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sofia-not-sophie · 3 days

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In honor of Jason's death day I am posting a bit of a wip that will eventually turn into a Red Hood Bruce AU. (Yes there is only half an hour left today shhhh). Let me know if anyone would be interested in reading more of this kind of thing!! (Character Death tw for the whole of the text coming up, also minor panic attack of a non pov character)

Presenting:

Crossing That Line

Dick frantically punched his security code and the code for the watchtower into the zeta. Batman had sent multiple distress signals using his justice league and batcave beacon in the last ten seconds. Then all of his biometrics trackers went offline and new distress beacons stopped coming in. Bruce had been dealing with a justice league level threat for the past few days, so Dick had been taking the opportunity of a Bruce-less manor to spend time with Jason. He wasn’t looking forward to staying to babysit an injured Bruce, but at the same time Bruce was his sort of not really dad, right?

Dick wasn’t sure how long he had frozen once he saw the biometrics readings stop, but his training kicked in eventually and he was now on his way to see what he could do to help. Even if that was just standing by while someone else handled Bruce’s injuries.

He reached the watchtower and ran to the medical wing. The Justice League were all inside. Superman was sitting in a chair with yellow sunlamps trained on him, a bloody set of tears marring his suit, clearly his own blood, as Dick could see the injuries on his skin slowly healing themselves under the sunlight. He looked quite literally green around the gills, kryptonite then.

The others were around in various states of injured, but none of them were as severe as Superman’s injuries. Flash was helping Green lantern wrap a wound that probably had already been stitched up, but everyone else looked fine.

Then Dick noticed that Diana was standing at the end of a bed that had a sheet over it. There was clearly a body underneath. And Batman was the only person unaccounted for.

“Dick.” Clark said, his voice breaking.

Dick couldn’t say anything, he wordlessly moved over to the bed and pulled back the sheet. The cowl was still over Bruce’s face but it was severely damaged. Burns and scrapes and soot covered what parts of his face were visible. Dick put his ear by where Bruce’s heart should be and listened for a heartbeat.

Nothing.

Dick checked Bruce’s pulse.

Nothing.

“What happened?” Dick asked, becasue if he didn’t he might just get lost in his own thoughts and memories.

“Lex and the Joker.” Clark said, “They were making some sort of space laser together. I’m not sure to what end. I went to confront them while the others handled the guards. B, he went to dismantle the weapon. But there was a failsafe bomb. We couldn’t— We weren’t able to get to him. Not until after.”

A beep sounded someone arriving at the zeta station. A few seconds later Jason burst in in his full Robin outfit. Wait, Dick was still in his sweatpants. Not even a mask. What would Bruce say?

Dick wished he could hear Bruce tell him off for being in civilian clothes in the watchtower.

“I saw the distress record and your zeta logs.” Jason said, “What happened?”

“Jason.” Dick started and stopped, trying to put himself in between Bruce’s body and Jason.

“Can I at least see B? He’s my dad too you know.”

“Jason something really bad happened.” Dick felt the words spill out.

“What’s wrong? Where’s B?”

“He’s gone, Little Wing.” Dick bent down slightly to meet Jason’s eyes, or rather the white lenses of his mask, at level.

“No! He can’t be. He’s Batman.” Jason then seemed to notice Bruce’s still uncovered face on the bed. Jason ran the same tests that Dick had, adding in checking for breath fog on the edge of a batarang for good measure.

Jason finally pulled the sheet back over Bruce’s head and turned from the bed, he looked about three shades paler than normal. His breathing was racing and Dick noticed Clark looking at Jason with concern.

Shit. What did Bruce normally do to help with the panic attacks?

Dick silently tugged Jason to sit on the floor with his back against a wall. “Breathe, Jay. It’s gonna be alright.”

“Where am I going to go?” Jason whispered, still in a panic. It seemed to be more to himself than to Dick but Dick answered anyway.

“Breathe. You’re not going anywhere. You stay at the manor, I’ll move back in. You’re not going to get kicked out. Can you take a deep breath with me?”

Dick guided Jason’s hand to the front seam of the Robin costume so he could feel his own diaphragm move. Dick counted as he breathed in and out and slowly Jason’s breaths started to match his own.

“He’s gone.” Jason whispered.

Dick didn’t know what to say.

“How do we tell Alfred?”

Dick hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“I can tell him.” Clark said, “You kids shouldn’t have to worry about that.”

Dick nodded. Where was his voice? Part of him wanted to say that he should deliver it, he’s family, or maybe that he wasn’t a kid anymore.

“What do we do then?” Jason asked.

“Let’s go home and get you into some pajamas.” Clark said.

“I don’t want to leave him.” Dick said, looking at the sheet covering Bruce. “Alfred should have codes for the zeta to use in case of this specific issue. Have him bring the contingency files for a code dark night.”

Clark nodded and stood up. He still looked uneasy on his feet, but he got Jason to the zeta point. The rest of the League took the hint and made themselves scarce, leaving Dick alone with Bruce.

The sense of deja vu was sickening. It brought him back to the first minutes after his parents’ fall. Dick was the first one to get to them and for what felt like hours it was just him and his parents’ bodies in the middle of the ring. It hadn’t actually been that long until there were police and someone else in the circus, Dick couldn’t even remember who, was pulling him away and trying to comfort him. And then there was Bruce. Who Dick had talked to briefly that day, back then he had just been a random stranger offering condolences. Now…

Dick looked back at the sheet.

Bruce was dead.

What the hell was Dick supposed to do now?

#this is still wip so it's a bit messy still #but I wanted to share something since it's been forever since I've posted writing on here #Crossing that line au #batfamily #bruce wayne #batman #jason todd #robin #dick grayson #nightwing #red hood #dc comics #dc #appie is a writer!

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zaceouiswriting · 5 months

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Fairy Prince - Hearts of Leviathans - Ch.16

Character: Sky x male reader, Riven x male reader, Brandon x male reader

Universe: Somewhere in Winx Club/Saga

Warnings: None

A warm summer breeze blew over me and tickled my skin. As soon as I entered the old training field, once used for both mages and specialists, I could see that everything was in such a dilapidated state that attempting to clean anything was a task no one could accomplish alone.

The sword-fighting area was completely overgrown. Some flowers have even dug through the hard soil and bloomed on the ground, which has seen more blood than most battlefields.

Saddest of all is the location for target training, where easy-to-build golems once simulated combat. The place is completely covered, but the roof had long since collapsed, so the weather had made things difficult for the poor golems. They look in bad shape, and their power cores seem empty for a long time. This is truly unfortunate, as these golems were built to grow with each fighter who uses them for training, helping them improve their skills.

My heart aches as I see all this, for this was once one of the few prides my family still has outside of our planet and empire, which is why it hurts me so much to see it in such chaos. With turbulent feelings, I just let myself fall to the ground into the soft, warm grass. As I lie there, I play with the grass and even pick a few of the colorful flowers.

After waiting a few minutes, I start making some flower crowns to pass the time. I even ignore the first steps that get closer and closer to where I lie peacefully in the grass.

I know those arrogant snobs will whine when they see the dilapidated state of the place, with broken pillars, massive stones lying all over the ground, and the literally impossible to fight upon uneven ground.

And as if I was waiting for the cue, not too far away, I could hear the first few people complaining about not being dressed for a trip into the supposed "wilderness."

Their ignorance annoys me to no end. Why were they so problematic about things like this? For my own good, I ignore them and continue to relax on the green floor. A few flower crowns sit on my chest.

I can once again feel disapproving looks on me. For some reason, they start to get to me in ways they've never done before, perhaps because it feels more disrespectful since they're doing it on grounds built by my ancestors. An area that only listens to me.

Out of nowhere, a hand suddenly appears in my field of vision. The skin structure is flawless except for a scar that is almost invisible at this point. But my anger, simmering deep within me, wouldn't let me take his hand. So I jumped back to my feet without help, the flower crowns hanging on my left hand.

I didn't even look back to see how Cory reacted to my simple but effective refusal to take his hand. As in ancient traditions, if a King or his Heir does not accept the helping hand of one of his knights, he is in disgrace or on the way there.

I leisurely walk to the stands, carefully setting down the freshly made flower wreaths before I finally turn around and face the few hundred people intently staring at me.

The few teachers who came with the classes look down on me as much as the students. What in the name of the red darkness is wrong with these people?

I had to close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing to calm myself down because their vile behavior is starting to get on my nerves. I wonder how far their faces will fall when they find out I never did anything wrong. Just the idea puts another smile on my face. It quickly turns into a sinister grin that seems to unnerve the others.

“Then can we get started?”

The teachers look at each other. Except that Saladin steps forward as the others seem unwilling to test me. With a crack of his staff on the ground, which he magically hardened, he says, "We chose Artheon to-"

“No,” I say without hesitation. "I want to fight the three idiots who 'captured' me. We'll see how far they get when I have a weapon, too." My sinister smile only grew, bringing chills to most that I could see their face sweating profusely.

Even Saladin seems unsettled by my authoritative manner of speaking. I don't even know where it came from. Maybe because I don't feel like I belong to any of their factions and therefore view the older teachers as mere human beings and not as authority figures? Or maybe even their complete disregard for my person? Who knows?

