#i have more if y'all want em c:

[calaveritos]

;-;

#man oh man i am so sick and tired of working for a c-vid call center #every fucking time there's a holiday the next week is just flooded with calls from people who are sick #bc no one really gives a shit anymore #and then my stupid little team who is now underfunded #understaffed #and under resourced #has to deal with all these damn people #and like i can't even blame em??? we're encouraged to go out and not give a shit anymore #all the while every fucking safety net we have is being stripped away #i'm so tired yall #it's very nice that y'all can forget about covid whenever you want to #i wish the frustration with covid was directed at a the need for more assistance and not the need to reopen society #v tired

[starluvsx]

★𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭

𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𖦹 𝐏!𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤

proofread:YUPPP

word count:1.4K

WARNINGS:swearing?thats rlly it

A/N:i wanna do more headannons and stuff like this.this was rlly cute and fun to write.also I look wish the baby project was like a thing at my school but we don't even got working lights in some of the bathrooms soooo.

nick

you guys turned to each other as soon as the teacher said you could choose parameters

y'all were so convinced you would be great at taking care of the kid

you were wrong

You guys didn’t know you were supposed to change the baby until one of your friends told you

the first night nick took the baby too his house and left it on the kitchen table for six hours

he didn't realize he left it there till his mom came home from work and heard crying

you left it in your backpack twice

people said you were starting to look like an actual mom because of how stressed you were over this robot baby

almost set the bay on fire then you guys were trying to make pancakes

"so then I told her I was like why the fuck would you-"you began before you realized neither of you had the baby.you looked around before seeing the babies head dangerously close to the fire coming from under the pan in the stove. "Nick oh my gosh!"you said as you shot up from your seat at the table, grabbing the plastic baby from the counter. “you almost killed her!"you dramatically said as you cradled the baby, touching it's now warm head lightly.you didn't let him touch the baby for the next 2 days.

"y/n I have to hold the baby eventually,I don't wanna fail."He tried to negotiate a few days later.

"only if you promise not to put my baby's head near an open flame again."you asked him to do while rocking the baby.

"bitch im not gonna burn your baby."he joked, making the two of you laugh.you then handed him the baby, still smiling at your best friend's stupid joke. as soon as the baby was in his arms though it began to cry and wail. "Actually you can have your baby back"he said before handing it back to you jokingly.his gesture made the both of you laugh even more.

you guys got a C+, partly because some of the babies' hair was a little burnt.

Matt

treated that baby as if it was real.

literally named it Issac

set timers for every time he had to feed it and change it

The baby had a built-in voice box to make him laugh so he loved to make it laugh and giggle.

wouldn't let the kid go

had to stay on the phone with you on the nights you kept the baby

like the whole night

there was one time where you forgot to feed the baby and he literally freaked out

on the last week of the project he realized he didn't wanna give the baby back

you were already done with it though

everyone at school said you guys were like actual parents by the end of it

you didn't even realize how attached he was to the baby until you walked in on him sleeping cuddled ups that the baby

your phone rang from inside your pocket.the gas station you worked at was empty at the moment so you didn't hesitate to answer it. "Matt" read the caller id, confusing you because he knew you were at work but you still picked it up nonetheless. "Hey baby."he said into the phone.

"hi matt, what’s up,i’m at working right now so I can't talk for long" you explained as you saw a car pull into the parking lot.the headlights standing out in the darkness

"Well i was just wondering if you wanted to come over after your shift, i got some snacks but nobody to share em with." he asked cheekily though the phone.the people from outside stepped into the gas stations mom and her daughter.you laughed at his slyness until faint baby cries in the background.

"Is that isaac?did you forget to feed him?''you asked worriedly through the phone.the mom and her daughter looked at you confused as your young face was talking, presumably, about her baby.

"No I just have to change him" he explained through the phone.shuffling could be heard from the other line before you could say anymore.matt letting out a dad like groan while getting up made you smile to yourself.

"ok yea i'll come over in a little, probably like 9:30, is that okay?"you asked through the

phone.he mumbled a small 'yea thats fine' before we said 'I love you's and 'goodbye's and hung up.the lady and her kid coming up to the register once I put my phone in my pocket.

later

I let myself into the house and was greeted with Mary Lou and Nick watching a movie in the living room. "Hey guys,"I said sweetly, smiling and waving at the pair. They greeted me the same way before I asked "is Matt in his room?"

"Mhm" Mary Lou hummed. I walked down the hall till I made it into his room.i knocked on the door before opening in slowly.i was met with matt sleeping soundly,plastic baby cuddled up to his chest.i giggled a little before taking out my phone to take a picture.

Once I snapped the picture I tapped him on the shoulder lightly to not scare him.he fluttered his eyes open and looked at me tiredly. "oh hey babe" he mumbled out while sitting up and looking around wearily. "Was I cuddling with the baby?" he asked,confused at the doll that was in his now unraveled arm.

"yea you were"I laughed out before moving the 'baby' and climbing into bed with him.

"I was wishing it was you"he said as he pulled closer to him.the little comment making me laugh lightly.

I turned my body to face him before asking "so where are the snacks?" which made him

reach over to his bedside table and grab some chips, candy and 2 sodas.

"right here"he said while smiling and kissing me on the cheek.

you guys got an a+ on the project and your teacher even said you would be “perfect parents one day"

Chris

he actually asked you to be his partner instead of it being the other way around

It was way more stressful than you guys thought it would be

First you guys lost the bottle for a whole day

Literally looked up and down to find it but you just actually could not.

Turns out Chris left it in his locker

He def posts pictures of him and the baby with captions and stuff saying “ me and @youruser babyyyy” and “I think she looks more like me but idk” on instagram and snap

Was actually a very good parent despite thinking he wouldn't be

Dropped the baby like twice though

He also bought like little clothes for the baby so she wasn’t just walking around nakedly

you were so confused when he brought them home

when he would play video games you would tease him and ask him to "not swear in front of the child"

both of you ended up very emotionally attached to the kid

was very committed to being an actual dad after the fact

you guys were tired.watching a movie in chris' bed after a long day at school wasn't the best idea for staying awake.but while you were very tapped into the movie, you could also simultaneously feel his eyes boring into you.you didn't know why but also didn't think much of it.he's always been a bit of a starer.

you decided to continue focusing on the movie until it was abruptly paused. "hey why'd you do that?"you questioned.looking over at the boy who had been looking at you most of the night.

"Wanna have a kid?"he asked.the question leaving you stunned and confused at the sudden idea.kids had always been a possibility in both of your minds but it never something that could manifest into a real physical thing.

"Right now, like at this age?"you asked him to clarify.

"well now, in a years, five years, i don't really care"chris answered

"definitely not now, maybe when we're older with a house, a steady paycheck and you know, a high school diploma."you attempted to explain.

"I can't wait that longggg."he whined

"Well I definitely can,"you sassed. "Now turn the movie back on, I wanna see how this ends."

"probably with them having a baby."he joked under his breath as he reached for the remote to do what you asked

"chris you've seen this movie before you know how it ends"

#sturniolo triplets #influencers #x reader #youtube #celebrity #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #fluff #cute #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris surniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolos

[whysojiminimnida]

Remember When I Said Taehyung Might Not Be As Gay As We Thought?

Don't judge a man by his milfy wardrobe, he looks goooood.

It was... awhile ago. Maybe as far back as 2021 although I do not feel like link-searching it. It's in the archives if I didn't kill it.

Granted, there was a lot going on, then. There's still a lot going on and until now I had no desire to ever - EVER - return to this hellsite. Because Taekookers are fucking weird, yo. And some of y'all got a lil bit up in my shit too as I (fuzzily) recall. Which: it's whatever. I'm extremely unsocial, don't even answer my own DMs. And it's not personal, so I get it. I don't need or want to defend myself, but I will protect people I care about. With my absence, if necessary.

OT: I also totally kicked the big C while I've been out so that was nice. Yoongi the cat is pleased that his noms will continue uninterrupted. I will be in wigs for at least another year. It's all good. Oh LOOK at what we have here. Don't come at me for publishing this, I will explain.

I got it from actual media days ago, okay, and also: there was no expectation of real privacy. Keep reading. Or don't, I'm not telling you what to do.

ANYWAY. I had to come back, mainly to say TAENNIE IS REAL I TOLD Y'ALL IDK WHY NOBODY EVER BELIEVES ME BUT HERE WE ARE. I'm gloating. Honestly, it's so rude, I'd apologize if I cared. But I am rude and snorfling into my cheerios about this. Tae just made me so damn happy, is all.

LET THE MAN BE BI OR HETEROFLEXIBLE OR EVEN STRAIGHT IDC. Jennie clearly makes him happy. Look at his "I'm going to Paris to see my girlfriend" face!

And in that very specific jewelry look, no less. Foundrae. Again. Still. Hm.

Here's what I can tell you based on my limited third hand no sources no receipts this is probably utter bullshit usual disclaimer: It's a soft open, kids. This whole "oopsie we just so happened to get caught taking a lil walk in public with our managers in tow during which date at least one of us signed several autographs, what a surprise" is in fact a soft open for what will likely be a public confirmation PRETTY DAMN SOON. It might happen before I get this thing published, actually, depending on when I get it up. If it's before May 22 at noon my time, no idea. If after, well. Guess we'll see. Jennie's supposed to show up at the screening of HBO's The Idol that day, screening at the Grand Lumiere at 10:30 CEST. One wonders if she will arrive alone, or bring a plus one. It's a big ask, and if he does it they're probably getting married, that's how big a deal it would be. So I'm not holding my breath, but.

This seems like a reasonable prospect for a plus-one viewing. Might not be the only one but... Jennie's IN IT so.

I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. I think it would be a fucking POWER move if it did, but I also do not necessarily expect that it will. It COULD. It... MIGHT. It might not. Either way they're a thing, I'm telling you. They are, have been, a thing. For awhile. And it is apparently quite serious - like up to and including talk of engagement serious.

Remember when a bunch of folk thought that one gummy bear dude was going to jail for "hacking" Jennie's phone only there's been no actual movement on any "investigation"? Yeah. Trickle truthing, they call it. Give 'em a little bit, let them deny it and yell and chew on it for awhile before you give 'em a little more. But c'mon, nobody's wearing half the love-themed couple pieces at Foundrae for no damn reason.

Seriously they got the whole collection almost and both have been seen wearing them almost exclusively. For a year.See airport pic above.

Look, I don't have inside info on Taehyung. I do not. I ain't hang with his friends and I don't know him personally. Never met the guy. But I know a PR move when I see one and this is exactly that.

We all know how toxic stan culture can be. Some ToadlicKKers (and a few of us house elves) are certifiably bonkers, if stan twitter is anything to go by. And the guys, the company, they expect a whole meltdown. They know this is not gonna make half their fans happy. I mean the tkkers have a point in that it looks like they wanted to be seen. BECAUSE IT'S A SOFT OPEN. What Taejen/Taennie/Jenhyung and the companies also know is that based on historic shipper behavior, this is gonna come back on Jimin, Jungkook, maybe Rose' and Lisa. And by extension, the other members. Maybe not as much due to their respective distance, but still. I bet by the time I finish this it will have already started.

Oh look there it is. Fuck those bitches, really.

Good LORDT. I'm not adding the audio, if y'all are that hungry for psycho hose beast Jimin hate hie thee to stan twt.

But, totally off-topic kinda...

... wouldn't it be cool if Jennie, who speaks great English, was hanging out with Troye Sivan and was like "so you know my boyfriend tells me that his bffs..." I'M JUST SAYING NETWORKING IS COOL AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS GET THINGS DONE OKAY.

You know that girl has the scoop. If Tae knows it, she knows it. Oh heeeeyyy Troye.

