#i am not coping very well but at least i have more books

[fox-guardian]

I am still thinking so hard about artist Jon.

Like. It's a hobby for him, purely, he doesn't plan to make money off of it. It's just for fun. He doodled a bit in his free time and then took life drawing classes in uni because Georgie insisted he needed to get out and do something more than studying so he. Kept studying. But just art this time.

He would describe his style as a kind of realism, but its definitely stylized in colors at least, as he's impatient and goes for bolder colors for lighting pretty early in his process so he doesn't lose the feeling of the piece, especially if it never gets finished. He wants to keep the vibes, just in case he wants to go back to it, so he doesn't forget.

He kinda falls of drawing after he starts at the institute, but I think during season 4 he picks it up again to cope with. Everything. He's not using his fancy drawing supplies since he doesn't have them anymore, just office pens and pencils. It's a lot of Martin, of course. But also Tim. He wishes he could ask Melanie to describe Sasha for him so he could try to draw her too, but he figures that wouldn't go down very well. Besides, telling his coworkers he draws is too much vulnerability anyway. Sometimes he even draws The Admiral, but he doesn't often draw animals so it never does him justice in his eyes.

Then at the safehouse, he works up the nerve and asks if Martin could sit for him for a bit. He doesn't need to pose or anything, just stay right there, Martin, keep reading that book, just don't move too much for a while, the lighting is perfect, he needs to capture it. He needs to map it with pen and paper. His phone camera could never catch the golden light on Martin's hair, and besides, the photo could lie to him later. But muscle memory and scratches in paper are harder to change, surely. He needs to record the moment like this. Hold it to his heart. Feel it in his wrist as he swipes strands of hair across the page, in his shoulder as his arm arcs down the curve of Martin's stomach, in his fingertips as he smudges the pigment he bought from the local craft supply shop to form a reddened cheek.

And Martin's cheeks are red. After everything that's happened, all the distance, his heart wasn't prepared for the intimacy of sitting before the man he loves being lovingly analyzed and having his likeness put to paper. It's exciting and agonizing at the same time, feeling eyes on him for hours as Jon stares down every curve, maps out every freckle, mole, and blemish. And when Martin sees the final image as Jon sheepishly presents it to him, he cries. He remembers feeling the fear of statement givers as he read their stories, living it through the words written. It was kind of like that, only instead of fear, he felt the overwhelming love pressed into every line on the page. Every stroke, every smudge, even tucked into the negative space, filling him up until it couldn't be contained, and he burst into tears. (Which worried Jon greatly until Martin reassured him with a hug and a kiss.)

He doesn't ask Jon to stop drawing him. How could he, when it was always with such love behind it? Not to mention Jon was getting back in the swing of it, oiling his rusty skills, and he was so happy doing it. But he will admit it was mildly mortifying seeing their home fill up with so many portraits of him, steadily increasing in their flattering composition. Jon was drawing from his imagination now that he had memorized most of Martin's form, and it was getting out of hand. He once caught a glimpse of a work in progress of Martin lounging and being fed grapes by cherubs. Good lord.

#ramblings with major #the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #jmart #artist!jon #this got out of hand. its fine. akdjsksjs

[kyupidos]

02/18/24’s delivery 🏹✉️ twisted wonderland

paper cranes and origami heartsヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ,ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ ;; summary. ‘your means of communication is now through two things—letters hidden within pages, and leftover snacks.’

part one. tit. dear messenger

characters. diasomnia : sebek zigvolt ;; romantic . 🖇️ tags. reader is gender neutral ( you/your ), reader is yuu, pre-relationship ( gettin there..? ), romantic fluff

📡 _a/n. chat am i cooked if i continually forget to write for the fic series that are piling up.. ( to the person who asked for a prt two..sorry it took literal months heueh )

— you began to visit the library even more often than you thought possible since then, with books by your side, and though you’d reread them all practically a hundred times now, it was always like a breath of fresh air. after all, though you hadn’t a clue who they were, and they certainly weren’t by your side at the moment, you had someone to talk to—a pen pal, if you will. a sincerely sweet one, at that.

— in your signature penned handwriting, your hand moved in sync with the way your leg bounced lightly in subtle excitement to be able to send another reply. some time had passed—you’d like to say some weeks, though, considering yet another overblot had occurred, and winter break was freshly over. you never do seem to get a break, do you? but at least, you have good friends to get you through it, for instance, the pen pal you’re trying to write a response to at this very moment. you tapped your cheek with your pen, trying to come up with a satisfying response though you know for a fact your pen pal doesn’t expect shakespearean from you.

— ‘that’s a nice way to interpret it, right? not like a tragic ending, rather..an open one? leaving it up to the imagination may be frustrating, but the imagination’s also where the magic happens.’

— recently, your conversations had been feeling more..organic, if you had to describe it. almost as if, despite the fact you didn’t know each other’s appearances, voices, and you weren’t by each other at all, you knew each other as good friends all the same and were having a conversation right then and there, albeit through writing. it felt nice actually; a score considering this all started because silly you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to a therapist or something and write letters inside books instead, but it’s a pretty good coping mechanism if you had to say, so you’re pretty sure you’re good..

— bringing you back to reality though, the way you unconsciously let your hand drift to bring a baked treat to your mouth to chew on. some moments ago, trey came over to deliver some leftover goods, figuring you’d appreciate it—and obviously you did, but it sure was a struggle to get it out of grim’s paws. you had to promise him premium tuna for that one ( you can only imagine the fly that’ll escape from your wallet, singing about how poor you are ). you had your own little spot in the library of course, hidden by the bookshelves. you prided yourself on your cleanliness, so you swore up and down to the library ghost staff you wouldn’t make a mess; though they reassured you they wouldn’t mind anyway.

— you were well aware of how good trey’s baking was, but you were constantly rereminded of the fact with every bite you take. not like you were complaining, the snacks were heavenly, you’d have to thank him again later. just about then you were once again settling in, ready to continue reading since you’d finished with your response already, simple despite how much time you’d spent on thinking it up.

— but then disaster struck.

— “hey, henchhuman!! tell ace i’m not gonna fail the stupid exam, would you?! he keeps getting on my hide!” grim complained, leaving you with an exasperated look as you watched ace quickly jump out of his chair from the corner of your eye, grabbing onto the chair to shake it a little making his point even more clear that it was true, considering the fact that grim was right about to fall asleep before he pointed it out; grim of course arguing that he wasn’t. honestly you felt a bit bad you didn’t even realize they were also in the library but to be fair, they probably didn’t even realize either until grim noticed you from the corner of his eye.

— with an amused snort that thankfully wasn’t loud enough to be heard, you just pet grim’s head ( who seemed to be pleased before realizing it was visible, so he pouted and lightly slapped your hand away with his paw ), guiding your way over to their table with grim following suit, holding onto ace’s chair with him sat again, looking at his, grim, and deuce’s study guides. a mere squint and a head tilt told them the teasing mood you were in, “you sure you didn’t sign a contract with azul for this?” that little quip eventually turned into fun banter, the four of you eventually getting lost in conversation over your studies, until it got late—and before you could get to scolding, deuce mentioned the need to return to your respective dorms, ace joking about how you tended to act like riddle when during late hours like this ( which you quickly tapped at his forehead with your knuckles for ).

— though your book was left open at your table, the plate of baked goods beside it as well.

— safe to say, you were very much a wreck when you came to that realization literally the morning after. well, it was a sunday so at least you didn’t have to worry about getting through school first, but you’ve still got your point! once your outside shoes were on, you sped walk over to the library, tripping a little as you greeted the library ghost staff in apology over the mishap, though you knew it wasn’t a big deal to them. when you returned to the scene of the crime though, the book was closed, though bookmarked, and while the plate was still there, you’d think it was licked clean, though the crumbs prove otherwise.

— and when you opened the book up to the bookmarked page, it became clear why— a more domestic scene in the book, where the characters are described to be baking together and feeding each other cookies. you remember finding it cute, though your pen pal didn’t really see why you were hyping it up, in his own way of talking that was; you don’t think he’d ever use that sort of lingo ( or rather ever write it ). right by his old commentary making that exact note, in newer writing, and you could tell by the way the strokes were more crisp and the distinct smell of the ink seemed more fresh.

— ‘i can see why you like this scene now.’

— really, even in one sentence the words charm you, and you feel like you can hear him saying them to you in the moment though you don’t even know what his voice sounds like. and you couldn’t help but smile, taking into mind that one sentence a little more.

— maybe you should bring snacks to the library more often; this time around specifically made by you.

