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aleksanderscult · 3 months

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Analyzing "Demon in the Wood" (book) - Part 5

(Part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4)

(TW: self-harm!, suicide!)

Did you think I had forgotten about this meta?

ABSOLUTELY NOT

I was just dealing with a small health issue and before that I didn't have the motivation.

But now my meta-analyzing-self has returned with the fifth and last part of the book.

This is the passage from the book that actually made me think "What if Aleksander himself started sleeping less and less as an adult?". He "adopted" so many things from Baghra. It's possible that he did this too. Sleeping very few hours at night and always ready to leap at the first sign of danger.

Also, not Eryk not wanting to get smacked from his mom if she catches him. 😭

“It’s not enough.” His voice made me jump. The Darkling emerged from the shadows onto the lamplit path.

He really can startle people with his silent movements.

And the fact that he has been trained by hunters!

So he has learned from hunters, seers, Kings, Saints. Through all these four hundred years he gained an enormous amount of knowledge. (I would honestly sit and listen to his experiences for free)

HE'S TOO CUTE I JUST--

He really preferred to get interrogated by his mother for his wet clothes than get naked in front of a girl. 😭🫶

We went from this "He felt too shy to remove everything."

To this "His hand slid down to my hip. I felt a little trill of panic as my skirt slid higher and his fingers closed on my bare thigh."

They grow up so fast. 🥹🥹

It's that beautiful realization that he acts like a kid that makes me happy. All giggling and smiling while playing and swimming. This is the life he was supposed to live and he knows it.

He's so happy and hopeful that he starts making plans! 😭

He just wants to stay somewhere.

The Darkling never hated the otkazat'sya. It wasn't hate he felt but (overtime) he just only came to know their nature.

Eryk really liked Sylvi and thought her a good company to have her around.

He was aware of the way men looked at his mother.

I'm sorry but I find this line kind of awkward. It may only be just me. But little Aleksander seeing men giving lustful looks to Baghra is a little awkward. Like, man, not in front of her son. 😭

It was one more weapon in her arsenal.

Actually an anon once sent me an ask saying that the Darkling was promiscuous on his earlier days out of his need for touch and to gain information.

At that time I said that I doubted it since he had other means to gain information (through his spies, his natural charisma etc.) but @stromuprisahat discussed this in the comments and now I agree with her that Aleksander would sleep with someone to gain information. And, in the end, it was this line that fully convinced me. Just like I've said previously, Aleksander mimics his mother in almost everything. He just copies her behavior and patterns. And that's one more pattern that he must have copied. If he didn't have any other choice and was desperate (also it would depend on the person he had in front of him) Aleksander would go in "flirt mode" to get what he wants. Seduction was one weapon out of the hundreds in his arsenal, ready to be used if necessary.

Well hello socially awkward Aleksander.

That might be my hot take for him I think. Aleksander Morozova was actually socially awkward in sensitive matters (this moment right here, revealing to Ulla that they're siblings, his first kiss with Alina).

He was never raised in a stable home, never had healthy friendships and was raised by his mother very strictly and to value power over love. So whatever compassion he had as a person, he had it out of his own character. He was born with it and not nurtured to feel it or have it.

He doesn't know if this question about her mother is appropriate because he normally doesn't have conversations with peers and hasn't learned to.

It's a very sad but true fact about his character.

Eryk: "Thanks mom for nothing I guess".

I don't think people realize how cut off Aleksander was from literally everyone. And it was Baghra that cut him off. Not one single word about his father like she created him by herself or something.

(Now I also remembered how Alina was the only other person Aleksander could bond and be with since she was immortal too but Baghra took that from him as well. That woman really said "You'll have no one but me")

now I'm angry

He really really tries.

I've analyzed this moment a bit here but basically Aleksander was very awkward with others showing a vulnerable side. He isn't used to being close with others since he constantly travels, so here he does his best to comfort Annika as she lays bare her thoughts and feelings. He wants to let her know that her father didn't fail but did his best to protect his remaining family.

Hell nah!! 😭😭

Not my boy being protective over his new friend 😭😭

He only knows her for a few hours and he feels already close to her.

This shatters my heart because he doesn't want to believe the truth. He doesn't want to face it in the beginning. He's like "Oh. Maybe we're playing". He doesn't want to know that his friend has turned against him.

*tears up*

Can you hear me crying in the background? 🙂

He was so ready to protect her against a boy taller and stronger than him. Because they're friends. Friends are supposed to stick together.

*I'm ready to cry*

He's still in denial. 😭

And seeing the difference between this young Aleksander to his older version. The young one being naive, innocent and weak because he lets his emotions get the better of him. While the older one never begged for anything (at least directly), shed that side of him and still died because he still wanted things.

THE STRATEGIC BABY GRISHA IS HERE!!

He cleared his head and started thinking of ways to get out. And what better way of escaping than making Annika and Lev fight each other?

I personally think he said that line for two reasons:

He wanted Lev to know what he is in order to make him come over, break the ice and even stop Annika so he could buy himself some time and escape.

It's very interesting that he said "you won't be able to push her or her sister around anymore". He could have said "When Annika wears my bone she'll be more powerful than you" but he brought up Annika's vulnerable position and that shows that he understands why Annika does this.

But still he won't sit and let her finish the job.

His determination is the one quality that admire in him the most.

Take this moment for example. Someone just hit his head with a rock and he focuses on staying awake and alive. He doesn't allow his own body to take him down.

And here the same thing happens:

He's ready to vomit and pass out but he just forces his body to do more, to escape and survive. He never lets anything deter him from what he wants. And apparently it was Baghra that made him this way too:

She nurtured his strong will and over the years he became a driven, focused and determined person. And it were these qualities that kept him alive all those centuries.

When Alina left him behind on the Fold he survived and kept going.

When Sturmhond left him with a broken ship, a wounded arm and in the middle of nowhere, he survived and kept going.

When Alina betrayed him and brought a building down on his face, he survived, took the throne and rose again.

When his mother committed suicide, he cleared his head and continued his war.

When he came back from the dead, he still continued the march towards his ambition.

Literally nothing could stop him. Even "when he wasn't so sure he wanted to go on" he put his one foot in front of the other and set his eyes towards his dream. Whether that was to provide the Grisha a safe home, or the Ravkans a safe country or himself a companion to have. Or all of it together.

It was enough to make him less a boy than a prize.

A sad existence to live. Especially in your childhood. Your own people seeing you as a trophy to have, to wear and use than a human with a life of his own.

He revealed his gift to Annika when he showed kindness to her and now he pays the price.

His relationship with his mother is one of the most (if not the most) pivotal aspects of his character. Her words and teachings have been implanted deep inside him and can hear her often in his mind (just like he did in RoW).

Did he also hear her voice whenever he was close to dying in his adulthood?

He lashed out of fury, desperation and sadness for everything that happened that day. Just when he thought he had it all, fate came and took them out of his hands along with his hope.

Let me make a mark on this world before I leave it.

He succeeded in that. The Little Palace is the greatest proof and people talked about him long after he was gone (and they'll continue to do so).

As a child he saw how Grisha came and went from this world without "touching" anything. He didn't want the same thing to happen to him. He wanted to make something.

(Also the fact that he dropped that iconic, serious line at the age of thirteen. The Darkling at thirteen "I want to make something grand before I die". Me at thirteen: *watching Shakira clips and failing school like nobody's business* 😭😭)

I don't think most of us understand that Aleksander literally self-harmed himself to survive and save his mother's life as well. Used his own power against him to make sure that they won't be burned alive for what he did.

For the Ulle to be so sure that nothing would happen at their camp makes me think that they were being established successfully there for a long time. But that surety and protection faded because of his own people who are so desperate to gain power in order to survive. It's not a matter of selfishness. I don't see it that way. But it's a matter of survival especially since the Grisha are a group of persecuted people that are hunted down for their powers, feared and shunned.

Whether you believe it or not, I've seen people say that Aleksander didn't regret the fact that he was responsible for the burning of that village.

*screaming in frustration*

So. I'll repeat that it wasn't an act of selfishness but a matter of survival. It's not a black and white situation. If Aleksander had said the truth he would be executed alongside his mother for what he did. And the other Grisha wouldn't hesitate to do it since they already feared Baghra. And what people fear, they destroy.

Aleksander opted to cut his leg deep with his own powers, lose unconsciousness and tell a fake story to save his mother and leave from that settlement in one piece. But he didn't take pleasure from it. He wasn't glad when Lev and Annika died and felt sorry for their parents and their reaction. And now he feels sorry for the burning of the village. He knew they were innocent and he supposed they were going to interrogate them or something. But kill all of them? That he neither expected or wanted.

Look. I think Baghra loved her son. But let's be honest. If he wasn't so powerful, if he wasn't immortal he would cast him away the same way she did with his siblings. Sooo....yeah. It's a toxic kind of love. She loves him for what he can offer her (companionship mostly) so it's not an unconditional love. She mostly wanted to keep him safe because, if he died, she would be left with no one.

Bardugo in a podcast called her "a horrible, horrible mother" and she is. But I still find her a fascinating character that I can't get enough of for some reason. I don't like her but I find her interesting.

Honestly, me neither. Annika was not my favorite character in this story but I don't hate her for trying to kill him. She wanted to protect her family and their position in the camp. It's a bleak world for the Grisha and they have to "eat" each other to survive.

Aleksander really said: "I will make my people matter. I'll make them touch this world and make themselves known. We will be seen".

All the Grisha characters that were trained in the Little Palace owe their reputation to the Darkling. Alina would never know who she was and, even if she did, she would waste because she would be unable to use her powers without someone to guide her. Zoya would never achieve that reputation.

Grisha would just continue to live in caves and hidden establishments. Afraid to go out and show their powers to strangers.

By S&B the Grisha were still despised but there was a minority that held them in awe. But that did nothing to change the situation. Now they are seen but used by the Crown. It was the only place they could have in the kingdom.

It rose from the trees surrounding it like something carved from an enchanted forest, a cluster of dark wood walls and golden domes. As we drew closer, I saw that every inch of it was covered in intricate carvings of birds and flowers, twisting vines, and magical beasts.

