#if you kiss me then you are legally required to marry me

[shakesqueers13]

So let’s talk about (homo)sexuality during Shakespeare’s time and in his plays… (with a Shakespearean student, me!)

This is a divisive topic and some scholars have very Bad Takes on it, in my (also a scholar) opinion, so let's talk about it both from an evidence-based perspective, and a queer perspective.

The most important thing to note is that we cannot actually know what Shakespeare or any other Elizabethan citizen really thought about homosexuality and queer love. A lot of scholars acknowledge that fact and then make statements like ‘but they just didn’t think of sexuality like that!!’ but our not-knowing goes both ways. As a gay person, I find the assertion that people during this time period just didn’t feel homosexual love super offensive and ignorant, but at the same time, I know what they mean. So with that in mind, let’s talk about the facts…

Homosexuality was a well known of and partially accepted practice during this time. When I say partially accepted, I mean it was about as acceptable as it would be today at a Christian school in the heart of Texas. People knew about it, they knew people participated in it, but they didn’t like it and believed it went against God. But they felt that way about a lot of things! So when they passed The Buggery Act of 1533 (around 30 years before Shakespeare was born) it wasn’t really enforced. This act prohibited anal sex among any gender, or sex with animals. This law did not refer to gay people; rather just any sex not for the purpose of procreation, or anything that was not consensual.

Now a lot of homosexual practice at this point was unfortunately based on misogyny. Men in society were viewed as dominant and interesting while women were viewed as submissive and annoying. This is an unfortunate fact, but in order to discuss Elizabethan homosexuality in any capacity, we have to accept it for what it is; a reality. Because men generally didn't like women, they often sought out the company of other men in a well-accepted practice simply referred to as Male Friendship.

In male friendships, men would basically hang out together, kiss, cuddle, sleep in bed together, and profess their love for one another. If they had sex with each other, it would be viewed as immoral and wrong, but not unusual or even really cause for alarm. As I said above, sodomy laws were not really enforced during this time. There was no Elizabethan word for being gay or homosexual, and it was not publicly considered an identity or something you could be, rather just something you did. Regardless, even if men participated in these relationships, they still would've been expected to get married to a woman. Since marriage between men wasn't legal, people in society generally didn't consider the fact that two men could love one another. (Lesbian love or sex between women would've been so unthinkable at this point, there really isn't any information on it at all, unfortunately). However, with this, remember that we cannot know what individuals thought about these topics. It's totally possible that men might've fallen in love and wished to be marry, or even have considered themselves to be married. We just don't have that information because it would've been a secret.

So, there are certain contexts when erotic relationships between men would've been acknowledged and even accepted in certain circles, including theatrical ones! So these are the ones we see in Shakespeare's plays. One such context is in a youthful sense; young men were seen as full of life and passion - it's totally possible that they would've fooled around with their other male friends, and it would've been frowned upon, but assumed that they would grow out of it. Another context is in the derogatory sense; it's possible that once men were grown, their youthful same-sex exploits would be used to tease them. And finally, it would've been used in a predatory or immoral way, to represent corruption. This one requires more explaining. It's very important to remember that Shakespeare's plays had to go through the church and church censors. King Lear was censored during King George's reign, for example, and it did happen semi-frequently. So he could not portray explicit queer love on the stage in a positive light. What he could do is portray it in a negative light, which he sometimes did.

Was Shakespeare homophobic? Well, homophobia didn't exist during his time. Everyone was homophobic. Everyone was distasteful of gay people, even other gay people. It's not the best metaphor, but think about it like this; if you smoke cigarettes in today's day and age, you aren't going to go around telling everyone how much you love cigarettes and how great they are, or trying to convince others to try them. You're going to be probably a bit embarrassed and self-deprecating; you know it's wrong and bad for you, but you do it anyway because it feels good. Get it?

Was Shakespeare gay? He was definitely queer. The sonnets he wrote to men prove that, as well as the characters in his plays. But this isn't a biographical post, so let's talk about some literature.

Let's apply what we've learned so far to Shakespeare!

I'll provide an example for each of the above cases in Shakespeare's works.

First, let's talk about youthful 'male friendship' and homoeroticism in Hamlet, cause I know it's everybody's favorite on here.

Hamlet and Horatio's relationship has been speculated on sooo much, I feel like a bit of an exhibitionist once again holding up a microscope to it, but oh well.

Hamlet is a young, troubled protagonist who definitely commits worse crimes that sodomy over the course of five acts. Hamlet is often portrayed on stage as being in his late 20's or 30's, but we can't forget that in the text, him and Horatio are students, they're young! Teenagers or early 20's. The two of them are certainly close (closer than Hamlet is to any other character), and their relationship is reminiscent of the type of male friendship I was describing above.

In their first meeting onstage, Hamlet greets Horatio first, despite multiple people coming on stage at once. Let's break these first five lines down a little bit:

"HAMLET  I am glad to see you well.

 Horatio—or I do forget myself!

HORATIO The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever.

HAMLET Sir, my good friend. I’ll change that name with you. 170

And what make you from Wittenberg, Horatio?—"

(Hamlet, I.ii.165-170)

So, first off, Hamlet is glad to see Horatio, who he singles out from the group. He'll greet the others later, but first, he greets his good friend. Now, when Hamlet says, "or do I forget myself?" on a surface level, he's making sure he has Horatio's name right. Honestly, this is probably Shakespeare's way of introducing Horatio to the audience. A character needs a name - Horatio is introduced with the reference of his. But Hamlet's meaning has some wiggle room for interpretation - he doesn't say something to the effect of 'your name is Horatio right?" or even just, "or do I forget YOU." He says, "Do I forget myself."

(by the way, in Shakespeare studies, we never blame anything on the meter, meaning it isn't acceptable in a scholarly context to say "oh shakespeare just wrote it that way because 'my*self' is two syllables - Shakespeare is a better poet than that, absolutely nothing is without deeper meaning than just fitting the meter. This is proved by the amount of times that Shax breaks the meter to get a point across - he valued poetry above syllable count).

But I digress. Hamlet saying ' do I forget myself" carries a tremendous amount of weight. He's not being sincere in asking if he has Horatio's name right, he knows Horatio because Horatio is part of him. Just as he would not forget himself, he has not forgotten Horatio.

Now, to look at the next few lines, remember that Hamlet is a prince and Horatio is just Some Guy. During this time period, this would have been significant. Hamlet is choosing to be around Horatio - they aren't of the same class or wealth. So when Horatio refers to himself as Hamlet's "Poor servant ever," he's self-deprecating a little bit, but also addressing the elephant in the theater. Audiences at this time would question why Hamlet was hanging out with this random poor guy. Shakespeare explains with the next line.

"Sir, my good friend, I'll change that name with you." Okay. There's a lot to unpack here. "My good friend," is quite a statement to make. Friend didn't have quite the same implication back then that it does now - back then it would've meant more of 'a person who I am in proximity to and spend time with' than 'my buddy.' It didn't necessarily mean that people enjoyed each other's company. But Hamlet adds in the 'good,' which adds quite a bit of weight. He's using 'good' as a descriptor of Horatio's character here, not a description of the strength of their friendship. If anyone watches WWDITS, think of Lazlo saying, "My good lady wife, Nadja." Hamlet is saying he admires Horatio. He thinks Horatio is of good character, and therefore likes to spend time with him. AND THEN, Shakespeare just kicking me down the stairs and laughing as I fall, he hits us with the, "I'll change that name with you."

The name in question is "your poor servant ever," which means that Hamlet is basically saying, "I like you so much, you can be the prince and I'll be your servant." Which is a crazy thing for a prince to say! And there's really no reason for him to say it, unless him and Horatio were so intimately close that Hamlet truly meant it, which of course, he does.

So, if we're talking about male friendships that exceeds the typical bonds of normal acquaintance... I mean... need I explain further?

I will explain further.

Throughout the play, we see Ophelia as an acceptable love-interest for Hamlet. Even though they don't do very much romancing at all, but... that's okay. She's there, she 'proves' Hamlet's status as a heterosexual man, (and of course, she does much more than that. But for the sake of this analysis, we won't explore her character beyond this.) Despite Hamlet's affection for her, the person he confides to in the play is Horatio. This is unfortunately due to misogyny - women just really would not have been thought of as confidants and people who were able to give advice. But this doesn't invalidate the fact that Hamlet's usage of Horatio as a friend who is distinct from other friends, and who provides council like a partner would, does strongly imply a degree of homosexuality between them.

And of course, there's the blatant homosexuality in Hamlet's death scene, but we don't have time to unpack all of that! (It's been done many, many times, and I'm just providing an overview here.)

Now let's talk about the more derogatory usage of homosexuality using my favorite comedy, 'Much Ado about Nothing.'

In the first scene of the play, Beatrice discusses Benedict, who is coming home from war.

When she first mentions him, she says, "I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the wars or no?" (I.i.30).

'Mountanto' is a fencing term literally meaning an 'upward thrust,' your scholarly annotations won't tell you this, but really what she's doing is referencing the amount of sex Benedict had out on the road during the war. What kind of sex? Gay sex. Let me say more.

Later in the scene we get this gem of an exchange:

"MESSENGER And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE  And a good soldier to a lady, but what is he  to a lord?

MESSENGER  A lord to a lord, a man to a man, stuffed  with all honorable virtues.

BEATRICE  It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuffed  man, but for the stuffing—well, we are all mortal."

(Much Ado About Nothing, I.i.52-58)

Beatrice is making fun of Benedict; she doesn't like him, she's teasing him. First, she outwardly questions his relationships with men, acknowledging that he sleeps with a lot of women, but also suggesting that he sleeps with men. The messenger doesn't rise to her bait, he affirms Benedict's "honorable virtues" meaning that doesn't believe Benedict would've slept with men - he's too good. However, Beatrice plays off of his use of "stuffed" and elaborates that not only does Benedict have gay sex, but that's he's the one being penetrated during the gay sex, which would've been emasculating as men were assumed to be dominant. A stuffed man means she thinks he's a bottom. The layers of this gay sex joke have added years to my life. Absolutely hilarious.

Additionally, throughout the play, Benedict frequently mentions that he has no desire to marry a woman because he has no need. This is probably because he's content to fuck around with men for a while, and doesn't feel the need to marry a woman for sex. — He later marries a woman for love. Different story ;)

Finally, let's discuss the use of homosexuality as a form of corruption using my FAVORITE queer coded characters ever, Brutus and Cassius of Julius Caesar!

I just wrote an entire paper for school on how badly Brutus and Cassius want each other, so I have A Lot to say, but I'll restrain myself... deep breath...

The first conversation Brutus and Cassius have on stage is a seduction, literally. Cassius is seducing Brutus and pulling him away from Caesar, with compliments and promises. Brutus promises to consider Cassius's offer and walks away, but the next time we see them, things have Changed. Brutus says the following after him and Cassius talk to a third party (Casca):

"BRUTUS Tomorrow, if you please to speak with me,  I will come home to you; or, if you will,  Come home to me, and I will wait for you."

(Julius Caesar, I.ii.316-319).

I mean, what can I say about this beyond the obvious. They're going home to each other. Brutus's corruption directly corresponds with his physical descent into moral depravity (homosexuality).

And then, once Brutus leaves the sage, Cassius says this:

(Cassius, continued): For who so firm that cannot be seduced? Caesar doth bear me hard, but he loves Brutus.  If I were Brutus now, and he were Cassius,  He should not humor me."

(Julius Caesar, I.ii.324-327).

Cassius is a manipulator, we know that. He draws the "honorable" Brutus to betray his friend and commit an act of evil. All with the power of homosexuality :).

Once he succeeds in this, we get the infamous Tent Scene. Act 4, scene 3. Folks, I think about this scene every day. If you've read the book 'If We Were Villains,' that author does a fun job of explaining this scene, I like the way she calls it a lovers spat.

Brutus realizes that Cassius seduced him for the purpose of corrupting him, and is heart broken. Somebody PLEASE ask me to do a line-by-line breakdown of this scene, because nothing would make me happier. But for now, like I said, I'll restrain myself.

As Brutus and Cassius, fight, we get this exchange:

"BRUTUS  Peace, peace! You durst not so have tempted (Caesar). CASSIUS  I durst not? BRUTUS  No. CASSIUS  What? Durst not tempt him? BRUTUS  For your life you durst not. CASSIUS  Do not presume too much upon my love.  I may do that I shall be sorry for."

(Julius Caesar, IV.iii.66-73)

Brutus is betrayed, and feels that Cassius never would've (sexually) tempted Caesar the way he did to Brutus. Brutus feels like he got played. But Cassius, while threatening Brutus, takes time to reaffirm that he loves Brutus! His feelings are real; this is part of what unfortunately categorizes him as a villain. He is unflinchingly gay for Brutus.

Later in this same scene, we get another notable exchange:

"CASSIUS   I denied you not. BRUTUS  You did. CASSIUS I did not. He was but a fool that brought My answer back. Brutus hath rived my heart.  A friend should bear his friend’s infirmities,  But Brutus makes mine greater than they are. BRUTUS  I do not, till you practice them on me. CASSIUS  You love me not. BRUTUS  I do not like your faults."

(Julius Caesar, IV.iii.90-100)

Sigh. Okay, this is... this is maybe Shakespeare's most romantically gay scene ever. And this is what makes gay corruption in Shakespeare so awesome; under the guise of painting Cassius as more and more evil, Shakespeare can be pretty explicitly gay!!

"Rived" means broken in old English. With his withdrawal of love, Brutus as broken Cassius's heart. Again, as I said above, 'friend' meant something different back then. Here, Cassius is using it in the Male Friendship sense, much like Hamlet did. This section is just so romantic, it breaks my heart. The fact that just like Cassius did, Brutus takes time to remind Cassius that he still loves him (even though he dislikes Cassius's faults) is so sweet. I love this passage. I could talk abut it forever.

So there we go! Some background and some examples for you!!

Please comment with your thoughts, I would love to discuss.

Works consulted:

Primarily just years of studying Shakespeare, but more specifically:

Homosexual desire in Shakespeare's England : a cultural poetics : Smith, Bruce R., 1946- : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Much Ado About Nothing - Entire Play | Folger Shakespeare Library

https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/julius-caesar/read/

https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/hamlet/read/

#shakespeare #william shakespeare #hamlet #hamlet and horatio #julius caesar #dark academia #hamlet x horatio #if we were villains #gay pride!!! #academia #literature #gay literature #queer community #shakespeare shitposting #shakespeare plays #shakespeare quotes

[corvase]

when in doubt fake a marriage! prompts

feel free to use:)

“let’s get married.” “… ok…” “OK????”

character a kneeling down like “will you ma—“ and character b like “get up.”

rather than strangers to fake lovers, best friends to fake lovers or coworkers (!!!) to fake lovers

what if one of them just put up a tinder account solely for attracting someone to beg them to be in a fake relationship with them

“we need a reason, though. my parents won’t be too approving of us living together if—“ “what if we got married?”

“what’s the timeline?” “let’s say we met.. nine months ago.” “woah… suspicious.”

how well do they work together? do they like each other? hate each other? indifferent? and if so, what makes them begin to see the other in a new light?

they’re at an event together and one offers the other food not knowing they’re allergic so now they have to explain why their spouse wouldn’t know their allergies

they choose to get married because both their families are pressuring them

they choose to get married because they need that requirement for a certain benefit, etc

“why do you keep looking at me like that?” “no reason… the dress is just.. you’re just…” “i mean, it was from party city, but thank you.”

“thank you for thinking of me… even if this isn’t real.”

a sudden “what if we got married?” and a “…… it scares me that that was the first solution you could think of.” response

the first time their called by the others’ last name

“oh my gosh i just lied to your parents. i never lie to parents. i feel sick. they were so kind.” “breathe.”

“oh. you got me flowers. wow.” “you are my spouse, aren’t you?”

“does this mean anything to you like… truly, at all?”

the moment they walk down the aisle and neither are in love just yet so they’re both thinking “i can’t believe this is my life🙁”

“let’s pretend to be married.” “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND????”

a confession like “i love you.” and a blank stare in response so they go “no like, for real. like actually. like i genuinely love you.”

“sorry… my family can be a bit much.” “no, i love them.”

“ok but how do i explain to my fake husband that i want him to be his real wife who got married with real vows and stuff?”

one character whispering to the other while they’re asleep, “i want this so badly to be real.”

the wedding night… i won’t elaborate

the first time they kiss and why… how is it explained away? is it even acknowledged?

“i want to marry you, for real.”

