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#her song was so sad and beige
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i dont care. finland won. im being delusional i dont care i dont care finland won to me
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caesium-55 · 4 days
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—everything is orange. [ iv ]
pairing: lando norris x kpop idol! reader
summary: a racecar driver who needed a fake girlfriend to dispel rumors and a kpop idol who needed publicity for her song. somewhere in between orange cars and orange sunsets, stands something they're afraid of naming.
note: omg im so sorry for not being online lately. i got a writing part time job now so... i may not be as active as before. hope yall are having a great day! not edited. not beta read.
masterlist.
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Everything inside your studio is gray. The walls, the couch, the floor, the instruments. It's the kind of room that will make a sad beige mom over the moon.
But when you open the door and the sight of one Lando Norris greets you, looking devilishly handsome in his dark blue button up shirt and black pants and Nike sneakers with his curls concealed underneath his dark blue bucket hat, the studio suddenly doesn't feel as gray as it usually is.
“Lando?” Your brows rise towards your hairline. Truthfully, he’s one of the last people you expected to see inside HAN Ent’s building, much less outside your studio.
“Hi,” he smiles charmingly at the shock in your voice, showing all teeth and smile lines. “Do you mind if I come in?”
You stammer, still not over your shock, “S-Sure.”
You step aside to grant him space and allow him to enter your magic shop. Lando’s eyes curiously roam around the studio and you close the door behind him, nudging the houseplant further to the wall using your foot to avoid getting tripped on it in the future.
“Take a seat. Please,” you invite, gesturing towards the couch. Lando takes the invitation and sits down. He looks too big on the couch, you note. He has long legs and an athletic build. Perhaps, it’s time to buy a bigger one.
“Nice place,” he compliments.
You want to snort out loud but refrain yourself from doing so.
Lando is saying things out of politeness.
Your studio is shit.
You know that.
It used to be a stock room that was converted into a studio when Yoon PD-nim offered you that deal, that's why the room is graciously small. They soundproofed the walls, painted everything gray, shoved in a few pieces of recording equipment and called it a day.
It's still quite nice of Lando to compliment the place though. You might hate this place but this is your wizard’s tower, your witch’s hut, your magic shop, and you feel pride swell in your chest when someone thinks your little corner is cool, even if you think he’s lying.
“Thanks,” you say sincerely. “How did you know I was…”
“I asked Jinnie,” he says simply.
“Ah,” your tone falls flat.
A moment's pause.
“So this is where you’ve been working?”
You nod. Suddenly, you feel conscious.
Your studio isn't really in the best state right now. When you work in a creative fever, you tend to make a mess. Being messy enhances your creativity. The sprawled papers with lyrics, the empty styro cups of coffee lying around, numerous pens and pencils (you don't even know why you feel the need to bring a lot of them) and rubber erasers, and your snacks. There's a mountain of crumpled paper in your trash can.
“Sorry, the place isn't really….” you trail off, making vague gestures with your hand. “I didn't know you were coming.”
“It's okay,” he chuckles. “I called, you know. And texted. You didn’t return any of it.”
“Oh, my phone’s charging,” you say, beginning to feel bad that you accidentally ignored him. “And my notifs are silent.”
“That explains it.”
“Shouldn't you be resting?” you asked. “You have a flight tomorrow.”
It's currently the 19th. Lando is set to leave for Japan on the 20th. His team wants him in Suzuka by September 20 and not later than that. They already had a field day when Lando announced that he's flying with you. At first, he wanted it to be just you and him. His team wouldn't let him because he can be a PR nightmare if given enough freedom so they let his manager, Kyla, tag along.
You’ve mistaken Kyla as a member of the PR team. Turns out she’s his manager.
“Is it a sin to want to spend a few hours with my girlfriend before I go?” he flutters his eyes innocently. You snorted.
“Fake but okay.”
“I’m being sincere here, girlfriend,” he pushes his lips into a pout. “Did you eat already?”
“No,” you answer.
“Should we grab something together?”
“Should we?” you humor his suggestion. It's been a few hours since you’ve eaten. You’ve skipped both breakfast and lunch.
“I think I can call a restaurant and make a reservation.”
“It's near midnight,” you point out, glancing down at the Rolex decorating his wrist. Isn't he aware of how late it is?
“So?”
“Restaurants are closed by now,” you state.
Lando shrugs.
“I can make the effort of finding those seafood pasta you like.”
Your brows furrow.
“What do you mean like? I never said I like those.”
“But I thought…” Lando blinks. “I’ve read it somewhere…”
“Huh?”
“You're from Jeju, right? You grew up eating seafood so you like seafood and you once said you have a palate for Italian food. I tried…liking the pasta with seafood. I hated it but I ate it anyway.”
Your jaw hangs open at the revelation.
This is single-handedly the sweetest thing someone has ever done to you.
You don't know whether to be touched about the sincerity or to cry because of his idiocy. You can definitely do both but you refuse to do both. You have an image to maintain.
“Didn't I tell you that the company manipulated my public information?” you ask incredulously. “Yes, I was from Jeju but I didn’t eat seafood much. I have a mild allergy—”
“In seafood?” you see his eyes widen into saucers. Oops, you shouldn't have said that. “Wait, you had an allergy attack, didn't you? On those lunch dates we had? Why didn't you tell me so early on?”
“I thought you liked it!” your voice raises slightly, panicked. You're caught. He isn't supposed to know about this.
“I didn't?! I loathe seafood but I ate a few bites because I thought you liked it!”
You blink at him. That is the sweetest while simultaneously the most stupid thing someone has ever done for you. You drag a hand across your face, a groan escaping your mouth and yet you’re smiling. You shake your head at him.
Points for Lando Norris for making you capable of feeling frustrated and another feeling you cannot name.
“We’re idiots.”
There is a stretch of silence before Lando speaks up.
“What do you want to eat? And please tell me the real one.”
You began listing the first three things that appeared inside your brain, “I like…. ramyeon, natto, and tteokbokki.”
You have a palate for convenience store food. Food that you can find in busy night markets. Food that is sold by street vendors. The kind of food that tastes like absolute shit if cold but tastes like home if microwaved into the right amount of temperature. If you venture in your imagination hard enough, you can taste your mother’s cooking after a few bites. But you don't tell Lando that.
“We can eat that.”
You raise a brow.
“The ramen, the chicken, and the tteokdokdok.”
“Tteokbokki,” you correct him gently.
“Tteoktokki,” he repeats.
“Tteok.”
“Tteok.”
“Bokki.”
“Bokki.”
“Tteokbokki.”
“Tteokdokki.”
You shake your head, “Tteok-Bo-Kki.”
“Tteok-Bo-Kki.”
You snap your fingers, nodding in approval, “Better.”
“I literally said the same thing.”
“You didn't.”
“Where will we eat this tteokbokki?” He says the tteokbokki slowly, careful with his pronunciation.
“There are night markets nearby,” you tell him. “It’s crowded though. I know a good convenience store that’s a good drive away. It’s usually empty. Do you go to convenience stores?”
You suddenly feel stupid for asking.
Do multi-millionaires like Lando Norris go to convenience stores? It’ll make much more sense if he books restaurants or employs a private chef to cook for him at home. Do they even have a palate for instant food? What do rich people snack on? You don't know. You're not rich. Even after becoming famous, you’re still not rich enough to live the life of luxury.
This just highlights the difference of the worlds you and Lando live in.
“I do. Just not frequently,” he shrugs. “We can go to the convenience store if you want. I don't mind.”
“No, it’s fine. We can eat anywhere you want. Jinnie might have a few hotel restaurants in mind.”
“But do you want to eat in hotel restaurants?”
His question makes you pause and Lando immediately takes your hesitation as a no.
“We can eat anything you want to eat. This is your place anyway. Show me around.”
You bite your lower lip as you contemplate. Should you or should you not? That is the question.
When your eyes drag themselves back to Lando’s face, you see that he’s already looking at you intently as he awaits your answer patiently. You want to shrink back at the intensity of his gaze.
“Well then, do you want to go on a convenience store date with me, boyfriend?”
Despite the hesitation he’s displayed earlier, Lando grins at your offer.
You take Lando to your favorite place in all of South Korea. Google Maps says it's a three hour drive away. You arrive there in two hours and a half.
Maybe it's a sign to change careers.
You used your Jeep Wrangler. Lando offered to drive but you shook your head and hopped on the driver’s seat, him taking the passenger seat.
You won't allow anyone to drive your car. It's a rule of yours.
The last time you allowed someone to drive your car, your Hyundai jumped over a sewage canal. Lando might be a professional race car driver and that alone spoke multitudes of his driving skills, but you're so traumatized with the incident with your Hyundai that you physically can't allow anyone, professional driver or not, to handle the steering wheel of any other cars you own.
Cars are expensive. You can't buy another car. You’ll bawl when you see the money departing your bank account.
You palm the steering-wheel with your right hand. Your left hand lays flat on the back of the passenger seat, behind Lando’s head. Your upper body is rotated towards the back, full focus activated as you reverse the car in expert ease. Lando is observing you, you can tell. You can feel his eyes burning holes in your side profile.
“You okay?” You ask Lando. The man has gone uncharacteristically silent when you’ve started reversing the car. You hear Lando let out a breath. Almost shakily. You cannot tell for sure.
“Yeah,” his voice breaks like a boy undergoing puberty and you have to thin your lips into a line to prevent yourself from laughing. “Nice parking skills.”
“Thanks,” you say nonchalantly. “You sure you're okay though?”
“Yeah, don’t worry,” you see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he rubs his throat. “I think the seatbelt’s a little too tight.”
Once the car’s perfectly parked, you kill the engine and exit the car. Lando follows suit.
“I don't know why you have to drive for almost three hours just to visit this place,” Lando gestures to the surroundings. “There's nothing here.”
“Exactly,” you say. “Come on, boyfriend.”
You pat his shoulder and lead the way. A bell chimes loudly as you push the door open. You step inside, the British racer only a few steps behind you. You tug down your mask.
“What's this place?” Lando questions.
“24-hour convenience store,” you answer. “But no staff.”
“No staff?” he asks. “So self service?”
“Ah yes, that’s the word. Self service,” You say. “Quite nice, right? We have complete privacy and good food. Two best things in the world.”
“Careful. Your introvert is showing.”
You snort, “First time coming to a place like this?”
“Yeah,” he shrugs. “No staff? Does nobody attempt to steal things?”
You shrug, “Probably not. Ramen is not worth going to jail for.”
“This shop will make a million dollar loss in an hour if it's in another country,” Lando says, his nose wrinkling. “Like in the UK or US or something.”
You beckon Lando to follow you through the aisles, “This way.”
“You even memorize the places of things,” he comments. “You come here often?”
You hum a yes. You stop in front of the freezer and open it, pulling out two plastic cups.
Lando’s forehead creases, “Just ice?”
“This is an ice cup,” you explain.
“Are we going to wait for the ice to melt before drinking it or….”
You stare at him incredulously before promptly bursting out in laughter.
“What's funny?” he asks, genuinely confused.
“Nothing, sorry,” you clear your throat. You don't know why you find that funny. Your humor is broken. “They sell pouches of juice or coffee and you pour it into the cup.”
Lando’s head tilts. He looks like a confused baby owl.
“Here, I’ll show you,” you walk up to a nearby shelf and grab a Kuromi pouch. It's peach-flavored. “This. You pour it here.”
You gesture to the ice cup. Lando’s mouth forms a circle in realization.
“Cool.”
“There are a lot of flavors,” you add, gesturing to the shelf. “Peach, apple, mango, strawberry, orange…”
You read out the flavors for Lando because you know he can't read Hangul. Lando wordlessly picks a grapefruit-flavored pouch. You nod.
“Good choice. Oh wait, we forgot to get a basket. Can you?”
Lando nods and leaves. When he comes back, now with a yellow basket, the two of you continue to browse down the entire store. You explain each of the food. He said no to most of them. Lando is a picky eater, you learn.
The two of you fill the basket near to the brim. You pay for each item, even though Lando insisted that he do it, and you occupy the table that faces that floor-to-ceiling glass window, overlooking the darkness of the night outside.
“Here,” you hand him a plastic fork. Lando accepts it, his brows furrowed. “You were struggling with the chopsticks.”
A shy smile makes its way to his face, “Sorry.”
You wave your hand as if to say it's no problem and plop down on the chair beside him. Lando digs in with his Buldak Samyang carbonara while you stir your Yoppoki Tteokbokki with yours before taking your first bite. You immediately let out a moan of pleasure.
“Is it delicious?” he asked.
“Very.”
You eat until your cheeks fill, chewing slowly.
“Oh wait, you should post something.”
“Now?”
“You took pictures of me earlier, right?” you know he did. He tried to be slick about it but you’d know if someone is taking a picture of you. “Put it on your story.”
“And delete it?”
“No. The world already knows we're dating anyway. Well, fake dating.”
Lando pulls out his phone and shows you the pictures in his gallery. There are aare a total of four pictures. Three are blurry. The other one is blocked by his finger.
“That one is good.”
“What do you mean good? It's blurry.”
“Blurry is an aesthetic.”
Lando shakes his head but opens his Instagram and begins to edit the photo you’ve chosen, “Help me with the caption?”
“I’m not good with them.”
“Me neither.”
“Your first caption was pretty good.”
“You think so?” he sounds hopeful.
You shrug your shoulders.
“Just say something like ‘her’ then put a period.”
That's the limit of your creative powers for the day.
Lando nods and begins typing. He’s typing quite long for a word with three letters and a single punctuation mark. He shows you the caption.
Your brows furrow.
He laughs, “I’m funny.”
“You’re really not,” you shake your head. “Put it in your drafts.”
“So I’m not posting it now?”
“You post it after we leave the place,” you say. “So we’ll be gone by the time the fans see it and decide they’ll come here.”
“That's very smart.”
“That's not being smart. That’s just common sense,” you state flatly.
“You know, I always thought you'd be a cold person.”
You raise a brow, not entirely sure if you're understanding him correctly. Cold is an adjective. It's used to describe temperature. You're uncertain if it can be applied to use as an adjective to describe a person.
Lando must have sensed your confusion that he adds, “Ice queen.”
Oh.
Yeah.
Okay. You understand it now.
“You used to look so cold and cool,” Lando says. “Ice queen. But also an IDGAF attitude. Very intimidating.”
