#kam takes forever to do shit

[writerlyhabits]

Ration Packs

Pairing: Din Djarin x female reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: based on this request...

“I’m guessing it’ll be ration packs for dinner?” you added, nodding towards the empty satchel hanging from his hip.  “There wasn’t a market on the way back to the ship,” he almost pleaded, trying to explain his intentions, but you simply gave him a tight-lipped nod in acknowledgment.  “I’ll get the packs started so it's ready by the time you’ve unloaded.” Your voice lacked its usual kindness. This shift in the conversation had you speaking with him as if this were all just… business. Had he pushed you too far? Were you trying to remind him that he had hired you to be here? That he should be keeping things… professional? Fuck. This was why he worked alone.  

Warnings: mild language, miscommunication [but not in a horrible way, don’t worry, I’m better than that], young dumb in love din djarin, mild angst, angst with a happy ending, everything is in Din’s pov because i love his dumbass train of thought, idk it’s pretty soft

AN: oh my god i’m back from the dead! I told you guys i’d be back 😂 This request has been sitting in my inbox for probably about a year… and I have no end of apologies, but i’m finally done and it’s a miracle I don’t hate it 😂 I did change the prompt a little… the idea of them putting Grogu to bed was cute, but I had an idea for a younger Din and just fell in love with it, so i ran with that. I hope you guys enjoy 💖 Thank you @deceiver-of-gods for putting up with me all this time, ily 😘

Din had traveled through the toughest parts of the galaxy without batting an eye. He’d run with a mercenary group and proven himself to have more skills, more hits, more value… and more of a moral compass than anyone else in the group. After fighting his way out of their grip, he had taken out high-level targets with ease to earn his way into the Bounty Hunters guild. Din continued to be not only one of the youngest of their ranks, but also the most highly sought after. And after all of that? 

You were his greatest challenge. 

His Razor crest had taken one too many hits for him to be able to repair on his own, and the costs of repairs on his pre-imperial ship were starting to eat into the funds he usually gave back to his covert. Not providing for them was not an option; the Beroya was supposed to send their spoils back to the covert to provide for those in hiding. This is the way…

So when he landed on a planet with lush, colorful flora, and a generally trusting local people, he least expected you to strike a bargain with him. He needed a mechanic, and you wanted a ticket out. Free boarding and transportation in exchange for a live-in repair crew, he just had to get you the parts. It was his perfect solution. He hired you on the spot and scheduled to ship out as soon as the Crest was back in working order. 

On that first day of travel, Din had only just entered hyper-speed when he became overly critical of his ship. The cold, metal surfaces of the hull were uninviting, full of sharp edges, and devoid of any personality. It didn’t take him much longer to realize that, to an outsider, his armor looked much the same. 

But he’d never seen it that way before. To him, the Mandalorian armor was a sign of home, of belonging. It had been his savior in his childhood, and a beacon of his people as he grew into his own. He had tucked away into coverts where the blank metal lining of their ships and their walls meant protection. 

But you were not Mandalorian. You hadn’t grown up around sharp edges and cold surfaces. The place you called home was filled with warm colors and soft curves, the buildings made to flow with the organic structures of the nature around them, letting in the bright sunlight necessary for its growth. You yourself walked with an elegance Din was unfamiliar with, treading softly on the ground and smiling brightly at him each time your kind eyes met his dark visor. You had shared your warmth with him since the moment he’d met you, despite the coldness he was certain he portrayed, and it surprised him how much he found himself drawn to it. Drawn to you. 

You were everything he wasn’t. But Din would do everything in his power to make sure you never came to regret agreeing to this strange setup, that you never felt isolated or alone because you’d chosen him – a walking wall of cold beskar – as your traveling companion. 

At first, he’d merely wanted to bring you things that reminded him of your home, things he thought might do the same for you. Anytime he was in a market passing through, either on a supply run or with a bounty in tow, he found something colorful to bring back to you. The first few had been small trinkets, things you could keep in the small cupboard you had decided to call your quarters, or delicate pieces of jewelry he would later catch you wearing around the ship. 

The feeling Din got seeing you wear something he gave you made something warm swell inside of him… It made it hard to come back to the ship empty-handed, especially with the promise of your soft smile when he held his hand to you with a new gift. 

On one of his trips, he’d brought back a woven tapestry; the craftsmanship had been beautiful, and the colors matched those of the outfits you wore the most around him. Din was about to launch into an apology when he first gave it to you, not having thought about where you would even be able to put it, but his statement was cut short when you happily grabbed it from him and turned on your heel to find something. 

Not even a few moments later, you returned with a handful of powerful magnets you’d picked up on a market a few planets back, and he watched as you excitedly hung the artwork from one of the walls in the Crest’s hull, creating a curtain in front of one of the panels on that wall – you must have thought it was as ugly as he did. 

“What do you think?” You had asked him, and he watched self-consciousness start to creep in now that your initial excitement was starting to wear off. 

“It looks good,” he’d replied a little stiffly, still having a hard time finding the courage to speak around you. A bounty hunter, with hundreds of captures under his belt, was still too shy to talk to his mechanic… he at least wasn’t dumb enough to miss the irony in his own predicament, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t his truth. 

Since then, Din had started bringing back more things you could use to decorate the ship with; tapestries, blankets, and cushions accompanied the trinkets and jewelry he brought back with him. He could tell that your favorite of his gifts had been a soft shawl he’d seen hanging at a market in the rural areas of Naboo. The politician’s son he was paid to deliver back home had gone on about the luxury material it was made of, something about ancient processes and unique resources… All he knew was that it brought out your natural beauty when you wrapped it around your shoulders, and he felt his cheeks get warm under his helmet when you did. 

The two of you started to fall into these new routines fairly easily, and with all of your redecorations, it was becoming a welcome change. In the evenings – or at least what you thought was evenings in the darkness of hyperspace – you would prep a set of ration packs for the both of you. It was always two of the same kind so that you could feel like you were “sharing a meal,” a concept he had very little experience with. At least, he hadn’t for a very long time. 

Since eating required removing his helmet, Mandalorians often took their meals in solitude, or within the confines of their family. You, on the other hand, were used to shared meals in dining rooms with someone at every seat, and communal dining halls bustling with people. At first, Din was afraid you might take offense to him leaving during meal times, never quite sure how to phrase his dilemma. 

Luckily, he never had to. 

You caught on pretty quickly to his predicament, handing him a warm ration pack with a smile before turning to let him eat in peace. He always rushed through his meals in order to join you in the hull, to thank you for your silent understanding by coming down to talk with you as you ate yours at a leisurely pace. 

As the weeks went by, Din picked up on some of your silent requests as well, memories of food that didn’t need to be rehydrated before you ate it. He began looking out for other booths at the markets, and fresh ingredients began coming home in place of some of the gifts and trinkets he always brought back with him. Each time he did, a home-cooked meal would follow, and Din always made sure he expressed his gratitude when he came back down to join you for the second half of your meal. 

Your routines continued like this for a while, silently assessing each other’s needs, and wordlessly adjusting to accommodate. And it worked. The Razor Crest felt more and more like a home rather than the metal casing of a ship, small traces of your personal touch nearly everywhere he looked. The food had been better, the companionship had been better, far better than the cold silence he’d had to put up with before you came to him. 

And Din started to catch on to just how much his own feelings revolved around you. 

He craved your warmth at the end of a rough day, he sought to provide your happiness, to get your approval… He tried to be better at actually opening his mouth, being able to express more of his feelings for you outside of your usual, quiet understanding of each other. He tried asking you more questions, wanting to not only hear about the events of your day but to actually get to know you better, showing you how much he genuinely cared. And Din was elated when you started to do the same in return. 

After he came back to the ship from a particularly taxing hunt, he heard your soft footsteps descending the ladder from the cockpit while he secured the unconscious bounty into the corner of the hull you had affectionately deemed “time-out.” The most uncomfortable chair had been secured behind some of your tapestries, acting as a set of curtains that kept the bounties from view. 

When Din emerged from the hanging fabrics, he could feel some of the tension leave his body at the sight of you in your work clothes, a warm smile dancing on your grease-stained cheeks, wiping your hands on the old flight suit you’d brought with you from home. No matter how difficult his hunts had been, being able to debrief with you upon his return always made him smile beneath the helmet. 

“Hey!” you lilted. 

“Hey,” he responded, still a little awkward despite how long you’d been working together. He was getting better, but it could definitely still use improvement. 

“How’d the hunt go?” you asked, gesturing to the closed curtain beside him. “Obviously successful if you’ve got someone in time-out.” Din chuckled under his breath at your quip, mulling over the events of his day before he replied. 

“It was fine.” You looked at him expectantly for a few moments, waiting for him to continue. 

“Just… fine?” you half giggled, one brow raised in question while you donned a crooked grin. It hadn’t really gone bad, he did have the bounty in hand. It could have gone better, but nothing that came to any detriment in the end… 

He nodded. “It… went well. There’s nothing to report,” he shrugged, unsure what else you were looking for in his answer. 

But your face fell. Only for a moment… but enough for him to see it. 

“How are your repairs coming?” He tried, hoping to stir the conversation again, to fix whatever had caused your sudden change in attitude. 

“Fine. There’s nothing to report.” Your answer was short, both in your words and your temper. You usually volunteered the finer details of your projects, explaining with a dramatic flair all of your trials and your victories, stories that Din was always happy to be an audience to. 

Why hadn’t you done so this time?

“I’m guessing it’ll be ration packs for dinner?” you added, nodding towards the empty satchel hanging from his hip. One that usually carried whatever gift he had brought for you. Dank farrik… he already hated coming back empty-handed – something you had never made him feel guilty for – but right now it was only making him feel worse. 

“There wasn’t a market on the way back to the ship,” he almost pleaded, trying to explain his intentions, but you simply gave him a tight-lipped nod in acknowledgment. 

“I’ll get the packs started so it's ready by the time you’ve unloaded.” Your voice lacked its usual kindness. This shift in the conversation had you speaking with him as if this were all just… business. Had he pushed you too far? Were you trying to remind him that he had hired you to be here? That he should be keeping things… professional?

Fuck. This was why he worked alone. 

One of the downsides of having grown up around the Mandalorians was that his concepts of interpersonal relationships were skewed. The two of you were operating on completely different sets of rules, and where you had been able to read each other incredibly well… Now he was left to try and figure out where he’d gone wrong. 

With Mandalorians, he knew where he stood. They spoke with purpose, meaning exactly what they said. Even growing up constantly harassing and sparring with Paz, Din knew where his sentiments came from; competition, comradery, and a deep passion for his people. But outside the covert… Din was still finding his footing when it came to the beings he interacted with. Riding with the mercenary group had at least taught him how to weed through the tangled lies that spewed from their mouths, trusting them only as far as he could throw them – if that. 

But you were nothing like those slimy low lives. He didn’t know how to start friendships, how to engage in small talk… and he had no idea where to start when it came to the way you made his heart rate pick up. You made Din nervous, but you were also a comfort. You were new and familiar all at once, a new adventure as well as a place of rest. 

You meant so much to him… and he’d managed to drive you away just as quickly as he had let you in. 

…

The fog of uncertainty hung around the ship for days, and with it, the cold emptiness he had been so accustomed to in his solitude had returned. But after the warmth you had brought to his Razor Crest, being without it was almost suffocating. Din missed you. 

That was a fact he was trying to wrap his head around, seeing as you still lived with him on the ship… but it wasn’t the same. You stopped humming while you worked on different panels across his ship, blanketing the hull in silence. Any questions Din tried to ask you were met with short, quiet responses. Surprisingly, you still made the effort to prepare a ration pack with yours during meal times, but when he rushed back down from the cockpit in record time to join you, you were nowhere in sight. 

There was nowhere to go inside his ship. That was one of the things he’d liked about it; there was room for him to live on board comfortably without giving his bounties anywhere to hide. And yet, you still managed to avoid him. When he entered the hull, you escaped to your room. When he climbed up the rungs to the cockpit, you would make some quiet excuse and scurry out the door behind him. No matter where he went, what he said, or whatever measures he took to try and catch you off-guard, you were gone before he could even open his mouth. 

He was fucking sick of it. He had made a promise, when you came aboard, that he would make sure you never came to regret choosing this life with him. That you would continue to choose to stay with him, to choose him over the home planet you were so desperate to leave. He made a promise, and he intended to keep it. 

After landing on Nevarro a few days later to return his bounty, Din’s plan began to unfold. He walked out of the run-down cantina Karga liked to meet up at – insisting that he was going to fix it up and make it ‘a place of gathering’ – the spills of his hunt clanking against the mechanical chip he had tucked away in the satchel that sat on his belt. A chip that, if missing, would cause systems in the cockpit to go offline. 

Something his mechanic would find during her daily diagnosis check. 

Din felt a pang of guilt at the thought of you being buried arms deep in the underside of the control panel with no hope of finding the repair, because he was the one to take it from you... But then he thought about the worser fate; what if you figured out what was missing, and had more reason to dislike him than before? His guilt quickly turned into slight panic, making haste to get back to his ship to enact his plan before your clever brain could figure out what he’d done. 

When he returned to the Crest, the harshness of the metal hull was almost overwhelming. You had started taking down your tapestries and decorations, save for everything but the “time-out” corner, and it felt cold. You didn’t come out to greet him or welcome him back, let alone acknowledge him at all. You hadn’t done so since the time your conversation had taken a turn for the worst. He did, however, hear a loud metal clang and your familiar grunt of frustration from exactly where he assumed you would be. He wondered if you had even heard him come on board… 

Din quietly discarded his weapons before stealthily moving to the ladder just below the cockpit, stopping in his tracks when he heard a slew of colorful curses leave your lips. He waited a few moments until the sounds of your hard work continued, none-the-wiser to his oncoming ambush. 

By the time he reached the top of the cockpit, he took a moment to assess the situation and figure out the best approach. You were exactly where he thought you would be, laying on your back just to the side of his pilot’s chair, agile hands fiddling with different cables and boards inside his instrument panel…

And your head snapped up to look at him when he made the door to the cockpit slide closed behind him. 

You stared at Din for a couple moments before you opened your mouth. “Did you… are you cornering me?” When you put it that way, this was not going quite as he’d imagined, despite everything going according to plan. He had to keep going. 

“You’re ignoring me,” he said firmly, his tone reminiscent of one he took with his bounties. 

“Fucking maker, did you hunt me?” You asked with furrowed brows, and your slightly agitated tone made him fairly certain you didn’t actually need his answer. “I live on the same kriffing ship, and you had to treat me like one of your bounties just to say something to me?” 

“I had to talk to you. You wouldn’t let me,” he pressed, keeping his voice steady. You gave a huff of indignation. 

“I don’t have time for this, Mando, I have to fix your ship,” you threw at him before your body thumped dramatically on the ground as you went back to your work. 

“So you are angry at me,” Din stated, sounding more like an observation than a question. He could work with angry. You shot him a glare without moving too much from your position, and he took that as a good enough indicator to continue his interrogation. “Did I do something to upset you?” 

“Mando…” you started, his moniker leaving your lips in an exasperated sigh, not without a flame of annoyance lurking behind it. 

“Don’t make another excuse. I’m tired of avoiding this.” He watched the bluntness of his words hit you, not surprised when you furrowed your brows as you started to slide out from under the console, sitting up to scowl at him properly. 

“Another- what? I didn’t make any fucking excuses, I’m not avoiding anything,” you fired off, your tone indicating the exact opposite of what you were saying. 

“Then why have you stopped talking to me?” Din expected another fiery response, but instead a split-second of realization crossed over your face before it was replaced with one of irritated confusion. It made him — him, the stone-cold Mandalorian bounty hunter — shift on his feet. 

“I stopped talking to you?” You countered, and you waited a moment to let him respond… but he didn’t know what you expected him to say. “Right, because you’ve been super talkative after ‘there’s nothing to report’,” you mumbled, and it caused those same words to ring in his head from the night everything went wrong. You had said them so coldly…

After he had said them to you. 

“I- I meant no offense,” he tried a little lamely, still not understanding where he had gone wrong, but wanting more than anything for you to understand that he was willing to fix it. “I didn’t have anything to say.” You gave another sigh, but this one was softer, like you were about to level with him. It was progress, if nothing else. 

“Nothing? You couldn’t give me the details of your hunt the same way I tell you about the market? I mean, it’s not as exciting as I make it out to be, I just... “ You trailed off and looked away from him without finishing your sentence, but he wasn’t going to let that happen. He was finally getting answers out of you, he was going to get to the bottom of this, and make good on his promise to keep you happy. This was the way. 

He was quick to kneel in front of you, trying to get closer to your level to get away from his interrogation tactic, and communicate that he was willing to listen and receive. “You just what? Help me understand.” 

You scoffed a laugh as you shook your head. “There’s not a lot to understand. I like talking with you, I like when we share stories. I just… I wanted to be close with you.” 

Din wanted to bang his head against the wall. With or without his helmet. This all started because he was an idiot who didn’t know how to talk? He was a bounty hunter, he should have been smarter than that. He should have been able to tell what had caused such a shift, and been able to fix it before the mission could go sideways. 

But, in all fairness, he was a bounty hunter who was used to being alone. 

Before Din had lucked into having you travel the galaxy with him on his hunts, he came back to an empty ship. There was nobody else to talk about the day with. And after living amongst the Mandalorians, a people of few words, he wasn’t exactly in the habit of speaking to himself or others. Before you, everything that surrounded Din was just… quiet. 

“But… this is just professional, I get that now. I’ll stay out of your way, and I won’t pry. It is your ship, after all.” 

And he was about to get himself into even more trouble if he didn’t figure out how to speak right fucking now. 

“No,” he started firmly, desperately catching on to the tail end of your admission, but not entirely sure what was about to come out of his mouth. “This isn’t- I don’t… I’m not good at talking.” Strong start Djarin. 

“What?” You asked softly. If anything, you pretty much justified his statement. He took a breath to try and steady himself, to dig through the chaos inside his head and find a half-way coherent string of words to offer you, to clean up his mess. 

“Mandalorians are quiet. Bounty Hunters keep to themselves. I’m not used to talking,” he reiterated, and he watched your confused expression shift gently into one of intrigue, your sign for him to keep going. “I wasn’t trying to shut you out, I just… didn’t know what else to say. I’m used to sparing people any details that aren’t deemed necessary. Now I know that I shouldn’t do that with you. I’m sorry.” 

Din was pleased to find a small smile growing at the corners of your mouth. “I mean… You don’t have to give me every detail. Just the good stuff,” you smiled, making Din’s heart feel warm. He didn’t realize how much he missed the radiance of your smile until now, feeling like he was finally stepping into the sun after spending so long in the dark. 

“Just the good stuff… So I’ll tell you how much blood there was when I-”

“No, no thanks,” you cut him off quickly, making a fake gagging sound as he laughed under his helmet. “I take it back, let’s go back to no more talking, I’m good. I’ll just stay up here with all my busted circuits, thank you very much.” 

“Please don’t, I can’t go back to quiet,” he said quickly, the smile still plastered on his face as the weight of his words hit both of you.

I can’t go back to quiet.

It was true, he couldn’t. The past few minutes talking with you again, even when you were angry and yelling at him half of the time, had him feeling better than he had in days. 

“Oh yeah?” You offered, and he could tell by your knowing smile that you had come to the same realization that he did. You knew how much he had come to need you. “You don’t want a break from all my rambling?” 

“Never,” he admitted. Din watched your shoulders relax and your soft smile get brighter as his answer left his helmet, and he realized how much you needed him in return. It made a warmth bloom from deep within his chest, warming him all the way out to the very coldest parts of his Beskar armor. “Never stop. I want you to fill this ship with all your stories, real or exaggerated.” 

It caught him by surprise when you leapt up from your spot on the ground to meet his height, flinging your arms around his neck as you held him tight, fitting together perfectly even as you knelt on the floor in front of each other. With only a little hesitation, Din wrapped his gloved hands around you, arms circling your waist and pulling you flush against the plates of his armor, and soaked up everything that was you. 

This is the way. 

Sooner than he would’ve liked, he felt your grip around his neck loosen, and you leaned back to lock you gaze with his dark visor. 

“As much as I’d love to catch up, your ship is driving me crazy and I have got to figure out how to get these control panels back online,” you explained, and Din slowly started to realize he hadn’t thought this part through. 

“Well, I uh…” 

“You’re welcome to stay and chat, if you’re in the talking mood. I’d love to hear about your meeting in town,” you offered playfully, sending him a wink as you began to shuffle yourself back down under the open compartment of his shift. 

Instead, he got down on the ground and laid himself next to you, as if he was going to look at what you were doing with the repairs. Your hands stopped mid-action as you looked at him, and he enjoyed the airy laugh that escaped you at his actions. 

“Or you can watch from here, that’s fine, too.” 

“I was actually going to offer a suggestion,” he started timidly. You turned away from him as you focused on the wires in front of you again. 

“I'll take anything you’ve got. I haven’t seen anything like this in ages… I’ve only got one idea left, but I doubt it’s right. It’s like the reactor chip is missing, but the only way that thing would’ve even budged is if someone-” You stopped in your tracks as Din lifted a gloved hand into your peripheral view, the small reactor chip held between his fingers for you to see. 

You paused a moment before turning your head dangerously towards your companion. He could see the corners of your lips twitching as you did everything you could to avoid a smile, and he remained grateful for his helmet as it hid his beaming face from view. 

You snatched the chip from his hand and looked back to your circuits. “Get out of my cockpit,” you said quietly, the last few words of your threat lost to your laughter. Din couldn’t stop his own laughter from coming through the modulator as he began getting up from the floor to do as he was told. “You’re making the ration packs tonight,” you added, the smile on your cheeks evident in your voice. 

"This is the way."

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#din djarin #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #young din djarin #request #anonymous request #kam takes forever to do shit #my writing

[whumpshaped]

Guilty conscience

Dollhouse Masterlist

trigger warnings: emeto, paranoia and anxiety, memories of noncon bodymod and gore, lady whumper, lady whumpee

He fell to his knees, too weak to support his own weight. His ears were ringing, and his mouth felt dry even after retching. He was never going to erase the picture of Grace standing over that girl with bloody hands and a bone saw from his head.

