#i need to go with someone who can cope with hills

[jwnstars]

. ✉️ ་ ˖ ʿ ִֶָon melancholy hill. 花朵

想象 life as cupid couldn’t be more underwhelming and boring, because, even if you are a matchmaker, (or THE matchmaker) you can’t bring anyone to love you. but then jake is ready to love you for eternity.. 想象 reader thinks she’s a tad bit ugly. however, jake changes that. ( jake is obsessed with reader lolz! )

You were always the odd one out.

You never went out, you never hung out with your friends, you never goofed around at night. you never had time for anything!

People thought you just hated socializing, or maybe you didn’t like other people in general, they assumed you just liked being alone…

or you were just some loner who couldn’t gain a single friend so she copes by not hanging out with anyone.

And that was way off. In fact, you loved living. But were you someone who had time to live? No. You weren’t.

Because you were the one and only Roman God of love, lonely hearts expert, Cherub, you were CUPID. you put people together and made them fall in love, you were the reason people believe and didn’t believe in love.

maybe their relationship didn’t work out, but maybe it did. but your being on earth was why people could be with someone else, love someone destined to them.

But that’s what made you feel pathetic, you put two people together for them to have a soulmate for life, but whose arms could you creep into so you can cry and weep in their warm embrace? no one. because it was apart of the contract,

‘No use of corruption over your love bow. If you break this rule, you are erased from the face of EARTH, or, someone else can take the blame and receive the punishment instead.’ Fuck. It’s that serious? that was your exact thought, you have to live a life without a someone? a partner?

School was worse. Boys didn’t like you, girls thought you were a loser. Life when you didn’t have that love bow was a different type of sadness.

So you found yourself in the janitors room. Curled into a ball with your knees to your face, a flood of tears when down on her cheeks like there was no tomorrow. She felt so alone, so helpless. Hiccups and sniffles filled the room; she didn’t give a single care in the world if she was late.

She thought to herself, she was just ugly. It wasn’t because of the contract, instead, it was because no one was actually attracted to her. It made her violently sob like a baby, she just wanted someone’s arm around her soul, someone who can hold her until she felt safe.

“Hello? Excuse me pretty miss.. are you okay?”

You opened your salty eyes and met eyes with a guy whose australian accent was so strong and raspy, almost as attractive as how the guy was already. However, you realized, pretty miss?

“oh I’m fine.. I’m sorry, I’m gonna be late to class.” she tried getting up from her position, but it seemed like the guy didn’t want her to go. “it’s dismissal, you don’t need to hide your beautiful face,”

“You know me but, it’s Jake. Sim Jaehyun. I noticed you were crying, I wanted to see if you were okay. Are you okay? If no one asked you yet.” She felt embarrassed, “Thank you, Jake. But I need to go, I’m sorry, please don’t waste your time on me—”

“I didn’t want to tell you but, I’m not wasting time on you. It feels like I’m wasting time if I’m just gonna stand there so oblivious, I’m sorry. but you’re gorgeous, I love the way you look..

…I was your classmate since grade 6 but you just never noticed me because whenever I talked to you, you thought I was a mere joke.”

“I’m not gorgeous, Jake, and I always avoided you because I thought it was always the popular girls playing tricks on me.”

“God! You take my breath away! If you’re not gorgeous, Hell; you’re perfect!” Jake cried out, trying to bring her to realization. “You’re so sweet and kind, I don’t know why no one wants to approach you! That’s why I fell inlove with you!”

Jake, held her face so gently and she felt his warm hands on her own bones. “I might not be cupid, but I think someone as pretty as you.. would be a perfect match with someone who adores you so much. And that’s me.”

“but Jake. I’m cupid. And if I date you, I’ll be gone forever. Unless; you will be gone forever.”

“So what? If I feel your arms around me once I would be alright with not existing anymore, I just want to be yours.”

Yeah, jake wasn’t cupid. But she was, and when jake knew what were the consequences, he was seriously ready to take the blame. He would be ready to be erased off the face of earth if that meant he could be interlinked with her.

@ jwnstars !! cupid is here :^

OK. I hope that touched you guys like it did to me, this was so sentimental and precious to me. (Sorry. I just love this) the last part was my fav part writing because OMLLL ??? Jake would literally give up his life for his gf / s/o so that they could live theirs, so fricking cute !!! :’)))

He would give up his everything to be with them forever. Fuck. I might cry. ( @all4aoki witnessed me making this :3 )

#enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagine #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen fan fiction #enhypen jake #enhypen jake x reader #enhypen jake x y/n #enhypen jake x you #enhypen jake soft hours #jake enhypen x you #jake enhypen x y/n #jake enhypen drabbles #jake enhypen x reader #jake enhypen fluff #jake enhypen #jake sim #sim jaeyun #sim jake #sim jaeyoon

[daisydoctor13]

Tried to get my parents to walk up a hill but apparently they 'hadn't done enough training' and 'the dog wouldn't manage it' so we went on a boat trip instead

#we did a shorter walk and mum complained the whole way how steep it was #i need to go with someone who can cope with hills #little trip on annual leave #lake district #derwentwater

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Prologue

Jasper Hale x Reader

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: None for this chapter [this also isn’t beta’d so bear with me]

Notes: it took me so long to work up the courage to actually post my first work, so enjoy! I’ll be over here anxiously awaiting your thoughts.

Word Count: 705

Series Masterlist

A clear horizon. An orange sunset fading into vivid pinks and purples as the atmosphere darkens in preparation for the night. Evening sun warming your face, the space around you drifting into silence as calm settles into your bones, time halting its ever constant forward march, no thoughts or worries.

That’s what it felt like, the moment my eyes met Jasper Hale’s. Like I was done searching for what my heart was in need of as soon as I glanced into those golden pools of his.

• January 24th, 2005 • Forks High School •

Reader

Based on the non-stop gossip floating around this microscopic high school, I’m the newest kid on the block. Dethroning the most recent to wear the title, Bella Swan, the Police Chief’s daughter.

Now, I’m not opposed to the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State, but Forks could strive to be a little more than a one-stoplight town and add a few more amenities. This big city Texas girl needs a little more than Forks Outfitters - the one stop shop for food, basic clothing, and hardware.

I left Dallas because my mom needed me here, my dad didn’t want to trade sunshine and big ranches for rain and freezing temperatures. They’re happily divorced, but I can tell that over time it’s worn her down. I’m just a junior in high school, but I guess she and I can navigate this together.

God, let there be cute boys at this high school, I’m begging you.

I was almost immediately accosted by what I deemed the welcoming committee the moment I locked the door to my car and began the dreaded ‘new kid’ trek to the front office of Forks High School. Stares came from anyone loitering in the parking lot before class while this overly-excited kid, who introduced himself as Eric Yorkie, began what had to be a well rehearsed ‘anything you need’ spiel.

All hopes of flying under the radar halfway through junior year vanished into thin air and I hadn’t even made it to the sidewalk yet.

“Eric? I really appreciate your help and concern, but I was hoping to kinda just glide in on my first day and blend in.” I said as we walked together through the wet parking lot, dodging the bigger puddles so I wouldn't soak my shoes before I got to my first class of the day.

“Oh that’s pretty much impossible here, newcomers are always the only thing everyone talks about. Don’t be scared to hit me up with questions later though, good luck!” Shouting that last part as he dashed off to class, turning the heads of a few close students.

A deep sigh passed my lips as I trudged on, pulling open the heavy door to the administration office. It’s nice to have someone offer help on my first day, I just wish this town was big enough so that I could get lost on everyone’s list of priorities to gossip about or stare at.

Today is going to be a long day.

“Good morning dear!” A sweet older woman announced from behind the central desk in the front office. The name plate in front of her reading ‘Administrative Secretary Shelly Cope’.

“Good morning Miss Cope. I’m Y/n Y/l/n, here to pick up my class schedule and hopefully a map of the place?” I said, cutting to the chase. The front office is a giant fish bowl to the students walking by outside, no one wants to spend more time than necessary here on their first day.

“Oh yes! I’ve got it all printed out and ready to go for ya dear, along with your locker assignment.” She says with a smile, passing the papers across her desk. “Let me know if you have any questions or if you need help with anything!”

“Yes ma’am, thank you!” I responded, half reading my new schedule - half aware of where I was going as I press a shoulder to the exit.

First period Biology

Second period English

Third period Spanish

Fourth period Trigonom-

The front office door smacks straight into an unsuspecting, gorgeous, golden-eyed fellow student, sending the papers clutched in my hands to the ground.

Next

#jasper hale x reader #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #jasper whitlock hale #jasper hale fanfiction #twilight #twilight fanfiction #reader insert #slow burn #bless-my-demons #redamancy series

[ojcobsessed]

Few actors have endured as fraught a journey as Oliver Jackson-Cohen. Few actors are more in demand than the star of The Haunting of Hill House and Jackdaw

by Maeve Ryan

OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN HAS been doing this a while. He decided to act at the age of six. Joined a theatre troupe and began to climb. He continued until university but didn’t get into any drama schools. Throughout our conversation, he tells me there were no signs pointing him in this direction, no surefire chance at success. But he’s found it, and then some.

He rose to prominence with his highly acclaimed portrayal of Luke Crain in Mike Flanagan’s The Haunting of Hill House. 

A character that battled a heroin addiction to cope with past traumas, though addiction was the least interesting thing about him. The show featured stars of the past, and launched new ones into the present, Oliver Jackson-Cohen being one of them. The role of Luke changed the course of his life – for more reasons than one. 

It was the first time in his life he no longer had to hide, he tells me. “I could be as fragile as I felt.” He took his newfound Netflix fame and began to carve a path that finally aligned with who he was, not who the world wanted him to be.

Now, he takes centre stage in Jamie Dobb’s new film Jackdaw. When he read the script, he thought he was the last man for the job. When Dobb explained the hyper masculine lead needed someone to bring softness behind it, he signed on.

Jackson-Cohen’s career, and presence, proves that the strength of a man lies in his ability to go beyond society’s standards. He breaks the stereotypes like bread over a long conversation in Soho. We discuss his entrance into the industry, facing traumas, and finding a safe place to land.

sm: What was the first movie you ever saw that made you want to act?

o-jc: Home Alone. I remember seeing that film and saying, oh whoa, so a kid can do this? I remember telling my dad, ‘I think I want to do that.’ I was six or seven. 

But it gets dark. So, my mum and dad’s house had a bay window that was on the street. And when I came home from school for a week, I just sat in the window thinking, any minute now, someone from Home Alone is going to walk past, and go, there’s a kid! Let’s get him! I was willingly wanting to get kidnapped. Which is so fucked. My dad came home and was like, ‘What are you doing?’ And then he was like, ‘Yeah, that’s not how that works.’

We found a theatre program – I started going there when I was eight. I was never the golden kid. In the drama clubs, I was always like the snake in the background. Or just the scenery. We used to put on terrible plays. I was such an insular kid. I found a safe place to feel where it’s real, but it’s not. So you can experience it all. I did that for three years, and then I was kicked out.

sm: What! Why?

oj-c: I had an attitude or something like that. I got suspended so many times. I genuinely was not looking for trouble. I was always the one to get caught. Like, I was the kid who someone handed the knife to, and I’d be standing above the dead body, and then the next thing I knew it was 20 years in prison. It was always stuff like that. But it was time to move on anyway.

I found this drama school at Riverside Studios. It was a small group, maybe eight or nine people. It was so interesting, because I’m going to do a gross name drop, but in the group was Carey Mulligan and Imogen Poots. It was incredible.

sm: Those were the kids that were just there? Did you have to audition?

oj-c: No, but I did a trial. It was a lot of devised stuff, like improv. A guy named Andrew Bradford ran it. He really supported kids. It was all day Saturday. We were all teenagers. It felt like another life. It grew and grew and by the time I left I was 17 or 18. It wasn’t one of those places that you were beaten down. No fake bullshit. It was a safe place to try stuff. We’d put on plays and we all got agents from that as kids.

sm: Is that the moment you look back on and think of as the beginning?

oj-c: I think so. But it was such a long period of time. Career wise, it was quite stagnant. I did one job when I was 15 that was some late night soap. Then I didn’t do anything until I was 18. I wasn’t like this is real until later. It started to snowball when I finished school. I went to get a French lit degree, hated it, dropped out, and applied to drama school. I didn’t get in anywhere.

In the meantime, there was a job at the BBC for a silly period drama. I did that, took the money, and went to do a foundation in New York at Strasberg.

sm: Tell me about the audition for drama school. You didn’t get in anywhere?

oj-c: Yes. I’m telling you there were no signs that pointed to me saying, yeah, you’re quite good at this. It felt like everyone was saying, ‘don’t do it.’ Which is a really interesting place to start from. If no one around me believes in me, how do I? And I just keep going? It was a mix of delusion and stupidity.

sm: Did you think about doing something else?

oj-c: When I was still in high school, I worked as a runner on productions, mainly at the BBC. I was revolving through that so when I finished school, that was kinda my job.. I got to see the inner workings of how sets worked, rehearsal periods. I got to see the writers and the actors, how they would construct a joke, and adjust things.

When I was 17, I started doing the European Music Awards. I would go and work in the costume department, I didn’t fucking know anything about how to sew on a bun but it was amazing. I got such a solid understanding of how a production office works, how a schedule works.

Tragically, you see a lot of how an actor is a small cog in this machine. Everyone is working so diligently. This whole idea of superiority that can go on, it was important for me to witness early on. Because when you go onto set and someone says five minutes, it actually means five minutes. But it was also hard because I was watching people do what I love. I didn’t get into school, so I said fuck it, I’m gonna do a foundation for a year and reapply to drama school from New York.

sm: Why choose the Strasberg program?

oj-c: Someone told me about it. I thought I needed to go do something that gives me a playground, a space in the meantime. But when I got there, I was with this small agency, and they started sending me out on auditions. The first or second one I went on, they flew me to LA to do a screen test and I got it. This was six weeks into the program. I was like: what do I do?

sm: What did you decide?

oj-c: There were three or four movies I got, but then the financial crash happened and it all fell apart. So I went back to New York to continue with the program. But meanwhile, I had been signed to WME and my agents were like, let’s go down the studio route because that’s going to be fun. I got an audition for this Drew Barrymore movie, got that, and then I dropped out. Then got another job that moved me to LA. I was there for a year shooting and doing the prep for that.

The whole idea was that I’d do that and reapply to drama school. Then I kept on booking. It’s only in the past couple years I was like, thank fuck I didn’t stop. There were moments that I thought I needed to stop and do three years of training.

sm: Did you feel like you were missing something that other people had?

oj-c: I felt like I was back-footed. Like I had no idea what I was doing, then I realised no one does. There is no arrival point where you’re like, ‘I know how to act!’ A lot of it was becoming comfortable with learning and making mistakes. Some will hurt and some don’t matter.

sm: So you start booking jobs, and then it just keeps going? No break?

oj-c: There’s obviously periods where you’re out of work. Or you really want a job and you do 50 auditions for it and you don’t get it. A lot of that went on. But I was 22. I ended up staying in New York until I was 28. I felt like a deer in the headlights. I was just so grateful that I was working and that people wanted to hire me that I never stopped to ask if it was actually fulfilling.

I listened to a lot of people early on. I needed guidance. I needed someone to say, do this job, this will lead to this, or it’s important you work with this person. Then I woke up one day and was like, is there anything here that I’m actually proud of?

That comes with experience and maybe a little bit of delusional confidence where you go, I think I want to try and do something here that is more aligned with me. It was a weird time to be in LA. I’m six foot three. I look a certain way. People wanted the product. I thought that was how I’d get there. I’ll pretend to be confident, I’ll be a version of what these people want. Keep my mouth shut and pretend. I reached a point where I was like, I cannot keep going this way.

sm: Did you feel that you’d abandoned yourself? Or was it a slow realisation?

oj-c: It became harder and harder to pretend to be this chill guy. I’m not chill. But when you’re handed something, you go, this is fun. Then the more you read and become accustomed to the environment you’re in, you start to feel entitled to have an opinion. To feel entitled enough to say: I actually don’t like this, I actually find this quite soul destroying. Having to make myself small, or block myself off and not be as vulnerable as I feel. To not show that.

It was an interesting time – in the late 2000s, men were men and what I was being asked to do was be an idea of what a tall, white, masculine man was that sort of never really sat. I actually feel really fragile. So I took a break for six months. I was like, I’m just going to say no now and try to re-shape the direction of what I want to do. Then The Haunting of Hill House came along.

sm: How did that audition happen?

oj-c: I’d done a film with the producer before. They sent me a conversation that happens in the show between Luke and his twin sister, it was him asking her to get him drugs. They asked me to read that and literally the following day, they called me and were like yep, you.

means something to people. It was an amazing thing to be a part of.

sm: Did you immediately recognise that Luke was the kind of character you were looking to play on the page?

oj-c: Sort of. If I’m honest, I did quite a lot with the role. Mike was very open to collaborating. I put a lot of stuff in there that wasn’t necessarily there originally.

All of the siblings were there but they were sort of blank canvases for anyone to put whatever they needed to put in it. We all came in and made bigger choices to create this family dynamic. They brought on this incredible writer, Scott Kosar, who wrote The Machinist, to tackle the Luke character because he was in recovery at the time.

sm: The writer was in recovery?

oj-c: Yes. He tackled all those monologues about staying clean and everything. That was him. You know, you’re talking about a family that lived in a haunted house, that’s sort of a silly premise but all the substitutions that everyone did, it was all about trauma. Living and being followed by things unless you face them. 

sm: What did you bring to the Luke character that wouldn’t have been there if somebody else played it?

oj-c: Someone else would have brought something amazing to it. But Mike Flanagan had so many tapes come through of people playing the addiction, and you can’t play the addiction. When I first looked at Luke I was like, okay, he’s a heroin addict, but then I was like, actually, to put a label on that, to label him, does such a disservice.

So it became about what he was running from, and what was terrorising him. For me, it became about childhood sexual abuse. How do you escape this thing you don’t want to feel? And if you can’t keep it at bay, it will take over. It became about that struggle, not ‘I need my fix.’ It became about this terrorising thing that’s always present, which translates into the show. We all have things that follow us. It became about trying to humanise it and make it real by using that as a way in.

sm: You’ve been open on social media about the sexual abuse you faced as a child. How did you navigate acting something so close to home?

oj-c: I’m of the school of thought: use whatever is real for you. That’s why I do the job. A lot of us use our own personal experience, but we bring it to a safe space where it’s okay for us to experience it. In a way it calls for that, and it felt important to do for the show.

I come back to this idea of needing to stop and reassess what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to say in the work that I do. I felt like I couldn’t keep hiding. We’re all complicated, we’ve all had complicated upbringings. That’s just part of life. It’s unfortunate, but it’s sort of always going to be a mess. I needed to put everything that I felt into something. I do that all the time.

We use the parts of yourselves. Including the darker parts, and some of the stuff we don’t want to look at. I’ve never been one of those people to go half on something. You either do it or you don’t. There’s no middle ground. I’m not going to half step in, or pretend.

sm: Did you have any practices while filming to help you not carry the hurt from that world into your own?

oj-c: What was interesting was that all of that sadness was in there anyway. I wasn’t generating any of it, I was just opening it up. I didn’t whip myself up into a frenzy. It just felt like I didn’t have to hide, or pretend it wasn’t there.

sm: Would you say acting has been healing for you?

oj-c: I don’t think the word healing is correct. But it’s been incredibly helpful in helping me understand myself better. It’s probably not the healthiest but I’ve said this before, I feel like I need the job to lay out all my neuroses and vulnerability. I keep myself so closed off in real life. It’s an outlet that feels necessary. That’s why I go off to work every couple days.

sm: You are cast in a lot of thrillers and horrors. Why do you think you mesh well with that genre as an actor?

oj-c: You know, after I did Haunting of Hill House, it was sort of this big thing where the amount of horror scripts that came through was crazy. The amount of, ‘do you want to play a drug addict?’ It’s incredible how desperate people are to put us into boxes.

After Hill House, I did The Invisible Man. That was a horror but the messaging - we’re talking about gaslighting, we’re talking about toxic relationships to an extreme. It was so much more than a scary film. It felt like it had something to say. That’s the thing about horror. When it’s done well, it’s incredibly impactful.

sm: After Hill House, did you feel you had agency when choosing your roles?

oj-c: To a certain extent. But no matter where you’re at: the job you want, they don’t want you. You can be Julianne Moore, but they’d rather have someone else. It’s constant. But it did change quite a lot. In terms of becoming Netflix famous, which is the strangest, most intense thing ever because you’re the most famous person on the planet and then something else comes out. I felt like I was in a fortunate space where I could choose more, but there were films that I really wanted that I didn’t get.

sm: I heard that when you first read the Jackdaw script, you didn’t think you were right for the role?

oj-c: Yes. I called the director Jamie Childs and told him he was nuts. Because again, here’s this hyper masculine man that felt quite robotic on the page. I met Jamie on the set of Wilderness. He was telling me, ‘I’ve written this movie. I’d love to get your feedback on it.’ So I read it. It was still an early draft. Then he said, ‘Do you want to do it?’ I genuinely thought I wasn’t the right fit. I thought it was just out of convenience that he wanted me.

He said to me, ‘It needs someone to come in and make it human. To give it vulnerability.’ He said the film is about how this man readjusts his life following the death of his mum, and I was like, sold! You need some tears? I’ll bring you tears! I’m never leaving my sad boy era. It happened so quickly. We wrapped Wilderness, and then started filming three and a half weeks later. We were up north in January.

sm: You go swimming in the North Sea quite a bit in the film…

oj-c: Oh yeah. It got to like minus nine. It ended with me getting hypothermia. I think I’m a bit too delicate, that’s why. I had this amazing stunt guy called Jamie Dobbs who’s this gold motor-cross champion, and we had to shoot all this stuff of us in the night. They’d get me on a rig, and then they’d get Jamie and it got to minus 12. He got frostbite on his face. It was unbelievable. It was all night shoots. I am so surprised we all made it out alive.

sm: Had you ever cold plunged before?

oj-c: Not at all. I’m one of those people in August that’s like, I don’t know if I want to go in the sea, it looks a bit cold. We did three days on the water. Some of it was in a kayak. The underwater stuff, that’s where it got brutal. We were all eating every 25 minutes because we were so cold. There was a boat just for food. I couldn’t name one thing we ate. It was just fuel. We were going to work at 5pm, and then wrapping in the morning.

sm: Do you often try new things on film sets that you’d never do otherwise?

oj-c: Yes, all the time! That’s part of the allure of it. You get to learn all these weird things that you’d never do. You get to experience these amazing things. I’ve been doing this for so long, because I’m 150 years old, and someone will bring something up and I’ll be like, oh I’ve done that! But then I’m like wait no I didn’t, the character did.

sm: Was there anything else you learned on the set of Jackdaw? Motorcross?

oj-c: Yes! I fucking loved it. If I’m honest, a lot of it is me jumping on and starting up and then getting out of frame. Insurance-wise, I couldn’t do any of the jumps or anything. But it is so great. There is nothing quite like it.

sm: Do you ever think you’ll get into the writing side of film?

oj-c: I have. I just don’t know what I have to say yet. Everyone reaches a point where they think, I don’t want to forever be a product. It would be nice to be part of the creative. I have a lot of opinions.

You go into a job with the best intentions. This is what they’ve told us, this is what’s been sold and then you’ll see the final product and be like: that’s not at all what I thought it would be. The more you do it, the more you feel like you know what you actually like and what you want to be part of. I’ll get to it at some point.

Jackdaw is in cinemas now.

#oliver jackson-cohen #oliver jackson cohen #jackdaw #jackdaw film #jamie childs #2024 #interview #cw: csa #mike flanagan #haunting of hill house #luke crain #jack dawson #i have that home alone anecdote memorised by now 😭 #he writes!

[eluminium]

SKIZZ WEEK DAY 7. FINAL DAY. Well, okay I have to catch up on day 3 and day 6 BUT. STILL. DAY 7!!! this one got LONG again. I based this fic on that one scene from Skizz's episode 1 where Beef decides they're gonna spoon each other. Yeah.

As always, HUGE thanks to @skizzlemanweek for organizing this in the first place! It has been really fun to write for and the fact that it got me to write shit after like, 2 years of inactivity is insane. Huge props to them!!!

ANYWAYS! ONTO THE FINAL DAY!

Prompt 7: Free day!

-

Okay. Take some deep breaths, Skizz. It's not that big of a deal. You are fine! It's just being on THE Hermitcraft server with all the hermits as a hermit. That's just your average Tuesday for the Skizz- wait.

Void, he is on HERMITCRAFT. He's a HERMIT. FOR REAL. Is this real?! Or has he been dreaming or hallucinating?! His eyes dart around, and yep, those are hermits. Quickly, he pinches his arm. He lets go just as quickly with a squeak to boot when it's confirmed that this is real. He is a Hermit.

Now, he isn't the type of person to be nervous or scared. He thinks of himself as a pretty chill guy! He's Skizzleman. What dignity does he have to lose? However, maybe the fact he's not the type of guy to freak out means that because he's freaking out right now he has NO clue how to cope. He's so cool that he forgot how to deal! Agh, why now!?

"I'm gonna make a bed for our team, so we're gonna sleep in a communal bed, cuz there's only one right now." Someone- Oh it's Clebert!- comments while a newly crafted white bed appears next to the crafting table and furnace combo. It shakes Skizz out of his thoughts and back to the present, thank void. It's also a sweet reminder that just because he's on Hermitcraft doesn't mean he's a total stranger! In his mining team (what were they called again? Musterd Milktots? What is a milktot-) he's got Clebert and Tango Top! He knows them well! Then there's Doc, and he's hung out with Doc before! Like at the OlympZITS! And last, there's Beef! Who he….uh…Okay, he's never talked to Beef before. But how hard could it be? He'll charm his way into Beef's heart soon enough.

Speaking of the man, here he comes over the hills now! "I have a bed already. I have a bed!" he announces as he jogs over to use the crafting table. The sky behind him has faded to a soft yellowish orange as the sun sets on Skizz's first official day on Hermitcraft. Good thing they managed to make these beds in time!

Cleo seems to agree as she declares: "Oh okay! Now we can split up our sharing of the beds! That's cool!" While they speak, Tango appears behind them. He doesn't even acknowledge what just happened. The blaze man starts placing dirt around their little area to prepare for the night. Skizz giggles to himself. He's always task-focused, that guy.

As night starts falling, it dawns on Skizz that they only have two beds. And there are currently four of them. Doc disappeared somewhere, but he was told Doc tends to do that. Still, even with one less Milktot, they need to share beds in pairs or have one or two of them sleep on the ground. Well, he can do both! Nothing against a little snuggling with the homies!

"So, everyone under the covers?" He asks, looking between his fellow teammates. They also seem to have realized the situation and come to the same conclusion as him.

Their faces tell Skizz of the various levels of internal conflict occurring in this dirt hut. Tango doesn't seem very excited at all with the low burning flame on his head and a frown decorating his face. Cleo also wears a frown on her lips but a glint of understanding in her eyes. Once again, Skizz doesn't know Beef well enough to read him accurately, but he seems the most accepting out of the three. That's when it dawns on him that maybe not everyone is as comfortable with cuddling the homies. And now he feels like a dumbass for instantly jumping to that option. And he's the new guy, too! Void, this is going great so far!

Okay, how can he fix this? Maybe he can volunteer to sleep on the ground. Or he could invite Tango to a bed (god he's gonna get a headache from all these jokes he shouldn't make-!) since Tango knows him best and Skizz already has experience dealing with Tango's fire. Besides, they both have old man backs. If they sleep on the ground, they'll be incapacitated for days. And there's no way Tango should be allowed to do that, not on his watch!

But as he's turning towards Tango to make the offer, Beef unexpectedly grabs his gaze instead. Huh-?

"Skizz, you're mine~. Get in here, big boy," He growls in an overly sultry tone. Completely outta nowhere! So outta nowhere Skizz can't help but giggle at it.

Now, he recognizes what a bit is and realizes that it's probably an attempt by Beef to lighten the mood. So obviously, he's gotta keep it going! That's the one rule of improv, baby!

"Big spoon or little spoon?" He responds in a comedically deadpan tone while moving towards one of the beds. Cleo and Tango laugh at his theatrics, and the mood does indeed lighten. Mission success! He and Beef also chuckle a bit before Skizz moves between the beds and puts on a more serious face.

"Okay, for real though. How are we doing this? Are there some kind of Hermit rules around snuggling with your fellow Hermits I don't know about?" He asks the other three.

"No Skizz, I don't think we have rules about that. Although I don't know how…safe and comfortable it is to cuddlebear ol' Tango over here. With all the fire stuff and possible burnificating in your sleep," Tango responds honestly. Skizz rolls his eyes.

"Come on, Top. You're not that bad, dude! We've shared many a bed during Third Life, and Last Life, and Limited Life, and Secret Life-"

"Don't act like you weren't complaining in the morning! You were like: 'Ooo Tango I'm never cuddling with you again! This is awful, bleugh!'"

"That's because I got SWEATY from your crazy body heat! Not because I was on FIRE like you seem to be thinking!!!"

"Okay guys we get it, you're very affectionate with each other and it's cute, now lets get back to the point!" Cleo calls out to stop this madness before it escelates into a slap fight. Skizz and Tango both shut up in compliance.

"I have an idea!" Beef chimes in. All of them turn their eyes to him. They stay silent but nod at him to continue.

"Cleo, you can't really feel temperature, correct?" Beef asks, turning towards said Cleo.

"Yeah, being a zombie and all," Cleo answers with a shrug.

