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ahgasegotarmy116 · 3 months

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He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Five

Summary: Taehyung gets careless and breaks your heart yet again. Pairing: Noona reader x Jeon Jungkook (She's 28 and he's 22) Word Count: 4.7K~ Warnings: Implied yändere and mentions of signs of trauma because of it. (nothing too extreme) a/n: It's taken me so long to get this chapter out I'm sorryyy but I hope it was worth the wait! Thank you so much for your continued support on my stories and I hope you'll look forward to the next part!

Jungkook's visit last week really had me thinking about the choices I make on the daily.

I stopped stressing about what Taehyung might be doing when he's away and started thinking about ways I could improve myself.

It wasn't anything major but I wanted to take baby steps.

For instance, setting up a schedule for when I wake up and always making sure to not stay up past midnight. Along with promising myself to at least sit and write for a couple of hours per day but also taking breaks when I felt I needed to. I would come back though and finish only when I was satisfied and came to a proper stopping point.

Implementing these little changes in my life has worked wonders on my confidence and peace of mind. I feel like I'm accomplishing something and getting some sort of fulfillment in the day to day which I haven't been able to say for the past few years.

I guess all of this can be chalked up to Jungkook.

I know I'm ultimately the one who's implemented these things into my life but if he hadn't given me that push, I don't think I would've ever gotten to even see these small victories.

While I'm in the kitchen pouring myself a cup of coffee I hear a faint chime on my laptop and I smile knowing exactly who it is.

'Good morning Noona, did you sleep well?' I read from the all too familiar jkjkjk.97 and smile seeing that my suspicions were correct.

'I slept like a baby, who knew going to bed before dawn would do wonders!' I send back and when I try to stand up to walk back over to the kitchen I'm met with another email popping up from him.

'That's good! I'm happy to see that you're feeling a bit better these days :)' he sends and I smile at the fact that he's just as eager to reply to me. It's been like this ever since that day he dropped off my groceries. He would send me emails first thing in the morning almost like clockwork.

I'm surprised that he manages to keep a similar schedule to mine but I don't really know what he does most days except work.

I know he works at the grocery store but it seems to me like he's always working at odd hours. Most days even well past closing so it's got me thinking about what else he could possibly do for a living.

It's none of my business but I can't help but be curious about it since when I ask him how his day went, he usually says he's still working even though it seems like he's been working since dawn.

I really want to ask him but I don't want to pry. He seems like the kind of guy that keeps to himself and open up when he's ready.

I'm just hoping that there will come a day where he'll trust me as much as I have grown to trust him.

My thought process his interrupted by the sound of keys jingling in the door and my heart sinks to my stomach when I'm brought back to reality.

"Hey baby" Taehyung greets while taking off his shoes. It's Saturday so he doesn't have work which means he might be hanging around here for a while before no doubt heading out again.

"Hey" I respond quietly, feeling as though I'm retreating back into myself, not really being able to relax until I know what kind of headspace he's in.

"Where's my welcome home kiss from my gorgeous wife?" he asks while walking over to where I'm sitting at my desk. He leans down and kisses me on the lips, moulding his mouth against mine while I crane my neck up and return the kiss, placing a hand on his cheek to keep him connected.

"Welcome home" I let out after he pulls back, panting slightly as he nudges his nose against mine before standing up straight again. "Have you been up long?" he asks, him having gone out late last night and surprisingly turning up here again bright and early.

I hum in acknowledgment, "I've been waking up earlier these days so I can get a jump start on my writing and trying to go to bed earlier" I respond while watching his back as he walks over to the kitchen.

"Oh really? How's that going?" he questions, pouring himself a cup of coffee and walking back into the living room, waiting patiently for my answer.

"Well it's been nice to implement a bit of a routine since my days and nights have kind of been all over the place for a while. Plus, I feel like this story is really coming along. I even started mapping out ideas for the next book in the series!" I say and he looks at me as if he's almost falling in love with me again, making me shy under his gaze.

"That's amazing honey. I feel like I haven't seen you smiling like this in a really long time. Looks like all you needed was a little discipline to really get your life back together huh?" he say while giving me a knowing look, cocking his head to the side and letting his eyes roam my body for a second. No doubt looking at the faint bruises he'd left from last week.

"I guess so" I say, awkwardly rubbing my bicep where he had grabbed me. "How are you feeling?" he questions, coming a bit closer and ghosting his fingers over the marks. "I'm fine, they don't hurt as much anymore" I say, slipping my arm out if his grasp.

"That's good, I'm sorry I got a little rough with you. I was frustrated with some work stuff and I took it out on you. That wasn't fair of me" he apologizes while brushing the hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. "It's okay" I say quietly, looking down at the floor to avoid his gaze.

"No, it's not okay" he says tilting my chin up and making me make eye contact.

"I haven't been treating you well and I wanna make it up to you" he says, caressing my face with the hand that he used to tilt my chin up. "Okay" I whisper as he leans down to connect our lips again but before they're able to touch his phone rings.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone and the name Tiffany flashes across the screen with a kiss emoji at the end, giving me a name to associate as to why he's actually never home.

"I've gotta take this" he says and I nod my head to show I don't mind even though my heart is breaking more and more with each ring. He gives me a quick kiss to apologize before answering the call and walking into the kitchen.

I take that as a sign that he'll be leaving for the night again and head into the bathroom since it's the one place he won't question as to why I've shut him out. I close the lid of the toilet and cover my ears so I can't hear him but curiosity gets the best of me and I hold my breath to see if I can make any words out despite my whole motives of coming here in the first place.

"No I ca-. Well I just got here I-. Okay, okay fine I'm coming. Let me just come up with an excuse to tell her and I'll be there soon. Okay? Alright, love you too. Bye" I hear him say and he ends the call. I cover my mouth, trying to stop any sounds of heartbreak that might come out and listen as he walks down the hall to our room.

"Y/n? Honey where are you?" he asks, barely bothering to look for me. "I'm in here" I say, turning on the sink to drown out the sound a bit to prevent him from hearing how wobbly my voice sounds from the emotions I'm trying to keep at bay.

"I've gotta head out for the day but I'll be back tomorrow night. You gonna be okay?" he asks as if he cared about me. "Yeah I'll be fine don't worry, I'll see you then" I yell above the sound and he says a quick goodbye through the door in return and leaves soon after.

Once I hear the front door close I let some of those choked sobs go.

He's never been that obvious before. Does he just not bother to hide since he sees that I don't question him about it? I don't even know why I still care since it's very clear that he doesn't care about me.

