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beansprean · 10 months

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Nandor and Alexithymia

Ok so this is an attempt to organize a mess of thoughts I’ve been mulling over recently; appreciate anybody who reads the whole thing lol. My “he’s just like me fr” nandor dissertation.

So first things first - alexithymia is a symptom/trait that tends to appear for a lot of neurodivergent people, including myself, as well as those affected by emotional neglect/abuse or other related traumas. It involves "difficulties in identifying, describing, and processing one’s own feelings, often marked by a lack of understanding of the feelings of others, and difficulty distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal" (livingautism.com). For me, though I’m decently good at recognizing others’ emotional states when I’m paying attention, I have a lot of trouble categorizing my own. I have to rely on physical cues (am I smiling? Laughing? Crying? Is my heart beating fast?), mimicking others (if this happened to someone else, how would I expect them to feel? How do other people feel about this so I know what I’m feeling?), or past experience (this thing made me feel like this, so I must be feeling this now). The physical cues are less helpful than they sound, as the definition implies, because maybe my heart is pounding because I’m anxious, or excited, or I hate you, or I like you, or I’m afraid, or I just ran up some stairs. Maybe I’m crying because I’m sad. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or hungry? I literally cannot tell what my emotions are telling me most of the time, which makes communication and relationships extremely difficult to navigate. I don’t know if I enjoy talking to you. I don’t know if I enjoy this activity. I don’t know if I have a crush on you. Everything just feels like anxiety or apathy unless it’s already at 100%. One of the specific anxieties that I deal with in social situations as a result of this is not a fear that people won’t like me, but that I won’t like them. A new person approaches! They want to hang out/date! But oh no, I have no idea how I’m feeling about this person at this point. What if I don’t end up having fun? What if I dislike them and I don’t know why? What if they upset me and I don’t know why? How will I navigate breaking up with them? I’m consumed by the future possibility of being unable to interpret my emotional state and being unable to communicate or verbalize well enough to get out of the situation without acting like a jerk and hurting their feelings or ghosting them completely.

But this post isn’t just me ranting about my brokebrain, I wanna talk about NANDOR’S brokebrain. Some of you may be ahead of me.

Obviously we are all aware that Nandor is completely UNAWARE of his feelings a lot of the time; this is not news, I’m just pathologizing it lol. And not only does he have trouble expressing, identifying, and verbalizing his emotions or recognizing them in others, but...he's dead. He can't rely on physical reactions to help him out - his heart doesn't beat, his skin doesn't flush, he doesn't need to breathe, it's unclear if he can even shed tears! The past 700 years must have felt like endless apathy so much of the time - no wonder he gets depressed.

But it definitely makes sense to me that Nandor is affected by fairly severe alexithymia, and he would have trouble choosing between his wives or recalling the feelings he had for them or which one he really loved and what that felt like beyond just how unobtrusive their presence would be for his day to day routine. And at the same time it is clear to us that he wants nothing more than to hang with Guillermo and spend time with Guillermo and ensure he gives reasons for Guillermo to stick around - but he doesn't really recognize that himself. He becomes increasingly anxious and paranoid as his wedding to Marwa approaches, doesn't understand why he is so fixated on everything that could ruin it or stop it from happening, and projects those thoughts on everyone else around him. He assumes that everyone is conspiring to stop the wedding because he unknowingly wants people to give him reasons to back out. Guillermo confronts him with this, and Nandor can only verbalize that this is a big moment that is making him afraid. (Not to mention that he clearly was waiting for an objection from Guillermo which Guillermo consistently refused to give despite seemingly agreeing with Nadja's. And the whole expecting Guillermo to be jealous and confused/disappointed when he wasn't?? Honey.)

Yet, we also know from the "I like what he likes" wish that Nandor DOES want this wedding to happen. He wants to be married, he wants steady companionship, he wants to tie himself to someone and say "look, look, someone loves me! I am never alone!" Yet immediately after the wedding he balks at turning her and making the marriage "eternal". He is already bored of what he has turned her into and confused why he isn't enjoying the company of someone who will stay by his side and never argue or disagree with him or expect an emotional intimacy from him he can't give. Isn't that what he wanted? Why didn't this fix him? Why is everything still so dull?

(slight tangent on the "I like what he likes" wish honestly what a fuckin DREAM I wish I had a second person who could project my emotions/preferences for me so I could recognize them... I wish they had played around with that for a few more episodes, the comedic potential alone has sustained me for so long...)

He sees Guillermo and Freddie, feels Something, but doesn’t understand what. Discomfort? Longing? Anxiety? Lots of options we as an audience can assume or interpret, but I think we can all agree it's more complicated than just Nandor falling in love at first sight as he assumes. Nandor DOES experience passing infatuations fairly frequently - an intense blaze of emotion he interprets as love and obsesses over, pushing quickly for commitment because he believes that tying himself to someone will solidify those feelings forever. He has to act quick before they fade!

So back to Freddie, Nandor is: 1. Confused by Freddie's presence and unusually pushy about following them around and getting details about their relationship, 2. Genuinely charmed by Freddie's loser white boy swag and interest in artefacts from his home country, 3. Kept up all night by thoughts about Freddie, and 4. Able to recognize that outright stealing him would be a bad move because it would probably make Guillermo upset. Round of applause for #4, good job Nandy.

But, like with the wedding, is he just projecting? Assuming? He knows he feels something strong - an intense blaze of emotion and obsession he associates with his past relationships - and he comes to the conclusion that being with Freddie is what will finally make him happy. Might he actually be feeling misplaced jealousy because he's in love with Guillermo? Or because he sees Guillermo happy in a relationship for the first time and wants that feeling for himself? Or subconsciously sees this as another way to tie Guillermo to him and ensure he can't have a life outside of Nandor? All of these are valid. Nandor certainly doesn't know.

The last point I want to make in this messy ramble of a post is this: what if, in addition to worrying that turning Guillermo into a vampire will set him free from any bonds or obligations to Nandor and he will leave, Nandor is worried HE won't like Guillermo anymore if he is a vampire? And then what?? People change when they...change. He did.

#wwdits #nandermo #nandor the relentless #wwdits speculation #wwdits meta #alexithymia #not art

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ryuichirou · 3 months

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Replies

Replies! About the LiliMal comic + a lot of other stuff.

Anonymous asked:

Waittttt may I ask whose butts are featured in your latest LiliMal comic because there's a certain cake standing out from the rest~

Ahhh I’m sorry to disappoint, but I didn’t have anyone specific in mind when I drew this sufhsui BUT. I’m pretty sure Lilia does this to everyone (well other than Malleus), at least playfully (some of his slaps are not as neutral in nature 👀 )…

But damn you’re right, that cake is huge. I can’t think of anyone this big other than Jack but there’s no tail :( HmmMMMmmm

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Lilia hitting Malleus' butt literally awoke a fever of fanfic writing, so thanks for that boo!

Also, I feel like Lilia would try to find out all who thought touching Malleus was a smart idea and probably kill them either from jealousy, loyalty, or straight him being possessive and does it cause "He was mine. He will always be mine"

You’re welcome! I hope Malleus gets buttslapped more often… he deserves it lol

Lilia’s case is interesting, because on the one hand, he does want Malleus to have more connections, relationships, all this stuff, but he really is more possessive than even he himself realises, not to mention super protective. So I can picture him going after people with an excuse of them overstepping, but in actuality because he’s way too used to thinking that he is the only one who is allowed to treat Malleus this way.

Anonymous asked:

AAAAAAHHH DID MY 2 ASKS ABOUT JADE GET EATEN????

Nope! I’m just very slow + I have been busy lately, so I had to prioritize asks with shorter replies… but you’ll get your replies too, Anon! Here is one, but the other one will have to wait, since it’s a hc ask, and it’s more time consuming for me to wrote them…

Anonymous asked:

thoughts on the popular theory Jade ate his siblings? do you think any other Leeches existed, or if they did, if he had anything to do with their death?

So about this! We actually talked about it about a year ago here and there, and even though we mentioned it briefly, we still like this theory a lot. Katsu and I pretty much consider it canon lol Of course while keeping in mind that it was only implied and the circumstances around their siblings’ death might have been different yada yada you know what I mean.

So yeah, other Leeches absolutely existed, Jade and Floyd are the only ones who survived and it only happened because they joined forces. And we all know that Jade and Floyd both are quite hungry, so the scenario in which they hunted every single sibling down and ate them to grow stronger just feels correct, horribly morbid and super fun at the same time.

I don’t know, it’s just a very amusing thing to think about when you look at them doing regular college boy things. Especially Jade, since he likes acting all polite and proper. He’s out there doing his vice-housewarden things, talking to his classmates, managing finances for the Halloween event, and you look at him and think “this guy munched down his siblings when he was little” lol

It’s almost like they’re from a completely different and a much more cruel world…

Anonymous asked:

You've probably been asked before but, have vil and Ortho ever made a sex tape? If so who initiated and if not what made them think against it/do you think Ortho ever secretly filmed sessions for himself?

I don’t think Vil would want to have a sex tape even if it’s for a personal use; he’s probably heard so many stories about leaks and ruined reputations. He grew up surrounded by paparazzi and all kinds of nosy vultures, so he is very careful and secretive (and a bit paranoid) about his private live. So he probably treats every time he has sex as “once in a lifetime performance for his lover only”.

Which is ironic because Ortho really loves recording everything he sees and does. He loves rewatching, revisiting and analyzing (and doing other stuff if it’s sex tape we’re talking about hehe), so he’ll absolutely ask Vil to record everything or at least take some pictures or audio recordings, and he’ll be bummed out when Vil refuses. Vil is usually very doting and he allows him to do so many things, but this is something he is stubbornly against.

But if Vil doesn’t know about it, there is no harm, right? Ortho knows how to put cameras and sound-recording devices in a way he would never notice…

And if it’s the robot!Ortho we’re talking about, he doesn’t even need any extra devices: he records everything directly to his memory.

Anonymous asked:

I think everyone wants to bite Idia’s thighs tbh

Facts. And it’s funny, because Idia doesn’t even have much to bite there…

Anonymous asked:

Do you think Idia is touch-starved? I personally think that but I’m interested to know your thoughts

I think he is starved to the point of not wanting anything anymore, so he’s touch-died-of-hunger-years-ago. So it’s not like he is actively suffering, buuuut if someone was to get physical with him, his body would suddenly remember that being touched by someone actually feels very good, so he’ll get overwhelmed in a good way. He is very sensitive….

#replies

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babyfairy · 1 year

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here’s a much needed life updates post! even though generally speaking not a whole lot has happened lol

life has been pretty difficult since i lost my grandpa truthfully. it’s been a lot of struggling since then. lately in particular (as in the last few months) i’ve been struggling mentally more than ever. i think im going through one of those really painful transitional/growth periods (which figures, it’s about time for my saturn return) but i also think i am neurodivergent in some way? as in im like 99.99999% sure i am neurodivergent. i can’t think of any other explanation for the way my brain works and for the way i am struggling.

it’s weird because i have a lot of guilt about exploring the idea of possibly being neurodivergent. i’ve been talking with my doctor about it and every time we’re done talking i feel like im a liar or that im manipulating her or others into believing i could be neurodivergent in order to have an excuse for just not being a good person, friend, daughter, sister etc. i’ve been talking with her about OCD specifically. there are a lot of things im learning about OCD that i relate to and that have been completely taking over my life since the death of my grandfather. but i also relate to a lot of the traits of autism, so truthfully i don’t really know what’s going on and not knowing has been isolating and sort of difficult and scary. i have this intense need to know what’s “wrong” with me or why i act/think/feel the way i do. i think that in and of itself is a symptom but i’ve always been that way. i think i have trouble relinquishing control. and lately i just feel very out of control. my work, friendships, family life, self esteem, and everything all just feel extremely unstable lmao and i know the primary reason is me. because i’m always bracing for the next terrible thing to happen and i’m always worried about ruining everything or hurting someone or i don’t even know what. i worry every moment that i am awake.

i’ve been adjusting my meds under the advice of my doctor and a psychiatrist and im trying to get back into therapy but god is it intimidating lol! i don’t know why! i think the thought of starting all over with a new therapist just scares me a lot. i know i have to do it though because i can’t manage this on my own anymore at all. and i have no idea how to make it any better or manage my stress. so physically and mentally im doing really poorly. i think maybe worse than ever. but i’m alive lol and i’m trying to get back to a point where i feel ok and not so paranoid and distressed all the time. im just trapped in this horrible cycle. it’s really frustrating. and i just want to understand why but i don’t for now and i have to be ok with that.

it isn’t all bad though lol and i do have things to look forward to. im trying my best to build and deepen new relationships so i feel less isolated. being agoraphobic in your early 20s really does a number on your social life!!! i managed to get beyoncé tickets and im planning on flying to visit some of my closest friends later this year. so i have things to look forward to and that helps keep me going on the days where i just want to give up. it’s hard 😅 but hopefully it won’t be this hard for too much longer and i’ll be able to look back on this time period and feel proud of myself for pushing past it. because right now truthfully i just feel ashamed and sad most of the time. i think shame and guilt are like my primary emotions lol. and just general tiredness. but i’m trying my best to claw my way out of it

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animeyanderetalker · 10 months

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Hi not a request (sorry if it sounds like one) I was wondering An (hope it’s ok I call you that) , I’ve been rewatching Fairy tail and I was wondering who do you think would be the best and the worst for a poly relationship for sharing a darling?

I think the best would be Natsu and Lucy since there trust each other completely and get along well that and there balanced each other out with them being best friends and all (Depending how the 100 year request is going ; hopefully there tie the knot XD)

Worst poly by sharing a darling , my opinion would be Mard geer and kyouka , I don’t think the reader would ever catch a break , especially with Mard geer thin patient and Kyouka sadist ways . (I’m pretty sure Mard Geer would be pulling the shots since he did tie up Kyouka by using his curse magic🤔 just cause she upset him)

Love to hear your thoughts ^-^

also if your looking for a show to watch or read I suggest Eden’s zero or dead rock (it’s really good so far 💗)

That's an interesting question so here are a few of my thoughts. I didn't include all options or otherwise I could have gone on for a longer while.

