#i dont know my life is a mess lately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

subdee · 1 year

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Do you mind if I ask what medication you are taking for ADHD? I've been taking viloxazine but it keeps me awake for multiple days sometimes. My doctor and I are going to meet and talk about revising the medication. I'm trying to avoid adderall.

Hi anon! I'm not currently taking any medication for ADHD. When I was in grad school I had a methylphenidate prescription, the generic version of Ritalin.

... I also couldn't get the prescription refilled because I did grad school in England and fast-acting stimulants are a schedule II controlled substance there, plus adult ADHD diagnoses weren't really a thing at the time (this was 10 years ago).

So since I only had the limited supply I brought with me I would take it "as needed" to write papers, finish assignments, write my graduate thesis... Basically I was one of those bad people who get a prescription they "don't need" just to get schoolwork done, even though I had been properly evaluated and diagnosed by my regular non pill-pushing doctor before going to the UK.

Maybe it's because I wasn't taking the medication regularly AS medication, but my experience was the same as yours. I had a lot of trouble sleeping, plus I would get a bit, I don't know if manic is the proper word for it, but energized and then crash afterward.... I don't think I've ever been as depressed as I was while prescribed methylphenidate, lol. This would happen with both the quick-release and slow-release pills and actually the slow-release ones were worse because they were at a higher dose.

So my experience with ADHD medication is mixed because on the one hand I did finish my thesis on time and on the other hand it wasn't something I could continue long term, and ultimately I decided to stop taking it and find other ways to focus.

...and also, I decided to not pursue a career in social statistics that would have required a lot of intense focus on solitary projects for long periods of time. Instead I work in an urban high school where we're always in crisis mode and there are immediate consequences if I don't plan my lessons well enough and that motivates me, lol.

It's funny, as a kid I always considered that I had a shorter attention span than others, and also that it was more variable than others and less under my conscious contro (Thinking, Fast and Slow is a good book about this).

But as I've become an (older) adult and settled, and also as more and more people spend more and more time looking at screens -- we were the ONLY family with a desktop computer at home in my neighborhood when I was in middle school -- lately it seems like the average attention span has shortened. And mine is actually fairly long now in comparison. So I don't feel the need to take medication anymore, really.

The non-medication thing that helped me the most, btw, when I was job-hunting after grad school was a project to journal my moods / energy hour by hour throughout the day. Because what I realized was that my main problem was that I didn't **know** how I was feeling, so I couldn't manage my energy by myself by adjusting my schedule, resting when needed, drinking coffee, etc.

Once I gained the magic skill to know and manage my own moods that helped tremendously. And I want to say that the ADHD medication, although I didn't keep using it, really helped with that by exaggerating my attention swings and making them predictable. Not just was it easier to recognize the exaggerated moods, but also I let go of a lot of ideas I'd had about what I "should" be able to do and a lot of moralizing I'd been doing about being a lazy good for nothing, etc. Because how could it be a moral issue or a question of willpower when you could change it with a pill?

For this reason, I think everyone should try a mind-altering or mood-altering drug at some point in their lives, even if they ultimately decide to not take any drugs. I think it gives you empathy for other people whose brains work differently from yours, and a sense of perspective about your own brain.

I'm sure this isn't what you wanted, maybe try asking in a ADHD medication subreddit or on ask.metafilter.com. I think you'd get a lot of interesting advice.

#anon #personal #real life i guess #thanks for the ask <3 #you would assume that everyone 'naturally' has the ability to know how they feel but it's not true #and i didn't figure it out until i was in my LATE TWENTIES #maybe school and having to do things on someone else's schedule messed it up or maybe it's because i wasnt out of the closet until college #so i was in the habit of ignoring my body...dont ignore your body #wishing you the best of luck anon

