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#it’s not even about being palatable to strangers
knight-commander · 3 months
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m4sc4r4 · 1 year
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More on bad relationship habits in the tags
#I mean this didn’t turn up in a vacuum like I think it started when I was a kid and I was picking people#sometimes unconsciously sometimes deliberately#to act as a stand in for the parental love and validation and just like general guidance that I didn’t get#something I needed to do not only because sometimes it was the only way to address real practical problems sometimes I just needed#to fill the void#and so I have complicated feelings on it bc no one really wanted to be that for me so I understand that they were overwhelmed#not to mention sometimes my age or only a couple years older#but like at the same time sometimes I just wanna look back and scream for someone to just acknowledge me and the situation I’m in#I got the constant tired response of like ‘’go to ur dad about this’’ but if you take 2 seconds to think#why would I be spending all my time trying to keep strangers online happy and even sometimes enduring them being very mean to me#and spending all my time worrying if I was palatable enough to make them love me basically#which even meant dreading turning 18 bc I was worried they’d abandon me#why would I be doing all that if my dad was a reliable figure in my life?#and it’s so angering bc it’s like you could’ve discussed your own side of things without denying the gravity of the situation#but anyway that’s a tangent that’s not the point#I know it wasn’t great for the people around me#and now i really have no excuse but to change#but that’s so difficult especially since historically when people i viewed as standin caretakers got fed up with me#I’d just abandon them and cut them off entirely bc of good ol rsd#I don’t really know any other way to deal with it
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munson-blurbs · 1 year
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Single Dad!Eddie x Fem!ReaderSeries
1 | 2 | 3 | 4
Summary: Eddie's guard is back up after overhearing people gossiping about a secret that only you would know about. When he lets his animosity take over, the damage may be too great to repair.
Warnings: angst, Eddie is really mean to Reader, mentions of CPS, Reader's grandma has Alzheimer's, slowburn, strangers to enemies to lovers, angst, Eddie is 30, Reader is 28, no use of y/n
WC: 3.7k
Chapter 4/20
Scruffy!Eddie edit credit to @eddiemunsons-missingnipple Divider credit to @saradika
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Eddie is still fuming when he pulls into the music store’s parking lot. He’s opening today, and his hands tremble as he fumbles with the keys. All of those parents are going to know that he’s a failure of a father.  The Munson reputation clung to him like a bloodsucking leech, regardless of his numerous attempts to shed it. He’s destined to be an outcast at best and a monster at worst. 
Finally managing to unlock the door, Eddie flicks on the lights, blanketing the shop in a hazy glow. The silence is deafening, and he swears that his brain will implode if he doesn’t get some background noise. He walks to the section labeled ‘METAL’ as if on autopilot, grabbing Metallica’s Master of Puppets and shoving the cassette into the player. Ash insists that they play classic rock over the crummy little sound system; something about it being ‘palatable’ for the customers, but she’s not here to scold him. 
He thinks back to when this album was released, towards the end of his third senior year. The good ol’ days, when I only worried about passing O’Donnell’s class and planning Hellfire campaigns, he thinks wryly. But, no; that isn’t quite true. He’d had to worry about the trailer getting repo’d, or whether he and Wayne could stretch their food stamp budget enough to feed two grown men. Concerns that his uncle had tried to hide from him until he no longer could. 
“Ed, you’re eighteen now,” Wayne had said, just one month after Eddie’s birthday, “and I’m gonna need you to start payin’ some bills around here.”
At the time, Eddie thought he was just being a bastard. It wasn’t until a few days later when he’d spotted the envelope marked PAST DUE in bold, red letters that he realized it wasn’t a punishment, but a necessity. 
He’d been selling for Rick ever since. Well, until now. 
“Battery” fades out to “Master of Puppets,” and Eddie flips the CLOSED sign to read OPEN. He glances at the calluses on his hands and smiles sadly, thinking of all the hours he spent learning the chords in his room. After weeks of non-stop practicing—Hetfield’s solo was a bitch—he’d raced down to Gareth’s garage and played all eight minutes straight through. Watched as his friends’ jaws dropped in awe. Gave him a standing ovation. Told him he was a fucking rockstar. 
“You’re a rockstar, all right,” Eddie sarcastically grumbles now, clanging a roll of pennies against the counter before dumping them into the till. “Getting ready to drop your new hit single: Do you want a receipt with that?”
His morning has been nothing short of monotonous: help the customer find what they want, ring them up and make small talk, and then organize (or, in his case, pretend to organize) the store when it’s not busy. 
There’s too much down time for him to be left alone with his thoughts. As soon as he has a moment to himself, he’s ruminating on his regrets of the past. He turns up the music volume in a half-hearted attempt to drown them out, but they manage to worm their way into every nook and cranny of his brain. 
Eight years ago, a twenty-two year old Eddie Munson left his podunk town of Hawkins, Indiana to pursue rock stardom. He’d driven to Chicago with only the pocket change he’d saved up and his guitar on his back. A big city for a man with even bigger dreams. 
It didn’t take him long to realize that being Eddie Munson meant next to nothing in a place that was bursting with musicians desperate for the chance to become famous. He appreciated the anonymity at first; he could blend in without being chased by taunts of Freak or Loser. But after nearly a full year of auditions where he was just another guitarist who could carry a tune, he’d started to lose hope. Prepared to return to Hawkins with his tail between his legs, he’d stopped at the nearby bar for one last drink. 
“We can’t go on without a lead singer and guitarist!”
A frantic voice captured his attention, drawing his gaze from the pint of beer in front of him. 
“Well, Sam bailed. Again,” another man points out, tone heavy with irritation. “So either we go on without him, or we don’t go on at all.”
Eddie finds himself standing up and walking into a conversation where he was never invited. “I, um, play guitar. And sing?” He winces as it comes out like a question. “I can show you, if you want.” What was he doing? He couldn’t line up a gig to save his life, and now he’s offering to play for some band he doesn’t even know?
The two guys, both about his age, exchange a dubious look. “All right,” says one with shaggy dark hair. “Let’s hear what you got, Guitar Boy.” He hands him his own guitar, and Eddie adjusts the strap before diving headfirst into the chorus of the first song that comes to mind:
If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by You're thinkin' like a fool 'cause it's a case of do or die Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had You think I'll let it go you're mad You've got another thing comin'
The other guy cocks his head, a delighted smirk spreading across his face. “Judas Priest. Solid choice.” He paces a bit, twirling a drumstick between his fingers. You got a name, Guitar Boy?” he asks.
Eddie nods. “Eddie Munson.” He sticks out his hand, silently willing it to stop trembling, and shakes theirs.
“I’m Marcus,” the shaggy-haired man says. “This is Bryan. I play backup guitar; he’s on drums. Our bassist should be here soon; his name’s Pete.”
“And Sam was our lead guitarist and singer, but he’s a fucking asshole,” Bryan quips, and Eddie chortles at his brazen attitude. “Anyway, we mostly do covers…check out the setlist and see what you know.” He hands Eddie a crumpled piece of paper, filled with familiar songs and artists.
“I can do any of these,” Eddie says, a satisfied warmth filling his chest as he watches the guys grin even wider.  
“Tell ya what,” Bryan says, plopping behind a drum set plastered with a logo reading Hard Knox. “If you don’t suck tonight, you can play with us permanently.”
“Yeah,” Marcus agrees. “We’re gonna be big, man. We just need someone to help us get there.”
“Let me run back to my place and grab my ax,” Eddie tells them, adrenaline propelling him to his apartment. This was it. This was the break he needed. Just as he was about to give up, God or fate or destiny or whoever was finally giving him a chance to prove himself.
The show went off without a hitch; Eddie’s guitar skills bringing a normally quiet audience to their feet. Bryan clapped him on the back as he looked at Pete and Marcus; the three nodding at each other. “Welcome to Hard Knox!” he announced.
“Sam leaving was the best thing to happen to us,” Pete laughs in agreement. A bartender in a tight skirt and fishnet stockings brings over a round of shots, and the four men clink glasses.
“Fuck Sam!” Eddie shouts before taking the drink. The tequila burns as it coats his throat, but he doesn’t dare reach for the lime. No, he has something to prove.
“Fuck Sam!” the rest of the band echoes enthusiastically. Their choral response reminds Eddie of the way Corroded Coffin used to be before he’d left: when he’d say something, Jeff, Gareth, and Danny would listen. He was born to be a leader.
Things started to fall into place. His one night endeavor with Hard Knox turned into a biweekly gig at the bar, which eventually turned into shows almost every night at various venues across the city. He’d even convinced the guys to play some original work of his, reminding them that cover bands don’t get record deals. 
He had a steady income. A group of friends who appreciated him and his music. Beautiful women who eagerly threw themselves at him at the end of the show. And then it would repeat the following night in a new place. Everything was perfect.
Until it wasn’t.
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Last night’s chaos has you all disheveled; it wasn’t until you got to work this morning that you realized you hadn’t even packed your lunch. You try to convince yourself that you can wait until you get home to eat, but about fifteen minutes before your break, your stomach lets out an embarrassingly loud growl.
“I’m gonna run to the deli and grab something,” you tell Will, throwing your jacket over your shoulders and digging out your car keys. “Want me to pick up anything for you?”
“Uh, Tylenol?” he grimaces, rubbing his temples. The kids had music class today, and the sounds of ten preschoolers singing off-key combined with their clashing tambourines served as a recipe for a pounding headache. “And maybe a bag of sour cream and onion chips?”
“You got it.” You shoot him a thumbs-up as you make your way to the parking lot as quickly as possible, determined to get your food before the lunch rush starts.
You manage to just beat out the crowd of hungry nine-to-fivers, grabbing a veggie wrap to-go. Crunching on a cucumber slice as you take a big bite, you start back towards your car, but the music store next door catches your eye.
A check of your watch confirms that you have a few minutes to peruse, maybe grab a copy of the new Toni Braxton cassette you’d been wanting. If there was ever a day to treat yourself to a little gift, it’s today. Your mind is foggy and your body feels like it’s dragging sandbags as you make your way over. You knew that taking care of an ailing relative would be physically demanding, but you weren’t prepared for the emotional toll it would take. Seeing your grandma helplessly laying on the bathroom floor scared drew all of the oxygen from your lungs, filling your body with worry. And just a few hours later, she was furiously swearing at you, claiming to hate you. She’s an ever-swinging pendulum, and you’re downright exhausted.
