#maybe someday i will write about something other than these three. but no promises

[wordsonamission]

hi! can I request Icemav 7 of 14 for the kiss prompts please?

Thanks so much! Sorry for the delay, these ran away with me and got a lot longer than I had originally planned. I hope you like what I ended up writing!

7 – Forehead against forehead

Ice usually found these sorts of places vaguely claustrophobic. A bit rich, coming from someone who made a career out of living with thousands in a floating sardine can, but there was a difference between carrier living and the way that a club’s atmosphere affected every one of his senses. The throb of the music’s bass reverberated in his stomach, the strobing lights gave him a headache, and the endless crush of bodies touching and sweating and writhing together was sensory overload hell.

He retreated out to the patio. His fingers itched to reach for the pack of cigarettes that he no longer carried. A promise was a promise, and he couldn’t go back on a pinkie promise to someone as doe eyed as seven-year-old Bradley Bradshaw. The boy was right, it was a dangerous and disgusting habit, but Ice had always needed something to fiddle between his fingers and the nicotine took a nice edge off of situations like this. Thankfully there were only a couple of smokers on the patio to tempt him with the scent.

“Wolf said I’d find you out here.”

Ice rolled his eyes but didn’t turn. He hoped the night sky would hide the flush on his cheeks that bloomed every time Maverick tucked himself into Ice’s personal space so confidently.

“There’s a bit too much going on in there,” Ice admitted finally. “And it’s not like I want to watch Wolf and Wood go at it in public like that. They have no decency.”

Maverick snorted. “That’s fair. But they’re really happy.” Ice pretended not to hear the wistfulness in his tone.

 “Of all of us, I’m surprised that they’re the first to get out,” Ice said as Maverick stayed silent.

“Wood said he didn’t think he’d pass the sight test anymore.” Mav’s voice was down to nearly a whisper. “But while I guess that could be true, it’s gonna be a lot easier for both of them if they aren’t living with threat of dishonorable discharge dangling over their head every day.”

Ice wet his suddenly dry lips. Now he was the one scanning to make sure they weren’t being overheard. The four other people on the patio weren’t paying any attention, three were chatting with each other and the fourth was heading back inside. Still, his jaw ticked. “There’s always risk.”

“They can actually live together,” Maverick breathed, watching Ice’s face closely.

Ice squirmed under the attention, twisting his lips downward bitterly. “Just because they’re out of the military, that doesn’t mean they’re safe. You know that as well as I do.”

“Still,” Maverick shrugged, “it’s a chance.” He wet his lips, looking up at Ice through his lashes. “D’you think we’ll ever get a chance?”

Ice’s heart lurched. The words were right on the tip of his tongue – no, they wouldn’t ever get to live the way they wanted. Unless a lot of things changed about society, their love would always have to be a dirty little secret, the ticking time bomb that threatened their security and happiness. But Maverick was a dreamer and lived so fearlessly. He was more uncomfortable living a lie than he was afraid of the consequences of being caught. Ice envied his courage and didn’t have the strength to deny his hopes.

“I don’t know, Mav. Maybe someday.”

Pain flashed across Maverick’s face but he hid it well. He nodded to himself as much as to Ice, dropping his gaze to the concrete. He kicked at a couple of cigarette butts with the toe of his boot and hunched his shoulders as if he was suddenly cold.

Grumbling a curse, Ice stepped forward and grabbed Maverick’s elbow. Mav startled, off-balance, and looked up in shock. Ice knocked their foreheads together gently, lingering a bit too long as warmth seeped between their skin. The contact was as sweet as any kiss and carried just as much heady promise. Maverick inhaled on a shuddering breath and clutched at Ice’s sleeve to hold him close.

“I hope so,” Ice confessed, his voice raw and ragged. “God, I hope so.”

Ice bunted his jaw against Maverick’s temple before he stepped away. One last point of searing contact. If anyone had been watching them closely, they might have seen how Ice’s lips briefly connected with Maverick’s hairline. Or they might have seen how Maverick squeezed Ice’s arm before releasing his white-knuckle grip. But no one was paying attention, so they were safe for another day.

14 – Kissing under the stars

 The waves rushed in and out over the sand, their ebb and flow as predictable and soothing as a cat’s purr. Maverick lost himself to the sound and let himself float. Everything hurt, despite the painkillers he had been forced to take, lest he be forced to endure the wrath of Ice’s infamous Disappointed Eyebrow. The meds gave him a floaty head and slowed his reflexes in exchange for turning down the brightness of the agony along his spine.

The canvas beach lounger next to him creaked. Ice made as few concessions to his age as possible, but conceding that it was easier to stand up from an actual chair than directly from the sand was one of them. He retaliated by keeping one foot off of the lounger, his toes buried in the sand, as he turned the pages of his book.

“Light's going,” Maverick said into the comfortable quiet between them. The sunset was faded to its final orange and pink blush. He watched as the color danced across the water’s surface. Maybe the pills were stronger than he thought.

Ice hummed thoughtfully but didn’t look up. Maverick knew from experience that he could read with very little light. And no, that was not the reason for his glasses, though they’d had that argument before. Maverick didn’t want to hear about how white pages reflected light and knew that Ice wouldn’t bear any repeating of the electronic reader discussion, so he just laughed and watched the water glitter while listening to Ice’s steady breathing.

There had been a while when it didn’t seem like they’d get to have these quiet moments ever again. Cancer was a bitch, treatment for it was somehow worse, and Maverick couldn’t help but throw himself into dangerous situations just to feel some sort of control. But now Ice was firmly into remission and Maverick was home. He tried not to think about the fact that they would both be retired within the year. Ice had earned the rest and the proper send-off. It was Maverick who didn’t feel ready.

Time slipped away like the grains is sand that he carded between his fingers. The temperature dropped precipitously without the sun, reminding him that it was November. Even sunny San Diego conceded that it was best to spend a few months of the year with cooler weather. Maverick found the edge of coolness exhilarating, but the night air would make Ice cough.

Ice, in tune to Maverick’s moods as usual, sighed and put down his book. His face tipped up to the sky, watching as a few stars poked through the purply dark of the urban night sky.

 “Light pollution ruins the view,” Ice grumbled.

“We should spend some time at the hangar,” Maverick agreed. “You’d love the sky out there.”

Ice hummed again. Maverick laughed softly. Dragging a beach creature like Ice that far away from water always took some extra special coaxing.

Maverick pushed up off the sand and straddled Ice’s lap, pressing his sandy palms against Ice’s cheeks. Ice raised an eyebrow and smirked but didn’t complain. His hands rose automatically to Maverick’s hips, absently sneaking up under his shirt to press on bare skin.

 “Wanna head in?”

 Ice shook his head. “The view’s too pretty to leave yet,” he purred, smirk deepening as Maverick blushed. More than thirty years together and his flattery still went straight to Maverick’s heart.

“Surely you don’t mean this,” Maverick said, gesturing to his face. “I’ve been called out for being an old man more in the last couple of weeks than I’ve heard in the last couple of years. It’s starting to get to my head.”

“You’re not old, you’re experienced. Those hotshot children haven’t lived long enough to know the difference.”

Maverick grinned. “Look at you. Mr. Iceman, gone all soft and sweet.” He rubbed his sandy thumbs into Ice’s stubble, just to make him complain about the itch.

“Still incorrigible, I see,” Ice snorted. He seized the back of Maverick’s neck and drew him down to kiss. Maverick leaned into the embrace, relishing their easy give and take. Ice kissed confidently and touched Maverick in exactly the right way to have them both panting in no time.

“We’d better go in,” Maverick said regretfully, “or someone’s gonna complain.”

 “Who?” asked Ice, gesturing to the empty beach. “It’s just us.”

“It’s getting cold. And we have much more comfortable furniture in the house.”

 “That’s true.” Ice pretended to consider the options with all the gravity of his four-star status. “I suppose the suggestion has merit.”

The only warning Maverick got was a playful glimmer in Ice’s eyes before he pinched Maverick’s waist, making him squawk and fall off of Ice’s lap back into the sand.

“I can’t believe you actually did that!” Maverick complained, feigning displeasure. Ice just laughed, heaving himself out of the chair.

“The fastest way to get you moving is to give you the right motivation,” Ice deadpanned gravely. “Now come on, let’s take this discussion inside.”

Maverick leered and made a great show of snapping his beach towel against Ice’s butt in retaliation, even though he knew that the heavy put-upon sigh was going to be the only response he got. Sobering fast, his step faltered as he followed Ice up the beach with their stuff to the house.

Their house, where they shared the same bed every night. Friends visited them there openly and the address was listed on their Navy paperwork. It was no secret that they were in love and that they were married.  There were some benefits to the passage of time, and Maverick would take some aches and pains if it meant that he no longer had to hide how much he loved Ice.

#icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun fic #wordsonamission writes

[ofstoriesandstardust]

what they’ll say about us (j.h.s.)

a/n: this is my new hockey AU! i danced and ice skated as a kid but was only ever able to do it recreationally and i know nothing about hockey so this has taken some research but there is still going to be inaccuracies. please bear with me! a lot of this will be explained as the story progresses but in order to understand this story, you need to know that the reader is Bradley Bradshaw’s little sister. Goose lives but Carole dies of cancer when Bradley was 8. Goose left the Navy to care for his kids, but Maverick and Ice stayed & are still in the Navy at the time of this story (me writing Icemav in again lol). also, Charlie had a promising ice skating career that she gave up for her contract work - she ends up re-locating in San Diego to work as a coach. Cyclone is ex-Navy and coaches a hockey team (because I said so). that should be everything; please enjoy!!

summary: (Re-)Meeting Jake Seresin and every moment after. 

touch | main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist | house of gold masterlist 

warnings: food mentions, mentions of depression, parent death, cheating, i did research but i still made shit up anyways

word count: 2,354

The cool bite of the air around the ice nips at your skin as you push away from the edge of the rink, calling out for your duo partner. He turns, offering you a grin. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite Bradshaw.”

You smirk, accepting his hug as you glide over to him.

Just three months younger than you, you and Tyler had skated in the rink together forever, it seems like. There wasn’t a day since you had started skating in the first place where the two of you hadn’t skated together, whether it was competitive or performative or just for fun. 

Off the rink, the two of you had known each other since you were in diapers practically. Bradley befriending Natasha Trace on the first day of kindergarten had meant the Trace and Bradshaw families were fast friends. 

Tyler had been an ever-present constant. His family had been there since your Mom’s cancer diagnosis, even though you were far too young to remember those years, and everything that came after. It was his family who had suggested you take your ballet training and put it towards something useful when you got diagnosed with depression at just 11. It had been you Tyler had come out to when you were 16. 

As you had gotten older though, as your skills progressed, your coach, Charlotte Blackwood, had pulled you for more solo performances every year. She talked a big game, planting ideas of the Olympics and national titles into your head, much to your father’s dismay. She knew you had the most potential when you stepped out on the ice alone, commanding everyone’s attention to you and you alone. 

Meaning that this year would be the first time in a few years that the two of you would skate a competitive piece together, along with a solo piece. When Charlie had told you the news, calling to schedule the practices, you had been thrilled.

You hadn’t seen Tyler as much as you would’ve liked over the last year, focusing more on your routine that would end up making you one of the highest-ranked skaters in the state of California than you did anything else, including your graduation from high school. 

Charlie always told you to have your eye on the prize, to think long-term, and you knew exactly what long-term she was thinking of.

Charlie didn’t need to know just yet that somewhere eulogy the way your long-term had diverged from hers, a whole new goal on the horizon. 

“How was New York?” You ask, pulling away from him. 

He shrugs. “You know how it is.” 

You laugh, reaching out to nudge his shoulder. “Actually, I don’t know how it is. Never been to New York, remember?” 

He gives a half-shrug as he grins. “Well, maybe you will someday soon. You still thinking about Juilliard?” 

You nod. “Yes, but shush about that in front of my brother. And Charlie. No one knows I’ve been talking to one of their scouts. It’s a surprise.” 

He tilts his head. “Surprise or secret?”

“Secret.” You say, giving him a look. “And we aren’t discussing Juilliard anymore, so quit asking me about it.” 

He sighs, nodding as he accepts your statement. “Speaking of your brother, I heard from Nat that the team’s getting a new co-captain.” 

You raise an eyebrow. 

The accomplishment your brother treasured most in this world was leading his team as their Captain for what would be the third year in a row. The team had done well under him, looking up to him and following his lead, even beating out the rival team for a spot at the regional tournament last year. 

Having to give up that sole responsibility to share with someone else was not something he would take lightly. 

“Brad’s not gonna be thrilled.” You pause, biting your lip as you think through his words again. “Wait, how does Nat even know about that?” 

“Coach Simpson texted their group chat to warn them of their new arrival today. Bradley got the text while he was at my house.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, a pit settling in your stomach at the look in his eyes. “Why do I get the feeling there’s more to this that I’m not gonna like?” 

Tyler offers you a knowing grin, crossing his arms. “Word on the street is that it’s Jake Seresin.” 

-

The sound of lockers opening and closing echoing through the locker room greets his ears. He takes a deep breath for the storm he’s about to walk into, shouldering the locker room doors open. Simpson’s already waiting for him, glancing up from his watch. 

“Ah, Seresin, you’re right on time.” 

“Hey Coach.” He says, taking a step forward into the locker room as the team takes notice of his presence. “Thanks for having me and letting me join.” 

“Well, I’d be a fool not to take someone of your caliber, kid.” Simpson clears his throat, cutting off the muttered whispers echoing through the row of players. “As you all saw in my text to you earlier today, we are joined by a new co-captain this season. I expect you all to treat him as you would any other player. Bradshaw-” Simpson calls out, waiting for the brunette to meet his eye. “I expect you to behave in the way I demand from my captains. That means no fights on and off the ice. Do we understand?” 

Bradley nods, even as the way his eyes narrow at Jake says otherwise. “Yes Coach.” 

“Good. Any rivalry that the two of you might have had between one another is behind you, do you understand?” 

“Yes Coach.” Both he and Bradley say, pulling themselves up to their full heights. 

Simpson sighs, in a way that signals he probably knows trying to get Jake and Bradley to put their differences behind them is futile. 

“Welcome to the team Jake.” 

-

Your face dropped. 

“No.” 

Tyler smirks, nodding his head. “Yes. your favorite-” You make a noise of disgust in the back of your throat. “-rival captain has come to join the team this year.” 

You groan, reaching up to rub your temple. “I don’t even know what to say to that.” 

“I’m just not sure what’s going to be worse. The fact that he knew you personally and still kept Robinson’s cheating a secret or the absolute beating your brother is going to give him.” 

“I never should’ve dated Brett.” You mumble. 

He snorts. “Dating someone on the rival team was not one of your smartest decisions, I’ll give you that.”

“I’m not ever going to live it down, am I?” 

He sighs, shaking his head. “’M afraid not.” 

“Okay, you two.” Charlie voice echoes form across the ice. “Sorry I’m running behind, there was a bit of confusion as to who had the ice and for how long today.” 

“’S okay.” Tyler calls out. “Baby Bradshaw and I were just getting caught up on the drama of the new hockey captain.” 

You toss him a withering look while Charlie sighs. “Don’t even mention their new Captain, Trace. You know how I feel about the two of you hanging around Cyclone’s team.” 

“I’m never dating another hockey player ever again, cross my heart hope to die.” You saw, raising a hand. 

“Why would you, after the hell Robinson put you through?” 

“That’s enough Ty. Have you guys warmed up yet? I want to start in on our choreography for the routine as soon as possible.” 

“I warmed up before I got on the ice.” 

“Same here.” 

“Great. Take a couple laps you two, and then we’ll be getting into the skills.” 

The two of you push off, skating away from her. 

“Well, you excited to be back? Even with Juillard on the mind?” 

“I said we weren’t talking about that anymore. As of this moment, forget I ever even told you about it. But yes, I’m excited to be back on the ice. Never stops feeling like home.” 

-

He claps Javy on the shoulder as he walks past. “Good to see you Machado.”

The man squints at him as he walks past. “Saw you last night, Jake.” 

He chuckles, shaking his head as he steps over the bench in between Javy and another player known by the nickname Fritz. “That you did Machado.” 

Javy shrugs, standing up as he pulls his locker open. “That happens when you live together. You know, you see one another.” 

He pushes the man’s shoulder as Javy laughs. He pulls the locker next to Javy open after Javy gives him an affirming nod from the questioning look Jake shoots him. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you a plaque with your name on it soon enough. Then everyone will know exactly which locker belongs to the esteemed Jake ‘Hangman’-” 

“Seresin.” 

Both he and Javy turn, facing Bradshaw. Bradley’s drawn up to his full height, eyes dark, voice firm. Fritz mumbles something under his breath, earning him a nasty look from the brunette. 

“Yes Bradshaw?” He says, forcing a sickly sweet smile. It’s polite, but it’s fake, and everyone in the locker room knows it. “How may I help you?” 

“Don’t get too comfortable here, Seresin. You’ll be out of here before you can say boo.” 

He cocks his head. “Is that a threat?” 

“It’s a promise.” 

-

“Ay, Charlie! You were supposed to be off the ice fifteen minutes ago!” Cyclone shouts as you skate past. You pause, slowing down as you turn to see the approaching hockey team. 

She narrows her eyes, skating over to the edge of the rink. “We have it for another fifteen minutes. I checked.” 

“That’s not possible.” 

She tilts her head. “Can’t help it if you got your ice times mixed up Coach.” 

“Bradley.” You hiss. Your brother turns his head away from the normal occurrence of the two coaches bickering to where you’re standing on the ice. “Are you still driving me home after practice?” 

He nods. “Yes, because Dad’s having dinner with Ice and Slider tonight, remember?” 

You nod. “Yeah, I vaguely remember him telling me that.” 

He shakes his head. “Jesus, I think you need to pay attention more when Dad talks to you.” 

“I don’t think it’s a matter of paying attention. Dad really only communicates with me via group chat.” 

“You’re so dramatic, you know that right?” 

“Baby Bradshaw.” A voice calls from behind your brothers shoulder, the boys moving to reveal Jake Seresin. Bradley half-turns, giving Jake a look that would put him six feet under. Jake doesn’t seem to care too much, his gaze burning you as he holds eye contact. “Good to see you again.” He says, offering you the charming smile he offers any girl he’s trying to woo. 

You would recognize the mega-watt smile from anywhere, memories of him flashing it to girls who was trying to bed at after-game celebrations you shouldn’t have been at in the first place flashing through your mind. 

“Funny Seresin, can’t say the same about you.” 

His hand flies up to his heart. “Ooo, you wound me baby. Dost thou really hate me so much?” 

“Hey!” Charlie calls, catching your attention. She snaps towards the ice where Tyler is practicing his triple quad jump. “Go.” 

You sigh, skating away from the ice. Distantly, you hear Reuben chuckle. 

“Man Seresin, if you’re gonna survive on this team, the first and foremost thing you need to know is to stay away from Bradley Bradshaw’s baby sister.”

-

You yawn, tucking your knees up to your chest as you realize your phone is about to die. A quick glance up to the rink tells you that they are deep into a play, and even if they got off the ice at that exact second, it’ll be at least another half hour before Bradley’s ready to leave. 

You click the device off, slipping it into the side pocket of your bag as you curl further up into yourself. A dying phone was a problem that could not be solved without a phone charger and you were straight out of luck there, having left yours on the floor of your bedroom this morning. 

You could probably sleep, the practice running into the late hours as you waited for your brother to finish up. You close your eyes, the sound soft of the whistles and hockey sticks a comforting noise, a familiar one you welcome as you begin to doze off.

“Hey.” A voice calls, and you yawn again as you blink, clearing the sleep from your eyes. You look up to see your coach pulling her car keys from her bag. “You’re not home yet?” 

You shake your head, stretching out your legs. “No, not yet. Simpson kept them late. Again.” 

“And your Dad?” 

“He went to dinner with Uncle Ice and Sli. You know how it is.” She nods, frowning slightly as she glanced at the time on her watch. 

“They’re still out at- 11:33?” 

You shrug. “I didn’t think to ask. I’ve waited later for Brad.” 

You would’ve asked had you not already known he wouldn’t have responded.

She sighs. “Well, I’ll drive you home, okay? It’s late and I know you have ballet early in the morning.” 

You nod, grabbing the bag of gear from the bench it was resting on as you waved a hand to your brother. He caught the movement, raising a hand back, before he focused in on practice, zeroing in on the play. 

“You haven’t had dinner yet, have you?” 

You shake your head as Charlie holds the door of the rink open for you. “No. I think Brad and I were just gonna eat leftovers or something when we got back to the house.” 

“Well, how about we stop at McDonald’s on the way to the house?” 

You raise an eyebrow at your coach. “Oh, it’s a McDonald’s night, now is it?”

She offers you a soft smile. “Why not? It is the first practice of the season. Might as well reward yourself before the hard work begins.”

You don’t miss the fact that Jake’s eyes are on you the whole time. 

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin fic #jake seresin fic #top gun: maverick #top gun: maverick fic #house of gold

[mcgnagallsarmy]

Hi! I'm new to Spuffy and I was wondering, are there any "big" fics that you would recommend? Like the fics that most people have read/heard about, if that makes sense lol😅

Hi, anon!

Well, I only started reading Spuffy fanfic a couple of years ago, so maybe I don't consider the same fics as classics as most people do, hope my recommendations will work for you anyway (:

*if you're looking for more Spuffy stories, check out my ficrec tag!

These are my top 5 favourite OLD fics:

Found by CupcakeCute [PG-13]

Begins between TGIQ and Power Play, continues post-NFA. Buffy learns of Spike's resurrection from an unlikely source and immediately sets out to make things right as The Apocalypse breaks out in L.A. Spike/Buffy pairing, some Angel/Cordelia.

My Life Closed Twice by anaross [R]

Post-Not Fade Away. Buffy seeks Spike's remains, but then finds him in the most unusal place.

The Other Side of Midnight by Holly [NC-17]

In the months following the destruction of Sunnydale, Buffy cuts herself off from her friends and resumes life the only way she knows how: fighting evil. It’s only a matter of time before her past catches up with her, and brings about the man she lost and loved too late…only he doesn’t recognize her face.

Promise of Frost by Eurydice [NC-17]

When a snowstorm strands Buffy and Spike, they are forced to turn to each other for strength, especially when a missing Giles, mysterious visitors, and way too much magic threatens to turn it into a not so very merry Christmas. Set mid-S4.

The Writing on the Wall by Holly [NC-17]

There was no body to bury. There was no funeral. There was nothing but the three rules and the knowledge that a thousand years of torment was nothing compared to a world without her in it. Spike embarks on a journey through the Gates of Hell to rescue the one he loves, but in order to save her, he must risk losing himself.

And these are my top 5 favourite LONG fics:

A Different Kind of Hell by OffYourBird [NC-17]

Jumping through Glory's tower portal, Buffy and Spike find themselves in a hell dimension they never expected. One that looks suspiciously like 1880's London. Will they find a way back home? Will the truth behind William the Bloody at last make itself known? Will Buffy ever stop butchering the Queen's English? Join them and find out. Starts off at the end of "The Gift."

The Darkling by OffYourBird [NC-17]

When Buffy’s quest to get Spike returned to her is fulfilled in an unexpected way, she finds herself in a complicated relationship with an intrigued master vampire who isn’t the man she loves, but who might be someday… if she can convince him to step out of the dark.