Also OT: I love that Taekook have been hanging out a little more lately. It's refreshing. I genuinely think having Jennie in his life has been good for Tae in several ways. And you know, I'm kinda surprised Taennie has lasted this long. I didn't honestly think they would. It warms my decrepit, sad old heart a bit. Turns out I have a lot more to say so IDK IDK, if I feel okay about it I might be back. Right now I'm just waiting for the official Taennie nod and the continued total meltdown.

#oh shit here we go again #taennie #stan twt #cannes #taehyung #kim taehyung #jennie #meanwhile the jeon parks continue unabated but that's another thing #tae in paris #random troye sivan #cannes 2023 #yoongi the cat not the man #why the hell am i even here

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

IZZY HANDS FIC RECS! (I want em', I've got em')

What is everyone reading in OFMD fandom right now?

I am currently mostly caught up on my 'to read list' and YALL. I'd love more recomendations!! I will take ANYTHING! I will read ANYTHING!

I'd love to start a chat, so I'd love y'all to leave something you've read recently down below!

I've also added some tasty ones I've read recently down below separated by ship! THEY ARE AMAZING!

Frenchie/Izzy:

The Poetry of Flowers: By Aletea [Rated:Teen. Complete]

Frenchie falls hard and fast. It takes Izzy a little while longer to catch up. This is the slow courtship of Izzy Hands, using flowers.

This fic was written for OFMD Aro/Ace Week 2024.

[Personal notes: OMG-It's so *GOOD*. This has a bit of S2, but mostly takes place post S2, if that tempts you, READ IT. This got me back into the hobby Frenchie does in the fic and AHHH]

you steal my breath away: By ChangeTheCircumstances [Rated: Mature. Complete]

Something is clearly off about Izzy, but when Frenchie sees him petting a cat, it finally clicks. Izzy is a fucking witch! In order to protect the crew, Frenchie makes the next obvious step in logic: he has to kill him.

[Personal notes: I feel this one is just 'if you like Frenchie/Izzy, you've READ THIS- but it's so earnest! SOLID fic the 'realizations' on both ends are really amazing and well written, reread it if you have]

Warnings from the Bottom of My Heart: By scrunglebungus [Rated: Teen. Complete]

Izzy likes Frenchie's voice. He appreciates his music and his long pretty fingers as they move across his Lute. He doesn't have a crush. He DOESN'T.

...and if he did, it's not like he's obvious about it.

(Spoiler: He is) AKA: 5 times Izzy is given the shovel talk + 1 time it's given on his behalf

[An alternate S2 fic written before S2! It leans a bit more 'Izzy needs to redeem himself' than I usually read, but all the Izzy & Crew interactions are SO in character it's scary. That and the Captains are so well realized on top of Izzy and Frenchie being great. LOVE IT]

Roach/Izzy:

Take Up Thy Stethoscope And Walk: bongbingbong [Rated:Mature. Complete]

Of Roach, the scientist - although, that those ghoulish practices he carries out should be called science is a subject on which some might disagree - I feel like I should speak with extreme terror. In laying down those events which transpired during that winter in the turning over of our century, it seems as though on paper they create an impression of little more than a tawdry tale, a freak show in writing for the morbidly curious. It’s no question that I spent a great deal of that time afraid for my life, and for my soul. And yet, I tell you - I have never felt quite so alive as I did during the days I have spent living in the graveyard.

I wonder what this might say about me. What a pair we make.

Izzy Hands dies. Roach brings him back to life. This is the easiest part of the process.

Written for the OFMD Reverse Big Bang 2023, with art from Tarouofthesea!

[Omg. OMFG. I love this fic. I love this Frankenstein'ian/Reanimator fic SO MUCH. It is just SOOOOOOO-! AMAZING characterization, stunning art, the way everything pays off plot/reference-wise! LOVE IT!]

Blackbeard's Roach: bongbingbong [Rated: Teen. Unfinished. 4/6]

What if Roach had ended up on the Queen Anne's Revenge before the events of the show?

(A alternative universe Roach who wears leather and cooks for Blackbeard's crew, and flirts outrageously with their first mate)

[ANOTHER bongbingbong Roach/Izzy fic!!! I love the way bongbingbong writes Roach/Izzy. It's not finished, but I am SO excited to see how it goes! In this one, even though it's unfinished, I feel it GETS the pre-Bonnet life Izzy lived on the Queen Anne. If you like probably autistic Izzy, READ THIS! That, and Roach and Izzy's relationship is SO GOOD. I won't spoil it, but the mutual trust is really strong!]

Stede/Izzy:

The Mount: rainingrenee [Explicit. Complete (WLW smut<3)]

Stede Bonnet enters the Revenge self defence class expecting to learn something.

She meets instructor Butch Dyke Supreme Izzy Hands and gets more than she bargained for.

[God. I love women. This smutty 8k fic is AMAZING and honestly any WLW in this fandom needs some love!]

When It Takes Hold: krill collins (krillcollins)[Explicit: 5/12]

Izzy Hands, a 90s heartthrob turned casting director with an impressively average back catalogue, never foresaw his career trajectory bringing him back to television. He certainly never would've guessed that his big return would be on Strictly Come Dancing. At least it breaks the monotony, even if he's paired with the insufferable twat, the Gentleman of the Ballroom.

It's the kind of fast-paced environment that Izzy was sure he'd long-since grown out of, and he's sure he's not going to make it past the first few weeks. Still, the more he finds himself enjoying it, the more he hopes he'll stay, and he finds himself more in love with life than he's been in years.

Still, the talk of the curse puts Izzy on edge. Bonnet is strangely captivating and seems more interested in Izzy than Edward has in years. Izzy may not believe in them, but that's the thing about curses: once they take hold...

[OMG. OMFG?!?!? Do you know how much I love 'Dancing with the Stars' AU? NO? Well. For every fandom I enter, my first tags I search are 'time loop' 'time travel' and 'dancing'. This fic is EVERYTHING I love about the trope. I have been following this fic from Day 1 and OMG. I love it. Can't recommend it enough]

The Island: triedunture [Explicit: 10/? Updates every Friday-SteddyHands but Izzy/Stede focused]

Stede Bonnet wakes up in the little cottage he and Ed share—except Ed's not there. Izzy is. Stede is somehow stuck in a world where Ed died and Izzy lived. As he struggles to get back to his real life, it becomes clear that things on the island are very different from what he first assumed....

Updates every Friday.

[A fic that, if the premise sounds cool-READ IT! It's a bit out there concept wise, but SO fun, and a great look at how Stede and Izzy interact in a 'do I want him' type of relationship. This fic has been my weekly bed time story, and I can't wait to see how the drama UNFOLDS!]

#izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #fic rec #fic rec ofmd #steddyhands #stizzy #rizzy #ouizzy

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

NSFW Alphabet Arthur Morgan

Okay! This was requested from an anon user but I've wanted to do one for a while!

Keep in mind this is NOT modern Arthur, it's regular old 1899 Arthur, and I know there's been multiple of these made but like I wanna do my take on it lmao, so I hope y'all enjoy it! I had to look up the alphabet for this lmao, I forgot what each letter stood for what

Uh, also each letter is probs gonna be kinda long so this is gonna be a long ass post lmao

So!

Warnings!: Obviously NSFW, and I mean, talk of all and anything nsfw

Tags!: @photo1030 @kieropal @mrsarthurmorgan7 @6kaja9 @pcotarelo @cantchoosejust1

Let's go y'all!

A= Aftercare (What They're like after sex): Arthur is a very cuddly man, I mean, he won't admit it to anyone but you, he's very affectionate, he'll be affectionate with you in camp in front of everyone, but if someone DARES point it out he refuses and gives them a glare to send them running. Therefore, after sex he's the most gentle person ever, he cleans you up, gives you water, asks if you want one of his shirts or if you want to stay nude, and he cuddles with you, unless you don't want that, but his initial idea is to cuddle.

B= Body Part (their favorite of theirs and their partner): Arthur loves your thighs, first off, he loves to squeeze them, have his head between them, hold them, slap 'em anything that has to do with your thighs, he's all over them. They are his absolute favorite thing. He's totally an ass-thigh man. Now, his favorite body part of his is his arms and hands I think. His forearms especially are very defined, and he knows you look at them all the time, so they're def his favorite, mainly because they rile you up.

C=Cum (Anything to do with it y'all): Let's be honest here, Arthur is a big man, and he's got....a big...you know, so he's got....storage, to say the least. I feel like he's got a big load, regardless as to if you did it with him just last night or not. But especially if he hasn't been with you in like a week. Then it's even worse, and he always apologizes cause he knows its a lot but lets be honest you're probably a cumslut.

D=Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of his) : Arthur doesn't like to tell you that he likes his hands tied up, but when you offer it he gets a hard on he can't explain. He loves to watch you wrap rope around his wrists and pull it tight while you look him in the eye. Sometimes if you aren't around he holds his wrists together and places them between his thighs to try an emulate them being tied together.

E=Experience (How experienced are they?) : Let's be honest here, it's Arthur, he was made 'a man' by getting it on in a whore house, and I feel like when he was younger and much more pubescent he probably went there quite frequently. That man knows what he's doing and he loves to make you squirm

F=Favorite Position (I mean...you know): Arthur is...I mean he's kinda vanilla, but not really, He loves missionary, he gets to see your face, he gets to kiss you, see how you react to his touch, and he feels a lot closer to you that way, but he also LOVES to take you from behind, your back to his chest, sitting on his lap as he thrusts up. He can't choose between the two if you ask him which he likes better.

G=Goofy (Are they serious or funny in the moment?): Arthur is a bit of both, he's serious, mainly because he doesn't want you to think that this is a joke for him, he loves you and doing this with you is important to him, but he's also comfortable with you, so he loves to joke and laugh with you. He'll smirk at you, and make you laugh, but right after you laugh he'll make you scream.

H=Hair (How well groomed are they, color??): I feel like Arthur, even though he's very much a hairy man, doesn't grow an obnoxious amount down there, but when he does grow an abundance he's quick to shave it to a manageable amount, it's easier to keep clean, and it's more comfortable, it's too itchy otherwise. It's pretty much the exact same color of his beard and chest hair.

I=Intimacy (How are they in the moment?): Arthur is a romantic at heart, let's be real. He loves all that sappy shit, he loves to make you blush, become a puddle in his hand, but, he also can be rough, so it really depends on the moment, he might sweep you off your feet, or he might come up to you and kiss you deeply before bending you over any flat surface he can find.

J=Jack Off (I mean, come on, you know, this one's my favorite lmao): I feel like Arthur used to do it a lot, mainly just because he needed to get the energy out, not because it was something he wanted to do, but because he got tired of having to adjust himself in his pants. But when you come along it's a different story entirely, now he does it because he HAS to, he thinks about you every time he does it. If you catch him doing it he'll just stare at you breathing heavily while he continues to do it.

K=Kinks (One or more of their kinks): Arthur may be kinda vanilla but...he's got his ideas....He loves thigh riding for one thing, and he wants you to do it in camp in front of everyone, and try not to get caught. He loves to tie you up too, as much as he likes his wrists tied up, he loves yours tied up more, having control over you is something he loves. He's also got an auditory thing, your sounds are something that gets him riled up so easily. Hell, you breathing in the right way would get him ready to go.

L=Location (Favorite places): He likes to take you into a hotel, just because it's more private, but it's not his favorite, not by a long shot. He LOVES having you in camp, watching your face contort as you try not to make sounds, its a game to him, to see how loud he can get you, though he does always feel bad when Abigail stares at him the next morning. He loves to do it in the woods with you too, primal, raw, he feels so fucking amazing when the two of you just can't handle waiting that long so you HAVE to do it in the woods

M=Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): Like I said, he's a huge auditory man, but I think there's a lot of things that get him going. He doesn't mind someone who isn't very action oriented but if you are action oriented he absolutely gets hard watching you do the simplest things. Loading your gun? He's fucking solid. CLEANING your gun? He needs new pants. He likes to watch you do chores too, bending down, he just loves to watch it. Your voice really gets to him too.