A small glob of hummus lands on your lower lip, and your tongue licks it off haphazardly as you push open the door to the music store. The jingle of the bell is meant to alert the employees that a customer has entered, but when you look around, there’s no one there to help you.
You walk towards the aisle labeled R&B, starting by thumbing through the “B” section–nothing. Perplexed, you make your way to the “T” section, still with no luck. Was Toni Braxton so popular amongst Hawkins residents that they’d bought out every copy of Secrets?
“You can’t eat in here,” a terse voice calls out. You’re so startled, you nearly drop your sandwich. A piece of tomato flies out of the tortilla when you jump, hitting the linoleum flooring, and the irritated person sighs. “Aaand this is why.”
You pick up the fallen vegetable and turn around to see Eddie Munson standing before you. “You scared me!” you say, but your body visibly relaxes. Twenty-four hours ago, you never would have guessed that he would have a calming effect on you. How quickly things can change, you muse silently. “Can you help me find the new Toni Braxton? The Secrets cassette?”
Eddie scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Can you follow simple instructions? No. Eating. In. The. Store.” He rolls his eyes. “Just because you teach preschoolers doesn’t mean you get to act like one.”
The smile that briefly danced across your lips slips into a frown. What the hell happened in the few hours since he’d dropped Harris off at school? Did you imagine that you two had gotten along?
“Are you okay?” you ask, brows furrowed in confusion. “I-I can put the wrap in my car, just give me a sec…”
He shakes his head. “No, actually, I’m not okay,” he sneers. “But I bet you knew that already.” He shifts his posture so he’s standing a bit taller. “Y’know, you have some fuckin’ nerve, coming in here after what you did.”
“Did I miss something?” Your voice gets smaller with the gnawing feeling of brewing confrontation acting as a brick on your chest. “I thought–”
“Tell me what you thought,” he interrupts, leaning on a box of tapes. “Wait, no; let me guess. You thought that because I rejected you, you could go around blabbing my personal business around the school.” He scrunches up his face, biting his lip as he looks at you. “Did I get it right?”
“Your personal business?” 
“Mhm,” he answers pointedly, spinning a skull ring around his finger. “Is that not it? Was it because you were embarrassed that I heard your grandma say that she hates you? I don’t blame her, by the way.”
Your force your gaze to remain trained on him, staring into his brown eyes that have hardened with fury. “She doesn’t hate me,” you breathe out, “she just can’t remember me anymore. When she knew who I was, she loved me. A lot.”
“Yeah, whatever you say,” Eddie rolls his eyes. “That doesn’t take away from the fact that everyone and their goddamn dog knows about the CPS report.” 
“What CPS report?” you ask, a sinking feeling settling in your stomach. “Is Harris okay?”
He takes one look at your puzzled expression and barks out a harsh, incredulous laugh. “Seriously? You can drop the innocent act.”
“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about!” you snap, frustrated at his unwillingness to hear you out and your own lack of understanding. “All I know is that this morning, you didn’t hate me–or maybe just hated me a little less–and now you’re back to being the worst human being I’ve ever met.”
Eddie scratches at the shadow of a beard that’s formed on his jawline; an itchy reminder that he didn’t get to shave last night. “You should consider yourself lucky if I’m the worst person you’ve ever met. Tell me, what have I done? Thrown some insults your way?” He claps his palm to his chest exaggeratedly. “How ever did you survive?”
“Mock me and my teaching skills, pretend like you’re going to call when you knew damn well that you weren’t, call me a bitch, and your latest and greatest,” you counter, ticking off the instances on your fingers, “accuse me of something I didn’t do.”
He considers this for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “So you’re trying to tell me,” he starts, gritting his teeth, “that we were in the same wing of the same hospital at the same time, but you weren’t the one who told people about the CPS case they opened on me?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” you hiss. 
“Then how the fuck did Carol Perkins find out about it?!” His volume raises to a roar, and you wince at the sting it leaves echoing in your eardrums. “Because I fucking heard her talking about it with Steve Harrington! So if you, the person who was there, didn’t open your mouth and tell her, who did? The CPS fairy?”
“I don’t fucking know!” you shout, swallowing thickly in a meager attempt to bide time before the tears inevitably leak from your eyes. “I don’t know, but it wasn’t me.”
Eddie rakes a hand through his frizzy curls, smacking the other on top of the nearby box. “Just…just get out,” he mutters. “I can’t listen to any more of your bullshit.” He starts back towards a door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY before turning back around, eyes narrowed. 
“Y’know, I wouldn’t have hooked up with you that night if I knew that this is how you handle a one-night stand,” he says, pursing his lips as he steps closer to you. “And I never should’ve let Harris step foot in your classroom. I would drive him to a school in goddamn Timbuktu if it meant having you out of my life.” He pauses, scraping his teeth across his lower lip and exhaling a terse laugh. “It’s too bad I can’t forget about you like your grandma did.”
The words knock the wind out of your lungs. Your knees buckle slightly, and you have to steady yourself on the closest shelf. Tears blur your vision as your legs carry you out of the store; you feel yourself walking, but it’s like an external force has control of your body. The words fuck you sit on the tip of your tongue, or maybe you say them—it’s too hazy to tell. The world is covered in a shiny layer of cellophane; you can see everything, but you can’t touch. 
You’re crying too hard to drive, so you sit behind the wheel, seatbelt clicked in place, letting out sobs that leave your whole body shuddering. It’s all too much, and though you logically know that Grandma didn’t want to forget you, his comment hit a raw nerve.
It wasn’t a straight path; Alzheimer’s never is. A few months ago, she could remember you in the morning but forgot you by the afternoon. She would call you by name at 9 AM but ask who you were at 2 PM. One day you were her granddaughter; the next, you were a total stranger. You thought it couldn’t hurt more than it already did, but the repeated reminders that she no longer recognizes you at all is a constant knife through the heart.
You’ll be late if you don’t start driving back to work now, so you turn the key in the ignition and adjust the gear shift to reverse. As you look up to glance in the rearview mirror, you catch sight of him. He’s dumbfounded, and you could laugh at how ridiculous it is that it took him seeing you bawling in your car to realize that he went too far this time.
Unable to stomach the thought of further confrontation, you take a deep breath and drive away, leaving him to mull over what just happened.
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He’d assumed you’d left already when he’d walked outside for a smoke break, placing a cigarette between trembling fingers before he’d even left the store. He almost drops the lighter on his scuffed sneaker when he sees you hunched over, resting your arms on the wheel as your body heaves. He’s not sure how long he’s been staring when you lift your head, exposing tear-streaked cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. Your gazes lock for just a millisecond, but it tells him everything he needs to know. 
It wasn’t you.
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When Eddie arrives at the school for pick-up, he scours the crowd of impatient parents for Carol. He finds her talking with another mom; no doubt spreading more gossip about him. Maybe he shouldn’t have pretended that their Satanic cult rumors didn’t bother him when they were back in high school. Maybe if they knew, they would understand that he’s just a goddamn person trying his best, just like everyone else.
“Hey,” he starts, pushing the fear from his voice and willing his strength to remain unwavering. “Who told you about the CPS stuff?”
Carol plasters an obviously fake smile on her face as she responds. “I don’t know what you mean,” she says simply. Her carefree tone pushes Eddie to his limit. 
“Cut the bullshit,” Eddie growls, quickly losing his temper. “I heard you talking to Steve Harrington about it. So either you tell me now, or I’ll make sure your husband knows about that guy I saw you with at the Hideout a couple of months ago.”
Her face blanches, color draining from her cheeks. “It was Jason Carver,” she mumbles, biting her thumbnail. “His wife, Chrissy, is a nurse at the hospital and saw the report. She told him, and he’s been telling, well, everyone else.”
Eddie swears that steam is billowing out of his ears. Everything is coated in a red haze, and he finds himself unconsciously clenching and unclenching his fists. “Where is that sonofabitch? I’m gonna punch him in his smug little–”
“Mr. Munson?” you cut through his rant. His head snaps in your direction. You’ve fixed your makeup; if Eddie hadn’t seen you crying earlier, he would’ve been none the wiser. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”
“Y-Yeah,” he stammers, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet. “Actually, I needed to tell you someth–”
“I think you’ve said enough today,” you say, voice calm but firm. “I just wanted to give this to you before Harris comes out.” You hand him a pink piece of paper. “It’s a transfer slip. Starting next week, Harris will be in Ms. Marion’s class. I didn’t tell him anything about it, so you can say whatever you want. I don’t care anymore.” That’s not quite true; the idea of Eddie feeding Harris lies about you makes your stomach curdle, but there’s only so much you can control. 
Eddie’s, usually quick with a retort, is uncharacteristically quiet. “I, um, I thought…the secretary told me that all of the classes were full.” It’s a cop-out, but he can’t push himself to tell you what he knows now. Not when you’re already bruised. 
“They made an exception because I was the one who requested it this time,” you explain, clenching your jaw. “Looks like you got your wish. You can forget about me now.”
He takes the paper and shoves it in his back pocket. The confession is on the tip of his tongue, an apology not far behind. Say it, he berates himself. Just fucking say it. You might be able to fix this if you just—
“I’ll go get Harris,” you tell him, breaking into his thoughts. “Good-bye, Mr. Munson.”
--
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autisticsupervillain · 9 months
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Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread
The Eye
Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher
You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING
"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"
I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.
"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."
I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.
The Web
I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.
I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.
If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.
I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.
"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood
The Stranger
I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.
If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.
Theater Kid
How do you Normal Human?
The Anatomy Class.
Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.
Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.
Being subtly off is too subtle for me.
The Lonely
"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."
Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.
Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.
Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.
The fog is your friend.
The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.
The Dark
Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.
Night Owl.
Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.
Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.
The dawn is your enemy.
The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.
Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.
The Spiral
Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.
Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?
Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.
Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.
I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.
Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.
What Is Time?
What Is Me?
The Gender
Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?
The Flesh
Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.
Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.
Will never try any other foods. Too picky.
Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.
Hates PETA.
Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?
Working out is a great stim.
The Corruption
Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.
"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"
Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.
According to all known laws of aviation-
Relationship boundaries struggles.
Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.
Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*
Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.
Forgot vital hygiene needs.
The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!
The Buried
Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.
Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.
101 facts about worms.
Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.
Digging a hole is good stimming.
That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?
The End
Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com
That's it, that's the list.
The Desolation
The Autism Temper.
Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.
The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.
Just watching candles melt for hours.
The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.
Jude Perry.png
The Vast
Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.
The stimulus of falling.
Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.
Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.
Weirdly enough... power scaling?
Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.
Brain empty, only terminal velocity.
