#long term trauma

[furiousgoldfish]

being around abusers:

high alert: you never know when the abuse is coming

hyper-focusing on the abuser's mood, you're only allowed to feel relief if the abuser seems to be in a good mood, distracted, or focused on somebody else

constant vigilance because they might decide to focus on you any second and you need to be ready

unable to focus on your tasks because you're tense and waiting to see if they'll want something from you, want to do something to you, or start to verbally abuse, provoke, insult, taunt, criticize or humiliate you

always aware of the physical distance between you and how much it would take them to cross it; reaction of panic if they turn your direction or show intent of approaching

quickly forced to think of an escape plan or a fight plan if they do keep approaching you because it is already an intimidation and likely to escalate in violence

anxiety if you're prompted to speak; you are not allowed to say anything positive about yourself or it will be challenged and mocked, you are usually asked to volounteer information and you will be attacked if you refuse. But if you do give info, it will be used against you.

constant effort needs to be put in controlling the amount of rage, or alternatively, helplessness you feel in their presence. You are not allowed to show any symptoms of it, or symptoms of panic

desperate use of logic and rationality in the face of senseless and cruelty of the abuse; you're trying to explain why the abuser should not say and do horrid and cruel things to you, and why you don't deserve it, only for them to do it worse and insist that they're 'saying the truth' or 'listing the imaginary reasons you do deserve it (you are not a person to them)'

attempts to defend yourself from the abuse or exploding and attacking back, only to immediately be accused of abuse and cruelty and 'lack of self control' while the abuser is not even affected by your attempts

the abuser getting anyone in the vicinity to side with them and to participate/enable the abuse, making you feel like your entire environment is hostile and dangerous, and like you are not a person to anyone

All of these can feel normal when you're used to living like that, or if you've grown up in this environment. Having to constantly defend and prove yourself and to have be hyper-focused on those around you and anxiously anticipate their every move, can feel like a normal experience if you haven't experienced any other home environment. This is not normal. If this is how you live, you are living in abuse. None of this should be inflicted at you.

#experiencing abuse #i thought all of this was just normal family environment #psychological abuse #development of cptsd #traumatic environment #child abuse #emotional abuse #fight flight fawn freeze response #long term abuse #long term trauma #abusive parents #abusive partners #living in fear #living in stasis of expecting abuse

[rustedhills]

Disney, releasing Wish: "so it's all about legacy--the new generation surpassing the old, overcoming the evils perpetuated by them, relinquishing singular power... and there's an old man in a tower, uh... animal sidekick, i guess..., ah... magic...?

Miyazaki, just out of frame, sledgehammer raised:

#the boy and the heron #not tagging wish 'cause i'm being a little acidic #this isn't to be negative in the slightest--I really respect both films--but it's interesting to see how visceral boy+H gets with its story #what evils have to be rejected and what they represent--and how characters and the world suffer from those evils--as well as how the whole #'rejecting' part goes. in terms of animation powerhouses discussing their legacies - disney and miyazaki both - I find it interesting that #one makes a pretty safe and nostalgic movie about imagination and dreams; the other is a long trudge through the land of the dead. #b+h is a hard watch - and a look at the legacy of a man questioning his whole purpose in the world - after his cultural touchstones #have long passed by. Mahito needs to understand his grief to keep living--but if he drowns in it he'll just continue the cannibalistic and #violent world of his granduncle. how the hell do you make art when the trauma of your entire life has colored it forever? How can anyone? #maybe after a while... it's time to detonate that damn tower and keep living. #this is to say #if you have enough money to make whatever you want #Make It Fucking Count

[thedomesticanthropologist]

I present to you: at no point in the game is Astarion actually ready for a romantic relationship

Tav is the first person he drank from

The first person he has consensual sex with after 200 years

And he says to them: no one is like you. You're YOU

He genuinely believes that Tav is the *only* person who would be this way, even if it isn't true. He does fall in love with you, he does want you, but I present to you the idea that if things hadn't gone down EXACTLY as they had, Astarion NEVER would have initiated a partnership/romantic relationship for YEARS after escaping Cazador for good.

