#i was tired of seeing white boy caleb and then this happened

[revanisadumbass]

While we're on the subject though:

Desmond Sivan as young Caleb Dume

Amar Chadha-Patel as Kanan Jarrus

#not kotor #my star wars fancast #kanan jarrus #caleb dume #i was tired of seeing white boy caleb and then this happened

[n0wornever]

Remember Me - Luke Patterson x Reader

“So I have this idea where the reader died with the boys she's like their friend/fan/manager type stuff but like she has this crush on Luke since forever but never acted up on it and so when they met Julie and stuff the boys kind of neglect her because they were so focused on making the band and stuff and she also sees the chemistry between Luke and Julie. After that she went and met Willie where they talked about their unfinished business and like the reader knows her unfinished business and it's not Luke...”

So this is....the saddest piece I’ve ever written, sorry in advance

It had been about two months since Y/N and the boys were planted in Julie Molina’s life. In that short period of time, Luke, Alex, and Reggie were able to creatively connect with the girl and start to play music again. As much as she loved to watch the boys succeed, she couldn’t help but feel a pain in her chest.

As the boys grew closer to Julie, Y/N slipped into the background. Unable to contribute musically and her death making it impossible for her to help with the marketing piece she used to take on, she was often relegated to an audience member and cheerleader. She didn’t mind encouraging her boys, but she couldn’t help but feel like an outsider from the group.

As she sat on the white sand, she looked out at the open water, listening to water whip around. A jolt pushed her back a few feet, leaving her breathless. As she came back from the sudden pain, she thought about what Willie had said to Alex about completing their unfinished business. With the physical pain of whatever Caleb ejected into their system, and the hidden pain her chest, she was aware of the fact that she couldn’t last long. 

She knew she needed to talk to someone about it. Her best friend had been the one she turned to when she felt her lowest. She had hesitated to say anything to him before because looked so happy with this second chance. He was writing and singing again, and most importantly, he was smiling again. She had ignored the fast beating of her heart when he grabbed her hand in excitement over the Phantoms’ first gig and definitely ignored the ache in her chest when she saw the way that Julie and Luke sang with each other on the stage. However, she knew this feeling in her gut wouldn’t go away with her letting it build inside, so she was finally going to rip off that bandaid. 

She snapped her fingers and was instantly brought back to the garage. She looked around the garage and didn’t see anyone initially. As she waited, she started to hear the muffled sound of voices outside the door. She walked over, opening the door a crack and peeking outside. She saw Luke and Julie, a soft smile across his face as he looked at her. One she once thought was reserved for her. She swallowed hard as she listened.

“Julie, you’re incredible, please talk to me. You know that you can tell me anything, right?” 

The girl looked up at him with wide eyes and a sweet smile. They moved to try to connect hands, his slipping through hers. She turned to face the house and he smiled at her side profile.

“This is an interesting little relationship you and I have…”

Y/N felt tears bubble toward the surface as she watched the pure encounter in front of her. She had felt like she had been replaced for a while now, but this was the physical proof she was looking for. She slid the door closed and fell against it, letting silent tears fall from her face for a moment before snapping her fingers again.

She landed in the middle of the quiet dance floor of Caleb’s club. She heard the sound of tires wheeling toward her and turned to see Willie racing her way. He slid up to meet her, picking up his board in his hand and smiling at her.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” 

She clutched her wrist in her opposite hand, refusing to meet his eyes. She felt his hand grab hers and she finally met his gaze, unable to stop the tears from flowing. 

“What’s going on?” He pressed, his eyebrows raised in concern. 

She let go of his hand and moved hers to wipe the tears away. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.” She shoved her hands in her pockets as she looked up at him. 

He sighed, leading her over to the table. He sat his board on the chair next to him and turned to face her. She took a deep breath before speaking again. 

“You know how you said that by completing your unfinished business you could pass on…”

“Uh-huh…” He said slowly, one eyebrow raising at her. 

She rubbed the back of her neck “I was wondering...how do you find out what that is exactly...to do that…”

“Y/N have you talked to the boys-”

She stopped him, holding a hand out to his face. “I am certain it doesn’t have anything to do with them.” He stared at her blankly “You know that. We talked about how their scheduled performance will probably be the anecdote for them. That won’t work for me… I need to do this alone” 

He nodded at her, waiting a moment before talking again “Okay, so let’s think about this…. Do you have anyone that you have unresolved issues with? Anyone that you might have left on bad terms with?”

She thought hard about this question. There were many people that she never received clarity from, but one stuck out. Her mom and her were never really on great terms. She remembered the last argument they had the last night before she left for the Sunset Curve show. Her mom had been frustrated with her slipping grades and her continued focus on the boys’ career instead of her own. 

What really broke her was her mom’s stance that Luke “wasn’t good enough for her” and that she was wasting her time on him. The screaming match that followed this comment had left Y/N’s face red and her heart racing as she screamed ‘I hate you’ at her mother and slammed the door as she left.

She regretted that the moment she said it. She knew her mom was just looking out for her, that she wanted the best for her daughter, and was genuinely worried about her. She knew she didn’t like Luke, but it wasn’t because she disliked him, she felt like the boy was leading her daughter on and didn’t want her heart to hurt anymore. Her mom was there the nights she cried when Luke would go on dates with other girls or when he would cancel plans last minute. Her mom would console her into the early hours of her morning. Although they didn’t always see eye to eye, her mom cared about her and loved her more than anyone she ever knew. 

She felt her chest get heavier the longer she thought about that moment. She met Willie’s eyes again, placing her hands on the table as she told him the story. 

“I think I know what I need to do, thanks, Wille.” 

The right side of his lips rose at her, grabbing her hands and squeezing them. “You sure that this is what you want?” 

She nodded, standing up. She wrapped the flannel she stole from Luke this morning and pulled it over her shoulders. The pair exchanged a hug and a last goodbye before she poofed out of the room. As she opened her eyes, she was met by a scene she was all too familiar with. The tree was already decorated for the Christmas holiday, the dining room set the way her mom always did even though they rarely ate there. She walked forward, entering the living room. That is when she saw her, she almost cried at the sight of the grey-haired woman, knitting in her favorite chair. As she approached her and watched her stoically watching the screen in front of her, she shook from the emotion that fell from her body. Y/N tried to wave her hand in front of her face, but the woman did not react to the movement. She watched her for another moment before she walked over to the table.

She saw the pen and notepad on the table and concentrated on them. She exhaled as she was able to hold the pen in her hand. She touched the notepad, pressing the ink to the page. The words flew like water from her as the pen hit the paper. She got to the end and thought carefully before she wrote “Your Sunshine” at the end in neat cursive. She ripped the paper from the rest and folded into a perfect square. She held it up to her and kissed it gently. She walked to the kitchen, placing the note next to the coffee machine that she’d know the woman would eventually wander to. She looked around the room one more time before stepping through the back door. 

She sat down on the outside steps and took a deep breath. She rested her elbows on her knees and brought her hands up to cover her face. She finally took a moment to let go, crying into her hands, the tears collecting in her palm. She knew that she couldn’t bear to evaporate into thin air or whatever would happen at her home. She felt like that would be like her mom losing her twice, even if she didn’t see her. 

She snapped her fingers and heard the familiar noise of the waves around her. She let her eyes set on the water furthest from her. Sitting in silence as the grey day consumed her. 

Later that night

Luke’s body drew a subtle hue as he hugged Julie, feeling the strength reenter his body after a near-death after their last performance. The band hugged each other closely, spinning around in a circle at the opportunity for another chance to be around each other. As they separated, Luke looked around the room with wide eyes.

“Hey, where’s Y/N, I know she’s not formally a part of the band...but maybe this will work for her too?”

He looked over to the chair where he normally found her reading and didn’t see her lamp on. He ran over to the other side of the room by the stereo and found nothing. He ran his fingers through his hair as he sprinted back over to his bandmates. 

He jogged back to his bandmates, scratching his head “Did she say she was going somewhere tonight?” 

Before any of them could answer, they heard the turn of wheels near the entrance of the garage. They turned to see the long-haired skater frantically trying to catch his breath. His eyes darted between all of the boys eyes before he met Luke’s, fighting the tears he already felt coming. 

“Willie, what’s going on?” Alex asked, approaching the boy.

Willie looked up at Alex with tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He bit down on his bottom lip before speaking to the group.

“She didn’t want me to tell you guys, but my heart can’t take you all not knowing. I think Y/N is gone.”

Luke scoffed, pointing at the empty room behind him “Yeah, I just tried to look for her-”

Wille interrupted him, swallowing hard “No...she’s gone gone.” 

Luke’s face moved to a scowl, approaching the man with his fists balled “What do you mean? What the hell did you do?”

Wille pressed backward, and Alex intervened, pushing against Luke’s chest to separate the boys. The skater put a hand on Alex’s shoulder and moved him out of the way to meet Luke’s angry expression again.

“I didn’t do anything. SHE came to me this afternoon and asked about completing unfinished business. She told me she had to do this. She said something about it being her last hope.” Luke felt his eyes fill with water. He turned away from the group and slammed his hand against the wall, knowing well that it would bruise his knuckles.  

He screamed out in anguish before moving back over to her seat on the couch. His bandmates watched as he terrorized the room, ripping papers and pushing over furniture. Willie moved forward to try to console him but Alex’s arm rose, blocking the boy from walking forward. Alex nodded at his bandmates and Willie, the four of them leaving the boy alone in the room. 

Luke noticed a neat little square of paper sitting on top of the last book she read. He picked it up and saw his name written in her perfect penmanship. he sat down in her chair and wiped his tears aways on his ruffled top, steadying his breathing before unraveling the piece of paper. 

“Luke,

I didn’t want to do this, but I think leaving will be the best thing for my heart. I hope that your work with Julie gives you and the boys the second chance that you all deserve. I have never been prouder of you and no one in this world and afterlife deserves another shot of happiness like you do. I hope Julie takes care of your heart because I know that you deserve so much love,  I hope she’s willing to give that to you for as long as she can. Thank you for being my first friend, my first ‘boss’, and....my first love. I hope you never forget me because I know that it will be very difficult for me to forget you.

Love,

Your Sugar, Y/N”

He didn’t notice that he was crying until a few rogue tears hit the paper, drenching the words. He read the words “first love” several more times before folding it back up into her perfect square. He brought the note up to his lips and kissed it gently before holding it to where his heart used to beat. He looked up at the ceiling and whispered “I love you so much, I’m so sorry Sugar” to the air around him, letting the tears continue to fall as he sat in silence.

.

.

.

.

Tag list: @xplrreylo​ @lovesanimals​, @anythingandeverythingfandom​, @crybabyddl​, @oswin05​, @joshy-obx​, @lukeys-giggle​, @bumbleberry-pie​ @kiss-themoongoodbye​  @marinettepotterandplagg​, @lolychu​, @bathtimejish​, @dasexydevitt13​ @musicconversedance​, @txrii​  @bestdressedandstressed​ @daisiesforlacey​  @epikskool​  @bookfrog247​ @carleywhittaker​ @princessvader15​ @rudysbay​ @spooky-season-bitch

#luke patterson #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson fanfiction #julie and the phantoms #jatp

[gifted-burnout-archive]

The Other Side of Hollywood

PART FIVE

Word Count: 4.7K+

Author’s Note: So, this was going to be covering all of episode eight, but I got a bit carried away, and like, wrote too much? So, felt right to split it, the rest of episode eight will be in the next chapter (get the tissues ready). For now, enjoy some jatp au I made up! 

Warning: brief discussion of death.

Part One is here, Two is here, Three is here and Four is here. The masterlist is here, and the moodboard I made for Y/N is aquí. 

--

Y/N wasn’t the type to dream, but the more she tried to forget about music, the more she dreamed about… And the people linked to it. Her nights were restless as memories of the past few weeks stirred with flashes of things she couldn’t remember happening to her, often making her periods of sleep restless. It didn’t help that the flickering was getting worse, or that the one person she wanted to spend time with no doubt hated her.

Willie had been good enough to tell her what he had done: admitting to explaining everything to Alex, Reggie, and Luke. He didn’t plan on holding it back, walking straight into her room that night, a week ago, and letting it all tumble out before she could stop him. She just sat, glassy eyed as she listened, her focus somewhere else as she held herself.

“Y/N… Y/N say something…” Willie had asked, taking his hands in hers. Her eyes looked up into his, her forehead resting against his.

“You’re my family, Will… We stick together… I won’t tell Caleb.” She said simply, glancing around them at the mention of their boss.

“He came back, didn’t he? Yelled again?” Willie asked with a sigh.

“I’m fine.”

When Willie found Y/N at the bar the next morning, it was clear she had forgone sleep the night before. She was sluggish in her movements, but not without some sort of spirit in her, humming softly to herself as she straightened glasses on shelves. He sat down across from her on a bar stool, his elbows resting on the polished counter as he reached out a hand to catch her attention.

“Talk to me, Y/N. Please. You don’t look good.” Willie begged, not liking the sight of his closest friend in such pain. She had been getting worse as the week went on, almost like she was losing colour.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Willie… Have you seen Alex?” She asked, and Willie shook his head. He had been keeping his distance from the guys for his own safety, though it hurt not seeing Alex.

“I was planning to look for him today. Just now, actually.” He explained, and Y/N nodded.

“Then do that… I have somewhere to be.” She muttered, stopping when she caught her reflection, and sighing. She ran a hand through her hair, tidying herself up a little, and with a click of her fingers, she changed into better looking clothes. The perks of being a ghost…

“Y/N.” Willie said again, but when his friend started for the exit, he jumped from his seat and blocked her way. “You’re not well. You need to be resting, or something… Not disappearing every day and making Caleb more suspicious of you.” He whispered, holding her by the shoulders. “The plan doesn’t involve you dying, you know…”

“You help them… They cross over and all this nonsense stops…” She said softly, feeling a tear stain her cheek, that Willie quickly wiped away. “… Why do I feel like this?” she asked, catching Willie a little off-guard.

“Feel like what?” He asked, sitting her down at the nearest table. Y/N didn’t really talk about herself, how she felt… In the over a decade they had been friends, it wasn’t something that ever really came up.

“I feel…” She stopped, trying to describe it. “It’s like, heavy, everywhere’s heavy… And my stomach’s all knotted and there’s this fog in my head whenever I think about them…” She said in a hushed tone, rubbing the sides of her temple with her fingers, the black nail polish she had painted on them for that damned party last week now chipped.

“I… I think that’s guilt.” Willie said slowly, and Y/N opened her eyes.

“Guilt? You say it like I’m some sort of robot, Willie.”

“Well, before you met Luke… You sort of were.” He admitted, prompting a soft ‘oh’ to escape her lips. “I mean… You…” Willie tried to back track, but he couldn’t: Y/N needed to hear this. “No… Before a month ago, you were soulless. And considering that’s all you’ve got left…” He sighed, and Y/N just nodded in agreement.

“I just… I never felt like I was doing anything wrong before…” She confessed, her voice barely a whisper, and Willie nodded.

“Yeah… For a while, neither did I.” He agreed. This wasn’t their first time playing tempter and temptress for the club. It wasn’t the first time they had done bad things because they were told to, because they wanted to.

A jolt hit Y/N in the chest, causing her to groan and grip the side of her chair, Willie’s hands reaching out to help, but she shook her head.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.”

“So you keep saying, Y/N. And yet, here we are.” Willie reminded, receiving a harsh glare and weak punch in the arm. “I love you; I’ll see you later, alright?” He promised, and Y/N nodded gently, waving him off.

He glanced back once more, double-checking, but the seat was empty, Y/N already gone. It caused him to frown, but with Alex in his head Willie vanished from the club floor, landing in… A concert venue. Alex was sat on the couch beside him, twirling a drumstick between his fingers, eyes trained on the stage. He seemed to be lost in a memory, smiling softly to himself as his eyes lost focus. Willie flashed over, taking his place by Alex’s side with a sigh.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked, Alex looking over with a forlorn expression. He didn’t say anything in response, instead letting out a heavy breath and letting his legs swing for a moment, his eyes wandering over the room. Willie felt his hands clenching at the sight of Alex so sad, though he couldn’t do much about it.

“This whole thing sucks…” Alex softly said a few seconds later, the pair sharing a look Willie couldn’t hold.

“Yeah, I messed up.” He had been reminding himself of it over the past week quite often, usually in the company of Y/N. They would talk around it a lot, one time she had even offered some suggestions to getting their deal changed with Caleb.

“No, it’s like you said… You didn’t have a choice.” Alex reminded, both looking down at the stamps on their arms. “Caleb owns your soul, Willie…”

“No, still, I know what he’s capable of. I brought you guys right to him.” Willie’s eyes finally looked up at Alex. “When you guys asked me, I should’ve just skated away.” He said definitively, and Alex quirked a smile.

“I would have still followed you.” He responded, leaning closer to Willie for a moment before swaying back. “He would have found us one way or another… You’re not the bad guy, Willie…”

“Just friends with the people who are…” He sighed. “How… How are they doing, your friends?” He asked, and Alex rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh.

“Reggie is Reggie… Luke is… Angry? I think we all are but he… He’s spent the past week trying and failing at plans to help us cross over. I think he’s distracting himself.” He admitted to Willie, who nodded in understanding, no doubt in Alex’s mind that maybe Y/N had been distracting herself too. The bandmates all knew that this place, this was their end goal, but after Luke had made the connection last week he had been trying to find other ‘unfinished business’ options: something more attainable.

“Man…” Willie sighed, turning his body to face Alex better. “I would do anything to take back what I did to you.” It was a promise, even though the damage had been done, and Alex could tell he meant it. Another jolt coursed through Alex, his second that day, and Willie moved back in mild shock, watching the drummer hold his side. “I’m so sorry…” Willie muttered again. “I mean, did you guys figure out what your unfinished business is?” He asked, hoping for some good news, but was met with a tired scoff from Alex.

“It’s not like it’s going to happen…” He informed the skater, his eyes travelling around the venue once more, “We have to play here.” Alex finally revealed, and Willie looked around the room with Alex, not quite sure he had heard the boy correctly.

“The… The Orpheum?” He asked, deadpan, not quite sure if he was being serious: it was one of the biggest spots in Hollywood, alumni of the place were music royalty…

“Yeah, I mean, we were two hours away on that stage the night we died.” Alex pointed as he spoke, his hand dropping down as Willie uttered the following words.

“You guys were gonna be legends…”

“Yeah… We were…”

--

Willie’s concern for Y/N’s wellbeing was warranted: the jolts had been getting worse and more frequent, happening at least four time a day now; and she hadn’t spoken much about how she was feeling to him. Y/N knew Luke was angry, she was upset because of it, but tried her best not to show it. Last thing anyone needed was her teary-eyed and weak.

However, without the emotional outlet, Y/N had to find something else to do, find a distraction: find a new friend.

So, for the last week, Y/N had found herself at Los Feliz High School, quite literally shadowing Julie through the day. The first time, it had actually been a surprise to them both: Y/N had found herself wandering LA on Monday morning when she found herself at the steps to Los Feliz high: her own alma mater.

She walked around by herself for an hour or so, taking in how the school had changed in 25 years: there was certainly more than a coat of paint added, in fact the whole building had been renovated. Walls that were once dull greys and greens had become white, with splashes of red and blue scattered around. The ceilings had been opened up with skylights, making the whole space feel bigger; the cafeteria building was an entire new piece of infrastructure.

It was bizarre, to walk the halls and see smiling faces as if high school wasn’t the worst time of someone’s life… At least, for her it was.

Julie walked through her, actually, during lunch, as she and Flynn had headed for the music rooms to sneak in some practice. She had apologised to thin air, prompting Flynn to give her a funny look, and Y/N to laugh in response. After a brief explanation in the solitude of the band room, Julie insisted that she show Y/N around.

And that was how it had been, every day since. Y/N showed up to school around the same time every day, and followed Julie around her classes, allowed a look into a world she could barely remember being a part of. Y/N found Julie that day in maths class, appearing with a flash of light sat atop of Julie’s neighbouring classmate’s desk, sending the poor kid’s papers to the floor.

“Sorry I’m late, Willie held me up…” Y/N explained, receiving a smile in response. She knew Julie couldn’t talk back to her; she didn’t mind: more glad to be seen than anything. A glance around the room, students with their heads down scribbling furiously as their teacher paced at the board, make it pretty clear to Y/N that there was a test ongoing. “Oh… Sorry, I forgot about this.” She scolded herself for forgetting, Julie had mentioned it the day before, but with Luke and everything else on her mind, it had slipped through the cracks. “Did you study for this?” She asked Julie quickly, earning a quick shake of the head from the girl, who sighed and rubbed her temple in frustration.

Julie’s dad had told her that her grades needed to stay up if she wanted to keep singing with the guys, and Julie had been trying hard to balance it all: but it was math, and her teacher was horrid, it was only a matter of time before she showed up at home with a D in the subject.

“How about, I make up for intruding?” Y/N offered, and Julie glanced up with a raised eyebrow, curious. “Look, it’s a temporary fix, sure, but… You have an invisible friend, four in fact, you might as well use them.” Julie watched with wide eyes as the ghost girl walked to the front of her class, right through her teacher, and sat down at his desk, right where the answer sheet sat. “Oh wow, they really need to update their algebra exams… I’m pretty sure I did this exact paper in 94…” Y/N commented, and Julie had to stifle a giggle. “Wait… Is that Mr Norbert?!” Y/N exclaimed, looking back at the teacher. “He got fat… And bald… You know, he made this test to bump down kids’ GPAs…” She muttered, and Julie found herself clearing her throat. She wasn’t one to cheat at anything, but the test was impossible, and after Y/N clarified that it had been impossible since the 90s, the help would be more than appreciated. “Right, right… Make sure to mark some wrong, go for a… B+ average.” Y/N reminded, scooting the chair forward a little to start reading the answers, causing more than a few heads to look up at the noise. “Ok, number one is A. Number two is C. Number three is…”

--

Over the past week, Julie and Y/N had found themselves in a budding friendship.

It was unconventional, of course, but Y/N was sort of like the big sister Julie never had: Y/N 6 months on her alive and 25 years dead, so she was quite full of useful tid-bits, especially when she was looking for insights into ghost life, or insights into guys. And for Y/N, with Julie’s bandmates certainly hating her, and thanks to no-one wanting to give the girl bad news, she had the chance to make some proper girlfriends, both of Julie and Flynn, and still be connected to the guys, to Luke, even if it was second-hand.

The school day was coming to a close, and after Y/N’s help with her math test, Julie not only felt closer to the mysterious girl who had entered her life only a few weeks ago, but curious to know more: sure, the boys were dopey and a little reckless sometimes, but by the way Y/N talked, the way she dressed, it seemed to Julie that her newest ghostly companion was accustomed to bending the rules a little more than often.

“Hey.” Julie held her phone as she stood by her locker, sorting her books and essentials before the walk home, Y/N leaning on the lockers beside her, her fingers subconsciously moving through the air, like she was playing something no one but her could hear and see. “Y/N.” She said again, the girl knocked from her trance, looking over with a smile and a bounce in her body.

“Julie?” She responded, only for her face to change at the something behind her friend. “Julie.” She said again, gesturing for the girl to turn around. Julie spun on the stop, coming face to face with none other than Nick. She quickly dropped the phone from her ear, pretending to end the call and smiling sweetly at her crush. “You know, he looks better in daylight, and you really can’t say that about many people.”

“Mind if I get an autograph?” Nick asked with a smirk and a toss of his hair, earning an ‘awe’ from behind Julie’s ear.

“I’ll have to check with security.” Julie played along, glancing around, and doing her very best to not focus on the 90s grunge rocker girl ghost dancing around behind her in excitement: perhaps she was more like the guys than Julie thought. “Oh look, I don’t have any.”

“You say that, but after that performance last week, it’s pretty clear… You guys are gonna blow up.” He responded with a genuine smile, and Julie felt her heart flutter a little before reminding herself to not get big headed.

“It was just a garage party. Don’t go all crazy on me.” She dismissed his comment with a wave, but the smile was still there.

“He’s right, you know.” Y/N spoke from behind before circling the kid, pinching his denim jacket, and stopping for a moment. “You know, he looks like he’s in a modern Oasis tribute band. I like it.”

“Yeah, about that…” Nick pulled at the ends of his sleeves, and Julie couldn’t stop the blush rising to her cheeks. He had kissed her that night, and the pair hadn’t really had a chance to talk since. “Since we make such a good team, dance partners and all that, I was wondering if… If…” He laughed nervously, and Julie leaned forward a little. “Do you wanna maybe-”

“Yes.” Julie replied before he even finished the question, and Nick looked surprised.

“You-you do?” He asked. “You wanna go on a date?” He clarified, and Julie nodded, making sure her eyes didn’t drift to the celebrations Y/N was performing in the background. “Great! Uh, I’ll text you! We can schedule around the band practices, of course… Do you like Italian food?” Nick rambled a little, and Julie let out a sweet laugh.

“I do. But yeah, definitely send me a text.” She grinned from ear to ear as Nick walked off, a skip in the boy’s step.

“Uh, finally! I’ve been waiting a week for that kid to ask you out.” Y/N sighed in relief, watching the kid walk out towards the parking lot. It felt nice, for a moment, to not be focused on death and gloom and work, it felt nice to be a kid again. For a while, Y/N had forgotten what it felt like. “He’s been waiting to ask you for a while…” She said softly, and Julie tried to hide her blushing. Unfortunately for her, not only Y/N had noticed it.