Anyway, I turn away from them and stare in the direction of the three idiots.

“You first!” I point directly at the purple-haired guy.

He steps forward, teeth clenched, a fierce anger in his eyes so blazing it makes me want to fight him even more. As he approached, the others backed away, led by their teachers. The girls were taken to the dilapidated stands. Most of them look disgusted at the dirty or broken stones, which makes my anger flare up again.

“Look here!” The bold guy suddenly called out to me. Two green daggers in his hands.

“That’s a joke, right?” I ask quietly, looking him up and down. My eagerness to fight him died when I saw his weapons. His footing is good, but I could already see that the uneven ground would be problematic for him. “Do you need more stable ground?” I ask him directly, my left eyebrow raised questioningly.

He scoffs and is ready to say something, but then he loses his balance as he tries to change his position just a little.

I roll my eyes. The only thing I want is to watch him eat dirt, but I also want no one to be able to say it was unfair when I wipe the floor with his stupid face. So, instead of reaching for the weapon Cory brought, which he is holding out to me, I close my eyes. The people actively watching start chatting quickly, talking about me again, and nothing flattering.

But everyone's eyes immediately widened when I opened mine again. Pure magic flows through my veins and shows itself in the intense brown glow of my eyes. I could feel the entire training ground buried under soil and plants. As I feel everything up and down to ensure I have everything under my control, the whole place suddenly shook under the power of my magic. Fear coursed through everyone who saw the extent of my abilities.

“Stay still!” I shout to my first opponent. He's shaking more than the others, obviously scared out of his mind.

As I expected, he didn't stop but tries to escape the violent quake. I didn't let him out of my sight. Even when he finally freezes, as it becomes clear to him that I'm peeling away the dirt from the cut stone underneath and don't want to attack him.

His eyes widen in shock. Suddenly, tons of dirt literally pour into the air. Magic and dirt swirl around us. Soon, a massive shadow hangs over our heads as the small arena beneath us is clean again. A rectangular flat surface appears: the stones are pure white marble, from my home world, as this stone is almost indestructible.

Usually, this stone is a single slab forming a ground. But here, they have been cut into large individual bricks. There is a staircase with three steps around the edges. It makes it appear like a small fighting pit.

The only dirt left is under my opponent's feet and under my own. Since he's still frozen solid, I take the first step. As soon as I left the dirt, it swung up and crashed into the other flying dirt.

Even after this spectacle, the other didn't move, even though he had seen what he had to do. So that the last bit of dirt can finally leave this field that once produced some of the best fighters in the magic and specialist fields.

It got so annoying that I was almost ready to walk up to the guy and knock him off the little platform he is standing on, only for him to suddenly step off the platform himself as I only have taken one step toward him. As soon as he did that, the dirt makes its way up.

When all the dirt was finally together, I let the lump fly to the side, to a spot on the opposite side of the benches where I have already placed two pieces of columns that once stood proudly and held up the roof of an outbuilding. I use this to keep the dirt separate from the rest of the place, as I don't want any more work to be done in the future.

"He didn't even use a spell," one of the teachers muttered. One I hadn't seen before. A peculiar man with pointy ears and a terrible fashion sense. His eyes were curious, not a hint of contempt on his face.

And here I was, always thinking elves were the arrogant ones. How foolish of me.

His little comment even makes me blush. It was hard training that I had to go through to do that. My magic teacher, a two-star grandmaster in the field of earth magic, an eccentric, strict man, but he taught me well. After I did it, he confessed to being jealous because it had taken him almost a hundred years to learn it, while I did it within four years.

Back then, I still had to think about the magic, the effect, and the spell. These days, I only need to know what I want to do.

The only problem is that the magic used for this is not fairy magic but regular magic, in which I'm far more competent than I could ever dream to be at my inherited fairy magic.

However, the situation is different with fairy magic, as this form of magic is bound within one's self and cannot be strengthened by the surrounding magic. And even among fairies, there are differences. Ordinary fairies can only use their own magic, but guardian fairies can draw on their planet's magic.

While other fairies, such as protectors or healers, have powerful magic in their respective areas, guardian fairies are exceptionally powerful, so much so that they defy logic and push the boundaries of nature itself.

While a healer fairy can defeat disease, guardian fairies can stop global disasters.

“Thanks,” I murmur quietly, rather embarrassed by the compliment.

But the teacher stares absentmindedly into space, seemingly far away in his thoughts.

Taken aback by this, I turn my attention to the purple-haired guy, still shaking slightly.

“Do you need a moment, Purple?” I ask. “If so, Blondie can take your place in the first fight,” I continue to tease him.

The guy stares at me with his violet eyes, glowing at me in silent anger. His teeth gritted, strengthening the feeling of his rage. If he had been any other guy, I might have been softer. But I'm just worried about whether I can stop myself from killing him.

“I knew you are still afraid of me,” he says suddenly. His angrily clenched teeth have turned into a wide grin.

Suddenly, the guy takes out the two small pieces of metal. I didn't even notice that he put them away. Still, I feel the need to make fun of him. But when I open my mouth, out of those two pieces of metal come out the two green blades I saw before. My desire to make fun of him only increased. He has such a big mouth and yet such small weapons.

Suddenly, I could see a similar weapon. An older man, probably a teacher with a face of five hundred years of rain, extends his hand to me. For a second, I look over at Corey. Silently, I wonder if he gave the man the weapon, but he only stares at me blankly. The moment I take it from him, the man is already walking away. I look at it from all sides, but I couldn't figure out how to use it. So I tap on anything that seems strange, but nothing happens.

The teacher quickly returns, turns the metal over, and activates it. A yellow blade comes out that is the size of a long sword. It feels strange in my hand, too light.

“Ready!” the same man suddenly shouts, startling me.

His words take me out of my thoughts. I move the sword in front of me. Just from this small movement, I can tell that the sword is too light for me. But I still get into position. My eyes fixed on my opponent the whole time. Even from a distance, I could see that while his stance is pretty shaky, he still has significant potential to master his weapons. It's a shame he obviously never received any real training outside of the academy. Although, a year can only do so much.

“And go!“

[Masterlist]

#x male reader #male reader #winx club #winx saga #winx saga x male reader #brandon x male reader #brandon #sky x male reader #sky #riven #riven x male reader #winx club x male reader #series #fairy prince

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lilliathshifts · 16 days

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I’m on my way to get my blood drawn and I’m actually going to cry. I’m so scared, y’all don’t even understand. My stomach is in knots, I feel like I’m going to vomit, I can FEEL my heart rate going up. My parents are saying I’m being dramatic but my dr literally told them I probably have an anxiety disorder, this is just my regular fear. It feels like my mom is spending to the appointment rn. I couldn’t eat 24 hours before so I’m STARVING but maybe I’ll be skinnier 😝

(I won’t be) but I girl and dream. I’m honestly scared if the results bc I’m not healthy.. at all. I have ARFID, right, so thy means the foods I feel safe eating are very limited and the only vegetable that is in my safe foods is potatoes 💀

I don’t work out bc the moment I get hot, I’m instantly overstimulated and want to rip my skin off. Like I get working out isn’t fun but THIS.. this makes me want to 💀 and this isn’t an over exaggeration.

I’m half way there now and I’ve been manifesting (for 3-4 hours) that my test results are great and nothing is wrong with me but I keep getting the anxious feeling so I feel like manifesting won’t work but I KNOW it will and I don’t need to doubt it.

Atp, imma start praying to Lucifer bc he’s the only one I know of that will actually listen.

Wish me luck bros (I’m currently fighting back tears)

UPDATE: it wasn’t bad.. too bad. I’ll admit, I did psych myself out. Everyone was saying “it’s like a bee sting” those things hurt bro. It’s more like someone slightly pinching you, but that does depend on who does it. Anyway, ladies, don’t let your boyfriend stop you from finding your wife 🩷👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

#IM SO SCARED RNN 😭😭#I’m getting my blood drawn #reality shifting #reality shifting methods #shiftblr #shifters #shifting #shifting community #anti shifters dni #shiftinconsciousness #desired reality #permashifting #manifesting

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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My previous asks about biting is just because i have cute aggression and your works are so cute (usually, one time i wanted to test out how dramatic my mascara was so i read some of your angst, cried) but now that i really think about it? my number one competitor is Il Dottore himself

It's my personal headcanon dottore has really bad cute aggression, sure it's mainly under control now because he's been alive for fuckinf Centuries (for all childhood friends works where the reader is male would it count as old man yaoi- *gets shot*) but with his lover? absolutely out of control

Maybe they're cuddling and his lover's hand gets close to his mouth? eated, chomped

childhood friends reader who has scars on their arms because of how hard dottore has bitten them

it gets so bad that the reader has to give him a taste of his own medicine, he bit them a few minutes ago and now he has his hand by their mouth? EATED (he gets so confused and then Realizes, unbeknownst to you, you started an all out war.)

Make sure to wear turtlenecks during the chomping war because if you walk past him wearing like, a tee-shirt he'll just move the collar of the shirt (or even stretch it, bastard) just to bite your shoulder and then act like nothing happened

after about the first week, you both look like you were mauled by a small cat.

