?”

“Bringing me flowers. Thinking about me. Wanting to spend time with me. Touching me, calling me those names. Why do you do all of that to me?” Your voice breaks over that last word and you exhale, hard.

Billy’s eyebrows knit together. “Why wouldn’t I?”

You stare at him like he’s suddenly grown a third eye. Like it should be obvious to him why doing all of these things is wrong.

You lift your hand and rub at your chest. “Because I’m me.”

Billy lets out a huff of a laugh, looking over his shoulder like there must be some hidden camera in the room. “Yeah, and?”

Your eyes water. “Can’t you see all that’s wrong with me? There’s so many other girls you could be spending time with. So many you could love or pamper. We’re not even together and you-you’re treating me like I’m special.”

You stand up, now short of breath. Billy stands with you. You keep rubbing your chest. You slip a hand under your sweatshirt and squeeze the soft of your side, leaving fingernail imprints in your skin.

He moves quickly across the floor, recognizing that you’re starting to panic. He takes your hand in his, but keeps your clasped fingers pressed against your chest, just under your collarbones.

“You are special. To me, you’re the only girl in the world,” Billy says. But you’re not looking at him. Your eyes are glued to some spot behind his head. He presses his thumb to your jaw. “Hey. Look at me.” Your eyes find his and he follows a tear as it makes its way down your cheek. “You’re the only girl in the world.”

Your eyes flutter shut and you pull away from him.

“Th-this doesn’t make sense. I’m not the kind of girl that receives flowers or gets loved on or gets chosen. You’re my favorite person in the world, Billy, but I can’t possibly be what you want.”

He maintains eye contact with you, trying to understand why you’re behaving this way. Why you don’t believe his motives behind treating you the way he does. Like a princess.

You continue on, starting to pace. “My default is being a nervous wreck, Billy. I hate leaving the house, I don’t have any prospects, I’m not exciting…and I don’t have anything t-to offer you.”

And then it clicks.

Everything comes rushing into Billy’s mind, and he understands now, why you’re so confused, why you’re so afraid of the fact that he’s choosing you.

You’ve never had someone treat you this way. The last guy you talked to, the only guy you’ve talked to, wanted you first. But then you realized he wanted to talk when he needed something. You got attached and he took advantage of that. He dangled everything you’d ever wanted right in front of your face and then took it all away.

And now you’re trying to figure out why someone would want you.

The next words to leave your mouth snap Billy out of his stupor.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Billy swipes a hand down his face, fingers traveling to the back of his neck where he tugs at his hair to keep himself composed. Nothing is more frustrating than having the best girl he’s ever known in front of him and she can’t even see a shred of the value she has. How good she is.

He sighs. “If you think I am going to validate your pessimistic thoughts, then you’re wrong.”

You stop moving and slowly step back towards the couch. Your hands reach out for the cushions first, like you need to steady yourself or you won’t be able to sit properly.

This is the part where he’s supposed to leave. To lash out at you and say you’re too anxious, too worried. Thinking about the way those words have been said to you in the past makes you nauseous and your fingers rub at your stomach.

Billy tracks the motion and sits back down on the coffee table like he had been before. You’re trying to wrap your head around this.

You’d felt desired for a short time before Billy, and you’d felt special, having been treated like you were. But those features weren’t because of you and who you are, but because it guaranteed you’d be giving attention to someone else. Someone who fed off of that and needed it to feel satisfied. It was never because he really wanted you.

But now Billy does.

“I’m sorry, Billy. I want to be able to accept that you’re doing all of these things because your intentions are pure and because you actually like me, it’s just that my mind—it can’t comprehend that just yet.”

Billy takes your face in his hands. They’re warm and calloused and big, and your eyes fill just from the feeling.

“Don’t apologize to me. I understand where you’re comin’ from. But in all honestly, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I bring you flowers and ask to take you out and buy you books and stay the night because I want you. I’ve never wanted to do any of that with someone before. I’m not doing it for my gain. But because you…you are worth all of that. I want to make you happy. You understand me?”

You blink, and Billy’s thumb swipes the tear away before it travels down your face. You start to nod.

“I understand. Can you just…” You lock eyes with him. “Be patient with me? I’m gonna have to learn how not to be afraid o-of this and I know it’ll be hard.”

Billy knows your emphasis on “this” means a potential relationship with him. One beyond the slightly-more-than-friends thing you’ve got going on now. If he’s honest with himself, the prospect of that scares the shit out of him too, because he’s never really done this officially either. He’s always been a hookup kind of guy. The few girlfriends he had never lasted long or had some lasting emotional connection. But he knows your life hasn’t been that way. You’re afraid for different reasons. Because you think he’ll slip away and that you’ll really be the version of yourself that you see on a daily basis.

“Of course I can. I wouldn’t just give up on you because you’re kinda fucked up. That’d be pretty hypocritical, don’t you think?”

The corners of Billy’s mouth twitch. You blink at him, winded at his attempt to make you laugh.

He chuckles to himself, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. The gesture steals the breath from your lungs but makes you warm all over. You grab hold of his wrist where it still lingers near your face. Billy is drawing shapes on your shoulder.

He relaxes his arm and lets you take his hand in your own. You drag your index finger along the lines crossing his palm in every direction.This is more entertaining than anything you’ve done in weeks. Your hand slides up against Billy’s until they’re lined up at the heels, and you push against him in an effort to convey that you want to raise them.

Billy catches on. You’re trying to compare his hand to your own. He thinks it’s a silent way for you to communicate with him. Like your way of saying: I want this too. I care about you. You matter to me.

His palm is so warm. Just like the rest of him. And his hand is much bigger than yours, enough so that you hold back a shiver. You want to be able to show Billy that you feel how he does. You want to be able to use those gestures as effortlessly as he does.

So you lower your fingers until they fall between each of his. And then you’re holding hands. You give Billy a little grin, and he swears he could fucking melt. Seriously, the way you make him feel ought to be studied.

To him, spending time with you, comforting you, talking to you about the hard things, learning who you are—it’s as easy as breathing.

It’s like he was made for this. Everything up to this point has prepared him for you. He thinks that somehow, someway, he would’ve found you no matter the situation. You have always been it for him, even when he didn’t know it yet.

You take a deep breath.

I deserve this, you think. I deserve to be cherished and to hold hands. I deserve to let go and see this through.

“Maybe…maybe together we can learn to be a little less fucked up,” you finally say. “I could be easier that way.”

Billy squeezes your hand. “And maybe we’ll get more fucked up in our own special ways.”

That gets a quiet giggle out of you. Shit, he’s won the lottery.

After a moment of peaceful silence, Billy leans forward, dipping his head down so he’s looking up into your eyes. His own are so very blue this close. With those little flecks of gold.

“You deserve the world. I need you to know that. I don’t want anyone else. I want to learn you, inside and out. I want you with me. Is that okay with you?”

You look at him, at the way his curls frizz out by his ears, the way his freckles have faded because of the cold, the way his hand shakes when it leaves yours.

“That’s okay. More than okay.”

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

note: none of the gifs or images i use are mine! i get most of my images from pinterest or here, and gifs from about the same. please let me know if i ever don’t credit someone properly!

#savannah’s fics #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x fem!reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove comfort #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove oneshot #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fluff

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jwirecs · 6 months

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RECOMMENDED NCT FICS OF OCTOBER 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my nct recs of october! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Late night Company || @daegall💕💔✅

↳ in which the Gods give you a shit day, and Aphrodite makes up for it.

Safety Net || @fadedncity🔞💕✅

↳ (theres no summary but short description from me - friends to lovers + clowns)

Between Us || @neowinestainedress🔞💕✅

↳ you find yourself tangled in the life of the Suhs after Mr. Suh starts working as an English professor at your father’s university. You don’t understand why they float around you so much, but soon enough, you can’t get enough of that secret, dirty game anymore.

Birthday Boy || @writemekpop💕✅

↳ It's Renjun's birthday and all you want is a moment alone, but other people keep getting in the way...

Homebody || @daydreamingyuta💕✅

↳ bf!Jeno spending a relaxing day at home with you instead of going out.

Mine || @milliewrtes💕✅

↳ in which your boyfriend saves you from unwanted, horrible flirting

My Exception || @armysantiny💕✅

↳ Renjun’s reading time is sacred; a dedicated few hours every weekend spent with him, his wax melts, a book, and a hot drink. Though he can make an exception for y/n. He can always make an exception for them.

Spidey Boy || @martiniblues💕💔✅💯💯

↳ mark has tried to hide his secret identity from you for as long as possible, to keep you safe, of course. little does he know that you’ve untangled his web of lies long ago and will do anything in your power to get him to admit it. just when you've had enough of him lying to you, he ends up getting caught in the act trying to save your life.

Sweet Like Pumpkin Pie || @potatocitytechnology🔞✅

↳ One fall day, you decide it's time to let go of your worries. Turns out you're a natural freak in the sheets and Johnny loves it.

Target Run || @kyufessions💕💔✅💯

↳ shopping with chenle can be exhausting, especially for your first apartment together

Don't Test Me || @peanutpinet💕💔✅💯

↳ Haechan was always known as the funny, sunshine one of the whole of NCT. But that doesn’t mean that can’t go serious. Especially when it comes to his lover who is actually the opposite of him. Quiet, reserved but anxious.

Protection || @peanutpinet💕💔✅💯

↳ NCT was developing a new technology to help them expand more and help them to always be one step ahead of their enemy

12-7 Room || @zh-lele💕🔄

↳ Surviving a week to Donghyuck's charms and jokes can't be so hard... Worst case scenario, you end up completely falling for your brother's best friend.

Ghostie || @smileysuh🔞✅💯💯

↳ As one am rolls around, you start to realize that maybe tonight you won’t get a call. He is a frat boy, and this is Halloween weekend. You’re disappointed as you get into bed, frowning as you scroll on your phone, hoping that if you wait another five minutes, maybe he’ll catch you. Five minutes turns into ten, turns into fifteen, and you find your eyes beginning to shut. You’re starting to understand how much you truly have come to depend on Ghostie as part of your nightly ritual. It hurts not to get a call from your favourite voice-modulated anonymous frat boy.

I Saw Her First || @astayinwonderland🔞✅

↳ you are tired after a long day of meetings but you step into an elevator with jaehyun-- however, you don't know mark has his eyes on you too

Send In The Clowns || @smileysuh🔞✅💯

↳ “She’s not the reason we’re dressed as clowns,” Hyuck is quick to insist. He’s such a good liar. Jungwoo would almost believe it, if you hadn’t told him your Halloween clown plan. It’s no secret to you that your three frat friends all have crushes on you, so you’d decided to tell Jaehyun about wanting to fuck a clown, just to see who would actually follow through with the costume. You’d expected one, maybe two- but here are all three men, dressed as exactly what they are: clowns. And it’s obvious to Jungwoo that they think this is their own idea. As if you’re not the puppeteer behind this all. God, Jungwoo loves having you as a best friend, even if your bucket list includes a frat clown Halloween orgy with three of his best friends.

Somebody's Watching Me || @neocentral🔞✅💯

↳ (no summary, but somnophilia)

The Only Exception || @jaylaxies🔞💕💔✅💯

↳ mark was overprotective and he didn’t fail to show it, warning all the guys to stay away from you, his best friends were no exception. so, how will you make it work when you return back after graduating school, only to find that your crush is paying more attention to you than ever? it most certainly doesn’t help that it’s lee donghyuck, to whom, you are strictly off limits.

Treat You Better || @luvyeni🔞💕💔✅💯

↳ renjun hates your boyfriend, he certain he can treat you better

ASAP || @yeonjunszn💕✅💯💯

↳ you’re not exactly the best barista at zhong coffee, but for some unknown reason (his massive crush on you), mark thinks you can do no wrong. sick and tired of his favoritism and your lack thereof due to absolute obliviousness, your coworkers are determined to fix this problem. asap.

Enchanted To Meet You || @liliansun💕💔✅💯

↳ college was enough to deal with, barely passing classes and struggling to keep up with what was going on in each was a daily struggle. not having time to catch someone’s eye was fine with you, that was until you met him. there was something about him that was enchanting, so you went out to find him, hoping you kept him up the same way he did you.

