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once-upon-an-animation · 1 year

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My massive TSATS Review

Hi everyone. In this post, I will sharing my thorough review of The Sun & The Stars by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro. I don’t normally do thorough book reviews, but since I’ve invested a lot of time, effort, and money into the hype for this book, I feel like a thorough book review is the best way to top off the journey. In this review, I’m going to be going over my honest feelings, thoughts, and opinions on the plot, the characters, and the writing quality. I took notes as I was reading, so certain things may be repeated/out of order/etc. In addition, I only took notes on the things that stood out to me. Therefore, if it’s not mentioned in this review, it means that it’s a detail that I felt neutral on/didn’t care about.

When I do reviews, I like to share details about me that may contribute to my perspective on the book, so that anyone reading this review is aware of any biases I may have. So here are some of the opinions I held prior to starting the book:

I am not a Nico stan. I don’t hate Nico, and I actually enjoy his character quite a bit, but I wouldn’t call myself a stan. I don’t worship or feel particularly attached to his character.

I am not a Solangelo shipper. I like Solangelo as a concept, but have been particularly unimpressed with its execution thus far, especially its introduction in Blood of Olympus (BoO).

As of ToA, I’m not a big fan of Will’s canon personality. I acknowledge and accept it as canon, and I don’t like it. Ever since Will and Nico’s first interactions in BoO, the way Will talks to Nico about his experiences has always rubbed me the wrong way.

Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I am currently unsure of my sexual/romantic orientations. Therefore, I don’t know how much this book means to me in terms of “representation”, and I’m not necessarily nuanced on all aspects of queer relationships. \

I did not like the preview. I read the preview of the first few chapters when it was released/leaked, which Mark shared that they wrote. And yeah…I was not a fan. The writing wasn’t bad, but it did feel a little jarring, which was to be expected. However, the characters, jokes, and overall flow felt off. And I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing this, but it absolutely gave off fanfiction vibes. I mean, TSATS is essentially canon fanfiction given that Mark is not the author of this franchise.

Lastly, the following arguments: “This book isn’t for you; it’s for kids!”, “It’s a kid’s book, it’s supposed to be cringey/corny/silly!”, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about the book, just shut up!”, and “If you think anything was wrong with this book, you didn’t read it right!” do not mean anything to me. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly lost the capacity to evaluate the quality of children’s media. If adults are allowed to create children’s media, then adults should also be allowed to analyze them and critique them. In addition, if adults are allowed to review a book and say that it’s good, then adults should be allowed to review a book and say that it’s bad. Positive opinions are not inherently more valid or morally better than negative ones. Negative opinions have their place in art and literature consumption and people are allowed to dislike things and share why. If you cannot handle the possibility that people thought this book was bad, then book discussion is not an arena you should be in. Lastly, I do not hold children’s media or diverse media to lower standards. Children’s media can and should be of high quality. Diverse media can and should be of high quality.

Whew, okay! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started! Warning: There will be spoilers! And this post will be very huge/long!!!

Plot

So the basic gist of the plot is that Nico has been hearing this voice calling out to him from Tartarus and he believes that it’s Bob, so he and Will journey down to Tartarus to go rescue him. They stop by the Jackson apartment to get some advice from Percabeth, they spend some time in the Underworld with the troglodytes, and then they face off with Nyx in Tartarus, who is holding Bob hostage. As far as the overall plot, I was very “meh” on the whole thing. I already disliked the premise because A) I think Rick’s version of Tartarus is kind of lame and he always insists on turning things into a joke down there, and B) It felt kind of repetitive with Percabeth’s journey. In addition, Will and Nico don’t actually reach Tartarus until more than halfway through the book, which is actually ridiculous. As a result, the first half of the book feels like such a massive drag and around Chapter 26, I kept wondering “Holy cow, when are they going to get to main destination!!?!??”

Before anyone comes for me, I completely understand that this book is more character-focused than plot-focused. In some ways, this is a welcome change, but in other ways, it really makes certain portions of the book feel like a slog to get through, especially if you’re not a diehard Nico/Will/Solangelo stan and you were hoping for an exciting story outside of the characters. Just because you’re spending more time with the characters doesn’t mean that your story should be lagging. You’re supposed to weave the character development into the main plot.

Anyway, here are my specific chapter notes, arranged in groups:

Chapters 1-5

- So it seems like not much was changed between the preview I read and the final version of the story. I’m kind of disappointed about that because as previously stated, I didn’t really like the preview.

- The Darth Vader joke: I thought the overall joke was cute, but I think it’s the way it was written that makes it land weirdly. I think it went on for just a tad too long.

- I’m not really buying the idea that there are zero kids staying at CHB for the year aside from Nico and Will. I understand the explanation that the book gave, but I find it very unlikely that every single kid at CHB has a happy home to return to, especially given Annabeth’s and Leo’s storylines as examples.

- On a positive note, I am happy to see Nico’s Italian heritage being a stronger part of his character.

- I really enjoyed Nico’s dream sequence in the beginning chapters. It felt nice to see dreams used not just as a plot device but in a way that says more about the emotions of the character. I hope you’re taking notes, Uncle Rick!

Chapters 6-10

- I have mixed feelings about the Percabeth cameo. On the one hand, I feel like it’s tradition to have them cameo in books now since they’re no longer main characters and people like having updates on them. I also think receiving their advice about Tartarus made sense. On the other hand, their advice was kind of shitty and not very useful. There were so many practical tips they could have given, such as certain enemies (ie. Nyx) or certain locations (ie. Hermes’ shrine) to look out for, and they just like…didn’t. It kind of kills me because Annabeth in particular is supposed to be the “smart” and “wise” character, but whenever she has an opportunity to actually do something wise and helpful, Rick dodges that shit like the plague.

- Speaking of WiseGirl, Annabeth’s “Why you, Nico?” line pisses me off and feels like a really stupid question that she should know better than to ask. Unless there are details that I’m missing, Annabeth knows that Percy’s relationship with Bob is quite strained due to the fact that Percy never visited him and Nico being the one to visit is the main reason that Bob was willing to help. Why would it surprise her that Bob would call out to Nico instead of them? Is Nico not the one who actually formed a friendship with the guy? In addition, why should it even matter that Bob didn’t call out to them? It’s not like she and Percy would have actually gone, given how traumatized they are by Tartarus and how they’re trying to live peaceful lives. So again, what is the motivation for asking a rude question like this? Did she actually want to lead the rescue mission? Would a call from Bob that she may have ended up ignoring make her feel validated> Is she offended or jealous or something? Sorry, but this question annoyed me so much and I don’t understand why Annabeth felt like she needed to ask it given everything she knows about Bob and Nico.

- I appreciate hearing Nico make some positive comments about Percy, especially since a lot of Nico/Solangelo stans insist that Percy is the Devil Incarnate. Hopefully, the fact that their favourite character doesn’t hate Percy as much as they do will inspire some of them to chill.

Chapters 11-15

- The nightmares/visions during the encounter with Epiales were pretty well done. In fact, I wish some of Annabeth and Percy’s encounters in Tartarus had gone a little more like Will’s visions in this scene; having nightmares about their insecurities regarding each other and questioning their relationship.

- The troglodyte scene was really dragging. A lot of the dialogue at the beginning of Chapter 14 felt stale and unnecessary.

Chapters 16-20

- The Nyx encounter in the Chapter 17 flashback was really good, and is everything Nyx should have been in HoH.

- Nico’s Tartarus recall was a little…underwhelming. Like the Nyx encounter was great, I just expected for more things to happen to him, like more monster encounters and stuff.

Chapters 21-25

- The ‘story time’ about Nico asking Will out on a date irks me for multiple reasons. 1) So ever since Rick decided to be more upfront about tackling social justice/deeper relationship topics in his books, his writing has developed this preachy quality to it where it feels like he’s just lecturing his readers through the voice of the characters and hand-holds them through his exploration of relationship/queer topics. I hate when Rick does this because the writing is way too on-the-nose and the characters sound awkward and not really like themselves; they sound like someone outside of the story is talking to you. This first date story time reeks of that on-the-nose quality and I don’t like it. 2) I have doubts about whether asking Will out in front of the entire camp (or being the one to ask for a first date in general) is actually in character for Nico. I think Nico could have opened up more as the relationship progressed, but making the first move in the beginning seems more like it should be a Will thing. 3) I am so sorry, but I do not buy for a second that no demigod at CHB felt comfortable in their queerness before Nico came along. It’s a Greek myth camp, for crying out loud. Not only are a lot of the Greek myths and mythological figures hella queer (including some of the Olympians!!!) but some of these kids are also products of queer relationships (ie. Kayla Knowles). Not to mention, one of the biggest narrative themes of CHB is that it’s a place where demigods who have never felt quite at home in the mortal world can establish a sense of belonging and not feel like they’re weird or unusual. Now, I understand that CHB has shown judgment towards certain things (like children of Hades), but that’s mostly because of Hades’ reputation and misunderstanding from myths. And like I said earlier, those same myths also include some queer relationships amongst some of its more beloved figures, so I don’t know that being non-cishet would have been viewed as weird or unusual at a place like CHB if they’re following the myths so closely. Sorry, this argument is kind of disorganized, but overall, CHB is a camp where kids have all kinds of experiences, powers, interests, family backgrounds, monster encounters and more. A girl who likes girls or a boy who likes boys is probably one of the least notable things that they’ve ever encountered, and I just have a hard time believing that the entire camp would be homophobic to the point where no one was comfortable with being out.

- So I actually really like the idea of Persephone and Will interacting and talking about how to manage being in the Underworld. However, something about the dialogue in this scene felt…stale. I understood the message that was being sent, but the actual conversation itself felt a little bland. I’m also disappointed to see that Rick/Mark fell into that same pattern that anyone who writes about Persephone does where they try to romanticize things between Persephone and Hades, and make Demeter seem like a bad figure. Like gee, your mother was protective of you and got mad when you were kidnapped and raped against your will; what a terrible mother, huh? And just once, I would like to read a story where Persephone rightfully bears a little resentment towards Hades for dragging her into a marriage that she didn’t actually want afaik.

Chapters 26-30

- Shout out to the narrative for gleefully reminding us that we are not yet in Tartarus as of Chapter 26, which is more than halfway through the book. Goodness gracious!

- Will & Nico’s “argument” is…okay. I was hoping that it would be moreso about Will’s comments seeing as that’s been the biggest issue so far.

- The infamous Lil’ Nas X reference…not only is it kind of random, but I’m surprised that it’s even in this book. Is the ‘Montero’ video actually appropriate for this book’s target audience? (And when I say ‘appropriate’, I’m not referring to the queer themes, I’m referring to the sexual stuff, like the lapdancing on Satan and whatnot.)

Chapters 31-35

- We are on Chapter 32 of a 51-chapter book with about 160 pages left, and the characters are just now arriving to their main destination. I’m so sorry, but that is such a silly writing decision that I can NOT take seriously.

- I enjoyed the Solangelo argument in chapter 34. Wish it had been a little longer.

Chapters 36-40

- Ah, the infamous aeternae. When I went to Rick/Mark’s TSATS tour, Mark revealed that their first draft of this scene had initially been super serious and scary, but they eventually felt like they had written something too scary. Mark revealed that Rick’s “strategy” for handling a super scary scene was to “cut the tension” with a joke. And so, Mark took the scary aeternae scene and turned it into a joke by making the aeternae a pair of himbos. Words cannot describe how much I hate this. Why can’t scary things be allowed to stay scary? It’s Tartarus, my guy. It’s supposed to be the most frightening place a demigod can be. Why should any aspect of it be turned into a joke? The unnecessary humor messes with the tone of the story and ruins all the suspense and tension that’s been built up. It also makes Tartarus seem less intimidating than it should be.

Chapters 41-45

- Words cannot describe how much I hate the implication that Nyx and Nico produced “children” together. Yes, I know they’re not real children, but I still hate the implication. It’s creepy.

- Now going into this book, I knew damn well that Will wasn’t going to get left behind. I also knew Bob wasn’t likely to get left behind because having them go on this rescue quest only for him to not make it out would be a little pointless. But the cocoa puff thing felt like such a cop-out. Like how convenient is it that Nyx brought these demons to life at the right time so that they were just oh-so conveniently available for Nico to sacrifice in the most in-your-face symbolism for letting go of his demons?

Chapters 46-51

- Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Nico tell us in Heroes of Olympus (HoO) that Bianca tried for rebirth? What is she doing in Elysium?

- The dream scene with Nico, Hades, Bianca, and Maria was very sweet. Probably my favourite scene in the entire book.

- “What an ingenious way of fulfilling the prophecy” Chiron says. Good job, Rick/Mark. Way to not-so-subtly pat yourselves on the back there!

- Shout out to Shel from finally graduating from being a plot device/narrative tool to being something of an actual character (this is moreso shade at Rick). The fact that she’s Native like Piper is really nice.

- Nico’s conversation with Piper is fine, but I don’t like the way it’s written. It’s another heaping pile of that on-the-nose, hand-holding, social-justice-lecture, talking-through-the-character style of writing that I don’t really like. Again, I have no issue with the topic at hand. But the characters do not sound like themselves. They sound like Rick talking to the audience. It’s weird, and I can almost guarantee that there was a better way to write this dialogue.

- Kind of sad that Bob isn’t sticking around, but it’s cool that he’s heading west. Potential reunion with Percy? Hope so. Maybe he and Percy can talk and Percy can apologize/smooth out their relationship.

Characters

So in this section, I’m going to discuss the characters individually, and also Solaneglo’s relationship. I will obviously have the most to say about Nico/Will/Solangelo. In addition, I will only point out the things that stood out to me, and I will try not to repeat myself. So if this character section seems kind of short, it’s probably because my thoughts have been spread out in other sections of this review.

Nico

Overall, I think I liked Nico’s character in this book. I liked that we got to learn a little more about his family relationships, his dreams, his solo time in Tartarus, and his perspective on certain characters and past events. However, his characterization did feel…off…from time to time. I think the reason why has less to do with TSATS in particular and more to do with how Rick has been handling Nico’s character ever since the end of BoO. I think Rick was so insistent on giving Nico a healing/happy-ending romance as quickly as possible that he not only rushed through Solangelo’s introduction and glossed over their initial development, but he also rushed through Nico’s healing process. I feel like there are large chunks of Nico’s emotional healing that was skipped during all the time jumps between BoO/ToA and within ToA itself, and anything that’s told to us in TSATS can only be told in retrospect. As a result, Nico’s joking/ flirting/ wisecrack nature in TSATS feels really sudden and maybe even OOC, because Rick never really showed us when and how Nico developed into this version of himself. To summarize, I believe this version of Nico could exist someday, but the transition needed to be longer, and more importantly, more of it needed to be shown to the reader.

In addition, while we did learn a lot more about Nico, I feel like there were still major things that were missing. His relationship with Hazel was surprisingly absent from his thoughts, and Reyna was barely mentioned, if at all. This represents a larger issue I have with Rick Riordan where, as soon as a character becomes a couple with someone, he tends to shaft their non-romantic relationships in favour of the romance. Like how Grover and Sally lost a lot of narrative importance in Percy’s life in favour of Annabeth during HoO; I really hated that.

Will

Like I mentioned at the beginning of this review, I came into TSATS not really liking Will and not really thinking that he’s the godsend boyfriend for Nico that the fandom likes to paint him as. I was hoping that TSATS would change my mind about Will, and while his character was improved for me in some ways, I think I walked away from this book still not really liking him that much.

So Will’s arc was mostly about accepting the darkness within Nico, the world, and within himself instead of viewing it as something inherently bad/evil or something he has to fix. As a part of this arc, he spends a lot of time complaining about the Underworld/Tartarus and associated concepts (ie. death, darkness, misery, ghosts, etc.) during the quest. Look. I understand the whole thing about Will being a child of Apollo and therefore not really vibing with the Underworld/Tartarus well. I understood and actually enjoyed his fear to some extent. However, I have some thoughts about the nature of these complaints. First of all, Will is not a newbie demigod. According to him and some of his background that’s established in this same book, Will has been at CHB for a while now, and he has endured 3 major conflicts in which numerous friends and siblings died. Will has had more than a lifetime of exposure to death and misery, so I don’t understand why this quest is being treated like his first rodeo with death and misery. I can’t really say it’s OOC for him given how limited his characterization has been before this, but still, it doesn’t really align with the established facts we know about Will. The themes of death and sadness should not be new concepts to him, yet this book is acting like he has never been exposed to this stuff before, despite the fact that the narrative literally acknowledges that he’s been through this stuff before. Again, I’m totally fine with him fearing monsters and total darkness and stuff, but loss and grief are things he should be more than familiar with. In addition, the narrative goes so far to even throw in that Will likes true crime podcasts. Now, listening to podcasts and being in the Underworld/Tartarus are two very different experiences, yes. But I just find it odd that Will can tolerate media about murder/kidnappings/etc. But the death and misery associated with the Underworld has him shaking for some reason.

I also find it odd that Will’s regard to Nico’s struggles with darkness, death, and misery is not always consistent. He can demonstrate the kind, empathetic, snd understanding nature of a healer when he needs to (ie. page 144 when Nico is about to start his Tartarus recall) but somehow he can’t see the insensitivity in the comments he keeps making about the Underworld? Again, it’s okay that Will doesn’t personally like the Underworld, but how is he not realizing how uncomfortable it must be for Nico to keep hearing all these complaints about concepts that he, as a son of Hades, is strongly associated with? On page 185, Will asks Nico yet another question about how he doesn’t find the ghosts disturbing. Nico explains that the Underworld is his second home and Will’s immediate response? “I could never live here.” Like look, this is a totally valid and understandable opinion for Will to have, but it’s also a dickish thing to respond to what Nico said, and the context in which it’s being said makes it frustrating. How and why is Will still acting surprised about what Nico is comfortable with? Nico is a son of Hades, for crying out loud! Him being comfortable with darkness, death, ghosts, and other associated things should NOT be a shock to anyone, let alone his own boyfriend of 6+ months. During the entire book, I couldn’t help but wonder why Will was even dating Nico in the first place if Nico’s domain made him this uncomfortable.

I’m glad Will and Nico were able to talk about this and smooth things over at the end, but by the time this arc was resolved, my annoyance with Will had already been solidified.

Another component of WIll’s arc is that he felt like he was a burden to Nico on the quest because of how much he was struggling with the lack of light and the fact that he kept getting injured/tired. This is fine and I actually like this. What I thought was a little silly was Will forgetting to bring a weapon or something to fight with. Yes, I understand that Will’s unpreparedness was a part of his arc, but while I fully understand his unpreparedness for the darkness/lack of light, him not bringing a weapon is very stupid, and the narrative acknowledging it doesn’t make it any less stupid. Again, Will is practically a veteran as far as demigod things go. How he could make such a silly mistake is beyond me. You’re going into the most dangerous territory in the Greek myth world for demigods, and you didn’t think you should have something to protect yourself with? Seriously? And the worst part is that Nico/the narrative literally mentions that Will has been in three major conflicts so far, but from the way Rick and Mark wrote him at certain points in this book, you’d never be able to tell.

Solangelo (as a pair)

I mentioned at the beginning that I am not a Solangelo shipper, so all the romance in this book didn’t have me leaping for joy as it may have for others. Overall, I still like the concept of their relationship and the themes associated with it, but I’m still not a fan of the way they're being executed. Will’s character arc made things a little harder for me, and the fanfiction vibes of the book were not my cup of tea. I have a smattering of different thoughts about Solangelo in this book, so I’m going to jump from idea to idea.

First, some of the romance/flirting/bantering did come off quite cheesy in a way that’s unusual in Rick’s better books (part of what gives TSATS fanfiction vibes).. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that the two boys like each other and have fun together, but it started to feel excessive at some point. Like Will recalling how Percabeth said being cheesy helps, and then Nico responding “Lay it on me, Will. I’m your grilled cheese” (page 373) made me put the book down so I could take a break. And before anyone come for my neck saying “They’re teenagers, it’s supposed to be cringey”...I have read PLENTY of books involving teenagers in which the romance/humor managed to accommodate the age of the characters AND still be mature enough so that it didn’t feel corny. There are fun yet tasteful ways to handle teenage romance/teenage humor in books and it’s up to the authors to find a good balance, so please miss me with this argument.

Lastly, this is going to sound rather bitchy, but I don’t want to hear the term “grumpy little ball of darkness” ever again. I know it was mostly a joke, but it was super corny the first time it was said, and it was corny every time after.

Next up, the circumstances surrounding their first kiss…I don’t like it. I’m obviously not mad at the idea of Will trying to be a supportive companion to Nico in that moment. I’m more so annoyed at what this kiss represents in the larger context of the Riordanverse. To some extent in PJO and to full extent since HoO, Rick Riordan has developed a deeply irritating habit of using romance as the solution to the characters’ emotional conflicts, grief, and traumas. There are too many characters in this franchise whose running emotional issues are magically solved by romance and I hate it. I think it’s harmful messaging to be sending to Rick’s young and impressionable audience that romance is the healing antidote to all of life’s problems. Feeling unwanted and like you’re not sure where you belong because everyone and everything keeps changing on you? Get a boyfriend! Feeling guilty about your past and like a 7th wheel amongst your friends? Get a girlfriend! Struggling with loss and grief and feeling like you’re always going to be alone? Get a boyfriend! Your ex just died in the midst of you trying to figure out your identity and you’re still in the grieving process? Get a girlfriend! It’s gotten sooo annoying at this point! Like no kids, getting into a romantic elationship will not solve all your problems. And viewing your significant other as the fixer-upper for your trauma is NOT actually a good thing, contrary to popular belief. Treating your romantic other as your only source of joy, hope, and happiness is a terrible approach to healing. Just once, I would like the kids in this franchise to work through their emotions in a way that doesn’t default to romance. Because should Will and Nico ever break up (not that they ever will, because according to Rick Riordan, most people find their soulmate as a teen), or something happens to Will, what will Nico do? Crumble? Fall apart? Waste away?

This is part of why I felt like it was really important for Nico to heal PRIOR to engaging in a romance because things like the circumstances of their first kiss suggest a sort of dependence that he’s developing on Will for dealing with his grief and inner demons, and I just don’t agree that this is a healthy coping mechanism. Nico doesn’t deserve to be alone or feel alone, but he does need to learn how to heal and cope through his traumas on his own because using Will as his source of healing is not a good thing. It’s okay for Will to support him or give him advice, but Will should NOT be Nico’s primary source of hope and happiness; Nico should be Nico’s primary source of hope and happiness so that if anything ever happens to Will, Nico doesn’t break into pieces because he’s developed the necessary strength to move on and find happiness within his own self, independent of a romantic other. Romance should complement the happiness you’ve grown from and for yourself, not be the source of it.

