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racingliners · 1 year

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F1 Re-Watch 2022: Round 15 - the Netherlands

No I didn’t intend on watching this and Belgium so close back to back but... I just want to rip the plaster off and get it over with.

(Unrelated, this is the first of 8 races left and the Seb retirement sads are starting to come back 😭)

Anyway, I’ve never actually watched the Dutch GP yet so I’m curious to see if Zandvoort the circuit passes the vibe check or not, onwards!

iirc Verstappen wins so please let there have been some kind of good racing in the midfield and some Seb points.

I’m also starting this after 10pm so yeah lots of poor life choices made all round

but I do have chocolate

ah, opening with some windmills, just in case we had no idea where we were racing

all I’ve seen of Zandvoort is the circuit map so I am truly going into this race knowing nothing

Starting grid: Seb P19. fuck.

Lance P10 though!!

MICK P8!!!!!! LEWIS P4!!!!

Let’s not have a race and just call it a day

“Can Ferrari get it right this afternoon?” lol no. In Ferrari we do not trust.

JENSON COMMS MY SKIN IS CLEAR MY CROPS ARE NOURISHED

Sky Sports F1 at 99% is literally Ted and Jenson

right please let there be no lap 1 violence I did not enjoy Spa at all

obligatory “They’re not Max fans they’re McLaren fans” joke

[Start/Lap 1]: okay phew a mostly clean first lap thank goodness, just Lewis and Sainz getting a little too close

[Lap 2]: KEVIN NOOOOO

oh jeez he’s actually back on track damn that was so so close

Seb and Lance both up two places THAT’S MY BOYS

[Lap 3]: Kevin’s car is somehow fine despite smooching the barrier DAMN

oh damn the replay of Lewis’ start

(also OUCH that cut to Angela in the garage hurt today 😭)

[Lap 4]: *Ted klaxon*

Ted and Jenson on comms at the same race, so very blessed

[Lap 5]: “When you want a nice stress free afternoon, Fernando is not the one you want behind you” truer words have never been spoken. Assigned gremlin status by Crofty

[Lap 6]: Lewis still with the rainbow helmet we love to see it

[Lap 7]: Don’t do that, don’t give me hope that Charles can catch Verstappen

[Lap 8]: Lewis is also reallllly catching up to Sainz 👀

[Lap 10]: Alonso passes Gasly from P12

Unrelated but I cannot tell if the weird haze around the track is mist, low cloud, smoke from flares or sand dvhaeuh

[Lap 11]: Seb has somehow ended up in P20 17 secs behind Latifi, I can only assume he pitted :(

He did pit!! Cheers Ted

[Lap 12]: And Alonso passes Yuki for P11

and Seb jumped Dan at the stop 🎉

[Lap 14]: Sainz v Lewis watch: much of the same, Lewis closes with DRS on the straights but isn’t close enough for a pass yet

And Lewis up into P3 as Sainz pits

12.7 sec stop. ouch.

oh not Perez driving over an errant wheel gun, just to rub salt into the wound

[Lap 15]: Seb watch: up into P17 post-stops!!!

oh he was racing with Mick, who did a really nice pass

[Lap 18]: Charles pits. *prays*

2.5. much better.

[Lap 19]: Lewis P1. STOP THE RACE!!!!!

(I am well aware it’s bc Verstappen pitted. I still want them to stop the race)

“What happened at Carlos Sainz’s pitstop?” “A mess” avuehuhu MATTIA

when the clownery lasts for so long you eventually become self aware

I mean I’m still not on board with speaking to TPs mid race, but in this case I’ll allow it bc I cackled

Seb, Zhou, don’t do that

“Hamilton still leads Russell” oh boy that has never felt so good to hear. INJECT IT.

“He’s been passed a lot has Sebastian” the racing gods giveth and the racing gods taketh away 😭

“This is a really good situation for Mercedes” Inject it, write it into the sky, write it on post it notes and pass them out to strangers

(2015-2018 me would be disappointed in me but she fell for Ferrari v Mercedes propaganda so she doesn’t count)

Bono sighting (beloved)

[Lap 26]: lol I got way too excited and forgot my lap count soz

ANYWAY, this race isn’t terrible, not great, I’m a little warmer than whelmed

And honestly, the fact that Zandvoort is only on the calendar bc F1 want to milk Verstappen fans for cash aside, I don’t hate the circuit. There’s not that many opportunities for overtaking, but an onboard lap is nice to watch.

[Lap 28]: oop Verstappen passes Russell for P2

can we pit Lewis please I suffered through 2021 enough

[Lap 29]: Meanwhile the Ferraris are down in 4th and 6th

[Lap 30]: Phew Lewis does pit. For Hards.

[Lap 33]: Genuinely fascinated to see how the Merc 1-stop vs the RBR and Ferrari 2-stop is going to play out

[Lap 35]: Noooo slow stop for Mick

“We don’t believe we can manage to do Plan C” another race another alphabet lesson from Ferrari 😭

Permanent agony every time I see a Ferrari team radio message tbh

[Lap 36]: as it’s late at night I had to contain my yell at Lewis trying to go round the outside of turn 1. HOLY SHIT.

[Lap 37]: AND HE TAKES P3 INTO TURN 1!!!!

Seb this was not the time to come out of the pits evgesghgh

[Lap 38]: “That was Plan OMG with Checo and Lewis” Ted I utterly adore you.

[Lap 39]: Oh and Russell passes Perez too 👀

[Lap 41]: “No one’s talked about Ferrari” yes bc they’re not doing anything next question

and Perez pits for hards

Seb under investigation for ignoring blue flags akehgujahg

[Lap 44]: Yuki nooooooo

“Tyres not fitted” Alpha Tauri EXPLAIN YOURSELVES

...and Yuki’s moving again????

He’s going so slowly though

[Lap 46]: Anyway Charles pits, also for Hards

and again Mick vs Seb eagijaeigh

Yuki pits again 😬

“I know we’re near the North Sea but this is fishy” ajvhajevh Ted

ANYWAY cut to Lewis in P2

[Lap 47]: oh for god’s sake Yuki’s still going slow

to VSC or not VSC

yup VSC deployed

[Lap 49]: Verstappen, Lewis and George all pit under VSC

argh I’ve missed hearing Lewis be genuinely happy on team radio so much!!!!

[Lap 50]: VSC clear, let’s go zoom zoom

oh my days Lance P10!!!!!

[Lap 51]: 12 sec gap between Verstappen and Lewis. I am diving head first into the sea of delusion

another Bono sighting, thank you very much TV director. Your basket of pastries is in the post.

[Lap 53]: Death, taxes and Seb getting a 5 second penalty for something

oh man those replays of Lando v Alonso, sick

[Lap 55]: Me, knowing full well Verstappen wins: Yeah Lewis can totally close an 11 second gap in less than 20 laps

OH JEEZ Bottas stops right at the end of the main straight

“At least the only overtaking place is gone now” eaovhaeouh Jenson the man that you are

[Lap 56] Full safety car, as it should be

mean this race has been way more eventful than I though

[Lap 57]: Merc 1-2. I have become the sea of delusion.

or we could just stop the race that would be fine too.

[Lap 58]: The way my blood pressure just spiked upon seeing George in the pits, with the Safety car coming through the pits. Lewis still leading though.

oh grief so much pit drama, unsafe release from Sainz

Anyway Lewis P1, Verstappen P2, George P3. Stress.

I know exactly who wins. And yet I still think Lewis has a chance. I am boo boo the fool.

[Lap 60]: Safety Car ending. *distressed yelling*

I hate Safety Car restarts so much

[Lap 61]: ....

well that was fun while it lasted. Please tell me Lewis at least is on the podium

[Lap 62]: Seb watch: Into P14!!! but he still has the 5 sec pen

Okay I looked up the podium to avoid disappointment and I’m quite glad I decided to do that.

[Lap 64]: Lewis, George, can we not nearly crash out please and thanks

[Lap 65]: I am distressed Angela and distressed Angela is me

[Lap 66]: ...and Charles passes Lewis for P3. ouch.

[Lap 68]: 5 laps left. Much is happening.

Lance clinging onto P10 for dear life, Perez and Sainz thinking about starting a punch up, Lewis is pissed, Seb is still following Mick.

“Lance Stroll is lapping faster than Carlos Sainz” INJECT IT!!!

You drag that tractor Lance, go on!!!!

[Lap 70]: and there’s the Perez & Sainz violence

*insults you in Spanish* *insults you back in Spanish* *pushes you off the track*

well at least Lewis’ P4 is safe, this friends is why we don’t get too high on hopium

[Lap 72/Finish]: Verstappen wins, Russell P2, Charles P3

Lewis does indeed take P4.

LANCE P10!!!!

Seb P14 after his pen

Whew. Yeah. That was something. For some reason I fully expected the race to be dull but it actually wasn’t that bad. Yes It was a strategy race, but there was a tiny bit of racing, and both safety cars did act as a reset for the battle for the lead. And totally unrelated, but Jenson on comms was utterly superb.

7 front wings out of 10, next race: Monza!!

#F1 Re watch #F1 2022 re watch #F1 Liveblog #Dutch GP edition

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nickmacleanjazz · 2 years

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Halloween is coming up and that means another year of Brownman's MICHAEL JACKSON HALLOWEEN THRILLER! Every year the Brownman Electryc Trio filters their electric jazz madness through the entirety of Michael Jackson's iconic Thriller record and every year it is a party of incalculable fun! I've been privilged to have been their '+1' keyboardist for 7 years (this'll be my 8th!) and every year these shows end up being one the highlights of my year. This year we're touring KITCHENER, TORONTO, & GUELPH, so get your tickets while you can and join us for the madness! ---- From Press Release: Acclaimed jazz / hip-hop trumpet player BROWNMAN ALI will once again lead an all-star quartet through his popular annual HALLOWEEN THRILLER concert. The much lauded BROWNMAN ELECTRYC TRIO + 1 will perform the entire Michael Jackson "Thriller" recording, interpreted and re-worked in the Miles Davis-esque fashion this multiple National Jazz Award winning improviser has become known for. In addition to the quartet performing Thriller top to bottom, other MJ classics will be featured through the night for this unique Halloween jazz party series. Costumes and Thriller video dance moves encouraged. ---- 3 shows, 3 cities, 3 electric-jazz Halloween parties! KITCHENER

Sat-Oct-29, 10pm @ Sugar Run www.eventbrite.ca/e/435740701167 TORONTO Sun-Oct-30, 7pm @ Drom Taberna https://www.facebook.com/events/618076243184872/ GUELPH Mon-Oct-31, 7pm@ Royal City Studios www.eventbrite.ca/e/435757772227 ---- HALLOWEEN THRILLER 2022 BAND (BET + 1) :: Brownman Ali - electric trumpet :: Nick Maclean - keyboards :: Dwayne Livingstone - electric bass :: Justin McHugh - drums ---- This show features as it's "+1"acclaimed keyboardist NICK MACLEAN, a rising star in Toronto's jazz community, signee to Brownman's Browntasauras Records label & winner of 8 Global Music Awards, standing alongside 2 of Toronto's most in demand musicians : DWAYNE LIVINGSTONE on bass (from Jamaica& now highly sought after in the electric-jazz scene), and JUSTIN McHUGH on drums (a top-shelf session musician who impressive abilities span multiple genres), all under the direction of modern jazz trumpet iconoclast BROWNMAN ALI.

"Delving so deeply into that record always leaves us speechless", states Ali. "Michael birthed so many incredible tunes over the years, but his collaborations with Quincy Jones on Thriller has to be one of the most towering musical achievements in pop music ever. Using that brilliant material every year on Halloween, as jump-offs for what we do makes for a party that's both danceable, but still rooted in exploratory improvising and deep reaching solos. We approach it the way Miles might have."

The BROWNMAN ELECTRYC TRIO has won 2 National Jazz Awards, 3 Toronto Independent Music Awards for "Jazz Group of the Year", a SOCAN music award, a CBC Galaxie Rising Star Award, and an International Independent Music Award for "2015 Jazz-Funk album of the year" for the album "Gravitation", which hit number 4 on the iTunes USA jazz charts upon it's release.

“Awards are nice, naturally, but to dig what Brownman is doing, you’ve got to see him live. I had a chance to do just that over the summer when Brownman fronted his killer trio ... I came away with a blown mind. This guy’s got chops galore, soul to match, and a sense of phrasing that recalls many of the greats, but suggests itself to be his own.” -- Buffalo News

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likesrandomstuff · 3 years

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Avalance Fic Recommendations Part 4

The final part of this series. Thanks to everyone who reblogged and liked, and a huge shout-out to @heywhereisperry who encouraged and motivated me into doing this.

As I said in Part 1, feel free to add any more stories you think should be recognised to any of these posts, and my ask box is open if you would like more detail on anything.