N=NO (Something he won't do): He's not a fan of like, HARDCORE degradation. He's fine calling you his slut, his whore, but he won't call you a bitch, or something like that, and he won't like call you a failure or some shit, he hates that, and he physically feels a little sick at the idea of saying something like that to someone he loves. He refuses to do any kind of roleplay that emulates non consent too, he just doesn't feel right doing that.

O=Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill): Jesus christ, he loves to give. LOVES to give, his hands wrapped around your thighs while you squeeze his head between them and have your hand tangled in his hair while he looks up at you, it's his FAVORITE THING. He likes when you return the favor of course, and he loves the tears and spit that stream down your face but it's nothing in comparison to giving to you, and he is absolutely fantastic at it, he knows EXACTLY where everything is.

P=pace (How fast are they?): He's a mix, as I've mentioned. He's usually slow and sensual, and builds a kind of average pace, enough to make you feel good and feel loved all at once, but if he's had a bad day and needs to relax, or if you ask him because he DOES love this too, he's fast and hard, hitting your ass with his hips roughly, but in the BEST possible way.

Q=Quickies (Opinions on them and how often they happen): He actually really likes quickies. Not as much as actual proper sex, but he does like them. He can't keep his hands off you, he loves physical touch, and you turn him on literally so much, so if the two of you don't have much time and he happens to be hard he's def gonna suggest it, and then totally make up for it later that night with a much longer round.

R=risk (Are they willing to experiment?): Arthur isn't really opposed to anything, he's willing to try anything that you find exciting, like if there's something you're specifically interested in he'd love to try it if it means that you'll have a good time. If he doesn't like it then he'll tell you an apologize that he probably wouldn't like to do it again, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't try something else with you. Hell if he ends up liking it he might ask you if you can do it again more than you do.

S=Stamina (How long can they go for): At first Arthur hasn't been with anyone for a VERY long time, so he's not really got much stamina built up, so for a little while he asks you to be patient with him while he builds it up, because he's very quick to finish at first, but the longer the two of you are together the longer he can go, honestly you'll end up tapping out before he does.

T=Toy (Do they own toys? Use them?): Considering it's 1899 there's not many toys available, but I don't think he'd be the type even if there were a lot. He seems very much like a hands on type of guy, but again he isn't against trying anything new, so if you wanted to he'd definitely give it a chance.

U=Unfair (How much do they like to tease?): Arthur is such a goddamn tease. He literally will tease you all day long, come up behind you put his arm around your waist and whisper with that voice of his in your ear, call you his good girl/good boy and tell you exactly what he's gonna do to you later, and then he won't even kiss you before he walks away. He'll do that, and anything he knows you love. Flex his forearms when he knows you're watching, stretch and expose that little bit of skin under his shirt, it's literally his favorite thing to rile you up so you're good and ready when he wants you.

V=Volume (How loud they are what sounds they make): Arthur is very much a groaner. He groans and cusses under his breath, moans but very rarely, sometimes the sounds come out as nearly a growl, but its fucking hot as hell. It's not very loud, usually it's under his breath, but depending on the situation, and depending on where you guys are and how long it's been since the last time y'all were together he'll be loud. Saying things like "Jesus fuckin' christ girl/boy" He can't help it.

W=Wild card (Random headcannon for this character): He loves to look John in the eye and then whistle/ call your nickname and slap his thigh for you to take a seat. John struggles to be as suave as he is, and he hasn't been able to get to Abigail on that level yet, so Arthur loves to be a cocky bastard about it.

X=X-ray (What is going on in those pants??) Ok so, you guys have seen how Arthur walks. Yeah, part of that is def because he rides horses all the time and he's got a little bit of that swagger ego, but that bitch is carrying around a big dick too, like I think he's a bit bigger than average, at least 6.5 to 7, and it's pretty girthy too. Honestly a very pretty dick and nice balls.

Y=Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): Like I said, he hasn't been with anyone in a while, so when he gets with you it's like his sex drive skyrockets because he's with someone who loves him, and who he finds incredibly attractive, so it literally gets SO HIGH. He's almost always trying to get with you, he like cannot get enough of you.

Z=ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards): Arthur may have a lot of stamina after being with you for a while but when he winds down, he winds down. He'll take care of you, get you water, a shirt if you want it, clean you up, and then cuddle with you, but more than likely after five minutes or so of you tracing circles on his chest or playing with his hair he's OUT. Like snoring out, an arm around your waist and the other hanging off the edge of the cot.

Y'all this was so fun and I swear if this gets guidelines I'll have to fight tumblr

#rdr2 smut #rdr2 #arthur morgan rdr2 #red dead characters #red ded redemption 2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan smut

[kenny-the-ken]

Y O U + M E |Pt 3|

A LOT OF WARNINGS WITH THIS ONE!!!! ALL AGED UP CHARACTERS AND IN HIGH SCHOOL/COLLEGE!! Loosely based on the Netflix show YOU, if y'all have seen it,,, then you know what Kenny's gonna do. If you haven't seen it,,, strap yourselves in, it's a lot!! Yandre Kenny, strong language, sexual content, violence, mentions of blood, gore, stalking, obsession and narcissistic thinking, so please beware!! I warned y'all!!

ALSO!!! A lot of this fic is written as Kenny's internal monologue and from his perspective so bare that in mind!!

Spring break. The literal bane of my existence. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love parties, I've taken more drugs than most people I know, excluding my parents of course, but Spring Break in the US was known for crazy parties, girls half naked in bikinis, guys chugging 2% alcohol content beers thinking that they're the shit, and copious amounts of drugs.

I don't care about any of that though, no, not at all, which you may be extremely shocked to hear, the only thing I cared about was, what were you doing for spring break?

Were you going to any parties? Were you meeting any friends, old or new? Were you planning to show yourself off in a tiny bikini, not that I'm complaining, but I'd rather see you like that alone, without other men's wondering eyes glaring at you as if you're a piece of meat. I can promise you y/n, that would not end well for anyone involved.

I had texted you this morning, like we do every morning. We fucked but after that it felt like we drifted apart. Or rather, you drifted from me. So here I sit, in my bathroom, cock in hand with my face buried in your used panties that I'd stolen from a while back, I assumed you didn't miss them much, and anyway, they were currently in use.

I'd give anything for another taste, your lips were soft, plumped, and oh so red from how aggressive I can be, your h/c cascaded perfectly down your back, and your breasts.

"Fuck." I knew thinking about you like this would make me cum faster, and that's exactly what I wanted, for reasons you'll find out soon enough.

Your pierced nipples and how perfectly shaped they were, your ass was round and perfect for slapping when you needed taught a lesson. Your hips were perfect for gripping, and oh how I'd grip your hips and fuck myself deeper and deeper and shit.

And just like that, here I am, hand covered in my own jizz, cock twitching between my legs and your panties still in my hand.

I have a box, I keep it under lock and key behind my wardrobe, just some little souvenirs, your panties, some nude Polaroids I'd found of you in your bedroom. Oh yeah, and one of Clyde's teeth. Just to remember him by.

You see, although we weren't dating, that didn't mean that you weren't in need of protection, you see, I'd overheard Clyde chatting to Jimmy about how he was thinking of asking you on a date. Now, I've known Clyde for a long time, he uses women like they're nothing, fucks 'em, leaves 'em.

What did you expect me to do? I mean, I did this for you! He was going to take advantage of your kindness and use you for his own sexual gratification and desires and then throw you away like you're worthless, and you are far from worthless. I'd kiss your feet as you walked the earth if you'd let me, oh how I'd worship you, like you deserve to be.

It wasn't too hard to kill Clyde, you see, when you've been known as a fuck boy before, which I unfortunately have been, other fuck boys, they tend to trust you more. So Clyde was pretty easy to reel in. I told him the truth, how I was working on an English project with you and I fucked you in your bedroom, and Clyde was all over that shit like a dog on heat. He was so focussed on what he was planning to text to you, obviously with my keen eye proof reading it for him, he was too distracted to notice me coming behind him with a brick. He only realised just as it was too late, sorry dude, your skull's caved in.

We needn't worry about the details of where his body is, let's just say... I've taken care of it. And tonight was our date, and also the first night of spring break, I would ask you what you were up to, and of course I wouldn't demand to come, unless you chose to invite me, no, I would just hang out in background, you won't even notice that I'm there. And I dare anyone to try anything, they would be dead men walking.

It didn't take long for the time of our date to roll around, and I stood on your doorstep, politely knocking on your door a few times, before smiling as the door cracked open.

You were breathtaking. I'd worked my ass off at City Wok to be able to afford to take you out to dinner, and my god, no food could ever look as delicious as you looked right now. Your tits, your hips, your ass, your legs, your hair, your face, everything! We were destined to be together, and when you smiled back at me I swore my heart swole in my chest.

"Hey, Kenny. You ready to go?" You asked, pulling your leather jacket on over your short, black dress that was showing off way too much cleavage for me to control myself for the entire evening, god I'd take you right here right now if I could.

"I was born ready, baby. I got these for you." I replied, bowing to you and holding out a small bouquet of flowers, your hand clutching your chest, and a gasp leaving your red stained lips.

"They're beautiful, Ken! Oh you shouldn't have! I'll just go get these into a vase, please come in." You spoke like an angel, and who was I to say no to an invitation into your home?

"I wanted to. I really do mean what I said last time, I've had my eye on you from you moved here, y/n, and you're different than those other girls, you're special, I can tell." You cheeks were flushed which meant that my charm was working. You'd be mine soon, and as much as I wanted to show you off to the world, I also wanted to hide you from it, so no one would dare to try and steal what's rightfully mine, or they'd end up like Clyde. Buried in the middle of fuck knows where.

"Had your eye on me? Not a little stalker are you, McCormick?" You joked, and I hoped it was a joke, you were laughing and so was I, so that was a good sign.

"Not at all! I mean, how could my eyes not go to you when you walk past me? I mean, look at you!" And slinging my arms round your hips would surely make you see that I was nothing but a pure gentleman.

"You're such a flirt, Kenny." God the way you looked at me, it was no surprise that to me that you'd stolen my heart, god the things I would do to you, the things I would do for you, oh they were criminal, but in this moment as I stood staring into your perfect e/c eyes, I couldn't care if my crimes caught up with me, I mean, getting away with it would be easy, trust me, I'm not that stupid.

Around two hours had passed and so far, our date seemed to be going perfectly, you were laughing at my jokes, I flirted, and you flirted right back, you'd told me about a huge spring break party at Tolken's house, you'd asked me to be your plus one, of course I'd gratefully accept, I needed to keep you safe, you even took my hand within your own when we were leaving the restaurant, my plan was working a charm, and you'd invited me in to your house for a quick night cap, no doubt I'd be staying the night.

And when you led me to your bedroom wearing nothing but some skimpy lingerie, I knew that your panties that were in my safe would be getting a much needed night off from being pressed against my face.

You were on top of me, grinding on me, fuck you were so needy, and my cock was growing by the second, I couldn't help but groan and pull your hips down against my own.

I'd swapped the positions, and now you lay beneath me, I'd left dozens of hickeys all over your neck, your breasts, your stomach, thighs, and now I was going to taste your sweet cunt again, god I couldn't wait, it had been too long from I'd tasted you, had my tongue inside you, claiming your insides, god I was starved, and I couldn't wait any longer, and just as I pressed a closed mouth kiss against your parted lips, your fucking phone rang.

"Ignore it. Don't answer." I ordered, my tongue lapping up your wetness, a moan coming from your lips as your phone started ringing again, and of course, being the kind person that you are, you answered.

And this couldn't have been a worse time, your face was worried, and you moved my head from where I wanted desperately to be for the past week, it was your mother.

