#i am unworthy of her love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sage-nebula · 2 years

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STH - Had My Ducks in a Row, Now They're Slowly Falling Out of Line

Notes: I had intended to work on Beyond Oblivion tonight, but ever since I made that post about Metal Sonic calling Tails an unworthy child the other night (and then also made a post about Tangle being a good big sis), I've been thinking about this . . . and so this ended up coming out instead. Originally it was meant to be just Tails and Tangle, but as I finished up their section Sonic's came to mind, so I couldn't resist adding that in too.

Credit for the idea that Sonic has a little unease about Tails making so many weapons goes to @chaoxfix, because that headcanon is just too perfect to pass up. Hope you don't mind that I borrowed it!

Also, this is my first time ever writing for Tangle, so I hope she sounds all right, because I love her to pieces.

Summary: Months and months ago, Neo Metal Overlord called Tails unworthy. And he knows it's stupid to keep thinking about it, but it's been living rent-free in his head ever since. [Post-Chao Races & Badnik Bases, pre-Trial By Fire]

- - -

Tails scowled at the schematic spread over his work bench, and pressed his pencil lead a little harder into the paper.

Unworthy child!

His pencil lead snapped, the crack echoing with the words in his head, and he let his forehead hit his workbench with a groan.

It had been months since that day—months since the battle of Angel Island, though after the Metal Virus pandemic it felt as though it had been so much longer. But it really hadn’t been; everything happened so quickly nowadays, one crisis right after another, that there were times when Tails felt out of breath even when he was standing still. It wasn’t all bad; he genuinely liked adventure, especially when he could help Sonic save the world. But that was the problem, wasn’t it?

He chewed the inside of his cheek, and squeezed his eyes shut.

He had helped, during the battle of Angel Island. No matter what Neo Metal Overlord said, he had helped. He crashed the ship straight into Metal Overlord—he took him down! Sonic was so proud of him. Tails couldn’t say he wanted to do it again (in fact he’d say the opposite since he’d ached for days after that, not that he’d admit it), but he would say, would insist against the nagging voice in his head, that he had helped that time. He’d helped save Angel Island, and the world.

But . . .

But then the Metal Virus pandemic happened. Sonic got infected, and Tails couldn’t help him. Oh sure, he’d come close to working out a cure. But one set of infected Chao had been all it took to sabotage his data and make him lose everything. And though he had managed to retrieve one of the Chaos Emeralds from Zomom with Amy’s help, not only had he not been the one to come up with the idea to begin with, but at the end, all he’d been able to do was cower and hope against hope that Sonic would pull through and save the day. Sonic, who had been fighting off the infection for the duration of the pandemic. Sonic, who was already at the limits of his exhaustion. Everything had fallen to him, again, and Tails had been able to do nothing to help except retrieve one lousy Emerald.

(Well, that wasn’t fair. The Emerald wasn’t lousy. The Emerald helped Sonic achieve Super form, which allowed him and Silver and Metal to save the day. That was more than Tails could say for himself.)

Sonic hadn’t held it against him, of course. Sonic never did. When Tails was too scared of lightning to pilot through a storm, or revealed that a Chaos Emerald was fake and got Sonic ejected into space in a soon-to-be exploded capsule—no matter the situation, Sonic never blamed him. For all his spiky quills, bravado and the way he could snark at their enemies, Tails knew the truth: Sonic was a softie, and way nicer than most anyone gave him credit for.

Tails lifted his head so he could fold his arms on his desk, his chin resting upon them. He laid his pencil in front of him, and gave it a light flick so it rolled up the desk, and then back down to his waiting finger. Another flick sent it rolling up again.

It wasn’t like Tails had accomplished nothing in the interim. He had found schematics to fix Omega . . . even though he couldn’t read them. And Sonic had trusted him to go raid an old Eggman base to try to find the cipher he needed so that he could read them, and that was where they found Belle. And later, when they went to help Amy and the others at White Park . . . well, Tails had gotten kidnapped by Starline and tied to a rollercoaster to emotionally blackmail Sonic. But Rouge had, too, although she’d managed to cut her ropes and free herself faster than he did. But that was all right, wasn’t it? Because then he’d helped her alert the others so they could evacuate the tourists. And though Starline had tried to grab him again, this time Tails managed to protect himself . . . through using Belle’s kicking reflex, albeit without her permission to do so.

Unworthy child!

Tails huffed a sharp sigh to try to dislodge the twist in his gut, and flicked his pencil hard enough that it zipped off the back of his workbench and tumbled down to the floor.

“Whoa, buddy! Is this a bad time?”

“Huh?” Tails sat up and twisted around in his seat, blinking in surprise as he caught sight of Tangle in the doorway of his workshop, her fingers gripping the top of the doorframe as she swung lightly inside. “Oh—no. Do you need something?”

“Nah, not really. I was just kinda bored, and in the area, so I thought I’d drop in.” As she spoke, Tangle skipped over and hopped onto a stool beside Tails’ workbench. It spun halfway around, but she caught herself on the side of the desk, and swung back around to face him. “What’cha got goin’ on?”

“Nothing much.” Tails glanced back at the schematic he’d been working on, a half-finished design for a new rocket launcher. There was no need for it, really, but there wasn’t not a need for it, either. That’s what Tails told himself, anyway, or told Sonic whenever Sonic questioned him about why he was building so many different weapons. Maybe they didn’t need rocket launchers right now, but who was to say what would come in the future? There was no telling when Eggman or Starline or whoever would attack again. It was better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

Unworthy—!

“Helloooo?” Tangle waved her hand in front of his face, and Tails jumped a little, blinking as he refocused on her. “Everything okay in there? You seem a million miles away, little dude.”

“Oh—yeah! I’m okay,” Tails said, and he forced a bright smile. Tangle smiled back, but not all the way; her forehead was creased, her brows pinched in the middle. “Sorry, I was just . . . thinking.”

“About what?” Tangle asked. When he didn’t answer right away (he was never good at coming up with lies on the spot), she nudged her calf against his shoe, and gave him a cajoling smile. “C’mooon, tell me! We saved the world together, right? A couple different times! You can tell me things. I promise I’ll only beg to try out whatever cool new invention you have up your sleeve a total of three times if you tell me about it.”

Tails couldn’t help it; he cracked a smile, despite himself. “It’s not that. I—the rocket launcher’s not coming along as hot as I’d like. It’s nowhere near testing stages yet.”

Tangle’s eyes lit up. “Rocket launcher?”

Tails cast a glance askance at the schematic. Solar power was the way to go, he thought; there was an endless source of energy right there in the sky, just waiting to be used. But none of the batteries he’d built could build up a charge quickly enough, or hold enough of a charge for long enough, to be used in something like a rocket launcher. He’d been working on solar power batteries since even before Metal Sonic’s coordinated badnik attacks, and yet—

Unworthy . . . !

“Do you ever—” Tails began, then stopped. This was stupid. It was stupid to still be thinking like this. If he told Sonic—

Sonic wouldn’t say it was stupid. Sonic would never say something like that. He’s too—he’s not mean enough for that. Even if he thought it, he’d never say it.

“Do I what?” Tangle kicked her feet back against the leg of her stool, and when Tails said nothing, she swung her tail around to poke him in the head. “C’mon, don’t leave me hangin’. Finish what you were gonna say, I’m all ears.”

Tails ran a hand across the back of his hair, smoothing down the fur Tangle’s tail had tousled. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Stupid? From you? Mr Kid Genius? I highly doubt that.” Tangle put her elbow on his workbench, and leaned her cheek into her palm. “Come on, just tell me! Whatever it is, I promise I won’t tell a soul. Cool tail buddies honor.”

It was stupid. There was no way to explain that he was letting something Neo Metal Overlord said rot in his head for months without sounding stupid. But the thing about Tangle—the thing Tails liked about Tangle—was that she was unapologetically sincere. She wasn’t afraid to be enthusiastic about things, or embarrassed even when she was clumsy and made mistakes. She said they were cool tail buddies, but Tangle herself wasn’t concerned with being cool. With being a hero, sure. But not with being cool. And she was best friends with someone who was just as much of a nerd as Tails himself was, albeit about different things. It didn’t matter that Jewel’s wardrobe consisted of nothing but pantsuits and that she unironically loved organizing. Tangle still thought she was one of the coolest people in the world.

So maybe, even though what he thought was stupid, it would be okay if he told Tangle. Maybe she wouldn’t think he was any less cool himself. And she probably meant it when she said she wouldn’t tell anyone; he hadn’t known her to ever lie before.

“Okay,” Tails said at length, and Tangle’s eyes lit up. “But I’m going to hold you to that. If you tell anyone, you’re out of the cool tail buddies club.”

Tangle put two fingers to her forehead, and popped them off in a salute. “Yessir! So, what’s got your tails all twisted? In the bad way, I mean.”

“It’s just . . .” He’d resolved to tell her, but even now, the words felt stuck in his throat. Tails wished he hadn’t flicked his pencil off the desk; he needed something to fidget with. He took a deep breath. “Do you ever wonder if—if maybe you’re . . . if despite anything, you’re just—holding people back? Or not . . . contributing what you should be?”

Tangle blinked, and sat up straight on the stool. “What?”

“I mean—” Tails swung one of his own tails up so he could fidget with the tip; he couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. “You do your best. And you do contribute some things. But it’s—when it matters, when it really counts, you just . . . fall short. You have to rely on someone else for help, to save the day. And you—no one’s mad about it, and they’d never say it, and you do some things so you know you’re not totally useless, but you wonder if, if maybe . . .”

“If, maybe . . . you made one mistake too many?” Tangle offered, and Tails’ ears flattened against his head, his shoulders hunched as he cringed. “If maybe at first it could be passed off as you just being inexperienced, and not really knowing what you were up against, and so you underestimated the enemy and he got the jump on you because of that. But then later, after you knew better and could be trusted, you still got careless and your zombified best friend got the jump on you and turned you into a zombot, and so she realized she really couldn’t rely on you after all. And so the real reason she left you behind wasn’t because you were working with the Restoration and she felt that your place was with them, but was actually because she felt she couldn’t count on you as her backup anymore because you’d already let her down once, so who’s to say it won’t happen again? And you can’t even fault her for that, because you did let her down once and, anyway, if she wanted you along she would have let you go with her, but she didn’t and that means that if you go after her now, you’re disrespecting what she wants and are just going to get told to go home again because she doesn’t want and can’t count on you at all.”

Tails furrowed his brow halfway through Tangle’s speech, and by the time she was finished, confusion clouded his anxiety so thoroughly he could hardly feel it anymore. “Huh?”

Tangle blinked; for a moment, it looked as though she’d almost forgotten he was there. Then she laughed loudly, and waved a hand through the air as if dispelling smoke from burned cookies. “Just as, you know, a totally random and totally not specific or in any way real scenario.”

Tails frowned. “Right . . .”

“But, anyway. My totally random and not specific or in any way real example aside—am I hearing you right? You think you’re not contributing enough? You?” Tangle reached over with her tail again, and this time gave him a light push on his shoulder. “Have you seen all the stuff you’ve built? You’ve got two whole workshops filled, plus all that stuff at Restoration HQ. You’ve got a crazy amount of inventions! And you’ve saved the world, several times! And you’re only eight! You know what I was doing when I was eight? I was parkouring off cliffs, and not even on purpose. Jewel didn’t get those guns of hers by hauling rocks around her museum, let me tell you. She got them from hauling my sorry butt back up from the cliff I threw myself down for the third time in a week.”

Tails chuckled. “Yeah. But—”

“But nothing.” Tangle flopped her tail on top of Tails’ head, and he brushed it away. “You are hands down the coolest eight-year-old I’ve ever seen in my life. So what if you need help sometimes? Everyone does, and you should know; you help people all the time. So why’s it bad for you to get helped back, huh?”

“It’s not bad. I just . . .” Tails flailed a hand, gesturing to nothing. “I’ve been doing this for a long time now. I just feel like maybe I should be . . . better, by now.”

“Well . . .” Tangle tilted her head side to side, considering. “That’s not a . . . bad thing, maybe. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re totally awesome and should have way more confidence in yourself. But if you were totally satisfied, then you couldn’t get even better, right? You’d stop trying. And there’s no way this world would be able to handle it if you stopped trying, so that would be no good.”

Tails gave her a wry smile. “The world would be fine. I mean, there’s Sonic—”

“Sonic can’t invent the things you do,” Tangle said. Her tail poked him in the chest. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s amazing and a hero and we’d all be doomed a thousand times over without him, and if I get to go on another adventure with him tomorrow I’ll have waited too long—but he’s no scientific genius, y’know? But you are, and you’re cool and nice and not evil or bonkers like Eggman or Starline. So we definitely need you in our corner.”