Hunger by Sunalso [NC-17]

AU. Spike killed his third Slayer, but Dru was already dust. He's been lost, but when his supper turns out to be more than he bargained for, it leaves him hungry for something else instead. And Buffy? She's just hungry.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Sunalso [Adult Only]

Buffy has fallen into darkness and been forced to become a ghost in her own past. Only she didn't come back alone. What will it take to overcome depression, obsession, and death so that she can learn to live, love, and laugh again.

West of the Moon, East of the Sun by KnifeEdge [NC-17]

I keep having the strangest dream. Every night it's the same thing: a dark room, a big bed, and a silent vampire that I can feel, but not see. I'd be wigged, except it's just a dream, right? It'll be a cold day in hell before I ever willingly sleep with a vampire again…

#spuffy #ficrec #reply #anonymous

[daydreams-and-honeybees]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Was digging through my tumblr notifs and totally forgot I was tagged in this oops 😅

Thank you @fairytales-and-folklore for tagging me 🥰🥰

tagging @halcyonhue @sharksinflowercrowns @slightecho

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

20!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

106,520. I think that's pretty good!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Owl House. (specifically, Huntlow.) Although once upon a time I wrote Percy Jackson!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Green (Like Jealousy) my magnum opus

Blushes Bloom Like Flowers all fluff

What are the chances? human au!

'Pretty' : Day 6, Scars Huntlow Week!

Golden Hour: Day 5, First Kiss/Gardening Huntlow Week!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I always appreciate when someone takes the time to write a comment. Whenever I enjoy a fic I always try to do the same, although I should be doing it more than I am lol.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think A Very Royal Menace, And Her Poor Knight's Attempts to Not Lose His Job? I don't know if it's really angsty, but it was based on an idea that @sharksinflowercrowns had of a princess/knight au and I really ran with the pining. I don't really count it as angsty because it really is just like a snapshot of that story and they live happily ever after because I can't not have happy endings. Can't promise any official continuations but there ya go.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, I like always write happy endings, but I think Flapjacks in the Morning is the happiest because it's like, all fluff and good feelings and they eat pancakes at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, sometimes I get rather vague comments that I *think* are well-intentioned or complimentary but also are kind of...ominous. All appreciative tho!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Wouldn't you like to know? /s

In all seriousness, not sure if I will ever get to it (maybe that bug with bite me someday, who knows) but if I do it would be super sweet, fluffy and sappy (and spicy lol) because that's all I do lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not, I think the closest I'd get to something like that would be AU's of one story/setting that I would put another group of characters in, like a pacific rim AU or star wars, etc.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, not that I know of at least 😅

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not co-written, but I am the beta/editor for rachelrosemary’s fic The Kissing Project! and she has helped me with a bunch of mine as well!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Huntlow it's Huntlow.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Mm. Burning Sage. I was really ambitious when I started it but didn't plan it as well as I should have. It burnt me out too quickly and I don't think I will ever touch this high fantasy witch AU again, sorry. (But again, even with the angst it would have had a happy ending)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I am pretty good with characterization? I get a lot of comments about that at least! And I've gotten some compliments on my prose when experimenting with writing styles once upon a time

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I was never a writer really, so I think my phrasing can end up awkward or vague because it doesn't convey what I intended. Rachel has helped with that tremendously however! I also struggle with dialogue not infrequently.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have not done this yet, but I would include it if needed. I am not fluent in any language other than English so I would probably resort to looking it up and doing my best to make sure it was accurate for like, a handful of lines if I needed to.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson! I had like two or three percabeth fics I posted on wattpad like, twelve years ago. I'm sure they are still there lol.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Hmmmm...right now I want I'll Be Falling, Without Caution to get some love so go read that! It's a cute post-canon oneshot focusing on Hunter and Willow getting ready to get back into flyer derby by practicing together ALOOONE and cuteness ensues. Super fluffy and mutual losering/pining.

I found this is in my drafts from weeks ago so you're all getting this now! ta-da!

#huntlow #toh #the owl house #willow park #hunter noceda #hunter toh #fanfiction #about me #shouting into the void #fanfic #fan writing #fanfic writers #fandom

[ambrosialsyrup]

Part 2: As Your Lover - Headcanons

Warning(s): Gender-neutral reader, OOC?, and not proof-read.

Fandom: The Tale of Food

Summary: He loves you. You love him. What more needs to be said?

Notes: I have no excuses for the extremely late update other than procrastination and lack of motivation. It is out now though! I’ll write the “dating/about to kiss but not gonna kiss (or maybe they will?)” for all three of them and post them at a later date. Also sorry for switching out Meng with Longjing, my brain hit a dead end and jumped ship. Now to decide between angst or prompt requests…eh, I’ll figure it out later.

✧—Squirrel Fish

A silent vow. 

❥ From the moment he took off his mask in front of you, that was his promise, his oath, to protect and love you until the day he fades away. At first he tried to push you away, feeling that he was inadequate to stay by your side. Squirrel Fish, a dish meant to bring delight but only brought death upon others instead. With hands stained in blood, he wished not to dirty you with it. A Food Soul unworthy of staying in Kongsang, unworthy of you.

❥ And yet you told him to stay.

❥ Time and time again you told him he was needed. That he wasn’t a monster. That he was loved…by you. And for once in his worthless life, Squirrel Fish felt that he wasn’t just a murderer but instead, a Food Soul who simply loved you. A Food Soul who finally found his meaning in life other than killing and disposing of lives.

❥ Squirrel Fish is very devoted to your every whim. Be it as simple as asking for a drink of water, you’ll definitely find him standing in front of you seconds later with a glass of water in his hands offering it to you. Or maybe you want him to cuddle with you? Ah…if that’s the case then please tell him ahead of time Angel…he needs to prepare himself.

❥ Pet name wise he doesn’t have much variety. In fact, there are only two names that he calls you. Master and Angel, one out of respect for your position and the other out of pure love. And also because he got told off by some of your more romance inclined Food Souls to call you something more endearing than just Master.

❥ Dates are…pretty awkward as Squirrel Fish doesn’t have any experience whatsoever in the field of dating. Assassination? Yes. But a date was meant to be a fun, enjoyable time spent with a romantic partner (at least that’s what he learned from the books Geely Shrimp gave him). That’s why he lets you take the lead and does whatever you want to do that date. But he does have a preference for simple dates inside Kongsang on the farm or in your room where you two are just knitting something together. He’s happy with whatever you’re happy with.

❥ He loves you. He loves you dearly to the point that even if he were to fade away someday. Squirrel Fish was certain that his love for you would remain. However, that doesn’t stop him from recognizing you as the Master of Kongsang. Someone who maintains order over more than a hundred Food Souls and manages a restaurant at the same time. You who has your own duties and hardships, some you can tell to him and some you can’t. That’s fine, whatever it is, Squirrel Fish knows you can’t always be with him. He won’t be selfish and ask that you stay by him always.

❥ But…he’ll do his best to stay by your side, if you allow him, on whatever path you choose to tread.

❥ If you ever need someone to lend you a shoulder to cry on, he’ll be there. Squirrel Fish may not be the best comforter or the best with words or actually anything involving normal emotional interactions…but he promises he’ll always be there for you. No matter what, even if he still feels like he doesn’t deserve you, he’ll be there with you until the end.

✧—Longjing Shrimp

A bet with eternity.

❥ An unexpected romance that only some could see coming. It neither started with a confession nor an overly exaggerated proclamation of love. Instead, it began with a silent agreement and gentle kiss over a cup of tea. A quieter love than most would like to have but a love Longjing gave wholeheartedly.

❥ Who fell for the other first? It’s a question many of the residents of Kongsang started to ponder after you two got together. Actually, even finding out that the two of you were a couple was a task in itself. It wasn’t obvious as Longjing rarely, if ever, shared his affection to you openly or at least to the point that they’re noticeable to the untrained eye.

❥ A lingering touch to your hand, a soft glance in your direction, or a faint smile appearing on his lips whenever you’re near. That’s the most he’ll do in public. He reserves the more intimate and private parts of your relationship with him when you’re both alone. His fan hiding his intentions and love for you put aside when the only company that remains is you and him.

❥ He isn’t great at giving compliments, much less flirting or being a lover. Expressed affection is something Longjing knows not of, much less is capable of properly giving it to you. But he is…attempting to learn in certain ways. Longjing will never be the best at showing his love for you openly, not in public or in private unless the time is right, that’s simply not him. His words are sharp and his compliments sparse but for you…he’ll try to improve.

❥ Doubt not his love and fear not his eyes, he’s only like this due to his inexperience in such a relationship.

❥ Dates with Longjing Shrimp tread the line between “date” and “learning”. The most common “dates” between the two of you are merely conversations over tea as he teaches you about the different methods and leaves. Occasionally he’ll show you his stamp collection or suddenly offer you a “riddle” of sorts and expect you to give him the correct answer. If you don’t answer…that’s fine too. It gives him more time to spend with you so he’ll let you off. Hm? A scheme to spend more time with you? Hmph, don’t push your luck (The reddening of his ears gives him away though..).

❥ Longjing Shrimp has recently discovered that maybe treating you more tenderly during those “dates” would provide a more intimate experience for the two of you. Now it’s just a process of getting there but he has upgraded to having your favorite snacks prepared ahead of time before you arrive.

❥ That doesn’t mean his love for you can’t be passionate though. In fact, despite what his cold demeanor shows, his love is far too passionate. He wants to kiss you, he wants to hold you. The supposedly cold and strict Food Soul wants nothing more than to spend everyday with you and you alone. A love that threatens to devour you from head to toe but restrains itself in acknowledgement for your position and his own lack of knowledge in emotional matters.

❥ That’s why even pet names are troublesome for Longjing. You are free to call him whatever you like, as long as it’s reasonable, but him? That’s…not something he had ever expected to think about much less do for a partner. In all honesty, he’s never once though of having a lover, someone he could share his thoughts with intimately, until you came along.

❥ That’s why, even now, he still has yet to give you a pet name. Not because he doesn’t love you but partly out of embarrassment and partly because he believes no pet name would be able to fully express his love for you.

❥ So until the day comes where such a thing arises and Longjing’s able to properly show his feelings for you…he’ll call you by name.

❥ People have admired him, people have gossiped about him, people have desired him, and never once did Longjing spare them a passing glance. That’s why…you’re his first and last partner. While he may not be able to provide you with a thrilling romance or overdramatic gestures of love, Longjing Shrimp can provide you a safe haven to turn to whenever your need; for all of eternity.

✧— Buddha’s Temptation

All for you.

❥ Buddha’s Temptation never expected for this to happen. For his love for you to be reciprocated; to be accepted by you who he had been yearning for dearly. He had planned to run far far away, to a place even the gods could not reach, so that he’d never have to face you with this emotion of his. The ugly yet beautiful emotion called love.

❥ Buddha’s Temptation has admired many things, people, and sceneries but never once has he ever truly loved someone. He’s dreamed of it, yes, longing for such an experience. The engulfing passion that comes with the emotion called love. And when he did experience it, he experienced all of it. The burning, the yearning, and the sense of loss he felt when he realized you were the one who caused him to feel it.

❥ It’s not your fault. It’s his for not keeping his feelings in check. Fushou didn’t want to trouble you, not when you have numerous other Food Souls to worry about. This…this desire of his was far to strong to keep contained, a dangerous need for you attention, for your love. He feared your rejection, your hate, and your look of disgust towards him for having such wants. That was why he wanted to run away, pack his belongings and all the necessities he would need before he left your sight for good.

❥ But in a single night, you demolished all his plans with three simple words. The words Buddha’s Temptation longed to hear from you and the words he kept to himself for your sake. And never before in his long life had he ever been happier than the day you told him “I love you”. Looks like he can’t run away now, not when you look at him with such determined eyes.

❥ Haha…Butterfly…you’ll take responsibility for him, won’t you?

❥ Buddha’s Temptation absolutely adores pet names of the nickname he had for you before the relationship became official wasn’t obvious. He still keep its, naturally, how could he get rid of it? But it felt unjust for it to be the only one so another had to be made. “Butterfly” and “My Star” were the ones that were decided upon with help from Goldie.

❥ Being in a relationship with Buddha’s Temptation feel like an enchanting dream pulling you deeper and deeper into it. Sweeting nothings whispered in your ear, eyes filled with adoration whenever he sees you, and gentle kisses across your face. Never once touching your lips until he whisks you away to a private location for only you and him.

❥ Dates with him are whatever you like them to be. As long as no other Food Souls are around, he’s simply content with you being by his side. Be it accompanying you for a grocery trip in the Qing Dynasty or going to an extravagant jewelry shop and buying whichever piece catches your eye. Actually no, scratch that, he’ll order you a custom made one so that no other can wear it. Ah…and a matching one for him as well.

❥ So long as he’s able to take even a second of your time, that’s good enough for him (or at least that’s what he tells himself whenever he sees you being taken away from another).

❥ He pays attention to your every need, has enough money to last for a lifetime, and despite how often he charms people with his honeyed words and looks. There’s nothing in the world he loves more than you, yes, even the very embodiment of beauty could not stand up against you. Then again…you would be the very embodiment of all that is beautiful in the world in his eyes. But to be clear, Buddha’s Temptation love and adoration is dedicated to you and you alone.

❥ However…there are a few flaws he’d like to ignore about himself but simply can’t.

❥ By accepting his love, you’re also accepting the feelings he considers ugly alongside it. Jealously, envy, sadness, all the emotions that used to not come easily to him until he met you. Feelings he kept covered with a smile and a lie of admiration. Or perhaps it was the truth that he admired you first before falling? Or did he fall for you and confuse it for admiration?

❥ None of that changes the fact he loves you.

❥ Desperately, dearly, and to the point of death Buddha’s Temptation loves you. He is a jealous man and a clingy one to boot. Hell randomly appear beside you and hold your hand while giving his most charming smile to whoever you’re talking to despite how obvious the jealously contained in his eyes is.

❥ He knows it’s ugly of him to want you only to himself. You’re the Master of Kongsang first before you’re his lover. A fact he painfully acknowledges no matter how much it hurts him to. Buddha’s Temptation knows the envy he feels towards the other Food Souls are childish but it’s something that just won’t go away.

❥ Love truly does bring with it such troublesome emotions but for your smile…he’ll endure them. You’re free to scold and hit him if— no — when you find out about this. About his jealously. Please do, he doesn’t want such a beautiful emotion to be stained by his repulsive wants. He doesn’t want to stain you.

❥ But alas, that’s the beauty of love isn’t it? An ever changing emotion different from person to person. But do rest assured Butterfly, his love for you will never fade.

#the tale of food #tale of food #the tale of food x reader #tale of food x reader #ttof #~syrup writes #Squirrel Fish #Longjing Shrimp #buddha’s temptation #Squirrel Fish x reader #Longjing Shrimp x reader #Buddha’s Temptation x reader #I definitely do not have a bias towards Fushou whatever do you mean??? #Now I genuinely can’t stop thinking about angst where either the reader dies or the Food Soul does #Fluff over #Angst is when my brain works

[perexcri]

Stancy is Officially out as my fav poly Jancy ship,😌 esp after this new fic of yours, which made me wiggle around like a delighted little sea slug.

Honestly, Nancy deserves to smoke some weed and admire her bf with Argyle. When’s the last time she’s gotten a break like this tbh?? Ever??

Jonathan Byers, simp extraordinaire for his gf and bf(f). (This fantastic dynamic feels a little bit like how I feel Merlin/Arthur/Gwen would have been if bbc hadn’t been Cowards(tm).) also…\o/ shotgunning shotgunning shotgunning sho—

Also, the undercurrent of Ow in regards to Jonathan’s Extreme amount of trauma? you somehow managed to thread a bit of Pain into this lovely interaction. (“He’s sick of being domestic–he just wants to be a teenager!” & “I’m fine,” he lies, and it’s an easy one to roll off of his tongue. He’d been doing it all his life.” &!!!! V much!!!!! “Secondary parent, half-mother and half-father, always up in the morning to make breakfast for his little brother, and always relegated to haunting the back of classrooms and the edges of hallways–the creep and the weirdo.” Crying screaming on the floor eating my phone bye). (Also also Jon doubting that Will needs him anymore, nonoo oh dear no he does need u I promise. Crying yelling throwing up curling into a ball. He’s always gonna need his big bro and Jon doubting that is sending off death flags which are oh dear 😭)

Argyle is just. Such a good, kind guy, and good for Jon and Nancy. Like a soothing lotion/sun screen on the burn that is their horrific lives.

“Jonathan and Nancy both stare at Argyle’s mouth, watch it catch against the joint.” 🤭hohoho honestly making me ship Both of them equally w Argyle,

“My fair little Wheeler” orz on the floor bye

If there is not at least One (1) interaction between the three of them in s5 that is even a quarter as good as this one, honestly I’m throwing tomatoes at the Duffers’ houses.

Anyway, lovely wonderful fic!! Hope you are having a good week and thank you for improving mine🥰

VEEEEE i'm glad you liked the Jarncy fic hehehe. i know it's not my typical wheelhouse, but it was so fun to write, so it's nice to hear you enjoyed it!! :D tbh the biggest compliment i was hoping for from this fic was hearing at least one person say they ship it a little more than Stoncy after reading it, so you have fulfilled my wish 😌 (no hate to Stoncy ofc lol)

LITERALLY let Nancy Wheeler smoke weed. or just something - she's going through it just as much as anybody else, and i think she deserves a chance to relax 😩

and you're so right about Merlin and you should say it louder

yeah we can't have anything nice around here without a little pain right :) idk Jonathan is a very personal character for me because i grew up as the eldest in a single-mother household, so there's a lot about his position in life that i relate to too much, hence the angst bleeding over a little into this fic. maybe someday i'll post that other Jonathan one shot i wrote! it's got plenty more of some of the stuff discussed in this one 🙃

and yeah him and Will :') listen the most surprising thing about this fic for me was realizing that, in this scenario, Jonathan would actually be in a very similar position as Mike. furthermore, I think Jonathan struggles with being needed like Mike, too. i think Mike's is more wanting to be needed and getting sidelined while Jonathan's is more having been needed for so much of his life that he doesn't know what his life would look like without being needed. and that definitely showed here :') my poor dude i want to give him a hug

...but that's what Argyle's for, right? GAH i thought the same thing that you said!! i think there's something appealing about having Jonathan and Nancy, who are both really tightly-wound and damaged by The Horrors, buddying up with Argyle, who's pretty mellow and chill (as long as he doesn't like, you know, have to bury a guy in the desert lol). i thought his character would be a good contrast for both of them, and i'm glad that came across :D

Vee i am once again saying that i am so glad you liked this fic :] i knew it was gonna be a kinda niche thing and wasn't sure how it would go over, but tbh, just hearing that you liked it makes me smile :] also this one really challenged me just for its subject matter and working with different characters, so it ended up being personally rewarding? listen i know people really liked irresistible, but it didn't particularly challenge me in any way and subsequently i didn't end up liking it as much as some of my other fics,,,like it was fun and all, but i didn't feel really connected to it. this one, though, made me feel a lot better!! it was fun to try something new and challenge myself!!

i'm definitely gonna be writing more byler next tho lol. i promise i've got stuff i'm working on. i just gotta get my shrimp brain organized 🍤

this has gotten so long :') anyway Vee it is always lovely to hear from you, so honestly, thank you for improving my week :] i hope the rest of your week goes well!! 💜

(also i'm still staring at your aftry art btw 💐💐💐)

#ask #vee my beloved <3

[almaasi]

Glad you're feeling better! I love your fics! Have you got any supernatural fics coming up in your list? 😁

i have a huge pile of unfinished destiel fic drafts i'm never going to finish (so i might someday make a "abandoned wip" fic post), but i do also have a complete destiel fic ("Last Voyage of the Carnaval Celeste") that i really like and intend to post!

a couple of weeks ago i went through it, hoping to polish it up to post, but something about it drained all the energy out of me. i think it's just the overwhelm of knowing i kept it back for seven years in order for someone to illustrate it, and now i can draw well enough that i could illustrate it myself, but that requires... you know, actually drawing for three or four days straight. true, i could just post it, but posting it without illustrating would feel like i waited seven years for nothing.

right now i'd rather use my energy to write, edit, and illustrate the stuff that better represents where i am now rather than where i was in 2015.

but it'll happen. it will. probably not this year, but someday.

as for new destiel and supernatural fics - i apologise, but the answer is no. my brain hyperfixates on one set of characters at a time, and i'm now three years and three OTPs away from it. i've found a lot more freedom to expand the kinds of characters and worlds i write outside of that fandom, and i think going back (even if my brain would let me) would be regressive for me, personally.

ultimately, i don't think i had anything left to say about those characters. i had exhausted the ways in which i could talk about them - which is not surprising after... what was it, 119 destiel fics? several million words? i needed something else, and i'm glad i moved on. it was the best possible thing i could've done.

i'm pleased you enjoyed the destiel fics! i hope there's enough of my old writing in the backlog that re-reading them won't get too maddening. <3 and i can promise you, there's a lot more to enjoy in the other stuff i've written, too. maybe you'll find another fandom you like along the way c:

--

link to ALL MY DESTIEL FICS (2012-2020)

#destiel #elmie writes things #elmie makes things #destiel fanfic #last voyage of the carnaval celeste #post of postiness #replies

[aricazorel]

I was tagged by @noire-pandora and @raflesia65 last week. I’ve been writing but haven’t posted anything in like three weeks because it’s summer and been doing things with the family. So here is a little bit of what I’ve written for (dragon age) Cullen and Anyssa’s new story.

Cullen and Nyssa have experienced some troubles recently as a woman from the Commander’s past joins the Inquisition. Critical of Cullen’s new life and current choices, the woman from his past attempts to wedge herself between the historian and commander. To make things more complicated, the two realize there is more than just friendship between them. This is part of an attempt by Nyssa and Cullen to set things right between them.

~ ~ ~

Anyssa took a breath. She had never been able to refuse him when he pleaded like that. “Alright. I will be there.”

His face lit up at as he quickly kissed her hand. “Thank you, Nyssa. I…Thank you.”

She nodded as he continued to hold her hand. “I’ll go but you have to take care of yourself. I know you’re busy but you still—”

“I know—I realize now I have not been keeping my promise as well as I should,” he admitted as he looked down to their hands. “That is a failing I want to correct starting now.”

She furrowed her brow. “What do you mean? We’re just talking—”

“And that is something I’ve not been doing,” he interrupted. “I allowed myself to become distracted by my past. I took for granted what I had in my present. What was right in front of me.”

“What is right in front of you?” she echoed, looking into his golden-brown eyes. An intensity she’d only seen a few times before…and it was directed at her.

“Maker, have I faltered so badly that you no longer know how important you are to me?” he asked in a sorrowful tone. His hands moved to cup her face tenderly as he went on, “Please tell me you still know that I care for you…I always have—”

“You…You still care…and you don’t think I’m a distraction from your duties?” she asked uncertainly. “That I—”

“Nys, I have always cared for you. I know I do not show that very well at times but I promise that has never changed,” he reassured her. “And it never will.”

“But—”

“You are the best sort of distraction when I desperately need one,” he corrected with a small smile as he caressed her cheeks with his thumbs.

Her response was a grin of her own. “Cullen, you don’t have to say such things.”

“But it is true,” he insisted as he drew her into a hug.

Anyssa allowed herself to be nestled snuggly under his chin as he held her securely to his chest. With an arm wrapped around her shoulders and the other hand tangled in her hair, the Commander murmured, “I wanted to be distracted right now. By you. With you. Whatever you will allow.”

