#jfc I know I’m stupid but THIS LEVEL OF STUPID

[fbfh]

steddingrove/three musketeers x reader dynamic hcs

warnings: smut, tripple penetration, fluff, they're all doms, your boys treat you really well, brief optional mention of reader posessing a coochie

as with all nsfw works all characters are aged up to 18+ minors for gods sake dni!!!

a/n: I want to bite all of them also emailing therapists again wish me luck

tags: @yesv01 @hopefullhearts @littlewinter1917 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl  @Sad-brunnettee @ilikemypolarbear @lubsana @cowboylikekelsey @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @ilikemypolarbear @Ronnasey @cowboylikekelsey @hxgemxscles @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @justbookworm @Sad-brunnettee @ilikemypolarbear @Ronnasey @hxgemxscles @demirunner @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @inqueee

Billy and Steve 

We've seen Harringrove in action 

We know what they're like 

Billy is kind of a slut

He's insane

And he brings out ALL of Steve’s competitive side 

They fight all the time with like a grossly sexual overtone to it yk

Steve is a soft, attentive, almost coddling dom 

Billy is a feral, smoldering, stupid horny dom 

They’re both so charming like jfc

They butt heads a lot, a small part of which is thinly veiled sexual tension

But there’s no one better to take out their thinly veiled sexual tension on than you

They work each other up through vaguely erotic competitive bullshit and then once they’re both really fired up, they turn their attention on you

Sometimes they fight over you

Who knows your body better

Who can make you cum faster

Who can make you cum harder

So of course they have to settle it with you in the middle 

All their focus is on making you cum as much and as hard and as many times as they can

And they both have plenty of experience in that area

They’ll also be completely caught up in how good you make them feel

That is the one thing they bond over

The one time they get along is when they’re getting you off

Steve and Eddie

We've also gotten to see steddie in action 

And when I tell you that they are both the flirtiest motherfuckers in existence 

Steve will have you blushing

Eddie will have you giggling 

They'll both have you a total horny mess 

Out of the three other them I think Steve and Eddie have the most opposite personalities 

So as stated in my steddie x reader headcanons they start off also very competitive but in a “wow I kinda hate this guy” way not in a shotgunning beer and seeing who can make you cum the fastest way like Billy and Steve

But oh my god they’ll bond real fucking fast over their mutual love for you 

More likely to tag team or take turns or pass you back and forth than go at you at the same time but they’ll still go at you at the same time once they get bored of that which will happen real fast 

They’re literally so caring too

They’re so attentive

If you are an attention whore they will actually be the death of you

If you’ve had a hard day you better believe Stevie will pull your back to his chest and have you sit all cozy on his cock while Eddie gives you head until you’re SHAKING

Steve might roll his eyes at Eddie’s nerd references and dramatic nature and eccentric tendencies

But he feels a deep camaraderie he knows is reciprocated when he and Eddie are both showering you with praise nonstop, making you squirm and whine and clench at their touch

And Eddie really feels like the playing field is level like this

With him, a social outcast, and Steve, the former king of their highschool working in tandem to make you cum until you’re so fucked out and overstimulated you can’t remember anything but your daddy and dungeon master

Billy and Eddie

HATE each other at first

After the initial "this buffoon is a monument to everything I hate" and "this guy?? I used to bully guys like this" 

I’m sure you can guess who says what

They both realize they actually have a lot of overlap with their taste in music

They start jamming out to metallica and ac/dc and motley crue and kiss

And they bond fast as fuck

They’re both so glad to have someone that they can not only talk to about music, but shares a ton of the same opinions and favorite songs????

Hell yeah!!!

They also realize they’re both very intense 

Billy’s is more fiery intensity 

Eddie’s is more passionate joie de vivre 

What do you expect he’s a manic pixie dream boy

And that intensity really solidifies that bond 

So when they team up

It’s less competition and more co conspiring

It’s also very good cop bad cop

Billy is a mean dom and Eddie is much softer

So while Billy is degrading you for taking Eddie’s cock so easily, Eddie is praising you for following Billy’s orders so well

A lot of whiplash

But definitely the good kind

Steve and Billy and Eddie

Aftercare kings

When you’re taking all three of them (which is a real feat)

Usually you have Billy in your mouth, Steve in your coochie/hands, and Eddie in your ass <3

Taking all of them at once is so much

But if you can handle it????

(which you can, they’ve trained you very well)

You will never ever ever want to go back

They are all dominant

They all have breeding kinks 

And they ALL love what a whore you are for them <3

Aftercare with all three of them is elite

They’re all naturally so good at aftercare, especially steve and eddie so they drag billy along with them yk

You have steve and eddie lying on either side of you with billy flopped on top of you pressing kisses to your face

You don’t know who’s kissing you, who’s caressing you, who’s playing with your hair or touching your neck but they’re all soft gentle loving touches from your boys and they fill you with the best feeling ever

You can feel all their hearts beating with yours, and they have you in this cozy little oven of warmth generated from your body heat mixing together 

They work so well together 

In and out of the bedroom

To make sure you feel loved and attended to all the time

You and Eddie go to Steve and Billy’s basketball games

You and Billy and Steve go to Eddie’s shows at the hideout 

You and Eddie and Billy surprise Steve at work

And they will all surprise you at work or your things yk

And jesus fucking christ you had scary dog privelages with one of them

All three???? At once????

You’ve never felt safer

Which is good because they do keep you safe

They’re good at keeping you safe and taking great care of you

And you take just as great care of them just by existing

They really do love you so fucking much

#steddingrove #steddingrove x reader #poly steve x billy x eddie #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things x reader smut #steve harrington smut #billy hargrove smut #eddie munson smut

[jemgirl86]

Who knows if the shit is even actually “bad,” because

1: Half the time y’all aren’t even the target market for it anyway, so why do you have such a loud and vicious opinion

2: It’s just trendy to talk about how “awful” it is, and y’all love nothing more than to hop on a trend, so your motivations in the discussions at hand can’t even be trusted

AND

3: For some reason, nobody wants to ever BFFR about what certain things are or are even meant to be, so now I have to hear a bunch of people essentially complaining about their apple not tasting like an orange every five minutes

And now I’m put in the ridiculous position of defending a dude I don’t even like because people are mad at him about a song he didn’t even write, because he *checks notes* caused the downfall of Disney by writing some songs that would’ve been rated a solid 9.5 on Kidz Bop American Bandstand any day of the week because they have a good beat and kids love nothing more than dancing to them??? I’m sorry, people cannot be this stupid 😭😭😭

Folks mad because the MCU isn’t churning out Seven Samuri level work, and crying about an animated movie not having a soundtrack on par with Abbey Road, while simultaneously pretending that the MCU hasn’t always had hits and misses and animated movies haven’t always had some objectively good songs and some songs that made a lot of people want to stick their heads in ovens. LMAOOOO please fucking spare me your outrage, and for the love of God just watch something else! And by all means, don’t listen to the song aimed at 7 year olds if you’re 27. JFC

[stargirlfics]

Not to keep talking about the bear buuuut I wanna hate fuck Richie saur bad. Like just imagine getting up in his face and the tension is rising and you can both feel it but you find each other so annoying! Eventually fucking nasty on the floor or something because you two couldn’t get to a bed fast enough. And the w(hole) time he’s drilling your shit he’s talking mad shit, degrading you about how you needed his dick to set you straight 😵‍💫😮‍💨😩

YES! God you always get me! The braincell is strong!

Cause when I say I watched that scene of Richie and Sydney getting in each others faces in the kitchen right before she stabs him so many times lol 🤭 I wanna piss him off so bad he gets in my face like that jfc

The level of irritation is astronomical for both of you but you’re also practically eye fucking each other at the same time helpppp

I wanna make a bunch of smartass comments until he’s had enough and oop now I’m face down getting my guts rearranged and he’s talking about how I’m such a fucking brat, can’t go two seconds without needing him to fuck me stupid 🥵

Also LOL “w(hole) time” trulyyyy because in this moment I’m but a hole and he can set me straight however he wants! The soft mocking/degradation dirty talk would have you in shambles I know it in my soul like I just know Richie is filthy about it!

