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legends-of-time · 2 months

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Thorn Bush (Doctor Who Story)

Chapter 18: The Witchfinders Part Two

Masterlist

"Keep running. This clearing, through here." The Doctor says to her companions, Kathy, Willa, Becka and King James plus his guards as they run through the forest.

"I don't think they're following." Yaz calls to them, causing everyone to stop.

"If they're not following, what are they doing?" The Doctor questions.

"They know we'll come back." Kathy says.

"Want us to go and look?" Ryan suggests.

"We escape from Satan, and you wish to go directly back into battle?" King James cries in disbelief.

"We need to know what they're up to. Make sure no one else is in danger." Ryan explains.

"I'll go too. Keep an eye on my... underlings." Graham adds.

"Very well."

"Me and Kathy will stay with Willa. Be careful!" The Doctor says. Ryan, Yaz and Graham run off. Hopefully, Kathy can stop the Doctor from being arrested for being a witch in the meantime though she's not sure how.

"What were those aberrations?" King James asks.

"It is the work of Satan." Becka replies.

"It wasn't Satan or witches or Willa's granny." The Doctor corrects. "Those creatures were being controlled by something in the mud, something not of this earth. Something beyond your understanding."

"Something from hell." King James concludes.

"More like from the heavens." Kathy retorts.

"It chose to kill Alfonso when he was a threat, but in other circumstances it fills the bodies and uses them as vessels. I don't know why. To lure us you say Kathy? Maybe only when they're dead." The Doctor rambles as she tries to think.

"No, it attacked me too." Willa pipes up.

"And why today? Cos this is my problem. I can buy that this is the biggest ever witch hunt in England, or I can buy it's an alien mud invasion. But both on the same day? Kathy, you said they're linked." The Doctor continues. Kathy winces. Maybe the Doctor is rambling too much.

"Why does the lassie speak of commerce?" King James wonders.

"I don't know." Becka whispers.

"Oh, wait. Unless they're connected." The Doctor turns on Becka. "Your witch hunts been going on a while now, so there's no way that mud has just rocked up today."

"Um, Doctor, maybe you shouldn't—" Kathy tries to stop her but she continues on with her accusations.

"What do you know, Becka? What's going on here in Bilehurst Cragg? A woman who keeps an axe by her bed. What have you seen?"

Becka goes in to attack. "I have seen you and Katherine with your wands, raising your kin from the dead."

"Yes." King James murmurs.

"What?!" Kathy exclaims. "No! Hold on—"

"You, Doctor, are no witchfinder's assistant and she's no underling." Becka continues. "You are Satan's acolytes."

"We are not." The Doctor argues.

"That's why it is happening today, because you are here, as you say, to take over this village. Katherine Davis has simply been here to prepare for your arrival."

"You know that's not what I meant." The Doctor says accusingly. Kathy knows Becka is only doing this as she's afraid they have worked out her secret. "We do not have time for this."

"Mistress Savage is correct. It is your fault that Alfonso is dead." King James accuses, pointing at Kathy with a small pointy pin.

"I tried to save him." Kathy argues.

"You saved them from being shot." He persists. "You said this evil fell from the heavens. Oh yes, it fell, like your lord, Lucifer!"

"Honestly, if I was still a bloke, I could get on with the job and not have to waste time defending myself." The Doctor complains to Kathy.

"Again. This how I feel." Kathy retorts.

"Oh, you bewitch us with your alluring form and your incessant jabber, but I knew you were unnatural from the very start. And now I see you for what you really are." King James declares.

"They were trying to save us, sire." Willa pipes up fearfully. While Kathy appreciates the effort, she knows Becka and the King will make her back down by twisting it.

"Thank you, Willa." The Doctor says enthusiastically.

"Are you sure you're not mistaken, Willa? Or are you in league with the witches as I first suspected?" Becka accuses.

"They said they wanted to help me."

"Who do you trust to save you? Your King? Your family?" Becka says pleadingly. "Whatever I have done, I did to save all of our souls." It's the softest Kathy has seen her.

The Doctor opens her mouth to speak but Kathy quickly interrupts. "Don't Doctor. You'll make it worse."

"Well? Tell the truth, lassie." King James orders the shaking Willa.

She looks between the two groups in front of her. "I-I did think it was strange when they said her name was the Doctor and how Katherine defends her." Willa admits. Kathy feels annoyed with herself, she should've remembered that! She could have avoided this if she had made sure no one called the Time Lady Doctor.

"Like Doctor Dee. A necromancer. That seals it." King James declares. "Arrest the witch!" Guards grab the Doctor. "Arrest her too. I have seen how these two lassies whisper to one another." More guards grab Kathy.

"Now hold on!" Kathy cries indignantly. Great, not only has the Doctor been arrested, but she has as well.

"I... I am not a witch!" The Doctor splutters.

——

The Doctor and Kathy have been tied to a birch tree in the village with their hands above their heads. They are on either side so they can't see each other.

"You know I came into this world while you were still the current Doctor in mine." Kathy recalls.

Kathy hears what sounds like the Doctor trying to move as if trying to see her. "And?" The Doctor eventually asks after huffing to herself.

"Well, one day I won't know what's going on or who you are maybe. What use will I be to you then? What use am I now? I couldn't stop us from getting arrested." Kathy rambles exasperatedly.

"Oh, Katherine Davis," the Doctor murmurs, "you, as you always have, will be a massive help and I don't need to see into the future to know that."

Kathy smiles at that. She keeps on wondering what use she is when she can't change things but perhaps she'll be alright considering this is an older Doctor.

They are interrupted when King James stalks over. "Comfortable, witches? I do hope not."

"Come for a visit?" The Doctor remarks irritably.

"I shall take my opportunity to converse with an agent of Satan." King James declares.

"If we were Satan's agents, do you seriously think rope would stop us?" Kathy retorts.

"It's just a bit of rope! I say a bit, quite a lot. Tightly bound. It's pretty painful. They know how to tie a knot in this part of the world." The Doctor rambles.

"Not helping." Kathy admonishes.

"I am an expert on witchcraft, Doctor, Katherine, but I wish to learn more." King James declares, ignoring the rambling. "Before you die, I want answers. Your wands. How do they work?" He has the sonics in his hands.

"Why do you want to know?" The Doctor asks instead.

"I wish to know all the secrets of existence." King James answers.

"Don't we all? But true knowledge has to be earned. Tell you what. I'll trade you my wand for answers to as many questions as you want to ask." The Doctor offers.

"I'm not a fool, Doctor. I am King James, Satan's greatest foe." King James persists. Kathy rolls her eyes, annoyed.

The Doctor is also annoyed as she says, "Yeah, yeah, I know. It must be comforting playing that role, hiding behind a title."

"Just as you hide behind Doctor, perhaps. And Katherine hides behind her name." King James counters. Kathy winces, feeling uncomfortable with his words.

"Who are you, really, behind the mask, the drama? What does it say on your garter?" The Doctor questions him.

"Honi soit qui mal y pense."

"Evil be to him that evil thinks." Kathy translates. She's quite proud of how her language skills have developed with the advantage of more time and more roaming about.

"You wear it like a hero, even though you're killing and scapegoating and stirring up hate." The Doctor accuses. "And you wonder why the darkness comes back at you."

"There is no darkness in me." King James defends. "I quest for goodness and knowledge, beauty and art, all of God's virtues."

"Your own mother was scapegoated." Kathy interrupts causing him to turn to her.

"So, how do you square that with your witch hunts?" The Doctor adds.

"What do you know of my mother?" King James asks threateningly. He leans close to Kathy's face.

"We know a lot." Kathy replies strongly, trying not to look uncomfortable with the close proximity. "For example, you had the chance to see her before she died, but you didn't want to. Why?"

"She left me when I was not even one year old." King James answers, his voice cracking slightly with emotion. "What kind of mother does that? Why would I wish to see her?"

"Nobody will ever know why she left you, James." The Doctor says sympathetically. "But you can't go hurting people just because you're scared to face up to the darkness inside you." King James turns away from them and sits further away as if to hide his emotions. "You have to be better than that."

"Who are you both? How do you know these things?"

"We know because we're all the same." The Doctor replies. "We want certainty, security, to believe that people are evil or heroic. But that's not how people are. You want to know the secrets of existence? Start with the mysteries of the heart. I can show you everything if you stop being afraid of what you don't understand. If you trust us. We are not witches. But if you want to defeat evil, you have to let us go. Now. Please, sire."

For a moment Kathy wonders if they have gotten through to him until he strides toward them. "I do not know what you two are. And there is only one way to be certain. Guards! Summon the villagers."

Kathy slumps in defeat.

——

The Doctor and Kathy are brought to the river by guards along with Becka, towards the stool. King James and Willa watch on from the other side with the villagers that have gathered. Kathy remembers how Ashildr and her had recently been drowned for being witches after saving a village. Now Kathy risks the same fate again.

"See you brought a gathering. Thanks very much." The Doctor remarks casually. "Mind if I take off my coat? Lots in my pockets, might stop me floating. Course, as a woman, you don't get to have pockets for a while yet." Becka doesn't look impressed.

"Debatable sometimes." Kathy adds, trying to be light hearted like the Doctor.

"Ah yes, true." The Doctor agrees before turning back to Becka. "A girl called Izzy Flint bullied my friend Yaz, so no one would pick on Izzy." She dumps her coat on the ground. "That's what you're doing. Pointing the finger at other people, so no one points it at you. But what I don't know is, why? What are you hiding, Becka?"

"Sit down. Or would you prefer a hanging?" Becka growls. They chain up the Doctor. Kathy held to the side. "Do you know why the ducking stool was invented, Doctor? To silence foolish women who talked too much."

"Do you know why they invented the guillotine? To lob aristocrats' heads off more efficiently." Kathy retorts pettily. No, it doesn't really make sense for the situation but it's literally the first thing that came to mind. Why does humanity have to come up with so many different ways to harm each other simply because they disagree?

"Good point Kathy! This stool is daft, cos talking's brilliant. Like, if you talk to me now, I can help. You've ducked thirty six people already, and whatever it is has only got worse, hasn't it?" Becka touches the wood and sparks fly. Kathy smirks while Becka looks fearful and the Doctor is shocked. "What was that? It reacted to your touch. Why?"

"I warned you to keep quiet." Becka snaps but Kathy can tell she's breaking.

"Rather we asked Willa?" Kathy retorts.

Becka's head snaps towards her. "Silence! Or I shall duck her too." She cries.

"Last request. I definitely get a last request. Lend us your hanky." The Doctor says casually.

Becka steps back looking alarmed and confused. "I don't have one."

"There's loads in your room. And an empty medicine bottle. What were you taking the medicine for, Becka?" The Doctor questions.

"Know this, Doctor. Once I have dealt with you, I shall go after all of your friends." Becka threatens.

——

The Doctor on the ducking stool now sits above the river.

Becka speaks to the crowd, "Satan has made our crops fail, bewitched our animals, and brought the sickness. His agent sits before you, the most evil witch in Christendom, and she would call herself the Doctor." The villagers jeer. "We bring her and her accolade to justice, in front of our great Majesty, King James. Give the word, sire, and we shall duck the witch and save our souls from Satan, once and for all."

King James looks uncertain as his eyes meet the Doctor's before eventually saying, "Duck the witch."

"Duck her!" The villagers cry.

Mud tears dribble from Becka's eye. She wipes it away but Kathy and the Doctor have already noticed.

"Doctor! Kathy!" Kathy hears Graham yell and turns to see the said man, Yaz and Ryan running up on the other side of the river.

"Guys, you need to get her up!" She yells to the companions. While the Doctor, and Kathy, can hold their breath for longer due to their respiratory bypass system, which Kathy had learnt she had inherited, she doesn't want to risk it too much.

"Guards! Duck her now!" Becka cries. There is a splash and the Doctor is under.

"Bring her back up now!" Graham yells.

"What've you done?" Ryan demands from King James.

"We will see the result." King James shakily replies.

"I'm the Witchfinder General! I'm giving you an order!" Graham shouts to Becka.

"I obey only my King!" Becka declares. Kathy notices the mud is smudging around her eye.

"Sire, please order her to be raised." Ryan pleads.

"She and Kathy are not witches. They're your only hope of getting out of here alive," Yaz adds. Kathy twists in the guards' grip anxiously.

"They're witches, sire, all of them. It's Satan testing us!" Becka announces.

"Get her out of there."

"It has been long enough." King James declares.

"No, it hasn't! We must be certain!" Becka insists. Honestly, Becka should be glad Kathy is tied up as it means Kathy isn't over there right now, throttling her.

"Bring her up now. Now!" Graham orders but King James hesitates.

"Please, Your Majesty." Ryan pleads.

King James listens and gives out his order, "Raise the stool. The trial is over." The dead tree is raised and the chains are empty. Kathy slumps against her guards in relief. The Doctor got out just as Kathy knew she would.

"Where's she gone? What's happened to her?" Ryan asks.

"No. No!" Becka cries.

"But where is she?" Yaz questions.

"Looking for me?" They all turn to see the Doctor squelching out of the river further down.

"Doctor!" Yaz cries in relief. The other companions sigh in relief.

"She truly is a powerful witch." King James gasps.

"No, sire. I am no witch and neither is Kathy. I'm just good at holding my breath, and getting out of chains, thanks to a very wet weekend with Houdini." The Doctor gasps out before turning to the three companions. "Hi, team! Gang! Fam?" She gets a few shaking heads. "No."

"Needs work." Kathy remarks with a beaming smile.

"I'm so sorry, Doctor, Kathy. I was scared." Willa calls over.

"See? That's all it takes, Becka. Start there. Tell me the truth." The Doctor orders. Becka seems to be covering her mouth as if she's going to be sick.

"She survived. She is a witch." Becka declares.

"No, we're not." Kathy counters. The guards don't protest as she pulls away from them. "And despite all appearances..."

"Doctor! Kathy!" Yaz yells.

"Neither are they." The mud women are behind Becka, slowly approaching. The one looking like Old Mother Twiston carries the axe from under Becka's bed.

"You might want to come and stand with me, Becka, cos they look like they've come for you." The Doctor warns the woman. People are running and screaming.

"I will be with you. In the water, in the fire, in the air." Old Mother Twiston gurgles.

"Stop. Just stop." Becka orders and the mud women do just that.

"They're obeying you." The Doctor murmurs. "Why are they obeying you? What happened, Becka? I thought they'd come to kill you. Which is a fair assumption given they're carrying an axe. But they haven't, have they? Of course. They've come to join you. Kathy said you're going on this crusade and why you killed your grandmother is because you have a secret. Something alien."

Becka is coughing and choking into the handkerchief she said she didn't have.

"It's in you, just as it's in them. And none of you can hide it anymore." The Doctor concludes.

"In the earth..."

"Tell them what happened Becka." Kathy tells her.

"I cut down her favourite tree." Becka replies.

The Doctor frowns. "What? I don't understand."

"It was spoiling my view of the hill. But something lay beneath it. I awoke Hell. Satan himself attacked me, poisoned me." Becka explains. "That night I felt it growing inside me. The mark of Satan. I fought it. I took medicine, I prayed, but it grew. I did God's work in the hope that He would save me."

"You killed people to try and save yourself." The Doctor accuses.

"All these witches! All this evil!"

"You knew they weren't witches!" The Doctor argues. "The only thing you feared was yourself. Did your granny know what you needed the medicine for?"

"Not to start with, but then I had to tell her. I needed her help, I begged for it, for her to lance this evil out of me. But she was too weak." Becka admits.

"So, you killed her by ducking?"

"I had to. She knew. I can't fight it any more, Doctor." Becka defends. She gasps and bends over in pain. The three companions, King James and Willa join them.

"You cannot fight it, because you are the witch." King James declares.

"I have let Satan in. I have failed you, sire. Yes, I am the witch!"

"Everyone, behind us. It's Becka they want." Kathy tells them, pushing them all behind her and the Doctor.

"But why?" Ryan asks.

"What's happening to her?" Yaz asks as Becka collapses to the floor.

"I tried to hold Satan back. I'm so scared. Please forgive me." Becka sobs. She screams and turns into a mud woman.

"What is happening?" King James wonders. "She is possessed by Satan."

"Not by Satan." The Doctor replies.

"Then by what?"

"Something not of this earth." Kathy answers. Becka has been transformed. Her skin has become hard mud.

"Morax." Says the Morax Queen in a deep gravelling voice. The mud women gather around it.

"Who are you?" The Doctor asks.

"Hand me your King." The Morax Queen orders instead.

"What?!" King James exclaims.

"What about your own King?" Kathy asks pointedly.

"He waits. We have all waited for too long, trapped in the hill." The Morax Queen declares.

"Pendle Hill." The Doctor realises.

"Our prison. The mighty Morax army, captured and imprisoned on this pitiful planet, for war crimes." The Morax Queen spits.

"Pendle Hill is a prison for an alien army." The Doctor realises.

"Ah well, it's obvious when you put it like that." Graham remarks.

"Imprisoned no more. The lock was broken." The Morax Queen continues.

"What lock? How was it broken?" The Doctor questions.

The Morax Queen ignores her. "Now the Morax army shall rise again and take form. Your King shall be filled with our King, and we shall be free, to fill all of you. To fill this whole planet with rage and force and hate and Morax!" It sends an energy blast at the group, knocking them out before Kathy can even say a word of warning.

——

They wake up to find the Morax Queen, the mud women and King James gone.

"Zapped by Becka Savage, Queen of the Morax. She's taken the King, knocked the rest of us out." Yaz is explaining to a dazed Graham as she helps him up.

"Okay."

"Quite a blast, that." The Doctor says as she and Kathy push the ducking stool back onto shore. Kathy had told her that they need this to help stop the Morax. "Haven't had a hangover like this since the Milk Wars of Keston Five. Kathy, you have a lot to look forward to."

"Great," Kathy mutters. Her head is going to burst with all these future hints.

"What are you doing with this thing?" Ryan asks.

They load the dead tree ducking stool onto a hand cart.

"Tell them what Bilehurst means." Kathy says to Willa.

"Sacred tree on a hill." Willa explains.

"The tree Becka chopped down because it was obscuring her view. The tree this ducking stool is made from. A tree that isn't a tree." The Doctor's sonic scan lights up the wood as green.

"It's ancient alien technology, beautiful and broken." Kathy continues. "A very old, very advanced bio-mech security system that locked away the Morax Army. Becka's touch made it react because of the Morax infection inside her." She enjoys it when she and the Doctor are able to bounce off one another.

"So, Pendle Hill's a prison?" Ryan concludes.

"From what Becka said, I'm guessing the Morax are royals with soldiers." The Doctor adds. "Pretty brutal ones at that. Presumably exiled for war crimes, scrambled down into their primal form."