The Hunt
Cat Autism
The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.
Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.
I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.
Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.
That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.
It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.
The Slaughter
The incredible human WW1 documentary.
"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*
Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.
The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)
The Extinction
The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.
It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.
You Will Make Them Care.
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idkwhatimd0ingatall · 3 months
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Will Story Event Translation (forgot the name)
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// - is an alternate translation T/N: ignore my changing translation style, trying different things out to see what works. Also these translations aren’t accurate so the official translation will most likely be different T/N: Gave up on trying to fix the images
"I want you to kiss me."
The moment I entered the room and pleaded with Will, he gave me exactly what I desired.
After sitting on the bed together, Will traced my palate with his gentle tongue, and my body trembled with joy.
However,
William: ...
Suddenly, Will stopped kissing, and my body, left hanging, throbbed with a sense of longing.
Kate: Will?
William: For someone who pleaded for a kiss with such intensity, you seem distracted, Kate.
Kate: N-no, it's just...
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William: Can't focus on kissing me, got some other 'business' on your mind?
Kate: No, it's not that! There's no other business... but...
I hesitated to tell him about the unfortunate incident.
(...Oh, but sooner or later, Will will find out.)
(Given Will's nature, he might already know... maybe he's deliberately asking to hear it from my mouth.)
Above all, because I want to face Will with a free and unburdened heart, I decided to confess today's events.
Kate: Actually...
William: ...'Kissed by a stranger'?
Kate: Yes, on my way back from today's mission, I was confronted... unable to escape it, just once.
The man I encountered on the roadside seemed drunk, persistently bothering me.
No matter how clearly I rejected him, he forcibly took my hand and brought his lips close.
Kate: Harrison and Liam, who came later, managed to drive him away, so there were no further consequences.
Kate: But... I can't forgive myself for allowing anyone other than Will to touch me.
I washed my hands repeatedly when I got home, to the point where my skin felt irritated.
Yet, the disgust from being touched couldn't be completely washed away, tormenting me.
Kate: ...I want to dedicate my life to Will as his servant.
Kate: My body and heart exist for Will alone, and I don't want to surrender them to anyone else. But... I allowed a kiss, and I regret it.
Feeling frustrated with myself, my fingertips trembled as I tightly clenched my fist on my knee.
William: Did you plead for a kiss to forget?
Kate: Yes... I'm sorry. I made you deal with my own issues.
William: No need to apologize. The one at fault is the man who forced himself on you, isn't it?
Will took my hand firmly and laid a kiss on the palm.
(...I heard somewhere that a kiss on the palm is a plea.)
Not something taken by force, but a kiss filled with respect, like showing that I have value worth pleading for. It warmed my heart.
(Even without using the cursed ability, Will's words have a mysterious power.)
(The inability to resist, the discomfort from being touched, all slowly melted away...)
The man who forcibly approached me is the only one at fault, and I finally forgave myself.
Kate: ...Thank you, Will.
William: Just stating the obvious. Now, there's nothing to cloud your mind, right?
Kate: ...Can I ask for a little selfishness?
Kate: I want you to kiss me. Many times, enough to make today's events fade away.
In truth, my heart is already healed with the words Will gave me.
I won't even notice if that man passes by me in the city; Will must understand my inner thoughts.
(So this is just... an invitation, a line used just to kiss my lover.)
William: If you wish, as much as you want.
With a seductive smile, Will embraced me from behind.
Kate: Will...?
In this position, isn’t it difficult for our lips to meet?
I tried to turn around, calling his name in confusion, but
William: Stay like this.
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I was restrained, and a kiss was dropped behind my ear.
Will's tongue crawled along the curve, making a wet sound.
Kate: ...Ah, n-no.
William: Kate... don't suppress your voice.
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William: After hearing it so many times, there's nothing embarrassing about it now, is there?
Kate: But... to feel so much from just the ear... isn't it strange?
Just being embraced from behind and kissed on the ear, warmth accumulated inside my body.
William: It's not strange. Kate, it's cute how you react so honestly to your feelings.
Will lightly nibbled on my ear, and his tongue slid into my ear canal.
William: Mmm... haah...
Kate: Mm... ah... haah...
Trying to endure the sweet throbbing, I hugged the cushion tightly against my knees.
William: ...Should have changed the position.
Kate: Eh...?
William: If our bodies were facing the other way, you would have clung to me, right?
Kate: Hehe... it's like you're jealous of the cushion.
William: I can get jealous. I can't catch you as softly as a cushion.
// I get jealous too. Softly catching you like a feather is something my body can't do.
As Will joked, I couldn't help but laugh.
(Normally, if someone is jealous, it would be of a person, not a cushion, right?)
(I can't imagine Will being jealous, but that's okay.)
Will's jealousy will probably remain forever unexplored, and that's fine.
As long as we understand that we love each other more than anyone else, there's no need for jealousy.
Releasing the cushion that became the target of jealousy, I faced Will directly.
William: Do you know this saying?
William: A kiss on the hand is a kiss of respect. On the forehead, a kiss of friendship. On the cheek, a kiss of satisfaction.
William: On the lips, a kiss of love. On closed eyes, a kiss of admiration/yearning. On the palm, a kiss of pleading.
William: On the arm and neck, a kiss of desire... any other kiss is considered 'madness,' according to the whims of the poet.
Kate: I heard this in a play once. It was titled 'Kiss,' wasn't it?
Will nodded and pulled me close again.
William: When I remembered this poem, I thought of choosing one and giving it to you, Kate... but I decided against it.
William: Narrowing down my feelings for you to just one is more challenging than any mission.
Kate: ...In that case, give me all of them.
William: Of course. That's the plan.
William: Whether you're ready to accept all those emotions... there's no need to ask.
As if engraving all the emotions into me, Will continued to kiss me following the poem.
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Liam: Mission complete! ...Although, we probably didn't need to come. Will pretty much took care of everything.
Harrison: The illegal organization has been completely wiped out. Whether the headcount matches or not, let's count the bodies.
Liam: Okay! 1, 2, 3, 4... 4?
Liam: ...Huh? Hey, Harry, doesn't this guy look familiar from somewhere?
Harrison: Even if you say he looks familiar... His face is all messed up, isn't it impossible to identify him?
Liam: Hmm... this build, the shape of the head, that plain-patterned shirt... I feel like I've seen him somewhere, though...
Liam: ...Ah, got it! This is the guy who was pestering Kate not too long ago!
Liam: You know, grabbed her hand forcibly, made a loud smooching sound, kissed her forcefully!
Harrison: Oh yeah, I remember now. That guy...
Liam: Will, you didn't say anything when you saw the target's information. But did you know about him?
Harrison: Knowing Will, he probably planned this method of killing, right?
The man had used a knife to cut off his own lips, leaving a gruesome sight.
Liam: Kate, you're loved.
Harrison: To speak of love in this situation... not the best sight, I think...
FIN~
234 notes · View notes
lolishdes · 10 months
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❝Serendipity❞ || Diluc x Reader
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✧A/N: Guys I wanted to write about older Reader and older Diluc, can you even blame me? Also, think of this as a palate cleanser after my previous work hehe
Sorry this took a while, the week has been busy and I had to put so much thought for this fic, wanted this to be great for you guys!
✧Warning/s: Smut
✧Synopsis: One night stands were supposed to only last for one night, that's why they're called that! But how is it you find yourself in a tricky situation as you find out that your one night stand happens to be your business partner too! 
✧Word Count: 5.4k words
Minors kindly don't interact!
Oh how you wish the ground would just swallow you whole at this very moment.
There are things you expected for this day to go, that your time in Mondstadt would be a fruitful one or perhaps it would be an utter disappointment. However none of those expectations included seeing the man who just had a one night stand right in front of you and is about to make a business partnership with you! 
“It's a pleasure to see you, Miss Y/N."
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For most of your life as an adult you've spent your time focusing on your business. It was something you were determined to succeed in. Especially being born in the desert, there was only so much opportunity for you out there. So you worked hard for it all,  but such passions have their own sacrifices and setbacks. You have secured yourself financially and you do uphold good relationships with friends and family. However such good relationships are unsuccessful when it comes to your dating life. 
Back then you were dead set in solidifying your business, long hours in the office and sleepless nights. And this not only affected you but also the person you were dating, they said that there seems to be no place for them in your life. So time and time again, lover after lover, they all eventually left. 
After some time you realized that romantic relationships are simply not for you. You suppose it's for the best, this way no one gets hurt but yourself as you sink into that lonely feeling. 
Now that you're in your 40s there have been less people trying to approach you with romantic intent. Maybe it's because society has labeled you as some sort of ‘old hag’, someone who has already reached their ‘expiration date’ or something offensive like that. But that doesn't bother you that much, as you mature you realize that it's best to just enjoy the moment, to have fun one night stands with attractive strangers– so that for at least one night you'll feel the arms of another. 
Currently you are celebrating in Lambad’s Tavern with a few friends as you have just recently successfully launched a new branch in Inazuma City. Quite proud that your spice business has been growing especially fast– and soon it would reach Mondstadt’s lands since you also bagged yourself a potential business partner!
“A toast to our amazing friend, Y/N!” The clinking of glass and loud ‘Cheers’ Can be heard all around the table. You felt shy by their enthusiasm, it was so sweet that they're doing this for you. Kaveh takes a sip of his wine before speaking to you. “Honestly Y/n you're on a roll right now.” You laugh at that. “What's that supposed to mean?” “Oh come on! It's not easy to pull off a place there in Inazuma. They are way too strict with their transactions! And here you are settling one of your branches in Inazuma City no less.”
You playfully rolled your eyes. “You're making it sound like it was easy for me, I can assure you it wasn't. It was kind of a nightmare actually.” you sigh just thinking back at the months you've spent there in Inazuma, getting papers approved and other transactions necessary before you were given the go sign to start building the branch. 
Dehya took a swing of her drink and had a teasing smile on her face. “As if it wasn't obvious already, I will never forget that day you returned to Sumeru with the most god awful eye bags and ran into a pole on your way haha!” Deyha laughed out loud and you could only groan at the memory.
As if the fatigue from work wasn't enough already, the ride home was so rocky with the most atrocious weather to boot that it had your head spinning. Dehya was the first one to meet you once you docked at Port Ormos, she waved a hand at you when she saw your board down the ship. As you waved back at her you excitedly ran to her, you seemed to miss the light pole right in front of you. Dehya will never let you forget that day. 
