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hell-isnt-deep-enough-for-me · 10 months

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Hey, hope its ok that I'll send a request in. I'm at the moment such a simp for started valleys Sam, if you feel comfortable with it I would love some nsfw stuff. Maybe Sam and female/gender neutral reader playing some video's and everytime someone loses they have to take one piece of clothes of and at some point it just gets spicy 🌶

Rainbow Road

Sam x F!Reader

Warnings: hand jobs, blow jobs, dirty thoughts, the use of pretty boy and good boy

~~~

It felt great to be able to hang out with friends instead of being in the blistering heat. This summer's weather is probably the hottest it's been since you moved here. So the thought of being in an air-conditioned house with your friends and crush was terrific.

Everyone had been busy the entire week, so this was the first time everyone got to hang out. You agreed to meet at Sam’s house at noon when you were done with your farm chores. You wouldn’t admit it, but you took a quick shower and booked it to Sam’s house as soon as you were done. You were early, sure, but that meant you got to spend alone time with your crush. You even put on clothes that you thought made you look more appealing yet not over/underdressed for a simple gaming day with friends. You knocked on his door and waited.

“Well, aren’t you early?” Was the first words out of his mouth when you showed up earlier than everyone else. About an hour early even. Although, Sam would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy that you showed up earlier than everyone else. Being alone for the next hour in his room? It was like straight out of his dreams. Of course, in those dreams, you weren’t wearing clothes.

“I figured I might as well practice so I don’t lose to Abby in CoD again.” Sam let you in, smiling in your direction before closing the door behind you. You removed your shoes before following him to his room without a word.

“Wow, your room is clean. Did you have a girl come over that you wanted to impress?” You laugh and elbow him gently. A small part of your hoped it was because you were coming over, but in reality, it was probably easier to hang out with everyone that way.

“What?! Pfft, no!” Sam’s face went red as he tried to look everywhere but at you.

“Oh my gosh, you did! I can see it in your eyes! Your face is totally giving you away!”

“Maybe I wanted to clean my room for once!”

“Uh-huh, sure.” You laughed at him before flopping down on his bed. It just looked so comfortable, and your body was so sore from going all over the farm, grabbing crops, and feeding the animals.

The way your body laid across his bed made his heart beat in his ears. Pictures started forming in his mind on how you’d look if you lay beneath him with lustful eyes. Your hands would slither under his shirt, and your soft touch would have him shivering. Of how you could unbutton his jeans and slowly move towards the base of his cock, your fingers lightly touching it, making his hips buck just to feel more.

“Sam, you okay? You're staring at the wall.” Your voice brought him back to earth as you looked at him. The slight concern on your face had his heart fluttering.

“Sorry, I zoned out. Uh, do you wanna play a game while we wait?”

“Sure, I can kick your ass for a confidence boost against Abby.”

“Oh, is that so?” Getting up from his bed, he saw you walk up with a wide grin.

“It is, and just to prove how confident I really am, I’ll take off a piece of clothing in shame for every time I lose. But if you lose, you must remove a piece of clothing.” Your heart was beating rapidly as you tried to shoot your shot. It wasn’t a standard way people did it, but you never know if you don’t try. The worst he could do is say no.

“Guess you're gonna be naked when Abby and Seb appear 'cause I'm going to win.” With red cheeks and a glint in his eyes, Sam turned on his tv and started up the new switch he had saved up for.

“I say Mario Kart. My house, my choice.” Sam smirked as he sat in front of the TV before tossing you your own controller. You caught it and then sat next to him. A little closer than a friend would. You could feel his body heat and hear a gulp from the man beside you before he turned on the game. However, Sam didn’t know that you were a god at Mario Kart. You never played with any of them, but it was your favorite game to play when you were alone. Knowing that this would be a piece of cake. You wanted to take him by surprise, so you’ll let him win the first one to get his ego boosted before you crush it.

—

“Haha! How’s it feel to lose farmer?” Sam’s smug voice seemed to bounce off the walls as you rolled your eyes.

“Great, I was hot anyways.” Putting down your controller, you grab the helm of your shirt. Listing your arms up, you pull off the fabric before putting it next to you. Usually, it would have been fine since you’d wear a bra, but today was just so hot…so you didn’t.

“What, never seen tits before, Sam?” Your teasing went straight to his cock as he saw your exposed breasts. God, he wishes he could just hold them in his hands and kiss them. Suck on your exposed nipple, leaving them covered in saliva as he ate up your moans. The sounds you’d make echoed in his head as he felt his cock aching. He imagined how soft they’d be if they surrounded his cock.

“Press play Sam. I don’t want to be the only shirtless one here.” Your voice broke his fantasy, and he pressed play. He focused hard as he tried to ignore the question if you wore panties under your shorts since you didn’t wear a bra. The thought had him biting his lip.

“Better pay attention, Sam, you're in 12th.” Letting out a curse, he desperately tried to fix his place, but it was too late. He could feel your smug grin as you looked at him. His cheeks felt like fire as he took off his jacket. The AC making him shiver.

“Can’t wait to win.” Your mischievous smile had his mind racing.

—

“Rainbow Road Sam, better hope you win. Your boxers can’t save you now.” You only took off your shirt, as here he was, almost naked. He wished he knew that you were perfect at the game. You kicked his ass and didn’t even blink, it seemed like. You definitely let him win the first one, which crushed his ego. Not that he’ll admit it.

“Quit falling off, Sam. It’s almost like you WANT to lose.” He’s never been more focused on anything in his entire life than right now. He couldn’t lose! You’d see just how much you turned him on. He’s tried hiding it ever since he lost his pants, but nothing he did helped it down. Maybe the idea of being so exposed in front of you turned him on more? Having you see what you do to him. How his cock aches at the thought of your running your pretty hand up and down his cock. The way your eyes would look at him with lust as you’d move faster with every moan that escaped his lips. He struggled against the urge to buck his hips up against your imaginary hand. He could feel his heart thump in his chest when he heard the winner of the race.

“Peach wins!” He saw you throw your hands up and shout in victory.

“Princess Peach, I knew you wouldn’t let me down!” You turn your head towards him with a look as you stare him up and down.

“You know what that means, Sam.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he grabbed his boxers before slipping them off completely. He turned his face away in embarrassment as his hard cock stood proudly in front of you.

“Well, since I won, I believe I get to tell you what to do, hmm? I mean, it’s only fair.” Sam’s eyes couldn’t meet yours as his toes curled at the implication.

“Right, Sam?” He could feel your tits pressed against his back as you spoke softly into his ear. He didn’t even hear you move.

“Okay…” He didn’t need to look at you to know you were smiling. He let out a gasp when your lips started kissing his neck. Soft ones before you’d nibble on the sensitive spots that had him slip out little moans. Your fingers moved up his back before moving to rub his chest. It felt too ghostly at the lingering touches.

“Why don’t you be a good boy for me and start pumping your begging cock? I wanna see my pretty boy in bliss.” Yes, he’ll be your good boy. He wants to be your pretty boy.

Grabbing his cock, already leaking with pre, he slowly moved his hand up and down, imagining it was yours. The feeling of you sucking on his neck had him moving faster. He bit his lip as he saw your hair in his peripheral vision.

You could feel the heat grow between your legs as you watched him pick up his pace. Licking your lips, you move your hands around his chest. Running over his nipples and slightly tugging on them, making him let out a gasp before you moved your hands farther down. Teasingly slow, you moved your hand near the base of his cock. A louder gasp could be heard.

“You want help pretty boy?” A wicked grin plastered your face when he nodded gently. That wasn’t good enough, though. You wanted words.

“Come on, use your words.” Letting out a whine and shutting his eyes, you caught a breathy yes. Knowing it was the best you were gonna get, you started your endeavors.

You replaced his hand with yours, and a moan fell from his lips. Such a cute one that you wanted more. Picking up the pace quickly, your hand glided up and down his cock, leaving him to buck up his hips. Quiet moans and whines escaped his mouth as his toes curled when you started to whisper praises in his ear.

God, your hand felt so much better than he ever thought it would. The way you ran your finger ran over his slit had him shaking. If your hand felt this good, how would your mouth or even cunt feel like? The thought had his stomach tightened as the urge to cum started approaching quickly. His moans got louder as his legs started shaking.

“Aw, pretty boy about to cum? Do you deserve to?”

“Yes! Please! I’ll do anything!”

“Anything?” the way your voice seemed so sinister, but he didn’t care. He just needed to cum.

“Anything! Please!”

“Okay. Only cause you’ve been such a good boy for me.” Such words had him let out a loud moan as his cum shot from his cock, covering your hand and his tummy. You grab your phone quickly from your back pocket before snapping a picture of his blissed-out face. All red and too cute to not take a picture. Plus, when you were alone, it’d be the perfect material.

“What a good boy.” Kissing his cheek, you moved from behind to in front of him. You placed yourself in between his legs and looked up at him with lustful eyes. A good boy deserves a treat, right?

Sam saw you lowering your head before giving his tip a small kitten lick, having him whine at the new sensation. Your warm tongue against his overstimulated cock had his body shaking.

Biting his lips, he laid back when he felt you place your lips around the tip of his cock. The feeling was something he’d never forget as he swore it felt like he was in heaven. His crush sucking on his cock was a dream come true.

Such a sensitive boy. The look of his legs shaking and him digging his fingers onto the hardwood floor made you want to see how he’d react if you took him all.

A loud moan escaped Sam’s lips as his whole cock was enveloped in your mouth. The warm heat of your mouth almost had him cumming instantly. The way your tongue ran against the underside of his cock had him try to reach down to grab your hair, only to be slapped away, and you gave him a dirty look. Not wanting it to end, He just tried to hold onto the wooden floor to stabilize himself.

His reactions were so cute, the way whines and moans spewed from his lips as he tried bucking his hips into your mouth, only for you to slam them back down. He let out a whimper before biting his lip. He’s been such a naughty boy. Naughty boys don’t get treats.

KNOCK KNOCK

The sound of his front door knocking had you taking out his cock from your mouth with a smile. Sam let out a loud whine at the loss of warmth.

“Please, please, please don’t stop, so close…” His cries made the heat in between your legs grow hotter.

“Our friends are here. It would be rude to keep them waiting.” You sat up and grabbed your shirt before leaning over Sam’s body, the feeling of his cock pressing against your clothed tummy.

“Now, better dress up. Wouldn’t want our friends to see how much of a slut you are.” The way you talked to him had his eyes rolling before he let out a loud moan, and he felt a huge relief wash over him as he cummed so hard that he felt like he had lost his breath.

“You got it all over my shirt! Your lucky our friends are here to save you, but I won’t be forgiving next time.” You stood up and tried your best to wipe off your cum stained short before leaving Sam lying on his bedroom floor, trying to regain his breath and put on his discarded clothes. With your words still echoing in his head.

“Next time.”

#stardew valley #stardew valley x reader #sdv #stardew valley sam #stardew valley sam x reader #sdv smut #stardew valley smut

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fadedin2u · 4 months

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pick up and roll the dice - ch. 2

read in between the lines, i know you love me…

summary: ellie takes you to a college party, you do her make up. based on the song hold on by the internet

content: college!au, childhood best friends!au, dealer!ellie, fem!reader, modern!au, ellie is a simp (not surprising), ur also a simp, art major!ellie, kinda slow burn??

word count: 2.8k

warnings: mention of reader vomiting, drug usage (alcohol, weed), lots of cursing (what do you expect), men (mentioned), expect nsfw chapters in the future so MDNI 18+

read chapter 1 here

“Hey, just FYI, a guy is gonna come over in about 15 to pick up,” Ellie warns you as she puts on some sweatpants on top of the boxers she was lounging in.

Ellie started dealing in high school, and it started purely by accident. She was always the one with bud, and originally only sold to close friends because they didn’t know where to get weed, but as college got more hectic (and tuition went up), Ellie started selling to people on campus. She sold actual bud mainly, but sometimes she’d sell shrooms if she ended up in possession of them.

You sit on your own twin bed, and look up from your phone, nodding. It wasn’t completely unusual for Ellie to have people pick up at the dorms, but more often she tried to avoid it in fear of getting caught by the R.A. and potentially getting expelled.

“Sounds good,” You say, going back to your phone.

Ellie stares at you for a moment, deliberating, “Hey, uh, there’s a party happening tonight that I’m probably gonna end up going to sell at, would you wanna come?”

Your face scrunches up, cautious, “Who’s throwing it?”

Ellie thinks for a minute, “I think it’s the lacrosse team, but don’t quote me on that.”

You groan, “Ughh… The lacrosse team? Seriously?”

Ellie sits on your bed, her hands clasped together, “Come onnnn, it won’t be fun without you there. Besides, we’ll go for an hour, get wasted and high, and come back here to play Mario Kart! It’ll be fun!”

You glare at Ellie, “You wouldn’t wanna go to this party either if it wasn’t for the business opportunity. The lacrosse guys are dicks.”