Part 1: Bite Sized

Part 2: Snacks

Part 3: Meals

Banquets (Over 75,000 words)

When you do not have anything you need to do in the next couple of days

You're My Miracle by bihexualmess

My tags: Ava is FBI, Sara is a Private Investigator, Rip brings Sara on for a case

This just got updated the other week and ruined multiple nights of sleep for me. At almost 350k words, still going, I don’t know how to explain without spoiling stuff that happens a long way in. There are so many layers to both Ava and Sara here, and the trauma, and the issues, and the fact they will not talk to each other about anything. I jumped on this a bit late, as the title and description didn’t grab me, but oh boy, I was missing out. I did get to read a heap of it in one go, but that doesn’t help the slow burn. I would start this even though it’s still a WIP, just because it will take you a while, to read, and also the storylines need time to settle in, because they are heavy, but just amazing. It is now the longest Avalance fic with the latest update.

this is the way that we love (like it's forever) by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess

My tags: College Avalance dated and broke up, five years later they meet again, Ava’s dating someone else

This fic had me crying in the lunchroom during my second week of work because I couldn’t not read during my lunch break, and it was hitting me so hard. That was after starting it at 10pm, reading to 2am, sleeping until 6am, reading until 11am a couple of days before. Warning for major character deaths; the funeral for one is alluded to in the description. If anyone says something bad about Jordan, I will not be happy; one of the best original characters I have ever read in a fic. Sara’s not in a great place initially, but she gets there. And there’s some cute flashbacks to college Legends too.

you make me smile (please stay for a while now) by CoffeeAndArrows, moonlitprincess

My tags: High School Rivals AU, Ava’s class president, Sara is the superstar soccer captain, they have more in common than they thought

I just looked at the word count for this, and it must be the first time I have, because wow! It is a journey! There’s a couple of prequel, sequel and interjection stories in this universe too. Ava has to deal with her family not being super supportive when she comes out. Sara has to deal with Laurel struggling and their mum having a clear favourite (Laurel). Most of the Legends have really great arcs in here as well. Ava’s family is great. I wanna hang out with her little sister. Don’t be like 2018 me who gives up after the first chapter because they are mad about what Laurel is going through. She’s fine, and there’s a heap of great Sara and Laurel moments. I recently re-read the last 10 chapters, and I still couldn’t stop myself from reading like it was the first time.

i am who you used to love (and you are just a memory) by justpalsbeingals

My tags: The Vow AU, but Ava makes some better choices early on, they’re married, Ava gets into an accident and loses all memory of Sara

I hate the movie this fic is based on. The movie’s fine, and it was a delight seeing Tatiana Maslany in it while I was watching Orphan Black, but basically it is my worst-case scenario, losing my memory. The fact that this fic kept me hooked despite that, is a testament to the quality. The fic itself says “light angst”, I say it’s much, much heavier than that, but that’s just me. Warning, there are some intense twists in here, and everyone is a bit OOC to me, memory loss being considered, which might not be your thing.

and i will stumble and fall (i'm still learning to love) by lucylikestowrite

My tags: SwanQueen kid fic AU, yes, I know go with me on this, Ava adopted Sara’s unexpected baby, said kid finds Sara years later

In general, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like kid fics. Fics with future children coming back to meet their parents, or the couple going into the future? Some of my favourites ever. This has no time travel, but I trust Lucy. This story is under 75k, but the sequel is almost as long, so combined they’re over. The sequel is a WIP. I didn’t watch Once Upon a Time, but it’s the plot of the start of that, except the gay actually happens. There are a lot of issues our girls have to work through here, but the kid is so cute.

and we could try by plinys

My tags: it’s a story mostly told on twitter through fake screen shots of social media, Sara drunk messages Ava, Ava doesn’t block her

I’m sure this format of storytelling is not for everyone, and that’s okay! I was so confused by it at first. I would recommend starting with the shorter one, I can be your hero (in Part 2), just to see if you like it, before jumping into this. I read this when the epilogue, the fic, was released, and I was up until 5am because I couldn’t stop. It became part of my personality. Story wise, Sara and Ava are on different coasts, but both know Nate, Ray and Nora. Ray and Nora get engaged, and Avalance have to deal with planning that wedding, and whatever is going on with them.

take my hands now by plinys

My tags: Another Social Media twitter AU, Sara is The Canary, Ava is trying to arrest vigilantes, Nate accidently gives Ava Sara’s number

Another brilliant twitter story. Some of our gang is trying to arrest the other half. Sara knows who Ava is, Ava doesn’t know that Sara is the person she’s chasing. Everyone has public twitter accounts. Sara actually gets [spoiler villain] to stop an attack by sending them money for a drink.

your eyes, they shine so bright by plinys

My tags: Social Media AU, everyone works for not Buzzfeed, a colab series is pitched, Sara and Ava’s teams have to work together

Ava makes factual videos, Sara does not, they are forced to work together. Nate is everyone’s boss technically, but they do what they want. Nate and Ava are non-biological siblings, and Satan Camp is a running gag. Oh, fake dating is in there too!

right to the top, don't hold back by SJAandDWfan

My tags: American Ninja Warrior AU, Sara’s a veteran and the Legends train together, Ava’s a rookie, rivals to training partners to friends to …

I re-read this every year when the new Australian season comes out. It’s so burned into my brain that when I was watching the speed climbing at the Olympics I genuinely thought “I wonder how Amaya would go in this?”. Amaya’s pre-Ninja experience is rock climbing in this fic. I learnt so much about Ninja Warrior and how the show (at least in this universe) works, and it’s fascinating. Would recommend watching some clips if you’re unfamiliar with the concept. The story goes pretty in detail about the courses. For recommendations, either Jessie Gaff, who was a S1 Supergirl stuntwoman, or Australia’s own Olivia Vivian, who is just stages better than our next female.

biding our time (until tomorrow) by TheTruthAboutLove

My tags: Period setting AU, Ava’s too noble for her own good, Oliver’s dad is the villain

This was a really cool experiment. Basically, told in lots of mini chapters like a soap opera. I do not know much about this period of American history, but it did not matter. A lot of different Arrow-verse peeps show up along the way. I’m sure I complained out loud “you’re allowed to want things Ava!” at some point. There’s an attempt for fake dating, and it’s not the homophobia but the second daughter problem that gets them.

Click here to see all the parts

#Avalance fic rec #Avalance #Sara Lance #Ava Sharpe #fanfiction

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lillupon · 3 years

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Hi. How are you? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read chapter 13, I love it so much.

What I love about the MinWon relationship now, since chapter 12, is that now Wonwoo reciprocates Mingyu’s advances. Except, of course, the embarrassing ones, which, can’t really blame him, lol.

Even though, AEV is in Wonwoo’s POV, you’re able to describe Mingyu’s character really well. It’s adorable how head over heels and totally whipped Mingyu is for Wonwoo now. I love imagining that Mingyu wakes up quite a bit before Wonwoo when he stays over, but he doesn’t move, because Wonwoo is sprawled over him, drooling over his chest. And Mingyu has to pee, but Wonwoo was in such deep sleep, he doesn’t want to wake up Wonwoo. So he stays in that position, completely endeared by Wonwoo, until Wonwoo moves after which he runs to pee, lol.

After freshening up, our Mingoo decides to make breakfast for Wonwoo. He doesn’t know if this was what people generally do after staying over, because he’d only dated people his age before, all of whom lived with their parents, so there hadn’t been any sleeping over before. But Mingyu is a good cook and he wants to impress Wonwoo, damn it! Even though, something tells him that Wonwoo was already pretty impressed with him and he doesn’t really need to make much effort, but he still wants to. He can already hardly believe that incredible man wants him. He’s going to do whatever it takes to keep him.

When Wonwoo calls them boyfriends, and Mingyu totally loses control, I’ll bet they don’t even make it to the bedroom. Mingyu turns the stove off; breakfast can wait, he’s already spent all of his self control not ravishing Wonwoo when he saw him in his shirt. He just grabs Wonwoo’s by his thighs, makes him wrap them around his waist and just takes Wonwoo against the nearest wall. He probably makes Wonwoo keep his shirt on, while he asks him to call him his boyfriend again, like,

“Say it again,” Mingyu growls against Wonwoo’s ears as he slips in and out of Wonwoo, nice and deep. “Say what we are.”

“Boyfriends,” Wonwoo gets out, not able to deny his alpha anything. He moans, loud and clear, because he can now that it’s just the two of them in the privacy of his home.

“Again,” Mingyu straight out demands now, pounding into the omega. HIS omega.

“B-boy.. ah.. boyfriends,” Wonwoo rasps out, lolling his head back against the wall, as Mingyu hits his sweet spot. “We’re boyfriends.”

“Fuck,” Mingyu says, voice rough, before crashing his mouth against Wonwoo.

I’ve never written smut in my life, and while this wasn’t really full blown smut, it was enough to embarrass the crap out of me.

Have a great week.

UH HOLY SHIT! I combusted reading this Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→ I love the way you write whipped alpha Mingyu.

Oh my god, drooling Wonwoo! He truly conked out after their bedroom activities lmao. I imagine AEV-Wonwoo being quite strict with his sleeping schedule. Like, In-bed-by-10PM strict. Staying up late, getting dicked dumb by Mingyu, and then spending hours whispering pillow talk to each other took a lot out of poor Wonwoo.

So cute that Mingyu held his bladder so that he wouldn’t disturb Wonwoo’s sleep (ಥ﹏ಥ) Wow, imagine what’s going through Mingyu’s head when he woke up that morning. Part of him thought that it had all been a dream. So when he opens his eyes and sees Wonwoo’s dark head on his chest, when he feels Wonwoo’s weight atop him... He’s in heaven. Wonwoo smells of content and satiated omega. Pride swells in Mingyu’s chest. He did that. And maybe it’s asking for too much, too soon, but he wants to share more mornings with Wonwoo that are just like this one.

Mingyu really showed his alpha side with that little smut snip you wrote OMg!! So hot ( ╥ω╥ ) Wonwoo is still soft and ready from last night; Mingyu slips in like he belongs there. Wonwoo koala-clings to his alpha: arms wrapped around Mingyu’s shoulders, thighs tight around Mingyu’s waist and his toes curled with pleasure. The position has Mingyu hitting the deepest parts of him. He’s seeing stars, it feels so good. Mingyu’s demands of, “Say it again. Say what we are,” gets him wetter than any dirty talk ever could. That, combined with the display of alpha strength--Mingyu bears his weight so easily--has an orgasm shaking out of him embarrassingly fast.

Aww, and I bet it takes them a long time to say good-bye after! They’ve both showered. Mingyu is all dressed up and ready to go (sans hoodie, since Wonwoo has now claimed a second one for his collection). They loiter at the door, squeezing in some last-minute conversation and kisses. Wonwoo has his fingers curled loosely into the front of Mingyu’s shirt.

“You’ll text me when you get home?”

“M-hm,” Mingyu says.

“Okay,” Wonwoo says. “Bye, then. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Video call tonight?”

“Yeah,” Wonwoo says. The way things are going, Mingyu might just end up spending the night again. They’ve been trying to say goodbye for the past hour, and Mingyu is still here.

#asks #aev bonus

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heavenly-roman · 4 years

Text

Sibling Culture™️

Plot: A series of events in which Roman and Remus enact peak Sibling Culture™️

Warnings: swearing, mild sexual references (aka remus being remus), a lil bit of insecurity and sibling rivalry, sympathetic remus

Pairing(s): creativitwins, mentioned/implied intruality, mentioned/implied roceit

Word Count: 1634

if you liked this, consider buying me a coffee?

Taglist: @emo-disaster @shitpost-sides @gattonero17

(ao3 link!!!)

+++

The incessant knocking on Roman’s door persists, despite Roman calling for whoever it is (Remus, definitely Remus), to come in.

After another forty-five seconds of knocking, of which Roman seriously contemplates jumping out the window, the door swings open. Remus stands there, not making a noise, until Roman groans and looks at him.

His brother is t-posing - Roman genuinely considers closing the door in his face.

“What are you doing?” Roman asks.

“Simple.” Remus responds, keeping his position. “I’m t-posing in your doorway to establish dominance as the better twin.”

“You’re not the better twin.”

Remus makes an offended noise, and Roman watches him carefully. Normally, the younger twin would make some sort of offended or crude gesture. Today, however, he is unmoving. “I am clearly the better twin, as I am currently t-posting and establishing my dominance. Try to keep up, Ro.”

“Is that all you wanted?” Roman sighs.

“Oh, dinner’s ready too,” Remus shrugs and walks away, leaving the door wide open. Bewildered, Roman follows.

+++

H. Duke (9:31pm): roman

H. Duke (9:32pm): roman!!

H. Duke (9:34pm): romAN

H. Duke (9:34pm): ROMAN

H. Chandler (9:35pm): WHAT DO YOU WANT REMUS

H. Duke (9:37pm): i lost the game >:D

H. Chandler (9:38pm): i will END YOU

+++

Roman sighs and reluctantly knocks on Remus’ door, calling to him, “Remus, can you help me?”

“Depends,” Remus swings the door open, mischievous smirk gracing his lips. “What do you want, and what can you do for me?”

Holding out his notebook and textbook, Roman explains, “can you check that my answers are right? I can’t be in the musical if I fail math again.”

Remus gives him an expectant look, so he continues, “I’ll do your laundry for a week.”

“A month.”

“Two weeks.”

“Deal,” Remus nods and holds out his hand to shake. Roman shakes it, then hands the books to his brother, who promptly flops down into his desk chair. Roman stands anxiously as Remus compares their homework, hope growing in his stomach when Remus looks up at him with a soft smile and nods.

“They look good, Ro,” he stands, giving the books back to his twin. “You’re getting the hang of it, I’m proud of you.”

“Oh, uh, thank you, Re.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Remus shrugs. “Now get out of my room, I’m playing Minecraft.”

+++

H. Duke (11:37am): hey beefbrain are u going out for lunch?

H. Chandler (11:38am): yes why?

H. Duke (11:39am): bring me back a cheeseburger

H. Chandler (11:41am): why would I do that??? you literally just called me beefbrain???

H. Duke (11:42am): remember that time I proofread your math homework so you could audition for the wizard of oz?

H. Chandler (11:43am): ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

H. Chandler (11:43am): extra onion right?

+++

Roman skips up the stairs, shrugging his backpack off as he opens his bedroom door. Flicking on the light, he holds back a scream as he notices Remus lounging on his bed.

“Ah, Roman King, so nice of you to join me.”

“What are you doing in my room, Remus?” Roman rolls his eyes and closes the door. He crosses his arms over his chest as Remus stands.

“Let me paint you a picture, dear brother,” Remus begins dramatically pacing around the room - it’s times like this Roman can truly see the resemblance. “You see, I entered your room in pursuit of one thing, and one thing only - your white crop top with the skull on it.”

“In the hamper.”

“Thank you. But while looking in your closet, I found something. Any guesses?”

Roman sighs, “Your green army jacket?”

“My green army jacket!” Remus pulls the coat from behind his back and holds it up for the older twin to see. “Anything to say for yourself, thief?”

“Remus, you literally just admitted to coming in here to steal a shirt of mine. I think I’m allowed to borrow a jacket.”

“Nuh uh, I have a right as your younger sibling to steal your clothes.”

“You’re only twenty minutes younger than me?”

“Doesn’t matter, still my birth right.”

“Fine,” Roman slumps down onto his bed. “Take the shirt, and wash it before you give it back?”

“You’re doing my laundry for the next week and a half so i think you’ll be washing it.”

+++

H. Chandler (10:03am): hey

H. Chandler (10:03am): wizard of oz auditions are today at lunch

H. Duke (10:05am): and? why should I care?

H. Duke (10:06am): wait wait I get it

H. Duke (10:06am): break a leg I guess

H. Chandler (10:11am): not what I was getting at, but thank you

H. Chandler (10:12am): you should audition

H. Chandler (10:12am): I think you’d make a great wizard

H. Duke (10:15am): ur hilarious

H. Duke (10:15am): absolutely not

H. Chandler (10:17am): why not?

H. Duke (10:17am): I have no talent

H. Duke (10:18am): you’re the one mom and dad are super proud of, remember?

H. Chandler (10:21am): Remus, shut up. You’re one of the most talented people I’ve ever met

H. Chandler (10:22am): you’re related to me, afterall

H. Chandler (10:22am): mom and dad are proud of you too, by the way

H. Duke (10:25am): fine

H. Chandler (10:27am): fine????

H. Duke (10:28am): fine, i’ll audition, but only to get you off my back

H. Chandler (10:32am): love you too!!!

H. Duke (10:33am): you’re also buying me lunch

+++

The auditorium door barely closes behind him before Roman is bombarding him with questions.

“How did it go? What did they say? How do you feel? What-”

“Roman.”