“i think you’re the most radiant person i’ve seen ever. i’m glad i married you.” “the first or second time?”

a scene where they discuss the logistics; are they actually legally getting married? if so are they living together? splitting bills? what about transportation? consider all these things :)

#i’m having too much fun with my titles #fake marriage prompts #fake dating prompts #fake marriage #writeblr #writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing romance #writing prompts #romance prompts #dialogue prompts #romance writing prompts #imagine your otp #imagine your ship #ship prompts #fake dating au #fake marriage au #romance aus

[tswaney17]

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 47

Hello my lovelies. 😍 The next part is here. Only 2 more and an epilogue to go!! 🎉

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW (minor descriptions)

Word Count: 6,988

Azriel reached across the center console to take his wife’s hand. At his touch, she turned her head and offered him the most brilliant smile.

They were on their way to look at the house Amren found, his stomach a tangle of knots and nerves. When they bought the house in the Summer District, it was more about convenience and nice haves. It wasn’t a house they would live in for long periods, so it didn’t matter if it lacked certain things—though there was very little he would change if he were being honest with himself.

But this house was to be their home. This would be where they lived for a good portion, if not, their entire lives. This would be where they raised their children. Unlike their vacation home, this house had some requirements. Okay, extensive requirements, but he couldn’t put a price on the happiness of his family or their safety.

“Are you nervous?” Elain asked, sweeping her thumb over the backside of his fingers.

He glanced at her before returning his eyes to the road. “A bit. I want this house to be perfect.”

She laughed a breathy sound that made him fall in love with her more and more every time he heard it. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think that the perfect house truly exists.”

“It can be updated to be perfect,” he told her, feeling her questioning gaze on his profile. “If we decide to buy this place, I need you to tell me about anything and everything you want to be changed or modified. I have a team on standby to make updates.”

Elain’s hand ran over her rounded belly. “I don’t think we’d even have time for that, get moved in and settled, build the nursery—”

“They could have it done in a matter of days, love.”

She looked at him then. “What if I wanted a wall taken out to open up the floor plan and an entirely new floor put in throughout the whole house?”

A grin turned up his lips. “It’ll be done within four to five days.”

He didn’t need to look at her to know her jaw was hanging open. “You have an atrocious amount of money,” she muttered.

At that, he chuckled, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss the back of her knuckles. “We,” he corrected, “have an atrocious amount of money.” No matter how many times she’d call it his, Az would correct her immediately. Maybe one day she’d get out of that habit and remember that everything he owned, especially now that they were married, was hers too. Both mentally and legally. Frankly, Az started viewing the penthouse as her home the day she moved in with him before they were even together. But until that day, he would just continue to remind her that what was his was also hers.

Elain huffed in exasperation.

They drove out past the city limits where houses became few and far between. One of the things Azriel had requested was privacy and security. He wanted the home to not be in close range of neighbors. “Everybody is always in everybody’s business,” he had said and his wife agreed. Next was security. The home needed some defensible space and was fenced off in some manner. Security cameras could be added to monitor the yard, and a private entrance to even get onto the property was also necessary.

He pulled the car into the drive of a closed, rod iron gate, rolled down his window, and typed the code Amren had given him into the little keypad. Groaning, the metal doors slid open, allowing the car to pass through. The entire property was protected by a concrete, sound barrier, which did a lot to ease his anxiety about letting his kids run free in the yard.

“It’s beautiful,” Elain breathed, leaning forward to take in the massive trees that lined the driveway. Branches over-reached in the canopy, creating an arch-like effect leading up to the sprawling, two-story home.

She gazed at him in awe as they pulled out in front of the house, parking behind Amren’s sleek-black car. Their realtor stood at the bottom of the wrap-around porch; a small force of nature that very few barely five-foot people could obtain. Amren had a way about her that made even the scariest of men cower.

They climbed out of the car, Elain moving slower at six months pregnant, while he unclipped Kaden from his car seat, setting him on the ground and taking his small hand in his.

“Where are we, Azweel?” his son asked, looking up at the dark blue door and side windows. His big green and gold eyes glanced up at him like he was the most important thing in the world.

Azriel’s heart soared in his chest from that look alone. “We’re looking at this house to see if we want to live here.” He squeezed his small hand, hoping to send his excitement down to the little guy.

But Kaden took one look at Amren and immediately tucked himself into Az’s leg, his fingers clutching the denim of his jeans.

Chuckling at the dramatic effect Amren had on him, he lifted Kaden onto his hip, his son burying his face into his neck and wrapping his arms around him in a vice-like grip. He was much heavier now than when they first brought him home, having packed on some healthy weight. It brought him such joy to see Kaden eating like a growing child should, asking for seconds when he cleaned his plate of everything they put on it. He was turning into such a curious kid too, always questioning things. Azriel loved being his father, even if he still didn’t call him as such. However, something in his gut told him that he was close to blessing Az with a fatherly name.

Elain waddled up to his side and took his hand in hers, noting how their son was reverting to his old habits in Amren’s presence. It had been years since the two women had seen each other. Amren wasn’t always present during their get-togethers in high school and went off on some adventure after graduating. To this day, he still couldn’t tell you where she went, only that she wound up with a realtor’s license and had been owning the industry ever since.

She eyed his wife, from her make-up-free face to her rounded stomach. “Elain. Good to see you again.”

Elain smiled. “You as well.”

“Amren,” he greeted, having been ignored completely. “Pleasure as always.”

Those slit eyes finally settled on him. “Family life suits you, Azriel.”

The statement took him by surprise, but he nodded his head in thanks anyway.

“The house,” Amren waved her hand behind her, “was built in the 1950s. It’s your traditional, white-picket-fence home, perfect for growing families. It’s been with the same family since its establishment and has gone through extensive remodels in the last ten years, the most recent being just over a year ago. The inside is modernized but still has the touches of originality in a bit of the structure.” She began walking up the front porch steps, indicating that they should follow. “The security wall was completed last year, which provides ample privacy and protection, as per your request. While the gate is rod iron, it can be updated to something solid to prevent any prying eyes.”

Elain glanced at him. “I kind of liked the gate, myself. It gave it some old charm.”

“I agree,” he said, running a thumb over the back of her knuckles.

“Now,” Amren turned to unlock the front door, “inside has a grand entryway—”

“Pardon me, Amren,” Elain spoke, interrupting whatever their realtor was about to say. “I don’t mean to be rude, but do you think we could tour the house by ourselves? Kaden is a bit nervous around strangers and I’d like for him to be a part of this process.”

He saw the snipe on the tip of her tongue, but before she could voice it, he spoke her name, the warning clear in his tone.

Amren sighed. “Of course. I’ll be in the backyard when you’re ready to go over things.” She opened the door, disappearing inside.

Once they were alone again, Azriel slid Kaden back to his feet between them, each taking one of his hands. He leaned over to kiss Elain’s cheek. “Ready, wife?”

Her answering smile stopped and restarted his heart. Fuck, he loved that woman.

They entered a large open foyer. Gorgeous grey, wooden floors greeted them, extending throughout the house. The walls, white featuring wainscoting gave off that originality vibe that Amren had discussed and Az was sure the house had been built with it. Just off the entryway was the staircase, which separated the living areas with the kitchen, living room, and formal dining room on the right side of the house, and then the den, library, and game room on the left.

Elain stepped forward, taking him and Kaden with her. “It feels so open,” she murmured, looking up at the wooden banister that lined the second-floor landing and hallway.

“The half bath is under the staircase,” he indicated with a nod of his head. “The six bedrooms and three full baths are upstairs.”

They toured the first floor of the house, finding the pristine, white and blue kitchen with a full breakfast bar, and a nook for a round table that they would eat at as a family. A large fireplace dominated the living area, creating this cozy vibe that Azriel knew Elain loved. After making rounds through the other rooms it was decided that Az would take the den as his home office.

“I plan to be working more from home after I return from my paternity leave,” he had told her.

Elain couldn’t mask her surprise. “You want to remote?”

He nodded. “I know we’ve discussed extensively about getting a nanny to at least help watch the kids once we’re both fully back at work, rather than sticking them in daycare, and I think I’d be more comfortable being present even if they’re vetted to the fullest extent.”

She ran a hand over her pregnant belly. “I can’t say I’m surprised by that, truthfully. Or that I’m opposed. I’ll admit I’m a little nervous about letting someone else care for the kids, especially with the life we live.”

Az cradled her face in his palms. “Believe me when I say our children will never be left alone with somebody we did not fully trust. Any person who wants to be a part of our lives will go through various background checks, rounds of interviews, and be bound by a contract. Their safety is my utmost priority, my love.”

He meant it too. Azriel would burn the world to ashes when it came to his wife and children. He didn’t care who went down with it just as long as they were safe.

Like Elain could read his every thought, she tucked herself into his body, kissing him softly.

As they moved further along and up the stairs, Kaden began to get more comfortable, running into each of the bedrooms.

His wife smiled at their son. “Which bedroom do you want, sweetheart?”

He turned to look at them, tapping his chin in contemplation. And then promptly pointed to the double doors at the end of the hallway, proudly announcing, “That one!”

They both laughed, Elain reaching out to ruffle his unruly hair. “Sorry, sweetheart. That’s Momma and Daddy’s bedroom. What about one of these?” she asked, pointing to the other rooms that were not the master.

Little feet took off down the hallway, inspecting each of the smaller, though not small at all, bedrooms. And then he peeked out of the doorway from one of the rooms next to theirs. “Can I have this one?” His lower lip jutted out in that puppy-dog look that Azriel could not resist.

“Of course, you can, son,” he said earning a shout of glee before Kaden disappeared into the bedroom again.

Elain waddled over to the room across, glancing inside. “I think we could make this one the nursery. I was thinking it might be better to do one nursery for them both, separate cribs, of course, but then everything is centralized. I don’t want to have to go from one room to another to nurse them in the middle of the night.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, palms spreading along the underneath side of her belly and gently lifted.

His wife moaned at the relief in her back, head falling against his shoulders. “Az.” Her breath turned heavy, the sounds she made making his cock hard in his pants. It should not turn him on, but Az knew Elain’s body ached a lot and when he did this for her, she turned into a mewling mess as if he was pleasuring her.

Pressing his lips into her neck, he began to slowly lower her pregnant stomach back down, but she gripped his arm, nails digging into the scarred flesh. “Just a few more seconds,” she whimpered, taking every ounce of relief she could get.

He kissed her sweetly, giving her what she wanted. “I got you, love,” Az whispered into the shell of her ear, delighting in the way goosebumps broke out across her soft skin.

When she finally gave him the okay, he carefully released her, his hands catching on the swells of her hips and squeezing. “I think a joint nursery is a wonderful idea. Then we can turn the next two rooms into their bedrooms once they’re toddlers and need their own space.”

She went languid in his arms, leaning heavily into his embrace. “We could put the cribs in either corner over there,” she pointed. “And then the changing table between them under the window. A rocking chair in that corner.” Elain twisted slightly, reaching out to brush her fingers along the wall. “And a dresser here.”

Azriel grazed his lips over the curve of her jaw. “And the color scheme?”

Elain was still looking at the blank wall where she indicated the dresser should go. “Actually, I was thinking perhaps Feyre could paint something for us. Maybe something forestry with cute animals peeking out behind the trees. At dusk, the sky shaded in beautiful blues, pinks, and oranges.

His smile pressed into her neck. “Like our wedding,” he said.

Her fingers ghosted over his arms, still wrapped around her. “I thought it might be a sweet testament to us in here too.”

“I love it. It’ll be perfect.” Turning her in his arms, Az brought her lips to his in a slow, sweet kiss. She melted into him, sighing into his mouth in bliss. It was tender and gentle and full of so much love, it felt as if his heart would beat its way out of his chest.

He could’ve spent the rest of the day standing there, kissing his perfect wife, but the sound of little feet followed by a “Momma!” pulled them apart, just in time to see Kaden dash into the room.

Elain tucked herself into his side, facing their son. “What is it, sweetheart?”

“Momma, there’s a pool!”

Her face morphed into astonishment. “There is? Well, let’s go see it.”

Az chuckled at his wife’s antics, taking her arm by the elbow and following their son down the hallway. “Kaden, can you swim?” he asked, genuinely curious. There hadn’t been an opportunity to determine that since his adoption.

The little guy turned on the step. “No.”

Elain glanced at him. “He’ll need to take swim lessons soon.”

But Azriel was already pulling his phone from his pocket, going to the notes section where he kept track of things and added a comment about swim school. He used it to monitor Kaden’s progress in school, already seeing a huge difference since he started class and working with his speech therapist. There were reminders for teacher conferences, and appointments, links to things he wanted to buy for his birthday that were more appropriate once they moved, and things he needed to look into.

Brown eyes peeked at his phone, the corner of her mouth lifting. “You’re an excellent father, Az,” Elain whispered, kissing his cheek once they reached the bottom of the stairs and made their way out to the backyard.

The words were still sometimes a shock to hear, both because he never thought he’d ever get to be a father, and that he’d be good at it. “Don’t get too close to the pool, Kaden,” he shouted when his son got near the edge.

Ever the good listener, he took a step back, peering closely at the turquoise waters.

“We’ll definitely need to get him into those lessons sooner rather than later,” Elain said quietly, watching how their curious son inspected the pool.

He grunted his agreement, taking in the entirety of the backyard. The back patio was covered by a structured overhang, large enough to house an entire patio set including outdoor couches and a full table. A huge yard awaited them down the single step from the patio deck. The pool was surrounded by concrete to fit multiple lounge chairs and featured a rock waterfall and diving board.

Carefully, Az guided Elain onto the grass to get a better view.

“We could put in a play structure over there,” Elain said with a point of her finger toward the small patch of grass on the other side of the pool. Her head twisted to look in the direction of the yard. “I know the kids will want to eventually put a treehouse up in that tree there. And a tire swing,” she smiled. “Oh, I think they’d love that.”

Azriel kissed the side of her head. “What else can you picture?”

Her eyes landed on the small shed. “That could be expanded a bit to become your working shed.” She looked up at him then. “I know you used to love tinkering around when you worked at the mechanic’s shop in high school. It’d be great for you.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Love, everything you just said was for either the kids or myself. What, out here, would you like for yourself?”

Elain’s head cocked to the side, her confusion shown in the furrow of her brows. “I have everything I could ever want right here.” The words were spoken so softly, that he almost missed them, but he understood her intent. Them—meaning him and the kids—were the only things that mattered to her.

And he just couldn’t accept that. “El, this is your home too. I want you to have a space just as much as the rest of us.” When he saw the rebuttal forming on her lips, he silenced her with a look, taking her hand, fingers lacing, and walked her through the yard towards the side of the house. “When we sat down together and discussed our needs and wants for the house, I was surprised that there was not something specific on the list for you. Something I truly expected to see. So, when we finished, before I sent the list to Amren, I added something for you.”

They reached a small gate, coming up to just below the chests. Az reached over to unlatch it, opening the door for her and escorting her into, well, it was a dirt patch with two raised planter boxes.

Elain gasped, hand reaching out to cover her mouth as she realized what he was showing her.

“In high school, you had always said you wanted a house with a garden that you could maintain. So, I made sure to add a gardening area to the list and brought it to the top as a requirement.”

“Az,” she breathed, looking at him with tears shining.

He guided her over to the large, concrete-built boxes. “I thought these could be used for growing vegetables, herbs, and spices,” he told her, having already imagined what she would build. “You could line the wall with roses. And perhaps a garden path in the back. There’s plenty of room for it. Even a water fountain of some sort if you’d like.” He turned to face her, cupping her cheek in his scarred palm; his thumb brushed away a stray tear. “I know we’ve got a lot going on right now, and that this may not be a project to tackle till after the twins are born, but this area will remain untouched until you decide what to do with it. As long as it’s for you. I don’t want you to try and expand the kids’ area here. They have plenty of room. This is solely for you. Whatever your heart desires, it’ll be yours, Elain.”

She was full-on sobbing now, clutching him as much as her protruding stomach would allow. “Azriel, I love it,” she cried. “I love this house. I love the property. But most of all, I love you, for even thinking about me like this. For gifting this to me.”

His grip on her face tightened. “You have given me everything, Elain. You, and Kaden, and the twins,” he laid his hand on her belly, just in time to feel one of the babies kick, “you’re my everything. And I want this to be our home where we raise our children.”

Elain was already nodding, a grin overtaking her beautiful features. “I want that too, Az.”