The best:

Natsu and Lucy: I think you nailed it already pretty well with those two, although I think the entire team (Natsu, Lucy, Erza, Gray, (platonic or not) Wendy) could work together. I do think that those two would be the best pairing since they would make the least troubles for their darling and work really well together. Both are delusional and clingy but Lucy would be the one to respect it if their darling requests privacy even if reluctantly since she knows firsthand that Natsu has a lack of respect for privacy. I also think that Natsu and Lucy would see all the time eye to eye and talk together and decide together about everything involving their darling. Obviously Erza and Gray would work with those two well too but I do think that the rivalry between Natsu and Gray can be a bit tiring, not to mention that Gray is possessive, protective and low-key paranoid about darling and their safety. Erza on the other hand, whilst highly respecting and appreciating her friends, tends to scare people when someone ruins her time with her darling or upsets them. She gets occasionally scary for silly reasons. Considering that the boys are very obviously scared of her when she gets mad, I also think there wouldn't be all the time equal footing. Wendy is a sweetheart but a bit too gullible and naive, hence why Carla is there for her.

The Strauss siblings: Mirajane, Elfman and Lisanna would definitely go well together and work well together since all three of them are very close to each other and have a lot of love for their darling to spare. Mirajane is the oldest sibling and despite her kind and sweet appearance, she is just about enough mature and strict to put a foot down which isn't bad considering that Elfman and Lisanna tend to be more, maybe a bit too, forgiving and lenient. Especially Elfman is down bad for his s/o.

Alzack and Bisca: They're literally already a married couple and very sweet to each other so a third person that they adore would fit in very much. They'd probably be really shy and timid in the beginning before getting more comfortable and affectionate with time around their s/o.

Maybe also Gajeel and Levy since I do think they balance each other out well enough. Levy is more openly tender-hearted and understanding which would help to smooth out Gajeel's possessive side and his cocky pride at times. She isn't afraid to call him out and lecture him.

Potential candidates (with some issues to work through):

Gray and Juvia: It could work but I do feel like Juvia's excessive obsession and jealous streak would cause some issues, not to mention that I can't help but feel like her extreme behavior might have a bad effect and Gray who in return would also turn slightly more unhinged. You definitely don't want an unhinged Gray.

Erza and Jellal: They're childhood friends and I don't think that Erza would ever intimidate and scare Jellal like she would do with Gray and Natsu, he can even calm her down fairly well. The main issue is mainly that Jellal has isolated himself out of vengeance and that means there would be a lot of time where darling would just spend time with Erza.

Lucy and Loke: Those two could definitely share a darling too but Loke's antics in here are a problem and less the fact that he's a Celestial Spirit since he has the ability to enter the human realm without Lucy calling upon him. He's a tad bit too mischievious.

Thunder God Tribe + Laxus: This would be so chaotic because I feel like Evergreen and Fried would be so sickenly sweet, jealous and obsessed with their darling. Bickslow is in comparison to those two the sanest one and even that doesn't have to mean much. With Laxus there would at least be a bit more control and order but who knows how long that can last. They're a very active and energetic bunch for sure with Laxus the only pillar holding them somewhat together.

Sting and Rogue are really troublesome but I do think lots of people would expect them to work really well together. They could for sure share a darling but it wouldn't be as harmonious because Sting is really possessive and whilst definitely willing to die for his s/o, also a rather controlling individual who would persuade Rogue, who feels guilty for his obsession which makes him mentally more prone to Sting's manipulation, into convincing you into following a rather strict lifestyle created by them. That may or may not include restrictions where you can go, when you can go and with whom you can go and punishment if you break those rules. Believe me, they always find out.

The worst:

Mard Geer and Kyoka: Bold of you to assume that Mard Geer would share with anyone at all. He views his darling as his property and would never share so the only reason why Kyoka wouldn't be instantly murdered is because she's a member of Tartaros and even then she'd be forbidden to ever go near his s/o. Kyoka could probably only somewhat share with Seilah and that would be the furthest thing from a healthy and happy relationship. Mard Geer is the leader though and that's probably the only reason why Kyoka wouldn't brutally torture him and hurt him for falling in love with the same person as her.

Any poly!relationship with Minerva before her change of heart would spell a catastrophe too since she'd be so sadistic, not only to her darling but also whoever dares to fall in love with her darling. She'd at best tolerate that person but only if they're strong enough to be worthy in her opinion.

I can definitely see the members of the Oración Seis (Midnight, Cobra, Angel, Racer) being at one point one of the worst to share a darling too. All of them wouldn't be too fond to share a darling to begin with, Cobra is probably the nicest one about it because he's actually interested in sincerely caring for darling's health and well-being. Midnight on the other hand is sadistic and possessive, Angel is obsessive and sadistic and Racer, whilst initially appearing to be rather chill, is not all that nice after all either. The peak worst phase would be after the timeskip in my opinion where all of them have traded something in order for greater power which makes all of them only more unhinged, possessive and to a certain degree even more desperate.

#a talks #yandere thoughts #yandere fairy tail

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cursivebloodlines · 3 months

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❝ don't worry, I'll be here when you're awake. ❞ - zoe

✷ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; FLUFF EDITION ( . 01 ) | @overnightheartbeats

❝ don't worry, I'll be here when you're awake. ❞

Even with his comforting words, Zoe couldn’t quite settle just yet. What kind of person invites their semi-not-quite-ex boyfriend to come over after persistently demanding space? Especially so late at night…but she didn’t know who else to call at the time. The only person she could think of was Eric. He plagued all of her thoughts, every morning, noon, and night. “I’m sorry…” she murmured, her fingers fiddling with the duvet, her eyes fixated on the broken clock ticking out of time on the wall. A loaded statement coming from her. After realising she never quite finished her train of thought with her apology, she cleared her throat awkwardly, a sigh escaping her lips. “Sorry for…” The words caught in her throat, like something was fighting her, weighing her tongue down heavily to stop herself from blurting out her pathetic apologies: Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for being the way I am. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry for all…this. Sorry for it all. Sorry for everything. “Sorry for getting you out of bed at this time for something that was nothing after all that messing around.”

It was embarrassing, really. It had been at least two days since she’d managed to get any sleep and it was starting to make her irate (more than she already was) and paranoid. She could chalk it up to several different things but there were several times where she thought she was being followed… and when she came home from a late shift to find the door unlocked, it shook her up. Normally, she was ready for a fight, always ready to defend herself (something she could thank her ever shitty ass parents and the people they dragged in and out of her life for before she finally found her escape) at any cost but this had completely caught her off guard. After searching her place top to bottom, including every hidden nook and cranny, all of her hiding spaces and the hiding spaces within those hiding spaces to make sure nothing was removed, she sat there trying to devise her next moves listening to every single sound in the vast quietness and darkness of her home. Her place wasn’t very big, just small enough for the basics, really. It was only her after all. Since being back, it felt way too big. It was eerily silent, and the Eric shaped gap in her life forced by her made it only worse. It felt so very wrong after being accustomed to his place, after she moved in so they could stay together and ensure each other’s safety with the danger stemming from what was going on with Eric’s family. In the dead of the night, that was when it dawned on her - why this could be happening. A distraction, perhaps? If either one of them were in danger… being separated from him… the rush of panicked realisation was what had her scrambling for her phone, his number on speed dial. As soon as he answered, a sigh of relief escaped her and normally able to sound detached in her tone, she couldn’t conceal the concern. Quickly uttering things like ‘I just needed to check…are you okay?’ and ‘Me? Yeah, I’m fine… actually. No. Things really aren’t right around here. Can you come over? It’s okay if you can’t. I don’t even know what I was thi-you can? Okay then. See you soon. Thank you. I lo-See you soon.’ Why she felt the need to invite him over was another question entirely. She spoke to him…He was okay. And yet still something persuaded her to ask him over. A fresh pair of eyes, that’s what she convinced herself of in the end. Someone who wasn’t her…Problem was, there weren’t a lot of people she trusted. As for Eric, he was at the top of the list of those she did. Not that it was a very long list… then again, the list may have begun and ended with him. Even with their relationship tangled in knots, there was nobody she trusted more than she did with him; they couldn’t even come close. As expected, he arrived within minutes, he was here and Zoe tried her best to give him the rundown. The worry engraved into his features tugged at her heartstrings and instantly she wished she hadn’t bothered him. The words she once told him in desperation and anguish bitterly reminded her of the word she’d once inflicted: I’m not a damsel and I’m not in distress. Tonight was proof that those words couldn’t be further from the truth.

It was a relief to see him, to see him up close and real. Not just the familiar voice over the phone, or a text message here and there. It felt like an eternity had passed since she last saw him and seeing Eric again stirred up all of the emotions she tried so hard to burrow down deep inside her. He didn’t look like he’d been sleeping much either. Like he was feeling just as rough as she had. His hair a bit out of place, the shirt he was wearing slightly rumpled up from what she assumed he’d been sleeping - or trying to - sleep in. And yet he was still the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

It was like he’d literally jumped right out of bed to see her, which both warmed and broke her heart at the same time. How willing he still was even after everything she put him through. In the dead of night, they had a second look around to make sure nothing was out of place or that nobody happened to be lurking around. They searched every room from top to bottom, two pairs of eyes on everything this time. When they were both satisfied that all was well, and that maybe Zoe was running on fumes due to overexhaustion and that maybe - though Eric never explicitly stated it - she was well and truly paranoid. Which led to this moment, Zoe sitting up, her body under thick blankets with him perched at the edge of her bed, close enough she could reach out and touch him but it wouldn’t be enough. “I just feel like an idiot,” she muttered under her breath, “Getting you out of bed in the dead of night for nothing but to prove that I’ve finally lost it and...” Finally, she looked at him, rushing her words out a little before he had the chance to reply. Judging by the look in his eyes, he disagreed with her, about being an idiot at least. She shook her head in silent protest, a sigh combined with a yawn escaping her lips. Funny, how despite everything, they could still have a conversation without words.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it? When words weren’t involved, they could communicate perfectly. It was just words that were difficult. But not even that… the problem was Zoe’s inability to handle problems like a normal person. Her problem was not being forthright and as open as Eric had been with her. And immediately jumping to the defense over the smallest thing, which inevitably landed them in their current predicament. Which was why she was trying to sleep - and failing - in her own damn bed and not his/formerly theirs anymore. At a loss of anymore words, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him, like he might evaporate into thin air the second she averted her eyes. Even though he literally just promised her he would stay until she was awake. He deserved so much better. Those wretched thoughts of self hatred racked her brain once more, begging to swallow her whole. It was like trying to walk through the fog but never reaching the clear. But Eric was like the light that would lead the way, guide her to him.

“You should sleep with me.” The words were out before Zoe had a chance to word them in a better way. What she said never even clicked until she saw his face contort with confusion, mouth opening and closing a few times like he was scrambling for something to say because he hadn’t expected it either. “Oh. I didn’t mean…” She could blame the exhaustion seeping in. She hadn’t slept in days. That was a perfectly acceptable excuse, right? “I meant…you said you’d stay until I woke up and I know that shitty couch is uncomfortable as fuck from my own experience. You’ll get a bad back, so…” She paused, clearing her throat as her memory brought her back to their last moment as a them, involving a couch - his - and how less comfy hers was compared to that one. Being snuggled up in his arms, his hands on her skin, both love and despair brought on by her own wrongdoing and misunderstanding. The last time she felt whole. Back to reality. “So, um. You’re not sleeping there. I know we’re not…but you can sleep here. Much comfier. Just…take off your shoes.” A slight hint of a smile pulled at the corner of her lips as she shuffled over, pulling the duvet down for him and patting it in an attempt to beckon him.

It was then, and only then, Zoe felt like she could finally settle down. The calmness his presence brought to her, the sound of his breathing put her at ease and quietened all the noise in her head. She faced him as he settled down beside her, watched how he had no problem getting comfy, but it was like he was somewhat trying to keep a distance. She couldn’t blame him for that, she ended it after all. But instinctively, she urged slightly closer. It was selfish, really, but she couldn’t help herself. Sighing softly, she let her eyes close as she sank down into her pillows, into well needed rest. “Thank you, for being here, for coming here,” she murmured like a hushed secret, like the darkness would hold her secrets close to her chest. “And for what it’s worth, I really have missed you,” she trailed off as sleep called out to her, unsure why the words slipped out but it was the truth. If she’d been less exhausted and more lucid, she probably could’ve stopped herself. It was selfish, it was unfair of her to say this to Eric after all she’d put him through. But it was the last thing she’d uttered before she fell asleep, and by the time she woke up, she probably wouldn’t remember.

#overnightheartbeats #zoe x eric #love how i give u a christmas one and then suddenly i give u this LMFAOOO like i said.... unhinged order #but babies<3 always thinking of these clowns foreverrr #alsooooo i love how this is meant to be a fluff prompt but i sprinkled a bit of angst LMFAO #as always sorry for any errors!!! and for taking 400 years... i write too much. that may be why LMAOOO kgjsdgd plsss #hope u enjoy regardless!!! ily them and i love them<3 #muse ;; zoe lancaster #zoe lancaster ;; memes #overnightheartbeats ;; eric #answered #answered memes

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deviant3lover · 2 years

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🍅, 🍊, 🌸 and 💛 for Markus, maybe? ^-^

Hey Allen!!!! 😍 I’ve missed you!

🍅 How easily is your OC embarassed? What subjects make them flush and why? What event has made your OC the most embarassed they’ve ever been?

Ohohohoho! Being who he is and a telepath at that, Markus doesn’t get flustered easily. He’s (unwillingly) seen many dirty fantasies, and has had his share of people coming onto him and flirting with him back when he was Sidestep. Compliments and flattery slide off his skin.

The most embarrassed he’s consistently gotten is from Steel. He did not expect for Chen to be as open and soft as he was during the dog park, nor did he expect Steel’s smile to come as easily as it did.

It didn’t get any better in the future. Chen was too soft, too open. His crush on Markus, compacted with actually knowing who he is now, flustered him to the point of alarm and half-baked logical jumps that rationalise what’s happening.

Markus: I’m a spy. A telepath. Just lean back as a dare, Deavor. He’ll come to his senses. He’s cautious and an over-thinker. We never had a good relationship with each other. Once he sees the dare, he’ll come to his senses and-

Chen backed him up against the wall and kissed him.

And all the thoughts in Markus’s head shrivelled up and died quietly.

(God forbid Steel tries to have sex with him. Things will definitely get interesting there…)

🍊 Does your OC have any triggers? Why do these things trigger them? What are they like when triggered and how do they calm down after?

