#i dont know what to do and i never have

[caffeinatedopossum]

My anxiety and depression feel like the ocean. Even when I'm not drowning in it, I'm having to fight to swim and it's exhausting. Even when I'm not swimming in it, it's still there, waves greedily lapping at my feet. It's always there.

I don't talk about it because there isn't much to say. Everyone already knows the ocean exists, yknow? Telling them it does just seems redundant.

Even when I'm sitting safely on the shore I can't stop thinking about it, staring at it, swaying where I stand because I've forgotten what it feels like to stand without the waves. Just waiting for the tide to rise again because I know it has to. Waiting for the ocean to disappear even though I know it never could.

#this wasn't meant to sound poetic or anything. jts just something i cant stop thinking about #anyway just some musing about chronic depression and anxiety #it never feels easier. it never feels better. its all just part of the cycle #all of my friends know. they all know what i go througj #and it isnt quite that they dont care. its more like its just routine to them #like 'oh opossum wants to kill himself? opossum cant take the fear and exhaustion anymore?' just another monday to them #all the while the people who have never been to the ocean before tell me to keep swimming. tell me it gets better #tell me to get out and dry off #because in their minds the worst its been was the deep end of a swimming pool #i cant hate them for not drowning with me. its not like i would do anything different in their place really #its just angering #because i have no way to make anyone understand #i dont want to be alone but i dont want people to drown with me #i dont know what to do and i never have #im always waiting for something to change #but no matter how many people come into my life with beach towels and buckets for hauling water #theyll never make the ocean shallow or dry me off

[putridcowboy]

the most important step in the hero’s journey is the gay sex

#mine #i was. higher than i thought i was last night #nooo post dont go out of my immediate circle u r so sexy #someone just tagged this as naruto wrote this. no he didnt i did #update now sherlock rp blogs are commenting on this. girl it is 2022 what are you doing #leave im going to attack you with wasps #fr if another person comments on this post itself again and it isnt funny im sending the bees after u #never in my life have i felt that one post that is like some of yall are so annoying god bless #more than i do now #this isnt about anything but if it was it would just be about gilgamesh #the more yall add to this post the more obvious it is that some of yall straight up dont know what the heroes journey is #yall need to stop assuming the hero is the protagonist of the stories yall read/watch/consume or whatever the fuck

[wtfforged]

IDK IF I EVER POSTED THIS OLD REDRAW. here:) my fav chapter illustration i think....

#not super proud of this esp with how. erm. unpolished it is. but idrc bc i remember having a lot of fun with it :) #redraws esp for op are always a ton of fun... the compositions and expressions and like. character interactions. are always great #so for someone like me who struggles with all of the above the redraws are fantastic #i love doing redraws when i dont know what to draw. which is like. always for me. i never have any ideas or imagination #wtf... art #drawpileart #one piece fanart #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #sanji #cat burglar nami #usopp

[skunkes]

#a doodley #saw franchise #saw 2004 #i never know what bg color to use for stickers...does anyone have any ideas... i feel red Or ''black'' wld blend in too much...? #even tho it wld make sense to be one of those... #i dont think i want it to just be white :/ #i rarely do solid color bgs on stuff bc im so bad with colors loll

[electoons]

I love the college of winterhold. everyone there is casually deranged and there's like an alarming number of students and staff who threaten you immediately when they meet you. it's always one of the first questlines I do. which makes it even funnier when you get made the arch-mage of the college. I'm level 12 and got through this questline knowing exactly 3 spells. what do you mean you want me to lead the college. this school CANNOT be an accredited institution

#i ask if anyone wants this job and everyone starts whistling and checking their phones #their magic phones. theyre scrolls #mia.txt #tes #skyrim #oh wait no i forgot j'zargo wants the position and actively wishes you were dead so he can be archmage #and nirya as well. you know what maybe its a good thing im the archmage because im never there #i drop in every few weeks for 10 minutes then leave. the place pretty much runs itself right #reddit says “they have a bullying problem” yeah i know i married him #and he's the new archmage's special little princess and he can do whatever he wants forever. call the police about it #dont bring your piddly ass problems to the archmage shes busy girlbossing (committing widescale atrocities) #(update to clarify the princess is enthir. short king scored a 6'5“ dommy mommy orc with the biggest strap in tamriel congratulate him NOW) #(huge W for the bisexual mer community #L for skyrim as a whole because they were both already insufferable enough on their own and now theyre making each other worse)

[ruporas]

invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)

[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."

Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”

Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.

At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.

"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.

Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”

Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."

In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]

Credits for ID here and here

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because #it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has #given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably #since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc #of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:) #in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun #but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots #he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at #the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is. #mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax #but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe #the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww #u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww #ruporas art

[rapidhighway]

behold, sonic and knuckle climbing a cliff. what will they do

#sonic the hedgehog #knuckles the echidna #sonic #animation #idk how to animate honestly i just wanted to do it and went to find some prompts and it said 'climbing' so that's what i made #im actually quite proud since i think you can kinda see what's going on here hehe #art #digital art #fanart #be nice to me i haven't tried this in years?? blinks cutely or somethin #im not goinna finish this btw i dont even know how xdd #at least i dont think i will #or will i #i'd have to learn a bunch of stuff #do i have time for that... #i dont but thats never stopped me before #knuckles&sonic

[dayurno]

robin cross and kevin day parallels actually go so crazy. they both spent their formative years in a basement underground with exy-obsessed captors. they both saw exy as freedom. they both were isolated even within the foxes’ group of outcasts. they were both under andrew’s protection. it cost kevin jean to leave the nest and it cost robin another girl’s life to escape her kidnapper. robin carried her racquet with her to self-soothe and kevin restrings the net of his when he’s anxious. they’re even bird coded

#to those unfamiliar the word robin is also a kind of little bird 🕊️ #i dont ship them but i dont blame the people who do if im honest #BUT ITS JUST CRAZY TO MEEE #its so fucked that canonically kevin never gets to meet her #but i will say that the echoes of his presence are still there #she joins the foxes the year after kevins graduation and there andrew is taking robin to night practice #there he is coaching her because he knows exy is the tool she needs to believe in herself #there he is doing what kevin day told him only years late 🫠 #sorry they make me insane #robin when she’s the weird kandreil amalgamation no one asked for #will expand on this if i have more thoughts later but please talk to me about robin. thank you #txt #aftg #kevin day #robin cross #kevin #robin #fav #kevin&robin

[heartorbit]

i wanna make a prsk major arcana...

#[knows i wont fucking do that so i post the 1 rough i have instead] all in a days work #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #mizuki akiyama #i posted alternate palettes for this on twitter and i like one of theme way better but im too lazy to get it rn. Lol #i would like to do skecthes for them all but im like .. #um. i dont know snything about tarot so people who DO will see my card assignments and go wtf are they feeding this guy #hermit is easy. pjsk gave that right to me. justice meiko too. #ive decided to pull a revstar and do the 25 card visconti with kagamines in one card. so now i have to reassign with hope charity and faith #boohoo. however the sun emu and the moon mafuyu are staying i know what im about. also kohane with death and an with the lovers #those make me feel like a genius. the rest ill stay shy about. if i say all my assignments ill never feel the urge to draw them #sorry for scheduling these to post at 8am #proseka tarot

[puppyeared]

beep beep im a sheep

speeddraw below the cut (audio warning)

song: "Cult of Dionysis" by The Orion Experience

#before anybody says anything i have never played cotl in my entire life and i dont plan to. but. crow showed me some narilamb art #and i. well.. HMMMMM kinda fruity if i do say so myself.. #also i wanted to play around with the lambs design and had fun basing their outfit a little on crusader armor. mostly the cloth in the fron #i dont think id last 10 minutes playing cotl. partly because i suck at strategy games and not hugely drawn to roguelike games #and partly because i think i would cry real tears if i had to sacrifice someone despite fully knowing theyre nonsentient npc characters #i must admit i think the world and gameplay mechanics are interesting.. havent watched any playthroughs but ive been skimming thru the #wiki pages. kindareminds me of binding of Isaac but i dont have the patience for those kinds of games sadly #also apparently u guys are getting a sex update so i feel like ill be in full blast of whatever comes out of that #i might draw god of death lamb because i kind of have an idea of what their horns would look like. but im gonna hate drawing an outfit ugh #noooo dont usurp god and reap destruction for generations to come youre so sexy haha #cotl #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #cotl lambert #cotl fanart #my art #myart #videos #speeddraw #progress art

[shirecorn]

Gay horse man looks like a princess

Gay horse man learns to respect trans butch lesbians and various other people who won't date him