You have no idea what IDGAF means but you nod your head and act like you understand him anyway. You make a mental note to search it up on the internet later.
“But you’re not.”
“I’m not,” you echo.
“You’re actually pretty sweet,” he adds.
“I’m trying to be kind.”
“You don't have to try. You already are.”
“The companies make us act sometimes.”
“What?”
“Like, before debut,” you begin. “There are companies that assign certain images to their idols. They give them parts to play like directors do to actors in movies. Like, oh, you look like this kind of person so you have to act like this kind of person. They take a look at your visuals and decide what role you’ll have. They took one look at my face and told me that I have to be a strict and serious person who is scary and cold and unbothered. I didn't want to do it because I tend to smile really easily before and I just wanted to have a lot of friends, you know?”
You shrug your shoulders.
“When you’re intimidating, you tend to not have a lot of them. Despite that, I followed the role. Many praised me for it and others just….well, they didn't like it. The company was happy, though. They told me I was good at acting. But it's just…sad that the person I am on the screen is not real.”
“Yeah, that's honestly sad. I can't imagine doing that for my team. I’ll suck at it. Imagine me cold and serious,” Lando makes a serious face but he ends up doing a The Rock Smoulder. You have to stop yourself from laughing out loud by thinning your lips and twisting it.
“You're doing it, though. For the team. This whole fake dating thing,” you gesture to yourselves.
Lando mutters something under his breath while stroking his chin. You don't catch it.
“Hm?”
“Nothing. I think your eyes are pretty.”
He's changing the subject. He does it so swiftly, too.
“I know, I thank my mother every day for it,” you joke and Lando chuckles softly. “But don't be jealous, you have pretty eyes yourself.”
He turns into a lovely shade of pink. You can see it. You don't speak of it.
“It changes colors sometimes,” you continue, pointing at your eyes. “Like, it’s kind of gray in the dark. But if the sun shines on it, it has three colors.”
“You stare at my eyes a lot, do you?”
“Well, if a certain thing is pretty, you can't help but stare, you know?”
“Yeah, I guess that's why I stare at you a lot, too.”
You laugh, the sound airy, shaking your head. What a flirt. The cute kind.
“I’m quite the head turner, aren't I?”
“You are,” he agrees seriously.
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
He smirks, confident.
“Careful, you might fall for me, fake girlfriend,” he says cheekily. You have the desire to shatter his ego so you did.
“You're handsome but you're not my type.”
His smirk falters. You give a chortle.
“What's your type then?” he asks, leaning slightly forward. His eyes reflect anticipation.
You fall into a momentary thoughtful silence, “For starters, attractive men who can drive very fast cars. With a racing license this time. Not like me.”
Lando smiles at your light attempt at a joke. Good to know that he finds the dark humor surrounding your career-ending scandal funny.
“I am an attractive man,” he gestures to his face. “With a priceless face and I drive a very fast car. Formula one or sports cars. Oh and would you look at that? I have a racing license and a regular driving license.”
“You are an attractive man,” you agree. “But again, not my type.”
Lando dramatically puts his hand against his chest, right above where his heart lies and acts like you just shot him dead on the spot.
“Hmm, what else? Ah, plays golf,” you list another trait of your ideal man.
“I play golf,” he crosses his arms, leans back against the back of his seat, and lifts his hips a little as he adjusts his sitting position on the chair, manspreading a little. This is one of the subtle things men do that women cannot help but find attractive. You’re also a woman. Of course, you find that attractive.
You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance. Lando laughs at you.
“A few years older than me.”
When Lando opens his mouth, you cut him off, holding up a finger, “I’m older than you.”
By months only but still.
“In the standards of your fake birthday, I am older than you.”
You huff, shaking your head. He is right, to some degree. The world thinks he is older than you because HAN Entertainment decided to lie about your birthday.
“Looks good in red.”
“You know, orange is a mixture of red and yellow. Technically, it's still red. So I look good in red. One plus one equals two. I am connecting shit.”
He raises two index fingers in the air and connects them together to put further emphasis on the words he imparted in a sage-like manner.
“You're not connecting anything.”
“Hell yeah, I am. I am so smart, I should just be McLaren’s chief strategist. Maybe then I can finally get my first win.”
You cannot help but raise an amused brow.
“Fine, if you're so smart Mr. Strategist, what's plan A to your victory?”
His answer comes immediately, no hesitation and he utters it with so much confidence in his chest: “Sneak into Red Bull and steal their car.”
You abruptly burst out laughing, the sound filling up the entire convenience store. You cannot hold it in anymore. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to quiet yourself down.
You don't laugh pretty. You're very much aware of that. You sound like a dolphin when you do. But Lando is so funny that you forget to feel conscious of the weird sound that leaves your mouth for a whole five seconds before you remember to compose yourself and stop.
“You don't have to cover your mouth when you laugh, you know?” he says. “Or try to stop yourself from laughing. Just laugh if you want.”
You give him a look. Why is he turning serious all of a sudden?
“Wait, red?” Lando does a double take once you’ve composed yourself. “Don’t tell me your ideal type is….”
His forehead creases. You nod.
He says, “Carlos?!” the same time you say, “It’s Kim Mingyu.” How did he even come to that conclusion?
Oh wait. Red. Older than you. Drives fast cars. Racing license. Makes sense.
You blink at each other.
“Who the hell is Kim Mingyu?”
“You don't know Kim Mingyu?” you pull out your phone, open Google Photos, and search for the folder named: 민규❤️❤️❤️. The folder contains 7659 photos of Kim Mingyu.
“Fake boyfriend, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Kim Mingyu,” you show your favorite Mingyu photo.
The one where he’s wearing a black fitted shirt, his cheek against the back of his hand, and the veins in his arms bulging. He’s serving major boyfriend vibes.
Lando rolls his eyes.
“He doesn’t look that good.”
“No, Lando, you are not seeing it,” you hold the phone closer to his face.
“I am seeing it and I am saying he’s not good looking.”
“Lies.”
“I'm not lying.”
“It's Kim Mingyu.”
“And?”
You pull a face, retracting your phone. “Come on, he’s quite good looking. And tall. Very tall.”
You once have to stand beside him in an ending ceremony in Inkigayo. You barely even come up to his chest.
“I’m tall.”
“You’re shorter than him.”
“You're killing me here.”
You chuckle. You pat his shoulder in faux sympathy.
“There, there. That's okay. You're my boyfriend anyway. Don't be jealous.”
“Damn right, I am.”
You snort.
“But you have to stan Seventeen though. After your race in Suzuka, we’ll try to binge GoSe.”
When you’re too full to finish the rest of your tteokbokki, you drag Lando outside the convenience store.
“Sand?” he questions.
“Sand,” you state.
“There's sand in my shoes,” Lando complains.
“Take it off and like,” you make the motion of flipping your shoes upside down to remove the sand inside. He does as you’ve told him but he seems to be not fully satisfied with it. There is still sand inside his shoe.
“This won't do,” he says. “I should have brought flip flops.”
“Let's go barefoot,” you kick off your shoes and neatly place them on the foot of a nearby coconut tree. You motion for Lando to do the same, but you’re met with hesitance.
“What if someone steals them?”
It's a valid concern to have, you suppose. You look around you. Darkness is all that can be perceived.
“Who’d steal them? Cheonyeogwisin?”
“I don't even know what that is.”
“Just leave the shoes here, Lando.”
The sand feels good underneath your feet. A bit ticklish. A little too familiar. You turn on the flashlight of your phone and jog up to the shore.
“Wait for me!” you hear Lando scream from behind you.
“Palli!” you yell back, voice almost drowning in the wind.
“I am palli-ing!”
You roll your pants up to your knees and soak your feet in the cold waves, shivering. You turn around just as Lando body slams you and the two of you fall into the ice-cold waves. Your jaw comes slack, eyes wide. The two of you are now drenched from head to toe.
Lando bashfully smiles, “Sorry.”
“Lando!” you splash him in his face.
Lively shrieks fill the silent night sky. The stars twinkle with mirth at the two of you, the line between fake and real blurring.
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Lando flies out just four hours after you arrive in Seoul proper. You feel bad for bringing him somewhere far and not giving him enough hours to rest. Then, he tells you: "It's one of the best nights I've ever had."
He sounds so sincere that you have to stop yourself from blushing red.
In the schedule Jinnie gave you, you are only required to make an appearance in the race proper on the 24th. You have the 20th, 21st, and 22nd to work on your single before having to fly out on the 23rd. Regardless, you fly to Japan on the 21st with Jinnie in tow, two days earlier than your original schedule.
Jinnie doesn't question nor protest against your obvious disobedience on the appointed schedule. You're glad she didn't.
"Lando?" you question after seeing the man standing behind your hotel door. It's nearly twelve and you've just checked in the hotel with Jinnie. "What are you..."
"Just checking in," he smiles. "Do you mind if I come in?"
"Don't you have a race tomorrow?" Despite your question, you sidestep to let him inside your hotel room. "You should be resting."
"That's okay. I'm well rested. Are you going to watch the FP1 tomorrow?"
You shake your head, "I'm going to work on my song."
"Oh," his face falls. "Why'd you fly in early then?"
You shrug.
Honestly, you don't know either.
It's an act based purely on impulse. Not your finest moments.
"Maybe I can watch?" you say. "I'm not really sure."
You don't want to get mobbed again.
ORACLE has a rather large fanbase in Japan. You know there will be curious fans who'll await your appearance in the race. And while you're glad that your PR relationship with Lando is receiving the right type of attention from the public, you still hate having this much attention on you.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Lando says.
"I'll go," you decide with finality. "I mean this is why we're doing this in the first place, right? Make people believe that we're real."
Lando's lips form a line.
"I suppose."
"Then, I'll be there."
The song making can wait.
Once again, Jinnie takes charge in deciding your clothing. You’ve long since given up on protesting or even suggesting your ideas. You have to get used to it again. Wearing whatever is given to you like a doll. After all, you are to return to the stage of KPop again.
Today’s WAG OOTD is a Miu Miu black dress, a black leather jacket, and Gianvito Rossi strappy sandals. Nothing too impressive. It's just the free practice sessions after all.
Jinnie hands you the McLaren ball cap and you grimace.
“How's the song coming up?”
“I’ve been trying to combine my demos and see how it sounds,” you reply. “But I have a concept in mind and I jotted down a few phrases for the lyrics.”
“I got an email from Yoon PD-nim today. He’s strongly suggesting you use a racing concept for your single.”
Strongly suggesting.
Translation: commanding.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Fuck it.
He’s really going to use the scandal and hope it’ll make you rise from the ashes like a phoenix reborn. The problem is that you're far from a phoenix. You’re human. As disappointing that may be but that is the cold truth. You're uncertain how people will react if you use a racing concept. You cannot afford to risk this over something like this.
You have one chance. And if KNetz reacts badly on your song and your MV, you’re never going to have another chance to go back on stage, to go back home.
Yoon PD-nim is too thoughtless at times. You want to shake him.
Jinnie drives you to the paddock and drops you to the parking lot. You expect that you’ll have to find your way to the garage again alone. Your knees are trembling as you step out of the car.
To your surprise, a staff member of the McLaren team—you assume he works for the team because of the orange polo shirt—approaches you as you exit the car.
“[Name]?”
“Hi,” you offer a polite smile.
“I’m Rick, I’m one of Lando’s mechanics, pleasure to meet you,” he introduces.
“Pleasure is all mine, Sir,” you say, dipping your chin into a small bow.
“Come this way,” he beckons. You follow him.
“Did Lando ask you to pick me up?”
“Well, he insisted on picking you up but the race was about to start so we had to force him to stay put in the livery and he wouldn't stay put until we said we’ll pick you up. Said people might flock over you and you don't like it when it happens.”
Your heart warms.
“That's very thoughtful of him. And sweet.”
“That's Lando Norris for you,” he says. “He’s always treating all the people he’s working with kindly. He only has to be polite but he even exerts effort in helping and making our work easier.”
“That's true,” you agree. “I can attest to that, as his fake girlfriend. He only has to treat me well when there's a camera but he’s even going as far as offering friendship.”
The rest of the walk to McLaren was peaceful. Or at least as peaceful as you hope it can be.
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fluloa · 1 year
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my headcanons for the sully family
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JAKE:
- has an apron that says ‘kiss the chef’
- has thought about getting an ear piercing and would like to
- always itchy, like will be constantly scratching at a random part of his body during a casual conversation
- had a loner phase when he was in middle school
- doesn’t like fuzzy things, he hates the texture and the way it feels on his skin, gives him a bad type of goosebumps
- adhd. said what i said
- flexes his big dad muscles every chance he can get (good for him tbh)
- finds it so relaxing when neytiri plays with his hair
- is a big purrer, to the point where it’s embarassing and he HATES it but he can’t help it
- cries every single time he watches the start of finding nemo
- hates watching reality tv
NEYTIRI:
- loves watching reality tv
- bites off her toenails (sorry not sorry)
- really likes apple juice
- loves the song cover me in sunshine by pink, every time she plays it, lo’ak screams out in agony
- a sad beige baby mom
- makes weird faces when feeding babies and does the sound ‘nom nom nom’
- loves cats. jake got one for her for her birthday and he doesn’t think she’s ever seen her happier
- wine lover and proud (especially with these little shit of a kids)
- has a collection of perfumes and jewellery that she only touched like once or twice. poor girl just forgets about them bc of all the stress she’s holdin
- the type of mom to demand every kid’s room is clean when somebody is going to be over. lo’ak is always the one to say “they won’t even be coming into our room!”
- lo’ak gets a whooping for that
NETEYAM:
- asks jake for his old band t-shirts
- loves water parks and will say weeee when going down the slides
- lets tuk put makeup on his face. but that stopped after she used some cheap shop makeup on him and he got an allergic reaction from it
- sometimes he wears belt with his jeans and it is funny
- always forgets to knock before opening doors. once caught jake butt naked and has never been the same again
- his favourite color is purple but he says it’s blue so that people don’t make fun of him
- loves playing laser tag even though he sucks ass at it
- he’s a fan of marvel and he’s always first at the cinemas when a movie comes out
- likes to skateboard. surprisingly very good at it since he’s only used it like ten times since he got it for 12th birthday
- for some odd reason, he really likes helping neytiri out with grocery shopping? also a guilty pleasure to pick out some of his favorite snacks and being the perfect little son that he is, neytiri always says yes
- brushes his teeth DAY AND NIGHT without a skip
KIRI:
- definitely plays my singing monsters
- had a monster can collection phase (will not admit to it although)
- that being said, had an ‘indie kid’ phase and begged norm for a couple of unused cds so she could paint them
- listens to mitski and lana del ray and flexes it to people and attacks them if they say they don’t know who they are or they don’t like their music
- wants her septum pierced but by neytiri’s words, “i’d rather die.”
