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nana-gumi · 4 months

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thinking of you g.satoru

pairings: gojo satoru x fem! reader

cw: angst / comfort, failed marriage, having delusions/hallucinations, mental illness, self harm, naoya zenin (yes he's a warning), manipulation, no curses au, businessman! gojo, arranged marriage mentioned, mentions of abuse, trash family (as usual), suggestive ending! not proofread hehe

a/n: i based this au from katy perry's 'thinking of you' you can listen while reading! also currently obsessed with this blue-eyed king :'(

everything was perfect, your marriage with gojo satoru was already perfect, but then he suddenly wanted a divorce and you couldn't do anything about it. your parents ended up forcing you to marry a man from another powerful clan, naoya zenin.

gojo satoru was too perfect for you. that was your first thought when you married the man.

even though it was an arranged marriage, gojo satoru wasn't as bad as you thought he would be.

rumors says that he was ruthless, cocky, and he thinks too high of himself, to which is true, but gojo satoru has a side that only you knew, his wife.

everything was perfect, your relationship with gojo satoru was already perfect, but why did it end up him filing divorce?

when satoru told you about the divorce, you couldn't do anything about it anymore. you couldn't even ask him about it, not when satoru never came home for a week, leaving you alone to drown in your thoughts.

what pushed him to file a divorce? where you not enough or did he found someone better than you? you hoped it's the first one because you didn't want to see satoru happy with someone that isn't you.

when satoru came back, you didn't have a choice but to sign the papers.

not once did he talk to you, or explain everything to you. he just watched you sign the paper.

satoru sat across you as he played with the pen on his hand.

"here." you muttered with a hoarse voice as you pushed the folder infront of him and satoru only stared at the paper before closing it.

he stood up, fixing his tuxedo as he took the folder in his hand and turned around. but you wouldn't let him, not when he didn't explain everything to you. you didn't want a divorce in the first place.

"satoru." you called, standing up at the chair as well as he glanced back at you. "satoru.." you called again but this time, your voice was pleading.

satoru gulped the lump in his throat as he looked back infront of him and looked down on the ground.

"i don't want this, satoru." you said as you walked close to him. "say something please, why? what happened?" at this point, you couldn't stop anymore as you spilled every question that you've been keeping for the week that he was gone. "did you- did you find someone?" you asked, looking down on the ground as if you were ashamed of your question.

"i don't need you anymore," he said, but those simple words never failed to put an ache in your chest.

"what?" you said in disbelief.

"don't make me repeat myself." he said with a sigh.

it was silent for a moment and satoru was taken aback when you pulled him by his wrist.

he watched as you place your wedding ring on his palms.

"i don't think i can keep this." you said as you look at his blue eyes, hoping that he would take back everything.

"keep it." he said as you shake your head.

"it's expensive, right?" you said as you sighed deeply. "take care, satoru. our times together, i hope some of it were genuine and real." you said before leaving his penthouse.

i don't need you anymore. did satoru only agree to the marriage because he needed something from you? did he finally get what he wanted? but-

satoru did love me at some point, right? at least he did. you said to yourself as you hit your head with your hand, trying to remove the negative thoughts and forcing yourself to think of the positive ones.

you wonder what satoru wanted from you? was it really from you or your family's business?

you pinched yourself, hoping and praying that everything was just a dream, and you'll wake up with satoru beside you, kissing you, telling you how much you mean to him, unaware of your tears coming out of your eyes.

"you had one job! the gojo clan was already in our grasp, how could you let that man file a divorce! you're such a failure." your mother said but your mind was still left in your shared home with satoru, you were still processing the whole divorce incident as you stare at the ground, his last words playing inside your head like a broken radio.

"what are you crying for!" she said, a scoff leaving her mouth. "i knew you were useless for this job, i should've let your sister marry that vicious man." you mother muttered as she massaged her temples.

what job was your mother even talking about? you were opposed with their objectives when you married gojo satoru. they wanted the money and power, but you just wanted to be loved, which even satoru couldn't give you. maybe you really are a failure.

you stayed in your dark room countless nights with your mind was somewhere and your heart? gojo satoru took it with him. he took your heart, and you were left with nothing.

"satoru.." you mumbled, caressing the cold empty spot beside you, thinking that he was there, lying beside you with that toothy grin on his face.

you smiled as you hugged his imaginary figure. you were going insane, creating an image of him in your mind to cope up.

you hugged him as tight as you could but, in the end, it was just you and your cold pillow.

"this is her?" naoya zenin said as he crossed his legs. "looks like she just got out of the jungle." he said, laughing at his own words.

your mother laughs nervously as she forced you to stand infront of her. "i told you to get dressed!" she whisper-yelled on your ear before going back from forcing a laugh. "ah yes, this my youngest daughter, she's still not in her right mind. you know, that gojo satoru ended things with her." your mother said that caught the zenin's interest.

"oh? gojo satoru, huh?" he said a smirk making its way to his lips. "fine, i accept your proposal."

"but mama! satoru and i are married!"

"shut up! you're sick in the head."

"no!" you said as you pushed her, her back hitting the couch as she was forced to sit down.

"how could you push me!" she said, gripping your forearm as you whined in pain. "i'm selling you off to the zenin's! you better do your job better this time." she said as you shake your head.

"satoru will be sad mama..." you mumbled as tears started to gather in your eyes. your mother can only scoff, convinced that you've hit your head and gone insane.

"satoru answer please." you cried. you already called him multiple times but all were left unanswered and yet you still refused to give up. "please.." you tried and tried, until the number blocked you.

so this is where it ends.

a curse left your mouth as you squeezed your hair with your fingers.

"gojo satoru wasted a gem like you." naoya zenin said as he clicked his tongue, sliding his finger on your jaw to your lips. "it's his lost, darling." he said, giving your lips a peck. it was disgusting but you couldn't do anything about it as you let him.

naoya kissed you but all you could think of was satoru. the way naoya hugs you, satoru's hugs were the most comfortable. his words were not as sweet as satoru's. everything naoya does to you, satoru could only be the person in your mind.

the marriage was private, only your and his relatives were around to witness.

it's been a month and you're still hoping that satoru would suddenly appear and take you away, but as more months passed by, your starting to lose hope.

you cupped naoya's cheeks in your hands as you leaned your forehead against his.

"satoru." you mumbled as you smiled and then a yelp left your mouth when you were pushed.

"that's too cruel, (name). stop calling me satoru, don't compare me with that piece of garbage." naoya said, squeezing your cheeks with his fingers. "listen, gojo dumped you, even used you! he did not see the real you, he did not realize how precious you are, and it's me! only I saw it. forget about that trash, this is not about him."

shut up!

"okay, i will. sorry naoya." shut up!

"yeah? that's it, clever girl."

"satoru!" you jolted awake from a nightmare as you looked around the room.

"it's naoya, darling."

"oh, s-sorry! i didn't mean-"

"shh, it's fine."

"i'm sorry naoya.."

"like i said, it's fine." he said as he smirked at your helpless situation. "a kiss in exchange."

"come on, say it."

"i love you.." you gulped the lump in your throat as you tried to get up from his lap, but he stopped you before you could even move.

"hm?" he hummed, caressing your waist with his hands.

"n-naoya."

"say that again."