Eventually, a truce is made, so it's not as bad, but you two still bite each other like feral cats.. It's just more provoked rather than "i have to get them back IMMEDIATELY"

So there's not as many bite marks everywhere, mainly on each other's arm and hands now because, what else are you supposed to do if your lover's hand is by your mouth? kiss it? fucking casual. Bite his cheek and watch him go absolutely insane though

some other harbingers who i think have cute aggression but not as bad

The second place is pantalone, he isnt bitey, but he will grab, squish, and tug at your cheeks aggressively if you say or do something cute whole cooing about the cuteness of what you just did

columbina will just, hug and squeeze you really REALLY tight if you do something cute, its hard to breathe but thats ok

the last and (funnily enough) least aggressive when it comes it cuteness, is childe, he'll hug you tightly (not as tight as columbina) and squish your cheeks, but only for a few seconds (unlike pantalone, who will literally make your face numb) he is lime a healthy mix of both of those two, he will get bitey however. - 🎈 pspsp smooches cmere i promise i wont bite you (lying)

🎈 ANON?? HELP IM SORRY FOR MESSING UP YOUR MASCARA I DIDNT MEAN TO 😭 (or did I?) But omg, I honestly didn't know what cute aggression was until now, thank you for informing me of this AND I'M GONNA BE STEALING YOUR HCS BC THATS TOO CUTE 🤲❤️❤️😭

I'm just. EXPLODING 💥 Bro doesn't know how to control his biting strength too so he ends up drawing blood sometimes 😔 (But it's okay since it's Dottore) I bet people assume the scars you have are from something cool like battles but nope... you got BIT by a human, multiple times at that. The first time it happened you probably let out a little scream because he's literally nomming on you unprompted and... you've never met anyone who does that 😨 I wonder if he even has an explanation for it or he just... does it? He just wants to bite you and he will, you can't stop him😭🙏

I mean, you get used to the random bitings, but if there's one thing about you, is that you will put him in his place if need be! If Dottore thinks he can just go on ranting about his research after fatally biting you, he's wrong 😒 He starts waving his hands around in excitement and you know what. Bitten. Nom-nom. Congrats. This is one of the very few times Dottore's rendered speechless. (Worst mistake of your life.) You know how regular couples give each other good morning/night kisses? Well Zandik does something like that... he just bites you unprovoked instead. It's the absolute worst during the Akademiya because you're sweating so hard trying to cover all of your skin but also trying to avoid getting nipped on the neck by that irritating deadly scholar 🫠 He is so nonchalant about it too 😒 But you're not. As soon as you land a bite you're grinning so hard and he's just like 😐 Ehehe... pretending to kiss his cheek and then nibbling on it and giving it a lil bite... I'm evaporating... i love the little love bites <3

THE PANTALONE ONE IS SOOO TRUEEE AWWW 😭🥺🥺🥺 I see him as very touchy so omggg him squishing your cheeks is so cute 😭 You would just be talking and saying something unintentionally adorable to him and all of a sudden he's cupping and then squishing your cheeks all while going on about how cute his darling is, and your words are now getting all garbled up 😔 it's A NEED. (Then he'll kiss your cheeks so gently if you get pouty cuz he pulled too hard :(( <3)

100% agreed on Bina she is. A MONSTER. when it comes to those hugs, you may faint if you don't build up some resistance to it. You can try to do it back to her but for some reason, she isn't really affected by it even if you muster up all your strength, but she still adores the notion! And Childe... RAHHH THESE ARE SO GOOD!! It's funny for him to be the least aggressive but his co-workers are something else I guess 😭 We love a king who's so affectionate but also won't kill you with it 🤭 I imagine if you return it he would be so flattered...especially if you're strong enough to actually keep him from leaving your hug. Now that's the good stuff.

🎈 anon 😳 you can bite me if you want, I don't mind 😌🫶

#smooches talks #🎈 anon #i will proudly wear my bite marks 🔥#his shark teeth are soooo freaking cute ahh #bro prolly bites harder than a rishboland tiger #the pantalone one really has me swooning i cant #dottore love notes <3 #pantalone love notes <3 #columbina love notes <3 #childe love notes <3

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parasprite · 1 month

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diet culture rant. tw for discussions of orthorexia

I HATEEE the phrase "processed foods" god damn it. i watched a video about something unrelated the other day where a woman mentioned that she "cut out processed foods" and just hearing that has totally killed my appetite this week

to me that genre of diet culture language is implicitly classist and ableist cause obviously the people who rely more on "processed" food are people who don't have as much time, money or energy to shop or cook. but these middle class work from home people can just be like "yeah i only put whole foods in my body and it makes me feel so much better" and it pisses me off SO FUCKING BAD‼️

cause like idk. the whole idea of there being a good food vs bad food dichotomy is incredibly triggering to me. even though i know it's all diet culture bullshit it still makes me start overthinking and losing my appetite. growing up my parents would have extremely overblown reactions if i ate the wrong thing (my mum especially likening certain foods to "poison") so. probably something to do with that. and this is not even anything to do with weight cause if anything i really wanna Gain weight which is why im so pissed off that shit like this nerfs my appetite. it doesn't help that "processed" is a meaningless term... literally everything is processed dipshit. smoothies are pureed fruit, that's processed. milk is pasteurised. grains are processed into flour. meat is butchered and mashed up. yogurt and cheese are fermented. herbs get dried and ground into little flakes. fruits and vegetables get processed into boxes and cans and bite size pieces, juiced and freeze dried and cooked into a sauce. everything gets washed.

anyways i feel like orthorexia is so incredibly common and insidious in our society these days and people fucking promote it at every turn. no restrictive eating is not healthy. keto is not healthy. whole food diet is not healthy. non gmo is not healthy. id say "unless your doctor recommends it it's not healthy" but doctors are fucking ableist and fatphobic so fuck that. you don't even need to eat a "balanced diet" cause plenty of folk with arfid eat the same thing every day and they turn out totally healthy. if your blood tests say you're deficient in something you can just take gummy supplements its fucking chill. people can eat whatever the fuck they want. cause when diet culture gets into peoples' heads and makes them start overthinking all their food choices, That's how you make folk starve themselves, shame themselves, and take away a hugely important piece of their agency and choice.

#ok honestly it really helped me to write that all out. im gonna go uave some chicken nuggets now

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dnpsuck · 2 years

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(different anon) i do want your opinion on the john mulaney divorce drama actually. i may even agree

i have a loooooot to say about this and it’s not at all popular so it’s under the cut and it’s long lmao cw: nuance

my opinion is that the treatment he received after he left rehab and filed for divorce shows that we don't care about drug addicts at all. literally i once saw a tiktok that made my blood boil because they listed "is a drug addict" as a reason to hate him and... how dense can you be? addiction isn't a personality trait or a quirk, it's a fucking disease that could still kill him if he ever relapses again.

his life was never as publicized and torn apart as it was the minute he left rehab (and yet somehow people still managed to get so many things wrong?), there were tweets and tiktoks spewing all kinds of hateful things about him right after he received treatment for his relapse. also people started coming up with extremely invasive speculation and rumors (that may or may not be true but that's not the point here) and accusing him of things none of the people involved accused him of and still doubling down on their hate for him when... most things actually back the timeline john himself gave us?

around oct-dec 2020 (or even earlier) a much smaller, but super invasive, group of people in the john fandom were already aware of their separation because they were never spotted together anymore and anna fully stopped using 'mulaney' as her last name way before we knew john was in rehab (as well as people with information from "sources" etc but that's too deuxmoi-y for my taste). then john left rehab in february 2021 and immediately filed for divorce - and y'know how in rehab people are encouraged to get out of situations and relationships that can lead them to another relapse? and then he left rehab and immediately filed for divorce? what's. not. clicking.

but, anyway, the divorce news only came out around may, almost at the same time as the news about olivia and because of this timing some people to this day still believe that it all happened on the same week when in reality he and anna had not been together for like. half a year lmao

and i love anna. i'm not in any way saying she's in the wrong in this situation, she went through a shitty divorce, after a shitty year and unfortunately her ex-husband moved on really fast, and because of exaggerated public attention, he also moved on REALLY publicly, and that's fucking shitty. i felt awful for her because of course i didn't want that to happen for them, i loved john and anna together, i genuinely believe they’d be together forever and obviously i was disappointed by the news.

but the thing is... divorce happens. life in 2020 was tough on everybody, people were forced to be confined and everything was put to the test, and a relationship with an addict is difficult as is; now add the weight of a global pandemic and everything else? it's chaos. survival of the fittest and they weren’t the fittest regardless of what people imagined of them.

and we don't even know if it was the relapse leading to the divorce or the divorce leading to the relapse but it was definitely a year that put their relationship to the test and they fucking failed. people who love each other still get divorced. and they can be individually really good people who genuinely loved each other but even then relationships can become bad and if divorce seemed like the solution for the guy that needed to do something about his life in order to not relapse on cocaine again then... i'm glad he chose what was best for him.

