#maybe it’s because I’m listening to Ricky Montgomery while writing this

[keithbutgay]

Letters to You (a platonic Kidge fic)

(What if Lotor never arrived? What if Keith's Naxzela plan had actually gone through? What if Pidge started writing letters to him to cope?)

CW: implied sh, implied ed, implied self-sacrifice, death, depression (I'm sorry guys)

~~~

A while ago, I was talking to you. It wasn’t our last conversation, We were at my house, eating candy and talking about nothing and everything.

You were lecturing me on taking care of myself, and mentioned a friend of yours who had broken their ribs from binding unhealthily.

You were always such a hypocrite, as much as you liked to deny it. You were worse at taking care of yourself than I was.

I asked you if the friend was okay, and you looked at me, bluntly stating that they were dead.

I didn’t know how to respond then. I don’t really know now.

You said you shouldn’t be joking about having dead friends.

But guess who has the dead friend now, Keith?

Guess who?

~~~

I was going through my texts and found the conversation between the two of us.

I started scrolling through it, and amid all of the 2 am talks about cheese, the interesting facts, the cartoon shows, I found it.

It was after you had joined the Blade. You’d never messaged me before then.

You told me you missed me, let me know that you were visiting. But we never did plan anything, did we Keith?

I should have said something sooner.  I should have written back. I knew I should have. 

But I didn’t.

And look where we are now.

~~~

You used to always joke that I couldn’t listen to Ricky Montgomery.

I used to always joke that you couldn’t listen to Mother Mother.

It was our little thing (we listened to both anyway).

And when our dysphoria got too bad, we could just joke that we should switch bodies. (I always was jealous of your height)

Your sense of humor might have been more than a little skewed.

But it was okay.

Because we could be skewed together.

~~~

There’s someone at the Garrison who kind of looks like you.

I keep seeing them around.

They tied their hair back today, making it look short, and I saw you.

But it wasn’t you.

It will never be you.

I should really be used to that.

~~~

I text the others every so often.

I hear I’m the only one they’ll talk to anymore. You’d think that would make me feel special, but it really hurts.

Lance still loves you, Keith. He never got over you. He wants you to come back. Needs you to. We all do.

But not even the others will message him. Not after he asked to talk to you one too many times.

One of the others texted me this morning, at 4 am. I could have cried when I saw the notification.

It’s been so long since I’ve talked with any of you.

And yet this person missed me. This person wants to see me.

But you’re gone.

How long can I handle another person in your place?

Meeting up with them might end up being the hardest thing I’ll have to do for a while.

It hurts just to see your face.

~~~

You told me you were Galra before you told the rest of the crew. I guess you thought I’d be more likely to understand you.

I didn’t believe you at first.

Maybe because I didn’t want to. I was scared, we all were. But you had always acted and looked so human… I didn’t see how you could ever be a monster, like they are. Like the ones who took my family. 

But as soon as I thought about it, I knew you wouldn’t be lying about that. And maybe I noticed a few signs every so often. The impeccable night vision, the sharp canines, the colorblindness.

I guess it all makes sense now.

Despite all this, I never thought of you as any different than who you were before. I never treated you any different.

Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t be gone.

~~~

I went to your house once. Before Kerberos, before you were expelled.

Did you even remember that?

We played Identity V, and KillBot, and Cards Against Humanity (much to Matt’s amusement and Shiro’s horror).

I bought that game. Did I ever tell you that?

I bought Cards Against Humanity because us playing that game is one of the only memories I have of you.

I can’t lose that.

~~~

I’m sorry.

I’m so, so sorry.

I’m sorry I ruined your last moments with your boyfriend.

I’m sorry I didn’t hug you goodbye.

I’m sorry I let you go.

I’m sorry that I acted like I didn’t care, that I brushed it all off.

I’m so sorry, Keith.

I’m so sorry for everything.

~~~

Maybe it’s pointless to write all of this.

It’s not like you will ever read it.

I guess it’s just been pent-up for too long.

It’s been so long, Keith. 

I don’t understand.

I suppose I might never truly understand.

~~~

You were one of the only people who knew about my scars.

You had the same ones.

You called them your “barcodes”, held our arms together and joked that we were matching.

I never knew how to respond to that. 

Mine were only faint white marks, so old they were hardly visible against my skin. Yours were red and harsh, lining your thighs, your arms, your hips. 

You never did let me check for fresh wounds. Now, I regret not pushing harder.

I used to constantly be so confused how you would always convince others to eat, even as you skipped meals for days at a time.

I didn’t get how you would go to any length to stop a friend from hurting themself, even as white scars lined your arms.

I never understood how you would be so persistent about not suppressing your emotions while pushing down an anxiety attack.

You were always brushing aside your own problems. You always seemed so figured out.

I had never realized.

~~~

One time Hunk tried to stop me from stimming and you called him ableist because I’m neurodivergent.

I was so confused at the time. I hadn’t told anyone I was autistic.

I texted you about it later. You brushed it off, saying that you had a kind of gaydar for neurodivergent people.

When someone’s closest friends are all ADHD and autistic, they begin to notice a few things.

I never guessed that other people would notice as well.

I have a new friend now. Their name is Sophie.

You would like them. You’re a lot alike.

They are the best friend I’ve had in a really, really long time. And probably the closest.

They’re a hybrid too. Part Olkari, part human.

But I know they’re not leaving me. Or at least any time soon.

~~~

I get angry about it sometimes. Did you really think we could ever forget about you? 

Why didn’t you try harder? Why wouldn’t you fight back? Why couldn’t you have just fucking stayed?

The Blade was putting so many things into your head, Keith. Couldn’t you tell?

Knowledge or death. That’s the reason you aren’t standing before me anymore. That’s the reason I can’t hear your breathing in the room next door.

That’s the reason I relapsed last night.

You never had to leave us.

You never needed to sacrifice yourself.

It wasn’t the only option.

It won’t ever be.

~~~

I had a dream last night.

You were in it.

I didn’t want to wake up.

~~~

I haven’t been able to sleep recently.

Thoughts of you plague my mind.

It makes me feel sick, thinking about how you died. If Matt hadn’t told us… I don’t know what would have happened. We might have never noticed.

That terrifies me.

It terrifies me that you felt that the only way to stop the bomb was to explode your ship.

It terrifies me that we unknowingly egged you on, told you to do it. We congratulated you. Good job Keith! You did it!

It terrifies me that you died thinking we hated you. You died before we could apologize for the harsh looks thrown, for the angry words, for making you feel expendable.

But most of all?

It terrifies me that if no one had told us you were dead, we would never have realized on our own. We would still be going to parties, doing shows, fighting the Empire.

We would have assumed you thought you were too good for us, off on some Blade mission that didn’t really matter.

It’s the thoughts like those that really make me feel sick to my stomach.

Here’s to another sleepless night, I guess.

~~~

I almost threw away these letters.

But as soon as I tried to let them go, I started crying so hard I couldn’t convince myself to drop them.

I clung to them as if they were the only thing keeping me alive. Keeping you alive.

I suppose they are, in a way.

~~~

You came into my room once when neither of us could sleep.

I was playing the video game we got from the space mall, Kill Bot Phantasm 1. I didn’t notice you coming in. None of us ever did. We used to joke about putting a bell around your neck.

You saw my posters, walls covered with cryptids and podcasts. Mothman and the Loch Ness Monster and Welcome to Night Vale.

I don’t think I had ever seen you so excited.

We talked for hours about evidence and theories, finally able to talk cryptozoology to someone who understood and was willing to listen.

You asked to play the game with me. I was more than happy to play with you.

The next morning, Lance came into the room to find the two of us asleep, my head on your shoulder, the screen still on. 

He teased me for weeks about that.

I think he was just jealous.

~~~

Something’s wrong with Shiro, Keith.

I can’t tell what’s different. You probably could have. But you were so excited to have your brother back… it blinded you.

I hate not knowing. I feel so stupid. Something’s clearly off.

Maybe he’s just grieving.

That’s more than just a possible answer, I suppose.

I wish you’d come back like Shiro did.

But I guess not all of us are so lucky.

~~~

I found Cards Against Humanity. It was in a small metal box in the corner. I don’t even remember bringing it into space.

It’s not like I could play by myself, but I sifted through the cards, looking for the ones we’d used that day.

I pulled them out, laying them on the floor.

I sat there for a long time, crying and staring at those stupid cards.

Guess I’ll be the one advocating for a team game night tonight.

~~~

I know these letters are pointless.

But they’re the only thing that’s left of you. Or at least the only thing that’s mine.

Lance took your jacket. He says it smells like you. He’ll sleep with it occasionally, head buried in its folds, his eyes red and puffy.

I guess I’ve been pretty selfish with these letters.

You would have wanted to know how the others were doing.

If I’m being honest, they’re not doing well. Your death hit us all hard, and I’m not even sure you realized.

You thought you were doing the right thing. You didn’t see any other way. Good job, Keith.

Shiro is staying up later and later, hacking away at the training bots like you used to do. His decisions have become more and more reckless, and truthfully, I don’t know how long we can keep up with it.

Lance barely sleeps either, but instead of training, he’s playing video games, or reading, or staring at the wall. Sometimes he refuses to even leave his room, and I keep catching glimpses of little crescent-shaped scars on his arms, like he was digging his nails into his skin. He does that a lot, when he thinks no one can hear him cry. When no one can see him bleed. 

Hunk has been cooking. A lot. Normally I wouldn’t complain, but it’s getting worrisome. Cooking and baking have always been his outlet, a way for him to vent his emotions and turn them into food. Now, the castle is full of food. It’s like he physically can’t stop.

He cries a lot, too. I can hear through his door, and I think my heart breaks more with every sob.

Allura is a lot more quiet. Less demanding. I think she blames herself for your death, as if her accepting you sooner would have stopped you from ramming your ship into that stupid barrier.

And to be completely truthful… There are times when I’ve believed the same.

Coran has quieted, too. He keeps trying to act cheerful like he usually does, but every joke falls flat. I think he understands, but it hurts to see the downtrodden expression on his face every time he fails to make us smile. It’s as if he’s become more muted.

I'm not sure who else there is to talk about besides... well... Matt.

I think he might have taken your death the hardest out of everyone here. And that's saying something. 

He hardly eats anymore. Barely sleeps. He's practically stopped talking, Keith. I don't know what to do.

You were one of his oldest friends, second only to Shiro. He blames himself for your death, both regret and survivor's guilt weigh heavy on him.

He was the one to watch you fly. He was the one to yell at you to stop. He was the one to see as you crashed, as the barrier went down.

He was the one to tell us about your death.

I think he loved you. He probably still does.

He's really hurting, Keith. We all are.

It's days like today that I doubt I'll be leaving my lab any time soon.

~~~

I was sitting in your room a few days ago when I found your knife hidden under your mattress. The one from your mother, from the Blade of Marmora.

I’m not sure I’ve ever missed you more.

~~~

We’re doing a mission with the Blade of Marmora today.

I have mixed feelings about the Blade, if I’m being honest. After all, it was the Blade who killed you. The Blade, with their stupid sayings and stupid mantras about “knowledge or death.” and “the mission is more important than the individual”.

It’s not. It never is.

The individual is always more important. Especially when it was you. When it wasn’t the only way.

I’m scared, Keith. I’m really scared.

I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t lose anyone to another fucking mission.

Not again.

~~~

I think I might have to stop these letters soon.

I suppose I ran out of things to say to you.

I never thought that would happen.

But I guess it’s as good a time as any to finally let you go.

Goodbye, Keith.

I love you. I will miss you for as long as I live. 