Drug overdose, she was in hospital and you had to be there to take care of her, not that she ever did the same for you. No, you'd told me previously that our lives were similar in a lot of ways, and that's where my need to protect you came from. You were like a delicate flower awaiting to bloom, but others put you in the dark, stopped you ever from doing so, from ever reaching your full potential, but I was here now. I was going to care for you, I'd put you in the sun and give you all the love and support I could, the perfect partner, a soul mate some may say.

And as you hurried to pull your sweatpants and T-shirt on to your small frame, tears welling in the corners of your eyes, you gave me a hug, whispering sweet apologies, and I offered to come with you, which you declined. And I understood why, I hated people meeting my parents, seeing my sorry excuse of a home, fitted with built in meth lab in the garden. You were embarrassed, ashamed of your drug addict mother, and I felt that pain, I knew it personally. I was strong enough to deal with it, but you darling, you're too fragile, far too good to be feeling that way, and by god would I protect you from anything.

I'm so sorry to say this baby, your mother will never get clean, she's never been clean your entire life, it truly is a miracle that she's lasted this long. I'd be doing you and everyone else a favour. You'd told me this wasn't the first overdose she'd had, and every one made you feel the same way, like you were the parent, like you were at fault, you didn't keep an attentive enough eye on her, the pain you were feeling was soul destroying, not just for you, but for me too! How dare that woman who brought you into this world make you feel so awful, how dare she cause you pain and misery, if she died it would mean she couldn't cause any more of that, sure you'd be sad, but you'd realise in time that life was better without having to worry every time you left the house if you would come back to your mother, her skin blue and covered in her own vomit, which she choked on in her drug idled state.

And I would care for you, I'd be your shoulder to cry on, your support network, your lover and your boyfriend all tied into one, the whole package, you'd fall straight into my lap and I swear, I'd never ever let you go.

I'm sorry hunny, but your mother needs to be dealt with, and it would be easier than you'd think, one bad batch could wipe out hundreds of drug addicts, and besides, it's not as if I'd never used this method before. My parents died of an 'overdose', well, at least that's what the coroner's report said on the matter, Karen was put into my care, and the home was given to us, and life had been so much happier from I did my whole family a favour and took them out of the equation, and I know you will feel the same, in time at least.

As I drove you to the hospital you told me about your childhood. How you'd been in foster care, then your mother cleaned her act up and for a long time she was stable and in recovery, till she met some douchebag when you were ten, and she was back to using again, and your life had never been the same since.

When we pulled up outside the hospital, you hugged me tightly and kissed me twice, telling me that you'd text me later, and thanking me for the lovely evening, I assured you that this was to be the first of many of these delightful evenings, and even in the deepest depths of your pain, you still smiled at me.

I watched you till your figure disappeared inside the hospital, and I knew there and then what had to be done. I'm sorry baby, but your mother isn't good for you, she's not good for you, not good for us!

She had to go, and I had to be the one to kill her.

#kenny mccormick #kenny south park #kenny mccormick x reader #kenny mccormick smut #eric cartman #stan marsh #kyle brovlofski #kyle south park #south park #stan south park #south park smut #south park x reader #south park boys #fanfic #you netflix #yandere

[xstarlightxstarbrightx]

Zhongli headcanons

HI HELLO I'M BACK-- i finished my h/c list ages ago but then brainrot took over and i was caught between mini fic writing and schoolwork lmfao. anyway, zhongli's my precious lil mans and i must SCREAM abt him for a moment thank u.

current list: - FLUENT in the art of yapping. could weave a story abt a blade of grass, and y'all know bitches are listening. - i feel like most ppl are kinda intimidated by him. like regular average ppl look at him and are shaken by this sort of regal air he's got around him. - straightforward! he doesn't beat around the bush when he's got a point or needs something. this kinda thing also makes ppl more intimidated of him bc he's just very confident abt it. - WARM HANDS,,, - he gives me the vibes of a fidgeter. like he spins his rings on his thumbs, and will fiddle with the sleeves of his coat. like it's just a habit he picked up, and now he can't help but do it when his mind is wandering. - ON THE TOPIC OF FIDGETING: Guizhong's puzzle box. Zhongli's usually pretty good abt figuring things out when he's confronted w/ something confounding/confusing, but when he can't figure it out or it's a very hard thing to work through, i am CONVINCED that he fiddles with Guizhong's puzzle box. like it's sort of like him trying to solve her final question helps him solve the current Difficult Question he's faced with. absolutely probably fiddled w/ it when he was deciding what to do abt retirement. - this man LOVES antiques and art/music (he likes a lot of things tbh) and he will do anything to talk abt them. like he's probably one of the best antique appraisers, and has stories abt specific antiques he's seen before. as for opera and music and art, he just really appreciates their creativity! also sorry he would absolutely indulge in the art of calligraphy. - he hoards rocks. listen, he hoards them. he loves rocks, and when he finds a Perfect Rock, he just yoinks it (Perfect Rocks are hard to come by yk!!!). - he's usually very sweet and nice, and has a good attitude, but i'm PRETTY sure he's got a bit of pride to him yk. - listen,,, he was in a really long war and lost a lot of ppl he cared abt in the Archon War, and i'm like pretty sure he's got battle anxiety now bc of it. like he would MUCH prefer talking things out, but if push comes to shove he will still fight; he just tends to push himself to the front so that less people get hurt. he just REALLY wants to protect people, which makes him a little self-sacrificial (he's usually fine). he's also fucking PROTECTIVE as FUCK. - Zhongli has gold blood. not red blood, gold; i think this makes him more nervous around red blood bc it means to him that someone is hurt and he wasn't able to protect them. it's equated with Really Bad Things. - back to sad things, i'm 90% sure he's afraid of forgetting things due to erosion. he's always had a good memory, so the idea that he might one day have his memories eroded is one of his greatest fears. - i feel like all of his worries and concerns have turned him from a stern War God to a very gentle mans that will make u soup when ur sick. - Zhongli and Venti are the best of friends and he would deck that guy so hard if someone asked him to. Literally besties for the resties, they hate each other but someone fucks with one of em, the other's got his back. - Zhongli talks pretty, so ya know he's got That Sass that hits different. Like it's out of left field, and it probably doesn't register as a slight at first. sometimes it takes u a good hour before u realize he wasn't complimenting u and instead was calling u an idiot. - the definition of "curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back". literally exudes pure curiosity when he sees something he hasn't seen before. - he adores little gifts,,, like these small gestures would Never Be Noticed by anyone, except him, and he just thinks it's so fuckin sweet. - secretly a prankster. you Would Not Expect It from him, but that's what makes it so perfect. he's the PATIENT type of prankster, too; the one who moves the flower vase a cenimeter to the left every day over the course of a month type of patient.

HERE'S THE LIST, LOVE THIS MAN SO FUCKIN MUCH YALL plEASE,,, he's my pretty mans and i just foam at the mouth over him i s w e a r.

Up next is Neuvi, bc i love him, and then i'll be delving into the Very Specific Niche Ship i obsess over which is them as a poly.

#zhongli #genshin impact zhongli #zhongli headcanons #brain worms #genshin zhongli #look at this mans #he's so fucking cute #and precious #and also attractive as FUCK #i am absolutely feral #totally normal thoughts #he came home on my actual birthday too #which was just so good #literally the birthday luck meant i c2'd him in under 180 pulls #my one and only double five star being Qiqi and his C2

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Brothers in Arms: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Summary: You try one more time to get your dad to see how great of a man Spencer is but like before, it doesn’t go as well as you hope. Phoenix Arizona is dealing with a serial killer that is masquerading as gang members, but your team sees through the facade.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

The three men leave under Hotch's orders, and they made a big discovery. The bartender wasn't much help since he doesn't know who the unsub is since it could literally be anyone. Around these parts, Reese has all sorts of enemies. He was a real hard ass that was always looking to get into it with someone who he pissed off. According to pictures of Reese when he was killed, he took a lot of beatings that left him with a lot of bruises.

Still, the bartender is adamant that he didn't get them at the bar. According to him, Reese was in an underground fighting club. It's actually a perfect place for the unsub to try and prove himself worthy. A beating might have been the unsub's stressor.

Once the location of the fighting ring has been revealed, your entire team along with Evans and his men headed over there. A fight is currently going down but not for long.

"FBI! Get on the ground!" Derek yells when he enters. "Get on the ground! Don't move!"

Everyone gets down on the ground so that each officer is able to handcuff them, but one person doesn't get on the ground. He's actually pretty calm despite what's happening.

"We ain't breaking no laws here, Officer. Agents, no matter what it looks like--"

"I think he's trying to let us know they have a right to be idiots," Em scoffs.

"They do, but not here," Evan says. "Listen up, folks. This warehouse is not private property. It is owned by the city, which means y'all are going to jail."

"We ain't hurting nobody, except maybe each other," the man chuckles even though Evans is handcuffing him.

"Yeah, I feel you, but we're still taking you in."

"Unless you want to answer some questions and make all this go away," Derek quickly says.

"So ask me."

"Do you know this man?"

Rossi shows a picture of Reese, the bouncer to the man.

"Yeah. I heard what happened to him, but I didn't kill him."

"No, but someone who came here did."

"No way. Boom could take all of us."

"We're not looking for a tough guy," you say. "The man we're looking for probably lost every fight. He came in here trying to be a man but he failed. This guy went down easily, maybe even in his first fight. He probably reacted poorly to that to the point where you and your boys ridiculed him. This led him to pick up a gun."

"There was a guy. He called himself 'Animal'. He lost every fight but he kept coming back and getting in Boom's face, calling him out. When most guys lose big, they run home with their tail between their legs. This one freaked. There's something about that hand at your throat when you're beat. Knowing your opponent's got your whole life in his hand. It's primal, man."

"When he lingers, that's what he's doing to his victims," Rossi says to your team. "Proving his power over life and death."

"What's Animal's real name?"

"There are no names here. Just nicknames. Like me. I'm Beanie."

"Anything else you know about Animal?"

"Nothing. That's the way it works down here. We don't talk about it."

"What about a description?"

"Scrawny, white trash who thought he's a whole lot tougher than he is."

"Get him set up with a sketch artist," Derek says to Evans who escorts him out. "There's not a whole lot of choices left to do here. Based on his escalating timeline, this guy's about to strike again soon. I think there's really only one thing we can do."

Derek's bright idea is to call a press conference so that Hotch is ahead of this before the unsub can strike. The more people know about this, the more people will be on the lookout. Spencer is the only person who hung back,s o while Hotch is giving the press conference, the rest of the team heads back to the police department.

"Earlier today, the Phoenix police announced the suspect responsible for the deaths of five Phoenix officers had been caught. That is not the case. The killer is still at large. There have been quite a few mistakes made over the course of this case that could have been avoided. As a result of this, the FBI is officially taking charge of the investigation. We have established a tip line, and a sketch of the subject is being released to the press. We encourage anyone with any information about the shooter to contact us immediately."

Since you have a pretty good idea of who this man is, you have a working profile you know will help get him caught. Evans and Commander Marks gather everyone so they can hear what your team has to say.

"The man we're looking for is a narcissist desperate to prove his masculinity. He does this by going after high-risk targets like gang members and police officers. Because he's a narcissist, this unsub will be following the investigation closely."

"By pretending to take over the investigation, we've put ourselves above the local police, thus suggesting that we're tougher to take out. This issues the unsub a challenge that he won't be able to ignore.

"And painting a target directly on agent Hotchner's back," Rossi comments.

"All the attacks, with the exception of the last one, have taken place in the Twelve's territory. This is the unsub's hunting ground and he's unlikely to stray from it. Locations have multiple vanish points for the shooter, but limited access and exit routes for his victims. We'll be looking for a similar situation. This should happen very quickly."