"So if you and Tango take one bed, we'll minimize the amount of…sweating happening. And, for you Cleo, it'll be easier to keep your body warm enough not to freeze up during the night!" Beef finishes off.

Tango and Cleo both contemplate this plan. It makes a lot of logical sense to split it up that way.

Cleo turns to Skizz. "Can you promise that he doesn't light up like a flamethrower? Don't get me wrong! I do like fire, just not ON me," She asks him. Tango makes some vaguely offended noises in the background despite the fact he was the one who brought it up.

"I promise you, Clebert! Top sleeps like a dead man. There's no way he'll light up at all. And if he does, dude, just kick him off the bed. It'll be funny," He answers with a smile and a wink. Then he laughs at the increased amount of offended Tango noises. They're just the best, okay!

"Alright I guess it's you and me, Tango. We'll sleep back to back, yeah?" Cleo gestures at Tango while she starts preparing the bed closest to them. Tango sounds like he agrees, but Skizz has already tuned them out to focus on his deal with Beef.

"So, I guess I was yours, huh?" He jokes as Beef joins him by the other bed.

"I guess so!" Beef cheers back.

For a second, they just stand there. Waiting for the other to make a move. …Maybe Skizz should give Beef the bed anyway. Skizz's the new guy, after all. He can't be making moves like this.

"Hey man, if this is really not your style, I'm fine with sleeping on the ground," He offers, meeting Beef's eyes. Said eyes light up in amusement, however.

"I think everyone in this hut knows that if anyone slept on the grass they'd wake up with a ton of back pain. We're all too old for that! Unless you'd feel uncomfortable, but I'll take a guess that you're not considering…you know." Beef reassures while patting Skizz on the back. He's right on that. It doesn't really bother Skizz…Then Beef's face morphs into one of contemplation.

"I was thinking more about how we're gonna fit in this bed," He continues, gesturing to said bed.

Oh, oh yeah. Second observation of the night. The bed is kinda small for them. They're both big, burly, broad men, for crying out loud. Unless they're going to connect like puzzle pieces, there is no way both of them are fitting in this bed.

Skizz smacks his lips. "Well, big guy. Either we snuggle up real close, or one of us ends up on the ground. You in?" He says bluntly, almost like a challenge.

Beef thinks about it before exclaiming: "I'm in," while lifting up the blanket. He then crawls in towards the opposite edge of the bed and lays sideways. Skizz has never been one to think too hard before doing something, so he crawls in next, and the great shuffling begins.

It's, well, not the easiest. Each time one of them moves an inch, something gets kicked, punched, or pushed. It's a miracle that they manage to avoid kneeing each other in the jewels. But eventually, they managed to settle into a comfortable position. What a blessing!

That blessing ends up being them curling their legs around each other like two strings of DNA, pressing together like a sandwich, and Beef's head resting on top of Skizz's, while Skizz almost has his face in Beef's mantits. It's not something Skizz thought would be included in his first day on Hermitcraft, but he isn't unhappy about it. Beef seems content, breathing a sigh of relief as they finally fit together. Afterward, he lets out some soft laughter that Skizz feels more than he hears.

"Welcome to Hermitcraft, Skizzleman. This has been your initiation ritual into this madness," He jokes, his log-like arms resting around Skizz's back.

"I think I'm gonna like this gig," He responds with a laugh before wiggling a little bit. He feels Beef smile into his hair. On the other side, the shuffling sound from Tango and Cleo ceases as well. After a long negotiation, everyone is finally comfortable.

"Goodnight, everyone," Skizz says.

"Goodnight." The others respond.

As silence falls on the Musterd Milktots dirt hut, Skizz feels the most relaxed in months. Beef is already drifting off based on his breathing, and soft snores are heard from the other side. As Skizz starts succumbing to sleep, he thinks:

"Yeah. I'm gonna love it here."

#skizzleman #skizz week 7 #skizz week #vintagebeef #zombiecleo #tangotek #my writing #hermitfic #WOO HOO LAST DAY #GOOD JOB TO EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATED #YOU DID GREAT!!! #dose of skizz #dose of beef

[starastrologyy]

Astrology Observations 🍒

Synastry & Composite Edition

Please do not repost any of my work on other social media platforms 🤍

So, I’ve been really studying composite charts recently, and I’ve noticed a few things! Eros in the 8th house of a composite chart can show a couple who has really good sex. A lot of the times the sex is what’s keeping them together, unless they have strong emotional and conversational synastry!

I’ve also noticed that Neptune in the 3rd house of a composite chart can show a relationship where there is not a lot of trust. There can be a lot of lying or secret keeping in this kind of dynamic.

Mars in the 12th house of a composite chart has often been said to be a placement that suggests that two people will not be having good sex or enough sex. However, I actually have observed this placement to indicate a HIDDEN sexual relationship between two people.

Venus square Uranus in a composite chart often works better when the two people are not looking for an overly serious/stable commitment. This relationship often becomes problematic when one or both parties are attempting to make it more serious than it needs to be. This works well in long distance relationships and friends with benefits scenarios.

Juno in conjunction to one of the angles in a composite chart can indicate marriage. This is especially true if it’s conjunct the 10th or 7th house cusp.

So I honestly don’t believe that a single aspect in a natal, synastry, or composite chart can indicate infidelity or pathological lying. I truly believe someone will cheat if they want to, regardless of their astrological placements. However, there are some placements in a male chart that make me go “hmmm” when I see them. This is ESPECIALLY true if they are at an orb of 1 degrees or less. The first one is Mars square Neptune! I find that men who have this placement often engage in major escapist behaviors. They often turn to drugs, alcohol or sex to cope with life’s pressures.Their judgement is often clouded and they can be easily influenced by their friends. Another one is Venus square Jupiter. I find that these men don’t have limits when it comes to pleasure! They love sex, spending, money, and anything that’s considered pleasurable. These men often don’t know when enough is enough, and when to stop. In conclusion, I find that men with these placements don’t always know how to appropriately handle themselves in romantic relationships. However, like I said, one placement or aspect should not make you run for the hills. Often times, you will need multiple placements to support a claim. But I just thought I’d share the ones that catch my attention in a man’s chart.

Someone asked me a while ago what I thought about the aspect Chiron conjunct Mars in a composite chart! This placement can suggest healing through sex or physical intimacy when it is placed in the 2nd or 8th house of a composite chart. If it is placed in the 9th house, it can indicate that you both will experience healing through traveling together and shaping your beliefs as a unit. In this instance, spirituality or religion may feature strongly in your relationship.

Saturn gets such a bad rep. But I’ve found that Saturn on an angle of a synastry or composite chart often indicates a very long-term relationship! I’ve seen this the most when it comes to Saturn conjunct the MC in a composite chart.

If your Ascendant falls into someone’s 9th house, they likely think very highly of you and place you on a pedestal. Your ascendant will need to be aspecting the other persons personal planets positively for this to really apply. In other words, your ascendant should be making trines and sextiles to the other persons planets.

Relationships that have hard aspects between Venus and Pluto in synastry or the composite chart are very difficult to leave. There’s an addictive quality to these relationships and the endings are usually quite painful/dramatic.

I love easy aspects to Neptune in synastry as they point to a relationship in which the two people give each other a lot of grace.

When transit Uranus enters your composite 7th house, you may break up very suddenly only to get back together just as suddenly. Your relationship may enter a period in which it has a ver “on-and-off” dynamic during this transit.

As we all know, Juno is the marriage asteroid. However, it’s believed that in a man’s chart (cishet) Juno represents his ‘ideal wife’. However, in a woman’s chart it is said to represent how she will behave in her marriage and the qualities that she is likely to display.

#astrology tumblr #synastry #astrology observations #astrologyposts #astrology #astro thoughts #astrology blog #astro notes #astro tips #astro posts

[suchasourwolfie]

Sterek Prostitute AU’s

Stiles Prostitute 

The Last Traces of Smoke Series by unpossible 

A Mating Moon was the very first Sterek I ever read. It’s a Beacon Hills AU, (steamily) Filthy and still captures that tense Sterek dynamic. 

Werewolf-Friendly by @badwolfbadwolf 

Werewolves are known AU. College AU. Socially awkward/ self-depricating Derek hires Stiles. Fun and sexy. 

Your Majesty by grimm 

Sad to see this gem deleted, it was a classic in this Sterek AU. Human AU. Lonely, Businessman Derek. Broke Cam-boy Stiles. “Pretty-womanesque”. 

Don’t Worry Baby by @kalpurna

Derek doesn’t want a prostitute. He wants a “mistress”. 

Lot Lizards and other Naughty Things by Leela 

PWP. Werewolves are known AU. Trucker!Derek / LotLizard!Stiles. 

Of All the People Passing by PercyKane 

PWP. Human AU. Businessman!Derek / Prostitute!Stiles. “Porn with Potential” tag. 

I’m Like Rolling Thunder by astrugglingstoic

Incubus/Prostitute!Stiles. Interesting dynamic as Incubus!Stiles can handle all a werewolf has to give and Derek can allow his wolf to be himself. 

The Civilian by bloodwrites 

Canon-setting. This one is a bit heavier than the others (though still has it’s steamy moments). Stiles isn’t prostituting himself for the money, it’s more of a toxic coping mechanism after everything that’s happened. Derek catches on to what he’s doing and they come to an ... arrangement. 

Free Consultation by DevilDoll 

Werewolves are known AU. “Stiles Stilinski, Professional Knotting Surrogate.” 

All Over Me by Stephaninnie 

Canon Setting. Stiles needs money, so he creates an online profile to prostitute himself. Derek finds it ... and will get to the bottom of who is impersonating Stiles online. 

Howl by Nival_Vixen @nivalvixen

Werewolves are known AU. Derek misjudged the timing of his heat and he’s going to need someone who can handle him through it. 

Pretty Guy by 3rdgenderfromthesun

Werewolves are NOT known, but exist AU. Laura Lives. Laura convinces Derek to “get some tension out”. Derek hires Stiles ... and finds more than he was looking for - but also a way to relax. 

Prostitute Derek 

Millstone by eleanor_lavish @lavishness

Human AU. But Derek’s trauma is just as deep and when Stiles hires him, the relationship proves more than either was looking for. 

when the walls come down (you’ll know I’m here to stay) by paradis 

Werewolves are NOT known, but exist. Derek and Laura are just surviving in the city until successful businessman Stiles hires Derek and he finally starts living. 

Unexpected Series by blackstar 

A virgin at 21, Stiles gets the best present ever from Scott. 

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Delta_Immortal @deltaimmortal 

Sugarbaby!Derek / Billionaire!Stiles. Sterek Blockbuster feels. 

#sterek #sterek fic #sterek fanfic #sterek fanfiction #sterek fics #stiles x derek #derek hale #stiles stilinski #prostitute_au

[princeescaluswords]

The State Championship

One of the key things I like about Teen Wolf is the way its heroic protagonist, Scott McCall, defined heroism through his compassion. This active compassion is not restricted to simply alleviating suffering; it also extends to the awareness of people as individuals with different abilities, needs, and motivations. In other words, Scott cared for people even when they didn't make his life easy or do what he wanted. It is a defining trait for him, even though he still had to learn several important lessons, including recognizing boundaries, acknowledging failure, and coping with the idea that others would use this compassion against him.

I feel that nothing shows this more than his friendship with Stiles Stilinski. Scott doesn't need Stiles to be perfect, to be always right, to be powerful; he simply needs Stiles to be Stiles. For me, one incident in particular shows the depth of Scott's love for Stiles.

When the episode Battlefield (2x11) starts, it's the week of the State Championships, which the Beacon Hills High School has managed to reach even with two separate serial killing sprees going on during the same semester. At the beginning of the series, Scott's dream was to make First Line. That dream is gone.

Scott: Well, thanks, but I'm not - I'm not going either. Can't even think about playing some meaningless game right now. Isaac: You weren't at practice last week, were you?

It seems that Jackson, who Scott knows has not only been turned by Derek into the kanima but is now under the control of Gerard Argent is going to be playing in the State Championship. Scott decides he has to play, because Gerard is up to something. After all, he always has a plan.

The stakes are raised throughout the episode. Derek is elsewhere, beating the shit out of Peter in a useless expression of self-loathing. Scott's been benched by Coach due to Gerard's manipulation. His mother -- directly threatened by Gerard at the beginning of the episode -- comes to the game. Gerard gives a very menacing speech with serious overtones. Scott doesn't know what to do.

And then, as Stiles and Scott sit next to each other on the bench, both nervously waiting for the game to start.

Stiles: You know what's going on? Scott: Not yet. Stiles: It's going to be bad, isn't it? I mean, like people screaming, running for their lives, blood, killing, maiming kind of bad? Scott: Looks like it. Stiles: Scott, the other night seeing my dad get hit over the head by Matt, you know, while I'm just lying there and I can't even move, it just - I want to help, you know, but I can't do the things that you can do. I can't - Scott: It's okay.

And that's that. Scott spends the rest of the episode struggling with Gerard, who threatens to "have Jackson rip someone's head off right in the middle of the field and drench everyone you love and care about in blood." Gerard threatens Scott's mother, Lydia, Stiles and random spectators. While Isaac comes to Scott's assistance, Scott has to leave the game to save Isaac from being killed by Gerard and his hunters.

But throughout the game, there is not one line of dialogue and not one frame of action that indicates Scott resents or even thinks about asking Stiles for help. Stiles has told Scott that he's at his limit, and Scott won't ask Stiles to give more than he can.

So it ends up that while Stiles is happily scoring his first goal, Scott is fighting hunters in the locker room. He's stressed, he's panicking, he's in over his head, but he doesn't put that burden on a friend who has said he can't handle any more. The production actually lampshades it:

Gerard: You want to play chess, Scott? Then you better be willing to sacrifice your own pawns.

But that's the point: Stiles (and Isaac) aren't pieces on a board to Scott. He won't treat them as pawns (the way Derek and Peter treated him), even for the greater good.

In order to stop Gerard and Derek from killing innocent people, Scott has already given up his lacrosse season and he is in the process of losing Allison. His mother is now in danger. Stiles and Isaac are now in danger. And if he isn't fighting killers armed with wolfsbane bullets and broadswords, he's confronted with a werelizard agent of vengeance.

Meanwhile, Stiles is becoming the MVP of the State Championships, getting the acclaim of the crowd and his fellow players, including his father and Lydia Martin. And this never bothers Scott one little bit. He wants Stiles to play, if that's what Stiles wants to do. He doesn't try to demand or guilt Stiles into helping him. He wants Stiles to be happy.

While the episode ends badly for Stiles, that's not Scott's fault. Gerard takes Stiles because Scott doesn't succumb to Gerard's manipulations on the battlefield.

That makes Scott a good friend. That makes Scott a hero.

#scott mccall #stiles stilinski #scott mccall defense squad #teen wolf meta #gerard argent #tw 2x11

[thecommunalfoolboy]

What your favorite Lupin The Third Character says about you

When people make these they always just say nice things and traits of the character and it’s dumb so here’s me being right

Anyway my reputation for misogyny is legendary

Ok this largely depends on if you like edgy Jigen or goofy ah Jigen but

You desperately need to stop getting into arguments online, both in general and on whether Jigen is deep and emo or a silly guy

Gay Gay homosexual gay 🫵

You took one look at him and Lupin and said “Damn these bitches gay!” In a half joking way but the show itself proved you right in 10 seconds

Lol emo

Ok but actually seek psychiatric care

You either write porn about him in your head or you’re extremely asexual

There’s something weird going on with your gender but that’s kinda true if you watch this show in general

You’re too broke to get that next piercing don’t do it

You’re either as devastated about them whitewashing our boy as I am or you should be

Hey remember they whitewashed Goemon too you should be equally as mad about that

You head canon he speaks Spanish

Go to bed

He’s a nice man

Seek help brother

You play with jpegs like dolls

Beneath your eyes is a deep dark hole of information on this show’s lore

You also hate him so much and you want to see him die painfully <3

You want that twink OBLITERATED

You should really raise the price on your art it is so much better than you think it is

Some of you have only seen the first and it shows

“Brother,,,,, help me,,,,,,”

“Long live the king……”

Lol you thought I’m not letting you off that easy you’re deeply traumatized You’ve never felt safe in your life and the most inner hurt part of you desperately needed an adult to help you at a time in your life when you should’ve been worried about learning your times tables not whether you’d survive another day and one of the reasons you’re drawn to characters like this and collect fictional fathers is because you see a glowing smile and an infallible hero who could’ve saved you when you needed it the most

Or you’re Japanese native but like

Autism 👿

Woah dude are you like… autistic???

Stop looking at his tits

A small but significant subsection of you people are just racist and cannot be normal about Japan

If someone asked your thoughts on him you’d just be like :)))) the silly

You have way too many screenshots of him looking weird in the background

You def hate part 5 and twcfm

Whenever tms forgets he exists for a while you still watch it but you look like a wet kitten

You’re def short

You need to stop coping and accept it he looked fully insane in part 3 the hair is so so bad

You’re probably transmasc

I just wanna say I’m so sorry

She’s an ugly bitch there I said it

STROP BEING HORNY

You’re probably a girl

And definitely bi

Y’all probably know the least about the show as a whole

Good for you!! You actually touch grass

Or again you’re in the racist subgroup

The titles for each character confuse you but you only realized this one’s Fujiko because either I just said it or you saw the “stop being horny” and knew

You probably have insanely hot takes on the show

They did your girl dirty im so sorry

You’d die on the hill of whichever of her hair colors you think is best but at least you’re dead

I’m scared of you

Hey you should watch the first if you haven’t already

Zemigamna 🥺

You cry every time someone says Yata was boring and didn’t need to be in the show

Miyazaki studio gibli ass 🫵

Please you still have time left you can get out before you become obsessed you’re not in too deep yet RUN RUN SAVE YOURSEL

Or this show is all you have left and it’s infinitely too late for you no in between

Again probably a girl

You’re definitely not normal about fujiko either

You hate that one movie where he’s a dick with a burning passion and you would write 20 page essays on it

If you’re obsessed with him you probably have a chronic illness (same bestie) or major physical disability

Anyway if I fully clocked you let me know I think it’s funny to see you guys suffer

#lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #lupin gang #lupin iii part 3 #lupin the iii #lupin the first #lupin 3rd #arsene lupin iii #lupin the iiird #lupin the third castle of cagliostro #jigen lupin the third #pink jacket lupin #lupin part 3 #jigen #jigen x lupin #jigen daisuke #gay jigen #jiglup #lupjig #fujiko #fujiko mine #goemon ishikawa xiii #goemon ishikawa #goemon #ishikawa goemon xiii #zenigata #zenigata koichi #koichi zenigata #inspector zenigata

[lavendertales]

Running up that hill—Javier Peña x f!reader

Chapter 12 of the Unholy series

summary: following Javier’s shocking confession, you decide to do something practical instead of moping around. 

word count: 3.2k

gif: @azertyrobaz​ 

series masterlist | AO3 

Over the next week, you’ve found that going to work is tedious. Claudia Messina eventually requested that you take a little leave of absence so that you could figure things out, whatever they may be, given the fact that you were hardly there and unable to concentrate.

You couldn’t even live well at home anymore. You felt squeamish and uneasy all the time. You had difficulties falling asleep, and you turned to cigarettes, flavorless sandwiches, and alcohol to help you cope with what you had learned. This was killing you from inside out.

While you were never really close with your father—or your mother—he was the only parental figure you’ve had in your life. He traveled a lot for work, but always sent you money for utilities, food and clothes. He always ensured that you had everything you needed. Your grandmother was the one who raised you, and when she passed away, you left Texas and signed up to be a part of the DEA in New York.

You wouldn’t have believed that being a part of Colombia’s DEA team would bring such heartache and shock, or such a tumultuous relationship with your sworn enemy.

In the back of your mind, you know that Javier merely did his job. It’s a no-brainer. He did what any other agent would’ve done, especially if things really were as bad as he claimed they were. But you cannot let it go. You simply cannot move past it; you cannot shake away the image of Javier roughly ordering someone to just shoot down your father, an apparent pawn in Pablo Escobar’s game.

A pawn who willingly volunteered to be in that game.

How were you supposed to come to terms with the fact that not only was Javier responsible for the death of the one parent who made an effort to be in your life, but also that your father was one of Pablo Escobar’s devoted men? You had the case file, you saw the evidence Javier gave to you.

And yet your mind knew no rest.

The knock on the door makes your eyes roll back and your mouth to release an exasperated huff. You reluctantly get up from the couch and open the door, surprised to see Connie standing at the doorway.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi.”

She undoubtedly observes your messy appearance, your worn-out attitude, and the dark circles beneath your eyes, but she is more sensible than to bring them up in conversation with you.

“Steve said you stopped coming into work. He was worried,” she explains.

“Hm.”

“And Javi’s worried, too.”

“Sure he is.”

You raise your brows as if to acknowledge Connie’s words, but nothing more. Instead, you open the door wider for her to come in.

“Can I interest you in some wine?” you offer.

“I’d say yes, but it’s ten in the morning.”

“Suit yourself.”

You take a sip from the bottle of white wine, letting it wash down the cereal you had for breakfast roughly ten minutes ago, and sit back down on the couch where Connie joins you.

“What did Steve tell you? He’s apparently good at running his mouth around,” you say.

“Not much. Just that it’s between you and Javi. I tried asking Javi himself, but… you know how he is.”

“I thought I did.”

“So… what happened?”

You hold your breath for what seems like forever, having a staring competition with the floor. You light up a cigarette, shifting so that you don’t blow any smoke in Connie’s direction.

“I came to Colombia to figure out what happened to my dad,” you commence. “He died while on a trip here. And I finally found out what happened. Javier killed him.”

Visibly shook by the revelation, Connie stares at you, mouth ajar. “Javi killed your father?”

“Yes. Apparently, my dad was working for Escobar and he was quite ruthless, so he had to kill him.”

“Oh.”

You inhale the smoke, exhaling it a mere second later alongside all your contradictory thoughts.

“I know in this situation, Javier did what he had to do, duty called. But I just—I—I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t—I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Understandable. It’s a lot to process.”

You bite on your lips, feeling your eyes get teary-eyed, so you take a rushed smoke out of the cigarette and look away from Connie.

“Can I ask you something personal?” she coos.

“Sure.”

She hesitates, trying to phrase her question in the most sensitive manner.

“Did you and Javi… have something going on behind closed doors? I’m only asking because it seems you’re taking this very, very hard, which… again, understandable, but it just seems to be more than that.”

Connie immediately softens when you finally turn to face her and let see your tired eyes.

“Honey—“she begins, but you cut her off right away.

“Please, don’t—don’t do that. Don’t pity me. We weren’t… together or anything like that. We just… I don’t know. We bickered and wanted to outdo each other and suddenly… well, we were doing each other on the couch, in the bed, in the evidence room…”

“In the evidence room at the embassy?!”

You nod.

“You must’ve really gotten under his skin,” Connie says.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because one thing about Javi is that he keeps his private life private. He’d never do this with any of the brothel girls.”

“I’d feel all warm and fuzzy inside if it weren’t for the fact that he killed my father.”

“Do you have feelings for him? Or was it just the sex?”

“No. No, it wasn’t just sex. I—“

You can’t say the words you’re thinking of, not even to yourself, and certainly not to Connie. You hate that you’re even aware of them, but you cannot deny their legitimacy.

That’s too bad, cause I love you.

But all of your good memories with him—in spite of their chaotic and passionate nature—are now tainted by the secret that has been revealed to you.

“It’s complicated,” you tell Connie. “There’s too much to think about right now, too many feelings attached to this situation.”

“I understand. It’s not easy being angry at the person you have feelings for.”

“It’s not just anger, it’s… hatred and shock and… disgust. And I hate that I can’t stop thinking about him in that way, even when knowing this.”

“I know.”

“I told him to go to hell. I told him to believe me when I say that. And now all I think about is, ‘what if he’s upset and he does something stupid?’ and I hate it so fucking much.”

Connie takes your hand into hers and squeezes it, pursing her lips together, and you realize she is pitying you, but not in the way that might make you feel less of yourself.

“Do you think he’ll do something stupid?” she asks.

“I doubt it. I mean, I hope not. Damn it.”

“Why would he though? I get that he might feel guilty about what happened but still…”

“He said—“

Connie frowns, curiously waiting for you to continue.

“What did he say?”

“The night Carrillo died, after he took me home… I told him, ‘I still don’t like you, best you remember that’ and he said… he said, ‘that’s too bad, cause I love you’.”

Connie opens her mouth as if to say something in reference to that, but nothing comes out. Her shock, though, is easily readable on her face, and understandably so. Even you haven’t recovered from that night, and not just because of Carrillo’s tragic demise right in your arms, demise which haunts you day and night.

“Wow,” she breathes after a while. “He really said that?”

“Yeah. So it’s… a lot to deal with. And again, I know he had to do what he had to do, I know, I get it… but I hate him, Connie. I can’t look at him, I can’t see the face of the man who said those words and protected me and see my father’s killer.”

“You don’t have to for now, okay? You have, what an extra free week?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sure eventually you’ll sort out your feelings and—“

“I need to do something useful instead of sipping wine for breakfast.”

“I wasn’t going to mention that, but yeah, maybe you should.”

You chuckle softly, almost inaudibly, and fall deep in thought. While you had no plans to run by the embassy for another week, at least, you still wanted to do something physical, something useful that might help you clear your conscience somehow.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to talk things out with Javi?” Connie proposes.

You exhale slowly, as if you’re afraid of the words that are about to come out of your own mouth.

“I thought about it, but I just—I can’t. I’m not ready to—“

“Okay, okay. I get it.”

And then it hits you.

“What?” Connie asks as you stare at her.

“I know what I have to do.”

“Okay… uh, just for the sake of the conversation, you won’t do anything stupid, will you?”

You break into a half smile that does nothing more but terrify Connie. “No. No, it’s the right thing. It’s the only thing I can do right now.”

You stand up so abruptly, you nearly scare Connie. She watches you fumble around the apartment, concerned still.

“And just so we’re clear, you won’t kill Javi, right?”

No response from you.

“Right?!”

Still no response.

“Yeah, she’s definitely gonna kill Javi,” Connie resigns with the thought.

Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into days. And those days sent Javier into a spiral of madness.

He acknowledges the fact that he has to give you space to process everything and find a way to cope with it, yet in this moment, as he paces through the office, he feels selfish and needy almost like never before.

He wants to see you. No, scratch that; he needs to see you. He needs to see you, to talk to you and hold you. He simply can’t bear the thought of what he’s unknowingly done to you, more so because he knows deep down that if he could go back in time, he wouldn’t change a thing. He can admit to himself, in the darkest corner of his mind, he’s done the right thing. And he knows you know it, too.

It just takes some time and getting used to.

She’ll be fine. She’ll come to her senses.

She—she has to.

Go to hell.

Go. To. Hell.

Believe me when I say this. I mean it.

Even if you might come to terms with the situation and understand Javier’s actions, it is highly unlikely you’ll forgive him. He knows you too well to fool himself. He cannot even dare hope for anything else. His very nature allows no such thing.

So he roams around the office, anxious and mad and everything else in between, right under Steve and Claudia Messina’s eyes.

“What’s with Peña?” she asks.

Steve draws in a sharp breath. “He’s—worried.”

The reply concerns Claudia, who in return cocks an eyebrow at the agent.

“About what?”

Steve then updates their boss, telling him that you were supposed to return to work over two weeks ago and that your absence has become inexplicable to Javier, causing his mind to drift to dangerous scenarios.

“She called two weeks ago, announcing that she was taking an indefinite hiatus from work,” Claudia tells a flabbergasted Steve. “She mentioned some personal troubles and I agreed. I realize I said we need all hands on deck, especially after Horacio’s death, but she made it seem she was going through something very serious.”

“She is.”

“I take it you know what this is about.”

“More or less.”

“And I take it Peña is in on this too.”

Steve only nods, his eyes following Javier’s restless silhouette around the office.

“Are those two, by any chance, involved?” Claudia asks.

“No. I mean… I don’t think so. They’ve known each other for fifteen years and they’ve always been competitive with each other, but that’s pretty much it.”

By this point, Steve knows better than to reveal any of Javier’s promiscuous endeavors to anyone, let alone to the boss of the DEA department. The less she knows about their bond, the better.

“He seems very worried,” Claudia adds.

“She’s a friend, in a way. I’m worried, too.”

Claudia smiles, throwing him a suggestive glance. “Not in that way, Murphy.”

Her tone lets Steve know she caught on to far more than she’s willing to admit out loud, and he doesn’t ask anything more, nor does he deny it. And instead of playing some more pretend, he walks over to his partner in hopes of being able to calm him down.

“Hey.”

Javier doesn’t respond. He tugs at his tie and rolls up his sleeves, his mind filled with a thousand and one thoughts which render him speechless and sick.

“She called Messina two weeks ago, saying she’s taking an indefinite hiatus,” Steve informs him.

Upon hearing that, Javier freezes, throwing him an ugly, mad stare.

“And you didn’t think to mention that?” he asks sharply.

“I just found out.”

A month. A whole month since Javier told you the truth, and a whole month he’s spent in purgatory.

A whole month being apart, of you hating him and wishing him ill thoughts, probably.

“She’s probably just at home,” Steve adds.

“I called, she didn’t answer.”

“Can’t really blame her for that, I mean… given the circumstances.”

No reason to be defensive about that, Javier thinks. Unfortunately, Steve is correct. You barely opened the door to Connie. You certainly wouldn’t allow any form of communication from Javier.

“Cut her some slack,” Steve advises. “She’s going through a huge thing, and all of her actions are understandable. I’m sure she’s fine.”

Javier pulls him in, gulping with difficulty before speaking. “Trujillo checked the archives for information on Escobar this morning and he said everything we had on him is gone.”