McBride took a breath, finding herself willing to take a chance one more time. “I…was looking at the stars, thinking about how we use to do that…maybe we could do that now? It could be a distraction for both of us.”

“I’d like that,” Cullen replied sincerely. Anyssa felt him shift his stance and then gently turn her to face the wall of the battlements. With his arms still holding her back to his chest, he added, “I learned somethings today I have been avoiding. I am sorry for what my blindness has caused. I hope you can forgive me…someday for my foolishness.”

“If—If we can talk like we used to—where no one interrupts or says they’re more important—then maybe—”

“Then we may try?”

“I want to do more than try.”

“So do I.”

“Then we do more.”

#wip meme #dragon age #cullen rutherford #anyssa mcbride #cullen rutherford x fem oc

[letterstosestrilles]

Dear Brennu,

I’m sorry I had so little time to speak to you when I stopped by the other day, really just enough time to give you a shorthand about what I’d been up to that must have been terrifying. Short messages haven’t really felt like enough since then, but I did want to write, and I’ve got a bit of time on Sestrilles now with my family here, since I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that I’m due for weekly dinner but turned up three days early for it.

Everything since I’ve come back to the Prime Material Plane from defeating Aturav Onver has been simple recovery, trying to go through the motions of victory and feeling it in glimmers in between feeling baffled or worried or guilty, less for what I did for him and more for what I didn’t have the knowledge or magic to do for my friends. Everyone, all our friends and family, have been so kind and graceful about it. Gaizka listened, asked a few questions, and quietly provided a handkerchief when answering them proved a bit much. Our friend Bizza, who owns a crepe shop on Sumula Station where I plan to bring you someday for the nicest crepes you’ve had in your life, served us practically the whole menu for free (though in retaliation I stuffed his tip jar). The children on Nosirion-1, who’d known there was danger but not quite how much, were reassured to see us, and willing to tell us boring stories about school.

Here on Sestrilles, everything feels very real, what I’ve done and what comes next. My brother Tyko has returned my PA bot to me, since I’d left it with him while I was off doing dangerous things, and apparently used it to find a whole forum full of people who follow various bards, where it seems, to my utter surprise, that I have something of a following. I don’t quite know what to do with that, though he and Maliah agree that I should be putting on some concerts, so maybe I’ll do that at some point.

I’ve also had a chance to talk with Maliah alone, outside of the adrenaline rush and then crash of the immediate aftermath of a hard battle. We both agreed that we’re coping, as best we can, with help from our families and therapy and time, not to mention each other. And we’ve started talking, a little, about what comes next.

While there are loose ends, people who Onver was corresponding with who need to be researched to make sure they’re not going to make more trouble, I think that’s not our job. There are others who can do it better—certainly more quietly, those forums have been a sharp lesson in how recognizable we apparently are. And we need rest, and to step away from destruction and toward renewal, a new kind of adventuring, the kind that’s really worth the power.

It won’t, we know, all be together. She has a whole planet to work on renewing, as part of an agreement we made with a star, and while I plan on helping her, it’s work that’s very much part of her expertise and very much not part of mine. There are places I’ll be more useful, so we’ll see a lot of each other, but it won’t be constant companionship anymore. Another adjustment to make.

The next thing we’re going to do together, though, is bring my parents back. It’s the boon I asked, for what I did, and Mishakal was kind enough to grant it. I can cast the spell enough times to bring them home, and soon I want to do it, to give them the chance to live they deserve, and myself the chance to know them that I deserve. I’m bringing Maliah with me for that, and Niko too, and my Sestrilles family. I’d invite you, as much as you’ve helped me, as much as I think you would help there, but I also think it’s a bit soon to meet either side of my family, maybe? We’ll save that for once my parents are acclimated, and once you and I have been on more than just a few dates.

First, though, if we can arrange it in time, I want to be in the best state I can be when I bring them back, and you and I have promised each other a vacation. I know a nice planet with a warm blue-green ocean, and I’m sure there’s a house there we could rent for a month, maybe starting in a couple of weeks. What do you say?

Love,

Elyn

#in character #in character: letter #letter to: brennu zahin #episode 210 #location: sestrilles #looking ahead #elyn and brennu

[potaunderscore]

five nights at freddy's movie stream of consciousness review (spoilers, obviously)

a list of thoughts i had while watching the five nights at freddy's movie, poorly remembered three days post-viewing. not in order of importance or chronology, but a secret third criteria.

the springlock failure, and the springlocks in general. while i would have preferred if there was any effort taken whatsoever to, yknow, flesh out the concept in any way, make it somewhat realistic, etc., i do appreciate the sheer chutzpah of what they did end up doing with the springlocks. only showing the ones surrounding the abdomen, making even less effort to explain their purpose than the games, overall just saying 'yes, this company made suits with mousetrap iron maidens built in for some inscrutable reason, deal with it'. maybe if i brought that kind of energy to my own writing, i could actually get something (anything!) done.

i'm sorry, i know it warmed a lot of people's hearts to see the matpat cameo, but i just can't pretend. it was so forced and so corny, had me rolling my eyes. i love that other folks got something out of it, but the way he was inserted was so obtrusive that it was distracting. you did fine with what you were given, matthew, don't be sad.

william afton. first, the good: it was a very good idea to cut out the british accent. especially with the way he is introduced under an assumed name, if any character in this movie had a british accent, they would have immediately been clocked as afton or afton-adjacent. then again, anyone who knows that afton has a british accent will also have known that matthew lillard was cast as afton, so maybe they should have just kept the accent? i don't know. i have more thoughts on afton, but i'll keep it short and voice my least favorite thing: him saying 'i always come back' before putting on the head during the springlock failure scene was frankly embarrassing, it felt like fanfiction. not disparaging fanfiction, but i must remind you: this is The Five Nights At Freddy's Movie (TM) we're talking about here. i can't think of any reason this line would be in the movie other than a studio mandate because they knew little children and sweaty men would both squeal in joy and say 'i know that! that's the thing from the thing i like! i recognize it!'. however it got there, i believe that it really should have been cut. sorry guys.

there's only three things in this list. i have more thoughts on this movie, and maybe you'll hear or read them someday if i ever feel like organizing them. for now, though, that just seems like a lot of work. what i can promise to you is that i will try to avoid watching reviews or any other media talking about the movie, so that if and when you do get my thoughts, they will be untainted, straight from the hermetically sealed chamber that is my cranium.

#my posts #movies #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie

[sexyvampkitty]

RP Mini-Solo 23: 'A Long Overdue Goodbye Letter'

I'm sitting at the desk in my boyfriend's study...re-reading over a letter for about the millionth time already...a letter that I've just written...a letter that I will probably never send...mostly because I have no clue where to send it to. I don't even know if the particular person...ummm...vampire...in question is even alive or dead at this point...but this was something that I felt just had to be done. Since my emotions are 'slowly' starting to come back...whether I want them to or not...and since it's almost New Year's Eve...I figured it was finally time to tie up some loose ends so that I can start to look ahead to the future...and this is one that should have been tied up a 'long' time ago. With tears now pooling in my eyes...threatening to spill over at any moment...I read over the letter one final time... [Dear Damon 'Hotness' Salvatore, I'm writing this letter to you, to let you know in the nicest way possible, without coming off sounding like a total Bitch, that we're done. It's finally over between us, though, now that I look back on things, I realize that it's been over for a 'long' time, even if I never wanted to admit that to myself before. So, don't bother coming back to Mystic Falls from wherever you happened to disappear off to. I've finally moved on, and I hope, by now, that you've done the same, as hard as it is for me to say that. I'm sorry that I ever hurt you, but you hurt me too, more than you can ever know. You were my first love, and I don't think that I'll ever fully be able to get over you, no matter how hard I try, or how many months, years, decades, or even centuries pass. I still think about you, and miss you, everyday, and that emptiness deep inside me is made all the more painful by the constant memory of what you did to me. You hurt me more than any other man that I've ever been with, my ex husband included and that's not easy, since you're aware of what that bastard did to me. That night, over a year ago now, when I first showed up outside your door and the second that it was opened and I saw you, I fell for you instantly. I know that it was the same for you, since you asked me to be your 'forever girlfriend'. I even asked you to turn me, which, now that I think about it, was probably a bad decision on my part, but, sadly, there's no way to go back and change the past. Also, to this day, I'm not sure that it was entirely my choice. A small part of me thinks that you might have compelled me to agree to the turning, since I was still kind of on the fence about that, even if you've always denied that, but, I guess we'll never know now, will we? Again, the past is past. Anyway, I thought that we'd be together forever. I thought that you were my soul mate, but I guess that I was wrong. 'So' very wrong. We spent three wonderful months together, and I was the happiest that I've ever been in my life, but then, suddenly, things began to change without warning. You would start vanishing for weeks or months at a time, only to pop back up at the house before leaving again after only one day, or maybe a few short hours. I managed to put up with it for a while, until I finally started to lose it to the point where I almost dessicated myself in your basement, waiting for you to come back. After my ex husband dumped me, you left again, after coming back, again, and I haven't heard from you in over six months now. How dare you. How dare you leave me again, without so much as even a simple 'Goodbye', even after promising that we could get back together again someday. I kept holding onto that hope, but now, that hope has finally fizzled out. How dare you, especially after everything that we had and went through together, from the both of us flipping our humanity switches off and beyond. I still can't figure out why you ever started leaving in the first place. Did you ever really love me? Did I do something wrong? No. Wait. I guess we'll never know that now either, huh? Not that it really matters anymore. I still kind of regret breaking up with you to hook up with someone else, but, I was lonely at the time, you weren't around, and I had a needs that were begging to be fulfilled. Of course, we both know how well that turned out, but, I finally managed to stake my bastard of an ex husband, so, I won't have to worry about him anymore, even though he's not very far away from my thoughts either, now that my emotions are starting to seep back in. I waited for you this last time for about six months, once again foolishly hoping that you would come to your senses and return to me so that we could start over. I finally gave up waiting and met someone new. Seriously, I have no idea how long you figured I'd wait for you. Another year? Two? A couple of decades? A century? Nope. I don't think so. Anyway. None of that matters either, because, like I said, I'm with someone else now. I believe that I finally found my true soul mate, the one that I'm meant to be with forever, the man who will treat me the way that I deserve to be treated. He loves me with all his heart, he knows how to accept me as a 'ripper', something that you were never able to do, which is part of the reason why you probably kept skipping out, and, best of all, I know that he'll never leave me. In fact, he promised me that he wouldn't. We even gave each other eternity rings over Christmas, so, there's no doubt in my mind of how real and permanent our relationship is. Oh, and he also has a young daughter, which is confusing, and awkward, seeing as he's a vampire, and adding the fact that I was always telling my ex husband how much I didn't want kids, even after I became pregnant with magical twins, but, I guess it's just something that I'm going to have to get used to. And I will, in time. Anyway, I guess I've bothered you enough and there really isn't anything left to say, so I'm going to end the letter here. Despite everything that happened between us, I wish you all the best and I hope that you finally find the love and happiness that you deserve. I just wish that you could have figured out that it was me the whole time. Goodbye. Sarcasmic] ...With tears now streaming down my cheeks...I angrily snatch the piece of paper from off of the top of the desk...preparing to ball it up and toss it right in the trash...but I pull open a drawer and cram it in there instead. I'm not ready to get rid of the letter just yet...even if I'll probably never figure out where to mail it. I should feel better after writing that and literally pouring my heart out...but...somehow...I just feel worse than I did before. Perfect. Sniffling and wiping the wetness from my face with the back of my hand...I leave the room...head towards the stairs...taking them one at a time...almost as if my legs are weighted down with lead...then I head down the hall to my boyfriend's wing of the house...enter the bedroom...walk the short distance to the bed...climb in...snuggle up next to him...close my eyes...and start to drift off to sleep. Screw all of my ex's. I know that my new man will never hurt me...and that's all the assurance that I'll ever need. [END]

#tvd #roleplay

[bittercoldbrew]

Well, geeze, this got outta hand... I blame @silverwolf319​ for being so kind and encouraging and joining me in the little spoon!Ezra club even though he’s technically a big spoon in this one, but I think it still qualifies. Thank you, darling 💕

In theory this is a follow-up to my earlier Ezra/OC oneshot (which is, in theory, a follow-up to my finished story, To Build Something New), but I think they can be read independently, or in any order you please. Here we’ve got about 5k words of just the softest fluff I think I’ve ever written, Cee and Ezra and his unnamed partner with she/her pronouns, building a blanket fort together when the rain keeps them all up at night. This briefly gets a teensy bit saucier than the other one did, so I’m asking to keep this one 18+ only, please and thanks, friends. No other warnings, just an absurd amount of established relationship sweetness here. Enjoy!

Most nights, she loves the skylight above their bed, loves the view of the vast and glorious expanse of space beyond the meager atmosphere of this dwarf planet that has become so dear to her—loves, too, the occasional brush of willowy branches against the glass from the big tree outside, when the wind is up. After so very many years spent floating through the galaxy aboard slingbacks and freighters, she needs this glimpse of the heavens just as much as she needs the reminder of the solid ground beneath her feet. Even now, more than two years spent as a resident of Aphelia, she still has horrid dreams of hull breaches and micrometeoroids and hairline cracks, and often it helps to wake and watch for lazy clouds drifting by or those familiar leaves or the rare nightbird, proof that there is a sky here, hugging her close to the crust of the planet she’s made her own and promising to never let her be sucked out into the void.

Tonight, however, and the storm it has brought, offer far more proof than she would ever need. The wind howls; branches thrash and snap into the air; rain pelts harsh rhythms against the glass; and the sky is so full up with clouds that she can’t find a single soothing glimmer of any stars beyond.

The man in bed beside her, with his steady breaths and radiant warmth, the gentle weight of his arm across her belly, should be more than comfort enough. Ezra is not often an easy sleeper, but he can be a deep one under the right circumstances, and if she were a sensible woman she'd cuddle up against his chest and let the sweet thrumming of his tender heart lull her back to sleep.

She puts on a good show, she'll admit; but she is not often as sensible as people seem to believe.

Feeling guilty, yet restless, she creeps out from under his loose hold and to the edge of the bed. Light flashes overhead, followed closely by a deep groan of thunder, and she freezes halfway to her feet and glances over her shoulder to make sure it hasn’t woken him. But no, his eyes are still closed, those pretty dark lashes fanned against his cheeks, though a slight frown now creases his brow. He buries his face deeper into the pillow with a soft grumble, and she releases her held breath and stands and creeps around the bed and out into the hall—taking one of the spare blankets with her, of course.

She has some vague thoughts of decaffeinated tea and chocolate bars, maybe a dip into that carton of ripe berries in the refrigeration unit if Ezra hasn’t eaten them all by now, but her weary feet can’t seem to carry her that long way to the kitchen and she all but collapses onto the couch, instead. Ridiculous, she thinks, that she can feel this exhausted and this wired simultaneously. There’s been a stomach bug getting passed around at work, one she’s somehow managed to dodge thus far—both a blessing and a curse, because it’s meant that she’s been picking up extra shifts left and right. Tomorrow—technically today, she confirms after a quick glance at the time—is supposed to be her first day off in a tenday and a half, and she’s been so looking forward to finally having time to unwind and spend with her little family. Given the way her pulse keeps jumping with every crash of lightning and rattle of windows, she’s going to spend the day catching up on lost sleep, instead.

Cursing herself, her anxiety, and the weather—not necessarily in that order—she curls up against the arm of the couch and tucks the blanket under her chin, contents herself to a night spent merely hoping for sleep to come.

The storm is...beautiful, she has to admit, viewed through the front room’s wide windows. Dark as it is, there’s enough sheet lightning to paint the sky in grayish purples and greens, and the ribbons of rain seem to dance in the wind. They do have a DTV in here, but the signal isn’t great even on the clearest of days, and the serials streaming in the overnight public blocks are nothing but trash. The storm, for all its insolence, is likely to be far more entertaining.

She loses track of how long she sits there, knees pulled up to her chest, head resting against the back of the couch, until she hears the low rasp of her name and turns to find Ezra shuffling into the room. His hair is mussed, his chest bare, patched and tattered sleep pants riding tantalizingly low on lean hips; but his eyes are only half-open, hand and attention occupied as he hitches his prosthesis up over the liner that insulates his limb remnant, and seals it into place. There’s a soft hiss, and then a gentle whirr as the delicate machinery twitches synthetic finger and wrist and elbow joints, cycling through its startup flexibility test.

While it’s busy, Ezra rests his left arm on the back of the couch, and leans over to place a slow and sleepy kiss to her lips. “Hey, you,” he sighs.

“Hey, you,” she answers, mouth spreading up into a smile as she lifts a hand to smooth along his jaw. “I’m sorry; did I wake you?”

“Nah, the storm did,” he tells her, and though he’s not the sort of man to lie to her, she’s not entirely sure she believes him. “Mind if I sit with you a while?”

“I’d love that.” Kevva only knows why they’re whispering, with the storm crashing so loudly around them, but it feels right, here in the dark—especially when he comes around and settles in close beside her. She unwinds the blanket and drapes it over them both, and he wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his warmth. He smells a bit like derma-cream, but she’s grown so accustomed to the tangy blend of menthol and citrus that it mostly just smells like home, and she all but melts into him.

“How long you been awake, starlight?” he asks, keeping his voice low and gentle, and she sighs and shakes her head.

“Never fell asleep in the first place. I got up, oh...” She lifts her gaze, checking the time that floats into view, courtesy of her optical implant. “An hour ago, maybe?”

He squeezes her tight, and she can hear the frown in his voice as he asks, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

She kisses his shoulder—there’s a little cream there, too, and it makes her lips tingle for a brief moment. “You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t wanna interrupt.”

He huffs, dipping his head to meet her eyes. “You know you’re more important, babygirl. Besides...” he trails off, lifting an unsubtle eyebrow, “you know how much I love sendin’ you to sleep.”

She snorts a laugh, shakes her head. “You’re a selfless man.”

“I’m just eager to help,” he says, grinning, and she laughs again.

“You’re eager for something, I’ll grant you that.” The grin broadens, his cheek dimpling, and she considers the offer. It’s tempting, that’s for sure—she’s been working so much, hasn’t had much time or energy to indulge in the pleasure he’s always so willing to give her. She’s missed him, missed the sweet words that fall from his lips as he comes undone for her, missed the way he fills her just right, as though his body was made for hers, and hers for his.

But the idea of just the walk from the couch to the bedroom seems a little insurmountable right now, even for such a delectable reward. She doesn’t think her body can get any more exhausted than it already is, with or without his best efforts, and sleep hasn’t blessed her yet; and he’d put his arm on which means he’d expected to be awake for a while, hadn’t really planned on taking her back to bed so soon. With a sigh, she tucks her face into the crook of his neck, and shakes her head softly. “Thank you...but I think I’d just like to listen to the rain a little longer.”

He nods, hugging her close and resting his cheek against her hair. “That sounds just fine to me.”

Ezra gives her so many reasons to love him, and this is no exception—how willing he is to set aside his own desires for hers, how he always seems to know when she wants to be wooed and persuaded into bed versus when she just wants to be close to him without interference, even of the pleasurable kind.

She’s never been as skilled with words as he is, has no idea how to really verbalize such a feeling, but she breathes against his neck, “I love you so much, Ez,” and hopes it might suffice, for now.

He rubs her back, presses a kiss to the top of her head, murmurs, “I love you too, baby,” into her hair, his soft voice full of so much tenderness that she thinks he understands everything she’s ever left unsaid.

A boom of thunder splits the night, so close it seems to happen before the blinding flash, and they both jump. Ezra pulls away, squeezes her shoulder. “I’m gonna...go check that out,” he tells her, and she nods as he heaves himself to his feet and crosses the room to peer through the window.

She twists around to try and watch as he moves away from the glass and heads into the kitchen, beyond her view. An instant later, she hears the back door slide open, a strong draft and sharp whistle of wind blowing into the house before it closes again. “Ezra?” she calls, but there’s no response, so she assumes he’s gone outside to investigate, and waits with bated breath for him to return.

A minute later, he does, with another rush of wind; then he comes striding back around the corner, rubbing at his wet hair with a dish towel and looking far more awake and alert than he had before. “Looks like there’s a tree down in the back,” he announces, shaking his head. “Not one of ours, though, and I didn’t see a lick of flame. Too wet out there, I reckon.”

She puffs out a breath, and nods her head. “That’s a relief.”

“Mm-hm,” he agrees, dragging the towel over his face and down his neck and across his broad, glistening chest. Her hands suddenly itch to grab the towel from him and finish the job herself (possibly with her tongue, perhaps, fuck the towel, why do they even have towels?), the sight of him enough to cause her mind and libido to make a stark course correction from where she’d just said she wanted this night to lead, and she opens her mouth to make those intentions clear.

Before she can, another voice speaks up. “Did you guys hear that?”

Twisting back the other way, she turns and spots Cee stepping into the room, one hand rubbing at her tired eyes, the other holding her beloved plush Puzu doll against her stomach. “Aww, not you, too,” she calls, propping her chin on the back of the couch and offering the girl a sympathetic smile.

“We didn’t wake you, did we, little bird?” Ezra asks, slinging the towel over his shoulder with a sheepish expression on his face.

“Pretty sure it was the sky exploding that did it,” the teenager says dryly, shaking her head. “Planets are weird.”

“They are indeed,” he agrees, glancing from his daughter to his partner with a broad grin. Of the three of them, she is the de facto expert on planets, having resided on one for the longest and most recent stretch of time—but that was almost twenty years ago, now, so she isn’t entirely convinced it should count.

Shaking her head, she hauls herself up off the couch and stretches her arms up above her head, feeling something pop along her spine. “Well,” she sighs, turning to face them with her hands on her hips. “Why don’t I make us some cocoa, then, before we lose power or something?”

They both seem thrilled by the prospect, and she makes her way into the kitchen with a smile, taking only a slight detour to trail her fingers along the cooled, damp skin of Ezra’s back as she passes him by. There will be opportunity enough, later, for her hands to have their fill of him. They might all end up sleeping the day away after this storm finally passes, so for now she’s going to make the most of this time to spend with them.

Her hot chocolate recipe, perfected over the course of many years of sleepless nights, has become something of a ritual now that she has these two beloved people to make it for; she falls into it without conscious thought, toasting cardamom pods and a cinnamon stick in the saucepan before adding milk, then chopping up a bar of the good chocolate to stir in once it’s warm enough. The storm still rages loudly, and she can only just make out the cadence and timbre of Cee’s and Ezra’s voices as they discuss something in the other room, and she lets the sounds wash over her as she grabs a foil-wrapped parcel of popcorn and sets it on the other burner to pop, marveling at how surreal yet mundane it feels, to have a family—something she’d never even dreamed of for herself, before she met these two.

She’s poking around in the pantry, checking to see if there are any other tasty treats to munch on, when the sound of heavy furniture creaking along the floor—and their resulting laughter—reaches her ears and makes her question all those warm and fuzzy feelings. She leans back, trying to catch sight of what’s going on over there, and calls, “What’re you two up to?”

“Nothin’!” Ezra answers, far too quickly for her comfort, and she frowns and takes a step that way.

But then Cee calls back, “It’s a surprise! No peeking!”

“Fine! Fine,” she mutters, shaking her head but turning back. She’s pretty sure, now, what they’re doing, but resolves not to interfere in the creative process unless they ask for it.

