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#i feel like it will bc for the first time ever it feels strictly internal
bouquetofgemstones · 1 year
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For the longest time my number one way of managing stress was chocolate. The buzz of the sugar would calm down the stress and make me feel like a human again. But that also meant that every time I got stressed I'd gain a lot of weight, and over time it has made me feel really heavy and tired. I want to stop doing that. So that means I need to find a new way of managing my stress. Rn I'm doing a little bit of yoga on weekdays, and it feels like it's helping, so I want to try to do more of it.
Another related goal I have is that I want to be in better shape. Nothing crazy, I just want to get to a point where I feel like I can easily carry my own weight. But if I eat less chocolate and do more yoga then I'm hoping I'll get there. Also I get really sweaty really easily when I walk anywhere and I've decided it's bc I'm in such a bad shape. It would be nice to arrive in places and not be drenched in sweat.
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nicegaai · 6 months
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having nor/ice thoughtssssssssssssss sad sad whiny kitty cat noises. wahhhh. im thinking about them wahhhhhhhh. WAHHH
what if i took all my small canonverse ideas and compiled them into ONESHOTSSSSS........................................ and what if they were CHRONOLOGICALLY ARRANGED ..... and showed RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSION over the course of 1000 years ...... and it wasnt that deep but i pretended it was and called it something like "i was meant to keep you warm" because i love to steal fox/i/ng lyrics. maybe even id find a way to make this a 5 times + 1 time format.
if i can wrestle my way into figuring out what goes on in nors head i could do it. ive figured that i want ice to never ever see him as a brother. my vision is that nor is iceladns hot babysitter fantasy and first crush that never goes away. he wants to marry him when he grows up but then his feelings stay that way and it never ever ever ever ever goes away and only gets worse. u understand? do u see it
and UNFORTUNATELY nor knows ic/eland likes him from the beginning. he can tell from like ice's adolescence onwards and is like yeah idk about all that...... but the attention is flattering and he loves this little guy so much and thinks its sweet. he doesnt get to visit often but ice writes him a lot because hes in love with him ykwim and nor loves him so much too (platonic) and always writes back.
and yeah they go through periods of living together for various reasons. sickness unions famines etc etc. not ever for long and nothing ever happens. if adolescent iceland pushed boundaries, nor would humor him a little with like...a kiss, bc he spoils him, but ultimately he hard-shuts it down. and ice would be traumatized forever and block the memory out / be eternally tormented at night by the time he did such and such so is the worst person alive etc
and ice begins teen life with the whole he will never love me and i am a tormented soul shtick. now he writes to him less, tries to put more distance between them... so it hurts less and all that. hes not GOOD at pretending he hates nor or whatever but its easy to lose connection when messages are rare and visits are rarer
he spends much more time at denmarks than with no.rway. he sees den.mark as a proper older brother / uncle / fatherly figure. hes closer emotionally to him and lives with him more and all that. his tutors are danish and he goes to boarding school in cop.enhagen in the 1800s. idk how this ties into the romance necessarily but its timeline relevant. whether or not denmark picks up on the crush , i dont know. i could go either way lol. also, den + nors relationship is strictly brotherly btw. ironically. because theres not enough fics where theyre platonic and i really do enjoy them that way too
nor and ice remain distant for several hundred years. its once ice gets into his pushing for independence mixed with modern technology for better communication ..... somewhere between say, the invention of the airplane and landline phones, nor and ice repair their relationship. iceland is coming into adulthood (independence) for real, and is SO mature about his international relationships. he can be so mature and normal about norway. he can sit down with him and have lunch and discuss business and norway wont talk down at him for being young at all (lie) and he'll be so chill about that and not yell at him (he only does it once) (he only has to do it once)
all this isnt to say n.orway himself didnt attempt to stay close over the years, but ic.eland wasnt reciprocating, and even if they saw each other every year at christmas (doubt) that doesnt make them really CLOSE. but i think iceland was always particularly special to him bc of how close they were as kids. and they WERE both kids back then. little icela.nd sent him letters while nor was like 14 at best. i believe in teen mom norway and his eldest sondaughter icey. at least from nors perspective. even tho hes so absent so much of the time. when he comes around he showers him in gifts as a love language even way back when
anyway, ice.land still has an obvious crush on nor and nor finds it SO cute. like he could just pinch his cheeks and coo at him for it. ice tries to keep a lid on his emotions but can only do so much. nor doesnt SAY anything to point sus behavior out. but as soon as he notices,,,, its like there was no time apart, to nor. ice is so closed off and stiff and weird around him and nor wishes he would relax so they can connect properly and he honestly CANT
the solution is to drink otgether i think. at some point. maybe not immediately but they'll get to it.
icela.nd isnt like oohg im too young to drink, i think hes just lived long enough that hes a bit Over It / doesnt want to act like an idiot / really doesnt want to act like an idiot in front of nor. but nor could peer pressure him into anything if he really tried so they finally get tipsy together and i think that goes a long way to repair their relationship.
they do this many times and as long as ice is careful to not drink a lot he'll be fine. hes gotta keep his wits about him and still be able to feel shame. one time he indulges a little hard and i think ice trauma dumps on him and they kiss to make up for the time nor pushed him away and nor didnt realize he was still hurting so much about that. nor is tipsy enough to do it (not even drunk) and afterwards he goes ohh wait i kind of enjoyed that. and do it a few more times then make out for a while and it doesnt go anywhere, they fall asleep
the next day they completely remember kissing and know the other remembers it and just mutually dont talk about it.
icelan.d is VISIBLY struggling even harder around him for at least a few days until he gets a handle on his emotions. and nor has a lot to think about. in general.
i dont know where the dna stuff comes in. im falling asleep while typeing this
but icelan.d obvioiusly is like wtf? we arent related. thats impossible. i cant even fathom this. and nor.way is like you are the closest i will ever have to family and i am your biological father and icel.and is like what the fuck ew you can say brother as much as you want but never say father again im begging you and nor is like Bet.
and then they test and they're first degree related. father or brother would be appropriate. and nor is like yeah obviously (already believed this when he kissed him) and ic.eland is like (max harlow voice) SUICIDE !! SUICIDE !!
icelan.d sits with that information for a while but his crush still doesnt go away. nor gives him space and also sits with the information. he never thought he'd end up here but he decides that hes into it. its kinda hot. I Do believe in slutty n.orway supremacy i thnk hes slept with most of europe and doesnt have a strong internal sense of familial boundaries considering he is a landmass and is like yeah id do that again we're both adults hes cute whatever
next time they see each other nor comes onto him. and ice is squeemish about it but this is also everything hes ever wanted. whats he gonna do, say no?
at this point i fell asleep but im awake again uhhhh
ic.eland gets to cope with being a creep a weirdo and getting what he wanted in the worst way possible and nor gets to torment him with the brother thing not as a kink but bcz it makes him uncomfortable and he thinks its funny.
i forgot to talk about the actual oneshot ideas that inspired this in the first place didnt i. oh well
aaaaaaaaaaaaand post
#p
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monstertsunami · 1 year
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1 through 4, 43, 44, and 46 for vanya!
hehehhee tyy for sending so many asks :DDD ill get to the rest tmrw but i have vanya brain tonight so :3
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here she is for reference! quick summary of her since thie is her first appearance on my blog: set in the stalker 1979 universe, shes the daughter of a miserable little stalker that RLLY wanted a son to continue his legacy and kinda lost it when his wife died giving birth to her. he took on an unadvisable increase of stalking jobs to cope and brought her, a CHILD, along with him all the time. the only real connection she had with him was when he would show her all the pretty irradiated sights, but even then he wasnt paying much attention to her. she didnt do much public schooling bc her mutation- rapid growth/aging -ostracized her from other kids, and her father didnt bother anyways. this combined with a very detatched father caused her to grow up with all kinds of stunted social issues. u know ur kids fucked up when her deepest personal connection is with the indifferent concept of hubris or whatever. anyways pops dies a bit into her late teenagehood/early adulthood (probably during a stalking trip. if she witnessed it, she'd be unphased. zone happens.) and she continues stalking bc what else is she gonna do ? its all she knows. shes in her early twenties for the part of her story i wanna cover, despite her mutation making her appear quite a bit older. my goal with her is to explore misogyny in the stalker universe & profession bc gaahh that movie is so cool i wanna expand on it !!
ok now putting the actual answers under the cut bc this post is already long
1. What’s the lie your character says most often?
"I'm x years old" (usually claims to be in her late 40s but she can never bother to keep a consistant lie. its not like she sees her clients again after the mission anyways. ) this one's pretty easy for her because of her mutation, no one that isnt trying to flatter her is gonna catch her on her age.
2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?
very strictly. the only person she calls her friend is her Very Close Female Friend (aka lover) and occasionally the bartender of the local stalker rendezvous on a good day.
3. How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?
shes very closed off, usually only bothering to HAVE emotions in private. no big emotions outbursts like the titular stalker from the movie stalker, just internal dwelling and some canon typical out-loud philosophizing. as the audience, it would be pretty easy to pick up on her tells after a while but shes not in any rush to externalize her feelings.
4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?
her childhood didnt have much room for hobbies, but she probably misses being the one guided through the zone instead of having to do the work herself. she loves the zone and its ever-changing mood but it still gets boring after having to listen to the 20th bald man bitch about his wife or whatever hes seeking out the room for.
43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?
literally everything. shes so disconnected from the average persons upbringing that she usually doesn't bother comparing hers when its brought up. She does, however, get defensive when someone says the zone makes them uneasy. practically spending her whole life in and out of the zone, she doesnt understand how anyone couldnt love her as she does.
44. What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?
she speaks russian already so the easiest languages for her to learn would probably be those thst also utilize the cyrillic alphabet? forgive me im chronically american & not a native russian speaker so I'll have to ask some of my slavic mutuals for more insight on this one when they wake up.
46. Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?
shes very much a listener, her entire job is to help depressed people seek hope. annoying takes make her talk, if she gets fed up enough with a client's pessimistic rambles she'll shoot back with her own philosophy of "shut up and let me work." pretty women also make her talk :]
tyytyyy for the asks hehehehe !!<33
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cometcalloway · 1 year
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💄🎈 (( any of ur muses, one for a different one)
[ 💄 ] does your muse have an aesthetic? do they adhere strictly to it?
Comet has this sort of showman energy he can turn on when he's trying to persuade people or do public speaking or embody a role or something like that. And when he's in a role like that, he likes to dress up expressively, kind of like a more subtle Ms. Frizzle. I still need to draw him as like the mayor of mars, but he definitely brings his own sense of style to his appearance. Like maybe wearing an orange or red suit instead of a plain black or gray one, for a subtly Mars-themed outfit. When Comet isn't trying to be larger than life, he will happily be ultra chill and casual & walk around the house in pajama pants and a hoodie doing introvert stuff.