Next, Nico telling Will he loves him during the fall to Tartarus as a parallel to Annabeth whispering “I love you” to Percy is…not really something I like. I truly hate to compare a gay ship to a straight one, but let it be known that the critique that I’m about to give has nothing to do with Nico/Will being queer specifically, and more to do with the way they’ve been written. Anywho, with Percabeth, something about that “I love you” on their fall into Tartaurs felt more special given the long history of friendship that they had prior to their romantic one in the PJO series, and the fact that they had been separated so long just prior to the fall. The “I love you” between Nico and Will is sweet on a surface level, but the fact that it’s an obvious copy of Annabeth’s “I love you”, and the fact that we don’t have as much history with Solangelo as we did with Percabeth really takes away from the impact. I think this “I love you” would have held more power at the end of the book. For example, Will and Nico could finally have a discussion about all of Will’s struggles with darkness, and when Will finally accepts the darkness as a part of who Nico is (hopefully) and states that he loves Nico as he is, darkness included, we as readers can feel happy that Nico has found someone who accepts every part of him, even the parts that aren’t so pretty. Will then tells Nico that he loves him, a love that encompasses all of who Nico is, and Nico can say it back, accepting Will for all of who he is. All in all, I think the “i Love you” should have waited, and I don’t think it should have been a rehash of Percabeth’s moment; Solangelo should have gotten their own unique moment.

Next, Will’s guilt over Octavian’s death and him calling Nico a murderer made me go back and reread the scene in BoO. I can understand and appreciate his guilt from a healer’s perspective, but him thinking Nico was a murderer as a deep hidden grievance is kind of funky. Yes, Nico saying that they couldn’t stop Octavian probably came off really poorly in that moment. But also…Nico wasn’t saying that because he was bent on seeing the guy die. Octavian chose suicide and no matter what Will/Nico did, Octavian would have fought to get on that onager. Viewing Nico as a murderer for this, even by mistake, feels a little…extreme.

Lastly for this section, when Nico and Will finally had the talk about Will’s complaining, I liked the gist of the conversation, but I didn’t really like the conclusion that Will came to (or maybe it was the way it was written). Nico’s point was that death is amoral. Yes, it’s hard for the people who are still alive and left behind, but it isn’t an inherently evil process, and the place where the dead go isn’t inherently evil either. However, when Will reflects on this, he focuses on the entities that are alive/from the surface and are somehow thriving in the Underworld, which kind of misses the point. The takeaway shouldn’t be that there’s hope in the Underworld because of the living things that are present there. The takeaway should be that death, darkness, grief, all have their importance and place in our world, and that things that are associated with them aren’t inherently bad or evil. The Underworld doesn’t need to have life in it for it to be valuable.

Miscellaneous

Here, I will talk about a bunch of characters who made important cameos, but weren’t present enough to have their own section. If there’s a character missing here, it’s because I had no significant thoughts on them.

Percy:

- I’m glad to see multiple characters acknowledge that Percy needs time off.

- As sadistic as this might sound, I’m glad to hear that Percy is still having nightmares about Tartarus. I’ve always felt like Rick did a shoddy job of exploring the impact of Tartarus on Percy and Annabeth. This update on Percy doesn’t really make up for what could have been, but I’m glad to see the trauma being taken a little more seriously.

Annabeth:

- I already shared my grievances about Annabeth in the plot section.

The Troglodytes:

- I kind of like the Troglodytes, but their presence in this story felt a little…long, almost like they overstayed their welcome.

Dionysus:

- Mr. D feels off in this book, both at the beginning at the end. At first, I couldn’t really tell what it was, but by the end, I think I got it. So we all know that under Mr. D’s “I don’t give a shit about y’all” exterior, he actually kind of cares about the demigods. However, he’s always been subtle with it so that he never looks like he cares too much, and I don’t think this is something that he would suddenly change just for Nico, even as his pseudo-therapist. Unfortunately, the way he’s written in the book and his dialogue is a little over the top. His excitement towards Nico at the end especially feels OOC.

Nyx:

- I like Nyx a lot better in this book than in HoH. She feels less like a bumbling idiot, and more like a truly scary entity, although I was not glad to see that little tourist skit return. I wish we had spent more time with her.

Writing Style/Quality

So for the last section for this review, I’m going to speak specifically on the writing quality of this book; I’ll be critiquing certain writing decisions made by both Mark and Rick.This section is also a smattering of thoughts, so I’ll be jumping again. Here we go!

First off, the overall formatting of the story was kind of weird and disjointed. For example, choosing to stick with Nico’s POV for the entire beginning, but then suddenly jumping between Will and Nico’s POV after the encounter with Epiales was giving me a little bit of a mental whiplash. I wish they would have stuck to one POV per chapter just to keep things more organized. The interspersing of the story time with Gorgyra was kind of weird too, especially after I learned that it was taking place at a point midway through the overall story. It’s clear that this part of the story mostly exists to establish the canon version of how Will and Nico developed feelings for each other and hooked up, but I think there were better ways of just weaving this into the main story rather than constantly pausing the main story to do this weird kindergarten story time thing. I mean, the main plot was already taking its sweet ass time, and the Gorgyra scenes made it feel worse. I think the Gorgyra thing should have just taken place at its chronological spot. Lastly, I think Nico’s solo Tartarus flashback would have worked better as an epilogue, like ´oh, this is how Nico’s last trip to Tartarus went and now this book is about how different his 2nd trip will now that he’s not alone and Will here’ or something like that.

Next, for the writing specifically, I have mixed feelings about Mark’s contributions to the book. One thing I appreciate about Mark’s writing is the heavier emotional weight of things. I’ve always felt like Rick’s writing was too “Go! Go! Go!” all the time and that he never let the emotions of the plot he was writing sit and simmer within the characters, making the characters feel a little hollow at times. I like that Mark is dwelling a little longer on the emotional aspect of the story and isn’t rushing right through them. However, there are certain portions of the book where the language is just a little too flowery and philosophical rather than just like…getting to the main point. This probably contributed to how long it took for the characters to move on from certain scenes. Also, there were portions of the book where the sentences just felt kind of clumsy and awkward, like Mark knew that they needed to write something but wasn’t quite sure what to write.

Moving on, the pop culture references are definitely a little much. Now, to be fair, pop cultural references are not new to the Riordanverse, but I reread the PJO/HoO/ToA series a little while ago, and I recently read the Kane Chronicles for the first time, and I don’t think the pop culture references in those series occur nearly as frequently as they do in certain portions of this book (ToA might be an exception, but I feel like Apollo’s/Lester’s close relationship with the performing arts makes it more acceptable). In addition, pop culture jokes are not the only way to make good jokes. One thing I really liked about the Kane Chronicles is how Rick often used the mythology/local culture/circumstances of the specific scene as the foundation for jokes, because these feel a lot more organic and natural to the story, and are actually funny, and I wish TSATS had leaned into this more. It also didn’t help TSATS that some of the references felt forced amidst the conversation being had (eg. Nico’s ‘Single Ladies’ joke on page 12. Will makes a comment about not having any monsters to slay, and Nico responds with a joke about making skeletons do a choreographed dance to ‘Single Ladies’. A joke about making skeletons dance felt like a weird response to a comment specifically about slaying monsters, and it didn’t really fit in with the conversation). In general, randomly mentioning things that your audience might be familiar with isn't really humor; the references have to make sense within the context of what’s happening. Puns, play-on-words, sarcastic/smartass comments have been used before in the Riordanverse and worked fine when they were written properly. For example, Will’s “Noble McSacrifice”comment on page 45 actually made me chuckle, as grown as I am. So yeah, Rick has done better jokes in past books, and the try-hard pop references in this book is another thing that made it feel like fanfiction. I cringed very very deeply when I read the “#OnBrand” joke.

Lastly, I’ve already mentioned my thoughts on Rick’s on-the-nose writing. It’s like he doesn’t trust the audience to connect the dots anymore on certain themes and social justice issues, and that they need it spelled out for them in the most blatant and obvious way possible. Like yay for Rick for wanting to touch on important topics, but there’s a way to do this without sounding like you’re making a social justice lecture post on 2014 Tumblr. Find a way to weave these topics and lessons into the narrative so that you’re showing your readers the lesson rather than just telling them the lesson.

Also, if you’re going to use the characters as mouth pieces for these things, it would be nice if the characters could actually sound like themselves rather than just a vehicle for what Rick wants to tell the audience. Like, I really hate how the characters are literally just stating and explaining their character arcs to us, as if we didn’t just literally read the book and can see the arc for ourselves.

Overall Impression

I think this book is pretty mid. It’s not the awful trash that some people think it is, but it didn’t really meet the hype for me either, especially as a non-Solangelo shipper. Certain aspects of it were nice, but many aspects of it annoyed me, and my opinions on Will/Solangelo haven’t really changed. I give it 3 out 5 stars.

#tsats spoilers #tsats crit #the sun and the star #Nico di Angelo #Will solace #solangelo #anti solangelo #rick riordan #mark oshiro #tsats #tsats review

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 2 years

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after a year long break, I replayed TFS

I haven’t been too active in the twdg fandom for about a year now, only popping in from time to time to talk about the Clementine comic or to answer the occasional ask.

A lot has happened- I got into the Dragon Age series and created a side blog dedicated to it, got a new job, played a LOT of Stardew Valley, read Clementine Book One enough times to make me weep all for the sake of a review, gave Skyrim a second chance and that went terribly, went on the search for a good sapphic romance novel but have yet to find one, replayed Fallout: New Vegas and remembered why it’s my favorite Fallout game, and it’s November so I’m crying about nanowrimo.

I haven’t touched The Final Season, or any Telltale game, since September of last year. My interactions with the fandom on this blog have been scarce, especially when you look at the way I used to post in 2018-2021 by comparison. But I got an email the other day from tumblr telling me that this blog turned 4 years old. I began looking through all of my old content and that inspired me to boot up TFS and experience it once again to see if my opinions changed.

Spoiler alert: A lot have.

I wasn’t planning on writing a post like this when I did my replay. After all, as I’m working on this it’s nanowrimo. I may or may not be an anxious mess, it’s fine, I’m fine.

I’m aware that the fandom isn’t exactly thriving at the moment but I feel like I need to get these feelings out of my system.

Y’see, it’s fascinating. I spent years running this blog- so many themed nights, talking with you guys and answering asks, writing fics, getting into dumb arguments, saying dumb things, and streaming the series on Mixer and Twitch, and for the most part? My views/opinions on the series were fairly consistent. There are a few exceptions, like my feelings on Minerva as a character changing or why I now choose to leave Lee at the end of S1 rather than shoot him, but everything else I was rather sure of.

So imagine my surprise when I finished and many of my opinions changed.

Turns out, time makes a fool of us all and spending a year away from the fandom and the series has shifted my perspective quite a bit. I’m able to set aside those rose-tinted glasses, but not get rid of them entirely.

I still stand by TFS as being a fantastic conclusion to the series. It was the ending Clementine deserved, and it’s still my favorite.

I believe the overall plot holds up great- Clementine and AJ find a new home. They have to fight to protect the people that become their found family. Clementine potentially falls in love or finds herself a best friend. The bond between Clementine and AJ is strong but tested in each episode. And to make matters emotionally complicated, the antagonist is someone from S1.

It’s flawed, sure, but point me in the direction of a plot you believe isn’t and I’ll find something to nitpick just to spite you.

I couldn’t imagine a better continuation/end point for Clementine’s story, and I will forever be grateful that this is just as much AJ’s story as it is Clementine’s.

I think this is the best looking game of the series. The school is something to admire for how beat up and overgrown it is, and the walkers are so decayed they’re practically walking skeletons with some flesh clinging to their bones. The character designs are great. The controls are easy, gameplay for Telltale games always are. The only time I had any trouble is the section where you have to distract the walkers so that James can retrieve his mask. I died three times before I was able to complete it without killing a single walker.... I did it all for you, James!

I also prefer the over-the-shoulder camera versus the fixed camera of the previous games. A lovely change, that one.

Oh, and the collectables! I love the collectables, that was such a great feature to implement into this game. Giving Clementine and AJ their own dorm that you can decorate with things you’ve collected makes it feel like home, like this is where Clementine is going to stay. For a lot of people, the last time Clementine had a room was back in S1 at the motor-inn, and she does have a room with AJ if you stayed at Wellington. I just like collecting things, man, it’s fun! Love it, I collect every item!

A big problem I do still have with this season is it’s only four episodes. Yes, it’s still a damn good season, but it always gives me a sense that it’s this close to being the best game Telltale ever created. So many things fall short and it sucks because they were so close, y’know? If they had just one more episode, they could’ve had time to cross the finish line.

I know that some of the developers have said they only needed four episodes to tell the story they wanted to tell and that’s why a fifth episode was cut. If that’s true, then I believe that might’ve been a mistake. If they said it was just a budget thing [and knowing Telltale, that probably was the more important factor] so they cut an episode and had to find a story they could tell in four, or cutting an episode meant they could improve things previous games were criticized for. I’d be more inclined to forgive it if that were the case.

But if it was just a creative choice and they could’ve easily had five episodes, it’s one that prevented it from surpassing two games that I would consider the best they ever made: Tales from the Borderlands and Batman: Enemy Within.

However, I’m aware that adding one more episode could’ve caused the season to crash and burn. Fair enough. We’ll never actually know how things would’ve turned out had they stuck to the five episode structure the previous installments followed. It might’ve become bloated, or dragged into boring territories, or more characters would’ve been killed off to fulfill a kill count, or more choices would need to be implemented that would’ve only furthered the illusion of choice these games are often criticized about.

The pacing can feel really rushed in a lot of spots, especially with the final episode. And yes, I know the fast pace was intentional, I watched the commentaries. Just because it was intentional doesn’t magically fix anything, it’s still a problem I have with it.

Lilly and the delta could’ve used more fleshing out. Most of the Ericson crew are underdeveloped. I would’ve liked to interact with Louis and Violet more before the Marlon confrontation, as well as more opportunities to interact with the others.

Speaking of characters, as much as I would love to write these grand essays about each character and what worked, what didn’t, all that… I don’t have time. Some will get longer sections than others, and I’ll discuss any opinions that have changed, as well as things that stuck out to me as I was playing.

Normally I’d start Clementine and work my way down to the antagonists, but fuck it, let’s start with our antagonists and work our way up.

Lilly, Abel, and the delta are terrible but in a good way

Fighting the raiders in this game feels like a final stand, y’know? These delta assholes want to kidnap people to fight in their war and they feel justified in this because they see those opposing them as worse. The delta aren’t the real baddies, they’re just trying to survive by any means necessary and they need people to fight, otherwise they’ll lose everything they worked for... but a lot of morals get muddied and downright tossed out in the process where these kids they’re taking, abusing, and traumatizing aren’t really people to them until they submit.

Lilly can have Louis’ tongue cut out and not bat an eye because he isn’t a person to her, he’s a “recruit” who stepped out of line. They’re all “recruits,” but that gets complicated when she sees Clementine as a person.

The raiders are a bunch of pieces of shit, no doubt, and they deserve what they got in the end for what they did, but I do like that you can look at them and say “I understand you want to protect your home and your people, that’s an honorable goal, one that mirrors our goal.... but this isn’t the way to do it, you’ve lost too much of your humanity and it will be your downfall.”

Honestly, I think the Delta vs Ericson group dynamics and what they’re willing to do to survive is interesting to compare and contrast.

Like the delta loses Abel in ep2 during the fight, and we get to interrogate him at the beginning of ep3. He tries to tell Clementine that Lilly’s on her way to get him but we all know that’s not true. The delta cut their losses. Despite needing people to fight in their war, they’re quick to kill, maim, or abandon and it has little effect on the group as a whole. They’ll just get more recruits, Abel is expendable, replaceable. Lilly’s upset when she hears what his ultimate fate was, but I wouldn’t say she’s distraught because she cared deeply about him as a person.

But then you have Ericson where losing two members, Marlon and Brody, rocks the entire foundation of the group. It causes rifts in relationships because they value each other a lot more as individuals. They’re younger, and the group is way smaller. Marlon’s betrayal left wounds, Brody’s death scared them, and the decision of what to do with Clementine and AJ wasn’t an easy one and they fought about it. When Aasim, Omar, and Louis/Violet get captured, the group doesn’t decide to cut their losses and more forward. That’s something Marlon would do. Instead, they risk so much to infiltrate the boat and save them. They’re not just three lost bodies, they’re people, friends. They plan to blow up the boat to kill the raiders so that they can’t harm anyone ever again.

I like an antagonist who mirrors the protagonist. Lilly and Clementine, delta and Ericson, what are they trying to do? Protect their home and people against an enemy, to survive, to have food and water and a chance to live in a world where the dead roam. But their methods? Very different. They’re not on the same scale and again, the moral compasses are all over the place, and they treat their people differently.

Both Clementine and Lilly are leaders who go to great lengths to protect their communities, they’ve both suffered a lot of trauma, their father figures play a big role in who they eventually become for better or worse. They both wandered alone until they found people and a home, a reason to keep going, and now they’re desperate to protect that because without it, they will have nothing left and that’s terrifying.

Plus, there’s the bonus of realizing Clementine could potentially become Lilly if she went down the wrong path. I mean, look at some of the shit she pulls in ANF. No one wants to hear that but there is it. What’s important is Clementine makes it clear that she’s not Lilly... and I hate to say it, but if Lilly lives, there is a possibility that she could change for the better, too, and I kinda like that.

Not excusing the bullshit she pulled. The only reason she’s even alive is because she manipulated her way into murdering James before the boat exploded. It’s hard to believe a woman who forced Minerva to relive the trauma of being forced to murder her own twin sister just so that Lilly could make a point to Clementine, or as mentioned before, having Louis’ tongue cut out. Or murdering Mitch... kidnapping children in the name of survival, brainwashing.... just a lot of bad stuff- it’s hard to believe a woman who did all of that could ever possibly change. She certainly appears unredeemable.

However, in the end she’s left with nothing but the weight of everything she did and knowing she did this to herself yet again. Might be the push she needs, and I’ve seen worse characters not waste their second chance.

Or you can just have AJ shoot her and then she rots. After all, your choices do matter, yes?

I know I’ve given Lilly as an antagonist shit in the past, complained about how they could’ve picked a better character to bring back, she sucks and I hate having to deal with her, blah blah blah...

but well actually Lilly is a great antagonist, ignore past CJ, past CJ doesn’t know anything and she’s dumb.

In my opinion, Lilly was the best option for a character to make a return as an antagonist. Yeah, yeah, “what about Christa??” I hear you, but Christa wouldn’t be nearly as compelling and this whole cry for what happened to Christa is old and tired and I think we should just accept that we will never, ever know.

Lilly is such a piece of shit, she’s so terrible, I hate her but I also really, really like her as the central antagonist.

And look, I know so many people in this fandom don’t like nuance, they want a simple good or bad answer, especially with characters and other things they don’t like because it’s easier since “brain thinkies made hurt happen no like.” Which fair enough, I can totally relate, that’s an exact quote from me whenever someone tries to talk to me about Loghain from Dragon Age: Origins and I don’t have the emotional energy to deal with everything I know of him from the books that play into the game so I go sit in my sad corner and ignore everything.

but c’mon, look at Lilly and tell me she’s a poorly written, one-dimensional villain. You can’t! If you do, I will point my little finger at you and loudly declare, “I respectfully disagree.”

She’s fucked up, she’s got her head up her own ass, she really wants to be in control as this intimidating, scary bitch who won’t hesitate to put a knife to your throat whenever she feels like it. She uses her power to manipulate and cause harm so that she never has to experience the helplessness she felt when she was alone and had nothing. She waltzes into Clementine’s cell with such threatening energy, but she’s also relaxed because she knows Clementine can’t do shit. And she’s impressed. She’s genuinely impressed at what Clementine almost accomplished. She sees that Clementine is the golden goose that made this entire trip and its losses worth it. Even if the delta lost everyone they captured but still had Clementine [and AJ] then it would still work in their favor.

With Clementine, she hesitates. She shows little sprinkles of humanity and it throws her off kilter. Honestly, it almost feels like a performance in the cells, y’know? I’ve given Lilly shit for appearing sympathetic in ep2 only to turn around and be a nasty asshole in ep3 which I still do somewhat think, but this time around? Watching Lilly’s body language and the way she speaks does make me believe it’s all a part of some game she’s playing. Deep down, she’s still the scared little girl who wants to pretend she’s a tough bitch no one can hurt, and that’s the performance. And everyone buys it. It only cracks with Clementine.

To me, that shows just how far gone she is. The others aren’t people, they’re “recruits.” They’re expendable despite the fact that the delta are supposedly at war and need people to fight. Lilly doesn’t want to see someone like Louis as a person because then she has to face the reality that she’s become a monster who believes cutting someone’s tongue out is necessary. She’s become the St. John’s who definitely didn’t see Mark as a person, and justified cannibalism with “all the dead do is eat people, it’s a waste! We were brought up not to waste, those folks were gonna die anyway, we do what is necessary to survive!”

THAT is the kind of shit she’s going to have to face if you spare her and she’s alone again.

It gets worse when she goes on about her father and it gives me this eerie feeling to hear the way she speaks knowing that Larry probably did more to traumatize her than just “he let our power get cut to teach me a lesson about turning the lights off, no more ice cream” like....... what the fuck bruh

I could honestly go on and on about Lilly as the main antagonist but I still have everyone else to cover, so I want to cover Abel next.

Stinky man bad and that’s good

I think he’s another great character. The dude’s name is Abel and he smokes hand-rolled bible cigarettes. He survives losing an arm. He’s a fucking dumpster fire who spends most of his screen time getting the shit beat outta him. He’s a huge creep, and he looks like the kind of man who wouldn’t shower for a month but then drench himself in axe body spray as if that’s the same thing as bathing.

But he’s a damn good character. I love that AJ is scared of him, that Abel is what AJ has nightmares about. It fleshes out AJ’s character while also establishing that Abel is scary. We meet him and you watch him approach Clementine and you just know this dude is a creep, you know he’s hiding something beneath the false chill he seems to have, and you know he won’t hesitate to hurt Clementine or AJ over some food.

He also has no attachment to Clementine like Lilly does and he’s all “what the fuck is this??” when Lilly wastes time talking to her, trying to convince her to come peacefully. Abel is focused on the job and he’s got unfinished business with them if you pushed him out the window. Oh, speaking of which, the dude gets bit and survives because he either chopped off his own arm or he made it back in time for the raiders to do it... hate him all you want, but I’m impressed he survived. The dude’s like a cockroach- a scrawny, ugly little cockroach.

Also he has a magic shotgun that somehow misses Clementine but manages to hit AJ so that’s pretty cool.

And the fight with him at the end of ep2 is soooo good. He gets his shit rocked and it’s great! Then the shot of him realizing he’s fucked as the Ericson crew surround him is *chef kiss*

His interrogation scene in ep3 where he breaks down, begging to not become a walker is my favorite from him. Like Lilly, he’s a piece of shit, but he’s at the point where he knows he’s going to die and everything hits him all at once. He talks about how it wasn’t supposed to end up like this and things got out of hand. The dude is broken, he knows he’s lost and all he wants is to be put out of his misery so that he doesn’t turn.

He shows some humanity in the end and again, I know some of you don’t like it when antagonists do that, it’s so much easier when they’re one-dimensional and pure evil… but that humanity, that’s the beauty and horror of it! Abel’s an unredeemable piece of shit but he’s human and that’s scary.