Carnivorous bugs. When he was recaptured, the Staff wanted to punish him, but couldn’t do much considering how injured he was (physical) and how out of it he was mentally with Heartbreak’s attack (emotional.)

Instead, they opted to use maggot therapy for some of his injuries. If not properly dressed, the sensation is ticklish. Markus was too injured to even move, so he felt… paralysed in his own body while they ate away at him.

It’s a very obscure trigger, and while the sight of them won’t yank his newfound trauma to life, a telepathic attack exploiting this in a fight is a good way to not only get Markus to stop attacking his opponent, but to also rip himself open to try and get the maggots out.

Another trigger is heights. Herald got off easy: if it weren’t for Markus’s first instinct to immediately disengage himself from the situation, he would’ve beaten the shit out of him.

Markus usually walks off to isolate himself a bit as his default for calming down. If it’s night and he’s alone, he’ll seek out the moon and just sit, letting the open air of his surroundings comfort him.

(I may be missing some more triggers, but this is just off the top of my head!)

When he’s triggered, he’s usually a lot more paranoid and outright hostile, and would most likely attack whoever triggered him in the first place.

If it was an accident, Markus blanks into a neutral, emotionless expression. He doesn’t talk for some time if he doesn’t get the chance to seclude himself, and emotionally distances himself from everything. His actions during this state is oddly methodical, if detached.

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

Better: “There’s a dessert festival going on downtown! Eating competitions with marvellous prizes for the enthusiasts- earn amazing deals to bakeries and buffets if you win!”

Laugh: ??? This man is not happy or content enough to genuinely laugh. 😓

Worse: “Markus Deavor, you’re under arrest.”

Completely Ruin: “Come quietly, 28. We have you surrounded.”

💛 What is your personal opinion of this OC? Do you love them or are they your trash child? Are they your baby?

Interesting man… but if I ever met him in real life, I’d realistically bolt out of there as fast as possible.

Markus is not completely stable or sane as of Rebirth/Retribution. And considering what he’s capable of in Retribution, I would not want to be affiliated with him. That’s more than enough to get me sucked into darker territory;; 😥

I love him and want the best for him, but I would not want to be anywhere near him if and when he loses it. Telepathy or no, Markus is a frightening man who, at this point, has a growing proclivity for violence.

Would definitely chip in for his therapy fees though. He needs it.

#Fhr #sidestep #markus deavor #Steelstep #is mentioned

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thirstyforlulu · 3 years

Note

Yandere Hellsing x Reader HCs? Including Millennium

Integra:

She’s a very possessive yandere

With her money and power, she has the means to get her hands on you

She’s good at playing cool, you won’t catch on for a while

Sure you notice that she never sends you on missions and that she’s always having you work near her office, but that’s just her being a good friend

When she decides to approach you romantically, she’s very forward

Around you she’s a touch starved animal, unlike her usual put together appearance

If you deny her feelings or try to run, get ready because she’s not giving up that easily

She’ll pull whatever strings she has to in order to find you

She’ll spend thousands bribing people or tracking you

Once she knows where you are, she’ll send Alucard to collect you

When she has you she’s very loving

She’ll want to constantly be touching you in some way

Usually that means sitting beside her while she works at her desk

As long as you’re good, she’ll let you wander the entirety of the manor

Since you tried to run she’s added all sorts of security measures so you can’t get out

Act up though and she will chain you to the wall in her office

“Y/N, your behavior has been deplorable lately and needs correcting.

Don’t give me those sad eyes, this is all your fault.”

Walter:

He’s a sneaky yandere

Very observant, he’ll learn your patterns and preferences

At the start he’ll leave you gifts like your favorite food or pretty flowers

He uses it as an excuse to get closer to you

He’s always offering to do favors for you, secretly lowering your defenses around him

He’s not the type to take anything from you but he will take the time to appreciate them

If you let him clean your room he’ll likely pause to sniff some clothes

You notice how much he knows about you but you just think he’s very observant

You don’t realize it’s due to his obsession

He’s the type to take more precautions

If you deny his advances he’ll lock you up somewhere, probably his room

He’ll get chains and a cage if necessary

If you really act up, he’ll lock you in the basement

The way you cling to him in fear after spending all night in the dark is addictive

His wires are always nearby

If you try to run you’ll only get a few steps out the door before the wires wrap you up and pull you back

He does his best not to hurt you, but if you struggle too much, a few cuts are inevitable

Seras:

She’s a very clingy yandere

She’ll want you on every mission she goes on

When you have free time she’ll take you out into the area nearby for some quality time

If you ever push her away, she gets angry

She’ll pout like a child then force her way into whatever it is you’re doing

At the time, she’ll act like it’s just a coincidence and you might even believe her

You’re not getting rid of her so easily

She’s also a very sweet yandere

If she feels she’s hurt your feelings she’ll go out of her way to get you presents or treat you nicely

Until you say you forgive her, she won’t stop pampering you

No one else is allowed near you, not even Integra

She’ll make excuses and do whatever it takes to keep you to herself

She would never kidnap you or lock you up because she hates to see you sad, but her “loving” behavior will be a trap in itself

Don’t forget that despite how cute she is, she’s still a powerful monster that can and will do what it takes to keep you

If that means making you one of her familiars then so be it

Alucard:

He’s a terrifying yandere

He can control you and the people around you, holding you captive

You’re not a stupid person, you know how easily he could end your life, so you tend to let it all happen

On the plus side, he’s very passionate and often brings you gifts

He’s such a smooth talker you’ll end up forgetting the terrifying threats he’s made in the past

Anyone who flirts with you will mysteriously disappear

Anyone who hurts you will turn up days later torn to shreds in a ditch

He would never do anything to hurt you, but that doesn’t stop him from making threats

“I could tear you apart just like that man from last week. I would love to hear your moans of anguish, but I’d prefer moans of pleasure.”

When you act out he manhandles you

He’ll press you against a wall and bite your neck to remind you of your place

He enjoys when you become complicit, but he likes when you’re occasionally act out

It gives him an excuse to punish you, which he always loves

After that, you’ll think twice before disobeying him

Millenium:

Jan:

Bro this man is already wild

When he sets his sights on you it’s go time

He won’t let anyone else near you or get to know you, not even his brother

He’ll threaten people, meeting them after work for overstepping their boundaries

He’s very touchy, like he’s trying to leave his scent all over you

Out in public, he’ll hang on you, showing others that you’re already taken

He’ll growl at people that look at you too long when passing by

He flicks a lot of people off, all the time but more so when he’s around you

He’s paranoid and doesn’t like anyone else around you, even friends

Clearly he’s a fan of body modification so if he can convince you he’ll want to get some kind of matching piercing/tattoo

If you get it, he’ll pay special attention to it any time you cuddle, running his fingers over it countless times

He can be very intense so he might yell at you, but when he sees the hurt look in your eyes he backs off

In his own weird way, he loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurting

But if he has to hurt you to keep you then so be it

Luke:

He’s not as subtle as he thinks he is

He tries to play it cool, but if someone tries to touch you he will blatantly smack their hand away

Always has an excuse to be around you and if he doesn’t, he’ll find one

He’s not as touchy as Jan, but he does like to hold your hand

You’ll feel his pinky brush against you before his hand completely envelops yours

His grip tightens when he sees you looking at others

Your attention is something he so desperately craves

He gives you every moment of his time and he wants you to do the same

If you’re ever in danger he’s there before anyone else even knows

It helps that he was already watching you

Be ready to compensate him

At first he’s just worried about you, but then once he knows you’re alright, he’ll start making demands

“You owe me for coming to your rescue dear. Or would you like me to toss you back? Maybe then you’ll beg me in such a cute way.”

Rip:

She does not care what other people think

She’ll ruin relationships to get closer to you

She’ll endanger her own job if it keeps you two apart

Doing favors is how she gets closer to you

Anytime you need something she’s there and ready to go

She’d leave in the middle of a mission if she hears you need help

Anyone causing you problems will be slaughtered and presented to you as a gift

“See y/n, I took off their heads just for you.”

She can get very aggressive especially if she thinks you’re denying her advances

She won’t hurt you, beyond a little pinch or so, but she’ll make threats

She’s very sadistic and would be willing to lock you up

Having you as a pet is actually an attractive idea to her

She’ll take good care of you wherever you’re locked up, but she won’t allow many freedoms

“Look at my pretty pet. How lucky am I.”

The Captain:

He’s like a pet, always following you around

He’ll growl at people he doesn’t like around you

His arms are always around you, keeping you close

No one else is allowed to tend to you after missions

When he’s patching you up, he’ll run his hands along your arms and legs, lovingly caressing your limbs

He’ll use that as an excuse to stay around you

Popping in to “check on you” at all hours

You won’t even know he’s come in until he’s sitting on the edge of your bed

He’s the type the would sit there for a moment watching you breathe

If he can, he’ll try to get you to be his assistant

If he can convince the higher ups that he needs one, he’ll do whatever he can

Then he’ll be around you even when he works and will be able to protect you

No one on the battlefield will be able to even get close to you

He’ll ignore his own tasks to protect you

He’s extremely loyal and obsessive

The Doctor

Oh man it is terrifying when he has his eye on someone

He views it like just another experiment, wanting to test and push you

He’ll have you coming to him for “examinations” all the time

He’d likely put a bug on you

Suddenly he knows things you don’t remember telling him, but you can’t prove anything

People you like start disappearing, people you had no idea he knew about

If he suspects you’re starting to catch on and trying to get away, he’ll start drugging you

Then you’ll have to come to him if you’re going to get better

While he’s treating you, he’ll trick you mentally manipulating you to grow closer to him

You’re going to think so highly of him, forgetting all the red flags you’d seen before

He is absolutely a gas lighter but he’s damn good at it

Even if you have experience with this stuff you won’t pick up on it

It’s a game of cat and mouse with him

The Major

He is not subtle and does not care

Your needs or emotions don’t matter to him

If you don’t respond well to his advances he will make terrible threats

If that doesn’t work he’ll take it a step further, allowing the ghouls to get close to taking a bite out of you

Torture is the next step

He doesn’t care about your mood, he has to have you

“Y/N, why do you fight so hard when you know I’m just going to hurt you again?”

He’ll want to do most of it by hand, but if he needs to he will get the others involved

“Would you like me to make a spectacle out of you? I think the others would enjoy that.”

Behave and he won’t hurt you

If he gets mad enough he’ll remove your arms and legs

You’ll become his good little doll, always on display for him

Like a bird in a cage, you’re his favorite display item

#yandere #yandere behavior #integra hellsing x reader #integra x reader #walter x reader #walter c dornez x reader #seras x reader #seras victoria x reader #alucard x reader #jan valentine x reader #jan x reader #luke valentine x reader #luke x reader #rip van winkle x reader #rip x reader #the captain x reader #the doctor x reader #the major x reader

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saturnsstufff · 3 years

Note

okay as a chubby girl myself I struggle with how I see myself and this idea makes my heart KSHDHSJS

okay so imagine IMAGINE

Request maybe 🤔🤔🤔

Okay,, you’re standing in the mirror yk in your mirror at technos house/cottage in your underwear and stuff, grabbing at the chub and stuff looking upset and not feeling good about yourself, and techno walking into the room and seeing this. yk him being upset that you feel that way Bc he thinks youre just so pretty 🥺.

IT COULD EITHER GO INTO A SMUT( 😏 where he SHOWS you how much he loves you and how pretty he thinks you are in the mirror) OR FLUFF WITH SOFT WORDS AND CUDDLES or both idk

*slams hand on desk* IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS

I went with both, because I like options. I also based this off a little personal feelings so I hope it works!

My Goddess- Technoblade

Warnings: self conscious reader, swearing, NSFW

The mirror. Your best, but worst nightmare imaginable. Some days you could look into it and see beauty within your curves. Spend endless minutes hyping yourself up. 'Man I look good' 'I am the fucking shit' 'damn look at that' all little things you tell yourself in pride. Because in those moments, you feel powerful. In those moments you feel like you own the world, that others are just lucky to breathe within your presence.

However, there are bad days. There are days when looking into the mirror brings shame. Days when all you can do is grab at your stomach, and ponder of what you could have done, or what you will do. Its pressed that everyone is perfect in our own imaginable ways. Yet when you look at others, you cant help but be envious. Others can get away with wearing tight clothing, baggy clothing, any type of clothing. Yet when you try it on all you see is a box, if you wear tight clothing, every roll and muffin top pops out. It can be embarrassing.

Techno never saw your curves as embarrassing however. He loved them. He loved the plush, soft skin of your tummy or your thighs. Your hips? don't even ask what he thought on hips, as long as they were yours. They were perfect.

With that said, when he saw you saddened about your form he was slightly hurt. You thought he was beautiful, a hybrid of a monster. But yet you couldn't find the beauty within your rolls? Your plump little form? The very thing that made up you? If he ever found out who planted these seeds of lies in your mind, he would have words.

If you felt confident enough to take the world by the horns, he let you. He would build you up with sweet words of encouragement. 'Well don't you look amazing...' 'you are looking beautiful as ever'. They were small phrases but they meant a lot to you.

Techno isn't verbal with his love, or compliments really. He chooses to show it, words are just that. Words. Actions are done, are shown. They are physically put into motion. That's why he prefers it. But he also understands sometimes words are needed. They are needed to ease your nerves and doubtful mind.

when he catches you glaring at your plump form in the mirror, he cant help but quickly move to your side. Kneeling and kissing up your body. Your arms, your thighs, everything. In the beginning he would let you look away. The idea of someone liking your body type left you uncertain, many times you would ponder if his endless kisses were done as a joke. But each and every time he would reassure you that it was real. That him loving you, loving your body. It wasn't in pity, it was in genuine love.

Tonight was one of those bad nights. With Techno in the bath, you were left to change for bed. Wait for him to come out, and then cuddle the night away until the sun kissed the horizon.

But well you changed your eyes fell to the mirror. Your eyes casually roamed your body. You were used to looking at it so nothing stood out of course. But as you shifted, you caught a few stretch marks within the candle light. They looked like streaks of lightning that were dragged across your skin. With a quick glance away, you pulled something over your form. Wanting to cover your body and deal with that mental baggage later.