The man is coded for survival, for self-preservation, and is inherently selfish by nature. It is only because Tav gives selflessly and determinedly reinforces wanting to be with him that he caves in and allows it, but if you try to leave he's thrilled. This is for the best he says, you don't deserve this facade from me he says.

"I don't know how to be with someone even if I want to. I want this to be real but I don't know what real is. I need to not have sex right now"

In act 2, if you break up with him, he agrees with you. He thinks it's the right thing for you because hes not ready. He won't say this unless you initiate a break up but how could he possibly let go of the best thing that's happened to him in his entire undead life? He wouldn't toss out the treasure of you even if he didn't feel ready.

It really does take a patient, calm, supportive Tav to get him in the end, and he DOES want you, I'm not arguing that

I'm arguing that that man is not ready for a committed relationship, doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like, and in an ideal situation if he thought he had time and options in his life and if he felt safe he would have focused 100% on himself first for a VERY long time.

The tadpoles, the adventure, the pressures of the battles, the fighting the revenge the ascension and the ritual he has to fight or succumb to the fact that the sunlight is gonna nerf him again- all of this contributes to the perfect scene where Tav gets him right "out the gate", first by being a mark and a target and then by simply *not breaking it off with him*

And yes he's in love to the best of his ability to know what love is at this point

And yes he wants you very much

But the man is going through the biggest whiplash of his life and I can say with confidence that he's not... *Ready*. And after all is said and done, Tav will have to continue to be patient with many things with him. There are still a lot of hurdles. He may be with them for a long time before he wakes up one day and realizes, really really realizes, that he's ready.

The power dynamics are off, they're imbalanced. How could he say no to a perfect mark that gives him everything ? Blood, sex, waits when sex is off the table, never breaks up with him never leaves no matter how he rails against them? He can't. He won't, and he doesn't want to, but that doesnt make him emotionally ready for what a genuine relationship is.

He has to learn it, with you, over time, but I don't think he'd jump into learning that and going for it and seeing it as worth it if the situation were in any way different

Without the perfect storm of events, I don't see Astarion jumping into "commited relationship" to be clear, I'm not saying that he isn't capable of feelings or doesn't want tav it's just

It doesn't *seem* to match his character or his struggles to me. For a man that is completely self serving, he accidentally catches feels and then doesn't have the strength to cut you loose even though his act 2 confession is practically him asking you to leave him. If you take the Araj route in particular, he VERY plainly lays his shitty behaviour on the table as if daring you to punish him for it... Or maybe just expecting.

In his spontaneous scene it's softer, it's I love you but I don't know how to do this. And still if you say "I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship" he immediately agrees. In act 3, if you've stuck to him the whole time like glue, he never wants to let you go. Again, I think this level of connection is impossibly rare and everything had to happen as it did to get you there, but the power balance is off still. He says partner, equal, and he wants that. And he WILL get there

But he not only has to struggle with his past, his issues, his trauma, he has to struggle with the power imabalance that you're his Savior. YOU defeated Cazador. YOU protected him in camp and didn't stake him on sight. YOU fed him from thinking creatures for the first time. YOU are one of "a very few select people" who have had sex with him and not been slaughtered immediately afterwards.

You're everything to him

And by the end of the game you already see him trying to shift that power imabalance because HE SEES IT. If you say you'll protect him he WINCES and disagrees, he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be below you, but he sees himself that way anyway. And to me, that's the sign that he wasn't ready, he still isn't ready,

But he will be, one day. And I think that makes it a better written romance than thousands I've read, because it's not perfect. There's grey areas. There's things that can make you uncomfortable. There's parts of it that aren't healthy and won't be for a while. Who knows how long until he feels like he's your equal? Until he feels like this relationship is something he ever would have chosen if things were different?

