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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’. DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not. HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment. I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief. For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions. In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair. Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity. On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd. There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings). Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond. A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross. In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute. Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative. The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average. Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing. Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy. Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow. Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship. Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this. The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label. Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour. I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it. Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics. I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble. Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke. This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars, @galemalio (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz, @critical-hazbin, @what-the-hazbin, @hazboobhotel, @pineapple-critiques-stuff, @devils-advocutie, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin critical #anti huskerdust sorry folks #vivienne medrano #criticism #toxic relationships in fiction #how fiction impacts the real world #yeah im a wimp who cares?#hazbin needs to change for the better #concerned fan #dont be another yandev #dont be another yansim #stans and antis dni #stans and antis will be blocked and reported #hope this gives justice to my hero about the rl effects of addiction #rest easy Kiddas got this #still shitting myself #read more wont work sorry

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missaudreyhorney · 4 years

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Imagine seeing David Harbour at a frozen yogurt shop

I was scrolling through Instagram this morning and saw this picture. The thing that struck me most about it was this quality of him looking like a regular handsome guy that you could ostensibly run into anywhere. That quality of his is a lot of what appeals to me about him, the idea that he’s just a “sexy normal dude” as Milla Jovovich put it.

Quickly I started to imagine a scenario in which shy!Reader happens to run into him and how I think that would play out. It was really helpful to use this picture as a prompt for my writing since Ive been feeling stuck with my other projects over the past couple of days. I know real person fiction is often frowned upon but this is more of a silly writing exercise than anything else. Please enjoy! (T for language, multiple uses of “Daddy”, 1.6k words)

It has been a long, stressful week for you and it’s looking like next week won’t be any different. All you want on this Sunday afternoon is some frozen yogurt. Nothing else. You don’t even ask any of your friends to go with you, you just get in your car and drive to the nearest place that comes up on GPS.

The first thing you see upon walking into the place is a cute dad standing at the counter, paying for his order. He’s wearing a dark purple t-shirt, black jeans, and a pair of sunglasses on top of his head. He’s actually more than cute, he’s really hot. You can’t help but stare at his muscular forearms and huge hands as you get in line. The top of his yogurt cup is covered in whipped cream and he has a tiny dollop of it on his left hand. Your mind goes straight into the gutter at the sight of it.

When he moves to sit down at one of the tables, you realize that there are no kids with him, just two other adults. He’s not actually a dad, at least not from what you can tell. He just looks like a dad and gives off that authoritative energy that only sexy older men possess. You didn’t see a wedding ring when you were staring at his hands so hopefully he’s single. Hopefully, as if you’d ever have the nerve to approach this man and ask him out on a date.

When it’s your turn to order, you get strawberry shortcake, a safe choice since you’ve never been here before. As the cashier tells you your total, you hear the man’s booming voice behind you. He’s not trying to be loud, he’s just a big guy who speaks with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. The voice almost sounds familiar to you. Almost like someone you know but you don’t know anyone this handsome in real life. Digging out a couple of coins from your wallet, it dawns on you where you’ve heard his voice before.

Stranger Things. On Netflix. That’s not just any random hot guy that you were staring at, that’s David fucking Harbour! Your entire body freezes in place and your mind goes blank. The one solitary thought in your head is the sound of his voice. His deep, sexy voice. One that has the power both to soothe and to provoke. You close your eyes and listen to him, almost getting lost in a trance. The cashier repeats your total back to you and your eyes shoot open again. “Oh, I’m sorry,” you say as you hand them your money then turn around to find somewhere to sit.

Your eyes dart around the room, looking for empty tables. There’s plenty available but only one that’s close enough to him without being too obvious. From this vantage point, you should be able to look at him without him noticing too much that you’re fully staring. Taking a deep breath, you set your cup down on the table, pull the chair out, and sit down. Finally, you look at him again, trying to extinguish that lingering doubt that it’s really him and your thirsty brain isn’t just playing tricks on you. His blue eyes, his beard, his dimples, and the teensy little mole on the back of his right hand all confirm your suspicion. It is him! There’s absolutely no denying it now.

No wonder you felt so short when you walked past him, the man is 6’3” for christsake. You know that from Googling him before, as you’ve done so multiple times. It’s been a while since you’ve watched Strangers Things, but every time you do, you catch yourself having a crush on Chief Jim Hopper. How could you not? He is the epitome of a Hot Dad, a total DILF. You've even fantasized about calling him Daddy before, and here he is, in the flesh, eating frozen yogurt and drinking his coffee just a few feet away from you. The idea of asking him out seems infinitely more impossible now than it did when you thought he was just an average, albeit gorgeous guy.

It isn’t until now that you regret not inviting anyone to come here with you because you already know that none of your friends are going to believe it when you tell them that you saw David Harbour in person. They’re going to say that it was just wishful thinking and probably tease you about liking him so much, about all the Hopper fanfiction you’ve read. Oh gosh, the fanfiction. The thoughts you’ve had about the character that this man plays are absolutely filthy. If you’re being completely honest with yourself, those thoughts were never restricted solely to his character. You’ve had just as many, if not more, wild fantasies about the man himself. You blush at all the times you’ve said that you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if you ever met him.

This isn’t technically meeting him though. This is accidentally running into him somewhere and wrestling with yourself about what to do next. The way he talks and the way he smiles seems so warm and friendly. Surely he wouldn’t mind you coming over to his table for a brief moment just to say hi, maybe get an autograph, maybe a hug if you’re feeling extra bold. He probably wouldn’t mind, you’re not sure if you’d be able to deal with it. What if you go to speak to him and no words come out? What if he does hug you and as you feel his strong arms wrapped around you, you get lost in the moment and accidentally call him Daddy? That would be absolutely humiliating and you'd never be able to forget it.

For now, you just watch him, almost like it’s a scene from the show. Both of you eat your frozen yogurt, but you’re so enraptured by him that you’re not really paying attention to the taste or the temperature. All your attention is on him, the way he opens his mouth slightly, sticking his tongue out a bit to meet the spoon as it touches his lips. Oh, how you wish you were that spoon, that he might touch you with his tongue. After what feels like either a second or an hour, but is probably only ten minutes, he gazes to the side and his eyes meet yours. You let out a soft gasp and immediately look down at your table, the beauty and intensity of his dark blue eyes just too much for you to handle. Your cheeks burn with embarrassment at the prospect of him catching you staring at him. When you look back up, your hands trembling just a little bit, he’s no longer looking at you, but he has the most amazing smile on his face.

Aside from the spoon, you feel an additional inkling of jealousy towards the people he’s with. They all seem to be close friends, based on how they’re interacting with each other. He’s so engaging in the way that he speaks with them, the way that he listens so intently. Multiple times, he has both of them laughing. Sometimes it’s more of an inside joke that you don’t understand, and sometimes it's something that makes you want to laugh as well, although you hold back since you’re not supposed to be eavesdropping. Even if you didn’t want to listen to his conversation, it would be hard not to. He has such a big presence, it practically fills up the entire room. If your eyes were able to unglue from him and look around, you’re certain that you wouldn’t be the only one that’s preoccupied with him.

After glancing down at your cup to check how much frozen yogurt is left, your eyes go back to him and see that he and the people he came with are getting up to leave. There’s a weight in your chest at the thought of him going without you having exchanged a single word. Not only that, but you won’t even be able to look at him anymore. Once they’re all standing, a woman comes up to him and asks for a picture. He could not possibly be any more kind and gracious to her. He gives such a cute little smirk as he poses for the picture and chats with her a bit before she sits back down. It’s one of the most adorable things you’ve ever seen.

Now is your chance! Now you have to say something to him! You already know he’s going to be sweet to you if you approach him but it’s not his reaction that you’re worried about, it’s yours. If you talk to him and accidentally say something stupid, he’s not going to mind at all but you will. You’ll think about it every single day. As he walks from his table to the front door, he profusely thanks the people working behind the counter and you feel like your heart is going to burst because of how nice he is. He nears the exit and it’s literally now or never as you have absolutely no idea when you might ever see him again.

There’s so much you want to say, so much you need to say. All these pining, appreciative thoughts race through your head, wanting to jump out of your mouth. Each of them are quieted when he looks at you. Not in your general vicinity, but directly at you. He gives you another amazing smile that makes you completely melt inside. “Bye,” he says to you casually. “Bye,” you respond wistfully, a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. The smile stays on his face as he leaves and puts his sunglasses back on. Your heart is beating a mile a minute while you watch him walk away. You will think about this every single day, not because you made a fool of yourself but because David Harbour noticed you.

#David Harbour #jim hopper imagine #David Harbour imagine #Hopper x Reader #Hopper x You #gender neutral reader #I did it #I don't care if this is embarrassing #im just practicing

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questionthebox · 3 years

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Poets Diary

ive contemplated poisoning my father, as ive tired of how exhausting he is, his presence and weakness, he is without a doubt a weak man, incapable, and beaten down, he can’t comprehend at an adult level, and I realized this two weeks ago, speaking to him in the parking lot of the 99 cent only store, his lack of leadership has hurt me, and everyone else, but its he and I, alone here, and I do my best to avoid all interaction with him on a daily basis, as he’s always angry, stressed out, and selfish and childish, and frankly crazy,

all the man does is work, he’s 56 years old, and gets up everyday at 5.30am to go to his job and work,

I don’t believe he’s had sex in years, and he retreats into focusing on my mother, in weird ways, the other day, I grabbed his phone to look at his text messages, and I see these bizarre angry texts he’s sent my mother, the energy of which, is astonishing to me, he simply can’t let her go,

the improvements on our home, my friends have witnessed this year, have all been because of me, I was also responsible for kicking out those users and manipulators, who constantly use and manipulate him,

to say im sick of him, doesn’t quite catch my feeling, I simply would if this world was like the older times in human history, I would’ve had this man killed, or killed him myself,

and only those young men who have been burdened with weak fathers will understand this impulse in me, I despise this man, everything about him I hate,

few days back, he asked me to do something utterly absurd, and crazy, he wanted me to write a fake letter, pretending to be the housing company who owns my grandparents home, writing a letter to my grandfather, detailing how he can no longer sit in his garage, my grandfather turns 94 in a few days, he’s an old man, who hates his wife, and simply goes to the garage, where he fiddles with his tools, making bicycles, watching television and so on, he just wants to spend his last days alone, and away from his wife my grandmother and his children, but because he is in his 90′s he frequently find himself being injured, and my father is tired of dealing with him, but instead of doing the rational thing, in putting my grandfather in a nursing home, my father which is a trait of his, always wants to do the wrong thing, the crazy thing, hence this letter proposal,

ive told my father why doesn’t he put my grandfather in a home, and he really has no answer, but ive deduced why, my dad makes money off my grandpa, even though my dad pulls in over 2 grand regularly 3 grand a month, from his job, my dad has this nice little side piece of money, from the IHSS which gives him every two weeks, about 530 dollars, as my grandfathers care giver, if he puts him in a home, that luxury evaporates,

he says he pays 3 thousand dollars in bills every month, but its only due to this idiot owning 3 cars, used to be 4 cars, until he sold his Cadillac CTS, our place is effectively rent controlled, in that a two bedroom, which its really two apartments combined into one, our house is gigantic, in terms of space, and what's inside, our rent is 900 dollars a month, which is a steal, for Southern California, without the rent controls, this place would be perhaps close to 2 grand,

but he lives in this weird stressed out fantasy land, where everyone is against him, and doing something to him,

he’s essentially decayed himself, I believe he’s waiting to die, personally I wouldn’t stop him from killing himself, as it would frankly make my life a whole lot easier,

but I believe he’s living out some form of existential suicide,

he hasn’t had Sex in years, was openly jealous, when I was having women come to our house, to have sex with throughout this year, he only focuses on his corvettes, and spends his time looking for a new corvette to buy, at times he would buy tons of clothing, his portion of the house is full of clothes and shoes he hasn’t worn, he just piles things up and puts things into black garbage bags,

he has no friends, and doesn’t pursue anything,

he just lives very weirdly, spending his money on things he doesn’t need, and hoarding, he loves to hoard, but he only does it in his section of our home,

his bedroom, and personal bathroom, are filthy, I mean the level of filth, and derangement in his section of the house is astonishing, there are clothes everywhere, as I mentioned, he’s put all these dressers in there which make no sense practically or from a spacial sense, he found this junk television while working brought it here, and placed it on his dresser, it sits there idle, even as he has a 65 inch tv hanging from his wall, he’s also placed an extra mattress on his bed, which makes no sense, and he never washes, his blankets or bed sheets, his personal bathroom, is a gigantic pig sty, filled with dirty work clothes, underwear with shit stains, his toilet, is covered in dry shit stains, and piss, his sink, is covered with grime and filth, he leaves his toothpaste uncapped on the sink, there are spiders in his bathroom, I mean I can go on,

but if you were to look at his Facebook, he gives off the veneer of someone successful, albeit moderately so, he gives off the veneer of self importance, I mean that in itself is weird to me, because ive realized how insecure he is, he’s dreadfully insecure, almost like a child, in a lot of ways, I see him reverting to this childish state, its odd,

#poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #personal #diary #dysfunctional parents #existentialism

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momentofmemory · 5 years

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fictober - day six

Prompt #6: “Yes, I’m aware. Your point?”

Fandom: Spider-Man (All Media Types/Tom Holland Films)

Warnings: Discussion of Parental Death, Bullying

Rating: G

Characters: Peter Parker & May Parker

Words: 2867

Author’s Note: part iv of a may & peter series, but works on its own. i made a terrible mistake the second i set a 2K precedent on these things, but i’m honestly really happy with how this turned out, so. enjoy. :)

>>Pros and Cons

Peter is ten years old, and whenever May watches him finish his math homework, his mind is so far beyond hers it feels like he should be the one helping her.

She knows he’s brilliant—with parents like his, how could he not be—and his teachers start suggesting they look into science magnets before he even enters middle school. She and Ben try to support his passions as much as they can, but the endowment Mary and Richard left has long since run out, and they can only afford so many expenses at once.