The Deal || @xrenjunniesx💕✅💯

↳ when a boy you didn’t know all too well asks for your number, you decide to make him work for it. when he asks for the second time, you make a deal with him.

NCT 127 Texts || @kumoseiza💕✅💯

↳ Couple Costumes

10:04AM || @gyeomsweetgyeom💕✅

↳ (soft renjun is superior)

16:47 || @lovesuhng💕✅

↳ "Don't be afraid to cry in front of me, I've got you."

9:35PM || @gyeomsweetgyeom💕✅

↳ (hyuck is a menace but hes their child)

Do check out all of the other NCT Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

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k-evans-reads · 1 year

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In Living Color

Chapter 13 - Part Three

Summary: When Natalie Marton, lead character designer for Buzz Lightyear, meets the voice of Buzz, Chris Evans, the sparks are undeniable. But when their work pushes them away from each other, both physically and emotionally, will the sheer differences between their worlds be enough to force them apart?

Pairing: Chris Evans x Pixar Animator OFC Natalie Marton

Word Count: 5,128

By: @k-evans-writes and @ourfinest-hour

We do NOT give permission for our works to be reuploaded, translated, or reposted on any other site. Our work is our own.

Warnings: None.

Previous | Main Masterlist | In Living Color Masterlist

October 30th, 2021

“Nat! Are you almost ready? We’re going to be late!” Chris yelled down the hall as he glanced at his phone, seeing the time passing with not much left before Tara’s party started.

“Yeah, be ready in a second!” Her voice echoed.

Satisfied with her answer, Chris plunked down at a kitchen chair and put his hand out for Dodger, letting the pooch sniff him before his tail began to wag when Chris scratched him. As Chris sat there at the kitchen table, he couldn’t help but feel excited at the night ahead. When he was back home in Boston, he loved being able to spend time with his lifelong friends, surrounded by the people who had known him since he was that dorky teenage theater kid. Some of these people had become like his family and it felt so good to be able to introduce Nat into this group, knowing that they’d all fall in love with her just as easily as he had.

Tara’s Halloween party had felt like the perfect place to bring her too, it being a more low pressure and fun environment but even now, only a half hour before the party began, Nat still wouldn’t tell him what her costume was. He had decided on Crocodile Dundee, one of his favorite movies from the 80’s and had even completed the look with a blow up alligator that Nat had gotten him. Although he’d been bugging her for over a week to try to find out what plans she had for her costume, she wouldn’t say a word.

Being the wildly creative artist that she was, he knew it’d probably be something a little more out of the box but when she finally rounded the corner into the kitchen, Chris couldn’t stop himself from flopping backward in his chair, a hand flying to smack his chest and a loud hysterical laugh pouring out of him as he pushed out through his rapid fire laugh, “What is that?”

“Hello, I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” Nat told him with an accent so bad that even a children’s theater production would have criticized it.

“I can’t believe that’s your costume,” his laughter was still bubbling out while he took in her entire look, asking, “What is that mustache put on with?”

“I drew it on with my eyebrow pencil,” Nat told him before a smirk appeared on her lips, noting that, “It looks better than the one you had earlier this year.”

At the comment, he rolled his eyes even though he was full of amusement and asked her, “Still never going to let me live that down?”

“Nope.”

Chris finally stood up, ready to get going but when he took another look at Nat in that costume, he burst into laughter yet again. She was about to be meeting almost all of his lifelong friends for the first time and yet she’d chosen to dress in a costume complete with a mustache. But that was just the epitome of Nat, completely unafraid to be herself, and that was one of the things he loved the most about her.

“I have to say,” Nat began, pulling his attention to her and letting him see the way her eyes were raking him up and down before her hands came out to rub his bare chest that was showing underneath the small vest he had on. “I really like this choice of costume for you.”

“You’ve got a thing for Croc Dundee, don’t you?” He smirked, arms coming to wrap around her waist.

“When he looks like you, yeah,” was her easy response.

Chris smiled as he leaned down to press their lips together, his eyes closing as he focused just on the feeling of her lips on his while her hands rubbed around his sides before he felt them rubbing along his back. He always loved feeling her touch, loving her hands on his skin and he shivered slightly from the way her fingers trailed down his back before coming down to squeeze at his firm ass, making him feel warm from the inside out. He started to not care about the fact they might be late to the party and instead began to wish they would be late, but when he pulled back momentarily to catch his breath and his blue eyes fluttered halfway open, his hands dropped from her as he burst into his loud laughter yet again.

“I’m sorry, I just cannot take you seriously with that mustache!”

“You didn’t seem to mind a minute ago,” Nat smiled as her arms wrapped around him again but even with that beautiful smile, he couldn’t help but keep snickering when he saw that fake mustache above her lip.

“Well I mind when I have to look at it!” he said through his loud laughter as he turned to grab his phone off of the counter and look over to check that Dodger had plenty of water.

They headed out of the front door once Nat got a notification that their Uber was there, discreetly booked under her name. As they headed towards the driveway, they slipped face masks on, quiet once they got into the car. She made small talk with the driver for a few minutes as Chris stayed quiet, letting Tara know they were on their way and would be there soon.

The party was in full swing once they got there, with much of Chris’ longtime friend group in the open living space, laughing with drinks in hand while dressed in various full costumes. Once they stuck their masks in Nat’s bag, he started introducing Nat to everybody as Nick, one of his high school buddies, brought him a beer and offered Nat one as well. But it wasn’t long before Tara, the hostess and his longtime best friend, found them near the kitchen.

Nat was whispering something to Chris with a chuckle as Tara walked up to them, a large smile on her face as she said, “I finally get to meet the famous Nat.”

Nat glanced at Chris oddly, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. “I’m not sure that I want to know what I’m famous for,” she laughed as she shook her head.

Tara didn’t hesitate to reassure Nat, “Mostly for Chris never shutting up about you.”

“I left out the fact she has that mustache though,” he smirked, looking down at Nat with a chuckle as she rolled her eyes. “She’s a little self conscious about it.”

“He’s just jealous that mine is better than his ever was.”

Tara’s eyes widened as she took a sip of her drink, smirking as she agreed, “That last one he had was hideous.”

“And Nattie started dating me with that mustache so the joke’s on her,” Chris chuckled, smirking once Nat rolled her eyes.

“Yeah and I told you it had to be shaved before you came back into the country,” she muttered, but a faint smile appeared on her lips as his arm wound around her waist. He remembered the threat well, one that he’d made sure to follow before he even began packing up for his flight back to Massachusetts in July to get Dodger.

“I’m just glad I never had to see it in person,” Tara laughed as Chris rolled his eyes. After pausing to sip her drink again, she gestured to Chris and told him, “I like the Croc Dundee costume though, that’s so good!”

But at Nat’s huff of laughter, he knew she couldn’t help but interject her usual sarcasm, not one to skip out on the chance to embarrass him a little. “He just is using Halloween as a chance to be half-naked,” she informed Tara, squirming with a laugh as Chris’ hand squeezed her rear. “He wants to remind everyone he’s still ripped even though he’s old.”

He took a long sip from the bottle in his hand, shaking his head as he murmured, “Careful there Nattie, I seem to recall someone has a birthday soon.”

“Yeah to turn thirty-four,” she laughed just before she indulged in some of her drink, then reached to tuck a strand of curls behind her ear. Her eyes were moving over the party throughout the home before they returned to Chris and Tara. She met Chris’ eyes with a genuinely happy smile and he returned it, knowing how happy he was that she was here with his friends.

He shook his head as the women laughed, telling them, “You know, I’m really regretting bringing you to this party already.”

“What because then you can’t have all the spotlight and show off your muscles?” Nat asked as she bumped his hip with hers playfully.

He ignored Nat, but tightened his arm and brought her closer to him as he turned his attention to Tara, informing her, “Tara, I think we need to change this party and only allow people over forty in.”

But Tara’s brows furrowed and she frowned almost instantaneously, protesting, “No way, I like her!”

“See? You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Nat smirked, looking up at Chris with a mischievous expression. He rolled his eyes before he pressed a kiss to her forehead as she said, “Tara, can I ask where your bathroom is?”

Tara nodded, pointing to the hall near the back door, instructing Nat, “Yeah it’s right down the back hallway on the left.”

Nat leaned up to peck Chris’ lips and handed him her beer before she slipped out of his embrace and headed towards the bathroom. He watched her until she disappeared from sight, unaware of his grin until Tara laughed, shaking her head at the dopey look on his face.

“Okay I like her already,” Tara decided, taking a fresh drink from her husband, Will, as he passed by on his way to the living room.

The grin remained on Chris’ face as he nodded, telling her knowingly, “That’s pretty much a theme with Nat. Nobody can usually go more than five minutes without liking her.”

“I think she’s going to fit in with everyone really well. She certainly can hold her own and bust your chops,” Tara smiled, her voice dropping before she asked, “How did it go the other day with her meeting your family?”

“It went great, they all love her already,” Chris supplied. It truly had gone better than he’d imagined, with Nat fitting right into their chaos without missing a beat. He knew they’d grown up in both wildly similar and wildly different ways, with circumstances, locations, and styles, but it’d felt as if Nat had grown up alongside the family with how well she’d adjusted, in a matter of minutes, to their craziness. “Ma is crazy about her. I’ve never seen her like a girlfriend of mine this much before.”

“I think I can see why,” Tara assured him. She paused for a moment, her eyes studying Chris, before asking, “...You’re really happy, aren’t you?”

“God, I am Tara,” he confessed. He’d never gone much longer than a day without being so insanely happy it’d scared him since he and Nat had gotten together, minus the chaos of needing to clue Meghan into the PR storm. Nat made him happy. She made him feel safe, loved, and wanted, in a way he never had before. He missed her so much while he had been alone in Boston the last month that he’d come close to going back to Los Angeles several times. He never had that feeling before, the feeling that made him want to be somewhere he actively dreaded in any other circumstance. But Nat was there. Los Angeles was her base, and as long as she was anywhere, he’d follow her there.

“Nat seems like a special girl,” Tara mused, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“She’s more than that,” he admitted, shrugging as he pursed his lips. “She’s… my best friend.”

And those words that so easily came spilling out of his mouth almost surprised him. It was the first thing that had popped into his brain even though he’d never cognizantly thought about it, but hearing himself say it made him realize just how true it was. Nat had so effortlessly become his best friend in every sense of the word. Whether he was happy, tired, stressed out, or unsure about something, Nat was always the first one he turned to. She was his source of comfort, understanding, laughter, and wisdom and he knew that she was the only one he wanted to fill that spot in his life.

Those feelings were only solidified as the party was in full swing and Chris watched Nat easily fall in with his friends, most of whom he’d known almost his entire life. It wasn’t surprising to him to be able to see her so easily charm everyone, laughing and joking around with everyone as if they had known her just as long as him. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t already known just how hopelessly in love with Nat that he was, that was a fact that was painfully obvious to him almost constantly, but having her here with him in Boston was that last missing piece that sealed the deal for him. Seeing Nat finally meeting his family and friends and fitting in so easily only reminded him that she truly was the one for him. She was the girl he was starting to believe would only be true in his dreams, but here she was, and she was his.

October 31st, 2021

Chris glanced down at the display of the car as Nat changed the radio station, smiling faintly to himself at the happy look on her face. Getting to spend time with Nat in Boston had felt like heaven to him, but as her return flight to Los Angeles lingered over their heads, he knew their time together was coming to a close.

So far, her last full day with him in Massachusetts had been spent exploring his old stomping grounds, driving by the youth theater he so fondly remembered, his schools, and a few houses he grew up in before his mother moved into her current home. He showed her all over with a smile on his face as he recalled story after story full of laughter, Nat’s hand squeezing his thigh softly each time she fell into laughter as she got to hear each and every memory.

Once they’d returned to the house in the early afternoon, they had enjoyed the slow afternoon just eating lunch, walking Dodger and spent the rest of the time fully connected as they tangled in the sheets in his comfortable bed. It was growing darker as they laid together, Chris just loving the feeling of having Nat laying on top of him, his hands running up and down her bare back after they’d worn each other out for the second time, but their quiet moment was interrupted when he felt a rumble in her stomach.