“Well, that wasn’t just a what’s up…” Flynn saddled on over with an expectant smile on her face and the fashion sense of kings.

“Oh, that skirt…” Y/N stood by Flynn’s side, comparing the colour to her own skin tone as Julie watched on, amused.

“What? What’s happening?” Flynn asked, stiffening up. “Or are you just pretending one of them is here to avoid telling me what nick asked you?” She asked, still not moving, and Julie shook her head as she laughed.

“He asked me out, first off, and I said yes… And second, Y/N likes your skirt, so if it goes missing at some point.” Julie mumbled the last part, earning a ‘hey!’ from the ghost. “Come round after dinner?” Julie asked Flynn, who nodded, the pair embracing and parting ways, the former with a ghost tagged to her side.

“I’ll walk you to the door.” Y/N shrugged, sauntering beside the girl with a smile, reminding Julie of what she planned to ask before Nick had appeared.

“Do you want to come over?” She asked, earning an odd look from someone before quickly smiling and tapping her ear, pretending to be on wireless earphones. She quickly puled her phone back out and held it to her ear. “I mean, I’m sure the guys would want to see you…”

“Actually…” Y/N said softly, and Julie stopped to examine the look on her friend’s face. “It’s… Luke and I had an argument, the more I avoid the guys, the better.” She lied, but she had a knack for being convincing.

“Well, then I get you all to myself.” Julie said decidedly, and Y/N smiled weakly at her, that feeling for the morning returning: she felt guilty again, and she was half-convinced she’d have to ghost vomit, whatever that looked like.

Their walk home was refreshing, the first time Y/N had walked somewhere in a while, and comfortably quiet. Neither felt the need to talk much, Julie humming every once and a while to herself, both just enjoying the quality time.

They came round the garage to get to the house, Y/N’s eyes lingering for a moment on the doors before following Julie inside, only to get through the door and be walked straight through by Julie’s dad, who ran passed with Julie’s little brother Carlos on his heels, the second carrying two baguettes as he went.

“Dad?” Julie called after them, mouthing a quick ‘sorry’ to Y/N before following them into the kitchen, leaving the ghost alone in the entryway. Julie rounded the corner and raised an eyebrow at her dad and brother’s antics. “French dip?”

“Carlos found an old recipe; we think it belongs to the ghost haunting us.” Ry told his daughter with a wink, and Julie nodded quickly.

“Well, enjoy. If you need me I’ll be upstairs.” She informed with a wave of her hand, heading back for the entryway only to find Y/N stood at her dining room table, staring rather intensely into a box sat on the wood. “You… You all good Y/N?” She asked, the noise coming from the kitchen allowing her to speak freely.

Y/N’s head tilted, and her hand reached out to the CD sat amongst the box’s contents. There was something about it that seemed familiar, though she couldn’t place it, and as her fingers travelled through the object, she heard her name called.

“What?” Her head snapped up, and she smiled at Julie. “Sorry, sorry… In my own little world today. Meet you upstairs?” She suggested, disappearing before Julie could say otherwise. With a roll of the eyes, Julie climbed her stairs and entered her room, closing the door behind her and finding Y/N laid out on her bed.

“If Flynn and the guys weren’t enough, I need to worry about you stealing my bed too?” Julie asked with a laugh, Y/N propping herself up on her elbows.

“It’s a really comfy bed… Sort of your fault.” She shrugged, sitting herself up and crossing her legs as she sat at the foot of the bed. “You know, you’ve got a very… You, room.” She complimented, and Julie grinned.

“I’m a fan of butterflies.” She gestured around her, Y/N nodding as her eyes wandered: there had to be dozens of the creatures depicted in the room. It filled her with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, something Y/N had felt a lot more often than she thought normal the past few weeks: but it was different…

Half of the time, there was nothing there to remember.

“You know, I had another friend who liked butterflies too… Rosalee.” Y/N said softly, the words unexpected. Julie sat on the bed across from her, grabbing a pillow and holding it to her chest, preparing for a story. Y/N had developed a habit of telling Julie tales about her best moments at the club, her best moments as a ghost, the reaction was reasonable. But Y/N was confused by the words, not quite sure what corner of her mind they had come from, though her lips kept moving. “Well, I called her Rosalee… Everyone else called her Rose. Her parents, our friends… But I had gotten her name wrong the first time I met her, and I couldn’t let it go… She looked like a Rosalee.” Y/N recalled, running a hand over her heart. “She was… So kind, and so funny. And she had this love of butterflies. They were everywhere: her jewellery, her clothes, her car.” Y/N let out a laugh at the thought of her.

“She told me about why she liked them so much once, something about her abuela telling her a story about them, that butterflies were this symbol of rebirth, resurrection, change.” And like that, Y/N came back from whatever place she had travelled to, glancing down at her hands: they had been moving while she spoke. “It’s funny, she was so stubborn… Maybe the butterflies were to remind her that change happens even when you don’t want it.”

“Were you friends with her when you…” Julie asked, speaking up for the first time in a while, but quickly trailing off, not wanting to be so blunt. The message was clear though, and Y/N answered her question with a nod.

“You know, I’d forgotten about her… You spend 25 years building a new life and you forget the old one.” Y/N said softly, sniffing as she thought, another image to her. “She wasn’t perfect, but she was pretty close… And my mom loved her.”

“Moms have that ability, don’t they? When my mom met Flynn, they hit it off right away.” Julie offered, lying back on the bed, Y/N following suit, so they were both staring at the ceiling. “It’s like some sort of sixth sense, picking out the good friends from the bad.”

“Tell me about her… Your, your mom.” Y/N asked, catching Julie smiling from the corner of her eye.

“She was my world...” Julie whispered, hugging the pillow tighter. “She always had energy, and she sang like… And had this heart that just loved everything and everyone it could.” Y/N closed her eyes and imagined Julie’s mom in her head, trying to picture her, though the image wasn’t clear. “She could write music too… We spent so much time together in the studio. She taught me piano, how to sing… She was the best. Sometimes I swear she’s still around. There are mornings… Mornings when I go downstairs and I can still hear her laughing with dad and Carlos, or late at night, I can hear her watching telenovelas in secret.” Julie blinked away the tears, turning to her side to look at Y/N. “What about your mom?”

“Ah… I wish my story were as nice as yours.” Y/N sighed. “I don’t really remember her anymore, and what I can is… Not very nice. I don’t think she was a bad person; I just think that once I had grown up a little too much, she started hating me… Everything I did was wrong, you know? And then they kicked me out, and I died… I don’t think she would have said that if she knew what was going to happen but…” Y/N shrugged. “I can’t really change it now… Both gotta deal with it.”

“Did you ever visit, after you died? That’s what Luke does.” Julie asked, and Y/N shook her head.

“Looked for them in the yellow pages once, but I think they moved out of LA after I died…” Y/N said, pausing for a moment as she processed the last of what Julie had said. “What do you mean that’s what Luke does.”

“Well, you both left on bad terms with your parents… He doesn’t think we know, but he goes to see them a lot…” Julie said softly, sighing. “He went on his birthday, Alex and Reggie took me along… He was just…”

“Luke’s birthday?” Y/N sat up, Julie giving her more and more to process.

“The day we played the bar downtown, yeah… Did he not tell you?” Julie furrowed her brow, and Y/N shook her head.

“Never came up…” She sighed, getting up and walking towards the window. How could she not have known about his birthday, about his parents? Of course, he didn’t know her, not really. “The song I like… Unsaid Emily?”

“About his mom, yeah.” Julie confirmed the thought for Y/N, who just nodded, moving away from the window after spotting movement, worried it might have been one of the boys. Julie watched her, racking her brain, and stopping on a thought. “I have an idea.” She announced, and Y/N looked at her from across the room. “Well, you’ve been helping me out all week, why don’t I help you back? Luke wrote out the song, I have a copy of it. What if I take it to his parents? Ask Luke to come with me, and when he asks, I tell him it was because of you. You two can patch things up, back to happy Luke again.” Julie proposed, and Y/N let out a sad laugh.

“I appreciate the gesture… I don’t think it’ll do much for me, but you should go anyway…” Y/N encouraged, watching Julie pick herself up off the bed to get ready. “Emily deserves to hear her song.”

--

Part Six is here...

--

Tags: @im-a-writer-right​ @elioelioeli0​ @jenjen889​ @walkingonshunshine​ @parkeret​ @lolychu​ @leahstypewriter​ @j-mar-memester​ @sunsetcurve-h​ @musicconversedance​ @gracefulpenguin​ @shae-is-not-ok​ @talksoprettyjjx​ @smol-book-nerd​ @lord-of-the-fried​ @siennanoelle01​ @deadpoolgirl23​ @theatricalfangirl​ @deepsleepnat @hhyunj1n​ @lovesanimals @oswin05 @ifilwtmfc @crappy-unicorn @eries45 @noncannonships​

#luke patterson #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #jatp luke x reader #jatp luke #jatp #julie and the phantoms #fanfiction #fanfic #jatp au #reader insert #the other side of hollywood #luke patterson fluff #fluff #fantom

[adiwriting]

So I’m going to preface this by saying that I love Jeanine, Tyler, Vlamis, Heather, Trevenio… the entire cast. I love this cast, but they are human and like most of us, they make mistakes at times. None of them are perfect.

Still, it’s okay to hold people accountable for their mistakes. We don’t have to cancel somebody over them, but it doesn’t make you an anti-fan to question an actors questionable actions and ask them to do better next time. And herein lies the reason for why I’ve been so uncomfortable lately in fandom spaces (fandom spaces in general, but for today, I’m talking about RNM). Fandom has this unhealthy culture where you either stan somebody so hard they can do no wrong and excuse every mistake, or we cancel somebody over a single mistake. We don’t allow actors, writers, anyone in the business to be human… and because of that, I don’t think we leave much room to grow.

2020 has been a year many deeply seeded issues in our country have finally started to receive the spotlight they deserve - racism being one of them. And in that, I’ve been doing a lot of reading about the importance of calling people in rather than calling people out. But I’ve also been reading about how we as a society have to do better about calling out racism wherever we see it.

It’s alright to question your favorite show and still watch it. It is not out of line to question things like why the show allowed themselves to write a storyline that put a black woman in the middle of a queer endgame ship as if nobody could have guessed that it would pit the queer community (another oppressed group) against the only black woman on the show. I don’t think it’s out of line for a fandom to question why the show was allowing so much torture porn for their queer characters. Or ask if the show considered casting a disabled actor to play a disabled character.

If we don’t ask these questions, how is change ever going to happen? It doesn’t mean we have to stop watching (though it’s valid if you do). It doesn’t mean that we harass the show’s cast and crew to the point of being mean. We can criticize actions without criticizing people.

So that brings me to the point I’m trying to make… Or perhaps the question I’m trying to ask.

This past month, we learned from Tyler Blackburn himself that he is not Native. Now, before everyone jumps down my throat about DNA testing, let’s look at the facts Tyler himself gave us. On the Pretty Little Wine Moms podcast, Tyler informed us that he took a DNA test during S1 of RNM and discovered he has no native blood. One of the moms was quick to point out that those tests aren’t always accurate especially if they don’t have much native DNA to test you against. I’m not here to argue that fact or argue the accuracy of DNA testing that tribes themselves rarely use for determining membership. I’m here to discuss what he explained afterwards.

Way back when PLL was casting for Caleb, the casting called for an ethnic actor. Tyler went up for the part. He didn’t get it originally because he wasn’t ethnic and the show was looking to expand it’s diversity. Now, things should have ended there. The show should have been able to find a POC to play Caleb. The casting team should have held to their promise to bring in a more diverse cast and regardless of Tyler’s background, cast a POC, specifically a non-white passing actor. Nobody can tell me that there wasn’t a single POC talented enough to play that part. If they couldn’t find one, they weren’t looking hard enough. And that’s a big red flag on that PLL team and to Hollywood as a whole because these stories are so common and why Hollywood has such a deep problem with race.

The fact that Tyler was cast instead of a POC is a problem with the PLL casting team. But back to Tyler. The PLL team came back to him after they couldn’t find anyone to play Caleb and asked him if he was ethnic. Tyler, not knowing if he was ethnic (pointing to the fact that he had no connection to any non-white culture) went to his grandmother. And his grandmother told him a story. A story many of us have heard… A story of his native american heritage. A heritage that he didn’t know of or have a connection to until he suddenly was up for a job. And a heritage he claimed in order to get a job intended for an “ethnic” actor.

Does Tyler really have native heritage? He claims no. In his own words he says that he’s not native. Even if his grandmother was right, he’s at most 1/32 native with no tribal or cultural connection. But even that seemed like a giant question mark since the people he would need to ask to verify have all passed.

Tyler was cast as Caleb, and later cast as Alex, based in part to a native background he claimed for himself that he now says is not part of his culture or heritage.

This isn’t a stain on Tyler. It’s questionable behavior of a white boy raised in a society that has been racist since it’s founding. We are all guilty of committing racist acts because of this upbringing. It’s not mean to say that Tyler’s actions were questionable and racist. It’s fact. Doesn’t mean I can’t love and forgive him, but it does mean I’m no longer going to allow myself to use “But Tyler is native” as a defense against my own racist comments towards other cast members. And I would hope the same would hold true for the rest of this fandom as well. It’s simply not true and unfair to anyone that actually is indigenous to allow ourselves to defend Tyler as a POC. Especially when we have other cast members of the show who are native with tribal connections. And cast members of color who are repeated cast as villains on the show or otherwise put into very difficult positions that invite racial hate.

I hold the show accountable for casting a white-passing boy as a native. When they decided to cast Tyler, they should have changed his heritage and his disability. Or they should have cast somebody more diverse. That’s on the casting team. 

I’m hoping that Tyler’s admission on this podcast means that he will no longer allow himself to be cast as a POC, taking jobs away from POC who still struggle in Hollywood cause of racism. I hope he learns and grows from this cause I think he’s a great person and a great role model and has the platform to push others to do better.

My frustration with fandom comes in the fact that this podcast and admission has gone ignored. Even those that heard the admission, continue to make excuses for him and defend their right to call Tyler (Not Alex, TYLER) a POC. Yet, other actors continue to not get the same freedom to be human to make mistakes. Vlamis is dragged over the coals for profiting off of the LGBTQ community. I don’t even know if I can go into how badly Heather is treated. I guess I’m just confused why we can forgive some of our cast and not others for very questionable decisions?

I’m not here to drag Tyler. I love the guy. He’s a good Alex. I’m just tired of the double standard and the racism I constantly see in this community. I love this show and I love this cast. I’m not trying to call anyone out, I’m just hoping to call us in and ask our show, cast, crew, and fandom to do better.

#Roswell New Mexico #privledge #a commentary on fandom #A commentary on the show #Genuine love #but wanting the entire community to do better

[barry-j-blupjeans]

TAZ Balance Fic Recs

I’m making this 90% because I love these fics and the world needs to know and 10% because I need help finding them once I’ve read them. Let’s begin!! (I will not be tagging authors because I only know a few writers on this list, but if anyone else wants to tag them, feel free :>)

Refractory - Written by Nesswrites on Ao3 - Rated T 

Refractory adj. (rih-frack-tuh-ree) 1. Stubborn or unmanageable. 2. Resistant to a process or stimulus.

Kravitz, a young orthopedic surgeon, is thrust into what feels like a different reality when he meets psychiatric patient, Taako. In a strange flurry of events, he finds himself being drawn toward this man, spending more and more time in a department that he used to hate and becoming invested in a patient who isn't one of his own.

Taako, an in-denial anorexia patient, is forced into a long-term hospital stay by friends and family who worry about his waning health. When he meets an attractive doctor from another wing, he begins to wonder if maybe this was the star-crossed love that he was always destined for. At least, that's what hundreds of episodes of Grey's Anatomy taught him.

In other words, the hospital drama nobody wanted but everyone got

I just really love this fic, guys, there’s not a lot I can say. It’s well written

Bury the Lead - Written by marywhale on Ao3 - Rated T

Taako’s senior year at Neverwinter High could be going better. Faced with a choice between joining the school’s floundering newspaper or being expelled, he opts for a career in journalism.

Lucretia, the paper’s editor, kind of wishes he'd gone the other way.

As the first TAZ fic I ever read in my life, this was really good. Even if it wasn’t the first fic I ever read, I still would love it. It captivated me in a way I didn’t think fics could.

Seven Raptors - Written by DragonWrites on Ao3 - Rated M

In a distant plane, Fate brings together seven scientists and explorers, who set out to explore the unknown and find themselves on a mission to save all of existence.

In another, far harsher plane, Fate brings those same seven together again. But these Seven Birds have been shaped by a crueler, much less forgiving world. These Seven Raptors are the villains in their story.

And when the two flocks meet, each of the Seven Birds must come face to face with who they might have been--who they might still become--if they let the darkness consume them.

I’ve had an idea in my head for a while of the birds meeting themselves but on a different plane? And this fic makes that idea so much more than I ever thought it could be. The first chapter really drew me in and I read it all in one night (with help from insomnia).

More below the cut!!

Serendipity and it’s inconspicuous faults - Written by TasteofDeath of Ao3 - Rated G

The morning after Angus comes home with a sore tummy and a stomach bug, things are starting to get better.

Or, Angus’ fathers have a fun time loving their little boy and a not so fun time worrying about his health

This is absolutely the cutest fic I’ve ever read. It made me tear up but in the good way. Also everything by TasteofDeath is amazing, check them out.

From the blackest room - Written by FordRiverBlues - Rated M

The authorities on a new plane mistake Barry for an enemy spy. They want information he doesn't have. Barry just wants to survive.

What can I say, I like angst. I’ve spent long hours thinking about this fic. Barry is a comfort character of mine and apparently I love seeming my comfort characters going through hard stuff. It’s just a good fic, my dudes.

The Sweetest, Dorkiest Love - Written by ceilingfan5 - Rated G

Anxious about giving Taako the perfect Valentine's present, Kravitz trades Lup two weeks of night shifts so she'll teach him how to make chocolates. It doesn't go as planned, but love wins out anyway.

Okay listen. I just said I liked angst buuUUUT - Heck, this fic is so soft and I really love and it made me cry because they’re just so soft.

All the Things You Prayed For - Written by anonymousAlchemist and marywhale - Rated T

Taako's been dead for two years. Taako's been dead for seven decades. Depends how you count it.

Her brother is dead and Lup’s a whole lifetime into the future. It’s a brave new world out there and she’s trying not to think about it too hard. She gets the feeling that if she starts thinking, she won’t ever stop, and she can’t afford to be out of commission. She's the only Captain America the new century’s got.

Lup is Cap, Taako fell from a train, and eventually all ghosts come in from the cold. You guessed it—it's a TAZ/Marvel shakeup baby. We're bringing the party to you.

If you’ve been anywhere on tumblr, you’ve heard some mention of this fic and for good reason!! I’m not into any superhero stuff so it took a while to read it because I didn’t think I’d understand it. But honestly? You don’t need to know anything about any superhero to read this. It’s written excellently and I really like it.

It's Difficult To Learn About Yourself When You Didn't Know You Could - Written by Casual_Scribbles - No rating

He licks his lips, running his knuckle along the spiral binding of his notebook. “I was reading my Caleb Cleaveland books – some of the newer ones, where he's a teenager – and one of the characters that were introduced was, um, they’re nonbinary. And I- I've heard of that before, but I didn't know a lot about it, so I looked it up.” He looks up and Miss Lup is listening to him attentively, her ears perked up. She nods at him.

“And I found out- I thought it was just one thing, ma'am,” he feels bolder, having seen the encouragement on her face. “But it's not. It’s a lot- it's so many things, Miss Lup! And I was looking through them and I just- some of them felt really familiar. Like- like I knew exactly what the writer was trying to say and I-”

(They'd been more than familiar. They'd been-)

No. They weren’t his.

Angus struggles to come to terms with something new he learns about himself, but thankfully his family is there to support him.

Non-binary Angus!!! Non-binary Angus!!!!!!! That’s all I have to say!!! Read it!!!!

Back to Wonderland - Written by OhWowAltMal - Rated G

When lich twins Edward and Lydia pull a trick far too convincing for Taakos liking, he may have found himself panicking and making some rash decisions. Just a little, though.

He definitely doesn't break the umbrastaff in half, looking for his (real?) sister.

An alternative look at the live show in Orleans, and how it could have gone.

This idea was something I didn’t even think of but I love it so much?? Half of me wishes this is what really happened, but they write the characters so well that it feels like it did.

I Know I've Kissed You Before - Written by Desiree_Harding - Rated T

"He thinks, one day, that maybe what he’s been feeling is the urge to show Kravitz, really show him, how much Taako cares about him. To make it… official. That he’s not going anywhere. Because Kravitz doesn’t live off of implications like Taako does, and maybe Taako’s a little tired of making him translate.

Maybe Taako wants to do a little bit of the work for him, just once."

AKA The story of how Taako and Kravitz got married alone in their kitchen on Candlenights (on purpose they swear)

This??? Is incredible?? It’s a (long winded but worth it) process of Taakitz proposing. I have no words, truly.

Six Years - Written by WritingIsMyCoffee and zumbah_plumbah - Rated T

Six years ago, Taako was kicked out of culinary school for an altercation between him and his roommate, forever crushing his lifelong dream of becoming a chef.

Six years ago, Merle was fiddling with the ring on his finger that he no longer needed to wear.

Six years ago, Magnus was sitting beside a hospital bed and holding his wife's hand.

Now, Taako is burdened with the struggles of raising a ten year old. Merle is wondering whether or not he wants that ring to become an obligation. Magnus is struggling to overcome the grieving process. For the past six years, the three of them have been running away from their problems and the reasons that brought them to where they currently are. Now they will be forced to face the music and deal with what happened in the past in order to move on.

FUCK!!! Fuck this made me cry?? I really like it. I really really like it. It’s so raw and emotional. All the characters fit perfectly.

synecdoche - Written by androids_fighting93 - Rated M

Echoes of the seven of them stretch into infinity, and now there’s Kravitz, a parallel line that they keep crossing despite all physical laws. Taako can see how they are bound together, he and Lup and the rest of the crew, white shimmering cords that stretch between them, between himself and Kravitz, and every aspect of Kravitz and every aspect of the Raven Queen in every world, all existing simultaneously. The Light falling to countless worlds at once, the Hunger descending over it all, the same patterns into infinity and nothing to stop it except for a silver ship, a bright beacon, unique among it all. He can see all of it.

They’re hunted by two immensely powerful creatures now, the Hunger and the Raven Queen’s servant. It's too bad Taako can't seem to stay out of harm's way.

I read this again recently and it broke my heart all over again. The idea is wonderful, the writing is even better. Please go read this fic!!!

#vic speaks #taz balance #taz #taz fic #taz fic rec #The Adventure Zone #the adventure zone balance

[calebdumes]

I wrote a lil something at work again. (I promise, I do actually do my job) It fits in with my last Inquisitor!Kanan thing that I wrote. Took some liberties and fudged the timeline in the Kanan comic but I just wanted some Kanan and Ahsoka jedi friendship stuff so this with what I did. Again, I don’t know if it’s going to go anywhere but it sure helps the day go by. Anywho, I’d love to know what you think!

Fandom: Star Wars: Rebels

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.7K

~

Exhaustion pulled at Ahsoka as she and Hera made their way down the long corridor of Phoenix Home. The loud klaxon of the security alarm had finally been silenced but she could still feel the vibrations echoing through the tips of her montrals. Her arms felt like lead weights, her feet dragged on the scuffed floor but still she pushed on. The main threat might have been taken care of but there was still one left. 

Hera didn't seem to be faring any better. Her green lekku hung slack against her head and her shoulders held a certain type of weariness that only came after battle. But like Ahsoka, her eyes were sharp with anticipation. She knew just as well that not everyone was accounted for.

Up ahead the blast doors leading to the brig were sealed shut. Ahsoka could feel the darkness creeping through the heavy durasteel doors, it's cold tendrils sliding off of her like oil making her shiver. Her hands reached for her lightsabers, their weight a comfort as she grew closer to the encroaching darkness. 

Hera held her blaster close to her chest as she darted towards the door control. She looked at Ahsoka waiting for confirmation. Ahsoka took a brief moment to breathe deep and find her center. The darkside was thick here - it spoke of violence, of death. She didn't know what she would find behind the sealed door but she did know that what she did find wasn't going to be good. 

Ahsoka nodded to Hera, igniting her lightsabers and holding them at the ready. The doors slid open with a silent hiss revealing a darkened hallway cast in the eerie red glow from the emergency lights. The normally pristine white of the walls were stained with blood and ichor. All around at their feet were the bodies of the inquisitors. 

Beside her, Hera gagged, covering her mouth with one hand. Ahsoka could feel her own stomach revolt at the sight. But what drew her eye was the figure slouching against the wall. She picked her way over to him, stepping over severed limbs and discarded lightsabers. 

The inquisitor was bloodied, dark hair matted with the thick substance. There was a nasty gash that ran down the length of his face, his sharp nose was broken and blood dribbled from his cracked lips. Ahsoka dragged her eyes down his dark uniform, catching on the way he held his middle protectively and the odd way his left leg was angled. 

"Is he alive?" Hera asked. Her hope rang bright and true, cutting through the inky stench of the darkside. She wanted this inquisitor to live for some reason. In fact, she had been the only one standing in defense of the inquisitor when he had been brought onboard. Ahsoka had learned through her travels with the Ghost Crew, Hera always saw the good in people, even those as dark as an inquisitor.