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getting-messi · 1 year

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BREAKING NEWS🚨🚨🚨🚨

I AM ALIVE!!!🥳🤩💃🏾💃🏾

#omg im so sorry for being offline for so long #i miss this website so much :((((((((#life was beating THE HELL OUT OF ME😮‍💨#okay so first i'll talk about some of my thoughts with football and what i missed and then updates about what's been going on with me #**i really wanted to come back online and let y'all know what's up but my sis's getting married this Sunday so i ill FULLY be back Monday #i just wanted to catch up on my notification but I'll go thru my inbox on Monday/Tuesday #okay FOOTBALL:#screw psg like sincerly #i cant believe theyre causing all this mess with him after he took his family on vacation😭#like the pics are SO CUTE??? how could you possibly punish him for that #also it speaks SO MUCH to his character that he FULLY recorded an apology vid like i thought he just released a typed statement #he really showing them so much more respect than they are treating him #im still salty about the lack of wc celebration....and fans booing him outside his house?? losers LOSERSSSS #i also think they're trying to act snobby about not extending him but with neymar most likely leaving they literally have too much to lose #also neymar expecting a child???? how did not know the girl he got pregnant?? so crazy SO crazy #anyways im also not optimistic about barca and messi....as much as they may talk the big variable here is La Liga allowing it to happen #they were the reason behind messi leaving and they're the only thing stopping him from coming back #as much as i dont BELIEVE messi would go to Saudi Arabia right now....i still really hate the rumours about Al-Hilal...like shut up please #if all else fails.....Pep por favor please just bring Messi to city...its not too late #he can be on the bench i don't even mind....i just HATE him at psg but i don't want him to leave Europe #In other news....Arsenal.....my heart hurts too much and I've expected that they wont be winning the league :'(((((#NOW about ME :))))#bad news first - DESPISE my job LIKE to the point where I'm crying almost daily about it but i cant quit. i jus want one summer to relax #good news: OFFICIALLY DONE MY UNDERGRADUATE DEGREEEEEEEE💃🏾😭🤧✨#THANK GOOODDDDDDDD ALHAMDULILAHHHHHHHHHH #SO DAMN HAPPY SO SO SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!#i also took my graduation pictures yesterday (thank you to the anons that told me i should get them done)#and i took the NEW ARGENTINA JERSEY WITH THE 3 STARS AND MESSI ON THE BACK AND POSED WITH IT😭😭🤣#im OBSESSED with the pic omg if i wasn't so paranoid about showing my face on this website i would've shared it #but yeah and my graduation is JUNE 9th!!! I AM SO EXCITED! Got a really pretty dress and it literally couldn't come soon enough :)

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fyodorkitkat · 8 months

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I am like having anticipatory withdrawals to writing Sigma centric content. I wish I had the energy and focus to actually consistently work on multiple things at once because I want to stick to my plan for the next two things I am writing after I finish with my DoA trio fic but the pull to do something new with Sigma is so strong. Maybe not polyship but something 😭

#idk maybe if my energy gets better after i fix this vitamin deficiency and my life gets more on track with other things i will have the #ability. i want to make myself a schedule but i just dont know how well that will work for me with how messed up my life has been lately #rahhhhhhh #i need unlimited time unlimited energy and security in my life is that really too tall an order?

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bayleaf-2 · 9 months

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Artist's rendition of walking up to a friend's house, happy I'm putting my energy toward Ferrous instead of Lyra only to have a song that I IGNORED because I thought it would be too romantic come up in the shuffle queue and HAHA!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!! OH NO BESTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIKE THE. THE SUN LINE, ON THE 2ND LISTEN THROUGH, IS THE EXACT MOMENT I JUST HAD TO CUSS OUT LOUD. BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE FULL FUCKING STANZA THAT MAKES ME HOLD MY HEAD, LIKE DO YOU SEE THIS??!?? DO YOU SEE THIS?????

I'M GONNA GO FUCKING INSANE Y'ALL AAAAAAAAUGH

ENOUGH LINES OF THIS SONG FIT. THAT I COULD ANIMATE IT. AND THAT IS SAYING FUCKING SOMETHING. AUUUUGH

#song is She Wants Me (To Be Loved) by The Happy Fits btw #I!!!!!!!#THE. IM. I WILL REITERATE THAT I AM NOT MAKING AN IYRA TAG #THE. THE PLAYLIST THUMBNAIL. IS ALLLL HAPPY FITS #LIKE AND THEY'RE ALLLL AT DIFFERENT POINTS IN THE FUCKING STORY DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME.#SO ALRIGHT COOL WHATEVER IS I THINK THE BEGINNING OF LYRA'S FEELINGS BECOMING. CRUSH-Y #FOR LACK OF A BETTER FUCKING TERM #TOO LATE IS THEY LOVE IOUN BUT THEY DIDN'T START TRYING SOON ENOUGH SO THINGS HAVE KIND OF GONE TO SHIT #SHE WANTS ME TO BE LOVED IS. WELL I THINK THE TIMING IS OBVIOUS FROM THE LYRICS #AND COLD TURKEY IS EPILOGUE #now see cold turkey is a stretch which is why i made a separate playlist so i can indulge in this shit #'I'm so alone/All of your words like sticks and stones/I must confess/life without you is such a mess'#SJDFKSLSKDFSL. SOMETIMES ITS ABOUT VIBES OKAY #ANYWAYS IVE WRITTEN THIS POST THROUGH 3 INSTANCES OF MY POWER AND INTERNET BLINKING #FUCKING TAKE THIS INFODUMP IM GONNA GO. DO SOMETHING I DONT FUCKING KNOW MAN!!!!!!!#lyra #cee draws #sona #i got a haircut :)