He smiled softly at her, bringing her mouth to his for a sweet kiss. “Then let’s go put in an offer.”

~~~~~

Two, short weeks later, they got the keys to the house. Since the day they put in an offer, everything had been a whirlwind. Amren had told them the owners already received three offers prior to their showing, so Azriel being Azriel, swooped in with one at fifty thousand more than the asking price. Elain still had whiplash with how quickly he placed it on the table, not even having determined what the other bids were for.

“My wife wants this house,” he had said to their realtor. “We’re going to get it.” And that had been the end of it.

The sale closed and they were moving in. Or had been the last few days. Since their offer was accepted, she and Azriel had been non-stop packing at the penthouse, going through things that they could get rid of, and determining what they needed to purchase.

The kitchen in the house now featured brand-new state-of-the-art appliances. They ditched the leather couch in favor of something more family-friendly and comfortable, especially with Elain now seven months pregnant. Azriel would do anything to make sure she was as comfortable as possible, which was difficult since she was a beached whale with legs.

They unpacked essential rooms first, the kitchen, Kaden’s, and then their own. While they hired an official moving company for the furniture, the unboxing was up to them.

Moving was such a chore, but moving while heavily pregnant, well, Elain was over it hence why she was “taking a break” in the grey rocking chair, per her husband’s request while he worked on putting together the few things they had purchased for the nursery.

She ran a hand over her protruding belly as she watched Azriel attempt to build the first crib. He was sitting on the floor, his tool kit spread around him, looking so out of character that she couldn’t help but giggle.

The noise had him glancing up at her. “What’s so funny?” he asked, cocking a curious brow at her.

She grinned. “You look so out of sorts right now. I’ve never seen you so disorganized.”

He huffed a laugh. “I’m pretty sure these directions are in a different language.”

“I’m sure Cassian could’ve helped you. He put together Sutton’s crib and it was fairly similar, if not the same, as these two.”

Azriel glared at her affectionately. “I don’t need Cassian’s help. I’m perfectly capable of putting together the cribs for my children.”

Elain rolled her eyes, muttering “stubborn man” under her breath.

“I heard that,” he said, not bothering to look up from the document in his hand.

“I wasn’t trying to be subtle,” she admitted, pushing herself up from the rocker. The world swayed and Elain felt her knees start to give out on her.

Azriel dropped the screwdriver from his fingers, jumped to his feet to grab her by the elbow, and drew her into the safety of his arms. A swear word passed his lips, attracting the attention of their son who had been driving his little trucks on the floor, oblivious to the world.

“El, love, are you all right?” Worried, hazel-colored eyes, flecked with strands of green and gold, peered down at her.

Azriel’s level of fussiness since she had gotten pregnant amplified ten-fold. And while it normally made her huff in annoyance—she was carrying two babies, not an invalid—this time, she was grateful for it, knowing she would’ve hit the ground if he didn’t have the reflexes he possessed. “Just got a little lightheaded is all.”

His eyes flicked over her face. “Maybe you should lie down for a bit.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I’m fine, Az,” she told him, attempting to pull herself from his embrace, but he refused to let go.

“If the doctor thought you were fine, she wouldn’t have ordered you off work and recommended bed rest already. This doesn’t look like bed rest.”

Elain sighed in frustration, knowing he would’ve used that against her. Her blood pressure had risen too high and her OBGYN was concerned about preeclampsia, which, all right, was a valid concern. But it didn’t negate how much they still had to do before the babies’ arrival. Not to mention the baby shower coming up next month.

“Azriel, there’s too much to do,” she all but whined. “There’s still nursery furniture to put together, and then determine what else I will need to purchase tomorrow at the baby store. I have two boxes of baby things that need to get unloaded in the dresser once it’s finished.” She had begun nesting over the last two weeks, buying an assortment of items for the twins already. “Kaden has a box of summer clothes that need to be put away. I’ve got two boxes in the kitchen still waiting for me. And—”

“All of which,” he interrupted, “I can take care of. The furniture shouldn’t take me too much longer, then I’ll start unboxing things while you nap.” Az brushed his thumb across her cheek. “I know you want it to be finished, love. I get that. But rushing to do it this instant isn’t going to help with your blood pressure.” He leaned in for a soft kiss, effectively melting away her desire to rebuttal. “Everything will be done before their arrival. I promise you.”

Elain knew he was right, but it was that motherly instinct growing inside of her that wanted to get things taken care of now.

Before she could voice her insistence, Azriel said, “I’m not asking you, Elain. I’m telling you.”

Her gaze narrowed at the command, hating that he knew she’d comply when he used that tone with her. She huffed out an exasperated breath. “Fine! You win. Only for an hour though.”

His grin turned infectious and it took all her willpower to resist its charm. “Of course. Only an hour,” he repeated unconvincingly as he guided her from the nursery and toward their bedroom.

“I mean it, Azriel. One hour. Singular. I want you to wake me up after.”

“Promise.” The glint in his eye told her he was lying and she muttered some curse words under her breath knowing there was no chance in hell that he’d be waking her after an hour if she was still soundly sleeping. He pulled the sheets back, tucking them over her once Elain climbed into their bed, curling up on her side. “Sleep well, my love.”

But she was already gone; the raging storm outside pulling her into a blissful slumber.

~~~~~

Azriel was finishing up getting ready for bed, his wife already lying down and waiting for him. He spent the majority of the day building the nursery and unpacking the kitchen so they could eat a proper meal. Despite how much their son loved eating pizza the last two nights, he knew his wife and the children she carried needed proper nutrition.

A smile turned up the corner of his lips at the thought of how Kaden had been so concerned over his mother earlier that day. Bless his heart. He followed them into their bedroom when Elain went to lie down for a nap, concern shining in his green and gold eyes. “Is momma sick?” he’d asked him as Azriel lifted him into his arms and carried him from the room.

“No, bud. Momma’s just tired. She’s growing your brother and sister in her tummy and it makes her sleepy.” He kissed his dark hair, dropping him off in his bedroom to play while he finished up his work.

When Az went to check on his wife later, he found their son curled up against her chest, sound asleep.

Rain crashed heavily against the windows, lights flickering in response.

“The storm is getting worse,” Elain mentioned as he entered their bedroom. Her eyes were on the balcony doors, lightning flashing across the sky. “I hope it passes by morning so I can get to the baby store. I want to finish the nursery by this weekend.”

Winter was in full effect if this storm was anything to go by. “I wish I could go with you guys tomorrow.” Azriel had a check-in with Tarquin and a planning session with his executives tomorrow that he was unfortunately unable to get out of. The Moonbeam twins would be escorting Elain and Kaden to Hewn City so she could purchase the last of the nursery items, and he hated the fact that he could not be there with them, especially with them going into Hewn City territory.

She turned to look at him, hearing the unspoken thoughts running through his head. He was worried, of course, he was. His wife was seven months pregnant for fucks sake and Kaden was going with her without his protection. It put him on edge. She reached out a hand for him. “C’mere, my love.”

He went willingly, crawling over her body and kissing her first on her belly, and then again on her lips. Az had taken to kissing all his babies goodnight recently, including his wife. “You need to be safe tomorrow. Anything you feel is off, come straight home.”

Elain’s lips quirked up. “You’re so fussy,” she teased, kissing the corner of his mouth. “We’ll be fine. Fen and Con are both nearly as protective as you over me and Kaden. Nothing’s going to happen, but I promise you we will come home if anything feels off.”

“Nobody is as protective of you two as me, but that does make me feel a smidge better,” he said, making her chuckle. Az attached his mouth to the junction where her neck and shoulder met, letting his tongue swipe over her sensitive skin. As predicted, her body shuddered, a delicate moan slipping past her sweet lips. “Fuck, you sound so pretty when you make little noises like that,” he groaned, nipping at her throat.

Her fingers traced up the swirling ink of his biceps.

They had only been able to christen the new house a handful of times since they moved in, Elain being far too tired in the evenings for anything other than sleeping. But it seemed that her nap earlier that day abated her need for sleep that evening as she arched her body into his.

“Azriel,” she sighed when he licked the sensitive spot behind her ear. She slid her hands into his hair, mussing the dark locks at his nape.

Slipping his shirt from her body—they’d become a staple for her to wear at night this late in her pregnancy—Az used his mouth to map her pale flesh, dutifully avoiding her breasts and nipples knowing they were extra sensitive now and typically caused more pain than pleasure.

He kissed his way down the valley of her breasts, over the swell of her stomach, growing with life, until he reached just above her slit, groomed to her liking with his help. And just when he was about to taste the sweet wetness between her thighs, they heard it.

The sound of Kaden’s door opening and his little feet padding quickly to their bedroom door.

Azriel glanced up at his wife with his mouth hovering over her just as their doorhandle jiggled—thank god he locked the door before crawling into bed.

“Daddy!” Kaden called out.

Az was pretty sure his heart stopped at the name. Kaden just called him Daddy.

Elain was staring at him with tears glistening in her eyes.

Stunned, it took Kaden’s next cry to snap him into action. Because that was a cry of distress. “Daddy!”

Shoving himself off the bed, Azriel grabbed Elain’s t-shirt and tossed it to her. “I’m coming, buddy,” he called out.

“Hurry!”

Panic flooded his blood, filling him with an overwhelming need to remove whatever had terrified his son. He quickly made his way to the bedroom door in his boxers, unlocking and throwing it open.

His son crashed into his legs, face wet with tears. “He tried to grab me!” he burst out, clinging to Az’s knee.

He wasted no time in sweeping him into his arms, shutting the door, and relocking it. “You’re okay, Kaden,” he cooed, patting his back. “You’re safe.” He met his wife’s fearful gaze, carrying their son onto their bed. “What happened Bubba?” he asked, voice soft.

Kaden sniffled, burying his face into the crook of Azriel’s neck, his tears dampening his bare skin. “He tried to grab me,” his son repeated, terrified.

“Who, Kaden?” Elain asked, reaching out to rub his back.

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I saw his hand.” His head tipped back and he peeked up at his father’s face. “Don’t let him take me,” he cried, lower lip wobbling.

Lightning cracked outside illuminating their bedroom and causing Kaden to whimper in fear, tucking himself further into Azriel’s embrace. He hugged his son, comforting him and whispering words of encouragement into his hair. “Nobody is going to take you away from us, buddy. I promise you, you’re safe here.”

Azriel had no desire to step away right then, knowing that his son needed him and his presence, but he needed to confirm there wasn’t anyone in the house. He looked at Elain who nodded in understanding and reached out to take their son from his arms.

“Come here, sweetheart.”

Kaden went willingly into her embrace, Elain shuffling him in her lap so his head was faced away from Azriel while he opened his nightstand drawer, tapped his four-digit code into the small gun safe he kept there, and pulled out his nine-mil, clipping in the magazine.

“I’m going to sweep the house,” he said, grabbing the bedroom key and making his way to the door, gripping the handle. “Stay here.”

Azriel started in Kaden’s room, checking every nook and cranny for anything amiss, but found nothing. The window was shut tight and locked, the closet empty of everything but clothing and boxes, nothing under his bed but a stray toy or two. Then he moved to the nursery, followed by the other bedrooms that were currently being used as storage and the bathrooms.

He made his way downstairs, sweeping the entirety of it. Az knew nobody had slipped out through a door or window, all of them were set to chime if opened and he would’ve heard that. Confused, he slipped the gun into the back of his boxers, returning to his son’s bedroom to determine what, exactly, had set him off. He stood for a few minutes, listening to the rain crash outside, and just as he was about to leave, he heard it.

The branch from the tree outside smacked into the window from a gust of wind, scraping against the glass. Lightning flashed, lighting up the room and he caught the shadow of the branch on the wall above Kaden’s bed. It looked like a disfigured hand reaching out. Realization dawned on him at what had terrified his son.

Slipping back into their bedroom, he found Elain still cradling Kaden to her chest.

She looked up at him with worried eyes and he shook her head, easing her concerns. Casually, she placed her hand on the side of Kaden’s face, covering it while Az removed the clip from his gun and replaced it in the safe.

They both agreed that if he kept a gun in the house, which, they needed given the threats they still faced, it had to be unloaded and locked away somewhere where the kids would never be able to get into. Azriel had picked a random set of numbers as the combination and verbally spoke them to Elain should she ever need to open the box. They had gone back and forth on the location of the small safe, but ended up deciding closer access to the bed was likely more ideal in an urgent situation.

“I promise you that he will never see it unless we’re under some sort of attack and I have to defend this family.” He cupped her face between his palms, letting his touch soothe her anxieties. “But I will do everything in my power to make sure that Kaden, and the rest of our children, will not be exposed to the violence my life brings. That is my promise to you.”

“There’s nobody in the house,” he said, closing the drawer of his night table. Padding his way around the bed, Az lifted Kaden into his arms, kissing his temple. “I want to show you something,” he murmured, carrying his son out of the room and back to his.

Kaden’s hold tightened around his neck and shoulders.

“You’re safe, son,” he breathed, tucking him closer to his chest as he made his way to the window. “Do you see the tree outside?” he asked, tipping his head down to confirm whether his son was listening.

Those green and gold eyes, still wet with tears, were looking at the swaying tree just outside the glass panes.

“The branch scratched the glass. And then when the lightning flashed, it illuminated the shadow of the tree branch to look like a hand reaching out for you.” He ran a hand down his back. “Nobody was trying to get you, bud. It was just the storm playing tricks.”

Not a second after he finished speaking, lightning flashed and a gust of wind sent the branch raking down the glass.

Kaden shrieked in fright, throwing his arms around Az’s neck and burying his face into his warm chest.

He carried him back to the master bedroom, repeating that he was safe and that nobody was going to hurt him.

Elain was leaning up against the headboard when they returned, a knowing smirk on her face letting him know she knew their son was going to be coming back to sleep with them. “What was it?” she asked as he settled onto the bed, sliding Kaden down his chest to lay more comfortably on top of him.

“The branch outside his window. I’ll call somebody to come remove it in the morning.” Grabbing his phone, he armed the motion sensors in the house, just in case. They typically kept them off, worried Kaden would creep downstairs in the middle of the night for some unknown reason and set it off. But with him in their room for the night, he decided it would be okay to leave them on.

Dropping his device on the table beside the bed, Azriel flicked the light off, tugging a pliant Elain closer to his side. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered into the darkness.

Even without being able to see her, Az could feel her gaze on him, assessing his words. “Why are you sorry?”

He sighed. “Because I wanted to make you feel good and I didn’t get to finish. I know we haven’t really gotten to take advantage since the move and I just wanted to show you my appreciation.”

She huffed a laugh, feeling her reach out to thread her fingers into their son’s hair—the boy already sleeping peacefully to his father’s beating heart. “Az, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but our life will be nothing but constant interruptions from now on. Please don’t apologize for having to step away and be a father. Because that’s what you were doing tonight. Being a father and taking care of our child who needed you. I will never begrudge an interruption like that.”

Azriel snagged her fingers, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. “It’ll take some getting used to not being able to enjoy ourselves like that whenever and wherever we want.”

Her palm spread across his cheek. “We’ll figure it out like everything else.” Elain let her thumb swoop across his stubbled skin. “I love you, Azriel.”

Wrapping an arm around Kaden and cradling the back of his head, Az leaned over to kiss her softly, tucking her against his side so that her swollen belly rested on him. “I love you more, El.”