"i love you, naoya."

"there we go. i love you too."

"we hate him, right? he's our enemy." naoya said as you hummed in response, but that wasn't enough for naoya. "say it."

"gojo satoru is a piece of trash."

"right? he is." he said as he chuckled.

"why did you hurt yourself?" naoya said as he caressed the fresh scars on your wrist. "see what that man does to you? he's poisoning your mind!" naoya cooed as he wiped the tears in your cheeks. "i'm here, you don't need him."

you didn't expect to see satoru after the divorce several months ago at a party where all clans were gathered, enemies or allies, it doesn't matter.

"if it isn't gojo satoru." naoya greeted, a smirk forming on his lips as the blue-eyed man scowled at him. naoya eyes shifted from the woman beside gojo satoru. "such a beautiful lady, your wife, new wife perhaps?" naoya said as the woman exchanged glances with gojo.

"we're not-"

"naoya?" your voice cuts off the woman's and naoya couldn't be happier for your right timing.

"ah, meet my wife." he introduced, your eyes meeting with the blue ones. naoya thought it was entertaining to watch you and his enemy. he couldn't contain his smile as he watched gojo's eyes go widen, but then naoya's eyebrows furrowed when he saw how you looked at gojo satoru.

you felt naoya's hand tightened on your waist.

"h-hello, it was nice to meet you." you stammered, avoiding the curious blue eyes.

"stop bothering me." he said, and your heart couldn't hurt more as he left, your eyes meeting the worried ones of the woman that was just beside him as she followed him.

all your hope disappeared as you watched satoru leave the venue.

"see? he's so rude."

"come on, stop crying now. everyone would think we're fighting." naoya said.

"i'm sorry." you cried, wiping your face with a tissue.

"gojo satoru was so rude, right? he told you to stop bothering him. poor you." he said as he rubbed your back up and down with his palm.

"i hate him..."

"that's right! hate him!" naoya said with a clap of his hands. "he doesn't deserve you."

"gojo that's enough." the woman, who is his friend, shoko, said.

"another glass please." satoru said.

"drinking wouldn't do anything!" shoko scolded, taking the glass from satoru's hand. "i shouldn't have agreed with your request, gojo. you should've asked another woman, i'm a busy person too you know?" shoko said.

"fuck, i want to kill that bastard."

"why did even walked out that way? she got sad, i saw it." satoru gulped the whole glass in his mouth as he slammed it on the table.

"satoru, we should carry out the plan now. this is the only chance."

"i don't want this, satoru." you said as you walked close to him. "say something please, why? what happened? did you- did you find someone?" you asked, looking down at the ground as if you were ashamed of your question.

"i don't need you anymore," i still do, i'm sorry.

god, no one knew how much he wanted to wipe those tears in your cheek, he wanted to take everything back, but he knew he couldn't.

satoru cursed himself as he watched you leave, clutching the ring close to his chest.

you were calling him continuously and satoru couldn't have the right time to answer it. his father saw it and forced him to block your number.

just like you, satoru didn't want the divorce, but his father forced him saying that your family wasn't a help to their business.

satoru doesn't give a single fuck about the business, he wanted you, not the money.

satoru couldn't stop thinking of you for the past months after the divorce.

you told him your situation in your home, how your parents abused you as a kid. you told him you don't want to go back there anymore and satoru, he promised that he wouldn't let that happen again, but who knows what is happening inside your so-called home now that you were separated.

satoru threw every thing he could reach across his room. he didn't care if some of it were glass, but then he stopped when he get a hold of a frame. it was you and him on your wedding day.

he still remembered how awkward you acted that day.

"fuck, i miss you so much.. my love. i'm sorry." he mumbled, caressing your face in the picture as a tear left his eyes.

"suguru, you have a house in new york, right?"

"satoru, what crazy plan are you having in your head right now." suguru joked but noticed that his best friend was being serious. "what's up?" he asked.

"i'll buy it."

"what? why?"

"i'll- we'll run away."

"are you insane?"

"if it's for my wife, i am."

"satoru-"

"suguru, you won't get involved, i promise."

"it's not about that satoru, i'm worried for you and (name)."

"satoru, we'll meet at the parking lot. remember, don't let anyone see you." shoko said.

"i owe you and suguru, shoko." satoru said as shoko rolled her eyes.

"that's what friends do right? now go, i'll get your woman."

"hi!" shoko said as he sit beside you. she looked around, your husband looked busy talking with other businessmen.

"hi.. you're satoru's friend right?" you said. shoko was thankful you still remembered.

"i am. do you want to get some fresh air?" shoko suggested and you were hesitant at first before coming with her.

"where are we going?" you asked but she ignored you as he continued to pull you with her.

"sho-" you were cut off, there he was, standing infront of you.

you looked around and shoko wasn't there anymore.

"w-what? what are you-"

"(name)." satoru called as he held your hand but you were fast to retract it.

"don't-" you said as you took a step back.

"i'm here to take you back, (name)." satoru said, trying to reach you only for you to step back again.

"no, you can't.. you can't, he'll be mad!" you said and satoru's heart ached. "he'll hurt you, satoru!"

"he can't do that, come (name), let's run away." satoru said, finally embracing you.

"satoru, it's too late." you mumbled, tears gathering in your eyes. "i'm already married.."

"let's run away." he repeated. "i'm sorry, it took me a long time to get you, i was planning everything out." he said as he cupped your cheeks, your tears stopping at his thumb.

"but you said you don't need me anymore." your voice cracked and satoru hates himself for saying that.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean it, i swear." satoru said as he brushed your hair with his fingers.

"really?" he nods as he leaned his forehead on yours.

"i love you, and i need you. let's run away, hm?"

"satoru, they will still look for us." you said as satoru tucked you on his arms.

satoru knew that, but for now, he'll indulge in this moment with you. he used one of their private jets to fly to another country.

"then we'll run away again. i have connections."

"what if they hurt us?"

"i will protect you."

"ok, i trust you."

"what happened here?" satoru asked as he saw the scars on your wrist.

"it's nothing."

"he's hurting you, huh?"

"no. satoru let's not talk about him, please?" you said as satoru's eyes shifted from your lips.

he gave it a peck as you tried to chase it when he pulled away.

you cupped his cheeks and forced him to kiss you as he deepened it.

satoru held you by your shoulders as he cornered you on your seat.

he pulled away as he cursed. he missed this, the taste of your lips.

"did he touch you?" satoru asked and you only kept quiet.

"i thought about you.." you murmured shyly.

"is that so? did he make you feel good?"

"no, only you can!" you exclaimed as he chuckled.

"don't you think they'll let us be together once i gave you a child?"

#nana.gumi #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo angst #gojo satoru angst #satoru angst #jjk angst

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zuhaism · 5 months

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⊹ ｡˚ 𓂃 ♡ SAVIOUR ?! ┊ kim minjeong ⁺

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synopsis : you saved your tutor and she finds out about your double life

pairing : spiderwoman!reader x tutor!minjeong

genre : highschool!au, fluff uwu

authors note : the ending sucks btw. i just couldnt think anymore. DID NOT PROOFREAD. its 2am pls

“bye minjeong!” y/n said as she turned around the corner. parting ways. minjeong just finished tutoring y/n. which was hard becuase she spent most of the time staring at the taller as she did her work. it was also hard for minjeong because y/n kept on getting distracted while she was explaining.