At that I look at my phone and see that there's another email from Jungkook that came in a little while ago which gives me motivation enough to dry my eyes and get myself together so I can head back out to my laptop and get lost in this safe haven we've created for each other.

'Did you forget about me already?' he questions, seeing as it has taken me a while to respond. I couldn't risk doing it and Taehyung finding out about us. Even though there is no 'us' when it comes to Jungkook and I, unlike that Tiffany girl he just left me for today.

'I'm sorry Taehyung came home. He just left though...' I send and get a response back immediately, seeing he's been waiting for my response.

'Are you okay? Did something happen?' he asks and I smile at the thought that there is someone out there that cares enough to ask.

We've been emailing each other everyday since he came over and I've opened up to him a bit more about my relationship with Tae and he's been really good at just letting me talk and just being there for me. Always talking me through things and helping me process no matter if it's problems with Tae or even other more mundane things like writer's block.

He's just there, no matter what.

'Can we meet up today?' I type out but hesitate, letting my hand hover over the mouse.

Watching, waiting, worrying about if this would be a good idea but before making that decision myself I accidentally hit send when I try to put my hand down to rest it on my lap.

"Shit" I say out loud but before I can figure out how to unsend the message I get a response back.

'Sure :) Did you want to meet at the Blue Pearl? Or should I come over?' he asks and I hold my breath, weighing the pros and cons to this whole situation and decide to just say fuck it and do what I want for once.

'Can you come over?' I send and close my laptop, too nervous to look at his reply. "What the fuck am I doing inviting a younger guy to my apartment when my husband is gone? What am I doing?" I say out loud and pace back and forth until I hear the chime come from my phone this time.