Jonathan could barely hold it together as he staggered towards his car. He drove away as fast as he could, pulling over at the nearest public parking spot. He’d just wanted to get away, to leave the house, but he didn’t feel like he would be able to drive for a minute longer. He was seeing double of everything, his vision was swimming, and soon enough he had to jump out of the car so he could throw up into the bushes instead of all over the steering wheel.

What the hell happened?

‘Of course it is. Her name is Honeydew.’

He threw up again, the image of the poor girl’s messily opened chest cavity forever imprinted on his mind.

‘I want this one to be slimmer. I’m taking out a few ribs.’

He fell to his knees, too weak to support his own weight. His ears were ringing, and his mouth felt dry even after retching. He was never going to erase the picture of Grace standing over that girl with bloody hands and a bonesaw from his head.

“...alright?”

Jonathan could barely muster the strength to turn his head and look up at the worried stranger standing not far from him. He had a feeling they’ve been trying to get his attention for a while now. He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, not at all caring that it was an expensive one. “I- I’m sorry, I wasn’t… paying attention.”

“I’m just asking whether you’re alright. You… don’t seem well. Do you need some water? Are you hungover?”

He wanted to tell the entire story. He wanted to scream. I just saw my sister mutilating an innocent person. I won’t be able to sleep tonight, maybe I won’t ever sleep again. Maybe she’ll get me next. I should go to the police, please help me, please.

In the end, he just nodded. Hungover. That sounded like an excuse that could work, until he figured out what the hell to do. “Hell of a- a party, last night.”

“You’re shaking, man. You need a snack. And water. I’m not even asking anymore, come on. My treat.”

Jonathan went along with the stranger - Kam - into the cafe, lowering his trembling body onto a chair across from theirs. He let them get two glasses of water and a plate of sweet waffles, choking out ‘I’ll pay for it’ before getting waved off.

“What’s going on with you? Seen some wild shit at the party? You’re incredibly pale.”

He stared at the sweets and felt his stomach protest. He wasn’t going to be able to eat, not after that. He clamped a hand over his mouth just in time, managing to only throw up into his mouth instead of the food. Bile. He had nothing left to give, after only having had a couple apples for breakfast before his meeting. He’d thought he’d be able to grab some food with his sister afterwards.

“Sorry,” he said quietly, not even knowing what he was referring to exactly. Wasting food, throwing up at the table, covering for a deranged person. No, that was the most unsettling of all: she didn’t look deranged. She didn’t look any different from her usual self, and it made him think… she’d just always been like that, below the surface. Did his parents know? Did they support her? Were they funding this mess?

“Take a sip at least.” Kam pushed the glass further towards him, and Jonathan stared at it blankly.

“I don’t think I can.”

“You’ll have to.”

He nodded. Reaching out to grab the glass felt like the most daunting task of his entire life, but he did it, lifting it to his lips and taking a tentative sip. Nice, cold water.

“You seem oddly familiar,” Kam said casually. “Like I’ve seen you somewhere before, in passing. Maybe we were at the same party.”

“Don’t think so.”

“No, you’re right, you look more like… a famous person. Like, I must’ve seen you in the paper, or tv. What’s your name again?”

“Dan. Daniel.” He had no idea why he was suddenly lying to this person. He felt… threatened. Trapped. He felt like suddenly everyone knew what his sister was doing, and if it got out that they were related, he’d be thrown in jail too. It felt like everyone would suddenly turn on him once he said the name Jonathan, and more than that, the name Bonney.

“Nope, doesn’t ring a bell.” Kam leaned back and smiled, easy and harmless. “Either way, Dan, you’re gonna have to finish that glass before I’ll let you go.”

His eyes widened at the words. “I’m n-not allowed to leave?” Was the police already here? Was Kam merely stalling until they arrived? Until they could drag him in for questioning?

Kam furrowed their brows. “No, that’s- I was just joking. Sorry. I just meant that I’d like you to drink it all, even if you can’t eat right now. Though a bite wouldn’t hurt. You’re still… shaking a little.”

“Oh.” He was making a scene for no reason. If anything, that was the thing that was going to get him caught. No, not him, Grace. He had nothing to do with it. “Y-Yeah, yeah, uh, sorry. That was weird. Um…” He willed himself to take another sip, just so he wouldn’t have to talk.

“Would you be comfortable with me giving you a lift? If you live close-by, or something. You really don’t look like you can drive. Or even just- let me call you a cab, alright? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I saw you on the news tonight after I let you go on your way like this.”

“No, I- I’ll get better. Please. Just, I just need a minute. I’ll eat it. I’m gonna be better in a bit.”

Kam didn’t look convinced, but they didn’t press it. They sat in silence after that, Jonathan slowly forcing himself to eat the waffles, bit by bit. He wished he could taste them.

“What… what would you do, if you saw someone you love do something horrible?” he asked abruptly, voice breaking at the end.

“I’d tell them to quit it,” they responded without hesitation. “I’ve had too many regrets about that. About just… standing on the sidelines and watching my friends do… things they shouldn’t have done. I’m not doing that shit anymore. If they’re acting like dicks, I’m going to tell them straight up. Hell, I’ll cut ties with them if they don’t stop.”

Jonathan had no idea what he’d expected. Maybe for Kam to say ‘well, depends on who it is, depends on how horrible-’ He nodded in understanding, flinching a bit when Kam leaned closer.

“Don’t be like me, okay? I don’t know what they did, or who they are, but don’t just stand there.”

“Y-Yeah. I, I won’t.”

Jonathan gripped the glass a little tighter. He was going to call his parents as soon as he got home.

~

taglist: @whumpsday @lonesome--hunter @reblogging-whump @panic-and-chaos @damienxozmoze @kim-poce @uwu-scraptrappy @mikaelaix @whumpinggrounds

#dollhouse #jonathan #whump #emeto #lady whump #gore #noncon bodymod

[padawansuggest]

AU where Obi-Wan and Luke get to Vader long before he was expecting to destroy Alderaan, which is basically an incredible thing that I think would have made it hard for them to bring him back from, and instead of Obi-Wan antagonizing him and getting ghosted, they capture Vader and take him with them, because Obi-Wan has had a theory goin for the last 20 years on an idea to try. So, with the force, you can create illusions of things. I like the idea of Obi-Wan forcing Vader to not only confront Luke and Leia (he draggin that tin can back to Bail and is gonna make him pay for their Uber), by telling him that’s his kids, but also forcing him to confront the fact that Obi-Wan will never love anyone as much as he loves the child he raised. I truly believe that Obi-Wan spent his whole life past his knighting caring about no one more than Anakin, and being a sith never stopped that. So, I kinda want Obi-Wan to show him a force vision of Obi and Ani when Obi-Wan first took him in as a kiddo, just a memory of them together. A playful one where ADHD Ani wanted to get up and play, but grief-recovering Obi is tired and depressed but still loves this kid, and just yanks him onto the couch with him for a nap and some decent cuddles together while Ani complains and talks about everything in the universe he can think of till he literally talks himself to sleep and Obi just gently lays his head on that little chest to listen to Ani’s heartbeat before giving him forehead kisses and passing out too.

Mainly. I just want Vader to confront something from his childhood, something completely sugar sweet that makes everyone else go ‘wtf Vader had a loving caregiver who would cuddle him???’ And absolutely breaks Vader to the point where Ani shines through and he just says that he’s so tired of everything why can’t they go back to that??

Anyways. I just had the sudden idea of Ani using force visions of him and Obi when they were much younger as a focus point for sanity to the point where he becomes an actual asset for the rebellion and even Bail and Mon Mothma are excited to have him back and they get him out of that horrible suit and fix him up as well as they can to convince the galaxy that General Skywalker is back after such a long captivity, and that drags Rex and Ahsoka (and probably Cody too) off to find them with great caution and then excitement when they can feel Ani’s broken force signiture again and know it’s him but he’s super fragile but It’s Him.

Anyways. What I really want after that. Is Ani to say he convinced Vader to save one of the creche kids and they’re still out there, but he keeps having to send hunters out for him cause the emperor keeps using him for testing and he’s got a guy he thinks can finally nab the kid for good and it’s Grogu and Din is the one they send for him and it take them like a year to get back to them cause Din ends up Being Hunted and he refuses to give the kid up (like a lot of other bounty hunters have done when they eventually decide the kid isn’t worth it) and then Din gets there and a buuuuunch of Mandos follow behind all annoyed that their covert got found in the process and now that the rebellions problem and it’s a full ass reunion at this point.

They pick up Yoda from the swamp and get both Luke and Leia some intense Jedi training (THEY BOTH DESERVE TO BE BADASS JEDI FIGHT ME) and Grogu becomes the communal baby and Obi goes back to annoying the fuck outta Ani by calling him his twin brother, which makes BOTH of them squeak all angrily at him, and Ahsoka and Rex are sus af about Ani being back but accept that he’s using force visions from his still thriving connection to Obi to stay sane and tbh he’s mainly just planning to survive to the end of the war (tbh Obi and Ani and Yoda are only gonna survive to the end of the war, that’s really all they got in them at this point and Ani is getting more fragile from holding back the crazy at this point) and Bail survives and Obi flirts with him constantly (which Bail reciprocates much to the twins eye rolling annoyance cause ewwwwww old men flirting) and Ani is all ‘lol have you two ever acted on that constant flirting?’ And they just both go super red and look away cause ya but it was a very long time ago shut up Skywalker and it’s cute.

If Cody shows up (yes) then he immediately assigns himself as the Bail and Obi bodyguard cause these old men stupid and Bail complains but he did some crazy shit in the clone wars too okay he’s just as dumbass as the Jedi.

Also Boba and Fennec eventually show up saying they had a shitty runin with Jabba and Fortuna which lead to both of them getting dead a lil bit and having a change of heart on this whole ‘bad guy’ thing which lead to them murdering the fuck outta both of them and now they control Tatooine and whatcha gonna do about it and also can we join your ‘kill the emperor’ club we bored af so they come along for the fun too.

Who else am I missing? Caleb and Ezra? They they came with Ahsoka and Rex. Cal? Ya they found him sittin on a rock bein all Jedi and shit and were like ‘damn, that’s a baby. Anyone gonna adopt that?’ And like ten Mandos fought for the honor of being his new parent. Kam? They find him when they have their showdown with Palpy and Luke is all ‘I’m gonna train him’ and everyone lived happily every after. Except Obi and Ani and Yoda who become young force ghosts and annoy everyone forever now. Thanks.

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #clone wars #anakin skywalker #captain rex #commander cody #ahsoka tano #post clone wars #bail organa #bailobi

[anapologethicc]

SONU KI TITU KI SWEETY SOUNDTRACK REVIEW PLS I WANT TO READ YOU RIP IT TO SHREDS IN ALL ITS ENTIRETY AND ABSOLUTELY RUB KALEEKH ALL OVER IT GO GO GO !!!!

oh god. iss album ki toh mein itni dhajiyaan uda ne wali hoon na. just wait and watch. BUT. first of all. can we just. take a moment of silence to reel in the absolute mindfuckery and time waste this movie was. aur secondly. konse zamane ke movie thi yeh. like 21st century hai. aur yeh koi tv serial nahi hai ki bahu ko villain bana do. par yaar tv serial mein bhi kaali bindi wali chachi ya masi nikalti hai real villain. this movie was another level of misogynistic. like luv ranjan needs to CHOKE and DIE asap for the kind of movies he makes. but idk what he wanted to show through this movie. friendship?? like really. that's the way you wanna go? by making the girl the villain...DISGRACE. ok let's get into it. under the cut. because i'm raging.

1. Dil Chori

kya bolu main. ok so i'll be honest. when i first heard it. i was skeptical because of the 'yoyohoneysingh'. and then i heard it and i thought it could be a good wedding dance song either way. regardless of the AUTOTUNE OVERLOAD. pls sb tell whoever sang this shit to give up on a singing career. like saman bando aur niklo please. and then you know what i heard. THE RAP. and then i wanted to throw my phone away. like matlab. song mein kuch nahi hai. wohi gisa pita kachra hai. and you know what's the worst part about this song. is it encourages you to get drunk and then hit on girls. like babe. you're drunk and fucking delusional if you think a girl is coming next to you just cause you tell her she has silky silky baal and a nice chaal. bhenchod woh ek thapaad lagaeyi and will throw her drink in your face. can somebody write a song on that please? also that chittar kayega line. nahi you wait. main aa rahi hoon chittar marne to whoever the fuck sanctioned this song and it's release. t-series is on top of my bollywood hit list.

2. Chhote Chhote Peg

first of all. neha kakkar. pehle koi usko hathao. i will start the petition. personally go door to door until she is permenantly BANNED from singing ever again. kabhi tel mein kuch fry hote ve dekha hai? you know that sizzle wali awaaz. it's like that. but your kaan are the pakoras being fried. and isko batao koi ki whiskey tastes horrific. nobody likes whiskey babygirl. and men only pretend to kyuki masculinity prove karni hai apni. and i know this FOR A FACT because i've drank it. whiskey is disgusting pls. get yourself sth fruity please. also MY MEANING of nashe mein ho jati mein risky means come near me when i'm drunk and i will shoot you between the eyes. until hers which is basically saying that girls become slutty and promiscuous when they drink. girlie. i don't need a drink to be slutty. it's a forever state of mind please. and then please ohmygod the entire fucking RAP again. it's basically judging women for drinking, telling them they should stay home if they can't hold their alcohol and the rest of it is objectifying girls and more of i'm gonna hit on you when you're drunk. just. to whoever wrote this. sweetie i's glad you don't know me personally. i will castrate you. free of charge.

3. Subah Subah

Sooraj Dooba Hai 2.0 ft. Jonas Blue (this one MAYBE i can vibe with if i was at a party or sth. it's brainless and i'll give it brownie points for arijit's voice)

4. Bom Diggy Diggy

thoda bum ke bare mein kam sochke apne brains mein thoda aur diggy diggy kiya hota toh shayad dhangki lyrics likhni aa jaati. this was one of those so-called punjabi song remakes. pehle toh remake karne layak nahi tha yeh gaana. first time kachra dekha aur inko laga "omg let's do our part to save the world" aur recycle kar dala. swach bharat abhiyaan unko sirf studio mein dhyaan aata hai apparently.

5. Kaun Nachdi

once again. i will strangle you with all this sikly sikly baal i have. phir jab jaan niklegi na toh rona mat. what's with so much silky baal yaar. shampoo ads se inpire hoye the kya?? agar shampoo ads mein passion hai toh woh karno na beta. yahan hamara time kyu waste kar rahe ho? second of all. any song that has the word swag in it can go die in the same hole as justin bieber. also even at the end they still haven't found out kudi kaun nachdi. lemme give you the answer. YOUR MOM. kyuki respect deni toh tab hi aati hai na tum logo ko jab khud ki maa behen ka involvement hota hai. i'm so done with these songs about objectifying women. like. i'm abt to riot.

6. Lakk Mera Hit

honestly. hadn't even heard of it. until i saw it was on the album. and not gonna waste my time to listen to it. it's prolly shit.

7. Sweety Slowly Slowy

i've got 2 words : Mika Singh. but i will let the general public know what this disgusting song is about. it's portraying the female character as a car. and then proceeds to talk about how she should be able to go fast in a tedhi-medhi lane. and how she shouldn't slow down. and how she shouldn't have a break. how the world will tease her. and not to run away. give me attention. don't reject me. or else. basically if she does not do said things. it basically says she will get slapped. let's all just agree to the heinous crime that the existence of this atrocious song is. i can't even with mika singh. like. this song. what the fuck man. like what the actual fuck.

8. Tera Yaar Hoon Main.

i saved this for last. because i kinda love it. but also it fills me with so much sadness at the same time. ALSO ARIJIT. so imma do a whole analysis because i wanna cry. and it's in a separate ask in your inbox. because it does not deserve to be in the same vicinity as these other pieces of shit. when you post it. i'll link it here. <3 i hope i was entertaining enough babe.

#this was so fucking fun to do!!! #i had a blast #please send me more of these #like you and everyone else who listens to bollywoo #send me movie albums to badly review #because i'm bored #ahahhaa #adheera thank you for this my love #i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it #adheera💕 #inbox

[nayutai]

The Task At Hand

Pairing Mingyu x Female OC

Word Count 15.1k

Warnings mentions of infidelity, mentions of racism, foul language, anxiety, insecurities, therapy sessions, dumbasses in love, light choking, dry humping

Summary The first year of marriage is always the hardest. Unfortunately for Mingyu and Kamile, the first year as husband and wife may also be their last. 

Notes This absolute behemoth of a fic is my contribution to The Intimacy Anthology where I, along with many other fantastic writers, have explored intimacy in all of its many forms. This fic is incredibly close to my heart and I hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please check out the other stories featured in the project here as well! 

Mingyu fumbles with his keys in the dark as he searches for the one that’ll get him into his house. The alcohol coursing through his system is making this very simple task a lot harder than it needs to be. He shouts victoriously when he finally manages to unlock the front door to stumble inside. He freezes when he hears someone clapping slowly off to his right.

“Two minutes and forty seven seconds. That didn’t take you as long as I thought it would but then again you have been good at finishing quickly these days.” Mingyu groans deep in his throat at the scathing words from the woman staring him down from the love seat in the living room. She lifts a glass of what he can only assume is white wine to her lips, draining it quickly. 

“I’m too drunk for your bullshit tonight, Kamile.” Mingyu grunts as he leans back against the door to steady himself while he toes his sneakers off. All he wants to do is crawl up the stairs to the guest room he’s been sleeping in so that he can go to sleep. He rolls his eyes when he hears Kamile clear her throat from across the room. If he knows anything about his wife, nothing good is about to come out of her mouth. 

“If you didn’t want to hear my bullshit then maybe you should’ve shown up for dinner with my parents tonight.” The venom in her voice makes Mingyu’s blood run cold. He’d totally forgotten about her mother’s birthday dinner tonight. Fuck. As much as he hates to hear her nagging him, even he has to admit that he deserves it this time. This dinner has been planned for months and he should’ve been there. 

He forces his eyes to focus when he looks back over at the brooding woman shooting daggers at him from across the room. It’s then he registers the fact that she’s still fully dressed despite the late hour. Kamile is a huge proponent of being comfortable within the walls of her own home and for her to sit in a dress and heels as she waits on his appearance does not bode well for him in the slightest. He’s surprised that she hasn’t launched her wine glass at his head.

“Whatever or whoever you were out doing,” Kamile rises slowly from the couch, impressively steady in her heels despite the bottle of wine she ran through waiting on her neglectful husband to come home. Silence stretches between them interrupted only by the damning clicks of her shoes against the hardwood flooring. Kamile stops to appraise the man she married when she reaches him, wondering where it all went wrong. 

“…I hope it was worth it.” She silences his groveling with a raised hand. She’s tired of the arguing. Tired of the excuses. Just tired in general. 

Most people would have some sort of emotional response to this but her exhaustion leaves nothing but an empty void in its wake. Mingyu may as well be yelling at a brick wall for all the response he gets from Kamile as she slowly climbs the stairs. The sound of the bedroom door clicking shut echoing around the house may as well have been a gunshot.

“One more thing for her to hold over my fucking head.” Mingyu grumbles as he slowly blazes his own trail up the stairs. He pauses before the closed door to the bedroom they once shared, hand gripping the doorknob in his hand as he contemplates going in to apologize. “What’s the use? Not like she’d listen to me now anyway.”

The bed in the guest room welcomes him like an old friend when he flops down on it, draining him of his energy. Thoughts of how he’ll fix things in the morning drift through his head. Sleep evens out his features, lulling him into a peaceful slumber despite the fact that he’s still fully clothed. The perfect cover for the plans being set in motion right down the hall. 

The sun rouses Mingyu from his sleep way before he’s ready. He could’ve sworn that the curtains were pulled closed when he went to bed but it’s hard to know what’s what when you’re three sheets to the wind at god only knows what time. Blindly, he reaches out for his phone where he’d left it on the nightstand but comes up with a piece of paper instead. It takes a minute for his eyes to focus enough to read the words on the page, but when they do he finds himself bolting for the ensuite bathroom. The offensive piece of stationary gently drifting to the ground as if it hasn’t just ruined his life.

He heaves and wretches until he has nothing left to give. His knees buckle several times as he tries to brush his teeth which is an incredibly difficult task to complete when one is sobbing with everything they have. This can’t be happening. He refuses to believe that this is his reality. Mingyu’s heart sinks even lower when he drags himself back to the bedroom and sees Kamile’s  wedding ring on the night stand next to his phone. He retrieves the letter from where it rests on the floor, reading it over until the tears he’d fought back make a reappearance.

Doing this feels incredibly impersonal but I feel like it’s probably better this way. I realized that the flame I thought would burn forever is barely a spark anymore. Tonight was an epiphany for me. I realize that I deserve better and I’ve decided that I will have it. I’ve always wished you joy and light and I will probably never stop doing that despite everything that’s happened but I can’t do it as your wife anymore. 

Take care,

Kamile Dexter

The usage of her maiden name feels like the final nail in his coffin. He calls. He texts. He emails. He even sends her a message on instagram. Every single attempt to reach her goes unanswered. Anyone could see that things hadn’t been the best between them for a while, but never in his most horrific nightmares did Mingyu think that Kamile would actually leave. 

Time is irrelevant to Mingyu in the days that follow Kamile’s departure. He wakes up when his alarm goes off and drifts through the day. His nights are spent calling Kamile despite the fact that she never answers which then leads to him drinking himself into an alcohol-induced sleep complete with all the blessed numbness that it provides until his alarm goes off once more. This is without a doubt the lowest point of his life and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Kamile grew up with Vernon so naturally Mingyu tries to enlist his help. Unfortunately, it seems that she has anticipated that move and stops answering Vernon’s calls and texts as well. 

With all of his other options seemingly exhausted, Mingyu calls the one person that could possibly help him, Sidra Dexter. A woman with many accolades to her name, Sidra considers being Kamile’s mother to be the most important among them. If anyone knows how to get through to his wife, it’s Sidra. Mingyu prays that she still has a soft spot for him as the phone rings in his ear. If this call goes unanswered, then he really will lose all hope in saving his marriage. 

“It’s about damn time you called me, Gyu Bear. My daughter left you a whole week ago tomorrow and you’re just now enlisting my services? Tell me why that is.” Never a woman to beat around the bush, Sidra gets right to the point with the accuracy of a heat-seeking missile. 