Warmth flooded Tails’ cheeks, and he looked away as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Tangle.”

“Don’t mention it, li’l dude. What are cool tail buddies for?” Tangle winked, and Tails felt his smile grow. “So, what’cha workin’ on? You said something about a rocket launcher? Please tell me you have a rocket launcher.”

“Not yet,” Tails said, and Tangle’s shoulders slumped in exaggerated disappointment. “But I have been working on a few other things, like a new set of prototype missile gauntlets.”

Tangle sat straight up in her chair, eyes shining. “Missile gauntlets?”

“Yeah—well, I was thinking about Knuckles, you know? He’s a brawler, so he specializes in close-quarters combat. But Eggman knows that, so if he sent badniks to Angel Island, they’d probably be ones that are built for long-range combat.”

As he spoke, Tails hopped off his stool and crossed the room to the workbench along the back wall, where the prototype gauntlets—having just had the finishing touches put on them the night before—sat. Tangle followed close at his heels, her eyes the size of dinner plates.

“So just in case he gets attacked by long-range badniks and we’re not near enough to help, I figured these might be able to give him an extra boost. They can function like normal gauntlets in close-range combat, but if he presses this button here by curling his wrist—” Tails indicated a button on the inside cuff, “—then it’ll deploy missiles from the knuckles of the gauntlet, here.” He tapped his fingers along small, barely visible missile compartment doors along each of the four knuckles. “Of course, right now each gauntlet only holds four missiles, so it’s not exactly practical for a long fight, and I haven’t figured out how best to reload them, especially since Knuckles isn’t exactly the greatest with technology, but—”

“Those. Are so. Cool!” Tangle squealed, and Tails jumped yet again, his tails spinning this time to keep him a few inches off the ground until his heart rate slowed. “Can I see them in action? Can I try them out?! Please, please can I try them out?!”

“Well, I made them for Knuckles, so they’re a bit big, but . . .” Tails eyed Tangle’s clasped hands, and then her pleading eyes and wobbling lower lip. He grinned. “Gimme ten minute to adjust the size, and then we can go out to the target range out back.”

Tangle let out another delighted squeal, and scooped him up in a bear hug. For the second time in under five minutes, Tails felt his feet leave the ground. “Woohoo! You’re the best, Tails!”

Tails laughed as she set him back on his feet, his own tails swishing behind him. “Heheh, well . . . I try.”

- - -

It wasn’t too uncommon for there to be reports of explosions in the general vicinity of Tails’ Mystic Ruins workshop. Tails was a super genius, but he was a super genius who often worked with explosive materials and way too much electrical charge, and so every now and then, things were bound to get a little explode-y. So when there was talk of an occasional kaboom heard in the Mystic Ruins, Sonic didn’t usually get too worried.

But sometimes it wasn’t just one kaboom. Sometimes it was multiple kabooms. And when those multiple kabooms were accompanied by talks of missiles and rockets and lots of yelling . . . that’s when Sonic’s quills got set on edge.

It wasn’t in his nature to panic right away. Multiple kabooms, rockets, and yelling didn’t necessarily mean that Eggman had decided to strike again, targeting Tails’ workshop directly this time. But when Sonic tried calling and got voicemail—well, that still didn’t necessarily mean Tails was in danger. Maybe he was just caught up in whatever he was working on, and didn’t hear his communicator beep. So Sonic tried again, and once more, got voicemail. And when he tried a third time . . .

Well, he didn’t try a third time. Kabooms, missiles, yelling, voicemail. All four things combined meant it was time to pay the Mystic Ruins workshop a visit.

Fortunately, he wasn’t too far away. He made it to Tails’ home in record time, picking up the pace when he caught sight of the wispy spirals of smoke rising in the sky from Mystic Ruins’ border. As he wound his way through the Ruins, he spied no badniks—but then, that was probably intentional. Ol’ Egghead was probably laying a trap. Not a very good one, considering how fast word spread that something was going down in Mystic Ruins, and how obvious the smoke was visible against the sky, but—

Another explosion rent the air, and rocked the earth enough so that Sonic stumbled as he reached Tails’ front door. Immediately following, he heard a whoop of delighted laughter from behind the workshop.

He blinked, and stood up straight. Was that . . . Tangle?

Seeing as how nothing seemed to be happening inside the lab, Sonic looped around to the back, where Tails’ outdoor testing area and target range was. Upon reaching the back, three things immediately became clear:

One: His ID of the voice he heard was correct; Tangle was indeed in what remained of Tails’ backyard.

Two: Tails was just fine, and not under attack at all. He had his tablet in hand, and was surveying the wreckage with a grin from his vantage point up in the air.

And three: Rebuilding the testing area was not going to be fun.

To say it was in ruins was an understatement. Every single target, from the ones that had been pinned to the trees, to the stationary standees, to the ones that Tails had built into moving tracks in the ground, had been blasted apart in some form or another. There were little embers smoldering in the grass in different parts of the yard. Several trees had been knocked over. A pair of rickies were staring at the carnage with horrified awe from the roof of Tails’ workshop.

Tangle spotted Sonic as he rounded the corner, and while she had already been sporting a manic grin, her smile somehow grew even wider as her hand shot into the air and she waved at him. “Hey Sonic! What’s up?!”

“Seems like that’s what I should be asking you,” Sonic said, as Tails swooped down to land beside him. Sonic raised an eyebrow as he glanced over at Tails. “Some people were saying they heard explosions out this way, so I figured I’d swing by to take a look. Everything okay?”

“Yeah! Tangle’s just helping me test some new gear,” Tails said, as Tangle zipped over to them at speeds Sonic didn’t know she was capable of. She still wasn’t on his level, of course, but he did have to step out of the way as she blazed by, a trail of fire sparking on the grass behind her.

“Rocket boots,” Tangle said, before Sonic had a chance to ask. Her eyes were shining brighter than a pair of suns, and she pumped her fists in front of her. “He made rocket boots!”

Sonic laughed. “No kidding?”

“They’re for Shadow,” Tails explained, and he held out his tablet so Sonic could glance over the schematics on the screen. “I know his are still in okay shape, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be better. And I’ve added extra propulsion to these ones to add more force to his kicks. You know, since he likes to kick people.”

“He does like doing that,” Sonic agreed.

“I mean, who knows when we’ll see him again. But if something does happen, I figure it might be nice to give him a boost. You know, as thanks for helping us out. I’m thinking about making some for his Chao, too, so it can keep up with him.”

“Not sure he wants to be bringing that little guy into battle. Though you never know, maybe Cream and Cheese’ll inspire him.”

“Right? So it won’t hurt to be prepared, just in case.”

“Okay, as absolutely freaking adorable as the idea of Chao rocket boots sounds, I’m ready to try out the next thing,” Tangle said, already slipping out of the rocket boots she’d lit the grass on fire with. “You got anything else, little guy? Please tell me you have something else. You’ve gotta have something else.”

“Hmm . . .” Tails tapped his finger to his chin in thought, and then grinned. “You know, I did finish a prototype for a magnet gun last week. It works by using magnetism to attract and repel metal, theoretically turning anything used against us into possible ammunition to—”

“Is it in the same area of your workshop as the other things?” Tangle interrupted, eyes bright. Tails nodded, and Tangle pumped her fist into the air. “Heck yes! I’m on it!” With that, she turned and dashed back into the lab.

Sonic shook his head, smiling as he watched her go, and then looked back at Tails. Tails was already skimming through the schematics on his tablet again, no doubt searching for the magnet gun’s folder so he could make notes based on Tangle’s tests. Now that he knew the workshop wasn’t under attack, his quills settled back into a more relaxed position, his heartrate returning to its usual fast, but not supercharged. Tails was safe. He was having fun with Tangle. His yard was destroyed, but they could deal with that later. Sonic would help, and he would only be a little melodramatic about it.

But it seemed like everything they had tested so far was some kind of weapon. Even the boots for Shadow—didn’t Tails say something about adding more firepower to them, to help Shadow in combat? And a magnet gun, while it didn’t have ammunition of its own . . .

So much had happened so fast. Eggman had successfully taken over the world, and kept Sonic in captivity for six months, during which Tails was alone. Then not long after that, Metal Sonic had tried to take the Master Emerald, and the world with it. Then there was the Metal Virus pandemic, and the incident at White Park . . .

Sonic loosely crossed his arms, his head tilted as he examined Tails. Tails was still scanning through the blueprints on his tablet, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

He was such a smart, strong, brave kid. But he was also, well . . .

“Hey,” Sonic said, and Tails looked up, his ears perked in question. “You doing okay?”

“Huh?” Tails blinked, as though caught off-guard, and for a second—just a second, so quick Sonic almost missed it—it looked like something clouded his eyes. But then he smiled as the door to his workshop opened again, Tangle bounding back out into the yard. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

Something was there. Sonic didn’t know what it was, but he did know he didn’t like it. Tails was so smart, and strong, and brave. But . . .

“No reason,” Sonic said. “Hey, doesn’t that new AGES game come out this weekend? How about we give it a spin?”

Tails grinned, and wagged his tails in a hard enough circle that he lifted a little off the grass. “Really? You want to?”

“Definitely,” Sonic said, and he grinned as Tails beamed, and did a delighted little loop in the air.

“All right, I’ve got the gun,” Tangle said, and Sonic took a step back as she hefted a heavy, dark blue-grey weapon in her hands. Once again, her smile was manic; it was not at all hard to believe that she had destroyed all the targets in the yard with glee. “Show me how to work this thing!”

“You got it!” Tails dropped back down to the grass, and leaned closer to Tangle as he started to give her a detailed run-down of the gun: the trigger mechanism, magnetism strength modification slider, the whole works. Sonic shook his head, and as Tangle nodded fervently along with Tails’ instructions, bounded up onto the roof to sit beside the rickies and watch the chaos that was about to unfold.

Tails was a smart, strong, and brave kid. But he also was still a kid. More specifically still, he was—and always would be, no matter how old they got—Sonic’s kid brother.

Tails indicated a hunk of scrap metal on the other side of the yard. Tangle took aim and fired. The magnet gun’s magnetic beam worked as intended; it secured the scrap metal in a vibrating grasp, and propelled it straight back at Tangle at alarming speed. Heeding Tails’ shouted warning, Tangle spun herself in several circles, swinging the scrap metal around her, before she released it and sent it flying. It crashed clear through a tree, and made a strong dent in the tree behind it. Tails, delighted, saved the video on his tablet as Tangle crowed in triumph.

No matter how much he wished he could, Sonic couldn’t stop the bad things from happening. And no matter what he said, he knew he couldn’t make Tails feel like he could slow down on making an armory big enough to outfit the entire world—at least, not for long. But whatever nightmares bugged Tails at night, or spurred him to develop new guns and rockets during the day . . . well, maybe Sonic couldn’t dispel them completely, but a chill weekend of video games and junk food definitely couldn’t hurt.

Tails retrieved the scrap metal and set it out so Tangle could give the magnet gun another go, and Sonic leaned back comfortably against the roof to watch the show.

#IDW sonic #miles tails prower #tangle the lemur #cool tail buddies #sonic the hedgehog #unbreakable bond #and a little Whispangle angst in there because I am incorrigible (but also not at all sorry)#the comics want to have Metal call Tails unworthy & then do nothing with it? fine. then i will write the angst MYSELF #and throw in Whispangle angst for good measure because boy howdy do I love those lesbians and can't WAIT for them to reunite #anyway Tangle is a Cool Big Sis and I love her. She ties with Sonic as my second favorite Sonic series character #(Tails and Whisper tie as my first favorite. honestly tho it's a very close contest. I love all four of them so goddamn much)#you know that scene in season two of Gravity Falls when Mabel is firing the fireworks rocket and she goes ''I AM A GOD OF DESTRUCTION!!'' ?#that's Tangle testing out Tails' gear lmao #Sonic just wasn't there for that part (also bc Tails' rocket launcher isn't finished yet. but Soon)#anyway. back to running the prayer circle that Tangle and Whisper get to show up in Frontiers somehow #a woman can dream #fic fix #OH and the fic title comes from ''The Wrecked & the Worried'' by NateWantsToBattle. one of my faves #sth

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tragedykery · 1 year

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screaming at the top of my lungs TANÉ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok that’s all

#the priory of the orange tree #miduchi tané #tané #roots of chaos #tpotot #I am. sososo normal about her #girl who just read the part where nayimathun and tané talk after tané has rescued her voice I have a normal amount of feelings about this #just. god tané and nayimathun is so so so dear to me #tané’s self-hatred and guilt and fear and feeling of unworthiness (and let’s be real depression) and how nayimathun helps her through it #she cares for her and helps her and accepts her for who she is and what she has done #even if she is ‘impure’ and she has made mistakes and hurt people #she is worthy. she has the blood of the sea and the sea is not always pure. she has a dragon’s heart.#just. god. I love their relationship so much and both times tané loses nayimathun always nearly break me #r #roc #where’s that post I made about her #elli rambles

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flickerintwilights · 7 months

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(*slides onto main with my niche progression fantasy book fandom*) listen why I’ve become so gay for thelys after eotw is just like. the AA1 flashback shows therin sacrificing herself for ria and the others. she tells them to go, to run, and she faces vaelien alone. (and for the first and last time, she falls.) that was there before eotw, and I assumed, to stay as close to our therin crumbs as possible, that it meant therin was dutiful and serious and kind and selfless, a guardian, a protector. (and she loved ria selys. that was never in doubt.)

and then I read eotw, and the smiling sword saint happened, this beautiful piece of shit with sharp words and uncaringly rough edges and the capacity to tear apart a landmass with a motion of her lips, who was glad to hear that she ended in a two-sun blaze of glory, who was eager for a good fight and fully confident she would win because she always does. because there are blades in her breath and in her skin.

and she wielded a sword with a handle of white stone. she never transitioned from the body she was born in, the one she shouldn’t have had. the sword of her rival-killer was marked with golden runes for every life it took. he stood in part shadow.

so she was therin.

and that changed things. that meant that this fucking asshole was the person who stayed behind and gave her life to give the people she cared about a chance. this was the person who held ria close and ran her fingers through her hair. this was who loved her.