Which is why, when Peter comes home from school with sparkling eyes and a crinkled permission slip clutched in his hand, May feels a familiar sense of guilt creep up her spine.

“Hi May!” Peter chirps, slinging his backpack and the piece of paper down on the dining room table.

“Hi yourself,” she says, picking the bag back up and hanging it on the hook by the door. “Snack’s in the kitchen.”

Peter makes a beeline for the peanut butter sandwich in question—one of the few things Ben allows May to make, mostly because it involves zero actual kitchen appliances—and shoves half of it in his mouth. “You won’t believe what happened at school today.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” May says, picking up the note from where it had fallen.

Peter swallows down white bread and store-brand peanut butter while May flips the permission slip over and reads the summary. Apparently there’s some kind of open lab session at the Museum of Science this Friday, and anyone from Peter’s school who wants to go is allowed to count it as one of their field trips for the year. It also includes an overnight lock-in for all kids ten and over, a cut off that Peter just barely meets.

“Isn’t it so cool?” Peter gushes, his sandwich properly consumed. “Mr. Abrams said there might even be an arc reactor replica in the special exhibit section!”

“I think we agreed to avoid all forms of Stark tech after the last expo you went to.” May hears Peter pour a glass of milk as she continues reading.

“This is totally different, May! No bad guys whatsoever.” He pauses. “Unless Flash shows up.”

“Who’s—”

“Anyway we get to go for like the entire day and do our own experiments and everything, it’s going to be awesome!” Peter skids back into the dining room and sits in one of the chairs, planting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. He stares up at her. “Soooo. I can go, right? Ned said he was going!”

May’s eyes find the dollar signs in the fine print and she winces: all expenses not paid. “I don’t know, Peter… didn’t you have another field trip just last month?”

“Yeah, but that was for the Museum of Math. Totally different.”

May frowns and rubs at her temples.

Peter, sensing her reluctance, launches himself to his feet. “I’ll get the board!”

“Peter—” May warns, but he’s scrambling off to the closet before she can stop him.

The board had been Ben’s idea: when Peter was seven, he’d bought an eleven by seventeen inch whiteboard and drawn a line in permanent ink down the middle, with “Peter” written on one side, and “The Adult” written on the other. The concept had been to help Peter learn how to balance pros and cons, and Peter had taken to it so well that he quickly learned to follow along without the visual. They still brought it out on occasion for added effect—like right now, apparently.

Peter returns from his quest and places the board on the table. He pops the cap off of the dry erase marker, and drawing a tally mark in the section labeled Peter, says, “One: it would be totally awesome. Point for me.”

He holds the marker out to May expectantly. After a moment, she sighs and takes it from him. “You’ve already gone on the required number of field trips for this semester.”

Peter frowns as May draws a line on her side. “I can qualify for extra credit if I go on more, though.”

“You’re at the top of your class, Peter, you don’t need any credit.” May draws a line on both her side and his side. “And aren’t you supposed to be saving money for the end of the year school project?”

Another line.

Peter scrunches up his face in thought, then grins. “Yeah, but I got a whole ten dollars from Mr. Delmar yesterday for helping look after his cat!”

…Line.

They continue swapping points for the next few minutes, and May has to admit that Peter does have a fair number of valid arguments. The board quickly fills up and by the time they’ve both run out of steam, there are ten careful lines drawn on both of their sides.

Peter stares miserably at the score: Parker rules state that all ties go to the adult. “…Ned will be there?”

May taps the marker against her thigh. “Yes, I’m aware.”

Peter’s eyes shoot back and forth between May and the whiteboard.

She sighs. “…Your point.”

Peter whoops in triumph as May draws the winning line in his side of the board, and she rolls her eyes and makes a mental note to ask for an extra shift tomorrow to make up for her lapse in judgement.

She doesn’t really mind, though. The electricity in Peter’s smile could generate enough energy to light up their entire apartment.

Peter talks about almost nothing but the trip for the next four days, and his enthusiasm is so infectious May finds she’s pretty excited about it, too.

Still, she has to remind him three times to pack his toothbrush and other necessities, and when he starts debating whether he should bring a change of clothes or the circuit board he’s been building out of parts fished from the dumpster, May wonders if he’s ready for an entire night on his own after all. She mentions this to Ben, who gets hung up on the fact that Peter has built an entire circuit board out of parts fished from the dumpster.

May concedes to this argument without having to get the whiteboard out.

Finally, Friday morning comes, and May bullies Ben into letting her drive so she can take Peter to school without risking being late for work herself. Peter clutches his backpack and chatters nonstop about all the things he’s hoping to build, but as they approach the parking lot his eagerness starts to dampen.

May flicks her blinker on and glances at him in the rearview mirror. “Drop off or walk you in?”

Peter runs his finger across the zipper on his backpack. “Walk in?”

“Sure thing, Tiger.”

May parks the car and takes Peter’s hand into hers, and together they walk up the marble steps of the school. His class is meeting outside, waiting for the Activities Bus to arrive, and May can see that several of the kids are already in the drop off area. She stops at the top of the steps and squeezes Peter’s shoulder.

“Got your toothbrush?”

“Yes.”

“Toothpaste?”

“Yes.”

“And that circuit board?”

Peter crinkles his nose and shrugs. “…Maybe.”

May shakes her head, and then gives him a little push towards his class. Peter stumbles a bit, caught off guard—poor guy’s always been a little clumsy—and then suddenly he’s spinning around and May has a ten year old wrapped around her waist.

“Bye, May,” he says, voice muffled by her coat. A warmth that has nothing to do with body heat steals into her chest, and she hugs him back.

“Bye, Peter.” She ruffles his hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Peter nods, and then he’s scampering off, his reticence all but forgotten as he sees Ned waiting for him.

May watches a moment longer, just enjoying seeing him laugh, and then shoves her hands in her pockets and hurries back to her car.

Having the apartment just to Ben and herself when she gets off work does, May will admit, have its perks—namely, having Ben to herself. She can’t help but feel a little anxious about Peter, but her cell phone never rings and there’s nothing in her inbox, so she relaxes and allows herself to enjoy a quiet evening with her husband.

That sense of peace continues until she picks Peter up the next morning, and he refuses to look at her.

She’d thought he’d be bubbling over with stories from the evening, but all of his answers are perfunctory at best and snappish at worst, so May gives up trying to prompt him and just reminds him they need to pick some things up before going home.

Peter says nothing in response, and May knows something is very, very wrong.

It’s late on a Saturday morning, which means the tourists are out in full force when May and a very sullen Peter arrive at the market. May starts weaving her way through the crowd, and when a burly man bumps into her and separates her from Peter, for a heart-stopping second she thinks she’s lost him. The crowd parts and she catches sight of his blue backpack, and she snatches up his hand before he can disappear again.

May is shocked when he jerks away.

“Peter?”

He balls his fists and looks away, and another person barges between them because it’s New York.

“Peter,” May repeats, dodging around them. “Give me your hand before you get lost.”

“I won’t get lost,” Peter says, and juts his lower lip out.

“What—? Come on, I don’t have time for this, you need to—”

“I don’t need you.”

May looks at Peter in shock. “Excuse me?”

His cheeks flush and his head turns sharply away, but he doesn’t take it back. And then, so quiet May almost misses it, he whispers, “You’re not my mother.”

May swallows dry air, and even though the crowd has forced them together, she’s never felt so far away from him.

“Fine,” she says. “You follow me, then.”

May spins on her heel and makes her way to the vegetable vender, and while she’d like to say she doesn’t look back, she does, because she’s terrified he won’t be there.

She and Peter finish the rest of the errands in a similar fashion, responses clipped and Peter avoiding any kind of contact, no matter how incidental—even when she hands him the grocery bag to carry, he goes out of his way to keep their hands from brushing. When they get home, Peter goes straight to his room without even saying hi to Ben. He looks at her in bewilderment, about to head out the door himself.

May shrugs helplessly, and texts Ned’s mom before kissing her husband goodbye.

Fifteen minutes later, May’s staring at a blurry photo from yesterday of Peter hugging May on the steps, with the caption ‘MOMMA’S BOY—OH WAIT, HE DOESN’T HAVE ONE’ written on it.

After an intense interrogation, Ned admits Flash had texted the photo to the entire class, and had tormented Peter with it until one of the teachers stepped in (conveniently just before the parents arrived). He also swears Flash didn’t get ahold of it until that morning, so Peter really did have a good time for most of the trip.

…Just not the end.

May thanks Ned for his honesty and hangs up the phone. She drops her head into her hands and her hair curtains her face.

Couldn’t Parker luck have given him a break just once?

She sits in silence and wonders how on earth she’s going to fix this. Then she stands, pulls back her hair, and puts the kettle on the stove—Ben isn’t here to stop her—and fixes two slightly scalded mugs of hot chocolate.

She taps on Peter’s door, mugs balanced precariously in one hand. There’s no response, but Peter doesn’t tell her to go away, either. She takes it as the closest to an invitation as she’s going to get.

The lights are off, and Peter’s backpack has been abandoned on the floor, and the circuit board he’d been so proud of looks a lot more warped than May remembered it being. Peter himself is curled up on his bed, facing the wall. He rolls over onto his back when May walks in, though his gaze remains fixed on the ceiling. The tear tracks on his face glisten in the light from the door.

“Ned told you?”

“He’s a good friend.” May sets the mugs down on his bedside table. “I’m going to have a long talk with your teachers about this.”

Peter lets out a long breath. “I should quit school.”

“I think we might be getting ahead of ourselves.”

“Nope.” Peter rubs his arm across his face. “Actually I don’t think I can go out in public again. Ever.”

May looks at him thoughtfully, then walks out of the room. She comes back a few moments later carrying the whiteboard, and Peter groans.

“No, May, come on.”

“Too late,” May says, marking the board. “Point one: never having to face Flash again.”

Peter peeks out from under his arm and frowns. “You put that on the Adult side.”

“Correct. We’re playing Devil’s advocate today: I argue for your side, you argue for mine. Your turn.”

“This seems unfair,” Peter says, but he pulls himself into a seated position and takes one of the mugs. “I… would never graduate or get a job?”

May places two marks under Peter, and then one under Adult. “Counterpoint: lots of people work from home. You could do everything online for the rest of your life.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t be able to make like, friends and stuff. Or go see movies.”

May draws another two marks and Peter scowls. “I feel like it’s unfair that you’re marking down two for me and only one for you every time.”

“Stop making so many points, then,” May replies. “How about this: no friends means no one can make fun of you for having them.”

“I think not having things was the problem, actually.”

May freezes midway through drawing the line. Shit.

Peter offers her a watery smile. “Maybe put that on the other side?”

He seems sad, but sincere enough, so May wipes her finger over the unfinished line and places one on Peter’s. She sets the board down. “Peter, I—”

“I’m sorry.” Tears swim into Peter’s eyes and drop into his cocoa. “I didn’t mean it when I said—I said—” He holds the mug tighter to his chest. “…I just really miss her.”

May closes her eyes, and then sits down on the bed next to Peter and pulls him to her. “Me too, Peter. Me too.”

She runs her hand through his hair. “Did I ever tell you how much you remind me of her?”

Peter looks up. “…Really?”

“Really.”

May picks up the second mug for herself, and as they drink their cocoa May tells Peter about how much she loved the sound of Mary’s laugh. The way she always tossed her hair back and how her entire body would shake, holding nothing back, and the sheer exuberance she had for life—similar to Peter’s, in many ways. About all the trouble they used to get into together, and how happy Mary’d been when Peter was born. How she thought he hung the moon, and how she wanted to give him the stars in return. How much she loved him.

“May?”

She takes a sip of cocoa and hums.

Peter plays with his thumbs. “…I really didn’t mean it.”

Chocolate coats May’s tongue before gliding down her throat, but it doesn’t feel nearly as warm as Peter’s words. “I know, buddy. I need you, too.”

Peter glows, and May takes the last sip of her drink.

“Now. Since you’ve decided hanging out with me is cool again,” May says, wiping down the board, “wanna go dumpster diving for some tech while I tell you some more stories?”

“Really?” Peter’s thousand-watt smile lights up his face.

May plucks the empty cocoa cup out of his hand. “Really. We might even hit up some of the fancier ones in Manhattan, if you’re really lucky.”

“Whoa, cool!”

Peter races off to get his jacket and shoes, and May smiles. She doesn’t have the foggiest idea what kinds of things to help Peter look for, but she’d spent a night or two playing lookout for one Mary Parker during her wilder years. She was more than willing to watch over Mary’s son, too.

She stands and puts the whiteboard back in the closet, closing the door just as Peter finishes putting on his boots.

“Ready?”

Peter nods vigorously, and May grabs her keys as they walk out, locking the door behind them. May starts to walk down the stairs, and then a small hand slips into hers.

May looks down in surprise, and Peter flushes, but doesn’t let go. May squeezes his hand and doesn’t say anything as they walk out onto the streets, because she’s not his mom, and that’s okay.

She’s still his, and he’s still hers, and that’s all they need.