“I don’t know what to do, Mama Dee. She won’t talk to me.” Mingyu whines, on the verge of tears for the umpteenth time today.

“Of course she won’t. She’s stubborn just like her ornery ass father.” The aforementioned father pipes up in the background to defend himself but is quickly shut down. “Now back to you, Gyu Bear. You have messed up big time but I love you so I’m going to help you fix it but I have one question first.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Did you cheat on my daughter? And yes that ‘harmless flirting’ shit you men folk like to do counts as cheating in my book.”

“Of course not! Wait…does Kam think I cheated?” Mingyu is floored and honestly a little angered at the fact that after all these years together Kamile thinks he’s actually capable of infidelity. The alcohol-induced haze clears long enough for his brain to recall a comment she’d made the night she left about whoever he was doing being worth it. 

“She sure does,” Sidra starts up, “but luckily for you, my gut says that you’re telling the truth and it hasn’t steered me wrong in the last 56 years so I don’t see a reason not to trust it now. So here’s what we’re going to do.”

Mingyu listens intently as Sidra outlines her master plan. Not for the first time, he’s in awe of the way her brain functions. The tightness in his chest subsides a little bit with every word she says. For the first time in the six days since Kamile left, Mingyu feels like his life has meaning again. His marriage might not be over after all. 

Despite the fact that Kamile had no intention of answering any of Mingyu’s desperate pleas for attention, the sudden cessation of said pleas only serve to further increase her anguish. She’d originally thought she’d be able to finally find peace when he gave up, but that does not seem to be the case. A part of her didn’t want him to stop trying. Didn’t want him to stop fighting for her.

Did I make the right choice?

The question has haunted her every waking moment as she adjusts to her new normal. She’s been adrift for the last ten days trying to figure out her next plan of action. Should she stay in Korea? Should she go back to America? Should she throw a dart at a map and go wherever it lands? The possibilities are endless but Kamile finds herself unable to fully commit to either option which is how she’s ending up existing on takeout in a hotel for the past week and some change. God, why did she have to be so impulsive? She should’ve made sure that she had a game plan before she just up and left like that. 

Her phone rings on the small night stand, interrupting her self-loathing thoughts. Kamile groans when she sees that it’s her mother. Ever since she’d broken the news to her parents that she’d decided to leave Mingyu, her mom has been giving her grief. Kamile had always had a hunch that her mom loved Mingyu just as much if not more than she loved her, but their break up has made her think that her hunch had been closer to the truth than she’d previously thought.

“Hey, ma.” Kamile greets her mother apprehensively, bracing for the latest round of her mother’s reconciliation efforts. 

“Hello, my lovely daughter. I just landed in Seoul so if you don’t mind coming to get me from the airport that would be great.” Kamile chokes on the mouthful of noodles she’d been munching on. There’s no way in hell that her mother just said that she’s in Seoul. Sure enough, Kamile pulls her phone away from her ear to check her mother’s location and it says that she is in fact at the Incheon Airport. 

“Baby, what did I tell you about making sure you properly chew your food before swallowing. Did you forget what happened to your Uncle Tommy?” Kamile barely hears her mother’s recounting about the uncle who’d died from choking on a fish bone as she rushes around her hotel room gathering her things. She can’t believe her mom really flew halfway across the globe. Thankfully, her hotel isn’t far from the airport so Kamile is helping her mother put her bags in the back of her SUV in no time at all.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything, but what are you doing here?” Kamile questions as she eases her car into the steady stream of traffic bound for the exit. 

“You just left your husband and you didn’t come home to me so I don’t know what made you think that I wasn’t coming out here. A friend of mine is letting me stay with her since I know how you are about your space.” 

Kamile is more than a little thankful for that. Her mother can be overbearing when she’s on a mission and the fact that she’ll still be able to maintain some personal space is comforting. She’s only too happy to let the gps in her guide her to this friend’s house. The closer they get to their destination though the more unsettled she becomes. She has no idea why her gut is telling her to be suspicious, but she’s definitely not about to ignore it. Kamile’s sense are on high alert when she turns into the driveway of a nondescript home in one of the more affluent suburbs of the city. 

“Mom, what’s this friend’s name?” Kamile eyes the structure in front of her as if it could possibly grow teeth and bite her. Something is not right here and if there’s one thing her mother taught her, it’s to trust her gut instinct and right now her gut is telling her to throw her car in reverse and get the hell out of dodge. The only thing keeping her from running for the hills is the fact her mother seems so at ease as she hops out of the car to grab her bags. 

“Her name is Bae Yeojin. She studied abroad at Villanova her junior year and we were roommates. She’s got a pretty successful business now.” Kamile hums in acknowledgement. She vaguely recalls her mom telling her about a girl named Yeojin from college, but that does nothing to assuage the uneasiness in her gut. 

Kamile waits at the bottom of the steps as her mother knocks on the front door. Her fingers are drumming on banister, eyes glancing back and forth from the ornate door and her car. She clutches her keys like a lifeline. At the slightest provocation, she’s ready to bolt. The two women squeal like school children and not the established professionals they are at the first sight of each other. Kamile wonders briefly how long it’s been since they last saw each other.

“Kamile Danielle Kim get your ass up here and say hi.” Not one to disobey a direct order, especially one accompanied by her full name, Kamile reluctantly climbs the short staircase.

“Jesus, Sid, you really spit this one right out. She’s practically your twin.” Yeojin exclaims. She pulls Kamile into a quick hug before ushering the both of them inside. 

One deep breath and Kamile instantly realizes why she felt so uneasy. There’s candles burning in the foyer, but they do nothing to mask the familiar scent she’s spent the last six years smelling. Mingyu is in this house somewhere. She spins around to fix the two women with what she hopes is a threatening glare. Unfortunately, neither one of them appears to be phased by it in the slightest.

“What the hell is going on here?” Kamile’s quickly starting to realize that not trusting her gut has landed her in a situation she most definitely has no interest being in. Her eyes quickly dart back and forth between the two scam artists in front of her.

“I told you she’d figure it out. Pay up.” Yeojin doesn’t take her eyes off Kamile as she holds her hand out to Sidra who is grumbling while she digs in her purse to hand over a few bills.

“Dammit, Kam, did I really raise you to be this observant? You’re costing me money.”

“Yes, now what in the fresh hell do y’all have going on?” The answer to her question comes in the form of timid footsteps sounding off behind her. Her spine stiffens. She doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is. She can sense him. “Fuck this. I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not. Now turn your little narrow butt around and have a seat.” Sidra adopts the tone she’d frequently used when Kamile was growing up and even now as an adult Kamile knows that disobeying this direct order is not the right choice to make. 

It’s with a grimace, that she pivots on her heel to face her husband for the first time since she walked out on him. The satisfaction she feels when she sees just how awful he looks is cancelled out by the fact that she probably looks just as bad. It would be a lie to say that she hasn’t missed the comfort and solace his presence used to bring her. That she doesn’t want to let the outside world fade away as she hides away in his embrace. She wants that back. Craves it even, but enough is enough.

Curse words flow like running water through Kamile’s mind as her mother situates her on a love seat in the living room with Mingyu sat right next to her. His large frame dwarfs the slightly undersized piece of furniture. She can feel the body heat radiating off of him and it’s a battle of wills to keep from leaning into him. 

“First things first…” Sidra claps her hands as she and Yeojin take a seat on the sofa opposite the troubled couple, “I think now is a good time to mention that Ms. Yeojin here is actually a therapist who specializes in couples therapy.”

Of course she is.

Kamile rolls her eyes as the puzzle pieces start clicking into place. She could be buried under her blankets, binging on The Golden Girls right now, but no, her meddling ass mother has scammed her into marriage counseling instead. She should’ve ran when she had the chance.

“Based on what Sid has told me, the two of you are exactly one week shy of your first wedding anniversary and already on the verge of divorce. So, who would like to dump their emotional baggage on the floor first?” Yeojin glances between Kamile and Mingyu looking for a crack in their demeanor that she can exploit. Mingyu looks like he wants to hurl while Kamile’s face is a carefully constructed mask of indifference. She makes her choice easily.

“Mingyu, thank you for volunteering. Let’s hear it.” 

Put on the spot, Mingyu chances a glance sideways at Kamile before clearing his throat. Yeojin sits at the ready with her notebook and pen. She listens intently as Mingyu tells the fiasco as he sees it.

“I know I forget things sometimes. I try not to, but I’m an idol. I have a lot going on but that’s no different from when we first started dating so I don’t know why it’s suddenly such a big issue now.” Mingyu seems to find his voice as he speaks up on how he believes that he’s been wronged. The timid nervousness he’d felt before quickly getting pushed down so that his frustration can take over.

“When we first started dating, I wasn’t being abandoned in a house all day with nothing to do.” Kamile may have been grumbling under her breath but Mingyu hears her loud and clear. His head whips around so fas that the two mothers across from him silently worry about the neck pain that may cause him later. 

“You have nothing to do because you’ve turned down every opportunity that’s come your way.” Thoughts of the numerous job and consulting offers from Pledis and other entertainment companies like them that she turned down come flying to the forefront of his memory. Human resource agents have practically been beating down their door for the chance to work with Kamile, a creative visionary in her own right, but she’s rejected them one after another without a moment’s hesitation.

“You mean every opportunity that you have sent my way. Like why would I want to work at that entertainment company and be forced to watch that bitch Miyeon flirt with you every day like you’re not married?” Mingyu is forced to concede to her point with that one. Miyeon is one of the stylists at the company and, despite his repeated rejection, is too flirtatious for his liking as well. Unfortunately, she’s deeply entrenched in the corporate hierarchy and nothing short of murder would make the higher ups get rid of her even if all of the members have lodged complaints against her. 

“Is that the simple hoe you come home smelling like every time you’re ‘out with the boys’?” Kamile adds on as if she’s finally started connecting some dots in her overactive imagination. The fact that she has even entertained the thought of Mingyu not only cheating on her but cheating on her with Miyeon of all people makes his blood boil.  

“Why do you think I’m cheating on you? Why do you always just assume the worst about me? Do you think Vernon would ever let me even think about cheating on you? The man hates violence but he would beat my ass over you and we all know that.” The frown on Kamile’s face falters at the mention of her oldest friend. Mingyu is correct in saying that he would absolutely fight him, but there are still some thing that aren’t adding up. Yeojin attempts to halt the conversation so that they can delve deeper into what Mingyu just said but Kamile beats her to the punch. 

“You come home smelling like warm vanilla sugar every night when everybody knows that I am a Japanese cherry blossom supremacist. What am I supposed to think, Mingyu?” She can’t believe that he has the audacity to sit next to her and still lie. The palms of her hands itch with the urge to throw things but she’s done enough of that plus this isn’t exactly her house either.

“Seokmin always sprays us down with some random perfume because he says it keeps the women away and honestly, it actually works like a charm so I’m always first in line to get sprayed.” Kamile’s anger deflates almost immediately. To anyone that doesn’t know Lee Seokmin that would sound like a crock of shit, but it’s perfectly on brand for him.

“Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

“We’re fucking married, Kamile. You could’ve just asked. Better yet you could have come with me to these events like I’ve asked you to do a million times.” 

“You know I hate those things.”

“Everyone hates them, but I would hate them a lot less if I had you there with me. I just feel like I’ve been trying to make an effort but you’re not meeting me halfway.”

“I knew my Gyu Bear wasn’t a cheater!” Sidra, who hasn’t set a word since things had started to get heated, pipes up.

“God, Mom could you at least pretend that you love me more than him?” Kamile throws her hands up in frustration. Her mother’s obvious favoritism is really starting to get to her right now.

“Not until you start giving me less grief.”

“Now, now, Sid. Let’s not derail the progress we’re making here. Kamile, is there anything you’d like to bring to the table?” Yeojin pats her dear friend on the back of her hand to reign her back in. She’d hate to ruin the momentum they got going by having Kamile suddenly switch gears to argue with her mother.

Kamile is only too happy to tell her side of the story as she recounts the events of the night that she decided to leave Mingyu and how it was the tipping point for her. Yeojin listens intently, taking note of the fact that none of the issues that Kamile has with her husband are particularly heinous aside from the debunked cheating suspicions. Each transgression on it’s own wouldn’t be enough to end in divorce, but rather it’s the heaping pile of them that overwhelmed Kamile to the point that she felt she needed to get out.

The more she listens, the clearer it becomes to Yeojin that their marriage is suffering not because they don’t love one another but because they’ve forgotten how to talk to each other which has lead to an unfortunate disconnect. The biggest obstacle is definitely going to be Kamile’s determination to end things. She’s made up her mind and getting her to change her mind is not going to be easy.

“I think I’ve heard everything that I need to hear for today.” Yeojin sets her notepad down on her coffee table, relaxing in her chair a bit before she continues. “The first year in a marriage is usually the hardest, but that seems to have been exacerbated by the fact that the two of you have never lived together before now plus Kamile here has uprooted her entire life and moved to a new country.”

“Saving this marriage is going to take considerable effort on both sides in order to restore the balance you had before you said your vows. Here is what I recommend.”

Yeojin challenges the young couple to separate themselves from their daily lives for the next week and go somewhere remote. A place where it’s just the two of them without any outside influences. Of course, this won’t be just some run of the mill vacation. They’ll have “homework” of sorts that Yeojin will be checking to make sure they complete. Mingyu is all for it but Kamile is much more hesitant. All they’ve done is argue for the past few months and she’d rather not be stuck in a house arguing for two weeks straight. 

“I’ve spent the past year stuck in a house with no outside influences and look at where that’s gotten me. On the verge of a fucking divorce!” Mingyu looks like he has something to say, but Yeojin thankfully stops him before he can rile his wife up any more than she already is. 

“You’re not just going to be ‘stuck in a house’. Think of it like a game of Among Us. The two of you are crewmates and this wall that’s been built between you is the imposter.” Kamile looks at Yeojin as if she’s grown three extra heads. There’s no way she just related this counseling session to a freaking video game. 

“I will also stop bugging you about grandkids for six months if you go.” 

“You should’ve just started there. I’ll go.”

Yeojin claps her hands excitedly. She sounds way too happy to be shipping them off to self-guided marriage boot camp, but Kamile stays silent though that becomes increasingly difficult as her mother’s friends lists out the “tasks” she expects them to complete.

“So here’s the game plan, I want you two to be totally and completely honest with each other as much as possible for the entire time you’re gone. Often times in relationships, both parties will censor themselves as a way to keep the peace but that can be detrimental as it has been for you guys.” Mingyu and Kamile don’t realize it but they both frown simultaneously at the proposal of this honesty idea. Yeojin takes it as a positive sign that they are still in sync on some level. 

“If the thought of doing it all day is too daunting, then start with just one hour. This doesn’t mean that you have to sit and stare at each other for a whole hour and trade statements just act normally but speak honestly. Okay so far?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mingyu casts a glance in Kamile’s direction, fingers twitching with the urge to reach out to her. He’s had to stop himself several times since she arrived and it’s not getting any easier.

While Kamile’s mind is running wild with all of the potential for disaster that an hour of honesty could result in, Yeojin powers on with the rest of her required tasks. On top of separating themselves from society and this so called honest hour, Yeojin has mandated that they share at least one meal together every day with one of them being dinner on their wedding anniversary. Just when Kamile thought that Yeojin couldn’t possibly pile more on, she brings up the “activity days”. Each of them will have to plan some sort of activity for the two of them to do together while they’re away. It could be as big or as small as they want, but it has to be meaningful. Mingyu draws Kamile’s attention when he pulls his phone out of his back pocket to start tapping away on the screen like a mad man.

“You guys have a lot of preparing to do in order to be ready to leave tomorrow so we’ll stop here for today. I’ll be checking in on you daily to assess your progress and offer any guidance you may need.” 

Kamile is out of her chair and halfway to the door before anyone can blink. The room suddenly feels too small as the gravity of what’s about to happen sinks in. She’d convinced herself that she no longer wanted to be married to Mingyu. She was so sure that her run as Mrs. Kim, albeit short as it was, had come to an end, but now she’s been confronted that her main reason for ending things was baseless. This is not how she thought things would go.

Day 1

The drive from the hotel to the home she’s shared with Mingyu for the past year goes way too quickly for Kamile’s liking. Mingyu had texted her about having to go gas up the rental car so he’s nowhere to be seen when Kamile arrives. She sits in the driveway for a few minutes thinking of the memories saturated into the home that looms before her. The memories she had hoped to create. A stray tear slips down her cheek and she swipes at it furiously. She swore that she was done shedding tears over this but they just keep on coming.

Her pity party is interrupted by an unfamiliar SUV pulling into the driveway behind her. Kamile looks in the mirror to see Mingyu getting out of the driver’s seat. She does her best to erase the evidence of her tears, but the look on his face when she opens her own door says that she wasn’t very successful. 

“Are you-”

“I’m fine.” Kamile cuts him off before he can even finish his question. She stalks to the back of her car to start transferring her bags from her car to the behemoth of an SUV behind her.

“I’ll get them.” Mingyu takes the bag she’d already grabbed from Kamile’s hands, motioning to the passenger’s seat. Kamile, no longer in the mood to speak, wordlessly follows his directive and climbs into the SUV.

It takes Mingyu no time at all to load Kamile’s bags into the back with his own. 

“Obviously this is a sign that we should just leave.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to let a lost set of keys stand between me and keeping my marriage.”

“Why do you even care? Why are we even doing this?” Kamile screams. She’s been holding this in for far too long and she can’t take it anymore. 

“For better or for worse.” Mingyu’s face is a mask of carefully controlled fury and it’s giving Kamile pause. She’s never seen him like this before. “We promised each other for better or for worse and yet you’re ready to run for the hills at the first sign of trouble. I’ll admit that I’m not perfect and certainly played a role in why we’re here but I’m willing to put in the work to make it better because those vows meant something to me. I thought they meant something to you too.”

Kamile is incredibly taken aback at Mingyu’s fervent desire to stay married. She didn’t think that he cared that much anymore. Without any further protest, she joins him in the hunt for the elusive key to the front door. Fifteen minutes pass and they are no closer to gaining entry than they were when they first arrived. A rep with the rental company calls as they’re checking the bottom of the flower pots that line the front porch and tells them that the keys were mistakenly put in the mailbox. The same mailbox that sits at the end of the mile long driveway. Kamile makes to get back in the car to drive to the end of the driveway but Mingyu suggests walking it.

“It would be faster in the car.”

“You heard that therapist lady. We’re supposed to be spending time together. What better way to do it than by walking two miles?” Kamile walks back and forth as she considers her options. She can resist which will probably lead to yet another fight or she can just suck it up and walk to the mailbox. With a groan, she makes her decision.

“Fine, but if I get tired you’re carrying me.”

“Anything for you, my lady.” He bows deeply which almost makes Kamile crack a smile. She steels her resolve quickly though and reminds herself not to get caught up in his antics. He’s going to have to do a lot more than make her laugh in order to get out of the dog house.

The walk to the mailbox and back is quiet for the most part. Their footfalls join the hum of the wildlife in the woods that line the driveway on either side, but the jokes and playful jabs that used to fill the air between them is noticeably absent. Neither one is sure of what to say or do around the other anymore. Thankfully, the key is hanging on a hook inside the rather large mailbox.

Mingyu fully expected for Kamile to ask to be carried on the way back. She’s never been a huge fan of physical activity so it doesn’t come as a surprised to him when she starts whining halfway back to the cabin.

“I can’t do it just leave me here with my flower friends. I’ll become one with the forest.” Mingyu wordlessly moves to crouch down in front of her. He’s thankful that she can’t see his face to save himself the embarrassment of having to explain why he’s so excited to carry her for the last half mile to the end of the driveway.

Kamile doesn’t hesitate a single second to climb onto his back, clinging to him like a koala. It’s not lost on either one of them that this is the most physical contact they’ve had with each other in months. She’s wrapped around him tight enough that he doesn’t need to support her thighs, but he does it anyway. No way in hell is going to let this moment pass by without taking full advantage. 

They opt to spend the rest of the day just getting settled in. Yeojin had encouraged them to share a bedroom but Kamile is not down with that. Mingyu is disappointed when she wheels her suitcase into one of the guest bedrooms but he takes solace in the fact that she’s chosen the one right across the master where he’d dropped his things hoping she’d follow. He hopes that at some point in the next few days she’ll finally share a bed with him again. 

Dinner ends up being Thai takeout. Kamile has to admit that she’s impressed when Mingyu is able to rattle off her usual order with practiced ease. There once was a time when they’d get Thai food together all the time, but they’re so far removed from that time that she was sure he’d have forgotten by now. They eat without a single word exchanged before going their separate ways to bed.

Day 2

Mingyu wakes up before the sun despite the fact that he slept all of two hours the night before. His hands are on the verge of trembling from all of the nervous energy coursing through his body. Today is the official first day of marriage bootcamp and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s barely seven so there’s no way that Kamile has even attempted to get out of bed yet. Like a thief in the night, Mingyu creeps down the hall to peek into the bedroom that she had claimed as her own. A small smile graces his face at the cute way she hugs one of the throw pillows to her chest. It falters a little when his brain reminds him that she used to hug him close to her like that and not a pillow, but he shoves that depressing thought away for now. He has work to do.

The smell of bacon rouses Kamile from sleep, luring her down the stairs. She grunts a greeting at the man currently tending to a pan of scrambled eggs as she reaches for the stack of bacon on the counter to his left. Mingyu is quick to swat her hand away before she can secure her bounty.

“The eggs are almost done. Be patient.” Kamile whines at being chastised, scowling at the back of Mingyu’s head with disdain.

In the midst of her grumbling, she finally takes notice of his attire or the lack thereof. Saliva pools in her mouth at the sight of his muscles flexing as he cooks the eggs. Her gaze moves lower to his trim waist and the pair of gray sweatpants hanging from said waist in a way that has no business being as attractive as it is. Her fingers twitch with the urge to slide her hands beneath the waistband of those sweatpants to get at that prize she knows is there but she keeps them to herself.

“Earth to Kamile.” Mingyu chants as he waves a spatula in front of her face. She blinks rapidly, doing her best to clear the thick fog of arousal from her mind. The uncomfortable sensation of her panties sticking to her skin is quickly forgotten when Mingyu holds up a plate peeled high with bacon, eggs, and blueberry pancakes.