“Welcome to the Little Palace,” said the Darkling.

He did it. The crazy son of a bitch did it. 🥹🥹

He managed to create a safe home for them. Made sure for them to be surrounded by other people like them, sitting in front of a warm hearth, in unity not in conflict with each other. Somewhere to rest their heads under the gorgeous carvings of vines and birds. A place to practice their powers freely and eat luxuriously. Somewhere to come back to, like all of us do when we want to go home. Somewhere to belong and somewhere to stay.

(fuck you Tolya for what you said in that duology. Fuck you and everyone who talks shit about Aleksander's greatest accomplishment)

That was the end of the book and I absolutely loved that story. I need 20 more novellas like this from the perspective of the Darkling from his earlier adventures. I'll analyze the Graphic Novel next.

#I've missed analyzing SO MUCH #anyway hope you enjoyed this part #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova #demon in the wood #demon in the wood meta #meta #shadow and bone #grishaverse #baghra morozova #annika

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broadwayfangirl222 · 4 months

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Addict VS Poison

Now this this isn't gonna be a "Which is better" comparison, they're both awesome to me. Plus that kinda comparison feels kinda...boring and could easily turn mean. I wanted to focus on how while they basically tackle the same topics/themes, with the same character, they end up having this different vibe to them. Let's start with the OG

(FYI I'm not gonna use any of the animation in addict as part of this character analysis since the other one doesn't have that yet and that changes quite a bit here)

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Addict:

I'd say a decent chunk of this song can be summarized as "denial and distraction" Not actual denial though, but the kind of denial where you're aware but you just really, really don't want to, or you can't, actually deal the issue so you just distract yourself.

Despite having overdosed / And ending up comatose / I don't give a damn / I've let my emotions go / Fuck being a sober hoe / This is the mantra / This is my life you're playing with now / 'Til the end of the night / Surrounded by fire, the passion ignites

Angel here is basically going "fuck it, we party" He's decided to fully block out the lows, no matter how bad those lows are, and only embrace the highs. He wants squeeze every last ounce of fun and enjoyment he can out of his horrible situation. The most obvious moment of Angel completely addressing his feelings and isn't hiding behind this care free party persona is the reprise

I'm addicted to the sorrow / When the buzz ends by tomorrow / There's another rush of poison flowing into my veins / Giving me a dose of pleasure that resides by the pain / I'm addicted, I'm dependent / Looking awesome, feeling helpless

He admits he's feeling helpless and hurting and struggling here. And I don't want to mispeak on a topic like this so if i'm off on this please feel free to correct me. But the more I read this reprise the more I feel like this reprise also is kind of an admittance to this being a form of self harm too.

Now Cherri adds an interesting element to this. Even without seeing the animation you do get the impression she's by his side, she's sees what he's going through and wants to support him. One of her lines is basically offering her friendship and help

So, come if you're feelin' brave, and fancy yourself a mate / You want it, I got it / See what you like? / We could have it all by the end of the night

Without the animation this part I can see Cherri literally reaching out her hand to Angel in this part. He isn't alone here. He has someone by his side. Someone he can share the fun with and someone to commiserate with. This fact kinda gives it this hopeful tone to it despite the more negative lyrics and implications in parts. The reprise has this too with him saying maybe the hotel won't be terrible. He has this tentative hope for the future here for the first time.

Poison:

This one right off the bat this song has this frustration to it. Frustration for his situation as a whole, frustration at Valentino for putting him through all this, frustration at himself for fully knowing this is all toxic and terrible for him but still "falling for it" anyway (even thought it's obviously not his fault.) Again just purely from the lyrics and tone, this version of Angel feels like he's long past that denial and distraction. He's not distracting himself anymore. Any shred of fun and enjoyment he could have from this is just long since dead. He's completely aware here: He knows that he's trapped in a toxic cycle, fully aware it'll absolutely kill him one day. Part of the chorus is flat out "YEAH I KNOW, (it's/you're) poison" but despite that awareness, he's still stuck in this 'cause of Valentino.

Any way you want me, baby / That's the way you got me, I'll be yours / My story's gonna end with me dead from your poison / I got so good at bein' untrue / I got so good at tellin' you what you wanna hear / I disassociate, disappear / Yeah, yeah, yeah

He still has to be whatever Valentino wants and tell him whatever he wants to hear. The lyrics explicitly sate he completely detaches and simply plays the part he's supposed to. At this point there's no more denying or masking the situation to himself. Angel just sees it as pure survival now.

It's also interesting to note that it's only Angel here. There's no Cherri, or anyone, by his side in this song. He's isolated and desperate and hurt here. It feels like he's more at the end of his rope and just so lost on what to do. This is such a low point for him and his (after) life and he clearly doesn't see any out.

TLDR: Addict has this vibe of Angel wanting to embrace the chaos, the vices, the fun so he doesn't have to think on the bad. And that there's this shred of hope for the future at the end, like it might be possible for him to get out of this. Meanwhile Poison is him fully aware of his situation. He's frustrated, hurt and desperate to get out of this toxic cycle of abuse but he doesn't see how so he's just doing anything and everything he can to survive

#this feels like such a basic analysis but i wanted to share #shut up me #might delete later #hazbin hotel #Hazbin hotel meta #meta #abuse mention #hope someone enjoys my ramblings #Spotify

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streaminn · 8 months

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Military School AU

Wednesday gets (semi) seriously hurt in a challenge/Event and Addams' will fight to death (or just literally unable to continue) and Enid has a flashback to the night with the Hyde and her mind goes blank besides protecting Wednesday.

That's how the Nightshades/Wednesday realize Enid doesn't actually hate them/was just hurt and bitter. And how Enid's Pack realizes just how important Wednesday is to their Alpha/realize Enid Imprinted on Wednesday.

Or, Wednesday comes into contact with one of the Pack (handshake, combat, whatever), and has a vision of what Enid's been going through/feeling and how the Pack has been helping/taking care of her. And to everyone's surprise, Wednesday looks absolutely wrecked (but is trying hard not to show it), and gives them her gratitude and thanks for caring for her Wolf when she wasn't there (no matter how much she wanted to be).

[Sorry if this reads weird, I'm typing this in the car on my phone.]

its all good bud! sorry for answering this so late, my ass desperately tried to draw this but my hand is not handing today so lemme set the scene

Incoming huge werewolf lore dump!

Grimwolves are emotional beings. Any overwhelming emotion can lead to a partial shift! from the growing of teeth, a sudden burst of a werewolf paw or the shifting and dislocating of bones to a bigger form-

you can say its part of the reason why enid is so cold. During her time during her 'slump' in the 2nd semester of her sophomore year when the pack all settle into the dorm, there are times where they can see Enid desperately clenching her fists before slipping on her bracers.

Sometimes, when they wake up early enough to catch sight of Enid without them, they can see the way the muscles in her arms twitch and shift before settling.

They keep their mouth shut, all too aware of the fact that enid wears her muzzle during classes too. They aren't really dumb, they know of how Enid got her alpha rank after all but there's a difference between hearing and seeing

Sometimes, during the end of the semester when Enid seems to be coping all the more better and the muzzle wasn't such a need anymore, they can see the way she tends to pant with her mouth open at times. It wasn't anything new, most werewolves do that too at times

But it gives them an eyeful of the way too big teeth that most werewolves don't have

(aka enid still tends to get overwhelmed at times and having the ability to shift whenever isn't as much as a blessing like most think)

so! the pack are aware that enid's different. They don't know the exact name and she's a bit too big for her size whenever its time for monthly shifting but they never see her fully shift in distress

And that changes alot.

So as explained briefly here, werewolves have the whole day to get ready for their shift in the night. Which means that they don't tend to be too aggressive, theyre a touch more rational and their body can properly regulate all that wolf magic hormone stuff

Which leads to them looking more wolf than man. Which was a good thing! Makes it easier to blend in with the normies of back then

But grimwolves?

Their shifts are sudden and there is no period to get ready. It's just snap and you're a wolf but normal werewolves aren't made for that and so the body accommodates

So most of the time, it leads to the image above! Grimwolves were rampant back then along with violence so it spread to normies that these were how werewolves are supposed to look like and thus reinforcing their monstrous nature etc etc you get the point

Obviously it's been disproven by outcasts and grimwolves are totally myths

Now, imagine being in a tournament fully expecting to be able to beat a bunch of trained dogs because hey its not like it's the full moon, what can they do?

They already took down the Addams girl and her flowery friends, what's wrong with besting those smug mutts too?

Anyways I suck at words rn but enid beats their ass. She's been trying to control her shifting since her second semester last year but honestly, Wednesday has always lead to her doing the craziest of things

Revealing her existence on live was certainly not one she expected to do but if it meant keeping Wednesday alive-

Well, it wouldn't be the worst thing Enid has done

#Reference #Military school au #My art #rendered

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undoing-anobrains · 8 months

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you bring me home

part five

series masterlist

wc- 3.4K

There truly wasn't a more rewarding feeling for Caroline than peeling off her scrubs at the end of a long day. During her time off where she had been apart of a large global research project investigating the possibilities of electron powered beams becoming more mainstream and not being restricted to highly specialised treatment sites, the thing she had missed most was interacting with patients. They were the reason she became interested in the career in the first place.

Getting to witness the difference she made in her patients lives was what motivated her to keep going everyday, no matter how stressful things got. That kind of feeling couldn't be matched in academic work where you didn't actually get to see the way your research could change somebody's prognosis. Knowing that her actions literally saved lives fuelled her, pushed her to keep advocating for her patients ensuring their needs were met.

On her way out of the hospital Caroline chatted idly to one of the other girls who worked on her unit, groaning internally when she caught sight of the rain pelting against the path staining it a deep grey with an unrivalled ferocity - so much for it supposedly being summer. She was not looking forward to walking back to the studio in this downpour without an umbrella.

Somehow the universe must have heard the string of explicit insults running through her mind because suddenly, like a mythical apparition of sorts, Louis pulls up in a car she recognises to be Matty's and he comes to a startling halt at the side of the road. Offering a quick goodbye to Mara, Caroline doesn't hesitate to jump into the empty passenger seat of the car and get shelter from the torrent drenching her clothes.

