#it should be a BLESSING that i am less present tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jedivszombie · 3 years

Text

Okay gang, since there are a bunch of anons going fucking wild across the dash tonight about some joking posts about Mark Webber and Ann Neal - that were someone’s shocked reaction to the age difference between them. I thought it would be interesting to go on a little journey together.

This little journey is the story of how Ann and Mark met, and will hopefully give you guys some insight as to why the ‘sexism’ and ‘ageism’ arguments you are currently using are bullshit - and why using these words in such a buzzword way actually is not the kind of critical thinking you think it is. And why this situation is more akin to a student and teacher starting a relationship - which I think we can all agree is not advisable, even if you don’t know why.

Below the cut is going to be a little discussion of Mark and Ann the early days; the reason the age difference is iffy at best and fucked up at worst; and, a little discussion about how these situations require nuance and the ways in which f1blr often likes to blow situations out of proportion.

I have split it into three parts:

Mark and Ann: The Early Days (1994-1997)

Nuance, my old friend. Anon hate, my enemy. (tw: for racism here, be careful)

The pitfalls of discourse and the importance of looking after yourself.

A little disclaimer for you guys: I do not pretend to know anything about this relationship, other than what is readily available to learn about it from what they themselves have put out about it. I am just providing a timeline and some facts. Whatever conclusions you draw from it are your own.

Feel free to come for me if you so desire.

Mark and Ann: The Early Days (1994-1997)

We start our story in Australia in February, 1994. Mark is competing in Australian Formula Ford Championship and Ann Neal is the new media and PR officer for the category. This is their first meeting. Just so we know what’s up here Mark was 17 at the time, and Ann was absolutely an adult (apparently there is a 13 year age gap, which may not sound like much but we will get onto that later, which makes her roughly 30 when they first met).

Some key things to be aware of from this first meeting:

Mark is 17, Ann is about 30. Mark is a young racer, Ann is the media and PR officer for the category he races in.

In an excerpt from Aussie Grit, p. 57 to be exact, we get to find out what Ann had to say about the first time they met:

“She thought I was a bit of a smart-arse when we first met. ‘But I liked how bold and cheeky he was,’ she says, ‘and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 – he was confident beyond his years.’”

In another excerpt from Aussie Grit, p. 61, Mark tells us other things Ann remembers about their first meeting:

“Ann remembers our first meeting and my opening remark about her being so important. She can even remember what I was wearing – a stripey green and red top, one of those United Colors of Benetton things – so that was pretty prophetic, as things turned out!”

Now this may sound extremely cute to some of you, like they’re just having a normal ‘aww remember how we met’ moment. But let me please re-direct your attention back to the fact that Mark is 17 (and still not an adult yet if this is what you are gonna nitpick about) and Ann is very much an adult, in a position of power.

So, a teenager makes a quip about how important you are and you commit to memory what he was wearing the day it happened?

Now let’s bring in the first quote I put up there where Ann herself was recalling the first time they met. I would like to draw your attention to the following sentence: ‘and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 – he was confident beyond his years.’

Hmmmm, where have we all heard language like this used before? If, like me, you have some experience of adults trying to start inappropriate relationships with you as a teenager then you will be very familiar to this sort of language. The emphasis is on how mature he seemed, is what’s sticking out for me here tbh.

Now, if this had been a fleeting meeting, and they had met again a few years later, I would be more on board for whatever justification some of the anons have been trying to use. However, it wasn’t.

Again from Aussie Grit, p.61:

“After that first meeting we kept in touch. My family sometimes met up with Ann and Luke for weekend get-togethers, and I ensured she got her motor-sport fixes by dragging all my old F1 tapes out. By way of revenge she would bring down all her British Formula Ford tapes for me.”

Oh cool, so she gained the trust of his family and Mark was hanging out with her son. This is so sweet Alexa, play Chosen Family by Rina Sawayama. Real talk though, again if this is how it had ended - with them just being family friends - then we would not be having this conversation.

BUT, we all know how this little story ends so onwards we march. We shoot forward to late 1994, Mark has done okay in Formula Ford but his Dad is no longer able to fund him. SO, he turns to their old pal - the ever present and super helpful Ann, bless her heart - to try and drum up some sponsorship for Mark so he can race.

Little background on why Ann was chosen to try and help with this, I’ll give you 3 guesses and only one of them is correct. Yes, that’s right, it’s her experience - which she has managed to get by being 30 and having a background in motorsports. She started out as a motorsport journo and ended up dealing with press and PR for Paul Warwick (Derek Warwick’s brother). In 1986 she started dealing with Johnny Herbert’s media before working for Formula Ford in Europe in 1991.

Ann begrudgingly accepts and draws up plans with Mark, which leads him to a Yellow Pages sponsorship for his next season in Formula Ford, and beyond - how sweet, how nice, they are #winning! We stan teamwork besties! And Ann started working with Mark and his family to further his career.

Ann had a plan for Mark, as outlined in Aussie Grit, p.69-70:

“By the end of 1995 Annie told me, in no uncertain terms, that – and I quote – I had to get my arse out of there. She didn’t just mean Australian Formula Ford, either: she meant Australia. She thought it was time for me to go and have a crack at some of the big guys, and she proposed to help me go about it in a serious, business-like way.

‘How the f#*k are you going to get to Formula 1 coming from Queanbeyan?’ Anyone who wants to trace my journey should start with a piece of paper that Ann drew up on 6 July 1995.”

So, now Ann has outlined her hopes for Mark and a glimmering career in motorsport. I would like us to know that at this point in time Mark was the ripe old age of 18, going on 19.

In 1996 Ann and Mark moved properly to the UK so Mark could drive in the British Formula Ford Championship - at this point Mark is still 19. At this point he is living in the UK with Ann and her mother, and Ann’s son.

So this is probably sounding pretty okay so far and sure it’s just a business relationship with a business set up, like no real cause for concern. But then we discover that this business relationship had turned into a relationship-relationship pretty damn fast.

From the horses mouth himself, Aussie Grit, p.87:

“Back in England, Ann and I moved house to Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire, on the edge of motor sport’s equivalent of Silicon Valley. We had started out as teammates and friends on a mission but over time our friendship had deepened into something else. I enjoyed spending time with her and we felt entirely comfortable in each other’s company. Moving to England was a huge step for me and I think it was a case of us needing one another and that’s how the relationship was formed.”

Okay, okay, okay so I know at this point Mark is 19/20 he’s an adult right? He can make his own choices. But, can we please admit that at best it’s an iffy situation because of the position of power and authority she was in? In his life? For his career?

There are a few other excerpts I found particularly interesting, about Mark’s family’s reaction (all from Aussie Grit, chapter 3):

“My parents came over to the UK in the English summer of 1997. While they were thrilled about how things were developing for me in racing, they’d been less thrilled by the romantic relationship that was developing between Annie and me....” “...Annie was bitterly disappointed at my behaviour. Her plan to take me to the highest level of motor sport was starting to go horribly wrong, so she left Australia earlier than planned and headed back to Europe. My family arranged for Alan Docking to collect my belongings from the house we had been sharing and the one and only car Annie and I had at that stage...Campese Management told her that they had been instructed by the Webber family to terminate her role as my manager and that Campese Management would be taking over all aspects of my career, including the negotiation of my driving contracts.“

“While I knew Annie provided the support and guidance I needed in my racing career, I was missing her in so many other ways too. We were such a dynamic force in every sense; we could make things happen when we were together. We were teammates, soul mates, call it what you want.“

“As to Mum’s concern about our age difference, that has never been a factor for us. When we began to be more open about being together, perhaps the top end of the age gap shocked a few people. In those days people were less accepting of a big age difference between partners, especially when it’s our way round. It’s not such a big deal nowadays and it makes us laugh when so-called celebrities reveal they’re dating an older woman or younger man!“

While the Daily Mail is trash, the beginning of this video is very revealing to me - particularly Jackie Stewart’s comments from 00:12.

Obviously you can make up your own conclusions from all of this information, and I would once again like to point out that none of us - not me, not the anons, not you - actually know the nature of their relationship. They have been together for 24 years - good for them! Whatever they have going has obviously worked for them, this is not me trying to shit on that or anything, and I’m gonna be real I’m not the biggest Mark Webber fan.

Nuance, my old friend. Anon hate, my enemy.

All I want to do is add some nuance to the conversation, an overview of the timeline, an understanding of what the facts are. So that some of those cowardly anons (or anon) can hop off their self-built thrones and get a grip. The sexism and ageism argument literally does not apply here, for all of the evidence and reasons listed above - if the situation was flipped we would still be calling it out. The only difference is you guys would probably be on board with it being called out.

So Ann is a woman? So, what? Do you think she’s above reproach? You think one person’s 50 note post on this site is gonna rock the foundation of a relationship that has been 26 years in making? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are either: a) Mark Webber himself, or b) delusional as hell. You really think that responding by sending anon hate to a teenager, who btw only made a post calling out the age difference because she was shocked and had just discovered it, is the right way to go?

You really think that sending me this message, attacking other people in such a vile and racist manner is okay?

So you don’t like Nehir and Sera? Good for you, go block them, if you follow them, unfollow them. Those options are free and readily available to you.

For me, it’s so funny to see you hiding behind that little Anon mask spewing this vile shit. The commitment you have to proving that you are just a cowardly person with nothing better to do than rag on a bunch of different people for reblogging a post, that in the long run is not going to reach the people it’s about, is outstanding. I really hope you pat yourself on the back for this one.

The pitfalls of discourse and the importance of looking after yourself.

There has definitely been a spate of ‘conversations’ that have been happening recently that have very much been straying into the land of discourse, over very small comments or posts. I think that some people need to remember that we’re all here for our own entertainment and as soon as it stops being fun - you are allowed to log off; you are allowed to block people; you are allowed to unfollow people.

Sending anon hate is so counterproductive to whatever conversation you think you are starting or having with a person. Also guys, sometimes it’s not that deep - sometimes jokes are just jokes, sometimes someone finds out something they didn’t know about a driver or an ex-driver and they make a joke post about it. That does not give you the right to send them hate, or to make racist comments in other people’s asks.

Sometimes these discussions require a debate and sometimes discourse can be good - but honestly? I’m worried about some of you guys, it is not healthy to get so angry at other people for the things they post on their blogs that you are not obligated to follow or interact with at all.

I am also worried about people who turn every little thing into something discoursey. There are causes and issues to care about in this sport and community, for sure. But sometimes you also have to pick your battles - especially when I know a lot people in this community have fragile mental health. I do not say this to patronise any of you but to just provide a reminder that you do not need to engage with everything that makes your blood boil, and furthering some of these conversations sometimes is not doing you guys any good. Burnout is real.

Please take some time to take care of yourselves, the pandemic is doing a number on all of us and I know being online gives you a gateway to being connected to people, but sometimes you just have to walk away from a discussion. Sometimes you have to just go and reblog something unrelated, or stare at a photo of your favourite driver, or listen to some angry music. Anything else to process your knee jerk reaction, to give yourself time to figure out how you feel about something and whether it’s worth engaging in or not.

#maisie talks #the post that no one asked for but we sure as shit needed #anon hate below the cut #would also like to say that i am not pretending to know shit about their relationship and this is all information provided by the couple #themselves #under the cut is a bunch of information about their relationship up to you how you take it but i know how i feel #tw racism #i went insane i've seen the opposite of god #thnx ana for supporting my rage #here i am a hundred years late and a dollar short #mark webber

119 notes · View notes

luvreyn · 4 years

Text

My Manhwa List (2020) Part 6

sHi! How arth thou? I’m back to give you another list of recommendation!

Beware of the Villainess

Description:

Sit back and take in this romantic tale of an angelic heroine and her devoted suitors as they vie for the depths of her love... or not. This story’s about to go through some edits! After an accident, a modern-day college student awakens as the story’s villainess, Melissa Foddebrat. She’s far from anyone’s favorite, but she IS the daughter of the duke. Determined to live it up, this new Melissa is doing things her way — antiquated society, be damned! All idiots, prepare to step aside or perish!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 4.5/5

- art = 4.5/5

- C O M E D I C G O L D

- their meme-able face are so funny lmao

- ml is so cute & soft & deserves everything in the world

- mc is such a bad-ass like?? she’s so cool & she doesnt deserve to be treated less by that stupid prince ok

- she is beauty, she is grace, she is the queen!

- all i do is fangirl over the mc basically

- isekai

- i love her dynamic with her bro cause honestly same that’s how my sibs and are act sometimes lmao

- her maid is so cool

- a bad-ass with a heart

- ml has this past and secret and i’m living for it

- a gem basically

- overall verdict, a highly recommended manhwa that will make you all sort of emotions. one of the best manhwas released this 2020 ok i said what i said

I Became the Villain's Mother

Description:

Summoned into her favorite novel as the infamous Duchess Roselia Chade, Haena is bathed in riches, power, and a family of her own. Life couldn’t be better, save for the small detail that her beloved stepson, Einspanner Chade, is also the evil mastermind destined to kill her. At this point in the story Ein is still just an adorable child yet to reach his cruel awakening, and so Roselia is determined to stop him from becoming a ruthless killer. But with the duke getting in her way and trying to poison his own son, safely raising a child that was primed for villainy may prove harder than she originally thought. The survival of both mother and child depends on whether Roselia can successfully rewrite their tragic ending!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 5/5 ok i’m loving it already despite the few chaps released

- art = 3/5

- IM LOVING THE TWIST

- this is an all out war between father & son ok

- ain is so cute like??

- i s e k a i

- ain is such a bad ass cute little devil

- i know i know i’m collecting so many isekai-ish manhwas bcoz why not

- i love the mc so much shes so adorable and her previous job is awesome (i know you dont care but i wanted to be a daycare teacher too when i was a kid so yay)

- she’s such an awesome mom like??