“Sorry.

Remus motions for them to walk as he begins speaking, “It went well, I guess. They said I was ‘very promising’, whatever that means.”

“Remus, that’s amazing!” Roman exclaims. He fishes his car keys from his pocket and unlocks the door, sliding into the driver’s seat. “This calls for celebratory milkshakes.”

“We only do that when you get the role, dumbass.”

“But I know that you’re going to!”

“Look, Ro, I-” Remus sighs, turning in the passenger seat to face his brother. “Don’t get my hopes up, okay? The audition… felt good, yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything. I’ve seen you study really hard for tests and feel good about them and then fail, you know? Feeling good does nothing, and I barely prepared for it.”

The silence in the car was thick, both of them sitting in the truth of Remus’ words, before Roman speaks up again.

“Well,” He says, starting the car. “I guess we really do need those shakes.”

+++

H. Chandler (4:46pm): stop talking to patton, he’s my friend not yours

H. Duke (5:07pm): sorry what was that? I was busy getting my dick sucked by patton

H. Chandler (5:08pm): OH MY GOD

H. Chandler (5:08pm): TMI??????????????

H. Duke (5:10pm): kidding kidding

H. Chandler (5:11pm): oh thank god

H. Duke (5:13pm): i was sucking HIS dick

H. Chandler (5:14pm): REMUS WHAT THE FUCK

H. Duke (5:17pm): im kidding again

H. Duke (5:17pm): we’re studying, calm down

H. Chandler (5:18pm): don’t you EVER do that to me again

H. Duke (5:26pm): yeah whatever

H. Duke (5:26pm): i’ll stop hanging out with patton if you stop hanging out with dee

H. Duke (5:27pm): hE’s mY fRiEnD nOt YoUrS

H. Chandler (5:31pm): bold of you to assume dee and I are just friends

H. Chandler (5:32pm): but alright, I concede, as long as you never try to tell me about your real or imaginary sex life again

H. Duke (5:38pm): deal

+++

“They posted the cast list!” Roman jumps up and down in front of his brother. “Should we go check together?”

Remus grimaces, “I think I’m good, you can check it yourself.”

“Remus,” Roman frowns. “A wise man once told me to always receive news first hand, and that’s why he would never check cast lists for me.”

“You already know your news.” Remus picks at the olives in his salad.

“But you don’t know yours!” Roman insists.

“Roman.”

“Remus.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Check it for me.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“ Please .”

“Fine.” Remus pushes his chair out and stands. “But only to shut you up.”

“And that’s how you win the game, folks.”

Remus rolls his eyes and pushes past Roman who makes an offended noise and follows him. His steps become smaller as he grows closer to the auditorium door where the cast list is posted. Nervously, he asks, “Check it first?”

Roman nods sympathetically and makes his way to the door. “Do you want me to read it out loud?” He asks.

“Please.”

“Scarecrow: Roman King. Tin Man: Dee Lyre. Cowardly Lion: Patton Hart. The Wizard-”

“Wait,” Remus interrupts. “Let me read this one.”

“By all means.”

Remus takes a deep breath and reads the list, “The Wizard: Remus King.”

Roman cheers, and Remus joins in too. They’re practically screaming by the time they reach the cafeteria again, but no one bothers to stop them.

+++

H. Chandler (1:56pm): so, celebratory milkshakes after school?

H. Duke (1:59pm): you know it

H. Duke (2:00pm): oh and bring a mayo jar so I can put my shake in it and freak people out

H. Chandler (2:03pm): absolutely not, plans cancelled

H. Duke (2:04pm): :(

H. Chandler (2:08pm): ugh okay fine plans uncancelled but i'm not bringing a mayo jar

H. Duke (2:09pm): :D

H. Duke (2:09pm): and it’s fine i have my own

H. Chandler (2:11pm): not even gonna ask

H. Chandler (2:14pm): oh and remus?

H. Duke (2:15pm): yeah?

H. Chandler (2:21pm): I lost the game

#creativitwins #tag this as remrom and face my blade #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #roman sanders #implied intruality #implied roceit #are any of u surprised? i couldn't help myself ok #high school au #once again are any of u surprised? u shouldn't be #creativitwins fluff #bennie’s books

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alexlabhont · 4 years

Text

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter Four.

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing: Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really

I´ll be posting this one over here because Tumblr, for some reason, thinks my secondary blog is a bot...

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

Now, about the PAIRING... I will be using choices style, kinda, because I want to give you choice at some point. If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so... i’m sorry fo the grammar errors

CHAPTERS

The beginning

Chapter one

Chapter two

Chapter three

ONE-SHOTS

Just a dance (Zoey x MC)

——————————————————————

“What the hell are you doing?”

Zoey Wade. The nerve of this girl of interrupt her meal. Poppy took the time to leave her fork down before bury her gaze into the other girl.

“I should be asking you the same thing. Who do you think you are to talk to me?” She asked exasperated.

So far she was doing good, the last details of her plan were tuned, the day to destroy Chloe and take back her very deserved number one place had come. The excitement she get every time she made a perfect move in order to obtain what she wants was in her veins, but of course, something had to happen. Or someone.

“Don’t play the fool, Poppy. It doesn't suit you. I'll ask once again: What are you doing with Beck?”

“Oh, what do we have here…?” She thought, intrigued.

“I’m sorry, did you crashed your head against the pavement or why do you think I owe you an explanation?” Poppy pushed her salad aside, her appetite completely gone because of the insolence. This Nobody thought she could come and disrespect her in her own spot of the cafeteria like they were in the same level. Zoey was seriously stupid. “Whatever me and Beck are doing is not you fucking business, Wade. Why don’t you just get a life a little less pathetic and go on with it.”

The spark in Zoey’s eyes changed, a little mix between anger and a cold serious look that, Poppy had to admit, scare her for a split second and then… jealousy? The other girl leaned on the table towards her, threatening, trying to intimidate her, but Poppy stood still, not giving her the pleasure to give in to her ridiculous games. Especially feeling all those eyes over them, people murmuring and whispering. She couldn’t let her have her way.

“Listen very closely, Min-Sinclair: I care about Beck and we all here agree you’re a selfish bitch. I know you’re not up to something good, so I will do everything on my power to make sure Beck’s far away from you claws.” That was so ridiculous that Poppy cracked a smile, making fun of Wade. She couldn't even be mad with a clown like her. “I’m telling you now, back off…”

The two of them kept that position a few second, a fight between wills neither of them wanted to loose. Finally, was Zoey the first to walk away, falsely believing her message was received.

Oh, Zoey… as if you could do something to stop her from her aims.

“Hey, Zoey?” Poppy called, the daggers in her mouth ready to hurt her really bad. “Why would anyone be interested in you while they have me?” Zoey stopped immediately, the strike hitting the spot. Poppy smirked, understanding everything right in the moment. Zoey likes Beck, it was so clear it actually felt cliché

“Ha! This must be entertaining.” Poppy thought, enjoying the effect of her words in Zoey.

“You’re just a three-digit fool who hasn't learn her place. Why don't you save yourself from humiliation and forget about Beck completely?” The strawberry blonde smiled at Zoey with a friendly smirk. “You know? My day with them yesterday was really good, so I'm feeling generous.” Poppy took her things and walked to be face to face with Zoey, who was getting red from frowning. “I’m forgetting about everything you just said and giving you a second chance. You see? I’m making you a favor! Your welcome, sweetie.” She added with an obviously pretentious voice before going out the cafeteria.

Even though she looked calm and perfect as always, inside Poppy was furious.

How she dares!

What the hell was wrong with that loser? Does she really was that horny for Beck?

“Well… if she was, I couldn't really blame her…” Poppy thought.

She wasn’t lying back at the shelter; she really thought they were cute. The way they looked at the animals, that stupid, goofy smile and congratulations Beck gave the puppies and kittens everytime Piper told them they did a great job. Poppy had a lot of fun doing the commercial, so much so she couldn’t help but be so honestly involved in the making, enjoying every part of it, in fact, Beck was different from how they’re act in Belvoire everytime they both meet.

They weren’t infuriating, insulting, a ranking climber, selfish dude who played the game even better than she expected. Actually, while having lunch, Beck was… fine. A big asshole from time to time but in a funny way. Pretending to be so nice and shit was actually easier than she thought around Beck, she was even glad to have them now at ten spot. Definitely she did a good choice.

But now, Zoey had to come and ruin her everything. And it actually pissed off Poppy badly. Beck didn’t need a personal protector, and Poppy didn’t need competition. She believed it would be easier to have Beck, at first she thought it was because they were trans, she read about it online: most people wouldn't date a trans person because… reasons.

But Belvoire proved to be different: it turns out Beck had a lot of friends, and a lot of girls daydreaming about them as usually they do around Alphas, admiring them secretly while doing exercises in the gym, trying to dance with them in parties… but Beck refused all of them. They were shy, they looked uncomfortable with anyone.

Anyone except Zoey Wade.

The both were really close, always together like Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Before all this, the very same Poppy had seen them hugging, flirting and practicing music together. Still, the strawberry blonde never thought of her as a threatening opponent. But now, Zoey Wade just make herself a target to eliminate, maybe not this time, after all, she did give her a second chance. She was a woman behind her own word.

But… She still had to do something. So she quickly took off her phone, typing a message to the matter at hand.

Poppy:

So here’s the plan

I'll need you to meet me at this address at 10pm sharp

Don't disappoint me, tushi-face 😏

She waited a few seconds, almost a minute. What took them so long?

Tushi-face🤡:

What? Why?

Poppy:

You'll have to trust me 😉

She looked at her screen, waiting for Beck’s answer. What were they doing? Texting Zoey? Her patience was running low when a little buzz alerted her.

Tushi-face🤡:

This can't be good. I'm not going

Were they serious?! Beck was playing with her kindness more than they should. No good at all.

Poppy:

Coward 🙄

Tushi-face🤡:

I'm not a coward

Quick answer. Poppy smirked mischievously. Beck always gave her a lot of information to work with, so transparent it was almost a sin to take advantage of it. Almost.

Poppy:

Prove it 💅🏻

Typing… typing… nothing… typing… typing…

Tushi-face🤡:

I’m going to regret this, am I?

Poppy:

Sending the location now

With a smug smile, Poppy send to Beck the location where the Club Malibu was. It was a exclusive place where only the elite could go. Yes, she said Zoey was temporarily off limits… but she didn't say she wouldn't be taking her chances up.

Tushi-face🤡:

Clubbing? Not my kind of place really

Poppy:

Ew, when you put it like that you sound so boring

Tushi-face 🤡:

Why do you want me there anyways?

Poppy:

All in due time, Farmsville

All in due time 😘

~~X~~

Poppy check the hour in her phone once again, it was almost 10 pm and she was already expecting Beck to show up because of the paranoia. Her foot tapping repeatedly against the floor it was the proof everyone around her needed to know she was nervous. What the hell took them so long? Did Beck decided to ditch her last minute?

Was it Zoey Wade´s fault?

She swore to god she´ll kill the girl after a humiliating and memorable reve…

“Could you calm down already? They already here” She heard Bradley say and immediately look right at the door, where Beck was being escorted to the V.I.P. area just like she asked for.

Damn, the dude knew their ways.

Beck was looking fucking hot, the black scheme really suits them and the way the shirt showed his muscles caused a lot of eyes stick to them as thirsty bastards. To top it all, the song playing in the back and Beck´s expressions were on point to make them look sexy as hell. Feeling a pang of jealousy, Poppy frowned. At what point will this bitches stop looking Beck like a piece of meat? Disgusted, Poppy stood up from her seat, very willing to show all these whores who they were competing against. With a sexy and confident smirk, the strawberry blonde walked towards Beck, sashaying her hips seductively, quickly catching Beck´s gaze.

And she loved it.

She could see the gasp, how the air escaped their lungs and redness taking over their face. Oh how she adored to cause that effects in Beck, all those girls didn’t have a chance. Embracing their strong arm, Poppy smile at them leaning her body against them, drawing a property line.

“Hey there, Tushi-face. I´m glad to see you´re not totally incapable of following directions.” She greeted them, leading the way to the exclusive section.

“Nice to see you too, Poppy.”

“Really? That was all?”

“I have to say… You´re looking fine tonight”

“Yeah, that´s what I thought”

“Is that your attempt at flattery, Farmsville?” She was not going easy on them.

“I´m not stupid enough to try and flatter you. I was just stating facts.” Oh god, that was so cliché she even scoffed. How many times have her hear that before? But something about Beck being the one to say it, turned her perfect pout into a haughty smile. As she was saying, pretending with Beck was easy, it came to her naturally, effortless.

“Maybe you´re more observant than I gave you credit for. I like it. And I have to say, I´m shocked. For once you don’t look completely unfortunate. And here I thought you were a total lost cause.” She joked, smiling just like before while having lunch.

“Wow, back to squared one already with sucking compliments?” Beck smirked, a total funny jerk.

“Try not to push your luck, Farmsville. You don´t want to be on my bad side, again.”

“Really? I don’t see the difference.” They pointed out, testing her. Poppy came closer to them, completely pressing her body against Beck´s arm, letting them feel her heat, her breast, her perfume. The distance between the two was so close that Poppy could feel their fresh breath, her own heart beating fast, excited as she whispered in their ear.

“Stay with me through the night and I promise I´ll give you a taste of the differences…”

Their dilated pupils, the small, imperceptible shiver in their body and that cute yet sexy gesture in their face that appeared after Poppy move away was all she needed to see. She actually liked them…

And she was gonna have them.

-----

#zoey wade #queen b zoey #queen b choices #choices #trans #ftm #poppy x mc #malemc #poppy min sinclair #bea hughes #Beck Hughes #choices stories you play #choices poppy #choices queen b mc #mc x poppy

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abrakophile · 3 years

Text

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE.

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP.

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

#very personal but where the fuck am i gonna put them? you know where i kinda cant lose them?#letters from the guy that was my dad #pt 1 #long post

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rhinoswriting · 3 years

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5, 4, 3, 2, 1! (Luke Hemmings One Shot)

Summary: Told from an unnamed, female-presenting character's perspective. Luke and the reader confess that they have feelings for one another at the New Year's Eve party she hosts.

3.3k~ words • Fluff

***********************

I was frantically mixing my cake batter together when I heard my doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting Michael to turn up until 4pm. So either he was uncharacteristically early or I was running further behind schedule than I thought. I glanced at my watch as I trotted from the kitchen to the front door. It was 4:07pm. I could feel the stress and panic expand in my body. I was stressed enough when I thought I was just 20 minutes behind schedule. I was actually running over an hour behind. I knew hitting snooze would be a mistake.

"Hey!" Michael greeted me with his usual Labrador level of cheer when I flung the door open.