"And they stay imprisoned until Becka Savage goes at that tree." Yaz realises.

"It can't be much of a lock if she can break it." Graham points out.

"Locks can erode even if it takes billions of years." Kathy argues.

"She must've broken it enough for part of the queen's form to escape and infect her. According to my calculations, this ancient alien wood is like Semtex to Morax. That's why it made such a good lock." The Doctor explains. "Right. Help me break it up."

"Break it up? Why? What for?" Yaz questions.

"We're going to stop them." Kathy declares.

——

They cut up the wood into torches and Graham, Yaz, Ryan and Kathy light them in a brazier, which makes them burn green.

"Anti-Morax weapons. The smoke is toxic to Morax. Should be enough to fend them off so you can rescue King James and I can get to the tree." The Doctor tells them. She sonics a small piece of the wood.

"Then what?" Ryan asks.

"She fixes the lock putting all the Morax energy back in the joint." Kathy informs him.

"One more thing, Doc." Graham puts the hat on her head. "Morax-finder General, back in command."

"It's a very flat team structure. Ready for battle?" The Doctor asks.

"Yes, we are." Willa says as she nervously approaches them.

"You don't have to, Willa." Yaz reassures her.

"It's time to stop being scared." Willa counters.

"Little bit of scared isn't a bad thing cuz your cousin ain't much compared to the Morax." Kathy warns her.

"Only I know the path up the hill, so you need me to lead the way." Willa argues.

"She's right." Graham agrees.

"There are more powerful people here than kings and queens. There's us, together." Willa deck. She lights her own torch.

"Lead on, Willa Twiston. Onwards to save the King." The Doctor replies. They March off after Willa.

——

They reach the top of Pendle Hill to see King James on the floor cowering in fear while surrounded by the mud women and the Morax Queen looming over him. A tendril is sprouting from the hollow of the tree stump.

"May the Lord save me!" King James cries as a face appears on the end of the tendril and hisses at him.

"Or alternatively... Witchfinders United, at your service." The Doctor announces their presence.

"Yeah, mate, you better back off." Yaz warns.

"Let him go, Morax." Kathy orders. "You can't have King James or this planet."

"Get away from the King!" Ryan thrusts his torch at the tendril, which recoils.

"The torches are working. They won't come near the flames." The Doctor observes.

"I've got you, sire." Ryan pulls him from the tendril and to his side.

"My protector!" King James cries as he cowers by Ryan.

"Willa, watch out for your granny!" The Doctor cries as the mud women roar ferociously at them.

"You're not my granny. Let her rest." Willa declares, waving her torch.

"And you, Morax, back into your cell. Now, please." The Doctor orders.

"Those flames don't scare me, Doctor. Nothing scares me now." The Morax Queen retorts.

"I know you're in there, Becka. I know you're scared." Willa tries to get through.

"Nothing of that pathetic woman remains. No fear, only power. We will fill your King and kill you all." The Morax Queen declares. Meanwhile, Kathy slips behind them to get to the prison.

"Afraid not, Morax. I'm here." Kathy calls drawing the Morax's attention. She throws her piece of wood down into the stump.

"Everybody back! Kathy has reactivated the prison." The Doctor cries. "Back you go, King of the Morax." The thrashing tendril is pulled back into the stump. The face on the end looks a bit startled. Green lines illuminate the hill. "Jail reenergised."

"No! My King! What have you done?" The Morax Queen cries mournfully.

"Feel that security system kicking back in, sucking every Morax cell back. Back down into Pendle Hill. Back out of the bodies they hijacked." The Doctor continues. The corpses of the women fall to the ground.

"Have peace." Willa murmurs.

"No! I will not go!" The Morax Queen cries.

"Yes, you will. Burn the witch!" King James declares, taking Ryan's torch and marching over.

"No, sire, stay away!" The Doctor tries but King James thrusts his burning brand into the Morax Queen, and it screams as it turns into a green flame and goes boom, knocking them back. There's a peal of thunder right on cue, and down comes the rain.

"What, woman?" King James asks when seeing the Doctor's face. "She was a witch. She confessed."

"So, you got what you came for." Kathy retorts with a frown.

"I have vanquished Satan." King James declares joyfully.

The Doctor returns his Witchfinder hat to James. "No more witch hunts."

——

They go where the TARDIS sits. Kathy happily strokes her as King James pleads with Ryan to get the Doctor to talk to him but Ryan tells him no. She smiles when she hears the TARDIS making noises, almost purring.

"What apparition is this?" King James murmurs when his eyes land on the TARDIS.

"Just another inexplicable wonder of existence you're not going to be able to tell anyone about." The Doctor replies sharply."Doctor, I understand you are displeased with me." King James says. "And I owe my life to you. Not one word of any of this shall ever be spoken. And even the name Bilehurst shall be erased from all records."

"As long as all the villagers make it out alive." Graham argues.

"What will you do, Willa?" Yaz asks.

"Find a new home. Take Granny's potions and be a healer. Be a doctor." Willa declares.

"I'll help," Kathy adds, "but I'll have to leave one day so you have to promise to write to me." Willa smiles and nods.

"I reckon you'll be good at that." Yaz says.

"One final command as your King." King James turns to Ryan and pleads, "Come back to London with me, Ryan. Be my protector."

"I mean, it's a kind offer, sire, but, er, you know... I've got stuff to do." Ryan pins the brooch on the King's jacket. "But I'll keep my eye on you. So, you... behave yourself."

"Or else, we will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger." Graham quotes.

"Ezekiel." King James says.

"Tarantino." Graham corrects. He enters the TARDIS behind Ryan and Yaz.

"What are you all doing?" King James questions.

"A brilliant man once said, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. We're just about to prove him right." The Doctor says. "Bye Kathy." Kathy gives her a nod and the Doctor goes into the TARDIS and it dematerialises.

"Where did they go?" King James asks while Willa huffs a laugh.

"Off and beyond." Kathy says.

——

After the adventure, Kathy travels to Paris and lives there for the 1620s and 30s. Carlyle joins her in the second decade as he and Ashildr have a falling out.

There is more to Willa Twiston's life than what Kathy had seen on the show. In 1634, Carlyle suggests to his mother, as they read a letter Willa has sent them (Kathy had suggested to her that she should keep writing and alert her to anything she can help with) that perhaps she should look at her scan of Willa once again. Kathy looks over her sonic screwdriver's readings of Willa, which reveals the girl's blood to be slightly abnormal from her years of having recipes made from the Hill's trees.

Kathy declares that she and Carlyle should go and tell Willa of this. They hurry to Willa's location to find that Willa has been accused of being a witch in the new trials. She is rescued at the hands of Kathy and Carlyle.

But that was not to be the end of Willa's adventures. Willa is moving through the woods, collecting materials when she hears whirring sounds. The sound she had last heard more than 20 years earlier. She turns excitedly, expecting the blue box but instead appears a building she does not recognise or understand. If she had knowledge of the future, she would have recognised it as a diner.

A mysterious figure steps out, it is a young woman in her late 20s, small in height and with a bob of brown hair. The woman smiles at her despite the frown she receives from Willa and cries cheerfully, "You must be Willa!" She then turns to look through the door she had stepped out of. "The coast is clear! You can come out!"

Then people Willa knows very well emerge except for one, a woman with long brown hair. "Katherine, Carlyle!" She gasps. "But you were..."

Katherine chuckles. "Oh, it's been a while for us Willa. A very long time though longer for Carlyle here."

Willa steps closer and takes in the three people's appearances. Her eyes widen when she takes note of the fact that their eyes are so much older than they were when she last saw them and the woman with long brown hair and eyes is ancient. This is funny because they, along with the mysterious woman with them, all look physically younger. Instead of panicking, Willa smiles and gives each of them a hug as she's pleased to see them despite it.

Carlyle laughs. "Let me introduce these two." He gestures toward the mysterious woman. "This is Clara. She's from the early 21st century. She used to travel with the Doctor. And this is Ashildr, my wife."

While Willa knows there's something more to what they are saying, she brushes it aside as it is none of her business.

Clara offers her hand for a shake. "Hiya!"

Willa smiles gently at the bubbly woman and shakes her hand. "Hello." She also shakes Ashildr's hand. "Why are you all here? Am I in danger again?"

"Oh no, no." Katherine says, waving her hand dismissively. "We thought we'd ask you to come with us."

"With you?"

"Yes, we think you deserve it." Ashildr explains.

Willa doesn't quite understand. "Go where?"

"Anywhere in time and space. That's what a TARDIS is for." Clara explains.

"Anywhere?" Willa asks in disbelief.

"Anywhere."

There is only one answer for Willa.

"Yes."

——

A/N: Don't know if anyone can guess where in her timeline Clara is 😉. I am happy to have her back even though it is brief.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was looking forward to writing this Doctor.

It's hinted in this chapter but because Kathy travelled to this world while the Thirteenth Doctor's run was still going so won't know anything after season 12 so she'll meet Dan and have no idea who he is, which will be scary for her.

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

#doctor who

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joe-moi · 5 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/joe-moi/736609927614840832/remaya-its-not-about-wanting-to-follow-in

all nepos have to do is just sit there and eat their food, but instead they come out with interviews about how “they still worked hard for what they got” and “it’s not fair to say they got to where they are because their parents are A-listers!” wahh wahh wahh. maya is not a great actress. sorry but she’s just not and she can only play one character which is just her real personality. I was willing to give her some grace but she doesn’t know how the real world works because she’s never had to live in it.

same thing with jack quaid. I was fine with him until meg ryan did an interview a little bit ago talking about how the nepotism label is offensive and how he’s worked so hard! … lol

none of them even have to say anything about it. if they just be quiet and do their work they’d be fine, but they can’t resist coming out to cry about how it’s not fair to say they are where they are because of their extremely famous parents, but we all know that’s not true

yeah im sure maya and jack have worked real hard working 2 jobs to pay for housing, acting courses, flights, hotels, etc etc etc. and that's not even mentioning all the networking they don't have to do to get agents/jobs lmaooo

sometimes i think about all my money worries and im like wow what would my life be without them and it's literally heaven. like i can't even think about it too long or i'll cry and then i think that people like maya and jack DONT EVEN HAVE THAT ISSUE AND HAVE NEVER HAD THAT ISSUE.

like honestly you're so right... it's not that hard to just NOT say anything about it but instead they have to open their mouths and try and defend the fact that their life is 10000% easier than the average person.

#anonymous asks #🐋 answers

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i-got-the-feels · 2 years

Text

Things I love in Jessica Jones Season 1 that I don't see anyone else talking about:

• The bond Trish and Jessica share. That even before Jessica thought of turning herself in she went to see Trish's abusive mom, called her out on her bullshit (multiple times) and told her to stay away from her. That Trish tells Jessica she hopes she can allow herself to be happy, gives her money to run, and stands by her even if she doesn't understand her. Trish tolerates her mom presence and future possibility of same to know about Jessica's past accident and what made her like this.

• Luke, I liked how we wasn't written as her saviour for one moment. He supported her, called her out on his wrongs, lashed at her in hurt, and helped her. I loved how the writers didn't deviate from this being Jessica's story and only hinted at Luke's past to show why he lashed out at her and of course to create buzz for Luke Cage.

• DAVID TENNANT. How he made me feel hopeful Kilgrave could be redeemed, when there was none. Yes, he doesn't know love or good relationships because of what his parents did to him, yes he may be like this because the virus in him may affect his morality and judgements but after the bus stop, he had the chance to let go and live alone. He didn't. So the virus just influences mind control, not his desire to have a connection, or as he called it his yearning for her. Or how when he said, "I can't be hero without you" saying that it shows that before her he never considered using his powers for good because why would he, the world's safest people for children- his parent's tortured him (to treat him, of course, I'll talk more about that later). Moving on, there was anger and sadness when he said "I'll make her want me and then leave her. Make her feel despair" (heavily paraphased) shows he is hurt by her not choosing him, accepting him, understanding him and the anger and jealousy for choosing and understanding Luke instead. Or when he compelled Jeri's wife to make thousand cuts on Jeri because he understood and empathised with her because in his perspective, Jessica made a thousand cuts on him too (honestly, thinking about this scene even now gives me chills) Or the joy he felt when he could control her again because he genuinely believed that with time and control she would understand and forgive him because of that 18 seconds. He remembers those 18 seconds like that because that 18 seconds made him realise that's what he wants with her. He wants her to be with him because he feels for her. Otherwise, why would he be angry and scared she wanted to jump "I don't care about anyone's life but you. The rest are fungible to me"

• Jessica telling people to deal with their own grief (the jewellery person who wanted to kill her because of her mom's death - which valid, her mom shouldn't have lost life under a building caused by extraterrestrial- superhero war that could be avoided but that also doesn't give her right to kill people with superpowers) or how she calls out Kilgrave's parents for wanting to be God. They defended by saying he would die of neurogenerative disease at 12 years if they didn't do this, but that was also playing God. And if it was just him, you experimented on other kids, HOW do you explain that?

• Malcom throwing the drugs away after Jessica says that Kilgrave did that to isolate her (which yes abusers do), Malcom's prayer for Reuben (A beautiful funeral doesn't guarantee Heaven), Robyn telling Malcom that she forgives him and she hopes there is express shipping in heaven.

•(Edit 1) Kilgrave dying with with a snap of neck and while I was a bit disappointed then and thinking , "Oh? That's it? No showdown of epic proportion?" now that I think about it, that was beautiful. Because no matter what mind control super power Kilgrave had, or whatever power he had that made him super human- him dying with a snap of neck showed he was still vulnerable, and human. That no matter how powerful you are, there are chinks in your armour (and here I wrote why it reminded me of Harry Potter)

P. S it was nice to see you Claire Temple.

Season 2

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empress-simps · 3 years

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Heyoo~ Can i have a request of Gojo, Nanamin, Itadori & Sukuna with s/o who is sweet & psycho, like Jabami Yumeko from Kagegurui?

Reacting to their sweet and psycho s/o

▪︎Featuring: Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Sukuna Ryomen and Itadori Yuji from Jujutsu Kaisen

▪︎ Pronouns: They/Them [Gn! Reader]

▪︎Genre: Comedy/Light crack

▪︎Warnings: Violence and typos/grammatical errors

Note: Ooooh this is bound to be interesting Hahaha Thankyou for requesting! I don't watch Kagegurui (yet) so I watched some clips here and there, I hope that this what you were hoping for! This was fun for me, sorry for the delay! I couldn't rlyy write since I had my braces adjusted and I was given elastics.. (OKAY THIS IS LONG OVERDUE PLS FORGIVE ME)

》 Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

He is spooked.

Gojo is gonna nervously walk towards you with the same grin on his face. But honestly, he was about to pee his pants when he hears you laugh maniacally as you butchered the curse.

He knew how your personality changes. It goes from 🥺✨💕💫🍭 to 🤬🗡😈⛓🕳 the second you see a curse or someone you care about getting hurt.

"How pitiful, can't even stand a chance against me?~ HAHAHAHA" You laughed, a crazy glint in your eye as you stabbed the curse repeatedly.

*insert Yuji worriedly peeking at you*

"Sensei?"

"Baby?" You saw Gojo walking towards you with the same carefree smile on his face. "Oh! Sa-to-ru!~ Coming to see the show?~" you asked, as you twirled the cursed weapon in your hand while you licked your lips. A closed eye smile making it's way to your face

"I was just getting started~"

When Gojo sees the curse about to attack you, he winced. Your head snapped towards the curse as you ran, meeting it along the way before stabbing it.

"Think you could sneak up on me like that?" You laughed, seemingly delirious as Gojo felt a bead of sweat running down the nape of his neck.

Yup, that's his s/o. The one he fears and loves.

And also why does it smell like pee-

This man would probably take you to a psychiatrist just to make sure-

"Y/n.. Don't be too loud.." Nanami said as he slowly walked over to you fighting the patchwork curse.

"Kenken, didn't he bully you?" You dodged Mahito's attacks as a teasing smirk made it's way on your lips. "I'm defending your honor!~"

All Nanami wants to do is dissapear in a hole

He rolled his eyes as he wrapped his necktie around his fist. "Don't get distracted, Y/n." You frowned as you tried to land a hit at the curse "You're distracting me! No more kisses for you!" You huffed, Nanami tried to hide his flustered state and cleared his throat as he attempted act disinterested.

Mahito laughed as he gave a closed eye smile while running towards you "I like you!~"

You frowned as you turned to him, "Everybody does, but I couldn't say the same for you. Now how about shut up so I could kill you hm?" You giggled, Nanami could only sigh as he attacked Mahito alongside you.

"Kenken! Don't get hurt okay?!" You exclaimed, narrowly dodging Mahito as Nanami hissed "I should be the one who's saying that!"

You smiled sweetly as you delivered a roundhouse kick to the face, "If you insist, you know I love you~"

Sukuna would be ✨proud af✨

It would be a match made in heaven considering well.. Sukuna's tendencies. You both compliment each other well and other curses fear you both. Talk about couple goals am I right-

"MORE!? I'LL GIVE YOU MORE!" You cackled, the poor curse begging for mercy. Sukuna watched as you mercilessly did what you wanted to them. His smug smirk clearly in view as his heart swelled with pride.

Attention everybody please find the nearest gtfo signs to you immeadiately

"Darling, are you having fun without me?" His loud voice echoing making you stop and smile at him, "Why don't you join in?"

"You're lucky you're not a sorcerer of things will be worse~" You sing songed to the shaking curse as you twirled your bloodstained weapon

Sukuna let out a chuckle. "That's my baby."

This is Gojo's son, what do you expect?

He would run for the hills for him not to get involved. Not that you would ever hurt him of course.

"Y/n, I think that's enough." Megumi said as he neared you, "You're scaring your coward boyfriend."

"Hey! I'm not a coward!"

Insert Yuji up in a tree tucked away in the branches.

"This thing pissed me off." You whined to your brother who pinched his nose and sighed. Yep, you definitely have Toji's genes "Exorcise the curse or I'll do it myself-"

You huffed, "Fine! You're no fun, brother." And then exorcised the curse. Megumi looked up to where Yuji was "You better learn how to handle my crazy sibling or else I won't give you my blessing to marry them" He stated while Yuji saluted at him .

"Sir yes sir!"

"Excuse me, I'm not crazy!" You said, crossing your arms over your chest and looking towards your brother who snickered and patted your head. He wouldn't dare ruffle it, the vivid mempry of you chasing him will forever haunt his mind.

Yuji slowly climbed down the tree and almost had a heart attack since he already saw you standing next to him with a smile on your face, waiting for him.

"Let's go grab lunch hm? I'm already starving!"

Yea, he probably needs a few more years to get used to this.