- the dad... the dad is idk but he’s a terrible dad for me (right now)

- ^ why is this like a discouragement comment like idek what i’m thinking yet i’m not gonna delete it

- i love that this is mostly a son-mom manhwa bcoz it’s such a breath of fresh air and not to mention almost all dad-daughters manhwa are hurting me

- i’m here for the mom and son interactions basically

- overall verdict, a highly recommended manhwas for our souls!

Marked By King Bs

Description:

High school is hard enough without a target on your back, but that’s exactly the situation Annie finds herself in when she crosses a group of the most popular kids in school. Marked by the king bee himself, the notorious Ashton Griffin, Annie becomes his newest fixation--and he is determined to make her life miserable. Now at his beck and call, Annie must stay on Ashton’s good side to maintain her peaceful life and avoid becoming a social pariah. As she navigates her way through alienating social cliques, persistent old crushes, and the hot upstairs neighbor who never puts a shirt on, Annie will soon learn that there’s more to being popular than meets the eye. She just wanted to live a normal life, but maybe there’s no escaping these king bees. An official comic adaptation based on the hit dating-sim game. I AM TARGETED BY THEM!!!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 3/5

- ngl but i can already feel the slight cliche-ness of this story and yet i’m still here forgive me this is a guilty pleasure manhwa

- art = 4/5

- i love the mc (yes, that quickly)

- dark haired boyo is mine ok??

- kinda funny

- i miss the school life setting so hihihi

- verdict, a cute and good read!

Pixel of Life

Description:

After finding out her boyfriend has been cheating with her boss, Hana loses her menial desk job of 5 years. Countless rejections later, she finally lands an interview at a small art gallery. Hana jumps at the chance to leave the drama of the past few months behind. But her high school friend (and worst enemy) Jiyeon is the gallery owner? Their most peculiar romance is about to begin… or not?!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- o m g

- plot =4/5 this deserves more read tbh

- art = 4/5

- i’m starting to relate to mc since i started working cause #adultingsucks

- one of my dream jobs huhuhu

- i so love the twist

- the s i b l i n g s

- i wanna know what happens next!!!

- s u s p e n s e

- mix with mystery and spinkle with secrets and viola i present to you: the pixel of life

- verdict, a super good read!

The Antagonist’s Pet

Description:

Blessed with the face of an angel, young Sasha Tartt knows a life-altering secret: in this romance novel where she’s just a side character, she’s the only one who knows the true ending! When the antagonist of the story takes a particular liking to her, she must make a decision: help the clever and beautiful Rebecca find a happy ending, or side with the sweet-natured protagonist to ensure her own survival? On top of that, Sasha has to juggle the affections of her bespectacled love interest and tame a dragon boy! Can Sasha learn new tricks to win the hearts of these main characters? Based on the hit novel.

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- plot = 4/5 so few chaps yet so good

- art = 3/5

- i so love that she acts dumb when she’s not cause i love scheming characters

- W O M E N E M P O W E R M E N T

- who run the world? girls!

- i love that she loves the villain cause girl same

- idec whether there’s an ml or not cause we stay for their future bond

- she is beauty, she is grace, she’s the villainess pet

- ^ it sounds better in my head

- verdict, a refreshing manhwa that will leave you wanting for moreee!

#The Pet of The Villainess #beware of the villainess #pixel of life #i become the villain's mother #when you're been targetted by the bully #manhwa #manhwa recommendation #marked by king bs #The Antagonist’s Pet #reynlist #reyn.manhwarecs

591 notes · View notes

meetmeatthecoda · 3 years

Note

Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

6 notes · View notes

theblackbirdsgemimagines · 4 years

Note

Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.

A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB

THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL

Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek

Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.

Dorm Leads:

Riddle

GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁

I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️

He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭

Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs

Leona

👁💧👄💧👁

.....I am a Mere Simp....

Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj

Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....

Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*

Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭

Does this make me a furry

Probably

I am too Simp to Care Anymore

I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ

FUCK

Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED

Azul

He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU

The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol

...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj

Kalim

FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E

He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)

Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd

He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡

Vil

Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj

My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜

Canon: Vil is pretty~.

Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...

Idia

I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj

Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol

What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.

Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕

Malleus

HEAVY BREATHING

Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd

BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...

He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....

I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!

HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭

This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤

DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-

Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol

No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj

Vice Dorm Heads:

Trey

Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~

I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚

The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞

Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)

He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj

But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.

Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭

I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗

Leech Twins (?)

Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol

THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)

The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.

The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.

This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚

Jamil

I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs

I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭

AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗

Rook

God. FUCKING Rook, lol.

IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs

HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao

Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬

STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk

He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak

Lilia:

GOD.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.

I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.

I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-

Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺

THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS

Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T

The Spencer to your Carly.

He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs

He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤

Extras:

Ace

God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk

Deuce

THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY

The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.

If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.

But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭

Cater

Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡

Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡

Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj

Jack:

H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G

Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭

If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad

How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It

Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛

God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛

I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭

I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞

Sebek

CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-

He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU

I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚

Silver

HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺

Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞

Ortho

IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙

Cheka:

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!

Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭

I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡

I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭

Teachers:

Dire Crowley

Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god

Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir

Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN

Crewel

Ew.

Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ

UncoMFORTABLE

Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R

Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj

Trein

The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj

Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~

Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️

Vargas

Found the womanizer //SMACKED

And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!

He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭

I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙

#THIS TOOK A LONG TIME FORGIVE ME JADHSKDHSKDH #MY PHONE WAS LAGGING IN TYPING AFTER A WHILE I WAS LIKE KEEP GOIN BESSY ANDHSJJD #twisted wonderland #twst dorm leaders #twst vice dorm leaders #dire crowley #leona kingscholar #riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #idia shroud #vil schoenheit #malleus draconia #asks #answered #THANK YOU FOR GIVIN ME MORE OF AN EXCUSE JSADBJASDN #<3 <3

43 notes · View notes

amandlas · 4 years

Text

almost gone (in these little moments get your cards out)

tfota | jude x cardan, she doesn’t come back au, no smut, hurtful and punishable tbh (ao3)

entry to jurdan week 2020 by @jurdannet - day 7: wild card! a what-if au had jude tried to make a new life in maine (don’t worry, cardan shows up). heaps of angst. little payout. sorry in advance. trigger warnings: violence, guns, shooting, and death mention.

[canon divergence from twk ending. title from “lay your cards out” by poliça]

gone. she’s gone. avulsed from her land, never hers, and her lover, never loved. the mortal world welcomes her with wide arms, arms that are shorter than she remembers, a little less homely, much less magical. after all, how can the ordinariness of television, powder tea, and surround sound compare to the true magic of faerieland?

vivi says it will be well. of course she does. why wouldn’t she, with her strong blood and pointed ears.

jude stares and stares at the tv. at the window. at the door. she’s not so stupid as to believe it will allay her want, but like programming, she follows the routine nonetheless.

two months. oak is recalcitrant to her teachings. vivi is buoyant in her obliviousness. they do not see her. she cannot see herself. the closest thing she has to a mirror is miles away, attending a new husband and parading with stars dangling from rounded ears. if taryn were to come, jude thinks she wouldn’t recognize either of them.

she is ashamed to watch her pillowcase blotted with tear stains at nightfall.

it’s more embarrassing than waking up the first time to menstrual blood staining her sheets, two stories up in madoc’s estate, knowing not what it meant or what to do.

jude duarte avoids as superfluous emotions as sadness or hopelessness. being a mortal in faerie, those sentiments would wash her out of focus, riddle her with doubt, and with a certainty would so far as kill her.

but, she thinks, i am not in faerie anymore. i am no longer in a place where blood is a better find than tears. where eyes are dry and swords are sated by throats and bellies.

perhaps in her native world it is safer. that’s what jude wanted this whole time, was it not? safety. if she were meant to feel relief, she should feel it now.

survival feels wet against her cheek.

he keeps slugging his damn arms. jude tugs oak roughly to her, fixing his stance, and urges him to strike.

“will i still be king someday?”

as per usual, he tries deflection to talk out of a combat lesson. jude is unmoved. “yes.”

“are you sure?”

she shifts her weight to her other leg. “there is no other way.” his form is poor. she identifies his weaker side and rounds slowly to it. “the crown answers to blood. raise your elbow higher. protect your face.”

oak listens for once. his voice is shrill still. “so there is no one else?”

of course there’s someone else. another bearer of the crown, another royal to lead their nation. but jude grits her teeth and resorts to her best asset: lying. “no. no one else.”

her little brother pauses, their lesson half-present in his mind. intrigued, she watches the scrunch of his brows as he formulates a thought. “unless cardan has a child. then there would be another.”

if he sees her freeze, he doesn’t mention it. the scenario turns her thoughts errant, threatens her with a conniption. some sick part of her wishes to linger on the possibility, but with oak before her and posed to fight, she cannot allow herself that masochism.

oak stands expectant, his arm growing weary and slouching. the least she can do is not lie.

“i suppose.”

he remembers none of the stance the next evening.

“no word from dad. taryn either.”

jude lifts her face to catch vivi rummaging through envelopes of mail. “what, were you expecting miracles? a shift in the weather?” she scoffs, coming back to her task. counting money. hard-earned cash from late shifts of all services and flavors. espionage, theft, the occasional sparring match. the underground fae crime ring taints the soul, but it pays in fifties.

vivi interrupts her quick fingers. “he liked you best, you know. dad always gave more of himself to you than to me or taryn.” she notices her brother sitting at the couch, leans in to rumple his hair. “or oak.”

jude shoots vivi a cruel look, an exasperated look. “what good that did to me.”

her sister’s eyes are fierce as a growling cat where they pin her in place. “quite some good, your highness.”

jude does a fucking great job at not screaming.

she hates to think of the name.

what could his true name be, she wonders? if she commanded it, before the brokering of their epically failed marriage for his release, jude asks herself if he’d given it. if he’d hated her that much more.

her mind swirls with reminders of midnight black eyes, of fingers against her lips and the abstruse feeling of possession by another being.

she won’t think of it. she won’t dream of it. she won’t aerate the two syllables in a whisper of dark sky. she certainly won’t be pelted with the scariest word, the four letters she refused since childhood to allow a place in her. the word that died with a blade on its back as it ran to the kitchen. the word that meant a certain foolishness, a certain danger. she won’t. it’s her new mantra: she won’t, she won’t, she won’t.

falsehoods have always been her strongest asset.

“we shouldn’t be watching this shit,” heather sighs between mouthfuls of red licorice.

they’re leaning on the couch, lined up like soldiers catching their breath amidst pilgrimage to battle. the television blares high. jude notices heather has shifted her free hand to cover oak’s eyes.

she inspects the playing show more closely. one second there’s a wide shot of scenery, familiar in its medieval setting, and the next there’s a person. a striking young woman with silver hair like new iron falling in tresses across pale shoulders.

the figure is so intimate it nearly makes jude jump. “a princess,” she murmurs.

heather shakes her head. “no. oh no. well, sorta.” oak squirms in her hand, breaking free of her hold, to which she sighs and acquiesces. “sure, i guess, but more than that. it’s complicated.”

from her place next to oak, jude nods. “royals tend to be.”

her sister’s lover, or ex lover (certainly an ex something), barrels on. she uses hand gestures to further her explaining. “her father was the mad king, but she was only a baby when he got dethroned. she was exiled from her home, far across the sea. then she married a powerful man, leader of a tribe, and sorta grew into herself. after he died, his rivals and his people tried to disbar her. turns out she had more in her arsenal than was believed.” heather wags her eyebrows at the show.

jude couldn’t be more confused until a huge, black winged creature crosses the screen. “are those…”

“yup,” heather confirms. “the mother of beasts. and her husband’s people, they followed her. even though he was gone, and was their real ruler, and it was unacceptable that she rule on the basis of who she was, they still accepted her as leader.”

jude stiffens. “really.”

they made it seem so close, so easy to reach. the princess-who-wasn’t-a-princess straightens her spine, amplifies her voice. when she speaks, people heed.

heather slices her reverie. “because she has magic.” she points to the overflying monsters. “badass.”

ah. because. she. has. magic.

a non-magic girl slouches back in her non-magic couch, watching a non-magic box, consumed by baneful imaginings.

unprepossessing. that is what they called her. ugly, if wine or fury loosened their vocabulary. how had i let someone who called me that touch me at the collarbones? kiss my throat? call me his sweet villain? jude has no answer. she replays and loops the plethora of adjectives her dear husband and company had called her. wormfood. unsightly. repellent. direful. unbecoming. synonyms alike to the same derivative, final word.

mortal.

the circle of worms, she and taryn. daughter of dirt.

she wishes she were nobody’s daughter.

it takes her three nights after that to realize now she really is nobody’s daughter.

her exile hits the half year.

bride of faerieland. the mortal queen.

a fugacious dream, she finalizes. no more than a fleeting child’s wish. had she remained at home, no, in faerie , she’d never have been queen. not without the people’s approval and not with her mortality. a hollow crown, a fool’s wreath.

she cements it into her brain, sears it to memory. she never. would. have been. a true. queen.

oh, but what a vision they would’ve been. jude, stiff boned with graying hair, and cardan beside her, youthful as ever and tethered to her with ball and chain. unescapable. a fresh minted prison for him. he’d be gagged to ask for her kisses, much less beg for them. when her skin sagged and time plundered her heart, how quick he’d be to run from her. a bat out of hell.

when it processes that she’s thought of his name, written it to existence in the myriad of her thoughts, she breaks into a cold sweat.

she won’t call her exile a blessing. there’s many descriptors for the singular event that redefined the last leg of her fleeting teenage life, and blessing won’t cut it. recently, however, jude has had the chance to add timely to the list.

jude kills a troll. he’d been preying on humans the same time as her abscond to the human realm. this particular troll began his horror streak after developing a taste for the helpless glaze in their eyes at final moments before teeth sunk into shoulders, the way they rolled back or if the occasion came up that the eyelids would fall crookedly. the funny look of a drugged, passed out, mindless loon. except these were dead loons, victims to the desire of a beast. these humans had been lured into the abandoned subway tunnel, but jude had strolled there all on her own.