Although they couldn’t seem to rouse themselves to life right away, eventually they made it into the shower so they could get ready for one meal together. Once they were both ready and Dodger was set to be alone for a few hours, they headed to the car and towards town, where Chris had booked a table at one of his favorite restaurants. They figured that given the discretion his hometown commonly gave him, along with the holiday tonight, they’d be able to fly relatively under the radar, and that was a risk he was willing to take at this point. He’d only been able to take Nattie out a couple times before, with them having spent most of their time in California in their own homes, and he wanted to go all out for her tonight.

He was navigating the car through the back roads as Nat’s phone buzzed in the cupholder. She hummed along to the song playing softly over the speakers, but soon she laughed loudly as she read the message.

“Alex just sent a text in the family group text announcing that she is still pregnant and not very happy about it,” she told Chris, unlocking her phone with a swipe of her thumb with a smirk on her face.

“I’m sure not,” Chris chuckled with a shake of his head, his eyebrows furrowing as he wondered, “Isn’t she a week overdue?”

“A week and a half,” Nat corrected as she finished typing on her phone and slid it into her bag. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her rest her head back against the headrest and look over at him as she said, “She’s so ready for that baby to come out.”

“Did they finally decide on a name?”

“They’re still deciding but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be Jack. That seems to be the one they keep coming back to,” she informed just as Chris pulled into the parking lot and parked the car. Their conversation halted for a long moment while they climbed out of the car, Chris locking it and sliding the key in his pocket before he tossed an arm around Nat’s shoulders as they walked toward the doors of the restaurant.

He couldn’t help but feel so happy as he felt Nat lean in against his frame while they walked, making him feel the need to press a soft kiss to the top of her head, just so content that he has his Nattie here with him. It felt so good to not be looking over his shoulder here, being able to just walk into one of his frequented restaurants with his arm around the girl that he loved and be tucked into a back corner table across from her. Chris knew he had an ear to ear smile on his face as he looked across the table at her, seeing those cute curls and sparkling eyes shining as she finished out her thought from the car and wistfully mused, “I can’t wait to get to hold that baby.”

“Do you think you’re going to fly up there once he’s born?” He asked as he took a sip from the water glass in front of her, eyes locked on Nat’s instead of the menu in front of him.

She frowned, glancing down at the menu resting in front of her before admitting, “I don’t think so. I really want to but with taking time off to come here and how much work we have, I just don’t think I can.”

“And you’re going to be back there in just a couple weeks for Thanksgiving,” Chris added with a nod. He felt bad that he indirectly made Nat unable to visit home, but he quickly pushed that guilt aside, knowing Nat would’ve spoken up – like she had in the beginning of the month – if she didn’t want to come in favor of seeing – what she had theorized – baby Jack in the next week.

“Exactly so it just makes sense to wait,” she agreed with a shrug, smiling as the waiter dropped off her glass of wine and his beer at the table. She took a sip of the glass of red before adding, “Besides, with Heather, my dad, and Alex’s in-law’s, there will be enough help the first few weeks without me.”

He smirked as he drank some of the beer, leaning back in his seat and telling her, “I have a feeling my phone is going to be blowing up that whole week you’re home with thousands of pictures of that baby.”

“Oh you know it will,” she assured him before she paused, shifting a bit in her seat. “But there was something I wanted to ask you about Thanksgiving…”

“What’s that, baby?” He asked, his brows raising as his eyes locked onto hers curiously.

“Well, I wanted to see if you might like to come home with me for Thanksgiving,” she offered, a hopeful look on her face. She looked more tentative than she had in a long time, almost nervous. But he was able to quell those fears with his answer.

“Nattie, I’d love to,” he immediately said, knowing that it was true. He had already tossed around the idea of inviting her to come back here and spend Thanksgiving with his own family but had decided on forgoing that with Alex having her baby. Chris knew that there would be no way Nat would want to miss out on being around her brand new nephew and he certainly didn’t blame her. As much as he was bubbling with excitement over being invited to a holiday with her, he wanted to ask, “Is your family alright with that?”

“They’re actually the ones who brought it up,” Nat laughed softly while leaning back in the booth, her hands motioning back and forth as she explained, “I had wanted to invite you and was going to ask them, but Heather is the one who asked if I’d bring you.”

A hand came to rest on his chest as he honestly told her, “I’d be honored to come.” Chris felt his brain churning as he thought through his schedule for the next month, knowing he really only had a few ASP things to do before some reshoots in December and thought out loud, “I was planning on coming back to California for your birthday so maybe I’ll just stay and then we could go to Seattle the week after.”

“You won’t find me complaining about getting to have you longer,” Nat’s smile was shining as she gazed across the table at him, but their moment was briefly interrupted when a waiter came over. Both of them shared a soft laugh, realizing they had barely looked at the menu but each made a quick decision and put their order in, soon being alone once again.

Chris’ eyes flickered down when he saw Nat’s hand reaching across the table, opening up her palm and silently asking for his touch which he gladly gave as he put his hand in hers and held it gently as she looked at him with nothing but happiness on her face as she told him, “I’m so excited that you’re going to come.”

“I am too,” he honestly spoke before his mind started to drift at the one plan coming up that he hated she wasn’t part of, muttering, “I still wish you could come with me and my family to Disney World after Thanksgiving.”

He still hated looking at his calendar and seeing the trip that he looked forward to every single year with the people he loved most and knowing that she wasn’t going to be there. Chris wanted to have her there with him, sharing in that special memory but when they had talked it through a few weeks ago, both of them had admitted what they didn’t want to and that was the fact that it would be better if she didn’t go. Between having not met his entire family at that point, and knowing they’d have at least one person taking photos of them, it seemed like an illogical choice to have her come, but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t still disappointed.

“I do too, but I think we made the right choice,” Nat nodded while tucking some of her curls behind her ear with her free hand as she went on, “Having that picture leak this past summer was stressful enough but at Disney World, we’re assured of having someone take our picture.”

“Yeah…” he trailed off with a sigh, just staring down at their intertwined hands as he shook his head. “I’m really sorry, Nat. I’m sorry that it is this way.”

Chris couldn’t help but feel guilty about it all. He loved being able to act, having a creative profession be his life, but sometimes he hated what came along with it and that it affected the people that he loved most. Sometimes he still found himself wishing that he could go on vacation, head to a baseball game, or out to a movie and have his arms around Nat without having to worry about someone sneaking a picture of them and the inevitable storm that would follow on the internet.

“It’s okay, Chris. It’s not your fault,” Nat’s hand squeezed his as she looked at him with resolve in her eyes, going on to reassure him, “And I want you to know that when it comes time that we need to be public, I’ll be okay.”

He knew it was true. He knew that Nat would be alright and that she could handle it, but he hated that she had to. Chris hated so much of what came with fame for himself, let alone what it brought to the people that he loved. Normally nearly six months into a relationship he wasn’t that worried about it yet, but with Nat it was different. He knew that this was going somewhere. This wasn’t some fling or passionate romance that would burn out. This was something special, but with that came the knowledge that this was going to affect her even more than it already had and he hung his head while acknowledging, “I just know that this isn’t what you want and I’m just sorry you have to deal with all of it just because you’re with me.”

“I guess you’re worth it,” Nat playfully joked with a soft squeeze to his hand, getting his attention and waiting for his eyes to meet hers before she continued, “But I mean it Chris, I will be okay when the time comes.”

“I promise I’ll handle it better than I did before.”

“We’ll handle it together,” she stated firmly before her tone softened, “For now I’m pretty content having it be just us, though.”

“Me too, Nattie,” his low voice rumbled before he gently lifted her hand to place a sweet kiss in the palm of her hand.

“I’m really going to miss you when I go back tonight,” she whispered, a sad smile on her face as she looked across the table at him. “This weekend has been so perfect.”

His shoulders slouched a bit in relief as he laughed to himself, shaking his head as he confessed, “I was really hoping that you’d like it here in Massachusetts.”

“I do like it here,” she assured him, then paused and surprised him as she admitted, “But I mostly like it because I love seeing you here.”

Chris’ brows furrowed in confusion, unsure what she was saying. He knew he lived almost two separate lives for the last two decades of his life – there was the Chris who spent most of the years working on sets and walking red carpets, then there was the Chris who grew up in Sudbury and loved being back home with his family, childhood friends, and his dog…. And now Nat. But still, he felt as though the lines had become blurred in the last few years, with work dropping steadily post-Marvel when he intended to take some time to relax after a busy few years, but then with the pandemic he spent more time back home in 2020 than ever intended. And he was happy then, don’t get him wrong, getting to be with his family nearly daily and no work upcoming, but he craved getting to spend his life with someone. He never anticipated that going to that morning meeting in February would set them on this path together, coincidentally during one of his busiest seasons in a long time, but 2021 had become the happiest year yet… and it was all because of spending so much time getting to know Nattie in Los Angeles. “What do you mean?” He asked her.

“I just love getting to see you be able to relax,” she murmured with a shrug, her eyes looking around for a moment before landing on him, a soft easy grin on her lips as Nat explained, “You’re just so… happy here.”

“I am happy here,” he easily agreed. He knew so much of being here and choosing to live in the area was because of the fond memories from his childhood and youth, but also because this is where his entire family was still based. They still came home for every holiday, every birthday, and event, and getting to have a close-knit circle still felt essential to Chris with all the chaos that came along with his career. But so much of those thoughts now centered on what it meant for him and Nat, what luxuries it provided him given the unspoken discretion and privacy the town provided him with. They wouldn’t have to worry about paparazzi lingering on every busy street corner, impeding on their privacy. “I love being able to run errands with my Ma and take Dodger out for walks and have my own home that actually feels like a home. But having you here made it even better because we finally were able to go to the grocery store, and out to breakfast or for drives without having to look over our shoulders. I love being able to just live my life with the people that I love here.”

Her smile grew into a pleased one, one that told him she understood every word. “I’m really happy that I get to be one of those people,” she whispered, squeezing his hand before she straightened up, the slightly-giddy expression remaining.

“I am too, Nattie. I love you so fucking much and seeing you here with my friends and my family only reminds me just how thankful I am to have you in my life,” he whispered, watching as her eyes grew damp at those words just as the waiter came by with their food.

They enjoyed their last few hours together, talking about Nat's recent invitation to be featured at an upcoming art show, and before Chris knew it, he was sitting in the driver’s seat of his car, watching Nat’s retreating figure as she headed into the departures terminal at Logan International alone, her suitcase rolling next to her. The entire drive home was spent in thought, even as Nat sent him texts and let him know when she got through security and made it to the gate. He missed her so much already, and as if it was possible, his home and town felt emptier without her presence. He knew she was it for him, and while that thought would have scared him this early on in any other relationship, it only made him more excited to get to see her in just nine short days.