#tldr: augh fuck i love that therin APPEARED and got CHARACTERIZATION #but i love her like im really gay #also awesome trans rep in eotw i died #therin #thelys #the lost edge #edge of the woods spoilers #just in case lmao #arcane ascension #anyway if anyone actually sees this and has no idea what i’m talking about other than lesbians #read sufficiently advanced magic and the silence of unworthy gods and read edge of the woods.#no there is no context. yes there are two whole books between sam and tsoug. they are all by #andrew rowe #i’m adding ‘write a fic for them’ to my to-do list. it is one of many fic ideas i suddenly am having and needing to write.#they are all going after ‘homework’. no i don’t like it either but what can you do

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tortelloniboi · 1 year

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hear me out here:

hermie unworthy listens to fiona apple

#he sings along in his room super dramatically #he knows all the lyrics #dndads #hermie unworthy #am i projecting bc i found fiona apple last week and now love her? yes.#hermie the unworthy #my hcs

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 months

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thinking about how of course billions is about people trapped in eternal battle world, and trapped because they won't ever exit, and don't want to because that's the only way they can define their idea of themself or like move through life, to the degree they have to just create or find another battle if one ends or they don't have enough going on at once or they're unhappy about anything & can only respond to that the only way they'll respond to anything: finding someone to consider a target to Defeat & being like nice, i'm so competent & active as a person, so with any other issues in my life, i'm sure it's not my fault at least

and it's been clear that to be someone at the Center of the show means needing to be inflexible enough to never leave that life, which also probably means never engaging in genuine self-reflection besides like, fuming in distress for 5 sec & then immediately searching for blame for someone else, or calling up your designated moral supporter who'll tell you you're upset b/c you're very complex & sympathetic & maybe if you do [xyz] you'll be able to Keep Winning, so like, don't worry, we'll never get too off track here. you have someone like connerty who cares so much about playing by the rules ft. ethics, but he was also someone completely inflexible who would give a shit like "ha ha you broke the law" and be Defeated b/c like yeah damn you do got him in that situation. he may then have gained the flexibility to throw a punch when he's already imprisoned but he's still just gotta retire & pursue some completely different goals

this in contrast with like, what a coincidence (surely not) that the more flexible characters are the ones who also do introspect & reflect & genuinely think about & question themselves ever, & how even beyond that, being in this world of people who overwhelmingly are thee opposite & aiming for a static sense of self & thus strategy for navigating life & all interactions & situations, the more reflective parties also tend to accept both Blame & the fruitlessness of pushing for more/different/better from the people & relationships & situations they're amongst. those willing to take on responsibility at all surrounded by people casting all of it off, always, w/the former already primed to take blame & the latter primed to be looking to find the blame in anyone else, a powerful mismatch....which allows the flexible parties to also put up with shit for longer lol like if they got fed up that quickly or recognized the dead-end here they'd just leave the show lol. like wow can't believe taylor spent their whole life already stuck having to deal with someone who's so very much like these bullshit central men & those trying to emulate them, & perhaps also then have a lifetime of experience extending endless patience & sympathy with little to no expectations for more from people who put up with such a bullshit man & his effects on everything around him, like, what do you mean taylor's mom hasn't seen them b/c douglas didn't want to see them b/c he wasn't yet motivated enough to have to exercise begrudging shows of basic respect. whilest sure seems like taylor felt more concern & basically stated their responsibility re: trying to make their relationship with their dad work / basically take on the task of making his life work for him according to his sense of himself (genius! who deserves the recognition thusly!) and doesn't seem to take on this role re: their mom, who nevertheless is just presumed to move closer to them along w/douglas. and here's taylor never truly putting their foot down re: wendy, no matter what, able to have no real positive expectations in how wendy treats them or thinks of them, but also always able to extend sympathy / decent treatment themself

thinking of like team ben out here as the Nicer axe cap or mpc people who also happen to be people absorbing the L's, blaming themselves for being at the bottom of the hierarchy & being subjected to the always negative treatment doled out to them accordingly, and, winstonesquely, still generally like extending genuine gestures of amicability, efforts of constructive actual communication, etc, & this being shut down & likely punished by all the people around them who won't handle that kind of thing. that Of Course nobody's actually supported around here, like, at best they'll get some kind of "well you're actually talented & valuable :)...." (so why aren't they already treated in a way such that they're aware of this?) "....so just have more confidence already god!" wherein (a) again that just means it's Their Fault that they're having a miserable time at the hands of others & (b) their having "confidence" doesn't really mean like, an emotional buffer between their sense of self-esteem & the message of inferiority in how they're treated, it has to mean externally acting different in some ways, more like A Winner, more like everyone else. the limits of ben trying to sometimes be a buffer for tuk as that kind of friend/mentor role, where either it simply fails or ben's Help is more unilateral "correction." that generally only any increase in aggressive hostility gets them anywhere, and really not that far.

the way dollar bill could always act however he wanted & they could always clean up his messes / save him from himself / just flatout blame other people for what dollar bill did to them or someone else; success in being a mini axe in that way for sure. dollar bill going off the rails over his literal dollar bill & that's not a problem, he's validated b/c he's upset, & b/c rudy knew he'd be upset it's really all rudy's fault....who just so happens to be more of a loser, what with his glasses & possible masturbation ever and all. whilest even when dollar bill is like every season being shit at his job & life, well, just find a loser to trounce while everyone ignores this, cheers you on, takes on responsibility for fixing things for you, blames the person targeted probably. dollar bill couldn't even do in office transphobic hate crime physical attacks, or that but while yelling the r word at the autistic guy he's already harrassing & threatening, without it being really basically the target's fault, & hey, as long as no investors are watching. and we're still dragging dollar bill back to the office b/c uhhh yeah!!

& then of course there's winston, who, like a loser, says things in real efforts for real communication with others, that they winningly can only bring themselves to respond to as "he's not allowed to talk, that's out of line, i have to punish/deny this to reassert our respective status" except for, sometimes, taylor actually communicating in turn, or even simply receiving the information. winston in a duo with the very winning & worthy rian, being something of a quasirival for 5 seconds but even during then, and since, trying to be amicable to establish an actually positive dynamic, trying for actual communication, engaging flexibly & actively based on her feedback & her terms & etc to try to find some more success; versus rian completely inflexible, unwilling to respond to efforts to communicate, unwilling to have an actual relationship with any flexibility & genuineness in turn, or see winston as a person of course, and engage with real emotions. which is hardly an exclusive response of hers, like, everyone else is just the same, she's just also the one interacting with him more often and personally bullying him & standing next to him & immediately responding with clear contempt when he tries things like earnest expressions of "hey rian could you not do what you just did b/c it makes me feel like shit, probably b/c that's what you're trying to do" and "hey that was cool what you just did b/c it makes me feel like—" b/c like, what a loser. real winners cannot handle engaging with another person as a person. when you can just make up & stick to a narrative about "oh but i don't hate winston, who i feel is inherently beneath me. i wouldn't wanna feel bad about killing him, not when i could feel fine about administering more of a death by a thousand cuts with some other people helping out & hey maybe it was their cut that did it after all....but also if you're like 'pwease' then eh sure" or that winston's got a lesser inner existence anyways, some classic dehumanization, no complexity there, & hurting him isn't real, & it'd never be you in his position anyways! especially the more you're buying into "yeah i'm more of a person / more deserving / more real & sympathetic & correct than him :)" & being cheered on as you act that out. pretty cringe of winston to be earnest, flexible, openly trying & wanting & needing things, sounds bad & silly. unlike the winners around him who really cannot handle him or any of these things about him. of course near equivalent in loserness, tuk, is the person with the realest most amicable relationship with him. both of them too incompetent to realize their mutual failings in this, ha ha, real winners are repulsed & fleeing & can't handle a basic exchange with either of them. and the imbalance re: how little others are willing to give them in interest, consideration, time, words, etc, while they're always trying Too Much re: the disinterested others, totally proves their unworthiness

winston and tuk always having to stay at the bottom of the hierarchy, winston only able to be shitted on even as he extricates himself, ending up surrounded by people who will only act "correctly" according to their superior roles & this mf wags only processing anything as "did that reinforce my being a correct/winning person???" & only responding by trying to reassert to others how much of a winner they are, which requires establishing a loser, and crushing them. winston having recognized / gotten fed up with a bullshit scenario & had realistic expectations of those around them & spent those years being treated like shit yet never crushing an enemy to restore his ego & also spent those years trying to communicate and work with others and share actual info and make actual connections & now independently choosing to make a big shift in his life so that things can be different? is definitely the contemptible loser here while everyone else looks very good faffing around for an episode getting some temporary ego boosts & being very "correct" in every response to winston, even pointing out that rian even noticing something genuine & positive from winston in the absence of it anywhere is first & foremost incorrect, which rian will Also immediately drop in the face of that "well yeah it's more correct to prioritize Anything else. like that he's pathetic & mpc 5ever" like wuh oh rian being doomed from 5x08 "time to embrace acting more correct now" & being truly inflexible from that point on, never had a moment of conflict not resolved by [ignoring that] &/or again just getting someone more correct to declare how it'll be answered. taylor at their most flexible and Taylorest and most juxtaposed with central men & static ossified "winners" when they are also at their best in engaging with winston. taylor Like winston & vice versa in so many substantial & interesting ways, despite their relating to / sympathizing with / devoting much more effort & interest to people more like the central men. that here we are, when taylor might have to give up on Being A Winner, someone who'll walk away with status & resources & a seamless transition into some established business foundation, to really get the wins that matter, against pince, &/or to clock out of a sunk cost factory, &/or to not have strangled every part of themself that can be in conflict with this general situation into eternal dormancy. don't You dare blame latency lol, the taylor who gets to exist outside the conditional "well i guess you're a winner who's very useful to me, like dumping work on you & blaming you if it goes awry. and you can act like a Real winner in the ways that really matter (crushing people)"....is also a taylor who can be rejected & shut down & shut out & have their value denied & be treated shittily despite even knowing they'd be / are good at this shit, superlatively even, & could never feel okay just being regarded as a tool stashed away at someone's disposal. & Has been treated shittly & is liable to accept blame, unilateral responsibility for other's selves & feelings & actions & lives, & marinate in self-loathing. while people who refuse any introspection, questioning, responsibility, awareness, etc, & refuse to handle the least of genuine interactions/relationships with others as real people, are glad to scoff at them & dismiss them & imply or assert their superiority, like, wow have You got a lot to learn, or maybe you can't b/c you're inherently inferior. all just like re: winston!

tl;dr shoutout to the flexible characters who like can & do reflect & change things up actually, just so happening to always be Losing for this in the [only way to win is not to play] arena of fake winners seeing if they can consider themselves superior to everyone else & only even possibly correct always & forever, in the pyramid scheme of social hierarchy & also capitalism