"I would ask what you're doing here, but boy am I glad to see you so I won't," were the first words that left Caroline's mouth once she closed the door.

"Matty sent me," Louis said bluntly, as if tossing a casual bombshell into the conversation. Caroline's heart gave an involuntary flutter, a reaction she quickly masked behind a raised eyebrow.

Louis was so brusque with his delivery sometimes. As if he isn't fully aware of how Caroline won't spend the rest of the ride home figuring out what his intention was. She doesn't want to read too much into it. To allow herself even entertain feelings she's trying to keep under lock and key.

“Oh, really?" Caroline responded with a calculated nonchalance, though her mind was already racing, attempting to decipher the motives behind Matty's unexpected gesture. She mentally chastised herself for even contemplating the idea that it might be more than just a thoughtful offer.

Louis seemed unperturbed by her reaction, his fingers tapping a rhythm on the steering wheel. "Yeah, he wanted to come and get you himself when he noticed it had started pouring, but him and George have been stuck doing album promo all day. So, he thought he'd spare you the rain."

The sweetness of the gesture tugged at Caroline's heartstrings, but she quickly reined in her emotions. She had learned to keep her feelings in check, to guard her heart against the unexpected. "Oh, that was kind of him," she replied, her tone nonchalant, though a soft warmth settled in her chest. "I appreciate you coming, Lou. Even if it is extremely embarrassing that the kid I used to babysit is driving me home."

Louis laughed, a sound that was a blend of amusement and camaraderie. "Trust me, Caro, I'm getting a kick out of it too. Ten times right?"

Caroline smirked at the memory, it was genuinely impressive how many times she'd failed. Poor Hann had been an absolute saint and she was still making it up to him to this day by buying his drinks whenever they hung out. "Uncalled for," she shook her head playfully "you don't see me bringing up the November 2014 incident at any given moment do you?."

Louis paled "yeah no, let's repress that memory again thanks."

The drive continued in comfortable silence, the sound of rain pattering against the windows providing a soothing backdrop to their conversation. Caroline's gaze wandered out to the city streets, her thoughts a mixture of gratitude and confusion. She couldn't help but replay Louis' words in her mind, dissecting the intentions behind them.

"Actually, Lou," she began, her tone casual but laced with curiosity, "I've been meaning to ask...is there any particular reason why I've been coming home to dinner everyday. Not that I'm complaining or anything, it's actually pretty good."

Louis glanced at her with a sly grin, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Oh, you mean aside from the fact that Matty seems to think you're incapable of eating or getting home without some sort of assistance?"

Caroline rolled her eyes, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Oh, come on. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

Louis chuckled again, a knowing look in his eyes. "I don't doubt that for a second, Caro. But you've got to admit, he's kind of got a point. You're a bit of a workaholic."

Caroline sighed, her lips curving into a reluctant smile. "Fine, I'll give him that much. But it's not like I'm incapable of cooking or getting home. He's just... being overly nice."

Louis smirked, a teasing edge to his voice. "Overly nice, huh? Is that what we're calling it now?"

Caroline couldn't help but laugh, shaking her head at Louis' playful antics. "You're a troublemaker, you know that?"

Louis shrugged nonchalantly, his grin unapologetic. "Someone's got to keep things interesting. And well, you guys have been very entertaining recently.

"How so?" Caroline quirked an eyebrow playing dumb.

He leaned back against the car headrest, his expression seemingly permanently mischievous now. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but you and Matty are starting to look a lot like an old married couple."

Caroline burst out laughing, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Oh, come on, Louis. Don't be ridiculous."

Louis grinned, clearly enjoying her reaction. "I'm serious! I mean, the way he's making you coffee every morning, late night chats, cooking dinner for you... It's all very domestic, isn't it?"

Caroline shook her head, trying to suppress her laughter. "You're reading way too much into it, Louis. We're just friends."

"Sure, just friends," Louis replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "I've seen couples with less chemistry, that's all I'm saying."

Caroline rolled her eyes, unable to hide her amusement. "Louis, you're impossible."

He winked at her, his grin widening. "Hey, just looking out for my honorary and hopefully future big sister. Make me best man at the wedding yeah?"

Caroline couldn't help but chuckle at Louis' antics . "Trust me, there's nothing going on between us. Although in the hypothetical scenario that there was...you and G are probably fighting for that title."

Louis gave her a mock salute. "Rude, here I was thinking I was your favourite brother. But don't say I didn't warn you when Matty starts insisting on holding hands and sharing a toothbrush."

Caroline shook her head, laughing softly. "You're incorrigible."

Louis opened his arms in a dramatic gesture. "Hey, I'm just here to provide quality entertainment."

Upon their return to the studio they discover that Matty and George aren't home. Caroline is worried momentarily until she notices that Mayhem is also gone and since the rain has just cleared up she figures they've just brought him for a walk. Louis promptly busies himself with calling back his mum, leaving Caroline to eat dinner alone.

She's extremely touched when she unwraps the tinfoil covering a blue ceramic dish left by the stove for her. The boys seem to take turns with cooking meals but she can tell that this is Matty's handywork as soon as she unveils it. As much as he takes the piss out of her for constantly eating vegan dishes while not actually being a vegan he seems to make an effort and actually go out of his way to respect it when he is responsible for making dinner. And in perhaps the most surprising turn of events since the beginning of lockdown - he's actually turned into a half decent cook.

These altered dynamics and sudden domesticity was like finding the missing pieces of a puzzle she hadn't realised was incomplete. With every smile he offered, every inside joke they shared, a new piece fell into place, revealing a picture she had ripped up years ago and buried deep down. His presence filled the gaps she had never acknowledged, his laughter stitching together the moments of joy she had overlooked. Each stolen glance, each shared silence, they were like intricately carved fragments that slid seamlessly into the mosaic of emotions she held for him.

Her mind wandered back to the days when she was engaged, when she believed she had found her forever. The memories were tinged with a bittersweet taste now, as if a layer of clarity had been added to the recollections of her past. And as the pieces fell into place, she couldn't help but acknowledge the stark contrast between her past and her present.

It was a truth that, once seen, couldn't be unseen. Matty's reappearance in her life had been a revelation. One that had dug up her past affections and put them on display again. She had made such an effort once she finally realised that she was never going to be anything more than George's little sister and a fan to him to move on and get over him. Yet as fate would have it he had ambushed her heart once again. It was never overly grand gestures but Caroline had never been keen on overdramatic declarations of love, it was the little things, the daily acts of kindness that wove a tapestry of warmth around her.

The realisation dawned on her with a quiet ache—the depth of effort Matty put into making her feel special was unlike anything she had experienced before. From the mornings when he ensured there was a steaming cup of coffee waiting for her to the evenings where they would bring Mayhem out on long walks along the winding, isolated country roads never shutting up, to the times where he did his interviews in the same room as her when she had time off work because he valued her company even if her mere presence did distract him constantly, he consistently showed up for her in ways that her ex-fiancé never did.

It wasn't just the material gestures, though. It was the late-night conversations that brought solace, the unexpected text messages that brightened her day, and the moments of shared laughter that became the soundtrack of their newfound relationship? If you could call it that - it was a difficult thing to define, her and Matty. In his own way, he had dismantled the barriers she had built around herself, her walls had come crumbling down for the very man she had built them because of in the first place.

And as she compared the two timelines—the emptiness of her engagement versus the fullness of her current interactions—it was impossible to ignore the truth. Matty had effortlessly become a pillar of support, an unexpected source of comfort, and a friend who genuinely cared. Of course there was the added support network of George who really couldn't have been a better brother to her during one of the hardest times in her life and Louis as well. Still she marvelled at the reality that he had done more for her in these few months than her ex-fiancé had managed in their years together.

The studio was bathed in a soft, warm light as Caroline pushed open the door later that evening. Matty and George had come home sometime in the last two hours but Caroline had been completely in her own world and deeply engrossed in a book so she hadn't heard them get back. She had decided to drop in to the studio where she could hear that either Matty or George or perhaps both were currently to personally thank Matty for the meal he had prepared earlier and for sending Louis to pick her up from work. She knew the band's new album was about to be released, and she couldn't help but be amazed by the fact that, despite the imminent excitement, they were apparently already immersed in creating new music.

As she walked further into the studio, her eyes fell on Matty, engrossed in front of a mixing board. His fingers danced across the buttons and sliders with a practiced grace, his head nodding to an unheard rhythm. He seemed lost in his world of sounds and melodies, a world that she was slowly learning to appreciate and understand.

"Hey," she called out, her voice breaking through his concentration.

Matty turned to her, a warm smile lighting up his features. "Hey, Caro. Didn't expect to see you here tonight."

Caroline shrugged, a playful glint in her eyes. "Thought I'd drop by and thank you properly for dinner and the ride."

Matty's smile grew, his expression sincere. "You're welcome. It's the least I could do."

Caroline's gaze wandered around the studio, taking in the equipment and instruments that had become so familiar to her. "You're already working on new music? Even before the album's out?"

Matty chuckled softly, a hint of mischief in his eyes. "Can't really turn off the creativity, you know? Besides, I've got all these ideas buzzing in my head."

Caroline nodded, understanding the sentiment. "Well, I don't want to interrupt your creative flow, but I just wanted to say thanks."

Matty walked over to her, his fingers brushing lightly against her arm. "You didn't interrupt anything, Caro. I'm always up for a break."

He led her towards the mixing board, encouraging her to take a seat. "Ever played around with one of these?"

Caroline shook her head, her curiosity piqued. "Not really. I'm more on the receiving end of music, not the creating part."

Matty grinned, his eyes sparkling with a mix of excitement and anticipation. "Oh come on, you're G's sister you're bound to be a natural. How about we change that tonight? I'll show you the basics."

As he began explaining the different controls and how they impacted the sound, Caroline found herself engrossed in his words. There was something entrancing about the way he spoke about music, his passion evident in every gesture and expression. She tentatively adjusted some of the sliders under his guidance, a sense of accomplishment filling her when she heard the subtle changes in the mix.

"See like I said, you're a natural," Matty praised, his gaze fixed on her.

Caroline shrugged modestly, a smile tugging at her lips. "I've got a great teacher."