#ily bestie <3 thank you for this it’s rent free now! #richie jerimovich thots

[storiesofsvu]

haapy thursday...

law and order AND criminal mind spoilers under the cut! (criminal mind at the very end and very easy to skip over)

Thank god for these recaps because I forget ninety percent of what happens on OC because I just do not care lololoolol.

Where do I know this motherfucker from? (duran) (ouat… that’s where)

Uuggggghhh we’re gonna have to deal with MORE UC Elliot?! Fuck this

LOOL she’s a CI, fucking new there was something off about her. Like yeah, she’s still a criminal but cooperating lol.

I feel like this approach to getting in is literally the worst. Why would this fuck ever trust anyone who just randomly walks up to him in a bar with a duffle of money?! Like that’s CLEARLY a fucking cop. I know there’s the pretense of “killing kevin” shit but still… I would not believe

Uggh Elliot shut the fuck up, stop taking this out on Jamie….

I don’t trust this other boss dude, not one bit… I feel like literally everyone on this show is out to get Ayanna and fuck up her life like… can she just be left in peace for ONCE pls.

And immediately after I say that Elliot goes behind her back and groups up the squad into a secret operation without her permission or even opinion on it. Like, he really doesn’t understand that she OUTRANKS him right?! Like could you IMAGINE if Velasco or muncy pulled that crap on olivia?! They’d be out of a job. Like… even with Duarte, who is *not* part of her squad, but a level below as a lieutenant, she got all attitudey “the next word out of your mouth better be followed by a ‘captain’.” Like…cmon… I get that this is meloni’s show, but like, have some fucking respect for your boss??

Whyd they make sure a big deal out of this girl and the police reveal on elliots behalf if SHE’S ALREADY A CI?? SHES ALREADY WORKING WITH THE COPS!??

LOOOOLLL the look on bell’s face when Jamie took her coffee. PLEASE. M’am’s about to smack a bitch

Kay. So… you’re telling me you’re looking for duran… and you HAVENT checked with the daughter’s house?? (or is this all a rouse?)

Is she *not* a CI? I’m so fucking confused.

Jfc the disgust face I made when she kissed him, fuck this

Yeah man, im with Jamie on this….

Okay, update from last week now that imdb is updated… elliot’s therapist IS the same actor as fin’s rope/tide guy. Fucking KNEW IT.

Mothership time..

Oooo! LOVING the blue on kate!!

Callback to the SHOES! YES! Something that Chicago pd taught me was to look for the shoes cause they can’t dump them or change them like they can a coat/hoodie. I knew he had red ones!

He’s an upper east side prep school kid and the judge REALLY went for a mere $2mill?? Jfc

Is sam going to actually get to do this one on her own for once?? Pls…

Aawweeee sam my beeebeeeee…. Let me HUG YOU PLS. im thankful for more insight into her background now

Jfc… nolan’s “excuse me?” when sam brings up the rich white kid comment? Go fuck yourself. BLESS mccoy for stepping in and defending her and agreeing, give her some damn respect fuck.

Vic had THIS many *severe* injuries and the perp only has a broken wrist/hand whatever, and we’re seriously claiming self defence? That’s going WAY overboard bestie

Okay I called being under the influence as a defence plea at the beginning… but god what a fucking dick move just because you know you’ve lost the self defence plea. Ugh.

 Okay…they bought dabs at like, 11pm? And the murder happened at like what 6am? Like obvi he could’ve been smoking all night as he wandered around and threw rocks but still.. this is fuckign bull

They’re saying he LEGALLY ingested it, yet he’s 18 & the legal age is 21, so there’s THAT and then there’s the fact that his FRIEND was the one who bought it with his weed card, NOT him.

NOLAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU JUST WANT TO THROW SAM UNDER THE BUS CAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO TAKE THE FALL FUCK YOU.

I was LITERALLY about to say “why is every week of this show the old white lawyer and cop being fucking stupid and the poc characters having to be all ‘smarten up bruh’,” and THEN THAT HAPPENED. Fuck.

At least mccoy has her back.

Okay back to raging about Nolan… like.. this just makes it look like a personal vendetta. Change it out to the female poc lawyer leading the case, the one who you know is already having an emotional week and taking the case a little bit too hard. So if she gets emotional in the courtroom or whatever it’s because “she’s a woman” if she crosses a line its because she’s biased to the poc vic. Like FUCK this. Sam gets treated like shit and tossed into the ditch every goddamn week of this show I s2g, she deserves better.

Still mad at Nolan but overall that ep was WAY more entertaining and interesting than any other one ive seen. Doesn’t hurt that it was a very sam focussed one…

Time for SVU

Velasco coming in clutch with the cozy coat collection yet again

Bx9 has literally been around for YEARS, like we’ve seen them in so many previous seasons, and liv has been in svu the entire time, she’s worked bx9 cases before, how tf would she have not known/realized this shit earlier?

Fin getting stuck doing literal managerial work and absolutely hating it is peak comedy

Muncy going after Duarte… mood

We’re…really letting muncy out there on her own… this seems like bad news…

God this is fucking heartbreaking…

Still not sure if I trust or like Duarte…

I get this guys in the hospital but why is he not cuffed to the bed.. like..bruh is gonna RUN otherwise.

All of this “let them get settled” “tell her to come in tomorrow” “give them some peace” GURL PLS WE ALL KNOW THAT THEY’LL BE DEAD BY THEN…

THAT’S Oscar papa…. He’s a fucking twink…

Literally anyone could’ve seen that shanking coming… cmon… that’s been the theme tonight. Way too obvious foreshadowing..

Okay… so after all of that… it wasn’t actually Oscar papa?

Oh, okay, so they let this perp get dressed?? Lolololol

Im sorry… on what grounds do they have to arrest him? This is just based off what the other guy said? See… if we were going to do a three ep arc of this shit, and there’s still one left, could we not have wrapped up with some personal shit, the team out for drinks? Sonny going home to the girls?? Olivia maybe popping in to see how noah’s doing?? And then leave the arresting Oscar to the beginning of next week?

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.

.

.

.

.

to briefly touch on criminal minds as well because i yelled out loud and scared my roomate lololol.

last week was SO fucking good, like they fed us so well and then this week wtf was that!? the bomb going off, we knew from the promo jj would be relatively ok, but not luke. i KNOW their team is small so having one of them in the hospital would throw things off but like, at least one of them could be a little bloodied up, a little consequences once in a while would be nice and not just a jump scare (i cant think of the proper saying but you get my drift)

i never really shipped garcia & luke, so i'm not super mad about the tyler thing. do think its weird for garcia to be so hot and cold, like she refused to be in the same room as him and now she's (secretly) helping him out and giving him a place to stay and all that? i get that now he's out free cause he wasn't an unsub, and there's that sympathy over the dead sister and her being able to relate to it over her parents but it still seems super off. (and yes, i do think that it was incredibly dumb and irresponsible of the entire fbi team to be all "yeah, your sister's dead, sorry, BAI!" like, they shouldve asked if he had somewhere to go, a friend to talk to, anything...)

what I AM *very* mad about is rebecca & tara. we're introduced in the first ep to rebecca, and finally have some queer representation on the show (and played by a queer actor too!--presumably?? i dont know if its ever been legitimately confirmed?) for us to BARELY see them together, NEVER see them at home together (no matter how briefly they lived together). just to break them up?? like, don't get me wrong, i can see why what happened would cause a fight in their relationship, but even tara could go in and explain that at the time of the original case, she wouldve believed it too, that they had more evidence now and rebecca isn't at fault or some shit like that... why do we always have to kill our gays!? it's getting fucking old and im not here for it.

rest of the ep was meh? did love they got the jet back though. hoping next week is better.

#law and order spoilers #criminal minds spoilers #spoilers #law and order svu #svu #law and order #law and order oc #law and order organized crime #criminal minds #criminal minds evolution #criminal minds evolution spoilers

[elganac]

are you really not gonna talk more about handler / hound ( will i ever rmb the actual au name ) aito , leah & alison ?? are you really ???