“that bitch carries the devil,” commented one of the fae. gathered in a ring, stealing glimpses of her over their shoulders.

waiting for her pay, jude kicked the tip of her boot into the solid ground, arms crossed. “that bitch can hear. i may not have fae hearing, but i’d abstain from testing me were i in your shoes.”

the fae she had spoken to was of the sea, and was barefoot. irony not lost on her.

sooner than expected, jude duarte developed a reputation. successful runs, frightening recounts of what she did to earn her money, it swiveled up and circled around her like a tornado. some fae considered testing if the legend was bigger than the person, and some fae had lost the use of a limb. she knew she’d been strong before, but this new world taught her what an unstoppable force she was. had always been.

they give her a nickname. fearful of evoking the name given to her at birth, though being human it had no effect on her. still, shadows shivered at her wake, watching, consuming jude duarte’s trail of defeated foes. in the damp, cold streets of maine, in a world she long since had cut true tethers from, she’s reborn as the wrath.

in her mind, somewhere in the bowels of the elfhame palace, the court of shadows laugh up a storm.

oak grows less querulous and more capitulant to his role. jude in turn decides to do the same with her old-but-now-new home amidst mortals.

she watches tv. repaints her bike. buys new clothes. eats toasted waffles with peanut butter and honey.

when heather mentions a museum across town, jude no longer stares at her blankly. she doesn’t fumble or grasp for words. her foot’s planted on the ground, steady and strengthening.

she becomes inclined to music. an old trait, now in a new ambient. vivi glamours money to grant her a gift, a small excuse to cheer her up. the gadget fits most of her hand, sensitive to her tact and bright during the darker hours. heather hauls her laptop once in a while to upload new songs onto it, teaching jude how to sift through the list.

music player in her hand, jude sheepishly assembles a queue of songs that she likes. tunes that have replaced bards in taverns or notes plucked from lutes.

an aggressive song by a vexed wife goes first, the one with words that hit jude harsher than she wants to admit, the title saying not to hurt yourself. another one called once upon a time. a wedding song turned rock, a “strong electric guitar” according to heather, the singer belting about being loved tenderly. paint it, black by the stones that roll. where once her fingers would’ve stumbled over the gadget’s buttons, today she masters with ease.

the stunted child, the wraith of a human girl she once was rears her head in jude’s dreams. she gains color with each passing day.

by the time her exile hits eight months, jude begins the transition. she intends it to life, gives it air to breath.

i, jude duarte, will be happy in the mortal world.

she wills herself to change on a molecular level. when the desire of faerieland hightails back, she slams it to the back of her mind. she transforms the pain into power, into will. the scar left behind from her banishment becomes fuel for her new life. for the transformation into who jude could truly be in this wide, marvelous, enormous human world.

they don’t want you. they have not once wanted you.

he doesn’t want you. not like you do him.

doesn’t

want

you.

move on, she begs herself. move on. move on. move on. stop chasing after ghosts.

the wrath is elbow deep in a goblin’s guts. he swindled bryern a bagful of gold coin. it came down to her to rescue it back, and assure the impediment of a repetition. that’s when she met her.

“hnnnnggg…” moans a figure across the room.

jude ignored the drugged out junkies on her way in, leaving them in the back burner while working through the bulk of her job. but the turncloak goblin is dead, and was that noisy mound moving?

“help…” she hears.

jude rarely considers herself so altruistic. but the meekness of the plea pulls her across the room, tugs her legs to the sprawled person.

human. a girl, dirty blue hair all too reminiscent of nicasia, but not so polished as to pass for a sea princess. no, this girl appeared on the edge of a precipice, thin coat of sweat across her body.

“more,” the girl begs.

like clockwork. jude squats down to get closer. “want me to get you out of here?”

weakly, the girl nods. “she’ll find me.”

“what’s your name?”

the stranger smacks her lips, eyes rolling in her head. “lolli.”

lolli turned out to be an easy haul but a terrible map. jude exasperatedly dragged her through alleys and corners, hearing the laments of her companion through the journey. lolli got sidetracked from her ride-or-dies, see, shot up a bit too much powder - something she called never - and had an urgent need to return to the clan.

jude’s self-preservation rang high when she knocked on the selected door and met a fae two heads taller than she. his red skin shone bright in the doorway, his glamour invisible to jude’s geas.

“thank you for bringing pop back to us. i’m qylin” he says across from jude, having invited her in and given her a once-over. “uh, you mortal?”

she’s declined a drink, but accepted a chair. “as they come.”

qylin moves closer. “and you took out melbor? pop’s supplier?”

“is pop meant to be lolli?”

“her full name’s lollipop.”

“oh. i see.” a red flush runs across her face. “melbor huh? didn’t catch his name. i did catch both his kidneys though.”

qylin whistles. “damn. a mortal.” he pronounces it with wonder. nothing like she’s used to. it falls with disbelief in her ears.

“that’s quite a might you got in you. here.” in an outstretched hand, jude finds a tiny acorn that no doubt has a message inside it. “if you ever quit meandering for coin and want to run with the real wolves, i’ll answer.”

wolf. she’d been a girl and she’d been a mortal. then she’d been wormfood and after that she’d been a queen. couldn’t say jude once considered herself a wolf, or imagined running with them. then again, she had become so many things far from her imagination.

the ward. the mortal. the queen. the wrath. her list of faces ran endless, each mask pressing heavier and heavier on her fragile composition.

in the beginning, vivi congratulated her like a preschooler with a trophy. “look at you, making an effort. i told you home wasn’t so bad.”

months later they’ve turned to “you are too far out” accompanied by the tapping of her foot, a face riddled by concern. “you’re jumping into danger again.”

vivi didn’t know how jude missed being afraid.

if she dreams of cardan, the sting pulls her awake and breathless into the chirping crickets of the dark hours.

ninth month. her exile is a baby somewhere, born and breathing. a marking reminder of her incipient rule cut short.

jude duarte makes a decision. she steps outside of the girl she used to be, the teenager latched to a world that had not once been hers.

the acorn is light in her hands. she splits it open, unrolling the paper inside, and when she sees the address and phone number it takes her a total of eighteen minutes to pack.

saying goodbye without telling them it’s goodbye cracks a new wound in her already shattering heart.

oak thinks she’s going to the gym. vivi thinks she’s babysitting oak. heather might’ve had a clue, but she kept silent while jude hugged her, muttering a quick thanks for watching her brother while vivi came from the post office.

it appears, after years, she’d learned to say farewell to all things that were close to her.

qylin refrained from asking questions, just as jude liked it. she watched, studied, learned, kept to her rank while scheming for more. the room and cot qylin offers is as home as any she’s had.

when she urged cardan to inveigle the princess of the undersea, it led them to a hidden alcove draped with vines, to a couch where she’d bared more of jude duarte than she had in her entire life. the memory is both a memory and the dream that recurs most in her sleep. their tryst, their unculminated tumble, their fumbled connection, whatever people would want to call it. in her sickest hours, jude allowed herself to think of it with a tender gaze, with a pink shiny filter, with the dreaded word she’d been on the run from for years.

that you hate me. tell me that you hate me.

“i hate you,” jude whispers. “i hate you and i married you and i hate you.” the two phrases weren’t mutually exclusive.

lollipop has been gone for weeks, but her junkie spirit is alive.

the wrath evaded nevermore like cats did water, but the gradual acclimation to qylin’s ring fills her with misplaced ease. it took them damn near six months, but jude finally surrendered her arm.

it pricks, the needle, like the pinch on her finger when cardan stabbed her for the salt in her blood. for the antidote to faerie fruit.

she’s high. she’s at a revel in new york and she’s vulnerable and she’s high.

it doesn’t take long for jude to cement her decision to never do drugs in her natural life again. but once that’s been engraved in her think tank, the world turns mellow and technicolor. it tells her to enjoy while it lasts.

she’s surrounded by leaves, platter of fruit, dancing pixies and slender fae. painful reminders of the home she direly tries to forget.

in a mirage, she pictures black curls under a golden crown of flowers. cruel lips forming a smile.

as if underwater, ears plugged with chlorine liquid, jude hears a seductive voice to her side. “what a pretty thing.” a woman. tall and thin, fae ears and slit green eyes. eyes that fall down to jude’s chest. “busty.”

not all quite there, jude struggles but succeeds in recognizing the tone coming from her courtier. and before she can respond, to her surprise, a second woman emerges from the back of her new companion.

she’s got beautiful straight teeth and straighter talons. “careful. saphine can bite.”

after being called hideous half a life, this come-on douses jude awake like a bucket of water. she studies the two girls and the raking nature of their eyes. she thinks perhaps if she paid more attention she could’ve recognized that in cardan’s eyes. could’ve told it apart from the hatred, the arrogance and the disgust.

without preemptiveness, without pause to think it over, jude tugs both girls to her. her body busts in sensation.

she remembers cardan in a maze, draped in languor and gold faerie drug and girls. black shark eyes watching her while horned girls had their way with him. one kissed his neck, she remembers, and another his knee.

“here,” she scoffs, pushing down sapphire or whatever’s head to her knees. “above my boot.”

a chuckle. “feisty, huh?” she hears, and she truly doesn’t care.

next, jude unceremoniously pulls the second girl up to her neck, leading them exactly where and how she wants them. she’s a constellation of heat and brief spikes of libido.

does cardan think of her? when he’s in bed or bedding someone new, whichsoever activity he performs at night, does jude cross his mind? does he remember her? sometimes in the ridiculous seclusion of her mind she thought cardan would be faithful to her once upon a time. she could slap her own cheeks for such foolishness.

his face appears stark in her memory. deep hollows on his collarbones, raven black hair and eyes devouring her like fruit. his lips, they’d been so soft.

jude leans her head back and laments her ghosts. she inhales sharply.

after the hot spell passes, after jude feels the trickle of tongue make its way up to her thigh and another down her chest, she pushes them away.

why? she doesn’t know. jude is only sure of the fact that she’s tired and doesn’t want this and instead wants a glass of water then maybe a bed.

saphine tilts her head, rolls her eyes, and waves her off, moving along. jude is thankful, for the first time, at being so easily discarded.

a month later makes two years since her infamous exit.

“unless cardan has a child,” oak said. many moons past.

the memory of him brings upon a dream. the opposite to her listless, watered-down dreams she grew used to having.

she sneaks through the palace, it’s name near forgotten to her, crawling against walls or chasing shadows.

he’s there. he’s in many of her dreams and he’s there in this one. hair astray. tilted crown. reclined on a couch, his tail freely swishing left and right.

if he remembers their pact of marriage, he doesn’t bother to show it. no mourning, no sadness, no desperation. unlike the other dreams of him, in this he’s placated. joyful, even, in a way so seldom his character.

jude’s understanding is little.

something squirms in cardan’s arms. when she gets closer it nearly takes her breath away to a fault, threatening to kill her. it’s a baby. older than a newborn but small enough to fit in his arms, to paw at his chin and gargle.

no test could prepare her for this sight.

and cardan. he’s absolutely changed. reinvented in the light of this babe, this creature jude hasn’t seen the face of. because that is his spawn, the tiny tail swishing from its rear indicates as much. that, combined with the black tresses, leaves no doubt that she is looking at a king and his heir.

in the depths of her shriveled dignity, jude duarte senses another break, another disgusting branched crack.

her husband is inconsolable in love. his bright smile slashes wide across his face, softening his sharp cheekbones. he lifts the baby to his face, pressing their noses together, cooing. she hardly recognizes him. but she recognizes the lack of a need for her.

this was a nightmare.

cardan lets the child descend, adjusting them in his lap with heartbreaking gentleness. to her horror, the toddler turns and pierces jude in place with raven black eyes.

she runs cold all over. the child has the look of a girl.

her coloring is unique, darker than cardan’s and any fae’s. it’s closer to… jude’s own. and below the black curls, which she realizes now is actually dark amber brown, there’s ears. rounded, untipped, human ears.

jude is utterly unmoored. the scene melts. she wakes up to hands descending upon her, to frightened questions of why she was screaming and that she’s woken up half of the gang. they cannot get a straight answer from her, and after plowing her with cups of water and aspirins from a quick run to the mini-store, the most they get from jude duarte is a somber face and a fall into her pillow.

jude becomes a gallery of girls. she’s judy, and she’s martina, and she’s amelie with the occasional latika. running in qylin’s underworld gang requires her to. police don’t catch her, fae detectives don’t either, and if by chance she needed to run an errand the name she gave was one of a basinful of fake i.d. cards.

“i once had a twin,” she offhandedly told someone.

“what was her name?” they asked.

jude slurped from a tall gas station soda cup. “doesn’t matter.”

three years. the earnest smile she’d lost a number of winters ago returns tenuously but surely. as a sliver, as a tiny reminder, as a planted seed showing the very smallest evidence of root.

a pixie joins their ranks. young and limber. her cerulean skin reminds jude of a blue court under the sea.