“… and thats how it becomes an alloy- y/n are you listening?” minjeong looked back up to the younger.

“hm what yeah! i was just..” y/n looked away trying to come up with an excuse. ignoring the way her face was heating up when she got caught. “uh please continue minjeong im sorry i got distracted” y/n looked down in dissapointment.

minjeong smiled and thought that the pout y/n was sporting pretty cute.

it was now 9pm and the streets were dimly lit. theres was several people around. not too much as she sighed.

continued walking in the cold night. she kept on walking until she reached the part of the walk where she hates the most. she had to pass a creepy alleyway to get to her house. “fuck” she whispered under her breath. as she saw two male bodies leaning on the wall, puffing on their cigarettes.

she mustered up the courage to go through the alleyway. there was no other way around if she wanted to get home. her heartbeat fastens as she got closer and their chattering slowly stopped. they turned their attention towards her.

as she walked past them. she heard the sound of cigarettes being stomped on. light footsteps were following her. ‘im fucked’. suddenly a hand was placed on her shoulder. she prayed to the seven gods for her to get home safe tonight.

𓇼

this has become a norm to you for the past few weeks. following minjeong home not in a creepy stalker way but to just make sure she’s safe.

after turning the corner you immediately ran into a secluded alleyway and change into your suit. you climbed up the walls. running to minjeongs usual path to go home.

you were on the roof looking down at her as she stopped and then walked into an alleyway. keeping an eye on minjeong wasnt hard at all.

minjeong walked past two men leaned against the wall smoking a cigarette. you could see the uneasiness in her way of walking. the alarms in your head blared as one of the men held onto her shoulder.

“where you going at this time of night pretty lady?” you heard the skrunkly old man say. minjeong was frozen on the spot she couldn’t do anything.

you immediately got down to her when he pulled on her shoulder “ya answer me” he said rather loudly. your webs holding onto a pole and swung down lining up a kick to his head.

making the man stumble backwards into his friends arm. “my fucking face!” he yelped. you let go from the web and stood infront of minjeong. here you were again analysing her features just as you did during tutoring. her teary eyes looked up at you.

you gave her a reassuring smile which she probably didn’t see since it was covered by your mask. but it was immediately wiped off your face when you saw the guy about to strike minjeong.

you moved her out the way while your face was struck. “ah fuck!” you cursed loudly. the ring from his finger tore your mask and cause your lower cheek to scar and bleed.

you ignored it “man and i was gonna go easy on you” you webbed his fists to the wall as he was about to jump you again. his friend went for you next and you did the same thing.

both of them ended up webbed high up onto the side of the building as you turned to minjeong. smiling at her trying to assure her that shes safe now. “do you want me to send you home?”

a beat or two passes where minjeong just stares at you and not answering you. “uh .. ill just send you somewhere safe.” it would be much weirder if you knew where she lived from her point of view.

you pulled her by her waist closer to you. minjeong let out a squel and wrapped her arms around your shoulder as you swung up the building.

as the cool night air rushed past them, minjeong couldn't help but feel an exhilarating mix of fear and wonder. clinging tightly to spiderwoman, she marveled at the cityscape unfolding beneath them. the skyscrapers became a breathtaking blur as they soared through the night.

in that moment, Minjeong's mind raced, a whirlwind of thoughts echoing the beating of her heart. She stole glances at the heroes masked face.

amids the adrenaline and uncertainty, minjeong found herself oddly comforted. the heroes reassuring presence, masked though it was, provided a sense of safety. she couldn't help but steal glances at the hero who had just swooped in to rescue her. the cut on the mysterious womans's face, a visible scar from the fight.

minjeong tells you her address in a whisper. it being a sign to send her straight home. it wasn’t smart of her to give her address to strangers, even if they saved her life. but for some reason she trusted you.

you slowly let her down onto the outdoor stairwell that connected to her window after she guided you to it. you crouched on the railing as she fixed herself. you took this time to analyse her whole figure.

wearing only a hoodie and some sweatpants. “you should wear a jacket, its cold out” minjeong nodded looking up at you. you getting flustered and looking everywhere except her.

“you’re hurt” she broke the silence. Feeling embarrassed about taking a punch in front of someone you find attractive. despite the pain you chuckled. “ah yeah it happens. uhm you’re safe now have a nice night bye !”

you rambled trying to avoid the topic and then jumping off at the last sentence. swinging as fast as you can.

𓇼

“fuck..” you looked at the cut that was just above your jaw. it was prominent red. closing the locker door that had your mirror hanged.

you decided to ignore it and rush to class before the bell rings. unbeknownst to you, you walked past a shorter girl who noticed the cut on your face that was similar to the hero that saved her last night.

𓇼

“y/n!” you heard the familiar voice calling for you. turning around and was greeting with minjeong fast walking towards you across the almost empty hallway.

“hey minjeong i didnt know there was tutoring today! ill text my mom real qui-“

“no no y/n stop…” she paused, collecting her breath. “just… come with me” minjeong shook her head and took your hand.

she dragged you to the nurses office and sat you down on the bed. you didnt have time to ask her what shes doing until.

she pushed you to sit down on one of the nursing beds and held onto your chin to get a better look of the scar. there was a flicker of concern in her gaze, mingled with a touch of curiosity. as she applied the cotton pad to the wound, her expression shifted to a more focused and determined demeanor. her small hands moved with precision, yet there was a gentleness in her touch that betrayed a hidden tenderness.

while tending to your injury, a subtle tension lingered in the air. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she worked, silently contemplating the uncanny coincidences she had noticed lately. As she finished up, her gaze met yours, and for a moment, a hint of suspicion remained in her eyes.

"interesting how you always seem to get into trouble. any specific reason for this particular injury?"

you grinned, brushing off the question with your usual optimism. "just another clumsy mishap, you know me."

minjeong’s eyes narrowed slightly, a hint of suspicion lingering. "clumsy mishap or something more? ive noticed some uncanny coincidences lately."

you shrugged nonchalantly, feigning innocence. "coincidences happen, right?"

minjeong’s expression remained inscrutable, but there was an underlying tension in the air. you couldnt think straight as minjeong was so close to your face. her small hands tidying up your wound. you could feel her faint breath on your chin

"coincidences or connections to spiderwoman? yea coincidences right"

you paused at that, giving way a more guarded expression. "i... i don't know what you're talking about, minjeong." minjeong shrugs not caring as she tended to your wound. throwing away rubbish and finishing up then looking back at you.

“how long have you been spiderwoman?”

you heaved a sigh. letting your head down while minjeong was between your legs. “since the last two years.” she nods approvingly. “that’s cool”

she says looking at her feet while you put your gaze on her. the tension in the room growing as the seconds go by. “thank you for saving me” she said just above a whisper. seeing the tips of her ears turn red.

a grin broke out from your face. “it’s my job minjeong. “ you stood up. dusting off yourself then looking down at her. her gaze was still on her feet.

“thank you minjeong” you broke the silence. she didnt look up at you. instead she sucked in her breath and wrapped her arms around you. hugging you.

“thank you for saving me..” she nuzzles her head closer into the crook of your neck. not knowing what to do you just patted her back.

