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darthwheezely · 3 years

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dating george weasley and being a ravenclaw

warnings: stupidly [wickedly] hot men named george fabian weasley, kinda smut, cussing fs, angst because our angel is insecure, also i may have almost cried writing this and it’s sO LONG I AM SO SORRY

people that may like this (?): @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @gcdric (whenever you’re back! :)) @theweasleyslut @thehufflepuffwife @lupinsclassroom @wand3ringr0s3 @kitwalker02 @monoscandal @pansydaisy

i’m obsessy espressy w this pic btw please take it for your enjoyment

this man boy

is so enamored with you

he doesn’t even really know a whole lot about you at first, stealing glances from across the great hall

listening intently when you answer questions in class

he starts to memorize the way you roll your eyes when you ask snape a question you can’t answer

and the way you wrinkle your nose when someone stereotypes you based on your house

you’re fiery, but you’re so poised for quick answers and sharp looks

he would pay big money to have you roast him during class like you do to cormac when he tries to hit on you a lot

which earns him many a revenge prank

and then he starts to try and talk to you, rather foolishly at first

but he finds it so intensely sexy the banter you two get involved in during these interactions

“If it isn’t my favorite little bird, Y/N ;)”

“Aren’t there other nests for you to bother, Weasley?”

“None that I find as mildly riveting, my dear, I do love a bird that chirps back”

“Do you like ones that bite, too?”

“I don’t know if your beak is sharp enough, love”

“Come up to me when I’m reading again, and I’ll give you some harder evidence of just how bad my bite is hmm?”

(Unbeknownst to you as you walk away, he’s already got some harder evidence growing in his jeans...)

he doesn’t stop searching you out, determined to prove to you he’s enough

you two after about a week and a half finally go out to hogsmeade on your first date

he takes you to the three broomsticks where you both drink butterbeer and make deep conversation for hours until close

there’s a point where he makes you laugh so hard you snort and spit out some of your butterbeer

which makes him snort and spit out his butterbeer

he realizes a couple things then:

1) he’s obsessed with the way you tell stories or talk passionately about the subjects you love. he adores watching how you light up everywhere in your body and talk so fast at points you can’t breathe

2) he wants to live in your head. he studies the way you think and watches you intently as you process punchlines and stories and memories and he realizes

i need to be something she thinks about

and without realizing it while you’re laughing super hard he puts his hand on the back of your neck and kisses you like it’s the last night on this planet

after about 12 seconds he pulls away and starts to turn red seeing your blank face unmoved

“i-i’m really sorry i promise i didnt mean to be that guy i just-“

and you’re pressing into him everywhere mouth and body and mind and he’s drinking you in like the butterbeer stained on his scarf and he is totally balls deep in love with you

you two are inseparable after that, making it official on the walk back to the castle

if you’re going on a stress tangent about how much work you have, for Beverly negative thought he’ll press a kiss to a pet of your face until you’re giggling and a mess and you’re kissing him back and then you’re on the table in the library...

“Georgie, you’re gonna kill my grades if we keep doing this!”

“You kill me everytime you blink for godric’s sake and yet here I am!”

he is a simp

he says he isn’t but anytime you bring out the “georgie, please” or “love, please” he turns to butter

fred thinks it’s the funniest shit and he capitalizes on it constantly

he calls you his little bird

most specifically his mockingbird because he claims you always set him at ease and make him feel like everything is centered

and he’s right, you do

you center the wild fire in him when he needs to breathe and look around

you see parts of him that aren’t balanced

there’s a night when you walk in on him just curled on his bed crying

your beautiful boy alone and sad and you instinctively start to cry too

You wrap your arms around him as he turns to you and buried his head in your lap. George, my love, what’s wrong?”

“I-I’m not like Fred I’m not like Charlie I’m sure as shit not like Bill I’m not like anyone that’s actually important” he chokes

“George-“

“No, you don’t understand, Y/N. I’m not good enough. For anyone. And I see it and hear about it everyday when my mum brags about how great her kids are and save us for last and when Fred can never shut up about how good he is at EXISTING and I-it swallows me whole, Y/N, I cant feel like this anymore” his body wracks out a harsh sob and you hold him like this

You hold him until he can start to fall asleep and you lay with him until you too, are asleep when he wakes up to tell you

“I love you. Forever, Y/N.”

And you push the hair off his lightly sweaty forehead and tell him “and I love YOU, George Weasley.” and you two fall back asleep happy crying in each other’s arms

he sees you struggle too

struggle with your workload

struggle with your own insecurities of not being good enough for him

telling him you’re just a girl that talks a lot about weird stuff and that you bring him down and he every time cups your face in his hands and pulls you down into him and says

“I love you here.” And kisses your forehead. “I love your mind.” And kisses below your earlobe “and I love you here. How you listen to people and always know what to say” and he kisses your nose “and I love you here, how you snort when you laugh really hard.” And he finally lands on your mouth, staying there for a moment, “and I love you most of all here. When you speak everything in your head and laugh and sing and talk and just breathe, my love. You’ve always been enough in all those places.” He presses one more kiss to your forehead and murmurs “I love you everywhere.”

anyway it’s time for spicy stuff

bow chicka wow wow as Fred would prolly say

George loves fucking you in the library it’s canon

he loves hoisting you on a table or against the stacks and murmuring against your skin how loud you are for him

“Is my little bird wanting to chirp a little louder?” He pries your thighs farther apart prompting a squeak and a small whine. “There it is, love, taking me so well...keep quiet, angel don’t want Pince to know how much of a cockslut you are for me writhing against the shelves do you?”

whew chile anyways

he also likes to touch you when you’re reading to him

but will stop and pull his face away from your neck and your hand from your core when you stop reading to him

“Angel, are you so much of a slut that you can’t focus on the words in front of you?”

“N-no, Georgie, oh my god right there”

“Thereeee, it is-“

mmmmm he’s hot fuck on GOD

when you guys slept together for the first time, he brought you to the *ding ding ding* restricted section after hours

he set up a whole ass blanket and relit the candles and brought pillows

it was very much making love to george and he whispered sweet nothings and praises in your ear the entire time

ugh what a MAN

anyway, TO THE BURROW WE GO!

molly fucking adores you

“My George brought home a beautiful Ravenclaw? Please know, Y/N he is an idiot most of the time and we wouldn’t be hurt if you found an out-“

“JESUS MUM LEAVE ME ALONE SKENSOWOWKWKKW”

again, Fred really does love you and enjoy your company

frequently comments about truly how unconditionally happy George has been, and how happy it makes him to see his younger twin so confident and full of joy

he also wouldn’t say this out loud but the more confident georgie gets, the better his prank plans become

i mean after all - he is the brains of the operations ;)

every chance he gets when you’re around his family or really anyone, he’ll sneak up behind you and plant a hearty kiss on your cheek and a quick “ILOVEYOU” in your ear before running off to do god knows what

oh, y’all bicker constantly

and by bicker i just mean argue about like

aliens

or is Wyoming a state

just like factually dumb but quirky shit

you’ve only had a fight like ONE time

and it was because George took a prank too far with Fred and you didn’t talk to him for an entire day

and because George has a lot of separation anxiety plus fear of abandonment he did not take it really well

You had gone back to your room after dinner in the Great Hall. For the whole day George didn’t eat. You knew because you hadn’t seen him anywhere in the Hall, and none of your classes. When you opened the door you saw him crouching knees pressed to his chest on your bed, he looked like a ghost. He met eyes with you and choked out a sob and ran to you, you opening your arms to hold him. “Please forgive me, Y/N I know you’re hurt but please don’t leave me I’ll be better next time I promise” he got faster and you knew he couldn’t breathe so you just whispered to him you weren’t going to leave you’ll be with him and you’ll stay and mistakes happen, you promise. “Georgie, I promise I’m never leaving. Okay?” He nodded into your shoulder, hunched into you. “I love you so much it hurts.” “I know, Georgie. I know.”

regardless for all his quirks and all his fears and hurts

there is nothing you wouldn’t do

to spend every waking moment with this boy

your love

and he, for the first time, knows he is enough

#George weasley #george weasley x ravenclaw!reader #George weasley smut #george weasley imagine #george weasley headcanon #harry potter imagine #harry potter headcanon #Harry Potter

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atla-hcs-and-bakoda · 3 years

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Bato’s Backstory

ok so this is gonna be long, buckle up. This is my personal interpretation of bato’s backstory, it likely makes no canonical or reasonable sense, but canon does not exist and i make the rules. this is purely self-indulgent crack-treated-seriously. This is what all the other hcs, unless stated otherwise, will be set in.

Note about Bato: in my interpretation of him, he has teal/cyan eyes and darker brown hair than in the show, his skin tone has not changed.

(unfortunately this is not a zukka au, just a bakoda one. bato’s backstory is kind of an au in my mind, so when i do ship zukka, its not in this au)

(the bold letters at the beginning of the paragraphs are for accessibility)

‘Present’ (only a few months after zuko’s coronation) ages: Hakoda & Bato - 41 Kya - 42 Iroh - 65 Ozai - 47

under the cut because oh boy this is long, sorry asdfghfd

So, our story begins in the fire nation, about 59 AG, Iroh is the 25 year old crown prince, and recently had a child with his wife, Minami, on the coldest day of winter. They named him Shui, and they, quite frankly, spoilt him with their love. Minami stayed in the castle while Iroh was at war, and always sang to Shui while putting his hair up or putting him to bed.

One day, when Shui was 9, Azulon decided to take his family to Ember Islands on vacation, like the royal family has been doing for generations. However, there was a bad storm, and the ship got thrown near the south. Little Shui followed Iroh onto the deck, and fell overboard when a big wave hit the other side of the boat, rocking it and making him fall.

The royal family and crew tried to save him, but the waves dragged him under, and once the storm cleared, he was presumed dead. Iroh and Minami mourned the loss of their first son, who died so young that he hardly got to live life at all. Ozai mourned to a minor extent, as he was 15 at the time and wasn’t as bad as he is in the present, but not for as long as Shui’s parents, or grandfather, did.

Meanwhile, in the southern water tribe, little 9 year old Hakoda was wandering down at the seaside with his father when he came across a young boy unconscious in the snow, the cold water nearly freezing him to death. His father hurried him back to the tribe with the young boy’s body. For days, Hakoda sat beside the bed, rarely moving from the spot, keeping watch on the mystery boy. And eventually, he woke up.

Hakoda introduced himself once the boy was fully awake, but when asked his name, the boy said “i...i don’t remember...” So, instead, Hakoda decided to pick a name for him; Bato. The boy agreed to the name, and after a week, got adopted by one of the tribesmen, a close friend of Hakoda’s father. After that, the two children were an unstoppable duo, they did many successful pranks on everyone, including Hakoda’s mother, Kanna.

However, every once in a while, Bato would blurt out something without thinking, and when questioned, wouldn’t be able to remember it at all. For instance, Bato and Hakoda were once watching the stars late at night, when Bato pointed at a constellation and called it Druk. Hakoda laughed, but Bato insisted that was its name. Hakoda asked where Bato learned that, since thats not what their tribe calls it, and Bato had no recollection of learning it.

(This continued well into teenagehood, when Bato realised at the ripe old age of 14 that he was, in fact, in love with his best friend. He didn’t come out for a long time, in fear of his tribe’s reaction. Deep down he knew they’d accept him with open arms, but his anxiety said otherwise.)

At 12, there was a fire nation raid while Bato was at the seaside, and he recognised both the ship and flag instantly despite not being told prior about the Southern Raiders. He ran to tell the chief, and thanks to his quick reaction, saved the tribe to a degree. Many waterbenders still died, however.

At 15, Bato and Hakoda went ice-dodging with their respective fathers- and eachother. Hakoda recieved the mark of the wise, and Bato recieved the mark of the brave.

One night at 15, they were cuddling in Hakoda’s bed (because thats what best friends do, of course. its cold, no other reason, totally not) when Hakoda noticed Bato’s eye color; Teal. not the regular water tribe blue, not a dark blue, or even a light blue, but pure Teal. Although hakoda would still argue to this day that bato’s eyes are cyan. When questioned about his eye color, Bato shrugged and brushed it off as an uncommon trait. But Hakoda realised nobody else in the tribe had cyan eyes, just blue.

Then, at 16, the boys got into a bad avalanche that resulted in Hakoda getting knocked out. Bato woke up hours later, and pulled his best friend out of the snow. He realised Hakoda wasnt breathing, and started to cry, taking his gloves off to cling to Hakoda and try feel the warmth of his pulse, to no avail. He closed his eyes and cried, when his hands lit on fire. When he realised what he just did, he put the flame out and made a plan, carrying Hakoda to the dog sled quite a bit from the avalanche, and set them on course for the tribe while he carefully lit his hands back on fire after a few attempts, and kept Hakoda warm.

Just before they got to the tribe, Hakoda started breathing again, shallowly, and his father quickly took both of them to the healer when they arrived back. This time, it was Bato who sat beside the bed and waited for Hakoda to wake up, refusing to eat much until his friend woke up.

He never told anyone about his bending.

A few months later, Hakoda met and started dating Kya, and Bato’s heart broke. he was happy for hakoda, he really was, but deep down it still hurt him to see him with someone else.

At 20, Hakoda’s father went off to war. At 22, Hakoda became Chief, and Bato became the second-in-command.

At 23, Hakoda proposed to Kya after like 20 failed attempts at carving a betrothal necklace. Bato’s heart broke a tiny bit more, but he ignored it to be happy for his friend. Bato had to sleep alone for the first time since he joined the southern water tribe, he didn’t sleep much when alone.

2 years later, at 25, Sokka was born, and Bato babysat him a lot when Hakoda and Kya were busy. Bato admittedly vented to baby sokka quite a bit, and showed him very minor firebending tricks he practiced during sleepless nights, which was most nights.

At 26, Katara was born, and Bato now babysat two little children, both of which he adored with all his heart. He himself is infertile, so Katara and Sokka were the closest thing he had to his own children.

Things went mostly peacefully for years, until 34, when Kya got killed. After the raid, Hakoda wouldnt eat for days at a time, completely depressed and exhausted. Bato would offer him small plates of food and sit with him, letting him vent or cry or whatever Hakoda needed to do to get the stress and pain out. He also looked after Sokka and Katara while Hakoda couldn’t, and usually slept next to Hakoda’s bed, watching over the chief, along with his kids, as both children were terrified to sleep by themselves, Hakoda was scared of losing them, and Bato couldn’t bare the thought of not keeping them safe.

After years of recovering, Hakoda eventually had to head out to war with the men of the tribe, Bato included. Bato’s heart broke watching Sokka beg to come with them, but he knew it was for the best.

3 months after leaving, Bato came out to Hakoda in the Chieftan’s private room in the boat, and Hakoda accepted him with open arms, and promised to not tell anyone until Bato was ready. Bato fell a lot more in love.

At 5 months, he started very carefully dropping hints to Hakoda that he likes him, slightly-too-friendly-to-be-platonic compliments, cuddling him in hakoda’s room “because its cold” (they were nowhere near cold climates), and other vaugely homoerotic stuff like that. All of it went over Hakoda’s head.

(At 6 months he straight up told Hakoda at night on the deck “Your my stars, Hakoda. Whenever i’m lost, you always bring me home.”, and Hakoda responded “Thanks Bato, I’m happy your my friend too.”, Bato stayed awake all night in utter disbelief. He still teases Hakoda about it.)

1 year after leaving, Bato realised he might not be as much of a guy as he thought he was. He silently decided to put that train of thoughts on hold until the war was over. (In his heart he knew the war would never be over until the fire nation won. especially with sozin’s comet only a year away and- he doesnt remember what sozin’s comet is.)

When his arm got burned, he burned the soldier right back with his good arm out of sight of everyone else, and managed to shove them overboard before the pain hit him. He’s always had a high pain tolerance. After the fight ended, Hakoda carried Bato to the abbey, and they had a tearful goodbye, where Bato quietly confessed his love as Hakoda walked out the room. Hakoda thought about it until he saw Bato again.

When they reunited, Hakoda confessed his love back to Bato, and they kissed right in the open, it took a lot of self control for the other tribesmen to not cheer, they had known for literally forever, the only person in the tribe who didnt know bato was in love with hakoda was hakoda.

Somehow, it took until the war was over for Sokka and Katara to find out they had a step-dad. They already considered Bato to be their second dad, so not much exactly changed.