Matty's eyes held a warmth that sent a flutter through her chest. "You know, Caro, you've got a real talent for this. Maybe you missed your calling as a producer. You could give George a run for his money."

Caroline chuckled, the compliment making her heart skip a beat. "I think I'll stick to radiation therapy, but this is definitely a fun change of pace."

Matty's playful smile turned more serious, his eyes searching hers. "What you don't want to give up saving lives to mess around with your favourite band? Shocking," his voice grew more teasing at the end.

The intensity in his gaze sent a rush of emotions through her, and for a moment, the air between them felt charged with unspoken words. "But enough of the technical stuff for now," he declared with a grin. "How about we take a break and I play you something?"

Caroline's face lit up, and she eagerly agreed. Matty reached for his guitar, his fingers moving with practiced ease across the strings. The melody that flowed from the instrument was hauntingly beautiful, each note woven into the fabric of the studio's atmosphere.

Caroline closed her eyes, allowing the music to wash over her. It was as if the melody held a story, an untold narrative that resonated deep within her. And then, with a delicate flourish, Matty transitioned into a different progression, the notes taking on a more uplifting quality.

As the last chord lingered, Caroline opened her eyes and looked at Matty with an appreciative smile. "That was amazing," she murmured. "You have a gift, Matty."

Matty's cheeks tinged with a faint blush, and he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Thanks, Caro. I'm glad you liked it."

But Caroline wasn't done yet. "Actually," she said, her eyes lighting up, "could you play that last part again? It just... it evokes something in me."

Matty complied, his fingers gracefully replaying the progression. Caroline listened closely, allowing the melody to fill her senses. And then, almost instinctively, her lips parted, and she began to hum along with the music.

Matty's eyes widened, captivated by the unexpected harmony that emerged. He watched Caroline with fascination as she hummed, her expression lost in the music. When she finally stopped, he was almost disappointed, as if a spell had been broken.

"That was beautiful," Matty said softly, his gaze locked onto hers.

Caroline blushed, feeling a mixture of vulnerability and excitement. "Thank you. The melody just... spoke to me."

Matty's fingers idly strummed the guitar strings as he considered her words. "You know," he began slowly, "there's something about the way you hummed along that triggered an idea."

Caroline tilted her head, intrigued. "An idea? What kind of idea?"

A thoughtful smile played on Matty's lips. "I've been struggling to find the right lyrics for this piece. But when you hummed along, a line popped into my head." He paused for a moment, as if testing the words. And then, he looked at her with a newfound excitement. "I want to get it right this time."

Caroline blinked, taken aback by the simplicity and depth of those words. They held a resonance that seemed to mirror their own journey, their growing connection that defied their initial expectations. It was as if Matty had captured the essence of their shared emotions in that single line.

She smiled softly, her heart swelling with a mix of emotions. "That's... perfect," she said, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "It encapsulates so much."

Matty's grin was infectious, a reflection of his own satisfaction with the discovery. "I think you just helped me find the missing piece, Caro."

For once it seemed that Matty was the one who was staring and Caroline was the one who kept meeting her gaze with a grin. There was something about the way in which Matty looked at her. It was tender, sweet and even loving? Matty made her feel like she deserved to be loved and to be worthy of such a man's attention was mind blowing to her. How he'd managed to creep his way into Caroline's heavily guarded heart she didn't fully understand but at the same time she treasured his position there.

“Why are you looking at me like that?" Caroline dared to ask.

Matty appeared confused for a moment before answering "like what?"

"Like I'm someone special."

"You are someone special though," Matty replied with an air of nonchalance "especially to me."

Caroline was in complete disbelief "I don't see why. I don't exactly have the best track record of having people believe that."

Matty paused briefly "that might be your opinion," he told her softly "but beauty is subjective and I think you're fucking stunning. You have this aura around you Caroline, one that puts everyone at ease but could simultaneously entrance everyone. You're the type of person people fall in love with even if you or your idiot ex don't realise that."

“You don’t mean that,” Caroline laughed “right?”

It seemed as though she wasn’t going to get an answer though because her brother happened to have the worst timing in the world as he walked in to join them. Normally he was quite clued into the energy of a room but thankfully he didn’t pick up on the way Caroline practically jumped out of her skin at his sudden arrival or the way they immediately went silent upon him opening the door and sitting in between them. But from the look Matty sent her when George was fixated on the mixing board in front of him, she knew one thing. This conversation wasn’t over.

#i hate writing dialogue im so so brave guys #you bring me home #the 1975 #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy #matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty healy x oc #george daniel #ross macdonald #adam hann #abby writes #matty healy fanfic

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plznomonkeys · 3 months

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I cannot add the screenshot but saw your comment about the process of making OCs. please share yours cuz I'm so curious!

I had literally 5k words written out explaining the process and thought 'nobody needs to read that' and just shortened it to point form. It was a lot of rambling......

Anywho

OC's, in my mind, fill a void that I feel a story is missing. I mean, no whole story is necessarily missing something, but it is in my perspective. Usually OC's are born from something I disliked with the original work or felt could've been handled differently.

So the tip of inspiration is a 'What If?' moment.

"What if L had someone on task force -with more than 2 brain cells- on his side?"- Death Note

"What if Naruto had a friend growing up who loved him?" - Naruto

"What if Truth was an even bigger dick and tortured someone's soul through reincarnation until they finally learned to break the cycle?"- FullMetal Alchemist

"What if a main character didn't have a damsel in distress as a love interest?" - Bleach

The what if is the first point to creation. It gives me an anchor of reference, of purpose, to this character. It's not to make them a plot device, but it helps me shape around what the reason for building them is. Everyone needs a purpose to have fulfillment in their lives, even if it's just to feed your cat and water your plants. You have a purpose, so what is my OC's? There's usually a moment in the story that inspires this specific purpose and each one is different.

Great, now that we have a purpose, let's move on.

Part 1: What's the start and ending?

It doesn't matter what the story is yet. To me, what's important is the end of this character's story. Where do they end up? Are they alive? Dead? Did they end up with love interest? Did they succeed in their goals? etc.

Despite how crucial this part might seem, I'm never dead set on it. I have a general idea most of the time.

The point of the ending is to have guidance as to where I'm going with the story line and remind myself that this character is moving in that direction. It can also change once you know your character more and once you have a fully fleshed plot, but again you'll change it likely because it works more with the OC you've created.

Now that you've got an ending, pick a starting point. It can be literally anywhere. It can be another character POV. Beginnings are really easy, just pick a place you want to begin and write a few words. Great, now figure out how this beginning meets that ending. Rough sketch it, when you write it out it'll change and grow, that's perfectly okay. No character is the same at the start and finish, so be aware that change is normal.

Part 2: What's the secret?

Every character that has any level of depth has a secret that is revealed in the story. L's successors was a big one. Naruto's parentage was theorized for years before being confirmed. Aizen's betrayal in Bleach was another. What big secret changes the reader's view on the character? What do the other characters think?

Part 3: How are they compatible with their pairings?

Legit this one comes up early in my mind. If I'm completely honest it has to, as you already have a character that is fully fleshed out and in order to keep them in character then your OC needs to adhere to the canon character's interests IMO. It's the reality of it. Which also means you have to know the canon character really well. Which is where character analysis comes in.

Let's take L for example. While I imagine he's the type to make his partner comfortable regardless of their wants/needs, I also see him as the guy who would legit rather die that admit those feelings at first? Like I subscribe to him being a little autistic and mildly self-degrading when it comes to 'why would they like me?' perspectives.

I say mildly because it's not so much he has no confidence as simply 'I literally have no internal clock, I likely have uncontrolled diabetes and broke my back on my own from sitting like this all day, I will ignore your very existence to finish a case and I literally haven't been home in god knows how long, so why would you ever have feelings for me?' It's illogical for L to entertain the idea of someone feeling that way about him because he simply doesn't fit the profile of a dating candidate. And so he disregards the idea that someone could ever be interested in him. Never mind he'd have to know everything about them down to their god damn SIN number before he'd ever see them in person.

So yeah, L's tough, but not impossible. I could see him with a character who really enamours him. I mean as in a character who thinks so radically different from him that at first he sees it as illogical, but progressively he begins to understand how they tick. I could see him being especially fascinated with someone who is very capable of lying convincingly, and yet wears their heart on their sleeve. I find this type of person to be so opposite and yet so similar at the same time.

Now that you have their OTP.... what other pairings are there? Contrary to the belief system, but there are multiple pairings in every story. Pairings don't have to be romantic, but they must be dynamic. What do other characters think of them? How would they interact with each other? I usually know intuitively who I want my OC to befriend and who they realistically could get along with.

This is, quite literally, the toughest part to flesh out, since I work pretty hard to try and stick to canon.

Part 4: Define your character in one scene?

As I said in the What If? section, each character is born from a specific scene or idea. So what is the scene in the story that defines the entirety of this character? For L I think his defining moment was his lil speech about 'do you really think I do this for justice?' in the manga. It brought into perspective that L was having fun on this case, and when he was 'wrong' about Light his temper tantrum made so much more sense honestly.

Characters need a scene in the story that really lets the reader understand the character on a deeper level and really drives home 'this is a person' even though they're not real it makes them feel raw and real.

Part 5: Motivations

Okay, great, we have so much covered, literally I could probably just go off this and wing the rest. But now we gotta ask why is OC even in the story? Why are they a moving puzzle piece? What made them get to their ending? What did they sacrifice? What's the most important thing to them? Why? Knowing why a person moves is far superior to simply wanting them to move. Why did Light swap the notebooks between shinigami? To keep Ryuk's big mouth away and Rem up close to L. Why did L confront Light at uni? Because he had enough sugar to kill a camel in his system and a gut feeling that Light was Kira and would eventually fold under pressure if he pushed him enough.

Part 6: The Plot

Okay so we've got literally everything necessary. So what's the plot? Is it AU? Partial AU? Canon compliant? Does it just follow canon to a certain point and then go off the rails? Personally I like canon divergent. It holds some points of interest with the original plot but diverges at points only to link up in some spots. I also am a huge fan of making events happen in different time frames.

