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cherryhanji · 2 years

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oneshot. bang chan x female reader

⭐ synopsis: winter isn't one of your favorite seasons. But what if it's spent with someone who provides you not only smiles, but also those fuzzy feelings and crazy heartbeats?

⭐ genre: roommates to lovers au, college au, fluff, angsty tones

⭐ words: 11k

⭐ warning(s): foul language, mentions of childhood trauma, poor attempt at interpreting kissing scenes aaa

⭐ tags: @starlostseungmin @starlighthan (if u wanna be added on my taglist, u can drop an ask!)

alexa's note: sorry! this took waaaay to long but this is basically a rewritten version of my story "winter shenanigans". i just changed the title bcs i think it's better(?) haha idk i just feel like i need to change it. i wanted to rewrite this bc i feel like i can give it more improvements and make it better than the first version (i hope so) i hope u like it!

a bit of a disclaimer: i never experienced winter, so i'll just write everything what i feel or think about winter and what others do when winter comes. (but i do want to experience it!)

Winter isn't a season you're really not fond of unlike the others. Going out just to flash your new purchased glamorous parka and wasting several dollars for an overpriced hot coffee isn't in your bucket list. Winter doesn't bring you fun playing with snow, making those snowballs and having some snow fights with your loved ones. Walking around the street and feeling the freezing cold air wash your face as you look at everyone who seems to love it. Winter isn't your most loved season especially when the memories it brings you were the ones you really want to forget and leave from the past.

So instead of doing those things people love to do when winter comes, you'll just dwell in the confines of your home, watching those old Netflix series you love watching so many times to the point you memorize every characters' lines. Room heater on and a cup of ramen resting on your hands.

Amidst the season, you and your roommate Lexi always plan on going grocery shopping, agreeing on a day where both of you are free of schedule. The task is dreadful when you try to keep up with the people who seem to love hoarding the supermarket before the season starts. As if they'll run out of everything "they need" during the winter. So grocery shopping is best when you think most of the people were literally out everywhere but the supermarket.

But now, you feel like you are slowly draining out of energy as you look at your roommate while she puts her things inside her big ass luggage bag, a gift from her mother whom she'll be staying with until God knows when.

"Text me please when you arrive, hm?" You said with a small voice, not showing Lexi your soured expression but knowing completely you failed.

Lexi is like your sister, living with her ever since you started college. So it's really disheartening to know she'll be out of your shared apartment in a few hours.

The reason is important, and you completely understand it. She needs to go home, but it doesn't get rid of the fact that you'll be away from her, and will make you alone, emotionally and physically. You were never the one to make friends at all, scared to talk to people but managed to befriend some, and Lexi is one of them. Having the same interest and vibes, being able to understand each other are some of the reasons your friendship was built.

"Of course lovely, I will. I know how much you'll miss me. And I'll miss you too." Lexi cocked her brows, giving you a lopsided smile.

"I really hope you can come back soon. But I think I'll be graduating alone if it happens again." You said. There you are again, you know you sound a bit selfish now, having abandonment issues ever since you were a kid fucks you up real hard, struggling to accept that people really do come and go. You just don't want everything that happened before to happen again.

But you were so aware that it will not happen with Lexi's case. You were just starting to miss the dynamics you used to have while living with her.

Lexi sighed as she tried to brighten up her smile. You can see that she too, was trying hard to be strong. Going back to her hometown to take care of her ill mother, leaving her one and only best friend from the city and moving to another college is harder than she thought.

"I hope so too. I hope mom will get better so I can just go back here and not transfer to a different university anymore. But I am not sure what's about to happen. But I am really hoping I can come back real soon." She admitted, finally closing the bag she was preparing.

"And y/n, I know how much struggle you feel when it comes to meeting new people. You don't have to force yourself to talk to everyone. But please, don't dwell on being alone, my love. There are lots of people who badly want to befriend you. You're such a sweet girl. I know you prefer being by yourself, but I can see clearly you're happier whenever someone talks to you." she rebuked, Lexi knows you like the back of her hand, notices even the things you never knew you were doing.

"I-I don't think so." You muttered. You sure weren't confident enough to face a conversation with a person you knew you were talking to several times, let alone a complete stranger you never once talked to. One reason you never went to those acquaintance parties Lexi invited you everytime she went.

You heard your friend click her tongue, making you turn your gaze to her. You sighed as you were met by one of her signature looks, always giving you those whenever she's disagreeing with something you just said.

"O-okay, fine. I don't promise but I'll try, because I don't like to miss you so much like I do now." You scoffed, making her let out light chuckles.

"That's my girl. To think that winter is coming, I want you to find someone you can spend those dreadful times with whenever the season is here." She snarked.

"Nah, will just spend my days here wrapped like a burrito while watching Squid Game." You remarked, Lexi looking at you dirtily.

"Girl, don't tell me you're gonna watch it for the fifth time?" Lexi questioned and you just nod proudly.

"Of course, I will. No one's gonna stop me." You said while your friend just let out a sigh, giving up at your antics.

"Okay whatever. Anyway, Mrs. Yang told me someone already got my space." Lexi announced, making your ears perked up at her news. You weren't against new roommates, you know yourself you can't afford to pay the whole rent and you need someone to share it with. But you didn't expect it to be this soon, you weren't prepared to entertain a new roommate!

"Wait, what? This soon??" You questioned and she just nodded.

"Yep! Don't have any idea who it was but Mrs. Yang told me they're studying in the same university." Lexi exclaimed as if she was the one who will live with the new roommate. On the other hand, dreadfulness starts seeping in you just by thinking of the prospect of having a new roommate. The idea of living with a stranger, and having no idea what will be your relationship with them in the future, starts to eat your mind. But despite that, you didn't show Lexi your weariness, instead giving her some neutral reaction even if your introvertedness is already screaming.

A week has passed and you still haven't met the said new roommate. You didn't even bump into Mrs. Yang, which you think is much better because you didn't have any idea how to grasp some update about your new roommate. "I just want to ask when will my new roommate arrive so I can at least clean the apartment." "May I ask who my new roommate is? Lexi told me you told her they're attending the same university as me." Questions keep on popping on your mind but in the end, you were glad you never bumped into her and just cleaned the whole apartment in case your new roommate will arrive.