Ellie gives you a half-smile, “I know, that’s why I overcharge them.”

You snort, rolling your eyes, and you contemplate your options. You could either go out with Ellie and stay entertained, even if it is around insufferable people, or you could stay at home and play a video game for 7 hours straight.

“Okay, fine. But you owe me,” you say, folding your arms over your chest.

Ellie gives you a cheeky smile, “The pleasure of my company isn’t enough for you?”

You stare blankly back at her.

Ellie laughs, “Fine, Jesus, name your price.”

You think for a moment, not knowing what Ellie could give you besides weed.

Suddenly your face lights up, “You have to let me do your make up for tonight.”

Ellie’s nose scrunches up, “Dude, come on. I’m not a make up girl.”

You roll your eyes again, “I’m not gonna do it like mine, I’ll make it more androgynous, I promise. It’ll look so good.”

Ellie thinks about you thinking that she looks “so good”, and she sighs, “Fine. But none of that mascara shit. It feels weird on my eyes and I don’t like the way it looks.”

You laugh, “You have my word, no mascara.” You look over at the clock, seeing that it’s already about 8:30pm.

“We should probably get ready soon then, right?” You ask, and there’s a knock at the door.

Ellie nods as she walks towards the door, “Yeah, just let me finish this up.”

As Ellie takes care of business, you go over to your closet, thinking hard about what you can wear that looks good, but at the same time, doesn’t look like you put in that much effort to a college party.

You eventually pink a pair of your favorite pair of jeans, a tight, black cropped t-shirt, and some sneakers. You wait to start changing until Ellie’s customer leaves.

Ellie shuts the door, folding the wad of cash and slipping it into her wallet.

You start changing out of your shorts and hoodie into your outfit, and Ellie very pointedly does not look anywhere near you as you change. When you’re in your outfit, you look over it in the mirror.

“What are you gonna wear, Els?” You ask, fixing your hair.

Ellie stares at you in your outfit before looking down at her wife-beater and sweatpants combo. “Uh… This?”

You give Ellie a look, “Dude. This-“ you point to a stain near her neckline, “is from yesterday.”

Ellie scoffs, “Fuck you, I’m saving the environment by not washing my clothes every time I wear them.”

You roll your eyes, “Oh, is that what you’re doing?”

You go over to Ellie’s closet. You pick a black graphic tee, your favorite of her short-sleeve button ups to wear over it, and a pair of her slouchy denim jeans.

“Voila.” You say, shoving the clothes into her chest as you walk over to your shared bathroom to do your own make up. She flushes, but nonetheless changes into the outfit you picked, the idea of you picking what you think looks best on her making her stomach fluttery and warm.

When Ellie is finished changing, she walks into the bathroom, watching you in the mirror as you do your make up. You apply a light layer of lipstick as she does, and you’re hyperaware of her gaze on your face.

You finish up, your make up accentuating your features perfectly. You blot your lips with some toilet paper, and nod.

“Okay, let’s do this-“ You say, hoping up onto the bathroom counter and rifling through your make up bag until you find a brown, pencil liner.

“C’mere,” You say, motioning for Ellie to come closer.

Ellie’s hands are sweating as she walks up to you, standing in between your legs. She’s not sure where to put her hands so she leaves them dangling at her sides.

You lean forward and put your hand on Ellie’s cheek to steady her face. “Your eyes might water, just so you’re prepared.”

Ellie scoffs, “Please. A little eyeliner isn’t gonna kill me.”

You start lining her waterline, and her eye immediately tears up, “Fuck.”

You giggle, continuing to outline her green eyes. When you’re done, you put the pencil away.

“Okay, now the trick for this is to close your eyes and rub them a bit. Can you do that for me?” You ask as you rummage through your bag again to pull out some eyebrow gel.

Ellie chuckles a little, following your instructions, “I thought the point was to not touch your eyes when you have eyeliner on so you don’t fuck it up.”

You nod, “Yeah, usually, but I’m doing more of a diffused, messy look on you. It’ll look best with your whole… Vibe, I guess, if your make up is less structured and more messy.”

Ellie stops rubbing her eyes, and the green in her eyes pops brilliantly against the brown liner. You smile, pleased with yourself.

“Okay, that was the worst of it,” You say, brushing through Ellie’s eyebrows with the gel.

Ellie nods, focused on your face as you do her make up, and it makes you feel excessively vulnerable, but you don’t call attention to it, assuming it’s you who’s being weird for thinking into it.

You take a blush stick and apply a little to her freckled cheeks, and lightly dab the rest on her lips with your finger.

Finally, you apply a top layer of chapstick to her lips.

“Okay, finished,” You say, admiring your work.

Ellie nods, still in-between your legs, looking at you. “Thanks.”

You giggle, and it sounds more nervous than you intended. “Wanna check yourself out in the mirror?”

Ellie is knocked out of her stupor, and moves out from between your legs to look in the mirror. The liner makes her eyes pop, and the rest of the make up is simple and light, accentuating her features while adding a little something extra.

Ellie’s face spreads into a grin, “Dude, this is so much better than I expected.”

You kick her before jumping off the counter.

She yelps, “Hey! I didn’t mean that in a bad way, I just never really saw how I could wear make up in a way that makes me feel comfortable, and this looks great.”

You fix yourself in the mirror one last time, “Damn right it looks great. I did it.”

Ellie laughs, her smile bright. She gives you a once over, “You ready to go?”

—-

The house that’s hosting the party is only a few blocks away from your dorm building, so you and Ellie walk there together as you share a blunt.

By the time you two arrive at the party, you’re both fairly stoned. Ellie opens the door for you, and you two barely get three steps inside before you hear a “Ellie! Y/n!”

You both turn to see a clearly inebriated Jesse rushing towards you, a goofy smile on his face.

He gives you both a bear hug at the same time, and you laugh as Ellie says, “I’m guessing you already found the booze, Jess?”

Jesse laughs boisterously, shrugging, “Hey, you guys need to catch up, get on my level.”

Ellie looks over at you, eyebrow raised, “Wanna take a shot?”

You make a face, “Not really, but I’m gonna take one anyways.”

Ellie laughs at that, and the three of you migrate to the kitchen. Ellie takes a bottle of whiskey out of her backpack that’s carrying everything she has to sell tonight. She pours three shots with some miscellaneous, most likely used, shot glasses on the counter. As she does, you ask Jesse, “Is Dina gonna be here tonight?”

Jesse makes a face, and you think ‘Shit, sore subject right now, huh?’

Jesse says, “Dina and I had a fight last night, so… I don’t know if she’s gonna be here.”

Ellie makes a low whistle, but she knows her friends, and this on and off again thing between Jesse and Dina has been going on since you all were in high school together. They’ll likely be right as rain by the end of the week.

You take a shot from Ellie and pass the other to Jesse, “Then we’ll have a blast with the three of us, right?”

Jesse grins, “Fuck yeah, we will.”

——-

Famous last words.

About 2 hours later, you were sitting alone on a musty couch, your head dizzy from the several drinks you’ve already had. You nurse another one as you watch Ellie dealing to some brunette girl. Jesse left you to hang out with some guy friends, so you’re left to watch this girl flirt with Ellie, clearly putting the moves on her. Your stomach twists a little as you see Ellie laugh at something she said, her eyes crinkling.

When the girl rests her arm on Ellie’s bicep and Ellie doesn’t resist it, you stand up, going to get some fresh air.

You weave through the packed house, stumbling slightly as you turn a corner. ‘Fuck. I must be more drunk than I thought.’

You go outside, walking out onto the front porch. There are a few people smoking outside, and you try to move past them, but a man puts his hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, y/n, right?” He asks, tilting his head. It’s dark out, but you finally recognize his face from a generals math class you took freshman year.

“Hey, Matt, how’ve you been?” You ask, cursing yourself for playing into it. You barely knew the guy, and you were really not in the mood to entertain someone’s conversation.

Matt grins, and he leans in closer to you, pulling you over to the porch railing by him, “I’ve been better without Professor Bynum on my ass about stats. How’ve you been?”

Your nose scrunches up instinctually at him pulling you over.

“I’ve been alright, pretty busy, I actually just came out here to get some air and, well- I guess I got it, so I should probably get back inside.” You say awkwardly, back away.

Matt says, “Wait! Before you leave… You should know that I had a *huge* crush on you during that class.”

‘Great. Jesus Christ,’ you think.

“That’s- Um, that’s sweet.” You say, and you couldn’t sound less enthusiastic if you tried.

Matt’s inebriated brain doesn’t seem to care about that though, “Do you think I could take you out sometime?”

You wince, “Oh, Matt, I’m sorry, I-“

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you jump, turning back just to see Ellie. She looks a little hurt, “I thought you were gonna wait on the couch for me?”

You give Ellie an apologetic, tense smile, starting to feel a little nauseated, “Sorry, I just needed to get some air.”

You turn back to Matt, and maybe if you were less drunk, you would’ve had more tact, but all that comes out of your mouth is, “And I’m sorry, Matt, but no.”

Matt’s eyebrows furrow, “Damn, okay. Do you have a boyfriend or something?”

You pause, wondering if you should lie to get out of the awkward situation, but before you do, Ellie says, “Why, does she need a boyfriend to not want to go out with you?”

‘Jesus, Ellie.’ You think, your stomach churning more and more.

Matt’s jaw drops, “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is your problem?”

Ellie’s eyes narrow, “Nothing, I’m just explaining how to take rejection, dipshit.”

Matt looks like he’s about to say something to retaliate, but before he does, you turn away from them and vomit over the porch railing into the shrubs.

Whatever was about to be said gets lost, and you feel one hand bracing your back as another gathers the hair out of your face, and you hear Ellie’s voice by your ear, “Shit, you alright?”

You try to nod but you end up heaving more, emptying the contents of your stomach. Ellie’s hand smoothes over your back in a way that she hopes is comforting as she holds your hair away from your face.

“Hey, it’s alright, you’re okay. I’m gonna take you home, alright?” Ellie asks as you stand back upright, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Okay,” you say, too nauseous to resist and too done with this party to want to.

Ellie seems considerably more sober than you as she wraps one arm around your waist, walking you back to the dorms. You’re about to tell Ellie that you’re fine to walk on your own, that you’re not that drunk, but you can’t help but want to take advantage of the situation, leaning into Ellie.

“I’m sorry for making you leave early,” you say, and she squeezes your waist.

“You’re just fine, babe, don’t worry. I wanted to leave that boring ass party anyways.” Ellie responds, shrugging.

The two of you keep walking. “What about that girl you were talking to? She was really pretty:”

Ellie brows furrow, “The brunette? She was nice, I guess.”

You shake your head as you laugh, “Ellie, you are so dense, she was totally into you.”

Ellie shrugs again, “I know.”

Your brows furrow this time, “And… You weren’t interested?”

Ellie shrugs, “She was alright, just… Yeah. Wasn’t interested.”

Ellie leads you up to your dorm room, and when you step inside, you immediately face plant onto your bed.

“Home sweet home,” you say into the duvet, your voice muffled.

Ellie chuckles at that, grabbing a glass of water that was by your bedside and bringing it to you. “Okay, doll. Can you drink this?”

You sit up on the bed, and sip the water as Ellie goes to fetch ibuprofen, a bucket (just in case you still feel sick later), and a warm washcloth because she knows you like to clean your face at the very least before bed.

She sets everything up for you as you wipe off your face, watching her with a lovesick ache in your stomach.

When you’re finished, she takes the washcloth and chucks it into the dirty laundry hamper. She also passes you one of her (clean) cheesy, graphic tees.

“For you to sleep in.” She says casually.

You laugh, “My closet is right there, Els.”

Ellie’s cheeks go a little pink and she tries to take the shirt back, “Well, if you don’t want it-“

You snatch it back from her, “I want it.”

She laughs and puts her hands up in surrender before going to use the bathroom to clean up herself.

You strip off your dirty clothes except for your underwear and slip on Ellie’s t-shirt. You check to make sure the bathroom door is still closed before lifting the fabric up to your nose and sniffing it, smelling the familiar scent of Ellie’s laundry detergent.

You feel that same lovesick ache pang at your stomach again, and you crawl back into bed, your drunk brain too inebriated to handle that kind of intense emotion. You nestle under your covers, and thanks to the weed and alcohol in your bloodstream, you quickly pass out.

When Ellie comes out of the bathroom and finds you asleep in her clothes, she quickly goes to pull out her journal, sitting on her own twin bed across from yours and doing a quick, messy sketch of your sleeping face.

‘This is fucking weird behavior, Ellie, what the fuck?’ She thinks to herself as she finishes up and gets up to put her journal away.

On her way back to the bed, she pauses, looking at you for a moment before kissing your cheek softly.

