#i'm sorry god.

[lizstiel]

Dean’s sitting at the kitchen table eating meatloaf when it all sort of hits – and he’s desperate to remember it exactly how it happened.

With his fork raised halfway to his mouth, a dollop of meat and sauce perched precariously on the tines, his eyes wandered over to where Cas stood by the sink in a pair of ratty pajama bottoms and one of Dean’s old t-shirts. (One of Dean’s old t-shirts, because once Cas gets his shoulders into them they never really sit the same way.)

He’s got soap up to his elbows, scrubbing methodically at the dishes Dean just dirtied, his brow a taught, concentrated line. He’s bringing the same kind of meticulous focus to the dishes that he used to bring to leading the armies of Heaven; that singular kind of attention, both unnerving and admirable. (Dean had once tried to explain that he didn’t need to wash them quite so vigorously, to which Cas had deadpanned, “Do you know how many food particles remain on the dishes you wash, Dean?” It quickly became his job, after that.)

It’s early July. About 6:30pm. The window over the sink is cracked, and the front door is wide open, letting the sound of cicadas and crickets drift in with the summer breeze. The sun’s starting to set behind the field, casting the world in that particular orange glow that has always made something in Dean ache. In the other room, the record player Sam got them for Christmas plays a beat up Janis Joplin record he’d found at a secondhand store in town. The opening chords of Me and Bobby McGee have just started, and the cicadas are humming, and the crickets are singing, and the sun is setting, and Cas is standing in old pajamas washing dishes Dean just used to make them dinner and –

Cas tilts his head.

This isn’t revolutionary. He does it a lot. A very ingrained behavior, some might say. But he isn’t confused, he’s reacting. To the song. He doesn’t react to music the way Dean wants him to, never has, but in his own way, it’s almost like he’s leaning closer to hear it. An infinitesimal thing. The smallest gesture. The corner of his mouth twitches, and Dean has never loved him more than he does at this moment: backlit by a summer sunset in their house in the middle of nowhere, hand washing dishes and listening to Janis Joplin.

Cas turns when the sound of Dean’s fork clattering on the plate sounds, but Dean just scoops him into his arms, chases any worries away with a kiss, and then another, and then one more for good measure. Cas laughs against his mouth, desperately trying to keep his soapy arms away from Dean’s dry clothes. “Dean,” he chides, squirming and chuckling, trying to extract himself from Dean’s grip. “I’m not finished.”

“I’ll get ‘em tomorrow,” Dean promises, peppering sweet little kisses down the line of Cas' throat. He hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. It tickles all the way down. “Love you so much,” he says, because he wants to. Because he’s so full with it he’s overflowing. Because if he doesn’t tell him right now, in this moment, and every moment after this one, he might die. He needs him to know. It’s vital that he knows.

Cas’ laughter warms, and he slides one soapy hand to the back of Dean’s neck, eyebrows raised in challenge when he shudders at the sensation. When Dean doesn’t immediately shoo him away, he slides the other soapy hand up Dean’s arm. “Dean?” He’s not worried, the timber of his voice is honey-smooth and light, but he’s confused. Not that Dean doesn’t tell him often, and loudly, how much he loves him, but to be fair this did kind of come from nowhere, so he understands. It’s just much too much. It’s not enough and it’s everything. It’s everything in the world Dean has ever wanted.

Janis Joplin is singing freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, and Dean’s arms are loose around Cas’ waist, and he loves him, god he loves him so much, so he kisses him on one corner of the mouth, and then the other. Janis says, nothin’, don’t mean nothin’ hon’ if it ain’t free, no, no – and he rocks their bodies together, slow, to the beat of the music. Cas’ arms come to wind around his neck automatically, and his smile starts to sprawl into something reserved for only the really good moments. Wide and gummy and for Dean – and feelin’ good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. He presses his forehead to Cas’ and they just sort of sway there like that, smiling at each other like this might be the last chance they ever get.

Cas says – “I love you, Dean,” just as Janis is singing, you know feelin’ good was good enough for me – and it occurs to Dean that he’s dancing in the kitchen with the love of his life. He thinks back to the longest, loneliest nights he spent staring up at the night sky, believing wholly he’d die bloody and alone on the backend of some random hunt, and how the smallest (but loudest) part of him had wished for exactly this. For someone to hold him and see him and dance in the kitchen with him, barefoot and covered in soap.

