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wizkiddx · 3 years

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...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

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Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months. Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.”

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically, and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #Tom Holland angst

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rotten-away · 2 years

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Disclaimer: ed, body dismorphia (i think?), sex, abuse

Just a little dump of my thoughts rn

-- can anyone tell me how you can hide a part of your post so u have to click on it to actually read it, please? QQ--

I wonder why "making love" is a thing

Why is it so important for Most people

Maybe it should be for me too but it just isnt

I dont like it, i dont want it

Ofc i felt "the urge" sometimes in my life but id rather distract myself from the thought than doing the actual thing

I really do love my boyfriend, hes such a caring and sweet person. After everything i experienced before hes literally the purest person ive ever known

But, he really likes doing it

I know hes trying to not pressure me into it (Most of the times) but i hate it so much how he gets horny about everything

I feel like shit after a day of school and just want to cuddle for a bit when he gets home - he instantly wants it

He told me he cant change it, he likes doing it and so his thoughts cant get away from it. I know hes still trying his best to not ask too often

But it just feels so bad..

F.e. yesterday, he went to bed earlier than me bc he had to go to work today

He said good night but seemed a bit grumpy so a few minutes later i went after him and just wanted to cuddle so he could fall asleep better

Unfortunately he was horny like immediately and touched my butt etc

I was like 'babe u need to sleep u got work tomorrow' while trying not to start crying actually. Then his mood dropped completely and he was visibly disappointed. This always Happen when i have to say no to him

I try to do it as often as i can for him but since ive been feeling so bad lately i just cant get myself to it. And when i do, it exhausts me mentally so much that i basically have enough for the next 2 months

Idk its not that i hate him touching me, i love it when we cuddle and he wraps his warm arms around me and stuff, but i just cant seem to enjoy this adult stuff...

I have to do it though bc otherwise he wont like me anymore i think. He always Drops jokes about us never having Sex or Shows me some very sus studies that having less than 1 time a week is bad for health or having more than 4 times a week is good for whatever

I think he is deeply disappointed in me and the relationship, bc i do not give him my love the way he wants to

I think hes a very good person, but i am afraid that our needs to not fit together and he will leave me soon

Idk what i can do, i want to give him what he needs but i just feel so sick in this body of mine. I wish i could rip off my skin and fat or cut open every inch of me, ripping out my guts i just want to get rid of my body. So obviously i hate undressing or having someone Touch my disgusting bare skin, i just cant stand it it makes me so anxious

Anyways ill have to take a shower now and pamper my body a little, bc i think i will have to do 'it' today

I hate showering or having to look/Touch my body longer than i have to

It makes me sad though, every relationship i had by now Fell at the point of how often we make love

Everyone left me for it

One did not but forced himself on me, and one day i left him

Everyone else just got bored and disappointed of their girlfriend who doesnt want to do it 24/7

I want to be a kid again, not having to Deal with this

I dont want to feel dirty and disgusting anymore

What we do for love right

Im so sorry for him that he has such a shitty girlfriend like me

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dread-and-despair-dyke · 3 years

Note

Are you able to go for a walk? Preferably in a park or in nature? I know walking for 30 minutes to an hour while looking at nature or observing animals (or even just listening to music) tends to calm me down and put me in a slightly better mood when I'm in a bad headspace. Taking a bath, washing/doing my hair, using one of those face masks, etc. Anything where you're taking care of your body might help. And trying to be as present as you can and focusing on the sensation. I'm not the best at doing that but sometimes it helps when I get a little too stuck in my head.

I hope you feel better soon 💕

this is very sweet of u anon ily so much

it's like 11pm here rn, and i get anxious walking out in the dark so i cant do that rn unfortunately but i think ill try and go out tomorrow, it wld be good for me i think

as per recommendation of my therapist and other people here, I try to think abt mindfulness techniques and being present in the moment, but i think maybe i just need more practice on that kind of thing! since i can't currently get it to work lol ;w; i will try to get an early night maybe, and do some of these things tmrrw <3 <3 <3

going to ramble-vent aimlessly under the cut, nothing coherent

nobody needs to read this but its only in this post bc i thought abt it in relation to the things mentioned above

but i think somth i struggle with is having issues with depressive or anxious thoughts/emotions coming in if I'm not intensely preoccupied - e.g. if im showering or taking a bath (don't worry, i do these things anyway lol), taking a walk (dont do this one as often, whoops), other things where the activity doesn't require much 'thinking', I start to spiral into anxiety particularly in those moments where I don't have something to think about

And my levels of how preoccupied i have to be to avoid the anxious thoughts coming in have only gotten higher over time- now i can be trying to play a game or listen to music and bring myself back to focusing on it every 30 seconds or so, but I still manage to get anxious about whatever it is in my mind at that time. It is the same whether I am doing nothing, or am occupied with one thing, or occupied with three things; I can't let the thoughts pass through, they just stay in my brain stubbornly and don't leave until they've reached their conclusion half an hour later, at which point I am mentally exhausted from overthinking so rapidly for so long, emotionally exhausted from all the anxiety, and physically just kind of achy from standing up in a shower for half an hour. At which point, I get out and then lie in bed for the rest of the day because being alive feel so goddamn bad.

i think it's because, my mind not being preoccupied means I have to think about things in real life! ah, i get to think about such joyous things as: how absolutely incapable of feeling connection with others I am, how subsequently lonely i am, my actions and mistakes, the way that even my best efforts aren't enough for people, every hypothetical situation in which a problem might arise, how i should prepare for each of those hypothetical and unlikely problems, how i would fix any and every problem, how people perceive me, how i'm a burden to the people around me, the way that my best judgement will always still be 'bigoted' to somebody, my responsibilities that i have long abandoned, the people i used to know whose lives continue while i stay stagnant, the way that i can't keep putting off these issues forever, general existential dread...

...and other fun things to think about for half an hour while I stand in the shower forgetting that i was meant to be actually showering!

I have spoken with my therapist about these things before, I think. We talk through the logic of it, and of course there are always CBT sheets talking about how it isn't accurate to real life to think in such a way, and sometimes i agree. but even when I do agree, it doesn't stop the thoughts from happening. they happen whether i agree with the logic behind them or not, the logic is always biased in favour of assuming the worst outcome of everything, because that's just how I'm used to thinking. Because that's how life goes anyway, It's always bad, even if an outcome initially assumed to be 'good' happens, it turns out to be bad anyway, or at best it turns out to be just neutral.

There is no good, there is just hope sometimes, and love. But I don't have those things either! oh well. time to sleep.

#deepthoughtsTM #this one got uhh pretty fuckin long bois #haha what if i screencapped this and sent it to my therapist who i havent spoken to in months #im sure she would #uh #probably suggest i schedule another appointment with her #but i find talking so hard #i cant stay mentally present in the conversation bc im too busy worrying about how hard it is to stay mentally present in the conversation

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minminnie-shii · 4 years

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First Kiss With Ateez

“A/N: soooo i’ve been in a mood to write ateez things, because like, have you seen them?

so enjoy this cute ateez scenario

Kim Hongjoong

so this little bean

i may love him just a little too much

my bias is a whole king

anyWayS

him being the gentleman that he is he wouldn’t want to rush into anything

he gives you all the space and time that you need because well, he loves you

so when you're hanging out in the studio with him one day

he can tell that you're having a bad day

you're lying on the couch with a small pout on your face as you continue to flip through your textbooks

but he waits

he waits until you are ready to talk about it

“Joongie” you call softly

he turns around in his chair with a small smile on his face

you stand up from the couch and walk over to him

you sit on his lap facing him, burying your face in his neck

he wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly

he rocks you back and forth gently and hums to you

“is there anything i can do to make you feel better?” he asks while rubbing your head

you let out a huff and nod your head

you lift your head to look at him and stick out your lips telling him you want a kiss

he smiles and cups the back of your neck and brings you close to him

places his lips on your gently in a quick kiss

before he could pull away you cup his cheeks in your hands kissing him slowly

he would smile as your hands moved into his hair getting tangled in his short red locks

in the middle of the kiss, you would start to giggle happily causing him to pull away

“you know, its hard to kiss you when you're so giggly”

you roll your eyes and hit his shoulder lightly

“whatever, im just happy”

he smiles and nudges his nose against yours

“im happy too”

Park Seonghwa

so like

seonghwa is easily disgusted and likes to cringe at most everything

and you just happen to do a lot of things that make him cringe

the first time he tried to kiss you

you accidentally sneezed on him

so he was a tad against trying again

“seongie!” you called

you skipped over to him while he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth

“what?” he asked toothbrush still in his mouth

“can i have a kiss now?” you asked pouting

“no” he turned back to the mirror brushing his teeth

you stuck your tongue out at him and walked out of the bathroom

you let out a loud whine and fall onto his bed rolling around

he peeks at you through the door and smile softly

once he was ready for bed he would walk over to you as flopped onto your stomach

“are you having fun?” he asked

“is it because i sneezed on you last time?” you mumbled into the pillow

he would raise his eyebrow and sit on the bed next to you

“jagiya” you lifted your head to look at him

“yes seong-” your eyes widened as he kissed you quickly

when he pulled away you stared at him in shock

he chuckled and pressed another quick kiss on your lips before rolling you over

“can we go to sleep now?”

“no, i want another kiss” you whine lying on top of him

“go to bed”

you ignore him instead placing tiny kisses all over his face

he cant help by smile as he loves the feeling of your lips on his skin

he wraps his arms around your waist and holds you tightly against him

“all right, i think thats enough for one night” you giggle and rest your head on his chest

“i love you seongie” you mumble sleepily

his heart bursts as he presses a kiss into your hair before closing his eyes

Jeong Yunho

puPpY

all he wants is to kiss you

ever since the two of you started dating all hes wanted is to kiss you

butttt, he doesnt know how to initiate it

hes an excited little puppy who loves being around you at all times

one day he got out of a schedule early he stood outside your school waiting for you to come out

you walked out of the building with your friends surrounding you

“wah, look at that guy, hes totally hot” your friend said nudging your arm

you would smile and say goodbye to your friends and skipped over to him

“yunho”

his head snapped over to you and his large wide smile spread across his face

he would run over to you and wrap you up in his arms lifting you in the air

“theres my pretty baby, how was school today?”

you didnt respond just leaned upwards and gave him a quick peck

“my day got better because you're here”

he was shocked and stared at you with his eyes open wide

he became a stuttering, blushing mess

“d-did you just, i thought, i was gonna,”

you giggled and draped your arms loosely around his neck

“yunho, just hush and kiss me again”

he smiled again and dipped down kissing you

his lips moved against your softly and slowly

before he pulled away he pecked your lips once, twice, three more times

“you know your lips are really soft” he whispered

you giggled and buried your face in his chest

“yah, dont say things like that”

“why? does it make you nervous?” he whispered in your ear

“a little”

he laughed and kissed the tip of your nose

“come on, lets go”

he slipped his hand into yours and together the two of you skipped off away from school

Kang Yeosang

kang yeosang

mr easily flustered

this boy doesnt know how to be around you without bursting and blushing for hours

he could barely hold your hand without giggling for hours

so every time he thought about kissing

cue tomato face and awkward stuttering

the two of you would just be sitting there and he would imagine kissing you for the first time

he would immediately turn red and he would start to get nervous

you would seem him all red and worry that hes getting sick

“yeosangie, are you all right, your face is all red”

you would reach over and try to feel his forehead which would make him more nervous

he would fall off the couch and quickly stand on his feet

“uh, i’m fine, don’t worry about me”

you raised your eyebrow and crossed your arms over your chest

“okay, start talking” he looked at you in confusion

“what do you mean?”

“every time we’re together you all of a sudden get really red and start stuttering and then you run away from me, what is going on?”

he started to play with his hands and he couldn’t look you in the eye

you smiled softly and walked over to him

you took his face and your hands and lifted his face so he was looking at you

“do you not want to be with me? if you dont, ill be okay, but, i just want to know so im not being a burden to you”

his eyes widened and he should his head vigorously

“no, thats not what it is, its just, im nervous because, i really want to kiss you” he whispered

you smiled softly and your own cheeks began to heat up and now it was your turn to be nervous

he chuckled before rubbing your nose with his

“do you mind if i,” his eyes flicked down to my lips before looking at me again

you swallowed slightly before nodding your head

he smiled and tilted his head to the side he barely placed his lips against yours

it was a ghost of a kiss but your heart jumped around in your chest

once he felt you smile he kissed you deeper

your arms went to his neck and you held him close

“please dont think i want to leave you again, because i never will” he whispered against your lips

“im sorry yeosangie”

“i love you”

Choi San

we all know that san shows affection through his actions

and if he gets deprived of that

whiney baby activated

so when you came over to visit and werent giving all your attention to him

you better believe hes looking at you from afar, pouting

the boys wanted to show you some of the pictures they took while they were away in australia

they were all huddled around you shoving pictures in your face

you kept peeking over at your boyfriend who was sitting on the chair glaring daggers at the boys that were surrounding you

after a few minutes, you excused yourself from the boys and stood up

you walked over to san and grabbed his hand

“sannie, lets go lay down”

he stood up and slowly trudged behind you

you went into his shared room and plopped onto his bed

you looked t him and noticed that he was still standing by the door

“sannie” you whined

you stretched out your arms and made grabby hands at him

he looked over at you and his heart nearly exploded

he couldn’t resist you

you were in one of his hoodies the sleeves giving you sweater paws

your hair up in a messy bun with loose strands falling around your face

he sighed ran over to you flopping onto the bed next to you

“wah, you make it so hard to resist you”

he gripped you face in his hands and squished your cheeks

he smiled at you before kissing you softly

your eyes widened in surprise but quickly kissed him back

“thats for depriving me of attention” he muttered

you giggled and played with the hair at the nape of his neck

“maybe i should do that more often”

“no youre not allowed” he said before he crashed his lips to yours again

Song Mingi

just like yunho this little puppy would be so excited every time he was around you

but his favorite thing other then you is sleep

so most of the time when you two are together you're cuddling ready to take a nap

seriously this boy and his naps

you came over one day after school and hongjoong announced that mingi was already sleeping

you just laughed and walked into his room and went into the bathroom

you changed out of your uniform and into one of mingi’s hoodies and a pair of shorts

you put your hair into a ponytail and wiped off your makeup

you walked over to the bed and let out a sigh before laying down next to your giant boyfriend

when he felt the bed shift with your weight he immediately wrapped his arms around his waist

he pulled you into his arms and cuddled you close to him

“much better” he mumbled into your hair

you giggled and pressed a kiss to his cheek

“shh, go back to sleep”

he moved and rested his head on your chest letting out a sigh of content

“what did you do today?” he mumbled sleepily

“hmm, school was good,i get to play the piano in our recital coming up” he smiled widely and looked up at you

“my baby is so talented”

he placed a quick kiss to your lips before resting his head on your chest again

your eyes widened in shock as mingi’s soft snores filled the room once again

“wah, how can he kiss me and then fall asleep like that? hes so mean”

you flicked the top of his head slightly before snuggling close to him falling into a peaceful sleep

Jung Wooyoung

this boy^

definition of evil

“jagiya come on, i really want to play”

wooyoung was skipping around you while you were attempting to make something to eat

you were sick for these past few days and you were now starting to feel better

you still had a little bit of a headache and wooyoung’s yelling wasn’t making you feel any better

he took your hand in his causing you to drop the bowl you were holding

“ah, jagiya, are you all right? im sorry! dont move!”

he ran around the kitchen quickly cleaning up the mess that he had made

“im sorry, i didnt mean to, you’ve been sick and i haven’t been able to see you, i just miss you” he mumbled

you smiled and walked over to him wrapping your arms around his waist

“i know woo, im not mad at you i just have a little bit of a headache”

he immediately stooped down and picked you up bridal style

“uh, woo, what are you doing?” you asked wrapping your arms around his neck

“my baby girl is still sick she needs to relax and get some sleep”

he carried you into your room and placed you on the bed gently

he went to leave when you grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie

he turned back to look at you

“do you need something?” he asked

you smiled and motioned for him to come closer

he hunched over and brought his face close to yours

instead of telling him something, you grabbed the front of his hoodie and brought him closer crashing your lips to his

he was shocked and stared at you as you pulled away

you laughed and pressed one more quick kiss to his lips before lying on the bed pulling the blanket over you to hide your red face

“wah, youre a lot more bold then you look” he laughed

you pulled the blanket down and winked at him

“im full of surprises”

he laughed and shook his head while walking out of the room smiling as he could still feel your lips on his

Choi Jongho

“why did i let you talk me into this?” your boyfriend mumbled

“because you love me, and i have no girl friends” you pointed out

you put the bandana back on his head and pushed his hair out of his face

he continued pouting while you put your hair up into a bun and placed a headband on your head

you giggled and scooted closer to him pinching his cheeks

“youre so cute jongho you dont have to do this if you dont want to”

he looked at you and sighed he pointed at the charcoal face mask on the table and then pointed to his face

you laughed and picked up the jar opening it

taking a brush you began to spread a light layer on his face

once he was done you allowed him to do the same to you

he picked up the mango and kiwi one and began to plaster a thick layer on your face

“jongho, youre doing too much” you giggled

“shh, i know what im doing” he assured you

you rolled your eyes but allowed him to continue

once he was finished he had a proud smile on his face as he leaned back

“you did this to get back at me, didnt you?” he just twitched his eyebrow and smirked at you

“maybe just a little, you did say it would be fun” he said

you smiled and laid down, resting your head in his lap

“it is fun, because im with you” he scoffed and rolled his eyes

“why are you so cheesy?” you just shrugged your shoulders and looked at him

“i dont know, i guess it just comes naturally”

he smiled down at you and played with your hair

“hmm, i guess youre cute”

“im adorable and you know it”

he smiled and kissed you softly

you brought one hand up and cupped the back of his neck pulling him closer to you

he kissed you slow and softly

he kissed you until the timer went off for you to remove the masks

“hmm, this was more fun then i thought it would be” he laughed

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #choi jongho #choi san #song mingi #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jung wooyoung #kang yeosang #jeong yunho #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

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risrielthron · 4 years

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Who We Were

This took a good long while because there was a retcon in November of 2015 that kinda forced Risri into hiatus. When I brought her back for the paper in 2016, some details changed but still this was an eye-opening exercise of how I’ve grown as both an RPer and a writer. Anything that does not have brackets is the same.

Take a trip down memory lane, pull up the oldest ‘about’ post you can find for your character, and annotate what has changed and what has stayed the same in {Curly brackets}.