But he does choose you. He does. He wants you. He'd just never have gotten the chance to if it hadn't been "right place right time" imho

#its giving star crossed lovers #its giving grey area #its giving long term trauma #its giving good fucking writing #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #bg3 #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion romance

[lotuslate]

a little comic about post canon wangxian and coming to terms with some things!

#wangxian #mdzs #mdzs fanart #wei wuxian #lan wangji #yiling laozu #hanguang jun #mo dao su zhi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jessbye #egg #yayyy its finally done :D #YALL i didnt realize drawing in black and white can be so hard!! >< #but anyway it was fun nonetheless #a scenario like this has been in my head for so long now #i did smth .. similar recently where i came to terms w smth and simply admitted it outloud #and i kinda realized how much difference it can make #anyway wangxian deserve to feel at peace and trusted and safe to finally talk abt their trauma #ON THEIR OWN TERMS!! with no outside interference!!

[princessamericachavez]

like yes yes eddie needs to choose and buck needs to be chosen but also 

Eddie needs to get over the very big trauma of losing his wife. Last time he dated someone he had literal panic attacks at the thought of her being mistaken for Chris’s mother and as much as we saw him work through in therapy we never?? really?? talked?? about?? that?? So, yeah, Eddie needs to realize that he’s at a point where he’s ready to risk his heart and give love a second chance 

(and maybe realize he already did becase there already is a partner in his life who gets consistently confused for Chris’s guardian and it feels natural to him?? but he still needs to realize he’s ready for love)

And Buck needs to be ready to be in a relationship where he’s loved for who he is, where he doesn’t bend and twist to fit someone else’s expectations. And for that Buck needed to die, and needed to come back, and now he needs to process that trauma and steady himself. 

(and Buck loves so quickly, so openly, so loudly, and he gives so much of himself and he wants to be loved that way, and maybe he’ll realize that he already?? is?? loved?? but he needs to let himself accept it)

so basically, it’s not only a matter of choice... eddie needs to be ready to love and buck needs to accept that he is loved if they are ever going to find each other properly together

and that, my funny little friends, is the point of their arcs were we are at right now

#buddie #911 fox #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #i'm not going to lose hope over this because i remember a million shows where this had been the path #how many relationships this castle and becket have before they finally were at the point where they could be together?? #hey remember when chenford were in two fairly stable long term relationships because they needed to open up to love again #AND they needed to be in the /wrong/ relationships to finally realize WHAT they wanted??? #eddie deciding he's ready to date/love again is a NECESSARY step for buddie and what they needed right ow #just like buck processing his trauma and maybe having a potential relationship in which he gets to say 'no this isn't right for me i deserve #more' is what he needs to realize he HAS that love #anyway the couch isn't a theory it's a laimotif and its a proper literal metaphor in the show #and we know where that's been popping up lately #so like unless they suck at their job i can't see this being the end #CHILL #911 spoilers #ish

[pianokantzart]

Thing I wish was explored more in fic/fanart: Luigi feeling guilt over revealing Mario's name, even if under duress. Once the crisis is over and Luigi has time to think, he realizes how that slip-up could have gotten Mario killed. Him feeling like, had they swapped places, Mario never would have revealed Luigi's name.

This feeds into my headcanon that after he was rescued, Luigi didn't ever talk about his time in The Dark Lands, and certainly didn't talk about the interrogation. Not only is there a lot of fear connected to those memories, but a lot of guilt and shame, not just because of what his brother went through to save him, but the fact that he didn't put up a fight against The Shy Guys and... most of all... the fact that he gave in and cracked during Bowser's interrogation. Like you said, he feels like if they'd swapped places Mario wouldn't have been so "weak."

It is definitely something I'd like to see explored further.