"I'm so glad you're here," I confessed, the words tumbling out of my mouth as fast as I could form them, "I'm running so, so far behind schedule."

"Chill; it's fine." Michael chuckled while pulling me into a friendly hug, "I'm here to help set up, so we'll make up time."

"You're stealing precious seconds," I mumbled into the front of his shoulder as I tried to end the hug, "I needed my cake in the oven 15 minutes ago. It won't have cooled enough to ice properly before people arrive now."

Micheal unwrapped his arms from around my torso to let me run back to my cake batter in the kitchen. He followed behind with an amused smile and calm energy.

"What can I do to help stop you freaking out? Decorate? Set up the bar? Pour snacks into bowls?" Michael asked as I searched a cupboard for a cake tin.

"AH-HA!" I exclaimed, grabbing a cupcake tray and grinning manically, "Cupcakes don't take as long to bake! We've got 15 minutes back!"

"Shit, I didn't realise you were stressed to the point of deranged." Michael half-joked.

"Shut up and prep the bar." I ordered while starting to spoon batter into paper cases, "Please!" I added as an afterthought behind him.

Just as I'd put the cupcakes in the oven and set a timer, Michael reappeared in the kitchen.

"Right, the bar is all set. I've also put anything that look potentially breakable in the nearest cupboard or drawer." He informed me, "Also Luke texted me, so I talked him into coming over to help too."

"You are a life saver, Cliffo." I smiled, now feeling a bit more relaxed.

The two of us then went about checking off various tasks to get my house party-ready. About 25 minutes in my doorbell rang.

"That'll be Luke!" I called out to Michael as I made why way to the door, "Heya! Come on in." I greeted Luke as I pulled the door open.

Luke walked through the door, his duffle bag hung off his shoulder, and smiled down at me,

"Everything going okay? You look more flustered than Mike let on."

"I'm great. I'm great." I assured him, "We've made up some time and now we've got you too. So it's fine. I'm fine."

"Whatever you say," he chuckled, "Let me go dump my bag in your room so I can get changed later and then I'll be your devoted servant ready to follow orders."

"I'm going to need to head off," Michael announced after checking the time of his phone, "It's nearly 6 and I've gotta go walk to dogs, eat and get ready. I'll see you guys at 8."

"See ya in a bit!" Luke called after us as I walked with Michael to the door.

"Thanks so much for helping, Cliffo." I said as I hugged him goodbye, "The place looks great and I feel a lot more relaxed now. See you later."

I waved him off down the front path. Once he reached the gate I closed the door and headed back to the lounge.

"So what's left to do?" Luke asked when I re-entered the room.

"We're going to the kitchen to ice those cupcakes. And after that it'll just be a case of getting ready ourselves." I smiled at him gratefully, "We should even have time to start pre-drinking now that we've regained some time. Thanks for your help."

"No worries," he said returning my smile and then headed to the kitchen, "Now let's get icing."

After such a rushed, blur of a day it was unbelievably calming to methodically ice and embellish cupcakes with a friend I had such a comfortable connection with. It made me imagine the two of us playing out homely scenarios in romantic bliss. But that was an ideal world. In the real world we were just two friends with natural chemistry, so I tried to curb my imagination.

"Are you bothering with any new year's resolutions?" I asked, knowing that conversation would keep my mind from wandering back to its dream world.

"I always break them and only half-heartedly make them in the first place." He responded as he dropped little, silver sugar balls onto the lilac icing I had just swirled onto a cupcake, "Getting in shape is always one; listening to critics less; getting at least one full night of sleep next year would be nice too."

I laughed at his last resolution as I placed a loveheart sweet on another cupcake.

"What about you?" He asked.

"Getting in shape would be one of mine too if I weren't so lazy," I began, "I'm thinking of going vegetarian, so maybe that too. I might start dating too, now that I'm settled in the city, but it's still a bit terrifying."

"Yeah, the dating scene here is rough." Luke responded flatly.

"Well, it looks like we're done here." I chirped as I placed the last of the 20 cupcakes back on the counter. I smiled down at the four rows of cupcakes, with their lilac icing, silver balls and carefully centered loveheart toppings, "We did good! Now let's get ready so we can get drinking!"

Luke followed me into my bedroom, where he had dumped his bag earlier. As he began pulling out the crumpled clothes he had haphazardly stuffed in the bag earlier, I opened my closet door and began picking our various items. In the end I had four potential outfits draped over my left forearm.

"How dressed up are you meant to get for a New Year's Eve party in your own home?" I inquired, not knowing which outfit to go with.

"It's your house and you're the host, so get as dolled up as you want I guess." He answered; his hand hovering between a shirt and a t-shirt he'd laid out on my bed, not sure which one to go with.

"That's not the helpful answer I wanted," I teased before continuing, "What are you wearing then? I'll gauge my outfit off of yours."

"It's currently between this vintage Guns n' Roses tee or the pale yellow shirt. Which d'you think?"

I walked over to my bed for a closer look at his two options. I told him to go with the vintage GnR t-shirt as it went better with his black skinny jeans and wouldn't show alcohol stains as easily as the pastel lemon shirt. He then proceeded to carelessly stuff the shirt back into his duffle bag and switch the t-shirt he had on for the Guns n' Roses one. He was so used to dressing rooms that a quick shirt change in front of someone wasn't a big deal. Nevertheless I still politely attempted to avert my gaze and turn my attention back to my outfit for the night.

Using his outfit as guidance, so I was at least on the same level as someone that night, I opted for my distressed Metallica t-shirt and my favourite leather-look mini skirt. As I wasn't as comfortable getting changed in front of people, especially those I had bottled up feelings for, I told Luke to go and grab the denim jacket I knew he kept in his car.

"It'll complete the look." I told him when he questioned why I was telling him to get a jacket for a house party, "I'll get changed and started on my make-up while you get it. Then we can concoct some cocktails."

Once Luke had left my room I slipped out of my bike shorts and loose v-neck and into my chosen outfit for the night. I looked at myself in the full length mirror attached to the closet door and did a few little half spins to check out how I looked from various angles. I loved the look. I particularly liked the subtle flash of my bright red triangle bra through some of the little holes and tears in the black fabric of my Metallica t-shirt. It gave me an added touch of confidence.

I already had make-up on; but it was just foundation, mascara and the nearest brown eyeshadow I could find to fill in my brows. I pulled my liquid eyeliner pen from my make-up bag and began outlining a wing. Just as I was finishing up my second eye, Luke entered my bedroom again.

"Jesus! You made me jump!" I exclaimed when I first caught a glimpse his reflection behind me in the mirror.

"Sorry," he laughed, "I left the front door ajar while I ran to the car. Didn't want to disturb you and get you all stressed again."

"Aww, well thanks I guess," I said awkwardly while applying my berry red liquid lipstick, "Right, I think I'm done." I announced turning to face Luke who was leant up against my doorframe.

Luke straitened up to standing and unfolded his arms, moving his hands into his pockets.

"You look great," He smiled sweetly down at me, "Really great."

I thanked him as I approached him and linked my arm through his. Arm-in-arm I led him to the bar area Michael had set up at the far end of my lounge.

We were both on our third cocktail, sprawled out on my corner sofa and listening to Nimrod when guests started arriving.

"Ayyyy! Cool Guy Cal!" I greeted Calum at the door, who was shortly followed by Roy, Ash and Sasha.

Michael, Georgie, Joel and Christina were next to arrive. Shortly followed by Rian and Bailey. Then Alex, Lisa and Jack turned up and the guest list was complete.

By 10pm everyone was suitably drunk, my carefully crafted playlist was being appreciated and the party was in full swing. Like all good house parties, the kitchen was nearly as crowded as the lounge.

"Coming through! This lady wants a snack!" I declared as I tipsily weaved through Jack, Ash, Christina, Luke and Georgie to get to the snack bowls.

"Really? Tiny pretzels?" Ash asked with a mischievous grin, "I thought Luke over here would be your first choice snack."

"Aha, you're funny." I said sarcastically. I hoped my cheeks already had an alcohol flush so no one would notice that his sly comment had made me blush.

"No, no, she said she's ready for the dating scene here. So I'm just those bar peanuts that have been left out for a questionable amount of time." Luke jumped in, randomly gesticulating with the cup in his hand.

"Oh shut up; you are not. You know you're just as good as tiny pretzels." I scolded him before turning to Ashton with the cupcake I had just picked up with the loveheart that read 'Bite Me', "This is specially for you, Ash."

"'Bite Me', ooh that cuts deep." Ashton chuckled before taking a bite, "I stand by what I said though." He spoke through his barely chewed mouthful.

I simply rolled my eyes at him and made my way back to the lounge to pour another drink.

I was still at the bar area, sipping my cocktail, while chatting to Alex and Lisa when Acting Like That began to play.

"Oh, oh my god, okay, I'm sorry but you guys are going to need to excuse me a sec." I apologised as I dashed into the middle of the crowd in my lounge, where I hoped to convene with the four 5SOS boys.

None of them disappointed me. Hearing their call to arms (a.k.a. the opening bar of the song) we formed a tight circle of five and went crazy. As we sang passionately and jumped around I noticed where Luke had positioned himself in relation to me and remembered Ash's comment from earlier in the kitchen. I never thought Luke would like me back, but here he was closer to me than anyone else. And what was comparing himself to stale peanuts earlier meant to mean? I shook the thoughts out of my head. It was New Year's Eve, I should be having a great time with my friends, not fixating on the behaviour of one of them.

"Want to grab a refill?" Luke called into my ear as Acting Like That transitioned into Afterglow.

"Sure," I responded while also trying to catch my breath from all the jumping around. I hooked my arm through his, did a little skip-step and headed back to where I'd run off from Alex and Lisa moments ago.

"Too cool to dance to your own song?" I teased Alex when I saw he was still stood by the bar.

He just laughed my comment off as he stepped to the side to let Luke and I access the whole array of bottles and their potent liquids. As Luke was busy pouring mixer into his cup Alex caught my eye, raised his eyebrows dramatically and looked in Luke's direction. I mouthed the words 'don't you start' at him and shot him a warning look. Alex raised his hands, palms facing me to signal defeat and gave a small nod before swivelling on his heel and disappearing into the crowd of my sweaty, drunk friends.

"Sooo, I'm like a pretzel to you?" Luke asked with a sly grin as he looked down at me and placed a cocktail umbrella in my refilled cup. I couldn't tell if he was mocking me or not by bringing that remark up.

"Yet you think you're a stale peanut to me. I'm not having the conversation I think we're about to have if we keep using salty party snacks as an analogy." I chuckled before taking a huge gulp of my drink. I had a feeling I was soon going to need all the liquid confidence I could get.

"Want to go somewhere a bit more private then?" Luke asked leaning down to make sure only I could hear him above the music. Which meant I was also the only one to hear the nervous quiver in his voice. I found his apparent nervousness both sweet and incredibly reassuring, considering my own nerves.

I responded by nodding coyly, suddenly too nervous to even form words. I couldn't believe I was about to have this kind of drunk chat with Luke. I was so scared of having my heart ripped out half an hour before midnight on New Year's Eve. I genuinely couldn't say with confidence which way this was going to go.

Luke took my free hand in his and led me to my bedroom. It was a good call. We'd have no privacy in the garden because of the guests who were smokers, as well as my huge french doors all the non-smokers could watch through. And we couldn't have a drunk bathroom chat, because I only had one bathroom so an impatient line would form within minutes of locking the door.

I shut the door once we were back in my room and pressed my back against it. Luke was stood in the middle of the room, a few steps from the foot of my bed. He had his fingers pressed together so his hands formed a triangular shape which he held up to his face, covering his nose and mouth. He took a breath in and as he released it, his hands slid from his face up into his hair to push his curls back. Then he finally made eye contact with me.

"Look, party food aside, I've got to know how you feel about me." Luke stated, with a hint of pleading in his voice, as he took a few steps closer to me.

"Honestly," I started, "Whoa boy, I am not drunk enough for this. Crap," I took a second and exhaled deeply, "Okay. Luke, despite my best efforts to bottle up my feelings and just see you as a friend's like the others, I can't. I really fucking like you."

"So you do have feelings for me too?" Luke tried to clarify.

"Too?" I queried, meeting his gaze for the first time since admitting my feelings. I wanted clarification as well; I wasn't going to let my heart soar based on a drunk assumption.

"Yes, too. Of course I have feelings for you." Luke admitted, stepping further towards me. He placed a cupped hand on my cheek as I took a step away from the door and closer to him, the distance between us now almost completely gone, "Since you came into my life you've made every day better. How could I not fall for you when you're you?"

My heart now had permission to soar as high as it damn well pleased.

"Knowing you has made me happier too," I beamed.

Luke mirrored my beaming smile upon hearing those words. Then, with his hand still cupped on my cheek, he tilted my face a fraction higher before our eyelids fluttered shut and the gravity between our lips took hold.

It was an incredible kiss. And not just because Luke was a great kisser. It was incredible because, in a strange way, it was such a relief. After all the time spent pinning and denying my feelings, it was such a relief to feel Luke's soft lips on mine and realise what a fool I had been.

After a solid minute of kissing someone cleared their throat behind us. Luke's hand slid from the small of my back to the side of my waist; I loosened the arm I had draped around his neck; and our lips parted as we turned to see who had just announced their presence behind us.

"While I'm sure as shit glad you two are finally hooking up, we've got a countdown to do in a matter of minutes." Alex said before wrangling us out into the garden with everyone else, "I FOUND THEM MAKING OUT!" He declared to everyone as he came out into the garden behind us.

Some people wooped, some people awwed and then there was the almost in-sync "fucking finally" from Michael, Calum and Ashton. Seeing their reactions made me so happy and let me know that whatever this grew into, it was right.

Luke took my hand again, interlocking his fingers with mine, and we walked to the back of where our group of friends had congregated in the garden to view the myriad of fireworks soon to be set off across the city.

"One minute to go!" Christina called.

Luke placed a soft kiss on the top of my head before raising our linked hands over my head so they came to rest on my hip, with his arm wrapped around the back of my waist and my arm around the front of my waist.

"Thirty seconds!" Christina chimed again, "Twenty seconds! ... Eleven!"

Then we all joined in together,

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

As our friends cheered the new year in and fireworks began popping in the sky above us, Luke's lips found mine again. It was a brief kiss. Luke pulled his lips away and then pressed his forehead against mine,

"Happy New Year" He whispered in the softest voice.

I grinned up at him,

"Happy New Year, Luke." I whispered back before returning my lips to his.