“i was so worried when i saw that scar on your face. i just cant imagine you getting hurt that bad”

finally relaxing your body (totally not trying to normalise your heart rate). “its fine minjeong in used to it” she looked up at you as you said that. “that’s the problem.. you shouldn’t get used to it.”

squirming out of her hold to hug her back. “just.. come to me if you ever need help” she mumbled, closing her eyes leaning her body into you. as you stood there with your heart beating faster than ever.

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dior-luxury · 1 year

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"He Cheated On Me"

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

♡ Characters: Leona, Vil, Malleus, Lilia.

| Relation: Besties <3 (or more? ;). . . )

♡ Dictionary: Takes place in the current chapter (7).

| Warnings: Mentions and Spoilers of Chapter 7 in Lilia and Malleus. Also Malleus lowkey being a Yandere . . .

♡ Content: Reaction/Bulleted Hc's.

Leona-

He probably thinks your ex-boyfriend has a mental illness or something.

Why would that guy cheat on you? It's not like he didn't see it coming or anything. He probably saw the signs before you.

That doesn't mean he'll let this whole situation slide though.

Infact, Leona promises to make his life from now hell to the guys' grave. Whether you like it or not... I like to say that he does revenge himself- but of course not because he's lazy.

Leona just makes Ruggie torments this guys whole life; mentally, physical... etc. And would never admit who was actually behind all those things if you ask him.

Vil-

Thinks your joking.

Th-There is no way you let a man walk over you like that... ohoho- no honey.

Vil is... mad, MAD. Even though he doesn't show it, he is fumming from inside <3...

I wouldn't even be surprised if Vil blames the fact that you have 'no taste in guys', or says that you should've let him run a 'background check on him first'.

I pray for this guy because it is going to be hell if it turns out that your ex is from the same dorm as him. Like when he sees him, he does a full out RANT on why he is trash, and shouldn't do this type of stuff again... except he won't be so nice to him.

Malleus-

Thunder, hurricanes, and lilia starts cooking- just chaos is opened.

When you tell him this at first, he has to make sure that he doesn't full on out just start burning objects the closest to him.

Lilia also has to stay with him 24/7 to keep him away from making any extreme situations... like I'm not joking. He literally has to HOLD HIM back.

Okay but... Imagine if this took place in Chapter 7... another reason for Malleus overblot.

I could see you just coming towards him (like in the first episode when MC was running late) and suddenly in the morning, you spill the beans that your ex was cheating on you. OR- it could be when Silver was looking (and yelling) for Malleus, when secretly you where having a secret conversation with Malleus about your ex cheating on you.

And then Malleus would probably poison that guy (and succeeding), and then continue to have an Overblot <3.

Lilia-

Angry old man.

Like Vil, he for sure doesn't show it. But he's FUMMING inside.

Lilia also probably also asks you too move with him too. (But this is not a yandere hc so I'll just save that for future thought...)

He genuinely feels bad, because he probably has that happen to him- if not multiple times.

Instead of revenge he is just focused on comforting you, hugs, random stories, and such.

Lilia also tried to make you food, but since that is a death sentence itself- Silver "politely" forced him out of the kitchen. (That being Silver pushing Lilia out of there.) As much as Lilia wanted to make you food- he didn't want to cause an issue so he just dropped the idea.

#twst imagines #twst x reader #twst fanfic #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #malleus draconia x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit headcanons #vil schoenheit imagines #vil schoenheit x reader #malleus draconia headcanons #malleus draconia imagine #lilia vanrouge x reader #lilia vanrouge headcanons #lilia vanrouge imagines #leona kingscholar x reader

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icanseethefuture333 · 10 months

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Glamour Witch 🕯

A guide to confidence, beauty, & self love 🪞🩰🦢🍒💌

How I made glamour magick efficient for me and why working with the goddess Aphrodite shifted my self concept + help me connect to the divine feminine 🕊

First let's do a back story on my relationship with my matron 🌸:

My spiritual awakening happened when I was 17 years old after experiencing the loss of a loved one and coping with past trauma. I went into my adolescence with fear, agony, and poor self esteem. I was very much so a tomboy as a teenager (to this day I still have masculine qualities that I am now proud of and balanced it with my feminine side) but I was so out of touch with what being a "girl" was. I felt really self conscious about not being "woman" enough and had a complicated view on my gender (since I realized I was nonbinary at 14). I became interested in the occult since I grew up in a spiritual household (crystals, manifestation, etc) but never really got to engage with things like tarot or witchcraft because it was considered taboo. I had a reading done one day and I was told that Aphrodite wanted to work with me as my deity. My teenage self was confused by this because I thought - "The goddess of beauty and love wanted to work with me? Well that can't be right." I was expecting something more dark or cool like Hades or Hermes or whatever because that was just my personal style since I dressed very alternatively. I was nervous, but also intrigued. As I begun to pray to her and started doing spellwork - I felt safe, I felt loved, it was like a mother watching over me. I started learning how to do makeup for my ethnic features and became more educated about fashion and what it means to really be a true feminist. I learned to say fuck the binary system and made my own definition of not what just being a "woman" is but also what being "feminine" meant to me, period. You can be whatever you want to be and be beautiful regardless of what your appearance is like. Some days I want to wear snapbacks and sneakers, other times I wanna wear high heels with a flattering dress. I do what makes me feel comfortable and that's nobody's business but mine. Society made us believe that being sensitive, caring, or intuitive - the traits of the divine feminine (which we have in us all) as bad when it's not. There's strength in being soft and delicate. Be gentle towards yourself, my loves.

Embrace your shadow self to manifest your dream life ✨️:

You know what people will never tell you or admit to you on social media? Is that you can be self conscious and still be confident at the same time. Confidence is just being comfortable with yourself and knowing despite what you've been through or are feeling in the moment, it should not hold you back from achieving your fullest potential. Like Megan Thee Stallion said "Bad bitches have bad days too" And it's true! I have my good days and then I have my bad days, but even when I'm doubting or losing my faith, I always get back up by keep going. Why? It's because if I stop then I'm not living. I'm not being grateful for the life I still have while there are people out there battling severe illnesses and don't have much time left. Nobody wants to be candid and only want to portray themselves as perfect, when nobody is. It's a damaging narrative to think you have to be popping on social media and always staying positive. I don't know why being vulnerable is such a stigma these days. Everyone is scared of being hurt, sure, but there is so much power in knowing what you makes you happy and being able to voice what your wants/needs are. You get to live for yourself and not what others want you to be. Not to mention the importance of having the power and ability to set the boundaries your inner child probably never got to have?! I'm so tired of people spreading the belief of that you shouldn't talk about mental health, trauma, or personal fears because it makes you seem "weak" or "easy prey". That is the same tactics abusers use to make their victims stay hushed and makes them not able to stand up for themselves. That way of thinking is victim blaming! If you as a person, feel brave enough to discuss what the fuck is going on in your mind that does not make you a weakling, that makes you strong as hell. They are the weak ones for taking advantage of people who were already suffering. It's time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and acknowledge what happened, but do not let it control you. You don't have to let go or get over it, it's okay if it's still a wound for you but you can choose to make it better by creating a better future by working with your higher self. Think about who you want to be, how you want to appear, what career you aspire to have, etc. Either write it down, visualize, or make a vision board. Release the old version of you and thank them for helping you survive.