(I borrowed this from @alyssa-ward because what a cool exercise)

Originally posted October 4, 2015

Character’s full name: Risri Elthron Reason or meaning of name: combination of Mother's best friend's name (still alive) and her mother's sister who died - Rislana (best friend) and Kiari (sister). The Elthron family have mostly played a back seat in the history of the Kaldorei. {Both of these origins have kind of changed. Risri’s name became a place that her parents named her after, something that was important to her father’s family in an RP with her aunt. The last name Elthron was chosen by Risri during her exile her original family name is Kal’serrar.} Character’s nickname: Ris Reason for nickname: just a short form of Risri

Physical appearance

Age: 403 {she has aged 1 rl year each year since 2015 she is currently 408 years old} How old does he/she appear: to a human about 20ish {I actually think now she probably seems a little older to people) Weight: We don't ask ladies this! Though she looks healthy and toned. {I figure she’s whatever the average weight is for female elves} Height: Average for a Kaldorei {This has changed a bit. I have her just a tad shorter than Dragaur in human form so she’s 6’2” which apparently is short for an elf} Body build: She's not a body builder but her activities keep her in shape. Shape of face: Typical Kaldorei {She did not have a face claim at the time nor did she have art. Her face looks like this art the most.}

Eye color: White {I list it as silver now} Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: light purplish Distinguishing marks: Claw tattoo (gained during her Druid initiation ceremony) Hair color: Purple Type of hair: Long Hairstyle: up in a ponytail or straight down her back {when I first made Risri I had her in the pigtail hair style. I quickly didnt like how it looks and changed it to the long style she sports now. It has not changed since} Voice: typically soft {I imagine her voice and accent a bit like Gal Gadot’s natural voice} Overall attractiveness: again not really caught up in her appearance so someone may need to tell her and even then she will more than likely blush and stammer a thank you. {This has changed so so much from when I first created her. She knows she is lovely and she will probably think you want something from her if you flatter her appearance.} Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: For events: dresses...she has discovered she likes pretty pretty dresses. For class: simple black pants and a simple shirt {So this too has changed from when I first created her. She aims for comfort and style. She most often will be found in one of these} Favorite outfit: Dresses, she found a lovely gold and white dress that has become her favorite {I dont even know what dress this was but Im sure it was something from my early days on wra-I would say her favorite outfit is probably one of the ones above} Jewelry or accessories: She wears a button on a string around her neck. She fondles it every so often. {The button on a string has actually moved to her bag, she now sports a ruby necklace from Dragaur, her bracelet with several charms on it, and always has her camera}

Personality

Alignment: Good {I think I would classify Risri now as more neutral these days} Good personality traits: Loves animals, children, books, meeting new people (even though she can be shy, she enjoys it), giving, loyal {This is all true except for the shyness, I don’t actually rp Risri as shy. She may be standoffish but thats cause IRL I am shy but Risri most definitely has no fear of talking to people} Bad personality traits: shyness can sometimes stop her from joining in, when she is caught up in research she may ignore others not to be hurtful she just gets caught up {I think this one goes with the other, as for bad traits today, I usually say she can be stuck in her ways at times and can be over protective} Mood character is most often in: happy {I would say this is still true but she’s had her share of pain} Sense of humor: silly things make her laugh {Not so much silly things but she definitely has a more snarky is funny sense of humor} Character’s greatest joy in life: running in the forest as a cat {Taking pictures and being a druid are equal} Character’s greatest fear: the death of her mother {This has actually come out in RP as a fear of mind control. She would fear the death of her mother but mind control tops it.} Why? Her mother and her are very close (unusual for Kaldorei, as they grow up communally typically), travelling with her mother in her formative years they relied upon each other What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Ris would be devastated if something happened to her mother {I think the death of Latilda, and then when she thought Dragaur was dead, and subsequently the death of Suzi in the office are three of the most profound things that made Risri change some. Her fel contamination would come a close fourth Currently, if something was to really happen to Dragaur, Sky, or Selise it would mess up Risri for a while} Character is most at ease when: Researching {Funnily enough this might still be true, but I would say taking pictures is probably more} Most ill at ease when: at war {This is true, but as she found out both at Darkshore and recently when there are forsaken involved she has no hesitation in killing.} Enraged when: witnessing senseless destruction of sacred places or artifacts {I completely forgot that I chose that, but I would say it has not changed. She also does not stand for people she cares about being hurt, this one is tricky though and I often have to tame it down because of interactions with others.} Depressed or sad when: she is a pretty positive individual, depression and sadness are fleeting if they happen at all. {This has matured over time. She gets very introspective at times and definitely will seek alone time when she is sad.} Priorities: Learn about as many cultures as she can, current focus is Treants. {So long ago… Her priorities currently are her studio, Dragaur, and helping the Kaldorei still homeless.} Life philosophy: Learn, Learn, Learn then share it all! {This was definitely written back in my Stormwind University days. Her philosophy “Be kind. It’s worthwhile to make an effort to learn about other people and figure out what you might have in common with them.”} Character’s soft spot: her Sprite Darter "Flutter" {Also a certain worgen} Is this soft spot obvious to others? Sometimes {while I dont play it up too much she is very attached to Flutter. As for the worgen, yes when they are together it is clear she has a soft spot for the gruff one} Greatest strength: Passion for learning {This is probably still true but I would say she also is a pretty good photographer and a loyal friend.} Greatest vulnerability or weakness: Naivety of how the world really works even though she has travelled the two main continents extensively she has been sheltered by her mother. {This was one of the things I retconned out of her when I brought her back for the paper. Risri may be unknowing of some human interactions but she is far from naive in most cases.} Biggest regret: That one time at band camp...seriously she is young so right now she doesn't have one but this may play into her development and story later. {HUGE change here... in fleshing her out in RP the biggest regret is and always will be the incident that forced her out of the Sentinels but not the results because it let her become a druid so its a double edged regret} Minor regret: she forgot to tell her mom about the time she ...oh that might not be appropriate for here {Again a change that came about from RP, that she threatened Dragaur with turning him in. She would never do that and she said it in a moment of frustration with him during a fight. It hurt them both too much.} Biggest accomplishment: coming soon {Running the paper. Opening her studio. either} Minor accomplishment: joining the University! {so many things, her writings, some of her photographs, saving people at Teldrassil, helping the Kaldorei in Stormwind.} Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: she was almost not able to become a druid...story for another time {This also changed with the retcon, but I would say the time she spent before coming to Stormwind would be something she would not want others to know about and will probably not talk about to anyone.} Why? She loves being a druid so not being one… {I have thoughts about what she was doing but its not fleshed out. Maybe someday and I can revisit this.} Character’s darkest secret: She is a pretty open book. Maybe later she will have a "dark" secret. {So this dark secret is the fact that she killed 10 Sentinels. That also came with the revamp.} Does anyone else know? {Several people.}

Goals

Drives and motivations: Curiosity unusual for a Kaldorei and need to have answers to questions { I would say this is somewhat still there and aided her when she was a reporter, but her drives and motivations are deeper now and the result of RP. She wants to make amends and sees her work with the Kaldorei refugees as part of that.} Immediate goals: Make friends with the treant she met at the Grove of Ancients {Keep her business running, aid the Kaldorei} Long term goals: Become an expert in as many cultures as she can {Live} How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Locate writings and interviewing others, spending time with treants ((her contact will be sending her around Azeroth and Draenor to meet with others)) {So her plan for her immediate goals are tied together. She takes a good portion of her profits from the studio and the two books she’s published to fund her relief efforts} How other characters will be affected: may be pestered for any little detail they have about treants {Most of the people she interacts with in RP would not be impacted.}

Past

Hometown: Darnassus {God I was such a noob. Feralas is her home.} Type of childhood: travelled both continents with her mother {so noob. She spent her youth in Feralas, Ashenvale, and Darkshore.} Pets: Sprite Darter named Flutter and a curious little white kitten {I retconned the kitten. Its only Flutter} First memory: Leaves above her (could be why she is fascinated with the treants...) {I think I’ll leave this one.} Most important childhood memory: Her and her mother on a ship talking into the night {This can stay too} Why? The closeness she felt to her mother {Because of this reason}

Present

Current location: Elwynn Forest, Jazimina Amberstill's "Ranch" {Stormwind City, either Dragaur’s apartment or her studio} Currently living with: Jazimina Amberstill and Ritti {Dragaur} Pets: Sprite Darter "Flutter" Religion: Follower of Elune {no change, add wild gods} Occupation: Researcher {Photographer} Finances: moderate {no change though she has more wealth than she lets on}

Family

Mother: Kahrysta Elthron {Oh wow I totally changed her mother’s name.. Its Alistra Kal’serrar } Relationship with her: good {excellent} Father: Brezlin Elthron Relationship with him: vague memories, he died when she was still a child Siblings: none Relationship with them: Spouse: none Relationship with him/her: Children: none {though she briefly adopted Ritti before they found the gnome’s family} Relationship with them: Other important family members: Mother's best friend Rislana is like an aunt {her aunt Tara, cousins, and another aunt I dont have a name for.}

Favorites

Color: Green and Purple {blues could be added} Least favorite color: Orange {sorry Drag, but I dont think its true anymore} Music: any Food: Chocolate Cookies {See answer here} Literature: Any Form of entertainment: stories {plays, dances could be added} Expressions: "Indeed!" {Its not often I get to use it but I do like it} Mode of transportation: Winterspring Frostsaber, given to her by her mother when she hit adulthood (about 50 years ago) or flight form {Flight form. The frostsaber went away in the retcon} Most prized possession: her journal {Camera}

Habits

Hobbies: Dabbles in alchemy {more than dabbles now} Plays a musical instrument? No Plays a sport: no How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading a book, any book {taking pictures} Spending habits: thrifty {for herself this is probably true, for others she can be extravagant} Smokes: no Drinks: not normally {no change, but she will drink} Other drugs: no What does he/she do too much of? Read {Take pictures} What does he/she do too little of? Socialize just for fun {This is probably more true now since giving up the paper} Extremely skilled at: Keeping a team alive when faced with challenges when exploring {Photography, writing could be added} Extremely unskilled at: a lot of things but she does hate cooking {LIES...I retconned this. She loves to cook. I don’t know...but I am sure there is something. It would probably be something she doesn’t do and has no desire to do.} Nervous tics: not sure someone may need to point that out to her {She plays with the bracelet on her wrist when she’s nervous. } Usual body posture: relaxed and happy Mannerisms: polite {extremely so} Peculiarities: … {hmm, I am sure there are some that have manifested over the five years I’ve been RPing her. Perhaps how she will always address a human as their full name unless she has been asked not to and will still use Ms. Mrs. Miss. Mr. with that name unless she feels close to you.}

Traits

Optimist or pessimist: Optimist Introvert or extrovert: Introvert until she gets to know you then she might not be quiet {I would say shes more mixed now.} Daredevil or cautious?: A little of both Logical or emotional: Emotional {probably more mixed now though she can be emotional she just normally doesn’t let it show unless she is very comfortable with you} Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat: somewhere in between, depends on how wrapped up she is in her research but she does have a habit of cleaning up if there is a mess { I would say she is very neat. Sky drives her crazy.} Prefers working or relaxing: working {definitely would say this is still true} Confident or unsure of himself/herself: unsure internally, others probably see her as confident {a little of this still lingers but unless you are close to her you wont see it} Animal lover: indeed

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: an introvert who is more bookish than social {This is still kinda true.} One word the character would use to describe self: shy {Quiet} One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: A passionate learner and studier of peoples, loves animals, enjoys outdoors, and exploring is exciting. {A memory keeper, lover of animals and the outdoors, her passion for photography as a way to preserve memories is high.} What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? her passion for learning {her compassion for others} What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? her shyness ((its all in her head too, she really can be quite un-shy when meeting new races or investigating something though in social entertainment type situations she is at a loss)) {so retconned, she would say her possessiveness when it comes to the people she cares about.} What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She is unaware of her appearance most of the time {She likes her hair.} What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? She hates her feet...not really {I’ll keep this if only cause I dont know} How does the character think others perceive him/her: She sometimes thinks too much about this and sometimes it doesn't bother her at all {She is very conscious of being a Kaldorei business woman in a human society. She strives to show that her people are trustworthy and kind.} What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: her shyness {Since I retconned the shyness...I don’t know...Risri believes she can be a better person but its something that you work on each day.}

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: opportunity to learn {She is still curious about others and likes people watching. She thinks most people are good at heart.} Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others: hmm, I think this will depend upon the relationship and situation {Oh most definitely, this was honed during her time as a reporter where she hid a lot of her thoughts about things.} Person character most hates: no one (yet) {Elyza Morrowbranch} Best friend(s): her mother / Jazi {Sky Stoneseat} Love interest(s): none (yet) {Dragaur} Person character goes to for advice: her mother / Dean Crowelley { Dragaur, Sky, Selise} Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Ritti {Dragaur, Sky } Person character feels shy or awkward around: cute boys...oh ok anyone in an entertainment social situation, when she is meeting others for what she calls "research" she emulates her mother's ambassador ways as much as possible {So such a noob. She really doesn’t except older Kaldorei...she worries what they know of her past.} Person character openly admires: her mother and Rislana Silverwind {Who is Rislana Silverwind omg I totally forgot this was a thing. Will have to think of someone else as Rislana is a Draenei now. As for who she admires? Her mother, Selise, Sky, Eilithe, Feyawen, Anegorn, and a few others.} Person character secretly admires: Dean Crowelley {I don’t think there is anyone she secretly admires, if she likes you, you know.} Most important person in character’s life before story starts: her mother After story starts: Ritti, Jazi, and the university faculty {Dragaur, Sky, Selise}

If you made it here thanks for looking at the changes of Risri over the course of the last five years. Its been a long, strange, crazy trip but I wouldn’t change much about it. If you want to do this, I encourage you to! And tag me cause I wanna read!

#risri

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silverandarsenic-hcs · 4 years

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Ghost BC x Murder

im a simple girl. i have mental illness. i fantasize about being brutally murdered. is this problematic? 1000% yes. am i going to get canceled for this? 1000% yes. Have I been posting on borrowed time since that little caesars post? again, 1000% yes. Here’s this anyways.

TW: murder, blood, gore, manipulation (Papa II, Papa III), stalking (copia), domestic abuse (Papa III), substance and drug abuse (Papa II), Suicide (Papa II and Dew), Sex crimes - all consensual (Dew) these are about how they would murder you so im sure you can imagine the types of bad things it will entail.

Papa I: For him, it’s a fit of emotion that drives him to kill. One thing piles on top of the next, frustration turns to anger, anger turns to rage. He doesn’t mean to hurt people, but when he gets so worked up, theres nothing that can stop him. All he can see is red until he’s snapped back into reality and sees the red staining his hands and his favorite robe. With you, all you had to do was walk into his office after a few bads days in a row, more bad news in tow, and that’s all it took. He loses his temper on you before your brain can even register that you should run. Before you can even scream. He��s not particularly a weapon guy, he’s more likely to choke you to death or anything he can do with his hands. If he feels so inclined, he’ll grab the nearest solid object to crush you with. He feels remorse, in the end, but still covers it up and hushes the room when they speak about your disappearance. Decently classic case of homicide - its usually someone you know, crime of passion, unplanned.

Papa II: This one hurt me very deeply to write. His case was classic, when he was a kid. Everyone says that when an adult loses it, you could tell from the time they were a kid that they had cracks - too abnormal, or too perfect. Papa had odd behavior but Nihil never had him tested or even looked at for anything because his ego got in the way, and nothing could possibly be wrong with his son. And nothing was really wrong with him. Something just wasn’t right. He felt things strongly: love, hate, depression, elation, anxieties. Sometimes it was too strong for him to cope. Sometimes he would turn to things that would help him deal with the emotional rollercoaster he couldn’t get off of. Other people just got on with him. He started smoking weed in his twenties. That wasn’t enough. He started drinking heavily at 25. By thirty that wasn’t enough either. Stronger, more potent vices were what he needed. Cocaine. Heroin. Anything to make him feel okay - anything to make him feel. And you, you were the light of his life. The only good thing he’d ever known. You were the only person he had met who could keep up with him, but keep him safe at the same time. But eventually you got swept up in the parties and drugs and drinking too. Lost more control as the months and years passed. And one night he thought you were pussing out. Not being fun. That you were being boring and killing his mood. He pushed you until you did more lines, and kept pushing you and pushing you until your nose began to bleed. But he was so gone he didn’t realize. He pushed you and you accepted it because it was the first time you had ever truly been afraid of him. When you overdosed and died on the couch in the living room of your shared apartment, Papa had already passed out in the bedroom. It was three days before he sobered up enough to wake, and when he found you, he called the police and said there’d been a murder. But he knew what happened. He knew what he did. Cocaine has a funny way of making things stick like that. He hung up the phone, and before the police could arrive, took his own life the same way he took yours.

Papa III: In the beginning, he has a silly little crush. He steals glances your way. He brushes up against you and makes you blush. As you two talk more, he falls deeper. You two become a couple, an item. You tell each other you love them. Years could pass. You move in together. You don’t notice any cracks in him, but he sees them in the relationship. He saw you talking to the new guy at work today. What’s that, you had lunch with him? That’s interesting. He sees the way you look at the barista when he says your name, and hands you your coffee. You say he makes it the best. He sees the way your friends look at him. He goes through your phone once, when you’re sleeping, and doesn’t find anything. he kicks himself for months about invading your privacy and promises himself that he’s going to stop digging. But he can’t tear himself away. When youre in the other room, he’ll go through your purse. The next time he sees you smile at another man in passing, when you get home he confronts you. you say he’s being crazy. he says your crazy for cheating on him. he just loves you. cant you see? he loves you. when he finally chains you to the radiator in the bedroom so you won’t leave him, you’re shocked at how a man you once loved could be this way. When he finally kills you he’s begging you, with his hands around your throat, to understand that he’s not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He’s not a bad person.

Cardinal Copia: He stalks, but never gets close. Not like III. He’s aware of the mistakes of his predecessors. He’s smarter than that. More calculating. He would learn you schedule - morning routine, where you work, what you eat, when you get home, night routine, how long you sleep for. When you touch yourself. When you see your friends. At first it was from interest, but he begins to hate you. The way you walk, the way you talk, who you love, who you hate. And he wants you dead for it - but he wont be hasty, no, he’s still smarter than that. he has to remain calm and collected to pull this off. Hate you as much as he wants, he still knows you’re smart. Not as smart as him, but smart. Its thursday night, and you’re home alone getting ready to go out to the new bar in town with your friends. he climbs into the kitchen through a window he knows you leave unlocked for when you yourself forget your keys and need to break in. In the end, he slits your wrists with a knife he pulled from the wooden block on the counter. Good thing he followed you to work and school, he knows your handwriting wonderfully. He watches you bleed out on the floor while he writes your suicide note. You have never met him in your life. Good thing he always wears those gloves to keep everything clean of fingerprints, because the cops never suspect any foul play, and no one has a clue.