#luke hemmings fic #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fanfic #luke 5sos #luke hemmings one shot #5sos one shot #5sos fic

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mooneyedandglowing · 4 years

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I came downstairs and my mother was making my dinner. I had the suspicion she was doing so when at 10pm I had yet to complete all I needed to complete for the day she sent me a text saying "you need to eat" (forget grammar rn I'm through) and I replied to her text about how I still had things to do and I heard the doggy gate that separates the kitchen from the rest of the house open and close

I came down an hour later and my suspicions were confirmed and it made my heart so warm

My love language is acts of service

I believe I've scarcely felt as loved as I did seeing her trying to decide between ancient grains or spinach noodles

I took a shower and let the hot water hit hard on my rheumatic toes. My pinky toes look like they might burst. I could never sell feet photos. That's for sure.

I thought to cry. I thought better of that. I got dressed in pajamas and went to help out in the kitchen. Even though acts of service are my love language I cannot do nothing at all. I cannot only receive. Because it is how I hear and speak my love. Here. I've provided for you. Here. I've toiled for us.

Let me keep us safe and well. Let me protect. Let me take care.

(Watch my back. Be the look out.)

Some people. Many people. Think it is just the absolute worst love language. I've had someone flat out refuse me on it. Too prideful.

I thought. Well.

I tried so many ways in my mind to work out a single sign of care. And did I ever find one?

I don't believe I'm angry about it. Or even hurt. Although I was both for a long time.

I suppose now I'm just more resigned to what the truth was. And I am more accepting of all I am as well.

It's cringe to recall the fact that I allowed it and hoped to be wrong

I thought no this has to be a friend a true connection a sort who could understand me and yet and yet

This person who recoiled from me were only ever drawn towards me in any capacity because they created a falseness where I stood. I mean fantasy. And it felt nice for someone to think so highly of you although I always knew it wasn't ever really me but a caricature. I am as we all know no such thing. I mean no fantasy of any kind. And I am almost feral about it now. I am hostile with revealing my faults. I tell on myself. I expect to be whipped and to withstand it.

It's very 8 of me. Like I stand alone blistered on some sand dune with nothing in sight but more punishment to endure, overcome.

I think. I care not if you even think well of me.

Isn't that it? No one will ever think anything of me if they won't even look at me. Me.

I'm a crude sight unleashed

Turn away avert your eyes

How many memories of that do I have? Of people refusing to see me? Wilfully misunderstanding me?

I must be so unsightly.

And then when I had dashed all delusions I was distraction and not even that interesting of one

And I thought fine to that as well. No longer able to hurt about it. No longer able to mind. No longer even seeing a reason for any protest.

Fine I have thought again and again re: all the people in my life that refuse to know me at all

Another man said recently that my way of being is a form of femininity and a vital form

And I felt a great affection for them to say so when I so often feel as if I've turned crone and will thus be cast so far out that I'm entirely wild and cease to care at all

And yet there's this tiny little thing inside of me.

My mother in an epiphany said today:

"Oh. Underneath it all, you're frightened - you're so scared."

What a glaring truth

What a thing as well to admit here

An ex girlfriend would always tell me that anger is the scared man's hurt

And I have been a scared man

And continue to be (I almost deleted this. It almost stops my breath to read what I've written but there for all you you's you have another terrible thing about me to grow even more disillusioned by)

But who could best my courage of that I have plenty of that I test constantly

I need to sleep. The dogs are barking.

And I am desperate to edit. Read. I am desperate.

And I am still a monstrous thing with toes that will one day twist and a heart that goes so often without that it feeds on itself and yet

I clean up the kitchen for my mother. Scoop her body into a hug. And make the ice I know she'll like to have the next day

And I go to my bed feeling, despite being such a creature a witch a crone a monster a beast an unsightly thing, very much in love with myself

Very much in love with everything else

#free write #personal #diary #stream #thoughts #life #feelings #cackles in crone

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boondockerblog · 3 years

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Day 52 & 53 (Cathedral City and travel to ?)

Waking Up to the Mountains Around the Cochella Valley

Even with all the houses, streets and retail in the forground those mountains are always alluring. So high, and so close.

These 2 days were a little interlude of hot tubbing, showers where you keep the water on, great meals cooked together, walks and runs to places with such different scenery than our past 2 months - beautiful Cochella Valley homes, backyards surround by stone walls, desert landscape, magenta Bougainvillea, unusual cactus, and then all of a sudden it's desert again - sand and Creosote. This must be what the Flat Earthers feel about hitting the Edge of the Earth.

Running was the juxtaposition of skinny sidewalks, cars and lovely landscaping and the Edge. We found 2 different Edges and both had the same qualities. Yiu're running along in neighborhoods and retail and then you drop off the Edge into deep sand (hard running) and, strangely appliances, couches, toys, tables, the occasional mattress. Sometimes these items have clearly been moved into groupings. It's like being in a furniture showroom in the desert. If I didn't have an indoor place to live and liked cities this would be a great place with all the items people have dumped.

Sad to Leave

We loved our time with you Jim & Wally. Thank you for this oasis in the desert. And where are we leaving to? We had several ideas:

Imperial Sand Dunes (extending from South of the Salton Sea (2019 Day 28) to the MEX border) - we saw it on a map on Monday as we were driving to Cathedral City but had questions about needing a permit and received no answer. Today we got the answer while driving but then based on the cell map it looked like we might have no internet.

Also on Monday we saw a sign for the Cibola Nat'l Wildlife Refuge (on the AZ side of Blythe). We loved the other 2 Nat'l Wildlife Reserves we went to so this looked good on the map.

If all else fails we'll go back near Quartzsite and find some cool place.

We decided to try Cibola. It was dark (surprise) by the time we got near as we'd been re-routed from a road closure. The road we were following eventually was 1 lane with water on either side. Strange but hard to tell in the dark where we should be. We saw a turn and knew we were close to crossing the CO River but decided tobstay on the "road" we were on. And then, the GPS shows us off-roding! We were on the top of a canal, not a road (it sounds funny now that it's being typed but in the pitch black where you can only see in front of you a narrow path and darkness down a bank to the right and left, it wasn't quite as humerous). So we backed up on that one lane path for what seemed a long time, took the turn we'd passed and kept on driving. We found the Refuge Visitor's Center but nothing there seemed to help for where we might enjoy making camp. The road was one ranch after another and we eventually turned into what the map showed as Reserve lands. There we found nothing that looked like it would be the beauty and wildlife we'd read about, and no place to pull off. After an hour of driving we found the CO River but there was no place to pull off. We drove back towards a place listed as a campground (we'd seen a couple motorhomes and a fire and that's why we didn't go there an hour ago). When we saw it again we decided it wasn't for us and we just drive back through the long detour and go back to Quartzsite.

As we drove we changed our minds - late, hungry and tired. We knew as soon as we got through all the detour we'd be only 15 minutes from Ehrenberg BLM. Ehrenberg is desert speak for "Maddie didn't die today" (2019 Day 12) - joking, but just about the desert speak. If you didn't read that day 2 years ago, scroll back, it's worth it.

Arrived 10pm.

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fanficparker · 4 years

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Tacenda | Tom x Haz one-shot

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Tom Holland

Word count: 4.5k words

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff

Summary: Harrison looked at Tom’s face. His sleepy tired pretty evil face. He wanted to grab it and punch it. Or do something completely opposite and then die.

____________________________

(Written in Harrison's POV)

There are some things that aren't said but are still not supposed to be done, like forgetting about the night out with your best mate after not seeing each other properly for months. I should have put the date on my calendar but Nah! I was fucking over-confident! The director himself asked me that he was flexible with the re-shooting schedule but I, Harrison Osterfield chose this particular day for the re-shoots. Over-confident bastard, I am.

I didn't count how many times I cursed under my breath when I saw the message notifications from Tom timed three hours ago.

6 UNREAD MESSAGES FROM TOM. ~ 3 hours ago

Tom(8:45pm) >>I m here for an hour?

Tom(9:16pm) >>Where r u?

Tom(10:04pm) >>R u still going with the plan?

Tom(10:10pm) >>The food is cold as hell.

Tom(10:10pm) >>Although hell is all lava

Tom(10:12pm) >>But where r u?

How could I forget about the divs night out? We were both busy with our horribly busy shooting/press tour/photoshoot/meeting etc. schedules. But today was the day we had decided to finally spend a best friends night together, eat something good, visit a good bar et cetera et cetera.

But I was over-confident about my memory to remember dates. Haha.

I don't think it's smart to reply to those messages right now. Also, I am too tired and worn-out of thinking about any possible excuse. So, I simply drove to my house where we were supposed to meet.

Hope Tom won't be angry at me.

No.

Tom should be angry at me!

Because when he's not angry with me, he's sad. And definitely sad or upset is the last thing I want him to be, especially me being the reason.

Which friend would like to see his best friend sad, anyway?

I unlocked the door of my house and tip-toed to the living room. I still prayed that Tom would be busy watching YouTube or something and wouldn't realise the time. I am a hopelessly hopeful individual. Well, I didn't coin the word 'Hopelessly hopeful', Tom did. He called me that once, couldn't agree with him more though.

I saw him. But he wasn't watching TV or scrolling through his phone. He was fast asleep on the couch. I let out a breath of relief- At least I don't have to make excuses right now.

I freed myself off my coat and shoes and walked towards the couch where he was lying. My eyes landed on the table to the right. I noticed the take-out boxes stacked on the wood.

Shit.

Tom didn't even eat dinner. I can't even express how disgusted I am feeling about myself. Seriously?! I had grabbed a quick meal during the work hours but Tom... He was waiting to have dinner with me.

No matter how much I hate making excuses to him, I still can't let him sleep with an empty stomach. It's better Tom gets upset at me, I deserve that after all.

I walked closer to his sleeping figure. His legs were tangled in the little blanket and the cushions were lying to the floor. Yeah, Tom had a habit of kicking things in sleep. He had kicked me too.

One of Tom's hand was touching the carpet beneath while the other was tucked under his head. His mouth was slightly open and when I concentrated enough, I could hear his soft snores.

He groaned in his sleep and as a reflex action- I averted my gaze from him to the floor. But I noticed him wetting his lips with his tongue in the process.

His lips were badly dried and chapped. He should take more care of them. It's none of my business actually. If Amelia enjoys kissing them who am I to say?

I shook Tom by his shoulder.

"Mmm," He whimpered in his sleep, resisting my attempt to wake him up.

"Get up Tom!" I said calmly and tickled the spot where his jaw met his neck. His body shook in a silent giggle. That spot was his weakness, after all.

"Harrison?" He yawned and slowly opened his eyes.

"Yup. That's me. You haven't eaten," I replied when he tried to sit up.

When he sat up straight his curls fell on his forehead, exactly like a bungee jumping rope.

His curls were the weirdest dilemma of my life. I loved them, he looked great in them. But I also wanted to move my hand through them and get them out of his face.

I clenched my fist at the thought of playing with his hairs.

My whole body shuddered when he touched my chin out of nowhere.

"Did you fall?" He said as his fingers grazed through the little cut on my chin. He was sitting on folded knees on the sofa to reach my standing height.

Does he think the pain of him touching my wound made me shudder?

"Yeah, I fell," I said. I hoped he'll remove his hand from my face but rather he moved his thumb across my jawline. I clenched my fists tighter, my jaws clenched too.

He should stop doing this. He should stop touching me like this. It didn't feel... Who am I kidding? He should stop touching me like this because it felt good. Felt so damn fucking good!!!

Remove your fingers, Holland or I'll break your hand.

I looked at his face. His sleepy tired pretty evil face. And again I wanted to grab it and punch it. Or do something completely opposite and then die.

His eyes were concentrated on my skin while his fingers were still busy grazing my skin. When the torture was out of limit, I flipped his hand off me and took a step back.

"It's not a big deal. It's a very small cut. You don't have to give it so much attention."

I don't know but I suspect my voice was a bit harsh because his face fell at my words. I heard him sigh.

"Sorry."

The word came out of my mouth abruptly. Tom's face shoots up at my sudden apology.

"Uh. For what?" He tilted his head to look directly at me. Before his eyes could meet mine, I looked away. My reflexes are pretty damn good. They know he's dangerous.

"For spoiling our night out. For wasting your time." I stated as a matter of fact and stuffed my hands inside my pockets while swinging along with the balls of my feet.

"No worries. I am free tomorrow." Tom said.

"BUT I AM NOT FREE!"

I-- I yelled at him.

He froze at his spot. I closed my eyes momentarily in a hope that everything was a dream.

The yelling part was not for him. It was for me. I hated myself for missing this day! I wanted to spend time with him! And I don't know when I'll get it next. When he's free, I am busy. When he's busy, I am free. And then there are times when we both were busy and I just missed the day when we both were free. I wanted to throw my hands in the air. But what will it change?

I instead flopped to the sofa right next to him and hide my face in my hands.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It's my fault in every direction." I said rubbing my palms on my face.

"I can see you are very tired Harrison. I really don't mind. I also went through this phase and you were there for me so... Look I am right here." Tom snaked his arms around my shoulders taping slightly.

I nodded. Not the best response but now I don't have to worry because he thinks he understands my agony.

I convinced him to have dinner. I didn't tell him that I did eat something before and joined him regardlessly. And we talked, like friends. Like we always do. Nothing had changed from the outside.

* * *

I am unlucky enough to get a chance to see him on Harry and Sam's birthday. The twins couldn't find any other day to pop out on earth than the fucking Valentine's Day. I will see the same girls throwing themselves at me who never gave a fuck to me when I was fifteen. And then those questions. I was ready to face all those 'when are you going to show us your girlfriend?' or 'we know you aren't single.' or some more annoying cliché questions or blatant statements or the worst— straight off insults. I knew bullshit when I heard it and I knew how to deal with it.

But still, I don't understand this whole fuss about getting into a relationship. I don't like casual dating. I never tell people not to go on casual dates or to commit to a serious thoughtful relationship or to wait till they actually find an appropriate partner. So why are they telling me what and when I should do these things?

It's not like I am fifty or sitting on a wheelchair or the world is ending. I am not even twenty-five. I have time. I know how to use it more efficiently than getting into a stupid relationship that won't even last for a couple of months.

Nevertheless, the thing I wasn't ready to deal with was to see Tom, of course as I already established. He'll produce himself at the party any time soon with his hands draped around her shoulders. I forgot her name honestly. And I don't care about it.

Speaking of the devil, Thomas Stanley Holland walked right across the door and the first thing he did was wave at me. Like a child waving at an ice-cream truck. There was no Camelia--Amelia (I don't know) with him. He hopped across the hall and reached me. I just saw him doing things rather than giving any response.

"They saved the cake for me, right?" He said suppressing a laugh. Failing miserably though.

"Nah! I had your piece." I wobbled my eyebrows at him teasingly, lifting the mocktail to my lips. But he grabbed my drink and took a sip himself.

"It's not wine..." He said making a face of disgust. I snatched my drink back from his hand and took a huge sip. I basically gulped the liquid and tossed the glass to the side.

"I am trying to lower my alcohol consumption. You should too. And that drink was delicious!" I said wiping the wetness off my lips with the back of my hand.

