#it’s all my fault

[michelristenpattsworld]

Hope nope

But staying alive is enough worth living for

My life as a musician

In de jaren ‘90 was ‘t:

Muziek maken en een hoop leuke dingen doen..Maar:

Waarom slaat het nou niet aan? Veel spelen en vooral: blijven hopen, doorzetten en niet zeiken.

——////——///

2000-2015:

Hoopte ik alleen nog maar dat ik met muziek maken zonder uitkering zou kunnen rondkomen. En wie weet..een beetje spelen met eigen muziek en goede muzikanten. Dat lukte gedeeltelijk..Maar wel met elke keer de angst je huis uitgezet te worden. En ten koste van elke denkbare vriendschap.

—-///—-///—

2023

Ik hoop alleen nog maar dat ik in leven blijf.

Such a beautiful decline..

—-///—-///——-///—-///——-///—-///—

And I, I've been lonely

And I, I've been blind

And I, I've learned nothing

So my hands are firmly tied

To the sinking lead weight of failure

I've worked hard all my life

Money slips through my hands

My face in the mirror tells me

It's no surprise that I am

Pushing the stone up the hill of failure

And they tempt me with violence

And they punish me with ideals

And they crush me with an image of my life

That's nothing but unreal

Except on the goddamned slave ship of failure

And I'll drown here trying

To get up for some air

But each time I think I breathe

I'm laid on with a double share

Of the punishing burden of failure

I don't deserve to be down here

But I'll never leave

And I, I've learned one thing

You can't escape the beast

In the null and void pit of failure

Hmm-hmm-hmm

When I get my hands on some money

I'll kiss its green skin

And I'll ask its dirty face

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I'm the fuel that fires the engines of failure"

And I'll be old and broken down

And I'll forget who and where I am

I'll be senile, or forgotten

But I'll remember and understand

You can bank your hard-earned money on failure

I saw my father crying

I saw my mother break her hand

On a wall that wouldn't weep

But that certainly held in

The mechanical moans of a dying man who was a failure

My back hurts me when I bend

'Cause I carry a load

And my brain hurts like a knife-hole

'Cause I've yet to be shown

How to pull myself out from the sucking quicksand of failure

Hmm-hmm-hmm

Some people lie in Hell

Many bastards succeed

But I, I've learned nothing

I can't even elegantly bleed

Out the poison blood of failure

#personal #fail #failure #loser #Born to lose #bad luck #no luck #no luck ever #born to die #no hope #no hope left #meaningless #meaningless life #not for me #no future #no future for me #hope nope #born under a bad sign #it’s all my fault #they are right #ik kan niet meer maar ga wel door #Such a beautiful decline #my life as a musician #the swans #Youtube #music

[imnotokaypeeps]

“I need to fix myself” she told him holding his stare “That’s my number one priority.”

- Legacy: chapter 27

ms. sophie foster hitting us with the it’s all my fault we’re failing feels again :(

#kotlc fandom #kotlc #quotes #sophie foster #it’s all my fault

[bl00ds0akedb0nez]

it’s all my fault.

#vent #vent blog #help lol #tw selfhate #it’s all my fault #i have a problem

[miscreantbread]

i hate growing up i hate feeling unloved i hate not having a best friend anymore i hate feeling so numb and sad all the time i hate it i hate it i hate it

#it’s all my fault #i fully think i’m incapable of friendship at this point something is always wrong with me #stop it stop it stop it #dyl rambles

[decease-soul]

My love isn’t good enough…

#venting #just bc I fucked up #it’s all my fault

[margeraposting]

Once again ruminating over pseudomemories, being mad at my old friends and brooding about what my potential could have been if shit hadn’t happened. Ugh.

#//vent #I literally hate myself I wish I could cease to exist #I would have been better off never being introjected #so much potential wasted on me #so much shit I should have never done #so many people who introduced me to shit that ruined me for life #if I didn’t need everyone to like me I would just scream at them for hours and hours #but I know if just start crying and blaming myself again #it’s all my fault #I drive everyone away #I think it’s just my name and my existence #there is no running from the pain that comes with being me #in every universe I will never ever be happy #it will always haunt me #I will be dead and it will still seek into my skin like the worms #it will get under my skin into my veins and lay eggs there #never leaving until it has eaten me alive and dead #I will never rest in peace #I was just a fucking kid

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

#ramble #if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands #you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things #some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible #the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think #i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex #this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!! #how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about #yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian #you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate

[cosmicallysick]

It’s all my fault

I haven’t been able to work since November, and we’re not gonna make it, we’re not gonna be able to pull through this financially