#real winners quit! it's winston #society if rian Wasn't quickly boxed in & given the ''prominence'' of being Used for other characters #and where we could more truly have this like triumvirate of seeing yourself in both the other two parties in tmc lol #almost a similar fate re: lauren showing up Worthily Yet Zanily! then Most offbeatness falls away / dating is in the bg #& she's mostly Around & doing general [just competent things] But she was also flexible enough to do things Wrong actually / be doomed lol #which we Knew b/c of the relationship that billions would only eventually crush as the Cost of xyz....#rian's offbeatness mostly gone too; ''what am i gonna do next!'' Conveniently/contradictorily; going Bazinga; snark instead of aggression #general [just competent things] that'll last until ppl quit last minute; if they do. she started out secretly pretty inflexible already #& is really locked in by now; very similar to wendy who also never really considered ditching her life of ''i love to feel like i'm toying #w/ppl's lives & enabling some mf with more power'' & really isn't that different from prince; who tf else isn't also totally inflexible #team ben's endurance come from what insulation / teamwork they can find w/each other & just staying out of the way really #& also just the writing like ''of course they can & will stick around for years despite how they're treated. bit of Loser Feelings as #Lesser Feelings after all b/c haha i mean come on they may be nice but do they seem Epic to you?''#which is just as true / even more so re: winston. until he; in another [the Actual winner's move]; finally leaves #and gets like the most bass boosted [WHAT A FUCKING LOSER] treatment on his way out b/c what else could or would anyone do #winston billions #anyways he & the Loser Nerds like him have so much more maturity & flexibility & allowed capacity for actual growth lol. cringe comp!!#and this may be at all on purpose Of Course. show's aware central ppl are peak shit & intractible. show also does think winston's a loser #&/or is certainly trying to have their cake and eat it too with him and like tuk as well & even to a degree w/e goes on w/spyros etc etc #and Illustrating a lot of the ''deserved'' aspect through static inflexible Assumed Universal Facts abt what seems wrong & unworthy #like fucking yourself literally! objectively Bad. having glasses. knowing the diff b/w a vagina & vulva. not being ''''attractive''''#[jumpscare of Blaring Tangent dialogue abt that all overlaid on itself into 1 second of 9000 decibels]#taylor is also Flexible re: philip who is Flexible re: them in turn. definitely Something and Promising as has been established lol #visit taylip hq nothingunrealistic.tumblr.com for so much more. and this blog for [thinking abt winston] hq in turn. covering ground

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elsaqueenofstress · 2 years

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"how many people simply don't consider [riffnita] or find it offensive (it's not!!!)" ma'am multiple people have explained why we do not consider them and why we find their pairing offensive. please stop trying to make latin people and people of color look or feel like assholes for not shipping a woman of color with a (weirdly beloved) white supremacist for the sake of "enemies to lovers" thank you <3

#notes #you do not! fucking! care! about anita! much less understand her! if you think she would randomly sleep with riff in your little fantasy #wss demonstrates the societal structures that are meant to crush hope and and deny love for those it deems unworthy #it ALSO shows how in internalizing these messages individuals (including the jets!) can further destroy hope & love before they occur #tony & maría's story (whether you believe they were compatible or not) is about them trying to overcome those barriers but failing #because of the ~society~ they live in and the hatred that has seeped from it into the individuals it oppresses #[even though this hatred reached the sharks as well people are a little too eager to characterize them as the violent ones considering–#–they are just trying to stop hate crimes from occurring while living their lives]#so no it is NOT about 'hehe enemies to lovers! love is possible!!'#riff is complicit in denying peace and mocking the national identity to nuyoricans so why the fuuuck would anita be like. Smash #think about that and then come tell me that im being RACIST for not shipping him with anita bc i think she deserves better than him #why does everyone obsess over him. why does everyone love him. what am i missing. [these are rhetorical questions]#the manips of them are soooo. like maybe if you have exactly two scenes of them together #(each of which lasts <5 seconds)#that should tell you something #even if the blatant xenophobia doesn't!#west side story #riff #anita #riffnita #riff x anita

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starlesseyes · 2 years

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#hello it's 4 am and i'm lonely #i feel very disconnected from everyone in my life #like not to sound like a 14yo emo on main but no one understands me lmao #i just want to be with someone who feels like home #someone who loves the things i love and not just because i love them so we can actually bond over them and i won't feel like a fuckin freak #or worse that i'm just being tolerated or they're not even listening to me and just zoning out while i gush over things #i can literally feel when people don't care about what i'm talking about and it makes me feel so small and stupid and humiliated and LONELY #lately my best friend has been telling me how sad she is bc she feels like no one will ever love her romantically #and it hurts me to hear bc i know she's wonderful and deserving of love but i can't possibly convince her of that yknow #and it's weird bc i feel this way about myself too but i don't think much about it? or i didn't before she started telling me how she felt #like before this i was just coming to terms with my last relationship and thinking about the self work i wanna do before i try dating again #but lately i've been crying every single night thinking i'll never get my shit together and therefore no one will ever want to date me #like i truly feel unworthy of romantic love #ugh i probably should just let myself go to sleep when i have these thoughts lmao instead of staying up and dwelling on them #i'm definitely sleepy enough #i just don't want tomorrow to come bc then i'll have to go to work again. i want to enjoy the peaceful nighttime just a little bit longer.

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81folklore · 7 months

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dress - SV5 - part 2

pairings: sebastian vettel x famous!reader (fc: taylor swift)

summary: its known that seb has been married for a few years now despite the public never seeing is wife, its also known that yn is in a committed relationship and has been since she disappeared from public eye. maybe they are more connected than people realise

authors note: part two because i didnt realise how long it had gotten but im allergic to actually writing.. also i apologize for the first part literally just being build-up.. i honestly didnt know about the 30 pic limit so...

authors note 2: i used google translate for the german so i hope its correct, also i dont know if petnames like darling or sunshine are used in germany but i had to use them

authors note 3: i actually hate how this turned out :/ but it was very hard to actually get my thoughts onto the page so this will do! this is part 2 so go read part 1 first!!

part 1 part 3 masterlist

ynupdates

liked by user5, user77, olliebearman and 45,920 others

YN IN THE F1 PADDOCK TODAY, I REPEAT YN IN THE PADDOCK

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user77: sorry i dont follow f1, i thought the races were on sundays?

user5: dont be sorry! today is qualifying and tomorrow is the race!

user5: SHES THERE I CANT STAY CALM

user91: does anyone know who she was with in those photos of her by the track?

user5: sebastian vettel and mick schumacher!

user6: SHE WAS WATCHING QUALIFYING WITH SEB AND MICK?? SEB VETTEL?? AND MICK SCHUMACHER?? OH LORDDD

user12: i thought i would survive.. i lied

ynupdates

liked by user5, user20, user99 and 101,782 others

seems like yn is with redbull at todays race looking as gorgous as ever!

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user5: OH OH OH OH

user5: SHE IS STUNING HOLY

user20: her style recently has been AMAZING

user68: out of every team i think redbull would have been one of my last guesses

user6: THE WAY SHE IS WITH REDBULL AND SPENT QUALIFYING WITH REDBULLS GOLDEN BOY OH I FEEL SICK

user99: i love her so much

user42: at least her team will win

user591: IS SHE WEARING A WEDDING RING??

user618: i think so?? honestly i wouldnt be surprised shes very private and has been with her partner for almost 8 years so no wonder he popped the question

user90: i need her to be at every gp

ynupdates

liked by charles_leclerc, user55, user81 and 234,891 others

yn on stage performing dress during the post-race concert at suzuka! as far as we know it was a complete surprise, she came on to sing dress then left. this is her second time performing it to a live audience!

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user81: WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO HEAR DRESS LIVE

user5: charles and seb were both spotted watching her from the side of the stage!

user81: charles taking seb to see his favorite artist..what if i cried

user55: i cant believe i lost dress twice without even knowing i could lose it😭

user8: i hope she had so much fun, ive missed her doing stuff like this :’)

user12: apparently she was laughing and looking off stage at someone throughout, possibly her partner?

user1: SHE AWLAYS LOOKS SO GOOD

user13: so much content this weekend..im going to have major withdrawls

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, mickschumacher and 13,712,847 others

four years ago i was given the pleasure of marrying my best friend

i am unable to really put into words how much meeting you and getting to spend the rest of my life with you has changed my life seb, but i tell you i love you enough daily that i hope you understand

when we first met i had no idea how much you would impact me and the way i think, but you have helped me become the woman i am today and i am forever grateful for that

i often feel unworthy of the life you have given me, the life we have together. i wonder how i got to be the one you love and cherish and i know how lucky i am to be the one you spend your life with

you gave me your heart and i promise to look after it for as long as im here, i promise to keep it safe and i know you will look after mine

danke, dass du mich liebst, danke, dass du dich um mich kümmerst. (thank you for loving me, thank you for taking care of me) Ich verspreche, dich bis zu meinem letzten Atemzug zu lieben. (I promise to love you until my last breath) Ich werde nie aufhören, dich zu lieben, Mein Sonnenschein. (I will never stop loving you, my sunshine)

tagged: sebastianvettel

comments on this post have been limited

sebastianvettel: Danke, dass du dein Herz geöffnet hast und mich dich lieben lässt, mein Schatz (Thank you for opening your heart and letting me love you, my darling)

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, lewishamilton and 8,728,712 others

I won the most important race. It was the race into the heart of the love of my life, yn. I love you.

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yourusername: 🩵🩵🩵

user5: I CANT DO THIS STOP

user12: hes so sweet :(

user18: ive known about them for a total of 2 minutes but i love them already🫡

user6: dress was written about him…

user71: i feel ill wehn will i get posted like this

sebastianvettel

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, landonorris and 10,120,859 others

the sunshine of my life

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yourusername: i love you so much

lewishamilton: very happy for you mate!

user13: THEY LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH OH MY GOD😭😭

landonorris: 🥹🥹

user82: DRESS WAS WRITTEN BY HER FOR HIM AND HE WAS PROUD OF IT OH LORD

user5: literally my favorite people in the entire universe🫶

user19: still in shock that theyve been married for four years

#f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 smau #f1 social media au #social media au #formula 1 insta au #formula 1 social media au #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel fanfic #sebastian vettel #famous!swift!yn

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norrizzandpia · 4 months

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hello, firstly i would like to say ur writing is phenomenal!! secondly i wanted to request something like the reader having some insecurities or just social media making her feel unworthy of lando thank u 🫶🏼

Ive been hanging onto this request for a while bc i love these scenarios bc they hit so close to home and I always need to be in the right mindset for them and now i am!

Love You the Way I Do (LN4)

Summary: When Y/n starts to pull back, Lando knows exactly what to do.

Warnings: insecurities, talks of not being good enough, language

Note: the reason ive been so mia on here is because ive just been in such a bad slump and not feeling good about myself or feeling good enough in general and im starting to get out of it with a lot of time focusing on myself but i really miss it on here so im using this as a way to kind of help me cope a bit with what ive been going through recently

Y/n was never good with her emotions. Discussing them and trying to work on them, she could never reach a certain level of comfortability with the people in her life that allowed her to be that vulnerable with them. Her parents, friends, and other family members had to pry words out of her when it was clear she was struggling and no amount of therapy sessions had cured the vicious cycle. However, Lando’s peaceful presence in her life had shifted the way she operated, allowed her to open up more easily with the way he would hold her until she was ready.

He was patient, almost strategic, when it came to getting through to her. Past moments of darkness where she would try to shut him out, try to be alone in the agony, were lessons in which ways worked best to get her to realize that he was there for her, waiting with open arms and constantly ready to listen.

Easing her mind, that was Lando’s job and he was damn good at it.

He could always tell when there was a war going on beneath the walls of her head. When she would go quiet or laugh just a bit less, he caught on fast. Just like now, as he sat on the couch in their shared apartment and watched her talk to her sister on the phone in the kitchen, Lando clocked the way she wasn’t as smiley, as excited to talk to one of her favorite people in the world.

“Thursday? No, I can’t do Thursday. I’ve got some stuff to do.” She mumbled into the speaker. Lando could hear her sister respond, something about Y/n being too busy, but he couldn’t truly digest the words, too engrossed in his own mind wondering what she had Thursday.

If he remembered correctly, she had nothing scheduled.

The second sign; distancing herself from people close to her and staying inside unhealthily.

She paced the room, rounding each corner of the counter as she bit the nail on her thumb, “Friday, no… next Monday, no… next Wednesday, no…”

Their conversation continued that way until her sister gave up on trying to find a date, muttering about letting her know when the next date Y/n was available was, and hung up. His girlfriend set the phone down on the marble, head falling forward as she huffed out a breath.

“You okay, love?” He spoke, voice hesitant as to not startle very clearly something loud in her mind.

She turned her eyes, squinting at him lightly before whispering, almost too quietly, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.”