Your best friend forever and ever,

Pidge

~~~

#find me on ao3! #The_Tiger_King #first time posting fanfic on tumblr #fanfiction #voltron #vld #im putting them through it #voltron legendary defender #keith kogane #klance #autistic keith #autistic pidge #pidge holt

[homosandhomies]

NEW TAG GAME FOR MY FELLOW GLEEKS!

Put your playlist on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that were NOT covered on Glee. Then, explain how you would incorporate each song into the show if they had covered it. If you want to, link the song so we can listen to it!

My Nemesis - Phineas & Ferb. Easy. Sue sings this about Will and their rivalry during a montage of her fucking with him.

hoax - Taylor Swift. This was the hardest one to answer. I can see Rachel singing this while in the anger stage of grieving Finn. The lyric “You know I left a part of me back in New York / You knew the hero died so what’s the movie for?” can totally be about Finn.

Get Used To It - Ricky Montgomery. Finn sings this in season 4 when he’s feeling lost and stuff. In high school he was popular and felt secure. But then once he entered the real world he realized he didn’t really know anything and felt lost. Perfectly describes him.

When I Grow Up - Matilda the Musical. ND would sing this when they graduate and it would make me fucking SOB.

(It’s) Hairspray - Hairspray. People are pissed at Kurt for spraying a shit ton of hairspray in the goddamn hallway and making everyone inhale it so he sings this in retaliation to celebrate his love of hairspray. It’s a huge fantasy number and all of the girls are dancing around him in 60s dresses.

Falsettoland / About Time - Falsettos. This song is so hyper specific and musical-y that I can only picture it in a context of them doing Falsettos for their school musical. In that case, I’m casting Blaine as Marvin, Kurt as Whizzer, Tina as Trina, Artie as Mendel, Santana as Charlotte, Rachel as Cordelia, and idk maybe Mike as Jason?

Still Clean - Soccer Mommy. Sam sings this about Mercedes in season post- summer fling because he’s hurt that she sorta ditched him for Shane. It totally fits the situation and Sam’s POV.

FUBT - HAIM. The only person I can picture singing this is Will about Terri (because yes, that relationship was abusive, and women can be abusers).

9 to 5 - Dolly Parton. The gang sings this in the second half of season 5 while they’re all hustling in New York.

Dig a Little Deeper - The Princess & the Frog. Mercedes sings this, and the rest of ND are the chorus. I feel like this is directed at Finn, with his daddy issues and wanting to be rich again after losing his power. In this case, the riches aren’t in money but in popularity.

@20xbetterthanu @sapphic-squid @mr-tell-me-a-fucking-secret1 @nancysgillians @dilfdarren and anyone else who would like to join in 😘

#tag game #summer says stuff #glee #sue sylvester #rachel berry #finchel #finn hudson #new directions #kurt hummel #sam evans #will schuester

[mistasdumptruck]

OMG if you were a crusader close to Polnareff (let’s say you’re younger than him for this) he’d treat you like a younger sibling he’d want to protect you, comfort you when you’re upset and be there to listen when you need to rant about something trivial or serious. You’d also definitely be there to listen to him at 2:00 AM when he wakes up from a nightmare about Sherry and if he wants to talk you’d be there to hear him out and give him the hug he needs and tell him it isn’t his fault. He’d always volunteer to share a room with you and I feel like he probably has a secret snack stash that he’d only share with you :,) if you had long hair he’d ask to braid it if not I feel like he’d always be pulling at your cheeks. OH he’d also totally ask you to help him apply sun cream to his back and shoulders (there’s no way he doesn’t have sunburn) You guys would definitely have inside jokes All in all I feel like it would be a sweet wholesome relationship and after DIO was defeated he’d probably ask you to come back to France with him if you didn’t have any family, if you did he’d encourage you to go and be happy but he’d totally come visit you and you him (also I feel like this wouldn’t be him trying to replicate the relationship he had with Sherry he knows nothing could ever replace a deceased family member)

#jojos bizarre adventure #stardust crusaders #jp polnareff #jjba headcanons #jjba pt 3 #jean polnareff #polnareff headcanons #jjba stardust crusaders #I managed to get myself in my feelings with this one :( #I love polpol so much I just want him to be happy #he deserves the entire world #i’m literally crying #jojos turned me into an emotional mess #maybe it’s because I’m listening to Ricky Montgomery while writing this #POLPOL IS BEST BOY

[ererokii]

Line without a Hook || E. Jaeger & J. Kirstein

➳ Jean Kirsten x Fem Reader x Eren Jaeger

Word count: 4,517 Warnings: angst, fluff, unrequited love, cursing ➳ note: this is based off the song Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery! I’ve been thinking this for a long time and I’m super excited by how it came out! Also big thanks to @reddriot​ for betaing!

➳ Synopsis: is love really worth it? Let me say, it’s not always worth it.

You can hold my hand if no one’s home.

Do you like it when I’m away?

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

It starts out simple really. A boy and a girl. Childhood friends, to be precise. Those two are inseparable. Nothing can tear the friends apart, besides their parents, of course. Like two peas in a pod. 

Jean says he knows you like the back of his hand. He truly means that. He knows your favorite boy bands from when you were younger, how many terrible phases you’ve gone through, favorite foods, and places. If he wrote a novel about the things you told him, he would be a renowned author. 

Since kindergarten to now, in the middle of your junior year, you and Jean have been side by side. You told him everything. From random vents and gossiping about the rude girls in your class to how horrible your period cramps were— even though Jean hated hearing about the last, he stuck through it for you.

Only you. 

The pavement that followed the street your house was on is memorable. Jean can recall the amount of times you’ve had races, chalk scribbles covering the grey that would be washed away by the angry neighbors. 

He listens to you as you talk about a kid getting in trouble in your Calculus class, watches how lively your motions are as you speak. Jean can’t help but smile when a laugh slips past your lips and you glance at him. There’s an unknown sparkle in his eyes, one filled with love. 

You haven’t changed one bit, he thinks as he faces back forward, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. His mind begins to wander as you both continue down the pavement, part of your routine when school ends. 

Your houses are right next to each other. You’ve been with him since you were in diapers. He was there when your first tooth came out, congratulating you, and you were there for him when he finally learned to ride his bike with two wheels instead of three. 

The bubbly lovable five-year-old back then is the same as you are now. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Oh all my emotions

Feel like explosions when you are around

A sigh of disappointment leaves Jean’s lips when he listens to Connie talk about something he has learned over the weekend (something completely stupid— he just doesn’t care). Currently, the students are at lunch, the cafeteria full with loud shouts and random noises. 

“Connie, shut up,” Sasha groans, placing her water bottle on the table, wiping her crumbs off. “No one cares that you finally figured out how to stick a spoon to your nose.”

“What do you mean?! You were the one who showed me!”

The brunette gasps and looks over his way, cream cheeks tinted with an adorable shade of pink, pointing a finger at him. The bickering between the two commence as Jean listens, slightly amused. 

As much as he indulges in their argument, he can't help but wonder where you are. 

It’s not like you to skip lunch, especially without at least letting him know. Did you stay behind to talk to a friend? A teacher? Maybe you went to the bathroom.

But it’s at least 15 minutes in. 

“Sasha,” he speaks up, slicking back his hair. The sound of her name catches her attention, making her look at him. “Have you seen Y/N?”

“Y/N?” she asks in a whisper before her lips curl in a grin, already knowing why he asked. “Do you miss her?”

“Just answer my goddamn question!”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Connie asks, looking between his friends before stopping his gaze on Jean. “Why do you need Y/N?”

“Oh, you know! He lik-”

“Shut up!” Jean shouts, catching the attention of nearby students, his face heating up as his cheeks turn a darker pigment. “Just answer me!”

“If you must know,” she taunts him, twirling a strand of hair from her loose ponytail. “I saw her talking to someone in the hallway. Must be important, she’s been there for quite some time. Might want to be her knight in shining armor and saving her, huh?” she cocks her head to the side, staring at one of the windows in the room, watching as the branches of trees sway from the harsh winds. 

The atmosphere outside was cold, breezes rushing down on anyone who was not inside. The sun was hidden by the thick grey blankets filled with rainwater, waiting to shower the world. The temperature recently has been dropping, mid 50’s at least. The weather was a shock, to say the least. 

“I didn’t know Jean likes her!”

“What do you mean?!” Sasha gasps, turning her body to face her small-minded friend. “It’s only obvious! You must be really stupid then!”

“Well, how could you tell?!”

Before Jean has a chance to interrupt Sasha, she begins to rant. He prefers to stay silent, clasping his hands together in his lap as he lowers his head, finding interest in the marbled tiles of the floor his feet rest on. 

The words that slip past Sasha’s lips reach his ear and out the other. 

It’s easy to tell, Connie. Have you noticed the way he looks at her? Can’t you see the love in his eyes? The way he will actually go out of his way to help her with anything? Here you guys are, two close friends, I thought you would have known about his crush. I’m surprised you didn’t catch on every time he ditched plans with us to go hang out with her. He’s whipped, and you’re too stupid to know it. 

His cheeks turn a shade of pink as his eyes squeeze shut, her words replaying in his head like a broken record player. Each sentence is like a knife stabbing away at his brain, causing the slightest ache to form in his frontal region. 

She’s right. Anything she just said five minutes ago, is completely and utterly correct. 

He can still hear her talking about it to Connie, but he can only focus on three sentences that stick to him like glue. 

Have you noticed the way he looks at her? Can’t you see the love in his eyes? The way he will actually go out of his way to help her with anything?

Memories of him helping you in any possible way come to mind. He can’t recall how many times he has entered class two minutes late because you had so much to carry. 

He stares at you like you’re the only thing worth looking at. It reminds him of those cliche animated movies with hearts in the character's eyes. He’s blinded by his love for you, that he never noticed any signs that you don’t feel the same way about him. His heart races miles per hour when you’re around. Sometimes he worries for himself that maybe, his heart might explode within him. 

“Anyway, lunch has about 20 minutes left...where is she?” Connie mutters, scratching the top of his head.

“I don’t know, but,” Sasha grows quiet, listening to the ongoing thunder from the outside. The lights flicker for a second, a couple of yelps emitting from other students, slightly afraid that the power might go off while school is in session. “The storm is almost here.”

“Y/N!” Connie suddenly yells, pointing in the direction of the door, your body jogging closer to the table. “Where have you been?!”

“Sorry!” you laugh, out of breath as you drop your things on the bench, taking a seat beside Jean. “I got caught up in a conversation with someone! I guess I lost track of time for a bit.”

“I messaged you like four times,” Jean mutters, glancing over at you before looking at the table, playing with the plastic straw that he used to drink out of.

“You did?” you ask, pulling your phone out from your pocket, lips puckering when indeed he did so. “I’m sorry, Jean. I didn’t even feel my phone vibrate.”

“Oh, whatever, who cares! Eat! Or I’ll eat your food!” Sasha yells, pointing a finger at you, a smile gracing her features. 

You laugh along with her as you converse with your peers, the conversation you had replaying in the back of your mind. Jean chooses not to intervene, instead would rather listen. 

The roaring thunder plays in the background, everyone paying no mind to it. What he doesn’t know is that the storm is much closer than Jean could have thought. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Listen close, it’s a no

The wind is a pounding on my back

And I found hope in a heart attack

Oh at last, it is past

Now I’ve got it, and you can’t have it

Another evening, another study session, another day of bottling up his feelings until he can no longer hold them inside.

The storm made its way to shore, raining pouring down and even some hail; not what anyone was expecting. 

Jean mindlessly flips through the pages of his English book, not even paying attention to the words as he checks how many pages are in chapter five. 

“This seems pointless,” he adds with a sigh, tossing the book on your bed along with his highlighter he uses to annotate with. “I should just find a summary online or something, I don’t want to read this.”

“And why is that?” you ask, looking up from your book, placing the hardcover against your thighs. “Is it boring to you?”

“No,” he mutters, rolling onto his back. “It’s stupid. This love crap.”