- does her own hair, hence why it’s so messily beautiful
- neytiri cuts her hair though, as much as she doesn’t like to admit it
- would really like a tattoo, but neytiri has said no obviously
- tried asking jake for the tattoo, but jake was terrified of neytiri’s expression so he said no
- then tried to do a stick and poke and it failed miserably (rejected from her skin a week later)
- weirdly insecure of her nose, sometimes she likes it, sometimes she doesn’t
- jumps on the trampoline with tuk until she’s passed out from exhaustion
- plant lover. like seriously has a dozen in her room and will panic if she hasn’t gotten the time to water them for a day
LO’AK:
- plays mortal kombat and has an addiction to it. will yell out fatality when putting neteyam in a headlock
- begs neytiri for waves (she always says no, thank god)
- has got led lights in his room that are stuck to the wall with shitty sticky tape. you can easily see it, too
- always facetiming tsiyera but half of the time she doesn’t answer
- the type to lick chip dust off of his fingers until the last speck is demolished
- SATURDAYS ARE FOR THE BOYS
- has a pet fish and secretly adores her, her name’s shelly and will go into deep detail if you ask about her
- favorite food is doritos and takis
- was a ‘all girls are the same’ type before he met tsiyera
- wears his worn ass jordans religiously
TUK:
- has a pink ipad
- makes her own fake youtube tutorials on said ipad. kiri sneakily watches them when she’s sleeping
- can do an impressive amount of tricks on the trampoline and each time she learns a new one she yells out, “DAD!!! DAD, DAD, DAD, COME WATCH THIS!!!! DAD!! DAD!! DAD!!!!”
- her heart broke when jake with a few drinks in his system decided to jump on the trampoline on a party night and ended up tearing a massive hole in the middle of it
- has a CRIPPLING obsession with slime and neytiri absolutely hates it. always searching up ‘how to make slime no borax no glue’ and always makes a mess of wherever she makes it
- SHE LOVES DISNEY and her favorite princess is moana
- begged neytiri to let her dye the ends of her hair purple. neytiri used one of those ten washes dyes in a box and didn’t bleach her hair before because “no way am i putting bleach in my daughter’s hair” when it didn’t work because tuk’s hair is literally pitch black, she cried
- she literally loves the low space buns hairstyle and will forever ask neytiri to do it for her. but will end up crying because of how hard neytiri pulls her hair (it’s not even that hard)
- has a huge collection of squishmallows (jake got her them all)
- doesn’t actually like chocolate but loves candy
- the type to bounce on neytiri and jake’s bed to wake them up
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afairytalestray · 5 months
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OK so on Saturday I got to go to Milan to see the Cats Il Sistina tour and HOLY GOD IT WAS AWESOME. I'm glad I studied the character designs in advance because a lot of the costumes are really different. I'm not typically a huge fan of nonreplicas but Il Sistina may well change that!
I've compiled my thoughts on the show here! Nb, I do not speak Italian so I'm not sure how close to the original lyrics the translation is 😅
There were no green goggles, but the Cats did come in through the audience. I had an aisle seat and Cassandra walked right past me! She was right there and so beautiful omg.
I've gotta get in right at the start that Simone Ragozzino is my new all-time favourite Mungojerrie. The most ever! A little guy. He got most of the acrobatics that Tumblebrutus usually does - apparently Simone used to be an acrobat/gymnast so that makes sense. He and Rumpleteazer were sufficiently chaotic but also clearly valued and beloved members of the tribe. Idk man Simone just got it. Tumble-jerrie ftw. 
The cathedral from "round the cathedral" was changed to a Colosseum reference which I loved 😍
I'm obsessed with Demeter’s makeup from this tour actually. I'm personally not the biggest fan of cryptid-style makeup and looks in Cats in general, but I feel like Deme was balancing just on the edge and it really worked and I loved it. Maybe it was Viviana Salvo's acting as well - she was fabulous at toeing that line between stunning and unnerving!
Tugger and Munkustrap were super close! Munk was less annoyed by Tugger’s antics than normal and they did this thing at one point where Tugger was holding onto Munk who leant fully backwards off the edge of the stage - it was like a trust exercise and I was a fan. Their rendition of Old Deuteronomy was lovely and their voices worked so good together! Tugger was definitely Munkustrap’s second in command of the tribe. I wish Tugger was a bit more Tugger in appearance, he seemed very yellow with not a lot of detail on his costume, but the personality was hundo p present and accounted for. He did the "bite is worse than your bark" line in Jellicle Songs and legit barked at the end.
Jennyanydots was fabulous! Instead of a big coat she literally wore a giant ball of wool, and one of the props was giant knitting needles and the start of what might have been a giant scarf - it took 6 of the Cats to carry it. It actually worked super well for Milan, which is known for fashion and fabrics - there's even a giant sewing needle sculpture outside Cadorna Station! It was probably a happy coincidence but I enjoyed it!
Victoria's role was changed quite a bit, her solo was totally different and the pas de deux was gone. There also kinda just... wasn't the big small first touch Vic and Grizabella moment, which I was sad about, but if Griz's big moment wasn't "TOUCH MEEEEEE" in the translation, I'm not so bothered by it. I wish Vic had a bit bigger of a role because I love her, but she was killing it whenever she was on stage.
We are all stan pink Jemima, she had such a lovely voice too. Her and Alonzo were playing with a tennis ball during the interval and it was adorable.
My beloved Coricopat and Tantomile were lying in the Mouth of Truth prop after Moments of Happiness; they had their usual role of translating Old Doots through Jemima so I thought their placement here was deliberate! They weren't always fully in sync which I kinda liked, it was like they were allowed to be their own characters rather than just "the twins". I definitely got the impression that Tantomile was the older sister which hella backs up my hcs about her!
Gus was absolutely WILD. He comes in after Jellylorum has done her whole first part of the song in this raggedy old tradiotional Sherlock Holmes-style beige plaid coat instead of being there but kinda out of it the whole time. At first he wasnt keen on replaying any of his roles, but then all the others were like please please please and he relented. I think they were calling him (or his role) Romero? Idk if that's an Italian reference I just don't get? They did Pekes and Pollicles (one of the above had been changed to chihuahuas!) and then the bold Rumpus/Romero appeared... in a red satin bath robe and holding a sabre??? I need to look up this reference! Dude didn't just intimidate the pollicles, he straight up cut a couple of them down with his sword! Grandpa woke up and chose violence 😂
There was no trash train in Skimbleshanks 😭😭 there were giant glowstick things that changed colours though. Skimble and Bustopher were played by the same actor which is a combo I haven't seen before. Skimble was definitely still everyone's favourite train dad, all the characters were totally hyped for his song. HE DID TAP LIKE IN 2019. It was really cool how they did it, all the music stopped and he started a call and response tap dance with some of the other characters. The background showed an animated video of going through a train tunnel, like from the perspective of a train driver! The tap was gradually speeding up and became the sound effects of a train setting off and moving through the tunnel. I'm not explaining this super well but it was SO cool.
The Macavity Fight was quite different. There wasn't him disguised as Old Deuteronomy and then unmasked. What happened was he showed up and caused some shenanigans and then disappeared. There were about 4 of him around, so it looked like he was teleporting around the stage and audience! Bombalurina and Demeter performed his song which was absolutely fantastic (seriously how do these actresses actually manage to dance like that and sing at the same time?? Goddesses), after that he showed up again and the full cast was involved in the fight. Munkustrap still got the good choreography, but the whole tribe was involved trying to protect Old Deuteronomy. Tugger was definitely a protector in this production, he was very involved. Jerrie got KO'd a good few times, and Macavity absolutely destroyed poor Jenny! It felt like all of them were trying to protect their family and I really liked that. Despite that, Macavity was still able to win and successfully kidnap Old Doots!
"Mungojerrie, RUMPLETEAZER, Griddlebone" they let my girl do crime again!
Mistoffelees and Quaxo were besties, and Misto was REALLY enjoying Tugger's song I'm just saying. Delighted to announce Il Sistina Misto was a fruity little guy. He didn't get the terrible bore line, sad face, that went to Quaxo, but tbh idk how they translated that so it could be totally different! At one point Alonzo was holding him back at the start of Tugger’s song! We then saw a sponge-like Misto who picked up behaviours from the others around him, like he wasn't too sure of himself. This is actually one of my favourite Misto hcs so i was so chuffed to see it so clearly. He then helped Alonzo rein George (at least I think it was George!) in from going mental fanboy at Tugger. He was originally curious about Griz but then adjusted to hissing upon seeing the others. This fully went forward into his song. They did some big choreo changes. It was significantly less dance-heavy than traditional Misto performances and had a stronger focus on him being magic. There was a levitating box that they spent a lot of time with - Magician's Assistant Cass got in, but then she didn't disappear? She just popped back out again after the box had been rotated a few times. Some of the Kittens were waving their hands under the box to prove there was nothing holding it up and looking amazed which was adorable though. There was also a bit where Misto put some cards into a hat, the hat got passed down a line of Cats and then at the end they just sort of flew out? Like idk maybe they changed the lyrics where they're describing different magic tricks and it all makes sense! I THOUGHT THE CONJURING TURNS WERE GONE, but they were just moved to the very end of the song and cut down quite a bit.
Ok BUT LISTEN, à la 2019, the poor boy tried and failed twice to bring back Old Deuteronomy and then just sort of flopped in the corner all defeated but then BOYFRIEND TUGGER HELD HIS HANDS AND GOT RIGHT UP CLOSE AND WAS LIKE I BELIEVE IN YOU BABE and omg for real those actors knew EXACTLY what they were doing Tuggoff nation RISE. I'm always a red-sheet-turned-cape stan but I can definitely get behind the sparkly tail coat and playing card bowtie. He also had this handkerchief that he threw up in the air and it became a magic wand. I have no idea how and it was very silly so obviously I loved it. Although I wasn't massively into the choreo changes (ballet dancer Misto 5eva), Pierpaolo Scida was a magnificent Misto and I adored him - he was so cute! The little background actions and looks he did were so in character with how he interpreted Misto! Also he was beautiful you can't change my mind.
Malika was such an intense Grizabella - 10/10. She was proud but so vulnerable. She walked right past me when she first came in and lads, she did the whole show in these massive stilettos - absolute queen. At one point it literally rained on her on stage! During her first Memory, Old Deut was really watching her, and at the end of it he approached her, but she ran off when she saw him. I thought it was a super cool character moment, like she knew she wanted to be accepted, but wasn't quite ready for it. Even after the big Memory and Old Deuteronomy declared her the Jellicle Choice, Victoria approached her, but she was still too scared to let her, and it was Jemima who finally was able to reach her and bring her in. At the end she just kinda disappeared off stage - there were no flying tyres or magic stairs in the circus tent!
During the bit after the bows some of the cats were out in the audience and Tugger scared the absolute crap out of this one woman by poking his head in between her and the person sitting next to her. Iconic. Also during the latter part of the interval the audience was allowed to come up to the edge of the stage where some of the actors were goofing about in character. This mf pretended to cough up a hairball and now I have it on video. I also got some close ups of Teazer and the beautiful Bomba!
The Italian Junkyard was fabulous! It was mostly roman landmarks like Piazza Navona and Bocca della Verità, but there was also Michelangelo's David (which I'm pretty sure is in Florence) above the orchestra! There was also a giant marble foot, an Italian-style water fountain, and a broken column. My favourite prop was the bench, it's elevated at the back left of the stage and the cast were using it like a slide to enter the stage! Also it seemed to be Misto’s preferred location to lounge.
In conclusion, I will never get over this.
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folk-ivy · 4 months
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HELP idk where to like request shit but you should do one where it’s like a matt or chris fic based off the song dress by taylor andddd basically they’ve been “dating” for like a few months but trying to keep it from the other brothers and y/n get’s fed up because she’s sick of feel like like a secret (illicit affairs pun lol?) anyways so she shows up to this party they’re all going to in a really hot sexy dress knowing it’ll mess w matt/chris head nd then like smut in a bathroom 🎀🔥💖 thank yewww bye.
Dress.
Matt Sturniolo x fem!reader
When you break-up with your secret boyfriend after being tired of being kept a secret, a stupid party may change everything
smut!
author's notes: thank you so much for your request! sorry if this was not what you imagined, i had never written smut before, so sorry if this is bad (it probably is)! once again, english is not my first language, i apologize for any mistakes!💗
warnings: smut; cursing
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The red dress with black lace flowers was hugging my figure perfectly, defining every curve exactly the way I like it. I run my hand over the dress hugging my body and when I feel the silk with the touches of lace all over my palm, I knew the night would be something to remember.
“Earth calling Y/N” I hear my best friend, Emily, who was sitting on the queen-sized bed in the middle of her room, say to me.
"I'm here, I'm here" I say without a hint of enthusiasm.
"Oh, you're still sad about that fight, right?" she says and I automatically lower my gaze.
The fight.
I've never been a quarrelsome person, I've never liked anything that leads to a disagreement, maybe it's because I can't maintain an argument without starting to cry, but that's another story.
With Matt everything seemed different.
I liked that idiot so much that I ended up fighting with him; not out of hate, but because I liked him so much and I just wanted him to understand my side for just a moment.
I hated being kept a secret, I hated the feeling of having to hide and having to act like a fugitive, a criminal.
But I think it's stupid things we do when we're in love.
Emily was the only one who remotely knew about us, well she knew we were more than friends but she had no idea he had asked me to be his girlfriend a while ago.
Matt hid me from everyone, his brothers, his parents, his family and especially his fans. At first it was fun, the adrenaline of hiding from everyone, of taking risks. Over time I started to hate it, I started to want to be free at any cost, even if it wasn't with him by my side.
--3 hours before--
"Matt, you don't understand! I really like you! I don't want to hide anymore" I say, feeling the heavy tears forming in my eyes.