I write Piter as pretty ace, but he likes to wear, hmmm, slutty outfits. Even when he's not putting in effort (or shouldn't bc he has to go to work), he likes wearing low v-necks. And slutty isn't the right word for it (bc of the implied shame over how many sexual partners someone has), but it gets the description most of the way there. If I said he likes to wear sexy outfits, that would come with an implication that he's dressing for confidence and fun and expects reciprocation. What he's doing is baring a feminine side like teeth. If there's shame, it's anything he has left over that's internalized, like an unscratchable itch. That, and anything a viewer might feel on his behalf, and might try to put on him, which is it's fully expected but not wanted or accepted. It's not that he just wants to look good and nothing more, and it's not that he's trying to attract romantic partners, but a secret third thing, and it has to do with anger and power and being genderqueer.
[ 🎈 ] does your muse have many regrets? what are they?
Comet loves space, but he never pursued a career in a related field because his family was deeply involved in political spheres and pushed him into that. He has regrets around not being wise enough or assertive enough in his younger years to really actively chart the course of his own life before someone else got there first. But in just about every verse I have for him, he's figured out how to get involved with projects related to space anyway.
Piter is a creepy guy who talks too much, so he's organized his entire life and job security around being so goddamn smart that he's too useful to let go. So just about all of the regrets that really spook him are related to times he had unavoidable human lapses in his mission to only ever be smart and competent, and to never be not smart or make mistakes. Maybe in a setting where he lives long enough to unlock the deep wisdom that comes with extensive life experience, he'll even regret killing all those people.
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falcqns · 2 years
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bucky!! and maybe harry potter for the ask game!
*these will be strictly from the movies regardless of my feelings for the characters*
Bucky:
Sexuality Headcanon: gay, but with a little bit of internalized homophobia due to nothing but the time he was raised in, but is slowly working to break that down and accept himself and his sexuality. wont admit he's gay yet, but i leaning towards unlabeled/bisexual.
Gender Headcanon: i personally get the nonbinary vibe from him, and i feel like he likes to experiment with wearing different styles of clothes, but again, because of his upbringing, he won't admit it, at least for a while.
A ship I have with said character: stucky. obviously stucky. but my second face is sambucky because sam <3
A BROTP I have with said character: him and thor would be best buds. 100%. thor would chop the head of anyone who dare say a single negative comment about Buck.
A NOTP I have with said character: Yelena and Bucky. just no. for a million reasons why. 1) him and Natasha had a history, and Yelena is her younger sister, so for him to move from Nat to Yelena after Nat sacrificed herself to bring him back is just yuck. and 2) Yelena is aroace, and has mentioned that she feels nothing beyond platonic love for those around her.
A random headcanon: i feel that he has sensory issues. my other headcanon is that hes autistic but people get mad when i bring it up so we'll talk about his sensory issues. i think this because with enhanced senses, everything is more intense, so he has to have issues with loud noises and certain smells just because he's enhanced.
General Opinion over said character: i love him. i love my little bucky, my boobky, my Jamie boy. he deserves nothing but the best and Kevin i will chop your head off if he doesnt get that. thats a threat, Feige. I WILL DO IT.
Harry Potter:
Sexuality Headcanon: i think he’s straight, but definitely would sleep with Ryan Reynolds if given the opportunity.
Gender Headcanon: he/him
A ship I have with said character: Ginny obv. she’s the only person i can ever see him with
A BROTP I have with said character: Ron bc Ron never cared about the fact that he was famous, he saw a lonely boy sitting alone and decided to befriend him because that’s what Molly taught him to do.
A NOTP I have with said character: Draco. while i love enemies to lovers, i don’t think harry would be okay with the fact that his parents were in the cult that killed his own parents. he wouldn’t do it, no matter how attracted he was to draco physically.
A random headcanon: he’s very protective of all his children, but especially Lily. she’s named after his mother, and has red hair as well, so he definitely goes Papa Bear when something upsets his baby girl.
General Opinion over said character: i adore him. he’s so strong, and has remained happy despite the amount of devastation, abuse, and death he’s been surrounded with since he was 1. he achieved so much in his first 17 years of life, and he deserves to life the rest of his life in peace, and i hope to god he’s in some form of therapy because he should not have been fighting for his life, trying to kill someone and protecting hogwarts at 17. he didn’t deserve the life he was given and guck dumbledore for not preventing that and dying like a coward to escape his mistakes.
send me a character and i’ll give you my opinions on them!
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scoups4lyfe · 2 years
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Hi Karen anon here, long time no see (cause 8 just check tumblr like once a week and that just to read your liveblog. Usually i come to check it on Wed cause uhh I keep remembering the 30 hours anon lol chile anyway).
See, thanks to the newly added tags it did make my reading easier. But, I was scrolling for fun when I encountered the (excuse me if this sound rude) that mf 'interesting' anon. So pls excuse me while I put my Karen wig on
I know this is just Tumblr but people should really be professional. Your blog isnt a ship blog or whatever (though I noticed you just merely implying it sometime) so I found it really annoying that the anon attack you for something taht didnt have anything to do at all. Cause well, I will be honest. Im just interested in your blog bc of the fun af liveblog and the amazing analysis (i read the Ikki analysis so much its my bed time story/hj). And Im quite sure almost everyone who came to your blog is also come for the same reason. So what our personal ship is irrelevant to this blog (well at least thats how far I observed it)
*Taking my wig off* now that was done.
As always, I enjoy reading the live blog. Though I find it weird that in the ep 22 preview, it felt like everything go back to normal? Like Hiromi didn't just unalived down the cliff 😂. But well I will be anxiously waiting for that ep 🙏🙏
Also funny story, so I am someone who likes spoiler. So I will search spoiler on twitter first. Apparently, they all said that Daiji was useless in ep 21 and Im like "Naurr dont be mean to Daiji guysss" (bc they say that /every episode/ it basically a joke). Unfortunately, after watching ep 21 myself Daiji did feel even more....useless (this is strictly my opinion I swear lmao). Like, nah Daiji I cant defend you anymore like this 😂
Well sorry for the long af ask. Thank you for your hardwork and I will wait for the Oltecca(?) analysis. See you next week 🥰🥰 (take care of your health. The covid cases in country really spike up so hard this week 😔)
KAREN ANON????
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Ayyyyy howdy buddy.
I'm glad the new tags help LOL
JDSKFJASDFJSDFDSF
THE KAREN WIG
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'm glad for your wig'ed defense 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and yessssssssss
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I'm glad you like my analysis posts LOL!! And awh <333 it's always nice to hear y'all are having fun with the nonsense I've thrown into the abyss aasjdfjsdfjdf
AND YEAH G, I felt the SAME seeing the next episode preview. Really lol'ed cause it felt like we went back to the 'monster of the week' episodes aksdjflkjsdfj.
Tho I know the writers like to troll with us so idk I wouldn't be surprised if every other moment in that episode is just 'sibs mourning' hours. Sooooo funny too cause if it isn't,,,, and everyone's actin like nothing happened lmaooo that's STILL in character
#repress repress repress LOL
AHHHH USELESS DAIJI !!! BROOOO
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soooo funny that's Daiji's pet peeve about himself too lasjdfksdf ;;;that he can't ever seem to do anything (esp when it really matters LOL!)
See, Daiji hates being the "damsel in distress" but that's all he was ever taught to be (cause Ikki and Sakura literally did everything else) and that was another big reason why he went out into the world and got some crazy asf job -- because he wanted to prove to himself too that he's able to do things on his own
but likeeeeeee, idk old habits die hard hahahaha
(Also doesn't help that in times of great stress Daiji clams up instead of being able to properly react to the situation. Aka he just shuts down.)
My homie is still learning just *how* to do things on his own, and then the Kagerou fratricide-stint really had him back-sliding in any positive development he had previously LOL!!!
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My homie is the picture boy for Learned Helplessness
"People that experience repeated abuse and other aversive situations eventually learn to become helpless if nothing they do changes it. It’s as if they internalize that since nothing worked in that situation, nothing will work in similar situations, either. The trauma begins to erode two other critical aspects of mental well-being — self-efficacy and internal locus of control."
haha yoinks. Man I wish we got more flashbacks of the Igarashi sibs past cause DAMN. Pls man give me some bread in this desert.
"Self-efficacy is your level of confidence that you can tackle challenges and learn new skills. Internal locus of control is the degree to which you believe your circumstances are under your control. When these two traits are high, you feel confident and empowered, even when things get tough. Stressors seem controllable, and you know that you can trust yourself to do your best.
When learned helplessness takes over, though, you don’t feel so sure of your ability to handle challenges. You don’t believe that what you do makes a difference, and that makes it hard to see a way out — let alone a silver lining."
(These quotes are taken from: 'What is Learned Helplessness and how do you 'unlearn' It?' blog post/article)
Anyways It's obvious that Ikki's over-parenting has lead to this situation. And I think what makes it worse is that Sakura is more useful/helpful than he is.
(She wants to be seen as capable so she steps up to do as much as she can / to manage what Ikki isn't able to)
So now he's placed in the position of being especially useless LOL.
Anyways, Daiji has a lotttt of problems :')). He's literally the perfect target for cult recruitment.
(Which might be one of the reasons why he's still so quick to defend shady ass Fenix. Fenix is one of the few things he positively attributes to himself, so if Fenix is bad then that just means Daiji's failed *again* at doing the right, correct, moral, 'good', thing.
It's the *only* thing he has giving him any lick of worth. The only thing making him useful. Everything he's accomplished will go to ZILCH the moment Fenix isn't part of the 'good guys.' So,,,for him its just easier to ignore all the red flags. Cause he doesn't want to hate himself more than he already does, rip.)
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hueningshaped · 3 years
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★ good friend | k.sy
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▰ genre: implied spice/nsfw but barely angst AND fluff, the classic
▰ word count: 2476 hhhh
▰ synopsis / request #1: fwb to lovers! soonyoung since this idea has actually been on my mind before the ask came in (also HOORAY ASK :D) hehe
▰ possible warnings :: mentions of sex and vomiting and food
▰ notes: im lame also tmi but ive never had experienced anything romantic in my life so i tell u this - i am not good with romance and im not sure how any of this stuff is supposed to go so ur ever bewildered at what i postulate, u are not alone lmfao. i hope this isn’t too bad and i hope what i write in general isn’t too rough
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Most nights offered the same routine and have offered the same routine for the past few months: nights of mottled yet complete love marks ridden upon your very feverish skin, long abandoned clothes of your weekly activities, and sweet and overwhelmed sounds that were evoked from pleasure that lasted hours. However, the fulfillment of satisfaction could no longer be quelled as the filaments of your heart now yearned for something more.