Minerva is not only a victim of the delta but of “uwu-ification” and it upsets me because she’s a fascinating, tragic character but the Minnie crowd are more interested in sexualizing/romanticizing her because they think she’s hot

....is the title of this section too blunt? Meh, I don’t really care.

Look, If you like Minerva, great. So do I. Even if you like the uwu-ification of her but aren’t pushy or obnoxious about it, then fine. I’m not criticizing you, I’m criticizing the “Minnie crowd” who are usually found mostly on instagram, but also on reddit, sometimes they pop up on here, and there are a few on wattpad and AO3. Or in my inbox under anon... I’ve gotten my fair share of Minnie crowd anons that were rather unpleasant.

I wrote an entire post about her and why I keep cringing at the Minnie crowd who seem to either toss away her trauma [and let’s be real, her character as a whole] because they feel it gets in the way of their fanon or they romanticize it because heeeeyyyy wouldn’t it hot if she and Clementine fought and then made out? Wouldn’t it be hot if she tried to kill Clementine and Violet?? CJ, you just don’t get it! Man, it’s soooo hot that Minnie’s tortured and sad and fucked up and feral and traumatized, like she killed her twin sister, let’s give her a new girlfriend to fix her trauma or turn her into a caricature to add some questionable drama to violentine~

Hm? What’s that about “a chip on my shoulder?” His name is Tim and he hates this shit, too, what of it?

Listen, I will never not have a bone to pick with the uwu-ification of Minerva, okay? I fully admit it. I think it’s an insult to the well-written character we were given and it only happened because she didn’t meet the flowery expectations of thirsty fans.

It personally annoys me that over time fans stopped caring about Minerva as she’s portrayed in the game in favor of turning her into a caricature who’s main character traits are that she likes girls and she’s mean. She is an excellent, complex antagonist with one of the most memorable death scenes in all of TWDG. She’s a tragedy.

She’s an example of what the delta does to its recruits and.... I don’t understand how you can say you love her as a character when you erase everything about her except her sexuality just so that you can ship her with someone she canonically hates and attempts to murder more than once, or force her back together with Violet which Vi doesn’t deserve that, I’m sorry, but she doesn’t!

Actually it kinda reminds me of what some DA fans will do to Anders. Listen, I shamefully, bitterly admit to being a serial Anders romancer in DA2, okay? And uwu-ification happens to him and it makes my brain mad!

I know uwu-ification happens to most characters to some degree within fandoms and it’s usually fairly harmless. I’ve heard every counter-argument and excuse you could possibly throw at me to justify it with Minerva. And look, I’ve definitely taken part in uwu-ification of characters in the past and I’m not proud to admit that, I’m trying to be better at appreciating characters for what they are while not being overtaken by fanon, y’know? So I get it, but at the same time this is an exception where it makes me physically uncomfortable due to the attitude of the Minnie crowd and I hate it.

Minerva's a goddamn tragedy. She was traded away with her sister and the raiders broke her! They broke everything about her!

Y’all wanted her to do a 180 and turn on the delta for us and that was never going to happen! We knew that from the moment we finally met her! She’s too far gone, she’s only in two outta four episodes, there isn’t enough time to develop a redemption arc for her! She wasn’t ever going to have a change of heart! She’s not the Grinch, you can’t just say some pretty words and then her heart grows three sizes and suddenly a years worth of brainwashing and trauma are gone! She is a broken person now who would need years of professional therapy and god knows what else to recover! She considers the delta, the people who forced her to murder Sophie, her home now, her FAMILY! She is a tragedy we were never going to save!

She’s surrounded by a shit ton of walkers, shooting and chopping away as she watches the raiders, the people she now calls family, fall one by one. She’s yelling at the walkers to get away from them, she doesn’t give a single shit about the Ericson crew, she doesn’t even wonder where Tenn is.

Then a walker bites her and she keeps going! A fucking walker bites off part of her face! And she just fucking shoots it and touches the wound! This girl was so far gone from reality that she’s turning into the undead herself but instead of giving up, she wanders through the forest, singing Don’t Be Afraid, all because she wants to find Tenn so that she can murder him so they can be with their family again and y’all don’t care! Why don’t y’all care?? Erase it, none of that actually matters!!

She’s such a great, complex character but hardly anyone gives a shit about her unless it’s in the context of her sexuality. It is so goddamn frustrating that I know only one person willing to have a discussion with me about her actual character instead of just going “no, you’re wrong!” and then refusing to elaborate on why I’m apparently such a piece of shit for thinking clemerva is toxic.

I just- what else can I say that I haven’t already said? This playthrough made me appreciate her so much as a character and as a “final boss,” so to speak, and knowing in the end that she got what she wanted because I chose to trust AJ makes my skin crawl and I love it. What a good consequence to that choice, as tragic and unfair as it is, holy shit. I take back any shit I might’ve said about it being a shitty choice, I was wrong and dumb.

God, what a tragic antagonist, she’s so good and I wish she had more actual appreciation.

Dude, Marlon’s pretty great ngl

I have an entire character analysis I wrote for Marlon already, so I won’t spend too much time on him.

I believe Marlon holds up wonderfully as ep1′s secret antagonist. He’s a great character and the writers did a great job of establishing him as friendly but cautious when Clementine first meets him, then elaborates on how he handles his position as the group’s leader. He’s stressed, he’s holding a lot of guilt, fear, and shame for what happened to the twins, and now he’s brought two more mouths to feed into the group. We get an idea of his longtime friendship with Louis, how he butts heads with Aasim over the safe zone, and how he handles his frustration and anger… as in he usually doesn’t handle it well and opts for the “everything is fine” route when things are clearly not fine.

And I know I’ve said this a million times… but the final confrontation with him at the end of ep1 is perfect. The rain, the thunder and lightning, the confusion, everyone rushing outside to find AJ pointing a gun at Marlon who is covered in Brody’s blood, so many emotions and accusations being thrown around, god it’s so good.

Though there is one thing that has changed for me after doing the replay after all this time: I’m glad Marlon died in ep1.

I know that sounds terrible coming from someone who used to always go off about, “Man, Marlon should’ve been determinant! AU where AJ shoots him non-fatally and he survives the season! He gets kicked out of the school and picked up by the raiders and has a redemption arc!”

Not so much now. I think Marlon’s role as it is in ep1 is perfect. The only things I would change would be a bit more information on his friendship with Louis and the other characters commenting their feelings about his leadership. But other than that? They nailed it.

This season didn’t need a Marlon redemption arc. Sure, it would’ve been nice, and I would’ve liked more Marlon just for Ray Chase’s performance alone. However, this season isn’t equipped for something like that which would need time and great care to do well. Three episodes wouldn’t be enough, and it wouldn’t be important enough for the overall plot that it’s entirely possible it would’ve ruined an already great character, or taken away from the other great elements of the story and its characters.

Just like Minerva, Marlon was never going to get redeemed. He wasn’t built for that.

His death is great, though. He, Brody, and Minerva have the best executed deaths this season for sure. It’s built up well considering it’s the confrontation in the rain that ends with a confession, only for AJ to shoot him in the back of the head and kickstart a huge conflict within the story.

Marlon’s a great character, he serves his purpose well and once again, I found myself truly appreciating him for what he is rather than being butthurt that he didn’t get a redemption arc that wouldn’t’ve worked anyway.

James is so damn interesting, where is his spin off story? Oh wait, Skybound nO, IGNORE THAT-

Dude, I fucking love James.

This guy is fascinating as hell and if I had any faith in Skybound producing good content related to TWDG, I would ask for a spinoff story about James.... but they made the Clementine comic instead and so I’m politely asking them to keep their stinky, greasy fingers off of him instead.

God, where do I even begin with James? How about the fact that this dude is an ex-whisperer who wanders around wearing walker skin so he can blend in with herds? He keeps a barn full of walkers as a means of “protecting” them from harm? because he’s so alone with his own thoughts and memories of who he used to be that it warped his perception of the walkers? to where he now views them as “something in between” and he believes being a walker sounds peaceful? and when you consider that walkers don’t think, they don’t remember, they just wander and eat and exist? that’s something that would sound appealing to someone so lonely and full of shame?

Like… James is so sad. I feel bad for him. Even if I don’t agree with this idea that walkers have something human in them, more so because I hope they don’t, I still respect his wishes to not kill the walkers when he asks. I’m willing to listen to him explain how he thinks, and I try to respond as politely as I can while also keeping my Clementine’s attitude in mind.

And he’s STILL sad in the end no matter what his fate ends up being. Either he’s stabbed in the back by Lilly and left to become a walker, or he witnesses a child kill Lilly and it breaks a piece inside of him where he loses it and tries to separate AJ and Clementine.

Which can I just say that while I understand not liking James because he’s a hypocrite if he makes it to the cave scene, I can’t agree that it’s poor writing.

Yes, you’re right, James IS a hypocrite and that’s the point!

It makes sense with his character! He’s pulling the “I will make peace with violence” card and it’s irrational, it’s bullshit. It’s a huge breaking point for him. This whole time he’s been on about wanting peace, that walkers are something in between and that’s why he protects them, why he feels conflicted about giving his aid to Clementine to save her friends. It’s like he’s so worried and afraid that he’s going to revert back to who he was, or that others are going to become like he was that he’s overcompensating. It’s bad enough that it blinds him to the danger Lilly still possesses even if she’s down with a gun pointed at her. It’s as AJ says, James didn’t see what she did, he has little context for who she is, and he’s more concerned that AJ is the one with the gun. Though, I would argue that he’d still try to stop you if it was Clementine holding the gun, but either way.

In the end, he’s either killed as your friend, or you’re forced to confront him as a friend turned antagonist and try to convince him that his argument isn’t as cut and clear as he wants it to be.

I find him compelling and I love what they were able to do with him in such a short amount of time.

Also, in my playthrough, I spared Lilly so James died and came back as a walker and I can’t look at him like that without remembering the nightmare that was half the fandom talking about how hot walker James is and how they’d let him eat them........ that happened and I wish I could pretend it didn’t hhnnngggg-

Rosie is best girl

Telltale giving us an animal companion and NOT killing her off for dramatic effect? Nawwww but it worked soooo well in MCSM with Rueben!

Oh wait, no it didn’t, Rueben’s death was hilariously bad. Whoops.

I want to kick off getting into the Ericson crew by informing everyone that Rosie is best girl and I am forever thankful she survived to the end of the season. I love that they brought back Clementine’s trauma with dogs from S2 and allowed her to warm up to Rosie at her own pace.

I like to think of Rosie as an apology to us from Telltale for what they did with Sam in S2... y’know, forcing us to deal with a smaller Clementine getting attacked by a dog and forcing her to either kill him or leave him to suffer.

Instead of that, we have Rosie who mostly chills out around Ericson, fights off walkers, bites the shit outta Abel, and goes on a fishing trip with AJ at the end.

What else can I say? She’s a lovely addition, thank you.

Omar exists

Omar is a character who exists in TFS and really, that’s about it.

I mean, sure, he’s the group cook and he gets shot and kidnapped, and he survives to the end, which good for him.

Yeeeeeeah so I don’t feel strongly about Omar one way or the other. The most entertaining thing about him is knowing his history as The Chef God Omar and how Telltale got in on the joke by actually thanking Omar in the credits alongside Clementine’s eyebrows. That’s a lot of fun.

I do have my own backstory for him that I wrote forever ago but just Omar in-game? Meh. He’s there. He does some stuff. He survives. That’s about it.

Unfortunately Willy is a character I don’t feel that strongly about

I feel bad for not liking Willy as much as I used to while doing this replay. Really, he only becomes interesting in ep3 when we get development with him coming to terms with Mitch’s death.

I don’t have any real complaints about Willy, other than maybe the chronic masturbation joke which was pretty cringe. Though the game still got a chuckle outta me for Clementine pointing at Louis like “Don’t you dare” when AJ asks what that is, only for Tenn to lean over and tell him anyway.

I like how Willy’s reaction to Mitch’s death was handled even if their relationship was severely underdeveloped. They’re both side characters so I give it a small pass, especially with showing Willy mourn and lash out at Tenn. I do appreciate how Willy came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Tenn’s fault and that he shouldn’t have shoved Tenn down, and he knows he should apologize. It’s good to see younger characters admit when they’re wrong, be sincere in their apologies and move forward in a better way. I also like that he takes over as the Ericson crew’s bomb maker, following Mitch’s notes and doing research in books, all that.

Y’know, I would split the Ericson crew into two categories, with the first being the more fleshed out, essential characters who fill an important role, such as Louis and Violet. You can’t remove one of them without removing a huge part of the story.

The second is the category Willy falls into, which is characters who are given a bare minimum of development but don’t carry as much significance, they’re there to fill a seat at the table during the happy ending. If you wanted to, you could switch characters around, or remove them, and not much would change about the plot. Willy could’ve died and Mitch lived, and things would’ve played out the same just with Mitch mourning Willy’s death then making a bomb to blow up the boat.

Willy’s fine, he’s likable enough. That’s all I got.

Mitch is.....not great uh oh what the fuck

.........................no seriously what the fuck?

Yeah, so Mitch isn’t a great character, and as I type that I can feel myself taking a sledgehammer to a huge chunk of the foundation holding this blog up.

Aside from Louis and Clementine, y’know who was a big player in my blog content? Mitch!

Y’know what other ship along side clouis had a big impact on my blog? Jamitch!

Now I’m sitting here with a lot of questions.

He’s not a bad character, that’s not what I mean when I say he’s not great. No, he’s a fine character who fulfils his role in the game. He can be a dick, he’s the one who calls the vote to get Clementine and AJ kicked out, but he can also be quite funny at times. There is a moment of softness with him that you only get when you choose to burn Ms. Martin. It’s interesting that he knows how to make bombs... but then he dies so that we can have a kill count and it’s like.... huh. I remember being a lot more pissed about that.

His death is still dumb, don’t get me wrong. Running at Lilly like that was a stupid thing to do and it lead to a gruesome, painful death for him.

But someone had to die and Omar wouldn’t’ve impacted anyone soooo.... Mitch got some development so that we’d feel bad seeing him get killed, a true The Walking Dead death.

One thing that’s apparent to me now that I’m revisiting this after so long is how bloated my head was with canon, fanon, headcanon, “I don’t like this so it’s bad and it should’ve been this instead,” fixating on things outside of the game rather than it in, building off of each other and creating au’s....

It’s me taking off those rose tinted glasses to look at a game with characters I adore and knowing I only thought some of them were so great was because I projected my ideal version onto them. I have fics written about Mitch that explore his character because I liked him, he died, and I was like, “I don’t like that, I can fix it, I can fix everything I don’t like and then it will be better,” so I did.

But now I look at Mitch and he’s in the same category as Willy, but he’s also just another tally on the death quota. He’s not a favorite anymore and that’s kind of a bitter thing for me to swallow.

I will say, I’m still curious about the idea of jamitch as far as “what would these characters say to each other if they met?” but would I say it’s a big ship for me now...? Not really, and not just because they’re two characters who never canonically meet or because I no longer think them meeting would be interesting.... it’s just, I’m no longer attached to Mitch so any ships with him hold little appeal to me. It’s actually bizarre to go back and read my jamitch stuff because it doesn’t even feel like it came from me. I don’t think I ship it anymore.

Oh look, my foundation is crumbling, aaaaaaaahh-!

I like Mitch, he’s a jackass, he didn’t deserve to die, but he’s definitely not a favorite anymore and it gives me a lot of mixed feelings that I don’t quite know where to put yet.

Brody is… okay

So… it’s probably not a great sign when my favorite Brody scene is when she turns into a walker and hunts Clementine in the basement, huh?

Here’s the problem with Brody… you only get more character development with her if you go fishing in ep1, which I never do. Because of this, my interactions of her consist of her introducing herself, then the next day she panics and calls me stupid for pushing Abel out the window… then she tells me the truth about the twins and Marlon kills her…. So I can’t say I’m invested in her character until we get down in the basement, and by then it’s too late. She’s another character who exists in this story to give crucial information before dying.

But damn, fighting off walker Brody is one of the best parts of the game. The atmosphere, the guttural groaning, the thunder, moving through the dark with only a flashlight as a defense, wonderfully executed scene.

Other than that, though… I can’t say she really compelled me. I even watched Violet’s full romance on youtube for her section, and it obviously included everything for when you go fishing and yeah, Brody’s nice and she does have a great purpose in the episode. You get a sense of loneliness from her but this scene isn’t really about her… well, it is but the main focus is on Violet and us interacting with her to help repair the relationship with Brody more so than the scene being about Brody herself.

And yes, her being the only other person to know about the twins and keeping the secret with Marlon is interesting. You can tell she’s reaching a boiling point that Marlon’s trying to keep a lid over but the steam's rising, water’s boiling over, and Brody confesses everything to Clementine… then Marlon kills her and tries to pin it on Clementine.

I do think there’s a discussion to be had about why Brody didn’t come clean before and what that says about her character. I just wish the game wanted to have that discussion a little more before she died.

She completely points the finger at Marlon whereas he claims they’re in everything together. So, is Marlon lying or is Brody unwilling to accept she’s just as responsible for not stepping in or coming clean earlier? Did Brody keep everything a secret because she was scared of Marlon or was it to save her own ass? Perhaps some of both? I dunno, and I’ll never know because she died.

Oh, also... this is probably the point where I should mention my history as a briolet shipper.

I don’t think it’s a good ship anymore.

You can’t hear it, but I’m laughing... I’m laughing because aside from clouis, all of my other ships are just crumbling and I can’t save them.

Looking back I’m pretty sure I only shipped it because I felt pressure to give Violet a girlfriend after all the shit people gave me. Sure, I genuinely liked it at the time but let’s be real, it’s another case of slapping two pretty girls together and saying, “look, girlfriends” because we’re dumb and easy and like to pretend as if that’s enough... which I don’t believe it is. I hate when people do that and here I am... just slap a walker mask on my head and call me James because whoops, I did the thing I hate! I am shame! I’m trying not to do that anymore!

But yeah, Brody’s fine, she served the story fine, and her walker scene is bitchin’.

TWDG where everything is the same but Aasim wears a shirt that says “wasted potential”

I’m actually kinda mad about Aasim.

No, really, I’m mad. I still look at this dude in ep1 and say, “wow they really set you up as important and then did nothing with you, huh?”

Because yeah, why have a character who pointedly challenges Marlon, who you can choose to spend time with, who stood in between extremes when it came to the vote, why set up an interesting character with pay off when you can just NOT do that?

Why pay off his conflict with Marlon by having him act as leader, effectively leaving both Louis and Violet out of the leadership position to bring in more balance? I’m sorry, I know the Violet crowd hates me for saying Aasim should’ve been leader instead of her but I truly believe he was the better option.

I don’t like the direction of putting her in a leadership position because I believe that should’ve gone to a neutral party between her and Louis..... y’know, Aasim. I understand a lot of people look at that as part of Violet’s arc of a not liking people to suddenly being in charge of a group, and fair enough, it should make sense but I look at the way she's written and I can’t help but think she’s not a good leader, I’m sorry.

She doesn’t have the skillset and she doesn’t gain the skillset over time. Yelling and belittling people, not trying to level with them or see things through their eyes, not taking the entire group into consideration when having Tenn bring Clementine and AJ to the funeral, it’s not good and it unbalances things.

Aside from Clementine, no one wants to talk to her when there’s an issue. It’s actually one of the funniest moments in ep2 when Aasim and Willy are arguing, Violet yells at them “guys, what the fuck!?” and instead of telling her the problem, they immediately turn to fucking Louis who is just standing there like “I don’t... you don’t have to scream at each other? stop looking at me, I’m not in charge??” They should feel comfortable talking to their leader but they don’t and that’s a problem! And it doesn’t even get better in ep3 because Clementine pretty much takes charge from that point no matter what! So?? What are we doin’ here??

“Oh but Aasim would be a bad leader because he got mad at Willy! He doesn’t have the skillset!”

Character assassination might be too big of a term for this case... but I’d call this character abandonment, as in they set Aasim up for this position and then didn’t follow through with it so he’s left behind in a puddle of mud to sink slowly.

In ep1, Aasim does show some leadership qualities in the way he puts the group first and develops back up plans. He challenges Marlon about the safe zone, he’s not unkind to anyone other than Louis, but you get the sense that that’s just their dynamic and it’s nothing malicious. Aasim’s responsible and he clearly cares about the group’s future. The dude keeps a journal to document everything so that they don’t repeat their mistakes.

When it comes to Clementine and AJ, he isn’t blinded by his feelings of either “AJ murdered Marlon! He’s dangerous!” or “Marlon sucked anyway, it’s fine, I want them to stay.”

He votes for them to stay because he knows Clementine and AJ are capable survivors and them staying increases their odds of surviving what’s to come, but he doesn’t just brush what happened under the rug or pretend it’s all fine and dandy.

Don’t you dare tell me no one else stepped up when you made it clear Aasim was willing to stand up in ep1. His character made the most sense! Plus, he always ends up getting taken away by the raiders. If he were the leader, then that’s another blow to the Ericson crew- they’re without a leader once again, and now it’s Clementine’s turn to step up.

But noooooo, instead we get “Oh uh.... I guess he has a crush on Ruby now... and he’s mean to Willy.... that’s about it. Oh and there he goes, getting kidnapped byeeee Aasiiiiiim~”

Nonsense, I say!

I like Aasim, he had a great start and no pay off. He and Brody were characters partnered up with Louis and Violet, suggesting they’re both important. Brody’s character had a pay off, and Aasim’s didn’t.... unless you count him getting together with Ruby as pay off but rusim is a bland ship.

Yeah, I said it, rusim has very little going for it and I don’t know why any of us shipped it. I mean, they don’t talk to each other. We never get an actual conversation between them. They don’t flirt. They don’t have chemistry. He gets dared to give her a kiss and she punches him. She never shows any affection toward him and his affection toward her comes outta no where because they didn’t know what else to do with him and I think that’s a waste!

The writers just pointed at them and said, “they’re holding hands,” and the fandom went “ohmuhgawd they’re holding hands!” because we’re easy and dumb and predictable!

They could’ve had chemistry if the game didn’t wait until the last five minutes to show them holding hands and feeding each other. Sure, it’s cute that they hold hands [though the feeding each other thing is weird] but any npcs could hold hands? Ruby could’ve held hands with Omar and I still would’ve gone “oh that’s cute.”

Hell, now that I say that, Ruby and Omar getting together would’ve at least been funny after they set up Aasim liking her.... well, okay not funny for Aasim, but I would’ve laughed and I’m more important, buddy.

Aasim is yet another case of this season almost having it but falling short. Should’ve had him replace Marlon, both Louis and Violet would’ve benefited from it.

Ruby is great, I reeeeeeally like Ruby

I’ve always liked Ruby but I feel like this time around I truly appreciated her.

