#i don't like some aspects of transitioning but i would rather not live than stop transitioning so... maybe don't imply that we shouldn't... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebean-17 · 11 months

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TW: Suicide, conversion therapy, religion

In my opinion, it's not fair to compromise your gender identity just to please others. I don't think it should be compromised to begin with. I've heard many people, especially those close to me, express the idea that if someone were to transition or come out as gay or bisexual, that "they should be aware of the potential consequences and know that people aren't going to accept them." (This is real btw).

LGBTQ+ folks are well aware of these realities, which is why Pride Month exists and why we continuously advocate for our rights to simply be ourselves as human beings among others. The need to conceal our sexuality and gender identity also stems from these challenges, because of people not accepting us.

But I repeat, it's not fair to compromise your gender identity just to please others. If someone gives you an ultimatum, saying they'll leave, resent you, or that you'll make your relationship/family unhappy if you transition, it's better to let go of that toxic situation. By doing so, you're freeing yourself to walk your own path instead of being confined to someone else's expectations. That person has proven to you that they are not worth fighting for, nor are they worth the headache. And yes, I am aware that people go through different experiences, some that are harsher than others if they come out to someone, and it's unfortunate.

But why sacrifice YOUR identity? Why compromise on something that can't be compromised to begin with?

Please, don't even consider going through conversion therapy to salvage a relationship, whether it's with family, a partner, or a friend. Trust me, it's not worth it. Conversion therapy is nothing but a messed-up way to manipulate and brainwash someone. Being transgender is not a choice, and someone cannot simply "stop being trans." Gender identity is a deeply ingrained part of a person's identity, and attempting to suppress or deny it can have serious negative consequences for an individual's well-being.

The rate for transgendered and non-binary youth who have considered suicide is around 45%.

"LGBTQ youth are not inherently prone to suicide risk because of their sexual orientation or gender identity but rather placed at higher risk because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society." - The Trevor Project

Another thing that bothers me is how some people bring religion into the discussion. They say things like, "Why would someone want to transition when they're already beautiful?" or "Transitioning is going against God," or even "You're messing up the body that God gave you."

I apologize, but expressing these views can be more harmful than helpful. The underlying assumption that being transgender is inherently wrong or against the natural order can be hurtful and dismissive towards transgender individuals. Being transgender simply means that someone's gender identity doesn't match the sex they were assigned at birth. It's not about "messing up" one's body; it's a natural expression of their authentic self.

Not only that, being trans isn't just about external beauty, rather it's about it is about reducing/alleviating gender dysphoria, finding inner congruence, and living authentically. And don't you think by saying "they're already beautiful the way they are" implies that the person isn't going to be beautiful after they've transitioned?

One thing I often come across is the misconception that being transgender is just a trendy thing. But the truth is, being transgender is not a trend at all. It's not some new fad. It's simply another aspect of human diversity, just like bisexuality, being gay, or lesbian. We need to shift our perspective and stop treating it as something new. It's not limited to America either; it's a global reality. Saying that "Being trans is a trend" is a harmful narrative that trivializes the experiences of transgender individuals. And no, people aren't identifying as trans due to social contagion. It's just people being sick and tired of continually being silenced, quiet, and dealing with bigotry.

And just because it appears to be a trend doesn't necessarily mean it is. What is becoming a trend is awareness of gender dysphoria. What is trending is the acceptance for trans folk to be who they are in USA and Canada. Being able to access healthcare is a trend. The underlying condition, however, is not. And this statement might not apply for other countries that still treat non-binary and trans people like dirt. This isn't to say trends are bad, as the examples I mentioned. But when people say that being genderqueer is trendy means that the person is saying that we're just doing it for attention.

This person I used to know, my ex, assumed that I started using he/she/they pronouns simply because I travelled to the USA (never travelled) and got influenced or confused. They never bothered to ask for any explanation or inquire about my background. Simply put, we know why they're my ex and continue to stay as such. 💅

Being different isn't trendy, conformity is.

Check out the history of left-handed people. They used to get labelled as the devil, witches, or just plain unlucky. They faced suspicion, discrimination, and even got imprisoned or persecuted. Some were even forced to tie down or sit on their left hand. The reason we see more lefties nowadays isn't some magical switch, it's because society has become more accepting of differences. In recent decades, people have become more tolerant, and that's why we have a greater number of left-handed individuals. It's because of acceptance.

Throughout human history, transgender and queer individuals have existed in different countries and cultures. So, it's completely incorrect and misinformed to suggest that they are seeking attention or it's just a fad.

Christine Jorgensen (1926-1989) - An American trans woman who became widely known for having one of the first publicly-known gender reassignment surgeries in the 1950s. She had a successful career as an actress, singer, and recording artist. Jorgensen was drafted into the U.S. Army during World War II. After she served as a military clerical worker, Jorgensen attended several schools, worked, and pursued a photography career. During this time, she learned about sex reassignment surgery and travelled to Europe, where in Copenhagen, Denmark, she obtained special permission to undergo a series of operations beginning in 1952. Source: Wikipedia.

Lili Ilse Elvenes, better known as Lili Elbe or Elbe (1882-1931) - A Danish painter and transgender woman who underwent gender reassignment surgery in the early 1930s. Her story was portrayed in the book "The Danish Girl" and later adapted into a film. Read more on Wikipedia.

Alan L. Hart (1890-1962) - An American physician, radiologist, tuberculosis researcher, writer, and novelist. Hart pioneered the use of x-ray photography in tuberculosis detection and helped implement TB screening programs that saved thousands of lives. As a fiction author, Hart published over 9 short stories and 4 novels, which incorporated drama, romance, and medical themes. Source: Wikipedia.

Albert Cashier (1843-1915) - An Irish-born immigrant who served as a soldier in the Union Army during the American Civil War. Cashier was assigned female at birth but lived as a man throughout his life. Read more on Wikipedia.

In ancient Greece, Phrygia (a kingdom in Asia Minor), and Rome, there were priests called Galli (singular: Gallus) who served the goddess Cybele, also known as the Great Mother of the Gods or Magna Mater in Rome, and her consort Attis. These priests, who were male-bodied, dressed in saffron robes, wore makeup, adorned themselves with pendants and earrings, had long hair, used perfumes, practiced self-castration, and participated in rituals and practices associated with femininity. The origins of this cult are believed to be in Mesopotamia, with later influence in Greece. Some scholars speculate that these priests may have been trans women.

Other articles or resources on the Galli:

→ Galli: Ancient Roman Priests by Nikolai Endres

→ The priests and priestesses – the Galli and the Archigallus

→ Don’t be a Drag, Just be a Priest: The Clothing and Identity of the Galli of Cybele in the Roman Republic and Empire

Hijras, also known as Aravani, Jagappa, or Kinnar individuals, are male-bodied people who identify as trans women or fall under the trans or non-binary umbrella. They are recognized as a distinct third gender that are neither man or woman. Hijras are believed to possess special abilities to grant blessings or cast curses related to fertility and marriage. While "Hijra" is commonly used in South Asia, in Pakistan, community activists advocate for the use of the inclusive and socially conscious term "khwaja sira." This term encompasses individuals who identify as transgender, intersex, cross-dressers, gender non-conforming individuals, or eunuchs.

"The Hijra have been subject to discrimination, harassment, and persecution for their genderqueer self-identification. Along with the queer community, Hijras have been targeted by law enforcement and government officials under Section 377. This law was used to criminalize any queer sexual acts and has been used to justify discrimination and mistreatment of the LGBTQ+ community since its enactment in British colonial era India." - UAB (Institute for Human Rights Blog)

Other articles or resources on Hijra:

→ The Third Gender and Hijras

→ Discrimination and social exclusion of third-gender population (Hijra) in Bangladesh

→ The paradox of recognition: hijra, third gender and sexual rights in Bangladesh

→ Hijras, the Third Gender in India: GAYCATION by VICE TV (Video)

→ The third gender: India's Hijras campaign for change by ABC News Australia (Video)

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It is worth noting that the concept of gender and sexuality in ancient cultures may differ from contemporary understandings, and it is important to approach historical interpretations with caution and cultural context. Especially with the resources that I provide below.

Other articles and resources on trans, genderqueer, cross-dressers and non-binary, or LGBTQ+ lives:

Transgender Lives in the Middle Ages through Art, Literature, and Medicine - by Roland Betancourt

Ancient Mesopotamian Transgender and Non-Binary Identities - by Morg Daniels

Evidence for Trans Lives in Sumer - by Cheryl Morgan

Two-Spirit - from Indian Health Services

An Introduction to the Health of Two-Spirit People: Historical, Contemporary and Emergent Issues - by Sarah Hunt

Glossary of Terms for LGBTQIA+ folk - from the Human Rights Campaign

Transgender term coinage - from Wikipedia

LGBT themes in Greek and Roman mythology - from Wikipedia

LGBT themes in mythology - from Wikipedia

Well that's all for this post. If there was anything that is considered misinformation, offensive, crude, or there was something that needed appropriate credit then please let me know but be respectful. If there's other sources or resources you wish to put, then send me a message, make a comment, or you can simply reblog. This just started from a rant into something educational.