I have been reading the book Mirror Work by Louise Hay and it entails about how the negative things people said or the difficult experiences we had dealt with in our lifetime gets stored in our subconscious mind. When we make jokes that are self depreciating or engage in self degrading behavior, it harms us even more, preventing us from maturing or loving ourselves. Doing shadow work is uncomfortable for everyone but it is a must to process the patterns in your life and learn as to why you become the person you are today. Being aware of your triggers and what makes you tick. Can make you more emotionally intelligent and be able to have a healthier conversation as well as creating lasting positive connections.

Books I recommend for subconscious reprogramming, shadow work, & healing from trauma:

Mirror Work by Louise Hay

"The Courage to" book series by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Self Confidence Workbook by Barbara Markway & Celia Ampel

Psychology of The Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung

It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

You can also find shadow work prompts on pinterest.

Don't just say it, do it! 11 ways to actually practice self care:

Making a goal and actually putting the effort in can be tough for some individuals, especially for those diagnosed with depression. That's why it's important to be patient with yourself and understand that healing is a journey, not a race! A youtuber I have been enjoying and watching lately is the critically acclaimed, thewizardliz: An Iranian woman who gives advice on confidence, discipline, and more! A video that I watched of hers recently was called and bluntly titled: "How to stop being lazy & pathetic". In most of liz's videos she is someone who is tough but is also tender. She explains that when we are procrastinating it's because we are thinking of just the end goal, which scares us and makes us overthink about what to do or how to do it. When really, we can just take small, simple steps at a time to reach towards what we wish to accomplish, so that way it will feel less intimidating. If you have a essay that's due for example, try to write a few sentences each day, or think about how good it would feel if you were to get a good grade on your paper. Think of it this way - Would you rather slack and be upset you failed? Or would you rather prevent that from happening so you can be proud of what you achieved? Figure out what motivates you as a person and write it down so you can always be reminded of the confident being you wish to become.

Journaling: This is such a crucial hobby that I believe everyone should have. Writing down your thoughts or feelings helps not only increases your intelligence and brain health, but it also helps navigate your feelings better when you are facing a problem. You are able to reflect inward and discover the different parts of your psyche that you never knew you had.

Art: Divine feminine energy embodies the source of creation and life. The same way people with wombs give birth to children, an artist's project can be their beautiful baby. Find what type of art form brings you peace and allows you to express yourself (poetry, songwriting, dancing, painting, woodcarving, etc).

Exercise: I know this is something that some people struggle with (me included 💀) and when people hear that it's like "Ugh, I don't wanna work out! It's too hard!" but just hear me out okay? We have to exercise so our internal organs can stay healthy. When we don't take care of ourselves by not at least taking 15 minutes out of our day by walking, exercising, or cardio, when there is 24 hours in a day... That is a major neglect to yourself. Just remember that it is a privilege that you still have the ability to move, jump, lift, run, squat, and even more. When there are people who suffer from chronic pain and disabilities that are still making sure to take care of their physical health because they have no other choice. When you think about how you're too "lazy" and you can't do it because of your "laziness", think of those people! Cherish the health that you have before it's too late. You can start by stretching, going for walks, or watching workout videos for beginners on YouTube.

Build a schedule: Having a routine is so important because it helps reduce stress and organizes the task that we have to do throughout our day. Make a sleep schedule for yourself as well. Going to bed late until 3 am in the morning or waking up too early is unsafe and makes you less alert when you are out in the world. So please be careful! Try to at least get 6 hours of sleep a day. Drinking tea, taking a warm bath, or using essential oils can help you fall asleep if you don't like using melatonin.

Cleanliness & Hygiene: It's unfortunate that I have to say this but some people were not taught by their parents on how to be clean. Or how cishet men feel that being hygienic is "gay". That's absurd! Everyone should have a clean house, clean body, and a good hygiene routine. There is no excuse for that. Even when I was depressed I still would get up to brush my teeth or wash my hair because I knew that if I were to ever go too long without taking care of my hygiene I'd have to deal with damaging my teeth, hair, or skin. Everything has a cause and effect when you neglect doing self care and that could also be apart of the reason why you feel so down about your looks is due to that lack of poor hygiene. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant and you don’t need to do a 10 step skincare routine all the time. You can buy beauty products for cheap at off price retail stores and can get combs, toothbrushes, etc, at the dollar store. All you gotta do is wash your face and shower daily (scrub in between your ass cheeks, please and thank you 💀), brush your teeth at least 3 or more times a day, moisturize with lotions, use a sunscreen (cus nobody got time for skin cancer), apply deodorant, and that's literally it. You can use toners, serums, and skin treatments if you feel like it but that’s not neccessary unless you have specific concerns (acne, wrinkles, etc).

Personal finance 💵: As a Capricorn ♑️, there is nothing more important to me than having my own money. Knowing how to budget and being responsible with your funds is so crucial. You can manifest prosperity and be wealthy, but if you don't know what to do with a million dollars, how could you ever receive it? It is so attractive when someone is wise with their money. I took elective classes in high school for commercial art, marketing, and personal finance so that way I could learn to how to be independent as an adult and not have to "hustle" or live the struggle life. Always take care of your household bills (utilities, repairs, gas for the car, etc.) first and then leave a certain amount for yourself for when you want to have fun, go shopping, etc. Learn about how to make an investment, as well as stocks, because that is another way that you can make a lot of money (and no I don't mean Crypto or NFTs 😭)

Education is key 📚: READ HEAUXS REEEEAD 👓 Make those sapiosexuals quiver with your big sexy brain 🧠. I just feel like in general we need to be knowledgeable about our history and *Jaden Smith voice* the political state of the world right now. Being dismissive and ignorant is a major turn off. You have to be able to know how to communicate in certain settings or talk about certain subjects, or else you're gonna just look and sound dumb. I don't care if you like to read about insects or flowers, just find a topic that interests you.

Boundaries: A simple way to start implementing self care into your daily routine is by being able to say "Yes." Or "No." I know for women it is hard to assert themselves and say no especially when there is a grimy ass man tryna flirt with you (ayoooo shawty 🤓), but for your own protection you gotta do it. When people know you are not stern and you are not able to defend yourself, they take advantage of that. It makes you an easy target. Let's say for a example, you have a overbearing parent that constantly drains and takes from your energy. This parent doesn't respect you and makes you feel bad about yourself because you let them. When they ask you for something, you can just say; "Thank you but I will not be doing that. It would be an inconvenience for me right now because I have to focus on ___" or "I would prefer not to do that because I have to do ___ this week and it's very important". Even if it's not anything actually important, still say no. Another example is if you have a friend that's toxic and is not elevating you in any type of way (mentally, emotionally, or finacially). Then tell them that and cut them off. You are not obligated to stay around anyone who brings you down. Here is a list of ways to set boundaries professionally. Also learn to stop over apologizing here is what you can do instead. Margot Robbie learned to say "Thank you" instead of saying "sorry" because of Barbie.