“fand,” she greets the mismatched group. “newborn nomad.”

jude welcomes her by the form of a nod, turning back to the display of headshots splashed on the table, organizing it into a semblance of order.

she feels fand dance around her, suspicious to her presence. she thinks for a hot minute that fand might want to cause trouble. jude focuses her attention to the knife hidden between her breasts.

the pixie stares at her, unabashed, and right as jude thinks to reach to her chest, fand grows the courage to ask. “you. do i know you?”

the question falls flat. “i don’t believe so. there’s little chance our paths crossed.”

fand squints. “well, i’ve just left elfhame. finally broke from that unruly mess.”

lightning forks in jude’s chest, attacking her nervous system. an old phantom possesses her body, causing her to still.

the pixie moves closer, inspecting. “your look, it’s so familiar.”

jude understands in a minute.

taryn. fucking taryn. always, forever, impossible-to-be-rid-of taryn.

summoning years of falsehoods and acting experience, jude breaks eye contact to laugh and feign offense. “all mortals look the same to fae, i’m sure.”

that is not a lie. she learned that from the wickedest prince himself.

when fand slips away from the gang two nights later, jude forces herself to block it from memory.

she’s almost twenty-one. in faerie she might have died since she was eleven.

here, she’s got a family. a rough knit circle of confidants, people she rarely thinks twice about trusting anymore. her music keeps her company, and her growing arsenal of skills, of wins, it warms the smallest piece of her soul.

how could she have hated such a place?

“counterinsurgents. we calculate two dozen below the bridge,” jekka, qylin’s second, explains over a map.

jude’s focus is precise, uninterrupted.

the years, the lack of practice from a simple lack of need to, makes it so that she doesn’t religiously check the perimeter, doesn’t spot a green face. his dark tuft of hair and hooked nose, spying from the window, hidden among leaves and wind.

if she had seen him, she might’ve remembered her old friend. if she’d seen him, she might’ve broken down in tears, or begged for a word, or done none of those things to help jekka figure out their positions for the next day’s raid.

“watch for the sniper!” one of her gang yells.

jude ducks, experienced muscles leading her across the space, the shielded street with broken streetlights. abandoned houses repurposed for criminal night creatures sprawl one after the other. they’ve chosen one a stone throw from the river, so close they could taste the salt while counting bloody fae or human scalps.

five, six, seven leaps and she’s out of shot, crammed into a wedge in the building. she took down three counterinsurgents already. the wrath ran rampant today.

another figure jumps out the window, two yards from her, and takes off running through the backside of the house, the one facing the water. swift as the wind, jude pursues in fervor.

bam.

first the noise like thunderclap. then the pain.

oh.

when they screamed sniper, she expected an arrow. she expected a taut bow and a sharp, easily removed tip of metal. not a bullet.

in the end, jude has been a galaxy of abridges.

she’s had abridged parents, gone before her eighth birthday. that led to an abridged innocence and an abridged life in their rudimentary home in maine. she’s had an abridged relationship with her sisters. an abridged sense of belonging.

she had an abridged romance with a prince and king. that chapter being severed short was, as they all were, not her fault.

she had an abridged marriage. an abridged kingdom rule.

to be culminated in an abridged life. thin and meager.

she hopes no matter how small her garden has been, that each poison flower and cherry blossoms she’s sowed has done its best to enrich the tiny piece of universe allotted to her.

she should’ve known when she saw the river.

in water all began, and in water it ends.

there are no screams. no chaos. the gang has left her, chasing their foes further up the street, looking to corner them. jude? she’s going for a dip. a passage to the next life. she’ll float to it. gargle on the last of life.

“huh,” she whispers.

the ache is pungent in her back, the bullet hitting close to the spine but not quite. deadly, though. deadly for sure.

she wasn’t queen of nothing. she was queen of death, the hierophant of misery. her whole life has been a string of it. well, no longer.

jude duarte reaches the water’s edge, using each fiber of her strength to not fall in quite yet.

in the haziness of all that she’d done and all that she’d run from, he comes to her. in dream, in flesh. she’s not yet in the water.

“jude.”

this has to be the mark between. the straddling line of life and death. because somehow, impossibly, she hears him.

“jude!”

or?...

her brows scrunch in confusion, a naked toe in the river already. she wants to turn, but the seeping life at her back won’t allow it.

she doesn’t need to. long arms surround her, someone moving in front of her to read her face, to see what lies there.

it’s him.

jude’s lids droop. her back is on fire, and she burns in the flames. he’s barely changed. matured into his looks, if she had to put it into words. his tar eyes, slender lips, pointed nose and legendary black curls suddenly remind her of being seventeen.

there’s so much in his face she can barely read any of it. “is it you? is it really you?” he demands.

she’s always been jude. who jude became, that was a different question. one she no longer cares to ask.

“i found you. i finally finally found you.” his voice is incredulous.

is he the harbinger of the beyond? was that his role to play this entire time? her thoughts eddy and murk the more time passes with a hole in her back.

it is an arcane thing, in truth, to be held by a creature she’s craved and despised. her body responds on its own by pressing closer, seeking warmth.

he might be crying. could also be the angle of the sun.

“please,” he whispers.

she hasn’t said his name in years.

“cardan.”

his eyes fall closed.

her mouth repeats the motion, recognizing the familiarity of his name. cardan. once her king. her husband. the sight of him brings forth a wave of emotions, cascading through her like a waterfall.

cardan tugs her close to a punishingly tight degree. “i thought you dead.” he speaks into her ear. “we searched for years. i thought you were gone. gone, jude.”

the word pulls her back, creates distance between them. jude lets herself get lost in his eyes, those splendid eyes, bottomless and infinite, a serene look on her face as she responds:

“almost.”

the fractious prince too arrogant to be a ruler does not stand in front of her. this man is similar, but a sense of strength she hadn’t seen is forefront and shining. jude wishes she could appreciate it.

if only this weren’t the last time.

“so it is you.” she says it with wonder, with a detachment that lets her turn away from his arms and face the river.

cardan’s intake of breath indicates he has finally seen her wound. he twists his neck, shouts to someone far back, hidden in the houses. “shes hurt! SHE’S HURT!” his voice is raw and desperate.

jude walks into the water.

a hand at her arm stops her, keeps her in place, but she shrugs it off with newfound confidence and turns around. cardan’s incredulous face sparks memories of faraway lands and kingdoms.

“what are you doing?” he demands.

jude’s lips break into a smile. how she missed his voice. she walks back until water reaches her waist, then her chest, then the crown of her head.

“stop!” she hears.

the layers of the girl she was, who she is, who she could’ve been, they merge. yes, she had missed faerie. yes, she had wanted cardan. yes, she had wept tears of rage at knowing she could not have either of them back. if she cried now, her tears would turn to river water, melding into the beautiful greater whole.

a hand grips her chest. another tugs on her neck, urging her up, up, up.

air. sweet air in her lungs.

jude gasps, her plans interrupted. the bulletwound at her back sears at the salt water, the sensation so intense it actually numbs her and leaves her feeling very little.

cardan presses her flush to his body. he raises her up, and his face is marked with horror and betrayal.

“how could you?” he weeps. his features are anguished, desperate. he’s shaking her by the shoulder. “how could you?”

jude smiles a wet smile. “remember when you pushed me into the rapids? and you forced my twin to abandon me and kiss your cheeks? i can’t remember a time when i’ve been warm since then. the water, it was cold. like a leech.”

“the roach is gathering for a salve. jude, you will be okay. you need to get out now.”

she realizes there’s something wrong. “wait. no. that’s a lie. i am a liar.” she tilts her face to his, eyes meeting. “you were warm. behind the throne room and in your bed. you kept me warm. but you ripped me from my home and i've been cold since.”

cardan does something she didn’t imagine him capable of. he didn’t do so when balekin beat him. he didn’t do so when his family was slaughtered. he did so this moment, with her encircled by his arms. cardan sobs.

maybe this is when he understands he’s been forever her herald. the marker of her death. their destinies, interlinked, but only for this.

as he bares himself open, jude candidly studies his face. there’s freedom in allowing herself to admit she missed him. missed all of it. her kingdom that never was.

“i’ll heal you,” he implores. his hand runs down wet and shakingly down her face. “you’re my queen. we’ll use our magic. we will, jude, if you stay with me. don’t you get it? the exile was fake. i never meant for you to vanish. i’m begging you, please, help me heal you.”

her forehead falls on his. waist-deep in water, she feels his short breaths fall on her cheek. “you held hatred for me once.”

slowly, miserably, cardan shakes his head. the motion makes her pull away but he doesn’t let her, staying together. “love. i held love, jude.”

love

four letters.

years of running. and it caught up to her all the same.

his words hit her worse than the sniper did. she staggers in his embrace.

“hold.” he says the word with intensity. “i hold, jude.” cardan refuses to let her go, won’t let her fall. “you walked away with my heart.”

thoughts swirl in her head. they swim around like the fish crossing in between their legs.

“hold,” she says weakly.

hold love. he loves me.

impossible. and true.

“huh.”

“hold me,” she asks him. and he does.

he does.

he appears vacillant to his actions save for holding her.

jude can’t remember a time when she wasn’t running. from her parents’ demise. from madoc’s threats. from the cruel fae. from her sister’s betrayal. from cardan’s torments and, apparently, his ministrations of love. from her own shadow.

they haven’t moved from the water. it’s been a minute. it’s been four years.

jude feels her body slag, the water making up for the new deadweight.

“i wish you’d never left me,” he murmurs.

gratingly, she lifts her hand to trace a finger along the hard, straight line and point of her husband’s ear. “cardan, are you here to ask me for a divorce?”

his face breaks. she’s fully leaning on him, his long arms cradling her to his chest. amidst their soaked clothes, she feels the thudding of his heart against her cheek.

jude’s eyes flutter open and closed. “i want to tell you i will. i want to tell you i’ve waited for it. i - ah…” a jab of pain causes her to pause. “i want to tell you it hasn’t been eating me alive to be apart from you. i want to tell you… so… many… lies.”

through her misty vision, she sees cardan shake his head. “you are not leaving me.” the conviction in his voice draws a laugh from her.

“oh, cardan.” it’s the last good breath in her lungs. in the distance, she feels the ripples of someone entering the river, racing towards them. she sees only pitch black eyes. “i already have. i already have.”

they are esoteric, rendered in numinous light. from their entwined bodies in the water, there grow white flowers at the riverbed, their petals straining for the sun.

#jurdanweek2020 #jurdan #jude duarte #tfotaedit #cardan greenbriar #he's kinda scattered in this fic tbh but i promise there is SOME sort of follow-through to the angst #if you survive getting there #this took me all night and now its 9am HELLO THANK YOU FOR THIS MADNESS HOLLY BLACK #note: this will be my last tfota fic fellas #nicky writes #mine #mine:tfota

102 notes · View notes

gwisingegooli · 3 years

Text

will the more i do set my heart free?

i learn every day, consume youtube videos, practice, gain experience, try new things

I turn on my PC

i usually hit my w33d pen and check out all the Discords i’m in and see who i wanna hang out with :3

Usually when I first get h*gh i’m anxious. idk the anxiety sucks but i still like smoking w33d. its just fun.

what is anxiety?

it’s when you’re worried things won’t work out.

usually i have a great time playing video games with my friends & laughing about stupid stuff. i get to meet new people.

i try to get off my PC earlier nowadays, at least by 11. my bf sleeps early which is good, and the last thing we do in the day is call.

then i workout for at least 10 minutes. today i did booty B)

today i also commuted to work on-site. it was so cute seeing everyone :D

there’s almost too much free stuff there. two free meals is too much for me but i’m still gonna order them ;) I’ll bring them home for Jean :-)

at the end of the night i go on my phone.

sometimes i’ll turn on a meditation video if i should REALLY sleep.

yesterday i did a ~beauty manifestation~ video. i passed out immediately & forgot i even did it. did it work? 🧏🏻‍♀️

sometimes i worry about the world

but i figure that once things are less ... awful

we’ll be able to have a positive outlook on the future

but right now the people in charge, a lot of you suck

please step down & stop doing dumb evil shit

also omg........... i was joking with eugene that we would be a dinkleberg (double income no kids) household & he was like dam really no kids?

and i was like uhhhhh i like kids tbh but even thinking about that makes me anxious

and he was like yea me too but gotta have kids to take care of you in your old age

LOL omg 🤦🏻‍♀️

anyways i love my cat & i bought Christmas presents for my family today!!! i suck at keeping gifts secret NYEHE but ILL DO IT

- sk ii set for mom

- $50 gift card for sister (bc the baby child does not have a card)

- “Achieving Financial Security in America” korean book for dad. table of contents seemed to cover everything 👍

- i got a really cute black hoodie for my bf. ngl for clothes, Asos is the goat. i’m thinking whether i trust my embroidery skills enough to stitch a Zero Two (anime waifu) logo 🤔 we love subtle weeb merch.

also i recommend the show “On My Block” on Netflix. teen drama not about white people 😜 about the hood

anyways we’re all in this together 🥰 don’t be afraid to ask for help and to trust a little bit that someone can help you.

i love chilling. i’m so blessed to have my job tbh. it’s a blessing.

gratitude 😭😭😭

i am thankful for how much i have

i wish everybody had as much as me. sigh giving up stuff sucks, but its two sides of the same coin.

i wanna believe that there’s a creative third solution where the Earth has enough resources for everyone but idk. probably quality of life has to be sacrificed a little bit.

should we all just do less?

4 notes · View notes

claraeuterpebaudry · 4 years

Photo

Playlist for a Friend: Mei Q. and Phineas

( @ohphineas & @princess-mei )

Kings & Queens - AVA

In chess, the king can move one space at a time But queens are free to go wherever they like You get too close, you'll get a royalty high So breathe it in to feel the love

It’s just a song about men and women being on equal footing, and I really love that about these two! They’re a girl-boy dynamic where the both of them have the same sort of energy level. From the get go, when Phineas first arrived on the scene, these two had such cute vibes, I loooved to read them together. And they got casted in the play, allowing them both to be able to ham it up on stage. But, yeah, I think this song is just a representation of that ground level they stood on. A King and a Queen. Not necessarily like, you know, in a romantic way, but as two beings who have respect for one another and built a friendship upon being able to see mutual likes and energy between one another.

Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

The sun is on my side. Take me for a ride. I smile up to the sky. I know I'll be all right.