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anadorablekiwi · 2 years

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#kiwi vents in the tags #I feel like I’m in a downward spiral of doing nothing #like #I’m not doing things I need to and that’s will improve my life long term #because short term I don’t feel I have the mental/emotional health to handle it #so instead I hyper focus on games and try to ignore the ever growing anxiety #and it’s horrible #I need to just do the things #but they aren’t easy #the biggest thing is medical related #and it’s a bunch of phone calls and trying to make appointments and talking to people and finding a psychiatrist and I Can’t do it #I started the process felt better and then it all went to shit and nothing went how it should have #so I’ve made net zero progress #that was like a month ago #I feel bad for always coming to tumblr to vent #no one needs to see me being such a mess #it’s late I need sleep #(yet another thing I’m failing to do I need to get to bed WAY earlier)#but I’m not okay I feel awful and i dont know what I’m feeling exactly and have no idea what to do about it #I’m so lost #I only remember the stressful anxiety causing things at night when I literally can’t do them #and on the rare occasion I do remember when I can I just don’t because executive dysfunction

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samadhifire · 2 years

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Still thinking about that ask from yesterday... such a difficult one to answer, and I still don’t know if I’m completely satisfied with it? Either way, :handshake: w/ Red Son & living in a family environment that expects so much of you but no matter what you do, you get next to nothing in return. Just trauma.

#╰ 🔥 ✧ ˖ cries but in blocks ┊ .ooc #child abuse tw #vent //#//KIND OF?#//as someone who has had similar dynamics in their family & is working through a lot of those in her adult life... its a mess.#//you never really know how you feel. you want to despise them for it but theres still part of you that loves them.#//idk man I'm sad. T-T dont worry abt me i'm good just commenting #//but it's just making me think about those kinds of experiences & how they are nearly never easy. that and they're different for each perso #//im still not set on how I feel about stuff w/ MY parents. and honestly he could deal w/ it far differently from how i do #//anyway enough projecting but he definitely spent a good chunk of his childhood thinking he was the issue before anything else #//it wasnt until he met m k and m ei that maybe he started thinking about it? idk #//i answered that a sk very late at night but i still feel it could use a rewrite because god. GOD...#//might d/elete later

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travestismo · 4 months

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bit of a personal rant in the tags but i have like 4 followers since i remade so it's whatever um

#cuir tag #i have been in crisis ever since last semester ended about whether i should pursue medical transition or not #it's so weird having to think about myself and ask about how I want to look and be percieved and my body and everything #it's so difficult to differentiate between my feelings of ''true self'' and my feelings of learned social behaviours. or like i guess #there's no divisive line obviously but it's frustatinggggggg #i've kind of decided that once i return home I'm either gonna ask for a doctor appointment to me remitted to a gender psych #orrr I'm just gonna walk into my nearest gender clinic (or rather.... the only trans/lgbt specialized clinic in my city as far as I know)#and whish for the best #I figure that the inevitable long process of ''diagnosis'' before actually being prescribed hormones is enough to do my own introspection #but I desperately need to talk to a gender or trans specific theraphist I need someone to bonk me in the head #i dont know how I want my body to change i dont know if Im happy or unhappy with my body rn #i dont know if my feelings about my body are gender stuff or just self esteem stuff #i dont know i dont know i dont know i hate being so hyper conscious about everything I think the amount of youtube video essays #that Ive been watching lately is messing with my head lmfao #i need uni to start again so I can Live Real Life and start from there #text

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slutcore-starships · 7 months

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#vent but im adding random shit to keep it out of the tag #theres been a few of these lately #but the disability is disabling soooooo #i hate not being good at things #because for whatever fun combination of reasons #it takes so so so much energy to learn new things #and its basically impossible if i dont know what i was doing wrong #which i usually dont because . if i did . i wouldnt have done it in the first place #so developing basically any skill on my own is excrutiating #and i dont really have . people in my life to teach me #and the internet has become so useless that i cant get good resources there #so . im trapped . i dont know what to do differently #because if i did . i wouldnt be in this mess to begin with #so im just . stuck #frozen . thats #its like sinking