She’s a character who teeters between the two categories I’ve talked about. She’s one of the more fleshed out characters in the Ericson crew, but she’s not quite on the same level as Louis and Violet, y’know? We see her consistently throughout the season, we learn more about her each episode, and she lives to the end to fill a seat at the table… where she spoon feeds Aasim and I quietly judge them for it.

Ruby has one of the best introductions, too. She literally stomps up to us like, “‘Bout time you woke up! yer little boy bit me! >:[ shoulda took a boot to his head!” and then she stomps away! It’s so good! Plus, AJ’s apology scene with her is sweet.

Ruby’s a charming character with a lot going for her. She’s established as the groups nurse, she learned to patch people up from Ms. Martin and that scene where the two are “reunited” in the greenhouse is heartbreaking. Ruby was a little girl with anger issues and you feel her grief when she looks at Ms. Martin’s decayed and overgrown corpse and says, “I just wish I could make her look like she did.”

It’s a great character moment to show us how deeply Ruby feels things, y’know? She doesn’t try to hide her feelings, she wears her heart on her sleeve and there’s no shame in that.

She throws a party [”hootenanny”] in ep3 when we’re at our lowest point. She wants everyone together the night before a dangerous rescue mission so no one has to be alone and scared. Hell, she even tries setting up some games so they can laugh and forget reality for a little bit... only for it to bite her in the butt when she brings out the student records and the reality of how many students have died since the start sinks in, then Louis/Violet share their backstories and Ruby is just like “....I guess I’m not a game person, I’m sorry” like she’s so damn sweet, I can’t.

I loved having Ruby around, what a great character.

Weirdly, I don’t have that much to say about Tenn but I feel like I should since he’s one of the more important characters in TFS

I think Tenn’s a sweet kid albeit naïve and somewhat of a screw up, but I don’t think those flaws are “bad,” y’know?

Lots of people put Tenn in the same category as Ben, Nick, Sarah, and Gabe and act like the flaws these characters carry are poorly written or straight up bad just because they don’t like that character.

The character gets in the way and messes things up for the group, therefore they’re a bad character, all that. I disagree with that logic. A character can be a well-written screw up. I believe Tenn is the more well-written “screw up” of the bunch since he has a lot more time devoted to him and you never get the sense that the writers dislike him and just want to kill him off quickly.

His potential death was well-thought out and makes sense for his character- Minerva’s beckoning him to come to her so they can “go to the place where everyone gets to be a person again,” like he knows she wants to kill him and he hesitates before AJ tackles him to the ground. He refuses to cross the bridge because goes back for Minerva and fights against Louis or Violet.

And yeah, people still give him shit because it’s easy to look at this and call him stupid rather than looking at the inner turmoil he’s going through in that moment. He’s witnessing his sister- who he thought was dead- being eaten alive by walkers and he wants to save her even if she’s unsavable at that point. There is no logical thought, he’s not listening to Louis or Violet, Tenn has tunnel vision where his sister is at the end... but so is death and we don’t know if Tenn’s actually aware of that or not.

Everything happens so fast, and a quick decision from AJ seals Tenn’s fate, as well as the fate of Louis/Violet. Someone has to die on the bridge, otherwise you’re going to lose both of them and it’s not fair, it’s bullshit... and it’s great as far as a scene and consequences of your choices go.

For me, Tenn always dies on the bridge. Not only because I’m a selfish hoe who refuses to let Louis die, though I will admit that’s a pretty big part of it... but for me, it makes more sense for Tenn to die on the bridge rather than Louis or Violet. I hate giving Minerva what she wants, but my Clementine would trust AJ and that’s what leads to that decision... and it’s brutal.

Tenn left a big impact on AJ, he was his first real friend and believe me, I see the appeal of the ending where Tenn survives at the cost of Louis or Violet’s life even if it’s not for me.

Tenn’s idea that one day the walkers will be gone is a fun one, if not bittersweet. Sweet because it’s refreshing to meet a character who has an idealistic hope for the future, but bitter because that future may never happen, and if it does, it won’t be anytime soon.

He’s a neat character to have thrown into the cast, as well as a tragic addition to the kill count.

Violet and I have a long history together

Ruh roh, Shaggy, we’ve reached Violet’s section. I’m sure some of you scrolled right over everything else to get here and since you’re in such a hurry, allow me to not waste your time:

In my opinion, Violet’s okay. For me, she’s at her best in ep1, but after that she loses me. I can’t even say I like her anymore because her character falls flat, especially in Louis’ route. But her route doesn’t hold up any better. I can’t help but compare her romance with other wlw romances in games I’ve played and they beat her out by an alarming amount... well, with the exception of Chloe and Rachel from LiS. Those two are some of the shittiest love interests I’ve ever come across and Violet is leaps better than them. So... a point to her, I guess.

I don’t see the appeal of her as a love interest and it never feels like her scenes are hers. They feel more like things the writers jotted down and said, “hey that’s cute” but they don’t tie into her character well and I think that’s a waste. In fact, give Violet a “wasted potential” t-shirt, too, she and Aasim can be twins.

There it is, take it and run. For the rest of you, allow me to go more into detail.

And just as a note: when I refer to the “Violet crowd,” I’m not talking about ALL Violet fans. Like with the Minnie crowd, I’m talking about certain fans that irritate me. They’re the ones with an agenda to convince people Violet’s the only valid character/love interest/route in TFS while ignoring or romanticizing her flaws/mistakes in an unhealthy way but try to convince you they’re ideal. They’re incredibly hostile to everyone who disagrees with them. They’re the ones who have blown up my inbox for years.

Violet and I have a long history together that goes- “Oh yeah, I love Violet, I just prefer to romance Louis!” to “I like Violet, she’s a good character but she has a lot of flaws, I wish I liked her romance as much as you guys do but I get it,” to “yeah, she’s fine, I like her...” to now where I’m like, “......yeah she’s not great, I don’t really like her.”

I’m aware that my dislike of her has a lot more to do with the Violet crowd than Violet herself. Y’know, all the anons calling me names and telling me to delete my blog, the one time my discord server was spied on, and vague posts that would cause people to send me like “hey, I think this is about you :/” asks because of who it was and how the timing added up too well. Of course I’m going to associate Violet with that shit and that’s going to affect my overall opinion of her.

I tried, okay? It’s not like I looked at the surface, decided I didn’t like her, and then actively chose to be an ass. I genuinely tried to see her the way Violet fans do but I believe this is just a matter of liking different things, y’know?

It’s been a year, I went into this replay wanting to like Violet so much. I wanted to write this post like, “I finally get it, y’all! I love Violet and I love violentine! Hooray!” and then there would be peace, we’d all hold hands and sing together until dawn! ...but no, that didn’t happen, I’m sorry.

I’ve been away from the shitty side of the Violet crowd, I don’t have pressure on me to be overly nice just to keep the peace in a thriving fandom or fear that my followers are gonna be upset that my opinions have changed or the worry that I’m gonna get Violet anons yelling at me to just admit I hate her and fuck off as if it’s important to them that I say it.

Which now that I think about it, y’all really did the self-fulfilling prophecy thing, didn’t you? Thanks for that, here’s a gold star for your effort⭐I’m sure it was worth it.

And y’know, it doesn’t make any goddamn sense. In theory, I SHOULD like Violet. I should be more into her romance route but I don’t feel the chemistry and Violet’s character is another case of this game almost having it but not quite.

And in the name of being fair, I even rewatched her full romance with Clementine on youtube [sorry, I didn’t want to sit down and do another 10 hour playthrough okay I had no time] because in Louis’ route I’m obviously not going to spend as much time with her. You miss a lot of information which results in her character feeling unfinished.

But before I talk about her romance route, let’s talk a little about Violet’s cell scene in Louis’ route since my opinion has shifted on that: I don’t hate it for what it is because it does it’s job.

Violet loathes you after you let her get taken. She hates and blames you for everything, then she attacks you so that you don’t fuck up again. Because her trust in you is completely broken, the consequence is she stays on the boat with Minerva only to be blinded in the explosion after Minerva ditches her. Her end card even straight up tells you she hates you.

No, I still don’t believe she was brainwashed/tortured on the boat, I still think certain devs are full of it for that. If you wanna interpret the scene that way then you’re welcome to, just don’t get pissy when I don’t.

I feel like I shouldn’t need anyone who worked on TFS to tell me crucial information outside of the game rather than showing it in game. There are signs of manipulation from Minerva, and Violet’s clearly pissed off and in a vulnerable state after being captured. She’s been told that if anyone steps outta line, they’ll kill someone she cares about, so she complies. She’s bitter, she’s hurting, she feels hopeless and betrayed and Clementine is there to take the brunt of those feelings.

If the intention of this scene was to show us she was brainwashed and tortured just as bad as Louis [because remember, the Violet crowd will insist this is the only valid interpretation] then why didn’t it?

Why is she behaving like she’s just pissed off? Why aren’t Aasim and Omar as scared as they are when Louis’ gets his tongue cut out? Why doesn’t her end card say she was traumatized after her time with the raiders like Louis’ end card? Why does her end card say she despises Clementine? Why are you allowed to tell her off when you’re not allowed to tell Louis off in his cell scene? If Violet isn’t just mad then why isn’t that reflected in how Clementine treats her versus how she treats Louis in his scene? Why did you also need to blind her in ep4 if her torture was just as bad if not worse than Louis losing his tongue? Doesn’t trauma dumping onto Violet throw off the balance of things? Why aren’t you making it clear what happened like you did with Louis?

You didn’t need to clear up what happened to Louis outside of the game so why do you have to do it for Violet?

Oh wait, you did make it clear- she pissed at you, no longer trusts you, and she stays on the boat as a result of that.

The end consequence of not saving Louis is he loses his tongue, and not saving Violet results in her being blinded. Violet’s consequence just happens to come later, and because of that fans got pissed that Louis was maimed but Violet was “fine.” And instead of just saying, “There’s one episode left, wait and see,” certain developers got defensive and tried to appease players.

If you look at the scene the way it was written, it’s good. If you look at it the way certain developers told you to, it’s poorly done. And you can argue with me all you want, this is one of those things that you’re never going to change my mind about. We can agree to disagree.

Moving away from that, let’s talk about her romance route.

I give credit to Violet in ep1. I genuinely like her. It does a great job of establishing her character and hinting that she’s a potential love interest.

I still stand by Violet being full of shit that she didn’t know Clementine and AJ were staying in the twins room and used Sophie’s pencil box as an excuse to check on them after things ended awkwardly in the card game. I like that, it shows that she’s not really opposed to us being there even if having someone in the twins’ old room brings back painful memories.

You can tell she hasn’t had anyone else to really talk to since the twins died as she ends up saying a lot more than you’d expect. This is a rare moment where I do feel some chemistry between her and Clementine as they’re sitting on the beds facing each other, especially when you have Clementine admit that she’s not great with first impressions or people in general, too.

I’ll even give Violet a pass for being a jerk to Brody. Yeah, it’s poor behavior. It makes things awkward when Brody is just trying to be friendly with Clementine only to have Violet throw in an unnecessary, sarcastic quip, but it’s the first episode. It’s good to establish flaws so we get to see growth. You understand why there’s tension, and Violet making things weird fits in with her whole “I’m not exactly a people person” thing.

Oh, and when you appeal to her against Marlon, he tries to manipulate her with his bullshit, “they were my friends, too!” and while I heavily disagree with bringing a weapon into the mess as that just escalates things, it makes sense with her character and acts as juxtaposition with Louis deescalating things by stepping forward without a weapon.

So yeah, I actually really like ep1 Violet.... but then the rest of the season happens.

First of all, I love Minerva as a character but god does she hold Violet back. It’s always one step forward, two steps back with Violet and her deal with Minerva. The mentions of her ep1 were fine, but then it just makes me roll my eyes when I realize what they’re doing here.

And to be fair, I think I’m just sick of the whole “queer girl love interest has an ex-girlfriend who causes trouble and gets in between the couple we’re supposed to root for” plot point in games and books that when I see it, I make a disgusted noise so strong that even Cassandra Pentaghast herself would be impressed.

My grievances about that aside, I don’t care much for the star gazing. As a concept, it’s sweet but it never feels like Violet’s scene. I get that the bell tower represents the isolation Violet has from the rest of the group, and we’re supposed to feel special that she’d bring us there... but the mini-game fucks with the pacing and the scene feels disconnected from Violet. Hard to explain, but lemme try.

I made this post about how I think Violet should’ve been into basketball and how a better alternative to the bell tower scene would be her and Clementine shooting hoops together, how an activity Violet’s interested in [and I mean genuinely interested in, she doesn’t actually know anything about stars despite what the Violet crowd claims and that’s why they make up their own constellations] would’ve benefitted her. The writers never seem interested in telling you anything Violet likes, it’s always things she doesn’t like or the things she sad about so it’s hard to get to know her.

That’s the problem, I think. I feel like I never got to actually know Violet as a person during her romance and that’s a problem. I know her backstory, I know she’s conflicted about Minerva, that she’s not a people person, I know she cares about Clementine... but what does Violet like? And I swear on Andraste’s flaming knickers, if you say “chicken nuggies lmao” I’m gonna be very disappointed in you-

Ahem, I mean, what does Violet want? What aspirations does Violet have for the future? What did she want prior to the apocalypse? Why doesn’t she have anything to call her own the same way Louis has music?

It’s like they focused too much on her deal with Minerva that they forgot to make her more than just a romance... if that makes sense? She doesn’t hold up on her own and I believe that’s a waste. Louis stands on his own as an interesting character outside of Clementine and Violet should as well.

The walk back to Ericson starts strong with her admitting she was stupid about Minerva and how she tried not to care about Clementine. That felt like a good character moment... but her wanting to rename the school is meh.

Again y’all, this close to an overall great scene but then it nose dives. She says Ericson never felt like home, she couldn’t picture it as a home, because of the name and then just decides they should rename it and it’s lame. I’m sorry, it’s LAME! Hate to break it to you, Vi, but the name isn’t the problem. You didn’t want to leave because of the name, you don’t want to stay because of a new name.

I like her freak out on AJ after he shoots Tenn, because yeah Violet it turns out excusing murder baby’s actions isn’t so easy when he kills someone you actually care about huh? But, her final talk with AJ at the end isn’t as impactful as it could’ve been, especially when compared to Louis’.

Speaking of which, love that double standard of “Louis is a shitbird for being mad at AJ for killing Marlon and taking two weeks to apologize, he put them in danger, Clementine would never date him!” and “oh my god let Violet be mad at AJ! He killed Tenn and she’s really sad about it okay! She doesn’t have to forgive him after only a few weeks, stop invalidating her feelings, THIS is how Louis should’ve handled things!” yeah because they’re the exact same character in the same exact situation therefore they should react and handle things the exact same, mmhmmm, you’re not full of shit or anything, go off.

Huh? Wha- yes, I know Tim’s on my shoulder and he thinks it’s dumb too, hush-

Violet’s fine, she just isn’t for me and I don’t think that’s ever going to change no matter how much time passes. I wish I liked her more.

Louis is the best non-playable character TWDG has given us, it actually makes me emotional

Look, this post is long. I still have Clementine and AJ to cover and a final thoughts section to write and I don’t have time to give you the in-depth analysis of Louis that you deserve, but I can give you a more tame version while linking some to other posts I have.

Here’s a post diving into his actions in ep2 and why everyone hating him for voting Clementine out is really dumb, and a post ranting about how heartbroken he would be if the Clem comic were actually canon, and this T5F I did of my top 5 favorite Louis moments, and honestly just scroll through the Louis tag on my blog, there is so much that I can’t link without bloating up this entire post. I just... I don’t have time to give you everything and I don’t want to be more repetitive than I already am.

Louis is my favorite character in TWDG across all games. I fucking love him. I was reeeeally worried that I would replay TFS and not be as invested in his character or route but oh my god, his story holds up so fucking good. I’m struggling to put it into words. Even today, Louis remains one of my favorite characters across all the games I’ve played and his romance with Clementine? I die, don’t bother burying me, just toss me into the ocean to be fish food, I cannot handle it-

If I were to make a tier list of all of my favorite male romances from games that I’ve played, he would still be in S-tier with my other absolute favorite male romance, Alistair from DAO. And given that I haven’t been around for about a year, this is a TWDG blog, and I haven’t been comfortable enough to begin gushing on my dragon age blog yet, you don’t know- you don’t have ANY idea how strongly I feel about Alistair fuckin’ Theirin, okay? You have no idea, and if I told you, you’d think I were a crazy person! Which fair enough, I may be BUT that’s not what we’re here to discuss! My point is, my S-tier has two slots and in those slots are Alistair and Louis, THAT is how well Louis holds up.

Louis’ back must ache after carrying this season because without him, TFS would’ve been significantly worse... okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. In reality, Clementine and AJ’s backs must also hurt because the three of them carried this season.

I’m excited, can you tell I’m getting excited? I fucking adore Louis.

I just- where do I even- I want to talk about everything but I can’t. From his introduction to his backstory to his romance route, I have few complaints. As a character he grows so much in a way that feels like natural progression and not once does anyone have to actually say, “Wow Louis has changed so much” because no one has to, we actually get to experience it.

Louis starts off as fun but unreliable, he doesn’t take most survival tactics seriously which annoys characters like Marlon and Aasim, he values living among surviving and knows that any day could be their last so might as well make the most of it, even if that causes him to neglect chores and responsibilities. He’d rather keep his head down and not deal with conflict, he places all of his trust in Marlon, doesn’t ever question his leadership, and let’s face it, he’s a little dramatic.

But god, he breathes so much personality in every scene he’s in. Even if he’s just somewhere in the background, you feel it. He’s a kind person who doesn’t want to fight. Disagreements, sure, he’ll have those with Aasim or Clementine, but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He doesn’t want the life they’re surviving for to be wasted away and sees the value in enjoying it. He plays piano and music is so heavily weaved into his character and I love what that brings to his backstory and the romance scene in ep2.

Everyone gives him shit and he just takes it, y’know? This dude has self-esteem issues and that is one of the beautiful things about his character, he grows into someone you can depend on, someone who will step forward for what’s right, risk his life to save another. He begins to see the value in his abilities and it’s an uphill struggle for him.

Louis, one of the kindest people at Ericson, was sent to that school in the first place because he caused the divorce of his parents over music lessons. He was a spoiled rich kid who didn’t get what he wanted, he didn’t want to hear what his father had to say, and he was vindictive. He calls himself that, he calls himself a “vindictive fuckhead” with so much bitterness, so much disgust with himself.

For a YEAR, this little shit used his father’s wealth to make it look like he was having an affair and made sure his mom saw everything. Then when they had a big fight, he played right into it. When the divorce was final, he fucking told them everything! That’s awful! Holy shit!

And so they dropped him off at this school and that was that.

If you stay silent after he finishes the story, he even says he doesn’t know the person he’s talking about, it’s like all they have in common are the same name. He has so much shame welled up inside him for who he was and knowing that he’ll never see his parents again, never get to tell them he’s sorry. It’s so well-executed.

Shocking, too. No one could’ve predicted that would be his backstory based on what we knew of him. Hell, most assumed he came from an unkind family and that’s where his self-esteem issues came from but nope! The opposite, actually! Wealthy family, loving parents, and Louis was a brat.

I love it so much, and to get it after the build up of getting to know him for three episodes just.... to quote myself on one of my previous posts: “He finally puts it all out there and now Clementine knows what kind of person he was before he arrived at the school, what he was capable of before she met him. That wall [between them] is gone.... Louis knows first hand what can happen when feelings go unchecked, when resentment is held onto, when you don’t apologize or try to repair mendable relationships, when you’re vindictive and bitter and take it out on others. He’s been there and now he’s here, and he holds a lot of that with him. You can see he does in the way he talks about himself and struggles with confidence in his abilities.”

and then he plays Don’t Be Afraid afterward, it’s beautiful, it makes me emotional seeing how glossy his eyes are and the way he looks up as to not cry, I can’t-

Another scene that I can’t get enough of is when you appeal to him in ep1 and he stands between Clementine and Marlon, hands up, and tries to talk Marlon down... even after a year, I STILL got chills. Appealing to Louis for help is so beautiful, it’s a beautiful scene of conflict. Louis knowing what the right thing to do is vs his loyalty/fear of Marlon, the way he looks at Clementine vs how he looks at Marlon, the moment where you’re holding your breath because it seems like he isn’t going to help you only for him to slid into frame to shield Clementine. Marlon realizing Louis chose Clementine over him, that the one person he thought he had control over has turned on him and with Louis, everyone else does the right thing and steps forward.

And of course, “Your relationship with Louis has changed.” I CAN’T

Okay, another thing I adore is how much emotional depth Louis has. He can be incredibly funny, and he definitely plays into the persona a lot in ep1. Actually, one of my favorite things about both Louis and Violet are how their personalities subvert how open you’d assume they’d be with Clementine.

Violet is presented as intimidating, closed off, bad with people, so you’d think it’d take a lot to get her to open up to Clementine when that’s not the case. The first time she and Clementine are alone [well, AJ’s there but y’know] she opens up a lot more than you’d expect with little effort on Clementine’s part, something that’s a trend in her route.

But Louis is presented as friendly, talkative, and fun, so you’d think he would be open with Clementine right off the bat... except he’s not. Louis doesn’t tell you anything about his past that actually matters in ep1. He doesn’t tell you about his friendship with Marlon, his relationship with the twins, or anything really significant about him. He says small things like how he hates cantaloupe or used to like baseball. You know he likes music due to his introduction.

In ep1, he doesn’t know Clementine. While he likes her well enough, he doesn’t trust her enough yet and trust isn’t easily won from him when it comes to that stuff. But then you go hunting with him, you choose to deal with the walker with him, and he opens up about his view on survival... then he sends you away because oops, too much sharing, too much chemistry.

That’s the thing, though, you don’t get that one moment unless you choose him. Like... actively choosing him is a big point in his route. I know that seems obvious, but I’m serious. Every time you choose him after the hunting scene, he’s genuinely surprised. Appeal to him? Choose to help him with the piano? Choose to save him? Every time he gives you the sense that he’s like “...but why”

He even questions you about it in the dorms if you saved him during the raid. You can straight up tell him it’s because he’s too important to you and he’s still shocked, then pulls a face like “.........but why”

I don’t want to sound mean about Violet, but choices where you choose her feel different, like she’s not surprised you picked her. Especially after ep1, it’s like it’s a given you picked her. She never questions, she never thanks, it’s just assumed “yeah you picked me, of course you did.” and it’s probably because she voted for you to stay, and that’s very different in Louis’ route.

He rarely offers up anything further until you pursue it. That’s a trend in his route. It makes the moments where he chooses to open up unprompted even more significant, like with the piano scene in ep2 or the reveal of his backstory in ep3, and especially the walk back to Ericson in ep4, THAT scene is so fucking good because it’s him finally fully opening up and letting Clementine in and hhhnnnngggggggg sooo goood~

One last thing I wanna bring up that I love: When Louis screams “FUCK YOU!” at Minerva in ep3.... it’s so fucking good. As I said before, Louis is such a kind hearted person, he never wants to hurt anyone and he beats himself up whenever he gets emotional and lashes out at anyone...... but in the cells, he’s fucking pissed. Like, we don’t even see him that pissed off after Marlon dies, and the closest we see him get that upset again is when AJ shoots Tenn. But even then, he didn’t tell AJ to fuck off, he just said, “what the fuck!?” and that’s very different.