#🦢 swan signed ! #kyupidos #twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst x gn reader #twst x gender neutral reader #twst fluff #twst hcs #twst headcanons #ficlet #twst ficlets #book 7 #twst book 7 #diasomnia #twst diasomnia #sebek x reader #sebek x gn reader #sebek zigvolt x reader #sebek zigvolt x gn reader

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 14

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Oz Vessalius (Pandora Hearts)

"Struggles with self-worth, adores books, ADHD (though that’s not canon—but he fits the diagnostic criteria), his strongest/most important relationships are platonic"

Sound (My School President)

"Lonely gay teenager who tries to be cool and sauve but gets adopted against his will by a group of losers and then falls for one of the losers who gets on his nerves a lot because he was nice to him once and then he gets all awkward and flustered around the boy and tries to avoid him and antagonize him but the boy sees through it and they eventually end up together and he becomes the most annoying person in love ever"

Luz Noceda (The Owl House)

"adhd. possibly some autism too. a weird girl who got outcasted by being herself and sure has some WACK coping mechanisms to deal with it. self worth is IN THE DRAIN. gnc and not straight. writes fanfic. artist. goes through a depression era when at her moms house. loves her mom also. this is canon stuff i'm saying"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA she is so ASDHSUJD. Okay I started watching the owl house because I knew there was a WLW couple, so obviously I had to check it out. But upon watching the show, I got so emotionally connected to it, or moreso the protagonist, Luz, that it could go beyond some people's understandings... I remember that almost any scene showing her neurodivergent traits would hit SO. CLOSE. HOME. It would be unbelievable. I literally rewatched the show more than seventeen times one summer. She is just so goshdarn relatable man. She's the weird kid, has no friends, loves making anime edits, is OBSESSED with a book series, loves witches and magic and stuff, has ADHD, an attention span that is so high when she's engaging with something she likes doing and so low when she's bored. She's just so lovely. I know a lot of people found her annoying in season one but she hit close home to me. Season two was amazing as well and she started getting even MORE relatable!! She started showing her people pleasing, how much she blames herself, it was so sad but I was glad to see a character I could relate to so much on screen. I mean i personally didn't experience the loss of my father and I personally do have one friend whom I'm able to share my life with, but she's still super relatable. She can be so silly and so cool. And her impulsivity and the way she realized she doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up also hit close home. Mwah"

Gundham Tanaka (Super Danganronpa 2)

"Goth autistic theater kid"

Saiki Kusuo (Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan/The Disastrous Life of Saiki K)

"He's very dead inside, especially in the English Dub, and introverted. But even so, he cares a lot for his friends, even if he never says it to them and he finds them annoying most of the times. He also be nosey and just insert himself into others' situations that don't involve him (obviously, he makes it so that nobody knows he's there and, obviously, he's also complaining about this all the time). He's canonically aroace, or at least aroace spec He's canonically trans. He was born as a girl but he didn't like it so he immediately turned himself into a boy with his psychic powers. An argument could be made about him being on the autism spectrum."

Drew (The Music Freaks)

"I don't like him actually I hate him and love him st the same time in fact but. This man is so real and such a horrible jerkwad to everyone around him. I mean I can't relate to THAT but I should mention he also gets jelous easily, he is in love with his best friend who does not like him back, he's all moody and grouchy and bratty. And so am I and I hate it lol."

#preliminaries #tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #character bracket #character tournament #oz vessalius #pandora hearts #my school president #sound my school president #luz noceda #the owl house #gundham tanaka #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa #saiki k #saiki kusuo #saiki kusou no psi nan #the music freaks #the music freaks drew

[sgiandubh]

Coping with the situation

When faced with an abysmal crisis situation, such as the very recent evolution of the Hollywood strike, people make do as they can.

Herself is definitely going to the NYCC. The Poisoned Pen, her very talkative bookstore back home in AZ confirmed it yesterday, in a Facebook post:

Also, no surprise here, the 'new travel story' is, of course...

With Sir Peter Jackson's foreword. The NZ writer, director and producer of the LOTR and The Hobbit trilogies. Now, I would immediately want to read that, if not the rest of that book. S must be over the moon, and so should we - not bad for the boy. Not bad at all.

I still have no clue about why Herself is going to the NYCC and how could she promote her trade there, in such a strange landscape. The only explanation I could have imagined, without breaking the SAG-AFTRA's statement of conduct, would have been a sort of hastily cobbled event, featuring the OL writers and Herself, of course. But she is not listed anywhere on the infernal (and ineptly conceived) schedule of events and her website only mentions a writer's conference in Surrey, Canada (not UK). Strange.

At least, I suppose S is not going to be in NYC anytime soon. Not at this event, to be clear:

But I see that the partnership with The Tasting Alliance, via The Reserve Bar, is really working, as I predicted. And rather well. And no more shilling in person, at least for the moment. A thunderous round of applause.

Clanlands NZ promo will be surely something I am going to follow very closely. For all sorts of reasons, the interaction between S and McTavish being the most obvious one.

#sag aftra strike

[realmermaid333]

Tigris character analysis ramble LOL

I'm not sure if someone has already pointed this out or if this has been discussed before, but I was thinking how maybe Tigris turned herself into a tiger via body modifications, and chose to eat only raw meat to cope with past cannibalism and sexual trauma. We hear Coryo speak a lot about cannibalism in the Capitol during the war, and how much it disgusted him. I mean, the boy can't even look at Persephone Price without thinking about it. Part of me thinks maybe Tigris secretly took some meat off of the bodies in the street as well and ate it so Coryo could eat the lima beans and stuff that they got from Pluribus, and other food they scavenged.

I feel like she would have avoided having Coryo eat it, and would have instead wanted him to be able to eat normal food to "maintain his dignity". Though there is the scene where Tigris says he must be "too young to remember how bad things got" when he insisted that she never did anything disgraceful for survival. She did seem to hint that they all did disgraceful things- including Coryo. But Tigris would have thought poorly of herself for eating a human, and we know that being forced into cannibalism is very traumatizing. Maybe she thought of herself as a "beast" or a "monster" for it so she chose to turn herself into a tiger. And eating raw meat would fit into that persona. Maybe she did it as a form of self-punishment after she decided to be a tiger and succumb to being the beast she thought of herself as. Or maybe it was soothing for her to relive eating the meat in a more controlled way. Like with raw steak rather than human meat.

We know that her and Snow had a falling out, and there are many different factors that could have played into it. Like Snow sex trafficking victors, shaming her for her body modifications, or just him being generally cruel to others, etc. There is another theory I saw online that maybe Snow forced Tigris into the body mods to make her seem less "weak" or "easy to abuse" like how he'd described her early on in TBOSAS. We know that he could be very possessive of her, so I could see this being a possibility.

Though I think it is more likely that her body mods were her own doing, especially since eccentric body mods like hers were becoming more normalized in the Capitol. Like how Katniss's stylist, Octavia, had green skin in the first book and she changed the color of her skin somehow throughout the trilogy. But then again, we know that whatever happened between her and Snow was bad enough that she was pleased when Katniss said she was going to kill him.

But maybe Tigris also saw herself as "having a sweetness that welcomed abuse" so she thought making herself look "scary" would protect her from experiencing sexual abuse again, as it's somewhat implied in the books that Tigris had to turn to prostitution for food as a teen.

I also think Snow may have used Tigris's change in appearance as an excuse for firing her from her stylist position, when in all reality it was for other reasons, like her disagreeing with his actions. I like the theory that Tigris was Finnick's stylist. It would make sense that maybe Tigris would end up being a stylist in the games if she didn't have many other options, we know she was pretty against the Games so how she even got that job in the first place is something I am so curious about. Maybe she became numb to it, or hopeless and bitter. Maybe Snow offered her the position and expected her to take it. She could have done it to avoid further conflict with him because she still loved him. And maybe Tigris figured that she could at least bond with and comfort the children before they inevitably died in the Games. There are many possibilities.

But I could see her being Finnick's stylist, and maybe she really liked him and bonded with him. And when he won, she of course maintained that bond with him, and would have seen him on his Victory Tour and every time he was in the Capitol. Maybe he confided in her when he was being sex trafficked, or mentioned it nonchalantly, and that was when Tigris realized that Snow was doing this to literal children, and it wasn't just the older, adult victors choosing to go into sex work or something like Snow could have led her to believe.