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be-good-to-bugs · 9 months

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well. back to the horrors

#the bin #ugh i hate hqving to work so much everyday #well. i had around 700 left over from last month which shoukd help with the cost of uberinv yomwork everyday now #might try the bus bc apparently they changed it and it runs earlier now but idk. im gonna talk 2.my boss and ask if i get there early or #late if thats ok. to a reasonable degree obv. i think he will say yes considering its cause my sister was in a car accident but idk 4 sure #once again didnt switch my sleeping over bc im a sleepy bug #FINALLY got the electric bill yesterday. havent got the water yet but itll prob b here soon #so i know now around how much theyll be. electric is usually more expensive than water too so #next month electric will prob be more bc of heat lamps always on for tha girlies but it should still not be terrible #i prepared myself for electric and water to be 300 total. i knew itd be less but i wanted to make sure i was prepared for it being a lot #now that i know how much ill need for that stuff each month i can tell how much i have to spend on fun stuff #probably gonna try getting a bunch of beads as my next thing bc i miss making kandi #getting so tired of my 1 coworker. she usually doesnt do my job anymore but when she does she makes a total mess and makes my life #so much harder. she also takes so long and spends sp much time just on her phone or talking to people and not working #which like. would be whatever except it makes the lives of 5 other people harder. me and the 4 other people in this department need things #to keep moving. not someone taking up a whole cart for 20 minutes and making a mess of the shelves #that makes it harder for me to put stuff away in a way that isnt precarious and it makes the morning suck bc everyone has to fix her mess #and its not that she doesnt know how. she does. shes worked her for 5 years. ive SEEN her do it properly. shes just lazy #i know its not 'cool' or whatever to take ur job seriously but i do. and i dont care if other people dont unless it makes my life harder

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junkie-virus · 1 year

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rlly feeling izzys “EKE by” speech rn

#ro rambles #i too am a small angry bastard.#but mostly its bc my teacher is trynna ?? not follow my 504 plan cuz im late too much.#which i mean yeah i agree that my lateness is a bit of an issue (though i still get my fuckin work done) but its almost like.#thats another part of why i having the fucking plan in the first place #almost like hmm.. maybe theres something that gives me issues w time management(/blindness/) & also is linked to issues w sleep 🙃#been stressed out of my mind w school + nearby shark week hormones... worst concoction on fucking earth #& even those that share my stress are calling me lazy or treating me like i dont care or try #alternative being. idk just try harder ig.#my friends r supportive but sometimes it just hurts to be told to ‘do your fucking work!!’ & ‘/ro/‘ like omg never considered #usually im fine w it but recently ive also been kinda overwhelmed so. anger.#izzy was so real like fighting for ur fucking life while ppl around u r totally nonchalant abt the mess that’s happening but u /have/ to #solve it bc its stressing u out & they say they got it but it doesnt seem like it !!! & tgen u try & they get mad at u #but also the people are just not trying to solve it at all & they r just blaming u.#ur supposed to solve it.#the answer of what im solving is my fuckin mental health or ability to graduate idk #like ive been struggling to upkeep my grades & pass & do work & be Good Enpugh for fucking YEARS but noooo ive been doing so GOOD i just #CHOSE to stop doing good & Being Normal.#ugh sorry nd frustration.#every year school starts again i KNOW ill be burntout like a month or even less in & every year i attempt to prepare myself #& every year i am never prepared and get my fucking shit rocked #but hey ive made it this far. in the home stretch.

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neil-gaiman · 2 months

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Hi Neil howdy

How do people commit to the career they thought of at the age of 9 im sitting here having a crisis a decade later 🙂🙂

Honestly sorry for the rant but i crave to build something big but i put zero efforts in any of my intrests even calling them a hobby would be embarassing because i dont pay attention to any of them i just know i like them because i like the idea of them i just scroll of social media half the time and im tired all the time 🙂🙂

I dont give time to anyone in my life i dont take care of myself or my family or my frienships or my career or my boyfriend and im a mess all the time i dont know how to gwt out of my depression and start acting like a normal huma being its infuriating 🙃

Sorry but idk how to handle myself rn 🥲

I know how you feel. I guess you do it one step at a time. Do the stuff that doesn't help less. Do the stuff that does help more. Make a checklist, with the basic stuff on it that keeps you going: sleep enough, eat regularly, shower, walk, and get that in.

Talk to someone with professional qualifications about how you feel and what's going on. If you don't feel happy about them, look for someone who fits your needs better.

If your hobbies and interests are not bringing you joy let them go and then find new ones. That may involve going places and trying things.

Do the stuff that helps.

Do less of the stuff that brings you down.

And take care of yourself.

(It's never too late to decide that 9 year old you didn't know what would make 19 year old you or 39 year old you happy, and change course.)

Good luck.