The day of Zuko’s coronation, Bato got talking with Iroh, and when the topic came to children, Iroh explained how both his sons were dead, one dying at 9 from a storm, and the other dying at 20 from war. When Iroh says his youngest (eldest?) son’s name, Shui, Bato remembers the storm, and Iroh notices Bato’s rare cyan eyes.

They have a nice reunion, although Bato has to sit down for a while to process all this and figure out his family tree. He decides not to tell Hakoda yet, but he does spend a while walking through the palace with Iroh and remembering parts of his early childhood. He cant bring himself to go into the room of firelord portraits.

A month after zuko’s coronation, he sits Hakoda down and explains that he’s a bender, and he’s apparently fire nation royalty. Hakoda gets temporarily mad, but eventually calms down and hugs Bato when his friend told him that his firebending saved both himself and hakoda, and that he would never be like his forefathers or uncle. Hakoda takes a while to fully accept it, but eventually warms up (heh) to the concept, and continues to use Bato as a personal space heater.

Two months after zuko’s coronation, he finally decides to tackle the “i’m not as much as a guy as i thought” issue, and he decides to go to Iroh and Toph for advice over tea, where Iroh suggests some wise stuff, but Toph simply explains what non-binary is, and suggests Bato may be Demiboy. (Although Bato prefers to call himself Demiguy, he doesnt like being called a boy) The Gender Crisis continues for about another week, and takes another half a month for him to come out to Hakoda. Bato was somewhat internally afraid he wouldnt be counted as one of the men, but Hakoda was overwhelmingly supportive, and admitted that he knew Bato wasn’t exactly cis, he just never knew the words to use.

Bato spends a while at the palace after the coronation to get his bearings on being half fire nation and a prince, he learns purple is a very good color on him.(Hakoda later jokes that it was foreshadowing for Bato realising he was enby, as he wasnt blue or red)

He bonds quite a bit with Zuko, Iroh, and Toph during his stay, but eventually goes back to the southern water tribe, the place he truly considers home. Although, he does go and visit the fire nation every once in a while. He even goes to Ember Islands and has a vacation day with both of his families.

After about two years, He finally makes a betrothal necklace for Hakoda, with the symbol of the water tribe on it and flames coming up from the waves, both of them totally cry happy tears when he proposes privately under the light of the aurora.

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dangan-happy · 3 years

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KAME-HAME FORGET ABOUT IT!

I would like to say thank you to mod taichi, mod rantaro and mod komaeda. I am the anon who was desperate, the one who struggles with academic issue, keep sleeping past midnight because of extra chores, and struggling with executive dysfunction. I don't know how to refer myself haha

It's funny, I saw the notification from your blog about my ask when I was REALLY in need of comfort unexpectedly. it was one of the worse day, I failed the selection to go to college I'm aiming for. there is an alternate way by taking a test but it was a huge and important thing for me, because other relatives would talk (or possibly brag) about how their children are doing wonderfully in academic stuff to my parents. I don't want my parents to feel embarrassed because of me. so of course, it gives me a LOT of anxiety. my heart is beating rapidly that my chest hurts so much.

Then I receive your response to my ask. It's very comforting, it calmed me down. I may teared up a bit. I really appreciate the advices, encouragements, and hugs. (I love hugs) Especially mod komaeda's advices. Thank you so much, I appreciate them. They really mean a lot to me. I didn't realize how much I needed all of these. To be honest, when I was re-reading my ask, I almost can't believe I typed all that. I didn't realize how much I struggled and desperate I am. It was truly a moment of weakness lmao

I've been struggling to respond your response because,, well. I'm still struggling haha. Unfortunately, after I send that ask, things are getting hella rough for me. It was one of those unlucky phase of time, where your days get worse each day, except this time is WAY worse because I'm going to graduate in a month and I have an important exam in two days. Then I got hit by other problems too like a member of my group project doesn't corporate so we were late to submit and it was even half done (it happened just a hour ago and it gives me an emotional breakdown because it was an important one but I'm fine now), I got blamed for something I didn't do (this happens a lot anyway but I'm very drained mentally and physically), I accidentally spat something that I've been keeping to myself to my parents and made them angry (I don't want to talk about my true feelings to them bc they only make me feel worse or worse, they get upset), more homeworks to catch up and more stressful stuff .

Basically anxiety is on my ass 24/7. It's the worst time of my life.

But whenever I hit rock bottom I would re-read your response and it lifts me up, you know? It always cheers me up reading your kind words about me, and as cheesy as it sounds, it makes me feel hopeful haha. But I never felt this hopeful before. So I'm very thankful for it, and thankful for the other mods who work hard helping other people too who come to this blog. Because even though I'm still struggling and facing the worst time right now, I'm not doing as bad as before.

Is it alright if I ask for another hug? Sorry, this whole ask ended up with me venting again haha. But I really am doing not as bad as before... I guess I'm doing better. Step by step maybe. Again, thank you so much!!

( By the way, this is out of topic but... hopefully people who know me don't recognize me on this blog for this question haha (if they do then oh well. shrugs): which one does look scarier for you, Once-ler from Lorax or the character designs from the movie called Cats (2019)? I'm not hating the movie, my friend and I are having a lighthearted discourse about it. u_u )

(Neither. Neither one is even that scary at all, for I fear nothing ~ Mod Hajime 🍊🌈)

---

O-Oh, welcome back, kiddo! Whoa, that’s quite the ask you got here. But it’s more or less an update, i-if I’m correct, and a decent one at th-that. Like you said, it’s all step by step progress, wh-which is still progress no matter how you look at it.

I-I hate to hear that there’s been a few extra bumps along the road since your last ask, b-but I’m at least glad to hear that you’ve been making some sort of progress. Progress is still progress, no matter what. I-I’m just glad that you came to us. I-I’m just some average programmer, but I will agree that Nagito and Rantaro did amazing. Nagito’s... quite the interesting kiddo, but he means well, and Rantaro’s a brotherly figure th-that everyone likes, one way or another. Me? Ah, well... I-I can at least give good hugs, I guess?

S-Speaking of hugs, I’d love to give you one. I-I can at least do that right, heh. I’ll give you as many hugs as you want, kiddo. I personally don’t mind at all.

Hey there anon, you don't have to worry about referring to yourself, I remember you just fine! Hey, how's that for awesome timing huh? I'm glad you could read our answers when you needed it. I'm sorry to hear that you were having a worse day, but hey, it sounds like there's a way to make that test up a different way, so I'd give your all to trying that route. Don't give up just yet ok? Damn, yeah, I'm no stranger to the whole family bragging thing, that's a whole lot of pressure I think both of us can do without. It's really thoughtful of you to worry about your parents in this scenario, but you can worry about yourself too ok? Regardless of what you do, they should still be proud of you, and if they aren't, they're completely oblivious to your intelligence level and the amazing things you can do. Aw, I'm smiling real hard hearing how much our response helped, I'm always worried that I didn't help, or I somehow made it worse. Not gonna lie, this did give me a confidence boost. Hey, it's ok, you were in a more emotional state. It wasn't a moment of weakness. Everyone breaks down like that from time to time, and I'm happy that we were here to help you at the time. So don't feel bad about that, you're only human, and it's ok to get like that.

You don't have to worry about having the perfect response either. As much as I wish we could, we can't automatically fix any anons' problems, we can only toss our two cents in and cross our fingers that it helps. The good news is that you came to us with your struggles again, so we can try to help some more. Eesh, yeah, those periods are never fun. Pretty sure Komaeda knows more about them than I do, but I can understand at the least. First of all, congrats on graduating! That's real impressive all by itself, so hopefully you can take some pride in that. Ugh, ok, wow, the second part of that. Damn I got hit with all the feels. I hate it when group projects go like that. I'm usually stuck with all the work, or the one who's up at one am trying to finish the damn thing. I think I'm getting kinda incoherent, so sorry about that. I'm glad you're doing better on that end though, hopefully things work out with that. Aw man, I'm really sorry to hear about the blaming thing. Is there any way to prove your innocence? I'm not saying go all class trial or anything, but is there any way for you to argue your case? Even if it happens a lot, that doesn't mean it's ok. You shouldn't have to get used to things like that.

Yikes, yeah I can totally relate to the last part too. I'm also the type to clam up about my feelings because I don't wanna make anyone mad, but that happens some times, and honestly you had every right to say how you feel. You're keeping this all in, and it's gonna take a toll on you. Yeah, that's a whole lot of stress for one person to carry. I'm really impressed you haven't crashed and burned under the weight, seriously, you're an amazing, strong, resilient/ person, and it just blows me away. Trust me, you're gonna get through this stressful time. You're getting close to the end of it, and I know that you're gonna make it through. Damn, I'm smiling and blushing now. I'm really really glad we were able to help you out that much. Good! It's not cheesy at all! I'm glad you're feeling hopeful! The little steps are just as valuable as the big ones, and the fact that you're at least doing a little bit better is fantastic. Of course you can have another hug! It's ok, we're here to listen to vents, so say whatever you want to, no one's gonna judge you, I promise. Yeah, step by step, that's how you do it.

Oh damn, that's an interesting question. Honestly, I unironically love the Lorax movie, so the Oncerler ain't scary to me. Cats however...that was a trip. I don't have a better way to describe it, it was just a trip. So the Cats designs are way scarier. Like if I met the Onceler in a dark alley, I'd be just fine, but if I saw a cat-human-thing in a dark alley, I'd run for the hills. However, if I met the onceler fandom in a dark alley, that's a whole other story. Ok, I think I'm rambling again, so I think I better stop talking. Keep making those small steps forward ok? You got this.

W-wow... my advice actually helped someone? Please tell me your joking, or better yet pinching me. I can’t believe my little words could affect you so much.... I think I’m tearing up... hehe. I gotta admit, Rantaro and Taichi did a better job than me! What else do you expect from two amazing Ultimates! Anon, I’m terribly sorry to hear that some things have turned up and made your life a bit more harder, but I want you to keep your chin up ok? You’re doing amazing Anon, I can truly tell! Having a partner that doesn’t help with group projects stinks too! It’s ok that you vented again, it’s always good to speak your mind when you feel bad! Helps to let other people hear to so they can help you! And hey, compliments from Taichi? So nice of you! Never heard myself being called an “interesting kiddo” it’s cute!

I thought you’d never ask! I’d love to give you another hug! As long as you’d let me, I get worried when people want to hug me since I’m utter garbage, but if it makes you feel Hope, then I’m happy to oblige! Ah, and the Onceler or the designs of cats? I’d say the cats, I remember everyone having the hots for the Onceler once, so he can’t be that bad, right?

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #taichi fujisaki #rantaro amami #nagito komaeda #mod hajime #mod rantaro #mod nagito

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theperplexityoftheunknown · 3 years

Text

What is a relationship to be continued

You may ask yourself why this is Important yet it is very important! We will discuss Why they are important to your well being and what type of person you are in a relationship? I think if you take the time to read this post in its entirety and intense complexity you will have a better understanding of where you are in life and what more you can become by understanding the perplexity of every relation to man or relationship because trust me THIS BABY is going to get TOUGH.

Lets start of with the first question what is a relationship

the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.

Please go ahead and read one more time because that may or may not be the closest thing of a relationship to that you have a mutual relation and understanding of but its way, way more complex just keep reading.

Each relationship we have encountered has been determined by how we were raised Im going to refer to some quick psycho-social information coming from a study introduced during world war 2 by British psychoanalyst john bowbly, whose lonely childhood gave him a lifelong interest in the power of parenthood.

In the 1970s a test was conducted by Bowlby’s student Mary Ainsworth. She performed the strange situation test where children that's age ranged from 12-18 months were put in a toy-filled room with their mother and given a chance to play. A stranger enters and interacts with the parent and child,then mom exited the room-- leaving behind a confused and alarmed little kid. A few minutes later mom returned and comforted her toddler. Needless to say being separated from the person who feeds, protects, and tends to you is frighting for any toddler, but the test showed definite categories of reaction to that fear.

Why is this important ?

Early Attachment.

As seen above you can see that a study was conducted concerning attachment styles. It's important because it is with this information that you find out what type of relationships You are going to be compatible with. Some types absolutely do not collide but if you think this is all about “how do i form a relationship” well keep reading because its not possible for everyone.

1 Secure, when it is evident to have a secure attachment style when the parenting style was: Warm, attentive,relatively consistent, and quick to respond based on that approach the child's Baseline Emotional Status (BES) would have been happy, confident, and curious which would have subconsciously continues into adulthood with the Child’s expectation of life being: My need will be met

2. Anxious -Ambivalent/resistant, it is evident to have an anxious attachment style when the parenting style was: Inconsistent: sometimes responsive and sometimes not. The Child's BES would have been Insecure, anxious, and intensely emotional which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “IF i act in the right ways, I might earn love and my needs may be met”

3. Avioident- ,it is evident to have a avoidant attachment style when the parenting style was: Distant and Cold, or harsh and critical. The child's BES would have been Emotionally shut down which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “I can't trust anyone to meet my needs. I must meet my own needs.

Im sure your getting the idea of why this is now important

Lets looks at three statements

1 I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or doesn't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

3 i am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others: i find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than i feel comfortable being

In 1987 psychologist cindy hazan and philip shaver reported the results of the statements above they called it the ‘love quiz’

56% of adults respondents had identified themselves as secure, 19% as anxious and 25% as avoidant

The perfect combination

Secure people tend to have the most secure relationships, and a relationship needs only ONE secure partner to get that stability. With a partner who is happy to give reassurance and isn't threatened by the idea of being needed, an anxious person can relax, and is often loyal and loving. With someone who doesn't take it personally when their partner wants time alone,avoidant people can worry less about being tied down- however, most of the compromises in the relationship will likely be made by the secure partner. The real problem comes when two insecure types get together. If relationships often get messy for you, learning to recognize attachment styles and understanding how they clash can give you a path through the conflict

But then again Here comes perhaps the most perlex question i can ask? What happens in adult hood when you experience the pain and turama of a heartbreak?

What particularly does that do to each individual and how do they cope?

Do some people perhaps just shut down! Absolutely not! One subconsciously gains the ability to cope with their losses how? Lets start with:

Sexual compulsion – Relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation

I know your wondering What the Fuck where did this just turn to but trust me, or dont but you may or may not want to hear this or perhaps your brain craves the knowledge to understand and you ask yourself why your life is working in the way it is; remembemer its all in you!

I believe the first coping skill for some may be Hypersexuallity which I will refer to later.

2. I believe a conduct Disorder DSM-IV-TR 314.9 Is primary consistent with feelings of Emotional shock from a previous ‘heartbreaking’ or traumatic event.

I will explain. I'm going to refer to the diagnostic features of conduct disorder which manifest itself as a repetitive and persistent pattern in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated. These behaviours fall into four main groupings” Criteria A1-A7 aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals .

Or see criteria A8-A9 nonaggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage Or see A9 - A13, DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

It is definite that promiscuous behavior is dangerous therefore someone engaging in Criteria a1-a7 w/o aggression and associated with parts or in hole with A8-9

Furthermore the prevalence of conduct disorder appears to have increased over the last decades and may be higher in urban than in rural settings.

Course.

Individuals with conduct disorder are at risk for later mood disorders, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, and substance related disorders.

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexual disorder, is associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people.

Sexual addiction, which is also known as hypersexual disorder, has been associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people although it has not been recognized as a disorder that merits inclusion in the DSM (Quadland, 1985) – see Karila et al. (2014) for review. Originally, Carnes (1983)published a book titled Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction, which has raised interest in the area and facilitated a discussion on the best way to define and diagnose the disorder. Despite different views about pathological characteristics of sexual addiction there is an agreement that this is a progressive relapsing condition which does not merely refer to a pathological diagnosis of sexual lifestyle that is socially deviant (Edger, 2010).

Sexual addiction involves compulsive behaviors such as constantly seeking new sexual partners, having frequent sexual encounters, engaging in compulsive masturbation and frequently using pornography. Despite efforts to reduce or stop excessive sexual behaviors individuals find it difficult to stop and they engage in risky sexual activities, pay for sexual services and resist behavioral changes to avert HIV risk (Carnes, 1991; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002; Coleman, Raymond & McBean, 2003; Kalichman & Rompa, 1995). Sexual compulsivity has been associated with the number of unprotected vaginal sex acts with female sexual workers, lower self-efficacy for condom use, greater use of illicit drugs, and more financial need (Semple et al., 2010).