#the issue is I don't quite know how to approach it in a one-shot format #I don't want to take on any more long-term projects #and I feel like there's a lot of emotions that need to be untangled before Luigi would actually talk openly about what he went through #super mario brothers #mario headcanons #Super mario bros #Luigi #askbox #anon #Mario Movie #ain't no way the trauma is going to be explored in canon but I can dream

[common-nobody]

you were a child, it wasn't your fault. you were a child, it wasn't your fault. you were a child, it wasn't your fault. you were a child, it wasn't your fault.

you were a child. it wasn't your fault.

#comfort #emotional abuse #emotional neglect #childhood trauma #long-term abuse

[elminster-big-naturals]

this may be controversial but maybe the "astarion and halsin are SO sexually traumatised that you should literally cut your own dick off before thinking abt them romantically you disgusting freaks" goon squad should consider the ramifications of essentially insisting assault survivors be permanently excluded from any kind of sex and romance bc they are too broken and stupid to be trusted to know their own desires and boundaries or have the capacity to want to explore/push them.

you know real survivors (not pixel men but real ppl like me!) can read that shit? do you think pushing the lie that encountering one (1) Genital Wielded With Intent will invariably cause us to crumble to a miserably weepy heap of dust and blow away in the breeze is appreciated or helpful? or implying the people that love or desire us are selfish at best and outright predators at worst?

i'm begging ppl to just be 2% normal about abuse survivors PLEASE. the characters aren't real but the attitude you drag from fandom back into the real world are.

#im a long term csa survivor and a 2x rape survivor. i'm now 30yo and live completely free of my trauma in a loving committed relationship #wanna know how i did it? mostly by exploring sex and intimacy on my own terms (including casual sex + kink as well as writing) #you know why i dont talk abt it even though it doesn't bother me? bc i hate the sudden change in how people treat me #like im a cross between a fabergé egg and a hand grenade. get fucked bro for REAL #obviously everyone processes this shit differently but god i am so tired of 'well meaning' disk horsers saying some googoo gaga nonsense #anyway im not tagging this but its fine to rb/interact with. #and YES other survivor spreading this crap this is a direct @ for you too! i'm spraying you with a water gun like a misbehaving cat

[luinhealthcare]

Does Hyrule mind teaching how to assess a patient??👉👈

"You... want to learn how to assess patients?" Hyrule asked hesitantly.

Wild shrugged. "What if I want to be an EMT?"

"You also said you wanted to be a chef in the hospital."

"I can do both, you know."

Hyrule laughed. "I suppose so. Well... we'll need a patient for this to work."

Wild immediately snatched Sky, who yelped as his friend snaked a hand around his wrist. "Sky's the patient, heaven knows he needs to be looked over anyway."

"Look who's talking, Mr. I-Have-Seizures-and-Don't-Tell-Anybody," Sky grumbled as he was manhandled to sit between the other two.

"Well, everyone knows now."

Hyrule and Sky gave Wild a scalding look. Adequately apologetic, Wild shrugged sheepishly.

"Anyway," Hyrule sighed, shifting his focus to Sky. "Assessments come in different forms. You've got a primary and a secondary assessment. Primary is kind of a general overview and checking for life threatening stuff, secondary is in-depth on what the issue actually is. Make sense?"

Wild nodded.

"Great!" Hyrule continued with a smile. "Okay. Sky's our patient. Sky, you got shot once, right?"

Sky nodded, and Wild balked. "He what?!"

"It was a long time ago," Sky waved a dismissive hand.

"Okay, so that's our scenario," Hyrule said, standing. "We're dispatched for a 21-year-old male with a GSW--"

"That means gunshot wound, right?"

"Yeah. GSW, conscious patient. That's all we've got. So, you get on scene, and the very first thing you do is check for scene safety. If the scene isn't safe, we're not going in. First thing you're taught in EMS - your own safety comes first, because if you're shot you can't help the patient. It's you, your partner, then the patient."