“Yeah yeah whatever! Gods are you annoying.” Dehya lets out another laugh. After Nilou took a bite of her Samosa she looked at you with slight concern. “But about your health, I hope you did get the proper sleep you needed once you got home” You gave her a reassuring smile. “Of course I did, and anyways It wasn't a total nightmare there in Inazuma. After getting the go sign we went straight to building. There weren't any big problems along the way. Maybe because of a certain architect and his genius consultations and design.” You wink towards Kaveh’s direction. He left out a ‘pfft’ in disbelief by the compliment.
“Uh excuse me, the conversation was not about me, why don't we go back to running into poles or whatever.” Kaveh waved his hand in a dismissive way while taking a sip of his wine. A series of laughs follows and you just sit their mouth open and a hand to your chest, as if wounded by his diversion back to the embarrassing memory. 
By the corner of the tavern a certain gentleman had his eyes on you, his eyes glued to your direction even as the blue haired man in front of him kept yapping about how exquisite the wine was. “ It seems that you've mellowed down, Diluc.” Kaeya teases his brother as Diluc shifts his gaze away from you. “And what is that supposed to mean exactly?”
Kaeya grins towards his brother. “Oh nothing, it's just that you've never openly expressed such interest towards other ladies before. Look at you now, enchanted by her like a moth to a flame~” Kaeya turns behind him and stares at you. You continue to laugh with your friends, never noticing the two gentlemen. 
“Why don't you speak to the lovely lady when you have the chance, yeah? After all, we will be off to Mondstadt by tomorrow evening.”
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By the end of the night you all had your fill of wine and food. As per usual Kaveh drank way past his limit, he even started mumbling gibberish while he walked as if he had two left feet. Nilou and Dehya insisted on being in charge of taking Kaveh back home, saying something in the lines of it was their duty at this point to drag him back to Al Haitham. As you waved goodbye to your friends, with Kaveh in the middle and his hands on both Dehya and Nilou’s shoulders, he lifted his head up and said his goodbye to you, his words slurred. 
You giggled at the sight and watched as they slowly walked away farther from you and the tavern. Once they were completely gone you sighed in contentment and turned behind you where the scenery of the forest was. It was already late at night so the streets weren't full of people anymore, but that's good since all you want right now is to bask in the ambiance. Shops were already closing up, boats docked as they sway lighty to the wind, and the stars seem to shine brighter than usual. 
Back when you were younger you would have never imagined seeing such a beautiful sight, thinking that only the familiar sight of sand would greet you everyday of your life. By the distance you see a couple walking together by the dock, they seem helpless in love, as if too busy in their own worlds to bother with anything else. A twinge of envy rises within you, but you try your best to push it away. After all, who would want that? Haven't you learned your lesson already, that kind of relationship just isn't for you…
“It really is beautiful here, isn't it?” 
Tall, dark, and handsome was not what you expected when you turned your head. The man has the most gorgeous pair of eyes, his tied up hair cascading elegantly down his back, a stubble adorned his face, while his posture held confidence. He looked like he was around your age. His eyes never left the scenery even when you looked at him, you simply smiled politely as you gazed back at the scenery. “Yeah it really is, I love Sumeru especially at this hour.” The wind was slowly picking up, making your hair sway with the wind.
The gentleman turns to you with a pleasant smile, he reaches out his gloved hand towards you. “Diluc, and you are?” ‘Diluc’? Huh, familiarity rings at the name. You reached your hand out as well and shook hands with Diluc. “Y/N, a pleasure to know you're at least not impolite.” You jest at him, he chuckles in response. “Well, I do hope I maintain a good impression.” “Oh? And why is that?” “Well…” He trails off his sentence and brings your hand close to his lips, he gives your hand a light kiss. His red eyes shifted towards you. “Let's say I simply want to enchant this one lady that has caught my eye.” 
Heat starts to slowly creep into your cheeks while a tingling sensation can be felt all throughout your hand, the hand that Diluc so delicately kissed. 
Just then a couple started running past both of you and you immediately removed yourselves from another. You looked away from one another in embarrassment and behind both of you heard the couple passing by. “Come on! The theater is at its high right now, we can't miss it!” “Haha right behind you dear!” as their footsteps and voices faded farther Diluc and you just stood there in silence, a little embarrassed and unsure. 
Just then an idea and just a bit of courage emerged within you. “Say, would you mind accompanying me to Zubayr Theater?” You were a bit hesitant to ask him, but for some reason there was just something pushing you to spend a little more time with Diluc. The red head seems to light this idea and his eyes shine a little. He offers his arm to you, to hook your arm with his. “Shall we?” You are more than happy to take the offer as you wrap your arm with his, the familiar warmth coming back to you again. 
As you both entered Zubayr Theater, you were greeted with colorful lights and laughter all around. Children and elderly alike were dancing and feasting on delicacies. And by the huge stage was a band that was playing all sorts of instruments while they maintained a lively beat that people can dance to. You begin to have a rush of excitement and unbeknownst to you, Diluc can see your eyes sparkling in elation. He directed his hand to the center where the people were dancing. “Would you care for a dance?” You looked at him. “You know Sumeru dances?” “Well, it's only due to a certain dancer that I learned how to conduct these dances. So, shall we?” Without hesitation you nodded enthusiastically and pulled Diluc to dance. 
And he stays true to his word, he dances to the beat of the music and syncs with you perfectly. As he twirls you around you can't help but be a little more charmed by this man, your hands were on one another for many hours as you both laughed heartily. This feeling of excitement and joy towards an individual was one you haven't felt in a while...it felt so foreign, yet not unwelcomed. Usually you'd spend your time like this towards someone you considered as your lover, and yet here you are treating this complete stranger with your guard down. 
After some dancing you enjoyed some snacks at nearby stalls, while eating you both converse a little more, telling some stories any of you may have. You found out that Diluc is from Mondstadt and back in his younger days he used to be in the Knights of Favonious as a Cavalry Captain. And you on the other hand told tales of your childhood back in the desert and some trials you have faced. While speaking you didn't notice the way Diluc would look and listen to you attentively, making sure that while you speak he has his full attention on you. 
There were even stalls nearby with fun games, Diluc was exceptionally good when it came to darts, he was able to hit the target successfully and gave you the prize which is a cute Aranara plushie.
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At some point you found yourselves back at the docks of Sumeru City. Both of you sat on the wooden planks while you removed your shoes, dunking your feet in the water. Only the sounds of buzzing from insects can be heard as you and Diluc bask in the comforting silence and the presence of one another. There were smiles on both of your faces, you were playing with the water beneath you, lightly splashing the water around. 
Diluc looked at you tenderly, he thought you looked absolutely beautiful at this moment. The way the wind catches your hair, the lovely smile you wore, and how the moonlight seems to accentuate your features. He is completely captivated by you. It was only you and him at that moment, hearts pounding within in anticipation. 
“About what you said a while ago…” You start as Diluc looks at you. “Which part? I believe I said too many things during our time together.” He chuckles. “About being interested in me, I don't think you should waste anymore energy on me.” “And who said anything about this being a waste of energy?” He was quick to reply back but you only looked down at your hands. You smiled bitterly. “I’m sure there are many beautiful young ladies out there worth your while.” “Well I have the perfect candidate right here.” “I’m not young, Diluc.”��
“But you are beautiful.” 
Words seem to be stuck in your throat after he said that. It was unfair that he was saying all this, making you feel happy and special and for what? The night will only end in one way and after that you'll forget the other even existed. That's how it's always been. But unlike the others they never gave so much of their time to you, to actually get to know more about you…
“And I don't mean beautiful as in your looks only, but also your laugh…” He trails off, his hand inching closer to yours. “...your smile, and most importantly your utmost determination towards a better life despite the odds being against you. I really respect that about you.” He was only an inch away from touching your finger tips when suddenly the wind picked up. 
The night was already cold but the wind made it even colder, you start to rub your shoulders to ease the chilly air. Diluc sees this and starts taking his thick coat off. “Ah, there's no need—” “Please, take it.” You were a bit reluctant but nodded anyways, Diluc proceeded to drape his coat around your shoulder. You held the coat closer to your body, not only do you feel warmer now but the strong scent of the gentleman enters your senses. It felt somewhat comforting for some reason, you can smell hints of oak and vanilla. 
You looked at Diluc and was about to thank him, however words left your mouth when you saw Diluc was already looking right at you. Your faces were practically inches away from one another, noses almost touching. You could feel your heartbeat start to quicken from the anticipation. Diluc observes your face a little more, checking to see if this was okay for you, if in any way there was a reason that he should be falling back right now and apologize– but no, there wasn't. You seem to want him just as much as he wants you. 
Slowly he inches closer to you, the tips of your lips practically feeling the heat already. And as he closes the distance between you two, you finally share a tender kiss. You both close your eyes basking in the warmth of the other's lips. His left hand found itself cupping your cheek, deepening the kiss a little more. Your heart leaps in joy and even though you already had a coat on, you could practically feel the goosebumps all over your body. 
As you both pulled away you were left breathless, you rested your head on his shoulder to catch your breath. You both giggle at this, probably from embarrassment, but mostly due to the butterflies forming in your stomachs. Diluc looks at you softly, but a hint of nervousness was present. 
“Say, would…would you mind accompanying me a little longer tonight?”
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The way to Diluc’s room was a bit of a blur, all you remember was how fast you two were walking while his hand was on yours. While walking your hearts kept pounding, the anticipation was tortuous but eventually you both arrived inside. Usually you weren't this…nervous? When it comes to having sex with someone, usually it's all hot and heavy and clothes are dropped in a snap. But this time you were slow as you walked in and shook your shoes off.
Diluc was just behind you as he closed the door. Inside the room most of the lights were turned off, only the dimmed lights of some laps were providing you with light. But that only adds to the atmosphere. You were about to take the coat off your shoulders but Diluc got his hands on it first. Neither of you spoke, but there was no need for that really considering that the heavy tension did all the talking. 
He took the coat off and dropped it on the floor, his hands slowly roam down to your hips, taking in every beautiful curve of your body. While his lips found themselves on your neck, kissing and teasing them oh so gently. It was a little agonizing with the pacing that he had chosen, you were getting hotter by the second.  “Diluc what–” “Shh let me take care of you, please?” His voice was low yet tender, you could only nod and let him do what he wanted. 
After he is done teasing he leads you to the bedroom, gently dragging you to the soft sheets of the bed. He entered the room first and sat on the bed, his legs spread a little wider while you stood up and looked down at him. He smiles and pats his thighs, asking for you to take a seat. “Come here, darling.” You compiled and sat on him while facing him.