#fictober19 #tw:bullying #tw: parental death #peter parker #peter parker fic #may parker #spiderman #fanfiction #i'm 100% going to need to go over these for repetitive lines #but for now #yay #<3 #may&peter #memsfic

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ozymandiasdirge · 5 years

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okay this is a few days late but a collection of hamilton thots after seeing it for the third time

i feel like all these years later im still blown away by the way this show does motifs/leitmotifs better than almost any thing else ive ever read/watched/listened to. (maybe undertale comes close but)

to see it with three different casts (there’s some overlap) its so so interesting which aspects of the roles get chosen to be accentuated....more detail on that later.

this is mostly just me being a nerd but if i was still in school i feel like id be going into a sprial of early french/american relations because it is such a fucking weird rabbit hole to go down from 1777-1815 but yall came here for music opinions not historigraphy opinions though there will be plenty of those because i cannot resist.

washington exudes such father energy (not dad energy father energy there is a difference) onstage especially during one last time it’s like...astounding.

i had forgotten that during the reynolds pamphlet he walks past alex h mid nervous breakdown and gives such a “im so viruently disappointed i have to go die” look that i myself was sinking down in my seat next to my own mother.

ive seen julia harriman play eliza twice and she is literally just....a god tier performer she’s so good that’s it that’s the whole bulletpoint

i had almost forgotten how horny “say no to this is” and there were like 10 year olds sitting behind me and i was like....my god

speaking of i had a very strong drink during the act break and jefferson’s “my god” during “we know” literally nearly had me fall out of my chair.

washington on your side is so fucking underrated we do not appreciate it enough thats that on that.

this is necessaryily play related but i just remembered how hamilton had a whole essay about how people were probably too stupid for democracy and typing this up on the morning of robert mueller’s testimony...i have to say....that may be his greatest legacy and also yeah

can i just say how god tier lin manuel was to not have yorktown be the act 1 finale like, every other show it would be but nope we have to build up to the entire cast getting to belt on non-stop (which imho beats out quintet from west side story dont @me)

on the one hand i really really really wish we’d gotten more with hamilton’s parents because it really just.... explains so much im torn, because the only things he says about them (besides burr’s constant bastard, son of a whore) i believe are when he mentions them to eliza in “helpless” (my father left my mother died i grew up buckwild), in “dear theodosia” (my father wasn’t around, i swear that i’ll be around for you) and the single line in “hurricane” (i was twelve when my mother died she was holding me we were sick and she was holding me i couldn’t seem to die) make it so much more impactful when it does get brought up so...im torn. i think i just want a quality prestige miniseries but alas.

speaking of i feel like i noticed more this time the amount of times from my shot until the very end hamilton is just like “im ready/willing to die/i never expected to live long enough to have to deal with all this” then i remembered lmm’s interview where he was like “i think he was ready to die from the time he was 14 years old” and deadass nearly starting bawling in the middle of the theater. before its quiet uptown came on and i did start bawling and just didnt stop until the play was over.

of course every song in here is amazing but i feel like i have to call out hurricane particularly because it’s just......literally its so fucking impactful and i think.....throughout the entire play it’s the best look we ever really get at hamilton without any obfuscation on his part, even more than my shot and just the line “and when my prayers of god were met with indifference i picked up a pen. i wrote my own deliverance.” is just...i can’t even comment on it, it just speaks for itself so...yeah

more genius pacing, the fact that burr doesn’t get his i want song until the middle of act 2 is some of the most genius writing ive ever seen in my life.

also on the opposite side of the coin from that during “the election of 1800″ when burr tells hamilton “im chasing what i want and you know what? i learned that from you” and a chill goes out over the audience as they remember that this story ends with one of them fucking dead l m a o anyway

im never going to get over the way that a. burr and a. ham completely switch roles for the first and only times in their lives and it ends up with one of them dead and the other one (in the plays context anyway) forever stained its like....hello 911.

also ive gone back and forth on whether or not i think its too sympathetic on burr (thats a whole nother video essays worth of opinions, but for the most part i think its fine) but i have to hold back a laugh at his worst fear out of the duel is his adult daughter being orphaned but being fine orphaning a man with seven children under the age of 20. like....the audacity.

also im such a slut for metafictional commentary on storytelling (hello the social network i see you villian) like....hamilton balances so many other themes but god “who lives who dies who tells your story” as a line and a song are such good thesis statements.

okay here’s the only place im gonna get serious and unfunny gigi you’re literally never funny shut up. i know certain historians and people on hottakes.com have issues with this historical aspects of this play. and all i am going to be saying on that is that i think lmm traded 100% historical accuracy for telling a good story, making a good salient point, and going more for what feels right than what is completely black and white true. and i think he was respectful to the real history (as much as real history exists etc. etc.) that its fine. like was thomas jefferson a flamboyant dandy who ran around in a purple suit overflowing with cockiness? no, he was the opposite. does that portrayal of him get across his blatant hypocritical old money ruthless and amoral treatment of anyone who wasnt an old money white male virginian who refused to fight a war of independence in his own country but stoked the reign of terror from an ocean away in france but comdemned it in haiti. no, to a late 2010s audience i dont think it does. so yeah....that is my discourse on the subject. everyone else is welcome to their own opinons on it but here we go.

#this will probably get longer because i typed half of this when i was still drunk #and the other half this morning so im sure ive forgotten stuff but #yeah #what the fuck was my tag for this #uhhhh #oh #alex h

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findtheloveofmylife · 5 years

Text

Something Stupid (VI)

Pairing: Roger Taylor x OC (Lily Hathaway)

Summary: He was not the type to pine or whatever you wanted to call it. It usually was the opposite, they pined for him, they wanted to be with him, which is probably why he was way out of his element with her.

Author’s Note: Hello, does anybody remember this story? I honestly would not blame you since it has taken me forever with it. I am so sorry this took forever!! I had to focus in school for a while and not to mention, this chapter just wouldn’t end. Every time I thought I was done, I saw a small mistake and had to add something. It was a vicious cycle, which led this to be the longest chapter so far, almost 6k words.

But I finally finished and for anybody that is still interested, here it is! I really like this one, I had fun writing it because it is pretty much fluff, but oh boy, the next chapter, not so much fluff.

Also, this weekend I am planning on posting a one shot of Joe Mazzello, so if anybody’s interested in reading that, keep an eye out for that.

Part I // Part II // Part III // Part IV // Part V

—=—

There were many occasions were Roger would spend time alone with Lily, but there was something about pubs that always stood out of all their interactions. Maybe because he was always filled an adrenaline rush after a performance or because alcohol was included or a combination of both.

It really was stupid for him to go back to those moments because nothing really ever happened, they didn’t bond over their mutual love for alcohol or he suddenly realized that she was the best thing in his life. Most of the time they talked about everything and nothing.

He could clearly remember how frustrated he would get that Queen was still playing in pubs. He wanted to go play somewhere bigger, with a crowd that wasn’t half drunk and paid more attention to what they were drinking when they would perform.

But no matter how much he grumbled and threw things out of windows, there wasn’t much he could do. He had to be patient and continue playing, according to Brian, and keeping hoping the band would get their big break one of these days.

“Hi Roger!” a girl called out his name as he entered the stage. He had no idea who that was but he smiled, loving the attention.

“Hi John!” another girl called out and that time, Roger knew exactly who it was. He shook his head in amusement as he took a seat in front of his drums. He couldn’t see her, with the glaring lights and the crowd, but he could already imagine Lily waving wildly at John.

Queen might not be famous yet, but at least they could count with their number one groupie (although if he ever said that out loud, Lily would throw his drum set through the window).

“Ready, Roger?” Brain asked him, making him quickly forget about everything around him.

“Ready,” he said confidently and then looked over at their lead singer. “Ready, Freddie?”

“Always, darling,” Freddie said and that was the signal for Roger to count off. Once they started playing, Roger immersed himself in the show and the crowd’s energy. Too quickly for his liking, they finished their show and were being praised by the crowd’s loud applause.

“Woohoo! Go John!” he managed to hear Lily shout over the clapping and yelling. When she wanted, as she had proven when she got drunk, Lily had a really loud voice. He could see John wear a pleased smile. Roger could say whatever he wanted about her, but he could never take away what a loyal friend Lily was.

Once they got off the stage, Roger chose to follow John, mostly because he was heading to the bar. He wasn’t surprised to see Lily waiting for them already, but was to see two drinks for them ready.

“As congratulations for doing an excellent job,” she said handing John his beer and then Roger.

“Hmm, I finally see the use of you,” Roger teased, making Lily try to take his beer away but he was quick to lean back and take a drink from it. “Hmm, thank you, Lily.”

“If you think that’s going to stop me from taking it from you, you are sorely mistaken,” she warned him and tried to get it again but that time was stopped by John. He grabbed her shoulder and pushed her back into her stool making her almost lose her balance. Roger was quick to grab her from falling and help her sit back down properly.

“You’re welcome,” he said, giving her an expectant look when she said nothing.

“It was your fault I almost fell,” she argued.

“I was about to leave you two alone but I changed my mind,” John said. “I clearly can’t you two alone. You are like children.”

Roger and Lily shared equally offended looks.

“I was being nice and then he had to act like an asshole,” Lily accused Roger, throwing him a dirty look, although it had no malice.

“I wasn’t the asshole. You—“ Roger stopped talking, realizing they were not helping their case and shook his head. “Fine, whatever.”

“Children,” John repeated, shaking his head at them in exasperation, and then looked around, frowning. “Why are you alone, Lily? Where’s Matt? I thought he was going to come with you?”

Lily’s smile slipped slightly but it came right back. “He was busy with studying. He says that next time for sure he will be here.”

“I bet he will,” John said, giving her a smile that didn’t seem genuine, which made Lily give him a look that Roger wasn’t sure what it meant. They shared another silent look that made feel Roger like he was the third wheel.

The longer he knew John and Lily, he began to understand their strange but close friendship. No matter how much he and Brian had given shit to John in the beginning, it was clear that those two were simply friends. They might clash in many things, from small to big, but were friends nevertheless.

“Did you know Matt is studying biology like you?” Lily asked Roger out of nowhere, finally breaking her staring contest with John and looked over to him.

“Oh really?” Roger said without much interest, but privately glad that she had invited him in the conversation. He was seconds away from walking away and chatting up that brunette girl who hadn’t stopped staring at him at the end of the bar.

“Yes, you two have a lot in common if you bothered to talk to him.”

“Yeah, okay, next time, I’ll give him all my attention,” Roger said, humoring her. She looked at him suspiciously but didn’t say anything to him, making him sigh. Why wasn’t when he wanted to rile her up, she would act like the adult and not take his bait.

“Why are you even studying Biology anyways?” she asked curiously.

“He’s going to be a dentist,” John pipped in, earning him a harsh shove. “What? It’s the truth.”

“Really?” Lily said unable to mask her shock.

“Yes,” Roger admitted reluctantly. “Why is that so hard to believe? What do you think I would be studying?”

Lily looked flushed, trying to explain herself. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Roger,” John warned him, knowing him well enough to know he was close to being an asshole.

“Sorry,” Roger said. “But I do want to know why are you so surprised?”

“I mean, you seem so determined to make it big with the band, be a rockstar. So I never really thought you had another career for yourself.”

“Roger is actually pretty smart,” John told Lily. “Would be top of his class if he didn’t spend more time flirting than paying attention in class.”

“But I’ve passed all my classes and that’s all that matters.”

“Why do you want to be a dentist?” Lily asked.

“Don’t answer the question,” Roger warned John who was going to answer for him again.

“I wasn’t going to answer it,” John said, but his mischievous grin told Roger otherwise. John leaned into Lily and whispered loudly, “He wants to do it for the money.”

“John,” Roger snapped. “I’m never telling you anything again.”

“Ah, come on, everybody knows that you’re a one track mind. You want something, and you make it happen. No matter how stupid your end goal is.”

“Thanks, John,” Roger said dryly and quickly finished his beer.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, I wasn’t finished.”

“Oh really?”

“I was trying to say that so, what if you’re in the in the money? You knew what you wanted and you’re getting it.”

“And the fact that you’re willing to spend to take incredibly hard classes and spend many years in school, that’s impressive,” Lily added and raised her beer. “So, here’s to Roger and his ambition. May it take you everywhere you want to go.”

“I’ll drink to that,” John said, sharing a grin with Lily. Roger shook his head in disbelief at the two of them but couldn’t help and grin.

“Nice save,” he said dryly.

“Damn, with one studying astrophysics, another electrical engineer and now one wanting to be a dentist, add the heavy load of being in a band, it explains why a lot of you guys don’t have proper friends,” Lily said.

“What about Freddie?” John asked her, noticing he omitted their lead singer.

“Like school would get in the way for Freddie to make friends,” Lily laughed. “He could go to the loo and he would come back with a new best friend.”

“Pro―I have friends,” Roger defended himself, more annoyed that she thought they were friendless losers.

“Oh really, who?” she asked mockingly

“John’s my friend.”

“He doesn’t count,” Lily said at the same time of John mouthed no. Roger looked at the person he thought was his friend in disbelief.

“Okay then, next time you need someone to pick you up when you’re drunk and bring you a ham sandwich don’t be calling me at one in the morning.”

“Roger,” John hissed, his eyes darting at Lily, and giving him a subtle shake with his head, but it was too late. Lily was looking between the two men.

“What?” both Lily and John said at the same time, but in different tones. One displeased and the other one like they had no idea what was wrong.

“You were drunk and needed a ride and didn’t tell me?”

“It happened barely a few weeks ago,” John played it off as not a big deal.

“Alright then, why did you call Roger instead of me?” Lily asked, looking slightly bothered.

“You were with Matt, okay? I didn’t want to bother you,” John said quietly and after giving Lily a reassuring nod, she proceeded to move on to her next question.

“Fine, but why didn’t you―”

“No, wait, I have a question myself,” Roger cut her off and turned to John. “I’m not your friend?”

There was an off chance that John was being his usual sarcastic self, but he had said no so quickly that it made Roger doubt their friendship. He was confident that all four of them were friends, with how much time they spent on and off stage. Sure, John could still be considered the new one of the band, but Roger and he had gotten to know each other really well.

“Roger, obviously I was joking,” John said, breaking Roger from his doubts. “Of course we’re friends. Why did you think I called you that night? I knew, even when I was drunk of my mind, that you would have picked me up at any time of the night. And I would have done the same thing for you.”

“But why Roger?” Lily asked. “Brian has a car too.”

“Brian would have probably told me to call Roger,” John said jokingly. “Only Roger would do crazy things for a friend at one of the morning.”

“Yeah, like bringing you a sandwich for your drunk arse,” Roger reminded her, grinning slightly.

“Which my drunk self appreciated, so here’s another one for you Roger,” John said raising his beer, making Roger roll his eyes.

“I need new friends,” he muttered to himself, making John laugh. Lily, on the other hand, was frowning.

“Why ham?” she asked. “You don’t like ham.”

“I didn’t have turkey,” Roger shrugged.

“I always have turkey,” Lily muttered childishly making Roger make a face at her.