"Don't forget," Rossi adds, "this guy managed to take out five cops by himself. He's smart and fearless. He won't be easy to take down."

"I got someone on the tip line," Jordan interrupts. "He says he knows where the unsub lives, and it fits the criteria."

She hands over a piece of paper of what the street and area look like, and Spencer takes it to compare it to the map.

"2717 Gelson Avenue. It's in the Twelve's territory, just off the main street. It looks like there's a series of smaller feeders and allies nearby. This could be it."

"Let's go," Evans says eagerly.

"Slow down, Lieutenant. He'll be expecting us--all of us. This is his last stand. He's going to want to make it count. What do you know about the area?" Hotch asks.

"It's rough with lots of dead-end streets and allies. There's a gas station a couple of blocks down, but that's about it."

Spencer gets Penelope on the phone and places her on speakerphone.

"Hey, Garcia? Can you get us a satellite image of 15th Avenue and Gelson?"

"Of course. Real-time satellite image shows not a whole heck of a lot. I've got a two-story apartment building with no activity of any kind and no cars out in front. Oh, there's a car down the street, but no heat registering so the engine must be cool. Satellite monitoring the last twelve hours is like library quiet. A truck and two cars left in the morning but nothing came in."

"Thank you, Garcia." Spencer moves the picture of the street Jordan brought in so everyone can see it on the table. "There's a major street in front on the east side, an ally, and two smaller streets to the north and south right here."

"Lieutenant, Commander, I need a sniper here and here," Hotch points. "Once they're set, the bulk of the squad cars can approach from the south, and the rest of us from the east very quietly. From this point forward, everybody goes in on foot. Y/N, you and I go in first. Rossi, Morgan, and Prentiss are behind us. Jordan, you and Reid stay here and work the tip line."

"Stay safe, my loves," Penelope says.

You're only with Hotch because you'd be able to feel where the unsub is if he's even here at all. Derek is the more viable choice to be with Hotch since they're both bulky and strong men, but you have what most don't.

However, even before entering, you didn't feel anyone inside much less the unsub. He's not here and an extensive search proves that. The Commander and Evans are disappointed, but you knew you'd get some false alarms. Still, this seems to be a good place to keep watch, so Commander Marks will have to put his guys on shifts watching the place in case Animal comes back to it.

You head back to the police station to come up with another plan, and you stretch as soon as you get out of the back seat. Hotch gets out of the driver's side just as the rest of the team heads for the front door. You look in the window of the car, and that's when every hair on the back of your neck stands up.

He's here. You can feel him. Hotch is the one who gave the press conference, and now Animal is going after Hotch.

"Hotch, he's here," you whisper so only he can hear you. "He's right behind us."

"Keep walking."

You and Hotch walk past the cars in the parking lot without looking back. Animal is following behind so he can get BHotch and escape, but you're not going to let it happen. There is a big van that you're passing by, but you use it as a diversion. As soon as you disappear behind it, you and Hotch quickly turn around. Animal looks on the other side but is confused when he doesn't see you and Hotch.

He turns to leave but you and Hotch are standing in his way. He goes to shoot, but Derek slams him into the car to prevent that. Since the real unsub is caught, Playboy can be let go. He's been innocent in this case all along, but you know it won't be the last time he's ever in this police department.

A press conference is called to announce the killer has been caught, so everyone is gathered outside to record it or watch it. Playboy stuck around for reasons you wish weren't. Animal is in handcuffs and is being transported from the police department to a prison, but Playboy has other plans.

It was his intention to make Animal pay for what he did to Bobby Q, and he shot him in front of everything. One shot to the chest and Animal died because of it. Playboy will be going to jail, but you know he doesn't care.

All you can think about is going home and relaxing in your bathtub with the nice bath salts Penelope got you. You and Spencer are at the plane again by yourselves as you two wait for everyone to get there. With the case out of your mind, you're forced to think about what happened with your parents.

"You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?" Spencer asks you.

"I'm really sorry, Spencer," you sigh shakily.

"For what?"

"For the way my dad is treating you. You don't deserve it. I should have never suggested this lunch in the first place. All I do is try to make him see what a wonderful guy you are, but he refuses to listen. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend for allowing this. I should be able to control my dad a little bit."

"No, don't feel that way. You're not a bad girlfriend, and you don't have to apologize."

"He's always acted this way with my other boyfriends but never to this extent. My mom wasn't much help either."

"Hasn't that always struck you as weird?"

"He's just being protective."

"I worry about you."

"I know you do, but there's no need to be. There's nothing going on with my parents. They're just old school."

You've been telling yourself that ever since you were a child, and you're going to continue telling yourself that. You've had a lot of problems in your life, but you're not going to make your parents one of them.

"...for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." - William Shakespeare

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fan fiction #criminal minds fan fic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst #criminal minds series rewrite #series rewrite #cm season 4 #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fan fic #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader

[dirtyoldmanhole]

@/damoselcastel was kind enough to show me a bunch of the FE:Fates visual works artbook pages the other day!

and because i am continuing to be .... brain rotted (lol) ... grabbed a copy since there was more than a few relevant pages/official artworks, and wanted to have a high res/color corrected version of these pages for art refs to slap on my reference boards! if i'm looking at them every day now for the past three months they better be accurate!!!

anyway! it came TODAY!!! :D :D pakidge

IT WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO COME UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH AAAAA

god dang this thing is THICK, now this is what i call a proper artbook! a little hard to see here but you can see by both the front and the spine that it's a chonker -- the two tellius artbooks combined are thicker but they're also a bit smaller elsewhere.

rest is under the cut b/c it's me promptly going feral :P

(and seeing who's on the spine ahhh!!! honestly that's really cool and super appropriate given his subtle plot/character relevance?! super fucking cool to keep seeing nintendo nod at him in symbolically relevant places, but not too overtly )

SPEAKING OF I SHIT YOU NOT GUESS WHICH SPREAD THIS THING FELL TO FIRST

I SHIT

YOU

NOT--

stone cold, swear to you, straight up didn't intend that but this was literally me irl then:

:')))))))))

(also HE GETS A WHOLE SPREAD???? and a turnaround?!!!!!! even freaking corrin's nohr noble design gets like an EIGHTH of the page

gunter gets treated SO WELL in this artbook i'm on the floor trying not to sob like i'm sixteen again and begging for any zihark scraps

also this is so much more high res than what's on my reference board the nitpicky artist in me is literally crying for joy about FINALLY HAVING A HIGH RES REFERENCEEEEEEEEEEE

also what the fuck the architecture is so cool???????????

THE WORLDBUILDING I AM WILDING

for real tho i remember my first conquest playthrough my jaw was on the FLOOR being genuinely amazed at how cool the worldbuilding was especially on the nohrian side with the gothic vibe and y'all don't know how useful this is going to be to replicate nohrian motifs in all of my drawings/probable comics/doujinshi/etc.

[foams at mouth]

this artbook also covers EVERYTHING

like there's a healthy amount of character work , but there's also enemy designs (always thought fate's enemy designs were unusually kickass, like some of these folks could be outright characters themselves), the architecture stuff above....

my room lines....

OH MY GOD THIS MEANS I HAVE A THIRD SET OF TRANSLATIONS I CAN CROSS REFERENCE TO FUCK YES

sorry for shitty blurriness it's just me vibrating in excitement lmao i'll upload it in the high res chunk

.....

hellooooo sir~~~~

(you knew i was going to be posting that shot >:D )

his possession CGI gets a full fucking page too ajlsjsjkskjhhjshjg

HE GETS TREATED SO GOOD HERE Y'ALL, SO MANY FULL PAGES???????????? is this what it's like to be brain rotted over a major character i will never know the feeling lul

(there's actually at least two other gunter fullbody artworks in here, those have already been scanned/uploaded properly by others so i won't post 'em here unless y'all want em!

and then lastly!

to finish it off, god this cover progress is so cool, kozaki knows what he's doing.

and i'm pretty sure gunter's linework gets changed halfway through, his expression's somewhat different than on the final! and i'll be posting that along with the other high res/cleaned up scans! just need to figure out if my scanner's gonna do a better job than my phone or vice versa.

[tries to stay composed] [fails]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

#meta

[mads-weasley]

Here With You

Lewis Nixon x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: Hey y'all! I've never written for Nix, but I wanted to try, so here it is! I hope you enjoy it! I do not own any of the rights to these characters.

Summary: During the liberation of Eindhoven, (y/n) and Lew finally share a sweet moment, but it is soon shattered by a drunken local with one thing on his mind.

Warnings: attempted assault, mentions of blood, fighting

(y/h/c) - your hair color

September 1944

The streets of Eindhoven were filled with celebrating Dutch, bright orange flags waving from every window. (Y/n) couldn't help but smile at the sight of a people who were under oppression for so long becoming a free town once again.

As she walked through the happy mob, she made sure to stay right with Lew and Dick.

"Can you believe this?" Nixon asked, looking around them in awe.

She smiled up at her husband. "It's crazy. I know."

Taking her hand, he sent a smirk her way, knowing no one would notice the couple amongst the chaos of the celebration.

Their intelligence had suggested that the Netherlands and Holland were nothing but old men and kids, but they were all wary to accept that. Once they were there, though, the men let their guards down and enjoyed the festivities the town provided.

Pushing through the crowds, people grabbed at them and kissed her cheek. A few even tried to kiss her straight on the lips but she managed to swerve them in time. She rolled her eyes and swatted Nix's arm when he whispered, "Is it my turn for a kiss?"

A few minutes later, a few children came running up to her, attaching themselves to her legs. They couldn't have been more than 5 years old. Dropping Lewis' hand, she crouched in front of them. Their wide toothy grins brought a wide smile to her face.

"Hi, there. My name is (y/n)."

Not responding, one of them reached out and gently pulled on her dog tags, while another pointed at her American flag patch.

"I'm an American soldier."

"Amer-can?" A small blonde boy asked, thick with his accent.

"Yes!" She exclaimed. "American."

Beaming, he put his hand up to his chest. "Finn."

"Hi, Finn," (y/n) whispered, holding out her hand to shake his tiny one.

Little did she know that above her, Nixon was watching on with soft eyes at the interaction. Watching her with the children warmed his heart to no end, and those moments were rare now that they were at war. When they did happen, most of the time they were because of his loving wife.

Even though he was standing in a crowd of people, he felt as if he, (y/n), and the kid were the only ones there. He couldn't help thinking back to the first time something like that had happened; when the world stopped spinning. It was the first time he'd laid eyes on her, and he would never forget it.

1939

"Dad, can I please just skip out on one party? I've been to too many. They're all the same. Ever-" A 21-year-old Lewis Nixon pleaded as he fixed his tie in the mirror.

His father wouldn't budge, as usual. "No. You're going. End of discussion."

With a sigh, Lewis finished getting ready, buttoning up his suit as his sister, Blanche walked into the room, flopping dramatically on his bed.

"I refuse to go to another party where creepy old men try to flirt with me, Lew. I just can't do it."

He turned around from the mirror. "Me, too. I hate talking to a bunch of rich old jerks-"

"Like father," she interrupted.

"Yes, like father."

Their mother's voice made an appearance as she walked into the room. "You two need to give this party a chance. You never know, maybe this one could be different."

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it," he snarked.

A few hours later, Lewis Nixon sure did believe it after seeing a beautiful girl walk down the staircase in a bright royal blue dress, her curled (y/h/c) hair cascading down her back. At that moment, everything stopped. What the man beside him was saying became background noise as he only focused on her.

As she reached the bottom of the steps, she was met with Blanche, who smiled and embraced her. When she returned the smile, the boy lost his breath.

Without taking his eyes off her, he stopped their butler as he passed.

"Who is that?" He questioned breathlessly.

Following Nix's eyes, he smiled. "(Y/n) (y/l/n). She doesn't have a date, either, sir."