It's better to be educational, explain, and give reasons than to scream and yell at someone how they're wrong, so keep that in mind. Ciao! 👋

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haleviyah · 1 year

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PoC was such a wasted concept of a movie. I mean the atmosphere, the costumes, the acting were so good, a cut above the rest of Christan medias, WHY it had to be gratuitous violent and (knowingly or not) antisemitic? The Jesus portrayed by Caviezel is my favourite but it would have been ten thousand better if Gibson didn't focused only on the Passion.

I will refute that.

For 2002-2004 Hollywood, the film was impressive. Mind you this film was written and finished before the Writer's Guild Strike of 2003! So it dodged a bullet to a degree, because think about it: If the film was written AFTER that strike (let's say 2008 or 2010), Gibson and the writers wouldn't have as much freedom with the script as they did between 1999-2002. Despite its religious hiccups and habits the film exposed the audience to Aramaic despite being broken and slow as according to some communities in the Middle East who have seen the film. Let's face it, Aramaic wouldn't have been introduced to Catholic communities in Latin and South America had it not been for Gibson's stubbornness.

As someone with rich Mexican and Roman Catholic heritage the film was a reminder to us on Pope John Paul II's plea to respect and honour the Jews. Remember, Latin America is staunchly sensitive to the Hebrews and we still have a generation that lived through both an anti-semitic pope and then suddenly transition to a pro-semitic pope whilst witnessing the birth of the State of Israel in 1948. Most of that generation believed apocalypse was upon them after hearing the news and prayed for penance. We literally thought we were screwed...

Now to answer your question: There is a saying in warfare

"You cannot pick your armies."

This aspect applies for major passion projects, and you have to work with what you have whilst divorcing slothful habits of being a begging chooser. Yes, Gibson is a piece of work but just because we so happen to disagree does not make me obligated to hate him as a person. I mean, who else can you think of that can rock the boat just as efficiently as the Aussie SOB can?

Franklin Graham? The dude failed witnessing to Japan.

Kirk Cameron? Too picky for his own good on his worst days, and has worse "anti-semetic" films under his belt ('Left Behind' Series).

Kendrick Brothers? Every other film is an unnecessary emotional parade.

Roma Downey? Too damn soft and probably has a man-made spine forged from "angel dust".

The reason why the film 'Passion of the Christ' had to be rough and gritty is to show people the precariousness of life - your decisions have consequences. Hell, my series "Rose of Sharon" is gruesome for the same reasons! Get mad at me too if you don't like gore because it's going to be in there (LMAO).

Regardless of the zeitgeist you are born into, your choices do have consequences, every action equals to an equal and opposite reaction and it's up you to either run from it or learn from it.

But when I take a step back and breathe from all this, the appendix of this is I'd rather stop answering questions about others' projects. I'm too tired to rant over something that cannot be changed. Begging for such is just as futile and counterproductive as constantly mourning over a family member resting.

I'd rather move forward.

I'd rather answer questions that focus on "Rose of Sharon" and where that is going to go. I mean we have so much planned the series that has yet to be shared. The series is more than rebellion against religion, it's a series that focuses on growth, coming out of your comfort zone, healing, and most of all knowing and accepting who you ought to be rather than caving into what others want you to be. And we do need a message like that these days where peer pressure is seen as "G-d's will". The series is a unique hybrid that has only peaked its dorsal fin, but I want to share more when it's time!

I want people to have fun with "Rose of Sharon", and also to walk away with something relatable at least.

Joshua (Yehoshua) is in no way trying to trump the "Yeshua" from PoC, nor belittle "Jesus" from "The Bible Series", nor replace "The Prince of Peace" commission my Akiane despite his design being made to defy or play around with such ideas. He's an individual that is living and breathing in a way that astoundingly leaves people guessing where he is going to go for once. He's unpredictable in a healthy way for once since this series launched in 2016. And I believe Josh and the entire project of RoS would work best when not being compared so much to other projects so early in development. I mean, such a habit nearly killed the project in the begging and I respectively would rather not repeat that mistake in 2023 or beyond.

#q n a #question and answer #christian #catholic #media #film #passion of the christ #rose of sharon

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jadelotusflower · 3 years

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It’s Cold in that Fridge: The Case of Nakari Kelen

Since The Case of Mara Jade has been doing the rounds again, I’ve finally gone back to this post that has been sitting in my drafts for literally years. So let’s honour this absolute badass who deserved better:

Once upon a time, the Star Wars universe was but six films (and a tv series) in the story of the Skywalker family. But beyond George Lucas’ story was an absolute boatload of books, comics, games, and other materials that made up the Expanded Universe. When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars saga, everything in this universe was decanonised and deemed “Legends” - some aspects of this universe were retained or re-purposed, others sit in Disney’s figurative vault and will likely never see the light of day (and seeing how the ST turned out, maybe that’s for the best).

But this transition between Legends canon and Disney canon was not so simple, because the nature of publishing meant that there were novels approved during the time of Legends canon that would be released in the time of Disney canon. In particular, there had been the planned trilogy “Empire and Rebellion”, set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with each novel from the perspective of one of The Big Three.

Razor’s Edge (Leia) and Honor Among Thieves (Han) were released prior to the Great Canon Split of 2014. But while the Luke-centric novel had been planned, it was not due to be released until well after the Split. So Heir to the Jedi (so called as an homage to the Legends progenitor Heir to the Empire) became one of the first books of the Disney canon.

What does this background have to do with Nakari Kelen? Perhaps nothing, but I do wonder how the writing process was affected by the shift from Legends to Disney - was the novel a relic of the old EU with any reference the LFL storygroup didn’t like excised during editing, or was it a trendsetter for the new EU, a Sign of Things to Come?

The most salient point being, of course, that Nakari Kelen - like so many love interests before her - was not allowed to go along her merry way at the conclusion of the novel, but was shoved into the fridge.

If there was one constant of the Legends EU, it was that Luke Skywalker’s love interests couldn’t catch a break. Mara Jade naturally lasted the longest relationship-wise, with almost twenty years of marriage to Luke before some bright spark decided she had to go (as per the aforementioned case study). But before Mara there was Jem, Shira Brie, and Gaeriel Captison (who came close to escaping the curse), and in the Legacy of the Force series they brought back sole survivors Akanah and Callista, only to kill them off for good too (and rather brutally, if I may add).

So perhaps when Kevin Hearne began writing HttJ within the confines of the Legends continuity, he was merely sticking to the status quo, or perhaps once subsumed by Disney they needed to make sure Luke's slate was clean (so to speak). And I can’t put all the blame on Hearne since I don’t know whether it was his idea, or LFL mandated - but regardless it was a poor decision.

The root cause of fridging, imo, is limited imagination. How best to cause your male protagonist pain if not kill off someone they love, or at least have strong feelings for? The answer is of course, easily. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Luke Skywalker of HttJ is fresh from his victory in ANH, a lieutenant in the Rebellion: young, not dumb, and full of...

Nakari Kalen is an absolute Queen a civilian volunteer and crack-shot sniper who loans her ship Desert Jewel to the Alliance. Luke is immediately attracted to her, they bond over a mutual love of fast ships and leaving behind desert home planets, and engage in the inexpert flirting of two nineteen year olds while also risking their lives several times over.

I want to make it clear: I actually really like this book. It's a breezy read, almost serialised as The Early Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and is ofttimes genuinely funny. And credit where it’s due to Hearne, many of of the supporting roles in the novel are female. Other than Nakari, there's Soonta, the Rodian who gives Luke her uncle’s lightsaber, Sakhet the Kupohan spy, and the Givin cryptographer/math genius Drusil Bephorin. In a genre where male characters are often the default for these kind of roles, it was nice to see, but makes the regressive fridging of Nakari even more egregious.

Luke and Nakari make a good team fighting brain-sucking monsters and Imperials, but more importantly they have fun together - she encourages him to work on his Force skills, and he successfully moves objects with his mind for the first time (leading to Nakari adorably dub him "a little noddle scooter"). It's a very sweet, if brief, relationship, and a respite from the danger of the mission. They spend the night together (leaving the reader to decide exactly what happened behind closed doors), and share a kiss before splitting up to try and escape bounty hunters. No prizes for guessing what happens to Nakari immediately after she received the Skywalker Kiss of Death.

I assume there were two motivating factors for why Hearne and/or LFL couldn't let Nakari live:

1. If she survived, fans would wonder why she doesn't appear in ESB/subsequent material.

I recall this bandied about on forums back at the time of the book's release, and to that I say - so what? Fans are always going to wonder, and try to paper over the gaps in canon, to make up their own headcanons to explain any any perceived inconsistencies. It's certainly no reason to kill someone off.

It is in fact possible for two young people to have a romance that just fizzles, or doesn’t work out for whatever reason - it should not require great maneuvering or explanation. If Nakari doesn’t show up in the next book in the timeline, what about it? The reader is smart enough to assume she and Luke broke up, decided to just remain friends, whatever. But it seems that the only way for a female character to exit stage left is for her to die, which is bullshit.