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blue-jisungs · 3 months

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fighting with them ♡

author's note. my very poor attempt on angst written in june 2023 LMAOOOOO enjoy!! (do not ask me why am i posting it now, i dont know either.)

making up after a fight - here !

┆彡 CHAN [ 찬 ]

chan couldn’t put a finger on it but there was something going on with you lately. from all of the people in the world he knew the best how life can get overwhelming sometimes. you were there for him during his hardships of being an idol… and a human being, in general.

and clearly, you were going through something too. but you didn’t say a word and even seemed to avoid him.

you arrived home late at night on one friday, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. chris is probably… working. so you you can easily sneak into your bedroom without him noticing you, right?

“y/n”

you turned around and saw him in the hallway, hair messed up and glass of water in his hand. his face lit up upon seeing you, however you could sense the weird tone of his voice.

“hi chris. i’ll go to sleep” you mumbled, taking off your shoes

“wait, can we talk? i know it’s late but i feel like nowadays we’re roommates, not a couple” he said. here it is. you let out another sigh

“i had a lot on my head today, can we not?” you grunted, leaving your bag on the floor.

“that’s the thing, y/n. there’s something going on and you just won’t tell me. and when we’re gonna talk when not now? you avoid me, let’s face it” chris continued, voicing out his worries. you knew.

“i’m sorry, okay? it’s just… i don’t want to talk right now and…” you pinched the bridge of your nose, earning a scoff from chan.

“you never want to talk, apparently. relationships are build on trust and communication. and i get the feeling you don’t trust me at all” his voice got a little louder but not to the range of shouting.

“listen, i–“ you started, genuine exhaustion feeling your body. you were afraid to snap and that’s the last thing you wanted to do. especially right now, especially at chris. but if it continues–

“i’m tired of your excuses, y/n! let me help you, talk to me, anything–“ chris pleaded and before you realised, it happened.

“can you shut the fuck up? i told you i’m tired! we’ll talk once you stop interrupting me for god’s sake!”

the realisation sank in as you watched chan’s features change with pain. his jaw tensed, eyes becoming cold.

“sure… i’m sorry. good night” he huffed, his steps leading him back to his studio.

your eyes watered, heart shattering into millions of pieces. you fucked up.

changing into your pyjamas you fell asleep on the couch, feeling like a burden in your own bed. your and chris’. and above all, you felt strange and empty, trying (and failing miserably) to fall asleep without him by your side.

┆彡 MINHO [ 민호 ]

you approached lino quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. he jolted a bit by your sudden appearance, the wooden spoon falling out of his hand.

“oh, sorry baby. how are you today?” you hummed when minho with a grumpy face grabbed the spoon.

“you’re so fucking clingy sometimes…” he grunted, causing your eyes to widen “get off me”

the coldness of his voice made you a bit scared, backing away. minho continued with his cooking task.

“like a literal baby, i swear. let me breathe for once, is this too much to ask for?” he snapped, not even looking at you.

you understood, of course you did. when you started dating minho he wasn’t too big on skinship but… he never spoke like that to you in general or about this.

“okay. i’m sorry” you mumbled, trying not to show how hurt you got by his words “i’ll be in the bedroom”

he didn’t even say anything. you held your tears and walked away, only letting them go once you were buried in your duvet.

┆彡 CHANGBIN [ 창빈 ]

you let out a deep sigh, massaging your temples. changbin was looking at you with straight face, the tense silence between you two constantly interrupted by your group chat exploding with notifications.

“y/n, for the millionth time. they don’t deserve you, they literally treat you like shit” he grunted, glancing at your phone and reading the last message “'y/nnie we’re sorry, the date just slipped my mind', are you kidding me? what kind of an excuse is that?”

the thing was that your friends stood you up, again. lately they do that all the time but you know that they’re busy, just like you.

“a normal one! do i have to remind you the times you forgot about our dates? or i did? we’re humans, we forget things. and they’re my friends, they wouldn’t stand me up! we already rescheduled for tomorrow” you hissed “stop talking shit about my friends!”

“i’m not!” changbin whined “it just pisses me off because they meet up without you! don’t tell me you don’t know that!”

“i don’t because they don’t do that! stop accusing them!” you yelled, surprised by yourself. changbin sighed, his tongue poking the side of his cheek

“fine. just don’t run crying to me when you get stood up again, probably tomorrow” he huffed, crossing his arms

“i won’t!” you grunted, grabbing your phone and walking away to your bedroom.

┆彡 HYUNJIN [ 현진 ]

your boyfriend came home, a loud slam of his bag hitting the floor lighting a red lamp in your head. there was no usual, cheerful “hi baby!” or “i’m home!” coming from him.

hyunjin stepped into the kitchen, ignoring you, and poured himself some water.