Despite the lack of light, the moonlight creeping through the curtains does well to highlight Diluc’s features. He had a few wrinkles under his eyes, showing his age. Your hands land on Diluc’s face to swipe away some strands of hair away from his face, while you're doing this Diluc just observes you, enjoying the fact that you're taking in every detail of his face. 
“Hmm is there something you're trying to find on my face?” He chuckles when you slowly back off from his face. “It's just that… you're really attractive.” You start removing your top, unbuttoning the buttons before dropping it on the floor, leaving you only with your bra. “You think so? I can say the same thing about you, especially…” He grabs a hold of your thighs and puts you down on the bed. “When youre right here in my arms~” Diluc smirks above you and adjusts your legs, keeping them at each side of his hips.
You grind yourself on him, you can feel some hardness down there. Diluc lets out a groan and proceeds to kiss down to your almost bare chest. He unclasps your bra to suckle on your nipples, he teases one of them with his lips while the other is being pinched and rubbed. You pant as a response and grab onto his hair, this made Diluc groan, he seems to enjoy his hair being touched. 
He then travels down your body, the tip of his nose slides lower while you can feel his hot breath on your skin. He stops just above your hips, you were about to unzip your shorts, however Diluc stops you before you could sit up.
“I insist.” He says in a deep voice as he bites the zipper between his teeth and zips it down, he then completely removes your shorts off you to reveal your panties. Without a care he discards it on the floor before diving in to press his nose on your puffy pussy lips. He can feel your wetness even through the thin fabric. You can feel his hot breath and the stimulation of his nose, you whine out. “Luc, stop teasing.” He hums at your complaint, the vibrations of his voice stimulating you more. He hooks your panties and removes them to expose your pretty pussy.
It wasn't quite wet yet and Diluc is still left unsatisfied. But that's alright, he simply dived down and started eating you out like a starved man. At first he starts licking you, making sure to tease and prod every part that his tongue can reach, then after that he begins to suck on your clit, earning a whine out of you. His hands grip both your thighs, making sure that they spread wide since you end up unconsciously closing your legs.
Your moans and whines are delicious, your hands are on his hair and fisting him, holding on for dear support from the delirious pleasure. Just seeing the way you feel good makes his cock hard, yet despite the unattended hard on between his legs he does not touch himself just yet. How could he? He's way too busy pleasuring you to even think of himself. He needs to see and hear more of you.
The pleasure only increases from there when you feel a finger enter you. “Oh archons Diluc!” Your back arched a bit from the sudden intrusion. Diluc kept going with both his mouth and fingers teasing your cunny. If that wasn't already enough You could hear Diluc groaning and moaning from below, he seems to be hot and bothered just like you. "That's enough Luc, come here, please…” And who was he to deny you really? 
He starts removing his own clothes, when he was left with only his boxers you could see the form of his cock. He starts pumping himself but then you sit up. “Wait, let me.” Diluc looks at you but compiles anyways, he removes his hand from his cock. You start spitting and licking your hand, making sure to put as much saliva as you can and start stroking him, as you do this Diluc’s breath hitches. With your free hand you cup it on his cheek and share a kiss with him, you could hear him softly moaning and groaning. 
With you stroking his cock and your luscious lips devouring him he can't help but feel oh so hot and bothered. He even believes that he could cum right here right now if you don't stop any moment from now. He pulls away first and rests his forehead with your, he was panting with his eyes closed. “Okay stop, any more and I just might cum–” He was interrupted when you pushed him down on the bed, with you straddling above him. Your hand travels down his beautiful body, your nails dragging down on his skin.
“Let me return the favor, yeah?”
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Usually after such a passionate night you would immediately leave early in the morning, to forget their faces and move on with life…However this time it's different, you can't help but look back at that one special night with Diluc. The sex was amazing of course, but was it wrong to have felt that it was more than just sex? Your head gets all scrambled up just thinking about the situation too much. It's been two weeks since then, you won't see him face any longer thus such an individual is out of your life. All that matters now is to meet and hopefully score a partnership with this wine tycoon from Mondstadt. 
“It's a pleasure to see you, Miss Y/N.” The redhead said before you, his eyes were cold and his form was towering over you. Beside you was the Cavalry Captain, the one that told you all about this partnership. “I’m so happy that you could come, Miss Y/N. This is the renowned Diluc Ragnvindr, owner of the Dawn Winery. He has anticipated your arrival!” 
You pray to any god out there that hears you to save you from this dreadful situation. You hesitantly reach out your hand towards Diluc, nervousness was evident on your face. “Mr. Ragnvindr a pleasure to meet you as well.” Diluc's eye didn’t leave you even as he shook hands with you. And although you want the ground to just swallow you whole right now, there's a sense of…happiness? Lighting up within you as felt Diluc’s touch. 
“Now, since the introductions are finished, my job here is done. I have more work to do back at headquarters, may the wind lead you to a prosperous partnership.” Oh gods no, please Kaeya stay! As the man walks away from you two, you're left alone with the Wine Tycoon. You swallowed the small bit of dread within you and acted accordingly, to pretend as if you've never met before, yeah! You're sure Diluc would do the same.
“Well then Mr. Ragnvindr shall we go straight to business?” “Ah yes of course, Miss Y/N. Kindly follow me.” Relief washes over you, this day should go smoothly. Just then Diluc offers you his arm. “Why don't we walk through these Grape Vines as we discuss, yes?” You looked down at his arm. “I would love that, however I can't possibly–” Suddenly he comes closer to your ear, the invisible barrier you had gone. He whispers “I insist.”
A chill runs down your spine. The memories of him between your legs flashes in your mind and your cheeks burn in embarrassment. You hesitate as you hook your arm with his, slowly you two walk along the beautifully grown grape vines. 
The fruits were lucious and some even ready for harvesting already, you look at your surroundings in amazement. For a brief moment you were distracted, Diluc was too as he watched your reaction. “Wow, I've never seen grape vines like these, they never looked so healthy and succulent!” Your hand touches a couple of grapes, inspecting its quality.
“Dawn Winery provides only the best quality for its customers.” Diluc responds right away, he too inspects the grapes around him, proud that he has amazed you, and to at least ease off your nervousness away. The last thing he wants is that look of uncomfortableness on your face  and to have your eye practically screaming for help. 
“Why?”
Both of you come to an abrupt stop. His eyes were looking at yours, a look of frustration and hurt mixed in his eyes. “Diluc I–” “I was worried about you.” You paused and looked down at your feet. Diluc looks at you and sighs. “I apologize, I just…the day you left, you didn't just leave my side but you also left with my heart.” Your heart beats faster hearing that. “I know we never discussed meeting each other in the near future, but I thought my intention towards you was clear. Not only that but how would I have known if you were alright? Did I hurt you anywhere or if you were okay mentally? ”
Your hand forms a fist as you clenched down hard. “You didn't have to worry all that, what we had was a simple one night stand Diluc.” “Was it really just that?” “Yes, it was. We left that room satisfied and that's all that matters.” “That's bullshit and you know it.” “It's not, and anyways why are we talking about this? None of this matters!” 
“Well it does to me!” You avoid his gaze, you can't look at them , you just can't. Because deep down you know that once you look back at his eyes you'll fall right back at this stupid spell he somehow put upon you.
“Look at me please.” When you looked as if you were not budging he steps closer to you, his gloved hand approaches your face as his index finger drags along your cheek tenderly. In a whisper he speaks. “Please look at me, darling.” He sounds so gentle, as if pleading for your attention.
You decide to give in, you can't just not look at him, right? After he asked so nicely too…but at the same time damn him for asking with that soft voice of his. You slowly tilt your head upwards and are met with that gentle smile of his, the same one he gave you before sharing your first kiss under the moonlight. 
“There she is.” You were left breathless as he rested his forehead on yours. Both of you closed your eyes , soaking in each other's presence, after weeks of not seeing each other, desperate for touch. “Gods I miss you so much and you don't know it…” Your heart gets a little wounded hearing that, he sounds so hurt…
“I'm so sorry ‘Luc.” Your hands found themselves on both sides of Diluc’s face, your thumbs rubbed on him in comfort. “I didn't mean to hurt you, truly. I was just unsure and…afraid? I can't quite understand myself, but all I know is that I don't want to be hurt anymore ‘Luc. Heh kind of ironic isn't it?” Diluc furrowed his eyebrows at that. “Well I’m not here to hurt you, please give me a chance…give us a chance.” His hands rest comfortably on your waists, but this just gives more proof on how compatible you two are. It just felt so right that he's here. 
You sigh before you smile back at Diluc and pounce toward him, you land your lips on his happily. This came as a surprise for Diluc, but it was a surprise  most welcome. He sighs from the kiss and wraps his arms on your waists tighter, keeping you as close as he can. 
–––––––––
“You know, I knew we would see each other again.” Diluc said as you both walked while holding hands. “Oh?...Wait, don't tell me you knew me from the start?” “What no! Honestly I didn't anticipate sleeping with a potential supplier and business partner haha!” Diluc laughs softly, the last thing he wanted was a sticky situation, and yet here he is. “Okay so how did you know about me?” “After you left that night, I tried finding you around Sumeru City and I had to find you fast since hours later I would need to leave and head back to Mondstadt.” 
You looked at him, tilting your head. “And? Did you find me..?” “Sadly no, however I did have your name investigated as soon as I settled down here.” You slapped Diluc’s shoulder playfully. “Ew you investigated me? Creep.” You laugh as he looks at you, as if offended. “Well excuse me that I couldn't find you, my mystery girl just suddenly disappeared without a trace after spending the most wonderful night with me!” “Okay you sap, what happened next?” Diluc simply smiles as he continues. 
“I brought it up to Kaeya and that bastard simply grinned, he told me that your business was the perfect candidate he deemed worthy for Dawn Winery. I never anticipated he chose you as Dawn Windery’s supplier, after all there were so many in Sumeru and not only that but Kaeya never revealed to me your name early on, he said to just trust his choices and forced me to drink with him…” 
“Huh a sly one that one is…but perhaps we should thank him?” “Perhaps, but first..” Diluc suddenly picks you up and carries you with both his arms. “We have some unfinished business, why don't we head inside Miss Y/N, hm?” 
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queerism1969 · 2 years
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What are some semi-harsh truths you have for people who are new to transitioning?
I don’t mean sharing depressing statistics that they’re likely already aware of. I mean things that might be difficult to internalize but are important to know for the most stable experience possible.