Swiss: He doesnt get close to his victims - he doesn’t have time. When you’ve gone through this many people, you start to forget their names, if you even knew them from the start. He takes jobs as an assassin when he needs the money - and it does pay well - but whenever he needs to blow off steam he’ll really go at it. Get creative. He’s a weapons guy, gun by choice but he’ll really use anything, and he knows each in his collection very very well. But in his eyes he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s killing people that deserve to die, for good reasons (Edward Cullen who??). Racists, fascist, misogynists, homophobes. He was on the news once for throwing a brick at a nazi. You’re the anomaly on his list of victims though. You were an accident of sorts. He got sloppy with one of his jobs, got noticed, and the vic took a hostage - cue you walking into the back room at work at the wrong time - the only way he can get his shot in without risking his own life or alerting others is to shoot right through you. And now that he’s been noticed, he can’t give up the job and run. He memorizes the details of your face before he pulls the trigger, and kills you and the man with his arms around your torso in one shot. He feels the worst out of everyone. Attends your funeral, but stands very far back. Something about your face, the look in your eyes when you died. He thinks about you often, for a long time. When the exact dip of your nose and contours of your cheekbone begin to fade, he pulls a picture of you he cut from the newspaper from a shoebox under his bed. If he regrets any of the bad things he’s done in his life, it was hurting you.

Aether: He’s the one you don’t expect and he knows it. He’s the cult leader of the group - but that doesn’t make sense. He’s not even a leader in any capacity. He’s no Papa, not even a Cardinal. He doesn’t even lead the ghouls, really. But people trust him, and respect him, and that’s enough. The most pull he has in the church is being what you would compare to an advisor for the cardinal. helps him make decisions here and there. They get more drastic as things go on, and the church slowly burns itself down, but Copia is the only one people blame, including Copia, because Aether makes him believe every choice he made was his own idea. Eventually, when the cardinal has become useless, Aether will have him removed. By whatever means he has to take, but ideally not murder, it’s too early to have blood on anyone else's hands in his name, and far too early to have blood on his own hands. Aether promises to rebuild the name of the church, and fix everything the cardinal destroyed, and make things better.. Make people happy, and health again. And every single person drinks the kool-aid. Soon, rather than worshipping any Dark Lord or Old God, people are worshipping Aether. People believe in him with their hearts and souls. People believe he’s the savior. You are the anomaly. You were close with Aether before all of this started, before he was even the cardinal’s advisory. You just think the power has gone to his head, and blame the cardinal with the rest of him. But when you start digging, you realize it’s been his plan all along to have complete and total power To start his own cult. To be worshipped like a god in a place that was built for it. Your death is a stepping stone on the path for Aether to achieve ultimate power, but of all the stones cast, yours was the only one that meant anything. He didn't want to have to kill you. He didn't want you to defect, and put everything he'd worked so hard for at risk. He couldn’t have that. But the road to his ultimate power ends with his own death too - you can’t really be appreciated for everything good you've done for the world until you die, and he knows that. But until then, he will think of you often.

Dewdrop: Kills you for sexy reasons. Not because you wont sleep with him, or he wants to actually hurt you, but because you both got too swept up in the moment. There’s a movie called Sexual Predator and he’s pretty much the guy in that. One minute he’s got his belt wrapped around your throat, tugging on it hard while he’s hitting it from behind. He’s too caught up in the moment to realize you’ve gone limp on the bed. He doesn’t realize anything is wrong until he finishes. And it’s bad. Oh it’s bad. Unlike every other crime he’s committed, he calls the police, and he’s honest about what happened. He’s disgusted with himself. He’ll never have sex again. He’ll never wear a belt again. He’ll never touch another person’s throat again. He’s sentenced twelve months incarcerated along with probation and some hefty fines. Everyone knows what he did, how he did it. You were friends with all his friends - You weren’t together, but you were friends. And they all know he killed you. If any of the above are likely to have their own suicidal thoughts after the murder, Dew is the most likely to do it. He can’t stand the way everyone treats him after he did it. He can't stand living knowing what he did to you and what hes capable of. He can’t go on like this.

Cirrus & Cumulus: When they kill it’s for each other. In a LOT of other HCs i mention that II’s solution to things is to simply “kill them” if they’re bothering you, but the girls actually just do it. If someone touches Cirrus in a club, Cumulus will absolutely pull a gun out of her back pocket and blow their brains out right there. Good thing for the masks. They’ll spend the next few months or years on the road, saying under the radar until it’s safe to go home again. The ghoulettes have a lot in common with Swiss - they kill for what they believe to be a good reason. The difference is that Cirrus and Cumulus aren’t opposed to the more gorey ways of doing it. Torture, manipulation, blackmail, you name it they’ve probably done it. They know a lot of dirty things about a lot of big people, and at their whim they could have all their hearts desire. Trouble is, knowing everyone’s secrets is just a little bit more fun than that. They’ll kill to protect their friends and family, anyone who has ever unintentionally hurt an animal, and anyone that’s standing in their way. They’ll even collaborate with Swiss on a job if it’s gonna take some more elbow grease, and he needs people he can trust to get the job done without leaving behind a crumb trail of evidence.

- Kat

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watchmegetobsessed · 5 years

Text

Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 12

yoooo im back with a new part!! okay this sounded like im a shitty rapper.. im really losing my shit lately over school but whatever... anyway, enjoy! shower me with your thoughts!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11

I’m an emotional wreck when I get into the car and Nick greets me with a friendly smile. The silence is comforting, though I miss the country music Shawn used to play every time he was in a good mood.

I’m not a nail biter, but I nibble on them as we are getting closer and closer to Shawn’s place and I’m trying to come up with a plan on how I want to do it. Should I just blurt it out or should I build it up properly like a speech that ends with me telling him that he is going to be a father?

None of the options seem to be right, so after a while I give up and decide to just go with the flow.

When Nick rolls into the garage my nerves are exploding and my hands are shaking when I get out of the car. I take the elevator and I feel like my stomach was left in the garage when the elevator moved up.

The door opens and I walk into the familiar apartment. I hear his singing voice coming from the kitchen even before I could see him and it immediately brings a smile to my lips. I don’t know what I was expecting to see or how I imagined our first meeting after our emotional goodbye, but it feels… normal.

I walk into the kitchen and he looks up at me from the instant soup he is making and a wide smile dances to his beautiful face. He looks just as handsome as I remembered, his hair is now a bit longer, a curl is dancing on his forehead with every movement, but it’s beyond adorable. I have to fight the urge to curl it to my finger.

“Hi!” he greets me and stepping closer he pulls me into a hug, and I feel like I’m finally safe and home.

“Hi,” I whisper against his hoodie as I wrap my arms around his waist. Smelling his scent makes is even harder to peel myself off of him when it’s long over the friendly duration for the hug. “Instant soup, huh?” I ask hoping to make myself forget about the aching pain in my chest that I’m feeling now that he is standing next to me again.

“I don’t have lunch or dinner dates anymore, so I’m more often stuck here alone. And I’m still not a chef,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“Ordering is still an option, you know?”

“I… haven’t been quite in the mood to talk to strangers, not even a delivery guy,” he mumbles anxiously as he puts a spoon into the soup and stirs it. Steam is dancing above the bowl indicating that it’s still pretty hot, so he doesn’t attempt to taste it, just lets it sit on the counter.

I can relate to how he is feeling and I’m surprised he shared this detail with me. I was afraid he would be distant and sullen with me, but his honesty is calming me.

“Do you want a glass of wine or something?” he asks walking over to the fridge. I almost say yes immediately, some alcohol would definitely work for me, but then I realize that I can’t. Because there is a teeny-tiny baby in my stomach now.

“Um, no thank you,” I shake my head and watch him grab a water for both of us.

“So, not that I’m rushing you, but I’m really curious about what you wanted to talk about.”

We make ourselves comfortable on the couch and I feel my anxiety coming over me. I have no idea how to do it, but I can’t just blurt it out. I need time to think.

“I… I’ve been missing you.”

He gives me a doubtful look and I’m afraid he can see through me, but then he doesn’t question if this was my original intention. But I start talking again just to be sure.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I just couldn’t get you off of my mind. I know I was the one who wanted to end everything, but… I guess I can’t do it.”

I feel horrible. I should have told him straight away instead of talking bullshit. Well, okay, it’s not bullshit, it’s true, I’ve been missing him as hell, but this is not why I came here.

He runs his hand through his hair and I think back of the time I used to do this without a second thought. Now I’m sitting next to him with a decent gap between us, so our legs can’t touch.

“I missed you too, Naya. So much. But… what do you want to do? I mean… I’m happy to start seeing you again, but we have to figure this out, how we want to make it work.”

I nod with a blank stare and I don’t know what I can say. If I don’t tell him about the pregnancy test I’m just fucking everything up, making him believe things are turning right and we can start over again, when truth is, everything is about to turn upside down.

For my luck, his phone starts ringing somewhere in his room and he excuses himself rushing into the room to answer the call.

I growl angrily as I reach for my bag and grab the test. I stare at it and can’t help but grimace. What am I doing here? I can’t ruin his life, I was the stupid one who forgot to take the pill, so it’s all my fault. A child would blow up his whole life and I can’t put up with the thought of messing everything up for him. I shouldn’t have come here.

I jump when I realize he is walking out of his room and in my sudden confusion I tug the stick to my coat’s pocket hiding it as I jump to my feet. I have to leave before I fuck something up.

“Where are you going?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

“I-I gotta leave. I’m sorry.” I mumble nervously as I head to the elevator, but he grabs my arm and… and everything happens too fast.

His grip is not too hard, but it’s strong enough to pull my hand out of the pocket and the stick slides out with it as well. It falls to the floor and the clinking makes me jump. I totally freeze right at that moment, giving Shawn the chance to reach for it.

As I watch him pick the test up from the floor I hold my breath and pull my shoulders up, as if I’m afraid he is about to explode. He hold it between his fingers, stares at it for the longest few seconds before his eyes slowly move up to my face. I’m biting my lips, feeling the tears dwelling in my eyes.

Why didn’t I put the damn test back into my bag? Why am I such an idiot?

“Shawn, I-“ I start, but I don’t get to finish, he cuts me off.

“Is this yours?” he asks in a firm voice. I nod.

“I took it this morning. I threw up last night and realized I’ve been late for over a week, so I bought the test and…”

“Did you do it on purpose?” I hear his next question and the words freeze to my tongue.

“What?” I manage to say.

“Did you get pregnant on purpose? Were you planning on it?”

His expressions are hard, he seems mad and it’s scary to see him like this. I didn’t want to upset him and his questions catch me off-guard. I stare at him in disbelief, but it soon turns into anger. How can he think I did this on purpose?

“Sure, I thought it would be fun to mess up my and your life as well!” I snap back angrily. “Of course I didn’t! I forgot to take the damn pills!” I growl as I snatch the test from his hand. Now I’m raging and I’m offended by the accusation.

“You told me not to worry about it! And yet, you have a positive pregnancy test in your bag now!” he retorts just making it even worse.

“I’m sorry, I was too busy trying not to fall apart! I’m sorry I’m human! But if you think I did this on purpose then I’m leaving now. It was a mistake to come here.”

I turn around furiously, but he grabs my arm again holding me back. When I turn back to him his face is completely changed. He doesn’t seem mad anymore, more like… desperate.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry! I didn’t… I just- I’m in shock, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“And you think I’m not shocked?” I scoff in disbelief. “This morning I found out that I’m pregnant, I came here to find comfort and maybe to find out what we should do now, and then you accuse me of doing it on purpose!” Tears are running down on my cheeks and though I try to push him away, he pulls me to him and closes his arms around me no matter how badly I’m trying to get away from him. “I’m so fucking shook, I’m terrified and I really thought seeing you would make me feel better, but I’m still so afraid.”

Now I’m full on crying, I’m sobbing into his shirt but he doesn’t seem to care. His strong arms hold me tight to his body and I just want to stay like this forever. He is stroking my hair gently, soothing me without letting go of me. I’m glad he is holding me because my knees feel like jelly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I wasn’t thinking. It’s okay baby,” he whispers into my hair pressing a kiss to my temple.

“I’m sorry for raging so bad. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster in the last 24 hours,” I mumble wiping my tears off of my face, but I know my eyes has already swelled and as red as a tomato.

“It’s fine. Come on, let’s sit down and talk, okay?”

I nod my head and he pulls me back to the couch. He gently takes my coat off and sitting down he pulls me close, circling an arm around my shoulders. His body’s heat is attracting me like I’m a bug and he is the only light in the room. I cuddle to his side and enjoy the momentary silence as I slowly realize I’m somehow relieved. The secret is out, he knows about the test, now we can focus on figuring out everything else.

“I’m sorry about the pill. I should have been more careful, it’s my fault,” I mumble and looking up at him I my gaze meets his soft eyes. All the anger and doubt is gone by now, I have my soft Shawn back, thanks God.

“Don’t say that. I should have been more persistent about using a condom too. We are in this together. But we really have to figure out the next step.”

“The next step is that I have a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. These test are pretty reliable, but I need to see a professional as well.”

“Cancel the appointment, I’ll get you one in a private hospital. They are very trustworthy and we can sneak in without getting noticed.”

I don’t protest, I’m more than happy to keep it a secret for as long as possible. The last thing I need is to get recognized as I’m going to the gynecologist with Shawn.

“And we have to tell at least Andrew. He would kill me if something got out without him knowing about it.”

“He is going to hate me for life,” I sigh sadly, shutting my eyes closed. He runs his hand up and down my arm soothingly.

“Hey, don’t worry. Andrew is a smart guy, he doesn’t hold a grudge for nothing. And as I said, I was there too when…” His other hand gently slips under my sweater to my stomach. “When this baby thing happened. You remember?”

His playful smile calms me a bit. I’m suddenly very aware of his warm palm on my stomach and it’s so strange, to think about the tiny baby in my stomach.

“Shawn?” I speak up after a few silent moments.

“Hm?”

“I’m scared.” My voice is just a dying whisper and the damn tears are flowing again from my eyes, I can’t help it. Startled from my sudden mood change he sits straight up so he can look into my eyes, he cups my face in his hands and runs hid thumbs across my cheeks.

“Don’t be. It’s going to be alright. I’m not letting you do this alone, okay?” I nod my head sniffing like a little child. “I know it’s very sudden and scary, but you are not alone. I’m here and we are in this together.”

Now I’m crying because he is the sweetest person alive. His kind and soothing words comfort me like nothing on the world and even though this is a shitty situation I’m still happy I get to do this with him.

“I just… Don’t feel like I’m ready for this,” I choke out shaking my head.

“You will be ready for this when the time comes. I know we can make this work, okay? Just… don’t give up. We have someone else to think about now,” he lets out a small chuckle making me laugh through my tears.

Thanks to the emotional shock we both went through we doze out on the couch soon. When I open my eyes it’s already dark outside, meaning I spent almost half of the day napping with Shawn on his couch. His arms are hugging me protectively as he is spooning me from behind. I don’t want to wake him up, but one, I really have to pee and two, it’s time for me to leave, I don’t intend to spend the night here. Our situation doesn’t mean we are back on track.

I successfully peel myself out of his grip and make it to the bathroom. After quickly taking care of my business I check on him, he is still sleeping, now hugging a pillow to his chest. I take a moment to admire how peaceful he looks right now. No drama, no worries, just his angelic face that I still love so dearly.

As I feel myself getting emotional I turn away and grabbing my stuff I leave. I don’t call for Nick, I get a cab and head home.

I guess my message is clear to Shawn, he doesn’t call me that day. In the morning he texts me that he is picking me up at the café to go to the clinic and he also lets me know we are having a meeting with Andrew and Justin later, though I have no idea who Justin is. Definitely not Bieber.

Elisa is not home when I wake up, I’m thankful I don’t have to face her, she knows me too damn well and I know it would take one look and she would know something is off. I need more time to figure things out.

I have a beanie on and my scarf is covering half my face so I’m not recognizable. From my previous month spent with Shawn I expect him to be distant and moody after I left without a word yesterday, but I guess the situation is different now. I’m welcomed with a bright smile as I sit into the car.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asks me kindly.

“Um, fine. I was a bit nauseous in the morning, but I’m better,” I sigh tiredly. I leave out the part where I spent ten minutes kneeling next to the toilet because I was pretty close to throwing up. “Who is this Justin we are meeting later?” I ask.

“Justin Stirling. He is in my team, he has been doing a lot of marketing stuff for me lately, but he was busy with family stuff last month.”

I nod my head noting the information. The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. I feel so strange, before this whole pregnancy drama Shawn was always the dominant one, especially because he was kind of my boss. But now he looks so lost and confused, my news yesterday must have thrown him over the edge. He is looking out for my every mood and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

We make it into the clinic without anyone noticing us. This is definitely not how I imagined my first trip to the doctor when I become pregnant. It’s far from idyllic, I’m nervous, my hands are shaking so I hide them in my pocket, Shawn is like a jumpy kid, looking out for everything around us.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Hosier, please, come in,” the doctor greets us. She is a lovely middle-aged woman with a warm smile which is quite calming. We follow her into the room and while I sit up on the white bed Shawn takes place next to me. “So tell me, what do we know so far?” she asks as she is getting ready for my examination.

“Um, I’ve been late for about nine days now, in the past two days I’ve been feeling nauseous and I threw up once. I took a test and it came out positive.” I’m nervous to talk about it with Shawn right next to me, but I try not to think about it.

“Okay. Any pain maybe in the lower stomach?”

“No,” I shake my head.

Soon my pants and underwear comes off and I sit with my legs up while Dr. Hosier is facing my lower half. She keeps asking me questions, I just stare up at the ceiling and answer them like a robot. Shawn looks tensed as he is looking at the doctor.

“I’m going to do an ultrasound quickly,” she informs me she helps me put my legs down. I’m trying to breathe evenly as she pours some jelly on my stomach and starts roaming it with that… something. I don’t even know what these things are, this is how unprepared I am!

All three of us is staring at the screen that is filled with black and white void, I don’t see anything, but the Dr. Hosier freezes the picture and puts a circle around a teeny-tiny dot in the lower part of the image.

“Well, I have news. You are in fact pregnant, Miss Duvall and that little dot is the baby.”

I guess she can sense how unwelcomed the situation is, so she keeps her congrats to herself. She quickly tells me that we need to reserve another appointment soon, she talks about vitamins and useful information while I wipe my stomach clean and get dressed.