This could have started a big fight between her and Snow and led to her being fired from the Games. This would especially make sense since she was a stylist long enough that Katniss remembered seeing her on tv, but also enough time passed that it took her a while to recognize her. Finnick won the 65th Games, so Katniss would have been seven the last time she saw Tigris on screen (assuming Tigris was fired before the 66th HGs) but it still wouldn't be hard for her to remember seeing a tiger lady.

#tigris snow #tbosas #thg #thg analysis #my poor baby tigris #ramble #the hunger games #character study

[slashmagpie]

Look, Grian knows what the other hermits are saying, and he’s here to set the record straight: this is not his fault. Sure, the Rift was under his base, and it was his ominous robot son from another dimension that sent them all through it, but Grian can hardly be blamed for the actions of things that are not him. And Grian didn’t do this! He didn’t personally drag them all across the multiverse and to some strange world none of them have heard of before. 

…At least, that was very firmly the line he’d stuck to, until he’d encountered Tim.

Not that Grian is disappointed to have encountered Tim. In fact, he’s pretty ecstatic, all things considered, because messing with Jimmy is always a great time. But it does make him reconsider that this has nothing to do with him, because, well.

What are the odds that when stepping through the portal they would just so happen to end up in the world where the guy who Grian’s been haunting for multiple lifetimes—his entire existence, really—lives?

The chaos of the first day comes to a close, and Grian still has no idea where most of the hermits are, and it’s just him and Impulse on the top of the hill they’ve claimed as their own. Impulse is snoring softly, having fallen asleep the moment he’d gotten into his newly-crafted bed, but Grian isn’t too surprised, because he’s fairly certain Impulse has been high all afternoon. Not that he knows how or why Impulse had gotten high shortly after arriving in a new and unfamiliar world, but hey. Each to their own. Grian’s certainly coped with stupider things in worse ways.

He’s about to kick off his boots and lie down in his own bed—because even though he hasn’t been high all afternoon, it’d been 8PM when they left Hermitcraft and about 10AM when they’d arrived on Empires and he’s approaching the edge of exhausted—when his communicator vibrates. He sighs, pulling it out, and sure enough, the message is from exactly who he’d expected it to be from.

Solidarity whispered to you: we need to talk. NOW.

You whispered to Solidarity: I was actually just about to sleep so I’ll see you soon ;)

Solidarity whispered to you: IN PERSON. 

Grian sighs again and considers arguing the semantics of it, but changes his mind. The sooner he gets this over with, the sooner he can actually sleep. 

You whispered to Solidarity: omw

They don’t have a Nether portal atop their hill yet, so Grian grabs a couple rockets and flies over to Tumble Town. The landscape below falls away, hidden by shadow, and soon Grian spots the glow of lights in the mesa, a wooden township amongst the terracotta and sand. He circles in for a landing, and sure enough, Jimmy is there waiting, sitting on the steps of his house. 

“Hello, Tim,” he greets brightly.

“Grian.” Jimmy sounds exhausted, deep shadows beneath his eyes. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“You know what.” Jimmy looks at him, one eyebrow raised.

Grian groans. “Fine, fine.” He flops down on the steps beside Jimmy. “So? What’s up?”

“Why are you here.” It’s a question, arguably, but Jimmy’s voice is flat. An order, then. 

“We walked through the Rift and it closed behind us and now we’re stuck here,” he explains. “You know this, Tim.”

“Sure, that’s why the others are here,” Jimmy says. “Why are you here?”

“I just told you!” Grian’s voice peaks in frustration, and he just barely avoids throwing his arms up in the air. 

“But there’s got to be more to it,” Jimmy insists. “This is—you brought them here, didn’t you? This is just some—some nefarious plot to mess with me!” 

“Tim. You know me. Do you really think I’m that good at planning?” Grian raises an eyebrow. “As much as I would love for this to be The World’s Best Prank, I’m just as confused by this as you are.”

Jimmy goes quiet for a moment, studying Grian’s face. “You’re telling the truth.”

“Yup. I’m an open book, me. Never told a lie in my life.” Jimmy’s expression turns sour. Grian snorts. “I am telling the truth, though.” 

“So you… have a life,” Jimmy says, contemplative. “You live on… Hermitcraft, is it called? And you have friends.”

“Wow, no need to sound so shocked.” Grian crosses his arms with a huff. “What, did you think I just existed to torment you?”

“...I mean, yeah?” Jimmy says. “I mean—not to be—you’re kind of—” 

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Grian rolls his eyes. “I mean—yeah, I did, at one point. A guy got cursed, and the universe needed a demon to torment him, so—poof!—I pop into existence. But, Tim—Tim. It’s been several thousand years. I can’t just spend all my time tormenting you, I’d get bored.” 

“Oh.” Jimmy thinks on that for a moment. “Is it weird that that feels worse?”

Grian bursts out laughing.

“No, no—stop laughing!—it’s just, the guy who was literally made to torment me has more of a social life than I do! How’s that fair?”

Grian’s laughter fades into snickers. “Have you tried removing the stick from your ass? I heard it works wonders.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you.” Jimmy kicks at him and misses. Grian kicks back, half-heartedly, and hits. Jimmy grimaces. Grian doesn’t bother to apologise. Jimmy looks up to the stars above and sighs. “This sucks. Can you all go home already?”

“Trust me, as soon as I no longer have to exist in the same world as you, I’m gone.”

They’re quiet for another long moment. The conversation has probably good and ended at this point; Grian could get up and leave and go back to his hilltop bed and sleep. He doesn’t, though, just sits next to Jimmy and joins him in looking up at the sky. 

It’s weird being in proximity like this: normally Grian just sees him in that strange dream-space, and dreams can never quite capture the real thing. This Jimmy is—well, he’s similar enough to all the other Jimmys. Most reincarnations share similarities with who they were before, even if they’re not quite the same. So Jimmy still has his blonde hair, his brown eyes, the face that is so familiar Grian thinks he could paint it with his eyes closed, but he’s still different in so many ways. He’s made of cloth, for one, felt and stuffing and string and wool, a toy sewn from bullying and belief. Jimmy doesn’t seem to notice, even as he tucks the stuffing back into a hole in his wrist. He believes he isn’t a toy, at least, so maybe for him he isn’t. Grian, despite a previous Jimmy’s paranoid insistence, doesn’t live in the man’s head, so he has no way to know.

There had been a time, once, when Jimmy was first cursed, and Grian first came into existence, where Grian had been genuinely cruel, had preyed upon his fears and weaknesses, made him face the worst parts of himself—but over the years, the joy of that had faded, and Grian had fallen into just being a bit of a menace. Not cruel, but mocking. A nuisance. What Jimmy remembers of his past lives is always variable, but this one seems exhausted by Grian, but not genuinely afraid of him. 

If it weren’t Tim, Grian would say they were even kind of friends this time around. He’d even maybe say it was nice. If it weren’t Tim, of course. 

“Hey,” Jimmy says, breaking the silence. “Since you’re, you know, here, and you have access to me literally all the time, do you think you could stay out of my dreams tonight?”

“You know I don’t have control over that,” Grian points out.

Jimmy blinks. “You don’t?”

“As much fun as we have, believe it or not, I often have better things to do than torment you. Like actually sleep for once in my life.” 

“Oh. Still, though. Can you try? I just… I could really do with a good night’s sleep.”

He does look tired. About as tired as Grian feels, actually, heaviness weighing down his bones. “Fine,” he sighs. “I’ll try.”

“Great.” Jimmy pushes himself to his feet. “Well, I’m going to bed. Do you—I mean—do you want to stay the night?”

Grian considers it—he really isn’t in the mood to fly all the way back to spawn tonight. He almost says yes, only to remember that Impulse is expecting him to be there when he wakes up in the morning, and Impulse is also probably high and may not even remember what happened today, and Grian doesn’t want to leave his friend confused and alone in a strange place.

“No, I’ll head back,” he says, fighting back a yawn as he grabs his rockets. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

Jimmy nods. “Use the nether portal,” he advises. “You’re up near spawn, right? Exit through Pix’s, it’s nearby.”

Grian nods. “Thanks. Goodnight, Tim.”

“Goodnight, Grian. I really hope I don’t see you later.”

“You and me both, Tim, you and me both.” 