And while Kwon Soonyoung did you no wrong directly, only the knowing that there was nothing more besides sex despite your growing feelings furthered an irreversible damage that rested in your hands alone.
The reality was that you weren’t his and he wasn’t yours. It would never be that way. You and he had agreed to it, but now, the guilt and pain blossomed like a bruise in your soul. Your heart always hurt afterwards and beforehand.
Just two days had passed since the last time you allotted another rendezvous with Soonyoung and he had messaged you again. Of course, upon seeing that text, which you received during your lunch at work, you soon lost appetite and utilized the rest of your break to weep into your bag in the restroom.
The meetups with him did you no good as they had frequented and seemingly were no longer just for sex.
Soonyoung learned your body and the things that made your body pleasured and joyous. He’d walk in early to bring you your favorite snacks. Sometimes, he would greet with a kiss on your nose or cheek.
When your limbs were tangled and you were at his mercy, Soonyoung would plant kisses all across the expanse of your neck and chest. On more occasions than you can count, the love marks he’d left have been often uncountable. With each passing meeting, his lips journeyed to your own, swollen and bitten raw by the time you’ve both finished. Sex was more than sex; it became that way before you even understood. He held and touched you in the way one cherished and love someone else.
Soonyoung brought forth so much joy, laughter, albeit cries from pleasure, but you were now unable to continue.
Your friendship with him was something priceless and a treasure. For you to risk that and the one thing that nearly convinced you that you were more than that would be foolish. The shift from simple friends to friends with benefits had only began due to a joke. Nearly a year had passed and you often regret trespassing the fine line of friendship and more than that.
Good friend Soonyoung also wasn’t foolish; he knew you and knew how you could be when you didn’t want to be you at times because you were precious to him. He knew this much.
Pretending his message had never been glossed over twenty three times, you managed to get on with your day, ignoring the dropping of your stomach, the sooner the clock moved closer to the time you were set to return to your apartment, which Soonyoung also knew.
And Good Friend Soonyoung was good, indeed.
SOON(YO)UNG: y/n
SOON(YO)UNG: are you busy tonihgt bc i need you
SOON(YO)UNG: if not i understand but i still wanan be with you
SOON(YO)UNG: i might not be good at this whole technology thing but i hope u do know ur read receotps are on
Soonyoung had a way with words; Not only at times where you needed comfort but also during those when you were at the edge, legitimately clutching to his shoulders for mercy to his wicked moves.
You felt yourself losing more grip and composure of reality as you sped home, having forgotten which days he actually did have practice. Was it everyday? Would he be at your place before you knew it? Were you a good liar? Was this the first time you were so open about postponing your boning? Were you even open about everything?
Contrast to last week, your meetups and reality with Soonyoung were as they had been for the past few months: frequent, intimate as always, but as more time passed, he was nearly inseparable from you.
Soonyoung was more than enough of a single person than you realized. He’d always been by your side for years and the things he did proved that. He always went above and beyond to made sure you felt good, comfortable, confident, and healthy. The kisses he left on your shoulder, bruises from his grip on your waist, aftercare of sweet touches and whispers, dedication of feeding you whatever he thought or tried to cook were just a fragment of what he did for you and of what he meant for you.
Not to mention he knew how to read you so well it hurt. Soonyoung could understand the light of your eyes; the light in his own eyes were effervescent, embers glowing with the lights of places wherever he entered, and they were never cold to you, the best of all.
But he would never be yours and you would never be his.
Luckily, upon your return to your place, you discovered that Soonyoung was not home before you, after silently screaming and double checking each and every possible place any person could have been.
He indeed would be at practice today, hopefully, but painfully wrong, you thought that maybe he would be too exhausted to even think of coming here.
There was the factual prospect of Soonyoung entering as he had his own key; however, his entrances were never outside of your consent or comfort, nor were they all strictly for sex. He was your best friend, who you had mingled with the territorial line that keeps platonic from sexual relationships.
Confronting the boy you had dreadfully fallen for was last on your list; your body told you so. Oh, it had no trouble letting you know of the conflict within your heart, perspiration, and clamminess.
All things came to a heading stop — in the midst of you tidying up your living room to keep your thoughts and stresses at bay — when a knock resonated. A bouquet of flurries within the pit of your stomach sent the broom in your hands over, whipping about the surfaces of the area you were in.
So much for ever trying to take the “not home” excuse. Clumsy hands.
“Y/N, is it okay if I come in?” Even the ginger edge to his voice offered no cloying confection — a sharp intake of breath drew past your raw-bitten lips. He was sweet as always.
Despite the fact he now was present and, on top of that, knew of your fabricated absence or intentional silence, confrontation with Soonyoung was just about inevitable. The flurries in your stomach now equated to the punch of an avalanche with endless swirls that even hijacked the means of your vision.
Could the end of your friendship await on the other side of the door?
“Darling, won’t you open up? Not the door, heh. I... to me... Are you okay?” The final question loosened the ivory pronunciation of your knuckles against the wringing of your shirt’s hem. There was nothing more visceral or internal that surpassed the knowledge of Soonyoung’s proximity and love to you.
How you just wanted the kisses Soonyoung messily left across the edges of your skin, the goosebumps and crimson flushes in his plump lips’ wake to be because of love and not strictly from the other way.
“Soon...” you stammered, a familiar stinging threatening behind your eyes.
“If you don’t want me to come in, then this is it. You don’t have to force yourself,” a somber tone shadowed his words, which left you perplexed but all the more conflicted. Only the thicket of steel and wood separated you, but you could still successfully make out that loving voice of his. “If you want to talk, I’m right here. I’m literally right here — your neighbors keep giving me the side eye, so lovedoll, open the door if you’re ready so we can talk. If not, I’ll understand.”
An answer, even a mustered, broken out noise from the depths of your throat, would have sufficed, except the swirl of your stomach returned full blow, barreling you straight to the toilet.
“I’m sorry I — ” you all but yelped to the front door.
Esophagus stretching and lungs flushing, you knew well what was coming. Words were cut short before the terribly familiar, pungent acid pounded out of your mouth in spurts and nearly imprecisely in the bathroom.
Nausea was your body’s coping mechanism for much stress: just the cherry on top.
Tears peeked at the brims of your eyes. The burn of your throat was just about the peak of your overstimulation. On top of that, you wanted nothing more than to things be right, even if it meant giving Soonyoung up. And oh, how that pain would leave this minor, minor, minor one in the blink of an eye.
A set of footsteps neared you, just as you finally were reaching for something to wipe your mouth off.
“You could’ve just said you were sick, sweet Y/N,” he sighed and you sniffled, continuing your ministrations. Confessing a possible unrequited love here was not ideal, but it would be worth a shot...if you could even speak. “Here I was fearing the worst: imagining a horror film scenario, since, you know, one of the idiots, namely Channie, decided to have a marathon the other — Y/N?”
As you moved to sit back on your sprawled and folded knees, your eyes trained upwards: a position and person you could remember by muscle memory at the least. That silly grin of his slowly dissolved into a concerned clutch of his lips, eyes roaming past that of your own eyes.
Your heart was nearly leaping before the machinations of your head could compute exactly you wanted to say. The silence was shared by your staring contest and your ventilation system that constantly busted up.
No words were said — from you, really. Confessing your love was much harder than it looked.
With the help of Soonyoung, you were eventually put to rest, after an entire system of learned routines that followed familiar episodes of your countless seasons of your friendship.
You let him choose what to watch, which he did not hesitate to execute to his choosing. His warmth was no different, he knew this. Enveloped in his lap, your feet trembled at the same rate as your hidden fingers did.
“Do you want me to make you some herbal tea?” He chimed, flipping through the cast list of whatever show that currently caught his eye. The slant of his eyes desperately deserved a kiss.
“You don’t know how to make tea,” you stated, earning the gaze that weighed tons. He pouted comically. His cheeks still possessed a flush from earlier practice, where you’d seen first hand how he dominated the room and led the others, allowing them to shine with his practice and ministrations.
“Soonyoung, you know I get sick like this. It happens occasionally.” His eyes had trained back to the screen until you let the final word escape your mouth, shocked at the chuckle rattling his voice and shoulders.
Those constellations met your eyes again: a nebulous light that could have had your knees buckling had you been standing.
“Occasionally? You get sick when you’re nervous or angry, which, for that part, is a kinda funny rarity — but I know you, Y/N,” he let your name ripple off his lips, the equivalent of having shared the most fragrant and delicate fruit between your very lips. “Why are you nervous?”
The lump in your throat throbbed, leaving you with something more than a twisted tongue. Good Friend Soonyoung was good indeed.
He leaned down to close the proximity between you more and more, taking a strip of loose hair and curling it around his finger before swooping in like a hawk. His brisk scent enveloped you, of musk and some other herb of a lotion you had purchased for him from a Christmas gift just a few months back. Soonyoung brought the hair to his lips, as your own merely parted at the proximity, quite possibly electrifying the amorous feelings even more so. 
A gasp was all you could muster last until he was nose to nose with you, lips just a hair away. 
“Why do I make you nervous?” He spoke lowly. You could barely meet his eyes. He planted a shallow kiss on the corner of your mouth until warm streams trailed from the corner of your eyes and of course, he cupped your face.
Concern furrowed upon his expression. He was no longer kissing you, and you were no longer poker faced, a sob billowing from the depths of your throat.
“What’s wrong?” And of course, you cried more at that. So much for not letting him know your feelings.
“Y/N,” he implored softly. His arm was perched beside your head where you laid and he now moved back so you could sit up at the slightest, or to at least where you were able to since you were now sobbing.
“I love you, Soonyoung. I love you,” each word left more emphatic with a gasp for air in between. His face dropped and his hand retracted from your chin. You did your best to silence yourself, pursing your lips. “I'm sorry. That-that’s why I've been avoiding you and I know I’m full of crap for making it look like anything else, and I know I’m ruining everything we’ve ever had, but I just couldn't...couldn’t live like this.”
Nearly out of breath from your speech, your eyes fell to his hands, which rested on your blanketed feet. 
“We had a great friendship. I’m—”
“Hey,” Soonyoung called out emphatically, earning eye contact that could have seared your soul. That same hand returned and again, your jaw dropped slightly. “Why did you assume I didn’t love you?”
His velvety mouth curled with a soft smile and his thumb rubbed your past tears into your cheek. 