“Goodnight.” She whispers, before crawling into her own bed, where she would lie awake for several more hours.

———

chapter 3 here!

texts w reader and ellie here

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou2 #ellie williams fanfic #tlou #ellie x reader #ellie tlou #rose writes #pick up and roll the dice

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ohheythisisagoodname · 2 months

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write your name with hearts

featuring: Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, Denki Kaminari, tamaki amajiki, shinso hitoshi note: so sorry their all kinda short so i could fit them all without doing a second part

izuku (i can't tell if this is a person of broccoli....)

~ he was taking notes on you and your quirk one day

~ poor baby didn't even notice it because he was going on and on about your quirk until uraraka pointed it out in curiosity

~ his face lit up like a tomato

~ he tried to explain somehow but failed... horribly...

~ he actually ended up doing it a few more times

~ you caught him doing it once and he closed (slammed) his book faster than the speed on light. At least he didn't say he didn't do it.

~ after that you would always look over his paper sometimes to try and catch him in the act but after that he's never been caught again, doesn't mean he doesn't do it though.

~ it's just something he can't get over now

bakugo (the angry pomeranian. best friends a simp so might be a little bit oc-ish)

~ even he doesn't know what happened but one second his writing with his head in his hands and the next he's a blushing mess.

~ you had walked past his desk and when you saw it you pointed it out.

~ bakugo would extremely blush, but then he would try to hide it and start yelling at you telling you to mind your own business and start saying your delusional.

~ afterward after class he would go straight to his dorm a blushing mess.

~ like deku you would never find him doing it again.

~ for weeks after that you would be on his mind, he would think about that god awful moment.

~ he tried to play off the thoughts running in his head about your pretty little face as you had asked about it.

~ god he loved that curious glint in your eyes, but he'll NEVER say so.

shoto (it's icy thought on thursdays)

(help i have no idea how he would act, soo soo soo sorry this is gonna be so ooc, but all of them are soo...)

~ deku finds him doing it and asks him about it quietly so you couldn't hear shoto was writing your name with hearts.

~ he automatically erases it and stares at deku with a poker face "who's y/n?"

~ deku would automatically fall silent. "eh... um... nevermind." deku would say ending that awkward conversation.

~ of course somehow word about it would get to you, how? no idea. don't ask me.

~ you could ask shoto about it but he would just ghost the question.

~ like bakugo he would never be seen doing it again but his feelings for you would escalate from that day.

denki (my cute little sparky boy who lit a spark in my heart)

~ kiri found out about denki tending to write your name (yes in yellow hearts. get it? haha, i'm so funny... ha... ha... i'm delusional and a idiot...)

~ denki openly admitted it with an energetic smile

~ after going on and on about for a full hour with bakugo and kiri just staring at him like he's a simp (but i'm a bigger simp)

~ after that he just sat back down laughing awkwardly and scratching the back of his head.

~ if you had asked him about it though his brain would fry like when he uses his quirk and he would become a blushing mess

~ if you didn't though he would just stay cocky about it thinking that if you ever found out he'd just have a chance to ask you out but as you can see... it failed... horribly...

~ he would still ask you out though... in this brain... his fried brain...

~ but all that you would get was a blushing mess and incomprehensible babbles.

~ he would try again once he's brain wasn't on the fritz but his brain fried again thinking about it... holly ratatouille he's cute

tamaki (no.1 shy boi of my heart, ligt changing songs just for him, now playing "i can't handle change" by roar,)

~ you thought the others were nervous? oh boy... ignore getting your brain fried, ignore turning into a tomato, ignore whatever shoto and bakugo were. this shy boy right here is the real deal.

~ mario *ahem* i mean mirio caught tamaki in the act and asked about it.

~ of course tamaki blushed, with that quivering smile appearing on his lips.

~ tamaki being mirio's best friend told him about his feelings for you and mirio being mirio promised not to tell a soul

~ but once nejire told mirio about your little crush on tamaki mirio told nejire about tamaki's little crush on you. and then the word spread like wildfire

~ once tamaki had figured it out he was in a full blown panic attack

~ poor baby didn't even consider you liked him back and thought it was all a prank on him for liking

~ it took a lot of convincing for him to finally understand you liked him back

shinso (my beautiful insomniac who would keep me company through those bad nights)

~ umm... so who's the worst person to find you writing your crush's name with hearts? stop thinking its aizawa.

~ as soon as he catches shinso writing your name with hearts next to it.... damn... his own Protégé having a crush on his own student...

~ aizawa doesn't exactly hate the idea of shinso getting a girl/boyfriend but at the same time they could get in the way of hero work.

~ aizawa keeps it to himself that he knows shinso's crush but shinso had noticed something was off about the way mr.aizawa would act when he and you were together

~ once shinso had asked about it and aizawa explained shinso had birds over his head

~ after that he makes a deal with aizawa, he works as hard as he can and aizawa will help shinso get to go one a date with her and boy shinso kept his word

bye bye

none of it is my art

#my hero acedamia headcanons #boku no hero academia #mha x reader #izuku midoriya #bakugou katsuki #shoto todoroki #denki kaminari #tamaki amajiki #shinsou hitoshi #izuku x reader #bakugou x reader #shoto x reader #denki x reader #tamaki x reader #shinsou x reader #horrible jokes

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wonwooslibrary · 10 months

Text

svt as boyfriends ♡ wonwoo edition

member: wonwoo x gn!reader genre: fluff, bullet points :3 word count: 876 summary: wonu's gamer bf era warnings: none !! just know that i am in love with jeon wonwoo. (me saying things like that is what makes it hard to see i'm a junhui ult on this blog) author's note: happy wonwoo day !!!!! summer is about half way over :( but I hope this wonu boyfriend au will make you feel better <3

There is absolutely no way that the Jeon Wonwoo is not the “gamer bf”

I have some very specific thoughts about boyfie Wonwoo so buckle your seatbelts and make sure to keep all hands and feet in the cart while it is in motion

Quality Time

Jeon Wonwoo is the king of quality time!!

He would so much rather just chill with you at home than go anywhere

Hates parties and only goes to them if another member of svt is hosting it because he’ll feel bad if he doesn’t spend time with his brothers

Feels uncomfortable around your friends but will go with you to see them anyway because as long as he’s with you, he’s happy

ABSOLUTELY loves when you ask if you can join him when he is gaming!

If you play games a lot, he’ll be all pouty when you beat him at something like Call of Duty, but if you don’t play games a lot, you’ll be pouty when you find out he let you win at Mario Kart

He would also love to just have cuddle time where he reads his articles online and you just game on your phone, read a novel or something

Words of Affirmation

THIS MAN IS FSDKJFNSDKJ so good at affirmation pls I could sob just thinking about it

He never fails to make you feel worthy, and perfect !

Always compliments you when he’s watching you do something, like if you win a race in Mario Kart he’d be saying something like “I’m so proud of you, good job!” even if it is something simple

He’ll be over the freaking moon if you tell him you got a promotion at work, he’ll go on a rant about how much he loves you and will be on your side no matter what

Do pet names count as words of affirmation bc Wonu is the type to say something like “babygirl/babyboy”, “sweetie” or “sweetheart” aaaaa

Just imagine him being like “good morning, sweetheart” AAAA sorry i’m in love-

Anyway Wonu is amazing at compliments and also loving you

Physical Touch

Is awkward lmao but he will try his best

He would love to rest his head on you, if you’re taller, in between your shoulder blades while back-hugging you, but if you’re shorter, on your shoulders

I can totally see him waiting to hold your hand when you’re shopping, going on dates, or just chilling in the living room

Loves cuddles but would refuse to admit to it

Please let this man be the softie we all know he is !!

Though, even tho he loves being around you and touching you…he always needs his alone time, and you are more than willing to accept that because let’s face it: everyone needs to be alone once in a while

He is such a simp tho, if you ask for even the slightest PDA he goes all out, even if he gets embarrassed about it: he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders if you’re sitting next to each other in a movie theater or a restaurant

He’ll also 100% playfully push you, like if you tell a really bad joke or if he is pretending to be annoyed with you (we all know he could never actually have any negative feelings towards you)

Acts of Service

Acts of service is totally his calling: he’ll love to do literally anything for you

When you can’t sleep or are sick, you’ll ask him to sing you something to relax you and he’ll sing for hours until the both of you are asleep next to each other

He seems like the type to love doing simple chores like laundry: it keeps him distracted, gives him the alone time he needs, and it helps you out !

As soon as you pull a “Wonu could you do this for me 👉👈 🥺” he’ll be sprinting to make you happy

My favorite Wonwoo act of service is: teaching you how to do things…

This man loves to learn, and who else is he going to share his knowledge with? You want to know better ways to keep your plants alive? He’s got you!

You’re unsure how to make this side dish for dinner? He’s texting you links to twenty different recipes and helping you pick the one you like most

He just loves to interest you in these silly little facts that he hopes would help you with something, whether it be now, or in 10 years

He’s a helpful bean <3

Gift Giving

Uses his money to his advantage (pls stop him before he takes over the world)

If you even mention an article of clothing being cute in a store, you suddenly have one of every color the next day

If you are like “Hey Wonu do you wanna go see __ in concert?”, you best believe that he’s buying you VIP tickets

And when you complain to him that he is spending way too much money on you, he just shrugs

“What else am I going to do with my money? We have a nice place, and I have everything I could want, as well as you, I might as well use it to make you happy”

I love him…

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milliemuus · 3 months

Note

Possible future stuff (just a snippet ;) ):

Dokutaro: ‘No…no! Impossible! How is my power core destroyed?!’

Kieran: Wait, his colour’s weird, this means, maybe we have a chance now? If so, then…

Ogerpon: *angrily growls while bringing out her cudgel*

Kieran: *puts his hand, blocking Ogerpon* *with rage* No,I’ll take care of this.

*Grabs Dokutaro’s neck while the True Finale starts*

Kieran:

Who are you… To think that could prevail? For all the sins you’ve done, You'll fall on your face and FAIL!!!! Now then! And In The Final hour our HOPE STILL SHINES!! BLINDING THE DARKEST OF NIGHTS… IN THE FINAL… FIGHT!!

AND THERE’S NO WAY THAT YOU’LL EVER BEAT US!!! YES, WE’RE STILL IN OUR PRIME! YOUR OWN END IS NIGH, IT’S TIME WE FLY HIGH!!

You’ll never harm anyone again Like the runt you were, You may have possessed me and and made me harm my family! But when YOU harm my friends?! You're asking for a Kieran smacking! One single KO punch, Will send you sorry runt a-packing!

*Finally, in a fit of rage, Kieran mustered up all his strength, and punched Dokutaro, sending him flying in the air. Finally the second attack is over, but it truly was a Grand Finale*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(v) PV! Pecharunt: And that’s how I got my ass handed by my Kieran.

@tealmaskmybeloved Pecharunt: *grimaced* sheesh, I hope you’re alright.

S&S Dipplins Pecharunt: Now you’re making me feel that I got off easy…

Azure Dive Pecharunt: *curious* Really? What happened?

S&S Dipplins Pecharunt: Well, let’s just say my Kieran was AN ABSOLUTE SIMP, somehow, his simping was able to shrug off my possession for a short while, but it’s really tiring, ugh, I’m SO TIRED…*internally screaming*

Azure Dive Pecharunt: ohhhh, that sounds really annoying to deal with.

(so, ANOTHER IDEA, AND A SNIPPET OF THE PECHAS. So, you said most of your stuff is inspired by BIS, so another lyrical stuff by Juno Songs (credits to him) for Kieran in the Key Change segment. Also, I changed a few things to fit the context)

(and this could be a sequel’s ending since, the final battle is sort of discussed already)

(so maybe?)

(Also, opportunity for the Pechas to interact :), also if S&S Dipplins Pecharunt confusing you, you can go to @dipplinduo and see the asks, he’s the author of the fanfic)

I LOVE THIS IDEA! I'M FINALLY GETTING TO ANSWER BUT I RLLY NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG! I'VE BEEN Listening to the actual BIS soundtrack, and smth funny I've been thinkin abt is a mario-rpg style thing of Project Venus.

So, you know how in BIS the music changes depending on whether you are bowser or the brothers? Esp inside bowser? I wanna make themes based off the inside bowser themes for Kitakami, BB Academy, Area Zero, etc for PV!Kieran, since his POV is technically warped. Like when we first meet him, it's obvs gonna be normal, but it slowly but surely settles in as time goes on because I wanna say there's a side episode of him training (Like Bowser Jrs Journey was a side episode)

I'd love for everyone's Pechas to interact! I'm a bit intimidated even tho I'm mutuals with both dipplinduo (I believe) and I am definitely mutuals with tealmaskmybeloved!