Az fell asleep that night with his family wrapped around him and dreamt of the future he couldn’t wait to see come to life.  

~~~~~

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[friskynotebook]

Tears You Up But Sets You Free

CW: grief, death of a loved one

Summary: Padme believes she's in unrequited love with Obi-Wan—until one morning when she finds him sleeping in a closet

did I really spend all day writing almost 3,000 words of a Padme lives post ROTS Obidala angsty love confession and posted it unbeta'd? yes

The title is from the song Memphis Lives in Me from the musical Memphis ✨ You can listen to it here

Also on AO3!

Padme rolled over, blinking the sleep from her eyes as the Dantooine morning sun filtered through her bedroom window. She reached over to the other side of the bed and patted the cool sheets, hoping that this morning would be different than the others.

It never was.

She sighed. Ever since she and Obi-Wan had escaped to a tiny village on Dantooine with the twins nearly three years ago, they had grown closer. Living on a remote planet required them to rely on each other, both physically and emotionally. The friendship long-ago established on Naboo deepend further in the past three years than it had in the previous thirteen. They may have been legally married on Dantooine to maintain their cover, but for Padme, Obi-Wan Kenobi had become something deeper—her very best friend.

And perhaps something more . . .

On her end, there had always been something simmering beneath the surface when it came to her relationship with Obi-Wan, but he was so dedicated to the Order and so much of a Jedi, it never seemed like a real possibility. So he remained a dear friend and ally, nothing more. And when things presented themselves with Anakin . . .

But that was then. Now, however, as the years had passed, she found herself growing more and more fond of Obi-Wan every day. Of course she knew he was a handsome man—Padme had fully functioning eyes, after all. But she never really saw how gorgeous he was until she had to spend endless amounts of time with just him and her children. 

The children. Watching him interact with Luke and Leia—that was probably when she started to fall in love. Even when her heart was shattered in a million pieces mere weeks after their arrival, the pain lessened just a little when she saw Obi-Wan gently soothing little Leia’s cries so Padme could get a little more rest.

As the twins got older, Obi-Wan threw himself into fatherhood the same way Padme had thrown herself into motherhood. It surprised her—not his capability to love her children, because she’d seen first hand how much he’d loved Anakin and the rest of the Order, for that matter. But for someone who’d never had a traditional family structure of his own, he’d been committed to caring for the children and her as if it had ben ingrained in his very soul. Even though they had meager credits to their name, she and Obi-Wan were committed to giving Luke and Leia as normal a life as possible—from birthday parties to day trips to the mountains to sleepovers with friends, where the twins were right now.

Padme sighed. They didn’t often get long stretches of time alone together, and she wanted nothing more than to simply be with him and show him just how much he meant to her. But instead, he continued being his annoyingly perfect self and made her dinner, sat with her in the living room as he read a new arrival from the town library, and settled into the bed they shared with barely a kiss on the cheek.

And now she was waking up alone. Again

Padme shook her head. She wasn’t going down this path again. Obi-Wan had so many of his own burdens to deal with and the last thing he needed was to deal with her . . . feelings. They were best friends, nothing more.

Best friends who shared a bed. 

Purely for our cover, Obi-Wan had reassured her. We can’t have the children telling their friends their married parents sleep in separate bedrooms. It would draw too much attention.

Selfishly, she had agreed. If only for a little more time spent in Obi-Wan’s warmth.

She rolled out of bed and slipped into a robe. She wasn’t used to early morning quiet with two five year olds running around—she was nearly startled by the sounds of her own footsteps as she padded to the kitchen to brew some caf.

As she went through the motions of preparing the hot drink—two creams, two sugars for her, one sugar for Obi-Wan—Padme glanced at the door to a small storage room beside the twins’ bedroom. Obi-Wan converted it from a closet when they had first arrived, needing a hidden space to store the few remaining relics of his Jedi life as well as a quiet place to meditate away from the others. Every morning, he’d rise before the sun and meditate for an hour or two before the rest of the family got up. This morning didn’t seem any different, even without the children, so she settled at their small kitchen table and sipped at her caf, waiting for Obi-Wan to finish.

But as the minutes ticked by, he didn’t emerge.

After half a standard hour, Padme grabbed Obi-Wan’s rapidly cooling mug and approached the closed door. She knocked softly.

“Obi-Wan? Is everything alright?”

Silence.

Padme tried to quell her rising nerves and knocked again.

“Obi-Wan?”

Silence.

Padme swallowed. “I’m coming in.”

She opened the door—only for it to stop halfway through. “What—?”

The door was caught on what appeared to be a bundle of robes and—was that Obi-Wan’s foot?

Padme frowned and pushed the door all the way open as gently as she could, kneeling down beside the long lump of robes and brushing a lock of hair back from her husband’s forehead.

Obi-Wan was snoring softly under the robe-blanket he had carefully tucked around him, his head resting on a robe-pillow. Padme’s lips quirked. He must have fallen asleep while meditating this morning.

But . . . That didn’t explain the state of the storage room. His makeshift bed looked lived-in, more so than his actual bed. A small chest beside his robe-pillow acted as a nightstand, with his latest holo book and the glasses he swore he didn’t need resting on top. 

Why is he sleeping here?

It couldn’t have been comfortable. Obi-Wan wasn’t a particularly large man, but this storage room was tiny. Padme was sitting half outside the room as it was. It can’t be good for him being cramped in this space all night long—how many nights does he do this?

Padme thought back to their past three years in Dantooine—she couldn’t remember a single morning when her husband woke up beside her. Surely he must have in all their years but her mind kept coming up short. She brushed her fingers delicately along his bearded jaw, then gasped as she saw, seemingly for the first time, how dark the circles under his eyes were, and how deep his crows feet went. How had she never noticed this?

Before her thoughts could derail any further, Padme heard Obi-Wan whimper, his brow furrowed even in sleep. “No . . . no, please . . .”

Padme set the caf down on the chest and leaned forward, gently shaking her husband’s shoulder. “Obi-Wan, wake up.”

His breathing became more erratic and he started whimpering. The fear Padme had been pushing down started creeping up her throat.

She brushed her hand through his hair. “Obi-Wan, please. You’re safe, you need to wake up.”

Suddenly, Obi-Wan’s eyes shot open and he sat up, panting heavily. 

“Shhh,” Padme soothed, stroking his hair. “It was just a dream, Obi-Wan. You’re safe.”

He blinked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. “P-Padme? What are you doing here?”

She swallowed. “You didn’t come out for your caf. I got worried.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan ran a hand through his damp hair. “I”m sorry for worrying you, dear one.”

Padme pushed down the flutter in her chest at the pet name. “What’s going on?”

“Hmm?” He looked up, his blue eyes looking more dull than she’d ever seen them. 

“Why are you sleeping in here?”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. “Oh, I must have fallen asleep while meditating again—”

Padme raised a brow. “So you made yourself a bedroom?”

He blushed. “Padme, it’s not—”

“Don’t tell me what it’s not, Obi-Wan. Tell me what it is.” Padme kept her voice soft but left no room for arguments.

“This is wrong.”

Padme furrowed her brow. “What’s wrong?”

“What I’m doing—my life—what I’ve done—it’s wrong.” His breath hitched in his throat.

Suddenly realizing this issue was far deeper than he had let on, Padme settled on his robe-bed, nestling closer to him. “What’s so wrong about our life?” she asked gently.

“I shouldn’t be living it!” he blurted out. “I k-killed him—”

“Obi-Wan no—”

He was getting lost in his thoughts. “I failed him and then I killed him. He was my brother, my apprentice, I should have helped him—”

“He was beyond help.” Padme soothed, repeating all the things he told her over the years. “There’s nothing wrong—”

He buried his face in his hands and Padme’s heart shattered even more. “Everything is wrong! I’m living his life—the life I stole. Don’t you see, Padme? This is all wrong! It should be Anakin here—”

“No it shouldn’t.”

That got Obi-Wan to stop right in his tracks. “What?”

Padme took her best friend’s face into her hands, stroking his beard with her thumbs. “No. It. Shouldn’t.”

“Padme, h-how can you say that? How can you want this life with me—”

“How about you let me decide what I want and what’s good for me?” She softened the blow of her words with a raised brow. 

Obi-Wan took a breath, not meeting her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

She forced his eyes upwards. “Don’t be,” she insisted, closing her eyes. Now or never, Padme. “I—Obi-Wan—”

“I’m not the family you need.” His voice was deadly quiet.

Her eyes snapped open. “What?”

He tried pulling away, but she wouldn’t let him go. “I’m not—” He swallowed. “I can’t be what you need.”

“And what exactly do I need?” Padme wasn’t going to lose her husband to his own mind, not if she had anything to say about it.

“Someone who can handle sharing a bed with you, being your husband, your children’s father, sharing your life, being in love with you—”

Padme’s eyes widened. “You’re in love with me?” she whispered.

Obi-Wan’s expression mirrored hers as he tried to back away, reminding Padme of a skittish animal. She pulled him closer. 

“Padme,” he rasped. “I’m so—”

“Don’t you dare apologize, Obi-Wan Kenobi,” she murmured, running one of her hands along his shoulder. “Is this why you’ve been sleeping here?”

He nodded. “It was too much,” he whispered. “Feeling the way I did and being in your bed. But I couldn’t bear to leave you either. I figured this was the best solution.”

The hand on his shoulder drifted down to his chest. “All this time? You were sleeping here all this time?”

“Mostly,” he nodded. “I’d wait until you were asleep and then come here. It was better this way,” he added, seeing Padme’s crestfallen expression. “You needed your rest and my nightmares would wake you—”

“I don’t give a bantha’s ass about your nightmares waking me,” she insisted. “And what about your rest? Obi-Wan you don’t even fit in here! You must be so sore—you’ve been doing this for years?”

Her fretting brought a tiny smile to his face. “I’ve survived worse.”

“I don’t care—no more of this,” Padme declared. “You’re sleeping back in our bed, where you belong.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes grew distant again. “I can’t, Padme. You don’t need an old Jedi complicating—”

“What did I say about letting me decide what I need?” Padme smiled. “And . . . what if I wanted you in my bed?”

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow and Padme wanted desperately to smooth it out with her thumb. “What?”

She took a deep breath. “What if . . . I loved you too?”

His face went ashen. “Padme, no . . . How . . .?”

“How can I love? Or how can I love you?”

Obi-Wan opened and closed his mouth a few times before answering. “Both,” he choked out. “With everything that’s happened.”

“Just because I’ve loved and been hurt in my past doesn’t mean I can’t love again, Obi-Wan. I’m still human,” she murmured, stroking his cheek.

“But with Anakin—”

“Not him.”

“What?”

She sighed. “I wasn’t talking about him.”

Obi-Wan leaned into her touch, waiting for her to continue.

“I cared for Ani, truly, and I did love him—just not the way a wife should love a husband,” she said, finally confiding in him the realization she had come to long ago. “The Anakin I loved—the Anakin I thought I loved—never existed. At most, we had infatuation. We never had time to explore anything else. And . . . if we had . . . I don’t think our marriage would have worked. Even if everything hadn’t happened.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened. “But—you were both happy—”

“Obi-Wan,” she murmured, forcing his eyes to meet hers. “I’ve been happier with you on our worst day than with Anakin on our best.”

His eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Padme.”

“Out here, I’ve had nothing but time to think about our lives before, all the mistakes I made, everything we’ve been through . . . Luke and Leia are my world, but marrying Ani was a mistake. Rushing things was a mistake. I wanted us to be happy so badly I convinced myself we were.”

Obi-Wan sighed. “Perhaps we were both blinded by love.”

“Both?”

“I’m not a fool, Padme. I’d known about you and Anakin long before you realized I knew.” He sighed. “You both had been through so much . . . I wanted you both to be happy.”

“We weren’t.” She squeezed his hand. “Not truly.”

“I think we both saw what we wanted to see.”

Padme wrapped her arms around his neck, letting out a sigh of relief when her husband wrapped his own arms around her. She kissed his neck, settling into his embrace.

“Did you ever think about this? Before?” Padme asked.

“I was so committed to the Order I never truly considered the possibility,” he answered honestly. “I couldn’t allow myself to think about . . . anything I could feel for you. I didn’t think any relationship was an option until you and Anakin were married.”

“And then it was too late,” she finished his thought, her breath tickling his skin.

“This wasn’t the way I’d have ever wanted us to become a couple,” he murmured.

“I know,” she reassured him. “But—if it was an option. If we could have explored our feelings. If everything hadn’t happened. What would you have done?”

“I’d have left the Order,” Obi-Wan replied, his voice so soft Padme barely heard the words.

She lifted her head. “Obi-Wan!”

“I couldn’t fulfill a commitment to you and to the Order,” Obi-Wan replied, the torment in his voice replaced by an eerie calm.

“But your duty—”

“—was to the Republic. I didn’t need to be part of the Order to serve the Republic.”

After a moment, Padme responded. “And if I hadn’t returned your feelings?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered,” he whispered. “As you can see, I’m not very good at effectively repressing romantic feelings,” he smirked.

Padme beamed. “And now you don’t have to.”

She leaned in ready to finally kiss her best friend, her husband, for the first time—only for Obi-Wan to turn away.

“What is it?” she asked, lifting his chin to meet her eyes. “Please, tell me. Let me care for you the way you’ve always cared for me.”

Obi-Wan swallowed, his tormented blue eyes filling once more with tears. “Have you ever . . . have you ever wished it were Anakin here instead of me?”

Padme closed her eyes and cupped his face in her hands, pressing her forehead against his. “Once, a long time ago. When the babies were six months old.”

He started to nod his head, accepting this, but Padme refused to let him leave her embrace. She opened her eyes. “I was in so much pain I couldn’t think straight. Trying to deal with the pain of losing Anakin while raising twins . . . it was too much most days. And one day, you were bathing Luke and I remember thinking, you’re the wrong Jedi. It should be Anakin here bathing my babies.”

“But you know what?” Padme continued, wanting to chase the pain out of his eyes. “The very next morning, I heard one of the twins cry and I started to roll out of bed. But then I heard you talking to them and you sang a lullaby with your beautiful voice and you know what I said?”

“What?” Obi-Wan whispered, tears slipping down his cheeks.

She tightened her grip on his jaw, kissing his tears. “I said, oh good. Their father’s taking care of them.” She swallowed. “Luke and Leia may have Anakin’s DNA, but you are their father, through and through. One intrusive thought I had when I was deep in the throes of grief does not take that away and it never will. I love you, Obi-Wan. Our children love you. And even though the circumstances are never what I would have wanted, nothing has made me happier than being here with you and our children. Nothing.”

Obi-Wan leaned forward, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. “Padme,” he moaned, his nose brushing against hers.

“I love you, Obi-Wan,” she murmured against his mouth. “You’re my home.”

“I love you,” he repeated, pulling her closer. “I’ll never grow tired of saying that.”

“I’ll never grow tired of hearing it,” she beamed.

“Padme, I—ow!” Obi-Wan broke the kiss, rubbing the back of his head.

“Are you alright?” she asked, reaching over to inspect his head herself.

“I think I hit my head on this shelf,” he frowned.

Padme snorted. “I can’t believe you’ve been sleeping in this closet for years.”

“In hindsight, it does seem rather foolish, doesn’t it?” Obi-Wan grinned.

Padme’s heart fluttered when she finally saw Obi-Wan’s beautiful smile. “Come on. Let’s head somewhere a little more comfortable . . .”

No-pressure tags: @saradika @obiknights @alabama-metal-man @cypanache @your-dose-of-obidala @justsaysomethingjayj @written-musings @celestial-alignment @darlingamidala

#obidala #padme amidala #obi wan kenobi #obi wan x padme #obi wan kenobi x padme amidala #star wars fanfic #obidala fic #my fic #my writing

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Ride the Cyclone Kids and Sleepovers

okay, so i’m gonna do a few headcanons for sleepovers at specific people’s houses (Penny excluded), then general headcanons!

Constance’s house!

Second best place to have sleepovers at

Her parents are SO NICE

Dinner is always THE BEST there

Constance’s little brother sometimes hangs out with them for a bit

You can’t tell me Constance doesn’t own ALL the Just Dance games

So they usually end up having a very fierce dance battle during sleepovers

Constance always gives her bed to someone else, what a sweetheart

They somehow end up binge watching Barbie movies while over at her house

Mischa’s house!

Best place to have a sleepover at because they can do whatever the hell they want in his basement

There’s so much room for activities!

When they go to sleep, they’re usually sprawled out All Over the floor since there’s a lot of space

I feel like Mischa’s basement is the perfect location for playing Twister

Noel’s house!

They can’t be as wild at his house to keep from disturbing his mom, but it’s still really fun over there!

His mom likes seeing Noel hanging out with other kids :)

Catch Ocean out here CONSTANTLY sucking up to Ms. Gruber

Ocean’s house!

Worst place for sleepovers

First of all, it smells like weed and incense, which is just AWFUL

Second of all, her parents are just…really weird

They make everyone Really Uncomfortable

I feel like Ocean’s house has an awesome backyard, though, so they’ll usually hang out outside

Or in her room

She’s always so embarrassed of her house, poor girl

She hides it, though

Ricky’s house!

He definitely owns a Switch, so they’ll usually play games like Mario Kart

Which turns the whole sleepover into a literal WAR (Ocean will pick Rainbow Road Every Single Time)

When over at his house, it’s basically assured that SOMEONE is gonna wake up with a cat on their face

General sleepover shenanigans!

Okay, so, pajamas? (yes, it’s important I provide reference photos, you gotta get the VIBE)

Noel’s got, like, these (fake) silk pajamas, and it’s So Extra

Penny’s in this simple but super cute night gown

Constance has frog pajamas fight me

Meanwhile, Ricky has cat pajamas

Ocean has these weird upcycles pajamas

Mischa is just in some shorts and a muscle shirt

Penny got the Whole Choir animal slippers, and they’re all Legally Required to wear them

Penny has sheep (because of her last name), Ricky has cats (obviously), Noel has rabbits, Mischa has sharks (that look like they’re eating his feet), Constance has hedgehogs, and Ocean has penguins