And I don’t blame him for being furious in that moment! He just heard all the shit Lilly said and Minerva just let everything happen. Now Lilly has AJ and they’re screwed. Hell, he might even be missing a pinky finger now! And he just calls Minerva out on her bullshit and tells her to fuck off, and her reaction is just perfect.

Oh and then of course, he shoots Dorian and it’s pretty rad... I mean, he doesn’t think so, he’s super upset about that one, too. But I thought it was great.

As for Louis’ romance route, it’s just *chef kiss* holy shit.

I actually did a T5F on the top 5 reasons I love clouis that is still accurate and covers pretty much everything so I won’t get too crazy.... but lemme gush a little more please?

Their chemistry is fantastic, they bounce off each other so well, they’re not afraid to call each other out on their bullshit, they’re not too proud to apologize and move forward together as better, stronger people. Louis is great with AJ even after what happened to Marlon and that speaks volumes for his character.

Louis never looked to the future until he realized he could have a future with Clementine and AJ and that’s why him asking her what their dream home would look like is so significant and Clementine always promised that she and AJ would have a home and they finally found one with someone who would do anything to protect them, someone willing to forgive, apologize, grow, and be emotionally vulnerable when needed, I just-

She carved a heart around their initials, he named the song he wrote after her.

I cry... I cry so much

another quote from myself on my T5F: “Their chemistry is strong, deep, and romantic, they powered through so much unavoidable bullshit, they worked hard for their relationship, they’re comfortable and not afraid to lean on each other when needed, they get comfort from being together but aren’t afraid to disagree on things because they know those disagreements aren’t stronger than they are. With AJ and everyone else at Ericson, they’re a family now rather that a group of misfit survivors, and they’re working to change things for the better for Ericson. I love everything about them and damn it, they will be happy together every single time I replay TFS because that is what they deserve.”

Now that I’ve ranted about how much I love him, what I’m NOT going to cover is the whole thing with AJ and the vote because I’ve gone on and on about that, so I’ll just say this:

If you’re mad at Louis for his vote, valid.

What’s not valid is trying to convince everyone he is solely responsible for Clementine and AJ getting voted out when he was not the only one who voted. The vote was brought up by Mitch, and it probably wouldn’t have been brought up in the first place if Clementine and AJ weren’t at the funeral. Louis is not responsible for Abel and Lilly showing up, and he’s not responsible for AJ getting shot. He’s not any less of a valid love interest for his vote, his vote makes perfect sense with what he is experiencing the morning after what he witnessed the night before. Stating that any relationship between him and Clementine couldn’t work because he voted against them as if it’s a fact is an ignorant dismissal of his character, his trauma, and his apology to Clementine and AJ, and your agenda is very clear.

The endgame stats being higher for Violet does not mean Louis is a bad love interest, and no, Melissa Hutchinson saying she likes violentine does not mean clouis is invalid. You can tell someone is desperate to have their choice validated when they use a voice actor’s opinion as evidence in their argument to convince others that their choice is the only valid option and everyone else is wrong.

We get it, you don’t like him and that’s fine, you don’t have to, but please don’t act as if people who do like him are in the wrong for doing so, and don’t try to cover it up with a “but I DO like Louis though I swear” because it’s transparent. Trust me, I’ve been there with Violet, I understand why you feel pressured to tack that on at the end of your “Louis is a shithead” post but stop, it doesn’t do what you think it does, I can tell you that from experience.

At least if people were honest, I could go into their posts like, “okay they don’t like Louis so they’re going to be more harsh/critical of him,” but when they say they do like him after not saying a single nice thing, that just tells me you’re lying because you’re afraid of getting attacked. Again, I feel that, I’ve been there with Violet. It’s not fun.

I also feel it’s only fair that I talk about the Louis crowd, too. Like the Violet crowd, they’re obnoxious and hostile toward everyone, their arguments are usually surface level, and they annoy the piss outta me. I don’t have as many bad experiences with them since we like the same character, but that’s where our similarities end.

The argument is usually, “Louis is better because Violet’s such a bitch, she BETRAYED Clementine in the cells, she’s a TRAITOR! She’s using Clementine as a rebound and she doesn’t care about AJ and that’s why she stays on the boat with Minerva.”

So y’know... lame, no nuance, no actual discussion or further explanation, nothing.

Also I feel like the Louis crowd attacks Violet’s appearance a lot which is gross and a sign that their arguments ring so hollow that they can’t think of anything better to prove “MY choice is the correct one” so they resort to things that don’t actually matter and then act like it proves their choice is the right one.

“Violet? You did her route? but I think she looks weird, so you’re stupid.”

Like... how is that anything? What is that accomplishing other than making you look stupid?

But yeah, the Louis crowd hyper-fixate on Violet’s betrayal the same way the Violet crowd hyper-fixate on Louis’ vote. It’s treated as a smoking gun of “this proves that YOU are wrong and why MY choice is the only valid one,” but it’s not, it’s not a smoking gun, you’re just being a dingus.

There is a difference between discussing how the reasons behind those choices made by Louis and Violet are a result of the inner turmoil and pain they’re going through and it causes them to make a mistake that they eventually turn around from and just.... “Louis is a shithead who voted them out and Clementine could never love him after that” and “Violet betrayed Clementine on the boat because she loves Minerva more and Clementine could never forgive her after that.”

Why y’all can’t just chill and agree to disagree, I’ll never know.

ANYWAY... I don’t wanna leave Louis’ section on a sour note so here’s a reminder that he had a pet turtle named Geoff, he lost the 3rd grade spelling bee to the word “recommend,” and he still remembers his grandma’s phone number after all these years.

God, I love him.

Boy am I glad AJ didn’t get cut from this game

AJ’s still one of my favorite characters in this game and I’m glad his relationship with Clementine is at the core of this story.

He’s a fascinating character study and I can’t get behind the complaint that “oh but he isn’t a realistic portrayal of a five-year-old!!” like I’m sorry, do you know what a five-year-old is? They’re dumb and loud and if he was written that way, you’d just complain that he’s annoying like Duck was instead.

Sorry, Duck, love ya but you cannot deny that a majority of players hated Duck for being a hyperactive child. Players would be like, “Gawwwwd when is this kid gonna die?? He’s annoying, I hate him!” when S1 was released.

This is a game about zombies, okay? and if everything were realistic then AJ would’ve died in S2. Use your suspension of disbelief.

I find AJ so interesting because he’s a child who was born into this post-apocalyptic world. He doesn’t know what it was like to live in a world before walkers. He never had a long-lasting, stable home and aside from Clementine, all of his other caretakers either died or gave him up. He’s grown up in a world that is cruel, unforgiving, scary, and where killing is normalized as a means of survival. Whether it’s walkers, animals, or other people, he learns early on that that’s just the way it is now. He knows how to shoot a gun and god, what a fucking thing to have to teach a child.

Really think about the lessons Clementine teaches him, too. Some aren’t alarming, like checking for windows or always knowing where an exit is. But then you get into “Always aim for the head,” or “Don’t hesitate,” or the big yikes of, “Save a bullet for yourself.”

I stand by the fact that AJ was in the wrong for shooting Marlon after his surrender, but c’mon, what did you really think he was gonna do the moment he got his hands back on the gun and saw the opportunity to “stop the monster” to protect Clementine and the others?

Clementine isn’t perfect and she isn’t always right, but she’s doing her best to teach AJ how to survive the way Lee and many others taught her... but she’s forgetting that AJ is so young and he doesn’t have a fully developed concept of the world before. She also misses crucial point that Lee made with her when teaching her to shoot, like how if it’s a walker, then aim for the head. But if it’s a person, that’s different. Walkers are always the same, they always have the same goal... people aren’t that easy.

Remember the fight between Javi and David in ANF? Clementine will either point a gun at David to stop the fight, or she’ll shoot him. She doesn’t aim to kill him, she doesn’t want to kill him. She’s aiming to break up the fight, that is a moment where killing isn’t necessary and would only cause more problems with those around her. Gabe would be distraught, Javi would react depending on how you play him, and Kate would freak out, too.

If you choose to shoot Kenny to save Jane in S2, same thing. She shoots him to break up the fight, but the shot happens to kill him after you share some final words.

Hell, the one time she does shoot someone in the head during a fight in ANF, it’s an accident [even though she knows better that to point a gun at anyone without the intention of shooting] and is treated as the wrong thing to do and you can either cover up her mistake or you can make her confront it by telling the truth.

But then you have AJ who doesn’t have the context, that experience. He’s taught to aim for the head, so he does, and it’s a mistake.

AJ shooting Marlon is complicated. He doesn’t realize he did something bad until everyone reacts and then he’s like, “....but I aimed for the head? Marlon was a monster? He was dangerous? Clem?” and you can either reaffirm that he’s justified, or you can teach him why he was wrong and about atonement.

AJ doesn’t want people to hate him, he doesn’t want to hurt them or make them sad. He wants to make friends and have a home. He wants to protect Clementine the way she’s protected him. He has doubts, he doesn’t always know the proper words to explain how he feels, and he gets frustrated which causes him to act out. He wants to play games, and learn, and make connections with people. But, I can see why he would be scary, too. Especially with the way he talks sometimes.

When he calls dibs on Abel, you can express how you don’t like the way he’s talking and tell him it’s not a game, and honestly I don’t think it’s a game to him. He’s had nightmares about Abel, he’s scared of Abel, he’s is a monster and AJ believes that if he can kill the monster, he’ll be gone and everyone will be safer. He’s expressing that in a worrisome way, though.

Or the one some like to point at when arguing that he’s a bad character: when he says he liked killing Lilly. Yeah, not great, and it only manages to set James off more during that whole fight. But AJ explains himself that killing Lilly made him feel powerful [not a great sign] and it made them safe and that feels good.

Plus, YOU told him to do it... I know y’all don’t like taking accountability for your choices when they backfire, I feel that, but he looked to you for what to do in that moment and you said to shoot, so he did and it set him off. Half a clip right into Lilly, whoops, betcha she didn’t see that coming.

There is a discussion to be had about that choice despite it not having a right answer, but I don’t have time to go in depth so just know that I can see both sides.

But both Marlon and Lilly’s deaths are pointed at as a “See?? AJ’s a bad character!” by the anti-AJ crowd.

Yeah funny enough there is a crowd for AJ but this one happens to be viciously hostile against him to where they go out of their way to argue with everyone that he’s “a bratty, stupid, annoying psychopath who loves murder and is badly written and that’s not even how five-year-olds act lmao you’re stupid” and just like the other crowds, they’re desperate for validation and it’s hard to watch as they make asses of themselves.

Again, you don’t have to like AJ and you can be critical of his development and choices, but maybe harassment under the guise of “well it’s just my opinion” isn’t the best outlet for your frustrations. Just sayin.’

So much about AJ gets lost on those people, usually on purpose because god forbid we don’t always deal in absolutes, and it’s a shame to see a character that the writers put so much time and effort into be so underappreciated.

Oh and on the opposite side of things, I do want to point out that flipping it so that AJ’s just a widdle uwu baby who should never held accountable because he baby and everyone else is wrong to dare be mean to him or Clementine.... is also not great. It lacks understanding and depth of the character or the characters around him.

To end on a happier note, another thing I love about AJ is how funny he can be. I mean, his apology to Ruby when you tell him to lay it on thick? When he excitedly informs Aasim that he likes fish? The fact that he interrupts your date to throw a gross ball at your head like “look what I found!!” The way he laughs at the Beat Nick joke but doesn’t understand it? When he catches you smooching Louis/Violet and is just like “what’cha doin’ over there??”

He can be so damn funny. We tend to focus on the more serious side of his character but c’mon, look at his funny little dance during the party. It’s cute as hell!

There’s so much I didn’t cover about AJ but like with the others, I don’t have the time to give you a huge analysis, I can only give you the things that crossed my mind as I was playing... which was also too much to fit in here but still.

AJ’s great, I adore that kid, so glad he wasn’t booted from the story, thanks Telltale.

God what’s there to say about Clementine? She’s complex, flawed, well-written and I adore her

Alright, last character..... but seriously, what can I possibly say that I haven’t said before?

I’ve written a lot of posts about Clementine, like this one about why I have her leave Lee in S1 and how that ripple affects her choices in TFS, or how I feel like putting Clementine up on this pedestal where she can do no wrong and saying players SHOULD agree with everything she wants [namely in ANF] is a disservice to the growth and nuance of her character, gone on and on about why I think Louis is the best option for her as a love interest and how that plays into her development, why her relationship with AJ is so important, why the damn Clementine in the comic doesn’t hold up-

BY THE WAY.... tangent, but I actually feel second-hand embarrassment for the Clementine comic which is a feeling I do not appreciate.

TFS Clementine and Comic Clementine are not the same character. I’ve experienced more depth sitting in the kiddy pool I bought my dog to play in during the summer than I experienced with the comic. My salt levels still haven’t gone down after writing that review... Amos deserved better, good god...

The comic rings hollow because it lacks everything that makes Clementine compelling in the games. You can tell it was written by someone who has only played through the games once or twice instead of a writer who worked on the games and understands the character.

But forget the comic. It’s not canon anyway and if skybound tries to tell me otherwise, I will politely tell them I’ve agreed to disagree. And that they can go suck an egg. Politely.

Back to the one that’s actually good, I believe Clementine is one of the best characters Telltale ever gave us. She’s set a high standard for me when I go into other games. We’re lucky to have four games with her, and while I can’t say I absolutely love all four Clementine’s [I still have a lot of conflicted feelings about ANF Clementine] that’s totally fine because overall? She’s had a helluva bumpy journey and it brings me a lot of joy knowing she’s finally found a home and a family to care for her it.

I feel a connection to Clementine’s personality this season. She’s come a long way from ANF [thankfully] and I love seeing her more balanced out as a hardened survivor who can be a goof sometimes. Having AJ back in her life brings out a softer Clementine that I missed.

She cares so much, y’all. Clementine cares so, so much about AJ and everyone at Ericson that she’s willing to put herself in grave danger to protect and save them. She’s fought for so long, had her heart broken over and over again, has faced death every damn day, and now she finally has a home.

And it’s not even a question. Once her friends are taken by the raiders, she doesn’t even hesitate in telling everyone that they’re going after them, that they’re going to end this.

Then after everything, she gets bit.

Oooohhhh the emotions I feel thinking about the barn scene with Clementine dying and AJ begging her to get up. But she knows, and even worse she knows that AJ now has to deal with her, either by leaving her to turn or by killing her with an axe and just

“I need you.” I CRY

Her bond with AJ is so good, her chemistry with Louis is so good, her determination to fight, her sense of humor, her moments of vulnerability... it’s all so goddamn good.

Also, the Lee flashback with little Clementine. Look, after already being emotional during Louis’ song, only for it to cut to the train and hearing Lee’s voice again... damn it, they knew what they were doing and I’m so damn easy, it made tear up, okay? I admit it!

I honestly don’t have that much else to say? This post is long enough as is so perhaps that’s a good thing. She’s amazing, a beautifully written character that I hold a lot of praise for.

Lemme quote myself once again, this time from my review of the comic because this still sums up how I feel:

“This isn’t like Clementine in TFS where you do feel she’s mature. She has to be, she has a child she’s raising and protecting. She has to be strong and smart for him. She has to be the adult in their relationship… but she has those moments of vulnerability to remind you that she’s not an adult, she’s a teenager who was forced to grow up too fast and it hurts.

In ep4 of TFS, when they’re in the caves after getting separated from the group, she and AJ get into an argument. She tells him that he’s just a child, and he throws it right back at her- “So are you.” and you can see it on her face… y’know?

You want her to be happy, you want to give back the childhood that was taken from her at the start of the apocalypse, you want her to overcome every obstacle thrown her way. You understand her feelings about Lee, why he meant so much to her and why she struggled to let him go even after accepting that he was dead.

You remember that she is a teenager who makes mistakes, she doesn’t know everything, she fucks up. She’s doing everything she can to protect those she loves. You feel that she wouldn’t hesitate to give her life for the little boy she raised. She still has a lot of growing to do but you don’t doubt that she’s gonna do it..... TFS Clementine, amputation or not, she would’ve charged that damn boat herself if it meant saving those she loved.”

In conclusion: I still love TFS, even if things have changed for me

Before I wrap this up, I do hope that everyone understands that my criticisms of characters, story elements, or of the crowds aren’t meant to be a criticism of individuals who may disagree with me. I'm not criticizing people for liking Violet or people who dislike Louis, or even people who view Minerva through an uwu-lense. I'm criticizing the terrible behavior from those crowds that make everyone uncomfortable and accomplish nothing.

Being critical of a character, plot, or of the fandom is fine. If a post is critical or even harsh toward a character, I may not agree and would argue with the points, but that's fine. I’m sure plenty of you will take issue with my points for characters like Violet or Minerva. We all have different interpretations and one of the fun things about fandom is getting to express that, to have discussion and debates, but it’s all in good fun. The point is never to intentionally make someone feel bad or to fight.

It's when people get into guilt tripping, lying, gaslighting, name calling, using accusations of homophobia/racism against people not because they’re displaying those awful behaviors but only because they do/don’t like a character, sending hostile messages to people, or trying to convince everyone that their thing is the correct thing and the other thing is bad therefore they should feel bad, that's what I'm trying to criticize here when I bring up crowds.

They’re an unfortunate part of the whole thing, every fandom has ‘em. What's sad is that crowds who would need to read what I’m saying in this section aren't going to. They're gonna scroll to the parts they know will make them mad and then leave. Oh well.

I want to say that if you made it this far into an incredibly long post, thank you. If I had another gold star I’d put it right on your forehead and then give you a cookie, but I already used my gold star in a comment toward the Violet crowd and then Tim ate all the cookies, so.... sorry about that.

The Final Season is excellent and I had a lot of fun even if I was conflicted with a lot of my previous opinions and work. I know I’ve somewhat moved on from TWDG and Telltale games, but hell, I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere for a while... after all, who else is gonna read the next two Clementine comics 9 times each to write in-depth reviews so you don’t have to read them yourself, hmm? No one, because they’re not ridiculous!

But as far as consistent posting, writing fics, and doing themed nights, I have moved on from that. Not to say that I won’t ever pop in, y’all are always welcome to send in asks but y’know. I spent a long time working on this despite it being nanowrimo and I should be working on my project, but I still have some passion for this series that I wanted to share.

It’s bittersweet, really. While I’m glad my ninja fam held up beautifully, I’m still bummed about the rest of the Ericson crew. Especially Mitch, god he was one of my favorite characters and now I barely feel anything for him, it’s sad.

I will be home all weekend, supposedly working on nanowrimo, but if this post sparked something then feel free to shoot me an ask. I’ll answer a few if any come in, and we’ll see where it goes.

If you want to follow me elsewhere, as I mentioned before I do have a dragon age side blog: @stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage, and then my main blog is @cj-writes-stuff.

Thanks y’all 💚

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literary-illuminati · 1 year

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Book Review 12 - Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Vol. 1 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

So, like everyone on tumblr, I was at least peripherally aware of The Untamed, if only as ‘the C-drama with the impossibly pretty men everyone loves shipping about necromancy or something.’ (Also the one crossover porn fanfic with so many tags that it broke AO3.) So I wasn’t quite coming into this blind, but I think I came pretty close. It sure as hell wasn’t anywhere close to my vague expectations.

Anyway, this was fun! Also absolutely let me cross off reading something from an entirely unfamiliar literary subculture off my metaphorical bingo card for the year. Just reams of assumed context I absolutely did not possess. Kind of loved it (but the occasional clarifying footnotes were very much necessary and appreciated.)

Which is to say – there was so much more slapstick and physical comedy than I expected from the vague intimations of feudal politics and magical warfare I got? Not usually my sort of humour but it got a laugh out of me once or twice. My favourite character is Wei Wuxian’s donkey.

The conceit of the first story – reviled and abused failson destroys his own soul and offers up his body as a host to the spirit of a legendary evil wizard to wreak bloody vengeance for him, but fucks up the bit of the ritual that tells the spirit who to take revenge on. Also the whole ‘legendary evil wizard’ reputation was at least partially and vaguely due to a propaganda campaign by his enemies and he’s not particular enthusiastic about the ‘murder a whole family’ thing – is also just incredible. I kind of wish it had been more drawn out, before the whole ‘gotta collect them [chunks of a specific super cursed corpse] all!’ plot became the main justifying connective tissue.

Not that the overarching plot is really the story’s strong point – it’s basically just the excuse to keep Wei Wuxian and Wang Lanji together and having adventures. The actual selling points are the backstories and character interactions and to a lesser extent the monster of the week stuff. All of which are pretty well done!

Though as far as monster of the week stuff goes – I’m vaguely aware that cultivation fantasy is a whole, like, genre, with about as many weirdly specific shared assumptions as ‘generic’ western fantasy written by people swimming in a sea of Tolkien/Conan-as-interpreted-by-Warcraft-and-D&D, but I’ve really got zero clue whatsoever to what degree the worldbuilding of this is typical of the genre? Not that it particularly matters, beyond some of the reveals making much more sense if they’re building off an assumed awareness of how the world’s expected to work, all more or less new (though more or less intuitive) to me either way. Fun to see so much magic based around music.

Anyways – obviously I’m going in with a biased perspective but my god can you see how this ended up with a massive shipping fandom. The entire story is nothing but impossibly beautiful men flirting/pranking/sexually harassing each other while being utterly and entirely capable to even understand let along communicate their feelings. The two lead’s entire relationship in this volume is like a dated mid-2000s comedy sketch about two ostensibly straight guys playing gay chicken and both being so competitive that they just end up fucking. Author really knew what they were doing with the fanfic bait.

(Though honestly I’m legitimately unsure if it’s just a matter of narrative choice to not dwell on motivations or Wei Wuxian really is the single most unselfaware asshole in the entire universe. He legitimately seems incapable of understanding his own motivations most of the time.)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the art, which really is very lovely. Though I will be entirely honest that there’s only so many handsome black-haired men in flowing robes I can keep apart in my head.

But yeah, fun read overall. Don’t exactly feel compelled to go seek out the next volume, but don’t regret having read this one, damn sight better than some other things I’ve read this year.

#book review #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mo xiang tong xiu

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slooshee · 7 months

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I WATCHED THE FNAF MOVIE!!! SPOILERS AHEAD!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Alright time for my honest thoughts on the fnaf movie? Honestly..? I enjoyed it, I think some of the problems I have with a lot of newer fnaf games/media shine through but overall I think it was a solid movie. There’s some things I would’ve done differently personally but it wasn’t bad. I’m okay with it being our fnaf movie. I have a few things as a diehard fnaf fan since the first game that I am a little salty or upset about, but it’s not really the movie’s fault. It’s kinda just how fnaf is nowadays. Some for the better, some for the worst. So some pros (in my opinion. Keep that in mind and if you did really enjoy it that’s great! Like I said it’s a pretty solid movie I just have a frustrations with it or questions about it).

