i still haven't seen ted lasso but i have that colin dude repeating i am a strong and capable man in my head rn and its weirdly somehow calming and educing my anxiety
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The One Time I Wasn't There - Part 2 (Repressed Feelings)
The room came into startling color as TJ's head slipped from his hand, and his eyes went wide when someone yelped at the other end of the room.
As he readjusted his glasses, the blurred figure turned into a sad-looking 28-year-old with glasses and his iPad in hand.
"...Morning, Ryan." He sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair.
The younger man blanched.
"Did I wake you up? Aw, man."
Getting up, TJ felt his pockets for his gun, and affirming it was there, straightened up to face his colleague, shaking his head no.
"..How is she doing?" Ryan asked finally, his eyes looked red and puffy. "I just couldn't sleep last night, thinking about it after I went home, you sitting there, taking all the blame, when it was me who couldn't even disarm one guy."
TJ exhaled slowly, coming to rest his hands on Ryan's shoulders.
"Ryan, I know how easy it is to blame yourself when things like this happen. I do it all the time. But no matter what we feel about this, her...everything-" he paused to gesture around the room as Ryan looked confusedly at him, "we have to remember that this job, being a part of the squad comes with danger and risk. And you know as much as I do, as Cora did, that when you pass that exam, when you say 'yes', you are acknowledging that you could be injured or worse."
The other detective didn't answer for a long time, instead slumping down to the floor.
"She's stable, though, so." TJ shrugged, walking back to Cora's side, the back of his hand brushing against hers for a few seconds before he sat down, forcing his teeth down hard against his lip when it trembled.
He'd been over this too many times to count, and yet his mind still couldn't shake off what Cora Vasquez did to him.
"That's kind of rich coming from you.." Ryan replied, following the older man with a puzzled look in his eyes, setting his iPad down finally on top of the small duffel he had brought in the corner.
From the bowling alley they had competed at.
"I'm in too deep," TJ put simply, his gaze beseeching and helpless. "I love her too much, Ryan."
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