“Hey,” John said, stopping them from getting into another petty argument. “Why isn’t Olivia here?”

It took a minute for Roger to realized that the question was directed at him.

“Couldn’t make it,” he said forcefully. He was pretty sure that Olivia had a school thing to attend but he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Olivia couldn’t attend and that was fine with him. She didn’t need to come to every show of his, they weren’t a couple. They hadn’t even shagged.

“Oh, so both of you are on your own,” John said. Roger glanced at Lily, expecting to hear her say something but she didn’t seem to be paying attention, her gaze somewhere else in the bar.

“It looks like it,” Roger said and smirked. “But not for long.”

Lily looked over him, rolling her eyes. “Are you always this cocky?”

“Yes, all the time,” John said, sounding exhausted at the reminder of Roger’s large ego.

“Well,” Roger said, and tilted his head, pretending to think about it. “The second I got off stage, a decent looking girl gave me a free drink. I didn’t even have to make an effort.” He looked back at her and flashed her a smug grin. “So, yes, I can afford to be cocky.”

“Decent looking girl? You―decent looking girl?” Lily looked outraged to Roger’s delight. “You’re so full of yourself. Not every girl that you come across with is going to fall in love with you.”

“Trust me I know,” Roger said. “I’ve met so many girls that hate me the moment they met me. They think I’m arrogant, selfish, have nothing but my looks…”

“Obnoxious, unpunctual,” John unhelpfully adds.

“Thank you, John,” Roger said sarcastically. “You’ve made your point.”

“I’ve got your back, Rog. Are you sure you don’t need anymore? I can go on.”

“Anyways,” Roger said loudly, ignoring John’s offer. “As you can see, the list goes on.”

“Well, are they wrong?” Lily asked, raising one of her eyebrows expectantly.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Roger shot back.

“So, far you haven’t done a good job to make me think otherwise.”

He scoffed, knowing that Lily liked him, and was just being hard on him.

“That’s fine. Like you said, I don’t expect for everyone to fall in love with me,” he shrugged, earning a look of what appeared to be disgust from Lily. “Don’t look at me like that, at least I can be a man about it and admit it.”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“Never said it was.”

That moment, someone called out John’s name, making him look over the crowd. He looked over at his two friends, that were still fighting over the beer. Lily noticed his hesitation and smiled encouragingly at him.

“Go, Deacy. We’ll be fine, we’ve been alone before and I haven’t killed him. I won’t kill him now, I promise. Besides I’m going to find Mary any second.”

“See? We can be alone. Lily and I are…” Roger trialed off, not sure what to say.

“Mates,” Lily filled in for Roger. He thought about it for a second before he raised his beer towards her and with a clink, they solidified their friendship. John didn’t seem to entirely convince but looked back to where he was wanted and sighed.

“Behave,” John warned Roger, who gave him a look of disbelief. To Lily, Roger didn’t hear because he leaned and whispered something quickly before he left. Roger instantly was suspicious at how amused Lily looked.

“What did he say?”

“That you should buy me a drink cause you were rude for calling me decent looking,” she said, giving him an innocent smile.

“I only buy drinks to girls that I plan to… well let’s just say that unless you and I are going to get busy in a bathroom stall…”

Lily made a face of disgust. “Please tell me that you’re joking.”

Roger raised his eyebrows, questioningly.

“Have you really shagged someone in a bathroom in a pub?”

Roger laughed, not really surprised that’s what bothered her more than him making a blatant pass at her.

“It’s fun. You should try it with your American, maybe he’ll loosen up.”

Lily looked at him in confusion. “Why would he need to loosen up?”

“I’m studying biology yet I’m here. Why isn’t Matt really here?”

“He likes to study ahead of tests. He struggles with memorizing important concepts. Also, he’s not much of pubs. Which is a shame. He’s missing the authentic experience of being in England.”

“He’s never been to one?”

“No, he has been to one once. That’s how we met.”

“Lucky, Matt,” Roger said dryly. “First night out and he snags a girlfriend.”

Lily seemed to remember something else because she perked up. “Actually, I met him the night John performed with you guys for the first time. Oh my God. That is so strange. Imagine if John hadn’t joined you guys, I wouldn’t have met Matt.”

“You were at Deacy’s first show?” Roger frowned, not remembering seeing her or even John mentioning her. Granted, he had been more focused at berating Freddie afterward for messing up one of their songs than checking out who was with their newest bassist.

“Of course I was there. What kind of friend would I be and not support Deacy’s first performance? He was there because of me after all.”

“You were the one that forced him to audition?” Roger asked. Now that he did remember. John had admitted during his audition that he was only doing it because a friend of his had badgered him to give it a chance. He should have known that was Lily.

“Yes, aren’t you thankful for me now?” she said, nodding and getting distracted by a new song that started playing. “This is a good song. I wonder who plays it?”

Roger looked at Lily, his mind still on her forcing John to try out for their band. He wouldn’t tell her, but he was honestly was grateful for her persistence at that moment. If it weren’t for her, John would have never joined their band and they would have been in even worse shape.

“What?” she said when she caught him staring at her.

He cleared his throat and tried to shrug it off. “Uh, just thinking what is an American doing here? In England?”

“Ever heard of foreign exchange student?” she asked him.

“I’m not stupid,” he said shortly.

“Never said you were,” she said, grinning at him. “But that’s the reason why Matt is here. He’s studying for a year and then he’s going back to the US.”

“And what’s going to happen to him when he has to go back? Are you going to break up?”

Lily did not look amused at that question. “No, we won’t. We’ll still be together,” she said and didn’t add anything else in the matter. Roger realized he hit a sore topic. He was about to say something but Lily said, “I really enjoyed your performance. Especially your drum solo in the last song. Keep Yourself Alive, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the songs name. You liked my solo?” he asked, feeling the familiar pride whenever someone complimented him or the band. He would never grow tired of hearing them.

“Yes, you’re very good. I remember you guys played that song in Freddie and John’s first performance.”

Roger nodded. “Yeah, we play that song in many of our performances.”

“I know, I think the second time I saw you guys, you played it,” she said and frowned. “No, the third time. I was with Olivia when you played that song. I came along the second time.”

Roger tensed up at the mention of Olivia, but Lily didn’t say anything on the matter. She continued talking about their performance and how she loved it. While he typically, he didn’t mind hearing about their performance, he was more distracted by the fact that Lily hadn’t brought up Olivia. He knew Lily was aware of the two of them, Olivia had told him herself the last time he saw her.

Almost an entire month had passed since he had met Olivia and things surprisingly had been going slow. He will admit a part of it had to be was that he didn’t want to deal with Lily nosiness. He knew that if things between Olivia and him passed the flirtation phase, any second Lily would be pestering.

“I can’t believe I am saying this,” he said, interrupting her mid-sentence, “but why haven’t you said a word about me and Olivia?”

Lily looked taken back at that and put down her beer. She looked thoughtful before speaking. “I know that in the past I have been nosy about your… flings,” she said and made face at her choice of word.

“Flings works,” he said. “And yeah, that’s an understatement of you being nosy.”

She winced. “Right, I was overbearing and I know that is not a good thing. I can’t help it sometimes. I just, I guess that’s just how I am. And I realized that it wasn’t a good thing so I am trying to be less nosy and just mind my own business. I honestly don’t know how Deacy does it. Did you know that not once had he said something about who I dated?”

“Really?” Roger was a little surprised, but honestly, he shouldn’t be. John always minded his own business and avoided getting involved in the fights that he, Brian and Freddie would get during rehearsal. Why wouldn’t he do the same in other aspects of his life?

“Yes. He says it’s not his place to tell me who I should and shouldn’t date. He's not my father, he's my friend.”

“Must be nice.”

Lily gave him an amused look. “I deserve that. But from now on, I am going to try to be a little like Deacy and mind my own business.”

Roger snorted at that. “How drunk are you?”

“I am serious. I am not going to say anything about anyone’s business.”

“Sure,” Roger said mockingly.

“You know what, Roger? I am trying here to be a better person but you’re just being an asshole,” Lily said defensively. “Fuck you.”

“Shit, I think that’s the first time I have heard you say fuck.”

“Fuck off.”

Roger laughed at her choice of words and shook his head.

“Alright, alright. I’m being an asshole but you don’t have to worry about that. I don’t know how much Olivia has told you but we’re not together, just to make it clear,” he said, putting it out there.

“Oh, I know that, and I’m not going to say something, no matter how much I want. I crossed a line with Kathy and I don’t want to do that with Olivia, despite that she’s my friend. You two can do whatever you want… well, as long no one ends up getting hurt.”

“Really?” he said doubtfully

“Yes, but just be honest with her. If you want her to be your girlfriend, then let her know. If that’s the opposite of what you want, be clear with her.”

“I don’t want a girlfriend,” Roger found himself saying, and Lily didn’t seem appeared bothered to hear that.

“That’s alright.” Lily shrugged. “But like I said, just be honest with her.”

The turn of the conversation was not what Roger expected but didn’t mind it. He honestly expected Lily to force him to stay away from her friend or meddle between him and Olivia.

“I mean, but just a warning, if you decide to date Olivia, I am going to basically know everything that happens between the two of you.”

Roger did not like the sound of that. “Um, sorry, what?”

“You do know that girls like to share pretty much everything? Especially about their relationship. Mary talks to me about her and Freddie all the time. I do that same with me and Matt. So, don’t be surprised if I know what’s going on between the two of you.

“Oh, great,” Roger said unenthusiastically and drank from his beer. “What exactly does that mean?”

“You know, what goes on the streets and what goes under the sheets. Like how I know that nothing has happened in the sheets. Which made think that Olivia was talking about someone else for a second.”

“I can be old fashioned,” Roger said shortly, making her grin at him.

“Good to know.”

“Wait, wait,” Roger said, something coming back to him. “Did any of the girls I have been with ever said something to you?”

Roger could recall seeing a few of the girls he had brought to rehearsal, talking to Lily and Mary. He never put much thought about it, figuring they talked about meaningless things, like clothes or weather or whatever they had in common but now he was having his doubts.

Lily shrugged. “Does it matter?”

Yes, it did matter, Roger wanted to tell her but he didn’t. He bit his tongue and continued drinking his beer. Maybe he was better off not knowing what his past flings had said about him to Lily. They didn’t matter, he had moved on from them. Also, Lily didn’t look too disgusted by him so it probably wasn’t all that bad what had been said about him.

Unfortunately, Olivia didn’t exactly fit in with the other flings. One, because they hadn’t even done anything, simply flirted (and kissed a few times). But he knew the biggest problem was that every shitty thing he would do, Lily would find out and he just didn’t want to deal with all of that.

Lily, as if being able to sense Rogers uneasiness, spoke up. “If it makes you that uncomfortable, I will tell Olivia that I am not interested to hear about you two. I’ll tell her it’s a conflict of interest.”

Roger smiled at her wryly, even though he was slightly relieved at hearing that. “I appreciate the sentiment but let’s not jump to conclusions. I don’t even know if I even like Olivia.”

Lily made a face that he had come to know pretty well.

“What?” he sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“Just say it. I’m afraid if you don’t speak you might explode and somehow that is going to be my fault.”

“No, no. I am no longer going to say anything to you regarding your romantic life. I made a promise and I am going to stick to it. No matter how much is killing me in the inside.”

“That is not going to last at all,” Roger said which prompted into them into an argument that honestly was pretty ridiculous. They would take a break to order more alcohol, and the more they drank, the more stupid their arguments would become.

“Are you joking?” Roger scoffed when he learned of Lily’s favorite drink.

“Are you joking?” Lily mocked him. “Nope, I am very serious.”

“Why do I even talk to you?”

“Cause I believe we just established our friendship.” She then ordered another round for the two of them, giving the bartender her most charming smile. Roger was impressed that she managed to get the bartender to hand them their drinks quickly. “Here’s your drink and shut up.”

“Just for that, you’re buying the next round,” Roger told her.

“I just did,” she said, making Roger snort. “I have been paying for most of them. When are you going to order one?”

“Next round,” he promised and grunted when he felt someone bump into him, making the beer get on his clothes. “Dammit.”

“Oh, I am so sorry,” a girl said, giving him an apologetic smile. Roger glanced at her and waved her off.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said and turned back to Lily who was doing a poor job to hide her laughter. “Shut up, next round is on you.”

“You just said you were paying for the next one.”

“That was before beer went all over me,” he grumbled, still trying to dry his shirt.

Lily shook her head in a condescending manner. “She did it on purpose. She’s been trying to catch your attention for the past ten minutes. I thought you were just playing hard to get.”

“Really?” he said and looked back but saw that the girl was still lingering. She brightened when she caught his eye. He gave her a faint smile looked back at Lily. “What can I say? They just love me.”

“Or you can say you're just full of yourself,” Lily said, making him laugh.

He wasn’t going to admit it but Roger had become so caught up arguing with Lily about how disgusting rum tasted with coke that he had missed that girl had been trying to get his attention for quite a while.

(Roger should have known that wasn’t going to be the last time he would forget about everything around him all because of Lily.)

“You can go,” she said, dismissing him sloppily with her hand. Roger had lost count how much they had been drinking, but one thing he did know was that Lily was definitely drunk. “I don’t want you to be throwing it to my face that I was the reason you didn’t have any fun tonight. Even though I am very fun. Super fun.”

“Thank you for being considerate,” he said, smiling. “But I will pass that offer.”

“Really? Why? You don’t like brunettes? I know you do cause Olivia is a brunette.”

“No, not because of that.” He hesitated for a second before saying, “I’m staying because while I am not officially with Olivia, maybe I will at one point. So why should I be looking for other girls.”

When Lily didn’t say anything, just stared at him with an expression he couldn’t decipher, he added hastily, “Also, you’re very drunk, I am not leaving you here alone with these heathens.”

He wasn’t the only one that had noticed the attention the other one was drawing. Quite a few men had stopped by them, and done terrible jobs to hide their stares towards Lily. Roger hadn’t brought it up because there was no harm in staring and Lily wasn’t uncomfortable by their stares.