“Here, this is for you,” she tells me handing me an envelope. Opening it I see two copies of the ultrasound picture. I just thank her quietly wanting nothing more than to just finally leave the clinic. It is official now, I’m pregnant.

The realization hits me hard across my face as we walk out of the room and head to the car. Neither of us is talking, I’m scared, mad and desperate about the situation and I’m pretty deep in my thoughts when Shawn takes my hand and stops me before I could walk out of the building.

“Naya, let’s… talk for a minute, okay?”

I just nod my head as we sit down in two seats in the corner. No one is batting an eye at us fortunately.

“I, uh- I just wanted to tell you that… I know it’s scary and everything, and Andrew will probably explode when we tell him, but… I’m totally in.”

“In what?” I ask confused.

“In this. In us, in investing in this pregnancy. I want to be part of it, no matter how crazy things will get. And I guess I’m not saying anything new if I say I want us to… continue from where we were before things went downhill.”

“Things didn’t go downhill, our work came to its end and I did the logical thing.”

“But this is not work anymore. I want to give us a chance.”

I stare at him with mixed emotions. I don’t know what I want, I need time to figure out my next step. I have so much to worry about now that my feelings for Shawn must come second… or third… I’m more worried about what Andrew will say, how I’m going to work and what will people think if it ever gets out.

“I need time. It’s just too messy for me now. I’m sorry, but… I need to figure everything out.”

I can tell my answer doesn’t satisfy him, but he doesn’t protest. Pressing his lips together he nods shortly before we continue our way out of the clinic.

I’m shitting my pants when we reach the office complex where we are supposed to meet Andrew and Justin. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m sure it won’t be too pretty. Shawn tries to calm me telling me that it will be alright, but I know we are in trouble.

Shawn knocks on the door that has Andrew’s name on it and when we get the approval he opens the door.

“Ah, hey! I didn’t know you would be here too,” he immediately says when he sees me, confusion all over his face as he shakes hands with Shawn shooting him a questioning look. But he just ignores it and turns to the other guy in the room.

“Hey man, this is…” he starts gesturing at me, but he is not sure which name to use, so I step ahead and hold a hand out for Justin.

“I’m Naya. Hi.”

This is already over the work relationship I formed previously, my real name is justifiable. I see Andrew’s surprised face from the corner of my eyes and I know he is a smart guy, he must be putting the picture together slowly. But I bet he has no idea about the bomb we are about to drop onto him.

“Hey, Justin. Nice to meet you,” Stirling shakes my hand and soon we all take our places. Andrew is behind the desk, Justin is leaning against the bookshelf in the corner while Shawn and I are sitting in front of them.

“So, what is this meeting about?” Andrew questions. I turn to Shawn and he is already opening his mouth to answer.

“I have something to tell you, but I hope you won’t get mad. I just want you to listen to me.” Andrew nods and Shawn continues. “So… During the one month Naya and I kinda got cozy, if you know what I mean. In the last two weeks things escalated quickly, so it all took a romantic turn. But, um, w-we ended it when the month was over,” he adds and I’m staring at Andrew, trying to read his expressions, but I can’t. He is like a statue.

“Okay, go on, what is the problem?” he asks leaning back in his seat, but I have a feeling he already figured it out, because when he looks at me I can feel his eyes burning into my skin.

“We made a very reckless and immature mistake by… Um, we- we didn’t…” Shawn’s stuttering is getting under my skin, so I take a deep breath and just blurt it out.

“We didn’t use protection and I’m pregnant.”

The room falls silent, Andrew is staring at me, Shawn is staring at Andrew, Justin is staring at Shawn and I’m staring at the floor. The words felt heavy in my mouth and I’m afraid my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

After what feels like eternity, Andrew takes his glasses off pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a few deep breaths. Once he places the glasses back he leans on the desk and finally speaks.

“Have you been to a doctor or you just did a test?” he asks in a calm, but distant tone.

“We went to the clinic together today. I was there, it’s one hundred percent,” Shawn answers for me.

“How many weeks are you?”

“It’s the fourth,” I mumble ashamed. Andrew’s questions are prim and strict, it all feels like an interrogation.

I look at Justin for the first time since Shawn started talking and his face looks blank, but I can tell his thoughts are racing, trying to figure out what to do with the situation.

“Okay, and what do you want?”

I furrow my eyebrows confused.

“What I want? I don’t understand it…”

“What do you want?” He repeats. “Money? Followers? A job? What do you want?”

“I don’t wa- You think I did this to get stuff from you or Shawn?” I ask realizing what this is about. Shawn’s first reaction was almost the same and now I’m definitely hurt. I never made them believe I’m a scheming bitch, why does everyone think I’m using them?

“Of course the thought crosses my mind, otherwise, how could you be so reckless to have unsafe sex?” he asks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, but it’s just making my blood boil.

“Andrew, it’s not-“ Shawn starts, but I cut him off.

“How dare you accuse me of being such a horrible person? You know nothing about me! Just because I work as an escort doesn’t mean I have such low life choices as getting myself knocked up by a client! You know what? It was a mistake to come here.” I grab my bag and throwing it on my shoulder I stand up, ready to leave. Everyone moves with me, Andrew and Shawn jump up and Justin takes a step towards me, all three of them to stop me, but the intentions are not the same. While Shawn wants me to stay because he cares about me, Andrew is just afraid is I slip out the door he can’t control the news anymore.

Shawn grabs my wrist and gently pulls me closer to him.

“Please don’t go, let’s talk.”

“You are not leaving without a confidentiality contract, no way you are walking out just like that,” Andrew growls and it’s just making it worse.

“You’re not making me do anything. I don’t need anything from you,” I spat at him and Shawn stands between us, as if he is afraid we would start a fist fight.

“Let’s calm down and talk, okay? Please!” he pleads, but behind him Andrew doesn’t seem too committed.

“I can’t deal with him if he is treating me like a bitch,” I say in a low voice, but the room is small, so everyone can hear it. Though I don’t care.

“Andrew, would you calm down? It was all an accident, she is not trying to ruin me,” he tells his manager turning to face him, but he is still holding my wrist.

I can tell Andrew is boiling inside, holding himself back not to throw the desk at me, and we are staring at each other like two hungry lions over the last piece of meat. Poor Shawn is standing in the middle, hoping he won’t have to pull us out of a fight anytime soon.

Then he takes a deep breath and nods.

“I’m sorry, but this was… quite shocking. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I get it, it was a shocker for everyone, but let’s just talk about it, okay?” Shawn offers and I’m too tired and emotionally drained out to start a fight, so I nod my head agreeing.

We manage to sit back to our previous places and Justin stands right behind Andrew as we try to start it over again without the accusations and drama.

“I’m sorry for reacting so harshly,” Andrew starts, obviously thinking through his choice of words. “I’m just shocked, but of course, I don’t think you are trying to use Shawn. So… Let’s figure out what to do,” he offers and we all nod agreeing. “Was abortion ever an option?”

“No,” Shawn and I answer at the same time even though we never discussed it. Despite the difficulties of the situation I wouldn’t be able to abort this baby, it’s just impossible for me and I guess Shawn thinks the same way.

“Alright, then we need a strategy,” Andrew tells a bit more like to himself than to us as he is staring down at his desk. “Um… Are you guys…”

“Are you guys together now?” Justin asks speaking up for the first time in a while.

I see Shawn turning to me from the corner of my eyes, and his gaze is burning my temple as he is staring at me.

“It’s… it’s undefined. I have to figure a lot of stuff out.” I say feeling a bit guilty under their examining looks.

“But this is all joint now. Your decisions effect our work as well, I’m sorry, but you can’t just run free. Obviously, Shawn wants to take part in the baby’s life, so we have to work together. What stuff do you need to figure out?”

I feel awkward and anxious as I realize that he is right. I have to worry about myself, the baby and also consider Shawn as a third party, because he has the right to take part in this journey. I owe him honesty.

“I-I have to think about work, I need to talk to Joshua, because as soon as it gets visible I can’t work. But then I need money, because…” I don’t finish the sentence, I’m not ready to share my giant debts with them and listen to their pity. No way.

“Naya, I can support you financially. Let me help you out!” Shawn sighs obviously being over my shit, but I’m just too stubborn.

“No. That’s your money. I have my own problems to solve,” I protest.

“But I told you, we are in this together! I won’t just watch you struggle.”

“I can’t ask you to do me such a huge favor,” I shake my head staring down at my hands. I’m ashamed to admit how much debt I have to pay for every month.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering it.”

“Shawn stop!” I snap at him as I feel myself getting emotional again. “You have no idea how deep I’m in this shit! I inherited 1.2 million dollars of debts after my mom disappeared and left my number to everyone she was owing to, so now I’m paying thousands of dollars every month, because if I don’t, I might end up dead in a dumpster!”

My outburst is followed by total silence and my eyes are tearing up pretty quick. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, I never want people to know how much I struggle because of my own mother. She was a failure, never had a decent job so he paid for her debts by asking for more money from different people. Living this lifestyle for almost ten years can send you down the spiral, and when she disappeared after I moved out from her she left 1.2 million dollars worth of debt, forcing me to start working as an escort since this was the only job that offered me enough money each month to cover everything. I’ve paid back about half of the money by now, but I’m still coughing the rest every damn month. I was once late with paying, the next day two not too friendly guys showed up at my apartment and taught me a lesson with their fists. I never want to experience that. I scared the shit out of Elisa when she saw my black-eye.

“Can we… Can we have this conversation sometime later? I’m really not feeling good,” I say after a long time. I guess I shocked everyone with my outburst, they are all speechless. Shawn is the first one to recover after the scene.

“Um, Andrew how about we all have lunch tomorrow and talk about this? I think we all need some time to adjust the situation.”

I thank God for this offer, because I’m nauseous and anxious to sit here and talk about the future that involves a baby in my belly.

“It’s a great idea. Let’s just think about everything and come prepared the next time,” Justin nods agreeing and Andrew seems to be on the same page as well.

I put on my coat and keeping my gaze down I leave the office while Shawn exchanges a few words. I stop at the hallway waiting for him, chewing on my bottom lip I’m on the verge of crying once again. A few minutes later Shawn appears and seeing my long face he wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me to his chest and this is exactly what I need right now.

“How about we get some takeaway, go to my place, eat and… just chill. Hm?” He offers mumbling into my hair, running his hands up and down my arms soothingly. I just nod my head, I’m too weak and stressed to talk and though I know I shouldn’t be getting closer to him, I just can’t resist. I need his presence, I want him to tell me it’s going to be okay, I just need somebody.

No.

I need him.

I AM SHOOK ARE YOU SHOOK LETS ALL BE SHOOK no im just kidding I WROTE IT hahaha okay im done here bye

taglist: @damnigotadime @jrock-1987 @dacutiehart @ricchhelle @shar-is-my-name @hollandechart

#shawn mendes #shawn #mendes #shawn mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes x reader #magcon #mendes army #boundaries #boundaries series

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unkindrewind · 4 years

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L A W S

* Charlie, his setting, and plot were all developed and conceived by myself and Bunny @gcrefxed / @killerxquccn. While we’re totally fine with others adding their characters into the setting / plot, it must be discussed first by either Bunny or myself. Theft will not be tolerated and WILL be called out.

* Unless it's something applicable to our muses collectively, Please reblog memes or posts in general from the source. I'm not a resource blog and if treated as one, especially by blogs who never interact, I will soft block.

* I will NOT interact with blogs that use youtubers, social media influencers, or anime / drawn characters for their Fcs. Nothing against you, it’s just not my thing.

* I will BLOCK personal blogs that reblog, like, or follow, as I like to keep interactions here between fellow rp mutuals. If you have an rp side-blog, let me know beforehand so I dont mistake you for a non -rp personal.

* I WILL NOT interact with minors. Given the content on this blog and the fact I’m an oldie, I just feel more comfortable writing with people of age, not to mention feel more comfortable exploring the darker / horror themes of this blog with adult mutuals.

* As stated I am MUTUALS ONLY, meaning i will only write with mutuals. While I do greatly appreciate people following and showing interest, if i dont follow back there’s genuinely no hard feelings. Its not a slight against you or in any way me thinking less of your character or taking some weird high and mighty attitude but : 1. I just get very overwhelmed with an overly busy dash and need to be a bit selective to prevent my anxiety from going nuts 2. At the time, I'm not seeing a way or know how our characters could interact. You’re more than welcome to unfollow. Alternatively please dont feel obligated to follow back if I follow first, aside from understanding this blogs content might not be for everyone, i don't believe in follow for follow. So if you're not genuinely interested in writing, I'd prefer a soft block. If you want to interact but don't follow me, chances are I’ll say no as I take following as a sign of interest. I may take a while to follow back as my notifications on here are the worst. If I don’t follow back within a weeks time, feel free to unfollow. .

T H R E A D S / P L O T T I N G

* I love plotting. If given my way I'd be plot exclusive but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're ever interested in plotting, know I am already onboard.

* If you want to turn a meme or ask into a thread, I’d prefer to be asked before hand. Simply because sometimes its nice to have memes just be stand alone things or for fun.

- Additionally I take the memes I send in to others as just memes for memes sake as well, so if you want a thread to continue off one you'll have to let me know , otherwise I'm clueless.

S H I P P I N G / D Y N A M I C S

As of 8/14/20 Charlie is no longer open to romantic ships with female muses specifically, and will ship only with Bunny’s female muses: Irene @gcrefxed and Sarah @killerxquccn , with her characters being detrimental in Charlie's story and to his character. Sarah specifically has always been the love of Charlie's life with the likelihood of anyone (beyond Irene) able to come close slim to none. This in no way means I will not interact with female muses or am being exclusionary from this point; I always want to explore the multitude of subtleties in dynamics between Charlie and muses of every gender - even female muses having feelings for charlie, flirting with him etc - but dynamics with those female leaning will not result in anything romantic. Male muses, however, are still open to the possibility of such a dynamic as that aspect to Charlies sexuality and character hasnt been delved into and I would find really interesting to explore. If you have any questions, feel free to ask! But please respect this decision and don't try to pressure or force me to change my mind as that will result in an automatic block. I ship based on chemistry between muses, but Im also very okay with pre-established dynamics (whether that be romantic, friends with benefits, enemies, platonic, familial, whatever!) Considering that can be a bit easier thread wise for some people instead of starting from the very beginning. As with most things, I like to talk through it beforehand. If you have anything in mind, you're more than welcome to approach me! But I also reserve the right to respectfully turn things down or offer alternate options if things don't mesh.

S M U T

While I, and my muse, are of age, I’m not entirely comfortable writing smut unless it’s with a mun 1.) I know well and 2.) Is of age. So for the most part any if it all suggestive scenes will lead to a fade to black, time skip, etc.

T R I G G E R S

My muse being horror related there may be some triggers here. There will be mentions, and maybe -though rarely- the occasional image, of : Blood, Violence , Murder , Serial Killers . Knives / Bladed weapons. I will ABSOLUTELY tag NSFW material [ with the tag nsfw > ] and triggers where applicable, though if you would like me to tag something specific to your needs or if there’s something I missed, don’t hesitate to let me know and I will do so right away!

M U N

* I write under the alias Nox! ( She/Her ) and I am of age

* i am a-okay with questions, especially about my muse! if you have any about anything at all i will be more than happy to answer them the best i can!

* Also totally fine with random IMs! despite being spacy as hell sometimes, I love talking to people. Even if we havent talked or interacted before, doors always open. I also have discord which I'll hand out to those I chat with and ask for it.

* I am very forgetful and easily distracted! Its the ADHD / Anxiety in me, added in with my irl stuff going on. Sometimes I forget to respond to IMs, but I promise it's not me ignoring you or a sign of disinterest [if we're mutuals, Im interested]. Dont be afraid to give me a poke if i take too long.

- Adding onto that I also have Depression . Which tends to put me in a bad headspace not only fairly often but fairly easily and makes me a bit tentative about trying to start things with others, based on bad past experience and my own mind being a bastard and thinking most people don't want to interact with me. So I promise, if we're mutuals, even if Im not sending things, I want to interact but probably being a clown and just afraid to while admiring you from afar until I can make a move. If you want to go ahead and go for it, I highly encourage it! Your best bet would be to approach me first.

* You can also find me on my other blogs:

@rapturcd // Bioshock OC

@fullcfwoe // CAOS OCs

@synthend // Cyberpunk OC

@sxnned // Demon OC

@disowncd // Dylan Massett from Bates Motel

@clovcn // Lucifer from CAOS

R E S P O N S E T I M E / A C T I V I T Y

As it is i have a hard time keeping muse, just the way i am sadly. i know this is something a lot of people, myself included, can find frustrating (especially when you’re really into a thread) but a fair amount of the time i may take a while to respond. as much as i love this, aside from being a hobby, i have a chronic illness that makes me exhausted most days or just not in the mood to write and not in any kind of state to type out a response you lovely people would deserve. though i will always try to quickly reply when i can.

M E M E S

Yes. please. send as many as you want, as often as you want. Even if we haven’t interacted, you’re free to send one my way; They can be a great place to start things off.

P O S T L E N G T H / F O R M A T T I N G

* I tend to use icons and small - but not super tiny- text, and usually some form of para, multi-para , or novella, but it really depends on my mood etc. Though all these things can vary : If you dont use icons, I can do iconless threads. If my formatting is too small, obnoxious, or hard to read, let me know! And I'll change to whatevers easiest to read. Want something short and sweet, mostly dialogue based? I can do that too. I go with the flow

* You don’t have to match my length in posts! sometimes i can write far too much when i get really into writing (and alternatively not write enough), so don’t feel obligated or pressured to follow suit by any means! whatever you are comfortable with is totally okay! it’s not a contest, this is all for fun.

G R A P H I C S / C R E D I T

* all icons and graphics are created by me unless stated otherwise

* icon psd by plutocommissions

* border by venuscomissions

Thank you sm for taking the time to read!

#pgs >

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curly-q-reviews · 5 years

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VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!! i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay. well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know?? basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life. ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything. i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research. which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT).

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle. these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance. u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all. these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her. and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it). and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out. i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad. and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!! script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it. natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches. jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor. she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers. shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her. oh and guess what her name is. just guess. ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend??? humping her????? i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party??? why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man). but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex. there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off. like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird.

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible. he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it. i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad. ooooohhhh its so bad. dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva. oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy. like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault. her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!! THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just?? slap each other??? for no reason????? except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus. just. this was an experience. i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix. but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn. i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to. 0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!! im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!