And yet, there was a part of her that agreed with Hera. For some reason Ahsoka didn't quite understand, she wanted him to survive as well. There was something familiar about him, something she sensed under all that fear he wrapped around himself like armor that resonated within her. She crouched down near his body and placed two fingers against his throat feeling for a pulse. His strange blue green eyes snapped open at the contact. 

"Easy". she said as calmly as she could. The Force swelled around her as the Inquisitor pulled it to his aid. It faltered moments later leaving the man panting in uneven, hitching breaths. "Easy."

There was a wild, glassy look to his eyes as they roamed aimlessly around the blood soaked hallway. Fever bright and hanging on the edge of oblivion. They came into focus as they landed on Hera and then Ahsoka herself. 

"Tried-" he started, wincing as if words caused him physical pain. "Stop - them." The inquisitor struggled to form the words but his meaning was clear. The carnage that lay around them was his handiwork.  

"I'd said you succeeded in that Inquisitor." she gestured to the destruction that was the hallway. 

The inquisitor shook his head. "Not my n-" 

Whatever he was trying to say was lost in his sharp gasp of pain. He removed the arm that was protecting his middle, revealing a deep gash that nearly bisected him. with a shaking hand he struggled to remove one of his thick gloves. Several of his fingers were broken, Ahsoka noticed as he held out his damaged hand looking at her pleadingly. 

Cautiously she took the inquisitor's hand into her own and felt her mind ripped from her body. 

She was standing in a training dojo, back at the Jedi temple, the white room glowing with sunlight. Ahsoka stood in awe for a moment, the familiar sights and smells of home flooding her senses. Even in the Inquisitors mind she could feel the energy of the Temple, the Force moving around her in a gentle current. Her heart ached. 

In the center of the room there was a group of younglings sparring with wooden sabers. A boy, impossibly small and with a shock of dark hair was knocked to the ground by one of his training partners. Instead of helping the child to his feet, they laughed at him. Self righteous anger flooded through her at the sight but before she could take a step forward someone else came into view. 

Ahsoka took a step backward in surprise. A younger version of herself crouched down to pull the youngling to his feet. She couldn't have been more than fourteen years old given the thin beaded chain that ran down her back lekku.

"You shouldn't be laughing." her younger self said her voice full of the self righteousness that she had felt moments ago. "A Jedi helps those in need. They don't push them down."

The boy's training partners looked away, ashamed. "Sorry Padawan Tano." they replied before scurrying from the room, their practice sabers clattering to the ground. 

The boy looked up at her younger self with naked adoration. He had the same strange blue green eyes as the Inquisitor. "Thank you Padawan Tano." he said in his small little voice. 

"Call me Ahsoka." the memory of her said with a warm smile. 

"I'm Caleb."

The room around her shifted in a grey haze. Soon she found herself in the Temple commissary. Outside the tall windows that lined the circular hall there was the purple tint of night. The lights of the speeders and hovercraft moved like shooting stars. The hall was empty save for the two figures seated at one of the long tables. 

It was the boy, Caleb, from the dojo sitting across from another version of herself. They both looked older than they had in the last memory but still impossibly young. Her younger self  seemed tired but she was following along with Caleb's animated tale. 

"And then Master Billaba stopped the bomb from exploding with the Force," he paused looking starstruck before saying "'Soka it was the coolest thing I have ever seen."

"What happened to the bomber?" she heard herself ask as she picked over her food. 

Caleb's face fell somber. "He jumped from the roof. We couldn't save him."

Ahsoka watched as she placed a gentle hand on top of the boys. Her own recollection of this moment suddenly struck her. She had just gotten back from the front to find the Temple in a state of chaos. Apparently a Separatist agent had infiltrated the Temple in an attempt to carry out an assassination ordered by General Grievous and in the middle of all of it, little Caleb Dume. 

Caleb was a Padawan just a few years younger than her, not yet assigned a Master. After that day in the dojo he had taken a shine to her, following her around whenever she was at the Temple. He was a curious little thing, always asking questions when his classmates would rather he not. He was a sweet kid, small for his age but powerful. The Force moved in him in a way Ahsoka had only seen in a few Jedi but unlike those Jedi, she didn't think Caleb was aware of the power he possessed.

They were, at one time, good friends. But then he and Master Depa Billaba joined the Clone Wars and she left the order. After that, well, there wasn't much hope that little Caleb Dume survived the Purge. There wasn't much hope for any of them.

"That was a very brave thing you did Caleb." her younger self said to the boy. "A little reckless but brave."

Caleb shot her a wiry look. "You'd know all about being reckless. I've heard all about the things you get up to with Master Skywalker. Master Kenobi is always complaining about you two to Master Billaba."

In the memory, she flicked a piece of food at his face and laughed.

Once again, the memory swirled in a haze of grey and she found herself outside in a Temple garden. The sun was warm on her skin, even in the memory. Out in the grass she saw herself and Caleb sparring, the flash of his two blue lightsabers clashing with her green brightly in the sharp afternoon light. 

"You're getting good at this." she smiled as he blocked her downward strike. "What can I say, I learned from the best." 

The fight went on for a few more minutes until Caleb suddenly deactivated his sabers and fell to the ground, gazing up at the sky above. 

"When are you due to leave?" Ahsoka asked, laying down next to him.

"Tonight."

"You'll be fine." she assured him. "Just remember your training and listen to your Master."

"I always listen to my master." He gave her a knowing look. Ahsoka smiled with her younger self. "I'll miss you 'Soka."

"We'll see each other again Caleb Dume."

Ahsoka snapped back to the present with a gasp. Hera was calling her name, her hand gently shaking her shoulder, her blaster pointed at the Inquisitor - no, that wasn't his name. 

She glanced down at the crumpled form of her friend smiling up at her through bloodied teeth. 

"See you - 'Soka." he managed to ground out before his eyes rolled back into his head and his body went slack. 

"Hera." Ahsoka said barely above a whisper, sorrow ripping her apart at the seams. "Get a stretcher down here now."

#star wars rebels #star wars: rebels #swr #swr fanfic #kanan jarrus #star wars #kanan and ahsoka were friends and i will die on this hill #shleby speaks #look at me write #posting my writing into the void has been good for me i think #at least i'm writing more now #lost in the dark tag

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 255: "Hospital”

Previously on BnHA: Aizawa and Present Mic found out their dead best friend Shirakumo was necromanced by All for One and Ujiko and turned into everyone’s favorite villain mom bartender M.D., Kurogiri! Gran Torino and Naomasa were all “hey you guys should talk to him and see if you can restore his memories through the power of friendship” and so they all sat down together to do that. Kurogiri was all “so tell me how is my son Shigaraki Tomura, I love him so much, he is so emo and I must protect him” and Aizawa and Mic were all “THIS GUY HASN’T CHANGED ONE IOTA” and Aizawa started crying and was all “SHIRAKUMO LET’S GET MARRIED AGAIN AND BE HEROES TOGETHER LIKE WE ALWAYS WANTED.” Oh and also we found out Aizawa only fake expelled his previous students and it was just so that he could PREPARE THEM FOR LIFE!! and afterwards they got to go back to U.A. again and live happily ever after. And so basically I’ve lost track of how many hugs Aizawa needs here now but it’s a lot.

Today on BnHA: Shiraguri’s brainwaves start going all wonky and everyone is like “OH SHIT IT’S WORKING” and Aizawa and Mic decide it’s time to shift this drama into overdrive, so they get right up against the glass and start shouting “YOU’RE OUR FRIEND!!” and stuff over and over until IT FINALLY WORKS!! and Kurogiri’s face shifts into Shirakumo’s. Somehow the effect is incredibly sad and moving rather than terrifying as fuck, but unfortunately all Kumo can manage to get out is “hospital” before his mind overloads and he passes out. Fortunately for our heroes, “hospital” is actually an awesome clue which can totally lead them to Tomura and Ujiko’s location if they play their cards right, probably! Or at least Hawks seems really psyched about it, idk. Anyway so the chapter ends with Ujiko going FULL MAD SCIENTIST and wreaking havoc on Tomura’s body in order to -- I’m pretty sure, anyway -- turn him into some kind of fully sentient ultimate high end Noumu. Welllllll shit.

so that sure was a fun little wrinkle last week, huh. the two biggest scanlators deciding that in the spirit of the holidays, they were going to stop translating WSJ series and instead support the official releases out of the goodness of their hearts and definitely not at all because Shueisha was eyeing them threateningly and making little throat-slitting gestures. that was a ride. these are interesting times lol

but at any rate, if this is how it’s going to be for now then I’ll adjust! it is nice to have everyone support the official release, and obviously the image quality is way better, and Caleb’s translations are by and large pretty good. and obviously we’ll get used to reading the chapter on Sundays instead of Fridays (hell, I remember when the SJ leaks still came out on Wednesdays, so it’s not like we haven’t done this same old song and dance before lol). but Friday did happen to be a more convenient day for my schedule personally, so it might take a bit of adjusting for me to figure out what my posting schedule is going to be moving forward

anyways so I’m sorry this recap is so ridiculously late, but here we go at last!

so the Tartarus guard, who by the way is very clearly Seiji’s dad (WHEN ARE THE SHIKETSU KIDS COMING BACK), is tapping frantically at his touch screen even though it’s not doing anything, and he says he’s detecting unusual brainwaves. omg

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT MEANS, OBVIOUSLY THEY UNLOCKED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, MAN! THEY DID IT

omfg. the guard just says “he’s agitated.” I’m going to need you to have more hype than that my good sir. please

holy shit Nao

attention everyone, HAS ANYONE SEEN NAOMASA’S FUCKING CHILL, BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO HAVE FUCKING MISPLACED THAT SHIT. someone please explain to this man that there is a time and a place to play good cop bad cop and this is not it. “oh, Shirakumo is starting to recover his memories? well then [busts into the prison cell and grabs him by the collar and slams him against the wall] WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!?”

(ETA: so apparently Nao’s detective instincts are cleverer than mine. he saw that Kumo was potentially going to emerge, but probably not for long, so he gave him the most important question so he could focus on answering that. good job! still not a lot of chill but hey.)

meanwhile Aizawa is all “if what they said is true I’m looking at my friend’s corpse”, while still crying by the way, and yeah, so MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. this year Santa decided to change it up and just make everyone real sad. happy holidays

lord he’s leaping to his feet and shouting “WHO DID THIS TO YOU”

meanwhile I can’t stop staring at Present Mic with his tongue sticking out. why are you sticking your tongue out. why are anime characters like this. you know, Stain also used to stick his tongue out. Present Mic U.A. traitor confirmed

also!! so many people have beef with Ujiko, though! pretty soon they will have to take a number and get in line

oh no Kumogiri is malfunctioning

Aizawa’s all “ANSWER ME SHIRAKUMO” and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS

I HAVE NEVER SEEN AIZAWA SHOUTA SO INTENSE AND I CAN’T TEAR MY EYES AWAY FROM THE SCREEN AHHHHH

so there’s some more of “WE WANTED TO BE HEROES TOGETHER” and “YOUR NAME IS SHIRAKUMO OBORO” and all of that other “SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY” stuff, and you’re damn right I am eating ALL THAT SHIT right up, hell yes. IT’S A TROPE FOR A REASON PEOPLE

oh my god

bwo...hh...?

(ETA: I feel like I should explain that although I have a subscription to Viz, I really hate how their chapter viewer is set up, so I read the chapter on one of the vertical scroll-to-read sites instead. I prefer scroll-to-read for a lot of reasons, but the biggest one is so that I can read the chapter slowly (since I’m writing as I go) without spoiling what’s in the next panel. that being said, this next page is one of the few where Viz obviously got it right, so I’ll be posting the full image.)

SDFLSDLFKHSDLKJGOISDJFOSK

（┐° o °  ┐） ( ｣｡╹o╹｡)｣

feelingsfeelingsfeelingsFEELINGS

(ETA: on a reread I am fascinated by the fact that that bandage on his nose actually seems to be A PERMANENT PART OF HIS FACE APPARENTLY lol what.)

READ THE FUCKING ROOM, DUDE. also look how tiny Gran Torino is. he thought we wouldn’t notice through all of our tears. but we did. would you like me to fetch you a box

ha ha ha so now back to the drama

heh so anyway, the fact that this smoke Shirakumo face still looks like a child is straight up destroying me. how are you guys. how is everyone. feliz navidad

FKSLDJSLK HOLD UP

IS HE TRYING TO SAY “SHOUTA”, I CAN’T, I’M?!?!!!!

ADSLFKJALSKDJW

(ETA: I think you can see Shirakumo’s eye rolling back here as he fights against the brainwashing omg. this chapter’s fucking art, though.)

YESSSSSS you keep on ticking off that checklist of clichés, Horikoshi!! I’m so weak for this shit it’s not even funny. actually that’s not true, this plotline is usually hit or miss with me, but I’ll tell you what though, if there’s one guaranteed way to have me freaking the fuck out rather than sighing and rolling my eyes, it’s to have AIZAWA FUCKING SHOUTA be the one pounding on the wall of glass and screaming at his former lover to fight the layers of conditioning waging war on his mind. ohhhhhh god

lol the brainwave detecting screen is losing its fucking shit also and beeping like crazy. this tension is so thick you could plant a flag in it yeesh

is this Kumo remembering stuff??!

(ETA: thank you to the anon who pointed out I posted the wrong image earlier lol.)

why do shounen characters always recall events from a third-person camera view. curse this ambiguous flashback

AHHHHH

HOSPITALLLL ahh what??? “SHOUTA, HOSPITAL.” oh my god. Shirakumo I commend you for not having your first words after dying and being brought back to life and brainwashed for 15 years and then waking up in a straitjacket in a prison cell be, “FUCK ME OH FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK.” you and I are very different people but I respect that

HOLY SHIT HIS HEAD EXPLODED

so now everyone’s freaking out and we’re zooming in on Kumo’s eye again. by the way this is going to kill me when it’s animated oh god

OH NO THE PANEL WENT BLACK AND IT GOT ALL SILENT

(ETA: hmm I don’t think Caleb Cook knows what “whump” means nowadays. whump is what I wish we had here. instead it’s just lots of hurt but very little comfort. JUST LOTS OF PAIN AND SADNESS.)

Horikoshi please have mercy oh lord. also I see their hands touching, you. they honestly should be gripping each other fucking white-knuckled, this is all very traumatic. I think that if Shouta was holding Mic’s hand while his other hand was pressed against the glass I would probably start sobbing for real

what the fuck

did they knock him back out?? they seem really calm and optimistic about all this lol

oh godddddd

HE’S NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING SHUT UP. GOD, MIC, WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE HIM A HUG ALREADY??

so now they’re bidding farewell to Nao and Gran -- and HOLY SHIT --

okay hold up -- I just realized -- Kumo was trying to give them a hint about Ujiko’s location. holy shiiiiit. PLEASE START INVESTIGATING HOSPITALS, NAO AND GRAN. holy shit the Noumu arc is heating uppppp

Aizawa’s asking what’s happening with Kurogiri now, and I feel like he maybe should have asked that immediately after the fact rather than as an afterthought while they were getting ready to leave but okay

Nao says he kind of “short-circuited or something” and yeah that tracks with what we saw. though it sure does make that “THAT’S ALL FOR TODAY FOLKS, GOOD JOB BOYS, YOU GET A GOLD STAR” business just SUPER WEIRD though, but let’s be real, Nao has been swinging and missing with striking the right tone all day today

and now Gran is apologizing to Mic and Aizawa for the exquisite emotional torture he just put them through, but he says something is bound to come from it. WELL YEAH NO SHIT IT HAD GODDAMN BETTER

Aizawa apparently hasn’t run out of sad/tired/haunted expressions yet, if you can believe it

pretty soon everyone is going to be sad, tired, and traumatized! heh. it’s going to be so fucked up hahaha crying smiling emojiiiii

oh hey and we’re cutting to another flashback of AFO doing what he does best, being callously dismissive of human lives!

this guy. right here. is a rat bastard. for real. also Horikoshi sure picked a hell of a chapter to go all out on the art again, jesus. this is probably the first time I’ve looked at AFO’s fucked up face and actually thought “yep, that’s a mutilated human man” rather than “shouldn’t you be out floating in space with your asteroid friends trying to smash the Millennium Falcon?” so anyways yeah this panel is a big NOPE from me, thank you

but on the other hand, when Horikoshi uses those art powers for good, such as carefully penciling in every last individual hair of Aizawa’s perpetual five o’clock shadow, that I don’t mind so much!

yes. yes good

so now they’re vrooming off, and we’re hanging back with Gran and Nao for a minute

YESSSSS GOOD JOB NAO!!

looooool it’s ringing up the head of the HPSC and her phone’s buzzing and she’s giving it this hella dramatic look. like this is some patented Todoroki-level dramatic whooshing right here

that’s just how dramatic this entire arc is going to be, hopefully

WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW

IS THAT A CODED MESSAGE FOR HIM TO GO CHECK OUT THE HOSPITAL. AND HOW BUSY ARE YOU, HAWKS. ARE YOU THE “I AM IN SOME DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE” KIND OF BUSY, OR JUST THE STAYING-IN-CHARACTER KIND OF BUSY. YOU CASUAL BASTARD, WHO CAN EVEN TELL WITH YOU, I’LL JUST HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN TO SEE

oh hh my go

“LITTLE LATE TO ASK ABOUT THIS STUFF” so he comes from the Bakugou Katsuki school of tutoring, eh

I love that he actually followed through on explaining the PLF’s philosophy to Twice. and Twice is such a good boy. he’s studying so diligently. look, he didn’t ask to join a doomsday cult, it just kind of happened so now he’s just doing his best to figure it all out

and it definitely was a coded message, then. smoooooth, HPSC lady, smooth. so I wonder if the fact that she gave him a specific hospital implies a time jump. because I don’t think she’d have him investigate just any old hospital until they had a better lead and/or a more solid idea of what they were looking for

lol what the fuck

well I sure do not have any idea what this man is talking about

-- HOSDFLKJDLY SHIT WE’RE CUTTING TO UJIKO WE ARE CUTTING TO FUCKING UJIKO RED FUCKING ALERT!!!

HE’S TALKING ABOUT TOMURA I’M NOT CALMMMMMMMM AHHHHHH

FUCCKLKL FUCK THE WHAT HOLY SHIT WHAT DID HE DO

oh my god oh my god oh m

he made Tomura a Noumu. holy fucking shit that’s what he did. of course. so he’ll be able to possess multiple quirks, but because he benefits from Ujiko’s years of high end Noumu research, his sense of self will remain intact

AND DOESN’T THIS PROCESS JUST LOOK EVER SO PLEASANT. jesus christ. he’s not even allowed to lie down, for some reason this procedure can only be done while he’s hovering over the bed Exorcist-style with his mouth locked open in a silent scream (ETA: or is that actually his laughter we’re seeing?? because this panel wasn’t raw enough already I guess??) while random spurts of blood come chucking out all over the place. well that’s just

and Tomura fucking volunteered for this. how many scores of others didn’t?? holy fucking shit Ujiko. it’s not easy to be the most evil man in a chapter where a foil-wrapped potato with eye holes started waxing poetic about all the children he harvested and killed like some kind of bloodthirsty sommelier, but YOU FOUND A WAY. dancing a fucking jig while your so-called masterpiece is being gruesomely tortured in the foreground. man if there’s any justice in the world, we’ll find out in this arc that Ujiko used science to make himself immortal so that once he’s finally captured they can just keep killing him over and over again. I do not like him!!

so that’s it! we really are doing this thing, holy shit. Noumu arc here we come. see you guys next decade har dee har

#bnha 255 #aizawa shouta #shirakumo oboro #present mic #daruma ujiko #naomasa tsukauchi #gran torino #hawks #boku no hero academia #bnha #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #list of people who want to kill ujiko and just don't know it yet: #aizawa #mic #bakugou #deku #dabi maybe if it turns out he's a similar deal to kurogiri #and endeavor and shouto too. all the todorokis #and probably tomura too if he ever realizes how badly ujiko and afo messed him up #and once tomura and dabi want to kill someone the rest of league will have their back #and for that matter pretty much everyone in u.a. will rally behind their friends too #anyway so yeah #that's a pretty long list

[dead-by-deathslinger]

concept: caleb being big scary protective bf over s/o bc a new survivor or killer is a creep and doesn’t know what ‘no’ means

not even gonna lie here- this was hella fun to write! Please enjoy uvu

Caleb Quinn (Deathslinger) x Reader || “You called death to your door the instant you done me wrong.”

You shiver softly as the cool wind of Shelter Woods surprises you. You had been so used to seeing Caleb in the warmth of Glenvale, that you barely seemed to remember what the cold felt like. You look about the area around you…there were no signs of any Jigsaw boxes, which meant that you were safe from the clutches of the pig. You weren’t feeling tired much, so there would be no nightmares. You get started on a generator close to you. You smile to yourself, knowing that this would be an easy, and hopefully painless match. After a bit of repairing and other gens popping, you hear a familiar gunshot. This only reassured you more that this would be a breeze. However, you began to feel a weight come to your chest as one of your teammates neared you. You had kinda kept you and Caleb’s relationship on the down low for some time, but you made sure that you knew you weren’t single and for the taking. This person however, didn’t catch that.

“Well hey there cutie, working on a generator? That’s funny, cuz I was just about to do the same thing.” They grin. Their flirting game was just…horrendous to say the least. Especially compared to what you were used to. You knew that they knew you hated being called corny pet names. Especially if it wasn’t coming from your sweet cowboy. “Just shut yer yap, and lets get this done.” You grumble. From spending a lot of time now around Caleb you had begun to slightly pick up on his way of speaking. “What are you, that new cowboy that’s been around?” Your fellow survivor chuckles. If you both weren’t trying to get this gen done, you’d bolt out of the situation as soon as possible. “Well I beg yer pardon.” They tease, softly snickering to themselves. You two shortly finished the generator and you quickly made your way away from them to the next closest generator. Unluckily for you…they followed right behind.

You just wanted Caleb all in this moment, just him to swoop in and save you. But he sounded quite the distance away from where you were. You sit on one of the wooden window sills to catch your breath from the bit of running.. Your new generator partner was close behind you, a lustful smirk on their face upon seeing you. You hated that look. “What?” You spat, not in the mood to be toyed with. “Oh nothing…” They pause, you can see the cogs turning in their brain. “I was just thinking about how…the killers occupied with the others, gen’s don’t take that long to deal with… we’re alone~” They slowly approach you with lustful eyes. You hop down from the window sill before they get any closer. “I-i’m fine, really.” You try and stand up for yourself but, that was something that Caleb had yet to help you with. Before you could push them away, they backed you into a corner, forcefully and passionately kissing you. You shove them off, wiping your mouth disgusted. “Get off of me creep!” You yell, hoping that Caleb wasn’t too far now. 

They wrap their arms around your waist, “C’mon babes! We don’t really have any better time to learn more about each other.” They coo, biting at your ear, you try and push away but they had tightened their grip around you. You struggle to pull away, “I said get off!” You now holler, hearing nearby footsteps. They kiss at your neck as you’re left there helpless. You feel tears well in your eyes as you’re unable to push them off…that is until you catch sight of your boy. You’d smile but you weren’t feeling up to it right now. The creep still clinging to you, lifts their head with a bit of a concerned look, “You hear something?” they seem to whisper. Caleb lifts his gun to their head, clicking back the safety. “I’m gonna give you till counta three. You unhand ‘em, or I blow yer brains in…right here.” His voice is low and threatening, his eyes seemed to be overflowing with rage. The survivor freezes, almost immediately unhanding you. You see all the color leave their face as they’re met with Caleb Quinn, the Deathslinger. 

He steps forward, towering over them with harsh, white, glowing eyes. “You should be lucky I don’t down ‘yer arse right here. Right now.” A taste of his Irish shows through as this usually tended to happen when he was overly furious about something. Caleb studies their face for a moment before he lets out a low chuckle, “Why the long face? Ya ain’t got nothin’ ta fear right now. But till then, fear me. Cuz if I catch ya like this again, you can bet on ‘yer life you’ll be nothin’ but a bloody corpse.” You hold in a snicker as you can see that Caleb meant that, and for sure that this creeper was listening now. “Now get.” He says lowly, poking them with the harpoon end of his gun. They scamper off, rather quickly now, as they knew not to mess with you anymore.

 Caleb looks down to you now, scanning your body to make sure they hadn’t hurt you at all. “I’m sorry I didn’t get over here sooner sunshine, I-” He’s quickly cut off by you hugging him tighter than ever. He gently rubs your back with his free hand, gently kissing the top of your head. You try to hold back tears, but fail as you sniffle a bit. He was always there for you, no matter what he’d be willing to protect you. “I love you Caleb..” You say rather quickly, but you had meant it. This catches him a bit off guard as his eyes widen some, a faint blush coming to his cheeks. “I love you too, darlin’.” He smiles a bit, now pulling away from the hug. “I promise I won’t let nothin’ bad ever happen to ya. Understand?” You wipe your eyes and nod with a smile, “Of course…” you sniffle. “Now I gotta job ta do so…you just wait by one of them exit gates and I promise, you’ll be the only one outta here alive after this.” He deviously smirks. You tip his hat forward a bit, quickly kissing the tip of his nose. “Go get ‘em for me Quinny.” You giggle as he gives a confident nod, heading off to show the rest of your crew why you should never mess with a cowboy.