A frown creases Steve’s forehead as he processes the words.

“Someone took all the files,” Javier continues. “Someone who has access to the embassy and knows what they’re doing.”

Steve gulps himself, coming to the same realization as his agitated partner.

“Shit,” he mutters. “You don’t think she—?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know a fucking thing, except… I know she hates feeling useless, or sitting around doing nothing.”

“Even so… doing this on her own is dangerous. She can’t possibly think it’s a good idea.”

Javier walks away, hands on his hips and few droplets of sweat protruding from his temples.

“She’s hurt, angry and feeling useless,” he says, seemingly talking to himself. “If she did decide in the spur of the moment to get up and do something viable, I can guarantee you this is what she’s doing.”

“Okay, okay, let’s view this from another angle. Say she’s the one who took all the files and managed to track down Escobar. We can track her down and help her.”

“I got Trujillo and Sofia on it. They’re both trying to locate her.”

But of course, Javier is also concerned about the fact that locating someone who doesn’t want to be found might turn out to be impossible, in this case.

“Anything?” Steve dares ask.

Javier looks at him briefly, allowing Steve to remark the exhausted and pained look in his eyes as he shakes his head as no.

“She’s tough,” he tries to encourage Javier still. “Even if she’s out there all alone trying to bring Escobar down, she’s tough.”

“I know she is, it’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about?”

“If anything happens to her, it’ll all be for fucking nothing. Everything we did and said, everything that I did… if she—if she dies… it’ll be over. And she’ll never know how much I hate myself for what I did to her.”

Tears sting his eyes, yet he fights them. He can’t be weak, not now, not in this moment.

“If something happens… I can’t live with this, Murphy. I can’t live knowing the last thing that happened between us was me breaking her and—“

Steve grabs hold of both his shoulders, slightly shaking him before pulling him in closer. He clears his throat, staring right at Javier.

“We don’t know anything for sure. We’re DEA agents, we operate on facts, hard evidence. Until we have clear evidence, undeniable and indisputable, right in front of us, you can’t freak out.”

“I’m not freaking out, I’m just—I’m worried.”

“I get that. But you gotta have a clear head, man. Until you have evidence in front of you, crystal clear, say… till five o’clock, you gotta keep it together, okay?”

“Okay.”

“When that clock strikes five p.m., then you can panic. Not a moment earlier.”

“Got it.”

With that confirmation, Steve lets go of his shoulders and nods in understanding. He thinks that if this were the case with Connie, he would go insane with worry and guilt, too. Regardless of what Javier might claim, he knows his feelings for you run far deeper than what he claims. Otherwise he would’ve never broken orders and protocols just to make sure you’re safe.

Matter of fact, Steve saw it happen only once. When Helena, one of Javier’s favorite girls from one of the brothels, was abducted, Javier bent the rules and made Carrillo track her down in particular so that he can head out and rescue her himself.

But this time, it was something completely different. The stakes were higher, and apparently Javier’s feelings were bigger.

So he waits patiently next to Javier, deciding to keep all the teasing for another time in the future when he can actually make fun of the situation.

If at all.

They wait in the office, eyes unconsciously checking the time every minute as if it would speed it up. No words are exchanged between them, somehow making the air grow even thicker with tension.

Needless to say, when the phone rings, their hopes rise, as well as their mood.

“Peña,” Javier says through the phone, his heart in the throat.

“Ramirez.”

“Sofia. What do you got?”

She falters through the receptor, but Javier—and subsequently, Steve—can hear her unsteady breaths.

“Sofia,” Javier repeats, growing more impatient and nervous. “What did you find out? Talk to me.”

“I managed to track her down.”

“And? Where is she?”

Again Sofia hesitates, and it only angers Javier now.

“For fuck’s sake, Sofia, where is she?!”

“She found Pablo Escobar. She’s with him.”

Javier fails to hear anything after that. Steve takes the phone from his hands, trying to get all the answers, all while the former blocks all sounds.

He knew you’d do this. He knew it, and he made the mistake of thinking that would ease the impact of confirmation. Hearing it out loud was not better in any way.

He fleetingly sees the time. Five p.m.

Now he can freak out.

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#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #Javier Peña x you #Javier Peña fic #Javier Peña fanfiction #Javier Peña fanfic #Javier Peña angst #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javier pena fic #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena fanfic #javier pena angst #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #unholy series

[clonemedickix]

Rating: M

Word count: 800

Pairing: TBB Echo x OC General Lara Lin

Warnings: angst, grief, coping with loss

***Entire body of work has NSFW entries in many chapters. See my pinned master list for labeling, or heed the warnings on AO3***

Excerpt Summary - Blurb out of context, don’t ask too many questions if you don’t want to know the answers… Lara and Echo have a chat trying to sort out personal grief.

Echo found Lara on Fives’ hill, sitting leaned back against the great live oak tree in the shade. It wasn’t overly warm; by regional standards it was a pleasant day, though Echo found it somewhat muggy. The grass was a brilliant emerald green, and below in the pasture grazed her prized horses, led by her old war mount, Barbaro. It was a peaceful scene, though he wondered why she still came here even after Fives had fallen silent in her life, barred from contacting her from Valinor anymore.

He was curious what she would do when she returned to Nidhogg, now that her mission of vengeance was over. Would she simply fade into the background, to raise her children? He couldn’t imagine that she would be happy, so domesticated. The children would need training and education on using their gifts, so it wouldn’t be completely sedate, but he still got the impression that she would feel out of place, useless and extraneous.

“Now that Primer is gone, who is going to lead Nidhogg?,” he asked her lightly.

Lara looked over at him, a little startled at the question. It had seemingly come out of left field. She shrugged a shoulder and drawled, “I dunno. There’s multiple people there that can take up that mantle. Boost is over the Dragons, but there’s Howzer, Volte, Wolffe, not to mention Cody. Maybe they should have an election.”

“Why not you?,” Echo asked pointedly.

“Because that’s not my role, and never has been,” she immediately returned.

“You were a queen!,” Echo protested. “And a general, if that doesn’t matter.”

“I was a really pretty broodmare wearing a crown, Echo.” Lara looked at him wryly. “I’m not sure that automatically qualifies me for leadership of a people.” She paused while Echo laughed at the analogy.

“A beautiful broodmare in a crown,” Echo corrected her.

“Sure. Regardless, General, former queen… it doesn’t matter. I was created to fight, to be a warrior, not a ruler. I have no desire to delve into politics further than making snide comments about it.” Lara shook her head as she said it, and hoped the matter would drop.

“I think you should give it some consideration; the community as a whole more or less assume you will take over the leadership,” Echo said carefully.

“No. I won’t be there forever, Echo. I’m not someone that can be counted on to remain, nor even always act appropriately. For kriff’s sake - I just finished leveling a planet out of petty revenge. That’s not who you want for a leader. If you want my opinion, you should make Cody the leader, while Boost commands the Dragons.” Lara looked hard at her friend. “I’m not available for that sort of thing, nor will I be.”

“Okay, I get it. I’ll… spread the word around, though I know there will be a lot of disappointed people.”

“Maybe they should be grateful and relieved. A pretty face does not a ruler make, though ironically in your case, you all have very handsome faces…,” Lara said, her words trailing off in thought. “On second thought, a pretty face sometimes does a ruler make, but only under certain circumstances.”

Echo laughed. “It’s good to see you able to joke a bit, after so long.”

Lara didn’t have a reply for that, but gave Echo a small smile. “It still hurts. I feel so raw inside, knowing when I get back to Nidhogg, he won’t be there. That I have to wait the whole rest of my lifetime to see him again.” She looked off, over the tree-filled horizon, closing her eyes as a breeze whispered past. “I wasted so much time, trying to be some person that I’m not,” she said bitterly.

“It wasn’t a waste. He was honored to follow you, to serve you, regardless of whether he ever was allowed to touch you as a lover. He would have accepted a life without ever knowing what it was like to make love to you, so long as you kept him as your commander and trusted friend.” Echo reached over a touched her hand, which was fiddling with grass hectically, as Lara struggled to manage her emotions. “Hey. Look at me,” he commanded gently. When she met his eyes, he said, “I’m positive, having known him as long as you, that he counted his life completely fulfilled, for being given the time with you that he was, and being allowed to lay down his life for you in the end. Primer could not have asked for more.” Echo squeezed her hand lightly, his eyes communicating he felt the same, as Lara gazed back at him, his words visibly stinging her already wounded heart. Echo knew there was little he could really say that would make the pain go away for her, but she needed to hear these things. In the meantime, he pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly against his shoulder.

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[dbnightingale24]

Menace In Sheets, Menace In the Streets

Andy Barber One Shot

~~

I’m just gonna start this off by saying I’m an asshole. Honestly, relationship wise, I’m happy as hell. So, I don’t know why the fuck I made this. Lol, I’m clearly still working through some trauma. That being said, here ya go! Another fucking novel of angst. Yes, there will be a part 2, but there was no way I was gonna post a 40,000+ story on Tumblr. Sorry, but no no, I’ve gotta stop making these so damn long lol. I was gonna add pictures and a mood board, but it’s so fucking long. Maybe in part 2, if I can control myself. Also, I promise to update and finish my stories soon. I don’t know what my damage is lol. I hope you all enjoy!

Also, fucking SUPPORT SEX WORKERS!!!

Word Count: 38,125 (I’M SORRY)

Warnings: 18+(MINORS DNI),Smut, Sex Worker Reader, Dark(ish) Andy, Sugar Daddy, Daddy Kink, Swearing, Drinking, Unidentified Illness, Loss, Mourning, Coping, Arguing, Open Marriage, Lying (but only a little), Depression, Anxiety, Longing, Regret, Envy, Jealousy, Insecurities, Anger...I think that's it? I’ve been working on this story for almost a month. Be nice to me.

Song(s) That Inspired This Story: I Really Hope You All Like the Playlists I Put Together

Summary: Under the world’s worst circumstances, you find yourself having the one job you swore you’d never have. When you catch the eye of the last person you ever thought would be interested in you, do you take the offer or run for the hills?

I do not give consent for my posts/stories/works to get posted elsewhere. 

~~

You never wanted to work at a Gentleman’s Club. You saw all the hell your best friend went through and told yourself you’d never do it. You told yourself that there was nothing in life that would make you resort to something you despised so much. It’s not that you looked down on the women that worked there. You despised the men.

They all reminded you of your father.

They were older or, at least, old enough; they were usually cheating on their significant others, they were handsy, disrespectful, and they were assholes. Your best friend, Mary, had told you a handful of times how horrible the men at those clubs were. Especially when you slept with them. They treated you like trash and half the time, when all was said and done, they’d just throw the money at you. Which made sense to you; men only respect sex workers until they’ve gotten what they need.

So, you promised yourself that you’d never even consider doing something like that, because you refused to ever let men think they had something over you. You refused to be the crack in someone’s happy marriage. Someone’s happy life.

It’s funny how life has a way of making you eat your own words.

“Your favorite table is asking for you,” Lindsey smiles at you sympathetically.

“Is it Tuesday already?” you groan, looking over at the table full of lawyers eyeing you like starving jackals.

“Hey, they know the rules. They can’t touch you. If they do, they know Samantha won’t allow them back, and they’d rather die than have that.”

“You say that but-”

“But nothing. I know how worthless they can make you feel, even without you taking your clothes off, but do your best to remember that they can’t and won’t do anything to you.”

“I just don’t know why they won’t leave me alone,” you scowl.

“The same reason no other man in this place will leave you alone; they know you’re a virgin.”

“Yeah, why Samantha needed to let them know-”

“Because she’s a cunt who cares about money,” Lindsey snaps as she cleans out a glass before filling it halfway with Jameson.

“Linds,” Allison calls as she makes her way downstairs “Tim is asking for you.”

“For fucks sake, is he alone?” she sighs as she lets her hair down.

“For now,” Allison responds sympathetically.

“Love that for me,” she mutters as puts the last drink on your tray. “Remember, they don’t have any power over you unless you give it to them,” she smiles weakly towards you before walking away and making her way upstairs.

“She’s not wrong,” Lindsey echos softly.

“She isn’t, but still,” you sigh before grabbing the tray and slowly making your way over to the table you dread most.

“Our favorite little cherry,” one of the lawyers smirks and it makes your skin crawl. “How come you’re never as excited to see us as we are to see you?” he questions, feigning hurt.

“Well, you’re always catching me towards the end of my shift-”

“We could make the end of your shift better for you if you’d just let us take you upstairs,” one of the other lawyers smirks suggestively.

“Then what reason would you have to come and see me?” you smile sarcastically.

“Oh, if anything, it’ll give us more reasons to come and see you,”another one chuckles.

“Sorry boys, tonight isn’t your lucky night. Whose card is all of this going on and do you wanna leave it open?” you smile the best you can, feeling extremely uncomfortable as all of them ogle you.

“Mr. Barber here is the big spender of the night,” the first man laughs.

Andy Barber.

The gorgeous, pompous, smug bastard. He came at least three times a week, and you were always his main focus. He liked to look you up and down as you served drinks, served other tables, and cleaned them off. He always had a dirty little smirk tugging at his lips, and tonight is no different.

“Here ya go, Darlin’,” he smiles at you, making you lean across the table so he can get a better view of your cleavage as you grab his card. “Keep it open,” he chuckles.

“Will do,” you mutter, practically snatching it from him.

You hate him. You hate all of them.

However, the tips are generous and money is something you’re in desperate need of at the moment.

What can you do?

As the night wears on, the drunker they get. Some of them disappear upstairs with the other girls, while others stay and let you know just how much they want to take you upstairs. None of them are shy about showing you the tents you give them.

Except Andy.

He’s quiet as he watches you, amusement in his eyes as you do your best to hide just how disgusted you truly are and how much you hate being there.

“It’s last call,” you tell them, finally showing some sign of happiness as the night comes to an end. “Would you like another round or do you wanna close out?”

“I think it’s best we close out. What do ya say, Tyler?” Andy questions the almost passed out man.

“Oh, you’re no fun, Barber,” the man drunkenly mumbles, barely able to stay upright.

“Let me grab the check for you,” you mutter, rolling your eyes.

When Allison hands you the bill, you scoff in disgust.

$512.74.

The fact that these men spend all this money, weekly, only ever adds to your disgust. Plus, what do their wives say? Do they even notice? There’s no way they can’t notice. All of these questions and more run through your head as you make your way over to the table, Andy already ready for you with his pen in hand.

“When are you gonna let me fuck that perfect little cunt?” Tyler drunkenly asks you as Andy snickers, signing off on the bill. “Someone as gorgeous as you? No way you’re really a virgin.”

“It’s time for you all to leave,” you huff, telling yourself that you only have to keep your cool for another 15 minutes.

“Leave our little Cherry alone,” Andy quips, putting on his suit jacket.

“Whatever, as much of a prude as she is, there’s no way she isn’t a virgin. That or shes never been fucked by a real man,” Tyler smiles menacingly.

“You guys get home safe,” you mutter as Andy helps Tyler up.

“You too, Darlin’,” Andy winks at you before he and Tyler make their way to the door, meeting up with the rest of their asshole lawyer buddies.

You roll your eyes as you grab the receipt and check to see if he left you a tip.

$450.00

You shake your head and roll your eyes, but none the less can’t fight the extremely small amount of gratitude you feel towards him. As much of a dickhead as he is, Andy always tips well.

And every little bit helps.

By the time the club is cleaned up and set up for tomorrow, it’s almost 3am and you’re more than ready to go home.

“Y/N, I need to speak with you, it’s important,” your boss calls as you put your jacket on.

“Samantha, it’s really late. You know I have to get home,” you sigh, fishing out your car keys. “Can it wait until tomorrow?”

“Come in early tomorrow,” she states firmly, but you can tell she feels bad about something.

Now what?

“Will do,” you agree with a nod before dashing out.

You practically speed home, hoping that you get there in time. When you pull up, you sigh in relief at the site of the home nurse just leaving.

“I’m so so sorry,” you offer sympathetically, running to meet her at the steps.

“Please don’t be, I’m sorry. I’d stay longer but-”

“No, oh God no! Please don’t worry! Tonight was inventory and deep clean and I couldn’t get out of it,” you grumble, letting your hair down and running a flustered hand through it. “How was she tonight?”

“As good as she’s gonna be,” the nurse offers sympathetically. “Y/N, you have to start preparing-”

“No, things could turn around,” you quickly interrupt, fighting back tears.

“You know what the doctors said.”

“Still...miracles happen all the time,” you smile weakly.

The nurse just nods and gives you a sympathetic smile. “She’s asleep. She was able to keep her food down today and she was pretty lucid. It was a good day.”

“Good...that’s good,” you sniffle before clearing your throat. “You should get home. Once again, I’m so sorry it’s so late, I’ll do better tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it. Get some rest,” she offers kindly before walking down the steps and making her way to her car.

You’re quick to get inside and change into your nightclothes, before brushing your teeth then making your way back downstairs and into the little makeshift hospice room.

“Is that you, Sweet Pea?” your mother calls softly.

“Hey mommy, it’s me. You should be asleep.”

“I can never sleep comfortably until you’re home,” she smiles softly, looking up at you. “How was your shift at the grocery store?”

“Good. Slow. Why we have a 24 hour grocery store, I don’t know. I’m grateful for it though. The pay is good.”

“They’re lucky to have you,” she smiles before she starts coughing, a few droplets of blood coming out.

“Mommy, you need your rest so you can build up your strength,” you quip, quickly pouring her some water and handing it to her.

“Sweet Pea,” she starts after catching her breath “you know I’m not-”

“It’s late,” you quickly cut her off. “It’s late and we both need rest. I love you,” you smile weakly before kissing her forehead then settling in the chair by her bed.

“I love you,” she responds weakly, and you know she’s worried about you.

As you start drifting off to sleep, you try to think of anything to keep her around just a little bit longer. If you’re doing the devil’s work just to keep up with her medical bills, there’s gotta be something out there in this big wide universe that’s gonna help you out...right?

Andy’s P.O.V

“You were out late last night,” Laurie mutters as I make my way into our bedroom, picking out a tie for the day.

“You have your life and I have mine. Isn’t that what we agreed to? What you wanted?” I scoff, annoyed with having to deal with the third degree again.

“I know what I said, Andy,” she snaps “I just didn’t think you’d spend half the week staying out late as all hell.”

“Yeah well, you have your fun and I have my fun. I don’t say anything to you when you spend all night out, and I have to hear about it, do I? You cheated, you said you wanted an open marriage, and you said you wanted a divorce when he graduates. From what I can tell, you’re getting everything you want,” I smile mischievously at her.

God, I love seeing just how much she hates living with the choices shes made.

“I didn’t think I’d barely see you. The only time I see you is dinner and when we’re taking Jacob out.”

“That’s what you wanted!” I snap, finally hitting my boiling point with her.

“I know, Andy! I just-”

“Then shut up and drop it!”

It’s not like I mean to lose my temper with her, but I’m also done keeping my cool. During Jacob’s trial, she gave up on us, not me. She got caught cheating, not me. She stopped believing in Jacob, not me. She demanded an open marriage and now bitches about it every week. Why the hell should I have to play nice? Why the hell should I care that she’s upset?

She didn’t give a fuck when I was.

“You two fighting again?” Jacob asks lazily as I make my way into the kitchen.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about, bud. Did you study for that exam?”

“Yeah, but mom didn’t wanna review any of it with me.”

“She didn’t want to or you didn’t want to ask her?”

“She didn’t want to. I asked her while she was watching some Hallmark movie and she said it wasn’t a good time. I asked her again an hour later, after her third glass of wine, and she told me to ask you when you got home.”

“She knows I work late,” I mutter, irritation over childish behavior showing itself. “Well, just go over the notes at school, I’m sure you’re gonna do great. You coming home for dinner?”

“No, because you won’t be home and having dinner alone with her sucks. Sarah’s parents have been inviting me over a lot anyway, so I figured I’ll just hangout there we’ll go to a party at Sam’s.”

“Whoa, when did you tell me about a party?”

“I didn’t think you’d mind since you’re always working and mom likes to pretend we don’t exist.”

“Be that as it may,” I bite, swallowing the pain I feel at how out of control all of this is getting, “you don’t make choices like that without asking us first. Who’s gonna be at this party?”

“Dad, I’m not 10 years old. I know how to-”

“That’s not the point here, bud. I know you’re almost out of the house and off to college, but for the time being, you’re still a child and living in this house. Now, who’s gonna be at this party?”

“I don’t know, half the class,” he sighs, frustrated with me. Probably frustrated with everything.

It’s not like I can blame him.

“Any drinking? Drugs?”

“Probably,” he shrugs.

“Jacob-”

“I know better, dad. Plus, I’m not gonna do anything that would put Sarah at risk. Not after everything we’ve been through,” he sighs heavily.

“I want you home no later than 12,” I contend, the guilt becoming too much.

“It’s a Friday!”

“12:30 Jacob. I mean it. I don’t want you sleeping all day tomorrow. We’re going fishing in the morning and I’m not about to spend 20 minutes dragging your ass outta bed.”

“Fine, fine,” he scoffs sheepishly. “I gotta go.”

“Have a good day, buddy,” I smile, wrapping him in a hug. God, I’m gonna miss this little shit when he goes off to school. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Dad,” he smiles, giving me a halfhearted hug, before letting go and making his way out. “I love you, mom,” he says as he meets her at the landing.

“I love you too, Sweetie. Have a great day at school,” she smiles, wrapping him in a tight hug.

I genuinely wonder how much she means that.

With one final nod and wave, he’s off and out the door.

“You told him he could go to that party?” Laurie scowls.

“He’s responsible and he works hard. He deserves a night out.”

“You would know.”

“Why didn’t you help him study with his exam?”

“If you would’ve been home early enough, you would’ve been able to. Maybe if you stopped spending so much time with all of your little whores-”

“What I do in my spare time is none of your fucking concern. When our son is home and asking for help, your first thought shouldn’t be to fuck me over,” I bite before grabbing my briefcase.

“You used to not be such a dick.”

“Yeah well, you used to love me. Shit changes,” I shrug as I make my way out.

“Are you gonna be home for dinner tonight?”

“No,” I call over my shoulder, continuing my way out. “Maybe you should call up one of your boyfriends and fuck him in our bed again. I won’t catch you this time.”

**

“You don’t need to spend so many hours working,” your mother sighs as you bring her lunch. “I have some money-”

“Mom please,” you sigh with a soft smile. “You’ve worked hard your whole life to take care of me and Viv, let me work hard and take care of you.”

“How is your sister?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” you huff.

“Sweet Pea, I’d really like for you two to work things out before I-”

“She deserted us, Ma. Just like dad did. She blames you and...no. If she wants to make things right with me, she can start by making them right with you.”

“She can help with-”

“We don’t need her help. We’ve been on time with all of the bills and we’re getting by.”

“Y/N, your father called last night while you work at work,” she tells you softly and that has you freezing in place on the chair by her bed. “He said he’s been trying to speak to you for the last few months and you haven’t been responding.”

“I have nothing to say to him.”

“Sweet Pea, I’m not gonna be around much-”

“Mom-”

“No, you’re gonna listen to me!” she snaps. “I know that you’re not ready to accept it and I’m not ready to leave you, but the fact of the matter is that I’m dying. In a few months, it’s just gonna be you and I don’t want you to be alone. I know you have Mary, and she’s practically your sister, but she isn’t blood. If they’re trying to make things right with you...” she starts to cry.

“Hey,” you call softly, fighting back your own tears as you gently get in next to her “I’m gonna be alright. You raised me...I’ll be alright.”

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs into your shoulder.

“None of this is your fault. Not him cheating, not him leaving, not Vivian taking his side, and not you getting sick. You have nothing to be sorry for. You did the best you could and this...this is where we’re at,” you sob, quickly wiping away your own tears. “Besides, maybe-”

“They’re no miracles coming our way, baby. I just want to enjoy these last few months with you the best I can, and I want you to forgive the people who love you before I’m gone.”

“Lets talk about something else for a while, okay?” you smile weakly, you both laying back. “Literally anything else.”

“Have you met anyone special yet?” she chuckles, wiping away her tears and you can’t help but throw your back out and let out a full bodied laugh.

“No, no, no I have not.”

“You are the pickiest person I’ve ever known.”

“I’m not picky,” you quickly defend with a smile “I just refuse to settle. Every guy that approaches me is a tool. Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean they deserve my attention.”

“Oh, I’ve set a horrible example for you,” she chuckles softly, shaking her head.

“You’ve done nothing of the sort,” you smile before kissing the top of her head. “Nothing of the sort.”

You two spend the rest of your time together watching soap operas and taking Buzzfeed quizzes, before you force yourself to get ready for work.

“What do you wanna do this weekend?” you ask your mother as the nurse sets herself up.

“Go for a hike,” she smirks at you.

“A true smart ass.”

“Maybe we can have your sister over for lunch.”

“I’ll take hell no for $300.”

“Y/N.”

“Maybe,” you sigh as you make your way over to her and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you and I’ll try not to wake you when I get in.”

“Tell those grocery store not to keep you so late tonight.”

“I promise I won’t let them,” you smile.

You thank her nurse, Gloria , for agreeing to come early before rushing out and quickly making your way to work. The tone and look on Samantha’s face last night had you riddled with anxiety, because whatever she was going to tell you wasn’t going to be good. When you reach the club, you don’t even bother to change, you just go straight to her office. The looks you’re getting from the girls around you only make your anxiety worse.

What the fuck is about to happen.

“You didn’t even bother to change?” Samantha scoffs as you make your way into her office.

“My mother thinks I work at a grocery store and I have severe anxiety. I can change after we talk,” you state flatly as you take a seat in front of her desk.

She takes a deep breath and you feel as if you’re going to throw up. “Now, Y/N, I don’t want you to freak out-”

“Sam, please just tell me.”

“You’re gonna be Andy’s girl...Andy’s girl alone.”

“Andy who? Andy Barber?! No...no. NO!”

“Just calm down,” she tries to reason. “He’s not gonna do anything to you-”

“Bullshit! He has a reputation around here for a reason! I’m not about to be one of his playthings! I refuse!”

“If you don’t do it, I have to fire you.”

“Sam, I’m a damn good worker and I bring in a lot of money!”

“My hands are tied on this,” she sighs sympathetically.

“It’s your club!”

“It’s complicated,” is all she responds with.

You’re quiet, accepting your fate with as much dignity as you can. “He’s gonna be here tonight?”

“Yes and you’re to go straight to his room, 793.”

“Where he can do-”

“Y/N, I promise you. He’s not going to do anything to you that you don’t allow. I didn’t tell him your situation, but I did tell him that you’ve got your own reasons to work here. You reason for not going off with guys is your own and he’s going to respect that.”

“Sure he is,” you scoff. “Well, I guess I better start getting ready.”

“Y/N, I’m truly sorry about this,” she tells you sincerely.

“Yeah, me too.”

As you change in the bathroom, you barely get into your skirt before you burst out into tears. Why had you talked yourself into taking this job? Why didn’t you just keep working 3 jobs? Wasn’t that better than this? Wasn’t it better to suffer the exhaustion than to suffer with the weight of this?

‘You have more time with your mother this way, and more money to help with things she needs,’ you kept telling yourself over and over again.

“Sweetie, it’s not gonna be that bad,” Lindsey tries to calm you through the door.

“Mary warned me about Andy!”

“If there’s anyone who should warn you, it should be Mary,” she sighs “but he’s not gonna force himself on you. If you tell him to stop, he will!”

“I want nothing to do with him!”

“Just don’t fall for his bullshit, that’s all. He likes to build girls up and takes joy out of breaking hearts. You’re smarter than that. Smarter than him.”

“I fucking hate this.”

“I know you do, babe. I know,” she sighs opening the door and wrapping you in a hug “but it’s gonna be okay. Just keep your head on straight and you’ll be okay.”

You can’t stop your shaking, so Lindsey finishes does your makeup for you. You put your hair up in a high bun and take a deep breath.

“Hun, if Samantha says she told him not to do anything to you, then she did. She may be a roaring bitch, but she is very strict about keeping us safe.”

“I just need to keep reminding myself how much I need this job.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Dying,” you scoff humorlessly. “This day fucking sucks, I swear to God.”

“Well, isn’t Mary coming home for the weekend? We can go out! You, me, Allison, and Mary!”

“Don’t you and Allison have work tomorrow? I don’t wanna get either of you in trouble. Plus, I can’t afford for my mother-”

“One night won’t kill Samantha. She can give our shifts to Madison and Jillian, since they’re bitching so much about lack of shifts.”

“If Jillian and Madison find out they’re covering shifts so you two can hangout with me, they’re gonna hate me even more.”

“Who gives a fuck? Both of them are the worst kind of scum. Allison and I will take off and we’ll all go out on Saturday.”

“There’s still my mother-”

“We’ll scrape up some coins and pay for it.”

“Lindsey no. I can’t ask-”

“You’re not asking me anything. I’m offering and I know Allison will be more than happy to help. Besides, its been forever since we all got to hangout with each other.”

“Linds...are you sure?”

“Yes, now lets go out there and get this night over with as quickly as we can,” she encourages, pulling you out of the bathroom.

“I don’t want to!” you groan, slowly following her lead.

“I’ll tell you one thing, he’s gonna have a hard time not wanting to touch you,” she smirks.

“LINDS!”

“I’m sorry,” she laughs “I couldn’t resist!”

“I’m finding you both in a better mood than I thought you’d in,” Allison smiles as she meets you two at the bar.

“You missed all the tears and stress,” Lindsey smiled sarcastically.

“I mean, not be a bitch, but I’m happy I did. I probably would have screamed at Samantha,” Allison scowls.