A/N: We hope you enjoyed Boston just as much as they did! We can't wait to hear your thoughts ❤️

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wave2tyun · 4 months

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sooo, hello!!🥹💞 or welcome back!!!!

i don’t really know how to start this, at first i prepared a pretty long text because i wanted to explain why exactly i deactivated and what has been happening, but in the end i chose to scrap that and not get into in detail because it’s all related to my personal life and it's probably better to just keep that private, plus it’s some pretty heavy stuff as well, and i don't want to load that onto you. so this has kind of turned into a ramble instead amdbjdn

truth is that i have been struggling, a lot. october was one of the worst months mentally for me, which is when i chose to deactivate. at some point i did start slowly feeling better and i wanted to come back on here earlier than this but then things got worse🙂 like so much fucking worse😭😭 it’s still hard to believe and it still hurts and i almost can’t stop thinking about it, but looking back, i’m at least glad about getting through things the way i did- because i feel like the me one year ago would have acted and handled those situations so differently, or maybe i would have barely been able to handle them at all.

in the midst of it all, i started to lose my passion for writing. writing stopped being a form of escapism or a way for me to use my creativity. it just felt like a burden. whenever i wanted to write and opened up a doc i just felt paralyzed only by looking at it. i couldn’t get anything out, nothing for days on end. i felt like i was losing myself, in multiple aspects, not just writing, and the disappointment that overcame me only added more and more to my stress.

and i’m not going to lie, i’m still struggling a lot to write again :’) but i do want to give it another try. maybe it’s the fact that i first started out last year in december that is kinda making my heart tingle for it again andbjsns this period of time feels nostalgic:(

however, due to personal reasons (not regarding anyone on here, just to make that clear) i’d feel much safer and much more at ease to continue with a different username, i hope you guys can understand. i do feel very attached to my previous one but i really want to be able to post comfortably.

i do kind of regret deleting my other blog because of all the memories i’ve lost, but at the same time i’m also happy i did it because in a way it allowed me to fully choose to work things out and focus on myself without feeling burdened or rushed.

i don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to post something new. i’ve been working on multiple things at once but the progress has been quite slow ambdkdn but at least it’s something!!!! so it might take a long time, it might also not. i don’t know, i’m just gonna let things be and let them happen whenever they happen. maybe you guys can also tell me some of the fics i should repost?? i won’t do them all at once cause they were quite a lot and that would clog up the tags anbdjdnd + i also need to proofread them again cause most of the time i’d do that directly on tumblr before posting🥲

soooo yeah. if you’ve read through this whole post, i really appreciate it!! :(<33 i’m happy to return on here while being in a better state, and if there’s anybody who would like to talk, do feel free to send me a message or an ask!! i’m still at home on winter break, but i will go on a trip pretty soon😔✊🏻 just so you know in case i might be slow with posting/replying!!

i hope 2024 will treat both me and you well. i hope it can be a year of growth and love, a year where we can freely let go and start anew. in a world where you constantly get beat down for everything i still want to choose to be gentle, sensitive, and soft. i love you guys!!!! :(💞💓💖💘💞💓💞

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humblequestvinyl · 1 year

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GOOD FRIENDS

GOOD FRIENDS, ROBBY KEENE X FEM!READER

APART OF THE HUMBLE QUEST SERIES

SUMMARY: through thick and thin, two childhood best friends reflect on their friendship the past 17 years at a concert.

inspired by good friends by maren morris

cw: bad eating habits, cheating, bad parenting, swearing, parents fighting

lowercase intentional! wordcount:1.3k

a/n: i started watching cobra kai three days ago and already had a fanfic series/writing blurb??? HELLO??? thank u swae for that. anyway, one more after this and then the HQ series is over #emo.

OCTOBER 10TH 2022

“OKAY KEEP THEM CLOSED,”

robby kept his hands over y/n’s eyes as the two walked through her house, and towards her living room where robby swore her birthday present was. “alright, now open.”robby instructed, stepping back and to the side of y/n. the girl cautiously opened up the card, taking note of the bag that it was sitting on.

her eyes scanned the card, with a piece of paper folded up taped against one of the sides. slowly taking it off, she opened up the paper, with tears instantly filling her eyes, “you did not!”

“we did.”robby laughed as the girl flung herself into his arms with joy, “everybody chipped in to get the tickets.”

“i couldn’t have us not go scream out our song live y/n/n.”robby grinned, causing the h/c girl to throw her head back laughing.

two vip tickets to see maren morris live at the hollywood bowl, for the two to go see in three days.

it was the one concert y/n wouldn't stop talking about. why would she! it was her favorite artist at one of her favorite venues. tickets had sold out almost instantly, leaving y/n to believe she’d be sitting outside the venue, listening to her favorite songs from there.

“robby! we’re going to see maren freaking morris!”

CAUSE WE’RE GOOD FRIENDS, WE DON'T ASK WHY.

WE JUST SHOW UP AT EACH OTHERS HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

DECEMBER 10TH 2021

HEARING HIS FRONT DOOR OPEN,

robby keene’s head shot up, with a baseball bat in his hands, and slowly walked to the door, threatening whoever was trying to break into the apartment at 1am.

“woah! slow your roll karate kid!”

robby’s eyebrows furrowed as he dropped the bat that was in his hands, “y/n/n what the hell are you doing here?”

“i got bored and my parents are fighting again.”y/n shrugged, placing a few bags on the counter, “plus i come bearing our favorite ice cream and some coke we can have.”

“its a school night.”robby pointed out, and y/n rolled her eyes, “since when have we ever cared about that?”

“alright good point.”

robby grabbed two spoons before joining the girl on the couch as she put on victorious, the show they deemed as theirs. handing the spoon to his best friend, he watched as she pulled out their favorite drinks, and placed the pepsi in front of robby.

the two sat in silence for awhile, before y/n turned to robby, “sometimes i wish we went to hollywood arts y’know?”

“finally be able to paint as much as i wanted, and for you to be able to showcase the karate more.”she went on, and robby stared at her for a few moments, expecting something to follow.

“live up to what we actually want to be, not just some kids from broken families.”

wrapping an arm around the girls shoulders, he wrapped her in a side hug, bringing her more comfort than he knew, one the both of them needed.

“we’ll get there, with or without hollywood arts.”

WE GOT HISTORY,

NO CONDITIONS,

OCTOBER 13TH 2022,

WALKING INTO THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL HAND IN HAND,

y/n’s hair was done in a half up, half down bubble braid situation, with leather pants on and a red crop, claiming she was in her ‘hero era’, even though the two knew that in reality, the album she was relating to the most right now was humble quest.

“i can’t believe it came with the bracelets and everything!”y/n exclaimed as the two made it to their seats, right in front of the stage, before taking the bracelets out of the vip box, “here.”

slipping one of the multicolored bracelets over robby's wrist, and putting the other on hers before taking a photo of it.

“see look its us!”y/n wore a wide smile, referring to how the two always claimed to be ‘good friends’ through thick and thin, and robby smiled.

“it really is.”

I SWEAR TO GOD ON MY HEART,

NOBODY WILL KNOW YOU LIKE ME

APRIL 17TH 2021

“C’MON N/N, LET ME IN.”

robby knocked against the girls locked bedroom door, and he heard a groan from the other side of it, “leave me be! let me wallow in my self pity of being cheated on!”

“i did, for two days.”he told her, and he heard ‘all too well (10 minute version) being played loudly from the tv, “now c’mon, let me in.”

“no!”the h/c girl shouted back, before turning up the music to full blast. rolling his eyes, he pulled out his phone, before taking a picture of the bags in his hand, and sending it to the girl.

robby 👹

i have emili’s, in & out, AND two pink drinks

read 8:05pm

robby 👹

pls open the door so i dont

have to eat this alone

read 8:05pm

hearing footsteps approach the door, the lock clicked and the door opened slightly, revealing the girls e/c eyes, “do you have a cannoli?”

“of course.”robby gave her a shocked look, “you ask this as if i don’t know you.”

the door fully opened, and she quickly took the pink drinks and bag from emili’s, before retreating back to her bed. robby soon followed, closing the door behind him, and tore open the in and out bag.

“eat.”robby nodded towards the girl, and she stared at him, “c’mon i know you and your shitty eating habits, eat.”

“wow way to call me out there.”she mumbled, before taking a cheese burger, and starting to eat it as robby changed her music.

“hey!”

“if we’re going to listen to music, we’re going to listen to your happy playlist.”robby told her as delicate by taylor swift came on, and she pouted, “let me wallow in self pity.”

“no.”

the two sat there for awhile, listen to the playlist while eating, before y/n looked over at robby, staring at him for a few moments before speaking up, “you really know how to cheer me up don’t you?”

“you learn a thing or two within sixteen years.”robby shrugged, with a teasing smiling spread across his lips, “i also figured you hadn’t had your starbucks in a few days either.”

“we really are good friends.”

OCTOBER 13TH 2022

“WE DON'T ASK WHY.”

robby and y/n sang as they looked at each other with the biggest smiles spread across both of their lips, “we just show up at each others house unannounced in the middle of the night.”

“we got history, no conditions,”they continued, with such a euphoric feeling filling y/n, “you don’t ever have to worry, yeah i’ll keep you sturdy.”

“cause we’re good friends.”

there was something so euphoric hearing a song that meant so much to the two, knowing how it fit the best friends to a t. through thick and thin the two had stood with each other no matter what, and being their when the other called for help, even if it were for help on a math assignment.

they were good friends, and it’d always be like that for the two.

pulling out her camera, y/n video taped the two as the song began to end,

“oh, good friends.”

#robby keene x reader #cobra kai #cobra kai robby #robby keene #humble quest writing series #humble quest #tory nichols #robby keene imagine #robby keene headcanons #robby keene x y/n #cobra kai headcanons #cobra kai x reader

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farfromstrange · 9 months

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Hello everyone,

Putting a read more for those who are not interested and just want to stop scrolling. This is a life update from me to you.

But I’d be happy if you read it because you’ve been a part of my life and this journey into becoming an adult in my early twenties with me and I just want you to know what’s been going on. Don’t worry, it’s not a goodbye.

I’m so sorry for being MIA. Life’s been a mess. But I got the apartment I took a look at last week and I’m about to sign the lease, which means I’m going to move out of my childhood home in the next six weeks. It’s three hours away in a different State, and I’m starting college in October too, so now I have to figure out how to actually be an adult. I need to organize the move, get all the paperwork done and find a job while also figuring out how college is gonna work. I’m a bit stressed and slightly emotional, but I’m hanging in there.

I haven’t had the time to properly write, but I have some drafts I finished before the stress started and I will take some time to reread and maybe post before I disappear from view completely.

I saw how active you all were, interacting with my posts and stories even though I was gone for almost two weeks there and didn’t put anything new out, so thank you all for that. It makes me feel so appreciated, you have no idea. And those who checked up on me, I love you more than I can express.

I just came home from watching Barbie and decided to take some time to go through Tumblr now because I’m a writer Barbie and I can do anything I set my mind to. I’m powerful. I feel like what’s about to come for me is going to change everything, but in a good way, and I can’t wait to finally set a foot out into the real world and just be me. Live life by my own rules, you know. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long. And I can finally do what I want and study what I want. I can do what I’m good at. And I’ll find a way to give writing a bigger role in my life as soon as I’ve moved out because I’ve also dreamed of this day for a long time now, even though it’s still a little scary, but as Taylor Swift once said “You’re on your own, kid. You can face this.” And I strongly believe I can, even while doubting myself sometimes.

Honestly, Barbie was so inspiring to me, someone who’s been told I can’t live my dreams because they’re stupid dreams and I have to be like everyone else, make money without being happy, please my family and everyone around me, and fit into the shoe box, which isn’t true.

This movie healed my inner child and it gave me a good smack over the head. I’m going to struggle before fully realizing that my independent Barbie girl era starts now, but I think I’m ready and I think I can do it well. I hope so. And I can live my dreams. I don’t have to be what everyone else wants me to be. Playing it safe is so boring.

Thank you all!

I love you 🩷

(Also, I’ve packed a few boxes already, and three of them are just books and Funkos. That’s so funny to me. But it’s also kind of hard to say goodbye to this room, you know?)

Next on the list is my wall, and it’s gonna be painful to take it all off and transport it without destroying any of the pictures.

(Thank you to everyone who gave me ideas for prints I can hang in my new apartment, I’ve found a few already.)

Now this is all. Thank you! Sending hugs and kisses your way. I’m gonna try to post something (probably Mikey content because that’s what I’ve got stashed away) tonight or tomorrow, and then I’m gonna get back into writing as soon as I’ve got my life organized.

Yours,

Lizzi 🩷

#lizzi talks #lizzi updates #barbie is such a good movie #that being said #life is hard #i’m sorry #that sounds so dramatic #it’s just a life update and some words about my projects nothing more #don’t worry #matt murdock #michael kinsella

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imabeautifulbutterfly · 1 year

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Sins of The Father - Chapter 35

Summary: Adi makes a decision that will impact the rest of his life

A/N: Hello Lovelies!

I’m back, oh man I’m so happy not to be having any sort of migraines, still getting slight headaches here and there but nothing compared to what I was having in October. Nothing preventing me from writing at least so woohoo.

I’m already working on the next chapter for Gym Membership, hoping to get that out to you guys in two weeks. Thank you for sticking around and being patient.

Not to mention 300! I’m at 305 or 307 followers, I can’t believe it, that’s so amazing. I love you all.

I am going to come up with a 300 celebration, not sure yet about the exact celebration, but I shall let you know soon.

Italics - flashback

Warnings: Grief, kissing, slight make out, mentions of slavers, death, I think that’s it. If I miss any warnings please let me know.

AO3 Link | Words: 5,204 | Previous -> Next

Main Master List | Sins of the Father Master List

CHAPTER 35: THE INHERITANCE

Adi’s hands trailed over his father’s armour, he could still remember vividly the last time he had seen Ca’tra, he was almost three years younger, a lot shorter, but he could still remember the feeling Ca’tra always exuded: impenetrable, invincible, and everlasting.