#deathslinger #the deathslinger #dbd #dead by daylight #dead by daylight x reader #caleb quinn x reader #yeehaw #caleb quinn #deathslinger x reader

[bellysoupset]

Hey, I just started reading your stuff and I love it! I'd kill to see Caleb actually sympathy puke, if you ever feel like writing it. Maybe with Dex?

I am so sorry that I can’t ever write anything short 😅. Also Quince is my darling boy, so feel free to send requests for him too!

Sympathy Pains

"You’re mad at me” Quince mumbled, arms crossed over his chest and looking at his pack leader from the corner of his eye. Caleb was driving, fingers hitting the steering wheel rhythmically, jaw set tight and eyes stuck on the horizon fiercely. 

He made a noncommittal noise and Quince sunk lower in his seat, watching as the threes bent and danced with the storm. He felt like a child in his father’s car, waiting for Caleb’s inevitable “I’m not mad, just disappointed” speech. 

“Just so you know” Quince said, since the silence was getting on his nerves, settling heavily in his stomach “I didn’t mean to ruin your night or anything. I called Angie, I don’t know why you came.” 

Caleb raised his eyebrows and shot Quince an indecipherable look, before turning his eyes back to the road. 

The rain seemed to fall down with more force, a thunder roaring above them and lightening making the sky go blinding white for a second. The tension of the car, however, made Quince wish he was out in the storm. His stomach churned with the realization he’d still be locked with Caleb for two more hours. 

Quince meant what he had said, he hadn’t meant for Caleb to come get him. When he had called Angela about an emergency at three AM he had expected Angie to come get him, not for their eldest to show up looking like he had been dragged out of bed. 

“What came over you, Quince?” Caleb finally spoke, his voice very collected and stiff. 

“My God, I didn’t do anything bad!” He cried out, raising his hands “It’s not my fault my car broke down!”

“If you could enlighten me what came over you to leave Pennshaw without telling anyone, during a full moon, it would be a great start”, Caleb said through his teeth. 

Quince shrugged and looked out of the closed window. Condensation was clinging to it, a nauseating reminder of how stuffy the car felt. 

“So? Are you going to answer me?” 

He was such a dick, Quince thought bitterly, wincing when his stomach cramped. 

“It was a girl.” 

“A girl.” Caleb repeated, slowly and took a deep breath, “You drove down to Maine, in the middle of the night, during a full moon, for a quick fuck?” 

Quince blushed and glared at his lap. His belly did a somersault inside of him as he was reminded of the girl he had met on Tinder a week ago. A literal Disney princess. The butterflies, however, didn’t stop moving and he cringed, fixing the seat belt around his stomach. 

“She’s different.”

“You said that last month about that guy. What was his name?” 

“...You’re being a dick.” 

“I’m being a dick?!” Caleb finally exploded and glanced at his pack mate, “Quince! You’re smarter than this- Maine, of all places, Maine!? What is in Maine, Quince?”

“Besides Pennywise?” He bit back bitterly and for a second he saw a flash of deep purple color Caleb’s green eyes. 

“Besides the murderous clown.”

“....Victor” Quince admitted quietly and hugged his stomach, “Look, I wasn’t thinking straight-”

“Damn right you weren’t.”

“-BUT there’s no reason for you to act like this. Nothing happened. I didn’t even cross Victor’s territory, okay? And she wasn’t even home.” He mumbled, words getting choked down at the end with a hiccup, which was gracefully muffled by the rain hitting the car like bullets. 

“Quince” Caleb sighed, all anger seeming to leave him and sounding like a tired parent, “Kid, a weeks ago Archer got poisoned, he nearly died. And then full moon comes along and you skip town, to fuck some random girl you’ve met online last week, and goes straight to Victor’s territory, knowing full well he despises us? C’mon-” 

“For all we know Archer was poisoned because he’s married to a literal witch.” Quince argued, planting an open hand in his chest and massaging it. The hiccup had jostled his stomach and now there was an awful fire burning his esophagus. 

“It doesn’t matter, Quince” Caleb said quietly, before frowning,”Are you okay?”

“Yeah, uhm-” The younger man muffled a burp, “My stomach is super upset all of sudden...” 

Caleb’s face blanched and he looked at his friend with eyes filled with panic, “Upset how? Do you have a headache? Is it difficult to breathe!?”

“I wasn’t poisoned, Kay” Quince reassured him, leaning forward “I think it’s just the dodgy food I had earlier and  the car movement.” 

“Are you sure?” Caleb eyed him, full of worry and completely forgetting the previous sermon. 

“Yeah, uh-” A belch rolled off him and Quince squeezed his eyes shut “I think I’m carsick... Kay, can you-...” 

“I’m in the fast-lane, I’m sorry... Just hold on a second and I’ll pull over-” 

“Oka-” Quinces word got choked by a gag and he pressed a hand to his lips. He had always been the type to not see sickness approaching and this time it was no different. He tried to swallow it down, but the pressure in his gut was too much and a burp tried to push past his lips. He opened his mouth to let it out slowly under his breath, only for Caleb to swerve the truck to the right and inertia hit Quince right in the stomach. 

He threw up spectacularly  all over the car’s dashboard  and then ducked his head as a second heave formed, losing the rest of his lunch all over his shoes. It smelt awful, no doubt his stomach had completely given up on digesting the nasty food he had bought in Maine. 

“Fuck, fuck- Okay-” Caleb was cursing over his head, before the car came to a sudden stop and Quince was left dizzy and weak, slumped over his knees with sick clinging to his lips. He felt exhausted. 

“You’re okay, Quin?” Kay said next to him, putting a hand on Quince’s shoulder and straightening him up gently. The younger man shook his head, forcing a burp past his lips, head falling against the humid window. 

“I’m sorry, It just came over me from nowhere- I couldn’t even warn you...”

“It’s okay-” Caleb reassured him, his own stomach churning desperately. He usually was pretty good dealing with sympathy nausea, but tonight was full moon and his senses were over hyped and he was stuck in a car with all windows locked, chunky vomit covering the dashboard and having probably gotten in the AC airways... 

 Quince whined and wrapped both arms around his stomach, “I’m not done...” He groaned, eyes pressed shut tightly and throat bobbing dangerously. 

Caleb breathed through his mouth, unsure of where to look that wasn’t covered in puke. He swallowed down thickly and squeezed the steering wheel with the hand that wasn’t in the younger man’s shoulder. 

“Okay, okay, just out of the door-” 

Quince blindly tried to open the door, only to cough and let out a little desperate gasp as puke seemed to suffocate him. Caleb dived in to push the passenger’s door open, but it was too late. 

Quince had the self control of a toddler when it came to vomiting and instead of forcing it down and upchucking out of the door like the other’s would’ve done, he heaved forward, covering all of Kay’s arm with the warm goo. 

Caleb gagged loudly, pulling his hand back as if it was burning. He opened the car door desperately and stepped out in the rain, gagging to the floor while the heavy storm washed away the vomit from his arm and soaked through his clothes. Inside the car he heard Quince whine pathetically. 

“I’m sorry!” He said, voice sounding like he had sipped battery acid, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, Kay-”

“It’s okay” Caleb said, burping and spitting on the grass. He really didn’t want to get back in the truck filled with vomit. Just the thought made his stomach churn, the taste of his dinner flooding his mouth. Now was not the time. 

“Quin” He said, squeezing the door handle of the truck and breathing deeply through his nose. His teeth were starting to chatter from the cold, “Are you done being sick?” 

“For now...” Quince nodded, a hand covering his mouth and muffling a burp. 

“Alright...” Caleb wiped his brow and tried to see past the rain, anything in order to avoid entering the car, “Okay, let’s get you lying down in the back. Hopefully your system is done purging whatever garbage you ate.”

“I’m sorry” Quince whined again and Caleb almost smiled, remembering the time he had first met the man before him. A scrawny thirteen year old, looking terrified but trying to straight up bite him nonetheless. 

“It’s alright, it happens” He reassured him, circling the car and getting in front of the passenger’s door already half open. He opened it fully and frowned to the mess, his stomach gurgling with nausea. 

“Ditch the shoes... Actually, you might as well ditch everything but the boxers and lie in the back.” Caleb said, searching through the glove compartment for anything to help clean the mess. He found a roll of toilet paper. 

Quince obeyed quietly, ditching his shoes, messed up pants and shirt on the side of the road and getting on the backseat before rain got him as drenched as Caleb was. He shivered still, hugging himself and grabbing an itchy blanket that Kay kept there to put boxes on top of. 

He heard Caleb retch and turned his head, frowning “Kay, leave it- I’ll do it-”

“Shut up and lie down, Quince.” 

“No, you shut up” Quince said petulantly, leaning in the space between passenger and driver’s seat, “Leave it, Kay-”

“Quin” Caleb said harshly, pressing his fist to his mouth. He looked ill and his next words were interrupted by a stomach growl, so loud that Quince managed to listen even during a storm, “Please just let me get this done so we can go home.” 

“Fine” Quince sighed, falling back in the backseat and curling up. He was way too big for it, but it didn’t matter. All he wanted was to get some sleep and for his belly to stop churning and tossing. He knew that croissant had tasted fishy. 

A couple minutes later he heard both doors shutting and Caleb’s heavy breathing. 

“I’m sorry” He whispered again and Caleb looked at him from the rear-view mirror. Kay felt terrible for having snapped earlier, the kid looked like death and had been stood up by his date and there he was, asshole extraordinaire, lecturing him. 

“No, I’m sorry for snapping earlier... I just worry about you, Quince.” 

“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.” The youngest one mumbled, sounding a little sleepy. 

Caleb wanted to argue, but he wasn’t feeling well and it was clear Quince wanted to catch a nap - after all it was nearly five AM  -, so he opted for staying quiet and getting back on the road. 

The next one hour and a half was hell. Hell. The car smelt awful and Caleb felt stuffed to the brim with food - had he really eaten that much for dinner? - and nauseated, so bloody queasy. 

He kept breathing through his mouth and had left a window open, because he was already soaked with water and the car would already have to be cleaned, at least he could get the fresh air. 

Caleb ignored the exit to Quince’s shitty apartment and instead drove straight to the farm. The younger one still had clothes in there, from when he used to live with Kay, and he looked too sleepy and nauseous to even argue. 

By the time he pulled up in the driveway, the sky was no longer black but a grayish-blue and the living room lights were on. It had stopped raining, thankfully. 

“Kid-” Caleb said, the word thick on his mouth. He swallowed down a burp and reached on the backseat, “Quin. We’re here. Go lie down.”

Sleep drunk, Quince only nodded and stumbled out of the car. Dexter had just opened the door, wrapped up in a baby blue robe and hair sticking out in all directions, and he frowned when an ill looking Quince passed by him without a word, looking green around the gills. 

“What the hell happened, Kay?” Dexter asked, walking to the truck, avoiding the puddles of mud. 

Caleb pushed the driver’s door opened and tried to answer, but he had pushed his body to the max. All that came up was a wet burp that had him bending over and then all of last night’s pasta, coloring the wet grass under his feet and covering his boots. 

Dexter jumped back, startled and dropped the ceramic mug he was holding, “Shit! Caleb, Jesus Christ-”

“Not done-” Kay groaned, holding onto the door and throwing up another large gush, this one sending him to his knees. Dexter circled the growing puddle of vomit and grabbed the back of his shirt, cursing under his breath. 

Dexter put a hand on his boyfriend’s heaving back, frowning when he met the humid fabric. He rubbed his back slowly and sighed, waiting for the puking to taper off. 

It finally did a couple minutes later and Caleb started to stand, using the car as support, before leaning fully on Dexter. 

Dex huffed from the weight, but wrapped an arm around Kay’s waist anyway and kicked the car door closed behind him, dragging his boyfriend to the house, “Are you sick? You don’t have a fever...” 

“No-” Kay mumbled, head hanging and an arm wrapped tightly around his middle, “Quince got sick all over the car. I-” he muffled a burp and collapsed sit on the couch, “It was gross.” 

“I bet it was” Dexter grinned, getting between Caleb’s legs and kissing the top of his dirty blonde hair, peppered with graying strands. Caleb leaned forward, shoving his face on Dexter’s chest and breathing in deeply. 

“I feel gross.”

“You are” Dex teased, rubbing his back, “What about Quin?”

“He said it was food poisoning. Check on him?” 

“I will” Dexter nodded, but didn’t move a muscle. Kay’s arms wrapped around him, using him as a standing pillow and Dex wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with him, instead of checking on the youngest pack member, “Why are you all wet?”

“There was a storm all night. I’m- ugh- I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up, darling” Caleb said, before burping wetly against Dex’s robe, “Excuse me.”

“Please” Dex huffed and ran his fingers affectionately through Kay’s hair, “You belong in bed.”

“Uhm”

“And out of those clothes before you catch a cold to top this off.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Dexter rolled his eyes and pulled back, grinning smugly when Caleb let out a whine as he was forced away from comfort. Dex got down on his knees before him, cupping Kay’s face and peppering it with little kisses, “Go to bed, you stubborn bastard.” 

“I’m going.”

“Now.”

#sickfic #emeto #caleb locke #quince lancaster #mywriting

[sockablock]

(start) - (previous) 

Chapter 10: Familiar

It took them a moment to get their bearings.

It only took a moment. There wasn’t much here.

The Mighty Nein stood—although standing wasn’t exactly it, not really. Whatever floor existed in this new reality was strangely unreal, almost as if its ability to remain solid, or even just exist, depended solely on the whim of the stander.

Now at the center of an empty, white expanse, the Mighty Nein concentrated very hard on standing, indeed.

“It’s…blank,” whispered Beau, and her voice did not echo. Strangely, that was even more upsetting. “Why is it just…blank?”

“Do you see anything?” Veth asked. “Any sign of…anything?”

“I hear something,” Caduceus muttered. “It sounds…like crying.”

The sound crept up along walls of cotton, muted and strangled and barely-audible.

But it was there.

The Mighty Nein exchanged glances. Carefully, they began heading toward the noise.

—

It was both unsettling and rather reassuring to find out that they were not alone. Wherever this was, and whatever they were seeing, they were not the only ones in this reality.

Two humanoid shapes faded into view. The first was barely more than a body, curled in on itself, lying on the floor. The second, however, was a little boy. A gangly child, all knees and elbows, with a mop of ginger hair and a worn tunic. Tears streamed down like rivulets on his cheeks, interspersed with ripples of nose-blowing and sobs.

Veth immediately tried to move forward. She was stopped by flash of Beau’s staff.

“But he’s—”

“Are you sure?”

Veth hesitated. Then she stepped back, and Beau lowered her arm.

“You think it’s a trap?” Jester whispered. “Do you think…something bad will happen if we talk to him?”

“How much worse could it get?” Fjord murmured. His tone suggested he was trying for a joke, but the humor died on his tongue.

Caduceus looked between the two figures. Then, slowly, without getting closer, he crouched down until he was at least eye level with the boy.

“Are you…alright?” he asked gently.

The boy’s head instantly jerked up. His face was red from the crying. “I don’t...I don’t…I don’t know what I did wrong,” he wailed. “I thought I was helping, but it kept going wrong. I…snf…why didn’t it work?”

Yasha was the first to react. “Why didn’t what work?”

“The…the…memories. Why didn’t they make him happy?”

They all exchanged glances again.

Jester knelt too.

“You aren’t Caleb, are you?”

“Smf…n-no…”

“Not Bren either, I take it,” said Fjord.

“…no…”

Beauregard had her arms crossed. “Then who are you?” And her voice was dangerously quiet. “What are you doing in our friend’s head?”

“I’m—I’m supposed to make happy!” the child howled. “I’m supposed to grant his wishes. I’m supposed to show him what he wants and make a world where he feels w-w-warm and…loved.”

They watched the boy—the not-boy, whatever it was—kick the ground in frustration. “But I failed. I failed, and now he’s just like this…”

It took a considerable effort to turn their gazes to the second shape in the void. They didn’t want to think it, they wouldn’t have dared suggest it, but…well, it did look like Caleb, didn’t it? Those were his cheekbones, the line of his nose, someone had cut his hair—but the color—and then there were his eyes, the blueness of his eyes, just…half-opened, unseeing, dull…

Caduceus turned back to the child. “Then what are you?”

It blew its nose loudly into its sleeve.

“I’m the dream.”

This time, when Veth stepped forward, no one stopped her. Beauregard’s knuckles did visibly whiten, but she gritted her teeth and did not move.

Veth was just barely taller than the figure. It was the same height as the very first iteration of Caleb that they’d med, and it looked exactly like him.

“What made you?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” the dream said.

“She was an elf-lady,” Jester pressed. “A sorcerer—”

But the dream just shook its head. “I don’t know,” it repeated. “I don’t…it doesn’t work like that. I just exist. I’m made by whoever imagines me, I guess. And I shape the world based on who is doing the imagining.”

Yasha nodded curtly. “Like…a peaceful town.”

“Or having friends at a school,” Fjord added.

“Exactly,” the dream nodded miserably. “Except…it all kept going wrong. You all weren’t supposed to be there, you know. You still aren’t supposed to be here.”

It sounded about as accusatory as it could manage, surrounded by six adventurers and fully tired out. It shied away when Beau’s glare intensified.

“He isn’t supposed to be here either,” she said. “And we wouldn’t have been there if you hadn’t trapped him.”

The dream rubbed its face again. “I don’t know about that either,” it mumbled. “I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do. I’m not even really real, I’m just trying.”

“Well, you…” Not to be outdone, Beau scowled. “You should’ve tried harder.”

“I did,” the dream grumbled. “Why do you think we’re here, after all?”

If there had been any other sound in the vastness of this space, it would have been amplified in the Nein’s silence. Instead, there was only the faint rustle of fabric and the subsiding tears of a dream gone wrong.

“Where…is here, anyway?” Jester asked. “Only…there was so much fire, before. And now…”

The dream gestured to Caleb.

“He took us here,” it said. “He wanted to forget about all the bad stuff happening to him, so…I did that. I took him to the only memory he has where he ever forgot anything. To…here.”

“This is a memory?” Fjord asked incredulously. “But…wait, how could he have a memory of a place he doesn’t remember?”

“I don’t know,” the dream sniffed. “But this is the place where it happened.”

Their eyes scanned the horizon. It was all horizon, sterile and inert.

“He must remember it wrong,” Caduceus said. “This is no place. Not…not really.”

“Maybe this is how the place felt to him,” Yasha said.

They looked at the body on the ground. They couldn’t decide whether or not Caleb was blinking.

“So…how do we get him out?” Beau asked. “Do we have to fight you?”

The dream scrambled back. “I don’t think so, I mean…I’m not keeping him here. He’s the one who’s keeping himself here.”

“And how do we know you’re not lying?” she said. “What if this is a trick?”

The dream looked up at her, eyes swollen and cheeks damp from the crying. “I’m not tricking you. Promise.”

Caduceus placed a fuzzy mitt on Beau’s shoulder.

“I think he’s telling the truth.”

“Well—” Beau scoffed, and she didn’t realize it, but her grip loosed on her staff. “Well, good. He’d better not be.”

“So how do we wake him up?” Veth asked. She didn’t seem to be speaking directly to anyone, gaze affixed to Caleb. “What do we do?”

“Well, um…well, I think first we probably have to fix him,” Fjord managed eventually. “You know, get him…all back to normal. Jog the old…the old memory reserves.”

“How do we know that won’t make everything covered in fire again?” Yasha asked.

“What’s the alternative?” Beau said. “Leave him like this?”

“…right. I vote fire.”

“Me too,” Caduceus said. “But, um…how do we get to the fire?”

“I think we’re getting it twisted,” Fjord said weakly. “Fire is to be avoided, if we can.”

“He doesn’t like fire,” the dream volunteered, and then retreated under the weight of their stares.

“Sorry.”

“It’s been a long day,” Jester said charitably. “I’m sure you’re really nice.”

The dream actually sorted at this. Its voice, all a childish giggle and smile, was achingly, exactly, the way Caleb had sounded.

“I’m sure you’re really nice, too. He does like you all a lot, after all. I could never get him to forget you. Not really.”

“Yeah,” Jester said softly. “That’s ‘cause we’re his best friends.”

“Why did you try that?” Caduceus asked. “Why would you suppress us?”

The dream shrugged. “It made sense at first,” it said. “I was a happy memory of being little. He wouldn’t have known you all, then, and if he remembered you, it would break the illusion. But…you kept sticking around, and by the end I had to find a way to fit you in, somehow.”

“By sending us on a mission to kill people?” Fjord asked.

“You kill bad people all the time,” the dream said defensively. “The way he was, when he was alive back then, he would’ve considered those people bad. I thought it worked.”

Caduceus gave the dream a careful appraisal. “That’s…not really how people think,” he said. “Especially not when they’re confused.”

“You’re telling me?” The child seemed at least a little more open now that the interrogation had largely ended. “He’s a really complicated person. And it’s hard to make him happy. Although…”

“Although?” Veth echoed.

The dream sighed. “Honestly, I think he was pretty happy being in the Mighty Nein, too. I don’t know if I ever could have made something that would ever top that.”

“Damn straight,” Beau muttered, in the background. “We came all this fuckin’ way for him, that had better be the case.”

“Maybe…well, wait a second,” said Jester, glancing back at Fjord. “Maybe…what you said earlier about jogging his memory, maybe that could work!”

“Oh, er…really?”

“Yeah! I mean, maybe,” she said. “Maybe if we get him to remember us, and I mean really us, fully us, that could bring back the real Caleb. You know, the one who’s a grown up and is our friend and remembers everything. That way, maybe, he would realize what’s going on, and then he could wake up!”

“But…how could we get through to him when he’s like this?” Veth asked. “He doesn’t look like he’d be all that responsive. He’s hardly breathing, let alone listening.”

“Well...didn’t he wake up from this once before?” Jester tapped her chin. “He…hey, you, little Dream, you said that this is a memory, right? That means that this is something that happened to Caleb in the past, right? Do we know fixed this? What snapped him out of this?”

There was the sound of Beau’s fist hitting her palm. “Shit,” she said, “yeah, I think we do. Didn’t he…Veth, didn’t he say something about a healer, once? Who…who did some sort of spell…”

Veth’s eyes went wide. “You’re right, he…he said…there was a woman, a cleric, who put her hands on his head and then there was a bright light and…and all of a sudden he was back to normal. He…remembered what was real and what wasn’t.”

Everybody immediately looked at Jester and Caduceus.

“Er…do you know what spell?” Jester asked.

“Probably…Greater Restoration,” Caduceus mused. “That seems like the one that’d fix this…”

A slow silence fell over the Mighty Nein. But this was not the barren quiet of desperation, nor the frigid emptiness of lost hope, this was the shock, the hum, the eye-opening, dawning, sudden realization that…yes, there might be a chance—

“I’ll do it,” said Jester, and she reached into in her bag. “I’m a lady and I’m a cleric. It’ll be the most accurate.”

“And what about the rest of us?” Veth asked. “Can we help?”

“Actually, I think you can. And…I’d like to help too.”

This time, the silence did not last as long. Eyebrows rose.

“I think you’ve done enough,” Beau said.

Fjord took pity when the dream flinched. “Why don’t you elaborate?” he said.

“You, um…” The dream twisted its sleeve. “You said…you were going to help him remember. I can…I’m still in his head—I guess all of you are, but…I have a pretty direct line. I can help. Right now, it’s all blank, but…if you all try describing what you mean to him, I can try to project it to him, in his mind, help him form the memories again. I can try to help you break through.”

“Do you mean that?” Yasha asked.

The dream gave her a weak smile.

“I’m supposed to make him happy. He was always happiest when he was with you guys.”

Jester held a vial of diamond dust in her hands.

“Let’s try it,” she said. “It’s worth a shot.”

—

Fjord cleared his throat.

“I, uh…so…I’m going first. Which…I suppose is sort of an honor—oh, come on, Veth, just let me have this! Right. Er…right, I…something meaningful, something meaningful…well, I don’t know. I don’t think it gets any more meaningful than that time I held a sword to your throat, right? Ha-ha...though I suppose that’s sort of a negative memory, isn’t it? We honestly weren’t ever alone that much, aside from that first time, and then that second time when we, er…made a blood pact…”

A pause.

“Boy, we’re fucked up, aren’t we? I mean…I know you’re fucked up, no offense, I’m in your head and…gods, this is difficult to do with everyone staring at me—”

Another pause, and some shuffling, and then a sigh, much quieter:

“Right. Although, now that I think about it, in a way, despite how fucked up we are, we really did make it work. We’ve made it this far, haven’t we? And that time in Uthodurn, while everyone else was running around assassinating guards and being owls and stuff, well…I don’t know. It was nice to have someone standing next to me watching all the chaos unfold and feeling…well, I’d like to think…feeling exactly the same way I did. I guess…in a kind of weird way, after everything we’ve been through and after having so much time to figure it out, I think I do understand you now, Caleb. And I think…I believe, that you understand me as well.”

—

“…oh gods, I am not sure what to say.”

A breath in, a breath out.