He kisses the tip of Cas’ nose, the lines under his eyes. Doesn’t realize he’s crying until Cas is wiping tears away with the pads of his thumbs and soothing hands through his hair. He’s crying, too. Laughing and crying and telling Dean he loves him, he loves him so much, he’s loved him from the first moment he saw him.

It settles in Dean then – really settles deep, and true, and good – that he was meant for this. He wasn’t born to be a weapon. Wasn’t born to be a son, or a father, or a brother. Wasn’t born to save the world or to end it – was just meant to dance. His arms were meant to hold. To sway them both around the cheap linoleum floor, to sling low around Cas’ waist and spin them both ‘til they were dizzy with it.

They laugh and kiss and Janis is saying – good enough for me and Bobby McGee – and Dean is thinking – Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

#i'm sorry god. #mine #my fic #this literally. listen. #this came to me like a premonition #i was playing stardew valley and then it was like #if I don't write this incredibly self indulgent sappy shit I will EXPLODE #trying to get better about listening to that voice instead of ignoring it #bc i'm not like. great at writing but it makes me feel good. or it used to #and i wanna get back to that #anyway. #love how every few months dean and cas come into my life like ;)))) hey. #remember when everything you made was about us #and i'm like. god you're so right #destiel #deancas #spn #gonna try not to re-read this a thousand times until I hate it too so if it's like #trash that's why lmao #why am i so afraid anyway #ANYWAY

[swordsmans]

me, absolutely not an artist, desperately trying to articulate how much i adore people's fanart: ouughgh the colors. there are so MANY of them!!!! and the lines,,,,,,,,,, they are made of lines.. impeccable

#god im so sorry please know that i'm always weeping when i look at awesome art #gyro.txt

[eric-the-disposable-demon]

Uh-

just found out my cousin (who lives in England) is in the art department of a bunch of shows??? And she worked oN DOCTOR WHO? AND HAD LUNCH WITH DAVID TENNANT???? and she just told me so casually because she's interested in the art, not the show? I mean, excuse me? She worked on SHERLOCK???? FOR A WHOLE SEASON?? She worked on Peaky Blinders and Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones??? And probably other things because she has a shitty memory and according to her everything is a blur?? AND AT ONE POINT SHE WAS LIKE: "oh and have you ever heard of Neil Gaiman?" And I was trying not to scream, because yes, of course I've heard of Neil, he's only my favorite author, I've only read like all of his books multiple times, and if you say you worked on Good Omens or the Sandman I'm going to lose it completely. So I said "yeah I've read a couple of his books," -you know, like a liar- "what about him?" and she goes "well I worked on one of his shows and he's brilliant i just can't remember which one" and i go "w-what do you mean he's brilliant? You're.. you're talking about his writing... his writing is brilliant, right?" And she cheerfully says "oh no I don't read books, I ment he was really nice and brilliant when I talked to him" and i go "WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT" and she thinks for a moment and goes "oh! BRICKS" WHAT IN THE WORLD YES NO THAT MAKES SENSE YOU GET TO WORK AND TALK WITH NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN AND YOU TALK ABOUT BRICKS? NO THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL I'M NOT MAD ".... it was what I was designing at the time, I needed to know what vibe the bricks should have. Anyway want to see the spinning fireplace I made for doctor who" WHAT THE FUCK.

@neil-gaiman do you remember any brick conversations by any chance

#Doctor who #Sherlock #David tennant #I'm losing it #neil gaiman #DAVID TENNANT JUST SAT DOWN NEXT TO HER AT LUCH AND SHE GOES OH YEAH HE WAS SUPER NICE. VERY TALL. ???? #anyway i- oh my god. #Let me just perish in peace #Just my cousin living my dream making art and vibing with Neil and David and her fucking bricks what the fuck #Good omens #Sorry this is a mess #I understand actors are still people I'm not saying they aren't but can you look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't be psyched #If you could have lunch with David tennant?

[frogchiro]

virgin sacrifice reader offered to war god ghost?? prepare to be his lovely wife instead of a sacrifice with at least 10 demigods running around, he wants to raise strong warriors!