Breaking his trance, Lew nodded thanks at the man before walking over to the two girls. On the way, he passed a waiter, quickly grabbing two glasses of champagne from his tray.

"Hello ladies," he greeted cooly.

Blanche didn't spare him a glance. "Hey, Lew."

Looking over at (y/n), he held out his hand. "Lewis Nixon. And what would your name be?"

Grinning, she took his hand but let out a surprised laugh when he brought it up to his lips. "So you're one of those guys, huh?"

"And what type of guy is that?" He asked, intrigued.

She glanced down at the extra glass of champagne in his hand, raising an eyebrow. "The rich, cool, Ivy League student who thinks they can get any girl they want by flashing a smile and bringing a glass of champagne. I bet you live for parties like this to show off your status."

Blanche laughed hysterically, champagne almost spewing from her nose. She cursed as she spilled some on her dress.

"I'll be back", she muttered, heading towards the bathroom.

Turning his attention back on (y/n), Lewis downed the extra champagne glass in one gulp. "Alright. That statement is only half correct."

"Okay, what's not right, then?"

"Yes, I'm a rich, Ivy Leaguer. No, this champagne was not for you-"

(Y/n) chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Yeah right."

"And I actually hate these parties with everything in me."

"I somehow find that hard to believe, Mr. Nixon."

"Lewis, please. And when you've grown up being forced to go to these things, trying to fit into the high-class society gets tiring, and frankly, I wish I wasn't even associated with it whatsoever."

Seeing the serious expression in his eyes, she believed him. Something about him was different. Maybe her assumptions were wrong after all.

"You are something else, Lewis." She chimed, walking away from him. "I hope I'll see you around. And if not, you can ask Blanche where to find me."

Lew ran a hand through his hair, sighing at the interaction. "Oh boy. I'm in trouble." He whispered to himself, drinking the other glass of champagne in his hand.

Present Day - 1944

He's dragged out of his thoughts by Harry asking him something.

"What?"

"I said, we should get moving."

Nix nodded, squatting next to (y/n). "Hey, sweetheart. I'm sorry but we've gotta get a move on."

"Okay," she sighed, saying goodbye to the children who threw their small arms around her.

As they walked further into the town, Lew had a hand gently placed on the small of her back, leading her through the crowd. Suddenly, two girls barreled past (y/n) and threw themselves onto Lewis, who shrunk back from the women, trying to get away. Laughing, (y/n) grabbed his hand and pulled him away from them.

She looked up at him as if to say something but was cut off by his lips crashing against hers. Pulling away, she quickly looked around them, not seeing any Easy Company men watching. In fact, the only one she saw was Talbert, and his attention was fully captured by the girl he was making out with.

"Lewis Nixon. What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm kissing my wife."

"As much as I wish we could, the men can't know."

"Why not?" He challenged, raising an eyebrow. "Why can't they?"

"Because..."

"Exactly! You can't even come up with a reason. We kept it secret in the first place so that it wouldn't cause trouble with Sobel in basic, but now that we're over here, so why not?"

Mulling it over in her head, the young woman couldn't find anything wrong with his plan.

Instead of answering him, she pulled him down by his collar and kissed him roughly. Once out of breath, she pressed her forehead against his. "Yeah. Let em' find out, Lew."

The sweet moment soon ended as Harry pushed past them, grumbling. "Alright. We get it. You two are so in love. Yay for us."

Following him to the other officers, the couple held hands once again. "You're telling me that if Kitty was here, you wouldn't be doing the same thing?" (Y/n) asked, trying to suppress a laugh.

Before he could respond, Buck walked up to the group as they found Winters. "What's up, Welshy?" The blonde asked cheerily.

Harry flipped up his collar with a scowl, looking at (y/n). "Snipers."

She couldn't resist the laugh that bubbled up her throat as she flipped her collar, covering her lieutenant bars.

"We've got to get to these bridges," Dick stated, turning to (y/n), Buck, and Harry. "Round up the men."

With a nod, she started to walk away her arm was caught by Nix.

"Where are you going?" He asked, concern filling his eyes.

She sighed lightly and rubbed his arm, wanting to avoid the overprotective side of her husband. "You heard Dick. I'm getting my men."

"Okay. Please be careful, alright?" He whispered, caressing her cheek softly.

Walking away, she winked at him. "I will be, Lew. Don't worry."

Nix watched her smaller form disappear into the crowd, turning to Dick while shaking his head. "That woman will be the death of me."

As (y/n) pushed through the celebrating crowd once again, her eyes searches for the familiar screeching eagle patch on her men's uniforms. Just as she saw Liebgott in the distance, a rough pull of her hand had her reeling backward, falling into the chest of someone. Whipping around to face them, she discovered it was a man a little bit older than her with a devilish grin aimed right at her. Instantly, she tried to pull away from the hold he had on her arm.

"Let go," she demanded calmly, raising her left hand to show the ring on her finger. "I'm married."

He jerked her closer to him, and she could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Jammer dat je man niet hier is om te kijken wat ik met je ga doen, meid."

(Y/n) didn't have to understand Dutch for her to get the message as he moved his other hand to grab her butt, pulling her flush against his chest.

"I said let go!" She yelled, thrashing around, trying to get away. His grip only tightened as he angrily let go for a split second and raised his hand to strike her. (Y/n) heard it before she felt it. The loud smacking sound stunned her and was soon followed by a burning sensation radiating from her cheek as the taste of copper filled her mouth.

The man used her shock as an opportunity, smashing his lips to hers. Realizing what was happening, she sealed her lips closed, quickly pulling as far as she could from the man.

Suddenly she reared her head back before slamming it into the man's nose. His hold on her disappeared as he stumbled back, clutching his bloody nose. (Y/n) could see the anger radiating off him as she tried to escape into the crowd.

"Jij amerikaanse teef!" He seethed, following her through the crowd.

Out of breath, she frantically looked for any of her fellow soldiers once again. Tears filled her eyes when she saw an all too familiar head of dark hair sitting in a chair a few feet in front of her.

"Lew!" She cried, glancing over her shoulder at the man who was gaining on her. "Lewis!"

As soon as her desperate cry left her lips, he bolted up from his chair, turning to where the sound came from. The second he saw her terrified expression, he ran to meet her. Just as he was about to bring her into his arms, she yelped, being dragged out of reach by her hair.

"Hey! Let her go!" Nix barked athoritatively, quickly stepping forward and taking a swing at the man.

Being heavily drunk, he didn't have fast enough reflexes to dodge the punch in time. Lewis' fist slammed against the man's jaw with a satisfying crack. Instantly letting go of (y/n), the dutch man wobbled on his feet for a moment, before falling to the ground in a heap.

Nix thought his head was going to explode with rage. He wanted to beat this man to a pulp for what he'd evidently done to (y/n). Moving to crouch over the man do to just that, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. Dick pulled him back, motioning over to (y/n)'s shaking figure.

"Go help (y/n). She needs you. I'll take care of this." He said lowly.

With a nod, Lew looked over at her and their eyes met. His heart broke at the sight of (y/n)'s face. Tears brimmed her waterline and blood slowly dripped from her lower lip. The worst part was the bright red handprint on her left cheek that infuriated him more than anything before. Rushing over, he pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair lovingly.

“Breathe, darling,” he murmured, fighting off tears of his own. "You're safe, now."

He looked around and found an empty restaurant on the corner. Leading her to the secluded area, he kept a strong arm around her, worried she would fall without it.

Once inside, he sat her down on a chair and pulled another one next to it. Her head was tilted down, facing the floor as she replayed the last few moments in her mind.

She was brought out of her thoughts by her husband's soft touch under her chin, lifting it to face him. Her tears had not yet fallen, and Nix knew she was trying to stay strong.

"It's okay to cry, honey," he whispered, cupping her cheek softly.

At his words, she let out a quiet sob as the tears slipped down her cheeks. He just pulled her closer, allowing her to bury her face into his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Lew. I-I didn't-," she cried, pulling back to look at his concerned face, which quickly morphed into a confused expression.

Nixon's heart broke at her tear-stained cheeks. "You didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing to apologize for," he said softly.

"But I could've fought harde-"

"No," he interrupted. "Do not say that. You did everything you could."

She shot up out of his arms and on her feet, throwing her hands up, shouting. "If I can't even fight off some drunk civilian, how am I supposed to fight in this war against trained German soldiers?"

Nix rose to his feet. "It wasn't your fault, (y/n)!"

"Lewis, I shouldn't be here. I should be-"

"None of us should be here! Half of our men should still be in school, and the other half should be with their families!" He paused, eyes beginning to burn. "W-We should be at home raising a family, not here in Europe fighting, but we are, and nothing we can say is going to change that."

After a few moments of silence, (y/n) walked towards the man, slowly pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you for saving me, Lew," she whispered, voice thick with emotion.

He sighed, burying his face in the crook of her neck. "Of course. Always remember I'm here. Wherever you go-"

"I go," she finished, leaning back and cupping his cheek with one hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

He then connected their lips softly, wrapping his arms around her waist when the doors flew open.

"Sir-oh. Sorry for the interruption, uh Lieutenants." Talbert sputtered, wide-eyed.

Parting slowly, Nix groaned as he and (y/n) walked past Tab.

"Can't I get 5 minutes with my wife, for pete's sake," he muttered.

Floyd stood there shocked, and (y/n) chuckled under her breath as they walked back onto the street. When felt a warm hand enclose hers, she knew she would be okay. She also knew that by the end of the day, their secret wouldn't be a secret anymore, and she was perfectly fine with that.

Tag List:

@typical-simplelove @softguarnere @brassknucklespeirs

#lewis nixon #lewis nixon angst #lewis nixon x reader #lewis nixon x reader angst #lewis nixon imagine #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers imagines #band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #lewis nixon x reader fluff #lewis nixon imagines #mads' fandoms #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers masterlist #nix x reader #nix #ron livingston #hurt/comfort #mads' writing struggles #mads' writing mania #lewis nixon x wife!reader

[piers-official]

So as a heads up t'my followers, m'gonna be busy all day tomorrow workin' on somethin' in the studio.

I've managed to plan somethin' special for you lot though (well maybe), so I hope y'all enjoy talkin' t'some of the Spikemuth Gym Trainers AKA Team Yell!

They'll intro themselves tomorrow, so be on the lookout for 'em, yea? Marnie will be here too t'watch 'em as well.

((OOC under the cut))

//OOC:

//Well, I asked y'all spoke! Looks like the Team Yell takeover won the poll for the 300 follower milestone celebration!

//There will be 3 Team Yell members (OC's but they have also appeared in the games as well~) and Marnie here to talk to and answer questions! So, if ya want any backstory to Team Yell's history (Or learn about their jobs), You are more than welcome to bug them c:

//Thank you again to everyone who's followed me over these past months. You're all wonderful people, and I couldn't have ever had this blog be where it is today because of you all <3

//Until later, bye for now! -Nova

#piers posts #ooc posts #pkmn rp #pkmn irl #mun speaks #follower milestone #piers rp

[writers-hq]

Good morrow and well met, for we have scraped together 8 of the dirtiest bawdy (bardy) moments from ol' Shakey-pants' work.

Don't act so surprised. It's always been about the dick jokes, y'all. Do you know us but at all?

So, adjust your ruff, pull up your cross-gartered stockings, and let's get the fuck into it.

1. Much Ado About Nothing

Right from the title we’re dealing in double entendres. ‘Nothing’ is Elizabethan slang for vagina so it basically means: “a lot of fuss about pussy”. Cool. 

Then almost immediately, our first introduction to one of the protagonists alludes to him being a walking venereal disease: “If he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere a' be cured.” 

In return, Benedick swears he will never “hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick” and on it goes for 5 acts. Even BeneDICK’s eventual declaration of love includes a sex pun. “I will live in thy heart, die (orgasm) in thy lap, and be buried in your eyes.” Stay classy, guys. 