( lemme ramble about a muse; not accepting! )

           WELL!!! since you insist — yes i will absolutely ramble about aito, leah, and alison in hound/handler verse aka spy verse aka crime verse aka — you know, i’ve never really pinned down a good genre for this verse because there’s just so many layers to it, but we’ll settle with spy verse since everyone im about to talk about are technically considered trained agents and spy verse is a more general term that more people can get behind than handler/hound ( though i think handler/hound sounds pretty badass anYWAY — )

          can i just say i adore alison in this verse just because of how much power she actually has??? like, maybe it’s a little mary sue for me to give her so much power and make her so perfect but i honestly dont give a shit lmAO this is a rare verse in which alison isn’t traumatized by events that happened in canon ( though, i can’t say her mental health is really any better considering all the shit’s she’s seen as an agent and how the agency treats her overall ), so her personality is drastically different, and you bet your ass i’m gonna make my best girl into a badass. like, why would i not??? alison is so put together, elegant, and strong in this verse, and pushing her to her limits in this verse is always exciting to do because it really challenges her. she’s considered a veteran agent due to how long she’s been with the agency, and considering how she’s basically signed her soul away to her work for at least a few more years until she can retire and finally get married, she’s really been worked to the bone and has become so jaded over time. 

          i really love the canon relationship she has with her fiancé, eden, as well. it’s taken so much development to reach the point in which their relationship is at canonically for this verse, so i’d really love for more chances for alison to gush about her hubby to be since really, she’s so ready to fall in love and start a new life with her boo and away from soma. like, her job gives her such a sense of purpose but jfc soma is so corrupt as an agency that there’s only so much more alison can deal with before she burns out. really walking a thin line each and every day she comes into office, and with every mission she gets dispatched out for, there’s always some sort of risk. not to mention all the strings she has to pull to carry out her assignments. it’s tough being a badass bitch!!!

          leah and aito are new additions to this verse in comparison to alison, but i feel like they’ve caught up in terms of development since i’ve been able to flesh out aito and leah’s dynamic through some interactions with mutuals ( mwah <3 ) leah and aito very much have a sibling dynamic, and leah really is ride or die for aito. because of leah’s rough upbringing ( which is classified to most within the agency ), it’s difficult for her to form healthy attachments, but her bond with aito is something really special and it compels her to do her best for him each and every day ( even if she does get herself into some stupid shit sometimes ). leah is also very powerful, but she’s also not exactly human anymore so ,,, a different level of comparison when it comes to alison, who is indeed still human. 

        i think what i love about leah as a hound is the fact that she really will literally do anything to win a fight, which makes her incredibly terrifying since that means she’s willing to destroy herself first before backing down. it’s a big pride thing, but also the fact she’s an experiment makes her feel like she’s invincible, or close to invincible. i really feel like the only reason leah has any ounce of self control is because of aito; if aito was in danger, all bets are off. she’s gonna save him no matter what, because aito was the one who saved leah in the first place. so she already feels like she owes him her life. 

          aito plays a pretty background role in comparison to leah and alison since he doesn’t really get in on any field action by choice, but his connection with leah really does make him a respected figure within soma since aito is probably one of two people ( the other being alison ) who can keep leah on a tight leash and keep her from acting out worse than she normal. of course, leah’s still trying to have fun, so sometimes even aito cant keep her from finding random boyfriends and flirting, but so long as leah’s not getting hurt or about to fight someone else for no reason, there’s no harm, right? 

#i didnt proofread this good luck #( verse ) spy #answered; #renran

[lesbians4akihayakawa]

Just found out that laying and lying aren’t the same thing y’all what the FUCK

#jfc I know I’m stupid but THIS LEVEL OF STUPID???? #i just... what the fuck #i hate english #fuck fuck fuck #why #this is the bad place #delete later #shitpost #tw caps

[kingkatsuki]

Why are u policing tags it’s tumblr it’s a creative space. Y’all make it way less fun to be here when y’all put all these fucking stupid rules around who can tag what, what can be posted blah blah. Just fucking write. Besides you get 7373849494 notes on your shit with NO tags. So why are you complaining? Let us make our art in peace and tag it how we want FUCK you’re kind of a bully sometimes kats

You write killer shit but u upset a LOT of people. OFTEN.

Be well.

The only people upset are the people abusing the tags?

Do you understand the hurt that some of my followers go through when their fics do poorly and get drowned in the x reader tags by shit that doesn’t belong there?

There’s genuinely so many tags you could use. #bnha thirst #bnha thirsts #mha thirsts #mha thirst #*character* thirst and yet you’re spamming the tags with your “creativity” and “art”.

At no point did I say I was ungrateful for my notes or that my shit does well, but when I read a fic that’s over 30K (so far) that barely has 200 notes? Of course I’m going to be annoyed that Tumblr ain’t what it used to be.

And it’s funny cause I’m not the only person that feels this way? There’s so many other writers who are sick of the tags being a complete mess, a lot of them won’t even look through the main tags anymore because of what’s filling them.

I know how important tags are, I started with 0 followers just like you. But if the tags had been like this when I first started writing I guarantee I wouldn’t have the same blog today, and I definitely wouldn’t have the same notes.

Also just to clear it up, I never once said you can’t post what you wanna post. I post about Kiri’s boba cummies ffs, like it’s not a big deal. But you don’t see me tagging it main tags?😂

It’s your level of care for writers that astounds me the most. Jfc.

#the ‘let us make our art in peace’ almost fucking sent me 😂😂😂 #cause if it was art you wouldn’t be abusing the tags😭😭😭 #jo talks

[guqin-and-flute]

The Soup Incident [Episode 22]

Random Jin Guy: hey u know ur sister

WWX: everyone's mom? best person in the world? beset by terminal heterosexuality? rings a bell

LWJ: i'm sure this is more important than a war

Random Jin Guy: something happened with j

WWX: [overrunning other line] I MUST GO MY MEDDLING IS REQUIRED

Random Nie Guy: oop there he go

LWJ: wow this sounds serious

WWX: what horrors will i find what trauma will this compound what cruelty will i be met with also how did i know exactly where to go

WWX: OH. YOU.

JZX: gross

JYL: oh an audience perfect i'm sure this will de-escalate things

WWX: can we solve this with castration? tell me we can

JYL: no thanks i'd still like the option if it's all the same to u

WWX: it's not let me remove his body parts

JZX: like i'd let u near me u classless hellion

JYL: listen life hasn't been like the greatest lately had a lot of shitty carriage rides i'd like things to chill out and by things i mean namely u in this moment can we go now pls i have an appointment to cry into my pillow that i'm missing

WWX: omg noooo i'll behave i'm here to support u i'll be impartial

JYL: i don't believe that for a single second tho hun

WWX: impartial to how mUCH BLOOD I'M GONNA GET EVERYWHERE HOW IS IT  EVERY TIME I SEE UR STUPID FACE I HATE U MORE fuck u u piece o shit

JYL: and there it is

JZX: [angry sleeve flap of disdainful eloquence]

WWX: wtf

JYL: yeah he's good at those

JYL: honey ur not helping urself here he beat the shit out of u BEFORE he marinated in dark energy for 3 months pls use ur words and ur brain

WWX: WAT DID UR SLEEVE SAY TO ME BITCH

JYL: can we just go pls i like to not be reminded of exactly how much stupid i willingly allow into my life

WWX: but shijie M U R D E R

JYL: inexplicably i still want to marry him so no thank u

JZX: oh look mianmian's here

MM: u fuckin bet i am u dipshit

WWX: wtaf is wrong with him

MM: ok listen LISTEN i know i feel u trust me

JZX: time to return to the arrogance corner

WWX: UR YOUNG MASTER'S A BITCH

JYL: a-xian  n o

MM: no he totally is u right

JYL: well then he's MY bitch :(

MM: why do i bother to stay up late to practice conversations with u if u don't bother to try all that time wasted am i supposed to cover for u now?

JZX: bold of u to assume u can but go for it still don't know why tf ur all here just wanna eat my soup

WWX: HEY I HAVE A FUN GAME IT'S CALLED HOW MUCH OF CHENQING CAN WE FIT INTO JIN ZIXUAN quick someone pick an orifice

JYL: gross

MM: tempting

LWJ: oh hey i'm here now i walk slow oh shit the nice jiang is crying who would hurt the nice jiang?