"I try to but couldn't resist." He admitted. I could see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"It's difficult, I agree. I loved beer and considered it more important for my survival than water but then---"

Sam jumped in the conversation and I stopped mid-sentence.

"There are two players less in the beer pong. Maybe you guys could join. It's fun." Sam suggested and it seemed like the birthday boy wasn't in the mood of hearing a no. I can tell that he was already tipsy.

But... Beer pong, seriously?

Irony. My whole life is an irony.

"Uh. We are trying to keep a distance from alcohol."

That was Tom. My head flipped to look at him from Sam. His eyes met mine and I didn't turn my head away. He gave me a small smile. My mouth parted to say something but Sam spoke instead.

"If you divs change your mind, you are most welcome to join us." And then he walked past us. I watched his figure as he left while I all this time I could feel Tom's lingering gaze on my face.

"What? Why are you staring?" I asked looking at him, again.

He shifted his gaze to his shoes but the smile on his face was even bigger. It was almost as if he was blushing.

He didn't answer. So I asked another question, "Where's your girlfriend?"

He let out a chuckle and his head lifted.

"I broke up!" He said but with a smile as his shoes traced an invisible circle on the floor.

I am actually worried about him now. Has he gone mad in the sorrow of his break-up? Although I think they didn't even have any feelings for each other but were just together. Casual dating. But Tom never accepts the casual nature of his relationships till they are over.

But he also never giggles after a break-up.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Very okay." His smile was still big enough to make his eyes crinkle.

I rolled my head back to stretch my tired body. I realised how long I was standing here. I rested my hands on the empty counter, shutting my eyes to relax. I could feel the little vibrations that Tom's tapping fingers produced on the counter. I felt his hand coming closer to mine. And then his fingers touched my hand. And I jerked it away opening my eyes and looking at him.

He retracted his hand seeing my reaction and looked at his shoes again.

He wants to tell me something. I know him well. But what I also know is that he never hides stuff from me or gets nervous about telling me anything. We are best friends after all. But now? Why is he behaving like this?

My heart crumbled thinking of a thousand possibilities. Was our connection weakening? Was his trust on me shattering?

But why? What have I done wrong?

"You should go and join them. You love to play beer pong. No matter how much you suck in that," I suggested, hoping that his mood will change after some fun games and drinks.

"Can we talk in my room?" He asked completely ignoring my suggestion.

"I--uh. Sure." I shrugged looking at him. His expressions were difficult to read in these dim lights, maybe I could see him better in the proper lighting of his room.

He walked past the halls, greeting some people in the path while I followed him quietly. He closed the door of the room after we entered.

I sat on the corner of his bed waiting for him to join. And he joined and sat beside me keeping some distance.

"So... What were you saying?" I asked facing him.

"Nothing. Just... " He paused and didn't complete his sentence, instead took in a long breath and released it shortly.

"What? Is everything okay?" I was genuinely worried.

"Can I hold you, Haz?"

He wants to hug me and I want to laugh. Does he need permission to hug me, now? Maybe then he'll tell me that it was our last hug and that we are no more friends. It happens like this, isn't it?

Goodbye Harrison.

He'll definitely say that. I can sense.

I gulped my saliva and slid closer to him. I loosened my arms.

He didn't take long and wrapped his hands around my body. Tom had hugged me before, a lot of times (although not so often in the last three-four years) but never like this. Like the world was ending and we were drowning in the infinite ocean. His body was stiff at first and then it loosed as he relaxed. I realised that I did exactly the same. As our body relaxed, I tightened the embrace pulling him closer. One of his hand travelled from my back to my neck and he played with the small hairs on the nape of my neck. I felt my body shooting with electricity. I didn't fight with my instincts and surrendered.

I pushed him away.

He stared at me wide-eyed.

Who the fuck hugs like this?

He snapped his fingers in front of my face. And I realised that I was lost in my thoughts. But I don't even know what exactly I was thinking?

"What have I done wrong?" Tom asked me in the saddest voice I have ever heard.

I should be the one asking that question!

"Excuse me?" I said wanting him to elaborate.

"You are pushing me away. You are seriously pushing me away every fucking time!" His voice cracked as he spoke. His eyes were way too glossy. I am afraid if he tilts his head a little bit, tears will spill out of them.

And again my heart clenched painfully.

"Are you--are you crying?" My throat felt like as if it was choked of ashes.

He chuckled. But it was more like an irritating chuckle.

And the thing I was afraid of happened right then. Tears fell off his eyes and slid through his cheeks.

I am finally the reason for making him sad to a level that he's crying!

"Nothing matters anymore, Harrison. Nothing matters." He said, shaking his head and wiping off his tears although fresh tears replaced the old stains. He got up.

Was this his way of saying goodbye? That we are no more friends?

But I can't let him go like this. No. That's not me.

I grabbed his wrist before he could walk away and stood up myself. I felt much taller today. Maybe because his posture was sunken right now.

"When did I push you away?" I whispered the question.

"Every time, Harrison. I have already answered that."

"That's now how this works," I told him.

My voice was slow and soft while his voice was loud and cracked.

He jerked his hand away from my grip.

He jerked his hand from my grip like I do... Every time.

Oh.

"You... You? You ah..." I stumbled upon my words unable to complete my sentence. He spoke up instead.

"Yes. Yes, Harrison. I am in love with you."

No. That was not something I was saying. I wanted to ask him if he thought that I was trying to end our friendship(the way I thought)— You think I am trying to end our friendship.

I don't even know why I stumbled that much in saying this little statement.

But I wasn't expecting that response from him.

I stood there frozen. How'll I react to this?

I could see him moving closer to me and his hands were reaching for my face. His thumb touched my lower lips and he tucked it out of my teeth.

"I got my answer. I hope we'll still be friends." A sad smile adorned his face as he said that. I saw him move away from me this time. He unlocked the door, looked at me for a second then looked away and walked out of the room.

As the door clicked shut. I jolted and let my limp body fall on his bed.

What have I done?

***

He didn't text or call me that week.

I didn't either.

***

The next week I found myself mindlessly scrolling through hashtag #tomholland

I stopped at a particular picture. It was from high school. I don't even know how these fan-accounts get these pictures.

It was a picture of one of our school plays. We are standing there posing for the group photograph. Tom and I were standing in the middle, together.

It was the only play where Tom and I played the role of each other's love interest. We did some sad romance shit, some happy romance shit and kissed. Not a real kiss. It was a stage kiss, where one of the actors puts his or her thumb between their and the other actor's lips and then both the people kiss the thumb instead of each other's lips and the audience thinks that they are actually kissing each other.

And then for a complete one week, Tom called me 'bro' instead of my own fucking name!!

And then about two years ago after one of our acquaintances jokingly called us boyfriends, Tom literally inserted the same 'bro' in every fucking sentence, Instagram comment, DM, reply, text, phone call, everywhere he had to address me for at least three days.

I have always used the word 'bro' as an alternative for 'mate' or 'friend' but never to brother-zone anyone.

But he literally used it to brother-zone me, MULTIPLE TIMES!

And I...

I got the signal.

And now he's telling me that he's in love with me...

Funny.

Irony.

Satire?

***

Hell. Bloody hell.

1 UNREAD MESSAGE FROM TOM. ~ 1 min ago

It's been a month we haven't talked to each other at all and now suddenly I received a text from him. And that too at 01:05 am midnight.

My fingers danced inches away from the screen afraid to tap on the message and then regret it for life.

Another notification popped on my home screen.

Now it was— 2 UNREAD MESSAGES FROM TOM. ~ 1 sec ago

I clicked on it.

Tom(01:05 am) >>Hey

Tom(01:06 am) >>Are we on talking terms?

Me(01:10am) Hi. << Yeah. <<

Tom is typing...

Tom(01:10am) >>Thank god. I was afraid.

Tom is typing...

Tom(01:10am) >>So whatcha doing?

Me(01:11am) Couldn't sleep. Just scrolling through my feed. <<

Tom(01:11am) >>Same!

Tom is typing...

Tom(01:12am) >>Thinking of meeting sometime? I will understand if u don't wanna meet but still?

Me(01:30am) Can we meet right now? <<

Tom is typing...

I tossed the phone to the side seeing the text 'Tom is typing' appearing and disappearing multiple times on the screen and closed my eyes. I heard my phone ting. I rolled over to look on the screen again.

Tom(01:41am) >>Will be at your place in 10

Me(01:42am) >>👍(thumbs up emoji)

Fuck!

I hid my face inside my duvet and waited for him.

What will he say? What will I say?

The doorbell rang. Was it already ten minutes?

I slowly removed the duvet off my body, took my time to get off the bed and walked lazily to the door and stood there, staring at the wood. The doorbell rang again.

It's just Tom. I reminded myself.

I sucked in a breath and opened the door. He was standing right there. Obviously.

He was wearing a brown t-shirt with some blue trousers and his hairs were perfectly set, unusual for midnight. I am sure that I looked like a mess.

"Can I get in?" He asked smiling politely.

"Yea-yeah" I stuttered giving him way to get in. He sat on my sofa where last time he was napping.

I didn't notice he had a bag in his hand till he kept it on the front table.

"Mum made some cookies. Thought you loved them." He said taking out a box and opening it. The sweet smell instantly reached my nose and I heard my stomach growl.

We chuckled, together. Then laughed, together. Then awkwardly stopped laughing. Together.

I sat beside him and fished out a cookie from the box.

"The-the choco-chip ones are made by me. I mean I helped mum," He said and I put my previous cookie down to look for the choco-chip ones in the box. The box had at least four different flavours of cookies mixed up.

I took out two choco-chip cookies and gave one to him. I took a bite.

I loved it.

We ate more till we were full, almost half-emptying the box.

Say something Harrison! I mentally scolded myself.

"So?"

We said in unison.

"You say first," I said to him. We shifted to face each other.

"Missed you," Tom said pressing his lips into a thin line, while he fidgeted with his fingers.

I placed my hands on top of his hands, stopping his motions.

"Do you really like me that way?" I asked being serious.

"I really love you that way," His voice sounded confident.

"Why now? All of a sudden? Why not before?" I am sure that my voice was panicky.

"You were pushing me away, Harrison. It was hard for me. I tried to move on but... failed."

The world was spinning again.

"You asked if you could switch roles when we were assigned to be in that play as a couple. You denied its re-screening. You missed the practice sessions.

"I tried my best to make you comfortable. Even if it made me kill all my possibilities to be together with you. But I failed miserably. Just tell me no. Just say no. Tell me that you don't see me anything more than a friend and I promise I will move on.

"But you not saying anything and pushing me away isn't making me move on. Say something Haz. Just say no." He finished but his gaze was still fixed on my eyes. He wasn't giving me a chance to break the eye-contact, waiting for my answer.

But the thing matters the most is that he's right. And I am wrong.

I did push him away and then put all the blame of everything on him.

I...

I think I knew...

I know why I didn't believe in relationships because the thought of being with someone other than Tom was sickening. And I was afraid if Tom and I did somehow magically get into a relationship, what will happen after we break-up?

And the day I realised I liked him more than a friend, I started pushing him away. And he thought he was making me uncomfortable whenever he tried to come closer to me.

Wow.

Seems like I solved the theory of relativity.

But what happens now?

Is this the moment we kiss?

But what if it didn't work and we broke up?

His eyes were still on me. And they spoke for him. They answered my question.

He'll never leave me.

If he went through all my bullshit till now, he will still stick with me even if the new thing we are going to step into the next minute doesn't work. We were best friends first and nothing can ever break this bond.

I placed my hand behind his neck. He looked at me through his lashes. I could see the rise and fall in his chest and could hear my own heart thumping in my ears. I tiled his head to the side. I attached my lips to his.

I kissed him. And ruffled his curls.

I kissed him again. And he cupped my face in his hands, squeezing my cheeks and pulling my mouth even closer to his (if it was possible in anyway)..

I kissed him again and again and again and again.

And he kept kissing me back.

And there was no thumb in between.

44 notes · View notes

etherealwaifgoddess · 4 years

Text

Maybe I Am? - Chpt.2

Characters: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Steve takes a risk and the guys go out on a “date”. Master list HERE

Content Warning: first “date” cuteness, making out

Word Count: 2.5k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! Today is one of those days where I am eternally grateful for having a “draft” option. Because honestly, ya girl is exhausted. So yay for drafts! Enjoy chapter two. I’m honestly too tired to give ya’ll a better note right now. :-\ XOXO - Ash

Chapter Two

Steeeeve [9:32:08PM]: Hey, it’s Steve.

Bucky Barnes [9:32:47PM]: hi steve

Steeeeve [9:33:15PM]: I had a lot of fun meeting up today.

Bucky Barnes [9:33:39PM]: me 2

Steve huffed staring at Bucky’s second generic response. He was usually so much more lively. Steve took a long sigh and started texting what he needed to get off his chest.

Steeeeve [9:35:21PM]: I’m sorry if I came off as confused or misleading.

Steeeeve [9:35:26PM]: I didn’t mean to do that. But I am kind of confused right now.

Steeeeve [9:35:35PM]: I spent so much time liking the idea of you, and you in real life was even more amazing than I could have expected. But I’ve never dated a guy before and I never expected to want to. And now I think I do.

Steeeeve [9:35:49PM]: I’m sorry. This probably isn’t any less confusing. I’m apparently really bad at this lol. I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you go out on a maybe-date with me? I want to try and see how I feel. I don’t want to string you on, but I want to try.

Bucky stared at the flurry of texts coming into his phone. Damn, serial texter much? He read and re-read Steve texts a few times, chewing nervously his bottom lip, trying to find a response. He wasn’t willing to let his heart get trample on again, not after Brock. But he really liked Steve and if there was a chance Steve might like him too, it was too good to pass up. He had a distinct feeling he was going to regret it, but he tapped out the only honest response he could think of.

Bucky Barnes [9:44:13PM]: i like u 2 steve. i get that ur confused. lets try ur maybe-date and see how it goes? if it goes well cool, if not no hard feelings. k?

Steeeeve [9:45:20PM]: Thank you. Really, thank you for being so great about this. Can we get dinner one night this week?

Bucky Barnes [9:45:55PM]: im free any nite but tues

Steeeeve [9:46:10PM]: I can do Friday night around 7. There’s a really great Mexican place a few blocks over from the gym if you’re willing to schelp all the way over to Park Slope.