Cognitive and emotional symptoms include obsessive thoughts of sex, feelings of guilt about excessive sexual behavior, the desire to escape from or suppress unpleasant emotions, loneliness, boredom, low self-esteem, shame, secrecy regarding sexual behaviors, rationalization about the continuation of sexual behaviors, indifference toward a regular sexual partner, a preference for anonymous sex, a tendency to disconnect intimacy from sex, and an absence of control in many aspects of life (Carnes, 2000, 2001; Carnes & Schneider, 2000; Coleman et al., 2003; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002). Finally, some studies find that sexual addiction is associated with or in response to dysphoric affects (Black, Kehrberg, Flumerfelt & Schlosser, 1997; Raymond, Coleman & Miner, 2003; Reid, 2007; Reid, Carpenter, Spackman & Willes, 2008; Reid & Carpenter, 2009) or stressful life events (Miner et al., 2007).

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979, 1982) argued that early attachment experiences affect personal and social life, professional relationships, dealing with stress, mental and physical health and cognitive development. According to recent developments in attachment theory, those who developed a safe attachment style which is not anxious or avoidant during infancy can form healthy relationships in adolescence and adulthood and handle life problems (Uytun, Oztop, Esel & Mdusunen, 2013). Individuals with secure attachment are expected to have low chances of becoming addicted to sex since they regulate and limit their sexual activity more than those with insecure attachment (Zapf, Greiner & Carroll, 2008). Furthermore, individuals who are addicted to sex are looking for sexual activity without the need for emotional relationships and they are more likely to be characterized by avoidant or anxious attachment (Gentzler & Kerns, 2004).

Gay men are diverse with respect to the sexual behaviors they both desire and enact (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010; Sanderson, 1994). Moreover, gay men differ from other groups in their sexual behavior. Research shows that, on average, gay men have more partners, engage in more risky sexual behavior, and are more likely to seek sexual sensation than other groups, such as heterosexual men, women and lesbians (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei & Gladue, 1994; Ekstrand, Stall, Paul, Osmond & Coates, 1999; Thompson, Yager & Martin, 1993). But among homosexual men there is variability in the propensity to engage in compulsive unprotected sex. Meyer and Dean (1995) have reported that about 6% of their 149 young New York City gay men (aged 18–24 years) engaged in very high risk behavior, defined as unprotected receptive anal intercourse with multiple partners. It appears that very high risk takers are qualitatively different from other risk takers: they reported more mental health problems, including more drug use and higher levels of internalized homophobia and AIDS-related traumatic stress response. Furthermore, there are moderators of sexual behavior among gay men such as being in monogamous relationships. Also sexual health and sexual health behaviors for example sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) were most influential over the enactment of sexual behavior or desires (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010).

Few studies investigated sexual compulsivity among heterosexual and homosexual men. Furthermore, to the best of our knowledge, the relationships between compulsive sexual behavior and attachment and sexual preference or orientation have not been investigated before. We have therefore investigated sexual compulsivity and attachment style among populations of heterosexual and homosexual men and women. We hypothesized that secure attachment would be associated with lower rates of sex compulsion. Secondly, that homosexual men and women would show higher levels of sexual compulsivity than heterosexual men and women. Thirdly, we hypothesized that attachment style might mediate between sexual orientation and sexual compulsion.

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rnoonchildxo · 4 years

Note

jimin soulmate au w/ prompt 27😘😘

Summary | When it’s time for you to meet your soulmate, a footstep counter appears on your wrist and a progress program is automatically installed on your laptop device.

―“You say that like I didn’t just run a whole track field for you.”

Genre | fluff + soulmate!au and honestly i don’t know what i was thinking with the ending but i mean???? also this was inspired by a kdrama called Love Alarm. you should definitely check it out! the second season will be coming out soon.

Word Count | 1.9k words

A bright laptop screen illuminates your dorm, stirring you awake. You swore that you shut down your laptop after submitting your essay a minute before the due date. As your hand searches for your glasses on your bedside table, you slowly get up from bed.

You squint your eyes. A loading screen pops up on your screen. Out of confusion and curiosity, you trudge your way closer to your laptop. Suddenly, when the loading bar reaches 100%, you feel a slight burn on your wrist. Wincing, you glance down at your wrist and watch a faint mark begin to appear. At the same time, you receive a notification on your laptop.

On your wrist, the number of 219 is marked. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. Looking at your laptop, you see a program installed. It shows a home screen entitled ‘progress’.

“It’s your time,” you let out a soft yelp, turning around to see your roommate, Rose. She rubs her eyes, and you assume she had woken up too.

“It’s my, what?” You question.

She looks at your laptop screen and grabs your wrist. She analyzes your wrist for a couple of minutes before slowly looking at you.

“Your soulmate. It’s time to meet your soulmate.”

The number on your wrist does not stay constant. It changes everyday. Some days, the number gets alarmingly smaller. Other days, the number gets larger. The progress page on your laptop screen shows a bar that has reached 30%.

According to Rose, the number on your wrist represents the number of footsteps you are away from your soulmate. It’s basically a counter. The smaller the number, the closer you are to your soulmate in terms of footsteps. The bigger the number, the farther you are from your soulmate. The number is only constant when you reach your dorm, where the number goes back to 219.

The program that was installed on your laptop that night is a program that shows a progress bar. The progress bar indicates how much progress you’ve reached until you meet your soulmate. Ever since it was installed that night, you have reached 65% on that progress bar.

“He must be in our building,” Rose says. You glance up from your novel.

“Probably.” You shrug your shoulders.

She nods her head at your wrist. “How many footsteps?”

You glance down at your wrist. “Thirty.”

“Exactly thirty?” She questions and you nod. “He must be here, in the library.”

You sigh. “Rose, we have a midterm in two days and you’re worrying about my soulmate?”

“I’m just excited for you, ____.” She smiles. “Aren’t you excited? I remember when my progress bar reached a hundred percent, and a couple of hours later, I bump into Minhyuk.”

“I’m just as excited as you are, Rose. But I can’t risk failing my midterm, you know?”

“Are you still considering coming to the school’s track meet?” She asks. “It’s after our midterm.”

“We’ll see if I’m barely holding myself up.” You chuckle. “If I can still walk on my two feet and if I can keep my eyes open for a couple more hours, I’ll drop by to check it out.”

She smiles and the both of you continue to study for your midterm. Little did you know, the counter on your wrist starts to progressively increase. 30, 31, 32, 33, 34...

“A new record!”

Jimin hunches over to catch his breath. His coach checks his timer one last time and smiles. He pats Jimin’s back.

“Are you ready for the track meet on Thursday?” His coach asks and Jimin nods his head.

As Jimin heads over to his bag to grab a bottle of water, he glances down at his wrist. The number 30 remains engraved on his wrist. As he takes a quick swig of his water, the library a couple of metres away catches his eye. He makes a quick estimate. Thirty footsteps is equivalent to the distance from the library to where he’s currently standing.

He looks over his shoulder. “Coach?”

“What’s up?” His coach looks up from his phone.

“Are we done with practice?”

“We’re done for today, go wash up and get some rest. Don’t overwork yourself, we don’t want you twisting your ankle before the track meet.”

Jimin smiles. “Thanks Coach.”

Immediately, Jimin grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. There’s only one destination in mind, and it’s the library. As he heads to the library, he looks down at his wrist and a small smile spreads across his lips when he sees the number get smaller and smaller. 30, 29, 28, 27...

Once he enters the library, he looks at his watch again and frowns. The librarian places a ‘we are closed!’ sign on the reception desk. She waves at Jimin.

“We’re going to be closing the library in half an hour,” she tells him. “But since it’s midterm season, if you just show me your student ID, you can study in the library as long as you want.”

He smiles at her, but he immediately glances down at his wrist again. The number on his wrist gets smaller and smaller, and the beat of his heart starts to pick up its pace. 10, 9, 8, 7... He hears a faint laugh from a couple of metres away.

Seconds later, there are two women that pass by him. He watches them as they pass by. As soon as they pass by, he glances down at his wrist and lets out a soft gasp.

Zero.

You decide to watch the track meet to clear your thoughts. Your midterm was everything you thought it would be, difficult, stressful, and anxiety-inducing. But that’s just how university was. At the same exact time, you can’t seem to forget your progress bar. It had alarmingly jumped to 95%.

As you reach the track field, you spot Rose standing near the front. She’s pulling out a couple of water bottles for her boyfriend and soulmate, Minhyuk. He bops her nose and she lets out a soft giggle. You smile and wonder if that’s how it’ll be when you finally meet your soulmate.

You approach her. “I’m here, happy now?”

She smirks. “So, you decided to come.”

You glance down at your wrist and your heart stops. 3. Your eyes start to wander around you, but they seem to stop when you spot a guy standing approximately three footsteps away from you. He has his back turned towards you.

“Park Jimin, are you ready?” You hear a guy ask.

The guy nods his head, finally turning towards you. You quickly look away, distracting yourself with the cheerleaders lining up in front of Rose.

Jimin’s too nervous. He knows his soulmate is here. The last time he checked, his soulmate’s exactly fifteen steps away. But he didn’t want to stay distracted, he knew that if he found out that his soulmate was right beside him, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

“The race starts in a couple of minutes, I suggest you get ready with the others.” His coach suggests and Jimin complies. He fixes his shoelace one last time before heading towards the starting line, completely oblivious of a woman watching him.

You watch the guy line up at the starting line with his other opponents. He’s very handsome. He has platinum blonde hair, adorable cheeks and plump lips. He looks like a doll.

“That’s Park Jimin,” Rose nudges you. “He always wins track meets. He’s the top student in our year and faculty. He’s basically anyone a girl would want.”

You purse your lips into a tight line. “No wonder... he looks like a doll.”

“That and guess what?” She questions. “He’s single.”

“He’s single?” You gasp in complete shock.

“He hasn’t met his soulmate yet, apparently.” She shrugs his shoulders.

There’s a faint gunshot in the air and before you even know it, the track runners are racing around the track field. Your eyes are glued towards Jimin. He��s currently in first place, leaving quite a distance behind him. You’re not sure why, but you find yourself looking at your wrist.

The number on your wrist is quite active. It goes up until 110 before going back down to 0. There’s only one explanation for this, and it’s that your soulmate is one of the track runners.

“____, your counter!” Rose’s eyes widen.

You can’t take it. This is too much to handle. You shake your head. Everything was starting to spin, your heartbeat was speeding up.

“I’m going to head home, my head is starting to hurt.”

“What? But your soulmate is here, ____! Why are you running away?” She asks and you shake your head.

“This is too much, Rose.” You sigh. “Besides, there are many other chances, right?”

You don’t wait for Rose to reply, instead, you start leaving the track field. Once you’re halfway back to your dorm, you hear a faint whistle from the track field. You look over your shoulder, watching all the track runners catching their breath. The race had finished. You look at your wrist and your counter reads 50 and it increases as you continue walking towards your dorm.

You hear faint yells, almost as if someone’s being called. You let out a sigh, continuing on your way. That is, until you feel your hand being grabbed. You’re turned around and you’re facing him, Park Jimin.

He looks just as alarmed as you are. He’s completely out of breath. He looks down at his wrist. It reads 0. He pulls you into a tight hug and you’re completely taken aback and confused. You look at your wrist and it reads 0.

“Wait, what?” You whisper.

“So it is you,” he smiles.

“It’s me?” It comes out as a question.

He pulls away from the hug and looks at you. “I knew it! I had a strong feeling that it’ll be you.”

“You’re my soulmate?” He nods his head.

“____, right?”

“You know my name?”

“Of course, we took first year chemistry together and we were lab partners! Don’t you remember?” He questions. “And then I had this huge crush on you for years but then after chemistry class, I never saw you again. But then I found out that you’re a mutual friend of Minhyuk and I tried to get a hold of you―”

“I swear I just met you?” You furrow your eyebrows.

He sighs. “How do I explain this without sounding like a weird guy?”

“You don’t.” You chuckle softly. “I swear, I don’t remember meeting you at all.”

He places his hands on your shoulders. “Do you remember that chubby guy, the one that had glasses, dark brown mushroom cut?”

You blink. The longer you stare at him, you slowly start to realize it. You smile and burst out into laughter. “That was you? My lab partner? Are you sure?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, you’re my soulmate, and that’s what matters.” He pulls you into another hug.

“You know you didn’t have to flex so hard,” you tease. “Winning a whole track race then trying to win your soulmate.”

“You say that like I didn’t just run a whole track field for you.” He frowns. “I’m exhausted.”

“Wanna come over to my dorm and... cuddle?” You hesitate.

“Sure.” He smiles.

“Jimin... I think you can stop hugging me now―”

“No, let’s just stay here for a couple more minutes.”

author’s note | i hope you liked it! i think i’ll accept a couple of more requests before finally closing it. thank you so much to everyone that has requested, i had so much fun! once i’m finally free of wips then i might consider opening the drabble game again.

#Anonymous #jimin #park jimin #jimin scenarios #park jimin scenarios #jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #jimin x oc #park jimin x oc #jimin fluff #jimin angst #bts #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bts scenarios #bts jimin scenarios

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koma-moved · 4 years

Note

all of them :)

ah ok time to suffer

Alisons: Sexuality?

pan bb

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

am enby, I’m chill with any pronouns

Amaryllis: Birthday?

birthed on april 14

Anemone: Favorite flower?

not really sure they all pretty

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

idk I don’t watch much tv nowadays

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

not sure,,,

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

I’ll face God and walk backwards into Hell

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

coffee

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

idk haven’t kissed someone yet

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

lots of times, yes

Baneberries: Favorite song?

Kami-iro Awase

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

terrible, I don’t wanna be around them except for mother and one of my sisters

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I consider my mutuals as best friends tbh

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxxxxxx

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person, fuck mornings

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

I wanna be a catto

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

wanted to be a nurse or a scientist

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

little shits

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

being an annoyance, being alone, everyone hating me

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

used to play a bit of guitar when I was a smol

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

die

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

taken

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

I guess Japan? or idk any place where my friends live

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when people acknowledge me I guess?

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

non

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

also non

California Poppy: Height?

5 feet

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

idk

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

aqua green shirt w maroon shorts

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

I can’t remember who I last hugged irl

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

haven’t kissed anyone

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

my custom font HandyEnby

Columbine: Are you tired?

YES GOD I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND NOT BE EXHAUSTED BUT FUCKING HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

honestly idk but uhhh I guess my mom coming back home

Coneflower: Dream job?

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

again yes

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

very far, I’d die for them

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

had a Rainbow Dash plush that I slept with every night

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aries

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

idk,,,

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

idk,,,

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

depends

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

friends

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

drawing

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

everything,,,

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

got into Danganronpa, finally got enrolled into a class in the ICT strand, mother agreed to buy me a huion tablet

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

terrible

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

kinda? idk

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

finish the school year and be free from hell

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

friends, art, danganronpa, them sonic real time fandubs, uhhhhhhhh idk what else

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

drawing, talking to people

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

emojis, just saying ily in general

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

idk,,,

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

I JUST WANT ONE. FUCKING DAY. WITH NO ONE TO FUCKING BOSS ME AROUND. NO ONE ALWAYS YELLING AT ME FOR ONE TINY MISTAKE. WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO PLEASE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO OVERTHINK MY NEXT ACTION. PLEASE. I JUST WANT PEACE.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

draw

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

hhhhh dont wanna answer this one rn,,,

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

no one??? I’d rather not be a burden tbh

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

casually checking my follower count

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

cant remember fam

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

burden, annoyance, piece of shit, etc.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

non

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

everything

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

draw

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

a classmate, she was cool

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

lots of things

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

also lots of things

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

literally no fucking meaning to my name at all

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

hate it here

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

boring

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

HATE EVERYTHING

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

nice, i lov her

Onions: Tell about your dad.

cheating bastard

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

gramma cool and nice, grampa piece of shit hope he perishes

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

idk hate existing

Peony: What was your first job?

non?

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

met online like w my friends

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

keep it to myself till it gets worse :’)

Pink: Where is home?

my childhood home

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

leaving home

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

hh idk,,,

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

same as my ideal day

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

that being a teen would be cool n fun but uhhhhh uso dayo!!

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

friends and loved ones

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

rain sound

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

hhhhhh

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

either to die or to just have peace, I’ll decide soon

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hard

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

my friends

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

little

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

I wake up just so my grampa won’t fucking yell at me

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

i dont have a job

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

hoodies

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

idk

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

not sure, anything works

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

MY ANXIETY TELLING ME THAT EVERYONE FUCKING HATES ME AND ALSO MY GRAMPA IN GENERAL

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i havent read books in forever

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

6 feet underground :’)))

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

god I wish I didn’t

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

5 notes · View notes

yandereshit · 5 years

Note

"See, I've stalked you for some time before snatching you up!" or "I usually like to get to know my victims a little before I kill them." for Izaya Orihara please! I figured they fit him perfectly and I'm in such a dark mood so I'm down for whatever you want to throw at me! I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶n̶s̶e̶ ̶p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶o̶l̶o̶g̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶~̶

FYI I have NO CLUE how long has this been lying in my drafts but I noticed it like now oasihfoiasdhoias

Izaya Orihara x Reader: relatively innocent.