“None of that because we’re asking Samantha for tomorrow off so we can hangout with babycakes and Mary tomorrow.”

“Yes! I’ll be on my best behavior tonight!”

“We’re also gonna put together some money for someone to watch her mom while we’re out tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me,” Allison beams.

“You two are too good to me,” you smile before wrapping them both in a tight hug.

Lindsey and Allison do their best to keep your mind occupied until Samantha announces that the club is open for the night.

“Just take a deep breath, you’ve got this,” Allison reassures the best she can before making her way over to the bar.

“Remember what I told you,” Lindsey smiles, following suit as she lets her hair down. “Keep your head on straight, no matter what, and you’ll be fine,” she promises before walking off.

You aren’t sure whether you’re supposed to be serving tables or not, but you figure it best to look busy instead of waiting for Andy to saunter in. Besides, keeping busy, helps your mind stay busy. However, you don’t even have a chance to start taking orders before Marisol lets you know that Andy’s in his room and waiting for you.

You make your way over to the bar, asking for a tray with a glass and a bottle of Old Rip Van Winkle. Allison gives you a weak but reassuring smile and all you can offer is a small nod before grabbing the tray and making your way upstairs.

‘Your mother is worth all of this. This job helps you take care of her the best you can,’ you repeat to yourself as you get on the elevator and make your way up to the floor he’s on. When you finally reach the floor you slowly make your way down the hall to room 793.

‘Of course he gets the suite,’ you think to yourself as you knock on the door. ‘You’ve gone through worse, you can do this,’ you tell yourself.

“Didn’t think you’d get here so quick,” Andy smirks as he opens the door and steps aside for you to make your way in.

“Wasn’t much of a trip,” you mumble as you make your way inside and look around.

You’ve never been in any of the rooms and aren’t sure what to expect, but you don’t find yourself being all that surprised by the crimson color walls and sexual paintings hanging up. The black satin pillows on the crimson red sofa do nothing to heighten your experience.

In a sense: everything is just how you expect it to be.

“There’s only one glass here, why?” Andy questions, opening the bottle of bourbon and pouring a glass.

“I can’t drink.”

“Are you underage?”

“No, I’m working.”

“Hmm, you are, aren’t you?” he chuckles softly before going into the tiny kitchen area and grabbing himself a glass. “You work for me now, don’t you?”

“Haven’t I always?”

“Now, you only work for me...we’ll just keep it under the guise of you still working for this little club,” he smirks as he pours you a drink. “However, Samantha told me I’m not to do anything to you that you don’t want or ask for. I’ll respect that,” he agrees as he hands you the glass.

“Gee, thanks,” you mutter, taking the glass from him and looking at it.

Did you really want to have a drink with Andy Barber?

“You are going to have to adapt to your schedule-”

“No,” you stated firmly, meeting his heated gaze.

“No?”

“No, you’re going to have to adjust yours. If you want me to be your girl, and yours alone, then you’re going to have to meet my needs,” you finish, taking a sip of your drink, hoping to keep your resolve as you feel it start to chip away.

You really can’t afford to lose this job.

Andy chuckles before looking you over. “You really are a pistol aren’t you?”

“You’ve forced me into a corner and I don’t like it.”

“What corner? I always tip you well, I keep my hands to myself, and I keep my comments to myself.”

“The corner of making me choose this or my job.”

“Oh Sweetheart, that’s Samantha’s doing. Sure, I keep her out of trouble, but if she’d run a cleaner operation, she wouldn’t have to worry about me covering up anything, now would she?”

“Whatever business you two have doesn’t concern me. I can only look out for myself and that’s what I intend to do.”

“And if I don’t agree?”

“Then I guess I’m out of a job,” you shrug, secretly hoping he won’t accept your terms and conditions.

Andy looks you over before he speaks. “Take your shirt and bra off.”

“Excuse me?”

“What part has you confused?”

“I thought you said-”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to touch or look at you. Now, I told you to take your shirt and bra off,” he smirks at you. “I need to make sure I’m getting my money’s worth. While you’re at it, let your hair down. I wanna see as much of you as I can.”

You take a deep breath, reminding yourself how much need this job, before slowly removing the extremely tight uniform top followed by your bra. When you take him take a deep breath, your toes curl as you let your hair down.

Just because you’re repulsed by the man, doesn’t mean you’re not happy at the fact he finds you attractive. You have standards but that doesn’t make you an idiot.

“Fuck, I’m tempted to tell you take that skirt off, but I don’t think I’ll be able to follow the rules if I do,” he groans as adjusts himself on the sofa. “Spin for me.”

You quietly do as your told, closing your eyes and praying that by some miracle, the clock has sprung forward by 6 hours and you can go home.

“Jesus, why can’t you adjust your schedule? What’s so important that-”

“It doesn’t matter why I can’t. I just can’t. Yes, it is that important and no, I won’t budge. I’m not an idiot, Mr. Barber. I know just how much money I stand to lose if I don’t make you happy, but they’re certain things I just won’t negotiate on.”

“It’s always about money with you girls,” he chuckles, taking a sip of your drink.

“& it’s always about sex with you boys,” you bite back, losing your temper.

It’s not like you mean to lose your patience, but it’s not as if he knows anything about you. What right does he have to question you and your reasons for doing what you do?

“You want your weekends off and Mondays, right? So, I can’t fuck you, can’t see you on weekends, and I don’t get to ask about your personal life. Any other rules you need me to follow for this to be mutually enjoyable?” he questions with a cocked eyebrow, his eyes still glued to you.

“You don’t get to make any bold statements or assumptions about me. You don’t know me and you don’t know why I do this. Despite all of the feelings you may have towards the other women who work here, who are all more than worthy of respect by the way, you don’t know the first thing about me.”

“You work at a Gentleman’s Club and think I don’t know all there is to know about you?”

“You pay women for sex and frequent said Gentleman’s Club, so you really think you’re in a position to throw stones?” you question, crossing your arms.

Andy’s thoughtful before he speaks. “That’s fair and a good point. Fine, no witty remarks or judgment on my end. Anything else?”

You’re thoughtful as you try to make sure you’ve covered all your bases. “I don’t think-”

“Need you to know for sure, Sweetheart.”

“No,” you quickly snap, not liking how dumb and inexperienced he makes you feel.

You should’ve taken more time to think on it.

“Good. Now, these are my rules and you will follow them,” he warns as he sets his drink down. “You’re not to serve any other guy, besides me. I don’t even want you helping the other girls out with orders. When you get here, I want you topless and waiting for me. I want a glass of bourbon ready for the both of us when I get here, because I want you drinking. I don’t want you drunk, I just want you loose. We’re not gonna get anywhere if you’re always so fucking uptight. Also, what we do stays between us. I have a kid at home and I don’t need him going through anymore hell than he already has.

When we’re together, your focus is on me and no one and nothing else. If you start seeing someone outside of work, you’re telling me. I don’t like sharing my things and that doesn’t change because of what we do here. How much do you make in tips a week?”

“$8,000,” you blurt out without even think about it.

“Of course you do,” he chuckles. “Pretty little thing like you...$10,000 a week it is. Bonus if you’re good for me.”

“10...Andy-”

“Trust me, I can afford it,” he chuckles at your confused state.

“Andy, I collectively make $8,000. It’s not just...you don’t have to...”

“If I want you to make it worth my while, I need to have something to offer, don’t I? Especially since we’re not fucking...yet,” he smirks. “So, whatever you’re being paid by Samantha and me giving you $10,000 a week...that’s a decent setup, isn’t it?”

“Y...yes,” you stutter, still trying to come to terms with your new reality.

“I expect you to be on time daily. If you’re going to be late, you let me know; not Samantha. If you’re going to be late, you tell me. However, unless you’re dying, I don’t expect you to miss a day.”

“What if I’m sick?”

“Let me know in advance and we’ll work around it.”

“Andy...what do you...why do you want me?”

“Because you hate me,” he shrugs as if it’s the most simple thing in the world. “The fact that you despise me makes me want you. It’s fun and it keeps everything exciting. You’ve only been here a few months and you’ve made it a point to avoid me as much as possible, so why wouldn’t I want you? Why wouldn’t I want to make the playing field as uneven as possible? That makes it all that much more fun for me.”

“Yeah but...”

“But what?”

“It’s not like I’m the only one here who despises you. Most of the women here despise all the men who come here.”

“You’re gorgeous and, if I’m honest, the fact that you’re a virgin turns me on. How old are you?”

“25.”

“You’re 25 and still a virgin? Bullshit,” he laughs before pouring himself another drink.

“I’ve done some things,” you mutter, feeling small “I just haven’t done it.”

“What have you done?”

“A few hand jobs, making out, I’ve been fingered, and I’ve let a few guys down on me,” you sigh before downing the rest of your drink.

All of a sudden, you feel very stupid and very out of place.

“So basically, you’re a virgin,” he chuckles as he beckons you over.

“Isn’t that the draw of me?” you ask, holding out your glass as he fills it.

“One of the many,” he smirks as he looks you over. “You’re allowed to ask me three questions about my personal life, then we agree on this.”

“Three?”

“After we shake on this, it’s an agreement. After we shake, you have your boundaries and I have mine.”

“What does your wife think? Does she even know?” you ask without thinking, taking a sip of your drink.

“I’ll count that as one question,” he smirks. “She knows. We have an open marriage, so she does what she wants and I do what I want. Weekdays are her days to play and weekends are my time...well, up until now, which I’m sure she’ll be happy about.”

“You don’t ever-”

“Careful, you only have two questions left,” he warns as he takes a sip of his drink.

You’re thoughtful, keeping in mind that your window into his soul is limited. “What do you get out of this? You know what the women in this place think, thanks to me, so why? Why go through the cycle if you already know the ending?”

“Lets just say...it counts as my therapy,” he laughs humorlessly. “I’m working through some shit and all of this...it helps. Maybe one day I’ll be right in the head again, but until then, this is all I have. Last question?”

“Why did you break Mary’s heart?”

That caught him off guard. “You know Mary?”

“I’ve known her since I was 5. She told me about this place.”

“Doesn’t seem like a very good friend if you ask me.”

“Well I didn’t,” you defend, not liking his tone “I asked you why you broke her heart.”

“Ask another question.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” you respond, raising your eyebrow this time before taking a sip of your drink.

“What did she tell you?”

“That she told you she loved you and you abused that love.”

“Only as much as she abused mine,” he shrugs, a cynical look coming to his eyes. “I’m fine with the world hating me. I’m a lawyer, most people hate me. However, I don’t start doing any of this shit without letting you girls know how it’s gonna be. I told her that I’m in an open marriage, I told her that I’m not looking to fall in love, and I told her that I just want to have fun. She said she was fine with that and understood it,” he sighs before taking a large sip of his bourbon. “ She said she was fine with it and wasn’t looking for anything besides a hefty tip to get her through school. We had an understanding.”

“Then?”

“She caught feelings. We caught feelings. No, I never loved her, but I did like her. I liked her a lot, but I never made her my regular. She didn’t like that. I fucked up by buying her jewelry and shit, and letting her entertain the idea of her and I being something more one day, even though that was never my intention. Mary is too...she’s not for me. So, when she asked me when I’d stop sleeping with the other girls, I told her I didn’t know. She asked me if I thought she was enough and I told her no. So, she in turn, started to hate me and I don’t blame her. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it but, in my defense, I never promised her anything. She knew what this was from the beginning.”

“Then why-”

“Three questions, Sweetheart. That was the deal,” he quickly interrupts, letting you know that he’s more than done with the conversation as he stands up. “Do we have an understanding or not?”

You look at his hand and contemplate all of the possible futures you could have. However, none of them seem as bad as not being able to have more time with your mother. “We have a deal,” you agree solemnly as you shake his hand.

“Oh, Sweetheart, I promise I’ll make this as fun as you let me,” he laughs as he breaks out your grip and starts to undo his pants.

“You said-”

“I said I wouldn’t do anything to you, I never said I wouldn’t tell you to do anything to me,” he advises as he takes himself out his pants.

“I’ve never...I don’t know how...” you start as you look at his size.

What the hell did you just get yourself into?

“I’ve got all night to teach you,” he coaxes; his smile sinister.

You finish off your drink before slowly sinking to your knees. ‘Might as well get this over with,’ you think to yourself as you open your mouth wide for him.

“Fuck, if only you could see you fucking good you look for me right now,” he chuckles before pulling his phone out and taking a few pictures. “You look like a fucking angel.”

You ignore the excitement his praise makes you feel as you start to stroke him. You lick his tip softly a few times, gaining a few low groans from Andy, before taking him into your mouth just a little.

“That’s right, Sweetheart, take your time,” he husks guiding you slowly.

Little by little you take him into your mouth until you can’t anymore.

“That’s a good girl,” he groans before throwing his phone down and starting to guide you on his cock. “you take me so well, baby.”

You can’t help but close your eyes as your own pleasure starts to build. You’re not sure if it’s because you’re pleasing him or if it’s because he’s controlling you, but the more you try and fight it, the more excited you become.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he taunts as he grips your face with his free hand “eyes on Daddy.”

The muffled moan that escapes you makes him chuckle.

“So that’s what my good girl likes? You like being good for me?” he smirks down at you.

All you can do is look up at him nod, your cheeks feeling hot from embarrassment.

“Then be a good girl for me and make me cum,” he demands, his grip on your hair getting tighter as you pick up your pace. “God, you’re such a good little cock slut, baby,” he moans.

You clench your thighs together as much as possible, trying to fight off your own release, and you can see the idea forming in his eyes before he even says anything.

“Get up, baby,” he breathes, letting go of your hair. You eye him warily as you release him and slowly stand up. “Get on the bed.”

“Andy-”

“What did you call me?”

“Daddy,” you quickly correct, slightly tempted to test those waters. “W...why do you...?”

“Don’t worry, Sweetheart. Daddy’s not gonna touch you,” he coos gently as he makes his way over to you. “You’re gonna touch yourself,” he whispers hotly against your ear.

The mortification you feel at your arousal is apparent as your body shudders at just the thought of what he wants.

“Don’t get shy on me now, Darlin’,” he chuckles. “You need the release, I can see it and I wanna watch you fall apart, unless you want me to do it for you,” he taunts as his fingers trace the outline of your body.

“Fuck,” you moan before slowly making your way over to the bed.

You take a deep breath as you make your way over to the bed, climbing onto it before crawling to the center and laying on your back.

‘Of course this creative fucker thinks of a way to get me on this bed,’ you think as you slowly lift up your skirt a little.

“Take it off,” he demands softly, stroking himself while he gaze on you is intense.

You bite your bottom lip as you quietly obey, trying to force yourself to be in the moment. You’ve never done anything like this, and you never imagined your first heavy sexual encounter to be like this. However, it wasn’t about you and your comfort. There was something much more important a stake, and you weren’t about to fuck it up because you were uncomfortable and unhappy.

However, at the moment, you’re not sure if you’re unhappy with the current situation you’re in...or if you’re unhappy with how turned on you are by it.

“Fuck,” you sigh softly, sliding your hand down into your panties and playing with your clit. “Shit!”

“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he grunts as he picks up his pace.

“Daddy,” you whimper, starting to massage your left nipple with your free hand. “Feels so fucking good!”

“I wanna taste that fucking pussy so bad, let me see it,” he groans, his voice strained, and you can tell he’s close.

“How bad do you wanna see my cunt?”

“So fucking bad, baby. Thought about that perfect little pussy so much.”

“Then beg,” you demand with a gasp as you start to fuck yourself.

“Shit, please. Please baby, I need to fucking see it. Fuck, I’ve thought about it so much.”

“Yeah? Did you fucking jerk off to thought of eating me out?”

“You have no fucking idea how much,” he pathetically whimpers as he slowly makes his way over to the bed. “C’mon, be a good girl for Daddy and let me see that perfect little soaked pussy,” he begs.

“Fuck,” you moan, removing your hand and tasting yourself on your fingers before slowly removing your panties.

“Jesus Christ,” he pants, stopping at the foot of the bed. “Every part of you is fucking beautiful. You’re so fucking perfect.”

“You think so, Daddy?”

“Fuck yeah,” he groans as his movements starting to come quicker, as if he’s desperate for release. “Fuck, get over here, Sweetheart. Need to finish off in that filthy little mouth,” he demands weakly.

You quickly get on your knees and make your way to edge of the bed, never breaking eye contact as you open your mouth for him.

“Fuck, keep fucking yourself, I want you to cum for me, Sweetheart. I need you to,” he breathes heavily. He watches as one of your hands makes its way between your legs, and the silent whimper is all he needs. “Shit!” he shouts, shooting his load into your mouth.

It’s more than enough to send you over the edge into your own euphoric trance, as your force yourself to stay up right and steady. You keep your eyes on him as he continues to jerk off into your mouth, groaning satisfaction when the last bit of his hot seed touches your tongue.

“Don’t swallow just yet, Darlin,” he pants with s smirk, before fishing for his cell phone.

You can’t imagine how fucked out you look, and you don’t want to think about it, as he takes a picture of you. When he spits into your mouth, you expect to find yourself disgusted, but you only find yourself ready to do more to please him to your dismay.

‘When did you become this person?’ you think to yourself as look up at him and await his next command.

“Fuck, I wasn’t expecting you to be like this at all,” he chuckles before taking one more picture. “Swallow.”

You do as your told and keep your eyes on him, reluctantly finding yourself loving how much control you may have in the situation.

“Oh Sweetheart, you and I are gonna have a lot of fun together,” he smirks mischievously.

Over the next few hours, Andy is creative in the ways he makes you bring yourself off for his amusement. Loving how submissive you are but also relishing in how dominant you can be at times. He takes his time learning what you actually like and what you’ll do just to make him happy.

Always leaning more towards what you actually like.

By the time the night is through, your throat is sore, your body is tired, and you’re exhausted,

“I expect you to be on time, Tuesday,” Andy states as he zips up his pants, pulling out his money clip and throwing the money down on the bed. “Expect a punishment if you’re late.”

“Of course,” you mumble, looking down at the money next to you.

You’d never gone from feeling so blissed out to feeling like total shit so fast.

“Hey, cheer up. This will be fun for the both of us,” he smirks at you as he puts his suit jacket on.

“Sure it will. Don’t forget your wedding ring,” you remind him lazily as you get up and make your way to your bag.

Andy’s hesitant before he makes his way over to get it. “There’s nothing for you to feel bad about, Y/N,” he states softly as he puts his ring back on, and you can hear the sincerity in his tone. “What we do...it’s just for fun. It’s just sex. I’m free to do what I want and so are you.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like it?” you question before grabbing your bag and disappearing into the bathroom.

You take your time in the shower, letting the night’s events play over and over again. No, you didn’t sleep with him and besides grabbing your hair, he hadn’t touched you.

However, it all still felt wrong. You didn’t feel like you. How you were going to tell Mary and try to avoid telling her how much a part of you enjoyed it, isn’t something you think you’ll be able to do.

But you know you have to.

You quickly dry and dress yourself in the bathroom, brushing your teeth the best you can without making your gums bleed, before making your way back out to the bedroom. Andy’s gone but he left a piece of paper with his number on it, next to the wad of cash on the bed.

You take a deep breath and throw both into your purse before making your way out of the room, wanting nothing more than to distance yourself for the new world you’ve made for yourself as much as possible.

“Hey, how’d it go tonight?” Allison asks, greeting you with a small smile as you make your way off of the elevator.

“Well, I’m still a virgin,” you mumble, walking by the bar and making yourself a drink.

“Oh shit,” she sighs, taking a seat next to you and making your own drink.

“We did...things. We did things and he allowed me to ask him three questions, so I of course asked about Mary-”

“Y/N....no,” she groans.

“Of course his story is different than hers, and for some reason, I believe him because it sounds...very Mary.”

“How so?”

“She thought she could change his mind and became upset when she couldn’t.”

“Well...yeah, that does sound very Mary,” she scoffs, taking a swig of her drink.

“How am I supposed to tell her, Ally? She’s going to be so-”

“You know just as well as I do that she’ll be understanding.”

“And you know just as well as I do that it’ll be to an extent.”

“She’ll come around, babe.”

“She never stopped loving him, fuck! What did I just get myself into?! He didn’t even know that I know her, let alone that she’s my best friend. He didn’t even wanna talk about it.”

“Wait. He didn’t wanna talk about it, and you made him talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, finishing off your drink before pouring yourself another. “He told me to ask him something else and I told him no. However, by how hard he face fucked me tonight, I’m pretty sure I paid for it.”

“Did he-”

“He didn’t do anything I didn’t find myself liking, which is apart of the problem. I don’t want Andy, but I want the release he brings. Yes, at the end of the day, it really is all about the money, but I feel guilty for enjoying the things that get me the money.”

“Honey, if you’re lucky enough to end up with a fuckhead that you actually enjoy, there should be no guilt or shame in that. Andy Barber is fine as fuck and he chose you. Do you want to be with him?”

“Fuck no!”

“Then there’s nothing to feel bad about. He’s just a paycheck that you get to enjoy along the way. Take what you need while getting what you want,” she smiles reassuringly.

You both make small talk before she tells you that both her and Lindsey have off tomorrow, so they’ll text the plans for tomorrow in the group chat. You finish your drink and give Allison a tight hug before making your way to the exit. Samantha offers you a small sad smile before handing you your check and wishing you a great weekend.  

When you’re finally settled into your car, you open up your check and chuckle humorlessly.

$717.19.

You do quick math in your head and realize that you’ve made $10,717.19 without barely lifting a finger.

By the time you get home, you’re exhausted and don’t want to think anymore. You ask Gloria if she minds spending her Saturday night with your mother and she’s happy to tell you ‘no’ if it means you’ll go out and have fun for a change,

“Are you sure? Because you have your own life and-”

“Honey, I’ve never seen someone who works quite as hard as you do. You deserve a night off and some fun. If anything serious happens, I promise I’ll let you know,” she smiles reassuringly.

“How much do I owe-”

“This is on the house. For as long as I’ve been caring for your mother, you’ve never asked me for anything more than that’s been required.”

“I can’t just-”

“Yes you can,” she promises softly. “Be young and have fun, even if it’s for a night. Reality will be waiting for you when you get back,” she states sympathetically before making her way down the steps and to her car.

You watch her drive off before taking a deep breath and heading inside.

“You’re home early!” your mother beams as you make your way into the living room.

“No inventory, just regular bullshit,” you smile as you sit down in the chair next to her.

“I missed you today. Grease was on!”

“You watched Grease without me?!”

“Before the end of this life, I need to know why they literally fly off into the sunset,” your Mother jokes as you feel your heart break.

“What have you come up with?” you ask, doing your best to mask your pain.

“I don’t know just yet, but I will figure it out,” she giggles before turning her attention back towards the television.

You give her a small kiss on the hand before turning your attention back to the television. Soon enough, you hear her soft snores and do your best to fight sleep, trying to hold on to the moments that will soon be no more.

But you’re so tired.

You’re not sure how long you’re asleep before you hear your sister’s voice faintly in the background.

“She’s been working hard, honey. Let her rest,” your Mother says softly, but the happiness in her tone is very apparent.

“I know, but I just wanna talk to her. This is the first time I’ve actually seen her in years. She looks so grown up and I miss her. I know she hates me, and I don’t blame her, but I really-”

“She doesn’t hate you, Vivian. She’s just hurt,” your Mother corrects softly.

It takes all of two seconds for you to realize that you’re not having a nightmare and that your sister is, in fact, in the house.

“Vivian,” you yawn as your eyes slowly open “I didn’t know you’d be here today.”

“Hey! You’re up!” she smiles at you, going in for a hug, and instantly move away.

You feel terrible for being angry with your mother, but you don’t like being ambushed. At all. You see the pain in your sister’s expression, but you can’t find yourself feeling bad at all.

“What’s up?” you ask tentatively, your gaze flitting between the both of them.

“Um, mom asked me over for lunch today and I was hoping the three of us could-”

“I have plans,” you interrupt instantly, ignoring the scowl that leaves your Mother’s lips.

“Oh,” she replies weakly “well maybe this week-”

“I’m taking care of mom and I have work,” you reply with a shrug.

“Honey, why don’t you get started on lunch?” your Mother smiles at your sister, the best she can as she hides her annoyance towards you.

Your sister merely nods before slowly making her way out.

“Y/N-”

“Don’t,” you quickly interrupt. “You didn’t tell me she was coming over.”

“You didn’t tell me you had plans.”

“I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t, because you would’ve tried to ambush me another day.”

“I told you-”

“No mom. I get it, I really do. She’s your daughter and things are...I get it, but you don’t get to force me to make nice with her. She didn’t just walk out on you, she walked out on me too. She didn’t care because she was happy to blindly follow behind dad, even though he was in the wrong the entire time. I’m finer with her not being in my life. I’m fine with the both of them not being in my life.”

“You can’t hold on to this hate in your heart forever,” your Mother sighs.

“There’s no hate. I just don’t need them and I don’t care. They made this choice, not me.”

“Y/N-”

“Gloria is going to come over in a few hours. I highly doubt that Vivian is gonna be able to take care of you on her own. She doesn’t know a thing about your medication or diet.”

“Y/N-”

“I called her, ya know,” you almost sob. “When you were first diagnosed, I called her to let her know. I called her multiple times. I called her cell, her house, and her job. She couldn’t be fucking bothered. She never returned a call, always had someone answer for her to say that she was too busy...she made the choice for things to be this way and I’m not gonna feel bad for wanting nothing to do with her. For wanting nothing to do with either of them,” you sniff as you wipe your eyes.

“Who are you meeting up with?” your Mother sighs as she wipes her own eyes.

“Mary, she’s home for the weekend, so we’re gonna go out with a few friends.”

“You can’t see her tomorrow?”

“I want to spend time with you. Not you and Vivian.”

“Y/N-”

“We have tomorrow and Monday,” you smile weakly. “You have a lunch and I have to get ready for my day out.”

“I don’t want you mad at me, Sweet Pea.”

“I’m not mad, I’m just tired.”

You quickly make your way upstairs and put together an outfit before getting into the shower. You do your best to push your feelings of anger and irritation aside, but you truly can’t wrap your head around the fact that your mother tried to force you into spending time with your sister. It’s not like you don’t get why it means so much, and you truly want to make your mother as happy as possible while you still can, but you’re just not ready to speak to your sister or Father again.

You’re not sure if you ever will be.

As you dry yourself off and start getting dressed, you hear a faint knock on your door.

“Are you ever gonna stop hating me, Y/N?” your sister asks softly as she opens the door.

“I thought you had to wait for someone to say ‘come in’ before you make your way into their space,” you scowl.

“Y/N-”

“I don’t hate you, Vivian. I just want nothing to do with you or Dad. I think that’s fair.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I get it, okay? I was selfish, I was stupid-”

“You broke her heart, Vivian!” you finally snap. “You blamed her for something that she had no control over! You don’t think she tried to stop him from leaving? You don’t think it broke her heart that he’d rather cheat than be a better man for his family? She did everything she could for us, and you just...it doesn’t even fucking matter,” you sniff as you wipe your eyes, before putting on your sneakers. “She’s dying so you both need to make peace with your consciences. Whatever.”

“That’s not-”

“That’s exactly what the fuck it is. I’m not stupid. You’re lucky though, cause neither of you had to watch her fall apart in real time. You didn’t deal with the hair loss, the vomiting, the emergency hospital visits, the bills, the breakdowns, the freak outs, the coughing up blood, the weight loss, none of it. You guys waited till the end and I gotta say, you made the smart move. Avoiding any true guilt and coming in when you have just enough time to enjoy the few good days she has left? Genius.”

“Y/N,” she sobs.

“Gloria will be here around 5. I don’t know what time I’ll be home, so just try not to run out on her again until I come back, okay? Thanks,” you smile sarcastically at her, before grabbing your purse and pushing past her and making your way downstairs. “I’m gonna get going, Mama.”

“You won’t stay for-”

“I love you, but I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I’m just not there yet,” you sigh with a weak smile. “But we’ll do something tomorrow, okay? We can watch ‘Grease’ together and try to solve the mystery.”

“Don’t be mad at me,” your mother pleads softly, gently placing her hand on yours.

“I could never,” you promise, kissing her forehead and slowly pulling your hand away “I just can’t be here right now. Gloria will be here in a few hours, okay?”

“Yeah...have fun and be safe,” your Mother encourages weakly. “I love you.”

“I’ll see you later,” you respond meekly before rushing out.

The minute you start your car, you start crying. Is it not enough that work just got extremely complicated? Now your personal life has to get complicated too?

By the time you arrive at Mary’s parents’ house, you’re spent and just wanna go home. But you know better. Going back to chaos will only cause more of it, and you need a break.

From everything.

“You’re here!” Mary squeals, running down the steps as you get out of your car, and you can’t help but chuckle. “I missed you so fucking much!”

“I missed you too,” you giggle as she tackles you with a tight hug. “Are the girls here?”

“No, we’re gonna meet them at the bar! Which means...”

“Oh God, please don’t make me!” you groan, stomping your foot.

“You get to help me get ready!”

“Can I just stab myself instead? It’s just as painful.”

“Ha ha, get your ass in here,” she smirks before pulling you inside her parents house.

As both of her parents hug you and welcome you in, your mind can’t help but wonder if they know. Know what Mary used to do, know if she helped you land your current job...how she’s able to pay for school without a cent from them...they have to at least be curious, right?

“So, catch me up! I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in forever!” she sings as she makes her way into the bathroom that connects to her room.

“What do you wanna know about?” you ask, fighting off the inevitable as your phone buzzes.

Unknown Number: Are you sure you can’t come in tonight?

Y/N: How did you get my number, Andy?

Unknown Number: Samantha will basically give me anything that I want. Any information I want about you, I can easily get.