Both of these two characters to me are just sun rays cast to Earth to bless us with their cuteness. Not to say that they aren’t also complicated, we will be getting to that later, but in the beginning of any friendship you’re not going to unload your baggage onto someone right off the bat. These two are so cute and they bring out the starry-ness of one another. With one another they can escape all the Bad Energy that secondary puts upon them and escape to a place where they can laugh and run lines and not have to worry about the dark storm cloud of bullies or gossip or the drama of it all.

Singing in the Rain - Simple Plan

I've got a song in my heart and I'm bulletproof There's nothing in the world that's gonna kill this mood No matter what life wants to throw my way I'll be singing, I'll be singing in the rain

This song is about not letting all the shit get you down. It might be raining, but sing to make it better. I feel like that’s something these two would get caught doing, singing while it rains down on them because their sunny dispositions and high energy will just turn any situation on its head. The rain, bad news and gray colors, can touch their lives but they can get through it!

She’s My Winona - Fall Out Boy

Even the young ones become irrelevant They always bring up how you changed (Oh, oh) Never the same person when I go to sleep As when I wake up, as when I wake up

To me, this song is all about how people are living in the moment. Death, the future, it’s all imminent and we let it play a larger role than we do Life. We’ve personified death to be this hooded figure who carries around a scythe, but rarely do you see life in human form. But that’s because Death is a permanent fixture and no one can change it. Life, though, it’s always changing and evolving. The song also goes on about wanting everything or nothing at all. And both of these sweet peas, I feel like, have goals and aspirations! They want big things for themselves and I admire that so much. Both of them went out for the play, Mei got her solo in dance, Phineas got his job with Cornelius. They are out there Doing It. Couldn’t be prouder.

Dancing Queen - ABBA

Night is young and the music's high With a bit of rock music Everything is fine You're in the mood for a dance

I just really think both of them are young and sweet, only 17 (but only like another day for Mei lol), and they’re both Dancing Queens. I rest my case.

Tough to Be a Dreamer - Felix Hagan & the Family

While some might see decay I see a change of season And everyone’s got problems, no more or less pathetic than mine ‘Cause I’m trying to project a sunny disposition But it’s hard to paint a smile on wasted young ambition

I said I was going to get under the surface, and here we are. I think the title alone is a perfect representation of these two. It’s hard to be enthusiastic and have all these ideas and creativity inside of yourself, and have it all be tarnished by the world around you. These two are so young and so full of life! I adore them so much and it makes me feel like an overprotective mother when I read about them hurting, lmao. But, yeah, I think they both aren’t all sunshine and smiles. The further their friendship progressed the more Phineas became influenced by other people’s opinions of Mei, and the rumors about her. And Mei just never seems to catch a break, lol. They can have their bad days, but I think at the end of the day both of them are still able to return to themselves.

All About Us - He is We, Owl City

The room's hush hush And now is our moment Take it in Feel it all

This song does have romantic intentions, but we can just ignore that because it’s very cute! And I think it can represent Phineas’ promposal to Mei and getting ready to go have a good time at Prom before it all went downhill, lol. It’s a back and forth between the singers, asking one another if they’re ready to go public and that they want to be able to have their relationship be done right. I think that speaks to these two’s friendship! And wanting it to be fun and right, and going to Prom together would be great! So Phineas asked and Mei said yes. And in that lil moment it was just all about them.

Talk - Khalid

Can't we just talk? Talk about where we're goin' Before we get lost Let me out first (yeah) Can't get what we want without knowin' (no)

I know this song might also be more romantic leaning, but I think it can work for friendship, too. It’s just about talking to someone in a relationship! Communicate with one another! Settle everything between one another instead of getting information from someone else or pretending like you know what the other person is thinking. Which! Is what these two needed to do with one another, and that’s what Mei is trying to do now after Prom happened.

How Do You Feel? - The Maine

I'd like to let you know that boys cry too Don't let them tell you how you're feeling I wonder why nobody is asking you Are you free or are you in sorrow? Are you free or are you being borrowed?

This one is more Phineas leaning, but it also works for Mei. Harping back on my point that these two are usually seem happy and upbeat, usually those people aren’t asked what’s going on inside because people don’t tend to think there’s anything wrong. But both of these characters have shown to be more than the smiles they put on. They have bad days! And they have more emotions than the positive ones, and that’s totally valid! The song poses a bunch of questions that these two should get asked more often tbh. Maybe by one another! Maybe they can figure out that they relate more on that level, too.

Maybe It Was Me - Sody

But maybe it was me who fucked it up Or maybe it was us So helpless and young Or maybe everything was all my fault

A downer, I know, but that’s kind of there they’re at right now! Phineas being influenced by other people’s words, and Mei having left Prom without him with Lock. I think this song can be from both of their head spaces, having regrets and having guilt for what happened between them but also feeling in the right for their own emotions. And they’re both valid, they never dtr but they also never laid it all out on the table. Although I am biased towards my brother and will take his side since his ass did get doused in punch and abandoned. I love Mei, though!! She’s such a cutie pie who finally, dear god, got her mans. But I think they both do still care about one another!! Hence the bittersweet song to end this playlist because that’s the present of their situation. I can only hope they reconcile, because I will sorely miss them if they don’t.

#bdrptask

6 notes · View notes

roccinan · 3 years

Note

《According to logic like that, Berlin also did nothing wrong because the writers made him that way. It wasn’t Gandia’s fault Nairobi died because the writers made him do that. While we’re at it, Palermo’s not sexist either because that was a writing choice TM. Alicia never tortured Rio because the writer did that. 》LOL even I find this logic absolutely ridiculous 😂 this made me laugh, so thank you! Which character were they bashing tho?? Tokyo? She gets a lot of flak and tbh i dislike her too

But even with my dislike, there's always a limit. I hate when stans of Character X excuse all their character's actions and then bash some1 else just for breathing. It's why I always feel guilty for disliking literally ANYONE else from lcdp because my brain goes hello? you stan berlin?? that bastard, rmbr him? + I don't see how others just completely gloss over their character's mistakes, you can just accept they have flaws? Come off that high horse lmao and don't blame the writers 😆

and that thing about fans being salty their char/ship isn't as popular and it's less abt the morals than shaming others abt the worshipping of their CHOSEN ONE》that is also SO TRUE! And I hate fans like that. Just let people enjoy what they enjoy? At the end of the day, this is all FICTION, but there's also limits to that, fiction isn't an excuse to romanticise toxic stuff. There's a fine line and far too many idiots acc me. Anyway, I am up for hearing that rant lol :)

Welcome back, anon! LOL you’re welcome ;) And right?? What kind of clown logic is that. So it’s not the writer’s fault when characters you don’t like do “bad” things, but it is the writer’s fault when your fav isn’t perfect. Do these people hear themselves...

Oh, this isn’t about my girl, Tokyo (I in fact love seeing comments hating on her LOL I think because I’m tired of female characters always having to be unproblematic cinnamon rolls in order to be loved-- female characters deserve to be dumpster fires too and Tokyo embodies that!). If you pm me off anon, I can go into more detail about what “inspired” my rant haha Here, let’s just say it’s not about Tokyo. They were bashing Berlin/Palermo which is why I said, “valid” lmao. It’s the fact that they followed it up with that stupid apologizing logic for their own favs that I had to say no to the clown car.

So without disclosing anymore, I assure you this clown is not a berlermo or serquel or Tokyo fan, so this has got nothing to do with any fan of those ships/chars. That’s all I can say for now lol.

“I hate when stans of Character X excuse all their character's actions and then bash some1 else just for breathing.” This drives me crazy, anon!! You’re so right! This is peak clown behavior. And was exactly what was happening. On another note, you’re free to dislike whoever you want- no need to feel guilty! And you already know I share the guilt in liking Berlin LMAO, but what are we gonna do? He’s not real, and also dead.

Back to the main point, I have seen such wild takes even about Berlin/Palermo (unrelated to what inspired the rant, but adjacent to it!). With my own two eyes:

Palermo was possessive towards Berlin. WHERE??? I must have missed the part where Martin said, “andres, I forbid you from marrying Tatiana” in the flashbacks

Berlin pretended to love Palermo back as part of a sick practical joke. Guess I also missed the part where Andres went, :LOL Martin look at your face!!” in 4x08

And it’s like, people are free (and tbh encouraged) to dislike these two, but that doesn’t mean they can go around outright lying and expect to be taken seriously. Just admit your least favorite characters aren’t one-note villains and move on with your day.

And it’s like, confident people don’t have to bash other characters to uplift their favs! For example, granted I haven’t read many serquel discussions but from what I have seen, most serquel fans acknowledge Sergio’s faults repeatedly. I know berlermo fans do the same for Andres. And from what I gather, Alicia fans don’t pretend she didn’t torture Rio of her own free will.

I’ve also seen in passing someone say something like they were sick of scrolling through ten posts of berlermo per day. There’s a way to filter tags, first of all. Secondly, to be frank, that person should be grateful berlin and palermo are bad people. If they were good people, it’d be 100 posts per day! And it’s telling when someone with exclusively het ships hates on the one popular mlm pairing that doesn’t even affect anyone in their own ship lmao. And the only reason they can hide behind moral reasons is because the characters in question are that way- like, I really believe if berlin and palermo were actual saints, these people would still be salty over their chars/ships being less popular. Same trick, different fandom.

LOL to be fair, lcdp itself is romanticizing bank robbers XD I think most things can get a free pass in fiction, so long as the creators in question are aware of what they’re doing and warn beforehand and (preferably, but this might be expecting too much of professional creators) really think about the implications/views of certain subjects, and how to present them. It’s easier in the world of fanfiction, because tags are a blessing!

Anyway, that’s just my rant- thanks for taking some of it off my chest lol. Like I said before, everyone can love and hate what they want- it’s just a show, as you pointed out. But boy oh boy, do hypocrites drive me up the wall! If they can’t practice what they preach, I really have no obligation to take anything they say seriously. A clown is not a preacher, amen.

#anonymous #lol you don't have to agree with anything I said either!#it's just a little rant about hypocrisy and how some people really don't practice what they preach smh

0 notes

makeste · 6 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 054: OG!Deku Had a Fucking Taser

Previously on BnHA: Todoroki showed up to help Iida and Deku after getting Deku’s weird message in the group chat. Stain proved frustratingly tough to deal with, even after Deku’s paralysis wore off and he was able to rejoin the fight. Having previously leveled up his inner peace and clarity stats thanks to Deku, Todoroki attempted to impart this same wisdom to Iida, and it looks like it just might have worked.

Today on BnHA: Iida has more sad flashbacks of his brother, and reminds us all that he wants to be a great hero like him. Stain says Iida is selfish and that he’s going to purge society of its fakers who are warping the word “hero.” If any of this sounds familiar, it’s because we’ve been listening to this same tune for the past several chapters. Thankfully the characters seem to realize my attention span is reaching its limits, and decide to wrap this up. Todoroki cools down Iida’s legs so he can use Recipro again. Iida kicks Stain in the face at the same time Deku punches him on the other side of his face, and it’s just the therapy I needed.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 126 now (lol I’ve been stuck on the same chapter for the better part of a week), so any ETAs will reflect that.)

there is exactly one cool thing in the vol. 6 bonus features, but that one cool thing is very fucking cool.

I fucking love learning more about this type of character-building process. not sure if this is too tiny to read since I shrunk the image; here’s a link to the vol. 6 extras if anyone wants to take a closer look

it’s fascinating that Deku wasn’t originally planned to have a quirk. honestly, I think Horikoshi’s editor made the right call there. since Deku ended up having to learn how to control his new power, we still got a taste of that “having to solve problems without the use of a quirk” situation early on, but with the added bonus of getting that satisfying sense of progression as his skills with One for All gradually improve

plus, I really love the mythology of One for All so far. and All Might’s bond with Deku is one of my favorite parts of the series, so I’m really glad that was developed as well

(ETA: okay, so just let me gush for a sec. as shitty as this Donald-Trump-is-US-pres timeline is, for the past ten years there has been one thing that still gives me hope for this Berenstain universe that we all ended up in, and that’s the fact that RDJ ended up playing Iron Man in the MCU instead of Tom Cruise. that is, until now. now there are two things, and the second one is that Horikoshi Kouhei’s editor made him give Deku a fucking quirk. because after reading chapter 59, and then the Kamino arc and its aftermath, I can’t imagine this series without One for All and everything that comes along with it. everything about it is so well thought out and impeccably planned, and it just feels epic. it singlehandedly elevates the series from “this is really good, I like this” to “this is fucking great and if the series keeps this up, it can and will stand up there with the best of all time by the end of its run.”

basically what I’m saying is, One for All is good and I like it.)

but it’s still very cool to know that it wasn’t the original plan, meaning there’s some alternate universe where Deku never received a quirk and still went on to take the superhero world by storm through pure shounen guts

OG!Deku carries a fucking taser gun in his bag you guys. OG!Deku didn’t come to play

on to the new volume!

oh dang what’s this. this appears to be the first chapter I’ve read that was scanlated by fans rather than being the official Viz translation. on the one hand, yay and fuck Viz, but on the other hand I was looking forward to seeing the new volume cover lol. should I risk looking it up?

-- OH MY GOD

I’M SO GLAD I LOOKED IT UP!?!

