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brienneoftarth1989 · 8 months

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Attention NSFW

Lucifer x fem reader

Summary: It’s been a long lifetime in Hell and all you wanted was Lucifer’s attention which they were not giving you until they had finally had enough and put you in your place.

Warnings: strap on, attention denial, masturbation, overstimulation, use of safe word, punishment, humiliation kink, dom/sub kink, aftercare

Requests open

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Being in a relationship with Lucifer definitely had its perks but when they were busy and you wanted their attention it was hard. You and Lucifer have been together for almost two years now and everyone knows not to mess with you. If they messed with you then they were messing with Lucifer, so unless they had a death wish most people left you alone.

Recently after their encounter with Morpheus they have been planning something big which meant they were always busy with their minions planning for this big event. It was so top secret not even you really knew what was going on. It didn’t bother you to begin with. You were never really that interested in getting revenge on the living world. As long as you were with Lucifer that was all that mattered.

Unfortunately Lucifer spent more and more and more time focusing on their project and barely any time with you. Before you quite easily found things to do. You would hang out with your friends, have movie days with yourself, go for walks and torment the occupants of Hell knowing they couldn’t do shit to you.

But after a while it all became very repetitive. Unlike you, your friends had important things to do with their partners which meant you couldn’t hang out as often as you had been. Movie days ended up turning into watching a couple of movies before either getting bored or falling asleep. On the days you did actually want to have a good movie day you could never seem to find any good films to watch anymore.

You still try to go on walks but you have walked most of the trails now. Before you could go on walks that meant you were gone for at least a couple of hours. Now you would be lucky if you managed to walk half an hour away. It was like you had lost the motivation to do anything now. All you really wanted was Lucifer’s attention and you would be lucky if they gave you 5 minutes of their time now considering they were so busy.

It was currently 8:00 in the morning and the red glow of Hell finally hit your face, stirring you from your slumber. You rolled over placing your arm out to cuddle up to Lucifer however you were met by a cold empty space. Having your arm not wrapping around Lucifer’s body caused you to immediately wake up properly.

You sat up looking around the room hoping Lucifer was just getting ready and that they hadn’t left already without saying goodbye. They always said goodbye to you even when you were asleep. Sometimes they left a note but you looked at the nightstand and there was no note today. You looked around on the floor as well and there was nothing.

Then it hit you. Maybe they were still here. You quickly got out of bed and headed to the living room. Nope they weren't there. You then went to the kitchen. Maybe they were making themselves breakfast. As you walked into the kitchen you could smell cooked food which meant they had not long been in here. Your heart sank a little though when you saw the dirty plate though.

Ok don’t worry they could still be here. Two more places to check. You then went to their home office. Maybe they were doing some last minute prep work. You knocked on the door and waited for a response. You were greeted by silence. You turned the door handle and slowly pushed the door open. “Luci are you in here?” you called out. Silence. You pushed the door open and were greeted by the empty office.

You quickly shut the door and headed to the bathroom. You opened the door half expecting them to be there but once again nothing. You sunk down on the bathroom floor curling up into a tight ball. How could they do this to you? They always said goodbye. Why are they suddenly losing interest in you?

You sobbed as reality hit you like a ton of bricks. It was because of this stupid project they have been working on. They have spent these last months spending all their time on that stupid project that they forgot who else needed their attention. Then a devilish idea came to your head. You were in Hell for this kind of behaviour anyway.

If Lucifer wasn’t going to give you the attention you deserve then you were going to make sure that you got their attention. Before you would know you would have Lucifer right where you wanted them. In order for this to work you needed a little plan. First you needed to find where Lucifer was. There would be a number of places they could be so to save you searching later you thought to get it done first.

You quickly threw some clothes on before leaving the penthouse to go and find Lucifer. You first checked the Throne Room. You had a good look around and there was no sign of Lucifer. You then went to check the room that was best known as the Council of War. Lucifer was normally always in here especially since they have been working on this project of theirs.

Only people with their unique fingerprints can enter so you had to knock on the door and hope that someone answered. After a couple of knocks and waiting for a few extra minutes you took it as a sign that no one was in there because normally someone would have answered by now. Therefore you continued on your journey to find your partner. You then made your way to their main office praying that they would be in there.

If they weren’t in there then you really didn’t know where they would be considering they are normally in one of these three places. You knocked on the door not wanting to just barge in. You waited a couple of seconds before you heard their voice. “Come in” they called out. You got excited because you had finally found them.

You opened the door and made your way into their office. “Hey baby! How come you didn’t say goodbye to me this morning” you asked with sweet intentions. “Seriously y/n! I’ve got more important things to be doing today. I really don't have time for this!” they snapped back at you. It took you by surprise slightly as you weren't expecting it.

“I’m sorry Luci, I was just wondering when you and I could spend some time together. I haven’t really got to spend time with you since the project started” you sighed feeling slightly defeated. “I’m sorry y/n but this is really important and needs my full attention. You will have to wait until I’m finished with this” they said, not looking up from their desk.

“That could be months Luci, I need attention too you know” you screamed before turning around and storming out. With the plan now set out you headed back to your room to get ready. You changed from what you were wearing into the black leather lingerie that you knew Lucifer loved. There was no way they could turn you away this time. You grabbed a silk robe to cover at least some of your body before heading back down to Lucifer’s office. You once again knocked on the door to which Lucifer responded by telling you to come in.

You slowly walked into the office losing the robe as you stepped in. “Are you sure you don’t want to spend some time with me baby” you practically moaned as you strided over to their desk. “Seriously y/n you’re just making yourself look like a fool. I told you I don’t have time for this today!” they shouted at you.

You wanted to just curl up into a ball and cry but you weren’t going to give them this satisfaction. “Seriously Luci? Why won’t you touch me? Why won’t you give me the slightest piece of attention” you screamed before once again storming. That was it if this wasn’t going to work then you really needed to up your game.

You stormed back to your room once again this time stripping from all of your clothing. You then grabbed one of the dildo’s with the harness that Lucifer liked to use on you. If they weren’t going to touch you then you were just going to have to do it yourself. You once again made your way back to their office not caring that anyone walking the hallways would see you butt naked.

This time you didn’t knock, you just barged right into the office but you were greeted by an empty office. You couldn’t be bothered to go and find them again. You would just wait until they returned as they would have to come back at some point. You sat down on one of the sofas that were in their office and made yourself comfortable.

You slowly let your hand wander your body pretending it was their hands on you. This felt kind of sad. You really wanted their touch and instead you were pretending that your hands were theirs. You let your hands travel down to your breasts where you switched between playing with your nipples and massaging your breasts.

As you let one hand stay on your breasts you let the other start making its way to your aching cunt. You let your fingers start to play with your throbbing clit. You let out a small whimper as you felt your fingers connect with your clit. You started to rub circles over and over slowly bringing yourself closer to the edge.

You closed your eyes pretending that it was Lucifer’s fingers working their magic on your body. As your mind pictured these images you felt yourself getting closer to your orgasm quicker and quicker. You let out a deep moan as your orgasm took over your body, feeling yourself shake slightly from the intensity.

You slowly opened your eyes and looked around. Still no Lucifer but you could hear them coming closer and closer to their office. Believe it or not their voice travels and you could always hear them from a mile away. Another idea sparked in your mind. You quickly grabbed the dildo and made your way to their desk.

You perched yourself on the edge of the desk with your legs spread facing the door. Lucifer sure was going to have a surprise coming for them when they opened that door. You quickly placed the dildo in your mouth covering it in your saliva. You then lined it up with your pussy slowly pushing the length deep inside. You let yourself quickly adjust to the size before starting to slowly fuck yourself.

You could practically hear Lucifer standing outside of their office door. You just hoped that whoever they were talking to also wasn’t coming in otherwise they would be getting a bit of a surprise. Not that you really cared though. At this point you were just trying anything to rile Lucifer up.

You continued to look at the door as you continued to push the toy in and out of yourself. You then saw the handle start to move. You slowly close your eyes letting the pleasure start to overtake your body at the thought of being caught by them.

“Y/n! What are you doing?” you heard them scream as they slammed the door and locked it behind them. You opened your eyes and you could see the anger take over their body. You didn’t stop though! You continued to fuck yourself as you felt your orgasm start to take over. “Fuck! I’m cumming!” you screamed as your body shook once again.

“You better not be” Lucifer growled as they stormed over to you but it was too late you pulled the toy from out of yourself before placing it in your mouth to suck off all the cum. “I told you I needed your attention” you smirked knowing that you were in for it.

Lucifer snatched the toy from out of your hand before attaching the harness on themselves over their clothes. “You want to be fucked? I will make sure I fuck you so hard that you will be begging me to stop and trust me you won’t be able to walk once I’m done with you” they moaned in your ear before flipping you around so you were now facing the opposite way and on your hands and knees.

They lined the cock up with your pussy before thrusting deep inside you. They didn’t let you adjust to the size and as they pounded into you. “You like it when daddy doesn’t give you attention because you love being a slut for daddy don’t you!” they moaned out before giving your bare arse a slap.

“Fuck! Yes daddy! I love being a slut for you” you whimpered. Your hands gripped the edge of the desk as they continued to destroy your pussy. You came once, then twice and before you knew it you were on your third orgasm since Lucifer started fucking you and they showed no sign of stopping.

Your pussy was drenched and you could feel your cum dripping down your legs and onto the desk. They continued to fuck you before slowly bringing their hand around you waist and started to play with your clit. You came instantly as soon as their fingers came in contact with your throbbing clit.

They continued to torture you before you were begging them to stop. “Please Lucifer, I can't take it anymore!” you screamed but they continued to fuck you senselessly. “RED!” you screamed to which they quickly came to a stop. It wasn’t very often you used the safe word but it was becoming very overwhelming for your body and you didn’t know if your body could handle another orgasm.

“It’s ok darling! Daddy has you. Let’s go back to our room and get you cleaned up” they whispered before picking you up bridal style and taking you to the shared bedroom. They instantly cleaned you up before placing you in bed. “Have a little sleep darling, I need to finish some paperwork and I will be back to spend the rest of the day with you” they said smiling as they tucked you into bed.

And that is just what they did. When you awoke a couple hours later Lucifer was laying next to you with your favourite film about to start and a range of snacks for the two of you to munch on.