Y/N: Jesus, did you help her cover up a murder or something?

Unknown Number: Something like that lol. Now, about tonight.

Y/N: I told you, Andy. My days are non-negotiable. I’ll see you on Tuesday.

Unknown Number: Are you sure?

When the text that follows is a picture of his hard cock in his hand, you’re feel your cheeks heating up at the arousal between your legs.

“Well, I’m guessing you’re not in the mood to talk about your Mother,” Mary sighs heavily, as you jump a little and hide your phone. “Sooo, I was thinking we could talk about work?” she asks hesitantly.

“Um, I mean...we can...”

“What don’t you want to tell me? Did someone hurt you? Is Samantha being a cunt? Because I swear to God I’ll-”

“No...no, nothing like that,” you chuckle nervously.

At that moment, your eyes land on a picture on her nightstand of you two when you were 6, and you truly want to die.

“Is it about Andy?” she asks softly.

“Yes,” you all but mumble. Her silence is enough to make you want to run away and leave, but you know you can’t. Mary’s your best friend and you need to be up front with her. “We don’t have to-”

“You may as well tell me,” she mutters and you can tell that she probably has her hands balled into fists.

“He uh...he wants me to see him...only him,” you confess nervously as you start to fiddle with your hands. “He knows I’m a virgin, and Samantha made him swear not to force himself on me, but we did...stuff last night. He obviously doesn’t know why I work there, and I don’t want him to, but the money he’s paying...it’s really good money, plus what Mary pays me at the end of the week. I need every bit of it.”

“He’s such a fucking asshole! I swear to Christ!” she exclaims, slamming her hand down on the sink. “Let me guess, Samantha made it known that you’re a virgin?”

“Yup, because you know how guys like that are. They want to be the first and they want to know they’re the only one whose touched you like that. Of course, the minute the word got out that she hired a virgin, business started booming,” you mutter, looking down at your feet.

You feel so fucking small.

“I’m not trying to be a bitch, I know how much you need the money. It’s the only reason I told you about the club in the first place, but do you-”

“It’s $10,000, Mary. No matter what happens with Sam, I’m guaranteed $10,000 with Andy. $10,000 a week? That covers expenses in spades,” you explain, trying to fight off your feelings of guilt. “It’s not like I’m happy about this or happy to be with him. I even asked him why he broke your heart,” you say before you can stop yourself.

“What? What did he say?” she asks, coming out of the bathroom half dressed, toothbrush still in her mouth.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Y/N, tell me-”

“Mary, why are you gonna put yourself through all of this again? Stop thinking about-”

“Please don’t,” she practically sobs. “I know, okay? I went through it and I know what...I know. It’s just not fucking fair!”

“Then stop thinking on it,” you beg, getting up and wrapping her in a tight hug. “You deserve better and you’ll have better. You’ll have the dream man you’ve always wanted, but you have to stop being so hung up on him.”

“Why does he get to have everything he wants?”

“Because he’s rich, babe. He’s rich which means he can afford to have everything he wants,” you smile sympathetically as you back away.

“Help me finish up?” she asks softly as she dries her eyes.

“I’d love to.”

You two spend the rest of the time at her house helping her get an outfit together and telling her about how about how Vivian and your Father are trying to come back into your life now that your Mother is nearing the end of hers. As you do her hair and explain everything that’s going on, you can tell that Mary feels bad at suggesting you not see Andy anymore.

“So, she just wants you to welcome her back with open arms like she didn’t fuck you both over?” Mary asks as you curl the last part of her hair.

“Yup. Vivian tried to give me a whole fucking story about how she’s not coming by to clear up her conscience.”

“What a bitch. Honestly, fuck the both of them. You’ve been taking care of your mother, for almost 2 years without any help from anyone. They have no right.”

“She wants us all to make up before she...but I’m not there yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be there.”

“And that’s okay, babe,” she sighs. “I know all the hell you’ve gone through because of them, and they honestly don’t deserve your forgiveness, or even a fake act of kindness. Fuck them.”

“It’ll make her happy though and isn’t that what matters most?” you ask as your phone buzzes.

“I know how much you love her, hell, I wish she was my mother, but you have to draw the line somewhere,” she says firmly as your phone buzzes again. “Are you gonna answer that?”

“No,” you mutter, handing her your favorite eyeliner.

“It could be your mom.”

“I promise you it isn’t.”

“Oh,” is all she says. “Why-”

“He wants me to come in tonight,” you mumble as your phone buzzes again.

“You may as well answer it,” she gripes.

Unknown Number: You can’t say it’s not a good photo.

Unknown Number: C’mon, whatever you’re doing tonight can’t be more fun than spending time with me.

Y/N: I can’t tonight, Andy. I told you, my days are non-negotiable.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to, because a part of you does. The release he gave you the night before is the only thing you truly crave right now, and it’s hard to believe that anyone else will give it to you.

That and the fact that there’s a small part of you doesn’t want anyone else to make you feel that way. It’s hard enough to accept that Andy makes you feel and act a certain that you never thought you would, but thinking that there’s possibly someone else that could unlock that inside of you?

That has you terrified.

By the time you and Mary make it to the bar, you’re more than ready to get trashed.

“Finally! Took you two long enough!” Lindsey squeals as you and Mary make your way inside the bar.

Allison practically knocks you over with the hug she gives you and you can’t help but laugh, knowing full well that she’s already buzzed.

“I missed you!”

“You just saw me last night,” you laugh.

“Yeah, but that’s work. I haven’t hung out with either of you in so long!” she whines before letting go of you and tackling Mary with a hug.

“Someone’s having a good time,” you giggle as you hug Lindsey.

“Like the rest of us, she’s in need of a night off,” she chuckles, hugging you tight.

“What happened?”

“She’s gonna bring it up later, but her and Tyler got into another argument about work. He doesn’t want her working at the club anymore.”

“Then maybe he should get a fucking job and do something? Besides, it’s not like it’s some fucking surprise. She’s been up front with him from the very beginning.”

“Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I went off too. She needs to leave his ass, but you and I both know she won’t.”

“It’s really fucking sad what we’re willing to go through just fucking feel normal outside of work.”

“You’re telling me,” she sighs heavily.

As the night goes on, you all drink and talk about how life is currently being a bitch to all of you.

“You need to leave his ass, Ally,” you slightly slur as you grab your drink. “He’s a piece of shit and has no right to talk to you like that.”

“I love him,” she sighs before finishing off the rest of her drink. “I know I shouldn’t but I do. He wasn’t always like this and I get why he’s mad, I would be too. I sleep with other men for money, but he knew that. He knew that, he knows why, and he still...I just don’t know.”

“Exactly,” Mary jumps in. “He fucking knows why you do it. Outside of Lindsey, I don’t know anyone who stays at the job as long as we all have for shits and giggles. Well, Lindsey and the fucking terror twins,” she scoffs.

“Yeah, but I’m not a piece of shit like the terror twins!” Lindsey quickly defends as you all laugh.

“We know, babe. We know,” you encourage as you pat her arm.

“My point being,” Mary starts again “Tyler doesn’t like what you do, but he likes the money you make. He knows why you do it, but he literally does nothing to help you. He knows first hand how good you are at your job, but does nothing to keep other men from knowing why you earn so well. I don’t know, maybe he should take his fucking college degree and take care of you, instead of berating you because his fucking feeling are hurt,” she snaps as your phone starts to ring.

You take one look at it and scowl, before rolling your eyes and ignoring it.

“Looks like you’ve got Barber wrapped around your finger,” Mary scoffs before finishing off her drink.

“Don’t,” you bite before waiving a waiter over and asking for another round of drinks.

“I’m not,” she huffs “I just fucking hate him.”

“I didn’t decide on this lightly and you know that.”

“I know and I’m truly not mad at you. Honestly, I can’t even bitch about it that much because he didn’t even know we know each other. This isn’t him being a dick, it’s just him being attracted to someone else. The shittiest part is that the someone else is my best fucking friend.”

“I’ll just tell him that I can’t do it,” you shrug, grabbing your phone.

“Stop it, I’m sorry,” she sighs, rubbing the back of her neck. “You need that money and I know that. I want your mother to be as comfortable as possible, I’m just...I still love him. I shouldn’t and he doesn’t deserve my love, but that doesn’t change the fact that I do,” she almost sobs as your phone starts ringing again. “Just answer him,” she laughs humorlessly “I know him and he isn’t going to stop until he gets what he wants.”

“I can be persistent too, ya know.”

“Just answer him.”

You slowly make your way out, grateful for the soft breeze and the sound of the water hitting the rocks, before finally answering him.

“What?” you snap, leaning against the balcony ledge.

“You could be a little nicer, ya know.”

“What do you want, Andy?”

“You know what I want.”

“And you know that I can’t. Why are you-ow!” you exclaim as you almost fall over, but land on a metal table instead.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! I just...just lost my balance.”

“Are you drunk?” he scoffs.

“Maybe.”

“So, you can’t work on weekends because you’re an alcoholic?”

“Oh fuck off!” you snap and he laughs. “Mary is home for the weekend, so I was bullied into taking a night off so we can all hangout.”

“A night from...?”

“None of your business.”

“You’re a mean drunk.”

“And you’re a nosey man.”

“She mad at you?”

“I mean, she’s not fucking happy about it.”

“So you did tell her?”

“Why are you so surprised by that?”

“Most people choose the easy way out.”

“Do I seem like most people to you?”

“Fair point,” he chuckles softly. “You’re not driving home, right?”

“I’m not that stupid.”

“Text me where you are and I’ll send a service for you and your friends when you’re ready to leave.”

“There’s really no need, but thank you,” you sigh softly, not liking how his genuine concern makes you feel just a bit special.

“Y/N-”

“Mary’s already upset, Andy. You sending a car will only make her upset. We can get ourselves home.”

“At least let me know when you’re home.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“I just made a hefty investment. I can’t have you dying on me after just a day,” he jokes and you can’t help but burst out laughing. “I like your laugh,” he comments after your laughter dies down.

“Blame the alcohol.”

“I just might,” he scoffs. “You’ll let me know when you’re safe?”

“I promise,” you state softly.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Andy.”

As the night goes on, and you all get drunker, you do your best to push your thoughts about everything away. You don’t want to think about Andy, you don’t want to think about the fact that your Mother is on her way out, and you definitely don’t want to think about your sister and father. You just wanna stay in the moment with your friends and feel a temporary sense of relief, but as 2am hits and you’re holding Alison’s hair back, you know it’s time to go.

Figuring out how to get home is a bit tricky, but you all manage with you deciding that the three of them will sleepover at Lindsey’s and you’ll go back home. The second you stumble into your Mother’s house, you’re ready to go to sleep, but you remember that you promised Andy you’d let him know when you’re home. You plop down on the chair next to your Mother’s hospice bed and pull out your phone.

Y/N: I’m home safe.

You were ready to settle into the chair when you’re phone started ringing.

“Why are you up?” you yawn once you answer the phone.

“If I’m not fuckin’, I’m workin’,” Andy jokes and you chuckle softly. “Did you have fun?”

“Mhm, I think we all needed it. You need to get sleep.”

“Soon enough. Jacob’s still out.”

“Don’t be a boner when he gets home,” you muse lazily and Andy lets out a hearty laugh.

“I just wanna know he’s home safely. I trust the kid.”

“Always have.”

“See you Tuesday?”

“Mhm,” you hum as you start to drift off.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Andy,” you smile before hanging up.

Sleep comes easily enough as you kick off your shoes and settle in the lay-z-boy. As you slip out of consciousness, you can’t help but feel anxious. Anxious about your Mother, your sister, your Father, your future...

Anxious about Andy.

You mentally tell yourself that everything will be fine and fall into place as they should, because life always has a funny way of working itself out.

However, the feeling of dread and vampires flying around in your stomach has you thinking differently.

If only someone would give you a crystal ball to see your future.

In the next two months of you seeing Andy professionally, a lot has happened.

Your Mother’s condition has taken a turn for the worst, both your sister and Father have been hounding you to spend time with them, your relationship with Mary has gotten rockier by the day, and Andy has become obsessed with spending as much time with you as possible.

Andy.

To say that you’ve developed feelings for him is a stretch, but you’ve definitely started feeling something towards him.

“Daddy, it’s gonna hurt,” you moaned as you looked up at Andy.

“Only for a little bit, Sweetheart. I promise that it’s gonna feel so good after a little bit,” he cooed softly.

“Why did you have to get one that’s so big?”

“So we can both pretend that it’s me fucking you,” he coaxed devilishly as he softly rubbed the head of the dildo against your clit “don’t you wanna make Daddy happy?”

“That’s not fair!” you pouted as Andy chuckled, and you could tell that he was doing all he could not to kiss you. “You promise to take it slow?”

“I won’t get aggressive until you tell me to.”

“I never tell you to,” you quickly defended.

“Sure you don’t, Sweetheart,” he laughed softly as he slowly pushed the head of the dildo into your pussy.

“Fuck!” you hissed at the pain new feeling of being stretched out. “Daddy!”

“I know, sweet girl, it’s okay,” he encouraged as he kept pushing it in further “just give it time.”

“Shit!” you moaned as the toy filled you, trying to stop the tears that were brimming in your eyes from spilling out. “Andy please!”

“I know, baby,” he urges gently as he starts to move it in and out of you slowly “just give it a minute,” he egged on before kissing your forehead.

You knew it was against the rules that you two set but, in that moment, you’re more than happy for the soft display of affection. In the short amount of time that you two had your little arrangement set up, Andy had done his best to figure out what you truly loved and what you tolerated. He knew when you were doing something to make him happy, and when you were doing something that you genuinely enjoyed and made you happy. That’s what got him off.

You slowly learned that Andy loved to please you. If you weren’t satisfied, he didn’t get off. He hated finishing before you did and he hated when finished yourself off instead of him.

“Fuck! Andy!” you moaned as the pain slowly started to turn into pleasure.

“Yeah? You like that, Sweetheart?” he groaned as he started to pick up his pace.

“Please...please don’t stop,” begged, your toes curling once he turned it on. “Fuck! It’s a fucking vibrator?!” you squealed as your back arched.

“You know I love to surprise you,” Andy chuckled as he started to pick up the pace. “You’re the best little slut I’ve ever had. Did you know that, Sweetheart?”

“No Daddy!” you whimpered as you tried to hold off on your release. “I just wanna make you happy!” you mindlessly confessed, too blissed out to mask your feelings.

“Yeah? You really like making me happy?”

“Yes! I love making you happy, Daddy! I love it when you’re satisfied!”

“Then cum for me,” he demanded hotly against the shell of your ear. “Cum for me right now, baby!”

“Shit!” you whimpered, gripping the sheets as you cum hard for him. “Fuck,” you sighed, trying to regulate your breathing.

“You know, I should be mad at you,” he said in a warning tone, still hovering over and looking you over. His pupils lust blown.

“Wh...what did I do?” you stuttered, your excitement quickly building again.

“You still won’t let me taste or fuck this perfect little pussy, you think that’s fair?”

“You know better, Daddy.”

“I still don’t fucking like it,” he muttered darkly, sitting up before turning off the vibrator and slowly pulling it out of you.

“Daddy!” you whined, not liking how empty you felt.

“You’re such a little brat, you know that?”

“Well, whose fault is that?” you snapped glaring at him.

“Oh, so you’re gonna get smart with me now? You clearly wannna get punished tonight,” he smirked with a dark chuckle. “You’re gonna suck this dildo clean, before sucking Daddy’s cock until I’m satisfied.”

“No, I’m sorry! I’ll be so good-”

“Too late, open up,” he demanded with a cocked brow.

That night, Andy kept you on your knees for over an hour and fucked your mouth until you were both too blissed out.

It’s not that you don’t want to fuck him, but taking that step will just make things too complicated and you know it. The only thing that makes you so sure are the fact that they’re nights when he doesn’t want sex at all. Yeah, he still wants you topless, but he mainly wants you to lay by him while he’s working on a case.

“So wait,” you sighed, sitting up, “what’s the issue? I’m missing something here.”

“You and me both, Baby,” he sighed, laying his head against the headboard.

“Isn’t it evident that the guy has a history of violence?”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s obvious that he was in location in question at the time of the assault, right?”

“He was in the area, but there’s nothing to pin him to being at the park at that time.”

“Well, there’s nothing to show that he wasn’t either. What did the victim say? She takes that route as a shortcut, but she only felt comfortable because of the amount of security cameras there?”

“Yeah, which is why I’m so fucking pissed that the trail keeps going cold whenever I think I’ve made a break in the case.”

“Okay, well, lets stop and think,” you propositioned as you leaned your head against the headboard. “The guy met her at the store, right? That’s how they got to talking?”

“Yeah?”

“Now, they both have said that he asked her out a few times, and each time she said no. I think it’s fairly clear that this guy became a little obsessed with her. I think he started stalking her and started following her patterns. If he’s as crazy as I believe he is, he probably noticed the cameras too. Noticed where they were and which ones worked and which ones didn’t.”

“They all work.”

“No they don’t. I know exactly what park she’s talking about and I know for a fact that some of those cameras are just for show. I got mugged there a few years ago. That park’s got dummy cameras, which makes no sense cause they could just fix the ones that don’t work, but whatever. Those are my tax dollars hard at work,” you muttered, rolling your eyes before grabbing your drink before taking a sip of it.

“Wait...what?”

“They have dummy camera’s in the park, Andy. They look like they work but they don’t, they keep them up anyway as a deterrent. But some of the cameras actually do work. The part of the park where she was attacked, they’re 2 dummy cameras there. I’m more than sure that one of those cameras at least got a shot of him.”

“Y/N, you’re a fucking genius, did you know that?” he beamed at you before practically bouncing off the bed, phone in hand, before dialing Lynne’s number.

When he saw you the next night, he gave you a silver chained necklace with a diamond red rose at the center of it.

“Andy,” you gasped, “you didn’t have to do this,” pressing your fingers to the necklace. “This is too much.”

“Thanks to you, little Miss, we were able to go over the footage from those dummy cameras and the case practically made itself,” he smirked as you both looked yourself over in the mirror. “It’s just my small way of saying thank you. You saved my ass.”

“It must have cost-”

“Don’t worry about the cost. Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

“Then keep it,” he smiled before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

In those moments, you truly are at war with yourself over your feelings towards Andy. You’re not stupid. You know the arrangement and how he feels, but fuck all if he doesn’t make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world sometimes. The way he can be so gentle and soft with you. The look in his eyes when he’s simply checking on you or after he gives you an intense orgasm. The way he confides in you about work, Jacob, or Laurie. He has a way of blurring the lines, and while it makes you insanely frustrated and annoyed, you also don’t want him to stop.

That doesn’t mean that it’s always sunshine and rainbows between you two.

“Andy, you sound like a fucking idiot right now, stop it,” you griped as you got on the bed and laid down on it.

“You were the one all over-”

“All over?! Andy, your co-worker said hi to and hit on me, which I politely rejected. Why the fuck you’re so upset is beyond me, but it’s not my job to figure it out.”

“Exactly! Your job is to do whatever I pay you for, like a fucking slut is supposed-”

“A slut?!” you exclaimed as you sat up. “I’m the fucking slut, but you’re paying me just so you can fuck me with a fucking vibrator?! But I’m the slut?!”

“I may be the one paying, but you’re the one who’s more than happy to take the fucking money!”

“Fuck you!” you spat before getting off the bed and starting to get dressed. “Go find someone else to bitch to about Laurie! Or to whine to about the cases you can’t figure out! Go ahead! Go fucking do it! Go do it and see who genuinely gives a shit about you! Who genuinely gives a shit about seeing you happy!”

“Y/N-”

“GO!” you roared as you pulled your top on. “I’m fucking done! Literally everything is going wrong in my life! I don’t need your shit on top of it! Go pay someone else $10,000 to play mistress with!”

“Stop it-”

“I’m done!” you yelled before grabbing your things and storming out.

Andy left you alone for two days before he finally caved and text you.

Barber: I’m sorry.

Y/N: I fucking hate you.

Barber: No you don’t.

Y/N: How the fuck would you know?

Barber: Because you responded.

Y/N: Go bother someone else. I’m done. If I lose my job, I lose my fucking job.

Barber: I wouldn’t let Samantha fire you and you should know that by now.

Y/N: Well, you were all too willing to let her before.

Barber: Things change. It doesn’t matter. Just come in tomorrow, I’ll make it up to you.

Y/N: I don’t want to see you.

Barber: Y/N, just please.

Y/N: I’ll fucking think about it.

Of course, you caved and went the next day, but you went fully dressed and didn’t even bother to make him his drink

“I’m not even slightly surprised about this,” he scoffed humorlessly as he closed the door behind him.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you stated flatly, arms folded across your chest.

“Y/N-”

“No Andy. You’re far too comfortable with belittling me when you’re not happy about something in your own life. You don’t think I have shit going on that pisses me off? That frustrates me?”

“In my defense, I barely know anything about you.”

“Apparently, it’s better that way, cause you’ll probably use it against me.”

“You know I didn’t mean it.”

“You still said it!”

“I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry,” he sighed mournfully as he leaned against the wall. “You’re the one part of my life right now that doesn’t drive me crazy. No, I don’t like it when any of these other assholes talk to you, let alone look at you, because they don’t deserve to. I was already angry when I got here the other day, so when I saw Tyler talking to you, I lost my cool. You’re my girl-”

“No, I’m not Andy,” you sighed as you felt your eyes start to water. “I’m not anyone’s girl.”

“For 4 hours, you are my girl.”

“Andy...we should stop now.”

“Why? I like spending time with you and you like spending time with me.”

“We’re not dating, Andy. You pay me for sexual favors and that’s it. We’re not in love, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, and we aren’t together.”

“There’s nothing wrong with two people enjoying each other’s company.”

“Tell that to Mary,” you scoffed, shifting your weight from one foot to another.

“What’s she upset about? We’re not fucking.”

“We’re just as good as!”

“Listen, you say you need this money, and if she’s your best friend, she should support it. Especially seeing as she’s the one who got you into all of this.”

“Don’t. That’s not fair Andy,” you warned, straightening up a bit. “That’s a low blow and you know it. Jesus, why do you want me to stay so bad?”

“Cause you’re not like the other girls, Y/N. I’m not saying that I want to get married, but I at least wanna be your friend. Your friend with benefits,” he smirked.

“That doesn’t seem like such a good idea for us either.”

“It’s not a bad one.”

“Then what happens when you decide you wanna stop?”

“Then we’re just friends,” he shrugged.

You were thoughtful before you spoke. “You can’t talk to me like that ever again, Andy. I mean it. Do it again and I’m done.”

“It’ll never happen again, I promise,” he stated sincerely, and you couldn’t help but believe him. All you did was nod before starting to pull your shirt up. “What are you doing?”

“What I’m supposed to?”

“I told you, I’m gonna make it up to you. I’m taking you out.”

“Wh..what? Taking me out where?”

“Have you eaten?”

“No.”

“Then this works out perfectly.”

“Andy, wherever you plan on taking me...I’m not dressed for it, no matter what outfit I’m wearing.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m taking somewhere that I’m sure you’ll love. Grab your stuff, lets go,” he smiled at you.

It’s not like you could ignore all the stares that were burning themselves into the both of your heads as you two walked out, but what could you do? At the end of the day, no matter what Andy said, you still had to do whatever he wanted. Sure, his words were sweet and nice enough, but they were still just words.

The car ride to wherever he was taking you was filled with awkward silence, while you tried to find a decent radio station, but nothing seemed right. However, happiness overwhelms you when he pulls up to O’Hara’s Food & Spirits.

“Who told you?!” you beamed as you looked out the window.

“Who told me what?” Andy chuckled, genuinely confused by the change in your demeanor.

“That this place means everything to me! This is one of my most...who told you?”

“No one? I just thought you’d like it,” he smiled sincerely.

That’s when your feelings for Andy truly started to change. O’Hara’s was special to you, because it had been a place you and your mom would go to once (maybe twice if the money was there) a month when you both just wanted a night out. It was just the both of you and you both had decided a stress free Mother/Daughter dinner was the best thing every once in a while.

When her sickness got worse, you had to stop, because she couldn’t physically handle it. Being parked in front of the restaurant brought back so many happy memories, that you couldn’t help but shed a few tears.

The fact that Andy had thought (on his own) that you’d like a place like that, meant more to you than you were ready to admit. The best you could do was lean over and kiss him on the cheek.

“You did great, Andy,” you smiled at him “I love this place.”

“You ready to eat?” Andy grinned at you sheepishly.

“Lets go.”

Almost as soon as you two made your way inside, waiters and waitresses were greeting you, happy to see you and asking about your Mother.

“Okay, you’ve gotta tell me something,” Andy pressed as the waiter walked away with the drink order.

“Tell you something about what?”

“Well, you kissed my cheek in the car, every server in here seems to be happy to see you, and they all keep asking about your mom,” he stated matter-of-factly. “At least give me something.”

You sighed heavily as the waiter dropped off your drink orders, before taking your meal orders and walking off. “I used to come here with my Mother after...after everything that had happened, we decided that Mother/Daughter dinners would be good. When we could afford it, it was nice for us to just have a night where we didn’t worry about drama, dishes, cooking, work...it was just us talking and talking having a nice time, and forgetting for a bit. When she first got sick, we still kept it up because we were hopeful. As she got sicker, I started placing orders for pick up. Then I stopped ordering all together because there were other things to take care of.”

“How is she now?”

You swirled your drink around in your glass before taking a sip. “I work at the Club for a reason.” Andy’s silence made you roll your eyes. “This is why I don’t talk about it,” you scoffed humorlessly as your food arrived. “Besides the fact that it sucks and I don’t wanna think about it, I don’t need or want anyone feeling sorry for me either. I’m not some pity side show.”

“It’s not pity, I just feel like an asshole.”

“That’s because you are an asshole,” you smirked as he let out a soft chuckle.

From that moment on, the conversation was more lax and flowed easily. You both made each other laugh, challenged each other mentally, and found yourselves getting lost in conversations that you wouldn’t have with anyone else.

You both just enjoyed one another.

In fact, you both enjoyed one another so much, that you lost track of time.

“Ya know, I can’t remember the last time I stayed at a restaurant till closing,” Andy scoffed as he pulled up to the club, next to your car.

“I can’t remember the last time I went to a restaurant,” you laughed. “Thank you for apologizing and thank you for tonight. It was nice. When you’re not being a complete piece of shit, you’re a lot of fun to be around,” you smirked.

“I’m working on it, I’m working on it,” he chuckled. “Thank you for forgiving me and coming out tonight.”

“Yeah yeah, Barber,” you smirked before opening the car door and getting out. “Goodnight Andy.”

“Goodnight, Sweetheart.”

From then on, there was a shift between you two and everyone noticed.

“So, how’s Andy?” Mary slurred into the phone as you rolled your eyes.

“Can we not do this tonight? I’m really not in the mood,” you sighed as you laid on your bed in your room.

“All I did was ask-”

“No, all you’re doing is starting another argument that I don’t have the energy for. Do you even realize what day it is? It’s a Thursday, Mary. It’s Thursday and I’m not working, because he text me and told me not to come in and that he’ll see me next week. Which means he’s currently fucking someone else. So, whatever you think is going on, clearly isn’t,” you snapped.

“You seem pretty fucking irritated by that,” she scoffed, followed by a hiccup.

“No,” you lied, “I’m irritated because I don’t know what the fuck you want from me! I told you that I’d call the whole thing off and you said no. I asked you again the next night and you said no because it’s good money and I need it. Now, every other call or text is about Andy, and it’s like you’re mad at me for being upfront with you! If I don’t tell you, you’re mad at me! So Mary, what the fuck would you like for me to do?! Please tell me what the fuck you want!”

“I want him to stop loving you!” she cried. “You don’t think I hear myself?! You think I want to be a bitch?! I know I’m being an asshole, but what the fuck do you have that I don’t?!”

“For the millionth time, he doesn’t fucking love me,” you sighed.

“You both may be too fucking stupid to see it, but I’m not! He’s different with you! The gifts he gets you, the fact that you’re his main girl, the fact that he actually cares when he makes you upset...he’s definitely-”

“He’s definitely not and you’re thinking too much of it. I’m tired of having this talk, Mary. You’re my best friend and I’ve literally done everything in my power to do right by you, and it’s not fucking enough. You told me about the fucking job, I told you when he propositioned me, and I tell you the truth when you ask me about seeing him. So I really don’t know what the fuck you want out of me anymore, but I’m done trying to figure it out. Talk to me when you’re done obsessing over him,” you huffed before quickly hanging up.

You knew you’d pissed her off, but you didn’t think you’d actually pissed her off to the point where she’d go too far. But then again, she was drunk.

“Uh Y/N,” Allison called as she awkwardly walked over to you. “There’s someone here to talk to you.”

“Can you ask them to come back? I’m already behind and I need to get ready.”

“Uh...she says she’s your sister,” she all but mumbled.

The last bit of patience that you had snapped. “What?”

“I know you and Mary got into a huge argument, but please don’t-”

“I’m gonna fucking kill her,” you growled before grabbing your bag and making your way to the entrance. “Outside,” was all you said before breezing past your sister. “What do you want?”

“So this is what you do? Instead of making peace with me and accepting my help? Dad’s help? You do this?!”

“Don’t paint yourself as some fucking God, Vivian,” you scoffed. “You both fucking left. I called you when she got sick and where were you?”

“That was then-”

“Where were you?! Not fucking here! So, I took on three fucking jobs so I could help pay for her medical expenses, because her job didn’t help with shit! The little bit of money dad bothered to leave before running off with his young bride keeps the lights on and the water running! When I put my pride aside and went to you for help, your fucking assistant kept saying you couldn’t be reached! When I text and called you, you never returned either of them! When she got worse, I tried reaching out to you again, because I was missing out on time with her, but once again, you couldn’t be bothered!”