Besides, she has snacks to prepare.

She whips up a few peanut butter sandwiches, crusts on and sliced into triangles, in case anyone’s really hungry—they’ll make for a quick lunch tomorrow, if not—and grabs the last few handfuls of berries out of the fridge as well. Tossing one into her mouth, the sweet, sharp juice bursts along her tongue as she dumps the popcorn into a big bowl and pointedly ignores the sounds of bedroom doors opening and something heavy being dragged down the hall. She fills the kettle with water and heats that, too, just in case they do lose power tonight and someone decides they want tea or something before it comes back; with a couple towels draped on top, it should stay warm enough until morning.

The milk is ready, so she scoops out the spices and whisks in the chocolate and ladles up three mugs, then arranges them and all the food into one of the fruit crates Ez brings home from Kikur, and calls, “Can I come in yet?”

“Just—hang on a tick,” he grunts, and she can hear a bit of scuffling. Then, Cee’s voice, “Okay, it’s ready!”

Already smiling, she hefts up the crate and heads over to see what they’ve made of the front room.

The coffee table has disappeared entirely; the couch has been moved back against the wall, its seats and pillows removed to serve as cushions atop Cee’s mattress, relocated from her bedroom to the floor. The floor lamp was taken from its usual corner to stand at the foot of the mattress, and two big bedsheets have been clothespinned together and draped over its lampshade and tucked behind the back of the couch, forming a canopy to cover their heads while still giving them a view of the windows and the rain beyond.

Ezra has changed into a dry pair of sweatpants and one of the soft sweaters she tends to steal from his wardrobe when he’s away. He clicks on the lamp, bathing the space inside in a warm, cloth-dampened glow; then he takes a step back and surveys their work with his hands on his hips and a serious expression, as though it were something far more architecturally complex than a cozy blanket fort. “You know, I think this is our best one yet.”

She sets the crate down gently, careful not to spill anything, and crosses her arms with an appraising air. “You know, I think you might be right...” she says, nodding her head slowly. “We better get in it, just to be sure.”

Laughing, Cee tosses her stuffed animal inside and clambers in first. She follows after the girl, settling in among the soft cushions and warm blankets with a sigh, amazed at how well the lightweight sheets muffle the harsh noise of the raging storm.

Ezra doesn’t join them just yet, instead crouching down to investigate the contents of the crate. “What is all this, starlight?” he asks, lifting up and passing over the mugs of chocolate and bowl of popcorn. “You made us a feast.”

“Just some snacks, to tide us over. Hey, no, you give that to us,” she reprimands, seeing him prying open the carton of berries. “Don’t even think about it.”

The man is a berry-eating fiend, just inhales the things like some sort of confused anteater gone frugivore. If she takes her eyes off him for one second with that carton in his possession, they’ll all be gone before she and Cee ever get a chance.

Even with her staring him down, he pops three into his mouth at once; but then he does, begrudgingly, hand the rest over, so she allows this transgression and snatches them up and passes the carton into Cee’s hands for safekeeping.

“You’re so mean to me,” he grumbles, even as he rests the plate of sandwiches she made on top of the mattress and stuffs one wedge into his mouth, finally moving past the lamp and under the canopy to settle against the cushions beside her.

“You need to learn how to share,” she scolds, taking the bitten-off piece of sandwich from his mouth and biting into it herself.

“Ew, no,” Cee groans. “If you two are gonna be gross, you’ll be banished from the fort.”

"Sorry, boss," she tells her, genuinely chastened.

Ezra nods his head, settling his expression into something solemn. "She's harsh, but fair."

Then, in a flash, he snatches back the last corner of bread and peanut butter and shoves it in his mouth, shattering the moment and sending them all into fits of laughter, too giddy from the lateness of the hour and the lack of sleep and the spontaneity of finding themselves all huddled together like this to ever be able (or willing) to reign in their shared mirth.

They giggle and tease each other and snack, mouths going sticky with peanut butter and chocolate, fingertips smeared with butter and salt and berry juice, even as the wind howls and the rain beats down on the roof. Here, under their makeshift tent, the three of them are warm and content and safe, and she doesn’t think she’s ever been so happy to have found herself unable to fall asleep.

Cee is not often very physically affectionate, but she turns into a real cuddlebug when tired, and tonight is no exception. The older woman wraps her arms around the teenager’s shoulders and hugs her close, the Puzu plush tucked between them.

Beside her, Ezra tosses the last of the berries into his mouth and heaves a slow, satisfied sigh. “Did I ever tell you two about the time I met a ghost? Was a night just like this one.”

The girls look at each other, sharing matching dubious glances. “No, you haven’t,” Cee says, voice dry as bone. “And no, you definitely didn’t.”

“Swear it on my good arm!” he proclaims, laying his prosthetic hand over his heart, and it is utterly impossible to tell if the expression on his face is genuine or not. “Even know whose specter it was; I described his face to my crew after they found me, and one of the old timers said, ‘Why, that was Long Richard Johnson!’”

His captive audience squawk similar, wordless sounds of protest—she’s certain there’s never been such a man with such a name, let alone a spirit of the same.

But Ezra’s eyebrows shoot up with surprise, and he pushes himself up on his elbows to gape at them. “What? You never heard the legend of Ol’ Long Dick?”

“Stop,” Cee groans, tossing a handful of popcorn at his face, but he shakes his head, a grin spreading across his face as he really starts to delve into the role of storyteller.

“No, no, I’m not— This is not just a me thing, this an honest-to-Kevva prospector’s legend. He was one of the greats, the first independent contractor to ever set foot on the Green.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, still disbelieving, but resting her cheek atop Cee’s head to listen. With or without any kernel of truth, this is bound to be an interesting tale, at least.

“I mean it! He was the first to reject allegiance to any of the corps; and they let ‘im, too, because no one else, before or since, could suss out those gems like he could. He was a master of the Green Moon; they say he was the first to locate the Queen’s Lair, but he refused to mark it on any map or tell anyone where it was, knew the corps were too greedy and bloodthirsty to ever be trusted with such knowledge. They say he hired a private ship to sneak him out there without their purview, determined to harvest it all his own self, but there was some engine trouble and he never did make it. They say he’s buried up at the top of the Green’s highest peak, with a headstone that reads, ‘Here lies Long Dick Johnson, who earned every inch of his name’.”

“You’re a menace,” she gasps, pelting him with more popcorn, because she’d almost started believing him until that last bit.

But he only laughs and shakes his head, plucking popcorn out of his own hair and tossing it in his mouth. “I’m only relaying what I myself have been told, any deviations from the truth are someone else’s doing.”

“And this ‘ghost’ you saw?” Cee asks, making exaggerated air quotes with a skeptical look on her face.

“Ah, now, that is my tale to tell.” He leans in and props his chin in his hand, voice lowering to a whisper as he begins, “It was a night just like this one...”

He weaves a tapestry with his words, painting a picture for them of himself as a (somewhat) fresher-faced kip, new to the moon above Bakhroma, having contracted out his able body and his rundown ship to a crew of grizzled prospectors, in exchange for training on how to harvest the dazzling gems and a reasonable cut of their earnings. All had gone accordingly, until they found themselves caught in one of the moon’s rare, but devastating, rainstorms, and had to stay cooped up inside the ship, unable to harvest and unable to relocate lest the ship get struck by lightning midair and leave them stranded there permanently. So instead he spent his days learning complicated board games with made-up rules using bits and pieces of supplies they had lying around, letting his ears be filled with raucous stories of days and prospectors gone by.

And then, late one night, he’d been shaken awake by a man he’d thought to be one of the crew, dragged from his bunk and shuffled into his suit and helmet and filter and pack. He’d only briefly tried to hesitate, to wake the others, but the man had grabbed him and growled, “There’s no time, boy—move, or you’ll miss it.” So, only half awake and unable to think straight, he’d obeyed without question and followed him out the airlock.

He had stumbled in the dark, in the mud, in the rain and wind, still relatively new to this and unaccustomed to the bulky suit, and by the time he realized that the only reason he could follow at all was because the man leading him was glowing—luminous and stark and visible even through the sheeting rain and dust and muck that clouded his helmet—they were too far from the ship for him to ever have any hope of making it back on his own. He’d had no choice but to plod along after the ghost, for hours, maybe, until finally the figure stopped and pointed at his feet and commanded, “Dig.”

And then, without a whole lotta options otherwise, he had obeyed.

Eventually, the storm passed, and the light dawned, and his crew must’ve noticed his empty bunk and followed the single track of stumbling footprints until they found him where he’d fallen asleep in the shallow gouge he’d carved in the dirt, still clutching his shovel.

They accused him of sleepwalking, of cabin fever, of dipping into the good hooch behind their backs—all without malice, really, but certainly refusing to believe any claim of spectral visions. At least, that was, until one of the men looked down, and realized that the thing at his feet wasn’t, in fact, a large clump of dirt, but an aurelac root nodule the size of a small child.

“To this day, that was my finest single harvest,” he admits, shaking his head slowly. “The crew gave me a heartier cut than promised, and still all had enough to retire off of. Not me, though; from that day on, I was hooked. Sunk my savings in a newer ship and sought out another crew and kept goin’ back, always hoping to see him again, to pull another fabled haul.”

She nods her head, unsure of what she could possibly have to say to that, but she can so vividly imagine how such an experience would inspire a man like him, would spur him on to the sort of life he’s led. So she says nothing, simply lays a hand against his cheek, letting the edge of her thumb rest in the dimple that creases his cheek as he blinks and tears his gaze away from the past to smile at her instead.

He turns his head, presses his lips to her palm with a sweet kiss, and nods toward the teenager resting against her shoulder. “How long’s she been out?”

“Hm?” she asks, surprised, and looks down to find that he’s right, that the girl’s eyes are firmly closed, her chest rising and falling with deep, steady breaths. “Oh,” she whispers, scared to wake her, “I didn’t even notice.”

His breathy laugh is quiet, a chuckle kept mostly inside his chest, and he nods his head and says, “Let’s not wake her. She can sleep out here, don’t you think?”

“I—” she tries, but the words are stifled by a deep yawn that causes tears to prick at the corners of her eyes; she brushes them away, offers him a sheepish smile. “I think I might join her.”

His grin is brilliant as he nods again, leans in for a quick kiss, then pulls back and starts gathering up the empty mugs and half-eaten popcorn and sandwiches. “How about we all stay, hm? I’ll put these away.”

“Here, I can help—” she starts, but he catches her reaching hand in his and shakes his head.

“I got it, baby. You stay here with her, yeah? I’ll be back soon.”

She nods, rubbing at her eye again, the exhaustion of the past two weeks finally catching up with her. “You promise?”

Ezra kisses her again, warm, soft lips lingering in a way that steals her breath away, leaves her lightheaded and a little dazed when he pulls back and whispers, “I promise.”

She settles deeper into the cushions as he quietly gathers up the dishes and food and the few errant popcorn kernels they’d thrown at him, and slips out from the blanket fort. It’s immediately colder in there without his warmth, emptier without his familiar weight beside her, and she hugs Cee a little tighter as she listens to the fridge opening and closing, the faucet turning on and off, his footsteps drawing near then moving past and away down the hall to the bedroom. Above it all, the sound of the rain against the roof has settled into a steadier, gentler thrum, the booming thunder and frightful wind moving on to rattle someone else’s windows.

When Ezra returns, clicking off the lamp and crawling under the canopy to slide in beside her, he has removed his prosthetic arm—never fond of sleeping with it on—and brought the heavy quilt from atop their bed along with him. She helps him spread it out over all three of them, making sure Cee is tucked in snug while he settles in and wraps his arm around her waist.

He rests his chin on her available shoulder, his whispered words a warm brush of breath on her skin as he asks, “What’d you think of my story?”

“I think it was...effective at making us all sleepy.”

He huffs a laugh, rubs his nose against her cheek. “Alright, sure, but did you believe it?”

She grins in the dark, even though she knows he can’t see it. “I believe that you believe it,” she allows.

His lips, pressing against her skin, curl up into a smile, and the warmth of it works its way deep into her heart and radiates from there to the top of her head and the tips of her toes. His hand slips beneath her shirt, palm spreading along her belly—not teasing, not suggesting anything more than a blatant desire to touch as much of her as he can. “That’s more than enough for me,” he sighs, achingly content.

She nods her head in agreement; and in these last few instants of consciousness before sleep finally claims her, she thinks that this moment, snuggled close between the two best people in the known universe, safe and warm from any storm, is more than enough for her, too.

#god this is so self-indulgent i really have no excuse #maybe someday i will write about something other than these three. but no promises #little spoon!Ezra #(on a technicality) #ezra prospect x oc #ezra prospect x reader #to build something new #theres a line in here that made me laugh when i wrote it and makes me laugh every time i read it again #i wonder if you all can spot it lol #real yearning hours #silverwolf319 #my writing

[writingjjfics]

Jealous confessions

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader, Platonic!Pogues x reader

Summary: A night with the Pogues lead to much laughter, jealousy, and love confessions.

Warnings: nothing much, maybe some cursing

Requested?: yesss

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: Sarah is not a part of this (sad, I know) because we needed a jealous JJ. Sorry this fic took me so long but I have so much work to do for school and each time I try to write my inspiration is just gone so I also apologize for any mistakes and stupid jokes.

A/N(2): JJ looks so hot in this gif I can't🙃 (not my gif)

It was one of those perfect evenings. You and the Pogues were having a movie night at JJ's and John B's small but cozy apartment. They moved in together a while ago after they both saved up enough money. Since you, Kie, and Pope still live at home with your parents, the three of you come over often and probably spend even more time in their apartment than at home.

After a long discussion about what movie to watch, because you and Kie wanted something romantic and the boys wanted a movie with loads of action, you agreed to watch both movies starting with the one you and Kie picked out.

It was a classic Rom-Com about a boy and a girl who started as friends through an accidental encounter and then they slowly fall in love. The movie was cute but you and Kie mostly wanted to watch it because of the good-looking lead actor. You both made loads of comments during the movie even if it was just to annoy the boys.

"Oh my god, he is so hot"

"He could run me over with that car and I'll thank him anyway"

"I would pay money just so I could touch those abs"

With each comment, you could feel the glances and hear the scoffs coming from the boys. It made you and Kie giggle every time.

You were seated in between Kie and John B. Usually, you always sat next to JJ but you have been avoiding close contact with him lately.

You've known JJ since you were 6 years old. You were at the beach with your family while he was there all by himself. He was playing with some rocks and branches when he accidentally tripped. There was nobody around to help him and you felt sad so you went to check upon him. He damaged his knee so you brought him with you to your parents. After they took care of his knee you played with him for the rest of the day.

"I want to make you my best friend now. To thank you for today and the fact that you are really cool. Well- best 'girl' friend since I already have a best friend called John B" JJ told you at the end of the day.

Since that day you were inseparable from him. He came to your house almost every day and your parents treated him like their own child. He soon also introduced you to John B, which you could also quickly get along with. Later you three met Pope and Kie which was the beginning of your friend group.

Kie is the sister you never had. You two share everything together being the only girls in the group of friends. John B and Pope are like brothers to you. You always prank and tease each other as siblings do.

But your relationship with JJ is a different story. Since the moment you were old enough to understand what feelings are, you felt that weird feeling in your stomach every time you looked or thought about JJ. You tried to brush it off as just a stupid crush since he is a good-looking boy giving you a lot of attention but the constant flirting with each other and the tension between the two of you doesn't help at all.

You promised yourself that you would never start a romantic relationship with a friend because of all the drama that could happen if things didn't work out and besides there's that rule, that stupid rule, that Kiara made up a few years ago. The "no Pogue on Pogue Mackin' rule".

While you always hold a glimmer of hope that things would work out with JJ someday, you also know that you need to stop doing that. You know JJ is more into casual hookups and doesn't want to be in a relationship, at least not for now.

With this in mind and your feelings for JJ growing every day, it's getting harder for you to see him at every Kegger flirting and kissing with other girls. Each time you see him walk away with some pretty girl to probably have sex with you die a little on the inside. You tried to give your attention to other boys, going on a few dates, or hooking up with random Tourons, but no one makes you feel the same way JJ does.

So a few weeks ago you decided to distance yourself a little from JJ, not in a way you are not talking or hanging out with him anymore, but just less touching and flirting with each other. You are hopeful that this will help to lose your crush.

Little did you know, JJ's feelings are exactly the same as yours. He always felt different with you, in a good way, he feels butterflies in his stomach when he is close to you. But he also noticed you distanced from him lately and at the same time you became closer with John B. Always sneaking away together, or whispering and giggling.

The thing was that John B recently came to you for girls' advice. There is this new girl in his Science class that he caught feelings for. And John B, being the stupid boy that he is, doesn't know how to get her attention so he asked for your help since he didn't know who else to go to. You decided to help him and took him out for lunches and fake dates to share experiences and tips.

So today you also sat next to John B instead of JJ. You noticed JJ glancing in your direction a lot. But you didn't think much of it. It was probably because you were talking a lot during the movie and it was annoying him.

You were watching the action movie for the boys now. You and Kie thought it was quite boring so you made loads of jokes about the plot.

"Can you guys please shut up, I'm trying to watch this movie in peace!" Pope snapped at us.

"Wow, rare outburst of emotions but okay sorry. We'll stop" you chuckled.

"I think it's time for more snacks" John B spoke up.

"I thought you were the snack here Routledge" you joked.

John B mockingly repeated your words. "Very funny Y/L/N" He walked to the kitchen with the empty trays to refill the bowls on them.

John B thought it would be fun to test out his new 'girl skills' so he added some flowers to one of the trays and handed it to you and Kie.

"For my beautiful ladies" he said while giving you a wink.

You knew exactly what he was doing. "Oh my god, girls would be so lucky to date you. Can't believe you don't have a girlfriend yet." you teased him.

JJ clenched his jaw, obviously feeling very jealous of the scene in front of him.

"Can we just continue watching the movie please?" JJ snapped.

"Can you have some humor please?" you mumbled softly, rolling your eyes.

John B chuckled at your comment.

JJ stared at you unamused. You could honestly die from how hot he looked at you. You gave him a small smile as some sort of peace offer. He didn't respond, raised his eyebrows, and looked back at the tv.

Weird... You thought. JJ usually laugh the hardest at these kinds of jokes or make a brilliant comeback.

--------

It was currently 1 am and everyone was pretty tired from the long day and the movies we watched.

"Can we just sleep here tonight?" Kie spoke up

"Yeah sure, you three can figure out who sleeps where right? I'm going to bed now. Goodnight!" John B spoke while walking towards his bedroom.

You looked in the direction of Pope and Kie. JJ stood up as well and said goodbye while walking to his room. Pope mumbled something about you sleeping in JJ's bed like usual. You locked eyes with Kie.

Kie knows about your crush on JJ and you also told her that you've been trying to keep some distance from him lately. But she shrugs her shoulders and mouthed a sorry. You got up with a sigh and walked in the direction of JJ's room. What's one more night in his bed going to change anyway.

You knocked on his bedroom door and heard some mumbling so you slowly opened the door and stepped in.

"Hey Jay, can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Why don't you go sleep in John B's bed huh" he replied in a mean almost mocking way.

"Ew, why would I want to sleep in his stinking bed?" you laughed

"Idk so you two could continue with the lovebird's act"

You were confused at what he was saying, "Wtf JJ, what's wrong with you?"

He gave you a humorless laugh. "What's wrong with me? Because I can ask you the same. You ignore me for the entire night, no, not only this night but the entire time, and now you want to sleep in my bed?" he almost shouted

"I'm sorry, but I've just had a lot on my mind lately"

"Yeah, about John B probably?" he rolled his eyes and looked away from you

"What the fuck does any of this have to do with John B!?" you raised your voice, clearly confused and annoyed. You were tired and not in the mood to argue right now.

"You don't think I haven't noticed the two of you flirting all the time?"

"Flirting- Wha-?? I don't know what you are talking about?"

"Y/N, Oh my god- you are with him continuously, giggling and whispering stuff to each other. Don't act stupid and just tell me how it is!" JJ was shouting at this moment.

"My god- You can be so dumb sometimes! It's none of your business, but if you really must know. John B has a crush on a girl in his science class and asked me for advice. I've been giving him tips and helping with his courage to ask her out."

"Why are you acting so jealous anyway?" you asked confused and slightly mad.

JJ immediately looked guilty for shouting and his fiery eyes instantly softened "Sorry, I just miss hanging out with you, you know, like we used to"

"Don't you have your many hookups with random girls to fulfill that?" you said sarcastically

JJ stepped away from you and went to sit on his bed. "That's not the same.."

"What’s not the same?" you asked confused again

The fact that you were really tired and basically could fall asleep in an instant did not help with the conversation.

"What I feel for you" he mumbled softly

The moment JJ said what he said he immediately regretted it. He never meant to slip it out like this, if he ever had the courage to tell you.

"Wait- What- what did you say?" you heard it right the first time, you just didn't understand what was going on.

"Y/N can we please just drop this and go to bed. I'm sorry okay. Shouldn't have acted so stupid."

"No Jay, I want to know now. What's going on?" you insisted.

You went to sit on the bed beside JJ. There was this awkward silence. Both of you didn't know what to say next. Finally, after some very long seconds of silence, JJ spoke up.

"Listen, if I'm going to tell you, I want you to listen to me and wait for me to finish talking, okay?"

"Yeah, okay" you nodded. Your heart was beating fast by now. Could JJ possibly like you back?

"Uh- So- You know- I-" JJ was stuttering and couldn't find his words so you took his hand and held it to make him feel safe.

'Okay, I'm just going to say it" he chuckled nervously "I like you, as in, a lot, and more than just friends. For a very long time now. Each time I'm close to you I just want to kiss you and hold you and call you my girl and I know you probably don't see me like that, and that's okay, and then there is also that stupid no Pogue on Pogue Mackin rule-" JJ rambled on.

You were shocked, to say the least, and didn't even hear the rest of what he was saying. You never expected JJ to see you like this let alone think of you as a couple together. It was cute tho, seeing JJ this nervous. You don't think you've ever seen him like this before.

You noticed JJ had stopped talking and was waiting nervously for a response. The only right response you could think of at the moment was kissing him, so you did.

You moved closer to JJ, your eyes drifting from his ocean blue eyes to his lips. You leaned in to kiss him. The kiss surprised JJ a little, but before he knew it, he was returning it hungrily. He pulled your waist closer to him while you moved your hands to ran it through his hair.

The kiss was passionate. You both waited years to kiss each other and it felt even better than either of you could have imagined.

You pull apart to catch your breath, both of you having the biggest smiles on your faces.

"So, I guess you feel the same?" JJ smirked.

"I liked you for years now Jay" you confessed.

JJ brought your face close and kissed your forehead before pulling you in a tight hug. Both of you let out a huge breath of relief.

"Let's go to sleep now babygirl, we'll talk more tomorrow" he whispered.

You nodded and stripped out of your clothes. JJ handed you one of his shirts and he laid down in his bed. You climbed up the bed beside him and he wrapped you in his arms, pulling you close to his chest. He gave you kisses on your shoulder and head.

"Goodnight pretty girl"

"Goodnight handsome"

--------

The morning came. You opened your eyes and heard small breaths coming from beside you.

JJ had one of his arms rested on your waist. You turned your body so you could look at him. He was still sleeping looking very peaceful.

You laid on his chest and slowly traced your fingers on his chest and face, giving him small kisses as well. That woke JJ up.

"Hey, good morning beautiful" he said with his deep morning voice.