And now.... where do the OC's affect the story? I mean there's no way that Death Note is a completely unchanged story despite another character being added? Something has changed, so what? Do certain events not occur? Does something better befall certain characters? Something worse?

I am also a stickler for universe rules. I do no bend rules for my characters unless I can come up with a universe compliant reason that it would work. I try to respect the original author's world...... but I will do whatever the hell I want with the characters as long as they're in character.

Part 7: The personal touch

Believe it or not, the appearance of the character is the literal last thing to even cross my mind. Like I legit started writing a Naruto fanfic and realized in 8 chapters I hadn't a clue what she looked like. I had to go to pinterest and make a board, along with a character bio in my notes app. I pic out the height, weight, hairstyle/hair colour, eye shape/eye colour, face, aesthetic, any scars/tattoos they may have and I put it on my notes/pinterest board. Now that I know their story is so I know why they'd have that scar or tattoo. I know why they have that kind of look in their eye. I know everything about them really.

The last bit is mostly spreading this personal touch through the above mentioned steps. It's fleshing it out further, making them more flowing in growth. When did they get the scar? Why that tattoo? Does it affect the story?

Attractiveness is something I debate a lot, and honestly it mostly comes down to plot. If a character needs to be pretty because of the plot I write them as attractive. If they need to be ugly that's what they are. Full disclosure, I see through my OC's eyes when I imagine scenes since I like to write in first person. Meaning I never remember their appearance and always have to review the notes to remind myself what they look like at all.

---

Ok, I think I got everything? So yeah, this is the fuck fest two brain cells can come up with. Keep in mind it is a cyclic mentality and I am perpetually editing and upgrading ideas in my brain. My newest OC to Death Note has literally changed so dramatically in 5 days just by doing this process 3 times that you'd think they were two different characters. It really helps me know my OC's honestly. Do I follow this to the T? Not always, but it is generally the process I subscribe to.

Hope this was a good read, cheers.

Also sorry if I did this wrong I've never posted on tumblr before this year god save my soul

#creative writing #original character #character design #character concept #originalcharacter #i have no idea how to use tags #oc #my ocs

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 6 months

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You're forgetting that Eraser is an enabler. Yes, Bakugo should be held fully accountable for his own actions, I completely agree with you there. But Eraser is his homeroom teacher. It's his job to discipline Bakugo when he does something wrong and not allow him to continue that behavior. Instead he does nothing as Bakugo repeatedly attacks a fellow classmate. He assumes that Midoriya is just as responsible for them not being able to get along. He has CONSISTENTLY treated Midoriya unfairly, especially as opposed to Bakugo.

Who's the one always defending Bakugo? Eraser. Who's the one who paired them together for the final despite Bakugo repeatedly being violent toward Midoriya? Eraser. Who's the one who did nothing to correct Bakugo's behavior despite promising to? Eraser.

Either Eraser is an idiot who genuinely doesn't believe that there's a power imbalance between Midoriya and Bakugo, or he's aware of it and sees no problem with it and doesn't deign to do anything about it. You can understand how neither of these options do him any favors

I'm not saying he isn't an enabler.

I'll acknowledge that my preferred version of Aizawa is mostly fanon because I like him better when he's a good man and a good father figure to the kids. But I know that he enabled Bakugou.

It's why in every five I write the backstory is that Aizawa doesn't read teacher comments and he assumes based on Bakugou’s attitude that he was treated like a villain. Because it gives us a reason why Aizawa does defend Bakugou. As for Izuku: I think Nezu never included the activation date or even Izuku kept it quiet out of fear. He never tells ANYONE when he got his Quirk for a long time. So I can actually understand why Aizawa would think Izuku is lazy in that situation. I think Aizawa is a fucking idiot for not looking into it further, but that's me.

However I can't remember Aizawa ever blaming Izuku for the fights with Bakugou. I literally can't. He blames them BOTH for the after curfew fight which is highly unfair but it's not solely Izuku. I've rewritten enough of the series that I can see how unfair Aizawa is BUT with his personality I can't understand why. It feels incredibly out of character to me that a guy who hates when people coast on their Quirks and acts like a bunch of entitled dicks would give Bakugou a pass. Hence my headcanon.

Aizawa does enable Bakugou: and it's WILDLY out of character even early on. This is why I think Horikoshi either: a) wants Bakuhou around the most and will make everyone OOC to do it or b) is being forced to keep the guy in due to popularity.

But to say he ONLY blames Izuku is wrong. He's just never punishing Bakugou which isn't good. I won't deny Aizawa is a dick the first while before becoming more open. However: he's not the one at fault for Bakugou’s actions. Bakugou would have figured a way out to bully Izuku no matter what. He'd have gotten sneaker and meaner over time. That's what abusers do. He'd have hit Izuku in places people can't see and he'd have done things to mess with him.

Aizawa did enable Bakugou. But to have him receive a horrible punishment when Bakugou gets off Scott free is my issue. If Aizawa is fired for not doing anything, Bakugou should be expelled. If Bakugou just needs anger management, Aizawa just needs therapy.

To me, Aizawa honestly thought Bakugou just needed guidance. He never threatens Izuku with expelling him after the first day. He pulls logical ruses, does train Shinsou over them and isn't a great teacher but NO teacher at UA is a good one. Vlad King certainly the hell isn't given he hasn't cracked down on Kendo or Monoma for their shit. Power Loader isn't for not stopping Mei from her antics. Present Mic and Midnight could have done something to. All Might isn't a great teacher either.

Aizawa is an idiot who got blinded by his own beliefs. Bakugou is a child who was hurt by society and needs guidence while Izuku is the old version of Kirishima: a well meaning guy who pushes to much. That's what Aizawa thinks I believe. That's what he is to me. Someone who honestly has the best intentions but fucks up.

But again: the issue will always be the unequal punishment for Bakugou when he is the sole person at fault. He didn't need an enabler the very first day: he attacked Izuku no matter what. His actions are his own.

#bnha #bnha critical #bakugou critical #anti bakugou #aizawa critical

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kennyluvr · 1 year

Text

#☕: main 4 — doing their eyeliner

synopsis/concept: doing eyeliner for the main 4

warnings: none

author's note: rough week but we 🆙🔥💯 the whole thing is kinda shitty but i just needed to post sorry 😭

kyle broflovski

kyle is so scared to agree for some reason?? he makes so many excuses, like he thinks you're going to kill him or stab him in the eye or something 😭

"kyle please, it won't take that long" "okay but what if i get an infection" "nothing's going to happen i swear, i just bought this one 😡😡"

reluctantly though, he agrees because he doesn't want to disappoint you.

when you sit on his lap to start he's blushing HARD. he's so nervous to be so close to you, he doesn't know where to put his hands. he just decides to settle them on your thighs or your waist

he's smiling so hard the whole time, his cheeks ache so much but he can't help it. he loves when you're like super super close to him but he's so shy about it

he moves so much. like like trying to adjust the way you're sitting to make sure you're comfortable, or he keeps blinking because it feels like there's something in his eye

and he keeps rubbing his eyes and smudging it, you get so annoyed

stan marsh

you two were about to hang out with some friends, and after you were done with your own makeup, you got the idea

stan is pretty unsure when you ask, he's not really the type to be into that kind of stuff, but he'd agree to it for you because you look so excited to do it

when you're done, he'll look in the mirror and make fun of himself. you try to tell him how good he looks but he keeps denying it 😒

"i look so weird. i literally look stupid, y/n" "you look so pretty though, i did an amazing job ☹️"

obviously he's just being humble, he's straight up beautiful and he's fully aware

he'll just sit in front of the mirror and admire your work for a couple minutes LMAO

and when he thinks you're not looking, he'll take a couple of pictures just for memory's sake, and also because he looks super good 🙏

he probably smudges it in like 30 minutes though??

eric cartman

cartman straight up REFUSES when you first asked, so you have to be persistent

"eyeliner?? that's so gay, absolutely fucking not"

it literally takes you days, but eventually he gives in because you bribed him

even after you've convinced him, it takes you a couple minutes to actually start because he keeps moving his head or telling you stuff

the whole time you're trying to work, he's squirming sm, you have to keep telling him to sit still

also he's constantly complaining about it. like seriously this man won't stfu no matter how many times you tell him to

it's the dumbest stuff too, like he thinks it's itchy or he thinks it's getting in his eyes

when you're done and he sees himself, he gets so dramatic too

it doesn't even look that bad and he's acting like you drew a massive penis all over his face or something

kenny mccormick

kenny has tried to do his own eyeliner on multiple occasions, it always turns out terrible. his hands are kinda shaky sometimes, so it looks like he scribbled all over his eyelids

when you asked him if you could do his eyeliner he got so excited, and he loved the idea. he agreed without any hesitation. he was grinning so eagerly 😭

"kenny, you should let me do your eyeliner" "YES PLEASE"

when you pushed him down to get on top of him he found it so hot LMAO

"damn i kinda like this position" "oh"

the whole time he'll just keep smiling and giggling omg

he just kinda stares and observes you, he thinks it's so cute how focused you are.

and he keep telling you how pretty you look as you work. he loves when you're this close to him, he just wants to finish so you two can make out or something

"shut UP. just relax your face" "omg i'm just trying to compliment you 😒"

also kenny probably gets distracted super easily, so he keeps turning his head to every single noise, so you mess up a couple times

"kenny stop moving mf" "but i thought it was an ice cream truck 😕"

when you finish though HE LOOKS SO GOOD and he def knows it

"damn i look hella fine with eyeliner, you should teach me" "you always looked hella fine kenny"

he'll probably just sit there for a few minutes taking selfies like stan, but he's definitely showing all his friends and everyone he knows 😭

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moxijunk · 2 months

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Okay okay first of all I'm never ever going to be able to be normal abt the way you draw TKITN I'm. I'm losing my MIND dude the north au? Oh I have so little idea whats happening but I'm kinda putting it together I think (I have no idea where the au started) but I'm just. Its so cool. Its so fuckin cool. Gnawing on the north au like a chew toy oh my GOD its so cool. Also again your TKITN design is nuts dude.