“Thanks, Gyu.” Kamile murmurs as she takes the proffered plate and heads for the table. She falters half a step when she realizes that she’s let his nickname slip. She prays that he didn’t notice and if he did, she prays he doesn’t say anything about it.

“Gyu? Haven’t heard that one in a while.” Looks like that prayer went unanswered. The shit eating grin on Mingyu’s face makes her itch. 

“I’m hungry and thankful. Don’t push it.” 

They eat in silence. The only sounds are their forks as they make contact with their plates.  Mingyu is kicking himself in the ass for not saying anything but his brain is short circuiting. Thankfully, the buzzing from the intercom by the front door signaling that someone is at the front gate. It’s the special grocery delivery he’d requested for the first of their planned activity days. 

“What’s all this for?” Kamile asks curiously. She pokes through a few of the bags to see fresh strawberries and a variety of other fruits along with a very large bag of rice cakes.

“I was thinking we could have a picnic today for our first planned activity.” His heart races as he waits for Kamile’s reaction to his idea. She munches on a piece of bacon as she continues to pull things out of bags.

“I dig it.” Mingyu feels weak with relief at his idea being well-received. “Why so many rice cakes though?”

“You’ve been a tteokbeokki fiend since we met. Didn’t see the point in depriving you while we’re here if I could just make it for you.” Kamile groans at the thought. She’s more than capable of feeding her own addiction with the spicy rice cake dish, but she’s never been able to make it as good as Mingyu. Despite the fact that she just ate, she contemplating requesting that he make a batch of it right now.

Mingyu grabs a knife to start chopping up some of the fruit. Kamile takes a seat at the island across from him, propping her chin in her hand as she watches him work. She’s always loved watching him cook almost as much as eating the food he makes. She can’t even remember the last time that she was able to do this. It feels like a lifetime ago. Her eyes with sparkle with fascination watching him prepare the food for their picnic. 

“Open up.” Mingyu holds a strawberry up to her lips and Kamile opens her mouth without hesitation. The berry is perfectly ripe and so juicy that a stream of it runs down her chin. Mingyu reaches out to swipe it away, licking the liquid from his thumb. 

“Tasty.” Kamile squirms in her seat at the way his lips wrap around his thumb. Time for her to make an escape before she does something crazy like fuck her husband in someone else’s kitchen. 

Mingyu watches Kamile hastily retreat with barely concealed glee. He’d thought that she’d stopped being attracted to him, but that is incorrect if the results of the little experiment he’d decided to conduct are to be believed. He smiles to himself as he continues cutting up fruit. There might be hope for them yet.

After agonizing longer than he should have over the best spot to set up their little picnic, Mingyu finally picks a spot. He’s so focused on how best to arrange everything on the blanket that he doesn’t even notice Kamile creeping up behind him. He nearly jumps out of his own skin when she clears her throat much to Kamile’s amusement.

“Did I scare you?” It’s clear to her that she did, but making him admit it is too good for her to pass up. 

“No…maybe.” Kamile hums in response, kneeling across from him on the blanket. “That dress is really pretty on you.”

“Thank you.” She mumbles in response. It’s been so long since she’s heard any sort of praise or compliment from Mingyu that she doesn’t even know how to respond anymore. It almost feels brand new. 

Eager to rid herself of the awkwardness blooming in her chest, Kamile grabs a fork and shoves what she thinks is a potato straight in her mouth. In her haste, she fails to realize that the potato she thought she had is actually an onion. Mingyu doubles over with laughter at the pure disgust painted across Kamile’s face. She desperately wants to spit it out but she was raised to believe that spitting out perfectly good food is only a half step below a sin so she powers through. She chugs one of the glasses of fresh squeezed lemonade on the small tray to her right as Mingyu continues to cackle at her plight. 

“You set me up for failure.” Kamile has hated onions from the womb according to the stories her mother told about the smell of onions making her nauseous for her entire pregnancy. Mingyu must pay for this. 

“I purposely cut them big enough for you to easily pick them out. You weren’t supposed to eat them.” Mingyu defends himself breathily as he tries desperately to stop laughing. Kamile reaches out to punch him in the arm which only serves to make him laugh harder.

Silence falls over them again although, unlike breakfast this morning, they’re able to exchange some small talk here and there. The awkwardness that they’d started off with wanes and wanes until they’re left comfortably enjoying each other’s presence for the first time in a long time. 

Mingyu finds himself unable to take his eyes off of Kamile. He’d meant it when he’d said that the yellow sundress she’s wearing looked pretty on her. It compliments the rich mahogany of her skin as if it was made especially for her. The plethora of curls that he’s always loved are full of life as she bobs her head side to side, one of her many habits that Mingyu has always adored. His chest feels tight with the weight of his love for her. He can’t believe that he nearly let her slip away.

“You’re staring, Mingyu.” Kamile says between bites of the strawberry she’d grabbed. Mingyu opens his mouth to answer when a distant rumble beats him to the punch. 

“Oh shit.” 

The two of them hastily toss the near empty dishes back into the picnic basket. Dark clouds are steadily rolling in with the speed of a bullet train. Just when they think they might be able to make it back into the house, their luck runs out. The rain comes down in sheets, drenching them in seconds. Kamile is so thankful that the lack of pockets on her dress lead to her choosing to leave her phone inside.

Kamile is the worst mood when they finally reach the safety of the house. She just went through the stress and physical exhaustion of wash day two days ago and now she has to do it all over again five days ahead of schedule. 

“Did you not check the fucking weather before you decided to turn us into sitting ducks outside?” She seethes. Mingyu arches a brow in confusion at her sudden mood swing.

“Of course I did. It was supposed to be nothing but sunshine all week.”

“Well, clearly that was a lie but I’ve grown to accept that from you. Now I’ve got to go suffer through wash day ahead of schedule.” Mingyu winces at her words, but he’s nothing if not an opportunist so he chooses to ignore it in favor of jumping on the more important statement Kamile just made. 

“Can I help you with your hair?” He asks as he follows his grumpy wife up the staircase. She pauses outside her room to fix him with a glare.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why? I’ve always helped you with your hair.” In his mind, this isn’t a huge request. The Kamile he knew used to be only too happy to allow him to hand over her hair products for him to do her extensive wash day routine for her. He’d actually gotten so good at it that he’d even started doing her younger sisters’ hair whenever he was in the states to visit.

“I barely know who you are anymore and you expect me to let you touch my hair? Not a chance in hell.” Kamile’s voice climbs in volume until she’s practically yelling. 

The last thing Mingyu wants to do today is fight, but enough is enough. Their screams echo through the spacious house as they go back and forth over Kamile’s mistrust of Mingyu. He doesn’t get it and she thinks it’s incredibly shocking that he doesn’t. Kamile’s phone rings somewhere in the bedroom she has yet to enter, effectively interrupting their spat. She leaves Mingyu in the hallway in favor of answering it and groans out loud when she sees that it’s a FaceTime call from Yeojin. She’d forgotten all about the daily check-ins that the therapist had mentioned she’d be conducting. She goes back out to the hallway and drags Mingyu with her to the staircase so they can get this call over with without ruining the carpet in her room. 

“Hello, love birds! How’s everything going?” Yeojin chirps once the call connects. Her hopeful smile falters slightly when she sees the sour looks on her clients’ faces.

Mingyu is only too happy to give the attentive marriage counselor a full rundown of what was happening before she called. Kamile scowls at him the entire time. To hear him tell it, she’s the bad guy but anyone with common sense would’ve left her alone after she’d made it perfectly clear that she was not in the mood to have a conversation. She can’t wait for Yeojin to drag him therapeutically for not picking up on that. 

“Kamile, what do you think lead to you lashing out like that? The rain was not his fault.” The woman in question is thrown off when the outcome she was expecting doesn’t come to fruition.

“He should’ve checked the weather before deciding to have a picnic outside but that’s neither here nor there. I feel like I made it very clear that I didn’t want to talk to him and yet he kept pressing the issue.” Kamile can’t believe that she has to defend herself. Mingyu is so hasty with responding that it sounds like a keyboard smash is coming out of his mouth.

“I would like to make it known that I did not say one word to you when we came back inside until you started yelling at me.” He looks incredibly smug as he watches Kamile’s mouth open and close as she tries to think of a way to refute his statement. “I would also like to make it known that I have been obsessive about every detail of this picnic and I would have never had it outside if there was even a slight chance that it might rain. Maybe if you had a little more faith in me you could see that.”

“And that brings me to my next point.” Yeojin begins. “We’ve established that the infidelity was a myth, so why do you continue to hold on to that mistrust, Kamile? I want you to really think about it and be completely honest with both us and yourself. I’m not saying that whatever you’re feeling is wrong because you are entitled to feel that way but I think it would be good for the both of you if why you feel that way is better understood.”

The theme of the day continues to be silence as Kamile ponders the question put before her. She’s mature enough to admit that not trusting Mingyu while also admitting that she believes him when he says that he didn’t cheat is contradictory. The root of that contradiction is something she’s been trying to avoid ever since she got roped into that surprise therapy session. Mingyu’s alleged infidelity had been her out. Her escape. She had cut and run on the back of a false truth and that reality is something that’s been hard for her to process. Tears well up in Kamile's eyes as she thinks back to Mingyu’s rant about their wedding vows when they’d first arrived. She’d thought that everything was his fault and being forced to face the truth is difficult. Mingyu’s harsh glare softens as he reaches out to wipe the tears from her face as they start to fall. He sighs when she pulls away from him.

“I can see that I’ve found a sore spot so I won’t press this any further today. We’ll revisit this in the future.” Yeojin gives them some tips on how to better communicate before she ends the call.

Kamile is only too happy to end the call so she can lock herself in her room. She doesn’t even come back out for dinner despite Mingyu all but begging outside of her door. He’s not sure what mental dots she connected when they were talking to Yeojin, but whatever it was seems to have upset her more than he’d originally thought.

A weather alert comes through on Mingyu’s phone as he watches TV downstairs. Apparently the storm that had snuck up on them earlier is part of a much larger system of severe weather that changed course and is expected to hang around the area for the next day or two. His first thought is Kamile. She’s terrified of thunderstorms. Always has been. 

He thinks back to a time before they started dating when Kamile was just Vernon’s pretty American friend that he had a huge crush on. She had come to Korea to visit and insisted on sleeping on the couch despite the fact that everyone tried to give up their room for her. Much like today, a nasty storm rolled in and in her panicked state she had accidentally ended up in his room instead of Vernon’s. The realization had been comical and she’d tried to leave to go to the right room, but a sudden clap of thunder that seemed to shake the whole building sent her diving into his arms where she stayed for the rest of the night. She slept through a thunderstorm for the first time in her life that night. A selfish part of him hopes that this storm brings him the same luck he had all those years ago.

Day 3

Heavy rain beats against the window like a prize fighter while thunder rattles Kamile’s brain until she feels like screaming. There aren’t many things that strike true fear in her heart, but thunderstorms are definitely somewhere in the top five things on that list. She’s got her headphones in and her music blasting, but it does very little to drown out the war going on outside. She rips the blankets from her body and makes for the bedroom door to go get in bed with Mingyu but like the fifty other times she’s attempted to do that she stops herself in the hallway. The door shuts with a soft click as she seals herself back in her own personal hell. 

Kamile jolts awake not even aware of when she had even managed to fall asleep. Sweat has glued her clothes to her skin and it’s making her skin crawl the longer she lays there. She groans aloud when she hears the rain still beating against the window pane. The alarm clock on the nightstand says that it’s just barely six in the morning which means it’s been exactly one hour since she apparently passed out from exhaustion. A rumble off in the distance lets her know that she probably won’t be getting more sleep any time soon so she drags herself to the bathroom for a shower. 

Freshly showered and in desperate need of caffeine, Kamile makes for the kitchen. Mingyu’s bare back comes into view for the second consecutive morning when she rounds the corner. His hair is sticking up in odd directions and he looks to be five seconds from falling asleep standing up as he stabs at the buttons on the coffee maker.

“Why are you up so early?”

“You need coffee.” He replies with a yawn.

“Yeah, but I can make it myself. You didn’t need to lose sleep to make me coffee.” She protests. Mingyu turns to glare at her until Kamile raises her hands in surrender.

“If you’re up, I’m up.” Kamile shakes her head at him as she pulls two mugs out of the cabinet. No sense in arguing with him when he’s clearly made up his mind about suffering.

The two of them sit in silence side by side, sipping their coffee, and staring out the window watching Mother Nature do her thing. Out of habit, Kamile leans over to rest her head on MIngyu’s shoulder. She stiffens when she realizes what she’s doing. Mingyu holds his breath. Scared that if he makes any sudden movements the bubble will burst and she’ll move away from him. She surprises the both of them when she lets the tension drain from her shoulders instead, relaxing into him.

“I’m sorry.” Kamile whispers into the void. If Mingyu wasn’t so acutely focused on her every move, he probably wouldn’t have even heard it over the wind. 

“Me too.” He turns his head to softly kiss the top of her head, taking a moment to inhale the familiar scent of her hair products. He never knew it was possible to miss a singular smell so much.

They’ve exchanged exactly four words since they sat down at the table, but they mean so much. There’s a near palpable shift in the air. Like a switch has flipped. An unspoken truce between them that they are in this together. Kamile lifts her head to finish her coffee and Mingyu immediately misses the weight of her head on his shoulder.

“Did you ever finish watching The Originals?” Kamile asks before downing the last of her coffee.

“No, it was kind of our thing so I haven’t watched it since we stopped watching it together.” She hums in response.

“Well, it looks like we’re going to be stuck in this house all day so we may as well pick up where we left off.” Mingyu nearly chokes on his coffee. He can’t even remember the last time Kamile willingly suggested that they spend time together. He pinches himself to make sure he’s not dreaming which she rolls her eyes at. 

“Come on. You’re in charge of snacks.”

For the next eight hours, their butts are glued to the couch. They only get up to use the bathroom and replenish their snack pile. They’ve spent so much of their time arguing that Kamile had forgotten how much she loved just being with Mingyu. Klaus is about to rain down hellfire on some of his enemies when Mingyu’s phone vibrates in the pocket of his sweatpants. Kamile can feel it against her own thigh and it’s only then that she realizes the way that they’ve gravitated towards each other over the course of the day. If she were to get any closer to him, she’d be sitting in his lap. Mingyu had intended to ignore the call, thinking it might be someone from the company despite his strict instructions not to contact him, but he answers it instead when he sees that it’s Yeojin. 

“Well don’t you two look cozy. I was planning to pick up where we left off yesterday, but I’d rather talk about this first.” Yeojin looks entirely too smug as she brings attention to the lack of space between the two of them. Mingyu half expects Kamile to scoot away from him now that it’s been pointed out just how close they are, but she stays put. 

“Can’t a girl just sit next to her husband without being questioned to death?” Kamile asks playfully. Yeojin chuckles and moves on with their daily check in. 

“Fine, fine I’ll leave it alone. Let’s get down to business. Mingyu we didn’t get to hear from you a lot yesterday so I’d like to get into how you felt when Kamile left. What was that like for you?” Yeojin rests her chin on her hand as she waits to see what’s going to come out of the box of emotions she just opened. 

Mingyu briefly realizes that this is the first time he’s talked about that day to anyone as he recounts that dark morning like the nightmare it was. Kamile listens in stunned silence while he tells his story. After seeing the bags under his eyes at Yeojin’s house, she’d figured that he’d suffered just like she had, but she’d never imagined that waking up to find her rings and the note she’d left had affected him to the extent that it did. The guilt that’s been festering in her gut increases tenfold at the thought of him heaving into the toilet.

“I knew things weren’t the greatest but I truly did believe that we were strong enough to get through whatever. Divorce never crossed my mind even once so it killed me to know that it had not only crossed her mind but became a viable option that she ran with. I get why she thought that was the best option now, but then it felt like I’d been blindsided.” Mingyu explains. His words are laced with the hurt that he’s been keeping to himself. Kamile picks at the words screen printed down one of the legs of her sweatpants wishing that a hold would open beneath her and swallow her up. She’s never felt so low.

“Kamile, I see you’re getting emotional. What are you feeling right now?” Yeojin gently pries. Mingyu pulls Kamile into him as his own emotions start getting the better of him. Yeojin is pleased to note that, unlike yesterday, Kamile doesn’t snatch away from him. 

“I was so focused on how unhappy I was that I didn’t consider anything else. It was all about me, me, me.” Kamile stares off into space as she opens up. She’s never talked about this with anyone but her best friends. In hindsight, they might not be sitting where they are right if she’d just talked to Mingyu about it ages ago but then again hindsight is always 20/20. “I visited Korea plenty of times when we were dating, but living here as the black wife of an idol has been so hard. Being from America, I’m used to people treating me different because of my skin color but when people feel entitled to be so invasive about it because of who I’m married to…it’s different.”

Mingyu’s jaw is on the floor as he listens to the struggles that his wife was having right under his nose and he never knew. He noticed that she’d become more withdrawn and hostile but he could never figure out why and she wouldn’t tell him when he asked. It comes as no surprise to him now that she stopped going outside. He can’t exactly blame her. Seventeen is going on their eighth year so Mingyu is a seasoned veteran at ignoring the things people say on the internet. Unfortunately, Kamile didn’t have that luxury. His stomach turns at the tales of her being approached on the street by people who wrongly called themselves fans thinking they were protecting him. The racist comments made about her online. She was suffering and he just let it go on thinking that she was just being moody.

“Do you think that caused you to develop a little resentment for Mingyu and his idol status?” 

Kamile’s first instinct is to say no, but given that they are supposed to be as honest possible she tamps down the lie before it can slip out. She did resent that she’d fallen for someone with such great public notoriety sometimes. It was different when she was just one of Vernon’s childhood friends. The general public didn’t really care what she did from day to day, but now one wrong move turns her into a trending topic and she doesn’t know how to handle it. There are days that she wishes that Mingyu was just a normal person, but then they would have never met and that’s not a reality she truly wants to live in despite her feelings towards him when she walked out. 

“Maybe a little bit but I know we’d have never met if he wasn’t Mingyu from Seventeen so it’s pointless really.” 

They talk with Yeojin a little while longer before she has to go to her next appointment. The air between them is heavy with the weight of the secrets that have come to light. It’s a stifling atmosphere and it’s beginning to drive Kamile insane. She reaches for the remote to restart their show, but Mingyu takes it from her.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” His eyes are misty as he struggles to hold himself back from crying once more. He could kick himself for not doing his best to shield her from the people that had killed her spirit.

“You’re already so busy and the last thing I wanted to do was add to everything else on your plate.” Mingyu wants to scream. She means more to him than being an idol. She always has. He cups her face in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers. 

“Promise me that you won’t hold stuff inside like that anymore and I promise to be better at not letting you. Deal?”

“Deal.” Kamile’s eyes flutter closed as Mingyu pulls away to press his lips to her forehead. 

He clears his throat before grabbing the remote to resume their show. For the next few hours, conversation is limited to the messy lives of the supernatural beings on the screen before them. The wind still howls. The rain is unceasing. Yet in the little bubble of Netflix and snacks that they’ve created, it may as well not even exist. 

Until bedtime that is.

“You know,” Mingyu says as they file up the stairs. The seemingly ever present bad weather still continues, “…you don’t have to sleep alone. I know you don’t like storms.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” It would be so easy to take him up on his offer. She could finally get some sleep, but for whatever reason she can’t bring herself to do it.

“Well you know where I am if you change your mind. Good night, Kamile.”

“Good night, Mingyu.”

Kamile stares at the ceiling in despair. She didn’t think it was possible for the storm to get worse but apparently Mother Nature took that as a challenge. She’s starting to genuinely concerned about whether or not the window by her bed can withstand the force of the weather it’s being forced to deal with. Kamile contemplates running to Mingyu’s room but shuts that idea down for the millionth time. Things feel...different between them after today’s call with Yeojin but she’s not sure if they’ve been different enough to justify hopping into bed with him quite yet. 

“This is fine. I don’t need to sleep.” She whispers into the void. 

She’s accepted her fate and made peace with it. Or at least that’s what she thought she’d done. A crack of lighting illuminates the room despite the blackout curtains over the window followed by a thunderous boom so loud it seems to vibrate her very being. Kamile is across the hall before she even has the time to process what she’s doing. Mingyu is out cold when she bursts into the room. Her brain chooses that moment to catch up to what she’s doing and flips on the switch of self-consciousness. Another loud boom has her throwing caution to the wind once more, sliding beneath the blanket to get as close to him as possible without waking him up. 

Kamile lays next to him a trembling anxious mess as the storm rages on. She’s so consumed by her own fear that she doesn’t even notice the man next to her has roused from sleep until he’s wrapped both of his arms around her to pull her into his warm chest. It’s as if the environmental warfare outside ceases to exist the second Kamile’s cheek makes contact with Mingyu’s skin. His presence drowns everything out just like it did all those years ago. The sleep that had been evading her comes quickly in his embrace. 

Day 4

A ray of sunlight shines perfectly through a crack in the curtain to hit Kamile square in the face. She squirms around trying to escape it and gets a frustrated groan in response. It’s then that she registers the weight of the arm that rests loosely across her midsection. The memory of running to Mingyu’s bed in the middle of the night comes rushing back to her. Her first instinct is to bolt, but she’s so touch starved that she finds herself turning in his hold in a bid to get closer. 

“Good morning.” Mingyu grunts something in response that she’s sure he thought sounded like good morning.

He slots one of his legs between hers and unintentionally allows her to feel the morning wood barely contained by his boxer briefs. Mingyu’s even breathing indicates that he’s fallen back asleep. Kamile would love to do the same but all of her attention is laser focused on the hardened appendage intimately pressed against her upper thigh. A damp spot has already started forming in her panties. She needs to get out of this bed now. Kamile squirms and wiggles around trying to get away, but it would seem that her efforts are having the opposite effect. A throaty groan slips from Mingyu’s lips.

“Stop moving.” He mumbles still half asleep. Kamile does her best to stop fidgeting and focus her attention elsewhere, but it’s not working. Her inner muscles clench around nothing as thoughts of what Mingyu could do to her dance dangerously through her mind. 

“I have to pee.” Mingyu cracks one eye open. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that he doesn’t believe her for a second but he releases her anyway. He sighs as he watches her run off to the en suite bathroom. 