His voice sounded even sexier and you could honestly just melt.

"Good morning baby" you whispered while kissing JJ on the lips.

JJ smiled "I'm awake right because this still feels very surreal?" you both chuckled.

"Well thank god it's real, I can't go back to normal now"

"So that means I can officially call you my girlfriend?" JJ looked at you hopefully.

"I wouldn't want it any other way" you smiled and leaned in to kiss JJ.

After some more talking, cuddling, and kissing you decided to have breakfast and join the other Pogues.

You proudly walked into the living room with intertwined hands.

The Pogues looked surprised. You looked at Kie and nodded your head.

"FUCKING FINALLY" Kie shouted. "I've been waiting for years for one of you to make a move"

"Congrats guys, I guess you giving me advice for that girl helped you too" John B said while giving you a wink.

"Yeah, you have no idea" you giggled and looked at JJ who rolled his eyes before giving you a sweet kiss on your forehead.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj obx #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x fem!reader #obx #outer banks #outerbanks #obx fanfic #obx fluff #reader x platonic!pogues #reader x pogues #poguestyle

[writerlyhabits]

Hey Kam! I have a request when you get the time <3

I'm in my 20s and have never been in a relationship before, and I feel like if/when I do find a partner someday there are going to be so many anxieties I have about making sure I'm good enough for them or being a good partner.

How would Bucky feel or treat his girl if she's never been in a relationship before? I imagine he would be so patient and sweet and comforting during those moments where she feels like she's not good enough to be with him because she has no idea what she's doing.

Thank you and I hope you're having a great day <3

My dear lovely anon, let me start off by apologizing for taking so long 😂 I kept getting intimidated by the big blank document, cause I wanted to write something special for our Buck and this wonderful request. Cause you’re absolutely right, he would be so loving and patient if his partner ever doubted themselves; I mean, he’s got his fair share of self-doubts he can’t blame you. But he will help you. 

As someone who was a little bit of a late bloomer myself, I didn’t have my first long-term relationship until college, you just have a different kind of preparation for it. Obviously, there are some things you’ll have to learn with experience, but knowing what you want, what you expect, and what is expected of you before adding any other variables is so important. Trust the journey babe, you’ll be just fine 💖 And if my words won’t convince you, maybe Bucky’s will 😂 Thanks @deceiverofgodss for beta reading as always! hope you guys like it!!

Words: 2.3k

You had been pacing in your living room for the last twenty minutes, after having busied yourself with cleaning up everything in your apartment and changing your outfit seven different times before going back to what you first had on. Bucky wasn’t even supposed to be picking you up for another ten minutes, but you were too nervous to do anything else. 

You’d been going out with the super-soldier for about three weeks now after running into each other at the little bookstore a few blocks away; you had literally run into each other, having collided after you each turned the corner faster than necessary, and he caught the books that had fallen out of your hands before they could clatter to the ground. You looked back up at those striking blue eyes and you were gone, just barely registering the vibranium hand that grazed your own. 

And now, a coffee date, walk in the park, baseball game, and countless other outings later, you were freaking out over a hypothetical. You had been doing whatever this was for long enough to justify it, and at this point it just seemed to be dangling over your head, taunting you… What if he asked you to be his girl? He was old-fashioned, and you were a few dates in… What if he asked you to go steady? 

There was no doubt in your mind that it was what you wanted. Being the object of the James Barnes' affection felt like a gift, and you loved each flirtatious joke and heart-melting gaze he graced you with. But you had no clue how the 107-year-old ladies' man would respond to the fact that you hadn’t ever done this before. Would he freak out or be intimidated? Would he not want to bother wasting his time? Were you making a bigger deal out of this than you needed to?

That’s what you kept trying to convince yourself as the clock kept ticking, fast approaching the time he promised. He was probably sitting outside waiting for time to go by himself, knowing he always liked to be weirdly early as it was ingrained in him from his military days. Maybe you could be cute and go out there to catch him… you would just have to get your heart to stay in your ribcage first. 

“You’re early, doll,” he said sweetly as you walked out of your apartment building, deciding it was better to get it over with sooner rather than pace the floor of your apartment for another five minutes and be no better off than you started. 

“You brought the bike,” you smiled in return, taking in his muscular body as he leaned against the side of the motorcycle he’d told you about, clad in his usual boots and leather jacket with a tight t-shirt underneath. “I understand the outfit recommendation now.” 

“I’m glad you listened, it’ll be safer than that sundress you wore last time,” he reasoned, cocking his eye up at you as he looked at your outfit, looking as close to his as you could manage. “You look just as cute... But I’ve got something that’ll complete the look.”

“Oh really?” You giggled, and he wiggled his eyebrows as he reached behind him to grab something off of the seat. 

“Hope you don’t mind, I had to borrow it from a buddy of mine. His girlfriend is out of town this week, and I couldn’t have you ridin’ without one,” he explained warmly as he stood up to meet you, and it took everything in you to remember to breathe normally. 

Girlfriend. It’s just a word, it’s a normal word. It was his buddy's girlfriend’s helmet. That’s all, nothing to freeze up about, right?

“I didn’t take you for such a stickler for safety, Barnes,” you tried to tease as you gripped onto your composure with a vice, opting instead to focus on the wall of muscle that was now directly in front of you, one hand cupping your cheek while the metal one held the helmet. “You think I’m gonna need it?” 

“I’m counting on the fact that you won’t, but I’m gonna do everything I can to keep that pretty head of yours intact.” You preened under his affection as he placed a gentle kiss on your cheek, and you saw a sparkle in his blue eyes as he stood back to lift the helmet over your head, making sure it was snug as he inspected you. “It’s a good look on you, sweetheart, you might wear it better than I do.” 

“Somehow I seriously doubt that,” you giggled, and you heard the muffled sound of his laughter through the helmet, and it brought a warmth to your cheeks he always seemed to put there. “Where are you taking me this time?”

“You’ll see,” he replied with a wink, before putting on his own helmet and helping you onto the bike. 

You rode in blissful silence, the wind rushing past you on top of the way the helmets muffled everything made little room for small talk; instead, you enjoyed his close company, pressed up against his back as you clung onto him for dear life. Your arms were wrapped around his middle, and when you were stopped his hands would shift down to find yours, giving them a squeeze as he made sure you weren’t going anywhere. Always the protector, you thought, something you admired about the super-soldier as you got to know him. 

The sun shone through the clouds above the city skyline, a warm and gentle breeze accompanying it as you passed under tree branches, their many colorful flowers beginning to populate the area. His hands never left you as he helped you down from the bike, getting rid of your helmets and securing everything away. 

“Is it actually open this time?” you poked as you glanced at your mystery location, a local botanical garden he’d tried to take you to on what had to be the third date, only met with closed gates and a sign that read ‘closed for renovations until…’ 

“If it isn’t it’s not my fault, I checked the website this time,” he grumbled, shooting you a grin over his shoulder as he finished up. 

“So you can be taught new tricks,” you laughed, and he only shook his head at you as he closed in on your space, taking your face gently between his mismatched hands and pressing his body up against yours. He leaned down to kiss you, always so languid and soft, he never failed to take your breath away. And with the way his lips molded to yours so perfectly, time slipped away as it followed your departing train of thought, Bucky at the very forefront of your mind. 

And then he would lean back, look at you with that boyish grin and those sparkling blue eyes, and you felt like you were floating while reality came back to you. 

“Are you done?” he asked, referring to your snarky comments. 

“Mmhmm… for now,” you giggled. He connected his lips to yours one more time before releasing you, sliding a hand into yours as he led you up to the garden. 

…

“Alright, I’ve got one,” Bucky started as you reached over to grab more of the Cracker Jacks out of the box in his hands. “You said one time that my dates were different… what does that mean? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?” he laughed a little nervously as the two of you continued to walk through the rose garden, a classic white gazebo at the end of your path. 

“Good! Definitely good,” you quickly reassured, stopping to notice his expression relax a little more as he waited for your response. “They’re classic. I mean, instead of taking me to a bar, we went for a walk in downtown. Instead of taking me to the club, we went to a baseball game and you talked about how the Dodgers are still better than the Nationals.”

“They were better 90 years ago, and they’re still better now, you can’t tell me otherwise,” he sassed, making you laugh as you walked up the steps into the gazebo. You looked out at the flower garden in front of you as you leaned against the railings, Bucky trailing behind you. 

“It’s- they’re old fashioned… I like it. It’s very you.” You kept admiring the view in front of you as you felt his strong arms slide around either side of your waist, and you hummed happily as you leaned back against him, tilting your head to the side as he rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“I’m lucky you do … it’s uh, it’s been a while since I’ve done any of this,” he admitted softly, only speaking loud enough for you to hear from his spot right by your ear. You thought about his words for a moment, for everything that must be going through his head… you took a deep breath to steady yourself, hoping to absorb some of his confidence. 

“If it makes you feel better, I’ve never done this.” 

And now it was out there. 

“What, been to a flower garden?” You released a shaky laugh as he teased you, surprisingly making some of the nerves you had bottled up dissipate. He stood up a little bit straighter, not letting you out of his hold, as he tilted his head to look at you. “Help me understand, sweets. Because I know you’ve been on dates before, you told me about some really awful ones.” 

“No, no I’ve been on a handful of ‘em,” you grinned, your heart light despite the fact that it was thumping loudly in your chest, warmed by Bucky’s attempt to make you feel at ease about whatever it was you were trying to tell him. 

You had a hard time making yourself meet his gaze, instead opting to look out at the patch of lilies just beyond the gazebo. But you didn’t get away with it for long. After a few beats of silence he slipped one of his arms out from around you, and before you could miss it he was turning you in his arms, a hand coming up to cup your cheek and make you meet his icy blues. 

“Let me into that pretty head of yours, doll.” His expression was one of gentle concern as he made the quiet request, brows raised as he inspected you, waiting to listen in earnest. You felt your heart patter at his actions, ever attentive and always so sweet…

“I’ve been on dates before, but they’ve never gone this far. They’ve never been so wonderful, they’ve never been like you,” you started to ramble, watching excitedly as his concern shifted into a soft smile, making no effort to stop you. “I’ve- I haven’t ever been in a relationship before, and… and I just felt like you should know that before we keep going. I don’t wanna hold out and catch you by surprise when I have no idea what I’m doing, or I mess things up, or I-” 

“Hey, okay, relax a second,” Bucky giggled, cutting off your self-conscious rambling. You took a second to breathe, comforted by the way he was brushing his thumb across your cheek. “That’s pretty big, I won’t lie. Feel like you’re in uncharted territory a little bit, yeah?” 

“Just a bit,” you nodded shyly, and you tried to look away to kind of recompose yourself, but Bucky only let it slide for a brief moment while he placed his hand back on your waist and pulled you into him. He leaned his head forward to make you look at him before he continued. 

“Welcome to my everyday. All these dates I’ve taken you on? I’m making it up as I go, hoping to everything good in this world that I’m not too outdated to keep you interested.” You couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of you at his admission, only spurred on when he pressed his forehead against yours. “I think your nerves are getting the best of you… just because you’ve never done it before doesn’t mean you won’t know what you’re doing.” 

“But what if I don’t? What if I ruin this?” you admitted just loud enough for him to hear as your hands rested on his chest just under the front of his jacket. 

“It would take something pretty bad for you to do that, sweetheart. If you asked me to help you hide a body, I don’t think I’d even be phased.” You hummed in amusement while you basked in his attention, his forehead leaving yours for just a second so he could place a kiss there instead. “I’ve never been in a modern relationship. And the experience I do have is pretty dated. Out of the two of us, I’m much more likely to screw things up.”

“Based on what I’ve seen? I’m almost certain you won’t,” you assured him, coming back into yourself a little bit as you leaned back to look at him, met with a cocked eyebrow and a knowing grin. 

“How funny, that’s exactly what I was gonna say about you,” he sassed. Oh, he was good. “We’ll figure this out together, okay? Because – I was thinking of the right time to bring it up – I’d really like to be able to call you my girl, whenever you’re ready.” You looked at Bucky for a moment, seeing a little bit of your nervous energy passing into him as he opened up, holding his heart out for you to take. 

“Does that mean I’ll get my own helmet?” you teased, earning a belly laugh from the super-soldier as he held you a little bit tighter. 

“I think that can be arranged.” When his smiling lips met yours, it was one of those kisses you could barely keep up with as you smiled against each other, teeth clashing until your happy giggles subsided. You locked your arms around his neck to keep yourself steady while his hands explored you – as he often did – happily lost in his embrace while his perfectly soft lips met yours in what could only be described as pure bliss. 

…

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[chateautae]

saudade | kth. (m)

saudade ; “a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something/someone that one cares for and/or loves.”

➵ summary : a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it's time to find out why.

➵ pairing : idol!taehyung x choreographer!reader

➵ genre : angst, smut, fluff (the holy trinity), idol!au, established relationship!au

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 16k

➵ warnings : sexual content, swearing, dom + sub dynamics, dom!tae, fingering, oral (f. receiving), lots of dirty talk, t e a s i n g because let’s face it this is tae, big dick!tae, cock sliding, marking, restraint (with his own hands), unprotected sex (wrap it up peeps), rough sex, mushy i miss you sex, lots of feels, tae undresses reader (it’s hot i promise), praising, name kink, slight body worshipping, slight brat-handling, forced orgasm, creampie, one spank, tiny impreg kink, aftercare

➵ a/n : wow, my first fic on tumblr!! i’m beyond excited to finally be sharing my stories and writing, hopefully i can let you escape into a whole new world and enjoy my works! comments and feedback are always appreciated <3

2:27AM. 

He still wasn't home. 

Texts on delivered, calls unanswered, radio silence on all social media. 

And it wasn’t just tonight, it was every night. 

Everyday. 

And it’s been a month. A long, grueling month.

A month where he only acknowledged your presence just once and called it a day. A month where he returned so late and left early enough the following morning you didn't see him. Somedays, he never even came home at all. You made suggestions to hang out together, and he declined them on the premise of 'too busy'. 

It hurt beyond comprehension. 

It's like he wasn't even there.

But you knew he was. 

He was the one who moved your sleeping body from the couch to your shared bed every night, a sweet gesture of his that gave you hope maybe everything wasn't so bad. Sometimes, though, you woke up on the same couch the next morning, knowing he most likely stayed the night elsewhere. 

You tried to remain indifferent to the treatment, figuring he was just stressed with his tightly-packed schedule that didn't always include you. 

But it was beginning to feel heart-breaking, disappointing, but most of all, so lonely. It was starting to feel like he was slipping away from you, like you were losing him, relationship tearing at the seams. It left you nothing but heartbroken and afraid. Afraid of where your relationship had gone, afraid of whatever happened to the never-ending love you two shared. You both harboured an array of feelings for one another that infinitely tethered you two together, kept you madly in love and nearly impossible to separate.  

So where was that now? How could it have all changed within the span of a month? 

You’ve survived comebacks with him before and he never entertained this kind of behaviour. Maybe you had a fight or two about someone cancelling on a plan or working too hard but nothing as excruciating as this. 

Your relationship began to feel empty, so meaningless. And the more he was distant, the stronger the pain grew and your love seemed to be losing its vitality.

Why would he do this? What's gotten into him? Did I do something wrong? Why doesn't he care anymore? you asked yourself repeatedly for weeks.

You’d think work was the issue, where your relationship had to be purposefully low-profile and subdued. But ever since the inception of your relationship, Taehyung never found any of that difficult. If anything, he loved it the most. You could easily leave it to the 'forbidden’ or 'looked down upon' stigma of you two dating to make everything 100x hotter, more exciting, and fuck, did you and especially Taehyung enjoy fiddling around with the concept as if you were some modern-day remake of Romeo and Juliet. 

The sneaking around, the thrill of moments only you two shared, the promises you kept, the secret kissing or displays of affection, your romantic status like classified information some were only privy to. 

But you didn't have to worry about suddenly losing your 'Romeo', though, because Taehyung wasn't as stupid as he was (no offence, Shakespeare). 

Taehyung remained business-like whenever he needed to be and tended to his work accordingly. He was always cautious of the consequences your relationship warranted, and worked hard to prove your love was worth it despite his chaotic life and the challenges everyone warned you of. 

Taehyung has also always been mischievous, a little rebellious, someone who doesn't always like following whatever he's told; so this relationship was just his cup of tea, making it hard to believe he would grow tired of it considering his well-precedented admiration. 

But now, you weren’t so sure. 

Now he seemed practically devoid of the fact that you two were even dating. He didn’t naturally gravitate towards you anymore like before, instead increasingly gravitating away from you. He didn't linger around to catch a moment with you anymore, didn't come looking for you, didn't spark conversation whether it was important or not, even stopped looking at you as a whole. It seemed like being in your presence was something he avoided rather than just didn't do, like he wanted to fill his time elsewhere and sometimes… you swore it felt intentional. 

As if he didn't want to be around you. 

You sought communicating with him about everything, pinning all the blame on his mountain-high stress and how busy he was thinking you could help ease his mind; but he stayed firm on the notion he was just fine. You obviously knew something was up and wanted to confront him, but you feared pestering or nagging him, never wishing to add to his stress.

And you get that, you really do. He has this demanding, grandiose life that you should understand is incredibly stressful and time-consuming. But you're going to be honest... you fucking missed Kim Taehyung. A lot. 

Granted, you saw him at work, even more so now with a comeback dawning on the group, but it wasn’t the same. 

You missed being home with him. You missed the way his big arms cuddled you when you watched a movie together, you missed 'attempting' to cook dinner with him, you missed your snuggly mornings where he wouldn’t let you go until he laid at least a hundred kisses on you. You missed him tickling you when you least expected it, randomly playing any track of jazz or slow music, swaying you until he made you giggle and you missed him never forgetting to kiss your forehead whenever he parted from you, even if he had to be discreet where work was concerned. 

The cute, couply things you missed, sure. But the one thing that consistently clouded your mind and bothered you nearly every second of everyday... 

Sex. 

That active as hell sex life you two had, you missed every damn detail about it and your body desperately yearned for its revival.

After a month's dryspell, you craved Taehyung so badly it wasn’t funny anymore. From all the times he eyed you suggestively, to the way his large, touchy hands ended up all over you, to the way he eventually laid you down, lost himself in his torturous but pleasurable teasing, maybe even tying you up or handcuffing you in the process, getting you dripping wet before he eventually fucked you just right simply out of his own desire.

Nope. 

You can't do this, it only made you hornier than you already were and fuck, did anything you try on yourself not work at all. You were feeling greedy. Going from doing it nearly three times a week during quarantine lockdown with him to suddenly having gone a month sex-free left you losing your mind. 

There used to be so much fire, so much love, so much passion between you two. It was intoxicating, so ardent that you could feel yourselves aching for each other in your bones.  But now, all of that felt either non-existent or buried so deep underground you couldn't feel much of anything. And of course, the absence of sex and the cute stuff collectively sucked, sure. But what scared you the most were your own thoughts. 

What if he's finally tired of you? What if he wants to focus on his career? What if he's found someone new, someone that isn’t staff, someone much easier and less burdensome than you..

You stopped. 

A dark web of assumptions swarmed your head, all seeming completely plausible and welcoming a dull, daunting sadness to loom over you. Your chest constricted at the thought of your fickle importance to him, wincing at the possibility it could be true. You sat in silence in your lonely home, leaving you to ponder when the apartment began to feel so forlorn in the first place.

The photographs he took framed the walls, the old albums he owned littered your shelves and even one of the many jackets he owned was currently sprawled across your couch. You noticed the way his presence was so deeply rooted in the home, yet he felt as distant as ever. 

You settled in on your couch, cradling his jacket at the thought of how much longer this would continue, forcing yourself to sleep in hopes of ridding the feeling of emptiness from your chest.

But you couldn't.

Your mind drowned struggling to sleep, giving up on shut-eye as a whole until eventually you began swimming, swimming through your emotions and one particular thought stood out to you; this wasn't fucking fair. 

It just wasn't, none of this was. You can't let him continue this, can't remain on the fence about doing something and you certainly cannot just let this go. It was your duty as one of the active partners in this relationship to fight for its life, so that's exactly what you were going to do—with one conclusion you were convinced would work. 

You should give him a taste of his own medicine. 

You decided to be upset, ignore him and see how he reacts. Respond with the same curt responses, not give him the time of day, 'naturally' gravitate away from him. Hell, you could start tomorrow by waking up earlier than him and seeing how he responds to your empty side of bed for once. 

That's if he even comes home tonight. 

This seemed like the only sure-fire method of gaining his attention. Maybe if you acted unreasonably, far from how you usually do he would finally pay you any mind, have to approach and confront you. You’d always let him off the hook on the account of him being an idol, but now he’s taken it too far. 

Your mind grew hazy somewhere in between thinking and shuffling on the couch, only the sight of a vacant apartment and the scent of his cologne lulling you to sleep. 

You groaned as your eyes fluttered open, the reality of last night resurfacing as you remembered the impromptu plan for today, cursing how early you had to wake up to avoid him. 

You lazily rubbed at your eyes as they landed on the clock on your bedside table, suddenly registering you were in a different room altogether. It was then you felt the softness of your pillow, the silk of your sheets, the familiarity of your room's walls coming into view—all of it blissful until you froze at the feeling of weight around your waist, a quick glance confirming it was an arm. It was then you felt your neck being fanned by hot breaths, your back flush against someone's bare chest and you felt your heart speed up. 

Is he...?

Thinking you're getting ahead of yourself, you're proven just right when you turn around to a face you knew all too well. 

Taehyung's soft figure rose and fell as he slept soundlessly next to you. 

You instantly softened, in a bit of shock because he was right there, angelic as ever as he breathed calmly and cuddled your smaller figure into him.

He still held you to fall asleep, huh?

A smile found your face at the thought as you admired the details of his; thick, pretty lashes pressed against the skin underneath his eyes, his large, veiny hand tucked under his cheek as the other draped you, his pink, pillowy lips sealed together in an adorable pout. You shifted onto your side and nuzzled closer into him, listening to his rhythmic breathing and watching his broad chest rise and fall. You melted into his presence, soaking in all the glory that was Kim Taehyung. 

You then remembered he was always here, he did give you his personal time; you just didn't see him. You knew he moved you at night, tucked you in, maybe kissed you goodnight. Maybe he had moments where he felt terrible for being away, whispered sweet apologies and promises into your ear.

But then again, you wouldn’t know, you didn't spend enough time together for you to know. 

A sudden movement of his arm and that eerie thought snapped you back into reality, instantly scolding yourself for getting distracted by him. You had to focus on how you felt, hone in your emotions and refrain from doting on your precious boyfriend. 

You wouldn't be able to ignore him later if you didn't start now.

You were forced to leave his warmth, having to ready yourself for today's rehearsals and resolving numerous things for however long this would continue; you needed Taehyung to feel what you've been feeling all this time, needed him to feel the absence of your presence just as you had felt his. 

And you'll be damned if you were going to be easy about it. 

A couple hours had passed as you stretched, yawning after revising a rehearsal video, the murmurs of staff keeping you awake. Stretching for what felt like the millionth time, you slightly jumped at the sound of the studio doors opening just before the scheduled time. You watched it mindfully, your heart speeding up at the thought of suddenly seeing Taehyung so soon. 

Don’t let it be him first, don’t let it be him first, don’t let it be him first. 

You calmed down once your eyes set on 5 of the members ambling in, watching them greet people until you eventually spotted Jimin and Taehyung trailing behind, thankfully too occupied with giggling to see you. 