However, I don't think I've heard much abt Azure Dive, but I hella love the name 👀

I wanna find out more abt them, though! I don't see them on my tl much and I get busy, but I'd love if you told me a buncha stuff, if you'd like to! You're definitely not obligated to, by any means!

Also, I'm very sure that PV!Pecha wpuld get the walloping if a lifetime for sure! Maybe not just by Kieran himself, but by Kieran's ancestor, too 😭

In fact, I think that's what I want PVs Mochi Mayhem to be about! Uncovering Pecharunt and Kieran and Carmine's ancestry with Eustace (The Mask Maker) and the sealed curse that Pecharunt has him under! Ooooghh, givin me so many ideas...

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silliestsakura · 7 months

Text

Silly Sakura Stuff

~My introductory post is supposed to be a simple description of myself and what I do, but it is outdated and dry :/ So now, I'll take the time to make a more clear 'About me' post and then later update up my pinned post :)

Interests - (Described)

(Some have been mentioned before)

•Playing piano. I've mentioned it a couple of times already, but it just shows how much I really love it :)

•Jigsaw puzzles. In my free time, I like to play the ones online rather than physically go and buy one hehehehe but still :3

•Drawing. This one's obvious :0 I've improved a lot digitally over the time I've spent here, although my traditional art is... not the same😵‍💫

•Listening to music while doing nothing but think of scenarios in my head to fit with it. This one is self-explanatory and I'm sure everybody has done it at least once >:)

•Creating story prompts. Though I absolutely hate writing in real life, I still love to think of stories to never use ever again🥰

•Interacting with my mutuals, or in other words, my silly geese as I like to say. Again, this one is pretty self-explanatory, but I loved messing around (@cloudymistedskies ) and being tagged in silly games and whatnot ;)

Things I like - Listed

•Cats🐱

•Bows🎀

•Cherry blossom trees🌸

•Coloring🎨

•Singing🎶

•Anything astronomy related🛸🌙☄️

•Donuts🍩

•Mangos🥭

•Sleeping in💤

•Cold weather❄️

•The sound of bamboo flutes🎍🪈

Things I do not like - Listed

•Having to correct autocorrect🤖

•Loud noises/Sudden noises📢

•Alarm clocks⏰

•Touchy people🤨

•Spiders🕷️

•Hot weather☀️

•Impatient people⌚

•Typing correctly on keyboards⌨️

•Loud chewers😑

•Cheaters👁️

•Sitting still🐈

Favorite things - Listed

•Anime🍡

•Music🎻

•Pop colors🌸🪻💙🐸⭐

•Music boxes🎼

•All of my mutuals🩷

Animes I've watched/read

•Demon Slayer- Watched✔️ Fully read✖️🗡️

•Komi Can't Communicate- Watched✔️ Fully read✖️🗣️

•Chainsaw Man- Watched✔️ Fully read✖️🦊

•Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun- Watched✔️ Currently reading✔️👻

Video games I've played - Listed

•Animal Crossing, New Horizons- Nintendo Switch🔔

•Super Smash Bros. Ultimate- Nintendo Switch❗

•Mario Kart- Nintendo Switch🏁

•Super Mario Party- Nintendo Switch🎉

•Kirby and the Forgotten Land- Nintendo Switch🩷

•Super Mario 3D World, Galaxy, Bowser's Fury- All on Nintendo Switch🐱🔥🌌

•Rec Room- Oculus, Quest Two🧡

•Deltarune- Nintendo Switch🔪

•The Legend of Zelda:

~Breath of the Wild- Nintendo Switch🏰

~Tears of the Kingdom- Nintendo Switch☁️💧

~Link's Awakening- Nintendo Switch, Gameboy🏝️

~Wind Waker- Wii💨🐉

Enthusiastic about- Listed and Why

•Those of you who have my discord, you can see my display name is literally 'Kirby Enthusiast'. I've always loved the Kirby series and everything about it from the designs of the game, music, characters, and the variety of places you can explore within the games🌸🩷(If you want to, my discord name is 'silliestsakura' if you want to add me <3) 🩷

•The Toilet-Bound Hanako series. Again, a lot of you (@theyluvsmilo and @yuichiroleftarm ) might know how much I actually loved the show and every single character ever. There certain characters I am intensely enthusiastic about (again, @yuichiroleftarm might know who I'm speaking of💀) But I could talk about it for hours👻🚽

•These two things specifically are things I could talk about forever, but there is some other things I like a lot, just not as much as these :3

Real Life details about Myself- Briefly Listed

•I'm actually aroace, but still, there are some characters I cannot speak regularly about without turning into a crazy fangirl simp💀

•Not too long ago I found out and got diagnosed with dyslexia, so sometimes I don't make any sense at all with spelling and grammar. It's my main reason for using autocorrect as well :)

•One of my parents is Japanese, making me part Japanese also🇯🇵 It's just a little fact I wanted to share❤️

•I'm a terrible public speaker🗣️ I don't like speaking in front of large groups, but online is a way different story as you all can tell.. I am a completely changed person online🫣

Favorite Characters-

❤️-Demon Slayer-❤️

•Obanai Iguro- I love his design and his character, personality, and backstory. I think he's a very well written character and has a lot more to him than being in love with Mitsuri🐍

•Kanao Tsuyuri- I also think she was well written and was really pretty and stuff, y'know :)🦋💜

•Muichiro Tokito- At first, I was drawn to him and literally fangirled over him for a really long time and read fan-fics about him💀 But then the energy died down a little bit :0 I still like him tho💙🌁

☂️-Komi Can't Communicate-☂️

•Komi Shouko- She reminds me a lot like myself with her social anxiety (expect mine isn't that bad) The show was really cute and she was probably my favorite because of.. everything :D

•I don't really remember a lot of the other characters, but I also thought Tadano was pretty silly and stuff heehe >:)

🔥-Chainsaw Man-🔥

•Pochita- Pochita is so silly and cute and silly and cute and I loved him.. Pochita is also very important so that's another reason aside from his silliness🧡

•Kobeni and Power- I thought Kobeni's whole reason for becoming a devil hunter in the first place was really sad and I felt bad for her, and I also just loved her scared and silly view of things. Power on the other hand is a character I love for her energy and personality. I was originally planning on being her for Halloween while my sister was going to be Makima, but things changed and she chose something else🥲

•Aki (forgor last name)- He's very bbg. All I have to say🔪🦊

🔪-Toilet-Bound Hanako-🔪

- (Warning! Simp Sakura up ahead!)

•This is what my mind is focused on 3/4 of my day. Just this show.. Do be warned, for all of my simp emotions will be taken out (mostly) on the upcoming list..

•Amane Yugi/Hanako- Loved both of them equally, given that they're technically two different people, but Amane holds a special place in my heart. His story was sad and traumatic, everything a good main character needs. Design, voice, story, character relationships, all of it. I love him❤️

•Kou Minamoto- Trying my best not to get too wild right now.. Literally every character in this show had an amazing English and Japanese voice, and he was probably one of my favorites. He is veeery bbg and deserves all of the love🎴

•Mitsuba Sousuke- Only @yuichiroleftarm knows what I mean when I say I love him.. The literal second he was introduced, it was like almost all of my mutuals with Muichiro.. Trust me when I say you don't wanna know how much I really love this guy.. I've said some things none of you guys will ever know🩷💀

•These are my top three, but if you ask me, pretty much everybody in the show is fine asf (Sakura swearing?) Still though, this probably surpassed my first love for Demon Slayer I'd say.. Still love both tho :')

------------------------------------------------------------

Closing Out

•This took way longer than it should have, but it was fun getting to write down a much more specific description about myself! Have a great day and stay safe out there :)))

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thelewdpokemanik · 1 year

Note

Miu is a very jealous person, and learning how she wasn’t top one in every Boy’s "want to fuck" list in the accademy ? She took it personally, so here she goes in a mad plan~..

Her first victim was going to be that nerd chiaki~.. she gave her a new video game that as the gamer girl will play it, she will get corrupt by it, changing her to the core, slowly turning the bubbly lazy girl into a toxic punk raging gamer, according her clothing style to her new persona, making her do super lewd lives on twitch, milking her comunity like simps~ and being overall a total bitch to handle~.. admittedly tho it did make her sexier for some, hajime ain’t really complaining considering how.. forward she tends to be as snatching what she wants.. and she wants him~

(The Hajime / chiaki can ne ignored but NO NTR)

Chiaki couldn't say she really understood Miu's reasoning. Trying to make sense of the Ultimate Inventor's motivations was already a mess and a half usually, but her gift and subsequent demand left Chiaki confused, though not overly suspicious.

Yes, Miu had almost outright told her that the game was basically an act of vengeance for some nebulous slight Chiaki hadn't understood. And yes, the inventor had practically admitted to hating the gamer.

But at the same time, Chiaki wasn't sure there was someone in this school Miu didn't talk to exactly like this.

And a game was a game, regardless of why Miu had given it to Chiaki.

And since the file didn't seem to have any kind of virus on it that her antivirus could find, she shrugged, and booted up her stream.

As soon as she did, viewers began flowing into her chat, but she didn't make much of an effort to acknowledge them. Chiaki knew some streamers grew tremendously popular by the sheer force of their personality, but the Ultimate Gamer didn't particularly care for popularity.

Not only that, but this wasn't that kind of stream.

This wasn't Chiaki Nanami's stream. It was the Ultimate Gamer's.

People came here to see her demolish games, learn tips and tricks, and sometimes try their own hand against her in online tournaments.

Chiaki played like a machine. She didn't give the chat much attention as she did, nor did she comment much. The only reason she even had a webcam was to prove she was the one playing, and sometimes explain precise button inputs that required an esoteric grip on a controller.

As the chat slowly filtered in, she opened up the game Miu had given her, and immediately, her gamer nerves warned her.

There was a shiver going down her spine, that warned her that this wasn't a fun game.

No, this was a game that followed a long legacy.

Cat Mario.

I Wanna Be The Guy.

And now, Chiaki's Ultimate Challenge.

A troll game, designed exclusively to make the player angry and ruin their day.

Chiaki could sense it in her bones, but she couldn't say she was opposed to such games.

She even had respect for those who made them. There was an art to them, a technique. You had to truly understand games and those who played them to systematically destroy them after all.

And Chiaki could appreciate the challenge. It was a battle of wits between her and the developer, both using their knowledge of the other to try and find and avoid their traps or lure her into one.

But did Miu have the know-how to make a satisfying one?

An hour later, Chiaki was, frustrated. It was a state of mind she wasn’t familiar with. Especially not while playing a game.

Only one way to find out.

- - -

Not even classic troll games could get her this riled up, nor could uber-difficult rage games. Because those games could be tamed.

Once she fell in a trap once, she wouldn’t fall in it the next go around, and inch by inch, step by step, she would conquer them.

But Chiaki’s Ultimate Challenge was a different beast. Miu was playing dirty, using every trick the Ultimate Inventor could come up with to ruin Chiaki’s night.

Frames dropped randomly, messing up her timing at the worst possible moment. Traps changed speed and position every time she died and reloaded the stage. The game was intentionally running poorly, making her monster of a pc run extremely hot, and making the gamer sweat enough that she had to ditch the jacket a quarter of an hour in.

Not to mention the way the screen obnoxiously flashed bright pink whenever the tiny pixelated Chiaki died, straining the real Chiaki's eyes something fierce, though she didn't dare look away from the screen for even a moment.

The music too was designed to annoy her she thought. The main track was high-pitched and annoying, but she was almost certain that there was a vocal track as well, but the mix was horrible. What she suspected to be a pitch-shifted synthesizer was drowning out the voice something fierce. Not enough to completely stomp it out, but Chiaki simply couldn't decipher a word it whispered in her headphones.

It wasn’t a challenge of skill, but of will. And Chiaki wasn’t used to being tested like this. A furrow was dug into her brow as she tried to concentrate on the infuriating game. Her button presses came harder and harder, and her jaw was clenched tight.

But it was all for naught. Once more, the platform at the very beginning of the level became intangible without any sense or warning, sending Chiaki back to the title screen with a bright pink flash that made her blink rapidly.

“Dammit!” She said, only to blush at the curse word.

And in response to the first curse word her viewers had ever heard from her, her frustration, and her death, her chat devolved into an indecipherable torrent of comments.

She spotted more than one mocking comment, but she ignored them, only feeding her growing frustration with them into the fire of her determination.

She wasn’t ready to give up yet. Despite Miu’s best efforts, Chiaki was still carving herself a path forward, death by death.

It took many hours, but Chiaki finally managed to crawl her way out of the first level. There was a limit to what a machine could come up with, and Chiaki had come to learn some of the patterns it fell into, allowing her to at least begin to consistently advance.