 Your transition will cause disappointment. Not of yourself, but of people you had hoped were better. Those are ‘them’ problems, not ‘you’ problems. You will most likely have to outgrow people.
Hormones helped with the emotional aspects of depression and anxiety, but you still have all the bad habits and thought patterns that are associated. It takes work to fully heal
Dysphoria does lessen overall but that can make some sources of it feel worse
You don't know what all your dysphorias are, or how strong they are. Dysphoria is a type of pain, and the brain is only able to perceive so much pain at a time. When you clear out the biggest problem, you'll be able to see the next. It may come as a hell of a surprise.
If you require a medical transition, SERIOUSLY DO YOUR RESEARCH ON SURGEONS. While there are some great surgeons out there, there are DEFINITELY bad ones too. There are extremely dangerous "medical providers" who falsely advertise their expertise. THOROUGHLY read the wiki page in /Transgender_Surgeries
There are a whole bunch of places you can't really go to anymore. And I don't just mean Russia or Saudi, I mean many suburbs, rural areas, or any neighborhoods that aren't already quite progressive.
Just because someone's trans doesn't mean they aren't transphobic, get to know people before you come out to them 
You will lose friends, some might be openly against it others might just drift away just be prepared to lose some of your friends not all but some.
Transition is not a cure-all for all your problems, it might help with something like depression and certainly dysphoria. But there are some problems that will still be there
Take lots of pictures even if you feel ugly. You'll want those later just as a boost to see how far you have come. 
For my trans-women friends, it is dangerous to be alone with a man who you don't know, even in public.
Carry pepper spray, carry a firearm, learn how to throw a punch, stay with your group, and never go home with a stranger.
Throwing other trans people under the bus, especially less "acceptable" or "palatable" trans people, in order to make cis people respect you is bullshit.
Do not be afraid to switch therapists and doctors if one doesn't feel right.
Most people don't know shit about being trans or how transitioning works. Get ready for the most disgustingly intrusive questions you can imagine.
Never read the comments. There's no point in getting into battles, I know you want to, but LGBT education is EXHAUSTING, people are hostile for no reason. They are scared of you and hate you because they don't know you. Remember: it doesn't have to be your job to educate people.
Trans people are a really easy target for hate politics because we strongly depend on other people (doctors who prescribe our meds, surgeons, government for name change stuff) and it's very easy to take them away from you. 
Cis people will tell you that you'll "regret transitioning" or that you're making a mistake because they cannot even comprehend something like dysphoria, their greatest fear is having their sex permanently altered, which would be dysphoric for them, and they think everyone else is like that.
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cringengl · 1 year
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When bylers say that byler makes more sense in terms of the narrative, although there's lots of little proofs throughout all the seasons, it's mainly due to byler's correlation with the themes of the show.
Stranger Things is all about outsiders, freaks, losers and nerds. From s1, the main characters have been the ones that are bullied and are called names and the show wants us to root for them, sympathise with them etc. This is why Nancy chooses Jonathan over Steve, why the Starcourt Mall is destroyed at the end of s3 and why Eddie is constantly affirmed as a good guy.
M*leven endgame wouldn't make sense in terms of the storyline because the relationship between Mike and El is seen as the 'normal' thing to do.
In Mike's eyes, he's supposed to be growing up and not playing DnD in the basement with his friends for the rest of his life. In order to grow up, he needs a girlfriend, which is why he is dating her instead of just being friends. Finn Wolfhard literally says that Mike wants to be "normal".
On the other hand, El clearly wants a normal life, shown not only by her letters to Mike and the dream world she creates within them (as it could be argued that she was just doing that to ease Mike's anxieties) but also by the effort she puts into waving to people at school even when they don't wave back, as well as imitating the movies she watches in Hopper's cabin in s2. This is also why she wants to be in a relationship with Mike instead of just friends, she feels like she needs to have a boyfriend to be normal and doesn't see any issue with dating Mike.
However, as Eddie says, "conformity is killing the kids". El is clearly having a miserable time with school in California, despite doing her best to fit in and Mike is just a "shitty knock off"- the stark contrast to his Hellfire outfit and airport outfit is insane in both colour and style.
The Wheeler family as a whole is learning that conforming to the nuclear family stereotype is not good for any of them, meaning that El will find more peace and power in being single (as well as being able to learn more about the world) and Mike will be able to defy heteronormativity by being with Will, meaning that it's not only Nancy who breaks that Wheeler family cycle (the one that Jonathan goes off about in his rant to Nancy in s1).
Therefore, byler endgame makes much more sense as the show is about the outsiders, and going against the mainstream.
(Which byler would be as it's a gay ship in a show set in the 80s that hasn't been spoon fed to the audience from the start to make it more palatable as well as the fact that making byler canon would also be breaking up a straight ship).
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blow-me-a-kis · 1 year
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Piracy in ofmd is actually already a culture departed from cis het neurotypical society and Izzy is actually a representation of that. I think if ppl would stop treating Stede like he's injecting neurodiversity and queerness into piracy, and instead as the beneficiary of that society, they could see it, too.
I just feel like ppl who don't perceive Izzy as autistic don't really have close friendships with a lot of autistic or neurodiverse ppl IRL. That or they are still doing a lot of masking in relationships and expecting others to masks. But some of us can't.
Most ppl who interact with me IRL probably think I'm mean or rude or even stupid. I'm partially non verbal, I can't smile at strangers/on command, I can't laugh at jokes I don't find funny, I get snippy and irritable if I'm overstimulated. If you ask me how I'm doing, know that me asking you back is like pushing a boulder up a hill for me.
When I do speak it may come out slowly or come off as crytic/weird/inappropriate, and also I may say it too loud or too quiet or too late or with an inappropriate inflection or with a facial expression that doesn't match. My most embarrassing trait is that I get shouty when I'm having a meltdown and I cant help it.
On top of all that I'm Black, so ppl read me as aggressive/negative no matter how I present
I also have autistic and neurodiverse friends who are very similar to me. I have friends who are downright grating in personality, real Izzy's, who I take comfort in because I know its okay if they find me grating. They don't care if I take a long time to respond or don't respond at all when asked a question, they don't mind if I get snippy or they'll tell me directly if I hurt their feelings instead of holding it against me.
I am actually at a point in my life where I am reevaluating friendships where masking has been a requirement, where I feel the need to perform to be liked. I just want to be allowed to be boring or in a bad mood or tired or slow and inflexible, or a Bitch, because I am, and being Pleasant is just not accessible to me. I'll be 33 this year, and I'm exhausted of trying to be anything but myself.
Even the ways a lot of folks like Stede leave out his less palatable autistic traits. Like the fact that almost everyone who meets him in canon does not like him and he has to grow on most ppl. He's hard headed, annoying, presumptuous, obnoxious. This is apart of his autism as well, and why piracy suits him, FREES him.
Izzy is right at home as a pirate because of these very things also. He doesn't have to mask as a neurodiverse person or as a queer man.
I think it's safe to say a lot of ppl's classist views on piracy are reflected in their negative/unfair views of Izzy. The idea that pirates should be softer or nicer or more pleasant or even that a failure to take on these values is Toxic Masculinity (taking this phrase from fandom and putting it on a high shelf until you learn that upperclass white cis het neurotypical masculinity is not the norm and white women learn to question their motivation in normalizing the idea of systemic harm they can't participate in) neglects what Oluwande spoke about in episode one, that piracy is a culture built by people who did not have a choice to do anything but survive.
I hope in s2 we will see Stede get a taste of what that struggle is really like and abandon his classist, romantic notions of piracy.
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mugentakeda · 4 months
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there are quite a bit of differences btwn lu ten and iroh as i characterize lu ten but let me highlight some random hcs i have ab lu ten just being irohs boy
-hes a tea snob like his daddy but he doesnt like those fancy blends you need to have a specific palate for (they taste like literally nothing, despite what iroh swears). lu ten likes flavor. hibiscus tea and spiced cinnamon tea are his favorites
-occasionally smokes reefer probably. difference being iroh would smoke for vibes but lu ten would smoke because if he doesnt hes gonna smash his head into concrete until he passes out
-iroh doesnt wear sandals all the time in the show but he has sandals dad energy TO ME. lu ten inherits this gene. when hes not in regalia hes in the palace wearing loose patterned pants and sandals. The birkenstock duo
-appreciates the art of proverbs and understands them (usually) but he cant ever remember how they go so he gives up on trying to spout them on the fly like iroh does
-big pai sho fan like iroh and is really good at it. they like to play pai sho together at any chance they get. they even use pai sho as a way to talk to each other about stuff- kind of like finn and jakes fake haircut talks?? they pretend that theyre both strangers that simply share a kinship over love of pai sho, so it makes the unspoken rule of ‘there are things you dont talk about in the royal palace’ void, because they’re pretending to just be simple pai sho players. unfortunately if those talks take certain turns they cant play their little game anymore but it worked okay when lu ten was younger
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nudevastate · 4 months
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i want to see a massive change in womanhood in 2024.
in 2024, i wanna see some more women finally realizing that no matter how hard we try to people please, no matter how often we try to be conciliable towards others, no matter the amount of hours we put in with trying to take the higher road or how much blood there is in our mouths from biting our tongues when other people-regardless if they are family, friends, partners, or perfect strangers-show us that they don't care about us as people but for what we can do for them as women, no matter how hard we try to be palatable, inoffensive, or a team player when other people outright refuse to extend that same amount of respect or kindness back towards us, that this is the year we can finally let go and throw in the towel. that this is the year we start to accept or reject a person or a group in full, no ifs ands or buts. no more grey areas for us. no more "they're probably just having a bad day" for us. no more "if i show maturity first, they'll have to pay it forward back to me" for us. no more accepting cruelty or the cold shoulder from others when we haven't done anything to warrant it except for having the audacity to exist while female.
no more accepting someone else's character flaws that causes harm towards you when they themselves would kick your ass to the curb if you so much as show the slightest hint of being imperfect yourself. i'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but society as a whole are more than happy to discard you and your humanity for being less than perfect, and they have zero guilt in doing so. you are a woman and for that, you are subhuman in their eyes. it's high time you give the same loving kindness you've been showing to everyone around you to yourself for a change, because when the push comes to shove, you have only you in the end.
not your family. not your parents. not your friends. not your colleagues. not your boss. not your boyfriend. not your husband. not anyone.
you.
this is it! this is the year we finally accept humanity as it is, for accepting people as it is, for the painful realization that perhaps your old friends might not stick around any longer, that new and better faces will appear in your circle who can finally show you what friendship and true healthy love feels like, that even your own immediate family members are just too traumatized and happy to stay stuck in their bitterness to show you how special and amazing you truly are.. and so much more.
let 2024 be the year we break our invisible chains and let freedom be our guide in life.