Meditation 🧘🏽‍♀️: A useful skill in embracing your thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, to help in finding your inner zen. Meditation was something that was tricky for me at first. Most people say to "empty your mind and be still" when meditating and for someone with ADHD, I was like... "Umm, this is boring 💀???" but overtime I tried it a few times again and have grown to appreciate it! I learned that meditation was actually quite helpful for me, especially when I felt burdened with too many tasks, or was dealing racing thoughts. It just really helped me calm down, especially when I was feeling overwhelmed (for people who experience sensory overloads I highly recommend!). I no longer feel ashamed or fearful of when a intrusive thought crosses my mind. I just simply let that thought pass through and go on about my day. The average young adult has over 6,000 thoughts a day, so why would I give something so meaningless power? I am in control of myself and what I react to. For this, it will allow you to do the same.

Spend time with a loved one: I'm sure we all have someone who we consider our comfort person or a special pet that makes us feel calm. Humans are animals, sometimes we need that social interaction to stay sane during troubling times. Make a phone call, text, or plan to meet up with a friend or family member this week. Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and ask an acquaintance out for lunch.

Be brave: Remember what I said about stepping out of your comfort zone? That's right. It's time to stop living a life of regrets and live a life of excitement. I want you to think about something you've been really wanting to do lately but haven't pursued it yet because of fear, doubt, or limiting beliefs. Take a deep breath and release it to the universe, your spirit guides, or any deity that you worship. Maybe there is a person you have a crush that you have been wanting to ask out lately or have been wanting to dye your hair a new color but were afraid of how it would turn out. Whatever it is, just have courage to go after what you want for once. For being brave is just about taking a leap of faith, even when you are scared.

How to awaken your inner goddess ✨️:

Loving yourself shouldn't be a chore, it should be a ritual baby 😌! Now for my beginner witches or practioners in closed practices. I know it can be intimidating to start doing deity work. That's why you have to take things slow and go at your own pace. I always recommend starting with doing a cleansing (burning incense, spraying florida water, etc) or a protection spell before doing any other kind of magick. Even though yes, I do worship Aphrodite, it is not neccessary for people to only go to her for a "glow up". There are sooooo many deities who are also gods or goddesses of love, beauty, etc. Naturally, a deity will show you signs that they wish to work with you, so makw sure to be on the look out for that!

Also if you are a woman of color like mwuahhh 😘 then here are a list of deities that also represent love, confidence, beauty, fertility, & creativity in African, Asian, Indigenous, & Pacific Islander religions:

Oshun (closed practice / Yoruba)

Yenaya (closed practice / Yoruba)

Hathor

Bastet

Isis

Astarte

Rati (Hinduism)

Lakshimi (Hinduism)

弁才天 / Benzaiten (Japanese Buddhism)

자청비 / Jacheongbi

仰阿莎 / Yang Asha

Liễu Hạnh

Mayari

Laka

Xochiquetzal

Estsanatlehi

Other deities are:

Apollo, Cupid, Eros, Priapus, Min, Brigid, & Dionyus

There is also ascended masters, saints, archangels, ancestors, & spirit guides that you can connect with. I recommend building a relationship with your ancestors first.

How to talk your deity:

Create an altar for them or a sacred space.

Cleanse the area to avoid interacting with trickster spirits.

Place offerings on the table (make sure to look up what offerings they like!).

Light a candle or burn incense for them.

Write them a letter or pray. You can ask them for help with your specific needs or just talk to them about your day or how you are currently feeling.

BE CONSISTENT! Deities are not one of your little friends, they are gods/goddesses. Show them respect by praying, including them in spellwork, and giving them offerings frequently (they are understanding if you cannot give them food or drinks all the time though if you cannot afford it).

The final boss, The Enchantress 🔮❄️:

"SHADOW MONEY WIZARD GANGGG! We love casting spells 😈"

Alright, alright. I know you guys were reading all this thinking "Bitch where tf is the tutorial??? 😭" BUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY WAS IMPORTANT SO YOU CAN HAVE LONG TERM RESULTS 💀! Here is the moment you've all been waiting forrr 🤭!

101 on Glamour Magick:

The days of the week are connected to the planets.

Friday is a good day for casting love and beauty spells since it's ruler is Venus. While on Monday you can cast spells for healing & enhancing psychic powers, since it's ruler is the Moon. Thursday's ruler is Jupiter so you can cast spells for money and prosperity.

Buy a mirror that is for your special use only (If someone ends up accidently using it it's okay nothing bad will happen to them). Spray it with a window cleaner and wipe it down counter clockwise, say what your intention is for the mirror as you clean it. You can buy any kind of mirror you like (compact mirror, hand held mirror, desktop mirror, etc).

You can use your mirror for scrying or seeing into the future (divination).

When doing your mirror work, look into your eyes, and affirm to yourself. It can be anything you wish to say. Just let it flow naturally. It might feel uncomfortable at first but as you continue to practice it you will feel more confident about it.

Include your deity while affirming. (When I do this, I show appreciation to Aphrodite, and thank her for blessing me with such beauty and grace. Even when in the moment I don't have the results I wish to see, I know it is going to happen because I have faith in her.)

Ask your ancestors what their beauty rituals and regimes were. Doing routines that your ancestors did will create a closer bond with them and also build confidence in your ethnic features.

Items that are represented as love: roses, cinnamon, honey, sugar, vanilla, coriander, basil, chamomile, carnations, tulips, lockets, keys, & hearts

Items that are represented as beauty: cowrie shells, orchids, peony, ribbons, veils, & bows

Items that help enhance intuition: seashells, conch shells, rosemary, lotuses, & feathers

Chinese guashas & jade rollers help reduce stress, tension, and puffiness in your facial muscles. It can also help sculpt your face.

African waistbeads were worn by women under their clothes to help slim their waist and also attract love. Depending on the crystals used, it would also help manifest abundance.

Some beauty crystals used for love, beauty, & intuition are: Rose quartz, jade, pink tourmaline, moonstone, amethyst, selenite, garnet, carnelian, and turquoise.

You can carve sigils or symbols onto your candle, an easy one to use is the venus symbol ♀️.

A list of meanings for the scents of the candle, wax, or deodorizer in your home. Here is the list for incense.

Candles are great to seal your spell jars or use on their own for magick.

A list of different burning sticks you can use (smudging, white sage, and Palo Santo is a closed practice)

The scent of your perfume can be used for seduction or attracting love/popularity.

Soap, shampoo, or conditioner can be used to cleanse your energy.

Ingredients in foods, cleaning, haircare, skincare, or beauty products can have magical properties that you can attract towards you or your home. (I.E: Lavendar for peace & tranquility, Lemon for warding off negative energy, & Vanilla for love)

"The hair theory" trend is a form of glamour magick. Doing your hair differently can create a new persona and change how people perceive you.

Depending on your hair color it can represent the elements.

Your hair texture can symbolize what power you possess: Coily hair grows upward and rises towards the sun. When using their awareness, they are highly observant and courageous. Coily hair has the fire element. Curly hair breaks hexes and spiritually protects the mind. Due to it's volume and resemblance to a cloud, it has the air element. People with wavy hair are intuitive, affectionate, and sensitive, their element is water. Straight hair is the most connected to the earth. People with this hair texture can be introverted, dependable, and grounded.

Your hair length signifies your current state of energy.

Short hair is connected to father sky.

Long hair is connected to mother earth.

It is best to cut your hair when you are in need of releasing stress, anguish, and turmoil.