but then you go on tiktok and there were hundreds of people who watched 2 john mulaney specials and read deuxmoi like the bible and they were saying shit like "anna got me in the divorce!!!" and doing the most to have the cleverest joke or make the best disappointed face for a few likes and it was genuinely draining. because even if the timeline he offered was 100% false and he did cheat on anna with olivia and all the other awful things he was senselessly accused of (again all anna officially said about the divorce is that she was heartbroken that he decided to end their marriage but wished him well etc), even if he did all of that, the lack of care in the way people talked about him in the first year of his recovery is just fucking cruel.

i’m not saying everyone should’ve babied him and been like “uwu love u mr mulaney you’ve never done anything wrong ever” but on the simple basis that the guy was in recovery for a cocaine addiction, after being sober for well over a decade (for context: anna met him years after he got clean), ideally people would’ve just backed off and let the guy live his life as best as he could. even if he did things i personally wouldn’t have done in my recovery lol

and i wish anna had been left alone too - i love that she got recognition with her work because she’s very talented and dinner in march + the december 2021 version of dinner in march are fucking beautiful (the dec one is my favorite). but it’s sad that most of the people that are paying attention to her art, even now, almost 2 years later, are only doing that because they wanna diss her ex-husband. and if you’re only admiring anna’s work to find clues of john in it, then she’s not the one that got you in the divorce after all.

the other day i saw a tiktok edit of anna to some sad music with the caption like “omg it’s her song 😥” and it’s... genuinely so sad that if these are the people that are gonna be promoting her work to new audiences, she’s always gonna be tied to her ex-husband. she’s always gonna be introduced through this kind of really pathetic lens instead of having her actual work be the selling point (and her work is fantastic when you see the art itself and not the comedian she used to be married to). they’re basically dooming and reducing her to this divorce.

just leave these people alone. they’re grown adults trying to live their private lives after shitty years. if u wanna laugh at funny jokes, go do that. if u wanna look at art and photography about loss and whatnot, go do that too. stop acting like divorce is some sort of moral issue in the fucking 2020s. move on.

anyway, i know i’m biased and i'd been following john, his career and whatever he shared of his life since 2013-14, but more than a bias, it definitely makes me more sensible to the fact that john could still relapse again, and it could be fatal, and he has a lot at stake now (a whole child). so i do believe his well-being is a bigger priority than how upset i was about john and anna’s marriage ending.

he’d talked so much about his addiction and alcohol issues, which started when he was basically a kid, in his stand-up, in interviews, on podcasts, etc., and how drugs and alcohol made him a terrible person and how much work he’s had to put into controlling his urges with substances etc, and i remember him saying in some podcast (before the 2020 relapse) that he realized he needed help with his addictions when he looked at himself from an outside perspective and realized "oh i'm not rooting for that guy anymore" and then he relapses again, gets the help he needs and as soon as he's out, people decide that divorce is absolutely unacceptable and say "we're not rooting for this guy anymore" and it's like lol. nice priorities y'all got there. but anyway. i’m glad he managed to get by

TLDR; his divorce was a normal thing that happens to like 50% of marriages, and it was all blown out of proportion because of unhealthy attachments to celebrities (which i am definitely at a fault here but at least i do my best to have my facts right). people prioritized taking sides on a divorce they were not a part of and making annoying tiktoks with baseless speculation for clout instead of letting a recovering addict just recover, or letting a recent divorcee just move on

with all of that said, the most disappointing thing about john after rehab was the thing with chappelle. it was fucking embarrassing and truly unnecessary, and it’s what made me take a step back from stanning. still wishing him well

#addiction cw #drugs cw #alcoholism cw #lola.ask

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riverstardis · 1 year

Text

series 33 episode 1:

ohh shit i forgot it opened like this. with the blood in the ambulance station

mia :(

ethan's come in on his day off because eddie has some research papers he needs or something and connie just won't tell him what's happened at all. she says he's helping the police with an enquiry and has been suspended and he asks why they arrested him and she's like "i'm not at liberty to say" "i was his mentor, so don't i have a right to know?" "well considering the circumstances-" "i would but i don't know what they are!" 😭 i get that the reason she's hesitant to tell him is because it's alicia (even though they aren't even together*) but like literally everyone else knows at this point, eddie was arrested right in front of everybody who was there so it's not like it's a secret and he's right he was his mentor so it doesn't make sense not to tell him

*that reminds me actually, they'd fallen out and weren't speaking when eddie first joined the ed, and they had literally only just made up on the day of the competition, so why did eddie think they were together? they just have that energy around them where it's so obvious how they feel about each other i guess😭

connie says that she's a doctor down because of eddie so asks ethan to stay and work and he says he can't so she'll have to ask someone else and goes "what about alicia?" and she's like "dr munroe's off sick, so if you take minors?" "hang on, has something happened to alicia?" and connie and charlie look uncomfortable so he's like "let me guess, you're not at liberty to say."😭😭😭

iain is saying that mia's answered all the questions well enough that they can't deem her an immediate risk or something and then he gets the call for alicia on the radio "female fallen through glass window, reports of massive blood loss" and iain recognises the address as being alicia's house

iain says they can take it but ruby isn't sure about leaving😬 iain says that alicia's his friend and that mia passed the test with flying colours and she always does

alicia :(

OOF that is one nasty crash

god🙁

iain realising it was mia who jumped from the bridge and she's saying she doesn't want to die😢

alicia and ruby are trapped in the back of the ambulance and alicia's losing consciousness so ruby's like "tell me about your day" and alicia's like "that's a bad place to start"😭😭

alicia says she needs another tourniquet but they don't have another so ruby's suggests the cord in her trousers and alicia's like "we've only just met"😭

aww ethan's texting alicia saying he's heard she's not very well🥺 well that's not technically wrong at this point

alicia talking ruby through reducing her shoulder dislocation

ethan overhears connie telling jan and sam that iain and ruby's ambulance was involved in the crash and that they were bringing in alicia and he tries to go with them but connie's like "absolutely not." and he's like "but it's alicia!" and says they need a consultant and she says they need someone who will be objective and sends dylan😭

sam goes "hop in! it'll just be like old times" and dylan goes "will it? working with my ex wife and the man that she had an affair with at a motorway pileup? yes, sweet sweet memories. great days." SJJSFGJ

"alicia, ethan's asking after you"🥺🥺🥺

when they're treating alicia rash says to ethan "i was questioned by the police earlier. you don't think eddie had something to do with this do you?" and connie tells him off for gossiping and ethan's like ?????? 😭😭😭

uh oh a fire

sam...

oof the explosion. sam was thrown against the ambulance window but doesn't appear to have any visible shrapnel injuries... if only she'd still got checked over😫

so ethan apparently knows now. i guess he just asked rash as soon as they were out of connie's earshot. he's taken alicia to ct and is asking her why she didn't tell him. bestie she tried SO MANY times😭😭 other things kept getting in the way

elle asks rash if he's ever seen a reboa done before and he's like "i've watched one on the internet" and she's like "that'll have to do" sjdskjfd

aww ruby :(

duffy was raped in the very first series right? i'm pretty sure it was early on anyway. she tells ethan "[alicia] doesn't need your advice or your pity, or for you to be some kind of a hero. what she does need is your friendship. can you do that?"

aw rash getting the cpr stool. short king <3

sam's alone in the ambulance station and her radio isn't working.......

oh no she's discovered her injury :(

THIS SCENEEEE ethan finds alicia on the ward and recites his favourite quote "here i stand, atoms with consciousness, matter with curiosity, a universe of atoms, an atom in the universe. do you remember that?" she shakes her head "you added that to my dating profile" i wonder if she would've remembered if she hadn't had the day she'd just had, or the few months she's just had, because she did know it off by heart at the time and it seemed like she's learnt it purely because she knew feynman was ethan's favourite physicist (i posted this a while back)

"i never told you but that's one of my favourite quotes" "you have a favourite quote?" "yeah? doesn't everyone?" "no" ssdfjjdg he's such a nerd (affectionate) "okay well, it was one of the moments that i realised i loved being around you. and i know that with everything that's happened, i haven't been there for you recently, and i'm so sorry. but i am now, okay?" and he goes and holds her hand I LOVE THEMMMM🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

sammmmm :(((((

😢😢😢😢

i don't understand, did they bring sam back just to kill her off??? like what was the point??

#classic casualty #S33E01 #rip sam :'(

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roobylavender · 2 years

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those posts that talk about how dick did x or y to help rehabilitate Jason are so funny to me bc like only bat canon dick would do that. as in the dick who was brought closer to emulating bruce to the point he has no identity anymore. I don’t think he would entertain Jason for a second once he knew what he was doing. He would sympathize with the Jason who died but he would refuse to treat the Jason who came back as a child given his kill count.

