#im in actual physical pain

[kingprinceleo]

just kinda a thing i wanted to say since ik i have younger artists following me (its applicable to everyone really, but very important to form care habits as early as possible) i read about others artists experiencing pain from overworking and i always thought to myself, i wouldnt let that happen to me, im real young, i still have time before i have to worry about really damaging my body

but your body really doesnt care, if you push yourself, if you ignore the pain, its going to fuck you up. maybe for the rest of your life please god take care of yourself when you draw, write, game, literally anything. stretch your wrists, fingers, dont keep your elbow in a locked a position for too long, especially dont lean on your elbows. get up around every 45 minutes, drink water, eat food, use the bathroom, stretch your whole body and your hands again. walk outside and let your eyes readjust your body is trying to communicate with you for a reason when you start hurting, please listen to it, be kind to yourself, you deserve it

#source firsthand as im the idiot who drew for like 6 hours straight #like actually non fucking stop for even a second #until the pain got so bad my hand felt like it was fucking scalding #and i kept going anyway until i physically could not put any more lines down on the page #almost everyday since then my arm and hand has ached and felt weird and i literally cant do anything i used to before i did this to myself #i cant play games i cant write #i cant even use my mouse with my right hand for casual scrolling #please take care of yourselves

[todayisafridaynight]

minedai week day 1: bar/drink

Prompts

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza series #daigo dojima #yakuza 3 #yoshitaka mine #minedai #minedaiweek #minedaiweek2023 #snap sketches #i couldnt even focus on this by the time i got to the background i was too busy fucking cacklnig #strem was too funny tday ho my god im in actual physical pain... worth tho..

[asharestupid]

I don't think people understand how bad cfs actually is. Like whenever I tell ppl a lot of them are like "oh haha yah me too" and just... No??? A few hours ago I was so tired I couldn't even move (not an exaggeration, I was literally stuck in bed, laying down without being able to even turn over) cfs is an actual thing and I hate that ppl do this with things they don't understand. Disabilities aren't adjectives.

#im still stuck in bed but now i can move a bit lol #i mean a win is a win #cfs #chronic fatigue #actually chronically ill #chronically ill #chronic pain #chronic illness #disability #actually disabled #disability awareness #physical disability #disabled #flare up #flare ups suck #i hate them #im so tired #chronic fatigue syndrome #writers on tumblr #ableism #fuck ableists #ableist bullshit

[duality-disability]

is any other disabled person tired of 'throw a medication at it' approaches that a lot of doctors seem to have?

In Feburary I had an appointment with an allergist; I was told to not take any antihistimines for 7 days before this appointment because they would mess with allergy testing. Prior to that, I've been having hives every day for a week.

I stopped the antihistimines, The hives got so bad that I had to go to urgent care because I could not walk. They gave me enough steriods to last until the allergist appointment.

The allergist appointment comes... They refuse to do any allergy testing. They looked for markers of inflamation in my blood, and told me to follow up in a month after perscribing an antihistimine to take daily.

They told me because the hives weren't chronic [lasting over 6 months], and weren't affecting my respitory system, they were not concerned with allergy testing and were only focused on symptom management.

The first antihistimine they perscribed made my throat start to swell shut; so we moved on. I now take 2 capsules of 180mg of Allegra, once in the morning and once at night.

I still have hives, every day.

I informed my doctor. They added 40mg of famotidine.

I still have hives, every day. They just changed spots.

I still dont know what's causing it. It's been weeks of this. I'm exhausted.

They refuse to do any testing.

(This excludes the weekly random swelling I've been having since December, which they also refuse to test anything for)

#chronic illness #disability #physical disability #actually disabled #chronic disability #chronic pain #chronically ill #im so tired

[raincamp]

the masculine urge to throw myself down a stairwell because i feel like nobody is paying attention to me

#i can deal with physical pain #broken bones? open wounds? fine #nothing can compare to the amount of pain i feel when i realize that nobody cares #actually bpd #im not mentally stable #bpd struggles #bpd stuff #actually mentally ill #bpd #borderline personality disorder #borderline #bpd relatable #relatable #depression #ptsd #cluster b

[ruins-and-rewritez]

Remember that time Matthias called Nina "Little Red Bird" because I was thinking about it and

Evocation of Love and Loss? Really Leigh? In front of my salad?