The real question was whether or not she’d keep her cool long enough to beat the first level.

- - -

For example, that first platform wasn’t as random as Chiaki had thought. It was timed. But not with, like, an internal clock, or a cycle, no.

The platform wasn’t tangible whenever her computer’s clock ended in a pair number.

Chiaki was back in a comfortable rhythm, though not a fun one. Once she managed to find those kinds of esoteric patterns, she could clear some traps, but most of them still evaded her. It was only her Ultimate Gamer’s instincts that had allowed her to come this far.

But this was the first time she saw the second stage, and of course, that meant another game over.

She sighed, but there was also a glimmer of hope in her chest. Progress was possible, at least. And she would clear this game if it took her a year of gaming every night on it.

With a hint of a smile on her lips, she rebooted the game, which of course, sent her back to the first level with the usual pink flash. She’d expected it.

What she hadn’t expected was for the first platform to be intangible even though it was 2:45:11 AM.

Chiaki’s blood ran cold. Like a madwoman, she tried, again and again, to land on it, making sure she wasn’t messing up the timing. But she wasn’t missing her window. It simply no longer existed.

The platform no longer followed the rule she’d discovered. Nor did any of the other traps she’d deciphered.

The patterns had changed once she’d reached the second level.

“FUCKING SHIT!” Chiaki yelled, throwing her controller against the wall, where it exploded into a dozen pieces.

She froze as she did, the sound like a cold shower falling atop her head. She ignored the torrent of comments her actions earned herself.

"F-Fudge." Chiaki forced herself to say, panting. She had jumped out of her seat as she'd thrown the controller, and she took a moment to center herself, panting while resting her hands on her hips, arching her back ever so slightly.

She could feel her shirt sticking uncomfortably to her skin as she did, her room having become a veritable sauna because of Miu's game. Sweat was making her hair stick to her forehead as she closed her eyes to calm herself, only for them to blink back open when her computer began jingling away.

Her head turned towards the monitor, only to blush at the feedback she saw there. Her sweat had turned her white shirt transparent, leaving her pink bra visible through the fabric. Not to mention the way her chest was heaving as she panted, drawing the eye towards her boobs even further.

And the jingles she'd been hearing-

'Nice curves Chi-chan~'

'U go gurl'

'Love seeing those gamer tits <3'

Messages were flashing across her screen. Not in the chat box where the rest of the chat was.

No, those were donations. All of them prompted by her unplanned show.

Chiaki could feel her blush heating her face.

Well, she no longer had a controller anyway. "I'm going to bed. Good night everyone, and th-thank you for the donations." She stuttered, before ending the stream and closing the screen, only to blink once more.

She was leaning down to reach her mouse and as such-

She could see the reflection of her deep cleavage on the darkened screen.

Her blush exploded as she realized how she'd looked as she ended the stream, before shaking her head with a sigh.

This night was a wash as far as she was concerned. Her controller was destroyed, she'd made a fool of herself, and she hadn't made any progress on Miu's fucking game-

She shook her head. Whatever. Clearly, Miu's program could only be called a game in the loosest definition of the term, and she didn't feel bad about saying it was awful and not worth her time.

She crashed atop her bed soon enough, the fatigue brought upon by the heat and the frustration soon pulling her under.

But sleep didn't offer her the rest she'd hoped. That annoying music had followed her in her dreams, as had the whispers and the pink flashes.

Even in her dreams, the flashes disoriented her, and though the whispers were louder, they were just as unintelligible as they had been when she’d been awake.

But even if she couldn't understand them, they were still omnipresent and loud in a way whispers shouldn’t be, drowning out every other one of her thoughts. The pink wasn’t helping her concentrate either.

The flashes came and went without rhyme or reason, assaulting her like flashbangs, as Chiaki tried to escape both them and the whispers. But it was futile. They were hounding her in this nightmare, as she ran without hope of outrunning them.

And when she woke up the next morning, she definitely felt like she’d spent the night running.

She was sweating like a pig, almost heaving her breathes, and worst of all-

That fucking song was stuck in her head.

Thankfully, the donations she'd received the night before had helped finance her new controller. She'd even had some left over to preorder a game she'd been looking forward to.

Chiaki squashed her face into her pillow, and screamed.

- - -

All in all, she was glad she'd gotten them, even if the means had been, well…

She shook her head. Whatever. She booted up the stream once her controller was properly set-up, only to blink when she saw the number of viewers.

It was far more than it had been yesterday evening. And judging from the chat…

Word had spread about what she'd accidentally shown off last night. And people were appreciating her having already taken off her hoodie. They were hoping for another show, which made Chiaki blush.

That wasn't her intention at all! She just knew how hot her room would get while she played Miu's game.

Whatever. Maybe this would mean she'd get more donations. At least let her get something from this shitty game.

She booted up the game, and leaned back in her chair as it loaded, watching the chat chug along.

The viewers were, well, horny was probably the word for it. They were already clamoring for her to undo a button or many, show off more of the cleavage that was hidden behind her tight shirt.

She blushed as she read the mix of lewd compliments and requests. The chat was apparently solidly empowered by its anonimity, and didn't hesitate to speak its mind.

"This isn't that kind of stream, you p-perverts." She mumbled, only to prompt a ding from her computer.

"Thank you for the dona-" Chiaki cut herself off as she read the message attached to the donation.

"We may be perverts, but we are perverts with money."

What an awful line. But a truthful one, it seemed. Chiaki blinked when she saw the amount that had just been sent.

100$. Just like that. Chiaki had made a hundred dollars for doing basically nothing. She blinked again, her mouth opening again to say, what? She didn't know.

Thankfully, her game finished loading at that moment, beginning to play the music she'd so grown to hate.

She felt herself frowning immediately, before settling in her seat, her brand-new controller in hand.

People who'd liked Chiaki swearing yesterday found themselves eating good tonight.

Playing this game wasn't fun. But she wanted to win. Badly.

- - -

"Goddamnit." The gamer girl bit out as her avatar fell through another platform. She ignored the jeers from her chat once again as she restarted all the way back to level one.

She'd reached a point where she could semi-consistently make her way to level 2, but progress was slow. But slow progress was still progress as Chiaki somehow managed to claw her way to the end of level 2.

Her computer was still chugging, prompting Chiaki to undo a couple of buttons from her shirt to try and survive the heat.

The couple of donations it earned her didn't hurt either.

A chat grabbed her attention amongst the deluge somehow.

'Maybe you should stick to showing off your tits instead of playing games lmao' someone said, making Chiaki's eyes do a double take.

Just in time for her character to run into an invisible enemy.

Died. Again. Because of that asshole.

And the screen flashed again, and that stupid fucking music somehow got even louder, grating against Chiaki’s ears, against her fucking thoughts-

Chiaki grit her teeth, clenched her fists tightly enough that the plastic of the controller creaked under her fingers, though she could barely hear it over the music, the flashes, and the avalanche of chatters-

She breathed in, trying to calm back down, but all it did was send a shot of oxygen into the fire of her anger, immediately burning away the familiar voice in her heart trying to convince her to be the bigger person.

"FUCKING GODDAMNIT! YOU MISOGYNISTIC PIECE OF SHIT!" Chiaki screamed, throwing her controller atop her bed, where it landed with a wholly unsatisfying poomf. She stood up, making her chair roll away behind her as she dove onto her keyboard.

It was a matter of seconds to find the chat again, not hesitating a moment to pull up his profile.

Th3oK1ll3r.

This dumb motherfucker.

"I should just stick to showing off my tits, Theo? Why, so you can jack off your needle dick? How about you stick to being a useless little CUCK! Think about that the next time you look up my stream before touching your microdick!" Chiaki yelled, before banning the chatter, to the jeers and applause of her audience.

She panted once she'd done so, her chest heaving with exertion, sweat running down her forehead and back.

She- had never gotten this angry. Ever.

And she felt great.

There was a gigantic weight that had suddenly lifted itself from her chest, and she fell back in her chair with a smile on her face.

No, not a smile- There was a satisfaction, a slight edge of sadism that pierced through, making it appear as a wholly uncharacteristic smirk.

She blinked when her computer dinged again, announcing a new donation.

5,00$

‘Im sorry please unban me’

By Th3oK1ll3r.

Chiaki giggled slightly, which quickly turned into a chuckle, and then full-bellied laughter.

She could just imagine Theo’s fucking face as he sent her his hard-earned cash, dick forgotten in hand as he begged pathetically for some of her attention.

A small nugget of pity welled up inside of her momentarily, but she crushed it mercilessly, aided by the music and the lights that were still flashing for some reason, despite Chiaki no longer playing.

She sat up in her chair.

“You think your pocket change is gonna make me unban you? That might be enough to pay your mom for a night, but I’m not a whore like her. How about you either put your money where your mouth is or get the fuck off my stream, Baby Dick?” Chiaki declared mockingly, leaning to the side to pick up her controller once more.

She took a moment to breathe as she did. Her heart was pounding like crazy, and she couldn’t get her smile off her face. Again, that annoying, nagging voice came around to try and make her apologize for lambasting the anonymous viewer, but the catchy tune quickly drowned it out once more.

The shitty loop was at least good for something, Chiaki had to admit. She might have to put it on her phone or something.

She rose back up, controller in hand when she heard another ding.

Th3oK1ll3r, with another 5,00$.

She made sure not to even acknowledge it, much to the derision of her chat.

Instead, she began playing once more, a smirk still pulling at her lips as she did.

The weight her angry release had freed her from hadn’t yet returned and didn’t seem eager to do so either.

Chiaki’s Ultimate Challenge had never tasted so sweet than with Theo’s desperate donations ringing every so often in her ears, and by the time she left the stream, she told Theo she’d think about unbanning him.

Over the next several streams, Chiaki’s viewers were greeted with the fruit of Theo’s money, not to mention all the other desperate donors that had grown to follow the Ultimate Gamer.

Maybe after a few more hundred dollars.

- - -

Chiaki had been so happy with herself, so light after that fateful stream, she’d been eager to embrace this newfound mentality of hers.

Gone were the pastel sweaters and oversized clothes. Instead, tight black clothes that made her pale skin pop and her curves all the more pronounced were practically painted on, not to mention the actual paint on her face. Her top revealed an ocean of cleavage deep enough to drown in.

“More than enough to completely swallow the cocklet of any of my viewers…” Chiaki mumbled to herself, pulling at the rim of her tank top and revealing even more skin.

She was still gaming, but she was only paying half attention to the game, instead focusing much more closely on the chat, scanning the influx of new messages with the eyes of a hawk, waiting for her prey to present itself.

And soon enough, a baby-dicked virgin appeared, eager to try and act confident online where no one knew just how much of a cuck they were in real life.

‘How about you stop pretending and actually take off your top?’

Like a lioness pouncing on a gazelle, Chiaki pivoted towards her second monitor, pulling up the user who’d dared speak up.

“Oh, I should stop pretending, AnimeLov3r? Maybe you should stop pretending this isn’t the first time you’ve spoken to a girl in months, and shut the fuck up! Here, I’ll help you out. You’re banned for a week! Take that time to get out of your coomer cave and go talk to a girl other than your mom! Though if that’s too hard for you, just stay here, jacking off your needledick to a girl who’ll never give you the time of day!”

Immediately, Chiaki felt the music’s pounding grow even heavier in her ears, and the pink flashes made her eyes flutter in pleasure. Her thighs squeezed tightly together, rubbing against her core as she rode the high of newfound sadism.

She found that the annoying voice from before was now almost completely gone. Or rather, it had changed its tune somewhat.

‘Who gives a shit what I say to stupid fucking simps? All they’re good for is sending me their check every month. Perverts probably get off to the insults too, like the masochistic betas they are.’

Chiaki found this new train of thought much more agreeable. It fit in quite well with the flashy pink decor and the background music that never quite seemed to go away…

Chiaki blinked rapidly as she heard the doorbell ring.

She felt her heart pick up the pace, her cheeks heating up slightly, a genuine smile stretching her lips.

She’d invited Hakime to come visit her today. After multiple months of procrastinating and hesitating, the two teenagers constantly rocking on the edge of actually becoming a couple, it seemed the Regular Course Student had taken Chiaki’s new wardrobe and attitude as the invitation it was when it came to real men, unlike her army of simps.

And now, he was going to help her branch out in her career.

“Okay losers, my boyfriend just got here. He’s actually got a dick worth something unlike the rest of you, and he’ll be using it to fuck me all night long, so stream’s over.”

That said, Chiaki ‘forgot’ to turn the stream off, and left the room, making sure the webcam got a great view of her ass swaying under her tight skirt as she did.

No doubt the way Hajime would make her scream would make for a great publicity stunt for her burgeoning OnlyFans to all of her cuck viewers who would stick around and masturbate to what a real man was capable of.