You can set your intentions into the hair that you braid.

Black people can cornrow patterns or symbols onto their scalp for manifestation.

Locs symbolize freedom and wisdom from the ancestors.

Twists can be used for spiritual binding.

Read here for more on hair witchcraft & hair astrology.

Wearing headscarves, hijabs, bonnets, durags, or hats can protect you from the evil eye or if you're an empath, it can protect your energy from being drained in public spaces.

Do not make any physical changes during a Venus retrograde.

Plastic surgery can alter one's identity. It is like putting on a different mask. It can become an addiction to people who feel lost in life. While for others it can give them a new path to start on.

You can paint sigils or symbols for nail art.

The nail shape you have or get done at a salon can correspond to Onychomancy (https://www.tiktok.com/@taisoleil/video/7035737221068082479?_t=8etXLhtR3LH&_r=1)

You can also use yours or other's eyebrows for divination.

Straight eyebrows: someone who is level headed. Round eyebrows: someone who is compassionate with a kind heart. Arched eyebrows: someone who is independent. Thick eyebrows: someone who can be stubborn and goal oriented. Thin eyebrows: someone who is bold and daring. No eyebrows: someone who is a risk taker and can be careless. The unibrow: symbolizes good luck, fertility, & serendipity.

Your eyelashes are for good luck (which is why people make a wish on fallen lashes, they are similar to dandelions).

Different lash styles can be used as a "barricade".

Manga/spiked lashes: makes you appear pure & innocent, can get away with stuff more. Fluffy lashes: depending on the thickness, it can resemble a spider, therefore can cause someone to have a intensive aura. Cat/hybrid lashes: Increase in clairvoyance, see past the 3D, and have the senses of a feline. Natural lashes: The gaze will be comforting and welcoming to others, they can see into your soul.

Your eye color can mean what powers you have for spells. Colored contacts can create a different outcome.

Glasses can be used for insight and enlightenment. While sunglasses or shades, can make you more mysterious/hide your identity.

For those with periods, cycle syncing can help with increasing productivity.

Depending on your body shape, weight, & features it could symbolize your status in society.

In ancient Greece, people who were voluptuous with plump bellies were seen as healthy & rich. It was a sign of being well fed and treated like royalty.

In Africa & Southeast Asia, long necks signify having dignity & elegance.

Being tall could be seen as powerful, while being short could be seen as delicate. If you are average height, you could be seen as harmonious.

Physiognomy is the method of using the face & body for divination. In China, it is a popular method for readings.

Moles, birthmarks, & skin tags are believed to be the sign of being a Witch.

Vitiligo can mean spiritual purification & finding beauty in your imperfections.

It has been said that freckles are kisses from the angels. These people themselves can be described as earth angels or have a closer connection with archangels.

The form of your freckles can symbolize different things. If they form in a straight line, it could mean you are a focused person. If they are scattered, you like to go with the flow in life. If your freckles come and go during the seasons, you like to experience change or excitement often in your life.

Freckles & beauty marks overall show signs of a person having a unique character.

The clothing you wear can have a mystical effect.

Baggy/layered clothing: spiritually protective. Revealing clothing: free spirited & alluring. Patterned clothing: Makes you illusive or hard to decipher. Animal print clothing: embodies the energy of said animal (I.E: Tiger print would make you appear cunning & fierce). Colorful clothing: your spirit will seem more youthful & vivacious.

The shoes you wear can make you walk into new opportunities unexpectedly.

You can keep a piece of paper that has a spell in your shoes for good luck or attracting your desire.

Buying shoes and watches for your romantic partner is bad luck in hoodoo (Shoes can make someone walk out the door and leave forever. While watches can make someone look at the time they have left with you.)

Earrings can help you hear what others say about you or what gossip is going around. (I heard the most compliments the other day while wearing my gold hoops 💫)

A necklace that has a charm or crystal can be used as a tailsmans, amulet, or pendulum.

Wearing rings on which hand or finger could enhance your abilities.

The same way there is money bowls, you can also make love or beauty bowls, or even use your jewelry box.

You can use color magick when doing your makeup or choosing an outfit.

Primer, lotions/moisturizers, body butters, oils, and gels can be used for sigils.

Foundation is for stability and being secure with yourself.

Concealer "cloaks" or "veils" your weaknesses or insecurities.

Contour makes space and structure for your desire.

Eyeliner can be used as a tool. It wards off negative spirits & people with bad intentions.

In ancient Egypt, the use of Kohl represented rank and achievement.

Mascara can be used to give you a different perspective in things or make you more open minded.

Eyeshadow enhances your eyes & brings more depth or dimension. Makes your gaze hypnotic & enticing like a siren's.

Highlighter shines your best qualities.

Bronzer makes your presence more warm & friendly

Blush is for playfulness, youthfulness, flirtation, and vitality.

The lip product you use can speak your desires into fruition. It also make your words sound more beautiful. People will want to listen more because they will feel attracted to your voice.

Lip gloss: makes your intentions "stick" to you. Lipstick: Leaves a "mark" on your target (especially if it's someone you fancy 💋). Lip stain: makes your words have a permanent effect on people, they won't forget you. Flavored lip balms: makes your kisses addicting.

Powder enhances your spell & adds a touch of good luck.

Setting spray finishes the spell.

528 Hz is the frequency of love.

Listening to frequencies, music, & subliminals can attract your desires.

You can make a playlist for your deity or ancestors to channel messages from them.

Here are some celebrities who used mirror work or glamour magick to manifest:

Beyoncé's Renaissance album has themes of having a good self concept, knowing your worth, manifesting self love & abundance.

Marilyn Monroe used visualization & affirmations to manifest her beauty and fame: “I daydreamed chiefly about beauty. I dreamed of myself becoming so beautiful that people would turn to look at me when I passed.”

Michael Jackson would keep sticky notes and a diary full of affirmations in his room by his mirror: “I'm beautiful (4x). I'm gorgeous. [Bad..?] Is for me, who can be against me? I'm beautiful. I'm a new person now. Beautiful, knowing the secret, and determined with fire[?] to move mountains in all I do. Molding my own world. I'm beautiful. The old me is behind. I will much ahead anew. - MJ”

Alexa Demie stated in a interview with Vogue that she would say affirmations in the mirror daily in the morning and it helped her manifest clear skin: “I have beautiful, clear, acne-free, scar-free skin.”

Princess Nokia is a bruja and is well known for her constant change in appearance: “Casting spells with my cousins / I'm the head of this coven / I'm a shapeshifting bitch, you don't know who you loving.”

Thanks so much for reading, I wish you all the best of luck on your journey 🤍🤍🤍

986 notes · View notes

rosieofcorona · 8 months

Text

A Light To Break All Shadows

Just a fluffy little Halsin x Tav fic to keep the darkness at bay. Also on AO3, if you prefer. Thank you for reading! 💕

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

Tav is eyeing Halsin suspiciously from the opposite end of Art’s bedside, where he’s been keeping watch over the sick man for days. At least, Halsin thinks it’s been days– perhaps three (or maybe four?) at the most. It is difficult to keep track in the Shadowlands.

At any rate, he cannot answer her immediately, which means his answer is insufficient.

“If you have to think about it,” Tav continues, “It’s been too long.”