“I love you, Y/N. You’re just silly enough to convince yourself of the opposite,” with that, a popping kiss planted on your lips. “And this is also why you should talk to me about anything. Remember when we tried a different position and I thought you were crying about how it hurt, but you just felt—”
“Okay, okay,” you laughed with a sniffle as he rested his chin on your sternum, grinning, “so, you’re in love with me as I am with you?”
Soonyoung nodded hard enough to jolt a new yearning within you. Needless to say, he would spend the entire night proving it.
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ven-finn · 3 years
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begging you to give us your incoherent aspec jerida thoughts
fuck ok???? i dont have like. any order to them or anything im just. spiraling. also im really tired so this is such word vomit. BUT U ASKED FOR IT! 
Her mom would have given Merida a lot of internalized garbage, completely unintentionally but still incredibly hurtful all the same. Like just everything about Brave is Merida rejecting her patriarchal society at large, but especially its heteronormative/amatonormative culture that Elinor keeps pushing onto her. She’s not even marrying for love in the first place, she’s marrying for peace, and fuck does Merida hate ALL of it. It’s not malicious, but in Elinor’s head something that just comes with keeping up appearances are straight milestones. 
and u don’t need a reason to hc a character as ace for any reason ever but like fullstop I think why I hc Jack as ace so strongly is because of the way he just kind of ignores Tooth’s blatant crush on him. Like. Thinking specifically of when Tooth hugs him towards the very end of Rotg and he just goes. Aha. Welp. And moves right back onto talking things out with Jamie. It’s just my interpretation of the scene but I think viewing it that way is kind of funny. He just....doesn’t feel the need to address it, because how can he, y’know? Not any of his business. 
They’re partners. In crime. And also partners. And they laugh every time their allo friends TRY *try* to define whatevers going on with them in the very limited way allos tend to do. Like are they boyfriend and girlfriend? Not strictly. Are they dating? Yes. Is romance involved? Depending on the day. Why the fuck do you need to know? And that confuses everyone else to no end, and while that confusion might have bothered a younger, still questioning, Merida, I think Jack’s easygoing nature would help her laugh off a lot of shit. Like, in her head she can go yknow what? Jack’s right, I doesn’t care about what people speculate about my love-life and nothing about my orientation is confusing or messy, I’m fucking great. She especially doesn’t care when she’s got Jack, and he’s got her, and they’ve got their friends who DO understand. All that matters at the end of the day is that Jack and Merida care about each other a lot, labels be damned. 
also obsessed with them bullying the shit out of awful romcoms together. just. completely tearing apart stupid tropes. rapunzel’s like “c’mon guys u have to admit (xyz film with weird manipulation plot at some point bc u know how straight romcoms are) is KIND of cute” and Jack and Merida share looks like ‘is this girl serious.’  
they got matching aro/ace rings baby. i fucking love ace rings. i love aro rings. i love rings in general. and i think merida would like them too. 
idk its just really appealing to me that Merida DOES find love on her own time, just not in the way everyone expected her to. Since it fits with everything else about her character, and also goddamn it arospec merida just means a lot to me. i’ve said before I’m partial to demi hcs with the two of them, but honestly any sort are good. 
oh also elsa is an aro lesbian. not really related but I think its really cute to imagine Merida using their intersect of identities to worm her way into being friends. yknow. like. oho. you’re aro? i’m aro. what a coincidence...................please be my friend. 
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butwhatifidothis · 3 years
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That's kinda funny my all-time favorite anime is Code Geass but the things that I dislike about it in no particular order:
1) The fanservice / filler (I think that's more a personal problem for me bc I just don't like romantic subplots in anime that aren't strictly in the romance genre, especially since it tends to produce female characters made solely for being the love interest. Also, filler could've just been made into OVAs instead of ruining the pacing)
2) I feel like season 2 had the Korra problem of over-explaining the super power and it ends up being super confusing even several watch-throughs later which is an issue since explaining Geass is a pretty significant chunk of the second season
3) Some of the plot twists definitely felt like deus ex machina moments
And I saw that people compare Lelouch and Edelgard a lot and at first I couldn't understand why I absolutely love Lelouch and kind of dislike Edelgard (maybe internalized misogyny?) but I want to say it's because Code Geass has a proper ending in comparison to Crimson Flower where the slithers are only taken out in the epilogue and in one line of text? Maybe because viewers get the satisfaction of seeing Lelouch at his lowest in comparison to Edelgard who rides it out with the strike force all the way through CF? Maybe it was because the imperial threat of Britannia felt a lot more salient than the Church's corrupt influence ('cause wow I really liked the church during my playthrough)? Wish I knew xD
Well you can somewhat apply all those flaws and more on Bleach (especially the fillers lmao) and that’s one of my fave animes ever lmao so think I’ll be good on those fronts!
Hey now nonnie, let’s not rule out any possibilities - it could be those pesky ovaries of yours getting in the way of loving the God Emperor Edelgard! /SARCASM
But yeah, we never see Edelgard really sit down and think about how bad she’s actually making it for everyone - she just says “isn’t it sad how all this blood is pooling at my feet :(” but never really stops and thinks “wait... maybe all this blood... doesn’t have to be here... and I can maybe choose a different way to do things that require less blood of the innocents.” She never reflects on what she’s doing, she just thinks she’s right and never wavers from thinking like that (which would be fine if the game didn’t try to portray her as just as good as the others, just more “misguided”, all the time). And all of the suffering she causes is apparently to stop this spooky eeeevil Church that’s just so bad and corrupt with how they... give relief to survivors of a massacre when no one else would... and comes to the aid of the three nations whenever they call for help, which is often... and takes in the disenfranchised and gives them shelter, no matter where they’re from... oh dear, how diabolical of them. Far worse than the people who kidnap and torture and murder children and indirectly help instigate genocide against an innocent race of people for the regicide they committed partly through the manipulation of a distraught mother who just wanted to see her daughter again, so it’s okay to work with them to take down the Church, all while the game pretties up all of this on the route you do this on... I promise.
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drwcn · 4 years
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Think lan zhan and jiang yanli could be friends like wei ying and wen qing are friends? If they had the chance I could see it. Totally imagining lan zhan being bewildered at first, but than actually seeing why wei ying loves his sister so much. Also totally see them silently judging idiot people together and working together to keep wei ying mentally safe. Yanli teaching him how to cook and things about her brother.
YAS! LWJ and JYL judging people together is Mood. I will die on this hill.
(and bc i hate sleep, i got inspired by your ask and wrote this brain vomit from my btsf!verse that no one asked for, and yet i shall shamelessly impose on the world. It’s a different take on jiang yanli chewing out jin zixun and lan wangji being there and being generally awesome. ) 
Jin Zixun is causing a scene. 
Again. 
In broad daylight in the middle of one of Jinlintai’s gardens no less. The Jins had planted lovely peonies, which are all in bloom now. Jiang Yanli had intended to enjoy them for an hour or two, but it seems her morning plans are about to be ruined. What she initially dismissed as a minor nuisance is quickly becoming an irritating fixture in her life. She has half a mind to be rid of this no good Jin cousin for good, and for that matter, she can count a good number of people who would oblige her. 
Standing toe to toe with Jin Zixun, Wei Wuxian is shaking with fury from whatever the other man had said. Not that anything even remotely tasteful has ever been produced by Jin Zixun’s mouth. It’s only productive function is eating, as that seems to be the only time he’s quiet and therefore marginally tolerable. 
Jiang Yanli already feels a headache looming just from the reminder of his mere existence. 
Lan Wangji is the first to notice her. He has one hand wrapped around Wei Ying’s wrist and another around Bichen’s sheath, pressing it across Jin Zixun’s chest to deter him from taking another step closer. Upon seeing her entourage approaching, he steps back and bows respectfully. 
“Sect Master Jiang.” 
Like wise, Jin Zixun reluctantly gives a half-hearted bow. She ignores him. For now. 
Remembering himself, Wei Wuxian flinches and quickly follows suit. “Zongzhu.” He greets her quietly. [zongzhu = sect master]
He doesn’t call her shi-jie anymore, at least not in public. 
Since the day she declared herself Sect Master of Yunmeng Jiang, A-Xian has been on his very best behaviour. Every word, every conduct, has strictly been adherent to what is expected of someone in his status and station. But Jiang Yanli could only frown. True, he is her left hand man, her lieutenant, her zuo-hufa, but he is firstly her brother, and she will not stand for him being pushed around by some second rate cultivator just so she could be spared “conflict”.
Turning her head slightly over her shoulder, she makes a small motion for Binghu (冰湖) and Shuangxue (霜雪) to stand down. Dealing with a gnat like Jin Zixun is too menial a task for upstanding cultivators like her personal guards. No, A-Xian is her brother, so Jiang Yanli will deal with this herself, and those who crosses her will only ever be sorry. 
“A-Xian, what’s going on?” 
“Nothing, zongzhu. A minor disagreement is all.” Clearly lies. 
Jiang Yanli looks to Lan Wangji. The younger man does not let go of his betrothed’s wrist, but he does lower his eyes out of deference to her. “Zhangjie, Jin Zixun-gongzi suggested that your brother Jiang-gongzi should be disqualified from tomorrow’s hunt on account of his unorthodox cultivation method. He said that he who could not protect his own golden core has no place amongst cultivators.” [zhangjie = a formal way of saying older sister]
Zhangjie. Rather bold of him to call her that, seeing he and A-Xian are not yet legally wed. But perhaps his choice of words is deliberate, used to remind her that Wei Wuxian is not just her subordinate, but her family. She’d be offended if the gesture isn’t so genuinely endearing. Lan Wangji is a quiet one, but so fiercely protective of Wei Wuxian. Out of this wretched war and all the underhanded maneuvers she’s been forced to take, nothing has pleased her more than this marriage alliance that she and Lan Xichen arranged.
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian frowns and admonishes him quietly.  
“I spoke the truth.” 
Jiang Yanli casts Jin Zixun an aloof side glance, then says, “Perhaps I have confused the rules. Clarify for me, Wangji, is spiritual cultivation required for the hunt tomorrow?”
“No.” 
“Does cultivation affect the participant’s performance and ability?”
“No. Not if they follow the rules of conduct.”
“The Hunt is a strictly skills based competition is it not?”
“It is.” 
“Well then, I think that settles that. A rather simple mistake, Jin Zixun-gongzi, but I wouldn’t fret too much if you didn’t remember. This has been trying times for us all.”Jiang Yanli’s smile is bright but scorching, like the desert sun. 
Colour rises in Jin Zixun’s cheeks. He turns up his nose and huffs, “Has Yunmeng Jiang fallen so low that there’s no one left but deviants, servants, and women?”  