A tired Y/n, Lando knew, warranted clinginess. That was her usual way of remedying exhaustion, curling up in his arms wherever he was and partaking in a Power Nap. Although, there was none of that as she walked out of the kitchen, turning a corner and disappearing behind their bedroom door.

Third sign; shutting Lando out, the one he hated the most.

He scrolled through his phone for a minute more, not wanting her to know he had already realized her turmoil. He wanted her to believe that his comfort was not out of pity, but love.

When the clock reached an even number, he got up from his seated position and pattered over to their door, knocking lightly.

“Y/n? Can I come in?” He said, though there was no response. He creaked the door open, seeing her frame turned away from him as it laid on their bed, her phone illuminating the room.

Because of the darkness and the only light coming from her phone, he could easily see what she was looking at. It was as clear as day and the reason for her distance, however painful, became apparent.

A twitter thread of why Luisa was better for Lando than Y/n.

It broke his heart.

He stood for a moment, taking in the scene before him and breathing deeply, and deciding his plan of action. It only took him a few seconds, although, he knew exactly what he wanted to say to her.

Lando approached her side of the bed and when his footsteps reached the ears of his beloved, she turned her phone off quickly. He kneeled down beside her, dried tears on her cheeks not going unnoticed by him. His hand cradled the side of her face that wasn’t pushed into her pillow and he kissed her forehead.

“Baby, I saw what you were looking at.” He whispered into the quiet. His green eyes bore into hers as she willed the knot in her throat to dissipate.

Lando gently took her phone from her hands, sliding it off the bed and setting it on the night stand next to him. He nudged her shoulder, signaling for her to move over so he could squeeze into her side of their massive bed. When he laid down, his arms wrapped tightly around her frame, squeezing the skin and warming it as she nuzzled her head into his chest.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? You know they’re wrong.” He tried.

Y/n pulled away from his chest, looking up at him and using her voice, albeit wobbly, “Do I know they’re wrong? Lan, you mean so much to so many people in this world, people you don’t even know the names of.”

He nodded, “Okay, yes, what does that have to do with this?”

She sniffled, “There are so many other women that could compliment you better. Women that people know the name of. Women that have made their mark on this world just like you have. I will never be able to be what you need me to be.”

Lando shook his head, her words outrageous in his mind because she was already everything he needed, just as she was.

“Y/n, what? What are you even saying? That’s crazy. You mean everything to me. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t care about anyone else, anything else. You compliment my life and my happiness perfectly. That’s all that matters.”

Wetness formed beneath her eyes once more and began to fall freely as she toyed with the hem of his shirt, “What if you wake up one day and realize that Luisa is better suited for the life you lead? What if one day you wake up and I am no longer good enough for you?”

Lando gaped at her, truly at a loss for words. In his mind, everything she was saying was so incredibly wrong, she couldn’t be farther from the truth. However, from the sadden look in her eyes, he could tell that she fully believed the things flying from her mouth. That idea, the thought that she was scared one day he would no longer cherish her in the way he does now, made him all the more determined to remind how much she matters to him and how that will never change.

“Y/n, stop. Listen to yourself. Have I ever made you feel inadequate?” He questioned, staring at her fiercely as if what she was saying made him defensive. It did in a way. He was defensive of the love he had for her, taking shame in the fact that he had made her feel as though their relationship would end.

She shook her head as he brought his fingers up to wipe at the tears still falling down her skin, “No, but-”

He brought his pointer finger to her lips, “No buts, Y/n. Listen to me when I tell you this. You have been and always be more than enough for me. You are the start and end of my day, and that is something I never want to change. Being scared that one day I’ll wake up and magically have fallen out of love with you is absolutely fucking clinically insane. It’s been two years we’ve been together, Y/n, and I still badger you at the end of the day, asking what you had done because I love to hear your voice. I love your rambles and I love the way you love me. There’s nothing that’s going to make me want to stop loving you because there’s really no going back. I’m in this with you and I always will be. You need to believe that. Believe me when I say the only way we will end is lying next to each other on our death beds with rings on our left fingers from our wedding decades ago.”

“That’s kind of morbid.” She whispered, a small smile gracing her features as his words sunk beneath her skin.

He chucked and leaned further into her, “It’s true. There will come a time where I get on one knee in front of you and beg you to be with me for the rest of our lives. There will come a time where I will stand in front of all of our friends and family, and declare my love for you and certainty over marrying you. I know these things will happen because I am interchangeably in love with you. And I know you are with me too. So, just leave social media be, baby. Stay here in this moment with me, push all those disgusting fans away and listen to my words. I love you,” He shook her head lightly in his hands as he spoke, “You are worthy of my love and love in general, and there will never come a singular moment where even the thought of leaving you passes my brain. We are it for each other, love. This is it for me.”

Her body relaxed fully into his arms and further into the bed as they stared at each other. Y/n giggled at his words and he smiled down at her, still holding her face whilst lightly rubbing excess tears in her soft skin.

A silence passed before Y/n mumbled, “I think I’m going to delete my social media platforms for a while. Take some time off and get back on track.”

Warmth swelled in Lando’s chest, threatening to spill out from his mouth at overwhelming amounts of it within his body.

“I’m so proud of you, love.” He whispered, leaning in to kiss her softly. He pecked her lips lovingly, sweet nothings spilling from his mouth in the form of the warmth that had been drowning him.

They stayed that way for a few hours, both falling in out of sleep in the arms of the other. And when crickets chirped and the clock read an ungodly time, Lando pulled Y/n from bed, into their bathroom, where he showed her how much he loved her. A bath, some face masks, and low music that he made her dance with him along to, all worked as ways for him to tangibly exude the feelings he had for her. No longer were the ex’s of his past, no longer were jealous fans, no longer were thoughts of unworthiness.

Just him, her, and the love that would never die out.

713 notes · View notes

candyk0rn · 7 months

Text

Cuddles : BG3

It’s been a while! I hope you’re all doing great, and I’m sorry for once more going on a forever break lol. But of course, Baldurs Gate 3 brainrot is so real

Before reading: Fluff, headcanons, Astarion, Lae’Zel, Gale, Shadowheart x reader (separate), gn reader

Astarion:

“Oh? I see you still can’t say no to my endless charm..”

At the beginning of the relationship, touches and prodding aren’t uncommon

Anything that can bring your attention to him

It takes a while and a lot of convincing from you that his somewhat risqué touches was not all that pleased you

And eventually he can even process that you don’t just love him for his body

Although hard for him to realize, with your help he can

So after your relationship has really blossomed and grown, his touches become softer, calmer, more intimate

Nights by the crackling fire, you in his lap, his hand massaging your nape

His fingers are dangerously cold against your skin, but there’s a sense of comfort that comes with the chill

Although he will brush off your reassurance as pitiful and unneeded..

Please reassure him omg

For the longest time, he will surely believe you are like all his other conquests,

Seduced by him and his charms

But just small whispers of love into his ear, your comforting touch against his skin

That’s enough for him.

Gale:

“Come with me, we shall rest under the stars tonight.”

I am of the firm believer that Gale is horribly touch-starved, poor man

Taken advantage of by his own Goddess, thinking that that is the best he would ever be able to do

Then when you come along, it all changed

His thoughts about himself seem to change, his standards seem to change, his love seems to change

He cares so much about you, he cannot help but think he is not worthy

That a cursed, unfaithful man as himself could never even breathe the same air as you

But all of his doubts and worries seem to melt away when you two hold one another underneath the stars

Your fingers lovingly combing through his hair as he rambles on about something he is passionate about

Wether it be a book, his expertise in magic, or Tara (lmao)

Others would shove him off as a show-off, annoying, etc

But you are so willing to hear him go on and on, that he can’t help but love you

His index finger instinctively draws shapes into your back when you hold each other

When he’s cuddled up with you, his worries that today might be his last don’t even cross his mind

He’s more worried about you, how you feel, if you’re comfortable

He doesn’t care if tonight is the last night he shall ever see you

He’d rather die tomorrow than live for an eternity never knowing you

Lae’Zel:

“Chk..I do not take part in worthless acts of intimacy.”

Lae’Zel is not much of a ‘cuddles’ person

Like at all…

She’d rather feel the thrill of battle with you, bathing in the blood of your enemies

Her way of loving is slaughtering anyone who even just looks at you the wrong way

But, if you’re particularly lucky, or especially down

She can’t help but..pity you

In her mind, it’s such a disgusting feeling. This ‘love’ makes her weak, but she cannot run from it no matter how much she tries

The most touch you’ll get from her will only occur in private

A hand perched protectively on your hip or waist

Her head slumped on your shoulder when you’re on watch for the night

acts like this, although small

It means so,so much from her

And she’ll kill you if you go telling Shadowheart about how ‘sweet’ she was being last night

Shadowheart:

“My love…ugh. I’m still not used to calling someone that.”

Shadowheart is lost when it comes to you

Not only is she horribly confused that you of all people would love her

She’s confused as to how she’s supposed to love you

Her entire life, for what she can remember, she’s never been shown comfort or remorse

If she did something wrong, she was punished

She doesn’t remember a single moment in her life when she was loved the way you love her

And although grateful, she feels unworthy

Hugs are common with her, of course in private, but common nonetheless

When she hold you in her arms, the pads of her fingers massage your back lovingly, worried if she lets go, you’ll flee

Let! Her! Play! With! Your! Hair! 🙏🏻

And please play with hers omg

At night, she’ll let her hair down and allow your hands to explore her long, black (or white) locks

Your touch sends shivers down her spine, a feeling she’s not used to, but craves so much

She truly hopes that you’ll never leave her, for now that she has tasted your touch,

She never wants that sensation to leave

Thanks for reading!

1K notes · View notes

b00kdiary · 2 months

Note

Okay I've been debating about requesting this. However, I think you would do this lovely.

Reader is shopping for her wedding dress and is really excited only for the workers. They treat her terribly for her size and make her feel uncomfortable, so she leaves trying on only like 2 dresses and feels icky and when her mate (Cassian) wants to cuddle he can sense somethings off especially when he evades his touch.

Take some liberties with it. But I had this experience recently with my bridesmaids, and we didn't feel insecure, but we all left feeling really angry and upset

Full disclosure I did write something similar to this with Rhys, but I would honestly love your take with Cassian because I think you write him beautifully 😍

Mine | Cassian

Cassian X Plus Size reader

Y/N goes wedding dress shopping and is confronted with females who make it clear that they think she’s unworthy of being Cassian’s mate, that she shouldn’t be his wife. Cassian shows her just how fucking wrong they are.

Warning: Mature themes (18+), swearing, body image issues and mean comments, fluff, angst and Mild Smut. (A/N to the lovely person who requested this I am sorry this happened to you, and I hope this work is how you'd like!)

MASTERLIST - 1 and 2

"A size 18?"

The female before me asked again – for the third fucking time.

And just like the first and second, her beautiful face twisted, lips curling in a cruel smirk, blue eyes widening and her tone – I could hear the condescension in it. But what really took the cake was how her eyes raked down my figure, from head to toe looking at me like I was dirt on her shoe.

"Yes," Mor breathed, speaking sharply through her clenched teeth. I glanced sidelong at her, nervous at the anger simmering in her golden eyes. "She said that already. Thrice."

The female's eyes slid from me to Mor, and she had the good sense to look uneasy at the blonde's wrathful expression. I kept my face neutral when she met my gaze, a faux-innocent smile on her pink lips before she dipped her head in a bare nod and scurried away.

I glared as her long, slender legs carried her, shapely hips and slim waist swaying with every graceful movement. No wonder why she was looking at me like I was the fucking elephant in the room. She was tiny, as was every other worker in this stupid shop.

"I am going to pluck her eyes from her head," Mor seethed quietly from beside me. I turned to her, bracing my hands on my soft hips as I met her furious frown. "And tear her tongue from her mouth. She is awful."

"Yes, she is," I chuckled, pushing down the ache in my chest as I met Mor’s stare. I wouldn’t let her meanness affect me. Nor would I let Mor try and defend my honour. “But we’re here for a wedding dress, this is meant to be fun. Just ignore her.”

Mor sighed, tucking the strands of her long blonde hair from her face. I gave her a hopeful smile and I could see her physically forcing down her anger for my sake. A second later her golden eyes met mine and she beamed.

“You’re right, this is meant to be fun,” Mor grabbed my hand, smirking as she tugged me along the shop floor to the dressing room, passing the dozens and dozens of gorgeous gowns. “And you're going to marry your mate. Cassian is one lucky male.”

We passed a group of female workers, re-organising the rack – and it was almost comical how they all halted at Mor’s words, eyes widening. Mor’s smirk broadened and she shot them a cruel, amused look.