Bucky Barnes [9:46:31PM]: sounds good. see u then

Bucky sighed, putting his phone away into the pocket of his favorite old hoodie. He had a date. A maybe-date, but for some reason that felt good enough for him at the moment.

xxXxx

Steve discovered the best part of being able to text Bucky wasn’t just that their chatting was no longer limited to when they were both near a computer, but that they now had a full range of emojis, memes, and GIFs at their disposal. He could now send Bucky random funny things he found during the day and he felt a little proud when Bucky would send back a string of laughing emojis, knowing he had brightened the other man’s day a little. He had worried with their maybe-date looming things might be a little awkward but if anything they were going even better. By the time Friday came Steve was genuinely looking forward to their maybe-date. He had even gone out on Wednesday before his shift at the gym to pick up a set of clothes that were distinctly not gym wear. He couldn’t remember the last time he bought a button up shirt but he had to admit the blue and white checked shirt looked nice on him. He was trying not to stress over the maybe-date but he felt this gnawing need to know, definitively, if he was truly interested in Bucky, or just the fantasy of WinterBae.

Steve raced home Friday to shower and change, hoping he’d left himself enough time to do all that and still make it over to Los Aztecas in time. Taking the time to slick back his hair and do a quick shave, Steve was hustling out the door only to realize he’d forgotten the bottle of wine once he got outside. After a fast double back for the wine he was on his way, making it to the tiny authentic Mexican restaurant with three minutes to spare. He had barely stopped walking when he saw Bucky hopping out of an uber. Steve felt a little flutter at the sight of Bucky and he took it as a good sign.

Bucky looked amazing in his dark skinny jeans and a silky looking black shirt. A minimalist necklace was around his throat, the simple bar resting just below the wings of his collarbones. Steve noticed Bucky had swapped out the cheery beaded bracelets he’d worn on Sunday for a set of sleek silver and leather ones. He looked like he belonged on the cover of a fashion magazine and Steve felt ridiculous in what Sam had teased was his bible salesman outfit.

“Heya.” Bucky greeted warmly, extending an arm for a half hug.

“Hey,” Steve echoed, hugging back with his free hand. “Ready for the best Mexican food of your life?”

“Definitely, let’s go.”

Steve led Bucky inside the little restaurant, its cozy decor making the place feel intimate instead of cramped. Steve had called ahead for reservations so they were whisked off to a table as soon as he gave the concierge his name. Bucky was looking around fascinated, taking in all the colorful decorations.

“It’s really something, huh?” Steve prompted with a smile.

Bucky nodded in agreement, “Yeah, it’s beautiful. So much art packed into so little space. Thanks for bringing me here, Steve.”

“It’s one of my favorite places in the area, mostly for the tacos but also for the art. I got my degree in fine art before I switched gears and went back to get certified in exercise science.”

“That’s quite a switch.” Bucky laughed.

“Art will always be my first love, but it’s not exactly profitable. And once I got healthier I knew I wanted to help other people do the same. I was really sick as a kid and didn’t hit any major growth spurts until I was almost 21. After that, I worked out a lot getting used to my new body and fell in love with the gym.”

“Wow. I’m glad you were able to get healthier, and it’s sweet you’re trying to give back to others with that.”

“Do you go to a gym? I won’t be offended that it’s a competitor, I swear.”

Bucky barked out a laugh, “No. God, no. I am perfectly happy with not having abs or a totally flat stomach as long as waffles exist.”

Steve couldn’t help his eyes dropping to Bucky’s stomach which honestly couldn’t have had more than the smallest layer of padding across it. “That’s okay too. Waffles are pretty great.”

The waitress stopped by to uncork their wine and drop off a basket of fresh tortilla chips and salsa verde.

“What did you bring?” Bucky asked as he took the glass of white wine Steve had poured him.

“Albariño. A waitress here recommended it a few years ago and now it’s my go to. It’s light and crisp, and kinda citrusy? I’m not a wine snob but it’s damn good and goes really well with tacos. I hope you like white wine, I forgot to ask.”

“I’ve yet to meet a white wine I didn’t like, so you’re safe.” Bucky sipped the wine and his eyes lit up, “Oh yeah, this is good. I’ll be hunting this down next time I go shopping.”

“You can get it over at the little wine boutique near the farmers market in Sunset Park. They always have this kind.”

“Nice, I’ll have to check it out. My sister will love this the next time she visits.”

The conversation flowed as the basket of tortilla chips disappeared, only ebbing when their platters arrived and they tucked into their food. Steve had ordered his usual taco platter while Bucky opted for the taquitos platter, an assortment of slow roasted meats wrapped in thin crispy shells. He let out a groan at his first bite that had Steve’s heart stuttering in his chest. The maybe-date had mostly felt like a friend-date up until that point, though Steve had to admit there was a tiny flutter of like there too. But the noise Bucky made and the expression on his face had Steve thinking anything but friends only thoughts.

Bucky caught Steve staring at him as he licked a dribble of sauce off his bottom lip. He hadn’t gotten a distinct date-date vibe from Steve but the look on the blonde’s face was priceless. Bucky thought he probably had made a similar one the first time he saw Devon Sawa in Wild America when he was 12. He had never stood a chance of being straight after that. Testing the waters a little bit, Bucky smirked at Steve, making it abundantly clear he’d been caught staring. Steve flushed and Bucky’s smile widened. There might be hope after all.

Steve wasn’t sure if it was the wine or too many tacos but by the time dinner was over he felt glued to his seat. He hated knowing the evening was coming to an end and wanted to do something, anything, to prolong it. The waitress dropped off the sales receipt with a pen and Steve tried to steady his hand as he signed his name. He knew he needed to muster up his courage or he would be saying goodbye to Bucky in mere minutes.

“Thanks again for paying.” Bucky said after draining the last of his wine, “This was really nice.”

“It was.” Steve agreed, seeing his chance, “You know, I have another bottle of this wine back at my place if you wanna come over for a bit. Maybe you could help me find that movie app you were telling me about for the Fire Stick?”

“Sure, I’m happy to help. I won’t say no to more of that wine either.” Bucky stamped down the hopeful cheering in his chest that Steve was inviting him over. The poor guy probably didn’t mean that anything would happen other than wine and tech help but Bucky could always dream. He would be respectful though, he resolved to himself. He’d never dated a guy who was questioning his sexuality before and Bucky didn’t want to push too far too soon. Bucky figured it was best to let Steve set the pace and just hope his heart didn’t get run over in the process.

Steve’s apartment was only four blocks from the restaurant, a second floor walk up in an old converted brownstone. It was nicer than Bucky’s little hole in the wall apartment and even had a small second bedroom that Steve had set up as a home office. After giving Bucky a quick tour, he led them to the kitchen to pull another bottle of Albariño out of his cabinet. Passing a stemless glass to Bucky, he poured them both a generous amount of wine which they carried out to the living room so Bucky could show Steve the app he’d mentioned during dinner. A few clicks and a quick download later, Steve had access to a ridiculous amount of free movies.

“This is so great.” Steve praised, clicking through the different options. “Oh I love this one!”

“Hm?” Bucky looked up from his glass to see Steve hovering over 10 Things I Hate About You. “Oh that one is great. I remember wanting to be Patrick Verona when I grew up after seeing that.”

Steve gave an amused side eyed look at Bucky. “I think you did a decent job.” he teased, throwing on the movie out of sheer impulse.

Bucky laughed, “You’re sweet. But god knows I’ll never be that smooth.”

“You’re better off than me. I’ve been told I’m hopeless on more than one occasion.”

“You hold your own, Rogers.” Bucky assured him, reaching over to take Steve’s hand in his, stroking the pad of his thumb over the ridges of Steve’s knuckles.

Steve blinked slowly, looking from their joined hands up to Bucky’s face. It felt good, that fluttery feeling stirring in his gut at the contact. He gave Bucky a smile and squeezed his hand gently, making sure his consent was clear.

The movie rolled and they sipped their wine as Patrick did his best to woo Kat. Bucky slowly nudged closer to Steve until he was pressed against his side, his head leaning against Steve’s shoulder. He was warm and comfortable and completely unwilling to move by the time Letters to Cleo played into the credits.

“I can’t believe it’s after eleven already.” Steve yawned.

Bucky yawned next, set off by Steve’s. “Same. I had a really good night, Steve.” He looked up curiously, wondering if Steve had found any new revelations on their maybe-date.

“Me too. This was… really nice. Hey, um, I know this was a maybe-date, but maybe um…”

Bucky shifted so he could sit up taller and face Steve while he fumbled for words.

“I, um, I’d really like to kiss you right now.” Steve blurted out, looking equal parts excited and terrified.

Bucky’s smile was like the sun. “Okay, yeah.” Bucky reached out to cup Steve’s cheek, going agonizingly slow to give Steve a chance to bolt if he needed it. He leaned up a little and Steve craned his neck down, tentatively meeting Bucky’s lips with his own.

A soft press, a pause, another soft press, and then the kiss deepened, Bucky’s lips parting to slot Steve’s with his. Steve let out a choked off moan, unable to believe what he was doing and how good it felt. He let a hand rake through Bucky’s hair and it only made him want to feel more of the silky locks. The scent of cedar and teak from his cologne filled Steve’s nose and though it was very distinctly male, Steve couldn’t get enough of it. It was so much more than he could have expected but also not nearly enough. He was breathing raggedly when he finally pulled back, repressing a shudder at the well kissed expression on Bucky’s face. His full bottom lip was shining and red, his eyes heavy lidded and his chest heaving just as much as Steve’s.

“Whoa.” Steve finally breathed out in amazement.

“Yeah, whoa.” Bucky agreed. “So does this help in sorting out if this was a date-date?”

“I think it was definitely a date-date.”

“I’m glad. And do you think you’d want to try another date sometime?”

“When are you free next?” Steve chuckled, only half kidding.

“Easy there, pal.” Bucky warned lightly, patting Steve’s ridiculously broad chest. “We’ll find a day again soon.”

Steve nodded, knowing Bucky was right for wanting to take things slow. He led Bucky over to the door, giving him one last quick kiss goodbye before the brunette headed out into the early summer night. Steve was still floored by his own reactions to Bucky but it felt so right that he couldn’t agonize over it for long.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction #idiots in love #confused steve rogers #gay bucky barnes #modern day au #no powers

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frangipanilove · 4 years

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Episode 10x11 “Morningstar”: Sirius, the star that returns just before dawn...

SIRIUS AND MORNINGSTAR

A theme in all of my theories has been how TPTB like to utilize synonymous symbols, for example how the symbols «bear» and «beer» really means the same, and they are utilized in similar ways in TPTB’s use of symbolism. For example, both «beer» and «bear» ultimately points to the North Star, and it ultimately means «home». I’ve written about it elsewhere, so I won’t get into it here. The way it works is that one symbol alone does not tell the full story. It is the symbols together that act like a secret language, where words make up sentences, and several symbols together can tell complex stories. The Sirius symbolism tells one such complex story. It’s been a long story, it started in 4x12 «Still», but now were about to see that story come to its fulfillment, and I suspect these next few weeks will be glorious for TDers!

The Sirius symbolism is without a doubt what I’ve talked about the most in terms of TD symbolism. It took a couple of seasons for me to figure out which direction of TPTB wanted to take it, but I never doubted that I was on to something important, because TPTB consistently left enough breadcrumbs for me to follow, and there was no way they all could’ve been coincidences. I’ve written a master post on my interpretation of the Sirius symbolism here:

https://frangipanilove.tumblr.com/post/183736635005/sirius-and-the-north-star-or-pigs-feet-and-frosty

Since I’ve written so extensively on it earlier, I won��t go into detail, but the bullet points go something like this: Sirius is the brightest star on the night sky Sirius is affectionately called «the Dog Star» (hence all the dog symbolism around Beth) Sirius means «scorching, glowing» Sirius disappears from the night sky for a time, it’s «just gone»… Sirius eventually returns to the nights sky, it re-appears «just before Dawn» Sirius is therefore called «The Morningstar».

Try to put yourself in my shoes for one second. I’ve been tracking the Sirius symbolism for literal years, I’ve written tens of thousands of words on it, and even if I sometimes get super exited over «finds», or «evidence» I also spend a lot of time in self doubt, wondering where this symbolism is supposed to go. Because unless it actually goes somewhere, its useless. Sure, I believe in what I’ve found, and in recent years I’ve had the pleasure of sharing this theory with other brilliant theorists, and engaging in discussions with them, discussing it and enhancing the theories with the help of exeptionally creative people, and if they find it credible, then I shouldn't feel so much self doubt about it, right?

But I always feel that it needs to go somewhere. When will it culminate? When will it be fulfilled?

Well, I believe the time has come! I believe the Sirius symbolism will be fulfilled in a spectacular way real real soon. And this is why:

Episode 10x11 is called………»MORNINGSTAR»!!!

After all the Sirius symbolism we’ve had around Beth (and Rick) since s4, we will now, in just a few weeks, get an episode that will actually canonically be called «Morningstar». Remember, Sirius IS the Morningstar, it re-appears just before dawn after having been «just gone» for some time…

(originally it was Venus that was thought to be the Morningstar. However, Venus is a planet, not a star. It appears at dusk as well as at dawn, but mostly, its not the Morningstar because it’s a planet. Venus has a fascinating history in history, literature and mythology though, and I might do more on it at some point)

I became aware of the Sirius symbolism after 4x13, after watching the now legendary Sirius piggyback.

I observed the Frosty Cola on the kitchen table, serving as a massive hint towards the «Sirius» poems of Robert Frost, And interestingly, just before Siddiq was murdered in 10x7, TPTB gave us one of the most famous Robert Frost quotes in existence; «I’ve got miles to go before I sleep» It foreshadowed Siddiq’s death, but on a happier note, it also provided evidence that the Sirius symbolism was still at play, so many seasons later. Not that I ever doubted it, but its always nice to get confirmation.

THE 10X10 CLOCK FROM «SLABTOWN»

The 10x10 clock from «Slabtown» is probably the single most anticipated piece of symbolism in the TD fandom ever. But I want to officially throw out there that I believe the really groundbreaking symbolic gem will occur in 10x11 «Morningstar». And here’s why:

I’ve written thousands of words on the 10x10 clock over the years, and so has other brilliant theorists in the fandom such as @twdmusicboxmystery @angelthefirst1 @bethgreeneprevails and @wdway to name a few, as well as a large number of anonymous contributors. However, as much as I have been anticipating episode 10x10, I’m starting to believe that the correct way to interpret the «Slabtown» clock is to think of it as pointing towards episode 10x11 «Morningstar» rather that towards 10x10.

In other words, I believe the 10x10 clock from «Slabtown» points to episode 10x11, not 10x10.

Allow me to explain. In «Shane’s «22» necklace» theory, I talked a lot about different ways of interpreting the «Slabtown» clock. I discussed how it can be interpreted as pointing towards episode 2x2, 2x10, 10x2, 10x10.

Obviously these episode numbers consists of various combinations of the numbers on the 10x10 «Slabtown»clock. Read it here if you want:)

https://frangipanilove.tumblr.com/post/187351457970/blue-clues-shanes-22-necklace-truckers

In addition, the number «22» is interesting, as «22» is a different way of writing 10PM. Of course, I want to tie it to the theory I wrote on Shane’s «22» necklace.