"You don't understand my side! Do you know what they'll say if they find out we're together?" he shouts "they're going to slaughter you, Y/N, that's what they're going to do!"
"I don't care! I just want to be able to have you by my side without having to worry about what the rest of the world thinks!" I say, even louder "shit, not even your brothers know about me! And they know everything about you! It's almost like you're ashamed of me"
"Stop acting like a child" he says, this time with a lower but more rigid tone of voice.
"Fuck you, Matt! I'm not a woman to be hidden, and if you don't want to admit me, fuck you!" I scream, with tears already streaming down my face "we should break up"
"What?"
"That's right, we're breaking up!" I speak, this time lower but with more hatred laced in my voice "t your fans and your brothers that you were too soft to be able to keep a woman like me"
I grab my bag from the beige sofa and walk to the door, when I feel my boyfriend's, or rather ex-boyfriend's, arm grabbing my wrist.
"Please don't go" he says softly, with a small tear running down his face
I shake my wrist until he lets go and walk out the wooden door.
--current time--
“Fuck, Y/N, lost in thought again?” Emily's voice interrupts my daydreams again.
"Sorry, sorry" I say
"Come, the Uber is coming" she says, gets out of bed, and drags me to the front of the house
"I'm not in the mood, Emi" I say "can't we stay home?"
I've always liked parties, and it's very likely that this one will cheer me up after my bad breakup with Matt, but, knowing what the triplets are like and knowing the character of the owner of the party house, it's very likely that I'll meet them there and, if If I meet Matt, my night is likely to end right there.
"We're too hot to stay at home, come on!" She says and drags me when a notification from that app arrives on her cell phone.
The way to the party was short but funny, after we discovered that the Uber driver was, in fact, Emily's distant cousin.
We greeted Emily's cousin/uber and got out of the car when we saw the large party house located at the end of the street.
The place was huge, and had a silver bear statue outside and neon lights going off everywhere.
We presented our invitations that we bought 2 hours before, and entered the house.
Loud music and the smell of weed quickly overwhelm my senses, and I look at Emi as she drags me over to the corner to get a drink.
I order a shot of whiskey; I've never been a drinker, but I think a little alcohol won't hurt, right?
We talk for a while sitting on the metal bar stool, and in a small moment of silence I observe the other side of the 4-story house, and that's where my world stops.
Matt
My eyes meet his and I watch as he walks towards me.
I panic, after all, what the hell can you do when your ex-boyfriend is coming towards you in the middle of a crowded party?
Is pretending to faint really such a bad option?
Before I can put my plan into action and throw myself on the ground, I feel a warm hand grab my arm.
"Hi" he says with his palm on my arm, but avoiding my gaze
"What do you want, Matthew?" I say
"Please, can we at least talk?"
"No"
"Please!"
"She fucking said no!" my friend interrupts, ripping Matt's hand off my arm.
A simple conversation can't end so badly, right?
"Emi, it's okay" I say in a calm voice, and I watch from the corner as Matt's eyes fill with hope "Let's go"
I get up and walk towards the unisex bathroom that was just a few meters away from us.
I enter the bathroom followed by Matt, and I can't help but notice when he locks the door.
"Hey, I think we should talk" he says softly, when I turn towards him with my arms crossed.
"Yes, you already said that" I say "say it, Matt"
"Please, I want you back! Forgive me for hiding you for so long, I think I was just too scared; I don't care what the world thinks, I just want you! It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since I've seen you but I already miss your hugs, so please come back with me...I love you" he says, without pauses and with an extremely shaky voice.
I've never been one to trust others, but something in his tone told me he was serious, and that I could trust him.
However, I couldn't help but pay attention to his last three words.
'I love you'
Shit, I love this idiot too, after all, who could not? His laugh, his smile, and all his flaws, I love everything, and I just want him to know that.
"I love you too, asshole" I say and grab his face in my hands, while pulling him for a kiss.
What was supposed to be an innocent kiss became a make out session, and what was supposed to be a make out session, became something bigger.
Once sweet and calm, the meeting of our mouths was now frantic and needy.
His hands fly to my waist and down to my ass, while my hands roughly grab strands of him.
"You know, I loved that dress, but I would love for it to be on the floor" he breaks the kiss.
"You know, I only bought it so you could take it off" I say and we both laugh as he slowly lowers the right strap.
My left hand is quick to pull the other strap, leaving me now naked from the waist up.
"Holy shit" he says staring at my breasts
"You can touch it" I say and smirk.
His hands fly to my bust, with his fingers pinching the nipples that are stiff from the cold of the bathroom.
A soft moan leaves my mouth and I see his pupils dilate even further, if possible, as he lets out his own moan.
I kiss him again as he pushes me towards the sink, picking me up on his lap and, without breaking the kiss, placing me on top of the sink with my legs open and him between them.
“Let me fuck you, please?” he asks slyly.
"Yes" I whisper with my eyes closed, and I hear his belt being unfastened and the sound of his jeans falling to the floor.
His hands go straight to my wet center, and I feel him tear my panties and make a small caress on my thigh.
"Wow, I liked those panties" I say
"I'll buy you twenty of these, love"
He presses his forehead to mine, hugs my waist and begins to slowly insert his dick into my entrance.
"My god" I say and lock my eyes on his, while I feel a small burning sensation.
The touch of pain is soon replaced by pure pleasure as I feel him thrust his entire length into me.
"Please move" I whisper and plant a little kiss on his mouth, just to let him know it's okay.
And he starts, with slow but strong thrusts.
The wet sound and our moans are all that can be heard in the bathroom with the white tiled wall, the occasional noise of my body against the sink is also present.
And, again, what was sweet and calm becomes frantic and needy.
His thrusts are faster, and I grab his hair with my hands while his right palm goes towards my clitoris, making circular movements and giving small taps.
"Holy shit, I'm going to cum!" I scream and he continues with rapid thrusts
"Me too" he says weakly as he looks at me.
I feel like I can see stars as I collapse into his arms, and I feel thick liquid being poured inside me.
My whole body goes limp as I feel him grabbing me with his right arm and slowly withdrawing his cock from inside me, soon being replaced by his fingers that try to keep his liquid inside my body
"I fucking love you" he says "and I would never be ashamed of you"
And it was at that moment that I knew everything had changed.
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alonetimelover · 1 year
Text
Action! - champagne problems - 2020
Pairings: Harry Styles x Director!Reader (she/her)
Summary: YN thinks Harry wants to save their relationship after the big fight they had two weeks ago. Harry thinks that too. But their definitions of saving are diametrically different.
Warnings: angst! mention of unloving family
Word count: ~3,0k
A/N: After a few messages I decided to let you know how exactly the break up between YN and Harry happened. It can be read as a second part to tolerate it. And of course it's based on champagne problems by Taylor Swift and has some other songs lyrics in it. Enjoy!
series masterlist let's talk about action!universe
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my love 👨‍🎤
i'll be home today
i have a surprise for you, can you please get ready for 6? H
Two messages. 
First ones after two weeks of silence. Two weeks of contemplating over what had happened and what would happen. Two weeks of going to sleep on the cold bed and waking up to even colder one. Two weeks of being alone with her thoughts, feelings, regrets, promises and sadness. Fourteen days. 
Day after the other, she sank deeper and deeper into her lake of self-destructive thoughts. She wallowed in them. And as much as she’d loved water since being a little baby, she was drowning. And there was no saving. 
At exactly 6 pm the doorbell rang. In her white heels tapping on the floor and beige skirt flowing with her, YN anxiously walked to the door opening it. 
There he was, cream trousers, white tee with Hawaiian shirt on top of it, flowers - florists bouquet of pink roses - in his right hand. Harry sported a look of pure ‘I don’t know what I am doing’ hidden behind his ‘I’m so happy to see you’ persona. But YN knew him well enough to look past that, and he - at least she hoped so - knew her perfectly as well, feeling her uneasiness. And they both decided to ignore it. What more could go wrong?
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
No one would believe they were the people that spent a full 22 hours talking without taking a break. No one. No one even would have think they were once unstoppable, inseparable. No one would believe there once was love, yearning, appreciation or desire. Those people couldn’t be the one standing there.
“I see you’re ready?”
“Yeah, I - I’m just gonna grab my bag and we can go.”
No kiss hello. No ‘how are you?’. No ‘you look great’. They couldn’t even speak normally with each other. Two weeks just snapped them - or rather only YN - out of her blissful belief that everything was good. Now, everything was in its true colours. 
“We can go,” she said after coming back with a little white bag in hand. 
“Ladies first.” Harry gestured towards the door. 
The drive to the restaurant was spent in silence. No conversation or radio going on in the background. Not even a sound of the car - his electric one being so quiet. It wasn’t a comfortable silence they’d been used to, that they’d enjoyed having once in a while. This one brought discomfort. To Harry, because of the plan that he had created just this morning. And to YN, because it - them - felt even more done for than after that fight which had caused Harry to leave her alone in their once shared house. 
The restaurant was an… let’s say odd choice. 
It was a replica of the one that they’d gone to on their first date. Dom Pérignon was already waiting for them on the table with a ‘enjoy your third anniversary’ card right next to it. Two months too late, thought YN but didn't let her thoughts outside. 
“Are you up for some Italian food?” Harry questioned in a small voice, after they had settled down.
“Yeah, I’ve been craving some lately.” She smiled for a moment. 
And she said that same sentence to him a few times already. Three months ago, when they were going to order some take out. But it didn’t work out - Harry got a phone call and spent the rest of the night in his study. A month ago, when they were supposed to meet up with Florence - but Harry cancelled at the last minute, having said something came up in the studio. Girls decided to just drink a big amount of cheap wine. Two and a half weeks ago, right before leaving for their scheduled date that they’d never gone to. Harry needed to ‘check something at Jeff’s’ and left, going the opposite way to the one leading to his manager’s house. 
Everything started making sense in her mind. 
“Gnocchi sorrento for a lady and -” the waiter placed YN’s dish in front of her, giving her a grin, “ - and the minestrone for you, kind sir.” 
The pair, after their first date, decided to only drink this expensive champagne on exceptional occasions. 
They both thanked Theo - the waiter - politely and started eating. In silence.
Dom Pérignon didn’t go well with their food, neither did it go well with their moods. 
First date - when they both discovered it (Harry that day had asked the waiter when YN had gone to the bathroom “if I was an absolute champagne gourmet and wanted to drink something that goes well with shellfish, what would I choose?” “If the price isn’t a problem, then Dom Pérignon is one of our finest bottles, sir.”). 
YN’s graduation - they laid together on her small couch, champagne with a cheese platter on the coffee table. 
“I can’t believe I’m out of school,” YN sighed, taking a bite of a gorgonzola and then sipping champagne. “Also, can’t believe you bought it.” She lifted the flute. 
“You’re smart, of course you were going to graduate. With honours as well.” He kissed the side of her head. “And we agreed to drink it on really important occasions.”
“This is important to you?” 
She wasn’t making fun of him. She was surprised that something so small as a university graduation would be important to someone like Harry. A person that maybe didn’t have a higher education but was indeed clever and doing quite good for himself - a global idol for a lot of people of all ages. 
She wasn’t used to being important to people, at least for the first few years of her life when she was still living with her biological parents. After being adopted by the people she loved to call ‘mama and papa’ she started to learn the importance of appreciation. 
“Of course it is, love. Hey, look at me, please?” He delicately placed a hand on her cheek, turning her head towards him. “You’re important to me and whatever you do, whatever you achieve, whatever you seek and dream about - I’m here for you. I’m proud of you. Okay?”
Her lips turned upside down and her eyes glistened. She nodded her head rapidly, “okay, okay,” her voice small, trying to comprehend it all. 
“I love you, YNN.” 
“I love you, Harry.”
Then their first anniversary that they spent with Anne and Gemma - bottles of Dom Pérignon were laying on the outside table on Anne’s patio. It was a last minute call to go to Holmes Chapel. Anne wanted Harry to spend more time home, not knowing what that day meant to her son and his girlfriend. He tried to refuse his mother’s invitation but YN encouraged him to go. She loved Anne and Gemma. 
Their second anniversary was spent in Italy, right after Harry’s last tour date and YN’s Little Women shooting ended. Flutes of Dom Pérignon accompanied them in bed after an eventful night and day and another night and another day. They were finally together after months of separation. 
The Fine Line release party connected with Taylor’s 30th birthday was one crazy night full of people and alcohol. And only one bottle of Dom Pérignon that YN and Harry shared during a whole party, celebrating Harry's success.
YN’s Oscar win was the last time they spent an occasion with Dom Pérignon. 1959 bottle of their favourite champagne was enjoyed during the last night when she felt they were truly happy within their relationship.
And now she sipped it slowly, forgetting how much she once loved it. 
“How did you like the food?”
“It was amazing. Thank you, Theo,” YN said to a waiter, smiling kindly. 
“Pleasure is mine. Can I recommend some desserts for you both?” 
“Ye -”
“Thank you, Trevor. I’d like a tab,” Harry interrupted YN, pushing the plate towards the middle of the table. The dinner got cold with the chatter getting old. 
“Of course, sir.” Theo faked a smile and moved to the bar with one finished and one barely touched plates. 
“His name was Theo.” 
“Sorry?”
“His name was Theo, Harry. Not Trevor.” YN said rather firmly, in a low voice not to draw any more attention towards their table that it already had. 
“Mhmm, yeah, sorry.”
“I’m not the one you should be sorry to. He was so polite and you couldn’t even remember his name. It was rude.”
“Okay!” he snapped, doing exactly the opposite of what YN wanted to do - men and women around them stopped talking and looked directly at YN and him. “‘M sorry,” he directed it more towards other people, rather than YN.
Before YN had a chance to say something or scold him, Theo came back with a receipt, “here you go, sir. Do you want to pay by cash or card?” 
“Card.”
“And please split the bill evenly for two. Thank you, Theo,” YN said, not even looking at Harry, hoping he knew not to try and argue with her. 
“Of course. Here you go.”
All hope for a change, volatilising. 
They paid the bill (50/50), and YN thanked Theo once more for his amazing client service, tipping him a substantial amount. Harry, still upset, just said ‘Good Night, mate’.
Without waiting for him to catch up with her, YN moved towards his car, ready to go home. 
“I want to take you to one more place before going home, okay?” Harry expressed after walking up to her, a hopeful smile on his beautiful face. 