“Well...it is a romance story, the teacher told us when we got the book. But why do you think it’s dumb?”

“He writes letters for her, and in the end, she ends up rejecting him. I don’t think that’s romantic.”

“And? It’s beautiful on his part,” you close your eyes as you stretch your arms over your head, letting out a grunt. “It’s the fact that he wrote to her every day. It’s like he poured his soul into every word. The words he uses are..literally everything. It makes me swoon over him, and he’s not real. Makes me wonder if someone would do that for me.”

Jean’s head perks up at your words, one of his eyebrows raised in curiosity when he notices the bashful look on your face, eyes averted to the comforter on your bed. “Why do you have that dopey look on your face?”

“Huh?!” your eyes are blown open as you look over at him. “What are you talking about?!”

“I’m talking about that, idiot,” he points at your face, watching your eyes cross faintly to stare at his finger. “You’re acting about that guy in the book.”

The patter of the rain is the only noise that fills the void called silence in your room. His warm eyes don’t leave your face at all, waiting for your answer. You’ve been acting weird ever since you were late to lunch this past week. 

He watches your mouth open as if you’ll say something but close it right away, like you were concealing anything you had to hide.

“...well? Y/N? Are you there?”

“Yeah!” you cough into your elbow, running a hand down your face. “I-- you can’t tell anyone.”

“You know I never tell anyone what we talk about.”

You’re silent, a bit too quiet than usual. You fiddle with your fingers before blurting the words that have been eating away at you. 

Jean’s heart stops for a moment, eyes wide in shock when he processes it. His blood runs cold as he’s unable to move, frozen like a statue. The signals in his brain begged him to respond, but he couldn’t. He could hear the faintest sound of bells ringing in his ears; all noise surrounding him was now drowned out by his thoughts. 

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds. 

“You like someone?” he asks in a whisper, barely audible to your ears, but you heard as you nod shyly, biting down on your lip. “Well... who is it?”

“That’s...I can’t say it.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I’m afraid to say it out loud because I don’t want to ruin my friendship with him.”

Friendship? That could be anyone at this point.

I have to figure out who, he thinks as he draws random patterns into the sheets. “Well, tell me about him then. Is he in our grade?” he asks.

“Yeah, he is. He’s in four of my classes.”

Jean was in four of your classes. Math, English, Foreign Language, and Science. 

“That’s it?”

You huff, rolling your eyes. “Can I finish before you interrupt? Thank you.”

You pause momentarily before speaking again.

“He’s stubborn. I’ve noticed that his demeanor changes when it depends on who he is with. He seems like a hardass and looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered, but he seems like a total softie when he’s with people he loves. Not to mention he’s hot...and tall. He’s blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t bullshit at all. He’s really sweet as well, to me. He always goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and how my day was. He just..he seems to care for me, and I feel the same way about him.”

Jean takes every word you say into consideration. He’s stubborn, it seems that he doesn’t like to be around people he doesn’t know but loves those he does know. He knows he’s hot. Practically every day he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks about how good he looks.

He’s blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t bullshit at all. He’s really sweet as well, to me. He always goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and how my day was. He just..he really seems to care for me, and I feel the same way about him.

Jean can feel his doubt and worry turn into happiness and confidence as you keep on ranting, to which he’s not fully paying attention anymore. He knows it's him. It has always been him.

No one else.

Jean likes you.

And you like Jean, that’s all there is to it. 

“Do you want to tell him?”

“Yeah...” you trail off, scratching the nape of your neck. “I want to tell him on Friday after school. Do you think he’ll like me back?”

“I think he would. How could he not? He would be a total idiot to reject you.”

You hum at his reassurance, placing your hand on his, squeezing gently.

“Thanks, Jean.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Darling when I’m fast asleep

I've seen this person watching me

Saying, “Is it worth it? Is it worth it?”

Tell me, is it worth it?

Friday comes, and Jean can hardly wait for school to end. He’s not paying attention, his eyes constantly staring from the whiteboard in the front to the clock that tauntingly ticks slower than usual. 

He bites down on the pink end of his pencil in anticipation, tapping his foot repeatedly on the floor, the noise resonating through the classroom. 

Maybe I should just keep my eyes off the clock, he thinks, lowering his head back to the worksheet their teacher gave the class.

Econ class was a drag. He could care less about the differences in macro and microeconomics, the same with Communism and Capitalism. It’s just a bunch of words that don’t make sense to his brain. 

This was one of the classes he didn’t have with you, the last class. 

Instead of doing his worksheet (luckily, the teacher said it would be for homework if it wasn’t finished), Jean proceeded to think about ways he could tell you his feelings.

He could be old fashioned, tell you how much he adores you and how happy you make him feel when you’re around. How his heart can be heard from the outside of his body, how his hands got warm and clammy, maybe sweaty when he became too nervous.

Or

He could ask you out on a date. Take you somewhere, one of the places you’ve told him in the past that would make a great date for you. He smiles when he thinks about taking you downtown at night, looking at the soft lights that would brighten the streets; loving the sparkle in your orbs as you look around in awe. 

He hums, pleased with himself when he figures out what he’ll do, scratching the back of his ear. 

He wonders if you’re thinking the same thing.

-

You glance at your table partner, looking at his piece of paper before looking down at yours, displeased how his is able to look better than yours. You pick up your eraser, gently wiping the shadings away from your drawing, careful not to crease your paper.

“It’s not that hard you know, you just don’t know how to shade.”

“I know how to shade, Eren,” you reply with a huff, placing your eraser back down. “It’s just...this is a bit harder than usual.”

“All you have to do is follow the markings,” he presses the edge of his drawing pencil against the reference photo both of you are using, tracing the shape of it. “You could honestly just copy the photo, I doubt this woman would even notice.”

You chuckle at his choice of words, shifting in your seat to get comfortable. “I don’t think she would anyway. She just stares at it and calls it an A. I bet for our expressive project, she wouldn’t notice if we copied each other.”

He shakes his head with a smile, the loose strands of his hair swaying with his head movement. “No, she wouldn’t,” he rolls the sleeves of his hoodie to his elbows, grabbing his pencil again. “Then again, we are working on it with each other.”

“Speaking of that, what should we do?”

“Up to you, Y/N. I don’t mind. I’m just trying to pass this stupid class anyway.”

You relish in the silence between you as you gaze at him from your peripheral. You take notice how his hair frames his face effortlessly to the dip in his nose. It’s perfect how it forms to his cupid’s bow to his lips; not too big nor too small either. Just right. 

You clear your throat, scratching at the nape of your neck. “Why not do...stages of love?”

That catches his interest.

“Stages of love?” he asks, moving in his chair to face you, a hand propping his head up. “Elaborate?”

“Like you know...how we gain a crush on someone. We like how they make us feel, and soon we think about them some more. Maybe make little scenarios in our head. Then we gain the crush and want to be around them. You know what I mean, right?”

He’s silent, hues that represent the blue of rivers, boring into your own. At first, you think he hates your idea, but then the corner of his lips curls into his infamous grin. “Yeah, I like that. Did you have anything else in mind?”

“Maybe...rejection?”

“Rejection?” he repeats, a bit shocked at how romantic your words were, to something filled with sadness. “And why would you want to do rejection?”

“W-Well,” you stutter, unsure how you should put it. “Everyone always talks about the good in love but never the bad. And I think it could be done good, you know?”

He hums, scratching away at his chin before nodding. “Yeah, alright. That sounds oddly specific, but I like it. We can honestly get started soon, that way, we can finish faster and not worry about it.”

His smile throws you for a loop, your face heating up as you pick up your pencil, trying to distract yourself. 

“Say, Y/N?”

“Yes, Eren?” you reply a bit too quickly, cursing yourself out internally for sounding too desperate. 

“Can we talk?” his cheeks are a shade of pink, his eyes averted as he plays with one of the strings of his hood, reminding you how a child would distract themselves. The tips of his shoe nudge against yours, barely kicking gently.

“Aren’t we talking right now?”

“No, I mean after school.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer

Watching over me, he’s singing, 

Jean storms out of his Econ class with a grin, hands gripping onto the straps of his backpack as he looks down one end of the hallway before going down the other direction. The art room was three classes down his. Usually, Jean will wait right there by the door for you since you take ages to finally leave the classroom. 

When Jean finally reaches the room, he sees that the doors are locked, and the lights inside are off.

Huh, that’s weird, you’re always one of the last to leave, nor are you ever this early. 

He stands there for a few more seconds, peering in through the small glass, and sees nothing before taking a step back and quickly continues to walk down the hall. His legs are quicker, going down the two flights of stairs. 

His eyes frantically search for the yellow shirt you wore, unable to find you anywhere. 

“Sasha!” he calls out once he reaches the end of the stairs, running towards the girl and their friend, who was at the lockers, pulling things she needed to take home for the weekend. 

The brunette looks over her shoulder, stopping her conversation with Connie as she shuts her locker. “Yeah, Jean?”

He pants, leaning on his knees before letting out a deep breath and standing straight up. “Have you seen Y/N?”

She ponders for a while before shaking her head, looking over at Connie, who shakes his head, shrugging. “We haven’t seen her since Art class.”

“You didn’t see where she went at all?”

The events before class ending play in her mind before she gasps, snapping her fingers, pointing up at Jean. “Yeah, I know where she went!”

“...are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to guess?!”

She mocks him for a second before pulling her phone out. “I could have seen her leave with Eren. I think they went to the bench in the back. You know the one I’m talking about?”

He’s taken aback for a moment before shaking his head, retaining the information. “Alright, thanks.”

Why would you even be with Eren right now? You never meet with him after-

“Are we still on for this weekend?!” Connie yells when Jean is making his way down the corridor.

“Yeah, we are!” Jean's voice travels through the air, reaching both of his friends, hands clammy as they’re shoved in the front pocket of his pants. 

The walk to the back courtyard was tiresome. His feet seemed to drag behind him, an aching feeling forming in his gut. Thoughts pounded against his skull repeatedly, trying to force him to stop. He wants to stop, but he has to go.

He has to tell you he loves you. 

He can’t help but smile when you describe the boy you like this week. In his mind and most certainly his heart, he was the king of the world sitting on his high horse as he screamed in victory, letting the whole world know that the person he likes, feels the same way about him. 

The fresh air from the outside meets his nostrils as he deeply inhales, allowing it to enter his body before exiting. The sun is the first thing he meets with as he exits the building, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes away from the harsh light. He mutters something under his breath as he looks around for a second. 

“She’s a,

She’s a lady and I’m just a boy”

His honey orbs finally stop on a bench where you and Eren are seated, that’s not too far away, but his body is hidden from your view. He lets out a sigh of relief, leaves crunching underneath his feet as he walks, not taking long strides, rather walking slow to rethink what he’ll say.

“Y/N, I’ve liked you for a long...no,” he mutters, stopping in his tracks as he looks down at the green grass and leaves, kicking away at them. “I’ve loved- no, that sounds a bit aggressive, goddammit,” he groans, tugging at the roots of his hairs. “Why is this so fucking hard?!” he growls underneath his breath, leaning against the brick wall. 

He never was anything else but honest with you. How could he say it?

What if this ruins your relationship?

...what if you liked Eren?

His breath hitches in his throat when realization dawns on him. His lips part, a soft exhale releasing from within him. His fingers curl around nothing, as if he was holding the air’s hand. The tips of his fingers shake, his whole body stiffening as he stares hard at nothing. 

How could he be so stupid?