She has a point.

He is exhausted, as they all are, but cannot bring himself to rest. They are so close– he is so close– to finding the child that will save them, to ending the hundred-year darkness, to restoring light and balance to the land.

And Art Cullagh, ill as he is, is the key that will unlock their victory, so Halsin feels as though he must protect him every moment, must stay by his side in case he should wake, or take a turn.

For days, he has persisted, spurred on by his stamina and willpower. For days, he has waited and watched. Now the idea of sleep falls on him like a spell.

“It is my duty.” He protests. “I will see this through.” “You will,” she agrees, “When you wake. These people will need you in the days to come. And they will need you to be rested.”

She is playing to his sense of responsibility, he knows, but he is too tired to argue. Reluctantly, he nods his agreement.

When he rises from his chair, it seems that all his centuries of existence catch up to him at once, his joints and muscles burning. He feels old and sore and weary as he drags himself toward an empty bed.

“Go on,” Tav commands gently. She feels like a mother nudging a child off to sleep. “Even the greatest leaders need rest.”

“Then you ought to rest yourself.”

She laughs at that, though Halsin means it. He knows so few who are so capable, so resilient, so kind. She has already accomplished so many things that he could not, not in hundreds of years of practice.

“You flatter me,” Tav smiles, but Halsin shakes his head.

“You are extraordinary.”

His gaze is on her when he says it, on her eyes and mouth and hands, the way her armor cleaves to her, the way her weapon rests against her hip. In another place, another time, another life, he would have had her already, would have known her inside and out if she asked him to.

And she had asked him to, once, before they came here. He remembers. At the time he had denied her as gently as he could, in the knowledge that what was growing between them, if cultivated, could later prove a distraction, a weakness.

But gods, he had wanted her then. He wants her still.

Yet such urges, much like sleep, must be suppressed. At least for now.

Tav stares back at him with wide eyes until she feels a flush come over her cheeks. She turns her face away, just slightly, so that Halsin will not see.

“Well.” She clears her throat, and redirects. “I’ll rest before we go scouting tomorrow. And I’ll watch Art while you sleep.”

“As you say.”

**********

In his dreams, he is back in the Shadowfell, that sunless, cursed place.

At his feet are bodies, Harper and druid and shade alike. He knows their faces, their names, their stories. Here is Atlan, a boy from his own grove, no more than eighteen years of age. Halsin had cured him once of pox, had later mentored him in the healing arts.

And here, Jehan the Harper, who had just received word that his wife was expecting. Twins, he’d announced, over a round of drinks at Last Light.

And Moranna, the Selunite priestess who had blessed them again and again on their journey, had prayed over them and shielded them to the best of her ability.

All lost to the shadows, corrupted beyond recognition. All dead, cut down by his hand.

Halsin does his best to avoid stepping on them as he presses onward, each step a battle of its own. The weight of darkness seems to crush him, seems to drain the very life out of his body.

His god is nowhere here.

There comes a voice through the black night, distant, disembodied. Halsin, the shadows whisper, and whisper again, closer. Halsin.

Wildly he turns and swings his glaive, hitting nothing, the panic rising in his throat, and–

“Halsin!” Tav exclaims, blocking a swing of his fist with her forearm.

She is sitting at the edge of his bed looking concerned, frightened even. His skin is slicked with sweat, his breathing heavy, his body tangled in the bed linens.

Immediately, a white-hot shame rushes over him, that he should be the one to cause her fear.

That he should strike at her, even unconsciously, his savior, his ally. His friend, though that is too weak a word for the feeling that grows within him, wraps around his heart like wild ivy.

“Forgive me,” he pants, “I was–”

I was lost in the darkness, he means to say, I was frightened and alone, but the words stick in his throat like flies in honey.

Yet Tav seems to know already, a tenderness softening the furrows of her brow. Not pity, he notes. Understanding.

She has seen equivalent horrors, has seen friends fall and foes flourish and still, and still, keeps fighting toward goodness, toward light. He aches with the thought that she might have such nightmares, that she might know firsthand how he feels now.

But she soothes him, reaches out to wipe the sweat from his brow, her touch as light and cool as an evening breeze.

“It’s alright,” she promises. “You don’t have to explain. You are safe here.”

Halsin lets out a breath he’s been holding for too long. It has been many years since he was last comforted, truly comforted. He is so accustomed to doing the comforting that he has almost forgotten what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

Tenderness is no stranger to him– many of his lovers have been gentle, have been sweet– but none have ever known his burdens, none have carried them, taken them on as their own. Here is one who has, who does, who will, if he will let her.

He takes Tav’s hand in his and guides it, flattens her palm over the rabbit-fast beat of his heart, breathing deeply, willing it to slow. He wants to say, Thank you, then, I love you, but it’s too soon, he thinks, too desperate, no matter how true.

“Thank you,” Halsin allows, and swallows the rest.

Tav smiles at him then, a soft, bright thing, like a single star in the night sky. The true last light in the Shadowlands.

“Shall I stay with you?”

“Art–,” Halsin starts, but she shakes her head calmly, knowingly. “He’s sleeping soundly. Seems his bad dreams have come to visit you.”

“I do not wish to burden you with something so trivial.”

“You could not burden me,” Tav says quietly. “But I will leave, if you prefer.”

Her thumb strokes over his chest, her hand still pressed against him. His pulse quickens again at so intimate, so innocent a touch. Halsin wonders if she can feel it.

“I prefer your presence, always. But you need your own rest.”

“Very well.”

Her palm slips from him as she rises to her feet, and he thinks for a moment that he’s made a mistake, has waved off her kindness, dismissed her.

Rather, she motions for him to move over and climbs slowly, wordlessly into the bed next to him. He finds himself lifting the sheets for her, inviting her in without hesitation.

She’s changed, he realizes as she comes close, her armor cast aside for the day. Her nightclothes make her look, make her feel smaller, softer. He wants so badly to slip his hands beneath the fabric, to see how soft she is beneath.

“Is this alright?” Tav whispers, looking earnestly into his eyes. Her fingertips flit over his cheek, brushing a lock of his hair behind his ear. “Are you alright?”

The bed is small and Halsin is not, and she is pressed against him like a flower between the pages of a book. He can only nod.

“I will rest here then, with you.”

In the gentlest act he can or will ever remember, she leans forward and kisses his eyes as if bestowing a blessing upon them, a ward against the darkness.

**********

Halsin wakes again in near-total silence, save the gentle inhale-exhale of Tav’s breathing beside him. He doesn’t know how much time has passed, and for the first time in a long time, doesn’t mind.

Instead, he is aware of how peaceful he feels in this moment, sheltered from the dangers beyond the inn, aware that at one point or another he had let go of his worry and settled deep into dreaming. The earlier tension in his muscles has melted into a tired ache, as if he is returning from a very long walk in the Grove.

And she is here, wrapped in his arms. A light to break all shadows.

He can’t be sure when it happened. The shift had been imperceptible, like the feeling of falling asleep, or falling in love.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #halsin x tav #my fic #halsin x reader #halsin x fem! tav #fluff #angst with a happy ending #hurt/comfort #but mostly just so soft #like it was a delight to write something so sweet #my writing #bg3 fanfiction #halsin romance #bg3 halsin #halsin fanfic

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