Why would you leave that in the tags! Your brain is fascinating! Please tell me more!

mostly it is a consequence of developing a bad rep among a certain batch of dick fans on my old account bc if i were to say that a lot of the toxic behaviors bruce has come to express in the past twenty years or so (aside from the physical abuse obv that should never be attributed to either of them in any situation) were actually more emblematic of dick originally then i would probably be mauled by the equivalent of internet bears. but unfortunately this is my truth

this is something i said on twt the other day but the reason to me that dick falls out with people like bruce or kory or donna is bc he puts them up on a pedestal. his attachment to them is a segue to reverence and admiration that is sort of the equivalent to him standing inside a glass house that can be shattered at literally any moment bc his expectations for the people in his life are honestly a bit ludicrous given the work they do and the environment they operate within. not to say that he's wrong when he gets angry with people like he has reasons to be skeptical of bruce's wish-washy morality at times or of kory's inclination to jump the gun or of donna's inability to prioritize efficiently. but the way he reacts is still volatile and caustic and esp after observing the way he reacted to kory's arranged marriage debacle i think it's absolutely a consequence of people failing to live up to the expectations that he has of them. he's so set in his morality and the way he defines his work bc of how it's literally all he has that it bleeds into every interaction and relationship. if he doesn't have the heroes in his life then he has nothing. if he can't rely on anyone that he expects to rely on then he has nothing. it's why i think he's so entrenched in the idea of teamwork and partnership. reciprocated trust and faith mean something to him and are as good as bonds born in blood and if you test those bonds or the rites behind them then it's like, you're testing your faith in him and everything he believes you're supposed to stand for together. and he takes that very personally

with jason what is interesting to me is that like. obv dick did not know him very well. i know the last laugh or whatever retconned it to where they used to go on vacations together but i personally ignore that bc i think it's a narrative cop out and i'm not particularly bothered by the fact that dick and jason weren't close. dick had no obligation to sub-parent someone who was ultimately bruce's responsibility, esp since dick was long gone from the coop before jason ever entered it. but in spite of that lack of physical connection there was nonetheless a symbolic one bc they were two people wearing the same colors, pursuing the same ideal, operating under the same rites of passage. which i think is what makes dick's reaction to jason's death make so much sense and his reaction to jason's resurrection and subsequent mission make so little sense. ofc dick would feel a deep kinship with the robin who died considering he was once in that position himself. ofc he would be baffled and angered by how bruce subsequently receded into himself and refused to open up to anyone and began making a martyr out of jason rather than trying harder to remember him as the son whom he adored and loved. it's about the principle bc for dick the principle is what defines the love. love is a contract and a promise and a partnership and there are things entailed by that that dick explicitly sees bruce fail to deliver on. so ofc he's angry on jason's behalf for however little he knew him

but that's not to say that the symbolic love dick has for jason remains unchanged when jason comes back. the principle of it remains and is subject to test. the shared sense of identity and ideals remains. but for however much dick would sympathize with the deceased jason for not being honored properly as bruce's son and partner i can't imagine him extending that same sympathy to the jason who goes on a self-righteous killing spree in the name of justice. it's a direct violation of the principle that he likely believed jason upheld when he was once living. it goes against everything dick would have stood for when he was fighting bruce on jason's behalf. obv jason was a child and dick would defend him to bruce bc of that too, but once again, ultimately, dick is someone utterly entrenched in heroism and using it to define his relationships and his life to the point that he cannot withstand the expectations of that heroism being broken. so i don't think dick would look at jason as the red hood and be the one to extend a helping hand. i don't think he would try to say that with his help jason can start over and be rehabilitated and blah blah blah. that is 100% bruce's line of thinking and has been since his character started actually being defined in the 70s. dick would be the guy looking at jason with utter disappointment and regret and bitterness bc he spent years defending jason in every which way only for jason to come back and spit on every symbolic thing that might have connected them to each other in another life. he would be the guy tasking himself with bringing jason down (non-lethally obv, bc he's still even more of a control freak about that than bruce is) while bruce was probably having breakdowns somewhere in the cave bc comparatively his way of coping with things devastating to him is to shut down, while dick's way of coping is to take charge and act

#and like! i know i say often that jason is still barely an adult and mostly a child when he makes his grand debut as the red hood #but that's speaking objectively #dick is highly subjective (an amusing irony). look at the standards that /he/ had for himself at eighteen #he's not going to let age or trauma be used as an excuse for what jason is doing. that's something bruce would do #people ask why bruce falls in love with questionable women or keeps giving certain villains a chance and it's like. he's an idealist #i don't think dick is a cynic in comparison. but he's not as deluded. he'll judge you for making bad choices #bc it's what he's used to doing with himself in order to temper himself as a hero and as a leader #outbox

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jinkicake · 2 years

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Sigh, back at it again😔 okay so hear me out; my fav thing is to like subvert popular fandom tropes bc everyone is wrong and I’m right. Like no Venti isn’t your uwu little blushy bottom boy he’s a god who can and will fuck you in his church on the altar and nobody will stop him🥰 so the chaotic switch Venti has grabbed me by the neck and will it let go and I’m just imagining everyone else, back to my (toxic) ex boyfriend Xiao propaganda I imagine like in your head your like “ lmao this man has not had ass in like 4 centuries imma Rock his world” and like 20 mins in you have to tap out and ask for a water beak and he’s like 🙄 is that all? Like you gotta train like your training for a marathon to fuck Xiao like even when he’s not all rough and animalistic, he’s just attacking all your weak spots at once, truly feel like he could have you suck his dick while he does like paperwork (in a modern Au) and he wouldn’t flinch like he has the best poker face ever so you gotta throw him off his rhythm 👀 itto I actually hc as bad at sex and it’s funny asf bc someone made like a tweet about it that and I’m like??? Your absolutely right!! He cums so quick but bc oni blood he can do it as many times until your satisfied and he tries rly hard to please you so it’s fun to tease him and his dick is huge so by default he’s already better than most, only time I will allow him to destroy someone’s insides is when he’s in heat and can’t think straight, gorou my beloved; he’s a whole war general like he’s killed people and seen his friends die same as kazuha there’s no way this man don’t know about sex.. HES A DOG! Like he in my eyes is a switch leaning bottom bc hehe funny god man have sensitive ears but if you tease him too much he will have to put you in your place, starts talking all sharp and serious likes he giving orders to his recruits and it’s a lil scary, and next to him kazuha , idk what I want from him exactly bc I do like mr steal yo girl I can make you cum without even using more than 2 fingers but also would like to tie him op🤔 he to me feels like a bag of tricks like he’s always a surprise, like he seems like a calm quiet poetry boy but he’s literally so unhinged like in the last summer event w everyone he body slams a delusional man to get him to come to his senses and every one is like😰 and done even get me started in his mirage,,,,, yeah that is not a good boy for even when we meet him in the quest he such a little shit!! “ you fight well” and telling the dude who stole the dead vision that he was gunna break his fingers???? Even paimon was like?? Ayo why we going so fucking fast??😭 he just be saying shit to throw people off!! Like him and Beido always got this “ flirting but not really but we have a secret that we can’t tell you but we gon talk about you infront of you” vibe going on like the way they speak?? Yeah I would not be surprised if you ended up in some back room on the ship at night w both of them bc they always scheming 😒 albedo my beloved melanin challenged man💕 he’s just like his twin so I feel like whole he wants to act all soft and romantic he will get scary if you test him or if he gets stressed enough, def the type to hit sore spots when you argue that’s like okay see I wanted to fuck you bc your hot when mad but imma punch you now🔪 definitely does everything w passion and romancing in mind. Would not be surprised in the slightest if he read books on flirting like noelle did in her hangout thing💀 mf is in that lab watching romcoms!! When I frost got into the game I was like he is never beating the weirdo allegations bc I always see him and trying to do some kind of experiment on someone like??? You can literally ask me like lmao I’m down you don’t gotta be sneaky unless it’s crazy

no, i agree that everything you say is right, nothing can prove that wrong!!!!!

but yes.... people always soften venti and it's like,,,,, come on.... come on!!! are we talking about the same venti? it's all a front he puts on to fool and distract everyone! i know he is crazy!!!! (.... i like crazy and reckless venti, hes the fucking free archon like?!)

AND I NEED YOU TO SPEAK LOUDER ON XIAO BECAUSE EXACTLY, EXACTLY. He's sometimes written as someone who doesn't know shit about pleasing a bitch and it's like LOOK AT HIM... LOOK AT HIM!!! Xiao knows exactly what to do and he can go for DAYS while doing it.... my heart is racing just thinking about it!!! I love toxic ex bf xiao!

itto is a himbo (that is my one cliche trope idc idc) so yes he cums in two seconds but can go for hours on end... I agree i agree!!! speaking of gorou,,, i love a good itto gorou ship,,, there i said it!

also yes kazuha would be insane bc it's always the quiet ones that surpise you the most!! the mention of beidou and kazuha just reminded me of how i literally ship anyone w everyone like itto sara the whole enemies to lovers is fun and theyre hot together- i could ship xiao w a fucking rock if i thought they were fun together omg

albedo.... i could do a thinkpiece on him truly- i just love the quiet psychos!!!! not that he's really a psycho but he could be! like his unleashed power that's supposed to destroy ****** ,,, wow..... just wow! but about his experiments.... i wouldnt hate them HAH YEAH I would read some good yandere albedo performing experiments on the reader..... it sounds fUN

#sarahandoikawatalkshit #xiaos spicy almond tofu

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fierceawakening · 1 year

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Hey, Fierce! I’ve been somewhat following your discourse on “is there such a thing as bad foods” (in the sense that I follow you and your posts about it keep showing up on my dash). First I just want to say that I appreciate how respectful and well-reasoned you are in your arguments, and it’s been interesting seeing everyone’s different takes on the issue and considering where everyone’s coming from. I don’t know if you really want to engage in any more discourse on this topic, so feel free to entirely ignore this ask if you so choose, but if you’re okay with it, I’d like to share my perspective.