“Mate and soon-to-be wife of General Cassian of the Night Court,” Mor continued, feigning ignorance to the group of females now listening. Their faces ashen as they flickered their gaze to and from me. “You really do need the perfect dress.”

I rolled my eyes at her gloating tone, slapping her hand in mild scolding as we stopped before the dressing room doors. I tried to ignore how the workers watched me, but I could feel their deadly stares boring holes into my back, all over my body – I could feel the awful judgement.

“I think the one we chose will be perfect,” Mor continued, oblivious to the stares I was getting and the whispers behind my back. I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing an easy smile onto my lips as she gushed. “The neckline, the bodice, the skirt – Cassian won’t know what hit him.”

“Let’s wait and see if they have my size first,” I muttered, drumming my fingers impatiently as we waited. Mor shot me a look, frowning but I just stared ahead. I didn’t want her to feel bad for me.

“If this store doesn’t another will,” Mor said, her tone a shade softer now. “Besides, we have the best tailors in Velaris, we could have a gown fit for a queen made for you if you wanted. I know Cassian would want nothing less than the best for you. So do the rest of us.”

A gown fit for a queen. Something fit for the mate of the General. The thought made me feel nauseous for some reason. Still, I gave Mor another smile, nodding along as if I liked the idea.

Mercifully, the female worker arrived before Mor could press me anymore about what I thought. Or unmercifully if the fake smile she wore as she approached was any indication. Or how she held that size 18 dress like the largeness of it might rub off on her.

Mor was right. She is fucking awful.

“Here we are,” She chirped, draping the bag over my arm with more force than necessary. She eyed the dress, disdain in them. “Size 18. Sadly, that is the largest we do. So, hopefully, it fits.”

Hopefully sounded more like I hope it doesn’t – sounded like she wanted to laugh at me when it didn’t.

“Hopefully,” I gritted out, shooting her a bland smile before walking away without another word.

Mor chuckled quietly as she followed after me, leaving that awful female standing there – dismissed. Perhaps it was mean, I was not someone who was ever rude to staff and yet this woman had brought that side out of me.

She’d also brought out the side of me that felt sick with nerves at the idea of trying this dress on.

***

Mor began crying the second I stepped out of the changing rooms wearing the dress.

“Oh Cauldron,” She laughed, red-painted nails coming to her face, wiping the endless tears away. I smiled as I descended the steps moving toward the mirrors. “You look beautiful, Y/N. Truly, you’re a dream.”

I smiled at my friend; throat too tight to voice how much her words meant to me. My legs shook a little as I moved toward the mirrors. The dress had fit, and she was right – I did look like a dream.

“Gods, it’s beautiful,” I whispered, voice shaking. I ran my trembling hands along the tight-laced bodice, down the soft silk material as it draped along my curved hips and fell in soft, elegant weaves down my thighs and to the floor.

It fit me like a glove. The simple, sweetheart neckline accentuated my chest, the bodice moulded perfectly against my waist and hips and the material looked rich, looked like it was made for a queen.

“You’re beautiful,” Mor said softly, coming to stand behind me in the mirror, tears glistening in her eyes as she ran her hands through my hair, “I think this might be the dress.”

“I think so too,” I laughed, my eyes burning with emotion as I stared at myself. Beautiful – it was a feeling I rarely experienced and yet, right now I did. I felt beautiful. “This is my dress.”

Mor shrieked, and I flinched at the shrill sound as she laughed, hugging me so tight I could scarcely breathe. I giggled, sniffing as I wrapped my arms around her slender frame, and I was beaming just as broad as she was.

Until the door cracked open.

And that female stood in the doorway. Frowning at me.

“You’ve found your dress then?” She said tightly, interrupting Mor’s elated nonsensical muttering about Cassian and the wedding and something about drinking. “It fits.”

I straightened as Mor pulled away from me, all remnants of a smile gone from her lovely face, and she was as stiff as me as we turned to that female. I swallowed as her blue eyes racked across my figure, something akin to disgust rippling like waves through her gaze.

“Yes,” I said tightly, my arms unconsciously folding over my chest. As if to shield myself from her judgment. “It fits.”

“Excellent,” She replied, sounding anything but thrilled. But still, she smiled, an ugly sight, before she beckoned Mor to follow her. “We can figure out the details while she gets out of the dress. I imagine it might take a while.”

Mor’s canines flashed and the female took a step back in surprise when Mor looked as if she might lunge for her – and rip out her throat with her teeth. But I clamped my hand down around her wrist before she could. Her golden eyes turned to me, incredulous, but I merely shook my head with a warning in my eyes.

“That’s fine,” I said sharply, meeting her blue eyes and raising my chin, “I’ll see you both in a few minutes then.”

“Fine,” Mor muttered, sighing as my fingers uncurled from her wrist. I could see the anger on her face as she followed after the female. And rightfully so, the female kept a good distance between them as they exited the room.

I released a tight breath as I moved back to the changing room, locking the door and slumping back against it once I was inside. And just like that, I felt awful again. I felt big like I was taking up too much space. I felt ugly like this dress wasn’t for me. And most of all I felt unworthy.

A mixture of anger and sorrow washed over me as I slipped out of the dress and back into my usual leggings and top. I tried to not dwell on how that female had looked at me, how swiftly she had yanked me back to reality with something as simple as her words.

It shouldn’t have mattered and yet, for some reason it did.

“Did you hear-“

I heard the soft giggling voice as I yanked my shoes on, two pairs of footsteps and rustling clothes sounding in the main part of the dressing room. Admittedly, I might have softened my movements to hear them. I had a horrible feeling I knew what they were talking about.

“The female who came in before asking for a size 18,” She whispered, spitting the size like it was acid on her tongue. My chest tightened. “She’s mated to and marrying General Cassian. Cassian who looks like a God is tied to her.”

“Cauldron spare him,” The other female choked on a laugh, and they both sounded almost sorry for him – like they pitied Cassian for having me as a mate. “The least she could have done is lose some weight for the wedding. I’m a size 2 and I would have tried to get down to a 0, never mind being her size.”

Her size.

Hot, searing embarrassment spread over me like a fire. But I forced down the humiliation and the bile twisting in my gut as I rose to my feet grabbing my purse and unlocking the door as loudly as I could. They stopped speaking and moving, instantly.

And my face was like steel as I stepped out into the main room. And watched their eyes widen, faces turning ashen. It would have been amusing if they hadn’t just torn my sense of self to shreds.

“Oh-“ One of the females gasped upon seeing me. Dumb struck. I saw them both glancing at each other, faces reddening and scrambling to find the words to explain what I had overheard.

I said nothing as I began stalking away, but I kept my face hard and my back straight as I exited the room and moved back through the shop floor. They were scurrying after me, like the rodents they were, likely to beg me not to say anything.

“Y/N!” Mor grinned as she stood at the counter, the first female and another, older female by her side, sorting through some paperwork. Mor’s smile dimmed when she saw my stormy expression. “What-“

“We’re not buying that dress,” I said simply as I stopped at the desk. All eyes latched onto me in surprise. “I won’t be buying anything from this store.”

Mor blinked at me. But upon seeing the severity on my face, the way my hands were clenched around my purse until my knuckles turned white, she didn’t push it.

“All right,” Mor nodded, dropping the papers in her hand, and slipping her bag around her shoulder. She looked at me and smiled, “Let’s go.”

“Wait. Wait-“

I glanced at the older female, seeing the confusion and panic on her face. But it was nothing compared to the panic of the female worker beside her. She looked like she might pass out.

“I’m the manager here, ladies,” The elder female said, and her eyes were kind. She seemed kind. “If you have any issues, please I will do whatever I can to remedy it.”

“You’re the manager?” I asked, and she nodded. I smiled - it was not a kind sight. “Then you should know that I intended to buy that dress, it was lovely. But I won’t.”

“Because of her,” I looked at the first female at her side, my tone as sharp as a blade. She stiffened, like a doe caught by a predator as all eyes fell to her.

“And them,” I turned back to where the two other females stood. Just as stiff, just as caught off guard. Still holding the garments, they had been fixing when they were discussing my body in the dressing room.

“I’d re-think the kind of people you employ here, how they speak and treat your customers,” I said, turning back to the eldest female. She had anger in her eyes now – like this wasn’t the first time. “Because I won’t pay to be ridiculed. And I will ensure that no female I know will come here either, not with the likes of them working here.”

“I apologise for whatever offence they caused, my dear,” She frowned, shaking her head at me. She genuinely looked upset. “I will deal with this accordingly.”

I turned my attention to the workers, to the anger and tears in their eyes. They glared at me as if this were my fault. I shot them a saccharine smile before turning, Mor on my heel as we walked away.

“Are you all right?” Mor asked me softly when we left the shop and walked back into the bustle of the main street.

“I’m fine,” I lied, keeping my eyes straight ahead. “I just want to go home. It’s been a long day.”

***

I hear Cassian and Azriel’s laughter the second Mor and I step into the house. And Cassian must sense my presence because I feel a soft brush down the bond, adoring and needy as if trying to coax me to come to him faster.

“Sweetheart,” Cassian grins the second I walk into the room, his handsome face lighting in the most breathtaking way as he rushes over to me. His arms are around me in a second, enveloping me in a great, crushing hug.

It would be sweet. Except his hands dig into the flesh at my back. I can feel my stomach pressing into his hard, carved chest. And he’s lifting me, Gods, I cringe as my feet lift off the ground and he’s bearing all my weight.

“Hey, Cass,” I mutter, trying to force an easy smile onto my lips as he drops me gently to my feet. I push at his chest, pulling free from his hold as I step back, and I don’t miss the small, confused frown he gives me. “Hey, Az.”

Azriel smiles at me, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes as I stiffly move around my mate, every inch of me hard and wilting from his loving touch.

“You don’t have any bags with you?” Cassian noted from beside me, his hazel eyes moving from Mor, who was shoving her several bags onto the counter and then to me, with none. “I thought you were going wedding shopping?”

“I didn’t find anything,” I said simply, moving on stiff legs to the dining table. I brush off Cassian’s hand on my back as I do so, and Azriel’s eyes narrow. But again, I ignore it all as I pour myself a glass of water, staring at the clear water as if fills my cup.

“That’s not true, she found a beautiful dress, the dress,” Mor said, her voice exasperated. And my fingers tightened around the glass as I brought it to my mouth and sipped. “She was going to buy it, but the workers were such assholes to her-“

“Workers?” Cassian cut in, voice sharpening. I sighed when he marched to me, towering height peering down at me with anger and concern in his eyes. “What shop? What did they say-“

“Nothing, Cass,” I kiss my teeth, brushing away the hand he brought to my face, annoyance flaring in my eyes. His frown deepened, and so did the tension in the room. “Nothing happened, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Mor argued, and my jaw clenched, as I looked away from my mate to the glass in my hand. “They were mean, Y/N and the way they spoke to you and looked at you, the way they treated you-“

“Mor!” I slammed the glass onto the table, so hard the wood shook from the impact. My sharp yell echoed through the silence as everyone stared at me – shocked. “I said it was fine. Just stop.”

Mor blinks at me, her face falling. I regret yelling at her immediately.

“I’m sorry,” She mutters, guilt in her eyes. I feel Cassian and Azriel’s attention unwavering on me and it’s too much. “I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine,” I whisper, voice shaking. My entire body is shaking as I step away from them, unable to meet anyone’s eyes. “I’m- I’m going to go get some rest.”

“Y/N,” Cassian called my name as I turned, but I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. So, I kept walking, and walking, and walking.

***

I’m sitting on the chaise in one of Cassian’s old shirts, reading and re-reading the same line in my book when he comes in.

I don’t lift my eyes from that one page, even as my heart thunders in my chest as he silently stalks over to me. I know he can hear my heavy breathing and erratic pulse; I know he can feel my sorrow in waves down the bond.

His footsteps are nearly silent as he moves toward me, and I feel his eyes like a brand on my skin. I suck in a harsh breath when he stops and drops to kneel before me. His large hands brace on my thighs, his face levels with mine and I’m shaking as I keep my eyes down.

I hear his throat work and I clamp my eyes shut when his hand comes forward, gently taking the book I wasn’t reading from my hands and discarding it on the floor beside him. So gentle, so tender, I could feel it just in the way he watched me.

“Look at me, my love,” Cassian whispers, fingers curling around my thighs. I cringe as he kneads my flesh, but his touch is adoring. “Please, look at me.”

I took in a stabilising breath before I fluttered my eyes open and lifted them to meet his. My heart broke at the pain in his eyes, that lovely face twisted with hurt as he beheld me.

“I’m fine,” I muttered. My voice broke. But still, I shook my head, trying to smile. “I’m fine Cass.”