You rejoiced in the lack of eye contact until you decided to sneak a peek at Taehyung, mortified when you found his eyes suddenly locking with yours. The shock made you turn away instantly, swallowing what felt like your heart down your throat. 

Your ears were welcomed to the boys making conversation, playfully teasing the 95's for apparently being late and in the midst you managed to shyly greet everyone... except Taehyung.  

And this didn't go unnoticed by him, who already felt worried since he woke up to your cold, unoccupied side of the bed this morning. Taehyung instantly found it off-putting, since he usually knew your schedule and left him wondering what reason you had to disappear without informing him. 

Curiosity flooded him as the thought continued to bug him, what did she have to do so early in the morning? His inquiries turned into actions when he began passing through the boys, immediately stepping towards you. 

"Morning, Y/N. Everything alright?" Taehyung innocently reached for your shoulder once he settled beside you. You almost let him do it, making you reminiscent of when he actually gave a shit about you, but you remembered your little scheme and swiftly pulled away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Taehyung immediately froze up, disbelief riddling his handsome features. You've never once rejected his touch so blatantly. 

You would never do that, he thought.

Taehyung paused his hand at the point he would have touched you, tugging at his bottom lip uncomfortably before rubbing the back of his neck. You internally winced at the hurt you could see on his face through the studio mirrors, forcing yourself to stand your ground as he feebly spoke again.

"You don't seem fine. Why did you wake up so early this morning? You didn't tell me about it..." He scratched his neck awkwardly, a hint of a pout in his tone.

"I don't know, I just couldn't sleep. I don't need to tell you my every move, Taehyung." You responded curtly.

"I know..but you could've told me, Jagiya. We could've spent the morning together in the apartment if you were up so early." Taehyung looked at you in protest, lowering his voice so others couldn't hear. 

The use of your pet name after a long time instantly ticked you off, even more so his proposal, he could say all that cute shit but couldn't act upon it? 

Irritation nestled its way under your skin, causing you to whisper dryly, “Just get to stretching, Taehyung, we have a lot to go over today.”

His jaw clenched as he swallowed, a troubled expression painting his face. He managed a small 'okay' before he unwillingly stepped away.

Taehyung was beyond confused; something was wrong, seriously wrong. It wasn't just your harsh tone or icy aura, but even in the way you addressed him so plainly as Taehyung. 

He didn't understand, he's seen you mad or annoyed before, but nothing along these lines and he couldn’t piece together the reason for your attitude. It seemed like nothing would ameliorate your mood either, leaving Taehyung cursing whatever evil thing was making you so upset. 

Despite experiencing that bitter demeanour, however, Taehyung was forced to watch you act friendly with everyone else during practice.. except him. 

And what was even worse, he watched you do so for the rest of the week. You had gone a whole week with your (what he found to be) ridiculous behaviour, everything about you so different with him he was left consumed with frustration. 

He watched as you continued to treat everyone else the same, getting a little too close to them than he liked. It was something he noticed in the weeks previous to this, but now silently pissed him off even more because this time you decided to purposefully exclude him; and he hated it. You barely spoke or tended to him over the course of the week, Taehyung's envy blooming in his chest at the way you acted so close to everyone yet treated him, your boyfriend, like a stranger. 

He didn't understand why he was the only one, you talked to Jimin about what he did on his days off, pretended to box with Jungkook, danced around with Yoongi and Hoseok and goofed around with Jin and Namjoon. Hell, he even found you socializing with other staff and dancers more than usual. 

Taehyung couldn't fucking stand it, what in the world was wrong with you? Not only did he figure something was clearly wrong, but that he clearly did something wrong. 

He was beyond confused, annoyed, but more so worried as to what was fuelling your actions. Taehyung didn't know what he did, and he couldn't manage not knowing anymore, most of all despising the feeling that he was suddenly losing you. 

He quickly resolved after a gruesome week he wasn't letting you go after rehearsals tonight, giving a fat fuck you to his evening plans and trading them in for confronting you. 

Your eyes stung from a week’s worth of waking up at the ass crack of dawn to avoid Taehyung, rubbing your eyes as you slung your purse over your shoulder to end another day at the studio. Thinking you were alone, you swiveled around to an empty room and surprisingly spotted Taehyung.

You jumped a little, not expecting him to still be here when you knew he had dinner plans tonight. 

Did he cancel them? 

Suddenly realizing this is the first time in over a month you’ve been in a room with him, alone, and especially after the week you've spent purposefully dodging him, anxiety flooded your chest. 

Your eyes flittered around, nibbling on your lip awkwardly as you pretended he wasn't there. You eventually met his eyes and he returned your hesitant gaze with an intense one, nearly peering into your very soul. He remained unbothered with his hands tucked into his pockets, and now that you were finally viewing him, couldn't help but swoon over his look for the day. 

He really chose to wear that damn grey hoodie with matching grey sweatpants that makes you weak, hair styled in the messy curls he's been sporting ever since his perm and wearing that one silver hoop earring you found incredibly hot. 

He looked like a fluffy puppy but also a full-course meal crafted by God himself. 

This isn't fucking fair at all. 

He noticed you staring at him and his head cocked to the side, studying you with a hint of a smirk. He raised an eyebrow tauntingly, like he wouldn't let you go after trapping you in what felt like shackles around your ankles. You could only swallow dryly, averting your eyes and reminding yourself you had to get out of his trance

His power over you was immense, especially when he flipped his curly fringe from his eyes, examining you with such a fiere, unreadable expression you shifted nervously on your feet. 

How is he so dominant when he's standing a whole 15 fucking feet away from you?

You watched a self-satisfying grin play onto Taehyung’s lips, loving the way you squirmed under his undivided attention until he suddenly began stepping in your direction, sheer panic overtaking you. You weren't ready, you didn't really think of the result of this plan and now that it's worked, you knew you were in trouble. 

Taehyung is unpredictable as hell, you never knew what was running through his mind and which idea he’d pick to entertain. You malfunctioned at the thought and your flight response kicked in, making you step towards the door at light speed. 

"I..uh.. I have to go." You stuttered and purposely ducked around him. You felt relieved once you passed his deep stare, until you felt his slender fingers suddenly grapple onto your wrist. 

Shit. 

"You're not going anywhere." His low voice reverberated in the room, sending currents through your body. You refused to look at him, knowing it would make you squeal, but you stabilized your voice to speak. 

"I..", you swallowed, "don't think it's your place to say." 

You felt his hold on your wrist tighten, knowing that pissed him off. 

A small moment of silence passed and you thought he'd given up, relaxing until he suddenly yanked you towards him, your smaller figure crashing into his chest. He held you against his tall body as his eyes locked with your timid ones, forcing the confrontation of your obvious issue with him. 

You took a stubborn step back instead of giving in, arms crossed. Taehyung had enough of you evading his look and gently lifted your chin with his index finger.

"My place? It's been a fucking week and you haven't even looked at me, Y/N. What is your problem?" He emphasized with annoyance, but his soft eyes gave away he was just desperate for an answer. 

"Nothing's wrong, Taehyung, I'm just tired."

"Oh really? Tired? Y/N, don't think I didn't notice you ignore me for an entire week. I thought something was wrong in general but clearly you have a problem with me and only me. What's your deal?" He vented in frustration, tone utterly displeased.

You only scoffed disbelievingly, looking towards the ground in search of something to hold back your piled-high emotions. 

Taehyung grew tired of your silence and sighed with dejection. He cupped your cheeks and looked at you seriously, "Look at me, bubs, what's so wrong? Did I do something?" the newfound frailty in his voice left you sucking in a breath of guilt. 

You really wanted to voice how you felt, teetering on the possibility until you suddenly became aware you'd be requesting demands from one of the busiest people on Earth.

 Your tongue habitually tied itself. 

"It's just.. It's not important, Taehyung. Let me go." You abruptly turned out of his hold, locking your jaw tightly. 

"Why in God's name would I let you go? Something's wrong, Jagiya, and that's always going to be important to me." Taehyung squeezed your arms affectionately, suddenly warming you to him. 

You could instantly feel your emotions conflicting inside, flooding your chest with regret yet frustration so heavy you needed air. Your eyes were beginning to reveal your vulnerability, trying to blink away threatening tears. 

"Taehyung, just let me go, it's absolutely nothing." Your voice sounded shakily unconvincing and yet, you were tugging yourself away as if he would believe you. 

"It's not nothing, I can clearly see something wrong. Why won't you just tell me?" 

"Because I don't want to tell you, Taehyung. It's really just nothing." 

"You keep saying it's nothing but I can see it in your eyes, you're upset, Jagiya. I know you." Taehyung spoke matter-of-factly, his grip and tone growing desperate.

"I'm not upset, I'm just exhausted." 

"Exhuasted..” Taehyung trailed, licking his lips. “Of course, because now you're waking up earlier than you usually do in the morning and on top of that without even fucking telling me why." His tone grew irritated as he scoffed, looking away from you.

You instantly grew annoyed. 

"And I told you I don't need to tell you my every move, Kim. Why are you even so pissed about it?” 

"Did you just.. family name me?" Taehyung narrowed his eyes

"So what if I did?" You deadpanned. 

Taehyung let out a deep sigh. 

"I’m pissed cause I got worried, okay? Not everyone has a situation like ours where anyone could do shit to you because of me, so I like knowing where you are." Taehyung stressed with a serious tone. "And listen, I’m not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong. I'm fucking serious, Jagi, you did not just ignore me all week only to tell me nothing's wrong." 

"And I'm not gonna say anything. I'm fucking serious, Taehyung." You mimicked him, hoping he'd let you go. 

Taehyung dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek and chuckled dryly, your impossibility unbelievable to him. He pursed his lips before slowly releasing you, his hands up in mock surrender. 

"Fine, you can leave then." 

You took his words without a second thought and immediately turned for the door. You had just cracked it open before Taehyung’s hand suddenly smacked it shut from behind, making you turn around startled. 

He abruptly pinned you against the door with the weight of his body, locking you in with both arms. He leveled himself to your height and peered directly into your eyes.

"And I told you, I'm not letting you go, Ms. Y/L/N." Taehyung now mimicked you as you felt him dominate you with a degree of alpha-male that left you entranced and unable to move. He drew himself closer to your face, so close that he granted no room for you to breathe. You could only stand in defeat, your doe eyes wide as you flashed them to his lips and back to his eyes. 

Taehyung couldn't resist how much he wanted you anymore.

"I always forget how challenging you can be." He spoke in his deepest, sultriest tone, that damn bass paired with his dancing eyes causing you to bite your lip. 

Taehyung watched you do so and grew hot, finding you irresistible when you were acting impossible yet became putty in his hands. You balled your hands into fists against his chest as he dangerously inched towards your neck, his proximity shooting arousal through your blood. 

His scent was intoxicating, resurfacing the numerous thoughts you had of him in his absence. He manifested butterflies in your chest,  knowing you had to resist him yet found yourself giving in.

He finally ducked into your neck, anticipating the connection of his lips until he only ghosted your skin. He breathed against you purposefully to elicit a reaction, gifted his desire when he felt your body lean into him and breath hitch. 

You hated that you wanted him to kiss you already. You craved him so desperately, so in need of his touch that just the feeling of his body pushing you against the door was enough to make you press your thighs together. 

And little did you know, a month and a week without you left Taehyung dying to devour you. 

As if noticing you getting impatient, he pulled you towards him by your waist and his lips finally crashed onto your neck, a silent groan escaping you as his plush lips began mouthing sensually. You let out a breathy moan but gathered the courage to speak up, knowing full well the high creeping up on you and you needed to get back at him.

"Maybe if you were home more often you'd remember." 

A small laugh escaped Taehyung, "So that's what this is about?" The sudden puff of his breath made you want to jump him. He deliberately pushed his hips into yours, shooting jolts throughout your core once you felt the familiar prodding of something hard. He began sliding one of his hands up and down your waist, almost in an effort to distract you. 

"Of course it is, Tae. You're never fucking home." You spoke with vexation, growing both sexually and emotionally frustrated over the way he was pressing you up against the door and inviting a stirring feeling to constrict your insides. He brought his thigh in between your legs, slightly grinding against you as he added pressure to your heat and sucked your sweet spot.

"I'm never fucking home, huh? Who do you think moves you from the couch to our bed? Makes sure you're comfortable and tucks you in? Kisses you goodnight?" He asked rhetorically, letting his teeth bite at your supple flesh and embellish you with his favourite purple marks.

"T-that's not the point, Taehyung. I'm not awake. H-how does that count as you being home?" You retaliated as best you could, snaking your hands to grab the nape of his neck, fingers trailing into the curly ends of his hair. He groaned so audibly that you grew shamelessly hornier.

"Because I do come home. I sleep next to you in our bed, even cuddle you." He began sucking underneath your jaw, wrapping his arm around your torso to press you flush against him. He kissed down your throat trying to bite and leave more hickies, pushing you back for support.

"I-I just told you, that doesn't count, Tae. You... come home when I'm asleep and leave before I wake up. I-I never see you." You tried to maintain your composure, hands hugging his head close to you. 

"But we already see each other here, don't we? You see me at practice, meetings, in the building... no?" He suddenly came off your neck and his hand flanked to your chin, advancing for a kiss. But immediate annoyance flooded you upon registering his words, pulling your face back. 

"Are you kidding me? You count that as seeing each other? All we do is rehearse choreography and work together. How is that 'seeing' each other?" You asked, baffled at his audacity. 

"Because we're at least together, aren't we? Isn't that all that matters?" Taehyung looked at you as if you were the ridiculous one, ignoring your concerns and trying to kiss you again. You immediately removed yourself from him and pushed him back, his hands letting you go.

"That's not the issue, Tae. The issue is that you're really busy and I get that, but we literally haven't done anything together in the last month. And the reason that sounds insane to me is because we work and live together, you'd expect that somewhere in that time we would’ve done something... but we haven't." You emphasized as you pled your case. 

"Princess, we've been over this. I told you at the beginning of our comeback that our time together was gonna be limited. I remember you agreeing to that and understanding. Why is this coming up now?" 

"So going an entire month neglecting your ‘princess' is what you meant? Your 'limited' seems more like 'nothing at all'.” You air quoted and crossed your arms, becoming annoyed with his ambiguity and sudden use of another pet name. 

"Okay, that's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that comeback season is busy, it's one thing after another and I can't always keep up with everything. There’s a lot going on; our album, company business, don’t get me started on the mountain of work with promotions, concerts, filming and photoshoots. I'm even making an entire fucking mixtape. I’m trying my damn best here." Taehyung vouched for himself, holding his hands up to defend against your accusations.

"And I'm not saying you don't try, I understand that you're busy but what I’m saying is I don't even feel important to you anymore, let alone a priority. We barely interact, you never do anything with me or talk to me, but for everyone else you’ve got all the effort in the world to spare. I get that you're an idol, I always see you working hard and I'm proud of that. But you somehow make time for everything else.. why can't you just make some time for me?" You felt like you sounded selfish, almost faltering from revealing anymore but you felt so neglected it had to be said. 

"Wh-what about you? Oh my God, Jagiya.. you're such a high priority to me. Trust me, you really don’t know what I'd do for us and you should know I’d damn well do or sacrifice anything. It may seem like I'm not right now but I promise it's not like that. You'll always be important to me, how could you think otherwise?" Taehyung was perplexed by your sudden outburst, never having known of these feelings before. He reached his hands out to you but you abruptly denied him, snapping at the question.

“Then what’s it ‘like’, exactly? Because it seems very much to me like you want nothing to do with our relationship.” 

“No, that’s-that’s not it at all. Don’t worry about this, okay bubs? Overthinking this won’t do you any good, just trust me.” 

“Trust you? You're not even answering my damn question, Taehyung, what is it then? Why aren’t you telling me? Are you fucking hiding something?” You began speculating, his repeated vagueness irking you.

“Jagi, no, just listen to me. Know that I mean it when I say you’re important to me, you’re the love of my life and you'll always be a priority. Why are you thinking like this? Where is all this coming from?” Taehyung asked incredulously, getting on your very last nerve. 

"I don't fucking know, Taehyung, maybe because you ignore me for hours on end? Maybe because you leave me every morning without considering just waking up together? I know we can't make it obvious we live together, but we’ve always found a way before, what happened to that? Your texts and phone calls are so meaningless. You make time for your friends and other people but don't make any for me." Your eyes turned glassy, tears escaping as you recalled your terrible feelings over the last month. 

"Do you know why you find me sleeping on the couch every night no matter how fucking uncomfortable it is? Because our bed literally smells like you and it constantly reminds me of you but you’re not even there. Do you know how many times I've wanted to talk to you but you're too distracted and I know you'd just push me away? Or how scared I am of bothering you? How many times I've wanted you to come home? How utterly empty and lonely the apartment feels without you even though everything about you is riddled all over it? You don't get it, Taehyung. You just don't fucking get it." You found yourself crying and clutched your chest where it felt like your heart was on display for Taehyung, the reality of everything hitting you like a 16-wheeler. 

Taehyung did nothing but blink at you for several seconds, shocked at what he just heard. Were you seriously.. that upset? His absence was that prominent? It didn't even feel like a month to him, but it seems to you it felt like an eternity. 

Taehyung unfortunately only knew his packed schedule and making sure he didn’t fall asleep where he shouldn't. A multitude of things ran through his mind on a daily basis with his chaotic life; discussing outfits with his stylist, trying to purchase that new serum his makeup artist always reminds him of, meeting with a producer to review freshly composed songs for his mixtape or finally going out for that one drink he always promised a friend or two—and he suddenly hated it all. 

He especially began to loathe his demanding life when he saw the hurt on your face; the way your eyes glistened with pain, the loneliness in your voice, the way you tried physically holding yourself together. He couldn't fathom he was the cause of such pain, wincing at how utterly stupid he was for not noticing this earlier.

I really did do something to her.

He searched for anything to say, beginning to form words but quickly stopping himself from starting a sentence each time. He only examined your crumbling state and regretted not having talked to you sooner, but suddenly wishing you informed him about your feelings preemptively.

"I.. I thought you would've said something, Y/N, but you didn't. How am I supposed to know you feel this way if you don't tell me? You-you seemed okay to me." He inquired softly, tone riddled with guilt, but his words only made a disdainful scoff leave your lips. 

"Told you? Taehyung, you have always made it clear that you're a busy person and I've always respected that. You also made clear the importance of this comeback and that I just had to understand how limited our time together would be. Of course I had to act okay. How could you expect me to come and beg you for your attention after you tell me not to seek it?"

Taehyung was taken aback, falling silent. You watched him angrily, finding it unbelievable he really had nothing to say for such a crucial argument. 

"I was fucking embarrassed, Taehyung. I thought you'd get mad at me for hovering around you while you were busy and stressed. I didn't want to fucking suffocate you." 

"What? Jagi, no, this is important. I wouldn't have reacted like that at all. If you were hurting this much you could've told me and I would've done something. You can always talk to me, how could you not know that?" Taehyung inquired with a hint of accusation and it was like every cell in your body had set off.

"Oh fuck you, Kim Taehyung. Don't give me that bullshit! Of course I know, but I also know that you just get caught up in your own world and your extravagant idol life and I don't wanna fucking bother you when you’re living it without me!" 

"Y/N, don't. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, can you watch your tone a little?" Taehyung asked with a frustrated timbre.

"You know what? I won't, Taehyung, let's fight. Only way to get your attention, isn't it?" Your feelings had reached its peak as you decided to egg him on.

"Don't do this, Y/N. I'm trying to have a civilized conversation." 

"And I don't want a civilized conversation, it's only making you ask me stupid questions." 

"They're not stupid questions. Can you not understand my side of this?" 

"Nope, I won't because I don't care about your side, actually." 

"The fuck? And you just expect me to understand your side when you won't even try to understand mine? I’m expected to know how you feel? Well news flash, Y/N, I can't exactly read minds.” He humorlessly tapped his head for effect, quipping at you harshly.

"I'm not asking you to read my mind, I'm just asking you to fucking pay attention for once in your goddamn life." You rolled your eyes dramatically, arms crossed tight as ever. 

Taehyung noticeably grew angry at the remark, his eyes narrowing in irritation. "Do not tell me of all people I don't pay attention. You know I've changed over the years but how attentive I am hasn't. Don't ever say that to me again." Taehyung's stern voice warned you of the line you were crossing.

You immediately softened and turned your attitude down a notch, only by a margin since you knew he would never grow angry enough to do anything to you.

"Fine, you pay attention, but clearly not enough." You acquiesced, looking away from him. 

Taehyung tried his best to reason now that he sensed you yielding. "Look, this is my first time hearing about this, okay? I had no clue, especially because you seemed and acted fine with me. Of course I'm going to tell you you should've just talked to me, I'm seriously not asking stupid questions." 

"Well, I didn't want to talk to you." 

"And how was that going to help you? It's only making us argue over something so easily fixable." He indirectly accused you and you returned your eyes to his, narrowing them at his audacity. 

"Wow, easily fixable, huh? Do you really think it takes that little to earn my forgiveness after neglecting me for an entire month? Am I that easy to you?" You smiled to yourself miserably, turning away as tears spilled from you. 

Your assumptions were correct, he really just thought of you as some easy pushover. Part of this was your fault, wasn't it? Being so quiet and passive about everything. You voluntarily let him get away with everything, let him slip away without a fight, and the frustration of that realization came washing down on you, hard. 

"No, wait. That's not what I meant. I just meant that if you'd let me known earlier, we wouldn't be fighting like this." Taehyung instantly softened at your tears with regret, internally facepalming himself.

"I didn't want to openly tell you, okay? It makes me seem...like an attention-seeker, and I was so afraid of bothering you." You wore your heart on your sleeve as your voice wavered, more tears escaping as you attempted to blink them away. 

Taehyung looked at you with overwhelming worry. His heart was beyond broken now, his desire to fix everything growing stronger with every tear that dared escape your eyes. 

He needed to make this right, fast.

"It doesn't make you a fucking attention-seeker, Y/N. Stop being so worried about how you appear to me, I'm with you for a reason. I accept you in any way, especially after how much we fought for this, for us. Your feelings too, they're all fucking valid to me. I really would've done something if you’d just told me how you felt." Taehyung practically pleaded, his pouty lips and devastated eyes making it clear he just wanted to reach some sort of consensus with you. 

"But that's the problem, Tae." You sniffled, wiping some tears. "You keep saying I should’ve told you, when you should've noticed on your own in the first place." 

Taehyung felt like someone had slapped him across the face, his lips parting as a deep look of realization dawned on his gorgeous face. "I…" He trailed, but couldn't let words out. He was realizing how stupid he was, how unobservant and ignorant. He hated it all, hated that he was so busy, hated that he didn't pay enough attention and hated that he hurt you. 

You gave up when his lack of words warranted a tense silence between you two, cut short when you hastily left the room. You walked in the direction of the parking lot angrily. You just needed some air, needed to go home and cleanse yourself of him for the time being. 

You thought you were being quick enough, until you heard laboured footsteps and Taehyung's low voice echoing in the hallway, tailing you. 

"Y/N! Wait, wait! Please, don’t walk away!" Taehyung practically begged as he rushed to your side.

"I'm not gonna wait for anything, I'm going home!" 

"Stop! My manager's gonna take us home tonight, okay? We're gonna talk about this." He stated with solidarity as he grabbed your arm, eager to patch things up.

"No we're not, and I have my own car, I'm getting myself home." You snatched your arm from him and marched on.