"How often do you actually listen to that rule?" Sky asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That's not what we're learning today," Hyrule waved off easily. It was pretty common knowledge that while he would never put his partner's life at risk, he'd gotten himself into dicey situations before. But he knew how to get himself out of those situations too. "So, we determine the scene is safe. Next, is our primary assessment. The purpose of this assessment is to check for life threatening things, and an overview of major body systems. Neuro status, bleeding, and your ABCs: Airway, Breathing, Circulation.

"The situation is pretty dynamic, like sometimes you walk up and somebody's got an arterial bleed and spurting blood everywhere, your assessment stops right there and you go fix that bleed. But generally you'll have time to do the entire primary assessment."

"Okay, so neuro and ABCs?"

"Yeah. And the good thing is that most of it happens all at once, you know? You walk up to Sky and he looks at you, then boom, you've got a good neuro - he's awake, he's alert. He may not be oriented, but you can figure that out by just talking to him. And by this point you can tell if there's life threatening bleeding. Then it's ABCs - is his airway patent, or open? Is he breathing, and is he doing so normally? Is his skin warm, dry, and normal tone for him? You can literally do al these things by just walking into the room and looking at him for five seconds. The primary assessment is done really fast and, the more times you do it, basically automatically."

"What would be an example of something being wrong?" Wild askd.

Hyrule glanced at him. "When I got on scene for your crash, you were unconscious and unresponsive--in other words, you were not only unconscious, but nothing would wake you up--and your breathing was gurgling sounding because you had blood in your airway."

Glancing at Sky, Hyrule said, "Sky can give us an example of a not great primary assessment, I'm sure."

Helpfully, Sky immediately flopped off the chair he was sitting on, collapsing to the ground with a crash. Wild laughed, and footsteps rushed from upstairs into the living room.

Twilight immediately froze in the entranceway, eyes wide and fixed on Sky. "Sky, what the--guys what the hell is hap--"

Sky perked up immediately. "Oh, sorry! I'm just helping Hyrule teach Wild!"

Twilight froze a moment and then sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose and grumbling under his breath.

Hyrule smiled, pointing at Twilight. "He just perfectly showed a good primary assessment looks like! He walked in and saw the patient down on the ground, tried to figure out a neuro by calling out to him, and when Sky woke up he immediately could tell he was fine. Neuro intact, not bleeding, had a patent airway because he's talking, breathing normally, and skin looks normal."

"I hate all of you," Twilight groaned, walking out of the room.

"Okay, but by skin looking normal... what does it mean when it doesn't?" Wild asked.

"Your skin can tell a story," Hyrule explained. "If you're diaphoretic, which means sweating, something is likely wrong. Though it depends on context - if your patient's sweaty but they were just exercising, it makes sense. If Sky's sweaty on the ground after being shot, he's in shock. If the skin is cool, the body isn't circulating well - that can sap the color right out of your skin - the lighter your skin tone the more notable it is, but darker skin tones can become paler too. A lot of times with darker skin tones you'll want to look at their palms or their lips, that'll help you determine it. Another color is grey - that usually means cardiac and it's bad. So skin can tell you a lot!"

"How did my skin look?" Wild questioned, curious.

"Pale," Hyrule immediately answered. "Anyway. Sky's your patient. Look him over."

"Okay," Wild blew out a breath, approaching Sky and kneeling beside him. "So he's unconscious, that's my neuro so far."

"Can you arouse him at all?"

Wild poked Sky in the neck. Sky flinched. Wild poked again and Sky giggled. Wild's eyes widened in realization, and a mischievous smile crossed his face.

"Wild, wait--"

Sky started laughing hysterically as his friend tickled him, wiggling and trying to shove him away.

"Get--off of m--Wild you jerk--"

Hyrule chuckled. "Well, we're not taught to tickle our patients, but that works."