We’re almost out of money and we don’t have enough coming in to pay our bills anymore; our savings are gone, our checking accounts are empty

It’s about to come down to choosing between rent and food yet again, and a roof over our heads is more important than eating rn, especially because we have to feed our cats before we feed ourselves

I thought we’d finally, finally escaped poverty two years ago, but we’re right back to where we were back then, and it’s all my fault

It’s all my fucking fault

#it’s all my fault #poverty #cosmic is sick

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

Toothpaste companies must really hate people who are allergic to mint toothpaste, which a lot of people are! Apparently it's NOT supposed to burn like minty hellfire? (I'm fine with mint candy, it's only mint toothpaste that hurts)

I've been using Tom's fennel for years, but am now trying to find one with fluoride in it, and finding a toothpaste that is no mint and yes fluoride should not be such a huge and infuriating quest. still got some more grocery stores to search, but not even the children's toothpaste in the nearest one had any that were suitable.

#LIKE FIIIIRE! HELLFIIIIIRE! THIS FIRE ON MY TONGUE! #I therefooooore requiiiire a new paste tooooo cleeaaan gums #It's not my fault! I'm not to blame! it is the Colgate brand and Crest who've set this flame! #it's not my fault‚ if in their plans‚ they made the toothpaste so much stronger than a maaaaaaannnnnn #protect me‚ oh grocers! don't let the menthol touch my lips‚ don't let its fire sear my mouth and gums! #PROVIDE ME WITH FLUORIDE‚ but not mixed with the fires of Hell‚ and I'll keep all my teeth for years to cooooommeeee #HELLFIRE #MINT FIRE #IS ALL THAT I CAN FIND! #I may be! requiired! to order paaaaste oooonline!

[yourheartinyourmouth]

please somebody just help me please gods please i am going to be fucking homeless and lose my cat and i am just tired of living in grief.

i miss my fucking cat. i miss my car that died last year. why do only bad things happen to me.

#i know what i did #i know why i’m being punished like this #it was my fault #i’m so sorry it was my fault it was all my fault #i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry #please i wish i could take it back #please i’m sorry #i know what i did was unforgivable #i guess i do deserve this #it’s all my fault #it’s always my fault #it’s me. the problem is always me. it’s always my fault. #i understand why i have to suffer but my husband doesn’t deserve this #he doesn’t deserve to have to live with me #it has always been My Fault. #i am the one who is not good enough. #deficient. insufficient. as useless and as heavy as a suitcase full of rocks.

[maxgicalgirl]

Being a “Fun Fact !” kind of autistic is all fun and games until you get halfway through sharing an interesting tidbit and realize that it probably wasn’t appropriate to share in polite company and now you have to deal with the consequences :(

#autism #neurodivergent #adhd #fun facts #GOD I’m such an idiot #anyways now a 10 year old is out there looking up swear words online and it’s all my fault :( #I got so excited by the fact that I knew a fun fact #that I didn’t stop to think that maybe not everyone knows that fun fact for a reason :( #it’s like explaining how to successfully bury a body at a book club #or explaining the dangers of Scientology to your sister’s boyfriend the first time you meet him #or debating gay sex positions with your best friend in front of your mom #no matter how much I wish to be a beacon of knowledge in this world #sometimes there are things others just don’t want to know #and consciously that’s valid but the autism ? I does not care

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[makanidotdot]

i was made aware a warcraft version of this meme didn't exist

#comic by illidan's alpha male podcast #warcraft #illidan #tyrande #malfurion #human resources meme #also they are not cool at all they are all dumb #one of my friends is reading wota its their fault

[doesephs]

jean moreau really said battered housewife but make it cunt.

#nora possessed me it’s not my fault #abused hampster #jean moreau fanart #jean moreau #digital art #all for the game #aftg fanart #aftg #kevin day #the foxhole court #the sunshine court #tsc #waiting for the tsc cringe to hit #illustration #digital painting

[random-blog-of-a-nobody]

There’s an old saying that if you get a matching tattoo with someone, your relationship/friendship will fall apart.

I didn’t think much of it when I got matching tattoos with my dad…

He passed away a yr and a half ago from cancer…

I blame myself, because I can’t be mad with anyone else…I blame myself because I wholeheartedly believe it’s my fault…I blame myself…

I blame myself…

#bottling up emotions #emo #emo girl #tattoos #tattoo #matching tattoos #cancer #father #dad #tattoo superstition #superstition #it’s all my fault #all my fault #i killed him #deceased #it shouldve been me #i’m so sorry #i’m sorry #I hate myself #i miss him #i miss him so much