Warnings: mentions of death, mind games, torture.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

A simple, textile bag had been torn off your head, and your sight finally returned, giving you a very short-living sense of relief.

Your wrists were tied tightly behind your back, and you were sat on some sort of chair. Your head was still dizzy as you moved, trying to get a hold of your surroundings and the situation you found yourself in. The room was dark, with only two bulbs to allow you to see anything, yet their light being not strong enough to let you make out the exact contours of the room.

Undoubtedly, you weren’t in the room alone. On the wooden chair opposite of yours, a silhouette sat, holding the bag and staring forward at your terrified self, not bothered much by the tears that showed themselves on your face, having flowed down your cheeks sometime ago and then dried out. Maybe if the lighting was better, he could actually see them clearly. But your quiet sobs were enough of a proof, and your face didn’t have to be visible for anyone to know what state you were in.

You wondered about his own face, but it was too dark for you to make out anything specific. But the man didn’t seem to want you to memorize him, and you had a feeling that it’d be safer for you if you didn’t.

Once your sobs calmed down a little, his voice echoed in the room, making you almost jump when it rung out of blue, after such a long silence you’ve been stuck in.

“I suppose you’re good enough to talk now” he announced. He was smiling, that much you could tell from his tone alone, his white teeth only slightly visible, giving you a brief image of how he grinned.

“What do you want from me?” you snapped, but your voice betrayed you, clearly trembling through the whole sentence.

A short silence fell upon the two of you, and as soon as the man spoke again, you wished he never did.

“I usually like to get to know my victims a little before I kill them.”

You could swear your heart stopped beating for a second, and you stared dumbly at the other, waiting for him to continue, to explain what exactly he meant, clearly still not believing in such words, because how could you - it sounded too simple, too straightforward to be true, didn’t it?

It didn’t.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you were starting to make out the contours of your surroundings, and your kidnapper’s wicked smile was one of them.

What kind of psychopath was he…? What did he want to do with you? Just why, out of so many young women or people in general living in the crowded city of Tokyo, you were the one who’d been chosen by this man, a complete stranger you’ve never seen or heard of, even after having been raised in the comfort of knowing Japan as the safest place to live on the earth?

“Who are you…?” you finally uttered, your voice weak, still disbelieving, still unable to proceed what was happening.

“Me?” The man seemed genuinely surprised with your question. “I assure you it’s meaningless right now. I’m no one you should be concerned about. For your information, I’m not your enemy. You’ve never done anything to me or anyone I know. So don’t try to make up any reasons, because there’s really none.”

Out of all the people in this forsaken city, you were the one who fell victim to this man. No reason, just… lack of luck, it seemed.

Yet, how could you just accept it? It was your own life that was on line here, and the perspective of losing it out of a mere accident was not what you’ve aimed for ever in your lifespan.

A quiet, frustrated sob escaped your throat.

“W-what do you want?” you asked again. “W-why would you… want to…” The words wouldn’t go through your throat, their weight - suffocating.

Not waiting for you to finish, the man shrugged, unbothered.

“Absolutely no reason. I just thought, why not? I can kill someone without getting caught, so why not do it? Oh, look, there’s that girl passing by. Wonder what she’s up to. Wonder how she’ll react if I take her, will she be scared? She sure will. Will she start yelling at me? Screaming for help? Beg for her life? Try to bargain me in some way? I was just so, so curious about her.”

His words wouldn’t make any sense in your head. Just what kind of person does that? Just what kind of person is he? Even criminals have their reasons. But this one? He seems to not have any greater purpose, other than his own twisted thoughts or desires.

“F-fine!” you exclaimed in a shaky voice. “Just kill me, then!” you yelled, more of emotions than any sort of actual wish.

“So quickly? Come on, we still have so much time. At least I do, I’m not hurrying anywhere. Seriously though, I haven’t even hurt you yet, and you’re already begging to be killed?”

“Just tell me what the fuck you want from me!”

A short silence fell upon you two, the air filled with your emotions, so strong and vivid, your fear mixed with anger, impatience and annoyance. You were like a wild animal caught in snares, still dangerous to whoever would want to set you free.

In the meantime though, the man seemed terrifyingly calm and composed. He crossed his legs elegantly, observing you with a small, polite smile on his face, completely unbothered with your rage, as if you were nothing but a random show on TV, unable to harm him in any way, and meant to be only watched until its end, and then probably forgotten.

“Let’s play a game” he suddenly spoke, smiling politely. You tried to, but couldn’t make out any more of his face features, and you came to a conclusion he just really didn’t want you to be able to see him well. Maybe you could recognize him if you did? Yet, he seemed unfamiliar. The aura he gave was nothing you’d recall, yet, along with lack of opportunity to see him whole, it added to the terror and uneasiness he caused in you, your primal instincts just screaming to run away from him - as if you could.

“What game?” you decided to ask, although your voice was quiet and weak at this point.

“Well, I’m going to ask you three questions. If you answer all of them, I’ll release you. If not - I’ll kill you. Any questions?”

“You’re insane.”

“It’s not a question, it’s a statement.”

“A pretty fucking accurate one” you snapped.

The man burst into laughter, pretty much confirming to you what you just said. But he didn’t seem bothered, instead continuing his previous monologue.

“Okay then, seems like you’re ready. Don’t worry, there’s no time limit, you can take as much as you need to reply.” He cleared his throat, switching his position a little to get more comfortable. You stared at him uneasily, focusing as much as you could on whatever he’d have to say. “First question! Who’s the prime minister of Japan?”

Was that it? It sounded simple. The name instantly appeared in your head, but then you thought - what if it’s wrong? Your life was on the line, you couldn’t afford yourself to be mistaken. Could you just trust your instinct? Maybe you should think more about it?

“Come on, this one’s easy, everyone knows it” the man said, laughing in a manner that could go as genuine if not the circumstances it was done in.

“Shinzo… Abe?” you answered, the end of the reply hitching in question though, as if you weren’t sure of your own words.

“You see? It was a simple one! I made it easier for you on purpose, so that you wouldn’t feel too scared. Hope it worked!” He smiled widely. “Second question. Who am I?”

Your breath got stuck in your throat for a few seconds, and there was a tense silence, the one you forced yourself to break a moment later.

“H-how am I supposed to know that?! You said it yourself, we’ve never met before! How can I answer your question?!”

You could have predicted that. The first question was too easy, to give you a false impression that he’d really go easy on you. But he wouldn’t, he never planned to, the questions he picked weren’t the ones you were supposed to know the answer to.

An unwitting sob escaped your throat, and tears streamed down your face once again.

“I-I don’t know…”

“Should I take it as, you give up?” the man asked, his face twisting in displeasure.

“…No…” you added quietly. You couldn’t give up your life, you were sure of that. You fixated your eyes on the floor, biting on your lip. “…My kidnapper. That’s whom you are to me” you finally announced, dreading for his reaction, yet fully aware that there’s nothing else you can say now. It was the only thing you knew. And it was…

“…Correct.” Said kidnapper chuckled, tilting his head. “You’re definitely correct here. I won’t break my own rules, will I? I didn’t specify what kind of information I demand from you. You’re correct.”

Your eyes blurred with tears and your breath got heavy. For a few moments, no sounds would reach you, but you couldn’t tell if the man was saying anything, you felt like your consciousness slipped away for these few brief moments, the rush of adrenaline, stress and anxiety making you pass out for seconds.

When you came back to your senses, everything was right as you remembered it. The man sat in front of you, observing you calmly, patiently waiting for you to be able to proceed. And once he was sure you were listening to him again, he also spoke.

“Last question. We’re almost there, you see? Only one question, and we’ll know what happens to you. Ready?” You sluggishly nodded your head, to which the man grinned. “So, what’s the length of Congo River?”

“What…?”

It took you a few moments of complete bewilderment, during which you only stared forward, absolutely dumbfounded.

The length of some river you recognized as African sounded like common knowledge. Probably more people knew of Congo River’s existence than they knew the name of Japan’s Prime Minister.

Yet, you didn’t know the answer. Your mind went wild, and you thought vividly of all the possible comparisons you could find. But you couldn’t even place the river anywhere on the map to even compare the lengths, and was it a long river? It had to be, since you’ve heard of it. What was the longest river in the world? How long was it? You surely had to be told it before, during geography classes. The longest river in the world… Around… eight thousands of kilometers? Did it make sense? It sounded like it did. Or maybe not… Five? Five, it had to be five.

Congo River had to be shorter, but how much? You had no clue. It wasn’t that known, the difference had to be meaningful. Half of the longest river? More? Less? Maybe less. Two thousands? He definitely didn’t expect you to know the exact number, but maybe you were remotely right?

And maybe no matter what you said, he wouldn’t let you go, anyway?

“T-two thousands kilometers” you finally voiced, staring at him intensely, waiting for him to either confirm your words or to bury your last hopes for freedom.

The man took out his phone, and the light for a short time highlighted his features, but then he turned down the brightness and you were left in almost the same darkness as before.

After a few seconds, he spoke.

“The Congo-Lualaba-Chambeshi River system has an overall length of 4,700 km.”

The breath escaped you and your head fell forwards, sobs wrecking your body and your head aching, your heart beating so fast you felt like you would die from a heart attack before the man would finally end your sufferings.

Without hurry, he stood up. You didn’t dare to return his gaze, but in the corner of your eye, you saw him pull out a small knife. Your heart only beated faster as he approached you, and then stood behind you, disappearing from the range of your sight. But maybe it was for the better, you thought. Maybe it was better you didn’t have to see him.

Would he make it fast? As painless as possible? If he sliced your throat, the agony would only last a few minutes, before your body would go completely numb from the bloodloss. Maybe it’d be worse if he cut through your windpipes, you wouldn’t be able to breathe, but wouldn’t it make it last even shorter? You hoped it would. You didn’t want to die in agony, but the shorter it lasted, the better.

What was afterlife like?

“Here.”

You heard a sound behind yourself, and soon enough, you felt the blood rush back into your hands, the rope that kept you tied to the chair falling to the ground, leaving you confused and dumbfounded.

You panted in a newfound sense of panic. Would he take you somewhere else? Make you suffer in another way? Take his time bringing you to your promised death?

“The door’s on your left” the man announced, his voice echoing in your ears for how close he was to you, standing right behind you, way too close for your comfort, if there was any of it left.

“W-what…?”

“Just go, I suppose you have other plans for today” he shrugged, pushing the blade back to his pocket and going in the door’s direction himself, as if completely uninterested in whatever you’d do.

“B-but why…”

His frame shook in a silent laughter as he stood by the door, barely visible, but apparently ready to leave the room, to - finally - leave you alone.

“The game’s rules said, I’ll release you if you answer all the three questions. You did it, hence why you’re free. I never specified I want the answers to be correct, though.”

The light of the outside world blinded you for a few seconds when the man opened the door, stepping into the outside world. The door never closed though, and you were positive by now, that it wouldn’t.

And it was never supposed to, because for all Izaya Orihara was, he definitely wasn’t a killer. A kidnapper - yes, but a relatively innocent one.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

#izaya #orihara #durarara #izaya orihara imagine #izaya x reader #prompt #fanfiction #kanra #nakura #have u ever realized that kanra is nakura but like with the order of letters changed?#i was shook when i noticed #like these two years ago

119 notes · View notes

365daysofsasuhina · 5 years

Text

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighty-Nine: I Wish I’d Never Seen ___ ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Of Monsters and Men ] [ AO3 Link ]

...this is a disaster. Hinata barely understands what’s going on, but one thing she does know is that this is bad. Like...really really bad.

Sasuke has, on occasion, tried explaining various parts of Nightwalker culture to her. But that on top of her university studies (especially since he rarely talks to her when it’s not extremely late at night and she’s exhausted) just...hasn’t really stuck with her very well.

Right this moment, however, she’s really wishing she’d paid more attention.

All she knows is that she is currently the ‘guest’ of one of the most powerful people in Japan. And by powerful, she doesn’t just mean influential, or rich, but literally powerful.

Because he’s a centuries-old vampire.

Uchiha Madara has been a name she’s heard several times while speaking with her vampiric friend, Uchiha Sasuke: a descendent (she’s not sure how directly) of Madara. Part of the same vampire coven here in Japan. Hinata met Sasuke when he saved her life from a different vampire who very much wanted to kill and eat her.

And that meeting led to...well, this. And many things in between.

Sasuke, you see, works for Madara as a kind of...officer. Madara, from what she understands, is something called a Senator. In short, he represents all of the vampires in Japan...in both a national Senate, and a global one. Which makes him a very important figure in the world of monsters, or as they prefer to be called, Nightwalkers.

Hinata, on the other hand, is a descendent of a different ‘breed’. Not human (or Daywalker, in the old terms), not Nightwalker...but a Twilightwalker. Known by varying names all over the globe. In English, most simply summarized as a witch. In Japan, they took on roles as miko. And miko - witches - have interesting powers over not only a specific element, but...Nightwalkers, as well.

...and possibly humans. She’s not sure on that part, she’s still learning.

Point being...she’s considered a very dangerous breed to Nightwalkers: the only thing they really fear. Sasuke discovered her powers by accident when she stopped him from wiping her memory to try and keep her from discovering their world. Hinata, however, had long since known about Nightwalkers, able to see them in ways humans can’t due to her powers.

...but that sight is getting her into rather deep trouble.

Sasuke had, at first, worried Madara might want her killed to eliminate a threat. True witches and descendents of the old miko with power still in their veins are rare. But Madara appears to have other plans: ones to possibly harness her abilities for his own gain.

...it’s apparently not the first time he’s done so to other Nightwalkers.

Hinata ended up in the Senator’s clutches after letting herself be out at night alone, for the briefest of times. And now, she’s awaiting her fate as Itachi attempts to negotiate and salvage the situation.

Sasuke, on the other hand, is playing guard dog outside her door.

...part of her wants to invite him in to have a friend with her, but...there’s a slight complication there. Madara, in all his wisdom, took Sasuke’s valiant speech in her defense to translate to one thing: he’d fallen in love with her.

...she...still isn’t sure what to think about that. She’s come to care for Sasuke quite deeply, sure - she saved his life once, and...well, he’s saved hers at least once. Probably more she isn’t even aware of. But...love? It just...hasn’t ever crossed her mind.

Does she...love him…?

That train of thought, however, is rather difficult to have with everything else rushing around in her brain. Hence just sort of...becoming a standing bundle of anxiety and panic, left in the middle of the room where Shisui led her and unable to do anything else. There’s too many thoughts to process, too many what-ifs to drive her mad.

...she really just needs a hug.

Swallowing thickly, she takes a trembling breath, holding it before letting it escape. She’s more than certain she won’t sleep, so...why even bother pretending?

Making up her mind, the Hyūga manages to get herself to turn around, body feeling almost strangely numb. Almost like she’s reached a weird nirvana state beyond absolute panic and just feels...nothing. But a hand manages to grasp the door handle, pull it open, and reveal the hallway outside.

...as she honestly expected, Sasuke is literally seated just outside her door on a chair, looking ready to flay anyone alive who even walks past. And even without his keen senses, he would still hear her exit, turning to behold her.

“...what are you doing?”

“Could...could you please come in?”

Dark eyes flicker over her face, as though looking for some kind of ulterior motive. But when he finds none, he abandons his perch and steps inside.

It’s a rather plain room. A bed rests in a corner, a desk with a chair along a wall. There’s a table with a few more, and it’s there Sasuke goes to sit.

Feeling a bit directionless, she follows and does the same.

“...are you all right?”

The question hangs in the air for a long, silent moment.

“...I don’t know. It’s almost like...I’m so afraid, I can’t even be afraid anymore. I know I should be, and yet...I feel like I’m not.” She manages to turn pale eyes to him. “...do you...think he’s going to kill me?”

“...no. I think we’ve convinced him you’re not a threat. Not a legitimate one, at any rate. But I’m almost worried what other path he’ll take instead. I don’t want you to live the rest of your life under his thumb.”

“...you think it would be kinder for him to kill me?”

“...for you? Possibly.”

“...but you don’t want me to die.”