'Be there soon :)' "I'm fucked" I admit out loud before running around and quickly getting myself and the house ready.

~~~~~

A rhythmic pattern of knocks plays and puts my mind at ease while I walk towards the door and open it.

"Noona!" he greets with a smile before giving me a hug that catches me off guard making me take a step back to help me stay balanced. "Thank you for coming" I say while returning his embrace and letting go a second later so I can step aside to let him in.

"Are you okay?" he asks after having taken off his shoes and taken in my form to what I don't realize is to look for any signs of harm. "Yes I'm fine" I say with a sad smile yet know for a fact that even if I try to deny it he can read me like a book.

"Then why were you crying?" he asks, looking at my red eyes and flushed cheeks. "I heard Tae talking to one of the girls he's cheating on me with" I mumble and at that Jungkook takes my hand and leads me over to the couch without saying a word.

"He didn't even try hard to hide it. Like he has a stupid kiss emoji next to her name and everything. He had only been here for like twenty minutes tops before he left" I spill out. He keeps a hold of my hand, looking down at it while I let out all the things I've been holding in.

The worries, the doubts, the fear, the stress. I don't know when it started and I can't figure out how to make it stop.

"I don't know what to do" I admit, looking down at my lap, watching as the tears fall from my eyes and onto the fabric of my jeans.

"Do you want me to be honest and tell you what I think or do you want me to just listen?" he asks, rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "Be honest?" I pose almost as a question, knowing this is the ugly truth I've been hiding from.

"Can you tell me more than one reason as to why you should stay with him? Besides him being your husband" he asks, sitting silently and waiting for me to respond, giving me time to think it through but when I shake my head he goes forward with posing his argument.

"If you can't manage to come up with a reason as to why you should stay with him then what's keeping you from leaving? I know you said that you're scared and you don't know what to do but the fact that you're not doing anything is hurting you more than if you decided to leave him" he states, I just nod my head and listen, letting him say his piece.

"He's hurting you. He's hurting you physically" he says while ghosting his fingers along the bruises that run up my arm, "Mentally" he continues brushing the hair off of my face and rubbing his thumb up against my temple "And sexually" he finishes, taking note of the hickeys and the way I flinch away from him when he tries to lay his hand on my neck.

"That's just how Taehyung is, he likes things rough" I say, making excuses for the marks that are clearly beyond rough sex.

"But do you like it?" he questions, catching me off guard with an intimacy of the question. "He keeps me satisfied if that's what you mean" I answer curtly, hoping he'll take that as an answer.

"That's not what I asked. Do you enjoy the way he has sex with you? Is that how you want to have sex?" he continues, not backing down from getting an answer out of me. I look up at him to see if he's seriously asking me that question and all I can see is a serious expression on his face.

"I don't mind it" I say, dancing around my answer. "Noona" he warns in a tone of voice he's never used with me, catching me off guard.

"N-no. No I don't like it. It's too rough for me and I don't like it" I admit. He nods, casting his eyes down as if he's lost in thought before asking his next question. "Have you ever told him?" he questions and I shake my head only to realize moments later that he can't see me. "No I haven't told him" I respond quietly and he nods again before looking back up at me.

"Why?" he asks and I'm left with one answer. "Because I'm afraid of what he might do to me if I say no" I explain. "I figure it's better to say yes and take it instead of saying no and having him force himself on me" I cover my mouth not realizing the fact that I said the thing that I was even too afraid to admit to myself.

"Has he ever forced himself on you?" he asks while clenching his jaw, clearly upset at the thought. "I didn't tell him no but I tried to make him see that I didn't want it but he didn't care to pay attention" I answer, getting rid of the filter seeing as it won't do either of us any good if I were to hold back.

"That's one of the many reasons that you shouldn't even be with him anymore" he starts, his whole body tense, anger just bubbling under the surface. "You shouldn't have to be with someone you're scared of. I just don't kno-"

"That's just it, you don't know. You told me that before, that I shouldn't be with someone that I'm scared of but you just don't get it. You've never been married. You've never had to deal with struggles like this. You make it sound so easy, that I could just leave and never look back but it's not that simple" I spout off, defending myself and my decisions.

"Noona I just want to he-" "I know, I know" I say cutting him off but gaining a softer tone at the end, shrinking back into myself, ridding myself of my defensive behavior. "I'm sorry Jungkook, I shouldn't have said that. I asked you to come over and then I just yelled at you and I just..." I trail off, hating myself for doing that to him.

He tilts my head up and looks at me, studying my features and I cast my eyes down, too nervous to maintain his strong gaze. "Look at me" he says in a soft tone but I keep my eyes down, focused on my hands that I have balled into fists.

"Look at me, please..." he whispers and at that I decide to do as he says and I see how his eyes have glossed over, the stars in them wavering. "He doesn't deserve you" he whispers cupping my face, running his thumb along my cheekbone to brush off a tear that I didn't even realize had fallen.

"I don't know what to do" I let out in a choked sob, letting the tears that I've been holding in fall, never letting myself cry enough to feel better. He pulls me in and I latch onto him, burring my face into his shoulder as he holds onto me tighter, further showing me that I'm safe with him.

"Whatever you need I'm here for you. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it" he says, the deep rumble of his voice brings me comfort. "I-" I start but cut myself off with another sob. "It's okay, just let it all out" he says and cling to him harder.

After having sat there and cried with him for what felt like hours my sobs slowly die down to sniffles and my breathing patterns return to normal. "You okay?" he questions, more so asking if I had finished crying versus how I'm feeling about my current reality. I nod my head but nuzzle in closer to him, not wanting to let go just yet.

"What's wrong?" he questions. "I don't want you to see my face" I complain into his shirt and he laughs at (from his perspective) how adorable I am. "Aw come on why not?" he chuckles and I nuzzle my face into his neck, making skin to skin contact without paying any mind to it. "My face is probably all red and my eyes are puffy from crying" I mumble against his neck.

His body goes stiff but I don't take too much notice and move a bit closer to him, not realizing how I'm making him feel and only realize it after he clears his throat a few times. "Is something wrong?" I ask finally taking in how uncomfortable he seems.

"No, nothing's wrong I just- no it's nothing" he says trying to backpedal out of this. "It's obviously something if you're reacting like that" I press, wanting him to be as truthful with me as I have been with him.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable" I say, pulling away from him. "No! Noona no, it's just that. Your lips were on my neck and you were really close and..." he trails off, hoping that's explanation enough.

"I didn't even realize I was doing that, I'm sorry..." I trail off as well, hating that I made this situation even more awkward than it already is. "It's okay Noona I just, well I just want to make sure we don't cross a line and it was making it hard for me to do so" he explains.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask, wanting to know exactly what he's thinking. "It's just, well you're married and I think you know that I'm attracted to you by now so it was just making it hard for me to think straight" he admits and I nod my head and look down at my lap, not really knowing how I'm supposed to respond.

"I hope this doesn't change things between us. I really do want to be your friend but I understand if I've made you uncomfortable. I just thought you should know" he finishes and waits with bated breath for my response.

"Would things be different?" I question, not fully asking the question since I'm not sure if I want to know the answer. "Would things be different if what?" he presses. "Would things be different if I wasn't married?" I ask and I close my eyes, scared of seeing his reaction.

"You can't just ask me that" he says and I look up at him to see his face turned away, showing how pink the tips of his ears have gotten and how his jaw is clenching. "Why not?" I press, needing to know based off of the kind of reaction he's giving me.