#curly q reviews #valentines day special #valentines day #lgbtq #lesbian #romance #films #below her mouth #netflix

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yeollie-bells · 6 years

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Since its Christmas, and Christmas to me is celebrating the love you have for your loved ones, I want to drop some sap on you all, my loved ones.

@silvertae , @joyuria , @heterosexyeol , @irmapotter (idk why it wont let me tag you ill fight it) @vysanimehouse aka the girls of the group chat, the sweetest things ive known. You are all so unbelievably sweet and caring, I don’t know what i would do without you. I’m so blessed and so so lucky to have gotten the chance to know you and message you and I really sincerely hope you all know how much i love you, and that you can always come to me for anything, i am here for every single one of you any time of the day or night. I will do whatever I can for you no matter what. You are all so so beautiful inside and out, youre so passionate and caring and youre going to do great things in your lives, youre going to help so many people and love so many people and the people who love you are going to be so lucky to have and love you. @rayluneia my precious precious girl. I met you during the hardest part of my life and I thank every god there is every day for it. I would be completely lost without you. Without you i wouldnt be who I am today, youve made me a good person, a better person, you made me happier, more confident and excited. Youve given me my drive to learn and create back, and I am so, so grateful. Every time i see your name, or i see the color blue, or anything floral and beautiful, I think of you and im immediately put at ease. Today is also your birthday, all I can do is wish you a happy, wonderful relaxing day, but I hope, in the near future, i will be able to give you a hug and tell you in person, Happy Birthday, I love you so much. You are the light of my life and without you I would be in the dark. @taehyungs-sidehoe My beautiful girl, im so glad weve reconnected, and im so, so sorry for any pain ive caused you. I will do whatever it takes to not do that to you again. I want you to know i am here for you always, you can never bother me. If i ever disappear i might jus tbe overwhelmed with life and dont want to bother you or bring you down, but i am ALWAYS here. You are beautiful and smart and creative and i am so lucky to know you, to get to be able to call myself your friend. I will never not be grateful for what youve done for me, for the happiness youve given me and ill never forget the weird, amazing funny things weve talked about. I love how you support me, i dont deserve it, not even a little bit, but im selfish and im grateful. Thank you for standing by me even though Im not nearly worthy enough @lunarhoseok We havent known each other long, but you are a blessing. Youre so sweet, and so thoughtful. I wish i could just bundle you up and keep you safe from the world, give you all the attention you need and deserve. You deserve all of the good things this world has to offer. @onettsunset I miss you a lot!! we dont talk often anymore, but i think about you every day! I see how your life has turned and im overjoyed. You may not have your dream job (yet) but you have love and that just warms my heart. You are an amazing human being, and I wish for nothing but the best for you and your love. @glaivenoct You are so, so sweet, so unbelievably kind. You really lifted me up when I was down with one simple comment. You will never know how much that little comment meant to me, still means to me. We havent known each other long but I hope for many more years of our kindling friendship!! I want you to know i am here for you always, no matter what. Consider me a big sister, i will do whatevers in my power to comfort, empower and embolden you. You are one of the brightest stars and the world will shine for you! @blue-inferno We dont talk often but I want you to know i adore you. You are so sweet and so thoughtful and so so so freaking talented!! Anyone that gets to know you in real life, in person, should know how lucky they are to know someone as amazing as you! @kpoplookingglass Oh my sweet sweet girl, I dont deserve you at ALL. You are so thoughtful, even when you bully me i love you. Youre so kind and helpful and you go through so much that you dont deserve. I would like to take everyone that has hurt you or used you in your life, and just fucking punch them in the face into the ocean. Youre sweet and thoughtful and kind and you know me without even having to ask things you just KNOW me. One day i hope to be able to do for you what you do for me. Im not very good at showing my love and appreciation but you will never know how much you mean to me. You are one of the lil loves of my life and Im glad to know you, i hope to one day see you in person, hug you and cry on you all the while babbling nonsense about how much i love you @piratesvsninjas13 we dont talk a lot anymore but i think about you often! Youve been so kind to me and I miss you, I hope youre doing well, i pray for good things for you, because you deserve it. I care about you a lot and want to see you achieve the things you deeply want to! @hypercopykitty I dont know what I would do without you. You put up with so much from me and again, like everyone on this list, i dont deserve even a minute of your attention, but i covet it. You are doing some amazing things in your life, and im so, so happy for your happiness. I may not talk as much as i nearly should or give you enough attention or buy you enough presents (lets be real, you deserve the WORLD as well) but i do love you so very much. You are my sweet girl and seeing the happiness youve carved out for yourself fills me with the warmest joy of all, I am so, so lucky to know you. @rosedecay We’ve been through a lot together, some ups, some downs, weve had our problems and weve come out stronger for it. I know it might not mean much, but you mean the world to me, youre my oldest friend, and im always here for you, i might have my moods, but thats what makes me human, if you need me, ill be there for you, bad mood or not, i wish i could help you, because I know you suffer, and you dont deserve it, but youre strong and I know you can make it through this. I just want to see you love yourself the way I love you, I want you to take care of yourself the way you deserve, i want you to find the love you deserve and i want you to finally grasp the happiness youve fought so hard to deserve. I dont want you thinking youre worthless or unattractive or untalented, because i see you, i know you, you are all of the beauty, talent and worth there is that can be fit into the earth. Youre kind, sweet, thoughtful. You have a hard time expressing yourself and its hard and i dont like seeing you struggle, but youll get through it. Youre beautiful and strong, so brave and so sweet. I love you so, so much.

#friend #friendship #my little loves

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wang-yeon · 7 years

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Flux| Namjoon

the new foreign exchange student is surely irritating you to the point of insanity but you cant deny his attraction and the not so secret sexual attention rising between you two

Warning: Usage of alcohol, cussing,smut, foreign exchange student!, angst i guess,

Genre: Smut and angst?

Word count: 8.8K

A/N: Sorry i was supposed to post this early but damn i re downloaded mystic messenger and a bitch cant stop playing that shit. Its addicting

The world was a mighty big place with warm bodies lurking around its every corners. The world was filled with approximately 7.5 billion people around the year of 2017 only growing in population. This meaning approximately 15 billion legs have walked across our planet each telling individual stories of there own. an unspeakable number of hair follicles blowing through the wind while 15 billion hands soothed there tangled hair.

Yet each 7.5 billion person wasn’t the same. Each held there own reason behind the darkness, each person like feathers from pillows of there chaos. We were all interesting in our own ways seeking the attention like a cold lech.

I had been one of the people who craved attention but not going as far as wanting it to suck me dry. I had liked things where as i was involved rather than not. I craved hanging out with my best friends and going to useless parties that wouldn’t matter in my later years. I had managed the boring role of a over slightly egotistical teenagers. Not to the point of my head being filled up of it but just the right amount, i wasn’t a snob.

Somewhere along the mixture of parties and alcoholic mixes i had balanced my school work. I wasn’t the smartest kid in my school but certainly was in my homeroom class, literature. I found it the least amount of work as i grabbed the ink and wrote whatever flowed from the mind. An addict with a pen was forever a living struggle, as long as i kept my mind to it.

I guess with the expectation of keeping up semi good grades i had the joyous opportunity to show our new foreign exchange student around his newly wed high school. He was apart of the 7.5 billion apart of our money hungry world. Filling kids to the brim with false advertisement and dreams forgotten. Certainly moving to the united states would only enhance these qualities.

Our teacher began picking up a conversation on the trilling topic, sending the classroom into a ever longing boredom. The conversation was not well needed but was very educational in some sort of way but was very unreasonable as our new student stood awkwardly at the door. I displayed quick eye contact with him in the mist of trying to see his appearance. I dismissed the eye contact and took in his facial features. They were fairly made of beauty and his dimples surely stood out the most, only enhancing as he smiled.

Our oblivious math teacher continued on with her speech before she turned to the nervous student who appeared to be nibbling on his lip in dispute of the overwhelming welcoming. To make things even more awkward she made sure to slow down on her words to make sure he would understand. I hadn’t known if Namjoon had spoken English or not but it surely was still awkward.

“This is our new foreign exchange student who goes by the name of Kim Namjoon. Please treat him kind and well as he begins his new journey. He is a very brave soul who has seeks to move here in order for freedom. Please respect him and his wishes.”

I physically cringed at her usage of words. Freedom? I hadn’t known why people would come to the united states for a taste of freedom anymore, it was all a blur of false advertisement. Surely Namjoon had to know this to as his face matched mine. My face only contorted more as our teacher made my name fall from her lips.

“Y/N please raise your hand. Namjoon this will be your new seat buddy and your student for the next couple of weeks till you pick things up.”

I raised my hand very lazily growing tired of how she said seat buddy so enthusiastically. She seemed overly excited over the whole situation. Namjoon made his way past the sea of desk before he was met with mine where he seated his belongings down on and proceeded to take a seat.

I heard other classmates groan most of them belonging to girls. The were envious of my position of looking after the new student who was rather attractive surely he had to know as well. Due to my new role of his so called guardian i did feel some sort of special feeling as if he was my own personal keepsake. Of course i had boundaries as well, i didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable.

I took the liberty to look over him as he was sitting professionally in his seat while his eyes read a bored expression. As did everyone else in the class. Everyone checked out as the teacher began her lesson. Her over energetic attitude often drained people from there daily studies and attention span.

“Alright class i will now leave you by yourselves to complete the following problems. Ah Y/N i have a special assignment for one of my few excelling students.”

I mentally rolled my eyes at my new found role. I had been barely passing the semester wondering how i gained this cameo. The teacher wormed around all the other surrounding desk before she was met with mine a Namjoon’s. She began going on about how i would be an excellent help for his educational path or something along those lines. At those words Namjoon lowered himself into the desk and slummed as if he was becoming irritated by the situation at hand.

“Now ill leave you two to the work. Im sure you both will have a super time together!”

“Oh a super duper time!”

My words were spilling with sarcasm but it was obvious she was fairly oblivious to anything coming her way. I turned my attention to a bored Namjoon waiting for the whole thing to be over in a blink of an eye. As was I but if this brought my way to some extra credit i would fake everything with a smile.

“Alright so looks like the lesson is revolving around angles and other boring shit. So lets get started.”

I flipped through the packet before looking up to see Namjoon just staring at me in a curious way. I couldn’t tell if he was confused or if he was just looking at me. None of the less i was confused by his sudden state. So i just took it as a sign of him being confused by the lesson.

“Ya know angles. Like acute obtuse and right. Lets see the first problem shows an obtuse angel. Which is bigger than 90 degrees.”

I began to stretch my body as big as it could go trying to demonstrate an obtuse angel. His eyes began t widen be still managed his bored expression without a blink of another emotion. This making me huff in irritation but still continued on.

I then moved my way to the ground in attempt to turn myself into an acute angel making myself as small as I could. I began going on about how acute angels were small only making him sigh in annoyance. It certainly was a step in the right direction at least he was showing some sort of emotion and body language.

I stood up to demonstrate a right angel before he pulled me back in the desk holding his hand up telling me to stop my attempts.

I run my hands through my hair in sheer anger from his attitude yet he hasn’t been able to put any input in about the situation.

“Listen im just trying to help you out and I don’t understand why you have to be in such a bad mood.”

I said the comment knowing that he couldn’t understand me anyway making me not feel ashamed by my comment. Surely enough that non shameful state vanished rather quick.

“Actual i speak English quite fluently and if you people actually had the decency to consider asking me then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.”

I was shocked to say the least not that he could speak English but that he was actually contributing to a simple conversation.

“Congratulations to you! Sadly i couldn’t give a rats ass on how people treat you. Im just looking for an extra credit assignment.”

I honestly could careless about what he thought about me. Sure my reputation remained in me having a gracious amount of friends meaning i didn’t need anymore. Namjoon was attractive to say the least but just based off of first impressions his personality was not something that outweighed his looks, he probably thought the same about me.

Surprisingly Namjoon smiled slightly at my statement flicking a piece of my hair.

“It really is a joy to finally here someones honest opinion and actually talking to me like a normal human being but your attitude is absolutely repulsive.”

“Why thank you its my specialty.”

“Is annoying people your specialty as well.”

“Ah are you fucking five years old.”

“Ah are you fucking oblivious that everyone likes you due to your looks.”

It was shocking that he had been here for less than a couple of hours and he was already unlocking the truth. Sure i didn’t have the best personality one that was based on sarcastic comments and back handed compliments. I couldn’t help it though i always was weird when it came to my emotions, i was still an immature teenager trying to figure herself out. I just found it funny how Namjoon already figured myself out more than me.

My lack of response caused Namjoon’s face to soften thinking he had gone to fair but in reality it didn’t effect me in the slightest. It surely wasn’t the rudest thing i heard just the most truthful making me think more about his comment.

The bell rang signaling for lunch and an end to the awkward conversation.

“Well hopefully lunch will fuel your truthful mindset.”

As i got up from i seat i could sense him looking at me as i walked out the classroom. I could tell he was curious about me in some weird way. I really wasn’t anything interesting and sure enough he would find out soon and the bitter truth following along with it.

I had been eyeing the lunch room in search of my two best friends seated at a table. I had plenty of friends and was popular among most peers as were they but we just choose each other for the majority of things. We were comfortable around each other more than others seeking fondness in each other. I spotted them from across the sea of tables as i say to hands waving at me as I waved back. I made my way over to them before i felt someone bump into me.

“Is that who were sitting with?”

I turned over eyeing Namjoon rolling my eyes at his presence.

“That’s who i’m sitting with, get lost.”

“Well then where am I supposed to sit?”

“You can sit with the damn trashcan for all I care.”

I began walking before i turned and saw a saddened look in his eyes making me sigh. Curse MY good ways. He truly did look hopeless it was his first day after all he didn’t know anyone and was most likely nervous to the brim. I rarely had a consonance and at times i hated it. These were one of those times.

“Fine you can sit with me and my friends. Just don’t be yourself you’ll annoy the shit out of them.”

“Oh you actually do care. They certainly look more pleasing and kind then you. How did you end up with friends like that?”

Namjoon proceeded to wave at them and follow to table they were seated at, this was sure enough going to be an enchanting experience.

“So yeah, basically he is my dog he follows me everywhere.”

I had just got done explaining to Jimin and Taehyung that i had to look after Namjoon as he was our new student and in dire need of guidance. Luckily i had been the best person chosen for the job.

“Believe me i have no choice to, the teacher practically forced me to stick by her side. She thinks i’m some helpless child that needs a spoiled self centered 10 year old to look after me.”

I clapped my hands at his observation of my self centered ways. Sure i did think i was pretty but not to the point of where i would literally make out with myself in the mirror. Nothing was wrong with a bit self love but as of right now i hated myself for bringing him over to this lunch table. The only seat available was next to Namjoon making everything even more delightful.

“Wow the teacher sure did a great choice picking you two together.”

Jimin said his statement rather sarcastic pointing out the obvious as me and Namjoon nodded

“I know were just best buddies.”

Namjoon said jokingly putting his arm around me making me scuff at his playful state. I removed his hand from me looking at him in disgust only making Jimin and Taehyung laugh.

“I can practically smell the sexual tension.”

Taehyung was never afraid to let anything flow from his lips. This being one of the reasons why i loved him so much but as of right now i hated that trait. I hated it so much that i was thinking about literally punching him in the face but settled on throwing a carrot at him instead.

Namjoon however laughed it off and took light in the situation by putting his arm back around my shoulder making me roll my eyes yet again. This time however i didn’t remove his hand as I dint see it as a nuisance unlike the rest of him.

Deep down i was scared that like his hand the rest of him would turn more bearable.

Lunch time had finished fast as did the next classes following. The end of the day was already near us. Any other time i would be excited for this to occur but lucky for me our glorious math teacher decided that now would be the perfect time to tutor him. Couldn’t agree more.

Now here we were sitting across from each other. I was actually putting myself to good use as he was mindlessly glaring at me as if he was blaming me for the position he was in now. Believe me I don’t want to be here either but if i wanted to get an excellent grade in math this was the hard work that came with it.

“Are you going to continue glaring at me or actually make yourself useful?”

My statement was sure enough to knock him out of his trance. Still his hard gaze remained but none of the less he decided to open a book. The silence grew more making it peaceful as we gathered information before he decided to open his mouth.

“How is working in complete silence even going to help me? I could be out explore what this place has to offer me rather than doing this.”

“firstly, The purpose of working in silence first is to get the information we need then we group together and discuss the lesson. Now second, Just because you are the new student doesn’t make you fucking special. You are like ever useless body rooming around this anxiety riddled school. Stop idolizing yourself.”

I had been so feed up of his behavior that i had snapped. Not even twenty-four hours together and I was on the brink of stabbing him with a sharp fork. He always talking about how i was self centered while he was. Always thinking that hes special and was meant for far more. Congratulations your just likes every useless soul to room earth.

“Ah thank you for speaking your useless mind. It really brings me joy to see you so irritated by my simple breath.”

I shook my head by his comment decided not to give him the courage by responding. I continued reading not minding him before he viciously decided to speak yet again. Seriously could this guy even shut his mouth for more than a minute.

“Well, we certainly could do something more enchanting more the this. We could tame the sexual tension Tae was talking about.”

Sure his statement had caught me off guard but the usage of the name Tae was enough to make me look up from my book. Namjoon didn’t deserve to call Taehyung by the name of Tae, only me and Jimin did as we were close friends. What gave Namjoon the right to use the name to his advantage.

“You really need to learn to be quiet cause bullshit keeps flying from your mouth and its distracting.”

“So your calling me distracting? Is it because of my irresistible charm.”

I looked at him in disgust as he looked at me with an innocent smile displaying his face.

“More like your irritating irrational behavior.”

I brought my attention back to my book becoming irritated by his nonsense. I hated the way his dimples popped out when he smiled making the situation unbearable for my eyes well being. I would just give anything to have this session to end at any given moment.

My attention was disrupted as I heard the chair next to me squeak signaling someone was bringing the chair out from under the table before that sat in the seat. I looked up to see that Namjoon changed his previous stance which was sitting in front of me where he was now sitting beside me. Oh this session just continues to grow in excitement. Literally wanted to stab him with a fork.

“Why don’t we just demolish this sexual tension before it grows in proximity.”

Namjoon was displaying a whole new persona. One that was oddly satisfying but also disturbing to say the least. No matter what he did I always found it disturbing and repulsive, this act he was doing counted as one of those feelings. Sure the sexual tension was slightly there but there was no need to actually partake in it. Namjoon was like every horny boy in the world and I would not fulfill his needs, well at least not this soon.