It all made sense now. How you stayed behind during lunch that one time without saying anything; in the back of his mind that day, he knew that someone had to be a boy, maybe a girl. Even then, you would always let him know. 

Jean should have known from the beginning that you only saw him as a brother. 

His chest aches as his vision goes blurry, biting down on the inside of his lip to the point where he can taste the bitter metallic on his tongue. He squeezes his eyes shut before opening, wishing he hadn’t at that moment. 

He’s singing

“She’s a, she’s a lady and I am just a line without a hook.”

His heart breaks, stomach-dropping when he sees Eren’s hand brings you closer to his body, lips pressed up against yours; your hand placed on his cheek, cradling his face. Even from where he stands, he can sense the urgency in the kiss, how your bodies move together as one, how your fingers grip onto him like he’ll leave any moment. 

His lower lip quivers for a second, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, clearing his throat. Jean cranes his neck upward, looking at the sky, muttering the words, “Why him?” over and over like a mantra, no other words coming to mind. 

When he closes his eyes, all he can see is you. Not Eren, just you. Those moments where you laugh, cry, or stay silent, those are the moments that flash in his head.

Did he do something to you? Was it something he said?

Did you ever like him at all?

“It’s pointless,” he whispers, pushing himself off the brick wall, immediately making a beeline for the doors. He swallows harshly, legs moving faster than ever, wanting to get out of this hell hole called reality. 

Like every day, you’ll walk down the same pavement you’ve been walking on for years.

Only this time, he’s walking alone. 

Oh, and if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

taglist: @sleepysnk @jaegerbomb20​ @reddriot​ @kkiimmberly​ @kingtamakimurder​ @tamasoft​ @byougen​ @spike-this-ass​ @crimsonbows-and-arrows​ @squidonmywall​ @thicmitten​ (message me to be apart of it!)

#eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #jean x reader #jean kirstein x reader #aot #snk #aot x reader #snk x reader #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #aot imagines #snk imagines #attack on titan imagines #shingeki no kyojin imagines #eren imagines #eren jaeger imagines #jean imagines #jean kirstein imagines

[todorokichills]

Albedo Headcanons

A/N: Yay Akari's getting off her lazy ass to write. So, to my BSD readers just know that you will be getting BSD content, it'll just be mostly SFW alphabets. Enjoy!

Everyone in Mondstadt is bewildered as to how the hell you and Albedo got together seriously how y/n, teach me your ways

It’s just that Albedo is a very reclusive person, mostly being in either his lab or up in Dragonspine

But either way, everyone supports you!

Now onto your relationship

OK,

So let’s say that you two are in Dragonspine and while he’s walking around completely unbothered (like the king he is 🙄)

You’re over here freezing your ass off

He doesn’t notice until he looks back at you and sees you shivering as if you just saw a ghost

AND HE LENDS YOU HIS COAT

I’m sorry you guys I’m a big simp for Albedo

And maybe because I’m listening to lover man by Ricky Montgomery ;-;

I feel like he would also have you do little tasks for him

He feels as if you’re always bored just sitting there watching him experiment on a bunch of things

So to give you something to do,

He’ll have you gather star silver or just some mint

Or you two will experiment together

As we all know he’s a workaholic, maybe even worse than Jean, so he’ll stay up for hours on repeat just reading over notes

One time he was gone for a long time and it was almost midnight, so you went up to look for him in Dragonspine

And he was in his little camp starting up a whole. new. EXPERIMENT.

You were just like,

“Uh, Albedo, you need sleep...”

“This’ll only take 4 hours to finish, you can go back to Mond.”

“Nope. You’re coming back to Mond and getting sleep”

Cue you dragging him back to Mondstadt and forcing him to lay down and sleep

Come to think of it, I think Albedo would be light

I hope you guys enjoyed it! This is me slowly getting back into the groove of writing! I’ll open my requests so feel free to send some ideas in!

#albedo #albedo headcanons #genshin headcanons #genshin scenarios #albedo genshin x reader #albedo genshin impact #albedo x gn reader

[here4stars]

Love Reading: ♡Earth signs ♡

21 March 2021

Love Reading: ♡Earth signs ♡

Initials: F, C, A, X, & D

Songs: Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode and Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery

Other: Bandaids, nausea/abdominal pain, the color orange, the beach, Suave Men (specifically SPORT) body/hair wash, soy sauce, skin care/sunscreen (or maybe just pale skin), AirPods 1st gen. and AirPod pros, 6 months or less separation, and sulking.

Hi earth signs!!! ♡ This message is very very specific. And for some reason I kept getting this message is for earth sign women (as their sun sign, not in their rising and moon) particularly.

Hi huns🍯🐝, it seems like haven’t been doing well lately. I’m seeing that you seem to practice different ways to manifest things, almost like you’re dipping your toes into Wicca, but are still fearful of the power it may hold. I sense that you are scared of doing spells, because you feel that you will attract bad spirits or negative energy, which is understandable! There’s spells you can do without having to feel completely exposed and vulnerable to other energies and spirits (dm if you’d like a spell that I would pick out for you ♡ almost like a fortune.) But that’s not what I wanted to bring up. Your guides want me to tell you that in order for your manifestations to work, you have to actually believe in yourself and imagine your manifestations while writing them down, saying them in a mirror, drawing them (whatever technique you use!) The whole point of manifesting things is attracting what you deserve, and if you feel like you don’t deserve something deep down inside, then how will it come to you?

I’m not someone who sugar coats things, so please know that my wording may seem harsh but it’s for you to understand the energy and tone I’m receiving. ♡

I’m am just going to tell you flat out though, someone from your past is coming back. It seems like there’s no stopping this person from trying to talk to you, they just need to come up with ways to do it. They’re taking their time, but their energy is very rushed. They’re like, “I have to get this done, I have to get this done, but how?” 

You had a struggle with their person in the past, almost like they saw it as a power struggle. In reality they were just hot headed and immature. This person in the past was very possessive over you, and got jealous easily. It’s almost like they blamed you if another guy was looking at you or being nice to you. This person is very lively and adventurous, they’re really down for anything. It seems like this person would swim in a stormy sea if you asked them to. And it also seems that they’re willing to swim through a stormy sea just to be with you. I keep getting that to be with you was almost a struggle for them, because you felt like you weren’t good enough for them. 

Also side note, but some of you are looking for heartbreak songs/playlists so if you find one on Apple Music let me know too! ♡

You feel rejected, without actually being rejected which must be very painful to think and feel. I want to let you in on a little secret though, it’s all in your head. It’s your mind making your biggest fears come to life so that you feel heartbroken. It’s your inner self’s shield for when you think the real rejection will come. But that heartbreak is not coming, so you broke your heart for nothing huns. There is nothing to do now, besides heal. It seems like you often debate how you would approach this person for when they come back, like you imagine what the conversation would be like. You also debate if you should use your heart or head when they come back, use both! Also, it seems like you want them back greatly, but you also want to tear them a new one. You want to be like, “I love you I love you I love you, so you should never leave me!” And then the other part of you wants to be like, “fuck off, YOU broke my heart!” (Hair flip) Just remember to say how you truly feel, but use both of your head and heart for when they come back. You’re also debating if you should give them another chance, and it may because you to meet someone new, but it could also be that you’re scared that things won’t be the same between you two. I see that you’re clinging onto old memories with them. But a commitment will come with this person, it could marriage, engagement, or maybe moving in with this person! But with this person, a new beginning will come, and it seems like both of you will be more nurturing to each other, you will be more reliable to each other. I see that both of you wanted this connection in the past, but you both were being wish washy with each other. 

I see that you both bring out each other’s inner child. I just got that sometimes in public you act like fools, don’t do that (some people get annoyed by this.) But you both still have romantic feelings for eachtoher so don’t worry. This person is not only a past relationship you had in this life, but from another past life as well, so that could be why you feel like you’re missing something without them. (I AM NOT SAYING THEYRE YOUR SOUL MATE OR TWIN FLAME THOSE TERMS ARE MOSTLY USED BY PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MAKE BANK OFF OF VULNERABLE PEOPLE!!) But it seems like you see each other as worth the wait. You both are like, “No matter how long they take to come back to me, my heart will always belong to them.” 

You need to let loose a little though, but keep your boundaries as they should always be there out of respect for yourself. You have start feeling  and knowing that you deserve the ultimate happiness in many forms. You have this thing about you where if you’re not as accomplished, educated, or beautiful as others then you don’t deserve what they have. LIKE BITCH YOU DESERVE THAT SHIT TOO!!! YOURE BEAUTIFUL!!! YOURE SMART!!!! YOU GOT THINGS GOING ON!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!! ♡♡♡ YOURE STRONG! YOU GOT A WHOLE ASS PERSON WILLING TO FIGHT POSEIDON AND ALL HIS STANK ASS FISH FRIENDS JUST TO TALK TO YOU!!!! You have potential for everything you want to accomplish and receive in life, you need to let the good thoughts grow and pour a shit ton of pesticides on the bad ones. Banish them back to the depths of your bag/purse that has all of those nasty ass crumbs that get under your nails when you’re digging around for your keys or a pen. 

I also am getting that you’re scared of intimate moments because you may be self conscious of yourself. And for some it’s your body, but for other’s you’re scared of odors. LISTEN ok, i’m going to tell you a little something, YOU DO NOT SMELL. And sex smells nasty anyways for various reasons. There’s literally songs written about it 🙄 so chill with the negative Nancy thoughts. You’re always thinking about the negative, stop already. Is there any part of your life where your negative thoughts don’t take over??? Also it seems like you have a limitless amount of emotions, so please make sure to express them when you need to, it’ll make you feel a lot better. 

Also if you were planning on being cold to this person, don’t because this person is going to throw that same energy back expect you’ll be like 👁👄👁(Stay Alive by BEXEY vibezzz here.) Because though this person is willing to fight for you, they’re not going to fight with you. Pick and choose your battles. Keep in mind that every little argument breaks the foundation in your connection. Also it seems that one of you or maybe both of you have family problems and you tend to take your frustrations out on the other person through fighting. You might also be seeing a lot signs that come in the forms of numbers (i.e. 212, 777, 123 and so on), also symbols. Maybe your person really likes strawberries and now there’s strawberries showing up. 

Thank you for letting me read for you huns ♡✨🌸 Dm for a reading $5 (Venmo). You will get this amount of information (possibly more!) ♡♡♡

#love reading #love #tarot reading #oracle reading #psychic #tarot reader #love message #free tarot #divination #earth signs #witchbr #tarot cards #spiritual #tarot community #wicca #empath #witch #witch community #general reading #oracle cards #music #manifestation #wicca spells #healing #pick a card #pick a pile #astrology #spirit guides

[trashcreatyre]

I'm gonna explain one of my TMA playlists bc I've been wanting to do that for several months, and how else am I supposed to procrastinate my animatic project at one in the morning?

(here's the link to the playlist bc I think its pretty slappin')

General:

Body Terror Song By AJJ-

I know that it could technically be a flesh song, but I feel like its a bit more vague than that? if that makes sense?

The Afternoon By Lemon Demon-

there's gonna be a lot of Lemon Demon songs in this lol- This one is also pretty vague, but for some reason it kinda reminds me of Michael specifically? I don't 100% know how to describe it.

thrifted youth By dalynn-

Most of the descriptions/reasonings in the general section are pretty simplistic and vague huh? I guess it just kinda fits the vibe? I might be saying that for a lot of the general ones-

Aurora Borealis By Lemon Demon-

this one reminds me of the season five, kinda feels like a jmart song. (also you'll probably notice that there's not much in the ship theme in this playlist. I like to keep my ship playlists separate from my more general ones, don't know why.)

Under My Skin By Jukebox The Ghost-

just kinda fits the vibe y'know? other than that I don't really know.

Turn the Lights Off By Tally Hall-

i can't actually remember why I put this one specifically- that's a bit unfortunate-