Oh, what a great segue to talk about the basis of this au (mainly cause there's a LOT of lore and scenes in this that, oml dude, IT'S A LOT TRUST ME, all kinds of things happen, and it gets,,, crazy)

So for an introduction to this madness (I apologize in advance for all the reading):

This is an au based around Tkitn being possessed by an entity called "The North", y'know, the person you see with the glowy yellow eyes. The North is an entity of the North itself, and had ended up possessing Legundo because [REDACTED, no spoilers about this scene yet] Whenever you see tkitn with said yellow eyes (I call them "star eyes") that is when he is fully possessed by the North. Even when he's not currently being possessed, tkitn has this entity inside his body at all times. They're stuck stuck together. With that said, they even have a partial possession over tkitn when the North doesn't fully possess him (they can slip their own words out of tkitn's mouth, sometimes making it seem like tkitn said those words, even if he didn't -most of the time, tkitn is aware of the words, sometimes he has no idea what the North said- On the other hand, the North could also prohibit tkitn from saying anything at all, restricting his ability to speak, if they don't want to hear/allow tkitn to say the things he's gonna say. Also, the North can have some control of tkitn's body when they're partially possessing him. (There's some fun scenes with that))

The entire North is classified as Their Domain

Tkitn's own morals don't fully agree with the North itself

The North sort of has a bloodlust, along with being a really good fighter. To the ordinary person, it seems like tkitn is absolutely wrecking people in the battlefield, when in reality, tkitn's skill set does not match up with the North's at all. The North has plenty of supernatural abilities, being an entity and all.

(I give credit to @betweenlands for being the one to help me/make the next two bullet lists based on their knowledge/speculations)

1.) List of the North's abilities (there's more than just this, but this is what has been spoiled/leaked to either a group and/or a single person, mostly being friends of mine):

Supernatural speed/strength/resiliency when possessing someone

Can compel other people (that they aren't possessing) to do things no matter how hostile that person may be to them

Can pull the person they're possessing into a sort of dreamscape they have complete control over if/when their host becomes unconscious (this does include when tkitn is asleep)

Able to rummage around their hosts mind, and memories (can fuck up things in tkitn's mind if they really wanted to, fun scenes with this)

Has weather and ice magic abilities (the post with the words "stuck in the permafrost" as a little example)

Second sight (not like a full on second sight tho, idk how to explain it)

Telepathy with tkitn

Surely this counts -> Being able to physically exhausted tkitn's body (as in, as long as they're in possession of tkitn for any amount of time, literally all of time, even, they wouldn't have to eat, or drink, or any of the survival necessities, but when they unpossessed tkitn, tkitn would feel exhausted because of all that time not doing the necessities, like a status thing rather than a physical thing, if that makes sense)

And the rest are [REDACTED]

2.) Characterization lists (from what @betweenlands knows of my au so far, they can put characterization details into words/phrasing better than I can, so I'm using the information that they know of them so far)

The main characters - Tkitn, The North, Grady, Viking

TKITN:

outwardly friendly, generally approachable, usually goes with the flow, but has his stubborn moments

Tactically minded, slow to trust people and a little bit paranoid

Not much interested in power, but wants to do right by his people and is a pretty good leader

Generally avoids killing people when at all times possible, prefers negotiation, decent at combat, but isn't his strong suit

As more time passes, they seemed to have more beef with the North killing people than he does with them possessing him (cause they had time being stuck with one another, so tkitn got used to the whole "possession thing". In the beginning, this was completely different)

THE NORTH:

Generally cold and reserved in demeanor, speaks slightly more formally

Grumpy, wants the other kingdoms off their domain, would literally stab someone as a warning

Thinks they know better than everyone, isn't as condescending as they could be, not as subtle as they think they are

Can and will make whatever decision they think is correct without running it by other people first, up to and including murder

Does care about people, but tends to hide the full extent of those emotions

GRADY:

Knows about the North (the post with "your secret's safe" as a little example) and may have something to do with the North being there in the first place (<- @betweenlands speculation) That's scene is [REDACTED]

Cares a lot about both tkitn and the North, wants them both to be alright

Usually pretty boisterous and cheerful, but has his serious moments (especially around the North)

VIKING:

Knows about the North due to an altercation between the two of them (the post with "your secret's out" as a little example) , thinks Legundo is keeping the North secret on purpose and intentionally lying to the rest of the northerners about his powers, aware the North threatened to kill him (also the two page snippet as a great example)

Seems to have wanted to trust Legundo before finding out about this (as with many Vikings) he seems to have a weird idea of what being "friends" with people entails, still, as far as is known, he was very loyal to Legundo before The Incident

Isn't human, but has been seemingly keeping that fact pretty low-key, is a bit spoooy, very very observant, seems like he might be interested in doing blackmail

Loves to snoop, surprisingly good lair

(once again want to thank @betweenlands for letting me use their words/phrasings/speculations for this)

Any questions, comments, concerns, you know where to put them :) I may or may not have missed a few things that I wanted to say/spoil, buts that's alright. It's a good basis anyways.

#thenorthau #legundo #tkitn #vikingpilot #grady #gradyttv #mcyt

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beevean · 5 months

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Is it just me or does the way NFCV treat Nosaac being Muslim, not really different than how irl Islamophobic Christians see Muslims as just devil-worshipping satanists? I don't think it really matters that his use of dark magic is framed as cool with God somehow actually, when it's also effectively just "yes, the islamic god Baphomet is out to get you for being Christian" as a trope anyways. Maybe I'm mis-remembering/misreading something, but it's really been bothering me.

It's very suspicious, yes. And I can tell you it was unintentional, because they chose the literally worst character to make Black and Muslim but they didn't care because they only wanted to "fix the stupid character".

Isaac reveres a vampire who wants to exterminate mankind. Isaac agrees with the notion that humans are inherently cruel and poisonous and the world would be better without them. Isaac has expressed a lack of concern for his own life: he assumed that he would eventually be killed by Dracula, and wanted to lay down his life for his sake. Isaac has studied dark magic that allows him to extract souls from Hell and put them into dead bodies to turn them into man-eating monsters. Isaac says, quite literally, that he wants a "pure" world. Isaac uses Mohammed's words (allegedly - Muslim people have told me that the quote about the doors of Hell rattling in the wind is fake) to justify his mission of turning every human possible into an abomination.

How did anybody not put two and two together and realize that he looks like the parody of a jihadist? my man wants to purify the world from "evil" people in the name of Mohammed and is ready to die for his cause, give me a fucking break!

Isaac, of all characters, should have not been made Black or Muslim! His whole deal is that he worships the equivalent of Satan! He's servile to the point of self-nullification! Bruh! Hector and Isaac are both heathens and do not follow any God, because by creating cursed life they go against any kind of religion known to man! It's not just the Christian God who would have issues with this! (and making him a Black man serving a white master and declaring he wants to die for him, well it's kind of ehhhhh. I don't like raceswapping, but if you really wanted to do that, Hector was literally right there. Maybe that would have convinced Ellis to give him some dignity :V)

In theory, in a vacuum, an hypocritical Muslim anti-villain who believes himself to be a good devoted Muslim while in reality he's sinning left and right could work just as well as your classic hypocritical Christian priest. But we're not to the point where we could do that, not after 20 years of intense Islamophobia that equated Islam with terrorism, not without an immense amount of care. And Isaac did not get this kind of care. He's Muslim only in S3, at his worst point: in S2 he flagellates because of his past as a slave, which then became "I do it because I'm a Sufi", and by S4, the season where he wakes up Enlightened™, his scenes are all about how he enjoys having agency and how he wants to live. I think he only says "God is good" once. Also he doesn't really regret his past sins, he just decides to do things for his own sake.

It doesn't help that Isaac is framed not as an hypocrite, but as the cool, tragic villain. He's smart, he's wise, he's justified in being a misanthrope, he's justified in killing people who don't want his demon army to pass through. We are meant to ohh and ahh at his Enlightment™ while quietly ignoring how he, unlike Hector, chose time and time and time again the path of death and cruelty being fully aware of what it would entail.

#anti netflixvania #if people who know more about islam want to add their two cents please feel free!

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dankovskaya · 1 year

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Yeah the idea of Leon being "in love" with like. His idea of who Ada is based on a couple very specific encounters wherein basically all of Ada's interactions with him are highly controlled and strategic and often catered to whatever she believes will most effectively get what she wants out of him is weird and definitely makes him seem like a moron at best and some kind of creep at worst. But he does definitely have residual attachment towards her largely as a consequence of that one night in Raccoon City and I think the most flattering way to interpret it would be that he is fully conscious and aware of the fact that absolutely nothing that Ada has ever shown him of herself is the real Ada but he can't kick the part of him that really really wants to see even a glimpse of what is under that mask.

Vaguely romantically intentioned or otherwise I think Leon just desperately wants to feel like the mutual surface level familiarity or recognition they develop over a series of semi-coincidental high-stress encounters is even remotely balanced bc even with his sarcastic and dry defensive exterior she can still practically read his mind at a glance while he never gets to see so much as a crack in her persona and doesn't even know her real name 😭

And like I don't think he actually EXPECTS to get what he wants especially by the end of re4 reunion but I think there is this like. One sided tension and maybe even grief on his part over the fact that he's probably never going to get to know who she ACTUALLY is even though she was so integral to the most formative event of his entire life mixed with the weird residual emotions he feels for spending half a decade thinking he practically killed her and all of this is in conflict with his also very real resentfulness of the way she has treated him and lied to him and distrust of her profoundly unclear motivations etc. When people say Leon is "obsessed" with Ada I don't think that's really accurate but I DO think he can't let himself think about her too often or he'll drive himself crazy wondering who the hell she is.