But first and foremost, in my opinion it’s Noah's t-shirt that primarily foreshadows 10x11 as an important TD episode. Link to noah’s T-shirt theory here:

https://frangipanilove.tumblr.com/post/185522170650/noahs-t-shirt-theory

Remember Noah's t-shirt? A stylized version of the Blue Heron bird seen behind both Rick and Beth? The bird that I believe ultimately represents survival, rebirth, salvation-via-helicopter?

Noah's t-shirt also had the mysterious writing «One One Recording Studio» on it. And this is the important part; «One One» can be interpreted simply as «2»!

Or….»11»!

And if this is starting to seem a bit technical with a bunch of random numbers, please don’t give up on me just yet, there will be a point to all of this! The «one one» on Noahs t-shirt is not random, far from it! It’s super significant !

Remember the fire truck that Abe and friends found, and used to drive towards Washington DC back in 5x5 «Self Help»? They conveniently found it in a building that had a giant «102» written on it. The fire truck itself had «82» written on it. It foreshadowed the Blue Heron painting seen behind Rick in 8x2, and it was one of the first instances of foreshadowing fulfilled that I discovered myself. I wrote about it in «Noah's t-shirt theory».

But my point this time around, is that I suspected that there could be several ways of interpreting the «82» on the fire truck. It could clearly also point to 8x11, because obviously «11» consists of two «ones», or «one one» as Noah's t-shirt said.

And 8x11 actually turned out to be a treasure trove of this particular brand of Sirius symbolism that ’m looking for.

Remember in Robert Frost’s original poems about Sirius he describes Sirius as a «…heavenly overlord with a star in its eye». Sirius was referred to as a one-eyed dog because of the celestial maps used at the time, had the constellation “Canis Major” depicted with a star in one eye (Sirius), giving the impression of being a one-eyed dog.

TPTB played into this impression of Sirius as a one-eyed dog by having the scruffy one-eyed dog come visit Beth and Daryl in 4x13 «Alone». Sirius as a one-eyed dog is canon in TWD-verse.

So, back to 8x11. We watched Father Gabriel, almost blind due to an infection on the optical nerve, stumble his way across a virtual minefield of animal traps surrounding a dilapidated house that we later came to affectionately call the Radio Shack.

Radios are closely associated to Sirius symbolism due to the connotation to Sirius Satellite Radio, something which I explained in my Sirius masterpost that I linked to above.

So the fact that FG lost his eyesight on one eye in this episode (and became a Sirius figure «with a star in one eye» ) is super significant.

There were other significant moments as well, such as when FG and Dr. Carson found a piggy bank with the inscription «Ham Radio» in the radio shack. Ham radio is a term describing short band amateur radio.

But anyone remember the «Sirius Piggyback» from «Alone»? In order to tie these two episodes together, TPTB gave us a Sirius Piggyback in 4x13, and a Sirius Piggybank in 8x11.

Also, I believe there’s a connection between the «Ham Radio» Piggy bank, the Sirius piggyback and the Pig’s feet. More on that in a different post.

An even crazier callback to «Alone» was the animal traps outside the radio shack. Dr. Carson managed to step into one of them, much like Beth did in 4x13.

The Sirius callbacks in 8x11 makes me expect great things from 10x11 «Morningstar». And on the surface, it will probably be about the new cool medieval weapon we’ve seen Daryl sexily carrying around in various teasers. But come on! This episode is not about some weapon, unless you want to describe Beth as a weapon. And I’m sure you could!

I also at one point wrote a post about a sequence from 2x8 “Nebraska”. Rick, Glenn and Hershel encountered a couple of guys from Philadelphia. They weren’t the friendly kind, and ended up dead pretty soon, but the sequence was interesting for a few reasons. One, the Philly dude was wearing a sports team t-shirt with the number...yes...11 on the back. Also, much later it was indicated through a teaser that the Helicopter people had taken Rick to Philadelphia. Or at least that Philadelphia was involved in Rick’s new arc in some way.

Here’s my post on it:

https://frangipanilove.tumblr.com/post/187000918775/the-philadelphia-angle-or-noahs-t-shirt-theory

I’ve been tracking Sirius symbolism since s4. Its not a coincidence that we now get an episode called «Morningstar»! It’s fulfillment of symbolism from up to six seasons ago. And it’s certainly no coincidence that «Morningstar» will be the eleventh episode of the season. On the contrary, it’s a continuation of the Sirius thematics introduced in 8x11, with FG, the radio shack and the animal traps.

It will also be a fulfillment of the «One One Recording Studio» written on Noah's t-shirt.

And, if you need further evidence that 10x11 will be huge for TD, consider that Christ at one point in the Bible, namely in Revelation 22.16, described himself as «the Morningstar»:

«I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.» Every TDer will recognize Beth as a Christ figure, and reading about Christ describing himself as the «morning star» should make us all very exited about 10x11.

This is already long, so I’ll stop now. But know that there is plenty more to say about this. For instance, despite having written about Shane’s «22» necklace, I haven’t elaborated much on the Beth/Shane parallels/anti-parallels, which I absolutely could’ve. But did anyone notice exactly where in «Revelation» Christ referred to himself as the «Morning Star»? Yup, it was Revelation 22.16.

We have a «22» reference and a «Morning Star» reference in the same spot in the Bible. Shane has a «22» necklace, and the «10x10» clock from «Slabtown» can be interpreted as pointing to various episodes containing the numbers «22» (2x2, 2x10, 10x2, 10x10), it could point to «22» as in 10PM, it could point to 10x11 «Morningstar», it could point to Revelation 22.16. It’s never-ending.

Not to mention, something that occurred to me the other day…At this point I’m not entirely sure how much emphasis I should put on it, but as far a coincidences go, this was an interesting one…

Daryls scar can easily be interpreted as pointing towards 10x11! The “x” obviously stands for “10″, and the parallel lines could easily be interpreted as “2″, or “11″...

Interestingly, it is also fairly common to utilize «Morningstar» as a name associated with the Devil, as in Lucifer Morningstar. And here’s where it gets messy, because «Lucifer» literally means «Light Bringer» and is meant to describe “Venus as the Morningstar” bringing the first light. To my knowledge, the use of «Morningstar» as a name for the Devil has its origin from art and literature rather than from the Bible. But I’m curious to see what TPTB does with this rich material. There are so many ways they could play it.

But bottom line is, Venus was a planet, while Sirius is the actual Morning Star. And the Morningstar will arrive in about three weeks....

Can this hiatus please be over already, it’s been 184 years…

#Team Delusional #team defiance #team beth lives #bethyl #Beth Greene #BETH LIVES #beth is alive #beth x daryl #beth and daryl #twd #10x11 morningstar

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adamsvanrhijn · 4 years

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Ooh for the director's cut, I'd love to hear about the Jan 12, 1930 letter from "strange how I fit into you (there's a distance erased with the greatest of ease)"--if you need to break it up smaller, please do! I don't know if that's too long :p (or if there's something more interesting in that fic you're dying to talk about, I could have picked anything from it so please feel free to take this as a Star)

it is not nearly as long as it could be!! :-3 i think i can do all of it; let’s see! under a cut regardless. :-3

link to fic: strange how I fit into you (there's a distance erased with the greatest of ease)

yes we use the entire title every time....yes we do

Jan 12, 1930

Dear Richard,

While I wait for you to telephone I thought I would write you a letter anyway. I know I've kept you waiting, and I'm sorry to have done. I've been busy, but you know what that's like.

the scenario here, of course, is that they have scheduled a telephone call (either for this night or on a recurring basis; it’s up to the reader until we get to that point in the other fic in this series, which is a ways out) within the next hour or so & thomas has nothing to do until then so he decides to write. self-explanatory! :-3

the other element is that they don’t write every day or even necessarily on a regular basis anymore, by this point in their relationship. it’s been about 2.5 years since they met and they’ve been going strong, but they’ve also (richard especially) got lives and jobs they have to take care of when they can’t be together, and those can be fairly consuming. it’s right after christmas in this scenario after a very bad winter, and the crawleys are going through a lot! (almost exactly two months earlier: Here in Downton we're not being very optimistic about anything at the moment.) so that’s affecting thomas more than the already-busy time of year normally would be. there is a Lot happpening at the abbey (which will be Gotten To in the fic that prequels/coincides with this one). we’re entering the great depression. work wise he’s been in a better place before. mental health wise he’s been in a better place before. but, he also some good things going for him too, and those are very much things he shares with richard, so.

Speaking of keeping people waiting, your mum told me to tell you to write her back. I'm sure I'll say this to you in an hour but in case I forget there it is. I told her that this is a very busy time of year for you, and she said that when she worked for Queen Victoria they didn't have any of the modern conveniences you do and she still managed to find the time to keep correspondence with her dear mother and father. So, you have no excuse.

i just.......... love richard’s mom lol, love writing variations on her... in this verse she was a royal dresser herself in the ‘80s before she quit to marry mr ellis, yorkshire farmboy childhood sweetheart of her dreams, and have five beautiful & talented children (whom we shall get to shortly). you’re getting OC backstory in this commentary haha.

now, the thing that Matters here for the reader though is that thomas was not only With Richard’s Mother, but that he was without richard present, and that also richard’s mum is close enough to & trusts thomas enough to bother him to harp at her son for him... because she understands that richard’s going to talk to his boyfriend more than he’s going to talk to her. and for thomas that’s huge, but it’s not new to him; the switch happened somewhere in ‘29. but the reader doesn’t get to see that, they only get to see this, so it’s like, epistolary in media res haha.

i’m actually curious to know when the click point in this letter was for people, because it’s been mentioned a few times in comments & in conversations i’ve had since then...!

this letter is really like, a foil to the sept 23 1928 letter, when richard & thomas visit richard’s family together and then thomas writes to him while he’s on his way back. in jan 1930, richard is in norfolk doing his job, hasn’t been north in months except passing through it to get to balmoral castle, etc, so the vibe is different, but i wanted to convey that this has been going on for a while -- thomas is seeing richard’s family on his own on a semi-regular basis, and they’re inclusive of him to the point where they treat him as an extension-of-richard (in the thoughtful, romance-supporting way, not the not-your-own-person way).

Everybody else says hello and that they miss you and wish you could have come home for Christmas. Surely some of them have put this to you in writing by now but I am passing on the message anyway.

Other notable things from Sunday dinner that I'll try not to ramble on about once I've got you on the telephone:

and so same thing here, really!

worth noting that this day was thomas’s christmastide day off. (despite being three weeks after, but again. stuff goin on with the crawleys.)

thomas is being a little flippant here... ascribing a different emotion to the thing he’s doing than the one he actually has. the fact that the ellises trust & value him is huge for him and he’s taking the responsibility to be the middleman very seriously, but he’s uncomfortable letting on that he feels that way, so he’s sort of downplaying both in put this to you in writing by now And try not to ramble on about. like, richard is Definitely gonna ask him to tell him all about how his family is and he knows it, but he’s also worried about getting any of it wrong/leaving things out etc so he’s putting it down on paper, too. which has the advantage of helping him organise his thoughts before they call! but the lessening-his-own-role-in-this thing is certainly a Thing indeed.

richard knows what he means by it at this point though. :-)

I got to hold Ruthie. Dick, in my forty years of life I have seen some very sweet babies, and you just may have the honour of being uncle to the sweetest of them all. I hope you can come meet her soon. It doesn't feel right that I should get to see your niece before you do.

this is another integrating-thomas-into-the-family thing and also a Giving Thomas Children To Love thing haha. ruthie is of course the newest leaf on the ellis family tree! she’s the daughter of one of richard’s sisters (dorothy, sister 2/3, unmentioned in this fic because she doesn’t bother her brother about doing his laundry for him), she’s a november scorpio, she’s VERY sweet and thomas got a lump in his throat while he was holding her.

those last two sentences... some very sincere thoughts there being expressed in plain language. like, on the one hand this is amazing for thomas and he’s finally, finally got an actual family to feel a part of. on the other hand it is missing a very big piece that is important to him and to everybody else, and thomas has such a strong sense of justice that kind of comes out here. both in the sense of thinking he’s not worthy of what he’s being given (a chronic issue of this thomas) / not knowing his place 100%, and, wanting richard to have what he’s entitled to but can’t access because of the position he’s in. and that’s not a comfortable feeling for thomas, because it’s something he’s powerless to, so there’s a reason he doesn’t dwell on it.

Teddy is about as tall as I am, which I do not remember as being the case the last time I saw him. This is what happens when first footmen breed. Maybe by the time you see him he'll be as tall as you are, which, as I have said in the past, is not actually that much taller than me. Just so we're crystal clear.

teddy is the oldest of richard’s nieces/nephews! he’s the first son of his older brother, who Was A First Footman & he’s like 17 here. again this is really about like, establishing that thomas seeing richard’s family is ongoing and that he’s serving kind of as the link between richard and his own family in a way. they’re really integrating as a couple. which is a BIG part of this fic that matters more once they move in together a few years after this bit but right now we’re laying the ground work for it.

aaaaaaaaand teasing of course. :-3

You must have received yours weeks ago already, but Hannah gave me the scarf she made. I can't believe you managed to keep this a secret from me. I am very impressed with you. Luckily, I did not cry in front of anybody in your family when I opened it but I felt like I could have.

matching handmade scarves!!! yes!!! i guess the thing here is just more thomas-being-an-honorary-ellis stuff but also showing how richard works within his own family... hannah, sister 3/3, worked with him on figuring out/applying what thomas likes, so that’s part one, and part two is that like, she was Expecting to see thomas and to give him his gift in person, whereas she mailed richard’s to get to him in time for christmas. and thomas is aware of that, and for him her waiting to see him and physically put the thing in his hands means a lot and so there’s some overwhelming emotions going on there, as he mentions.

I don't know what you told May and John, but I had only been in the house five minutes when…

…

being sister & brother in law, respectively. i..... wanna get into the thing going on here elsewhere in the series so i’ll let it be for now. sorry !

…well, it is five minutes past. Knowing you I am assuming you'll be calling in the next 2-6 minutes, so here is as good a place as any to stop.

richard stops keeping track of time the second his majesty king george the 5th goes to bed at 11:10pm on the dot and so is pretty much always fashionably late, but thomas has figured out how to adjust and it is something they can tease each other about + share as an injoke. and not only is it teasing but it’s also Correct, in this case at least! :-)

I wish you had been there today. I am thinking of you.

Your loving,

T.B.

and this is just an emotional but understated letter closing from thomas, expressing the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, etc. :-3

i’m getting sleepy and now i’m kinda worried this isn’t gonna make sense / is too repetitive etc haha so if you’re dying to know smth else just lmk :’-)

#downton abbey tag #my fanfiction

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