And actually, there's no reason why she couldn't have shown up again. ESB and RoTJ cover a month and a few days, respectively, of Luke's life - just because there was no mention of Nakari doesn't mean she didn't exist at that time, whether or not she and Luke were an item. She could have made an appearance in a subsequent novel, or Rebels, or the comics - she could have become a recurring character, showing up when the Rebellion needed her, or - heaven forbid - even have her own comic/book/show! Her existence in Star Wars canon didn't need to begin and end with Luke Skywalker, merely to service his plotline and backstory and abandoning the richness of her own.

No, the only reason Nakari had to die was to facilitate this:

It was a blow to the gut, realizing what that sudden absence meant. I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I had felt Nakari's life snuffed out through the Force, and into that void where she had shone anger rushed in - anger, and a cold sense of raw power and invincibility...I took a step to join in the hunt but stopped, breathing heavily, unaccountably sweating even though I felt so cold inside and the power of the Force roiled within me... I shook with emotion and power, and none of it felt the way the Force had before...I saw what kind of space it was , a black hole that would always be hungry no matter how much I fed it. I might never feel warm again if I didn't get myself under control.

Luke feels the dark side and is tempted by the boost of power it offers him, but immediately identifies it as dangerous and unnatural. I can understand why Hearne wanted to include this - it is a book of firsts after all: Luke's first solo mission, his first time using telekenisis, and ending with story with his first experience of the dark side makes sense. But it wasn't necessary, which leads to:

2. How to push Luke to touch the dark side without killing someone he has romantic feelings for?

Also, obviously, shite of the bull (or nerf, if you prefer). Even if this brush with the dark side was absolutely necessary for the novel's climax, there's any number of ways it could be achieved. At this point, Luke is fresh from losing important people in his life - Owen and Beru, Ben, and Biggs - lumping another death on top of that a narrative trick for Luke to react not only to losing Nakari, but the others as well. But it's cheap, the first card in the deck, and why not show a bit of imagination? Luke is young and inexperienced enough at this point that any number of things could be the catalyst - the whole book he's struggling with his growing powers, why not try and reach too far in the firefight with the bounty hunters, his anger and frustration with himself in not doing enough trigger the dark side temptation? It would work thematically and doesn't involve a fridging that ultimately has very little payoff.

Because Nakari is killed less than ten pages from the end of the book - afterwards Luke grieves, but ultimately chooses to honour her memory and be grateful for what he learned with her, recommitting to becoming a Jedi. It's all very surface level, and once again a female character's death facilitates a male character's development. Was it so imperative that Luke lost someone he cared about as part of this story? Sure, this was a time of galactic civil war, and it's far from unrealistic that these stories have a high body count, but who to make collateral damage remains an authorial choice, and in this case Nakari Kelen was (a) a female character of color, (b) a love interest of the protagonist - not just of this book, but the entire Original Trilogy.

I don't know to what extent (if any) race had to play in the decision. I'm sure there was a segment of the fandom absolutely livid that Luke Skywalker kissed (and maybe had sex with) a black woman. Was her death LFL hedging its bets, or demonstrative of the general lack of attention/respect they show their characters of colour?

In any case this was a chance to stand out from the old EU and it's fridge full of Luke's dead girlfriends, but instead they chose to introduce and kill off Nakari for the sole purpose of Luke's manpain and character development, and that's gross.

And then there's this:

A grisly yet reliable fact about custom bounty hunter ships is that you can always count on them to have body bags stashed somewhere for the easy transport of their kills. They often have built-in refrigerated storage, too.

NAKARI IS KILLED AND LITERALLY STORED IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.

I really hope this was unintentional on Hearne's part, because yikes. He was halfway there, this book was full of interesting female characters who had agency - Drusil in particular was a delight with her super math and inability to understand human interaction. Nakari was full of life and fun - capable but relatable, showing a different side of the Rebellion and those that suffered under the Empire's rule. Fridging her in her first appearance is considerably more vile, because it reduces her to a footnote of Luke's story, a plot device to Help Him Grow, rather than a springboard to tell more of her own story.

Because Nakari was a compelling character ripe for spinoff potential. I would absolutely have read or watched her continued adventures, juggling missions for her father's Biolabs company and trying to aid the Rebellion, shooting her slug rifle and cracking wise, maybe even finding a way to amplify her mother's song Vader's Many Prosthetic Parts to really stick it to the Empire, or try and free the political prisoners on Kessel.

The old EU was made great by allies and enemies of Our Heroes showing up again to help or hinder them, and/or branching out into their own material. We fell in love with them, and followed their stories even as they diverged from the main saga, eager to read more about their lives.

Nakari Kelen never got that chance. In many ways, she exemplified what Disney Star Wars was to become: an exercise in wasted potential.

#star wars #star wars meta #heir to the jedi #nakari kelen #luke skywalker #fridging #it's cold in that fridge #star wars expanded universe #nucanon

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paint-lady · 3 years

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hey, if you don't mind, i want your advice: i'm going to be running a chronicle set in chicago (i am using the chicago by night 5e book) for players who are new to vampire for the most part in a few days and i can't For The Life of Me to come up with an interesting chronicle hook (yeah i have read the hooks in the book). any ideas/suggestions/general advice?

Hiya! I could talk your ears off on how I write my chronicles- so hopefully I have taken all my processes and reduced it down to a lovely World of Darkness jam.

Here are two good hooks I just came up with- feel free to use them! The third is what I got for my first chronicle, and I just think its a narrative that works very well for new players.

>Option 1: Guilty Until Proven Innocent ”Chicago is a series of paradoxes and transitions, of ever changing paradigms and whimsy,” (CbN 47). Have your coterie be newbies to the city. Ask why they have come to Chicago. Power? A new start? Perhaps this is a political arrangement between the clan of one city with another. Whatever their reason, they have arrived right when a Primogen vanishes- and guess who is first on the suspect list? The fresh faces on the streets >:) The coterie, having barely settled, has to suddenly prove their innocence. And finding evidence lets them uncover something much more sinister....

This one is ideal for new players as it sets everyone on an equal footing. Even if they create a character that has been a vampire for 50+ years and has amassed several dots of influence, herd, status- whatever, they are still new to the city. And being new means you have to start all over again. (This may be frustrating to a player that invested all those points at character creation- but it is on you as the ST to make sure they have opportunities to use those dots and on them as a player to think cleverly.)

Starting the tale off with defending their innocence is actually a very engaging questline. It effectively sets the stage for the political powerhouses. It lets new players know there are rules- and those in power are watching. It also sets the consequences for failure. Understand that the Camarilla probably isnt going to outright kill the coterie if they fail- always make the punishment just harsh and grueling enough to make final death feel like a mercy. Failure isn’t the end of the story.

For new players- I would be lenient with the time it takes for them to find evidence. But within reason. Think like your Prince and Seneschal. Do you really want this coterie running around for a full week, unsupervised, making more messes? No. You don’t. (You might wanna send an npc with them to watch and keep em out of trouble. Your npc is also able to vouch for them.)

This story lends itself to be a Camarilla Chronicle very easily. You can go Anarch, but an Anarch leader suddenly vanishing and blaming the newbies is much more quickly going to end with blood spilled. Thank your local sweeper.

> Option 2: Containment Breach Blacksite 24 (Loresheet on page 264) was temporarily occupied by Operation Firstlight. It has now been transformed into a medical research facility. While most kindred of Chicago know of Blacksite 24, they have zero clue what happens inside other than bad news for them- the less they know the safer they are. The chronicle opens with a car crash. The captured soon-to-be coterie was in transit to this feared medical facility. The crash did kill the driver and the agent in charge of transporting them. The crash did not fully break their restraints, but it did enough damage that first responders are freaking out. They are all at hunger 3. The chronicle is a hunt. The coterie should have some knowledge of what had happened to them and how lucky they are to have escaped. Operatives are already on their way to recapture them. They must hide in this city- and do their best to survive and stay out of sight.

The point of this story is to invoke dread. I highly recommend one player either being a thin-blood (or an npc) with the Daydrinker merit, or a player to have a ghoul. If they decide to not have a daywatch, they increase their chance of being found.

This story also sets up a feeling of desperation. They would be willing to take shelter from anyone- anyone. Eventually the other kindred will catch on that these guys are on the run from something. Any sane kindred would toss them out to protect themselves. A compassionate kindred who takes them in will suffer the final death as a compassionate fool- or join them in captivity.

This story lends itself to be an Anarch Chronicle much more easily. This is the time the Camarilla will likely be a bit more paranoid and bloody. While they might not outright kill the coterie- they will send them somewhere that is a death trap. They wont dirty their hands with this. After all, you do not want any evidence to fall into the hands of the SI if you hired the hit.

This story is ideal for newbies without background merits. No allies, no influence, no herd. Let them take more mythic merits such as bloodhound and unbondable (Consider finding some from V20 too! There are some really awesome supernatural merits!). These powers would certainly be more fascinating for a medical team to study- not how many instagram followers they have. This kind of story also lets your players feel more powerful- but out of the loop. It lends itself to them forging alliances and getting caught in one-sided favors a lot more quickly.