“Y/N-”

“No! You don’t get to come here and judge me! Acting like you’re some fucking patron saint because you’ve come riding in on your white horse at the last possible fucking minute! Mary is the one who told me about this job. Did your new best friend even bother to tell you that?!” You practically screamed at her. Her silence told you everything you needed to know, as her eyes started to well with tears. “Oh, don’t fucking start crying me a river now, Viv. You don’t know the hell I’ve gone through trying to keep Mom as comfortable and happy as possible! Fucking waitressing here till closing, getting little to no sleep, spending as much time as possible with her as I can, just to have to leave again and come back here! So yes, when a nice man offered to pay me $10,000 just to fucking stand topless in his room and pour him drinks, you bet your ass I fucking took it! It’s not my fault that Mary is in love with him! Did she tell you that I told her I won’t take it? Or that I checked with her multiple times to make sure she’d be okay with it? That she’s the one who told me to take the money because it was good? No, she fucking didn’t! Everyone is so quick to fucking bitch me out and throw stones, but I’ve been busting my ass trying to figure this shit out and I’ve been doing it alone! So you can go straight to hell with your fucking judgment! You care so fucking much? No, you need to get rid of the fucking guilt you feel because you’re a piece of shit!���

“Y/N, please just-”

“Get the fuck out of here! We’re done here and my shift is about to start,” you boil before turning and walking away.

The minute you stormed back inside, both Allison and Lindsey were on your heels.

“Please calm down,” Lindsey begged, “just text Andy and tell him you can’t-”

“She fucking called my sister?!” you yelled as you aggressively pressed the ‘up’ button on the elevator. “She called my sister and of course bothered to leave out all the parts that would make her look like a piece of shit, right? Cause I’m such a greedy little bitch!”

“Wouldn’t get too comfortable in that suite, Honey,” Madison scoffed as the elevator doors finally opened. “The way Andy fucked me last week...looks like he’s about over you.”

You went to lunge at her but both Allison and Lindsey held you back.

“Fuck off Madison, or I’ll choke you to death myself,” Lindsey warned with a low growl that had Madison running in the opposite direction.

“Hun, please don’t-”

“Nope, I’m a fucking professional. I’m a horrible best friend, and a slut, but I’m also a professional and I will not call out last minute,” you scoffed. “Fuck, I forgot the the stupid drink!”

“I’ll get it,” Allison sighed, “just get up there. The last thing I need is for you to run into Madison and kill her. It’s not like she doesn’t deserve it, but still,” she mutters.

The minute you’re in the room, you pull out your phone and start typing furiously.

Y/N: We’re fucking done. You are dead to me. You told Vivian of ALL people?! I would’ve NEVER done something like that to you! I’ve always done my best to be the best friend I can be, I’ve always done my best to be there for you, and you pull this shit because you’ve decided Andy is in love with me?! I fucking told you I’d stop seeing him and YOU told me not to! So you can fuck right off and go to hell!

By the time Allison got to the room, you were furiously pacing.

“Y/N-”

“I really can’t talk about it right now, Allison. I love you to death, but I can’t do this and have this talk.”

“Just please don’t do anything you’ll regret out of anger. What Mary did was completely fucked, but don’t let it drive the choices you make tonight,” she pleaded softly before setting the tray down and walking out.

You let her words roll around as you got ready, but you couldn’t calm down. After you finished up in the bathroom, you filled your glass and started drinking. When Andy didn’t show up on time, you continued to drink.

By the time he got there, you were teeter-tottering between tipsy and drunk.

“You’re late,” you slurred, not getting up from the chair as you took a sip from your glass. The look on his face let you know that he was already pissed about something. “Uh oh, someone’s mad,” you giggled.

“I thought I told you I wanted you loose, not drunk,” he stated with an irritated sigh.

“Well, lets just add it on to the list of things I’m doing wrong today, cause it apparently is every fucking thing,” you shrugged before finishing off your drink and pouring yourself another. “Anyway, you’re late. Why are you late, Mr. Barber? The members of the jury are dying to know.”

“Laurie,” was all he said as he looked you over.

“Ah yes, the evil witch. Your wife.”

“Watch it,” he warned as he unbuttoned the sleeve buttons on his shirt and rolled them up.

“That’s right, I’m not allowed to use the ‘w’ word,” you scoffed. “Cause then we’re both reminded how bad we feel.”

“What the fuck is with you tonight?” he finally snapped.

“I got two hours of sleep, Andy. You wanna know why? Because my Mother had a really bad night and I was handling it, by my fucking self, like I do everything else in my life. Can’t do much because it’s hospice, so ya know, she’s just going to fucking die at home no matter what, ya know? But that’s fine. I’ve come to terms with that. So, I took care of her and got her to calm down, then I cried for about an hour before falling asleep. Woke up two hours later, made her some food, gave her medicine that helps her deal with the pain. I told Gloria, her wonderful nurse, about her episode last night, then left to come here. Ya know what happened when I fucking got here? I’ll tell you,” you smiled sarcastically before taking a sip of your drink. “My fucking cunt of a sister was here to berate me for working at this lovely little Gentlemen’s Club. Of course, it’s not like I didn’t try to ask for her help financially when our Mother was first diagnosed. She couldn’t be fucking bothered, because she was still hanging onto her misplaced anger about our father walking out, but now the both of them are coming in at the last fucking minute and I’m supposed to be fucking grateful. The fact that I open my legs for you makes her better than me,” you laughed humorlessly.

Andy’s demeanor softened, and you could see that he felt awful. “Baby-”

“Oh wait, it gets better!” you scoffed as you poured him a drink “C’mon, have a drink with me! We’re having fun!”

“Sweetheart-”

“Andy, you have to drink with me! I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet!” you encouraged, holding out the glass. Andy sighed but reluctantly took the glass and took a sip from it. “Thank you! Now, for the best part, you wanna know who told my sister I work here? No? That’s fine, it’s less climatic if you guess. It was Mary!” you beamed as Andy dropped his head in frustration. “Do you wanna know why she told her? Because she’s convinced that you’re in love with me! She called me last week, for what has to be the millionth fucking time, about it and I fucking snapped. So, in return, she ratted me out. Didn’t think the little bitch had it in her, but well fucking played,” you muttered before taking another sip of your drink.

“Sweetheart, please-”

“But I keep telling her you don’t love me, because you don’t. If you loved me, you wouldn’t only see me here, you wouldn’t pay me for my fucking company, and you wouldn’t have fucked Madison senseless last week, little cunt. Oh! That reminds me, since you fucked hers so good last week, she’s under the impression that you’re gonna put me out to pasture soon, so I guess I should really make our last few days together pretty fucking great.”

“Stop it, Sweetheart. Just stop it. Nothing is changing any time soon.”

“You paid me $10,000, but you were busy with her, so I guess I didn’t really earn the whole thing, did I? Should I give you back $5,000? $6,000? Wanna make sure I’m being fair about this whole thing.”

“You don’t have to give any of it back, baby. Please just-”

“Oh, hold that thought,” you interrupted as your phone started to ring and you got up to answer it. “I have a pretty good fucking idea who that could be!” you beamed as you made your way into the bedroom. “Mary! How did I fucking know?”

“Y/N, please just hear me out-”

“Oh, no tears! No tears cause guess what? Guess who’s here! Andy!” you beamed, making your way out of the room and back into the living area, putting your phone on speaker. “Say hi, Andy!”

“Sweetheart, don’t do this,” he begged softly.

“What do you mean? This is gonna be so much fucking fun! Cause you can finally tell Mary why you don’t love her! You can finally tell her what’s so fucking wrong that you just couldn’t love her back!”

“Stop it-”

“You don’t wanna say anything? That’s fine, cause I’ll say what I think! Ya know Mary, I think it’s just because you’re a selfish fucking bitch! I think it’s because you just care about your own selfish needs and wants, because it doesn’t seem to matter who you hurt in the process, just so long as you feel better about your fucking self!” you snapped.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N! I was just angry and I was drunk-”

“I was your best fucking friend you fucking snake! I’ve done nothing but go out of my fucking way for you time after time and this is how you look out for me?! This is how you tell me you love me?! You go to Vivian, of all fucking people, and you tell her?! After everything she fucking did?!”

“Please, just hear me out-”

“No, because there’s nothing you can fucking say that will justify the way you betrayed me! Even if Andy does love me, even if I have feelings for him, did you really think I would hurt you like that?! That I would try and have something with him even though it would hurt you?! Break your heart?! I’m not you!”

“Y/N-”

“You’re fucking dead to me, Mary. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t come the fucking funeral, don’t ask about me, just stay the fuck away!” you yelled before hanging up the phone and throwing it across the room.

“Sweetheart, take a deep breath,” Andy begged as he made his way towards you.

“I’m fine! Fan-fucking-tastic!”

“Stop it, just stop it,” he sighed as he tried to wrap his arms around you.

“You stop, because I’m fine. We’ll do exactly what you pay me for.”

“Y/N-”

“What Andy? What? You’re the reason she fucked me over, the least I can fucking do is actually let you fuck me. You pay me $10,000, so I may as well just let you fuck me, finally. She thinks we’re fucking all the time anyway, so lets just fucking do it!”

“Sweetheart,” he sighed heavily. “you should know better by now...just come here.”

“No! I’m fine!” you started to cry as you backed away from him. Andy said nothing as he kept coming towards you. “Stop it!” you yelled as you backed yourself into a wall, tears now streaming freely. When he finally wrapped his arms around you, you fought against him. “I don’t need your sympathy because I’m fine!” you yelled, trying to fight against him.

“Baby, you’re not fine. Just calm down,” he cooed, not breaking his hold as he gently stroked your back.

“I’m fine!” you repeated, finally giving in to him. “I’m fine,” you sobbed.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he cooed and you could hear the strain in his voice.

At some point he picked you up, carried you to the bed, and laid you down gently. When he went to walk away, you pulled him back to you.

“Don’t,” he warned softly.

“But I want to.”

“You’re drunk, Sweetheart.”

“So what? I still want to.”

“If you still want to when you’re sober, I’ll be more than happy to, but you need to lay down right now.”

“Andy-”

“Just rest, Sweetheart,” he told you gently, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before walking away.

You were in and out of sleep that night, mainly because you just wanted to feel Andy. Even if it was just him holding you, you wanted him close. At some point, you woke up to him yelling at someone.

His tone was throwing you off, and you couldn’t tell if he was yelling at Mary or Laurie.

“How could you do that to her?! She’s supposed to be your best friend!”

Mary.

“It doesn’t fucking matter what you think of me!...See, this is part of the fucking problem! This is why I can’t fucking love you! You don’t think about the things you say or do! You don’t fucking hold yourself accountable for anything! You have your own ideas, try to force them on everyone, then get mad when things don’t go the way you think they should!...She was your best friend! Despite what happened between us, you had no right to railroad her life like that! On top of everything else, now she has to deal with this too?! ..Good! You should feel like shit!...I don’t wanna fucking hear it, Mary. I’m done with you...no, I fucking mean it this time. Don’t call or text this number again!”

You stared at the ceiling as you tried to keep your emotions at bay, but you now had a million more questions rolling around in your head. Had they been talking the whole time? Was he seeing her? Had he fucked her recently?

“You’re up,” Andy smiled softly.

“Water,” was all you responded with before sitting up, quickly realizing that you were still very drunk.

“I’ll get it for you,” he chuckled softly.

The question left your mouth before you could stop it. “Have you been seeing her the entire time?’

“Ah, so you heard that,” he sighed as he made his way back inside, putting the water down beside you. “I wasn’t seeing her. She text me about a week after we started this, and asked me why I chose you. I told her I liked you. I liked the way you carried yourself, I liked your smile, I liked your subtle way of rejecting men, I liked your laugh...I liked you. Of course, she didn’t like that and wanted me to break it off and I told her no. We argued and she hung up on me. A few days later, she text me and asked if we could have dinner and I told her I don’t think it would be a good idea, but she insisted, so I met her for dinner. We talked, she cried, and we came to the conclusion that I was going to keep seeing you. She tried to talk me into going back to her place with her, I said no, and she left. She’s been texting me on and off, I’m assuming when she’s drunk, but I haven’t been responding,” he finished, getting beside you. “How do you feel?”

“Drunk, angry, and hungry.”

“What do you want to eat?”

“You’re already taking care of me, please don’t feed me,” you muttered, taking a sip of water. “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize for anything,” he quickly interrupted.

“I need to though, because that...that was bad.”

“You’ve been holding a lot in and you have a lot going on. That would’ve sent anyone over the edge because it was fucked up. I obviously don’t know the whole story, but she does. She had no right to do that to you.”

“Still...I had a fucking meltdown,” you groaned, laying your head on his shoulder as he laughed softly.

“Yeah, now I know how much to avoid your bad side.”

“As if you don’t already,” you chuckled softly. “Andy?”

“Hmm?”

“What are we doing?”

“Lets not get into that right now,” he sighed.

“Why not? We need to. I asked you if you love me and you couldn’t give me an answer.”

“Y/N-” ”Andy, was she right? Do you love me?”

“No,” he sighed “but I’d be lying if I said I don’t have feelings for you. Strong feelings for you which is why I told you just take those days to yourself, because I just needed to distance myself from you. I don’t want to stop but I can’t keep spending all my time with you, because if I do...”

“If you do, what?”

“I will fall in love with you and I don’t want that. I don’t wanna fall in love with anyone else ever again,” he mumbled before getting out of bed and making himself a drink.

“Then why don’t we just stop now?”

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” you mumbled, just as frustrated as he was.

“Well, do you love me?”

“No, I don’t believe I do, but I do like you. I like you to the point that it pisses me off that you fucked Madison, of all people.”

“Yeah well, she’s fired anyway.”

“Andy! What did you do?!”

“She shouldn’t have said what she said to you,” he shrugged as he got back in next you.

“Andy, you can’t just have people fired because I don’t like them.”

“I can and I did.”

“For fucks sake,” you whined, getting close to him. “Andy, you’re gonna make everyone here hate me.”

“Then don’t work here anymore. You barely work here now.”

“Stop, don’t start that,” you quickly dismissed.

“I can take care of you.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I’m well aware, but you don’t have to.”

“You just said you don’t want a relationship or to fall in love again. Don’t set me up just to hurt me.”

“Just because I don’t want those things doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.”

“I’m fine as I am now.”

“No you’re not.”

“I don’t wanna argue about this.”

“Just...just think about it, okay?”

“No, because that means that I am yours and I don’t wanna be some ready made whore.”

“You wouldn’t be!”

“Yes, I would be. I basically am now, since you pay me to only see you while you get to see whoever you want.”

“If you’re that so hard on about it, you can see other guys,” he muttered and he didn’t do much to hide the irritation in his tone.

“You say that but you’re already pissed at the thought.”

“You’re right, lets not argue about this tonight,” he huffed. “What do you wanna eat?”

“Nothing.”

“Stop it. You need to eat.”

“I’m fine.”

“Jesus Y/N!”

“What Andy?! What?! We’re two idiots in like with each other and neither one of us wants to be. You don’t wanna stop and I don’t wanna stop, but we’re also trying to keep this as ‘just friends’. How fucking stupid are we?!” you exclaimed.

Andy sighed in defeat and hung his head. “I won’t take up so much of your time and I won’t get mad-”

“Yes you will, just like I’ll get upset when you sleep with other women. Lets not fucking lie to ourselves. I’m too drunk and too tired.”

“Then what do you propose we do?”

“Stop. I don’t like it and you don’t either, but I don’t see any other way.”

“So, I’m just supposed to watch every other guy flirt with you and be okay with it?”

“I’m supposed to watch other women sleep with you and be okay with it?”

“What will make you happy?”

“If you kiss me,” you stated softly.

“Don’t.”

“You asked me.”

“It goes against your rules.”

“I let you fuck me with a vibrator, I send you nudes, I blow you, I let you spit in my mouth, I send you videos...I’m pretty sure we’re way past my fucking rules.”

“I told you before, not while you’re-”

“I’m not asking you to fuck me, I’m asking you to kiss me. You asked me what will make me happy, and being kissed by you will make me happy.”

Andy was hesitant before he dipped down and kissed you softly. The kiss was soft and sweet, but it wasn’t enough for you. You pulled him closer and deepened it, sliding your tongue across his bottom lip.

In no time at all, you were straddling him and making out with him, grinding your hips against his as his hands travel up your bare back.

“We should stop,” Andy husked as you two broke apart. “We should stop before I can’t.”

“Just a little bit more please, Daddy?”

“You’re nothing but trouble when you’re drunk,” he chuckled darkly. “You know exactly what you do to me but you keep pushing.”

“If you really want me to stop, I’ll stop,” you told him honestly.

“Like I said earlier, baby. If you still want this when you’re sober, I’ll be more than happy to do whatever you want over and over again. Until then,”

“I’ll wait,” you whined as he chuckled.

“You’re so fucking sexy, did you know that?”

“You have said it a time or two.”

“Lay down, you. You need your rest.”

“I should be getting home soon-”

“I told Allison about tonight and she said she’ll go to your place and ask...Gloria? She’ll ask her to stay for the night.”

“How pissed was Allison?”

“She said she’ll talk to you about it tomorrow.”

“Fucking great,” you muttered, slowly getting off of him and settling yourself under the covers.

“Just sleep for now, Sweetheart,” Andy told you softly before pressing a kiss into your hair.

From that night on, you and Andy did your best to try and distance yourselves from one another. Andy still paid you the same, but let you go back to serving tables. It’s not as if you were happy about the return, because every guy thought they’d be able to take you upstairs. There was no one who believed you hadn’t slept with Andy, no matter what either of you said, but you were beyond caring. Nothing was getting better at home and you knew your days with were coming to an end.

It didn’t help that, with you going back to serving tables, Andy went back to sleeping with the other girls. On those nights, he made it a point to avoid you and you knew it was because he didn’t want to make you upset. However, you had both decided that, if were going to keep seeing each other as you were, you were both going to need to stop spending so much time together.

With that being said, Tuesdays and Fridays are your favorite days, because they’re the days you two reserve for each other.

“Fuck! Daddy, I love it when you eat my pussy!” you whimper, clawing at his back as you arch your own.

You caved about two weeks after “the incident” and decided that you two needed physical contact. No, he still hadn’t fucked you, but you two always found ways around that.

“Gonna cum for you so soon! Please!” you moan, your release building up.

Andy slides two fingers into your soaked pussy, while his tongue focuses all of its attention on your clit, his grip on your right thigh getting painfully tighter, only adding to your pleasure.

“Fuck!” you yell, cumming all over his fingers, tossing your head back as the relief of your release washes over you.

Andy fucks you with his fingers a little bit longer before removing his finger and holding them up for you to lick and suck clean, while he continued to clean up the mess between your legs.

“Made me wait so fucking long to taste this pussy,” he pants when he finally decides he’s finished.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” you moan as he kisses up your body, stopping to lick and suck on each of your nipples, before continuing a trail up to your lips, kissing you deeply. You run your hands through his hair, loving how obsessed he is with every inch of you, trying to bring him as close to you as possible.

“I missed you, Sweetheart,” he breathes hotly against your ear as one of his hands travels down between your legs. “Missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too! Shit!” you hiss, feeling yourself come to life for him again.

“Yeah? Did you let any of those assholes down there touch you?”

“N-no! No one can touch me besides you, Daddy!”

“Such a good little slut for me,” he groans as you start to stroke him. “Fuck baby!”

“Any of the other girls get you excited as I do?”

“You know they don’t, baby. They can’t even come close, fuck! Just like that!,” he moans into your neck before biting and sucking on the part of it that always makes you crazy for him.

“Andy! Andy please!” you beg, clawing down his back. “Fuck, I need it! Need to feel you, all of you!” you beg.

That has him stopping.

“Sweetheart...?”

“I’m ready, Andy. I need to feel you,” you pant sincerely.

“Baby, are you sure?”

“I want you, Andy. All of you,” you tell him as you cup his face.

“Get dressed, baby,” he tells you as he forces himself upright and gets off the bed.

“W-what?”

“Our first time, your first time, isn’t gonna be in some fucking whore house. I-”

“Watch it,” you warn, sitting up and searching for your panties.

“You know what I mean. This isn’t the place for something like that. This isn’t the place for us.”

“It’s where we met,” you counter before pulling your skirt on then grabbing your bra and putting it on.

“Stop arguing and follow me out,” he smirks before pinning you against the wall and kissing you deeply.

“I don’t wanna wait anymore, Andy,” you breathe once you two break apart.

“It’s gonna be worth it, I promise.”

You quickly finish getting dressed before Andy leaves and you follow behind a few minutes after.

“Is everything okay?” Lindsey asks as you step out of the elevator. “Andy seemed in a rush to get out of here.”

“Yeah no, everything is fine. We just...uh...”

“Oh,” she smirks. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“if there’s anyone I trust for something like this, it’s Andy,” you confess, trying to hide your smile as your phone buzzes.

“I’m not trying to rain your parade, but you know that Mary won’t forgive you for this.”

“Well, I don’t forgive her so I don’t care.”

“She feels awful, Y/N.”

“Did she tell you that Andy called her that night and told her to never talk to her again?”

“Wait what?”

“Exactly, she doesn’t feel bad because she should. She feels bad because Andy won’t talk to her, and she think he’ll warm up to her if she makes nice to me. Linds, I’m not dumb. I know the whole place think we’re in love, but we’re not. We have an understanding. He does his own thing and I do mine. Of course, we both like each other, a lot, but he doesn’t want a relationship and I don’t want my heart broken. That’s why things are the way they are. We both have a clear understanding of what things are.”

“He fucks other girls but you don’t fuck other guys?”

“Because I don’t want to. I barely wanted to fuck Andy before I got to know him,” you scoff.

“Just be careful, babe. Be careful and have fun,” she smiles at you.

You give her big hug before practically running out of the building and to your car. You check your phone to see that Andy’s sent you to the address to the place he wants you to meet him at and you can’t help but feel relief that it’s not his house.

You’d dropped him off a time or two when he’d been too drunk to get himself home (too upset with Laurie and some of the choices he’d made), and even that always made you terrified. Yeah, Andy swears he’s in open marriage but, somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re never sure if you can truly believe that. People will say anything to get what they want.

Your phone buzzes again while you’re at a stop light and the smile on your face quickly falls away when you see who it’s from.

Twin Flame: Please talk to me. I’m so fucking sorry and, if you could just hear me out, I really think we can work this out. Please, I miss you.

Y/N: Fuck off.

When you finally reach your destination, those damn butterflies appear all over again. You feel strange and you don’t know why. It’s not like you and Andy been physical (what feels like ) a million times before, so why does this have you so nervous?

You jump as your phone goes off, forcing you out of your thoughts.

“Where are you?” Andy asks as soon as you answer.

“In the parking lot.”

“Then why don’t I see you?”

“Where are you?” you chuckle, making your way to the entrance of the lavish hotel.

“In the lobby,” he responds and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

“You’re such a smart ass,” you scoff.

“And you’re slow. Get your gorgeous ass in here,” he chides before hanging up.

You quickly make your way inside and the moment Andy spots you, he makes his way over to you and kisses you deeply, clearly not caring about the lobby full of people.

“Andy,” you breathe softly with a small chuckle as you two break away “someone could see.”

“So what? Who cares?”

“You will when we’re done.”

Andy opens his mouth to say something, but stops short and chuckles instead. “Lets get to our room, huh?”

You don’t miss the way the older receptionist looks at you with pure disgust, and you can’t blame her. Andy is older and wearing a wedding ring, and you? Well, your outfit isn’t in the least bit modest, no wedding ring, and you don’t look old enough to be the wife who lost your ring.

“Is there a problem?” Andy asks, noticing how uncomfortable you are.

“No problem at all, Mr. Barber,” the woman quickly smiles as she hands him the room key.

“Leave her alone, Andy,” you mutter, knowing the he’ll have no issue with seeing to it that she gets fired.

Andy looks from you to the woman before nodding. “Thank you,” is all he says before taking your hand and walking off.

“What was that about?” you ask as soon as you two are in the elevator.

“I didn’t like how she was looking at you, and I didn’t like how uncomfortable you were.”

“Andy, it’s not like we’re a couple. There’s a wedding ring on your finger and there isn’t one on mine. I don’t blame her,” you shrug.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what? Telling the truth?”

“Sweetheart, we don’t say it, but we know this is more than just some arrangement at this point. What I decide to do with my time away from Laurie isn’t anyone’s concern. When I’m with you, you’re my main concern.”

“I’m sure you say that to all the girls,” you chuckle humorlessly.

“Let me fix that; no matter what I do with anyone else, you’re my main concern,” he corrects with a stern voice as his intense gaze softens on you.

“Andy-”

“You know you mean so much to me. Too much to me. Stop saying you’re some mistress, because we both know you aren’t,” he states as the elevator finally reaches the top floor.

“As long as you’re married-”

“Jacob graduates soon, and when he does, my marriage is over. That’s what Laurie wanted, so that’s what she’s getting.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I want nothing more.”

“Then what happens?”

“With what?”

“Oh, don’t play coy now,” you smirk as you two reach the hotel room.

“I’m not going to lie and say I’ll want a relationship, because I’m still not there. I honestly don’t know if I ever will be, but I know how I feel about you. I know that I won’t want to stop seeing you, and I hope you won’t want to stop seeing me,” he sighs as he leans against the door. “I know I’m a wreck, Y/N. I never told you I wasn’t, but you...there’s just something about you and I can’t let you go. I don’t want to. I like having you to myself, the way you look at me when you’re fighting the urge to kiss me, the way you roll your eyes when you’re fed up but trying to be polite. I like how loyal you are, how strong and independent you are, how generous you are, how feisty you are...I like you, Y/N. I like you a lot. I don’t do things like this. You see how I do things. I take what I want and I leave. I don’t care how anyone else feels as long as I get my way, but with you...God, I just wanna make you happy.”

“Why Andy? Why me?”

“I really wish I knew, Sweetheart,” he chuckles humorlessly “then maybe I could finally figure out how to be a better man and let you go. However,” he sighs softly leaning in close and wrapping an arm your waist “I’m just not there yet and I don’t want to let you go. If you want to stop right now, I’ll understand and we won’t go a step further,” he promises quietly and sincerely, his gaze burning a hole into your soul.

“Andy...”

“I didn’t think things would get this far, Y/N. I didn’t mean for things to and I didn’t want them to. You’re the smarter of the two of us, because you keep saying that we should stop, but the thought of any of those assholes other knowing you the way I do or touching you the way I do...I’m a selfish man, Y/N. You know that.”

“What do you want me to say?” you practically beg as your desire for every part of him grows.

His heart, his mind, his soul, his body...all of him.

“I want you to tell me the truth.”

“I don’t want you to quit me and I don’t want to quit you,” you confess mindlessly, too lost in his words and your feelings to guard your heart.

He forces you to face forward before pressing his card against the door, “then lets get lost in each other tonight. Tomorrow can worry about itself,” he promises before opening the door and leading you inside the suite.

You can’t stop the gasp that escapes your lips.

“Baby-”

“It’s your real first time and our first time together. I wanted it to be special,” he chuckles softly before kissing the shell of your ear.

“You didn’t have to do all of this,” you marvel as you look around the room.

They’re black and deep red rose petals scattered around the room, champagne and your favorite wine, small candles lighting up the room, and one of your favorite songs is playing on the little speaker set up in the corner for you.

“Andy...this must have cost-”

“Don’t worry about the cost. Besides, the hotel owner owes me a few favors.”

“How many people owe you favors, Andy?”

“Do you like the things I get you? The things I do for you?”

“Yes but-”

“Then don’t worry about it, Darlin’,” you whispers into your ear as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him. “Are you sure you want this?”

“No,” you chuckle softly, “but not being with you...not being with you completely...I don’t like it, Andy. I know that we’re not together, but I want as much of you as I can have. I know this is a bad idea, but I just...you make me happy. When you’re not being an asshole,” you laugh softly as he chuckles. “You make me so happy and I just wanna live in that happiness for a bit. None of this is ideal, or how I pictured it in my head a million times, but I’m with you. I’m with you and that’s all that matters.”

Andy starts to trail kisses down your neck to your shoulder and you’re embarrassed by how excited you are by the simple gesture. It’s not something he hasn’t done before, but everything feels different. You two have been more vulnerable and honest with each other in this moment than you have been the entire time you’ve been seeing each other.

“Andy...does this mean as much to you as it does to me?” You question desperately as you lull your head back onto his shoulder.

“Maybe more,” he husks as he unzips your skirt. “The way I feel for you...it terrifies me, Sweetheart,” he confesses as he slides his hand down your panties. “But I just can’t fucking quit you, because you’re so fucking perfect. Perfect for me,” he groans, starting to rub your clit.

“Andy,” you moan, your back arching a bit at the pleasure he’s making you feel.

“I want tonight to be perfect for you, because you’re always so fucking perfect for me. I just wanna make you happy, baby.”

He turns you around and kisses you deeply, as you get to work on getting the button and zipper on his pants open before forcing his pants down. He slowly walks you both over to the bed, never breaking the kiss, as his hands slide underneath your shirt and unhook your bra.

“Andy,” you moan as he trails kisses down to your shoulder again, “I need you, please.”

“Soon baby, I promise,” he moans, getting on his knees as you lift up your shirt. “Just wanna taste you a little bit more. The fucking sounds you make...fuck,” he groans, pulling your panties down. “I’m gonna make you feel so good tonight, baby.”