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: ORIGIN

YEESSSSS MY ANGRY SON. NOW THAT TODOROKI AND IIDA HAVE HAD THEIR ANGSTY ARCS, IT’S ALL YOU, BOY

at least I assume. dare I hope. looll

(ETA: holy shit this series played its cards close to the chest when it came to that Kacchan angst. they did not give two fucks about how badly I wanted it! but eventually they did deliver. boy did they ever fucking deliver)

all right, I’m not going to look up any more details about that for now. we’re going into this totally spoiler-free, folks. please look forward to it. yoroshiku onegaishimasu

all right. on to the actual chapter. so the first page is just a rehash of stuff we already saw, i.e. Iida thinking about his brother and how he aspires to be like him, and then Todoroki yelling at him to do exactly that, basically. “set your eyes on the man you want to be”

now Iida is crying again and thinking, “some hero I am,” and he’s realizing how much of a shithead he was being this whole time. okay, good. I don’t hold any of it against you, Iida. you were in a rough place

looks like we’re getting more big bro flashbacks now

oh my god these brothers could not be more different in personality

just like that Tensei has endeared himself to me for life

so he says that it was partly because it runs in the family, and their parents and grandparents were all heroes, so it was natural for him to follow that path as well. but he also just wants to be that guy who helps people out, even with the little things, because he says “that kind of guy is the coolest there is.” which is such a great fucking thing to say, honestly. you never know how the smallest action can have the greatest impact. and even if it doesn’t, those little actions still add up and make the world a better place

basically this dude is the shit and I’m mad Iida already called him as his role model. damn you Iida

and now he’s ruffling small Tenya’s hair and saying that if small Tenya admires him, then he just might be a great hero after all

just look at this fucking smiling guy who loves his little brother so much and just wants to do what he can to make the world better you guys

the world does not deserve him and fuck you Stain for what you fucking did to him

now we’re back in the present and Iida appears to be entering Full Shame mode, and is thinking he’s not worthy compared to Deku and Shouto who have been acting so nobly this whole time

“but nonetheless...!” yeeess Iida, now that you have Seen The Light it’s time for you to snap out of it and join our badass U.A. All-Star Superhero Group boiiii

what the fuck is Todoroki even doing

IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED. WHAT IS THIS KID

OH MY GOD, FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS DEKU?? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PLAN OF KEEPING HIS ATTENTION ON YOU?!!

(ETA: so I’ll explain right now that I didn’t realize Deku had been re-paralyzed toward the end of the previous chapter. so there’ll be several more comments to the effect of WHERE’S DEKU!? until I finally fucking realize this. please accept my sincerest apologies)

FINALLY IIDA IS GETTING UP, THE PARALYSIS HAS WORN OFF

USE THE THING IIDA OMG

YESSSSSSS

[PUMPS FIST IN AIR!!]

JESUS CHRIST. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. TODOROKI COULD HAVE FUCKING DIED JUST LIKE THAT HOLY SHIT

IIDA BROKE STAIN’S KATANA! GOD BLESS YOU, NEW AND IMPROVED IIDA 2.0 WITH THE POWER OF SELF-REFLECTION

NOW HE’S MOVING TO KICK STAIN RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEAD

WHERE THE HELL IS DEKU DURING ALL THIS, DID HE FUCKING DIE OR WHAT

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DEKU. ARE YOU JUST WATCHING?!

Iida is apologizing again for getting the other two involved in something they have nothing to do with. but this time it seems like it’s coming from a more resolved and stable place!

I can’t believe Stain is still out here lecturing about the evils of society instead of fucking booking it now that all three of them are out here gunning for him

he’s literally calling Iida “the cancer of society”

(ETA: Stain’s Annoying Rant Counter: 6)

now Todoroki’s calling him out for being a nutjob and he’s telling Iida to ignore him

Todoroki has been so fucking concerned with Iida’s mental well-being this whole damn time and I love it. what a good boy

but Iida’s agreeing with Stain and says he’s not qualified to bear the title of “hero”

BUT he’s not going to give up either!

Iida is going back and forth so damn much here I can’t fucking keep up. like, I’m glad he’s begun the process of becoming self-actualized now, and it’s great to see Todoroki trying to help others sort through their shit now that he’s more or less dealt with his own. but I also feel like we’ve been covering the same talking points over and over again throughout this entire fight which has now lasted like four chapters. and if I’m being totally honest, it’s starting to get just the slightest bit annoying and repetitive

like, we fucking get it. Stain thinks 99% of heroes are selfish hypocrites. Tenya really looks up to his brother and is justifiably angry about what happened. and at the same time he’s trying to live up to his brother’s name and ideals. and this whole thing is a really personal matter to him. like, we got that three and a half chapters ago. I kinda just want to finish this up already

meanwhile during all of this talking, Todoroki is blasting Stain again because obviously we’re not about to let up now, lol

the other still-paralyzed pro is shouting at Deku and Shouto to run since Stain isn’t after them. I can’t decide if I’m pleased that he’s concerned for their safety over his own, or annoyed at him for assuming that they would or could actually do that

and Todoroki says that Stain’s not giving them any openings to run away

and he’s also noticed that Stain has finally gone on the defensive now. all it took was him being outnumbered 3 to 1, and having his sword broken! wow

tbh I’m amazed he did as well as he did, all things considered. like, he definitely seems to have superhuman speed and agility, and that seems to have been the deciding factor thus far, way more than his actual quirk

(ETA: but unfortunately this is the start of a very annoying pattern of everyone lowkey worshiping the ground Stain walks on. omg Stain-sempai you’re so cool and powerful and charismatic and amazing. we’ll see this reach peak ridiculousness in another two chapters when Stain is simply so cool and riveting and captivating that every single other character winds up frozen in place just listening to him in awe.)

Todoroki is wondering why Stain hasn’t fled yet, given that he’s at an obvious disadvantage now

and he concludes that he is crazy and determined. again, what a great insight that’s already been beaten into our heads like a half dozen times by now

tbh I do like the idea of Stain as a villain, but as of now there’s just not enough to his character for him to hold my interest for such a sustained period of time. we get it, he’s wrong but he thinks he’s right! he’s a fanatic! fucking roger that!!

Iida’s looking at his boots and says his recipro is fried. which is to be expected since that always happens when he uses it, no? idk why he seems surprised

ooh but he seems to have an idea now? he’s asking Todoroki if he can regulate his leg’s temperature

Todo says he’s not used to his left side yet

but Iida doesn’t need the left side! he’s asking Todo to cool down his leg, but just enough so that his exhaust pipes don’t get blocked off

JESUS

okay I’m getting sick of this guy’s attempts to straight up murder Todoroki. I THOUGHT HE WASN’T AFTER HIM?? anyways thank you, Iida

and now Stain’s throwing another fucking knife, holy shit. is he ever gonna run out??

Iida’s shouting at Todoroki to “just do it quick”

just do it Todoroki

is Deku paralyzed again and that’s why he hasn’t done anything this whole time? I guess he must be

okay yeah I just went and looked back at the previous chapter and that’s why. Deku was apologizing to Todoroki and said he got taken out again. I got distracted by Todoroki shouting at Iida like a main character lol

anyway so now he’s recovered a second time. he still seems a little shaky, but with Iida out of commission again and Shouto also injured and not able to defend himself and Iida both, he pretty much has to make a move now

okay looks like Shouto was successfully able to cool down Iida’s engines, but Stain is already in mid-leap heading right for them

IS IIDA FUCKING PULLING THIS SWORD OUT OF HIS OWN ARM WITH HIS OWN FUCKING TEETH

WTF, THIS IS THE MANLIEST FUCKING THING ANYONE’S EVER DONE??

“I’ll give up this arm” WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

he’s using Recipro again

and now he’s charging toward Stain

and so is Deku!!

omgggggg

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOLY SHIT THE FUCKING DOUBLE TEAM YESSSSS

THAT’S THE END OF THE CHAPTER, BUT HOLY SHIT. IF THAT DOESN’T FINALLY KNOCK HIM OUT I’LL BE SO FUCKING PISSED OFF LOL

BONUS:

(I didn’t look up any of the bonus volume pages until after I’d read chapter 62, just FYI. so all of this is ETA stuff from my post-chapter 62 self.)

first, the volume title page is Jirou and Momo being lesbians!

at least, that’s 100% the vibe I’m getting here and no one can convince me otherwise

and now, the actual bonus page:

oh my god his vest automatically applies heating or cooling as needed based on his body heat. why the hell didn’t he have this costume to begin with. he had a weird costume at the start of the series that he wore like once and then never used again. oh well I shouldn’t be complaining about a vast improvement

it’s also nice to see he got himself a costume that wouldn’t immediately catch fire when he does his thing!

utility belt! he should add some wire rope to that thing so he doesn’t have to use easily-breakable dumpster twine the next time he has to apprehend a villain unexpectedly

and his boots have cleats! smart! but that probably makes things more difficult on those occasions when he wants to use his ice for sliding on though

ALL IN ALL, THEY’RE COOL ON HIM DON’T YOU THINK??????! lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #makeste reads bnha #todoroki shouto #iida tenya #midoriya izuku #stain (bnha)#in hindsight this is definitely where the arc finally started to wear on me #you can see where I was beginning to be done with stain's bullshit #I apologize for the next couple of recaps in advance #anyways let's not dwell on that #so do you guys think canon!Deku also carried a taser in his bag prior to getting his quirk #because I think we can all agree that would have been amazing

53 notes · View notes

neranishin · 5 years

Note

7, 14, 19, 2 for Xekken, Tyria!Will, Ahraminta?

7. Describe your OC’s fashion sense.

Xekken: Either perfectly average, or bedazzled. It depends on if he’s prioritizing comfort/practicality or fun. If the former, then something nice and presentable, but not exciting; if the latter, then at least 25% of his markings are on display and he’s wearing enough sparkle to blind the unsuspecting.

Will: A Mistake. Too focused on if he could to consider if he should. My go-to coat skins for him are the Stalker coat and the Bounty Hunter vestments, both of which heavily feature bones but in a scavenger disaster way, not a goth way. Not refined enough to be goth. Non-armor clothes have a distinct sense of “this was probably nice once, but you can only just tell under the wear and tear of an engineer who likes explosives too much.”Probably goth if someone else reigns him in enough, i.e. for a formal thing.

Ahraminta: Armor. Edgy, in multiple meanings of the word. She’s blood legion, and it’s apparent. I have difficulty sticking actual breastplates on her, but idk if that’s her preferring to use magic or just me not particularly liking most of the breastplates on charr. She will consent to being dressed up for formal events, but that’s someone else putting their fashion sense on her, not her actual fashion sense peeking through.

14. What is one of your OC’s secrets?

Xekken: Depends on the company. Some asura back in Rata Sum still don’t grasp the sheer depths of his capabilities. He’s not going to deny his relationship with Strix, but he’s also not going to be the one to bring it up with anyone outside Dragon Watch (and related personnel). He’s been pretty happy to let Pact people assume he’s Vigil, but that’s less of a secret and more of obligatory Whispers cryptic nonsense.

Will: Well. I don’t think the vampire thing is public knowledge yet. He’s extra enough that his Halloween fervor could just be chalked up to him having holiday spirit, especially since he gets that way around Wintersday and the Lunar New Year as well.

Ahraminta: Ahraminta doesn’t have secrets. She just has topics that you don’t bring up unless you want to be punched in the face. Her sire might kind of be in that category? Except I think they’re doing better after the quest line.

19. Your OC’s life is a musical. What’s the title of their big show-stopping song?

Xekken: “(You’ll Never) See Me Coming” Which would thematically be a broadway fusion of “Whatever You Want” and “Tiptoe”, in that it’s all very “Look how big and loud and obnoxious I am” and then in the last verse it’s “oh yeah btw I accomplished this thing and you don’t even know because ~Look how big and loud and obnoxious I am~”

Will: Ok I was stuck so I went and listened to Toril!Will’s playlist for inspiration, and one of the songs has “God[s] Bless Catastrophe” as a line. And tbh. Feels correct feels organic let’s go with that. Dear god, a Will musical would need pyrotechnics. It would be so much.

Ahraminta: I’m not sure about a show stopper, but her introductory song is “Meet Me In In The Pit Bane” and is 75% showy bravado and 25% threats of actual violence. So actually, the show stopper is “Meet Me In The Bane (Reprise)” where those percentages are flipped.

2. Post a line of dialogue from your OC.

Xekken, after watching Strix launch his roller beetle off a goddamn cliff: “Is this revenge for the Brand tornado thing?? Because I’ll stop. I will stop studying that if you’ll at least wear a helmet when Torque does that, swear by the Alchemy.”

Will: “Okay, so before I get into what happened, I think we should all take a moment to appreciate that everyone is alive, and no one died -”

Ahraminta: “Hey! That’s my salad, and if you’ve got a problem with the presence of any of my ‘bandmates, you’ll be adding my claws to your precious carnivorous diet. Well. They’ll be in your guts one way or another.”