MM: ok so u know how ur sister makes soup?

JYL: i never really stop it's a little pathological at this point maybe i should talk to someone...

LWJ: oh more heterosexual antics wei ying's achilles heel best wait outside thank god Xichen is mostly functional and gay as the day is long

MM: so she makes soup right? 2 goes to you chuckleheads and the third goes to emporer perpetual foot-in-mouth over here

JZX: [buffering]

MM: jfc why do i even try

WWX: DID HE INSULT UR  S O U P ?!

JYL: sorta i am soup and soup is me

MM: so anyway

JZX: [overrunning previous line] HOLD UP I THOUGHT RANDOM SERVANT NUMBER 62 BROUGHT ME THE SOUP THAT'S NATIVE TO YUNGMENG WHERE MY EX-FIANCE GREW UP

WWX: ur in love with an idiot

JYL: i'm in love with an idiot

MM: I STG UR HEAD IS FILLED WITH JUST HAIRBALLS AND LINT HOW ARE U STILL BREATHING

MM: SHE MAKES SOUP. SHE'S THE SOUP LADY. ASK PEOPLE WHAT THEY THINK OF  WHEN U SAY YANLI AND THEY'LL SAY KINDNESS. A N D  S O U P . and her murder-brothers but that's not the point rn

JZX: ...u made me soup

MM: i'm so fucking sorry pls marry him i need a competent woman to hang around with i'm getting dumber by the day

WWX: seriously this guy u love this guy?

JYL: xianxian pls romantic idiocy runs in our family it's practically traditional

JYL: i mean...yes i have 2 coping mechanisms; soup and crying neither of them are working rn tho help i don't unlock righteous fury until level 25

JZX: wow she made me soup

WWX: of course she made u soup  u human inner-thigh chafe show us the flashback mianmian

MM: [off screen] oh yeah that roll the tape jeeves

[ENTER FLASHBACK]

JYL: i made u soup bb

JZX: ur not servant number 62 go fuck urself

JYL: wut

[END FLASHBACK]

WWX: NO FURTHER QUESTIONS UR HONOR

Random Jin Guy Who Brought Wuxian: perhaps this was a [cursive writing] Mistake™

JZX: ouchie i can twirly fight countless puppets can't dodge a punch of the life of me cultivation jesus that's gonna leave a mark

JYL: GOD I WISH THIS WAS MORE CATHARTIC how does this always happen? who raised this kid? oh right me

Group of Random Jin Guards: we are all well intentioned but ultimately expendable extras fear us

Random Jin Guard: UNHAND HIM FIEND

WWX: cool imma write u a song it's called Don't Care Didn't Ask Gonna Kill Everyone In This Tent Over Soup in b flat tootly toot here comes the murder flute

Random Jin Guards attacked by resentful energy: [keyboard smash]

LWJ: wait hold on that's his shit starting music has shit been started?? wEi YiNg

WWX: are u prepared for the journey i'm about to send u on little man

JZX: i'm actually good here thanks

[unintelligible teenage screaming]

MM: HEY LISTEN U CAN'T DO THAT MURDER IS BAD and i still like him i sympathize but like...u can't

WWX: the semi corporeal black smoke demons that sublet my soul tell me that it's fine sooo

JYL: a-xian if u kill him now i will have put up with so much bs for n o t h i n g

LWJ: take a deep breath us ur words what in the actual hell is going on

WWX: fuck u ur not my therapist

LWJ: u do not have a therapist never has someone so clearly NOT had a therapist except maybe jiang cheng

WWX: SOUP MURDER IS GOING ON

LWJ: wut

JYL: pls understand it's just as dumb as you think

LWJ: ... i refuse to let soup related crimes of passion be something my future husband is known for u stop that

WWX: THEN I'M LEAVING

LWJ: wow

JYL: we're both in love with idiots

JZX: am i still gonna keep getting soup?

[this is a thing i do sometimes so if you would like to see more...]

Scene suggested by @nagisachan1​!! (I’m so sorry I forgot to tag/credit you when I posted this!)

#my stuff #cql crack #has the word soup lost its meaning for anyone else yet? #the transcript for this is saved under 'i'm at soup.docx' #brief summary #not so brief #oh well #I swear i'm working on the episode 4 one it's giving me HASSLES #please ignore the fact that I spelled emperor wrong i do that about half the time anyway #my edit

[alirhi]

Loki ranting

Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.

BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂

So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...

For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.

Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.

When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.

Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol

Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!

So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.

So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.

Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".

Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.

Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.

So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.

And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!

Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.

Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.

Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)

In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.

At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)

Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD

Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!

I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.

The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD

I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.

What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.

And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.

Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)

So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."

I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.

The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.

This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.

The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.

In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?

And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?

Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.

Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?

Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.

Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.

#loki #loki spoilers #loki series #loki negativity #loki hate #thor 2011 #the dark world #ragnarok #the avengers #infinity war #endgame #fuck sylvie #fuck marvel #fuck disney #this show sucked #ragepost #rant #long post #ali is angry

[fannishcodex]

So I really thought Jamack and Boom Boom and co. were gonna be like: “JFC getting caged up and prodded and the needles and Emilia were awful”

And Hugo/Scarlemagne would overhear and was gonna be like, flat and bitter: “Oh wow, never heard that before.”

And Jamack and Boom Boom and the captured co. would just suddenly go “oh” and fully realize key parts of Hugo/Scarlemagne’s backstory and have a way better understanding of where the hell he was coming from, and feel more sympathy for him and bond with him and get him to talk more about what he went through and help him process it better, and be willing to help him. And Jamack and co. are like super horrified that Hugo/Scarlemagne endured what they went through way longer and endured it since he was born, as a child, that was his childhood; and they would be like, “ohwow no wonder you got so messed up.” It was bad enough for them, and they’re all adults (maybe K-Pop narwhal is a teen?); they can’t fathom enduring it as a child, and from since you were born. They’re super horrified Hugo went through what they just experienced but no one ever came for him, no one ever saved him like they got saved. It would particularly eat at Jamack because he kept the others’ spirits up by telling them that Kipo would come for them, and she did--but no one came for Hugo. And they would be even more horrified that Hugo went through what they suffered through all alone, he had zero other fellow mute lab subjects to even lean on for some support. Jamack and Boom Boom and co. would know it would’ve been worse if they didn’t have each other and had been experimented on in isolation.

And while Hugo/Scarl would be initially kinda overwhelmed by Boom Boom’s new fear of needles because it’s Hitting Very Close to Home, he becomes very sympathetic to them because it Hits Very Close to Home and he’s terrified of needles too, he gets it, so he tries to help Boom Boom, and Boom Boom tries to help him, and they both help each other.

Imagine one side of mutes being like uncomfortable with Hugo/Scarlemagne and wanting his apology and wanting him to make up for what he did, and another side of mutes with Jamack and Boom Boom and co. being like “he had every reason to freak out” and being more positively supportive of Hugo/Scarlemagne and trying to directly help him with his trauma over being Emilia/DNA Burrow’s lab experiment, and they’re like the first ones to ever do that for him.

Imagine a callback to Hugo/Scarlemagne’s public apology with Jamack like cornering Zane. (Thanks to @lemonadesoda for some inspiration on this.)

Jamack: Hey, if you’re sticking around, go the f*ck to the great hall place thing and apologize to Hugo for helping Emilia experiment on him.

Zane: ...Um, I was only following orders--

Jamack: GO APOLOGIZE.

More under the cut:

And later just like:

Jamack: Wait, Zane, shut up, before you say anything else-- *passes Hugo/Scarlemagne a plate of pancakes and fruit*

Hugo/Scarlemagne: Jamack, I’m actively having a stupid panic attack over being in the same room as Zane, I have zero appetite, you do realize I only ever saw him when Emilia was around or for some other horrible thing like sticking needles into me or when they were harvesting my pheromones, he’s not even as worse as Emilia and I’m still stupidly freaking out--

Jamack: It’s not for eating, it’s for throwing. The others threw junk at you before, you should get to do the same with Zane too.