Wei Wuxian starts towards him, fully intending to throttle the man, but Jiang Yanli calms him with a gentle hand. Unflustered, she turns her full attention to the Jin cousin. The smile on her face does not dim, but her eyes are glacial. 
“Deviants, servants, and women. It’s true. We are that. But what can be done? It is unfortunate that there’s not enough reliable cultivators to count on, that even deviants, servants, and women must be forced to take up arms against a tyrant. How tiresome that we must not only fight our own fights, but you cultivators’ fights too.”
“How dare you -” Jin Zixun bristles, which is about as intimidating as an angry ferret, in Jiang Yanli’s considered opinion.
“Shall I remind you when you led your troops into enemy territory last winter in a bullheaded attempt to boast your ego, whose squadron came to your aid when you were trapped, starving in the snow? Whose food fed your men’s bellies, whose blankets and tents warmed your bodies in that storm?” Jiang Yanli does not raise her tone, but holds nothing back. “And who, after you so pitifully grovelled, omitted your incompetence from the report to your uncle and Sect Master.” 
“I -” Jin Zixun darkens from red to purple, unable to come up with a single word of refute. Typical. 
Jiang Yanli plows on.
“If we deviants, servants, and women are not befitting polite company and the gentlemanly sport of hunting, then you sir, with so little grace and gratitude for the people who saved your life and the lives of your kinsmen, are not fit to even stand in our presence.” She takes a step closer, forcing him back. “You’re right. I am a woman, but Wei Wuxian was raised along side myself and Jiang Cheng, as close to us as flesh and blood. That you have called him a servant is untrue and a grave offence, which I will not accept. So remembering that, Jin Zixun-gongzi, you will apologize to my brother, Yunmeng Jiang’s zuo-hufa Wei Wuxian. Immediately.”
It is Jin Zixun’s turn to shake, too humiliated and furious to say a thing. It’s clear that he’d rather the ground swallow him than apologize, but as servants and disciples start to crowd around them, whispering and pointing, it seems he has no choice. Jiang Yanli is still a sect master, and Wei Wuxian is a much respected hero. 
“Apologies, Wei-gongzi.” 
“What’s going on here?” Behind Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, Jin Zixuan and Qin Su can be seen making their way towards them from the other end of the lang. The latter of the two dips in a proper courtesy of a gentlewoman, but the former only manages an awkward cultivator’s bow without meeting Jiang Yanli’s eyes.  
“Nothing that needs to worry you, Jin-gongzi. Just a small misunderstanding, all cleared up now. Is that not so, Zixun-gongzi, Wangji, A-Xian?”
“Barely a tiff.” Lan Zhan lies with a straight face. Wei Ying says nothing. 
Jin Zixun forces himself to nod once. 
Jiang Yanli quickly forgets that such a person ever existed. Stepping up to the two that just joined them, she offers her usual sweet smile. “I don’t believe I’ve had the opportunity to congratulate you both on your upcoming nuptials. Such wonderful news! Qin-meimei, Madam Jin has asked me to consult on the design of your fengguan, I hope we shall see more of each other so I can make better judgement of your preferences.”
Qin Su blushes. “Jiang-jiejie - eh - Jiang-zongzhu, you tease me! There’s been so much to do lately, we’ve not had time to send out the invites. I - Congratulations to your family too, Hanguang-jun, Wei-gongzi.”
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian return her well wishes politely, though somewhat with a stiff back. Jiang Yanli internally frowns, wondering perhaps things aren’t going as well she is led to believe… A matter she needs to think on later. 
“Well, I must be off now. I wish I had the endurance of a cultivator, but alas the summer heat is somewhat getting to me. Do enjoy the peonies though, Qin-meimei, Jin-gongzi, they are lovely this year. Wangji, A-Xian, come.”
Jiang Yanli leaves the garden at a leisurely pace, her head held up high, followed by her brothers and her entourage. As she turns at the round archway, she spares a discreet glance towards Jin Guangshan’s son and his future bride, a pairs of unfortunate siblings trying to fit into each other’s lives and unknowingly heading towards a disaster.
She decides to let that one stew a little longer. For now no real damage is done - Jin Zixuan is far to awkward even if Qin Su finds him handsome. The marriage won’t go through; she’s not so cruel that she will actually let that runaway carriage go off the proverbial cliff. However, the key to every offensive strike is timing, and now is not the time to reveal the truth to them. As long as Madam Qin is medically incapacitated, the secret holds, and she will stay that way for a while yet. Jiang Yanli muses that she rather likes the landscape now the way it is, and longs to see the day Jin Guangshan and Qin Cangye gets what’s coming to them.
-
1. zongzhu = sect master2. zuo-hufa =  the “zuo - left” hand man of the sect master. Their function is to serve and protect the sect master, as the word hufa literally means protector. 3.  Binghu (冰湖) & Shuangxue (霜雪) - YJL’s bodyguards. Binghu means ice, lake, Shuangxue means frost, snow. 4.  zhangjie = a formal way of saying older sister.5. lang =  A long, belt-like structure, Lang, the covered corridor is a roofed passage usually with low railings and long side benches. 6. meimei = younger sister. jiejie = older sister. When used in conjunction with last names, this is a way for women who are familiar with each other to address each other. I7.  fengguan 凤冠 = it’s the term for the headpiece that brides wear on their wedding day. 
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kawaiijellymonster · 3 years
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Asks: 1, 8, 24, and 29 cuz i'm nosy lol
Have I ever wished on a shooting star?: Yes! Every time I see one, I know it probably doesn't do anything but usually, I see them when I'm super depressed or lonely so during those times it feels good to pray to something even if it doesn't mean anything (does that make sense?)
Do I take care of any plants?: Yes! I currently have 28 plants (not all in different planters there's like 7 in one big succulent planter) and I am getting a new Aloe plant tomorrow. I'm starting to name some of them so I have: Sappho and Midnight which are two English Ivy's, this one really tall floppy one I call Icarus, and a hobbit jade named Nemo
If you could travel to any point in time where would you go?: MMm I have anxiety so I would probably wanna travel back to right before i made a stupid mistake that haunts me to this day but I have billions of those and honestly the past hasn't been kind to women until like the last century but I'd probably wanna go to like 16-1800's England ish Europe purely for the aesthetic and the dresses bc i like dresses.
Childhood male crush? Female crush? Mkay so here we enter internalized homophobia and normalcy ig so idk if it means like celebrity crush or actual crush but in 3rd grade there was these two boys and we like were complete shits and i was a total tom boy and so Me, Gavin, and Avery drove our teacher batshit together. We legit created this thing called "the pencil lead war" where we had those plastic pencil cases just full of broken pencil leads and it was violent (children snapping pencils for lead) and the teacher threw them all out over spring break. Which is complete nonsense and not what you asked, but the point is that we were bro's and when 4th grade came around and both of them moved I was devastated and everyone was like "oh poor christi her crush is gone this year" and I was liek "oh poor christi My crush is gone this year and now I'm alone" which was A Mess TM and I still think about them but also I think it was mostly like my first year actually attending school (i was homeschooled) and I really wanted to have a crush on someone so I bonded to the two closest homies that fit the description. bc I'm gay as hell and didn't know it bc I was raised strictly christian and without the internet.
Which brings me to the second part: now the girls at my school sucked and bullied me so I hated them and still do even after graduating. But I was obsessed with Raven from the original Teen Titans, all of the girls from H2o just add water (both versions bc I am mermaid biased), all the girls from totally spies (bc they badass), and both Kim Possible and Shego from Kim Possible. bc I'm gay and they all so pretty and badass and neat <3
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modestmuses-a · 4 years
Text
the positive & negative :    mun & muse  /  fill out & repost .
EKKO
MY MUSE IS :    canon  /  oc  /  au  /  slightly canon - divergent / fandomless / complicated 
i try to stay mostly close to ekko’s canon but i also have a fuckton of aus for him including some real self-indulgent bullshit that isn’t even on his verses page. if you want me to make a new au for ekko to fit him into a different skin line or something, i’ll probably do it tbh.
IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM ?    YES  /  NO / I DON’T KNOW 
IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM ?  YES /  NO  /  IDK
for better or worse. when “giants” first came out, i had more ekko smut on my dash than i ever cared to see.
IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM ? YES  /  NO  /  IDK
i can tell you what i think of ekko’s strength, and i can tell you that... it isn’t much. he’s not the most adept fighter in the series, and most of the time, he wins fights by cheesing them with time travel. in my thread with @uncaged-bloodhunter​ ekko would be DEAD four times over by now if not for the zero drive.
however, i haven’t seen much fandom opinion about his strength? i’m going to go out on a limb and say most people probably don’t find him very strong bc? i don’t see a lot of people saying that but. who knows.
ARE THEY UNDERRATED ?   YES  /  NO  /  IDK
canon-wise, fandom-wise, and on this blog, ekko gets a lot of attention, which i’m not complaining about. he’s a fav.
WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY ? YES  /  NO  /  IDK
he is important around zaun, but considering he won’t LEAVE that place, i doubt we’ll see him achieve much relevance in the bigger overarching conflicts in the league universe anytime soon.
WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER ? YES /  NO  /  IDK
if league did have a main character, i’m sure he would never meet them unless they were from piltover or zaun lol
ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD ?   YES  /  NO  /  IDK
around piltover/zaun, all the academics are trying to get him to sit down with them, but overall? nah. if he went anywhere other than piltover or zaun, they would have no fucking idea who he was.
HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION ?    GOOD  /  BAD  /  NEUTRAL
pilties HATE him! click to find out why!
no, but in seriousness, around zaun, his reputation is quite good as one of the few decent souls in the city. but in piltover, he’s just another thuggish troublemaker on a spree of petty crimes, as if zaun doesn’t already have enough of those...
HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON ?
shrugs. i don’t actively think about adhering to canon with every thread i write, of course, but i do think i have a pretty good handle on his character so.
SELL YOUR MUSE !( try to list everything that makes your muse interesting to make them spicy for your mutuals ) 
he is a nice sweet boy who WILL adopt every single child and will go out of his way to help those in need. he also has plenty of spunk and a real get-up-and-go kind of personality, he’s not the kind of person who likes just “hanging around” so he’s a perfect companion for someone who likes to get out and adventure as long as you don’t go outside of piltover/zaun. he’s very loyal and will stick up for his friends, even when it would be more convenient to sell them out. and of course, he’s willing to call authority figures out on their bullshit and doesn’t sit back and passively watch injustices happen.