The challenging aspect of this story is that is starts with a masquerade breach. New players may not know how to handle such a blatant breach and thats okay. I would let the crash slide- and the Camarilla in the background handles it. Breaches after the crash need to be handled with proper consequences.

> Option 3: New Blood This is what my storyteller did to me and my first time players (and its also very close to the plot of CoNY). We were shovelheads. Embraced to make a huge mess for the Camarilla and die quick deaths. We were all thin-bloods. The last thing the pcs remember is the sweet rush of ecstasy washing over them, before clawing out of the earth and driven mad by an insatiable hunger. The thrill of the hunt, and the sweet, warm blood on their tongue, nothing was going to be better. All three will awake next to each other, surrounded by the corpses they drank dry in their frenzy. What a way to play the name game! The players have three nights were they figure out their new condition or coverup their tracks (if they think to do it). They contend with their hunger and hatred of sunlight, wrestle with accidentally drinking their family member dry. After three nights, the Scourge comes knocking. Rather than outright killed, they are dragged to Elysium. For some reason, they are adopted by an upstanding member of the Camarilla- or the Prince orders a political rival care for them (hoping they fail). The players are the errand childer of this kindred, and slowly they figure out what they have been gathering through all these errands....

This one lets the characters all have the moments where they discover their disciplines and powers- and bestial tendencies. It naturally flows to allow players to slowly discover the rules and mechanics as well. All players must play fledglings for this tale.

This story is much more a personal tale than a political one. Eventually politics makes its way in...but it does not have to be a focus.

This story has less of a hook and more of a “Figure it Out” survival mode until the errands begin. The story is how the character’s react to their condition. It very quickly lends itself to a narrative of finding your own path in the night, rather than mindlessly obeying.

So here are a few questions that I ask myself when crafting a chronicle story:

1. What kind of story do you want to tell? Not asking for a plot hook, I’m asking for a general concept. Is it a tale of good triumphing over evil? (Not necessarily a wrong answer, but if you wanna play good guys...vampire is not the best game for that). Is this a chase? Is this a race against time?

2. How do you want your story to make your players feel? Do you want to tell a story that invokes as much dread as possible in your players? Do you want them to feel ultra powerful? Vampire is both a power fantasy and a dread inducing game- it can do both.

3. If you don’t know what kind of story you want to tell, switch gears to worldbuilding. CbN has so many NPCs with the rumors already written for you. Its your setting, perhaps switch two rumors around with prominent NPCs. Decide which ones are true in your setting- Maybe Primogen Annabell did kill her predecessor. Perhaps the Lasombra are attempting to infiltrate the Camarilla as everyone fears- but no one is able to prove it or stop it. Deciding what is true, false, and undetermined usually blossoms into hooks and stories worth investigating.

4. What is a historical event of the city that the Vampires would have endured/ scars would have remained? For example, in my chronicle set in Richmond, the tale of the Richmond Vampire is true. Depending on who you ask, it is the Camarilla’s best or sloppiest cover up. Have the chronicle coincide with the events and the coterie live through them. No one said this must take place in 2021- you can do 2015, 2008, -hell go back the 1990s. Its actually super fun if you set your chronicle in the 90s and your Malkavian is using phrases from 2020.

5. One of my things I do when writing scenes and moments is play Dread by myself. Dread is a role playing game played with jenga. There are no dice rolls, if you want to attempt something, you have to pull pieces from the tower. If the tower falls, you die. If there is a moment where I really really really dont want to pull from the tower, though the reward for succeeding is so so sweet- I keep the moment. If its really easy to shrug and go eh, I can live without performing that action- go back and rewrite it. If you have no incentive to pull from the tower, why would they?

6. Examine your player’s desires and ambitions- and do not neglect them in your chronicle. The plot wont magically allow all of them to achieve their ambitions. However, provide opportunities for them through the plot. Its on them to strive for what their character wants- its on you to make them struggle but have the path to get there. For example, if a player wants to become a Baron, provide a political opening. Perhaps then by announcing their power, they have made a bigger name for themselves and it has become harder to hide. Perhaps by doing this, the kindred they owe a favor is suddenly much more vocal about it.

Here are some suggestions for handling new players:

> You are going to have to handhold them through some things. New players to vtm won’t be able to see the cascading political web and how the consequences of their actions will ripple into waves. I like to use Wits+Insight and call it Common Sense. Common Sense was a merit in V20- and damn is it WONDERFUL. All they need is just 1 success (they can take half) to have you explain how whatever plan they just thought of is actually a TERRIBLE idea.

> Do your RPG consent list. Know what is safe to discuss and what is off the table. I highly recommend utilizing something my Storyteller used for my first chronicle, and subsequently I use for all my ttrpgs now: Invoking the Veil. The metaphor is that you are slowly lessening the intensity of a scene- as if raising the opacity or looking through layers of fabric. Eventually, there is too much fabric and you can no longer see the scene. If something is too intense, the ST or the player may announce they are invoking the veil. Reduce the scene by lowering music, speaking in third person, or avoiding heavy descriptors. You can reduce it further to just dice rolls. Role play stops, and the consequences of the scene are solely dictated by the dice. Or fade to black. If a player is repeatedly fading to black on something- ask to talk to them about it. Clearly something is too intense and they are not having as much fun as they can. Debriefing after a session is also a good idea. Do something silly! Share and check all the memes in the discord chat. Its important to make sure you and your players know that at the end of the night- its all just a game.

> I find the sabbat and new players don’t tend to mix well. You may absolutely still use the sabbat in your chronicle! But the dogma and philosophical ideals of the sabbat can be offputting and downright upsetting to a first time player. You may absolutely build to it- that’s what I did to my players. And in the moment of the truth, they chose to cling to humanity.

> The taking half mechanic is your friend! V5 says players may announce how many dice they are rolling- and if the dividend is greater than the DC- they auto succeed. This streamlines play. Of course, you as the Storyteller may say this is a roll they are not allowed to take half on. Usually these are contested rolls (combat).

> The three turns and out rule keeps combat intense but not too lengthy. It actually streamlines encounters super super well.

> My ST used a phrase, “The quickest way to kill Cthulhu is to give it a healthbar.” If Methuselahs and Elders are involved in your game- avoid giving them stat blocks. This cultivates a conflict that new players must find a way to overcome without brute force combat. It makes them think critically and defy these super old antagonists through narrative means. This also gets the notion out of your and their heads, “if they die, its over.” Its never that easy. Never.

#steph answers questions #thanks for asking!#vtm #vampire the masquerade #vamp tag #storyteller vibes #ghostravens

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transadvice · 4 years

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how common is it to feel "i wish i was afab, but don't necessarily wish i was female"? i realize i can simply go with non-binary, but in pretty much every aspect i look and feel like simply a cis man. obviously questioning one's gender is a pretty big sign that they are NOT cis, but i don't feel like a woman or relate to traditional expressions of femininity. i just find myself longing for something that is unattainable, i.e. being afab, but since it's not possible, shouldn't i just give up?

No, you shouldn't just give up. I think there is plenty for you still to discover. What I see in your letter is a trans or nonbinary person at the darkest moment of pre-transition. The future is murky. Your desires are unclear. The status quo is clearly unworkable, and alternatives seem impossible. This is a super common forest to get lost in, but it is not your forever home. You will get through it. We should acknowledge that for many trans people, a population with ten times the national average suicide rate, "giving up" means giving up on life itself. I don't know if that's what you mean by giving up, but in case it is, I urge you to stay alive a little longer. Hope is coming. If what you mean is "give up on having gender feelings and be satisfied with being cis," I don't know of an effective way to do that. Many trans people have tried. It doesn't tend to stick. I do think it is really common for trans people to wish they were assigned another gender at birth. That would certainly be a lot easier than being trans! Probably most of us have that thought at some time or another. Even if you feel that being trans has shaped you and made you who you are and given you a great community and an invaluable perspective, etc., sometimes you just think, "God, if only I had just been assigned female [or male]."

That doesn't mean that transitioning isn't worth it, or that since you weren't assigned female, you can never experience womanhood, feeling feminine, enjoying your body, living a feminine social role, having curves, being soft, etc. You can! I think you may be surprised how much euphoria, joy, and healing you can feel in the process of transition. I will not lie and say that it is always sunshine and rainbows or that once you begin, you'll never have dysphoria again, but I do not want you to write off transition as "probably impossible and unsatisfying" before you even try. I spent a lot of my life feeling like, "Well if I could choose, I would choose to be assigned male, but since I can't, I'll just be the best woman I can be." I wish I could tell myself, "You know, you can choose, now. You know, you can want things. You know, you don't have to resign yourself." I've also spent a lot of time thinking, "If only I looked more naturally androgynous, I'd probably try to pass as male sometimes, but since I'm stuck with an obviously feminine figure, I guess that's a message from the universe that I shouldn't try." I wish I could tell myself, "It's not a message. It's random. People with different-shaped bodies aren't 'succeeding at androgyny/masculinity' more than you. You can change the shape of your body."