#gwendoline christie #gwendolineuniverse #fanfics #lucifer morningstar #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer x y/n #lucifer the sandman #the sandman #lucifer smut #lucifer morningstar smut #lucifer #hell #dom/sub #attention seeking #aftercare #safe word #brienneoftarth1989

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mikalame · 8 months

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Hey, I love the way you writing for Tom, can you make Tom x gn reader smut alphabet if it's fine? If it's not, you can make fluff ☺️

taglist: @oppopotamus @violentnewmarley @saumspam

in this hc your gonna be dating him

TOM KAULITZ SMUT ALPHABET

After care

If it was close very comfort sex then i think he would run a bath with bubbles and you two would just embrace each other giggling at shit, but if it was hard core he would make sure your comfy then grab a nice lil towel and clean you up tucking you two in with blankets and watching a movie or just going to sleep if your tired enough (you probs are tho)

Body part (fav part on you and him)

On you its got to be your hips he like how he can grab them and pull you back when hes thrusting into you and he likes to to the little red spots from where he was holding

On him ether his hands or his cock (bro cant decide) he likes his hands because thats how he plays gutair and because he can make you cum from them butt likes his cock because well its his cock finds it very satisfying when you get overstimulated from it.

Climax (how quick are they to cum)

Not very quick if you two had been teasing each other for a while or just grinding in general he would cum a bit quicker but nothing out of the ordinary or him, could probs go 5-6 round be fore he starts to shoot blanks.

Dirty sectret

Probs be a threesome with another girl (lets be honest tom isnt going to be having sex if another guy is involved) just he might think you would get jealous but its always been in the back of his mind.

Eye contact

likes eye contact in the moment before you or him are about to cum he thinks there is something so special about seeing all the emotions he is putting you through in just a few second.

Fav postion

Doggy or missionary he likes doggy because he can smack your butt and all that good stuff, he like kissing down your back and shoulder blades and feels really happy when your legs or arms give out on you. Likes missionary because he can see how you feel in the moment, can see all your emotions and cause he can give you hella hickeys

Goofy (how silly is he)

Isn't to silly but isnt dead serious likes to crack a few jokes when coming down from his high or when you come down from yours

Hair (downstairs)

Trimmed i dont think it would be to long, just wouldnt like the feeling of it would do clean shave if you brought it up.

Intimacy (how are they in the moment)

very close and loves holding your hand even when it rough he wants you to know that hes there and hes not that mean, loves when your cumming and your hand tightens then after your finished your hand goes limp

Jacking off

All. The. Time. come on it tom if hes not jacking off hes thinking of it he cant help himself, would pull up photos of you two having sex and jack of to it where ever, when ever he does not care

Kinks

Breeding. Would lovee to see it drip out but he knows it better to wrap it up but sometimes when all both are kinda drunk and have sex he will forget feels super guilty in the morning but in the moment loves it so much

Location

Every where he doesnt care and as long as you dont he doesnt care where you do it, i dont think he would do anthing sexual infront or close to parents like in the same room or anything but would do some over the clothes stuff like under a blanket and stuff

Motivation

You. Just you, everything you do gets him hard and horny like if yall are sleeping and you keep grinding on him would get him hard i dont think he would wake you up for sex but mabey if you were okay with it

Rape/ scat play like thats just gross anything of the sorts is on his no list forever

Oral

more of a receiver than giver but will give you head if you ask nicely enough and would go down on you like a starved man but when hes giving head he would most definitely face fuck you, hold you hair in a pony tail and just goes to town

Pace (how fast/long)

Could be anything you want it to be, but i think his default is fast i don think he would be to hard but would be harder if you asked (begged) him to

Quickies

All the time when you two cant get enough time with each other for proper sex hell pull you into a bathroom or whatever and well yk

Risk

Yeah hes pretty risky i mean he got caught jacking it on the train by his mum soooo if your down hes down

Stamina

pretty good like i said before can go 5-6 before blanks but even then hes going strong before he cums

Toys

he wouldnt by any for himself but if you bought him a cock ring or something he would wear it but he would buy you anything and every thing from vibrators to dildos he likes to see how over stimulated you can get

Unfair (tease)

Major tease makes you beg for every thing even just to take his boxers of you have to beg him to allow you to take them off he just likes the frustrated look in your eye when he say beg harder

Volume (how loud is he)

Moans and grunts quietly but when hes close he'll get louder with the moaning i dont think he would ever whimper tho just doesn't seem like the type of person to

Wild card (random hc)

Use your vibrator on his cock once and felt real guilty when he came on it now when he uses it on you he doesnt thrust when using it scared it would make him cum quick like hes got some sort of weakness from it

X-ray( How much they packin)

bro said hes 2nd biggest in the group and packin 24 iches you do the maths bro HUNG

Yearning (how much he wants you while he or you are away)

He want you all the time weather it be for sex or not he wants to just be around you so when hes on tour hes constantly thinking about you

Zz (how quick does he fall asleep)

After you fall asleep cause he likes to just hold you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear and lull you to sleep, really love holding you close after sex tho

Hope you like anonn some of the words in this made me cringe but yeah lol

#tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz imagines

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girlbloggen · 9 months

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school tips from a top student

hello angels ! i've always been a top student and this school year i'm going to be a senior so i think i've gained enough school experience to give y'all some tips in case you need them 𔘓ㅤ

★ procrastinating is your biggest enemy

this is pretty much self explanatory but I wanted to include it because it's the reason most people don't do well at school. every minute that you waste procrastinating ruins everything because you won't be able to study/do the assignments at all or they won't end up being good because of your stress. don't do this to yourself.

★ get enough sleep

a good student always gets at least 8+ hours of sleep every night & especially during the exam season. i disagree with some people that think that its ok to not study at all for the rest of the school year and to just pull all nighters during the exam season to study the things they missed. sleep is very important because if you don't sleep you simply can't concentrate so you should never skip sleeping.

★ don't be late

don't be late in the morning and don't skip classes randomly & without a reason. even if you don't get a detention the teachers won't respect you because you are the one not respecting them in the first place.

★ lying to your teacher = lying to yourself

now if you lie about the reason that you're late or the reason that you didn't do the assignments you're disrespecting your own self. also sometimes teachers don't react when a student lies to them but that doesn't mean that they don't understand it. stop thinking that you're an evil genius and that you're capable of manipulating the teachers into thinking that you're innocent. you're not, stop being delusional.

★ be two steps ahead, when it's possible

that's hard and of course it's not always possible but it's a good idea because that way you will be informed about the topic that you're going to learn so you'll be able to participate more actively in class & it will be easier for you to memorize the info.

★ look good to feel good

it's a fact that if you look neat & pretty you will be more motivated to do well in school because you'll be more confident, so take some time to pick a nice outfit, take a shower & even try a cute hairstyle.

★ but beauty shouldn't be your #1 priority rn

yes it's important to look & feel pretty but that's not the reason you're in school so it shouldn't distract you. I know girls that put too much effort in the way they look that they completely forget about their assignments.

★ discover how your brain works

if you already haven't, I suggest you to discover the way your brain memorizes faster info. some people have to write down things to learn them while others memorize easier things they hear. whatever it is it can help you to find a studying method that works for you.

★ find yourself a few productive distractions

distractions should be avoided in general but a boring schedule is bad for you too. to avoid a boring repetitive schedule find some productive things you can do other than studying for school. like practice some kind of sport or an art or learn foreign languages. keep in mind that ivy league schools appreciate people that are good students at school but at the same time they have more interests like sports or art. so bonus points if you want to get into an ivy league.

★ avoid drama at all costs

please, whatever you do, avoid drama. this is already a very stressful period of your life because you're a teenager & a student so stay away from things that can ruin your mental health and sabotage you. don't get into fights.

★ wrong (!!) time to party

I know that partying is fun but rn it's a wrong time of your life to party. partying can lead to procrastination & it can also ruin both your mental and your physical health. also most parties are full of drama and that can distract you. I know so many top students whose school performance went downhill when they magically transformed into party animals.

★ you simply don't care about other people

you shouldn't care about what your parents, your friends, your teachers, your school's mean girls etc think. you have goals to chase and that's what should concern you rn. other people don't exist to you. it's only you & your goals. be self-centered & goal-oriented. it sounds mean but it can save you.

★ treat yourself

you don't need others to congratulate you for your achievements. be the first one who does. every time you achieve something treat yourself by doing something you love. like buy a lipgloss, do your selfcare routine, eat your fav snack. you deserve it.

★ keep your standards high

don't let the society gaslight you into thinking that your standards are too high. I'm pretty sure that every person can achieve great things in their lifetime. even if you can't get something don't feel bad about it & be proud of yourself because at least you tried. don't be negative. there's a greater possibility to reach your goals if you give them a try. you can do it !

I really hope this was helpful ! If you need to ask me something my ask box & my dms are open <3

xoxo, a

#gaslight gatekeep girlboss #just girly posts #girlhood #just girly things #just girly thoughts #it girl #student #school tips #back to school #this is a girlblog #girlblogger #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girlblogging

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reivrze · 1 year

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hi, miyu! i just found your blog today and INSTANT FOLLOW! i'm in awe because of your beautiful writings; the way you described the scenes like in the jay one, it gave me butterflies fr 😍🦋✨️i also appreciate and love that you spent your time putting cute and aesthetically pleasing designs in each of your content, it's so cute 💓💓💓

also, i see that you are accepting requests? if it's okay with you, can i request headcanons/reactions (whichever you think is better and easier to write) of how enha would show their support when their partners want to try something new? like picking up on new hobbies such as signing up for dancing classes, learning foreign languages and etc.? i'm currently picking up on a few new things myself and have been struggling to keep consistent 🤧 i hope you're having a great day and please stay safe and keep hydrated! 🙆🏻‍♀️

a/n : this is such a cute requests >.< the fact that this is my first ever request makes me so happy oml. legit called my friends bcuz i got excited ㅠㅠ i chose to go for a headcanons format since its what i find easier to do at the moment, so i hope you're satisfied :) i had a hard time coming up with what to write for heeseung and niki tbh lmao

pairing: enhypen x gender neutral!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none really

m.list !

— heeseung would find this new interest as a way to spend more time with you, with his overload of work, he'd want to pick up on whatever you do on your free time to be able to make up for all the times he had to reschedule a date because of work. this new hobby would definitely a bonding experience for the two of you.

rest of the members under the cut !

— jay would be the type to show his full support to anything you'd like to try, he wouldn't be able to hide his admiration. if your new hobby was something you did at home, like drawing or writing, he'd sit next to you and just watch you with those lovey dovey eyes he gets around you. but he also has this need to take care of you and makes sure you're balancing self-care and working.