Pros!

I really liked all the characters I think the writing was pretty strong for the most part! A few parts were a little shaky but for the most part I really liked all the characters we got. I liked the characterization of the animatronics especially. I know a lot of people are complaining about “the pillow fort scene” but I actually liked how they did that. I can understand where are coming from with that (i could admittedly see how for some people it takes away from the horror aspect for later scenes) but I like that they gave the animatronics childlike behavior and made them a little sympathetic. I thought it was really cute. I get where people are coming from with that but tbh I think fnaf fans villainize the dead kids WAY too much. So it was nice to have them acknowledge them being kids and acting like that.

The visuals and set were GORGEOUS!!! This cinematically had some really strong scenes and I could gush about the practical effects for hours. The animatronics looked beautiful and I have almost no complaints visually about it. I also liked some of the YouTube cameos and how they weren’t too in your face. The only one I found kind of immersion breaking was matpat’s to be honest. Just cause his line felt kind of forced but it was a quick cameo so I can forgive that. Truthfully I didn’t even realize it was him till he said that so.

William fucking Afton bro.. Oh my god when I tell you Matthew Lillard absolutely ate this role up.. like my god. I knew he was gonna be good but he was absolutely iconic. He’s probably one of my favorite depictions of William Afton to date. His delivery, his mannerisms. It was (chef’s kiss). The springlock suit (WHICH ILL BE SO FR I DID NOT THINK THEY WERE GOING TO PUT THE SPRINGLOCK SUIT IN THE MOVIE MY JAW DROPPED WHEN THAT HAPPENED) scene is probably one of my favorites in the movie. When Cassidy(?) watches him just like dying and closes the door on him. Chills. I though that whole part was really well done. I wish the springlock sounds were a little louder but regardless I think they found a way to capture the horror of the springlocks while not making it too intense. Some people will find that as a con but I personally think it’s a pro because I would say this movie is a general audience film. There’s some very disturbing or unsettling parts but I think this is actually somewhat of a good gateway to horror film for younger audiences.

As goofy and kinda dumb as the cupcake looked at times I honestly love that he got so much screen time. I love that guy. Cupcake is underrated even if a bit silly.

I lost my shit when the FNAF 1 song played at the credits. I was SO excited. I’m really happy for TLT that his music got up on the big screen too. I cant imagine how cool that is.

Now for in my opinion what the cons are:

My biggest issue with this movie is the plot. And I know a lot of people are going to say “it’s a different timeline!” Or “it’s based on the books”. I would have no problem with that except for the fact that we still know nothing about the Afton family after all these years. I was really hoping (although I was aware it was going to be a different storyline) they would’ve kept Abby, Michael, and Garett Aftons. Because even if I just isolate the movie itself from the games, it just makes more sense. The way William acts when he first reads Mike’s name, The fact William would’ve had to gone out of his way to go to Nebraska and specifically target Garett. The film takes place in Minnesota, the pizzeria is there. Why is William Afton in Nebraska? It doesn’t make sense. Now, the only OTHER explanation I can think of for this is that Michael, Abby, and Garret are Emilys or the movie’s Emily equivalents. Even though I have some problems with this I will say I don’t entirely hate Vanessa being an Afton in this. It’s an interesting idea and the dynamic is alright. Truthfully I wouldn’t have a problem with any of this but this is a problem that I keep having with FNAF as a whole. FNAF keeps actively refusing to acknowledge any Afton that isn’t William (and sometimes Elizabeth in the books). And I don’t understand why? I don’t understand the aversion especially considering Michael was the protagonist for so many of the games. He is SUCH an interesting and important character and I was so deeply disappointed to find out he wasn’t an Afton in this universe because we finally had some kind of characterization of him (that I really loved tbh). I think it’s just frustrating as a longtime fan there are so many questions that go completely unanswered for no reason. Knowing things like the crying child’s name is something that has no real relevance on the plot and yet we still are refused a direct answer. I don’t mind a bit of mystery but when it’s been almost a decade and we still know nothing about half the games’ main protagonist. I have a little bit of an issue with this tbh. I wasn’t actually expecting this movie to have Mike and Abby be Aftons actually, but the way WATCHING the movie led me to start to believe that got me excited. Maybe that’s just a me problem.. Then the reveal happened and I was left kind of scratching my head. I think FNAF does that a lot, to me at least.

I also think having Vanessa be an Afton, although interesting is kind of a disservice to her character. Vanessa is a character I have found really interesting since she was first announced. I don’t have an issue with her being in this movie at all. In fact I really liked her in this movie. If you’re gonna do a different timeline thing then that’s fine. But I think it’s kind of a disservice to her to make her an Afton, I like the idea of there being another fnaf character who stands on her own. I wish in security breach they kept alot of the FNAF:AR stuff cannon that was established. I feel like they did nothing with her character in Security Breach which SUCKED because I think her whole character is so interesting and I would’ve loved to have seen more of a characterization of her in this movie. I hate this idea of making everyone related to Afton it feels lazy. The theories with Vanessa and Gregory being Aftons I really don’t like. They’re fine characters on their own, if you want to focus on Aftons then just focus on the Aftons! There’s so many questions unanswered about them that you easily could still do something with them. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again I have no problem with Security Breach existing EXCEPT that it should be it’s own story with no relation to the old storyline. It could’ve been a really solid Sci-Fi type game especially with the DLC that came out. Afton shouldn’t be there.

I keep talking about this problem with ‘modern day fnaf’ so what is it? What is the problem that affects even this movie? Well I’ll tell you, FNAF constantly changes. Things are things added to the lore making it more confusing and convoluted (which to be fair has been a problem wayyy before SB even with some of my favorite titles in the series), and imo it makes it almost impossible for new fans to join. As an older fan who is fairly active indulging in FNAF I can barely can keep up. I know a lot of people like the convoluted and insane lore and to some extent so do I. But it’s gotten to the point where I feel a little bit of disappointment after each game and a little after the movie. I’m okay with mystery and theorizing, in fact it’s one of my favorite parts about FNAF! But having been here for so long and I still feel like we never get any answers or we’re ALWAYS left with more answers. It gets frustrating. I don’t want everything to be answered but lately every FNAF game and piece of media has left me with more questions than answers. To the point I think it affects the main plot. I also want to say it’s very hard to keep up with everything. I don’t have the money for the books or the time to read all the books and I don’t understand the whole “it’s not canon to the game lore but we’re gonna put it in there anyways!”. I don’t know. To be honest I wouldn’t have AS much as a problem with it if it was actually separate, but even though it’s stated to be it keeps seeping into the game storyline. I don’t necessarily think it’s bad to bring something like the mimic in, but it’s kind of upsetting when I watched the movie and felt there were more references to the books than the games. I was disappointed there was no ‘hello? Hello?’ Or freddy nose honk, or just a few things that are really iconic to the game. I thought the sparky being canon thing was awesome though! That was a real treat. But I do think the silver eyes was a good idea to take inspiration from. But again I also don’t understand why they wouldn’t just make a silver eyes movie? Idk I guess it’s just frustrating having been here so long and if someone asked me to explain FNAF there’s really no way of giving a set summary. Hell, even most of the “lore” explanation videos half of it isn’t even canon or confirmed. It’s just speculation or ‘a theory’. I love this franchise a lot and I guess it’s just kind of upsetting for it to be a struggle now to understand and keep up with everything. Especially when I used to find it really fun to try and do so, and now I just feel like there’s no payoff to it. And that it’s just way too confusing and overwhelming. Maybe there never really was a payoff? Or maybe it always an issue? I mean FNAF has had like 4 different ‘endings’ and then kept going. Idk I think just.. having been waiting for this movie for 8 years and it leaving me with a somewhat similar feeling after I finished security breach, I’m a little disappointed. That being said…

I will say, overall the movie itself was a little better than i expected to be honest. Which I’m very happy about My expectations for this movie were to have a good time and have a fun campy horror flick. I pleasantly surprised in a lot of areas and most of my gripes with it are kind of just my gripes with how fnaf has been as a franchise. All my criticisms of this movie and franchise are out of love and wanting the best for this series. Seriously, this series means the world to me. Most of my really close and best friends I met through FNAF, and some of my fondest memories are FNAF related. Even if the movie and franchise aren’t perfect and I have a lot of frustrations with it, I’m glad after 8 years of hearing about this movie I finally got to see it. Kid me would be absolutely over the moon right now. A part of me is. Despite its flaws I’m really proud to see how much this franchise has grown. FNAF you’re not perfect, not even close, but you mean a lot to me. Im glad you made it to the big screen after all this time :>

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #fnaf movie review #fnaf fandom #fnaf theories #fnaf movie spoilers #i love this series but what is happening ever #my thoughts #my opinion #slooshwrites #slooshspeculating #slight rant #jfc sorry didn’t mean for this to be so long

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why-the-heck-not · 9 months

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1, 2, 37, and a question you wish someone asked

Thank youu for asking !!

1: Age

2: Sexuality

37: Do you regret quitting any hobbies?

yeees big time. I used to do ballet for like 13 years but quit bc had to change to a different city bc they didn’t have advanced things where I used to go and all my friends quit somewhere at that point, so the last couple years I didn’t rly have friends there. Also I wasn’t like trying to go pro or anything and sort of that was as far I could go with it if I wasn’t rly going to be serious abt it. I think I also got too anxious and self-aware at that point (damn u 16-year-old-me)

96: What's the worst book you've ever read?

Picked this bc I’ve been wanting to rant about Normal People by Sally Rooney for a bit. Maybe it’s not The Worst book I’ve ever read, but it wasn’t good and for the amount of hype it has, it sucked.

My ”review” (if u can call it that) below SPOILERS FOR ”NORMAL PEOPLE” BY SALLY ROONEY

I feel like there was potential there but in the end it just kept repeating the same cycle of them being together and then getting separated. Like it just kept going???? It got old after like 2-3 times.

And there really wasn’t even an attempt made for character building. It was all very surface level and it felt like neither of them actually grew up during the years and got stuck with that high-school level of communication when they in fact were grown ass adults like?? Act like it!!!! What the fuck was the problem there like ,,?? If u want to be together, you can be together; you’re no longer in high-school and ”having to take care of ur social status” (which also is one tired old trope). Literally give us one (1) reason why tf it’s so hard to commit to eachother when u clearly can commit to other ppl?? If the intention was to make the reader frustrated with them, I’d be okay with it if the book gave actual reasons for that. But it didn’t bc it’s all so goddamn one dimensional. The ”they can’t be together bc they’re wired wrong and traumatized and mentally ill” just doesn’t work when you don’t dwell deeper into the underlaying issues. It especially felt like the author just gave up on Marianne’s character at the end and went with the ”oh she was traumatized? That means she has some kinks and that is now her entire personality”.

Also the ending just felt so rushed and I hated it. Nothing got resolved in a real way. The redemption arc? He got to succeed and had some opportunities etc., and she just got the guy and that’s about it. Yes, you could read it like in the beginning he had a loving family but no money, where as in she had money but not the loving family, so in the end they got what they wanted as a kid. But that’s so blah. There was nothing suprising about it. It felt like they both gave up and settled for whoever was left and it wasn’t out of actual love; just the residual feelings from pining after eachother for a million years.

Overall, it just felt pretentious and it didn’t have enough dimension to actually create believable mentally unwell characters. It barely had a plot. I get it from the marketing point of view bc an easy read that has some edgy topics sprinkled with fanfiction tropes, but it just wasn’t good.

(This is just my opinion, don’t let me deter you if I just bashed ur comfort book; you like it and that’s all that matters. Mine is A Little Life, so I’m in no position to judge lmao)

#idk that normal people opinion might be a very unpopular one #but i’m standing by it #sorry i turned an ask into a long rant-ish book review #i’ve just been meaning to write abt this since I read it like a month ago #august 2023 #2023 #asks

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mejomonster · 2 years

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so more on The Dark Forest (Three Body Problem sequel): the author continues to be someone who clearly has thought about a great deal of topics I’ve thought about, which i appreciate deeply because the stuff I wonder about gets delved into and thought through and played out in story form. I imagine this means either a great many people are contemplating this stuff (yay) and/or this author happens to therefore be in the pool. The author is also fascinating in that... I can tell in some areas they seem to ‘get’ some particular stuff I think about the world (and writing specifically) but also have a Slightly Different but important difference in viewpoint.

In their postscript for book 1 they mention a goal of focusing on actual science rather than “modern problems through the lens of sci fi.” That would mean he’d rather focus his writing on “what does meeting extraterrestials ACTUALLY mean for our world” rather than “the Metaphor of civilizations clashing represents X already happening on Earth.” Whereas for me, I see history as a reflection of the possible present and future, and present problems a reflection of our future ones, and therefore I think a great deal of Good Sci Fi SHOULD touch on modern issues through scientific-future discussion, because what’s relevant in some imagined future is relevant Now. However, while the author says he focuses on the science, he mentioned his own history and lived life have influenced the writing - so despite not focusing on modern issues, he is aware they’ve seeped into his writing (particularly the Cultural Revolution, the past and present situations of human suffering and nature destruction, and the power struggles of humanity between countries and within countries). So his writing DOES actually reflect modern issues, recent historical issues and distant historical issues (as at least in my opinion a sci fi focused on future and alien civilizations must recognize the patterns of past civilizations on earth to draw some thoughts). Also as the science he plays with in the plot is very Close To Modern current science, much like the show Person of Interest was scientifically so close to real technology one could imagine it actually happening now in the present, these books address scientific topics that ARE relevant right now. That are present topics in society. So like... while his goals are looking to the potential future, the reality of his writing (which he’s aware of) is that it does deeply resonate with real modern issues even though that wasn’t ultimately the goal.

Also, he mentions in the book 1 postscript that he focuses on nature and science more as the ‘characters’ then the actual characters, focusing more on the characters “humanity” and “trisolarans” and “nature” than on the individually named characters Ye Wenjie, Shi Qiang, Wang Miao, etc. So as a writer you would expect then that this author focuses on actions-driven-plot rather than character arc driven plots. And yet he writes in a character-pov style for most sections (and some very creative povs for other sections), and does write characters who to me feel they very much are going through thought-out arcs (so he doesn’t write poor characters as a result of the large-scale-world-driven plot). Which, of course he writes good characters, I can only read stuff that does (since it’s my biggest factor when enjoying or not enjoying a story lol). So while he doesn’t seem to prioritize what I do when telling a story (I prioritize character arcs first), the end result of his writing still includes well done characters overall in my opinion.

Then book 2 is... fascinating on the topic of characters. There is a section in The Dark Forest where character Luo Ji describes being told to write a novel, and make a character and imagine their life as if they were a person. This process should sound familiar, if you’ve ever acted you might have heard of one method where you imagine as much backstory “life/self” for a character as possible because everything that makes them up informs how and why they do what they do in the script, even though the script will not cover or ever address a huge portion of that “life.” Similarly, this applies to a story. One can imagine that even though we only see a character “Kent” once he shows up at the UN to escort someone, an author still may have an idea of who Kent was as a child, what he liked, his favorite color, why he chose that career and if he failed at others first, what he liked and hated and why, what kind of upbringing he had, if he ever loved anyone, his views on politics and the people he works with, how he ended up in this job and what he wants to do later and Why. Basically, as many details about this “Kent’s” life as possible, even though he’s only JUST shown up in the actual writing as a UN escort and may not be in the novel for it’s entire duration. Well, The Dark Forest’s author has Luo Ji go through this process as a writer. And it’s absolutely fascinating to read for me. It makes me wonder if this is the author’s opinion of making characters and stories, or if it’s just one he’s heard of. It makes me wonder if the author’s process is like Luo Ji’s, or if Luo Ji’s (as a character and therefore biased pov) is a bit unique TO this character, itself a detail made catered to who Luo Ji is and the kind of person he’d be, the KIND of person who’d become invested in this process and do it to the point of imagining himself living with his created character in a fantasy. This whole section was so fascinating to read because to a degree its a process gone through with acting, and with some writers, and its VERY character focused. Its about characters as unique people with rich full lives, and your writing follows their personalities and choices and goals and sees where it ends up - your characters drive your plot, rather than your plot forcing your characters to do X action simply to serve Y happening. If the author DOES in fact do this approach, it makes sense why his novels are appealing to me so much - its character driven writing, my preferred story type (I can’t tolerate writing with inconsistent characterization and character arcs, I absolutely loathe the kind of writing that will make characters inconsistent for no character-driven reason just to make the plot happen as desired, think really shitty written particular Marvel movies). Cixin Liu, if he writes like this process he describes in Luo Ji’s pov, of course would resonate with me. Because it would mean he’s thought through his characters, seen them play on the world-universe stage in this intense universe changing situation, and followed where that plot led. I do think, to a degree, this must be how he writes. (Not to Luo Ji’s level of deluding himself into a fantasy, but the fleshing characters out as their own people with their own pasts and drives and perspectives interacting in an event that’s started the story plot). I think such a writing style would explain why Cixin Liu has a cast of characters in the intro, a cast he bounces between biased perspective’s of, and I also think he’s treating at a level the Earth, Humans, Bugs, Protons, Trisolarans, the Universe, individual Countries, Civilizations as a whole, all as characters too. And approaching them similarly. I think that helps make his biased pov moments from the Ant’s perspective, the whole Trisolaran Planet’s perspective, feel so intimate and well constructed (as if there is an entire past that’s been thought out, an entire web of why the ‘character’ is how it is in that moment written). While he says he doesn’t drive a plot by focusing on character arcs, solid characterization is absolutely a foundation of his writing style. I’m very curious how closely his own thoughts on writing track to Luo Ji’s girlfriend’s descriptions, Luo Ji’s descriptions, and how much he reframed them in a pov more fitting of these characters. I also appreciate that, while to a degree the scenes MUST be mouthpiece’s to explain certain scientific priniciples, ideas, and political discussions, he also frames these topics by what character would say what and THINK what. The characters do not all agree with the author certainly, and the character’s perspectives on these ideas are always framed from within ‘what would this character’s whole existence have shaped them into thinking in this moment.’ A good example of this is Wu Yue and Zhang Beihai. They are both in the navy as leaders, both get recruited to the space force, and their character’s histories have completely shaped how they feel and act and respond and develop because of it. They are both such similar characters in terms of ‘current jobs’ and if an author never thought beyond the scope of the plot they’d be quite interchangeable, but because of each character’s unique lives they could never do what the other does. Luo Ji is of course another example of a character who’s irreplaceable, so unique he’s going to be the most curious Wallfacer in the plot. Ye Wenjie due to her specific life, her family, her views on the world and the universe, was the only person who could have played her role in the plot. Summary: I really like how Cixin Liu writes characters, I can feel the care.

And then finally, a smaller thing to comment on. I love (so far) how realistic his plot has been on the level of actual human behavior. And alien behavior in a way where I can believe they have some stuff in common with us in development to civilization, and yet have some un-human qualities we would never have. The 100 is a show that gets some mixed opinions, but one thing I think it made some sense on (sci fi wise) was the idea the arc came from multiple country’s space stations, was not planned as a survival plan but a reaction when earth suddenly nuked, and involved one station getting blown out of the sky. The way it wasn’t a peaceful perfect plan. The way it was messy and drawn by country lines and suspicion and desperation. Some later plot points in The 100 would similarly do a decent job of showing a few different groups in the post nuclear Earth, and the more (in my opinion) realistic take that humans wouldn’t easily transition to a unified single front of one big cooperative group. Even in the disaster scenario, humans would stuggle to prioritize the entirety over their closer-group, and to prioritize cooperation over fighting when things got desperate. While certainly humans CAN cooperate on a grand scale (to a degree), our covid pandemic has proved the world certainly does NOT work like a disaster movie - all the countries of the world do NOT unite and quickly work to help the world, even within countries the society doesn’t unite fully to improve the situation (even if we can sometimes get a majority too, some will be actively fighting any actions to improve things). Three Body Problem, and now The Dark Forest, reflect the reality i’ve seen. ETO fights against humanity’s very survival, because even when its all of humanity facing life or extinction, there WILL be some people who pick to push for extinction and refuse to cooperate. In The Dark Forest, the countries can’t smoothly plan to send people into space to escape, because there’s the reality that developed countries might prioritize their own people over developing countries, that rich will prioritize themselves over the others, that educated people will prioritize themselves over the ‘unskilled’ majority. Humanity, knowing some people would be treated awful and left to die, would not agree to cooperate with letting tons of us die without a fight. So of course any plan to go into space to flee wouldn’t go smoothly (and it makes sense why in The 100 it was people on space stations by Chance that survived, not by any smart prior plan). The plan to make a unified space force also fails... individual countries have somewhat their own internal plans, the UN has the most unified plan (which world powers are cooperating within), and again this is much more realistic of how this sort of situation would ACTUALLY go down in the world if it had to. So many disaster movies and books assume humanity will magically unite and stop its internal wars and tolerate so many being sacrificed and mistreated by the powerful if there was a huge disaster. But covid showed that wasn’t true. And this book The Dark Forest is aware enough of the reality of civilization, that it doesn’t make the unrealistic mistake of many distaster stories. I think this makes the book much more realistic, its suggestions for addressing disaster more doable (if such a thing were to happen), and more directly applicable to drawing conclusions and commentary on the current reality of the world. Which, while the author said wasn’t a focus, is certainly possible with his books (because of this realistic handling of civilization) and I think an excellent trait in a sci fi story. To me, the past history and future contemplations of what it might be are all lenses through which we can interpret our present and near future, and contemplate what it might take to go down a different path.

I’m really loving Cixin Liu’s writing basically ToT

Also! I do think, while I probably write wayyyy worse and not nearly as crisp and well structured, Cixin Liu does write in a few ways like me. Which I’m sure is partly why I’m so quickly reading through and loving so much. Aside from the character approach, which is similar to mine so of course going to feel ‘good’ to me to read. He also does tend to do very world-nature scale imagery and metaphors in very otherwise mundane scenes of a person having a mental breakdown, riding a plane, sitting in a room, getting shot, standing at a grave. I bookmarked it and I’ll share later, some of the description he does of the ocean, the sun, the rooms, reminds me of the kind of emotional-tugging-imagery I like to do and aim to do better. And the way his character povs do sometimes have to delve internally and work through thoughts/fears/contemplations, is a lot like my tendency to likewise draw out scenes to write those parts too. Then finally, Cixin Liu also keeps some stuff unsaid and needing to be Understood Through Interpretation, even though he does write through thoughts/emotions. I write similarly, so I very much enjoy seeing say Ye Wenjie’s internal crisis, and yet not having it spelled out what she thinks of humanity or why she does what she does - instead needing to figure that out myself based on the actions she goes through, the controlled way she responds, the way her pov shows how SHE is thinking (avoiding her emotions, avoiding her grief, so you don’t know she’s grieving unless you’ve noticed she’s AVOIDING in the first place). Just... there’s some features of Cixin Liu’s writing style that are absolutely favorites of mine to read and enjoy. So I’m having a phenomenal time.