#jjk imagines #jjk scenarios #jjk x reader #jjk nanami #jjk sukuna #jjk gojo #jjk x gn!reader #gojo x reader #nanami x reader #yuji itadori x y/n #sukuna x you #jujutsu kaisen x gn reader #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

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shihozaki · 3 years

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hi can i request an matchup for haikyuu please? i use she/her pronouns, i'm empathetic/optimistic and i'm really good at comforting people! i don't like violence so when i see people arguing/fighting i get really panicky and i try my best to stop them, (I'm an infp 9w8 so it's in my nature to keep everything in peace). i lecture my friends when they do something wrong/dangerous and i'm always checking up on them but i'm really forgetful and clumsy, im forbidden to carry anything fragile and i daydream/zone out a lot so i easily get lost and i walk into things by accident- also i have a hard time defending myself/saying no to people :') when i'm stressed i get super emotional and cry over the most smallest things, i also cry when someone is hurt or was/in danger but besides that i'm really bubbly/giggly! my zodiac sign is scorpio and my house is hufflepuff! i'm protective over the ones i love and i wont hesitate to take a bullet for them. when im sleepy i get really affectionate/clingy and i'll ramble about the most random things. i'm super into conspiracy theories/horror movies but i get scared so easily- i love to read!! i bring a book with me everywhere i go and i used to volunteer to read to little kids and teach them how to read as well :D i'm 5'6 with dark auburn hair and brown eyes, i have freckles on my face and i have fairish skin. i would appreciate it if my s/o was protective but not to the point where it's too overbearing! also someone who can encourage and motivate me! my favorite color is purple and my biggest fear is spiders, i kid you not i don't care if its even an inch long i'll freak out and beg for someone to take it away- im so sorry this is so long, i tried my best to be as specific and short as much as possible please spare me ashjkhlfgh. you can use y/n or annie it’s your choice! have a great day <3

Thank you for requesting! I also enjoy conspiracy theories, and i added one of my favourite theories in the scenario :)

I pair you up with Kei Tsukkishima!

- Tsukishima is… quite the opposite of you. But opposites attract, and you guys are a match made in heaven!

- You first met him when you were lost in thought and tripped in the middle of the halls. Tsukkishima catched you right before you fell, and that was when everything started.

- Tsukkishima is WAY taller than you. Definitely tries to make fun of you for that. But because of that, he thinks it’s adorable when his hoodies are too big for you.

- He loves talking about conspiracy theories with you, playfully arguing with you is one of his favourite things to do.

- Whenever you guys cuddle and you fall asleep on him, Tsukkishima counts your freckles for fun. He would never admit it, but it calms him down.

- Remember when Tsukkishima got hurt when he was versing Shiratorizawa? Yeah, you almost cried while wrapping up his hand. Even though Tsukki was the one that got hurt, he had to calm YOU down.

- Kisses you out of the blue often. You could be doing baking or reading and he would just randomly give a small peck.

- Since you have a hard time saying “no” to people, he often says them for you. Whenever you give him the I-want-to-go-home-please eyes, he immediately picks it up and steps in. He’s surprisingly overprotective.

- Whenever you’re stressed and you’re crying, he pulls you into his chest and starts stroking your hair to calm you down.

- Overall you guys are in a very chill and safe relationship. He never admits it, but you got him wrapped around your finger.

- Also you steal his glasses sometimes and pretend to be him- he says he hates it but in reality, he thinks it's cute.

Scenario: When you first meet Tsukkishima!

‘Birds cannot be real.’ You thought as you walked through your school’s hallway. You had recently watched a Yootoob video about birds being intellectual spy drones designed by the government, and honestly, it kind of made sense. ‘But would that mean all birds were AIs? Even the pets?’ You shook your head. ‘No, maybe only some species of birds are robots. Not all the birds in the world can be drones.’ You started to list the species of birds you knew, until you felt your body fell forward. You shut your eyes, preparing for the cold floor to hit your face, but it never came. Instead you were greeted by a tall boy who had catched you. You quickly backed away from him, embarrassed. “Sorry! I mean, thank you!” You blurted out. A soft chuckle escaped from the boy. He pulled down his headphones. “You’re welcome. You should watch where you’re going.” Said the boy. He was tall. Was he a Third year? You gave a smile. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be worried! This happens a lot.” You held out your hand. “I’m Annie.” The boy stared at your hand. ‘Does he not know what a handshake is?’ You thought to yourself. “I’m Tsukkishima.” He replied, before giving a hesitant hand shake before walking away. You watched him disapear into a classroom, and wondered if you’ll ever see Tsukkishima again. Meanwhile, Tsukkishima walked to his class, wondering who he had just spoken to, and why his heart was beating so fast.

Song: Cheerleader by OMI

Thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoyed it! Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don’t hesitate to pop into the chat! I hope to see you again soon :)

#haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#matchup #matchups open #x reader