#sorry this took so long! #needed to manifest some energy to write healthcare au stuff lol #lu in healthcare #asks #writing #lu hyrule #lu wild #my gosh guys it's been SO LONG since I've looked at an EMT textbook I actually had to look up primary v secondary assessment definitions #just to make sure I was explaining it right #because I just automatically do it and haven't used the terms 'primary and secondary assessment' since EMT class #and that was more years ago than I care to admit LOL #in fact it's been so long I'm pretty sure they teach the primary as ABCDE #*puts on grey wig* back in my day #we just had ABC for the primary assessment #airway and breathing and circulation #but now it's airway/breathing/circulation/disability/expose?? I think?? #disability makes no sense to me #but all expose is saying is expose areas so you can see what you're dealing with #like for a trauma patient you gotta cut the clothes off to make sure you aren't missing an injury #I think disability is neuro related but they were stretching it ok #medical world and it's dumb acronyms #honestly I say just stick to ABCs #lu sky #lu twilight #poor twi lol #he's so done with their shenanigans #he's been on edge ever since Wild's hospitalization #anybody having issues makes him have a meltdown

[nguyenfinity]

[slams this on the table] HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY

Extra:

#when i said i'm taking y'all down with me. i goddamn meant it. #enstars #mamagi #niki shiina #hi if you're new around here yes i am aware mother amagi has passed in canon this is just my fun little delusion #y'know if the amagis actually had something nice in their lives #the file for this was created april 28th so you can imagine how long this has been on the backburner #i don't think she's. completely innocent in rinne's childhood trauma (if that's the right term for it) #but she definitely regrets not doing more for him #she loves her boys #and her boys' boys #if rinne has a habit of adopting little brothers she has one of adopting sons sorry #i would've liked to make this nicer but working on things a little too long makes my skin crawl sorry #i love her tho #also read bean's fic. 'safe and warm a loving embrace' on ao3 you know you wanna #also is this the mamagi and niki hug you wanted mutsu. remember when you asked for that. i had this whole thing cooking before you did. #heheheheheheh #MY BAD IT WAS COOKIE WHO ASKED FOR THE HUG #I'M SORRY COOKIE #HOPE YOU LIKE IT THO

[furiousgoldfish]

me about the abuse: ah it couldn't have been that bad

also me: flinches at any fast movement, is terrified of people, expects every scenario to end up in harm, torture or murder, can't stand up to people, can't get close to anyone, keeps everything secret, terrified and ashamed of people knowing me, unable to stifle inner rage but too scared to express it, scared to talk about my own experiences, feels othered, unrelatable and outcasted from society, constantly worries about death from lack of resources, can't see a positive future, can't think about the past without breaking down, loses memories, loses ability to do things, is exhausted at all times, unable to reach comfort or a place of emotional safety

me in retrospect: ok maybe it was bad

#child abuse #abuse symptoms #trauma symptoms #psychological abuse #minimizing trauma #blaming yourself for symptoms #long term abuse #long term trauma #i can literally convince myself that i'm normal when i'm not around people #only when i have people around i realize the level of relaxed and free they are #only then i realize how different iam #and then i need to get away to not be triggered like this anymore #ugh i can't handle things lately

[chronicallycouchbound]

Homelessness as Trauma: Transitioning Into Housing

Having housing after experiencing homelessness for over half of my life wasn’t healing for me (and most others too).

Homelessness is inherently traumatic in and of itself. Just the act of not having housing is traumatic. But before someone becomes homeless ever, we know that certain marginalized communities are more likely to become homeless, and that those marginalized communities are experiencing communal trauma AND the individual person is experiencing trauma. Additionally, whatever led to you becoming homeless was traumatic. And then you’re at significantly increased exposure to other traumas while unhoused (friends dying, police violence, systemic barriers, communal traumas, developing medical conditions, medical discrimination, etc).

Long-term homelessness is exponentially traumatizing.

When I lived in a youth homeless shelter for nearly 4 years, prior to, and after that I had been unhoused or in extremely unstable housing. Watching as other youth would become unhoused and then quickly gain housing, some in under a week, most in under a few months, I felt absolutely dispirited. As time went on, I only acquired more marginalization and thus faced more barriers. I felt like I would never have stable housing. It often still feels this way.