He remembered thinking it was all some elaborate joke, when his mom came out of the Sintas telling him, his father wasn’t coming back. He was convinced it was only a matter of time before Ca’tra would miraculously appear behind his Ama, or simply jump out and yell surprise at the most random of times, or end up showing up in another ship. Even when he saw Ca’tra’s armour in the sack she was using to carry it home, he was unwavering in his belief it had been someone else’s armour.

It was about two days later, when his comms continually went unanswered, his mother’s unending tears, and the silence that had fallen in the house, along with the constant visits from Babeh, Gregor, Pelli and surrounding friends, was he fully persuaded in his heart his father was never coming back.

The family he had dreamed of for so long was gone, the father he looked up to, the man who trained him, who held him when he cried, who had treated him like a son from the moment he appeared in their lives had disappeared from his life permanently.

The ship was in hyperspace, only two parsecs away from Kashyyyk, he took a moment to really think about the decision he was going to make, was this what he wanted? To follow in the steps of his grandfather, mother and father? To follow the Mand’alor? Did he see himself as a Mandalorian? As a warrior? Was it right for him to put on the armour that would define who he was, where he stood in the galaxy, and how he connected to the creed?

He hadn’t tried it on, not even when his mother opened the cache and showed him the armour on Papsr. He was tempted. His eyes kept focusing on the helmet that had appeared so menacing and so comforting at the same time. He sat down on his bunk, holding the helmet in his hand, he took in a deep breath and put it on, almost instantly the HUD activated, everything looked different. It would take time to get use to wearing a helmet all the time, but not uncomfortable or impossible to adjust too.

There was a small yellow icon on the top right corner of the HUD flickering, his eyes focused on the icon. The screen went black for a second before what looked like their common room in their house appeared, the torso of a man appeared, as hands adjusted the helmet back and forth, until Adi saw Ca’tra sit down on the chair in front of the helmet.

He looked young, fresh, fit, a cheery smile on his face, his hand running through his hair, as he fixed himself.

‘Hi Adi’ he offered a small wave, as his face only brightened. ‘Not sure when you’ll be seeing this, but if you are seeing this, that means I’m not around.’

Adi felt his throat begin to tighten, as the voice he hadn’t heard in almost three years filled his ears.

‘It’s late, your Ama and you have just gone to bed. In case your wondering it’s the night of when I proposed to your mom.’ The dimple that only appeared when Ca’tra ever looked at Amara or when he spoke about her graced his smile.

‘You might not remember but we stayed up late partying and planning our future as a family; I made you some promises tonight, and I’m sorry I failed in those promises Adi. Ner ad’ika, I wanted to fulfill those promises with all my heart and might, but as your mother constantly reminds me, life’s a pazaak game, unless you can cheat your way through it, you never know the hand you’ll be dealt.’

His eyes started to water at seeing the man he missed from his life, there were no words to say how much he wanted to be by that man’s side right now. How much he wanted to feel his hand tussle his hair, like he use to do. To smell his scent of gunpowder, grease, dust, musk, and the metallic scent that always seemed to linger around him.

‘I just wanted to um …’ Ca’tra rubbed the back of his neck, ‘Ha! You know I’m not good with words, not really good with anything except your mom and you. You both have given me so much more than I ever thought I would get in this life.’

Adi could feel a tear slide down his cheek, he went to wipe it, only to feel the coldness of the beskar helmet.

‘Adi’ka, ner ad, I know you think I call you these things simply because of your mom, but that’s not the case. Ever since I met you, and you tried to punch me for hitting on your mom …’ Ca’tra smiled and let out a chuckle, ‘I knew I wanted you to be my child. You are my child. My little one. I love you Adi … maybe I should use your real name, Khoan Vel.’

Ca’tra took in a deep breath, ‘You are an amazing son, Khoan. There’s something I wanted to do, and I’ll do it at the wedding and make it official. Not sure if it’ll count if I do it this way, but in the event I don’t make it then, I want you to know how much you mean to me.

Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad, Khoan Vel (I know your name as my child - adoption rites).

From this moment on, you are my son Khoan Vel Gaan.

Ner ad’ika, my son, you are a joy and a light in my life I never expected. I know there will be times when we butt heads, and we may even end up getting angry with one another and never talking. However, I want you to know no matter what, I love you my son. I will always be here for you, and I will always love your mother and you.’

Adi watched as Ca’tra wiped away a tear, he wanted to run into his father’s arms, he wanted to tell him he would always be his son, he’d never let him down.

‘Adi, there may be a time when your mom will meet another man, someone who will make her happy, someone who will make her laugh, who will fill her life with love and joy. It may be hard for you at times to see someone else step in to my shoes, but if it’s for her, promise me you will take the time to get to know him, to see what she sees in him. However, if you think that he’s not worthy of being by her side, then make his life a living hell. You have my permission.’

Ca’tra chuckled at little, it made Adi chuckle along with him, he wondered how he would feel knowing Din was the one who had captured his Ama’s heart.

‘I’m kidding, well to a degree. Just … just don’t let him in too easy, throw him some curveballs here and there, although knowing your mother, she’d be doing that already. Son, there are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I feel I should impart.’

Ca’tra cleared his throat, his thumb and forefinger passing over his lips, pursing them together, “Okay, first things first, this armour, this is for you. Whether you decide to take the six tenets or not, this is your inheritance as my son. Some may say that you are not deserving of it, or that only those that are truly Mandalorian are allowed to wear the armour. Well tell them … you know what, tell them where they can stick their unsolicited comments, and make sure they shove it so deep it gives them …’ Ca’tra cleared his throat again, ‘Sorry, got a little carried away, what I’m trying to say, don’t listen to what anyone else tells you. This armour … is yours and yours alone.’

Adi wanted so much to have his father there, to have the man who took him in without a second thought, who taught him how to defend himself, how to be there for his mom in a way he never thought of. He wished above all else that he was there telling him these things in person, rather than in a holovid.

’Adi there will come a time in your life when you’ll meet someone who - ohh how do I say this … it’s different for everyone, it could start off as hate, it could be as simple as a hello, they could end up being your best friend. Somehow, in some way, there’s a moment when you look at that person and you realize in that moment your life will never be the same. Imagining your life without them beside you, without their smile, their jokes, their kindness, whatever it is that draws you to them, all of a sudden you will realize they complete you, they make you whole. When that happens ad, you have to promise me. Promise me you won’t push them away, you won’t make them feel less then they deserve. At the same time make sure they don’t make you feel less than who you are, or unworthy to be by their side. You are a brilliant kid, smart, stubborn like your mom, kind, quick witted, and you have a big heart Adi.

Love is a tricky thing, sometimes you think you love someone, fight to be by their side, only to realize you never stood a chance. And that’s okay. It’s okay to try and lose, because it means you were brave enough, courageous enough, and willing to do something most don’t have the courage to do.

Then there could be a moment, when your heart is breaking and you don’t think you’ll ever find the right one, and you stumble upon a garage with a pair of legs sticking out from underneath a speeder and you realize the love you thought you had for someone else, could never measure up to the love you really feel for the right one.

Just remember to always treat them with respect, treat them with kindness and compassion, treat them with the honour and dignity they deserve whether the relationship works out or it doesn’t. They opened their heart to you, that’s a privilege they grant you.’

It surprised Adi to see him wipe a tear, he let out a soft chuckle as he wiped a tear away ‘I know a grown man crying… these tears are because I am happy and blessed to have found you and your mother. Don’t be afraid to cry Adi. Don’t be afraid to show emotion. There’s nothing wrong with being able to show emotions and cry, there are some who would say it’s ‘unmanly’ to cry, ignore them. Tell them to stick their advice the same place as those who tell you, you can’t wear the armour.’

Ca’tra glanced at something on the wall behind the helmet, and then back at the visor, ‘Adi, I have so much more I need to tell you, however, I also have to get up in a few hours. I’ll be making recordings throughout of things that I feel I should tell you, they’ll all be stored in this helmet. Don’t worry you’ll be able to find them easily enough.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to tell you these things in person, son. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back to you. I will try with all my might to make my way back to you, but if I can’t know that I didn’t give up easily, know that I gave it my all to make it back to you and your mom.

Even though I might not be by your side physically, at least you’ll have these holovids, and my own amazing wisdom.’ Ca’tra chuckled rubbing his hair, ‘Your mom will probably tell me that my wisdom is something that no one should listen to’ he let out another chuckle.

‘I love your mom, Adi, and I love you. You are both my family, and the day we will get to be united as one clan, will be the day that my world feels complete. You may not want a family of your own Adi, and that’s fine, you don’t have to try to live the life I lived, or to follow your mom’s footsteps either. You just follow your own path, whatever your decide or choose, we will be proud hakayrus (parents) because you are our son and we love you very much..’

Ca’tra stood from his seat and pressed a button on his vambrace, the recording finished, and the hud simply showed him his room. He took off the helmet wiping his eyes of the tears he had been shedding for the past while.

He looked at the helmet once his vision was back and no longer obstructed by the tears that were simply free flowing at hearing his father’s voice again. His fingers tightened around the helmet, as he pressed his forehead against it, “I miss you dad, I miss you so much. Thank you.”

He placed the helmet beside him, as he stood. The tears wiped clean. He opened his compartment, and pulled out a new flight suit, he laid it on his bunk beside the armour. He wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do, but he felt he had to do this.

He took a knee in front of his father’s helmet, placing his hand on top of it, gently, reverently. He took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes bowing his head towards his father’s helmet..

“Teh ibic kusa'yr Ni malyasa'yr surya arsaor ti kar'ta be a Mando. Ni danija at oyacyir ner jibr miasa'iaru yaa mateh gotal'ur jid giarioa, buir. Ni vor entye par e'lyreu'anr ka bal par daorida at hbina ka. Ni malyasa'yr draar digur gar” (From this moment I will wear you armour with the heart of a Mandalorian. I vow to live my life in that manner that would make you proud, father. I thank you for teaching me and for continuing to guide me. I will never forget you.)

Maybe the rites didn’t count since it was via a holovid and not in person, however knowing that Ca’tra Gaan made the effort to do this for him, was willing to take him on in front of everyone as his son, meant more to him than he ever realized.

He stood changing out of the clothes he had and slowly putting on his new attire, he took his time adjusting the flight suit before putting on every single piece of armour, double checking all the weaponry on it like his hakayrus taught him, every time they donned their armour. He didn’t have any gloves, that would be something he could purchase later on. He attached his cuirass, took in a deep breath as he lifted the helmet and placed it on his head.

He took his time to open his eyes, viewing his world through the hud. It was a disorienting experience at first, there was a lot of information. He walked around his room, getting use to the new visuals. He was walking backwards, when a red light flashed on the left hand corner, showing him what was behind him, he moved his hand behind his head, seeing his fingers wiggling.

Seeing all the features the buy’ce (helmet) had to offer, made him realize how amazing Ca’tra, his Ama, Babeh and Din were, they were able to see all that information and still be the badasses they were. They absorbed, assimilated and acted on the information provided to them, within an instant. Although he had played around and been taught how a buy’ce works, it was very different to see it in action.

He felt like a new born fathier, trying to find his footing, it was very different walking around and dealing with all the added information, little icons popped up when he looked at certain items. He remembered his father telling him, ‘focus on what you need to see and what’s important at the moment.’

He practiced for a bit longer before he decided to venture out of his room.

- - - - - - - - - -

Amara was focused on the readout in front of her, she had noticed the hyperdrive was running a bit sluggish, it was still pushing an optimal output however, she never liked it when her ship dipped below her own acceptable levels. She smirked hearing Din’s voice in her head ‘Mesh’la you know, it will still run.’

She chuckled remembering their bickering.

’Sweetie, I know you loved your Razor, but if I ever saw your ship and how you attempted to repair it, you and I would’ve never happened.’

Din laughed, his jovial booming voice bouncing off the walls, ‘I promise you, I took a lot better care of the Razor than you think I did.’

‘From the way you describe it, it certainly doesn’t sound like it.’

‘The Crest was my home, my lady, of course I took care of her.’ He leaned over pressing his forehead against hers, ‘The same way I take care of you.’