#magpie feather quill #hermitcraft #empires 2 #fanfiction #this one ended up way longer than intended #i'm eventually planning a much longer crossover fic and this is not part of that fic per se #(neither jimmy nor grian will be main characters) #but it is canon to that fic and definitely something that's happening in the background #anyway. they're friends <3

[the-holy-ghosted]

As the number 1 John Lynch enjoyer, have you read his books? Or know more about them?

ok hes written two books and i do own both of them however. i have only made it about halfway through Torn Water. and as much as i am naturally a slow reader i have to tell you that i had to take a LONGGG fucking break for the fact that he writes about adolecent grief like nothing else i have seen portrayed before and it hit a liiittle too close to home and its GOOD but the thing is that its TOO good. yknow what let me just

SPOILERS. I SUPPOSE

the thing about john lynch is that he writes in a very straight forward and simple way thats still very descriptive. and one of the things ive liked so far about torn water is how his way of description shoots past the fluff and excessive way of phrasing things and still manages to PIERCE your fucking feelings SO poignantly. to me it does at least.

the thing about torn water is that there isnt like. a lot of plot going on? in short words of follows the growing up of a young boy who's very well-known father dies in the line of duty and he is left to be raised without a father and some very complicated familial relationships. and its VERY good the way he writes these relationships i feel them very strongly. but what he writes about that gets to me the most is james' relationship with his own father that he never really met because hes told so much about his father and all he can do is just kindof string a personality together himself with his imagination? and make him up as he goes and its SO upsetting at certain points

at the end of every chapter is a letter or a passage james writes involving the events of the chapter before it or the one to come after, as a sort of coping mechanism as i gather, more often than not involving his father (among others such as his kindof estranged mother and her scummy boyfriend who james hates viscerally), and the way its written is just so . POIGNANT. and so accurate, in a way that i have not seen, to the way a child/teenager would cope with grief that fucking slays me and made me have to put the book down for weeks before i could try it again

and the one thing that gets me more than the letters he writes to his father is when he writes letters from his father to himself and i CRY and CRY and CRY and CRY. Coping with loss though your imagination of who this person could have been to you, piecing them together with bits that youve been told from everybody else without getting to experience them yourself. its like nothing ive read before and it cut me A LITTLE DEEP. and i had to put the book down for a long time for this reason

ANYWAYS. in conclusion. i love john lynch more than words can describe and torn water is an excellent book that i will continue reading. for somebody whos only gotten through half the damn thing i really do have a lot to say about it

#the heron heareth #john lynch #torn water #idk if thats a tag on this website idk whos read this novel. oh well im gonna be the first #im scared to start Falling Out Of Heaven but ill get around to it #mr lynch sir i need to sit and pick your brain your words captivate and wound me

[abstractlesbian]

It's been 2 weeks since my mom got diagnosed with leukemia and she's reacting super well to treatment and her hospital stay is going as well as it possibly can and her prognosis is good

And I think I'm mostly coping well? The first week I could barely think or focus on anything but I'm starting to get back to normal "shit fucking sucks" stress levels instead of "my mom might die!?!" stress levels

Mental health has been a rollercoaster but the past few years have put me thru the ringer so I'm like oh I feel the paranoia/delusion/fear/dread/insomnia/hypochondria etc coming and I know what tools to reach for

It's not perfect but I'm more prepared to handle my mind than I used to be

I feel like my family is expecting me to go off the rails but I'm very much still on the rails. Theres turbulence but I'm holding strong.

I am making a terrible amount of impulse purchases tho. Woke up this morning and immediately bought a carebear teddy bear I gave away when I was 12. Bought way too many books and steam games this month anytime I was too sad or too stressed. I am my mothers daughter.

I also picked the worst possible time in the world to switch from weekly to bi-weekly therapy but I also don't want to switch back BC there's just so much talking with my dad and my mom and my sister and my grandparents and my coworker friend and my offline friends and my online friends + the journaling

So much updating ppl and talking about feelings and venting and problem solving

I've only had one therapy session since the diagnosis and I was unable to speak for the first 20 mins of it... But I also clearly need an outlet for all this shit BC I'm fucking writing a novel on tumblr rn lmao

But I'm not suicidal. I'm 5mo/5 years 5mo/8mo clean with different self harm methods. Not going overboard with substances, just some weed on Fridays/saturdays.

Only took one day off work, probably should've taken more.

Haven't torpedoed any of my relationships. Haven't had any major fuckups at work.

Not doing the best on chores but my dad and I are splitting the pet care / dishes pretty well and I'm managing to have enough clean clothes for work at least.

Idk shit sucks. Shit is exhausting. Shit is miserable.

But I'm getting thru it.

[inkblot22]

I agree!! aftermaths are ALWAYS my favourite to read during forced pregnancy stories and I actually hate when it ends with the yandere impregnating darling like how do u know if she truly got pregnant? where’s the horror in finding out you’re carrying your rapist’s child(ren)? how does reader deal with that? how does the yandere react to that? (I’m sure he knows but finding out the news from you yourself would surely elicit different emotions) how does he react when you say you wanna get rid of it? how do they both cope as parents? sooo many possibilities!! I’m glad to know the story I requested will not end with epel just impregnating darling!! thank you sm for that <3

also seeing as how both you and the other anon rank epel low I hope to see he be ranked higher in the future >:3

- epel felmier anon 🍎💜

ALL the freaking possibilities! The machinations of the yandere's mind when the baby-trapping (consensual or not) isn't received well is bound to be endlessly fascinating. Idk, stories work well sometimes if you let the reader imagine the hopelessness of a situation, but they work even better if you showcase it.

I'm putting the other stuff under a cut because I'm about to go on a bit of a tangent. Also, I have not read book seven yet, if anyone spoils it, I will temporarily block you until after I have read it.

I ranked Epel a C the first time because I didn't know anything about him at the time, almost every character save for the ones I really loved the designs for were lower than I would put them today, and frankly some were higher. I've done another tier list, this is not the old one. I have a pretty high opinion of most of the characters regardless of their ranking, here's the maker I used.

Okay, so, I feel the need to specifically explain Crewel: I don't like being treated like a dog. Pet play is not my thing, and I do not understand the hype surrounding him whatsoever. Why would I want to hang out with someone who probably smells like a really strong, expensive cologne and refuses to call me anything other than "good boy"? No thanks, y'all can have him. Crowley is self-explanatory.

Riddle, Silver, and Lucius all have their good qualities, I will admit. But I'm the type of person who would avoid both of the people for varying reasons (Riddle is annoying, I don't like being bothered when I'm minding my own fucking business because I'm "breaking the rules" and I don't want to wake up Silver and I don't know enough about him,) and I would get irrationally mad at Lucius for always getting into fights with Grim.

C tier is somewhat similar to D for me. I'd very likely not go out of my way to interact with these guys, but they're either more approachable or less irritating than D tier. I'm sure you can see a trend with at least two of them, but most of these mfs are too high energy or too intense. Sebek is here because while I don't like petplay, I do like degradation and I think he would be excellent at that, given his usual temperament and opinion on humans. Deuce is there because I find him to be a very one-note character. Everyone in this game is well-written, but not everyone can be interesting. Trein is here because I know I'd be constantly getting in trouble in his class for drawing instead of paying attention. By the way, when did people who were 50 become old? Idk I consider old to be like 70+ but maybe that's just because of the people I grew up around.

B tier is characters that I am aware I am sleeping on, with the bonus of Vargas, who I actually like quite a bit. Not enough to put him in higher than B tier, though. Ortho and Idia are sort of a package deal, but I do like Ortho less than I like Idia. Azul pisses me off but I am a sucker for a pathetic man.

EPEL!!! THE ONE WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!! Epel is like Deuce, if Deuce had more of a twisted view of himself. Reading though his little dilemma in book 5 didn't make me sympathize, but it did endear him to me. I can understand getting upset because you are literally unable to express yourself in a way that you would like because of reasons outside of your control. Beyond that, I love it when characters have a secret rough side (sorry Deuce.) Two-faced characters are my favorite thing.

A tier is characters I would like to put in S but I am too scared of them to do so. While C and lower are characters I would avoid because they're annoying, A tier is literally just characters I would avoid because they're freaky. I think people forget that the first interaction we have with Leona is him threatening to beat the shit out of us because we accidentally tripped on his tail. While Trey is sweet, he's the absolute definition of a two-faced character and he's way too observant to be comfortable around. Idk, maybe that makes him boyfriend material. I feel like anyone who has been on this blog at this point already understands my viewpoint of Jade, Floyd, and Rook. They scare the mess out of me and I love them for that.

With S tier, I'm actually going to specify a couple things: Sam is up there because I know I'd constantly be in his shop, buying things with thaumarks I should save just because I know his shop would smell like home. I feel like where a lot of people see Sam and think "this man can FUCK," I see Sam and think "big brother material." The sibling that I am closest to is literally just barely a year younger than Sam. Also, to clarify, I'm Black with family from the south. Grim is also sibling material. He's like a little brother, and I love him for that even though he pisses me off.