“No, you’re not baby,” Cassian frowned, and a tear slid down from my eyes when his hand lifted and cupped my cheek, darkness in his eyes as he tracked that tear. And the next. And the next. “What happened? What did they say? I can’t fix it if I don’t know.”

My bottom lip trembled as more tears fell from my face, and Cassian released a broken, desperate groan as I tried to fight back my sobs. I curled one hand around his strong wrist, just needing to hold him, to anchor myself to his strength.

“They were looking at me like I was disgusting Cass,” I whispered, unable to say the words any louder. I kept my eyes closed as I spoke - I couldn’t face him. “Like just for existing in my body I should be ashamed.”

He shook with rage. I felt it down the bond, that primal, deadly anger that he rarely ever exhibited but when he did it was catastrophic.

“And when they heard, I was mated to you, that I would be marrying you,” Another sob broke free from me and his hand tightened at my jaw. He leaned forward, trembling as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I overheard them talking about how gorgeous you were and how fucking awful it was that you were mated to me.”

Pain danced through the bond, his pain not mine.

“And I just felt so guilty,” I breathed, sniffing as the tears leaked into my nose and mouth, as Cassian let them soak him too. “You should have a female walking down that aisle who is beautiful and thin, I didn’t even try and lose weight for the wedding, I’m sorry Cass-“

“Stop.” He snarled. And my eyes blinked open latching onto the searing, furious rage in his gaze. “Stop.”

“Cassian – “ I gasped as he grabbed me, fingers curling around my waist and hips and before I knew it, he was lifting me, spinning us so that he sat on the chaise, and I was straddling him. So fast. So easy. Like I didn’t weigh a damn thing.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” Cassian said severely, hand cupping my cheek and forcing my eyes to stay on his. I had never seen him so serious. “I’m going to speak and you’re going to listen, okay?”

I nodded slowly, blinking away the tears as I stared at him.

His hand stayed on my jaw, the other curling around my thigh and keeping my body flush with him. Every inch of me felt every inch of him. I tried not to cringe at what he could feel.

“Do not ever let anyone, male or female, make you question your worth and beauty,” He said, his voice steady and firm. So were his eyes. “Do not ever let anyone make you feel like you are not enough. You are worthy of the world and more, do you hear me?”

I swallowed, my throat painfully tight but at the command in his gaze, I nodded again.

“I should kill those females for speaking about you like that, for making you think that any inch of you is ugly,” He snarled softly, canines baring, and I hated how he frowned, wanting to rub away the crease between his brows. “You are beautiful. You are the most beautiful female I have ever seen in my life. And I thank the Mother every fucking day that she made you mine. That she made me yours.”

A tear trickled down my face. Cassian’s eyes softened and he rubbed that tear and the next away with a tender brush of his thumb.

“Don’t ever think I don’t love your body, I do, I love every curve baby, I can’t resist them,” He sighed, and my eyes fluttered as his hand began to languish across my thighs, moving over my fleshy hips and the rolls at my back with need. “I don’t want you to change anything about yourself, not for me, or a wedding, or to fit into a dress. I want you just as you are.”

“Are you sure?” I whisper, my voice so weak. And Cassian’s face falls at it, at the doubt and vulnerability in my words. “I don’t want to embarrass you Cassian.”

“You could never embarrass me,” He scoffs, and my body melts into his as his hand curves around to cup my ass, dragging me forward so that not even an inch of space remains between us. “I am nothing but a brute. A bastard. But with you? I am the luckiest male in the world, I get to have your heart, your smile, and your body to love and worship and comfort for the rest of my life. I pity other males who don’t have you.”

“You’re not a brute or a bastard or anything else of the sort,” I frown, denial sparking like embers in my eyes. Cassian laughs, his throat thick with emotion, but he laughs at the immediate anger in me. “I love you Cassian. Just like you love me.”

I knew he did. I never should have questioned it.

“And I love you, baby,” He smiles, that kind of smile that knocks the air from my lungs. “I love you so fucking much. I don’t want you to forget it but if you do, I will always be there to remind you.”

My eyes flutter shut as he presses his lips to mine, and the feeling is just like home. It’s like finding the other half of my soul and feeling it slot into place the second we meet. It’s perfect.

Cassian grins as I moan, my lips parting to let his tongue sweep in, hot and exploring, tracing against my teeth and tongue like he wants to devour me. His hands ravish along my body, palming my ass, cupping, and toying with my aching breasts, rubbing that deliciously thick length up into me.

“So responsive,” Cassian praises, running his tongue along my lips teasingly and I whimper as he rolls his hips against my wet, swollen clit, so hard I can feel him through his slacks and my underwear. “So beautiful when you’re rubbing against me, my love.”

“Cass,” I moan, eyes fluttering as presses wet kisses against my jaw, his hands cupping my ass and dragging me back and forth over his cock. He groans a rough, lewd sound, one that goes straight down to the heat between my thighs.

“I think you should forgo a dress on our wedding day,” Cassian grumbles against my cheek, hazel eyes flashing mischievously as I grind down against him, faster and harder. “I couldn’t imagine a better sight than you walking down that aisle completely naked, looking like the goddess you are.”

“Cassian,” My back arched, the slickness between my thighs growing more and more, especially as he growled those filthy words into my ears. His hands do not stop for a second, exploring and touching every inch of me.

“Whatever dress you wear will be on the floor anyway,” He chuckles darkly, and I clench around nothing when he shifts me back, his hand slipping between our bodies to untie his slacks. I groan when he pulls his cock free, eager as I push my underwear to the side and line him up to my entrance.

“I plan to make love to this perfect cunt from the second you’re tied to me,” He snarls softly and I’m a moaning mess as I sink, taking inch after inch into my wet core, loving how good he stretches me. “A dress would just be an unnecessary obstacle.”

His teeth nip and bite against my throat as he maxes out inside me and I have to brace my hands on his chest to calm myself, stretched so wide, feeling him so deep. He grins at how breathless and desperate I am, seated inside me like this was his home.

“You want me to walk down naked on our wedding day?” I lift my eyes to him, clenching around him and watching his eyes flutter at the feeling. I smirk, cupping his jaw as I slowly roll my hips. “With so many males present?”

His eyes darken. Like death.

“Rhysand, Azriel, Helion, Varian,” I roll my hips again, moaning at the spark of pleasure that runs through me. Cassian’s hands tighten on my hips, hard enough to bruise and my smirk broadens. “Lucien, Jurian, Eris-“

“I will kill them all before letting them see you naked,” Cassian bucks his hips up violently, slamming his cock to the hilt. I choke on a gasp, slumping into his awaiting embrace.

“Every-“ Thrust. “Last-“ Thrust. “Fucking-“ Thrust. “One.”

I cry out as he drives his cock into me, the sound of my arousal dancing through the air, mixing with my moans. Cassian groans, and I can feel that primitive Fae instinct in him as he fucks me as if he wants to imprint himself onto my very skin.

“You’re mine, baby,” His canines bite against the junction of my throat, just as his cock hits a deep, spongey spot inside me. “All fucking mine.”

“I’m yours, Cass,” I whimper, panting as he slides in and out of me at a brutal pace, every shift of his hips rubbing against my swollen clit. “I’m all yours, yours, yours – “

He smiles.

And fucks me for hours like I was his.

And he was mine.

_________________________________________

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thisblogisaboutabook · 2 months

Text

Rainy Season - Part 4

All You Ever

Azriel reflects on his past mistake including the night with Elain. Cassian makes a huge mistake.

A/N: Before reading this chapter please know that I am not condoning cheating or the actions of Azriel or Elain. I do not feel sorry for either of them in any way. I simply enjoy adding a little complexity to the story and selfishly love sprinkling in chaos. Also this is not proofread, I’m exhausted.

And for cauldron’s sake, please just trust the process before yelling at me!!! This is just one chapter from the two biggest idiots involved, not the whole story.

Part 3 Part 5

Warnings: Not proofread, Alcohol, Language, Unintentional ingestion of an aphrodisiac leading to sex

Azriel

He may have been a fucking idiot but Azriel’s self-awareness was painfully acute. His scar riddled hands were forever tainted with the essence of blood that even her plush lips couldn’t kiss away, his angel mate. What a cruel joke the cauldron had played the day that bond snapped between them. She was resplendent in sun shrouded glory and he was the devil who dragged her down. Just selfish enough to ignore the warning bells that he’d one day fuck it all up, just selfish enough to pull her away from her home and covet her within the walls of Velaris. In the beginning, he’d fought so hard to deserve her though she’d never asked him to. She wanted only him and knew he was unworthy of her, he always had been. It was exhausting - the mask. Constantly trying to hide from her that dark, sadistic side of him that was everything opposite of what she was.

She saw through it, of course. She always had. All she wanted was him, all of him. Begging him to show her beyond the good of him at surface level, she wanted all of his self-proclaimed bad too. She’d told him that dozens of times over the years but dropping that mask meant unpacking so much - so much more ugly than even he was prepared to reveal to himself.

At some point he began to resent her and he knew it wasn’t fair. He resented his perfect, pure, untainted mate. Wasn’t it ironic that she’d shown him everything beneath her own surface numerous times, unveiled that she herself was not the Angel he placed her on a pedestal as. She’d shown him everything and he still viewed her through that near-holy lense.

If only he could have put his stubbornness, his self-loathing aside and realized she would have done the same for him. It was too late for that now.

And now I'm without you, and it took distance to see that losing you, means losing everything

————

Something had been wrong for a while. He ignored it assuming that perhaps it was a mental blockade erected by a combination of fatigue and work tensions. He’d slowly distanced himself from his mate. He knew it hurt her, it hurt him too. His intentions were genuine, sparing her the pain of his own inner turmoil by distancing himself while he worked through it. He was simultaneously aware that he was a fucking bastard for doing so, she deserved an explanation but he couldn’t give it to her yet. He justified it as the lesser of two evils.

Unsurprisingly, the mating bond is a fickle thing. As he distanced himself, a chasm of emptiness opened within him that he’d desperately tried to fill with missions and various courtly duties. Training with the Valkyries helped, being there for Elain through her own struggles….

He took his duty to help her seriously, though it technically was not a duty even assigned to him. A distraction. It was a distraction. Ever the spymaster he spent their initial time together observing her, the things that brought a little bit of life back to those once bright eyes.

He’d sun his wings while she gardened and read across from her in the study, little things so she’d know she wasn’t alone. Eventually she began talking again. At first just a comment here or there but then there was communication, getting to know each other, small talk eventually becoming deeper topics. He learned of her resentment of the choice she felt was ripped from her, left with no time to mourn the loss of her mortal life or consider the implications on her relationship with Graysen because of it.

Not to mention the shock that one of the faces she blamed for being damned to the cauldron, one of the first faces she saw coming out of it was her mate and she was just supposed to accept it? Over time, Elain became a friend. A bright spot to the numbness created by the self-imposed gap between he and his mate. His mate….

It had taken some time to realize that he wasn’t feeling her through the bond, when was the last time he’d felt her? It was becoming fainter and fainter, more faint than it even should be with distance. He’d send feelings to her on occasion. A little spark of joy when he saw a lovely sunset or the moments when his desire for his mate heated his blood so thoroughly he had no choice but to excuse himself for relief by his hand.

He needed her to know he cared, he desired her, he loved her. A little time and space to collect everything he needed to bring to the surface, to give her all of him. He left her feeling like she wasn’t enough but she was everything. He just needed space.

Until she gave him space.

The devastation on her face the day she asked him to leave. Gods, damn him and the hurtful things he’d said. They’d be ingrained in his mind for the rest of his days along with the sound of her sobs as she fell apart before him. He’d done that to his mate. He was responsible for those tears. All because he’d been too selfish and prideful to share all of himself with her.

So, he left. She’d allowed him so much space, he could give her this.

I wish I could love you and make you believe it. It’s all you ever wanted from me

———-

The night with Elain

He couldn’t make it through dinner sober. Rhys insisted everyone get together at the River House for a friendly night of debauchery. Pouring himself a double shot of whiskey, he considered telling Cassian to send Rhys his regards and hole up in the house of wind for the remainder of the night. It was either, go to dinner and deal with all of the questions of “Where is y/n?” and “Why isn’t y/n here?” or deal with Cassian’s well-intentioned but annoying attempts of pressuring him into going, followed by a pout when he’d stand his ground on staying in, and then the inevitable intrusion from Rhys inquiring why he wouldn’t come to dinner.

He loved his chosen family dearly but they were busybodies through and through. All he wanted was to pass the time until he saw his mate tomorrow.

Begrudgingly he threw back his glass, poured another double, then headed to the River House.

Time moved slowly when all there was to do was dwell.