Of course the Hybrid that stood tall within the door frame held other ideas about that moment. The one thing that always put you at ease was Techno's size. Before you were in a relationship with him, you feared you wouldn't be able to wear your lovers clothing. Being a bit plumper meant "one size fit all" did not fit all. But luckily, with your roughly 6ish/7ish foot Piglin Hybrid of a lover, all of his clothing was a bit baggy on you. Technoblade was a very Built man, this came from his never ending training and his natural born strength of course. But even with him being built and big, the first time he asked you to sit on his lap had you hesitant. What if he found you too heavy? The idea of him asking you to move off would leave you completely mentally ruined. Of course when you finally sat he didn't utter any words besides praises. His hands running gently over your thighs, with a tight grasp he kept you close. When Techno saw you ease into his lap more often, he took pride in knowing you were comfortable enough to do it on a daily basis. That was when he upped the bar again. The day he asked you to sit on his face was the day you had a heart attack. You were so paranoid you would crush him. Of course he was all bemused smirks well you tried to think of excuses. Yet this man was able to ease your nerves and reassure you until you were comfortable once again. You would never forget how giddy he was to be between your thighs. That was the day he found his favorite spot.

Before you could ease some bottoms over your underwear, this man had his arms around you. Pushing against your hands. His nose was nuzzled into your neck muttering gently "Please, leave them off for now..." with a brow raised you complied. You let the shorts drop to the floor, assuming you would be coming for them in a brief moment. You could smell the lingering sent from his shampoo. The fresh smell giving you great comfort.

Techno moved you back to face the mirror, his head moving briefly so he could see you face yourself. With a light stubble scratching against your neck you felt the goosebumps rise. Your eyes met his ruby ones within the mirror. "Do you know, how beautiful you are?..." he asked rhetorically. Dragging out the words that he felt were important. You wanted to say no, but knew he wouldn't want that answer.

"I think I'm alright..." you said softly. He hummed and pressed a loving kiss to your neck. His hands slowly fell down to the buttons of the shirt you were wearing. Skillfully he undid them without thought. When you had pulled a shirt on you didn't think much, but now saw that it was his you wore. Of course he didn't mind, he never minded.

With the buttons undone he opened the shirt to expose your naked form. Every curve and roll on sweet display for him "You are beyond 'alright'... alright is basic. You know my goddess is beyond mortal definitions..." you gave a gentle smile at his charm, glancing away from his eyes. He didn't allow this tonight however. Instead he took your jaw and gently redirected it to the mirror. Meeting his gaze again.

"My love... My goddess, you know your body rivals the gods, yes?..." you slightly shrugged, unsure if this was true. With another loving kiss he continued. "Persephone had rolls... She was just as plump as you my love..." you fallowed his eyes gently. Him comparing you to the beautiful goddess left you feeling better. If someone so divine could have rolls why couldn't you?

He didn't stop there however. "If you cant see your beauty. Let me show you how beautiful you are..." his tone was pleading. Like a animal begging for spare scraps. You watched his eyes, his finger and thumb having control over your chin. You thought on his words and gave a brief nod to him. Trusting him and whatever he had planned.

Instead of immediately kissing you all over, he pulled away. Firmly telling you to keep your eyes on the mirror. You felt a bit awkward standing there, your legs shifting closer underneath you. He soon came back however, his crown in hand. You could also see he had a simple gray towel around his waist, showing he was fresh from the bath.

Your curiosity with the crown lingered, but you watched as he put it on your head. "You are a queen... My Queen... You will always be reminded of your everlasting beauty for as long as you are with me..." for not complementing a lot, tonight he was on a roll. Your eyes ran over the crown. The delicate and bright stones contrasting the shimmering gold well against your skin.

He walked around to the front of you, leaning down to meet your lips in a loving kiss. His hand found a firm places on your hip, and on the plush skin of your ass cheek. With a gentle, but firm grasp he moved and rolled the skin beneath his hand. Loving how soft you were. With his hands working soft whimpers and moans out of you, his mouth devoured them. Eating every noise you made, cherishing them deep within his heart.

Leaving your lips swollen he moved down. Kissing your jaw and neck. Planning to leave you a work of art. A show of how much he loves you.

After your neck it was your chest. Soft plump breasts fitting ever so sweetly within his hands. With firm grasps he had you flushed red whimpering. Your eyes half lidded with the sweet lingering pleasure. Yet you still watched yourself and him, knowing to not disobey him.

With soft kisses placed to the tops of your breasts and nipples he moved to your stomach. This is where you craved to look away. Wishing to hide yourself in his neck.

"T..T-Techno..." he hummed acknowledging your words. But he still pressed light kisses down to the hem of your underwear.

“Keep your eyes on the mirror." He said, pulling them down. Helping you step out of the discarded clothing. You couldn't see his face. Only his backside was facing the mirror, and even then his long wet hair hid most of his toned back.

His fingers ran through your slit briefly. His rings offered a major temperature difference between your heat and the cold metal. With a little squirm his hands moved and held you in place. Desiring to keep you in place before he moved his head in and started to devour you. Eating you out like it was his last meal on earth.

With a ever so sinful cry, you gripped at his hair. Begging for your knee's to not give out. With one hand on his head, the other one flew to the crown on your head. Trying to keep it on well you easily hunched over from the overwhelming pleasure. Techno never failed to leave you speechless- or should we say, he never left you quiet. Even if you could see yourself, you didn't think you would be able to focus much. Your eyes were tightly shut well your mouth ran between being in a 'O' and being locked shut.

He did pull back from your folds to speak. Earning a cry from you. You were getting close and him pulling away was painful. "You can cum. But you have to keep your eyes open" you nodded profusely. Agreeing to anything if it meant feeling his lips back on you. He lingering a moment. Making sure your eyes opened before he leaned back. Taking his time to show your clit attention before going back to his main course.

With your eyes looking back at you. You were unsure if you were ashamed with how blissed out you looked or happy. The whole scene in itself was erotic. You were incredibly small compared to the giant between your legs. His only drive to please you completely. Your eyes never left the mirror as he ate you out to your climax. Your hips stuttering and bucking, but proving no use to his iron grip. When you came he waisted no time at cleaning it up. He had no shame, that your cum was running down his chin. He was happy when you were pleased. And he knows you are definitely pleased after that climax.

But he wasn't finished. With your legs weakening he helped you down onto his lap. He let you collect yourself against his chest for a few moments his hand ran over your back.

"Doin' ok there Princess?..." you nodded slowly. Your chest rising and falling fast well you try and calm yourself. "Think you can do one more?" You nodded again well he pressed a kiss to your forehead, acknowledging your response. Adjusting his crown on your head, he moved so the mirror was beside you two. Showing both of your bodies, with the towel acting as a thin barrier.

When you both were situated he did remove the towel. With a strong arm he lifted you up and positioned his hardened cock at your entrance, wasting no spare moment to fill you up. Well you did try to hide within his neck, it proved no use. He made sure to turn your head to the mirror.

With your eyes hitting the mirror you saw how his head was beside yours. Your cheek was pressed to his chest well his was pressed to your forehead. His eyes lingeried your body. Drowning in your blissed out form. He found you utterly perfect.

Well your bodies were connected, it almost looked like art. With techno's sharp gaze and your blissed out reddened cheeks, the contrast was there but yet they went together in perfect harmony. With the roll of his hips he made sure to keep your eyes on the mirror. Wanting to drag out every cry and moan you could utter. He set his pace at a rhythmic thrust, wanting to not only pleasure you, but himself as well. Well you griped to his sides, he kept his hand on he back of your head gently. Wanting to keep your head facing the mirror. With sweet sinful praises he coached you to a second orgasm, his fallowing close behind. He kissed your head gently, keeping you close to him well he felt himself soften. when his eyes met yours in the mirror he smiled softly.

“Look at how beautiful you are... Always so, so beautiful Princess...”

#saturnsdarkside #technoblade x reader #technoblade x you #techno x reader #techno x you #technoblade x reader smut #techno x reader smut #fanfic #fanfiction #tb

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machinegunbun · 3 years

Note

concept: so i know we think of colson as this really rough guy when it comes to sex, but what about soft!dom col where he's strict but caring, and maybe the reader even has a bit of a praise kink. ❤❤

Omg yess

word count: 1.3k

A/N: sorry theres not a lot of smut, my brain got to wandering and I didn't feel the horniest so maybe pt.2? tons of fluff tho and its good to be back :)

Okay, so.

I'm thinking maybe reader has a past that left them uncomfortable with intimacy, whether from a relationship or otherwise. They're still super into freaky shit, but they need to feel comfortable first.

Does that make sense? Like, they need that safety blanket there first.

So obviously at first meeting Colson was scary, because to an outsider (especially early kells) he's this chaotic, sex machine.

It's clear to everyone that Reader is obviously attracted to him, and they are. They love the idea of doing all this kinky stuff with him, and at first Colson being Colson comes on kinda strong with the flirting, which makes them a little nervous to pursue anything.

But, one day, reader is hanging out with the gang (I imagine she's friends with Ashley [ that is his assistants name, right? God, it's been so long ] ) Maybe they're at a restaurant, nothing fancy just something where you seat yourself, and everyone squeezes into a booth, deliberately leaving no room for Colson and Reader, pointing to a two seater across the way.

You sit just far enough away from the group that you're out of earshot, and you can see them peeking the heads up and around the booth to try and catch a glimpse of what you're saying.

It's awkward at first, you're expecting him to drop some flirtatious joke that makes you choke on your drink, but instead he asks you how you met (whoever you're connected to in the group.) You tell him the story and return the question. He opens up about the fact that they're a day one, and even tells you about some of the stuff they went through together, good and bad. It's the first time you'd seen Colson not crazy or off something. He wasn't kicking out a windshield or hanging from the roof by a metal beam, he just was.

It was then that you realized the difference between MGK and Colson baker, and that before today at this restaurant you'd never met the latter.

Colson was able to express himself a lot better than MGK ever seemed to, at least when it came to you. He inquired a lot about you as a person, but the moment was ruined when you were in the midst of exchanging deep personal stories and Rook shot his straw wrapper at Colson and it bounced off his forehead and into his drink. Colson stood to return the favor, his story completely abandoned.

You didn't get a chance to speak to him like that again until two weeks later, when you met up once again in his hotel room. You were both sat on his bed watching spongebob, waiting for Rook, Slim and Baze to return with the bucket of ice. It wasn't a secret to anyone what they were doing, it didn't take three grown men to find an ice machine.

You didn't mind though.

Colson made you a little less nervous now that you'd seen him as someone other than the party animal you'd come accustomed to on stage. He was actually pretty cool, and really funny when he wasn't stressing you out with his antics.

When you asked him if he would finish his story for you he looked surprised.

"Oh, wow. You remember that?"

"Yeah, of course I do. It feels like the first time I ever really got to talk to you." He seemed uncomfortable at first, but continued with his story nonetheless.

The conversation flowed effortlessly until you began talking about how you always found Colson so interesting. He did things that terrified you like they were nothing. You admired his grab life by the balls attitude, and somewhere along the way of your ranting you opened up about how nervous intimacy made you. How most of the time the only way you could ever get off was by masturbating.

You hadn't even brought it up with him in mind, but the relation clicked immediately for him.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry."

"No, it's really nothing," you laugh nervously "I think it's just anxiety, I dunno. I'm paranoid."

"No, no. I'm sorry for the way I always talk about you— To you." he corrected "I never realized it made you uncomfortable. You always seemed into it, but I should've been more considerate and I'm sorry. I never would have— If i'd known I was making you uncomfortable—" He rambled

"Colson, it's fine." You cut him off "I mean, I am into a lot of the same stuff as you, It's just... I tend to like the concept a lot more than the reality because I am worried, and I need to feel safe before I can even consider something like that."

Colson must've really taken the conversation to heart, because he treated you a lot differently after that. When he'd heard that his loud onstage personality made you a little nervous he was sure to cool it when he was around you. He made sure to address you directly more often when you hung out in groups, whether to joke with you or as a conversation starter. He hadn't realized how uncomfortable and ostracized you'd been feeling in the group aside from your connection to it, but he was determined to change that.

It took a little bit, but eventually you really were comfortable with him, even when he was acting wild. You realized that being an anxious person and being around someone loud like him that you didn't really know was a little off-putting. Large crowds were hard enough for you, but with constant abrupt movement and noise it only worked to make you more anxious. Once you knew Colson a little better it didn't bother you as much, and he even helped you to become a little more comfortable and a little less anxious.

So when you found yourself in his hotel room once again, finishing the tail end of a family guy episode, you decided to make your move.

You weren't really sure how to start. Not with Colson.

You managed to awkwardly snuggle your way into his side, to which he gladly obliged, but you both remained silent apartment from the episode flashing on the tv. Glancing up at Colson, he stared blankly at the TV, glimpsing down to you momentarily to see what you were looking at him for. Your eyes returned to the TV soon after, your hand finding its resting spot just above his XXX tat.

You could feel Colson's chest shake softly with laughter. You tried to remember what had just happened in the show, but you were so busy anxiously devising your master plan to seduce him that you completely blanked. You could feel your heart beating in your chest. All you wanted was for him to blindfold and tie you to the bed and fucking own you. Everything about him drove you crazy. From his voice to his tats to his eyes to that fucking hair. God, you wanted nothing more than to have him between your legs while you tugged at those beautiful curls.

Your hand drifted lower, your nails scraping softly across his skin. This time he audibly chuckled.

"Are you tryna fuck me?" he asks, causing you to blush. It wasn't that you thought you were being sly, but you didn't expect to be confronted like that.

"I-"

"You're good, it's cute that you're shy, I just don't fuck with that teasing shit so, unless you wanna get yourself in trouble..." Although the words were harsh, his tone was soft. Things progressed quickly after that, your lips meeting in a heated kiss to your hands pinned above your head, his mouth moving to your neck as he whispers in your ear

"What's your safe word, princess?"

~*~*~*~

taglist

@kidtheekid

@cclynn88

@lonerlee

@madisonmgklover22

@bakedcolson

@triplexdoublex

@chokemeshaw

@myfatbottomedgirls

@friedwangsss

@rumoured-whispers

@sunflowerbebe07

@nichmeddar

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blackenedwhite97 · 3 years

Text

Coming Out [Poly! Erasermic x {Fem}Reader]

Hello! this was a requested fic from like before Christmas. I'M A MESS I KNOW I'M SORRY! I’ll be catching up at some point, I'm in my final sem at uni and have MAJOR senioritis. Me no do unless me have to. Instead, now I just spend my time staring at the existential abyss the threatens to swallow my ceiling and think about everything I'm procrastinating. But I digress...