It seems like while most people agree that eating a lot of junk food is not the healthiest, we all have a bit different ways of conceptualizing what that means, and different ways of conceptualizing things work well for different people. Personally I would characterize it not so much as “junk food is inherently bad” (from either a moral or a health perspective) and more as “junk food is bad for you when you eat too much of it,” though I definitely see your point about it being specifically designed to encourage overeating. This is a useful understanding for me, but I also have a different relationship with food than you, and I’m glad your conception is useful to you.

I also think it’s interesting to think about how our ideologies and our interpretations of different concepts are often formed in response to our environment. For example, I probably have a less charitable view of “alternative medicine” than a lot of people because I’ve had significant exposure to questionable information from naturopaths and chiropractors and didn’t realize how flimsy or outright contradictory the evidence was for some of the things they presented as fact until a long time later. Especially with the way the internet allows us to so easily pick who we interact with, but even outside of the internet just based on our real-life communities, two different people can end up with very different perceptions of not just how the world works, but also how other people think about the world, and form different values and beliefs in response—and neither are necessarily wrong or unreasonable, but they are responding to different things.

So I guess what I’m saying is this has been a very thought-provoking discourse and I’ve enjoyed thinking about how words and concepts can mean different things to different people and how important the context in which we form our opinions can be and also how that context is often stripped away in conversations because you just can’t and probably wouldn’t want to expound upon every single thing in your life that has led you to form those opinions, and I wish you the best.

Thank you!

I dunno. Maybe I’m just strange but I feel like there are a lot of people in the world who just.. don’t want to let things suck a little? It feels to me like people can be very… how dare you say that we’re not all fine? About things.

And that’s never made sense to me. Like, take the conservative old saw “facts don’t care about your feelings.” It’s mean and it’s often used by people who are also mean to argue that things are facts that very much actually aren’t. But the reason it works as a hook is that it’s actually in one sense true. There’s a lot of shitty crap that’s true and isn’t going to stop being true because we say it’s not. Like… I gained more weight than I planned to in part because I was in an online environment I do think was kinda controlling, and I really did get the sense that if I didn’t enjoy the foods I liked whenever I wanted them, I was letting fatphobia, literal unfounded fear becoming fat, due to propaganda about it, win.

When my doctors started noticing me gaining I had ready defenses: you’re fatphobic, and my blood pressure is only doing that because I have ptsd.

Ultimately I decided, feeling scared as this kept getting worse and maintaining the belief that others were fatphobic and I was fine became more difficult, to test whether MY weight and MY blood pressure are correlated.

FOR ME? They are. I've seen them increase and decrease together enough that I'm satisfied there is a correlation.

So when I hear “fat people can be healthy,” it’s not so much that I think that’s clearly wrong and people are lying, but I get very interested: which fat people? Do we know which people have this blood pressure thing and which don’t? Can we predict it, even roughly? Cos I spent like a year wrecking myself for political cred and it didn’t really get me much, and who knows, there might even be some damage.

But when you start asking what is pseudoscience, some people can take it super personally, and that’s… I don’t know what I do about that really. I mean if I was the kind of person who was more concerned about avoiding conflict than about trying to fact find I would stop talking, but I’m not that kind of person, fortunately or unfortunately for all concerned.

And my thing is toxic positivity lately I think, again, because my own work in therapy lately has been learning that it’s okay to say things aren’t fine. Like I know it’s okay to say, but I have a lot of experience with being judged for being the one who says it, and that’s… that’s hard, because I don’t know how to not mention truth when I think I know it.

And the truth I think I see here is, hey, some of us actually do need to make diet changes for health. Some of us don’t. But letting those of us who don’t talk over those of us who do for politics is (clutches pearls) BAD. It literally got me hurt.

I might have some of the facts wrong, that’s very possible, but I CANNOT possibly be the only one.

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regenderate · 1 year

Note

for the fic asks - any or all of 3, 7, 10, 45?

kissing you on the mouth for sending this anon (sorry. that comes on strong. i am giving you a respectful and firm handshake)

(asks are here by the way)

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

OOH i think about this fairly often! i think you can see a lot of what i'm interested in through my fics. i definitely tend to go for fluff, i love disabling my characters, i like quietly complicated emotions, i like touch... oh you know what? my characters are in doctors' offices/med bays all the time. it's actually really annoying i always want them to have medical tests or whatever and then i have to write ANOTHER med bay scene 🙄 oh also at this point mitski i will should probably be considered a trope.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

OOH well first of all turning the bad wolf thing into a disability at all i think is like. really fun in that regard, like... i enjoy taking a common bit of fanon and going "okay but surely this wouldn't just be fun time powers right." and like i've said before it's really good because it gives space for both projection and wish fulfillment

i also like. haven't gotten to put a lot of penny's backstory into tattoo au (when i run away (you're who i run to) is the official title i just only ever call it tattoo au) yet because it's not like she would volunteer the information, and it's not like donna would say anything either but adapting the doctor's backstory for a human is something i really enjoyed. it's a really intense backstory but like so is the doctor's! basically she was adopted by a medical researcher who found out that she had a gene mutation that gave her increased immunity to various diseases (i'm like 80% sure this is a real thing but please don't fact check me thank you <3) and used that as a reason to like. exploit her to research the gene mutation etc-- all that is an adaptation of the timeless child. her chronic illness is because over the course of this experimentation she contracted a virus she wasn't immune to and it was just her luck that it happened to give her chronic fatigue-- this is an attempt at adapting the way regeneration goes wrong for the doctor, i realized i headcanon them as having trouble with regeneration because of all that trauma/experimentation.

also she's trans which is mostly separate from all that except her past experiences have informed her physical transition and it's meaningful to her to be able to make changes to her body that are completely under her control and explicitly positive (but she will not inject hrt, she has to do pills and/or gel, and she is an absolute terror every time she has to do a blood test). and getting tattooed is similar for her, it's like... a positive change that's under her control. she got to donna by running away from her adoptive mum when she was like sixteen and winding up in london trying to do a-levels at donna's school, and donna befriended her. she didn't have the name penny yet and she was sixteen and a bit of a dork so she went by "the doctor," penny comes from going over to donna's and having donna's mum go "it's the bad penny again!" because she's like. always there (because she kind of doesn't have anywhere else) and wilf turns it into an inside joke and starts calling her penny affectionately and then she's like. yeah okay sure. that'll be my name. ALSO donna is the one who introduced her to judaism, she wasn't raised with much religion but as she became part of donna's family etc she started to enjoy/appreciate judaism more and more and eventually converted. which is meaningful to her both because the religion itself resonates but also because it connects her to the people she actually considers family. (her last name is also noble, legally.) the funny thing about this au was realizing that literally all my characters except donna had run away from their families in some capacity as a teenager but like what do you expect from doctor who

also she has finley L word hair. as is the natural way of things. (but s1-2 hair when finley's still blond)

SORRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT I'VE BEEN RESISTING DUMPING ALL OF THIS ON THE PUBLIC FOR MONTHS NOW IS THE THING.

10. How do you decide what to write?

OUGH I ROTATE THINGS IN MY MIND AND THEN THEY'RE ON THE PAGE. sometimes there's a prompt challenge or exchange or something but mostly i have really unhinged conversations with my friends and by the end of it i have a new wip. or i just start thinking a little too hard about a character or dynamic or whatever. but pretty much anything i write is just like. something i'm feeling things about in the moment.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

ooh i'm so much more detailed now! a lot of my fics used to read as like. almost as scripts? like mostly dialogue, not a lot of description. which makes sense, i come from the theater, but like. it's not the vibe i want! i've gotten better at pushing myself to imagine the little nuances of a scene, like the body language/expressions and stuff, and i've gotten better at describing emotional experiences too. i feel like in general i've just matured a lot as a person too and with that has come added depth and perspective to my fics. like i started posting to ao3 when i was fourteen and now i'm 23. and i think it's really interesting to look at my old fics and see how i've grown since i wrote them!

#lifeblogs #ask game #:)

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ravenousnightwind · 1 year

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Funnily enough, I probably never would have gotten treatment for my depression and anxiety, never would have been diagnosed with autism or adhd and ptsd if I hadn't of followed my spiritual path according to where I felt it was leading me.

It was only through my devotion to the gods, and my initial contact with Odin, and..maybe..using a Fly Alaric salve, that ultimately made me decide to get checked out by my PCP. Why? Because it allowed me to deal with internal issues. Through my experience with the spirit of Fly Alaric, and through my relationship with Odin, I was able to dive deeper than before into who I am.