“I’m not really in a mood to go anywhere else, Harry. I want to go to sleep.” 
Even though she had nothing to be tired from, she had no energy left in her body. The lack of conversation she craved, and affection she needed made her feel so empty. 
“Please? One more place?”
She breathed out loudly, “okay” she agreed, not being able to refuse his compelling voice. 
“Okay. It’s not so far away so we can walk there. Yeah?” He asked, giving her a hand to hold. 
She didn't remember when was the last time they held hands, intertwined fingers, bringing warmth. It had been so long since that loving touch, YN was ready to tear up right then. 
With their hands still being tightly connected, Harry guided YN up the street towards a more secluded area. There were more trees and bushes that immediately provided better air. The pavements were clearer and roads empty. They were alone. Unfortunately. 
“It’s right here,” Harry said, pointing at the big building, reminiscent of an old venue. “Can you please close your eyes?”
“Are you going to kill me or have me kidnapped?”
“No. No. Absolutely not. It’s - it’s just a surprise and I want you to see it from the best place. Can you trust me?”
No. “Yes, of course,” she answered, silencing her thoughts. 
After leading her through two pairs of stairs - one going up and then down -, a few corridors and finally going through uneven ground outside, they stopped walking.
Harry’s hands were sweaty, his breath was shaking. The petite box in his trousers pocket weighed much more than the last time he held it, when his mother passed it to him. Half-baked ideas were Harry’s thing and they most likely turned out more than fine. But this one, he felt, was going to collapse with a big thud. What made him turn to this concept first? Why didn’t he tell the truth as to what he was going to do, to his mother? She knew him the best - was on the same podium spot as YN and Gemma, and she would know how to help him. How to save them. 
“Okay, we’re here, babe. But don’t open your eyes yet.”
Harry dropped her hand, moving towards the speakers. The acoustic version of You’ll Be In my Heart started silently playing. It was YN’s favourite Disney song, from her favourite movie - Tarzan. 
And it didn’t bring her joy now. It caused even more anxiety. All things coming up like dominoes, ready to be shattered. 
“Can I ask you to dance with me, my lady?”
She opened her eyes, immediately wishing she hadn’t done that. The lights were hanging from the willow branches, lilies were scattered around them and near the speaker was a bouquet of her least favourite flowers - tulips. She now knew what was coming and she was terrified. 
"My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us can’t be broken
I will be here don’t you cry"
But YN cried, heavy tears coming down her cheeks. And Harry held her tight, swaying them slightly from right to left. 
“Shhh, I love this song, Harry. Shhh, stop talking, please!” she scolded her boyfriend, pointing at the TV. 
“Okay, okay, Jesus. I’m quiet.” He laughed, finally settling down next to her, throwing his arm behind her shoulders, cuddling her. “Is it your favourite?” he whispered. 
“Yes. I think it’s one of the most beautiful songs from Disney,” she responded in the same whisper, eyes still glued to the screen. 
YN had one of the biggest smiles Harry had ever seen on her face. Her eyes were beaming with happiness and warmth. He couldn’t have helped but smile as well - her bliss was his. Whenever she was happy, he was too. Whenever she cried, he did too. What was hers was his and vice versa. 
“Do you think it’s a good first dance song?” he asked. 
“Maybe.” She thought for a moment and added, “but something more piano-like would be better. This one’s good for proposals. Near a tree with hundreds of lights.”
“You think so?” His mind was already plotting a plan. 
“I know so.” 
When the song hit the last chorus YN dropped his hand while dancing, giving him an oblivious sign to drop on one knee. 
“Harry, please,” she pleaded, tears still going down her face. 
“Let me speak.”
“No, please. Get up, Harry. Stop it,” she was repeating it all over again, praying it all was going to be a nightmare. She was going to wake up next to him like the last five months hadn’t happened. 
He ignored her, “YN, you’ve been in my life for more than three years. You’ve changed it for the batter. Your presence, your appreciation and your involvement in everything you and I did was - was exceptional. The warmth you bring to every room and life you’re in helps people. Words you say and don’t say have power. You make me happy. As well as my family, mum and Gemma love you like a daughter and sister. Your work, which you put so much effort into, brings you so much joy it rebounds on me. You’re the one that I want. You’re the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with,” he paused for a moment, kneeling on two knees. 
He was silently begging her to say yes. 
“YN -”
“Do you still love me?”
Her voice was shaky because of all the crying. He didn’t look at her once today. From the moment he picked her up, through the dinner they had at the restaurant and till the moment she stopped his proposals, he didn’t spare her a glance. It was going to be a nightmare. Everything that she was afraid of from the moment she’d read those two messages, happened and she loathed it. 
He looked at her.
And stayed silent.
You had a speech, you’re speechless, YN thought. 
She learned that day how loud the silence could be. How definitive and thundering it could feel. Terminating.
“Do you?” she choked out.
There was no sound of the voice. Love slipped beyond his reaches. 
Now, it hurt even more than two weeks ago. Not hearing him saying I love you. Man that promised her a moon, made her happy through so many years. Man that she trusted not to ever hurt her, not to ever betray her. He did everything upside down. After so many months together, moments joined and hours longed for - it was done. 
“YN, please.”
“Let me go, Harry.” 
“Please.”
“No. There - there’s nothing to ask. Nothing to do. It’s over, Harry. You know it.”
“Give me a reason,” he cried. 
“I can’t give you a reason, sometimes you just don’t know the answer ‘til someone’s on their knees and asks you,” she whispered, her hand stopped mid-movement. She wanted to caress his head. She wanted to hug him, kiss him for the last time. “You couldn’t keep it in, could you?” She laughed through her silent cries. 
Harry looked at her hand, still longing in the air, near his head. He wanted her to touch him. He wanted to hug her, kiss her and never let go. He wanted her, now more than ever before. 
If my wishes came true, it would have been you, YN wondered, not being able to stop the waterfall of thoughts. 
“I - I’ll be out of the house in an hour or so. I’ll leave the keys near the flower pot,” she said after a moment of only their crying.
“No, please. YN, baby, please -”
After looking at Olivia's favourite flowers sitting in a bouquet next to the speaker for the last time, YN turned around and started walking away. Harry’s shouts and pleads became smaller and smaller, until she was out of the property where it stopped. 
She halted. 
It was over.
They were over. 
But maybe it was her champagne problems, her thoughts, her doings and her love that caused it all. Caused him to stop loving her, keeping her as a familiarity among the unknown. 
Now, it finally touched her. There was no more suspense, no more uncertainty or insecurity. She knew for sure. He didn’t love her anymore.
And she still did, more than anything. 
It was cold outside. The wind ruffled her hair and made her shiver. She started walking, wanting to be closer and closer to the place she just this morning had called home. 
Maybe it was all her fault. She left him out there standing, crestfallen on the landing. His heart was glass, she dropped it. She pressed him and challenged him, unknowingly causing him to fall out of love. Perhaps it was all her.
“You’ll find the real thing instead. She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shredded,” she said into the void. “She’ll hold your hand while dancing, never leave you standing. And after all, you won’t remember all my champagne problems.”
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byizoyas · 5 months
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DECEMBER 3RD. — heather by conan grey
sfw | gn!reader | unrequited love | angst
‘where is she…’
kaveh couldn’t keep his eyes off the front door of the library while you were both sitting, waiting for the other members of the group to join you.
you were not a huge fan of group works, especially when paired with your friends as you would always find it hard to focus on remaining serious; half of the time ending up chatting instead of doing the work.
and kaveh being in your group this time was definitely not helping.
you were honest with yourself on the feelings you had for him, and despite trying hard to not make it obvious, you sometimes caught yourself staring a bit too hard at his perfect face.
‘seriously, are they all going to be late ?’ he turned to you, asking his question and you only shrugged your shoulders as a response.
‘am i too insufferable to be alone with for you to be so impatient to see the others ?’ you asked, feigning to be hurt.
he let out a cute little laugh, pushing you away softly before holding you into his arms for few seconds. ‘idiot i’m not saying that in that way, i love spending time with you.’
you knew it was friendly coming from him but a part of you couldn’t help but hope for something more.
your mutual friend entered the room as the two of you looked back at the door. ‘finally ! where have you been ?’ kaveh grumbled, arms crossed against his chest when she sat next to him.
‘i bought a few things to eat as we’re working!’ she then turned to you, handing you a little bag with some biscuits you were particularly fond of. ‘are they still your favorite ?’ she asked, a beautiful smile on her glossy lips and you smiled back at her, nodding yes to her question.
‘thank you!’ you said, before your eyes remained fixed on the sweater she was wearing.
you examined it. it was a light beige color, made of the finest cashmere. kaveh had one like that and he never ever shared it to anyone, as he genuinely cared for that clothing.
‘is it.. kaveh’s sweater ?’ you asked, pointing at the clothing.
your friend turned back at kaveh, the two of them sharing a knowing gaze before laughing together, kinda excluding you.
if only you were stupid, perhaps you wouldn’t have asked a question whose answer was about to break your heart.
‘can we tell you something ?’ kaveh asked, whispering as he got closer to you. why was he making such a big deal of this ? what kind of secret was about to be revealed to you ?
‘kaveh and i are together, but no one knows yet ! only you !’ your friend exclaimed proudly.
if you were in a movie, now would probably be the start of a sad piano song. unfortunately you couldn’t even comfort yourself with a piece of music.
you were stuck there. stuck with them who were exposing their genuine happiness to your face. but how could you reproach them when you didn’t even tell anyone about your personal feelings.
‘oh- uh- wow that’s so nice !’ you gulped.
you weren’t one to lie about your true feelings, and you weren’t so good at it either but now that it was threatening to destroy two important friendships you had, you had no other choice but to feign happiness for them.
‘don’t tell the others when they arrive okay ? we wanna keep it a secret for now.’ kaveh started saying ‘but since you are our dearest friend, we can include you in our secret!’
the worst part of that was that you couldn’t even be glad of their trust. you were absolutely incapable of feeling anything positive right now. all you wanted was for your other three friends to arrive quickly for you to stay quiet without being suspicious.
the large smile on his lips faded when he saw your face. it appeared pretty clear that you weren’t happy and he had no idea why. because you were childhood friends and you promised to always be there for each other, didn’t you ?
‘are you okay y/n ?’ kaveh asked, taking your hand in his, genuinely worried about your sudden calm and quiet behavior.
‘yeah i’m super happy for you, just a bit surprised ! but i’m also stressed out about the deadline, does it bother you if i work by myself since the others are not there yet ?’
this, was the very best lie you’ve ever told. kaveh nodded ‘sure, we’ll stop talking to not bother you then!’
‘no need, i’ll go over there.’ you told him.
you got up from your chair, taking your stuff to go work elsewhere, anywhere but with them. she was your friend, yet you couldn’t help but feel resentment towards her.
jealousy surely took a hold of yourself too.
‘they forgot the biscuits !’ your friend told kaveh when you were already too far to hear her.
‘it’s okay, i guess they’re not so hungry today.’
kaveh glanced several times in your direction. he wasn’t sure to understand what was happening to you, but he respected your decision to be alone; despite his desire to spend time with you.
little did he know you not only needed an afternoon away from him to feel better. he was the first man you’ve ever loved, but you were just a really good friend to him.
surely he was gonna be okay, but you wouldn’t.
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thelavenderflamingo · 7 months
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Night Shift
Fictional Interpretation/Short story of the Song Night Shift by Lucy Dacus.
Summary: Y/N goes through a horrific breakup with her now ex-girlfriend, Julien Baker. Instead of seeing Julien everyday at Y/N's 9 to 5, she decides to get a new job.
 I felt it in my bones that this was wrong. The spit of the man I was kissing was almost drowning me. Actually, it was. I pushed my tinder date harshly off my body and coughed into the floor. My date laid on one end of the couch where I had pushed, while I keeled over, coughing on the other side. “What the fuck? Are you okay?” His gruff voice only made me cough harder. “Julien I’m sorry” I regretted the name the moment it came out of my mouth, my head slowly whipping around in hopes the man would be replaced by a more comforting figure. He wasn’t. “Okay, you’re fucking crazy. I’ve got to go.” I quickly got up. “Hey I’m sorry. Julien- I mean Jacob please come back!” The door shut in my face. 
“I’m doing fine.” My hands rubbed against the soft fabric of my pants. “I’m just trying to derail my one track mind, you know how I get.” I looked up, trying to gather whether my therapist believed me. “You  know I’m regaining my self worth back in just record time.”  She let out a quick chuckle. “You’re not doing fine, Y/N. You choked when you kissed someone other than Ju-” “My ex.” “Do you see my point? You can’t even hear her name.” I was silent. “Have you spoken to Phoebe or Lucy?” I shook my head. “I almost reached out a couple of times, but it felt wrong. They belong to her. Not me.” My therapist nodded. “Have you been keeping up with what she's been up to?” I slowly nodded in sadness. “She comes back into town this weekend.” “Oh that's interesting! Will you see her?” “Oh no! Absolutely not!” She set her notebook down. “Well why not? You could gain a lot of closure by going to have coffee or something with her.” “She’s already moved on.” “Well this isn’t a get back together Y/N, It’s closure. Don’t entertain the thought.” “But I just can’t help but think of the other girl in the bed that was once mine every time I see her.” “Just try it.” 
I wondered if I was a masochist. That was my only thought as I stared at the brown eyes before me. The woman I once looked at as the sun now resembled a burnt out street lamp. She wore a backwards hat and slouched, like she always fucking did. Always trying to seem small in public so people wouldn’t realize she was Julien fucking Baker. In my head, I imagined myself punching her in her teeth. Her big ‘Dave Grohl’ smile, as Lucy once put it. I was so fucking angry. How dare she move on. She moved on in the four months of silence while I had been grieving the three years of love. “You’re a fucking bitch Julien!” My arms shoved her back so hard she slipped out of the metal chair. Her mop of beige hair flew into her face. “I fucking loved you! I never meant what I said in the breakup! I always assumed you’d come back! But you fucking moved on!” I kicked the table so violently the glass cups fell and shattered on the ground. Laying next to my broken heart. The glass crunched under my boots as I walked away. 