2. Romeo & Juliet

Just your regular tween romance in which thirteen-year-old Juliet monologues repeatedly about how much she wants to get Ro-Ro into her bed. Even the classic ‘a rose by any other name’ speech includes the line: “nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor any other part belonging to a man” fnar fnar. 

Oh, and she also dies (slang for orgasm) asking for his ‘happy dagger’ to rust inside her ‘sheath’. Yeah yeah, it’s a tragedy, but it’s also sex ‘n’ death right to the end.

3. Twelfth Night

Malvolio is the king of (accidental?) debauchery. While reading a (forged) letter from the lady he fancies, he declares: “By my life, this is my lady’s hand. These be her very C’s, her U’s and (N) her T’s, and thus makes she her great P’s.” Yes, that is how you spell **** and we’ll let you figure out the P bit. 

He’s also responsible for the most misquoted line by wannabe motivational speakers everywhere: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness THRUST upon ‘em.” 

Yes, he’s talking about his dick.

4. Hamlet

To be or not to be whatever, but just imagine trying to sneak ‘c*ntry matters’ past the censors today:

HAMLET: Lady, shall I lie in your lap? OPHELIA: No, my lord. HAMLET: I mean, my head upon your lap. OPHELIA: Ay, my lord. HAMLET: Do you think I mean country matters? OPHELIA: I think nothing, my lord. HAMLET: That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs

Reminder that ‘nothing’ also means vagina. That’s a double whammy in the space of 7 lines. Kudos, sir. 

5. Sonnet 20

Elizabethans loved a nice bit of androgyny, and never more so in this poem whereby Shakey talks in detail about how his (male) patron is soooo pretty and delicate and feminine AF and he’s super totally into that even though nature added ‘one thing to my purpose nothing’ (psst he’s talking about the guy’s cock) and ‘prick’d thee out for women’s pleasure’ (still talking about cock) but that’s ok cos all the laydeez will ‘use’ his ‘treasure’ (cock). 

Mm hmm. 

Cue all the old man scholars arguing for several hundred years that there was absolutely nothing gay about any of this lol bless.

6. The Taming of the Shrew

An otherwise irredeemable play contains this arse-licking zinger: 

PETRUCHIO: Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. KATHARINA: In his tongue. PETRUCHIO: Whose tongue? KATHARINA: Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell. PETRUCHIO: What, with my tongue in your tail?

No further comments, your honour.

7. Henry V

Ok, buckle in for some Franglaise as the French Princess Catherine practices her English in preparation for marrying Henry, mispronouncing various body parts in a hilarious display of casual xenophobia. But the tables turn beautifully and profanely when she asks her maid the English word for ‘robe’ and is told ‘coun’ (gown) which sounds a lot like… uh… See you next Tuesday. 

Yep. Shakespeare really got the future queen of England to say c*nt live on stage. Bravo.

8. Titus Andronicus

Aaaaand possibly the first recorded ye olde yo mama joke: 

CHIRON: Thou hast undone our mother. AARON: Villain! I hath done thy mother!

Boom boom. Because he had sex wtih her. It’s about sex. It’s a sex joke. Okay cool. Bye. 

#shakespeare #dick jokes #much ado about nothing #romeo & juliet #twelfth night #hamlet #sonnet 20 #the taming of the shrew #henry V #titus andronicus

[thewickedlywenchy]

Good morning my tumblr friends!! We made it!! It's Friday!!!!! How are y'all spending your weekend??? Any big plans? Drop em in my comments because I'm nosy😁

Before I get too far along I hope those of you in Florida are safe. My understanding is there have been some wicked storms and a lot of flooding down there. I have a feeling the spring weather is gonna be crazy and volatile this year. I've had my A/C on and off since Feb. Even here in Tennessee that's insane. Typically we are just starting to warm up this time of year but it was near 80 yesterday.

Anywaysssss......can you tell I'm a talker? Lol. I'm getting more comfortable and relearning tumblr and seeing that as long as I label it I can pretty much do whatever I want......bwahaha!!!! It's good to be back!! I was here long ago and was active for about 5 years. Yeah I am THAT old!! But y'all have been making this so much fun for me and I really appreciate the kindness you have shown me.

Enjoy your Friday!!!

Kisses and squishy hugs!!!!

[actofgrxce]

Read before interacting with me

P.S., while I'm here, kind of a PSA and the only time I'll make it: I cannot stress enough that Ed is very deliberately and painstakingly coded as neurodivergent and mentally ill and if you write with me, you need to respect that.

And I don't mean the ableist impulse of "WOO HOO cray-cray stabby pyro cap'n Blackbeard, what a nut amirite!" I mean the man, as Taika Waititi plays him and David Jenkins writes him, is legitimately profoundly struggling with acute trauma and s*icidal ideation, while ALSO struggling to overcome more than 50 years of maladaptive coping techniques. Since Jenkins et al have (imho very cleverly) elected to frame the narrative more as an ahistorical allegory of found family and queer belonging that just happens to take place on the high seas with colonial-era pirates, they therefore allow characters to be aware of their own feelings and cognitive processes in the way that we are (in the 21st century). This means modern diagnostics apply. So, like. Y'all.

Ed has ADHD.

He has an Attachment Disorder (probably Avoidant, but I'm still thinking).

He has C-PTSD,

and he probably has either RSD (with the ADHD) and/or Bipolar II Disorder.

These disorders are real and they are hell to cope with (I only have two on the list myself, and I find it almost completely debilitating sometimes), and despite the modern self-awareness and the modern lingo, Ed still lives under conditions that make self-diagnosis near-impossible. He made a major effort in the Divorce Robe with the feelings-sharing then lost the battle with himself. This is one reason Stede is so good for him. So how does my blog come into all this?

I still ship Blackbonnet. Yes, even more than Stede x Izzy, despite its own understandable appeal. Yes, definitely more than Ed x Izzy (unhealthy in a way that's just not my jam--do it if it's fun for you, it just won't happen here). I will probably filter tags for those ships, in fact, for personal reasons. It's a bit frustrating. People turned on Stede too fast for my taste in s1 and I think they've turned on Ed too fast in s2. These two are learning how to be better as middle-aged closeted queer men (one also from poverty and BIPOC). Let 'em make (big) mistakes. Which leads to the next point.

I'm not going to dilute or make light of the awful things Ed did in "Red Flags," but I'm also not going to engage with any part of the OFMD rpc that permanently condemns him. I've spent the past 15+ years writing controversial, complex muses and doing the thankless work of defending them to people who are committed to misunderstanding and contempt. And uh. Well. As I enter a new decade of life, I'm just no longer equipped (or interested). So if I see signs of that, I'll just quietly disengage.

This isn't the same ofc, as answering meta questions to the best of my ability; media analysis is still My Thing™. I just hope y'all can catch the distinction. I don't want to be a character's constant "defense attorney" anymore. People have the right to hate him, and they can go ahead while I continue, in my space, not to.

Thanks a million (truly) for reading and considering.

#ooc #rules #blog policy #ofmd rpc #i don't think there are really spoilers in this but lmk )

[seijorhi]

fic asks <33

most of these are for Sea Change and Heedless, Heartless, but there are some other misc ones in here too!

I just finished reading 'Sea Change'... It was— I don't even know how to describe how stunningly written it was! The care taken into crafting the story, to give the readers an entire movie with just words— it's amazing! Seriously, I could vividly see everything! Even little Hatori, looking like a tiny little Oikawa, I could picture Darling's crying face as they remembered everything leading up to that particular situation! It really did play out just like a beautiful, heartbreaking film in my head! I just adore your writing so much. I hope you're doing amazing. Take care!! 💙💙 - @perhapsimacat

ahh thank you my love <33 yea sea change is just... sad. cute, because hatori's so damn adorable, but i wanted sad vibes there, so i'm glad that came through! ILY!! <33 i hope ur day is going well too bby!

Rhi! How you write such good works??

i made a deal with a witch <33

Two fics in a row???? Rhi, pinch me, I must be in heaven - @artemis32

it's cuz ily so much. i gotta keep y'all fed don't i??

U ARE AMAZINGGGGGG IM CRYINGGg sREAMING for THAT iwa shsksjjsjsjsj can he bully me like that iM BEGGING

iwa: i'm not a bully like oikawa

iwa: proceeds to be just as bad if not worse than oikawa ghfjdkhfjd

love how u keep the obsession over iwaoi alive for me, two such AMAZING works n on my knees to thank u for that rhi muahhh <3<3<3

UR WELCOME BBY!! i'm just glad you liked em :)

well. well you’ve done it again. chilling work rhi!!! i have to ask—how did oikawa react when he found out you escaped? how did hatori react 😞 oh poor bubs

poor hatori :c @krystalwithakay made comment about how ANOTHER mother is abandoning him and i felt so guilty vgfdhjkcjhfdjsk SHE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE! but no, hatori's so confused about where his mama is because quite literally up until that point, as far back as he can remember she's spent every single day with him. he's so devastated but also too young to really understand why she's not there and giving him good morning cuddles??

oikawa on the other hand?? oof. he has to try very, very hard to keep his cool so he's not scaring hatori but boy is PISSED. also, very worried about the reader cuz she's six months pregnant with his daughter, alone and god knows fucking where.

oikawaaa

agreed <33

Amazing writing rhi!! I am absolutely screaming though at how oikawa was deserted in both fics (deserved, but god damn)

i know!! who am i?? being so mean to my beloved. but he did definitely deserve it in both fics. i like to think that sea change is more of a... temporary problem hehehe. heedless, heartless on the other hand... who's to say :))

Reader Chan’s friends and family are the worst and the school let Toru stay but kicked out reader what kind of sexist double standard is that anyway great fic reader and Hajime both need therapy tho I think Toru is beyond help

literally the standards are below the floor. everyone knows it's oikawa in the vid but because you don't technically see his face the school's like :)) welp not our problem :)) meanwhile to the reader they're all 'we have a reputation to protect this is unacceptable, begone, whore!'

there wasn't as much i was able to elaborate on with her friends and family, but her family had incredibly high expectations of her, she was very much a good student who wanted to do well and had like a five year plan and so getting kicked out of school a few months out from graduation, not to mention the reason WHY she was kicked out, yeah they were not happy. assholes the lot of them. poor reader, i still love her (and so does tooru and hajime hehe)

Do you think yan! Emma is someone who would take advantage of her family (having all three brothers in powerful gangs must be rly convenient) to get to her objective, or do you think she'd actually do the dirty work herself ?

i actually think she'd wanna keep her darling as separate from mikey/izana/shin's gang related stuff because she doesn't wanna put the reader in danger. she's not above a little dirty work herself ;))

you said koko thinks himself to be in love with reader, but do the other bonten guys think the same? like in the privacy of their own minds, can they admit they have some sort of love/fondness for reader (even if they’d never act like it or say so), or do they genuinely think of her as a toy to play with until it breaks and nothing more?

mikey knows he's in love with her, kakucho admits that he feels something for her (he's probably the only one to admit to himself that it's certainly not a healthy kinda feelings, but feelings all the same) sanzu and the twins definitely have an obsession, and there's a fondness there, but i wouldn't go so far as to call it 'love'.

whoa okay but choking and slapping? Now that’s terrifying for reader...I would have thought kaku might be a little better than the rest since he seems more calm and kinda looks out for reader? Also, I cannot imagine how terrifying sanzu’s bad day will be for reader since he’s already unstable

as i said kaku's fine on a good day, but not every day is a good day. he carries a lot of issues and guilt and maybe has slight abandonment issues (people he love tend to be taken from him) that make him a little possessive and rough at times.

sanzu's bad days mean the reader watching people die in awful ways before getting brutally fucked in/around/near their blood/bodies so yeah... not fun.

https://www.tumblr.com/mintmatcha/697660715787583488 Which Yan do you think it's

visually i'd say oikawa but tbh it could work for a lot of them

#rhi answers #fic asks #sea change #heedless heartless #sink to the depths #ily guys!!!