The staff at the shelter where I lived consistently said “We are not a crisis stabilization unit” in response to youth showing signs of trauma and crisis. Almost no concrete supportive services exist for people transitioning out of long-term homelessness. I stopped qualifying for most services after I stopped being legally homeless, even though my housing was even more unstable than the shelter was most of the time.

For a frame of reference, because I was never officially in foster care as a minor (even though I was homeless and on my own documented as a minor, had various legal guardians other than my parents, as well as dozens of child services calls and regular check-ins with caseworkers because of documented physical abuse and neglect all throughout my childhood, but I digress) I don't qualify for the services that foster youth get granted until they're 30, even if they only spent 1 night in foster care. Some of those services include free college, housing vouchers to pay for housing in full, guaranteed Medicaid coverage, additional food stamps, and more. I have several friends who have used these programs and are thriving! I'm glad they exist for people in need-- they should also be expanded to include homeless youth.

So when I moved into my first apartment, on my own, at age 19, I was genuinely more terrified than at any time while I had ever been homeless. I slept with my backpack as a pillow and my jacket as a blanket, despite having pillows and blankets to use. It was like a security blanket for me. I slept with my knife on my waistband like I always did, and I reluctantly put my boots within arm's reach instead of wearing them.

I didn't put anything into cabinets or closets or drawers for a very long time. I just kept living out of my backpack. I was afraid of leaving anything in my apartment-- usually leaving any possessions anywhere meant saying goodbye to them. I was afraid of being alone in my tiny studio apartment so I would have friends over every night.

There was times I wouldn't leave my apartment for days on end, especially when I started owning possessions that I had to leave behind and couldn't carry everything on my back anymore. I can't remember a time I owned enough possessions that I couldn't fit them all into a tote box and backpack. It was an entirely foreign experience.

People kept congratulating me and yet no one gave me any help with getting basic necessities for my apartment. Every pot and pan I own is scratched to shit and found free on the road, akin to all my mismatched dull knives and friend's hand-me-down towels. It was a pat on the back while I was still out there drowning.

People kept congratulating me and still my friends, my family, were on the streets dying. Acting like I should be proud to "overcome" while the system still hurts us all. My friends are still dying. Our whole community is grieving all the time. I feel guilty to just be alive.

That's not even touching the start of processing the trauma I experienced while unhoused. They say you don't start to process shit til you're safer and it hit like a tidal wave.

I had never felt like that before getting off the streets. And I wasn't and am still not in stable housing. I can't even imagine what stable housing would look like, let alone how tryna process that would be like. It is such a raw and vulnerable experience to come fresh out of homelessness and then be thrown into a world you've never known.

So many people think JUST housing is the answer when it simply is not. We need supportive services, we need community support, we need to be cared for and looked after. We need places to go for holidays and people to be our emergency contacts. We need financial help and support that money can't buy. We need real love, we need to be held by our community and uplifted to where we all can thrive.

#chronically couchbound #stories from the shelter #homelessness #homeless #unhoused #actually homeless #housing insecurity #housing #landlords #affordable housing #cost of living #housing crisis #houselessness #houseless #homelessness is trauma #long term homelessness #ptsd #trauma #cptsd #homeless youth #eviction #poverty #low income #chronic homelessness #chronically homeless #disabled and homeless #homeless trans youth #homeless statistics #homeless crisis #homeless shelter

[romajuliettesupremacy]

we, collectively, moved on from the fact that alisa got infected with the bug things and almost died wayyyyyy to quickly

#in the most serious way ever this might actually be my roman empire i think about it all the time #was this her canon event? #like does she have bug trauma now #like is she physically fine now like where there no long term effects on her #i need to know every detail about her #these violent delights #our violent ends #alisa montagova #foul lady fortune #foul heart huntsman

[ovaruling]

last night, during the street outreach, we had a woman come up to us, incredibly agitated that the undercover footage we were showing of slaughterhouses and dairy, egg, and fishing industries was visible to children.