Namjoon proceed to put his hand on my thigh in attempt to make me weak under his touch which was failing. I didn’t know why he had been such an overly sexually teenager so suddenly but it was surely becoming more annoying then he already was.

“I suggest you move your hand before I chop it off. I’m sure you wanna keep the hand that you jack off with.”

“I wont anymore once it takes your place.”

My eyes widened as I finally looked up at him. I was surprised by his comment that sent some sort of shock in my body. I began to blush from his comment not use to this sort of open sexual affection. Normally a guy never really said anything along those lines we would be to busy getting down to business. It was just strange to hear those words come out his mouth and i hope he secretly didn’t mean them. Or did I?

“Relax i’m fucking with you. Its pay back for making me attend this stupid tutor shit, I seriously have to go somewhere.”

Namjoon began to fall into a fit of giggles as i just stared at him as if he was crazy. Which i was convinced he certainly was. He had managed to play with my emotions making me think something completely different from what he intended. It definitely fucked with my mind either if I thought about it or not. Now as Namjoon begins to stand up and leave i begin to find my voice again.

“What do you possibly have better going on? No one even knows who you are.”

“Actually Minnie and Tae know me plenty enough. Enough to hang out with me without your presence. Funny how your then best friends find me more likable then you. Crazy I know.”

I didn’t believe a word he said. They wouldn’t do such a thing to me right? I had known Jimin since the begin of freshman and I had knew Taehyung to the end of it. Now that we were in sophomore year I would have thought that we would be good enough friends to stick by each others sides. Maybe this was another one of his ways to mess with me. It was safe to say I hated Namjoon.

“I hate you.”

“I love when you profess your undying love for me.”

With that he exited the library in search for Jimin and Tae. I hated him more than anything. I hated how he acts like hes special. Most of all I hated how he walks into this school stealing things of mine. My friends being the main priority. I hated how he smiled with his dimples and they acted as if they were the peace holder for the earth. I hated everything about him. I just hoped that Jimin and Tae could see him for the slum he truly was. They couldn’t just leave me in the cold. Best friends don’t do that.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a solid month. A month of a fiery hell spent on earth. Namjoon managed to completely disrupt the chaos inside of making it only grow in proximity. In the limited time that hes only been here he has managed to change my whole being into something I never imagined myself becoming. The popular party animal likable girl I once was faded into a depressed filled self-conscious girl afraid of the worlds problems.

I hated him because of this. He stole everything I had managed to wear it better than me. He turned my life into a living hell and he thought nothing of it. He still pushed me around thinking it was mindless joking only breaking me down but the fiery only raised in heat. I couldn’t do anything about it only just sit and watch it happen, but as of tonight I felt as if it would be different.

I had been stuck at my job working as a cashier at the local small convenient store. It was badly deserted only the occasional passer by. I had been mindlessly chipping at my nails not paying attention to the surrounding before a light tap on the counter brought my attention to the suffer.

“Hello Mrs. we were wondering if you could do the honor of checking out our items.”

I had wished I wasn’t working tonight as I was faced with Taehyung Jimin and the infamous Namjoon, or as people call him around school Rap Mon. I felt my mood turn to a more annoyed one when I was graced by his presence. This same emotion began to take a tole on Taehyung and Jimin. I truly did love the both of them but as they got together with Namjoon they became different people. People I never thought they would become.

“Sure.”

I began scanning the items and bagging them before i grabbed a hold of the beer.

“I’m going to need to see your IDs please.”

“Come on, don’t be like this babe.”

I held the same stone cold bored look not bothered by his small nickname for me. It was just another way to try and play with my emotions. Something he had thought he had been good at.

“Don’t be like what? I’m not going to lose my job over your arrogant ass.”

“Oh don’t you just love me.”

“I hate your fucking guts. I will literally hit you with a shovel.”

“I love when you profess my undying love for me.”

I rolled my eyes pushing the alcohol away telling them to put it back.

“Come on Y/N you use to be fun to hang out with. Not this buzz kill.”

The comment had came from Taehyung surprising me that he even intervened. He never said anything remotely negative to me. He was a relatively sweet and caring guy always getting along with everyone and never thought of hurting anyone. Either it be emotional or physically.

“Come on guys, please don’t act this way to Y/N. She doesn’t deserve it.”

Jimin smiled slightly and attempted to make slight eye contact with me. Jimin had always tried to back me up but I could tell he didn’t want to pick sides and I didn’t want to put him in an awkward position.

“Your right she doesn’t deserve it. Some people just simply change and they don’t know it.”

Taehyung finished his comment picking up the unpaid alcohol while Namjoon picked up the remaining items.

“Your right some people do change.”

I said those final words as if i was spitting venom from my mouth. The words seemed to affect Taehyung as well as his face softened as if asking if it was true. He knew it was which saddened me. He loved being liked by many people that he didn’t realize that he was destroying his other friendships.

“You guys can go, i’ll met you in the car.”

Jimin shewed the others off. Taehyung payed me one last look before following after Namjoon like a sad puppy.

“I’m sorry, they probably don’t mean it.”

“Yeah probably.”

I raised my eyebrows sarcastically. Jimin noticed my gesture as his hands reached out for mine making me look back up at him meeting his saddened eyes.

“Listen I know Tae has been acting stupid lately but trust me he misses you.”

“Sure has a damn funny way of showing it.”

“Well I know I miss you for sure. I really do Y/N, I miss talking to you. I forget what its like to actually have a conversation with someone who doesn’t judge me.”

Me and Jimin had knew each other before we even met Taehyung, meaning we had a more strong welled bond. I never judge him and he never judge me as we didn’t find the need to. I remember one night Jimin had came out to me being gay after being so scared of accepting it, so he told me. He told me because he knew I wouldn’t judge him and his sexuality. Sure Taehyung was the same as me but as of now he wasn’t.

“What do they say about you. Minnie i swear i will shove my fist up there asses if they ever make you feel uncomfortable.”

Jimin laughed slightly before looking back up at me with a warm smile. I was confused to say the least by his gesture.

“I’m sorry its just. I haven’t heard you call me Minnie in a while and i just miss it.”

I smiled warmly at him before leaving the counter to go hug him lovingly. He really wasn’t like them. He never aimed to hurt anyone even if he did he didn’t purposely mean to do so.

“Now what have they said too you?”

“Nothing to extreme. They say Jimine pabo, so nothing to bad.”

I hadn’t known what he said since I didn’t speak a lick of Korean. I still knew it couldn’t be a good thing judging by his body language. I just wish there was something i could do to make him feel at least an ounce better.

“You know what, you should come to the party with us. Before you say no just please think about it. I miss you a lot and maybe your presence will set Tae back into his actual self.”

God of course this was the only way to make him feel better. I really hated having a good soul sometimes.

“Uh, fuck it sure.”

Jimin busted into excitement as he hugged me tightly uttering many amounts of thank yous. I smiled at him feeling a small amount of happiness but that quickly diminished as soon as the car ride began. I would have given anything to just be back at the lonesome convenient store rather than suffer from the tension. Instead i tried to focus on the street lights. I counted each as we drove past them. Each number was soon represented the amount of times I wanted to punch Jimin for making me attend this gathering.

I loved Jimin but damn I hated him as of right now.

We had been at the party for nearly two hours and surprisingly I had been having a good time. Int he last two hours i managed to play a game of beer pong and having conversation with people slowly but surely hoping to earn my title back. I had almost forgotten how trilling it was to party and not have a care in the world. Of course that had to end soon.

“Don’t you look absolutely ravishing tonight.”

I turned and was greeted by Namjoon. I examined my outfit realizing that I had still been wearing my work outfit. I was far to drunk to actually care about my presence or the fact that he was trying to pick on me.

“Thank you for finally acknowledging my fashion. It really warms my heart so.”

“I’ve also noticed how you have been checking me out all night.”

I definitely wasn’t to drunk to actually admit to something like this. Sure I had glanced at him once or twice but it was nothing major.

“Denial is a real thing Namjoon and you need to accept that. Its okay I get it your real fucking oblivious to things but you need to accept that I will never like you.”

“See Y/N you are right denial is a sad sickness. One that you in fact need to get over and just accept that I am not the bad guy.”

Namjoon held a drink in his right hand as his other skittered around my waist bringing us closer. Any other time I would push him away but with the alcohol lurking through my system it made things more bearable.

“Oh but you are. Your the big bad wolf gobbling everything in your way.”

“You sure aren’t a peach either. Your the evil witch who thinks she’s the prettiest of them all but can’t even complete with half of the people put in the world.”

I put my hand on my heart faking as if I was hurt. It did sting slightly but I didn’t let it effect me enough. Namjoon soon put down his drink to put both hands around my waist making use grow even closer than before.

“I can’t stand when you touch me.”

“Ah I make you that weak? Maybe you should take a seat.”

Namjoon picked me up and placed me on the kitchen counter as he got in between my legs. He flashed me his giddy smile with his dimples on display. This caused me to giggle slightly from the sight, I couldn’t control my emotions around him.

“Ah she does laugh and smile.”

Namjoon proceeded to ruffle my hair only making me laugh more. I hated it. It was the alcohol that showed my true feeling and emotions. I just didn’t want him to see it.

“Yeah your pretty cool when you aren’t a jackass.”

Namjoon’s eyes softened as he aimed to grab my hand. I wrinkled my eyebrows confused by the sudden behavior.

“Hey listen there’s something I wanna talk to you ab-”

Namjoon was cut off by the loud abundant blonde bimbo who latched herself onto him. Namjoon was fairly popular with the ladies obviously meaning that he should be ready at every moment. As of now he wasn’t but none of the less he held on tight to the girl as she spoke drunkenly to him.

I hopped off the the counter not wanted to see what mostly likely would occur next. Namjoon rolled his eyes to the situation but still enjoyed as the girl shoved her tongue down his throat.

Jimin soon appeared from the crowd and took notice of my mood. Jimin grabbed onto my hand dragging me into the living room where other teenage bodies were. Jimin called out for a seemingly fun game of spin the bottle making everyone cheer and me groan as he turned and smirked at me.

When did high school parties start becoming so cliche.

We had all managed to squeeze into a small circle with a empty beer bottle lying in the middle. Namjoon had been sitting in front of me eyeing me every time someone spun the bottle in hopes they wouldn’t land on me. I don’t know why he seemed to worry so much but as my turn approached he had straightened himself out eyeing the bottle with all his might. Secretly I had been doing the same thing, eyeing every time someone spun the bottle hoping it wouldn’t land on him. Of course it did the majority of the times making my stomach churn.

I eyed the bottle as did other before it landed on Namjoon. Oh luck was truly on my side as of now.

I moved closer to Namjoon wanting the deed to be over with already. As i was face to face with him he moved his mouth to my ear.

“I would rather die than kiss you.”

“You really think I wanted this to happened jackass.”

“I don’t know what goes on in your arrogant ass mind.”

“Shut up and just kiss me semi good so this can be over with.”

“Whats in it for me, so you can get yourself off later”

“I’ll stop bothering you.”

Namjoon looked at me with some sort of sympathy or sort of sadness, as if he didn’t want it to happen. I must have been tricking myself due to alcohol lurking through but I was still eager to kiss him. I wasted no time to bring our lips together creating a lovely collision between the both of us. As much as i hated to admit it but he was a good kisser. Soon enough our tongues began to mix together not minding anyone else who was around us well before one of Namjoon’s sluts pulled us apart.

“Namjoon, what the hell. You are only allowed to kiss me like that.”

I rolled my eyes at her behavior. It was really sad how desperate she was being specifically to someone like Namjoon. Sure he was attractive and had his own little witty comments that managed to make any female swoon but besides that he was repulsive. After the kiss I was only focused on his attractive witty side rather than the repulsive one. I was way to sober for this.

“Well, I need a drink.”

I proceeded to get up from my previous position moving myself outside attempting to bring myself back to my regular mindset. Maybe some fresh air was the solution to this but as soon as Namjoon opened his mouth i was brought right back to the previous mindset.

“Did you just come outside to just have an excuse to not talk about what just happened?”

“N- actually why is that any of your fucking business. Listen i’m real fucking stressed out. I just possibly lost my best friend, i’m losing my shit and cant keep myself together because of you.”

“Because of me? What possibly could i do to somehow impact your life so fucking greatly i didn’t do anything terrible to you.”

I looked at Namjoon baffled as he stood there obvious as ever. A common expression playing on his face.

“Holy fucking shit how oblivious can you be. You turned my life into a living hell. First you stole my friends from me and gained this insane amount of popularity and became this big party animal. Everything i use to be. I couldn’t give a shit about the popularity and the parties but you stole my fucking friends. That’s why i hate your guts and there must be some hidden reason on why you hate mine.”

Namjoon examined my angered state looking at me as if i had two heads. This only filed my anger. I shouted at him asking what was his problem before he shook his head in disbelief.

“You really are oblivious.”

I shook my head in irritation.

“Enlighten me.”

“You drove them away. You began becoming so closed off because you weren’t the center of attention anymore that you stopped hanging out with us. Why cant you just fucking learn that the world doesn’t revolve around you.”

As Namjoon finished his sentence I began taking notice in what he said. Was the whole stealing my best friends thing just some sort of illusion I made up in my mind. It couldn’t have been, they just stopped hanging out with me. It wasn’t my fault but either way Taehyung was right. People certainly do change.

“So that’s the reason why you hate me so much?”

Namjoon ran his hand through his hair letting out a dry laugh before eyeing me.

“I don’t hate you idiot. I cant fucking stand you and the shit you put me through but I don’t hate you. I fucking like you and if you didn’t have your head so fair shoved up your ass you would realize that. I’ve liked you ever since you shared your honest opinion with me. You weren’t fake like all the other girl, you were up front and blunt. I like that about you yet i cant stand it.”

I looked at him with all the amount of shock riddled in my body. He stood there hopeless asking me to say something. I couldn’t muster any words. He couldn’t like me. he was supposed to hate me just as much as i hated him. With this new found information it really opened up my outlook on him. My mindset began to open but I closed it right back up afraid of what lurks inside.

“How are you going to like somebody when you ruined there whole being. Please tell me that Namjoon?”

“I can pick up all the broken pieces and make them new again. Please i don’t know what i did to cause it be i promise i can make it better,”

Namjoon reached out to hold my hand as i jerked away trying to gain distance from him as he only grew closer trying to smooth me away. It wasn’t going to work, I was on the berate of beginning to hate myself more than I hated him. The truth was I never really even hated him, it was just a persona I played that I even lead myself to believe. I admired him and his careless attitude I just hated that I wasn’t in the picture.

“Hey Y/N, you ready to go?”

I turned and say a sad Jimin with his hands in his pocket. I looked at Namjoon and back at Jimin nodding my head. I made my way to Jimin ignoring Namjoon’s pleads and cries. He didn’t like me and he never would. I had drowned my feelings for him why couldn’t he do the same? I had managed to barry my feelings for him before they grew to strong knowing they would become a problem, but as I walked away and was getting in the car with Jimin i could feel those feelings start to surface again. Fuck did i hate the feeling.

Kim Namjoon was one of the 7.5 billion people in the world but he was the only person who managed to make me feel like one whole person while all the others were simple passerby’s. And I was willing to let what I had go.

A month turned into two leading to five. Five months of no communications to Namjoon or Taehyung as i was to afraid to face my unidentified feelings. It wasn’t Taehyung i was confused with but rather Namjoon. I knew what feelings held for him i just didn’t want to except them and open them out for the world to see them freely. I truly did like him but those feelings were remained to stay closed off. For now i had Jimin and he was there to capture my feelings helping me understand them better but still hadn’t chose to open them out for others to see. Jimin had seen me mop around the house over all the unexplained feelings before he came up with a conclusion.

As of now me and Namjoon had been up in my room attempting to study together. Jimin had told me that he needed help with literature homework only to drop off Namjoon at my front door. We were both confused to say the least but since we had nothing better to do we were stuck to study together was definite better than the different options we had which was to talk. I realized this study session would be cut short and would switch to the alternate vision as Namjoon slammed the book and turned to me. Could this guy ever shut his mouth?

“Listen i’m sorry if i ever did anything to make you uncomfortable, but will you please tell me what i did for you not to talk to me for five months?.”

“You know what i’ve realized about you? Girls flock to you just because your a foreign exchange student and your new but your just like ever useless american boy in america. You don’t care about anyone’s feelings.”

“And you think your so fucking perfect? Your so fucking stubborn its driving me to the brink of insanity. It fucking kills me how someone so beautiful can be so ugly inside.”

“No one told you to like me jackass.”

“At least i’m not a pussy and i’m not afraid to actually accept my feelings.”

It struck a nerve inside me by how well he could read me and my emotions. By now he seemed as if he knew more about my emotions and feelings more than me. I hated how well he knew me and i hated how much i was drawn into him because of that and the other uncountable reasons. He was right i was suborn to not accept all this but i wouldn’t tell him so.

“My feelings hate you.”

“Oh how i love when you profess your undying love for me.”

“I hate when you say that.”

“I know you secretly love it, your just to stubborn to actually realize it.”

“What will it take for you to shut your mouth for one damn second?”

“Talk about your feelings and emotions you have, and don’t run away from them. That doesn’t sound so hard now does it?”

Namjoon looked at me and smirked down at my angered persona. He knew i wasn’t capable of doing so but he wanted to see how far i would go. I wouldn’t go to far since I couldn’t even accept my own feelings leaving me only one way to actually show my emotions.

I quickly brought my lips to Namjoon’s enjoying the feeling of feeling his lips back on mine after five months. He truly did have the softest lips one might ever have felt.The kiss soon became aggressive as he pulled me onto his lap wanting to feel more of me. Our tongues began to mix together in aggression from trying to fulfill the last five months. All this tension had manged to build up to finally crash down.

Namjoon began to grow more aggressive as he squeezed my ass earning a slight moan to slip from my mouth. Namjoon eyed me with lustful eyes as that small moan escaped my mouth. Namjoon had identified my eager state as he placed me on the desk getting in between my legs. Namjoon proceeded to grind himself into my heat and kiss my neck hungrily. Namjoon then dipped his hand into my heat as I let out a tiny moan from the new fond friction.

“Your terribly wet for someone you seem to hate. Sure you still cant stand my guts?” “More than anyone else i’ve ever encountered.”

Namjoon took this comment as a challenge as he slide down my pants eyeing my soaked underwear. I felt slightly vulnerable as he eyed my clothed sex but lost all state of mind as he took them off and proceeded to kitten lick my women hood. Namjoon was eager but not to eager to not pleasure me enough, which he was doing a great job as he focused most of his attention on my clit while teased my entrance. This enough was make me squirm.

“Ah fuck Namjoon. I cant.”