Ghost would definitely be a god similiar to Ares; a god of war, brutality, bloodshed, masculinity and virility. Men go and pray by his shrine or in his dedicated temple to give them strength in both battle and bed, to be a strong and unbeatable warrior and be able to father strong, healthy children.

One such temple, the main one, is in a surprisingly remote location, surrounded not by a major city or capital but a few villages. According to myths it was this place where a brutal battle took place millenia ago where the fearsome god Ghost defeated an army all by himself, the blood of his slain enemies served to make the land fertile and for many villages to grow and prosper...until now.

Usually sacrifaces to appease the god would be made by the men of the villages; black stallions, the strongest bulls, wine, silver and pure steel, everything that has connections to masculinity and power, however some kind of horrible fatum seems to hang over your little village. The animals either die young or are sickly and weak, the wine turns out sour like vinegar, there in so money to buy anything either and it's taken as a curse by the elders. If nothing will be done and Ghost won't have his sacrifice who knows what will happen?

So they decide on the next best thing, a desperate last choice reach in hopes to appease the brutal god-a virgin sacrifice. The prettiest, unmarried and untouched young woman is to be chosen, dressed in the finest, gauzy silks and locked inside the stone temple in hopes that the god will come down and the blood of a slain virgin will calm his fury. Luck wasn't on your side it seems, you were chosen.

All you could remember were the desperate cries of your mother, the dissapointed remorseful look on your father's face and the ritual cleansing of the old crones in the village. You were cleaned in rose water, intricate patterns were drawn with a mixture of honey, mushed up berries and flowers on your breasts, around your nipples and bellybutton, and the most intricate was drawn on the place where your womb was. You were clothed in a white gauzy dress that was a symbol of your purity and then you were bound and dragged to the temple no matter how much you struggled and kicked and pleaded until you were finally locked in the dimly lit temple, only the many candles present to lighten the main chamber and to show the powerful, majestic sculpture of the god, Ghost.

Imagine crying yourself to sleep, everything hurt, you were scared and confused, all alone to die in this forsaken temple because some old men decided on it. Falling asleep out of exhaustion, the images of your crying, terrified mother haunting you even when sleeping.

Imagine waking up and instead of feeling cold and sore from sleeping on the unforgiving stone floor, and instead finding yourself laying on and under the most luxurious furs you've ever seen, the warmth of them felt like a blanket and the smell of them, pleasant warm masculine musk made a shiver run down your spine, just where were you?

Before you had the chance of looking around the room, you felt huge, strong arms clamping togehter around you and bringing you into a powerful, broad chest which rumbled with a growl like purr and a stern voice saying:

"Stay. Don't move around girl."

And the very same arms turned you gently around to face the man behind you and you couldn't help but gasp and breath out a tiny, frightened yelp-behind you was laying a man who looked like the stone sculpture of Ghost cane to life and became human. It...it was Ghost. You laid next to a god.

#kin speaks #asks #interactions #THIS IS SUCH A DELIGHTFUL ASK AND IDEA #sorry for this shitty ending but it was getting too long😭 #but i'm more than open to explore this more 💕💕 #god of war!ghost #cod x reader #cod mw x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley cod #simon ghost riley #simon riley

[pseudophan]

anthony is dead: the funeral roast (paid content)

#daniel howell #amazingphil #dan and phil #phan #smosh #anthony padilla #mine #my content #hi sorry i can't get a hold of the person who shared this clip with me so i don't feel comfortable posting it in full #however i'm not a good enough person to Not Gif It #so here u go here's a bit of it in gif form lol #i'm going to sleep i'm sure by the time i wake up the full video will be up #oh also oh my god this clip gives me such super amazing project vibes i almost cried #ok. anyway. it's 8:20am. im drunk still. goodnight im finally going to bed x

[nexus-nebulae]

shoutout to people who don't have a "before" the trauma.

shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.

you deserve a good future. i hope it's there for you soon.