#TheLewdPokeManik's Stories #ChiakiNanami18 #ask response #cowedeacumootsu #ai art #CW: mind control

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zootopiathingz · 4 months

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I love tumblr, its the only place I can say “Mario is hot” and no one will bat an eye

#no cuz if I said this shit anywhere else everybody would be like 😐🫤#instagram would probably give me a death threat or two bc people on there suck #but HERE my thirst for this Italian plumber is welcomed with open arms #and I love y’all for that😌#mario #it’s simping for mario hours #lady luxo rambles

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flowergirlmiwa · 6 months

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games I wish I had when I was a kid!

Yu-Gi-Oh The Eternal Duelist Soul

This was one of the best selling games on the GBA, but I got Dark Duel Stories on GBC instead. Eventually I got 7 Trials to Glory, a mixed bag of a game I nonetheless hold dear to my heart, but I wish I had EDS as a kid. EDS is the perfect game to be the first YGO game on GBA. The spelltraps are massive blowouts, caveman Yu-Gi-Oh is in full effect, and the cardpool is both small and nostalgic. EDS (or the original Japanese release) was the first video game that actually tried to follow the rules of the real world OCG/TCG card game and it did a pretty good job along with a clean presentation, great music and flavorful decks to grind against. Plus the packs you pull from are mostly based on real Japanese card sets! Basically I admire a lot about what this game did in 2002 and in a potential world where I got it alongside my GBA SP in 2003 I would have been set for years. Instead I got... Dark Duel Stories in late 2003 around the time I got my GBA SP, and that game is .. not as worth investing time into. Oh yeah and it has a cute calendar system with weekly matches at the duel shop and oooo it's just such a cute game!

Goldeneye 007

I didn't have a lot of N64 games as a kid, but out of all my regrets on the console, I easily missed out the most not owning Goldeneye. Now I can appreciate it as basically the Super Mario 64 of first person shooters and imagine that, even though I only owned one controller, those levels would have kept me coming back again and again obsessively for hours. I can just imagine how I would have organically find the island on Dam by myself and wondered what was out there. I never had that chance

Super Smash Bros Melee

Throughout the early 00s I had various nostalgic experiences playing the original Super Smash Bros, and eventually I craved very dearly to play it's sequel. Literally all I could tell you is that it had (Scott the Woz voice) "a freaky STORY MODE! now that's cool!" and you could play as Bowser. It looked so damn cool but I didn't have a GameCube. I would have dreams about playing this game I knew very little about. I actually can guarantee I read about the Sonic and tails in melee rumor before I had seen more than an hours worth of gameplay in my life (all through playing demos in 2002).

When did I actually get a GameCube? 2007. I actually remember visiting Nintendo World NY in 2006 right before release of the Wii and playing Melee on one of their demo kiosks (and wind waker for the first time ever, notably). I got my hands on a GameCube in summer 2007 thanks to a friend of my dad's and pretty much the first thing I did was go to the still surviving Hollywood Video in The City and rent melee. Now considering I was 12 the first time I got to extensively play melee and really enjoy it, you could say I was still a child and that's true. I wish I somehow had a GameCube around 2004 and got to play it then though. Look, things felt different in my life then, it wasn't the same kind of feeling to me. By the time I got to play it I didn't really have that childish exuberance and excitement. Plus I got a Wii that same year for Christmas so my overall excitement for the GameCube was muted lol.

The Simpsons: Hit and Run

I would have gobbled this up as a kid even if not the biggest fan of the simps, if I had gotten this at release for PS2 I could imagine I would have spent many hours playing it

Pokemon Stadium 2

As a kid I desperately wished I had this game and rented it a bunch of times. When I discovered you could emulate N64 I spent most of my time doing so playing this game. I eventually got my own real copy around 2019 but considering I would leave the first game on for days on end I would have loved to have had stadium 2 as a kid. Plus it actually has single player content and provides plenty to people without use of a transfer pak too! I was fascinated by the updates as a kid renting the game

#my post #might do more someday if I think of more

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axverelalol · 1 year

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Bowser x Fem!!1! Reader Chapter 3

sorry for not writing i got kinda lazy and forgot about it, and due to school and stress and other shit but anyway i’ll start writing more and just suggest any x readers thanks! (also i kinda forgot the story line tho i do have the last chapter under this one aka in my notes app where im writing at so it may or may not make sense at first) btw heres something if u dont know it already but ok

N/N = Nickname

F/C = Favorite Color

F/V = Favorite Vehicle

D/C = Dress Color

H/C = Hair Color

E/C = Eye Color

V/C = Vehicle Color

yeah im not gonna continue cause yk laziness

WARNING ⚠️ - chapter Cursing, Blood, Betrayal

Y/N POV

its been a hour since the.. yk- i’ve walked around still looking for roma since he was up to….Something. and im still scared knowing about the so called ‘Wine’ after that you reached roma near a room then.. “ROMA!? ROMA WAIT-“ and with that said, roma left. i questioned why he always ignores me…

maybe its because i left for 4 years?

maybe its because i ignored him when he tried to talk to me?

Maybe its because i left the mansion?

maybe its because i never said goodbye…?

maybe its because….i dont know….. i arrived to where roma was and there was a note on the door saying…

Hey N/N! Sorry for yk- But moving on! this is where you’ll find the F/C Dress At! And theres…. Other..things you might just need…THO IM NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT BUT ITS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! tho we may never see each other again..But lets save the goodbyes for later! But anyways stay save N/N! who knows what else lies..ahead!

Love Roma~

Huh…what does he mean by… “We May Never See Each Other Again…?” i was very confused but i walked in the room seeing a F/C Dress with Red Pearls On The Top and The Dress Itself Had Sharp Pearls That looked like…teeth? idk.. then i saw my name on it “N/N”… Huh..? whatever

After putting on the dress

wait..How does Roma know my dress si- Oh, right i told him before prom night for me since he was gonna surprise me…i miss him alot- but anyways i walk out the room almost tripping on those goth punk metal Black and white boots with spikes(or pearl spikes if you know what it is-) you get near a door with spikes and spiked pearls on the door saying ‘N/N’s R00m’ “Huh..?” you shrugged it off then walked in and saw who you thought you would never see again….”FELIX?!??!11!?”

“Long time no see! Y/N…..” suddenly everything went black…

did Felix just..

betrayed you..?

FELIX POV

i hated betraying people, especially if its...Y/N..but hey? she deserved it! b!tch left without saying goodbye. and said one time she’ll come back and its been 17 years…pathetic. finally i dragged her to her bed in my Yk, human form… Y/N Slowly opened her eyes so i had to leave quickly in my Yk form.

(Small pov ikik im not good at them if it isnt Y/N’s Pov)

Y/N POV

I Woke up in..My room?- i dont know anymore. i got up and looked around, the carpet was blood pink (or whatever color it is?) and the walls were pinkish blood red (stop dont bully me i dont know my damn colors just pretend i meant theres blood on the walls and carpet and whatever else im gonna put) i saw a broken mirror with hello kitty case around it..they knew my favorite Sanrio character..? (if u dont like hello kitty then pretend its someone else like Melody or Cinnominroll or Kuromi or whatever) i looked into the mirror and i saw..a whole different version of me..dark hair, red eyes, and horns (like tords but longer aka eddsworld character i simp for but ANYWAY-) … what happened to me..? and there was blood on the side of my face then…i felt a sharp pain in my back..and blood came out my mouth and everything darkened….no..i cant..die..Mario.. Peach..Rose…Daisy.. Luigi…? am i.. dying….? then everything went black..

Short chapter, yeah get used to it im lazy. this isnt even a x reader anymore this is just death itself 😭

#bowser x reader #super mario #x y/n #x fem!reader

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cnohpytxyz · 7 months

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HHL 4

prologue | HHL1 | HHL2 | HHL3

synopsis: C deals with her heat while her bond is near by, Ben struggles to feel safe in his new home, Terry misses C.

word count: 5598

genre: werewolves, my own take on A/B/O, female OCs, domestic bullshit

warnings: s*xual themes, pretty graphic bl**d/c*m descriptions, pessimistic thoughts (not extreme), mentions of gay s*x in a poor light, weird ass simping from multiple characters

notes: while editing this ff I was trying to think of a way to pass the bechdel test. imagine my surprise (/s) when I reread and find I passed it in the first chapter .-. guess it's not as hard as some people think it is.

~/*\~

This is torture. C thought as she was tossed into the nth scenario of the week.

Someone—probably Beah—thought it would be funny to set her bond up in an apartment near her heat room. He couldn't have been far. C supposed he was in the octagon, maybe a thousand or so yards away. If she had a window, she might have been able to see into his new home.

Thank God she couldn't.

Ben had moved in about a week after their initial meet and, for the past five days, he'd been dreaming up various ways to fuck his brains out...

…and hers, much to her dismay.

After the first day, C was grateful when the sun went down, assuming he’d be going to sleep. And he did. He definitely slept, but apparently his unconscious mind was just as thirsty because the following few hours were a miserable mix of lust and absurdity who in their right mind considered Cats: the Musical fap material that couldn’t quite get her to cum.

It had been years since she’d had sex—not that it bothered her most days—but that night she found herself clawing at the thick metal door, begging to be released from her prison. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, now that she was a little more clear headed) the room was soundproofed, so no one heard her desperation.

She had never cried from an orgasm before, but, holy hell, C found herself downright sobbing when Beomgyu finally released into his hand at 4AM that first night, her own orgasm flowing in sync. Some time during the following days, she had tried to close the bond only to fail time after time. She didn’t know if it was because of his proximity or because of her own weakness, but there was no stopping the images from flooding her mind. Those nights were miserable.

Tonight didn’t seem like it would be much better, but, luckily for her, Terry and Kai had taken Beomgyu to explore the compound for the day. The few hours she got alone helped her calm down a bit. She tentatively tried to close the bond.

No dice.

C felt desperate tears prick her lash line as she realized there'd be at least three more days of various sexual scenarios she couldn’t control if she got turned on by Sonic and Mario one more time she might lose her damn mind.

Usually her knotting dildo (specially made to take care of Lupina heats) would do the job just fine. It wasn’t enough to satisfy the mating urge, but it kept her skin from burning.

Now though…

Sigh…

Now it was useless. Granted, she hadn’t been satisfied during a heat in a long ass time and Beomgyu’s fantasies certainly delivered, but, damn, the time and images it took to get there was the absolute worst. It felt like she was back in Russia and strapped to that table again… deprived of touch with satisfaction just out of reach.

She shook her head. It was useless to focus on those things now, and it wasn’t like it was completely awful.

Just a little awful. A smidgen of… awful.

A moan cut through her thoughts and C belatedly realized she was on the verge of another orgasm. Even when she tried to focus on other topics, Beomgyu had her body in a chokehold. But if his fantasies were any suggestion, she wasn’t the only one.

No pun intended, she vaguely thought, as the image of her hand around his throat consumed her thoughts. She could almost feel his pulse under her palm when she leaned down to whisper in his ear, “You like that, pup? ” C groaned, gritty with lust and a good helping of cringe (she’d find time to gag at those words later), suddenly very thankful for her upcoming “business trip”.

She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to look him in the eye without either combusting or punching him in the face and, ironically, the gunpowder excursion would give her time to cool off.

Seconds later C felt a familiar tensing shoot through her spine, signaling her release. And then…

And then?

…

There was supposed to be more.

There was usually more.

C directed her attention inwards again, brows furrowed in concern, only to be met with darkness. Was he that tired? More silence followed and she groaned in relief.

She closed her eyes and took a breath before sitting up on the now ridiculously wet mattress. Her mattress protector had mostly abandoned its post and now laid on the floor, only a single corner desperately clinging on. She had done away with any sheets on the second day, a decision she was now unsure of seeing how much blood and cum came out of her. Then again, a thin sheet wouldn't have made much of a difference. Not to mention the dried red clumps already made her skin crawl, a whole sheet of crunch might make her pass out.

A finger slid up her thigh on impulse, catching a trail of cum and blood before it joined the rest of the abominable puddle, and her face twisted in a grimace. C fought the urge to fling her whole self into the trash can, reasoning that it wouldn’t be any cleaner.

Disgusting. She sat on the edge of the bed for a moment before a yawn prompted her to stand. For the past five days Beomgyu had tormented her to the point of exhaustion and she’d only gotten some sleep while he was out that morning. She supposed more fantasies would follow later, but for now she felt normal—dehydrated as hell and more tired than she’d ever been since the change, but normal nonetheless. C glanced back at the bed, debating the pros and cons of sleeping in a puddle of her own fluids again.

Turning away with a sigh, she let her disgust win. A shower was certainly in order, but she should probably take care of the mess first. After kicking the blankets to a corner—a cleaner would take care of them once she left—she grabbed her water bottle with one hand, flipping the mattress over with the other.