“You’re a really good friend,” Lily said with an intensity that made Roger slightly uncomfortable. He was sure the drinks had messed with Lily’s emotions.

“Calm down, I just don’t want Deacy at my throat,” he said, trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “Don’t… do that. It’s fine. You’re also paying for my drinks, so… I’d rather be here with you.”

“Good, I like that you’re keeping me company.” Lily smile grew so big, he was sure it was going to hurt her cheeks. “Oh, I keep forgetting to tell you, but I really like that top you’re wearing.”

Roger tilted his head in amusement. That was a sudden change in conversation but he didn’t mind. He preferred to stick to light topics, and they had been slowly edging to a place he wasn’t comfortable with.

“I really like what you wear,” she continued, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt and admiring it. There wasn’t anything special about the shit that he was wearing, it was just a bright yellow shirt with some flowers around the edges. He honestly thought it was one of his more simpler outfits. “You have a very unique fashion sense that I admire. Not a lot of people I know would wear very this type of unique clothes.”

Roger snapped his fingers. “Then I must introduce you to our lead singer, he will blow your mind away. He’s actually kinda hard to miss.”

“Don’t be rude,” she said, smacking his shoulder with the hand that wasn’t holding onto his shirt. “But I stand with what I said: it’s really nice.”

“Thank you,” he said, unable to stop himself from smiling at the compliment. “If you ever want to use it, you can just ask me.”

Lily brightened at that. “Really? That’s so great. You’re so nice, Roger, so nice.”

Roger had decided that he preferred drunk Lily, she was much nicer to him than sober Lily, which was saying something because sober Lily was always nice to him but not at this extent.

“Let me get you another round,” she said loudly and waved over the bartender. “Can you please get us two beers, one for me and my very good friend… um, what’s your full name again?” She got momentarily distracted and looked over at Roger expectantly.

“Roger Taylor.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have a middle name?”

“No, I do.” He sighed at the expectant look on her face and reluctantly admitted, “Its Meddows.”

“Meddows? Roger Meddows Taylor?” she repeated and he nodded shortly. “Oh my God. I love it. Meddows. I love it. It’s so much better than mine. Mine is Jane. It’s so boring. But Meddows, that one is so pretty. God, why everything about you is pretty?”

“Are you going to get something?” the bartender asked her impatiently.

“Oh! Yes! One rum and coke for me and a beer for the blond guy. He’s the drummer from Queen, the band that just played,” she stated proudly. “Roger Meddows Taylor is my mate.”

Roger cringed and shook his head. He wasn’t that worried, though. She was drunk and would most likely to forget about it the next morning.

—=—

Roger underestimated Lily’s memory because she did not forget.

The next time they saw each other, Lily had greeted him cheerfully, “Hi, Meddows!”

Honestly, he might have might have claimed to be irritated at her for the remainder of the day, but even he knew back then, there wasn’t much that Lily could do that would ever piss him off.

She could break his heart and he would still want her. And so far, that was turning out to be true.

—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—

Tag List:

@the-freak-cassie-131, @goingslightlymaaad, @verkyun, @16wiishes

#roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x oc #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor #ben hardy as roger taylor #ben hardy! roger taylor #ben hardy #bohemian rhapsody

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fragilenights · 6 years

Text

What Are You Afraid Of?

"Stop that! My hands are dirty." "My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?" "Afraid?" "You're trembling, Eds." "I'm not trembling." "You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life."

IT Star Wars AU

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, slight Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom

Chapter I: No Reward Is Worth This

Word Count: 2,282

AO3 Link

It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.

During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.

Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Prince Eddie races home aboard his starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save his people and restore freedom to the galaxy...

The halls of the Tantive IV are filled with the nervous energy of the rebel guards, prepared to protect the royalty on board from the anticipated attack of The Empire. Everyone knows how important it is to safely return the prince to the rebel alliance. Not only is he extremely valuable in the war, but the information he carries is even more detrimental to the war's outcome.

Suddenly the ship seems to shake to life as the doors of the ship explode upwards, allowing a strew of stormtroopers to fight their way in. Prince Eddie is overwhelmed with the high pitched screeching of the blasters while he rushes to safety in the ship. An R2 unit rounds the corner and Eddie pulls it into his brief shelter on the ship. Eddie understands that keeping the plans on him puts not only his self at more risk, but also completely risks the mission that this was all for.

Eddie quickly transfers the data over to the droid and requests that the droid let him record a message that will grant the alliance with the only hope left.

The sound of another droid rounding the corner, in search of the R2 unit, alerts Eddie of the urgency of his current actions. He quickly finalizes the data transfer and rushes off to hide and get away from the detrimental information that must be passed on. Eddie is not going to let his own mistakes let down the rebel alliance. The droids wander off, and Eddie can't help but pray that the mission will at least be completed without him.

The prince hides with his whole body shaking, but he has faith in himself. He holds his blaster proudly in his hands as he maneuvers around the ship, trying his best to avoid the fleet of stormtroopers in search of him and the plans. Eddie loves the rush of adrenaline he gets from being involved first hand in these missions.

Prince Eddie lived a large portion of his life under the overbearing eyes of his adoptive parents, the members of the Senate, and the people in his kingdom. Eddie always felt that he had to live up to this expectation of being the polite, obedient prince that went along with everything. Eddie wants to be so much more than that. He's always felt an urge to be more and do more. Something has always pushed at the back of his mind, telling him that he has so much more potential than anyone could imagine. Eddie has tried to reach out of his confines of royalty with his involvement in the rebel alliance, but the constraints of his mother always lure him back in before he can get himself into too much trouble.

The voice of a stormtrooper shakes Eddie from his thoughts of freedom and individuality, as he sprints around the corner. Suddenly his whole body goes limp with a sudden wave of dull pain, as he is hit with a stun blast.

Eddie wakes to some troopers dragging his limp body down the halls of the ship with his hands bound together. Eddie understands where he is wanted and who he will have to face once he gets there, so he begins to fight back against the stormtroopers who have a tight grip on his upper arms. Eddie does his best to struggle his way away from them, but he is suddenly face to face with the devil himself, Darth Vader.

Eddie's anger is apparent as he rushingly addresses the man, "Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this. When they hear you've attacked a-"

"Don't act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren't on any mercy mission after all. Several transmissions were beamed up to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you," Vader aggressively interrupts.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan!"

"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take him away!"

Eddie tried his best to act his way out of the situation, but Vader knows more than he expected. As he is dragged to a detention cell, Eddie just hopes that those droids escaped the grasp of the Empire.

Richie Tozier understands that these two men are outsiders who don't really fit into the Cantina's environment, but god do they annoy him. He can even tell by Chewbacca's insistent mumbling that he isn't too fond of the strangers either. The shaggy haired kid, named Bill or something, just won't stop whining. The older man who is a bit too full of himself seems like he's into that hippy force shit, which makes Richie not want to get involved even more. But Richie also understands that these two men want something, and that means that he would get something in return.

Just to be clear, Richie isn't a selfish man, he just knows how to play his cards right. He understands how to get by in life, and he's going to make the best out of his skill of swindling. Richie was taught at a very young age how to find loop holes and magically come out of any deal with what he wanted, even if some illegal actions were involved, which they frequently were. As a young adult, Richie has grown to accept nothing less than what he wants. Right now, he does not want to spend anymore time with this kid, but he also thinks he can easily trick this old man into giving him way more money than necessary.

"Ten-thousand?" Bill gripes, "We could almost buy our own ship for that."

Richie leans forward in his chair, ready to remind this kid that he was the one doing them a favor, "But who's going to fly it, kid? You?"

"You bet I could. I'm not such a bad pilot myself," Bill defended, rising from his seat. This is the last straw for Richie. He understands that the kid is impatient and full of himself, but Richie knows he's one of the only people in this galaxy that can fly his ship with such expertise. Bill claiming that flying was so easy is like a jab in Richie's soul. Being a pilot is a skill that some people have to work very hard for and give up a lot, Richie would know, and wasn't something this kid could just master in one day.

The older man pulls Bill back down to his seat, and makes an offer with Richie that makes spending more time with Bill seem bearable.

"Seventeen, huh?" The older man nods wisely in response to Richie's question, "Okay, you guys've got yourself a ship."

The fluorescent lighting streaming from the grated ceiling is the only thing that keeps Eddie sane in his dark detention cell. Eddie is a very anxious person, but no matter how nervous he gets in situations, he always feels this hidden strength from within. There is always a sense that he isn't alone, and that he will never truly suffer alone. There is always a sense of security deep within, no matter how utterly lonely and terrified he is in reality. Eddie was always told as a child that he was vulnerable and needed to take extra precautions to avoid the hands of danger. He understands that his place in the Senate makes him more susceptible to abuse, but Eddie always knows that he will be okay. Now this isn't some false sense of grandiosity, Eddie knows he has more potential than anyone expects. He has faith in himself when nobody else does.

As the sound of echoing footsteps are heard outside of his chamber, Eddie's pounding heart seems to quicken to match their pace. Darth Vader glides into the room after some guards.

"And now, Your Highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base."

An IT-O Interrogation Unit hovers in after Vader, yielding a long needle that makes Eddie's heart almost burst in his chest. But Eddie keeps his cool. He gazes up at Vader and glares at the man in the mask, refusing to show any sign of weakness to the enemy. Eddie tries to shuffle away from the bot, but the unit has set him as the target and refuses to sway from its orders.

The guards grab ahold of the prince and steady him in front of the needle as the bot edges towards him. Eddie curses at the guards and tries to struggle from their grip, but nevertheless fails and is met with the sharp prick of a needle on his neck. Eddie feels the serum run through his veins and his vision begins to go blurry. Everything around him is moving too slow and too fast all at once and he can't seem to fully concentrate on his own existence. The room begins to lean and sway and Eddie begins to panic. He shifts his body towards the far corner of his stone bed and pulls his legs to his chest for a sense of comfort. Vader edges towards the young prince and surprises everyone with a lighthearted tone.

"Now, Eddie I have a couple little questions for you, if you don't mind." Eddie tries to shake his head and mumble out a refusal, but he can't seem to form words in this state. "I was just wondering if you possibly knew where the location of the rebel base is?" Vader sits down next to the prince and rests his hand on Eddie's knee when Eddie tries to fight off the question.

"I-I...I c-can't," Eddie manages to mutter. Vader leans in his body closer and tries to act in a comforting manner, but Eddie can sense that there is no sincerity in his actions.

"Yes, you can. You can trust me, Your Highness, I am one with the rebellion. I am on your side," Vader lies through his teeth. Even though Eddie is heavily under the influence of the interrogation drug, he knows that Vader is using his state as a method of manipulating his mind. Through all of the fuzz of his brain, Eddie still feels that sense of belonging and comfort gnawing in the back of his head. The sensation grounds him to the reality of the situation and to Vader's lies.

Vader senses Eddie's hesitance and realizes that the boy is stronger than he thought. Eddie has some odd ability to act against the interrogation serum that Darth Vader was not expecting.

"Eddie, it's me, you father. My Name is Bail Kaspbrak. I'm one of the senators of Alderaan. I adopted you when you were just a baby. I need you to remind me where the rebel base is. You know that your dear father's memory is beginning to go a bit as I age. I need you to tell me, son."

Eddie responds with a rush of refusals. His brain coaxing him to refuse to apparent image of his adoptive father.

"If you aren't going to cooperate, we are going to have to do this the hard way," Vader threatens. "Eddie, you are feeling excruciating pain. A whole universe of pain. You body is engulfed in flames and pain is the only feeling you've ever known."

Eddie cries out in agony as all of his nerve endings light up in mind-numbing pain. He moans for the pain to stop, but Vader continues to command Eddie into a delusion of hurt. But through all of this torture, Eddie remains strong and refuses to give up the location in question. The inner security stays with him, and he is able to resist Darth Vader's mind tricks. The pain eventually becomes too much and Eddie feels the room around him become dark as his body is overcome with the burning sear of pain.

"What the fuck did you guys get me into?" Richie exclaims as the Millennium Falcon is pulled into a boarding dock of the Death Star. He can't help but beat himself up for jumping at the chance at this so-called easy deal. Richie knew that he was impulsive and occasionally materialistic, but it had been a while since he fucked himself over this bad.

"Don't fret, I have a plan," the wiser man says from the entrance of the cockpit. Richie recently figured out that the man was named Michael Hanlon. He is supposedly a Jedi master, but Richie doubts the authenticity in that claim. Richie also was told that Michael is about the same age as himself, he just holds himself in such a mature attitude that Richie has never possessed in his twenty-five years. The stress wrinkles on Mike's face probably don't help the false age that people presume of him, but Richie can definitely tell that Mike knows more about the world than Bill did.

As the ship landed on the dock, the men all hurry to hide underneath the floor compartments in the main hall of the Falcon. The men all hold their breaths as they hear the troopers approaching and walking above their heads. When all activity seems to halt aboard the ship, they all leave their spot in the secret compartments, and Mike continues with his plan.

Troopers enter the ship with a plan of scanning the place but as soon as they enter, the men take them down. Mike impersonates a trooper and hollers for the remaining stormtroopers, who are guarding the entrance, to come lend the others a hand. Once they have taken down all of the troopers, Richie and Bill quickly work to steal the uniforms off of two of the troopers and disguise themselves. The two impersonators lead Mike and Chewie to the overlooking security room for the dock.

When the door raises open, Chewbacca lets out a threatening howl as Richie works quickly to blast the guards into silence.

Bill closes the door behind them, removes his helmet, and protests, "You know, between his howling and your blasting-everything-in-sight it's a wonder the whole station doesn't know we're here."

Richie removes his helmet to reveal a pointed look and says, "Bring 'em on. I prefer a straight fight to all this sneakin' around."

The droids, C-3PO and R2-D2, are quick to scour the databases in search of a way to allow the Millennium Falcon to take flight once again. C-3PO acts as a translator for the R2 unit and explains that they have located the power beam that is containing the ship within the station. Mike decides that he needs to shut down one of the terminals on his own.