When He Died By Lemon Demon-

This one mostly just fits the vibe, makes me think about the really old Victorian era statements.

Ancient Aliens By Lemon Demon-

again, fits the vibe.

She Doesn't Sleep By Anthony Amorim-

Feels like a random statement tbh. also reminds me of Not!Sasha too.

Nightmare Fuel By Lemon Demon-

funky song- fits the vibe- I don't know what more I can say-

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic-

I don't remember actually???? I think It was an Elias one??? but thinking about it now that doesn't really make much sense???? I'm gonna keep it tho, fits the vibe, at least it does to me.

Bloody Nose By Jack Conte-

fits the vibe :)

Christmas Kids By Roar-

I think I saw an animatic to this one time? now I can only think of the season one archival staff,,,, my beloveds,,,,

La nuit en matin By OH MU-

imma be honest, I have no idea what this one's actually about, but It lowkey reminds me of the intro music during end of season three- y'know, the clown vibes :D

9 to 5 By Dolly Parton-

Archival staff moment

American Healthcare By Penelope Scott-

I guess it could technically be seen as an End themed one? but I put it on bc I felt like it fit the vibes (are you getting sick of reading vibes? i'm getting sick of typing it)

Butch 4 Butch By Rio Romeo-

mostly just the rat filled piano line,,,,,, and also it fits the vibes to me.

Oblivion By Grimes-

Kinda feels like a statement?? In a way?

Murders By Miracle Musical-

the vibes. hopefully thats the last time i type that for this-

oh yeah woo yeah, we're onto the specific Entities now B) lets start with the one that probably has the most, if not, it sure feels like it-

The Spiral:

Spiral Eyes By Rewenge-

yeahhhh,,,, I know it doesn't really fit the vibes all that well, But the title fits and I like it so-

The Distortionist By Ghost and Pals-

this one is SUPER obvious, but it fits REALLY well in my mind.

Out of Her Head (Outerlude) [From The Film Possibly in Michigan] By Korban Baxter-

I can literally picture this one- I lowkey wanna do an animatic of this one one day.

A Crow's Trial By Vane Lily-

OKAY- so this last one is because it's the song from an absolutely GORGEOUS animation/animatic by Akidachi on YouTube, I ADORE this animation. please watch it omg-

again, I'm like, 90% sure that The Spiral has the most songs on this playlist, definitely not a bias or anything. next up is the mf uhhhh-

The Corruption:

Spiral of Ants By Lemon Demon-

no explanation needed.

Maggot By Slutever-

Mostly just the name, but it's a good song too so-

Sick On Seventh Street By Sarah and the Safe Word-

fits the vibe title and actual song wise.

in retrospect under my skin probably could be here-

The Web:

Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

Feels like a very web song,,,

Boris The Spider By The Who-

Spider,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider Dance By Toby Fox-

Yes,,, like from undertale,,,,,,,

i think thats it for the web (i swore there were more,,,,)

The Lonely:

Nobody By Mitski-

C'mon, you didn't think I WOULDN'T put this one on, did you?

This December By Ricky Montgomery-

idk what it is exactly about this one, just,,,, feels correct?

Blue Jay Way By The Beatles-

MANNNNNNN- i love this song, my mom hates it- that's unrelated- but I always just feel like there's fog or like, an eerie sea, or something- while listening to it. it feels very lonely-

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (1909) By Eddie Morton-

I have no idea why spotify suggested this song to me, but I will never not find it funny. Anyway- reminds me of the crew on Peter's ship :)

The Stranger:

Rattlesnake By Kabaret Sybarit-

Idk, feels like smth Nikola would sing at jon- idk how else to explain it-

A Mask of My Own Face By Lemon Demon-

pretty self explanatory lolll

The Slaughter:

War Pigs By Black Sabbath-

war.

The Hunt:

The Hunter By Slaves-

maybe this one is because it's because it's litterally called the hunter, and that they say hunter a bunch, but it is fun to listen to-

Teeth By 8 Graves-

I cannot remember my reasoning at this current moment-

The Flesh:

Body By Mother Mother-

the lyrics do be fittin doe

The Dark:

Everything Goes Dark By The Hoosiers-

i mean- everything goes dark- what more do you want me to say-

Dr.Sunshine Is Dead By Will Wood and the Tapeworms-

i think its mostly the song's vibe and the title.

The End:

The Trick to life By The Hoosiers-

the trick to life is not to get too attached to it.

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world By Will Wood-

remember death.

YOOO OKAY NOW WE'RE ON THE ONES THAT I HAVE ACTUAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT NOW- at least for the most part-

Characters:

i think i'm gonna go from least to most for this- (spoilers, Jon has the most ones because I care him)

Cryptid Hunt- Demo By Averno, Sushi Soucy-

this one makes me think of the WTGFs,,,,,

You're at the Party (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

makes me think about Micheal Shelley,,,,,,,

Saint Bernard By Lincoln-

Alice "daisy" Toner moment-

Mary By The Happy Fits-

mary keay,,,,,,

there used to be a gerry one too, but the more I heard it in the context of the playlist and him, It just didn't fit,,,,,

Ew it's Elias/jonah time-

The Fine Print By The Stupendium-

capitalism- jk- kinda- Idk, just feels like it fits because he really just kinda,,, doesn't care about his employees-

How Bad Can I Be? from the lorax-

I had to-

Boss 3 from the terraria soundtrack-

Listen- I don't know why- but- it has elias/jonah vibes- the vibes are fowl, but the song is good.

Ruler of Everything By Tally Hill-

Panopticon/eyepocolypes time-

Ayooo it's jon time- I really hope I can write out my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense- /foreshadowing

A Sadness Runs Through Him By The Hoosiers-

Goddddd,,,,, he's just kinda filled with sadness and survivors guilt, just like, all the time huh?

Home By Cavetown-

the lyrics are just- very him- like- I just gjbdjgsflkjns-

Broken Crown By Mumford & Sons-

frick- the foreshadowing was accurate- the best I can describe it is that the lyrics just???? y'know??? hhh why am I like this sometimes-

Sweet HIbiscus Tea By Penelope Scott-

i'm willing to bet that he never wanted to be the main character-

Honey I'm Home By Ghost and Pals-

I saw a Jon centric animatic to this one time- I can't for the life of me remember who by, But everytime I hear the moth lines, my brain goes ":0" Because I remember there was a time when people kept drawing moth jon- I don't know where that came from but I thought it was very cool.

Who Are You, Really? By Mikky Ekko-

I'm like- actually starting to get frustrated with how poorly im articulating my thoughts right now- this just isn't funny anymore-

Sleep By My Chemical Romance-

I'm not actually sure why for this one- I just remeber putting on my black parade CD, hearing this, and being like, "damn, that do kinda be jon tho-"

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings- tbh, all this sounded and read out better in my head. My words might not make sense, but I do like how the playlist is. also im very tired, maybe this would've been written better if I wasn't struggling to keep my eyes open lol. I'm gonna fall asleep now- or maybe i'll post a spiral themed doodle dump again, who knows. I don't know.

#tma #oh god im literally too tired to put so many tags #i just cant #the magnus archives #playlist #spotify #spotify playlist #my brain actually hurts #im so tired

[simpbur]

hello! i would like ur 40 song wiblur playlist

anon thank you so much for asking <333 while it would’ve been easier to just drop the link i have so many thoughts about everything so i explained why every single song has its spot on this list which was IMMENSELY fun for me

(also: if anyone does want the link i can provide both apple music and spotify but if u would like the apple music link i’d rather it be through dms or an ask off anon that i can make private!)

another also: i bolded all the songs for ease of perusing if you don’t want the director’s commentary and bolded + italicized the ones that i think fit Very Well

another another also: wrote the second bit of this on my laptop and the keyboard is p funky so if there are any typos or things that do not make sense i will try to fix them asap haha

saint bernard by lincoln: this is one of those like. Dream SMP Songs that i added because it fits into so many different relationships and plot lines and arcs but i think there’s some connection to c!wlbur somewhere out there. idk i asked my friend and he said to add it so this one goes out to him

amnesia was her name by lemon demon: ghostbur song ghostbur song! mostly comes from this lovely animatic

o valencia! by the decemberists: okay this is one of those songs that only really has one lyric that fits but is an absolutely banger so it’s here anyway. you’ll also notice a trend of quasi love songs that i relate to c!wilbur’s perception of l’manburg and i think this song shows this in a really cool way, esp with the chorus (‘and i swear to the stars i’ll burn this whole city down’ is The Line)

achilles come down by gang of youths: another one of those Dream SMP Songs. i think this fits better with c!tommy but i like it too much to remove it. this is a somewhat common trend with the earlier songs on this playlist (i’ve been building this thing since january, for reference)

brave as a noun by ajj: another Dream SMP Song. i think certain verses fit better than others when it comes to wilbur’s character but that ones that work really work

harness your hopes by pavement: a song that is one here for vibes alone. i have no idea what these lyrics mean. all i know is that i heard it, thought of c!wilbur, and put it on the playlist. thank you all for being here

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn: sad-ist made this a tommy and tubbo song (as she should) so it’s validity on this playlist is questionable but folks used to compare it to wilbur and tommy’s relationship during the pogtopia arc and i think some points were made there

the execution of all things by rilo kiley: i’m so excited to get here because this was the first song i put on the playlist that i think really works and i thumb nailed an animatic for the last verse and november 16th so! i think it’s a good l’manburg song and the last verse has some good ghostbur lines (‘and lately you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep/but sleep never comes to you, it’s the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak’)

i’m just your problem from adventure time: this ones a bit tricky since at is my favorite show of all time and i cannot detach this song from its in-show context very well but there is a very cool animatic with this song that landed it a spot on the playlist

man burning by josh ritter: almost became an animatic but the audio i wanted to use (which i recorded at a josh ritter concert and it’s just him and his guitar and there’s echo and it’s very haunting and pretty) has my stepbrother singing in the background and i could not edit it out so. that will probably not happen. but anyways the only hole i would pick in this song is that it’s mostly about self sabotage which isn’t really applicable but i think the imagery is cool

mamma mia by abba: here me out. here me out. this is another song that fits so well and i have spent so many hours thinking about this and somewhere there is a note on my phone explaining how every single line relates to c!wilbur’s entire arc from founding l’manburg to the resurrection (made when we thought gbur was going to get resurrected in january) and just. the metaphorical ‘you’ is l’manburg does this make any sense (another almost animatic except now that wilbur’s actually back it might become an actual animatic)

the other side of paradise by glass animals: no idea why this is here other than being a Dream SMP Song. it’s good tho

infinitesimal by mother mother: they saaaaay it stared with a big bang but they saaaaaaaay it came out of a small thing latelyyyyy i’ve been feeling like a big bang You Know

curses by the crane wives: had a thing drawn out for this song showing the comparisons between c!wilbur and c!niki because of the chorus and i think the last two lyrics of said chorus are the best thing about this one

lonely eyes by the front bottoms: gotta admit that i have no idea how this song got on here but i’ve come to associate it with ghostbur based on vibes alone. it’s a friendly song he’s a friendly ghost it works. the other tfb song coming up fits a bit better methinks

king of new orleans by better than ezra: not to put better than ezra on my c!wilbur playlist but like. something about the whole ‘tasing something up to let it fall’ motif makes me think

get me away from here, i’m dying by belle and sebastian: another almost animatic song (there’s a trend here). not only does the story told in this song work i like the lines ‘play me a song to set me free/nobody writes them like they used to so it may as well be me’ in relation to my l’manburg

montgomery forever by the front bottoms: certain bits and pieces of this song fit so well, specifically the chorus and those bits in the last two choruses Yeah (’montgomery forever and ever and ever and now they’re blowing it up/(x2)/as you started laughing and crying and trying to explain how all you want to do is leave’)

don’t look back in anger by oasis: out of all my almost animatic songs, this one got the furthest. the animatic, which I got pretty far in thumbnailing, was about wilbur and tommy and kind of drawing comparisons between their characters, also about the revolution in general. maybe i’ll finish that animatic one day idk 

snow by ricky montgomery: i wish i had a link for this so bad but!! saw art on twitter!! with the lyric ‘bury me six feet in snow’!! and went ahfsdjfk!!

burning pile by mother mother: a Dream SMP Song. also a jam there’s no real specific connection for this one but i think it could fit in a couple of ways