“Happy memories…happy memories…well, I think that time I shaved you was not so bad, yes? That was when I was first getting to know you all. And…I don’t know how reassuring this is to hear, but that was one of the first times I think I ever held a sword that close to someone’s face and didn’t kill them. I didn’t kill you many times, actually. Which is…better than the times that I did almost kill the others. Er…that is to say…”

—rustling fabric—

“…thank you. I do not think you ever gave up on me, and even when I was in a…bad place, afterwards, you never gave up on me then, either. We…know what it is like to do things that…haunt you. And we know what it is like to come back from that. Plus, well, I don’t know if this means much to you either, but…you are one of the first people that I spoke in…well, this language with. And that was important to me as well. So…thank you. And I hope you remember me, Caleb. There are many things you have shared with me that are too important to forget.”

—

“Well, Mister Caleb, we’re really in it now, aren’t we? Although I suppose we’ve been in it for…sort of a while, now. I still remember when you and your friends showed up in the Grove, you know. I remember thinking that you all were a bit…well, broken, to be frank, but never unfixable. I think we’re still doing the fixing now, even months later. But…don’t get it mixed up, alright, Mister Caleb? We’re not the only ones doing the fixing. If any of this stuff I’ve seen over the last few…days? Days. If any of that’s proven anything to me, it’s that you’ve been doing some fixing of your own for quite some time now. And I think we’re just here to help.”

A pause.

“What was that?”

And then—

“Oh, right. A memory. Right, hmm…well, how about that time we were on the boat, and you gave me that neat little stone? Yeah. I like that. It had potential, and we helped it find that potential together. It was the first gift you gave me, you know. I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

—

“…how am I supposed to pick just one? I…I guess if it’s supposed to be happy, I should pick from, like, a few months after we met. I don’t know how many of those memories from the early days are actually happy for you. You know…since I was…sort of a dick…”

Some soft swearing. It lacked any bite.

“I don’t know. Fuckin’…I don’t know. How about that first hug, then? I remember looking at Fjord for most of it, but…well, it was sort of nice. Not—ugh, not because I was hugging you, but…well…shit, I guess it was because I was hugging you. That felt like such a milestone. I guess it…well, I guess it was. And…oh, well, that time you were a gorilla was pretty great too. Just…fuck. Come back, already. I want to go home. But…I mostly just want to make sure that you’re gonna be coming with us, you hear? ‘Cause I’m not leaving without you.”

—

Veth leaned forward, and gave him a peck on the forehead.

“I can’t really say anything that you haven’t said before,” she murmured. “Can you remember them for me? I know you can. If anyone could, it would be you. I say that a lot, I think. If anyone can do it, it’s you, Caleb.”

And then she brushed a little more of the hair away from his face.

“Remember what you said? Before I went into the clay? This will be…our best trick yet.”  

—

And then, Jester stepped forward. With the help of everyone else in the Mighty Nein, she steadied Caleb up into a more-or-less sitting position.

She dipped her thumb into the vial of dust and trailed it across his brow.

Then she took his head in her hands. She closed her eyes.

“Time to come back to us,” she whispered. “It’s time for you to remember, and come home.”

And maybe it was just their imagination, a trick of the light, just wishful thinking, but for a second, for a moment, it almost seemed as if Caleb’s face lifted, his eyes began to flutter—

—

—what is a dream if not where they come true—

—

There was a sudden flash of burning, blinding light.

Everyone heard a gasp—

—

And then, a green hill.

Above them was nothing but clear, serene sky. White and gold wildflowers bloomed in the grass as a sparrow chirped a sweet, gentle song. A quiet breeze trailed past their faces, danced through the air and eventually spun out over an enormous patchwork valley, glowing with autumn light.

And right at the center of the fields was a village. They couldn’t make out too much detail up here, but they could spot varied rooftops, some thatch, others clay, a few wisps of smoke curling up from little chimneys...

It was quiet. It was beautiful. This time, it was familiar.

There was also a person sitting at the edge.

It was Caleb.

They managed to skid to a halt just behind him, in the way that six people all hurtling uphill can just manage to slow down before colliding with one another. But their entrance was quite a noisy affair, and Caleb didn’t need to turn around to know they were there.

He did anyway.

“Thank you all, for, ah…coming to get me.”

Veth was the first to clear the distance, then Jester, then Beau knocked them over, and then Fjord and then Yasha, Caduceus rounding off the hug—

“You asshole, did you know how worried—”

“Sorry, B—”

“Shut up—"

They broke away after just long enough for Jester to cry a puddle into his shoulder. There was definitely some snot across his chest too, though he wasn’t quite exactly sure whose it was.

He found—as the rest of the group settled in, forming an unbroken circle atop the hill, all sitting shoulder-to-shoulder—he didn’t much care.

Caleb rubbed his neck. And…yes, it was Caleb, now.

“So…I assume you have questions.”

“What about you?” Fjord waved him off. “I mean…do you…do you know what happened?”

“Er…sort of,” he managed. “It’s…the memories are returning in waves, but some things are still hazy. There was…I think…didn’t we feed chickens together?”

“We did!” Jester wiped at her eyes. “It was really cute.”

“Ah, er…thank you. I think. And…oh. Oh, no, Veth, did you pretend to be—”

“Yep.”

“Götter.”

“It was weird,” she said quickly. “I don’t want to do that again.”

Caleb snorted. He well and truly snorted, and the sound of it surprised himself more than anyone else.

“I think there were many things that…probably should not be repeated,” he said. “Twice already might be more than enough.”

“That’s why we should be the ones apologizing,” Beau huffed. Her nose was red, and she was still rubbing it. “I mean…we really tried, we really tried, to keep you away from the…the bad shit. But gods, we still ended up driving you there. We couldn’t stop it.”

“It is an event that would be difficult to prevent, I think,” Caleb said.

“It’s…if anything, a bit of a privacy violation,” Fjord said. “We didn’t, er, want to poke around as much as we ended up doing.”

“You’re really cute as a kid,” Jester said.

“Very talkative,” Yasha volunteered.

Caleb’s cheeks flushed. “I, er, danke.” Then he turned back to Beauregard and put a tentative hand on her shoulder.

“You should not blame yourself,” he said softly. “I get the sense that you all were just as lost as I was. But I am grateful that you wanted to avoid…the harder things to swallow. For my sake as well as yours. It is…perhaps just a year ago, if you all had seen what I did, I…am not sure if I would have been able to face you. Especially…well, I nearly killed you all.”

“We could’ve escaped if we had to,” Caduceus said.

“We didn’t want to,” Veth said.

And it was there that a faint smile graced his face.

“That is why I am thanking you,” Caleb nodded. “In a…rather a sick way, perhaps, it is that final memory you saw, the…fiery one, that ultimately made me into me. It is what eventually created the person you see before you now. It forced me to break the…ah, conditioning of my past. It is still an atrocious thing,” he sighed. “It is a horrible, vile, and despicable act. But…I am here now. I have made it this long, and I will not let that be a waste.”

“And you’re different now,” Veth said ferociously. “You’ve changed. You’re a good person, Caleb.”

He bowed his head. “I hope s—ow—”

Beau pulled her arm back. “That punch was nothing. Suck it up.”

He pushed his hair back and gave a weak grin, and a few of the teary faces around him started to laugh. It was the sound of days and days of tension—fear, worry, sorrow—being released and fading on the wind.

They all sat back for a little while and stared out over the fields of Blumenthal.

“It is a very beautiful village,” Yasha said.

“I agree. I had a very happy childhood.”

“The wheat is pretty,” Veth said. “Reminds me of Felderwin.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Will you be…able to leave?” Jester said. “Is it…will you be okay when we go?”

Caleb’s eyes found the horizon.

“I believe I will,” he said. And when this was not enough, he turned back and added, “I promise.”

“Your body is probably wrecked,” Fjord said. “We’ve been in here for…what? Days? Years?”

“I think just minutes,” Beau said. “Probably? I mean…you aren’t dead, are you?”

Caleb raised an eyebrow. “If I am still dreaming, that means I am alive, yes?”

“I have diamonds,” Caduceus said. “Just in case.”

“You’re an expensive boy,” Veth said. “We keep spending gem dust on you.”

“Er…sorry.”

She nudged his shoulder, “Don’t apologize.”

And then Jester produced her holy symbol, hanging off a leather cord on her belt. “O-kay, here we go. When it’s time, I’ll cast the spell. And you’ll be right behind us, Caleb.”

It wasn’t a question. He smiled again. “Of course.”

He watched his friends stand up in the grass and carefully form a circle at the edge of the hill. Another breeze curled through their hair, rustled their robes, made wind chimes of their armor.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

“See you soon, Caleb.”

The murmuring started out faint. Then it grew, swelled and crescendoed and then a flash—

They were gone.

Caleb turned back and gazed out over the hill. He breathed in, breathing in the flowers of Blumenthal, the smoke across the chimneys, the memories of long ago.

“Thank you too,” he said, to whatever was listening. “And you were right. It is when I am with them.”

And this time, when he breathed out, he was home.

—

“Took you long enough. How do you feel?”

“Gods, like…I have been hit by an elephant. Does anyone…ow…does anyone have any water?”

“Shit, uh, drink this—”

“You look really awful.”

“…thank you, Beauregard.”

—

And here, finally, was happiness.

—

✨ Ko-fi in bio✨ | 💜 Writing Tag 💜 | Thank you for reading :3

#critical role #critrole #critfic #fic #fanfiction #long post #SUCH a long post #BUT WE ARE DONE #TWO YEARS LATER WE ARE DONE #jay writes #text #fanfic #where all the dreamers go

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Different Kinds of Love

 Listen. This is self indulgent. It is a rare ship. It requires a lot of knowledge of my own personal head canons.

But we’re here and maybe this might be your jam. If it is, I’d love if you left a comment! 

---

Percy often ran to his workshop when he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. When he was younger and his mother didn’t have time for him because of the babies or he made a fool of himself in his lessons in front of his older brother or his team lost a rugby match because of a catch he’d fumbled, he would shut the door, bar it tight and lose himself in things that made sense to him. Nuts and bolts and neat white diagrams on crisp blue paper that always wanted to roll back up, the smell of shaved metal and solder, they pushed everything else out of his mind.

Percy didn’t have a workshop anymore, it had burned with the rest of it. But the itch was still there, the need for that order and understanding. So he used the key that Babenon had clearly said was only supposed to be for emergencies, technically broke into the garage at two in the morning and went to work.

And it did the trick. Sort of.

If he was laser cutting plastic for fresh headlamp covers, he didn’t have to think about what Caduceus had said, how a voice so calm and soft and simple had shattered everything. If he was welding a new body plate, he didn’t have to think about Vax’s stricken expression, as he’d dropped him off back at the apartment and driven away without a word to where he was going or when he’d be back, unable to not look at how small and scared he’d looked as he’d stood on the curb and cried his name uselessly. If he was scrubbing the rust and grime off old parts to make new again, he didn’t have to think of the hundreds of glances and passing touches and gentle words that now crowded together to make such an obvious pattern that he felt so stupid for not seeing it.

If Percy worked, pushing through the exhaustion and ache in his heart, he didn’t have to think about Shaun Gilmore. Or that was what he told himself.

He hadn’t thought to put the radio on, he’d been so desperate to have a problem he could fix in his hands that he hadn’t taken the time. So he heard the knock on the shutter just fine, startling him out of his fury of work, nearly making him crack the back of his head on the popped hood just above.

Percy’s first thought was that it was Babenon, though he didn’t imagine the crime lord would knock if he thought someone was breaking into his garage practically decorated with stolen parts. It would have been a bullet flying through the shutter rather than a polite request for entry. So as he walked over to press the button to raise it, hope flared in his chest that maybe it was Vax’ildan and he’d be able to throw himself onto his knees and beg forgiveness, that he’d hold him and wrap his wings around them and it would be like tonight hadn’t happened.

What he wasn’t expecting was to see Shaun Gilmore standing on the pavement, looking at him with red rimmed eyes, his usual effortless confidence and style completely gone. Even his hair was unbrushed, flyaways caught in the night breeze.

“Percy…” his voice sounded strained, completing the picture the red eyes had begun, “Can I...can I come in?”

“What are you doing here?” there wasn’t any anger in Percy’s voice, he wasn’t sure there was any in his heart either. He just sounded tired. But he didn’t step aside to let him in.

Gilmore bit his lip, like he’d been expecting that. He was dressed as he had been at Caleb’s party, a loose robe eager to be pulled away, tight, low cut shirt and trousers underneath for whatever lucky boy did the pulling. But now it just looked sad and out of place and he was clearly freezing.

“I thought you might be here after Vax said you weren’t home…”

“You spoke to Vax?” there was the anger, cold like ice cracking underfoot.

Gilmore winced, “Percy, I know you must hate me right now but please, if you just let me explain myself…”

“Are you going to tell me Caduceus was wrong?” Percy interrupted, not in the mood for explanations, “Because if you aren’t then I don’t think there is much more you can say to me, Gilmore.”

He waited, wanting to hear the words so badly but he knew they wouldn’t come. He’d known it from the second after Caduceus had spoken, in his usual, careless way, not understanding that there were some things people wouldn’t want said aloud, unable to see what his words would bring. He’d just spoken.

Because he’s in love with Vax’ildan.

He’d said it so casually, as casually as the question had been thrown out by someone Percy couldn’t even remember, jokingly asking why Gilmore always seemed unable to be his infamous, much prized dominating self with Vax, how he’d always end up softening and giving him anything he wanted seconds after making Mollymauk suffer in the most delicious way. Caduceus didn’t have the same grasp on sarcasm the rest of them did and his wide purple eyes saw things that others didn’t. So when someone had asked, he had answered.

Because he’s in love with Vax’ildan.

Just a handful of words. That had been all that was needed to change everything. One second they were lying around in their blissful post sex haze, pillowing their heads on whoever was close by, fingers wound loosely together, all of them catching their breath and thinking how nice it was to be surrounded by people who cared about you. And then the next second it broke.

Percy’s eyes hadn’t gone to Gilmore after Cad had spoken. He’d looked at Vax’ildan.

And he had seen the exact same expression on his husband’s face that he saw now, on Gilmore’s. The expression that told him everything he needed to know.

Caduceus was right.

“Yeah, I thought so,” he said flatly, about to disappear back inside and get back to things that made sense and would help him forget that another man was in love with his husband. A better man, more put together, more sure of himself, a man who could give Vax’ildan more than he ever could.

“Percy, please,” there were unshed tears in Gilmore’s voice, even for a man who looked like he couldn’t cry any more, “I know I’ve made such a terrible mess of things, I should have said something sooner but I will never forgive myself if I let things get worse.”

Percy looked at him with such deep exhaustion, finger itching to press the button regardless and shut it all away.

But when had that ever really worked for him?

So, with a sigh, he stepped aside and let Gilmore follow him in, hammering the shutter down the second he passed under it and going over to make two cups of coffee. Father had always taught him to be hospitable.

Gilmore hovered awkwardly, looking for a place to sit that wasn’t covered in machine parts or grease smears. He ended up just standing, shuffling his feet in a way that was so unlike the bombastic, theatrical shopkeeper Percy knew. Maybe because he’d always seen him in his own environment, his own space that he’d constructed to feel comfortable within. And now he was in Percy’s space, he was as unsure and small as Percy himself felt everywhere else.

He passed the mug to him, hoping it would put him at some kind of ease and wondering why he cared about that given the circumstances.

“I’m not...mad at Caduceus,” Percy felt the need to say it. He’d been crying when Percy had left the party with only a handful of words, a teary eyed, half dressed Vax in tow.

“I think he knows that,” Gilmore cupped his hands around the mug, “Molly was explaining it to him.”

Percy felt a little better, though not much, “So...just say what you need to say.”

Gilmore reached up and twisted the chain of his ear cuff around his fingers, marshalling his thoughts. Percy had never realised he did that when he was anxious. Maybe he’d just never seen him anxious before.

“I...I do love Vax’ildan,” he eventually murmured, “I can’t deny that. I have for a long time…”

Percy wished he could say the words didn’t hurt, even when he’d been braced for them.

“I know,” he answered, voice shaky, “I didn’t see it before but now...now I think about the way you look at him sometimes, how you would always have something he’d like behind the counter for him and you knew he’d love it before he’d even seen it. How you’d touch his shoulder and always choose him at Caleb’s parties and...and treat him so gently…you don’t do that with anyone else, not in the same way.”

Gilmore looked at him, expression agonised, “And...that’s all you see?”

Percy shrugged, hunching his shoulders, uncomfortable, “I mean, what else is there? You’re kind to him, you can give him things I can’t, you always know what to say when I would get tongue tied…”

Tears were building up behind his glasses and he screwed his eyes shut so they wouldn’t fall. He didn’t want to cry. Being angry would be so much easier, it would hurt less. It would feel less like defeat.

“Percy…” he couldn’t see Gilmore’s face but his voice sounded so soft and sad, “You see all that but...but do you never see the way I do it for you too?”

Percy’s eyes opened and he looked at him, stunned, “What?”

Gilmore sighed, looking like a man baring his heart, “I’m in love with Vax’ildan, Percy...and you. Both of you.”

Percy tried to take that in, unable to find a place for it in amongst all the broken bits inside him, it wouldn’t fit, “I...don’t understand…”

He laughed, the sound more sad than anything, “Oh Percy...is it really so impossible? That someone else could be so clearly loved but you could also have the same?”

Percy was very aware that his jaw was hanging open like a trap and he was gaping like a fish on land, “But...but you don’t touch me or...or anything like what you do with Vax? You don’t flirt with me?”

“Oh, dear, of course not!” Gilmore looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, “You wouldn’t like it! Vax’ildan is so different to you, you would find all of that uncomfortable. I...I tried to find different ways to show how I felt for you. How I feel for you.”

Percy blinked, not noticing his hand had gone slack enough that a thin dribble of coffee was pouring onto his shoes. He was too busy thinking of tens of rare books on engineering Gilmore had suddenly produced from nowhere for him to buy, despite nothing else like that being kept in the store. He was thinking of times when work had been exhausting him and he’d been walking around with bags under his eyes all week, when a word from Gilmore at just the right time would make him smile. He thought of questions Gilmore would ask about his latest projects, the hours he would listen so closely, like he was genuinely interested. He thought of the advice, the attentiveness he’d never seen for what it was until it was held up in front of him.

“Oh…” Percy croaked as Gilmore hurried up and straightened his mug before the coffee soaked into his socks, “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“No, Percy, no,” Gilmore said gently, now close enough that Percy could smell the spice and blossom of his cologne, “You just...aren’t used to thinking of yourself that way, same as Vax’ildan. And it breaks my heart, dear, it really does. And...well, I’d give anything to have the chance to show you just how loved you both are.”

Percy swallowed, grappling with several strong emotions at once, trying to sort out what he needed and didn’t, what he felt and what was false. It was dizzying and the cologne, thick and sweet enough to get drunk on, wasn’t really helping.

“I…” he swallowed, throat dry, “I think we’ll need to talk about it...all three of us…”

“Of course,” Gilmore said quickly, “Of course, I would never do anything the two of you weren’t comfortable with. I just...I needed to finally say how I felt. Keeping it in was hurting all of us and I’m sorry for that.”

Percy shook his head slowly, “You don’t need to be sorry, Shaun. It’s okay...I think I would like to kiss you thought?”

Shaun smiled then, that dazzling, warming smile that Percy knew. And after that it was easy.

It was different to kissing Vax. The scrape of facial hair against his own, the broad hands that settled on his shoulders and on the back of his head, the metallic taste of the gold stud in his tongue. It was different. But in a lot of ways it was the same.

It would take a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, a lot of open and honest conversations that were neither Percy’s nor Vax’s strong suit. But it would work. Somehow it would all click into place and a space they’d never realised was there would be filled.

And neither of them would ever have to wonder if they were loved ever again.

#modern au #crossover #like between the two campaigns #percy de rolo #shaun gilmore #vax'ildan #vaxilmore #percildan #percilmore #does that work as a ship name? #who knows #angst #polyamory negotiations

[allthingsfangirl101]

Chapter 8: Dinner with Fel and Syd

Masterlist

Abby's POV

Just like I had thought, a few hours after Hannah left my apartment my dad called.

"Abigail," he sighed, not hiding his disappointment. I couldn't help but notice that the tone of his voice was the same tone he used when I would come home after curfew.

I only did that once and I was barely a minute late.

"Hannah told me," he started, but I wasn't in the mood for another lecture from him.

"I'm not having this argument with either one of you again. I will say this one last time; I am not planning the wedding until Caleb is home. Also, I am not allowing my step-monster to interfere with mine or Caleb's life. I know you don't understand, but I don't care anymore. If you keep trying to interfere or find a way to sneak yourself into this, you won't be getting an invitation."

"You can't stop your father from coming to your wedding," he challenged.

"Try me."

He was silent, my heartbeat echoing in my ear. I held my breath as I heard him clear his throat.

"If that is the attitude you are going to have, then I won't give you my blessing."

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "Hate to break it to you, dad, but this isn't the 1800s. I don't need your permission to marry the love of my life. If I want to marry Caleb, I will. I know how finding the one you want to spend the rest of your life with is like a sport to you, but it's serious to me. Besides, Caleb has been in my life since high school. If you really didn't like him, you wouldn't have allowed him to be in my life this long. I love Caleb and I know he loves me. I am going to marry him. This wedding, this marriage, is happening with or without you."

"Well then," he cleared his throat. "Let me know when you want our help."

I bit my tongue, tears burning my eyes. "I will let you know if I want your help."

After that conversation, I hung up the phone and angrily threw it on my bed. I left it there as I walked to the kitchen to get myself a much-needed drink. I started to reach for the half-opened bottle of white wine but grabbed a cold beer instead.

I was ten episodes in on Arrow and three beers in my system when I heard the faint sound of my phone ringing upstairs. I got up, my knees shaky from the beers, and headed upstairs. By the time I got there, my phone had stopped ringing.

I was about to turn around and head back downstairs to watch Oliver fight Deathstroke when my phone started ringing again. I sighed as I walked over and leaned down to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, honey." Felicia's sweet voice echoed through the speaker. "You sound tired."

"Yeah," I said, clearing my throat. "I haven't umm I haven't been sleeping much and I keep fighting with my dad about. . ." My voice broke as the tears threatened to stream down my cheeks.

I hadn't talked to Felicia since she took me to the support group. She's texted me here and there to check-in, but that's it.

"Why don't you come over tonight?" She offered. "Syd has been asking about you. I think focusing on your welfare is helping distract her from missing her dad."

"That's," I sighed, not really sure what else to say to her.

"Honey," Felicia sighed. "I know it's been rough with Caleb being gone. Trust me, I understand how hard it is. The only reason I get through it is because I have Syd. I just want to be there for you. Come over tonight. We'll eat dinner, maybe make some cookies, watch a movie, and just relax. Besides, it'll be good for you to get out of your apartment and go somewhere other than work."

I hesitated, my eyes beginning to water. Part of me was grateful to have someone like Felicia who is willing to talk to me. The other part of me wanted to be left alone until he comes home in a few weeks.

"If you want," Felicia added, "after Syd goes to sleep, you and I can stay up all night drinking and talking."

"That," I sighed, giving in. "That sounds amazing. Thank you, Felicia."

"Anytime," she said with a soft giggle. Suddenly, she stopped laughing and cleared her throat. "I'll see you tonight?"

"See you tonight."

I hung up the phone, slowly moving it away from my ear. I sighed, deciding to take a shower to sober up before dinner. I took a shaky breath as the tears began to fall again.

"Why the hell can't I stop crying?" I mumbled, angrily wiping away the tears.

                       * * * * *

I got out of my car and headed up the steps to Felicia's house. After I had hung up with her, I took a shower to sober up before dinner. I put on a small smile as Sydney opened the door.

"Abby!" She said excitedly as she quickly wrapped her arms around my waist. "I've missed you!" She pulled out of the hug, grabbed my hand and led me inside.

She pulled me into the kitchen where Felicia was stirring some pasta.

"Hey, sweetie." She smiled at me.

"Smells great," I said as Syd finally detached herself from me and ran over to the counter.

"Abby, do you want to help me set the table?" Syd asked as she held three plates in her hands.

"Sure," I smiled. As Felicia finished cooking dinner, Syd and I set up the table.

"All done!" Syd said happily as we walked back into the kitchen.

"Great," her mother smiled. "Go wash your hands, please."

Sydney nodded as she turned on her heel and ran to the bathroom. "She seems happy," I smiled as I leaned against the counter.

"Like I said over the phone, she's been really worried about you. Plus, I think she's happy not to have an empty spot at the dinner table."

Felicia stopped talking and looked at me. "You sounded. . .tired when I called earlier. How are you doing?" She whispered.

"I kind of wish people would stop asking me that," I mumbled as I helped her carry that last few things to the table.

"I know," Felicia sighed. "I used to hate when people asked me how I was, mainly because they felt like they had to ask, like they were obligated. But, Abigail, I'm not asking because I feel obligated. I'm asking because I remember how hard it was the first time Mike left. I understand a lot more than those other people. So, do something that I never did."

"What?" I asked quietly.

"Talk to me."

Before I could say anything, Sydney came running into the room. "Are we ready?" She asked, eagerly bouncing on her toes. "I'm starving."

"Yes," Felicia laughed. "Let's dig in."

We sat down and ate dinner, having the traditional small talk. Sydney told countless stories about school and Felicia asked me about work. Of course, I didn't talk about my dad, step-mom or how much I was really struggling with Caleb being gone. I didn't want to say something that would upset Sydney. So, instead, I waited until later to open up.