‘Are you saying, you’re just finding the easiest and fastest fix for me?’

‘Never’ Din placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, as he shifted closer to her on the couch, Adi wasn’t home yet, he was sparring with Fennec, and Grogu was napping in the room he was sharing with Din. Din’s hand cradled her jaw gently as he slowly turned her head to look at him, ‘I’d use only the very best materials and the most exceptional mechanics to fix you’

‘Oh, so you’re saying I do need fixing?’

Din’s eyes widened as a confused look appeared on his face, ‘No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I think you’re perfect the way you are.’

‘Oh, then I’m a mess you don’t want to bother with?’

‘No! That’s not … what I mean is …’ Din looked flustered not sure what was the right thing to say, he was ready to apologize to grovel, when he saw a smirk appear on her lips, as her eyes sparkled.

‘You’re so easy’ Amara laughed out, he let out a frustrated sigh, chuckling along with her as he pulled her towards his lips, kissing her with a passion he had forgotten existed within him. She shifted till she was sitting on his lap, running her fingers through his hair. When they both pulled back in order to catch a breath, ‘We should probably stop.’

Din nodded against her forehead, as his hands found their spot on her waist, ‘Yeah, we should otherwise I won’t be able to stop’

‘Not to mention, this is not something I would want my son or your son to walk in on’

‘True’ Din pecked her lips, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek followed by a kiss on her neck, ‘Yeah’ his warm moist breath flushed over her neck, ’I don’t think Adi would appreciate seeing this …’ he pulled back to look at her, his hand caressing her face, ‘You are so beautiful.’

‘You don’t have to do that’

‘I’m serious, cyar’ika. You have no idea how beautiful you are, every time you smile, you look at me, every time I see you take care of those you love, those who are in need, I am amazed by your beauty inside and out, you are amazing and I am honoured to be by your side.’

She pressed her lips against Din’s, deepening the kiss by tilting his head back, ‘You know …’ she mumbled against his lips, ‘We won’t …’ she tried to get out, as he chased her lips, ‘Be able to…’ his hand shifted to the back of her head pressing her lips back against his, chasing her taste as though it was the very air he needed to breathe, ‘For a while.’

‘Why do you think I keep trying to hold on to this moment?’ He quirked his eyebrow as he smirked at her.

Amara cleared her throat, this wasn’t the time to be lost in thought. Adi hadn’t said much since they arrived at Papsr and as soon as they boarded the Sintas he locked himself in his room with the armour. She tried to offer what she could as an explanation, but either he didn’t hear her or he wasn’t ready to listen was all she could determine from his silence.

She wandered to his door at least ten times since they took off from Papsr, however, she just couldn’t bring herself to knock on her son’s door. There were times when he just needed a moment to himself and there were times when he needed her, for right now, he needed space to deal with his grief.

The sound of the door sliding open behind her, gave Amara a sense of relief knowing that Adi was ready to talk, “How are you feeling?” She focused on the diagnostic report, giving Adi time to get his words ready. She didn’t want to force him or put him on the spot by staring at him.

“Ama” hearing his modulated voice, made the statement he was about to make all the more real. He watched as she slowly lifted her head and turned to look at him. She didn’t say anything, simply stood and walked over to him. She was visibly holding back the tears, as she stood in front of him.

“You put it on” Amara offered a smile through her trembling lips, he looked so much like Ca’tra in that moment, the way he was standing, the aura he exuded through the armour.

“I did” he cleared his throat, afraid his voice would start shaking.

“How does …” now it was her turn to clear her throat, if Ca’tra was there he would’ve been so proud of him, “How does it feel?”

“Good. Surreal. A little weird if I’m being honest.”

She nodded in agreement, “Yeah, I get that” her hand fidgeted with the wrist band she’d always worn on her wrist, it had belonged to Ca’tra. He gave it to her the morning of that fateful day, he wanted to give her something to help her realize he was always by her side.

“Is it okay if …” Adi motioned to the armour he was wearing.

Amara placed her hands on his helmeted cheeks, “Of course it is, that’s what he would’ve wanted. It suits you.”

“He … He left a holovid for me, he …” Adi cleared his throat, “He performed the Gai bal manda (adoption ceremony - literally ‘name and guardian’) on the holovid.”

There was a look of shock on Amara’s face, he never told her, he was planning to perform one via a holovid. The plan was to do it in front of all their family and friends at the onvior warasu’ir (wedding ceremony).

A smile spread across her face, “I’m happy for you. He loved you sooo much, not being able to do it in person really ate at him that day. I’m glad he was able to do it, even if it was via a holovid.”

“Does it still count?”

“Of course it does. Without a doubt. It counts.”

“The hud is hard to get use to”

“I know. It takes time. The trick is to keep your buy’ce on for as long as you can stand it, then take a break and try again, increasing the amount of time you wear it.”

“Is that how you learned?”

“More or less, except I played with Babeh’s helmet when he let me. Plus, I got really use to wearing the magnifiers I use while working on the engines. It’s a similar concept.”

“Oh true, no wonder it felt a little disorienting at first.”

“Are you going to paint it?”

“What?”

“The armour?”

“I don’t know. The white, black and blue just feel right.”

“I understand. Just know the option to change, is there. Do you remember what the colours mean?”

Adi nodded as he glanced down at his armour, “Blue means reliability, black signifies justice, and the white means a new start.”

Amara tugged him over to sit in the co-pilot seat, as she took her seat, her legs shifting on the chair until she was comfortable, she leaned her head back, chuckling to herself, “Do you know why he painted those colours?” She glanced over to Adi.

He simply shook his head no.

She smirked as she thought back to that moment, “He said he painted it blue, because even though he may be late, battered, and bruised, you could always count on him to show up. Eventually.”

“Yup, that sounds like him” he chuckled along with his mom, remembering the amount of times, he would arrive, bruised or just in the nick of time, “Why did he add the black?”

“Ahhh … that …” Amara took her time with that answer, she shifted a little in her seat, feeling the weight of the answer that was to come forth from her mouth, “When Ca’tra was a little boy, before he joined the fighting corp, he was living on Taris. It … let’s just say it wasn’t a nice place to grow up. After learning about what it meant to be Mandalorian, to see the way most valued honour and dignity, he understood what he wanted to bring to his life. Justice. Granted it was his own kind of justice, but it made him realize that was something seriously lacking in the universe.”

Adi was silent, nodding slowly, “No wonder”

“No wonder?”

Adi shifted in his seat, readjusting his flight suit, “Um … well Ca’tra made me promise not to tell you.”

“Not to tell me, about what?” Amara quirked her eyebrow as she looked at Adi, if Ca’tra was there she would have had it out with him, “Actually, how many times did Ca’tra make you promise not to tell me things.”

“It was just that one time…” he held up a finger, “Ok, maybe two times …” he slowly raised his second finger, before he shifted his head side to side raising his third finger, “Three. Definitely three times, but they were really good reasons”

“Mmhmm” she crossed her arms as she sat back, “What was it that he told you not to tell me?”

“This was about three months after we met him, you weren’t able to pick me up from school, so he volunteered.”

“Right, I think I remember this - - you guys ended up being half an hour late, and I was about ready to kill him.”

“Well the reason we were late, was because he … he was busy saving someone from a group of slavers.”

“What? He never told me this”

“He wasn’t sure how you’d react about him having to make a deal with slavers while your son sat beside him.”

Amara chuckled, “Well he had a point there, if I had learned about it then I would’ve probably killed him.” She settled in her seat, looking at her son, his coming-of-age ceremony was just a few weeks away, seeing him sit there in his father’s armour - - it all sunk in how much he had grown from that scrawny kid she saved all those years ago. “Well, what happened?”

“Ama you should’ve seen him, the way he reasoned with them, the way he tried to convince them to let the person go. He sat there only speaking when he needed to, and even though he had to eventually resort to threatening them, he was able to make sure the person was safe. He told me afterwards, all it takes to make sure justice is served is for one person to care. One person to offer help makes all the difference in the world.”

Amara couldn’t help smirking thinking about all the ways Ca’tra made an impact on their lives, from that first meeting, till the last moment he drew breath. “You know he added the white to his armour after he left the covert. He said it was his new start. A new start that led him to the best possible outcome. He always said the best choice he ever made was leaving the covert and finding his own way as a mercenary slash bounty hunter. He was glad his path led to us.”

“I am too” Adi smiled as he looked at his mom, even though she couldn’t see it he had no doubt she knew it was there. “I’m glad I’m his son; I’m grateful I have this as an inheritance” he motioned towards the armour, “It makes me feel in some way he’s still here with me … with us.”

She reached over holding her son’s bare hands, “Me too. I’m glad you have it.” She smirked at the fact he didn’t have gloves, he looked as though something was missing from his armour. “Tell me, does this mean you are going to take the Resol’nare or are you just honouring your father? Either way, I’ll support you.”

He gave her hand a squeeze before she shifted from her seat. He didn’t pay attention to what she was doing, as the console began beeping with an alert, “I’ve vowed to live my life in a way that will honour my father, and I believe taking the Resol’nare will honour him in the greatest way possible.” He reviewed the alert, “We’re coming up on Kashyyyk, we’ll be dropping out of hyperspace in about ten minutes.”

“Good” Amara took her spot again, passing Adi a small container, “I’ve been waiting for the right time to give you this.”

Adi glanced from the console to the container his Ama had in her hand, he took it carefully, opening it to find a pair of new gloves similar in design to hers and Babeh’s, it was made of the finest dewback leather. He put them on, flexing his fingers, listening to the creaking of the tension from the brand new leather. There was also a three-sided knife lying at the bottom of the container, as he held it up gently he recognized it as the one belonging to Ca’tra, “How…”

“I made sure that day, there was nothing of his left behind. I knew he would’ve wanted you to have it. After all, he inscribed your name on it.”

He turned it gently, to see the names of Ca’tra’s family, those of his biological family, and that of his adopted family. The last two names were the freshest engraved, Amara Vel (O’yare Fett), Khoan Vel Gaan. He couldn’t help smiling at their names, “I guess this makes it official, I’m his son.”

“His love for you made it official, that …” Amara motioned to the knife in his hands, as she prepared the ship to exit hyperspace, “Is proof of the love he had for you, the love he always felt for you. I’m glad you got to know him, Adi.”

“Me too.”

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amrv-5 · 4 months

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for the ask game! 🙌🦉📕

hello anon! thanks for the ask!!!! below the cut for length, pretension, confusion, etc LOL

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

Man, I’m happy with pieces of All Octobers. That was probably the most intentionally-crafted thing I’ve done that isn’t original fiction, and I’m still a few months later happy with how some parts of it sound — particularly like the directness of the opening: “1955 was curling in on itself, desiccating like a pillbug.” I think it communicates the fic’s major concern, the time, season, setting, atmosphere, etc. all pretty concisely in ten words. I’m happy with that.

📕How do you feel about people printing your fics?

COMPLICATED! On one hand it’s so so incredibly moving to me that somebody would ??? Want a physical copy of something I made? To hold? As an object??? That’s insane to me. Somebody on here (won’t tag in case they don’t want to post about it LOL) showed me the most incredible covers they’d designed for their own bound copies of S2G2 and SCO which are so beautiful and carefully and lovingly done I almost can’t believe it. That much work…???? And for some little story I wrote???? Just the most flattered I think it’s possible to be.

On the complicated side — I am always so afraid there’s some egregious typo or mis-named character or something that I can NEVER CORRECT once it’s a physical object in somebody’s hands. And (though this may be a heavily self-critical bias) I have a hard time maintaining faith in my writing. I feel guilty if somebody goes to the work of making a physical version of something that I think doesn’t deserve that level of dedication — I could’ve, and should’ve, written better, etc. <- Probably not particularly rational and comes off as self-pity rather than informed self-critique so I try not to talk about it LOL

🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?

TONS! I’ve answered this before with lists of fic authors AND non-fanfic authors, so I’ll let those stand, but also add uhhh I’ve been doing a lot more theory-heavy and nonfiction reading lately because of life circumstances, and those authors have been doing a lot to retool how I’m thinking about the work of writing / shaping / presenting narrative, realism as style, hermeneutics, whatever. Lots of semiotics. Ridiculous but it is tangibly (I think? I’m not a great objective observer) changing how I’m writing. Maybe for the worse? Maybe not? For the weirder, probably.