As Mike leaves the room, he speaks in a low, reassuring tone, "Be patient, Bill. Stay and watch over the droids. They must be delivered safely or other star systems will suffer. Your destiny lies along a different path from mine. The force will be with you. Always."

With that Mike runs out of the room and Bill solemnly closes the door after him. Chewie grumbles to Richie, and Richie seems to agree with the wookie.

"Why you said it, Chewie. Where did you dig up that ole hippie?"

"Mike is a great man!"

"Yeah, great at getting us into trouble," Richie mutters and the two continue to bicker until they are interrupted by a commotion coming from the two droids.

C-3PO translates for the smaller droid, "R2 says that he's here and he found him."

Bill jumps out of his seat at the news, "Who's here? Who did he find?"

"Prince Edward."

Bill's eyes grow to the size of saucers as he hurriedly asks, "The prince? He's here? Where is he?"

Richie looks confused between Bill and the droids as he wonders aloud, "Prince? A Prince? What's going on?"

R2-D2 quickly searches the database and C-3PO reports, "Level Five Detention Block AA23. I'm afraid he's scheduled to be terminated"

Bill jumps to life, "Oh no! We have to do something!"

"What are you talking about?" Richie asks, not quite mirroring Bill's attitude.

"The droids belong to him. He's the one in the message. We have to help him!" Bill explains.

Richie lounges back in one of the guards chairs and makes it clear that he has no interest in getting into any more trouble, "Now look, don't get any funny ideas. The ole man wants us to wait right here."

"But he didn't know the prince was here," Bill exclaims. He turns to the droids and quietly mutters, "Let's just find a way into the detention block."

"Look kid, I know that you think the prince is going to think of you as some big hero and you might finally get laid, but I'm not going anywhere. I can help you get fucked some other time, but not with so much on the line," Richie condescendingly jokes.

"They're going to execute him! Look a few minutes ago you said you didn't want to just wait here to be captured. Now all you want to do is stay?"

"Marching into the detention area is not exactly what I had in mind," Richie says with an eyebrow raise, to indicate his confusion with Bill's logic.

"But they're going to kill him!"

"Better him than me, buckaroo," Richie says with a bit of malice. Richie had endured enough during his life to know that risking your own life for another didn't always turn out in your favor. He doesn't think it's okay to leave the prince to die, but he doesn't know if he is willing to die just to be the good guy.

Bill sighs in an exasperated tone, clearly frustrated with having to deal with Tozier as well. Suddenly, he whips around with a devious smile on his face.

"You're in this for the money, right?"

"Well it's a pretty good motivator, kid."

"Listen, if you were to rescue him the reward would be..."

"What?"

"Well, more wealth than you could imagine!"

"I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit."

"Just trust me on this."

"You better be right, kid."

Bill and Richie devise a plan to bind Chewbacca's hands and pretend he is a prisoner, as C-3PO and R2-D2 stay behind in the security room, instructing them about the logistics of the ship from a comlink. The two men lead the wookie through the halls of the space station, keeping up the act of simply being stormtroopers. Richie knows that thinking this will work out flawlessly is wishful thinking, but he can't imagine how this mission could get that much worse.

They enter the prison block and are met by three imperial guards.

The leader of the group raises his eyebrows in suspicion of the odd newcomers,"Where are you taking this...thing?"

Bill picks up on the act right away, "Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138."

The guard seems to believe Bill at first, but then quickly says, "I wasn't notified. I'll have to clear it." He turns to look through his system and contact someone in charge and the other two guards begin to approach the so called prisoner.

Suddenly, Chewbacca breaks free of his handcuffs and flings one of the guards across the room with incredible strength. Richie and Bill pick up right away and continue with the act of the crazed prisoner.

Richie shouts, "Look out! He's loose!" while simultaneously blasting the two other guards in the room. Once the guards are taken care of, the group continues to black down any security software installed in the room.

After all of the firing has come to a halt, the room is still ablaze with flashing lights and sirens coming from the command panel.

"We gotta find out which cell this prince of yours is in," Richie says, acting quickly to look for the location, "here it is: 2187."

With the newfound information, Bill sprint down the hallway in search of the cell. Richie stays back to deal with the alarm system from the control board. Richie's smart ass exterior quickly rubs off as he panics to deal with the situation at hand.

He approaches the com system and stumbles through his report, "...Uh...everything's under control. Situation normal."

"What happened?" A voice crackles through the system.

"Uh...had a slight weapon malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly alright now. We're fine...uh...we're all fine here...now. Uh...how are you?" Richie cringes at himself from his poor choice of words. He knows that he just fucked them over even more.

"We're sending a squad up."

"Uh negative! negative! That won't be necessary. It's not quite safe to come up here yet. I don't think that's a good idea," Richie panics.

"Who is this? What's your operating number?" The voice demands.

Richie fumbles with that question and decides on picking up his blaster instead and blasting the com system to put the conversation to rest.

"Boring conversation anyway," Richie harshly jokes to himself before yelling down the hall, "Bill, we're going to have company!"

Prince Eddie is brought back to reality from his cell door sliding open. He had previously decided to let himself rest and close his eyes for a little bit after he had been badly tortured by his captors. Sleeping on a cold, hard, slab of rock wasn't the best way to ride off his high, but anything was better than feeling excruciating pain.

Truthfully, Eddie's heart skipped a beat when the trooper entered his cell. He knew that Vader was either going to torture him further or get rid of him since he wasn't helping the Empire out in any way. When the trooper walks in, Eddie is very worn out but still ready to fight for his life. But instead of being met with a stone cold clone, the trooper seems to hesitate for a second. He shuffles around almost humanistically and Eddie somehow has a feeling that this isn't the typical soldier.

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" Eddie sasses as he lays femininely upon his bed.

The trooper seems a bit taken aback and confused before shaking his head and pulling off his helmet. Beneath the suit is a regular man around the same age as Eddie. Eddie is in no way attracted to this man, but he can tell that the man is someone Eddie could easily look up to and admire. He has reddish brown hair that's swept to the side but had been tussled by his helmet. He has fairly long features with a wide set jawline. The man looks confident, scared, and confused all at once.

"I'm Bill Denbrough. I'm here to rescue you."

Eddie begins to sit up a bit, but still refuses to trust this random guy, "You're who?"

"I'm here to rescue you. I've got your R2 unit. I'm here with Mike Hanlon."

With that name, Eddie shoots up from his spot on the bed. "Mike Hanlon? Where is he?" Eddie rapidly questions.

Bill doesn't offer answer, but instead ushers Eddie out of the room, "Come on!"

The two rush down the hall towards the main exit but stop in their steps when they hear a commotion coming from the elevator. Two other figures stand in the room with Eddie and Bill. One of them being a large wookie with a blaster in hand, but the other man seems to grab even more attention than the creature. The other guy is also dressed in a trooper uniform but had removed his helmet. Eddie automatically notices the man's height and lengthy figure. All of his facial features are sharp and prominent from his cheekbones, to his nose, and to his jawline. He works quickly to blast the incoming Imperial guards that had blasted into the room.

Eddie and Bill back further down the hall to retreat from the line of fire, but Eddie can't help but be mesmerized by the stranger. He works with the wookie as a team to take down the troopers that seem to be flooding into the room. They back their way down the hallway to meet up with Eddie and Bill. Eddie is harshly brought out of his daydream when he suddenly realizes that his so-called saviors are just as lost and confused as he is.

The four of them run further down the hall while the troopers seem to slow down in their advance.

"Can't get out that way," the man says matter-of-factly, as if this isn't a huge problem.

"Looks like you managed to cut off our only escape route," Eddie decides to snap at the man for his mistake.

"Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, Your Highness?" The man quickly sasses back.

Before Eddie can continue with the inappropriately timed banter, a blast comes barreling down the hallway towards their heads and the group is reminded of their present danger. The four of them hug the wall and hide behind a slight lip of the infrastructure, both of the strangers blasting back at the troopers.

Bill tries to contact the droids but quickly declares, "There isn't any other way out!" while getting out his own blaster too.

The handsome man continues to fight off the troopers while yelling, "I can't hold 'em off forever! Now what?"

Eddie turns to the stranger and sasses, "This is some rescue. You came in here, but you didn't have a plan for getting out?"

"He's the brains, sweetheart!" The man sasses back.

With that comment, Eddie grabs the blaster from Bill's hands and shoots at a nearby grate to a garbage shoot.

"What the hell are you doing?" The man rushingly yells.

Eddie jumps out from the wall with the blaster still in hand and says, "Somebody has to save our skins!" As he crosses the short distance to the grate, he blasts down the hall at more of the troopers.

"Into the garbage shoot, fly boy!" Eddie says to the man before quickly squeezing through the now open grate.

Author’s Note:

So a lot of the dialogue is going to be almost word for word from the movie at first because I need to get the storyline across and actually have it make sense. In the next chapter it will be more in depth when I can actually grow on the relationship between Eddie and Richie.

Also I did so much fucking research to make sure the intro chapter actually fit in with the story line of A New Hope but honestly I loved it. It was so much fun.

#IT movie #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #star wars #fan fiction #au #alternate universe #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #stanley uris #beverly marsh #eddie x richie #stephen king #han solo #leia skywalker #luke skywalker

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papermoonloveslucy · 3 years

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LUCILLE BALL IS ON THE WARPATH

January 15, 1973

By ELAINE SHEPARD, HOLLYWOOD (WNS)

Faint-hearted TV and film executives had better start circling the wagons. Lucille Ball is on the warpath.

Lucy never does anything by halves, and is feisty enough to take on the whole show business establishment. She has become one of the television industry's richest, most influential leaders, and she has a very personal set of moral weights and measures.

"A lot of dirty old men have been on a ragged, jagged toot of making money and pandering to an audience's basest instincts. As soon as they are not making money which is happening already those pictures will sit in the vault.”

"I know my audience is still out there so I'm not worried. But it's a terrible thing as a mother or father to try to shape your children morally and in every other way and have it torn down in one short season of movie-going. Because once they are 15 and a certain height they are allowed in to the theatres and everything they were taught to believe in is ripped apart. All this permissiveness has put tremendous responsibility on young people's shoulders. At least you and I had guidelines. Now they are not even allowed a conscience that tells them right from wrong."

Tacky pictures are something to be avoided like drafts and bad cooking, says Lucy. "At home, I've stopped many movies in the middle and sent guests and projectionists home.”

"Violence has gone beyond the bounds of tolerance. Today's films leave the young people in a spiritual wasteland. No direction. Everything is dirty, smelly, icky, lousy. They should have something to hope for, to dream about. We need a little fantasy. Not just sexual fantasies. We give them no hope any place."

Lucy was one of the first to demolish forever the cliché that beauty and brains are incompatible. Her energy is atomic. Smoking cigarettes at a cancerous rate, she was on the phone arranging last-minute details for her 80-year-old carrot - topped mother, Dede, to go fishing in Colorado. "My condominium is at 9,800 feet. You should see Dede going down the mountain with the kids on a belly-whacker at 40 miles an hour."

Tall and handsome Gary Morton says his 11-year alliance with Lucille is "the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him." It is a marriage that hums. You can sense the little waves of approval and the love arrows going back and forth. He gave Lucy a white juiced-up golf cart with her name on the door to carry her around the Universal Studios lot. Gary is executive producer of "Here's Lucy." This season represents his wife's 22nd year as a major CBS Television Network star.

With every rung of the theatrical ladder greased and the most slippery one at the top, Lucille keeps her watchful big blue eyes on 21-year-old daughter Lucie, a costar on the program. "She is quite serious about her career."

Lucie and her brother Desi IV (20 this month) have been raised with every advantage that wealth and love could provide. "Their father (Desi Arnaz III) is proud of them. He has a Moroccan palace in Baja. The kids, including Liza Minelli, visit them there. My son loves Liza very much and so do we. I knew her before I knew my own children. Our family is so close now it hurts. Very close. So close that the telephone bills from Desi's movie locations in Japan and Israel are astronomical."

She has no plans to retire. "I don't know what I'm going to do from one minute to the next. When it's time to make a decision I make it. I don't feel any need to change the comedy format. Response from the fans indicates it works."

How did movie standards get twisted? "Some producers have been given so much rope they are hanging themselves. A lot of pornographic stuff is going begging. We have good directors but no big studios with jobs for them. No 'papas' around anymore; nobody to set standards and give direction. Among the exceptions in this town are Disney and Ross Hunter. I say 'thank God' for them."

Former waitress, soda jerk, wholesale garment model and chorus girl, Lucy became the first woman president of a major Hollywood film producing company (Desilu Productions) with an estimated annual gross of $25,000,000. In 1967 she sold her interest in Desilu to Golf & Western Industries and is a substantial shareholder in that financial empire.

In 1968 she formed Lucille Ball Productions. Headquarters is rented from Universal Studios. "I am happy to be a tenant and not interested in being a big tycoon anymore. We will create new TV programs, specials and movies."

We didn't discuss Women's Lib. For Lucy is Women's Lib personified.

She also is Auntie Mame. The movie starts this month, will make a fortune for Warner Bros., and be a coronation for the queen of comedy.

Monday, January 15, 1973, also saw the premiere of “Lucy and Her Genuine Twimby” (HL S5;E17) guest-starring Robert Cummings.

On the same date, UPI reported that “Here’s Lucy” would return for a sixth season, marking Ball’s 23rd year on TV. Coincidentally, the following item reports that Lucy’s friend and frequent co-star Mary Wickes would recreated her Broadway and film role in a television version of “The Man Who Came To Dinner” for Hallmark Hall of Fame.

[January 15, 1973, was also just before production began on the film musical Mame. Joan Crosby reported on the press event.]

It was like the old days of Hollywood. The red carpet was laid at Studio One at The Burbank Studios (nee Warner Brothers) and 200 people showed up for lunch with Lucille Ball and the cast of "Mame," the day before production.

Lucy made a great entrance in her silver-and-black outfit, with long earrings, cigarette holder to match, close cropped black hair and tightly wound silver turban. If you wonder why Mame couldn't be, like Lucy, a redhead. Lucy says a lot of thought went into the color, which will be used in the early scenes. Before the 20 years of Maine's life are finished she will also be seen as a blonde, redhead and finally, blue-tinted, silver-haired lady. Told that it's hard to get used to her with dark hair, Lucy smiled and said, "I can't get used to me, either."