Mingyu is noticeably absent when Kamile emerges from the bathroom fresh off a rushed orgasm though hardly sated. She follows the scent of coffee downstairs to find Mingyu bent over digging through one of the crisper drawers in the refrigerator. Back before everything went to shit she would’ve slapped his ass with glee and run away before he could exact his revenge. Good times.

“Did you hear what I said?” Kamile was so focused on his ass that she hadn’t even registered the fact that Mingyu had said anything.

“Huh?”

“I said do you want to get in the hot tub later since we can go outside now?” He repeats as he hands over a cup of coffee already milky and sweet the way she likes it.

“It’s almost 80 degrees outside and you want to get in a hot tub?” She questions slowly to which Mingyu responds with an emphatic yes. “Be honest. Are you just trying to see me in a bikini?”

“Absolutely.” He giggles when Kamile reaches out to smack him on the arm. “Why are you attacking me? Yeojin said we have to be honest at all times.” 

“I don’t think that included being a horny little shit.”

“I’m a man with eyes and a hot wife. I can’t help.” Despite the compliment, Kamile’s mood sours at his words. Mingyu’s freshly honed observation skills picks up on it immediately.

“Uh oh, did I say something wrong?”

“If I’m so hot, then why haven’t we had sex in four months? We used to go at it like rabbits and then one day you just stopped initiating things.” 

Mingyu is quick to point out that he did try to have sex with her plenty of times, but she pushed him away. Eventually, he gave up. It’s almost funny when the dots start connecting in her head. Her personal struggles had originally been why she denied him sex, but then he’d started coming home doused in perfume so she really didn’t want anything to do with him then. Mingyu has never been a very pushy person so he figured he’d just wait her out. He didn’t think that he’d end up in a four month dry spell (and counting), but he was also not about to look for satisfaction outside of his marriage either. 

“How about we save this sex talk until after I’m finished cooking? All of the blood in my body is rushing south and these rice cakes are starting to look like nipples.” Kamile nearly chokes on the water she’d just taken a sip of. Tears pour from her eyes as her body can’t decide if it wants to laugh or die of asphyxiation. 

“Woah, woah! When we said till death do us part I was hoping we’d be farting dust not barely 26.” Kamile is sure that he wants her dead now as her internal war between laughing and choking only gets worse. 

Despite her earlier protests, Kamile finds herself seated across from Mingyu in the hot tub later that evening as they watch the sun set. She fully expects him to try something from the way his eyes keep drifting south to stare at her chest, but he’s on his best behavior the entire time. 

Day 5

“Hello, love birds! I missed you two yesterday. What happened?” Yeojin looks hesitant almost as if she’s scared of their answer. She looks downright relieved to hear that they missed her call because they fell asleep cuddling on the couch. After getting a run down of everything that’s happened since they last spoke, she encourages them to continue sleeping in the same bed together. 

“Couples often downplay the amount of good that just being physically close to your partner can be. If you’re both comfortable sleeping next to each other without a thunderstorm being the driving force, please keep doing it.” Yeojin pleads before ending the call to go to her next appointment. 

Her words hang in the air even after she’s gone. Mingyu looks over at Kamile with a questioning look on his face. It’s clear that he’s after her opinion on this whole shared bed situation, but Kamile doesn’t have much to say on the matter. The two of them have been pretty much inseparable during the day now, but she’s still nervous about sleeping in the same bed together and she doesn’t know how to shake that feeling. She was too scared to think about it last night but without the weather to distract her she’s not so sure if sit’s a good idea.

“What’s going on in there?” Mingyu taps a finger against Kamile’s temple to get her attention. She shakes her head but he’s got a feeling it’s about what Yeojin’s bed sharing idea.

“If this is about sharing a bed, don’t worry about. You’ve got the rest of the day to decide.” She nods in acknowledgement of his point but Mingyu can tell that the gears in her head are turning even faster than before. Her overthinking is going to give her a headache.

Night time comes entirely too quickly for Kamile’s liking. Mingyu has kept her so busy that she hasn’t had the time to sit down to sort through her thoughts. Knowing him, he probably did that on purpose. He always hated her habit of overthinking everything, preferring to live in the moment and make decisions as they arose. Kamile has never had much success doing that which is why they work so well together. He balances her out and helps her weed out the important aspects of the topic at hand to make faster decisions. 

Her mind is racing as they climb the stairs on their way to bed. Mingyu stops at the door to his bedroom and looks at her with such hope on his face that she almost feels guilty for what she’s about to say. His face falls when Kamile tells him that she thinks it’s better for them to sleep in their own respective rooms tonight. Mingyu is a good sport about it, bidding her good night with a lingering kiss to her forehead. 

Falling asleep has never been a problem for Mingyu which is why he’s utterly confused when he’s still wide awake three hours after getting into bed. He’s in danger of pulling the sheets off of the mattress on one side from how much he’s been tossing and turning. 

This is bullshit. I’ve been sleeping fine every night. What’s the difference now?

Mingyu sits up to fluff his pillows. It doesn’t help. He kicks the ceiling fan up a notch. That doesn’t help either. He counts sheep, ducks, and even cows, but nothing is working. The longer he tries to avoid the obvious the more awake he seems to be. Sleeping in the guest room most nights to avoid arguing had taught him to sleep alone. Now that he knows what it’s like to hold her again, he’s ruined. He wonders briefly if Kamile is awake too. Is she just as restless too? 

He tosses and turns for the better part of another hour. The clock on his phone says that 3 a.m is quickly approaching and Mingyu caves. It takes less than ten seconds to cross the hall to her room, but practicing his explanation as to why he’s in her room at ass o’clock in the morning takes much longer. He knocks twice and pokes his head in.

“Kam?”

“You can’t sleep either, huh?” She asks without even turning to look at the man poking his head into her bedroom. 

Mingyu nearly collapses from sheer relief when Kamile simply reaches behind herself to lift the blankets after he confirms that he’s been unable to fall asleep just like her. He wastes no time sliding in behind her. Before he can even get it out of his mouth to ask, Kamile reaches back to find his arm, pulling it across her waist. 

“Good night, Gyu.” Kamile whispers. Her words are slurred as if she’s already half asleep. Mingyu kisses her shoulder, letting his lips linger against her skin.

“Good night, Kam.”

Day 6

A feather light touch to her lower lip is what prompts Kamile to open her eyes long before she’s ready. She pulls back slightly once her vision clears and she realizes just how close Mingyu’s face is to her own. He even has the audacity to laugh at her surprise.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d wake up.” He’s not sure how long he’s been watching her sleep, but he’d do it for the rest of his days. The pesky organ in his chest skips a beat as he holds Kamile’s gaze like a lifeline. He mulls over his next words very carefully, preparing for a possible rejection just as he did when he came to her room in the middle of night. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please do.” She whispers into the inch of space that separates them. 

Mingyu closed the gap slowly as if he’s giving her time to change her mind. Kamile sighs when his lips finally touch hers. One of his hands comes up to untie the silk scarf tied protectively around her head so that he can bury his hand in the curls he’s always been obsessed with. He uses his grip on her to guide her head as he deepens the kiss. 

She rolls onto her back and pulls him with her so that his much larger frame nearly covers hers entirely. Mingyu lets his primal instincts take over. Too lost in the way her lips are moving against his own. A groan rattles his chest when she squirms beneath him until his hips are situated between her thighs. The thin fabric of their respective underwear are the only barriers separating his aching erection from the place she needs him most. He can’t resist the urge to grind himself against her. If his brain wasn’t so clouded in lust, he’d probably have the mental capacity to feel a little embarrassed at just how quickly he’s risen to full mast. Kamile is floating somewhere beyond cloud nine when Mingyu’s hand that had been cradling her head moves to lightly grip her throat instead while the other rhythmically squeezes and pushes at her ass in time with his thrusts. Her head is tipped back in ecstasy as he kisses along her jaw.

It takes a herculean effort that he wasn’t totally sure he was even capable of, but Mingyu separates himself from the panting woman in his arms. He rocks back on his heels and Kamile’s eyes are immediately drawn to the tantalizing bulge at the apex of his shapely thighs. She reaches for him but Mingyu grabs her wrist before she can get her hands on him. He lifts her hand to his lips, pressing kisses to the back of it.

“Trust me when I say that I would love nothing more than to ravage you right now but if I’m going to be inside you again, I want you to have my ring on your finger.” Kamile starts to speak but stops when Mingyu presses his index finger to her lips. He traces the outline of her kiss swollen lips almost as if he’s in a trance. “I don’t want you to make a decision that you’re not totally comfortable with just because you’re horny. I want you to really want it. I want you to really want us. Now get up so I can feed you.”

A vulgar comment about what she really wants him to feed her crosses Kamile’s mind as Mingyu playfully swats at her thighs to get her moving. She respects his resolve and keeps it to herself but only barely. 

“It’s super nice outside. Wanna go for a walk?” Kamile would actually rather stay inside and enjoy the comforts of the air-conditioning, but Mingyu looks so excited that she finds herself giving in. She disappears upstairs to put on her sneakers mentally kicking herself for being so whipped for the man waiting for her by the patio door.

Mingyu laces his fingers between Kamile’s

They happen across a small stream during their casual stroll around the property. Kamile stops to look at Mingyu to see if he’s on the same wavelength as her. 

“Let’s do it.” 

Their shoes are abandoned under a tree near the creek before running full speed into the water.  The cooler temperature of the water feels like heaven. Kamile squeals when Mingyu splashes her with water. Mingyu suddenly lifts her over his shoulder, using the hand that’s not holding on to her to splash Kamile with more water. She’s out of breath from laughing when he finally lets her down only to steal the rest of her breath away when he surprises her with a kiss. 

“What was that for?” She’s slightly dazed both from the lack of oxygen and the searing kiss he’s just laid on her.

“Because.” He smirks at her before swooping in for yet another kiss.

“And that one?”

“Because part two.” Kamile giggles at his corniness even though she does her best not to give him the satisfaction of knowing it gets to her. Mingyu’s smile somehow gets even bigger at the sound of her laughter. He digs his fingers into his sides to prolong her laughter for his own enjoyment. 

They spend a little longer frolicking around before finally heading back to the house to shower and start on dinner. Kamile unsuccessfully lobbies to shower together but Mingyu is adamant in his refusal. He’s positive that the self-control he exhibited earlier that morning used up all the restraint he could’ve ever hoped to have for the next six months. There’s no way he’d be able to deny her. He kisses her quickly before running off to his own bathroom. 

Mingyu is totally and completely in love. He absentmindedly pushes his food around with his fork as he listens to Kamile rant about the mistreatment and near erasure of some X-Men character named Darwin. He’s got absolutely no idea what she’s talking about but she’s so passionate about it that he can’t help being fascinated. 

“Darwin’s whole entire superpower was that he could adapt to anything and you mean to tell me that robots designed to adapt to and counteract the powers of mutants were built off of Mystique’s DNA? Absolutely not. I might be a little-” Her rant is cut short by her phone ringing on the kitchen counter where she’d left it. She grumbles about being interrupted as she gets up to go get it. It’s Yeojin. 

Kamile returns to the table with her phone, choosing to sit in Mingyu’s lap for their daily check-in. The marriage counselor should get a kick out of that one. Sure enough, their seating arrangement is the first thing that Yeojin comments on. They take turns updating her on everything that’s occurred since they last spoke with her though they leave out some of the more sordid details. 

“This is what I like to hear!” She exclaims with an excited clap of her hands. “It seems that everything is going well right now. Is there anything we haven’t talked about this week that one of you wants to go over? If not, I’m comfortable ending the call here.” They say their goodbyes after confirming that they feel like they’re in a good place right now. Yeojin makes them swear to call her the moment they think they need her but she doubts that she’ll be hearing from them  until their follow-up appointment in a few days. 

Kamile makes to get up to return to her own chair but Mingyu stops her. She shrugs and reaches across the table to grab her own bowl. He smiles to himself as she resumes the rant that she’d been in the middle of before Yeojin’s call. He still has no idea what she’s going on about but he’s content to just listen to her vent. 

Day 7

Anxiety twisting her gut into knots is what eventually pulls Kamile from the bliss of sleep. Mingyu’s side of the bed is empty and she’s thankful for that to a certain extent. She heads for the shower, taking extra care with everything she does until she realizes how cowardly it is to stall like this. Deciding against putting on actual clothes, Kamile opts to just pull on one of oversized hoodies.

“Good morning!” Mingyu leans over to kiss her sweetly before turning back to the pan he’s tending to on the stove. He’s been doing that a lot since yesterday. Just randomly stealing kisses like he’s making up for lost time. 

“Just so you don’t get freaked out when they show up, I’ve got a private chef coming to cook us dinner tonight.” Mingyu mentions as they sit down to eat breakfast. She’s pleasantly surprised that he’s put in so much thought into their anniversary even though he’s yet to directly mention the fact that today is their anniversary. 

Today is their last day in their little safe haven away from the world and the status of their marriage is still technically up in the air. They both know that a decision needs to be made before they leave in the morning, but neither of them has brought it up. It’s like they’ve been tip toeing around the giant elephant in the room and expecting for it to just disappear on its own. 

Other than Mingyu making tteokbeokki, extra spicy and extra cheesy just the way Kamile likes it, they don’t really do much throughout the day. A majority of their time is spent tangled in each other on the couch just talking. They reminisce on the days when they’d first started dating. Kamile nearly falls off of the couch in a fit of laughter at Mingyu’s spot on impression of Vernon’s face when he’d caught them sneaking a few kisses in the dorm kitchen one day. Each memory is sweeter than the last and Kamile is overcome with the urge to make more of those memories. Now that she’s been able to let go of the anger and misplaced resentment that had made her bitter, she actually has hope in that possibility.

The heels of the platform pumps she’d decided on for the night click with every step as Kamile slowly descends the staircase. She’s determined not to let her natural clumsiness send her to the hospital on such an important day. Mingyu holds his hand out to her when she reaches the last few steps. He looks every bit the international superstar that he’s known to be.

“You look absolutely stunning.” Warmth spreads across her face at the whispered compliment. She barely manages to return the favor. Kamile’s nerves are starting to get the better of her and she hopes and prays that there’s wine on the table so that she can drink them away.

Thankfully, Kamile notices a bottle of white wine chilling in an ice bucket next to the table when Mingyu leads her into the dim dining room. The dinner prepared by the chef looks delicious and she’s can’t wait to taste it but wine is her first priority if she expects to make it through dinner without bolting. Her first glass is tipped down her throat in record time much to Mingyu’s amusement. He refills without hesitation though she chooses to actually sip that one as intended.

Conversation flows easily between them as they eat. However, the topic that deserves their attention the most continues to stew on the back burner as they talk about literally anything else. As nervous as Kamile was when she first came downstairs, Mingyu is doubly so. He’s done his almighty best to convince Kamile that their marriage is worth saving without outright begging her. Based on the past few days, he’s incredibly hopeful that she’ll come back home with him tomorrow and stay there but she’s always been a wildcard. You never truly knew what move she was going to make until she made it. The small velvet box in his pocket feels like a stone. During a lull in the conversation, Mingyu makes his move.

“Kamile,” He reaches across the table to grab both of her hands, “Four years ago you agreed to be my girlfriend and I thought that surely that was the happiest day of my life but then you said yes to being my wife and I knew then that I was wrong. You’re the most precious part of my life and I was a fool for not making sure that you knew that every day for the last year.”

Mingyu pauses to get down on one knee next to Kamile, pulling the ring box from his pocket. Her ring is nestled in the tiny velvet box. It sparkles brilliantly even in the dim lighting. “Kamile Kim, will you do me the honor of staying my wife?” 

Tears well up in Kamile’s eyes as she nods her head yes. She’d made countless lists and weighed her options, but in that moment she throws all of that logic to the wind. At the end of the day, Mingyu is the one. He always has been and he always will be. She can’t believe that she almost threw everything away over her own assumptions and insecurities. Mingyu doesn’t hesitate to slide the piece of jewelry onto her trembling hand when she holds it out to him. He stands, pulling her with him so that he can kiss her senseless. 

“I’ve been waiting to say this until I knew where we stood but….happy anniversary, babe.”

“Happy anniversary, Gyu.” She whispers against his lips before kissing him deeply once more. “Now take me upstairs.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” 

#the intimacy anthology #kim mingyu #mingyu seventeen #mingyu idol au #mingyu au #mingyu established relationship #mingyu x oc #mingyu x reader #mingyu x black oc #mingyu x poc oc #mingyu smut #seventeen smut #vernon

[artificialqueens]

Til Forever Falls Apart, 1/2 (Gottrosenali) - Pinkgrapefruit

Denali frowns, eyebrows crinkling with confusion. “Baby, that was yesterday,” he tells her, conviction clear in his voice.

“Nuh-uh,” she replies, shaking her head as she shovels a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

“I swear it was.”

Kahmora looks at him, a little concern in her eyes as she shakes her head again, softer this time. “Unless you’ve suddenly found a soulmate or something, you probably dreamt it,” she tells him, and he concedes, pushing his bacon around his plate, suddenly not hungry.

A/N: hi!!!! i really hope you enjoy this because i’m a little in love with it! I’m not going to explain the premise too much because I’m pretty sure you’ll pick it up! thanks to emerald for proofreading and frey for betaing and thank you so much to ella my love for helping my vague ideas all come together!!!

please let me know if you like it!!!

*

Out on our own

Dreaming in a world that we both know

Is out of our control

But if shit hits the fan we’re not alone

*

He feels like he’s living in a dream - coming off the main stage of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and he won? After the week he’s had, all the twists and turns of the Porkchop Loading Dock, the runways, and ‘Phenomenon’, it’s like a breath of fresh air to be able to relax. Even if it’s just for a little while.

He slips off his heels, padding through the lot without care that he might rip his tights because, god, it feels good to be able to move his toes. Taking them in one hand - heel hooked over his finger, he takes Rosé’s hand in his other - swinging it between them with a contented sigh.

“Good job, Baby,” he whispers, head tilting so the plastic hairs of his wig graze Denali’s face.

“God, I’m so glad you’re here,” he replies, blinking a couple of times because the early evening sun is threatening to make his eyeliner trail down his cheeks. “Bestie vibes.” It’s a high pitched coo that makes Rosé snort, leaning forward to rock on his toes. He tightens his grip on Denali’s hand to make sure he doesn’t fall over, and Denali feels a warmth in his chest.

“Fuck, that voice,” Rosé coughs out, smiling from ear to ear. “Such a muscley little man making such a white girl noise.”

Denali rolls his eyes, but can’t stop the smirk playing on his lips, dropping Rosé’s hand to flip of Kahmora, who’s turned back from chatting to Joey just to raise an eyebrow at the two of them.

He turns back to Rosé and then gestures towards the sound stage. “What do you think we’re walking into?”

“Fuck if I know,” he responds, rustling his plastic sleeves for added effect, sending them both back into peals of laughter that make the PAs scowl at them as they enter the soundstage.

“HARD ICE,” they all scream, forcing Denali to stifle his laughter with the back of his hand before remembering how dark his lipstick is. He turns to Rosé and pouts, letting Rosé fix up the outline of his lips with the pad of his thumb - squinting in the dim lighting.

“All good,” he whispers, and Denali swallows hard at the feeling of his fingers on his face. He shakes his head slightly and switches his focus, putting his white pumps on so he has something to do.

They wait for around half an hour, rotating in their little circle so they each get time under the aircon. When they’re eventually called to move towards the werkroom, he sighs and hauls himself up from the crouch he’s been sat in (tugging on Joey’s arm), feeling his knees pop as they decompress.

When they enter it, faking smiles to cover their apprehension as if they don’t know what’s about to happen, Denali’s eyes scan the room. She takes them all in, red hair, tiny cowboy hat, pigtails, white face - all the usual, staring down at them like they’re less than.

“Ohhh, that’s what’s up,” he hears himself say - chuckling at Rosé’s button to his comment. He feels his shoulders relax when Joey’s scream crosses the room, a collective sigh of relief blanketing the room as they all ease their intimidations. They crowd around the table as if half of them aren’t in wigs bigger than their heads, and Denali feels a stabilising palm on his lower back.

He breathes in through the nose and out through the mouth before turning back into the conversation. He’s exhausted, the adrenaline high from winning long worn off, and he’s grateful Rosé noticed.

They manage to move through the rest of the pleasantries quickly enough, and he’s out of drag, into the van and into his bed quicker than you can say ‘B squad’.

When his head hits the pillow, he lets his weary mind wander to tomorrow. He can’t wait to see what happens.

*

‘Cause you’ve got me and you know

That I’ve got you and I know

If the tide takes California

I’m so glad I got to hold ya

*

Denali’s jolted awake by the tinny tones of the hotel alarm clock, pushing his fists into his eyes and rubbing them a little too hard to try and get himself in the mood for people before ducking into the shower. He does his cursory shaving, his armpits, chest, and chin before starting to brush his teeth, only remembering afterwards that the hotel is doing squeeze your own orange juice this morning. He scowls in the mirror but shrugs, throwing on his clothes (and hoping no one notices they’re the same as yesterday). He’s just in time, and he slips out of the door as the PA calls his name.

He spends the walk down to breakfast trying to remember what he knows about the other queens. He’s heard about Tina from Rosé, and so far she seems to be just as much of a shit-stirrer. Kandy is a well-known name among RuGirl hopefuls, so he’s not shocked to see her, and Symone is linked to Gigi from last season so she’s not a surprise either. He’s surprised Elliott is still here, but it makes sense…

His train of thought is cut off as Kahmora taps his shoulder with a beaming smile, a glass of apple juice in hand. “You excited for Phenomenon today?” She asks, wiping a droplet of the juice off her chin before picking up a plate full of scrambled eggs and following Denali over to their table.

Denali frowns, eyebrows crinkling with confusion. “Baby, that was yesterday,” he tells her, conviction clear in his voice.

“Nuh-uh,” she replies, shaking her head as she shovels a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

“I swear it was.”

Kahmora looks at him, a little concern in her eyes as she shakes her head again, softer this time. “Unless you’ve suddenly found a soulmate or something, you probably dreamt it,” she tells him, and he concedes, pushing his bacon around his plate, suddenly not hungry.

“Okay,” he admits and he tries to forget about it. Admittedly, he does a very poor job - there’s no way in hell he dreamt it - all of the memories feel too tangible. And that doesn’t even account for the way his legs seem to know the choreography before they come up with it. And he’s not the only one because he notices how Rosé keeps getting this dazed look in his eyes and how he marks his entire solo without hesitation. That didn’t happen last time.

