#i feel so sick all the time

[anhedoniacity]

my son Me who has every disease

#I Feel So Sick All The Time #was just reading abt autism comorbid physical conditions #actually autistic #perpetual notions

[queerwhohatesithere]

i want to ***

#. #whatever #vent post #i’m so. #.. #tired #like #why do i even bother #who do i even talk to #i feel so sick all the time #literally. sick. anxious enough that i feel sick to my stomach #and after my concussion my memory has been going out…i’m scared #and you know what sucks??? #i’ve actually progressed to the point where i can’t make certain bad decisions anymore #they don’t make me feel better #so wtf am i supposed to do now lol #cant *** or have brainless sex #bc both of those things make me want to kms #lol #and i like. can’t drink. like i can’t #cant do that to myself #cant. won’t. #shouldn’t #so what do i do #sit around #every night #just #be alone?

[cinnarina]

idk if you guys know this but pregnancy is the worst and I am not having a good time

#I’m sure this kid will be worth it in the end but right now I’m dying #I feel so sick all the time #it’s miserable

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[linkeduniverse]

July art

#linkeduniverse #creator content #artworks #Comic update soon #Wild hums #Or he could borrow one of the many ocarinas legend owns #Legend has so many instruments but I picked a small one that wasn’t an ocarina #spent all of July very very sick #I'm finally starting to feel like myself again #Being sick sucks! #So much precious time lost #And I missed a whole month of beautiful warm sunshine! #Sunshine is so rare here

[magicalizardboy]

Having no choice but to try and find at least a part time job remotely. Hoping I get a coding job because no phones lol

I wanna fucking die everyday and if it wasnt for my dogs I would probably stay in rock bottoms basement. I'm trying for them. I don't care about myself.

#personal #im so tired #i feel so sick all the time #i hate this state #but my dogs deserve good things

[merrigel]

I want it back = I drag its dead weight forward

#artists on tumblr #animation #in stars and time #isat #illustration #in stars and time spoilers #isat spoilers #like for real #anyway I'm still thinking about Siffrin Instarsandtime #shoutout to tumblr user jb-blunk for the words from the caption which inspired this whole deal #literally finished the game and had those words looping (haHA) in my head like 'how do I use this what can I do to match this feeling' LMAO #if you haven't played ISAT well. first of all stop looking don't glean anything from this shhhh- but also GO PLAY IT IT'S EXCELLENT #heavily based off the astronomical clock in Prague! I love that thing so it was really fun to try and make it more ISAT-like #bc the themes are already there yanno!! Stars n' whatnot! And then of course the craft types instead of the astrological signs! #Loop and the King for the sun and the moon!! #can you tell I thought about and planned this one for like. A while. Longer than I usually spend LMAO #so yeah go play it immediately come be absolutely ILL and SICK and PLAGUED about the secret boss with me #fanart #pic

[catmask]

what is it about trying to learn health facts or hygeine or body care that after a certain point it tailspins into online fanaticism. why does my mom believe gut health powders meditation and sunlight mean she will never die or age. girl i just want to find a good yogurt brand

#we're trying different yogurts bc our kid (also has autism) is super super food picky #moreso than i ever was as a kid #forrest never had issues with food more sensory things like sound and heat/textile stuff #whereas i was super super picky BUT. i was always introduced to something of at least diff food groups #so even if i onyl atelike 6 things id always have One vegetable. One probiotic. One protein source. u get the deal #we only recently got our kid to start eating fish sticks and chicken and even beef! #so hes got protein down. before he only at chips and frozen mini pizzas. like thats literally it #and he eats bananas and strawberries. we got him vitamin/protein drinks for the time being so hes not nutrient deficient #and he likes those theyre chocolate #but we're trying to find a yogurt he doesnt mind bc he doesnt have like. any. digestive or fiber ro like anything ot help him #i dont want him to feel sick and sluggish all the time . we've had a lot of success with the drinkable yogurts #but talking abuot this made my mom start talking about gut health.......

[derpycatsu]

HELLOOOOOOO i got super into vocaloid (GIANT EXPLOSION)

#sorry for disappearing!!!!! i had some personal stuff going on #and wasnt feeling good at all :( but i am back now B) hello #the last one is a redraw of a symphony keychain i want it soooo bad #IVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO VOCALOID BUT NOT LIKE. TO AN INSANE DEGREE LIKE I AM RN #AUUUUAAAUUUHGHGHG #i love gumi btw ive been listening to a lot of gumi and luka songs THEYRE AWESOME #hoping that my brainrot lasts a long time LOL #i want to be sick in the head over an interest again + theres so much to vocaloid #liek ill be here for forever #EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO LOVE ANATOMIA BTW #BUT ANYWAY YEA THATS ABOUT IT OK BYEREEEEE #vocaloid #kasane teto #megurine luka #gumi megpoid #kaito #kagamine len #hatsune miku #初音ミク #巡音ルカ #鏡音レン #カイト #重音テト #felix art

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

I will never recover from the knowledge that thymoma generally has a very high survival rate, and in most cases that it becomes fatal, the patient has unknowingly lived with the cancer for years. There's a chance that Wilson was sick for half the series and didn't even know it.