Now back to the WHORE KNEE. I very desperately want to bring my personal Vil series to this blog. I think maybe someone else would enjoy it, because what's more lovely than a man who sees what he wants in a person that isn't what he wants but forces to be what he wants anyway? I love that shit. Lilia is prime fodder for coercion fics, and I'd love to see more of those because he's very wise (because he's old as hell) and he's had a lot of practice at being a sweet talker. I think with a gullible reader?? Oh my god??? I'm not shy about my opinion on Malleus, Jamil, and Idia, and I think I talk about Idia a bit too much. Jamil stole my heart from the minute he was all sweet and kind in book 4 because he is so obviously two-faced that only the overly trusting would fall for that. Also, Jafar was something of an awakening for me. Who cares about Aladdin? I want the old man. As for Malleus, I like that he fills out the gap moe trope, but not overly so. He absolutely strikes me as the type to assume he knows best for both parties involved, and if he doesn't assume, he decides for you.

Anyway, knowing me, this list will have switched all over the place in a month's time. Thanks for reading my garbled nonsense.

#twisted wonderland #tw: dark content #tw: dark themes #tw: yandere #twst #the blot talks! #the blot gets personal??? #the blot rants! #anon asks #anon answered #thank you for sending an ask!! #disney twst #yandere #this is really long #i'm so sorry

[dduane]

Hi Diane! I’ve been a huge fan of your Star Trek work for years (and will now be investigating your original fiction I wasn’t previously aware of) and am absolutely thrilled to find you have an active blog.

I did a cursory search through your tags but didn’t see anything answering this so forgive me if you’ve already gone over this, but how do you go about publishing work that belongs to an already established franchise like Star Trek? Is it just through the publisher? Do you go to some branch of Paramount/CBS and get their approval for the story content? I’d love to know the process. I’m assuming with all the new Star Trek content these days, and CBS locking down on what’s “canon”, it’s probably more difficult to get a one off novel published using their IP anymore. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this (or be directed to a post where you’ve already explained).

Thank you for all your wonderful work!

You're very welcome! I hope you find my original work at least as enjoyable as the Trek.  :)

Re the business of working with an established franchise: yep, we've dealt with that here before, every now and then. But the tagging has been (admittedly) uneven. So let me just come at it again. :) (Always adding the note that this is how I did it, back in the day, and the methods or pathways of access may have changed.)

...So how did I get to be a published Star Trek novelist?

(adding a cut here, because this is a long one)

I am a first-generation Star Trek fan. I fell in love with ST:TOS* as soon as it premiered, and immediately started writing fanfic in that universe. (It should be mentioned here that—a couple/few decades before the days of widespread internet-connectedness—not only did I have no idea that other people were doing something very similar, but I had no idea it even had a name. I was writing all alone, in a vacuum, with no support whatsoever… but however accidentally, I’d discovered something invaluable: it made me happy. We’ll come back to this later.)

So. Time went by and I slid from that genre of fanfic-writing into writing fic that was much more Tolkienian in genre, and from there, into writing original fiction that Tolkien would have found, well, rather different. Cutting another longish story short, in 1978/9 I sold and had published my first novel, this one—the initial volume in the LGBTQ-and-poly-ish Tale of the Five / Middle Kingdoms series that would later get me nominated two years running for the Astounding Award for best new writer in the SF/fantasy field.

Now when something like this happens to you, it gets a lot easier to pitch new novels to people. I’m not just talking about the increased attention that awards and nominations bring you. But just having a traditionally-published book out tells other potential publishers that you’ve mastered at least some important aspects of the novelist business: (a) being able to conceive of a plot that will sustain a novel-length work, (b) being able to go from concept to starting in on a novel, © being able to finish a novel, and (d) being able to cope with the editorial process—handling suggested edits, dealing with a copyedited manuscript, dealing with proofs, etc etc.

As it happens, while I was dealing with the sequelae to publishing The Door Into Fire—meaning the inevitable question “And what are you going to do next?”—I'd also been doing some typing for an acquaintance who was typewriter-challenged. They were writing a Star Trek novel. And I have to say that what I was typing up for them was giving me hives. It was…not anything like what I thought a Star Trek novel should look like. I remember saying to a friend or two, on the quiet, “I could eat a ream of typing paper and barf a better Star Trek novel than this.” And finally one of them—almost certainly David Gerrold, who (God love him) has a history of daring me into doing things I want to do anyway—turned around and called my bluff and said, “All right, go on then, quit your kvetching and just go do it.”

Which left me staring at the problem with a lot more intent. Fine, you’re going to pitch a novel to Trek: what story are you going to tell? It’s not like you’re constrained by a TV budget here. Stretch out and tell the biggest Star Trek story you can find: one that can only be told, or best told, in this universe. (This being my working “prime criterion” for stories told in other people’s universes. For best effect the story should only be capable of being told within that set of characters and circumstances. The jewel must be cut to suit the setting, not—however counterintuitive it might seem—not the other way around.)

So I sat with that concept for a while, and eventually the right idea, or set of ideas, presented itself. I can vividly remember the moment. I was sitting on a bus bench near Victory and White Oak in the San Fernando Valley when the idea hit. It was a long time before cellphones, so I had to wait an hour or so to get home so I could call my agent and say “Don, guess what? I’m going to write a Star Trek novel!”

There was the briefest pause, after which he said, only half joking: “Do you have to?” Because both of us knew perfectly well that from Paramount’s point of view, Star Trek novels were merely another kind of merchandising, like plastic phasers and James T. Kirk action figures. (And strictly speaking, regardless of how we love them, they still are.) …But then Don said, “Okay, do an outline and we’ll see what they think.”

And so I wrote the outline, and my agent sent it along to the editor of the Trek books at Pocket—who was then Dave Hartwell (God rest him, a fabulous editor of any and all kinds of SF)—and Dave read it and liked it, and he sent it to Paramount for approval, and they read it and liked it, and gave Dave the go-ahead to buy it. And that turned into The Wounded Sky. (A nice overview is here. But I am also charmed to tell you that this book has its own entry at TV Tropes.) As a tied-for-second novel went—So You Want To Be A Wizard was written at very nearly the same time—it doesn’t seem to have done too badly.

Anyway, after that got written and turned in and published, the people at Pocket—somewhat to my surprise—said to me, “Okay, what have you got for us next?”  It was that simple… and I was that lucky. I liked working with them: they liked working with me: and they liked what I’d done enough to ask for more. (And...though I have no data on this... I strongly suspect the first book sold well.) So I was in for eight novels more, spread over a fair bit of time. And I have one more plot lying around that I should really get in touch with present editorial about and see if there’s any interest. You never can tell…

So that’s how I did it. Everybody else’s mileage will inevitably vary. But I don’t think there’s going to be much argument with the idea that before working with other IP-holders in their worlds, you might usefully first do as much work as possible in your own. That way potential publishing partners will have something to look at to help them get a sense of what your voice sounds like outside someone else’s world.

…Now as for working with someone else’s IP—anyone’s—this is how I manage it.

(a) Remember it’s theirs. They were there before you arrived and will doubtless be there long after you’re gone. They own that property, are likely enough to have worked hard on it in their time, and—whether they originated it or are just its buyers—are almost certainly powerfully protective of it. You can press against the edges of their envelope—quite hard, if you’re careful and have permission—but break through the fabric of their corporate reality without warning and you are going to be in deep trouble.

Do your homework. Know your licensor: know their history with other creators. Find out where there have been problems in the past and keep your eyes open for warning signs that you may be about to discover some new one. If you were lucky enough to be invited in, act like a considerate houseguest (creatively speaking). While working in that universe, don’t (for example) sneakily attempt to jettison parts of the property that annoy you, or covertly subvert bits that seem to call for subversion. (Overt subversion is a different story. Be in communication with your IP owner about this, and you may be able to win them over.  [Though you should be prepared for them to take credit for this after the fact.] But I have seen people disinvited from franchises with extreme prejudice after they were caught trying to pull one or another kind of “fast one” on their publisher.) If there’s a work-with-us guide or in-house bible, sleep with it under your pillow.

(b) Know your subject/universe. KNOW it. It is an absolute certainty that no matter how well you think you know it, there are fans out there who know it better than you do—massively, obsessively, eat-drink-and-sleep-ively better— and if you put a foot wrong, they will come for you. Leaving aside the issue of not wanting to be left looking like an idiot on the Internet, you ought in any case to be deeply cognizant of your host-world’s internal verities before you can expect to write it flexibly and well.