They all fight over what movie to watch

“Citizen Kane!” “ew, no! we should watch Rear Window!” “i just wanna watch The Lion King 2…” “can we PLEASE watch Encanto” “SAW V!!!!!!!”

Sleepover games? Sleepover games

They do that game where you make the worst concoction of different food/drinks possible and have other people consume it (Ocean almost dies Every Time because you can’t tell me homegirl doesn’t have the weakest stomach ever)

THEY PLAY GARTIC PHONE

Here’s some examples of what they would do from when I played with my own friends

In order of who drew what: Constance, Ocean, Ricky, Penny

In order of who drew what: Ocean, Constance, Noel, Ricky, Penny, Mischa

Noel: Ocean, Kiss, Marry, Kill: Penny, Constance, and Mischa >:)

Ocean: I’m acearo

Noel: Shit my bad

Noel: Ocean, Have As A Lab Partner For A Whole Semester, Be Stuck Inside An Elevator With For Seven Hours, Get Trained By At A Fast Food Restaurant: Penny, Constance, and Mischa >:)

Ocean ALWAYS helps clean up while at someone else’s house (just because she wants the praise from their parents and HAS to be the favorite friend)

Noel: What the fuck are you doing

Ocean, doing the dishes: My part

OR

Mrs. Potts: Ricky, sweetie, why is your ginger friend vacuuming the carpet? How did she even know where the vacuum was??

Ricky, signing: She does that, just let it run its course

Mischa initiates pillow fights

Penny and Ricky would convince the others to make blanket forts with them

Mischa and Noel both like to style/braid the girls’ hair

When it finally falls silent, and they all seem like they’re finally about to go to sleep for the night, one of them will laugh for No Reason and cause all the others to start howling with laughter

If there’s no room on a couch when everyone else is already sitting, Penny will just be like “guess I have to lay on all of you”

And then she lays on all of them

One time while at Constance’s house, SOMEONE yelled for the Alexa to play Roman Holiday and utter MAYHEM broke out after that

Noel and Penny were SINGING

Ricky was jamming out, living his best life

Ocean was DESPERATELY trying to get the Alexa to stop

Constance was like “guys! guys, shh! people are gonna hear you!” (cause hc that the Blackwoods live above the cafe)

Mischa arrived back from the bathroom and was Very Confused

Noel and Penny were using random utensils as microphones and kept trying to get the others to join them (“come on, Mischa!” “this is a spatula”)

Penny, holding a ladle out to Constance: sing it, Constance!

Constance, leaning into the ladle like it’s an actual microphone: i don’t know Roman Holiday

Meanwhile, Ocean was DYING

Ocean, sobbing: Alexa, stop playing Roman Holiday!

Alexa didn’t hear her

Alexa wished for her death

#ride the cyclone #rtc #rtc headcanons #ride the cyclone headcanons #ocean o'connell rosenberg #constance blackwood #mischa bachinski #noel gruber #ricky potts #jane doe #penny lamb

[magicalrocketships]

do you have ideas of things you'd like to see in buddie fics? I love your writing sm and I'd love to see your take on buddie

YES. I have had a LOT of thoughts about fucked up boys sorting themselves out, and also one where Eddie cries a lot about figuring out he's not straight, but I ALSO had this one fic idea that kept me company in the middle of night for a LONG TIME, which was basically WHAT IF BUCK AND EDDIE GOT JEALOUS MARRIED

Like, they go to Vegas for... something. Chim's birthday. IT DOES NOT MATTER. They're in Vegas. People are joking about other people coming to Vegas and getting drunk and getting married, idk, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Buck and Eddie react entirely appropriately to this joking suggestion, and think... huh. What if we got married? That would fix everything!

It is important to note that there is nothing to fix

They are just two best friends occasionally and with some legal back up co-parenting a child, what needs fixing about THAT

So! They slip away. Why are they doing that? Who knows. And then they're like, "So, getting married, huh? What a joke."

They are not joking, and there is nothing to fix, but they are both thinking, in their special screwed up kind of a way, if they are married to EACH OTHER then it is IMPOSSIBLE* that the other person could marry SOMEONE ELSE and it is very important that even though there is NOTHING to acknowledge about how jealously they guard each other, that there be ZERO permanence about anyone else in their lives

*it is absolutely possible, they are just stupid

(for each other)

Buck and Eddie get married in Las Vegas because what is MORE NORMAL than two best friends who are not queer for each other getting married on a drunken weekend in Vegas while almost entirely sober

They hug after getting married because W O W what a relief, now everything is fixed!!!! Amazing how much of a relief it is to know that everything is fixed now, everyone is going to be better off!!!

They don't tell a single person

They go back to their lives secure in the knowledge that everything is fixed now and continue to do everything EXACTLY THE SAME as they did before they went to Vegas and got secret jealous married

Except maybe IDK Eddie updates his will or something

And then says to Buck that he should do the same but HEN OVERHEARS

and later on has to say, what the fuck, Buck (even funnier because it rhymes) and Buck has to be, like, "Yeah so Eddie and I are MARRIED now, isn't it great, it fixes EVERYTHING!!!"

Hen: "..."

And then Hen has to go out of her mind for the next eight months because literally NOBODY knows that Buck and Eddie are very happily married whilst living entirely single* lives and never actually kissing or living together

*they are very clearly not single because they are, at this point, a) married and b) not in the least bit interested in anything with anyone else

Also they have a KID to bring up which they are doing TOGETHER and have only sort of realised this

So they go BACK to Vegas a year after getting married, who knows what for, it very clearly DOES NOT MATTER, and Buck says something erudite and well adjusted about how it must be nice to get the right number of hugs every day

He has read that article about the number of hugs required for emotional wellbeing

He has shared that article about the number of hugs required for emotional wellbeing

Eddie, who is very well adjusted, says, "huh, maybe we can be that for each other?"

Hen at this point is melting into the concrete, willing herself to become at one with the universe rather than put up with the secret that she cannot tell anyone, which is that Buck and Eddie are so stupid they need STUDYING, in a LAB

Buck and Eddie begin The Year of The Hugs which is Hen's least favourite year because it turns out Buck and Eddie are both TOUCH STARVED and also still OBLIVIOUS about how in love they are

Buck and Eddie like to go to each other's places just to hug, which is Normal

God, they're so normal

Getting married really HAS fixed everything, they're so good at this

Meanwhile no one else has noticed anything because this is mostly going on at home and no one else really thinks too deeply about anything, which Hen maintains was her first mistake. She has given up thinking. It's safer.

Buck and Eddie start having hugging sleepovers rather than Buck sleeping on the sofa when he stays over

Christopher, who, despite having Eddie for a father, has some critical thinking skills (this is unfair to Eddie, who is very good at critical thinking when it comes to work, but who has the emotional capability of a boiled egg when it comes to understanding who he is and what he wants and what he is feeling)

Christopher gives up trying to explain that Buck is his dad's best friend and just calls him his other dad when he has to tell his friends' parents who's picking him up and dropping off at things

Everyone deals with this like it's entirely normal, which it is, because they've never had to deal with the flat expression of two men dealing with having a functioning family relationship for the first time in their lives by not realising they have one

Christopher assumes that his dads are dating but not telling him, so he makes them a card that says CONGRATULATIONS and then they all have to have a conversation where each sentence is stupider than the last one where Buck and Eddie explain that they LOVE each other and they SLEEP together but only because they like to HUG and that is NORMAL

Christopher considers giving his parents up for adoption

Particularly when they explain that they are MARRIED but that is just because it FIXED EVERYTHING

still nothing to fix

Christopher suggests, quite gently, that maybe his dads should just try BEING MARRIED because they ARE MARRIED and nobody is talking about DIVORCE, right?

Buck literally cries at the mention of divorce, Eddie looks like he's swallowed a boiled egg whole

Christopher googles my dads need therapy

Buck and Eddie add holding hands to their repertoire of married tricks

Hen considers emigrating to the moon

Buck and Eddie have been married eighteen months and have yet to kiss or admit that they want to

they want to

this is the end of part one because I am tired

#fic i wish i was writing #911 #buddie #buck and eddie fix everything by getting married #(they fix nothing because nothing needing fixing) #except them

[blogger360ncislarules]

Nancy Drew left us with one last clue to follow.

The CW drama wrapped its four-season run on Wednesday, pitting the Drew Crew against its greatest supernatural threat yet before revealing what the future holds for everyone in Horseshoe Bay. More importantly, the finale also (potentially) solved the show’s longest-running mystery — Ace’s last name.

One of the episode’s final shots was a carving of the crew’s initials, including “A.H.” First name Ace? Yes, confirmed. But could that “H,” as many fans have speculated over the years, really stand for Hardy? Did the show just confirm that Nancy has had a Hardy Boy by her side this whole time? All signs point to… probably!

Though executive producer (and pilot director) Larry Teng didn’t exactly spell it out for us, he confirmed to TVLine that he’s known about Ace’s last name from “day one, episode one.”

Speaking of Ace, yes, he ended up with Nancy in the end. Here’s a quick summary, if that’s even possible: Saving the town required apparent soulmates Nancy and Tristan to sever their spiritual connection, following the discovery that they’re only linked because she murdered him in a past life. (Oops!) Ace saved Nancy by tethering himself to her, but the process literally cost them their souls, making it impossible for either to be reincarnated. Silver lining? It also destroyed their death curse, allowing them to enjoy the remainder of their last lives together.

“When Ace says to Nancy, ‘Will you solve this last mystery with me?’ in my mind, that was, ‘Will you marry me?'” finale director Amanda Row tells TVLine. “That was both of them acknowledging that there’s nothing they can possibly do to stay apart. They have to be together. And I love that. I love how big Nancy and Ace have become, because it was definitely not planned. It ended up just organically happening, which I think makes it so special.”

Every epic reunion needs an equally epic kiss, and Row definitely felt the pressure to deliver with this one, “especially because there was that gorgeous slow-motion shot wrapping around them when they kissed earlier this season,” she says. “With this one, I wanted to keep it more still. I was echoing the same framing I did in [the Season 4 premiere] when they meet up at at Icarus Hall. I did the exact same conversation, but this time it had a different outcome.”

And then there was Nancy’s farewell to Tristan, whom Rowe describes as “an innocent bystander in a lot of ways.” For that reason, “you can’t help but feel for him,” but at least we can find a “really beautiful resolution” in that he and Nancy were able to overcome the sins of their past lives. As Row says, “it shows that the cycle doesn’t have to keep going. Things can change. His role was really significant in teaching Nancy that.”

As for the rest of the Drew Crew, George got into Northern Seattle Legal College; Nick accepted an engineering position under Tom Swift (R.I.P.!), while Jade also landed a gig in Swift Enterprises’ PR department, courtesy of Zenzi; Bess is embarking on a global expedition to replenish the historical society’s destroyed artifacts, while Addy is running for local office; Carson and Jean are preparing to welcome their new baby girl; and Ryan… well, let’s just say that Red appears to be keeping him on his toes.

#nancy drew

[chilapis]

hi lapis ! what is ur ship w tartaglia like ? do u think he'd be particularly interested in how u study law ? 🤔 - @dmclr

<- guy who gets asked about the man he thinks about 24/7 and immediately blanks out.

Answer under read more because it got… long.

To answer the first part, the dynamic is kind of. everywhere? It’s like, imagine the most mentally ill, insane guy you know. And then give him a wife who can and will be much worse than him but only if she’s separated from him for too long. Also they have plans to travel the world together and conquer it through mass violence and bloodshed. And then settle down and have a family of like. 10+ ❤️

For the second part, I think he would probably find it interesting to some degree! People view law as this grand noble thing but to let you in on a little secret? Most of it is like… utter bullshit honestly in my eyes, in the funniest ways too. I think it’d be fun to shit-talk laws and legal systems with him.

But also keeping his status as a harbinger who has quite literally gotten in trouble with, uh. several nations’ laws on several accounts, I feel like having a lawyer as your partner is arguably the funniest thing you could do. Power-move. If I was to start legally defending him, I’d never have time for other clients. But would it even be necessary? He has the means, he can support us both I think. Personal legal consultant, defence attorney AND housewife. 3-in-1 combo baby ! (Plus I think I’d lose my license to practice shortly after fighting the first case for him because there’s no way to defend him in court without blatant lying.)

I do have a special interest in contract law so I think it’d be funny to like. enter 30 different contracts with him. Husband who gently wakes you up at 3 AM to tell you she has a new contract he wants to enter with you. <- my love language <- he has to willingly accept the first time, I can’t even cry if he rejects my offer because if I cry over his rejection and he accepts it after, it might be taken as duress and the contract might be seen as invalid. whimper (+ the requirements for contracts can be complex or simple depending on how you look at it; there needs to be some monetary gain/loss involved, but it need not be substantial. You could even offer certain rights; giving up the right to sue in certain cases has been seen as valid consideration.)

But also I do have a major interest in law overall and have had it ever since I was little so even if a part of me does not view law to not be as noble of a field as others might, I still do absolutely adore this field. Its ridiculousness and all. And I’m so excited to practice. I’m so grateful I get to do this, and for the opportunities that will come my way as I go further, so, I do actually respect the court. The way I look at law is… critically. But at the same time, through the eyes of an excited child who finally got to live his dream. I feel like I can be unbecomingly giddy over it and so have an unfortunate tendency to infodump so I think it’d be cute to just, sit in his office and ramble about case precedents while he does his paperwork. (he is writing down the name of people to visit) (half of these people will likely end up dead by his hand.) (he’s so cute. <3)

I feel like I’d be very critical of his conduct before getting close though, because naturally even if I have my own doubts regarding certain things I am still a professional who wouldn’t like, risk it all for a stranger. This is us before becoming bestfriends who kiss, getting married, having a family, etc. ⬇️

TL;DR: “I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, lapis.” x [scrambling to look up defences] “FUCK”

The doctrine of the rule of law states that no-one is above the law however my husband should be granted an exception i think. 🩵❤️

#HI THANK YOU I OWE YOU MY LIFE. PLEASE REMEMBER TO STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE #🥀 — colloquy. #🗡️ — cherry waves.

[boxwinebaddie]

i FINALLY had time to read rm 4 and oh my god.. STANS MOM CALLING HIM CUERVO I STARTED TEARING UP UNCLE NINA WHAT THE FUCK. AND KYLE BEING MARRIED TO STAN IN HIS HEAD HOLY SHIT THAT WAS THE CUTEST CHAP YOUVE EVER WRITTEN I THINK. AND HIM DRINKING OUT OF THE THERMOS SO IT TASTED LIKE METAL HOW DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THIS STUFF

thank you so much for reading my weird little fanfic, my beloved!!!! also, to answer your last question: i have no idea, i am literally criminally insane, my brain comes up with crazy things, psych ward 5150 grippy sock vacation level plot lines omggg. lock 'er up, boys!!!

but CUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERVOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

CUERVO NATION!!!! WHO IS UUUUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!

i was hoping someone would catch that!!!! i published my fic and i was vibrating with nervous and excited energy just waiting for someone to drop the word cuervo in my comments section or my inbox so i am SOOOOOO FUCKIN EXCITED OMG!!!!!

( i was sitting on that piece of lore for so long, it was KILLING ME!!! )

bc literally in that entire 16k word chapter...litrally only 1 word actually mattered...and it was cuervo tbh...my son my son my son MI HIJOOO

( also sharon using the masculine o instead of the feminine a and correcting herself...sharon PLEASE KISS ME!!!! tom move over omg )

i remember at first when i was planning out rm i just had raven be stans crimson dawn pseudonym because goth stan in the show was raven...but i am insane i require all of the choices in my fanfictions to mean something, so i couldn't just...have that be his name for no reason...so when i was developing his character and specifically his latino heritage i was like...

....what if i made it his precious childhood nickname?

*wrings my hands like an evil genius*

she also didn't give it to him for no reason, there's a lot of symbolism, with michelle/michi and cat stuff too i'm so...WE'LL GET THERE!!!

but yes....te amooooo cuervo! <3333 besitoooooo baby!

( everyone be so so nice to ravenstan please i love him so so much i hope you guys also really like him im...protective over him omg )

I KNOW KYLE AND STAN BEING MENTALLY MARRIED IS SO SAD AND FUCKING CUTE TO ME!!! and i mean!! technically!!! even tho i didnt write that flashback in little stan did propose to kyle by starks pond with that little pine needle weaved ring w the fresca bottle cap super glued on it so like....idk THATS LEGALLY BINDING TO ME!!!

i'm fucking...like despite the difficulties and hardships they'd face...which would be a lot more than pep!style just bc stan is transmasc, being less white passing than pepstan is by a lot, kyle being jewish and people being fatphobic towards him...OF ALL THE STYLES...THEY HAD THE BEST CHANCE AT BEING HAPPY!!!! THEY WERE IN LOVE AT LIKE 11!!!! KYLE WAS BEING DELULU BUT IF STAN LIVED RIGHT NOW THEY WOULD ACTUALLY MARRIED!!!

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

its so sad too because ughhhh kyle was treated so inhumanely because he was overweight growing up ( i know that was a weird plot choice in rm, but there was a reason for it, i think it also makes cartmans character more insidious to me bc of his cruelty and prejudices ) that obviously it shattered his self confidence and had him develop very unhealthy eating habits and body complexes

so now that he is like...actually malnourished and fucking dying, its fucking sick because he was ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL but now that hes 'conventionally attractive' no one will fucking leave him alone...like he gets stopped EVERYWHERE hit on by everyone...so sometimes he just tells people hes "married" and...will occasionally tell people his husbands name is "stan" which......ur delulu baby but i love you