Content Warning: This story is of a negative experience coming out as poly to your family, this deals with rejection from the reader's mother, father, and a grandparent. This story demonstrates Homophobia, xenophobia, traditionalist and conservative values and attitudes and may be triggering to some folks.

This story includes a Polyamorous relationship

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

Word Count: 3.7 K (A baby story)

Y/N --- 4:06pm

Hey can my roomates come to dinner?

DAD --- 4:06

You mean the gays?

Y/M --- 4:08

Please don’t call them that. Neither of them are gay anyways, there’s more than just gay or straight.

DAD --- 4:10

Yeah whatever. Let your mom decide.

MOM --- 5:12

Sure, they can come.

Mom --- 5:23

Gma might be coming dinner tho. Maybe talk to them?

That conversation should have been enough of a warning for how the evening was going to transpire. At news of your grandmother attending dinner, you panicked and tried to back out of your plans. You had been growing steadily farther apart from your parents anyways, barely seeing them more that once a year if that. It’s not like they didn’t have their suspicions anyways, to them you were a single woman living in the big city sharing an apartment with two gay men. Not that they’d ever been to the apartment. If they had they might have notice that one of the two “bedrooms” was being used as an office. Earlier on in the relationship you were so deeply uncomfortable being around your parents alone, that you had Shouta come with you every visit because you were so paranoid you were just going to come out on the spot.

At first your parents were sure that you and Shouta were together. He had subconsciously cleaned up quite nice the first few times he met your parents anyways, wanting to make a good impression on them if you finally did tell them about your polyamorous relationship. Then as time went on you got busier and started to see them less. Shouta’s parents lived in the suburbs and you saw them on holidays, plus Shouta had come out to them as being bisexual a long time ago and hadn’t felt much pressure to hide the polyamorous nature of your relationship to begin with. Hizashi’s mom was still a city dweller in her 60’s and on top of doing the cute mom things like baking fantastic cookies and handing down family jewelry to the daughter in law, she’d also taken Hizashi and Shouta to their first pride in Tokyo and had an in-home recording studio where she recorded for local punk bands. She was, quite literally, a cool mom.

You gnawed vigorously at your thumbnail, not quiet biting the whole way through, instead riddling it with dents and cracks. Chewing your nails wasn’t a habit you’d always had, it became a sort of silent worry thing you started to do when you got to your agency and had to remain still and quiet during briefings, no matter how terrible the news was. Your ruined nail beds were an atrocity to Hizashi, who had paid several times for you to get a manicure to get your nails short and evenly trimmed so you could manage them on your own. You still somehow found a way to gnaw on the short squared off nubs of your nails though, and it drove him nuts. Shouta cared less, his hands were in ridiculous shape, he was callused and bruised, cracked and flaking all over the place and Hizashi would regularly force moisturizer on them. Shouta cared more about figure out the root stress, it’s not that Hizashi didn’t, he just didn’t know how to, so he settled for pampering you.

“It’s dead.” Hizashi huffed from the bedroom door. “Obliterated, actually.”

“Hmm?” You looked up from your phone, you hadn’t been reading any of the messages in the chat for a good few minutes and just let your eyes unfocus instead. You yanked your thumb from your mouth and hid it below the table like a child caught with a sweet they’d snuck from the kitchen before dinner, you knew he saw.

“Your nail.” Hizashi gently patted the end of his hair with his special fluffy towel that he’d convinced you and Shouta he needed to control his frizz (which he didn’t have) and padded towards the kitchen table where you sat. He placed a kiss on the top of your head as he strode around you.

“What’s up, love?” he murmured softly, leaning against the table next you. One of his legs propped up on the chair to your right and leaned down to look at your phone screen.

“This is going to go horribly.” You breathed, panicked as you set your phone down on the table.

“You don’t know that.” Hizashi looked back up at you and smiled sweetly.

“Not everyone’s mom is a cool rocker lady in her 60’s who lives in the heart of downtown still and is fully supportive of her child’s bisexual polyamorous relationship with their childhood best friend and an ex-small-town girl with an ultra-conservative family.” You huffed out in one long breath.

“That was oddly specific.” He chuckled softly. “What about Sho’s parents, they’re conservative?”

“Yeah, but his parents are at least polite and send us both Christmas gifts every year and keep any and all of their shittier opinions to themselves because they want their son to be happy.” You groaned dramatically, dropping your head onto his thigh, using the extra meat to muffle the noise.

“Y-your-” Hizashi’s leg twitched from the vibrations of your groan. “Your parents want you to be happy too, Y/n.”

You groaned into his thigh, trying to explain the difference between your parent’s and Shouta’s. Hizashi laughed and gently grabbed the side of your face, lifting it so you were no longer muffled by his leg.

“Try again.” He instructed.

“They only want me to be happy if it fits into their rigid frame of what acceptable happiness looks like.” You explained again.

“Hey,” Hizashi ran his thumb back and forth across your cheek, “have faith, baby. They’re your family, they love you.”

If only he’d been right.

Shouta was the know it all, the one that way always right. Hizashi on the other hand was quiet used to being the one that was not always right, he had no hubris about his intelligence what-so-ever. So much so that sometimes you and Shouta had to remind him that he was intelligent and offered a lot of knowledge and wisdom in many many ways: public speaking, social relationships, radio scripting, he spoke two languages fluently as well. However, this one-time Hizashi wished dearly that he had been right, that he was an insufferable know it all who never got it wrong. It was a different twisted feeling in his gut, sitting the back seat watching you try to keep it together in the front seat, than the usual mild embarrassment that faded after a couple of minutes when he was wrong about something. That was damn near luxurious compared to the painful knot tearing into his stomach.

The silence in the car was so dense and absolute that it almost physically gagged Hizashi and Shouta, the two of them were too afraid to say anything and break it. It felt as though the heavy silence was keeping you from breaking, as if it were applying enough pressure at all sides to keep the thin veneer of composure you were managing together. You felt it too, along with the heavy weight that was nearly crushing your chest, the thick doughy lump clogging your throat and the tremble in your lips. You took a deep breath, it getting caught halfway and freezing in to an unrealized sob that you pushed down.

Shouta huffed and pulled off to the side of the dark country road, slowing into the gravelly shoulder. He turned in his seat to face you, undoing his seat belt so he could fully turn his body. You kept your eyes out the window, trying with all your might not to let the tears that clouded your eyes to fall. You knew you’d need to cry about this, about your parents and their conditional love. You knew that this was something you would need to deal with, but you didn’t want to at this moment. You wanted to go home, take some sleeping medication and go to sleep, you wanted to wait until the open wound in your chest had stopped bleeding to begin treating it.

Your father was being facetious about your living arrangement as usual, whenever he was faced with Shouta and Hizashi his first reaction was to constantly point out that fact that you were a woman living with two men and that if they weren’t gay that one of them should have married you by now. Shouta and Hizashi had taken these comments like water rolling off of a duck’s back, Hizashi even grinned and mumbled something about your father tempting him. You could have kept your mouth shut, you could have kept your cool but Shouta’s hand was brushing against your thigh and you felt it tense into an annoyed fist. Something about Shouta’s minimal reaction lit a fire in you, more like an explosion. It was a surge of very sudden and very ferocious courage that lasted a split second and no longer. You’d practically shouted it, the ringing in your ears drowning whatever words you’d used out.

You were met with complete and utter silence, shock and fear thick in the air. You’d almost believed for a moment that you hadn’t done it, that you’d just shouted randomly and just scared everyone. But then your dad stood up, his shocked open mouth flattening out into a hard straight line, this jaw swelling as he clenched it.

“W-what?” he growled, stepping back from the table as if you were a threat.

You were ready to backtrack, you were so ready to just laugh and pretend you were fucking with him. But you spared a glance to Shouta and Hizashi, their faces pale and guilty. They, regardless of what you could say in an attempt to cover up what you’d just said, were basically admitting to it already. You instinctively shrunk back into your chair like you’d do when you were younger at the dinner table whenever something uncomfortable would come up. You could tell everyone was at a loss for words, the difference was that you were scared and at a loss for words, Shouta and Hizashi were shocked and at a loss for words and your father was steaming angry and at a loss for words.

Your mother, who had always been the least confrontational of the two turned away from you and almost in a show of disgust immediately went to comfort your grandmother. It was as if you were an afront to goodness, an act of moral atrocity being committed in front of them. Your father began to barrage you with passive aggressive questions and accusations towards Shouta and Hizashi. He was trying to understand while at the same time refusing to give you a chance to explain. You stopped listening after the first few sentences that came out of his mouth, falling back into an internal monologue filled with regret. He must have said something exceptionally terrible because in an instant Shouta was standing, his arm reaching out to separate you from him and he was shouting. Shouta never shouted, he barely voiced any form of annoyance or frustration in general when it wasn’t a learning moment for his students, but here he was on his feet volleying harsh word with your father.

Hizashi, you realized was attempting damage control, his hands raised and his voice lower than either of the other two men’s. You blinked back into the present, as noise filled your ears, you mother was crying, your father and Shouta were shouting and Hizashi was rambling panicked. You took a couple of deep breaths and stood up on shaky legs, gripping Shouta’s protective arm for support, and looked your father in the eyes. He faltered at the direct eye contact and you saw an opening where there was less shouting to contend with.

“Stop,” you hissed through gritted teeth. “this is why I never wanted to tell you! Why I was perfectly okay with living away from you guys for the rest- This is why I haven’t been home.”

Your mother gasped a ragged, tear-filled breath. She’d expressed before that she’d wished she could see you more often, that she’s noticed you’d been coming home less and less. You’d been good at covering it up, saying you were busy with work and simply couldn’t get the time off. You knew that what you’d just said hurt her, not in the way it should have. It hurt her because you’d just told them it was their fault that you felt unwelcomed here and not because you were afraid of your own parents.

“How long?” she breathed.

“Three years.” You sniffed, hand tightening around Shouta’s wrist.

“THREE?! THR-” your father bellowed in disbelief. “For three years they’ve been brainwashing and forcing themselves on you?!”

Suddenly you understood why Shouta had leapt up, you had just now caught up with the conversation. Red hot anger flared up in your chest, the mere insinuation that you were being forced in anyway to be with your partners filled you with utter rage.

“No!” You growled, for the first time in your life matching your father’s volume. “For three years they’ve been by my side, showing up at the hospital when I got hurt at work, celebrating my promotions at the agency, helping me make a home that I feel safe in and actually fucking caring about me!”

There was silence again, this one was thin but not light in anyway, like it was a delicate thread barely holding a great weight from falling and crushing you.

“We care for you.” You mother said darkly.

“No,” you swallowed hard, “you haven’t for a long time.”

“Get out.” You father growled.

Hizashi was already moving, grabbing your coats from the back of the chairs and pulling Shouta by the arm away from the table. It took you a good long second to move, even then it was because Shouta latched onto your shoulders and Hizashi tugged him along.

“I’m sorry.” Shouta whispered, his hand finding yours in your lap. You kept your eyes focused out the window at the pitch-black fields with barely visible for off golden dots of light. You couldn’t talk.

You heard Hizashi shuffling around in the back seat, scooting closer to you and his hand joined Shouta’s, pulling up onto the storage compartment between the seats. It was cracking, that veneer.

“It’s not your fault.” Hizashi murmured.

You sniffed hard, biting int you bottom lip. Of course, it wasn’t your fault that your parents didn’t accept you, that you weren’t good enough or right for them, that you weren’t on par with the apparent morality of the rest of the family. It wasn’t your fault that they were backwards people with terrible ideas of how a person should be. It still didn’t hurt any less that you couldn’t meet those backwards ideals, that you couldn’t be the right kind of person for them.

“Y/n,” Shouta whispered, gently grabbing your chin and turning your face towards them.

They were looking at you the way a mother looks at her crying baby in the first few months, the desperate need to connect and nurture glowing in their eyes. They were filled with worry, with pity, with understanding but also, with fear. No doubt, what had just happened had been traumatic for them too. Looking into their emotion filled eyes you felt that veneer shatter, falling away and unleashing that mournful sobbing that had been trapped inside.

Shouta pulled you towards him, holding you firmly to his chest placing his head atop yours. You vaguely felt Hizashi disappear from you for a moment, but you were too preoccupied with the trembling muscles seizing violently in your chest. Then you felt him sliding in behind you, only now realizing he’d stepped out of the car and slide in through your door as he shut it behind him. He draped himself over you rubbing circles into your back.

“It’s not your fault.” He murmured into your hair over and over again.

At first you didn’t really focus on it, thinking it idle words of comfort but the more he said the more it sunk in. The more your realized that you were holding onto the hope that there was something about this, about you, that you could fix. With every repetition of those four words that false hope chipped away and that heavy weight in your chest began to fall away. It was still painful, it still felt like you had a pen festering wound that you’d never fully heal from, but it also felt lighter. It felt as though a burden you’d believed was yours to bear was suddenly the responsibility of the many.

“You don’t have to change,” Shouta whispered softly as your sobs ebbed into weak beaths, “they do.”

That reignited some tears, to hear what you needed to said so plainly. Shouta was good at that, putting those intangible thoughts and feelings into plain words. You cried until the tears and the worry and the late hour caught up with you, until your head felt heavy and waterlogged and you slumped backwards into Hizashi sniffing. You cried until your wavering breaths evened out and your tired mind fell to silence. Hizashi pulled you into his lap and cradled you against him like a parent holding and oversized child, running his hand slowly through your hair.

When you awoke you were swaddled thoroughly with the fuzzy blanket from the couch Shouta hated because it shed and sandwiched between the two men who snored away. As you blinked in the early morning light that just barely peaked through the blinds you noticed the red rims around Hizashi’s eyes and deep-set circles under Shouta’s as if they both been awake all night. Shouta was still in his dress shirt and Hizashi had stripped down to his boxers and pulled his hair back into a sloppy bun. Neither were properly snoring which told they hadn’t been asleep for very long.

You tried to ignore what had happened last night, what had led to the heavy feeling in your head and crusty dry eyes and tight cheeks. You tried to pretend that they had stayed up for work, that they you had swaddled yourself up in the blanket nor because you were sad but because you just wanted to be cozy. Then you heard a phone vibrate on the nightstand and any and all work towards denial washed away as you dreaded checking it. It could just be a work thing, it could be Hizashi’s phone even though he’d never had it on silent even once since you’ve known him. It could have been Shouta’s vibrating against the wooden table even though you could see his slightly peeking out of his back pocket.