"You don't know how hard I've been holding myself back" he says and tongues his cheek, making me widen my eyes at the motion. "Holding yourself back from what?" I press further, needing to know what's running through his mind right now.

"From kissing you" he says, finally looking back at me, making eye contact before his eyes flicker down to my lips. "I-" "I should go" he says, cutting me off before I can say anything further. "Wait, no you don't have to go. I'm sorry" I say, trying my best to keep him here. I can't let him just run off after a confession like that but he's giving me no other option as I watch him stand up.

"You have nothing to apologize for Noona. I shouldn't have said that. I do have to go though, my family is waiting for me back at home" he says and I widen my eyes, never having heard him talk about his family as of yet.

"Family?" I question, my curiosity peaked. "Yeah I live with my mom and my three siblings" he says while walking over to put his shoes on. "Three?" I question and he nods his head not bothering to give me much more than that.

"That's a topic of conversation for another time though" he says after he stands back up from tying his laces. "Oh okay" I say and hug myself, providing myself some comfort, hating to see him rushing out of here already.

"They really are waiting for me. My mom has to work tonight so I'm stuck taking care of the kiddos" he says, giving me a soft smile before turning to open the door and I follow behind him.

"Let me know when you get home okay?" I say, leaning up against the door frame. "I will" he says and reaches out to pull me in for a hug, accepting it right away.

"I still want you in my life so please, don't disappear" I mumble into his chest and he hums in acknowledgment. "You can't get rid of me that easily. Not after I fought for that title of best friend" he says pulling back and looking down at me fondly and I smile back up at him before he places a hand on the side of my neck and leans down to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Bye Noona" he says, giving me a soft smile. I smile back up at him and return his sentiment before he turns to walk away.

I watch as he goes, waiting for him to get in his car where he looks back up towards my apartment, not expecting to see me waiting for him but smiles when he does. I smile back and wave and watch as he pulls out of his spot and makes his way out of the parking lot.

"I'm really fucked" I mumble to myself and turn to walk inside my apartment.

"He gets more and more handsome each time I see that young man" Mrs. Mitchell says, making me jolt back from the scare of being caught.

"Mrs. Mitchell we didn't-" I start but she waves me off. "You don't need to make excuses to me love. Like I said last time, I wouldn't blame you if you did" she says and places a hand on my arm, noticing all the mixed emotions I have written all over my face.

"Why don't we change the subject and have you sign those books we had spoken about the other day" she says, turning to walk towards the stack she had waiting by her front door like she had told me she would.

I smile at her enthusiasm for my writing and and am thankful that she doesn't address what had happened between Jungkook and I anymore.

"There you go" I say putting the cap on the pen and handing the last book back to her. "Thank you dear! The girls are going to love these!" she says placing the books back in their place. "Girls?" I question, chuckling at her reaction, so happy a simple thing like this could make her happy.

"Yeah! The other women in my book club. I recommended your books to them and they've been begging me to get them a signed copy from you ever since" she says, turning back to face me. "Well I hope they enjoy them!" I reply happily, embarrassed still that woman of their age are reading it but thankful nonetheless.

"We're all meeting together here next Sunday so maybe if you're not too busy writing you could stop by and have tea with us. I just know they would love to meet you!" she says, practically glowing with excitement.

"I'll have to get back to you on that one but it sounds lovely" I smile, my heart swelling at the thought of meeting some of my readers. "Wonderful! But I'll let you get back to your day dear. Make sure to set aside some time to take care of yourself and relax tonight okay? You deserve it" she says placing a comforting hand on my arm before we both go our separate ways.

As I close the door behind me I'm met with that all too familiar chime and I walk over to my desk, this time a bit more tentative than before, being nervous as to what I might find from my familiar friend jkjkjk.97

Home :) is all he sends but I decide to respond, nervous of the result if I don't, scared that he might shut me out or fade away.

Have fun with the kiddos tonight! And thank you for coming today, it really meant a lot to me I send back, hoping to make things sound normal.

Anytime, let's see each other again soon. Okay? he asks and I can tell he's waiting earnestly for a response.

Okay. This time at The Blue Pearl so we can say 'Hi' to Rae. I miss her :( I say, hoping that he won't take that as a way of me keeping him from coming over when I really do miss Rae.

The Pearl it is! Goodnight Noona he says, ending the conversation early tonight, no doubt having a lot to do to manage three kids for the night.

Goodnight Jungkook I send and close my laptop, vowing to do as I had agreed upon and take the rest of the day to take care of myself.

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bettsfic · 4 months

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The cost of dreams

I decided a while ago that I would pursue publishing. But with constant critiques of my process and myself as a writer I feel like I’ve run my well dry. I no longer feel like I have a story to tell or that when I do come across something, I no longer feel that I’m good enough to tell that story. I have come to a point where I don’t write at all now.

I naturally have high standards for myself and as I worked to improve my craft and began to follow new authors who have gotten deals or have been agented, I’ve begun to feel like I’m not good enough. Like I’ll never get my work to be as good as my faves or that I’m too slow in my writing process, that’s why I’m not querying yet. Just spirals of thoughts that shoot at one’s confidence.

I felt like I was doing everything that a person who wants to be a professional writer should do. Have a set writing routine(write every week or have set word count goals every month), outline(not that there aren’t professional writers who are amazing pantsers but this was what I felt like I needed to do), and constantly pick at your story until it’s “perfect”.

I’m constantly worrying about what is my most authentic work, if all my work needs to have a big meeting, whether I should write contemporary, because a” good writer” can write in all genres.

I should just be able to handle the pressure and keep pushing. Writing isn’t always fun and if it’s my dream maybe there just need to be some sacrifices. Idk, maybe I’m just rambling.

I really don’t know what to do.

there are only two choices: you write, or you don't. if there's something you love as much as writing (not something you might love or have to search for, but some skill or occupation you enjoy just as much and gives you as much fulfillment), then go do that thing. you'll be able to write at the same time. maybe not as much, but you'll figure it out. if there's not, then the choice is made for you. you keep going, and all you can do is try not to look too far ahead. just look at the words as they arrive on the page and try to forget the big picture.

also, i don't know very many writers who publish in multiple genres. i don't even know very many writers who create narrators who aren't just self-inserts. most writers just write the same thing over and over again and package it in different ways. and if people like it, they keep selling it. remember that when you publish, you're creating a product to be sold. publication is a small thing that seems bigger than it is; the work is always what's important. finding joy in the craft is what's important. if you've lost that, your job is only to find it again. it can be your sole occupation, what you devote every second of your life to. there are few things greater than the pursuit of self-joy.

i'm sorry you're feeling this way though. i feel the same thing about 50% of the time, sometimes for months on end and sometimes just briefly. all the writers you're seeing with all their successes feel it too. i used to think there were a lot of things i could do with my life, and that if i put my mind to it, i could do anything. but the truth is that i can be okay at a lot of things that make me feel mildly accomplished, or i can try to be exceptional at one and find meaning in it.

but if none of this tracks, go read the books you're seeing deals for. read the book you're most envious of and see how bad it is. maybe not objectively, i mean it's probably decent, but i guarantee it will be flawed. or boring. or poorly written. or it may make you go, "how did this get published?" or, "i could do this better." most of this feeling you're having is fear that you're not good enough, and the way to face that fear is to read stuff that sucks. one of two things will happen: you'll feel better about yourself, or you'll find a book good enough to teach you something new. as your writing improves, as you acquire more accolades, the former becomes far greater than the latter, until one day you're dying to read writing that kicks your ass.