It was more than just a spiritual experience you see. It changed me ultimately in a way where I realized how I wasn't a bad person just because I have problems. That I'm not a bad person for having been forcibly drugged as a child and locked up for being crazy for being different and believing something nonmonothestic. I went through some fucked up shit, and not just verbal abuse but physical too. When the authority fighures like teachers and deans grabbed me for no fucking reason.

Anyway, my point is, my spiritual path led me to clarity of who I am and who I wanted to become. I'm not saying I endorse the use of potentially harmful herbs? But I am saying that I did, because I was afraid of doctors, I was afraid of what would happen if I got seen..so I went down natural path to help myself because I trusted myself to do the research. Which is what you should do, except see a medical professional and not just believe everything you read. Also be fucking responsible with dosage if you do it yourself because when you mess with what they refer to as baneful herbs, or whatever, you might fuck yourself up. Include your doctor in those kinds of decisions! I took risks because I was afraid, and I couldn't do what people might think I should have done because it went against what I thought was safe.

Through that process I realized...unfortunately, that there was nothing within nature, as far as I could tell or realise, even now, that would help me get to where I felt I needed to. So for the sake of myself, I got seen by my pcp, and when they offered me drugs, I took them because I wasn't sure if it really was depression and everything else. My doctor went through brain scans, blood tests, and we had a variety of conversations about what drugs would be good for me. I made the choice to trust them because I was fucking scared I was dying!!!!! I couldn't get off the couch to pee, I couldn't do anything without really sitting and thinking about it for hours. Sometimes I'd sit for hours staring at the wall or a blank screen. I couldn't even do things I liked!!!! That's how bad it was and even now it's still hard, it's just a whole lot easier to do the simple things where I'm not struggling as hard.

My point in saying this is that mental health is real. Depression is a fucking debilitating disease, not some bullshit nothing you can simply wave away at the beckoning of your boss or your parents. It's a real physical problem in the brain. While I believe all the things i mentioned can help with mental health and depression, my biggest statement to anybody suffering from it is to seek advice from their doctor and try different things based on what they think might help. If your doctor doesn't listen to you when you tell them what's wrong, find another one cuz they're crap. A good doctor will listen to what you have to say, even do tests that they don't think will be fruitful, all for the sake of your health. If they don't do those things for you then they aren't for you.

Cuz in closing, depression can and does make people unable to function as people. I was literally sitting there for fucking hours and I couldn't move my fucking body. So fuck off if you think it's nothing or easily dealt with. That's why if you have it, seek medical attention, especially if you have other problems accompanying it, because as you age it gets worse and can progress to an extreme degree if you don't do something about it!

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snekdood · 3 months

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ok, well, i've given everyone on here with any issues with me a chance to share their issues for years now at this point, and so far i've seen maybe 2 or 3 people and they usually block me before i can even send a response bc they're utter cowards. i am often left like this

waiting for the "Valid Criticisms" to pour in, and theres never any, ever. they hide and cower and talk shit behind my back bc they know if they ever said any of their Very Real Concerns to my face that i'd actually counter them with the reality of my thoughts/feelings/actions/etc. and they dont want that. better to spread rumors than to confront the person you're spreading rumors about and get embarrassed bc you were wrong and built up all this energy around hating me for literally no fucking reason.

so now, the time is up, i've given you your chance. ive given you the chance to tell me why i need to change and how i need to change etc. but none of you actually like coming up with solutions to problems, you just like labeling things bad or good and then call it a day at the factory. as if thats your only obligation to humanity. lmao.

so im no longer taking requests, im no longer taking criticisms from random people on here seriously, because its all just highschool bullshit of spreading rumors for shits and giggles and not actually bc any of you have any real convictions nor do any of you actually give a deep fuck about any of "your" politics at all.

so if after this point, you try and say some shit to me? i'm going to ignore you. you had your chance. you never took advantage of it. not even to tell me how lame i am or whatever either- thats how much of cowardly ass bitches all of you are. i hope you take your political purism and shove it up your ass.

im no longer playing this game where i pretend i dont know anything and need to be taught by yall bc thats the role you want to fulfill so so badly in spite of being shit-horrible at it. im no longer letting other people tell me im this or that when i know who tf i am and wtf im about. im no longer humoring you and letting you think you're the smartest person in the room bc i feign being a dumbass to test if you can even actually teach anyone or not, and clearly as we've learned, you can't. you just guilt trip people to believing what you do and threaten them when they dont- yeah i dont think you'd be a teacher that sticks around very long if this were a school. you dont know shit, all of your politics are based on what you think is intuitively correct and not based on fact, its all based on vibes, and im tired of humoring larping-ass, wannabe, shut in, leftists. i dont need you to teach me anything, i've been knew for a long as time and istg every time someone thinks they're actually teaching me some shit its shit i've learned years ago and understand better than them anyways.

so with all that said, go fuck yourselves, grow a pair, and stop being a blood thirsty tankie larping pos, for humanities sake. you're not the main character, you're not the superhero of reality. otherwise you woulda said something to me if you actually had an issue. hope you get well soon bitches xoxoxo <3

#mood #about #watch- when i get some more attention in my art- watch allll those Valid Criticisms start pouring in as they try to sabotage me online #bc its not about actually changing people for yall (even though theres barely anything i need to work on anyways- but lets pretend #im the person you want to believe i am) its not about making people better. its not even about prison abolition bc its clear #yall LOVE punitive justice to hell and back. you're waiting for the chance to see me Step Out Of Line by posting my art online and get #attention to come and send your puritism-army after me. you dont care about me actually Being Better- you care about trying #to humiliate me and sabotage me. you dont give a fuck about anything at all. you want to be the bully who bullied you growing up.#you want to feel the power of controlling other peoples opinions of me. thats literally fucking it. stop pretending you give a fuck and #flick yourself into the woods and get lung cancer like your cigarette butts you useless apathetic bitch.#im tired of humoring you and pretending with you that you're the moral authority bc its clear you fucking arent since you all act like #fucking children.

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bantinglikewilliam · 9 months

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Update!

My weight is 199 (finally).

I'm not sure what exactly messed me up, whether it was a drug interaction or occasional drinking (I stopped following the Banting diet and only drank a few drinks since my last post) but something threw my hormones out of whack. I since detoxed from basically all medication except when absolutely necessary, stopped all alcohol, and had to supplement like crazy with potassium and magnesium. I didn't check every day but I had a test for ketones in my urine and none were found after IF and low carb when they should have been there, and I stayed at 202/203 for way too long, I think because I was holding water and possibly not going into ketosis. Finally today, the day I was scheduled to weigh myself, I lost a few pounds, and that was after eating throughout the day and having sushi and a sweet bun yesterday. If my body hadn't been out of whack, I theoretically should have lost significantly more weight a lot sooner based on what and when I was eating. It has been an extremely frustrating experience and a really long and stressful week or two full of mostly good things, but also a lot of big changes and decisions.

After what happened to me, I have no appetite for drinking right now. Alcohol can concentrate drugs in your system because it can inhibit cytochromes, and that's no joke if, like me, you tend to be sensitive to medication (hypothetically, already have slow cytochromes). Basically, imagine drugs are forms that need processing and my cytochromes are overburdened bureaucrats, already slow. Now imagine giving those bureaucrats a lot of wine, they get even slower, and the forms build up and don't have anywhere to go. I don't know if that's a good metaphor, but the freaky side effects I experienced that can't be explained by drinking on top of medication because the medication should have been out of my system give me pause when a friend casually asks if I want a glass of wine with my meal. And anything that stops me from losing weight, that is a huge red flag that screams "Doing This Is Bad For My Body!"

I tried a serotonin antagonist and it turns out one of the antihistamines I was taking for insomnia was also a serotonin antagonist (which also has an extremely long half life), and taking them together was bad which I didn't realize for awhile, but taking them hours apart from drinking or other medications was also bad, for me at least. I think I'm very sensitive to changes in serotonin in regards to my adrenal system, and if I'm right it meant too much of certain hormones were released (angiotensin, which leads to increased aldosterone) that raised my blood pressure, lowered my ability to make insulin, and told my body to get rid of potassium. I never would have dreamed taking lower than prescribed doses seemingly far apart could lead to a bunch of weird stuff happening in my body, but it seems to finally be over now and I am so grateful. It makes me concerned about what the insomnia medication has been doing to me since I have been taking it to help with sleep and panic attacks as needed for years. It's made me concerned what all medications I've taken have been doing to me. Not, like, in a nefarious way, just, literally what has it been doing, and how concerned should I be? For example, my rate of panic attacks went way up over the past two weeks. In the past certain anxiety medications has made me more anxious, could other medications be doing that too?

As someone who has experienced rare yet severe side effects in the past that disrupted my quality of life, it is very frustrating when doctors just shrug and say that's just something that happens when you take a drug or discount when you say you think something is wrong because a drug is safe, or people usually don't have the side effect you're having, so it can't be that drug's fault. As a layperson who knows their body and can tell something is wrong but who also doesn't have tests to prove it, especially when it something like migraines or panic attacks or inability to lose weight that can't be tested for objectively, the medical system can make you feel even worse and like you don't know what you're talking about. And also it seems like if you're not like, dying, you're fine. Oh, your blood pressure is thirty points higher than it normally is? Meh. You fasting blood sugar went from the 80's like it has been for years into the prediabetic range although you're eating keto and fasting? Why are you worried? Are you sure you're really trying to lose weight, people don't have a problem with this medication. Sheesh! It can really be invalidating.