You sighed and sat up, daring the smallest of glances at the nightstand. It was your phone screen that was lit up, several notifications on the screen. You groaned and laid back down, scrunching your eyes shut begging for sleep to suddenly and miraculously take you. It buzzed again and you huffed. Fine. You’ll check it. I guess someone could be dying. I do stop that from happening for a living.

You very cautiously crawled over Hizashi and reached to get your phone, electing not to look at it until you settled back between your boys. You scrolled though your notifications, weather, news, a work email, a second email from a contact that made your blood run cold and three missed calls and two answering machine messages from the same contact. Grandma. Your hands trembled at you unlocked your phone and typed int your voicemail password. You held the phone up to you ear and listen to the first message which was more or less just some frustrated grandma noises and mumbles about the inconvenience of technology, followed briefly by a set of hellos. If you hadn’t been ready to shit yourself, you’d have laughed. Then the second played and you had to take a deep breath to hold yourself together enough to keep listening.

“Hello? Hello? Y/n? Oh shi- well this is just ridiculous. Y/n, I don’t know if you can hear me, or maybe this is your answering machine, I don’t know I can’t hear too well but-” her soft worn voice said into the phone, “I want you to know that I love you. Your parents love you too, even if they did not act like it tonight.”

She paused and your eyes welled up with tears, a lump forming in your throat. It was this strange feeling of pure sadness but also happiness and relief.

“Those boys,” she continued, “probably would have killed your father last night if they had the chance. I’m not saying I get it, but they sure do love you, sweetheart. I quite like the blond one he is very-”

The message cut off and the automated voice asked you what you wanted to do with the message. All you could do was laugh, laugh and cry. You were still sad, still in pain, but it was already starting to feel less life-ending.

“Hey,” Shouta mumbled blearily, “S’okay. I’m here.”

He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close, trying to pull himself from sleep. You hugged him back and massaged the back of his scalp gently.

“Listen to this.” You sniffed.

He nodded and you pressed repeat, listening to the whole second message through again. You watched as a smile spread across his sleepy lips and he laughed softly. He pouted suddenly when it ended, his eyebrows pulling together as much as his drowsy state would let them.

“What?” you asked, worried he’d heard something you‘d missed.

“Why does she like Zash more?” he grumbled, barely awake now.

You smiled and curled into him, electing not to answer knowing that he wouldn’t like being told that Hizashi is more sociable than him. Besides, you smiled to yourself, he’d be asleep in a matter of seconds.

You were still hurt; you still had that big open wound in your chest. But with Shouta and Hizashi at your side you knew you’d heal; you knew they’d give you anything you needed. You knew that your grandmother was right, that these two boys loved you very much.

#polyerasermic #eraserhead #erasermic #erasermic x reader #present mic #present mic x reader #present mic x aizawa #eraserhead x reader x present mic #eraserhead x reader #reader insert #bnha #mha #myhero #my hero academia #my hero fanfic #bnha fanfiction #y/n x mha #y/n x bnha

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merakiui · 3 years

Note

hello!!<3 can i request an angst scenario (it can have a happy ending it's up to you!!) childe x fem!reader where they are together for some time and she didn't know he's fatui (she hates them bc her parents were in debt and overall they ruined her life and he's too scared to tell her) but she finds out and wants to broke up?? THANK YOU

In which you discover Childe’s ties to the Fatui.

cw: angst, debt, small mention of depression as a result of debt, female reader note - I woke up and chose pain with this one. >:) it also got long;;; oops!

You hate the Fatui. And although that’s such a strong, hurtful word it's your true feelings. You’ve never experienced their wrath firsthand, but you have witnessed what it can do to people. Your sweet, loving parents, who took loans out of the bank in order to pay for repairs to their shop, were reduced to frightful messes at the mere mention of that harrowing F-word.

It’s horrible to see them in such a state, especially since a few agents had come by once and practically demanded the money. As a result of such a distasteful discussion, you refuse to go into any sort of monetary career: trader, merchant, and even a wandering saleswoman. You’ll find a way to make things right by getting a job that will bring in lots of riches for your poor parents. Then the Fatui will have no choice but to leave your family alone.

Your own funds have dried up, having gone into another Fatui agent’s gloved hands. You can’t even argue because you have an inkling as to what will happen when you finally run out of money to give. Ever since this entire debt charade, your parents have become hollow shells of their former selves: paranoid, depressed, and starved of the happiness that comes with being in a regular, debt-free family.

Childe tunes into your rant as if someone had just turned on the switch that designates his listening skills. The two of you are sitting on a lovely hilltop, watching the stars twinkle in and out of focus. Liyue Harbor can be seen from afar, glittering in warm colors of gold and red. If Childe remembers correctly, another festival should be right around the corner. He’ll have to take you when he finds time to slink away from his work.

Speaking of his work, he’s never actually told you about it. When you asked, he simply said it was a job that allowed him to travel. It sounded like a traveling merchant to you—perhaps even a fishmonger specializing in exotic types—considering he was seemingly loaded with Mora. It made you jealous that he was so well-off with his finances, but you couldn’t complain when he so readily emptied his pockets for your sake.

“And then that stupid agent shows up at our door right when I get home! It’s the worst timing ever. My parents were pretending to be out of the house and I showed up and ruined their plan.” A heavy sigh tumbles from your lips as you flop back onto the grass, where Childe fixes you with a lopsided, sympathetic grin. “I hate it. They’re not even themselves anymore. It’s like they lost all sense of life. I’m picking up as many commissions as I can, but it doesn’t even help. The Fatui just take it all faster than I can save it.”

“They’re the worst, aren’t they?”

“And the sky isn’t blue. Of course they’re the worst!” You inhale softly. “No use getting mad about something that already happened, though.”

“You’ll just give yourself more stress and you don’t need that.” He joins you on the plush grass, turning his head to look at you rather than up at the inky night sky. “I can help with your commissions, you know. I’ve been itching to smash some hilichurl camps.”

“I can handle it myself. It’s fine.” Only it’s not and you’ve started realizing that. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Funny. I was going to ask you something, too!”

“Oh. Uh...”

He chuckles, staring at you with blue eyes that don’t sparkle. “There’s this festival coming up and I wanted to take you. It’ll be just the two of us for one night. You can forget all about work and money—”

“What about you? You said your job has you traveling all over the place. That’s why we’ll rarely see each other in the future. Once you’re done here in Liyue, that is.” You move onto your side, holding yourself up on your elbow. “I don’t think it’ll work.”

“Well, my boss doesn’t have to know. It’ll be our tiny secret!”

You roll your eyes, smiling a little. Deep inside you’ve always felt like something was off about his story. For the past few months, he’s remained in Liyue and once you even caught him slipping into Northland Bank when you were running some errands. You hope he isn’t in a similar situation concerning debt and poverty. No, he wouldn’t need to be. He’s shown you just how many lavish things his funds can afford. Why would he be in debt if he has a stable job?

“Are you...doing something bad?”

You could’ve phrased that better, but it’s already out in the open now. Sheepishly, you avoid his befuddled stare, opting to watch the moon as its light becomes obscured behind a dark cloud. An airy chuckle escapes him, but he doesn’t say anything. His silence confirms your fears and it dawns upon you that he hasn’t been truthful this entire time.

“This mask.” It’s in your hands before he can stop you. You’re tapping at it with a finger, equal parts curious and apprehensive. You refuse to beat around the bush; your doubtful gaze catches his and it hardens at once. “You’re Fatui, aren’t you?”

He sits up calmly, holding out his hand. “That’s quite the accusation, my dear. Let’s not jump to conclusions.”

“I’m not jumping to any conclusion. I’m right, aren’t I?” Now you’re sitting up, staggering to your feet to find some sort of leverage over him. He’s taller than you and far more powerful than he once let on. “Childe, why would—“

He sighs, lowering his hand out of defeat. “I suppose there’s no point avoiding it now. You were bound to find out one of these days.”

“One of these days? What? Like, when my family’s on the streets because the Fatui took our house?”

It hurts that he wasn’t honest and it hurts even more knowing that he has the power to help. He could’ve spent his time working out ways to get you out of debt, yet he decided to shower you in affection and useless trinkets! Trinkets that are only good for selling and receiving money to pay off the debt. You could cry; that’s how much it hurts. And when he makes no solid effort to comfort you, the tears begin to form.

“Of course not. I’d never let that happen!”

“Then why would you lie about it? Why not help me? Why can’t you just be honest? You always avoid questions you don’t want to answer and I hate it! I’ve been with you long enough to know that that mask is bad news. I was just waiting for you to confirm it, but you didn’t.”

You think it’s selfish for wanting his help—for wanting help from a Fatui agent, no less—but you’re too upset to care.

“(Name), you know that’s—“

“What else haven’t you told me? What else have you lied about? I don’t care if you’re trying to protect me. I’m already on a list. The Fatui still show up to my house and you just...let them. Why?”

“If I interfered, it would look bad in front of Her Majesty. You know I can’t go against her orders. I want to help you—I do. But...”

You’re fumbling for new words, at a complete loss with yourself. No matter how many questions you spout, he’ll evade them like they’re optional. And even if you want answers and honesty more than anything right now, you know he’ll fail to provide it. You shove the mask into his hands, shaking your head in disbelief. A swell of emotions overcome you: sadness, anger, and regret. You feel utterly betrayed. The sweet Childe, whom you once thought was your perfect match, is working for the Fatui—the people who have turned your life into misery.

And that’s probably not even the half of it.

“Let’s break up,” you say before he can spin another false tale. Another easy excuse to avoid this downfall. Childe stops short to stare at you in surprise and it’s weird to see that emotion scrawled across his face. He’s usually smooth and collected; he always knows what to say and how to act. Not this time, though. “It’s not going to work if we’re together while the Fatui are hounding my parents. And they wouldn’t approve of our relationship either.”

“Now, (Name), wait a moment. You’re not thinking straight. You’re just—” He struggles to find the correct words and in that small moment between foggy clarity and paralyzing uncertainty he plasters another plastic smile on. “Look. I know you’re upset, but I didn’t mean to lie to you. I was going to tell you eventually. Just had to find the right time to do it, you know?"

“I know. And that’s why we should go our separate ways.” Like Childe, you also put on a faux show, building up your walls as high and strong as his are. You don’t think you’ll last another minute in his presence, as you’re far too close to tears. “Thank you again for tonight. I’ll take my leave now.”

Rather than pain, it’s bitter when your lips fall upon his soft cheek. And the gesture stings harder than a slap on the wrist.

The searing pain returns when you pull away and begin the descent from the hill as fast as your trembling legs will allow. You refuse to look back and fall into his arms in hopes that he’ll reassure you. The fact that he doesn’t chase after you—doesn’t even call out—stabs your conflicted heart and it’s more than enough confirmation. Childe isn’t exactly boyfriend material. He’s callous when it comes to a battle and he’s driven by his own ulterior motives. Surely this relationship was just a means of spending his extra time when he found himself bored and lacking a fight. Maybe he thought of his work when the two of you were on secretive dates. Maybe his heart was empty when the two of you were intimate. Maybe you were just the glue holding this crumbling bond together.

Childe remains on that hilltop, watching you disappear into the distance. And it’s then when realizes he’s lost you. The feeling is different from the battlefield and it’s far more real than when he’s snooping around as a Harbinger. You’re just a normal, good-natured citizen and he...ruined that part of you. With his ties to an enemy that has crushed your family. He’s partly, if not fully, responsible for what transpired just now and for the first time in a while real guilt gnaws at him. He’s left wondering why he did all of that—why he couldn’t just face your questions head-on.

It’s his fault, isn’t it?

On that windy hilltop, under the silent, disapproving darkness of the sky, he’s left to pick up the pieces of a fractured relationship. And it’s all because he couldn’t admit the truth to his precious girlfriend.

In a way, the Fatui have taken something from him, too, and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to patch it up with honeyed promises.

Looks like we won’t be going to that festival anytime soon...

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scenario #genshin impact childe #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact ajax #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #ajax x reader #childe #tartagila #ajax #i hope it was good!!#i wanted to capture childe's undesirable #personality traits in this #such as his tendency to lie smoothly #and avoid prying questions #tw: angst

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

Note

R!Ciel and O!Ciel fighting for childhood female darling (Do you think they could share?)

Here again, please keep in mind that I’m not completely finished with the manga yet.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, manipulation, paranoia, threatening, blackmailing, bribing, controlling behavior, sabotage, kidnapping

R!Ciel and O!Ciel fighting over their childhood friend

☕️🍵I don't think they would be able to share, at least not with both of the twins agreeing willingly or even reluctantly. Ciel thinks that he has the right to be the heir of the Phantomhive manor since he fulfilled all the duties of one the last four years whilst his brother wasn't there. He was clearly enraged due to the inauspicious return of his older brother and declared war to him by dismantling one of the blood factories which "Ciel" needs to function. He is exceedingly competitive and doesn't stop fighting until a victor is declared. It's the same with fighting over the same darling

☕🍵"Ciel" on the other hand desires a rivalry between his brother and was somewhat excited when finding out about the blood factory. On the other hand he seems to have an obsession over his little brother and it probably intensified after after he became a Bizarre Doll. Such creatures run on their past dreams and "Ciel's" past dream used to be with his little brother and the darling. So his obsession became stronger too, for both the darling and Ciel. He still wants to be with his brother, but after he nearly died and was saved from Undertaker, he became so much more willing to cause his little brother great troubles. I can see him planning to win against his brother, for the position of the heir of the Phantomhive and the darling, and afterwards get his hands on his brother as well and controlling and keeping them both for himself. Despite all he does still care for his brother, in a twisted sense, but it's there! He would still not be above taunting his brother if he should win.

☕🍵Even when all of you were younger, "Ciel" was already very possessive of the both of you. He was most likely more lenient with letting his brother spent time with you since Ciel suffered from asthma and for that couldn't leave the house for a longer time until it slowly got better and he was able to leave the house more often too. "Ciel" wanted to protect you even back then, together with his brother you were very important to him. I do not doubt that he might have liked you even back then, just like his younger brother did. Back then Ciel had a bit more of an advantage, most likely because he wasn't engaged to Lizzy. So the small boy sometimes talked that he wanted to marry you later on since you were together with his older brother one of the very few people who he was able to play and spent time with. He shared maybe the dream of opening a toy store in England together with you.