Lucy will have about 45 costume changes in the musical, which delights her and should please the ladies.

Robert Fryer, who is co-producer of "Mame," said they needed an actress for the role who was "chic, humorous, warm and loving," and Lucy mugged her way through that.

Lucy said she was delighted to do "Mame" because it is "a four-letter word and so is love, so is care and so is hope." She added that so many films today lack these qualities. "Also, they don't give us anything to hum unless you want to come out of the theater humming a manure pile."

Lucy introduced costars Robert Preston, Bea Arthur (who played Vera on Broadway and will recreate it here), Jane Connell, the original Agnes Gooch, and darling Kirby Furlong; who will turn 10 during production.

Kirby, who is very small for his age, was wearing a tuxedo and director Gene Saks said, "Kirby always dresses that way. He gets up in the morning and jumps into his tux." Kirby laughed.

Meanwhile, in other papers, Mame’s casting was reported, concentrating on adult Patrick, played by Bruce Davison. The release incorrectly lists Madeline Kahn, who was initially cast as Gooch, but left the production, reportedly due to a conflict with Lucille Ball.

#Lucille Ball #Mame #Here's Lucy #1973 #TV #CBS #Mary Wickes #Bruce Kirby #Dede Ball

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star-anise · 7 years

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I'm in my last year of undergrad and I feel like everything has gone to shit. The past year and a half have been awful, i have depression, anxiety and im almost positive i have ADHD too. I feel like such a piece of shit because I keep asking for the extensions on projects and exams, and I'm afraid I'm gonna be this way forever. Sorry this is a lot but do you have any advice on how to take the first step in digging myself out of this hole ive created?

Okay, so it seems like you came in via this post. That’s pretty much my philosophy here. I don’t know if you’re gonna “be this way forever” or not--I know I will probably be the way I am (depressed, anxious, with ADHD) forever, but that isn’t necessarily the same as being a trash disaster on academic probation forever.

I’ll be honest, I kind of feel like after a year and a half, you’re kind of an expert on what you can do with two hands and a shovel. You’ve been digging yourself out as fast as you can, and it’s been a real struggle. I think it’s time for you to get actual help, as in, other people. Reaching out to me was a good first step. I can help you decide where to go from here.

Keep it simple and take it slow. If you don’t know where to find any of this stuff, feel free to private message me your school’s website; I have a minor knack for reading organizational structures.

For the next week, pick ONE OR TWO of the following options. Even if they’re all good ideas, keep your goals manageable. And then, of those one or two, pick one or two SMALL ACTIONS you can do to pursue them, like looking up a number in your student handbook or making an appointment. If you do more, that’s great, but the siren song of our people is, “I’m gonna accomplish so much!”

Without further ado: Some Options For Help

Your school’s Disability Services/Accessibility Office/Office of Inclusion/whatever they call it

You’re looking for the office that helps Deaf/Blind/mobility-impaired students succeed in school. Mental health falls under the same category. It’s their job to make sure your school is providing you with as much chance at an education as it would provide to someone who’s totally neurotypical. Tell them what you told me.

Stuff they can do:

Tell you what your school’s requirement is for documenting a disability

Give you information on local assessment and treatment options--what psych professionals locally are good? Is there a fund somewhere that will cover your testing? Does the student health centre have a psychiatrist?

Provide you with a letter that tells your instructors that giving extensions, having flexible schedules, or dropping penalties for non-attendance is a legal requirement to accommodate you. This is not necessarily a free pass--a professor may decide that some things are mandatory or non-negotiable--but it is an easy way to bring these problems up early, before they become an issue.

Help find your or fund you a tutor (more on this later)

Help you find other resources and services on your campus

Your school’s Counselling Centre/Wellness Services/Social Work Office/wherever they hide the shrinks

This is the place where they offer free counselling. If there’s walk-in, go to walk-in; if they can book an appointment in a week, go in a week; if there’s a three-month waitlist, get your name on the waitlist.

Funny story--I had graduated undergrad before I realized that students got free counselling on-campus. I’d been in therapy since I was 16, but five years of undergrad? Yeah, no clue. I was looking for therapists on Psychology Today and shelling out hundreds of dollars out of pocket, and there were hot and cold running therapists under my very nose.

In fact, there might be more than just therapists. The school I worked at had regular counsellors, and also a Learning Specialist, whose job included teaching people with executive function disorders like depression and ADHD how to study effectively! It’s worth asking about.

When you see one of these people, it’s very tempting to think they are An Adult Who Is The Boss Of You. They will look at you, understand you with their expert knowledge, tell you what your deal is, and give you instructions on what to do now!

In reality, therapists are not Sherlock Holmes, or profilers on TV. We can’t just look at you and go, “I see by the way you button your coat that you’re a middle child and ambiguity makes you uncomfortable.” We rely a lot on “client report”--on what you say is true. Psychological assessment is a process involving interaction, not a detached observation of stable qualities. If a therapist says something about you that seems inaccurate, it is beneficial and good to say, “No, actually, I think you’re mistaken. To me, it looks more like...”

You’re recruiting an experienced co-traveller to go on a trip with you. They know a lot about rocks and trails and climbing harness, but they don’t know the territory you’ll be travelling together. So first and foremost, you want to find someone you want to go on a trip with: a therapist who is a good fit for you.

If you don’t like your assigned therapist, ask for a new one. We have an ethical responsibility to provide referrals when we can’t provide someone with the treatment they need, and since a good client-therapist relationship predicts therapy outcome like 70% of the time, simply not liking or trusting your therapist is a good enough reason to try somebody new. If you want you can just email them after the session and say, “I don’t think you and I quite clicked. With what you know now of my personality and issues, is there someone else in your office you can refer me to?”

Medication. Different medication.

Not gonna lie, going on antidepressants was like... getting the inside of my brain whitewashed. There was so much space. So much room. I could think and feel without being constantly smothered in negativity! And going on ADHD meds on top of that was like.. the thoughts that had always been slippery, unable to grasp or manipulate, suddenly became solid in my hands. I could grip them, slow them down, tell them to go somewhere else.

Both times, it took five to ten adjustments to get to the right cocktail and dosage. For example, I was on an antidepressant that stopped me from crying and freaking out all the time but killed my creative drive, so we added a drug that gave me more energy so I could write again. Then money got tight, we tried me on a generic, found that didn’t work, and found a way to pay for the first version. Each time, it meant seeing the doctor, trying a dose for two weeks or a month, and then going back to report progress and try adjusting it again.

Again: It’s a process, an interaction. It’s something you get a say in. And if you’re currently on meds--well, let me just say: If you sent me an ask like that, your meds aren’t doing their job. They’re not the right ones for you. So it’s time for an adjustment.

If you can get to or afford a psychiatrist, great! A general practitioner who’s known you for a while will often do. And if you need to, well, I’ve gotten my meds adjusted by a different doctor every time at a walk-in family practice clinic. You do what you can. Information on who and what is available is often why Disability Services is a great resource--who knows, maybe there’s a psychiatrist on campus you can see for free who sees the depression/anxiety/ADHD trifecta all the time!

(General life tip: When they give you an assessment for depression, anxiety, or ADHD, don’t downplay your symptoms. Answer the way you would on a bad day or when you’re struggling. Of course you know how to cope with these challenges, but the unfair part is that you have to cope with them at all)

A tutor or academic coach

This never occurred to me for a long long time, because I was always a “smart kid”, and I always thought tutors were for people who didn’t intellectually grasp the material. Meanwhile: Surprise! I have a developmental disability that significantly impacts my learning! My grad school put me on academic probation and effectively foisted a person of this job description on me, and it was the BEST THING EVER.

If you’ve ever felt like you would work so much better if only you had someone sitting there all the time making you work? Or a sympathetic friend who could help you break it down and be less overwhelming? If the only time you get your work done is when someone else asks you about it? This is the person for you.

Most schools provide these services to students for free, or subsidize disabled students’ tutoring. If all else fails, you can find a tutor on your own and say, “I get this stuff intellectually, but I really need someone who makes me spend time with it, because left to myself I’d get anxious and ignore it all until the night before the deadline.”

If you have good friends who can do this for you, that’s great too--but the biggest objection to the post that brought you here is, “I’m depressed and socially anxious--I don’t HAVE anybody to help!” So this post is aimed at linking you up to people whose explicit job it is to help you--people you, your insurance, or your tuition dollars directly pay for.

#staranise original #virgoduh

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vileart · 7 years

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Quarterife Dramaturgy: Yolanda Mercy @ Edfringe 2017

THEATRE (New Writing and Spoken Word)

Yolanda Mercy, Gemma Lloyd and Jade Lewis in association with Underbelly Untapped presents:

Quarter Life Crisis

WORLD PREMIERE

Tackling heritage, expectations, generational guilt and wanting to keep a 16-25 railcard, Yolanda Mercy asks what does it mean to be a grown up? Written and Performed by Yolanda Mercy Original Music composed and played live by Luay Eljamal Underbelly, Delhi Belly, 3 – 27 Aug 2017 (not 14), 14.40 (15.40) Part of the Underbelly Untapped season, Yolanda Mercy looks at her own life and the lives of the generations before her in a semi-autobiographical, painfully honest piece about being in your mid-twenties all depicted through the relatable character Alicia.

She wrestles with responsibilities and expectations, tries to justify herself against generations who had a plan by the time they were 20, attempts to balance her London upbringing with her Nigerian heritage, and trying to figure out where the fun in all that is... Alicia is a hot mess. She doesn't know what she's doing with her life. Swiping left, swiping right to find the perfect match.

Even though she's a Londoner, born

and bred, the scent of Lagos peppers her existence in the ends. Everyone around her seems to know where they're going in life, but she's trying to find ways to cheat growing up and keep her 16-25 railcard. What does it mean to be an adult, and when do you become one? Quarter Life Crisis mixes addictive basslines, spoken word and audience participation.

What was the inspiration for this performance?

My cousin was getting married, my friend was having a baby and all I could think about was ways to cheat the system by keeping my young persons railcard (past being 25). Realising that everyone around me was “adulting”, I turned to my laptop and made this story into a play.

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas?

Yes, I really believe that performance is still a very good space for ideas. We spend hours listening to our favourite artist (Drake if you are me), then await the moment when you get spend an evening seeing them perform live with other people who are drawn to the lyrics, beats or energy of the artist.

I believe the same is for theatre. We spend money to hear the thoughts or messages of an author, who has questions about the world – so places this on stage, with lights, set and a talented team. By doing this, I believe we (writers) offer up a platform for discussion which can sometimes offer a place to empower the voice of people who feel underrepresented.

I found this when I wrote my first play On The Edge of Me, which explored graduate unemployment and mental health issues. It was astonishing to receive messages, tweets and sometimes be grabbed (physically) by audiences who would say ‘that's my story on stage’.

I always get taken aback when I hear that, as I know it is not possible for it to be that persons direct story- because I wrote my play in Stockwell and they live in Manchester, but it is very clear to me that the themes within the play resonates with the audience- enough for them to want to start a conversation, seek support (in regards to mental health issues) and find ways to break the stigma attached.

How did you become interested in making performance?

I became interested in performance from watching…. Lord knows I used to watch a lot of people growing up. Be it the spice girls or the Matthew Bourne Company… Yes I love me some of The Car Man. I spent hours learning routines from shows, and reciting lines (from Grease)- all to the amazement of my silent audiences (who were my Barbies and Teddy bears).

Of course this was when I was 5 years old (or maybe last week…shhh!). But I fell in love with how artists can tell a story through their body and voice. This then led me to pursue the arts further by studying dance at The Royal Academy of Dance, then attending the BRIT school (from age 14), where I learnt from amazing artists about how and why you make performance.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

I would say that I prefer approaching a show in a collaborative way, because 3 heads are better than 1. I may sit down and write the script, but I share my drafts with my wonderful dramaturg (aka script doctor) Jules Haworth who really helps me to dig deeper and investigate “what am I really saying”.

Jules is really amazing because she’s worked with a variety of artists independently and through her role at Soho Theatre (so she really knows her stuff). Alongside of Jules, I work with my core team Director Jade Lewis (Creative Associate at The Gate) and Producer Gemma Lloyd – who always find innovative ways in approaching the production, be it working with an amazing PR agent (wink wink) Mobius, or collaborating with a talented sound/visual designer Luay Eljamal.

All of these people are key ingredients into making a show, as our collective skills help us to create a show which we are all fully invested in and proud of. I always say to everyone I work with, lets make “our” show exciting for an audience, because it is just as much my show as it is there’s.

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

Quarter Life Crisis is my second show, which is kind of like giving birth to a baby- and like every baby they are so different but just as special. Audiences who saw my first show On The Edge of Me, then managed to nab a ticket for our sold out previews of Quarter Life Crisis, say that the shows definitely feel like they are from the same family- but Quarter Life Crisis is way more epic. I think when they say epic, it means the show has a stronger production value as it has projection, set, original music (which makes you want to party) and way more costume changes than On The Edge Of Me.

I wrote On The Edge of Me almost 2 years ago, and I have changed as a person. I have been fortunate enough to have had more time to invest in my craft by seeing more shows in the UK/international, collaborate with diverse plethora of artists (visual designers, set designers, sound designers etc) and attend CPD workshops which have helped me to grow as an artist. I feel that Quarter Life Crisis is stronger production, as I have endured the labour pains of giving birth to my first child On The Edge Of Me- so I am better prepared….I think….

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

Good question. Well this show really takes you on a journey (without giving too much away). A journey which I have been told is very relatable, but the aspect that people say that really grabs them is the heritage part. In the show, we really get into my culture more…..

I am Nigerian. So audiences get to experience a bit of my culture, by hearing my tribes language “Yoruba” on stage, learn a bit of my country’s history and also some music (with a slight London twist). I think by mixing the relatable aspect with my heritage, it’s made audiences feel curious about their heritage.