“I don’t want any of this. I don’t…” He sighs, bracing his brow in a palm as his elbow perches atop the table. “...this is my fault.”

“No it isn’t -”

“If I’d just...walked away. Left you alone. Saved you, and just...forgotten about it, then you’d never have ended up here. But I kept coming back. I let my curiosity put you in harm’s way, and now -!”

“Sasuke…”

The word brings him to a stop, realizing she’s not employing the typical suffix.

“...when I was young...I was so scared of the things I would see. My mother, when she was still alive, tried to teach me about your world. About you, and people like you. But...I lost her so early, and I missed out on so much of her wisdom. And that turned my naivety into fear. My father, he...he tried to stomp it out of me. Thought that my ability could be lost if I t-tried hard enough. But even as I did my best to ignore it...it never faded. Not even a little. I just...got used to it.

“And then, that night, when that vampire was going to kill me...I felt all that fear again. I had wished I’d never been able to see your kind. And for a while after I met you, I still felt that way. But...the more we talked, and the better I got to know you, the more I realized you...you really are just...people. There’s good Nightwalkers, and bad. I have n-nothing more to fear from you than I do any human I ever meet. I was only afraid because...I didn’t know. I didn’t...understand.

“I think...that’s why I’m not afraid now. I’ve reached a point where - even if maybe I don’t know everything about all of your politics and your culture and your people - I at least know that Nightwalkers, and Daywalkers, and Twilightwalkers...we’re all the same in the w-ways that really count. We’re all just...people. And what we are doesn’t make us good or bad. We make ourselves good or bad. And...you, and your brother, and your cousin? You’re good people. Maybe Madara is...is the kind of person who would use me, and hurt me. Maybe that makes him bad. But...the rest doesn’t frighten me. Not anymore.”

All the while, as Hinata softly rambles, Sasuke watches her silently, taking in every word. Funny...he never would have imagined that the timid little human he met all those months ago would ever become someone like...this. In a way...he’s proud of her.

...but he’s still scared. Because he knows to what lengths Madara is capable of going.

“...I’m still sorry I dragged you into this. And I promise you...I’ll do everything I can to make sure you get out of this in one piece.”

Her gaze flickers over his face. “...you were already planning to try, weren’t you? To...change things in your coven. You, and your brother, and your cousin.”

“...we were.”

“...have I...made you want to change things more?”

He doesn’t have a need to lie. “...yeah. You have. If that’s what it takes.”

“...that’s dangerous for you...isn’t it?”

“It is. But it’s a risk I’ve been willing to take before now. And now, I’m just all the more resolute. For now, we need to lie low. He might expect retaliation. But I keep my promises, Hinata. You will get out of this.”

She simply nods, and another silence blooms. But within it lingers the unaddressed subject between them.

“...was he right?”

“Who?”

“Madara. About...about you, and...why you’re doing this?”

She can see him swallow dryly. “...in all honesty...I’m still thinking. I don’t...I don’t know. I’ve never…” A stressed hand combs back through his hair. “...I dunno what that means. To...be in love with someone.”

“You’re as old as you are, and you never have?” Hinata can’t help but lightly tease, managing a ghost of a smile.

“No. Never wanted to, never tried, it just...never happened. So I don’t...I don’t know. What I do know is that the moment I thought they’d hurt you…? I went full frenzy. Without batting an eye. I’ve never...done that before. Lose my cool so completely, so quickly. I saw red. I was so angry, so ready to…”

She doesn’t reply, unsure what to say.

“...I know that...you mean a lot to me. We’ve gotten close, but...I don’t know where ‘friends’ ends and…‘more’ begins.”

“...in all fairness, neither do I. But...I know you’re very dear to me too, Sasuke. And...I feel safer with you around.”

“...even now?”

“...especially now.”

He heaves a heavy sigh, glancing aside. “...you should rest. I know you probably won’t sleep, but...at least lie down. All right?”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve gone a lot longer than one night without sleep. What matters more is keeping an eye on you.”

Hinata gives another soft smile. “...thank you. I’ll lie down for a while. But...could you stay?”

“...in the room?”

“I’ll feel safer.”

“...all right. I’ll stay. Go rest.”

Nodding, she drags herself from the chair, curling up in the bed and hiding beneath the blankets. A few moments later, she feels a weight settle along the edge.

“...goodnight, Sasuke.”

“...night.”

.oOo.

(This is a sequel to days 35, 44, 52, 80, 82, 105, 115, 133, 159, 162, 188, and 193!) WELL, it's been a LONG stinkin' time since I've written in this verse, hoo boy! I have...majorly missed it. And also didn't realize just how many other days I've done in this verse, let alone in this mini series xD I'm so sorry for the long break, but...I just haven't felt a prompt was the right "next step" in this one for a while, but we've got one now! (For those unfamiliar, I suggest checking out at least some of those previous works, but in short, this universe is one completely original to me based on politics, monsters, and all sorts of shenanigans - and I've taken to crossing Naruto into it from time to time!) Poor Hinata...little thing's really being put through the wringer. Go all your life seeing monsters, almost get eaten by one, get SAVED by one, and then have him just...turn your life upside-down xD But overall? I think she's more glad than regretful for it all. Even if she's in one HECK of a pickle right now...she doesn't have to face it alone. Also, just in case it's not clear, the /change things/ in regards to the Uchiha coven means that Sasuke, Itachi, and Shisui have plans to TRY to eliminate Madara. There's a lotta politics there I'd LOVE to get into...if not in the prompts, then when I try to turn this mini series into a proper fic! But that won't be until the challenge is over and I have a bit of a break :'D ANYWAY, it's...waaaay past my bedtime, so I better stop rambling, I'm just happy to have done more in this verse! I hope y'all enjoyed, and thanks so much for reading!

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #of monsters and men [ au ]#365daysofsasuhina

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spideyy-girl · 5 years

Text

Choices ~ Stefan Butler

Request by Anon: Hi! Just wondering if I could request a fic where Stefan falls in love with reader during the time where he thinks he’s being controlled, then he believes that he didn’t choose to love the reader but ends fluffy? Don’t acc know if half of this made sense but just an idea lol

Summary: Stefan starts to believe that he doesn’t have control anymore. But then Y/N walks in and shows him how to take over his life again, and that not everything happens by choice.

Fandom: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

Warnings: angst, anxiety attacks, Stefan thinks he’s being controlled, fluff at the end

Word Count: 1858 (5.3 pages)

Date: January 25th, 2019

A/N: Sorry that this came out so late. I deleted it... twice... cause I’m a smart one while trying to get the word count. Anyways, hope this is what you wanted anon! Another drabble coming out soon so stay tuned!

Ask or dm me to be added to the Black Mirror or permanent taglist! Requests open! Happy Reading!

~Ciara xo

Stefan sat at his small desk, the same one he hasn’t left in hours, days even. He can’t even remember, as he’s lost track of time and looking over at the clock takes away 3 more seconds that he could’ve used creating his game, Bandersnatch.

It’s been a complicating, coding and running and rerunning the game. The stress was starting to build on him as his deadline to show it to the Tuckersoft manager, Mr. Thakur, crept it’s way closer each passing minute. The stress was starting to gain on him, and although he insists that he’s fine, he knew that he was slowly starting to lose his mind.

Maybe it was the stress of having to finish Bandersnatch in such little time, maybe it was because he’s been recently skipping his pills that Dr. Haynes has given him, it could’ve even been the anniversary of his mother dying, as his doctor has profusely brought up each session, but he felt sick. No, not quite sick, just doesn’t feel himself.

Like he’s out of control with himself.

Recently, he’s been questioning himself, and the decisions he’s making. Like there’s a force, not sure what, choosing what he does. It had a range, from choosing what music he listens to, to choose whether he takes his pills or flushes them. He can’t feel himself make these decisions in his head like he usually would. He feels programmed. Like a game. Like his game.

He sits at his desk, typing away on his computer, creating a new branch. when he finishes coding, he presses the run button, praying to god that it finally works. The game cover comes up on the screen line by line, but glitches and the screen goes to a white screen, the bottom reading “P: FN WITHOUT DEF”. Without thinking, Stefan grabs his cup of tea beside him but stops immediately when he realizes what he’s doing. He puts the mug back down on his desk, restraining himself from picking it up again and throwing it on his computer, knowing that it would destroy all his work and it wasn’t worth it.

“No!” He yells, putting his hands down. He suddenly realizes that this is not him, that this is the person. “Who’s doing this to me?” he says as he looks up, not quite sure what he’s looking for, and speaks up. “I know there’s someone there. Who’s there? Who are you?” His computer starts to whir in front of his, but he pays no mind to it.

“C’mon, if there’s someone there just give me a sign. Will you give me a sign?” He asks his voice raising, still looking around. “I know there’s someone there just give me a fucking sign!” He starts to play with his hands out of nervous habit. Suddenly, his computer screen beeps, and goes completely black, catching the young man’s attention. Then writing pops up onto the screen, almost as if someone was typing.

I AM WATCHING YOU ON NETFLIX.

I MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOU.

“Fucking hell,” Stefan whispers, as he reads the text. “W-who... what the fuck is Netflix? Seriously, what does that mean?” He asks the computer. The screen goes black again, and just like before, writing comes up.

IT IS A STREAMING

ENTERTAINMENT PLATFORM FROM

THE EARLY 21ST CENTURY.

“I don’t know what that means,” he speaks directly to the computer, his mind rushing to think of anything he knows about this. “You’re not making any sense. Can you make sense?” The screen goes black.

IT’S LIKE TV, BUT ONLINE.

I CONTROL IT.

Stefan reads this and back his chair away from the computer in front of his, shaking his head. This time, he’s convinced he’s gone completely off his rocker. “I-I don’t understand. I don’t understand!” It beeps again, before going back to the white screen from before.

“Who are you talking to?” Stefan’s dad, Peter Butler, says from the doorway, startling Stefan. He looks at him for a brief second, before turning his undivided attention back towards the device, gripping the armrests on his chair.

“It’ll sound crazy,” Stefan says, not bothering looking back. His father shrugged and told him to tell him anyways. “I’m being controlled by someone from the future,” Stefan says, nodding at the computer in front of him, the same one which he was talking to his controller just moments ago, but seemed completely normal now.

“What?” Peter said, walking towards his son and crouching down beside him.

“I’m being controlled by someone from the future,” Stefan repeats slower, his wide eyes still fixed in front of him. Peter, looked at the computer, before looking back at Stefan.

“Shall I ring Dr. Haynes?” he asks.

“No. No, I need Y/N. Dad, please call Y/N I need her.” Stefan says in a rush, finally tearing his gaze away and to his dad. He nods and gets up to get the phone in the kitchen. He dials the girl's number, remembering it after the times where Stefan has had a breakdown before.

“Hello?” the girl answers from the other end of the line.

“Y/N? It’s Peter, Stefan’s dad. He needs you to come over right now. He’s doing it again,” He says frantically. He hears her sigh.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be over in five. Tell him I’ll be there soon,” she says quickly before hanging up. So he goes up and does as she says, and stays with him, trying his best to calm the boy down, but not being too successful. Sure enough, a few minutes later, a knock was heard from the door.

“Hello?” Y/N said but got no reply. The small house seemed to be dead quiet. She took off her shoes and her coat and continued to walk upstairs, and that’s when she heard to light sobs coming from a familiar room. Stefan. She went up and knocked on the door, opening it and peaking through “Stef?”

Stefan sat on the bed, his head in his hands, legs crossed. His father sat beside him, rubbing his back. He looked up and saw you, and sat up immediately. “See look, I told you she was coming,” Peter said, patting his son on the back. “And look, she’s doing fine. Not a scratch on her.” He smiled on his way out, mouthing a ‘thank you’. Y/N returned the smile before closing the door and walking over to the bed. She sat in front of him, grabbing his hands from his face and placing them in hers.

“Hey,” she said, trying to get him to look at her. When he did, she was met with his bloodshot eyes, and tear tracks clear on his slim cheeks. She almost gasped, he did look horrible. “Stef, what’s wrong, love.” He shook his head.

‘Y/N, you have to believe me. Please,” Stefan said, looking her right in the eye. She sighed, giving his hands a squeeze.

“Stefan-”

“No! No, don’t-don’t ‘Stefan’ me! I’m being serious, Y/N!” He screams, taking his hands away from hers to run them through his hair and down over his face. “Y/N, I’m being controlled. They told me! Through the computer, I swear! I’m being controlled by someone from the future!” He continues to scream, pointing accusingly at it. When grabbed the hand that was pointing and covered it, the other hand going up to his cheek to wipe the tears that have been streaming down his face, before resting it on his jaw. He leaned into the touch, the familiar warmness calming him down.

“Stefan, listen. I know you’re stressed, and the more you work on this game, the more it becomes a reality to you. But think it through, okay? How could someone possibly be making your choices?” Y/N tries to reason with him, tears continue to come down faster than before.

“They said it was on-on Netflix? I don’t know, some future entertainment thing,” he tries to tell her. She sighs, thinking about the name, but not recognizing it.

“Okay...” She says. “But then how could you explain the other things?” Stefan looked confused, his eyebrows furrowing.

“What do you mean, what other things?” He asks. She sucked ion her teeth, thinking of an example.

“There are just some things, Stefan, that no one can control. Not even someone from the future. It’s just what is meant to be.” She tries to explain. “Just think. Think of all the things that have happened to you recently, and how they happened. Not by someone controlling you. Of course, our fate has been decided, but there’s not some random person picking what we do on the way. We have a plan made for us.”

Stefan stares at the girl in front of him, wondering how he was so lucky to have such an amazing person in his life. Someone who has stuck by him through thick and thin, and is still here through all the crying, all the yelling, all the mental breakdowns. And he suddenly got it. He understood.

How could someone have chosen that?

Who could’ve chosen that he would run into her at the grocery store all those years ago? Who could’ve chosen that they remained friends? Who could’ve chosen the feeling he felt for her.

Who could’ve chosen him loving her?

“I love you,” he whispered, his eyes closing, finally letting out a deep breath. Y/N stopped, her heart beating a million miles per second, yet she couldn’t move a muscle.

“What?” she asked quietly, now with both hands grabbing at his face.

“I love you. I love you, Y/N. How could anyone choose that for me? How could anyone tell me to do that?” He says his eyes going deep into her soul. She nods, a smile spreading across her face. He smiles back, before leaning into her chest, arms wrapping around her waist as he buries his head into the crook of her neck. She laughed along, playing with his hair.

“Exactly, Stefan,” she whispers, kissing the top of his head, and grabbing his face to make him look at her. ‘And just for the record, I love you too, you goof.”

He smiled at her and gently leans in for a kiss. The first one doesn’t last too long, their foreheads pressed against each other after. He brings her onto his lap and kisses her again, a smile still on his lips. She laughed into the kiss, bringing both of them down on the bed.

They lay there for a long time, Stefan holding Y/N tightly against him, her head on his chest, writing little patterns on it. He played with her hair, every once in a while pressing a kiss against the top of her head, which she would reply with a smile and one to his chest. Eventually, they fell asleep.

He didn't have to worry about any bastard from the future, cause they couldn’t change this, and that’s all he really cared about.

And for the first time in too long, Stefan felt completely happy, and truly at peace with everything.

#stefan butler x reader #black mirror: bandersnatch #bandersnatch #stefan butler #imagine #requests open #fionn whitehead x reader

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spegetty · 6 years

Text

85 question tag or whatever

Rules: Answer and tag 20 people

@highlady-of-slytherin thansk this took me forever lol

— What was your last…

1. Drink: coffee

2. Phone call: my aunt apperently

3. Text message: my aunt again LOL

4. Song you listened to?: raf idk who it’s by

5. Time you cried: i’m pretty sure it was like two nights ago because i push back my emotions way too oft en

6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: my friend kenny

10. Been depressed: well not depressed but sad in a way

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: dkm but i’ve been drunk.....never threw up tho #GoLz

— Fave colours

12 green

13 green

14 blue? idek i like green

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: yea

16. Fallen out of love: i guess?? with like things not really ppl tho because i hate everyone

17. Laughed until you cried: no?? welp mu friend right beside me says i havé but i don’t remember so ... ????????

18. Found out someone was talking about you: lmao yea but i don’t care enough to confront them

19. Met someone who changed you: idk prpjably

20. Found out who your friends are: only two but they don’t live near me i hate my school. fuck this.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: i don’t even have facebook nor kissed anyone

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: don’t have fb

23. Do you have any pets: does my anxiety count?

24. Do you want to change your name: kinda

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i ate pasta.