rounds by the oh hellos: in the same position as snow except it was on tumblr..... @ whoever made this comic i saw these lyrics in your brain is massive and your art is incredible

lovely by mt. eddy: on here for vibes alone. there’s something in the lyrical content too, but my thoughts in that regard are not very fleshed out

adventures in solitude by the new pornographers: ah yes..... the song that prompted this all...... this is a beautiful and incredibly well written song and if you’re going to listen to any song off of this playlist i’d encourage you to listen to this one. it’s place of here is mostly cause of the chorus but the imagery in the verses could all represent a part of c!wilbur and i’d love to explore that more

caught in the middle by paramore: obligatory paramore song. i think it got on here because limbo = ‘middle’ but i’m not quite sure. on the verge of being deleted if i can find a better pmore song

delicate by damien rice: one of the oddest songs on this list and i am well aware that it sticks out like a sore thumb. a song that’s on here pretty much because of one lyric, which is ‘and why’d you sing hallelujah/if it means nothing to you’ which i related to both eret’s betrayal and how my l’manburg is hallelujah yknow

bang! by ajr: almost animatic song. i think we all know what the bang is here

somewhere only we know by lily allen: ik i said don’t look back in anger has the most potential to get made into an animatic but this song might actually take it place. on par with adventures in solitude in terms of how pretty of a song it is, and probably even moreso. it’s kind of turned into a ghostbur song in my head, and makes me cry like an infant child every time i hear it

a pearl by mitski: i cannot defend this song’s place on here past the line ‘it’s just that i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended’

eight by sleeping at last: the official c!wilbur song needs a spot on here <3 if i can dig up the clip of cc!wilbur talking about this song in relation to his character i’ll add it but until then yeah <3

always by rilo kiley: no idea why this is on here but it fits well!! could not tell you why!! banger!!

celebration guns by stars: it’s a hauntingly beautiful song about war, and kind of one of those that necessarily isn’t about wilbur but moreso his place in the story? idk how to explain it but yes

passerine by the oh hellos: it’s. it’s from the . the fic. yeah h

oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place by bright eyes: added this after the real resurrection and i think it’s because fo the imagery? also the last verse

we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!: all i have to say is ‘i cannot emphasize enough that my body/is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel/harboring these diminishing, so called vital organs/i hope my heart goes first, i hope my heart goes first!’ has always made me think of pogtopia era wilbur :(

dead weight by jack stauber: no real connection other than eret played this song during a break during the ghostbur’s january ‘resurrection’ and i heard it and went :0

point me at lost lands by tired pony: gives me season on l’manburg vibes..... i love how free and passionate it sounds and that's p much the only reason it’s on this list haha

ghosting by mother mother: added this five seconds ago because i could not BELIEVE it was not on here. ghostbur song. mans sang it on that one stream with the reverb and everything. the lyrics ‘i will be kind and i’ll be sweet/if you stop staring straight through me’ hit particularly hard back when everyone thought that ghostbur was actually wilbur in disguise 

#oh man. oh man #this was so fun ty anon #i'll do some spell checking after i write my english paper but for now take this #wooo boy #also if i interpreted canon wrong i do apologize i am here to have fun and think about fictional character #anon #ask

[hazinhoodies]

No Use For Moonlight (T.H)

A/N: sorry for putting so many images of tom singing and him playing jack in newsies in your head, have fun with it I guess.

Warnings: tom singing, sorry

Word count: 5.8k

You sat on the floor of the black box theatre, typing away on your English assignment, as Harrison works with his partner for whatever skit he had to do. While Tom had originally been pacing the same corner of the room as he reads over the skipt for upcoming school musical auditions, he had dropped the script with a dramatic sigh and now danced around to whatever was playing through his earbuds. You look up from your computer for the first time in a while. Harrison is talking to his partner while pointing at the chair and table in the corner of the room. You can’t hear what they’re saying, only Ricky Montgomery in your ears as you bob your head along to the song through your earbuds. You look over to Tom and watch as he rounds turn after turn, you stopped counting after the fourth pirouette but he kept going for a couple more seconds before stopping, chest heaving slightly. You watch as he starts to lift up the bottom of his shirt but look back to your screen knowing that he's going to wipe his forehead with it, you don't want to get caught staring when you shouldn’t be. You're just friends, except when you're not.

Your relationship with Holland was… confusing.

Yeah sure, you guys were friends. But then every few weeks, you two couldn’t stand each other. Those times usually lasted about a week.

One whole week. A whole week of Tom being rude. A whole week of your passive aggressive remarks towards him. A whole week of Tom being a cocky asshole.  A whole week of you complaining to anyone who would listen.

If Harrison could turn off or shut either of you up for that week he would. He was stuck in the middle of it all. Every time.

But Harrison was a good friend. He was always there for you. Whether it was to tell you that you wrote down the wrong answer accidentally, or to warn you about Tom possibly being in a mood one day, he told you. You assume he did something similar for Tom. Help him memorize lines maybe? You weren’t sure. The drama and music departments didn’t cross over that much aside from the kids involved in both departments, like Harrison.

Harrison introduced you and Tom. You were twelve and it was Harrison's birthday. He’d invited you and Tom, as well as a few others. Harrison and another girl, Laura, were the only two you knew. You’d recognized Tom but only from seeing him in the halls so much, you’d never actually talked to him before.

What no one expected was for you and Tom to have gotten so close, in the short three hours, the two of you became inseparable. You still cared plenty for the other, if you hear something bad come from someone else's mouth about him then you told Tom. Not usually right as you heard it but it eventually came out.

Tom says something from next to you as he rummages through his bag for his water bottle. You barely hear it, only enough to pause your music and pull out your earbud and give Tom a look asking him to repeat himself, he does as he moves his bag over to sit next to you, popping up the straw of his water bottle. “How’s the essay comin’ along?”

You shrug, “One can only write about the metaphorical use of colour in the Great Gatsby for so long” You and Tom both let out a short laugh.

“When’s that due again?”  Tom asks sheepishly before taking a sip from his water bottle, as if to cover up his words.

“Thursday”

“Right, right, okay. Cool cool cool cool cool” There’s a brief pause between you two where Tom continues to nod and stare at the carpeted floor.

“You haven’t started have you?”

“Nope not at all.”

“Tom!”

“Hey! I’ve been busy with auditions!” Tom defends himself as you finally remove the other earbud figuring that he’s not leaving soon. “Speaking of auditions, you auditioning?”

You rummage through your bag and drop a thick spiral bound score on his lap. “I got this music over a week ago. Didn’t have to audition”

“I meant for Katherine” Tom starts to flip through through the book looking at all the music and the cues, pausing over parts that you’ve circled, “But this is good too”

“God no, I’m no actor.” You finish typing up the end of your last paragraph, quickly fixing any spelling mistakes and then shut your laptop, leaning back against the wall behind you and crossing your arms over your chest.

“But you can sing, and actings easy if you’ve got a great partner, which you would if you were Katherine” Tom continues to flip through the score, he admires how clean your writing is on some notes and how some are merely scribbled circles that he deciphered to Count.

“Getting real cocky there Holland” You warn with a small smirk on your face.

“I got nothin’ if I ain’t got this role” Tom says in a Manhattan accent, there’s no attempt made to hide the grin on his face. “I’ll be happy with whatever I get, it’d just be great to play Jack, I could do it I think”

You know he could. You have absolutely no doubt about it. You take back the score and put it back in your bag as Harrison starts to pack up his bag as well. “You two ready to go?” He asks as he slings his back pack over his shoulder.

“Yeah let’s go” You say as you start to stand up, pulling your bag over your back as well.

“Hey, can we watch Toy Story when we get to Haz’s?” Tom asks as he follows both of you out of the black box.

“We watched that last time!” You and Harrison both exclaim.

“Jeez, that’s a no then?”

Auditions were the following Friday, you sat anxiously outside of the auditorium waiting for Harrison and Tom to finish their auditions. You tried to pass the time by doing some work but you couldn’t focus on it so your theory workbook sat open on your lap while you scrolled through Instagram. Harrison had his audition before Tom did, you didn’t expect either of them to do poorly but you still felt relief wash over you when Haz walked towards you with a pleasant grin and even more when he told you it went great. You pulled him into a quick tight hug and voiced your joy before the two of you sat back down, light conversation flowing between you while you wait for Tom.

Half an hour later, Tom comes out of the auditorium and you and Harrison both stand up, almost falling over as you do. Tom has never been easy to read, especially after auditions. He’s definitely not smiling but you may see a bit of excitement and joy etched somewhere in his expression. You can’t really be sure, even after all these years of knowing him. He looks up at you and Harrison who look at him expectantly and Tom has the audacity to wave and say, “Hey guys”

“So?” You ask, nearly shouting. Tom stops about a foot short of you and Harrison before answering.

“My voice cracked but other than that it went really well” A smile finally break on his lips but you miss it as you wrap your arms around his neck and his around your waist with a small ‘oof’ followed by a chuckle

“I’m so proud of you” You say, muffled by his shoulder. You feel his hand run up and down your back and you squeeze tighter for a moment to return the sentiment.

“Thanks.” It’s quiet and under his breath and you hardly even heard it but it was there.

A week later casting had been released and sure enough, Tom had seized the role of Jack. And he was perfect for it. He had the charisma, the passion and the stage presence to put on a good show. He was a good singer, sure but definitely needed a bit more training to get the power needed, that’d come along eventually though, and Tom was never one to shy away from a challenge.

You got to see none of the progress of the show and Tom refused to tell you any of it, he wanted to save it so that you could experience it for yourself. The band joins the rehearsals during tech week, prior to that they get about four rehearsals together. That’s it. Four rehearsals, then joining the cast for three more, then shows start. There’s more shows than there are rehearsals and it’s extremely stressful but you’ve had the music for nearly three months already and band rehearsals haven’t even started yet. You’re set, you continue to work on it on your own, partially to make sure that you know the music an partially because it’s fun to play.

You’re sitting in a practice room during lunch one day, four instruments set up in the small room with you as you go over the part for King Of New York again. A knock on the practice room door makes you stop and listen for a moment, unsure if you actually heard it or not. The second knock comes a second later and you open the door to see Tom on the other side, a sheepish smile on his face as he holds up the script to Newsies. You wanted to shut the door in his face, you really did. Not that he had done anything wrong but it was just one of those weeks where you were so unbelievably irritated with him for seemingly no reason.

“Go away I’m working” You say, not moving from the door but keeping it open.

“Doing what?” Tom asks.

“Practicing! For your show, might I add.” You say as you roll your eyes, slumping back down in your and leaning back. Tom picks up the flute that occupies the other chair in the room and hands it to you as he hesitantly sits down and closes the door while you put the flute on its stand.

“We both know that you know your part inside out, upside down and backwards Y/N. Besides, I need help with lines and Harrison isn’t here” He pleads.

“You know, somewhere out there, someone cares. Go tell them!” Maybe a bit of a dick line but you don’t feel bad for it right now, you'll apologize when you aren’t unbelievably annoyed with him. God, it bothers you that the hate weeks, as you’ve titled them, don’t line up this time. You hate that you’re mad at him and he’s not mad at you and truth be told that just makes you mad at yourself more than anything.

“Please, it’s just one scene and then I’ll be out of your hair until you don’t hate me anymore”