What had happened? He flew slowly to the River House. Going out of his way to circle far overhead of his true home, where his mate was. Was she waiting for him inside? Was she in town? Why couldn’t he feel her? Silence. Just as it had been for months. But the emotions he’d seen in her, they were so real. Shouldn’t they have sparked something in the bond?

As Azriel approached the River House he’d come to the conclusion that tonight he’d inform Elain he’d no longer be able to visit with her as he had been. He’d neglected his mate for far too long, this past week had given him the clarity needed to go home and give his mate his all. He could slowly open up to her, he could do it.

He just needed to make it through the night.

The night went by as usual. Good food, laughter, flowing liquor. He heavily indulged himself in the liquor anything to numb the impatience in waiting for tomorrow.

Feyre and Rhys sat closely together on a lounge, Feyre leaning into him, staring up at him like the stars in the sky.

Cassian and Nesta spent the entire time making bedroom eyes at one another, Cassian whispering dirty promises into Nesta’s ear that made even the queen of smut herself blush, Nesta taking any opportunity to brush her body against his in passing.

Gods, they were so in love it made him sick.

“Home.” He told himself.

“Soon.”

As the evening wound down, Cassian insisted everyone do shots to close out the evening. He was drunk enough that he stumbled carrying in the tray of shots and let out a battle cry of victory over the fact that he managed to not spill any of the liquor.

Azriel should have flown back to the House of Wind a while ago but he needed to talk to Elain.

Nuala and Cerridwen had been on duty with Nyx for the evening, compensated well to work overnight in case he awoke, giving Rhys and Feyre the now rare opportunity to go out to Rita’s. Mor, of course, drug Emerie along and went with them. Given that Amren would rather stick pins in her eyes than go out, she and Varian opted to go back to her place.

Azriel should have gone there, gone back to the River House, gone home and slept in the doorway until his mate let him in.

But he was so drunk. There was no way he was flying anywhere tonight.

Cassian and Nesta brought out a final round of shots. Elain winced, scrunching her nose as she threw it back. Azriel thought she’d be able to take her liquor better by now. Cassian and Nesta waggled their eyebrows suggestively at eachother before throwing theirs back. And damn, if Azriel didn’t wince when he took his shot too. That shit was awful. Had they drank through all of Rhysand’s good liquor? Did Cassian dig this out from the bottom shelf?

Once Cassian and Nesta left for the House of Wind, Azriel took the empty glasses to the kitchen, cleaning up a few of the remaining dishes throughout the seating area on the way. He barely made it into the kitchen before his head began spinning. That last shot had done him in. He couldn’t even remember the time last he’d been blackout drunk. Two centuries ago, maybe?

He still needed to find Elain.

The stairs felt longer and far less steady than usual, taking him more time than he cared to admit to make it up them. His hands felt tingly on the banister and damn, it was hot in the River House. No, he touched his face, flushed and hot to the touch. He was hot.

The tingling was simultaneously uncomfortable and pleasurable, spreading over his body with haste as he neared closer to Elain’s room.

He caught a glimpse of her and her scent hit him like a ton of bricks. Had she always smelled this good?

His breathing increased, nostrils flaring as he took in her scent and fuck - he was hard. It was too late to not say anything now as she stared at him expectantly. The stars in his vision cleared and all he could see was her, zeroed in on her fluttering pulse, those delicate features.

He needed to leave.

He just needed to - shit, what had he come here to say?

Azriel’s shadows whirled reminding him of his mate. His mate. He needed to go to his mate.

He needed to tell Elain something. He couldn’t think straight.

“Elain…”

And that was when she lunged at him.

Well is it too late, and are you too far to turn around and let me be

——————————

Elain

There was nothing the Cauldron loved more than Elain Archeron.

There was nothing the Cauldron hated more than Elain Archeron.

A thin line between the two, really.

She’d spend the rest of her life groveling for what conspired on that night. She never intended to sleep with him. She never, ever intended to hurt Y/N.

She remembered drinking more than usual.

She remembered Azriel finding her in the hallway.

She remembered a sudden rush of warmth, first from her chest, seeping outward through her extremities, low into her stomach and lower, lower.

She remembered Azriel having something important to tell her. She could feel nothing but heat. Her heart racing, breath becoming rapid.

Azriel’s pupils were blown wide, his nostrils flaring. Like every single sense was hyper aware of her state. His arousal wafted through the air, his irresistible cedar and chilled mist scent clinging to her like an expensive cologne.

They were so very intoxicated.

They couldn’t do this. If she’d been sober and unaffected by whatever was running through her veins, she would have left. Immediately.

She wasn’t one to wreck a home and Azriel loved his mate so, so much. The way he talked about her, it made Elain jealous. Not of them, not of her. Only jealous that Elain herself had struggled so hard to feel anything toward her own mate for so long. Lucien who played a role in her loss of humanity, Lucien who would do anything to make it up to her, Lucien who never meant for it to happen, who tried so hard to help her, to connect with her, who wanted nothing more than to love her. Lucien.

Then why was it Azriel? Azriel who was standing in front of her clearly affected by her, trying his damndest not to be. Why was she so drawn to him? A mated male.

Was she sweating? It was so hot. Her breasts ached and her blood thrummed through her veins so voraciously that she was certain she’d bleed out at any minute. And if Azriel could see beneath her gown right now, he’d see how tightly her thighs were squeezed together. How desperately she needed release and by the tightness in his pants - she knew he was in the same state.

“Elain…” Azriel spoke. His breath ragged.

And all it took was her name rolling off of his lips for her to close the distance. One kiss. She just needed one kiss to remind herself that this was wrong. To run the other way.

And it only took one kiss to remind her how much the cauldron loved her. How much it hated her.

The moment when she felt the mating bond snap between her and Azriel.

The alcohol, the liquor, the heat, the bond. A lethal combination leading to the biggest mistake of her life.

The night she’d fucked Azriel.

She could never let him know about the bond.

—————————-

Elain woke up with a brutal headache. She would have killed for some headache power. Her room was dark, shadows deepening the onyx black of night as slivers of moonlight lined the edges of her curtains. Still nighttime, then.

Her surroundings slowly came into focus, awareness sharpening as a soft sound caught her attention. Swiftly she turned her head to find Azriel asleep on the other side of her bed.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

This couldn’t have happened.

What had she done?

She threw on her dress and tip-toed out of the room in a state of panic. She was a sensible female. She knew too well the pain of losing Graysen, a human male, not her spouse, not her mate. But still, his rejection had hurt like hell. Elain would never sleep with another woman- female’s mate. No.

She paced through the library, back and forth, back and forth, praying she didn’t wake anyone up. The walls were closing in on her. This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.

Oh gods.

And the mating bond. How?

Her chest was tight, she couldn’t catch a full breath. She needed out.

Before she could stop herself, Elain fled into the empty street with no destination in mind. Anywhere but here, anywhere but the bed where she’d likely obliterated a marriage. She’d certainly obliterated her dignity.

The starlight illuminated streets of Velaris were endless, winding through alleys and lanes. In her panicked state, Elain had no clue where her feet were taking her as she blindly followed her gut. It wasn’t until she was in front of the door that she realized her heart had made its choice. It knew exactly who to go to, she only prayed it wasn’t too late.

She took a shaky inhale and raised a hand to knock but the door flew open revealing a shirtless Lucien, his bare, muscled chest heaving. “I felt you coming.” He gasped. “Through the bond.”

—————-

Azriel

The sun’s rays illuminated the edge of the curtains. Azriel’s stomach was tight, nausea from the previous night’s alcohol overwhelming him. His bed felt colder than usual, more stiff.

He looked around to find that he’d never left the River House. He was…

He was in Elain’s room.

“Oh, fuck!” He sobbed to himself as the previous night came pouring back to him. Setting his face in his palms, he cried. What the fuck had he done?

Azriel bathed, desperately scrubbing Elain off of him. By the time he was through, his skin was an angry red. He snuck out of the River House, flying to a grassy knoll high above Velaris. The spot where he and Y/N had first made love, where the bond snapped, where he’d proposed. He shifted uncomfortably as he tried to get comfortable, the unease settling in. It was blasphemy to desecrate such a sacred spot with his shame.

“What do I do now?” He asked aloud, the only response the whipping of the wind around him. He didn’t understand what had overcome him. He’d never been so “effected” before, even in his drunkest moments. Once Elain’s lips met his, his brain had shut down, nothing else mattered but the feel of skin on skin. His body needed release and acted on pure primal instinct.

And now, he had a decision to make. He could go home and lay it all out, slightly easing the guilt of holding in his greatest sin while completely and utterly destroying his mate.

Or, he could go home. Show his mate all of the love that he had been withholding for too long now, sweep her off her feet, take care of her and start opening up. Give her his all, even the ugly parts that he kept so deeply hidden.

Gods, she’d given him so many chances and he’d let her down at every turn. There were no excuses for the way he had treated her.

All she’d ever wanted was him, all of him, including those sides he’d never wanted her to see.

Now he could only go home and love her. Love her with everything he had and pray she believed it.

———————-

6 months after Y/N left

Azriel looked in a hallway mirror on his way to Rhysand’s study. Dark circles hallowed out his under eyes. The drink he’d had prior to flying down here did nothing to numb the violent ache within his heart. Would it ever quell? Would this puncture wound ever heal?

It wouldn’t. And he didn’t know if he wanted it to. He was a bastard and deserved every ounce of this isolated misery. Trapped in a prison of his own making. The ache in his chest a constant reminder of the love he’d squandered. And for what? A meaningless night with a pretty female. Had he not had enough of those nights in his life?

Not that Elain would speak to him. Though she had apologized, countless times. It didn’t matter. As far as he was concerned, he was the only one to blame. Occasionally he’d catch Lucien’s assessing glare, an infuriating blend of contempt and pity etched into his features. Azriel didn’t know which he hated more, he didn’t deserve pity.

Azriel’s skin had sallowed. Had he ever been this pale before? And the bargain tattoo on his arm. Fuck, he hated it. After his third attempt to infiltrate the Summer Court, Rhysand gave Azriel the option of a cell in the Hewn City or a bargain.

Ironically the bargain served as a prison of its own. He was not allowed to go anywhere near the Summer Court or communicate with Y/N in any way. The only method of communication he was able to find a loophole with was the tugs on the bond. He’d pull and pull, nothing.

If only he could try to explain, apologize, anything.

Breaking his gaze from the shell of a male in the mirror, Azriel stepped toward the study.

Cassian’s booming laugh barreled through the cracked open door.

“Trust me, Feyre will love it. I’m sure you guys could use a little spark at the end of the day. You’ll be rolling in the sheets all night.”

Rhys only chuckled.

Cassian continued, “Tastes nasty as hell though. Here’s an extra vial, just in case. The first time Nes and I tried it, it didn’t work. Not sure why.”

Azriel let out a huff, stepping into the study. Cassian and Rhys ceasing their conversation in his presence. They’d been painstakingly obvious in not talking about their mates or anything relationship related in front of him since his mate had left. He refused to speak to anyone about why she left, too embarrassed to admit to this bed of his own making. They knew it was his fault and that was all that mattered.

Azriel scowled. “You don’t have to stop talking about your mates just because I’m around.”

Cassian awkwardly raised his arm, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry brother. We just don’t want to make things harder for you than they have been.”

“Considerate.” Azriel sneered, jerking his head toward the vials. “What are those anyway?”

Cassian smirked, “Oh, just some aphrodisiac potions from a new apothecary in Velaris. Really powerful shit. Nes and I-“ Rhys elbowed Cassian. A warning to not take the conversation too far. They could talk of their happy relationships without absolutely rubbing Azriel’s face in it.

Cassian quieted for a moment before continuing. “It tastes gods awful but the payoff is totally worth it. Remember those shots we took after everyone left dinner several months ago? We mixed it into Nes and I’s glasses and didn’t notice the taste. Didn’t work either though. Must’ve been a dud. Lady at the shop gave us a replacement vial the next time we were in and…. well, let’s just say we keep it in stock at the House of Wind now.”

Azriel went preternaturally still. His shadows growing angry as he ground out, “The night you two did a parting shot with me and Elain?”

“Uh…… yeah?” Cassian replied.

And before Cassian could realize what he’d done, Azriel pummeled him. Hauling him out the study doors and onto the lawn, not even making it to the sparring ring before his fists met Cassian’s face - the two Illyrians disappearing into a frenzy of fists and feet and glowing siphons.

The only sound over the impact of their hits and feral growls was Cassian’s confused, booming voice. “What the FUCK, Az!?”

————————————————

A/N: I am sorry for giving you an entire chapter of Azriel and Elain content but I will make it up to you with fluffy Eris and reader content in the next chapter!!!

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