26. What time did you wake up today: 7am. fuck school.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was reading?

28. What is something you can’t wait for: graduation. 2020 here i come

30. What are you listening to right now: byegone by volcano choir

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lol yea there’s a tradition on my dads side where the oldest sons name is thomas/tom so...........

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: people my age, when teachers can’t fuckin mark right, teachers not updating my marks, teachers who can’t teach, school in general

33. Most visited website: Tumblr and probably some computer science website

34. Hair colour: brown w white/grey hairs cuz i’m stressed. help me.

35. Long or short hair: Long and im cutting it. i’m so fucking done w it

36. Do you have a crush on someone: yea one guy at school and like 72737373 fictional characters thansk

37. What do you like about yourself: my nose and that’s it i have no redeeming qualities and i’m a stupid shit.

38. Want any piercings: i needa repierce some so yea .. i’m first world broke so

39. Blood type: no clue

40. Nicknames: spegetty, lo lo, loraaan, lasagna, getty, lauryngitis, soo soo,

41. Relationship status: single and ready to drop out of school

42. Sign: Aquarius

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fave tv show: troll hunters, vld i guess idk, shadowhunters, other cartoons i cbf to list

45. Tattoos: i wish

46. Right or left handed: right because im mainstream

47: Ever had surgery: no

48. Piercings: yes

49. Sport: i used to to competitive dance and track but i quit both

50. Vacation: hawaii, japan, france, scotland yea

51. Trainers: like my spikes??? vans?? runners? what?

— More general

52. Eating: rn nothing

53. Drinking: nothing but i need water im dehydrated

54. I’m about to watch: shadow hunters s3

55. Waiting for: spring break lol

56. Want: to be smart :(

57. Get married: well not right now

58. Career: this question can rot >:(

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: neither

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: Taller

62. Older or younger: what?

63. Nice arms or stomach: i don’t care

64. Hookup or relationships: guys im 16 and hardly even touched a male

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: jfc idk someone who can have fun but not be a pussy all the time

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: no

67. Drank hard liquor: yes

68.Turned someone down: yes

69. Sex on first date: lol maube (when i’m older obvi) edit: this is why you proof read because i didn’t understand the question. no i have never.

70: Broken someone’s heart: i don’t know???

71. Had your heart broken: yea

72. Been arrested: no(t yet)

73. Cried when someone died: Yes

74. Fallen for a friend: idkcprobably i don’t remmeber

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: no

76. Miracles: no

77. Love at first sight: no

78. Santa Claus: no

79. Angels: idk

— Misc

80. Eye colour: Brown

81. Best friends name: nanaki!! and jaclyn

82. Favourite movie: idk

83. Favourite actor: zenday??? idk??

84. Favourite cartoon: shut up i have too many

85. Favourite teacher’s name: i hated most my teachers but my fav last sem was mr mackinnon so

this took me forever and my friend (nanaki) laughed at me the whole time for all my spelling errors and how cold i answer everything. sorry.

tagging: @wingsofanillyrian @bookstvseriesandanimes @rosycheekwriter @respondwithsarcasm and anyone else i guess i gave up a lot lol

#tag game #holy shit tjis was so ficking long

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becarefuldontdienewt · 7 years

Text

Denouement

Hi! It’s been a while since I’ve updated my Soulmate Series! This is Newt-centric so I apologize for the lack of Minho, but Minewt is the endgame (of course!) So without further ado!

Denouement (n) - The resolution of a mystery.

“Wait!” Says a female voice, her young face blurry but distinguishable, as she chases after a boy about her age. “Come back!”

The little boy races through the woods, his laughter trailing behind him like his sister. She sprints after him, calling out for him to wait. Her voice, however, is tinged with a smile too.

“You can’t catch me!” He teases. “You’ll never catch me!”

She huffs, “That’s what you think.” And, with a great burst of speed, she tracks him down. In a minute, they’re both on the ground, tumbling down

down

“Sora!” He calls out as he falls with her. “Not fair!”

She desolves into giggles, him following soon after. “You,” he wheezed between laughs “cheater. I hate you.”

“I love you too.”

Newt woke up sweating, as if he’d been running with the pair. He sat up slowly and rubbed his temples. It had felt so real. It had felt, strangely enough, like he knew these people. This was the third dream like this he’d had in the past month, each dream growing longer and more vivid.

He made his way to the bathroom, taking his time so he can put off leaving for class even longer.

Sora. He repeated the name in his head. Sora. Sora. Could it be? He’d heard stories of people recalling memories from their soulmates, but he’d never put much stalk into them. Fables, tall tales, whatever you call them. But this dream had felt more like a memory than anything, and that’s what concerned him.

He finished getting ready for class in a rush. As much as he tried, he couldn’t shake the weird feeling that it was more than just a dream. He tried distracting himself, brushing his teeth in a hurry and pulling on mostly matching clothes. “You’re being ridiculous,” he told himself. If this were Thomas, Newt wouldn’t hesitate to tell him how much of an idiot he’s being. But Thomas is always an idiot.

Speaking of the devil, he heard a knock on his flat door and rushed to get it, still trying to pull on one of his shoes.

“What’s up with you?” Thomas asked as the door swung open. He followed Newt into his flat as if it were his own, dropping his bag on a couch before settling down himself.

“Hm?” Newt asked, still struggling to get on his shoe. He grunted as he forced it on his foot rather painfully. He didn’t have time to deal with uncooperative shoes when he had to deal with his uncooperative best friend.

“You seem a little out of it this morning.”

“It’s eight in the morning, I’m always out of it. You know I’m not a morning person.”

“Whatever you say man. Are you ready?“ Thomas asked with a shrug as Newt finally defeated his shoe and moved to shrug on his coat.

"Yeah,” Newt muttered non-commitally. “I suppose so.”

“Have you finished the quiz for Myers yet?” Thomas asked as they make their way back out of Newt’s flat. Newt took his time locking the door, trying to stall as he struggled to remember which quiz that is. They began making their way toward campus, though the long walk was a little daunting.

“Uh-” Is all he was able to get out, still not entirely certain about which assignment this was.

Thomas groaned, “Newt, man, what the hell? You’re always on top of your shit, what’s been up with you this week?”

“I- what? Nothing. I’m just…stressed.”

Thomas snorted, “You and every other college student. I’m not buying it. Try again.”

“Before you met Teresa, did you ever, um, dream about her.”

The brunette paused before answering. “What do you mean? Like some type of perverted thing because I definitely didn’t - I mean I definitely don’t”

“No,” Newt cut him off sharply. He doesn’t ever plan on learning about that part of his best friend’s life. “I just mean, like, did she ever appear in any of your dreams? Her face or her name or anything like that?”

Thomas scratched his head as he thought, which probably took a lot of effort, Newt told himself in amusement. Finally his friend responded, “No, I don’t think so. Why?”

The blonde shrugged, “Just curious.”

“Don’t pull that on me,” Thomas said, smacking Newt in the gut.

“That hurt.”

“No it didn’t. Tell me why.”

“You’re demanding,” Newt huffed.

“And you’re annoying, call it even. Just tell me why. You know I won’t shut up until you do. I can keep asking and asking and-”

“Okay, stop!” Newt cut him off. “I think I had a dream about my soulmate.” He ruffled his hair, pointing out to himself that that’s the same action he mocked in Thomas just minutes ago. “It sounds ridiculous but hear me out. I’ve been having these dreams about this girl, Sora, or something. Just a few of them. But it feels like a memory. Like last night, she couldn’t have been more than ten. But it doesn’t make sense. Why would I dream about somebody random? She has to mean something, right?”

“It does seem,” Thomas paused, as if choosing his words carefully, “uncanny. And it’s always her?”

“Yeah, her and her brother. I don’t know, it’s weird. I never see their faces. Do you think I’m going crazy?”

Thomas stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Newt with a serious expression. He put a sympathetic hand on Newt’s shoulder and said, “I’ve always thought you were a little crazy, babe.”

Newt shrugged his hand off with a snort before continuing to walk away with large strides. “And there’s the Thomas I know,” he called back at his friend, who w struggling to catch up.

“Seriously, man, I’ll keep an eye out for her.”

“Thanks.”

“But not, like, obsessively because I don’t want to steal your girl or anything.”

“Thanks.”

“Plus I don’t want Teresa thinking I’m obsessed with somebody else, other than you of course.”

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Do you have the notes from Tuesday?” A voice interrupted Newt as he doodled in his notebook before class starts. He looked up, it’s just Ben. Good guy, but he w never in class and always turned to Newt to catch him up. Great.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll email you them in a bit.”

“Thanks so much,” Ben said with an exaggerated exhale, clearly fake.

Newt hummed distractedly and turned back to his doodle.

“Wow,” exclaimed Ben after a minute, peering over Newt’s shoulder. “Who is she?”

The blonde jumped, trying to keep the annoyance off his face. He wasn’t just about to admit ‘Oh yeah, I’m drawing a girl I’ve seen in my dreams because I think she might be my soulmate.’ He settled for, “Shuck off, Ben.”

His classmate whistled suggestively but otherwise dropped the subject. Put off, Newt put away his notebook in favor of staring at his class notes for the remaining 5 minutes.

“Can you help me with the quiz?” Newt asked Thomas as they met up for lunch. He wasn’t one to admit defeat easily, but with this already being one of his busiest weeks of the semester, he figured his ego to take a blow for the sake of his grades. Besides, he’d bailed his friend out countless times, Tommy could do with a win for once.

Thomas pretended to think on it, “You know, eating just takes so much concentration, I don’t know if I’ll have the time.”

“Figures that something as simple as eating would pose a challenge for you.”

“Hey now, do you want my help?”

Newt rolled his eyes, “yes, whatever would I do without you?”

“I’ll go hunt down a table for us.”

“You’re not getting anything?”

Thomas shook his head, “Nah, I’m meeting Teresa after my next class, so I’ll probably eat then.”

“And to think I had your heart.” Newt replied teasingly before heading to grab a sandwich. He’d die before he’d admit it, but he sometimes found himself jealous of what Thomas and Teresa had. Thomas had said, when the two first met, that he just knew. That he felt this spark, silly as it sounded, that something fundamentally about him had changed. Newt hadn’t felt that with anyone, but he had to believe that what Thomas said was true and that he would find that with someone eventually.

Once he paid, he made his way over to the corner table where his friend was sitting, papers already out.

“Is this her?” Thomas asked as Newt shrugged his backpack off. “The girl you’ve been dreaming about?”

The blonde huffed, “Well that just makes me sound like a sap. I’m not you. Besides, you shouldn’t be going through my stuff.”

“I was getting your quiz out!”

“Of a notebook labeled personal?”

“Is it her?” Thomas repeated.

“Yeah,” Newt responded, hanging his head in defeat. “It’s just a drawing, man. I was bored, I’m not taking this too seriously.”

“You should be. Because I think I know her.”

This is ridiculous, Newt thought as he found himself standing outside of the bookstore. It was only a few blocks from campus, an easy walk, but he’d been putting this off for weeks. He only gave in because of the nagging curiosity (and his much more annoying nagging friend).

A woman brushed past him into the store, murmuring an apology, but helping to push Newt in the direction of the doors. Here goes nothing.

The bells attached to the door chimed as he opened it, making him wince. As if he wasn’t here to make his presence known to his potential soulmate. Shush, bells, that’s his job. He wasn’t unfamiliar with the store, usually coming in close to closing to snag a book he wanted to read in the comfort of a mostly-dead shop.

Today he’d come right after his last class, but followed the familiar path to the back of the shop where the ‘nerdy’ books were, according to his friends. He glanced into the aisles as he passed them, hoping to see a familiar streak of black hair. Of course she’d look older than in his dreams, but if it really was her, he’d know. He had to. He got all the way to the back with no sign of her, but his anxiety at walking through a bookstore and leaving emptyhanded won over and he picked out a book to buy.

“Hi, is this all for you?” The girl at the register asked. Newt looked up from fumbling with his wallet. It was her. And if there was any doubt about it, the nametag on her shirt confirmed it.

“Uh yeah,” Newt sputtered. Nothing was happening. This was just a conversation between two strangers. Though she was gorgeous, he felt nothing. No, scratch that, he felt disappointed. Still, he blurted out, “Do I know you? You look familiar.” Because maybe the spark Thomas talked about wasn’t real, but this girl here definitely was and Newt wasn’t about to chance giving up easily.

She frowned at him, not unfriendly, but questioning. “I don’t think so. Maybe you know my brother?”

“Who’s your brother?”

“Minho. He works at the Subway on 17th.” The name didn’t ring a bell. Nevertheless, a discouraged Newt thanked her and paid for his book.

There’s a knock on his door that evening and, because Thomas is his only friend that shows up uninvited, Newt shouted for him to come in.

“Wow, what animal chewed you up and spit you back out?” His friend asked, looking Newt over as he flung himself on the couch. “You look miserable.”

“I’ve seen a mirror, thank you very much.” At Thomas’ raised eyebrow, he continued, “It’s not her. At least, I don’t think it is. I went to the bookstore and I talked to her, not about any of this of course. I’m not going to bloody say ‘I think I’m dreaming about you’ but- ”

“But she’s not it.”

Newt groaned. “Really fucking weird that I dreamed about her. Unless-”

“Unless what?”

“Want to make a late-night Subway run?”

“Uh, sure?” Thomas replied, confusion etched onto his face. “Can you finish your thought, scatterbrain?”

Newt shook his head as he grabbed his coat and his lump of a best friend and hauled them to the door.

“Okay, I’m genuinely afraid now,” Thomas said as he trailed behind Newt. “You know the closest one is about half a block in the other direction. Have you completely lost it?”

“Maybe. Come on, I don’t have all bloody night.”

“Well maybe if you told me what got into that shuck-brain of yours I’d be a little more cooperative.”

“It’s just a hunch. He might not even be there.”

“WHO?”

“Come on!”

This door chimed too, but Newt didn’t feel the same nerves as he had earlier that day. He just needed to know if this was something. He turned to Thomas when they got in and, in a whisper, said “Go order something.”

“You’re the one who wanted to come here!”

“I’m not hungry, just go get something, I’ll pay.”

His friend groaned but approached the counter nonetheless, muttering something that sounded like fucking ridiculous shank, doesn’t tell me anything. Newt ignored him. Rather, he scanned the restaurant. It was pretty sparse, given that it was approaching 9 PM. The guy taking his grumpy friend’s order was a young looking, freckled white kid. Nothing like Sora or her brother. All the while, he kept thinking Tommy’s gonna kill me if I was wrong about this.

“Newt! I need your wallet.” The brunette called. Well at least he’s getting a sandwich out of this mistake.

And then – “Chuck, when you’re done can you help me reorganize this shelf? All of the older products need to be brought to the front.” Accompanying the instructions came a striking Asian man, not unlike the Minho he’d seen in his dream, taller but with the same blinding smile. Minho sauntered out of their kitchen, an apron around his neck, and clapped a hand on the boy – Chuck’s shoulder. Chuck handed Thomas his change and turned to head back to the kitchen.

“You guys have a great-” Minho started, looking first at Thomas before his eyes came to rest on Newt. “A great, uh, evening.”

“Are you ready?” Thomas turned to ask Newt, but his friend paid him no attention.

“Hi,” he breathed out, eyes locked with Minho’s.

“Um, hi. I’m uh, hi. I mean, I’m Minho,” He stammered, hand outstretched.

“Is this what I think it is?” Thomas butted in, only to be ignored again.

“Minho, hi.” Newt responded, liking the sound of the other’s name on his tongue. “I’m Newt.” And he took Minho’s hand. It was an innocent action, a handshake between an employee and a customer, but it changed everything. And Newt felt it, like Thomas said he would. He felt anxiety rush through him, like a wave, bringing along with it an unexplainable warmth. Like drinking hot chocolate after rushing home on a cold day. But different, because it wasn’t relief, it was like he needed this to live, to breathe. It was everything, and it made him never want to let go.

“This is going to sound crazy-” Minho began, refusing to drop Newt’s hand. “But I think you might be-”

“Yeah.”

“Sooo, this was great,” chimed Thomas. “Thanks for the sandwich. I’m just going to, uh, go. Newt, I’ll, uh, catch you tomorrow for lunch?” The bell marked his absence moments later.

“Chuck?” Minho called, never breaking eye contact with Newt. “Can you start without me? I’ll be there in a minute.” To Newt, “Care to sit for a second?”

The blonde reluctantly dropped Minho’s hand, if only for the time it took for him to walk around the counter. “Sure.”