Then again, everything seems a little different from last time. He and Rosé don’t bicker over the choreography, instead, working together smoothly which seems to confuse them both.

He realised very quickly that he could ignore the situation or lean into it, so he delights in doing little things that seem to quirk Rosé’s eyebrows until the brunette pulls him aside after rehearsal. He places a firm hand on his hip and holds him in place, using the other to scratch at his scalp in frustration until Denali bats at it.

“Stop it,” he scolds before twisting his body to lean his head on the cold concrete wall. He sighs. “You feel it too, huh?” he asks, trying to be vague in case the hunch he’s got is wrong.

Rosé falls back against the wall next to him before sinking to a squat. “What?” he asks, a little sardonic. “Feel like I’ve already lived this day, but no one else seems to have noticed?”

He sounds exhausted, and Denali realises that he probably hasn’t even asked someone, he’s just going through the motions and hoping he’s not insane.

“You’re not going crazy,” he tries to console - thinking it’s probably what he would want to hear. At Rosé’s small exhale of relief, he reckons he was correct. “I feel it too.”

“Then we’re both crazy, great.”

Denali sits down next to him, letting his legs fall out in front of him and smiles to himself when Rosé’s head falls onto his shoulder.

“Kam told me it was either a dream or I’d met my soulmate,” he chuckles, meaning it as a joke, but trailing off when Rosé tenses next to him.

“What’s the chance we shared the same dream?” Rosé asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“I’d like to find out.”

*

And if the sky falls from heaven above

Oh, I know I had the best time falling into love

We’ve been living on a fault line

And for a while, you were all mine

*

Mik brushes sleep out of his eyes with an absent-minded motion, calling out to the PA banging on his door that he’ll just order room service for breakfast. He hears their call time is four o’clock, but brushes it off in his hazy state until he sits bolt upright. The covers fall onto his lap, pooling on his thighs like fluffy clouds, and he’s half-convinced he needs to fall back into them and just go to sleep. He pulls on a pair of basketball shorts and a beanie, and pads to the door, poking his head around it with a furrowed brow.

“I missed the call time, remind me Mel?” he asks his PA who’s sat in an armchair with an amused expression.

“It’s four,” she tells him, “but please try to stick to the sequester.”

He chuckles, waving a hand in apology before shutting his door and falling onto his bed with a shaky breath.

Something’s not quite right.

He stands up again, anxiety seeping into his limbs and he walks over to the wardrobe - opening it to find a wig head with a long turquoise wig.

“Fuck.”

Next to it is his makeup, set out on the shelf under the mirror in a meticulous fashion - one he can’t remember doing before he went to bed.

He pulls out his small journal and tries to play detective, feeling like a little kid again, scrounging for clues.

There’s his wig - the one he’s pretty sure he wore yesterday and left in the werkroom. There’s his call time - a good nine hours later than he thought it was going to be - and then there’s the weird feeling of deja vu.

It’s crackling through him - blazing up like a wildfire, and he can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is going on.

Yesterday feels so vivid and real. He remembers how Symone smelt when she hugged him, and the timbre of Denali’s voice even though he’d never met him before.

Deciding he’ll figure it out once he’s had some food, he flicks the TV on and pulls the room service menu out of the drawer next to his bed. He’s ordering when he hears the news.

June seventh.

Again.

*

I’ve spent a lifetime giving you my heart

I swear that I’ll be yours forever

'Til forever falls apart

'Til forever falls apart

*

Rosé rolls out of bed and hits the floor with a sigh. It’s the third time this has happened and while he’s pretty sure the universe could have chosen a better way to wake him up - it’s a pretty good indicator of what day he’s living. He winces as he scrunches up his nose, but knows there’s no lasting damage, so he stands back up with a frown and flicks on the TV for some background noise. Hotels are always a little too silent for him, and he can’t trust his inner monologue not to uncover something he doesn’t want to think about right now.

“June seventh,” he mutters under his breath, “perfect.”

He goes through the motions of getting ready without really thinking about it, pulling on his heather grey sweatshirt and joggers before sliding out of the door. He and Joey share a PA, and so he asks a perfunctory question about Joey’s dance school before tuning out the other man on their way down to breakfast.

He grabs his apple juice quickly and pulls Denali down to sit at a table.

“Ugh, apple juice again?” Denali moans with a pout, placing down a plate of watermelon slices and toast in front of him.

Rosé frowns, looking down at his eggs. “Didn’t you have bacon yesterday?” he asks, and Denali catches on quick enough with a knowing smile.

“Yeah, but I think it’s going to get dull pretty quick if I don’t switch some things up here and there.” He tilts his head in thought before placing an entire wedge of watermelon in his mouth - the rind covering his teeth, so he ends up with a green smile.

Rosé chuckles, wiping a droplet of apple juice from his chin that threatens to dampen his toast.

“I can’t argue there,” he responds, switching his usual ketchup for sriracha on impulse. He takes a bite of eggs and mimes fanning himself, sticking his tongue out to the sound of Denali’s giggles.

“God, you’re so white,” he teases, and Rosé flicks his middle finger up, unable to hide his own smile.

When they finish, they wait quietly for the van to take them to the set, and Denali stretches his arms above his head, twisting from side to side in a way that makes his shirt rise just above the band of his joggers. The trail of hair peeking out in the gap makes Rosé want to run his finger down it, and he has to turn away to keep himself from doing just that.

“Guess this isn’t a dream then,” Denali says, and he hopes his blush is gone when he turns back around to respond.

“I guess not,” he replies lamely and then watches as the brunette chews on his tongue for a second before he seems to remember what he was looking for.

“I spoke to Kam,” he says, and Rosé goes to speak until Denali places a firm hand over his mouth. He makes a face when Rosé licks a stripe up his palm but doesn’t remove it. “I spoke to Kam,” he repeats, rolling his eyes, “and apparently the soulmate thing happens when two soulmates meet for the first time and get stuck in some sort of time loop until they make a connection.” He removes his hand, wiping Rosé’s saliva across his own stubble, making the Scot wince.

“Didn’t want a face covered in my own saliva, but werk, I guess,” he starts, and Denali shrugs as if to say ‘shouldn’t have licked me’, gesturing for him to go on. He lowers his voice but the worry increases. “You did not just walk up to Kam, though, and tell her what’s happening?” He sounds almost frantic, eyes wide, and Denali has to place a cool hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down.

“Chill,” he says as if the whole situation is completely normal. “It was totally natural. I just mentioned I was reading a book.”

“You, reading?” Rosé jokes, seeming to have regained some of his cool. He brushes his hoodie as if trying to remove some stray crumbs and stands up a little straighter.

“Oh, shove off it,” Denali retorts. “You’re allowed to be scared,” he adds, voice softening slightly, “but we do need to actually talk about it.”

He steps a little closer, tilting his head curiously.

“We are talking about it?”

“Sure, love.”

They’re called to the van and the conversation is left alone.

Rosé’s not sure if that’s for the best.

*

So this is it, that’s how it ends

I guess there’s nothing more romantic than dying with your friends

And I’m not sorry for myself

I wouldn’t wanna spend a minute loving anybody else

*

He’s about ready to jump off the balcony, he decides, as he falls flat on his face for the fourth time. He rolls onto his back with a huff and looks up at the wood-chipped ceiling. He wonders if there’s a god up there - if his Nan had been right and the lord really was going to punish him for being gay. Maybe this is it.

He inhaled slowly and lets it out through gritted teeth before rolling back onto his front. Placing his hands on either side of him, he pushes up into a plank before dropping into some push-ups just to prove to himself he can.

And maybe because he’s going to see Denali in twenty minutes or so.

Maybe that’s why he pulls on a teal shirt that clings a little tighter than usual. Or maybe not.

He might as well look nice if God is deciding to smite him - that’s his reasoning, and he says as much to Denali who splutters on his apple juice, spraying it across the table in a way that makes the rest of the cast look at them funny. They’re quite a sight.

“Nice to know you think I’m a punishment,” Denali jokes, mirth in his tone, but just a tiny bit of hurt glittering in his eyes. It’s something Rosé wishes he didn’t see because it sends a slice of guilt through him wider than the San Andreas faultline.

“Baby,” he says, reaching across the table so he can take Denali’s hand, and not even wincing when his arm falls into a puddle of sticky apple juice, “Fuck, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

Denali’s eyes flick down at the table before meeting Rosé’s, too hesitant for his liking. “We need to have that talk,” he says. “I need you to acknowledge what this means.”

Rosé nods, resigned. “Okay,” he agrees, “after the lipsync.”

They fall into their positions backstage, sunk against the wall, a little ways from the others with the air-con providing just enough noise for their conversation to be muffled from others.

Rosé takes Denali’s hand again, rubbing his thumb slowly against the back of it.

“You’re my soulmate,” he says slowly, feeling the words form in his mouth. “Soulmate,” he repeats again - its shape feeling a little too round and a little too rough on his tongue.

“Soulmates,” Denali agrees, and somehow it sounds perfect coming from him.

They sit in silence, listening to the rumble of the air con and the bustle of the crew.

“Surely this is a connection though?” Denali points out after a few moments, and Rosé has to shake his head to allow his thoughts to catch up. He’d gotten stuck on soulmates, and his brain had just stopped. “Like, surely this is something.”

Rosé shrugs, squeezing their intertwined fingers and letting his head fall onto Denali’s shoulder - reminiscent of the first conversation they had like this. “Maybe you need to kiss me,” he suggests, half joking, but Denali places two fingers under his chin.

A sly smile crosses his face, and he presses their lips together before Rosé can blink.

It’s over in seconds, and yet it lasted long enough for Rosé to remember that Denali’s lipstick tastes of vanilla.

He’s not sure he’ll ever forget it.

Denali looks at him in the backstage lights, using the fingers under his chin to manoeuvre his face, and then the pad of his thumb to gently blend any purple into the nude of his lipstick.

“Six out of ten,” he quips, unable to do anything much, except relish in the electricity that seems to be flowing through him from where their lips touched.

“Shut up,” Denali replies with a small smile, standing up and reaching out a hand to tug Rosé up next to him. “I’ll kiss you properly when I know these bitches will remember it,” he points to Kahmora, who’s watching them both with a raised eyebrow - the rest of them seem oblivious.

Rosé smirks.

“Deal.”

#rpdr fanfiction #til forever falls apart #pinkgrapefruit #s13 #rosé #gottmik #denali foxx #denali x gottmik x rosé #kahmora hall #canon compliant #soulmate au #fluff #poly #time loop #denali really wants orange juice and its an ongoing plot point #a comedy of idiots #dumb bitch energy #concrit welcome i guess #we stan v

[kirikinni]

Will You Still Be Here? | krbk

Summary: High school relationships never last but sometimes there really is only one person for you.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Kirishima Eijirou 

Word Count: 11k

Themes: no quirks, normal world au, kiribaku break up, slight nsfw themes

Warning: depression, hinting to abusive relationships, mental health, slight nsfw but like if you squint.

Kirishima Eijirou has always given more than he gets, he has always been the one to pick up calls at three in the morning or stay overnight to make sure they’re okay. Kirishima Eijirou has always been an empath and his mother told him a long time ago that that very thing would back to bite him in the ass. High school was fun, he made friends, scored decently in his classes and got into all the trouble he possibly could have. In high school he met Bakugou Katsuki, in high school he met the love of his life. It was in high school where Kirishima felt like the world was right and the pieces finally connected, it was in high school when Kirishima Eijirou finally felt like he had everything he needed and then all of a sudden he didn’t.

It was a fight here and there at first, they would argue about where to eat or about Bakugou’s anger issues but they would always make up. The two boys would always make up before long and would be seen together soon enough. In the beginning it was a broken pencil or a word that stung a little more than necessary but they would always apologize and they would be in each others arms again. In the beginning it was a hole punched in Kirishima’s bedroom wall and refusal to get help. In the beginning it was name calling and ignoring the signs until that was all it was.

Bakugou Katsuki was damaged, Kirishima knew this when they became friends, he knew this when he started to fall for his friend, he knew this when he finally asked Bakugou out and he knew this when he said ‘I love you’ and he believed that it was nothing he couldn’t fix. Kirishima Eijirou was going to help his boyfriend, he was going to fix his problems and help him become confident and whole again. He was going to love him and support him until that happened but people have limits.

Children have limits and Kirishima found his months before graduation during after school club activities.

“Katsuki hold on.” Kirishima called out as he jogged after his boyfriend. Katsuki had lost a game of dodgeball, being struck out by none other than Izuku Midoriya and that definitely struck a nerve. Midoriya and Bakugou had never really been the best of friends, they’ve known each other forever but he never liked the other boy. Bakugou thought Midoriya was making fun of him, thought that Midoriya was weak and child like for clinging to Bakugou like he did. Kirishima knew it wasn’t any of that and instead just Bakugou projecting his emotions onto the one person who never gave up on him.

“What shitty hair?” He asked, gritting his teeth together. He could not get angry at his boyfriend, he could not angry at someone else and take it out on his boyfriend, he was not going to make Kirishima upset. Bakugou repeated those words like a mantra in his head, ever since he had accidentally blown up on Kirishima and made him cry he had been trying to get control over his anger. To try and not hurt the people he loves because he was too afraid to accept love and support. “What?” he asked again, softer this time. Making a conscious effort to not redirect his anger.

“What happened baby? It’s just a game, remember we talked about this? We talked about not getting so blown up over such small things, you don’t have to be number one at everything. You’re already acing most of the classes, you’re the captain of both the football and basketball teams, the band is due to play next week at the café. Things are going good. You are winning, at the important stuff. This doesn’t matter.” He said softly, trying to remind Bakugou of all the good in his life trying to bring him down from his explosive high.

“You don’t fucking understand.” He said, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. He was not going to get angry, he was not going to scream at his boyfriend.

“Katsu, I do. I get it baby, you need to win but this is silly. This isn’t something you need to win, there’s so much else you can focus on. So much else for you to be passionate about.” He said trying again, Kirishima did not in that minute realize how far he was pushing Bakugou and unbeknownst to him the end of his happy ending was nearing.

“Kiri stop.” He said, feeling the rage climb through his body like a monster taking over. As if the emotion boiled in the very pit on his stomach and it climbed all the way through his body, engulfing him in flames and covering his vision. His anger, his insecurities, his fears all of it spread like a wildfire in a forest with no regard for what it burns or who it kills.

“Katsuki listen to me. There is so much more than this competition you have, there is so much more than this silly fire you have to beat everyone at everything. You are killing yourself, you are hurting everyone around you because you refuse to understand that this is pointless. This feud with Midoriya, this need to be number one at everything, this anger that makes you who you aren’t. It’s pointless and I need you to understand that.” He said and waited. Bakugou’s eyes were downcast, they refused to meet Kirishima but when he finally did there was nothing but malice. Nothing but a fire that burned so bright Kirishima knew he was about to get burnt.

“You wouldn’t fucking understand, you’re okay with being the underdog. You’re okay with being second best, hell you’re okay not even being in the running. You have no fire or passion so you wouldn’t fucking understand. There’s more? There’s so much more? What’s there huh? You? Are you more? You’re delusional and pathetic and you’re stopping me from reaching what I need to reach.” He spat out, his words laced with poison, teeth bared but voice nothing above a whisper. The same decibel at which he would sing ‘I love you’s’.

“Apologize.” Kirishima spoke, his eyes brimming with hot tears, his fists balled up as though he was going to punch his boyfriend. As though he was going to finally throw a punch back but no, his fists were closed to stop the tears from falling. His fists where closed because he hoped the pain from his fingernails puncturing his skin would be enough to dull the knives that where tore at his heart.

He waited, he stood in silence and waited for the apology to come but nothing did. The silence was somehow worse and he did something he never thought he could, he pushed Bakugou to the ground, hands wrapped around his shirt collar. “APOLOGIZE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.” He screamed at the boy and pulled his face up close, as close as he would hold it when they kissed.

Kirishima was pulled off the other boy by his friends, he was dragged off the boy he thought loved him. He was dragged off and his friends felt the heat of his tears fall on their hands, they knew what this meant and the end had come sooner than any of them had expected.

It had been years since the incident, years since Bakugou Katsuki ripped Kirishima’s heart out and chewed it up. Five years to be exact, Kirishima had gotten his business degree and was now working at a company in Tokyo. Still young, still new to his job he lived in a one bedroom apartment with hopes that life will take off one day. He lived most of his days without sparing his past flame a thought but there would be a song on the radio or a meal made in a specific way and he would come crashing down on his kitchen floor and waves of sadness would hit him. He would lay still, bunched up with his knees pressed against his chest as the tears flowed until they eventually stopped. He would cry until they washed away the memories of his touch and his smell and his loving words and all that was left would be the day they broke.

The tears would wash away the good and remind him of the pain and the broken pencils and the constant competition. He would be left with the memory of an empty watering can, gathering rust in the corners, an empty watering can that he has since not been able to fill.

“Kiri you wanna get dinner after work?” His friend asked as he leaned over his own cubicle.

“Sure Kams, where’d you have in mind?” Kirishima asked, not turning his eyes away from the spreadsheet he was editing.

“There’s this new restaurant, opened last week and they have live music. The singers supposed to be really good.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll come down to your floor when I get off cool?”

“Cool, see you later.”

Kaminari and Kirishima joined the company around the same time, both initially thought they would have to beat out the other for the position but both got in and now they spent quite a bit of time together. Kaminari was the only other real friend Kirishima had, his fiancée Jirou was sweet and they would all hang out together sometimes but they weren’t really friends.

Kirishima was grateful for Kaminari, he didn’t ask for a lot from him only that they hung out every so often and that Kirishima played badminton with him. It was an easy type of friendship, no twists or turns, no unwanted fights or late nights discussing the future. They weren’t children anymore, there was no need to discuss the future because this was it. This was their future, Kaminari and Kirishima would work this job, get promoted and milk it until they can retire, Kaminari would marry Jirou and Kirishima would attend the wedding. Maybe years ahead Kirishima will fall in love again, get married, start a family and he will forever in the shadow of the love he lost, forever with the emptiness of that rusting watering can inside him. This was their future so there was no need to think about it or talk about it.

They simply existed and that was all they really wanted to do.

At around 7:00 pm Kirishima switched off his monitor and stretched in his chair, running his hand through his black hair and loosening his tie. Kirishima had stopped dying his hair two years ago. He had been there longer than he expected but Kaminari had not called or texted so he assumed that he was caught up as well. Kirishima gathered his things, pulled his blazer on and walked away from the only thing that gave his life purpose anymore.

“Busy?” Kirishima asked his friend as he stepped out of the elevator on Kaminari’s floor.

“Ah fuck yeah, just give me ten and I’ll wrap up.” Kaminari said and went back to furiously typing away at his laptop.

Kirishima wordlessly sat beside him in a nearby cubicle and waited for his friend to finish. As he watched Kaminari work he was struck again by the thought of how mundane their lives where. How unbelievably still and steady their lives where and while at one point that might have made him sad now it was a relief. Kirishima, at age twenty three had no energy, nothing left to give and with every passing year he felt the rust settle in deeper, take a tighter hold on his being.

Soon Kaminari was done and they could go, the boys walked together out of their office building and down the street. The cold air of the night blew against their faces but after a year in the city they had been accustomed to it. Kaminari led the way to the restaurant, singing it’s praise the whole way. Kaminari was much more animated than Kirishima, he had the glow of one in love, the glow of one who was still full and Kirishima envied him sometimes but most times he pretended not to notice.

“Hi, table for two please.” Kaminari said the lady at the front. She smiled at the boys and led them to a table a little way from the stage but close enough to see. It looked like an old American speakeasy, complete with the wooden bar and stage for a single performer. It was dull and the lights hung low as men and women bustled around serving food on silver platters. Kirishima wondered for a second what their days where like, whether they too where satisfied with the dull of everyday life but the waitress brought them their menu and the thought left him.

Kirishima had no time or interest in trying to unravel the mysteries of the universe anymore, no want to understand the reasoning behind human behavior. There was a time Kirishima wanted to study psychology, become a therapist, help people grow, give them what they needed but that was before the can dried up.

They ordered their food, Katsudon for Kirishima and a burger for Kaminari, ordered a couple of beers and settled into their seats. Kirishima followed the pattern of asking Kaminari about the wedding prep, Kaminari teased Kirishima for still not having a date. They talked about things that were neither here nor there. Things that mattered and didn’t, things that never really made a difference and then their food came.

The lights near the stage dulled as they ate and Kaminari noted that the singer must have arrived. The two boys turned their heads to the stage and watched, their interest split quite unevenly between the food and the awaited singer.

There was a complete lack of light on the stage and only sounds of scuffling that came from that area for a while as they set up. Kirishima turned his attention back to his food until the first few notes of the song floated past the various heads and silver platters straight through his ears.

“All I want is nothing more to hear you knocking at my door.”

“Kiri stop running you loser!”

“Be faster then asshole.”

“Cause if I could see your face once more I could die as a happy man I’m sure.”

“Hey, you know you’re like the only person I like here.”

“Aw I like you too dumbass.”

“When you said your last goodbye I died a little bit inside.”

“Hey, I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither…. Want me to tell you a story?”

“I lay in tears in bed all night alone without you by my side.”

“Hey um, I know you said you where busy today but do you wanna go out with me? Like on a date?”

“But if you loved me why’d you leave me?”

“I love you Katsuki.”

“I love you too Eijirou.”

As the song played, as the music continued and the voice, his voice penetrated his ears, swam through his memories and broke open locks, every memory he had washed away with time and tears and alcohol drowned him.

Kirishima locked eyes with the singer, he wasn’t sure if he had recognized him but Kirishima had seen him. Kirishima knew who it was and Kirishima knew what this meant. He wanted to tear his eyes away, to get up and leave, to pretend this never happened and continue with the life he had built but he couldn’t. He was stuck in place, eyes glued to the stage, to the singer.

The song ended and Kirishima watched on in a daze as if he was watching a movie of his own memories. The song ended and the restaurant erupted in cheers for the singer who smiled and stood up to take a bow.

“Ah thank you everyone, I’m sorry it was so sad but this is one of my favorites. A personal song, after all art is always better with emotions isn’t it?” He asked the crowd and they responded with applause. Kirishima didn’t. “Hello everyone, I’ll be your entertainment for tonight and for every night until Shoto kicks me out. My name is Bakugou Katsuki.”