NOW THE OPPOSITE !(  list everything why your muse could not be so interesting . even if you may not agree. what does the fandom perhaps think ?  )
he’s got abandonment issues up to HERE, and because of that, he is c l i n g y. if he gets attached to you in any way, he will NOT let you go. he will NOT get over you. he will probably keep trying to worm his way back into your life for months or YEARS because he just doesn’t know how to deal with being left.
furthermore, he represses every negative emotion he has ever felt because he feels like his problems are trivial compared to other people’s so he bottles that shit right on up like cheap cough-syrup-tastin’ whiskey. he holds onto a LOT of resentment - at piltover, at the chembarons, at himself, at the world - and because he doesn’t allow himself to DO anything with said resentment, he’s a ticking time bomb (pun fully intended). i do have... timelines... where all that internalized hostility blows up in a really messy way. and by messy, i mean bloody.
WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE ? 
around the time i first started getting into league, a bitch was going through it. we were pretty destitute and received an eviction notice, and i had to work my ass off to keep us from losing our apartment. it was a very depressing time for everyone involved. but then i found ekko, this boy who had even less than i did but made the most of it, who always found some way to make the day better. writing him became very cathartic for me because it allowed me to take something positive away from what was one of the worst years of my life.
WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING ? 
punk rock music, haha! especially that of billy talent. their whole dead silence album is pretty ekko, but they have a lot of bangers that remind me of him scattered across all their albums. we deserved punk rock ekko and instead we got fucking true damage because riot didn’t wanna get political, i guess. smh.
some more personal questions for the mun . give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters , which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not .
DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE ?   YES  /  NO  /  IDK                      
DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS ? YES /  NO  /  IDK
i kind of only address headcanons as they come up. very occasionally i will drop a few for a new muse just so that people get a better feel for who they are before writing them but... yeah written headcanons are pretty few and far between here. it’s really not even worth me having a headcanon banner lmao
DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES ?    YES  /  NO  /  IDK
i would like to, but writing my replies here kind of sucks up most of my time!
DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY ? YES /  NO  /  IDK
ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL ? YES  /  NO  /  IDK
too confident some might say, but those people would be silly fools
ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING ?   YES  /  NO  /  IDK  
ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON ?   YES /  NO  /  IDK
sometimes i get anxiety about stupid shit but i try and often fail to be secure
DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL ?
nope, i ain’t changing a thing. i’m the best ekko on this site, and you are free to disagree with that because everyone is entitled to their wrong opinion, but my askbox is closed to those kinds of complaints. :)
DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS , WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER ?
yeah, sure, although i understand why people don’t send them because i often draw blanks on what to send without somebody reblogging a headcanon meme or something. if you just reblog “send my character questions on anon!” i’m probably not gonna do it bc i have no idea what kinds of questions would even be relevant or helpful for you.
IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS , DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY
nah, everyone can do what they want. i usually won’t follow people if i don’t agree with their headcanons, but i’m not about to get all up in somebody’s business about it.
IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL , HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT ?
again, wrong opinion, but you’re allowed to have it and you’re also allowed to SMASH that unfollow button.
IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER , HOW DO YOU TAKE IT ?
who hates ekko of all people, first of all? but second of all, i don’t care. just don’t get in my dms about it ‘cause i’ll block you. i’m not really interested in somebody bashing one of my muses to my face.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS ?
shrugs. yeah, i guess. i usually leave other people’s grammatical errors alone as long as i can read their stuff.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN ?
yeah i think so. i try to be, anyway. i like to make ooc friendships bc i find it way more satisfying and easy to write with friends. although i sound a little bitchy in parts of this, it’s mostly jokes for exaggeration effects.
tagged by: @bikmui
tagging: @storiestotell (akutagawa), @bystcrdust, @dimensionaljumper (for eliza ‘cause i always send stuff for scribe lol)
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ofheroesandvillains · 5 years
Text
Reassurance - Bucky Barnes
Bucky Barnes/fem!reader
Words: 2.3k Warnings: Self-doubt? Request: Anonymous: Hey! Could you do a Police AU! Chubby!Bucky x Reader where a new member of the team makes Bucky uneasy bc he is conventionally attractive and seems to get along really well with his girlfriend?
Hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been MIA, Endgame wrecked me so I took a break from writing Marvel because I knew everything would just be ANGST haha! Hope you’re all well, and thank you to the lovely reader who requested this. Hope it’s alright! 
(Gif not mine! - couldn’t find a chubby one, so frowny face it is!)
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“Damn. Who’s that?”
“Who? Oh! Oh my god, it’s him!”
Detective Bucky Barnes rolled his eyes with an annoyed sigh. He wouldn’t say that he hated the new interns…but god, did he hate their constant chatter. Work talk? Fine, he could deal with some brainstorming sessions. But the constant string of gossip being broadcast beside him was getting real annoying.
He didn’t know what he’d done to ensure that they were seated directly beside him, but he was one ‘Oh my god, Shelley! That shirt is sooo cute!’ away from kicking down the door to Steve’s office and demanding their relocation…and it was only day three.
“He’s so hot…”
“Right? I’m so jealous. The things I’d do to him…”
Bucky grimaced, the grip around his pen tightening uncomfortably with every word.
A familiar laugh rang out and Bucky groaned. It was a laugh that he could -and always would- pick out in a crowd. He loved that laugh, and he’d been loving it for a very long time. This paperwork wasn’t going to finish itself, but how the hell was he supposed to focus on it now that he knew you’d stepped into the room?
His pale eyes flickered away from his paperwork no matter how much he told himself he needed to concentrate. Your relationship wasn’t meant to get in the way of work, but there it goes, he thought, doing exactly that. He felt all of the tension leave his shoulders at the sight of you. You had a glowing smile on your face, the kind that made his palms sweat before he’d mustered up the courage to ask you out the first time. He couldn’t hear what you were saying, but the memory of your voice in his head chased away the sound of gossip that had been grating on his last nerve for the past hour.
Against all odds, he felt a smile tug at his lips, threatening to beat his bad mood out of him. That was until he glanced over at who you were talking to. His smile fell. At least he knew who the interns were talking about now. Steve had assigned you your own newbie a few weeks ago and Bucky wouldn’t pretend that he approved of the match.
He was a good-looking guy, that much was true. Tall, dark, and handsome, that’s what your friend Natasha would have called him…and Bucky had never felt more self-conscious in his life.
The Adonis talking to his girl had muscle on top of muscle. He didn’t have that little bit of fat under his chin like Bucky did, and the outline of his abs could easily be seen through the skin-tight tee he was wearing. You kept your eyes strictly on the man’s face, and Bucky should have felt reassured, but all he could process at the moment was his own inadequacy.
Bucky looked down at his shirt, at the way his own stomach lightly strained against the buttons when he sat down. He was aware of the way his shirts were becoming tighter and tighter around his biceps than ever before - and not because he’d been working out.
Oh man…
Maybe he’d let himself go a little, but he hadn’t realised just how much until he saw you standing there next to Mr Crossfit across the room. Bucky frowned. You were smiling politely, with a laugh bursting out here and there, whenever he said something that was apparently funny.
Bucky frowned harder.
Standing there next to him, you looked…good.
You looked good together. He was everything a girl could ever want in a guy. Charming, funny, kind, and shaped like a damn statue. Worry churned in Bucky’s gut. What if he was interested in you? He sure seemed to enjoy spending time with you. How was Bucky supposed to compete with 6+ feet of tanned muscle, the likes of which he’d never had even when he was still in shape?
More importantly, how were you supposed to resist that? What if you were interested in him?
Everyone knew that Bucky only had eyes for you. You were his world and there was nothing more beautiful to him than seeing your face first thing in the morning. You’d been together for two years now, but you’d been friends a lot longer. It was his best friend, Steve (now Captain of the precinct) who originally told him about your ‘obvious’ feelings. Apparently, he was the only one who hadn’t noticed that you looked at him with the same awe and devotion he specifically reserved for you.  
Fast forward two years and he was hiding a velvet box in his sock drawer, and carrying a few extra pounds around his waist. Now his worry was if you would accept the former if he had the latter.
Before his mind could slip further down the rabbit hole, a paper bag was gently placed on his desk.
“Hi, hon! Here, I got your favourite.”
You gave him that special smile you saved just for him, and even if he didn’t have a genuine one in him at the moment, he’d force a smile for you if it was the last thing he did. And he did, even if you’d always said that a forced smile is always worse than a frown. He eyed the paper bag and tried to ignore the addictive aroma that always made his mouth water. His stomach grumbled and he almost grimaced all over again when you both looked down at it.
“Thank you…” he said, crossing his arms on top of his desk in a poor attempt at hiding it from your view.
You frowned. He was curling in on himself, and never in the whole time you’d known him, had he looked so small. Detective Barnes was a confident guy. He was the most successful detective in the precinct, hell, in the whole of New York. He was a good-looking guy, and had the personality to match. But now…he looked scared, terrified even.
“Bucky, are you oka-“
He shot up from his seat, startling both you and the interns a desk over from him. He shot you an apologetic look.
“Sorry…I uh, I just…I gotta go to the bathroom real quick.”
He didn’t wait for a response, darting away from his desk and hating himself even more for the confusion he heard in your voice when you called after him.
The door to the men’s room collided against the wall with a loud bang, and Bucky marched over to the taps. He slapped some cold water onto his face and braced his hands on either side of the basin, his head bowed between them. Deep breaths. One, two, three…
The door to the men’s room squeaked open but Bucky paid it no mind.
“Um…sir?”
Bucky’s head shot up and he looked at the intruder with wide eyes.
It was him.
Bucky felt jealousy rear its ugly head.
“What?” His voice was raspy, and he cleared his throat when Adonis flinched. He was a lot younger than Bucky first thought.
“Sorry…” Bucky gave him a small half-hearted smile.
He smiled back.
“No problem, sir.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and Bucky almost gaped. He didn’t know that Adonis even knew what nerves were. “I uh, I was just talking to your wife…”
Bucky didn’t correct him, feeling a swell of pride replace his envy. Yes, mine. My wife.
“She’s been a huge help, really, I get a little anxious sometimes and she’s helped me keep a level head, you know?” He was rambling now, and Bucky’s eyes softened. He looked like a nervous little kid in a gigantic body.
“I’ve been trying to kinda get myself to talk to you for a little while now, but I guess I was worried about what you’d say.” He heaved a deep breath and for the first time since they’d met, Bucky shot him a genuine smile.
“I know you’ll have a spot available on your squad soon, and well, I just wanted you know that it’s been a dream of mine to be mentored by you…unless- unless you already have someone.” He added, wide eyed.  
Bucky’s brows shot up in surprise. Of all the things he’d expected him to say, that hadn’t even come close to the list. This guy…he looked up to him?