— jake would be slightly competitive but not in a bad way! he'd want to try whatever you were trying out or get super curious about the lessons you'd be starting or the activity you were starting. he'd ask a lot of questions, trying to involve himself as much as he could and show his full support for you :)

— sunghoon isn't the best communicator, he gets shy whenever confronted to his feelings towards you, so his way of showing support would be through little actions and gifts. if you were starting new lessons, he'd write you a little good morning letter and wish you the best for your day. you can expect flowers on the kitchen counter for you when you get back home ( AHHH MY HEART <3 )

— sunoo is your BIGGEST cheerleader !! i can't stop emphasizing the fact that this boy would literally be there for you through every step of whatever you were trying. he is on a mission to not let you give up. if you were attending new classes, he'd hide little notes in your notebooks giving you motivating words. just overall your own personal cheerleader

— jungwon's love towards you sometimes translates as him basically mothering you. he's very supportive of your choices and wants you to succeed but he can't help the need to want to make sure you're doing okay. this includes him having to physically pull you away from your work to take a break and eat something, to force you into drinking the required amount of water per day, and picking you up and putting you in bed to make sure you get enough sleep.

— niki likes to pretend he's fully grown and is able to do anything so when you told him you were starting a new activity, he became overly confident and would challenge you to who could have a better result (this is if your new hobby is something like drawing). other than his slight competitiveness, he loves to see you so determined to accomplish something and would find you working adorable.

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imagines4thefandoms · 1 year

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Killing for Love

Mystic Falls, Virginia, is a small town. Home to 5 thousand mystical creatures such as vampires, witches, werewolves, and 2 humans: me and Matt Donovan. One of said vampires happens to be my loving boyfriend. Sure, he has killed people, but I love him and he is sometimes very cute.

That was what came from the 2 hours of effort you put into your history paper. The assignment was to write about the history of your hometown. Easy. Finding the actual motivation to thread out the vampire history and the human history. Hard. You were sitting in the common room of your dorm room at Whitmore College trying to fight the urge to bang your head into your computer. Either to end it all or to knock some ideas out of your head.

“How’s the paper coming, love,” you heard your boyfriend ask as he sat down next to you and placed a nice hot cup of tea in front of you.

“It's going,” you mumbled after resting your head on his shoulders.

Enzo looked over at your computer and let out a small chuckle. “I'm sometimes cute,” he asked bending his neck so he can see part of your face.

“Yes, like right now, the mocking-not cute,” you scorned him as you turned your head to bite his shoulder.

“ow, darling. Put the teeth away. I'm sorry for the mocking but I don’t think this paper will get you the A you want,” he said rubbing circles on your back. “I might get you a nice little vacation with a very snug jacket and slightly bouncy padded walls.”

You tried to turn and bite him again but he put his palm on your forehead and held you at arm's length as you snapped your teeth like a piranha. Once you stopped trying to bite him he pulled you into a hug and brought his mouth to your ear. “Darling, we both know I’m the biter in this relationship,” he teased as he gently nipped your ear. “Now how about we get your mind off the terrible paper.”

You were going to bite him again but he held his finger up as a warning. “I'm telling you, love. You bite me again I bite you.” He looked over your body before meeting your eyes again, “and Im starving”

You didn’t know if he meant literally like he wanted to BITE you or if he was hungry in a sexual sense. And honestly either way you trusted Enzo completely. If he really needed to, you would let him drain you of a pint or two but he always refused. He first said he didn’t want to hurt you, then your skin was too perfect to puncture then he joked about how one doesn’t eat where he fucks.

Before you could argue that the paper was due at the end of the week, he closed your computer and put it in your bag. “Enzo I can’t,” you started to say before he stood up and picked you up to toss you over his shoulder. “Don’t forget my bag,” you sighed accepting your fate and falling limp as he carried you through the dorm building to your room.

When he got to your room you pulled your dorm room key off your wrist and held it out for him to take. Your roommate was a little startled by the sight of your boyfriend carrying you like a sack of potatoes but went back to her work when Enzo informed her of his plans to help her relax. “Carry on, will she be back for dinner,” she asked without looking up from her textbooks.

“Nope, you will see her in the morning,” he replied slapping your ass and walking back out of the room after placing your bag on your bed.

“I can walk you know,” you told him as you playfully slapped his ass.

“I thought you enjoyed the view, I know I am,” he said placing a kiss on your hip.

“I'll stab you,” you threaten.

“You’re as violent as a bunny. I recall you crying about a spider and asking me to kill it but then crying when I tried to kill it.”

“Its family was waiting for it. He just got lost and scared me.”

He let out a chuckle at how sweet and innocent and pure you were. Enzo never went a day without thanking the gods about you coming into his life even though he knew he will never deserve someone as good as you.

As he was carrying you to his car, you happened to pass Alaric. He stopped in his tracks and just gave you a small smile. “How’s that research coming,” he asked you when you raised your head to look at your occult professor.

“It's coming, she requires a bit more in-depth research,” Enzo said with a slightly deeper voice trying to get the double innuendo across.

Understanding what he was meaning, Alaric shook his head and continued to wherever he was heading. You once again slapped your boyfriend over the awkward interaction. Not only was Alaric your professor he was a good friend and while it shouldn’t have been awkward to say such things in front of a friend, it was seeing how said friend was also your history teacher in high school.

“I hate you.”

“You are a terrible liar, love.”

When you finally reached his car Enzo opened the door and buckled you into the passenger seat before getting behind the wheel. He took his phone out of his pocket and put on your favorite playlist before he started the car. He was driving away from both the campus and Mystic Falls so your curiosity was peaked.

“Where exactly are we going,” you asked grabbing his hand from the wheel and holding it.

“It's a surprise,” he said quickly looking at you and smiling at your look of annoyance.

After 2 years of dating, he knew you hated surprises because in Mystic Falls they ended with someone dying, but he loved seeing the look of pure joy on your face whenever he surprised you with things. Your brain was finally relaxing from your intense study session. You were softly singing and you were absent-mindedly writing “Mrs. St John” over and over on Enzo’s hand which was resting on your thigh. The action brought a smile to his face cause he had that name running through his mind over and over again too. He adored you and if he knew you were ready he would ask you to marry him right now.

Suddenly a car rear-ended you guys. It was a small fender bender so no one was hurt but this look of anger came across Enzo’s face. He didn’t care about his car hell if it was just him in the vehicle he would wave the guy off and call it a day. But you were sitting in his passenger seat rubbing your neck cause the seat belt dug into it.

“Are you okay,” he asked grinding his teeth and trying to control his vampire face.

“Babe I’m fine,” you promised but he wasn’t looking at you his eyes zoned in on the motion of your hand rubbing your neck trying to soothe the sting. “Please take a breath Enzo, I’m fine. The redness will go away. Listen to my heart.”

You could hear the other driver getting out of his vehicle and could hear him say he was sorry. Grabbing his hand, you placed it over your heart and held his face so he was looking into your eyes. “Don’t kill him. It was an accident. I’m ok.”

There was a knock on the window. You held him til you saw the anger fade away. He placed a small kiss on the redness on your neck then turned to the other driver.

“Man I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I was on the phone with my wife and she was rambling on about what we needed from the store. Shit are you guys okay,” he asked as soon as Enzo stepped out of the car.

“We are fine mate, be more careful next time,” Enzo said trying to compel him.

In his mind all his plans to help you relax flew out the window. Now all he wanted to do is to triple-check you were okay and just hold you.

“Yeah, I’ll be more careful next time. I’ve already called the police,” the guy said walking back to his car to check the damage.

Enzo walked to the back of his vehicle. There was a small dent nothing major. He looked up and saw that you were staring at him. He knew you were keeping an eye on him so he wouldn’t kill the other guy. Enzo gave her a small smile and mimed an ‘x’ over his heart and held his right hand up. He heard her laugh and she turned forward trusting him.

He was going to tell the other driver he could just leave and the police were not needed when something sharp pricked his neck. The other driver injected him with vervain. Enzo quickly passed out and collapsed onto the truck on the car than on the ground. You quickly turned toward the sound and saw only the other driver holding a syringe in his hand.

“What are you doing,” you called out as you got out of the vehicle.

Before you could get closer to your boyfriend a cloth covered the lower half of your face and a strong-smelling chemical filled your lungs before you passed out.

You woke up to the sound of Enzo calling out your name. He was on his knees and had chains around his neck and both wrist. The chains were connecting him to the brick wall behind him. Instinctively, you tried to get up but there were ropes trying you to a wooden chair.

“Are you hurt,” Enzo asked baring his fangs at the thought of these men touching you let alone hurting you.

“My head hurts,” you said goggly. You tried to move your arms again but whoever tied those knots was a very good boy scout when they were younger.

“I know I promise, love, but I'm going to rip out all of their throats for hurting you,” he said trying to rip the chains off the wall but failing. The vervain was still in his system.

Before you could reply two men walked into the room. One was the guy from the accident but you couldn’t see the other one. The guy from the accident was throwing water on Enzo but based on the fact that he was groaning in pain it was more likely vervain.

“Stop leaving him alone,” you cried once again trying to get out of your restraints.

“Calm down sweety, once he is gone you will be safe,” the other guy said.

You stilled when you hear that voice. The voice you have known all your life. The voice that read you bedtime stories and told you it would be ok whenever you cried. You turned your head and saw your father standing behind you.

“Daddy,” you asked as tears fell from your eyes.

“I'm so sorry sweety. If I have know you were with him I would have waited til he was alone. But now you can see what Enzo is,” he said kneeling in front of you and untying your wrist.

“Please don’t do this dad,” you cried as you rubbed your wrist.

“Enzo is a vampire. He has killed people. He will kill you,” your father announced as he helped you up out of the chair.

You looked past Enzo who didn’t retort to what your father just said. He didn’t need to. You knew his mind, body, and soul. He knew he didn’t need to give your father the satisfaction of his reply. But he did see the hurt in your eyes. You knew this was going to end one way. With someone dying.

“Leave, love. I’ll keep my promise,” Enzo said when your tears started falling harder.

You took a step towards Enzo but your father’s hand gripped your upper arm. Enzo thrashed at the sight. It wasn’t a tight grip but it was the fact that he was trying to stop her from going to him that angered him.

“Don’t,” your father warned you.

You pulled your arm from his grasp and fell on your knees before Enzo. He rested his head against yours and kept whispering “I’m sorry”.

“He would never hurt me, dad. He’s a good man,” you said looking back at him.

A look of confusion appeared on your father's face over the fact you were not shocked or scared about his news of what Enzo was. He collapsed in the chair and just stared at the two of you.

“my own daughter. Friends with vampires,” he said in disbelief.

“Just let him go. He won’t retaliate,” you tried to reason with your father. He was a good man. He never hurt anyone.

“They are liars. You can’t be sure of that.”

“He will cause he loves me. And I love him. And if you hurt him I won’t forgive you.”