—And add (b1) to this: Know your characters’ voices. Not just the way they phrase things, but the way they think about things and (possibly more importantly) feel about things. It’s not you the readers will have come for. It’s them. You must channel the core characters at the very least authentically, and (ideally) affectionately, or it’ll all end in tears.

For the duration of this work, you are in service to them. Treat them courteously and give them your best words to speak; but always in their own voices. Don’t be afraid to let them be more real than you are. For a lot of people, unquestionably, they are. If that’s a problem for you, you shouldn’t be doing this kind of work. (At least not more than once.)

© Don’t do it for money. Don’t do it for fame. Do it for love or not at all. ...Let’s be realistic: any licensing IP is likely to (in the great scheme of things) be far better and more widely known than you are. You may acquire some positive press for your work with it, but in many people’s minds the positivity will have to do far more with the property than with you, regardless of your gifts or how much you love that universe, or whether or not you “came up through the fandom.”

As regards money, some licensed work will pay competitively with original work done in the same genre, but most will not. Not even being a Hot Name with a given IP will necessarily guarantee you any kind of serious money. (In particular, IP licensors have a historical tendency to pay lower-than-normally-accepted royalty rates, and in the past it has taken very energetic and insistent agents to break them of this habit, even if only temporarily and on a case-by-case basis.)

It therefore stands to reason that, for the sake of your own best functioning as a writer, you need to be doing work of this kind because you really need to do it (or to have done it) to make yourself happy: to scratch a creative itch, or to give something back to a property/universe that you love.

Now, “do it for love” can cover a lot of ground. You don’t have to be head over heels in luuuurrrrve with a property to write for it well. (In fact I suspect this state could hinder a writer’s ability to do their best work for an IP. You need at least a little separation from it so that you can realistically evaluate how what you’re producing is stacking up.) You can just be in really strong like with a given property. But you ought to be in at least some kind of like. A personal commitment to the stylistic, rational or emotional core of a given property will get you through the times of challenge that will inevitably surround your involvement with it far better than any unrealized hope of a big payday or of more widespread recognition of your own talents. 

Finally: This may sound heretical, but I don’t believe that licensed work is necessarily most fruitfully viewed as a natural stepping-stone to doing original work. (Or even to becoming a licensor yourself, though that does happen.) I think that, well and thoughtfully handled at both ends of things—the auctorial as well as the editorial—not-your-own-IP-work can be entirely worth doing wholly for its own sake. To write for the enjoyment of readers who’re using licensed work to scratch the same itch or feed the same passion that fanfic readers/writers know—of just wanting more good story in that universe? That’s entirely honorable employment, in my book. You’re an entertainer! Entertain, and fear nothing.

(And read your contracts closely.) :)

HTH!

(ETA: for the interested or curious, another post looking more at the issue of how IP-adjacent book editors pick the writers to work on them is over here.)

*Isn’t it wonderful to have to specify which kind of Star Trek you’re talking about? The times we live in...  :)

#Star Trek #Star Trek novels #writing #working with IP holders

[briebysabs]

Hello everyone I would like to rant on how Vanitas and mostly Noé, deal with their trauma. Why? Because it correlates with my fic and I find it VERY interesting.

Let me start with Noé bc he’s kinda the main reason I’m writing this. Then Vani will weave his way into it as well. I feel like us as an audience tend to see Vanitas notably as the one that has issues. He has more skeletons in the closet and is definitely more flawed. But when talking about Noé’s character as I have attempted several times in my theories. You realize that his inner turmoil and fear goes deeper than Louis’ death.

Noé has gone through shit. There are a series of things we need to remember before the big tragedy even happens.

1. Noé is an orphan

2. He was adopted by a human elderly couple that passed not long after.

3. He was kidnapped and was on the black market for an unspecified period of time before Teacher bought him.

May I remind you, Noé doesn’t tell Vanitas any of this. Or Louis dying. Domi told Vanitas that his partner is an orphan. Mikhail is the one who tells Vani who Louis even was and how he died in front of Noé.

Think about it. Vanitas is secretive but Noé isn’t sharing a lot either. Hell, Vanitas knew Noé was an Archiviste by I believe from Nox, Count Orlok’s personal guard. Do you notice a pattern here? All the information Vanitas gains about Noé is coming from other people. Why is that?

Well let’s put a pin in this and return to it later. We find out how his grandparents found him, their death and him being kidnapped. All of it is mentioned as like a passing comment. Obviously he’s a child and doesn’t fully understand what’s happening. We don’t know what happened to his eye either. He doesn’t share that with anyone.

But we see he misses them dearly. But he never mentions or thinks about them in present day. At least we haven’t seen that.

Despite the impact they’ve had on his life and why he cares for humans just as much as vampires.

So you’re probably like girl, what are you getting at here? Well I’m going to let this clip speak for my entire point and elaborate from that. Because this is the perfect example/representation of what I’m talking about.

I am also adding this panel bc of it ties back to what we put a pin on and I’ll soon come back to in a moment. But keep this in mind. This is Noé’s final thought that was cut from the anime.

My first bullet point: Noé represses his trauma. This is what differentiates him from Vanitas. Bc instead of pushing it away, Vanitas lets his consume him which is what dictates a lot of the actions he makes. Noé swallows a lot of shit down. That’s why there are several moments he has this sharp outburst of anger. He doesn’t want to confront his past but they affect who he is. That’s why he clings to optimism (looking to the future) bc that’s what keeps him going.

Besides the Book, it’s the other main reason he latched onto Vanitas to begin with. Because he gave Noé that hope.....which is why I’m afraid of the Noé writing these memoirs but that’s a whole other topic.

And here is where the pin comes loose. Noé’s biggest fear is yes, losing the people around him but also himself. Noé is terrified of himself. I won’t necessarily call it self-hatred (though it inevitably kinda boils down to that)

He’s afraid of his appearance seen while fighting Vanitas, he’s afraid of his strength which is why he holds back a lot or underestimates his enemy. He’s afraid of his Archiviste abilities, he’s afraid of how he felt relieved to be alive after Louis’ death.

He’s afraid he’ll never understand this world despite finding the good in it. And he keeps pushing it all down and I just wanna hug him because THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.

FYI this method of coping with your problems or trauma is a recipe for disaster. This is what breaks people. At least from personal experience of what I’ve seen. Eventually, a straw is going to break the camel’s back. Because you can’t stay silent forever, you can’t run away forever and man this has turned into a therapy session 🥲

Bro I barely focused on Vanitas. I’ll make a separate thread about him one day. Needless to say, I am incredibly excited for what Lady Archiviste has in store for us and if it’s a Noé centric arc addressing what’s in this ramble LETS FUCKING GO

#the case study of vanitas #anime #vnc manga #les memoires de vanitas #noe archiviste #vanitas no carte #jun mochizuki #noé #vampires #archivistes #i wanna hug him #trauma #Vanitas #Domi #vanitas no shuki #manga #fears #pain #my fic is lowkey fire #character analysis #Then again I would pay to see Noé snap #yesss #give me pain

[marnz]

some thoughts about life right now;

i've been on a really intense project since late July and let me tell you, i am tired! i'm one of the few people at my job that specialize in this type of work--we are excited to train more--but for now i am just hanging out here preparing to trade one high pressure project for another for the foreseeable future. which ultimately is fine! even though it can be stressful, I would rather be doing this type of work, which is interesting and super fulfilling and matters a lot to me, than other types of work, which do not feel fulfilling and are actually pretty boring.

it's a little confusing to find myself here because last year i went on medical leave for mental health reasons and prior to that i was doing a very different kind of work, and when i came back in january they started me off with this new kind of work (which i do prefer) with basically no training from my supervisor. which is fine, i am comfortable learning on the fly and/or teaching myself, and i have both a lot of experience doing this and a lot of experience in Complex Projects, albeit in a different practice area. then i moved onto this project in late july. so like again very little training in this specific type of work but i assure you, nothing is as stressful as my last job was. and i do love this project! even though it's stressful! i've since learned that this is just going to be my specialty! which like...i am happy with the outcome but i feel like i sort of tripped and fell into it in the least expected way possible.