the thermos was so :'( he really misses him so much its so sad i got sad writing that part because everyones like kyle u gotta let go but it fully traumatized him and like??? never getting closure about the love of your life dying is so fucking awful!!!!

like idc that they were 11 like when you Know you Know!!! when you Meet the love of your life you Meet the love of your life!!! your Soulmate is your goddamn Soulmate, okay? and like??? how the fuck are you expected to conduct your life as normal knowing your one true love is DEAD???? in such a violent, fucked up and unpleasant way??? never getting to say goodbye????

uh...cant wait to um...fuck up kyles life by telling him that the hot lead singer of the band that keeps hitting on him is his presumed dead super best future husband...thats gonna be fun haha! whew! FUN!

the fact that he sits there every year....UUUUUUUGH

spain without the s dude...

but i'm so glad you liked that chapter and actually??? Everyone really liked that chapter which AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU GUYS!!!!

when i tell you...of all the updates i've written...pep and rm...i have NEVER been more nervous about uploading a chapter

it's bc the rm universe is so canon divergent and i'm writing a very atypical account of style thats not as easily followed the fandom

and i was worried that the lore would be poorly received, it would be too out there, too long, too boring but

I THINK ITS MY BEST WORK????

like its my favorite chapter ive ever written ( i really love chapter six of peppermint but chpater four of rm...has the energy of pep six...but its sadder...deeper...has the added bonus of stans home life...future ky )

i think the only exceptions to favorite chapters are....

omg so in a little bit...there is an rm chapter...that is my favorite outline for a chapter ever...since i started writing rm i have been WAITING to post it...id say ill tell u when you're there but you'll know...honestly after this chapter the next string of rm chapters should be...pretty iconic but THAT PARTICULAR ONE...AAAAAA

there is also one near the very VERY END OF PEP and it was gonna be a oneshot actually but i built this whole fic around it...oh my god...im so EXCITED TO POST THAT ONE...when we get there u will also know....AAAAAAAAAAAA thank u for reading my trash u guys!

like i really...have never felt more nervous about posting something but ultimately i did because i have never felt more confident in ho hard i worked world building and writing something? like i spent so much time making everything so cohesive, making sure every part of the canon, eveyr line of dialogue, every word made the fanfiction better, gave it depth or would contribute to the plot later...

so the fact that you guys really loved it...i want to cry tbh

i'm glad you guys are enjoying the world that i am building because its very special to me, i qorked very hard on it and as much as i really, really, love pep...i think the intricacies of the rm universe are really fucking awesome and i'm enjoying the dark raunchy macabre psychological thriller mystery romance energy of the rm world aaaa!

-uncle nina, rm super fangirl

ps. i love looove rm, i love talking abt it you can ask me any questions about it any time and i will answer as long as i am not spoiling stuff xx

#CUEEEEEEEEEEERVOOOOOOOOOO #the little cuervo headstanon for raven is like one of my favorite parts of rm bc it gives actual meaning to his stage name and #it also plays into other parts of the fic im really excited to get there a lot of it comes out in that chap im excited abt writing #its why im kinda rushing on 5 because i want to get...over there so badly omg #BUT YES I LOVE JERSEY AND RAVENSTAN BEING MARRIED AS HELL IN KYLES HEAD #and kyle just mourning him like a widow every year under a maple tree taking a picture with his stanley marsh smolder and his polaroid #u know theres just like 6 other polaroids of kyle almost in tears trying to smile pendejo every year on stans bday #stans gonna see those one day and cry a lot i just know it fml #ugh but im so glad u think its my cutest chapter #I AM PASSIONATE ABT RM FOUR LIKE I THINK ITS REALLY REALLY GOOD #i do not talk about my fanfics like that ever but i feel very confident abt rm for bc i think its well done very cohesive and evocative #also i love a flashback u know me #so im glad u liked it and everyone liked it bc...it healed my relationship with writing sm #it was so freeing to write something that i loved and have it loved right back....i love u guys on that note

[skylarsin7]

Chapter 13: The Thirteenth Hour

Eddie awoke to the sound of birds twittering above him. His eyes fluttered open, squinting through the sunlight that managed to pierce the canopy of trees. Lily stirred beside him, her back pressed against his chest, her head nestled in the crook of his arm. His ring glittered on her finger, catching the morning light. His heart soared, elation skittering through him. She was his wife. His wife. He marveled at the thought. And if they made it out of this alive, he would marry her legally as soon as possible. With as many traditions as they were capable of. Traditions. Well, her father wouldn’t be able to give her away, but he was sure his Uncle Wayne would be happy to have that honor. He was sure that his Uncle would love his choice of wife as much as he did. He smiled. Maybe he would ask Mr. The Hair himself if he wanted to be a groomsman. Of course, Dustin would have to be his best man. There was no other choice for the job. He wondered briefly if Lily had any female friends back home to ask to be bridesmaids. She hadn’t mentioned she had any friends in Philly. And she was adamant that she would never return there, so perhaps not. She could always ask Nancy, Robin and Max. In turn, he would have Dustin, Lucas, and Steve. Distantly, he could hear the others calling for them, which broke him from his wandering, but blissful thoughts. 

He lifted his head, leaning in to whisper in her ear. He hated the idea of waking her, but there was nothing for it now. "Man erin, nin mel. The world requires our presence once more." He nuzzled against her, placing a gentle kiss to her neck. She let out a soft groan, curling against him tighter. "Tell the world it can screw off a little longer." Her voice was thick with sleep, but her movements had him shuddering. He stifled his own groan as she pressed back against him, wreaking havoc on his control. “Keep that up sweetheart and the others might get a show they aren’t prepared for…” He managed. She stretched like a cat, arching her back as she slowly sat up. He watched her in fascination, following the line of her spine. He froze as he reached the small of her back. A long, silver ridge cut across the lower portion of her back, curving and wrapping around her right hip. “Lily, what is that?” He asked, his voice stiff. 

She stiffened, hesitating for several seconds. It was clear by the way she held herself she knew exactly what he was talking about. Anger bubbled up in his chest when she didn't answer. “Lily, what. Is. that?” He asked again, placing emphasis on every word. She swallowed. “Old.” She replied. Eddie had to take several breaths before he could speak again. “Who did this to you?” He growled. She flinched. “It doesn’t matter. It is in the past, long before I met you.” She tried to dismiss it, but he wasn’t about to let it go. He would tear apart anyone that had ever had the nerve to lay an unkind hand on her. “Who did this to you?” He asked again. She sighed, accepting defeat. 

  “My stepfather. I made the mistake of walking away from him once when he was talking to me. This one is from the buckle of his belt.” Eddie closed his eyes, mentally counting to ten to calm himself. “This one? There are others?” He asked, not opening his eyes. “Other what?” Her voice was quiet, almost meek. “Any other scars?” He added, finally looking at her. His eyes dared her to refuse him. She nodded. His heart squeezed. So focused on the pleasure of holding her, he hadn't even noticed the scars. It was as if they didn't exist when the moonlight had been shining on her skin. “Where?” She twisted around to face him. “Why do you want to know?” Her eyes bore into his, but his gaze was nearly black with his barely contained anger. “I want to see them. I want to see all the times you needed me and I wasn’t there.” He told her, his voice forced between clenched teeth. She turned completely, taking his hand. “Don’t…don’t do this to yourself. This happened long before I met you. The others are not important. My stepfather is a self-serving, bigoted asshole, but he cannot hurt me anymore. He cannot hurt me if I am not there.” She held up her left hand, where his ring encircled her finger.

  “I belong to you now. I know you would move heaven and earth to keep me safe. And I would do the same for you. I’ll return to Philadelphia once more to say goodbye at my father's grave. But after that, they will never see me again. Unless…you find that the scars make me ugly and you regret your choice in marrying me.” There was a note of sadness in her voice, and he sat up, cupping her face in his hands. “Nothing could ever make someone as beautiful as you ugly. Your beauty is more than skin deep, Naur Tinu. It radiates from your very soul. I love you more than any man should have the right to love anything. Never question that.”  She offered him a smile, leaning in to kiss the corner of his mouth. At the last second, he laced his fingers in her hair, turning her head just enough to kiss her deeply. She sank into him, smiling softly against his lips. As she pulled away, he growled possessively. The sound went straight to her toes, fluttering in her belly. “Keep that up, sweetheart, and the others will get a show they are not prepared for.” She murmured, firing his own words back at him. He kissed her again, lightly this time. “Minx.” He accused. 

She smirked, pulling away from him and hunting for her shirt. As she moved, the muscles rippled along her body, drawing his gaze. She had to be the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. Her scars, while the fact that she had them still angered him, also made him incredibly proud, and in no way diminished her beauty. She had endured at the hands of a grade A asshole, and yet, it seemed like nothing could slow her down, let alone stop her. She was strong and sweet, badass and still caring. His heart fluttered. He loved her, and she had been right. He would do anything to make sure she was safe. He willed calm into his body as she rose, all long limbs and pale, creamy skin, memories of their night together rearing in his mind. What he wouldn’t give for a few more hours to explore her completely. To wring pleasure from her over and over until neither of them could move. But he rose, following her example and pulling on his clothes. The others were closer now, likely only a couple dozen yards from their location. Once he was dressed, he reached for her, gripping her wrist gently, and spun her in for one final kiss. He dipped her low like you would a dance partner. Her heart fluttered with the sensation of falling…in more ways than one. “I love you.” He murmured as he held her. “And I you. Always.” She replied with a smile that lit up her entire face. “Is it too late for me to beg you to stay here, where it is safe?” His question dimmed her smile, nearly erasing it completely. “Stay here and watch from the sidelines while you risk your life? I don’t think so. We do this together.” She said firmly. He nodded, leaning in to kiss her gently. “I know. I was just asking.” He murmured. 

The others came into the clearing just as Eddie was pulling his jacket back on. Lily waved, smiling sweetly at them as they approached. “We were about to give up on you lovebirds.” Steve said with a smirk. Dustin was glancing between Eddie and Lily, his eyes narrowed in concentration. 

“Something’s…different…” He observed. Eddie reached for him, clapping him on the shoulder with his now vacant right hand. “A lot of things are different.” He agreed. Dustin grabbed the hand before Eddie could retract it. “Your ring is missing….why is your ring missing?” He asked. Eddie smiled. “Oh it isn’t missing Dustin, I know right where it is.” He cast a glance over his shoulder at Lily, who lifted her left hand, wiggling her fingers. Dustin’s eyes widened. “You…” For once, he seemed at a loss for words. Lily nodded. “He asked me last night, and I said yes.” She announced. There was a beat of silence, the group too stunned to say anything. Robin shook her head, her half-smile not quite reaching her eyes. “Congratulations.” She said, finally breaking the quiet. There was an odd tone to her voice, but Lily brushed it off. "Congratulations. Can we go?” Nancy asked quietly, shifting uncomfortably from side to side. She wasn't trying to be dismissive, despite her tone. Lily's heart sank a little, but understood that they couldn't linger. They had bigger fish to fry. The others said nothing but nodded in agreement. 

The ride back into Hawkins was quiet, tense even. Lily leaned against Eddie, her bow laid across her lap. Gone were the wooden arrows she had made for practice, replaced with steel stars of lethal sharpness. They glinted in the afternoon sun, catching the light as did the bottles at Robin’s feet. Dustin and Eddie gripped their makeshift spears, their shields leaning against the side of the Winnebago. They pulled up to the Creel house, a familiar shudder skittering down Lily’s spine. She did not like that place at all. Max, Lucas, and Erica rose, their faces stony and set with determination. Lily rose with them. “Max!” She called. The redhead turned and Lily enveloped her in a hug, dragging her close. “Be careful…” She whispered. Max gripped her tightly, trembling a little as she nodded. “You too.” She whispered back. Lily let her go reluctantly, casting intense eyes at Lucas. “You keep her safe, you hear me?” She said sternly. He nodded. “I will do everything in my power to make sure she is safe.” He replied firmly. She could see the love and devotion he had for Max, though it did little to quell her feelings of fear and anxiety. “I’m holding you to that, Sinclairs. Both of you.” The siblings nodded, this time in unison, as they exited the RV.

Lily settled into the seat Max just vacated, tears burning her vision. The RV felt so cold all of a sudden and she shivered violently. Cold sweat slid down her spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake. She had a sinking feeling clawing at her belly. A sense of immense dread. Somehow, deep down, she knew that all the warnings in the world were not going to be enough this time.

Steve pulled away from the Creel house, heading back towards Eddie’s trailer park. The silence in the Winnebago was not unlike the deafening silence of a funeral procession. Lily’s heart hammered in her chest. This was the exact feeling she had riding with her mother to the graveside that would serve as her final memory of her father. They were hurtling towards the Thirteenth Hour and her feeling of dread only grew. They parked a few blocks from the trailer park, behind a copse of trees so that they would not be spotted from the road. Nancy stopped them before they would climb out of the RV. 

  “Okay, I want to run through it one more time. Phase One?” She paced, her eyes darting back and forth, nerves clear in every line of her body. “We meet Erica at the Playground. She’ll signal Max and Lucas when we’re ready.” Robin replied, her own eyes trained on Nancy. Nancy nodded. “Phase 2.” Steve adjusted his jacket. “Max baits Vecna. He’ll go after her, which’ll put him in his trance.” His voice was stone cold, distant. Lily winced, her heart dropping into her shoes. She had never heard him sound so emotionless. “Phase 3?” Lily bit her lip, her dread growing. “Eddie, Lily, and I draw the bats away.” Dustin answered. Eddie clapped him lightly on top of his head, jerking it around a little in a parody of ruffling the boy’s hair. “Four.” Nancy pressed on. “We head into Vecna’s newly bat-free lair, and…” Robin lifted one of the Molotov cocktails. “Flambe.” Nancy paused, taking a deep breath. “Nobody moves on to the next phase until we’ve all copied. Nobody deviates from the plan, no matter what. Got it?” The group nodded, a collective murmur of “Got it.” rumbling through the RV. 

  The woods behind the trailer park were oddly silent as they moved through them. Lily shivered, the lack of nightlife around her making her feel odd and disoriented. She strapped her bow across her chest, her quivers of arrows strapped against her back. She crouched low, moving with the others as they made their way to Eddie’s trailer. Thankfully, it seemed that no one would be awake to discover them. They were armed to the teeth, and looked every bit like the ragtag group of teen commandos that they were going for. It reminded Lily distantly of the film "Red Dawn". Only this time there was much more at stake and they weren't fighting a human enemy. This time, it wasn't just the Soviets. Steve even had an ax strapped to his back and it glinted savagely in the moonlight. The trailer was just as they had left it, the caution tape fluttering in the breeze. 

Steve flicked on the lights, which oddly enough didn’t give him any trouble coming on. The others filed in after him, and Eddie closed the door behind them. Steve shrugged his pack off, his eyes trained on the portal. “Be careful.” Dustin told Steve, a note of anxiety in his voice. “Thanks buddy.” Steve replied, affection clear in his own tone. Not for the first time, Lily felt a pang in her heart. Family. They were family. Steve hauled himself up the linen rope, pausing only briefly as he climbed through the portal before letting go, dropping like a cat on his feet. He grinned up at the others, shrugging at his show of prowess. “Ooooh, what does he want us to do, applaud?” Robin said sarcastically. Lily had to suppress a surprised chuckle. Robin had said exactly what Lily had been thinking. Steve disappeared from sight, hauling the mattress out of Eddie’s room, laying it down for the girls to come through. Nancy was next, flopping down onto the mattress with a small gasp. Steve helped her to her feet, the shiver that passed between them nearly palpable. The packs came next, thudding heavily onto the landing pad. 

Eddie cast a small smile at Lily, who returned it, but knew that the light of it did not reach her eyes. He offered her a boost, which she took, climbing back up the rope and into the Upside Down. Her ears popped as she crossed the border and a strange calm filled her. It was not unlike the feeling of returning to a place one deemed home. But this place would never be her home. She shivered as she too, landed on the mattress. Eddie followed suit, followed by the shields, Robin, the spears, and finally Dustin, who sat up with wide eyes as he took in his surroundings. Clearly, he had never been here before despite his seemingly in depth knowledge of this place.

They filed out of the trailer, Nancy in the lead. Steve hesitated, turning back to Lily and the boys. “Hey, listen, if things here start to go south, I mean, at all, you abort. Okay? Draw the attention of the bats. Keep ‘em busy for a minute or two. We’ll take care of Vecna.” His dark eyes landed on Lily. "Be careful." Steve's voice was surprisingly soft as he spoke to her. Lily managed a small smile, but it was Eddie that answered him. "Don't worry Steve, if we can't, we will name it after you." His response was sarcastic, but it was twinged with an affection that made Lily's heart ache. For all their puffed up egos and social spectrum differences, they both had a good heart. And respected one another deeply. “Don’t try to be cute. Don’t try to be heroes. You are…” Steve continued as if he was purposely ignoring Eddie’s quip. Dustin sighed. “Decoys. Don’t worry, you can be the hero Steve.” He said sarcastically. Steve stared at him, a little hurt showing in his eyes. “Absolutely, I mean, look at us. We are not heroes.” Eddie added, casting a smile at Dustin, who returned it. Steve stared at them a moment longer then nodded, turning away. 