#writing advice

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shai-manahan · 5 months

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Hollowed Minds Progress Update 1/02/24

Hi! I hope you're all having a good year so far! I planned to post this last night but I was too anxious over having to return to work lmfao (with the holidays being over and all). Anyway, I know it's been a year since my last update; believe me, I'm upset about it, too, and I'm trying to make up for that.

To be completely honest, aside from my health, one thing that's been stopping me from progressing steadily was my attempts at improving the way I write. I was struggling to find my own style the entire year, experimenting over and over (sometimes without rest, like an idiot), and I know that probably sounds stupid, but writing as a craft is so special to me that I want to be better at it.

It did backfire, though. A lot. Mostly because I couldn't maintain a balance between this and irl stuff.

The thing is, I plan to write trad novels and short stories in the future. I plan to go back to writing screenplays, too. I don't think I'll ever stop making IFs, but there are things I want to write about that I can never do through this medium (and the same is true vice versa). This is also why I tend to keep editing HM while trying to push through with newer updates; this is the only way I can learn more about what I wish to do in the future. This is my chance to practice and experiment, before I get anything published and make the kind of impression I aim to make.

And I think I finally found the style I love to use the most this time.

I feel ready now to post progress updates regularly at least every two weeks (this one doesn't count). I was ashamed of my slow progress for quite a while, but I know I can start moving forward again. I'm also just eager to show you the story I've always wanted to share, and that'd never happen unless I push myself so :').

You're free to ask for progress in case I miss doing this btw, just. don't be an ass about it lmao. And feel free to send asks as well!

So far, this is what I'm trying to improve for the posted demo:

conciseness

strengthening the settings and the descriptions involving them

revising a few dialogues that do not fit the characters at all

readability and making some details clearer

overall pacing of ch2's first part

the nightmare scenes

reassessment of which variations would be most important to the plot and MC's characterization.

everything else I cannot think of right now

I think I'll dedicate a week or two into finishing whatever needs to be cleaned up so there'll be less game-breaking bugs that might happen for the new content. But after that 👀

That's all for tonight!

P.S. recently bought a lampshade and damn. this is definitely much better for my eyes when I write.

#hollowed minds series #interactive fiction #hollowed minds #wip #writing #progress update #hollowed minds progress update #hollowed minds book one #if wip #interactive novel

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angelxd-3303 · 7 months

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Well, wish me luck.

My current situation is... crappy, to say the least. I thought moving out would improve me mentally, but all it did was isolate me, strip away my independence, and throw me into a depression like I haven't experienced since 8th grade.

I moved in with a friend I've known since I was nine, she was the mother of one of my closest friends. I trusted her completely, she promised to help me and I believed her.

As a result, I had to leave my job, and wasn't able to find another one. I'm relying on doordash and food stamps when I've always been able to support myself. As a result, my self esteem has gone down the tubes. The help I was promised only came for the first month, then I was left hanging.

I was told that my rambling was annoying, that talking about the things that interest me was off putting, that my trauma was insignificant, and that I should just get over it. I was pushed outside of my comfort zone more times than I can count, and overall I've been at an all time low.

As such, I've made the decision to move out. It hurts, I really care about this friend, but for the sake of my safety I can't stay. I'm moving in with my partner and their family until we can get our own place, which shouldn't take long. I'm tired of people trying to tell me how to live my life, I just want to be happy. I thought I'd find it here, but I didn't. I need to be around people who understand my pain, and are willing to help me work through it.

I guess the moral of this story is this: No matter how hard of a decision it is, some people just aren't good for you. Even if they don't mean to hurt you, that doesn't make it ok. You deserve better.

I just wanted to explain the situation, I know I haven't been posting much art or writing, and I've been feeling so guilty over it. I know, however, that my depression kicks my creativity to the curb first when it hits. I just need to sort myself out, get my head out of this fog, I guess. I appreciate all the love and support through all of this, and I can't say how much it means to see the kind things you all say about my content. I'll do my best to claw my way out of this, and hopefully get back into the swing of things.

#kinda vent #mouse rambles #tw depression #don't make my mistakes #I rushed into this decision and now I gotta dig myself out

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charliemwrites · 5 months

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Hey there! I have a hard time actually trying to reach out on here. I have anxiety really bad about talking to people. But I need to start pushing myself a bit to at least tell writers like you that I fully enjoy everything you write. I'm pretty silent in this fandom (COD) but I'm trying to be better. I just want to say that I love everything you write and the former 141 fic you're writing has been so cathartic for me. I lost my job a while ago and I'm dealing with some hardships but I love reading your angsty stuff! It helps somehow in ways I can't describe. I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog. I'm thinking of starting a new one just to reblog fanfiction. Thank you for all your stories. They legitimately get me through the day sometimes. I love your brain and I promise I won't try to put it into a jar 😂 Best wishes to you ❤️

Hiii!! First of all, I hope it’s not too presumptuous to say that I’m proud of you!! I’ve gotten braver in the last few months, but I also greatly struggle to reach out and engage in fandoms. So thank you for taking the time time, energy, and courage to reach out 💕

I am so very sorry that you’re going through a tough time right now, and I’m truly humbled that my writing has helped in any way. I hope that things improve and you can find some support in the COD community. There are a lot of wonderful, kind people here that can relate to anxiety about talking to others ❤️

All my love 🥰

#asks

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lastweeksshirttonight · 9 months

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I've been recapping Strike Force Five both for my followers who can't access or don't really have time to listen to the episodes, and also for myself to get more comfortable with longform writing, something I was doing as well with reviews of S1 episodes of Last Week Tonight. (I promise I will keep doing those, I know they keep falling by the wayside.) Going into episode three of the show, I know I have to address Jimmy Fallon and his toxic workplace, the news of which dropped as I was listening to the third episode of SFF for the first time. Putting this below the cut, and I'm going to be mentioning toxic workplaces, alcoholism, and maybe getting more personal than I need to again, so trigger warning for those.

To start, every worker deserves a safe, non-toxic workplace. This is the LEAST a company can do for their employees as far as I'm concerned. The things a toxic workplace will do to your mental and physical health are things I don't wish on anyone, and things I'm still wrestling with after being two years removed from one of the worst environments I was ever in. The stories that Fallon's staffers tell ring extremely true, from weaponized HR to cruel, dehumanizing showrunners/CEOs, and crying rooms. I want the best for them and hope, despite the very bad "I'm sorry if you were offended" apologies given by NBC staff and Fallon, that there are concrete efforts taken to provide them with a much better, safer workplace. Those apologies don't give me much hope right now, unfortunately.

The other thing is that I really hope Fallon commits to some sort of treatment for his obvious alcoholism. It's been an open secret for decades at this point - the article dances around it but anyone with even a modicum of knowledge about the New York comedy scene knows this. Again, I don't wish alcoholism on anyone. It's a horrible, destructive disease. But I don't think that the culture rot at Late Night can be fully addressed unless Fallon makes an effort to get help.