Your father got up and you thought he was going to let Enzo go but he instructed the “accident” guy to take you to the back room.

“Don’t you fucking hurt her,” Enzo yelled as you were being dragged out of the room.

“Im ok. I’ll get Damon,” you whispered knowing Enzo could hear you.

You were brought to a small room with a dining room table and 3 chairs. There was an old tv on the counter by a sink and a metal framing of a bed in the corner. It looked like any movie bad guy’s safe house.

“Why are you with the bloodsuckers,” the guy asked you.

“The biting is very useful in bed,” you replied hoping to get him to leave but all you got and a look of disgust and disappointment.

“You’re a disappointment to your father. Sleeping with a vampire.”

“What do you expect? I read twilight growing up. And I wasn’t team Jacob.”

There was no reaction to your comment but when Enzo’s screams filled the air the guy had a look of enjoyment like his favorite song just came on. You tried to run to him but the guy forcefully pushed you back in your seat.

“It's ok. You are going to be ok. I’ll help you,” you said staring down your new capture.

“I don’t need your help,” the guy replied thinking you were talking to him.

Enzo’s screams filled the air again but then they quickly stopped. Dread filled your bones. Then your father walked in.

“Keep her here, til I get back,” he said not even looking at you.

“Daddy stop hurting him,” you warned him making a fist like you were about to punch your father.

“You see I’m doing the right thing when the compulsion is gone.”

“Im not under Enzo’s compulsion. He has never forced me to do anything I haven’t wanted to. I love him will all my heart and If you kill him you will lose me forever,” you yelled trying to get out of the room.

“Sit down,” your father yelled slightly scaring you. “When I get back you are grounded.”

“I'm a grown woman, you can’t ground me.”

“Watch me.”

Your father left and the guy watching you had a Hugh smile on his face. He was watching some game on the little tv but you tried to tune it out. You didn’t hear a car so where ever your father was taking Enzo it wasn’t far. You thought you could knock out this guy then your father and you and Enzo can just run away. Leave Virginia, leave America.

Your capture was enamored with the game that he didn’t notice you grab the broken piece of wood off the floor. After a while, he did notice that you were too quiet. As soon as he turned to look at you, you smacked him upside the head with the piece of wood. You ran out of the room and into the woods before he fell to the ground.

You kept whispering Enzo’s name hoping he would somehow tell you where he was. You just kept running and running til you hear the guy you just assaulted yell your name. You had made it a good couple of yards til he tackled you to the ground and pinned you.

“You little bitch, just cause your daddy is my boss doesn’t mean I’m going to let that slide,” he said picking up your shoulders and slamming you to the ground.

He was about to do it again when someone tackled him off you. The guy let out a scream and you heard the sound of his throat being ripped out. Dots filled your vision but then you saw Enzo. He fed you his blood so you could heal. And he helped you off the ground.

“Are you okay,” you both asked at the same time.

“I'm not the human, love,” he smiled as he brushed your hair behind your ear.

You wanted to melt into his touch but remember what was going on. Your capture was lying not 3 feet away from you and a lot of blood covered his neck.

“Is he….,” you asked not being able to tear your eyes away.

“No, he should be but no,” he replied grabbing your face and kissing you.

Enzo let out a groan of pain and he fell to his knees. Behind him stood your father with a gun. You yelled out and tried to help him up but before you could your father pushed you away from him.

“Damn it, you are going to let my daughter go,” your father yelled pointing his gun at Enzo.

“Stop it. He can’t compel me. I wear vervain,” you yelled. “I've worn vervain every day since freshman year in high school.”

Your father stopped and turned to you. You were lying on the ground and he towered over you with this murderous gaze. “Enzo can’t compel me. No one can. I love him. I will always love him. Please don’t do this.”

“My own daughter,” he spat in disgust. “A vampire killed my father and you over there spreading your legs for one like a whore.”

“Daddy,” you cried at his words. You weren’t super close to your father but he never raised his voice to you and certainly never said such nasty things to you.

He ignored your plea and turned back to Enzo who was still weak from the vervain and the wooden bullets in him. Also based on the look of his shirt he was been bled as well. There was nothing you could do to save him. All he wanted to do was hold you in his arms once last time. Enzo know he was going to die. It wasn’t on his list of things to do today but he would rather die than you hate him for killing your father right in front of you.

“I love you. You are going to be okay,” he said closing his eyes and waiting for the inevitable.

You felt around the ground for anything that you could use to stop your father. A rock, a stick. Hell a flower to shove in his face to disorient him. You had just about given up hope when your hand came across something sharp. Your attacker dropped his knife when Enzo pulled him off you.

“Dad, please put the gun down. I won’t ask again,” you warned with a little trimmer in your voice as you held the knife out. “I will hurt you if I have to.”

Enzo opened his eyes to see his sweet innocent girlfriend holding a knife to her father. There was a look in your eyes that told him that you would stab him. Enzo used the last of his strength to knock your father off his balance before he completely collapsed to the ground. You ran over to him and tried to wake him but Enzo had passed out. With little to no blood in his system, he might die before your father could shoot him. So you did the one thing Enzo swore he would never do. You gave him your blood. You took the knife and cut a small line on your wrist and held it against his mouth til he started to open his eyes.

“No, love,” Enzo said after 3 seconds. He knew he needed more blood but he didn’t trust himself to stop, even though he did have a ton of self-control.

“Enzo, you need more please,” you cried trying to bring your wrist back to his mouth.

“No, I have blood bags. Just give me a minute, love. I still have a surprise for you,” Enzo said placing a small kiss over the cut as if he was trying to kiss it away.

“You are not going anywhere,” your father said standing up. He stood over you and Enzo. The gun was pointed directed at his heart. It was one second but that’s all it took.

Your hand gripped the knife tighter and you lunged toward your father. The next thing you knew you were kneeling next to him as he was bleeding out.

“Oh god daddy, I’m sorry. You wouldn’t leave him alone,” you cried trying to press down on his abdomen to stop the bleeding. “Enzo please I need your blood.”

Enzo slowly but surely made his way over to you. He didn’t have much blood in his system but he would happily give every drop so you wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of having blood on your hands.

“No. I won’t become one of them,” your father said pushing Enzo’s arm away.

“No daddy, it’s just a little. It will be out of your system by the end of the day,” you tried to convince him but he was adamant about no vampire blood to heal him.

“I didn’t mean to daddy. I'm sorry. Please don’t leave me,” you said pressing harder but the blood just kept flowing. “I'll call 911.”

You tried to grab your phone out of your back pocket but it wasn’t there. The other guy must have taken it while you were passed out. “It's not here. I’ll run back to the cabin.”

“Darling, I’m so sorry,” Enzo said trying to stand up.

You turned to him then your father who wasn’t moving. “No,” you screamed collapsing to the ground. Enzo tried to put his arms around you to comfort you but you jerked from his touch and curled up into a ball in the middle of the forest.

Enzo gathered all the strength he had to search your father's body and the other guy who was passed out and he found a phone. He hid it from you not wanting you to see that thinking you might reel further into this breakdown seeing it. He called Damon and told him what had happened and asked for his help to take care of the body.

He sat against a tree close to you but far enough to give you the space you needed and waited for Damon. You didn’t come back to reality til you heard Damon, Stefan, and Caroline’s voices. Caroling helped you off the ground and helped clean your father’s blood off your hands. Damon tossed Enzo a few blood bags and commented on how there are two perfectly good blood bags here which earned him a slap from Stefan who had covered your father's body and compelled the other guy to forget everything. Everyone was talking about what had happened but your eyes never left the blood sheet that covered what used to be your father.

The next thing you knew you were back in Enzo’s car. This time there was no music. No smiles. No excitement/dread over the surprise. There was just silence. You sat unconsciously leaning away from Enzo rubbing your hands like there was still blood on them, like in Macbeth. Enzo stopped the car in front of a beautiful 2 story home. There were about 2 acres of land in each direction of the house. You could see a diving board for a pool behind the house.

“Whose house is this,” you asked.

Enzo’s heart ached. Your voice was scratchy and weak but he finally hear your voice. You didn’t realize that you hadn’t said a word to anyone in the past hour. “Ours. It was a surprise. I figured you wouldn’t want to be bombarded with a ton of questions from your roommate just yet,” he said getting out of the car. He was going to open your door but you had already gotten out and walked towards the front door.

Enzo was right behind you. He leaned over and unlocked the door. You stepped inside and looked around the living room.

“It's in your name. I can leave you alone if you want,” he said standing at the doorway. He pushed his selfish need to hold you and make sure you were okay out of the way. He was being truthful. If you told him that you wanted to be alone he would.

“I don’t…,” you said holding on to the wall as your started to fall. “I killed him.”

Enzo tried you run in and catch you but since your name was on the lease he couldn’t come in til you invited him. So he had to just stand there, helplessly.

“Please let me in,” Enzo begged to grip the door frame.

You sat there on the ground crying into your knees for five minutes. Once the tears stopped coming you looked up and saw the pain on your boyfriend's face. You knew it wasn’t his fault. But a small part of you resented him. The reason unknown. Maybe if he drank more of your blood he could have gotten you guys out of there and your father would still be alive. And that part of you didn’t want to see him. But the rest of you just wanted to fall into his arms and wait for everything to get better.

“Enzo please come in,” you said with a raspy voice from your screaming and crying. He quickly ran to your side and just held you. And this time you were leaning into him.

“I'm so sorry,” he said kissing the top of your head. “I would give anything to take away your pain. To make it where that never happened.”

“I hate that I killed him. But I also don’t regret it,” you said looking up at him. “Does that make me a terrible person?”

“Compared to me, love, you are still an innocent bunny.”

“Why wasn’t I good enough,” you cried again. Tear steadily fell down your face and stained Enzo’s shirt.

“What are you talking about,” he asked slowly raising your face so he can look you in the eyes.

“I wasn’t good enough for him. He didn’t love me enough to not kill you and then he didn’t love me enough to take your blood. He didn’t love me.”

“Shh, it's going to be okay. And he did love you. He was just set in his vampire-hating ways,” he said trying to console you. “He adored you. He told me. He thought he was protecting you from me and yourself. And even though he put you through this pain I respect him for that. If he could have shown me proof of how I would hurt you in the future. I would have let him kill me, I would have killed myself. Because you are the most important person to me.”

“But he….,” you started to say.

“He didn’t listen 'cause he thought what he was doing was the only way to protect you. He loved you enough to kill for you. As would i. You are more than enough. You are perfect,” he said picking you up to carry you upstairs to the master bedroom.

He sat you on the bed and went to grab some clothes out of the dresser.