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mrssoapmactavish · 3 months
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fight or flight
"you know what they say about stress responses, right? fight or flight reaction, and all that?" "knowing you, it's fight, flight, or fuck." "you're not too far off."
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this will be a multi-part fic, all based in the stranger things universe! my writing style may make some of the characters be a bit... off, but i promise you, i'm trying my best for this!
as always, the only thing i claim to own in this planned series of works is the writing itself. i do not own any of the characers!
consider this basically a prologue, an intro for the whole shebang.
hawkins sounded like a bad idea from the get-go. obviously, she never wanted to leave her home in the first place, but she'd reckoned that leaving with her family would make things feel a bit more palatable. if her family didn't consist of her dad, her step-mom, her brother, and maxine, maybe that would've been true.
her and billy only had a year apart between the two of them, meaning that she's always been close to william hargrove, but they couldn't be any different. billy's been masking his anger with their dad with parties, popularity, and endless drinking and smokes. herself? she drowned out the sounds of shouting and anger with heavy drums, intense guitar solos, and gravelly-voiced singers who screech out prose.
in california, they were called 'bonnie and clyde' as siblings. now, though? she wanted nothing to do with him. the only things they have in common, in her opinion, are their last name, and their drive to drown their daddy issues in tail. on the drive to hawkins high this morning, all she wants to do is open the car door and jump out.
max and billy are bickering– at least max got the family temper, it keeps her on the same level as her and billy– and she's just trying to touch-up her mascara in the side mirror, making sure she looks somewhat presentable.
"keepin' your eyes glued to yourself that long, might as well figure out how you can marry yourself," billy snarks over, looking at his sister who merely glares at him. the boy gives a cheeky grin, knowing his sister like the back of his hand, as if he hadn't just parroted what she'd said to him much earlier before leaving the house, when he had been styling his hair properly.
"oh, please, billy boy," she sighs, scrunching her curled hair to maintain the boisterous volume that she had given it. "you would marry yourself, if you could. you'd need a good divorce lawyer, though, with how much you sleep around." she can feel her brother's glare burning holes in the side of her head, but she knows he won't do anything. it's one of the benefits of looking so much like their mom; pour on the honey-sweet tone, dial up the niceities and he'll be unable to do anything but grumble to himself.
billy, in fact, opens his mouth, ready to retort and snap back at his sister, but they pull up to hawkins high before he can even say a single word. it's already a lot, really; she can close her eyes and picture being back in california, walking into school, hearing the airheaded blondes and the sophomore year-peaking boys who think they're nothing less than gods.
as strange as it is, she misses home. misses the bright warmth and the sun, misses the malls and busy streets. anything to get away from the smell of cow shit, empty plains, and the fall chill that she's definitely needing to adjust to.
before she gets out of her brothers car– max has already slammed the car door, huffing and barking back at billy for telling her to come straight to the car afterschool– she puts on a new layer of her bright red lipgloss, the kind that used to have boys melt and bend at the knee, and would occasionally end up smeared on their cheeks and necks, if they were the lucky ones.
slinging her bag over her shoulder, she finally gets out of the car. she can feel all the envious eyes of girls standing against their boyfriends vehicles already looking at her brother like a piece of meat. it irritates her, even if she knows the men are doing the same, and billy no doubt has the same anger bubbling up inside him.
"keep that skirt on and no hands sneaking under it," her brother grumbles, right before giving the ladies his signature grin, the one that she had always referred to as his 'lure' grin. the one he'll give a girl to drag her home, rock her world, then never talk to her again. the one that leaves a trail of broken hearts and dropped panties in its wake.
"keep your pants on and your fly up, then," she snaps back, already making her way forwards and into the school. she can hear all the wolf-whistles and all the endless chatter from the boys about how short that skirt of hers is, how she'll freeze to death if she doesn't 'huddle up' with them, not to mention how many are already talking about how easy it'd be to creep their way closer to her.
sure, sex is great and all, but something about being trivialized as some trophy is... sickening. so, obviously the girl is keeping her wits about her, ignoring all the comments for now, even if each pair of eyes should be ripped form their heads for looking at her so lowly. she knows her own value; she's been called a goddess in bed before, and that was by some half-drunk loser in california, but it rung true. she is that worthy of praise, worship, devotion.
one set of eyes, however, doesn't go down to her skirt and stay on her legs. it doesn't even stray past the leather jacket on her shoulders– her brothers, she admits, but she'd never been one to even acknowledge her brother being able to have things for himself– and she finds it.. oddly satisfying. rewarding, almost, like there's at least one person in hawkins high not ogling her.
it's an entirely new kind of attention, to be quite honest, and she has no idea how to really react to it. whether she's meant to lash out, cry against the world for being oh, so cruel to her angry, warped soul to have someone eye her with something other than envy or pure want– or if she's meant to fawn, to gravitate towards the only person treating her like a human being, and to get herself involved in some hallmark whirlwind highschool romance.
either way, she sees who the gaze is connected to, and she'd be lying if she said she expected the person to be. he's one of the pretty boy types, she deduces; popular, on some kind of school sports team most definitely the captain, the air-headed kind to ignore between classes and pray she'd never be paired with for an assignment.
though, the soft, big, doe-eyes that seem fixated on her are quite the sight, and the strong jaw, defined nose, the smattering of birth and beauty marks across his face seem to give him this uncharacteristically human trait, compared to the very stereotype she's predicted.
she narrows her brows, giving a cold, hardened gaze; she aims to show she's not socialized, so to speak, that the black and red composition of her outfit reeks of femme fatale, a black widow type, engage at your own risk. but there's no such luck, as the fluffy haired tom cruise type makes his way towards her, confident and quick in his gait, even if there's a lack of spcial awareness reeking of a clumsy demure.
"hey there, little lady," the boy hums, gaze staying on her face, almost as if calculating how she's reacting to him, but he quite obviously doesn't know that she's well-versed from the years of torment and anguish at home to keep her emotions to herself, off of her face. "you're new here, so welcome to hawkins high. you need a tour guide, you just look around for steve harrington, i'll show you all around."
so he can't take a hint.
"mm," is all she responds with, very openly and shamelessly eyeing the man up and down, as if sizing him up to intimidate him. the man shifts from one foot to the other, hip cocked and head quirked; he's not picking up on the fact that she's trying to dismiss him.
"saw you with that guy in the camaro and the red-head, you guys look like quite the family," he continues to talk, prying, to see if she'll do more than just vocalize around her. alas, she just rolls her eyes at him, and he still doesn't seem offended, taken aback, or even remotely disinterested. so, she relents.
"i'll find you if i need you, harrington. name fits that crown of yours," she tells him. the way his brows raise is subtle. he's surprised, but not off-put. another comment about the hair, water off a duck's back, it seems. "i'll be fine figuring it out myself for now."
trained to follow subtle hints in body language from years of cowering, blocking out the sounds of her older brother being treated like no better than a dog, she notes the slight drop in his shoulders. not entirely, a momentary defeat for him, but he still holds out hope.
"yeah, alright," he responds, hands removing themselves from his hips, posture straightening, eyes going over her shoulder to look around, looking for his friends no doubt. "i'll be around–" the pause, an expectant gaze.
ah, right. names, such a fickle things, things she would prefer to not share, like pleasantries, pillowtalk, and whatever cheap shit booze she can sneak from her dad.
"you can stick with hargrove for now." she tells him, and god forbid the smile that graces his face. so that's what he is– a classic soft, popular guy. layers of issues, no doubt, but far too many to point out in particular, at least for now.
with a quirk at his lips into a somewhat playful smirk and a flick of the single coif of hair dropping into his face, he decides to push once more for now. "cherry it is, then. cherry hargrove."
a twinge of anger, at least that's what she can place it as. this man has no idea what he's getting into.
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quercus-queer · 2 years
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The main theme of Stranger Things is summed up by Eddie: “Forced conformity, that’s what’s killing kids.” The central characters of Stranger Things are outcasts of society. They’re either poor, queer, black, “soft” men, unapologetic women, weird, crazy, or a mix of these undesirable traits.
The Byers and Nancy embody this explicitly enough for the general audience to understand every season. Jonathon and Will are pretty self explanatory. Joyce is always the social pariah of the town and her dynamic with Police Chief Jim Hopper the “Everyman” is draining at times. It’s draining because Joyce is right and we know she’s right but the rules, the laws, and “common sense” which Hopper is meant to represent, say otherwise. And every season Hopper’s resistance is broken down and he works with Joyce. If he doesn’t work WITH Joyce he nearly dies. If he doesn’t believe her at all, bodies start dropping. You have to go “behind the curtain” and accept the weird to survive or make progress as a general narrative rule, the entire show.
With Nancy, her motivations are justice (which the world is not ready for) and rebelling against the perfectly structured boxes society has put in place. These two go hand in hand, she can’t get justice because people don’t want a disruption to their neatly structured lives. Working around the common people is a nuisance for her. She talks often with Jonathon about how she can’t conform to the lifestyle her parents do (implied racist + homophobic without actually having to say/show it explicitly in the show through the support of Regan and Karen’s Thatcher convo) how the cookie cutter lives with reality shuttered out would kill her.
With Lucas in s4, he is trying to save himself from being othered by conforming in the most palatable way he can without sacrificing his own happiness. Him trying to be “better” isn’t framed as bad thing (which is how the audience seems to be taking it for some reason), it’s framed as a hopeless endeavor because it’s never going to be enough. Even if he’s not being targeted at the moment, people he loves are and regardless of what he does it’ll circle back to him eventually.
Eddie is the “worst of society”. He’s a poor good for nothing loud mouthed idiot, obnoxious, disrespectful to authority, crazy drug dealer, and gay (implied). But he’s idolized by Mike + Dustin and the narrative makes him very human and kind. He’s also the only one that gives any relief to Chrissy who is literally cracking under the pressure of acting normal. No one except Eddie and Max notice or says she’s acting weird, no one except Eddie and the counselor try to help her, and Eddie is the only one to make her feel even the slightest bit better. And the reaction to her cracking from her peers is to blame the crazy person instead of admitting she wasn’t perfect which is framed as a ridiculous and violent cult mentality.