☕🍵"Ciel" was jealous because of this all, because his little brother and the girl he liked didn't have to be forced into the things he had to do. His partne had already been chosen, his life was already decided. He cared for his brother and knew that Ciel liked you, but he got jealous nevertheless and it might have led him to pleading his father if he could eventually not be the fiancé of Elizabeth, but with you. He had this dream of marrying you, just like his brother had. His parents most likely knew about his and Ciel's love of you and it worried them a bit. But separating you from the twins was a bad idea. "Ciel" would express his frustration an his anger and Ciel would be saddened and in a bad mood with his older brother reassuring him that you'll come back to them.

☕🍵But "Ciel" was from a very early age on just so much more charming than his younger brother was. He was more open, more playful, more fun to be with and could do much more with you than his brother could. It made Ciel worry a lot, knowing that due to his sickness he couldn't do all the things his brother could do. Due to that he always clinged somewhat onto you whenever you were with him. He was insecure, knowing that his brother was more of a fitting partner you might later on desire than him and due to that like him better later on that him.

☕🍵After "Ciel" died, his brother took his identity and the name of the Earl of Phantomhive. He had become a more cold and cruel individual. He had lost his brother and went through a terrifying experience which made him much more possessive over his childhood friend. He most likely managed to break off the engagement, using Sebastian as a way to set up rumors which led to the Midford's and him ending the engagement. He would be very smart about it just like his brother would be, though he would be more colder about it. I think since you knew them since childhood, you might realize that this isn't the real Ciel, but his little brother. And Ciel himself wouldn't want to keep this a secret for too long either. He had to go as a child through the fear of the darling potentially ending up liking "Ciel" more than him and whilst he didn't plan on his brother to die, he takes this advantage to make the darling his.

☕🍵He most likely kidnapped his darling so she wouldn't tell anyone about his real identity and locked her just up in his house with Sebastian and the servants making sure she doesn't escape. The servanta have unswaying loyalty towards their master so they wouldn't really believe you whenever you tell them that this isn't the real Ciel. You're somewhat stuck with Ciel having the upper hand.

☕🍵So the sudden appearance of "Ciel" ruined his plans and if it wouldn't have been for Lau and Ran Mao helping him escape, he would have ended up in a lot more troubles. "Ciel" would be for now the one who has a hold on his darling since she would be really thankful for his appearance since Ciel kept her isolated all for himself and it is also good to finally have the truth spilled out. Whilst "Ciel" isn't necessarily angry with his younger brother taking his identity, he is mad that Ciel treated you the way he did, abusing you directly mentally and being harsh with you. This isn't "Ciel's" style. I don't say he's any better, he is actually the more terrible one. But he is just so much more sly and charming about his way of manipulation and after years of being kept from the world, and since Ciel isn't the best in showing affection and his feelings too openly, the darling is just starved for more human feelings which "Ciel" uses to his advantage.

☕🍵He brings his darling into staying isolated anyways, whatever love he held beforehand for her became twisted and enhanced due to his transformation into a Bizarre Doll, though he doesn't tell his darling from this so she doesn't feel freaked out or scared. But he does uses his sudden physical dysfunction and weakness to guilt-trip her into staying with him. He was for years away and went through too much so it would be no wonder in her mind that he himself is love starved as well. He would be so much smarter about the engagement and use Elizabeth's confused feelings to break off the engagement again, but this time officially since the previous break up wasn't real due to his brother playing his role.

☕🍵He would quickly progress into courting his darling and making her his fiancée. He would just end up confessing his love after just spending time with her and given the circumstances, she might not have the heart to reject him and there is probably also the thought in her mind that this is "Ciel", the charming and caring boy. Nothing like his brother. That's what he is counting on, but in reality he is so much more fearful and terrible than his brother, instead of threatening and blackmailing, he relies more on gaslighting and effective guilt-tripping. He makes you paranoid of the world without you even knowing and you have to attend to him anyways more due to his weakened body.

☕🍵Currently Ciel is in a worse position, mostly because he doesn't have you. He is of now seen as a criminal, but at the very least is not alone. He has all his servants, Ran Mao, Lau and Sebastian by his side. He knows that his brother wants a fight, over power just as much as you and Ciel doesn't back exactly off from this. He's frustrated with the current situation and wants to turn the tables around. He knows "Ciel" can only function as long as he has plenty of fresh blood since his body needs it to function. So he plans on starting with cutting off all the places where he gets that blood from to beat him once and for all.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere ciel #yandere ciel phantomhive #yandere real ciel

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eliemo · 3 years

Text

Secrets and Lies

Summary: Patton is terrified Janus is cheating on him. He didn't think the reality would be so much worse.

TWs: mentions of/aftermath of sexual assault

Notes: human au, established romantic moceit

Janus was capable of a lot.

He was, without a doubt, the best thing that had ever happened to Patton. His tough exterior melted away every time he looked at Pat, his words sweet and gentle, eyes shining with so much love it left Patton breathless.

Janus made Patton smile, made him laugh, made him feel safe. There wasn’t a day that went by where Patton didn’t think about their first date, when Janus had shrugged off his leather jacket and draped it over the younger boy’s shoulders, winking when Patton’s face went bright red.

He still liked to wrap himself in the jacket sometimes, months and months later. It was heavy, comfortably warm, and it smelled like his boyfriend even now.

The only thing that could top the feeling of the jacket was Janus himself, tall and warm and strong, wrapping his arms around Patton and pulling him to his chest. Patton would never feel safer than he did in Janus’s arms.

Janus had been the first good boyfriend Patton had ever had. The first one to be patient and gentle with him, to be open and honest, to feel like home.

Janus was capable of making Patton happy. He was capable of making him feel safe, like he belonged. Patton knew he would keep his heart safe.

He never thought Janus could be capable of cheating on him.

And maybe… maybe he wasn’t. Maybe Patton was misreading the situation completely, paranoid from past experiences, plagued with memories of past relationships.

Janus wouldn’t do something like that. Patton was jumping to conclusions.

But… but Patton had seen it. He’d seen the mark on Janus’s neck, not even close to faded, only visible for a second when his shirt collar slipped down when he leaned forward to kiss Patton.

The mark had been there, clear as day, and Patton knew for a fact he hadn’t been the one to put it there. Not when he’d barely seen Janus the last two days.

Patton hadn’t been mad about Janus being distant. He’d texted and said he’d be busy for a bit, apologizing profusely and promising to make it up with a movie date as soon as he could, and Patton had of course understood.

But now here they were, cuddled up on the couch after almost two days of not seeing each other, and Janus had a hickey on his neck he was clearly trying to hide with a long sleeved shirt.

Patton hadn’t said a thing. He didn’t know how, forcing back tears and ducking his head as his vision blurred. He rested his forehead on Janus’s chest so he wouldn’t have to see the mark again, squeezing his eyes shut as Janus held him.

Patton proceeded to spend the rest of the week crying.

Everything suddenly looked like a red flag, the crushing realization that Janus could be cheating, sending him into sobs. He’d had to leave class once, locking himself in a bathroom stall when the thought had been too much to bear.

He was being paranoid. He knew he was. This wasn’t fair to Janus.

But Janus had just… been so distant. He’d disappeared for almost two days, came back with a hickey on his neck, and now it was like he was barely there.

He was as sweet as ever, smiling at Patton and holding his hand, but he was around noticeably less. He kept canceling plans, skipping class, putting off dates.

He was only wearing long sleeves now, and when he and Patton had gone out to lunch the other day he’d been wearing a turtleneck, despite the heat outside.

And he looked… exhausted. Like he wasn’t getting any sleep.

Like he’d been up all night.

Well, that made two of them. It was hard to fall asleep when Patton had spent every night sobbing into his pillow until his alarm broke through the hazy fog settling around his mind.

When the weekend finally came, and Patton found himself lying against Janus’s chest on the couch in his dorm like every Saturday night, he decided he couldn’t put it off any longer.

He’d seen a couple more marks while they were getting settled, covered up and faded enough that Patton would never have noticed them if he hadn’t actively been looking. He felt sick to his stomach.

“Can I ask you something?” Patton blurted, stiffening at his own words. “Just real quick.”

Janus immediately turned off the show they were watching, and Patton’s heart caught in his throat. He knew it wasn’t true. He knew Janus would never. He was just being paranoid, and asking something like this would just upset his boyfriend- his boyfriend who was endlessly wonderful and loving and loyal.

He just needed to hear it. He needed an explanation for this week or he’d never be able to relax.

“Yeah,” Janus said, quickly sitting up and giving his boyfriend his full attention, smiling brightly like he always did when he looked at Patton. “What’s up, Pat?”

“Uhm.” He hesitated, clasping his shaking hands together, willing himself to just calm down and get this over with. “Are you… I’m really sorry for asking this. Please don’t be offended.”

Janus just blinked at him, smile dropping slightly. “Okay…?”

“You’re not… cheating on me,” Patton finally managed. “Right?”

Janus froze, and Patton forced himself not to take the question back. “I… what?”

“You’ve just… got a few hickeys,” Patton explained. “And you were gone for those couple days and you’ve been so distant and you just… you look so tired.”

Janus’s expression morphed into one of panic, eyes widening as he pulled at his shirt to try to hide any visible marks, and Patton’s heart started to sink.

“I…” Janus hesitated, and he looked terrified. “I- I just… I’m sorry—”

“Please don’t,” Patton said, voice barely a whisper. “Please don’t do that.”

“Pat, I’m—”

“I thought I was just being paranoid.” Patton’s chest hurt, like his heart was breaking apart piece by piece, the world crashing down around him. “I thought you were different.”

Janus was scooting away from Patton, eyes wide and welling up with tears. Patton didn’t understand why he was the one who looked so upset, like he expected Patton to lunge forward and throw a punch. He wouldn’t. Even after this, he’d never even think about hurting Janus.

Besides, he didn’t even have the energy to cry.

“I’m- I’m so sorry,” Janus stammered out, and the words made Patton’s heart twist painfully. “I’m… I can explain. Please just let me explain.”

Patton sighed, frozen where he was, staring down at his lap. He just wanted to go to bed.

“Ok,” he said instead. “Go ahead.”

Janus’s breath caught in surprise, like he hadn’t expected Patton to actually hear him out. Patton wasn’t even sure why he was. Maybe he just wanted to know why. He wanted to know if there was something he could have done for Janus to stay.

“I—” Janus took a breath, trembling and unsure. Patton could hear him crying. “There isn’t an excuse.”

“No, there’s not.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry, I’m—”

“I can just go,” Patton cut in, his voice empty and hurt. “If you’re not gonna explain. It's fine.”

Patton felt the couch dip, listening as Janus moved even further away to press himself into the far corner of the cushions. Patton felt cold, his heart crumbling right in his chest.

“No, I just… I know you’re mad,” Janus said, and Patton scoffed. “And I’m not, I- I wasn’t… I promise I tried to say no. I promise I tried. I’m… I am so sorry, Patton.”

“What?” Patton’s head snapped up. “You what?”

Janus wouldn’t look at him, curled in on himself, breathing labored as he trembled and fought to catch his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m- I’m not trying to make excuses, I swear.”

Patton’s heart was pounding in his ears, panic rising for a whole new reason this time. “You tried to say no?”

“I know I should have tried harder,” Janus said, words coming out in a desperate rush. “I know I should have and I’m sorry. I know… I know I ruined this, I’m so sorry.”

Patton couldn’t breathe, frozen where he was on the other end of the couch. “Jan, that’s not...you didn’t want it?”

Janus finally glanced at him, eyes fearful and unsure. “Of course I didn’t want it,” he said, but it sounded resigned and defeated. Like it didn’t matter. Like it didn’t make a difference. “I’m… I was dating you, I- I wouldn’t… I tried to say no.”

Oh. Oh.

Oh no.

“Oh my god.” Patton didn’t know what to do, realization dawning and bringing blinding dread along with it. “That’s… that’s not cheating, honey oh my god. I had no idea, I… that’s horrible!”

Janus flinched, squeezing his eyes shut, but he was talking again before Patton could continue. “I’m sorry. I’m- I’m sorry I cheated and I’m sorry I kept it from you, I just didn’t—”

“Jan…”

“I know you’re mad,” Janus said again. “And that I can’t- I can’t fix it. I’m not trying to make excuses but I didn’t want it. I… I guess that doesn’t… make a difference. I’m so sorry.”

“No, no I’m not mad at you! That’s not cheating, baby. I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

Janus warily glanced up, holding himself in a shaky death grip. “I… I cheated on you. Why are you apologizing?”

“No you didn’t,” Patton argued. “You were forced into something you didn’t want. What if someone did that to me?”

Janus dropped his gaze, tears streaming down his face. Patton had never seen his boyfriend cry before, and now he couldn’t seem to stop. “That’s different.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t try hard enough,” Janus said, quiet and so broken. “I could have tried harder to stop it.”

“Oh, honey that’s not… you didn’t cheat on me, Jan. You were assaulted.”

Janus didn’t move, looking small and miserable, hunched over himself. “But I kept it from you.”

“That’s not something you just say at breakfast,” Patton said, forcing himself not to reach out despite how badly he wanted to. “And you never had to tell me if you really didn’t want to. I shouldn’t have assumed the worst.”

Janus just looked impossibly confused, and it was slowly breaking Patton’s heart all over again. “I don’t… I’m still sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Patton assured. “I didn’t know, I’m- I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s my fault.”

“No, baby,” Patton said. “It isn’t. It’s never the victim's fault. Have you...told anyone else?”

Janus shook his head, holding himself impossibly tighter. “No. He… he said you would leave if you found out. He said it was cheating.”

Patton felt something cold settle in his gut, anger he wasn’t used to threatening to spill over. He carefully pushed it back down, taking in a shaky breath.

“He? He… who, Jan?” He’d asked it as gently as he could, but Patton quickly backtracked when Janus tensed, eyes widening in panic, his breathing hitching and picking up faster than before. “Alright, that’s ok. You don’t have to tell me right now.”

Janus was shaking, still refusing to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. “He… he said you—”

“You were being manipulated, Jan,” Patton said, quickly wiping away his own gathering tears. He could mourn for Janus later. “It’s not cheating, he lied to you. He's manipulating you into keeping quiet, honey.”

Janus shook his head, horribly unsteady hands moving up to run through and pull at his hair. “No it… I was with someone else and I hid it from you.”