School break was about to start. You were more than relieved to know you completed all the work and backlogs even before the break starts. You may hate the winter, but you'd rather make yourself busy with something else than dealing with your activities or any school related work.

After having a small talk with Felix, you bid yourselves goodbye and started to walk on your way home.

Felix is a blockmate and one of the people you prefer talking with whenever Lexi isn't around. You grew accustomed to him when right after your first activity as partners, he still approached you like you've known each other for a while now, clearly wanting to befriend you. Not wanting to look like a bitch, you just let him be, also because of his bubbly persona. Like Lexi, Felix is the person next to being comfortable. You like the energy he's emanating whenever he's around.

You were solemnly staring at the window of the bus when you felt your phone buzzing against your pants pocket.

from: Mrs. Yang (YW APT.)

hi dear, just a heads up. your new roommate might arrive later or tomorrow evening. just want to remind you so you can prepare his space. have a nice day dear!

to: Mrs. Yang (YW APT.)

thank u for informing me, Mrs. Yang. have a nice day too!

You don't think you were ready enough knowing that your roommate is a guy. You don't have any problems with guys. It's just you feel awkward most of the time when you talk to the opposite sex. But you realized it doesn't worry you unlike the first time you knew about having a new roommate. Thinking about what Lexi has said, maybe it's not that bad to have new friends, besides her, well, also Felix (you consider him as one from now on.)

The said roommate arrived the next day. With his luggage bag and some boxes, he strived to bring them altogether inside even if you offer him a small help by pulling his luggage (you tried to make a good impression of yourself even if you're already feeling awkward as hell)

In the end, he let you pull his luggage when one of the boxes he carried totter from his hold, chuckling awkwardly when it finally fell. Talk about people and their eagerness to bring all of their things at once.

You tried not to sound and look awkward as you showed him the whole apartment, and finally his own space, his bedroom. You did everything you need to do to make it look presentable and clean. You don't have any idea if your new roommate is a clean freak, so you did it just to make things sure. You don't want to have a complaining roommate after seeing their room covered in dust and dirt.

"This is nice. I have never seen a room this clean. Or is it because my old roommate is not that of a clean freak." He said, chuckling. You must admit, his laughs are angelic. You never heard a guy laugh that cute. Or maybe because you never tried to make a guy laugh ever. Well Felix, is a different one, guy is scary when he laughs. Felix is the only one you can use to compare with the other guys. It was like, he is your standard of guys as you've never been with others before.

"Uh, yeah. I did clean it well. I don't want my new roommate to see his new room dirty." You said, showing a sheepish smile, hoping you won't look like an idiot to him.

"Nah, it's good. I am happy to know you gave your efforts in cleaning my new room. And as I can see, I think I won't have any problems with dealing with trash. Though I am not that sensitive to it, but, isn't it better to see your place neat? It makes you feel relaxed." He grinned.

Something about him appeases you, the way he is talking to you, it was comforting. As if you guys were already friends. He looks friendly and harmless, someone you can easily approach whenever you're having concerns.

But then again, you tell yourself that typical phrase whenever you meet someone. "looks can be deceiving". Most people tend to act politely whenever they meet with someone unfamiliar. But either way, you'll try your best to have those decent talks with your new roommate.

You don't even know each others' names yet.

"Uhm...Anyways, I'm Y/n! I hope you'll have fun staying here from now on..." You mumbled the last words, encouraging him to continue it by telling his name.

So he flashed you a smile and replied.

"Chan, Bang Chan, or Chris, whichever you like, but Chan is good, though.. I'm certain I will enjoy having you as my roommate, Y/n. And uuh, thank you again for cleaning this for me. I hope pulling my luggage bag inside didn't bother you. I'm sorry again for the small accident earlier, I just want to bring everything inside at once. A habit, yeah?" He chuckled, recalling his habit that led into a small accident at the front door earlier.

"No worries. Doesn't bother me that much.." You admitted. You feel like the atmosphere was slowly getting awkward, the smile on your face is unfortunately faltering. Wanting to not embarrass yourself furthermore, you tried to change the topic, letting him have his own time as he fixed his things.

"Uh, I would like to excuse myself now if you don't mind, so you can fix your things, it's getting a bit late now. So you can also rest." You said, checking the wall clock hanging just beside his bedroom door. The clock reads 10:20 pm and you're feeling a bit sleepy now. Chan just nods, and flashes you a friendly smile.

"Oh yeah, sure! Sorry to delay your sleep, but I'll be good. I'll just fix these tomorrow morning. Good night, y/n."

"Good night, Chan."

Winter has finally started. Just like usual, you were met by lots of people who seemed to enjoy the little droplets of snow that are starting to fall. And good thing your worn out parka (a gift from Lexi almost three years ago) is still holding on, the zipper was already broken yet you were too lazy to get it fixed. Parkas are expensive as hell and you'd rather stick with this one, especially when you're not going out frequently when the season is here.

Grocery shopping went on smoothly, but this time you were alone. Almost three weeks had passed since Lexi left the apartment yet you still feel the longing for your friend, thinking that it won't get rid that easily especially when she's the only person you do this with and many other domestic things you can think of.

You feel all your limbs starting to give out when the view of your apartment door reaches your sight. Walking home from the supermarket is a fun thing to do, but you realized it was only fun when you have a company, specifically Lexi. Having someone help you bring the other bags. It was exhausting, but at least you came home with your complete limbs.

You opened the door softly, you felt like breaking into your own apartment when in fact, you just wanted to see if Chan was in. Almost two weeks of living with him and you still feel shy when he is around. You tried your best to not look awkward whenever you talk, because the last thing you ever wanted was to make him think he's making you uncomfortable when in fact it's not.

Chan is a nice roommate. An organized one, you might add. So far, he never did anything to make you a bit distant to him, you were just shy, and the fact that you do find him attractive just adds to the predicament you were feeling. How can you engage with a long conversation when the first thing you always do is stare at his face? He might think you're weird if ever he noticed that action of yours.