I've struggled with excessive social drinking and alcoholism runs in my family. It's almost impossible to get out of that hole until you realize you need to make the change. I hope this is the push to get him out of that hole. This isn't me trying to avoid holding him accountable for his part in making his show so toxic, far from it. This is me, coming from a similar place where I had to work incredibly hard to rebuild my life because of the shitstain behavior I perpetuated while drunk, recognizing someone that needs to do the same work to make things right in some way.

I thought about making this part of the recap for Strike Force Five episode 3, but it didn't feel appropriate. I don't know if I will recap the third episode, honestly, and if I do, it won't likely be for a bit, or at least until I know what the future of this podcast is. Last week, episodes dropped on Wednesday and Saturday, and there's noticeably no fourth episode as of today (Sunday). The part of this that sucks is that listening to the show DOES help the staff of all these late-night shows monetarily, including Fallon's, and I want to continue to support them. (Because it will come up, I do financially donate to multiple strike funds as well. You should do the same, if you're in a position to.) It's, understandably, a mess.

In the end, I just really want things to improve for Fallon's staff. It'll take a lot of work, but it's not impossible to turn things around.

#strike force five #lee's stream of consciousness #jimmy fallon #john oliver #stephen colbert #jimmy kimmel #seth meyers #tw: alcoholism #i may delete this later just bc i don't know if anyone genuinely wanted my thoughts on this #i just needed to get the thoughts out

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sprout-fics · 10 months

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I saw your post about feeling burnt out from a few days ago. I thought about writing to you, finding a way encourage you, something.

But from someone who's constantly straddling this line, take this (if you will): Burning out is called burning out because it feels like your energy, what makes you you, might burn so hot that it destroys itself. But it's because you have this energy, this core, this fuel inside you that you can burn at all. I hope that provides some comfort. You are talented beyond belief, and have a true gift. Hold on to that on the days the fire threatens to burn hotter than usual.

I wrote to you a few months ago about how much I saw myself in Fix. It was mind-blowing to me that you even replied, and I am so so grateful you did!

Things have...changed? Not necessarily for the worst, but, they have changed. Some things will never go back to what they were, and I'm trying to draw comfort from it, as much as the thought fills me with trepidation.

No matter what happens from here on out (for you, for me and for our darling girl Fix), I want you to know that your writing has had an undeniable impact on me. Fix makes me feel validated, and supported, and seen, and she feels like a sister to me. Most importantly, she fills me with hope.

And Em. So do you.

I've been staring at this message for the better part of an hour, trying to find the words to answer. I'm still not sure I have the words I'm looking for, but I want to respond anyways.

Thank you.

I started writing over a decade ago. 2012 was my first online fiction piece. I wrote because I didn't have a lot of friends, because I was anxious and sad and wanted to not be so lonely. Writing has since become one of the major points of my existence. I don't think I would exist without it. I often think that this is the reason why I'm here, is to tell stories.

Fix is one of them. In so many ways, Fix is myself. She's trying so so hard all the time, to the point where she will ignore herself. Even when she's hurting, she'll tell herself that she's not allowed to hurt, to ask for help, that she needs to be strong for herself and the people around her. She tells herself asking for help is a weakness, and that weakness is failure, and that failure is the ending to the relationships she so desperately wants to keep. At Fix's core, she can't stand being lonely again.

My fear of failure manifests in my push to improve my writing, to update consistently, to get the characters exactly right, to make sure I know what I'm talking about, to make sure I'm doing right by my readers. I'm realizing that the pressure I put on myself with writing is immense, and the reason for my burnout. Unbearable sometimes. I'm desperately afraid of losing motivation for my projects, because if I abandon them it means I failed. It isn't healthy, I know that. I'm trying to change it. It's hard.

But then I get messages like this. From people who have somehow been touched by my writing, who say the joy of it has somehow helped them. I've gotten messages from people thanking me for writing my stories because it provided them comfort in dark times. It means more to me than I can ever say in a hundred lifetimes. It means so much to me because that's what my writing did for me. Writing has saved me from myself on more than one occasion. Even in the darkest times writing stories has been my companion. That won't change.

You're right. Things will change. That's the nature of growth is that things will change. Some day I won't be so afraid of failure, and I'm trying to work on that. I think Fix is very much the same. Eventually, Fix realizes that even if she fails, she won't be alone. It doesn't change her. The people around her will still love her. I'm not sure I believe that yet, but I want to.

Thank you. A thousand times. Thank you.

#rainy day tag #about sprout

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creativenicocorner · 5 months

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2023 Writing Retrospective

That time of, hehe, New Year again folks, to contemplate over the rollercoaster event that was my writing journey of 2023!

I'm surprised by how much I did end up writing more than anything! And how some projects bloomed larger than I would have previously imagined. I'd like to think I've improved as well, which is inevitable made by practicing of course. I'm happier with how I write, despite knowing it isn't perfect (then again nothing is lol)

Trying the NaNoWriMo for the first time really changed things up in my approach I think, I'd like to try giving myself more of a disciplined approach to writing a little every day, even if it's one word...but I also realized just how tired I felt after November...so a soft middle ground will probably have to be found. I might try to use the website for other projects and set the deadline for far longer than just a month...we'll see!

I am happy that I'm not as disappointed with my own writing as I was with it last year...perhaps that too is a part of my growth as a writer. Could I have written more? Sure, but I've been far more wary of pushing myself and getting burned out last year. I need to remember to pace myself, to be kind, and that sometimes writing is just loafing about and doing other things and projects - and then the next thing you know WHAM 200 words pop in your head!

Anyways let's look at those cold hard numbers!!

2023 Total number of..

User Subscriptions: 17 Kudos: 341 Comment Threads: 61 Bookmarks: 81 Subscriptions: 70 Word Count: 107,804 Hits: 5,054

Top five hits/fics of 2023:

Glow Worms or rather: In the Depths of the Safflower Hills

Cold Green Tea and Colder Feet

Refrigerator Problem

Hand Rolled

Chapped Lips

2024 Goals

Honestly? To keep trying to make each new chapter / fic seem a little better than the last. Keep the progress going, while still remembering to be patient with myself (I'm not very patient with myself ^^;; )

I know I mention this often, but I'd like to attempt writing a multi-chaptered fic in its entirety before posting chapters...just once! Just to see what it is like. We'll see, we'll see... I'm not like in a hurry haha

I'd like to try and finish some of my Discworld Multi-chaptered fics...perhaps I'll use one of them in this theory, just to test it out. I'd love to get a new The Runaway's Gamble chapter out (or finish the fic this year, but I'm being soft with my goals this year) as well as get another Trial Runs and Errors chapter out (perhaps even finish the fic to start working on the next one in the Maurice and Lipwig series of shenanigans and adventures)

We'll see where my attention and heart takes me, cause it'd also be nice to get Glow Worms and Refrigerator Problem done

And yet I have so many other projects I'd like to jump into, like a Serizawa-centric serirei fic, or to finish Chapped Lips

I mean I know there's no rule in having to finish something before starting something else...technically I AM kind of working on them despite not posting anything...perhaps this is a way I could give that "finish the whole fic before posting it" a shot, or at least an attempt haha

I hope my quality continues to improve - but most of all I hope things become a little better.

If 2023 has taught me one thing, it's: let myself be surprised. And you know? I'd like to keep that energy moving forward into 2024

Thank you for reading this far!