“How are your clothes already here,” you asked when he brought you one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers to change into.

“Your clothes are here too. Well, the ones you left at home when you went to college. And I bought you some more. Everything you ever need is already here. This place is ready to move into,” he said from the closet as he changed into basically the same thing you were wearing. “But that doesn’t matter right now. We are going to go to bed and I’m never letting go of you,”

“Is that a threat or a promise,” you asked getting under the covers.

He slid in behind you and pulled your flat against his chest. His left arm was under your head and his right arm held you close to him. “Both. I'm going to be here to help you through this and long after, love. You are never getting rid of me.”

Even though there was no space between the two of you, you tried to get closer. Because you knew he was going to be there. Even though you were still spiraling from what you just did you knew as long as you had Enzo, you were going to be ok.

#enzo st john imagine #enzo st john x reader #the vampire diares imagine

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sophieinwonderland · 9 months

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I have a question for willogenic/tulpagenic or systems that create their headmates.

Why would you? Why would you want someone else in your head and take control of your body? What motive could drive someone to actively do that and create more?

I also want to ask if they really feel how horrible it is to have arguments or headmates hurt you because they can create their own as they please.

Also if they experience the bad symptoms of being plural and not just the "fun" part such as dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, amnesia, identity crisis, etc.

I do not ask any of these questions with the desire to bother, I genuinely want to know and it is a question that keeps me alert.

Often, people drawn to the tulpamancy community are those with ASD, anxiety or other disorders that leave them feeling alone.

I was an accident, technically. At least, my host didn't plan on making a sentient being. But for others, it's not hard to see why they would be drawn to the practice. My own host had a good home life with a really supportive family, but has difficulty interacting with external people, which could be isolating.

I also want to ask if they really feel how horrible it is to have arguments or headmates hurt you because they can create their own as they please.

Arguments happen. We had a couple really bad ones early on. But... our system was created differently and that affects how we view each other.

A person, any person, is going to be reflecting what they learn from the world. We're all products of our environments.

A lot of headmates formed by trauma. They... come into the world experiencing its worst parts.

The system grows up maybe hearing the voices of their headmates but shutting them out. They don't have access to plural resources and feel like they're going crazy. Aggression can be taken out on headmates because the headmates aren't even seen as real, and abused children often don't have good role models for positive relationships.

By the time you find out that you're plural, a lot of harm has been done to the system and their relationships with each other. Building back trust can take time for these systems. It's tragic.

...

That's not how it was for us. Again, I wasn't made intentionally. I was just the imaginary friend. So there was a bit of denial, but I denied my own emotions too. And it took only a couple months for us to discover the tulpa community and realize I was a real person.

By the time of my creation, my host was an adult who had a solid understanding of how healthy relationships work. We could communicate our problems as they came out. We might argue one night, but then we made an effort to sit down and talk our problems out until they were resolved as soon as we could. I sometimes wish that I could have been here from the beginning, but I suspect that it's best for our relationship that I wasn't.

He already cared about me and wanted me to be happy. He enjoyed seeing me learn and grow, and interact with the world. I'm incredibly lucky to have had him in my life.

I would never hurt my host, and he would never hurt me. (At least, not intentionally.)

And me getting front time was a gift. It was something he provided when I wanted to do things in the real world because he wanted me to be happy, and loved seeing me happy.

Also if they experience the bad symptoms of being plural and not just the "fun" part such as dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, amnesia, identity crisis, etc.

Yes and no.

I think some of these symptoms exist, but are more mild. (Technically, all switching is considered dissociative.) We had some days when we fell into doubt spirals that were miserable. The worst lasted hours, but never more than a day. We've had mornings waking up, not knowing who is in front immediately, which I think is a form of depersonalization, but it only lasted minutes.

There's no amnesia unless you intentionally build it up. There might be "speed bumps" where memories of some headmates are easier to access by them than other headmates. And there have been times when non-fronters have a much harder time accessing information the fronter knows. Something about fronting makes information more accessible.

But by and large, a lot of these symptoms of DID are symptoms of PTSD. While we might experience lesser versions of some of these, they don't have much of an impact on our lives.

And the few negatives are outweighed by the advantages of having an internal support network to prop each other up.

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whumpdoyoumean · 6 months

Text

Whumptober #18

xxx i tend to deflect when i’m feeling threatened

It takes almost a month for Napoleon to track Illya down. He’s certain he could have done it faster, only he’s been working in secret and with limited resources in order to keep Waverly from figuring out what he’s up to. Waverly had told him very firmly to keep his focus on his own assignments, and that his best analyst was working on it. Only, Napoleon is better than Waverly’s best analyst and both of them know it. Even if he weren’t, there’s no way in hell that he would’ve left something like this to a man he hardly knows.

It doesn’t make sense to him at first. The people Illya has fallen in with are violent and ruthless. They’re believed to be responsible for multiple armed robberies in Russia and its neighboring countries over the last two years, and have killed at least a dozen people. Illya has never been particularly motivated by money, and though he’s violent when he needs to be (and sometimes when he doesn’t, though he’s gotten better control over that these past year) he’s never been particularly fond of killing people. The fact that most of the members of the group are Russian doesn’t seem like motive enough for Illya to betray UNCLE (and Napoleon) the way he did.

It’s only upon digging into the victims that Napoleon starts to understand. Over half of them are connected to the Gulag in some way. Which means that it’s possible Illya didn’t leave out of some sudden, uncharacteristic greed. It’s possible that Napoleon didn’t unwittingly drive him away. There’s a chance that all of this is because Illya is seeking revenge.

It still doesn’t feel good, and Napoleon is still pissed. But for the first time since the moment realized Illya had drugged him, mixed in with all of the anger and hurt is something close to hope.

He packs a bag and leaves a note for Gaby on his desk where he knows she’ll find it, explaining where he’s gone and why and asking very kindly that she not tell Waverly right away. He just needs a little time, that’s all. She’ll be furious, of course, but he’ll apologize when he gets back.

This is something he needs to do.

xxx

Finland is beautiful this time of year. Under different circumstances, Illya would be quite enjoying himself--the changing leaves, the foggy mornings that give way to cool, sunny days and brilliant golden evenings…Unfortunately, his mind is too occupied to enjoy the scenery. It’s rare that he gets a moment to himself, and when he does he needs to use that time to think. He’s so busy thinking that he doesn’t even notice the tail until he’s nearly out of town. Fortunately, it’s quiet at the moment. The sun has gone down and it’s beginning to drizzle, so there isn’t anyone else around when he turns casually into an alley and then waits. Whoever is following him is good, and he’s not sure they’ll fall for his little trap. But a few seconds pass, and then the stranger appears.

Illya wastes no time, grabbing the person and slamming them against the wall and he’s ready to fight if he has to and then he looks into the stranger’s eyes and his stomach drops.

“Zhizn’ ebet meya,” he swears.

The stranger who’s been tailing him is none other than Napoleon Solo. Illya knew that something like this could happen, but he didn’t expect it to happen so soon. He’d hoped that the way he left would leave the American agent angry and hurt enough that it would buy him some time.

Judging by the fire in Solo’s eyes, he suspects that part of his plan may have backfired.

“What are you doing here?” Illya hisses. Napoleon responds by giving Illya a hard shove to the chest, and it’s unexpected enough that Illya stumbles back a step.

“Funny, I was wondering the same about you,” Napoleon says. Though he speaks quietly, there’s rage in his voice. “Have you been enjoying your time with your murderous new friends?”

“You should not be here.” Illya practically snarls it. His heart pounds in his ribcage. He’s not ready for this. “I have made my choice, Solo. Go back to London.”

Napoleon stares at him. There’s something almost wild in his gaze. It’s so far removed from the composed, steady agent that Illya is used to that it almost frightens him.

“No,” the American says. “I came here for answers. I’m not leaving until I get them.”

Illya doesn’t have time for this. Napoleon really doesn’t have time for this. I’m sorry, he thinks, and hits Napoleon square in the jaw, hard. It’s obvious that Napoleon wasn’t expecting it, his head snapping to the side. He hits the ground with a grunt, clearly stunned. He spits out a bit of blood, and then makes his way back to his feet. Illya barely gives him time to straighten up before he hits him again, hating himself as his knuckles come into contact with Napoleon’s cheekbone.

“Dammit, Cowboy, stay down.”

Napoleon shakes his head and stands again, a little more slowly this time. “Is your revenge worth it?” he asks.

Illya clenches jaw and fist.“Yes.”

Napoleon manages to dodge Illya’s punch this time, slamming his own fist into Illya’s stomach. That’s when the Russian realizes, heart sinking, that Napoleon isn’t going to stop. Of course he isn’t. Not unless Illya makes him. Which means that as much as he doesn’t want to, Illya is going to have to hurt him if he wants him to stop. Like, really hurt him.

He aims the next blow at Napoleon’s right ribcage. The American won’t have fully healed yet, and a quick, powerful jab should be enough to break bone. He strikes with speed and precision and Napoleon swears, folding in on himself as he clutches at his side. Before he can recover, Illya kicks his knee and there’s a sickening crunch and Napoleon goes down with a cry. Illya hits him in the face, hard enough this time that the American looks dazed.

“I said stay down.”

And then Illya hears the sound of a gun being cocked. He turns, eyes widening, and shoves the gun down shouting, “Rostya, wait!” just as the man fires. The bullet cracks against the cobbled ground, barely missing Napoleon.

“What are you doing, Illya?” Rostya demands in Russian. “You’re late. Let’s kill that man and go.”

“You can’t kill him,” Illya says quickly. “He is an American spy. He could be useful. We’ll take him with us.”

Rostya looks down at the injured Napoleon, then back at Illya, eyes slightly narrowed. And then he shrugs.

“Fine. You’d better hit him again, though. He’s still conscious. We don’t want him to know where we’re camped out.”

Illya looks down at Napoleon, stomach twisting. The man is still conscious, but just barely. But he knows that if he doesn’t do it, then it will only make Rostya suspicious and both of them could end up dead. He crouches down and grabs the front of Napoleon’s shirt, lifting him up a little.

Forgive me, he thinks, and hits him again.

xxx to be continued…

#whumptober2023 #no.18 #“hit them harder”#the man from uncle #tmfu #fic #beat up #angst #betrayal #napoleon solo #illya kuryakin #tmfu fic #whumptober #my writing #my fic #whump #whump fic

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sabrinasfadingmoon · 1 year

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jealousy, jealousy, i am yours : chapter three, the safety of the moon

Description

When nerves are pinched there is only one way to go out, with a bang. Or at least that’s what Enid always does.