"You can leave it here for fuck's sake, and I said stop. We're going home together and sorting this out because I can't leave you like this, okay? We need to fix this."

"Awh, all I'm getting from that is you'll finally be home for once!" You chirped sarcastically, never looking at him as you practically stomped away. You saw him falter from your side, knowing he had to have paused at the heft of your comment. 

You both eventually made it through the building’s doors, you needing to be pretty much dragged into his manager’s car despite your vehement protest, stupidly shut into the back with him.

You were turned away putting on an Oscar’s worthy performance of pretending he wasn’t there, and Taehyung was left to canvas his numerous thoughts as the car drove. 

He realized he had said nothing to your comment earlier because.. you were right. 

When was the last time he sat in a car with you like this? The last time you were both home together? The last time you both lazily threw your things onto the floor once you arrived home and immediately smothered each other after holding back all day? The last time he held you in his arms while you two watched a trashy movie? 

Holy fuck, when was the last time we had sex? Made love? 

He could only think of memories from weeks ago in quarantine, nothing recent. His solemn gaze fell upon you as he thought. He could feel the prominent tension between you two, the gut-wrenching distance, leaving a black hole swallowing his heart. He felt no ease, no affection, no love. 

When did it fucking become like this? 

He was still struggling to stomach the fact that he hurt you. He watched you regretfully, tears pricking at his eyes as he saw you attempting to hold back your own. 

He then felt the sudden need to hold you, to comfort you. You had been pulling away from him for so long that he wanted nothing but to feel his large, warm hand cradle your smaller, colder one. Reassure you that while he's stupid, he's still here. 

Taehyung looked at you and leaned over, deciding to gently slide a reaffirming hand atop yours, gripping your fingers with all the love and warmth he could muster. 

He expected you to reject him, nearly giving up on a reaction until he felt your tentative hand just barely grab his back. Surprised, he took a relaxed breath. 

I'm going to fix this.

Taehyung shut the door as you two sauntered into your apartment and you disregarded your things, heading straight for your room. You thought it would make Taehyung leave you alone, but he caught your hand as you began stepping away. He didn’t yank you; simply held your wrist, still and remorseful with your back to him. 

A long pause passed as he stood in place, silence piercing the air until you spoke coldly, "What do you want?"

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could manage, his once powerful voice so incredibly small. 

You searched for a response, the air becoming somewhat suffocating as you sighed. “I know.” 

“No, you don’t. Jagiya, I mean it. I mean it with everything I have. I'm so sorry” Taehyung insisted with meaning, like he was seconds away from falling apart if you didn't believe him. 

You could hear the sincerity in his words and you could feel how heartbroken he was, but your exhaustion amassed with all the emotions that had been attacking you all week were discouraging you from participating in any conversation right now. 

“You may mean it, but that’s not fixing anything, Taehyung. You really don’t know how it felt to have you ignore me. To see you unaffected by our time apart. It felt like you were pushing me away, like I wasn’t worth your fucking time anymore.” 

“That’s wrong, Jagiya. You are always worth my time.” 

“Then maybe you’re just a contradictive jerk, Taehyung, I don’t know!” You threw your hands up as you broke his hold, turning around vexed. 

"Because one day you're telling me to basically fuck off because you're too busy but the next you're saying I'm worth all your time? Where the fuck was that the last month then? All you had to do was spare me a couple hours a week, just a couple. I wasn't even asking for much, you could've made the time!"

“I'm sorry, okay! I’m a jerk, I get it, but I had a reason! I have a fucking reason but right now I want to apologize and say I'm sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel like that, I’m sorry I neglected you and made you feel alone, I never intended that!” Taehyung sincerely implored, eyes worried and persistent as he reached for you. 

“Then what did you intend? Saying sorry after the fact does nothing. If you didn’t intend to hurt me then what did you intend to do?!”  You shouted, evading his touch again. 

“I was doing it for you! The reason was all for you, for us!”

You couldn’t help but laugh as anger seeped into your blood, unbelieving of whatever excuses you thought he was making up. 

“For me? Us? Really? Wow, did you suddenly quit your job as an idol to become comedian of the fucking year?” You quipped venomously. "How the fuck is you ignoring me for a month 'for our relationship'?" 

Taehyung was trying hard to calm himself down, thinking twice about how he was going to handle this. "Y/N, please, just try to trust me on this." 

You scoffed disbelievingly, shaking your head as you quickly made your way further into the apartment and over to your TV. Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed as he watched you reach towards the shelf underneath it. It was adorned with cherished photos of the people you both held most dear; family, friends, the boys. Most of them consisted of Taehyung entertaining his love for photography, having snapped stunning photos of scenery, people or a combination of both he adored enough to frame. 

But many were of you two, either in front of gorgeous landscapes or adorable candids. You picked up a photograph of you two in Daegu—Taehyung's big arms enveloping yours from behind as you hooked onto them, all smiles in front of his family's strawberry farm after his camera’s timer snapped the photo.

“See this? This is something you did for us, you told me you only take and frame photos of the most beautiful moments in your life, and you gave this to me telling me it was your favourite moment.” You placed the frame down, opting to grab the gray Sherpa blanket off the couch in front of you. 

“This? You got this for me after I was diagnosed with anemia during Christmas and had been shivering for months. You told me not to worry because you’d always keep me warm and whenever you weren’t there I could use this blanket instead, think of it as you. You did that for me.” You disregarded the blanket and held up your wrist. 

“This bracelet? You got it for our anniversary and made it our equivalent of promise rings because you know I hate rings. You even made sure your bracelet matched in a way that other people wouldn't notice and was only special to us." You watched as Taehyung slightly lifted his left hand to look at the mentioned bracelet. "You did that for me, for us.” Tears were brimming your eyes as you spoke, voice growing shaky.

“Taehyung, you did all those sweet and thoughtful things for us, for me. Those are the kinds of things you should be doing, not fucking hurting me by acting like I don't matter to you, making me question everything. What’s wrong with you? How could you scare me like that? Treat me like I’m nothing and say it’s for our relationship?”

“You're not, you're not nothing." Taehyung's voice caught in his throat, trying hard to dry his glassy eyes.

"I get it, Y/N. I fucking get it, what I’m doing right now may not seem as sweet as all those other things, but I promise it’s as thoughtful, it's still all for you. I’m serious when I say that, this is all because I love you. Why can’t you just believe me?” 

"And why can’t you just say what it is? Why won't you tell me? Are you hiding something? Taehyung, what you did felt like anything but love-" 

"That’s not true. The reason is insignificant right now because I didn't mean to hurt you, I’m so fucking sorry.” Taehyung's voice shook with genuity, trying once again to approach you, gingerly, affectionately. 

Your anger couldn’t subside with the way he kept side-tracking, however, your emotions growing erratic again. "Are you kidding me? Insignificant? The reason is the most important! Just tell me, why did you ignore me for an entire fucking month?!” 

"I said it's not fucking important right now. I want to apologize first, I didn’t mean to do it!" Taehyung was desperate to reason, eyes begging you to believe him. 

“It is important! Tell me what you’re hiding.”  

“It’s not important.”

“Yes it is!”

“No it isn’t!” 

“Yes it is!” 

“No it isn’t! I'm trying to earn your forgiveness firs-Y/N, what are you.." Taehyung’s eye widened in shock.  

He couldn't finish his sentence because he watched you grab a cushion from the couch and suddenly launch it in his direction.

"What the fuck? What are you doing?!” Taehyung exclaimed as he dodged, his large hands instinctively catching the object, looking at you like a confused puppy. “Did you just throw that at me?!” 

“I did! And I'll do it again until you tell me what you’re hiding!” You challenged him like a child and started reaching for throwable things. Pens, notepads, books, even a stray plastic water bottle all went hurtling towards Taehyung. 

You couldn’t stop throwing out of frustration, his unfair gift of ambidextrous hands and incredible catching skills making you even more frustrated. 

Did he really have to be made so fucking perfect? 

He continued defending himself from your attacks until he grew annoyed, “For the love of God, Y/N, stop throwing shit! Just put everything down and listen to me, you have to trust me before I can even explain myself!” Taehyung shouted more so with concern for you, dodging a bottle of vitamins. 

Now why the fuck was that just lying around? 

You snorted condescendingly, "Again with that, trust you?" You mocked as the TV remote came into your hand. 

"You know what, Taehyung? Let me explain for you, you’ve just found someone new who's not fucking staff, haven’t you? Our relationship got too difficult and you’ve finally had enough. You’re hiding shit to save my feelings, aren’t you?” You accused him much to your dismay, angry tears pooling in your eyes.

"What-no! Fuck no I would never do or think any of that!" Taehyung vehemently denied, finally having reached you and wrestled you for the remote. He eventually pried it out of your hands, throwing it away and holding your wrists as you resisted him.

 "It’s none of that, alright? I was just so damn stressed and I had way too much work. There’s so much going on, it fucks with me and I didn't want to make you my fucking mental care, unload my idol life crap onto you. You're working just as hard and I didn't want to burden you.”  Taehyung desperately revealed trying to reach you, upset that you could even think such ridiculous, lowly things of him. 

"Don't you dare use work as an excuse. I know you were busy and stressed, but you were making time for everyone else in your life except me. Just say it, Tae. I know you're tired of us!"

"Fucking-Y/N, it's literally not that at all. I was actually busy, okay? What I said is true!" Taehyung pleaded, he knew he was only telling part of the truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie.

"It can't just be that, there's no way. What are you hiding from me? I'm serious, I'll leave this conversation if you don't, I'll leave this apartment if you don't-” 

"No! Just-alright! You really wanna know so badly?” Taehyung inquired rhetorically, his jaw locking. “Fine then. You fucking got found out.” 

You stopped fighting him and blinked, confusion riddling all your features. Taehyung sighed deeply and continued before you could say anything.  

“We got too comfortable, okay? I'm still an idol and our team heard a shit ton of rumours spreading outside the company about me dating someone. They controlled most and knew any remaining ones would just turn into baseless gossip since nobody knew your identity. I’d just get talked about which I didn't care about. But people somehow started finding your face, your name, and your information was spreading fast. Management was scared you'd be made public especially with reporters and cameras so up our asses these days and watching us. I was terrified when they told me. I couldn't let anyone know you, not when they’d do or say shit to you just because we're together… so I had to do something."

Now it was your turn to stand in shock for several seconds, utterly wide-eyed at the bullet you didn't even know Taehyung was keeping from you. 

“What-what the fuck? What do you mean? When did this happen?" 

"The same time I started 'ignoring' you. Nobody pressured me to break up with you, but I was warned to dissolve the rumours asap. I took matters into my own hands by acting the way I did to get people thinking we were either broken up or never dating in the first place. I hated doing it.. but it started working. I didn't want to tell you anything because I knew you'd just say we could solve everything together when we weren't in a position to do so." Taehyung wasn't hiding his clear anguish, upset having to recall his awful memories of the ordeal.

You were still shocked at how little you knew, finding yourself at least understanding of his actions and reasoning, but crossed your mind better ways to have dealt with this; especially ones that didn't entail hurting you.

"But Taehyung, you should've let me known. If you had just told me I wouldn't have gotten hurt like this. Why would you keep this from me?"

"I just.. I couldn't tell you. It felt like I was breaking up with you and I couldn't handle it. Even when I finally had the balls to do it I ended up prolonging because I just got so busy and pushed everything away to focus. I felt like I could deal with it on my own, fix it all by myself. I didn't want to drop this on you when you were busy too." 

You exhaled harshly, hating how unfair this entire situation was. "You could’ve told me with something like this, Taehyung. I can't just let you carry the burden all on your own, this entire problem had to do with me. We promised we wouldn’t keep shit from each other especially considering the circumstances of our relationship. Why would you break that promise?" Your eyes welled up again, inhaling painfully. 

Taehyung paused, scoffing humorlessly. "Yeah? I broke that promise? Jagi...you broke that promise too." 

You blinked again, his eyes piercing yours poignantly as you could only look back at him in defeat. 

He was right. 

He was entirely right, you hid your feelings from him and never told him anything, a clear violation of that promise on your end. But you couldn't let his wrongdoings go either, not on this; the hurt, the doubt, the thoughts he made you think. That pain was making you fall apart and the reality of it all came crashing down on you. "An apology still can’t fix this, Taehyung. I want to go to bed, we'll talk about this tomorrow.” 

You pulled away and moved towards your room until Taehyung rushed in front of you, grabbing onto your arms.

“Wait! This isn’t over, baby please, just listen to me.” 

“It is for today, Taehyung. I can't do this right now.” 

“No, I don’t want tomorrow. I want this now, I want to talk to you now.” Taehyung insisted with what seemed like his entire being. He didn't want to spend tonight like this; he didn't want you to sleep upset, and neither did he. 

“Taehyung, you’re making me repeat myself. Let me go, please. I’m exhausted.” You choked on your words, swiping your tears. 

“No, I told you I’m not fucking letting you go, especially not now.” He gripped you stubbornly, searching for your eyes.

“Taehyung, for the love of God just let me go-”

“I said no!” Taehyung's volume suddenly pierced the room, his intense aura stilling you. 

He didn't sound angry. rather in need, like he was calling out to you with his entire heart and the tight hold on your arms gave it all away. 

You finally decided to pay attention to him. His tone beyond serious, his eyes swimming with worry. His miserable face and refusal to let you go regrettably softened you. You understood him, saw the desperation and concern behind all his actions. 

But he chose to neglect you. He made you feel alone, made you overthink numerous possibilities about your relationship and even question his feelings for you.

"You.." You exhaled with agony, swallowing hard. 

None of this was easy, the nights you spent curled up on the couch overthinking, lying to everyone that you were okay, working in the studio alone to get him off your mind, blaming yourself. The accumulated pain of all those days now manifested in your chest all at once, making your heart ache. 

"You made me feel like I wasn't important to you, like I wasn't worth your time. I.. thought you found someone better, easier.. that I wasn't enough for you." Your voice crumbled by the second, your mind jumping to the one conclusion you tried to avoid the most but couldn't any longer. 

"I thought you weren't in love with me anymore." 

Taehyung's heart shattered into a million pieces, overwhelming hurt piercing his chest so violently that tears instantly betrayed his eyes. 

He couldn't bear any of this anymore, the tension, the distance, couldn't bear that you ever thought such an awful thing. Small tears escaped him as he gently placed his hands on your face, looking into your eyes with insurmountable pain before colliding his lips with yours. 

He kissed you tenderly, passionately, like his mouth was dying to express how much he'd missed you, and trying harder to prove how utterly wrong your last words were. Before you could even reject him, you found your own lips mirroring the same longing, the same need after a painful month apart.

Your eyes fluttered shut as tears stained your cheeks, the sheer love you could feel in his kiss suddenly brightening any parts inside you that had grown dark because of him. He began working against your mouth hungrily, trying to commit every inch of your lips to his memory. 

The kiss was fervent, utterly desperate, your harsh breaths mingling together as his hands on your cheeks wiped your tears away gingerly and yours clutched his hoodie tightly.

It's like he was consuming all of you, attempting to deepen the kiss with every second that passed by as he pulled you closer. And for once this past month, you didn't feel like questioning his feelings for you, because he was now serving them on a silver platter, making it blatantly obvious he had never once lost his love for you and will never do so. 

He kissed you like he wanted you and only you, he kissed you like you were fleeting and could disappear at any moment, he kissed you like you were his home, like you meant any and everything to him, like you were the only galaxy he believed in and it did nothing but set you both ablaze.

His tongue swiped your bottom lip impatiently, wanting to taste you after so long and you permitted absent-mindedly, damning every emotion except love and lust to hell, welcoming him. 

His tongue entangled with yours sloppily as you slid your hands up his sculpted neck, a soft groan escaping Taehyung's lips once you tugged his hair. 

It wasn't until Taehyung caught your bottom lip between his teeth that you felt something ignite inside you. You both panted as you disconnected, gazing at his dark eyes for a mere second before impatiently crashing your mouth onto his again. 

This time you caught him for a heated make out session, pulling his hair aimlessly as Taehyung pressed you against him with his arms snaking around your waist, both of you moving perfectly in sync with one other. The feeling of your bodies so close ignited your arousals, currents running through both your veins.

Taehyung pushed you back against the nearest wall, hard. You nearly yelped at the contact but Taehyung swallowed it with his eager kisses, getting rougher, sloppier, growing high off the feeling of you wanting more, him wanting so much more.

He brought his thigh in between you, pushing his hips against yours and you felt his hardness through his sweatpants. Your panties practically soaked at the contact, your moans devastatingly loud and hot and only making Taehyung harder. 

He brought his hands down to cup your ass momentarily as he kissed you, sliding them to the back of your thighs. You kicked yourself off the ground into his hold, legs grappling Taehyung's waist as he forced you back up against the wall. Your hands grabbed his jaw tightly, wanting all of him as your tongues moulded together. 

Taehyung felt his urges to touch you overwhelm him, utterly dying to hear you desperately say his name and moan breathlessly into his ear. He had gone too long, far too long without feeling you lose yourself to him that he needed you now. 

One of Taehyung's impatient hands moved up to fumble with the button of your jeans, disconneting to look into your eyes, his pink, swollen lips irresistible. 

"Have you been touching yourself?" He breathed hard and asked mere centimeters your mouth, forehead leaning on yours. 

"B-barely. I couldn't get myself off the same way." You exhaled harshly trying to calm down, mind woozy from the sheer adrenaline he was pumping through you. "You?" 

"Tried, but nothing felt like you." 

Taehyung returned his lips to yours breathlessly and unzipped roughly, sliding his hand inside and finding your already sopping wet heat. His fingers made contact through the soaked material and you let out a satisfied moan, throwing your head back against the wall. Taehyung chuckled proudly, pressing his lips to your exposed neck as he began lewdly rubbing your folds. 

Your walls clenched around nothing, begging for something to fill you up. You shamelessly rode against his fingers, desperate for more friction and Taehyung absolutely adored how needy you were. 

He smirked to himself as he pushed your underwear aside, his fingertips suddenly touching your bare pussy and you automatically felt sparks, gasping. 

Taehyung felt your delicious wetness and a satisfied groan left his lips. He couldn’t stop rubbing you, playing with your folds like it was a game he mastered ages ago. His digits spread you all over yourself, teasing you. He purposefully brushed over your clit multiple times and you felt nothing but fireworks, the heat between your legs growing so hot you clutched onto his shoulders to stay sane.

"Fuck.. Taehyung fuck! If you go inside.. I can't.. I'll fucking lose it." You stammered out, trying to relax but Taehyung eyed your panting figure with a smirk so evil you wished he'd just fuck you against this wall right now. 

Taehyung brought his lips to your ear and spoke lowly, the bass in his voice sending chills down your spine. 

"Then fucking lose it." 

Without warning, Taehyung shoved his two fingers inside you, a smug grin decorating his gorgeous face as he watched you nearly cry out, gripping harder into his hair and shoulder for dear life. His fingers began sliding in and out, your walls welcoming him greedily as he pumped you, milking out every beautiful sound you could make for him as he relished in them. 

Taehyung was already the hardest man on Earth, his cock painfully tucked away in his pants and aching to be inside you. You brought your forehead against his for support as he went harder, your breaths melding as you panted fucked out moans from the sheer bliss of his long fingers, just something of his dragging inside you. 

Your body moved up against the rougher thrusts of his fingers, practically fucking you open and the delectable sting certifying you’d lost it for Kim Taehyung. 

You suddenly felt your insides beginning to stir around him and you panicked, not wanting to let go just yet, just on his fingers. 

"T-Taehyung.. shit.. I can feel but- but not just on this." Your head was so gone a coherent sentence seemed impossible. Taehyung's fingers curled up inside you as he pumped a little harder, faster, making you whimper against his mouth and he used every ounce of strength he had not to swallow them with kisses, just so he could hear you. 

"Taehyung, please.." You moaned loudly and held onto him so desperately that Taehyung finally snapped, his dick throbbing to have you wrapped around him and hear his name just like that.

"Fuck this." Taehyung pulled his fingers out and carried you straight into your room.

He threw you down onto the bed hurriedly, his eyes blown out as he positioned himself above you. You breathed unevenly as you looked up at him, his body rising and falling quickly as he tried to control himself and his hungry look made you push your thighs together. 

The sight of your flushed cheeks and panting body underneath him made Taehyung's dominant side thrive. He drank you in greedily, registering this as the first time in a month he had you all to himself. 

"You don't fucking know, Y/N. All those times I had to hold back. When you walked around the studio looking sexy as hell, moving your body like pure sin, and I couldn't do a single thing to you." Taehyung's dark eyes indicated something had awakened inside him.

"What do you mean?" 

Taehyung scoffed, "You just don't get it." He mimicked you from earlier. “I was putting on a front and none of it was true. Every fucking time I saw you I wanted to lose it. Every time I saw you concentrating with that look, working, seeing your exposed skin, all the times I caught you practically eye-fucking me and I wanted to eye-fuck you back." Taehyung breathed out, voicing his pent up tension. 

"But you know what was worse? The times I saw you laughing with fucking Jungkook, screwing around with Jin-hyung, the guys acting so close with you. Watching back-up dancers eye-fuck you, hearing all their fucking comments about how hot you are, people asking if you’re single now, and I couldn't do shit because everyone was always around, watching." Taehyung breathed frustratedly, dangerous eyes locked on you.

"You know I don't get openly jealous, but my blood still boils under my skin when I see or hear those things, especially when I can’t do anything about it. I wanted you.. so badly, just wanted to take you right there in front of everyone if I could.." Taehyung nearly growled as his head hung low, entangling his hands with yours and squeezing them on the bed. 

"Then why didn't you?" 

Taehyung's eyes flashed up amusedly, "Why didn’t-you wanted me to do something in front of everyone?” His confusion softened into a little smirk. 

“You wanted to be watched, huh?" Taehyung lowered himself to your ear.  "Wanted everyone see the way I fuck you? See the way I make you mine? Fuck you open for me?” Taehyung was setting your core on fire and you had to bite your lip. 

He noticed and hated that his lips weren't on yours, quickly planting them for a kiss. 

The weight of Taehyung's leg pushing against your throbbing heat started compromising your sense of control, wanting to rile him up so bad he'll have no choice but to give you what you want. 

"Fuck, this is what I've been waiting for. Teasing you under me, cumming just from my fingers and tongue, fucking you senseless until you’re cumming again." Taehyung's words were filthy as ever and you loved every syllable. 

"Then do it." 

He smiled smugly as his mouth moved to the one spot on your neck he knew leaves you squirming. Curses left your mouth the second you felt his teeth, Taehyung adamant on leaving deep, purple marks. 

“I'm gonna show everyone you're mine, only mine.” Taehyung’s authoritative voice came out breathy as he kissed and bit in between, obsessed with seeing the art he was creating. 

"Shit… Taehyung yes, I missed you, I missed you so fucking much." You desperately stammered out.

"I fucking missed you too, baby." He smiled, his dark eyes glancing from your zip-up sweater and back to you. "But first, off."

Your hands moved for the zipper until Taehyung caught your wrists and forced them back against the bed, obsidian eyes scolding you. 

"That's my job." Taehyung spoke dominantly, hot as fuck as he stared at you while bringing his mouth down to your zipper.

His teeth caught it and slowly zipped down your body, pronouncedly breathing against your bare skin that made you hiss, arching up into him as he held your hands down. 