C sighed at the hassle of replacing the bloody, cum-soaked monstrosity, but there was no helping it. Usually two mattress protectors would do, the blood being her only concern during previous heats, but in the wake of her thrashing, they were utterly useless. Flipping the bed would do for now and maybe later she could find a way to attach a protector to the mattress.

Snaps maybe? Whatever. She could pour over the specifics later. Right now, there was a hot shower calling her name.

~/*\~

When Ben opened his eyes in the morning he had expected to be hard already. His morning wood had gotten significantly worse during the time he’d spent at the HHL—something he blamed on that stupid Alpha—and his midnight fantasies were relentless. But today, it seemed he was off the hook.

For the first time in a while he just laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. There was definitely something wrong with him. He’d always been on the hornier side of things, but every day?

It was starting to wear on him and a lingering disgust tickled the back of his mind every time he came down from his high. But that only served to make him angrier. Why should he be the one to feel disgusted? They made him like this. Why was he the only one who felt how wrong it was?

And that damned Lupus. She just had to save him like a knight in shining fucking armor. And then she had the audacity to smile at him like that. He would sue.

If that was even an option. He doubted it, but surely he should get some remuneration for how often thoughts of her consumed his mind and his dick. It was straight up unfair of her to monopolize his head like that, especially since he’d only seen her twice.

Ben groaned and tossed his left arm over his face. He was such a fucking simp. A simp for a girl who didn’t even seem interested.

…

Ok, maybe that was a lie, he thought while her last expression flew through his mind. For a moment she looked like Sasha. He couldn’t help but overlap their images, but in the next instant C looked at him like she’d wronged him some how. He almost felt guilty.

But then he caught himself.

Why should he feel guilty for his thoughts? It’s not like she could read his mind. And even if she could, that didn’t mean he was in the wrong.

…

Damnit, so fucking guilty and for what?

Ben groaned again and decided to let it go. She wasn't even around for him to vent his frustration on, so any more thoughts would just be letting her win. And he refused to let her win. The bitch would be so smug if she knew what he was thinking.

He could see it now—the cocky smirk, the raised eyebrow, if he was lucky, maybe some tongue…

Fuck . The now moderately turned on human sniffed delicately. He really needed to get a grip on his thoughts. All this thinking was draining and he had shit to do.

Not that it was important shit, but it was shit that would keep his hand away from his dick and his mind off that damned Alpha.

Kai and Taehyun (Terry now, Ben corrected himself) would be dropping by soon to help him shower and get away from the musty apartment-esque residence. Yesterday had been great. He missed his friends immensely, their unknown fates often being his biggest source of comfort while he was pressed under some “patron” in the early morning hours.

Now that he knew half of them had better fates than him, he was both relieved and slightly jealous. Why did they get years of safety, when all he got was unresolvable trauma?

Ben clicked his tongue. There it was, that ridiculous sense of guilt creeping in again.

It wasn’t like he wanted them to go through what he did, but it felt so unfair. If only he hadn’t hidden when C searched the street back then. If only he had grabbed her attention at the start, then he wouldn’t have all these complicated emotions. He wouldn’t be so broken. He wouldn’t feel so ashamed to be in his friends' presence. He wouldn’t feel so disgusted with himself.

Even if he had reacted just slightly slower maybe… maybe he could have ended up like Kai rather than like Ben.

But he was Ben.

…

Now he was Ben...

And there was nothing he could do to change the past. Fuck it.

Maybe he couldn’t change the past, but surely he could change the future… right?

Hang on. Ben’s eyes widened in shock. That was almost a positive thought. A strange sense of pride rushed through him and he couldn’t help but smile. It must be the air here. He took a deep sniff only to be attacked by a sneeze, the sharp motion jerking his body and making him squeak in pain.

Ben laid on the bed for a few minutes, furrowed brows and stilted breaths taking over his mind. Whoever said emotional pain was worse than physical, should be shot, Ha! He snorted at the double meaning only to follow it up with a sharp gasp of pain. He bit his lip and fought the urge to laugh or snort or breathe or slam his fist into his own face to see if that was less painful.

What time was it? A glance at the clock told him it had only been a few minutes since he woke up. Great. Depressing thoughts at the speed of light. Just what he needed. More time to overthink. The human mind was truly incredible.

Whatever, Kai and Tae–Terry would be showing up soon. Maybe he should try and get up. The nurse told him it would take a few weeks to a few months to recover—and not to move without help—but he was tired of waiting on people to come to him. He could at least sit up.

Moving his good arm into position, he attempted to push himself upright. Attempted being the key word. It wasn’t entirely the fault of his wounds, he was just too weak to support himself and the pain took out the rest of his strength. The Quickshot Alliance didn’t let him do much while he was there, letting him wither away as they pleased. It wasn’t like he needed physical strength to get pounded in the ass anyway.

Now that he was here though, he supposed they would let him work out, or at least walk around freely. The management here didn’t seem inclined to use his body for their own gain. No, they seemed more likely to let C take what she wanted. It’s not like anyone else in the New World had the power to stop her.

Maybe a few powers overseas could do it, but in the Americas, the HHL reigned supreme.

Ben wondered how they came into power so quickly. He distinctly remembered his first encounter with them being only weeks after the outbreak aired on tv. He was no expert, but that seemed like a remarkably fast time to set up a whole society and secure it enough that they could go scouting for people without worrying about raiders/werewolves.

He could definitely be wrong… but… did they have something to do with the apocalypse? Did they cause it? Did they send the world spiraling just so they could play hero? Was he even safe here?

Here.

Damn.

He was really here. Like actually, physically here. He pushed aside his fears and let a tear trickle down his cheek. He could finally confirm his friends’ lives, but his thoughts wouldn’t let him rest. The alliance wouldn’t come for him, would they? Would the HHL give him up if Nocturne threatened them?

He scoffed at the intrusive thought. Nocturne wouldn’t even try to threaten the HHL. He was too much of a coward and Ben wasn’t worth that much anyway. Then again, he was their “prized bitch”. Maybe they wouldn’t outright threaten, but they might infiltrate the HHL to steal him back.

Ben shook his head, trying to clear his head. Alright, all he needed to do was get buff fast. Yeah. He nodded with an absurd amount of conviction. That was a solid plan.

…

Or it would have been a solid plan, if he hadn’t been fucking shot, he reminded himself. Maybe he should convince Kai or C to bite him. He doubted they would be convinced, but if he used his body, he might get an edge on C.

He stopped himself. That was a very dangerous line of thinking. Fantasies were fine, but the actual act might make him throw up. But if it keeps me safe. He tried to brush the little devil off his shoulder, but the damned thing chose his good one and shrugging didn't do much to dislodge the bastard.

He sighed, eyes screwing shut to block his thoughts from taking over. It was gonna take awhile to get rid of that thing. He refused to accept it was his own mind. He wouldn’t betray himself like that.

“Knock knock.” The door slammed open before Ben could respond, nearly startling him into a ball. A reflex that didn’t go unnoticed by the men that walked through.

Kai pounced on the bed laughing at the older man’s clear overreaction, “Did we scare you, 형?” Ben felt himself slip into another headspace as he laughed back, the floating feeling offering a mix of comfort and anxiety. Whatever response he managed to force out didn’t raise any flags with Kai, but Terry was different.

Terry was suspicious. Ben could tell by the intent stare, but why was he suspicious? Or should the question start with what? His pondering threatened to pull him down from his high and for a brief moment he struggled against it.

Until he realized there was no reason to fight. He was safe. The boys might have startled him, but they weren’t going to hurt him at all. His conversation with Kai got more stilted as he eased himself down, but the naïve Lupus still didn’t notice anything. Terry, on the other hand, was only growing more concerned.

At least Ben hoped it was concern. The look he was getting could have been a death glare for all he knew. Out of his two old friends, Terry had changed the most. He was missing a leg and the scar tearing from the corner of his mouth to his upper cheek gave him a predatory vibe. If Ben didn’t know any better, he’d have thought that Terry was the Lupus.

“Hey Kai, could you go grab the wheelchair?” Ben almost sagged in relief when Terry looked away. “I’ll get Ben into the shower.”

The tall as fuck Lupus pouted, but didn’t hesitate to obey, and Ben was struck with the anxiety of being left alone with Terry. A truly terrifying thought.

It wasn’t just the younger’s scars that intimidated him. It was also everything else. The height—Terry was probably taller than him now—and the absolutely ripped physique were just cherries on top. Seriously though, Ben didn’t doubt that Terry could lift him with one arm.

A thought that was proven true mere seconds later when said human slipped an arm under his torso and brought him to the edge of the bed in one smooth motion. His anxious thoughts were put to rest at the gentleness of the much larger man’s actions.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The anxiety came rushing back. Ben looked at Terry, the younger man now squatting in front of him. He struggled to school his expression, refusing to let himself slip back into his other headspace. It was a lot harder to control his face when he was so present with it.

“Talk about what?” He said it with a laugh, but the reply was too late and the laugh was too hollow for it to seem natural.

Terry watched him with the same eyes as earlier, this time he could tell it was concern. Ben chewed his lip and looked away, the familiar guilt slipping back down his throat to pool in his stomach.

A sigh brought his attention back and his gaze followed Terry as he stood up. “You don’t have to tell me what you went through, but you should tell someone. If you need a counselor, just let me know. I’ll arrange one for you.”

“You have counselors here?” Ben’s mouth gaped in disbelief. It was almost unreal how much the HHL could offer their residents. And to think that just anyone could walk up and ask for refuge. It made him wonder why people didn’t flock here by the hundreds.

Terry smiled and Ben was hit with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. “We have just about everything here. Beah and C made this place into a haven.” He sat next to Ben, staring ahead as he continued. “There’s a few missing perks here and there, but they’ve really tried to gather everything one could possibly need.”

He seemed very proud of his home. Ben didn’t have to wonder why.

And there it is. The taste of vinegar sat heavy on his tongue, and he couldn’t hold back a quick jab. “If it’s so perfect, why aren’t there more people here?”

Terry glanced at him from the corner of his eye, but Ben refused to look his way. “We went under a lock down of sorts about a month ago.” He hurried to complete his thought before the elder male could interrupt. “We usually lock down around the time of the Lunar New Year, since the Lupi get pretty restless around now, but it’s looking like it’ll be a longer lock down.” The scarred man sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “The HHL has a lot of resources and therefore a lot of enemies. It hasn’t really mattered before, but now there’s rumors of a larger anti-HHL alliance gathering, so Beah is deciding to keep the gates closed for now.”

Ben nodded in understanding, but then a thought hit him. “Wait, then how did I get in? Was it just because I’m injured? Will you be throwing me back out once I’m better?” He couldn’t keep his thoughts from spiraling, but Terry’s laughter cut through the fog like a knife through butter.

“We’re not going to throw you out again.” He made it sound ridiculous. What was the point of a lock down then, if they were just going to let in whoever anyway? “We don’t let in just whoever, dumbass.” The words were followed by a huff and Terry leaned back on the bed. “C brought you back and C can do whatever the hell she likes around here.” Ben sensed a hint of something darker from his friend.

“What’s your relationship with C?” He swore he didn’t mean to come off as a pissed off boyfriend, but it just happened. It was that damned Alpha’s fault—always up in his head like she owned the place. It was straight up unfair. Why couldn’t he have the same power over her?

…

Did he have the same power over her? Should he… ask?

No, that would be stupid. Even if he asked, he doubted she’d tell him honestly.

“I’m sort of the honorary Beta.” Terry’s reply cut through his thoughts at just the right time. But honorary?" C is the Alpha, which is both a title and a… I guess you could call it a personality trait. But since I'm not Lupi, Beta's only an honorary title. She’s been trying to turn me for around a year now, but there’s too many drawbacks to it."

Wow. Where to start?

“I’m back!” A loud thud followed the equally loud voice and Ben’s door swung open with a slam, revealing his youngest friend pushing a standard wheelchair. Whatever thought process he was working through got cut short by Kai’s second dramatic entrance of the day—he imagined there would be at least two more.

“Alright.” Terry slapped his knees and stood up, the acquired action almost enough to make Ben laugh. He didn't though. There were too many questions floating about his head.

"Why does C need a Beta? Why are you Beta? Why don't you want to be Lupi? Why isn't Kai Beta? Why did she choose you?" He didn't mean for that last one to come out, but it ended up slipping. Was that jealousy?

Kai and Terry stared down at him from their intimidating heights, seemingly confused, and Ben wondered which question did it.

It was probably the last one. Did they sense his jealousy? He debated throwing a "nevermind" at the tail end, but too many seconds had passed for it to seem natural.

Then again did "nevermind" ever seem natural when it followed a string of questions?

"Let's get you showered first." Terry ended up being the one to speak. "I'll be joining you in the greenhouse for a bit today. There's plenty of time to talk then."

Ben debated demanding immediate answers, but decided against it. He needed that shower and it was doubtful there'd be an end to his questions.