We spent the rest of the night baking cookies and listening to music. A few hours later, Felicia and I noticed Sydney rubbing her eyes.

"Alright, I think it's time for you to go to bed," Felicia laughed.

"But I'm not tired," Sydney said, a yawn ending her sentence. Felicia and I sent each other knowing looks.

"Why don't I tuck you in?" I offered. That seemed to perk her up. She slid off her chair and headed upstairs. Felicia sent me a smile as she started putting the cookies away.

I walked upstairs and waited as Sydney brushed her teeth, already in her pj's. After she had gargled water and spit it out, she put her toothbrush away and grabbed my hand. We walked to her room, her small hand still in mine.

She got into bed and I pulled the covers up and around her. "There you go. Anything I'm forgetting?" I smiled down at her.

"Nope," she said, popping the 'p'. I was just about to leave when she stopped me. "Abby?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

She hesitated before finally sighing and asking, "Are you okay? Mommy is worried about you and I see how tired you are."

I sighed as I knelt down at the side of her bed. I started playing with her hair as I bit my lip.

"I'm okay, Syd. I just. . . Things have been a little harder than I thought they would be, you know? I mean, I miss Caleb."

"Because you love him. Right?" She cut me off, a small smile on her lips.

"Yes I do," I laughed. "I love him very much."

"Mommy told me you guys are getting married. Like her and daddy."

"She's right," I smiled. I slipped my engagement ring off my finger and showed it to her. "See? Caleb asked me to marry him a few months before he left. And when he comes home we'll finally start planning the wedding."

"Are you excited?" She asked, giving me my ring back. I smiled as I slipped it onto my finger.

"More than I can express to you," I said. I gasped when a tear slid down my cheek and she reached up to catch it.

"Daddy and Caleb are gonna come home. I know it."

I smiled as I leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"You know something, kiddo?" I whispered. "I think you might be right."

                       * * * * *

I walked down the stairs and took a shaky breath. I walked into the kitchen and laughed when I saw that Felicia had already poured two glasses of red wine.

"Ready to talk?" She asked, handing me one. I laughed as we walked into the other room. We sat on the couch, Felicia waiting for me to start.

"I just," I sighed, not entirely sure where to start. "I can't seem to stop crying. There's only a month left until he comes home, but I feel more overwhelmed, more scared, more terrified. And my dad isn't necessarily helping the situation. Every time I turn around, it's like him and my step-mother keep reminding me that there is a possibility of Caleb not coming home, of something happening to him. It kills me how. . . insensitive he's being about this whole thing. It's almost like. . . Like he doesn't want me to marry Caleb. But how could he not? Caleb has always protected me, taken care of me, and been there for me since high school. My dad loved Caleb back when I first met him. He once said, "Abigail, that boy would sell his soul for you." It took me a while to realize it, but he was right. Caleb would do anything for me. Even give up his dream of working on an oil rig to make sure I was happy. Sometimes. . . Sometimes, I wish I had asked him to stay."

"Abigail," Felicia sighed. "You don't mean that. I know it's been hard, but I also know how proud you are of Caleb."

"I just. . ." My voice broke as a sob got caught in my throat. "I miss him so much, Fel."

When the sob escaped my lips, she grabbed my glass, put hers and mine on the coffee table and pulled me into her chest. Finally crying with someone to hold me, felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

"I know, sweetheart." She said softly as she ran her fingers through my hair. I couldn't help but think about how she acted more like a mom to me than my own step-mother.

I spent the rest of the night, talking to Felicia about everything I've been feeling. When I talked to her about not wanting to plan the wedding, she completely understood. She told me that she felt a similar way the first time Mike left. His first time, she was pregnant with Sydney. She was just as hesitant to build the nursery or even have her baby shower without Mike as I was to plan the wedding without Caleb.

We talked about my dad and step-mom crossing boundaries and their over-generous suggestions. Surprisingly to me, Felicia agreed and understood when I said that having my dad pay for the wedding would mean they would take over the planning. She agreed that Caleb and I should be able to make our own mistakes. She laughed at my father's suggestion of us living with them. Apparently, while Mike was gone after Felicia had Sydney, they moved in with her parents.

"It was helpful. At times," she added with a knowing smirk. "But I couldn't take the judgmental looks or the conversations with my mom about Mike being gone. It got too much for me. So sweetie, if you don't think it's a good idea to move in with your father and Hannah, then don't. Remember, this is your life. You love Caleb and he loves you. I just want you both to be happy."

"And we are. I think," I stuttered. "I just. . . I don't know how much longer I can do this, Felicia. I have to hand it to you. You guys have done this for years. I've only done this for two months and it's kicking my ass. What if he wants to do this again? What if he wants to go back? What if once wasn't enough? What if. . ."

My breathing had sped up, the anxiety attack building.

"Abigail," Felicia said quickly. "Calm down, sweetheart. You don't know that. You don't know if he wants to go back. You don't know whether or not once is enough. You don't know what will happen. And you won't know unless you ask him. But for now? Focus on him coming home in a few weeks. Then you can talk about him wanting to or not wanting to go back and do it again."

"I couldn't. . . I couldn't go through this again. I'm not like you, Felicia. I can't do this again. Our love is strong, don't get me wrong. It's just. . . I'm not strong enough. I need him, Felicia. I need Caleb."

"Abigail," she said sternly, grabbing my shoulders and making me look at her. "You need to breathe, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay. Caleb would never put you through this again. Not if he knew how this was affecting you."

She stopped talking when she saw the look on my face. "Abby," she elongated. "Caleb knows how much you're struggling. Right?"

"Sort of," I whispered. I sighed when I saw the disappointed look on her face. "He knows about my dad, but he doesn't know everything."

"So, he doesn't know how scared you are? How lonely? How you don't sleep?"

I bit my lip, shaking my head. She grabbed my hands and looked at me intently. "Honey, you have to tell him. Tell him the truth. Tell him everything. He deserves to know how much of a hard time you're having."

"I can't," I stuttered. "If I do. . . I don't want to burden him with it."

"Burden him? Abigail, he loves you and deserves to know."

"I don't want to distract him. He doesn't. . . He doesn't need that."

"Doesn't need what? To know how his fiancé is feeling? To know that the love of his life is scared?"

"I just. . . I can't tell him. I know how he'll get. He'll start stressing, overthinking about things. And eventually will stop sleeping. It's better if I don't say anything to him."

She sighed when she saw the look on my face. She grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers and sent me a small smile.

"Okay," she said softly. She looked around the room before looking back at me with a small smile on her face. "I'm gonna be right back, okay? I'm gonna make sure the AC isn't on upstairs or else Syd's room will freeze."

I nodded as she walked upstairs. I slumped back into the couch and looked around the room. I always loved their house. The way it was decorated reminded me of how my mom used to decorate.

I laid down on the couch when I suddenly felt exhausted. I closed my eyes, not being able to keep them open any longer. My breathing slowed as I heard footsteps, followed by a small laugh.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart," Felicia whispered as she placed a blanket over my body.

#A Lover's Dream #deepwater horizon #caleb halloway #caleb halloway fanfic #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien fanfic

[neoarchipelago]

Blood Red Marker and Binary Code (John wick x reader one shot)

AN: where was I even going with this? Idk, Anon, I hope you enjoy it ! 

Request: John comes to the reader with a marker, they both love each other but none seems to realize it.

Word count: 3 910

Warnings: cursing, alcohol?

____________

You walked through the enormous hall of the Louvre. The wonderful stone walls, the beautiful ceiling, everything was perfect. The sound of your heels on the floor made you feel powerful, your black dress hugging your curves perfectly. It was after all handmade by one of the best tailors in Paris. You walked through the empty halls, watching every sculpture, every painting that adorned the walls of the museum. You had recently finished a contract and instead of accepting money, that clearly you were tired of having, you asked for another reward. Something unique, that only you would have the right to live, you and maybe Beyonce in her clip, having the Louvre at night only for you. 

You've always enjoyed it, you spent hours watching the numerous pieces of art that made your mind travel through history, time and space. You enjoyed the fact that your work made you able to witness such things with such privileges. You watched as you spun around in the middle of such perfect masterpiece, you felt blessed, you felt powerful like a goddess. That was your name in the underground world. The Goddess. You knew how to fight and you were good at it but that's not how you earned your nickname. You were the best hacker in the world. Nothing could escape you, you were omnipotent. You knew everything, saw everything you had proof and files about everyone in the world, even the High table. Even the most confidential files of the underground that were kept written by hand had to, at some point, be sent through computers linked to the satellite. 

You sighed closing your eyes for a second. You listened to the deafening silence of the building. You only opened your eyes to sit down on a bench, and then closed them again. Yes you were lucky. You had been an assassin for quite a while now. Your phone suddenly rang as you opened your eyes again. You took the phone in your hand and softly smiled at the name. 

"Caleb, why aren't you in bed yet?" You asked a soft smirk on your lips. 

"Oh come on (y/n)! It's not that late!" You chuckled at your brother's whining tone. 

"You have school tomorrow, you have to go to sleep. I'll be home in a minute alright?" You said as you stood up. 

"Wait, I called cuz I need to tell you that someone's here, he wants to see you." You froze and you heart dropped. 

"Who's there Caleb?" You said in a cold tone. 

"Your friend John Wick, remember the one from a few years ago?" 

Your breath hitched and you closed your eyes. How to forget a man like John exactly? He was quite unforgettable. 

"Alright, hand him the phone will you Caleb?" 

You heard the phone being passed to someone and you closed your eyes, letting out a shaky breath at the sound of the voice you heard.

"(y/n)."

"John. I need to ask you. Are you here to kill me, or my brother?" You said in a cold voice. 

"No. I'd never..." You sighed of relief. 

"Alright, i'll be home in 5 minutes." You spoke, cutting him off.

"I'll be waiting." 

You hung up and walked back to the hall of the museum, the sound of your heels on the floor echoing through the halls and staircase, the only thing breaking the peaceful silence. 

You reached your car, a jaguar F-type, that of course you weren't driving but you had someone driving it for you. After all you've been through you earned it. You smiled at the man. Anyone would have been weird out by him, a tall slim man, with half long hair to the side and completely cut short on the other, tattoos and piercings, and wearing a white shirt with rolled sleeves and a black waistcoat. 

''On part déjà madame?" He asked with a smile yet a confused look. (Are we already leaving miss?)

"Oui Jay', je dois rentrer le plus vite possible, tu peux faire ça pour moi s'il-te-plaît ?" You asked as he opened the car door and you sat down. (Yes Jay, i need to go home as fast as possible, could you do that for me please?)

"Je pensais que vous ne me le demanderiez jamais madame!" He answered with a naughty smile as he closed the door, and you rolled your eyes. (I thought you'd never ask miss!)

He sat down on the driver's seat and turned on the car making it roar. You decided to put on your seatbelt because clearly you might have asked the devil to play with fire. The fast start made you groan but you had asked for it after all. The ride home didn't took long, firstly it wasn't that far and secondly Jay had taken your request very seriously. You felt a bit nauseous when you stepped out of the car, but a few deep breaths and you were back on your heels. Jay' threw the keys to another one of your assistants, and opened the building door for you. You had bought an apartment here on the 6th arrondissement de Paris, in a luxurious building, where the two last floors were yours. You reached the elevator with Jay' and he introduced the key that allowed you to push the button to your apartment. 

You took another deep breath as the elevator made his way up, and looked at Jay' who gave you a wink. You smirked at him. When the elevator doors opened into your hallway you didn't hesitate a second, stepping in, the sound of your heels clicking on the marble floor. You could hear people talking in your living room, and made your way to the two open french doors. You froze at the entrance watching, amazed, the scene that displayed before you. Your little brother Caleb was on the couch, sitting next to John Wick, THE BABA YAGA, playing Mortal Kombat on PS4. You leaned against the door frame, folding your arms and arching a brow at the scene. Jay' suddenly appeared next to you and you shared a look before softly chuckling. Caleb was a sweet boy, he'd make even the worst killer on this planet turn into a child. 

You cleared your throat making your brother jump and John turn to you. Your eyes met his and you tried to avoid blushing as you quickly looked away. 

"I thought I told you to go to sleep Caleb?" You asked while arching a brow at the boy. 

"I know I know, but wait, I just want to finish this with J-" before he could finish his words the screen displayed a large, red 'Game over'. Caleb groaned at the unfairness of the fight before turning off the console. You smiled softly at him as he passed next to you, mumbling a 'good night' to you and John. You took a few seconds before looking back at John, who had now stood up and was staring at you. You felt his eyes roam over your body and you couldn't deny the heat it raised through you. 

You could easily remember how you two had met, in the bar of the Continental. You remember the mess you were in and how things unfolded after that. 

You stepped inside of the living room as Jay' vanished quickly. You got closer to John.

"John…" you said staring at him. 

"(Y/n)." He said sharing your look. 

"What may I owe this pleasure exactly?" You said with a smile. 

He smiled back at you. Jay' entered the room, a wine bottle in hand, and two wine cups. He put them down on the marble and gold coffee table in between the couch and the fireplace where the TV hang. 

"Merci Jay'." You said nodding as he left the room, closing the two french doors. 

"Take a sit, I feel like we have a lot to talk about." You said turning back to John, this time with a serious tone. 

He nodded as you both sat on the couch. You poured two glasses of wine and took yours in hand. John was hesitant and you started to worry when he refused to take his and stared at you. No words had been exchanged yet and you felt the air getting heavier. John reached for his pocket and your breath hitched at the sight of the marker he put down on the coffee table. What exactly were you expecting? That he would never ask for a returning favor ? That he was here for you perhaps? 

The last thought made your heart ache. John would never be here just for you. After all… you were the only one in love here. You looked at him in the eyes as you sighed. He still looked as perfect as the day you asked for his help. Your heart fluttering at the thought. 

"I'm sorry (y/n)." John's raspy voice brought you back to reality. 

"Don't be. That's the deal of having a marker I suppose. It had to happen one day." You said taking a sip on the wine and leaning back on the couch. 

"Your brother has grown." He said again, with a smile. 

You couldn't keep yourself from smiling back. 

"He has, hasn't he?" You said sharing a look. 

"He looks a lot like you." He added.

"Like me?" You said in a chuckle. 

"Yes. He's determined, kind-hearted." John listed as you blushed at the compliments. 

"He is the most important thing in my life John." You said in a whisper, looking directly into his obsidian eyes. 

"I know. I remember." He said in the same tone.

It had been a few years after all those awful events. You were even younger then, alone taking care of a small blue eyed boy that you were trying to keep safe. You and your brother were orphans, and you had quickly put your talent of hacker into the underground world to win as much money as possible. Many appreciated your work and you had won a lot of clients but you also made a lot of enemies. At some point it had become too dangerous to even leave the Continental where you and your brother had a room. He had been a target to get revenge on you and you would have done anything to keep him safe, even get a marker with the Baba Yaga. 

You had met John, who had accepted your marker and helped you get rid of any enemies that wanted you or your brother dead. You remember how you two had become friends, your little brother adored him and you had felt your heart beat faster when you looked into his eyes. You had spent many months together even after that, as friends. Taking care of your brother as you were slowly building your empire. Eventually your paths had gone separate ways, and your heart still aches at the thought. You couldn't deny the feelings that had grown for him since the first time your eyes met. 

The way he made you shiver under his gaze, the way he made you feel safe. You remembered the way it almost felt like you three were a family during those moments. It felt like the world was alright. And then he had vanished, saying he had work to do. You weren't angry at him, after all you knew him for being the Baba Yaga, and you didn't expect him to change at all. 

"So tell me. What do you need me to do?" You asked, pushing away every thought that roamed your head. 

John sat a bit more straight and took a more serious tone. It made you almost shiver to hear his husky voice. 

"I have a contract on a target here in Paris. But he is in a very high security building. Cameras and alarms everywhere." 

You nodded. 

"You need me to help you get through those?"

"Exactly. Is there any way for you to help me through it?" He asked, watching you intensely. 

You thought for a minute thinking about the different possibilities and plans you could go through. It didn't sound that hard, it was perfectly manageable. You nodded to him.  

"When does it need to be done?" You asked again taking a sip of your wine.

"Tonight." 

You slightly choked on your beverage and remembered how John could sometimes be impatient. You sighed, throwing him a dark look. You still had to help him as best as you could. 

"Alright. Follow me." You said standing up. You quickly took off your heels though, after all your brother was in bed, and it was no point on waking him up. You walked out of the living room, being greeted by Jay once again. 

"Aide moi s'il te plaît. Je dois équipé Monsieur Wick avec une oreillette."(Help me please, I need to equip mister wick with an earpiece.) You said, walking to the far end of the hallway, to the door on the right.

Jay followed you nodding as John stood right behind as well. You looked at the digit pad and threw in a your code as the door finally unlocked. 

You stepped into your little cave, your perfect little place. The room was dark, only lit by many screens who displayed various places, people, maps, entire files or even some had just some 0 and 1 running across the screen. A desk was set with a comfy chair, and various monitors were neatly spread across the room with other types of electronics. You sat down on your chair, taking a glance at John who was looking around the room.

"John?" You softly called. 

"Yes?" 

"I'm going to need the address of the building."

He nodded as he walked towards you. You gave him a pencil and a notepad for him to write down the address for you.  You quickly started to do your thing, looking for the IP addresses nearby that location, any possible entry or information on the security the building was provided with. 

"What are you doing?" John asked. 

"Checking if I can grant your wish tonight. I'm checking the difficulty of a possible breach, if the security is high or low. If I can do it tonight or if i'm going to need a bit more of time." 

John stayed silent, but you were too focused on your task to even notice him staring at you in fascination. Jay had noticed, and was smiling from the corner of the room. 

After a few minutes you managed to get enough information on the security system and overall it wasn't so hard to break in. 

"Alright. Let's do this." You said turning your chair to John. Jay approached him, ready to equip him with the necessary attire. 

"You will have this device on you. It's an earpiece. You will be able to hear everything I say, and I will hear you as well. I will guide you with my view on the cameras, as I break down the system bit by bit, or otherwise they'll notice me. Do not advance if I don't give you the order to. John. Are you listening to me?" You asked slightly exasperated. 

"This looks like the matrix. Was is that?" John asked pointing at the black and green screen that had 0 and 1 running all over.

"That is from the matrix. That is my live screensaver John." You said slightly amused. 

He looked at you slightly frowning as you snickered. 

"Are you ready?" You asked. 

"Yes." 

"Do you have your guns?

"What kind of questions is that?" He asked smirking. 

You rolled your eyes, but smiled nonetheless. You took a deep breath as Jay nodded your way again, notifying you that John was equipped. 

"Alright. Let's get started. Shall we?" 

010101 •

John had finally reached the building when you heard him speak through the device. 

"I'm here." 

"Alright. Give me 5 minutes and you can walk in." 

You took a deep breath and got to work. You were used to this, but somehow you were slightly shaking as your fingers pushed the keys on the keyboard. John's safety was in your hands. 

"You can go." 

You watched through the many screens, John's path through the building as you, step by step, hacked the security system and the cameras to make it look like nothing was happening. You watched John get rid of every security guard you could warn him of as he slowly made his way up to his target. Your heart was beating unusually fast for the task, as you were more anxious than any previous contract you had worked on. You couldn't deny how seeing John work was turning you on maybe just a bit. He looked powerful. But you quickly shook that feeling away, now wasn't the moment. 

Reaching the level where his target was situated, he stopped right after stepping out of the elevator. 

"Alright. This has much more cameras John. You're going to need to wait a bit longer…" you spoke, getting to work immediately.

"I don't have time (y/n)." You heard him say. 

"Be patient please…" you tried. 

"Thanks for helping, but I got this now." 

You froze as you quickly looked at the screen, seeing John take off the earpiece and… run. You gasped. 

"You...PERFECT IDIOT!" you yelled to yourself. 

It took you a second to react after your sudden outburst of anger. You still managed to get your mind focus on your work. Thanks to John you had to change the plan. You quickly took the task to completely shut down the security system and cameras, leaving perhaps enough time for John to leave the building. One by one each barrier of the security system shut down and finally the entire building was now completely out of security cameras. You left a small virus as a gift, making sure that it would take time for even the best hackers to fix everything. You were out of breath without even really knowing why. You looked around at the room, at the mess you had created. Even you couldn't see where John was now. You just stared in silence, before whispering a few last words. 

"I don't know what would I do if something happened to you John…" 

You stood up and left the room. There was no point in staying there anymore. You heard the distinct sound of the door locking itself behind you. You leaned against it for a second, taking a few deep breaths. Should you go check on him? Was he alright? Was he even going to tell you if he was? Or was he simply going to vanish? You shook your head and walked to your room. You were definitely getting sick of being into that stupid dress that seemed to have lost all it's charm to you in the mere time of an evening. You got into pajamas, some shorts and a matching top. 

You found yourself unable to lay down at all. You just walked back to the living room where you sat on the couch, sipping on that bottle of wine from earlier. The minutes seemed to stretch like hours. You glanced a few times to your phone, hoping for a message at least. You didn't know how to feel. Angry, furious, anxious, or break down into tears. You wanted to kill the man but also kiss him as if it was the last thing you'd ever do. Tears began to overflow when Jay walked into the living room. 

"Madame?" 

"Oui Jay?" You spoke trying to hide your current mood. 

"Monsieur Wick est en bas et désire vous voir." (Mister wick is down stairs and wishes to see you) 

You jumped up when you heard him speak. 

"What?" You asked in disbelief. 

"I let him in. Just in case." Jay said, his voice tainted in a heavy accent, and a smirk on his face. 

You stared at the spot where Jay stood a few seconds ago. John came back? The marker had been fulfilled though. Why? You were lost in thoughts when John's figure finally showed up at the living room's entrance. Your actions spoke faster than your brain and you found yourself throwing him the nearest pillow as tears finally began to fall down your cheeks. 

"What the fuck (y/n)?" John asked, slightly confused by the attack.

"What the fuck? I'm not going to yell because Caleb is sleeping, but you are the biggest idiot I've ever had to meet, do you know that?" You spoke out, trying to sound as angry as possible without yelling, frowning as the tears soaked your cheeks.

"And yet you still wouldn't know what to do if something happened to me…" 

You froze staring at him wide eyed. How in the whole world had he heard you? 

"How..?" You asked confused but unable to move as he stepped forward, still holding the pillow.  

"The device still worked. I had taken it out of my ear but put it back in when I realized you put up a mess in their system."

He spoke as he kept walking to you.

You were staring at him, feeling him get closer and closer. 

"John…" you tried. 

"How long? How long have you been feeling like this?" He asked, now only a few inches from you. 

"What, that I've known that you are an idiot?" You whispered, trying to throw the last remains of your pride at him. 

He simply smirked and wiped one of your tears with his thumb. You closed your eyes at the feeling, too afraid to open them again as you spoake again.

"Since you helped me a few years ago…" 

You knew he was going to reject you, but there's nothing you could do to avoid it now. 

"Silly girl." 

Yes you were stupid, but hearing him say it hurt more than you thought. It was however completely confusing to you when you felt his lips on yours. You forgot how to breath for a moment, or even how to react. His arms had wrapped around your waist, letting the pillow fall down on the ground with a soft 'thud'. You finally responded to his kiss when your mind started to embrace reality again, your hand reaching to touch his cheek. You felt him pull you in closer as he softly bit your lower lip, making you gasp. The taste of his tongue made you feel dizzy, as the passionate kiss seems to sweep you off your feet. You didn't exactly know how long it lasted, but when you pulled apart you were both slightly out of breath. It took a minute before anything was spoken. 

"I never thought you did…" he whispered. 

"Why not? You are the one who got away…" you said, feeling your heart ache at the memory.

"I did… because.. I was getting too attached to you and caleb. And I didn't think you would ever see me the way I see you." His words made you smile. 

"And how do you see me John?" 

"I… love you." You smiled even brighter at his words. Cupping his face with both of your hands. 

"You really are an idiot John, cuz I really love you too." 

John immediately pulled you back in for a kiss that you have been craving for way too many years. Perhaps this time he'd stay.

---------

Tags:

@thatbemyhouse @magdazwolska

#keanu reeves x reader #john wick #johnwickgif #john wick series #john wick x reader #keanugifs #keanugif #keanu reeves #fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic

[iamknicole]

Switch

HAHN X The Oval

To say that Victoria was pissed would be an understatement. Her sister tried to talk her out of going to her son to be ex husband's house but it didn't work. She sat outside the house, debating on what to do to her son and then it caught her eye. A smirk on her face, she got out of her car and locked. She walked around the front yard for a few minutes before finding what she was looking for.

When the maid let her in, she brushes by her with a quick greeting and called out for her son. Hearing his name, Jason came out of his room and peered over the banister.

"You actually came? I'm shocked." He sassed.

Victoria looked him up and down, her face turned up in disgust. "Why the hell are you naked? Know what ... it doesn't matter bring your ass down here, NOW!"

The maid scurried off just as quick as Jason rushed down the stairs. He may have been a lot of things but he was smart enough to know when his mother was pissed. There he stood, completely naked in front of her with his hands covering himself.

"Ma'am?"

"Don't you 'ma'am' me, you little bastard. What in the hell were you thinking?" She yelled starting directly into his eyes.

"I ... I was just having fun. Dad Landen and Kyle told me it would be okay."

"Your father, Landen and Kyle," she repeated stepping closer to him, "They told you that it was okay to jack off while hovering over a sleeping pregnant woman who just happens to be the first lady? The woman whose family biological and otherwise would put ours to shame? The woman who is married to the most powerful man in the world?"