How you look isn't destiny. How other people perceive you isn't destiny.

You also don't have to "feel like a woman." Maybe someday you will, or maybe you never will; maybe you're some flavor of nonbinary. Or maybe transitioning would change how you feel; for some, having feminine body attributes and being perceived/treated as a woman comes before feeling "I am a woman." At any rate, you don't need to feel like a woman in order to not be a man, or in order to justify exploring what transition might look like for you.

What would be different if you were AFAB? I am seriously asking, not in a rhetorical diminishing "gender is a construct and nothing would be different really so just stop having feelings about gender" way. If you imagine your life now, had you been AFAB, what would it look like? Maybe you wouldn't have a very traditionally feminine expression; you might dress in a tomboyish, butch, or masculine way, but you would still be considered a woman, and people would treat you as a woman. It might be similar to, or different from, the way you dress now. Your body would have a different shape. People would call you "she" and "her," and use language for you like "that lady," "ma'am," "sister", "daughter". You'd likely have a different name. What would your name be, do you think? What do you wish/hope it would be?

So, here's the first step of my five-step plan for translating "I wish I had been assigned [x] at birth" to a transition plan: imagine. Spend some time sketching out the Alternate Timeline AFAB You. That's right, write some science fiction. Be detailed. Be mundane. Walk through your imaginary day. What's your routine? Be expansive. Don't edit yourself.

Step two: identify which parts of this fantasy are most interesting and important to you. What makes you feel goosebumps, in a good way? What parts do you want to linger on? What parts do you long for? What parts do you not care for so much, or you're unsure about, or you actively dislike them?

Step three: Now that you have a list of specific desires, you can start to think about their feasibility as transition steps rather than as alternate timeline fantasies. Probably you have listed many things that are perfectly possible. So, which are they? Don't think about whether they would be easy or hard, or start raising objections such as "But I have a business under my current name," or "That would require major surgery," etc. We're just talking THEORETICALLY possible. Think "What would it be possible for a trans person to do?" if you can't think about yourself doing it yet.

You may need to do some research to find out what is possible through surgery and HRT; I have often found that questioning people are surprised or misinformed about the possibilities, and/or that they purposely prevent themselves from learning because they're afraid. Step four: Action plan. Now think about YOURSELF doing these things. What needs to happen in order to make these things possible? What are the obstacles in your way? Your brain is likely to come up with a lot of arguments and objections, some of which will be legit but surmountable, and some of which will be absurd. Writing them down can help gain perspective on them rather than just feeling like, "Ahhh, it's all too much." For many items, you may not know whether they're important to you or not. This is not necessarily a list of "things to definitely do," so much as a list of things you might be interested to try, ideally with a spirit of playfulness.

You cannot be assigned female at birth, and, I want to acknowledge that that is something to grieve for. Transition and gender experimentation/play can't 100% counteract that grief. But it can bring you so much joy, if you let it. I think that it can do more than you think.

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 5 years

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Can you do one of your metas on Elena, her strengths, flaws and why you (and I!) still like her despite the fact that many understandably don't?!

Yes! Thank you so much for sending this in. I love any opportunity I get to talk about and defend Elena, because I think she’s such an unfairly hated/disliked character.

I actually wrote a very in-depth meta about Elena before here, but since I did it a couple of years ago now some of my opinions and thoughts have changed since then. What I speak about in the sections about Elena being a Mary Sue and her strengths and weaknesses are still what I think, so it’s particularly worth reading that, because that’s relevant to this question.

The thing is with Elena is, yes, she’s a flawed character, but characters should be flawed because human beings are flawed. Elena’s flaws are exactly what make her relatable and real. Based on what I’ve seen in fandom over the years the main reasons people seem to dislike Elena are because she’s selfish, a Mary Sue or undeveloped as character. In my previous meta I explained why she’s not a Mary Sue, and I stand by that. As for the selfish part, I agree with it wholeheartedly. Elena is selfish, but who isn’t? I don’t understand disliking or hating on a character based on their selfishness because selfishness is a natural human trait that is instilled in all of us. In fact, most of us have to actively try to not be selfish and to be more considerate of others, because we’re naturally hard-wired to think of ourselves first. I would argue that Elena isn’t anymore selfish than any other character on the show and that rather than selfishness, it’d probably be more accurate to refer to it as self-centredness. And you might think those two words mean the same, but to me, selfishness is actively choosing to put your own well-being above others at the detriment of those around you. Self-centredness is a tendency to think about yourself first and to be oblivious to the impact that has on others around you. So, I’d say that Elena was self-centred rather than selfish. She had a tendency to think about how she felt and how things affected her and wasn’t always able to see how others around her were feeling or how they may be affected. The claim that Elena was undeveloped is also a valid argument. I like Elena but even I’m not blind to the incredibly poor characterisation and development she had. I understand the writers intentions with Elena, but unfortunately, it didn’t really work. It felt like Elena never really went beyond her original character profile. It’s like the writers sat down in a room and decided the core traits they wanted her to have in the pilot episode and season 1, but they never really went beyond that. So for me, a big part of the reason I like Elena is because of the potential her character had and the fact that I feel like she’s unfairly hated, as I’ve already mentioned.

Overall, I really don’t think Elena was that flawed, except for her self-centredness and indecisiveness. The biggest flaw of her character was the inconsistent writing that failed to fully build upon her as a character or explore her nuances and sacrificed her characterisation and development for the sake of her romantic relationship. I think that over the years people have exaggerated her flaws in open rebellion against the writers who plugged Elena as this wonderful, selfless heroine whom everyone worshipped and adored. Whenever there’s a character like that people deliberately search for their flaws. This kind of writing also tends to turns people off the character and instead they start to root for the ‘underdog’ or the character that is sidelined (in this case, Bonnie and/or Caroline). So a big part of the problem with Elena’s character comes from the writing and the way in which the narrative constantly centred on her, put her on a pedestal and tried to push her as being special, which people begrudge.

Ironically, the reason I love Elena is because I don’t think she was special. She was just a very normal girl who wanted what most teenagers want - to get through high school, have fun with her friends and live some semblance of an ordinary life with happy moments in between. She wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t special, she was just a girl that tried her best in impossible situations. She didn’t always make the best decisions and she wasn’t always the embodiment of empathy and compassion, but she showed amazing strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Time and time again she experienced tremendous traumas but she dealt with them as best she could, and in the process remained an optimistic and kind soul. Her resilience was undoubtedly her biggest strength. It still astounds me that Elena was able to overcome so much pain and trauma.

When people criticise Elena’s character, I think they fail to consider that although we’re not explicitly told it Elena consistently exhibited signs of depression. She explicitly said that after her parents death she didn’t want to live, she stopped enjoying her hobbies such as writing and cheer leading, but most significantly, she displayed reckless behaviours and suicidal tendencies. Unfortunately, her suicidal tendencies have been brushed off as being acts of “sacrifice” to save those she loved. I’m not saying they weren’t sacrifices, but her willingness to die was not normal for someone with a healthy mindset. I would die to save someone I love, but it wouldn’t be an easy decision. And perhaps that makes me sound like a terrible person, but I don’t want to die. I have a strong desire and instinct to live and sacrificing my life for someone I love is something I’d do, but I’d be absolutely terrified and heartbroken. However, when Elena was faced with the possibility of her own death, she didn’t seem to care. She passed it off as “I’m doing it to protect the people I love”, but whether that was true or not it doesn’t change the fact that she was going to die. The way Buffy reacted to finding out she was going to die is exactly how I would expect a teenager to react to receiving that kind of devastating news (x). Elena never reacted like this at the prospect of dying. In fact, when she died in 3x22 she seemed at peace, as though she was okay with the fact that she was dying. Afterwards when she woke up in transition she literally said, “I was ready to die”. It’s strange, because I always accepted that Elena didn’t want to be a vampire and that she was heartbroken at the start of season 4, but on reflection it doesn’t make sense. Elena has been around vampires and she knew that although it has it’s cons, she could still have a relatively normal life. Plus, she had a support network around her, particularly Caroline who had literally gone through the process of becoming a vampire two years previously and who had adapted to it brilliantly. I look back now and the only explanation I have for Elena’s reaction to becoming a vampire is that she wanted to die. Lets not forget that a few episodes later in 4x06 she tried to kill herself. She was under the influence of the Hunters curse, but all the curse did is bring her own self-loathing and suicidal thoughts to the forefront. And notice how in her relationships with Stefan and Damon she made some sort of reference to how they provided her with a reason to live. About Stefan: “After my parents died I kind of felt like I didn’t know how to live anymore. Like I didn’t want to. But then being with Stefan, somehow I just figured it out. And that’s what love should be. You should love the person that makes you glad that you’re alive.” About Damon: “ I’m not sorry that I met you. I’m not sorry that knowing you has made me question everything, that in death you’re the one that made me feel most alive.” Elena actively searched for something to live for in her relationships with Stefan and Damon, which just demonstrates to me that outside of those relationships she felt she has no reason to live. That’s hardly healthy and also explains why her relationship with Damon became so intense in seasons 5 and 6 to the point that she described him as being the one that defined her and felt that she couldn’t live without him.