And of course another major reason he wants so badly to know something genuine about her is because he is so desperate for her to give him a solid reason to trust her. Which Ada naturally does not give a shit about because whether or not he trusts her fundamentally and no matter how much he might bark about it he's still gonna act like her dog when she's around cause he's still repaying his "debt" 😭 (And it's also interesting I guess to see how that changes over time i.e. by the time of like, re6, which is essentially "Ada gets framed" the game, Leon really doesn't really have any reservations about defending her and he's pretty firm in his resolution to do so. Which again you can interpret as him being a moron with a residual crush on her exterior, or you can interpret as him no longer really giving a shit about Quote Unquote Moral Concerns and playing by personal compulsive raccoon city loyalty rules 😭)

Also, in a similar vein to that, with his own presumably quite lonely and isolated and inherently dehumanizing life as a secret agent guy, he probably views Ada as the only person "in his life" who might be able to relate to him without being (in a sympathetic interpretation of Leon's perspective of his job) tainted by the same institution that has quite literally stolen his life from him. So again, it all ties back to him knowing that he doesn't know her, but wishing that he did. (I think I recall @theonlyadawong making a post interpreting that "night" they left off on referenced in damnation [which is clearly intended to be sexual😭] actually just being one long conversation wherein Leon gets to ask some of the many, many questions he's always had about her and Ada decides how much if it all she's willing to answer them and maybe asks a few in turn, and I'm just obsessed with the idea of that. Instantly incorporated into the worldview.)

All of this is to say I enjoy Aeon from a 99% one sided vaguely-slightly but not inherently romantic longing perspective but if they ever did become something explicitly romantic it would only possibly make sense to me if it was when Ada's whole...everything straight up stops working on Leon. It would have to be at a point where Leon has finally truly put her (and therefore Raccoon City by association) behind him, when he really stops reacting exactly as she expects him to, when he's actually capable of surprising her, and when he can meet her unexpected appearances with genuine indifference (all of which personally I don't think even could happen until he truly gets to make decisions about his own life again😭.) He's still Leon, he'd still help her if she was in trouble, but he's not gonna linger on it. I think only then could Leon possibly genuinely pique her interest as someone on equal standing and therefore open the door to her being even slightly inclined to share a hint of vulnerability with him and maybe actually eventually consider him a friend etc. I think knowing that he truly isn't looking at "Ada" when he looks at her would be absolutely necessary from her perspective. And this is why they kind of rule in re4make because it's absolutely the closest Leon has ever been to rejecting the dynamic that their (very meager and limited and mostly Leon-imagined) relationship was built on.

#TL;DR Aeon can't actually be real until Leon gets the fuck over her but I don't even necessarily want that because #the appeal to me is that Leon Can't completely get over the weird emotions he has surrounding her and suffers for it meanwhile Leon isn't #even a blip on her radar unless he happens to pop up on the chessboard immediately in front of her. Maybe once in a blue moon she sees or #hears something that reminds her of Leon Behavior and finds it amusing but she's definitely not losing #sleep over him the way that he absolutely has over her.#re #leon s kennedy #ada wong #aeon #<= yeah you could say idgaf 😏

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sunsetsnz · 1 year

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reassurance

summary: seph is having a hard time with the flu, and jonathan is there to console him through a particularly rough moment.

notes: sfw, some swearing. there isn’t actually much snz in this (technically two?) but there is plenty of illness/whump/comfort if you’re into that <3

-----------

Seph reaches for his water bottle in its usual place on the nightstand to attempt a sip. He winces. The cool water is momentarily soothing, but with his inflamed throat and swollen lymph nodes, swallowing is torture.

He's curled up in a miserable ball of infection in his own bed, head pounding with dull congestion, stuffed up to hell and back, shivers and aches running through him like tremors before an earthquake. He hasn't had the flu in quite a few years, and it's hitting him like a fucking train.

The arm nestled around his shoulders belongs to one Jonathan Dempsey, who’s watching this with quiet concern and trying his best to be subtle about it. His slightly bushy brows furrow when Seph swallows and whimpers, visibly in pain. His free hand reaches up to tuck a stray braid behind Seph's ear.

“I'm sorry, I know it hurts…”

Seph’s heart sinks in his chest. He feels so utterly pathetic right now he could cry, but he doesn’t want to look ridiculous in front of Jonathan.

“It’s dot your fault,” he croaks. Fuck, talking really hurts too.

They've been trying to watch a shared comfort movie in bed with the lights dimmed, at Seph's request, because anything bright physically hurts. Except it's not helping much tonight…nothing seems to be. His head is swimming too much to concentrate, he's shivering and sweating and nothing feels comfortable no matter what position he's in. He just feels…absolutely wretched and useless.

“I know,” Jonathan murmurs. “I just wish I could do more for you.”

With a weak sigh, Seph buries his aching face in his boyfriend’s fisherman sweater. It’s about the only thing bringing him any kind of comfort right now. Jonathan hugs him to his chest, rubbing his nose on the fuzzy sections of hair where each twist braid begins.

Seph loves having such a human pillow for a boyfriend, always wearing soft clothes and down to cuddle…but being touched and held in this state is reminding him just how gross and repulsive he looks and feels. It’s not the first time Jonathan has seen Seph ill, but he’s never been this bad in front of him before.

The irony of all this is not lost on Seph, either. He’s fully aware of how stupid these feelings are, considering his own kink, and how into Jonathan’s sneezes, allergies and colds he always is. It’s certainly never put him off. But he still can’t help the way he feels about himself, and it makes him feel even more pathetic.

The truth is that he honestly doesn't really want anyone to see or perceive him like this…even Jonathan. Especially Jonathan.

Yet here he is, lying in his partner's arms, snotting and breathing his contagiousness all over him. Shame and disgust begin to bubble up inside him as he thinks about how disgusted by him Jonathan probably is right now.

He starts to pull away from the embrace, and is met with a perplexed look.

“What's wrong?”

“I—” Seph's voice catches dangerously. Wearily he closes his eyes, knowing he has no strength to keep his emotions at bay right now but still trying to fight it anyway. “I just—”

Sitting up further, Jonathan nods for him to go on.

“I feel disgustig,” he eventually chokes out, hot tears pricking his eyes.

Jonathan looks confused again for a fraction of a second. When he realises that Seph means it literally, his face falls. “Wait, what?” He reaches out, touching Seph's knee. “You’re not! Oh, Seph, of course you're not.”

Humiliated by his own vulnerability, Seph turns away from him. “I'b sorry. You shouldd't even be anywhere near be right now...”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Sittig here, breathig all over you…it's gross. I'll make you sick, too.”

Shaking his head, Jonathan frowns. “You know I don't care about that.”

Back still turned, Seph's shoulders slump, voice cracking as the first of a stream of tears spills over and escapes down his cheek. “Well I do.”

Jonathan's entire being softens. Taking a second to pause the movie, he turns his full attention back to him with gentle determination. “Babe, look at me.”

For a moment, the only response he gets is a sniffle.

“Please…”

Wiping his eyes, Seph reluctantly half-turns his body to face him again. His warm brown skin tone is almost ashen, nose running helplessly, teardrops clinging to his eyelashes. He looks so miserable, it's breaking Jonathan's heart.

“You are not disgusting, Seph. Not at all,” Jonathan urges softly, cupping his damp cheek in his palm and brushing away a stray tear with his thumb. “I don't think that, and I'm not letting you believe that either, not for one second. If you don't want me to touch you, that's completely okay, but if it's because you think I'm grossed out, then you're astronomically wrong.”

Seph briefly meets his eyes, a shaky breath escaping his parted lips. “You're dot just sayig that?”

“I'm not.” Leaning in, Jonathan presses their foreheads together, their noses, their lips. “I love you, no matter what condition you're in.”

This seems to be exactly what Seph needed to hear, because his eyes flutter closed with an exhausted sigh. Wordlessly his fingers wrap around Jonathan's wrist, another tear streaking down his cheek.

Jonathan smiles gently, closing his eyes with him. “It's okay to be sick, y'know. It's okay to feel shitty. You're not superhuman, and nobody expects you to be. Least of all me.” He presses a kiss to Seph's burning forehead, murmuring against his skin. “You helped me feel less embarrassed and gross about the things that are out of my control — I'm gonna do the same for you.”

Seph simply nods, letting Jonathan hold him while he calms down, which is answer enough for Jonathan.

As emotions begin to wind down, he reaches for the handkerchief that lives in his pocket and dutifully dabs at his lover's tear-stained face and leaking nostrils. The motion seems to stir up Seph’s oversensitive nose, though, because his breath starts to hitch.

“Heh—heh—!”

Quickly Jonathan clamps the handkerchief over the twitching nose before him, right as Seph explodes into a messy double sneeze.

“—yyISSHUHH! T’ISSCHH-uhhh…”

Jonathan cringes as Seph clutches at his throat in pain once more, shuddering and sighing. Gently he mops his nose for him a second time. “There you go.”

Finally, after allowing himself back into Jonathan's arms and having pressed play on the movie once again, Seph finds his words.

“Sorry for beig such a mess,” he muffles, curling against his chest. Breaking down like that was embarrassing…but he can work on being more okay with that, after he recovers from this nasty flu. Despite the humiliation, it did feel good to let it out to Jonathan and to feel so safe and comforted in return. If it had to happen in front of anyone, he's really glad it was him.

A soft hum comes from atop his head, where Jonathan's chin rests gently. “No more apologising, okay?”

For the first time tonight, Seph's mouth quirks up into the tiniest of smiles. “Okay.”

“Good.” He can't see Jonathan's expression, but he can hear the smile in his voice too. “And no more talking for a while. I can hear how much it hurts to talk, so…rest your throat, love.”

Nodding against his chest, Seph murmurs sleepily in agreement.

“One last thig,” he whispers, reaching up to grasp Jonathan's hand in his own.

“Mm?”

There are many words floating around Seph’s tired mind, all of the sentiments he wishes he could adequately express sitting on the tip of his tongue: Thank you. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you. But he settles on the most important one, the only one that truly encompasses everything he wants to tell him.

“…I really love you.”

He feels Jonathan pull back just a little, and looks up to see that half-grin of his that feels like a patch of warm sunshine all on its own. It's not going to cure him tonight, but it sure isn't hurting.

“I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere.”

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pyrochoreia · 9 months

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Personally, I don't think that Ratchet ever would have felt betrayed by Drift because the kid never owed him anything and he never expected anything of him, nor would he have felt any resentment in the common fanon way of 'I didn't save your life so you could go do a murder'...