“hi hyune” you hummed, approaching him. he mumbled something incoherent back, eyes everywhere but on you. you sighed quietly, shaking your head “how was your day?”

“awful, i’m exhausted” he grunted, poking his cheek with his tongue

“i’m sorry to hear that… here’s some food, i grabbed it from work. let me just finish heating it up” you hummed, smiling softly “and later if you want we can watch a movie?”

“just… i need some time alone. i’m tired, y/n. i know you wouldn’t get it because i’m an idol, i dance and work for the whole day but i just need to rest, okay?” hyunjin grunted, making you halt.

“what do you mean i wouldn’t get it?” you frowned, turning your gaze at him

“you’re… well, you’re not an idol. can i just-?” he spat out, running out of patience.

“oh, so i can’t feel exhausted? i know that working as a cleaning lady is not as mighty as being an idol, but it’s tiring as well” you said slowly, trying not to lose your temper.

“yeah, sure” he scoffed.

your eyes widened, genuine hurt breaking your heart.

“i’ll eat it later, don’t mind heating it up” he grunted and before he waddled away to the bedroom, he heard your murmurs.

“it’s for me… and you don’t mind talking to a filthy cleaning lady later…”

┆彡 JISUNG [ 지성 ]

han was watching you for the past fifteen minutes, tongue poking the side of his cheek. you seemed to have fun while chatting with the other guy. way too much fun.

he just let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink. he hated it. he hated that he had to go to this party, that someone spilled a drink over him, that the food sucked and that you… you were ignoring him.

you let out a laugh and shook your head. the guy who you were talking to, beomgyu, patted your head with a grin.

suddenly you felt a hand on your arm, squeezing it. you turned around and saw jisung and his… tensed jaw.

“oh ji! i was wondering where you were! this is beomgyu, jeongin’s friend…” you smiled and beomgyu greeted your boyfriend with a happy smile

“we need to talk” han just grunted and walked away. you shrugged and beomgyu sent you a questioning look.

following jisung outside, where the weather wasn’t too pleasant, you rubbed your arms and enjoyed the silence.

“what’s up?” you asked, tilting your head.

“are you seriously asking me 'what’s up?'… y/n… you’ve been having the time of your life with that guy” he hissed, crossing his arms.

“beomgyu? what do you mean? we were just talking, that’s all” you scoffed, not fully understanding what he meant.

“please, y/n. you two were flirting! it’s unbelievable” he snarled, his voice raising dangerously.

“jisung, you know i only love you. i was just talking with him because he–“ you started

“cut the bullshit. it’s good to know you had fun at the party but i’m going home. have fun flirting with him” he bursted out, walking away

“jisung, what the fuck?!” you called but he didn’t stop “what do you want me to say? i… i seriously! you can ask him! i wasn’t saying anything–“

entering the room again filled his ears with music, jisung didn’t catch the way your voice broke down. legs leading him towards the exit, he noticed beomgyu watching him shocked.

┆彡 FELIX [ 필릭스 ]

you drummed your fingers on the table nervously, giving the waiter an apologetic look. he walked up to you, sighing.

“i’m sorry ma’am but if you’re not planning on ordering something i’ll have to ask you to leave…” he said. you nodded, grabbing your purse

“i understand” you said and paid for the two glasses of water you ordered earlier.

“i’m sorry” the waiter mumbled, causing blood to flow to your cheeks. you shook your head and left, dialling your boyfriend’s number for the seventh time this night.

“–yeah, i know, right?! what’s up, y/n?” felix answered, the voices in the background becoming quieter.

“where are you?” you asked bluntly, crossing your arms

“i’m at changbin’s, why?” he asked confused

“why? well maybe because i was waiting for you like an idiot for the past two hours? why didn’t you pick up your phone earlier?” you spat out, voice starting to shake

“what are you talking about?” felix grunted

“our date, felix! like the third one you missed because allegedly you were busy? are you doing this on purpose or what?” you huffed, sitting down on a nearby bench.

“i was busy, y/n! i admit, today i forgot but we made plans with guys earlier and i just…” he trailed off.

“you just forgot. again. i don’t have any more patience or strength for that, felix. don’t you see that? you’re prioritising work over me” your voice broke, nails digging into your knees “if it keeps happening–“

“y/n… don’t say that! you know i’m busy, i’m an idol! what did you expect?” felix scoffed.