“Katsuki.” Kirishima whispered under his breath the same time as the singer mentioned his name.

Kirishima had walked out of there with his head hung low after dinner, he stayed and watched Bakugou sing. Watched as he smiled and laughed and interacted with the audience, Kirishima was grateful that they were seated away from the stage. Kaminari didn’t seem to notice his discomfort and even if he didn’t he didn’t acknowledge it.

Kirishima was grateful, he didn’t want to get into his history with the singer who’s blonde hair was reflecting the light stage lights. He looked good, looked better, looked happier and it stung. It pierced through Kirishima that he looked happier while he was still here breaking down from waves of nostalgia and sadness every time he smelled fresh acrylic paints.

Once they finished their meal Kaminari wanted to stay and compliment the singer and chef but Kirishima dished out the excuse he had been working on all night and squirrelled his way out of the restaurant. On the walk back home Kirishima’s heart pounded so loud he felt like there was a marching band following him all the way back to his apartment. He couldn’t stop the wave of memories that took over his mind, the feeling of Bakugou’s hands in his, his legs wrapped around his waist, the heat of his breath against his neck, the soft skin under his lips when they were alone.

It was too much, the memories they beat against him like a sudden downpour, like a storm he had not paid attention to but had grown nevertheless. The smell of Bakugou cooking snacks for them after school, the sound of his loud and thunderous laughter that ricocheted off the walls of his room, the feeling of his soft touches and hot tears after a fight. His touch, his smell, everything about him had engulfed Kirishima’s life once more and it was surrounding him.

Bakugou Katsuki was drowning him all over again.

When Kirishima woke up the next morning he woke up on the floor of his apartment, inches away from his bedroom door, his work clothes still on and his tie discarded in another corner of the room. He looked around in a daze and noticed the mess he had made, how he had trashed his own home because of someone who he knew in what seemed like a different life from now. His kitchen was a mess, the dishes where scattered on the counter and it smelt like he had burnt whatever he was trying to make. There were clothes scattered on the floor and an open suitcase like he was trying to make a run for it, a half empty bottle of scotch on the table and a glass broken against the adjacent wall.

Kirishima had drowned last night and he had made sure he tore down everything else with it. He rubbed his eyes and pressed a hand to his aching head as he looked around for his clock. It was no longer mounted stylishly on his wall but rather was tucked away underneath a bookshelf, thankfully not broken.

“10:00 am” The clock read and he sighed, he was late for work. He hadn’t called in, hadn’t submitted a request for leave but he here he was sitting on the floor not making any kind of move to get up and rush to work. Apologize, grovel, beg for his boss to forgive him. He should be up and hauling his ass to do that and all else but he did nothing. He sat still and stared at the broken glass before laying back down on his back.

Kirishima closed his eyes and when he opened them again it was noon, this time he moved but with no particular rush. He found his phone after a solid ten minutes of searching and checked the many messages he had received from Kaminari asking where he was. Apparently Kaminari had made some bullshit excuse about his getting food poisoning from the food they had and their manager had bought it but expected Kirishima to make up his missing hours by the end of the week and turn in that days reports.

He let out a dry laugh, the excuses, the hungover mornings, the thought of Katsuki Bakugou lingering on his mind, it was all too much like high school, all that was missing was his taste on the tips of his tongue and his hands curled around Bakugou’s hair. He groaned loudly and slapped himself so hard it stung and got off the ground. He stood on his own feet, using the couch near him as support and looked around at the mess he had created. He needed to clean, Kirishima knew that he had to clean but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t bring himself to clean the mess he had created, the mess Bakugou had created so he did nothing.

Instead he left the house exactly how it was and went to shower instead, he scrubbed and scrubbed at his body, every inch, all the hard to reach spots, shampooed himself twice, thrice, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how many times he washed himself the scent never left, the lingering scent of a love lost, the scent of possibility, of wicked horrid hope and possibility lingered on his body and he hated every part of it.

Kirishima only got out of the shower when the water turned freezing cold, he didn’t bother changing into any sort of clothes and instead just sat in his towel for a long while staring at himself in the mirror. He stared at the man in front of him, sometimes shifting from his current self to the image of the seventeen year old who fell in love with his best friend. Kirishima felt tears well up in his eyes but rubbed them away, rough hands against soft skin, he rubbed his eyes until they were red and raw.

He got up and changed into slacks and a red t-shirt and looked at himself once again trying to find where that spark of hope was coming from. Trying to understand why suddenly he didn’t look familiar, where that gaping hole had unpatched itself. There was no denying that he couldn’t recognize who he was looking at, the child in him, the one he locked away a long time ago seemed to be clawing at his bars, begging to be released yet the black hair and sullen face remained like a never-ending prison sentence. Kirishima sighed and pulled out his laptop, typing out an apology to his boss and thanking him for being so understanding of the situation. He got up and decided that if nothing else he would clear his head today. He would remove any and all thoughts he was having about his past and about Bakugou and he would come back the same man who had his life sorted so he plugged his headphones in and went for a walk.

Kirishima was used to this neighborhood, he’s lived here for nearly two years and nothing really changed here. It was the same shopkeepers who called out the prices of their new wares to him as he walked past, the same kids who would run around and play tag or catch or whatever the game of the day was. The same people, same buildings, same lives. He liked it, he liked how much normality existed in his life. He liked the routine more than he would have cared to admit but something was different today.

Kirishima was different today, unlike most days when he would walk past without much occupying his mind today he was lost deep in thought. Thoughts of a blonde lover and the feeling of finding his other half, thoughts of dreams and promises, and adventures that were far from complete. Initially, he was resolved to not think about anything to do with Bakugou but as his steps raised in count and the cold air outside prickled at his skin all he could do was think about the blonde. So he took a deep breath and let himself feel, he let himself relax and let the thoughts consume him so he could let it run through him like water. Let it wash over him and remove whatever he couldn’t keep with him.

“Eiji can you um can you help me with this?” Kirishima smiled a little, the memory of a soft Katsuki Bakugou was something he held deep in his heart. No one believed him, the one time he mentioned how sweet and nervous Bakugou really was no one really believed him but he understood. Katsuki was something hidden, something private and Kirishima had been lucky enough to be allowed into that something. Kirishima was lucky enough to see the side Bakugou tried so hard to hide. Kirishima remembered what came after the question, he remembered turning his head to look at a nervous Bakugou Katsuki, clutching a notebook so tight Kirishima was sure it was going to tear. Bakugou hated losing, he hated not knowing and more than anything he hated asking for help so the fact that Bakugou had come to him meant more than Kirishima could put into words. Kirishima had had a crush on Bakugou since nearly the beginning of their high school careers but right now, with a fifteen year old Bakugou Katsuki standing above him, head hung low glaring holes into the ground was when he really began to fall. Of course Kirishima helped him, he stayed on the floor with his best friend explaining over and over the topic until Bakugou got it, until he smiled so wide with triumph painted across his features it made Kirishima’s heart feel warm.

He sighed at the memory, there was so much of Bakugou that Kirishima knew. So much of the blonde that only Kirishima knew and it would make him a little sad and a little happy but more than anything Kirishima was always grateful. He was so grateful for the right to be allowed inside his heart, grateful to be the one who could calm an explosion with just the touch of a finger. Bakugou was special and somehow, somewhere Kirishima became special to Bakugou.

Kirishima’s mind drifted to the first time Katsuki kissed him, he felt his eyes sting at the memory and his fists curled tight. It wasn’t a passionate taking over of his mind and body like their friends guessed but rather it was a question, something so soft almost a whisper that Kirishima almost didn’t hear “C-can I kiss you?”. It was a single question he asked, spoke as though he was afraid of what Kirishima would say, travelled through the little space that was left between them until he closed the space. Kirishima’s hands moved as though on instinct, cupping Bakugou’s face and pulling him close. It was kind and caring, the kiss was dipped in honey and smothering sweet like Kirishima knew just how much Bakugou needed it. Like he knew just how much of himself was wrapped in barbed wire and hidden away deep under layers of self doubt and insecurities.

Kirishima realised early on in their friendship how much of the child inside Katsuki Bakugou was beaten and moulded into what he is now, how much of the softness and the area to make mistakes was torn away to leave only this rough and scared boy. He realised how much Bakugou struggled with the idea of weakness, how afraid he was of failure and disappointing those around him and himself. Everytime Bakugou flinched when someone older than him raised their hands, the miniscule changes in his face when he was told he didn’t do enough. Kirishima knew the heaviness that weighed on Bakugou’s chest and he spent the better part of his high school career trying to remove it, trying to coax the sweetness back out of him.

“It’s comfortable with you, like you bring peace to my life.”

So Kirishima always kissed him soft, he always held his hands as though he was holding a new born and talked sweet. His hands would trace the lines on Bakugou’s face and the scars on his body, he would breathe into kisses and smile against the other boys lips. There was nothing fast or needy about the way the boys held each other, they took their time and learnt each other at a slow pace. They discovered pleasure and pain and became in tune to each others bodies and minds. Kirishima made it clear every time their bodies connected that he was here, he was in love and he would take care of the other.

Lost in his memories of his lover Kirishima finally found himself back at the restaurant, his feet had traced the path back to the restaurant and a single look inside the large window was enough to drop Kirishima’s heart down to his feet.

There he was, the boy he had just been day dreaming about except he wasn’t that boy anymore. He was older, taller, filled out his frame, his hair was trimmed at the back and sides and he had metal in his ears but that wasn’t what caught Kirishima. It was the way he was laughing, it was the simple fact that Bakugou was laughing. His head thrown back and his mouth open in a way that suggested loud guffaws. Kirishima felt a cold hand wrap around his neck as he watched the man he was so in love with laugh with another. The other man, hair half red and half white stood at the table opposite from Bakugou an unamused expression on his face.

Kirishima watched as Bakugou’s eyes crinkled and his expression settled into something that was comfortable, something that felt right at home, an expression he remembered fondly from when he would hold the blonde in his arms. It was an expression he wore only for Kirishima but here he was, with another sharing what Kirishima helped bring out. Maybe Kirishima would have worked up the courage to walk in there, to grab Bakugou and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe any longer. Maybe he would have slapped him, called him horrible names and blame him for giving up on them. Maybe he would have done many things if Bakugou hadn’t turned around to face him so instead Kirishima ran. He ran from the one person he had sworn to never run from, the one person he promised he would stick by. He ran until his lungs gave out and collapsed against a wall, he sat there trying to catch his breath, trying to expel the image of a laughing older Bakugou Katsuki from his mind but the harder he tried the harder it got.

He sat there, back pressed against the wall as images of Bakugou rushed past his eyes, his black tanktop and the way his skin gleamed against the dark color. The way his body fit so well into what he wore and the metal in his ears, the longer he thought about the more erotic the images in his mind became. Katsuki Bakugou was no longer a scrawny fifteen year old but he was older, he was built, he was undeniably attractive and a twenty three year old Eijirou Kirishima wanted nothing more than to be smothered by the other man.

Kirishima ran all the way back to his apartment again trying to shut out the thoughts that took over his brain but it was of no use. By the time he reached home his mind was so overcome with thoughts of Bakugou Katsuki all he could do was bee line to his washroom and fix the heat that began at the pit of his stomach with one hand in his pants and another covering his eyes.

After that day Kirishima made a promise to himself that he would never go to the restaurant again, he didn’t want to be imprisoned by Bakugou Katsuki, not again but he wasn’t so completely on board. Almost subconsciously he found himself adding to his jogging routine and going by the restaurant every morning, came out of his daze after work and realized he has once again walked past the restaurant so two weeks passed and now Kirishima was their most loyal customer and Bakugou was the most frequent visitor in his dreams.  A few days after trying to deny it he gave in and decided that if nothing else he would be able to see him, watch him smile, listen to him sing. If nothing else he could at least know that the one he loved once was happy.

It was one such day, Kirishima was sitting at the back finishing off a pastry and waiting for Bakugou to take the stage when a girl a few years younger to him walked over. “He’s not coming in today by the way.” She said as she cleared the empty coffee mug. Kirishima looked up at her, his eyes stretched wide in shock and unsure whether she was talking to him but one look at her face and he knew. “Our food isn’t that good also, don’t worry i won’t tell.” she said and winked at the boy before walking away.

A string of curses were let loose in Kirishima’s mind as he went over the possibility of her knowing he was here to see Bakugou, the even worse possibility of Bakugou knowing he was here but just before his mind could explode the girl returned. “Mina, it’s nice to meet you. My cousin runs the restaurant.” she said and stuck a hand out to him. Kirishima stared at her for a minute before gingerly taking her hand and shaking it. “Kirishima.”

“Oh calm down, I won’t tell on you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he replied and moved to get out of the seat and the restaurant. He had no intentions of meeting Bakugou, no intentions of him ever even knowing that Kirishima was here but here he was, cornered by this stranger.

“I’ve seen you around you know, in the morning you run across the restaurant and stop to stretch for a while and then I see you come in everyday in your suits to get food. Honestly at first I thought you just really liked our food but then I really saw you. He was singing that song, the sad one that he sings when he gets really upset and you were looking at him with such sadness in your eyes. You looked like all you wanted was right in front of you and you couldn’t bare not having it. You reached out your hand as if you were reaching for him and my heart broke Kirishima san-”

Before Mina could finish Kirishima was out of his chair and moving out of the restaurant though, his heart was thundering in his chest as he rushed back to his home. That night the dreams found him again except it was nothing and everything all at once. For the entirety of his dream all he did was watch Bakugou sing, he watched him sing the same song, eyes locked onto him but the whole time feeling invisible. It was like Katsuki was looking through Kirishima, like he didn’t even realise he was there though he was sitting right in front of him. Kirishima woke up in tears and didn’t sleep much the rest of the night.

It had been three weeks since Kirishima ran out of the restaurant, he made the most conscious effort to go nowhere near the place. Went out of his way to take a different route home, turned down any invitation to visit the restaurant again until Kaminari brought up the one thing he really couldn’t refuse.

“Hey man, so rehearsal dinner is this Saturday. It’s gonna be at that restaurant we went to and don’t worry it’s a small crowd so you won’t get smothered by people. Please come, it would mean a lot if you did.” Kaminari said to him, his eyes begging, over their lunch break. The date for Kaminari and Jirou’s wedding was approaching fast and as Kaminari’s only real friend in the city of course Kirishima was invited. He swallowed hard at the thought of going back to the restaurant but it was for his friend. He couldn’t let his friend down so he steeled his nervousness and nodded, of course he would be there.

When the day finally arrived Kirishima took as long as he could deciding how to look, even considered dying his hair back to the bright red it used to be but eventually decided against it. He wasn’t going to attract attention to himself, if anything he was going to try and blend in so he picked out a suit that was attractive enough that Jirou wouldn’t scowl at him but basic enough to not draw attention, got ready and left his house.

By the time he arrived there where quite a few people, Kaminari saw him almost immediately and dragged him over to his fiancee and their friends. “Congrats Jirou, it’s going to be amazing when he can finally stop saying ‘my to be’.” Kirishima told her and laughed alongside her. Kaminari introduced him to his other friends from university and some from his childhood before he was let go, Kirishima took a seat next to a man named Sero, a friend from Kaminari’s university. They engaged in idle conversation, mainly about their respective jobs and trading stories about Kaminari. Kirishima didn’t really have much to share but listening to their adventures and learning just how loud and energetic Kaminari used to be was a treat of it’s own. He was glad that his friend hadn’t changed much, jus’t matured a little and retained that glow he had. Their conversation didn’t last long though as soon the food was served and Kaminari stood up demanding that it was time for toast, Kirishima bit back a laugh as he raised his glass and started on his “101 reasons why Kyouka is the best” list and later forced down the rise of envy when Jirou pulled him down and kissed him to shut him up.

“I’m gonna marry you so you can never leave me.”

“I wasn’t planning on leaving anyway.”

Where was his happy ending, why was he the one destined to suffer and chase after someone who probably had forgotten all about him. Why couldn’t he move on. He felt his eyes stinging as he watched his friend attack his fiancee with kisses, the loud hollering of the other twenty year olds around him thankfully drowned out the drumming of his own heart beat as he watched.

Kirishima was so engulfed in his own thoughts and trying his best to be happy for his friends that he didn’t even notice the smile that grew on a certain pink haired girl as she finally zeroed in on her prey. She slipped away from the serving staff and ran back to the little room where Katsuki was getting ready to go on stage, “He’s here.” she said, out of breath from running so fast.

Katsuki’s face broke out in a nervous smile as he gripped his guitar tight, Mina had told him about the man who came to the restaurant solely to watch him sing. She had also apologized for chasing him away but here he was again, it was Katsuki’s second chance at this and he wouldn’t screw it up. He didn’t even know what the man looked like, what his name was, Mina had refused any information and simply told him to watch for the eyes. Katsuki had no idea what any of what she said meant at any point in time and often had written her off as a nineteen year old who was too smitten with her girlfriend to notice much else but he couldn’t deny the little excitement that was building in his stomach.

He waited until his cue was called and walked out, wincing a little at the unusual bright light. The restaurant was usually dimly lit with just enough light for everyone to comfortably see each other and the food but not bright enough for a stellar selfie.

“It’s the vibe Bakubro, you need to understand these things.” Mina had told him when he asked her about the lighting situation and he had simply shook his head. He had been working at the restaurant for around three years now, he met Shoto Todoroki in university and when he took over his fathers restaurant Katsuki joined him. The two had formed a sort of unlikely friendship, Katsuki would work in the kitchen during the morning and perform at night. He enjoyed his work, it let him sing and cook and still get paid for it and he was always in the company of good people though he would never really tell Mina or Shoto how much he appreciated having them around.

He smiled at the crowd and noticed the to be weds right away, sitting together hands tangled with each other, attached as if even a second away from the other would result in catastrophe. Bakugou smiled, he remembered that kind of a love but that was a long time ago and if he thought about it too much he wouldn’t be able to perform tonight. There would be no sad songs for tonight no matter how tightly the wire wrapped around his heart was pulled.

“Hey everyone, I’m Bakugou Katsuki and I’ll be your entertainment for the night. Congratulations to the happy couple, Kaminari Denki and Jirou Kyouka I hope you have a life of peace and comfort with each other.” He said, pouring as much sincerity into his words as he could. He watched the couple kiss before clapping for the singer and felt that familiar tightness in his chest but pushed it away like he had been doing for years now. He gave the couple a minute to come back to the rest of them before settling down and starting his music.

Kirishima felt like he was going to cry, he knew where the words Katsuki spoke came from. He had at one time wanted to say the same to Katsuki dressed in a white suit of his own but life was cruel and fate was a tricky game to play. He listened to Katsuki sing as he ate his food, sneaking glances at the boy while the others talked. He looked beautiful adorned in a simple red shirt and black pants, there was nothing extravagant about his clothes but he looked like he had stepped fresh out of a fashion magazine with the way his hair fell in his eyes and his silver chains glittered against his lightly tanned skin. Kirishima would forget to breathe if he looked at Katsuki too long but then again he always had trouble breathing around the blonde.

“Okay Kyouka it’s time.” Kaminari called out and stood up. He looked down at his betrothed and stuck out a hand, Kirishima only had time to register the look of panic in Jirou’s eyes and the one of challenge in Kaminari’s before he had pulled her out of her seat and onto the dance floor. “You said you were better than me on the dance floor? Time I prove you wrong.”

Just like that the mood in the restaurant had shifted as Bakugou changed the song and the tempo and Kaminari was spinning Jirou around. Soon people where up and joining in on the fun while Kirishima remained at his table and watched them, he loved dancing but he had loved dancing with Bakugou. He had loved a great many things with Bakugou and he simply did not have the strength to do it without him when he was right there. This didn’t stop Mina though, when she saw the boy remain at his seat she huffed and stalked over to him.

“C’mon don’t be so stuffy.” She said and pulled him out of the chair before he had a chance to protest. Kirishima tried to weasel his way out of the dance but Mina had a strong grip and he didn’t want to make a scene and ruin everyone’s night so he went along with it. Kirishima fell into the rhythm soon enough as Mina took him around the dance floor, practically leading him. He only noticed the song had slowed down when she stepped away and he was left standing point blank in front of the one person he was trying to avoid.

“..i’m still into you.”

As the song finished and the rest of the audience erupted in cheers Kirishima remained frozen in spot, his eyes locked with Katsuki’s. He felt his eyes fill up with tears as realisation spread across Katsuki’s face and his eyes widened at the sight of his first love, his childhood romance, the one who promised he would never leave. It was like time had frozen for the two men as they stood in front of each other and Kirishima was afraid to move. He was afraid that if he made even a fraction of a movement it would all disappear and Kirishima would be back on the floor of his apartment crying into his hands but Katsuki had no such fear.

He moved, he got up and he moved but before he could even get off the stage Kirishima had started to run. He backed away from the crowd, who by now where all staring at the two men, and ran out of the restaurant, forgetting everything else. The only thought that occupied his mind was to get away, he had to get away, he had to leave or the dream would be shattered. The fantasy would be broken, so he ran.

Katsuki on the other hand was left standing in front of his own stage, bewildered guests and a giggling Mina watching him for his next move. He blinked once, twice, trying to understand whether what he had seen was real or not.

“Hey man you okay?” Came a voice from his side, Katsuki whipped around to see the groom himself wearing a worried expression on his face.

“I-yeah. Oh god I’m so sorry.” He started, unable to believe that he just ruined their weddings rehearsal dinner. He bowed deeply and apologised over and over, completely going against his nature but this was someone’s wedding he had wrecked an he felt the guilt eat him up from the inside.

“Chill, it’s okay. Do you know Kiri?” Kaminari asked, patting the singer on the side of his arm.

The name sent chills through Katsuki’s body, he opened his mouth to respond but it was dry. Too dry so he closed his lips, swallowed and tried again, “Y-yeah. Kirishima and I went to school together. We were, we were friends.” he said, the word sounded hoarse in his mouth. It sounded wrong and out of place. Kirishima was never just his friend, he was so much more but how was he supposed to encompass years of admiration and adoration into a single word.

“Hmm, listen why don’t we get a drink? Kyo I’ll be back in a bit okay?” Kaminari called out and his fiancee nodded at him, offering a reassuring smile.