One of the key things that stuck out for me was that after they reunited they literally shared no panel time and Ratchet's literal first reaction to Drift going MIA was to worry about him. The punk was either fucked up or fucking shit up instead of escaping with them and in need of a slap, let's be real. Ratchet spent the next however long before they ever spoke on panel was putting himself directly in Drift's space.

Another thing I noticed is that Ratchet is acutely aware that Drift does not know how to defend himself unless resorting to violence; there were a couple instances where Ratchet has either openly stopped Drift from reacting on that impulse, scolding him for having that impulse, and Drift yelling for instruction because he doesn't know what to do as he was specifically told not to stab people. Drift seems to be more passive and confused when violence isn't an option, and seems to shut down or quietly cooperate as seen with how he deals with Rodimus (although a good portion of that was him letting Rodimus use him to keep him on track, more on that another time, because I'm upset by it forever). They had literally like, one argument on the Decepticon topic which crossed a previously undefined line that did result in Drift drawing a sword, highlighting both facts; Drift responds to feeling threatened with violence and that what Ratchet is feeling isn't betrayal since not only does it never really come up again but going forward he seems to instinctively know how to handle and approach Drift. It was also very clear that Ratchet wasn't afraid of him in that moment, so I'm also of the opinion that Ratchet never felt threatened by Drift and believed he wouldn't actually hurt him, knowing that the sword was being displayed defensively.

What I think that anger stemmed from was the fact that Ratchet felt responsible for Drift -- that him turning to the Decepticons was a result of him failing him when he needed help the most. Ratchet sees it as a logical choice from Drift's perspective; he was around since before the war, knew what Megatron stood for and what was being offered. The very sudden flip in Ratchet's handling of Drift following that incident was realisation that not only did he unintentionally make him feel cornered and likely hurt him, but the understanding that the anger he felt was at himself for not doing enough and not at Drift for taking what he likely saw as the only option at the time. After all, weren't they trying to do similar -- didn't they have the same end goal? Wasn't that the original conflict between Pax and Megatron, that after a particular incident their approach on the matter clashed?

Not to mention, some of that anger was fear that Drift might feel betrayed by him; after all they stood for in the past, Ratchet still chose the side opposing them. Did Drift resent him in some way because he'd left him before even fully chasing him out the door - had he felt discarded in that moment?

Since Cybertronians only have one sparkmate I'm of the opinion that there's a pull, that bonding is very literal in the old-old fanon way. While Ratchet wouldn't have fully understood his feelings towards Drift until much later (unless in the dumb AU I was plotting for my Shockwave) there still would have been that draw, and I 100% believe that he would have gone after the idiot if there was room for any sneaky hookups. They never did explain how or why Ratchet got kidnapped in the first place and never really came back to that topic, and it wouldn't surprise me if that was entirely because he'd just found out where Drift had gone, was personally offended by the discovery and decided that he was going to go collect him and unfortunately was discovered by someone else first.

Ratchlock nonsense in the canon story would be a lot of Ratchet bickering with Megatron for custody, more or less, and Megatron just Not Having Time For This Shit and probably calling Orion.

To be fair, a lot of the headcanon bits are because I write some of the other characters very particular ways - Megatron who would have forbade harm to knowingly come to the medical class, for example, that they would have had more ties with/offering aid to particular anti-government organisations and the Decepticon sympathisers (including some ocs here- madam Fireshine and the Pedlar's Inn), and Rathet's relation to my Trepan and Rung...

..........diarchy!Ratch though would have had that boy if he could help it, Deadlock or no.

Whirl heckles him in both stories. She Knows, even when he doesn't.

#dratchet hc bs #per my last reblog lolll #listen I've had five years to think about this guys since the series ended #help

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queerprayers · 1 year

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i wish i could be like you. i wish he could love me as he loves you. but im so far away. i ran away from him as fast as i could as a terrified and angry child but little did i know i didnt move an inch: hed never let me. for it i hate him, the feeling is mutual and my existance is concrete proof. is the transition from burning metaphorically to literally so jarring as it's said to be? i'll find out. he'll whisper the answer in my ear for the first and last time.

but im so very glad you found peace and love in him and im so happy the feeling is mutual. im not good with tone but like im being honest. i wish you the best in all you do.

Hello, beloved. This is so honest and vulnerable and I have so much love for you. I know it's been a long time, but I hear you. I don't know if anything I can say can get across to you how much you matter, how much I'm glad for your existence. But I'll always try. And I know all of this is easier said than lived out, but we have to say it first.

You're not like me, and you don't have my experiences and emotions, because you're not me. I don't know you, but I know we didn't grow up the same way, we weren't taught the same things, we don't have the same life. However appealing others' lives may seem, we can't have them. We only have what we've been given, however hard and alone it is. I'm sorry, but I'm mostly grateful that you can bring your unique experience to the world. Diversity of life benefits us all.

I don't know if you'll believe me, but I do know that I am not more loved than you. God's love is outside of our comprehension, and because it is infinite and more-than-human, we are held equally and fully in the universe's love. There is not more or less of it, it just is.

You're right, it doesn't matter how much you run--God is there. There is no place without Them. This is scary sometimes, and you can hate it, but I hope there are moments where this is comforting to you. Every moment of your life and experience is within God. Sometimes we need to run, transform our lives, exist completely differently. And you'll find God is there, too. And does it suck, to be fully known? Yeah, sometimes.

You're allowed to hate God. It's not a space I would recommend staying in, if only for your peace of mind, but it's allowed. It's a real experience. If that's where you are right now, that's where you are. Bring it to Them! There is no world in which God hates you back, but sometimes we can't believe that yet. For now, maybe, you bring your fear and anger and loneliness to God, and see what it can transform into.

Trying to comprehend God does burn, I know that all too well. But we cannot let that burning be mistaken for hate. Hate has touched me many times, especially as a queer person, and it's cold and unfeeling. But that burning? Learning to let God love us hurts. It's too much to bear, sometimes. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to live in an indifferent universe. Then I wouldn't feel like I owe anyone anything. But we don't, we live in a fully aware, breathing universe, that wants us to know Love. We can be angry at it, and then we can let it lead us to full life. You've opened up so much to me. Keep opening yourself up to people, to experience, and to God.

I can't tell you with any certainty what awaits you, especially after death. There's so much trust that goes into not being afraid of death, trust that you might not be able to process right now. Live, for now. Life is the most jarring thing you have to process/experience right now. Don't let thoughts of death take up your precious life.

I promise I don't have anything special. (Well, I do, with God's help, but no more than we all do.) At some point, I've thought almost everything you've written about myself and my own life. I've found peace and love with God, but I've also found anger and loneliness and doubt. I'm in a better space right now, and this blog reflects that, but I've fought to get here, tooth and nail. There is no peace without growth. There is no love without a fight.

Thank you for your kindness toward me, even as you struggle. It would be so easy for you to be angry with me. Happiness for the people we're jealous of is a skill I haven't fully learned yet. That right there, that compassion, tells me that you have so much love within you. Perhaps someday you can extend that love to yourself (who God made), and to the world (who is God). You're in my prayers. I'm proud of you.

<3 Johanna

#asks #y'all send me poetry and sometimes i don't know how to tell you that.

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danganronpasurvivoraskblog · 9 months

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So how are you gonna start the next arc like this?

//I knew I was going to get upset about it when the change was implemented, and as you can see by my toxic af messages previously, I was right.

//I've taken some time to think about it since then, and I need to just make a couple of statements.

//The ask box will remain open, but this will probably be the last you hear of me for a while until the day I announced I would start posting the next chapter of the story.

//As for what's going on, in the face of this new editor with it's 30 image limit completely fucking over my typical style and sequence of posts (for asks it's not a big deal, but for story posts and especially long answers, it's a problem to my entire setup, and as you can imagine, I am not ok with that) I have taken some time to come up with a plan going forward.

//First and foremost, I'm not going to stop writing just because the designers of this website lost 90 braincells as well as the nerves in their eyes and ears. As stupid as these changes are, I'm fully aware that there's nothing I can do about them, and I'm not going to stop this blog's progression, or stop answering asks just because of these difficulties.

//In the past, when these changes happened, I overreacted and complained like a child. I apologize for those instances, and I've worked towards bettering myself. That doesn't mean I can't still take issues with these changes, because they are stupid, but don't let my misdirections as a human being affect your enjoyment of my writing. I will keep this blog going.

//Right now, I have come to a few solutions. Initially, I said I would move the story posts at least, to a different website. However, I retract that statement, because doing so would require my readers to sign up and create new accounts on totally different websites that they might not use for anything else.

//The CURRENT plan is that there are a variety of mods available on the internet that allows you to use the old Tumblr editor. If I can find one that bypasses the limit, I'll be golden.

//Failing that, as much as it sucks to think about, my only remaining option is to suck it up and use the new editor. As for the image limit, it may result in me having to split the story up into multiple different posts a day to get the full chapter done.

//The reason why I wished to avoid it is because with Tumblr's horrible navigation system, made WORSE by the current changes, is that it'll be hard to order all the posts together. I could repost my own posts to continue, but that also clutters the blog with meaningless posts, so I'm hoping to avoid it. Plus, it's only a matter of time before reblogs get hit with the "SHIT CHANGE" laser, so it's not a long-lasting solution.

//To make it a bit easier, if I do resort to this, I will be posting the link to the next part of each chapter in links at the bottom of each post. I will also be adding a #story tag on these posts to make them easier to find. I should have incorporated this a long time ago, but my slow dumb ass didn't think it was necessary.

//With all that said, if anyone has links to any useful mods, or any alternative solutions I could use, I am more than open to suggestions. So if you could leave those in either DM's or in the ask box, I would appreciate it. Assuming they work, you would LITERALLY be saving my life.

//And potentially the lives of other blogs like this one who are suffering because of this bullshit. I'll definitely be sure to share your advice to whoever may need it, like Aliza or Bubbles.

//Ultimately, there's no great solution to this, but this is the unfortunate position that Tumblr has put us in. And as much as I hate it, all I can do is take my licks and keep going.

//I want to take this moment to thank you guys for being such a supportive and kind audience. People like you are a dime a dozen, and I hope to continue to get your support for the foreseeable future.

//This story isn't finished yet.

-Mod

#mod #important notice #tumblr

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