You will pass by Chan's room whenever you go to the kitchen, so when you tried to grab some bottled water for yourself, you heard someone talking, surmising it was Chan. Maybe he's talking to someone as you hear other unfamiliar voices. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but how can you not when you just heard your name in between the conversation?

"I just don't think we can do that now, I moved just two weeks ago, I don't want y/n to be uncomfortable"

"She's my roommate. And I still don't know if it's okay for her if I invite you guys over. Even if I am basically paying the rent too. But I don't want to scare the girl with two other guys she 7barely knew, walking around her house. We're not even that close yet."

Something about Chan talking about you makes you want to hear more. Even if you tried your best to stop, since listening to others' conversation isn't morally right.

"Hmm? Yeah..? She's pretty though, but a bit shy. I don't know why, I want to talk to her more but I feel like she doesn't even want to be near me, yikes." You heard him chuckle. And that's how you stumbled on your feet and almost knocked the big ass vase beside his door.

Nice, just a nice way to expose yourself.

You heard him finish the call as you tried to compose yourself, making sure you didn't look like you were just literally beside his door, listening to his conversation with his friends.

Him calling you cute confused you, you don't have any idea what you did or what you have for him to call you cute. On the other hand, it made you feel ecstatic as if you just won a competition. A person you just find attractive admits that he finds you attractive too, how can you not hyperventilate by it?

Your eyes widen when you heard the doorknob shuffle, your time to run to the kitchen as if nothing happened just ran out before you even try and now you were met by a flabbergasted Chan, because he never expected you to be there, he just literally thought that the sound came from elsewhere and he's curious to check it.

"Oh, hi Y/n. Didn't know you already arrived. Uhm... How may I help you?" Chan's voice seems to ebb away as your eyes start to focus somewhere else, preferably his exposed arms, he was wearing this shirt that was made into a sleeveless one, his arm muscles tensed when he rested his arm on the doorframe, it's like he's literally giving you the honor to check him out. But it's not, of course. He's toned, and even if this is the first time you saw him showing a bit more skin, you knew that he's the type of guy who spends his time at the gym.

Exactly your type.

You were just fished out of your "checking my roommate out" by Chan's voice calling your name, worry etched on his annoying attractive face.

"Is there a problem? Was it the noise I heard a while ago?" He asked and you tried your best to gather yourself up before flashing him a smile. Putting an end to "making yourself embarrassed in front of Chan" again.

"Ah no.. I mean, yeah. I just arrived. Uh, actually I just passed by your room then I almost knocked the vase, sorry if that disturbed you." You said, biting the inside of your cheek. God, you think this the most awkward time you ever had with Chan.

"Are you okay?" He said and took a look at you before looking at the vase that just sits perfectly as if nothing happened. The vase was heavy, and you were more than bemused as to why it made so much noise when you accidentally hit it with your feet.

"Oh yeah, yeah! I'm good. Just a bit clumsy." You assured and gave him a small smile. You were stuck in silence when Chan spoke again.

"Uh, may I ask you something?" Chan started, while you looked at him, urging him to continue.

"Uhm, I know I just moved in here a few weeks ago, but I do want to ask if I can bring my friends here? Like, we really need to finish this project of ours and I am the only one who has the most needed equipment and we need to use it. Uh, I promise we won't make so much noise! Uh, I'll tell the--" Chan stopped his blabbering when you suddenly let out a giggle.

"Of course. You can invite them over, I really don't mind. After all, this is also your house." You said. Realizing this is his issue since earlier while talking to his friends. You really don't mind at all. Lexi also did invite some of her other friends here before, sometimes inviting you over which you gladly did, but most of the time you stay in your room. You can do it with Chan. After all, he has his share of paying everything in this apartment. So he can do whatever he pleases, you just hope he's a bit mindful of his surroundings.

"Oh yeah right, thank you though. Uhm.. Do you have some rules, like things you don't like whenever others come in here? You know what I'm saying?" He questioned and you got it right away. He's really considerate. What a gentleman. Makes you want to just jump at him and kiss his pretty lips.

Oh, that's too much.

He's your roommate, for god's sake.

"Uhm.. Just try not to make too much mess? I'm fine with everything really. Just, that." You shrugged, while he gave you a thumbs up.

"Copy. I assure you, you'll never have a problem with us." Chan grinned. You were slowly running out of ideas to say so you tried to excuse yourself from him, which he gladly let you do so. Too much happened from that short conversation, you think. Him calling you cute, him wanting to talk to you but you were so shy he doesn't know what to do, him almost catching you eavesdropping on him and his friends, you checking him out. You just hoped that he was gullible enough to not notice your lingering stares on his arms, to not make yourself embarrassed. Too much for you, eh?

Can you really keep up with your attractive roommate?

The day Chan's friends decided to come over was just as peaceful as you want it to be. Except his other friend, Jisung if you weren't mistaken, has been the noise provider in the once peaceful apartment, together with Chan's other friend, Changbin.

Chan apologizes over and over again for his friends' enthusiasm, things that you really don't mind at all.

And as promised, Chan and his friends stayed inside his room to work on their project. You just knew he's a music major, and it was dead obvious as you always hear him play different tunes, some music that's pleasant to the ears, you even had a favorite one, the one he was playing last night, the same music they're currently working on.

Chan just casually playing those music for free, makes you wonder how he looks whenever he works over something. Is he the serious leader type? Is he the one to goof around but does work well? Or is he the quiet one while working but then surprises you with his amazing ideas.

Whatever it may be, it still makes your heart pound as if you just ran a mile. But why is that? Just thinking about him makes your mind go haywire, are you having a crush on your roommate?

It's incredulous, isn't it?

"I just thought about it but, do you know someone named Lee Felix?" Jisung asked you as he munched his pizza. After working, Chan had invited you to eat pizza with them, ordered right after they finished work. At first you were hesitant, since you weren't really that close, and you really don't have any idea how to open a conversation with them. But the persistence his friends have was indelible, so you just gave in and joined them, and good thing their chattiness saved your sorry ass. Chan was also talkative, one thing you didn't expect. Maybe because he's around his friends. But he's not like the other two, they seem like they have endless topics brought with them.