Hugo/Scarlemagne: *is overcome with emotion and just drops the plate and hugs Jamack*

Jamack: *is keenly reminded of Kipo and it really hits him that Hugo and Kipo are siblings, and he awkwardly hugs back because he’s doing better but still unused to stuff like this and didn’t expect Hugo/Scarl to break down like this* O-okay how about Boom Boom and the others throw food at Zane for you, would that be okay--?

Hugo/Scarlemagne: That’sfinethankyousomuch.

Jamack: You bet. You guys ready?

Zane: What the f-- *gets covered in pancakes and such after Boom Boom and co. start enthusiastically and angrily throwing food at him*

Jamack: Okay Zane, go ahead. Apologize to Hugo now.

Omfg imagine Jamack and co. trying that with Lio and Song.

Jamack: Hey Song, happy for you and Kipo--well, mostly Kipo--but have you talked to your son since you got all un-megafied? You know, after he tried helping you communicate with the others andthat’sbecauseyouturnedyourselfintoamegabutthat’sawholeotherdiscussion.

Song: ...Not yet, it’s been a lot right now, things have been happening so fast--

Jamack: Haha okay so I’ve learned by now that’s not a phrase you should ever use with Hugo again, so don’t. C’mon, you need to apologize to him.

Kipo: Um, Jamack--

Jamack: It’s fine, burrow girl. You had Hugo apologize to the others, but he needs some apologies too.

Kipo: But Mom--

Jamack: And your dad.

Kipo: Well, Dad apologized already...kinda....

Jamack: Well Hugo’s apologized, and he’s kept apologizing, and he keeps actively doing something to make up for what he did, it’s been a process for him. Your dad could stand to do a little more too as an ongoing process.

Kipo: But why Mom--

Jamack: Look, Kipo, your parents meant well...I guess...but they still experimented on Hugo before. Like even after Hugo’s apologies and him trying to be better, the others still get to be somewhat bothered by what he did before. It’s kinda the same thing--Hugo can still be upset with your parents experimenting on him even if they’ve changed orsothey’vesaid.

Kipo: When you put it that way....

Jamack: And if I’m understanding this right--sorry burrow girl, but your family history’s just screwed up on multiple levels--your parents could’ve tried immediately escaping with Hugo right after the formula mutated him, right? Like Emilia didn’t suspect a thing. They had just realized they couldn’t continue with the “regress mutes” project. But they stayed to try to find another way for humans to live on the surface--as opposed to just going up there and actually trying and talking to us like you did--and that led to them just mutating you too, right? And they kept Hugo confined and told him to be quiet and that must’ve screwed with his mind, even if they meant well. But again, maybe that could’ve been avoided if they had left with him as soon as they decided they were done with trying to revert mutes.... Anyway after everything, they never got him out of the shitty situation that they were complicit in, for all their promises and “epiphanies.” They never made up for what they did to Hugo.

Kipo: ...I’ll get Dad.

Jamack: Thanks Kipo, that’d be great, I’ve been meaning to get ahold of him too--hey, Lio, you still haven’t visited Hugo at all, have you?

Lio: ...No....

Jamack: And we had a few slow months of just searching for Emilia and IdunnowhywehadtwomegamutesdoityouthinkthatwouldmakeiteasyforEmiliatoseethemcomingandgivehertimetorunbutthat’sagainanotherdiscussion so you could’ve--you know--ha ha, I wouldn’t say things were happening too fast that time, and you were the one to save him after all. Like, that must’ve been so confusing for him; you finally saved him, but then you just don’t see him for months afterward and kinda just leave him in a cage again--

Ahhh Later Later

Jamack: Hey so Hugo’s recovering but he’s well enough to take some visitors now, so Greta, come here, we’re gonna throw some pancakes and junk at you in front of Hugo--might cheer him up a little--and then you’re gonna apologize to him for helping Emilia with--

Greta: I like pancakes!

Jamack: Boom Boom, give the pancakes to Troy and Benson, we’re just gonna use apples this time.

And later later later

Jamack: Kipo, please tell me you didn’t get Emilia too.

Kipo: Fun-Gus took her...pretty sure she’s not gonna last long...either Fun-Gus is gonna suffocate her by accident or something or she’s gonna...off herself somehow, I don’t think she’d want to handle Fun-Gus for long...

Jamack: Ohthankgods Boom Boom and the gang were just gonna throw nectar bombs at her and be done with it if it came to that.

Just Jamack and Boom Boom and Hugo/Scarlemagne and the others should’ve bonded and become the “Humans Experimented on Us and It Sucked” support group, and most of them should’ve come together to help the guy most harmed by Emilia and also become the “Hugo/Scarlemagne Defense Squad.”

And of course Hugo/Scarl should’ve been saved in every way.

#kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #kataow #hugo oak #scarlemagne #jamack

[mannatea]

all right, it’s time for the eagle and lion battle thing.

i keep forgetting about dimitri fjghhh

he’s the lowest leveled loser

the funniest thing about this cutscene is how loud dimitri would have to scream to be heard by these other houses jfhghhh

well that was easy..... only had one loss (ingrid, because edelgard decided to obliterate her) so not too bad. and it’s on easy mode anyway so NO losses JFKLDSJFDSKAFJSD 

manuela is comin on strong jfldsjfhd

oh, i love passing tf out for no reason, great, makes me look super stronk

love seeing baddie arundel wandering about free and alive

thank god for sothis or the game’s dialogue would be so dead all the time lmffjdslfdhs

i’m being obliterated with supports all at once, jfc... lorenz.....ur an idiot

aLSO you know what’s REAL CRUEL?! making me choose between shamir and catherine for this stupid quest. I LOVE THEM BOTH OKAY

but catherine.............is better

“thank you, dedue! you really have a kind heart.” annette ur such a sweetheart i can’t stand it

ingrid and dimitri’s C was pretty good. i like that they seem uhhh well adjusted lmfao

“OK fine! i’m brIBing YOU!” annette, sweetie.......just get dirt on felix and blackmail him like everyone else! also this is funny because her bringing it up just like, ensures he’s NOT forgetting anything

“do we have a deal?” “no thanks” FJHDSLFHDSAKFHLDSAFKLDSA FELIX... well at least it was polite and not a “fuck no”

only an idiot like felix would memorize her impromptu tune but listen, if i was annette i would die on the spot to have that shit spoken back to me

“you’re a villain!” i mean you knew that already right?

THE EVILEST OF VILLAINS

annette my dear, take a page from byleth’s book and just take every comment straightfaced

“the bullies in her head” annette needs therapy too

felix please be nice to annette she is very sensitive ok

#manna plays fe3h

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hi! A fan of your writing here. I just love the way you write Caroline. An Avoidable Heart is my comfort fic and I am constantly in awe with the way you write and craft the dynamics in that story. Caroline's inner monologue is just priceless and God! I just love that intro scene where Caroline is walking into the Mikaelson compound with vampires and hybrids in the surrounding ready to pounce on her.

I would love to hear how you would have visualized Caroline crossing over into TO or not? Like in what season and why? How it would have likely gone?

Thank you!