“Someone assaulted you,” Patton carefully corrected him. “And you were scared to tell me. There’s a big difference.”

“But what if I could have gotten away,” Janus argued, desperate and scared. “If I- if I had just tried harder I could have. I was just… I panicked and I couldn’t—”

“Honey,” Patton cut in, as gentle and steady as he could manage. “I promise I'm not upset. Not with you. You didn’t do a thing wrong.”

He was upset that it happened, of course. He was furious, a deep protective rage settling in his chest. He’d give anything for a name, for a way to hunt down whoever had done this and wipe that manipulative smirk off their face.

But he wasn’t going to push Janus to tell him who it was. That could wait until after they’d both calmed down and talked it out.

When Janus spoke again, it was so quiet that Patton almost missed it. “Are you going to leave?”

“No,” Patton said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Janus’s breathing was still fast and uneven, but it was starting to slow back down just a bit. “I don’t… understand.”

“You did not cheat on me,” Patton said firmly. “You didn’t want it, and it wasn’t your fault that it happened. I’m not upset with you.”

“I- I tried to say no,” he said, like he still needed to explain himself. His breath caught again, released this time in a broken, terrified sob. “I wouldn’t do this to you on purpose but I still did, I… I thought…”

He trailed off, the rest of his words indecipherable around the ragged sobs clawing their way up his throat, Janus left to choke on his words and bury his face in his hands.

“Oh, baby.” Patton scooted closer, pausing when Janus froze, wide eyes flying to Patton’s hands. “Is it alright if I touch you? I promise I’m not angry.”

Janus still hesitated, struggling to breathe around his crying, eyes still glossed over with fear like he thought Patton could be lying, burying his anger until he was close enough to take it out on him.

Patton didn’t push, waiting patiently with a sad smile until Janus finally nodded. He closed the distance between them, slowly leaning against Janus’s side and carefully cupping his boyfriend’s face in his hands.

“I’m here,” he said, brushing away his tears as they fell. “It’s ok. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you, baby.”

Janus closed his eyes, face falling at Patton’s gentle words. “It’s… it’s going to happen again.”

Patton froze, the cold dread back with a vengeance.

“No it won’t,” he said. “We’re… we’re gonna keep you safe, ok? I’m gonna make sure this never happens again.”

“You can’t,” Janus choked out, and he sounded so small. “You can’t you- you won’t… you won’t be able to, I’m… I’m really sorry.”

“It's not your fault,” Patton promised. “We’ll figure it out. The teachers will listen to me, we can go to administration.”

Janus scoffed in between sobs, shuddering under Patton’s hands. “Nobody will believe me, Pat.”

“I believe you.”

“And you’re the first.” The tears didn’t slow, and Janus’s breathing only picked up as he talked. “It’s fair, I don’t… exactly have a good reputation. Nobody’s ever believed me and nobody ever will. I gave up trying.”

Patton’s throat felt tight, suddenly wondering how many other situations like this Janus had been put in with no one to turn to. Was this not the first time? Had someone not believed him before?

“Well, you have me now,” Patton said. “And I believe you. We’re gonna get you help, ok?”

Janus didn’t look at him, exhausted and almost limp, the dark circles under his eyes even more prominent now that Patton could look at him closely. “I… alright. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Patton hesitated, hating himself for even considering his next words. But Janus would have to go back to his dorm eventually, and Patton needed to know it was safe to send him there. “Jan? It… it’s not Remus, is it?”

Janus’s head jerked up, eyes flying open as he pulled back, more shocked than afraid this time. “What? No, I- Remus is our friend. He wouldn’t- he would never—”

“I know,” Patton said, and he did. The idea had been ridiculous, stemmed from paranoia and overprotectiveness, but it was worth asking to know Janus would be safe in his own room. “I just want to make sure you’re safe, baby.”

Janus relaxed slowly, still rubbing his face with his sleeves, and Patton gradually gathered him back into his arms, shushing him gently, wiping his tears.

“It wasn’t Remus,” Janus clarified after a moment. “Remus would… he’d freak out and kill someone if he knew. You- you can’t tell him.”

“I won’t tell anyone you don’t want me to,” Patton said. “But we can’t just let this go, Jan. Especially not if you’re still in danger.”

Janus shuddered again, crying against Patton’s shoulder. “I don’t… I don’t want to keep doing this to you. I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s not about me, honey. It’s about you. You don’t deserve this.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Janus said, cautiously reaching up to clutch at Patton’s back. “It was… I know it was selfish to keep it from you but I- I thought you’d leave and I couldn’t… I was so scared.”

“Oh, honey.” Patton held him, painfully gentle like Janus could shatter like glass. “You didn’t have to tell me. It was personal. I’m sorry I forced it out of you before you were ready.”

“He said I was cheating on you, I… I thought you’d hate me.”

“I don’t,” Patton said, running his fingers through Janus’s hair. “He was lying. I promise I don’t hate you, baby.”

He felt Janus tighten his hold, his boyfriend still trembling against his side. “Are we… still together? I understand if you—”

“Yes,” Patton interrupted before Janus could even finish that thought. “We are. I love you, Janus. Nothing has changed.”

“Oh,” Janus said, breathless. “I just- I thought… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Janus’s breathing eventually slowed, his sobs dying down as Patton held him, rocking him gently on the couch as the dorm gradually fell silent.

“I might skip tomorrow,” Janus muttered after a few moments. “I feel sick.”

“I’ll skip with you,” Patton declared. “Virgil’s out for the night, you can stay here. I’ll take care of you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Patton said. “You can rest, baby.”

“I love you,” Janus suddenly blurted out, like he’d been working up the courage. “I can… can I still say that?”

“You can,” Patton said, moving to take Janus’s hand in his own. “I love you too.”

Patton went back to cupping Janus’s face, frowning as he gently wiped away lingering tears with his thumbs, lightly brushing the bags under his eyes. He kept one hand under Janus’s jaw, the other moving to run through his hair, moving it out of his face.

“You look so tired, baby,” Patton said, and Janus’s eyes slipped shut for a moment, his eyelids heavy. “Have you slept at all this week?”

Janus shook his head, and Patton leaned in to kiss his forehead when his eyes welled up with tears again. “I tried. I couldn’t get to sleep. Being alone wasn’t… helping.”

“Oh, baby.” Patton pulled back, reaching instead for Janus’s hands. “You can stay the night. I’ll help you get some rest, okay? We both need it.”

“You sure you’re okay with me staying?”

“Of course,” Patton said. “I want you to. Come on, let me help you to bed.”

Janus practically collapsed on top of his boyfriend by the time Patton guided them both under the covers, wrapping his arms around Janus’s back and letting him rest his head on Patton’s chest.

“I’ve got you,” Patton whispered, freeing one hand to play with Janus’s hair. “You’re safe. Go to sleep, baby.”

Janus was holding onto Patton like a lifeline, but he was sound asleep in minutes, his frantic grip loosening as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Patton’s own exhaustion from sleepless, stressful nights finally weighed down. Everything ached, panic and uncertainty lingering, everything dragging him down to sleep, begging him to just close his eyes and leave it behind.

He would fix this, he could promise himself that. He owed it to Janus to set everything right.

But he could do that in the morning. Right now, he could pretend everything was back to normal. He could hold his boyfriend, his wonderful, loving, loyal, boyfriend, and finally let himself sleep.

#sanders sides #patton sanders #ts patton #janus sanders #ts janus #human au #assault tw #rape tw #moceit #romantic moceit #writing #fanfiction

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gangrenados · 3 years

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Could you do good things and bad things about datiang the Bat boys and Bruce? I ask you for bad things because relationships aren't perfect. Please

This is my first time ever writing for Bruce sooo pls be kind it has been a rough day

•First of all of them are vigilantes which means that they might have some issues separating his hero life with the normal one no matter how hard thet might try.

•They have seen the worst part of humanity and after you have witnessed those kind of horrors there's not turning back. Every imperfection in buildings, locations that have a questionable reputation and people who seem mightily suspicious will trigger their vigilante senses.

•what I'm trying to say here? They can get protective without even notice. After being the one in the line for to long you're afraid those you love might get hurt so you'll try your fucking best to prevent it, right?

Bruce Wayne

•Bruce has a hard time accepting the love and care of others, even if you have a long term relationship Bruce might be cold and distant towards you.

•He usually doesn't care about his scars since they're consequences of trying his best to help others, but when the time to get naked in front of you comes he's slightly worried you might get disgusted because they're too many.

•Bruce gets silent when you show him pure kind love, a gentle caress on his cheek will make him snap out.

•He'll stare at you without knowing what's the right thing to do, the only thing clear onnhis mind is that he wants this to keep going.

•Sometimes you wish you could wake up or fall asleep with Bruce beside you more often. It makes you feel forgotten. Bruce has tried to stay there when you wake up, even if that means rushing home to take off the suit, slip in the cover and pretend he's sleeping.

•Bruce can be pretty romantic when he wants to. He will take you to fancy places and bought you the most prettiest things in the world, Bruce will be comfortable in those situations, talking smoothly and secure since he's trying to put a little bit of his playboy persona into this to not ruin it.

•But silly things like cooking your favorite dessert or buying a pretty thing he saw nd know it will useful to you, will get him slightly flustered. The man is afraid he might fuck up.

•If you're a mere civilian then Bruce would be petty fucking protective of you, at the point that sometimes make you wonder if he's being paranoid.

•He will install a security system in your house and car, maybe a tracker too because you never know what criminals might do to the partner of Bruce Wayne.

I•t's hard for Bruce to express his emotions and talk about them, he feels like it makes him seem weaker. But when he opens up he will pour his heart into his words, maybe he wouldn't say much, but everything that came out from his mout he meant it with his soul.

•Your fights are horrible, it leaves you both broken and wondering if this gonna be the end. Bruce is too stubborn to back down and you don't want to be the one who goes to apologize first, so you'll end up treating each other with the cold shoulder.

•It's not the type to say "I love you" constantly, he reserves those words for important moments like when he has to go to a risky mission, your anniversary or he will blurt them out when he see you doing something adorable.

•Bruce is a mysterious man and that aspect is not going to change once they start dating. You will feel that he is hiding things from you, which is true, but it will take a lot of persuasion and confidence for him to tell you what is happening or why he does not tell you things.

•Much of his reason is that he thinks that if he doesn't say anything to you you may be safe and happy in ignorance, however, he also does not want to link his romance to his work.

•Connecting in an emotional way with Jason is hard and even when you're there he tends to close and keep a lot of things to himself.

Jason Todd

•Jason hates how being in touch with his emotions makes him more vulnerable, once they see the light there's nothing that can stop the overwhelming wave of feelings that comes to drown him.

•Once Jason becomes truly comfortable around you he will get clingy. He needs you in order to him feel alright, it's like you bring up a nice part of him he wasn't even aware of it was there.

•You're the nicest thing Jason has ever had so far and he's down to do anything to make you stay. He can stop being Red Hood and live a normal live, change his personality for one you like better, whatever you want in a man Jason can try to copy it, but please don't leave him.

•He's a really attentive and supportive boyfriend, this trait is driven by his need to prove you his total love and attention because that shows he's worthy of your love. But putting that aside, Jason truly cares about you.

•Jason is not really used to receive romantic affection so he might shy away sometimes when he becomes aware of what's going on. It's like his mind can't process that other person wants to be romantic with him.

•Jason can get really protective of you and this worsen a little bit more if you're a civilian who knows little to nothing about self defense.

•Jason is a cuddle monster, having you between his arms is soothing and lovable. He loves this little domestic things, but it's better if he's the one on top of you or hugging because he can get out of the touch easier.

•It's better to not fight with Jason, he's not going to hit you or anything, in fact he prefers to cut his own arm with a fork before landing a hand on you.

•However, he can say some mean and hurtful thigs because he wants to win the argument regardless of how bad the consequences might be.

•It might not look like it, but Jason loves to do the silly cheesy things with you.

•He will engulf you into a tight hug and then give a breathless kiss anytime he comes back from a long mission, having you to cook with him regardless if you know what you're doing just because he thought it would be cute, cuddling with you in the sofa and read a book or just watch a movie (Jason will fall asleep snuggled up to you because he feels safe)

•Jason has night terrors and he can turn pretty paranoid whe he just wake up from a nightmare, so it's better if you stand back for a moment until he calms down and realizes that nothing bad is happening.

•He keeps a gun close to him in case something happens and has night light because he can truly stand to have the whole bedroom in complete darkness, also he tends to keep you close to him when you're sleeping togheter because, even when Jason is asleep, he needs to know you're there.

Dick Grayson

•Dick is a sweet boyfriend, he's caring and charming to the point that sometimes you wonder if you're dating a prince.

•Dick's supportive of your interests and will cheer you up if he feels like you're lacking motivation. He will praise you and give you a compliment whenever he notices you did something good or when you go to tell him a good new.

•It's hard to have some alone time with him thanks to his busy schedule. Dick can't stay still, he needs to work and protect the city, because he cares about the others but also needs the action to live.

•Dick is a cheerful man, the occasions were he hits rock bottom are odd but they happen.

•And he tends to close himself to the world and drown in his own sorrows for a while. It's hard to see him like this and the worst part is that he doesn't want to ask for help until his mind is a little less darker.

•Dick is a really affective boyfriend, he will grab your head and pepper it with kisses as he says how much he loves it, also he has the habbit to put an arm around your shoulders or waist whenever you're walking together.

•Another thing he always do is pulling you back to the bed and put himself on top of you so you won't go.

•Dick would nuzzle his head in the crook of your neck and give it a kiss before going back to sleep.

•Dick is a man low-key scared of commitment, but will still idolize you.

•It's hard for him to settle down and decide for one thing, he will overthink everything and try to look at your current situation for every single angle possible, however, in his eyes you're a great person, sexy and just amazing.

•He might even twist everything and think you're already dating when nothing really has been confirmed.

•Okay so this one goes for his Titans version: I don't know why, but I feel that sometimes Dick can manipulate your needs and turn them into his own desires, to be more concrete emotional blackmail.

•He could do this unconsciously and without really wanting it, because once he realizes what he did he will feel very bad about himself, which would lead him to isolate himself from you for a while to think about everything he has done and then apologizing .

•It's hard for Dick to do so because being aware of what he has done to you, but he needs you to know he feels deeply fucking sorry and he understands if you want to broke up.

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