Namjoon looked up at me before curling his fingers hitting my G-spot in hopes of making me come to the edge. I was already close as my walls clenched around his fingers. Namjoon continued on circling his tongue around my clit pushing me to the edge as i let out one final moan. Namjoon continued to slurp up my juiced before coming back up to my level.

“You still hate me after i made you cum better than all the guys who fucked you before?”

“Still cant stand your guts.”

Namjoon’s eyes darkened even more than before making me slightly weaken under his touch. He proceed to carry me to the bed as he grabbed a condom from his wallet while I laid underneath him awaiting.

“You really keep condoms in your wallet?”

“Well you’ll never know when your enemy secretly has been wanting to fuck you this whole time.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t wait for him to enter me and give me what i gratefully desired. Namjoon had finished rolling on the condom as he asked permission to which i nodded eagerly. I felt Namjoon’s cock wrap around my walls sending me into over drive. I had kept my mouth afraid to show him how much i was enjoying this. Namjoon proceeded to speed up eyeing my state smirking as beads of sweat rolled down his face as he reached unbelievable speeds.

“Are you to afraid to admit how good my cock feels wrapped around that tight pussy of yours?”

I whimpered slightly from his comment only pushing me to the edge. Namjoon grabbed onto one of my legs putting in over his shoulder hitting a new position. The new found position sent me into a new form of nirvana making me let out a moan that i couldn’t hold back.

“Ah fuck Namjoon, fuck right there.”

Namjoon smirked at my sudden vocal commotion only driving him more. Namjoon soon displayed a few moans of his own as he speed up. Namjoon was certainly doing unspeakable things to me not only in bed but also with my emotions that i could no longer keep under control. They were sure to spill out soon. As of now i couldn’t focus to long on it as my second orgasm was approaching.

“Can you go any fucking faster?”

“If go any harder our not gonna want me to stop.”

Namjoon put his words to action as he held into my leg pounding into me as i let out an uncontrolled moan that i didn’t expect. I loved making a rise out of him, it always gave me what i wanted and he never disappointing. Namjoon was giving me countless amount of reasons for him to be worthy and it took to this point of sexual tension for me to finally realize it.

I had let out one final moan as i came undone as Namjoon soon followed behind as our moans mixed together in a form of bliss. Namjoon got off from atop of me to throw the condom away in the bedside trashcan. After the mind blowing sex we hadn’t really expected we laid there in silence looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m, uh sorry if i was to rough.”

I nodded not really knowing how to respond. Namjoon turned his body using his elbow to prop himself up eyeing me.

“Do you really hate me this much? I had thought at least after all this you would show some sort of affection.”

I let out a soft sigh feeling nervous that the conversation was approaching. I hated talking about my feelings especially when it came to him, but there was no running away now. I turned my body facing him seeing his eyes soften before switching back to a poker face as we eyed each other.

“I-I don’t hate you. I never did its just uh i don’t know I just have a hard time showing my feelings. I don’t hat you i guess i like you. It was just this persona i put up. I acted like i hated you but in reality i really admire you.”

I closed my eyes as i stated what i felt before opening them back up greeted by a smiley dimpled faced Namjoon. He displayed a happy state as mine copied his seeing that he wasn’t weirded out by what i said making my mood lighten. Namjoon pulled me into a hug making me laugh lightly feeling actually okay with my feelings for once.

“You know Taehyung misses you, a lot.”

I had stiffened at his name feeling my emotions contract again and so could Namjoon.

“Yeah im sure he does.”

“No im serious, sure he doesn’t say anything but i can just see it in his eyes. Almost as if somethings missing but he cant seem to figure out what or rather who it is.”

I opened my mouth to say something before Namjoon’s phone rung. Namjoon took one arm away from my bare body to examined his phone. Namjoon had typed away before looking back at me with a guilty smile making me look at him confused.

“What did you do?”

“I may have just invited you to hang out with me Taehyung and Jimin. So this should be fun.”

I sighed at Namjoon and his attempt to fix my relationship with Taehyung. Me and Namjoon hadn’t even been on good terms for a couple of hours and he was already disrupting the chaos in my life. Seems like something he does quite often.

I thought i would have been prepared for this but i certainly was not. I had been face to face to Taehyung as Jimin and Namjoon were awkwardly in the background awaiting for the next few moves. Taehyung moved slowly to me before he full on engulfed me in a heart warming hug. His hands gripped around my waist as mine gripped his neck while my nose was in the crock of is neck taking in his scent.

“Oh my god ive missed you so much. Im sorry that ive been such a mean person i truly didnt mean it i just- Ah i dont know. I dont deserve you or your forgiveness but i just cant live without one of my best friends.”

“I missed you too Tae.”

I laughed slightly as he hugged me tighter at the nickname. The hug didnt last long before Namjoon pulled us apart and eyed Tae with a glare.

“Alright thats enough now get our hands off of my girl.”

I smiled softly as Namjoon came behind me and put his arms around my waist bringing us closer in proximity. Tae looked at us with a smirk and pointing between us.

“I see you both settled the sexual tension.”

“Oh you dont even know the half of it.”

Jimin grabbed Tae and walked out my door as they went on to talk about mine and Namjoon’s new found relationship. We followed soon after them hand in hand engaging in small conversation before we got in Jimin’s car.

This time the rid was filled with obnoxious laughs long lived conversation unlike the awkward tension it once was filled with. Namjoon still had his arm around me as we sat in the back seat occasionally stealing a small kiss from me informing me everything was going to be okay.

Namjoon managed to destroy my world but then pick up the broken pieces making them new again.Out of the 7.5 billion people apart of our world i was the only person who was feeling such an extraordinary feeling. It surely wasn’t love as it was to soon but it was a sign of reassurance that Namjoon and i would be okay rather it be boyfriend and girlfriend or strictly friendship. I knew we wouldn’t go on bad terms. These 7.5 billion people roamed our earth, but as of now i only focused one the four of us. The four people who made my world rotate and the one person who made me feel as if i was the only person on planet earth.

Namjoon was the one person i hated the most out of all of these people but somehow he managed to be the one person i cared about most. I had finally accepted my emotions and fate, finally being able to accept it as he sat lovingly by my side.

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self-wonderland · 7 years

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What au would fit tina and each ship best?

i love aus

thanks for sending this!!! ♥

okay so! shina woud def be fairytale au. as them being royalty, and probs betrothed… or maybe shiro saving tina from a dragon? except tina actually befriended the dragon that was just lonely and sick of being attacked and shit, and explained so to shiro, so shiro didnt harm the dragon, the dragon just became their friend and pet and everyone truly lived happily ever after

tidge would be roommate au!! they wouldnt know each other and would like study completely different things and everything, but theyd be comfortable living around each other, and theyd start getting more involved in what the other is studying and doing and theyd just end up knowing each other very well and start falling and everythings cute and pure. also theyd pull allnighters together and then die together

keina is!! man i dont know if theres an au for this and how its called?? tina just works reception at keith’s gym, and shes there when he gets there really early and its pretty much just them, and while she enjoys the sight, sometimes they chat when he stops for a break buys a bottle of water at the vending machines in front of the reception, shes bored and asks him questions and hes not that bothered, and they end up talking a lot and they get acquainted and then everytime keith comes in shes cheerfully saying goodmorning to him even if shes dying from tiredness (and proceeds to faceplant on the desk and be like “kill me i hate being here so early in the morning”. he snorts and is like “and whose cute face am i supposed to see if youre not here?”. he realises what he said and they both blush and he just nyooms to the changing rooms)

tince coffee shop au!! lance works at the coffee shop, tina is there often because she likes the coffee and its a cute quiet cozy place she feels comfortable in so she comes in whether to do work or just spend some time, esp when shes in a bad or depressive mood and she needs to be away from home but somewhere she feels safe. lance always cheers her up and he always knows what to say without going overboard and making her uncomfortable! lance doesnt want to be too bold so he never gives her his number but one day she comes in and she tries to be chill but its obvious shes crumbling from depression and whatever happened at home so she just slumps over an armchair and orders the usual with a weak voice and just keeps her head down and just kind of tries not to cry and breakdown there and then, and lance gets it and does super cute latte art and gives her her favourite pastry even if its not her usual because its more expensive, and he pays everything for her, and asks someone to cover for him for a few minutes (and uses up his break for that, pretty much) and joins her and likes the way she lights up at the sight of the pastry, and when lance tells her that the bill is already been taken care of, and he tries to ask her whats wrong and she doesnt reply but she folds up a little more and looks away so its obvious she doesnt want to talk about it, so lance casually changes subject like “you know whats wrong in my life?” and dramatically retells of like something super stupid that happened, probably with his siblings, and makes her laugh and cheers her up and never leaves her alone, for the entirety of his break (that his coworkers make as long as they can before they need him back or theyll die, but their coffee shop isnt usually busy so thats good luck), and just takes her mind off of stuff and makes her feel better and she? appreciates it so much. and when hes like “ah man they need me back, theres not enough lance for everyone! ill see you later, sweetcake” but before he can leave she calls to him and just thanks him and hes like, “im always here for a cute girl like you” and winks at her before going back to work.

she finishes her coffee and before leaving she writes her number on a piece of paper and when she brings her cup and plate back she also leaves the paper, making sure lance sees it, and leaves.

he calls her as soon as hes off and they start going on dates and theyre adorable. i wrote too much about this. i swear i didnt think about this before.

tink highschool au!! theyre in a lot of the same classes and they exchange notes sometimes when they sit close and they end up helping each other a lot in different subjects so they end up sitting next to each other more often and end up being friends and then start liking each other eyyy

allina mermaid au!! tinas the mermaid and shes so curious of the humans?? (or… alteans whatever) and shes told repeatedly to not contact the humans but she decides to take secret trips to the beach anyway ofc. she sees from far away allura, sitting on the beach humming and enjoying the dawn with her feet in the water and she looks so calm and so pretty that tina decides that, since no one else is around, she wants to try and get closer! allura is at first confused about who would be out in the water at that time, but she then sees her tail and is so excited?? and tina at first is scared but allura still has a calming aura so she explains with a soft voice that she wont hurt her, shes just never seen someone like her, is she a mermaid? so tina slowly gets closer and nods, and they end up talking a lot about each others kingdoms and cultures because theyre both curious people, and tina never gets caught and allura is smart about how to avoid being caught and respects tinas wish of not being known to anyone else so she keeps it to herself, but they meet most nights at the beach and sometimes they play around, but mostly they talk. and they never end up married or anything, in my idea of this au, but they do end up having really strong romantic feelings for each other, so they decide to start dating. and its all a secret and all, but they meet often, and tina gives her a special seashell they can literally call with whenever they cant see each other or alluras on a trip or if they just want to hear each others voice during the day, and they definitely have good morning calls!!! and allura is a princess so she needs to marry for her kingdom, but it is always clear to everyone in the kingdom - and to alluras spouse - that it is not a love marriage, just a marriage for the good of the kingdom, and her spouse is a good friend and confidant (although theyre never told about tina either) and they respect it and alluras such a good queen anyway that no one doubts the ability for her and her spouse to be good rulers without being actually romantically involved. so allura still secretly dates tina and tina knows of this and shes?? so touched that allura still wants to date her and didnt want to forget about her to have a love marriage?? tina loves her so much. she just peppers her with kisses so much for a good deal of nights. theyre happy and in love and dating is enough for both of them

#ask #anon #Tina's SI #Voltron SI #Anon #shina #tidge #tince #tink #keina #allina

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Drew & Carly

Drew: Carly Drew: I need to come over now Drew: On train Carly: k Carly: how long? Drew: idk does it fucking matter Drew: 40 mins ish Carly: i gotta clear out so yea Drew: alright Drew: do it then Carly: i am Carly: whats wrong with you? Drew: got some bad news Drew: need to get fucked up you may as well be there Carly: k Carly: ill make you feel better Drew: ha Carly: trust me boy Drew: no Drew: trust no bitch Carly: everyones out Carly: see im good to trust Carly: keeping my word Drew: tah Drew: don't invite anyone else round Drew: i don't want to fuck Carly: i wont Carly: this about her? Drew: You're jealous of Ro? Lmao, you have NO idea Carly: im not Carly: im asking for you Carly: you dont wanna fuck what else we gonna do cept talk Drew: i said Drew: get wrecked Drew: don't act like that's not what you want too Carly: k Carly: forget i said it Drew: least of my worries Drew: forget about it too Drew: doesn't mean anything Carly: yea Carly: getting that from you Drew: don't be weird Drew: don't need it today Carly: youre gonna get what you need soon Drew: i might need to hide for a bit Drew: cool? Carly: yea Carly: whenever you know Drew: good Drew: can't go back to my flat for a bit Drew: might need to move on Drew: not sure yet Carly: k Carly: for good? Drew: Yeah Drew: bridges burned, nothing here for me now Carly: they gonna come here? Carly: what you want me to say if theyre looking? Drew: Nah, nah Drew: not that Drew: Christ, I'd already be dead, that's where I've been past few days Drew: you're fine, you don't have anything to worry about Carly: Good Carly: can I come there? Carly: ill miss you Drew: I'll come back Drew: My sister will still be here Drew: we can hook up Drew: better get a new dealer for day to day tho Carly: yea Carly: fuck Drew: soz Drew: might not come to that Drew: idk what's going on Carly: what can i do? Drew: Idk, you know a good contract killer? Carly: all my contacts talk and talk Carly: whos fucking with you? Drew: no one Drew: but that's about to change Drew: you want a list? Carly: no Carly: i want you to feel better Drew: why do you care Carly: you make me feel good Carly: who does that for you? Drew: no one Carly: let me Drew: leave off Drew: i'm not in the mood Carly: anything you want Carly: when you are Drew: you're all the same, even the ones of you that front otherwise, makes me laugh Drew: tell you to have some self-respect but doesn't make a difference in the end Carly: im not hurting over this Carly: laugh it up Drew: oh, i am Drew: you're all jokes Carly: if youre trying to fight with me ill go there Carly: idc Drew: go on then 😂 Drew: what could you possibly say to make my day any worse Drew: I'd LOVE to know Carly: why do you want me to? Carly: none of your beef is with me Carly: hit up whoever else Drew: 'cos the last thing i want is that lovey dovey bullshit from you rn Drew: you said I could come to hide Drew: if you've changed your mind say Drew: don't waste my time Carly: its not Carly: you're good to me im trying to do the same Carly: if thats a waste of time its of mine Drew: no, i'm not, Carly Drew: that isn't what this is, or has ever been Drew: we use each other for personal gain, that's it Carly: yea you give me what i need Carly: let me do it for you Carly: stay here Drew: alright Drew: but that's all I need Drew: just the caravan Carly: k Drew: i only need a few days, alright, get my head fucked, then straight again Drew: i'll be out your hair asap Drew: and i'll stay on the sofa, just ignore me best you can Drew: you can keep people away for that long, yeah? Carly: yea Carly: ill put the word out now Carly: itll be sorted when you get here Drew: cheers Drew: i'm sorry okay Drew: know its not ideal Drew: got nowhere else Carly: youre welcome here whenever Drew: i don't get you Drew: none of you Carly: you know whats up Carly: personal gain Carly: i need some bad Carly: the good shit Drew: why not pay for it Drew: you have enough money Drew: what you saving for? new shoes? Carly: i got the sack Carly: whats it matter Drew: 'course Drew: nothing, nothing Drew: i wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch, that's all Carly: k Drew: 'bout 10 mins away Drew: im gonna take some in toilet Drew: can't wait Carly: dont be too greedy Drew: you'll get yours Drew: i'll do what i like Drew: my fucking drugs Carly: dont cry Drew: don't take the fucking piss Drew: you ain't paying Carly: i know Drew: had enough dealing with fucking junkies Carly: dont call me that Drew: what, grown a backbone? Drew: its what you are, darling Carly: if you wanna stay then don't Drew: might take my chances tbh Drew: doing my head in Drew: women Drew: know your bff had her baby? Carly: no Carly: she isnt my bff Drew: now, now, you're not exactly surrounded by offers Drew: though you will be taking back the flowers when you find out Carly: why would I care? Carly: nothing to do with me Drew: is with me Drew: still apathetic? Carly: fuck who you like Carly: youve wanted her for years Drew: well i got her now Drew: 25 to life Carly: thats why youre hiding Carly: she doesnt wanna play happy families Drew: yeah Drew: doubt caleb does either Drew: or her brothers and dad Drew: like i said, list is long Carly: she'll change her mind when she can't do it alone Carly: open arms for you Drew: no she won't Drew: she's not like you Carly: im not like her Carly: never having kids Drew: you shouldn't Drew: state of Drew: the way you go though you won't have choice in the matter Carly: piss off Drew: i'm serious Drew: never make me use protection Drew: doubt you do any other punter Drew: you need to take better care of yourself Carly: its none of your business Carly: im not gonna drop another kid on you Drew: yeah that's what I reckoned with Ali too Drew: like I said, don't trust any of you Drew: especially you Drew: my business when its mine Carly: its not happening Carly: you can go back to not caring Drew: No, I can't Drew: don't you get it? This has changed my entire life Drew: I've gotta leave my home and everyone I've known because Drew: even if I don't step up, she's still my kid Drew: she's not going away Drew: I've not got my head stuck in the sand or up my arse like you Drew: you'll get this rude awakening one day too, mark my words Carly: stay and be a dad Carly: theres no-one in your way Carly: and she's going to uni it'll be a part time thing Drew: Oh yeah, what a dad I'll be Drew: drug dealer with nowt else to offer but gear and a bit of dirty cash Drew: whatever she says, she won't want a kid 'round that, i fucking wouldn't Drew: and Caleb will always be in the way Drew: fuck that Carly: she cant stop you Carly: neither can he Carly: and she will want the kid to have a dad Carly: nobodys is decent Carly: be around Drew: Can if I'm a criminal Drew: they'll just dob me in when they're sick of having me hanging about Drew: it'll have a dad, she knows she's got him Drew: don't need or want me Drew: can't hack it Carly: go straight Drew: now why would you tell me to do a thing like that Drew: no more drugs for you if I'm stuck stacking shelves for a kid that calls him dad and not me Carly: youre not the only dealer, goldie Drew: i repeat, what's in it for you Drew: why you care if i'm around if i'm not funding you Carly: i wanna help you Drew: what about yourself Drew: who helps you Carly: whoever deals in your place Drew: you'll get hurt Drew: shouldn't mess around with people like that Drew: like me Carly: i can handle it Carly: nothing to matter to you Drew: s'not true Drew: you might be stoned enough to pretend you don't give a fuck about anything Drew: but i'm not a monster you know Drew: christ Carly: im not saying you are Carly: but don't pretend you care Drew: shut up Drew: of course i do Drew: i don't want you to get killed or beaten up every day 'and numbed out by the hardest stuff Drew: i only starting dealing to you so you wouldn't go to someone else Carly: its not gonna be that Drew: what's it gonna be? you'll knuckle down, get a job, get some friends, only do a bit for fun on weekends? Drew: that's not what you're doing, not where you're headed Carly: i can stop whenever i want Drew: you can't Drew: if you think you can then you're more gone than i know you are Drew: can't bullshit me on this, i have your tab, remember? Carly: fuck off Carly: im not a junkie Drew: yes you are Drew: and on the off-chance you aren't Drew: you certainly act like one Drew: do you think all girls fuck me for drugs? maybe once for a club drug but this is years now, as often as I'll let it happen Drew: and I shouldn't have but Drew: yeah Carly: don't drew Carly: dont come here either Drew: Carly Drew: I'm sorry Drew: I won't Carly: keep your sorry Carly: i wanted you ok Drew: i know Drew: i've known for a while, longer than i'd ever admit Drew: what else can i say? Carly: nothing Carly: dont talk to me Carly: stay away Drew: but Drew: i want you too Drew: i do Carly: no you dont Drew: i fucking do Drew: i just want to stop Drew: stop helping you kill yourself Carly: im not going anywhere Drew: you will Drew: everyone leaves me Carly: ive got nowhere to go Carly: this caravan is it Carly: and i cant leave you im not with you Drew: but you are Drew: you're constant Drew: you'll either get better and realise you're better than me like Ro and Ali and my own sister Drew: or you'll fuck off to be fucked up somewhere else like my mum Drew: or worse Carly: im not them Carly: im not trying to be better than you i know im not Carly: youre so good, drew Carly: i dont wanna be anywhere you arent with anyone else Drew: i'm not Drew: i'm bad but i can't stop Drew: i don't know how Carly: not to me, you've always been good Carly: looked after me Carly: you said yourself you wanted to protect me Drew: but Drew: i still gave you drugs and i call you horrible things and Drew: only see you when i wanted to, when Ro wasn't around or whatever else dirt I was pulling Carly: i ask ill stop Carly: im not scared Carly: i want you more Drew: its not your fault Drew: do you mean it Drew: will you try Carly: yea Carly: ill be better Carly: treat you better Carly: let me and youll see Drew: how do you want me Drew: i'll do whatever you want Carly: I just want you Carly: I love you Drew: I love you too Carly: be here now Drew: 🏃