#zephyr breeze #zephyr breeze redesign #rainbow dash #rainbow dash and zephyr breeze #mlp fanart #mlp redesign #skyscraper gods #shire draws mlp #listen he was clearly gay #shire draws #but kept hitting on rainbow dash and insisting she was in love with him #so therefore there must be some mistake #He seems the self absorbed type to decide he knows exactly who everyone is on sight if it suits his vanity #I dont see him as intentionally doing it to be phobbic #it just doesnt occur to him that people might be different from his headcanons #When it finally does get through his head he will respect it while pining about what could have been #he will never fully apologize but he will stop hitting on her at least #also rainbow likes men fine just not romantically #all of these headcanons are new as of this post and are just true because its funny

[luyo-mi]

my pookies

#you will have to pry these two from my cold dead fingers #I just wanna squish them so much I cant you guys #my babies frfr #anyways happy early halloween #have fun trick or treating dont get kidnapped #i kinda wanna draw jack and ruggie costumes but idk if ill have time eee ill have like what a day to do them #with my attention spam that is a big no #we ll see #ace trappola #deuce spade #twisted wonderland #i never know what to add to the pants like pants are simple but i dont wantt them to be simple but idk what to add #other than a belt #sad face

[fossilizedhysterics]

hiiiiii sanders sides fandom. is this anything original by @punkitt-is-here !!

#do NOT like my patton design one bit i have never been able to pin down what i want him to look like #i dont WANT to give him a mullet bc i give like everyone a mullet but idk it never looks right without the extra hair #recently ive been looking at jane crocker homestuck whenever i draw his hair idk if you can tell #i ALSO cant tell what hair COLOR i wanna give him #and i also cant ever figure out outfits for him. like hes the only one i really consistently draw in his canon outfit #bc i just never know what else to put him in #i feel like the way i drew him here looks a lil like brett hand. which i think is VERY funny. same guy basically #forever weed brownie #sanders sides #remus sanders #patton sanders #sasi #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #art #my art #fanart #intruality #not explicitly. but in my heart

[murdermitties]

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks, and I Saw your mom she forgot that I existed and It's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose

Stick Season - Noah Kahan

#mothwing #leafpool #mothpool #mothwing x leafpool #warrior cats #wc #apparently i have a thing for tragic lesbians #these two and daisy and squilf too #stick season by noah kahan lives rent fucking free in my head as a mothpool song #what if your wife died and you had to hear about it second hand #and you dont believe in god so you can never see her ghost as she sadly follows you wishing you'd look back at her #i know I KNOW thats not how starclan works in the books BUT I DO NOT CARE #tragedy is my bread and butter when it comes to these two #what if you haunted only the places where you and your wife went on dates and met up #but she's always somewhere else and you never guess the right location and you dont hear her talk to the air hoping youd hear her

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me'' #and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them. #like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL . #so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)

[fulcrvm]

I am thinking thoughts about airports and flying again. And Dreamling, of course.

So. Human AU. History professor Hob has to fly around a lot for work, perhaps for conferences or smth of the sort so it's always to a small handful of the same nearby cities. He's pretty neutral on the idea of flying in general, though he wishes it was a bit more environmentally friendly, but Hob is a sucker for a nice airport and especially a nice airport lounge during layovers or before boarding.

Hob has begun to frequent a small local airline (White Horse Air, the logo is a coat of arms with a little pegasus, wyvern, and hippogriff on it, haha) when traveling because he likes their service (they've never lost his bags, not even once!) and their flights are never fully booked, which makes them quieter and easier for hob's chronic pains. He always picks seats with no one next to him so he can sprawl out and so it's easier on his knees.

Until, one day, he boards the little plane and there's someone in the seat next to his. Hob's sure that when he booked his seat, the other one was empty. Oh well, whatever, Hob's not going to bother the other man already sitting there for one flight— he'll just have to be a little more mindful booking next time. Hob shuffles into the seat, and notices that the stranger sat beside him is reading Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur! Hob gets excited because! That's a William Caxton publication! And Hob has so much to say about Caxton! He turns to the stranger to strike up conversation about it and... is immediately lost at how pretty the stranger is. Handsome, gorgeous, yes of course, but pretty, with the shell pink lips and focused blue eyes and slight frown at the book in his hands. Hob picks up his metaphorical jaw off the metaphorical ground and strikes up conversation with the stranger. Though the other man starts off apprehensive, somehow the two hours of flying fly by and the two of them end up talking about all sorts of art, history, and everything in between. Hob learns that the stranger works in publishing, thus his interest in Caxton.