“Y/N. You okay?” My eyes blinked back into reality. “Hm?” “You went somewhere for a second.” “Oh yeah, I’m sorry about that.” “You know you never needed to apologize.” There was silence between us. The tension cut both of us off from talking. “I regret my part in the downfall of us, but you truly left me no choice, Y/N.” I felt sick. “I mean what was I supposed to do? Beg you to come back when I knew neither of us was happy? I certainly wasn’t happy.” Why did I come here? To sit and watch her stare at her fucking feet and absolve her guilt and just shake hands as if she didn't destroy me? I felt no need to forgive whatsoever. But as I looked into her eyes I figured I might as well. It would take time but I couldn’t live my life being angry at the woman I once adored. As I gazed at her I felt the urge to connect our lips. She looked at me with the same intensity she always had, eyes analyzing every part of my being. I need her lips on mine.  I just wanted to feel her one last time. No. I had to stop. I cleared my throat, shattering the moment. A crumpled up bill was in my pocket, I grabbed it and threw it on the table, paying for my part of coffee. “I gotta go Jay.” “Wait.” She grabbed my arm. “Say it again.” I turned around, confusion consuming my eyes. “Say what again?” “My name. It’s just been so long-” “I can't, I truly have to go, Julien.” My arm was ripped from hers as I quickly made my way towards the street. 
The sun was making its way down behind the tall buildings, the neon lights of Memphis slowly replacing it. I walked for hours on end. The last time I had checked my phone it was when I was waiting for Julien at 5 o’clock, checking my phone through blurry eyes, I saw that it was now 12 am. I sighed and turned the corner with all intentions of returning to my new, empty apartment, but when I rounded the brick wall I saw a small bar, nestled in between a Law office and a Record store. The bar looked cozy enough so I popped in through the red door. 
“Hey love, it’s four am, you have to leave.” The blond behind the bar spoke to me sweetly while trying to pull the vodka soda out of my hands. “Wait-no please. I need it.” “Here’s some water. Please sober up. You gotta leave here in the next 45 minutes.” I nodded sadly as I took the water out of her hands. I finished the water and my hands grew idle. My phone had sat neglected next to me, so I picked it up, tapping through stories. My eyes landed on what only could have been described as my worst nightmare. It was one of JUlien and I’s mutual friends' private stories. My eyes were glued to the image behind the two men posing. It was Julien, with the girl she had been seen with mere hours after I ended things. I grew angry and dialed the all too familiar number. The ringing stopped. “Hello?” The groggy voice that came through the line cut my heart.” “You know what Julien-” I was completely slurring my words. “Don’t hold your breath. I hope you forget you EVER saw me at my best. You know, you don't deserve what you don’t respect. You don’t deserve what you say you love and then you neglect.” “Avery I-” “Now bite your tongue! It’s way too dangerous to fall so young.” I took a well needed breath. “Take back what you said. You can’t lose what you never had.” I hung up just as the girl’s hand took my phone. “There will be no calling of exes.” “Whatever.” I sighed, slouching down. “Come on girl. Let's get you home.” 
I got over it the best I could over the next few weeks. I eventually ended up getting a job at the bar I had solemnly stumbled into. I was serving one of my regulars when he looked at me in my eyes. It wasn’t just a glance, but a look. It was almost like he could see my entire life in this look. “What are you doing here?” I laughed. “What do you mean?” “I mean this job obviously isnt you.” “Well that’s a bold statement.” “Im serious.” He grabbed my arm. “Tell me why you’re sad.” Looking at the him, I decided to give into it. “My ex, well we met at the recording company I was working at. I fell for her instantly, but after we broke up i couldn’t stand to be there anymore. She was there 9 to 5, so I just assumed it would be best if i took the night shift, somewhere else.” “You left your job because your ex recorded there?” “If i can help it, I’ll never see her again.” A slow love song that used to be ours started playing from the speaker. He waited for my commentary, “In five years I hope that all of these songs feel like covers, almost very distant, and I’ll dedicate them to new lovers.” 
The questions from my regular never stopped coming until we finally had to kick everyone out at closing. The floors were sticky with spilled alcohol, and my coworker had left me to close the bar by myself. I was mopping the floor when I heard it. The soft sound of Julien’s voice over the speaker consumed the entire building. I let the song devour me, dropping the mop and throwing my arms around myself as I swayed with the music. I was so consumedwith the sound around me I didn’t hear the soft sound of the door opening, but I did hear the steps of boots I had known so well. Instantly I whipped around and made eye contact with the person who broke me and engulfed me all at once. I took a breath. “Julien.”
Thank you for reading! This is my first work so pls be nice!!! Suggestions and critiques are welcome!!!
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sarcasticassian · 1 year
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the first time Steve sees them he hasn’t realised yet that his window opens all the way and he can crawl out onto the roof so he hears them first, Love Shack is playing loudly and when he peers out of the window he can see a horrible, beat up old Cadillac, Steve always thought they were sort of ugly but it suits the weird trio sitting in it and this weird beach town too, the roof is down and there’s a girl sat in the back, she has short hair that brushes her shoulders, her clothes like kind of grungy in a cool way and her head is currently thrown back in a loud laugh, there’s a blonde girl sat in the passenger seat, twisted around to talk to the other girl, she’s in a summer dress and it sounds like the song might’ve been her choice, it suits her, finally there’s a guy driving, he has long curly hair, he’s wearing a cropped band shirt from what Steve can see and he’s also laughing, Steve feels a stab of jealousy that they get to enjoy their day and a summer at the beach, he goes back to laying on his bed and feeling sorry for himself
the next time Steve sees them he’s figured out the window latch and he’s sat on the roof wallowing, he’s realised that his dad was being serious about his summer exile before he goes to work for him or go to college, Steve isn’t sure if he’s been accepted into any because their mail hasn’t been rerouted here, if he knew this is where he’d have ended up Steve wouldn’t have let Tommy kiss him but there’s the beat up car again, the roof still down and this time Should I Stay or Should I Go is blasting, the three from before are there again but this time there’s another girl squished into the back with them, she has dark curly hair and Steve wonders if her and the first boy are related, this time there’s another boy in the passenger seat, he has straight brown hair and a beige, plain t shirt on, Steve watches them all hop out the car and head down to the beach
the third time he sees them there’s no girls and another guy who has incredible hair, it’s long and even from the roof Steve can see that it’s soft, the new boy is wearing a bright hawaiian shirt and this time Pass the Dutchie is playing quieter than the music usually is and as they hop out the guy with the short, straight hair staggers slightly and they all start to laugh as they slowly start the walk to the beach
Call Me hails the arrival of the sad, little car next time, it’s just the curly haired pair this time, Steve thinks they’re both the most attractive of the bunch but he doesn’t have anybody to tell, the pair don’t get out of the car straight away and Steve watches the guy gesticulate wildly, the girl nods along, rolls her eyes in some parts and they talk for a little longer, then they get out the car, the guy always just hops over his door instead of opening it, Steve thinks its insanely attractive for some reason and maybe the guy takes the top spot for the best looking in this weird group of people
the next time it’s the same guy and girl again (Steve briefly wonders if they’re a couple) but this time Running Up That Hill is playing and there’s a small army of children squashed into the back seat together, all talking loudly and immediately legging it to the beach once the car stops, the guy yells and takes off after them, the girl following more slowly after she picks up a book from the car, later that day the guy with the short hair turns up in his own car and when they all come back he has his arm wrapped around the girl whilst the curly haired guy carries a redhead on his back before he dumps her into the back of his car
this carries on for a couple more weeks, usually just the ugly Cadillac and who Steve assumes is the owner, the curly haired guy, along with a rotation of seemingly random teenagers, Steve can’t figure out what they have in common, none of them have similar styles, except maybe the curly haired brunette and the small, strawberry blonde girl, the music clashes horribly from person to person and Steve is pretty sure it’s never the curly haired guys choice because he seems to grumble at the particularly poppy choices, Steve is curious but he knows he can’t leave so he watches them from a distance, he longing deep within him, he wants to laugh like that, have friends like they all seem to be, he resigns himself to a summer of people watching and hating his parents but as the summer stretches on he realises that this is just going to be his life at this point, always on the outskirts and always dissatisfied 
the next day the car pulls up, Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy is cut off halfway through a chorus and he looks down to see the grungy short haired girl and the cute curly haired guy looking up at him, he lets out a squeak of embarrassment at being caught and looks away but then they’re shouting
“Hey!” “Hey you on the roof!” The girl is waving her arms frantically and the guy is grinning up at him, Steve looks around as if there is anybody else on the roof with him then waves back shyly, the girl hoots and scrambles to get out the car, the boy following her
“Come down! We see you up there all the time, come down and hang out!”
“I can’t!”
“Why not?”
“Not allowed!”
The guy takes a step back to assess the side of the house, he leans over to point something out to the girl then he’s taking a running leap at the building, he manages to haul himself up until his head is popping up over the edge of the roof and Steve quickly helps him up by grabbing his hand, it’s calloused and warm and Steve doesn’t want to let go but he does
“Come on Rob, it’s not that hard!”
“You know I can’t control my limbs!”
But she eventually clambers up and rolls onto the roof, panting and groaning but perking up once she’s face to face with Steve
“I’m Robin, this is Eddie.”
“I’m Steve.”
and suddenly Steve’s summer doesn’t look so bleak
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felicitysmoaksx · 7 months
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Hi everyone! This is by no means my favorite chapter, but it has some of my favorite moments in the story and I'm curious to see which ones yours are and the ones you think mine are. But this chapter is very grief heavy so take care of yourselves and I hope you enjoy it. Also fun fact: we start this chapter where I initially started the story but then changed it. Song recs for this chapter: See You Again (Acoustic) by Tyler Ward, Hold On by Chord Overstreet, Forever Winter by Taylor Swift, and The Good Ones by Gabby Barrett
Rating: Mature
Summary: Her eyes squeezed shut before she dropped her head. Borrowed time. It was meant to be her…It was meant to be-
Word Count: 3.5k
Warnings: implied/references a canonical character death and in depth survivors’ guilt  
Read On AO3 | Fic Playlist | Fic Playlist but Less Shippy  | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  Want to be tagged when I post a Rheese story?
The creamy beige walls with green accents, with picture frames lining those walls and warm wooden floors, were not what Connor was expecting when he stepped foot in Hank Voight’s two-story townhouse, after the funeral. Truthfully he didn’t know what he was expecting but the cozy-looking house, wasn’t it.
They were the first ones there after the service and Sarah had used her key to let them in.
“Camille, Hank’s wife, decorated the house, and he didn’t have the heart to change it after she lost her battle with cancer,” Sarah informed him when she caught him looking around. Like it had been since she was discharged from the hospital and in the days leading up to Justin Voight’s funeral. Sarah’s voice was quiet and tinged with sadness.  
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Connor let his eyes wander around the room once more and now his lover had said something, he could the feminine touches around the parts of the house that he could see from the entryway.
“It’s nice,” he said quietly, keeping his voice just as quiet as hers, as his hand, that wasn’t already holding hers, picked up a picture frame. A much younger version of the brunette beside him stared back up at him. Sarah couldn’t have been more than sixteen in the picture. She stood smiling, along with Hank, Justin Voight, Erin Lindsay, and a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair and brown eyes, he didn’t recognize stared back at him. Their smiles were bright.
“Camille?” He asked, nodding a little at the picture though he was fairly certain. Sarah nodded, nuzzling his shoulder a little as she leaned against it. She probably didn’t realize what she was doing, but Connor wrapped an arm around her waist. It wasn’t often that Sarah clung to him, but she was right now and Connor was willing to give his affection to her in spades.
“That was taken the day of mine and Justin’s high school graduation. Camille’s chemo had started to affect her with nausea and hair loss about a month before. She had even started to lose weight, but you wouldn’t have known it with the way she acted. It was like she was superwoman.” She explained and it was clear from her tone of voice, she held a fondness for the woman. 
“You miss her.” It wasn’t a question. But his lover still nodded as she explained, “I owe a lot to her and Hank. But I think the most I owe to Camille is making sure I at least finished high school. She’s probably the reason I’m standing here next to you right now.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Camille taught middle school. So education was pretty important to her and to put it lightly my grades were less than stellar. But it wasn’t because I didn’t get it. I just didn’t care.” It was hard to imagine the brunette beside him as a delinquent as she was alluding to. He always thought of Sarah as a brainiac and a perfectionist.
She huffed a ghost of a laugh, “I still remember the speech she gave me. 'I know the system and the world have failed you. You got into a situation that you didn’t put yourself in and you’re angry. And I’m not denying that you have a right to be angry. But Sarah, you’re smart. So smart. Don’t think I don’t see you helping Justin with his homework sometimes. So I don’t understand why a girl who is as smart as you, thinks it’s okay to fail yourself by not even trying to finish high school.'”
“Did it work?” 
“To an extent. At least in middle school. I put in just enough effort to pass. It wasn’t till I entered high school that my teachers noticed I wasn’t trying because I was bored. I wasn’t being challenged enough, so a month into the school year I took a lot of tests. Turns out I was testing out of subjects to see where I could be placed at.” 
Another barely there chuckle, “I tested out of the ninth and tenth grade. I was fourteen and a junior in high school.”
Connor couldn’t hide his wince. He remembered being fourteen and really couldn’t imagine being in junior year at that age. Fourteen and freshman year was bad enough. A watery chuckle fell from her lips, “Yeah, I had it easier than most though. Hank and Camille pulled me out of the private school they had Erin and me in when we came to live with them and put me in the public high school Justin was at. He and Tucker looked out for me. I had one of them most of the time. And if I didn’t have them, there was usually a guy Justin was friendly with.”
Silence fell as he placed the picture back on the table. Then Sarah spoke quietly, “She wasn’t my mother and I know that. But when I picture my mother, she’s who comes to mind. With my father, it’s different. Hank has been my dad for sixteen years now. But I still remember how my father looked. How he smelled and what he sounded like. At least a little. But my mom, my actual mother, I only have a blurry outline of her. I can’t even remember her face. Let alone what she smelled like or sounded like and Bunny, well was Bunny. We’ll just leave it at that. But Camille always smelled like flowers and lemon pledge because of her dust allergy. And in the mornings, when getting three kids up and moving for school, she sounded like a drill sergeant. But when you were sad or upset, she was the most soothing voice. The hypnotic kind you could fall asleep to.”
The brunette shook her head, “That must sound so weird.”
A wistful vulnerability had entered her voice now. So Connor pressed his lips to her forehead gently as he played with a loose curl to get her attention. Brown eyes peered back up at him from where her head rested against his shoulder. 