First of all lovely anon gimme a moment to breathe, asdfghjkl why are people so lovely 😭😭🥺✨ It means sooo much to me that you’d take the time to jump into my inbox and send these kind words, like please I’m not worthyyyyy, But you make me smile and feel really freaking warm so *handcuffs your hand to mine* you aint leaving 💖✨💞🙃

But OK ALSO oh my god dude THAT CAROLINE WALTZS INTO THE COMPOUND AND TAKES ON A COUPLE HUNDRED VAMPIRES BY HERSELF SCENE???? Ughhhhh I’m sorry but I have SUCH a boner for Caroline in that, like my badass -I admit kinda op- QUEEN IS HERE and she’s fucking shit up, I’m sorry but I love that scene so much it’s so dear to me I was killing myself over how self-indulgent and grossly Over powered Caroline is but like idgaf man it’s such a hot scene and Caroline is practically invincible and we just love to see that, so seriously lovely anon, you telling me you LOVE that scene??? Puts the biggest smile on my face and reassures me a LOT bc I was whining and cribbing over how absolutely unbalanced that scene is to literally everyone BUT LIKE YOU JUMPING OUT OF NOWHERE and pointing that exact scene UGHH…...meant to fucking be the both of us 💖💞✨

And ALSO Caroline’s monologue is quite honestly the easiest inner monologue out of the three voices I wrote for that work, Klaus’s is the real pain in the ass tbvh like it is NOT easy writing pretentious besotted losers with a Kardashian complex especially when you need to make them sound cool when they’re the lamest OP dude bros to ever exist - and no I don’t hate Klaus although I seem to try my darndest to convince ppl I do- I just personally believe that a feral fucker like that with a thousand years of existence under his belt can grow a pair and graduate from his kindergarten level of emotional maturity to adult sometime soon, But then on the flipside he’s so grossly adorkably smitten and feral for Caroline plus hella horny for her all the time that its usually easy to write the trashed and devoted idiot he is into something pretentious and powerful and potent when relating to his unflappable arrogance and his narcissism, but sometimes I also need him to be *deep* and ffs profound for the sake of the plot and jfc my muse just wont work with me on that, she’s like I’m sorry I’m not about to bust my ass to make this mongrel intelligible like no sir all I wanna do is make him uncomfortably horny for Caroline and leave him like that.

So smh yeah the struggle is real….but lmao Caroline is just so precious and fiercely protective and just so achingly lonely in that story, so desperate for connection and trust and intimacy yet so guarded and impervious to everyone like it hurts me to write her like that but it really challenges me as an author to balance out her inherent light with the “void” I create in her and through her, so yeah it’s a very fulfilling task and I wouldnt change it one bit, and also I had to balance out her physical op-ness w half a millennium of the ugliest emotional trauma lol so I guess that figures, but the point being….once again I am overjoyed knowing that you liked a facet of the story that I tried so hard to make as authentically Caroline and achingly real and moving as I can and I cannot possibly feel more accomplished than rn for it so ty ty ty ty for reaching out to me and telling me *tackle hugs* It makes me GIDDY knowing that you enjoyed that particular part of the story like ugh stab me please you're too sweet.

And ok NOW, coming to The Originals part of the ask, (also please note that when I say TO headcanon; Hope does not exist, Hayley is a dead in a ditch and ofc Klaus will stop being that lil bitch they tried to pawn off as Klaus in TO) 

HEADCANON 1

Honestly my biggest headcanon when it comes to TO crossovers somehow always include non-humanity!Caroline like it’s just so perfect to me?? The opportunity to make shit BLOW UP b/w them like imagine the DEBAUCHERY, the heat, the SEXUAL TENSION, the repression of one Klaus Mikaelson, the EXPLORATIONS, and omg the role reversal when Klaus has to be the voice of moral reason between them and not bc he believes Caroline would not be able to stand herself if she does something heinous and monstrous but bc he wants her to be completely and utterly herself, and yk *aware*, when she DECIMATES ppl to the ground and is in full-on predator mode, like he wants her monster to come out and play with him when no part of Caroline is locked away or suppressed, so obviously when she is w/o her humanity KLAUS exercises restraint on her behalf, like can you imagine that, Klaus restraining himself and being the vague, extremely broken and just largely inaccurate moral compass between the two of them for ALL the wrong reasons- and the entirety of NOLA just standing there watching him herd this baby vampire who seems to be intent on riling him up and angering him when all she is doing is giving him a massive hybrid hard on, like IMAGINE THE GOODNESS of non-humanity Caroline wrecking NOLA and Klaus letting her wreck it bc he is helpless in the face of Caroline Forbes and also bc he is quite honestly *enjoying* the debauchery himself so why put a damper on the festivities.

-I might wanna add that I favour this headcanon a lot bc I genuinely do not even remotely *like* the idea of NOLA as Klaus's chosen place to set his roots so like I would love Caroline going to NOLA and destroying everything there just bc I detest NOLA and the storyline behind it in TO. (yes is it petty? Obvi, but like I am a petty soul and I make no apologies ma’am)

HEADCANON 2

So yeah that’s my main TO headcanon, but my other one being, one I talk about very frequently, scream about in tag rants to an obsessive level, and like this is a cracky one but still very valid, where Caroline rolls up to NOLA humanity intact and all, finds Hayley preggo and is just laughing her fucking ass off bc anybody ANYBODY, with half a brain and a two minute convo w klaus would know how UTTERLY stupid the entire baby shit is especially when it’s with an immemorable one night stand, and Caroline’s just losing her shit about how like an entire city is obssessed w this baby and she just straight up tells Klaus he’d SUCK as a dad (which he really does tho like he was a shitty fucking dad canonically too) and Klaus is just like *sigh* girl tell me about it. I mean basically he’s finally relieved that someone is on his side about the whole baby thing and how he definitely does not want his entire millennium of life to finally sum up to this one squalling leaking stinky infant/unicorn Hayley is apparently baking in her oven, and I say this headcanon is cracky bc klaus would never have put up w this mess long enough for Caroline to come in and sort it out, there’s this preferred method of disposal of his called heart ripping that would've been employed quite early on and honestly saved us all a lot of brain cells and minused years of life, bc let’s be real any Klaus who’s NOT a lil snivelling bitch wearing a Klaus skinsuit would’ve yeeted the baby and the mama first chance he got, and that’s just how I see it.

Lmao I really hope I didnt scare you away w my *strong* opinions Ik they can be a bit much but I enjoy having them so theyre not going anywhere, anyways this ask answer got WAYYYY too long but I’m hoping I answered your question well with this or atleast left you slightly confused and bemused over my feral screaming....either ways I’m really really really happy to have got your ask and the chance to rant so much bs, Twas cathartic and honestly I had nothing to do today so I was more than happy to dish this baby out for you. Thank you so much sweet anon for putting a smile on my face today I am absolutely HONOURED by your words you’sa cutie 💖💞✨🗣🗣

#first of all #LONG POST #second #I did rant a LOTTTT more than what was prolly expected but lmao am I sorry? #no #anyway so those are my general drivel-tastic thoughts straight from glitter graveyard brain #hope you enjo navigating through so much bs anon #and I hope someone puts a smile on your face that's as large and bright as the one you've put on mine today #anon asks #ask certified ceraunophile #anti the orginals #tvd headcanons #tvd #klaroline #anon youre the sweetest #shakes hand cuffed hand #you stuck w me lovely #💞💞

[coeurvrai]

Hunt busied himself with pouring three cups, passing one to Quinlan first. “A drop of coffee in a cup of milk, just as you like it.”

“Asshole.” She swiped the mug. “I don’t know how you drink it straight.”

“Because I’m a grown-up.” Hunt passed the second mug to Ithan, whose large hands engulfed the white ceramic cup that said I Survived Class of 15032 Senior Week and All I Got Was This Stupid Mug.

Ithan peered at it, his mouth twitching. “I remember this mug.”

Hunt fell silent as Bryce let out a breathy laugh. “I’m surprised you do, given how drunk you were. Even though you were a sweet baby frosh.”

Ithan chuckled, a hint of the handsome, cocky male Hunt had heard about. “You and Danika had me doing keg stands at ten in the morning. How was I supposed to stay sober?” The wolf sipped from his coffee. “My last memory from that day is of you and Danika passed out drunk on a couch you’d moved right into the middle of the quad.”

“And why was that your last memory?” Bryce asked sweetly.

“Because I passed out next to you,” Ithan said, grinning now.

Bryce smiled, and damn if it didn’t do something to Hunt’s heart. A smile of pain and joy and loss and longing—and hope. But she cleared her throat, peering at the clock. “I need to get into the shower. I’ll be late for work.” With a swish of her hips, she padded down the hallway.

This would almost be cute if I wasn’t really disinterested in the whole dynamic, but dear god, at least it’s SOMETHING to indicate the friendship between Bryce and Ithan on some level. They still haven’t talked at all about how he had hurt Bryce or the fact that Ithan came to back Bryce up during the fight last book, which is something that you’d think would be really important for the both of them to get out there.