"Hm, yeah. He's my classmate, why?" You replied, his mouth making an "O" shape as if he realized something.

"I knew it. That's why you look familiar! You were always with Felix after his classes. You may not see me but I always see you with him." He mused,

"Oh wait, that sounded creepy. But yeah, I saw someone with him, and I realized it was you." he continued. You tried to recall all the times you were with Felix and bump into someone he knew, but you don't remember a thing. Maybe because you were busy thinking what activity you'll do next or what will Lexi cook for dinner.

"Oh well, sorry for not remembering a thing, but are you related to him? Like, friends?" You questioned and Jisung nodded his head in response, pointing at Chan who was walking out of the kitchen, his mouth full of pizza and his hands holding a bottle of water. Like a deer caught in headlights, you chuckled at his astounded look.

"What? Why're you pointing at me?" Chan raised his eyebrows at Jisung who was unfazed by his friend's dirty look.

"Felix is Chan's cousin. They basically lived together in Australia when they were kids. I wonder why Felix never told you about Chan. You guys just met when Chan moved in here right?" Changbin said and pointed at the two of you, you nod in response.

Changbin was right, you didn't know but you felt a bit betrayed by Felix. He was also as talkative as the three, but never mentioned about his hot cousin to you. But what was the reason in the first place? Why does Felix need to mention his cousin to you?

But you just brushed it off, after all, Chan is already your roommate.

Maybe you can ask Felix about his cousin's ideal type, maybe you can learn a thing or two.

And asking Felix wasn't the best resort at all. It wasn't an option, per se. Your two eyes can see obviously what he likes in everything. Man, you live with the guy. You can literally learn a thing or two, if you were heedful of your surroundings.

Eventually, you become comfortable with Chan, as he is to you. One question and one answer now led into breathy laughs in between long conversations. One asked about their day, and eventually it turned into long talks. You were ecstatic about the progress of your roommate relationship with Chan, and when you say progress, your feelings also go with the flow.

You finally admitted that you have a crush on your roommate, it was very obvious that Chan is likeable. Aside from Felix, he's the nicest guy you've ever met, his attitude from the very first time you guys met never changed, and you appreciate it.

You were busy cleaning your room when you heard some soft knocks against your door. You were shocked to see Chan peeking from the outside, wanting to call your attention.

"Hey, Chan. Is there anything I can help you with?" You said as you placed your freshly washed clothes on your bed. He seemed to hesitate answering so you beckon him to go in, as he did eventually.

"Are you busy?" He asked, eyeing those clothes placed on your bed.

"Oh, not really. Will just place these clothes in the cabinet and I'm done. Why?" You asked him. You didn't know if you were just seeing things or his cheeks flushed a bit red before speaking.

"Uhm. I cooked some pancakes and made some hot chocolates for snacks. It's getting a bit cold here and I'm hungry. If you want I can bring you some here." Chan mused. A bashful smile painted on his face. You were speechless for a moment before you gave him a nod.

"Oh! That's very nice of you. But we can just eat it together in the kitchen." You replied.

"Really? I can just bring you some here while you finish what you were doing. Or I can just leave some for you." He insisted but you just shook your head.

"Nah, I'm fine. I can finish this later. It's very impolite of me if I'll do that. And besides, I do feel hungry now that you mentioned pancakes and hot chocolate." You giggled. Chan let out a sigh of relief and invited you to go with him in the kitchen which you gladly did, leaving all the clothes unattendedly and all the other things you need to do. Chan invited me to eat with him, organizing my things can wait.

No wonder you heard some shuffling in the kitchen a while ago, it was just him trying to cook some food. It surprised you that Chan can cook, since he's always busy. Either in his room or out with his friends, telling you that he'll just eat outside or finish his work that you'll never know if he's already done since you always hear him in his room, but it's all fine.

Maybe he's just a man who is passionate about his work.

After minutes of arguing that you'll just get your own food, you sat down on the chair as Chan prepared both your and his food, telling you that he was the one who invited you.

Looking at him, his broad back facing you, his shoulders tensing as he continues to move around, made you feel those weird feelings inside your stomach. It may be bizarre, but it felt good, just right.

Imagining him as the caring boyfriend who takes good care of you, cooking you food whenever he wants to, surprising you every morning with those butterfly kisses around your face. Just the perfect relationship every person wishes to have.

While you make your own world of fantasies, the boy who was the subject of it was staring at you weirdly. Hiding the smile on his face as he looked at your flabbergasted one when he called again your attention, the look on your face as if you were caught doing something illegal made him giggle, but he tried to hide it.

"Thinking of something?" He questioned, a smile now visible on his face. You tried to focus your attention on him once again, shaking away all of the thoughts of him from your mind before answering.

"Uuh, just thinking what will these pancakes taste like, also the hot chocolate." You replied, he scoffed jokingly as he placed your plate of pancakes, drizzled with maple syrup and whipped cream on top.

"And now you're acting like some masterchef judge, or aren't you Gordon Ramsay's daughter?" he joked.

"Hmm, what if I am?" You remarked. He just shrugged and let out a giggle, his dimples apparent on his face, making him look more cute and soft.

Aah, can you not act cute, just for once?

"Hmm. I guess I'm honored and nervous at the same time, have a taste then, Ms. so-called daughter of Gordon Ramsay." He mused.

You happily indulged yourself with the still warm pancakes, humming as the mix of its softness and the sweet taste of maple syrup excites your taste buds, immediately giving a thumbs up to Chan. He flashed you a wide grin before eating some of his own.

"Didn't know you cook this good, Channie." You blurt out, not realizing that you called him in a different way, you were busy delving in his pancakes.

"Not you doubting my cooking skills." Chan replied. Little did you know, Chan was having a little heart attack from the new nickname you gave him out of the blue, yet you still haven't realized it.

"And, I didn't know I had a new nickname now." Chan mused and let out a chuckle. Confused, your eyebrows furrowed until seconds later you realized what you just said a while ago.