“Fine. What scene is it?” You take the script from his hands and flip to the green sticky note he points to. “Start at ‘three boys to a bed’ please” You pause for a moment and look for the line before starting. You may not be a drama major but you know to at least try and get in character, if you read this absolutely monotonous then Tom might as well have asked the wall to help him. So with as much Katherine Pulitzer energy you can muster, you read out the lines from the script.

“Is this really what it’s like in there? Three boys to a bed, rats everywhere and vermin…”

“What, a little different from where you were raised?” Tom replies in his Manhattan accent, teeth clenched. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a little shocked by how quickly he slipped into character. You look up at him before saying thee next line, only to be met with the same angry and restrained aggression you heard in his voice mimicked in his expression.

“Snyder told my father that you were arrested for stealing food and clothing. This is why, isn’t it? You stole to feed those boys.” You look up at him again, already mostly knowing the scene from how many time you’d seen the show on your own, the script there as a crutch if you need it. You gather as much sympathy and understanding as you can in your tone, a stark contrast to his before you switch to confusion, your voice louder than before. “I don’t understand if you were willing to go to jail for those boys, how could you turn your back on them now!?”

“Oh I do not think you are one to talk about turnin’ on folks!” Tom stands up from his chairs and you do the same as you start your line.

“I never turned on you or anyone else”

“Oh no you didn’t you just double-crossed us to your father. Your father!” He’s shouting now, fully in character at this point.

“My father has eyes on every corner in this city!” You’re shouting too, thankful that the practice rooms are mostly sound proof. “He doesn’t need me spying for him. And I never lied. I didn’t tell you everything.” You finish as your voice comes back down to a reasonable volume.

Tom lets out an angry sigh somewhere between a sign and a grunt, teeth still clenched. “If you weren’t a girl you would be tryna talk with a fist in your mouth” Tom turns away slightly and leans against the wall, staring at a ceiling tile.

“I told you that I worked for the Sun, and I did. I told you my professional name is Plumber and it is. You never asked for my real one.”

Tom turns around rapidly, “I wouldn’t think I had to! Unless I knew i was dealing with a backstabber!” He takes another step towards you.

You scoff “Oh and if I was a boy you’d be looking at me through one swollen eye” You step forward as well and hold your fist up like you know Katherine does in the scene. Tom doesn’t say anything though. He doesn't follow up with the next line. You watch as his expression slips out of anger, his eyes soften. He breathes in as if to follow up with the line but his breath gets caught in his throat.

You feel his hand brush against your waist hesitantly a few times, as if he can’t decide if he should go through with it or not before you finally feel the warmth of his skin through your shirt. The room is silent. Only the sound of light even breathing between the two of you for five seconds. Five egregiously long seconds. His other hand grabs your wrist and moves your fist from under his chin until your palm is flat against his shoulder. You and Tom are pretty much chest to chest at this point, both anxiously waiting for the other to move or to make a sound. You realize that you’re not angry at him right now, all the annoyance you had with him had dissipated in this moment.

Tom moves first, leaning in. Both of you close your eyes and his lips falter against your own before a chapped and hesitant kiss followed by a slightly more confident one that you return. There's a pause between the two of you after you both pull away, a couple seconds where you let what just happened really sink in while trying to process it.

“Are you okay?” Tom asks, his accent is some weird mix of New York and his normal one.

“Yeah yeah. I’m okay.” You stumble over your words a bit. “I should probably get back to practicing though. King of New York is actually tough”

“Yeah for sure. I’ll let you get back to it.” Tom opens the door and leaves. He wishes he said another thing. Thanks maybe? You did help him with his lines. Or maybe sorry? He’s not really sure, so he just walks back to the black box, mentally cursing himself.

Tom wouldn’t sing any of the songs for you. Correction, any of his songs for you. Even though you were dying to hear the progress on Santa Fe, he refused, he wanted you to hear it when it was nearly finished, if he could hold off on it until the first show he would. Meanwhile Harrison would sing any song any chance he got, even if Davey wasn’t in them he still would.

“C’mon Tom you’re gonna have to sing it for me at some point” You slump against the locker next to his, your clarinet case hitting your knees as you do so.

“Yeah. Tech week” Tom teases with a smirk, “I already told you, you have to wait. Last time you heard me sing it was like five months ago, you’ll be blown away by the difference, trust me”

“Ugh. You are so annoying” Tom only shrugs and you roll your eyes and turn to Harrison who hadn’t even reached the two of you yet. “Haz make him sing for me”

“Can’t do that darling, he’s persistent” Harrison puts a hand on your shoulder when you sigh, miffed.

“What if I start playing the opening. Then what?”

“You’ll be vamping forever Y/n you don’t want to do that”

“Harrison hold this please.” Harrison holds his hands up as you put the clarinet case in his hands and put the instrument together as quickly as you can.

“Y/n you’re so dramatic.” You don’t respond, you just play the intro to Santa Fe, which is only two repeated notes. Tom cocks his head and looks at you as if to say really? “Why are you like this? If I sing you’ll stop?” You nod and Tom sighs, finally giving in.

“Folks we finally got a headline, ‘Newsies crushed as Bulls attack!’ Crutchies calling me, dumb crips just too damn slow” You continue to play even after he stopped singing. “That’s all you get, you said if I sang, you’d stop, and I sang.”

You roll your eyes again and pack up your instrument, thanking Harrison for holding the case when you take it from his hands. Tom closes his locker and the three of you head your separate ways for class

Tech week had arrived. The start of the most stressful week of the year for anyone involved with the musical. You were sitting in the pit warming up your third of five instruments along with the other musicians while the actors did their vocal warm ups onstage. Your spot in the pit allowed you to see onstage if you looked far enough to your left but only for parts that you weren’t playing in. You definitely wouldn’t be able to see your music and the conductor and the play at the same time. The amount of instruments and stands you have around you has to be some sort of safety hazard but that’s what happens when you have to play five instruments on one part. You’re looking over one part in Seize The Day when a trumpet plays next to your ear, spooking you enough to stop playing. Your friend Laura, being the source, sits in the spot behind you.

“That’s not where you sit” You joke as she leans forwards, elbows on her knees.

“Yeah but I haven’t seen you in a while and I missed you.” She shakes her head at you like it’s obvious.

“Hey! It’s not my fault you went to Aruba for a week”

“Yeah but before that it’s Tom and Harrison’s fault for stealing you from me all the time”  Laura laughs.

“They tend to do that apparently”

“Are you and Tom anything yet?” She asks blatantly.

“No. Why would we be anything?” You ask her back and she deadpans at you.

“You’re kidding right? You kissed in practice room.”

“Would you keep it down? He kissed me and it meant nothing”

“You kissed back and went red as a cherry when you told me”

“And still wish I hadn’t”

“You seen Cindy recently?” She asks. Cindy was playing Katherine and seemed to be having difficulty separating her character from herself, meaning that she is absolutely obsessed with Tom currently and thinks he’s just as enamoured with her.

“Hard not to. Anytime I look up she’s practically hanging off Tom. It’s like if she’s not within his sight, she’ll suffocate.” You roll your eyes. Cindy is nice. Kinda. Most of the time. But she just annoys you. More than anyone else like her has annoyed you. You hate how she treats people that she doesn’t like like they’re scum. She’s a classic Regina George type. Except you think that her getting hit by a bus wouldn’t solve any of her issues with her, maybe it’d make her voice less pitchy and annoying though.

“We can only hope” Laura says, making both of you laugh as she gets up and goes back to her seat.

About an hour and a half into the rehearsal you finally got to hear Tom sing Santa Fe and it gave your whole body chills. He’d found the power and hit the dynamic and emotion he needed, you might’ve started crying if you were watching the show. Tom and Harrison’s dynamic as Jack and Davey made you laugh, even while playing. You loved watching them together, even if you weren’t watching them you could still hear it and picture it in your head, you’ve known the boys long enough that you could probably guess what expressions they wore.

You couldn’t ignore the feeling that hit you a few different times during the show though. The unsettling, sickly, make-you-want-to-curl-up-in-a-ball feeling hit you more than once during the show but was definitely the worst during Something To Believe In. It makes you stiffen and for the first time in years your fingers fumble over the notes you’re supposed to be playing and you don’t have nearly as much air support as you need. The short version is that you sound bad. You’re messing up a part that is super exposed, it’s the only interesting thing happening behind the vocals and now it’s missing and if the gut feeling you already had was bad enough now your cheeks have gone bright red and the embarrassment has set in. Laura looks at you from across the pit, wordlessly asking you what’s wrong. You can only shrug while trying to redeem your note. Your part comes to its end and the conductor gives you that look. The one that tells you to work on it, you can only nod.

You run through it again right at the start of the break and it comes out perfectly.

“What happened?” Laura asks as you put the flute back on its stand.

“No clue. I’m getting water though.” You stand up, grabbing your water bottle as you do and precariously step around the plethora of instruments around you, Laura following. “It was so weird. This feeling in my stomach just kept growing more and more, to the point where I almost couldn’t breath. It happened a couple other times but that one was definitely the worst”

“When else did it happen?” Laura leans against the wall next to the fountain as you fill up your water bottle.

“Uh Jacks interview with Katherine, right before the ‘am I scared, ask me tomorrow’ line-”

“When Jack is being super suggestive”

“Yeah there. And the ‘the only thing I’m following is a story’ bit.” You shrug and take a few sips from your water bottle before filling up what you just drank and closing it, only to see Laura with a knowing grin on her face. “Oh no. What’s that look for.”

“You’re jealous.” Laura declares with a wiggle of her brow

“I am not jealous!” You guys start talking over each other.

“You totally are jealous!”

“Am not! What would I even have to be jealous of?”

“Cindy!”

“I don’t want anything that Cindy Dunn has”

“You want Tom”

“I don’t want Tom!” You nearly shout the last line. “Besides we would be horrible together. We get at each others throats too much. The amount of times I’ve called him an ass to his face and even more to Harrison? We’d be doomed” You and Laura start to walk back into the auditorium.

“Oh no. Y/n is yearning. We can’t let anyone know!” Laura jokes and you can only roll your eyes in response. “If you guys just figured out how to talk over things then you would be really great together. I can see it!”

“Laura, that's a huge ‘if’. We’ve been like this since we met. It’ll take a lot of time and energy that I’m not going to put in unless he does as well and he doesn’t like me like that so why would he?”

“I see how much you hate arguing with him” Laura starts to walk back towards the stage and thee pit, lowering her voice as you guys get within earshot of the people on stage, mainly Tom and Harrison. “I’m sure he hates it just as much”

“Who hates what now?” Tom comes to a bouncing stop next to the two of you, rolling up to the balls of his feet and then back down- the poor boy could never stop moving really.

“Uhm. My brother. He hates our- our dads um stew. Yup. Stew” Laura says with a semi confident nod tacked onto the end of the sentence which was anything but confident. “I’m gonna go over there now” Without another beat, Laura turns and goes back to her spot in the pit.

Tom decides to not ask any questions about what just happened, all three of you know that that didn’t work and Laura’s face is still bright red as she sits down.

“So did ya hear Santa Fe?” Tom asks

“No I must’ve missed that part” You respond with absolutely no hesitation on your part and a mostly straight face.

“You’re annoying. Tell me what you think.” Tom starts to poke at your arm, pulling a smile from you.

“Why do you wanna know?”

“Because I value your opinion. Duh” You roll your eyes, ignoring the small flip in your stomach. The look Tom gives you causes tons more of those same flips. Brown eyes wide, and caring, and hopeful, and endless. You think you could stare in them for forever and never get bored.

“I know what you wanna hear. Yes I got chills” Toms face breaks into a wide smile. “And Seize The Day made me tear up a little”

“‘Some day becomes somehow’” Tom asks, quoting the line he thinks caused you to tear up. You nod. “You always cry at that part”

“I can’t help it! It’s pretty! Stop bullying me, go bother Harrison instead”