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [stories of the gals getting ready at a mad early time like ???] Janis: they know the party really starts at midnight, yeah? 🤔 Jimmy: they know they'll be 🎃 or 🐀s by then, gotta get all the selfies they can before the clock strikes, obvs Jimmy: REAL question is do I have time to tattoo anti-Tory slogans across my whole body before her dad comes back to see me ✨ or not Janis: Tag yourself, 🎃 or 🐀, you're clearly the 🎃 Janis: duh, you've got the ink, I'll bring the needle Janis: easy Jimmy: 'cause I'm SO 😁 about this party, near as 🎃 Jimmy: what can I write to let him know my truest feelings about lawyers? 🤔🤔 Jimmy: no win no fee finger tats? Janis: weren't just calling you fat with a dodgy spray tan Janis: though it does sum up half the clan so 👏🏆 Janis: VERY working class Janis: perfect Jimmy: but if the 👠 fits, yeah? I get it Jimmy: only #DRAMA'll be if Ian rates them an' all Jimmy: I'd have to ❌ 'em out or cover 'em up with something that'll get him fuming before he realises Jimmy: or chuck a 👗 on to go with them 👠 Janis: SO many men, SO many ways to please 'em/piss 'em off 😤😰 Janis: and the shoe don't fit you babe, sort of the whole point Janis: 👸✔ Jimmy: 😘😘😘 Jimmy: just carry it about so I can start a 🥊 nowt more common than a chipped tooth and black eye Janis: be PLENTY of candidates for a smack Janis: not sure if there'll be many who could get one in though Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻 have to get my mascara running another way, huns Janis: 🤢 Janis: you when your gag reflex kicks in Jimmy: SHOULD I spray tan? Tell me honestly Janis: 😬 Jimmy: go on, what one do you use? looks well natural Janis: 😏 Idiot Janis: @ my sister 'cos hers ain't Jimmy: oh right, fancy dress 🥳 is it? Jimmy: THANK GOD you said Janis: if you ain't gone anywhere more exotic than Skerries for the break, you've GOT to pretend hun Jimmy: brb painting myself Janis: remember to do the backs of your legs Janis: don't wanna match Asia Jimmy: how many 🥊 do you reckon to knock her 🦷🦷 out? Jimmy: can't do no 🥇 twinning with them there Janis: could do it under 5 but you might lose more fingers Jimmy: o wi no f Jimmy: mysterious Janis: you what? Jimmy: it'll ruin daddy's favourite tattoos but Jimmy: the 😎🚬 Janis: oh Janis: pftt Janis: you'll have a few years before you've ruined it with all the coffee machine burns Jimmy: such a relief, that Janis: what's more 💪 #ladladlad than various injuries Jimmy: tah for letting me know before my rib has healed and I've pissed away all the content I could've had Janis: I mean, that's why he does it yeah Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: bit late for any dickhead to try to toughen me up Jimmy: wrong location an' all Janis: you're tough enough Janis: some would say you look rough in that 👗👠 Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I'm well busy turning myself into that Bargain Hunt bloke Janis: *budget HUN Jimmy: give me a break, Jodie, it's happening on mine in the CG 🚽 Janis: busy working boss babe, I get it Janis: I'm busy too, tah Jimmy: doing what? Janis: 🐕🏃 Janis: people wanna get ready/get pissed without worrying about their pooches, who knew Jimmy: I get it🎇🎆'll start and they'll all shit themselves, helps if they've already done a 💩 Janis: that, and I doggy drug them so Janis: everyone's 😁 Jimmy: except Ian, he'll be 💔😭🎻 you ain't poisoned ours for the night Janis: There really is no pleasing some people Jimmy: @ Sharon in a bit Janis: when she's had enough seccys to spill the good goss Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🗨 about as good as the time he'll be threatening her with Janis: Ick Janis: I hate this night Jimmy: subtle hint and challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll turn it round for you, girl Janis: you ain't competing with much but Janis: go ahead Jimmy: 👍 Janis: need a thumb in the middle gladiator style Jimmy: bit rude Janis: I'll decide your fate, that's not necessarily rude Jimmy: which one's the 💀💀💀 one? Janis: 👎 I think Janis: but you'll be 👍 so maybe we need to switch it Jimmy: don't need to be fluent at signing to come up with a signal Jimmy: I'll make it really obvious for you when I want you to do it Janis: gun through the roof of your mouth is a bit obvious to the rest of the party-goers though, remember Jimmy: you want subtle you can have subtle Janis: I want you to do what you want Janis: if we're not enjoying fucking up their party, what's the point Jimmy: I don't do nowt I don't want Jimmy: far as this goes Jimmy: enough of that bollocks everywhere else Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: and I meant what I said Jimmy: not actually 😁 but Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: yeah Janis: we're 🥇 Janis: it's them having the 💩 time Jimmy: already Jimmy: [group chat highlights] Janis: 😏 Janis: do we know which of them is bringing a victim? Jimmy: Asia DUH Jimmy: Tammy's the only one who had me #SHOOK Janis: bullshit Janis: be SO awks when her fake boyf doesn't show Jimmy: be so 💔 when it ain't a full set no more Jimmy: even 💀#2's spreading it about that there's a lad she wants to 💋 Janis: 😂 either you or her is lying now Janis: I'll place my bets Jimmy: insider tip, it ain't me Jimmy: I'd NEVER lie to you, sweetheart Janis: 💕 Janis: does it make Mia 😁 or 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 REALLY though Janis: that's the question Jimmy: my 💰's on 😁 when it don't happen Janis: that's with any of them 👑 Janis: thinks she's the 👸 of the story Jimmy: who's she faking it is? that's the real question Jimmy: remind me how many brothers you've got again Janis: just the 1, that's easy to remember, keep up Jimmy: if he were gonna brainwash himself into a new sexuality, she'd DEFINITELY be who for Janis: ✨ she ain't Janis: god bless Jimmy: 🙄 back to ootds, fuck's sake Asia Janis: Do you wanna see mine now or be pleasantly surprised later Jimmy: Do you want me to chuck this ☕ over the dickhead who ordered it or what? Janis: surely that goes without saying Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: [some lewk you won't be able to serve 'cos god damnit we deserve it] Jimmy: shit Janis: tell Asia she may as well stay home then? Jimmy: [does but in a way that's like loved up and #goals not like fuck you gals obvs] Jimmy: when did you sort that? Jimmy: it weren't the other day, I'd have 👀 Janis: would you? you were pretty distracted Janis: I had it way at the back of my wardrobe though Jimmy: Oi, don't be doubting my dedication to 🛍 Janis: you're well dedicated to the try-on, I know Jimmy: I know what matters, yeah Janis: you're gonna have time to get all your glitter on, yeah? Jimmy: I'll make time, LITERALLY see above for why, like Janis: Priorities, baby Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: I'll let you get on with spilling more coffee over more dickheads then Janis: 🕖 will fly Jimmy: you're the dickhead Janis: oi Jimmy: you are Janis: how am I? Jimmy: you know how Jimmy: you're gonna just 💀💀💀 me and piss off? Janis: You're not 💀💀💀 Jimmy: it feels like I could Janis: that's how I want you to feel Janis: do you want me to apologize? Jimmy: I want Janis: you want Janis: ❓ Jimmy: you here Janis: I want that too Janis: but I can't Janis: both busy Jimmy: that's why you're a dickhead Janis: blame your manager Janis: and these dogs Jimmy: they're not sending me 📷 Jimmy: looking so fucking Janis: should hope no Janis: t* Janis: your DMs are full enough without that blatant competition Jimmy: would explain the TENSION and shite shifts Janis: oi Jimmy: never said I were gonna give him any 😍 or 💌 back Janis: 😣 Janis: will have to ask to see your manager to fuck him up Jimmy: I get that you're just making sure my 😍 stay yours but I can't help falling for it Janis: Gotta do what I gotta do Janis: even if it means Karen-ing out Jimmy: not too busy for that? Janis: never too busy for a brawl Janis: um, defending your honour, I mean Jimmy: priorities Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Baby Janis: you ARE my priority Jimmy: *🐕🏃💰 Janis: what are you doing right now Janis: ☕💰 Jimmy: difference is I could and would be able to still ☕🎨 if I had you here on this counter an' all Jimmy: 🐕s ain't letting you do owt but 🏃 Janis: Trying to work out if you want me to give you the chance to prove that or not Jimmy: you think I've got owt to prove? Janis: Not to me Jimmy: who else? Jimmy: you're the only one I'm bothered about Janis: then Jimmy: then what? Janis: If I get time Janis: and get rid of all these dogs at a point Janis: I could try to come in Jimmy: 🚫🤞 Jimmy: but Janis: I know Janis: it's bullshit but Janis: I mean that I'll try Jimmy: it's not nowt that you mean that Janis: I am doing the route 'round mine though Janis: typically Janis: so it will take me a while regardless Jimmy: I'll be here ages Jimmy: maybe he wants to make his move after I've flipped the sign to closed Janis: doesn't he know we're the only ones allowed to be cliche Jimmy: knows nowt unless it's written in the work groupchat Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: kind of you Janis: I could just pull up on him Jimmy: STOP OMG 🤤🤤🤤😍😍 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [a selfie with the manager in the background and he's drawn a 🎯 on him like] Janis: [finger gun selfie like pew pew] Jimmy: alright, don't keep reminding me how fit you are Janis: heaven forbid ANYONE forgets Janis: gonna take SO many selfies tonight Jimmy: Oi Janis: *couple goals selfies Jimmy: 📷's my job, dickhead Jimmy: don't matter if I'm in 'em or not Janis: so possessive about your 📸 Jimmy: bollocks am I, I've offered to lend it loads of times Janis: must be the muse then Jimmy: she is 🥇 Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: but I could teach you 📸 there's nowt you could teach any dickhead about how you're 🥇 Janis: 📸 not the only thing you're 🥇 at Jimmy: there's a list you've got, so I've heard Janis: more than a maybe Janis: ✔ Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you can have another Janis: at midnight Janis: better than a 💋 from a drunk randomer Jimmy: you're still gonna kiss me though Jimmy: ! and ? Janis: look weird if I didn't Jimmy: if you don't wanna I'll arrange to be 😭😭😭 in the 🚽 with Ella and Tammy Janis: highly doubt #2 has the energy to fake tears, let alone produce 'em Jimmy: just me and the tiktok 👑 then Jimmy: bit weird and cosy but Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: *💔 you mean Janis: you know I want to Jimmy: you have to, I'm turning the night round for you, as promised Janis: and that's your answer, yeah? Jimmy: if your question's how I'm gonna do it, I ain't gonna answer Jimmy: ⏲ and 👀 Janis: alright Janis: not promising patience Jimmy: I know what you're like, it's alright Jimmy: nowt if not used to that, me Janis: sound more put upon Janis: dickhead Jimmy: UGHHHHHHHHHHHH Jimmy: there you go Janis: ha ha Janis: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣** there YOU go Jimmy: **🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you'll do yourself an injury Jimmy: not ANOTHER one 🎻 Janis: you brought it up, that time Janis: let the record show Jimmy: but it's you who's making it sound like I need to chuck a load of fragile stickers on my head Jimmy: good job it's massive Janis: I am not Jimmy: 👌 girl Janis: get in the group chat if you wanna chat like that Janis: BOY Jimmy: never left, I'd be GUTTED to miss one of Asia's POSSIBLE ootds Janis: stay in there Jimmy: [sends her the worst of these lewks] Janis: What's she going for with that... Janis: I? Jimmy: 🐧? Jimmy: hang on, no, it's OBVS 🦨 Janis: the slaggy one from Bambi Jimmy: very on brand of her Janis: interesting theme Janis: bit characters from retro disney Jimmy: 💀👑 must've sorted it Jimmy: ☠🍎's on brand for her Janis: she thinks the queen but definitely the crone Jimmy: don't she eat the lass' 💘 in the 📖? have to get her calorie counter app out Janis: actually a pigs heart so factor that in, babe Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: so much fat Janis: don't fancy it any more on the way back up Jimmy: I don't fancy my 🍪🧁🥐 no more, tah for that, mate Jimmy: gonna look so skinny in a bit now Janis: **less fat Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: ILY 2 BABES 💖🙌 Jimmy: such BFF goals, us Janis: rival 💀👑 n #2 Jimmy: 👏👏🥀 Janis: is she still with my brother or what Jimmy: dunno Jimmy: been a bit busy telling Asia she's dead brave for going with that 👗 Janis: 😏 Janis: shame she's thick enough to be expecting the 🥇 in the post Jimmy: I'll ask 💀👑 if she's doing a couple's outfit if #2 answers we'll have ours about your brother Janis: 💡 Janis: can't accuse you of the same today Jimmy: [sends her whatever the answer is] Janis: [probably should still be together for the drama and we're not committing you to ages here so] Janis: 😒👌 Jimmy: you'll have even more fun ruining it Janis: yeah Janis: we will Jimmy: 💔 we can't steal the 🎤 off her with some MASSIVE announcement Janis: we could fake one but fake calling off the engagement is more hardcore than fake break up, remember that Jimmy: don't worry me Jimmy: every dickhead knows LDRs don't work Janis: neither does teen marriage Janis: not #goals either Jimmy: What then? 🏠🔑? 🐕? Janis: fucked if I know Jimmy: ✈️ tickets 👋 Janis: yeah Janis: that's never not Janis: and easy to fake Janis: easy for us, anyway Jimmy: 👍 Janis: where we fake going then Jimmy: Where do you wanna go? Janis: 🍸🛍💃☕✨ OBVS Janis: but we should say your hometown Janis: most believable Janis: awh factor is a bonus Janis: you'll have 📸s Jimmy: you sure? Jimmy: nowt #goals about being there Janis: the #trust is the #goals bit Janis: anyway, you aren't going to have an actual break from CG for a million years so Janis: only a long weekend, all we have to do is hide the whole time, what's not to 💕? Jimmy: I get it, this is 'cause I said that whatever we do is #goals Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll make it look 🍸🛍💃☕✨ Janis: Sure you can Janis: don't you think it's a good idea Janis: could go over dead cheap, no one is going to think it's a stretch Jimmy: it'll do Janis: no one'd give me sympathy for my fake miscarriage so Janis: yeah, have to Jimmy: know our audience Janis: any bitch with half a brain'd reckon it 🍀 to get away with the sob story not the unwanted brat Jimmy: don't need any fake kids to raise an' all, got enough on with the real ones Janis: exactly Janis: be well rude of me Jimmy: bag of sugar'd just disappear into my tea Jimmy: near enough a murder Janis: 💀 there's slow n painful and then there's that Jimmy: bit bored of the rumours going about but Jimmy: end up with some right weirdos in my DMs if we went with that Janis: you rate the ones you got now then? Jimmy: as harmless enough Jimmy: the only 💀💀💀 pact I want is the one we have Janis: right answer Jimmy: I'll give you loads more of them before tonight's over with Janis: I'll give you whatever you like Janis: can't promise it'll be what you wish for at midnight but Jimmy: what you're NOT a 🧠📖? Janis: I am, OBVIOUSLY Janis: just don't think I can get it done, soz Jimmy: ? Janis: 🤫 Janis: can't reveal my secrets Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: mm 😏 Jimmy: did fall for how mysterious you are so Janis: that's the story Jimmy: 💕 Janis: who HASN'T fallen for my mystery, that's the question Jimmy: if this were a film or something one of them dogs would've cocked his leg on you as that sent Janis: rude Janis: if it was a film, I'd bump into a 😒 man and he'd be so unimpressed and I'd be so 😳 Jimmy: that murderer from a bit ago popping back Janis: 🙏 Jimmy: come bump into me, there ain't a more 😒🌧 about Janis: *Bill trying to get the story back on track Jimmy: I promise you'll be SO 😳 Janis: you're Janis: distracting me Jimmy: you started it Janis: you asked for it Jimmy: I will if it means I can have it Janis: try it then Jimmy: please Janis: yep Janis: okay Janis: let me just Jimmy: just hurry up, please Janis: I am Janis: you don't need to keep saying it and killing me Jimmy: [a voice memo to keep saying it and killing her obvs] Jimmy: do I not? alright Janis: I hate you a bit Jimmy: only 🤏? Janis: only? Janis: this doesn't feel like only Jimmy: so how much do you really hate me? Janis: so fucking much Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: got loads of ideas, me Jimmy: done nowt but think about you since I got here Janis: taking it despite the obvious Jimmy: where you obviously are on the fuming scale, yeah Janis: the obvious fact that your job is boring and so are your customers Jimmy: and co-workers Janis: your girlfriend ain't working then Jimmy: bit rude to call Pete a lass, his hair ain't even that long Janis: not who I meant but I'd know if he was in you'd be 😍 and ignoring me Jimmy: who did you mean? Janis: idk her name Janis: hillary Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: loads of dickheads have called in sick, bit weird that Janis: so strange Janis: going about, that Jimmy: she's probably one, whoever you mean Janis: hannah? Janis: lucy? Janis: you know who I mean Jimmy: I don't Janis: ugh Janis: the one that gave me evils Jimmy: her? ain't seen her since then Jimmy: assumed you'd murdered her Janis: fuck around and find out Jimmy: how'd you do it then? Janis: made her drink some bleach instead of putting it on her head for once Janis: easy Jimmy: Bill must've been chuffed to bits Janis: his idea, if anyone asks Jimmy: should've used a dagger if you wanted him to take the fall Jimmy: #obsessed Janis: didn't float one to me in time Janis: his own fault Jimmy: part timer Janis: thought you were accusing me Jimmy: you're not a piss poor 👻 Janis: tah Janis: 💕 Jimmy: far as your �� rating goes Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: see the evidence of that Janis: speaks for itself so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: I don't have the teeth or owt and I've done as decent of a job Jimmy: that speaks for itself an' all Janis: speaks for how irresistible I am Jimmy: gonna have to stop calling you 💪🏆🥇 if this pissing about keeps on Janis: I told you I had to finish up THEN get to town Janis: cheek of you Jimmy: cheek of you to ever call me soft, more like Janis: steady on Jimmy: should give you the nicest 🧛🏆 Jimmy: hang on, I'll knock one up Janis: I'll be a laughing stock Janis: you should be dead/my servant by now Jimmy: that's what I'm saying Jimmy: sort your head out, mate Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me Janis: no Janis: 'cos you want it, that's nice Jimmy: I'll fake a will to live for a bit Jimmy: come on Janis: you want mean Janis: 😶 Jimmy: I want whatever you want, my dear Jimmy: that's what I'm here for Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Janis: it'd be a nightmare being with someone like that Janis: actually Jimmy: do you reckon any dickheads are actually going on like that? Janis: yeah Janis: plenty Janis: happy wife happy life shit Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: my sisters bloke is like that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 he'd be able to crack onto so many more Sharons with that bollocks Janis: he would NEVER Janis: do what you like, drown out the nagging Jimmy: never be able to keep it up but he's only gotta get them within ⛓ distance of the sink Janis: 😬 bear it Jimmy: we all will, owt to avoid having to do the washing up myself, OBVS Jimmy: too much of a #lad for it Janis: keep walking if you reckon I will Janis: not in the contract Jimmy: not a kink 🔓 and there's nowt about it in Bill's script, you're alright, Jillian Janis: 👌 Janis: in other news, dropped the last dog off Jimmy: didn't drop a ☕ in my rush to 🙏🙌 hearing that but a shitter 🤹 might've done Janis: you know how far it is to mine now, you're holding off on the excitement, like Jimmy: stamina like mine, bloody have to 👴💔 Janis: 😏 Janis: put my outfit n shit in a bag so we can go from yours later? Jimmy: loads later, after we've been alone for AGES, yeah? Janis: yeah Janis: ruining their party/life ain't gonna take all night Jimmy: few minutes if that Janis: you got plans for the rest of our time, right Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Jimmy: you know I have Janis: I like having confirmation Janis: sue me Jimmy: you helping me apply ✨ is a good bit of it Janis: I don't know if I'm gonna want to go anywhere after that Jimmy: I'll carry you ✔ Jimmy: where the fuck does she live? Janis: safe to say too far for that Janis: ❌ Jimmy: [the most pouty selfie of all time] Janis: 🥺🥺 Janis: stop Janis: we'll take loads of breaks on the way, yeah? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: something like that Jimmy: as addictive as that Janis: I Janis: wish your dad's car was still here Janis: and I'm going to get ready Jimmy: If my manager weren't, I'd bring you it Janis: never there 'til you don't want him to be 💩😁 Jimmy: what comes of not being a paddy round here is that, no luck Janis: 💔 poor boy Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: least you like the accent, makes it a bit less 💔 Janis: it's on the list, no spoilers though, wait and 👀 what else is Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 again? Janis: [gonna have to stop this now, ugh, fuck you shit nan] Jimmy: ? Jimmy: [later when she obvs has not replied] Jimmy: really dedicated to no spoilers, you Jimmy: did your phone 💀💀💀 or what? Jimmy: [a bit later again] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: if you're fake tanning without me, FUMING Jimmy: [and again] Jimmy: You alright? Jimmy: [even later] Jimmy: Where the fuck've you gone? Jimmy: I'll be done in a bit Jimmy: [and when he's done] Jimmy: answer me, dickhead or I'll 🚗 Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: [later still] Jimmy: What's going on? Jimmy: this is doing my head in now Jimmy: just Jimmy: [even later later] Jimmy: tell me you're not 💀💀💀 Jimmy: please Jimmy: [later later later] Jimmy: or owt else Jimmy: 🗨 any bollocks Jimmy: [after whatever lies Grace has told because why not] Jimmy: She don't look enough like you to act as stand in Jimmy: as understudies go, I wouldn't bother next time if I were you Jimmy: don't know why I'm still bothering with this Jimmy: you're not Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [So clearly, going to be gone for a few days but be back before school starts] Jimmy: [do you wanna do that they don't see each other/he doesn't know she's back until school though or do that before as well?] Janis: [we were going to do the kid's birthday party thing I think?] Jimmy: [yeah that should definitely be as soon as she's back for max awkwardness I'm just wondering how he's gonna know she is lol so I thought maybe they'd have to do a school day first or something idk] Janis: [oh yeah, we could do it like that, that works, it's usually 4-6th is so] Jimmy: [cos like I think we did before that he saw her 🐕🏃 but I doubt she'd be taking dogs over the park opposite his house casually so school feels like the only place they would run into each other cos likewise not gonna go order a latte so unless she's on route to mcvickers and they run into each other that way because it's right by his house? but I feel like she'd think of that and maybe avoid there too] Janis: [we'll go with it, awkward] Jimmy: [the other question is has he covered for her/keep up the fake dating vibes or has there been zero content because obvs relevant either way] Janis: [up to you, as she did not ask this time, and clearly she can't have been posting anything] Jimmy: [yeah I'm not sure how much he'd be able to do onesided lol like he could've had pics and stuff that they haven't posted before etc but like if there's nothing from her I don't know how they'd account for that unless it's like a I lost my phone/ it's broken cliche but if he doesn't post anything peeps are gonna be like ???!! so which he'd wanna avoid so I could see him covering without being asked] Janis: [do your best boy, got faith, clearly the first thing we do when we get back is post something of our own] Jimmy: [plus it makes it more awkward when they do see each other in person because they'd have to keep up the fakery because there has been no lull far as the fans are concerned] Janis: [and we haven't actually done school fakery yet so, I hope it's a day you have a lot of classes apart lol] Jimmy: [do we wanna say they interact first in a class they don't have because like you said posting on socials again and we can awkwardly talk here or throw them straight into being together asap and having to navigate that?] Janis: [I think she would say something, tbh, not just show up like that] Jimmy: [okay then, have fun working out what you're gonna say boo] Janis: Sorry, didn't take my phone Janis: do catch up now Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: Yeah, Grace told you right Jimmy: ✔ Janis: 👍 stuff Janis: told her to Jimmy: you can crack on giving her a 🏆 Jimmy: she'll be chuffed Janis: Bit far Janis: but 🧠 like hers, glad she remembered Jimmy: lies and fake bollocks comes natural to her, that'll be why Janis: don't think she went to the party, actually Jimmy: got that in common Janis: Yeah Janis: shame but sure it was still shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: she looks 😢 rn Janis: and she's usually buzzing for psychics so Janis: something happened Jimmy: or didn't Janis: she'd be keeping it DL if she got dumped or her next victim didn't show so yeah Janis: possible Jimmy: might just be daddy didn't bring the right 🎁 back Jimmy: don't get more 💔 than your soulmate not actually understanding you Janis: no postcard Janis: makes sense Jimmy: I've done my 😭 that you didn't bother Janis: no 📱 no 🖊 Jimmy: no 🩸 Jimmy: #starving🧛problems Janis: not looking 💀 I don't think Jimmy: don't matter, there's ages before I have to give you 😍 IRL Jimmy: can practice on sir til then Janis: thank GOD Jimmy: find him at your brother's house? makes sense, ALWAYS going on about loving the gays Janis: Adds up, right? Jimmy: more than this lesson plan Jimmy: but that's saying nowt, sir's clearly had a rough go of 🎄 Janis: ain't we all Janis: no need to 😭 Jimmy: weren't about to get the 🎻s out, you're alright Janis: talking about him, anyway Janis: you're fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: what are you going on about? Jimmy: I'm fine, you said it Janis: Alright Janis: you seem off Jimmy: not 😁 about school Jimmy: or still being here for it Janis: #therelatablemoodoftheday Jimmy: right Janis: Well I go home for lunch so don't worry about having to come find me then Janis: just english and detention, unavoidably so Jimmy: bit far, isn't it? Janis: I don't go home home, walk some dogs, if I have time, or go for a run Jimmy: just #bants mate Jimmy: even I've got that much of a grasp on where shit is Jimmy: and reading a clock Janis: a fair question, not a side-splitter Jimmy: weren't gonna have time to find you then any road, got my own home to go to and 🐕 to 🏃 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👌 in a bit then Janis: thought the lesson were shit Jimmy: know what you're like 🤓 be a bit rude not to leave you to crack on with yours Janis: well considerate Jimmy: 😘 Janis: can pretend we're doing the same dog walk Janis: in that vein Jimmy: [sends her some pics of Twix on a walk because Bobby would take like 4 million] Janis: sorted Janis: very cute Jimmy: save it for the caption, Joan Janis: I can do better than that Janis: not half-arsing it Jimmy: remembered your phone today, for starters Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: I didn't forget it, I just left it Jimmy: weren't pulling your weight either way Janis: yeah, I know Janis: no one does anything in January Janis: easy to get back on track now Jimmy: we've not been off track 'cause I ain't been off the clock Janis: alright, thanks Janis: I didn't tell you to Janis: or tell Grace to tell you that Jimmy: you didn't tell me fuck all Jimmy: and I didn't do it for you Janis: well I gave you a perfect excuse to not to Jimmy: I didn't fancy DMs full of lasses offering to take your place from the new year's 💋 onwards Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 is right Janis: if I can't go out the city without them pouncing then clearly we're not doing enough Jimmy: can't control what they do Jimmy: more #goals we are, the more they wanna step into your role Janis: fucking hell, okay Mr Perfect Janis: then what? Jimmy: what did you think would happen? Jimmy: there's loads of fans that are just 👏👏🌹 an' all Jimmy: 👀🍿 Janis: what is the plan for if not that Janis: you'll not put off everyone but if it's not better then it's broken Jimmy: if you want out, piss off out Janis: I'm not the one complaining Jimmy: neither am I Jimmy: I'm catching you up with what I did and why Janis: Great Jimmy: can't win with you Jimmy: mardy when I say nowt and when I 🗨 Janis: You're the one in a mood Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: you want me to be Jimmy: going on and on about it Janis: yeah, that makes sense Jimmy: never said it did Jimmy: should've told you to sort your head out Janis: fuck off Janis: I'm good Jimmy: that's more on brand for you, babe Jimmy: on you go Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: ha ha Jimmy: funny's more on brand for you an' all Jimmy: said it before Janis: what's your brand then? Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: yeah Janis: well you've not good a good grasp on mine so I'll decide, thanks Janis: got* Jimmy: got loads of time to do the ❌ while sir 🗨 and 😭 Janis: you don't need a list Jimmy: don't have one, so you reckon Janis: You've got the wrong ✔ Jimmy: got no ✔ about your branding Janis: don't matter Janis: only the fake Jimmy: if it don't matter why bother telling me I'm wrong? Janis: so you stop telling me what I am Jimmy: I get it, that bit matters Janis: if I've got to hear you chatting shit, yeah Jimmy: you only wanna have your go at it, I get that an' all Jimmy: 🚫👂 Janis: what have I said Jimmy: nowt but bollocks, that's the point Janis: You made it clear you don't wanna talk Jimmy: you started it Janis: I couldn't take my phone Jimmy: you could've made a tin can 📞 by now, you've had days Janis: I was a bit busy Jimmy: you know what I mean Jimmy: if you wanted to talk to me, you would've Janis: that's actually not true Jimmy: what your brother's not got a 📞 or 💻 Jimmy: it's just bollocks Jimmy: takes a minute to tell me you're alright yourself Janis: I didn't have a minute Janis: I clearly weren't at my brothers Janis: I told you that so you could put that out there if you didn't want to do the whole show yourself Jimmy: yeah 'cause that's what I'm bothered about Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I did my best not to leave you in the lurch Jimmy: I don't fucking care what the fake story is Janis: I'm sorry alright Jimmy: stop being a twat Janis: Charming Jimmy: it's not about how 💔🎻😭 it were or weren't for me Janis: what then Janis: go on Jimmy: you, dickhead Janis: what do you mean, me? Jimmy: if you need the list, you couldn't take your phone, didn't have a minute to grab one, weren't at your brothers, all shit you've said just now Jimmy: and before at the park you said you've stayed there Jimmy: I'm not thick, alright Janis: Shit happened Janis: it's not my mum Jimmy: you don't have to tell me, but there's no need to chat bollocks Janis: Don't change that I went either way Janis: I don't think you're thick Jimmy: just leave it out acting like you went on holiday Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I heard you up there Janis: I don't know what to say else Jimmy: I'll let you 🤐 Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I still want to talk to you Jimmy: @ me you're got loads of that to do Janis: 👍 Janis: If you like Jimmy: if you like Jimmy: not me who's got writers block Janis: you've told me what you don't wanna hear, not what you do Jimmy: since when do I need to? Janis: That's fairly obvious Jimmy: never been my job to feed you lines Jimmy: @ Bill's 👻 for a bit of that if you need a hand Janis: don't have no problem with the fake story Janis: [do some socials, to that point] Jimmy: [just doing a socials sesh because it's simpler to be fake than handle how we really feel] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: tah Janis: means a lot Jimmy: not patting you on the back for doing your bit Janis: I can see the evidence right there Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: more like it Jimmy: piss off and do your physics 🤓 Janis: it's all 🏃 and 💥 Janis: nothing nerdy about that Janis: what are you doing? Jimmy: drying sir's eyes Jimmy: sure it means loads to him an' all Janis: I meant subject but pop off Janis: Lucas is going to be so upset Janis: CONSTANT job Jimmy: that'll be why I'm getting my practice is, gonna be so 😱😱😁 to FINALLY see him again, muscle memory'll have to do Jimmy: *in Janis: you'll do great Janis: 👸 Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: Lucky him Jimmy: DUH he deserves nowt but the best Jimmy: I'm the lucky one to have all this detention ⏲ Jimmy: ⭐🏆 Janis: you can ask for alone time then Janis: see if he goes for it Jimmy: doubt that Janis: Yay Jimmy: gonna have to work harder than that at saying it like you mean it Janis: I don't Janis: it's bullshit Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: I've not thought about him all holiday Janis: almost forgot Jimmy: should've added more 💔💔💔 Jimmy: SO cruel, you Jimmy: he'll have 💭 of nowt else Janis: how he likes it Janis: no pain no gain Jimmy: all part of your plan, I get it, Judith Janis: don't always miss Jimmy: SUCH an athlete, I remember 🏀 Janis: it helps, I guess Jimmy: 🥅⚽️ Janis: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: I don't want a compliment Janis: I'm trying to Janis: never mind Jimmy: it's not much of one with nowt to back it up still, I get that an' all Janis: sure you'll still be here when the season starts Jimmy: bit rude Janis: realistic Jimmy: 👌 Janis: it's like next week, calm down Jimmy: not sitting here fuming about owt you 💭 Janis: alright Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your reassurances that we'll still be here, he'd be chuffed to hear 'em Janis: not my fault Jimmy: it ain't mine that you can't take a compliment Janis: you're not trying to compliment me, I'm not thick Jimmy: don't need to try for a start Jimmy: you're the one who's got catching up to do Janis: and I'm doing it Janis: what looks more suspicious than love bombing you the entire day Jimmy: nowt suspicious about that to our audience but alright Janis: fuck's sake Janis: [more socials] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: piss off Jimmy: you Janis: happily Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yep Jimmy: [sends her whatever drawings he did for the days she was gone because he said he'd do one every day bye] Janis: I get it Janis: yeah Jimmy: that you're so hard done by having to do owt that I thought I'd give you a hand with bollocks you can post, yeah Janis: no, that you've held that shit down, and I am grateful Janis: but as you said you don't care, and I had more pressing shit to deal with, I'm not going to say thank you forever Jimmy: I don't want you to say tah, not that dickhead Janis: just to hold it over me, you're THAT dickhead Janis: ? Jimmy: OBVS if that's how it's coming across that's how it is Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'd rather you just came out and said what you want to say Janis: or didn't say anything if you've got nothing, whatever Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: you weren't having it when I had nowt to say Janis: because I stupidly thought you might have Janis: if that's actually the case then sorted Janis: no worries Jimmy: same page then, us Jimmy: 'cause what have you said? Janis: Sorry, multiple times, thanks as well Janis: and I've been trying to talk and you keep shutting me down with bullshit Jimmy: yeah alright, it's my fault that I don't wanna hear that bollocks Janis: how the fuck would you know what I'm going to say, you haven't let me say it Jimmy: it were you who said you've got nowt else but sorry Janis: believe whatever you like Jimmy: it's a copout for dickheads who don't wanna really 🗨 Janis: no it ain't Janis: if I owe someone an apology, I say it Jimmy: you might as well say piss off or leave it out, that's what it means, I wanna crack the fuck on as if this didn't happen Janis: I know I should've given you more warning Janis: and I wanted to, but I didn't Janis: so I'm not going to keep telling you all the things I wanted to do or should've Janis: what's the point Jimmy: the point is that you don't need to keep chucking me a word that's just shut up and take my excuses Jimmy: 'cause they aren't, you did what you had to Jimmy: more fake bollocks is only that, fuck all use to me or you Janis: I'm not being fake Janis: I only lied when I weren't here to make being honest worth something Jimmy: it were worth something before Janis: now it ain't Jimmy: that a ? or ! Janis: closer to a ? but you've already answered it Jimmy: the only question worth bothering with is if you're alright and you've still not answered that Janis: I'm here ain't I Jimmy: not what I asked though Jimmy: I'm here an' all, don't mean I'm 😁 about it Janis: that's the point Janis: how can I look like anything but a spoilt brat when you want to go just as bad but you can't Jimmy: Do you need somewhere to stay or what? Jimmy: while I'm stuck here you can Janis: no I can't Jimmy: you heard me just say you can Jimmy: not a bloody me vs you for who's more 🎻🎻 Janis: I've had worse new years Janis: if you can believe that Jimmy: me an' all 💔 as missing that party were Janis: yeah Janis: Grace didn't go either Janis: 💀👑💬 Jimmy: just come over if you need to, fuck's sake Janis: how's that gonna work then Janis: on any level Jimmy: you pick if you want the sofa, a bed or the trampoline and then you go 😴 on it Janis: alright, I've got a vague idea how sleeping works Janis: 1. your dad exists 2. so do your siblings 3. and you, soz to put you last as per Jimmy: 1. but he don't matter 2. they've been waiting for you to wheel your suitcases in since they heard about you existing 3. why would I offer if I were bothered about having you about Jimmy: had worse people under the same roof Jimmy: @ every Sharon Janis: 'cos that's the low bar I wanna step over Jimmy: I'll compare you to my ex if you'd rather Jimmy: what could be more #goals Janis: why else would the kids be expecting it Janis: good for that too Jimmy: 👍 Janis: anyway, you do realize we'd have to fake it like 24/7 Janis: I'll figure something out Jimmy: who for? Janis: 👦 Jimmy: he's not gonna @ anyone Jimmy: 🐕 might Janis: yeah he will Janis: on the tin can to say the wedding is SO off Jimmy: I'll let you in when he's 😴 if you're that 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: I'm not scared Jimmy: you know where I live, Jasmine, make up your own mind Janis: can I say thanks or will you get fuming again Jimmy: piss off Janis: thought so Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: I reckon my grandparents might let me stay Janis: I haven't spoke to them yet so we'll see, yeah Jimmy: alright Jimmy: give me a bell on the tin can 📞 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: or get Gracie to tell me, if that's your new favourite method Janis: 😒 Janis: come on Janis: needs must Janis: didn't have your number Jimmy: won't spread it about that you didn't memorise it soon as I gave it you Jimmy: be a right mixed message for the fans after all your tweets and that a bit ago Janis: I'll tattoo it on a digit I can stand to lose if you want Janis: made the emergency contact list a while back Jimmy: what's the plan, dramatically 🔪 the little one off next time you break a 🤞? Jimmy: very 🎭 Janis: alright Bill, put him back on Janis: I went off script, so shoot me Janis: make you feel better Jimmy: do what I can to rein him in but it looks like he's missed you Jimmy: or the back and forth at any rate Jimmy: just me and him's a bit Janis: glad someone has Jimmy: offered you a 🐕 and 👶's full attention but you didn't fancy it Janis: not what I said Janis: aren't meant to take someone up on their offer when it's too much Jimmy: weren't offering to chuck everyone else out and give you the 🏠 Jimmy: calm yourself down Janis: thank god Janis: makes it all alright Jimmy: you're making it weird Janis: how am I Jimmy: it's just somewhere to go Jimmy: nowt else Janis: yeah, I know Janis: I'm not saying it means anything more than it does Jimmy: it's too much were what you said Janis: like, you don't know what you're offering, not too much like I don't think it's 👍 that you did offer Jimmy: what about not thinking I were thick a bit ago? Janis: I don't Jimmy: then how do I not know what I'm going on about Janis: Okay Janis: if I need a place to crash, I'll make sure I 💬 you first Jimmy: 👍 Janis: What are we going to do about Lucas though Janis: that's what's really important Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Janis: 🤔 Janis: it's tricky, don't want to extend the time spent Janis: but we need to make it as 😈🔥 for him Jimmy: we can hack 💀👑's 🎄 don't get more 😈🔥 than that Janis: ugh, should've got him a present Jimmy: still time Janis: you got art today? Janis: make him a bowl for his keys Jimmy: 💔 I don't do woodwork, could've knocked him up a tie rack Janis: missed a trick Janis: I've got bio Janis: could...bring him a dissected frog? Jimmy: could ALWAYS make him a ☕ Janis: you wanna be his favourite, I get it Jimmy: easiest way to get the ☠ in Jimmy: wanna be Bill's fav forever Janis: you are stuck with him for that long Janis: and 👔🏫 breath is already that bad so go for it Jimmy: what if he comes back as a 👻 an' all? Janis: he is bitter and can't let go of the ex Janis: tracks Janis: let me drain him Jimmy: I can't, he'll taste so bad Jimmy: not that fuming at you Janis: good to know Janis: I'm trying to remember what gets him 😤 😠 😡 🤬 on the scale Janis: beyond seeing me RUINED Jimmy: 🗨 Janis: yeah Janis: 🔊 and 📱 Jimmy: I'll do you some paper planes to go with your boat Janis: 🥇🤡 things Janis: that will piss him off, especially with your aim Jimmy: should practice my 🤹 you're right Jimmy: but there's nowt wrong with my aim, happens to every 👴 when they have a piss, that, shut up Janis: makes me want to move in right away Janis: 😏 Jimmy: job done Janis: your poor sister Janis: it's probably the only plus to having majority sisters Jimmy: don't @ her Jimmy: she ain't a fan of 🎻 Janis: bit weird Janis: if anyone is in her DMs chatting about piss she needs to 🚨 Jimmy: *🥊 Janis: that too Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: goes off the fuming scale an' all Janis: yeah, I know Janis: wasn't taking the piss Jimmy: funny Janis: ugh Janis: shut up Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you're an idiot Jimmy: still waiting for my 🏆 you keep saying it Janis: if you can piss into it I'll be impressed Jimmy: easy Janis: then I'll find you one Janis: don't do metalwork 💔 Jimmy: no point making you promise if you won't cut your finger off so 💔 right back Janis: when did I say I wouldn't? Jimmy: ages ago Janis: I was the one who suggested it Jimmy: sounds fake, that Janis: I told you I've got the needle, you bring the ink Jimmy: give us something to do that ain't writing whatever lines Lucas wants to read back when we've pissed off Janis: I dread to think how close to the bone he's gonna go Janis: I MUST NOT BE A MASSIVE SLAG Jimmy: closer than me with that needle Jimmy: don't tell Bill but I might rip off that film and write Lucas a 💌 Janis: 👸 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: that's you Janis: fuck off is it Jimmy: fuck off is it me Janis: 🏃 is me and I don't even want to be Jimmy: I forgot about him Jimmy: you can have that Janis: yeah, exactly, dickhead Janis: he's boring and he's got daddy issues Jimmy: I'll be the mute lass who you only 😍 when she takes her eyeliner off Janis: fits Janis: what you'd look like if you were a girl/one of your coworkers Jimmy: piss off Janis: tell me I'm wrong, 'cos you'd be wrong Jimmy: I'm saying nowt to you, dickhead Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: more 😍 than the gobby ginger, suppose Jimmy: If I leave it out with the dandruff desk 🌨 for my 🎨 Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: stop at the sugar sandwich Janis: That's alright Janis: know you're a fat bitch Jimmy: might start a fake pregnancy rumour but I'll make sure they know it's my 🥧🥔🍺👶 sharpish Janis: so not only am I lesbian, also got a dick Janis: 👌💡 Jimmy: Oi, never said it were yours, sir can step up and be a man after he's sacked Janis: well that's just rude Janis: stop pushing me out the picture dickhead Jimmy: you left, Jules Jimmy: we were all 💔🎻😭 Janis: I'm literally right here Jimmy: where's 💀👑? Jimmy: #scaleupdates Janis: 😣 hurting her head trying to work out why my sister didn't show Janis: 🤯 when she invents the story to tell the rest of the gals Jimmy: alright, and where's the physics classroom? Jimmy: I've got today's 🎨 for you, didn't bother to draw it on my desk so you might as well have it Janis: [classroom #] Janis: would've been gas if you picked up and stole the desk but she'll still be 😭 😤 Jimmy: hang on, I'll re-do it Janis: you can still give me the paper one Janis: as well Jimmy: for when some dickhead draws all over your face Janis: I don't know about that Janis: I just want it Jimmy: okay Janis: though I do look forward to seeing the charming contributions from the fans and the haters alike, obvs Jimmy: 😈 Janis: so many 🍆s Jimmy: [my idea is he's drawn her sleeping and adorable curled up on the sofa with Twix or something because of that bit of the convo so however long it would take him to redraw that on a desk and then he's bringing it for a casual desk swap lol hey everyone] Janis: [everyone SHOOKETH, the teacher like hello??? we'd wanna kiss him so bad but settle for a hug hun] Jimmy: [likewise his teacher and classmates ?? where you going boy] Janis: [the casual drama y'all have caused, love to see it] Jimmy: [that hug would be everything though] Janis: ['til you get separated for stealing tables and defacing them lollollol but seriously SO intense] Jimmy: [should we put him isolation for a bit to mean they literally can't see each other until detention and ramp up the tension?] Janis: [definitely] Jimmy: [we'll have other chances to do awks shared lessons I'm sure] Janis: [naturally, this makes better drama] Jimmy: [soz not soz to Mr Lucas for that vibe in detention] Janis: [you'll probably love it perv lmao] Janis: you got a spare 🔑? Janis: I'll let your dog out at lunch time Jimmy: [different locations where he's hidden them so Cass can't find and deliberately lose them all how she do] Jimmy: Tah Janis: fair's fair Janis: I'll 📸 so it's #goals Jimmy: 💀👑's story can't, she don't have enough fans Jimmy: hatewatch'll only get you so far Janis: [OBVIOUSLY publicly answering the DMs of what happened because we know the fans would and like OMG LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT 'cos probably getting so over-dramaticized as it do] Janis: I've got it Janis: [publicly name and shame Ella with an anon she clearly wrote like 👀 you] Jimmy: I forgot #2 were about Janis: didn't we all Janis: she survived