"Never heard someone call me that, even my friends." He admitted. Even his close friends never called him that. And he's glad that someone like you managed to get him a nickname, one thing that he'll never mind at all, especially if it's only you.

"Uh-- okay. I didn't realize it. Sorry" You mumbled, but Chan still managed to hear it.

"No worries, Channie is cute though. I love it." Your eyes widen as you bring your gaze back to him, while his smile never falters. It's true, Chan loves it. In fact, he wishes you'll just call him by it everyday. It felt like an addition to his energy.

"Uh, d'you like the hot chocolate?" Chan changed the topic before he felt the silence envelop you.

You did taste the hot chocolate and it was good, the warmth of the drink seeped into you, making you relax. Winter was still ongoing and you're glad that besides ramen and tea, you found yourself a different way of relaxing and making you warm during the season. One point for making a hot chocolate for a cold season.

"Yep! It was so good! So sweet, I love it. Actually I tried making this but I failed big time, I added too much cocoa, it was bitter." You giggled, remembering the first time you tried doing a hot chocolate, Lexi almost barf making you realize you shouldn't make a hot chocolate drink by yourself.

Chan snorted, trying to contain his laugh when he saw you glaring at him.

"Good thing I can make one. I can be your savior," He said, his eyebrows moving up and down.

"If you insist, actually your hot chocolate is my new favorite now." You confessed. Chan is like hot chocolate, warm, and sweet. He feels homely because of his warm and sweet nature. No wonder you felt comfortable around him in no time. He never once made you feel ill at ease. A pure green flag. That is Chan to you.

Felix went to your apartment several times in the past, but most of it was for school purposes. Activities wherein you were partners, but most of the time he just wants to do it with you, for the sake of copying some of your answers which you don't mind.

But the reason why he is at your apartment today is unusual. And it is the first time he has hung out with you in winter. Weird it may be, but it just happened that way. Lexi and Felix knew each other of course because of the seldom visiting in the past, but not as close as you with being friends with the both of them.

When Felix knew that your new roommate is his cousin, he immediately messaged you saying he'll visit one of these days. It was a long time ago but the free time he only has is now, due to his part time job at the restaurant near his apartment.

There is a fat chance of the cousins meeting at the apartment, but now isn't. Chan went out early to go to his friend's place. And that's the time Felix finally told you that he'll come over.

And here you are, in the kitchen while Felix let you make a room of chaos by helping him make brownies, but sooner he just made you sit and told to watch him. One thing that you agreed on since baking isn't really your thing.

You were too immersed with your phone when you suddenly heard Felix greet someone.

"Hey! You're back!" Your head immediately turned to Chan who looked flabbergasted seeing his cousin being busy in his kitchen.

He then turned his gaze to you, then threw a smile at your direction which you immediately reciprocated.

"You're early…?" You questioned. Chan told you that he will stay at his friend's place for a few hours since they were planning to make a new song, so you assumed he'll be back at night, and it is still afternoon.

"Hmm. Jisung's mom called him for help, so we just finished it there, then we'll continue for some time. It's really not that necessary to finish the song." Chan replied. You were about to speak when you remembered you had another person inside your home.

"What does it feel like when someone replies to your greeting, yeah? 'Oh hello Felix! How are you? It's been a long time? Are you having fun here with Y/n?' Something like that, no?" Felix scoffed, his eyes rolling when Chan giggled.

Chan went to give his cousin a light bump on his shoulders, apologizing for not greeting him back.

"Sorry dude, I mean, we just saw each other a few days ago." Chan bantered but Felix replied with a raise of a brow.

"Okay. I'll just let it pass, who wouldn't be distracted when you saw y/n first, right?" He quipped, flashing a smirk directed at Chan who was failing to keep a smile. In the end, he just smacked his cousin's arm again. Feeling himself shrinking at the lowkey showing of adoration for y/n.

Chan knew his roommate was pretty, in and out. He has been harboring appreciation for the girl. Even at that point his friends were pushing him to ask you for a date. But he never did. For him, it was too early to ask you. Living together with you is just as right as rain. Getting to know you, see you, and have more time with you is more than enough for him.

Chan left to go to his room after exchanging a few banters with Felix. And finally, the brownies were already done. So you took all of the baked brownies with you and went to the living room, with Felix hot on your trail, a tub of ice cream on his arm.

"Excuse me, Miss y/n, don't finish all of the brownies please." Felix protested when he saw you continuously eating the bite size brownies, worried that you might finish it all.

It was a minute's worth of fussing over brownies. Of course you were never the greedy one, you just wanted to tease Felix, you ate several pieces, then gave the plate to him, you grabbed some for Chan, but you don't have any idea when he'll come out of his room so you just set aside his brownies.

And the big fat silence took you over. Save for Felix's music playing through his phone. You don't feel like watching tv, and neither do he. You were having fun with your brownies when Felix once again executed his talent: asking questions out of the blue.

"Hey, I wanted to know what you think about my cousin?" You snorted as soon as you heard his question. When he does look serious with his question, and it seems like he is really waiting for an answer, you replied.

"Huh? As a roommate?" You asked. Felix cocked his eyebrow at you, as if silently judging you.

He wasn't clear with his question per se.

"Of… course. Why? You wanna tell me what you think of him as a guy?" And now Felix's face morphed into something akin to ludicrous.

"You weren't clear with the question, oh please." You cried. With the way you were acting and Felix being the best tormenter ever, you can envision yourself telling Felix what you feel about his cousin.

"Oh-kay! Fine. What do you think of him as a roommate?" Felix asked again.

"Okay, I think he's the best roommate I ever had. Very clean, he never leaves a place that contains his mess--" You were speaking when Felix suddenly interrupted your commentary.

"Wait, more than Lexi?" Felix remarked. You know he was just teasing you, Felix knows how much you love Lexi and you were just overstating because it was Chan.