Andy’s tongue is on your clit before you have a chance to respond, and it makes you mindlessly numb. You use one hand to grip the bed as the other grips his hair. You can’t stop yourself from pulling him impossibly closer as you start to grind yourself against him, needing more of him as you always do.

“You’re so fucking good to me, baby, so fucking good,” you whimper as you feel yourself coming undone.

Andy slides two fingers into your aching cunt, and without even moving within you, it’s more than enough to send you over the edge. You can’t tell if it’s because you’ve been dreaming of having him to yourself just like this for the past month, or if it’s because you’re so excited to finally have him away from everyone and truly all to yourself. Your need for him is stronger than ever.

“Fuck, you’re so needy tonight, baby,” he huffs once he finishes cleaning you up.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t you fucking dare apologize, I fucking love it,” he smiles devilishly. “Get on the bed for me, Sweetheart,” he instructs, “get on the bed and take your shirt off,” he demands softly before removing his own.

As you settle into the center of the bed, the reality of what’s about to happen hits you hard. You’re very aware of how naked you are as Andy kisses up your body. Your brain is telling you to call it off and to run for the door.

“Hey, be here with me,” he coos softly as he cups your face in his hands. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to, so bad, I just...is this a bad idea?”

“Probably,” he chuckles humorlessly, “but I don’t care. I’m self destructive anyway. I just wanna be with you, Y/N. I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow and I don’t wanna think about it. All I know is that, right now, I have you to myself. There’s no pretending, no lying, you’re not working, and I’m not trying to forget about shit that still hurts. It’s just us, Sweetheart. If you don’t want to do this, I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m happy to just be here with you and hold you. I’m just happy just to have you to myself for a little while,” he states sincerely, his loving gaze cast on you.

You cup his face and pull him close before kissing him deeply. “Show me how happy you are to be with me, then,” you tell him softly once you two break away.

Andy dips down and kisses you again while slowly pushing himself inside of you. You hiss a little as you try to get used to his size. Yeah, he’s fucked you with toys that are almost his size, but none of them are exact.

Or real.

“Jesus,” he husks as he bottoms out, “you feel better than I ever imagined,” he moans as he starts to move within you slowly.

“Andy,” you moan softly as you start to move your hips with his, gipping him tight. “God, yes!”

“Shit, just like that baby. You’re so fucking good for me,” he praises as he starts to pick up his pace. Using one hand, he pushes himself up a little and gazes down at you, never breaking his stroke. “You’re so fucking beautiful, did you know that?”

“Baby please,” you whine, unable to handle the heat of his gaze and your excitement starting to build as you pull him close to you, needing to feel as much of him as possible. “I need to feel you!”

“I’ve thought about having you just like this for so long,” he grunts, his hand sliding between the both of you. “All mine, below me, and desperate,” he grunts he starts playing with your most sensitive bud. “Desperate for only me.”

“Fuck!”

“And I’m gonna give you everything you want,” he promises hotly against your ear before biting the shell of it.

“Andy...you’re so fucking good to me! Please, I’m so fucking close!”

As his pace quickens, he starts to bite and suck on the part of your neck that drives you insane, and you’re more than sure he plans on leaving a mark.

“Fuck!” you cry out, your nails digging into his back as you cum hard.

“There’s my good girl,” he smirks down at you before flipping you both so you’re on top. “I wanna watch you get yourself off on my cock.”

“Andy I-”

“I’ll guide you, baby. Don’t worry,” he encourages as he places his hands on your hips and gently starts to guide you. You bite your bottom lip, suppressing a moan as you place your hands on his chest and slowly start to grind your hips against his. “Fuck, just like that, Sweetheart,” he groans.

His gaze on you is intense and you feel like, just for a moment, you two are the only two in the world. You belong to one another, even if it’s only for a little while.

“Shit, you stretch me so fucking good, Andy!” you whimper as you start to pick up your pace.

“Yeah baby? You like the way I fuck this tight little pussy?”

“I fucking love the way you fuck me! I love the way you pull me apart for your own pleasure!”

“Jesus, Y/N! Keep it up and I’m gonna cum!” he warns with a deep growl as his hands travel your up your body, stopping at your breasts, starting to massage them.

“Fuck, that’s what I want, baby! Cum deep inside this pussy! I wanna feel you! Need it!”

“Shit!” he growls, kneading your nipples between his fingers. “The way this fucking cunt is squeezing me...shit!”

“Please baby!”

“Fuck!”

As his seed spills into you, his name leaves your lips like a silent prayer as you get lost in your euphoric pleasure. It’s not the first time Andy’s given you an orgasm, but it’s never been like this. Your whole body feels as if it’s been blown apart and put back together in the most pleasurable way. The fact that you don’t want the feeling to leave you has you terrified, because you’re now aware just how much you truly care for Andy.

“We’re...we’re done, right? This is all you wanted from me?” you question, the words breaking your own heart as you look down and meet his gaze.

You seen the pain in his eyes for a split second before he masks it and a sly smirk comes to his face. “Oh Sweetheart, we’re just getting started.”

Andy fucks you in every part of the hotel room he can, only stopping when you tell him that you need to get home. He’s reluctant to let you go, but he quietly watches you get dressed as he drinks a glass of wine while laying in bed.

You go to leave before turning to face him. Against your better judgment, you walk over to him and kiss him deeply. When you takes your face in his hands he runs his fingers through your hair. For a split moment, you contemplate staying.

But you know that’ll make everything that much more worse and complicated.

“Thank you for tonight. Everything was perfect,” you breathe against his lips as you two break apart.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know baby, but we both know I have to. For multiple reasons.”

“We can meet here on Tuesday.”

“Andy-”

“It’s not like you want anyone knowing that you’re not a virgin anymore, and I don’t want to share you with those other assholes.”

“I share you with half the club.”

“Y/N-”

“See, this is why I need to go. Tonight was perfect and lets just leave it at that.”

“Don’t leave mad.”

“I’m not mad, Andy. I’m just back in touch with reality. I’ve gotta go, babe,” you sigh before kissing his lips and walking away.

The entire drive back to your house, you’re at war with yourself over the choice you made. Andy isn’t yours and you’re more than sure that he’ll never be. However, you can’t find yourself regretting the choice you’ve made because you were with Andy, and despite everything, there’s no one else you trust more.

“You seem to be coming home later these days,” your mother coughs as walk into the living area.

“Work is something else, what can I say?” you sigh, sitting down beside her bed.

“That or you finally met someone,” she smiles softly.

“I met someone I can never be with, so please don’t get excited,” you scoff.

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“My brain may not work as well as it used to, but it’s still got some juice.”

“Don’t worry about it, mom. I’ll get over it.”

“Listen, you and I both know I don’t have much time left-”

“Mom-”

“Just listen to me, babygirl. We both know I don’t have much time left and I just don’t want you to be alone. Mary came by today and told me you two had a falling out that was her fault. You won’t talk to your sister or father and now you’re falling for a guy. I just want you to be okay when I’m gone. I know you’re strong and can make it on your own, but that doesn’t mean you have to be,” she says softly.

“Lets just watch the movie, Ma,” you smile as a single tear escapes from your eye. “This is the best part.”

As you both slowly fall asleep, your brain is at war with your heart. Andy means more to you than you ever wanted him to, and you find little solace in the fact that he feels the same. He can get rid of you at any time and then what? Why did you let it get this far?

As these thoughts and more run through your head, you fall asleep hoping that there may be a silver lining for you somewhere...and that it’ll show itself soon.

Andy’s P.OV.

“Who is she?!” Laurie yells for what feels like the hundredth time, as she follows me into the bedroom.

“She’s someone who is none of your concern. Why were you going through my phone?”

“It kept going off!”

“That doesn’t explain why you went through it, Laurie.”

“I went to answer it and when I grabbed it, it stopping ringing. I saw the name ‘Angel’ in your texts and I got curious-”

“So decided to make yourself upset and go through my shit and now you’re mad at me? Mad at me for doing the same thing you’re doing?”

“Is she where all of the money is going?”

“Lower your voice, Jacob is home,” I warn as I take off my tie. “I don’t owe you an explanation, Laurie. This is the set up you wanted and in 2 months, we won’t even be married. So drop it.”

“No! I’ve been trying for months to try and fix the mess I made-”

“Exactly! The mess you made! What did I do when I found in bed with James? I fucking tried to make it work! I loved you! I loved you and I took responsibility for everything that happened, and you didn’t want me! You didn’t want our life anymore! Now, you’re getting what you want and you’re still not happy!”

“I thought this is what I wanted! I fucked up, Andy and I’m sorry!”

“You know what makes this all that much worse? This woman that you find yourself hating, for absolutely no reason, is fucking amazing! She’s amazing and I want to love her and commit, but I fucking can’t because of you!”

“Doesn’t that mean there’s still a chance for us?”

“You’re not understanding me!” I snap, no longer giving a damn that Jacob can hear us and finally hear about whats been going on for the last few years. “It’s not because I still love you, it’s because you fucking ruined me! Jesus, do you think of anyone but yourself? Honestly, do you even care that you fucking crushed my heart?”

“Andy, if you could just-”

“I need to go for a drive,” I huff, pulling out of her hold.

“Please just stay and talk to me.”

“I can’t Laurie. Not right now. I just fucking can’t,” I sigh before slamming the door shut and walking out.

“Is everything alright?” Jacob asks as soon as I reach the landing.

“No, no they aren’t. In fact, they’re far from all right.”

“Dad, what’s-”

“We’ll talk about it when I get back,” I mutter as I hear Laurie starting to cry.

“Dad...is this my fault? Did I-”

“You did nothing wrong,” I smile sincerely before pulling him in for a tight hug, “things just change. People change.”

“Are you coming home early tonight?”

“I’ll back in a couple hours, bud. We can watch a movie or play chess. I still have to kick your ass from the last time,” I chuckle softly and Jacob laughs too. “No matter what, everything’s gonna be fine, okay? I don’t want you worrying about us when you’re so close to finally getting out of this hell hole.”

“Dad are you-”

“Everything’s fine. Don’t worry,” I promise as I clear my throat, taking a look at the grown man that once used to beg Laurie and I to stay up with him for 5 more minutes to watch cartoons.

Things really do change.

“I’ll be back in a little, bud,” I smile before patting his shoulder and walking out.

The minute I get in my car I pull out my phone and text you because, if I’m being honest with myself, you’re the reason for my outburst. It’s been two weeks since we fucked and you refuse to meet at the hotel. It’s not like I can say you’re in the wrong, because we did fuck up.

I fucked up.

I knew better than to give in to what I want, but everything about is all consuming. It’s not even just the sex. For a moment in time, we can pretend. We can pretend and it’s just us. You make every part of me come to life, and if I could, I’d spend every moment of ever day with you.

It’s never lost on me that I wouldn’t have even met you if you didn’t want to take care of your mother. Who the fuck does that? Who the hell is that selfless?

Andy: Is there any way that I can see you tonight?

Angel: Andy, it’s Saturday. You know I can’t.

Andy: Well when?

Angel: You see me Tuesday-Friday.

Andy: Is there no way you can see me tonight? Even for just five minutes?

Angel: Baby, what’s wrong?

Andy: What isn’t wrong.

Angel: Andy.

Andy: Laurie went through my phone.

Angel: Fuck.

Andy: Yeah, she’s pretty pissed and it led to a big argument. I said some things...I said them out of anger I shouldn’t have. I just need to see you.

Angel: Things aren’t going well today. I can give you 10 minutes at most.

Andy: That’s more than enough time.

Angel: Meet me by the water front?

Andy: I’ll see you there

Here I go again, asking too much of you, and here you are not making a fuss. Why can’t I just let go? Why can’t I just give myself to you, the way you deserve? It’s not like I don’t think about it every second of every day. I can barely even fuck the other girls, because I know it hurts you, even without you saying anything.

It’s not fair of me to ask you to only be with me while I fuck away my feelings, but I just can’t bear the thought of you being with someone else. I see it every time you look at me. The things you want to say but won’t, the longing, the hate, the passion, the begging, the desire, the pain...I see all of it.

I see all of it because I feel all of the same things. I feel it all and it makes me feel like shit.

So what do I do? I offer you all of the things you could care less about, because it’s easier to do that than give you my heart and soul. It’s easier to guard myself than to try again.

If your Mother wasn’t sick, you wouldn’t care about money. You don’t care about jewelry, you don’t care about flowers, and you don’t care about sweet nothings because it’s hard for you to believe what anyone says.

However, all of it is coming from me. The sweet words, the flowers, the jewelry...if it wasn’t from me, it wouldn’t matter at all to you. You tell me all the time about how I have nothing to worry about because none of the guys who try to buy attention have anything to offer, but I know it’s different with me. It’s not-

“What happened?” you ask as you tap on the driver’s window.

It takes me a split second before opening the door, pulling you in and onto my lap, and closing it again. “Why can’t we just live together?”

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“She knows and I can’t just make her leave, no much how I want her to.”

“I thought you were going to give her the house.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I sigh, resting my head in your shoulder as you adjust yourself on my lap. “Why can’t we just stay this way forever?” I sigh before kissing your neck. “Lets just leave right now-”

“Please don’t, Andy,” you moan, your grip on my thigh tightening a little.

God, I love the things you do to me.

“Lets meet at the hotel on Tuesday,” I press, kissing down your neck as my hand travels between your leg. “I need you.”

“Andy-”

“Sweetheart...I know. I know and I’m sorry, but I need you. Every part of you and I need you to myself.”

“Will it make you happy?” you ask innocently as your hand caresses my arm.

Why do I have to be such an asshole? “Anytime I get to spend with you makes me happy, Sweetheart. You know this.”

“I know, but will it make you feel better?”

“Only if you want to.”

“You know it’s not a matter of me not wanting to,” you sigh and the heaviness in your tone matches the heaviness in my heart. “It’s because we are what we are.”

“Yeah, that’s my fault too. Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry,” I grumble into your shoulder.

I really wish I could tell you just how much I care for you. Care about you. I want to make you the center of my universe and take care of you until my last breath leaves my body.

I wanna tell you that I love you and that I always will.

But I can’t.

“Don’t apologize because it’s not like I’m any better. I’m still here, aren’t I? I’m still desperate to make you happy. I’m just as dumb as you are. I have to go though, baby.”

“It’s been 10 minutes already?”

“It’s been 15,” you scoff. “I’ll meet you at the hotel on Tuesday, okay?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah baby, I gotta go,” you sigh before kissing me.

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I pull you closer and deepen it, not ready to let you go yet.

It’s never been lost on me just how truly selfish I am.

For just a moment, you let me explore you as we both get lost it each other. Just like we always do. Once I start tugging at the hem of your shorts, you force yourself to break away, and it’s just as painful as when you leave me.

“Tuesday baby, I gotta go,” you breathe, your grip on me still tight as you try and calm down.

“Please wear these shorts.”

“I promise I will,” you chuckle softly before kissing my cheek one final time and opening the car door and getting out.

As I watch you start your car and drive away, i can’t help but try and think of the last time I was ever this excited to see someone and make plans to see them again, but not a single time comes to mind.

What are you doing to me?

**

“Fuck! Andy! Just like that, please don’t stop!” you moan as Andy fucks you senseless from behind.

The moment you walked through the door, Andy was all over you. It caught you off guard, because you’re never sure of his feelings for you. Sure, you believe he cares about you to an extent, but it’s still an arrangement. He pays you, he fucks you, then goes home to his wife. It would be easier to believe some of the things he says if things felt like they were changing even a little. You wanna let yourself fall for him, but he’s just too much of a risk.

Yet, here you are on your hands and knees for the man you can’t get out of your head, or heart.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl for me, baby! You take me so well,” he grunts, his grip on your hips getting tighter. “I missed you so much, baby! Missed the way you explode for me, the sounds you make, this tight little cunt...I missed everything about you!”

“Jesus, that’s it!” you cry out as he finds the spot deep within you that makes you come undone for him. “I missed you too, Andy! So much!” you confess, the pleasure once again becoming mind numbing and you forget to keep your guard up. “Thought about nothing but being with you tonight since the last time I saw you!”

“Yeah? You love seeing me, Angel?” he taunts as one of his hands travels down between your legs and starts to teasingly rub your swollen clit.

“Ye-yes, Andy! Fuck! I’m so fucking close, baby! Please...shit!”

“I love the way you come apart for me,” he husks as his movements start to become erratic and you know he’s close. “Fuck, I love you, Y/N!” he accidentally confesses as he spills his seed into you.

You don’t even have time to think on it, because his release sets off your own, while mindlessly clawing at the bed, trying to keep yourself upright. That’s the third earth shattering orgasm hes given you, and you’re not about to complain about it.

You want nothing more than to focus on all the pleasure you’re feeling, but you can’t because he said it.

He said it and you’re not sure what to think at all.

“Sweetheart,” Andy grunts as he pulls out of you and pulls you out of your thoughts “say something.”

“W-why...why did you say that?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking-”

“Andy, why would you say that? What is wrong with you?”

“Baby, if you just let me-”

“Is this a game to you? Why would you say something you don’t mean? You can’t mean?

“Y/N, please just listen to me. I just-” he starts but is interrupted by your phone ringing for the millionth time.

“Fuck,” you sigh, crawling over to the nightstand and grabbing it. “Hello?”

“I need you to come home,” Gloria, your mother’s nurse, states frantically.

“What happened? Is she okay?” you ask, slowly starting to panic yourself as you start to get dressed.

“She just keeps crying and screaming for you to come home. I can’t calm her down.”

“I’ll be there in 20,” you promise before hanging up.

“What’s wrong? How can I help?”

“I just need to get home, now. I can’t...I have to go,” you sob as you finish getting dressed.

“Sweetheart, please just-”

“You can’t call me that anymore, Andy. I can’t talk about this right now...there’s just too much...I gotta go,” you explain before practically running out.

The entire time you’re driving home, you try to put everything that happened with Andy out of your mind, because you can’t deal with that and with whatever is going on with your mother at the same time. By the time you get home, you’re mother is in full on hysterics and it takes both you and Gloria the rest of the night to calm her down. By the time you two calm her down and get her to sleep, you can tell her energy is all but gone from the episode.

“I think you should spend the next few days home, Honey,” Gloria states solemnly as you two stand in the doorway.

“Yeah...I think so too,” you sob softly.

“She just wants your company. We all know it won’t be long now and I think she’s just scared. She’s scared to leave you.”

“I’m scared for her to leave me,” you cry softly.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Gloria whispers as she wraps you in a tight hug “just make the best of the next few days.”

So, you do just that. You ask your sister and father to come over (at your Mother’s request), but stay in your room the entire time they’re there. You called Samantha and let her know that you’re taking the next few weeks off, and all she does is offer apologies about everything. Lindsey and Allison come by later in the week to spend time with you and your Mother, and you can’t remember the last time you saw her smile and laugh so much.

Andy keeps texting you and can’t find the energy or courage to respond. It’s been three days since the ‘I love you’ incident, and while you feel bad about ignoring him, you’re heart just can’t handle having that talk at the moment.

You can’t handle him telling you that it was an accident and he didn’t mean it.

However, you don’t find yourself all that surprised when he shows up at your doorstep on Saturday.

“How did you even find my house?” you ask softly, stepping outside and leaving the door cracked.

“Samantha,” he says simply and you know he isn’t proud of himself.

“Andy, I can’t do this right now. You can’t be here.”

“I know you have a lot going on, but the way you left that night...I never wanted to hurt or make you upset. You deserve-”

“Andy, I really can’t handle this right now. I need some time and I’ll text you in a few-”

“Sweet Pea, who���s at the door?” your Mother calls weakly from the living area.

“It’s no one, Ma.”

“If it were no one you wouldn’t be out there so long,” she teases with a small laugh. “Let them in, maybe they can help us solve the mystery to the end of ‘Grease.”

“He really can’t-”

“He? Oh, now you’ve gotta let him in!”

“Fucking great,” you mutter stepping aside. “c’mon in.”

“I don’t want to make things worse.”

“Yeah, it’s a little too late for that,” you smile sarcastically.

You don’t miss the gasp that escapes your Mother’s lips when Andy walks in, charming smile on his face. “Andy Barber, I didn’t know you knew my daughter!” she beams and you can’t help but chuckle.

Even on her deathbed, your Mother is still the most adorable proud Mother in the world.

“I met her in the grocery store one night, I shop when I can’t sleep, and we just hit it off. She’s been a really good friend to me ever since,” he smiles sincerely at your Mother and it’s hard for you not to smile at her genuine happiness.

If only you could tell her the truth.

“Well, Mr. Barber, if you-”

“Please call me Andy.”

“Andy, if you have time, I’d really like for you to join us. Besides, I’m sure Y/N could use more other company than me.”

“Ma,” you groan as Andy laughs softly.

“I’d love to spend some time with the both of you,” he smiles sheepishly at the both of you.

You hate the little flutter that happens in your heart.

“Are you sure no one will mind me trapping you here with us?” your Mother questions, and you chuckle as you shake your head, knowing what she’s getting at.

“Nah, Jacob is off with his girlfriend then staying over a friend’s house,” he scoffs.

“And your wife?” she questions, eyeing the gold band on his ring finger.

“That’s uh,” he answers awkwardly, shifting his weight to his other foot “that’s over with. This is just for show until the end of next month,” he finishes softly, before looking at you with all sincerity.

“Then, by all means, make yourself comfortable,” your Mother grins looking from you to him.

“Does anyone want anything to drink?” you question, raising an eyebrow as you kick your slippers off.

“Can I have more ice chips?” your Mother questions with a slight cough.

“You can have the moon, as well as an answer to your life’s greatest mystery,” you smile at her, gaining a small laugh. “Andy?”

“Water?”

“You seem like a bourbon guy,” your Mother states, waiving off his request for a water. “We still have bourbon, right?”

“That we do,” you laugh.

“Get him a bourbon, me some ice chips, and you some wine.”

“Ma, I don’t need-”

“Trust me, I know you don’t need it, but I know you want it. You don’t have to drink water and juice all day because I can’t have it.”

“You sure?”

“I have a feeling that one of us is gonna need to be buzzed in order to solve this case,” she smirks at you as you giggle.

“Three drinks comin’ right up,” you nod before escaping into the kitchen to make them.

You can’t remember the last time you worked so fast to get two simple drinks together, and a cup of fucking ice, but you don’t want either of them alone together for too long cause who knows what they’ll say to one another. You’re all set to bring the drinks in when your phone goes off.

“Hello?” you answer without even checking to see who it is.

“Hey Baby Doll,” your Father says softly and you can feel your heart rate speed up. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

“No, not really. What do you want?”

“I uh...I um...I wanna see you for lunch next week, Kiddo,” he beams excitedly. “I know you don’t wanna have anything to do with me, which is more than understandable, but I was hoping-”

“I really can’t have this talk right now. Mom and I have company over, so I gotta go,” you say abruptly before ending the call.

You take a deep breath and take step back, doing your best to mask all signs of irritation and frustration, before clearing your throat and starting back on your short trek to the living area, only to find them laughing about something that clearly has nothing to do with the movie.

What’s so damn funny?

“Hey, that took longer than I expected,” your smiles at you with a small cough “everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just got an unexpected call,” you shrug, passing the two of them their requested drinks. “What’s so funny?”

“You,” she muses.

“Me?”

“You really used to think that carat and carrot were the same thing?” Andy laughs in pure disbelief.

“I was 6! How was I supposed to know?!” you defend, laughing yourself as you take a seat on the sofa.

“She would come in and hold up a bag of carrots and say ‘Mommy, you never have to work again! We can turn these into rings and be rich!’ , and I never had the heart to tell her,” your Mother laughs.

“Sweetheart, how did you think you’d turn the carrots into diamond rings?” Andy chuckles, trying to calm his laughing.

“She was the adult, so I figured she’d know what to do!”

“And when she wasn’t able to make them into diamond rings”

“I just thought I got bad carrots,” you shrug with a giggle as Andy laughs harder.

“Oh Baby...no,”  he sighs, catching his breath finally.

“I don’t see how this helps us solve our ‘Grease’ issue,” you mumble as a smile plays on your lips.

When you press play, your Mother and Andy quickly fall into conversation, and you let yourself almost forget who Andy really is to you at the end of the day. It’s almost easy to forget what the arrangement you two have is. It only feels so right because, in the back of your mind, it is.

If this had been any other life, or any other time, maybe you and Andy would have a fighting chance. You’d be able to introduce him as your complicated boyfriend, and your Mother would have more time to adjust to the idea. You would have more time to adjust to the idea. However, the situation is what it is, and can only enjoy what’s left of it.

No matter how much it breaks your heart.

“I genuinely think the car us able to fly away because the woman says that ‘if the car were any better condition, it would fly’. Since Danny and Sandra decided that they’re meant to be, the car has everything it needs. Oil, a good muffler, a great engine, quality breaks, and true love. True love is what put it in the best condition,” Andy shrugs before finishing off his 4th drink.

“Ya know what? That’s not a bad way to think about it. Sweet Pea, we have an answer! I can die happy,” your Mother chuckles as you roll your eyes.

“Simmer down you,” you warn, giving her a smirk. “What do you wanna watch next?”

“Oh, what’s that movie you used to love as a kid? That Disney movie.”

“Mommy....no.”

“Oh, what was it? You used to make me watch it with you every weekend! You broke the damn tape!”

“Mom!” you beg as you hear Andy start to chuckle. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“I’ve got nothin’ but time today, Sweetheart,” he smirks at you.

“The Little Mermaid!”

“Mom...please don’t do this to me,” you whine as Andy bursts out laughing. “I’ll do anything, just please...no!”

“I haven’t seen it in so long! Lets watch it!”

“Yes, I think we should,” Andy agreed once he caught his breath.

“Oh no you don’t,” you quickly correct, turning to face him. “If you’re gonna stay here and watch the little bit dignity I have left quickly fall away, you’re getting us food.”

“I’ll happily get you food if it means I get to watch you sing Disney songs.”

“I will not be singing along!”

“Oh yes you will,” your Mother giggles.

“The two of you together is no good,” you snip at her sarcastically and she laughs.

“You want the usual?” Andy asks, taking out his phone.

“Yes please. Oh! Ask them for chopsticks please!” you beg as Andy smirks and shakes his head.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Eh, I’m not supposed to, but I’ll have an egg roll,” your Mother shrugs as you cut her a look. “What? I’m gonna die either way. I may as well eat what I want.”

“You’re very annoying, did you know that?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t ever wanna be any other way,” she teases.

“I’ll go and place the order,” Andy smiles before exiting the room.

“Your usual, huh?” your Mother smirks knowingly.

“Don’t start.”

“Hes been calling you ‘sweetheart’ and ‘baby’ since he got here.”

“That’s just how Andy talks.”

“He hasn’t called me either of those.”

“Yeah well, that’s your old.”

“I’m not that old!”

“You’re the oldest person in here,” you tease as she lets out a hearty laugh. “We’re just friends, Ma. No more and no less.”

“A mother knows, ya know.”

“There can never be anything. He’s in his own shit and I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

“I don’t know anything about him except what comes on the TV, so I’m not gonna make a judgment, but I do see how he looks at you. How you look at him. There’s definitely something there and maybe, with time, it could be something more.”

“If only,” you smile softly, holding back your tears.

“Alright, the food has been ordered, please play ‘The Little Mermaid’,” Andy beams as he quickly makes his way back inside.

You do nothing but shake your head and look for the movie on the streaming service you always use, while your Mother starts laughing.

As she predicted, you’re singing along as soon as the first song starts playing. You hear your Mother and Andy laughing softly, but you don’t care. You can’t remember the last time you felt so safe and happy, and you feel extremely happy that you get to experience the feeling with both your Mother and Andy.

You want to live in the moment forever.

You’re barely 15 minutes into the movie before there’s a knock on the door.

“That was quick,” you say, checking your phone for the time. “I’ll get it!” you volunteer before getting up and sprinting to the door. “I think that’s the fastest we’ve ever...oh,” you say flatly when you see the person on the side of the door is Mary. “Whatever you have to say, I can’t hear right now.”

“Y/N, please, if you would just hear me out-”

“There’s literally nothing to hear. There’s nothing you can say.”

“There’s so much to say! Just give me five minutes, please!”

“No! I have nothing to say to you and I don’t want to hear anything you have to say!”

“Y/N, we’ve gotten through so many other-”

“Not like this, Mary. I don’t care how drunk you were, you fucking knew what something like that would to me. How much it would hurt me and you still decided to hurt me. I didn’t deserve that, especially from you,” you spit, your eyes watering. “Whatever you have to say, I’m not ready to hear it and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to. You don’t get to force your friendship on me because you’re lonely.”

“I’m not...I just want-”

“Hey babe, is everything...oh,” Andy stops short seeing Mary at your doorstep.

“So you two are-”

“We’re just-”

“Whatever we are or aren’t isn’t any concern of yours,” Andy interrupts harshly. “You need to leave.”

“You can’t tell me-”

“I can and I just did. She doesn’t need this right now and you’ve done enough.”

Mary looks from him to you before shaking her head and practically running off.

“Are you okay?” Andy sighs as you close the door.

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Sweetheart-”

“She’s having a really good day, Andy. That’s all I can focus on right now,” you state softly, looking up at him.

Andy dips down and kisses you softly as he wraps his arms around you. “I’ll answer the door next time, okay?” All you do is nod before laying your head on his chest. “Lets get back in there.”

“Just a few more minutes.”

“That’s fine too.”

You don’t care that you’re upset with Andy or completely confused by his words and actions. In this moment, it just matters that he’s here and he’s comforting you. Out of all the ways that he could’ve chosen to spend his day, he’s choosing to spend it with you and your Mother. He’s choosing to stay and make both your Mother and you happy, instead of going out and doing whatever he wants.