xmas 😱 maybe they got her to eat a sprout Jimmy: 🤞 it were a 🥄 of horseradish Janis: if her oesophagus wasn't burning before Janis: #festivebants Jimmy: cracker pull heart attack or nowt, tah hun Janis: 👴💔 Janis: literally Jimmy: speaking of, this school got a nurse or just the therapist? Janis: think the receptionist knows first aid and that's your lot Janis: why? Jimmy: probably not 💡🥇 to chuck desks about Jimmy: but I'll live Janis: soz to hear that Janis: you can't really tell 'em, it'd be less of a decent excuse to go home and more of a let's talk about home 🙄 Janis: hang on Jimmy: @ Helena Jimmy: fact she ain't in here for dealing is a pisstake Janis: but actually though Janis: we've got PE next Janis: I'll get you some Jimmy: not just gonna let you in here, we're too starcrossed Janis: I can scuff a blister or two under the door as I walk past Janis: I'll just tell you when I'm gonna so you can walk to the bin or whatever the fuck Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: you be alright 'til then? Janis: she's too thick for physics and be a bit obvious if I run in and snatch her bag so Jimmy: lesson's near over Jimmy: dunno what took me longer, your hair or the 🐕's Janis: so nice, you Jimmy: yeah, I know Jimmy: loads of lads would've found a lass with shorter hair to be their muse Jimmy: or left it unfinished Janis: you're SO brave Janis: and I've got no scissors to hand so Janis: have to stay for now Jimmy: meant to be me being psychologically fucked by the isolation, girl Jimmy: no need to do yourself a wonky fringe Janis: 😂 Janis: as if Jimmy: stick with your Q&A Janis: you sent a question in? Janis: stay tuned Jimmy: 'course I have Janis: how 😍😍😍 have you been? Jimmy: you tell me Janis: [go answer that for the #fans] Jimmy: [obvs send her another one cos that bitch] Janis: [flirtbackandforthletsnotlie] Jimmy: [we've got a LOT of feelings but also walls up now honey, gotta keep it 'safe' and 'fake' lol lol] Janis: [ah the joys] Jimmy: these 💊s gonna make me 😴 or what? Janis: if you're lucky Janis: they shouldn't knock you out proper though Jimmy: that were your luck, Jenna Janis: know yours ain't as good Jimmy: 🌧🌧🎻 Janis: still get your head down Janis: only thing isolation's good for Jimmy: you done 🗨 to me then? Janis: nah Janis: not got your 💊s yet have you Jimmy: I meant when I have Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want me to stop talking to you? Jimmy: that's what I just asked you Janis: not really Jimmy: so what are you telling me to 😴 for? Janis: because you're in pain Janis: and must be even more bored than I am Jimmy: got no dickheads doing my head in, I'm #thriving Janis: true Janis: PE is going to be a joy Jimmy: I get that it goes against how 💪🏆🥇 you are but Jimmy: just don't go Janis: where will I go instead Jimmy: you know where the spare 🔑 is Jimmy: take you one sec to 🏃 there from here Janis: bit rude to you Janis: I go and have an actual 😴 Jimmy: the 🐕'll never let you Janis: but it might be 🏑 Janis: go for the shins Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna recreate my 🎨 Jimmy: pressure, that Janis: don't wanna be a bad imitation, of course Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge Janis: 'course I am Janis: cheek Jimmy: prove it Janis: fine Janis: got to get your stash first Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [do that and get going 'cos you know he wants to talk to you and so you obvs wanna talk to him too so we is] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: only need 1 at a time, remember Janis: or you will 😴 Jimmy: alright Janis: trust, they're good Jimmy: I remember you rated them when you stopped denying they were needed Janis: weren't gonna leave poor Helena is pain for the craic purely Jimmy: oh soz, didn't realise you rated her an' all Jimmy: chuffed for you that you've got a new best mate Janis: 😒 Janis: fuck off Janis: just don't want her to @ me with her back surgery bill Jimmy: she a 🧠 📖 an' all? Jimmy: SO much in common you two lasses Janis: fake date her then Janis: never catch her walking your dog Jimmy: with her back? do mine in trying to get her to do owt Janis: exactly, stop trying to palm me off onto her, she's shit Janis: and fakes injuries, which is #gal behaviour Jimmy: Bit late for Ella to crack onto her for #inspo Janis: probably say she's got back problems 'cos she's a fatty Janis: can't see it being 💕 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: alright, cupid Janis: bit early for that holiday Jimmy: can't help being a romantic Jimmy: written in the script Janis: some would call it hopeless Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: @ Bill with your criticisms, sweetheart Janis: not a criticism Janis: just observation, babe Jimmy: meant to be 😴🐕💕 you Janis: let me get in the door and walk the fucker Janis: why you want me to go sleep so bad? Jimmy: just open the door for it, don't matter Janis: It's alright Janis: literally my job Jimmy: 🐕 won't pay you Janis: freebie Janis: she'll tell her mates Jimmy: what mates are them? even our kid's toy one reckons she's a twat Janis: 😱 Janis: you bastard Jimmy: a lass who don't know her place, under this roof, she's got nowt but enemies, OBVS Janis: why you want me to come over Janis: one on side Jimmy: that'll be it Janis: 🐶📱 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: she's sweet really, just needs putting in her place Janis: sorry to out your lack of skills @iantaylor8 but multiple Sharons for a reason babe Jimmy: not something I'll get a 🏆 either Jimmy: you'll have to do it Janis: it's not hard, the basics like Janis: and you won't have to be all 😡 🤬 to keep it up either Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: @iantaylor8 Janis: if the impression was anything to go by Jimmy: it were 🥇 Jimmy: but if you're gonna do owt that'll make his life easier Jimmy: you know how the rest of the sentence goes Janis: I dunno if I'm so 🥇 I can get her to be 😇 for you lot and shit in his shoes still Janis: but I'll give it a go Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: just 'cos she's 😱 of him, don't necessarily mean she respects him most Jimmy: Bringing back all those memories of the good old days with my mum for him Jimmy: be a bit awkward when she pisses off an' all Jimmy: brb mate just going down the park Janis: all women are the same Janis: definitely don't look inward Janis: my dad and all his bitches and even more brats Janis: entrapment, every time Jimmy: not having a game of mousetrap, you prick, not that he's about for #familygamenight to get that top bants Janis: but he really TRIED to be there, apparently Janis: if he's that shit at it he's gotta have that many go's, not worth fuck all really Jimmy: won't 🤞 on meeting his 👻 Jimmy: have to give a shit for there to be unfinished business Janis: why bother when you can get a woman to do that for you and all Jimmy: if only I'd met Pete sooner to palm all ☕🎨 off onto Janis: If only we'd ALL met Pete sooner Janis: 💔 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Janis: I won't distract him from doing all your work 🤞 Jimmy: he's mine, back the fuck off Janis: that's how it is Janis: some mate Janis: and he's currently miss things so race is on Jimmy: the kind of mate who stops you 1. making a twat of yourself 2. getting a slaggy rep Jimmy: you're welcome, babes Janis: so you get to be the slag of the group? Janis: convenient Janis: jokes on you 'cos we all are some of us are just less obvious about it, SWEETIE Jimmy: DUH you were the massive virgin Lucas were grooming Jimmy: keep up with your own #narrative, hun Janis: fuck off Jimmy: as fake nice goes, not your best Janis: yeah well Janis: you ever actually heard them? Janis: pretty shit too Jimmy: can't deny that Janis: neither can they much longer Janis: can't wait 'til the big one snaps Jimmy: who's your 💰 on? Jimmy: Tammy's all 😭 tiktok mimes, be there til the bitter end Janis: be nice if #2 rose up and took her place as 👑 Janis: Bill would be thrilled Janis: probably Asia though, by accident Jimmy: 🗨 in the wrong chat one too many times Janis: exactly Janis: her next boyfriend is an actual undercover cop Janis: 🚨 Jimmy: #plottwist Jimmy: Oh Bill Janis: he don't know it's a bit 😬 to get a 15 year old with a 45 year old now, let him off Jimmy: WHAT?! IT IS! OMG Janis: you know your 💕 for Lucas is forbidden, babes Janis: that's what makes it 😍 DUH Jimmy: but not OURS! everyone's obvs gonna get #overit after a bit of murder Jimmy: 👴💔 Jimmy: fuming there's no happy ending coming WTF Jimmy: ???!! Janis: #awks Jimmy: least this 💊 is good Janis: 😁 Jimmy: I should be fake dating Helena, you're right Janis: now you know Jimmy: soz but 👋 Janis: at least make it convincing Jimmy: steady on, need my 🐕 walked first Janis: you can pay for it next time Jimmy: still mates rates though? Janis: is it? Jimmy: that's my question Jimmy: you gonna be too 💔😭🎻 about me and her or what? Janis: Helena, with her back problems? Janis: I think you 2 are made for each other 👴👵 Jimmy: 😁 Janis: SO happy for you Jimmy: Tah, Jolene Janis: 👍 Janis: enjoy your meds Jimmy: loving being able to breathe, like Jimmy: and thank god, 'cause who knows if she'll fancy a 💀💀💀 pact Janis: always a bonus, like Janis: you can convince her Jimmy: dunno about that Jimmy: only as inspiring as my muse, me Janis: a girl with a death wish is so hard to come by Jimmy: have to have the 💊💊💊 as my muse instead of her Janis: bit played out but what ain't Jimmy: yeah Janis: I'm glad they've helped Jimmy: how long'll it be for? Jimmy: easy 🎯for Lucas like this Janis: they've got better staying power than your average paracetamol Janis: but take the other one tonight and you should sleep well too Janis: I reckon GP might give you like a weeks worth, if you asked Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: me and the 🐕 if you've knackered it Janis: she's a 👶 Janis: more stamina Jimmy: how old do you reckon it is? Janis: you don't know? Janis: still under a year, definitely Jimmy: how would I? Janis: whoever your dad got her off should've told him, at least Janis: people lie sometimes though, you're not meant to take them before they're 8 weeks, at least Jimmy: might've, don't mean he's told me Janis: if he comes back for lunch I'll ask Janis: providing he doesn't 💀 me Jimmy: can't promise the 🐕'd save you Jimmy: but I would Janis: for yourself Jimmy: he don't get to 💀💀💀 you, no other dickhead does Janis: no one else Janis: that's the 🤝 Jimmy: ✔ Janis: better tell Helena Jimmy: not @'d her owt yet, it's alright Janis: let me finish my Q&A first Janis: look a bit stupid otherwise Jimmy: [obviously gonna send her more because we're in our feelings] Janis: [run to the 'fake' hens] Jimmy: [do we wanna bring up the kids party before the detention TENSION or after?] Janis: [ooh, hmm...I think after?] Jimmy: [break the inevitable awkward silence after how intense that'll be, makes sense] Janis: [and you'll have more of a reason to do it, like we KNOW you would anyway but it is flimsy at best so we'll give you that] Jimmy: [it's just tricky rn cos I want you to talk til then but don't wanna break the awks lol, oh lads] Janis: [it'll still be awks 'cos you've only seen each other so briefly actually IRL] Jimmy: [it's okay boy you can still have your guard up even if you accidentally get too feelsy] Janis: [we know the vibes] Jimmy: [not like it's never been a headfuck before or you've never gone back on anything so] Janis: [or won't have to again] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [do you wanna chat more or skip a bit?] Jimmy: [I don't mind if we carry on cos we've slayed it so far] Jimmy: Get Ian to make you a 🥪☕ if he's knocking about Janis: He ain't so far Janis: but I know where the kettle is Jimmy: 🐕'll have just the one sugar Janis: she don't need no more Janis: even after this epic game of fetch Jimmy: if your 💪 hurts I've still got this 💊 you can have Janis: ha ha Janis: save your breath and meds boy Janis: I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you don't want me to @ Helena for no more Janis: maybe I don't wanna go through her bag again Jimmy: long as I don't bring you any more desks, won't you need to Janis: 💔 Jimmy: we're all 💔 Janis: could've had a career in removals Jimmy: you could be a careers adviser Janis: wow, my dream Janis: thanks so much!!! Jimmy: get to hang about the staff room, know you'll love that Jimmy: 👔🏫💕 Janis: the happy ending we're all 💭 of Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: one of us'll get one Janis: you'll be well happy with your new missus Janis: 🥴 from all the 💊 Jimmy: not planning to use 'em for 💔 Jimmy: or get in that many 🥊 Janis: yeah Janis: but Helenas pretty annoying Janis: you'll need 'em Jimmy: never spoken to her before, no need to start now Jimmy: 💪🔇 type, me Janis: she doesn't know any sign Jimmy: good Janis: bit rude to teach me some and then ❌ me Jimmy: lessons don't have to finish an' all Janis: I will have to talk to Bobby Janis: after the wedding of the century, like Jimmy: and you said your cousin might need teaching Janis: that too, actually Janis: if nothing else she can call her mother a shithead Jimmy: don't need either of us for that, Libi'll sort it Jimmy: I'll still knock you some lessons now though, got nowt else on Janis: talk me out of all my roles, it's fine Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: how old's she? Janis: erm, gonna be 4 soon, I think Janis: she's never spoke Jimmy: I'll start with the proper basics, asking for owt she wants Janis: yeah, anything would be helpful Janis: got to be frustrating as hell Janis: thanks, by the way Jimmy: [sends her videos of him signing and pictures he's drawn of the hand gestures etc all that good stuff] Janis: they let you do that instead of Irish, yeah? Jimmy: if it were that easy it'd be a pisstake Janis: obviously, I mean that's cool though Janis: more useful than Irish, any rate Jimmy: you should ask if you can swap Jimmy: love's young dream Janis: yeah right Janis: they'd love that Jimmy: I get it, you're worried you'd look a twat not keeping up, but I won't let that happen Jimmy: not the kind of mate I am Janis: just don't reckon any teacher has got the goal of us spending more time together Jimmy: don't have a teacher, it's all online bollocks Jimmy: no other dickhead's got the same set of excuses as me Jimmy: or the new boy ✨ obvs Janis: the handicap of being English, yeah Janis: I hate Irish, so I could ask Janis: dunno if they'd go for it Janis: but 🤷 Jimmy: what were it you said about the shots you don't take? Janis: 🖕 Janis: deserved maybe but 🤐 Janis: you don't just wanna get out of teaching me yourself, by any chance? Jimmy: I like teaching you Jimmy: don't mean I'm any good at it Jimmy: got no coffee breath or shit ties Janis: it is essential to be 🥇 Janis: but you aren't bad at it Jimmy: do have enough sob stories to go on about, all sir were bothering with, we might be alright Janis: you're good Janis: showing Libi too Jimmy: What do you wanna 🗨? Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: Put me on the spot Jimmy: 🤏 Jimmy: but go on Janis: I could ask you to sign anything right now Janis: only got the 🐕 for company, here Jimmy: in isolation here, challenge accepted Janis: who they got 'keeping an eye' on you? Jimmy: Ms Burke Janis: they would Janis: slip her a pill if she manages to notice fuck all then 👍 Jimmy: she's already sedated herself, you can crack on with your request Janis: alright 🤔 Janis: how many go's do I get? Jimmy: how much do you wanna say? Janis: how do you say 'loads' Jimmy: [send that] Janis: [send it back like ta-da] Janis: what about 'fuck all'? Jimmy: [send that] Janis: [do that, swear words are always funny lol] Jimmy: [and always the first thing you have to find out yourself cos teachers don't want you to know] Janis: how would I say Janis: 'Janis is the best at everything' Jimmy: [signs it calling her a bighead instead but cos he's saying it at the same time she obvs knows even if he hasn't taught her before which he might have] Janis: oi Janis: bloody rude Janis: how am I meant to trust your teaching skills? Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: [do it properly though boy] Jimmy: I've just fingerspelt your name, Jules Jimmy: your sign name depends if you're talking to our kid or me Janis: might be handy to know my real name Janis: so I don't look like a total muppet Jimmy: [draws out the alphabet and sends it like see if you can do it] Janis: [give it a go, gal, do his as well] Jimmy: [show her how to do whatever adorable sign name Bobby has for you jimothy because you're his fave person ever and he would've thought of it as a bub] Janis: bless Janis: far as nicknames go Jimmy: [show her Ian's because it'd be so lowkey shady, casual bub sass] Janis: 😂 Janis: I'll deffo use that Jimmy: [show her yours for him which is obvs even shadier like that's the one I use] Janis: he must LOVE that Jimmy: about as much as when I call every Sharon mum Jimmy: would call him worse if I weren't mostly signing to a 6 year old Janis: Not your fault you're confused, tbh Janis: you can get out the really obscene shit now if you like, I won't clock half of it anyway Jimmy: [does obvs but without saying it too so she and Ms Burke can't clock it] Jimmy: probably meant to use the names our kid does any road as he's the deaf one but Jimmy: so creative, me Janis: got to make sure he keeps practising, yeah Janis: not the kid, obvs Janis: also some of that looked like you was having some kind of seizure, how gone is miss rn Jimmy: she'll be 😴 before either of us Janis: 🙄 and we actually need it Jimmy: you @ your nan yet or what? Jimmy: done some lessons for Libi an' all Jimmy: [send that through too] Janis: nah Janis: it's gonna be a whole conversation and I'm meant to be 😴 Janis: but I will show Libi those, and NOT the ones before, note to self Janis: needs no help with her filthy language Jimmy: 🎅 is still #SHOOK Janis: too #SHOOK to add her to the naughty list Jimmy: 😏 Janis: show me how to say some goals shit then Jimmy: [does] Janis: [do that back] Janis: what about 'I missed you' Jimmy: you did mean #goals, yeah? not Jimmy: I dunno 🤓 flirting Janis: you don't know when I'll need to flirt with a deaf nerd Janis: go on Jimmy: [show her] Janis: [do that with purpose hen] Jimmy: [we're all just in our feels trying not to die rn] Janis: show me something you wanna teach me Jimmy: [show her how to say please because there are so many saucy but also feelsy uses and connotations for that] Janis: [do it loads of times, like could be #bants could not be] Jimmy: you're good at that one Janis: 😇 Janis: manners are well important Jimmy: what about Jimmy: [do 'stay' because of course we are] Janis: [do it and combine the two 'cos duh] Jimmy: There you go, that deaf nerd ain't going nowhere til you're done with him Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: have to 🔎 one first but hey Janis: prepared now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bet that's something you could do, too Janis: teach that 💰 Jimmy: how many jobs do you reckon I've got time for, girl? Janis: I know Janis: I want to be able to move out as soon as I can though Janis: don't you? Jimmy: soon as I can ain't as soon as you Janis: right Janis: he's 6 Janis: rough Jimmy: it don't matter what I want Jimmy: or how 🎻🎻🎻 it is Janis: you reckon he'd ever let you have him, even a bit earlier Janis: after uni, or whatever Jimmy: only if it suited him Janis: yeah Janis: that's what you want? if you've got any say, hypothetically Jimmy: both of them away from that twat Janis: it gets your sentence down to 6 years Janis: instead of 12 Janis: still more than the 3 I'm 🤞 for but Janis: who knows where you'll be, might be somewhere less shite Jimmy: ⚰ Janis: no good to either of 'em then Jimmy: not meant to be my job though Janis: I know Janis: don't matter though does it Janis: like you said Jimmy: only to the orchestra Janis: he's not gonna be the 'kick you out at 18' type is he Janis: not whilst you're useful to him? Jimmy: answered that yourself, Jasmine Janis: stop him getting a permanent Sharon Janis: that's your main job then Jimmy: stops himself Janis: true Janis: loads of desperate bitches Janis: 🐶💕 Jimmy: he'll kick me out if my sister ever stops being as fuming as him Jimmy: makes for a shit babysitter Janis: yeah Janis: get that Janis: probably alright on that score Janis: if it ain't genetic, it's well ingrained Jimmy: tah for not saying hormonal like I thought you were gonna Janis: if I was alright with throwing that about, may as well join shit nan's church group and call it a day Jimmy: 💔 for the hot priest you won't Janis: she might see if he's alright to do an exorcism Jimmy: far as date nights go Jimmy: I'm chuffed with that Janis: don't remember inviting you to shout bible verses at me Janis: chuck some holy water about Jimmy: but I wouldn't miss it Jimmy: have to grab my long lens if nowt else Janis: 😏 Janis: keep you posted on if I'm saving my soul or nah Jimmy: 💌 Jimmy: my 📷s are in my room if you fancy a go Janis: fun Janis: and you're sure you've left nothing incriminating out, yeah Jimmy: sure I'm not bothered Janis: and I'm not a snoop Janis: ask my customer's owners Jimmy: chuck us their @s Janis: um Janis: soz, line went dead there Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: con- what- hello??? Jimmy: alright, dickhead 🏆 Janis: thank you Janis: 🙇 Jimmy: steady on Jimmy: never said I were that impressed Janis: disgusting Janis: get you in for the next exorcisms at this rate Jimmy: his and hers Janis: so #goals Janis: though she'll hear nothing of it Janis: you're a LAD and can do whatever you like Jimmy: *good 🙏 lad now Janis: so you say Jimmy: depending who's ? Janis: me, dickhead Janis: who else Jimmy: you know the answer, dickhead Janis: sign it if you're embarrassed Jimmy: piss off, nowt does Jimmy: you know that an' all Janis: 🤘 that Janis: ain't it Jimmy: what? Janis: 😈=🤘 Jimmy: right Janis: could be calling you 🐮 suppose but context Jimmy: 🐐🔪 bit of a step down for us Janis: so immature Janis: 👶🩸 or bust Jimmy: sounds like you're asking me on another date, that Janis: and? Jimmy: and alright, I'll find and kill a 👶 with you, obvs Janis: 😍 Janis: you always know just what to say Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: [does the thing about her being the best again] Jimmy: exactly Janis: [do his name like you too] Jimmy: dunno about giving me 🏆 for everything Jimmy: won't get out this door Janis: much as miss would love that Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: it's Ms, get it right Jimmy: Dead mysterious, her Janis: will not respect her pronouns, soz Jimmy: til she keeps a more decent bottle stashed none of her choices are valid, I get it, pisshead Janis: look, if she wants to let the married teachers know she's damaged enough to cheat, that's her lookout Janis: but miss and sir saves remembering their names and they need to deal Jimmy: 😂 Janis: please call me Ms Cavante from now on, tbh Jimmy: bit of roleplay Janis: 🤏 Janis: just gonna set you homework Janis: be dead disappointing Jimmy: know what you're like 🤓 nowt else were expected Janis: 😣 oi Jimmy: change my mind Jimmy: if you reckon I'm wrong Janis: easy Jimmy: to say Janis: wait and see Janis: Detention Jimmy: have to wait and see what ends up on my 📷 an' all Janis: yeah Janis: you can give me critique but Janis: you won't wanna Jimmy: make me sound like a right dickhead Jimmy: not working for the 🎨 department Janis: you only wanna be student? Janis: but you LOVE moonlighting as a professional 45 year old Jimmy: just don't wanna dress like miss for the roleplay, won't do nowt for either of us Janis: 😂 Janis: please don't Janis: I've left my fringe alone Jimmy: 🚫✂ Jimmy: not to use on yourself any road Janis: 😏 Janis: do you think that's an appropriate way to talk to a teacher? Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: that'll be why I'm in isolation though Janis: yeah, with MS Burke Janis: not me Jimmy: if we get rid of Lucas, detention is Janis: if I come back now before PE is over, I'll have time to prepare something Janis: a distraction Jimmy: did you have your 🥪☕? Janis: why? Jimmy: what do you mean why? Jimmy: before you go Janis: I'm good, don't worry Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: you don't need to ask Janis: I know how to get myself lunch Jimmy: you don't need to be a dickhead Janis: you neither Jimmy: I'm not Janis: alright then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I washed up, it's fine Jimmy: told you, the rubber gloves do nowt for me either Jimmy: not a #kinkunlocked Janis: not trying to be but I've not trashed your house if that's what you reckon Jimmy: what would I reckon that for? Janis: Dunno, what it sounds like though Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: not gonna do the 🐕 out of a job, she don't pull her weight as is Janis: she's asleep at the minute but no promises you won't come home to a disaster from her obvs Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: say night to her Jimmy: [signs it and sends that] Janis: she got that Janis: said night babe Jimmy: 💰 on you translating that one wrong Janis: um, you heard Janis: basically a dog whisperer Jimmy: save it for the fans Jimmy: that's the fake bollocks they 😍 Janis: how dare you Janis: not out here saying you make a shit cuppa Jimmy: 'cause I don't and you or her ain't that good at lying Janis: my biggest job atm is literally lying how am I not Jimmy: not about ☕💕 Janis: 😂 Janis: you've really taken personal offence yeah Jimmy: any northerner would do Janis: 💔💔 Janis: soz for disrespecting your culture Jimmy: you're not Jimmy: 😒🌧 Janis: I am Janis: so serious Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: that a dog whisperer secret? behave like the 🐕? Janis: rude Janis: just 'cos it's not racial don't compare me to a dog Jimmy: rude that you don't wanna be like your new best mate Janis: you're the one that wants a new bestie Jimmy: bollocks Janis: @ Helena Jimmy: @ her 💊s Janis: I can get you 💊s Jimmy: and I could get them myself if I were that bothered Janis: why are you getting rid of me then Jimmy: never said that Jimmy: to you or Helena Janis: don't Janis: we're still mates, aren't we Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I fucked up Janis: not very mates #goals Jimmy: I'm not 💔🎻😭 over missing the party, I said Janis: I know Jimmy: you can do what you like, it's nowt to do with me Janis: 'Course I can Janis: but a heads up would've been good Janis: not like asking for a lot, I'm not thick Jimmy: heard you had a lot on Janis: still Jimmy: you don't owe me owt more than you made Grace give me Janis: alright then Jimmy: didn't expect you to be gone that long but it weren't owt to make it look like you weren't, like we said Janis: and I didn't expect to have to take off that fast Janis: don't mean it didn't leave you in the lurch just 'cos it was unavoidable Janis: felt it, whatever Janis: so there, have it Jimmy: I don't want whatever 🏆 you're trying to give out right now Janis: it's not Janis: for me or you Janis: just what it is Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to accept a sorry but I do have to say it Janis: it's done now though so Janis: don't need to be 😬 Jimmy: if you mean it as you won't fuck up again, I'll take it Jimmy: it's just not what most dickheads use it for Jimmy: might be a northern thing an' all Janis: that's the goal Janis: promising as much would just be 👍 until proven bollocks and I don't wanna do that, fuck that Janis: but if I have to go again, I'm going to make sure I give you warning and whatever else would help it not be such a dickhead thing to do Janis: but 🤞 Jimmy: you're a dickhead, don't ❌ your whole brand, mate Janis: 😏👌 Janis: like being charming is yours Jimmy: when I have to go an' all, I'll be charming with the 👋 Janis: yeah Janis: is a bit rich but there you go Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you'll not be sending postcards to say soz Janis: and fat use if you do Jimmy: I'll be sending 'em for the 🎨 OBVS Jimmy: daily thing, that Janis: yeah obvs Janis: makes it alright Jimmy: it were you who told me to keep on Janis: just saying Jimmy: what? Janis: why am I apologizing? Jimmy: weren't me who said you had to Janis: well I'll take it back when you fuck off then Jimmy: why wait? Janis: 'cos I'm not a dick Jimmy: if you're gonna take it back then it don't mean fuck all now Janis: and yours won't mean nothing even if you sent it every day Janis: be even Jimmy: how do you work that out? Janis: 'cos you're going for good, don't matter how soz you may or may not be Jimmy: and you coming back don't mean you won't piss off again, might be for good an' all for all I know Jimmy: that's about you, when I go it won't be nowt to do with me Janis: 1. you want to go, that's not nothing to do with you, own it at least 2. yeah, I wanna be gone as well but that ain't why I left then, for fun Jimmy: 1. you don't know what you're going on about 2. I never said it were Janis: 1. it's all you've said since you've been here, that's what I know 2. pretty much did but whatever Jimmy: 1. what I've said is that I don't give a fuck where I am, every shithole is the same 2. you weren't thinking about nowt but yourself is what I meant Janis: 1. yeah, exactly 2. got to do what we've got to do Jimmy: yeah we do, they're got somewhere they wanna be and I don't, ignoring that would make me a massive twat Janis: it's alright Jimmy: It's not and I don't need you to chat bollocks to me that it is Janis: for you Jimmy: *for them Janis: nah, for you Janis: sorry I don't have younger siblings to give me a fake reason to live Janis: I don't have to be selfless, that ain't my fault you got no other choice Jimmy: I'm not gonna sit here and write you a massive list of who might give a fuck about you pissing off and why, fake or real Jimmy: there's a whole scale between being selfless and not being a fucking dickhead Janis: Good, be a massive waste of time for us both Janis: it isn't the same, so you don't get it Janis: they need you, no fucker needs me, end of Jimmy: you heard me say do what the fuck you like then Janis: I don't need you to say it but tah Jimmy: I got that you don't need nowt from me, don't worry Janis: be stupid to Jimmy: so call it off Jimmy: far as fake reasons to live go, you reckon I've already got mine Janis: you do it if you want Janis: why should I Jimmy: no fucker needs you, you said, if that's what you reckon, if this is all a waste of time, that's why you should Janis: because that's not why we're doing it Janis: it's to stop people wanting us Jimmy: Why did you even bother asking if we're still mates? Janis: why did you bother saying it in the first place? Jimmy: it ain't me who's going on as if I don't have an inbox full of dickheads Jimmy: if that's what you're doing it for 💔 for you Janis: not what I asked Jimmy: but there's your answer, I said we were mates 'cause we were Janis: that'll be why I asked then Jimmy: if nowt matters to you but your DMs, there's no need to ask Jimmy: make up your mind Janis: not what I've said at any point Jimmy: it's what you just said Janis: I said that's what the plan was about Janis: not that it's the only thing I've got or give a shit about, but thanks Jimmy: what it were about, yeah Janis: there's just Janis: fuck it Janis: need to get back for next lesson Jimmy: didn't need the update but tah for it Janis: whatever Janis: go away then Jimmy: see you in detention then Janis: hooray Jimmy: you can leave that out Jimmy: Lucas is the only one chuffed Janis: I can be as well Janis: all I care about, after-all Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: really Janis: what a revelation Jimmy: shouldn't be Jimmy: I've said it loads of times now Jimmy: 💀💀💀🐴 Janis: yeah, you're fucking annoying Janis: I knew that Jimmy: dry your eyes then, mate Jimmy: got lessons to go to Janis: fuck off Jimmy: you Janis: I just got back Janis: and you can't make me Jimmy: could do but I ain't THAT selfless Jimmy: soz to piss on your carefully crafted narrative Janis: what, that everyone hates me and wants me gone? Janis: not that tragic Janis: not being needed isn't being wanted 💀💀💀 Janis: it's not a sob story, if anything, makes this all a lot easier Jimmy: tah for spelling that out for me Jimmy: now I can FINALLY get my head round it I'm BEYOND chuffed for you Janis: yeah, make it more convincing next time around Janis: that you understand, that is Janis: don't need your blessing either, OBVS Jimmy: if there were anyone around I might bother Jimmy: don't need your 🏆 Janis: fortunate Janis: be a real shame Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: just like that, yeah Jimmy: no need for 👏👏🌹 either Jimmy: it's all the same bollocks Janis: yeah, there's no need for any of this Janis: yet here we are Janis: deal with it or do something about it Jimmy: do it yourself Jimmy: I've got enough to deal with, my sob story that you keep going on about as if you've got it all memorised Janis: and? Janis: I don't give a shit, do I, 'cos all I care about is myself Janis: not mates, never were Jimmy: and I don't need you tell me I've got no fucking choices Janis: I'm not Janis: I'm not telling you anything, or trying to for that matter Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [we better skip honey] Jimmy: [oh this detention] Janis: [oh lawd, in a mood now] Jimmy: [the 😒 isn't just his face rn honey] Janis: [just sassing into this room they've had you in all day boy, by sassing I do mean storming lbr] Jimmy: [whatever he's meant to be copying out we all know he's really doing v unflattering pictures of Mr Lucas because how we be feeling rn we don't care how much trouble we get in or what happens] Janis: [the lecture you're gonna get about ruining the school trip like it weren't a million years ago, like let it go babe] Jimmy: [we've lived a whole rom com life since then sir so obvs Jimothy is just 🙄 feel free to give him a lecture about that if you want hun] Janis: [we know the way neither of you gives a single fuck is gonna infuriate him so much, also saying she sits in front of Jimmy so she doesn't have to look at him] Jimmy: [make him have to look at your hair and the temptation of having her back to write on, love that] Janis: [mhmm, did that on purpose, at least we know full well Lucas is the type of dickhead to be like ooh you had a lovers tiff 'cos they're both in such a mood so it gives us an excuse to have to fake a bit like fuck you] Jimmy: [what an absolute dick, we all know the type] Janis: [think he's being bants 'cos everyone always takes the piss out of him and own back but no, really obviously passing back a note that's SO extra and lovey-dovey but also talking about what a loser Lucas is] Jimmy: [send the drawings with the reply you do because she'll enjoy them even more now that he's being SUCH a dick] Janis: [the laugh we're barely stifling like hope you have to come and look at these hun but also they'd be genuinely funny] Jimmy: [also shamelessly passing her gum or sweets or whatever we have that we're not meant to be cracking out now like love you gal] Janis: [blowing bubbles with the gum to be that bitch like we know you're gonna begrudgingly have to stop her 'cos you're such a perv] Jimmy: [glad Jimothy can't see that from his angle because how distracting] Janis: [can see when we go to the bin to take it out and we spit it out just as suggestively, maintaining eye contact and winking like it hasn't been a million years] Jimmy: try not to die boy because that would get to you under any circumstances never mind these when it has literally been the longest you've not seen each other since you started this] Jimmy: [obviously gonna maintain the eye contact like it's nbd but] Janis: [coming back and doing that thing where you like hold and stroke their cheek as you turn to sit down like so casual] Jimmy: [the restraint it would take to either not make a SOUND or flinch away when she did that which are obvs his two conflicting urges, but what we actually do is play with her hair as she does that like it's a choreographed scene and in the hopes that she'll then be in the same boat as he is] Janis: [obviously we are, even if our flinch reflex is out because we're proving something here, leaning back in your chair so your head is practically on his desk and he can keep playing with your hair, at least until you're told to stop then the most dramatic UGH like ffs sir living my best life here] Jimmy: [playing with hair until that last possible second because 1. it's a fave 2. it'll annoy sir 3. it's something you're so used to doing and can get lost in as if it hasn't been a million years/everything isn't so shit rn] Janis: [gonna go some texts 'cos also duh and if he does see it'll annoy him, even if it means losing your phone for the duration when he do] Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: [a selfie doing it because it'll annoy Lucas that he took one if he sees and also like I know you can't see my face rn and you're so gutted about it] Janis: you're so hot Janis: [such a dramatic wistful sigh 'cos trying to get caught, nothing more OBVS, but Lucas is probably trying to ignore you two now like stop it] Jimmy: you Jimmy: [and obviously an even louder one back that's of course only for the same reason lol] Janis: [just play a lowkey game of boogeys with that which could get so indecent lmao] Jimmy: [Sir is gonna need a minute ™] Janis: [truly lmao, we're just trying not to crack up 'cos it's so serious of course] Janis: wish we were in here alone Jimmy: [write out a saucy little scenario for what you would do if you were that I honestly hope Mr Lucas will see at some point because OBVS that's the only reason we're saying any of this yep] Janis: [step it up sir, when you've got an hour of this and you wish you'd never bothered lowkey loooooool] Janis: I know a way, if you really want it Jimmy: ? Janis: Maybe I should make you wait for it though Janis: [not wanting to send texts that don't sound real/flirty rn 'cos the goal is him reading them, obvs, but trying to get across like do we ACTUALLY wanna be alone or nah] Jimmy: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: I probably won't get away with another selfie Janis: That's good Janis: how could I say no to that face Jimmy: or owt else in my 📷 roll Jimmy: there's loads of really convincing shit in there Janis: his rant did remind me Janis: of how many 📷 we took on the trip Janis: and the ones we didn't Jimmy: feels like ages ago Janis: too long Jimmy: when's the next one? Janis: [ask Lucas for his HA! of a reaction] Jimmy: [we loling because we shall openly mock you and your lack of authority sir, don't give a fuck] Janis: [honestly, like okay babe, looking forward to all the team building and shit] Janis: you'll still wanna be my partner by then? Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know how I feel about that Janis: I like when you tell me though Jimmy: 👀 or 🗨? Janis: show me yours I'll show you mine Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: [make a big performance ™ of writing on her back so Lucas can't fail to notice but we don't actually have to say anything we're probably just drawing a 🏆 or something like well done for this 'fakery'] Janis: [acting like that tickles way more than it ever actually has and going to turn like you're gonna make out or something but obviously getting stopped and probably moved a few desks away or something] Jimmy: [waits until she's been moved and then 'accidentally' spills a shit load of water everywhere like oops must be because I'm so distracted rn relatable isn't that sir and then the whole rigmarole of having to sort that out would make Lucas be fuming like he's either gonna have to also move Jimothy or leave to get shit to clean that up with] Janis: [probably just trying to move him and then being like NO SIR THAT'S A SLIP HAZARD like we are so concerned and how dare you at least get a wet floor sign] Jimmy: [off you go dickhead, give them a minute to breathe and be real but also an excuse to have to make out or something which is perfectly timed for your return] Janis: [should say something creepy about them seeming like they want him to see because the looks you'd give him/each other are sending me] Janis: think he's actually having a break from reality Janis: 😕 Jimmy: get the school therapist on the 📞 Janis: might leave you alone then Janis: 😡😡 Jimmy: be nice if everyone would Janis: [asking Lucas if he knows the school therapist lady in such an obvious way like she's trying to matchmaker them] Jimmy: [chiming in because #teamwork honey, I'm sure Lucas is shooketh because this is probably the most Jimmy has ever said] Janis: [casually a bit terrified, bless but not at all sorry] Jimmy: [I like to think from where she's sitting now they can send each other so many LOOKS but also looks like oh sir] Janis: [for sure] Janis: wanna be impressed? Jimmy: depends if you mean by you or sir 😏 Janis: oi 😂 Jimmy: go on Janis: I bet you I can get us out of here for good in the next 15 minutes Jimmy: and if you don't? Janis: You get whatever you want, of course Jimmy: can't lose Jimmy: I'll be timing you Janis: [having a text back and forth with someone that ain't him obviously and then waiting] Janis: [so my idea is when she was coming back into school she keyed his car up and has now text Sophie who's in some kind of after-school club to go to the office and tell them she's just found it 'cos she's quite good so we're not suspecting her of doing it then going to inform them, so someone from the office coming in within this timeframe to be like um hey 'cos he probably has some wanky mid-tier sports car and will be FUMING] Jimmy: [LOVE THAT] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING (lbr when are we not) at him when Lucas has run out in a fluff like ta-da 'cos had that planned since we came back baby and now they can just leg it 'cos he's distracted as hell] Jimmy: [THE LOOK he would not be able to stop himself giving her because that's impressive as hell like he'd honestly probably also go to kiss her and then be like -] Janis: [casually not moving or breathing for ages like he might still do it, as if he didn't just stop himself, but then going in her bag and pulling out a hoodie that is not his but Ian's and handing it back 'just in case the CCTV caught shit' and shrugs like we know it didn't but may as well look like a middle-aged dude if not] Jimmy: [chucking it back at her and gesturing to wherever she keeps the lighter he gave her like feel free to burn it because fuck Ian] Janis: ['was on the back of a chair' like don't think I've gone through his wardrobe or something weird 'knew it weren't yours' and such a face feel the shade sir, offering it out for a bit longer but nods and takes it back like alright, makes no difference to me] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling at the shade face in spite of everything because it's so important and makes you so happy and relieved that she's always been on your side about him] Janis: ['maybe he'll think it was Ian, kill the bromance' like we're just talking not to be awkward now 'cos you know you could just walk out] Jimmy: [does an IRL 🤞 but crosses her one over the other instead of doing it with his own because we just have to touch her to prove we can and it's fine after the near kiss] Janis: [such a wary smile 'told you I'd show you' in a quieter voice than we've been using but not quite whisper level] Jimmy: ['yeah' likewise soft about it] Janis: [going to walk but not just going, like are you coming or] Jimmy: [obvs we are and we do and we're lighting both of us a 🚬 as soon as we can because she's earnt that] Janis: [just smoke that in silence 'cos at least we know how to do that] Jimmy: [mhmm, though he would go to say something at least once] Janis: [trying not to be too !!! but obviously we want him to say something, doing a feelsy lean as we walk like what] Jimmy: [obvs we're doing it back because always 'can we just-' what boy] Janis: ['yeah' like whatever it is, we can 'cos sincerely mean that] Jimmy: [looking at her like lowkey 😍 lowkey amused because we know she means it even though she doesn't know what we mean and like when does anyone ever care or support us like this] Janis: [pushing him really gently with our next feelsy lean like oi, 'cos you're aware it sounds a bit thirsty but you don't actually care so 😏 'you know I've got nothing else on, why not'] Jimmy: [pulling her as gently closer to him because we just can't help ourselves and taking a big breath likewise because this is all so hard having abandonment/trust issues but also loving/missing her as much as we do] Janis: [speaking really quietly 'cos proximity but also we must 'cos we're so unsure of what to say or do in terms of fixing anything 'I probably said some things I shouldn't have?' as a question not to be annoying but like we truly wanna know as is our confusion but hugging him like earlier 'cos must] Jimmy: [a lil scornful noise an himself like hard same babe 'me an' all' and after he's hugged her for the longest time ever writing 'you' on her but then putting a line through it like it's not your fault 'I'm the dickhead'] Jimmy: [*at] Janis: [shakes her head 'call it a draw, just this once' like we're both 🥇 on this score, going to explain loads of times but the complex emotions never mind the story that's so involved lowkey so we just don't, enjoying being near him again like it's all new 'cos it's been so long] Jimmy: ['I meant what I said before, alright' does not elaborate for what would feel like ages excuse him 'if you need to stay at ours, you can, the rest is just...' trailing off because we obvs mean is not as important as being safe etc] Jimmy: [but we can't say bollocks because it's not] Janis: [just waiting for that like what what what then softening when he does say it 'I know you meant it' and squeezing his hand like !!! thank you but we're not gonna outright be like yes absolutely 'cos we feel like it's not even that bad, even though we HATE being home there's not like a valid enough reason because shit nan isn't always there or whatever] Jimmy: [hug her again but then obvs your feelings are too high so you're like 'I should-' and nod in the direction of your house boy, like remember those siblings I have no choice but to look after] Janis: [straighten up like 'right' but not trying to come across as disappointed as we are 'cos not that bitch so smiling 'got catching up to do with customers as well'] Jimmy: ['piss off then' but soft not like fuck you bye] Janis: [waving like bye as you go but 'see you later?' just as you're about to 'round a corner or whatever] Jimmy: [I love that he's the one who said he should go but has lowkey not moved LOL just a look like do you wanna see me later as if that's not obvious] Janis: [stopping like you really not gonna answer, as if this whole street is watching and waiting lol] Jimmy: [signs 'see you later' like we're so put upon but we're clearly amused] Janis: [does it back best we can but does 'I missed you' 'cos got that down] Jimmy: [we wanna do it back but feels are getting too high again so we just nod like well done gal you have got that down and do whatever 🤓 is instead] Janis: [🖕 but in a bants way and you must go now] Jimmy: [😏😘 because we love it but yeah fuck off both of you please]