#im actually crying over this #like theres water in my eyes #?!?! #nina zenik #matthias helvar #helnik #excuse me while i think about this for the rest of my life #im physically in pain #hlep #six of crows duology #six of crows #leigh bardugo #rarzo

[witch-wagon]

Im on so many meds that my blood is considered a pharmacy lmao

#actually disabled #disability #disabled #chronic illness #cripple punk #chronically ill #fibromyalgia #spoonie #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #im chronically ill ppl #cripple shit #cripplepunk #actuallydisabled #disabilties #disabled community #physically disabled #disabled life #invisible disability

[good-beanswrites]

I’m thinking about the angst of the restraints headcanon again. There’s the two with the least physically violent crimes, and they rank relatively low in strength. There’s the child who was violent but had to be really crafty about it; she’s the weakest of all of them. And the most dangerous of the guilty prisoners cannot be restrained.

This makes me so emotional!!! All three are the smallest of their circles. Two of them are extremely ordinary people who have never experienced/expressed physical violence before. One hadn't even fathomed the idea of someone dying until they actually did. And yet, they're subjected to the type of restraints you'd expect to see on someone who is uncontrollably violent. The fact that prisoners who committed very gruesome murders can walk free (including Mikoto) just adds insult to injury. I still couldn't everything into words, but here's a Mahiru-centric drabble featuring the same thoughts. It takes place after T1 closes but before the attacks.

“Where are our rights?”

Fuuta’s shout caused Mahiru to wince. She perched on her bedding, watching the two prisoners she’d invited to her cell. It hadn’t been the fun kind of invitation, though. Back in school, she always wanted to have parties and dates back at her place. Moving to the city, she imagined what it would be like to make university friends and take them back home with her to talk, eat, and have fun. 

Sitting in her dim gray cell with Fuuta and Amane, all of them held fast by complex sets of restraints, was not what she’d had in mind.

Amane knelt in the corner. Her arms were crossed, as if pouting, though the opposite was true. A moment ago her eyes had lowered in prayer, but it was difficult to find any peace of mind now. Fuuta snapped and shouted as he paced the length of the cell bars. They were unlocked, but like the others, he didn’t feel like being out in front of everyone. He’d give his uniform a violent jerk every now and then, but it didn’t do any good. Between his strides and growls, he made Mahiru think of those poor wild animals they keep at the circus.

“Take it easy, Fuuta.” She mustered up a smile. “Come rest with us.”

“I can’t believe you two. You’re just gonna sit here and take it? I didn’t do a fucking thing! They’re acting like I’m some big danger to society,” he yanked his arms again, to no avail. “All I did was type some things onto a screen. I’m not gonna go around stabbing anyone or anything. And you, you didn’t hurt anyone either!”

He nodded his head to Mahiru. If her arms weren’t already folded over her chest, she would have hugged herself anyway. 

“Well… I did hurt him in the end… I broke his heart badly enough that… I mean, he…”

Fuuta made a disgusted sound. “That’s all stupid romance stuff. I’m saying, you never stabbed him. Never strangled him. Never poisoned his food, or –”

“Oh god, no! How horrible…”

“Exactly! From what we’ve heard, it sounds like Haruka killed someone with his bare hands. I think Muu had a knife or something. Shidou had a whole arsenal of grisly doctor tools. Kotoko has openly talked about how she beat that guy to death. Why are they allowed to walk free while we’re tied down like wild animals?”

Mahiru was glad she hadn’t mentioned the circus.

“And Amane! It’s not like she did anything violent, and here she is!”

“That is not true.”

Both paused as Amane spoke up for the first time. 

“Eh?”

“While I disagree with my verdict, the restraints make sense.” The others still stared blankly. As matter-of-fact as always, she continued. “I killed with my own hands. I used the amount of force I was instructed to. Just as the sinner fears the wrath of heaven, I can understand how the godless warden would fear my justice.”

Fuuta’s passion wavered, but Mahiru could feel her heart ache for the girl. “Oh Amane… I had no idea. To be pushed to the point of violence at your age…”

“I am not to be pitied. As I said, I am dangerous, and proud to be. I am doing god’s work. All heroes must be dangerous.”

Fuuta grunted, but said nothing. Mahiru gave her a gentle smile. “It’s not pity. Even if you were dangerous, it’s horrible to restrain someone like you. You’ve already had to brave so much, as the smallest of the bunch.”