And yet low and behold, when I stop the medication, and my side effects go away, then yeah, now they believe me. Usually. Otherwise I guess they assume I'm just a neurotic schlub eating sugar and carbs all day and just expect me to have deteriorating or suboptimal health like high blood pressure and high blood sugar like the rest of the StandardAmericanDiet-sacks. Again, sheesh! The medical profession needs to wake up and start caring about side effects and WHY they happen, and what they mean systemically, because drugs that do things like making you sleepy or hungry don't happen in a vacuum or by magic. They happen because of hormones and neurotransmitters and catecholamines and choline, and it's a very complicated and intertwined system, but that doesn't excuse ignorance of mechanisms when the information is out there or lack of symptom management to maintain homeostasis. And doctors need to stop being ok with people being a little metabolically sick and just being happy they're not really really sick.

And, on a related tangent, people need to stop saying there are no predictors for prediabetes. There are, and they're not even that complex or expensive or controversial, from what I understand, I can't say from experience because I've asked about them but no one has actually ever done these tests for me.

Measuring visceral fat by ultrasound, uric acid levels with a blood test (I think they may made monitors for this similar to blood glucose monitors), and oral glucose tolerance tests for checking for insulin resistance, all of which should be routine as part of physicals. Fasting insulin tells you nothing about the actual function of your pancreas after you eat a cookie, just if it's really really dysfunctional without any food coming in, which is very bad news for your metabolic health. Oral glucose tolerance tests show in real time if your pancreas is overreacting and releasing insulin after you eat sugar, not if it's overreacting by releasing too much insulin all of the time. This is a distinct difference and really valuable information, but it's slightly more complicated and time consuming, so they just don't do it. Give me a break! I wish I could start a nonprofit and focus on just those three screening tests, I bet it could really help people catch things before they get really sick (idea copyright BantingLikeWilliam 2023 lol).

And don't get me started on the overwhelming attitude of doom and gloom if you would have visceral fat, elevated uric acid, or insulin resistance. You're doomed? No. You can reverse nonalcoholic fatty liver in DAYS just by giving up sugar, alcohol, and doing intermittent fasting (may take a few extra days if you don't fast). Notice I didn't say you have to give up carbs. Sugar (fructose) and alcohol stress your liver out in nearly identical ways because if how they are processed. This is not pseudoscience, yet NAFLD is considered by many medical professionals to be a progressive disease, not one you can reverse. And the earlier you catch it, the easier it is to reverse. Same with fatty tongue with sleep apnea. Liver and tongue fat are two of the first to be liquidated when you stop overwhelming your body with sugar (and alcohol, but most people just need to cut out sugar). It takes longer to shrink visceral fat and reverse insulin resistance and get your hormones to normalize, but it has been done over and over so many times in the same way that it feels like willful blindness and pessimism when the Mayo Clinic still talks about PCOS and fatty liver and diabetes like they're life sentences. You don't have to live with any of them, and the way you avoid them or turn them around is by changing what you eat. I try to help my friends who have these health problems and they tell me they don't like eating too much meat or that the keto diet requires processed foods and keep going to this specialist or that specialist and as long as the medical establishment keeps saying we are destined to get fat and decline in health as we age, I'm going to keep sounding like a nutcase telling people to eat more meat and that it's ok to give your organs a break from eating to be healthy. Virta Health, Low Carb Down Under, and all the other reputable low carb researchers, I hope you can help make this type of thinking more widely accepted before my friends have trouble conceiving, have trouble with their eyesight due to metabolic issues, or have to have limbs amputated, all which has happened to people I know.

People like to look to prescription drugs as miracle drugs or quick fixes, but they're often not, and what is a miracle and quick fix is keto. Not for all issues, of course, but for overall health and to balance hormones. Write me off as a nut if you want, but like my bae Mulder would say, the truth is out there. Except it's not classified, just google it and check your sources. I'm not making any claims that haven't been backed up by studies and actual doctors who see the conditions reversed in their practices.

I wish that more attention would be paid to side effects of drugs, but if doctors etc keep expecting people to have bad side effects or be ok with them being sort of metabolically sick, how can that ever happen? Who will advocate for people having horrible side effects from drugs that well meaning doctors prescribe? I genuinely don't know. Hopefully someday soon the mechanisms by which drugs work will be better elucidated and unified and psychiatry/other specialities and general medicine will work together in a holistic way that considers the patient's whole body. Until then, it doesn't hurt to know your body at baseline and keep track of side effects when trying a new medication, whether it is prescribed, over the counter, or even a supplement. Even food. Chips make you swell up? That's good to know, you may need more potassium if you're gonna eat chips. A drug makes you hungry? That's a metabolic red flag. At the end of the day, when you know what is normal for your body, you can better advocate for yourself and if you do need to take a drug, you have a better chance of finding one that will work with your body.

Rant over. This experiment is on hold. I'm aiming for keto.

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keuraecray · 9 months

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Everything is too much today.

My cat hasn’t been eating which means she doesn’t hydrate well being she won’t drink from a bowl. She’s lethargic and nauseous. Vet ran blood work and other tests and $300 later, said she’s perfectly fine. She still looks just as awful. I feel like she is suffering and in pain but everyone tells me to wait it out and she’ll be fine. A fat cat who’s only pleasure is gorging on literally anything that will barely eat anything is clearly not okay. I feel deep remorse thinking about how little I could do for my last cat who I may have prematurely put down. I’m miserable every day over it. And now I can’t afford to do anything but the bare minimum. I know something is deeply wrong and that she has some type of heart issues but I can’t afford anything and it makes me miserable.

I’ve been sick for years with no known cause and my sister I live with has had her own pile of issues that aren’t as straightforward and mess with her mental state. To my family its a strange mystery. To me it’s an insufferable thought always on my mind. I feel like I know the exact root cause.

I firmly believe we have a hidden mold issue causing all our health problems but everyone tells us off saying it’s not possible. My health issues started years ago and we’ve moved multiple times. But people never consider that they could be living in it themselves.

All of my health issues started when I was living in my aunts basement while I was figuring out housing (which is frequently flooded when there’s heavy rain). I was waking up at night gaping for air and went to my original family doctor who said I had anxiety and slapped some meds on me. That was my first apnea. I don’t have them severe enough to be diagnosed with sleep apnea but it is unmistakable.

I’ve always had some level of gut issues but I had always associated it with stress and nerves being things were oh so peachy as a kid. As you get older and the gut issues worsen with or without that original cause, you realize something else is up.

Fast forward to nearing the end of the pandemic. I started having severe brain fog. After countless specialist visits and meeting multiple deductibles, since getting in to specialists takes forever, I was left with no answers. We all chalked it up to long covid since I had at least one confirmed case.

The brain fog had gotten so bad while I was at work I literally felt like I had dementia. Couldn’t remember conversations I’d had with coworkers. They were starting to talk to me about it being an issue with my quality of work but they already had unreasonable expectations to begin with so I just found ways to get around it. I was miserable there and they knew it so I lost my job last month.

My coworker was studying Eastern Medicine and invited me to a student clinic where I had acupuncture at an affordable rate. I felt like I was getting better but as soon as we stopped it would all creep back up. My acupuncturist had asked me if I’d been exposed to mold. She lived through it and thought she saw the symptoms in me. I brushed it off like my family did, in part because I didn’t think it was possible and in part it was just purely denial.

I’ve looked into how to remediate on your own but can’t even afford the basic protective equipment necessary to avoid landing myself in a hospital for it. Don’t have health insurance and have been too depressed to try and apply for low/no cost insurance.

Then there’s the wildfires wrecking havoc on my lungs. There’s a gap the size of my pinky nail in my window of my bedroom so smoke gets in to the house on the bad air quality days. I stuffed a cloth and plastic bags in it with no relief. Ran our air exchange to try to filter what I could out. Filters were black with ash. I found scraps of plastic for sealing the windows in the winter months and have since taped off the window in the hopes that it will help but still feel awful on the bad days.

We have insurance that supposedly covers mold (whether its to replace belongings or to remediate I have no clue) but I’m paralyzed to do anything because we have no money or income even if insurance will help. I feel sicker and sicker each day. The only sleep I seem to get is when I pass out from exhaustion. Even before the health issues started causing me insomnia my cat wouldn’t let me sleep because she would get hangry between 4-8 am. We wound up saving an injured kitten since we didn’t want them euthanized being all the shelters are full. While my big fat cat has been sick he’s taken over in waking me on the few days I actually sleep decently.

Mold is naturally occurring and is present in every home at lower levels but I firmly believe everyone in my family has been living in stuff that’s beyond the point of “healthy”. Friends have their own families and no space so I really feel like I have nowhere else safe to live. I just can’t keep it together. I thought things were going so well when I started my last job despite the foggy brain but it seems like everything is going to hell rapidly in the last couple of months.

#and I post this here knowing no one can help #and few will read #but I don't have anything to fall out on and feel hopeless

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