I could continue assessing this aspect of Elena but it’ll get too long. The point is that Elena endured a lot of hurt and trauma and people crap on her for some of the shitty decisions she made (none of which are really that bad, they’re just generic incidents of self-involvement that we’re all guilty of) without taking into account the context of her character or her mental state. Even the fact that she entered into relationships with vampires as a human is indicative of self-destructive tendencies. Regardless of the humanistic qualities Stefan and Damon had, the fact that they were vampires was obviously only going to bring strife to Elena’s life, but she disregarded that and chose to be with them anyway. Elena had a lot of deep-rooted emotional issues that she didn’t really ever get to deal with because every time she tried to make progress and heal something else traumatic happened to her. People don’t want to accept that Elena was a victim because the narrative placed her as the victim, and it pisses people off, but whether you like her or not she was a victim. Almost everything that happened to and around Elena was as a result of what she was (the doppelganger) or who she was connected to (Katherine, Stefan and Damon primarily) rather than her own decisions or actions.

She was also a victim of the writing. I don’t want to bring ships into this too much because that’s a separate issue, but Elena’s entire characterisation was sacrificed for the benefit of her relationship with Damon. The writers had to change her in certain ways to make that relationship work and instead of Elena having the kind of development we generally expect characters to have (whereby they change for the better), she actually regressed as a character. Elena’s entire character was built around the idea of her being compassionate, empathetic and nurturing, and being a good friend, girlfriend and sister, but all of that immediately became null and void when she got into a relationship with Damon. How could we believe that Elena was compassionate and a good friend/sister when she willingly entered into a relationship with a man who abused and raped her best friend (Caroline), murdered her brother in front of her and kidnapped and threatened him later on in the series, brutally attacked her other best friend (Bonnie), murdered Vicki and turned her into a vampire and killed Aaron. Those are just the bad things Damon did to Elena’s friends and family that I can recall from the top of my head. And this is also a core aspect of Elena’s character that people have a problem with - her entire characterisation no longer stands when she gets into a relationship with Damon. No matter how much the writers tried to tell us post season 4 that Elena was a kind, selfless and caring person, friend and sister, being with Damon automatically invalidated all of that. For Elena to make sense as a character and exist in that relationship, they had to completely re-establish her entire personality and core traits and the writers couldn’t be bothered to do that so just swept it under the rug. The problem is that fans don’t turn a blind eye to things like that they notice it.

So the big question here is why do you, and I, and others still like Elena? Well, I can only speak for myself, but I like Elena because (prior to season 4) she was a genuinely sweet and kind-hearted person that was relatable and had lots of potential but that was done a great injustice by the writing. Elena could’ve been one of the best loved characters of all time if the writers had known how to handle her, but they lost her character amidst the triangle drama and her relationships with the Salvatore brothers (honestly, I think if the triangle didn’t exist, Elena would’ve immediately been a more well-liked character generally). She didn’t do anything to warrant the terrible things that happened to her and has been consistently bashed by fans who nit-pick the minor examples of self-centredness she displayed and overlook all the kindness she showed and the hardships she endured. The horrendous traumas she suffered through have been glossed over but honestly, as a 17 year old girl that went through everything she did, she showed incredible strength and resilience. For that alone, I cannot do anything but love Elena Gilbert.

Also, as a side-note, on a more personal level, I relate to Elena a lot as a character that’s considered flat and boring and that people see as lacking in conviction. I’m always very insecure that I’m dull, that there’s nothing interesting about me and that people will find it difficult to like me or connect to me because I’m a very neutral character. I also worry because I don’t have a specific path in mind for my future or one thing that I’m passionate about and want to dedicate my life to. And I feel like people a lot of people in real life really are like this. Not every single person in the world is super deep and multi-layered with really well-defined personalities. Not everyone is fun, vibrant, charming and charismatic. Likewise, a lot of people don’t know exactly what they want out of life (in fact, I’d argue people who know what they want are in the minority of people). A lot of people are just dull and ‘ordinary’ and don’t have their lives mapped out. We have this tendency to analyse characters based on their traits, their strengths, weaknesses, hobbies, desires, fears etc. which is fun and I love to do it, but real people are more complex than that. If I asked people that know me to describe my core personality they probably wouldn’t be able to (hell, I don’t even think I’d be able to!), because you can never really articulate the essence of what a person is no matter how hard you try. People are contradictory and personalities, feelings, thoughts, morals, beliefs etc. are very changeable. There are core aspects to who we are, but people can change the way they think or behave or what they believe all the time depending upon circumstances and experiences. Elena may not necessarily have a core personality or characterisation that is maintained across the series, but in a strange way, that makes her more human to me than any other character. And I relate so much to the way that Elena never really knows what to do when it comes to making important life decisions. It’s important to remember when analysing Elena that despite Nina looking (and being) older than 17, Elena is supposed to be a 17 year old girl. Most teenagers that age don’t have a clue who they are, what they want or who they want and are just living day to day and seeing where life takes them. That’s exactly what Elena did and since she “made it” it gives me hope that I will one day too.

Thank you so much for asking, lovely! I tried to keep this short, but I have a lot of thoughts and feelings when it comes to Elena. Hopefully I made sense, because I felt like a lot of this was very muddled and explained terribly.

#answered #my meta #tvd meta #elena gilbert #anti-delena #theofficestan

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skeletorific · 7 years

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UT/US/UF/SF Skelebros & Grillby with a S/O who acts more like their best friend then a romantic partner. Always roasting them or something like that, not because they don't love them, they just never got a good example, so this is how S/O shows them (while still obviously doing romzntic things, like dates and kisses and such)

Okay for the record, ideal relationship, honestly. Like if you’re more down for classic style romance or something else, that’s cool, but for me this is just YES.

UT!Sans: He never really thought he’d get this lucky. Sans is NOT a romantic skeleton. Its always been kind of iffy that he would get into a relationship in the first place. He’s just uncomfortable with all that “flowers in hand play guitar under your window” stuff, and he kind of likes what you’ve got going. Makes the transition into the relationship easier too. Sans is almost always a “friends to lovers” kind of guy and this makes that hurdle between close friend and partner that much easier to cross.

UT!Papyrus: You may not be the best match for him. Papyrus is a big fan of classic, courtly romance, with big gestures and flowery words and giant promises. While he’s happy to take up some slack, he’s generally happier with a partner that reciprocates to some extent. He sympathizes with your lack of examples., but chances are this relationship isn’t really going anywhere. He understands love in a different way than you do, and that’s a pretty big roadblock.

UT!Grillby: He kind of splits the difference on the bros. Sure, he could go for being wooed a little more often, but with how often you two are in public and how private a person he is, its probably for the best. If he wants more romance he’s willing to model it a bit for you. But hey, he’s not really a fan of his, er….flames being stoked at work anyways (that’s sounds more NSFW than I meant it), so its a bit convenient.

UF!Sans: YES. YES. THANK YOU. Sorry if this sounds like more of my self-shipping bullshit (”oh look my favorite skele just HAPPENS to have similar relational preferences”), but honestly, Red is deeply uncomfortable with either giving or receiving major romancey stuff. He just doesn’t get it, its embarrassing, awkward, and he feels completely out of his depth. And not in a cute “oh my s/o is making me blush!!!!” way but in like “I just want to go home and lock myself in my room” kind of way. Maybe he could go for a few more clear symbols that you’re involved (mostly because of his own territorial issues), but chances are physical stuff is enough for him to feel secure in that. Or if you’re not into physical stuff, then he can just live with it. But you will never hear complaints from him about the lack of mushy shit. Honestly, its kind of a relief.

UF!Papyrus: Okay, don’t roast him too often if you don’t want him to yell at you, but he’s fine if you’re not good for romance. He’ll provide a few gestures of his own when he’s in the mood, but in general he prefers relationships understood through mutual support and loyalty. As long as he knows that you love him, that’s more than enough. Besides, he wouldn’t like sharing that side of you with others anyways.

UF!Grillby: This isn’t what he would probably list as his ideal but it may be one of the healthiest kinds for him. Grillbz is just a bit of an ass. Haha, just kidding, he’s a major dick from start to finish. And he needs someone who’ll push back against him. Who won’t be afraid to drag him for fear of ruining the mood. He wants to take this to a physical place, to a somewhat dramatic and slightly dysfunctional place, but keep it up. In the end, he’ll trust you more than he ever has anyone, except maybe his daughter. Because the way you treat him makes it clear that you are his equal, not his toy or a soft dream to disard when he gets bored.

US!Sans: Like Tale Papyrus, you may not be the best match for him. But he doesn’t stop the relationship. He keeps trying, keeps going bigger and bigger, hoping you’ll pick up on it and respond in kind. And in the end, this isn’t sustainable for him. He can’t keep pouring in all this energy and receiving….well, not nothing, but he isn’t receivng love in the way that he understands it, and that’s kind of draining for him. Okay, a lot draining. The two of you are going to have to sit down for a long talk about the direction of this. You may break up, but if you don’t, you’re going to have to learn how to stretch yourself a bit in this direction. He will appreciate any attempts on your part, even if they aren’t always home runs.