She looked between the two. A sad laugh escaped her. “Now that I think of it, I guess we’re all the smallest here, hm? Aside from maybe Muu, we don’t have much height or strength on the others…”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Fuuta cried. “The fuck do they think we’re going to do?” Mahiru was just glad he’d focused on that rather than the fact she’d just called him weak. 

Voices raised in conversation down the hallway. Mikoto’s laugh echoed faintly into the cell.  

It warmed Mahiru to hear. Things had been so hard on him here. Though it had been frightening to hear him shouting at the restraints til his voice was raw – well, it wasn’t him shouting – it had been a relief when he appeared free and relaxed the following day. He seemed sheepish that he wasn’t able to help the others, having no memory of his escape. Mahiru just kept telling him how happy she was for him.

Fuuta didn’t share in the sentiment. “Meanwhile, Mikoto gets to stroll around free, and he beat the shit out of Es! He could snap and kill any one of us here, and they don’t even give a damn. But ooohhh, god forbid the guy who’s never been violent a day in his life is allowed to use his own two hands!”

The harshness of his voice wasn’t doing his argument many favors. Still, his words were beginning to get through to Mahiru. 

She’d worked so hard to be a model citizen. She was supposed to have a perfect life. She could cook, clean, sew, and take care of children. She did herself up every day; she was never a slob or a slut. She was generous to everyone she met. She showered the world around her in love. Wasn’t it unfair that her hands were tied like some common criminal? What was all that effort for – being patient when people upset her, being kind even when she disagreed with someone, all of that – if she was going to end up in the same place as someone who had stabbed another out of sheer malice?

Amane didn’t seem to be whirling with the same doubts. She closed her eyes once more. “It is simply a trial from heaven. We may be small, but all of us have an internal strength that will carry us through the ordeal.”

“I don’t think it’s any sort of religious thing, but you’re right,” Fuuta puffed his chest out. “Trials like this only make people stronger!” 

“Do you think so?” Mahiru wasn’t sure if she was asking either of them or just musing to herself. It was a nice thought. This was all part of destiny, something meant to be that would make her stronger in the end. 

But she wasn’t so sure she believed in destiny anymore. It hadn’t quite worked out the first time. 

“Hell yeah!” Fuuta must have assumed she was in fact asking him. He gave a wide, toothy grin. “It’s not like we can get any weaker, right? The warden better watch out next trial – they’ve got a big storm coming!”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose #and then we had a big storm coming 😔 #thank you for the ask pal!!! im not sure if the drabble is what you had in mind but it was really fun to write lol #mahiru canonically being really tiny and trying to be the model nonconfrontational woman... #fuuta being so small and specifically saying hes never been violent toward anyone and never wanted anyone to get physically hurt... #(and something about fuuta being the closest to the average milgram fan) #amane being very small and weak and only killed a specific person for a very predictable reason... #and theyre all treated like wild animals that could snap at any time :(( #meanwhile the actually unpredictable one who Did lash out and hurt someone just strolls around free #not that its anyones fault hes free -- it wasnt on purpose -- but still it makes the situation that much more painful #it makes me crazy!! i thought putting it into action would help communicate my ideas but idk #drabbles

[bloodiegawz]

*skitters in* LILIA AND BO LILIA AND BO LILIA AND BO LILIA AND-

Lilia is someone Bo runs into often, but strangely doesn't know much about. In the hallways, or the cafeteria... pretty much anywhere, really. They get along quite nicely for the most part- with Lilia's love for spooking people, Bo often finds himself tense around the guy earlier on, but eases up after making it clear he despises being snuck up on (see: burst into tears after getting jumpscared one too many times)

Bo tends to drop by random club meetings a lot which is where he properly gets to know these strangers. The Pop Music Club is one of his favorites, whether they're actually having a rare jam session or not. Although it's a group effort, Lilia is the one who encourages Bo to pick up music again and helps him relearn guitar as well as share his knowledge of random assorted instruments.

They also both tend to make a lot of "old person back pain" jokes, funnily enough. Not that Bo is aware that Lilia is, in fact, one of those fabled old people. Lilia will poke fun at him for it, also constantly pointing out if Bo has neglected wearing his braces or is slouching. He will not have this kiddo dealing with joint pain that hard if he can help it.

At the end of the day, they're on good terms, and Lilia is someone Bo could reliably turn to for advice on practically anything, or really just a good story. They're not particularly close, but definitely someone Bo would call a friend.