Minho led them to the back of the restaurant for privacy, even though the only other customer was a tired looking blonde girl with a textbook open on her table. “I can’t believe it. I’ve been here for a few years, how have I never seen you?”

Newt blushed, “I actually came here for you.”

“You knew I was here?”

“I actually, uh, met your sister first. I know, it’s ridiculous. It was just a hunch that I got from a, uh, dream. And I interpreted it wrong.”

”Wow, we hadn’t even met yet and you’re dreaming about me? Did I have all of my dazzling charm?”

“Well, you were seven.”

Minho shrugged, unfazed. “I was an adorable seven year-old.”

“Too bad you grew into this,” Newt mocked, gesturing at Minho. “I’m a little disappointed, I’ve got to say.”

“Oh slim it, I’m everything you wanted. After all, I’m your soulmate.”

Newt smiled fondly, “Yeah, yeah you are.”

a/n: Hope you enjoyed! I hope this doesn't come across as hetero-normative. I pictured pan!Newt looking for Sora first because she was the main part of his dream. If that makes sense?

#minewt #minho #newt #the maze runner #mine #soulmate series

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rcisehcll · 7 years

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the inquisition || simon && magnus && clary

also known as the one where magnus, simon, and clary, talk about their feelings.

@notanythcng @unexpectedtrajectories

clary when she had received an invitation from simon to meet him at one of his favourite restaurants, she hadn't really been certain what magnus wanted to talk about. things seemed to be improving, especially where alec was concerned. and magnus was designing again. walking inside with simon, she looks to her best friend. "did magnus say what he wanted to talk about?"

Simon was running late. as per usual. with his car now safely tucked away in the shop across town he had to rely on public transit - a system which wasn't as reliable as they liked to proclaim they were. thankfully both of his best friends also had a habit of being late and he smiled when he saw clary, kissing her on the cheek as he met her outside the restaurant. "hi. uh, it was just to get lunch i think?" he shrugged, trying to remember what magnus had said earlier. "i was spazzing and he said we should all get lunch. on him."

clary smiles at simon, giving him a side hug. "things seem - good right now. he's designing again." she tells simon. "and not just - a few designs here and there. he's really designing." pride seemed to seize the younger fairchild as she made the statement. "and he even agreed to come to your favourite place."

Simon couldn't help but share the sentiment - seeing magnus happy made him happy. "he mentioned it earlier, that he was designing again." he clarified. "he's really good. he never should have given it up." he knew why of course, they both did, but it was great to hear that he'd found some inspiration again. he deserved it, more than anyone. "he was being nice. almost too nice. which, don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about," he added with a laugh, "it's just weird. i'm used to being relentlessly mocked. change is weird. super weird."

clary "i actually asked him to design the dress i'm wearing to becca's wedding." of course, she was now well aware why magnus had stopped designing. although she had always try to get him back on the horse, so to speak. "i told him that if he can design something today, then he should should go for it this time." "maybe he's just in a good mood - he has a lot to be happy about," clary surmised. "i think alec is really good for him."

magnus knew he was probably late, but he'd let the kids watch another episode of project runway and gotten coffee before finally making his way to their meeting place---- he was the type to show up late and make an entrance. it was just who magnus was. but there was a lightness to his steps and a shine in his eyes that was unusual ; he looked younger, happier. he felt good. which was why he'd suggested they went to simon's favourite place, even though he wasn't very fond of it. as long as he was with simon and clary, though, it was perfect. sneaking up behind them, the man wrapped an arm around each of them, kissing their cheeks. "are you conspiring against me?"

clary although she hadn't seen magnus walk up to them, she simply assumed when an arm was wrapped around her and a kiss placed to her cheek, her brother had arrived. "we were just talking about how great it is that you're designing again."

Simon wasn't as prone to assumptions as clary, nearly jumping out of his skin when someone wrapped an arm around him. they lived in new york, after all - you could never be too safe. "jes -- oh, it's just you." he visibly relaxed when he saw that it was magnus, shaking his head. "conspiring against you? no. but i might now that you've taken ten years off of my life." despite his words there was no heat to them, a lazy smile on his face as he shook his head.

magnus shot his sister a glare that came off more playful than anything else, shaking his head--- not letting go of them as he spoke. "i'm not designing, we've been through this. i just doodle more." chuckling at simon, magnus nudged their heads together, shrugging absentmindedly---- he wanted to yell for details of the man's date with raphael but there was time for that. it felt nice to be there, just the three times. like old times. it was familiar, and while magnus was thankful for the new people in their collective lives, he missed this. "you take ten years off your life daily, with all the coffee you drink, and all the stressing you do. i just sped up the process a little bit more."

clary her eyebrows raise in a similarly playful manner as she catches the glare her brother sending her way. "doodles of designs. and remember our agreement." she almost appears stern momentarily, but then the same goofy, wide smile is on her face. stretching up to her eyes as it occupies her face. "he's right, simon. although he does have to deal with maureen daily."

Simon let out a strangled sigh. "yeah, if maureen has her way I won't make it through the end of the week." he winced. "and I'll have you know, coffee is good for you. it's natural. ish."

magnus shook his head at his sister, rolling his eyes and deciding to see if she'd let it go. the comments on maureen, however, made the man laugh ; letting go of them and nudging simon with his shoulder. "let maureen be, you had it coming. it's a good thing she's still keen on fucking you over, though, i knew i liked her." an eyebrow arched as magnus moved to actually enter the restaurant. "i love coffee, but there are limits. with your anxiety and the amount you have every day, you'll be dead before you're 30."

clary of course, clary had absolutely no intention of letting it go. and she hoped that her best friend was like minded. nudging her brother in his comments. "maureen became the she devil after they broke up - and it's literally been over a year." she defends, always fighting in simon's corner. ( she doesn't think a day will ever come where that is not the case. ) "but he's right. you drink way too much coffee. and the fact that we keep meeting at that coffee place near the loft is not helping."

Simon was starting to feel a little attacked. "hey," he protested, "coffee, in the grand scheme of things, isn't the worst thing I could be pounding back." and while he had to agree with clary's comments about maureen he was hesitant to keep going - he'd made his bed when they'd broken up with little to no notice, having thought he was in love with his best friend. he hasn't been, of course, but maureen had never moved past it. her hatred towards clary had never waned either. "but hey, weren't we talking about magnus? yeah, let's go back to that!"

magnus laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at simon although there was a toughness to his glare. "it isn't, but it also isn't the best thing you could be pounding at." shaking his head, the older man didn't really bother stopping as he saw a fairly empty room ( clearly, who would have lunch here? ) and found them a table, ready to deflect the conversation from him. "magnus is here, therefore you cannot talk about him. let's talk about you and raphael. or clary and izzy."

Simon blanched at magnus' words, shaking his head. "that's not a visual i needed." he commented as they made their way to their seats, hoping that the hostess hadn't heard their friend's crass comments. "i vote we talk about clary and izzy. that sounds like a great idea." and if it meant that he didn't have to talk about himself, well, it was an added bonus.

clary couldn't help but feel a little bad for her best friend. he had essentially asked for that. "you did walk right into it." making her way to their seats and settling herself, raising an eyebrow when it was suggested that they discuss her romantic relationship. "i vote we talk about you and raphael. magnus?" looking at her brother as the deciding vote. she really didn't want to talk about herself.

magnus tapped his fingers against the table for a moment, eyeing the two and trying to make a decision---- ultimately, he had a feeling that he would end up lecturing them but who first? "he could walk his dick into raphael, that would make everyone happier. so i guess that's where we're starting. saphael."

Simon choked on his words as he stammered out what sounded like an unintelligent string of noises, unable to form a coherent string of thought. "um,' he interjected, head shaking emphatically, "this is not - we're not talking about that. my sex life is off the table." he reached for the menu on the table and flipped it open, more-so for the distraction than actually needing to look at it. "and stop calling us saphael. it's weird. we're not even together." the yet is unspoken but he hopes - prays, even - that magnus will let it go. he was sure he'd be disappointed.

clary eyes would go wide at her brother, if she wasn't already so used to his antics. nothing was sacred to her brother - they could discuss hard sex over the family table and nothing would be out of the ordinary. "he calls izzy and i 'clizzy' too. and we're not even together." she flips open her own menu, perusing it althought it is a simple fact. herself and isabelle lightwood were not technically together.

Simon shakes his head, pointing out the obvious. "you'be basically been together since the night you met. semantics."

clary "in that case, so have you and raphael." she counters, a little immature. looking up at her best friend with a testing glance.

magnus rolled his eyes, snapping his fingers to get their full attention. "you're both idiots."

clary looking at her brother across the table, she leans over and raises an eyebrow. "you say that all the time, magnus."

Simon rolled his eyes. "no, we're fake together. it's different. and," he pointed at magnus, "i resent that."

magnus knew that he'd learnt to whistle loudly for a reason, and he did so while ignoring the looks the waitress gave him. "will you two act like the 20 year old adults you are?" nodding, he leaned back on his chair. "i mean it, this time. you're being ridiculously stupid, and i'm here to stop it."

Simon felt like a chastised child when magnus whistled, shrinking down in his chair to avoid any eyes that were being trained on them. "i don't know what you're talking about." he argued, raising his eyebrows. "who's being stupid?"

clary is startled by both the whistle itself and the volume of it, looking over at her brother. "come on, magnus. don't you think you're overreacting?" she leans back into her chair. "we're taking our time with raphael, and with izzy. there's nothing wrong with that."

magnus snorted at clary, shaking his head and honestly feeling offended at the implication that he was being dramatic, which he wasn't. his face also showed how serious he was, and his eyes travelled from one of his siblings to the other. "you're not taking your time, you're being fucking idiots. you," he nodded at clary. "are so in love it's actually disgusting. but instead of actually getting your shit together and admitting that, you're dancing around the subject for no good goddamned reason and wasting time you could be spending with your girlfriend. and you," he shook his head as he turned to simon, arching a brow. "i'm not sure what you're afraid of, exactly, but it would do you some good to get the fuck over it, because like miss genius over there you're just wasting time. you're falling in love with raphael, he's falling for you and the more you fight it, the more you increase the chances of fucking it up. not everyone finds the one, asswipes, but you did. so, get your shit together and hold onto them. for fuck's sake."

Simon knew that magnus' words came from a place of love but that didn't make them any easier to hear. realistically he knew that it was ridiculous to even try to claim that he and raphael were just fake dating, that real feelings hadn't cropped up unexpectedly, but admitting that out loud was another thing all together. instead he shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of someone he considered a brother, avoiding eye contact as he sighed. he hated it when magnus was right. "i asked him out," he reminded them both, straightening up slightly in his seat. "i'm not - i'm not stupid. i know that maybe there's a chance something could happen, but," he shrugged, "it's too soon to say. i don't want to rush things - or screw it up. which i'm good at." he added. "really, really, good at. you know this. you both do."

clary speechlessness overcomes her. in all her life, and having known her brother for most of it, he'd actually suceeded in surprising her. perhaps one of the causes of her speechlessness is also the rational assertion that magnus is right. they're both dancing around the people they're starting to love, and how much they're starting to love them. as if she hadn't actually asked isabelle to be her girlfriend yet. she'll just -- let simon speak for right now as she processes everything she'd previously pushed aside.

magnus pursed his lips at simon and shook his head---- not saying much but hoping he’d get somewhere with him. “simon, i have a clock above my head when it comes to alexander. but you know what? i’ll take the time i can with a person i’m falling in love with, because i don’t want to end up wondering what could have been. don’t be that guy. do you know what the opposite of love is?”

Simon raised his eyebrows. "first of all, there's no clock above your head - alec likes you. there's no axe waiting to swing down and," he gestured across his neck, eyes wide, "y'know, off you." but he knew that despite his words, the spotlight wasn't going to be turned off of him. whether he liked it or not, this conversation was happening. "i'm guessing it's not hate - too obvious. maybe indifference?"

magnus waved a hand in the air, dismissing simon's words because he frankly wasn't going to get into that. he'd accepted his fate, and welcomed it if it meant he got some time with alexander. "it's fear. that's the opposite of love. and hey, fear is normal and okay---- god knows i run on a constant stare of fucking panic, but you can't let that shit run your life or you're just going to be miserable. and that's what you're letting it do, and i'm not going to sit here and pat you on the back for it. be afraid, but don't find a way to regret not doing anything for the rest of your life. that is what breaks people. regret." 20:31

clary she thinks that it will be good for simon to hear all of this in the long run, hell it's even good for her. magnus never told them the things they wanted to hear, but he always told them what they needed to hear. galvanized them to act, or to refrain from acting. and it could kill them or anger them at the time but later, it was always better. "he's right." she finally speaks up. and with that releases a breath.

Simon resisted the urge to point out that fear was definitely not the opposite of love - when it came to all things grammar, and logic - because he had a feeling that wasn't the point that he was trying to make. what made matters worse was that he was right and it was a fact that simon had been sidestepping ever since the night he'd met raphael in the campus bar. maybe he was afraid to fall in love - really fall - and that was why he'd always gone for people he knew there was no chance at a future with. clary, maureen, jace - feelings destined to fizzle out before they ever became something real. but this was different, and different was terrifying. he didn't need magnus to spell it out plain as day for him to realize that. { or maybe he did, seeing as it had taken him this long to acknowledge it. } "i hate it when magnus is right." simon muttered under his breath, shoulders slumped as he pursed his lips. "i really hate it. like, almost as i much as i hate that movie - what was it, prometheus? it ruined the alien franchise, you know. there's no forgiving that."

magnus snapped his fingers again, arching an eyebrow at simon that clearly said 'excuse me, back to the conversation'.

Simon shrugged helplessly. "i said you were right - what more do you want from me?"

magnus sighed, an actual tired sigh, shaking his head. "i want you to get your head out of your ass, simon. i know i'm right, that's not the point of this. the point is that you realise that it's okay to talk about things---- think about it like therapy. you're the one who took me, now you get the backlash."

Simon wanted to regret that but he couldn't. if this was the price he had to pay to ensure that magnus was taking care of himself, he'd pay it time and again. "joy." he grumbled, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. "i don't know what - hey, why do you always want to have serious conversations in public? that's weird, buddy. this is a 'in the safety of your own home' kind of conversation. in a safe space, if you will." he looked at clary hoping for some back up, but not expecting to find any. not that he'd blame her - why throw yourself into the fire unnecessarily? "i like him. okay? there, i've said it. i like him. i like him a lot." he swallowed thickly, the reality of the words washing over him like ice cold water, flooding his veins as he struggled to speak. "and that's - he's," a pause, a frustrated hum lodging itself in his throat, "he's one of the best people i've ever met. he's an asshole, don't get me wrong," and he smiled at that, shaking his head fondly, "but even still it's weirdly endearing. i dunno. i'm crazy, he's crazy, it's all - " he fumbled for words, eventually sighing as he muttered out a weak explanation. "...crazy."

magnus smiled fondly, moving to ruffle simon's hair and shrugging. "good. crazy's good, and at least you get to be crazy together. he likes you as much as you like him, simon. trust me on that." his smile shifted into a smirk as he turned to look at his sister. "and you?"

clary watched simon seemingly struggle to articulate his feelings, not unlike upon the occassion of their own discussion that had fizzled out in light nature about a zombie apocalypse. and their heroism. it can't be easy. and falling in love never is - she knows that. but as she catches simon's glance, and his seeming plea for help, she just reaches over and places her hand over his. a silent form of comfort even if she wasn't ready vocalise her comfort yet, to back him up. to talk about isabelle. isabelle who loves chinese food and names her skeletons and is funny and smart and she can't even begin to articulate how she feels. swallowing when she sees magnus' attention shift to her. "can we order first?" it's a stalling tactic at best. a way to co-ordinate her thoughts.

magnus smiled wider. "no."

clary sits back, her hand still resting above simon's, perhaps for the better. "well i need food and water if we're really going to have this conversation so - simon what's good here?"

Simon didn't blame her for deflecting. he could only hope that she was better at it than he was. "the eggplant parmesan is good. so is the veggie lasagna. stay away from anything with tofu in it though - you'd hate it. it's really wiggly."

clary was glad her best friend was willing to co-operate with her stalling tactics. still trying to ready herself to say that she was falling in love with isabelle. scratch that - she simply couldn't do it. "eggplant parmesan sounds good. what're you having?" she looks at simon and then briefly at magnus. not to poke the bear, as it were.