US!Papyrus: Stretch is just a bit of a secret romantic, but he’s embarrassed to admit it even if you are into that kind of thing. In this case he’s more than happy to stuff those desires down. In fact, you’re likely the kind of partner he’ll seek out, because he doesn’t really want to acknowledge that part of him. He’s the lowkey brother, right? Not particularly needy or poetic. But the truth is, eventually those needs are going to come up. And he’s happy to talk it through with you. But it’ll be a long road for both of you.

US!Grillby: Well, he’s happy to model for you! He’s a pretty classic guy, and happy to sweep you off your feet. Unlike Tale Papyrus, he doesn’t really need to have his gestures reciprocated that often. In fact, given how work oriented he is, its kind of nice to know he won’t be ambushed by it when he needs to focus. He’d rather have a friend than a lover, honestly, given that he doesn’t have a lot, and its nice that he can combine both in one.

SF!Sans: He’s happy to model too, but he’s a bit more….forceful. Like, going WAAAAAY overboard because obviously the Magnificent and Terrible Sans is the best teacher of seduction! You may have to get him to tone it down just a bit. But he wants to make damn sure there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that you two are an item. And given that he’s not a fan of PDA, this is what he’s got.

SF!Papyrus: He doesn’t have a lot of romantic needs, so he’s chill with it. If you want to go more, cool. If not, that’s fine. He’ll pull out a gesture or two of his own on special occasions, but in general he’s extremely private about your relationship. He’s too used to stuff being taken from him. But in general he’s okay with whatever you’re comfortable with. He’s flattered by anything you can put together but it doesn’t really ever register with him that that’s the kind of thing he should be expecting.

SF!Grillby: In terms of possessiveness issues this guy makes Rasp look like a quick hook-up kind of guy. For better or for worse he wants every single person that sees you to know you are his. And this means he’s bizarrely intense about the romantic aspect. He’s not about being treated like a best friend, he’s your lover and the two of you are going to act like it. If you don’t know how, you’re sure as hell going to learn now He won’t break up with you. Once he’s determined someone matters enough to him to enter that intimate of a relationship there is no going back. This’ll go until you either figure out how to romance as well as him or you break up with him.

#undertale #underfell #underswap #swapfell #sans #papyrus #grillby #uf!sans #uf!papyrus #uf!grillby #us!sans #us!papyrus #us!grillby #sf!sans #sf!papyrus #sf!grillby #unromantic s/o #headcanon

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eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years

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Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 31 Community)

Not all health conditions have what they call a community or a group of others with the same condition coming together as a group to be with, support and help one another. Let's be honest, most conditions don't need a community. There's a lot of conditions that are very cut and dry and easy to understand. There's a group on Facebook for everything but I can tell you right now there's not going to be a ton of people in a Hemorrhoid support group. The EDS group is a very close knit group with much value and importance to those who are part of it and I'll be explaining some of those reasons.

Of course one of the most obvious with having a rare disease is to be able to meet someone like you. To know others exist and to share similar experiences with. You know you can always find someone there that truly understands what you're going through having a condition so disabling you tend to lose most, if not all of your friends, some even lose family. Rather it be due to lack of understanding, lack of belief, fear, or any other list of reasons it seems to happen to all of us. So this is a way to make friends just like us. Friends that won't resent us for the physical abilities we have lost or the lifestyle changes placed on us by this syndrome.

Another reason is well because it's rare. It's surprisingly difficult to find any good information about EDS on the internet when you first get diagnosed unless you know where to look. In addition to this being a condition that lacks studies and research it's also extremely complex. In fact before being diagnosed, even with going to nursing school, I had no idea something this complex existed. If you are ever trying to find reliable information about a specific aspect of EDS it may be really hard to find, especially if the topic you're looking for is very specific. You can go into groups. A lot of individuals have certain documents bookmarked or saved in a word document or spreadsheet and can lead you in the right direction. If we can't find a study done in something we can also use support groups to do our own informal studies. Just simply create a pole and let everyone chime in. Before you know it, if posted in a larger group you'll go check out your pole and may have two or three hundred answers to your question.

Next, with EDS pretty much any body structure is a free game which means lots and lots of comorbidities. A good number of comorbidities are common amongst us which means we always have someone to relate to and ask questions to. In addition to this you can expand your groups to include groups for people with those comorbidities further extending your knowledge and possibility of friends. Most doctors don't know anything about these conditions so that leaves it to us to learn everything there is to know about it. When you finally think you have read everything there is on the web, others read thousands of sites or journals you haven't come across and ones you have read they didn't know existed so it's all about learning together and having people who understand.

Being a condition that is so very painful and severely affects sleep as well as causing many of us great depression and guilt for what we've lost and the deterioration our body has been through as well as the feeling of loss. We feel guilty for everything we put out families through, for needing help, for canceling plans and letting people down. Not only as if what we once were has already passed away but also the loss of friends, many times every single one we had before this illness and sometimes family members. We grieve the loss and are angry to learn that people we thought were our best friends and would never leave disappointed in us like a used paper plate. This is also the time it dawns on us how many of these people used us when we were healthy to provide them with things we need. Most of us have OCD or are on the high functioning side of the Autism Spectrum so tend to take responsibility and do things right, including not letting down our friends and family very seriously. Most of us thrive on routine and rules and chronic illness often gets to a point that a lot of this is no longer possible forcing us to make decisions last minute, change them or cancel them last minute, not be able to complete things by a time we have set for ourselves etc and that's really hard. It's helpful to know others who are or have been going through the same thing and to know you're not alone, not the one letting yourself and others down and to be told it's okay and it's not our fault.

The majority of us also have Medical Trauma Induced Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We spent years of our lives rather you're lucky and got diagnosis in two years or ate 70 and have spent the last 55 years actively seeking a diagnosis we all have to fight for one, to see doctor after doctor and oftentimes the worst part of it all, be miss diagnosed with psychiatric disorders such as anxiety and Conversion Disorders. These are extremely dangerous and life threatening diagnosis for us because it essentially closes the door on even looking for a cause of what is going wrong with us. Conversion Disorder is a Diagnosis given after all other conditions have been ruled out the problem is, doctors use it as a crutch to not have to deal with us. We are also superstars, especially in the beginning at having beautiful results when it comes to basic blood tests such as a CBC. The problem is, again, doctors are known to cut corners because they like the majority of mankind are lazy creatures who tend to want to just get the job done. It doesn't matter if it's thoroughly done and done with utmost care to put as much effort into it as they can, it's just done and to them done is good enough so they do the common tests and call it done, close the book and slap a label of conversion disorder on us that follows us around for life for every other doctor to use as an excuse to say they are done too. It takes years to find a doctor who is in it for the better of the patient; one who is up for a challenge; one who is willing to do more testing and testing that is more advanced and most importantly, a doctor who believes us and is willing to go the extra mile. It's when these less common tests like a Tilt Table Study, Gastric Emptying Study, Urodynamics Testing, Upright MRIs instead of doing them in the prone position, Sweat Testing, a Sitzmark Colon Transit Time Study, a 24 hour urine test to measure histamine levels, skin biopsies and ultimately EDS Testing via either the Brighton score system along with a through study of the body and some questions used to determine a positive or negative diagnosis or Genetic Testing to determine a type of EDS that has a genetic mutation that has been discovered. Not all forms of EDS have had their genetic mutation discovered yet which is why the other study is so important. There are more tests that can be utalkzss than the ones mentioned but as you can see, none of these are tests that are done on a routine basis and a lot of doctors don't want to deal with them slapping the psychological, "all in our head" diagnosis on us prematurely.