#the dark forest #lb

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just0nemorepage · 2 years

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Mockingjay || Suzanne Collins || The Hunger Games #3 || 398 pages ----------------------------------------------------------------- Top 3 Genres: Young Adult / Dystopia / Science Fiction

Synopsis: My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead.

Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, has survived, even though her home has been destroyed. Gale has escaped. Katniss's family is safe. Peeta has been captured by the Capitol. District 13 really does exist. There are rebels. There are new leaders. A revolution is unfolding.

It is by design that Katniss was rescued from the arena in the cruel and haunting Quarter Quell, and it is by design that she has long been part of the revolution without knowing it. District 13 has come out of the shadows and is plotting to overthrow the Capitol. Everyone, it seems, has had a hand in the carefully laid plans—except Katniss.

The success of the rebellion hinges on Katniss's willingness to be a pawn, to accept responsibility for countless lives, and to change the course of the future of Panem. To do this, she must put aside her feelings of anger and distrust. She must become the rebels' Mockingjay—no matter what the personal cost.

Finished: August 2nd, 2022.

2022 Reading Progress: 4 books read.

My Rating: ★★★★★. [5/5]

My Review: [Under the read more - NOT SPOILER FREE]

I’ve been done with this book for two days now and been putting off writing anything about it, because it was so much better than I remember it being my first read through and it’s so hard to put into words.

But then again, everything’s hard for me to put into words these days so I’ll just spit it out.

Honestly, I read this the first time in 2012 – before I realized I had any kind of life trauma to work out. And Katniss’s behavior irritated the hell out of me, and the book overall seemed useless, since she barely got to participate in anything and most things just seemed to happen around her without her being aware of it, especially at the end. Now though, ten years later and with a healthy dose of recovery, maturity and mental awareness, I can appreciate that Katniss has severe PTSD, and that it is illustrated utterly flawlessly. She’s a very dry narrator and very matter-of-fact, otherwise it probably would have been much harder to get through than it was without triggering anything for myself.

I also recognize I only ever read this book once, so when the Mockingjay movies came out I barely remembered a thing about it. I remember watching part one, and thinking it was MUCH better – and for the most part, it is. It captures the book well without staying trapped in Katniss’s badly mentally damaged mind, so it can cover far more than her limited perspective can see. I also remember thinking part two was garbage. I couldn’t remember what was accurate to the book and what wasn’t, but it felt different and didn’t sit well with me. To this day, whenever I watch the Hunger Games movies I skip Mockingjay Part 2. I just end it after Part 1.

Now that I’ve re-read the book I understand why it didn’t sit well. The book version of part two is so much more detailed, so much more in-depth and, dare I say, much less de-fanged. The movie version paints answering violence with violence – even in revolutionary wartime – as a horrible, immoral thing. Your typical “violence is not the answer” bullshit. The book? It doesn’t do that. It makes it clear that any opposition to further violence is purely personal to Katniss, that she isn’t sure if it’s even the right thing to feel, that it’s mostly related to mental trauma and not being able to stomach it anymore. Morality has absolutely nothing to do with it. But the movies couldn’t say that – that hits the nail a little too hard on the head I guess. Can’t go telling the people that revolutionary violence might be okay.

I think my favorite part was the final few chapters, depicting Katniss’s and Peeta’s recovery towards a normal life back in what was left of 12. It seemed so pure and so real, so strong and unshakable and I FELT that. I felt it deep in my soul.

And Buttercup and Katniss’s reluctant bonding over the loss of Prim very nearly brought me to full tears.

I do wish there was some way for the reader to witness what happened between the bombing of the Capitol children and Snow’s execution, and between Coin’s death and Katniss’s return to 12. So much of that is so crucial to the closure of the entire series, and it happens and is done fully off-page and is just explained to Katniss in a few paragraphs or less. I totally get that it’s how Katniss herself would have learned, and so therefore it’s how we learn, but it seems so anticlimactic and I wish there could’ve been more to it.

I’m so glad I finally got to re-reading this, that I didn’t give up on it and write it off as “meh.” And I’m glad I can finally read the new prequel when I revisit this series next! It was a brilliant ending to a brilliant series, which turned out to be so much more about mental trauma than about revolutions.

#book reviews #mockingjay #suzanne collins #the hunger games #★★★★★#young adult #dystopia #science fiction #adventure #romance #survival #reread #owned #print book #series book #jomp original

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scentedsstuff · 26 days

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Red Queen

By Victoria Aveyard

Rating: 2/5⭐️

The PREMISE, The premise of this book is what easily caught my attention but as I proceeded to actually read the book, that’s where it lost me.

Quick Plot Summary:

Mare Barrow is our main character, born into a world divided by blood, and in this world you are either a red or a silver.

The reds are the commoners who labour away all day and the silvers are the ruling class, born with supernatural powers.

But what happens when this “norm” is disrupted by none other than our main girl; Mare Molly Barrow. In a turn of events it is discovered that Mare, a red, has supernatural powers of her own much to the surprise of everyone, including Mare herself. Why and how does Mare have the abilities that she does? Is she the anomaly or could there be others?

What follows is the beginning of a revolution.

Thoughts:

The idea was there, the execution, however, was not. Initially, I was intrigued by the premise, if you have two very different groups of people; reds and silvers, how can someone like Mare exist? Why does she have the abilities that she does despite having red blood?

I felt there was potential for me to like this book, but it was the characters that really deterred me from giving anything above 2 stars.

Mare was a bland main character, she really wasn’t standing out much from any other protagonist in a YA dystopian setting which made the book overall feel less memorable. The same could actually be said for the world building in general. It was an okay book with an okay protagonist but it wasn’t doing much for all the praise it seemed to be getting on social media.

Mare makes mistakes (like anyone else does) but doesn’t seem to learn from them nor grow as a character. There’s not much character development, and whilst I am aware that this is only the first book in a series, there doesn’t seem to be much promise for her character to get any better.

The rest of the characters suffered the same fate and were just as annoying.

There's a scene in this book that lives rent free in my brain (not because it’s particularly amazing but because I don’t remember ever cringing so hard from reading a book) :

Mare and the rebel gang are all together, plotting and scheming as one does, and they start to brainstorm how their plans are going to take care of a whole legion of soldiers under Cal (the big brooding brother)’s order.

Maven chimes in with “I happen to know a girl who knows a general very well” (**hint hint, It’s Mare and the general she knows very well is Cal).

She goes off on a lil tangent of “C’mon this is Cal, the solider, the general, the prince, Cal would never betray his country, not for anything!”

………literally the following excerpt reads “I know my brother, if it comes down to it, we both know what he’ll choose”

Mare ‘not like other girls’ Barrow responds “He would never choose me”

Maven shakes his head. “He will always choose you.”

Giirrllllll………..what the actual………. The way my eyes rolled so far back into my head (if that's even correct). I shut that book up and THREW it across the room.

I’m sorry but it feels like he just met you and before this dialogue she literally comes to the realisation that he loves her. How? How did this happen when they’ve only had a handful of scenes together where there was barely any build up. I can understand if he likes the girl and vice versa but love?! Bye. This book was testing me.

Mare had the personality and charisma of a blank piece of paper and I’m supposed to believe she had 3 guys head over heels in love with her.

Overall this book was very much a product of its time. Any redeeming traits were far and few and I just didn’t like it but that could just be me. If the premise seems interesting to you and you’re wanting to read it, be my guest.

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zucchinibread777books · 1 month

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King of the Armadillos Book Review

King of the Armadillos: A Novel by Wendy Chin-Tanner Book Review

Summary:

When Victor gets diagnosed with Hansen’s disease, his life is turned upside down. Already being from an immigrant family in the 1950s, and facing racism from being Chinese, he and his family don’t know exactly how to react when he is sent to a treatment home. How will he grow when healing seems like an impossible goal, and tensions in his interpersonal life push him further from his friends and family?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!

The Good:

As someone who hadn’t even heard of Hansen’s disease (of course I knew it by its old name, but had no idea it even still exists), this book is a really great way to bring attention to it and inform the reader. There was a lot that I didn’t know that I am now aware of because of this book and I appreciate it for that. I also don’t think there is a lot of Hansen’s disease representation in media and I am now hoping to find more!

Hansen’s disease wasn’t the only hard topic that this novel addressed of course, it also was very deeply about immigrant families during the time period and the issues they faced. It also discussed the treatment of not only Chinese immigrants, but also Jewish people during the war. The treatment of interracial couples also came up, along with power imbalance within the Hansen’s Disease Center.

Herb was absolutely my favorite character in this book. Of course I always love unexpected queer characters, but he was also such a great mentor figure for Victor that I found myself looking forward to any mention of him. His unrelenting encouragement of Victors talents along with his general grumpy grandpa vibe really made him loveable.

The Bad:

I really had high expectations going into this book. Even though I didn’t know anything about it when I picked it up, after reading the author’s note I thought it would turn out to be one of those hard-hitting books that discuss difficult topics in a way that leave you feeling different about your place in the world. Instead it was just hard to get through. I spent a month forcing myself to reread the same pages over and over because there was just nothing driving me forward within the plot.

The harder topics that the author chose to discuss also felt pushed to the background in favor of many, many cheating plot lines. Not just cheating, but childish love triangles that file the female characters down to nothing, their personality overtaken by the romances and possible romances she’s involved in. It was a shame that such important topics were put in the backseat for such trivial ones. Especially at the end, with the death. The futility of constant positive test results being overshadowed by Victors personal love crisis made Donny’s death seem so trivial.

Other than the one character, who barely had any involvement in the plot, I kind of just didn’t like anyone in this book. Of course, books don’t necessarily have to focus around any likeable characters, but these were the kind of characters that I just didn’t want to read the POV of. They made questionable decisions, treated others really poorly, and well that’s it. Despite the love and aid of others they didn’t seem to truly learn or grow at all. They said they changed but in the end they were put right back where they started and for what? In the end what was the point of this? Not one of the issues they went through felt truly resolved by the end.

Overall:

This book seems to have great reviews and have been very popular. I honestly think it was because it focused on a character with Hansen’s disease, which is not a common topic. Because the author portrayed Victor as just a normal kid despite having this disease with such a large stigma, it did change the narrative. But I don’t think she actually did anything with it. She addressed all of these very serious topics only to let them fall flat, not really saying anything about them in the end. I don’t think the actual plot or writing itself would have gotten such high reviews. I don’t see myself rereading this in the future, and I’d honestly rather recommend people read nonfiction about Hansen’s disease than this, but I will say that it informed me of things I didn’t know and did address a topic that is not talked about enough. For those reasons I give it

2.5 Stars

#king of the armadillos #book review #books #reading #books & libraries #book club #booklover #wendy chin-tanner #hansens disease #leprosy #immigrant stories #debut novel

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capture-so-i-wont-forget · 8 months

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lokal bookstore

captured july 27, 2023 | written multiple dates | written multiple places

the moment i stepped in front of the gates of UP Manila’s College of Arts & Sciences building in faura, ate guard told me “ma’am suspended na po”.

i mean i was aware of the suspension, but my professor was notorious for expecting students to come to class. i was already barely passing! i can’t take chances.

so i opened up my phone, lo and behold, the kind sir suspended today’s class. so i thanked ate with a heavy sigh and headed out.

i was racking my brain with what i should do as i didn’t want to head home and face the wrath of my backlog readings (sad reality of being in college).

but then i remember seeing a large Solidaridad sign when I went home through a motorcycle booking system one time. i immediately saw that it was a bookstore. i was ecstatic when the display flew past my vision

i wasn’t really able to head out to it as it was always bad timing. but hey! now isn’t one— since i’m already here in faura.

it was quite a walk from CAS. i even went beyond Robinson’s Manila. welp, when you’re on a moving vehicle it’s hard to gauge distance.

it seems that i was the only (first of the day even) customer at that time. i usually hate it when this happens as staff often tail me while i’m doing my business. lucky for me they didn’t, but they asked me to deposit my bag, i assume so i won’t be able to shoplift.

fun fact: their sign and store name, Solidaridad, i’d assume is inspired from the propaganda newspaper known during the late spanish occupation in the Philippines. i think it fits the theme of the store.

despite having mostly books of white pages, the library had the scent of old books. i assume it’s because this store opened in 1965. the smell remained and never left.

i am not a person of small talk. i am often at loss with words, especially with strangers. with this and my ridiculous shyness, i wasn’t really able to interrogate about the shop but rather i delved into reading previews of some hardbacks.

the first thing I noticed was that they mostly carried Filipino books, which really excited me. i’ve been having a hard time locating Filipiniana sections in the bookstores i often go, and if there was one, they had limited titles.

no offense to wattpad books, they were my introduction to reading in the first place, however, they are simply shit. shallow plot, terrible writing, and everything in between.

so having a store carrying mostly Filipino books really sparked my interest. i think i took a long time in that store.

i’d say around 80% of their books were in the history genre. there were all sorts of books on a lot of aspects of the country. Indigenous, far off islands, you name it, most likely they have it.

one title caught my eye and that was A History of the University of the Philippines by Fajutagana, L.M., and Cruz-Lucero, Rosario. The reason why was obvious. It was rather expensive though, so I gently placed it back while taking down its name for future purchase.

anyways, after my long interrogation of the store, i decided to purchase two books: Rizal Without the Overcoat by Ambeth Ocampo and Noli Me Tangere by (of course, who else) Jose Rizal, translated by Virgilio S. Almario. i was debating whether to get the english or filipino version of the famous novel but since i haven’t been really reading in my mother tongue, i decided on the latter.

the reason of my choices was that i was taking Life and Works of Rizal, PI 100 for UP people, at the time. i really enjoyed the subject, so it piqued my interest for a couple weeks.

as i write this today, i realize that i want to live a long life— as i have a lot of books i have yet to read, so much knowledge yet to be learned. there’s something poetic in between those lines, maybe it’s truly the simple things that give meaning to our time here.

overall, i absolutely adored this bookstore. it’s just sad that the prevalence of local bookstores has been dwindling. i appreciate the convenience of the large bookstore chains as you could see even the most obscure titles, but i guess there’s some charm when it comes to these small nooks in a bustling city.

please pay Solidaridad a visit! it’s totally a walkable distance from taft (albeit, i am a UP student so I can’t vouch how far “walkable” is to a normal person).

patuloy na nagbabasa. anji.

#FFC133 #digital camera #photography #amateur photography #amateur photographer #philippines #manila #filipino #writing #writer #ano pa ba pwede ilagay rito #kumain ka na ba?

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literary-illuminati · 1 year

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Book Review 6 – Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo

I’m vaguely aware that Bardugo’s a fairly prolific and well-regarded author, but before reading this the only thing of hers I’d ever opened was the book it’s a sequel to. Now, I actually really adored Ninth House, but I’ve had a few people tell me it’s pretty atypical of her work, and the hanging sequel hook at the end was the worst part of it – it was a perfectly lovely self-contained story, really. So, went into this one with a decent amount of trepidation, even if there’s no chance I wasn’t going to read it.

The book absolutely does read and feel like an unneeded sequel - @wearethekat has told me that the series was all planned out ahead of time, which frankly I would not have guessed. The plot was a big disjointed and some of the final act felt like a desperate attempt to tie up loose ends more than an actual reveal. I still just absolutely and totally do not care about Darlington. But overall it was still a fun read? I don’t regret the preorder, anyway.

But yes, plot-wise the story was messy – I actually loved the whole subplot with Alex being low-rent occult muscle roughing up people who owe a drug dealer money, and I would happily have read a whole book centred around that whole mess. But having her entirely coincidentally run into a vampire whose backstory and situation just happen to be key to the reveal of the main plot itself felt – well, just made the author’s puppet strings feel a bit too obvious, I suppose?

Though the main plot itself was always kind of a hard sell for me – which is to say, I thought Darlington was way more interesting as a corpse than as a character. The golden boy hero with the glamorous but burdensome inheritance whose read all the books and knows the proper way to do everything is just a much better part of the narrative after the protagonist panics and gets him killed and is now scrambling to keep things form falling to pieces in his place, y’know? So a book whose central premise is ‘lets go to hell and get him back!’ was, well, less than inspiring. So I might be judging it too harshly – it cohered?

Much like Ninth House, my main issue with the plot is actually just the ending. As mentioned, I recently learned the book was always planned to be part of a series – it still really didn’t feel like it? The obvious setup for the plot of the next book felt like it came a bit out of nowhere at the very end of the denouncement, and frankly it seems like the setup for a fun superhero-lite monster of the week action-adventure cartoon than a dark urban fantasy novel. (Also, I would have forgiven the book a lot if it spent so much time and effort carefully laying out so much hilarious blatant bdsm subtext between Alex and Darlington – not even sub, really, there’s a fiery astral collar involved – and then not actually had a textual romance between them. But if there’s still another book in the series it’s just forward planning and thus far less funny).

Though I suppose one major reason for my lack of interest in a sequel is just that the trend of the series seems to be that the magic is getting, well, higher powered isn’t the right term, but perhaps simpler might be? Which is a shame, because the aesthetics and general vibe of the magic – distasteful and messy in its components, full of elaborate ritual and pomp and circumstance, embedded in time and space and empowered by centuries of ruthless looting and hoarding – is really one of the main appeals of the setting. To the extent that Alex and Darlington can just do magical girl transformation sequences and start glowing, it loses a lot of its charm for me.

Generally tone and mood are a strength of the book, especially when it gets away from the hellfire. Alex is a truly amazing protagonist to be stuck inside the head of, and her general ambivalence towards life at Yale – her visceral disgust at the people and the bone-deep institutional rot combined with her hunger for the privileged, comfortable life of culture and learning and beauty being able to use that rot allows – is a really great throughline to how New Haven is characterized throughout the book. Bardugo’s got a real love for all the historical trivia about Yale and a blistering contempt for the sort of people who really run it and it’s whole existence as an institution – I checked to make sure, but yeah you can absolutely tell she’s an alumnus.

I know I already said as much while complaining but – the way these books do magic is just an absolute joy, it honestly is. Really nails the middle ground between like, fun over the top ceremonial magic, and making/have to drink potions of the most random/rare/disgusting things to keep ghosts from eating you. It’s also just overall a very satisfyingly cynical take on magic, and a kind of bleak look at the whole magical boarding school genre – if there’s a secret school that monopolizes magical lore and teaches it to very special students, of course those students are going to end up secretaries of state and managing partners at big law firms and perennial pop stars. Divine mysteries and the life of the mind are all well and good, but power is power is power (it’s rather Pact-like, in that way, magic isn’t this wondrous escape from/panacea to societal oppression, just another axis it can be reflected through)

Anyways, the actual main draw of this series is the protagonist, and Galaxy Stern never ceases to be an absolute joy to read. In the alternate universe where Darlington is the protagonist and the series has an inexplicably popular tv adaptation everyone would hate her so fucking much. The book was good basically in direct proportion to how often let her be an unhinged spiky bitch with no chill and lie, cheat, steal and occasionally super justifiably murder her way to success. I love horrifically traumatized social climber/imposters, con artists, and people with incredibly overdeveloped Shakespearean senses of payback so much.

The rest of the supporting cast is also fine I guess. Very funny that in a world where the western occult tradition seems to be substantively correct and the entire plot is breaking a damned soul out of hell, Turner appears to be to the first approximation the only actual Christian in New Haven. He’s also got a really fun dynamic with Alex, in a ‘you could make a really weird buddy cop police procedural’ out of this kind of way. Trip is decent comic relief and Dawes, Mercy, etc all fill their narrative purposes.

So yeah in conclusion read Ninth House (...check the content warnings first, maybe), and also the sequel’s needless but pretty decent too.

#book review #Hell Bent #leigh bardugo #sff #ninth house

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semper-legens · 2 years

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83. The Fugitive from Corinth, by Caroline Lawrence

Owned: Yes Page count: 208 My summary: Aristo, the kids’ tutor, wants to go back home, breaking his contract with Flavia’s father. That night, Flavia’s father is found unconscious and bloody, with Aristo standing over him holding a bloody knife. Flavia wants revenge, wants to find him and make him pay for what he has done. But is everything as it seems? My rating: 4/5

Roman Mysteries gone dark gone SPOOKY. By which I mean, hello naughty children, it’s murder time! Or attempted murder at least. Remember when the first story was Flavia trying to find her dad’s lost ring? Well, he’s in a coma now, and her tutor is the murderer. Well, maybe. This is where we see more of Flavia’s angry and vindictive side - she’s single-mindedly pursuing Aristo, unable to solve the mystery until she puts aside her preconceptions. (Yeah, spoiler, it wasn’t Aristo. Of course it wasn’t.) Anyway, this is the one Roman Mysteries book I’m less familiar with, purely because I didn’t own it when I was a kid, so it’s always a surprise to come back to it not knowing every little twist and turn.

Aristo has been a recurring character all the way through the series. He’s Greek, which means that he’s a second-class citizen in Roman society, but he’s a paid employee, which is a pretty sweet deal. His job so far has been to deliver plot-appropriate lessons to the kids that tie into whatever mystery they’re solving. He’s also hot as hell and everyone, in particular Nubia, is in love with him. Everyone is horny for Aristo. Anyway, it turns out he was involved in a weird love triangle back home and his brother is the one who was attempting to kill him, Marcus just got in the way. On a reread, Aristo’s coming across as more of a dick than he did when I was a kid, but he’s also in his twenties I think, so I now see him as a peer/baby instead of an Adult. Ah, the passage of time.

Flavia is at her angriest and most vindictive here - for good reason! Her dad got stabbed! He’s fine in the end, but she doesn’t know she’s in a book series for kids. I really like when series’ like this acknowledge and highlight their characters’ flaws, and not just in a ‘she did a mean and then said she was sorry’ way, Flavia genuinely hurts the people around her by lashing out at all of them for not being as focused as she is on bringing Aristo to ‘justice’. While they do forgive her in the end, she’s still portrayed as doing some real damage, which is nice.

One thing that’s interesting in this series is how it treats religion. One thing I didn’t mention in the last one is how Lupus hears a voice in his head, trying to urge him to do the right thing - it’s heavily implied to be the voice of God, as in the Christian God, who he is aware of thanks to living with Jonathan and his family. But here, Flavia asks the Delphic oracle for assistance, and gets a very accurate prophecy in return from Apollo. I had forgotten the latter, I was ready to criticise the series for its Christian overtones in a setting where modern Christianity doesn’t exist, but Flavia’s world is still pagan, which balances it a bit.

Overall, another good book in the series, though not my favourite. That one’s next - well, after another few non-RM books that is.

Next up, comics time, as we dig into some Steam-powered tales.

#Roman Mysteries #Caroline Lawrence #bookblr #book blog #book blogger #4

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madtomedgar · 2 years

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Books read in April:

What Should Be Wild, Julia Fine: I liked it. The writing was good, it was a fun modern take on both family-focused gothic horror, fairy tales, and coming of age stories. I don’t really agree with the reviewer who called it a “feminist fairy tale,” but definitely a fun read. I liked that the author managed to disempower and brutalize her main character while completely avoiding anything that even looked like sexual violence. A good airplane read.