Dark prom was close, which only meant winter break was close, something Enid was not looking forward to. Along with that she had the knowledge that Wednesday met a boy the day she had gone to town.

School was hard, she had to study but all she could think about was Wednesday. It was almost borderline obsessive and she was starting to get worried for herself. Her wolf side made her so jealous sometimes.

It didnt help that they kept meeting. Enid thought Xavier was her entire problem but now there was this normie, the sheriff's son, Tyler. Enid couldn't hate him. She didnt have a reason for hate, but just him being a normie and the sheriff son gave her bad vibes.

What did he want with Wednesday? She kept thinking. Was he just trying to act out? Talk to the kids who went to Nevermore? Talk to the biggest weirdo he could find?

The questions spun and spun and spun till they rolled down a hill destroying everything in its path. Its oath meaning any train of thought and motivation enid had to study and actually not fail school.

Today though, Enid had to focus. It was a weekend and she was dead set on studying. She needed it way more than she wanted to admit. She spent most of the morning and afternoon hauled up in the library surrounded by every book ever.

She was tired. Her eyes hurt from staring at the words on the pages for so long. She blinked, but that didnt get rid of it. End groaned, rubbing her forehead and sitting back. She looked around the library finding only a few students.

Her stomach growled loudly, Enid cringed. Lunch, it was lunch time, or past it, She thought. Enid glanced at the stacks of books again trying to think if she should really leave. But the oncoming headache and the way the words on the pages were moving told her she should probably eat.

Enid got up from her seat making her way to the library exist. She would come back for the books late, she was nowhere near done.

The hallways were always empty on weekends. It was weird, but most students were outside or in their rooms. It wasn't like when classes changed and the halls were filled with constant crowds.

She would describe it almost as eerie, the darkness and horror aspect feel had her thinking of Wednesday all over again. “Dont do that,” Enid muttered to herself, rubbing the side of her head.

read more on my ao3 here!

#fadingmoon fics #wenclair #enid sinclair #wednesday addams #wednesday addams x enid sinclair #Wednesday Addams and Enid Sinclair #wenclair fanfic

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coldcrypt · 11 months

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I'm marco, 26yo cis guy from UK. I got into weight loss because I wanted motivation to stop drinking around april 2022, and ended up bingeing and purging on avg 3 times a week for abt 6 months. I relapsed back into daily drinking (litre+ of vodka a day) and detoxed in hospital at the start of the year, but have been finding it really difficult to stop and stay stopped, so I'm back here. I've nearly died so many times recently from drinking and I just keep gaining/getting more and more swelling &bloating. If any alcoholics/bulimics have advice for someone who cant stop shovelling it in to get a sustainable deficit, I'd appreciate it a lot. My goal is to be safe about it, but I'm open to anything that works.

I'm experimenting with different methods of weight loss, sometimes fasting, sometimes rezzing, but am very inconsistent. I binge v often. This is not so much an accountability blog, more like recording what I've learnt and just venting. My bmi starting around may20th was 22 ish, was 5th june 20, 4th oct 22.5,and now 20.5 jan27th. Have to get it back to 20, but goal would be 18 with low body fat %. My main goal is to stop drinking and get healthier (thinner).

To do list:

get compression sleeves for running

Things that worked:

going to meetings make it much easier to abstain and think abt other things than food -> much easier rezzing

being distracted by things unrelated to food

having good food options for rezzing prepped, like boiled eggs, or having a solid stock of staples like steak, yoghurt, fruit and veg

not buying food that I will binge on, if I buy it, even if its not for me, I will eat it and get fat

taking longer routes/walking instead of getting train (energy, weather and mood permitting)

peppermint tea

keep it in the day. One day at a time really works, it just takes practise to get into mentally

supporting blood sugar throughout the day, especially if going out/socialising/towards the end of the day (when alc cravings pick up). This is best done with small amounts of carbs following a rly high protein 1st meal

Things that I was doing before but that didn't work out well:

taking K supplements (just eat s. potato for carb allowance, is filling too and has loads of K, stops palpitations when intermittent fasting)

pho, miso or gochujang as soup bases. They are too salty and lead to painful sluggish bloat.

Oyster sauce is not worth the cals

Diet sodas. Caffeine dependence builds really quickly and teeth need help

olive oil for sautéing vegetables. Pointless cals. Fats can come from lean meats like beef steak, eggs and occasional avo as well as omega3 supplements

fasting. At 18 hours I feel like I'm goin mental and at 22+ the palpitations make it uncomfortable to move around or do anything at all

strength training (esp core) at home without equipment. Dont enjoy it at all, not motivated at all

watching hours and hours a day of ED documentaries, scrolling ED tumblr, and watching hours of foodtube every day. Obsession -> binges

hard avoiding carbs. Leads to massive brain rot and feeling morbid. Can't do anything. Inevitable binges, usually alcohol, or 4000 cal of food.

sushi is not really worth it. White sushi rice is too sugary. Its usually a carb craving in disguise, or something to get on the go and is expensive.

weighing every morning just lead to trying to use caffeine as lax and more chaos on energy levels, or obsessing and not being distracted.

Press ups make my joints click a lot. Planking is really boring and doesnt feel rewarding.

Using sex for stim instead of food and cooking

Curious about:

feta, olives and cherry tomatoes for satiety.

Broccoli and mushrooms (annoying to prep or dont taste nice when boiled)

chicken sausages for cheap lean protein (think they can be a binge trigger or lead to mental scarcity feelings but not sure if worth)

ways to make cottage cheese not taste shit (cocoa powder is not cutting it)

cardio > strength training maybe. Runner's high > nothing from strength training (that I ever felt anyway).

Finding a way to enjoy strength training

yoga and stretching for stim

skipping breakfast has really mixed vibes. Can feel completely awful, but can also make rezzing much easier. Can also lead to binges in the evening (because there's unspent cals in the budget). Probably best to stick to eating breakfast but keeping it high protein and not eating right away when waking up.

Experiment with meds timings.

minced turkey or discount fish for lean protein variety

ways to make eating salad not miserable, cos it does work rly well for getting a deficit. (Maybe herbs and lemon and chickpeas? Make in bulk? Quinoa? Binge risk)

_____________

New plan from 4th Oct '23 can't be strict bc cant track exercise cals without a phone for looking at time spent walking and running so will need to do a gross-in instead of net- in quick basic (aspirational) plan:

1000 cal deficit/day for the next month -> 1500 gross in/day allowance

NO: baked beans, bone broth, oil, paté, pasta, alcohol, caffeine, quiche, cheese, instant snack food, pesto, chorizo, hummus, meal deal foods reason: too sugary or fatty for their worth in flavour. Cause binges every time when rezzing. Not filling enough. Caffeine leads to crashes and the pickmeup is usually food.

LESS: bread, onion, ketchup reason: can be useful carbs in a pinch, less likely to cause binges than above (because they are only accompanied with protein). Onion and ketchup help with mental scarcity and support good vibes

MORE: fruit, veg soup, sweet potato, tuna, s. noodles, fruit juice, avocado, egg, steak, quorn, butternut squash reason: sugar cravings need to be comboed with fibre addition, or fruit juice could be useful diluted for emergency alc cravings. Everything else is lean protein and should be frontloaded in the day. Sweet potato is there for potassium and low glycaemic index carbs. Avo and s. noodles are contentious bc of price and fat/nutritional value reasons

ALTERNATIVES TO EATING: gaming, reading, weighing, cleaning, brushing teeth, counting cals, weights, stretching, running, walking, meetings. mostly overeat because of boredom and to break monotony in free time or to stim. These are alternatives that work and also make rezzing easier in other ways.

#pinned

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violetgreenlife · 8 months

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What colors represent to me and why-

White- When I think of white I think of snow and clouds, the relief of seeing white cover the sky with the promise of rain after seemingly endless scorching summer days. White is all light reflected, white is a barrier. White pushes things out and leaves space behind it for something new. The blank canvas. The beginning. The new year is celebrated under the cover of snow, as it muffles the sound and lets the world sleep, like a big midnight. It is beautiful, but it is cold, unforgiving, and uncompromising. Not all will survive the winter, but spring will come.

Red- rich, velvety, warm, sweet. Decadent cherries, soft-centered candies, the vanity of velvet cloaks and lipstick. Saying I’m not cold in my over-the-knee socks and miniskirt even though I very much am. Red is indulgence and not doing anything in half measures. Red is passion, it is love and it is hate, for those are just two sides of the coin of obsession. Red is lust—not just physical, but the greedy kind too. Look at me, look at me!

Pink- pink is safety and softness, I sit at this moment in a pink room, pink pillow supporting my leg as I lie on my side. Pink is the safe choice, comfy. But pink is strong. Pink is the man who I wish is known sooner, and his unending, innocent love for the world and for the simple beauties in it. Pink is the gentle love of wanting to hear someone’s voice forever. Pink is drawing fan art of your favorite video game. Pink is listening to your friend infodump about a new show they’re hyperfixated on. Pink is playing for the love of the game. The feeling in your chest when you see a puppy. What it’s like for someone to give you a nickname.

Orange- orange is bright and acidic, too much to handle sometimes but that’s what makes it unique. The feeling of finally, finally waking up well rested and motivated, the kitchen hasn’t been this clean in ages. It’s five am and you’re finally taking up dad’s offer to go hunting and you’re so tired and kinda cold but he bought a huge back of snickers and you can have as many as you want and you haven’t gotten to spend this much time with him in ages. Orange is native wild poppies you planted in the ditch on the side of the road on a whim. Get up and go. Go!

Yellow- school busses, pencils, the sun rising above the roof of the theater building. Yellow is learning. Yellow is spring, picking buttercups in the field and sneaking up to rub the pollen on your friend’s skin. The daffodils peeking up from the ground. Winter is over, and it isn’t quite so warm that it’s uncomfortable. It’s time to get working, but slower and calmer than orange is.

Green- what isn’t green, really. Lukewarm tea you drink in a gulp after forgetting it on the counter. The soft, hypnotic sway of long grass in the wind. Morning dew, pine needles, and fresh air. Things are growing, changing, expanding be it fast or slow. Older things are darker, the new growth is bright. But green is also other things. Green is a separation from the manufactured reality. Green is to look in the mirror and be honest: I know what I want, and what I don’t want.

Blue: blue can be the open sky, or the dark water of a lake. But blue is also slushies, and twilight, and my mother’s eyes. Blue is intelligence, deepens, infinity, and the murky depths beyond perception. It’s endless, and deep, and Knowing and kinda scary if you aren’t ready for it. But it also feels safe in its infinity, because it’s much to big for me to damage. And as long as I’m careful and don’t drift too far, I can play by the shore as much as I like.