#what a mess #when it aug and come april she be dead #sads

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jemodemo · 6 years

Text

So this is kinda important I guess

Some of you may or may not know, my parents kicked me out last November. I, being a minor and unable to legally live on my own without emancipation, which I have no real basis to request, moved in with this family I’ve known for about 4 years. I used to go to their home for respite (please just google it I’ve been going to respite places since I was 7 and I honeslty have no idea what it is) so they know me pretty well. I’ve noticed a lot of various different things, though.

First of all, how they treat my mental health. I have a lot of issues with my mental health and behavioral control due to some unsavory things happening in my childhood, and sometimes those things come up and me, having been on meds for so freaking long and finally getting a say in whether or not I wanna take meds, I don’t take meds (although I started one about a month and a half ago and so far it’s mostly positive results but that’s not the point). My mom, if I couldn’t see the point of getting out of bed to go to school, would try to call the police for truancy. Also, if I needed to come home because I just couldn’t be at school, she’d have me do extra chores around the house as a sort of punishment for my “bad behavior”. My mom, for those of you who don’t know, is going to college to be a therapist and work with kids with mental health issues, by the way. My people (that’s what I prefer to call them. It’s simple enough so that I don’t really have to explain it), when I can’t see the point of getting out of bed to go to school, just let me be and check in every once in a while. I just have to text them that I’m taking a mental health day so they can call in to school and say I’m ill, which is frankly the truth. If I seem to be stressed or cranky, they don’t say, “why are you so cranky” or “jeez you woke up on the wrong side of the bed” and then push me to talk about it and proceed to tell me my issues are invalid. They say, “hey, I see that you seem to be upset. Would you like to talk about it?” And if I say no, they say “are you sure” and if I continue to say that I don’t want to talk about they tell me that they’re here if I need anything. They don’t push me to join the family and then say something like “nice of you to finally be a part of the family”. They make it known that they would like for me to be downstairs with them more often and when I’m downstairs, if I’m in a cheery mood they say “wow i haven’t seen your shining face in ages” or something along those lines.

Another thing I’ve noticed is the things they notice. Whenever we get fast food, I prefer Burger King (the bacon king and onion rings and a root beer with no ice) and they order for me and remember that that’s what I prefer. They noticed that after the third time we went to Burger King. And if I don’t come along and they get fast food, they always know what I like from various restaurants (most importantly no ice in my drink). They know I like Swiss rolls but not the little Debbie brand, the off brand stuff from the local grocery store. They know I love spam and try to keep it in the pantry (although it’s expensive and it’s understandable when I eat it all). They know I like the music I like, and when they go to a thrift store and they see a CD I might like, they’ll buy it. I have an avenged sevenfold cd (even though I don’t really listen to them that often), a good charlotte cd (actually my favorite cd from them), and an all American Rejects cd (again, favorite cd from them) that they bought me without my knowledge. They also know that I prefer medium t shirts and I love the color green (I literally have green hair). If they see a shirt at the thrift store (I love thrust stores btw) that they think I might like, they’ll get it. When I needed a new pair of shoes, they saw a pair of converse at a thrift store that was my size and they just got them. They were in good condition too. They know the things I like and notice the details. My parents know my favorite color but still somehow refuse to accept that I like the rest of the stuff I like and need better bras than Walmart bras and that I fit into medium shirts and not XXL shirts (although those are nice for sleeping). They don’t realize that I’ve lost a lot of weight and when I need new pants it’s sweatpants that are absolutely massive on me and are still too big when I have them tied. Sometimes my people will play a fall out boy song (they’re my favorite “emo” band but not my all time favorite band) kinda loud downstairs and see how long it takes me to shout the next lyrics after I realize that it’s fall out boy (I actually have freakishly good hearing when it comes to music but like everything else is like what no im like deaf).

Another thing that I’ve noticed that’s different between the two households is conversations. My parents are super conservative Christian parents. I’ll show my mom a meme and she’s like “well how do you think that makes that person feel that they’re like that” or ill tell a story about something or I’ll be really excited about something and they just look blankly at me or give halfhearted responses. Here, if I’m excited about something, people here get excited about stuff too. We all like different things but also like a lot of similar things. Like, if I wanna talk about my favorite beauty bloggers, I can talk to the person in the room next to mine. If I wanna talk about books I can talk to my roommate. If I wanna talk about video games I can talk to the guy down the hall. If I wanna talk about music I can talk to the youngest bio daughter (there’s ten people in my house btw as opposed to the four and occasionally five if my sister was home from college at my parents house). There’s always people to talk to about stuff. One of them was talking to the three year old the other day and I walked downstairs to get some water or something and I just heard her say “can you say DEEZ NUTZ” (keep in mind the person closest to my age is like 23). The baby was chewing on a toy potato and one of my people was like “hey look it’s you” and another one called me a breadstick so now they call me “carbohydrate” and the conversations are always nice and lively.

I also have a lot more freedom here. If I want to hang out with friends last minute, sure, just let me know where you’re going. If I wanna hang out with my closest (and longest) friend even though he’s a guy, sure, that doesn’t matter. When I decided that I wanted to stop taking birth control (I was only on it because I was on a shit ton of meds when I first got my shark week so it turned into shark month due to all the hormonal imbalances and whatnot and then I stopped taking meds and it’s all regular now) they said “okay just if you ever decide you want to get back on it because you want to do the stuff just let us know”. They let me have friends and do stuff last minute and go out in public to places and like be like a teenager in a book. My parents would freak out if I wanted to hang out with a boy, even with parental supervision and/ or in a group environment (excluding my dnd group but that’s cuz my DM is my best friends cousin and my parents love my best friend). If I wanted to visit a friend, it had to be planned a week in advance and they had to have met that friend beforehand. They had parental restrictions on my computer that banned any websites that were inappropriate for anyone under the age of ten (I’m 16 with a maturity level of a 30 year old for the most part) which made it nearly impossible to do my homework. They encouraged my wanting to do the arts (music, acting, and like drawing art) but if I needed new guitar strings (they’re like $5) they said no or if I wanted to paint they said no because “last time you got paint everywhere” which wasn’t true. If I need guitar strings here, yeah sure, just do a bit extra chores to like “earn the money” or whatever (basic stuff like cleaning the bathroom) and if I want to paint just make sure I clean it up after. Earlier this summer (technically it was still during school) a popular amusement park about two hours from here had its openening weekend and one of my friends asked if I could go and my people were fine with it, I just did a lot of extra chores. We had a two hour car drive, me and this girl who’s my age, and we picked up a couple of her friends and all four of us went to the amusement park without adults. It was kinda weird.

Anyway that got kind of unorganized but my point is:

When I lived with my parents, I was anxious, depressed, and almost always angry.

Now that I live with my people in a more “caring” environment, I’m happier and less stressed and angry, although my anxiety and whatnot still flares up occasionally.

If the people you’re always with are good to you, you’re probably going to be in a better mood and have better physical/ mental health.

If the people you’re always with aren’t all that good to be around, you’re likely to have worse mental/ physical health and be in worse moods.

That was a lot and I apologize but that was really important for me to say that. Also I’m not trying to come off as ungrateful, my parents tried at first but this past year hasn’t been that great for any of us and everything slipped. And whatnot.

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rhuemis · 6 years

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13. Introduce your current party.

hoo boy so we got:

-Scales

-Rhys

-Jeckyl

-Isiah

imma put the lengthy descriptions under a read more aha

Scales ((I dont think Scales even has a surname lmfao)):

-Warlock but insists that hes the party medic

-A white dragonborn that was born without scales due to a birth defect who has more than a few screws lose, calls himself a ‘doctor’ and we cant quite tell whether thats the truth or not

-Grew up in a brothel and now travels with the party to gain ‘medical knowledge’ whatever that means

-Has dissected the corpse of a literal god, harvests organs from whatever we kill and puts them all into bottles and then offers to transplant them into you if you get even remotely injured

-Is already mildly possessed but then ate some of the tentacles from a weird squid god for fun and then got DOUBLE possessed and tentacles shot out of his mouth and we had to drag him to a temple

-Something burst out of his chest one morning and now its his familiar. We were all stood at the door to his room like ‘This is Scales, this could just be part of his morning routine for all we know.’

- Speaks with a heavy German accent which makes anything Scales does like 4000 times better

-Isiah has literally promised his corpse to Scales

- Despite his quirks is protective of his party and deserves a pat on the snoot every so often

Rhys Lignius

- Half-elf sorcerer that currently has more levels in warlock than sorcerer

- hes the mom friend of the group and is a pretty serious guy, hes the one who gets shit done but not before he monologues so hard that the rest of us party members say ‘oh fuck no im not listening to Rhys’ spiel again’

-Came from a very important family and is very proud of his Latian heritage, doesnt let you forget that hes a big fuckin deal lmao hes on a mission to do something in relation to his father but hes not quite spilled on exactly what yet, hes just trying to get to some ancient ruins

- Is so much of an actual loser that whenever he casts Prestidigitation he clicks his fingers and the whole party has started doing it back at him jokingly

-Despite being a square we all love him and hes probably the most reliable in the group. Lawful Good™.

-Flavours my bacon.

-Is the metaphorical designated driver of the party, cleans up after us shit monkeys.

-Is physically around 22 years old but might as well be 55 years old.

Jeckyl Corvus:

- Newest party member, a half-elf rogue that keeps getting cockblocked from actually stealing anything

-Wrote a really intense anonymous love letter to my character and slid it under his room door at a tavern a few years before the campaign started after watching him perform and recognises Isiah but Isiah doesnt realise it was him who wrote the letter yet

-Spent some time in gay baby jail for being part of a group of thieves that got bamboozled by a rich and powerful family and was abandoned by the people he thought of as family.

-Wanted to be a tailor in the years before his taste for adventuring kicked him in the nards. He ended leaving his family to go and explore but this decision ultimately ended up with his family being stripped of everything they had so now hes plagued by The Guilt™. Wants to eventually save/steal enough money to get his family back on it’s feet again.

-Rugged and handsome but the most important thing you need to know about Jeckyl is that he keeps a pet mouse in his pocket named Rupert and that one day Jeckyl wants to fucking transmute him into an owl or some shit because he just cannot be satisfied huh. ‘Oh Rupert was my only friend whilst I was living on the streets blah blah blah’ yeah sure tell that to his face whilst you go fuckin Fullmetal Alchemist on his ass. Love Rupert for the contents of his character, not his form smh.

-Acts suave and cool but loses all of that composure when it comes to Isiah. Would probably commit sepukku if Isiah died.

-Has a lot of knives, which Scales finds ‘respectable’.

-First combat fuckin crits the fish plant man that had Isiah grappled 15ft underwater out of sheer gay panic. RIP Shape of Water fish man, you’ll be sorely missed.

Isiah Vakalyn:

-My character so you know hes....really something. Half-elf bard.

-Comes from a weirdly strict family who were actually fucking cultists and were ((and probably still are)) planning on sacrificing him to a demon or some shit but Isiah didnt even notice this shit and still has no idea. He thought everybody was taught Infernal and that families were just like that. His family told him to become a bard and he obeyed. They told him study and he obeyed. They limited his interaction to the outside world and he only really started thinking for himself after he made his first proper friend who then also later fucked him over real bad.

-Ran away from home after being cucked by his “only friend” into maybe murdering her dad we dunno if he died or not but I sure did stab him a lot. She lied and told him she was being abused by her dad and Isiah saw red and agreed to her murder plot only to be abandoned midway through. He also pickpocketed for her for like a year beforehand bc she said she was poor. She was very not poor. Bring on the subsequent trust issues.

-Is a bard but hates getting attention so he wears a black rabbit mask when he performs in front anything that isnt a small crowd. He found that mask in his house so you know thats gonna be some spooky cult shit.

- Is only 5′4 and is very conscious of it. Luckily the party is very understanding and calls him ‘the halfling’ or ‘the midget’ lovingly to watch him implode.

-Once accidentally stole a dwarven baby. Named it Isiah jr.

-Has a pet eel named Illius who is the most fuckin talented eel you’ll ever find. He glows! He talks! He beats your ass at card games! Translates languages! We found him behind a door that was sealed by magic and was only opened after Isiah played the music notes on the map we found. Those notes were an exert of a song by the most famous of all bards, Rickus Astelyus. Lo and behold behind the door was a huge tanks with a heckin good boy inside and Isiah adopted him IMMEDIATELY. Loves bacon bits and scritches.

-Received an anonymous love letter a few years back that gives him major anxiety and literally avoids the city he got it from. RIP Jeckyl youre gonna have to talk to him about that, Isiah is oblivious and has no idea lmao.

- Loves to eat bacon and recently bought out the bacon from the local tavern. Feeds some to Illius because its what he deserves. He’s also currently carrying a fuckton of bread, cheese, jam, and flour. Food is practically his way of diplomacy as he gives some to whoever he meets. It’s almost like his way of nervous self-defence. When tentacles shot out of Scale’s mouth Isiah just started shovelling bread into the tentacles and Scales woke up feeling incredibly full lmao.

-Has also in his inventory: a gay erotica book, a romance novel in a language he cant read, a rainbow slinkie, a magic mood ring that gives him poison resistance, 6 wolf teeth, a wolf leg bone, some gems, 4 days worth of rations on top of all the food he already has, a violin, a flute, and a fancy lute that he found in Illius’ chamber.

-Hes just nervous but loud mouthed and contradicts himself a lot. Anxious and eccentric. Says that hes just a bard and wasnt meant for any kind of greater scheme but the universe has other plans.

-Was once dabbed at by the god of entertainment, Apollon. ((Apollon is the only god Isiah really cares about lmao)).

and despite him not being in the party anymore im gonna give honorary mention to my favourite skyrim-glitch-of-a-barbarian, Florys:

-Was the character of a guy who played with us for one session. At the beginning of the next session he was on webcam with us all and we were about to start playing when suddenly his camera cut out and he went offline and weve literally not seen from him since. He’s not been online in over a month now. Some common theories in our group is that hes off fighting ISIS or got arrested for weed right there and then.

-Due to this weird player disappearance our DM, Benjamin, had to take control of Florys whilst we looked for a new party member. In the session that the player disappeared from we didnt know if he was gonna come back or not so Benjamin had Florys suddenly contract a horrific stomach bug and was just in the tavern toilet presumably making a fuckin hole in the floor with the noise it apparently made lmfao Isiah actually had to try and play music over the top of Florys’ shitfest at one point and only just managed to drown the sound out. But as time went by days were eventually passing in the campaign and the player still hadnt come back so poor Florys was not having a great time in the bathroom for several DAYS.

-Eventually the DM realised that this player was not gonna come back and that the party was short on a tank so he started piloting Florys for a while to accompany us on our quest ((and miraculously recovering from his terrifying stomach illness)) but hed forgotten how the player said Florys was so just was making shit up on the fly. I specifically remember the original player of Florys saying ‘Oh Florys isn’t like those stereotypical dumb barbarians’ which is why I lost my shit when the Florys being piloted by the DM turned around and said ‘What the fuck is a triangle?’ ... Florys is practically brain-damaged at this point, I think it might be the DMs retribution for the player disappearing lmao

-Threw all of his hand axes into a river during one fight and then into a cieling the next, which provoked Isiah to jokingly call out: ‘Oh, Florys! You’re so handsome and cool!’ which Florys with his last 2 braincells took seriously. The handsome and cool line became an on-running meme and gets used whenever any of us fucks up lmao

-For some reason grew rlly attached to a piano he found in Illius’ chamber and carried it around with him out of two parts stubborness two parts piano LUST.

-We ended up using him as a mule to carry all of our heavy shit bc he’d just do it and he literally wouldn’t think anything of it.

-We found a giant birds nest and Florys for some reason picked it up and carried it away and got fucking kidnapped by a giant bird so now hes literally just in fucking sky somewhere sat in a birds nest and being flown around which is wild bc we expected the DM to just kill Florys but instead hes just in the fucking sky where he belongs. Like legit hes just sat in there. Hes just in the sky. Godspeed.

HEAVES I could write so much more but this is already incredibly lengthy so here take it

also @redthebattler idk if any of this would be interesting to you lmao

#dnd ask #Anonymous

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