#trauma #ptsd #childhood trauma #sorry just. feeling shitty about not having a past anymore #and please i'm so tired please for the love of god don't tag this with self deprecating shit like 'but i dont deserve anything' #you're only feeding into your mental health getting worse and you're using other peoples attempted positivity to do it #its just mean to both you and the op

[moodyseal]

I was poking fun at how unexpectedly silly the CHB kids looked in armour in the first two episodes of the PJO show (acting like an almighty army and all) and then it hit me. This is exactly how some of them will look like when they will be dying in the final battle. Silly. Tiny. Literal children

#i'm sorry i always knew that they were children but #when i read books the characters' ages. idk. don't really register completely #maybe it's because i know their internal pov and don't hear their voices or see them #but these are. 12 y/os #fighting things #and only now that i see an actual live action rendition of pjo do i realize the weight of it all #they're so young oh my god #percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv show #lonely thoughts

[jestarcana]

🎶 Oh, what a night 🎶

#shadowheart #karlach #wyll #lae'zel #astarion #alfira #akechi goro #kurusu akira #goro akechi #akira kurusu #bg3 #p5 #dark urge #tav #good god these tags i'm so sorry lmao #would you believe all of these things happened on the same long rest? #blood cw #bood tw

[spaciebabie]

2 ibuprofen and dick from that old man would fix me

#spacie spoinks #sorry my demons #my.head hurts #I've have a migraine for hours #god #nsft #I'm going 2 bed so I can sleep for 11 hours (again) #actually I changed my mind I'm not sorry Abt anything #I said what I said

[suiheisen]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank #he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :') #he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated #but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING #drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay... #also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger......... #geno kept Hovering in concern #po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog #ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both #also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited #anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a #long post #sidney crosby #evgeni malkin #pittsburgh penguins #also!!! to all who celebrate #ramadan kareem/eid mubarak #<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good

[ramjam-jamming]

Tails and Shadow... Friendship... Sort of

I can't stop thinking about them like xndkslsnmdk... I also plan on posting something MUCH ANGSTIER with them... sonic au let's go

#I'm still testing out ways of making these silly comics so sorry for the inconsistency lmao #fanart #shadow fanart #shadow the hedgehog #sonic fanart #sonic the hedgehog fanart #sonic fandom #miles tails prower #tails the fox #sonic and tails #sonic #tails fanart #NOT SHIP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.... #not ship

[hoegender]

why do we always seem to end up going in circles?

#god. i love her #sorry for being ia i was taking a break from comms and then state exam results crashed into my schedule #but here have best girl while i'm at it #black butler #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji fanart #elizabeth midford #ciel phantomhive #thihart

[hatedbyiife]

what happens when an interest crashes straight into my life whilst another, very intense interest is still ongoing? this, of course

(id in alt text)

no floating eyes version:

#tma #jonathan sims #the magnus archives #hades 2 #the archivist #odysseus hades 2 #odysseus #edit #honestly the dialogue here was what tipped me over #to actually edit this thing #kali edits #id in alt text #oh my god i'm so sorry i accidentally switched jon and odysseus' names in the alt text #it's fixed now

[cheekylittlepupp]

He'll be the death of me..

#astarion #bg3 #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 astarion #mims posts ~ #astarion screenshots #baldurs gate 3 #astarion bg3 #I'm sorry but this outfit is just... gods #Instert no lube no protection paragraph here #the urge to say goo goo gaga because of this outfit... its crazy

[adhd-merlin]

I was just thinking about how canon!merlin is basically incapable of being normal about arthur. and if they ever ended up together, I think he'd do something weird at least once at some point, like. just fucking bite arthur out of the blue while they're in bed or something. I'm not talking about a sexy bite either. I'm talking an "I've succumbed to the intrusive thoughts in my head" kind of bite. tell me I'm wrong

#I'm sorry. I don't entirely believe it either I just found the idea v funny #I'll delete this later probably #but merlin just. just chomping on arthur #for no good reason #that'd be funny #let him be weird!! #god let him be weird #he deserves it #merlin #merthur #txt

[54prowl]

think of a huge dumb idiot best friend who just manhandles you, curls his hand into your hair to pull you flush to his big warm chest as he comforts you, regaling you with a funny story that you can feel his laugh from his chest straight to your cheek. someone who can just lift and drop you off to move you out of the way, holding his hand behind him when walking in a crowd so you wouldn't get lost or crushed. just a big hunk of a man. and you're just friends. nothing sexual, nothing more than that. the casual intimacy is enough. until it isn't. aaaaa aaaaa aaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaaa

#ooc #I'm blushing thinking about it #god what!!!!!!!!!!! #sorry for the typo i didn't expect this to Blo Up