Purple- purple is a friend of green. Not the same, but similar, it’s rare though, and hard to find. It’s a favorite of mine, when I think of purple I think of me! I think if lilacs, and how their scent fills my house every spring. Purple is loud, unapologetic, and personal. It is beauty in every sense, and it is home to me.

Brown- brown is cinnamon, brown is bread. Brown is garden soil. Nurturing, feeding, comfort. Brown is the tree first I used to make as a kid, the raw feeling of my hands after pulling on branches and bark, the satisfaction of building with my own two hands. Brown is steady, brown is kind, it may be plain but that’s alright. The movement is slow but continuous.

Black- black is nighttime, after everyone else has gone to bed, the world is quiet. Black is cast iron—for better or worse. Something that can be built up over time, but ruined in an instant by your mother leaving it in the sink for two days. The comfort of solitude, the agony of isolation. So good in the correct doses, but easy to mis-measure. I’ve yet to really find how to work with it. It is sweet, but it is temperamental. It is, physically, all light combined, none reflected. It is deep and complex and so, so MUCH. It is beautiful, and I am not used to handling such beautiful things.

#witchblr #witchcraft

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axofluff · 8 months

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Simon "Ghost" Riley || A to Z || 18+ (NSFW)|| Gn!reader headcanons

・❥・Let's learn the A to Z with Ghost! ・❥・Contains NSFW so read at your own risk ・❥・Masterlist

・❥・A=Aftercare: Mutual aftercare, you both would end up just cuddling after. Your head on his chest as he cuddles

・❥・B=Body part: Your neck, loves biting and marking you. Leaving hickeys to show you off. He loves the scent you give off and he'll plant soft sloppy kisses and nibbles. ・❥・C=Cum: Deff cums more than most men on average. Loves watching it drip out of you once he's creampied you if your both consent to unprotected sex. Would rather not stain the bedsheets if needed though. Has a condom on him at most times. ・❥・D=Dirty secret: He has no shame talking about your sex life when asked. Sometimes when he's with the boys and they have a beer or two he'll conversate about what it's like in bed with you. He never talks about you in a way that's dirty though, always saying how satisficed you make him feel and that the sex you have is heaven itself. He isn't one for slut shaming you. ・❥・E= Experience: Very little since he sheltered himself since he met you. When you both first got into the relationship though he researched before you both had sex for the first time. Wanting to make sure you wern't dissapointed. ・❥・F= Favorite Position: He loves standing sex, having you pinned against the wall. Often supporting you with his hands on your ass as he thrusts into you. He loves it when you also wrap his arms around you, having easy acsess to your neck. ・❥・G= Goofy: They tend to be more serious during sex, wanting to focus only on your pleasure. ・❥・H= Hair: He's well cleaned and trimmed. Not completly shaved though. He takes very good care of his pubic hair. Always making sure he's clean for you, ・❥・I= Intimacy: Sometimes he'll just fuck you long and hard but when he's feeling more needy he will body worship you and blurt out "I love you." and other sweet things. Stroking your cheeks and his hands trailing your skin softly. He tends to hold your hands when lying down, enjoying the skin to skin contact. He loves the way your skin rubs against his, touching and tracing every curve. ・❥・J= Jack off: When hes away he'll often do a quicky. Usually to one of your photos. His imagination running wild of what he could do to you. ・❥・K= Kinks: Ghost has a bondage kink, loves tying you up. He's pretty good with ropes since he's well trained with interrogation. Also knife play, loves dragging the blade across your skin as the cold metal dances along.

・❥・L=Location: His favorite location is your house, the smell of you everywhere drives him insane. Your bed sheets specifically. ・❥・M= Motivation: He looks forward to having you all to himself when one of you returns home.

・❥・N=No: Any kinks to do with rape fantasy's, Blood, shit,piss ect. ・❥・O=Oral: Is both a giver and a reciver. Loves getting blowjobs from you but is also down to eat you out. He loves looking up as he does so, seeing you squirm around his mouth makes his drive for you more. ・❥・P=Pace: Starts off slow and works his way up. Once he finds his rhythm he'll stick to it. ・❥・Q= Quickie: If you need to release he'll happily take you somewhere and finger you to get that satisfaction you need. If he's just about to go on a mission, he'll have you in the morning quickly. ・❥・R= Risk: Isn't into unprotected sex. He isn't ready for a child yet and is scared of doing so. You either take contraceptive pills or he wears a condom. ・❥・S= Stamina: Man can go on for hours, wants you to cum first before he does. ・❥・T= Toys: Loves watching you ride a dildo, or using a vibrator on you. Isn't the one to use them on himself though. ・❥・U= Unfair: Can be a tease in bed, will make you hold off your orgasm, often riling you up just before your release and will then stop, making you beg for him. When he finally gives you your release its the best thing you have ever felt. ・❥・V= Volume: Isn't the one to be loud, makes the odd grunt or moan but he's genuinely quite. ・❥・X= Xray: Average, is kept clean, has hair but isn't untidy, say around 6 or 7 inches. ・❥・Y= Yearning: Extremally high when he's back from a mission. He's certainly handsy with you. The first night back is nothing but hot passionate sex. ・❥・Z= Zzz: Won't fall asleep unless he knows you are ok. Always makes sure your comfortable and clean before he settles down.

Well there you have it! These are my NSFW Headcanons for the man himself. Hope you enjoyed :D

#cod mw2 #call of duty #ghost #cod ghost #simon ghost riley #ghost headcanons #headcanon #axofluff #call of duty modern warfare ii

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lostfracturess · 1 month

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nici (if i may) you're so nice while answering to all my blubbering mess 😭😭😭 you're so sweet really, always looking forward to your answers not just for me!!! this time i want to ask what are your personal favourite scenes to write and what are the most challenging? oh maybe they are the same?? and also what's the most fascinating and challenging in writing for you? sorry if you answered that already!

my personal top scenes are:

1. their first kiss oh my god it gave me HUGE pride and prejudice vibes (that rain scene), it was so intense and heart wrenching 😫

2. the whole chess scene, i already said this. the concept itself is very good, and this battle of masterminds when they try to expose each other 🤌🤌

3. y/n finding him before that surgery all high.... because of its overall vulnerability AND the last scene in the previous chapter when he's doing drugs from her back 😫 because it was SO sexy (and bad as well, but~~~)

looking forward to your answers!!!

yes sure! call me nici :) you're so sweet yourself! <3 i genuinely enjoy responding to your asks, love the chaotic energy!!

so first to the most challenging thing: what i find difficult is making sure the reader is getting everything? like as the writer you are aware of what each character motives are and their feelings and thoughts, but i never can be 100 percent sure it is as clear for the reader as it is for me.

at the same time i'm not a big fan of writing long inner monologue, i rather have much happening in conversation or action. so that is a thin line for me, to make sure everything i want to transpire is conveyed but still don't make it boring. if that makes sense.

also like variety in writing, like scenes, speech and all. guess that's more easy for native english people. i struggle sometimes to make the conversations sound natural.

lastly, consistency in character? so hard to really make sure that the character just doesn't change randomly and is coherent throughout the story while still making progress and growing.

what i really like writing is fighting scenes ahhhh. idk what about it, but i love when two headstrong persons just discuss and fight the hell out of each other omg. love when they yell and accuse and all that ugly things!! <3

also like everything angsty and hurtful. i don't actually enjoy writing fluff that much, or rather i find it often really cheesy and flat? i think angst is more my thing to write.

my favorites scenes are so similar to yours!!

rain-kiss-confession: yes. YES. loved to write this raw confession and him finally giving in. ahhhh, my heart aches just thinking about it. & rain just makes everything better.

chess game: love every scene where they are both like not backing down and clash head on against each other, because they both are stubborn af. also love chess as a way for them to talk truthfully. but also like the whole morning, with him checking on her and confessing how he feels for her and all that fighting ahaha. love wiritng fighting scenes.

bathroom smut: lol, idk but i loved the first bathroom smut they had ahaha. still think it was the best, because the pent-up tension finally broke free!

satoru being high before surgery: yes yes yes, yn finding him before that surgery and him being so hazy but when he finally can focus on her the first thing coming out of his mouth is "you look so beautiful". i'm weak.

him getting brains for her: you remember when satoru got human brains for them to practice?? and him showing her and saying "i'd anything for you"???? i'm weak.

training basketball: i know this was kinda short, but when they practiced basketball for the university sports festival in the beginning and it was still so like innocent and him approaching her to show her how to do it and asking "may i?" before touching her. I'M WEAK.

also every scene he does drugs off of her ahah. WEAK.

also when they play billiard with sukuna and they are so couple like. WEAK

this got kinda long lol. sending you all the love right back! have a lovely day/night ♡

#symptoms and causes #inbox

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spirirsstuff · 1 year

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[Part 1]

afterdeath thing part 2

part 3 (the last part) will be released tomorrow and a couple aftermath drabbles or parts in between that i timeskipped might be released over time if i write any

@skelle404 once again i know you like afterdeath

Geno didn’t end up going back to sleep that night. Instead, he sat in the dark, knowing that it’s illegal to move if an animal is sleeping on you. But he couldn’t sleep, so he sat on the couch, staring at the wall. Quite boring, but he couldn’t go back to sleep.

At one point, the raven stirred, flapping its wings a bit. Geno hushed it, gently stroking its feathers until it had gone back to a peaceful slumber.

It would have been a totally peaceful night if it hadn’t been for the bird on Geno’s shoulder. It would keep stirring, occasionally waking up. Geno felt bad for the raven.

When it was finally morning and the raven was also awake, Geno got up off the couch, holding the raven so that it didn’t fall off his shoulder. He walked over to the kitchen and made a few pieces of buttered toast, tearing off a bit for the bird and removing it from his shoulder, sitting it onto the table.

Geno sat down as well, watching the raven eat as he did. It was quite adorable, if he said so himself. Maybe the next few weeks wouldn’t be so bad.

Until the raven walked over to Geno and stole a piece of his toast.

“Hey! That’s mine!” he shouted, annoyed at the bird. The raven completely ignored it and ate the toast. The neighbors knew that odd noises coming from his house were normal, but he assumed that they might be a bit more concerned for the next few weeks. Yelling at a bird, they’ll probably think he’s gone insane.

Geno grumbled and went back into a kitchen, coming out with a cookie. “Oh, I’m so sad that I don’t have my toast, now I have to eat this cookie instead,” Geno said, mock sad. The raven looked at him, dropped the partly eaten toast, and walked over to Geno, a pleading look on its face.