This results in us without a diagnosis for what we have going on with our body. When this happens we aren't receiving treatment for the symptoms we are experiencing allowing them to escalate. To make things worse we are often given the wrong treatments, handed antipsychotic medications that cause even more adverse symptoms and don't work. When they don't work the doses are increased higher and higher resulting in more to go wrong with our bodies. This also closes the door to treatment causing doctors and hospitals to dismiss life threatening issues, sending us home when we are actually so sick we should be in the ICU. I myself was declared clinically dead at least 10 times before my diagnosis, four because my heart stopped and I went into cardiac arrest and the rest because my blood pressure would drop below 60/20 which in the medical field is a pressure that is considered legally dead. With all but one of these I was sent home within an hour to a few hours of it happening simply told that was weird and sent home on paperwork for Conversion Disorder, Hypochondriasis, or some other psychosomatic disorder and is I was lucky this would sent me discharging me with a diagnosis of low blood pressure and that was that. One of my codes my mom was in the room, thank God for her. When I code no one came. My mom went running down the hall begging for help pleading for a nurse to help because no one was running to my room. The nurse told her I'm probably faking it and just pulled my leads off and told my mom just to ignore me because people like me feed on attention. My mom ran back to the room and thank God had some medical training as a girl scout leader because she had to take first aid and CPR. My mom brought me back. The nurse walked in right after and checked my wires. They are still in place. My state as well as several others protect their medical personnel against malpractice suits so there was nothing we could do. I've been sent home with gastric ischemia which is a life threatening condition where the blood pressure increases to dangerous levels in the intestines. It can cause the pressures to get so high it bursts and dissects blood vessels in the intestines causing a person to bleed to death. I was sent home with a diagnosis of General Psychosis and Anorexia as well as treated for anemia and vitamin deficiency. They blamed it on anorexia, not the fact I physically couldn't eat and was having bowel movements that were nothing but pure blood that everyone. Refused to look at. I had an allergic reaction so bad it almost killed me and was sent home diagnosed with conversion disorder and sent to my doctor who wanted me in ICU but upon refusal from the hospital to see me again even with my vitals so poor my doctor had to take care of me basically sending me home with what I called a take home hospital and working with my mom over the phone to take care of me available all hours of the night. I had a nurse try to give me 50 times the dose of this same medication that caused this. Been sent home with intestinal blockages, hernias, extreme dehydration, a UTI after they said the results came back negative only to get them in the mail a week later to see they were positive and by that time my UTI was so severe I had a kidney infection and was in kidney failure. I've sat there days and nights in a hospital bed where nurses refuse to answer my call light saying I have a conversion. Disorder, don't need to be there and I'm wasting their time and resources taking up a bed for someone who is really sick and that they won't be coming anymore the rest of the night not knowing I was one of the sickest ones on the ward and just misdiagnosed. I've had nurses rip IVs out of my arm, ya know how they push you to your car when you're released? There are a lot of times they pull my IV, tell me I'm not sick anyway and can do it myself having to take multiple trips to get my personal belongings out of my room. When I lost the ability to walk I had multiple doctors tell me I could and would pick me up, put my feet on the ground and the. Let go of

dropping me on the floor. This happened a lot at OSU with their doctors. Again and again dropping me and seeing I didn't have that natural response to catch myself and went straight into the hard tile floor with my fragile and damaged connective tissue would they say hmm. You really can't walk then send another doctor in who would do the exact same thing. I got picked up and dropped four times by four different neurologists just in the first week of being paralyzed and it's happened time and time again after that at other neurology appointments. I could go on and on. This is the stuff a lot of us go through. It's extremely common with EDS, most of us have complex PTSD.

Most of us have an extreme fear of going to the hospital because that's when we are at our worst and at the same time, a time we get treated worse than anywhere else about our chronic illness. We go in knowing it's a game of Russian Roulette with a really high chance we will be sent home sicker than I came in. Worst of all, there's no way to treat our PTSD because it had to be treated by a doctor, the people we have the least trust in. Not only that but the cruel mistreatment never ends. Every hospital visit. I have had good nurses before but I have never gone to the hospital once where I can say everyone was good. I hear a lot of healthy individuals say endless good things about the hospital staff they had or they have some reason they have to go. When you have a rare invisible illness like EDS we aren't given that same care. The appalling lack of medical care never ends therefore it's impossible to even treat our PTSD. It's not like someone in the military who is in a war and when the war is over, it's done, they never have it go back and can get treatment and start to heal. It's like having to live the rest of their lives in that war as a POW who has been captured and imprisoned by the enemy and every time they get out they are found and imprisoned by another enemy and another enemy and then going to see a psychologist who happens for this only to find out the psychologist is one of those enemies from the other side who captures and holds others line you as POWs yet wants to try to help you get over everything that has happened to you even though you're still occasionally been tending by someone else and beat up before getting away again. Seeing a psychologist for us just doesn't work. We have no trust in the medical field and the gross mistreatment and lack of care is never ending. The EDS community can relate to this when one else can. While the healthy people we know, the people we grew up with, who became nurses and doctors themselves get mad telling us those doctors and nurses are heroes, they can do no wrong. That stuff doesn't happen, they are made up of the most caring and compassionate individuals. Those in our community and other rare or invisible disease communities know that degree of mistreatment all too well. We know the truth about the medical field.

We know they are no different than any other company. Identical to the people making minimum wage in a more trivial position such as a greater at a retail store. There are the good ones who take their job very seriously and want to do their job to the best of their ability truly valuing hard work and are highly motivated individuals but most people at a job are just working because they have to. They have bills but if they were multimillionaires there's no way they would be there now. They want to get the job done and go home. It doesn't matter how they get it done, it's just got to be done. These are quantity over quality people. They take working smarter not harder totally wrong, defining it in their mind as taking any short cut necessary to get it done. Ya know how at most jobs they would have, for example, 50 people but there are three of them that seem to pull all the weight. The three everyone thinks takes things too seriously because they hardly leave their desk or station. They don't take the time to walk around socializing and joking around with their peers. When things get behind they are the ones who stress and work really hard to get things caught up where others say I'm not getting paid any more, I'm not going to bend over backwards and stress about if they aren't paying me more. The three people first to volunteer for overtime and the least to grumble of the boss asks them to stay over another 15 minutes to finish something while on the other days a boss May say that if you get your work done you can go hike and everyone rushed to gst the job done to get out the door while those three are left sitting there at their desks to get the job done right whole also correcting others work that was hastily submitted so they could go home or start the weekend early. Just because someone is in the medical field doesn't make them any different from those who hold other jobs. If most of them won five million dollars they would be out of there. Forget the two weeks notice, heck they don't have to work anymore. Someone else can take their patients. If they're told its slow and they can go home when all the patients are out then one more comes walking in the door as they are packing up their stuff there are a lot if doctors will look to the people who are still working and say hey, I'm about to head out of here, do you mind taking this last Patient? It's human nature.

As generations have gone on more and more people are lazy and the medical field is no exception. When you're chronically ill and have spent a lot of time in the hospital it gets really easy to spot those three people. The ones who if they were multimillionaires may cut back their hours but would never dream of leaving their job because their job means more than money to them. They take great pride in making people better, getting them diagnosed, saving lives and they can't see life another way. Those are the good ones. The good ones line any other job. They are far and few, they pull all of the weight, are walked on by other staff members, their managers usually fail to see their accomplishments as they don't spend a lot of time just hanging out with workers at a patient's expense. They are the ones who will advocate and fight for their patients to all ends but like any other job, maybe five percent or one percent or any other single digit percentage of the employees are these people so EDS patients my get one person on their care team that is amazing, maybe two but will never get a whole care team and it seems like the good ones get more far and few the higher the position. I've had more caring and compassionate house cleaning staff. STNA's, more good STNA's than LPN's, more LPN's seen to be there for the patient then RN's and more RN's. Doctors.

I don't think I've ever had a bad Volunteer at a hospital. The volunteers just love to be there for the patients, to put a smile on their faces and to know they made a difference in our lives. Rather it be to bring us a coloring book and crayons, their Emotional Support Dog around to visit us (which is my favorite) bring us a warm blanket or fill up our water containers. I've had one bring me a card and a flower in a small tube of water. The volunteers are there because they want to be there, not because they have to be there. It seems like the higher the person is on the pay scale the more people are in it for the money. Money talks even if it's at the patient's expense and usually if you have a complicated or invisible illness like EDS you are the expenditure. A community is important to know we aren't alone, to share their experiences, some in the group have become medical advocates and will fight for others in their area who can't get the help they need. These advocates, especially the ones with lots of training are invaluable to the EDS community. They may not be able to fix our problems but it's nice to know there is someone out there who tried. When you're at your worst advocating for yourself is extremely difficult and sometimes impossible and oftentimes our families don't do a lot of research on their own so aren't able to advocate for us so having someone who can is more beneficial than words.

As you can see there are so many different reasons community is important and vital to all of us. Some use it simply as a way to relate or a way to make friends like them after losing the friends they had before their health declined to the extent their healthier friends no longer could relate to them and left. Many are involved in the community to gather information and gain knowledge about their conditions. Support groups are also there to talk, especially with so many who have PTSD. We can't trust a psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist as they are medical professionals and talking to a live person is more fulfilling than writing a journal that no one reads. Sometimes it's as if these individuals, having gone through this themselves, know just want to say and how to help us. Some are there as a medical advocate in their area. Someone who can be there for them in medical situations or even just to give them advice as to what to say to make doctors listen, direct them who to contact if they aren't receiving appropriate care and what to do or ask for from our medical personnel. Some even use these groups to find names of doctors that work with EDS patients or places to go where they may be able to get help or even ideas of what treatments work for others with similar comorbidities. There's even a few groups out there run by people who were medical workers before EDS ravaged their body to an extent that they had to leave the field. It consists of disabled nurses, doctors, radiologists and various specialists. This group works to tell us if we need a second opinion. We can post test results or imaging onto the page and since legally they can't have a diagnosis since they aren't currently working they give what's called a "non expert opinion, telling us what they see or would suspect and if we need to see someone else. I find all of these viral and that's why I see the EDS community as not an invaluable and essential part of my life and wellbeing as an individual with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

#myEDSchallenge #myHSDchallenge

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fexesuto-blog · 4 years

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What You Don't Know About Malawi Visa Could Be Costing to More Than You Think

http://ja.ivisa.com/malawi-visa

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