“It doesn’t sound weird, baby. Hank and Camille raised you. Helped make you the person you are today. It makes sense that they’re who you picture as your parents.”
“Thank you,” he felt Sarah sag just a little into him and Connor took her weight easily, and wrapped an arm around her waist. “And thank you for being here today too. It means a lot to me.”
“You don’t need to thank me. You know I’m here for you.” He told her softly. Then it was over as his lover pulled away from him, rubbing tears away from her face while she made her way to the kitchen. Connor bit back a sigh. He wanted her to lean on him. He wanted to be there for her, but for all his wanting, when she did lean on him; Sarah pulled away just as quick.
Like the brunette was afraid of something. But Connor couldn’t figure out what that was yet. Though he had a nagging feeling that it had something to do with her comment about being an “extended booty call.”
The conversation about their relationship hadn’t happened yet. Though he promised his sister, he couldn’t talk to Sarah about their relationship right now. It wasn’t the right time. There was just too much going on right now and she was too vulnerable. But it was just a formality to Connor anyway. It could wait; it had for six months. Conversation or not, he was hers. Now he was just trying to ease her into it.
[LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]
A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and Sarah came out of the kitchen, raising her eyebrows back at Connor who looked confused as well. It was too early for anyone from the service to show up yet. According to Erin’s text, there was a bad wreck on Roosevelt holding everyone up. (Sarah and Connor had come the back way to the house so they had missed it.)
“Do you want me to get it?” Connor offered and the brunette shook her head. He had been great before the service, talking with everyone when she didn’t have the energy to socialize. And her lover had even let her hide in his embrace when the service was too much for her. But she couldn’t keep using him as a crutch. She knew she couldn’t; it wasn’t right. She made her way to the door.
“Maggie,” Sarah said slowly before her eyes widened as she took in everyone else who stood behind the charge nurse. Will, Natalie, April, Ethan, Ava, and Monique stood there. 
“Are we late? Sorry, Reese, we wanted to come to the service too but we couldn’t find enough people to cover a whole shift.” Maggie explained, wrapping her in a one-armed hug. In her other hand were two casserole dishes. One was regular-sized, made for serving people and the other was smaller. Made to serve one or two people. Sarah returned it, feeling a little stunned at the sight of everyone there, looking at her with varying degrees of sympathetic smiles. Ms. Goodwin and Dr. Charles and his ex-wife had showed up to the service, but Sarah figured it was a respect thing more than anything. She wasn’t expecting anyone else from the hospital with the exception of Connor to show up. (Despite her many claims that he didn’t have to come with her.)
“And the service felt more like a family thing and we didn’t want to intrude.” Natalie chimed in, taking Maggie’s place when the charge nurse released her. “How’re you holding up Sarah?” 
“Plus we got lost. Whenever Jay talked, he made it sound like Voight lived in Pilsen. Not North Lawndale.” Will was next to hug her, squeezing her in a big bear hug.
“The GPS always gets it wrong anyway,” Sarah answered feeling a little like she was in a daze at the sight of her coworkers and friends. Choi wrapped his arms around her next and Sarah hugged him a little tighter than the others simply because he and Justin used the same cologne. The clean spearmint smell brought tears to her eyes and she had to blink back.  
She couldn’t cry. Not here. Not with everyone staring at her with everyone looking at her with varying degrees of pity. 
“But Sarah, something awful happened to you. It’s okay to cry.” Justin’s ghost told her sadly. Her tears pricked her eyes and threatened to fall again. She jerked herself out of Ethan’s arms as if she was burned. Thankfully no one noticed or they were too nice to mention it. April came next, whispering how she was sorry. Then Monique, who didn’t have anything to say, but squeezed her extra tight. Borrowed time. It was always meant to be her-
“If you want we can check the bandage? See how it’s healing?” Ava asked, when Sarah pulled away from her. She had been the last to hug her. Thankful for the interruption to her guilt-consuming thoughts, the brunette shrugged and grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen before she led her to the upstairs bathroom in case someone else showed up. 
[LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]
“We expected Sarah to not be herself but I didn’t think we expected her to be so…” Natalie trailed off sadly, looking around at their friends for help. 
“Lifeless?” Choi inputted softly and she nodded. Feeling a wave of protectiveness hit him, Connor opened his mouth to remind them that of course, Sarah was
going to be in a daze. Her brother had died. But Maggie and Will beat him to it. 
“Nat, you were more or less the same way after Jeff died.” The charge nurse reminded Natalie, coming back from the kitchen. Maggie hadn’t said this in an unkind tone.  Merely a gentle reminder, but the other brunette woman blushed and looked at her hands. 
Their red-headed friend nodded in agreement as he told them, “And to be honest, it makes sense for her to be like this. There are entire weeks that I don’t remember when my mom and dad both passed. Let alone their actual services. Sarah will probably be on autopilot for a while. The best thing we can probably do for her is to be there and not treat her differently.”
[LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]
“It looks okay. Rhodes is doing a good job.” Ava said, inspecting the bullet wound. Then meeting Sarah’s eye she smirked weakly. “You have no idea how much I hate admitting that.” 
For her efforts at normalcy, the curly-haired brunette gave her friend a weak smile. Ava placed a piece of gauze on the hole and secured it with some surgical tape as she spoke in a quiet voice, “Though I wish you stayed in the hospital a little bit longer.”
A tear rolled down Sarah’s cheek. Her voice was broken and her face screwed up with a sob. “And I told you that wasn’t an option.”
“I know. And even though I  don’t like it. I can understand why that wasn’t an option. I can’t imagine how hard today is for you.”
There were those tears again that threatened to fall. She tried to push them back but once the traderious tears fell. They didn’t stop and Sarah sobbed, “It feels like I’m in a daze. Like everything is just a bad dream but I can’t seem to wake up. No matter how hard I try to pinch myself.”  
She showed her friend the welt that was starting to form on her wrist from where she had been pinching all day.
“Oh Reese,” Ava sank to her knees in front of her brunette friend as the other woman crumbled. Sarah buried her face into her hands. “And when I can’t wake up, I just start crying…”
Another broken sob as Sarah felt her body start to shake. “I.  Hate. crying, Ava. It feels like the last few days, all I’ve done is cry. I should be all dried up by now. I shouldn’t have any tears left.”
“You faced something terrible. Something no one should have to go through and you lost someone important to you.” The blonde told her with a slight frown, bringing her into a tight hug. “You are allowed to cry, to grieve. To be hurt and angry that this happened. Don’t deny yourself that.”
Was it ironic that Justin’s ghost who seemed to follow her had said the same thing to her earlier? 
Sarah felt herself start to crumble in Ava’s arms. Sobs wracked her body and that familiar stiff ache of a migraine emerging. With a sigh, she pulled away and scrubbed roughly at her face. 
“Sarah,” the blonde said, but Sarah was already shaking her head as she pushed herself to her feet. “Other people are going to be here soon. I can’t-”
She couldn’t cry in front of them. She didn’t feel like she could because who was she? What right did she have to cry when in reality, as much as they acted like it, she wasn’t Justin’s sister. She wasn’t Hank’s daughter. She was the girl no one wanted. Her own parents had left her. Had left her with Bunny, who had no problem telling her she was just another mouth to feed. Another burden that no one wanted. (“But you are my sister, Sarah. Just like you’re Dad’s kid too. Just like Erin and Teddy.” The ghost seemed to whisper.)
“Sarah,” Ava said again, but Sarah shook her head again, already headed for the door. It was meant to be her. Not Justin.
“Thank you. For changing my bandage.” The curly-haired brunette said before she walked out of the door without another word.
[LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]
“I appreciate you all coming but you really didn’t have to.” Sarah said, making her way back down the steps. By the way, everyone seemed to stop talking, she knew they had been talking about her.
“You didn’t have to come to my Dad’s memorial but you did. And you stopped Jay from kicking Timmy Oaks ass.” Will said as he grinned at her, nudging her with his shoulder. 
“That’s because Erin was sick and at the rate Jay was going, she was worried he was going to kick someone's ass.” 
“And you didn’t have to help me put together furniture pieces for my apartment but you did,” Ava said, making her way down the steps. She stopped behind her and Sarah turned.
“I bribed Jay, Adam, and Kevin with pizza and beer to put together your furniture. Then I helped you read the directions.”
“And you didn’t have to take me to the 21st and wait with me when my place was broken into a few months ago. But you did.” Monique added. 
“I knew they would send you to the 13th. And I also knew Alder who runs the B&E unit. He graduated with Erin’s class at the academy. He’s misogynistic and thinks the only thing a female cop is good for is being a figurehead. He wouldn’t have taken you seriously. At least with Ruz and Kev, I knew you’d be in good hands.”
“And you didn’t have to come to my Uncle Paul’s funeral and listen to my Grandma’s ramble on about knitting. But you did. She also made a casserole by the way. She also made a smaller vegetarian one for you. I put them on the counter.” Maggie told her. 
“She didn’t have to do that.” This time Sarah didn’t have a way to contradict the charge nurse. So she just shook her head. Because everything everyone had just said, although true, was different. That was them. Not her.
"She wanted to Reese," Maggie told her.
“You’re just as important to us as we are to you, Sarah,” Choi told her. His usual intense demeanor seemed to be toned down a few notches. April nodded. 
“Friends show up for each other and you’ve shown up for us when we've needed it. Now let us do the same.”
[LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]
Thirty minutes to an hour later, more people started to show up and the brunette learned just how small the world actually was when Autumn looked at Natalie from where she was pressing herself into Sarah’s leg with a large grin and said, “Hi Owen’s mom!”
 Autumn and Owen had gone to the same daycare while the hospital’s in-house one was being renovated. Natalie told her, waving to the little girl. 
“And,” Natalie added, “I had been room mom a few times. Is Autumn yours? I’ve only seen Tucker pick her up. But wait, she would’ve had to be born around the time Owen was because they’re about the same age…”
Sarah shook her head as the little girl left her side to chase after Travis, who was trying to convince Annie to let him have another soda. “No, Tucker and I go way back, and don’t get me wrong he’s great. But we don’t go back like that.  He was Justin’s best friend and we went to school together. After his wife, Leah passed because of complications with the birth, everyone around Tucker stepped up to help out with Autumn.”
“I only asked because she seems pretty attached to you in particular,” Nat remarked gently. It was true. Since arriving with her father, and despite Sarah’s place by Connor’s, the small girl had attached herself to Sarah’s side (like she usually did) until a few minutes ago. 
“Well,” the curly-haired brunette shrugged at the other woman, “It takes a village right?” 
“It does,” Natalie agreed, and though she could tell there was more to the story, she let Sarah go back to her place by Connor’s side on the couch.
[LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]
“You’re not the guy I pictured for my little sister.” Erin took Sarah’s spot beside him on the couch, after Hank had pulled his lover into the kitchen to eat a plate of food he made for her. Connor took a swig of his beer, an eyebrow raised at the police detective. 
“I’m hoping there’s a ‘but’ coming here?”  
“I thought you were too overconfident. A little too full of himself because he was good at what he did and he knew it. It makes for a big ego in people and I thought you were too full of yourself to be what my sister needed in a partner.” She continued and when his frown deepened, Erin smiled softly in return, “But then I watched you look at my sister like she was the moon and the stars in your universe. I watched you sit by her side for hours upon hours while she was sedated. And when she was discharged and we were fighting about her staying by herself, you stepped in and offered up yourself and your apartment to try and make everyone happy. And you came with her today, to a funeral service of a person you didn't. Not many people would do that.”
Connor shrugged, looking away when Erin’s eyes bore into his. It was only then that the woman said, “A lot of guys would’ve cut and run by now.”
“It’s not in my nature.” It wasn’t. Maybe it was the trauma of losing his mom like he had. A subconscious pull that he wasn’t always aware of. If his father had reached his hand out to his mother more, and helped her deal with her bad days and her mental illnesses in general, she might still be here. Maybe that’s why Connor didn't, as Erin put it, ‘cut and run.’ Instead, he found himself doubling down when things got hard. “I don’t scare easily.”
He returned Erin’s look finally and she gave him another smile. “Clearly, you don’t and to be clear, this isn’t me saying I like or approve of you yet…”
“But?”
“But you love my sister. There is no denying that. Anyone who’s paying attention can see that and that is a good first step.” Connor shifted in his seat. He wasn’t denying her statement and you could definitely call him old fashioned in this regard but he hadn’t even uttered those words to Sarah yet. If he was going to tell anyone he loved the brunette beauty, it was going to be him telling her first.
So instead he said, “She’s not ready to hear that yet.” 
“She will be though.” Erin told him with a sad smile, “We’re all just a little fragile right now.”
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heller-castiel · 1 year
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My Fics:
Bobby Day: Sam and Dean don’t have a mom to celebrate on Mother’s Day - they just have a Bobby.
This’ll be the Day That I Die: “They had this song, before they got married, that they loved. Cheek to Cheek, you know? And they’d look so damn sad when it’d play on the record, even though he asked her to marry her to that fuckin’ song. Had to tell Sammy to stop playing that record cause they hated to be reminded of their marriage so much.” Dean swallowed. “Hell, the song feels more like a funeral march than anything else after a childhood of that. Promise me? Promise me we won’t be like that? Together and hating each other for it?”
Castiel took in a mouthful of smoke and lied. “I promise.”
Or: The American Pie (by Don McLean) fic
Holy Palmers' Bloody Kiss: It’s nice, getting to take care of his family, getting to heal his family. Dean’s always been looking out for everyone else, was raised for it, bred for it even, and he’s made his peace with that. Held his baby brother in his arms and he knew what he was made for, going to sleep in beige hotel rooms stained in dark browns and reds with a baby in one hand and a revolver in the other. 
He’s never gotten to offer healing, saving, before. It’s the first time since he was a kid that looking out for family didn’t mean guns and death and revenge. 
Worm Ridden Filth: Mary had told him, that was the danger of them coming up - they weren’t made for people. They didn’t know how to avoid being hurt, so people needed to be careful to not hurt them.
Dean didn’t wanna hurt anybody, least of all a worm.
Or: Dean learns about life and love and death over the years through the power of worms.