Their flight lands, and the two of them disembark at the gate, still attempting to continue their conversation while Hob tries to wrangle his carry-on bags. (The Stranger only has a small laptop bag on one shoulder and a suit jacket folded over his other arm with him.) Then Hob has to check the time and begrudgingly says that he should probably head towards his next gate soon— this is just a layover after all. The Stranger looks ever so slightly disappointed and admits that this is his actual destination and he needs to meet his sister soon. They part ways, and Hob tries to dwell on the strange warmth in his chest. He thinks about the Stranger for his entire work trip afterwards.

This, somehow, happens a couple times. Turns out they both frequent White Horse Air, and though they're never in booked seats next to each other again, the flights are always empty enough that they can shift to sit next to each other once the plane's in the air. They chat the flight away, and then part ways once they disembark, with the Stranger headed to the baggage claim and Hob to his next flight. One time, the Stranger even requests the hostess to bring out a special bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1828 just for the two of them to share. Hob's in awe. He really enjoys their conversations, it's nice to be able to talk about his interests in a non-academia environment. The Stranger always has the most intriguing and eye-opening perspectives on everything, too. It doesn't really help that Hob thinks... maybe he's developing a tiny, teeny, really inconsequential really crush on his Stranger. He's not in grade school anymore, how does he feel like this about someone he doesn't even know the name of yet!

This all comes to a head when Hob mentions to the Stranger that his layover is a bit longer than it usually is, and if the Stranger is in no rush, they can continue their conversation in one of the airport's lounges. White Horse Air is a bit too small an airline to have their own lounge, but Hob's collected enough miles to get into one of the other airline lounges and is fully willing to pay to get in one if it means more time with his Stranger.

The Stranger is extremely enthusiastic about the idea— which shows up physically as a subtle, coy upturning at the corner of his mouth and a little sparkle in his eye. (Hob feels proud that he can read this reaction so well.) He's so enthusiastic, in fact, that the Stranger offers to get them both into a first-class lounge. Hob doesn't even pretend to hesitate to say yes.

Let's just say they get to the lounge, split some cheese and wine, and the proceed to get even more enthusiastic with each other in a private room. Hob's lucky he brought a change of clothes in his carry-on. (Maybe Hob's not so lucky and can't sit comfortably during his next three-hour flight.)

Hob gets a bit emotional when he has to leave for his next flight (already missing being able to hold his Stranger's face so gently, being able to card his fingers through his soft, smokey hair) and gets his guts together to ask if the Stranger wants to exchange phone numbers or something, so they can be in contact more regularly. Perhaps even, meet on purpose maybe? The Stranger smiles and kisses him lightly on the cheek when he slips a business card into Hob's hand.

Hob's so caught up in it all that he doesn't check the business card until he's fully boarded and sat on his next flight. And he gawks.

Morpheus Aion The Dreaming Publishing House

As in, one of White Horse Air's biggest shareholders? Aion, as in, probably the sibling of Teleute Aion? As in, Teleute Aion, the CEO of White Horse Air?! Hob almost passes out.

In the end, Morpheus and Hob laugh it out. Morpheus promises he never abused his sibling privileges to invade Hob's privacy, but used the sibling perks to frequent White Horse Air flights a little more than he even needed to just for the chance to see Hob again. They're both happy to not need to keep flying just for that chance anymore, haha. Idiots in love! Turns out, while Teleute lives where Hob keeps having his layovers, Morpheus and Hob actually live just a few hours driving from each other from their shared initial departure location. It all works out perfectly, and Morpheus self-restraint from inviting Hob to move in (so they don't have to keep travelling to see each other, no matter how small) lasts not even a year after they officially start dating. Hob doesn't even pretend to hesitate to say yes :)

(Years down the line, much after they're married, Hob finally has enough miles to get them back into those first-class lounges to have more fun. It's all very lovely.)

#my thought process was “can i get them to fuck in an airport lounge room” and then i never even wrote that part #guess what i am also a sucker for a nice airport and an even nicer airport lounge. i am yearning for a nice flight rn #i genuinely love flying so much. not domestic travel but international travel is what my entire life revolves around and i am allowed to #romanticise it a little bit haha #anyway #(me describing morpheus' lips with a guitar color) ah yes literature #how the hell do i tag this #i dont usually post idea dumps like this but i have no where else to put it haha #i'd love to write it but i dont think i'd know how to approach this lol #if anyone wants to take this as a prompt go ahead!! #the sandman #dreamling #dc #rex speaks #rex writes #(?) #long post