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d-noona · 4 years

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MAKE OVER

Chapter 6: Euphoria

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

After seeking help from one of Taehyung and Jimin's recommendations for her make up tutorial Hyeonji took several lessons with Seokjin. He was a splendid man who had a face of an angel who taught her to differentiate a blusher from a bronzer.

Hyeonji was practicing her daytime make-up routine the following Sunday morning when the telephone rang. "Can you answer that, Mum?" she called out.

There was no reply and the phone kept on ringing. Hyeonji suddenly remembered that her mother had gone down to the corner store to buy the Sunday papers. Carefully, she put down her new mascara wand then hurried downstairs to sweep the receiver.

"Hi there," she said breezily.

"Hyeonji? Is that you?"

Her heart caught the sound of Hoseok's voice, reminding her forcibly how much she loved this man. The realization wrenched her momentarily out of her newly found optimism, bringing her down to earth with a thud. But then she regathered herself, her spirits lifting with the thought that Hoseok was actually calling her. That was a first!

"It certainly is me, Hobi. Don't I sound like me?"

"Actually, no...you sound different, somehow." He replies.

"Really...?" Well I look different too, she was tempted to add, but didn't want to spoil the surprise when he eventually saw her in the flesh. "Sorry. It's just the little old me," she went on, smiling to herself. Her height was one thing she simply could not change. Though the four-inch heels she'd tried on yesterday and which would buy shortly certainly gave her a taller view of the world. "So to what do I owe the dubious honor of you call?"

"Are you being sarcastic?"

Hyeonji chuckled at the shocked tone of his question. "Who, me? Never!"

"Have you been drinking?" he sounded almost crass. "This early on a Sunday morning?" it was five past ten. "Which brings me to a repeat of my question. Why are you calling me?"

"What? Oh, I um...I'm on my way to help Mother move some furniture around. She's decided she's bored with the layout in the living rooms. Actually, I think it was just an excuse to get me home and feed me up. Anyway, I thought of you saying the other night that you don't get fed properly at home, and I was wondering if you'd like to join us for lunch."

"Join you for lunch," she repeated, swallowing convulsively and immediately going blank. "You don't have to sound so thrilled," came his testy remark. "I realize I'm not your Mr. X but I've always thought you enjoyed my company."

"Oh, but I do!" she hastened to assure him. "I mean, I...I..."

"You have something else on? Is that it?"

Hyeonji tried to pull herself together. It was the shock, which was all it was. She glanced in the wall mirror above the telephone table and nerves immediately besieged her. Would Hoseok think she looked fantastic when he saw her? Might he be inspired to ask her out on a date, like Jungkook had? A real date?

"No, nothing else on," she said at last. "And I'd love to join you and your mother for lunch. Would you like me to help you move the furniture as well?"

"Would you?"

"Love to. Make-overs are my thing this week," she says.

"What?"

"Nothing," she muttered, and wished she were more confident of Hoseok's reaction to her own make-over. "I'll come see you in about fifteen minutes, then. Just come over when you see my car."

"But...but..."

"Look, I'm ringing you from my mobile and I'd better hang up before I get into trouble."

He hung up and Hyeonji groaned into the dead receiver.

Fifteen minutes. Oh God...

With a shriek, she dropped the receiver back into place and dashed upstairs, throwing open her wardrobe and searching for something Hoseok might like. No pants, she reminded herself, and past over the cheap tights and track suit pants she lived around the house. Her eyes went to the black crop top she'd bought the previous day, the only item of clothing she could afford.

But she had nothing to go with it. In despair, she pulled a pair of white shorts, though bought two years back when she'd been larger, she never actually got around to wearing the thing since it didn't fit her then. She tried on the shorts, looking at the mirror it hugged her bottom nice and tight. It looked good. Plus it was too hot for jeans, and she didn't have enough time to find anything else.

Ten minutes had flown since Hoseok had called. Shoving her feet into tan sandals, Hyeonji spun round to the dressing-table to finish her make-up, but her hands were shaking so badly she had to abandon applying mascara. Fortunately, she'd already done her eyeshadow and eyeliner, adding enough depth and definition to her eyes for casual daytime wear. She had a light powder on and cheek tint were in place. All that was left to do was her lip tint.

This last thought sent Hyeonji's pulse racing. There was only one man she'd want to wake up with in the morning with her make-up still intact. Somehow, the red lip tint found its proper place without wondering all over her face. It gave an impression of a plump luscious lips.

She did a quick brush of her hair, several deep, steadying breaths and she was ready. Just in time, too, for when she leant across her bed to glance through her bedroom window she was greeted by the sight of Hoseok's new red car coming up the hill.

Her stomach tightened another notch, her heart pounding. One last glance at her shorts and crop top brought a grimace of and another flicker of doubt. The last thing Hyeonji needed at that moment was to come downstairs and be met with her mother's open scorn.

Zil walked in the front door just as Hyeonji approached it. "And where do you think you're off to with your face all done up like a dog's dinner? No. You don't have to tell me. I can guess. I saw his car pass by as I walked up the hill, and you're running straight over to parade yourself in front of him. Dear heaven, but you're a fool, Kang Hyeonji! That girlfriend of his would still run rings around you for looks and style. You can tart yourself up all you like and it won't make a blind bit of difference. Not where Hoseok is concerned. Of course there are other men around here who aren't so particular. Not that they ever marry the girls they ask out."

For a few seconds, Hyeonji's confidence in her appearance wavered. But she'd come too far to allow anyone to undermine her newly found self-esteem. Not that her mother's nasty comments hadn't hurt.

"Maybe I'm not in Tinashe's league in the looks department Mum," she said, her voice shaking with emotion. "But I still think I look pretty good. And I'll have you know I'm not running over there to parade myself in front of Hobi. He rang me while you were out and asked me over for lunch. It seems that he and Tinashe have broken up. Maybe I don't stand a chance with him, Mum, but that's no excuse for your trying to put me down like that. It was mean."

To give her credit her mother looked shocked, then stricken with remorse. "Oh, Hyeonji... I... I... Oh, dear. Oh, I'm so sorry. I... I just don't want to see you hurt..."

"Then stop hurting me," she countered, sweeping out of the house before her mother could say another word, anger propelling her down the front path. As she stalked out onto the roadway and turned right, Hyeonji indulged in some none too ladylike mutterings.

"My, my," drawled a male voice. "Does that brand-new temper come with the brand-new hair?"

Hyeonji scudded to a ragged halt, her eyes whipping up to see Hoseok leaning against his open car door, watching her. His eyes immediately narrowed on her newly made-up face, then lifted to once again take in her new crowning glory. She couldn't tell if he approved of her transformation or not.

"You...you don't like it?" she almost groaned after a few seconds silence, one hand flying up to touch her hair in that age-old feminine gesture which invited reassurance. Hoseok straightened and slammed the cardoor before glaring back her way. "Don't be ridiculous. What's not to like? You look fantastic. But I think you already know that, don't you?"

Hyeonji glared back at him. So much for Hoseok being bowled over her sudden beauty. "I only did what you suggested the other night," she defended hotly. "True. But honestly I never expected you to do it. I guess I underestimated the power of your Mr. X. So...has he seen the new hair yet?"

Hyeonji bristled, then lifted her small chin too at Hoseok straight in the eye. "Yes, he has, as a matter of fact."

"I suppose he said you looked fantastic."

Once again, Hyeonji was spurred on to play an ironic game with the truth. Somehow, it soothed the pain of Hoseok's ongoing blindness. How could he not guess? She agonized inside. Couldn't he see her love for him?

"Actually they were his exact words," she tossed back coolly. His frown was instant "Where is it that you see this...Don Juan?" he demanded to know. Hyeonji smiled a darkly devious smile. It amused her that Mr. X didn't favor with Hoseok. If only he knew!

"Oh he lives nearby, and I run into him from time to time. But as I said before, my love life is really none of your business, is it? Now shouldn't we be going inside to help your mother with the furniture?" she went on with more forcefulness than was usually her nature. "Time is wasting, you know, and I have to get back to practicing my new make-up before the working week begins. I aim to knock their socks off tomorrow morning."

He threw her an incredulous glance, then shook his head "They say women change their personalities when they change their hair color. I'm beginning to believe it."

"Oh? Did you know Tinashe before she peroxided her hair? Was she a sweet little thing before she became a bottle-blonde?" raising an eyebrow at Hoseok. "We're not talking about Tinashe here, Miss Sarcasm. Which is exactly the sort of thing I'm referring to. You were never one to be bitchy before. Neither did you go around swearing under your breath."

Hyeonji places one hand on her waist then looks at Hoseok straight in the eyes "Maybe you just never heard me before. Maybe you don't know the real me at all, Hoseok. Maybe you've never stopped to smell the flowers."

"Stopped to smell the flowers? What in the hell has my stopping to smell the flowers got to do with you turning into a shrew?" says the infuriated man. Hyeonji laughed while Hoseok scowled. It was that moment when his mother opened her front door and came onto the porch to stare over them.

Mrs. Jung was a beautiful woman. Somewhere in her late forties, she was tall and slender, intelligent brown eyes and a shimmering black hair which fell to her shoulders in a stylish bob. Unlike her son she obviously liked women in trousers for she lived in them. Today she was wearing a loose pair of fawn cotton trousers with a bright floral floaty over blouse.

She lifted her hand to shade her eyes from the sunlight, squinting down at this strange young woman with her son. Heyonji smiled with satisfaction when she realized Hoseok's mothers didn't recognize her.

"Hi Mother," Hoseok waved. "Be right with you. Hyeonji here is going to help us."

"Hyeonji?" his mother repeated, frowning.

"Hyeonji? Oh my goodness, it's Hyeonji! From next door!" she smiled at her. "Yes, it's Hyeonji from next door," Hoseok said as he pecked his mother on the cheek, then threw Hyeonji a dry look over his shoulder. "In a fashion..."

"I'm so sorry Hyeonji dear," Hoseok's mother directed at Hyeonji with an apologetic smile. "I didn't recognize you with that stunning new hair color and style. My, but it suits her, doesn't it, Hoseok? She looks like a different girl entirely."

"She does indeed," Hoseok said in a tone which had his mother raising her eyebrows at him before turning to take Hyeonji's arm. "Who did it for you, dear?" she asked as she led her inside. "I'm always on the lookout for a good hairdresser."

They stopped together in the tiled foyer while Hyeonji raved about Taehyung's abilities and moderate prices, till Hoseok finally interrupted. "Have I come home to move furniture or not?"

"Don't be rude, dear," Mrs. Jung told him dismissively. "The furniture can wait. It's not going anywhere. I'll just go put on the jug and catch up with Hyeonji here for a bit. I haven't had a good talk to her in ages. Remember when she used to come over every Sunday, Hoseok, and you would make her sit in your room all afternoon while you showed her whatever game you were working on that week? I used to think she deserved a medal for how patient she was with you. And how kind. Not too many girls her age would have bothered being friends with an egocentric computer nut like you, dear."

"I didn't mind, Mrs. Jung," Hyeonji confessed. "Truth is I enjoyed it though I can't say I always understood everything. Hobi's nothing short of a creative genius. I dare say he gets that from you."

Mrs. Jung smiled her pleasure at the compliment. "What a nice girl you are," she said. "But my son is no genius. Not in the things which count, that is," she muttered as she turned to walk down several steps into the sunken living areas of the house.

Mrs. Jung's home was roomy, split-level and messy, Hyeonji saw as she traipsed after Hoseok's mother. And it smelt like a tavern. Housework was clearly not a priority with Mrs. Jung. Funny. Hyeonji couldn't remember it being so unkempt in the old days.

"Sorry about the mess," Mrs. Jung excused with an unconcerned but elegant wave of her right hand. "My cleaner had to quit through ill health a couple of weeks back and I'm on a deadline for a book. I've been meaning to advertise for a replacement but haven't got around to it."

An idea popped into Hyeonji's brain "How much does a cleaner earn

"What?" Mrs. Jung asked in confusion. She repeated her question. Hoseok's mother slanted her a sharp look. "Do you know someone who might be interested?" Hyeonji hesitated "I might..."

"Your mother?" Mrs. Jung guessed, turning to put the kettle to plug it in. "Well...yes. Dad left her with a lot of debts, you see, and her pension doesn't go far. I suggested that we take in a boarder to help make ends meet better, but I don't think Mum liked that idea much."

"Why don't I go ask her, then, right now?" Mrs. Jung offered. "And while I'm at it I'll ask her over to lunch with us. I've got plenty of food. Meanwhile, Hoseok, load up the dishwasher for me, like a good boy, will you? If Hyeonji's mother's house is anything like her garden then she'll be horrified at the state of this place. Hyeonji, love, would you mind collecting the dirty glasses from the living room?"

Hyeonji was happy to. What a nice lady Hoseok's mother was. As soon as Mrs. Jung left, she whizzed around the living room, straightening it up a bit while Hoseok made clattering noises in the kitchen. When she came out with the last four dirty glasses he had just closed the dishwasher door and started a cycle.

"I'll wash this up in the sink," she said, and set to work straight away. Hoseok leaned against a nearby counter, his arms crossed his eyes thoughtful upon her, "When you say your father left debts behind, just how much debt do you mean?"

She sighed "A lot," Hyeonji admitted. "The year before he died, he took out loans against the house to finance his latest business venture, which went bust like every other one of his great get-rich-quick schemes. Unfortunately there was no life insurance to cover these loans. The repayments take nearly all my salary each week."

Hoseok straightened, his expression appalled. "But that's terrible! Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

"Why should I have? It's not your problem Hobi."

"Some best friend you must think I am," he said sharply. Hyeonji was astonished by his annoyance. "But I... I..."

"I want you to tell me exactly who these loans are with and what interest you're paying" he said sharply. "Why?" Hyeonji confused with what Hoseok was trying to imply. "Because I want to help you that's why. That depends if you'll let me, it depends on how much stupid pride you've got."

Her chin shot up. "I have quite a bit. And I don't think pride is stupid!"

"That's what I thought, so I could do one of two things. I could have my accountant look at these loans and see what's the best way to refinance them at the lowest possible interest. Men like your father always have to borrow at exorbitant interest rates because they're a credit risk. On top of that, interest rates have dropped lately. Alternatively, I could organize to pay off debts myself by giving you an interest-free loan. Either way, your repayments would be substantially less than they are now."

Hyeonji's face lit up. "An interest-free loan! Oh, Hobi, that would be wonderful! Simply wonderful!" but her face fell. "But they're not my debts. In a legal sense, that is. They're Mother's. She would have to sign any documents. And I don't think she would agree to your last suggestion. I mean... she might think it was funny."

"What do you mean funny?" he asks. "She might think there were strings attached to such an arrangement." Hyeonji replies honestly. However this left Hoseok with a confused look. "Strings? What strings?"

"Hoseok, don't be thick, please. Between you and me." Hoseok's shock was not altogether flattering. "She think I would demand you sleep with me in exchange for money? Why in God's name would she think such a thing?"

"Don't take it personally. Mum doesn't have a great opinion of men in general when it comes to sex," she said "My father was a womanizer, you know."

"No," he said slowly, that frown still in place. "I didn't know. You never told me. You never told me anything about yourself or your family." Now he was sounding frustrated.

"You never asked..." Hyeonji shrugged. "Well, I'm asking you now!" says Hoseok who is now irate.

"Why?" as she tilts her head and looks at him. "Why?" he immediately responds. "Yes, why this sudden interest?" Hoseok was taken aback, thoroughly exasperated. "Why must women make mountains out of mole hills? There is no mystery to my interest. Neither is it sudden. I've always cared about you, Hyeonji, I guess, I've been so wrapped up in my business going that I haven't had much time to think of other's problems. I suggest you put this change of heart down to my maturing at long last, of you have to put it down to anything. I did just turn twenty five."

"Yes I know," she said dryly. "I bought and lit the candles on your cake"

"You still haven't forgiven me for forgetting your birthday, have you?" he asked.

"I'll forgive you anything if you have your accountant get me some more money each week. I'm dying to buy myself some lovely new clothes to go with my new look. Believe me, Hobi, you can organize that refinancing business. I'll be your willing slave forever." He gave her a decidedly disgruntled look. "So I'm to be responsible for even more changes in my Hyeonji. Your Mr. X won't be able to resist you soon. Frankly I'm not so sure I want to send you into the arms of some good-looking bastard who's had oodles of women and who didn't appreciate the lovely person you were before you became a fashion plate."

Hyeonji was startled, then flattered by the jealous edge in his words. It occurred to her that inventing the mythical Mr. X was the best she'd ever done. She'd never had so much attention from Hoseok in her life. Suddenly, she was a reasonably attractive female, complete with her secret sexual obsession. The fact that the secret sexual obsession was Hoseok himself might have escaped him, but the concept of her madly in love with some good-looking Casanova clearly bothered him. Surely that had to be a reason to keep going?

"I don't think you're in love with this man at all," Hoseok pronounced abruptly. "From what I've heard, it's a simple case of infatuation. When and if he ever takes you to bed, you'll realize that. Men like him rarely live up to the romantic and sexual fantasies women weave around them. They're much too selfish to be good lovers."

"That's a very interesting theory," Hyeonji said thoughtfully. "And do you think you're a good lover, Hobi?"

"Me? We're not talking about me!" he grumbled irritably. "We're talking about lover boy here."

"I was just wondering," she said with feigned innocence. "After all, you confessed the other day to being selfish. And you just said selfish men weren't good lovers."

"Yes, well, there's selfish and there's selfish. I like to think I excel in anything I put my mind to. So yes, I think I'm a good lover. Are you going to argue the point, Miss Picky, or accept my word for it?" Hoseok says extremely annoyed.

Actually, I'd like a demonstration...

Hyronji thought with a quickening of her heartbeat. She stared first into Hoseok's beautiful brown eyes, then down to his equally beautiful mouth before letting her hopefully unreadable gaze drift down his even more beautiful body. Her own ached with longing for that body. It was a bittersweet ache, filled with delicious sexual awareness, yet framed with in a frustration so acute, she wanted to scream and shout and stamp her feet.

"I guess I'll have to accept your word for it," she managed to say, though her words were clipped. "I certainly won't be ringing Tinashe and asking her, that's for sure. The best thing you ever did was to break up with her."

"Break up with Tinashe? I haven't broken up with Tinashe. Wherever did you get that idea?"

"But the other night...you said..."

"I said we were having a trial separation. Actually it was her idea. She had some bee in her bonnet about my taking her for granted, which was probably true. So she told me she wasn't going to see me for a month, during which we were to have no contact whatsoever, even by telephone."

"I see." Hyeonji felt her brave and exciting new world tip out of kilter. "So when is this month up?" she asked, voice flat and heavy. "Next Sunday." He raked his hand through his hair. "And it can't come soon enough, I can tell you. This has been the longest, most frustrating four weeks in my life!"

Chapter 07

Masterlist

#BTS #BANGTANSONYEONDAN #BTSJHOPE #JUNGHOSEOK #JHOPE #myhome #YOURANGEL #BTSJHOPEXREADER #MAKEOVER #BTSFANFIC #BTSROMANCEFANFIC

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