I hope 2024 is kinder to us all than the last year, and we all grow and getting a little closer to our goals and dreams and happiness. Who knows where we'll be this time next year, hopefully it'll be a little better than today.

Anywho, stay awesome out there - don't forget to be kind to yourself and others.

And be safe

Best wishes!

#Nico blabs into the void #Nico Writes #Retrospective #progress report #Discworld #mp100 #serirei #Moist von Lipwig #The Amazing Maurice #Adora Belle Dearheart #Reigen Arataka #Serizawa Katsuya #Hanazawa Teruki #Teru #Kageyama Shigeo #Shigeo Kageyama

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sisterofficerlucychen · 2 months

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1, 2, 8, 23, 30, 35, 42, 45, 49

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

probably time, curious time that is specifically lighthearted and fluff

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

angst, fluff, idiots in love — lmao, yes. i think for the most part i’ll either write about angst or fluff or both. and the idiots in love well they were idiots in love for a hot sec there lol.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

the archer, taylor swift — so you actually put this idea in my head ♡ you answered a question a few weeks back about what song you associated with tim and it just fits so perfectly??? i can just picture each line being different points in his life from childhood, marriage falling apart, pushing everyone away, lucy breaking down those walls, etc. and his mind frame during these periods in time.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

an actual multi-chaptered story lmao. i’ve technically successfully finished one but it was a 5+1 so i don’t count it as a multi-chapter. i just want to write a story from start to finish because the idea are in my head, words are just hard to get out sometimes (most times) 😭

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

smut!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my goodness this is a freaking art. i’ve dabbled~~ but i haven’t fully written out a smut scene because it’s so hard??? i literally have a wip that is the last chapter to a fic that i’m struggling to finish because i’ll write, read it over, and then second guess myself lol. it’s affected my approach to writing in being conscious of the balance that a spicy scene needs? like when i think of the ones that i enjoy reading the most, they’re ones where feelings and emotions support the technicality of the action written.

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life?

any that deal with engagement/marriage/kids. i haven’t experienced any of that yet so writing it sometimes is a bit out of my element because i don’t really have a frame of reference for it except what i’ve seen with others and what i hope for.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

i think any comment that has something quoted back and why it stood out to the person reading or how it made them feel is just ♡♡♡ part of what i’ve always loved about storytelling is seeing what resonates with others, it's always really cool to see.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

dialogue. i’m looking back at what i’ve written and it wasn’t until the fourth fic i posted that i included a conversation between two characters haha. it’s still something that at times does feel challenging especially trying to capture different voices with the right cadence but i think i’ve gotten better at maintaining the pacing of a conversation and how it ties into the general flow of the fic.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

this will be for hold onto me 'cause i'm a little unsteady from lucy’s perspective with thinking about her own parental trauma and the fears that come from it

She hates how much of her life they’re missing out on because they can’t be proud of the daughter they have. Something she ultimately learned to accept upon finally having someone wholeheartedly believe in her. While every move and decision she makes is seen as a failure in their eyes, Tim sees the opposite; he taught her what it was to be believed in, provides the reassurance that she could never disappoint him, reminds her that she’s enough just by being who she is and how he loves her for it.

#answered #queseraone #writing asks #ask game #thanks ♡

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vesperlionheart · 5 months

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Hello｡◕‿◕｡

I have had an idea in my head for a long time. But it is large, so I wanted to ask a few things.

How do you juggle all the characters? Do you write the setting first, and then create a backstory for each character? What is the most convenient way to prescribe all this? And how not to be afraid that no one needs my idea, and I'm wasting my time on unnecessary things? If my goal is to create my own fanfic and get feedback.

I like the idea that my story will end and people will still be writing reviews 5 years from now. How do you feel when you receive feedback? When did you decide it was time to write your first story and see it through?

large world building projects are so much fun, it always feels like snuggling into a comfort blanket or sweater you can really immerse yourself in, at least for me it does.

Juggling a lot of characters can be a struggle since I'm personally a world driven type of author as opposed to the character driven and plot driven types of authors you might run across. What I mean by that is for me the world usually appears first in my mind and I have to build it out before I know exactly who lives in it or what's happening. I think the most convenient way to prescribe all the steps you want to take starts with knowing who you are as a writer and what your personal style is cause we're all made a little different. I got to know myself better as a write after reading The Curiosities, a collection of short stories by three different authors who all are a different type or have a different approach to writing. (I loved their notes to each other reviewing their stories and its a great read.) Knowing what works for you is what's most vital, and a lot of trial and error shouldn't be feared in order to better understand yourself. You'll never waste time trying to grow and improve yourself, even if you don't achieve the fame or money in the end.

For me, when I come up with a story idea, I am usually provoked by some other media I see and feel the urge to make something more suited to my tastes. I read about vampires or werewolves and wanna do my own spin on an urban high school for monsters, I get a fraction of information about some obscure mobile video game and want to run with it in a new direction that gives it lore and meaning beyond the pretty visuals. What do you enjoy reading or playing or watching? Chances are those are topics you might enjoy creating with. For me writing is like 'play' and I enjoy playing with some things more than others as my tastes change and mature with time. On the more technical side of things, in order to build a functioning story I try to make sure I have a problem in my story and I try to ensure my protagonists are characters with needs or desires that push them along through the narrative. These can change depending on the setting they're in.

When I first started writing I was like 12/13 and I just wanted to write for the fun of it and didn't know what I was doing when I posted my first fic online. I appreciated the validation of others who read my work and commented/reviewed, and I think later on that motivated me to switch up my style and try new things for the thrill of it. (No regrets, 10/10 would do again.) You asked about "how not to be afraid that no one needs my idea, and I'm wasting my time on unnecessary things?" Believe me when I say people need stories. I'm not sure about a lot of things in life but I know stories have existed as long as people have lived and there's a reason for that. We need stories as a species. Maybe you do create a story that gets 0 comments or only a few likes and clicks. It happens to most of us when we start out. We think we're making crap and never realize our fields need that fertilizer for a better harvest in the future. You'll make some bad poems and stories and mess up plays or scripts in your life and that's good as long as you don't let it stop you. Keep trying and figure out what works for you. Keep digging until you strike gold. Your brain and your soul deserve the nourishment creating gives them. Make art any way you want and don't look back.

It's fucking amazing to know someone loved what I wrote, even 5-10+ years later. It's humbling and haunting at the same time. I'll never stop being in awe of how great it is to know someone, somewhere in the world of endless possibilities, found some joy in my story. I'm forever in awe of how cool that is. But the older I get the more I realize this writing thing I do, this expression of creativity I gravitate towards, is a gift unto me for my own sake. I need to create stories. I want to live a little in these dream worlds of mine before the daylight burns it all way and makes me go back to work. Writing is a means of self preservation at this point, even though it's a lot of hard work I still mess up on. I find so much joy in the ideas I try to flesh out, so I hope you can discover for yourself the unique joy of creating too. Don't let fear hold you back. Write your story.