#twst #ask #twst: bo #yuusona #lilia vanrouge #gawzdrawz #did this listening to the cuphead ost #anyway #dads am i right #bo exhausted from not sleeping again: ujfgngnngnfngn life is hell #lilia having raised silver: boy do i have the Home Remedy for you #a trend i see in a lot of bo's relationships #he likes to Complain to people he's close to #for lilia its his physical pain #with heartshackle its schoolwork #leona gets his sleepy tired rants #ruggie gets the 'ohhhh my god i dont remember ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF' sobbing misery fits #jack.... actually jack is safe #rook gets a whole bunch of silence which is somehow actually worse #im getting off track lmao #i think bo often tries to act super formal to the diasomnia guys #since he knows malleus is close with them #but he's so fucking bad at it

[szappan]

university.. university leave me alone

#heres the situation: for my cognitive literary studies class (quite fun) we had to pick primary material and a cognitive angle to analyse it #from. and the deadline was coming up and i who have been thinking very intensely about robots for the last half a year picked #yeah you guessed it. fucking PIERS PLOWMAN. which is not fun for me but i panicked about the deadline #so now i have to do something about piers plowman and its cognitive literary properties #and im in hell this is hell i have been extremely stressed about piers plowman for a month. to the point where ive been in physical pain #AND I CANNOT. THINK OF ANYTHING. ABOUT PIERS PLOWMAN. #and the teacher for that class is so nice and chill and she was like you can pick anything at all. and i went with piers plowman #like it's interesting but from what COGNITIVE angle can i approach piers plowman. #ive been thinking about saying exactly this that piers plowman is more for historical linguists and theologists than narratologists but im #also positive plenty of scholars read piers plowman for the plot #so then i thought about the characters and whether you can Connect with them and whether they help you Immerse yourself in the story and #other terminology i learned in cognitive literary studies class. #theyre allegorical and very 1 dimensional and there could be something about whether we from 2024 understand them in the same way #people from the 14th century did. like this was what i put in my proposal when i made it #but now i actually have to make the slides and use cognitive literary papers for this and it's just not going at all. i cant do it. #i cant do anything i cant enjoy the daylight and the warmer weather i cant think about anything other than im not making progress on this #and it's bad for me!! it's bad for my health i feel bad. why did i go with piers plowman why did i not pick watership down #my post #i have plenty to say about watership downm cognitively. #also about old possums book of practical cats #maybe i could email her and tell her id like to change it.. no #ive also been reading the tombs of atuan which is incredible

[zeezu-ix]

really do hope i get over this initial anxiety over posting au stuff. its really frustrating constantly overthinking every little detail before i decide to post something because there's always the thought that arghh what if people think my ideas are stupid??

coming up with them is easy its just finding the drive and confidence to share those ideas thats hard as hell.

#alot of my notes in my doc (for this au and like alot of my other personal stuff) is written exactly how I'd initially thought of the idea #it often makes it sound like im talking to myself through it but its the easiest eay for me to get said ideas down #CONVERTING THAT TO. ACTUAL PARAGRAPHS EXPLAINING THINGS THOUGH IS OUGHHHH HARD #also dialogue is a pain in the ass #its a part of the reason i dont draw comics. i can easily picture physical interaction but the conversations with said interactions #is ALOT harder for me to do #it is something i really want to improve in though!!!!

[potatobugz]

*leans against door seductively* does anyone have any tips on what to do when its hard + uncomfortable to breathe and ur heart is beating faster than normal to the point where its hard to focus on anything else

#rambles #/genuine #preferably without having to go to a hospital or anything #i dont have Money and also i dont want to go anywhere or call anyone i just wanna feel better enough to finish this drawing #and/or go to sleep please please pls #dont stress or worry abt anything btw im fine im just In Pain and its hard to ignore. ots not even the kind that hurts a lot #i just feel horrible in a physical way like im out of breath #will delete later sory if this is a scary post #at all. again donot worry i will be A OKAY #i hate when my body does scary shit like this man i just wanna draw km already constantly paranoid abt stuff like this #(shh dont tell anotne i said this but im gonan start crying like actually 😼) #i guarantee my own safety. muah. ily my beloved mutuals + followers #also ove been feeling like this since abt 2-3 pm i think if thats anything #iiirc? #it feels like its gotten a little worse but maybe kts bc im laying fown

[bred-is-a-dumb-name]

I swear to God if one more person tells me "Well you look fine" during a flare up or otherwise disabling moment I might just snap. What part of invisible illness doesn't register. Do you want me to show you my fucked up organs??? Do you wanna see em??? Is that what itll take for you to admit im not healthy???? Augh.