Discover who they are. Celebrate what makes them unique and questions western societies notion of “growing up” in 2017.

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

I studied. I studied real hard. I was inspired by 3 people when thinking about creating this show Lusia Omielan, Lady Gaga and Tyler Oakley. They are all from very different mediums. But what they all have in common is their relationship to an audience.

They truly believe in their messages and find ways to make it appeal to their audience. For example I was lucky enough to see Lady Gaga in concert a few years ago. From start to finish I felt I was taken on a journey which made me laugh, cry and then dance (like ive never danced before). Lady Gaga gave everything she could to us, so much so that she even fell over in the show- but in true Lady Gaga amazingness she got back up and continued the dance routine.

I remember standing their frozen and thinking “I want to do that” (falling over and all). I wanted to make a show which had a strong message/theme and took an audience on a journey. I wasn't sure how to do this, so I studied Lusia Omielan’s What Would Beyonce Do?, Tyler Oakley’s Slumber Party and all things Lady Gaga- and made my own response to this.

I then tested this response (aka) Quarter Life Crisis at various scratch nights such as Brainchild’s Hatch and in previews in front of a sold out audience at OvalHouse, which has shaped how I deliver the show. I know that doing the show at Edinburgh Fringe it will also mould/change depending on the audience.

Yolanda Mercy said, “‘It got to a point in my life where my friend was having a baby and my biggest concern was trying to keep my young person’s railcard. The more I looked around me it seemed that everyone was ‘adulting’; getting a mortgage, planning weddings and leaving big tips at restaurants. Feeling like Peter Pan and watching everyone leave Neverland, I turned to my laptop and started writing Quarter Life Crisis.” Yolanda Mercy is a London-based actor and playwright who works around the globe. She trained at the Brit School, Laban and Royal Central School of Speech and Drama. Her work is a springboard to discuss personal and social issues including mental health, unemployment and heritage. She is a winner of the Rich Mix Small Story Big City Award, Associate Artist at OvalHouse Theatre and was previously Resident at The Roundhouse and the Almeida Theatre. She has been partnered with and commissioned by: The British Council, Arts Council England, O2 Think Big, Soho Theatre, Rich Mix, Wandsworth Council, Talawa, Lyric Hammersmith, SE1 United, OvalHouse Theatre, Tamasha, The Migration Museum, Arc Stockton, Ideas Tap and Peggy Ramsey Foundation. Quarter Life Crisis will tour after the run at Edinburgh Fringe, with dates at Attenborough Arts Centre, Cheltenham Everyman, Arena Theatre Wolverhampton, Churchill Theatre Bromley and The Albany London confirmed for October and November 2017, with more dates to be added.

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ecotone99 · 5 years

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[RF] Passengers

I opened my eyes to the sound of my phone. I turned to my nightstand and picked it up. You would think hearing the same series of beeps and buzzes throughout the day, every day, would eventually dull the excitement of the next notification, but the hope that the next one will bring me happiness with that message I’ve always been waiting for seems to be enough to keep me hooked. Text, from Jeff. “Did you hear anything about the new job? Tell me as soon as you find out!!” Email. “Dear Applicant!” it began. Glad they went out of their way to personalise this for me. “We are pleased to officially offer you the position of Vice President at our company! Below are the details of your offer, including our outstanding benefits, as well as the details of your relocation to San Diego.” This was it. The message I was hoping for. The message of happiness. 3 months of interviews and waiting had finally paid off. I had spent the last 5 years since college working my way up through different positions and companies to get to this point. Each new position I had had seemed like the “one” at the time, yet somehow they all eventually left me wanting more. How could I have let myself get fooled by these recruiters? Each with their promises of glory and purpose. Each ending the same. This time was different. This was a top position at a top firm, meaning money and perks. I would be in San Diego. The sun, the women, the beaches, the food. I had spent far too long surviving the winters in Chicago. How did it never bothered me when I was a kid? I’ve spent my whole life here, but only recently have the hard conditions been on my mind. This is something I could fix. Everything will be better.

II.

I was immediately struck by the energy of the bustle as I walked through the doors of the airport. Being surrounded by people in motion, each going their own way, but none as important as mine. Mine was the most life changing, and knowing that made me stand a little taller. I turned to face my parents, who insisted on parking the car and walking inside with me. “Well, I guess this is it” I said nervously. I knew an emotional moment was upon us, which I was not looking forward to. “Remember the golden rule” said my dad stoically as we shook hands. That’s it? Is he that indifferent to me leaving? Does he not actually care? “Oh, my boy” began my mom. This was going to be hard to stand through. She stopped herself from continuing as she felt the tears coming, so I went in for a hug. Better to get this over with as quickly as possible, and to save her from more pain. I pulled away and looked at her as she brought her hand over her mouth. She was always so protective over us. Always worrying. I deeply respected and cared about my parents, but I felt like they never understood my motives. They grew up in a different time, in poverty, on the farms in Eastern Europe, they couldn’t have understood what I was going through. This was my journey to success and happiness.

III.

“Boarding for flight A34 to San Diego will begin in 5 minutes” called the attendant. I glanced up from my ebook towards the gate as the crowd started to gather. I caught the stare of a little boy wearing a blue backpack and red cap holding his big sisters hand and gave him a half smile, which made him quickly turn towards her in embarrassment. If only he knew that he was in the best time of his life. Every step for him was an embraced unknown, not worrying if what’s coming next is good or bad. He acts purely on instinct, shaped by the teachings of his parents and by the experiences he’s lived. As he is led by instinct, we adults seem to be led by other forces. At what point have we traded the trust of this instinct for the trust of other people, like the “experts” in all areas we find online? Where this boy cries when he’s hungry, I’m forced to feel hunger at the time of day for the amount of calories given to me by the current fad diet. Where he reaches for the toy in the store that excites his curiosity, I reach for the newest smartphone to display on my belt so that others can see it. Would I not feel the same hunger as him if I simply waited for that feeling? Should I not reach for the things that excite my curiosity? Where else would our instinct lead us if we just let it? My phone buzzed with a text message. Without changing my glance my hand went right for my pocket. Haven’t I already recieved my life changing notification? Why am I still immediately reaching for my phone?

IV.

“Good evening!” said the flight attendant as I boarded the plane. “Hey” I replied as I walked past her. She was wearing a navy jacket and skirt, which did a good job of showing her figure, with her blonde hair tied in a not so neat bun. She did her smiling with her eyes more than with her mouth, which made me feel like I already had someone I could trust on this flight. I was hoping she would be working in my section. I continued walking through first class to make it to my seat, looking at the different characters who felt it was worth spending twice the amount of a regular ticket to arrive at the same place. One man in particular caught my eye, businessman rather, who already had his laptop out, phone up to his cheek, sprouting a sharp suit and glass of dark liquor. He seemed to be completely engulfed with what he was doing, using a voice anyone would deem as being an outdoor voice, smiling neither with his eyes nor mouth. “Ok, let’s go through the presentation again, we need to be completely prepared for this. Half million dollar account potential here.” he yelled. The word “million” attracted other nearby glances. Money, success, here it was. Half of the motivation for my move. What was it about this man, this image, that drew the attention of so many people? Watching this man yell at his laptop was like a form of entertainment, but was the businessman entertained? Not able to sit in peace, needing liquor to settle the stress of potentially botching a presentation with a prospective customer, always on the move. How many other people’s jobs depended on this presentation, on meeting sales quotas and revenue forecasts? This man was so focused on what he was doing, I doubt he noticed a single other soul on this flight. What a lonely man this must be.

As I reached my seat, I hoisted my carry-on up into the compartment, felt my pocket to make sure I didn’t crush my cigarettes, and took my seat. I knew smoking wasn’t allowed on flights, but I wasn’t the biggest fan of flying, and for some reason just having my cigarettes on hand was comforting enough. I was beyond tired of everyone I knew telling me to stop smoking. Everyone knows smoking isn’t healthy, but this just wasn’t the right time for me to quit. I wasn’t ready. New city, new job, I needed them now more than ever. Once I became comfortable in my new life, then I’d stop. I plugged my headphones into my armrest and found a rock album I listened to as a teenager on the infotainment system. I had the aisle seat, and so far the other two seats in my trio were empty. I hoped it would stay that way so that I could lay down and have them all to myself. I sat there staring into space, getting into the music, when about halfway through the first song I saw red in my peripherals. It was that same boy from before, stopped in the aisle right in front of me. I saw hands on his shoulders and looked up, to see his father. I removed my right headphone. “We’ve got these two” he said. I stood up to let them through. The boy took an enthusiastic jump into the middle seat next to me, while the father was removing his own backpack to put under the seat in front of him. Unfortunately, the boy was still wearing his blue backpack when he got into his seat, crushing whatever little he fit in there. The father moved ever so calmly, removing his son’s backpack to put under the middle seat in front of him, not even giving a thought to see what broke inside. It was as if the boy was fueled off of his fathers energy, leaving him with none. Perhaps that’s why Chicago winters didn’t phase me at his age. Whatever energy I needed to ignore the cold I took from my parents, leaving me nothing but to enjoy the good parts and leaving them with worse winters than I’ve ever felt. Why am I blaming the weather for my source of unhappiness then, when it’s so much harder for others and yet they don’t leave? Is a never ending summer not the answer? I thought about Jeff and his text, always excited to hear what I’m doing. I thought about my mom, always so happy to see me every time I visit. When once I was drawing energy from her, is she now drawing energy from me? Do we not do that with each of our friends and family? Who then will I have in a never ending summer to draw from when the heat of the sun draws the energy from me?

VI.

Bing, Bong. I heard a faint voice mix with the song I had on. Normally the infotainment would mute on its own, but I guess I had a broken one. “...this is your Captain speaking. I would like to welcome you aboard our flight A34 to San Diego. Looks like we’ll have calm weather the entire way, so sit back, relax, and let us take care of you” said the voice. “Aye Aye, Captain!” said the boy next to me. Aye Aye, Captain. I was glad we wouldn’t be seeing any turbulence on the way. The crew took care of the other formalities, and we were in the air after a short while. I was back into my music when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Navy. I took my right headphone out again and saw the flight attendant from when I entered the plane. “Hello again” She said. “Would you like something to drink?”. “Oh, um, no thank you. I’m good.” I stuttered. “Well how would you know when you still have the other headphone in your left ear? There’s no way you can be listening to me and the music at the same time.” She said. “Sorry, you’re right” I said, as I took my other headphone out. “What’s your name?” she asked. “Nate. What’s yours?” I replied. “Beth. Nice to meet you Nate. Are you from San Diego?” she asked me. “No, I grew up in Chicago, but I’m moving there. Just got a new job, but I’ve been thinking maybe I’m doing it for the wrong reasons. After seeing that guy in first class, I’m not sure that life is for me.” I explained to her. “Oh ya?” she mocked. Her light-heartedness snapped me out of the deep thought I was in. She went on to explain “I’m sure you’ll figure it out, but you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else. We all have our assigned seat on this plane, you just need to make the best out of yours. Now, about that drink, I know exactly what you need. It’ll be a surprise.” She bent down out of sight to fetch something from the cart, poured it into a styrofoam cup, and handed it to me. I didn’t get a chance to see what she poured. “What is this?” I asked her. “The only way for you to really know is to try it for yourself” She said with a smirk. I looked down and took a sip. It was hot chocolate. I don’t remember a drink ever making me feel that warm. I turned back to thank her, but she was already making her way down the aisle.

VII.

Bing, Bong. With no music playing I was able to hear the Captain. “Ladies and Gentlemen, looks like we’ve run into a slight mechanical issue. Nothing to be alarmed about, but we will need to make an emergency landing in Denver. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to take off again, so all passengers will need to deboard. We’re terribly sorry for the inconvenience.” I looked down the aisle to see the business man throw his hands up in frustration, laptop still glowing. Past him was Beth, who met eyes with me, and gave me a smile and wave, which I returned. I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes.

VIII.

I awoke in a panic. I felt the sensation of the plane being in a nose dive. I didn’t know what was going on. I started looking around, and noticed everyone was in a panic, even the businessman. He was looking at the passengers around him for any sort of help. I guess this is what it took for him to notice them. Everyone, that is, except for an elderly man who was sitting in the seat just across the aisle from me. He had some playing cards thrown around his tray. He was looking back at me, smiling. What is wrong with this old man? Why is he just sitting there look at me? My mind was racing. My anger shifted from the old man to the Captain. Did the Captain fall asleep and forget about us? He said calm weather, that implies no turbulence. What is going on? The old man saw my anxiety and leaned closer. “There’s no use being angry unless you’re able to fly the plane yourself. And since you can’t, might as well be happy and join me in a game. The Captain knows what he’s doing.” At that moment the plane leveled out. Everyone slowly calmed down, while the old man started dealing the cards. That awful moment, which at the time felt like an eternity, was now a fleeting memory. During our game I thought back to my father’s words at the airport. Instead of emotion, he gave me the golden rule. He knew there was nothing within his power to stop me from leaving, just as this old man knew there was nothing we could do with the plane. If all we have in our control is the way we treat each other in the bad times, what else would we have in the good times?

IX.

The fasten seatbelt sign turned off as we pulled up to the gate in Denver. Everyone stood up and started collecting their bags. I was struck by the bustle of the passengers in motion, each going their own way, all as important as mine. Learning that made me stand a little taller. As I approached the exit, I saw the cockpit door open and the Captain sitting in his chair. He had turned to face the aisle, but the lower half of his face was blocked by his chair. As I walked past, I gave him a head nod, and I saw his eyes narrow in return. I stepped out into the jet bridge, feeling the cold air hit my face. I walked up to a garbage can just a few steps ahead of me, reached in my pocket, grabbed my cigarettes, and threw them in. I was not comfortable in life, and it felt good. It was a perfect time to stop. I continued down the bridge towards the terminal, every step an embraced unknown.

I opened my eyes to the sound of my phone. I must have fallen asleep again. I turned to my nightstand to pick it up. Text, from Jeff. “Well??” Email. “Dear company” I began. “I regret to inform you that I will not be taking the position…”

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