[idk-wha-ahm-doin]

@w3irdiy

You gave me two prompts to choose from, thanks for that XD

Since the next prompt to write is also Birdrick, I chose the second one! Beth and the Smith family finding out about Rick's Diane and Beth.

Tell me what you think. I think it kinda goes off the rails a little.

"Wh-where?" Morty panickingly asked, clumsily fiddling with the portal gun. "He'll follow us into every dimension!"

Gritting his teeth, Rick urged his daughter to run faster by the wrist. "Not every dimension. Give me that."

"You can run, but you can't hide, C-137! Oh wait, I'm C-137! Are anything but a ghost of me at this point?" Mocked the echoing voice.

"Dad!" Voice breaking into a shriek, Beth ran to keep up with her father and son. "What is going on?! I thought we were going to Boobworld!"

"Me too, sweetie." Grunted the old man, entering coordinations he'd sworn not to revisit. "Where's Summer and Jerry? Did we lose 'em?"

"We're here, asshole." Out of breath, Summer announced their presence. Only a few steps behind.

"Hold on tight." With that warning, he shot a portal ahead where they were running into, basically jumping into the first scene of his life where he began to mentally degrade. He wouldn't be surprised if Prime knew of this already.

On the other side, Rick tripped on an uneven part on the sidewalk, leading to all five falling on each other like pieces of domino.

Crack.

Rick tensed under the pressure, more concerned about the noise of something getting crushed under their weights. "What, was, that?" He spelled out, fearing the worst.

His son in law cleared his throat nervously to his right. "Oh, uh, haha. That? That was... uh." Chuckles trailing off. "... H-how long will it take you to fix an um, a broken portal gun?"

"Fuck." Crying out his frustrations in one word, Rick let his forehead hit the cold stones of the ground. Not that repairing it took much effort, but it took time, and time was not something Rick wanted to spend a moment of here.

"Ugh, Dad, get off of me. Why are y'all just laying here like dead fish? Jesus Christ." Summer was the one that urged them to get up. The old man took another moment to grieve whatever patience he had and whatever lunch he was about to lose before reluctantly standing up and dusting off his clothes.

"There are corpses on the street, Rick." Awkwardly waving back to the old man in a kid's bicycle, Jerry pointed out. "Is this the dimension of old people?" Innocently, he asked.

Keen observation Jerry, he wanted to make a sarcastic comment, but something made his brows furrow. "I thought I switched it off." He muttered under his breath.

"Switch what off?" Beth pressed him, having been standing close. "Dad, where exactly did you take us?"

Inhaling the dead odor in the air, Rick's gaze travelled up to the building he once called home. "One place the son of a bitch can't follow us into. You're welcome." He dryly said before taking off toward the house. "All I know is that a Rick lived here once."

"Which was you." Walking close to him, Morty frowned. "Is this your house?" He asked, loudly enough that the rest of the family wouldn't hear him. "It actually screams sad on top of its lungs."

"Maybe stop talking." Rick offered, storming into the garage. "Keep your family busy, will you? I'll make it quick- and oh-" He paused in his tracks. "Don't let them into the basement."

Walking casually past an incredulous Morty, Rick put the broken portal gun on some blueprint he didn't remember drawing. "... Are there bodies there?"

Running a hand down his distraught expression, Rick sighed. "I-I dunno, maybe? J-just don't risk it." He could hear the boy rolling his eyes.

"Hold up, the garage doesn't have a door, the floor isn't fixed after a goddamn explosion and your basement is a torture room. You're telling me you lived here after... s-stuff happened?"

The man pursed his lips, merely staring at the gadget while suffering a blank mind. "Maybe."

Coming to stand next to him, Morty's eyes studied the place. "Definitely like I remember."

"You don't know jack shit." The scientist scrunched up his nose, going through a box.

"I know plenty." Morty glared at him. "I practically lived your life once, asshat. I'm just as angry."

Rick paused in his search, shoulders slumping. "Sorry about that."

"I just think you should tell them." Morty offered with a wince. "W-we're a family now, Rick. Whether you like it or not."

"Fuck off, Morty. Now's not the time for this."

Maybe he needed to search the kitchen?

Grunting under his breath, he opened the cabinets in search of a specific item. "Goddammit, I think I'm out."

"Dad?"

"Jesus!" Jumping out of his skin with a yelp, a pot nearly fell on his head. "Don't just scare me like that, sweetie."

The blonde was sheepishly scratching her arms, her daughter and husband also in the kitchen. Huh, he wasn't really paying much attention. "Sorry, I just... you sure you don't know who lived here or... what happened to them?"

That sentence shouldn't have frozen him the way it did. "What uh, makes you say that?" He couldn't help but drawl it in hesitance as he tried to casually lean against the counter.

The woman's eyes were furrowed in sympathy or worry. Her fingers grazed the horse doodles on the fridge door of his daughter- his daughter, Rick's actual daughter, her small hands held a crayon and drew them one warm evening long ago. It hurt something deep and suppressed in his chest to look at anything in the house at all. Part of why he wished to leave as soon as possible.

"This... a kid drew these, Dad. This is messed up- a-and we saw the garage, it can't be more obvious." Something sank in the depth of his stomach, but he held his indifferent facade. "The me here didn't get to grow up." When she finally tore her gaze apart from the drawings and faced him, they were glistening with tears. "A-and maybe even the whole family didn't survive, who knows?" Voice shaking.

Fidgeting with an empty bottle, Rick tried to play it cool. Sometimes he really wished Beth wasn't so smart. Smart people suffered. "I try not to think about it." He admitted.

"There's something wrong with this universe." Summer raised an eyebrow. "Seriously creepy. No wonder that Rick didn't follow us here."

"Yeah, no wonder." Muttered Rick in an echo, facing away when Morty joined them in the kitchen, probably wearing a scold on his face. Clearing his throat, he straightened his back and continued. "Nothing I can do here, fellas. I have to make something from scratch and I know the perfect lab-"

A familiar chirp cut him off, filling him with dread.

"Rick, baby! Did you come back again?"

The honeyed tone glued his shoes to the floor, turning the blood in his veins into liquid ice. His heart pounded painfully against his ribcage and his mouth dried up.

No, no, no, no.

Now was the worst possible fucking timing for this.

The rest of the family looked confused by the caller, eyes drawn to the other room. Morty's wide stare stayed on him, though. And Beth looked somehow relieved.

"Oh, I'm so glad you didn't kill yourself!" The voice sang with a pleasant sigh. "I told you flying off without coordinates was dangerous!"

Jerry eyed a frozen Rick with disbelief. "Rick, who is that in the house? I thought it was empty!"

"Tha... that's Mom." Beth whispered against her palm. "S-she's alive!" She cried with joy.

"Oh, Rick." It called in a singsong. "Did you finally kill our target?"

Whatever joy and relief was radiating off the family died at that, four set of eyes staring the poor man down.

Noticing the attention was on him, Rick shook his head and narrowed his eyes. "You're uh, the house AI, right? You got the wrong Rick." He lied, hoping it would take a hint.

"If the wrong Rick steps in this house, he'll be blown up to pieces! You thought I wouldn't recognize my own d-d-d-dirtybear?"

Pulling his lips into a strained line, Rick closed his eyes. He felt their eyes piercing holes through him. "Mute." He grumbled.

"You designed me so I can't be muted! Or did you forget that already?" The AI responded cheerfully.

Fuck.

"... No. I-I didn't... kill, the target." Gritting out, every word was forced out and clawed on his throat before forming sentences. "Can you stop- talking to me for a few minutes?" Pinching between his brows, Rick inhaled, trying not to look at anyone of his found family. He would lose all his nerve if he did.

"I wouldn't be a good haunter then, would I? And oh, you brought your new family here!"

The concept of denial forgotten completely, Rick glared at the ceiling and growled. "Don't you even dare, Diane!"

"I'm just doing what you told me to!"

"Well, now I'm telling you to fucking quit it!" He shouted. "I'm giving you new codes! I don't- I don't fucking want to be haunted!" Voice rising as he yelled.

For the first time since its creation, the AI paused. "You made my codes un-rewritable for a reason, Rick! Besides, I'll always be in your head! You said that last time!"

"Ugh!" The man exclaimed with a mixture of rage, exasperation at the ugly truth and stares poking on his nerves.

"If you want to move on, I'm proud of you, baby! I forgive you for getting us killed!" Her voice was so joyous, so full of life, and yet she whispered bites of venom wrapped around a layer of honey. "But before you do, you can kill off the killer's genes!"

"Hold the fuck up- did you just tell him to kill me?" Morty glared at the same spot on the ceiling Rick had.

"No." Innocently replied the AI.

"Wait, the killer's your Rick, Morty?!" Summer suddenly yelled, pointing at him. "You never said anything!?" Jerry and Beth gasped and looked at the scowling brunet.

"I-i's complicated!" Morty shouted back with a streak of panic and defensiveness. "Rick! Help me out here!?"

Stopping for a moment to bite down a harsh retort and a tendency to murder, Rick smacked his hands on the table. "Everybody, shut up!" The yelling quieted down. "For fuck's sake, no one's killing Morty. And Diane, tell me, are we out of Isotope 322?" He demanded loudly. "There's no crack in the main tube that needs immediate fixing, but the fluid still spilled out."

The AI paused for a moment to scan the house. "Oh, there's actually some in the cupboard to your right, sweetheart!"

"Thanks." Mumbled halfheartedly Rick, opening said cupboard and snatching it and a beaker.

"Wow, grandpa. This is..." Summer trailed off after breaking the silence.

"Sad?" Rick snapped, beginning to make more portal juice. "Well, guess what? We know, Summer. We know."

Fucking splendid. Now there was going to be awkward silence and more pity than he could stomach.

He should've thought of another dimension, another solution or even avoided this house. He should've gone straight to the lab.

But no matter how hard he scolded himself, he knew in the back of his mind that the black hole of this building would always draw him in and drown him.

His hold tightened on the beaker as he watched the liquid stir together into a homogenous substance. "Why are you fucks just standing there? Go out- be-be useful." He ordered with a growl.

But his rage didn't last when two arms wrapped around his chest, making him wince. "... For all the times I blamed you for leaving me and Mom." Beth's trembling voice came from where she rested her cheek against his shoulder. "And you let me because- I-I can't even..." She breathed out in utter disbelief.

"..."

"I yell and scream at you about how you don't care about family!" Her incredulous voice rose gradually. "Is that- is that supposed to be a joke?! How many years did you spend out there I- pursuing a vendetta? What was that- a torture robot with Mom's voice?!"

"Sweetie-" Rick started.

"Fo-for all the times I called you a-! Do we even know you?!" She cried.

"Don't take it personal, honey." Rick paused and freed his hands, reaching one to put on Beth's head crown. Then sighed. "Even I don't know myself." He muttered the second part, earning himself a tighter embrace.

A tear threatened to wound his pride by falling down, but he blinked it away. A tender affection for Beth burned in his chest, encouraging him to turn his head and plant a soft kiss on her hair.

This cut too deep.

"Is there like uh, a room for one more?"

Raising his head, he saw Summer awkwardly standing with her arms spread out and a truce-seeking smile on her face. Behind her, Jerry was watching with an open mouth, and Morty had a goodhearted smug look to him, arms crossed.

Eh, fuck it. "All of you fucknuts, bring it in!" He cried.

A moment later, he didn't know whose snort was in his ear and who was trying to tackle him,

But he felt like a part of this dumb group of people bonded together through their experiences.

For maybe six minutes and twenty one seconds, Rick forgot about his haunted mind.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #beth smith #family #fanfic #request