#i called oit yesterday but was able to walk arpund and be fine today and my coworker told me that i look3d fine implying i was lying yesterd #ay and it just really fuckin sent me tbh. like bro am i not allowed to have good days after bad days?? what?? #having an invisible illness is impossible. if im displaying symptoms im faking it. if im not displaying symptoms then i was clearly lying. #if i go to work while sick then im clearly not actually in thay mich pain #if i call out then im just being lazy #etc etc etc #like i am seconds away from quitting of i get one more passive agressive comment abt not actually being sick #i literally threw up and collapsed from pain yesterday. just bc i can walk tpday doesnt mean im lying. fuck off. #aughghggh #bred.txt #vent #vent post #rant #young disabled #actually disabled #physically disabled #ableism #disability #cripple punk #cpunk

[caffeinatedopossum]

As someone who has (supposedly) been actually tortured, I do think it's fair to use a word as extreme as torture to refer to the mental anguish that one can experience

#self contained (?) mental anguish i mean since psychological torture is very real #it takes a lot for physical pain to get to the point that you want to kill yourself about it #now im questioning if i deserve to be able to say this >_< #listen this isnt pain Olympics. someone did have it worse than me im sure and i dont particularly care #unless that person is literally you and you want to have a productive conversation about it #thats actually encouraged tbh #im just tired of people talking for the people who 'had it worse' when in reality those people are usually very kind and understanding

[phelbeez]

oh lord with the idea of z!tubbo spending days taking care of an unconscious z!phil and the regular purgatory codependency potentially sitting in- you are NOT painting a good mental image for what his reaction was to waking up and his co-leader not being there

Good because it wasn't the prettiest situation. Z!Phil suddenly disappearing had not happened prior to this. There was a routine! Z!Phil spent a lot of his time tending to their little garden. He still gets distracted a lot but overall he's always there. A constant. And with him being injured Z!Tubbo is used to checking on him. Z!Tubbo's guilt over Z!Phil's injuries eats him alive until the two of them have a talk(that one comic i posted hehe) much later. Z!Phil going missing one morning freaked him the fuck out.

Z!Tubbo coulda fell to his knees when he came back to the base after Z!Roier had already found him. Thank god Z!Phil didn't wander too far this time, am I right?

#🫧✉️gambit answers #🫧qsmz archive #🫧z!tubbo #🫧z!phil #unhealthy? for a bit. with time this aspect can heal. #once z!phil is able to defend himself properly and actually go out by himself #thats when they would have their talk about if z!phil regretted saving z!tubbo #that conversation helps z!tubbo push aside a majority of the guilt #see guys look there can be a bit of comfort and healing in qsmz #only a bit though. z!phil may not regret his choice to sacrifice his body and risk death to protect z!tubbo #but the consequences of that choice were irreversible and he is in pain #emotionally AND physically haha #z!tubbo might be able to push past a majority of his guilt but even if its not as horrible as before #every time he sees that missing wing. every time z!phil stands at the edge of that cliff with his remaining wing stretching as far as it can #he wishes he could apologize #but he knows z!phil wouldn't let him. because it wasnt his fault #im just yapping haha

[wheelie-butch]

Recently i saw a thing saying basically if you have a crying baby and all the babys needs have been met to the best of your ability but they are still crying, it's okay to step away for a minute to recover yourself. And actually its GOOD to do that because if you get frustrated at the baby not stopping crying and you are very tired and mad you might actually lash out at the baby.

And I can't stop thinking about it because I feel like it's unlocked a new way of understanding how to manage my pain/fatigue. If I've done everything I reasonably can manage in that moment to deal with it and I'm still hurting and/or fatigued, it's okay to be like 'well I'm just going to do something nice I can manage anyway' and not get frustrated and distressed by it... I can step away from obsessing about how to fix things for a bit and just be... and I can already feel the decrease in self-hatred and frustration that often leads to me lashing out at myself.

It feels incredibly unfamiliar and radical to NOT always be beating myself up about my disability but I'm liking it. It's just another thing that's been getting better lately I guess :) I hope this keeps going ^-^

#mez speaks #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #actually disables #embarassing to talk about doing better lol but i rly am lately #i mean physically wayyy worse aha but mentally im coping #which is nice #idk if i explained this well but i hope maybe it means something to someone else