Safety in the Stealing and Keeping: The hair isn’t what's startling about her. It’s the oversized brown leather jacket she’s swathed in, the sleeves uncuffed that her hands just barely peek out from, that ends at the middle of her thighs. It looks like a piece of armor on her. It looks like a blanket on her. It looks startling like a mirror to Dean, who knows that jacket well.
Or: Claire's got some emotional turmoil in a stolen oversized leather jacket. Dean remembers the feeling.
Goodnight Moon: Cas shifts in his arms, turning to face Dean, and just as Cas wants to hold him, Dean is ready to be held in return. Their left arms reach across their chests where they are pressed together, and they do not clasp hands but rest the backs of them against each other, and Dean’s right arm falls to rest on Cas’s hip just as Cas’s right falls to Dean’s hip, and together they let their foreheads rest on each other’s.
Or, Cas has insomnia sometimes. Dean brings him back to bed.
You Can Start To Make It Better (Beautiful Beautiful Boy): Dean goes to bed with Cas the night Jack's finally ready to reform heaven and give up his Godly powers; but before he does, he pulls Dean into heaven to bring someone back, one last time.
Or: Dean Winchester works through his mommy issues with some heavenly therapy.
Don’t Make it Bad: He walked up to Cas, looming over the kitchen counter, and pressed himself up against those hunched shoulders, wrapping his arms around Cas’s waist, and pressed his nose to Cas’s neck, breathing in, feeling the smell of Cas’s soap and sweat and sleep expand in his lungs and fill him with love. Cause he loved Cas, and he could think it now, even if he still couldn’t saying it. “Stop leaving me,” he prayed to grace that had been left to rot alone in the Empty.
In his arms, Cas tensed. “Sam..?” he said, cautious.
That love in Dean’s chest staled. “What the fuck?”
If You Ran Away, Just Come Home: Dean wandered, after. The night that Chuck died, subsumed into Amara, he had silently climbed into his car in the dead of night, walking past Jack's room, past Sam's room.
In his room, Sam laid in his bed with Eileen, and felt the air displace itself around where Dean slipped past in the hallway, instincts attuning him to movement just as they made Dean move soundlessly, without a thought to it. but Dean didn’t think of that. Dean only thought of moving, getting out, going -
Going to something the bunker couldn’t be, anymore. Something he couldn’t ever go to.
But he had to go.
Five Names Dean Winchester Has Gone By: John walked through the crooked motel door with his tired face and strong, drooping shoulders, looking up like looking at his kids was the last thing he wanted to do, like it made his shoulders all the heavier. Dean was cradling little baby Sam, holding a bottle to his mouth and humming “Hey Jude,” like the only example he had, and his head had startled up at the door, scared of what was coming in with nothing to protect them, relieved to see his father, confused why John was crying.
Ken Doll: Dean was fourteen when he found it.
Your Hair Falling Into Place Like Dominoes: Dean lets his hair grow out when he’s not paying attention to it.
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🐱 for Mara?
Thanks so so much for this!! Also gonna tag the rest of the Glee gang:
@luucypevensie, @dancingsunflowers-ocs, @manyfandomocs, and
@ginevrastilinski-ocs!! <3
If they're a light or heavy sleeper: Somewhere in between the two; she’s not sleeping through a hurricane or anything, but she won’t wake up at any little sound, either.
What they would do if they won the lottery right now: Probably donate most of it to various charities, as well as invest a bit into a college fund and into her future jewelry-making business.
If they have a special item that they couldn't bear to lose: The first necklace she made all by herself, without any help from her parents. She sees it as a symbol of her skills and future ambitions, and she’d be very sad if the lost it.
One negative personality trait of theirs: She can be flighty at times, and it usually doesn’t turn out well for her when she is.
Their favorite 70s song: “Big Yellow Taxi” by Joni Mitchell.
The color(s) associated with their zodiac: Grey, beige, pale yellow (Virgo).
Their favorite comedy movie: Bridesmaids.
About one person they've lost: Mara has, thankfully, been lucky enough to not lose anyone important to her at this point in her life.
A quote I associate with them: “You have a superpower and it’s called empathy.”
If they're a lover or a fighter: Definitely a lover! My girl is a pacifist and does not believe in violence, which is very funny when you consider how willing her girlfriend usually is to slap people.
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send me 🐱 + an oc!!
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GAYS IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM - THE OFFICE
The Scranton branch has officially absorbed the Stamford branch, and as a show of good faith, Michael calls everyone into the conference room to explain why [Oscar] being gay is okay.
WC: 734 words
Song Inspo: I Can See You by T. Swift
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The staff were sitting in the conference room. A beige table was set up in the center with tan chairs inside it and around it by the three, beige walls. The fourth wall had a whiteboard, inches apart from the open door. The gray carpet was well-vacuumed and the white window shades were shut. Self-explanatory, the room made for an exciting meeting.
"Oscar is a good person." Michael spoke as he paced in front of the whiteboard. "You know, it should've matter if he's gaaayy or normal," Jim side-eyed the camera, "he's a human being, man. I...," Michael sighed and grabbed his hips, "I just don't understand how people could be so hateful."
"Michael," Kevin's deep voice rose from somewhere behind Karen. "We don't hate Oscar because he's gay... At least, not all of us." The large man mischievously glanced at Angela.
"Hmph." Angela crossed her arms, Bible in hand. "I don't support that lifestyle. It's impure, ungodly, unsanitary..."
"Unprotected- that's what he said!" Michael chuckled then caught himself. "No. No! I meant that as in unprotected because they are unprotected in this country. So anything you took from that is anti-gay. Case closed."
Dwight nodded along and took notes. Andy stroked his protruded chin and squinted with pretend intrigue. Stanley did his crossword puzzles in the far-left corner. Meredith's mouth hung agape and her eyes were red, clear signs of early intoxication. Pam looked uncomfortable between Karen and Jim but said nothing. Jim condescendingly smiled and did routine stares at the camera. Erin sat closest to Michael and the door, in clear view of Karen. While Michael went back-and-forth with Angela, Karen watched Erin doodle in her notepad. Fillipeli's cheek found her shoulder and her eyes found a tranquil lowness. Amongst all the speel and chaos, nothing seemed to matter then.
"-I refuse to give my American right to practice religion. Seriously. Whatever happened to freedom of speech? My first amendmant right-"
"Second." Dwight coughed.
Angela eyed him then returned to Michael. "If you can't afford me that right, I'll just have to pray for you." She smirked and patted her Bible.
Phyllis looked at her with terror and sadness, having the displeasure of sitting right next to the blonde woman.
"Can I ask," Karen turned around to her, "what type of Christian are you?"
"Excuse me?" Angela raised a brow.
"Catholic? Mormon? Jehovah witness? Baptist? Born-again?" Karen listed off the sects.
"I'm a devote Christian, old testament." She specified, enunciating the last part. She looked around the room with a finger up, as if expecting someone to oppose her.
"I grew up Catholic. Read the Bible every Christmas."
Angela smiled a bit, then cleared her throat, lifted her chin, looked at the floor, and raised a brow. "Favorite passage?"
"Easily Psalms 139:7." Karen scoffed. "Arguably the best passage, aside from Leviticus and Luke, of course."
Angela pouted a smile, almost holding back delight and disdain for not needing to correct Karen.
"Wow, Karen, I never pegged you for a Bible thumper." Kelly stated what the room was thinking.
"That's because sinful women like you wouldn't know a real holy woman from your left elbow, Kelly." Angela spat at her, making the Indian woman gasp.
"Ryan!" Kelly called for her boyfriend's aid, but he just shrugged.
"Invite Oscar back if you want. Invite the AID's epidemic right along with him. I don't care anymore." Angela shrugged. "As long as I have this," she held up her Bible, "and my undeniable faith, I'm safe."
"From gay people?" Jim replied. "You think the book wards off gay people?"
"I do." Angela said matter-of-factly.
"What'll happen if I say I'm gay and I touch it?" Kevin asked on top of his question. "I'm not." He addressed the room. "But it'd be funny if I was, right?" He laughed throatily.
"You'd burst into flames." Dwight answered.
"Not accurate." Andy counteracted.
"Oh, how do you know, Cornell?" Dwight looked him up and down.
"Can I see it?" Karen cut him off. "It's been so long since I've held one that wasn't mine."
"Sure, Karen. I trust my fellow God warriors." Angela sneered at Jim as she outreached her black little book to Karen. Granted, this was Angela, so she never let go, but Karen did stroke it's cover.
"Whoa. Leather. Very nice." Karen complimented her.
The scene cut to Karen's interview.
"I'm also a lesbian."
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eloquentgifs · 1 year
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It's actually quite sad because Loreen could have kept her status as loved and memorable 2012 winner with Euphoria, perfect song+staging-performance combination, but now she ruined her legacy by stealing someone else's victory with a generic epic-pop balad, so blatantly boring and unsurprising she was even wearing fucking beige.
This and the 5 points Spain got with a southern folk song, makes me believe Eurovision is 100% headed to basic commercial pop songs and, as I said, that's so sad.
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soursgrpe · 6 months
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₊  ˚  🦢      𓊈    JENNIE KIM ,   TWENTY EIGHT ,   CIS WOMAN ,   SHE/HER.    𓊉     ⇢      did  you  see  YOUNA  KOO  roaming  around  the  city recently ?   heard  their  top  song  on  spotify  lately  is  I GOT IT  by  THUY ,   probably  a  great  motivator  when  they're  working  as  a  LIFESTYLE  YOUTUBER  &  INFLUENCER.   they're  typically  spotted  carrying  around  A  DIAMOND  TENNIS  BRACELET  and  known  for  being  GENTEEL  and  PERMISSIVE.     
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            hello   besties   ,   i'm   monday   (   twenty6   ,   she/they   ,   est   )   !   for   my   pronouns   ,   please   feel   free   to   use   both   ,   but   not   one   exclusively   ,   thank   you   !   header   template   is   a   variation   of   the   sugar   baby   psd   set   ,   the   divider   is   from   the   #kittygirl   psd   set   ,   and   the   intro   template   used   is   the   coffee   template   ,   all   created   by   strifesource   .
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full   bio   coming   soon   i   swear   🥺🩷   .
HEADCANONS.
youna   moved   to   vienna   as   a   means   of   a   change   of   pace   .   she   found   new   york   to   be   too   crowded   and   los   angeles   to   be   too   cliche   considering   that   she's   a   content   creator   ,   but   she   can   luckily   live   wherever   she   wants   with   such   a   career   .
she   is   known   as   ynakoo   on    her   social   media   platforms   (   instagram   ,   tiktok   ,   youtube   )   .   she   focuses   on   lifestyle   content   primarily   ,   with   a   little   haircare   and   makeup   mixed   in   as   well   .   youna   doesn't   have   millions   of   followers   on   one   single   platform—   she   does   ,   however   ,   have   enough   to   maintain   her   lifestyle   .
youna's   possession   is   the   diamond   bracelet   she   bought   herself   when   she   made   enough   money   to   do   so   .   it's   not   something   that   costs   a   whole   lot   of   money   ,   but   it   was   her   first   big   purchase   and   she's   really   proud   of   it   (   it's   based   on   the   viral   pandora   tennis   bracelet   from   tiktok   )   .
she   loves   to   explore   vienna   ,   which   is   often   the   subject   of   her   vlogs   .   she   especially   loves   to   try   new   restaurants   ,   and   she   goes   to   bookstores   in   the   city   a   lot   of   the   time   .   youna   doesn't   read   a   lot   ,   but   when   she's   in   the   mood   to   she   likes   to   make   a   stop   at   the   local   stores   .
personality   wise   ,   youna   is   a   nice   girl   !   she   has   her   moments   where   she   can   be   stubborn   and   sometimes   a   little   bitchy   ,   but   she's   overall   pleasant   to   be   around   .   she   doesn't   switch   up   her   personality   to   appear   different   when   she's   not   getting   content   ,   so   she's   pretty   easy   to   become   friends   with   .
this   is   completely   unnecessary   info   ,   but   youna   lives   in   a   pretty   one   bedroom   apartment   that   has   been   renovated   a   little   bit   .   it's   not   the   most   colorful   home   ,   but   it's   also   not   sad   and   beige   .   she   prefers   color   ,   but   not   too   much   ,   but   she   especially   loves   the   large   windows   in   the   apartment   .   she   loves   to   host   at   her   apartment   ,   and   is   always   willing   to   use   her   place   when   someone's   throwing   a   party   .
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escapismqueen · 3 months
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For the TTPD game: 5/11/14/17 ✨
I love you SO much for this ! 🫶
5. So Long, London - What city would you love to visit that you haven't before? Definitely NYC ! I’ve loved the idea of it since I was a little girl ! Probably because of movies, but yeah, I NEED to visit NYC. Especially at Christmas time.
11. I Can Fix Him (No I Really Can) - What are your beige flags? Oooo this is a tough one because I’ve never been in a relationship, but probably something like someone who doesn’t like movies or tv. Usually this would be a red flag for me lmfao but my brother is actually one of these people and he’s a sweetheart, so because of that, I’m AWARE those people are not psychos, so I could live with it, but it’s still WEIRD 🤣 same with if they didn’t like music, like wtf ?! Actually no, these are red flags 🤣
14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - What songs would you put on your *fuck the patriarchy* playlist? I LOVE this one ! I’d probably go with a mixture of upbeat and sad because it’s needed I think. Top 5, no particulate order, I’d probably go
1. The man- Taylor Swift
2. Run the world (girls)- Beyoncé (for obvious reasons)
3. Not my fault- Reneé rapp ft Megan thee stallion- the lyrics ‘you came with her, but she might leave with me’ is such a bad bitch lyric and like… facts.
4. What was I made for ?- Billie eilish- that whole song makes me want to scream and cry but it’s one of the most beautiful songs and literally is a FUCK YOU to the patriarchy
5. History of man- Maisie peters (another gut punch)
17. The Manuscript - What is your favorite book? Now THIS is a difficult one. When i was younger, i. loved the divergent series, although I refused to read the last one because I knew what happened and I was not accepting it 🤣I fully read those books within a day, I was so obsessed ! And another book I love, which I know a lot of people think is ‘basic’ is the midnight library. I know the plot was pretty much guessable but as someone who deals with mental health problems, I found it so comforting to read. There were so many great quotes in it that I think people need to hear wether they think it or not ❤️ sometimes you just need that reminder ‘We don't have to do everything in order to be everything’
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