“i expected my boyfriend to be present in my life, you know? i understand that you’re an idol, i respect that and i support it… i just wish you were there for me, felix. do you even know i got fired yesterday?” you asked and were met with silence “exactly. now… have fun at changbin’s, say hi to the boys. i’m not coming back tonight”

with that you hung up, chest thumping in your chest. well, you’re going to have a sleepover at your best friend’s… again.

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

you hummed happily, just getting off the phone with your mom. entering the kitchen you noticed seungmin with his glasses atop of his nose, reading something.

“hey, seungmo! do you have any plans on weekend?” you asked. he shook his head as a no “great! my parents are visiting, then”

he groaned, making you frown.

“what?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“again?” he finally looked up at you, fixing his glasses.

“what do you mean again? they visited us like, month ago!” you shook your head

“it’s just… tiring” he mumbled, playing with the hem of the paper he was reading

“tiring? they’re my parents, seungmin. and it’s hard for them too. they’re still getting used to living in korea, i know how that felt and besides, you should get used to it” you huffed

“okay, so? can’t you just go on your own? i wanted to practice, i could use some time alone” seungmin grunted. you bit your lip, looking down. did he just… did not like your parents? you couldn’t lie, it hurt you.

“fine. have fun then because i guess i’ll leave earlier, since you could use some time alone” you murmured

“are you angry at me?” he asked, some kind of mockery in his voice

“yeah, i am! do you not like them? why didn’t you tell me earlier?” the question made him scoff

“i just don’t feel like going, geez! just go, you’re being annoying today…” he grunted, reassuming his previous task.

you mumbled a soft oh and left your place right away, not bothering to pack. your parents have some clothes of yours at their place either way.

┆彡 JEONGIN [ 정인 ]

you watched jeongin text someone with a huge grin on his face, fingers quickly tapping against the screen of his phone. letting out a deep sigh, you reassumed watching the show.

“wait, why’d you start?” he asked suddenly, putting his phone away

“i asked you like, five times if i can start already” you grunted, not looking at him

“sorry, i was…” he hummed, hesitant “…texting someone”

“who was it?” you asked, not really caring about the weight of the question…

“no one important” he huffed. now, his answer made you confused. anxiety slowly creeping into your heart, you looked at him

“why’d you answer like that? i’m sure that person wouldn’t be too happy to hear that” you joked lightly. jeongin just shrugged, letting out an annoyed sigh. there was a sound of door opening somewhere in the dorm.

“can we just watch?” he asked coldly.

you fell quiet, mind racing with thoughts. if you think about it, you caught him texting and smiling like a teenage girl a couple of times this week. and he always quickly turned off his phone once you were near him. what was it?

“oh, hi you two!” you heard changbin’s voice. you turned around to wave at him and he waved back, then turning your eyes again at the screen “oi, jeongin-ah, did eunjeong text you back?”

your eyes widened upon hearing the name. eunjeong. jeongin’s ex.

you looked at him, his face immediately dropping. you sent a death glare to changbin that only now realised what he said. but that meant… he knew.

“you’re texting her? your ex?” you asked, crossing your arms. jeongin sighed, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

“and what if i am, geez! it’s not that serious, y/n” he grunted, looking at you.

“for me it is, jeongin. you know i have trust issues… and i don’t trust her, especially! besides, you told me you blocked her…?” you asked, heart racing abnormally fast.

“i lied, okay? because you’re so sensitive about everything, just like now! yes, i’m texting eunjeong and honestly, i don’t regret it! she’s fun, okay? we broke up on a good terms” he grunted. you stood up, walking away “where are you going?!”

“i need to think” you hissed, passing changbin by

“that’s exactly what i was talking about… god, such a crybaby over nothing” jeongin murmured, grabbing his phone.

before he could open up a chat with eunjeong, he heard a loud door slam.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e ,, @fire-08 ,, @eternalgyu ,, @haecien

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evandore · 1 year

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#i think i may be a bit of a recluse #ive started shutting off my phone for days at a time so i dont see any notifications ppl send me cause i just #idk #brain is all messed up and im not doing what im supposed to and just not wanting to interact in general #cause if i disappear for a few days then my dad asks me for proof of life text messages #but most times i dont even realize its been days. like its whatever but this has been a problem for years #and i kind of dont want it to continue? i feel like a shitty friend not talking or interacting or hanging out #but i just. Cant leave my house. its so exhausting man which is why i tried to go on walks #late at night so i dont have see people #man ok.#i think this is an actual problem and probably rlly common how do i stop it. idk if i even want to try it just seems exhausting #very much wish i could do stuff and focus on it for more than 10 minutes at a time. its not even like i Have anything rlse to do i just cant #focus at all #very bad #im gonna eat an apple and have a shower and fuck if i know

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churipu · 4 months

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hii i noticed your reqs are open, if you dont mind can you do a pt 2 to jjk men vs their gf's plushie collection? with geto, choso and nanami :) thank youu

JJK MEN VS THEIR GF'S PLUSHIE COLLECTION

featuring. geto suguru, choso kamo, nanami kento x fem! reader

warnings. none

note. ooooo anon, the first part of this got a lot of love and i was actually contemplating on making a second part for it, so thank you for requesting <33 tbh if anyone messes with my plushie as a plushie collector, i will throw hands.