"What?? Of course not! I mean, I have the same feelings for them as a roommate. Maybe I just like the thought of Chan being a good guy who respects others, like his roommate. Besides you, I never interacted so much with guys, but if it's Chan, I think it's okay. I am so comfortable with him, and he's too much of a… gentleman." You remembered the time when you walked in to Chan being shirtless in the kitchen. You don't remember how many times he said sorry for not wearing a shirt. You were just shocked, oh Lord. He's just too sexy to look at. He might think of you as a creep.

Him saying sorry for being comfortable is so dreadful.

Even if you told him too many times that night that it was okay, he still wore a shirt the next day. And that made you feel bad. That time you reminded yourself not to freak out by seeing a guy flashing his half naked body.

But how can you do that? Knowing that it was him was rendering you speechless.

"Uhm.. earth to y/n?" Felix snapped his fingers in front of you, making you go back to your trance. Stop thinking about him. Do it like it was easy, huh.

"Oh.. sorry." You chuckled awkwardly, you felt like you were getting smaller. Even though you won't tell him, Felix noticed that you were off the wall when you started talking about Chan.

"Do you like my cousin?" Again, you were knocked senseless by his question.

Are you really getting questioned by Felix? By your roommate's cousin? In your own apartment? With your roommate in question, which is currently present here?

"W-what? Why are you asking me that?" You chuckled awkwardly, you felt like your mind had gone blank by the sudden questioning. You weren't even sure if you really like, as in like Chan. You just knew you found him attractive.

"Chan has been a nice person ever since, but there's something with the way you talk about him." He said, as if he's that certain with his assumption.

"Maybe because he's just being a gentleman, and I appreciate that, that's it." You replied shortly. Maybe you were really just admiring his personality. You deemed guys being the not gentleman type, except Felix. Many of your female acquaintances told you stories about guys who were being a pain in the ass and just plain rude. And maybe that's one of the reasons why you abstain yourself from talking to other guys, second is just you were a major awkward person.

Felix stared at you for a good minute before smiling and greeted Chan, who went out with his hair damp, maybe he just took a shower then decided to go out.

"Yo Chris, Y/n saved you some brownies, that's for being the best roommate." Felix sneered as you smack him playfully on his arm.

You turned your gaze to Chan and saw a small smile on his face which you immediately reciprocated.

Oh, a thought passed by your mind, did he hear you and Felix talking about him?

You wish he didn't.

A month has passed yet the winter season is still on the run. You were in the supermarket with Chan who just hopped in since he wanted to buy some of his basic necessities and foods he shares with you in the fridge.

You were checking your list when you felt an arm draped over your shoulder. Too stunned, you didn't turn your head right away, to see if it's really him. Because you can literally smell the familiar scent of his calming perfume. And one thing that you wanted to do right now is to just snuggle your face between his neck and sniff his scent, sounds creepy but that's what on your mind right now.

"How about this one, y/n? I think we can make kimchi jjigae for tonight? What do you think?" Chan asked you, turning your gaze sidewards to see his face. Even though you can literally hear your heartbeat loud.

Is it because of the proximity? Or solely because of Chan?

Trying not to sound and look awkward, you patted his hand softly, telling him that you were fine with it. You have no idea if you were just feeling things, but you felt his arms tensed when you pat it.

"Of course, but you'll cook okay? You were the one who's confident with their kimchi jjigae." You grinned. You weren't confident with what you, you were even shocked you managed to contain yourself while being that close with Chan.

Chan didn't even know where he got that confidence. He was panic-stricken when Y/n didn't look back at him, and he really felt how she frozed when he did that. But when Y/n patted his arm lightly, he knew that she was fine, and his heart was beating passionately he could hear it. But he acted cool, for the sake of his pride and unspoken feelings.

He remember the time where Felix asked Y/n if she likes him and heard her answer, he felt the world ground right below his feet. He knew that her answer probably meant no. She does appreciate him, and he knows that it isn't the same as like, that doesn't mean she likes him as him, and not the person she lives with.

Maybe acting like cool friends won't hurt. Oh, maybe a little, for him.

Going back to the apartment is not that complicated, you hailed a cab because riding a bus back home while bringing those grocery bags isn't the best idea at all.

Since Chan knew how to make kimchi jjigae better, he was working alone in the kitchen when Y/n suddenly appeared, shrouded herself with her usual comfortable shirt, her hair tied up in a bun. Something with the way she looks screams domesticity to Chan. A girlfriend watching her boyfriend cook their dinner. The thought alone made Chan smile. Being able to live with her as a roommate is more than enough.

Even if he knew they weren't feeling the same.

But why does he feel like she was staring right into his soul?

You were so amazed by seeing Chan work in the kitchen. He moves dexterously, as if he's really been doing this ever since. Just by looking at him, you can feel your heartbeat briskly again. Everytime you see Chan, there's this familiar feeling that grows as time passes by.

Do you still deny yourself for falling for Chan?

Truthfully speaking, as days passed by and the more you knew about your roommate, the more you slowly realized that you were indeed, in love with your roommate. This wasn't just simply a roommate appreciation feeling.

It was entirely the same as you expected.

"Okay Chan, I feel like you used to be a chef in your past life." You giggle as you once again slurp again the savory soup of the kimchi jjigae. Chan scoffed jokingly as he took a spoonful of rice from his food.

"Maybe I am. I do appreciate your kind words." Chan replied. You were finally done with dinner and it was such a nice one since whenever you eat with Chan, it was filled with fun and giggles here and there. There was no dull dinner with Chan.

There was a raging snowstorm as per the weather forecast and you were more than irked knowing that there will be lots of snow outside.

"I'll wash the dishes Channie. You go to the living room, I'll be in charge here." You said as you gathered the empty plates and pots. Putting it all on the kitchen sink, while you saw Chan open the fridge and grab a can of drink.

"Want some beer?" Chan asked as he showed you the can on his hand. It was the beers he bought from the grocery earlier.

"Out of the sudden?" You chuckled at him. It was unusual for Chan to drink beer on a random night. He once told you that he does drink whenever he's at parties. So why beer?

He then shrugged and flashed you a toothy smile.