And so he nodded and let the other human princess carry him to the shower stool.

~/*\~

As soon as they entered the apartment, Terry knew something was up. The flinching, the glazed eyes, the slightly off breathing, all of it pointed to some serious mental issues. Terry had his finger on PTSD, but he was no psychiatrist.

Ben hadn't talked much about the past five years, but, with the way he reacted to his given name and the various other signs of trauma, it couldn't have been a good time.

Terry wasn't sure if he wanted to know or not, but he offered his ear anyway. It was honestly a surprise when he'd found out Ben was C 's bond, but that wasn’t the only reason he’d be taking care of the older male. His malnourished friend brought back both the best and the worst kind of nostalgia, and he wasn’t about to let the last time they saw each other become his last memory.

It wasn't going to be easy though. With the Alpha locked up in her heat room during the Lunar New Year, the HHL Lupi were quickly spiraling out of his control and required near 24/7 supervision. Kai was able to help on occasion, but he was nearly just as useless as Terry.

The pure rage he had to weather when he told them the Lunar New Year ceremony would be postponed had him shaking in his boot. Not to mention he had no one to celebrate his birthday with. That one probably sucked the most.

Though he told Ben that there were more drawbacks than positives to becoming Lupi, he was nearing the end of his rope. C had to find a Beta quickly, but there wasn't anyone she could trust enough with the role besides himself and so, they found themselves caught in a vicious cycle.

Terry didn't realize how bad things had gotten until he found himself lacking an Alpha, but now that he thought back on it, C hadn't left the compound for more than a day in recent months—starting around the time of the Lupi boom. Before then, she spent more than 2/3rds of the year away from the HHL.

It was only when she spent an entire month without any distant excursions that Terry thought something was up, but she waved away his concerns, saying it was just the natural progression of things. He had taken it to mean that the HHL no longer needed her to track down new talents—that they had enough professionals in the mix. But that wasn't the case at all.

There were too many Lupi now.

Going away for more than a day or two would leave them volatile and prone to attacking the humans. Luckily the Lupi could still sense her presence on the compound or Terry wouldn’t know what he would have done. It made sense why she was getting so pushy about turning him. He almost felt guilty for rejecting her so often.

Almost. It still wasn't worth it and he wasn't going to be guilted into becoming Lupi. C didn't—wouldn't—want him to change just because he felt bad for her. If she did, she would have told him how much she was struggling.

Speaking of which, he wasn't too happy she left him in the dark. He understood her motivations, but at the same time the secret left a bad taste in his mouth. They usually told each other everything, but what else was she hiding from him?

Was this how she felt every time he turned her down? Like he was building a wall or drawing a line in the sand. He could almost hear her say it. I'm not like you. It didn't usually bother him this much.

He wasn't like her. That was the point. But he was her rock, wasn't he? Maybe not, now that he thought about it.

Damn, what a time for depressing thoughts—naked with his buddies in the shower.

Terry bit the tip of his tongue, trying to focus on getting Ben clean without hurting him. It really, really wasn't the time to think about C.

And definitely not the time to release her from her heat room to ask for a hug. Not unless he wanted to get bitten, and he was still certain about staying human.

He still really wanted that hug though. What day was it? He vaguely remembered throwing a tantrum almost two weeks ago and then getting dragged out of his bedroom by Kai a few days later. If she went in on the day he isolated himself, then he had three more days till he could get that hug.

A gasp from Ben drew him out of his thoughts, and Terry realized he had the older boy's arm at a weird angle. "Sorry." Gently lowering it, he placed the soap back on the shelf and pulled the shower head down to rinse his seated friend off.

"Whachu thinkin' about?" Ben looked up at the younger boy in pure curiosity—a look Terry was very familiar with. The accent, however, was definitely something he had to get used to. He didn't remember such a drastic change when he reunited with Kai, but it seemed Ben picked up a significantly Californian tone. It was pretty similar to C’s American accent now that he thought about it, though her Russian origins occasionally slipped through the cracks.

"He's probably thinking about C and how he wants to huug and kiiis-" Kai was gagged with a soapy loofa to the mouth as Ben looked on, eyes widened in disbelief.

"What was that about?" Morbid curiosity flickered dangerously in the eldest boy's eyes and Terry knew he'd be in for it if he didn't share.

But he didn't want to share. How was he supposed to explain their relationship to her bond? It felt vaguely wrong, like they were cheating on him. They weren't, but trying to explain his Lupi behavior to a human when he wasn't Lupi…

Maybe he should take C up on her offer. Then again, if he was like this now, he'd be especially clingy once he was turned. She wasn't even his bond.

Yeah, no. He'd add that to the list of "reasons to stay human". No need to wedge himself in between such a happy couple. He snorted in his thoughts, but declined to share his musings with the other two boys. Unfortunately, Ben’s curiosity wouldn’t let him rest. With a sigh, he decided to keep it simple, “C is my… person…? I guess that makes the most sense.” Describing her in one word felt almost sacrilegious, but calling her his everything might get a bit too weird especially following Kai’s mildly sexual comment.

Ben’s eyes narrowed and sparked with something Terry found unfamiliar, but whatever it was, it nearly made his heart skip a beat. He never knew a wounded, malnourished human could be so intimidating, especially with his own nearly Lupus physique. He decided to expound before Ben tried to jump him. “She pulled me out of a pretty deep hole. I owe her a lot.” Kai began gurgling water and Terry sent a mildly annoyed look in his direction. “But I do not want to kiss her. That’s like kissing my sister.”

To his relief the dark look in the eldest’s eyes faded and one of understanding took its place. He made a mental note to avoid touching C while her bond was around. It didn't feel like things would go well for him if Ben found them interacting as they usually did.

"But why do you care so much?" Kai asked, finally recovering from the earlier attack. "C is fairly intimate with all the Lupi anyway. That's just how we are."

“I thought Tae- Terry was human?” Ben’s questioning didn’t seem like it would let up any time soon, so Terry sat on the edge of the tub with a sigh.

“When I first got here, I had some issues–” Kai’s snort was ignored with an eyeroll, “and C was the only one who would put up with me. A year or so went by and suddenly I was too human to be Lupi, but too Lupi to be human.” Terry shrugged. “At this point, I might as well make the switch, but it's just not worth it.” His eyes dulled, gaze falling out of focus, “If I change now, it feels like I'll lose what humanity I have left." Kai tensed and bit his lower lip, but the action was missed by Terry.

The three boys fell into a contemplative silence as they toweled off and got dressed and Terry was left with his all too consuming thoughts.

He didn't know if he had any humanity left. He couldn't even recall all the lives he took during the first few years of the apocalypse and, even though C never blamed him or mentioned it, he still felt like it would take centuries more to pay back his blood debt. Yet another point in C 's favor. Why was he still holding on to something so obviously useless? Why was this the hill he chose to die on?

“You coming?” Kai’s voice drifted over and Terry looked up to meet his friends’ inquisitive stares. While he was lost in his mind, Kai had arranged Ben into the wheelchair, probably with all the elegance known to his kind.

Terry sucked his front teeth for a second.

Damn, where’d that come from? Jealousy was never his thing before. Or maybe his emotions were just hard to regulate without C around? Should he just–? “Yeah I’m coming.” He looked down just to make sure he was dressed and dry. Luck was on his side today.

He shook his head and followed his friends out the door. Being so dependent on one person was how he got into this mess. It’s getting mighty tempting though. As Terry followed his friends out the door towards, he briefly imagined the consequences of his actions and for the first time in five years, he didn’t dread it.

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mysheephasfailedme · 2 years

Text

i wrote this for you because i love you

I’ll start with the lady sitting beside me on my flight to Newark. Her acrylic nails pressed tightly against her phone as she spoke, voice steady but stretched thin. She dabbed at her eyes, and that’s when I realized she was crying. Should I have offered her a piece of tissue? I pulled out a pack of alcohol wipes instead and scrubbed at my seat handle, once, twice, thrice, as if that could stop me from being uprooted, strands of me still clinging to Canadian soil, and tossed into a hastily dug hole on the other side of the border.

Life was static in the hotel; I threw my clothes into the bottom dryer and paid for the top one. A pot of soup from last night’s meal cold on the stove, my graduation dress strewn across the bed to dry. Alice’s uncle would visit me every two days, and I’d peel myself from the bed to greet him. I had hoped for solitude for so long that I had forgotten how to enjoy it; I did not know how long I would have to drown myself drunk in solitude.

Alice didn’t go home that year, but at least I got to spend my birthday with her.

Where do you call home?

Beside you, I would say, the dusty floor outside of an art museum, under the tropical sun, scrambling to balance a bowl of cold noodles on my knees as I chase after a rogue plastic bag. Beside you, kneeling on a plank of wood, scooping ice-cold sea water into a wheelbarrow. Beside you, scrunching my eyes as we laugh about how we’re so bad at switch mario, pouring water through straws to dilute 50% sugar milk tea. Beside you, your brownies, your grin, your writing, I can’t even think of anything else to say but just you. Beside you, wearing your shoe actually, poring over draft resolutions and then snippets of your school life and now anything that pops into our minds. Beside you, dumping indomie water from your window, never mind if that would attract bears at midnight; we’d be awake anyway. Beside you, as I steal one of your shoes from under the table and sneak away, as Salma knocks on my door asking if I had seen your shoes and I die laughing. Beside you, as you bend down to measure the water level of pedder bay for your IA, as you come up with a math problem not even mbm could solve, and I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. Beside you, as we try to watch a movie but end up just talking, as you complain about my passive-aggressiveness and I laugh and say and that’s why you love me. Beside you, playing volleyball in your room with you and your sister, your mom had made me her special porridge. Beside you, as you indulge me in my ridiculous obsession over cute stationery, as you smugly boast about your girlfriend, you’re such a simp. Beside you, staring at your slipper that somehow ended up on top of Woodward, and contemplating if it would be worth risking my life climbing up a frozen roof for you. Beside you, beside you, beside you, until I was no longer beside you.

I was uprooted, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe, that without the bits and pieces I left in you, that you left in me, I was withering and wilting and wasting away. The hole I was thrown into was too big, and I couldn’t fill the void.

But now I sit beside Janss steps, my bare feet against moist earth. An hour ago I lay down and saw stars; I bet those are the stars we once gazed at together. Graduating seniors ice block beside me, losing control and tumbling, rolling, somersaulting down their way. The sky is so wide. It is as if I could breathe in the whole world, as if the air could slowly trickle in and fill up all the tiny gaps you left.

I envy my ECE3 car. It can veer off course, crashing into walls screaming and wailing and complaining, and a sad engineer would dive after it and stop it from hurting itself. If I repeatedly throw myself against the wall when my car doesn’t work ,I’d probably get thrown out of the lab. And thus I told Emily that Friday I was having my first sad engineer moment. She glanced at me, incredulous. First? This is your first sad engineer moment? What about Mario? CS33? And I suppose what I had meant was I was having my first sad group engineer moment. In the dimly lit corridor of Engineering 4, crouching over a dirty track, writing code, cursing arduino with a bunch of other (I assume) sad engineers, I could feel new roots growing, holding onto new soil, a new life.

And I finally got to return to the ocean. The water was so cold, but I would’ve let the water take me for all I cared. Volleyball, wrestling, Chinese rolling off my tongue for hours and hours. The faces were different, but they made it feel like home again. I went to the beach again a couple weeks later, exactly a year after I left Pearson. They started a fire with lighter fluid, and I guess some things do change, but the s’mores tasted just as good. When we left we saw fireworks.

And of course, other things. Studio ghibli, zip cars, people who stop and wait to make sure you don’t wander off lost. Free pizza, column cookies, frisbee and the beach with giants. Grabbing food, ramen and donuts, you should be honored because you’re the only one I roast here. Mirror selfies, future roommates, I’ll see you back in Taiwan?

It’s 3:25 am and I’m in Powell, pulling an all-nighter not for finals but for the aesthetics. A couple of hours ago I was lying on the damp grass by Janss steps; through my drooping eyelids I could almost see the buzzing around Engineering 4. The moon was hidden behind clouds when I went out at 10 pm to meet Jenny; I’d like to think it didn’t want to watch people leave, or what people left behind. But the sky has now cleared up, and the dark spots of the moon saw everything.

It’s crazy that I’m leaving, when everything had just started to make sense. In six hours, in two hours, and then the sun blossomed from the tip of the tree outside of Rende. I packed up and left, leaving everything exactly how I found them nine months ago, except for the desk I had pulled out with Athena and couldn’t push back by myself.

Physically I’m leaving UCLA, but mentally it feels like I’m leaving Pearson again. There’s this tattered bag I have tied around my waist that I drag as I trudge forward. With every step something important is left behind on the dusty road, but with every step I bend and pick up a pretty-looking rock, or maybe a funny-looking flower, that reminds me of the old one I lost, and place it into my bag. And I guess this is how you get used to everything. How I will have to get used to everything.

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