Also I’m rolling my eyes at Hunt referring to it as “a hint of the handsome, cocky male” like he LAUGHED, dude. At an obvious joke and reference Bryce was making. Just because someone is laughing at a memory doesn’t mean they’re trying to be cocky, JFC.

#sarah reads hosab #sarah reads cc #anti sjm #anti ccity #anti hosab #crescent city spoilers

[fandom-hoarder]

listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

#ask #@princessconsuelapark #stanford era #sam winchester #pre-stanford era #sam n dean #john winchester's a+ parenting #long post

[percontaion-points]

Handbook for Mortals chapter 2

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 2

“The line to say hello to you after your performance resembled an autograph signing by a boy band.”

The author making zero attempt to hide the fact that Zade is some kind of a special snowflake and worthy of all of the attention.

I stood up slowly and calculated, looking him square in the eye, which probably surprised him a bit, since he was at least six feet tall. I’ve always enjoyed the luxury of being a tall girl. I’m five foot nine inches and so while I don’t usually tower above any guys I know, I can definitely look them directly in the eye. Most girls who at five feet five inches (which, I believe, is an average height for a woman) have to look up. My height was an advantage that I never took for granted and here, again, I was happy that I didn’t have to look up to him—figuratively or literally. In heels I could even be as tall or taller than him and I’ve always loved that part about being the height I am.

I missed something here. Is she tall? I don't think that the narration tells us that she's tall. Do you think that she's tall?

Ugh, I'm reading Catch 22 on Patreon and this is the same level of repetitive bullshit.

“Listen, lady, I don’t know who else you worked for, but we don’t do that Lone Ranger stuff around here. I’m the technical director and in charge of everyone’s safety, no matter how stupid you want to be. You do what I say, and I keep your pretty self from getting hurt. Got it?”

[…]

“And you need to get some manners. I’m not showing you how it’s done, okay? If we have a problem I can go to another show where the technical director doesn’t have a God complex. I’m not a girl who needs a knight in shining armor.”

JFC you self-absorbed twatwaffle. It's everybody's business if somebody gets badly hurt or even fucking dies.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT “TRADE SECRETS”, IT'S ABOUT FUCKING SAFETY.

“Look. It was part of my deal, end of story. I didn’t know Joffrey Baratheon worked here now.”

This is a half-step removed from “everything I don't like is Hitler”.

I wondered if Mac even watched Game of Thrones, but hoped he would get my reference to the child king from the first two seasons who acted like, well, a child given power he didn’t deserve or know how to handle.

Oh boo-hoo. Somebody doesn't want you to fall to your death? HE IS EBUL I SAY!! EEEEEEBBBBBUUUUULLLL!!

I didn’t know if Mac was really a spoiled brat...

ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?!

He was facing the wall, but he spoke deliberately.

“Well, my dear. Tell me everything.”

Chapter 2 summary: Zade is exhausted following her drive up to Vegas, plus the actual audition. She still has paperwork to fill out, but sits down in a theater seat while she waits.

After a while, one of the stage hands, Cam, comes over and makes friendly chit-chat with her about how everybody seems eager to get to know her. After a while, one of the other stage hands, and possible romantic interest, Mac, comes over and tells Cam to get back to work.

Mac then turns to Zade and asks to know how her trick is done, if only so that proper safety measures can be taken care of, etc etc. It's a legitimate request, but Zade acts as if he's a KGB agent trying to extract state secrets. They get into a huge argument over the entire thing, which naturally draws the attention of everybody else. After Mac leaves, Zade calls him “King Joffrey” from Game of Thrones, but then wonders if Mac would “get the reference”.

After a while, the show manager/boss calls Zade and Mac over. He expresses how important it is for Zade to be safe, but Zade continues to act like a petulant child over the entire thing. Charles had previously agreed to not let anybody know about how she does her various tricks when he'd arranged for Zade to audition. Now he agrees that he'll be the only one who'll know how the trick is preformed, which doesn't exactly calm down Mac any. But he's the boss, so what can you do?

#Handbook for Mortals #chapter 02 #Zade #can we not? #HEADDESKING #bad writing is bad #I would ask where the editor was but I think we all know there was none #Mac (HBFM) #shitty people are shitty #not everything is about you #what the fuck #i can't even

[hyunsracha]

for your entertainment — han jisung

word count: 2.3k

summary: jisung panics when he sees cute people. he also stares at them.

so you work at an entertainment store right

where ppl can buy like uhhh movies and albums n merch n stuff!!

u like ur job.. it’s one of the least popular stores in the mall so u spend most of ur time organizing and reorganizing with one earbud in listening to music

u have to wear a boring grey t-shirt as uniform so u spice things up by making the rest of u look good

everyone else does the same thing i mean … ur manager lia wears purple eyeshadow ok

ur other manager chris doesn’t even try to look good! and it’s so fucking annoying u wanna knock his fuck 24/7

random girl: hehe<3 can i have ur number?

chris: only if u sign up for our rewards program<3

u, angry bc u haven’t sold any rewards programs in a week: >:(

ur other two co-workers are hyunjin and jeongin.

hyunjin has a pretty popular youtube dancer cover channel, but for Copyright Reasons it’s not paying the bills

and jeongin is a senior in high school and this is his first job and u just wanna pinch his little cheeks every time u work together

“y/n i swear to god i’m gonna punch u and get fired rn stop POKING MY CHEEKS-”

“he’s just a little baby…*to passing customer* LOOK AT THE BABY!”

“>:(((“

so it’s a tuesday night.

tuesday nights are the fucking best (worst if u love talking to ppl) bc u’ll get like … 2 customers in 4 hours?

it’s 8pm and the mall closes at 9

usually u start vacuuming at 8:30 but at like 7:50 chris was like “GET THE FUCKING VACUUM WE’RE CLOSING RN !!”

jeongin: u do it.

u: no u do it bitch.

jeongin: *sticks out his fist*

u sigh and do rock paper scissors like the baby wants.

and u lose

u fucking lose

and jeongin just cackles, sitting down on the stool behind the registers

so u trudge to the back room and the vacuum, grumbling about how ur older so jeongin should be doing this!!

but it’s fine!

so you’re vacuuming right.

and in storms Han Jisung

yes han jisung is the kinda dude to come to the mall right before closing and go on a shopping spree

he’s got his best friend lee minho in tow, who does Not look happy to be here.

“come on minho!! i need to get season 4 of naruto to finish my collection!!” jisung whines, pulling on his friend’s arm as he stands on his tiptoes to look for the anime section.

“can you keep your voice down?? i have an image, yanno.”

“minho you’re literally here to buy a kelly clarkson album.”

minho grumbles and waddles off towards the cds, where you are...vacuuming...loudly

and minho’s like -____- why are u so fucking loud

like u don’t MEAN to be loud?? but it’s a VACUUM??

so minho’s looking for his beloved kelly clarkson album right,

and jisung comes around the corner, season 4 of naruto in tow.

and he sees you

and nearly drops it

jisung gets crushes very easily okay..

he can’t help it! the boy loves to love (◕‿◕)♡

and u look so cute in ur lil t-shirt!! like a little retail angel!!

so he grabs minho’s arm and DRAGS HIM TO where the movies are

and he panics!

“THEY’RE SO CUTE AAH I WANNA GIVE THEM A BIG FAT HUG-”

“do you mean the person vacuuming -__- loud as hell”

“minho it’s a vacuum.”

so you stop vacuuming and return the vacuum to the back room (and wash ur hands in the bathroom bc the soap smells like lemons and sunshine) and come back to the floor

u have a ton of time until closing so u just. sit.. and start reorganizing the heavy metal albums.

after a while u feel … weird … like ur being watched

so u turn around and. there they are. staring like (・_・)

and ur like “HELLO?!?!” but u don’t say anything

u just give them a Customer Service Smile and a, “can i help you with anything?”

jisung just giggles and shakes his head and minho keeps fuckign staring

mr lee i will knock ur fuck is that what u want

so u shrug and go back to ur sorting, keeping an eye on the CREEPS in ur store.

at 8:55 chris is like “jeongin go close the gate.” n jeongin’s like “FUCK YEAH” bc he gets to hold a big stick

so he’s walking towards the front of the store with his Big Stick when he sees jisung and minho

“what da hell are y’all doing?” is what he thinks but he says, “(: hi! the store closes in five minutes and i’m about to close the front gate. i’m so sorry, but you have to leave now! :)”

so jisung pouts and minho rolls his eyes, dragging his friend out of the store.

jeongin uses his Big Stick to pull the gate down and he locks it at about mid calf level so y’all can get out.

so that night, u go home and do some homework, but ur still thinking about those weirdos.

but! u’ll probably never see them again!

right?