#aldrovanda #sorry that I cheated on the dialogue and used things I've shared w you before #Xekken #Engineer!Will #William Bryce #Ahraminta Steelblaze #guild wars children

3 notes · View notes

madforskating · 6 years

Text

Out of the darkness and into the sun: my coming-out story

On Thursday, October 11, I decided to share a little secret. Yep, I like both boys and girls! That’s all! Thanks for coming! I wish it was that simple for everyone. Growing up homeschooled in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t know many other kids, other than my baby cousins. I watched plenty of sappy romantic comedy movies with my mom to understand the concept of straight romantic love: it was something beautiful that I would probably want when I was older. I learned about the birds and the bees when I was 11, reading one of those big fancy science books, and was, to be honest, a little disappointed to find out that was how it all worked. I understood it was necessary for the world to go round, but it just didn’t seem romantic to me, and my mom told me it’d make sense when I was 30. My first crush happened at 12, on a 20-year-old male figure skater – mostly because of his beaming personality and warm smile, which I interpreted as “cute”. It was an innocent, normal case of childish sheep’s eyes. But things got very complicated soon after. I started to notice the very beautiful female skaters. At first I called them my “girl crushes” – the word straight girls use for pretty females they admire, even though they don’t intend on dating them. But as I grew older and hormones kicked in, I definitely knew something was up. I knew that there were gay people in the world, but I couldn’t call myself a lesbian if I still liked guys, right? I had never even heard the word bisexual until I was 13, and at the time I thought it meant someone who dressed as both genders 🙈 When I discovered its correct meaning, I thought, “Wait, is that me?” But I didn’t know for sure. First of all, I am not strongly attracted to men. I definitely think some men are handsome, sweet husband material, but I don’t have that overwhelming sexual attraction to them. On the other hand, there are a few ladies I definitely see as sexy, but I’ve never dated a girl before and I’m not sure how far I would go. A bi friend of mine recently explained that bisexual just means you’re attracted to both males and females, and at this age it’s perfectly normal (and advisable!) not to be interested in “the facts of life” yet. I might grow into it, like Mama always said, or I might be biromantic – attracted to both sexes and craving a close relationship like a marriage, but not necessarily a sexual relationship. As of now, I honestly don’t know, and I’m okay with that. I’m just going to take this one day at a time. I started strongly suspecting I was bi in March of this year, and I admitted it to myself during the summer. One of my sweet Twitter friends, who has been openly gay for many years, called it “coming out to yourself”. It was a bit of a shock to me; I had always seen LGBT people as a group I accepted, but didn’t belong to. But once I had figured out where I stood, I could start my journey of telling others. A huge factor in my coming out story is a Twitter friend I met several months ago. She was in her early 20s, but she was finally starting to accept she was bi. I told her something like, “it’s something I’ve wondered about myself tbh” and after a while I started to tell her my story. After I had told her, I decided I would tell my straight friends soon. I was sitting on it for a while, trying to come up with the best time to casually bring it up. But then I saw that National Coming Out Day was coming up and I thought on a whim, “No better time than the present!” Was I scared? YES! But I reminded myself of all the people who inspired me – Eric Radford, my first LGBT role model; Adam Rippon, who represented both the Stars and Stripes and the rainbow with style this Olympics; Karina Manta, a Team USA ice dancer who came out as bisexual less than two weeks ago; and all the people – heterosexual or otherwise – who are just fearlessly themselves. And I want to be one of those people who share their whole self with the world. In the words of John Legend, “I give you all of me.” My mom has always been my biggest supporter. She has practically raised me on her own, homeschooled me for over a decade, and been there through every problem I’ve ever had in my life. Since she knows literally everything about me and we talk all the time, it really wasn’t the big scary conversation I imagined it would be. She said she guessed there had been something going on for a while, and I’d tell her when I was ready. I’m still trying to explain all the details, but so far so good. After we talked, I logged onto Twitter to come out to my online friends. Many of them were utterly shocked because I had never even hinted at being bi. I hadn’t even told my very closest friends – girls I chat with on a daily basis about literally EVERYTHING. It wasn’t that I was afraid to tell them; I just wanted to make sure I was 100% bi before I shouted it from the rooftops. They all accepted me so warmly, I cannot even describe it. Twitter people I know only casually were quick to give me a “good for you!” or “you’re so brave to share your story, of course we will support you!”. One of the most beautiful things about the figure skating community is how LGBT-friendly they are. This is how the rest of the world should be. I was a bit worried that one of my friends, who is a devout Christian, wouldn’t understand. I even sent her a long dm trying to explain what it all meant. And she replied, “I’m not gonna lie…I am a little shocked. But this doesn’t change how I feel about you. I still love you like a sister and I’ll always be one of your best friends!” That was one of the most satisfying moments in this little journey. So far, I’ve gotten nothing but positive feedback. I know there will be haters – there always are – but I am proud of who I am, and I have an army of people who support me. The truth is, many young LGBT people can’t just tell their parents without fear or disapproval or even disownment, and the public is another story altogether. I feel so blessed to have a mom who understands that a person is so much more than a sexual orientation. To all of you who are not in a position where you can come out yet, hold on. I don’t know if y’all are religious, but I believe God made us exactly the way He wanted us to be for a reason. I’m also thankful I can’t say I ever experienced the “long years in the closet” most people describe. I’ve heard so many people who know they are LGBT from as young as 5 years old, and don’t come out until adulthood. Since I didn’t even know I was bi until I was a teen and didn’t confirm it until earlier this year, there were honestly only a few months where I felt like I couldn’t share that part of me, as well as about two years where I was just plain confused. It’s pretty hard to hide something in a closet when you don’t even know what you’re trying to put in there. For me, it’s not really “coming out”, it’s “making a discovery and sharing it with the world”. I haven’t told my whole family, like my more traditional grandparents. And that’s okay with me. I’m not in a rush to tell everyone. If I’m in a serious relationship with a woman and I’m bringing her to meet the in-laws, then of course I’ll tell them. But while I’m young and single, I don’t see why they need to know about it. It’s not because I’m ashamed of who I am; it’s because it’s really none of their business 😉 Right now, telling my mom is enough. And that’s it. I’m out, I’m proud, I’m happy. This is not the only thing that makes me who I am. I am a writer, a student, a crazy figure skating fan, an artist, and just a girl who is about to celebrate her 16th birthday next month. I’m just glad I will be able to start my dating life knowing exactly where I stand, and I hope to eventually meet that special someone who takes my breath away. This was a long and probably very confusing post, so feel free to ask questions if you’re unclear on anything! Love you guys! 😘

#LGBT #coming out #National Coming Out Day #bisexual #biromantic #my story

4 notes · View notes

foodlegend · 6 years

Text

KFC DOUBLE DOWN

You don’t know how long I’ve waited. You don’t know how long the orange chicken cloud has loomed. Have I lusted after it? For a time I did. I first saw it on the menu in KFC in New York six years ago. I *regrettably* passed up my first sighting opting for something “normal” and then chased the memory at every American KFC thereafter – no sign of it. Had I dreamt it? Was it a prototype? Manager’s special? Oh to have kissed your chicken lips. Darling, I’ll wait for you. Fast-forward six years and the Double Down finally pokes its arse out in the UK. KFC piped it onto the domestic stage for the first time last year. After all those years I didn’t so much lust after it as limp away. It Follows. How did it find me? How do I pass on the curse? The cloud cascades its orange glow. Pulsing. Our eventual face-to-face felt so inevitable that all joy was lacking. Vigour? A vial at best. I mostly couldn’t face it because there’s no KFC within walking distance of my commute and tbh I didn’t fancy “sitting in” and doing it in public. This is a curtains closed scenario and would involve getting a bus specifically to go to KFC, putting it in my backpack and returning home to unwrap. Effort much? Gains little. As such the debut appearance of the Double Down in the UK passed me by.

Recently the Double Down returned for a six week run. She’s baaaaack! “Oh, boy” I groaned. Thought I’d got away with it but no – there’s that cloud again, parked outside my window. Right, this time reluctantly it is obviously happening. Eat your fears. It would have to take something special mind. Like Deliveroo suddenly (after 2+ years) declaring itself operational in my suburb? Something exactly like that! And I couldn’t come into this transaction of sound mind nor body – oh no - I would have to be on the ropes, in the sneeping clutches of a hangover entrenched in sofa. And thus I made it so. The scene was set. I ordered it, like Jesus, on the last day of the promotional offer. The prices on my KFC Deliveroo menu seemed somewhat plumped. Talking £7+ for a regular Double Down meal. Is that cricket? Probably not. Might as well opt for an £8+ Double Down “box meal” with a piece of chicken then. Here lies the jip. KFC state that their fries don’t travel well (they don’t start well either, honey. Worst. Fries. Ever.) and so they do NOT include them as a given in your meal situation – you have to exchange one of your virtual “side” tokens to unlock them from the Crystal Maze. Da fuck. That means with my box meal I had to cash in one of my two side coins on fries (the other on gravy, natch) and reader, that felt like throwing coleslaw out of the pram. You think you’d pay less for that deduction but I paid more for the privilege…doiiii! I wanted fries, gravy AND coleslaw! Wah! But was I about to pay £1.19 more for the coleslaw that should have graced my palm as part of the traditional two-side promise? No, I was not. There wasn’t an option to large my meal either, hmm, curious. So that’s a regular box meal, £8 something. No fries, fair amount of bollocks. But needs musto and I have no gusto. When the meal arrives it isn’t with a trad KFC cup of coke…it’s with a can of Pepsi. A smeddly can of Pepsi. I think they even put a +18p surcharge on choosing Pepsi as an option (no Coke option before you ask and believe me…I know). Where the FCK do they get off? My house evidently. Oh well, so far so absolutely rinsing me at every possible juncture. Well, at least I can hang my hat on the nailed-on certainty that the Double Down will look nothing like it does on the bus adverts. This is going to be shit. This is going to be two shits in a bag that have slid apart and there will be cheese everywhere and it will be small and I’ll have to fish it out like a mug and I’ll hold it up and look at it and said “£8”.

My sights were set so low that the travel-ravaged presentation of the Double Down was actually a distance better than what I was expecting. I was able to de-bag it and perform constructive surgery, the cheese that was left in the bag however was generous and a mite jarring. “That’s a lot of cheese”, I said to myself on my own in my flat in my head. I just picked it up, groomed it, placed it down and looked at it. That’s it. That’s the cloud that’s been looming this past six years. And I’m about to eat it.

I should point out for those unfamiliar with what the Double Down actually is. It’s a chicken burger with chicken burgers in place of the bread. So two chicken fillets with cheese, bacon and barbecue sauce between them. Some say KFC are marketing less as more and wow, buy our new burger – there isn’t any bread. That’s kind of not true though because there are two burgers and you only usually get one. You do get less bread (aka none) but you do get more burger (100% more). I get it though – they’re doing something. These are the notes that I made on my phone after eating it. “I wanted to go at it with a knife and fork. The top to tail. Weird.” I’ll start off with it doesn’t make sense. It just feels like two burgers on top of each other – which it entirely is. Imagine eating two hot dogs on top of each other without any bun. Hmm, you’re right – that would be pretty cool. Ok, imagine a mattress on a mattress with a duvet in the middle. That’s just making me think of a ham sandwich. Ok, imagine a chicken fillet burger on top of a chicken fillet burger. That’s what it’s like! I felt like the pieces of chicken were facing the wrong way – they were top to tail. Like the note above said. The fat end smooshed against the thin end. Should have been fat end against fat end. Feel like…not explaining good. You know how you get a two slices of bread and you face them the right way up so you have a sandwich with mirrored bread ends? Fat ends? Bread ends? You know what I mean. It makes you feel like David Hasselhoff eating THAT cheeseburger. If you’re not on the floor then you should be. I felt somewhat like a wreck and it really enhanced that low. It’s like a bear walking into a restaurant kitchen, bopping the chef out of the way and pawing two burgers together into its stupid bear mouth. It felt stupid and unnatural eating it. Just putting hands on it. The sensation was like eating two chicken fillets upon each other. It felt messy and unrefined. It was heavy going too, it felt solid and a chore. The bacon “filling” was meagre and undetectable. The cheese was the grout that bound. It stayed together in the piece but after a while I just felt weird eating it with hands and took to it with cutlery. It wasn’t wholly unenjoyable. In fact, I’d said it was quite enjoyable taste-wise but the ritual was more strange and uncomfortable. I really like KFC chicken for my sins so the gift of two generous fillets – despite their formation – was something that I almost didn’t want to end. When it was over I was essentially glad it was and having eaten that orange cloud, it is something that I would not order again. However… Said box meal was advertised as coming with a single piece of original KFC chicken. In reality the box held two unwarranted hot wings and NO piece of original KFC chicken. After I eated it I got back on my couch (am I painting too true a scene?) and messaged Deliveroo. The advertised meal I ordered with the intended one-piece sidecar had a higher cost value than the IRL delivery with two wings of lesser value (menu price 99p). In truth, I wasn’t arsed. I didn’t need that piece but thought I’d give it a punt as other factions of the experience had fallen short with the great fries side swindle and can of Pepsi shocker. I’m not a complainer. I’ve eaten a skip of disappointing takeaway fodder and I’ve never been tempted to write a snide user review. But today I thought I’d give it a bash.

WHAT! I’m not even hungry and it’s coming again. The orange cloud is back! Risen like a phoenix! I thought I’d deflated it. It lives inside of me now, no? No! It’s coming again! Well, this is unexpected. Take two.

“Yes”

The same Deliveroo driver delivers me my second meal. This is roughly an hour later at this point. I knew it was the same guy because I was following him on the app. The cloud catcher. Would he say anything to me? Don’t know what like. Fat bastard? Cheeky bastard? Just “bastard”? What would I say? Just laugh? Shout up to the kids “don’t worry it’s here”? Go down to answer the door in a disguise? If only there was someone here who wasn’t me…to answer the door, to share the wealth. All that crossed my mind but to be honest I was on orange cloud 9. I wasn’t that bothered at all. I didn’t say anything, just hello and thanks. No letting on, no explanation, just DING DING ROUND TWO FIGHT. It was funny second time around because the single piece of original KFC chicken was so small that it might as well have been a wing. I reckon they picked that one out especially for me. I slowly went at it. I was relishing the second can of Pepsi because I was parched. I should note that I had no plans of leaving the house this day and the cupboard was bare so this second meal was something of a long-term blessing. Just pick at it I thought and leave the Double Down in the bag until later on and we’ll see how it weathers. You knew it would fade fast. I’ll just have a bit of it now and save the rest until later. Tasted not unlike the first time. I wouldn’t say either was a standout. The presentation was much the same – not irreparable Tokyo Drift, colossal cheese slick. At one point, after eating the one piece and the fries and having nibbled at the Double Down pt.2 I thought that’s me for now. I’ll just set myself down on the sofa and come back to it in a few hours…which I did for a few minutes and then thought, nah I’ll just eat it all now and be full all day and then go to bed. Which I did.

I will say that the Double Down has cool graphics. Look at that logo. Black and red reaaaaal nice. Would wear on t-shirt inside house. The next day, after the original Double Down was retracted from the UK menus KFC introduced the Zinger Double Down. THE NEXT DAY. Orange spicy cloud. Rare Pokemon.