#ask game #THANK YOU LOL weird stuff in my writing the fault of the reading i'm doing 100%

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skepticbeliever-bookclub · 2 years

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Hello lovely followers,

Ever wonder about the fics that don’t make it through the final round of voting for the bi-weekly read in the book club? You’re in luck!

The book club is structured so that we solicit nominations from our members, either based on a theme or a trope or simply a request for their favorites, and develop a list of ten nominations, which are then narrowed down to a top three. The top three fics end up in our weekend vote and the winner of that vote becomes our book club fic for that week.

It’s almost October—and that means it’s spooky season! Here at the book club, we celebrate annually with not two but three reads during October, followed by a little members-only soiree on Halloween weekend itself. We’re getting our fangs sharpened in preparation.

Since we vote for all of our spooky reads in one round of voting at the start of the month, there will only be one spooky runners-up post this month, but it’s an extra-special one: we’re giving you all our nominated fics to read. That’s right—all of them! Happy spooky reading!

the train is expected in five minutes - MiraclesOfPaul | 6.7k, T, complete

Ryan finds himself in an abandoned train station with no memory of how he got there.

The Shine of Obsidian - VictoriaAGrey | 21k, M, complete

After months of negotiations, Ryan and Shane are given permission to do a weekend long investigation for Unsolved at The Overlook, a famously haunted hotel which is left abandoned during the fall and winter seasons due to severe weather conditions and its relative isolation.

Once left on their own, what Shane had thought would be a fun weekend turns into a fight for survival when Ryan becomes possessed by the very demon he was hunting.

Calming if you look at it right - Agf | 2.3k, Not Rated, complete

There's no reason to panic. None at all. He's woken up in bed beside his boyfriend- partner- ghoulfriend, like always. It's a nice day. Shane is wearing the blue shirt. Like always.

i don’t need a dozen roses - weakspots | 13k, E, complete

They're not… dating, or boyfriends, or in love, or any of these things. Ryan's pretty sure on that front.

two to fall apart - orphan_account | 38k, T, complete

“I know you’re sitting over there, probably like, ‘oh, Ryan’s such an idiot, he’s afraid of ghosts but not serial killers.’”

“I’m thinking your sense of self-preservation is a sham. You absolutely seek out things that you believe are a danger to your person.”

“And you're so incredibly invested in my person?”

“I am! I enjoy your person. I would like it not to be carved up and put on a Christmas display.”

Ryan laughs, and Shane can’t begin to fathom how that’s even remotely funny.

Ryan wants to investigate a case that's just a little too recent for Shane's tastes.

Tell Me Why The Fear Feels So Good - Books in the Blood | 16k, E, complete

Ryan begins to develop an embarrassing habit of getting aroused on set when scared. Sometimes Shane helps him out.

spinning on that dizzy edge - sarcasticfishes | 7.5k, T, complete

“What are you doing?”

Shane nearly jumps out of his skin. He falls right off the couch and slides onto the floor, his blanket getting tangled up around his ankles as he does so. There’s a man standing in his living room, mere feet away, and he doesn’t look very happy.

“What— what are you doing?” Shane splutters, because that’s a totally normal way to react to a stranger in your living room.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US FOR OUR NEXT DISCUSSION? CHECK OUT THE FAQ, AND SEND US AN ASK! IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR FIC RECS, PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR READS, NOMINEES AND BOOK CLUB REC LISTS!

#shyan #shyan fic #skeptic believer #otp: we took an oath #weekly read runners up #sbbookclub #sbbookclub spooky month

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roosterbox · 6 months

Text

October Almost-Drabbles 10/23: Frost and Spice

Pairing: Cherik

Word Count: 619

Additional tags: coffee shop setting, only very mildly fluffy, Emma Frost is the queen of sass

Side note: this one’s alright. Not fully satisfied again, but not bad. I’m playing fast and loose with the ‘Frost’ prompt, lmao. But this is my project, so… my rules. Also, I don’t know anything about coffee or common coffee orders. Never drink the stuff myself. Not even a pumpkin spice.

———

“I still can’t believe you’re actually gonna get that,” Emma said, rolling her eyes.

Charles looked at her, away from the advert announcing the “Long Awaited Return of Our Pumpkin Spice Latte (Only $3.99 with a Membership Card)!” and smiled.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?”

She shook her head. “Never took you for such a basic bitch, that’s all.”

“If actually experiencing joy in my life makes me basic,” he shrugged. “Even trade, I suppose.”

“Who’s basic?” Erik had sidled up beside them in line and put his arm around Charles.

“Me, apparently.” Charles leaned into his boyfriend, rising up a little to kiss him. Once they got started, they almost didn’t want to stop, but-

“Ugh, someone call the PDA police.”

Erik pulled back, and turned his head. “And hello to you too, Frost. You the one throwing the word ‘basic’ around?”

“You know me, Lehnsherr - I speak nothing but the truth.”

The line moved forward a couple steps. Still a fair bit to go before they got to the counter.

“Personally,” Charles piped up, “I don’t think a person’s character or personality can be even slightly predicated on their coffee orders.”

“I agree,” Erik said.

“You would.” Emma glanced down at their hands, twined together. “And you’re wrong. It works every time, I promise you.” At Erik’s scoff of disbelief, she narrowed her eyes at him. “… black. With maybe one sugar if you’re feeling especially decadent.”

She felt a certain sense of satisfaction at the surprise he tried to hide.

“Well? Did I get it right?” Erik’s scowl was answer enough. The line moved again.

“Don’t mind her, babe. I like how simple your order is. Easy to remember.” Charles tapped the side of his head. “Neither of you have ever had to get coffee for Raven before.”

Emma looked thoughtful. “Hmm. Now that one sounds like more of a challenge…” The three of them chuckled at that. “One thing’s for sure - I sincerely doubt her standard is anything even slightly basic.”

Charles groaned. “Again with the basic stuff.”

The line shuffled forward.

“Just accept it, Charles. Anyone ordering that pumpkin spice monstrosity is basic as hell.”

Half the line turned towards Emma. They looked annoyed. Some seemed as if they expected her to be embarrassed at the attention, or maybe for her to apologize sheepishly. Unfortunately for them, there was nothing bashful, apologetic or sheepish about Emma Frost.

“What? Can I help you?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Daring them to actually say anything.

They didn’t, of course. Not to her face at least. Some muttered to themselves or their companions. A few cut out of the line and left. Everyone else moved forward again.

“Seriously, I don’t get it.” Charles said quietly. “What’s even ‘basic’ about it? It’s just a drink.”

“And that, dear Charles, is why you’re such an old man. Aside from your fashion sense, of course.” She plucked at a stray thread on his cardigan.

Now it was his turn to scowl. “Says you. Am I an old man, Erik?”

Erik wisely refused to answer. Which, in itself, was answer enough.

“Told you.” Emma smirked, and moved forward with the line.

“Hello! What can I get started for you today?” The barista smiled, but it was obviously purely perfunctory. With how busy the place was, nobody begrudged her for it.

“A macchiato, please. Double espresso.” Emma stepped aside. She was already mouthing ‘black coffee, one sugar’ to herself as Erik took her place.

“And for you?”

“Two pumpkin spice lattes.”

“What!?” She spun around, not even bothering to hide her shock. Charles, equally surprised, looked on with a smile.

Erik shrugged. “We can be old men together this time.”

#october drabbles #cherik #pumpkin spice latte #Charles definitely gets them when they’re available #lol #honestly idk what Raven’s order would be #like I said: I don’t know coffee #something weird and complicated no doubt

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shanie-the-toyaddict · 1 year

Text

He Used To Be Mine - Part "This isn't going to make sense but whatever"

He Is Gone (But He Used To Be Mine)

Rating: T Characters: Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn Pairings: Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn Tags: Angst, Fluff with angst ending, Post Survivor Series: War Games, Past Relationship, Flashbacks, Tiny reference to sex but nothing NSFW Word Count: 3236

.....

Kevin has so many memories of Sami Zayn.

Memories of life, love, joy, and sadness. Twenty years of his life spent with Sami. With, against, alongside, however it was for them at the time. Sami was such a fixture in his life that if you had told Kevin just five years earlier that he'd ever reach a point where he was ready to say goodbye, he'd have called you a liar and then kicked your ass for even suggesting it.

But now, a short few days after getting his heart broken at Survivor Series, Kevin has reached that exact point. Far from "Nothing without you", Kevin has arrived at "Nothing with you" and he isn't looking back.

Well.

Maybe he's looking back a little.

......

This story is posted here as something of a teaser. The ending of this story isn't going to make much sense due to Parts 5 and 6 of the saga not being written/posted yet but I'm throwing it up on here in case anyone wants to read it in the meantime. It won't be going on AO3, not just yet. That context from 5 and 6 is far too important here.

Anyway, story under cut.

October 2017

“Oh god, help. Kevin, help.”

Sami was gripping his stomach. He’d eaten too much. They both had. An entire turkey feast, just for the two of them, in celebration of their renewed partnership. The turkey hadn’t been terribly huge, but factoring in the green beans, the stuffing, and the potatoes, it was far too much food for the two of them.

But then, the point of the meal had been to give thanks, so Kevin was willing to help make it. Still, even he had to admit it probably wasn’t the best idea.

“Why did we think this was a good idea, Kev,” Sami lamented, “You know, I’m trying to stop eating meat, why would you do this to me?”

Kevin let out a long breath. “One last hurrah? If you’re gonna go veggo, you should say goodbye right.”

“This was supposed to be a hello, Kevin, not a goodbye. A celebration, not us stuffing ourselves into oblivion.”

“Are you mad? You cooked most of it, wasn’t it good enough?”

Sami shook his head, “No, food was great, I just...”

A loud burp escaped Sami and he quickly covered his mouth.

“Nice,” Kevin remarked.

“Yeah, well we’re going to be miserable tomorrow. Just be glad we aren’t scheduled to be back on the road until the weekend, I need to sleep this off.”

Kevin let out another long sigh before getting up and starting to gather the dishes. “You know, Sami,” he said, “I didn’t tell you to have thirds on stuffing. That one was all you.”

“I can’t help it. If I’m going to be vegan, I need to get used to eating a lot of bread.”

“Like you need a reason to eat bread.”

“True.”

Sami pushed back his chair and got to his feet. Kevin moved beside him, reaching for the remains of the potatoes. Kevin didn’t know what made him look twice, maybe intuition, but as he glanced back at Sami, he realized Sami was wobbling a bit. Faster than Kevin knew he could move, he put the potatoes down and took Sami by the waist, holding him steady.

“You ok there, Sami?” he asked.

“Yeah, just... I’m not used to eating like this anymore. Maybe I should go home...”

“Maybe you should go upstairs and take a nap.”

“Maybe. I suppose I could, I mean...”

Sami’s voice trailed off and, suddenly, Kevin realized just how close they were. His hands were still on Sami, not quite in an embrace, but the closeness was undeniable. They’d only been friends again for two days and everything was new again. The way Sami looked at him, without resentment or fear. The way Sami would smile at him, and his eyes would shine.

But then, there was something always creeping around the edges of the fond gazes.

Anxiety. Nervousness.

Almost as if Sami didn’t want to believe it was real or, more likely, couldn’t believe he’d made the choice he did. Kevin would be lying if he didn’t have the same thoughts, doubt and disbelief weighing down his heart that somehow, through some impossibility, Sami had returned to him.

Forgiven him.

He didn’t deserve Sami, not by a long shot, but as Kevin stood as close as he was to Sami, close enough that Kevin could practically feel Sami’s breath on his skin, Kevin was silently praying that Sami didn’t regret his choice.

Somewhere in his brain, the tiniest thought was building. The thought of how easy it would be to lean forward and kiss Sami, right there in his dining room. Kiss him and claim him. Show his hand and his heart and make it clear to Sami how much he needed Sami, how much he loved and wanted Sami...

“Kev, you with me?”

Sami’s voice brought Kevin out of his thoughts and, quickly, he released his grip and stepped back.

“I’m ok,” he said quickly, “Go on. There’s a spare bed upstairs waiting for you. I can clean up.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want – ”

“Go to bed before you pass out on my table. I’m not dealing with you breaking my dishes. Or my table. Go, Go!”