This is all to say that every character we are meant to like is a social reject and have a sense of solidarity with other social pariahs… meaning that none of the central characters or “heroes” of Stranger Things are gonna be purposefully or blatantly homophobic or racist. It is the 80s (minorities still existed btw) but it is also a FICTIONAL show. They dropped the ball using a slur towards indigenous people of the arctic, but before that racism and homophobia were punished by the narrative.
Billy was racist. It’s not up for debate. He was racist, among other things, and he was punished dearly for it. The bullies are punished for being racist and homophobic and then never seen or mentioned again. Is that realistic? Nope, but they’re not important after they’ve been punished. The one character we’re meant to like that has been homophobic was immediately beaten up for it and after development has an arc accepting a queer woman.
Steve went from a perfect stereotypical jock and bully unhappy with his life and relationships, to a happy loser working in a video store with a weird kid and a lesbian for best friends. When he gave up trying to fit a mold, he became a better person and his life became infinitely better and he is consistently told how great it is that he’s changed. We don’t ever see his parents reactions or his old friends after he ditches them because their opinions don’t matter. We only see the praise he’s gotten and the fact he’s happier. Is that realistic? No. But it’s the narrative being made.
You know what is realistic though? A tight knit friend group that grew up being ostracized and bullied, witnessing their friend they’re devoted to being bullied for maybe being gay. Even more realistic is that the gay kid is still loved by those friends regardless of whether the bullies had some truth to their taunts. These kids are genuinely hated by most people and only have each other to depend on, every issue they’ve had they’ve gotten over. They apologize to each other ALL the time and they all have a surprising amount of emotional intelligence (yes even Mike, he’s a dick because of trauma + internalized homophobia and he’s aware he’s being a dick and takes responsibility for it when it’s not jeopardizing what he’s feeling is his safety).
In conclusion, none of the characters are going to be homophobic, sorry to ruin your fantasies. It’s unrealistic, out of character, and goes against the core themes of friendship and unconformity set up in the show.
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yutaleks · 1 month
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Other incest tropes
So I think I’ve touched on this before in this ask and this ask.. like what’s the appeal of the incest trope and each subset of incest trope.
I think to answer specifically why siblings is more palatable than other subsets of incest trope, you probably have to think about what goes into each one. A lot of the incest fics you read are typically short pwp without much context for why this is happening, aside from close proximity/mutual attraction. If you took away the verbiage of “brother/sister” or “niichan/oneesan” etc the fic would read just like any other roomates fic or best friends fic. Like I said it’s easily digestible. Even if you don’t like incest trope, you could probably read the fic, replace the word brother/sister with roommate or friend, and more or less nothing would change. It’s usually not done with nuance. In cases where there is more to the story, there’s usually some sort of trauma happening to either character. And in the positions of siblings, usually the trauma/response do not feature a power dynamic. For example, if you both have abusive parents, then you confide in each other. Gender dynamics aside, you both share the abusive experience. Or, if one person is going thru a traumatic event, the other sibling comes from a place of equity (you were both born by the same parents into the same circumstances). It’s like there’s another one of you around to soothe and comfort you. Aside from gender/age difference (ie older brother vs younger brother), you are relatively equal in this way to your brother. This also makes the romance between you relatively palatable compared to parent/guardian and child.
I think I touched on this in the previous ask I linked. But other types of incest like parent/child or another older relative, that equity I just talked about doesn’t exist. There’s inherent power dynamics which makes people generally uncomfortable (think about how people are uncomfortable with teacher/student or boss/employee, etc.). Not only is it immoral because it’s incest, but the older party is also morally failing you. They have a responsibility to be the adult in this situation, and they are doing something grimy and gross by betraying that sense of responsibility/trust. Like if you were raised by your parent and then when you’re an adult they engage in sex with you, that’s a betrayal of your established relationship and them being your caregiver. Did they raise you just to groom you and have sex with you? Did they feel attracted to you since childhood? It’s more than just a sibling, where you have been close in age and did not have that level of responsibility to each other. (Unless they raised you, which complicates the relationship). There’s just more levels of moral failings when a guardian is the one engaging in this behavior, and I’m sure that turns people off. I also touched upon this before, but most people have either very good or very bad relationships with the adults in their lives and do not want to imagine this scenario knowing their experiences.
And writing a fic where it’s your biological parent/guardian x reader is not easily to do as pwp; it requires some explanations for why it’s happening, and typically those kind of situations make people uncomfortable. There’s no way your parents would have raised you from a baby and then as an adult suddenly feel an attraction to you without something very critically wrong happening. And many people don’t want to read that.
Easily disgestible incest scenarios are usually step-relatives who didn’t grow up with you, or estranged relatives who meet you as an adult. Those kind of scenarios are easy to explain, and do not typically cause a guttural reaction in people because they can very easily understand a strangers to lovers scenario. Think of it as just strangers to lovers with a sort of uncomfy title attached. People can handle “sort of uncomfy”. There’s no trauma there. Nothing morally wrong happening besides overlooking a technical title. It’s easy to digest and easy to overlook.
Anyway. I think it’s the power dynamics and age gap that turns people off of other types of incest.
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sixofravens-reads · 2 months
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Okay im (lowkey) back from my social media vacation. Unclear how much I will post here yet, because I've become fairly disenchanted with various book-fandoms and their dramas recently lol, but I will at least try and keep this blog updated with what I'm currently reading.
Anyway, in the past 3 weeks I read:
Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh, which is very weird and off-putting, with most of the main characters being, at best, assholes. I do think it's a good read, though. The theme of most of the stories seems to be "MC loses their perfect life because they can't get out of their own destructive cycles" or "MC loses what they think will give them the perfect life but instead gains the knowledge of what is really important, unfortunately it is too late."
Reread the Unicorn series by Vicki Blum as a palate cleanser after that book + The Stranger Beside Me. Those are childhood favourites and are always a nice "reset."
Also finished Princess Jellyfish, which is a wonderful and adorable series. There's a pretty funny twist around vol 6, and I felt like vol 9 wrapped things up a little too fast, but overall it's a great read.
Then my hold for Please Kill Me: The Unauthorized Oral History of Punk finally came up. An extremely interesting, weird, delightful, off-putting, horrifying, and sad read lol. All the emotions! Highly recommend even if you're not into punk music since it's a good look at history and the culture of 60s-80s New York as well. I recommend pairing it with the No Dogs in Space podcast's series about punk.
Now I'm reading The Mermaid's Secret by Vicki Blum, and next I'll read The Dragon Prince to cap off my rereads of her books. After that I'm hoping to start an LoTR reread.
So that's...16 books in 3 weeks without tumblr. If I want my teenage reading speed back I guess I should just quit social media 😅
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Winter in Baldur's Gate
A Fic Series [Only viewable by registered ao3 users at this time to protect against some AI scraping]
Since I haven't been posting individually for every fic, this post will act as a directory!
Overall, the series is:
Tavstarion (Astarion/Winter, or...Aster...wwww)
SLOWBURN
Winter and Companions Friendship pieces ahoy
Eventually, Tavstarion AND Tavsin, maybe someday even HalTavStarion
The first line of each fic's summary includes the Act for ease of access/browsing/avoidance of spoilers.
Individual links under the cut!
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SERIES DIRECTORY
ACT 1
A Knife to the Throat In the wake of the Nautiloid crash, Astarion clocked Winter perfectly. Namely, as someone who would, in fact, kill another roving brain at the request of a complete stranger. He didn't account for everything, however.
Elturel's Unwanted - NEW! Winter has already survived a trip to the hells and a crashing nautiloid, fought disembodied brains and imps, killed a downed mind flayer, and had a knife held to his throat. Now, he has to do the most harrowing thing of all: talk. To other people. It is going to be a Very Long Day.
On a Bird's Wing After a long day, Winter is grateful that camp is set up, but there's more yet to be done. He remembers suddenly that there's someone who needs to be told what's going on: his sister, back in Baldur's Gate.
The Beat of Wings in the Stomach | Butterflies Winter has never been good with people. In fact, he's been out in the wilds alone for so long that he often doesn't know what to do with himself. But his instinct, when he finds that one of his companions is utterly beautiful, is to try to hide it. It's not working.
Hellspawn Wyll is unmoored in the face of the changes wrought upon him by his patron, but is offered an unexpected comfort from Winter. He asks what Winter sees, and gets rather more than he bargained for.
A Little Flattery | Insight Check Astarion catches himself performing as he would were he still in Baldur’s Gate. Winter almost sees through him.
The Lightning Strike Astarion does not like being taken by surprise. But...his new companion keeps managing it. Not all of it makes him as grumpy as he thinks it ought to. Or, a storm, a tiefling who loves them, and the pale elf who doesn't know what to make of him.
Fear and Hunger Astarion wakes from a terrible nightmare and wonders just how many rules of his old life he can break. He thinks Winter is the safest bet to try and find out. He gets more than he bargained for.
Shadowheart's Phobia Shadowheart unintentionally confronts and reveals her fear. Winter is gobsmacked. Later, they share a bottle of wine and talk. Really talk.
A Tavern’s-worth of Delights Astarion entertains further expanding his palate, if only theoretically. Winter is swept along for the ride.
Prowess, and A Grimoire Hard-Won Diptypch. Prowess: Winter practices throwing some daggers and gets some unexpected company. Later, he learns a new skill, and he's not the only one surprised by it. A Grimoire Hard-Won: Astarion had told Winter he would happily carry that very cursed tome for him if he wanted, thank you very much. Now that they have the keystone, Winter offers it to him. Astarion didn't for a moment think he'd actually hand it over so easily.
A Glimpse (A Slip of the Mask) ⚠️ ASTARION'S BACKSTORY SPOILERS! ⚠️ Astarion tells Winter about his past, and what that might mean for the party's already-precarious present.
A Lullaby, or, Flies and Honey Raphael introduces himself. The companions react over dinner.
An Arrangement Winter has something he needs to talk to Astarion about, and he is Deeply Mortified.
ACT 2
Astral Aftershocks Winter is reeling in the aftermath of discovering just who, exactly, is protecting him and his companions from ceremorphosis, and how he does it, and what he offered him. Dazed and in shock, he wanders the camp, and right over to the tent of the one person he wants comfort from but is too afraid to ask for it...
ACT 3
No Sleep for the Wicked nor Wise Following an unexpected confrontation in camp, Winter has fled to the rooftops, Astarion's words lodged like a splinter in his mind. Halsin checks on him.
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