#I'm just imagining House looking back at the last few years in horror thinking about the possibility that Wilson had been sick all along #I can see it leading to him feeling like all of their memories are tainted #House definitely blames himself as well even though it was never in his control #I can't imagine how much his already extreme self-hatred was amplified #And he probably looked back at all the mistakes he made and all the fights they had and realizing that - #- while they were having all these fights that now seem so trivial that Wilson was probably sick #They wasted all that time unknowingly with Wilsons cancer slowly progressing as they argued and fought #It makes me want to cry #I'm not a doctor and I know this obviously isn't always the case but from what research I've done this seems the be the standard mostly #house md #house #greg house #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #wilson #housemd #favs #favourites

[thatoneluckybee]

Going to break into your house with pots and pans and yell at you until you reframe your thinking of productivity to include more than just schoolwork or a salary or chores and the like.

Did you do a thing? Was there a positive result for you or someone else?

Congratulations, you did a Productivity!!!

You aren’t ALWAYS going to be able to have the energy to do what we consider traditionally productive. You won’t always have the motivation.

Yeah, maybe you could have spent two hours studying for that test instead of 15 minutes. Maybe you could have cleaned the kitchen instead of the dishes. And? That’s still something!

Productivity is doing things!! Did you eat food and drink water? You did something that helped your body work! Doodled in class? You made art! Even just posting theories and memes on tumblr dot com is a thing! You thought out the post, figured out how to organize it (even if you don’t realize you did that) and you made it! And now other people can see and you DID something and you should be proud!!!

Be proud of yourself or I am going to show up outside your window tonight and scream positive affirmations louder than a cat who has just discovered her food bowl is empty.

#ESPECIALLY if you are disabled or mentally ill or sick or neurodivergent or any of the like #For me with ADHD and oftentimes poor mental health I really struggle to be traditionally “productive” #And earlier today I was frustrated because I was having a difficult time finishing a school assignment. #But also? #I noticed and made a post about a parallel between comic panels. #I’m working on a long post analyzing specific quotes from Webtoon. #I got up and got a water bottle. #Is that not productive? #Does that not produce a result that I and others may enjoy? #y’all have GOT to acknowledge little victories because that took effort and THAT was productive and Im sosososososososososo proud of you!! #adhd #autism #neurodivergent #i dont know what all to tag this as so feel free to reblog with any tags you feel this applies to or apply to you in relation to this!! #productive #disability #actually autistic #actually adhd #rambles

[bioswear]

I think more people should make peace with their dark sides, and I don’t mean that in an edgy way, I mean that in a “letting purity culture infect you to the point where you get frightened by even your own darker thoughts and impulses is NOT the healthy own you think it is” kind of way and

#you should be comfortable knowing you CAN get angry #you should be allowing yourselves to feel bad or angry or mad or even hateful without thinking you’re suddenly evil like #I think people who try to be positive and unproblematic and peaceful ALL the time are so unhealthy #personal txt #this isn’t about anything in particular I’m just sick of people thinking being angry is inherently problematic

[scificrows]

Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this #i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything #i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha #i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass #and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭 #i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise' #also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just #couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah #also uhhh this data is very subjective #i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call #also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them) #but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly #so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance #i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!! #but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol

[faunandfloraas]

#Kim Seungmin #Lee Know #Lee minho #stray kids #bystay #seungminedit #stray kids gifs #skz family #aunty lee know #skz gifs #skzedit #skz edit #seungmin edit #He was sick and twisted for this... Having hands. #almost feel bad for posting this in what is morning time for lots of you but. It's been on the agenda for me all day. #and i didnt even say anything out of pocket so 😇 #so 😇 SO 😇 #No comment. #Actual not weird and suspicious tags time >> they both looked so lovely in these outfits. Pretty in pink indeed 🌸

[evgar]

i was just drawing abigail smoking, don't know what happened

#i do know what happened #i'm sick in the head about them that's what #they make me feel so many things i cannot put it into words #just imagine me barking all the time #i keep doing silly sketches instead of working on the actual detailed and super cool piece im working on im so sorry #sadigail #sadie adler #abigail roberts #abigail marston #rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 fanart #evgarart #my art #gunslinger abigail

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner