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the-invisible-bunny · 3 months

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“I’ll tell you my deepest, darkest secret,” Johnny said softly.

Peter hesitated. He couldn’t imagine Johnny having any secrets - he was so bright and honest, shining like sunshine. He certainly couldn’t imagine him having any dark secrets. Not like Peter, with his secret identity. But still, he was tempted. The desperate desire to have one single other soul besides himself know the truth. The unshakable certainty that he could trust Johnny. A growing curiosity about what Johnny might consider to be a deep, dark secret.

Johnny was looking at him, still and hopeful at his silence. “A secret no-one else knows, not even the Four,” Johnny continued, knowing he had a chance.

A secret for a secret.

“Tell me,” Peter said, “and I’ll consider telling you.”

“That’s not fair,” Johnny said. “I have a public identity. If you tell everyone my secret it could ruin everything we’ve built. If you tell me your identity, I probably won’t even know who you are.”

Johnny had a point. Still Peter stalled. “I don’t even know what you consider an equivalent secret,” he said, though he was worried by Johnny’s assertion that it could ruin the Fantastic Four. Had he killed someone? “For all I know, you might be talking about forgetting to feed the inter dimensional cat and blaming it on the Thing.”

Johnny huffed. He looked tense, and Peter knew it was something bigger than that. He was about to relent, when Johnny started talking.

“When we first got our powers, Reed went on and on about how we had to show the world that we were heroes, we were good guys, and that we were just normal people. He and Sue were just a normal couple, in love, planning a wedding, they just had superpowers and fought bad guys. That Ben, underneath his rocky exterior, is still just a guy from Yancy Street - he’s still human. That I was just a normal teenage boy who sometimes struggled with school and dated pretty girls.” He looked Peter dead in the eye. “And all I could think was that I hadn’t managed to tell them yet that I wasn’t… that I was…” he swallowed. “That I was gay.”

Peter processed this. Johnny looked so nervous, so uncertain, and all he knew was that Johnny shouldn’t ever look like that. Johnny should be glowing and sparkling. A radiant sun.

He yanked his mask off without ceremony. It was a fair trade.

“My name’s Peter Parker, I’m from Queens.”

And then they fall in love and bonk. Probably before the bonking Johnny helps protect Peter’s secret identity, and Peter tries to help Johnny publicly date girls/listens to him crushing on guys (before finally realising that the reason he hates the entire charade is because he wants to date Johnny himself, damn it).

Just a sudden idea that came into my head like five minutes ago and I thought I’d get it down. Maybe I’ll expand and write more, maybe not. I’ve got other WIPs that are higher priority.

#spideytorch #johnny storm #peter parker #my fanfic #my wips #internalised homophobia #pre slash

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indianchindian · 4 months

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Watched Stranger by the Shore and it's the best thing ever!!

My mind is still processing things, but the relationship between Shun and Mio is beautiful. I wish Mio's character is more explored since he's the protagonist as well but I love how they showed internalised homophobia in Shun.

This is my third time watching an anime movie (first Your Name, second Spirited Away), and tbh I found some parts of it hard to understand. It would've been less confusing if this was a series, and the characters would've been developed well, but I love how Shun and Mio's relationship was portrayed. Although Shun took an interest in him when Mio was 17, they were in a relationship when Mio was 20, hence he was a full-grown adult. Their age gap was 7 years, and I wish it was much closer, as a review of it said. But the chemistry between the two main characters was a chef's kiss and I love how their relationship progressed. Their relationship wasn't creepy at all, thankfully.

The sex scene was my favorite. It wasn't even remotely sexual, as it explores the feelings the characters have for each other, with Shun's mental state being explored. It isn't your typical sex scene used to fetishize their relationship, but it digs deeper into their characters and it is emotional (the KinnPorsche bathroom scene in episode 7 made me realize my preference for emotional sex scenes). When they cuddle after having sex, which wasn't so great, then zooming in to Shun crying as he cuddles Mio made me cry as well.

In this case, gay people were shown to be humans. Their sexuality didn't define them. I liked that Shun and Mio weren't the only same-sex couple since there was a happy lesbian couple too.

Looks like I need to watch the movie again to understand it better because my thoughts aren't clear atm, but this movie was successful in making me cry. I liked Mio and I wish his character was explored as someone who was recovering from grief, but I think the makers focussed more on Shun and there was not enough time to cover Mio's side of the story. Might make another blog on this move (will write a more detailed review on WordPress), but thanks for reading (for those who stumbled through this.)

(Pics and GIF are from Pinterest)

(and I read two reviews based on it so some of what I wrote are influenced by those)

#umibe no etranger #stranger by the shore #shun and mio #boys love #yaoi #anime #anime movie #favorite couple #gay couple #internalised homophobia #beautiful movie #this was beautiful #shunmio ship

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i-am-the-oyster · 3 months

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I was just listening to that 3 hour rolling stone interview with John and it honestly surprised me with how homophobic he was being. Saying things like “ I think mick’s a joke with all that fag dancing” and “I hope it’s ( working class hero ) for workers and not tarts and fags). Do you think that was a major projection of himself after the fall out with Paul ? cause correct if I’m wrong but I don’t remember john ever saying anything like that before that interview. Love to here your thoughts on what would be possibly going through Johns mind.

Oh nonny it's so sad, isn't it? From a modern perspective it seems so obvious that John was queer, but he clearly struggled with it. (More in some periods than in others).

There are lots of accounts of John making homophobic jokes at Brian's expense, though it's impossible for us to know how much of that was good-natured ribbing. But you're right, the statements from Lennon Remembers are viscous and not typical of John.

When he did that Rolling Stone interview he was fresh out of Primal Scream therapy. Janov was homophobic, even by the standards of the time, and I personally believe John was trying to use PST as "conversion" therapy (see this great post). I actually suspect he (and George?) might have been trying to use Transcendental Meditation for that purpose too.

Was he trying to "fix" himself because of the breakup, or was the breakup caused by the desire and/or attempts to "fix" himself? Who knows Yoko?

My personal headcanon is that Paul has always been more comfortable with his own queerness, and with keeping his queerness secret. Where John swung from wanting to own it and declare it publicly, to wanting to rid himself of it. You could easily see how that would be a source of tension between them, even if they weren't romantically involved.

This is such a sad topic. Let's think about John randomly kissing Paul's friend in public instead!

#thanks nonny!#anon ask #queer bugs #john's queerness #internalised homophobia #conversion therapy mention

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professorcalculusstanaccount · 7 months

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tintin is incredible at timing

(possibly) the final snippet I'll post from my story The Gypsum Maw, the previous part which follows directly before is here - I've been seeing comments asking about where to read the full thing, I'm afraid what I post is basically it - I have more pages in my sketchbook but I suspect they are only legible to me!

this post is already long so more notes and credits under the cut!

I asked for some help for coming up with friends for Chang! The gentle giant Masek was created by InkyTrink on Twitter and the super excitable Libby was created by dreamyopal, a discord mutual:

They came up with some great character notes and were super helpful providing feedback on my designs!

Writing this felt pretty odd in ways. I graduated in 2020 during the Plague Year so my class didnt get a public art showcase. I attended one last year and it was a bittersweet experience.

Reunions feel a bit like time travel, you see people after a few years and things change quite a lot. I wanted to explore this in my post canon series, Chang has grown up, found himself and has been able to live a fairly normal life with family and friends. Tintin in a way reflects that young adult insecurity about being stagnant, like you haven't been able to fully reach adulthood properly. His fame and status as a Young Boy Reporter is holding him captive, he longs for connection but is held back by expectations from both himself and the outside world.

I've also been inspired by the concept of 'queer time,' the concept that the lives of queer people progress differently to the lives of non queer people. It takes time to come to terms with yourself and to come out. Queer people are often excluded from milestones like marriage or having children. Tintin being confronted with his peers at a university highlights his insecurity about being left behind, but he's slowly making the journey to self acceptance by talking to others, and recognising common ground he has with others.

Chang's university isn't a one to one reference to a specific institution but in Belgium there was a secular movement in reaction to the dominance of the Catholic church, in which universities played a key role. There's references to art movements that were deemed "degenerate" by the Nazis here, such as Fauvism and Surrealism.

#tintin #fanart #adventures of tintin #comic #snowy #milou #captain haddock #archibald haddock #ramo nash #chang #the gypsum maw #long post #nazi mention #< in read more #claustrophobia #internalised homophobia

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unqazlaaq · 3 months

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Jacob Elordi's Nate Jacobs would fucking despise Elordi's Felix Catton LMAO

The ease with which Felix touches his male friends; a hand on a thigh, leaning comfortably, a big hug or a kiss to the face, would send Nate Jacobs into a coma.

#saltburn #euphoria #nate jacobs #felix catton #jacob elordi #internalised homophobia #kiss the homies goodnight

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dontlikeconflict · 4 months

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Based on S11EP13 Love Hurts (in which a supernatural creature called a Qareen appears to you as the person you desire the most, in an attempt to steal your heart)

TW: internalized homophobia, derogatory terms, John Winchester being a shitty dad

AO3 link

Dean's ready for it, he knows the bastard is around here somewhere and all he has to do is find it and kill it (or at least hold it off until Sam finds its heart, and stabs the damn thing)

He and Sam had been theorizing over who it might appear to them as, joking over childhood crushes and celebrities, but as the creature came into sight Dean's heart sunk. Some part of him knew who it would be, but he thought maybe if he didn't allow the thought to take hold -if he kept the idea in his peripheral vision, not looking directly at it- that it wouldn't be true.

but now the manifestation of his desire was staring directly at him, and it couldn't be ignored.

"Hello Dean"

The gravelly voice sounded the same as it had a hundred times before. The downward tilt to the corner of his eyes was the same, as was the slight skew to his blue tie. It was exactly as he saw Cas, in his mind's eye.

"oh don't try to be cute, I know exactly what you are Qareen"

He didn't want to have to try to kill this thing as it flawlessly imitated Cas, but at his words, the creature allowed its head to softly tilt to the side and his - its - eyes to slightly narrow. An expression that was so painfully Cas, that Dean was torn between pain and anger.

"I understand, Dean" the creature speaks, stepping slightly closer to the large work table that separates them

"is that right?" he responds, trying to focus on anything other than how much this thing looks like Cas, having to remind himself that it was an illusion, despite the tight feeling in his chest that always seemed to respond to the other man's micro-expressions.

The creature continued forward toward him "The longing in your heart? I feel it too"

If only the circumstances had been different, if only this was Cas, the words might have felt like a relief instead of so painfully raw.

"well that's touching" Dean began, as he tried to subtly move toward a knife wedged into the wood of the workbench "considering you don't have a heart. Considering... you're not Cas"

Dean didnt know if he was saying it aloud for the creature, or just to reassure himself. So that when he inevitably plunged a knife into this thing, he would know the expression of pain didn't truly belong to his friend.

"who I am doesn't matter" A small smile graced Cas' lips " The real question, is who are you?" Cas' eyes looked at Dean the way they had so many times like he was trying to understand him; like he thought if he stared long enough he could unravel the enigma that was Dean Winchester.

"what do you mean, who am I?" Dean trying to inch toward the knife, but the Qareen was tracing his movements

"You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart" They are both moving in sync, both so aware of the other " Feel the love you feel"

the use of that word causes Dean to stop in his tracks, and the creature stops with him "Except, its cloaked in shame"

and that's it isn't it? what it's all about. Dean has never been one to shy away from romantic feelings. Whereas one could describe him as emotionally constipated in almost every other area, romance had always been the easiest one, and even if he got turned down it never really affected how he approached potential partners.

But Cas was different. For starters he wasn't human, a factor he had gotten over a while ago but something that at the beginning had always been in the back of his mind. Back when Cas still spoke like an angel, 'raising him from perdition' and then subsequently threatening to throw him straight back to it. But it had been a long time since that mattered, a long time since he viewed Cas as Other in that way. and yet there was something so trivial yet so big that held him back. Cas was a man, his vessel was at least. And no matter how many people he meets, how much he grows and changes, his father is always there.

Throw away comments about 'pansys' and 'queers' and much harsher words that Dean doesn't even like to think. He can still remember his father watching the news and tutting at why "they have to go and get married, why can't they just stop shoving it in everyone's faces".

It felt wrong even back then, and Dean knows his father was wrong. Knows that even though he loves him, that he was an asshole on his best days. But the idea of people looking at him and thinking all those horrible things, the knowledge of what his father would think of him if he could see him now, always held him back.

When he spent too long looking into Cas' eyes, when Cas touched him and he felt himself light up, when he said something that sounded slightly too affectionate, he would feel his father's shame like a weight dropping down onto him.

He knew that he and Cas had something, that they shared a "more profound bond", as the angel had put it. But he could never get past the shame that lurked within him.

"when it comes to this" the creature continued, looking down at the shape it had taken, lifting a hand to Cas' chest and rubbing across it "You can't help yourself, so why fight it?"

To hear these words in Cas' voice; it was almost too much.

The creature was stalking its way forward "Just give in"

Ah, see that was just enough. That was so unlike Cas, to ask him to give in to anything, to not kick and fight the whole way as he always did, that it knocked Dean's mind out of its self-loathing and allowed him to act, to plan.

"yeah, you know what? You're right" suddenly feeling more confident that this was just another monster, just another hunt

"The real Cas, he does have a hold over me" It was the closest he had even come to admitting what it really was "but you... are nothing but a cheap imitation"

the creature was almost close enough to rip his heart from his chest, so he acted and did the first thing he could think of. He picked up a metal table to the side of him, holding it up like a shield just before the creature's hand burst right through the metal as if it were paper.

funnily enough, this felt more like Cas than the creature had been before, reminding Dean of when they first knew each other and Cas would constantly startle Dean with effortless strength. Holding a pipe Bobby swung directly for his head or lifting an entire anvil up as if he were holding a pillow.

Dean was taken out of his musings by the threat of losing his head as the creature pulled its arm free and he had to leap away rolling over the top of the workbench, just before the Qareen's hand went right through the thick wood. The way it moved was very stiff, not very artful, clearly not used to having to work physically for its food, used to victims presenting themselves eagerly for the face of their desires.

Then Dean's eyes caught on the knife he had been inching toward earlier, and he made a grab for it swinging haphazardly for the imitation of Cas' face, only to have his hand grabbed firmly, the creature squeezing at his arm until he was forced to relinquish the blade.

He was then shoved against the wall, held in place by Cas' large hand at his shoulder, the other raising, ready to push through layers of skin, muscle, and bone, to rip his heart straight from his body. Dean had no time to be scared, but if he had time to reflect he would have thought that dying to Cas' hands wouldn't be the worst way he could go.

but then it all stopped, the creature froze before stumbling back. Cas' face twisted in pain as it began to shake and scream before the body began to dissolve into smoke, and it all collapsed into a central blue light, almost like a star.

and then it was gone. And Sam was calling his name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not much had been said on the ride back to their motel, mostly focusing on cleaning up their mess, and driving home the victim. But now they were packing up their few things into duffel bags, getting ready to drive back to the bunker.

As Dean was shoving clothes unfolded into his bag, Sam's voice came from behind him "So you gonna keep me in suspense here or what?"

Dean continued to pack, hoping Sam wasnt asking what he thought "About what?"

"Who was it?" Sam was prying, he seemed casual about it, still moving between the bed and his bag as he grabbed and folded each item

"it, uh" Dean began to speak before he even knew what he was going to say. The truth? Or some half-baked lie about Daisy Duke batting her eyelashes at him before she lunged for his heart? but a calm almost washed over him as he allowed himself to be honest.

"it was Cas."

"huh." the was a pause where Dean felt like he truly could throw up "Does that surprise you?"

all his fear turned incredulous "That doesnt surprise you?"

For a moment the shame from his father came back, and the idea that something about him looked gay came into his mind. What if everyone knew? like it was something they could just tell about him. But Dean had to mentally remind himself that this was Sam, that his Dad was a bigot, that his dad hadn't been around to judge him for a long time now.

"Honestly?" Sam said, as if his answer was obvious

"Honestly." Dean parroted, his defensive nature rising up "What you seriously think Cas, the poor excuse for an angel that dresses like an accountant, is my deepest desire?"

it felt wrong to deflect, to be hurtful about Cas just because he was afraid, but the words just fell out.

"he isn't?" Sam responded simply

"No!" Dean's voice pitched up at the end of the syllable, and it sounded like a lie, even to his ears. "He cant be."

"why not?" the blunt way Sam was addressing him wasn't helping the rising panic in his chest

"Why? Because that means I'm-" The words get stuck, he can't say them, especially when he knows how he'll sound as they come out of his mouth. The Qareen was right, he's still ashamed.

"what Dean?" Sam's voice is soft, like he knows exactly what Dean is thinking, like he wants to say it for him so he doesn't have too

But Dean has to be the one to say it, he knows this. He attempts to steel his expression, but as the words come out he knows he sounds afraid "It would mean I'm - " Queer, a pansy, an embarrassment "Gay"

Even though they both knew what he was going to say, Sam's face changes to one of soft surprise "Dean, Did you honestly think that something like that would matter to me?"