GETO SUGURU. for the first few months after he finds out about your plushie collection — the male actually doesn't mind it at all, in fact, he contributed in adding soldiers to the collection. but as time goes by, he began regretting it (just a teeny tiny bit) because he realizes that these plushies are close to stealing his spot as a partner.

"angel." he calls out to you in annoyance, his hand reaching out to grab circle around your ankle.

his mouth was full of distaste, he wanted to throw away those plushies from your embrace — he grabbed your ankle, pulling your body towards him with an angry grunt, "com'ere." he mutters out.

"sugu, what's wrong with you?" you ask him, blinking in confusion to what has gotten him in such a sour mood.

"that." he points at the plushie in your arms, "i don't like him." he snatches the plushie away, glaring at it.

"are you jealous of it?" you sang out happily, throwing your arms around his neck.

"i'm going to say it once, yes, 'm jealous of it. i'm not buying you anymore because why are they getting more attention than i am? are they the boyfriend?" he sputters out, looking away, avoiding your gaze.

you laugh lightly, grabbing his jaw to make him face you and kissed him shortly, "you could've just said so, you big baby."

CHOSO. is so confused, what did you find so entrancing about characters filled with cotton when you had a real life plushie by your side? (talking about him, by the way).

he didn't understand the feelings that were burning in him, but he didn't like it. not one bit. it was the kind of feeling where he'd want to use his technique on your plump plushies — but choso knew that you wouldn't like that so he has never done it.

when you're both home, the male trails around behind you like a lost puppy. very much confused to why the plushie was in your arms instead of him, but couldn't bring the heart to say it to you so he ends up just placing himself beside you on the couch, on the bed, wherever.

"cho, why are you looking at me? do you need anything?" choso was surprised at your sudden question, yes he was looking at you, precisely at the plushie squished in between your arms.

he shook his head and faced forwards, before you know it, his head turns to you again for a long time. eyes narrowed and lips puckered out, "i don't like this feeling," he mutters out.

you turn to him, "what feeling?"

"like i want to punch that in the face," he points at the dragon plushie in between your arms, and you burst out laughing.

"are you actually jealous of my plushie?" you put the plushie aside and opened your arms as an invitation for him, "why didn't you say so, hm?"

he didn't answer you and just dropped his weight into your embrace, burying his head into your shoulder, "because you like them."

you kissed the crown of his head, "but i love you."

NANAMI KENTO. he actually doesn't mind you having a collection at all — the thing he minds it when you pamper them instead of pampering him. nanami doesn't get in bad moods easily, but when it comes to you giving attention to your plushies first instead of him, he gets pretty upset.

working late was a total bum to you (to anyone else really), and coming home — nanami was ready to give you love, but when you greet him with a simple "hello" before running to the room to grab your favorite plushie out of the collection, he didn't know why; but he felt like he was actually losing to a whole non-living object.

and it actually made him upset.

"ken, why are you being awfully silent?" you jumped onto the couch where he was sitting at, the same plushie still in your arms.

the male stares at you for a bit before looking back towards the television — and you by now were worried, had you done anything wrong? or did something happen in his work place?

nanami wouldn't even admit it, because he knew if he admitted that he was jealous; he'd never hear the end of it. even if it was from you.

you tugged on his shirt, "did i do anything wrong?" oh, god, of course you didn't — but just the fact that you're asking him that made him feel guilty, so the male sighed, pulling your body close before shaking his head.

he grabs the plushie and throws it aside before pulling you into a hug, not breaking a word. he just hugs you in silence, not that you were complaining, "ken, did something happen?"

"i'm a little upset."

"can you tell me why?"

"you come home and go to your plushie? when i was the one waiting for you? i didn't even get a hug or a kiss," he mumbles out into your hair, and you lightly laugh, rubbing your hand on his back.

"so you're jealous?"

"no. i'm upset."

yes, yes. he was upset.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen fluff #fluff #jjk fluff #suguru geto #suguru geto x reader #geto fluff #choso kamo #choso #choso x reader #choso fluff #nanami kento #nanami x reader #nanami fluff

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