"Oh, it does help me warm up. It's chilly here. I don't mind having beer, how about you?" Chan stated. It isn't weird, because beer does help you warm up on the inside, and you don't mind consuming one tonight, so you gave Chan a thumbs up before he nodded at you and went to the living room, with two bottles of beer in his hands.

You were never confident with your alcohol tolerance, every memory was shared with embarrassment, so as much as possible, you did drink responsibly. You want to have some time with Chan. You know you can always say no to him, but consuming a bottle won't hurt. Besides, it really does help you warm up.

"Isn't it weird if I drink beer on a winter night instead of coffee or hot chocolate?" Chan chuckled as he chugged on his beer. You knew how much Chan detest coffee, just like you with winter.

"Not really, I know how much you hate coffee, and we just ran out of hot chocolate. Actually, this is new, but I don't hate it. It's been a long time since I last drank beer. But I never expected it to be on a winter night though." You said making the boy laugh.

"But it is fun!" He countered.

"Yeah, yeah. I just hate that the time was winter. I hope spring comes soon. I hate this season anyway." You accidentally slipped your detestment for winter. You can see how his face morphed into confusion, the bottle sitting on his hand before asking.

"Huh? Why, though? Winter is great! How can you dislike winter?" Chan wondered. For him, winter is great for cuddling. He loves to warm himself up together with his loved ones. Winter is a great time for hot chocolate, too.

Winter is great and better especially when you're with someone who you care for. Giving the warmth that they deserve on a cold winter night.

"I just hate it. I don't know why people are so happy whenever winter comes. It's snowing hard yet they still enjoy it. Or is it just me, because I really hate playing in the snow?" You wondered, ever since you were a kid, you never understood the fun of playing in the snow. It was cold, and probably it'll make you sick.

"Nah, all I see, be it kids or adults, loves playing in the snow." Chan replied. You just smiled sadly as you realized you never once played in the snow ever since you were a kid. You just don't have someone to play with.

"Oh, maybe I was just being bitter." You chuckled as you played with your bottle. Ah, the memories of the past still haunt you big time.

Winter never did anything to you in the first place, it was just a season that passed by every year. It's just that, someone did taint them badly for you to hate it.

Chan suddenly felt the atmosphere shift into something different. He didn't know if it was because of the alcohol but he can feel that Y/n has something running into her mind right now. He never knew that she disliked the current season. He never knew that she's probably bringing something into her chest. There should be a reason, at least. But if she never wanted to talk about it, who is he to push her more?

But he just wanted to try his luck, maybe he can be a bit of help, even with just the little things.

He can see how much Y/n contemplates with herself.

"Hmm.. there must be a reason. Do you… want to share it?" Chan carefully asked and saw if Y/n would respond. He knows he's not yet drunk, save for his high tolerance, he can really listen and understand what Y/n would say.

He can be the good listener he always had been.

The thing that bugs you up to this day, whenever winter comes was never shared with anyone else, even Felix, and Lexi. Your father has always been taking care of you, showing you that he can be the best parent you need to have. Filling in the role of a person you love, but left you in spite of that.

"I trust you enough to tell this, Channie." You sighed and gave him a smile.

"The night is young, pretty, go ahead."

Your mom has been your role model ever since. Being the most caring mother that she is, always taking care of you and your older brother, Lucas. She always puts you and your brother first in everything before herself. The most selfless mother you've known.

Your parents had an "okay" relationship when they were together. Doing what every parent should do for their children. You were still a kid back then, so everything you saw made you think that your parents do love each other like every other parents you see from your friends.

Until one day, and it was the start of winter, right after you came back from the mall with your father, you saw your mom packing up her things, altogether with your brother's clothes. You were starting to wonder why, not until your father blurted out the words you never expected him to say. Because all you know is that they love each other.

"Go, leave us. I bet you are happy now, you feel free, yeah? Go ahead. I hope you'll be a good mother to that bastard's son. Why did I even marry a cheater?"

When you were a kid, the words that you only understood the words leave, good, and happy.

You never understood why your mother and brother have to leave you both. Is there something wrong? Does your mother hate you? Do they hate living with you now? Why did they have to leave?

Does your mother still love you?

As you grow up, you finally understand all the reasons, your mind slowly opening up to the fact that not everyone's family was made to be perfect. Your father explained to you how your mother cheated on him when they were still together. Giving birth to your brother whom he thought was his real son. A thing that your mother kept until she got pregnant with you.

Your father was hurt so much by knowing that kind information, but he never regretted loving your brother. The fact that your mother managed to cheat and stayed with him while she's out there doing some kind of infidelity shattered his heart. He did anything to love your mother but all he ever received was pain.

Now that you knew it, it still made you hurt, remembering that cold winter night where your mother was nowhere to be found, you all alone in your small room crying. The experience was traumatic, but you slowly coped with it. But the hate for the season stayed, as well the memory of your mother leaving you.

"I never liked the coldness of the winter. It's because I remember how much I cried for my mother, because every winter, she used to stay with me until I fell asleep, together with my brother. Up until now, it still haunts me. So sorry for killing your joy whenever winter comes." You chuckled as you down the remaining beer from your bottle.

"You know, you never say sorry for your trauma. You didn't want that. No one likes to be left behind. And if hating winter does help you cope up, so be it. It was never a bother for me anyway. Don't be worried about it." Chan said and gave you a heartwarming smile.

That, that smile is what makes the past cold nights turn into weeks, then months of warmth and cozyness. There were no dull and cold nights whenever you're with Chan. In fact, having him here together with you is what makes you feel better on those cold nights. He never made you feel alone. And you were grateful for having him here with you.

And you were grateful for having those warm fuzzy feelings in your stomach that felt just right. Even if it makes your heart pound like crazy.

"You know.." you started, your eyes focused on the bottle in your hands. While Chan trained his eyes on your figure, waiting for you to continue.

"These past few months, I never felt this happy. I had my share of hate for the season, but I think it's okay now that you're here. So thank you." You said and you can literally feel your cheeks heat up, so you did your best not to lift your face. Not wanting to have any embarrassment happening.

You heard his small gasp and it made you smile. This was shocking for him, you can tell, but it's the truth.