Taehyung was welcomed by your bra-cladded chest, basking in the glory of seeing your body after so long. He began laying kisses in between your breasts, his every contact electric. 

"Taehyung, please.. don't tease. It’s been so long." 

"We'll see about that."

He reached a hand underneath your back to unclip your bra, practically ripping the clothes off you and chucking them. 

Taehyung was heating up drinking you in, cursing at how even the sight of your naked top was making him somehow harder. 

"Shit, Jagi. You're so fucking gorgeous." Taehyung stated with haste as his large hands found your thighs that rested either side of his hips. He then slowly slid them up your abdomen, cupping your breasts and fingering your nipples. Your hands reached out to hold onto him as you exclaimed but he roughly pinned them above you, restricting you. 

He lowered himself to your chest for hickeys, kissing, licking, nibbling the flesh of your boobs. You arched and groaned as he held you down, sexually frustrated as he torturously teased you. 

"Taehyung, please… you know what I want." You breathed out, your hands resisting but he kept denying you. 

"You’re so fucking hot like this, so impatient and needy for me." Taehyung groaned, lapping his tongue over the flesh of your breasts until the tip of his tongue finally glided over your perched nipple.

You gasped at the contact, whimpering as your walls clenched around something non-existent and you bucked up into Taehyung. You could feel heat pooling at your core, begging to be battered as he sucked on your nipples, tongue doing wonders.  

Marks now embellished your chest as he kissed down to your stomach affectionately and neared your lower half, exciting your opening. 

Your eyes darted down and suddenly caught his length, poking out from his sweatpants and practically begging for attention. 

He instantly took notice. 

"No, princess. It’s about you tonight, not me, no touching." Taehyung ordered seriously, looking at you with a sense of dominance that only left you more aroused. 

You made a whiny noise, "Why not? I want to make you feel good." You retorted, wiggling your hand out to touch him until Taehyung locked you down harder. 

He clicked his tongue as he began pulling your pants and panties down your legs with one hand, his dark eyes chastising you, "We'll get to me another day." He disregarded them and let his hand feel up your thighs, bringing his face to your entrance.  

"But right now, having you like this, begging-” he nipped at your inner thigh, “making those sounds-” he licked the marks, “wet as hell for me-” he sucked your flesh, “that's all I need." His tone dropped an octave, letting your wrists go and nearing your cunt inch by inch. 

"Taehyung, fuck-don't do this. Please, it's been too long, don't tease.." You pleaded, hating the way he was shamelessly working you up.

"Do you need me, baby?" Taehyung watched your breath hitch as he kissed around your nether lips. "Need to feel me inside you? Stretch you out? Fuck the shit out of you?" His low, dark tone made butterflies fill your abdomen and all you could manage was a light nod.

"Tell me, Jagiya. Tell me what you want from me, where you want me.." Taehyung breathed against your soaked pussy and you shivered, beyond impatient. 

"Y-your tongue, your cock, Taehyung, you. Please..I can’t do this.. just fuck me, make me come all over you.." You rambled and looked at Taehyung through hooded eyes. You grabbed one of his hands and brought him directly to your dripping heat, rubbing him against your slit unforgivingly.

Taehyung groaned proudly, "Good girl. I'll fuck you so good you’ll feel me for hours, so hard I’ll have to carry you to rehearsals myself." Taehyung's filthy words rang in your ears. 

A loud moan escaped you once Taehyung's pillowy lips and tongue pressed onto your pussy, your breath hitching as his muscle began licking into your folds. Taehyung hooked onto your thighs from underneath, parting your legs wider for him. Your hands found his broad shoulders for support and you tugged at his hoodie frantically, whining. 

"Taehyung, off.." 

Taehyung drew away from you to slide his top off. He threw the sweater mindlessly as he returned, deciding to sink two fingers inside you as his tongue began licking. His newly exposed skin made you feel more aroused, tugging his soft curls to manage the bliss he was supplying you. 

His tongue licked you like he was starving, sucking and flicking your clit occasionally as his fingers curled up inside your velvety walls. You felt like crying, after such a long time the pleasure was already building up inside you and so intense you needed to let go. 

"Taehyung-Tae.. I feel it. Don't stop..." You moaned weakly, your orgasm dawning on you as Taehyung quickened his pace. His dark eyes watched you through his fluffy fringe and it was intoxicating, had you throwing your head back against the pillow just to contain yourself. 

"Come for me baby, come all over my tongue and fingers. I wanna hear you.” Taehyung cooed at you as he pumped and the tip of his tongue played with your clit faster, soothing your thigh and adoring the wet mess in between you. Your loud moans and groans sent shivers down Taehyung's spine and blood straight to his cock. 

The familiar sensation of something coiling came to you, gripping Taehyung's hair until you saw stars and felt a fierce snap, the unholiest of noises leaving you as your back arched. You panted hard, bringing an arm up to shield your eyes, the pleasure of your high dizzying as Taehyung watched you, tasting and fingering out your orgasm. 

He kissed your entrance multiple times before he decided he was done. He straightened himself up and wiped your juices off his chin, licking your essence off him. Feeling you come undone on his mouth made him go feral, needing to feel your walls hug his cock just the same.

He positioned himself above you, gently moving your arm from your face. 

"Don't hide from me." he spoke softly, intertwining his hands with yours against the pillow to adore your fucked out expression. 

You admired him innocently in the moment, his honey-coloured skin kissed by the moonlight radiating through the windows. The expanse of his broad chest and shoulders looking more bulky now that he was working out, his thick neck, the beautifully visible veins in his arms that all created the art that was Kim Taehyung. 

Your eyes scanned over him greedily until you landed on his lower half, the tent in his pants looking so painful you again ached to relieve it.

Taehyung eyed you as you licked your lips, boldly reaching out for his dick. You touched sparingly, Taehyung instantly letting out a pleasurable groan until he caught your hand.

"What did I say? You never fucking listen, do you?" Taehyung brat-handled you, his alpha male on full display. 

“What if I don’t want to listen?” You disobeyed and reached out again, gaining full contact until he grabbed and forced your hand against the sheets. 

“I’ll make you regret that." 

Taehyung quickly shuffled his pants and boxers down and past his hips, disregarding them and leaving him bare before you. 

Your eyes began ogling the angry, red tipped cock that had sprung out, looking painfully uncomfortable and leaving you wishing Taehyung had just fucked your mouth just watch him suffer. He was already leaking precum, making you whimper at the thought of him coming inside you. 

Taehyung positioned himself in between your legs, bringing his dick to your entrance. He tried to bite away a mischievous grin before sliding his cock against your folds to mix your wetness with his.

"Shit, Jagi, you're so fucking wet." Taehyung moaned with you at the pleasurable feeling. 

"Fuck, Taehyung…I can’t, I need.. inside." Your sentence was mangled, his hot flesh against you heavenly. 

"Shit, saying my name like that..I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel me in your throat." Taehyung growled, gripping the base of his cock and aligning himself with your entrance. You readied yourself until Taehyung stopped, a thought suddenly popping into his head. 

"Wait, you got your shot this month, right? You're okay with raw?" He asked with no particular haste, concern glossing over his eyes. 

Taehyung's chest suddenly tightened realizing he didn't even know something as simple as you getting your shot, important to him since your phobia of needles was so bad you usually needed to hold his hand or talk to him on the phone. 

But he was so busy this month he couldn't do either.  

"Of course, Taehyung, of course I did." You breathed out erratically, trying to calm down after his tormenting cock sliding. You gave his hand that held yours against the bed a squeeze, wishing he would begin battering your insides already. 

"Fuck, I know how much you're afraid of needles.. I should've been there." Taehyung became disappointed in himself, eyes faltering from yours. 

You immediately grew soft, "Taehyung.. it's okay, if it's for you then I'm not so scared. Don't worry, bubs." You said as you let go of his hands to cup his cheeks, searching for his eyes. 

"But you get them just for me..even though you're so scared. I love you for that." Taehyung doted on you as he tucked your hair behind your ear, completely contrasting his cock about to abuse you. 

"Taehyung, baby it’s okay, I'm okay. I'm with you right now. I want everything you thought of, everything you want with me… I want you." You looked into his doe eyes tinted with guilt, offering him a smile. 

Taehyung returned a light smile of his own, pressing a feathery kiss to your lips before he grabbed the base of his cock again. He gripped your hand hard as his dick compromised your opening. 

He hissed once he sank in, the feeling of your pussy opening up for him eliciting a drawn out 'fuck' to leave his mouth. 

Taehyung could feel how tight you were after a month without him; you weren't as stretched out and he felt drunk. The way your walls hugged his rock hard dick so snug, so intoxicating he wanted to completely lose control but refrained with you in mind. 

You thought you were used to the pleasurable burn of Taehyung's gifted size, already aware of how well-endowed he is but you suddenly felt a harsh sting and forced your hands against his chest, exasperating. Taehyung immediately stopped, widening his eyes in concern. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Just-just give me a second." He nodded, feeling your breaths calm down as he soothed over your arm, your walls relaxing

"Y-you can move." You voiced weakly. 

Taehyung complied and moved in considerately, failing to suppress the low groans that left him. He finally bottomed out and hit your cervix, both of you letting out satisfied grunts at the feeling of him buried so deep. He could feel the way your walls pulsed around him to adjust, adding to his lists of reasons he was insane for you. 

Taehyung kissed you as he began fucking gently, slowly, wanting to feel the way you wrapped around him, craving for you to feel every inch, groove and vein of his cock. 

The feeling of him slowly and languidly thrusting inside you felt otherworldly, the longing, the care, the love in his movements so apparent you grappled the back of his neck to hug him closer. Taehyung rocked himself against you, laying deep kisses to your mouth.

"Fuck, baby.. you're so tight." Taehyung breathed out, unable to hold back his sense of control, gradually fastening his pace to fuck you better, feel more. 

"How does it feel, princess, tell me." Taehyung cooed into your ear, now kissing underneath your jaw. Your lewd noises grew louder as he began pumping faster and Taehyung looked at you. 

"Shit, Taehyung. I-I feel so fucking good. You fill me up so good… want more.” You practically whined, head spinning at his intoxicating pace, wrapping your legs around Taehyung's torso to feel him deeper. 

Taehyung weakened at the feeling, kissing your lips with fervor and now thrusting faster as his need to come undone racked his balls, but aching to treat you first. His skin was imprinted with your scratches, him only fucking you faster in response. 

"Harder, Taehyung, fuck me harder..!" Your voice trailed with a mewl, kissing him sloppily as your desire for more of him grew unbearable. 

Taehyung smirked against your lips, "You want it harder, huh? You like that? Want me to fuck up your insides? Batter this pussy up?" 

"Y-yes, Taehyung, please." 

Taehyung already felt fucked out, wrestling with your tongue as he wrapped his arms around your torso and pressed you flush against him. You both groaned louder as his pace turned unforgiving, 99% sure your neighbours could hear every lewd sound. 

"Taehyung.. fuck. I missed you. I missed you so much!” You spoke without a thought, light-headed but hyper aware of just how much you wanted him, needed him, not only with his cock buried inside you but just him, so close to you. 

"Shit, baby.. I missed you more. So much. So fucking much, you don’t even know." Taehyung growled desperately as he fucked deeper, kissed harder, his tone coated with sincerity. 

Both your confessions made for rougher fucking, nasty tongue kissing, tighter grasps on each other. You rutted against one another shamelessly, movements faltering in precision and more so in desperation as Taehyung shoved himself inside you. 

And he watched as he did, seeing the way he disappeared into you between your bodies and enjoying the way you bounced in response. 

"Taehyung, fuck, Taehyung.." You moaned out his name breathlessly as you gripped his shoulders, feeling your abdomen flood with heat as his cock kissed your cervix. 

"Jagiya, fucking-watch it, say my name like that again and I'll fuck the living shit out of you." Taehyung warned with a growl as he rammed into you. 

"T-Taehyung.."

“Such a bad fucking girl." 

His arms suddenly locked you down in place, holding you tight as he began the roughest, hardest thrusts you've felt all night. Taehyung deliberately pulled all the way out only to smash back in as he felt your body jerk up in response, swallowing your whimpers.

Your moans were loud, ringing in your own ears as you felt yourself losing your sanity. He snapped into your gut, filled you up so good all you could feel was him. Your orgasm was bubbling in your stomach, begging for release now. 

"Taehyung, I'm gonna- fuck, I'm gonna come!”  You warned him with a pitchy yelp, the tingling feeling unbearable as his body rubbed against your clit. 

"Come for me, baby, all over my fucking cock, Let me feel you." Taehyung encouraged as he desperately tried to hold his own load, wanting nothing but to witness the way you came underneath him.

And out of nowhere your second orgasm washed over you, barely noticing the snap as you ached from oversensitivity and protested him to a halt. Taehyung controlled himself as your walls continuously clamped down on him, watching you pant from fatigue. 

But he decided on your punishment and suddenly flipped you onto your stomach, instinctively settling on all fours as you felt him prod your entrance. He pushed you to arch your back and pulled your ass up, giving a nice smack before kissing up your back like the demon he is. He sank in with no warning and began drilling into you again, setting a merciless pace and angling himself to fuck you completely open. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you doing!”

“You’re coming for me again.”  

“I can’t- Taehyung I can’t!” Your hand quickly came down to entangle with his on your hip, his deft fingers boring into your skin as he mercilessly buried every inch of his cock into you.

“You can do it! Just one more time for me princess, let go for me.” He coaxed you as he felt your walls pulsating around him again, his arms hugging your body to his and mouth breathing unevenly near your ear. 

"Taehyung, Ah- fuck! C-come inside me, please!”

"Shit, I’ll stuff you with my cum, fucking give you my kids!”  Taehyung grunted as he continued bartering your pussy, reaching down to roughly rub your clit. You cried out, half from sensitivity but half from pure pleasure, gripping his hand hard. 

You felt the coil coming back for a third time and Taehyung’s encourgements were doing absolute wonders. "Taehyung-shit I’m gonna..fuck!”

Once he delivered a particularly hard, deep thrust with his hand on your clit, you gasped out his name as another orgasm released through your body, temporarily blinding you with bliss. Your legs grew weak as you buried your face into the pillow, trying to catch your breath. 

“Just like that, baby, just like that.” Taehyung spoke supportively as he thrusted one last time before finally coming inside you, helping you ride out your climax. He groaned into your ear as he spurted hot stripes of cum inside you. You squeezed his hand on your stomach that still held you up, feeling him milk himself of every drop he had racked up just for you. 

Once Taehyung felt completely vacant of his seed, relief washed over him as he kissed your upper back, both of your bodies lax and panting for air. 

"You're amazing." Taehyung tried steadying his breathing, beaming as he hugged you from behind, cock still throbbing inside you. "I fucking… I held that back for so long."  

"You didn’t have to… I would've thrown myself at you if you just came home." You breathed shallowly.  "Could've done whatever you wanted.. I planned...on treating you cause you were so stressed." 

Taehyung rolled his eyes at himself, "Ugh-don’t remind me. I already feel dumb as fuck." 

You turned your head back and scolded jokingly, "Don't call yourself dumb, only I get to say that." A soft giggle escaped him as he let you go. Taehyung slowly pulled out and watched as he did so, viewing the mess in between your legs with admiration. 

Taehyung swiped the cum dripping down your thighs back into your core, completely stuffing you with him until he brought his fingers to your lips. He watched you lick provocatively, his breath hitching at the sight until needing to pull his fingers out. 

He then quickly made off the bed and ambled over to the bathroom, retrieving a damp towel and cleaning you up gingerly. He plopped down next to you after discarding it and threw an arm over his eyes. 

You turned to look at him, feeling the butterflies of him next to you flood your chest. You wiggled closer and propped yourself on an elbow to gaze at him, your other arm laying on his chest. 

Taehyung felt your eyes on him and spoke without looking. "Hi."

"Hi," you moved his arm from his face, echoing him. "Don’t hide from me."

Taehyung grinned at you, lifting his arm. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" 

"Like you're madly in love with me. Don’t do that, I don't really deserve it." He stated dejectedly, evading your eyes to rather view the night sky. 

"Kim Taehyung, what did you just say to me?" 

No response. 

You sighed, "Bubs, look at me." requesting with a softer tone and he returned his eyes to you hesitantly. You wagged your finger at him.

"Don't say that, okay? Maybe you should’ve told me, maybe I should’ve been more vocal about my feelings, maybe we both should’ve just communicated. It's not only your fault, it's mine too so please don't say that." Your bottom lip jutted out and your eyes implored him, upset that he was insulting himself. 

He deserved every ounce of love in this world. 

"Maybe.. I just..Fuck, you need to know I hated doing it, okay? Every time I saw you in that building I was dying to be with you, but I had to hold back to protect you. I couldn’t bear something happening to you, and please, please don’t think I don’t love you anymore. I do, I love you more than you’ll ever know. If I could throw all of this away for you I would." Taehyung spoke sincerely, remembering the way he saw you admit such an awful thought and he hated that he was the cause of it.

"You really don’t know how hard it was. I’m writing lyrics for my mixtape and they all end up about you. We're out at a photoshoot and I always wanted to send you pictures. I didn’t use SNS, call or text you because I knew it’d just be harder for me to create that stupid ass distance.” Taehyung ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, frustrated about it. 

“Even when I was shooting commercials I thought about your reactions if you saw them. I missed you the whole time, more than you know. I just couldn’t risk anything, there was so much on the line with you and I wasn’t going to give you up. Work got in the way and there was so much happening and I just-" 

“Shh shhh.” You calmed him down reaching for his cheek. “Thank you for that. I'm sorry you had to do everything by yourself, had to carry all that responsibility alone." Your lips quivered, catching Taehyung's attention. 

"No, it's okay. I'm the one who made you think all those shitty things. I do find you annoying, but I could never find you that annoying." Taehyung quipped to lighten the mood and you smacked his chest. 

"Hey!" 

"I'm kidding, Jagi." Taehyung chuckled before letting out a long, hard sigh. "I was just so swamped with this comeback, I’m working really hard for it and got too focused." He explained regretfully, tucking his hands underneath his head. 

"So you just thought fuck me for a little while, right?"

"Wha-no I didn't, I mean.. I did just fuck you but-not like that…shit, just come here!” Taehyung suddenly turned onto his side and threw his arms out, you scooted over to him instantly, giggling. He tightly wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close, pressing his lips to your hair and you kissed his shoulder.

Your hand absentmindedly found his and you intertwined them, causing a warm and comforting feeling to spread across your chest. 

You found yourself becoming smaller in his hold, clutching his hand to compose yourself because you didn't feel like ruining a passionate night with tears. 

Nonetheless, Taehyung sensed you growing vulnerable and pulled you on top of him, your naked bodies flush against one another. Taehyung immediately showered you with comfort, clutching you close to him.

"I’m not going anywhere, you’re with me for a lifetime, Jagiya." The smooth bass of Taehyung's voice eased you, reverberating from his chest as he senselessly soothed your back.

"Please, don't do that again. Please just tell me next time when there's a problem, I'll tell you too and we can work it out together." A hint of desperation tinted your tone, shutting your lips together to prevent yourself from crying.

"I won't, baby, I promise." Taehyung hugged you a little tighter, running a hand through your hair. 

"I love you, Taehyung." 

"I love you, Y/N." 

#taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #kim taehyung x reader #bts smut #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung #first fic #thebtswritersclub

[jadeile-writes]

Fanfic Progress Update 153

Hi people, it's time to do an update on this week's writing progress. Stay tuned for a sneak-peek for Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge at the bottom of this post!

Current WIPs:

Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary: Doctor Robotnik is simultaneously touch averse and touch starved, which results in a plan to "get the touching needs over with" in the most efficient way he could think of: cuddles overnight, when he wouldn't be doing anything useful anyway. Agent Stone was not privy to the plan until they arrived at their hotel room for their business trip.

Progress: Chapter 2 is the current latest chapter and was posted on 23rd of November. Chapter 3 is finished and will be posted on 30th of November aka next Thursday. Chapters 4 and 5 are also finished :D

Originally this was supposed to be a threeshot, but chapter 3 got so long that I cut it into two chapters, and chapter 4 reached the desired word count perfectly naturally, so it was clearly a necessity. Chapter 5 just kind of wrote itself, it's a shorter epilogue chapter that the fic didn't really need, but now that it's there it perfects it, so turns out the fic did need it, I just didn't know it. Anyway, it's all written now and only needs to be posted.

—–

I'm Signing in the Drain

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary (temporary): Not many people know this, but Doctor Robotnik is actually deaf and uses hearing aids to make up for it. Agent Stone does not know this, he just kind of assumes he's told to learn sign language upon being assigned for some other, mysterious reasons, and not as a "just in case" measure.

Progress: This fic will have at least three chapters, maybe four, maybe more (if I decide I actually want to do more with this concept than my initial idea, because the potential is there). The second chapter is almost done. The first chapter is now about 1/3 done.

I'm actually not sure if this fic will end up being Stobotnik aside from Stone being Big Gay as usual, cause Robotnik is being very aroace right now and I don't know if he'll give Stone a chance or not, as that is not really the point of the fic. We'll see how this shapes up.

—–

SBLF (workname)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary (temporary):

Wanted: a yesman who is capable of operating an espresso machine, has at least a higher IQ than your average amoeba, and is willing to put work before having a personal life, or indeed a life, period. The extra in your pathetic paycheck is good, but the strain in your psyche will make up for the positives. Forfeit your basic human rights and apply today if this sounds like you. 

Maybe it said something about Agent Stone - and probably not good things - that the poster in the cafeteria's pin board piqued his interest more than any of his official assignments had for a good long while. 

Dr. Robotnik, huh?

Progress: This one will be a longfic, probably around 20 chapters. It's a bit hard to estimate at this point, so the number is subject to change. Or I might cut this into two fics in a series, because quite honestly, it's two stories in one package (that is, half of it is pre-canon and half post-canon, so you know, could easily have two fics.) My writing hours will be devoted to this fic.

I have the first three chapters completely written now. Chapter 4 is half done. I also have two halfway written chapters that don't yet know their exact placement within the fic (they're scenes that will be slotted in to wherever they feel natural, once we get Stone settled in.)

—–  

Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to Someday™:

PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)

DC Drabbles (Justice League)

Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)

Rolling with it (Zelda: BotW)

Hah, our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest! (Hazbin Hotel)

—–

That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s the promised sneak-peek into Keep the Cuddles Platonic -challenge (Note: the text may end up slightly different in the fic itself due to more editing happening before publishing). Enjoy!

It was a perfectly average day at Doctor Robotnik’s laboratory. No business trips, no missions, no field tests, nothing but staying at the lab. Stone’s workday would be from ten to six, he’d do his usual everyday work, no meetings scheduled, no presentations, no visitors, no deadline crunches.

Simply a regular Thursday.

Except it was going to be anything but.

When Stone came in for the day, the lab smelled off in a way that was hard to define. Curiously, he walked up to the big crossroad that divided the lab building into two distinct halves and sniffed the air, pinpointing that the smell was coming from the left corridor, which meant the origin was likely the testing lab. Upon entering it, he could immediately see the cause of the smell: the large steel glass cabinet where the doctor tested various weapon proofnesses of his prototypes was covered in soot, metal bits, and chemical splatter. In short, the machine he had worked on yesterday when Stone clocked out had exploded upon testing.

Stone cringed in sympathy. That was days of careful work gone up in smoke just like that. At least he hadn’t been here to get yelled at for it.

—–

That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!

Links:

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#fanfic progress update #stobotnik