Jason tried to stutter an answer but nothing came out and Victoria mocked him.

"Spit it the hell out! I'm tired of playing these games with you, I figured since your sister got her act together you would too. But I see you need more."

"I ... I ... I couldn't control myself," he shrugged, "She just looked so good laying there. I didn't think she'd wake up, I was hoping she wouldn't."

Victoria looked at her son realizing that he'd started to touch himself again and rolled her eyes disgusted with him. She pulled out the switch she'd picked outside and started to hit him with it.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked as the switch made contact with his skin repeatedly. "I don't know what you got in your mind but it stops now! Do you hear me?"

For about ten minutes, Victoria whooped him with the switch ignoring his crying. Whatever disgusting and evil thoughts he was having, she was making sure they never materialized. Once she was done she stupid back dropping the switch and fixed her top.

"Get your ass up and get in the car," she demanded calmly.

Jason started at her with tears streaming down his face. She smiled at all the welts the switch made all over him.

"I'm in pain, I need a doctor."

"No, what you need is to get your perverted ass in this car. You have 2 minutes."

"I'm naked," he cried.

"Darling, you didn't seem to care about that all those times in the White House or today when I came here." Victoria gripped his face digging her nails into his skin. "Get your nasty ass into that car right damn now or i will go very another switch and beat your ass again."

Jason rushed as fast as he could out the door to the car making Veronica laugh. She left the house leaving the door wide open. When she left the house, she knew exactly where she was going.

"Stay here, do not move," she told her son before getting out. Moving quickly and gracefully, Victoria walked up the stoop of the house she pulled up to and knocked lightly.

Cameron opened the door and smiled, "Nice to see you, Victoria. You came to see the baby? Lainey was just talking about you."

She stepped inside smiling and across his hug. He walked her to the living room without giving her a chance to answer. Lainey went to hug her.

"You usually call when you're on the way but I'm glad to see you. I know you been dying to see Charleigh."

"I have," she smiled, "But first can I borrow your father and brothers and possibly your husband? I've got something in my car I need help with."

Lainey stared at her for a second then noticed the smile and brow raise. "Oh, yeah sure. You guys don't mind, right? Baby, give her to Chrissy."

"Like hell," Cameron mumbled.

Lainey pinched him and pushed him towards the front door. Once they were all outside, Victoria pulled the backdoor off her car open and stood back. Eddie pulled out his gun and took the safety off.

"I been waitin on you, boy," He said with an smile.

Benny frowned, "Why is he naked?"

"When I got to his father's house that's how he came out of his room," Veronica explained calmlythen snapped at her son. "Let's go. Get outta my car."

"What? No. They're gonna beat my ass."

"Us beatin ya ass is the least of ya worries," Zion told him a slight frown on his face.

"Get the hell outta my car, boy. I'm not playing with you. I told you I wasn't saving you anymore," she fussed pulling him out, "Your gonna find out what happens to perverts."

Charles had an SUV pull up and wait.

Jason stood there nervously covering himself until he saw Lainey. A small, sick smile took over his face.

"First Lady, you look nice."

Eddie put his gun to his temple, "If that thing so much as twitches in my sister's direction I will blow it off then your brains out the back of your head. You got that?"

Caleb out his hand in his son's shoulder, "Not yet, Eddie. We got him, Victoria."

"He's gonna go for a lil ride while you come see the baby," Charles added. He directed two of the secret service to grab Jason and put him in the back of the waiting SUV.

#hahn x the oval #hahn #the oval #have and have nots #charles & lainey

[lgbtqareads]

15 Books I Want To Read That are Releasing in the Next 6 Monthes

Every six monthes, I am excited to see the new LGBTQA+ YA books of the next monthes and while thos December, I was a little weirded out to not find them on B&N Teen previews, I was happy to see that Dahlia Adler posted her lists and opinions at lgbtqreads.com. So, of course I went through and narrowed the list from 72 to 34 to 15, only choosing books that I felt I really wanted to read and not just fall for all the amazing synopses and covers, which let's be honest, are all truly masterpieces.

But enough introduction. Let's get into my to be bought (and read) list of the first six monthes of 2020:

We Used to Be Friends by Amy Spalding - JANUARY 7TH

Goodreads Synopsis: Told in dual timelines—half of the chapters moving forward in time and half moving backward—We Used to Be Friends explores the most traumatic breakup of all: that of childhood besties. At the start of their senior year in high school, James (a girl with a boy’s name) and Kat are inseparable, but by graduation, they’re no longer friends. James prepares to head off to college as she reflects on the dissolution of her friendship with Kat while, in alternating chapters, Kat thinks about being newly in love with her first girlfriend and having a future that feels wide open. Over the course of senior year, Kat wants nothing more than James to continue to be her steady rock, as James worries that everything she believes about love and her future is a lie when her high-school sweetheart parents announce they’re getting a divorce. Funny, honest, and full of heart, We Used to Be Friends tells of the pains of growing up and growing apart.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Relationship breakups may be heavily covered in YA, but friendship breakup stories are still few and far between. Enter the story of James and Kat, two girls who were once beyond close and now watch their friendship unravel as college nears. Things are complicated for both girls: James’s mother has left her and her father for another guy, and she doesn’t know how to talk about it, not even to Kat or her still-too-present ex, Logan. Kat’s discovering that her feelings for her new friend Quinn aren’t strictly “friendly,” and in fact, she’s realizing she’s bisexual and falling head over heels for a girl. It’s a bittersweet story to be sure, and while it definitely has its fun scenes, close moments, painful familial interactions, and tingly romance (what Spalding book doesn’t??), you’ll spend much of the book wishing you could push the characters together and say “Just talk already”…but isn’t that exactly how life goes?

My Opinion: As someone who has been through too many friendship breakups to count, this read is going to be devastating. But I put this book on my list for one reason: the synopsis made it feel so much like life that I couldn't help but feel that the story would pull me into James and Kat's universe and tear my heart into pieces. I absolutely cannot wait to have my heartbroken.

-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×

The Gravity of Us by Phil Stamper - FEBRUARY 4TH

Goodreads Synopsis: As a successful social media journalist with half a million followers, seventeen-year-old Cal is used to sharing his life online. But when his pilot father is selected for a highly publicized NASA mission to Mars, Cal and his family relocate from Brooklyn to Houston and are thrust into a media circus.

Amidst the chaos, Cal meets sensitive and mysterious Leon, another “Astrokid,” and finds himself falling head over heels—fast. As the frenzy around the mission grows, so does their connection. But when secrets about the program are uncovered, Cal must find a way to reveal the truth without hurting the people who have become most important to him.

Expertly capturing the thrill of first love and the self-doubt all teens feel, debut author Phil Stamper is a new talent to watch.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: This is a lovely and bighearted debut chock full of space nerdery, big dreams, new beginnings, and social media scandal. Cal’s life is completely uprooted when his dad shocks them all by being chosen for a space mission, something his family had never taken seriously as a lifelong dream. Worst of all, he’s forbidden from documenting life in the new compound, forcing him to leave his massive social media following behind. On the bright side, there’s Leon, son of another astronaut on the program and immediate thief of Cal’s heart. But when things go awry in the program and secrets are revealed, Cal will have to decide exactly what he’s willing to do to get the truth out there, and who he’s willing to lose.

My Opinion: Social Media? Media circus? Texas? NASA? First loves? And a choice that could implode Cal's life from the inside? The name Cal? Other than Texas, a state which I hate, all of this adds up to something good, hopefully so good that I can forget that Texas is involved at all. So, basically, it has to reach Red, White, and Royal Blue levels, which is the only book so far that has made me like Texas at all. But I trust that it will do well. Plus it was reviewed by 4 of authors on my queer bookshelf - Becky Albertalli, Adam Silvera, Shaun David Hutchinson, and Caleb Roehrig. Bonus points for not being a graphic novel like I feared it was.

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Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales -MARCH 3RD

Goodreads Synopsis: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda meets Clueless, inspired by Grease.

When Ollie meets his dream guy, Will, over summer break, he thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After. But once summer’s ended, Will stops texting him back, and Ollie finds himself one prince short of a fairytale ending. To complicate the fairytale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country—Will’s school—where Ollie finds that the sweet, affectionate and comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted—and, to be honest, a bit of a jerk.

Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship. But as Will starts ‘coincidentally’ popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again.

Right? Right.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Grease goes gay YA in this rom-com about two boys whose dreamy summer fling comes crashing into a harsh reality when our lead, Oliver, transfers to Will’s school thanks to a family crisis-driven move, only to find out Will isn’t Out and isn’t about to be. As Ollie finds his own ways to settle in, he can’t seem to shake Will’s presence. But whether there’s a future for them remains to be seen. This sophomore novel is warmly delightful and delightfully warm, with some tears on the side for the aforementioned family crisis, and some hard-earned queer solidarity is the icing on the cake. 

My Opinion: The last musical-ly queer book I read was What If It's Us? so Ollie and Will have a lot to live up to, but it gets points for getting an Instagram shoutout from Becky Albertalli herself. From the synopses, it sounds like a case of strangers to lovers to strangers to maybe friends to maybe something more and hopefully a happy ending, but what I look forward to the most is rewriting Summer Nights as I read this book.

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Super Adjacent by Crystal Cestari - MARCH 17TH

Goodreads Synopsis: Claire has always wanted to work with superheroes, from collecting Warrior Nation cards as a kid to drafting "What to Say to a Hero" speeches in her diary. Now that she's landed a coveted internship with the Chicago branch of Warrior Nation, Claire is ready to prove she belongs, super or not. But complicating plans is the newest WarNat hero, Girl Power (aka Joy), who happens to be egotistical and self-important ... and pretty adorable.

Bridgette, meanwhile, wants out of WarNat. After years of dating the famous Vaporizer (aka Matt), she's sick of playing second, or third, or five-hundredth fiddle to all the people-in-peril in the city of Chicago. Of course, once Bridgette meets Claire-who's clearly in need of a mentor and wingman-giving up WarNat becomes slightly more complicated. It becomes a lot more complicated when Joy, Matt, and the rest of the heroes go missing, leaving only Claire and Bridgette to save the day.

In this fresh and funny take on the world of supers, author Crystal Cestari spotlights what it's like to be the seemingly non-super half of a dynamic duo with banter-filled romance and bold rescues perfect for readers seeking a great escape.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Claire is a superhero fangirl, a card-carrying member of Warrior Nation. And when she finds an unexpected way (with some unexpected help) into winning an internship with the Chicago WarNat branch, it should be everything she’s ever dreamed of. But that unexpected help is proving very difficult to work with; it’s in the form of Girl Power (aka Joy), the newest hero and a pain in Claire’s butt. A very, very cute pain in Claire’s butt.  But distraction or no distraction, Claire’s determined to prove herself, especially when she and Bridgette, a WarNat, who’s tired of being “the girlfriend” to an even more famous hero, decides to mentor her and they end up having to be exactly the heroes Chicago needs. 

My Opinion: Two words. Super. Heroes.

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Music From Another World by Robin Talley - MARCH 31ST

Goodreads Synopsis: It’s summer 1977 and closeted lesbian Tammy Larson can’t be herself anywhere. Not at her strict Christian high school, not at her conservative Orange County church and certainly not at home, where her ultrareligious aunt relentlessly organizes antigay political campaigns. Tammy’s only outlet is writing secret letters in her diary to gay civil rights activist Harvey Milk…until she’s matched with a real-life pen pal who changes everything.

Sharon Hawkins bonds with Tammy over punk music and carefully shared secrets, and soon their letters become the one place she can be honest. The rest of her life in San Francisco is full of lies. The kind she tells for others—like helping her gay brother hide the truth from their mom—and the kind she tells herself. But as antigay fervor in America reaches a frightening new pitch, Sharon and Tammy must rely on their long-distance friendship to discover their deeply personal truths, what they’ll stand for…and who they’ll rise against.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Talley is one of queer YA’s most prolific genre jumpers, but she seems to be making herself beautifully at home in historical with this follow-up to 2018’s Pulp, again set amid a context of vital queer American history. This time around, it’s 1977, and Tammy Larson would love more than anything to come out of the closet as a lesbian, but that’s a major no-go where she lives. Her only outlet is to write “letters” to the activist Harvey Milk, at least until she’s matched with a pen pal to whom she can write letters for real. Sharon makes for a much better companion than Tammy’s diary, and she can sympathize, given her brother is gay and feeling all the same misery in the wake of Anita Bryant’s leading to a successful repeal of their protections. Together they’ll find their own brand of activism and learn to fight back against a world of hate. 

My Opinion: Ever since reading Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden, I have been craving more historical sapphic girls. With Pulp in my Kindle library and this in my future shopping cart + Casey McQuiston's time traveling book in 2021, I am bound to get a fix for that craving soon. Hopefully, it will also cure heartbreak.

Loveless by Alice Oseman - APRIL 2ND

Goodreads Synopsis: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman – one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.

Georgia feels loveless – in the romantic sense, anyway. She’s eighteen, never been in a relationship, or even had a crush on a single person in her whole life. She thinks she's an anomaly, people call her weird, and she feels a little broken. But she still adores romance – weddings, fan fiction, and happily ever afters. She knows she’ll find her person one day … right?

After a disastrous summer, Georgia is now at university, hundreds of miles from home. She is more determined than ever to find love – and her annoying roommate, Rooney, is a bit of a love expert, so perhaps she can help.

But maybe Georgia just doesn’t feel that way about guys. Or girls. Or anyone at all. Maybe that's okay. Maybe she can find happiness without falling in love. And maybe Rooney is a little more loveless than she first appears.

LOVELESS is a journey of identity, self-acceptance, and finding out how many different types of love there really are. And that no one is really loveless after all.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Oseman’s crossed the pond before with Radio Silence, so this American’s fingers are crossed she’ll do it again with her newest, about a girl named Georgia who’s struggling with the fact that she’s eighteen and has never had so much as a crush. She’s sick of people thinking she’s broken or weird, and it isn’t like she isn’t into romance; she’s just not into it for herself. When she gets to university, she thinks maybe she can “fix” things with her roommate’s help. But what if it turns out there’s nothing to fix, and Georgia’s great and perfectly capable of happiness just as she is?

My Opinion: Alice Oseman has written a-spec characters before, but it's possible that this seemingly aromantic character will be the one that I'll read first. Not to say Radio Silence wasn't amazing, I just wouldn't know. But I can't wait to find out when I read it after I read this one. And then maybe her other books too.

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Verona Comics by Jennifer Dugan - APRIL 21ST

Goodreads Synopsis: Jubilee has it all together. She’s an elite cellist, and when she’s not working in her stepmom’s indie comic shop, she’s prepping for the biggest audition of her life. Ridley is barely holding it together. His parents own the biggest comic-store chain in the country, and Ridley can’t stop disappointing them–that is, when they’re even paying attention. They meet one fateful night at a comic convention prom, and the two can’t help falling for each other. Too bad their parents are at each other’s throats every chance they get, making a relationship between them nearly impossible . . . unless they manage to keep it a secret. Then again, the feud between their families may be the least of their problems. As Ridley’s anxiety spirals, Jubilee tries to help but finds her focus torn between her fast-approaching audition and their intensifying relationship. What if love can’t conquer all? What if each of them needs more than the other can give?

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Dugan debuted with one of my absolute favorite queer YA rom-coms (seriously, if you haven’t yet read Hot Dog Girl, do yourself a favor), so I’m thrilled to see her returning with another one, this one an m/f pairing where both halves of the couple are bi (or, more accurately, one is bi and one is still figuring it out). [Jubilee] is an elite cellist with a major audition coming up and a side job working at her stepmom’s indie comic shop.  Ridley works at his parents’ comic shop too, only theirs is a big chain, and no friend to the little guy. Which makes it a little difficult when the two meet at a comic-con prom and immediately hit it off, despite their family feud. I’ll take Romeo & Juliet with a much happier ending and heaps of bisexuality any day, wouldn’t you?

My Opinion: Romeo and Juliet retelling + comic convention prom + bisexuality + indie comic shops = a recipe for me to like a book.

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When You Get the Chance by Tom Ryan and Robin Stevenson-MAY 5TH

Goodreads Synopsis: [Edited] Cousins Mark [from the East coast of Canada] and Talia [from the West coast of Canada] go on a road trip to Pride in Toronto as they search for love and adventure and uncover family secrets along the way.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: One of the things I’m often asked to recommend is books that feature mlm and wlw solidarity, and I especially love giving answers that show it not just in characters but in authorship. Here, two Canadian rock stars of queer YA come together with a story about cousins named Mark and Talia who are reunited from their respective Canadian coasts after a death in the family and decide to take a road trip together to Toronto so Talia can see her non-binary partner and Mark can get to Pride. The two don’t have much in common, and they’ll have to let Mark’s little sister tag along, but they both know some kind of magic awaits them in TO, and they can’t wait to get there. 

My Opinion: There is too much to love about this book. Canada! WLW or WLNB/MLM solidarity! Canadian road trip! Road trips in general! Canadian Pride! PRIDE IN GENERAL! A nonbinary s/o! TORONTO, CANADA! And family secrets! Plus it gives off You Know Me Well vibes, and that's one of my favorites.

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The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune - MAY 5TH

Goodreads Synopsis:

Some people are extraordinary. Some are just extra.

Nick Bell? Not extraordinary. But being the most popular fanfiction writer in the Extraordinaries fandom is a superpower, right?

After a chance encounter with Shadow Star, Nova City’s mightiest hero (and Nick’s biggest crush), Nick sets out to make himself extraordinary. And he’ll do it with or without the reluctant help of Seth Gray, Nick’s best friend (and maybe the love of his life).

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Klune’s doing double duty this year (or maybe even more? Damn, it’s hard to keep up), following up an adult contemporary fantasy with his first entry into YA, about a boy named Nick who happens to be the Extraordinaries fandom’s most popular fanfic writer, and who aims to be even more extraordinary when he meets the hero he’s been crushing on. (But maybe he’s in love with his best friend, Seth? It’s complicated. It’s always complicated.) 

My Opinion: What can I say? I'm a sucker for books about fanfic writers. And for best friends to lovers stories, so hopefully this is one, and not a fan-dates-hero story.

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The Summer of Impossibilities by Rachel Allen - MAY 12TH

Goodreads Synopsis: Skyler, Ellie, Scarlett and Amelia Grace are forced to spend the summer at the lake house where their moms became best friends.

One can’t wait. One would rather gnaw off her own arm than hang out with a bunch of strangers just so their moms can drink too much wine and sing Journey two o’clock in the morning. Two are sisters. Three are currently feuding with their mothers.

One almost sets her crush on fire with a flaming marshmallow. Two steal the boat for a midnight joyride that goes horribly, awkwardly wrong. All of them are hiding something.

One falls in love with a boy she thought she despised. Two fall in love with each other. None of them are the same at the end of the summer. 

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Allen’s been a personal favorite of mine since her subversive feminist debut, 17 First Kisses, and I’m thrilled to see her releasing her first queer YA, which basically looks like a gay Traveling Pants except not all the girls actually wanna be spending the summer together at the lake house where their moms became besties. Most of them can’t even stand their moms right now. All of them have secrets. And two of them…well, two of them are in love with each other, so one way or another it’s gonna be a hell of a summer.

My Opinion: Look, I'm going to be honest, I saw that it was co.pared to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and I immediately added it to my list. Plus, strangers to friends to lovers? I love.

Date Me, Bryson Keller! by Kevin van Whye - MAY 19TH

Goodreads Synopsis: What If It's Us meets To All the Boys I've Loved Before in this upbeat and heartfelt boy-meets-boy romance that feels like a modern twist on a '90s rom-com!

Everyone knows about the dare: Each week, Bryson Keller must date someone new--the first person to ask him out on Monday morning. Few think Bryson can do it. He may be the king of Fairvale Academy, but he's never really dated before.

Until a boy asks him out, and everything changes.

Kai Sheridan didn't expect Bryson to say yes. So when Bryson agrees to secretly go out with him, Kai is thrown for a loop. But as the days go by, he discovers there's more to Bryson beneath the surface, and dating him begins to feel less like an act and more like the real thing. Kai knows how the story of a gay boy liking someone straight ends. With his heart on the line, he's awkwardly trying to navigate senior year at school, at home, and in the closet, all while grappling with the fact that this "relationship" will last only five days. After all, Bryson Keller is popular, good-looking, and straight . . . right?

Kevin van Whye delivers an uplifting and poignant coming-out love story that will have readers rooting for these two teens to share their hearts with the world--and with each other.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: If this book looks like the cutest, fluffiest, most make-you-melt kind of romance, it’s because it is…at least in the little romantic bubble that ensued when  when Kai took advantage of a dare that requires Bryson Keller to agree to date the first person to ask him out every Monday morning for that week. But outside the bubble, the world is still wondering who Bryson Keller’s mystery girlfriend is, the one person not to shout from the rooftops that she’s got the guy. And Kai isn’t gonna be the one to tell them it isn’t a girl at all; his spontaneous request made Bryson the first and only person he’s ever come out to. But when both the answer and Kai himself are forcibly outed, he and the boy he’s come to fall for, the boy who’s only just realized he himself is gay, will have to band together and put their relationship through the ultimate test.

My Opinion: A lot of these books are comparing themselves to Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, and this one's even comparing itself to To All the Boys I've Loved Before, so it's basically setting me up for disappointment, but I will admit, I am judging this book by it's cover, and that smile is too cute to resist.

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I Kissed Alice by Anna Birch - MAY 26TH

Goodreads Synopsis: For fans of Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda and Fangirl, I Kissed Alice is a romantic comedy about enemies, lovers, and everything in between.

Rhodes and Iliana couldn't be more different, but that's not why they hate each other. Hyper-gifted artist Rhodes has always excelled at Alabama's Conservatory of the Arts despite a secret bout of creator's block, while transfer student Iliana tries to outshine everyone with her intense, competitive work ethic. Since only one of them can get the coveted Capstone scholarship, the competition between them is fierce.

They both escape the pressure on a fanfic site where they are unknowingly collaborating on a graphic novel. And despite being worst enemies in real life, their anonymous online identities I-Kissed-Alice and Curious-in-Cheshire are starting to like each other...a lot. When the truth comes out, will they destroy each other's future?

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Sign me the hell up for literally every enemies-to-lovers f/f rom-com, but especially this one, where the girls who hate each other at Alabama’s Conservatory for the Arts have no idea they’re falling for each other online as they collaborate on a graphic novel for a fanfic site under their online identities. That’s…everything I love in book? Yep, pretty much!

My Opinion: This one is on my list because Alice is basically my favorite sapphic girl name ever after my rewrite of the song, All the Girls Love Alice. Unfortunately, neither girl is named Alice, but it does seem to involve something about Alice in Wonderland. Maybe the graphic novel they're creating is a queer retelling of the classic story? Can't wait to find out.

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Six Angry Girls by Adrienne Kisner - JUNE 2ND

Goodreads Synopsis: A story of mock trial, feminism, and the inherent power found in a pair of knitting needles.

Raina Petree is crushing her senior year, until her boyfriend dumps her, the drama club (basically) dumps her, the college of her dreams slips away, and her arch-nemesis triumphs.

Things aren’t much better for Millie Goodwin. Her father treats her like a servant, and the all-boy Mock Trial team votes her out, even after she spent the last three years helping to build its success.

But then, an advice columnist unexpectedly helps Raina find new purpose in a pair of knitting needles and a politically active local yarn store. This leads to an unlikely meeting in the girls’ bathroom, where Raina inspires Millie to start a rival team. The two join together and recruit four other angry girls to not only take on Mock Trial, but to smash the patriarchy in the process.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Kisner is three for three in putting gloriously queer YA on shelves, and I am in love with the idea of this newest, which takes the famous “Twelve Angry Men” and situates it in Mock Trial with an ace lead. Raina’s killing it at life, until suddenly she isn’t. Millie’s in a similar spot, having just been ousted from the all-male Mock Trial team. When the two pair up to start a rival girls’ team, it isn’t just their opponents they’re gunning for—it’s the whole motherfluffin’ patriarchy.

My Opinion:

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The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson - JUNE 2ND

Goodreads Synopsis: The State of Us is the story of Dean and Dre—the 16-year-old sons of the Republican and Democratic candidates for President of the United States—who fall in love on the sidelines of their parents' presidential campaigns.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Tis the year for political YAs, for obvious reasons, and this contemporary romance also does double duty of being a touching demisexual coming out story that happens to take place across the aisle. (The political aisle, that is.) When Dean, the son the of the Republican candidate, and Dre, son of the Democratic candidate, find themselves locked in close quarters, they’re surprised to find that they quite enjoy the company of someone else who knows what it’s like to be in the junior spotlight. Soon, romance sparks, which is a bit of problem considering the whole “opponents” thing, not to mention Dean still trying to figure out how to deal with and discuss the fact that he’s demisexual. But someone out there seems determined to make their problem much, much bigger, and they’ll have to figure out who wants their relationship outed, how they can make it work, and how they can reconcile a future.

My Opinion: While unfortunately this love story has no Prince from England or Wales, this book is definitely in the same genre as Red, White, and Royal Blue, though of course Dean and Dre will be more YA than our favorite international political couple. No matter what, I can tell I'm going to love the angst in this one.