How Long Til Black Future Month?, N.K. Jemisin: In all fairness, she does warn you that short stories are her weak spot in her intro. And that is entirely accurate. I’m really, really glad I read some of her novels before I read this, because if I had read this first I would never read anything else she had written. Her novels are amazing and these are just bad. I think the problem is she thinks that because she has less time, she needs to keep her plots, points, and characters Tight and Simple, and that these stories must have plots and points. The stories are mostly very preachy, fable-like, Roddenbery-esque “let me beat you over the head with the moral of this story while acting like I’m smart or subtle.” They are disturbingly moralistic for the most part. The ones that aren’t feel very much like someone read way too much Neil Gaim*n and thinks that that’s something to emulate (sorry to his fans but I think his writing is... fine. Unfortunately he clearly thinks it’s soooooo clever and so does everyone else and that is an attitude I can’t stand). If you like kind of simple stories with obvious progressive values and usually kind of... “hope-punk”? endings, you will like this. If you are like me and like really good prose and messy, messed up characters and no resolutions, you will hate them.

The Hundred Wells of Salaga, Ayesha Harruna Attah: This is one of those unfortunate books where the concept is really good and is, tragically, way beyond the abilities of the author to execute. The prose is pretty basic, the progression of the plot is alternately haphazard and wooden, the characters, while clearly very different people, don’t have distinct voices, and while it’s clear the author is trying to do some really interesting things with power and gender and personhood and colonialism, none of it really lands. One character is supposed to be an intelligent and ambitious young woman chafing at being forced into the role of proper wife and political bargaining chip, but because of how she’s written, she mostly just comes off as arrogant and entitled, someone who thinks she’s smart and deserving but actually doesn’t understand anything. She is bisexual but her attraction to women is shoehorned in in a very awkward way and serves no purpose. You’re set up to think it’s going to go somewhere deeply messed up because she is intensely attracted to a woman she enslaves and is being (willfully? hard to tell) obtuse about the power dynamic. And it ends with her and the enslaved girl sniping at each other over, I shit you not, the (guy) slave-trader who previously owned the girl, and who also previously had an affair with girl 1. It tries to say a lot, but doesn’t seem to know how to say it, and ends up saying not much at all. Also fat is treated as a sin on par with wife-beating, and the way that was presented was deeply uncomfortable. There’s also a lot of graphic violence and sexual violence in this book, which wasn’t bad, but something to be aware of.

Savage Inequalities: Children in America’s Schools, Jonathan Kozol: This is a fantastic book. It’s devastating, well researched, and very easy to read. I think if you went to a well-funded school in the US, but especially a well funded school in the US north of the mason-dixon line, you should read this book. Especially if you consider yourself progressive. Some of the views in the book are a little dated with regards to disability (and race), but overall it holds up.

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

#the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #anti charles fairchild #is this anti anna?#kamala joshi #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #chain of gold #spilling the tea

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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The Kaiser wasn’t very good at being a villain (and that’s the point, actually)

Ken’s journey of redemption is generally well-documented overall, and it was explicit enough in the series that there’s only so much you really need to explain it, but due to the blurred boundary of what was supernatural influence from the Dark Seed and what was Ken’s own emotional problems wreaking havoc, it’s somewhat more difficult to bridge that gap between the Kaiser and Ken, and how they can be the same person.

The easiest way to understand it comes from both directions. One is that Ken, even in his normal element, is much more assertive than he’s often given credit for -- it’s just that the Kaiser is a (fragile) manifestation of that very carefully cultivated to channel that in all of the wrong directions. The other has to do with the fact that the Kaiser is actually really terrible at being a villain, and the persona itself is very fragile and difficult for him to maintain.

Rewatching the first half of 02 shows multiple indications that, for all he seemed to be the stereotype “evil genius”, Ken was forcing himself into the mold. He was never cut out for it from day one. Even from the beginning, Ken’s actual nature as a lonely and inherently kind eleven-year-old child was tearing apart at the Kaiser persona, and the fateful episode 21 was not so much a single turning point for him as much as it was the last straw in a series of things tumbling down for him.

Before we continue: While all of the meta on this blog is only possible thanks to support and input from a handful of friends (whose names will not be disclosed on account of privacy requests), this one in particular arose from a long and extensive discussion with said friends that I am extremely grateful for. As always, I hope I was able to convey your points well.

Well, firstly, it’s important to understand that, much like nearly any other character in this series, Ken’s surface demeanor is a bit deceptive. The Crest of Kindness has the original Japanese name of yasashisa (優しさ), which has a secondary meaning of “gentleness” (lost in translation, but still apparent with the bubble metaphor in 02 episode 23). That also ties into the secondary meaning of “kind” -- it’s not just about being naturally “soft”, but actively choosing to be gentle with others even when you’re theoretically capable of not doing so. (For those of you who have seen Appmon, the entire point of that series was about what it means to consciously and deliberately choose to be kind, and, in fact, quite a few parallels could be made between Ken and Haru...)

The contrast between Daisuke and Ken goes far beyond just the surface. Daisuke’s surface demeanor is abrasive, but he’s not actually very good at being assertive until push comes to shove, and he otherwise tends to bend easily to others or get overwhelmed; in contrast, Ken has a more polite demeanor and for the most part seems non-confrontational, but has much stronger control of his emotions and is more easily able to be assertive than Daisuke is. (Of course, both of them share the common point of being like-minded when it’s something that really matters, but Ken is much better at imposing his will and getting what he wants done before Daisuke ever gets to that point, which is what fuels the whole punchline of Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol.)

So, the point is: Daisuke is kind out of instinct and just “naturally” being so, but Ken is kind because he consciously believes in treating others well and not causing conflict, and not causing pain to others.

That’s not to say that Ken’s behavior is out of suppression or anything! It’s not a case like Takeru, who’s trying to push complicated emotions down while pretending they’re not boiling under the surface, nor is he like Hikari, who’s compulsively pressing her emotions down out of a desire not to burden others. Rather, even as early as 02 episode 26, he’s very straightforward about what his issue is and what he thinks about it. Ken’s “shyness” during the latter half of 02 is largely due to shame and hesitation from not knowing the other 02 kids well, but as the series goes on and as we go into post-02 material, he indicates that he’s perfectly wiling to be vocal about what he thinks without necessarily fighting any compulsion to suppress it. For someone who claims he doesn’t know much about his own heart, he arguably seems to have the best grip on understanding himself compared to a lot of this cast!

So in essence, the main take-home here is that Ken is theoretically capable of being strong-willed and assertive, and is very good at choosing when he wants to be assertive and when he wants to hold back. And he likes seeing people get along, and he wants everyone to be happy, and he doesn’t like seeing people be hurt or hurting others, and under normal circumstances, Ken has very good control of his emotions for the most part and quite a lot of self-awareness. That’s why Ken is the one to get the unique designation of this Crest; everyone in this cast can be said to be generous and supportive of others in some form, but there’s a difference between being a “natural” doormat who defers to others by default (Daisuke being a very good indicator of how this kind of mentality has a flip side of lack of self-esteem and high insecurity, and Tamers’s Takato being a good indication of how “being deferential” doesn’t necessarily preclude you from having tendencies towards selfishness or cowardice), versus choosing to be kind by understanding everything and still being gentle out of a belief that it’s the right thing to do (again: see Shinkai Haru). And it’s why Wormmon says in the 02 episode 23 flashback that Ken’s kindness can be used against him; being “kind” in this way requires a lot of mental fortitude, strength, and guts, all of which are things that could easily be very bad things when applied in the wrong direction.

This means that all the Dark Seed really needed to do in order to turn him into the Kaiser...was make him lose grip on that self-control.

Actually, Ken says it himself in less-than-subtle words in Spring 2003:

…It was revenge. But who was this revenge against? Did I want to triumph over the ones who made fun of me? The ones who looked down on me and used me? But… In the end, it was revenge against myself. I couldn’t do anything but deny the kind of human being that I was.

So in other words, the Kaiser persona was, effectively, a self-loathing eleven-year-old boy throwing a massive tantrum. A lot of the Kaiser’s actions in the first half of 02 are honestly rather petty -- he’s basically upset at the kids spoiling his holiday in 02 episode 6, he attempts torturing Daisuke out of a petty grudge over a soccer sliding tackle in 02 episode 8, and everything to do with expanding his territory and eventually (hopefully?) becoming ruler of the Digital World is frankly very sloppy. For all he’s said to be a genius, his genius only seems to extend to book smarts, and his “tactical planning abilities” never really expand beyond that of a soccer field sort of affair; his way of locking down control on other things is basically just “brainwash it harder” or “whip it harder” and applying harder brute force instead of doing something in the long-term like, say, trying to rule with charisma and recruiting allies.

(Again, bringing Appmon back into this, seeing Cloud in action will give you a much better example of a charismatic human villain who’s actually competent at his job. Or, heck, you can even look back at Savers’s Kurata, who at least was savvy enough to pull strings with people in powerful positions. Or even the Kaiser’s predecessor Saiba Neo from V-Tamer, who may have been openly sadistic but still had the sense to align himself with background power. Really, compared to all of these folks, the Kaiser is downright pathetic.)

Remembering that Ken fell into the Kaiser persona partially as a desperate attempt to become a “perfect person” like Osamu, Ken “imitated” Osamu’s cruelty to him because he felt that was how he could improve himself to become a “strong” person better than him. But the irony here is that Osamu’s “cruelty” was something that he himself never liked, and mainly came from lashing out at Ken due to feeling like he had a lack of control over his own life. So Osamu was never happy in that position, and Ken, who is indirectly pointed out via the bubble metaphor to be even more fundamentally inclined towards gentleness, is probably even more miserable.

Because everything Ken does as the Kaiser is “unfocused lashing out at everyone”, the Kaiser has less control over his emotions than Ken normally would. Takeru manages to emotionally pin him to a corner by confronting him with enough assertion in 02 episode 19 (this is before he punches him), and correctly points out that the Kaiser isn’t capable of winning with words (i.e. ideologically) and resorts to violence as the first thing he can think of. You’d think that if the Kaiser were actually someone with the self-confidence to consider the other Chosen Children beneath him, he wouldn’t even bother giving them the time of day, but Takeru just happening to be a little assertive is enough to make him lose his composure and start falling apart, and a lot of his shaken “insects!” yelling comes from him seeming pretty desperate to cling onto that rather than being all that confident about his natural superiority over anyone. 02 episode 20 establishes that he’s getting himself in over his head by tampering with the powers of darkness he can’t control, and while, on a plot level, it means that he’s misjudged his own capabilities, on a metaphorical level, it corresponds to the fact that even Ken himself is incapable of getting himself out of the emotional abyss he’s in.

And on the flip side, one of the biggest “tells” that Ken is still miserable during all of this is 02 episode 9, where he’s seen ruminating on the “glory” he’s getting in the real world despite having just decided to leave it all behind. The episode prior, after all, had been called “The Digimon Kaiser’s Loneliness”. The media is using him like some kind of “hot topic”, his parents’ affection (in his mind) is shallow and based only on his achievements, and he has no friends (how much of a role Akiyama Ryou played in his childhood is unclear, but either way, he’s no longer around now). With no emotional support coming from any direction in the real world, he’s resorting to at least trying to have some “fun” in what he perceives to be a “game”, and yet he’s still not having fun at all.

If you look carefully at a lot of the Kaiser’s actions during the first half of the series, one thing you’ll notice is that there are multiple indications that he’s not quite up to par to being as sadistic as you’d think he’d be. Recalling that we learn in 02 episodes 20-21 that the Kaiser is under the impression that the Digital World is like a game that he can “reset” and the Digimon in it not real living beings, it has interesting implications of the fact that he’s actually very hesitant to physically harm other human beings -- he certainly likes emotionally toying with them, but even when he’s trying to take petty revenge on Daisuke in 02 episode 8, he goes out of his way to set up a trap with Bakemon to torture him rather than, well, actually using the kids as hostages. That’s a hell of a lot of work to do, but he instead uses this extremely roundabout way to get them out of the picture in a somewhat less harmful way, risking having them escape (which is exactly what happens).

And in 02 episode 19, when Takeru confronts him and he ends up whipping him, you can hear a slight “...gh?” in the Japanese audio for a split second right after that, meaning that the Kaiser is, for some reason, having a hard time dealing with the fact that he just hit Takeru, and he does a very poor job defending himself against Takeru punching him out despite ostensibly being trained in judo. (Seriously, if you watch the animation of the scene, he’s just lying there while Takeru repeatedly punches the hell out of him, because he’s so out of it.) Regarding the Digimon, he’s convinced himself that they’re not living beings, but regarding the human Chosen Children, who undeniably are, no matter how much he might look down on them, he has a suspiciously hard time harming them as much as he could...

On top of that, one interesting question that might come up to one rewatching the first half of 02 is the strange “contradiction” of why the Kaiser ostensibly seems to hate Wormmon so much, calling him an unworthy idea of a partner in 02 episodes 10 and 19, and yet does remarkably little to get Wormmon away from him or off his case (he hates Wormmon calling him “Ken-chan”, yet doesn’t really try very hard to stop him). He could have easily locked Wormmon away in a cage or something if he really wanted to -- actually, there’s the question, why doesn’t he slap an Evil Ring on him? Because in the end, Wormmon is the only emotional support he’s really getting, and so it’s likely he unconsciously doesn’t want to lose that. Recalling that Digimon are fundamentally linked to the inner self, the Kaiser rejecting Wormmon for being “weak” is analogous to Ken rejecting his own self for being “weak” and “not perfect” -- which means that the fact he still keeps Wormmon around is analogous to the fact that Ken hasn’t really been able to bring himself to completely let his fundamental nature go. And, hence, it’s why he gets so initially incensed at Wormmon’s “betrayal” at 02 episode 10 (and yet still keeps him around despite that), and is ultimately emotionally destroyed by his death in 02 episode 21.

Although, actually, if you look carefully at 02 episode 21, it’s not quite Wormmon’s death that necessarily does it -- the turning point where he sheds the Kaiser persona is right before that (and in case you have any doubts, the animation puts highlights in his eyes for the first time in the series right at that point). Wormmon’s death is the first major consequence of his actions that he has to deal with, but what actually brought Ken back to his senses was his own realization that Digimon are living beings, that his actions have had permanent effects this whole time, and that he can’t take back anything he’d done.

Remember that 02 is a series that is largely about moving on and accepting that you can’t change the past, and that you have to move forward regardless of that. Ken’s fall into sadism was only possible by driving him into extremely deep-seated denial -- he was already starting to face the potential reality of Digimon being real, existing beings in the real world an episode prior. He says, outright, in 02 episode 21, that part of the reason he came to the Digital World to do all of this was escapism -- and, presumably, under the idea that any mistake he made could be rolled back and redone, unlike Osamu’s death. But the Digital World is not a place you can reset like a game, Ken will have to live with the consequences of his actions again, and moreover, every single one of the actions he’d been convincing himself were relatively meaningless had caused severe and permanent harm, and the entire thing overwhelms him.

It’s also important to point out that this was probably where the Dark Seed had to work a lot of magic to get Ken to embrace this kind of denial so easily -- after all, it’s established in the final quarter of the series that it does have a tangible impact on personality and puts a damper on one’s ability to feel empathy. In the flashback in 02 episode 23, regardless of whether Ken considered the Digital World to be a “game” or “able to be reversed” or not, he clearly still didn’t care and treated those around him with proper kindness (even if he did consider it to be all of that, it probably wouldn’t have been entirely unlike how a lot of us have a hard time picking rude choices in video games). It’s a very complicated chain reaction of events that allowed this to be even possible, and it was so against his fundamental nature that once the denial broke and Ken reached his limit, he wasn’t able to do it anymore. The Chosen Children’s main role in 02 episode 21 was really just cleaning up the massive mess he’d made in the form of Chimeramon, but as far as the whole thing about the Kaiser’s persona completely falling apart and Ken being forced to confront his own self goes, that was pretty much all Ken and Wormmon, in a series of dominoes that had already been collapsing for episodes on end.

The following episodes have Ken treat the 02 team with a certain amount of detachment, and this is often construed by a handful of people as being reflective of Ken being standoffish of some sort. The fact that Daisuke and Ken are often promoted in franchise materials as “rivals” mainly due to them being in the “protagonist and right-hand-man” position such characters are in might tempt you to think that way, but they are most definitely not!! (Considering that even saying that Taichi and Yamato fit that mold is a bit questionable, and neither Ruki nor Jian quite fulfill the expectations of the role in regards to the genre-subverting Tamers, Frontier, which is explicitly said to be deliberately written to be conventional, is probably the first proper execution of this trope in the form of Takuya and Kouji.) Ken’s detachment from the group at this time in the series is something he actually gives the reason for quite directly: he believes it’s his fault and doesn’t want to burden them with what he considers to be his job, and in the end Daisuke ultimately breaks through to him and they become completely normal friends who get along. “Rival” what?

Ken is, at worst, distant during this point of the series, but he’s actually very straightforward about what he wants and intends to do; it’s just that he’s being a bit blunt about it because he’s still drowning in his shame and not sure how to approach them. (Also, consider the fact he was rather lacking in friends or a support group before all of this; he doesn’t have a lot of experience in socializing, either.) So he keeps everyone at arm’s length, and the reason he comes off as so standoffish is because he’s so assertive! He directly and bluntly makes some very strong remarks about how he believes everyone else shouldn’t be getting involved! Again, when left to his own devices and not being manipulated into by a supernatural evil seed into multiple levels of denial, Ken is very in control of what he wants and thinks, and is even very open about speaking his mind.

That’s even when they’re not good decisions, mind you. Ken starts off the climax of 02 episode 26 being very firm about wanting to suicidally throw himself into the reactor in order to stop it, and 02 episode 30 has him consider himself a burden to the team after the fallout with Iori and try to stay out of it despite them very badly needing his presence, which Daisuke (of all people!) rightfully calls him out for being childish about. But he also listens to reason very quickly and acknowledges the others’ point very easily, with Daisuke reminding him in 02 episode 26 that his suicidal recklessness is actually pretty self-centered and short-sighted of him, since it’ll prevent him from doing anything else to take responsibility for his actions going forward, and Miyako, uh, slapping him in 02 episode 30. (But he comes quietly right away as if acknowledging his own idiocy, and never holds it against her thereafter.)

Nevertheless, the point is: you can see that this kind of assertiveness is the same kind of assertiveness he had as the Kaiser, just channeled in a different direction and for a different purpose. But as the Kaiser, he was angrily lashing out at anything and everything and stepping on anything he could just so he could have a show of power; once he comes back to his senses, he reserves that force for it being something he consciously believes is the right thing to do (regardless of whether it’s actually the right thing to do or not).

Because of the fact Ken spends a lot of the last quarter of 02 suffering and parsing a lot of trauma, a lot of people have tended to pin him as constantly sad and being a soft crybaby, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Despite all the emotional pain he goes through, Ken has a hell of a ton of strength through all of this -- he even flings a well-aimed quip at Oikawa in 02 episode 44 despite being in a completely helpless situation, and in 02 episode 45 he himself is the one who volunteers to open the gate to the Dark Ocean, despite knowing exactly what it entails. That takes a lot of guts, and all things considered, his recovery from being the Kaiser spans only four months and is altogether incredibly fast given what he went through -- it did not take long for him to regain his bearings and get himself back on track. Again, it’s the same kind of “assertiveness” and capacity for action that fuels what the Kaiser did, just better controlled and in a direction Ken knows he actually wants.

This is also why I tend to object to insinuations that Ken would be overly touchy about or traumatized by the mere discussion of him being the Kaiser in the aftermath of 02, because the series itself, multiple times, portrayed him as being very able to talk about his experiences bluntly and honestly, at worst maybe considering it a bit of an awkward topic. He has no problems admitting that it was a thing that happened, especially if it involves discussing it as part of taking responsibility or preventing further damage -- it’s just that he of course doesn’t enjoy it either, and is equally as open about the shame he feels as a result. All of the times Ken loses his composure in the latter half of 02 involve either physical pain being inflicted on him, or a lot more actively vicious invocation of his memories and insecurities, and even then he gets himself back on his feet with a rather prompt amount of speed. Poorly timed of a statement as it may have been, Miyako is not incorrect when she says in 02 episode 31 that he has a certain amount of natural resilience that he carried from being the Kaiser.

All the way back in 02 episode 9, shortly after it was revealed to the group that Ken was the Kaiser, Iori, Hikari, and Takeru all label Ken as someone who doesn’t look like someone who could do something so horrible, and Hikari even says that his smile looks “gentle” (note that this is yasashisou, a word derived from the same root word used for his Crest). So in other words, even all three of them were able to catch on to his actual nature betraying himself even during that awful period of time. It’s still poking through, all things considered.

But we as the audience know he’s putting on that face for the camera, and his eyes are still as dead-eyed as they are for the first half of the series, and when Miyako accidentally makes him laugh during the Christmas party in 02 episode 38, it’s very much framed as probably the first time Ken has been this genuinely happy in a long while. He was never able to be this happy even when “satisfying” himself by stepping on others as the Kaiser.

And that’s why it’s so extremely unlikely that Ken will ever be able to lapse back into the Kaiser persona after the events of 02, even with the Dark Seed technically still inside his neck. He wasn’t enjoying it anyway; the Kaiser persona wasn’t a habit that he fell into out of emotional suppression or even catharsis, but rather him forcing himself into a role he was never comfortable in to begin with. He was never truly satisfied with anything he was getting out of it, and moreover, it took the combination of supernatural influence and a hell of a lot of denial to allow it to get that far in the first place, because of how far against his fundamental nature that was. (Again, for those of you who have seen Appmon: think about what it would take to get Haru to embrace sadism.) Even Osamu wasn’t enjoying being cold; being kind and living your life with positivity is a lot more fulfilling and fun, anyway.

In 02 episode 48, Ken describes the influence of the Seed as “horrible” in retrospect; even if it didn’t involve physical pain and exhaustion the way it did for the Dark Seed children, the entire experience sucked even back then. And while Ken theorizes about the Dark Seed’s influence being countered by the power of love earlier in the episode, when you look at the whole of 02, it’s not just his family’s love -- Ken now has the emotional support of his family, and Wormmon, and his newfound friends, and that’s giving him all of the fulfillment he wanted that putting on a front of sadism wasn’t giving him, and he doesn’t really need anything else anymore.

02 itself is very much about the fact that it’s not a bad thing to rely on the support of others to be happy; the Ken and Kaiser are undoubtedly the same person, but the latter’s existence requires a very specific lineup of events and factors to happen, and one of the massive parts behind that was a severe lack of emotional support or anyone who properly understood him. And by the end of the series, Ken has more than enough strength of heart to accept everything that’s happened and move on, and to stop reaching out to denial and clinging onto the past, and he has emotional support and understanding from a whole new group of friends that thoroughly understand everything he did and went through, and wholeheartedly accept and love him anyway.

He is never going to have a gaping hole in his life like that again.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #ichijouji ken #ken ichijouji #shihameta

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