“Oh, I guess I’ll just have to eat this cookie. Too bad that it’s the last one. Maybe if you eat your toast I’ll give it to you.” It most definitely was not the last one, he was lying. He might give the raven that cookie, but no promises were made.

The raven quickly hopped back over and ate the toast, looking up at Geno again. He smirked then took a bite out of the cookie. The raven looked defeated.

Geno laughed. “This is why you pay attention. I said maybe. I’ll give you one later,” he said, rubbing his phalange on the bird’s head. It leaned in, almost like a cat would.

Geno put his hand out for the raven to climb onto, and walked over to his desk once it did so. He sat it down on the clearest area he could find, picking up a pen and looking down at the paper. Blank and empty. He would probably stare at it for the next few hours and write down a couple words if he was lucky. Poetry could be hard without inspiration.

Instead of writing, he ended up watching the raven, making a drawing of it instead. He may not have been the best at drawing, but it looked decent. And the raven seemed to approve of it, as it sat on the drawing and didn’t get back up for a while.

“Like it? It’s you,” Geno said, looking at the bird. Maybe it really did notice that it had been drawn. Or maybe it sat on the drawing because it felt like being annoying.

The day passed like any normal day, except the raven was there and a mild inconvenience sometimes. It was nice to have the company, even if it was annoying company. And it made work both easier and harder. Something that could distract him and give him a slight boost of motivation.

Nights were longer, and seemed odd while the raven was around. Sometimes the would find something different than went he went to sleep, like the TV off, or another cup by the sink; things that you might have done, but are so small and insignificant that you could forget it. And sometimes he saw a figure in the shadows at night, tall enough to be a person, but not quite a normal person if the silhouette said anything. It could be a hallucination, weirder things had happened.

And the days just kept going. The raven kept Geno company as he worked on his poems, being an annoying little bird when it felt like it. Until three weeks had passed, and Geno decided that its wing had healed.

Carefully, Geno unwrapped the raven’s wing. He took it outside and gave it free reign in the air, but it didn’t go anywhere for a moment, standing in the yard.

“Bye, you silly bird. It’s time for you to go. You can’t stay here,” Geno said, looking down at the raven. It took another look at him, then the sky, and flew off. Geno had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time he saw it.

The rest of the day seemed bland. Boring. Like something was missing. It just didn’t feel quite right without the raven there, annoying him, keeping him company. He slept well that night, but it was a deep, dreamless sleep.

There was a piece of paper and a feather on the nightstand when Geno woke up the next morning.

“Thank you -Reaps”

Geno wasn’t sure who Reaps was. Maybe the bird’s owner, and since it obviously knew where Geno lived, the owner had it bring this back to his house.

As Geno ate his breakfast, he longingly stared out the window into the sky, hoping for something to come.

#IM SO SORRY I ENDED THIS PART LIKE THAT BUT IT ONLY SEEMED LIKE THE LOGICAL END FOR NOW #I SWEAR PART THREE IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH NICER WITH LESS ANGST #randomrambles

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soospiritualjourney · 10 months

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What led me to this moment now

I have felt not felt the need to openly share the following until now.

Looking back on my life, I can see where I came from. I saw myself as a young girl totally afraid not knowing how to deal with what’s going on, not having anyone to guide me.

Though the eldest of 3, I was a quiet and timid child. I remember episodes when I'd cry at the slightest things that happened and constantly felt a sense that no one understood me. I'd wake up at night feeling a grippling sense of loss. I’d crawl under my parents’ bed in order to go back to sleep.

I had recurring dreams of bus terminals, of sitting on a tree branch (seeing only my hands and arms), staging wars with zombies, and waddling in swimming pools. I also have dreams of drowning in unknown volumes of water and deja vu visions of moments in real time. I see illuminations of beings in my dreams.

As I grew older, sometimes when I was about to fall asleep, all of a sudden, I'd hear someone shout into my ear. In the wee hours of the morning, I would wake up feeling like death was sitting nearby waiting to take me and panicked. On some occasions I'd get this whiff of what smells like rotting flesh following me. I tried whatever I could do to keep that which I do not have explanations for at bay. I retaliated with anger and rage.

Whatever I was experiencing were never processed or talked about. I was part ashamed, part afraid of being different. As I learned to grow past and through painful experiences, each of these experience unknowingly became a spiritual lesson for me. They brought more and more of illumination into my life.

As I begun to develop my spiritual connection, I can see the uncoiling happen - the tightness and rigidity, the hard knot inside me begun to loosen up consistently over time. The ropes of fear was not tying me up in bonds as I walk around in life. In its place there was light, freedom and trust. I begun to trust myself. The trust begun to grow so most of the time it surpasses the fear I feel inside. When I feel fear I quickly tune into my intuition to get solace so my life is not dominated by fear.

I begun to understand that whatever I heard or otherwise wasn’t the devil or something evil in or outside of me. They were messages from the divine reaching out and communicating with me. I saw signs - feathers in the most unlikely of places, on my work table, in my car, between my feet at a swimming pool. I saw frequently repeated synchronised numbers on my phone 1111, 1414, 2222 etc. I notice birds and butterflies around me or outside windows on high floors.

So I grew from a frightened child into a woman who is confident of my abilities, who is not motivated by that primal fear, gaining a strength and a precious belief in myself. This is something I hope for you too as you begin your spiritual journey, that this trust and faith can permeate your being.

You’ll get a sense of how strong you really are and how layers of tension can be replaced by light and how you can expand to the potential of who you are and be of service whenever you possibly can. I strongly believe it can offer you liberation. The stirring of our souls is essential for us to be vibrant and happy beings here on earth. There is no beginning and there is no end. It is all is just a continuation of spirit. Being part of this flow, we can find peace and encouragement so that we can be radiant beings and live that and be everything we possibly can as human beings.

We have to put our foot down and make the commitment. We have to make our path and journey a priority. We only have this time on this earth and to spend it running away, using substitutes to avoid pain and suffering is a waste of our human potential. When we work on the highest timeline and consciousness of our being, we as well as everyone around us benefits—even the people we had to say goodbye to.

It is a choice, every single day.

#spiritual journey #energy work #self awareness #growth mindset #mindfulness #emotional strength #healing #consciousness #energyhealing #spiritual awakening #higherconsciousness #higher frequency #higher consciousness

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sookawaiidesu · 10 months

Text

this isn’t cheating.. right?

cheng xiaoshi x gwen

an au where you’re a hopeless, but determined photography student in college who happens to run into one of your classmates, xiaoshi, who helps you with a last minute assignment.

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in school, you were always the average student who’d just get by. not smart, but not dumb. never having any motivation for school, dreading every single day to come, always procrastinating, but always managing to get by with good grades.

you were never that popular, but you were never a loser either. as of right now in college, you’re basically the same old average student you always were. you don’t really have a main friend group and you just have friends here and there, along with one best friend. all of your friends make your days much better, making them have a little bit of worth despite all the dread you have everyday waking up for your scheduled classes. you can say you’re pretty well known, just like the average student of course.

gaining motivation is a hard thing for you. —which is why you often find yourself procrastinating many of your assignments to the very last minute. now here you are, sitting outside alone on one of the several benches around your college campus doing just that. it’s 2 pm and since you take morning classes, you’ve already been to them all. looking down at the canon camera in your lap provided by your photography class, you fiddle with one of the many complex knobs on the camera, spinning it back and forth. professor wu assigned a three part project due at 11:59 pm and you’re contemplating life right now, thinking about giving up because there’s no way you could even complete it by tonight.

this always happens to you; a professor assigning something days before the due date, you disregarding it for days and days, until you finally start reading the instructions the day it’s due.

no wonder she assigned this a week ago.

*bzz*

your phone vibrates in your pocket, indicating that it’s probably a message from your best friend, lia. you stop fiddling with the camera in your lap and grab your phone to see the following messages pop up on your lock screen.

lia: hiiiiii gwwweeeennnn :P

lia: you free to hang out?

you sigh at the messages because you know what’s about to happen. regret sinks in even more than when you were contemplating life just a second ago. lia’s a great friend, you two met in high school and you’ve stuck with each other through thick and thin. she knows of this procrastinating problem you have and how bad it gets because it’s almost like a routine, so she tries her best to help you but..

gwen: sadly no

gwen: catching up on some work.. as always… T_T

lia: aw, it’s okay we can hang next time

lia: but don’t tell me its the photography assignment i was telling you to do last week..

lia: you gotta stop doing this, it happens every time and you never learn gwen

gwen: ugh i know i know, i should’ve listened to you

gwen: i’ll figure it out somehow.. you know me ofc

lia: coughcough.. ..still should’ve listened..!!

lia: but you’re right, i do know you and somehow you always manage to find a way

lia: see you tomorrow then gwengwen

lia: and good luck~ ( you’ll need it )

you smile, long holding on the last message she sent to heart it then putting your phone back in your pocket. sometimes you feel like you don’t deserve a friend as sweet as her and despite how stubborn you are with this procrastinating problem of yours, she’s still always there for you, trying to help.

about to go back to fiddling with the camera in your lap, you notice a pair of shoes right in front of you as well as a sudden presence towering over.

you look up to see a familiar face smiling down at you.

cheng xiaoshi, one of your photography classmates, stands right in front of you, looking down smiling.

“hey gwen!” xiaoshi smiles and waves sheepishly, hoping he didn’t startle you.

“oh hi!” you say, caught off guard as you awkwardly smile and wave back.

“mind if i sit here..?” he makes eye contact with you, smiling, before looking at the empty spot next to you on the bench, then looking back at you for an answer.

you and xiaoshi have known each other since high school and you two were never really closely acquainted, since you didn’t really hang around the same crowds. though you knew that xiaoshi was a really friendly guy and not like your average snobby popular kid. he had a well earned reputation in high school that still stands now in college.

in high school you guys would pass by each other everyday in the halls where he would often wave to you, greeting you with a smile and a “good morning gwen!” loud and proud as you two would each walk with a couple of friends to the designated classes you were headed to.

a day never went by where he didn’t greet you good morning, unless you were absent of course. he couldn’t hide that it would disappoint him a little when he didn’t see you walking with your friends.

“yo, xiaoshi. you good bro?” one of his basketball friends shoved his shoulder playfully.

“huh?”

“oh nah, it’s nothing.” a bit taken back, xiaoshi laughs it off and shoves his friend back and they continue to roughly shove each other immaturely.

he laughs it off, but a little part of him in the back of his mind would always wander, wondering why you weren’t there, cheerfully walking with your friends.

“ah, sure go ahead.” you scoot to the side a little bit so the tall male has enough room.

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unfinished cuz i gave up 0_0

hope ya like ur fic gwennie~!

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