Simon replied simply, "same thing. i always get the same thing. originality died with simon lewis, circa 1996."

magnus rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair. "you're terrible at this, biscuit. hurry up, this shouldn't take all day."

clary starts to feel herself get progressively more nervous. which was not typically clary's disposition. looking at her brother as a tight and closed lipped smile occupied her face for a few moments. "have you decided what you're ordering yet, magnus? we're really just waiting on you."

magnus shrugged once more, shaking his head with a smile. it was funny to make clary squirm. "i'll have what you're having. that's settled, then?"

clary shit. her time was officially up. she couldn't think of another even vaguely valid stalling tactic, and it would take a while for their food to come. simon had done it. how hard could it be? "settled." it's only three words for heaven sake - falling in love. just say them. magnus is right, regret is a ruthless demon.

magnus nodded. "the floor is yours, biscuit."

clary starts to sit lean forward in her chair again. her shoulders rounded and her spine curved as she does. "izzy makes it really easy to -" to fall in love? the words still sound uncertain in her mind. she doesn't dare to think of how they would sound outloud. "- to like her a lot. she's charming and intelligent and beautiful and funny. and i always end rattling off all of her good qualities." it's short, but sweet. and not entirely a full representation of everything she wants to say. she isn't known for keeping secrets - not often from magnus and never from simon. but there are things to say when the time is right, and at present doesn't feel like the right time. [ and maybe she's still jokingly considering the bet her and simon had constructed. which subsequently, she lost badly. ]

magnus nodded again, leaning to lay his hand on clary's and squeezing, shooting her a look that let her know she was off the hook for now. but that he knew, and that he knew that she knew too--- but clary wasn't in denial like simon was. "it's endearing, biscuit. just don't be a simon about this, okay?"

Simon frowned. "hey!"

clary feels herself start to relax, not visually but noticeably, as magnus silently assures her that this conversation is over. for now at least. [ she's grateful. she's not sure how she would have responded to another bought of questioning. ] laughing softly at magnus' comment. "hey! simon is perfectly fine." Mar 25

magnus snorted, shrugging his shoulders and moving to pat simon's arm. "he's alright. ish."

clary laughed softly, shaking her head. "he is more than alright. he is your brother, almost. and my best friend."

#{ clary }#{ magnus }#✖ — LIKE ART SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL BUT LIKE ART SHE WAS ALSO COMPLEX { CLARY }

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macguires · 7 years

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ok first of all if someone actually decides to open this , i want 2 v firmly express that i would actually turn into the fucking knife emoji if anyone ever tried to contact someone about what i vent abt on my blog and i could go on a whole separate rant about exactly why

plus a) i’ve been thinking obsessively about this since i was a literal child (especially over the last year or so) and it’s gotten too frustrating and overwhelming to have this on my mind every second of every day and know i can’t talk about it to anyone irl because people will freak out and try to intervene and i’ll have the one choice i can make for myself taken from me so i would very much like to actually be able to get this stuff out without needing to worry about people here doing that also and b) my mother is already aware of a fair portion of the stuff i’m about to vent about so u will do nothing she hasn’t thanks

this is absolutely just me basically talking to myself and getting everything out that’s been bothering me and that i’ve been distracted by and this is very much a last resort way of me getting it out, this isn’t really for other people to read like. i don’t mind if someone does, i just want to make it v clear that this is first and foremost just a jumble of incoherent thoughts that i’m putting down as i think them and i can’t deal w/ someone seeing it and getting involved by telling anybody about it, not that i actually think someone would sit here and literally read through it all because even i don’t know how long this will get and it very literally only matters & relates to me

but i’m really paranoid so just in case like. even if this makes no sense to u and u think it’s the right thing to do to tell someone about it or something just do me a favour and Do Not lol

anyway ok time to Empty my Brain in no order whatsoever

honestly i’ve literally been like Actively Suicidal for so many fucking years that at this point i’m just on a whole new level of it lmfao. like whenever people are kinda clued in to what i’m thinking (by which i mean the 1.5 people who've ever actually half-noticed bc i never fucking talk to people about things) they kind of assume that it’s bc i’m like. i’ve given up on getting better and if i just make Yet Another effort to seek help (which has never helped ever) or someone just talks to me about stuff i’ll see Hope and that i don’t really want to die and instead want to be ‘saved’ and to get better and live happily etcetcetc

but like.... that’s not even it like i’m? i love the world. i love the universe, i love everyone i’ve ever met, i love my family and my friends and everyone who’s neither of those things and i absolutely love the Little Things in life and talking to people and all of that stuff

like it’s not that i hate the world or can’t see the value of life or anything? that’s not it at all

i’m honestly so far past the whole Super Angsty emo stage of being suicidal and i’ve crossed over into ‘serene acceptance’

like it’s just a fact to me that i’m going to do it? this has been the plan since i was like 11, this was always how i was going to do things, i always knew when i’d do it and how and what i wanted to get done first and i’ve always had it in my mind no matter what i’m doing or talking about, and it doesn’t make me sad to think about it now that it’s not so far away? i’m literally sitting here counting down until it’s time (i’m staying to see the last two star wars movies first lmao i’ve still got A While) and it’s just another Thing. like i just feel totally chill about it and i’m actually in a better mood now that things are properly settled in my mind than i ever was when i had no idea what i was going to do in the future, like i’m appreciating everything so much more now and every conversation i have just feels. like i’m taking it all in and saying everything i want to say while i still can and making sure that people know i love them and. idk i’m sure it only makes sense in my head and would be awful & stupid to other people but like i’m so calm about it

like a few years ago i would’ve been wishing for help and for people to talk to me and for me to find a way to turn my whole life around and fix my v faulty brain, but now i feel like i’ve literally just crossed over a line somewhere, like past the point of no return, and now you could offer me all of that, you could offer me another way out and everything i’ve ever wished for, you could offer me Unlimited Happiness and true love if i keep living, and i’d literally be like “thanks but nah. i think i’ll leave anyway”

? like i’ve seen the world. i’ve tried it out. it’s lovely. it’s beautiful and i love the people i’ve met and i hope i’ve made a positive impact on them while i’ve been here. the stars are pretty. video games are Good. i love life - i just don’t love being a part of it. it’s just....... Not For Me. it’s never made me anything but miserable and literally every bad thing that could happen happens to me, esp mental health-wise. i’m so exhausted so like thanks for the trial run but it’s been terrible personally and i want the chance to opt out now

and i don’t even want to imagine how much worse i’d feel all over again about all of my mental and physical health problems if i didn’t have this because i’m literally coping with everything right now by thinking to myself “well i won’t have to deal with them for long anymore”, like everything in my life is now being dealt with via the ‘only a little longer’ mindset and if i had that taken away from me i’d be Destroyed yet again

but like legitimately i’ve just. since i was a child all life has been is depression and anxiety and anorexia and avpd and suicidal thoughts and literal physical & verbal child abuse as well as seriously fucked up domestic abuse where literal guns were involved towards my mum and then watching my dad get questioned by police and get charges pressed against him and then watching them get dropped and him never getting punished for any of it and carrying on w/ his life because police asked me to tell them about it while my mum stood there in the room the whole time to make sure i was covering for him and she would lie to my sisters when they asked me about what was going on and nobody ever believed me and even now if i mention it to friends i can never shake off the “oh my god they don’t believe me they think i’m lying and making it all up for attention” and i hate it. and i don’t hate him now bc he’s different now but my whole childhood was fear and violence and anger and nobody coming to my house because my friends were terrified of him even when he was acting nice for guests and it still affects me & my mum to the point where we were watching a video of my sister’s wedding a couple of months ago (which happened around the time the abuse was at its Absolute Height) and my dad came onscreen at one point without warning and i literally wanted to throw up and i was shaking and my mum got so bitter and sad and for a split second seeing him just like he was when it was all happening, it was like being back there and i just felt it all all over again and i felt so helpless and angry and i’d really been trying so so so hard to forget it all and i hate that nobody will ever know how bad it was or fully believe me when i reference it

and when i talk about me ‘dealing w/ anorexia’ i mean that’s literally. like if you don’t have an eating disorder you have no idea. a couple of my friends know that i have it and i know exactly what they think it’s like and they have n-o-i-d-e-a how bad it is and how all-consumingly it takes over your entire life, literally everything. it’s so different from what you hear about it and assume about it if you’re reading about it without experiencing it firsthand, it’s so much worse and so much more horrible and painful and for like 3 years now i’ve been able to think of nothing but weight and food and eating and how many weeks it’ll be until i can next eat something and it’s made me bitter and stressed and i’ve gotten literally nothing from it. like surprise! you don’t even always lose weight! that’s a possible side effect of an eating disorder, but thanks to Starvation Mode and the speed of ur metabolism, you could royally fuck up your life irreversibly, damage your internal organs, push away all of your friends and throw away your entire future as well as make yourself totally miserable and be at risk of dying and you’ll still be the same weight you were when you started! in fact u might even look bigger bc u’ll bloat constantly, even if all u did was have a drink! u will literally look pregnant! nobody will believe that ur eating disorder is serious bc even if u haven’t eaten for a month u’ll still look totally healthy! and if ur like me the Logical Solution to this will be deliberately dehydrating yourself to the point of passing out in front of people multiple times just so u aren’t bloated when they see u, bc they might think it’s fat! will that mean you’re able to stop starving urself bc you see that it’s not doing anything and ur not losing weight? nope! have fun continuing w/ putting urself through literal hell for nothing and also with massive crying panic attacks over half a pound of temporary water weight gained after drinking a cup of tea one day

and i’ve had to drop out of school and i’m never going to be able to work or live alone and i’m literally never going to be happy or enjoy life in the slightest so i’m literally like. why should i keep forcing myself through this. why should i stay here and have my whole life be like this and keep living for other people who make me feel miserable anyway, why shouldn’t i be selfish and make my own choice about whether or not i want to keep doing this all day every day for another 60+ years, why shouldn’t i get an option, why shouldn’t i be able to say “yeah this isn’t for me, i literally don’t remember feeling happy or loved at any stage in my life and it’s just not worth it for me, i’d quite like for everything to stop now, thank you for the opportunity”

like i know that’s selfish and unreasonable and i know it would make no sense if i ever tried to tell someone about it and i know that people would panic and try to change my mind and call people and like. get me put somewhere where i can’t do shit because they think i’ll change my mind one day or feel better later or they want me to stick around for them (tho there is a part of me that’s started thinking of that as like. why should i only be living for other people when i don’t want to, shouldn’t i be living for myself? shouldn’t that be the whole point? if i don’t want to do that and i’ve stuck around since i first started feeling this way when i was 11 purely for other people’s sakes and i’ve found that that just isn’t working out and hasn’t changed anything and at no point has anything gotten better like people always told me it would, why can’t i make this one really selfish choice for myself and say no thank you i’d like to make this decision for me now)

but vague bitterness aside, i’m past the “oh my god my life is horrible and i cry 24/7 and i just want to die, i’m going to end up killing myself and that’s awful and sad and i wish i wasn’t like this” stage that lasted literal years and i’m in the “yeah i’m definitely gonna be doing that, but that’s a peaceful and comforting thought rather than a depressing one, i feel much calmer and more clear-headed knowing that there’s an Exit in sight and i don’t have to do this for much longer”

and the fact that i’m sticking around as long as i am purely to watch the last two star wars sequel movies (or at least the next one, whether i want to wait for the last one or not depends on what happens in that) is probably also the dumbest-sounding thing i’ve ever said. like i wasn’t even supposed to be here that long. the whole thing since i was 11 was that i was supposed to be Very Dead by the end of 2017. i went through my last birthday with the assumption in my mind that it would be my last one. and i was v relieved about it. but ta-da! here we are and i accidentally got attached to star wars and then had a literal massive dramatic panic attack alone in my room as i tried to figure out how to deal w/ my Need to know what happens next with the thing i’ve been planning and that i’ve been comforted by the certainty of for years, eventually very reluctantly and miserably deciding that i’ll stay to see through to the end of these stupid-ass movies while also desperately hoping i’ll lose interest in them before then and can give up on that and it won’t be a problem anymore. and like there’s no going back after i’ve seen them. especially after changing plans to wait for the movies to come out, that’s already WAY TOO LONG and v much stresses me out to think about, i was NOT supposed to ever reach the age i’ll be when they’re done in a couple of years, so no matter what as soon as i’ve seen them i am Gone Bye Bye lmfao i’ll literally be rushing to do it out of panic by then bc of the Delay

and i always thought i’d stick around for my irl best friend, that’s how it was at first. there was one brief time during february 2014 (i think?) when i ended up almost doing something v permanent because i was v miserable and said best friend phoned me one night about how they were scared they were going to be kicked out of their house and sent to some random place in perth (which is pretty far away) and i told them they could stay at mine if they needed to, and thankfully they weren’t kicked out and things were resolved back then but i literally remember thinking to myself like. if something ever happened to them, i wanted to be there for them? i was like “if i’m dead i can’t help them, i can’t say ‘you can come to mine’ if they ever need to, i won’t be there to answer if they’re ever in another situation where they need to call someone” and i’ve never told them about this but they pretty much saved me back then just by doing that because i realised i couldn’t go through with it like a day before i was supposed to, i didn’t want to leave them

and like distantly, in a r e a l l y detached way, i’m sort of glad i don’t feel the need to do that anymore? like they did eventually end up getting kicked out not long ago and they did end up staying at my house (which i admittedly did for selfish reasons, i wanted to be useful and i wanted to feel like i was helping them and like i was keeping my promise to do that for them if they ever needed to) and now i’ve done that and they’ve met new friends and they’re just. doing so many wonderful things and we’ve drifted a little in the sense that i know they’ll be totally fine, i’ve sort of drifted from everyone, and that doesn’t only make me feel sad anymore? like i’m actually so proud of them, i’ve known my friends for years and watched them achieve so much and i know everyone will be okay and they’re all going to do so much w/ their lives and i wish them all the happiness & love in the world, and it’s sort of just really freeing to be able to say that i don’t feel like i need to stay for them, it won’t really affect their lives if i wasn’t here anymore (and i don’t even mean that to sound self-pitying or anything, it doesn’t make me upset to say that anymore, it’s literally just another thing i’m v accepting of), they have other people to call and other people to be with and i’m so happy for them

and it’s just totally changed the way i’m seeing things, like i might (depending on how i feel about my weight at the time lol bc that dictates Everything now, it’s great fun) be meeting up with a few friends in april and i don’t see them irl that often anymore, and i’m going into this knowing i’m very possibly seeing them for the last time? depending on whether we all get together in person again in the year or two afterwards? and it’s so strange idk. like it’s strange to think that i’m going into this and i’m going to be looking at them and wondering if i’ll see them again before it happens or if this’ll be the last time i do and. like it bothers me a little because they won’t know and us all meeting up that day won’t mean the same thing for them as it does for me, but i’m trying to let that feel freeing too

idk man everything’s just. i’m accepting everything. a lot of things that would have made me panic and cry and pity myself a few years ago just sort of gets a. “yeah, that’s true, and that’s okay, i’m not mad/sad about that anymore” response from me now because everything is just so much more ‘whatever’ now that i can tell myself i don’t need to feel all of this and think all of this for any longer than another couple of years and i just want to love & appreciate everything and everyone so there’s absolutely no mistake about what i think of anyone, like while i’m still here i want to spend that time making sure nobody can feel uncertain about how much i love them & how grateful i am, i want to make people as happy as i can and to tell them everything i love about them while i can

i used the word ‘freeing’ a minute ago and i guess that’s the term i’ve been looking for since the start of this shamefully long post and since i started thinking about all of this more concretely, knowing i have this actual solid way out and knowing when i’ll get there and how long it will take and how it will happen is so freeing and it’s just making everything feel more peaceful and meaningful (? that’s not quite the right term but) and i’m so determined not to let this get taken from me

#this is incoherent and is very much written for venting purposes #it's LITERALLY me talking to myself for like 15 paragraphs #idk how i'd feel about other people seeing this and this is v much a precarious place to post it lmao #but i have nowhere else and it's been upsetting me & distracting me to be thinking about it constantly #and knowing i can't tell anyone about it and knowing people will react badly and that i can't. share it w anyone like #i've been dealing w it on my own for years & years & it's very!! overwhelming #and i just want somewhere to say it that's not in my own head lmao #like i feel better just knowing it's Somewhere external #i feel like i've sort of finally talked about it without actually talking TO someone about it #which is basically what i needed #mine #anyway if someone is actually fucking bored enough to open what i've essentially just described as a screaming diary #please pay attention to the first few parts because that's the only reason i put them there just in case someone saw them #and. u know. probably don't keep reading if it doesn't sound like something u can agree to

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