"Uhm.. I don't think I did anything to make you feel better in this season, but I'm glad to know I did some kind of help. It means a lot to me, you know." Chan said and scratched the back of his neck, he can also feel his cheeks heating up. The weather was cold yet their cheeks felt hot at the very moment.

To be someone's comfort is relieving for Chan. Even if he doesn't know what kind of comfort he brings to Y/n, he's glad that she's been comfortable and open to him now. All he knows is that everyone has a struggle with something, and not everyone has the same problem every day. So we need to be kind to everyone.

A principle he had brought with him ever since he was a kid.

But now that Y/n opens up more about herself, he can't help but to be more caring for her. He just wanted her to be happy, just like how he has been ever since he met her.

"You know, I still have something to tell you. I don't know what will happen after but I wanted to tell you this." You started. And you already had warned yourself that you don't have any good relationship with alcohol, yet you still pursue this. There's something with drinking alcohol that makes you do something on a whim.

Is it called confidence?

Nah, you'll just see if you regret doing this tomorrow.

"Hm? What is it? Should I be worried?" Chan giggled. He was confused but at the same time, anxiousness bubbled up on his stomach. He was still sober, in truth, he never consumed all of the alcohol, too engrossed with Y/n.

That's what love is.

"Uhm… I… Whenever we're together, like this.. I can't help but feel this weird thing. I don't know if it's out of appreciation for your roommate or what. But I don't hate it. It feels good. And I don't want it gone. Is it a crush? love? or just pure appreciation?" You said and Chan clearly hears how obscure your feelings are. Yet, the feeling of excitement is more prominent than worry for your confused feelings. It's dangerous on his side, he knows, yet he can't help but to think that maybe you feel the same for him.

"Are… are you sure? Or is it because you're drunk, Y/n?" Chan asked as he checked on you. When you didn't answer, he stood from the couch across and sat beside you. He looked at you first, before trying to reach your hand, when he didn't feel any sign of hesitation, he slowly squeezed it, trying to make you look at him.

"Tell me, are you sure with what you're saying? Or you're just babbling words?" Chan said and he can feel the frustration in his voice. He didn't want to look and sound frustrated, but the hope in his heart pushed him to do so, he wanted to know if you feel the same or not. Heck, he wanted to kiss you right now, but he doesn't know if it's okay with you. Of course! Who would want to kiss their roommate even without having any romantic relationship?

"I may be drunk, Channie. But I tend to remember the things I say and do when I'm drunk." You muttered and stared at him. When he didn't answer, you continued speaking, telling him the most kept secret you feel about him.

"You know, I do believe that drunk minds speak sober thoughts, and don't worry, I don't feel like I'll regret doing this tomorrow, because I really wanted to tell you that I like you, heck, maybe I already love you, Channie." You finally said it, feeling those weird things happening inside you again. And the goddamn heartbeat that goes fast, whenever he's near with you.

You can see how his face lightens up at the moment, you were never sure about body language, but you felt like he does feel the same.

"Can… Can I kiss you?" Chan was hesitating to ask this, but now that you already told him what you feel, he tried his luck, and when you nodded your head and squeezed his hand. Not wanting to say any words, because you don't trust yourself enough now.

You can feel his face inching closer with yours, his warm breath that smells like the alcohol you just drank. His breath, his gaze, the proximity, and the situation makes you even more drunk. And your mind blanks as soon as you feel his lips plant on yours.

So this is how his lips felt like.

It was so soft, just how you always thought of it, it was like caressing your skin. The fact that your lips were chapped didn't make you conscious because all you were thinking is that, you felt those feelings again, but ten times stronger and it you were fully aware that it was Chan kissing you.

You can feel yourself slowly melting into the kiss. It was pure delight, and you must admit that you never felt this way before. Too grateful that you were feeling this way with Chan and not every other guy.

You can feel his hands moving to your nape, guiding your head carefully as he leaned in more, feeling his lips move oh so slowly as if he was afraid to break you.

Chan finally pulls out, his eyes still closed as he catches his breath, his cheeks dusted with a shade of pink.

His hands never let go of you, as he planted it on your cheeks, making you lean on his touch. You too, were speechless for a bit as you catch your breath, also making it as an excuse for what you just felt, still shy to admit that you were indeed in love with Chan, even though you just voiced it out a few minutes ago.

"So…" Chan started. He was still ecstatic by the fact that she reciprocates the same feelings. His mind went haywire when they finally shared an intimate moment together. A feeling that Chan only dreamt of, not expecting it to happen in real life.

It was like Y/n is a dream come true.

Chan's hand wrapped around yours once again, molding it with yours as if it was meant to be there. You shared a minute of staring at each other before Chan managed to speak.

"You don't have to worry, Channie. Didn't you know you're likeable? I bet every girls you met had a crush on you, but I am the one blessed, I guess." You chuckled. You were certain, with this attractive face and a beau ideal of a boyfriend, Chan had unconsciously made every girls at his beck and call.

"I'm so happy to know you feel that way, because honestly? I feel the same way for you. I was afraid I am the only one harboring feelings but here you are." He shrugged and plant a peck on your knuckles.

"So.. Does this mean we're dating now?" Chan said once he pulled out of the kiss, again running out of breath. There's something about feeling your lips against his makes him want to go more.

Maybe it was because of the alcohol, or pure adoration, or it can be both but you felt yourself leaning closer to Chan until you felt his lips against yours.

Someone like Chan was the person you ever wish to share a romantic relationship yet the one you didn't expect to come. He's too good to be true. But you love it, and you'll make sure not to let it out of your grasp.

"Come on, isn't it obvious?" You chuckled while he just shrugged and hugged you, making you surprised, but relaxed eventually. He's so warm, just like how you always thought about him.

"Okay, so are you in for an outdoor date tomorrow? I may love what we have here, but I wanted to go out and spend my time with you besides going to the grocery store." Chan said, making you chuckle. He's not wrong. You went out with him several times now, but it was all for the sake of groceries.

Having to spend time outside on a winter day with Chan? Nothing gets better than that.

"Of course. I would love to spend a day with you outside, on a winter day."

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