Andy chooses you.

You both stay there for a few more minutes before going back into the living area. You assure your Mother that every thing is fine before pressing ‘play’ on the remote, resuming the scene where she starts singing ‘Part Of Your World’. When the food finally does arrive, Andy is true to his word and answers the door.

As the night goes on, your Mother drifts in and out of sleep as the final movie of the night (Alice in Wonderland) starts playing.

“Are you okay, Mom? Do you need anything?” you ask, noticing her nod off for the 10th time.

“I’m fine, Sweet Pea. Just tired,” she smiles at you weakly. “Wanna do pancakes in the morning?”

“Mmm, I think tomorrow is gonna be more of a waffle day.”

“Pancakes are better and I’m tired of you pretending they aren’t.”

“One day you’ll know peace and I’ll be proud of you.”

“You’re such a little shit,” she laughs. “Give me a kiss goodnight.”

“So damn needy,” you tease before getting up and giving her a kiss on the cheek and the tightest hug you can muster without hurting her.

“I could stay in your hugs forever,” she murmurs, and you hear the strain in her voice.

“I think you should.”

“Don’t start that. I love you.”

“I love you, Mommy.”

“Sleep tight and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“I’ll do my best.”

You give her one more kiss and she kisses your cheek softly before letting go of you. You make your way back into your favorite spot on the sofa. You cuddle up close to Andy as he presses play on the remote and resumes the movie. You wait until you hear her soft snores before you settle in closer next to him.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly as he wraps his arms around you.

“Andy, now isn’t-”

“We don’t have to talk about it, I just want you to know...I am sorry. I didn’t mean or want to make you upset, and I never meant to make your life more complicated. I just...I’m sorry.”

“Did you mean it?” you ask softly, terrified of hearing him say ‘no’.

“I don’t know,” he sighs, making no attempt to hide the pain in his voice. “I want to. I truly want to, because at this point, I’m convinced you’re the only one for me, but...I’m still damaged goods, Y/N. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with you, but I know I’m happy. I’m so damn happy when I’m with you, and it just...I went too far and I know that. I’m sorry,” he sighs, pulling you closer and placing a soft kiss into your hair.

You’re thoughtful before you speak. “Don’t say it again. Don’t say it unless you mean it, because I can’t handle something else breaking my heart. I can’t handle you breaking my heart.”

“Do you love me?”

“That’s not fair and you know it. I didn’t say it, you did.”

“I know, but we both need to know how deep we’re both in this. That’s only fair.”

“Some days I think I do and other days...”

“Other days...?”

“I really fucking hate you, Andy. I hate you for complicating things, I hate you for choosing me. I hate you because my friendship with Mary is destroyed, I hate you for still being married, even if it is only temporary...I fucking hate you the most for making me care so much. When we started this, it was so simple, but we both wanted more and neither of us were smart enough to walk away.”

“You were.”

“I was smart enough to suggest it, but I never actually did. That’s why you’re here now. We’re here now.”

“I won’t say it again, Sweetheart. I won’t say it unless I’m ready to commit. I promise,” he says sweetly before checking his watch. “I need to get going.”

“Stay...unless you have something you need to do or someone you need to see.”

“I’m as free as a bird, Baby.”

“Then stay. She likes you, a lot, so stay. She’ll be happy to see you in the morning.”

“Anything to see you both happy,” he encourages before placing another kiss into your hair.

You both lay down and he pulls close, taking in your scent and warmth, while you just take in the comfort of him being there. Him holding you, kissing you every few seconds, and cuddling you close are some of your favorite things.

It’s heaven.

In no time at all, you both are drifting off to sleep to the infamous ‘A Very Merry Unbirthday’ scene.

You’re not sure how long you’re asleep before Andy gently wakes you. The tone in his voice has your heart breaking instantly.

“Baby...she’s-”

“Don’t. Don’t fucking say it, please,” you sob, unable to look at your Mother in her hospice bed. “She’s not, Andy. She’s just sleeping hard.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he says solemnly wrapping you in a hug.

“You can’t be sure-”

“I checked, baby. She’s gone.”

You’re unable to do anything except cry, so Andy takes it upon himself to call everyone who needs to be called. When they come to take your Mother away, you’re even worse off.

“It’s gonna be okay, Sweetheart. I’m here,” Andy coos gently as strokes your back.

As the days go by, they all seem to blur. You pay attention to nothing and you care about almost nothing. For the most part, you’re just numb, going through the motions. Andy is with you for as much as he can be, and when he can’t, he won’t leave your side until Allison or Lindsey show up. You hear the arguments with Laurie and you truly feel bad because you know you’re the reason for them. However, you can’t bring yourself to tell him he doesn’t need to stay. You won’t bring yourself to that point.

When it’s late, and you allow yourself to be honest with only yourself, you know that Andy is the only reason you haven’t gone completely off the rails. It’s not lost on you that you really do love the man, but it’s also not lost on you that life is a bitch.

By the time the funeral comes, you’re not even sure what day it is.

“You gotta get up, Sweetheart,” Andy tells you as he leans against the door frame to your room.

“What time is it?”

“7am.”

“I can stay in bed a little longer,” you mumble, turning over as he sighs.

“Baby, after this-”

“After this, I have to deal with her not being in my life anymore.”

“She’s always here, just not physically. As long as you keep her in your heart and mind, she’s always with you,” he tells you softly as he lays down next to you.

“I don’t want to go, Andy.”

“I know you don’t, Baby, but you know it would make her happy.”

“I just want her back. I tried so hard and worked so hard...” you trail off as you start to sob,

“I know, Sweetheart. I know. We just gotta get through today and we’ll figure the rest out.”

“You have to get home.”

“I’m here for as long as you need me.”

“I hear the arguments, Andy. I know she’s furious and I know-”

“She’s furious because she’s coming to terms with the reality that she’s set. That has nothing to do with me and she’ll figure it out on her own.”

“Andy-”

“With the exception of Jacob’s graduation, I’m here for as much and as often as you want me.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’m putting this place on the market.”

“And where are you gonna go?”

“I don’t know. A fucking box on the corner.”

“You’re insane if you think I’m gonna let you be homeless.”

“I just don’t care. I don’t care about anything.”

“Let me take care of you, Sweetheart. It’ll be your place, your name will be on the papers and everything. I’ll just pay for it until you’re on your feet and we’ll go from there.”

“Andy-”

“It’ll be your place, Sweetheart. I just wanna help. I care about you and don’t want to see you struggle, especially after all you’ve been through. So, what do you say?”

In this moment, you’re truly faced with a decision you’re not ready for. Do you follow your heart and trust Andy, or do you keep your guard up and tough it out alone? When you turn over and look at him, his eyes hold all of the promises you’ve been longing for; but it only tugs at your heart because it doesn’t know if you can trust it fully and completely anymore.

Do you choose love or sensibility?

~~

Taglist: @fuckingbye, @maroonsunrise83, @whxre4cevans, @sweetflowerdreams

#andy barber #Andy Barber smut #andy barber fic #andy barber x reader #andy barber x you #Defending Jacob #defending jacob fanfic #defending jacob smut #defending jacob fanfiction #defending jacob one shot #Andy Barber x Reader #andy barber x y/n #Dark! Andy Barber #Smut #fan fic smut #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #Story Time #Lawyer Andy Barber

[zilabee]

- OH GOD Paul surrounded by adoring men at the piano. The shiny love of it. I watched it five times, putting off everything that comes after. Paul Bond is glowing out of his fucking skin, and how is he even meant to cope with Paul McCartney looking at him, and telling him things and his hands and his hair. Fuck. Is this the bit that made David Hepworth wax lyrical about Paul's hair? I feel like it is, because I feel like all men watched this bit and wriggled helplessly the way Glyn Johns does when Paul plays and sings right at him, forcing him out of his moodiness and into love. Fucking hell Paul. It is insane that nobody is screaming at him. When Ringo said he would just watch an hour of Paul playing the piano... honestly 12 hours straight.

- When Paul Bond smiles and nods and looks genuinely like he is going to f l o a t away, and he says 'Yeah, sure', but his voice means ''oh god look at you, I love you, anything you say is fine, please don't notice that I'm hard".

- Glyn Johns not at all sure he can manage another day of sitting about with angsty Beatles. I bet he's been sobbing to George Martin overnight, begging not to go.

- The great thing about a piano is there it all is, there's all the music ever, that's it, you know?

Tiny Kevin!

- Paul deciding they should write a script and make a film, and I know he's just filling time, but oh god inside his head must be a ride. "We're in a band who peddle drugs." I love that Ringo is going to be the kindly schoolteacher who inspires Glyn to lead a better life.

- Ringo wants to do a silent film sped up. We could have had a benny hill beatle chase through twickenham, everyone running from MLH who's trying to herd them onto a plane for africa.

- It's the first thing you ever said to me. At Chiswick Park, years ago, we did something. You said what kind of a tree is that, and I said it's a Yew, and you said no it's not, it's a Me.

- And then another fabrication of a conversation, cut into the wrong times, with all the wrong rhythm, and unreliable reactions. But even without that it's an awful dragging thing, too forced and tired, suffocating them, pulling them down even while they try to make fun.

- Peter Sellers shows up and then quickly shows himself out, because he doesn't want to be part of whatever weird thing it is.

John: We'll hold some sanctions against George. Very tightly. Paul: Wheat- John: Yes Paul: And coal. John: Wheat and coal. Bread loaves. Meat. Biscuits. Cardboard cutouts.

- How beautiful if they'd just gone to a quiet surreal war with him. MLH wouldn't have had the necessary imagination to turn it into a lovely odd little film, but maybe Denis O'Dell might have called someone.

- Honestly I just find the whole conversation hard to look at and I don't want to think about it. I know lots of it is joking around, some of it should be just fine, but there's no life in it. It's exhausted. It's physically painful watching Paul having to be still and surrounded by people who are sick from drugs and drink and stagnation. I don't know how he wasn't tearing his face off. They need to open all the windows and drink a lot of water.

(If I'm overreacting here it's because I find it so hard to be near people who are in that space, all muted and stagnant. I can't deal with it at all. It makes me claustrophobic in my own skin. I can feel it wrapping around my brain, pulling me down. Somehow John's constant chatter and joking makes it worse not better.)

Paul: To wander aimlessly is very unswinging. Unhip. John: When I touch you, I feel happy inside. I can’t hide, I can’t hide... Ask me why, I’ll say I love you. Paul: What we need is a schedule. John: A garden shed-ule.

- LSKDJfoijweojsdflsdf. Everything about how they talk to each other. SHWSdjfjkwjefuisjdfsdf. No words. (I mean, it's not like Paul wouldn't love a garden shed! Almost as good for him as a schedule probably. They could just get a little one and put it in the corner for him.)

- John stroking his hair when he's talking about how he's late because he stayed up getting stoned and high and watching films. He's so soft with his words about it being wrong to get in late, and it's awful because it's meaningless and they both know it.

- So much of John being kind and tender with Paul through Get Back is meaningless and they both know it, and that itself is this soft close thing between them.

- And then eventually getting up, taking his coat, and having to pull Paul towards the music. "I'll even sing you half a song I was writing, come on." Luring Paul to work with the promise of a new song, like holding out a treat to the dog. It's a lovely softness. I think in real life it comes sooner after Paul's 'we can't carry on like this', as though John does notice then that he's half killing him by being blurred and not quite there, and pulls himself up.

Well there's a madman a-coming, gonna do you no harm, he's wearing pink pyjamas and he lives on a farm, he's gonna get you, got to get to somewhere to be alone [...] Fifteen raw potatoes standing all in a row, don't you try to count them, you just got it to go, you've got to get somewhere to be so glad to be on your own, and nowhere to go, nowhere to go, because you're going alone, nowhere to go because you're feeling alone, feeling alone, go home...

- Is it the little rock and roller he was hoping to write on Sunday? It's about feeling alone and having nowhere to go which is fine. Paul sits turned away from John and curled deep in his music which is also fine. Everything's fine. So that's good.

#get back #get back january #long post again I know I know #I'm sorry #but it's the hardest couple of days for me #couldn't word it but I didn't mean to suggest that John is only moving them to do some work for Paul's benefit #I think it's something he very much needs #and usually Paul would be urging him into and he's confused that it's just not happening #and realises he'll have to do it himself #a bit like Paul talks about how they are cross if he's bossy but then confused if he isn't #get back words

[pigeonwhumps]

Homecoming

Immortal Cannon Fodder masterlist

Taglist: @painful-pooch @i-eat-worlds @a-funeral-romance @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @whumpinggrounds

At the age of eleven, Gemma was forced to attend a boarding school for powered children due to the potentially dangerous nature of her powers. Now she's eighteen and finished school, she's coming home.

2.1k

CWs: referenced minor whump, past abuse, difficulty coping, fear of abandonment, mentioned abandonment, touch-starved, mentioned public punishment, past isolation, fear of punishment, very brief flashback

Gemma steps down from the coach, blinking rapidly as her eyes attempt to adjust to the harsh sunlight. It's July, the end of the school term, and she's finally leaving Meadows Ridge for good.

There's few people around at the drop-off point at the edge of the city. A gaggle of nosy onlookers, curious to see what the notorious 'school for heroes' has produced this year, and a few family groups. Not enough for everyone being dropped off though. A lot of families... don't want their powered child back.

And there'll be provision for those who have nowhere to go, for appearances sake, but she's sure it won't be nice.

She hopes her parents are here. Please, please let them be coming. They said they would, she wrote them a letter and they promised, but they could be lying, it doesn't matter how well they treat anyone else because she has powers and so they can treat her how they like and no-one will care. They never care.

Gemma clutches her parents' response tight in one hand and Sophie the stegosaurus in the other. They said they'd come. She has to believe that.

It's been seven years. Will she even recognise them? Will they recognise her? Will they just... not know it's her and go home and abandon her to even more of Meadows Ridge's care?

She swallows a sob. No. No, they can't do that, please, she can't spend another day there. They have a photo, right? Right?

But nobody calls her name. The coach drives off, leaving one of the teachers behind to collect stragglers, and still nobody calls.

She's distracted by an old, brown car sputtering up the hill. It's polished to a shine but it's not moving very well. She wonders if they'll have to get out and push.

They don't, the car eventually jerking to a stop in the car park, but it's close.

Both front doors open at once and a man and a woman exit, arguing. Their conversation drifts up to Gemma as they head for the payment machine.

"This is why we divorced! If that rusty, banged-up old box made us miss our daughter's homecoming I'll kill you!"

"You say everything was why we divorced, Jemima. Just let me finish paying for parking so we don't get a ticket."

"Screw ticketing, it's been seven years, I need to see my daughter."

Gemma covers her mouth with her hand. Jemima. That's her mum's name, she knows it is. And the car...

They went to ballet practice in it, once, and it broke down halfway. How is it still functional?

"Mum?" she croaks. "Dad?"

She thought she was quiet, but the man turns and– is it? Is it him, is it, is it?

He swallows. So does she. She's rooted to the spot, she can't move, stuck like she's in class and someone's power is holding her there. She can only watch as he drops his wallet and starts to run.

He almost collides with her, stopping at the last minute and placing his hands on her shoulders instead. She flinches, and he starts to withdraw but–

"Don't. Don't let go, please."

She barely recognises her own voice, it's been a long time since she's tried making a request to anyone her senior, but her dad listens. His hands are big and warm and she moves closer, letting him envelope her.

It's hard to keep herself from tensing, flinching, she can't see what he's doing but– it's her dad. And she sinks into his arms, trying to hold back tears.

It's been a year since Aisling left Meadows Ridge, longer since Ethan. And although she's happy for them, she hasn't had a hug since. They're the only two people in that place who ever touched her with affection, with something not carefully calculated to hurt in the worst ways.

"My little gemstone. Oh, I'm so sorry we sent you there."

Gemma shakes her head and cries. She shouldn't be crying, she's an adult now, she should be in control, she doesn't want to get into trouble, but there's absolutely nothing she can do to stop it now.

She was going to be strong for her parents. She was going to pretend that nothing's wrong, nothing happened to her, she's fine. But all that's out the window now.

Another hand touches her shoulder-blade, above her rucksack, and she jumps three feet in the air before remembering who's there. Her heart pounds.

"Sorry. Sorry."

"It's okay, baby girl," her mum murmurs. "I didn't mean to startle you. Shall we go home?" Gemma nods. "Do you have any more luggage?"

She shakes her head. This small rucksack is everything. She wasn't going to bring her school uniforms, aside from the one she's been forced to wear today, and she's not a fan of the regulation pyjamas or free day clothes either (not that she ever got many free days). There's a box with letters and homemade presents from Aisling and Ethan, and messages from her parents, and a copy of the contract she signed this morning, but that's it. She's carrying Sophie.

What would be the point in bringing home things she hates? It's not like she needs a notebook filled with school rules, painstakingly copied out in an empty white room with an ache inside her and heavy metal on her wrists.

She clings to her parents as they make their way to the car. She's an adult now, but right now she doesn't feel it, and she doesn't want to be taken away from them again.

The car is familiar, with that lingering old-smoke smell that still hasn't faded and the seats that are so soft but she knows have zero suspension. She climbs in the back and kicks off her shoes and socks immediately, the hated things, the itchy and scratchy blazer going next.

She's never wearing socks again.

Then she curls up against her mum's side, stroking Sophie. The stegosaurus is old and worn and very, very well-loved after all the years, the side she's currently stroking almost worn through with the constant nervous movement.

"Some of the family were planning to come for tea later, to celebrate your return, but we can postpone it," says her mum gently. "If you're not up to it, they can wait."

"It's okay. They can come." She can't refuse anything. She knows the consequences, even if they're not likely anymore. But anyway. She can handle it. It's only her family. It's not like a public punishment or anything. Just a few hours of eating and talking and whatever else.

It will be fine.

_

It turns out that it is not, in fact, fine.

Every laugh sounds like they're laughing at her. Every time someone raises their voice she thinks they're shouting at her. Every time the dishes clink too loudly, when someone drops a fork, she thinks someone's made a mistake, they're going to be punished, publicly, or she'll be punished in their stead if she speaks out. She tenses every time someone says her name, not used to it being called neutrally. The food is too rich, it has flavour, it's no longer beige, and she feels sick.

Someone proposes a toast to her, and she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what's expected of her. All eyes are on her, and she tries not to cringe away, to flinch from the chorus of voices. At least she manages not to break into a flood of apologies and pleas.

She can't even fetch a plate for herself, too worried about doing it wrong and being punished to try. Someone else has to do it for her, and she murmurs a thanks but doesn't really notice who it is. She can't speak loud enough to be heard either, not after seven years of being punished for it. Not that she's sure she wants to be heard. She mimics the facial expressions of those around her, hoping to convince them that she's doing fine, she doesn't need any help, they can stop looking at her weirdly now. No need to be hostile. No need to hurt her.

The tension thrums through her as she tries to cope. She's got to cope. Why is it so hard?

And this is only a buffet, in front of people she knows (thinks) (hopes) mean her well. How can she ever get used to being around people again?

She can't. She can't. She knows people will be disappointed (of course they will be, they always are, for someone like her disappointing people is the best she can hope for because at least it's not anger), but she slips away, up to what used to be her bedroom, what her parents say is again. The bed's too soft but the dark blue walls with the dinosaurs are nice and calming and she nests instead, climbing into the centre of the pile of blankets her dad helped her make earlier (when it was so desperately obvious what she wanted but she couldn't move to do it herself, she couldn't, the rules in her head wouldn't let her). She curls around a mound of dinosaurs and sobs.

She should've shut the door, but she couldn't bring herself to, that level of privacy isn't allowed, and she can hear the sounds of people still celebrating downstairs. Doesn't seem to matter whether she's there or not then.

There's footsteps on the stairs and she freezes. Step-clunk. Step-clunk. That's the sound of the dorm manager coming to get someone, a cane always on him. She wonders who it'll be and hopes, guiltily, that it's not her.

Someone knocks on her door. She doesn't respond. She doesn't really remember how. She's not sure it actually matters. Nobody ever knocks on the door of someone like her.

The knock sounds again.

"I'll leave you alone if you like, gemstone, but not unless you tell me that," comes a gruff voice. "Those schools don't teach autonomy."

Gemma jolts. She's not there anymore, is she?

"Granda?"

"It's me. No company."

She scrambles to sit up, wiping the worst mess off her face. "Come in."

Her granda limps into the room and sits down on the edge of the bed with a groan. "After my son was forced to send you to that place, I had hoped they'd improved since my time. But your friends, and your face, suggest not." He eyes her critically. "You look terrible."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise, my girl. There's nothing wrong with actually looking traumatised."

Gemma doesn't say anything. She can't object, but she knows it's not true. Instead, she changes the subject.

"My friends? You've met them?"

"Met them? Gemstone, Aisling stays with us when she's not off learning to be a doctor. We haven't heard from Ethan for a couple of years though, of his own choosing. Your dad's gone to pick Aisling up from school so I don't know how long they'll be."

Gemma swallows. Ethan... she hopes he's alright.

"And– and you? You said you..."

"Aye. First generation to do so. Powers must've skipped a generation. If your parents had asked my advice I'd have told them not to get the prenatal power tests done, but alas." He sighs heavily. "At least we have you back now."

Gemma isn't entirely sure what he's talking about, and he doesn't seem to have realised. "Can I ask you something? Please? I don't want to, to annoy you or anything, sorry, I–"

"Go ahead."

"How did you recover? How do you cope? I can't even have dinner with normal people. Maybe I should've just stayed there, because I don't know... how do you not fall apart?"

He smiles, a little bitterly she thinks. "I do fall apart. Life is hard. But if you want advice from an old codger like me, take it slow. One step at a time. One day at a time. Get whatever help you need and don't be ashamed of that. Don't drown yourself in regret, it won't help, believe me. Don't be scared to do what you need to do, don't give up if you slip back sometimes, and never be ashamed of who you are."

Gemma's not much of a person to be proud of, by herself or anyone else, but she thinks that maybe she can manage not to give up just yet.

#whump #whump writing #immortal cannon fodder #gemma oc #whumpee and caretaker #superpower whump #hero whump #multiple whumpees

[x-authorship-x]

"I'll die on the hill that Anakin should have been punted into the creche for a few years"

Yes! I'm so glad you agree, I wish more fics had him interacting with his agemates and being in the creche would have been good for him I think. Perhaps I'm giving him too much credit, and I've only watched those movies once and base the rest of what I know on what I get from fanfics so I could be wrong, but my read of that meeting was that Qui-Gon had intended that? He said he'll train Anakin, but 1. he had a padawan still, and 2. Anakin was 9?? That seems super, super young to be a padawan. I always found it really weird in fics that he had wanted to take Anakin on so young, and then I watched the movie and ended up finding it really weird that the council and Obi-Wan just assumed Qui-Gon meant he'd start training Anakin right then and there and toss out Obi-Wan. Why would he, that makes no sense and he never said he'd take Anakin as a padawan right then like I thought he had from fics. It seemed more to me like it was a promise or vow type thing, like he'd train Anakin when the time came so they didn't have to worry about trying to find someone who would train an unorthodox padawan. And then everyone immediately thought the worst of him so he stupidly doubled down and did not make any attempt to correct their miscommunication. From what little I know about Qui-Gon and his relationship with Obi-Wan there seemed to be a good amount of miscommunication, so this made the most sense to me that he'd be stubborn and double down when arguing with the council rather than explaining what he meant. So when he died Obi-Wan had no idea what he meant and went with what he though Qui-Gon meant and insisted Anakin be placed with him right then and there. Nevermind that he was grieving and Anakin was super baby for a padawan, honestly I'm going to blame the council here for not stepping in and saying Anakin would go to the creche for a few years, then Obi-Wan could have him. Idk I'm not even a huge fan of Qui-Gon and honestly don't know much about him, but in this case this is what seemed most likely to me when I watched it.

Oh anon I totally agree

Tbh my mind went forwards and I was thinking more.... Anakin in the creche could've fixed a lot. Like... Anakin made his own (shit) decisions, I'm definitely not an Anakin-apologist, but I do think that no one is born a certain thing and that childhood has a big knock-on effect. Putting Anakin in the creche would make transitioning from life as a slave easier, for one??? Like let's not immediately call someone else 'master' and let's socialise the kid and let's get an actual childcare specialist - not a traumatized grieving ex-padawan-turned-Knight oh my God everyone needs therapy good intentions don't automatically guarantee good outcomes - involved.

I'm not saying Kelleran Beq looks like the kinda man to rehab hurt children on the daily basis but that's exactly what I'm saying. God I love that man and his Grogu chase scene. Is Grogu in the creche yet or am I too early??? Who cares, I think Grogu would be so good for Anakin because can you imagine being the so called Chosen One but shown up by a baby. You can't fight a baby, not even Anakin (not yet rip) so you gotta just take the ego trimming and cope.

Get Anakin to learn to read and write and acclimatize, let Obi-Wan have time to establish himself as an individual, let everyone take a chill pill, and maybe the whole cast will feel better in three or four years 🙃 also this helps solve Anakin's INTENSE only child energy because Chosen One shit doesn't mean crap in the creche, being a freed slave probably isn't uncommon when you look at how a lot of force sensitive kids end up at the temple (every Jedi comes with a built in troubling backstory as standard), Anakin has friends and peers to cut his teeth on and learn patience with and how to check boundaries with and you just KNOW that those creche kids have so many lessons on Stranger Danger-!

qui-gon the future we couldve had if you choked out a few more words lmao

Also I like to imagine that anakin's first language is Huttese and he only knows enough Basic to understand customers and Watto etc so in my mind the council meeting SHOULDVE derailed when Anakin can't understand a word they're saying and the whole timeline careens towards 'lets get this freed child slave his vaccines and a primary school teacher before deciding the words of destiny, yes?'

Qui-Gon: *finally asks something not related to customer service, basic conversational vocab, or mechanics*

Anakin: ....uhhhhhhh

Qui-Gon, off camera: I was so lost in the euphoria of finding the Chosen One that I temporarily forgot I existed in a world with slavery and other languages haha-

Obi-Wan: *face down in a dune in the BG*

The end :)

#torship #torship talks #ask #anon #star wars #qui gon #anakin #Anakin's INTENSE only child energy #obi wan

[breannasfluff]

So if in a Wing AU, Wild lost and replaced a wing instead of an arm, how do you think he'd cope? I love reading stuff about the boys dealing with disability or injury and some totk headcanons are always a fun time. The biggest struggle when building a flight machine in game is not overbalancing one side in weight. So I'd like to think he'd either have to wear weighted gear to rebalance his body or relearn where his center of gravity is.

Also related but I'd love to see how you think your version of the boys would help him out if they were around during the recovery period.

I see what you mean about the balance in the game, and weighted gear is a great idea! I was going to write a little drabble on my thoughts, buuut it's kind of spiraling longer so I figured I'd answer this instead of making you keep waiting 😅

Changing out his arm for a wing has been interesting to think about! If the design of the new wing matched the arm, then it would have a fair amount of metal holding the "feathers" together. So, new wing would be heavier and probably unbalancing in flight. He can wear a harness to help, but that puts the weight on the chest and not on his wing where he needs it. If only the rito could help give pointers (evil laugh at somehow matching this to current plot).

The arm doesn't seem to bother Link in the game, although one of the idle animations is him looking at it. It functions generally how a wing should, but there's still something a little "off" about it. I'm actually still thinking about how that would crop up.

As for the boys...if the wing was replaced and he was dumped immediately back to them, he'd probably be doing a bit better.

He needs support and understanding, and who better than others with wings?

Time would be in a tizzy because he's big keeping the group safe. He'd blame himself even though he couldn't do anything. Twilight would hover a lot, worried about Wild but also unwilling to push too close and make Wild nervous. He might end up kind of annoying and Wild would probably tell him to either come close or stay away, just pick one, Twi.

Warriors is used to injuries from his time in battle, but it being someone in the flock pushes him off kilter. He's still a loner bird so he doesn't hang around like Twi and Time. Instead, he helps Four.

Four's normal chatter vanishes and he shifts all his focus to coming up with a gear to help Wild fly normally again. Despite his normal nature, this is too important to give anything but his full attention. Warriors help is a surprise--they don't spend a lot of one on one time together--but he has good advice.

Sky sticks to Wind, who's clingier than normal. Both of them insist it doesn't matter what they eat (they really prefer seafood) because Wild shouldn't need to worry about cooking. Sky's got a bad habit of stealing other's food, but even that rarely happens now, and never to Wild. Wind's worry means he doesn't put as much time to grooming his feathers as he should, so Sky often takes over.

Legend and Hyrule are the closest to Wild, so it hits them the hardest. Legend gets especially snappy with the others when they talk about how to help Wild. His snarl could give Twilight a run for his money. While the vet may be the resident grouch, he's still pretty open with physical affection. Now, it's all dumped on Wild, who appreciates the gesture but gets a bit ovewhelmed.

Where Legend is proverbially running others off, Hyrule is doing his best impression of an octorok and clinging. Literally; he's almost always in physical contact with Wild, generally commandeering an arm or hand to hold.

He's a little less smothering than Legend, so he's a little easier to deal with, but Wild is rolling his eyes after 24 hours. He points out that his wing still works and he's not dead, which only makes Hyrule cry.

At this point, Legend is so puffed and worked up that Wind comments they should roll him down a hill to see if it will flatten his feathers. Legend is left speechless, but the others laugh and some tension is broken.

Longer term, I'm sure they'd all take turns working with him to help him rebalance, deal with the emotions, etc, but I'd have to think on that further or do research.

Thanks for the wonderful question and I'll tag you when I post the first drabble!

#asks #lu wing bois #lu wing au #lu totk wild #totk