“Oh, wow…uh, no. I don’t have anyone in mind.” Bucky chuckled at the spark of hope in the kid’s eyes.
“Tell you what, why don’t you get my details from my wife and we’ll schedule a meeting at, uh…at a better time.” Bucky gestured to the bathroom and they shared a laugh.
“Yeah- yes, no problem!” Adonis nodded. “I hope you feel better soon, sir!”
He shot Bucky one last grin before he left.
Bucky sighed and looked at his reflection in the mirror. In a way, he was grateful. The kid had been a distraction he didn’t know he’d needed.
“Nuh-uh, nope. I don’t think so!”
Bucky winced at the determination in your tone and he knew there was no way he was getting out of this one. Your hand grasped his elbow as soon as he left the bathroom and you dragged him into the empty break room. He’d almost forgotten about how he left you at his desk.
“Sit.” You pointed at the couch.
He did, and you sat beside him.
“Now, what’s going on?” You gnawed at your bottom lip in worry, turning to face him.  
Bucky didn’t meet your eye, his mind once again trudging up all of the doubts he’d tried and failed to bury in the bathroom. God, why did he have to care about this? Why did anyone have to care about what they looked like? He got you all worked up and worried for what? His own insecurity?
“It- It doesn’t matter. It’s stupid.” He shook his head.
“Hey,” you frowned, “it’s not stupid and if it matters to you then it matters to me.”
“Come on, Buck…talk to me.” You pleaded.
His shoulders slumped in defeat. He couldn’t leave it like this. You’d be confused, your confusion would lead to sadness, and sadness was not something he liked seeing you wear.
“Do you think I’m fat?”
You blinked. That was…not what you’d expected. With the panic you’d seen on his face earlier, you’d feared that someone was sending death threats to him again or something.
“What?” You shook your head.
“I just, I see you and Adonis over there,” he jerked his head in your intern’s direction, “and he looks…well, he looks a hell of a lot better than I do.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at the nickname, but it came to a quick halt the moment you noticed a small frown on his face as he eyed your intern. This really bothered him.
“Babe, look at me.” You didn’t give him much of a choice anyway, with your hand cupping his cheek.
Your heart broke at the insecurity you could see in his sad eyes.
“I love you,” you couldn’t stress it enough, “more than anything, and I’ve loved you for a long time.”
“I didn’t fall for your abs, or your biceps, or whatever it is you think makes him desirable,” you shook your head with a quiet scoff. There was a slight shift in his expression, nearly imperceptible if you didn’t know him, but you did. It was a small spark of hope that flickered over his face, a trace of that old confidence that you’d build up brick by stubborn brick if you needed to.
Your thumb gently trailed back and forth along his stubbled jaw and his lips twitched upwards.
“I fell for that smile,” you pressed a slow kiss to his lips, before pulling away and trailing your fingertips across his cheek “and these eyes…”
The reverence and warmth they held whenever he looked at you was unlike anything you’d ever experienced. Even now, when he was hurting and uncertain, he’d show you nothing but love.
“And that heart of gold you like to pretend you don’t have,” you teased with a wide grin, pleased to see that he was trying to fight back a smile at the sight. His hand gave your hip a light squeeze, a half-hearted and silent ‘behave’.
“But mostly,” your cheeky grin fell into something more genuine, something he couldn’t question or doubt, “I fell in love with your love.”
“Hm?” His brows furrowed.
“Do you love me, Bucky?”
“More than anything.” His answer was instant.
“I know, you show me every single day.” That’s exactly the point.
“There is no better feeling in the world than knowing you are loved and appreciated,” your smile fell, “and obviously I haven’t been doing a very good job of making you see that if you have these doubts…”
His eyes widened.
“No! That’s not…you’re- you’re perfect,” this time his hands were cupping your face, “I don’t doubt that you love me, I know you do…I just,” he sighed.
“I just thought that maybe you could do better,” he avoided your shocked gaze, “maybe I’m holding you back.”
Your hands came up to give his wrists a reassuring squeeze.
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be, and no one I’d rather have. I’m yours, for as long as you’ll have me.”
His heart swelled in his chest and he took a deep shuddering breath. He really needed to hear that. He already knew it, but he needed to hear it.
“I love you.” 
He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before pulling you into his arms.
You smiled, “I love you, too.”
I felt like this was really rushed but I hope you liked it either way! Thanks for reading! xx 
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gayregis · 4 years
Note
which characters are trans this is a scientific inquiry
all of them except vilgefortz and leo bonhart
ok ok jokes, ill go more in depth... some of this is taken from things ive written before but not posted. also for anyone reading this im non bee nary so know that im not trying to describe the experiences of different identities in first-person, i’m basing this off of both my own and my friends’ experiences... none of this is “OMG YES CHARACTER ANGST >:))” but rather depicting personal struggles in fictional characters, so just know that  the more difficult subjects that may be covered are not there just to see the character in pain, but rather to think about their eventual resilience against it and development afterwards
for geralt and yennefer i have more specific reasons why i think being transgender actually fits with their canonical characters & related story arcs, and then for the rest i have headcanons and maybe some reasoning but not a lot.
geralt: geralt already represents how a struggle with toxic masculinity and expectations of masculinity can influence one who wants to be seen as masculine to deny and bury their emotions. him being trans develops upon the aspect of his struggle with emotions, ive seen my friends who are transmasculine / myself when i used to ID as transmasculine struggle with showing emotions bc of feeling like you’re going to be misgendered if you shed a single tear. in canon, we already learn that kaer morhen has a bit of a macho culture (just fyi eskel and lambert and coen are trans too now, don’t go getting any idea that those guys are cis) and i believe that the “witchers have no emotions” thing is like 5% actual biology and 95% being raised to fight and not to feel. vesemir is a good father but he just wasn’t very emotionally nurturing, it’s the caste’s way of raising kids that geralt breaks out of.
i think geralt’s self-image also speaks a lot to the feelings of harsh internal transphobia. he constantly others himself from others and feels like people view him as different, which is metaphorical for any marginalized group under the sun, but also is very common for lgbt ppl. again this is smth ive really struggled with within the past few years so im just projecting/know what it feels like and feel that how geralt sees himself in canon is similar to a view suffering from internalized transphobia.
geralt's character already redefines manhood because he has to learn what it means to be a good father. and i think him being trans would be representative of his constant learning and growth as a person, yet also somewhat involved with his self loathing and feeling like just Him Existing is an affront ... but of course he unlearns this with time and love from others and all of his character development
yennefer: yennefer’s whole backstory revolves around defining who she is and defying the people who mistreated her and told her she was nothing. canonically yennefer of vengerberg is the story of the successful self-made woman... her life as janka she would rather forget, no one calls her by that name, and no one ever would because its not who she is nor who i think she ever was. 
shes incredibly strong-willed and knows what she wanted from life but some things are terrifying to reach out for, like love and acceptance. yennefer has a conflict with love and being loved because that was never a safe topic for her ... (also sapkowski handled this specifically poorly imo, but:) yennefer canonically struggles with being loved for who she is. i think she deals so much with her previous abuse and again, expectations from parents, and coming to terms with the fact that she survived it all. also this isnt even touching upon her arc regarding motherhood. wanting to give a child your everything and everything that you never had... the love and kindness that no one gave you...
ciri: ciri hesitated to ever identify with “girl” or “boy,” she’s also i think the representation of childhood in general, she’s naturally curious about gender presentation as she ages and just never really cares to commit to gender. i think she’d say she was a girl but only reluctantly bc she just doesn’t care much.
dandelion: [from his TV Tropes page:]
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he’s an artist and a musician, he’s not gonna be cishet...
ok in a more serious context i think he’s a nonbinary guy, i think him being trans might explain why he has way more friendships than relationships with family members. dandelion, like yennefer, is also someone that had to define who he was for himself, i mean for one his stage persona of dandelion is entirely an artist’s creation/hyperbole of himself, i think he also had to think abt his inner identity too
his gender is also just “your friend that comes to your house and eats all ur chips and drinks all ur beer and passes out on top of you on the couch”
milva: ok unfortunately i currently think milva is the token non-trans friend (she’s nonbinary just doesnt think of herself as trans) but it’s only because her major arc in baptism of fire revolves around her pregnancy and miscarriage and just bc she is not trans doesn’t mean she doesn’t go through her own difficult struggling process surrounding her womanhood. she struggles enormously throughout the series and in her backstory with defining herself between two rigid identities: the feminine maria and the cutthroat milva. in her talk with geralt, she reveals how she feels trapped between these two identities and feels like they cannot coexist. i feel like she’s a nonbinary/gender non-conforming butch* lesbian whose struggles with sexuality intersect her struggles with gender and what it means to her to be a gnc woman. also you have to consider that milva was raised in a small village in lower sodden so she understood gender in the very strict roles ascribed to men and women, so she felt like she couldn’t be a woman unless she was this very traditional idea of what a woman is “supposed to be like,” which she’s both been trying to shape herself to be and also running away from simultaneously. she learns to accept herself within the hansa bc they love and support her for who she is, and she doesn’t need to be strictly feminine or masculine to be understood by them
* i know the terms nonbinary and gnc and butch didn’t exist in the 1260s tyvm, i’m just saying this as how i interpret her in a modern context
regis: gender is a human sociological construct so basically don’t ask him unless you’re prepared to listen for 20 minutes. vampires can exist noncorporeally so they can exist without gender, also i hc the telepathic vampiric language is nongendered as it’s a transmission of pure thought, will, and force, so it doesn’t even use any grammar. i also hc that vampires just appear the way they feel in terms of appearance and age (e.g., regis at around 300 when he died still looked 25 bc he was as stupid as a 25 year old, now he’s calmer and understands more, so he looks middle-aged). when chilling out with humans regis will be referred to as a man bc that’s just how he appears but it’s an identity he had to learn about and adopt, not something he was assigned. most vampires look androgynous anyways bc they just feel androgynous, how are you gonna feel a gender when you don’t know what a gender is... if you HAD to understand him with human labels / put it in a modern context (like if i was making an modern real life AU) i’d say he’s a nonbinary trans man. 
cahir: much like geralt i think cahir’s story is one of living up to expectations, but cahir’s actually takes it a step further because his major motivation in his backstory is trying to prove to his mother that he can be a good son that will make her proud and gain honor for the family... he seeks validation from external sources but faces ruin when he learns that war is not the way to prove one’s prowess and skill
angouleme: shes trans and i simply say so bc shes very cool and funny and i dont think a cis person could be this cool and funny. also i think the story of a runaway teen who was abandoned by her biological family and found solace in a new family is both very good and featured in a lot of trans ppl’s narratives. she kind of exudes this “im finally at a point in my life where i’m safe and cared for, i can start HRT now, let’s gooOOoooOOooo” energy. 