Wrong.

u see them the next day!

they’re still watching u, but they’re closer

and minho looks more irritated.

towards the end of the night, ur Upset and Confused so u go over to them like o_o. What do u want.

and jisung goes JISJSJHTIE

and minho goes, “jisung thinks you’re cute.”

u start to blush, but jisung squeaks, “NO ahah- uh- he likes to talk in third person! he’s jisung ahaha.”

“my name is not jisung i would Hate to be named jisung.”

“WH- why? there’s a soccer player named jisung. and an idol! multiple idols!”

“yeah the guy in nct is 2 years younger than you and has the same name. and what have You done successfully? Quickly-”

“HEY-”

the two boys in front of u bicker while u start zoning out at the wall behind them.

you knew that the boy with blue hair was jisung, but you didn’t know the one with brown hair. and you assumed that they were friends, judging by the .. bonding activity that is staring at an employee.

and jisung wasn’t …. ugly

like he was really … really cute

but staring at people is fucking weird, jisung!!

when u finally snap out of it, u huff, “okay losers. we are closing soon. so you have to leave. but you’re welcome to come back tomorrow if you’re going to actually talk to me and not just stand in the corner! okay?”

the boys nod, grinning at each other before dashing out of the store.

so, like u said, they’re back the next day!

and this time they actually talk to u! Wow!

you’re sitting on the floor in the back of the store, organizing the funko pops for the 70th time when you feel A Presence.

two, actually.

it’s the two boys, sitting on either side of u.

“hi,” jisung says, playing with his fingers in his lap.

“you’re jisung, right? the cute one..” u reply absentmindedly

u hear a choking sound and then Silence

miss jisung ? miss JISUNG ?

he’s alive, but jfc BARELY

u just called him the CUTE ONE?!?!?

paying no mind, u turn to the boy on ur right, “and you are?”

“lee minho. don’t worry, you won’t forget it.”

“was that supposed to be a pick-up line?”

“did it work?”

“no.”

“HAH!” and jisung’s alive again.

u spend the rest of ur shift talking to the boys, telling them all about ur life while they told u about theirs

u learned that minho was a dancer just like hyunjin! but he went to the nearby university to study.

and that’s where he met jisung, who’s a music composition major

...and a soundcloud rapper…

u could help the laugh that pushed past ur lips at his words

“WHY ARE U LAUGHING.”

“a SoundCloud rapper. really, sung?”

“IT’S COOL ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ”

u couldn’t imagine him as a ‘cool’ rapper dude

he just looked so fluffy :(

at 8:55, the boys got kicked out by jeongin again, but they stood outside the gate, waiting for u

“What do y’all want.”

“i wanna walk u to ur car:(“

“i don’t.”

“ok minho then Leave.”

“NO DON’T he’s my ride don’t say that to him.”

it’s dark outside, and a warm wind blows through ur hair.

it’s late spring, with summer (and finals) fast approaching.

“walking me to my car...what a gentleman…”

“yeah that’s why you should totally go on a date with me haha.”

“what?”

“what?”

“you said-”

“i didn’t say anything.”

minho sighs from behind u, not understanding why his best friend has to be so damn stupid all the time

u lean on ur driver’s side door, not making eye contact with the boy

u didn’t know how to say bye..no one’s ever walked u to ur car before??

“so…” jisung speaks for u, “can i … have your number? so i don’t show up at the store when you’re not working.” he holds his phone out for u to take, a sheepish smile barely visible due to the lights in the parking lot.

“oh! totally.” you take the phone from him, jolting when ur fingers graze his. u set ur contact as ‘the person sungie likes to stare at~” before giving it back to him.

he chuckles at the name, and u feel something inside of u go DOKIDOKI

when he says goodnight and walks away, minho giving u a quick nod, u lock urself in ur car so u can PANIC

u barely know this boy. he’s a weirdo. why is ur heart going dokidoki

heart STOP IT!!

it only gets worse when u hear the text notification sound from ur phone:

[ unknown ]: do u work tmrw? (^_−)☆ i already miss u

…. frick …. he texts cute

dammit jisung why couldn’t u send the laughing emoji

[ y/n ]: i do ! ^.^ i’ll see u then?

[ creeper ]: wouldn’t miss it~ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ goodnight!

u nearly slam ur head on the steering wheel.

true to his word, jisung was back the next day

and the day after that

and the day after that

the day after That, u were off, so u didn’t see him

but u guys texted nearly all day!

jisung was just … really easy to talk to :/

and really funny :/

and every time he giggled u just wanted to cry a little bit :/

and u feel like a CLOWN bc u have a CRUSH on this dude that hangs out with u at WORK

one day, ur at work, and jisung isn't there:((

u feel a little dumb being upset about it, but u were starting to get used to the little guy

“somebody looks like a sad clown.”

“hyunjin~” u whine.

“oh no. that’s the boy problems whine. uhhh suddenly i’m on break!” he tries to stand and walk away, but u pull him back down next to u.

see, u and hyunjin were pretty close.

u two are the same age and watch the same dramas.

and ur both super dramatic

which is WHY when u got ur heart broken by lee donghyuck a few months after u started working there, he was ur shoulder to cry - and complain - on.

“stop :( there was this boy who came in every day and talked to me and he’s super cute but he’s not here today and i miss him :(“

hyunjin just …. stared at u like …. wtf are u talking about

“do you have his number?”

“yes.”

“have you texted him to ask why he’s not here today?”

“...no…”

“(；￣Д￣) Y/N U FUCKIN FOOL!!! U ABSOLUTE IMBECILE!!!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME HWANG HYUNJIN I’LL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!”

a customer standing in front of the register, trying to buy some headphones: uh.. should i go?

u make hyunjin deal with the customer while u sneak out ur phone to text jisung

[ y/n ]: where are u . no one is here 2 annoy me today (except hyunjin but he doesn’t count)

u wait 5 minutes … no reply

10 minutes … no reply

an hour … no reply

“WAAAAA ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡ HYUNJIN ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡”

hyunjin, handing a poor lady her receipt: jesus fucking christ

ur sulking as u leave the store that night

u still feel dumb, but now ur too Sad to feel dumb

u press the lock button on ur car keys so the lights would come on and the horn would sound, telling u where ur car was

“OH FUCK- jesus...stupid car…”

….that’s not what ur car horn sounds like.

u slowly approach, holding ur keys in between ur fingers

ur not afraid to stab a bitch with ur mail key and that’s on wolverine.

u breathe a sigh of Relief when u see it’s just jisung leaning against ur door

wait

jisung

“jisung?” u voice ur thoughts

his hand comes up to rub the back of his neck, “yeah..hi..sorry i didn’t text you back. i nearly backed out of doing this and i didn’t wanna look stupid.”

“you look stupid all the time.”

“jeez, thanks.”

u cross ur arms, stepping closer to the boy, “back out of what?”

“well i uh- do you remember how minho said i think you’re cute on the first day we talked?”

you nod.

“well...that hasn’t changed. i think you’re cute...really cute, actually.”

you blush again, just like the first time, “what does me being cute have to do with you standing in front of my car?”

“well, i don’t have a car, so i’m hoping...you can drive when we go on our first date?”

your heart nearly stops, but you start to smile.

“han jisung, are you asking me out?”

“are you saying yes?”

“yes.”

“then yeah. i am.”

your smile only gets wider as you close the gap between you two, wrapping your arms around his middle. he pats your head, a chuckle vibrating under your ear.

“also i need a ride home. minho dropped me off.”

“*sigh* jisung…”

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