Robin turned back towards them, hesitating for just a moment before jogging up to Lily and wrapping her in a tight hug. Lily was startled for a second before she relaxed in the other girl’s arms. As Robin pulled away, she kissed Lily lightly on the cheek. Their eyes met. A deep emotion flitted through Robin’s cerulean eyes, and suddenly everything fell into place. “For luck.” Robin said quietly, a blush dancing across her cheeks. Lily’s eyes were wide. She understood now why there was a notable lack of chemistry between her and Steve. Why, even though they looked like a power couple, there had been no spark. It wasn’t just the fact that Steve was hung up on Nancy. Lily stretched up a little to wrap her arms around the taller girl’s neck, gripping her tightly. “You be careful, and keep those love birds out of trouble. I cannot bear to lose any more of my family. And that includes all of you.” Lily whispered, returning Robin’s kiss on the cheek. She may not feel the same way about girls as Robin did, but she was as close as a sister to her. 

  “Hey, Steve…” Eddie called as Lily let Robin go. Steve turned back to look at him. Eddie stepped so close to him that Lily couldn’t hear what they were saying. Lily exchanged a glance with Nancy, no words necessary. Nancy nodded, offering a pinched smile that also did not reach her eyes. Lily’s dread solidified like a rock in her stomach. “This isn't’ goodbye.” She told herself. “Just a ‘see you later’.” 

“Steve, if anything happens to me, I want you to promise me that you will look after Lily.” Eddie whispered. Steve shook his head. “Nothing is going to happen to you, man.” He said sternly. Eddie wondered briefly if it was Eddie or himself the other boy was trying to convince. “I know, but if by some chance something does, I need to know that I have someone I trust looking out for her. Dustin is too young. He won’t be able to take care of her. If anything happens, she'll need you.” Eddie’s eyes were intense as they stared Steve down. Steve hesitated for only a moment before he nodded. “I’ll look after her. IF something happens. Which it better not, Munson.” Eddie nodded and Steve turned away. As they stepped away, Eddie called after Steve once more. Exasperated, Steve cast an arching brow at the Metalhead. Eddie hesitated for just a second. “Make him pay.” He said, his voice hard as diamonds. Lily glanced at him, a stab of pain lancing her chest. She didn’t need to be told what that was about. She knew. Steve said nothing, but the two boys exchanged a nod that said more than any words ever could. Lily watched in pained silence as Steve, Nancy, and Robin disappeared into the woods, the darkness only marred by the staccato flashes of crimson lightning. 

Eddie turned back to the trailer, cracking his knuckles. “Alright guys, come on.” He moved to the nearest chain link fence, pulling out bolt cutters. “We gotta rig this place Bat-Proof.” He said over his shoulder. They spent the next two hours boarding up the trailer as if they were expecting a hurricane. Which, in a way, they likely were. They had time as it would take the others a bit to cross the distance to the Creel house on foot. They also had to wait for the signal from Erica. When they were done, they observed their handiwork. “Not bad.” Eddie said, a note of pride in his voice. “Not bad at all.” Dustin agreed. The boys exchanged a glance, and a smile. “Now for the fun part.” Eddie said with a chuckle. 

#eddie munson fanfic

[pikaflute]

sam and max 001 :^))

smiling and giggling. this got long because of autism.

when I started shipping it if I did

i think like. legally if you play the telltale games or consume any sam and max media youre required to think they're a old married couple. it's the law. i also thought they were gay when my tumblr mutuals put sam and max gay comps and art on my dash for many years. and shoutout to that one person who put max's penis on my dashboard too.

and special shout out to my friend teddy for getting me into these games we're going to be fighting in gladiatorial combat but like we'll be kissing while we do so.

my thoughts

theyre going to hell. like for real. do you know how much time i've spent thinking about them these past two months. like. i have a 6000+ word fic still brewing, two wips of ideas that i will probably not finish, and two google docs of headcanons for them. and my THREE playlists for them. here they are btw:

general s&m playlist - he let me hit cause i'm goofy as hell

sam playlist - look at my detective dawg, he's doomed by the narrative

max playlist - UNIDENTIFIED THING! BLOW IT UP NOW!!!

i have also spent so much on those sam and max figurines and the max plush. we're all lucky i haven't found keychains or pins yet to make an itabag. joking. maybe. anyway they're very cute and special to me. i love them so much and i love the way they love. im throwing pipe bombs at them

What makes me happy about them

i love the way they love. seriously, i read the comics over the weekend and they were very funny and very cute together. that whole road trip they took together was so adorable. i also love their interactions in hit the road. the lousy golfer bit is the most married they've ever been in my mind.

i just love couples who have been together for so long that their love language is funny banter. there's a part in 303 where sam finds max's brain and they immediately get into an argument because max was too loud. keep in mind sam just went through all the stops and was so broken up about losing max but they still have time to do this. in 304 before max turns into a monster he fucks with sam. it's really funny.

love them so much. sam throwing max out a window is a declaration of love to me.

What makes me sad about them

im under the impression that telltale games still needs to be tried in court for episode 305. like treason. TREASON. anyway post 305, they're together again (yay) but things have to be different right. like this new max does things differently than what our max did and it's making sam question if this is right. like is this really helping him let go of max? also he feels like if he gets close to this max he'll end up losing him again as he did everything he could to save max but it ended up failing at every step of the way.

meanwhile max is bottling everything up inside because he doesn't want to think about it. when he does eventually think about it, he feels awful and feels like he killed sam and is now thinking whether or not if he should stay to not allow sam to feel anymore miserable about losing max. he doesn't want to hurt sam anymore and will sacrifice his own happiness by being with sam to do that.

anyway that fic should be done soon. looking at you autistically

things done in fanfic that annoys me

surprisingly: ive only read like two sam and max fanfics (that were about them specifically, i read my lovely friend teddy's stuff because we're soul bonded) and one of them is my own draft. i think just in general, they should already be married in the fic. like even post 305 they should like get married again. sam and max have been married ever since max got one of those spider rings from sam at age 5.

things I look for in fanfic

i think they should be annoying. and in love. that's it. actually also give sam a hug max, please. please he needs a hug after the shit in season 3.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

i'm under the impression that they need to be a couple or else. like the world is going to collapse if they don't get hitched 50 times. also i don't think anyone else is right for them besides each other.

but. i have an image for this. do you get it. walk with me.

My happily ever after for them

not living in new york for one. but seriously, i think a lot of people imagine them retiring at some point, but honestly i think they would be freelance police until the end. they just love to do what they do: sam because he loves to be a detective and be with max and max because he loves to be the "long arm of the law" aka shoot people and be with sam. when they do die they're gonna terrorize hell too. you will never separate them ever again.

if they ever retire however, they are living in new jersey for my sake. i hate new york.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

"oh wouldnt sam be the big spoon because hes like 6 feet?" yeah but max is like a cunt. he tries spooning sam and sam lets him because he's a) tired and b) doesn't want to get bit right now. half way through the night sam either rolls onto max or max wants to be cuddled instead and max tries to get sam to change positions and wake up and sam ignores him because he knew this was going to happen because it happens literally every night.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

throwing rocks at each other. but also i think they really like doing any silly shit together. watching movies together but making fun of them. playing poker and max shooting the cards when he loses (which is often). them playing video games together and max breaking his controller because he lost (also happens often). them goofing off on cases. going to a diner for dinner and annoying everyone there. they just love to spend time together with one another. its so cute.

#sam and max #I LOVE GAY PEOPLE!!!!!

[wowbright]

((In all seriousness, I just thought I'd contribute to the Goncharov mystique by making up a Soviet remake. BTW, Sergei Bodrov is an actual Russian director, and he did make at least one crime film (Katala) to my knowledge.))

Are you sure you made up the Soviet remake? I started high school in 1989, and one of the few American school districts that taught a full four years of Russian. I didn't take it myself, but my friends who did were obsessed with a Russian gangster movie that had recently come out that they said was based on "the Scorsese classic." Not having been born in 1973 and also living in a house that didn't own a VCR until 1992, I thought they were talking about The Godfather (because I also kept confusing Scorcese with Coppola).

It wasn't until late in my junior year, or maybe my senior year?, that they finally got a hold of a copy that we could watch--European DVDs and videotapes weren't compatible with American players, so it required somebody going on an exchange trip to Russia (a feat in itself), getting the DVD, bringing it back to the US, finding somebody who had a DVD player that could read European DVDs (IDK may be Russian DVDs were different from even European ones), and having that person transfer the Russian version to videotape.

Anyway, I remember going over to my friend Jason's house to watch it. I didn't speak Russian beyond "hello," "very," and "glasnost" (later I would also learn how to say "it [is a] factory"), but I had watched The Godfather movies every Thanksgiving for several years so I figured I'd be able to follow along fine. Also, I had taught myself this Cyrillic alphabet, which wouldn't be relevant if it weren't for the moment that the title screen came up.

"Goncharov?" I asked. "Does that mean 'godfather'?"

Everybody looked at me like I was crazy. "You're joking, right?" my friend Beth (okay actually we weren't friends at all but we were in the same friend group so you know) said.

I didn't know what there was to joke about.

"Wait. You've seriously never heard of Goncharov? The greatest mafia movie ever made?" Jason asked. He was a real cinema snob.

"I thought that was The Godfather," I said.

So many pairs of eyes rolled.

Anyway, we watched the movie. There were no subtitles. Robin, who I knew from church but didn't really hang out with otherwise, took pity on me. She sat next to me and translated the dialogue. Sometimes this annoyed the other viewers, sometimes they jumped in and offered their own translations.

Of course, I didn't need any translation to see the chemistry between Katya and Sofia. Of course, it still remained subtext mostly, and even when they kissed it was open to interpretation about whether it was a kiss of friendship or something more. We were 20 years on from the initial filming of Goncharov, but same sex romances still weren't being portrayed on the silver screen in the U.S. except in the context of Serious Art Films that You Had to Really Hunt Down at the Video Store, and I would imagine it was even more restrictive in Russia.

Still, as a young closeted queer, the story meant everything to me.

I later got my hands on the actual Scorcese Goncharov and would watch it alone in the basement, rewinding and rewatching the scenes between Katya and Sofia so many times that the tape wore out.

Later, in college, we ended up doing our freshman class play (it was a women's college, we had a lot of weird traditions) as a parody of Goncharov. Only in our version, Katya and Sofia's kisses were unmistakably romantic, and at the end of the play they left for Hawaii and got married (it wasn't legal there, but the Hawaiian Supreme Court had ruled that not letting same-sex couples get married or register in civil partnerships was discriminatory, so we were full of hope); Goncharov and Andrey fled Italy for Denmark, where they registered as domestic partners (it was the first country in Europe to recognize relationships between same-sex couples) and transferred their business skills to start a successful floral and produce enterprise.

I realize I have now gotten way way off the topic. But wow, your question just brought back a flood of memories and I'm loving it.

Anyway, I suppose it's possible that my high school friends were misleading me about this Russian gangster movie. I mean, I *thought* the women were called Katya and Sofia, but not speaking russian, I could have been mishearing the whole thing. Maybe my wholesome church friend Robin was making up her translations just to screw with me, and that's why the others joined in so adamantly at times.

And Goncharov's a pretty common Russian name, right? So it's totally possible that there's a Russian movie with that name that has only an accidental relationship to the American one.

Honestly, at this point, I don't care if my snooty high school friends in the Russian Honor Society were fucking with me or not. They introduced me to a wonderfully homoerotic Russian movie, and also to the original Goncharov (1973). And those things warmed my closeted queer heart, and kept me going until I found real queer representation in books and made-up college plays and later in films and TV.

But I sort of hope the Russian version is real. Now that we have the internet, it shouldn't be so hard to find it. If only I still remembered how to read Cyrillic ...

#goncharov #unreality #except the stuff about the supreme Court decision in Hawaii and domestic partnership in Denmark is true #and our high school did have a Russian Honor society #and Jason and Robin were in it #and those truly are the only three things I can say in Russian #I used to also know how to say 'my cheese is your cat' and 'I so glad that the police came to our party' #but I've forgotten them now #thanks for the trip down memory lane #corey-45 #ask #also I fudged slightly on my high school and college attendance years

[electricbluebutterflies]

Helnik + “we accidentally got married in vegas oops”

Obviously modern AU, PG-ish despite the premise, and cross-posted on ao3.

He wakes up with the worst headache of his life. No, not headache, hangover, holy shit this is what he gets for thinking he could be the reasonable adult along for the ride with all of these…

Truth be told, the events that threw their sextet together are a little hazy by mutual agreement, but it involved a service-project day their freshman year and somehow they got thrown together and didn’t kill each other despite a bouquet of personality clashes and… in hindsight, birdhouses probably shouldn’t look so much like abstract art, but nobody got hurt in any way that would require so much as multiple bandaids to fix and that felt like something of a miracle at the time. And from there, well, it was obvious enough that they were all misfits – Jesper and Nina each individually having more social skills than the other four of them put together, which wasn’t saying much – and phone numbers got exchanged and somehow it turned into the chaotic found-family friend group Matthias never knew he needed.

And honestly, right now he’s questioning every second of the past three and a half years. He feels like something tried to run him over. Honestly, given there are a few hours of his life he can’t account for, that’s actually plausible. And if he feels that bad, being built as he is, God only knows how bad-

Oh. Oh shit. There is someone else in this hotel bed with him and yeah no this is on track to be the worst morning of his life and that’s probably what he gets for thinking nothing could top that one incident where someone in the group – he refuses to know more details than he has to about their adventures – may have questionably acquired a paintball gun and-

“Good morning!”

Yeah. He’s in hell.

Nina, to her credit, does not look like roadkill. Nina, he has learned over the past three and a half years, has a remarkable ability to hide however she’s feeling despite having the shortest fuse of the sextet. She’s the only person he’s ever known who can look that cute while half a second from trying to murder someone, which… was probably the moment he realized he was a little bit in love with her, come to think of it, and-

No. This is no time for flashbacks. Nina is curled up in a hotel bed next to him, at the very least shirtless which means probably completely naked, and he’s in the same condition and oh fuck this is not how he ever planned on this happening, they’ve had their flirtation for years but it only recently seemed like something he could act on and a few kisses were one thing but great he’s probably gone and slept with her and he doesn’t exactly remember that happening and-

Her hand pokes out from under the covers, and that ring was not there last time he remembers looking at her, and okay yeah now there is no way this can get any worse. Right? Like, he does know she has an implant, and he kinda wishes he didn’t know that given the circumstances but right now it’s the only comfort he can find, oh good grief did they manage to make every possible stupid decision last night or-

“Please tell me this is not what it looks like,” he says, and he’s half amazed the words even come out in the right order.

“No can do!”

She is way, way too cute for these circumstances. Dammit.

“Do you at least remember…”

“You thinking you could outdrink Jes, yeah, that was strike one. And it was cute so the rest of us let it go. And then we were wandering around, and we happened to walk past one of those wedding chapels, and-“

“So other people know this happened.”

“Yes. The rest of our group, and the least convincing Elvis impersonator I’ve seen this week and god there are hundreds of them out here, I think Inej said she saw a sign for a convention or something and-“

“And this is… legally binding?”

“Probably? Jes snatched the marriage certificate as soon as we signed it so I’m not sure that’s even accounted for but-“

Yeah. This is what he gets for thinking that, as designated responsible adult of the group – which is to say three years older than the rest of them with a nipped-in-the-bud military career and a recurrently fucked-up shoulder to show for it – he could more or less chaperone a spring-break Vegas trip. So much for that.

“We can get an annulment. If you want.”

Nina leans in and kisses his cheek, and god she’s so soft and perfect and no bad stop those thoughts, and she’s purring and her hair is everywhere and-

“I do not want. But if you do, I’ll deal, and if you distract I can probably steal Jes’s phone and delete the pictures and-“

“I think we have a few days to decide if we want to… do this. And I’d like to take them.”

“So, you���re not divorcing me before this cheap-ass ring turns my finger green?”

“Not yet.”

“Cool. If it matters, this is how I always figured I’d get married, so…”

This is a terrible idea, a crown on the top of three and a half years of terrible ideas, and he’s never wanted anything more. Is it wrong to think that? Is it wrong to want this, questionably legally binding as it may be? He’s never thought of himself as the marrying type, but if it ever happened, he thinks, there’s a certain kind of perfection in this and-

“We can try. If it makes you happy.”

She tackles him. That feels like a yes.

#helnik #ebf writes fic

[chryzure-archive]

isdfuygvfszi I just remembered that AU where Chrysi and Azure were married and then Azure died and Jacks and Chrysi got married and then Azure came BACK TO LIFE... CAN I HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS

YEAH YEAH YEAH, i remember i gave a basic rundown of the au somewhere on this blog, but i don’t know where it is. so. that’s an issue.

ANYWAY, YES!!! chrysi and azure were both the it couple in ghost hunting circles. everyone was either happy for them or jealous of them. and jacks was chrysi and azure’s friend around this time (because jacks being the little accessory pet of that relationship is very funny to me)—but let’s be real, he had the tiniest crush on chrysi.

obviously he respects chrysi and azure’s relationship too much to do anything about it—plus, he’s pursuing someone else instead.

well, long story short, azure dies on one of the cases he and chrysi take on. it was a combination of bad luck, chrysi being in danger, and azure jumping in the way to protect her. he doesn’t remember anything after that because, well, he’s super dead now.

chrysi is destroyed after he dies. she’s found with azure’s body in her arms, and she’s screaming and desperately trying to bring him back to life (azure and her were trying to figure out the extent of her ghost witch powers and azure mentioned that some ghost witches can bring people back to life. clearly chrysi doesn’t know how.) jacks is ultimately the one to drag her away from azure’s body. he’s the only one that can survive her grief.

after that, jacks spends a lot of time with chrysi to help her. she’s a ghost of herself after azure dies and it breaks his heart (he doesn’t realize it’s beating. not yet. but it is.)

eventually, as the years pass, chrysi heals enough and realizes that she likes jacks back. it’s kind of a realization that dawns on both of them after they’ve essentially dated for months. like, chrysi’s making breakfast and jacks is sitting at the table while reading something, and chrysi’s like “so. are we boyfriend and girlfriend?” and jacks is like “………….are we?” i mean, he has been living there, unofficially, and chrysi and jacks have kissed before.

at that point, they start dating.

around this time, emery runs away from home and shows up at chrysi’s doorstep like “hi! you’re my legal guardian now because i can’t stand my mom :)” so their little family gains another person.

when they end up getting married, it’s a really tough decision for chrysi, since she’s still in pain over azure dying. jacks is super patient as she goes through all the stages of grief again, but he’s thrilled when she agrees to a wedding.

it’s a personal wedding. they put up all the pictures of it near the wedding pictures chrysi has with azure (they still have azure’s photos on the walls, since it feels wrong to erase him. as time goes on, it just makes chrysi feel wistful and nostalgic).

things are going great! until chrysi goes out of town and jacks is the one basically in charge of their town’s supernatural-hunting team. nobody should leave jacks in charge.

anyway, some people come back to life in the graveyard. azure is one of them.

he’s incredibly disoriented when he drags himself out of the dirt. you can imagine how fucking disoriented jacks is when he’s called out to the graveyard and sees his wife’s dead husband (and others) suddenly alive.

jacks does not handle this very well. for example: he does not tell chrysi what happened.

(chrysi’s out of town on a girls’ trip with emery and filly and luna rune. he gets the feeling that chrysi would want him to interrupt this bonding time, but he also doesn’t want to tell chrysi that azure’s alive because of this nagging fear that she’ll leave him now that azure’s back)

he instead takes all the resurrected people to a safe house and tells them that they need to stay there. then he calls simeon, who comes in, sees azure, then immediately drags jacks out of the room to yell at him. this is absolutely a situation that requires chrysi’s input.

jacks still refuses to call chrysi (DUDE!!!!) and he doesn’t let azure know what’s going on.

azure, for his part, can tell something’s up. jacks is acting really weird around him and chrysi’s not back yet. as he’s trying to figure out what the hell is going on, conni (also resurrected) sneaks out. he can’t handle being cooped up.

azure chases after conni once he realizes he’s gone.

along the way, they run into some shady individuals that might have something to do with their sudden return to life. it’s not a very safe interaction, and it ends with conni and azure making a break for it.

azure, for fear of leading them back to the safe house, takes a detour. he knows a house in this area with the same magical protections as the safe house, and it’s in the opposite direction. problem solved!

so he breaks into his old house (chrysi keeps the key in the same place, and azure figures it can’t have been that long since his death. um.) and he is greeted by photos of chrysi and jacks all over the walls.

this does not endear jacks to him. and yes, while azure’s somewhat mollified by the fact that his old photos are also still up, he’s in agony over chrysi moving on and choosing to be with jacks.

chrysi happens to come home from the girls’ trip right at this time, which… yikes. she can immediately tell there’s an intruder in the house, so she tells emery to stay in the car while she investigates.

azure and conni (who has jst been awkwardly standing there while azure came to the realization that his wife married his best friend) scramble to hide.

as chrysi walks the house, azure keeps an eye on her through a crack in the door. it hurts, seeing her again—it’s like his body can instinctively tell that it’s been years since he died, and that they’re no longer for each other.

then conni finds an escape route and they get out of there.

back at the safe house, jacks is freaking the fuck out because azure’s no longer there. yes, it’s concerning for azure’s safety or whatever, but most importantly, jacks doesn’t want chrysi to figure out azure’s alive again.

when azure comes storming back into the safe house, jacks begins to yell at him—only for azure to sock him right in the jaw.

right. okay. he didn’t expect that.

thaaaat’s right about when azure starts yelling at him for marrying his wife (“how long did you wait before you forced her to love you?” because even though he knows that chrysi’s immune to jacks’s powers, he still hates the thought of her moving on with jacks). conni wishes he could be recording this. simeon also thinks that jacks deserves this, just a little bit.

meanwhile, chrysi can tell something is off. she drives to the cemetery and finds, oh, well! there are empty graves! awesome! why the hell did nobody tell her about this? as she walks through the graves, she takes note of whose grave is empty. when she gets to azure’s, her blood runs cold.

oh, she needs to have a little talk with jacks. right now.

that’s how she finds azure fucking kicking jacks into the ground, and honestly? deserved.

she had an idea of azure being alive, but seeing him, breathing and real? uhhhhhhhhhhh. uhm!! she doesn’t know what to do.

she does stop azure’s savage beating of jacks (jacks gave up at a certain point lmao, he was jst curled up on himself as he endured), but when she takes jacks into the next room over, she slaps him.

jacks is not having a very good day.

anyway, after that, she goes into Very Professional Mode, and suddenly it’s like she was never married to either Azure or Jacks. she starts trying to figure out precisely what is going on and what the danger is. jacks and azure keep looking at each other with seething rage, but chrysi shuts down any other attacks by reminding them of the situation at hand.

well, around here is when chrysi discovers there’s a range of area that these newly-resurrected people can continue to survive in—evidenced by one of them running away and trying to escape, only to immediately turn to dust and disappear. well, that’s fucking inconvenient.

the more they investigate, the more they discover that the area of survival is shrinking, so that’s also not good.

anyway, in between all this time, when azure finally gains the courage to ask why chrysi married jacks, she looks at him and asks, “would you have wanted me to grieve your death until i died too? did you want me to be alone after you left?” he doesn’t have a very good answer to that. no, he didn’t want her to be alone, but he doesn’t like seeing her with jacks now that he’s back. there are no right answers.

anyway, that’s abt as much as i had planned for this concept,,,,, obviously i love it, but i need to figure out where to go w it now lol

#.asks #m.filly✨ #s.chrysijacks #s.chryzure #jacks is super fucking stressed this entire time also lmaoooo #he doesn’t know when azure’s going to take another swing at him

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

You know, I’d never seen a Douglas Sirk film before, and I think I may have been right not to bother.

After all these years of seeing film experts gushing, and his films being a weird gap in my film viewing, I thought what the heck. So tonight I watched All That Heaven Allows and discovered something: I absolutely do NOT understand humans.

Ok, so basically it involves a romance between an “older” woman from uptight privilege and a young guy that a decade later would have been a hippie but since it’s the 50s, he’s woodsy fella with salt of the earth and artsy city escapee type friends. And naturally it’s about the tension over these “huge” differences.

Let’s start with age thing. Now the age difference seemed so slight I was like, “what, is she 40 and him 30”, but then I looked it up and the actress was only 38 and him 30. This hardly seems like some huge age gap!! And yet everyone acts like she should be getting ready for the grave, tutting at her showing cleavage or wearing red. Oh, they suggest she should marry a dude that looks old enough to be her father, for companionship don’t ya’ know, but the idea that she might want a romance seems unthinkable to everyone. Wouldn’t she just like a brand new shiny tv to “fill up” her time?

Seriously???

Almost everyone is against the relationship. Her young adult kids are utterly obnoxious assholes, not even having the decency to be simply upset that their dead dad might be replaced, but really freaking out because she is “old” and not “acting her age”! And, of course, he’s of the class thought of as “the help”, so snobbery rears it’s head too. Her so called friends are not the slightest bit better, made worse with the whole catty gossip thing that throbs through the community. Because she is too old, don’t ya know!

Please!! I have a decade on her and I don’t think I’m too old to do whatever the fuck I want or dress however the fuck I like. If a guy younger than me was into me, and I loved him, I wouldn’t be going all panicky and saying it was “impossible”. I’d be like “Hell, ya! Can I move into the old mill you fixed up to be our home tonight, or are you going to make me wait until we are married? ‘Cause if you are wanting the whole legal thing, I’m free tomorrow!”

I think half way through the movie yelling “You stupid fucking bitch!” at the screen is not a good sign.

Oh, and being the 1950s, there is forced male kissing. This is seen as bad when it was the dude at a party that she wasn’t into, but good when it is Rock Hudson. I dunno. I also don’t get Rock Hudson. Oh, I thought he was great in the movie Seconds, but as a romantic lead I don’t get it. Maybe it’s like with Elvis, I don’t get 1950s “sexy” dudes dudes and their gravity defying greased hair. But even if I were swooning, I really hate the way guys in old stuff just grabbed a gal for a kiss without her having any say in it. My Mom always used to say “Oh hit him!!” when guys in movies did that sort of thing, and boy do I agree!

Weirdly the romance seems to just be required by the script, but never sold to the audience. While you can see he’s sketched out so as to make him enticing, a man apart from rigid society, why exactly does he fall in love with her? He likes her legs, fine, but what else? Does she have hobbies, other than liking chunks of fancy ceramics she mentions? Do they have ANY common interests or dreams? Who the hell is she as a person?

Anyway, the movie boils down to a woman being a weakling to social pressure, a doormat to her kids and social circle, and so getting all freaked out at being in love with “the wrong guy”. YAWN!

I guess I am totally not the person for soap operas where the drama comes from society influences and norms. I have just never properly felt like a part of any society. I never even understood peer pressure as a kid, like who the hell are my peers and why should they make any difference in what I say or do?

I wish I belonged somewhere, don’t get me wrong, but I prefer to be myself even if it is lonely. And this woman would NOT be alone, so I have no patience with her. Grow a spine already and stop dragging it out for this 15hr movie!

Oh, wait. It wasn’t even 90minutes. It just felt damn endless!

Still, I can say I finally saw a Sirk film. Never have to bother with that again!

At least I was distracted from lobster envy! Any time there is a reference to someone eating lobster I get grumpy. I sooooo miss lobster! LOL

#movies #all that heaven allows

[adpiratecore]

Got sent a ton of numbers from the ask game post by the ever lovely @rovah17 via pm!

So here we go!

4. What are you looking forward to?

My camping trip! My birthday is next week, so me and the Boys are driving all the way to Utah (22 hrs) to camp and hopefully dig for crystals!

5. Is there anyone that can always make you smile?

My lovely fiance and partner :)

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Absolutely. Still not over the girl i dated freshman year of highschool, genuinely thought she was an ethereal being and had full plans to marry her.

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Sure! If you dont know me. Once uget to know me my shit is obvious lol

11. Are you listening to music rn?

Nah im listening to asmr lol

12. What is something you want right now?

I want a giant minecraft creeper plush. Like. Body pillow size. (Oh my god what if there was one of those overly sexual body pillow covers but with a creeper--- i would buy that ngl. As long as it wasnt super sexual lol)

13. How do you feel right now?

Honestly? Kinda depressed. Ive been in a weird funkrecently.

15. Personality description

I dont ever post about it, but I've actually got DID (dissociative identity disorder) so that one's hard to pinpoint? But i guess the "singletsona" or the mask we put on for basically everyone we're not close with is "chaotic nerdy punk"

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone but you didnt?

Well, my partner (as mentioned above) is a fairly new relationship. Not even a month yet new. And we went to this convention together! Anime midwest! And we were sitting out by the fountain in the area where cars pull in for drop offs and deliveries. And all i could think about was "this would be a perfect area for a first kiss" but i chickened out and thoughtit was too soon and what if they get weirded out and--- they still dont know.

17. Opinion on insecurities.

So honestly? I think its good to have some insecurities. Like i think if everyone walked around thinking they were perfect all the time, there would be no growth as human beings, emotionally i mean. I have plenty of insecurities myself, BUT this reminds me of how many people ask me for fashion advice! I dress very alternatively and really adore my fashion style and ive yet to get a negative reaction from someone. Besides the point though, i once answered that question with "Wear what makes you want. If it makes you happy it looks good, and if someone's staring it means your hot." That just kinda randomly spewed out of my mouth and the person was like "wow thats kind of inspiring"

20. What is your favorite song at the moment?

Oh gosh good question!! Kind of depends on the vibe really, but the one i get most excited for and always sing along to is Flight Of The Crows by Jhariah

21. Age and birthday?

21!! 22 on july 26th :D

23. Fear(s)

That everyone secretly hates/dislikes me and is only keeping up relationships bc they want something out of me :)

25. Role model

Honestly i dont think i have a role model atm! I try not to compare myself with people, so my brain has turned that into dont try to be like anyone. If i reeeeeally had to choose though, my elementary school (?) Art teacher. He not only helped me with the first art project i was ever proud of, he also would be playing guitar as we walked into class and when he stopped and we thought he was done and started clapping, hed start playing again. He even played behind his head if i recall correctly!

27. Things i hate

I hate cringe culture. I also hate fast fashion. I also hate anything that makes fun of children for their interests.

28. I'll love you if...

My love language is touch, and i have chronic pain, THEREFORE, if you give me a massage im legally required to marry you. Before we started dating, i was making waffles for my partner and complained about my shoulders. They randomly came up and gave me a massage! They're stuck with me forever now (sorry babe i dont make the rules)

31. 3 random facts

AAAA I TELL THIS ONE TO EVERYONE! Any bees you see outside the hive (aka worker bees) are female! All the males are drones and only serve as reproduction matter. Had a (female) boss tell me "thats not true, they're called "worker" bees" n i looked at her, at her job, and was like "what are you doing right now"

Link, from legend of zelda, is canonically androgynous! He was designed to be able to connect with on a personal level, and therefore whatever gender the player wanted him to be

My initials are MEM and i have a friend who wanted me to marry someone whos last name started with E so we could hyphenate the last names and make my initials MEME

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Mainly girls and nonbinary folk!

33. Something you want to learn

BLACKSMITHING

34. Most embarrassing moment

Idk if this is the MOST embarrassing bc memory bad but i was on my first date with my last ex, we were bowling and it was a double date with two of their friends. They get up to bowl and as theyre trying to head to the ball dispenser, i move to touch their butt as a joke (they didnt mind we were both v touchy) and they moved away right as i did so i missed and fell off the bench. They didnt even notice lol!

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

I want a farm. Not any sort of big thing, just enough acres for a few animals, a nice garden, and some bees. And maybe a blacksmith workshop.

On that farm, i want a divination shop! Just a little building with a front room for supplies and such, but the main attraction are the two back rooms. Decked out with tapestries and blankets and pretty fabric decorating the walls and ceilings, super comy couches or chairs around a beautiful table where we host readings of all sorts. Tarot, rune, bone throws, ect.

As soon as the farm starts up this one will likely be done, but to fill the time between now and then (bc farm is end goal) id love to be a theatre costume designer! Head honcho would be best, but honestly I'll take any position sewing :)

40. Favorite memory

Again, memory bad, but a good one is taking pictures of the highschool ex i thought i was gonna marry. I was in a photography class, and at the time planned on being a photographer professionally, so we ran around her neighborhood (she lived in a really nice area) and took pictures! Theres one of here where the sun speckles in and makes a bunch of "orbs" and it looks like shes surrounded by faeries.

51. Starsign

Leo sun, gemini moon, libra rising

52. Something you're talented at

I dont really think im talented at anything, but if i didnt say singing i think my friends would have me on a stake lol

53. 5 things that make me happy

Bees, stuffed animals, finishing costumes, my partners, and puppets!

55. Tumblr friends

Honestly i rlly dont have people i talk to consistently here, but id definitely say @rovah17 is one of em!! Thanks for being sweet bro :)

59. Why i joined tumblr

I was 14 and my friend i roleplayed with every single day told me i had to check this site out. Idr her reasoning, probably smth about fandoms, but ive been stuck ever since. I wish i could remember my first url lol!

That was long and i talked far too much but that was really fun to write!!!

#scouts log