while thinking about it, i think i thought i'd only make it to this kind of work, this kind of project, by working hard--and i had a specific idea of what working hard looked like, what striving looked like. but i have been working hard for the last year or so, healing, learning, growing, recovering, all of it. and that is hard work. and by taking time to tend to myself, and grow and change and learn and heal, i became ready for this kind of stressful work. and that's not the narrative we have around this. culturally we have a narrative of self sacrifice and unpaid overtime and being really fucking type A and having unhealthy work/life balance, but as soon as I stepped away and said actually, i've had enough, i will not burn my life out for you, i started down a road that led me to doing the type of work i want to do in a healthier and more prepared way. and that's fucking awesome!

for now i am just trying to make it to the end of this project in mid october. which means coping skills, baby! wish i could write but i don't have capacity for it rn, and that's fine. so my priorities are: maintenance days (cleaning/chores). reading. knitting. baking. yoga. hiking. i want to make life as easy and cozy for myself as possible right now.

i haven't knit for several months and I'm thinking of trying my first sweater--this gorgeous sweater called Mountain Mist. however i've never done colorwork before so the pattern suggests doing the same colorwork in a swatch hat (here) to practice. i am SO HYPE!!! this pattern is also admittedly deeply my aesthetic. i showed it to my partner and he laughed bc it's so typically me lol. i also checked out the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murders series on audiobook to listen too while knitting. spooky season means murder mysteries. 🥰

also my work office is being remodeled so i will be working from home for the next 6ish months, and we're preparing to overhaul my little work corner in our house so it is better/more ergonomic/has more storage/is cuter. also i am going to get a standing desk for my poor knees 😵‍💫 recently worked from 8:30 to 9:30 and my knees hurt sooooo bad 😩

it's nice to know that a year ago i wouldn't have been able to handle this project or really know how to slow down and prioritize self care and after a ton of hard work on my mental health i'm now i'm like, well, it is a bit stressful but we got this. progress 😌💖

#currently #crimes new roman #gonna make lemon poppyseed bread next i think #doing laundry and cleaned out the pantry today. now going to order yarn. #also tmi but i got a new iud and i am In Pain lol so i am just going to take it super easy :)

[drdemonprince]

Yes, that explanation completely makes sense! And I’m quite comfortable with disappointing people. I know for sure that I do it all of the time. I’m no stranger to rejection, either. I’m just in a really effing weird situation where someone isn’t properly rejecting me (I am deeply familiar what rejection feels like, and this ain’t it) so I have to adapt and just like, disappoint in new, similarly uncomfortable ways.

To be honest, it’s such a strange situation that I’ve grown to enjoy the challenge of adjusting to it. I’d much rather it make sense to me, and I hope that eventually it will, but I have no control over that right now, and that’s fine. The lack of control used to be quite painful and emotionally damaging, but now it’s often quite amusing. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t make sense, y’know? Especially when people are hiding the sense from you, and they don’t owe you any explanations.

It’s like “I’ve grown accustomed to your face” and the face is just someone being disappointed 🙃 I know people cut other people out of their lives for that sort of thing, but I care about this person more than I care about their apparent disappointment, so instead of “I hate myself for loving you,” it’s “I love myself for loving you.” Does that make sense to you?

Sorry for harping on about this, like I said, it’s just a very strange situation so I appreciate opportunities to at least explain myself, since I can’t explain the other person.

Hi, thanks for writing again! I mean it sounds like you are coping very well with being interested in someone who sucks? Or isnt treating you right? that youre not harping too much on a situation thats pretty unfulfilling to you, which is great, but maybe you would be better off leaving it

Theres this stage in codependency recovery where the codependent is supposed to ask themselves "if [partner] never changes, what would i do? regardless of what this other person does, what do i need in my life to make that life worth living?" and then they go and do that.

maybe they break up w the person they were codependent to. maybe they dont. doesnt matter. the point is that they have stopped making the other person the center of their world, and theyre going out living their own life rather than making decisions based on how it would impact the other person or the relationship. pretty much the opposite of memory foaming.

i got to this place in my last serious relationship years before the relationship ended. i realized he was never gonna make more time for me, was never going to contribute to finances, was never gonna contribute to household tasks, was never gonna want quality time, was never going to want to go out with me to do any of the things i enjoyed, and was never gonna get good at messaging me back. i said to myself okay, if thats all true, and he is never going to change or ever give me what i want no matter how i act and no matter what i do for him, what do i want out of life then?

and i started going to conventions. and conferences. and mister international leather. and concerts. and book readings. i made new friends at support groups and book clubs and gaming groups. i invited people to the museum or to concerts in the park. i tried new hobbies. i made a full life all around myself instead of waiting for him to change and give anything satisfying to me. and so, by the end of it, when i dumped him i lost almost nothing except for a fantasy.

I dont know your situation but it sounds to me like you want to be okay with doing more for someone than they bring you in the relationship. And i think that kinda arrangement always has an end date. but i only hope that you arent like i was and dont stick around past that end date for years.

[chaussur-blog]

Fuck you! (English translation)

So this is a comic that i made during the summer 21 (and thought out during the year before). So it's a lil old but i'm still very proud of it! I made it with watercolors, on paper of about 17cm x 17 cm.

The original is in French so if you understand it, you can find it: here.

There's the transcription of the text at the bottom of each page in case my handwriting is a lil hard to understand (original is paper, it was made more to be read like that)

Anyhow, enjoy!

Right that moment, i felt like dying

This meant, that some things had to change

Name change : Elliott

Delete these 28 contacts? yes / no

Reorientation : sociology - economy

Hi. I am non-binary. If you can’t respect that, please go to hell xoxo. Some people, 98 [redacted]

That’s why I am here !

University ♡

red hair / unconditional love for crop tops / emo 4 ever / uncertain gender expression / new in town / side-cut

Well. This year will at least be interesting

This precise second, my world exploded

I saw \*this girl - person\*

hair!! / nice smile / hypnotizing eyes / heck of a style/ real cool piercings

… and huge gay vibes

I needed a way, a pretext to talk to them, quickly

Fortunately, the universe wasn’t relying on my subtle flirting skills (& it’s fair)

Hi, do you know where the classroom is ? For orientation

I know where that is! I’ll show you. By the way, I’m Antoine.

Nice to meet you! I’m Elliott!

Little by little, we became pretty close

Coming!

A little too close

Fuck no

of course i wanna have sex with them but i really fucked up i want to have a romantic relationship with them too and this is not what they’re gonna think fuck

of course ; but not like that

solution 1 : talk about it (that’s the right one) / solution 2 : flee

yes ; i’m an asshole

What the hell?

Hi! I can’t be your sexfriend! Sorry (yesterday was fun tho)

Jerk.

Nothing matters anymore!

I am stupid

2 missed calls

Living in a world so cold, wasting away / Living in a shell with no soul, since you’ve gone away / Living in a world so cold, counting the days / Since you’ve gone away from me

Those were bad times.

Do not sit

I found shelter in books

and I, in a whole lot of things

Lectures were really awkward

But I wanted to explain.

Elliott!

Why are you talking to me?

I’m sorry. Can we talk ?

No, not really.

I really / screwed up.

Now is high time for my best coping mechanism

Hi! I’m Alice / I’m Leo! What do you do? / I study sociology and economy. / Could you explain inflation to me? Where do the money disappear to? / Let’s dance instead.

Sure!

Using strangers / Destroying myself

Bottoms-up

Elliott… / I haven’t seen you around, I’m worried about you

Talk to me.

Please let me give you my notes

Hi.

I'm sorry you have to see that, / Antoine

Okay. So you’re obviously feeling too bad for me to help you. But I’ll support you.

Everything will be alright. / There are several steps.

But firstly, do you see your current situation as a problem? / …Yes. / Are you ready,

To try to improve it? / Yes. / You’re sure? / Yes. I’m sick of living like this.

Neat! That was step 1

Thanks, Antoine

Step 2 is to clean your flat and keep it tidy enough

doing the dishes is better than piling them in your bathtub / air is great / changing your sheets, too / getting rid of the harmful stuff

Step 3: restructuring your days and getting rid of your bad habits

Every day: / hydrate eat (3 times) / go out at least once / rest, sleep / go to class & study

Every week: / plan meals / laundry / grocery shopping / do sport

uninstall Webtoons, Twitter and Instagram. / sober of self-harm (2 days) / quit alcohol and smoking / do sport / study, but not too much / journal

But Antoine was very clear: / We’re friends. We’ll see if we can be more when you get better.

There was one step left, last but not least: going to therapy

It took me time and energy. But it was worth it.

Thank you. / No problem, Elliott

Of course, I had some trouble

But Antoine helped me each time I asked him.