Despite my doubling down on the Double Down the day previous, it half danced across my mind to just order the Zinger Double Down but that was the cloud inside me talking. I’ve since passed the cloud and have no desire to Double Down. The Zinger Double Down limited appearance ended – without my intervention - on 12th August 2018.

The birds are singing, the sky is blue, and there isn’t an orange cloud in the sky

3 notes · View notes

acquagalaxies · 6 years

Text

Unexpected Live-blog: “The Count of Monte Cristo” by Hanna-Barbera

You read it right, only today, thanks to sabrinaonline’s post (thank you for the inspiration ❤) I found out that in 1973 was released a 46 minutes cartoon adaptation of one of Dumas’ masterpiece by Hanna-Barbera. I’ll put down below the youtube link, so you can enjoy it while reading my ramblings. As this short, of course they changed/simplified a lot of things:

youtube

- At Edmond’s wedding feast monsieur Morrel brought also his little son Maximilien, bless this child. Nice touch, totally approved. The meeting between two angels.

- I just tried to switch on youtube’s automatic English subtitles for joke and while Edmond and Jacopo are searching for the treasure on the island of Monte-Cristo:

if e-bay said so who am I to judge? - I don’t remember if there’s something like that in the book but seeing these two make EXPLODE the boulder that blocked the entrance to the cave by using the gunpowder from Jacopo’s pistols in a perfect cartoon style is so hilarious and I don’t know why I laugh for something so insignificant???

- Ok, serious talk, first of all, they erased Villefort’s character (so his father with him), and you hear: “Caderousse, Gaspard Danglars and Ferdinand de Mondego”. No, I’m not insane, I am not even drunk. They changed this way their names. Why does Danglars now have Caderousse’s first name? WHY FERNAND BECAME “FERDINAND”??? I know the first derives from the second but??? And why this pompous “de” between name and surname??

- the funny thing is Edmond saying “I returned to Marseilles after so many years, certain no one will recognize me” and you present yourself there WITH THE SAME HAIRCUT FROM YOUR YOUTH??? HE LOOKS LITERALLY THE SAME AS BEFORE JUST WITH OTHER CLOTHES HOW COULD THE PEOPLE WHO KNEW HIM NOT GUESS HIS REAL IDENTITY mdfjfdjkfdjkdxkmrgk oh yeah, I forgot we’re in a cartoon now :)

- ok there’s the scene when he came into Caderousse’s tavern for informations™ about his enemies. He went here not as Abbé Busoni but directly as the “count of Monte Cristo”, he tells the old man that he is a person who was saved years before by a young sailor (Edmond Dantès) and now that he became rich he comes back to pay the debt by giving the boy a diamond. Honestly, it makes more sense as excuse than a random priest who says a poor sailor during his last moments into a dungeon gave him a fucking high-value diamond.

- Oh well, here Valentine is Danglars’ daughter everything has so much sense now :)

- ALBERT ISN’T HERE WHY DID THEY TAKE THE JOY AWAY FROM US??? WHY ROB HIS PARENTS FROM THE LIGHT OF THEIR LIVES???

- Also, for some reason in this movie Fernand Ferdinand has the title of… “marquis”? Marquis de Mondego? Why

- Caderousse tried to rob the Count. Caderousse ended up off a cliff. #When it’s not according to the plan

- Ah just to say, apparently everything is settled on Marseilles. No fucking Paris. No fucking Rome’s Carnival arc. I am disappointed.

- The “duel” with Fernand Ferdinand is so stupid oh my God

- This adaptation is so dumb, it has nothing good at al- WAIT we have an unexpected plot-twist: Mondego didn’t die/kill himself and Mercédès left a letter to Edmond saying “Dearest Edmond, my heart is with you but Ferdinand is a broken man, he will need me in the days to come, try to understand, with all my love, Mercédès” AN ACTUAL ENDING WHERE THEY DON’T FALL APART AND SHE INSTEAD DECIDES TO STAY AT HER HUSBAND’S SIDE??? I’M SCREAMING 👏 FOR ME 👏 THIS IS 👏 A DREAM 👏 COME TRUE 👏 OH YES 👏

- Now it’s time to realize also Maximilien dream by withdraw Valentine from her house so they can marry each other, and in her now empty room MC left a message to the baron: “since you saw fit to ruin my marriage and my life, I’m making certain your daughter finds happiness”

- youtube subtitles strike again.

- Ok the sword duel with Danglars is more entertaining tbh - And the ending is also bitter-sweet as it should be (but you missed the “bide your time and hold out hope” thing so it’s points less for you).

@myhamsterisademon @team-mom-wannabe @shadowofthemoth @chargeofastar

#I tag you because it's too funny and I need to share this with some friends #The Count of Monte Cristo - Hanna Barbera (live-blog)#who else wants to see a Danglars vs Bat-man movie?#I love how Fernand/Mercédès ended #this actually gives me highly feelings #thank you Hanna-Barbera for bringing me joy with this add

9 notes · View notes

wannawrite · 7 years

Text

Melting Of The Ice Cream Girl

PD101 / MXM’s Im Youngmin X Reader [fem ver] ( I can finally type MXM instead of BNM :“) he has debuted I am still shooketh by their album I wrote this on the day of the debut itself ) Fluff, mild angst

part one

part two

bulletpoint ver. • ok so at your sch, Youngmin is like THE sunbaenim • you’re super shy to everyone - since you’re so quiet everyone is like ‘bruh we better stay away she’ll kill us’ but wild asf with your friends • you have a crush on Youngmin bc tbh who doesn’t ??? hello anon, thank you for requesting, you know I love my MXM boys :”) uhh, you didn’t really specify if there should be romance + how it should be formed so I went ahead and did it anyway…..hope you’re okay with that. Drop me a feedback ask !! Especially if you want it rewritten, in scenario form too etc, it’s okay. But please drop me another ask on how you would like part two to be :) I split it because I wasn’t sure and I’d rather get feedback from anon yourself. This is just plot set up i’M SORRY THERE ISN’t anY ANGST FOR NOW PLEASE TELL ME Hope you like it. - admin L PS: this actl describes me perfectly ?? anon have you been stalking me ??? __________ • okay so everyone loves Im Youngmin • like literally everyone • Mrs. Wang from Science block 3 ‘I love Im Youngmin I gave him a new school bag for his birthday’ • Cindy from History, Wednesdays, third period ‘Once, Im Youngmin stepped on my worksheet and apologised after. It was the best moment of my life’ • Jae in Art, Fridays, fifth period, 'Sometimes I draw Im Youngmin when asked to freehand art’ • Youngmin is THE sunbae of the school • c'mon • you really need to arrive at school in this fancy ass limousine like car? • with your school shoes being custom Gucci sneakers ??? • on top of that • he’s so good looking Jihoon from physics aka the prettiest boy in school cried when he first saw Youngmin’s visuals • you still have that video on your phone bc Jihoon is one of your close friends • Youngmin also has the sweetest personality • boyfriend material • everyone in the school is charmed by him • infatuated almost

• sometime last year, he accidentally spilled his coffee on your notes in the library and offered to rewrite them • by hand • you were so shocked • and shy • no words came out • instead, you grabbed your things and ran out because you were too shy to even look at him • 'oh no the ice princess strikes again’ • everyone talked about how you ignored Im Youngmin sunbaenim and rushed out • for days • like ??? move on • but interaction between the Senior sunbae and Junior ice princess was rare • Youngmin tried multiple times but you kept disappearing, brushing him off • turning the other way when you saw him • quickly running to class • avoiding his gaze in the canteen • you name it • you did it • eventually, his best friend. Kim Donghyun told him you were the infamous Junior ice princess • simply because you repulsed everyone else other than your clique in this school • ice princess™ • no ??? you were just too shy to form words • even to reply to teachers • the words just got stuck in your throat and you constantly panicked • everyone just assumed you were the toughest, baddest bitch in Junior year after that • Youngmin shook his head, sighing • 'no way, she can’t be’ • 'it’s true, hyung! Y/N is really an ice princess’ • 'THE ice princess of Brand New’ • he asked Sewoon and he said the same thing • in fact, his entire sunbae + chaebol clique agreed • 'Y/N is Brand New High School’s ice princess’ • you were cold, mean and unforgiving • like winter • but sometimes • you only play with snow in winter • your clique found it ridiculously funny it became an inside joke • Hyemi always found some time of the day to make fun of it • only Hyemi, Jihoon, Daewhi, Woojin and Mina knew the truth • you were the craziest person they knew • once, Woojin got a call from Mina at 3am because you had climbed through her room window • essentially, you broke into your best friend’s bedroom even though you knew the passcode to her house • btw did I mention you were also super charming and charmed tf out of your friends’ parents ??? • so your friends’ houses were like your second homes • you were welcomed anytime • honestly, you said the weirdest shit on a daily • and communicated in memes • another time, you challenged Woojin to race around the supermarket with trolleys • it’s safe to say you aren’t allowed back into the supermarket • but i heard you like bad girls? • you walked in there and bought chocolate milk • twice • no one noticed • anyways • main jokester • and prankster of your squad • it was Jihoon’s birthday and you woke him up by shooting him with water guns • he fell sick almost immediately after • once you heard that, you ran over with medicine and soup • you stayed the weekend on his bedroom floor just to nurse him back to health • 'y/N yoU don’T haVE TO’ • 'nO I MUST CARE FOR YOU. YOU MIGHT DIE OTHERWISE’ • ’…..’ • 'jIHooN DRInK YOur SOuP’ • 'wAiT i’m goIng to gET MORE BANDAGES’ • 'whAT DOES A FevER havE TO dO witH thAT ?’ • your friends just make you all soft and sweet honestly • which is why Youngmin knew you couldn’t be the ice princess of Brand New • he tried to talk to you a few times before • but you were already introverted beyond conversation on a daily ??? • much less in front of your crush • you really didn’t mean to let your eyes widen so much • you looked at him straight in the eye • well tried to • and nearly chemically combusted after looking into his beautiful orbs • Youngmin thought you glared at him and backed off after that. • it saddened you that it was partially your reputation’s fault for ruining whatever chances you had with Youngmin • until…one day…Youngmin confides in his best friend, Donghyun • but Daewhi and Donghyun are like twins so • Daewhi finds out and tells Mina • fun fact: Mina and Youngmin are in the same math class bc Mina is an intellectual • she tries her best to get you two together • but yoURE JUST TOO SHY REALLY MINA • i CanT SAY A WORD IN FRONT OF REGULAR PEOPLE EVEN • minA WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO • ok so since she’s an intellectual right • instead of listening in advanced math class, she’s listing down ideas on how to tell Youngmin about you • it’s okay bc Mina knows every formula and still scored an A • oooh another fun fact: Mina and Youngmin now sit together for a new term • you’re lowkey salt but you don’t know her plans • Mina and Youngmin become good friends ??? Somehow ??? • idk he says hi to her in the hallways and once again you feel a pang in your chest • but you’re the ice princess, you don’t exactly have emotions • one day, youngmin lent his math notes to Donghyun so • 'hey Mina can I borrow your notes real quick?’ • he’s flipping through her note book when he comes across this • 'sweet things Y/N has done for us’ • 'how to get Y/N to confess’ • 'Y/N X Im Youngmin’ • oh god he’s so intrigued and flattered • and now he’s a blushing mess • he reads and realises that his theories are true, that you are the sweetest and craziest person in this school, contrary to your reputation • so he decides to give you a new name; the ice cream girl • sweet but cold, sometimes appearing in crazy flavours • and sticks to his lips ;) • and Im Youngmin is going to melt you (guys Donhyun literally saves Youngmin as 'Melting Youngmin’ in his phone and if that ain’t the cutest) • he starts off by doing the least but also the most • which is acknowledging you in the hallways, in class, at your locker • you always keep your head down and kind of bow slightly instead of saying anything because your entire face looks like a tomato like why • but eventually, you return his greetings with a shy wave • and it makes his entire day, his clique is like 'hyung, why are you so happy today? Are you okay?’ • 'oh i’m fine.’ he says as he spins around like a ballerina ( bc my son is graceful ) and nearly slams into a locker • 'Im Youngmin sunbaenim brushed by my locker and I was eternally blessed’ - Tina, chem lab • one day, you’re out with Daewhi and Woojin to shop for a birthday present for Daewhi’s mum • ya’ll being the cutest best friends ever. racing around the mall, making bad puns and memes out of weird items • the usual, how you are in your true form • sunbaenim + chaebol™ squad is also at the mall • youngmin spots you and daewhi being super lovey dovey and close and he feels this strange pain in his chest ??? he doesn’t even know anymore tbh • 'hyung let’s go and eeeeaaatttt’ donghyun begs and the entire clique let’s him choose where to • great, he just had to choose that place that daewhi, woojin and Y/N walked into • daewhi and woojin spot donghyun the second he walks in and starts waving frantically • 'hyUNG! HYUNG! HYUNG COME SIT WITH US!’ • youngmin tells the rest of the squad to sit first and that he and donghyun would join them soon • BNM babies reunion :“) • you’re just sitting there awkwardly to the side shoving fries in your mouth but it’s cute to see your friends interact with their close seniors • 'hey Y/N, how are you?’ Youngmin suddenly asks and you’re forced to reply • 'uh-uh i-i’ve been good, sunbaenim’ ok Y/N pull yourself together why did you say that • Youngmin just chuckles 'Sunbaenim? Aww Y/N you’re so cute but please, just call me oppa’ • you can practically hear daewhi, woojin and donghyun’s snickers • youngmin’s heart is softening the more he looks at you • he just needs to uncover your true interior • meanwhile, your heart is thudding a 150km/h you don’t even know because you’re so alarmed by Youngmin being nice to you and all • what should you do? part two has arrived

pls drop me a feedback ask + direction you want this to take :)

#admin L #im youngmin #bnm boys #brand new music #kim donghyun #MXM #lee daewhi #park woojin #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 #mxm scenarios #bnm trainees

162 notes · View notes