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huangsren · 5 years
Text
hs!renjun au ; aliens are real!
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ; you take interest in the class’ resident art history, seemingly cold, prince boy huang renjun after you find him rushing to the rooftop with a telescope. 
huang renjun x reader
so everyone knows Huang Renjun as the resident “yeah i love art history so i’m better than you but i won’t say that out loud bc i’m at least that decent” kid in school
none the less, he’s pretty popular ? whether that be due to the fact he’s nothing short of talented, or maybe bc he’s one of the prettiest boys in school, or bc even his signature “i don’t care” style is alluring
some girls even have this group,, rather club is the better word to describe it,, for renjun and know that more than anything, you’ll find him either : on the rooftop of the tallest building in school-  or with lee jeno on the basketball court
of course renjun isn’t actually playing tho, he’s just fooling around to piss off his basketball captain best friend
but anyways there was this one night where you had to stay back at school ‘til late with your study group
because honestly,, you guys don’t do much studying in the library
and that’d landed you a detention and having to clean the art teacher’s 20982475 easels for some reason
and afterwards, right after you come out of the classroom’s door, The Huang Renjun bumps into you
and he drops the ???? what is this a telescope stand ??/?/?? on your shin, gets up and mumbles an insincere sorry before blasting to the stairs that lead to the rooftop
even though you’re clenching your shin like it’s the worst pain you’ve felt in all your years of living- you find that he must’ve dropped a part of the stand before he zoomed away
so being the goOd person you are, you cautiously walk up the stairs (bc of that stinging pain in your shin) and out onto the rooftop with the piece of stand in your hand
your eyes spot a frustrated renjun trying to set up his telescope in the cold saying “where’d it go, where’d it go?!”
and its not until you get a little closer that you see he’s even searching under the blanket and pillows he has set up, even into the bag of snacks he has prepared to his side
when he turns around he’s met with a limping you and the piece he’s missing in your hands,, which is why he hurls himself at the speed of lightening towards you and lunges for the lost piece
but you swipe your hand away before he can get to it and he looks at you with a “excuse me? are you actually doing this right now?”
and you see the “listen we both don’t care for each other so skip the small talk and let me do what i need to do” on his face but it doesn’t stop you from asking him what he’s doing
“are you that air-headed? i’m obviously setting up a telescope” he replies, super arrogantly
“okay yeah no shit sherlock, but why” you snarked back, simply over renjun’s bad attitude since he literally dropped his stuff on you so,, it was his fault really
“listen, i’m absolutely POSITIVE there’s not a person here who doesn’t know i like to come up and look at the stars”
and then you’re taken aback bc,, you actually didn’t know the reason he ever came up to the roof all the time- but honestly, you weren’t ever curious,, until now
“that’s kind of cute” you laugh, swinging the piece in your hand so you know you have his attention
“cute? it’s everything but cute, actually. you won’t be saying that it’s ‘cute’ when i become famous for painting and capturing the first real ufo and the aliens with it”........................... is this kid serious
you really can’t find even a hint of humor in his frame nor his eyes and that’s when you burst into laughter
“aliens?? ufos?? i- oh my god hold on- i can’t stop myself from laughing holy shit”
he just looks at you like your the dumbest person he’s ever seen and scoffs, “yeah, alright” and he takes the piece from your hand and completes his stand
even though you’re starting to come off that hysterical laugh of yours, he doesn’t give you a second thought and you just watch him watching the night sky and writing in his notebook too
“not that you know me, which i expect you don’t, but ask any one around; i’m one of the most stubborn people and i happen to be adamant about all this sci-fi stuff being strictly fictional”
he turns and furrows his eyebrows at you and to your surprise he takes your wrist in attempt to drag you to the blanket but you wince in pain from your shin still hurting
how does it STILL hurt this much?
and after a second you look up and see worry in renjun’s eyes as he finally realizes that that bump may have hurt you a whole lot more than it hurt him
“maybe i’m kind of sorry about that”
“yeah? maybe you should look where you’re going” then he lets go of your wrist to fetch something
and he comes back to wrap your now swollen wow-how-did-you-not-see-that-before shin saying “i don’t think i’m the only one who needs that advice” and somehow you just know that renjun isn’t as cold as some people make him out to be,, he may be even nicer than you
and that’s that,, he makes you look through the telescope a couple of times and always says the same thing along the lines of “well if we exist here like this, what says that any other foreign life isn’t out there when the sky we see right now is already this vast”
and for the first time you really really take time to think about how big just the portion of the sky you two are seeing can be that big and how the universe and it’s galaxies and maybe even several dimensions are even bigger than you can fathom
maybe it’s the way you feel small with renjun and his big beliefs and the way he wrapped you in the extra blanket he had (bc you were shivering and he said it was “getting in the way of my scientific break-throughs”) but you close your eyes and take the time to really feel everything around you
the air, the blanket, the sounds of a school at night, even the pain in your shin which you could care less about and after a while you feel like someone is watching you and there you see it
renjun looking at you instead of the stars and you go “why aren’t you looking at the stars, huh?”
and without hesitation he just goes “well right now you seem like the brightest star” and it takes all you have to not let the blush on your face become evident
so you look away and reach for a snack before you do something to him you know you’ll regret
but still, before you place the chip in your mouth, you look at renjun again for some sign of “just kidding you’re ugly” but instead,,,,, he kisses your cheek
and you freeze and accidentally crush the chip in your fingers and well now it’s the hardest it’s ever been to hide your blush, so you just get up, nod a little at renjun and mumble a “thanks, good night” and head for the door
you can feel renjun’s eyes on you as you leave and he’s just internally fighting with himself because oh GOD why did he just do that??? it doesn’t matter that he’s popular and good looking he just can’t believe he kissed his crush’s cheek like he had no control over his own body
and his crush?? oh-so-surprisingly he’s actually had a crush on you ever since some kid in his class said that there was a girl who was completely and utterly against aliens and all that being real 
so after he’d learned who your were and stole glances at you from time to time, he concluded that maybe you were the cutest, stubborn person he’d ever found- 
and as events go, he devised a plan to set up some type of picnic on the rooftop and prove to you that ufo’s aren’t as out of this world as they seemed to you
of course he didn’t expect to hurt your shin in the process but he just had to keep that nonchalant image of his up even if it was eating him inside 
and through the night, he just couldn’t keep himself from calling you a star and giving you a little peck on the cheek, because the way you were then was just too precious in his eyes
so screw that whole plan he had of you becoming interested in him since you probably think he’s some weird touch-starved pervert of an art history student
but you actually lay in your bed thinking about that whole exchange and smile a little to yourself before falling asleep to the thoughts of what would happen to you two the next day
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macgyver strictly business liveblog
@sybilius @believerindaydreams my arm has been twisted
the first twenty seconds of the MacGyver theme is just what my actual real-life makerspace job looks like. cbs all access won’t let me take screenshots so this will be a text-based endeavor 
youtube
the improbable pile of weapons trope...i scream 
do you think the head chairwoman of H.I.T. effectively utilized girl power by being the head chairwoman of an international league of assassins?
“I owe macgyver a debt...of honor.” “there’s no room for honor in our business” (MURDOC MAKES CONSIDERING FACE)
!!!! the acrylic knife!!! i want one!!!
IM SORRY??? THE FUCKIN ELABORATE DINNER DRIPPING OFF THE TABLE???? THE CUPID?????? THE WINE?????? “DO YOU LIKE IT? TRY THE FOOD IT’S VEGETARIAN?” SORRY THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS YELLING I JUST????
so macgyver is a defense contractor? that’s what i’ve gathered Phoenix is? 
murdoc sometimes u gotta. balance out how fun it is to kill someone with a certain method with how effective it actually is. maybe standing in the bed of a pickup with a grenade launcher, while very dramatic, really gives your target a fuck of a lot of time to roll out the other side of the car (also macgyver why did you feel the need to make a three point turn. just. reverse. very fast. go!!!) 
ah the whump, with a side of amnesia 
this camp looks a lot like where i worked last summer. i miss canoeing :( murdoc just helping himself to food and bouncing up and over the counter made me chortle. why can’t murdoc kill in a quick and easy and direct fashion (i know the answer is bc this was on cbs primetime and aired in 1991) but would it not be kinder to simply shoot macgyver instead of letting him languish with a concussion and amnesia while hoping he bleeds out from the one dramatic cut on his face? out in the middle of nowhere, where you have cut the phone lines?  
“the guys my dad sends are flashy, not like you” im YELLING but this kid has a point the mullet is a lot to deal with 
“definitely murdoc’s handiwork, i could fix it if i only had some duct tape” the RELISH that murdoc-pretending-to-be-macgyver delivers that line with. also the whole doctoring the ID card, this implies murdoc carries a wallet-sized photo of himself at all times, for emergencies? i can’t imagine H.I.T. issues ID cards. well no yes i can actually but the first option is so much funnier. murdoc’s lil tactical backpack is great. what the fuck is even in there??? 
i don’t. i don’t know that it was necessary to do a flying leap through the door and down a big hill when the door was open but then again i’m not calculating my every move for maximum dramatic effect to impress my crush
macgyver staring at the shotgun like “do i...know how gun work???” is very funny to me. also this whole hostage thing seems weird i know they have another twelve minutes of episode to fill but this doesn’t seem like murdoc’s style. what i want to know, i think, is if this was written on purpose or if they just happened to have abandoned mine access that week. also hey wait a second right before the kid bike rides off. that’s an entirely different shotgun. what are they pulling here 
ohhh there’s quite a lot of explosives in the tactical backpack. leaving the pocketknife pointing the way u dramatic little shit. also murdoc going “u don’t remember me and now it’s not fun :( have this elaborate escape room i have prepared, SURELY that will make you remember me?” is also a lot. to deal with.
sorry. hold up. the melting the shot to glue the wire down to the shotgun as an improvised brace to keep tension on the wires is clever yes but murdoc apparently had the time to woodburn a sign that says R.I.P. MACGYVER?????
why’s he got a crossbow. why not just use the already established pistol, which he has fired once. what the fuck is happening in this weirdly staged fight holy SHIT murdoc doing a situp from under those fake rocks is the funniest shit i’ve ever seen what the FUCK is happening what a disney villain ending
syb u were right that’s the dumbest fuckin conclusion possible to the abusive-dad b-plot they are NOT safe not even a little bit 
anyway jesus fucking christ what a ride. i’ve only got room in my life for one long-running richard dean anderson show at a time and right now it’s stargate, but i see the appeal of *waves hand* whatever the fuck that was 
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