Dean didnt know what to say. Logically he knew it wouldn't, but some part of him felt like it would somehow make him less of Sam's tough older brother, like somehow he would be letting him down, as irrational as it sounded

Sam took Dean's silence as a sign to continue "Look I know Dad had some stupid ideas about this kind of thing, but you gotta know that he was an idiot"

some old part of Dean wanted to get annoyed at Sam for speaking out against their father, for disgracing his memory, but the feeling wasn't strong enough for him to act on right now.

"you need to know that... you and Cas" his little brother, so smart seemed like he had no idea how to put his thoughts into words "it would be okay"

the words Sam settled on were simple but it felt like such sweet relief, because really that was all Dean wanted. For how he felt to be okay. To not feel like he was wrong every time he let his guard down. every time he let himself want. He didnt quite feel like he was okay, but hearing the words from Sam made him feel a hell of a lot closer to believing.

"Thanks, Sammy" Maybe in another world he could have teared up at a time like this and told his brother how much his acceptance meant to him. But for now, all he could do was give his beanpole of a brother a strong slap on the arm and say "Let's go home", home to where Cas is.

Part two

#destiel #deancas #dean x castiel #dean winchester #internalised homophobia #supernatural s11 #season 11 #team free will #sam winchester #john winchesters a+ parenting #s11e13 #ficlet #destiel fic #deancas fic #castiel

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theghostofloganroy · 1 year

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Logan would absolutely say that he’s not a homophobe because one of his kids are gay and then not be able to answer which specific child he’s talking about because they all give off fruity energy to him

#wouldn’t be Shiv because like Queen Victoria he doesn’t believe lesbians actually exist #let’s also not talk about the fact that Logan is at the very least not straight himself #internalised homophobia #logan Roy #succession #connor roy #Kendall Roy #Shiv Roy #Roman Roy

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alarrytale · 3 months

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I do feel sorry for Louis because I think he suffers from internalised homophobia from growing up in Doncaster where he would have witnessed his peers being bullied for being gay. Unlike Harry who has two gay managers, gay band members, support acts and close friends like Alessandro who are gay, Louis is largely isolated from his community as an adult especially when he's touring.

Hi, anon!

I disagree with you that Louis suffers from internalised homophobia. I think you are reading this all wrong and like the gp would. I've talked about this before too.

Louis probably grew up in a place where gay was used as a slur by kids, that i agree with. However, when Louis moved to London i think that was very freeing for him and he blossomed. Louis is proud of being gay and proud of his relationship with Harry. Louis has a triangle tattoo ffs, and half his tattoos is complementary to H's tattoos. He was behind the bears too. He sings i love him i hate it and has songs about holding H at an Ed Sheeran concert. He's bathing his fans in rainbow lights at his concerts.

The reasons why it might seem like he's suffering from internalised homophobia is because he is harshly closeted. Probably one of the worst cases of unwillingly closeted in history. Believe me, if he had a choice he'd be out and proud. Both him and Harry has been banging on the closet door for years wanting out. It hasn't been as visible these last few years perhaps, but he does what he can to tell us who he really is. You just need to look past the surface and his constructed het image to see he's gay and closeted. I don't neccessarily think Louis would be the poster child for gay men when he's out and go to pride etc, but that doesn’t mean he isn't proud of who he is and hasn't accepted he's gay.

I think Louis is close to his childhood friends, and they know about him and H and support him. Louis doesn’t have as many public friendships with queers, that's true, but then again he's more harshly closeted than H is. He is being kept from his community, but that's due to his closet. He does have queer openers and he does have queer members on his touring team, but i get what you mean.

Louis' public twitter account has been one of the most important tools for closeting him. People think it's him tweeting and it has a wide reach. It's easy, because it's low effort and high reward. You hide behind a screen and you don’t have to stunt or say anything on camera where the lies can easily be detected. It's super effective and to the point. You can gaslight the fuck out of people. You get the narrative you want out there. Everything that "Louis" says on twitter shouldn't be trusted. Same with things in printed interviews.

It's a fight to look behind all the bullshit and gaslighting they throw at us, but don't let them fool you into thinking he's an insecure, scared man who hasn't yet accepted he's gay and isn't proud of it. That's simply not true.

#long post #internalised homophobia #solo louis #louis image

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