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The Falling in Love Montage by Clara Smyth - JUNE 9TH

Goodreads Synopsis:

Saoirse doesn’t believe in love at first sight or happy endings. If they were real, her mother would still be able to remember her name and not in a care home with early onset dementia. A condition that Saoirse may one day turn out to have inherited.So she’s not looking for a relationship. She doesn’t see the point in igniting any romantic sparks if she’s bound to burn out.

But after a chance encounter at a house party, Saoirse is about to break her own rules. For a girl with one blue freckle, an irresistible sense of mischief, and a passion for rom-coms.

Unbothered by Saoirse’s rulebook, Ruby proposes a loophole: They don’t need true love to have one summer of fun, complete with every cliché, rom-com montage-worthy date they can dream up—and a binding agreement to end their romance come fall. It would be the perfect plan, if they weren’t forgetting one thing about the Falling in Love Montage: when it’s over, the characters actually fall in love… for real.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis:

Love books that make you laugh, swoon, and cry? Then you are going to fall head over heels for Smyth’s debut, an Ireland-set romantic contemporary about a girl named Saiorse who’s losing her mother to early-onset dementia and is determined never to get involved with anyone as a result…until she meets Ruby, and all bets are off. The girls agree to a no-strings-attached summer of just the good parts of romance, the movie montage where the couple does all sorts of fun things as they fall in love. But when the end of the summer comes, will they be able to let go? 

My Opinion: The falling in love montage is my favorite part of love stories and I can't wait to read one set in Ireland! No strings attached? I don't think so Saiorse and Ruby. If they aren't together by the end of the book, I'll be tying the strings myself and writing fanfiction for days. I've only had one relationship that would qualify for a falling in love montage, most likely because I've only been in love once, and that's... ended, so I need something to fill my heart and this book just might be it.

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Check out @lgbtqreads for more recommendations and check out the link at the top of the post for the rest of the list!

#we used to be friends amy spalding #the gravity of us phil stamper #only mostly devastated sophie gonzales #super adjacent crystal cestari #music from another world robin talley #loveless alice oseman #verona comics jennifer dugan #when you get the chance tom ryan & robin stevenson #the extraordinaries tj klune #the summer of impossibilities rachel allen #date me bryson keller! kevin van whye #i kissed alice anna birch #six angry girls adrienne kisner #the state of us shaun david hutchinson #the falling in love montage ciara smyth #2020 reads #lgbtqareads book recs

[rancoeur-the-unfortunate]

Pills (Chapter 24)

(5178 freaking words!!!!!!!!)

Michelle Baker smiled as she finished setting the up table for dinner. That smile, however, soon faded when she looked in the direction of her son's room. He didn't come out when she called out that dinner was done and she was starting to worry again. She hummed softly as she approached her son's door and knocked softly.

"Honey, are you ok? I haven't seen you since yesterday."

"I'm fine mom. Go away. I'll be down to get dinner in a bit." Her son called from within his room.

"Sweetie you haven't seen the sun in days. Are you sure you don't want to come out?" Michelle asked. She was a frail woman, a single mother with a single introverted child. She leaned against the door with a sigh.

"Yes, mom! Now leave me alone."

"Caleb ple-" She was cut off by her son's shriek.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

The woman sighed once more and gave up as she turned to walk back to the kitchen. This was a common occurrence with her boy, he just didn't have the time to eat with his mom anymore. That's when the door behind her opened and out came her little boy. Of course, he wasn't really little but in her eyes, he would forever remain her little Caleb.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you mom. I've just been a little stressed lately." Agent Callus fiddled with his fingers, despite his attitude he really did love his mom and forcing her to eat with herself didn't sit well with him.

"Oh, honey." She knelt and pulled her son in a hug.

Callus held onto his mother and relaxed into her embrace. He couldn't remember the last time he hugged his mom like this. It wasn't like he meant to, it's just that all this Zim stuff, he just kept getting tied up and he knew he made his mom worry.

Ever since his dad died passed away, Callus was all she had left and only seeing him now and again made her more worrisome and Callus didn't want that.

"I love you, mom."

Callus' mom smiled and ran her fingers through her son's hair, gently playing with the ebony curls. "I love you too." With that, she waited until he let go first before releasing him from her embrace, you never know how much a child needs a hug.

She stood and the two headed for the kitchen for dinner. It felt nice to eat with her son. He could be fussy and distant sometimes, but no force in the galaxy could ever stop her from loving her boy.

"Are you going to help?" Dib turned his head to face Zim while taking down the tent.

"I am," Zim answered from his crouched position in the grass. He had been there since Dib woke up and refused to show Dib what he was doing.

Dib rolled his eyes and began to pack the tent into his backpack. He made sure to clear the campsite of any trash they may have left behind. We don't litter in this house! Once he was sure everything was packed up, Dib stood up and approached Zim to see what he had been doing.

"Alright Zim, we got to go. I texted dad and told him I'd be home by 6."

Zim huffed and stood, up to finally show Dib what he was working on.

It... was a flower crown, made up of wildflowers of varying colors.

"It's not done." Zim hissed. "But since you're so adamant about leaving, you'll just have to receive it at the beta stage." The alien then snapped his fingers and pointed down.

It took Dib a bit to realize Zim had wanted him to kneel. He did so with a slight blush on his face and watched as Zim placed the crown lightly on his head.

Zim clasped his hands together and smiled at the site. His human, kneeling before him where a crown of flowers from his planet.

"Can I stand up now?" Dib almost chuckled at the site.

"You may."

Dib stood and made sure not to jostle his crown, partly because he knew if it fell off he wouldn't hear the end of it; but also because he kind of liked it.

"Ready to go?"

"Yes."

With that the two turned and left the campsite, walking down the path they took before. Zim throughout the walk kept his gaze on Dib. He couldn't help but feel a strange connection towards him. One he had not felt for anyone in a long time. Slowly his gaze moved from the human's face, down his arm, and to his hand. Zim looked at his own hand for a moment before quickly snatching Dib's and looked ahead.

Dib turned his head to face Zim in surprise but the alien refused to make eye contact. The teenager smiled a bit and turned to look forward and let the two of them fall into a peaceful silence.

2 hours into the trip, and Zim decided to break the silence.

"Dib-human?"

"Yeah, Zim?"

"I uh... Zim wanted to thank you for taking me on this 'camping' thing. I really enjoyed it." Zim refused to look at the human as he spoke.

"Oh? You're welcome, Zim. Yeah, I had a nice time too." The human couldn't help but giggle internally at the Irken's sudden shyness.

"Do you think the skool and your swollen eye thingy has forgotten about my pills?"

"Zim, the entire skool Populus has the attention span equivalent to that of a goldfish. They've probably forgotten that you even existed by now. Also, I hacked into the skool's webpage and deleted your name on the skool's victims list, so you won't have to worry about being targeted. The Swollen Eyeball, however, is another story." Dib's thumb brushed over Zim's hand almost in reassurance.

"Hey, if you could just remove names off the list, how come you never removed your own."

"I have, several times. But someone just keeps putting me back up. I just gave up over time."

"Huh. So what are we going to do about the Eyeball?"

"I'll think of something, don't worry." He tossed Zim a small smile, Zim returned it, and both of them went back to their comfortable silence.

The Doctor stood alone in one of the labs, Skoodge was off running some errand while he worked. He had been testing some chemicals to use for his collars. He'd been down there for days and was getting somewhere with this batch and he wasn't going to stop now.

He started up the burner under the flash and watched the liquid inside, bubble. He watched as the liquid inside went from green to blue. He turned off the burner and pulled the flask off. He began pouring the liquid only to see it had turned solid. He growled and set the beaker down. This happened, more or less each time. The liquid either evaporated, burned to a crisp, solidified, became corrosive or poisonous, etc. Despite how close he knew he was he just could figure it out, and despite his patience, he felt as though he was going to lose it.

He sighed and reached into his safe and pulled out another syringe and began starting the process over again, making more adjustments this time. Everything was going ok at first. He set it on the burner once more, only for the liquid to turn red this time and solidify. The Doctor growled and threw the flask at the wall and watch it shatter. Just in time for Skoodge to walk in a shriek at the projectile to shatter right beside him. The little Irken was carrying a tray with one of the Doctor's cans on it as well as a small snack for Skoodge.

"Um, Doctor?"

"Yes? What is it?" The Doctor kept his gaze on the chemicals, both hands on either side of the table as he leaned over it.

"I got dinner." The short Irken stumbled as he walked in, trying to avoid the glass on the floor. He set the tray on the table once he was close enough.

"Thank you, Skoodge." The Doctor took the can and quickly opened to take a sip.

"Trouble in the lab again?" Skoodge tried to make small talk.

"You don't know the half of it." The Doctor snarled, not at Skodge but at his situation.

"Don't let it get to you." Skoodge offered a small smile. Don't him wrong, Skoodge hated this Irken, but if he appeared friendly he also appeared harmless. That's how he got the privilege of free-roaming the Massive. While the Doctor sent him on his 'errands', Skoodge was mapping the place out.

The Doctor avoided his gaze. "I just don't get what I'm doing wrong."

"Well, what are you trying to do?"

The Doctor eyed him for a bit as if contemplating whether or not to tell his assistant.

"You that...green stuff that causes my body to swell at times?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"I am trying to create a neutralizer. Something to stop the cells from multiplying as fast as they do." The Doctor took another sip of his drink.

"Why don't you just remove the stuff? I'm sure you could come up with some sort of cure for whatever this thing is."

The Doctor chuckled and shook his head. "I wish it was that simple, my stumpy friend."

"Well, I can't help if I don't understand the problem." Skoodge crossed his arms in a pout.

The good Doctor paused once more then sighed. "Alright, you win. Follow me." He made a motion with his hand for Skoodge to follow him and began to head towards a deeper part of the lab; apart Skoodge was forbidden to go near.

Skoodge smirked internally and followed the Doctor's lead. This was perfect! A chance to learn about the Doctor's main weakness. Maybe even find a way to exploit his main weakness. Heh if Zim could see him now. Zim...

Well, that killed his mood.

Skoodge soon found himself following the Doctor into a pitch-black room, the darkness only being spat by florescent green tubes that were literally everywhere. Long pillars of the stuff rose to the ceiling lined a path for the two to follow.

Did the Doctor produce all of this?

At the end of the path was a door which led them to an even smaller room. This room was so dusty it was almost hard to breathe. In the center of the room was an only vidscreen with a box full of slugs beside it.

"What is this Doctor?"

"My curse. If you truly want to know the extent of my 'problem' then you need to know the origin of it." The Doctor grabbed the first slug from the box and motioned for Skoodge to sit down as he plugged it in.

The old Vidscreen lit up and a black and white commercial played.

A disembodied voice spoke while pictures of sick Irkens were being displayed.

"Tired of those pesky illnesses? Are you feeling like you might just give up on life altogether?"

A cartoon picture of an Irken with a face twisted in agony as he was removing his Pac was displayed.

"Bent antennae? Crusty eyeballs? Chapped hands? Well not anymore! Thanks to our amazing Tallest Zewya and ever knowable Control Brains we now have a cure for any kind of infection, virus, or disease you could ever hope to encounter."

Pictures of said problems were being displayed and when the names of the past Tallest and Control Brains their pictures were shone respectively. Zewya had long antennae that went past her shoulders, her left eye was crunched a bit, and from what Skoodge could see in the black and white picture she at least a foot on the current Tallest in regards to her height.

The next picture was in color surprisingly enough. It was a jar labeled 'The Doctor' it a fancy label and dark purple lid. It was also filled with that green stuff inside the Doctor.

"Introducing the new wonder cure! The Doctor! This little miracle can fix any old wound, scar, and as said before any and all kinds of diseases!" The cheery voice spoke as videos played of injured or sick Irkens rubbing that stuff on themselves and like magic all of their wounds were healed within minutes.

"Got an itch or rash? The good old Doctor works on that too!"

More videos of Irkens rubbing the jelly-like substance over themselves, and being cured of their problems.

"The Doctor cures and heals all, so what are you waiting for? Head on down to your local medical planet and get yourself a jar today!" The commercial cut off with the jar as its last picture and then it cut to black.

Skoodge looked to the Doctor with an understandably confused expression. Skoodge opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

"I'll answer your questions once we get through these."

Skoodge closed his mouth and watched as the screen as the Doctor unplugged the slug and plugged in another.

This time instead of a commercial, there was an Irken in a lab coat with a nametag that read Dr. Weder. He sat at a desk with his hands folded in front of him, very formal. His desk had the typical stack of papers on one side and computer on the other. The doctor himself had bright blue eyes and antennae that rested at his shoulders. When he talked, Skoodge could see the guy was had a few capped teeth. Skoodge also noticed in the corner of his eye the Doctor was glaring at the Irken on the vidscreen.

"Hello, my Tallest." He dipped his head.

"My name is Dr. Tue Weder. I am the head scientist and researcher of project Delivering, Operations, Critical, Traumatic, Of, Resources or Doctor for short. I am making this video to document the process and eventual success of the project. We have just received your smeet donations and will begin testing as soon as possible. Once the tests begin we will start injecting the smeets with chemical [redacted]" Dr. Weder's voice was cut off by static. "...at different stages of their lives and with different amounts to see how much they can take. Once more I would like to thank you for this chance to take Irken medication to the next step. I promise not to let you down."

The Doctor pulled out the slug and pugging in another, this one was labeled 'Subject 1'. Whilst Skoodge's mind only filled with more questions.

The beginning of the video showed a picture of a smeet still in its incubation chamber. It had to be at 50% completion. It had antennae and legs but its arms were just nubs and it hadn't opened its eyes yet. Underneath the picture was the label 'Subject 1'. The disembodied voice of Dr. Weder accompanied the picture.

"Day 2# Subject 1 has been receiving chemical [redacted] for the past 2 days. It is looking healthy and is growing normally aside from that there is currently nothing to report. There is currently [redacted] subjects in our care currently, we plan to test each one with different amounts and at different stages of their life. I will continue to make updates on this one."

"Day 7# Subject 1 has begun showing signs of negative effects from chemical [redacted]."

A picture was displayed of the previous Irken but it was different. The color was off, instead of green, the smeet had turned yellow and had small lumps all over its body.

"As of now, we have yet to figure out why the growths have started appearing on Subject 1's skin. We have no reason to believe that these growths will cease and it is highly unlikely that the smeet will survive its emergence. We have decided to terminate it, hopefully, the autopsy will reveal the cause of these growths."

The next clip was of Dr. Weder, he was at his desk and was holding a stack of papers in his hands.

"Day 8# the autopsy reports just came in. It appears that chemical [redacted] did not agree with Subject 1's blood cells and its body tried to expel it. Causing the change in skin and eye color. As for the growths we have yet to find the origin of them. We will soon begin testing on subjects 2 and 3."

The video ended and like before the Doctor removed the slug and plugged in the next one labeled 'Subject 2 and Subject 3'.

Right away a new picture was displayed of two smeets in two separate incubators. The one on the left was at 70% while the one on the right was at 30%.

"Day 10# we have begun giving the subjects doses of chemical [redacted]. They both are receiving the same amount and have thus far shown 0 signs of change. We think that the results of Subject 1 are the result of subject 1's age. If we try to infuse chemical [redacted] with Irken DNA early on or later on maybe the blood cells will more susceptible to fusion."

The picture cut to black and then another picture of the smeets appeared. The one on the left had turned white with cuts and bruises all over its skin. The right side of its skull had completely caved in. It could have been more than 82%. The one on the right was looking a lot better compared to the other. It kept its green complexion and only had a few minor lumps on its body. It looked like it was at 50% now.

"Day 19# Subject 2 has died." The voice showed no remorse. "Chemical [redacted] had completely attacked the subject's immune and skeletal system. The autopsy reports tell us no more then what we already guessed. It appears that chemical [redacted] bonds better with younger cells as shown with Subject 3s growth. We think that if we start a little earlier say maybe 5% we might be able to create the being we're looking for. We will continue to study Subject 3 as it grows and hopefully, we can keep it alive long enough to emerge. Afterward, maybe we can finally figure out what's causing the bumps to form."

The next picture was of Subject 3 now at 78%. Its skin was bumpy but otherwise appeared healthy.

"Day 25# the subject appears to be bonding well with chemical [redacted] and with only a week left until emergence we're crossing our fingers."

The picture disappeared and was replaced with a video of Dr. Weder. He was at his desk like before still holding a stack of papers.

"Day 52# Subject 3# expired 10 minutes after being administered a Pac. We think it's because chemical [redacted] hasn't had any time to get accustomed to the Pac. Unfortunately, we can't give the chemical anymore to adapt due to the increased mortality rate the older the subject gets. We tried administering chemical [redacted] to Subjects: 4, 5, 6, and 7, while they were in earlier stages of development and it seems like 35% is the 'hotspot' as the others have begun calling it. To clarify, when we administer the chemical before or after 35% the subjects usually die within their incubators or die minutes after receiving their Pacs. But if they start to receive the chemical at 35% their mortality rate minimalizes as we have observed from Subjects: 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12."

Pictures were displayed of each smeet as they were mentioned, all at individual states of growth.

"However, none of the subjects survived a day after emergence. But we think we have a solution to this problem. We'll take the DNA of one of the subjects, the one that lived the longest, and use it to create more subjects. These subjects will already be bonded to the chemical and hopefully, the chemical will play nice with the Pac and the chemicals it induces to keep the subject's body alive."

The video cut off. Skoodge jumped in his seat went the voice of the Doctor cut the still air like a knife.

"It didn't work, you know."

Skoodge turned to face him. The Doctor was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and sipping his drink.

"The DNA wasn't bonded enough so they took the smeet that lived the longest and used that DNA to make more smeets." The Doctor walked back to the box and pulled out more slugs with different labels on them.

"Subjects: 13, 14, 15, 16, Subjects: 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 Subjects fucking: 34, 35, 36, 37." The Doctor was seething at this point.

"They got one to last up to two days after Subject 47. Subjects, that's all they were to them."

"W-what happened to the rest of the original smeets?" Skoodge squeaked out.

The Doctor turned with a harsh glare in his eyes. When had he taken his goggles off and were his eyes always green?

"What do you think?"

Skoodge looked away a little ashamed of himself.

The Doctor let out a harsh sigh before pulling out one final slug. The slug looked like it had been label once but the label had been heavily scratched out and replace with a white piece of tape that simply said REDACTED. The Doctor plugged it in and sat beside Skoodge to watch.

"Day 238# My Tallest I believe we have finally done it!" Dr. Weder was beaming as he appeared on screen.

"I believe we have finally succeeded project DOCTOR. Subject 237 shows great promise for this project. Not only did it survive its first week after emergence but it's also displaying some form of cognitive recognition. As we speak it can currently walk and babble like any other newborn smeet."

A new video appeared while the doctor's voice accompanied it. The video was of a smeet sitting on the floor wearing a hospital gown and had a tag that read 'S. 237 property of project DOCTOR' on its left antenna. Its skin was a healthy shade of green and its eyes were like emeralds. The smeet was playing with a rubber ball and seemed to be having the time of its life.

"The best news of all is that apart from the occasional mishap, the smeet has shown no signs of growing those growths that the other smeets had. Though that's not to say it's all pros. The subject like its shall we say 'relatives' can not properly digest Irken food and so we have come up with a concoction that carries nothing but the bare minimum. The subject seems to have been taking this well."

Skoodge found his eyes drifting the drink that the Doctor was holding and then looked back to the screen.

"We will continue to study the subject and hopefully with a bit more test and breeding, we'll finally be able to create the specimen we've been looking for and thanks to our previous findings we have finally figured out what has been causing the growths. The cells that mixed with chemical [redacted] multiply too fast and form cancerous growths over the body. With any luck, this will be bred out in a few generations' time."

The screen went black and for a moment Skoodge thought the video was over before the screen was lit up again with a video of Subject 237 in what looked like its room. The room was small but was enough for a smeet its size. It didn't have any windows but it had a bed and some toys. The smeet was currently on the floor stacking wooden blocks. It was chirping and clicking as smeets typically do. Once it used all of the blocks the smeet stood up and kicked the tower over and fell in a laughing fit. It was kind of cute until the smeet's right leg started shaking. Suddenly the smeet started to panic and scream in pain and worry. It cried not knowing what was wrong as its leg began to swell up. Doctors rushed in and tended to the smeet and tried to figure out what was wrong. Eventually, they decided to give the smeet a sedative so they could figure out what to do without a wailing smeet in the room. A small injection later and the smeet was out like a light. Meanwhile, its leg continued to swell. Eventually, the doctors decided to try and suction the stuff out like one would a growth. All they got in the syringes were plungers full of that green goo. Just Dr. Weder walked and inspected the syringes before smiling.

"I do believe that Tallest Zewya would be pleased to hear of this interesting development."

The video then cut to black again, this time of the smeet lying on a bed with tubes sticking out of all of its limbs. The poor thing looked extremely malnourished and would have a coughing fit every five seconds. It then looked at the camera and smiled as if recognizing the person behind the camera it weakly raised its hand to the Irken recording and a much bigger hand met it. Gently the hand caressed the side of the smeet's head, giving it just enough comfort to make the smeet forget where it was and all of its troubles. It squealed and held onto the hand like it was a lifeline. Suddenly a voice outside of view shouted at the cameraman.

"You're here to document the subject not play with it."

"Hey, he is a he, not an it" The cameraman snapped, most likely to the off-screen voice. Meanwhile, the smeet had fallen asleep, still clinging to the cameraman's hand.

"Back off it will ya! We got a job to do." Someone else said.

"Sorry." The cameraman said and gently pulled his hand away from the smeet.

Once more the screen cut to black and once more a new video played. It was a video of the smeet, he was looking much older now, probably an adolescent. He looked uncomfortable as he stood in front of the camera fully naked. He looked at someone beside him off-screen.

"Duwcter Wber, do I haf ta be naced?"

Someone spoke off-screen but it was too muffled for the camera to pick up. Whatever was said though visibly frightened the smeet and it flinched and went back to looking at the camera. He stayed there for a while, sometimes he'd get tired and sit on the floor for a bit before standing up again looking more visibly distressed and then finally whatever they were waiting for happened. Subject 237's arm started to shake and he soon began crying out in pain. He gripped his arm as it began to swell. Tears ran down the smeet's face as he looked into the camera as if calling for help.

The video then cut off. Then the last video on the slug played and just like before it was the smeet. He said in a chair wearing a hospital gown once more and sitting in a chair. His one, still swelling arm was strapped to the arm of the chair. There were monitors all around him and there was a long tube in his arm, suctioning out the liquid in his arm. The smeet looked exhausted and nearly fell over twice.

"Can I go to sweep now?" He asked someone off-screen. He must have gotten the answer he wanted because minutes after he laid his head down onto the other arm of the chair and fell asleep in what had to be the most uncomfortable sleeping position ever.

The Doctor then unplugged the slug and put it back.

"They discontinued the project a few months after that." The Doctor spoke offhandedly.

"Why?"

"Tallest Zewya died and the Control Brains had more important things to do at the time then foresee the project. So like most test subjects at the end of a project... I was to be terminated." The Doctor stared into the floor.

"Just like that. But one of the assistants, I think his name was Haeman, saved me. He started a fire in the lab and rescued me. I remember the day so vividly. Haeman was so kind to me. He was the reason why I had all of those toys. I am truly grateful for him, he raised him as his apprentice on another smaller planet. He taught me everything I know about medicine and chemicals. He snagged the recipe for my 'formula' before we left so he could feed me and for a while we were happy. Until one day we were found out. Haeman was on Irk, shopping when they grabbed him on the streets. He was recognized as one of the scientists from Project DOCTOR and they killed him. I was barely a teenager at that time. Haemen didn't want to name me, he said that would make it seem like he was my master. So I just named myself after the label on my tag, The Doctor. I ripped off that tag soon after hence my missing antennae." The good Doctor paused.

"That's when I decided to get back at the Control Brains. They were suffering from the sudden uprising of short Irkens and were looking for a quick and easy solution. So I gave them one."

"Y-you created the drugs?"

The Doctor directed his gaze to Skoodge.

"Yes. But I think you already knew that. After all, you were the second in command of the rebellion."

Skoodge gulped and immediately he tried to act ignorantly.

"W-hat are y-"

"Don't pull that with me Skoodge. I've known you long enough not to fall for that. Besides I knew you were off your meds the moment you got on this ship."

Skoodge gulped.

"But that doesn't matter. Because I have a proposition for you."

"Proposition?"

"Yes. We both want the same thing Skoodge. We both want to get rid of the Control Brains for what they did to us."

"Well, the Control Brains never would have wronged me in the first place if hadn't given them those pills." Skoodge glared.

"I needed to get them to trust me. Similar to you giving me fake sympathy so that you can figure out my weaknesses."

Skoodge went silent.

"Look, all I'm asking for is a truce. Help me take down the Control Brains."

"Why so you can rule Irk yourself?"

"We'll work out the details later. So what do you say?" The Doctor stook his hand out for Skoodge to shake.

"Partners?"

(Hello everyone! Thank you for reading thus far. In this chapter, I thought I'd focus a bit more on the side villain, some fluff, and of course our main villain. I read somewhere that the best way to give a character depth is to show a side of them that no one expects. I hope that shows for Agent Callus and the Doctor in this chapter. Thanks again for reading and have a fantastic day.)

#invader zim #Pills #zim x dib #zadr #Zim #Dib #the Doctor #Agent Callus #fluff #backstory #cute but dark