“Whatever you say Y/n” Tom chuckles, poking your arm once again as he hops back up onto the stage.

From what you knew, Tom and Cindy only actually kissed on the last tech rehearsal, but it was easy to ignore it. As long as you didn’t look, you would be fine. You could manage that, right? Yeah. You could avoid looking and then your stomach wouldn’t tighten and your head wouldn’t spin.

The first show had gone swimmingly so far, the crowd was good, you were doing great, and you hadn’t let the thoughts of Tom and Cindy infest your mind yet. Anytime you felt they were getting too strong, you’d look over to Laura and she’d do something stupid when she noticed you looking, making you smile and ease your mind a little bit. What you hadn’t anticipated was the crowd's reaction during the shows. You knew the kiss was coming up, you knew the dialogue leading up to it and you and Laura wordlessly chatted throughout most of it, neither of you having to play. But then there was that split moment of silence, no dialogue, nothing, then the crowd cheering. Your breath hitched in your throat so abruptly that you had to let out a small cough, hoping that the audience wouldn’t notice.

It got easier, for the most part. You had created mental cues for when you should focus more on your music and how you sound, hopefully letting the kiss and the audiences reaction fall to the back of your mind while you were playing. It didn’t really hit you that the shows were over until you were playing the bows and exit music for the last time. The uproar of applause towards the end when you knew Tom and Harrison walked out always brought a smile to your face. You were so proud of them, truthfully. They were your best friends.

That night most of the cast and band gathered in Harrison’s living room to celebrate the end of the shows. You were all sitting in a circle playing paranoia and carrying on casual conversation when someone used Tom as their answer for one. It hadn’t occurred to you until then that he wasn’t in the circle.

“I’ll go find him” Cindy starts to stand up from her place on the floor, almost losing her balance as she does so. The person next to her reaches a hand out to try and stablazie her.

“Cindy it’s okay, I’ve got it” You stand up from your spot on the couch, between Harrison and Laura who shuffle closer together to take up the space you had just emptied. As you leave the circle, you miss the glare that Cindy sends you but Laura sends her a dirtier one back.

You already had a hunch about where Tom would be. You, him and Harrison would often find your way there when you were bored or you needed a break from the world. You push open the slightly ajar door to Harrisons room and look out the window. Sure enough Tom is there, sitting on the roof, all alone. You quietly push the door shut and head towards the window as well.

“Whatcha doin out here all alone?” You say as you climb out the window into the brisk night air.

Tom turns to look at you upon hearing your voice as you settle in the spot next to him. He shrugs. “Just wanted to be alone for a bit, away from everyone.”

“Do you want me to go then or can we be alone together?” Tom lets out an airy laugh.

“You can stay” You beam at him and he smiles back, handing you part of the blanket that was around his shoulders so that now you’re both protected from the chill.

Tom’s arm is warm against yours, you find yourself leaning into heat that he provides, your head slowly falling onto his shoulder. You stay like that for a while, overlooking Harrison’s backyard and watching the moon and stars in silence.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” Tom pipes up, making you raise your head off his shoulder so that you can look at him, brows furrowed together.

“Where did this come from?” Tom’s eyes break away from yours and back to the stars.

“I don't know. I’m just curious”

“I’m not sure. I’d like to think it’s real, but I haven’t experienced it to know if it is.” You can’t ignore the way you feel Tom’s torso slump slightly at your response. “Do you?”

Tom only nods and then the two of you fall silent again, eventually laying back on the rooftop.

“I got no use for moonlight” Tom starts to sing quietly, as if just for you. “Or sappy poetry. Love at first sights for suckers”

“At least it used to be” You sing with him. Tom hums the next to lines on his own before singing the third.

“But I never planned on no one, like you” You fall silent again, peaceful smiles. Tom takes in a quick breath, you hear it and feel it, but he doesn't say anything immediately after. It takes a moment before words come out “I really like you Y/n. I have since I met you. Since we were twelve”

You don’t know how to respond at first. You run through a billion different things to say in your head and none of them seem to fit the way you want them to. When you realize how Tom must be feeling you start to panic a little more. Finally and answer slips out. “Sucker”

“It used to be for suckers!” Tom defends himself with laugh. “Gonna tell me if you feel the same? Or that you at least hate arguing with me?”

“You heard my entire conversation with Laura didn’t you?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“Oh you mean the one where her brother hates her dad’s cooking? Yeah she’s not very quiet and is horrible at lying. It is so bad” Both of you can’t contain the bright laughs that ring out into the open air.

“So what if I do like you back? Then what?” You mumble.

Tom sits up slightly looking over at you. “So just to clarify you do like me”

“I didn’t say if I did or didn’t i just asked you what would happen if I did” You and Tom nearly talk over each other, wide smiles still plastered on your faces.

“Well I’m gonna need an answer that way I can show you what would happen”

“Well I do” You admit.

“You do?” Tom asks and you barely even start nodding before his lips are on you, soft and sweet like they were in the practice room, but this time you’re smiling into the kiss and it tastes like remnants of his throat coat tea and his post performance gatorade that he always had. His hand finds its way to your cheek and yours to the back of his neck, you ignore the uncomfortable cramp in your neck from the awkward position you’re in. Soon enough but also way sooner than you would’ve liked, Tom pulls away.

“You snuck up on me Tom.” You say, catching him slightly off guard. “It was really weird, because I loved being your friend and then suddenly when we were sixteen it just wasn’t enough anymore”

“Well, I’ll take you on a proper date next week to make up for lost time, yeah?” Tom takes your hand in his as he lies back down and rests it on his stomach.

“I’m up for whatever you got in store. Though we're gonna need to work on that arguing issue” You settle in with your head on Tom’s chest

“We will, for now lets just enjoy my pent house in the sky” Tom flips back on the Manhatten accent.

“You mean Harrisons rooftop?” You question.

“My penthouse. In the sky”

“Whatever you say loser”

tags: 

@hjosterfield @softholand @dahliaspidey @thequeensardine @counting-eyerolls @osterfieldholland01 @happymagicbee @artemisiaarm @moonlitswims @headsup-itsmostlypeter @bitchymathematician @melsbooktrash @ixchel-9275 @tommyhollandaisesauce @spideyyypeter @starlightfound @honeyyhuggs @nedthegay @ohyouremymedicine @awkwardfangirl2014 @badhollandfluff @soccerstud004 @nokiaholland @itseightbeats @miraculousmckenzie​ @worldoftom​ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @thegirlwiththeimpala​ @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @tomzfrog​ @unbelievableholland @keithseabrook27​ @yo-sugg​

add yourself ot my taglist here

#tom holland #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland x you #Tom Holland x yn #Tom Holland fluff #whoops sorry I didn't proofread much

[teachercrushprince]

December tc challenge UwU

I copied this from @nightowl-luna UwU

1) what color is your tc’s hair?

It’s dirty blonde, nothing special XD

2) is your tc married?

He isn’t married but has a boyfriend.

3) if yes, do you care? would you do something with them regardless of their marriage?

Even if he wasn’t in a relationship I wouldn’t do anything because I wouldn’t want to put him in a position where he’d be uncomfortable and could lose his job, I care to much about him.

4) what’s your worst memory with your tc?

Probably anytime I have gotten angry and yelled at him and stormed out of class he never seemed to think of me any different though because I always came back to class and apologised, I usually was really upset when stuff like that happened.

5) what’s your best memory with your tc?

I actually have quite alot of great memories with him but probably without saying too much about myself or him it was when I was working on one of my main pieces to pass my class.

6) does anyone in your school know how you feel?

Only a really close friend at the time knew, but It’s kind of obvious that I liked him now that I think hopefully him and no one else could tell or knew I liked him.

7) does your tc know how you feel?

Nope and I kind of hope he won’t ever find out, the only way he’d find out is if he somehow found this blog.

8) do you think there’s any chance your tc reciprocates your feelings?

No he probably thinks of me as another student, and he probably would never feel the same since I’m way younger then him.

9) are you getting your tc a christmas present? if so, what is it?

I can’t since I no longer see him (I’m in college now)

10) have you ever flirted with your tc?

I probably have attempted to in the past but I’m really bad at flirting.

11) how long have you had a crush on them? what began it all?

Well it started around 2017-2018 I think, I initially denied it and just brushed it off as a silly little crush that would eventually fade, unsurprisingly It didn’t fade at all so I made this blog in hopes it would help me vent out my feeling from him and they’d fade in time but the feeling I have for him haven’t faded at all for me, honestly I don’t know what began it all maybe it was because he is and this is awkward to say but he is my type, also he kind of remined me of this actor I really like (same mannerisms and stuff), he was really sweet towards me too.

12) do you believe you’ll get over them shortly after you stop taking their class/have the chance to spend time with them?

Seeing as its been a year since I last had his class I don’t think I ever will get to spend time with him again as a student, I have seen him outside of a school setting earlier this year and we caught up and talked for about 10-15ish minutes or so but that was by coincidence that we were in the same shop.

13) what kind of grades do you get in their class?

I got pretty good grades in his class, mainly since I listened the most during his classes and payed attention and due to the fact he taught my favourite subject.

14) does your tc ever do any tiny, little things that you adore?

I honestly don’t know what to write here since I just adored alot of the tiny thing he did.

15) are you their favorite student?

In all honesty I think I defiantly was one of his favourites, I usually made sure to make an effort of talk to him outside of classes and stuff.

16) do you two share any tastes? movies, books, music, etc.

We both liked musicals, I got him into my favourite genre of shows/movies (not naming it since I don’t want to share much info about myself on here), we both liked similar tv shows and movies, we even gave each other tv and movie recommendations.

17) is your teacher religious?

Nope.

18) do you masturbate to them?

Why is this a question this is too personal for anyone too share.

19) do you communicate with them outside of school?

No unfortunately.

20) do you have any tc songs or songs you relate to your tc? what are they?

I don’t really but I listen to songs that make me think about him and I recently found out that the song Line without a hook by Ricky Montgomery makes me think about him alot.

21) what’s your favorite thing your tc has said/memory you have with them?

Nothing really stands out to me since most of my favourite things he’s said to me and favourite memories are small and feel to special and personal for me to share on here.

22) do you plan to continue a relationship with them after you leave school?

I do have his email but I’ve felt too awkward to ever send him one, maybe I’ll follow him on instagram at some point when I get the courage too.

23) how will you deal during the summer? will you see him/her?

I go to college now and don’t see him anymore so I just tend to deal with it and live my life and try to remind myself that it’s just a crush and nothing more.

24) does your tc support gay rights?

Well yeah he’s openly LGBT

25) what class do you have with them? And what period? Do you have them every day?

He was my art teacher and tutor at one point, we had him for most of the week except one day out of the whole week for art, but when he was tutor I saw him every day

26) have you ever drifted out during a lecture thinking about them and missed information?

It’s multiple times in one lesson before it doesn’t help that I get distracted easily.

27) have you stalked them online? what did you find out?

I did find his instagram and didn’t find out much except he posts quite alot on there.

28) have you ever run into them outside of schools? what happened?

It happened once this year and I got kind of anxious since I wasn’t expecting to see him while I was out with my friend, especially since I had been talking about him to my friend earlier that day.

29) has your tc ever spoken of teacher-student relationships? what did they say?

Nope.

30) do you regret telling anyone about your tc? if you’ve kept it a secret, why have you done so?

I regret telling one of my friends because she is now able to tease me about the time we ran into him and how I reacted.

This took way longer then I expected but I’ve managed to complete it XD

Happy hoildays everyone

#teacher crush #teachercrush #teacher x student #teachercrushcommunity #teacher #art teacher