Sami’s grin was broad and bright and he headed for the staircase. Kevin watched him go, his heart beaming at how happy Sami seemed.

Sami was partway up the stairs when his foot slipped.

“SAMI!” Kevin called out as Sami fell, sliding back down the staircase and landing in a pile at the bottom. Kevin was at his side in moments. “Sami, oh God, Sami are you ok? Please, are you...”

Kevin stopped.

Sami was... laughing?

What the...

He wasn’t just laughing, he was giggling.

“Sami what the fuck. Are you – did you hit your head?”

Sami just kept laughing and, taking Kevin’s hand, he pulled himself up. “I’m fine,” he said between giggles, “I’m ok, I promise. I’m just so, so...”

Kevin was still in disbelief as Sami leaned forward, placing a quick peck on his cheek.

“I’ve missed you, that’s all,” he said. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“You’re in my house,” Kevin replied, “I live here.”

Sami’s grin just got bigger. “Then I’m glad I’m here.”

Kevin’s mind began to stutter. There was no regret or hesitation in his voice. No doubt, no anxiety, no sign at all that he was questioning his decision.

Almost as if he’d finally found peace with his choice.

Still, Kevin had to ask.

“Are you happy, Sami?” he asked, his voice low and quiet. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be soaking in the adoration of the masses? I’m sure they’d take you back, maybe if you smacked me with a chair or something...”

“Kev,” Sami said, looking at him like he was being silly. “Trust me. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. I promise.”

A weight the size of a planet lifted off Kevin’s shoulders.

They really were back.

….

January 2018

“How many black hoodies do you own, Sami?”

Sami was sorting laundry in Kevin’s hallway. It wasn’t like Sami didn’t have his own washing machine but ever since they’d started dating, Sami had been spending as much time as he could at Kevin’s house. They weren’t living together, it was far too early for that, but Sami had brought enough of his things over from his house that he could spend the night whenever he wanted, even setting up a sajjāda so he could do his prayers.

Kevin had to admit it was nice, spending so much time with Sami. More than nice, it was everything he’d ever dreamed of, Sami with him, in his life, in his bed...

Kevin watched as Sami threw yet another black hoodie on the pile of darks.

“Seriously, Sami,” he said, “Do you wear anything else? I mean, ring gear is one thing, but you don’t have to wear the same thing every single day.”

Sami frowned, looking down at the woefully uneven piles of laundry. “What else am I supposed to wear?”

Kevin huffed, heading over to the piles. There was a small pile of lights sitting in the corner and, reaching down, he pulled a white and blue striped polo shirt from the top of it.

“You know,” Kevin said, “you used to love these things. Whatever happened to these?”

Sami shrugged. “I don’t know, I just outgrew them? They don’t look as good on me now? I have no idea; I just don’t wear them much anymore. Why, do you think I should?”

Kevin tossed the shirt back on the pile and stepped closer to his lover, wrapping his arms around Sami’s waist. “You don’t have to,” replied Kevin, “You can wear whatever you want. I just think you should vary it up a bit.”

“Yeah, but if I vary it too much, how will people know it’s me?”

Chuckling, Kevin replied, “Please, nobody would ever mistake you for anyone other than Sami Zayn. Or, maybe, Seth Rogan, but that can’t be helped.”

Kevin leaned forward, stealing a kiss and Sami smiled.

“Besides,” Kevin added, “You’d look good in anything. You’re fucking sexy, you could wear a burlap sack and I’d still want you.”

Sami ducked his head bashfully. “You just want whatever I’m wearing on your bedroom floor.”

“Damn right.”

Kevin kissed him again, on the cheek, and fuck, Kevin would never get bored with that. Kissing Sami was the best thing in the world, he could kiss Sami forever and never be sick of it. A million kisses, kissing him every day for the rest of their lives.

There was nothing better than kissing Sami.

Well, nothing except one thing...

“Get the laundry on,” Kevin told his lover, his voice turning low and sultry, “I have a great idea for a way to spend the afternoon.”

Sami bit his lip. “Mmmm, is it the same way you want to spend every afternoon?”

Kevin just grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Geez, Kev,” said Sami, “You’re going to kill me.”

“Not a chance.”

Kevin's hand traveled downward, and, with a quick squeeze, he let go of his lover and stepped back.

“I’ll see you when you’re done,” Kevin told him, his voice practically purring.

He watched as Sami’s tongue ran across his lips before, moving much faster than before, he returned to his sorting.

…..

April 2018

“Come on, not again,” Kevin grumbled.

Sami was patting the spot next to him on the white couch in the middle of Kevin’s living room.

“Please, Kev?” he begged, “Just one.”

“No!”

It was another night at home. Well, Kevin’s home.

They weren’t really living together.

They’d been together for four months by that point and even Kevin knew that would be moving way too fast. Not that they hadn’t taken their time getting together, but as far as dating went, they were still feeling things out. It was cozy, being with Sami, but frankly, the guy still got on his nerves...

… especially when he was doing something as dumb as trying to get him to watch yet another stupid food show.

“I don’t understand how you watch those things, Sami,” said Kevin, “It’s not like you could or would eat half that stuff. More than half, shit, ninety percent of the food on those stupid programs you wouldn’t go near, why the hell do you keep watching them?”

“It’s about the process, Kevin!” Sami insisted, his voice halfway to a whine. “Please, just... we just got our jobs back and we have to go back on the road full-time next week. Can’t you spend time with me? Please???”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “God, you sound pathetic. Which one is this anyway?”

“Triple D. I know you like this one, come on. Sit with me.”

Sami had a point. Kevin did like that one.

He shook his head. “Fine. Which one is it this week, and don’t tell me it’s another pizza episode, those just make me feel bad.”

“No, that was last week. This one has seafood. Here, sit.”

Sami patted the couch again.

“Ok, you win. Let me grab a drink.”

Sami grinned broadly, tapping his feet back and forth with a giggle.

Kevin didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Sami’s nonsense.

Actually, he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Sami period.

They’d spent so long trying to thrash each other, beat the shit out of each other, hell, Kevin had at one point been determined to end Sami’s career.

And there he was, spending his nights off in some form of domestic bliss with the only person he’d ever wanted to.

Ok, maybe not domestic bliss.

They still fought. They still argued and tried to kick each other’s asses and Kevin would be lying if he said he didn’t find Sami annoying on a regular basis. But he’d also be lying if he said he wasn’t happier than he’d ever been. Sami, finally his, however that had worked out.

It wasn’t perfect. But then they never would be. Best to take what he could and the rest would work itself out.

Kevin opened the fridge, looking for something cold to drink.

Water. La Croix. Tea. More La Croix. Iced coffee. Still more La Croix.

Kevin shook his head. “Sami, did you ignore the shopping list again this week?” he called into the other room.

“What’s that, Kev?” came the shouted reply.

Kevin hung his head before grabbing a bottle of water and heading into the living room.

“You know, Sami,” Kevin told him, “I’m gonna stop letting you get me groceries if you refuse to buy me drinks I like.”

Sami’s eyes went wide. “Wait, did I forget the Pepsi again?”

“Yeah, you did. You know, I texted you a list, it wouldn’t kill you to look at it.”

“Sorry,” Sami replied, “I’ll remember next time.”

“No, you won’t.”

“I will!”

“Bullshit. Last week we had to call AAA to get into your car because you somehow remembered to lock the doors but forgot totake the keys out of the ignition. Seriously, the one time you lock the damn car.”

“I’m trying, OK?” Sami protested. “Can we just watch the show? There’s this Bosnian diner on this week that I wanna see. They make this awesome Cevapi and...”

“Wait, did you already watch this?” Kevin asked sharply.

Sami froze. “Uhh...”

“You’ve already seen it and you’re watching it again.”

Sami’s eyes were pleading at that point. “Please? Yeah, I saw it, but I want to see it again. Besides, it isn’t about watching it again, it’s about watching it with you.”

Kevin’s heart did half a somersault in his chest at the way Sami was looking at him. His eyes soft, emotive, and full of love as if the television could be showing a documentary on paint drying and he’d still want to watch it with Kevin.

Kevin smiled.

“Ok,” Kevin said, moving to sit beside his lover, “But I get the remote.”

“It’s your house,” Sami said, handing it over, “I’m just glad you let me spend time here.”

“We’ve been dating for months, Sami, why wouldn’t I?”

“I guess.”

The was a moment of quiet between them before, leaning over, Sami smacked Kevin on the cheek with a loud, messy kiss. He pulled back a moment later, giggling and satisfied with himself. Kevin grumbled and wiped his cheek.

“Damn it, Sami, don’t steal my moves.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Kevin lifted the remote, starting the stream. The opening advertisements sprung to life as Kevin put his arm around his lover. As he did, Sami leaned closer, snuggling close in a manner that couldn’t possibly have been comfortable but was unequivocally Sami Zayn.

Sami sighed against him, and Kevin pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Sami’s head. It was just a TV show, sure. And even Kevin had to admit Guy Fieri was entertaining. But really?

The company was the best part.

…....

December 2022

Memories.

So many memories.

The staircase, the laundry room, the kitchen, the living room couch.

A mantle of photos from countless adventures and excursions Kevin had taken with the only person he’d ever dreamed of sharing them with. Memories upon memories, all built in a house that had never quite lost its shine and was made infinitely cozier by the company and life shared in it.

A life with Sami Zayn.

A life that was over now.

And as Kevin looked around his now empty house, his heart was breaking.

No more washer and dryer. The fridge and couch were gone, taken to his new place.

The staircase was still there, but all it led to was more emptiness. Emptiness like the hole in Kevin Owens’ heart, torn open and ripped apart by the extraction of his better half.

Could you even call someone your better half if you were never married?

Kevin shook his head.

He’s not dead, he told himself. Stop thinking about him like he’s dead.

Kevin sighed looking around again at the barren room.

He might as well have been.

Sami had made his choice. And it wasn’t him. In the end, it would never be him.

He knew it wouldn’t be, Sami had always been better than him, he had always known he was loving on borrowed time. That the beat of his heart was being sustained by something unsustainable.

Destined to do this forever.

He should have known forever would eventually end.

Granted, it was his choice. Sami would want to fight him. Sami always wanted to fight him and, up until then, Kevin had been willing to indulge him.

No longer. Kevin was done.

He ran his fingers along the cream-painted wall. People always made comments about how ‘If walls could talk’.

Frankly, Kevin was glad those walls couldn’t. They probably wouldn’t have much nice to say. Nothing that wouldn’t gut him like a fish anyway.

True, he’d been planning on moving for some time. Florida had become a shitty place to live in recent years, between the weather and the politics. He’d wanted to leave for years, it was just a matter of finding the right place to go.

Not telling Sami, however, hadn’t been part of the plan. He’d always intended to, it just wasn’t the right time.

And three months earlier, when Sami had dared to suggest that they could hook up without strings attached, the way Sami had moaned his name but still couldn’t say, “I love you,” as if those words were offensive to him...

Kevin knew it would never be the right time.

He couldn’t even look at Sami after that. He had to escape, get the hell away from him. Hunter had been kind enough to let him take time off and it worked out great because it gave him a chance to do some packing. And now that the end had come, that he was leaving for the final time...

Leaving Sami. It was for the best.

Kevin walked through the kitchen, his fingers brushing against the black marble countertops, as if he could somehow bring back the past through lingering touches where they had once shared meals, shared their lives.

He closed his eyes tightly as the memories flooded back.

So many memories. If he could, he’d forget them. It would hurt less if he could just erase Sami from his life. Or, maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe if he had a way to erase Sami, it would make it worse.

Or just make it all go away. Kevin had once said he was nothing without Sami. Now he wanted nothing to do with him. Wherever life took him after that, it would be alone. No more friends, no more lovers, nobody who could break his heart and leave him behind in favor of some bullshit family who didn’t deserve their attention let alone their love. It was time to focus on the prize, the one he should have been focusing on all along.

Because if he couldn’t have Sami, he would settle on Roman’s titles as a consolation prize.

Kevin let out a long, shaking breath.

It really was time to leave.

Opening his eyes again, he walked through the kitchen, grabbing the keys as he passed by before heading through the garage door and locking it behind him.

And as he drove down the street away from his house the final time, he didn’t even offer Sami’s house a glance as he passed by.

#Shanie's Fanfiction #Zowens

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