two of the activists had brought their healthy, intelligent, wonderfully well-adjusted vegan children, who have both previously seen the footage with their parents and asked questions and received honest answers.

and i approached her to ask her—if she cared so much about the welfare of children, as she claimed, why was she not boycotting these industries?

if you are against child labor in any real way, you WOULD boycott industries that require labor in slaughterhouses, meat-packing facilities, fisheries, egg farms, dairy farms, fur and wool farms.

because guess who makes up a significant portion of that labor? CHILDREN. illegally and legally both, depending on the state or regional laws.

i’ve seen it with my own eyes at slaughterhouses, up close—i’ve seen children no older than 12 made to haul the dead bodies of pigs, still bleeding. i’ve seen them working in those farms.

there are innumerable minors “employed”—or enslaved—to animal agriculture and the resultant slaughterhouses and meat-packing and chick-grinding and animal skinning. PTSD doesn’t even begin to cover what these children come home with. to say nothing of how unsafe these jobs are—would anyone like to look into how many injuries and outright limb amputations are caused by slaughterhouse work each year? cuz it sure isn’t zero.

do you think Big Meat insures their workers and pays for medical bills and a pension when these incidents occur? how much do you think they care about safety code violations? the USDA and ASPCA approved slaughterhouses i’ve seen in person are in violation of at least 40 codes, minimum.

and let’s talk about the field farming of the immense amount of food required to sustain the animals imprisoned within these industries—lest we forget, most of the world’s food and calories go to feed these animals, not us.

and guess who they rely on most to farm that animal feed.

these industries will ALWAYS find a way to use children for their labor, because it’s cheap and it’s easy. they will NEVER stop using child labor. ever. it doesn’t matter how many laws are “in place”—these places will always get away with it bc they literally cannot exist without extensive and wildly cheap labor. you cannot invent an animal agriculture that won’t find a way to silently exploit minors for cheap labor.

these businesses are at the top of the capitalist heap—it’s a business that, once again, cannot exist without human slavery on a large scale, with much of that burden resting on children and immigrants (particularly women, btw).

if you actually care even a little bit about child labor, really, one of the most effective things you can do is to boycott animal product industries.

#unethical labor is why your meat is so ‘cheap’ btw #one reason at least. govt subsidizing of these slavery farms definitely help #but the less they have to pay their workers who are in high risk jobs the better! #guess what the slaughterhouse overturn is for employees btw! #and guess what kinds of psychological trauma and long term issues they leave with #v #vp

[femmeidiot]

I need 2 be braver about enforcing my pronouns with people

#But I always exist in a weird limbo space because I've never even come out to my parents as an adult #that doesn't mean I didn't try to when I was a kid or that they didn't read my journal one time and find out about my first girlfriend #And then my dad took me on a weird hour long drive to tell me about how I was an evil sinner and then bought me kfc biscuits so I lied and #told my parents I was straight now #but anyway no one in my family besides my sister actually KNOWS anything about my gender or sexuality #and so idk I'm good at just like keeping it to myself in general I know I look feminine and and I'm not bothered by most feminine terms #but idk it does make me sad that most people still don't see me fully #anyway idk there's some trauma bye

[purple-worm]

Choi Do-il really said "you're financially illiterate because you've never had the privilege to live beyond supermarket reward points or learn anything that wasn't absolutely required for your family's survival and NOT because you aren't intelligent enough". and that was very sexy of him.

#choi do il #tvn little women #little women #social status is never going to be a reflection of intelligence #intelligence in itself is a complicated concept #but god i love this show for making it clear just how much poverty strips away from you #its not just about having less #but the long term trauma it causes #and the consequences of missing out on opportunities that are considered bare minimum #like #learning english #knowing anything about the economy and stock market #visiting museums #not socializing bc you can't spend on drinks #the confidence that comes from wearing a winter coat #or even wearing shoes that arent killing your feet #this show gets too many things right #choi doil