Sorry / Progress isn’t linear

That’s rich, prick

I feel much better, so I’m going to ask Antoine out. Well, that’s the plan

stressed out / black dye / attempt at a fancy outfit

Knock knock

Oh hi Elliott ! Looking very smart today!

Er…

Hi… Last time, we did not communicate very well. So I’d like to ask you properly, would you go on a date (with me)?

Of course, Eliott. / Glad to know that you are still interested.

and this date,

was the first of many,

and many other rendez-vous.

Thanks, the universe

***

If you're here i would really love for you to tell me that you read it / what you thought about it so please don't hesitate to! I hearing about it 🥰

And also you can find some more drawings of them on my Instagram: here.

But yeah, thank you, i send you much love, take care of yourself :)

[greypetrel]

Hello! 🌙✨ Chiedo anch'io un po' un mix: Eowyn e Cassandra 👀

OMG you asked the two crushes!

Thank you *evil laugh*

Eowyn:

First impression: I was blown out as a child. Beside the look and the sleeves... Oh my god I remember the day I saw her, I wanted to be her so bad and dress like her and the JOY when she and Faramir, the other besties kissed! They were my first OTP and I remember I was so happy and started drawing stuff.

Impression now: Freaking epic. I reconsidered a little her crush over Aragorn as No lady YOU'RE A BABY LEAVE THE DILF ALONE. Still, she's one of the characters I like the most ever and the one I'll slam upon everyone uncautious enough to tell me to my face that Tolkien didn't know how to write women or was a maschilist. He was a man of his time, sure. Maschilist? No I don't think so. She's a complex character struggling with her place in the world and in a world that tries to define her. She is good and honourable... But still will carve her path with her bare hands if she must. And she did, and in the end did a lot, she fought to find the place she wanted and it paid off. Had Tolkien really been a maschilist, she wouldn't have slain the Witch King. In the end she chooses to settle down, yes, but on her own terms. At least, I read it like this. It's not staying because she's a woman and that's her place, it's staying because she tasted heroism, she did her part, the war is over and it still wasn't enough. But maybe finding people that understand her and don't try to tie her up... Maybe that's enough. "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose".

Favorite moment: "I am no man." Hands down the most epic moment in the saga can't beat that. Slay, girl.

Idea for a story: Seriously, ANYTHING with her. More of her relationship with Eomer and Theodred maybe? More Edoras pre-war and how Wormtongue crept his way in? I love Rohan as a concept so really anything with that I'll be down for.

Unpopular opinion: Is there an unpopular opinion of. I don't think there is, we're all Eowyn stans here are we. I'll maybe say that Eomer had an equal crush over Aragorn and BOTH of them were pining hard. ("Aragorn senpai look at me ridigin into battle! :D" cit. book!Eomer)(quoted as unpopular because I never saw it around that much)

Favorite relationship: *looks above* She and Faramir dealing with coping with failed expectations (their own or others') and finding softness together. Also every interactions she has with Theoden is gold, and her relationship with Merry is as well! Besties.

Favorite headcanon: This fic I read from @scyllas-revenge lives in my head rent free and it's just... The ultimate fluff.

Cassandra:

First impression: "Oh damn this dude got himself into serious troubles, I wouldn't go against that woman. Pretty tho.". I tried to romance her at first in Inquisition and was very sad when she turned Aisling down. (you can all mock her and her Templar kink, yes.)

Impression now: I love Cassandra and her flaws and contradictions. I love that she's basically made of granite, you won't move her with cannons... and yet, she's there, ready to think twice and change her mind accordingly. She's multi-faceted and honestly one of the funniest characters in Inquisition. I love strong women that have a soft side and she has definitely one.

Favorite moment: The cutscene in Trespasser. Years pass and yet she'll still be gullible to a good romance story told by her very favourite author.

Idea for a story: A modern AU where she is the one and only author writing in the Swords & Shields fandom. Varric reads every single one of her stories, at first it was to mock her and her inability to recognise a trash book, then he felt affectionate to this utter devotion. A Misery AU with her an Varric. (...thinking about it better, DA2 is really a Misery fantasy AU...) Beside that, something exploring the aftermath of her nasty comments over Elven religion if you bring her along in one specific mission. An elf inquisitor facing her on that and discussing it. I wrote part of this months ago oops.

Unpopular opinion: She'd make the worst Divine of the three and would suffer greatly in the role.

Favorite relationship: She and Varric. In any sauce and way and in tutti i luoghi e tutti i laghi.

Favorite headcanon: She's Varric and Hawke number 1 fangirl, she read the Tale of the Champion and begged to be sent to interrogate them. When she meets Hawke, she's internally screaming and won't wash the hand Hawke shook for the whole day.

#characters headcanons #dragon age #lotr #eowyn #cassandra pentaghast #*hawke appears* *Cassandra hears YOU SEE ME IN HINDSIGHT TANGLED UP WITH YOU ALL NIGHT 🎶*

[linklethehistorian]

So I very rarely get super personal on this blog just for the sake of it, but given there was already a much…darker version of this post sitting in drafts until just a short while ago, and maybe someone here might need to hear an uplifting real-life story tonight, I figured I’d go ahead and draft up and post this anyway.

See, I’m sure all of y’all here have noticed my relative lack of activity with any large project over the past five months, but what y’all don’t know is that this has largely been due to some pretty serious health issues — not the least of all being that…over the past…three-ish months of those five, I have had to stare down the very real possibility that I might have a pretty serious form of Leukemia. I was bounced from doctor to doctor about this, test after test, and not much of it looked good, if I’m being perfectly honest.

During all of that time up to today, I had been sitting around contemplating much of my existence, and how, at last, when the most difficult news of all came, I would break that news to everyone — what I would do, say, etc. I must’ve run through all the scenarios a million times, drafted up at least ten different letters for different people in my life, even recorded a cover of a song through which I wanted to say goodbye to everyone here, if it came to it (and which still sits in my video gallery currently, as though still waiting to be used).

Needless to say, although they had their moments as life always does, these past months have been overall a living Hell, and it only got progressively worse with every new piece of concerning news, up until today — the day I finally was able to go see the oncologist. (Doctors are often booked out for months around here rn — weeks at best.)

Prior to the visit, I had been informed by my GP that the oncologist would overlook all of my results ahead of time, and call to cancel the visit with me herself if she found/determined there was nothing worth being concerned over.

Well, the cancel call never came, so I think you can understand when I say that I went in full expectation of the worst case scenario; I mean, clearly she had thought it critical enough to keep the appointment, so that kind of spoke volumes for itself even without having seen her.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the long time spent alone in the doctor’s office, waiting for her to arrive: there was some of the most gorgeous, peaceful instrumental music you could imagine playing softly, and as I was sitting there, forms in hand, staring down the room around me, I was just thinking to myself how that music clearly said exactly what this place was: it’s a place where people go to get basically the worst news of their lives imaginable, and try their best to cope with and struggle against their mortal illnesses. And this music was so pretty and peaceful because the patients needed it.

And here I was. Today I was one of those patients.

I sat there contemplating over my life and realizing that this was going to be the last moment that anything was even somewhat normal again for me. The last moments before life changing news.

I can’t begin to explain how that feels.

…And then the doctor came in and she was immediately telling me, like, more or less, “Oh honey, why are you here? lol We tried to call you to tell you not to come in — you don’t need all this stress for no reason, go on home, there’s nothing to worry about, you’re fine.”

Apparently she had, in fact, made an attempt to contact me because she wanted to spare me the stress of coming after reviewing the results and deciding I was fine, just like my GP said, but the call just hadn’t gone through.

The relief that I have inside of me today knowing that I am okay is beyond anything I could ever put into words. I cried the entire several hour drive home, and even now, as I type this up, I find myself tearing up just a little again in sheer gratitude and amazement and comfort.

Even if things had gone badly, I wouldn’t have had any regrets, but truly nothing makes me happier to know that I will be around for a long, long while here still — with the people and things that I love, with the strangers, with the haters, and everyone else in between.

Please never take life for granted. Live in the present and try to be as grateful for every moment as you possibly can. Life really is beautiful and precious and so, so worth living, so live it to the fullest and always remember that there can be hope.

No matter how bad things seem, there’s always a chance for hope to shine through.

It did for me. It can for you too.

I love you all so much.

#linklethehistorian #thoughts #my thoughts #non fandom #nonfandom #advice #…kinda? Not exactly tho #life has been rough and I plan to take a little while to finally just breathe #do things as they come #I’m just so thankful to be alive