#I think I rambled a lot but hopefully there's something good there #asks #writing

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misssakuramochi · 7 months

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may i have a stardew valley matchup? thank you very much!

Personality, I’m very passionate inwards. Unless something small that I’m interested in pops up I wouldnt express it outwardly. I’m very levelheaded, contemplative, *opinionated*, honest with my heart on my sleeve (but I’m not fully open, more of a “I run my mouth sometimes” type of honest), individualistic, realistic but in optimistic way. Sometimes I talk a lot, and sometimes not at all. I’m pretty smart and quick on my feet. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and try to push myself and others to healthier versions of ourselves. I’m very indifferent towards many things. I am a prideful person, but i keep my wits about.

i like to read and write and listen to music and taking walks. i'm really good at explaining things in a very cohesive manner. my logic is really good, so my persuasion is good too. im very efficient and creative, which i apply to many things in real life. I tend to maladaptive daydream a lot. I like drinking juices a lot.

love languages: physical touch and quality time.

extra stuff: i’m an sx/sp and intj. i usually get taken too seriously a lot. i give good advice too.

thanks again! i will be patiently lurking 🦅🦅

I match you with...

SHANE

○ While you're more... let's call it socially apt than Shane, both of you keep a decently tight lid on yourselves. Both valuing your privacy and personal thoughts, you keep things close to your chest - until you hit the right buttons. Shame respects that you're pretty inward with your thoughts and feelings since he's the same way. It helps you understand one another.

○ Speaking of how you open up when you're passionate - that gets Shane interested like crazy. He knows you only speak up when it's important to you, so he's sure to listen when you do.

○ While some find your... push to be better and make them better in turn to be a bit much, it's actually exactly what Shane needs. Someone to tell him to smarten up, without abashedness or censorship. You're exactly that person and he'll forever love you for making him better than he once was. Not only do you push him to be better, but you give him a reason to be.

○ Shane also helps you be better. He's not the pushing type, really, but knowing he's there supporting you with all his heart is more than enough to help you strive to improve. Your opposite styles make you butt heads sometimes, but your love is strong enough to get through any small miscommunication

HEADCANONS:

○ Your first introduction to Shane in more than simple passing is you running your mouth, spouting an opinion on shit he was spewing while drunk at the bar. While it ended in him angry, he thought about the interaction -and more specifically you- for days afterwards.

○ Whenever reminds you in little ways why you love him. He fucks up sometimes, sure, but he does everything he can to make it right when he does. When you're tired he cooks, when your sad he brings you to his happy place (the coop.) It's the little ways he proves he loves you

○ Speaking of, Shane buys you a chicken. They're important to him and he wants to show you that you're important to him, so he tries to share his passion with you the way you share yours with him. He does all the work, but you get to name and love your new feathered friend.

○ Shane becomes a lot more open and expressive as you get closer too, as you teach him it's safe to have... healthy coping skills. He does the same for you, listening and caring to pull you from your daydreams when they're counter productive

#matchups #stardew valley #sdv shane

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lady-lostmind · 11 months

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Happy Steddieversary to me.

One year ago today I posted the first chapter of my first ever fanfic. I had no idea that would lead to the biggest creative spark I've had in years, or that I would find such an amazing community to be a part of. I'm so grateful for the hold this brainrot has on me.

I've found a new love for writing, I've improved my drawing, I finally made an Etsy shop, I've learned new hobbies and skills (hello bookbinding) and I've opened myself up to try so many new things I was always too shy and reserved to do before.

And I have this little fic and all of you who read it and left me nice comments and kudos to thank. So thanks.

Snippet under the cut.

Steve stares back at him. “You don’t feel like that, do you?” He asks quietly.

Eddie just stares at him, confused. “Wha-?” He starts to ask but Steve interrupts.

“Less than. Any of us. Because you aren’t.” Steve says, worry plastered on his face.

Eddie smirks and the genuine concern in Steve’s voice makes him feel warm. “It’s hard not to sometimes, honestly. I feel like I was forced on all of you.”

“We were all forced on each other, man.” Steve shifts slightly, leaning closer to Eddie and looking at where he’s twirling a ring around his finger. “You’re just as big a part of the group as anyone else. Henderson and all those idiots idolize you. I’ve never seen Robin be as much herself as she is around me with anyone else but you. You know how to get through to Max better than anyone else. We would all be lost without you, Eddie.” He reaches out and grabs Eddie’s hands to stop his fidgeting and meets his eye before whispering “I know I would be.”

Eddie feels like the whole world stops as he looks into Steve’s eyes. After what a disaster last night was, he can’t believe they’re back here, picking up where they left off. He pulls his hand from Steve’s, sensing that if this is going to happen, it’ll need to be him that pushes past the invisible boundary they’ve been dancing around for weeks.

He brushes a strand of hair from Steve’s eyes and sweeps down to cup the side of his face. Steve’s eyes widen and a deep blush spreads across his face as he leans his head into Eddie’s touch. Eddie leans forward, slowly closing the distance between them. Steve’s eyes flicker shut, and Eddie’s do the same as he reaches his lips and softly melds them together. Eddie can’t believe how soft they are. How lush and full they feel beneath his. He slides his hand into Steve’s hair, pulling him even closer to him, his lips becoming more urgent. Steve lets out a quiet moan that sets Eddie on fire.

He prods at Steve’s lips with his tongue, a silent question as he holds it there, waiting for Steve to respond. When Eddie feels his lips part he pushes into Steve’s mouth slowly, savoring the taste of him. Eddie groans as their tongues meet for the first time, tugging slightly on his handful of Steve’s hair and pulling a deeper moan from him. He feels Steve’s hand tentatively snake up his arm and grab onto his bicep. Eddie lets his hand slide to Steve’s side and is painfully reminded of the fact that Steve is only in his underwear. A thought that sends him into absolute overdrive. Every nerve in his body feels like it is standing on end. Every brush of Steve’s lips on his is sending a shock-wave through his body.

He grabs Steve’s hips and pulls him onto his lap, Steve gasping as he straddles him and moves his hands to Eddie’s hair. Eddie deepens the kiss and moves his hands to Steve’s back, feeling the strong muscles go taut as Steve lowers himself fully on Eddie’s lap. There’s no hiding the fact that they’re both extremely aroused, and when Eddie feels Steve’s full weight settle on him, he can’t help but grind his hips upward into him. They both let out a long moan, but as Eddie returns to the kiss, he finds Steve has frozen.

Eddie leans his face away, opening his eyes and searching Steve for any kind of distress, but he can’t help the giggle that escapes his lips as he takes in the shocked, wide eyed expression on Steve’s face.

Steve blushes and smacks his arm. “Don’t laugh at me, Munson!” His face is beat red, and he seems suddenly very shy about his lack of clothing.

Eddie runs his hands up Steve’s thighs, feeling triumphant when he feels Steve shiver and watches his blush deepen even more. “Sorry, you just looked extremely cute with the whole deer in the headlights thing you had going on.” He grins cockily, loving the way he’s clearly making Steve squirm.

He pats Steve’s leg and says teasingly “Was that a little too much, too quick for you, Stevie?”

Steve rolls his eyes as he falls back into his own seat on the bed. Eddie’s eyes drift over Steve’s body and he grins widely as he takes in the obvious bulge pushing against his briefs.

Steve runs his hands through his hair, making it stick up in ways Eddie hopes to accomplish himself, someday. “I just uh-hang on. I’m going to uh-put on some pants.” He’s mumbling mostly to himself.

Eddie watches as Steve pulls on a pair of discarded jeans and t-shirt from the floor, tripping on his own feet as he tries to step into the jeans. Eddie tries desperately to hold in his laugh, and Steve glares at him before he sits back on the bed.

Steve looks at him anxiously and takes a deep breath. “Okay, so. That happened.”

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