Kaminari led the still disoriented blonde to the bar and sat down with him, mentally preparing for whatever he was going to hear. Kaminari acted aloof, he pretended he didn’t see the longing looks Kirishima had sent towards the singer the first time they came here, he pretended he didn’t see the way Kirishima’s heart cracked when Kaminari was with Jirou but what happened on the dance floor. The way the song had come to an almost abrupt end, the intensity that followed when the two men locked eyes and especially the way Kirishima raced out the door. It really wasn’t something he could ignore anymore so he ordered two glasses of whiskey and got ready to listen.

Kirishima was hunched over his toilet seat as he puked up whatever he had eaten, seeing Katsuki, having Katsuki see him was too much. He had collapsed into his own home and made a beeline to the washroom, throwing open the door and expelling anything and everything that was in his stomach. Once he was done he slumped onto the marble floor, exhausted and sweaty. Katsuki had seen him, he had seen him, he had recognised him.

Eventually Kirishima dragged himself off the floor and stripped himself bare. He sat on the floor of his bathtub for what felt like an hour until the hot water started pruning his skin. He walked out and wrapped a towel around his waist, before he could leave Kirishima caught a glance of himself in the mirror and flinched. He hadn’t realised how tired he had become or how deep his dark circles had gone, he didn’t realise how skinny he had let himself become despite running in the mornings. His mouth tasted horrible and he looked like a reanimated corpse with all the concealer from earlier washed off. Kirishima splashed water in his face again and sighed deep, his hands pressed against the counter. He took a deep breath. This couldn’t go on, he couldn’t continue being so pathetically lost, chasing after someone who had given him up. Chasing after a dream that was long dead and gone. He picked up his tooth brush and began brushing at his teeth ferociously as thought attacking the germs would somehow remove what was deeper inside. Hot fresh tears fell from his eyes as he brushed but he refused to stop. Kirishima brushed his teeth until the tears stopped falling.

The bell rang just as he was changing, he turned to his bedroom door, eyebrows perked wondering who it could possibly be. He had already texted Kaminari and informed him that he was okay, just felt a little sick and didn’t want to ruin the party for everyone else and he had responded almost immediately. Had the other man really come to check on him? It was much too early for him to leave his own wedding party and if Kaminari really had followed him back home he was going to be positively eaten alive by guilt.

Kirishima walked to the door, his shirt lay forgotten on the bed as he walked to the door to open it and he regretted it the minute he opened it. If Kirishima had been just a little faster he probably could have slammed the door, he could have slammed the door and hid in his room until the other person went away but he wasn’t fast enough.

Katsuki anticipated this so he slipped a foot in between the door the minute it was opened, he winced when the door slammed against his foot but refused to move it. He wouldn’t mess up a second time, he wouldn’t loose him again.

“Eiji please.”

Kirishima closed his eyes as his breathing got faster, he was hiding behind his door. He couldn’t see him, he wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t prepared in any manner for this confrontation but what was he to do. Bakugou was standing on the other side, refusing to let him go so what exactly was he supposed to do other than let him in. He couldn’t exactly leave the other boy stranded out in the cold and if knew Kirishima knew anything about Bakugou it was that he was stubborn. He would wait outside and make himself sick until Kirishima let him in so he steadied himself, forced his hands to stop shaking and opened the door.

Kirishima opened the door and turned around, he didn’t want to look at him, wanted to go on pretending for however long he could so he didn’t look, he didn’t even acknowledge him and went straight for the couch. He took a seat on one side, eyes still trained on the ground as if he would miss the secrets of the universe if he looked away.

“Eiji…” Katsuki started, his voice soft and reserved like he was scared of what he was saying. Like if he spoke too loud or said something wrong everything would evaporate, Kirishima would disappear and he would be alone again so he swallowed deep and steadied his own hands before speaking again. “Eiji…” he started but stopped short, “fuck I don’t know what to say.” he whispered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kirishima let out a small laugh, slapping his hands over his mouth when he realised but that seemed to be enough for some of the tension in the room to deflate. Katsuki took a seat on the other side of the couch, waiting for Kirishima to say something, waiting for him to at least look at him but nothing came so started again, “Eijirou I’m sorry.”

Kirishima nearly snapped his neck with the speed at which he turned to look at the other man, he didn’t know what exactly he was expecting. Maybe a confrontation, an angry Katsuki Bakugou demanding to know why he was being stalked, something but definitely not this. He didn’t expect an apology so when his eyes locked with the others he forgot to feel nervous.

“I know I’m about six years too late but I’m sorry for calling you the underdog, for dismissing your passions. I know I should never have let you walk away from that. Never should stopped fighting, I’m sorry I let you give up on us, walk away fro-” Katsuki couldn’t finish what he was saying though because within seconds Kirishima had tackled him to the ground.

“I GAVE UP? I WALKED AWAY?” He yelled as his grip tightened on the boys collar. Not even five minutes into seeing each other and they were back in twelfth grade, inches away from each other with Kirishima pinning Katsuki to the ground, anger and betrayal blazing in his eyes.

“I was not the one who threw everything away, I was not the one who refused to get help or listen, I was not the one who broke a lamp because someone else flirted, because someone else spread a rumour. I did not give up on us, you did. You gave up before we even had a chance to be saved.” He spat out, everything he’s been wanting to say piling to the top of his throat but the tears in his eyes had become too much.

He couldn’t see anymore, the water that had pooled in his eyes and was blocking his vision. He knew that if he opened his mouth again all that would come out would be sobs so he stayed quiet.

It was quiet for a while as the tears fell from his eyes and landed on Katsuki’s cheeks, they felt like acid burning through the years and years of denial he had built. He looked up at the other man, his eyes wide in shock as he finally, finally realised just what he had done all those years ago. Katsuki couldn’t find anything to say, he couldn’t find his voice so he did the only thing he knew how to, he pulled Kirishima in and wrapped his arms around the other man.

He tensed for a minute as Kirishima’s hands remained at his collar but within seconds his hands had slipped from Bakugou’s collar down to his chest. Kirishima tucked his head in the crook of Katsuki’s neck and let the tears come freely. He didn’t know why and he didn’t know what he was feeling all he knew was that Bakugou’s hands felt like home and he had been searching for far too long.

They stayed like that for longer than either one expected, Kirishima eventually falling asleep in Bakugou’s hold but he didn’t budge until he finally heard the little snores from the other man. Bakugou realised too late what had happened and a smile crept onto his face so he repositioned the other man so he could left him up and carried him to the bedroom. Bakugou placed him, gently on the bed and lingered for a minute. His hand ghosted the skin on Kirishima’s face, not daring to touch him, too scared that he would ruin it. He would ruin his peace again if he touched, if he even took a wrong breath everything would shatter and the sleeping man would be awake and afraid again. He stayed there and watched his chest rise and fall, watched the way his nostrils would flutter when he breathed and smiled to himself. A smiled that was so secret, tucked away only for the person who held his heart.

The snow began to fall as he watched his lover and soon enough the streets would be blanketed in white. Soon enough they would be stuck inside with the warmth of the house and the other, soon enough the universe would play it’s final card and maybe love really does find it’s way back. Katsuki slept on the couch that day, he couldn’t bare the thought of leaving, of travelling back to his own apartment, the empty bed and the cold tiles. He couldn’t leave when Kirishima was this close so he wrapped himself tighter in his coat and fell asleep on the couch.

Kirishima woke up to a cold room and a warm blanket tickling his nose, he blinked and looked around as memories flooded his brain but nothing seemed to match. He was alone in his bedroom, the door cracked just a little, he was dressed in his own clothes and there was no sign of a fiery blonde in his home. He sat up and rubbed his head wondering if he had somehow dreamt up everything that had occurred the night before. It couldn’t be, he couldn’t have dreamt up the pain that rose in his chest, he couldn’t have dreamt the feeling of Bakugou’s arms wrapped around him. He just couldn’t have fucking dreamt any of that, it had to be real.

And it was. A few steps into his living room proved that he didn’t make any of it up, that it was real because there, asleep on his couch was Bakugou Katsuki with his blonde hair flat against his forehead and winter coat wrapped tight around him. Kirishima sucked in a breath and stumbled back inside his room, not that it was real he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk, he could now, all the things he had wanted to say came to him at once, he could finally talk but fear gripped his heart like it always does. The iron clad fist that curled around his strength and courage anytime he thought of contacting Katsuki was back.

Kirishima clenched his fists and grunted, he pressed his forehead against the wall and slammed his fist against it, over and over until the roaring in his ears finally stopped and when he opened his eyes again Katsuki was standing there worry dripping from his eyes.

“Good morning.” Kirishima said, straightening himself to look the other man in the eye.

“I-uh good morning Eiji-” he started but was cut off but Kirishima’s hand in front of his face.

“Kirishima. You call me Kirishima.” he said and turned around to pick up a discarded t-shirt from the chair. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah… okay Kirishima, let’s eat.” he said, his nails pressed against his skin to quell the heartache at the other mans words.

Kirishima wordlessly walked out of the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, he could feel Bakugou walking behind him. He felt the energy that followed, he knew being told to call Kirishima Kirishima had struck him close to home but it was okay. Kirishima didn’t have the strength to hear his name play on Katsuki’s tongue so lovingly, he didn’t have a strong enough resolve to hear the way he called his name and not immediately jump into his arms.

Kirishima took out a pack of sliced bread and jam from his fridge, “what do you want?”

“Anything is fine.”

He nodded and went back to what he was doing, Kirishima would not let Bakugou bulldoze the conversation. He would not fall back into problematic patterns, he would be in control. He repeated these words in his mind over and over again while he toasted the bread and spread jam on the four slices. He made coffee for both the men, regretfully remembering the way Bakugou liked it.

Bakugou noticed and bit the inside of his mouth so as not to smile.

“What are you doing here?” Kirishima asked finally as he placed the food and drink on the kitchen counter. He leaned against it, standing opposite from Bakugou as he ate his toast and waited for a reply.

“I work here, at Shoto’s. Singing and cooking, it’s a pretty decent gig, we met in University…” he trailed off as he watched Kirishima’s expression tighten, “Not what you wanted to hear got it. Uh shit I don’t know Ei- Kirishima, I saw you at the restaurant and my first instinct was to chase you. Fuck I half thought you where a fever dream I cooked up until your friend explained that you were in fact real and well I don’t know how could I not follow.”

Kirishima watched Bakugou as he spoke, noticed the way his body tensed up and his face became unbearably sad. If Kirishima wasn’t yelling at himself to keep it together he probably would have caved and taken Bakugou in his arms again but he stood still and he listened.

“I haven’t seen you in so long Kirishima, you dipped like two days after graduation. Hell I didn’t even know you had gone until lzuku told me.”

“Izuku?” Kirishima interrupted him surprised that Bakugou had actually used Midoriya’s first name instead of the cruel nickname he had for the boy throughout their lives. He watched Bakugou’s face flush and his hand shot up to rake through his hair before he replied.

“Ah yeah, Izu and I patched things up. He helped me a lot after we um, after we ended. Our families get together a few times a year. He’s getting married next year.” Bakugou finished, embarrassment clear on his face.

“How unexpected, I suppose you have grown up Bakugou.” Kirishima said as he finished off his bread. “Why did you follow me?”

“Fuck Kiri I had to, I couldn’t let you go again. I know I fucked up back then, I know I did everything wrong and pushed you away. I know I didn’t deserve you then but I’ve worked on it every day since. I went to therapy Kiri, I found someone who specializes in adolescent anger issues and got help. I patched things up with Izuku, I made friends, real ones in University, one of them is even my boss now. I changed Kirishima I really have and I did every single thing with the hopes that I’d find you again someday. I’ll admit in the last year that hope had faded but it was still worth it, I changed because of you.” He said and took a deep shaky breath, Kirishima could see how difficult this was. Apologising, laying his emotions out in the open had always been difficult for Baugou but he was doing it. Kirishima could see the change clear as day.

“Because I never wanted to hurt you, you’re the last person in the world I wanted to hurt but all I did was hurt you and put you through so much pain while you stayed. God fucking dammit you always stayed with me. You stayed right next to me through everything and I’m so fucking sorry.” He said and moved around the counter to stand next to Kirishima. He took the boys surprisingly cold hands in his own and spoke again, voice quiet as a whisper, “I’m sorry Eijirou, please let me prove to you I deserve you now.”

Kirishima felt his defences fall as warning bells rang in his head, looking at Bakugou so close, begging to give him another chance all Kirishima wanted to do was claim him. To pull the blonde in and kiss him and ask him a thousand times over to stay this time but something held him back. The memories of all the struggle, of all the fights and difference in opinions remained like a sour taste in his mouth.

He removed his hands from Bakugou’s hold and took the dishes to the sink.

“I can’t do this again Bakugou, you hurt me. I gave you everything, my trust, my heart, I let you into all my insecurities and laid it all bare for you and then you had the nerve to throw it back in my face. You broke things, you yelled and caused a scene when anyone would even do so much as look at me. I can’t do that again Bakugou, I’m an adult man, I have a job, I have a life.” Kirishima said and stopped, he hadn’t dared to look at Bakugou yet afraid of what he would see but if he didn’t now he would never be able to so he turned around before speaking again, “I have too much self respect to be pushed around by you again.”

Kirishima locked eyes with the other man and watched as his face fell, watched as realisation washed over him and he stepped back. He stood still for a minute, eyes downcast and when he finally looked up they where filled to the brim with unshed tears.

“I’m so sorry Kirishima. I’m so fucking sorry. God I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry..” he continued like that, mumbling, repeating his apologies as the tears spilled and his hands clutched at his shirt. Bakugou had realised many things, he had fixed and grown past many things but he had never even in his worst of nightmares imagined that he had hurt Kirishima so much and the knowledge was too much.

Kirishima wanted to console the other man, he wanted to tell him that he accepted the apology and it would be okay and they could start over. It was killing him to not do anything but he didn’t move for the millionth time that day. He watched for a little while longer until his heart got the better of him and he walked forward. Kirishima took Bakugou’s hands in his own, holding them so softly as if too strong a grip would break the blonde in two.

“Thank you. It’s okay. I’m not the same person I was back then and I don’t think you are either. It’s okay.” He said and ducked his head a little to look the other man in the eyes. “You’re okay.”

A few hours later and the two where seated on the couch, on opposite ends from each other as they filled each other in on their lives after high school. Katsuki had gone on to study cooking much to his parents dismay but he enjoyed it. It helped him keep calm and his therapist thought it was ideal for his explosive tendencies. He met Shoto at university and they had made plans to work together after University was over, Katsuki had never wanted to own a restaurant, he didn’t want to deal with all the politics and business that came with it so he took on the official title as chef. He had a few boyfriends after Kirishima but none had felt right, none had been able to see Bakugou the way Kirishima could. Kirishima would be lying if he said he stomach didn’t flutter hearing those words.

“Will you come to the restaurant tomorrow?” Bakugou asked as he stepped out of the apartment, ready to leave.

Kirishima pursed his lips and held the mans gaze as he thought it over and nodded, “I’ll be there.”

“Sit up front this time.” Bakugou said and smiled at him before leaving.

#bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #kiribaku #kiribaku angst #kiribaku makeup #krbk #bakugou x kirishima #bakugou katsuki angst #kirishima eijirou angst #mha fanfiction #mha #bnha #bnha no quirks #no quirks au #denki x jirou #denki kaminari #jirou kyouka

[timmyteehill]

First Night || Tee & Kami

DISCORD THREAD FEATURING: Tee and @kamidesai

MENTIONS: none (I think)

WHEN: August 23rd

DESCRIPTION: Kami and Tee move into their new apartment.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: smut!

Kami

Kam tripped over a box on his way to the kitchen, because of course that was the first place he wanted to unpack as soon as all their shit was inside. He still couldn’t believe they’d done this - they were living together again, and in the most amazing apartment. Of course he’d envisioned this for them years ago, but there had been so long that Kam never thought he’d even talk to Tee again, let alone be in the same living space. It made him smile to himself, even over a stubbed toe as he began opening up boxes, and getting all of their kitchen supplies put away, and in order.

Tee

Tee was looking over all the boxes and trying not to get too overwhelmed. It was going to take them forever to get everything unpacked but even that wasn’t enough to ruin his good mood. They were living together again. Sometimes Tee still found it hard to believe, especially since there was a point in their lives were he wasn’t even answering Kami’s texts. And yet here they were. He walked further into their apartment and wasn’t surprised at all to find his boyfriend unpacking the kitchen boxes. He watched him go around putting everything in place, already knowing that he wasn’t even going to be using half of the stuff. “Someone’s looking a little busy”, he said, finally walking in and making himself known. “I have no idea what you’re holding right now but it looks dangerous.”

Kami

Kam snorted when Tee made a comment about what he was holding, deciding to point the item at the other male with a small smirk. “It’s an immersion blender.” He informed his boyfriend, and then gently tucked it away in a drawer he deemed appropriate for small appliances. “It’s what I use for soups, and mashed potatoes. Ya just stick it down in the pot, and it blends away.” He shook his head with a smile, clearly reveling in how amazing such an invention was. “I wanted to get the kitchen unpacked first so I can cook for us tonight.”

Tee

Tee nodded, pretending to know exactly what it was. “An immersion blender, sure. I knew that.” He was pretty sure he’d never seen one in his life and it’s definitely not something he ever had at his previous apartment. “Sounds...useful.” Considering he’d never made soup or mashed potatoes in his life, it wasn’t a surprise that he had no idea what it was. Getting the chance to eat a home cooked meal so often was going to be weird but Tee definitely wasn’t complaining. “Yeah I’ve been looking forward to that personalized chicken curry you promised me all day”, he said, leaning against one of the counters. “Although we should probably unpack the bedroom as well, or at least the bedsheets. We need somewhere to sleep tonight.”

Kami

Kam smirked when Tee said he was looking forward to dinner, which made Kami so damn happy. He loved feeding people, and seeing them react to his food. This was his passion. Kam loved tattooing, it was definitely one of his favorite things he’d ever done, and he was amazing at it. There was passion there as well, big time, but he’d never shake that cooking was what he was meant to do. “Yeah, we’ll do that next. OR you can do that while I do the kitchen.” Kam suggested with a little wiggle of his brows. “Or would you miss me too much?” He teased.

Tee

Tee knew how much Kami liked to cook and that it was something he'd always wanted to do. Maybe it could have even been something he was doing if it wasn't for his parents. The last time he tried to bring it up didn't go so well and the last thing he wanted was to ruin the happy vibe from moving in together. So, for now, he'll just enjoy having a boyfriend who cooked for him and maybe, eventually, he could bring it up again with better results. "You know I can't bear to spend a second away from you honey", he said, heavy on the sarcasm. Although it wasn't a complete lie. It was still so surreal to him that they were both here in their apartment that he didn't feel like going off to do his own thing just yet. "Need some help with the kitchen?"

Kami

Kam laughed when Tee joked about not being able to bear even a second away from him. He knew that was bullshit, but it made him laugh anyway. “We could work faster if we split up. Besides, this won’t take me too long. Just tackle some of the bedroom, and I’ll get started on dinner as soon as I can. I need to start cooking, getting those flavors workin’!” He did a little happy dance. If you could call it that. Not sure what else it could be called, he just looked ridiculous, but adorably excited.

Tee

Tee knew he couldn’t argue with that so he gave him a quick kiss and left him to get the kitchen sorted while he worked on the bedroom. He was under no impressions that he’d have the whole bedroom ini she’d by the time dinner was ready but at least he could get the sheets sorted so they would have a bed to spend their first night on. It took him a while to find the correct box but, when he did, he made quick work of putting the sheets on the bed. He couldn’t hold back a laugh at seeing the drawings of eyelashes on the pillowcases. He added the fairy lights on the headboard and bottom of the bed, lamps on the bedside tables and figured that would be enough for now. “Come look at this”, he called out, hoping Kami would hear him over the sound of the cooker hood. “Pretty nice right?”

Kami

Kam had been in the zone before Tee called for him. He was getting everything sorted, and organized, which he somehow did in record breaking time. He might’ve missed a box or two for now, but he had everything he needed for dinner, so he needed to get started. Curry took some time when it came to building flavors, and he didn’t want to skimp. He wiped his hands on a towel before heading back to the bedroom, smiling wide when he noticed how Tee had everything situated. “I love it.” He laughed, and then walked over to grab one of the eyelash pillows. “These are ridiculous.”

Tee

"There's still a lot to be sorted but I figured this should be enough to get us through the first night." They still needed to unpack the clothing boxes and figure out how to divide the closet and cupboards between them but they could do that another day. As long as they had somewhere to sleep during the night, Tee felt quite accomplished. He laughed and nodded in agreement when he saw Kami pick up the pillows. He wasn't wrong, those eyelashes looked hilarious. "They are but I think they fit us quite well, don't you?"

Kami

Kam tilted his head to look at the pillows from another angle, like that was going to tell him whether or not those pillows were just like them. “Sure. I’m gonna enjoy laying with you on them more though.” He smirked, and then grabbed Tee’s hand to pull him down on the bed with him, wrapping his limbs around the other male like a damn octopus. “God, this is so much better than my shitty apartment.”

Tee

Tee gasped as he was pulled down on the bed and hit Kam's arm playfully. "You're an idiot", he said, although anyone from miles away could probably hear how fond he actually was. "It is...no offence." Kami's apartment had a certain charm to it but they both knew most of their time used to be spent at his apartment, especially once the bath stopped working properly. Even if they hadn't decorated and chosen everything in this apartment themselves, the size of it would have more than made up for it. He turned his head to the side and caught Kam's lips with his own.

Kami

Kam smirked to himself when his boyfriend said he was an idiot, cause of course he would respond that way to being called an idiot. He would be offended by both that, and the agreement about his apartment, but he knew it was the truth. None of that mattered though when Tee’s lips were on his own, and their lips began to so easily slide together. His hand lifted up to cup the back of his boyfriend’s neck, keeping him in place while he licked into his mouth.

Tee

It was all so surreal spending time together like this, in their bed. They had a home together, fish children included and Tee never in a million years could have thought that he could be so happy. He kissed him back, moving a hand down his boyfriend's back before pulling back. "You're not cooking anything right now, are you? I don't feel like burning down our brand new kitchen on our first night here."

Kami

Kam watched his boyfriend pull back with a disgruntled face, thinking he better have a good excuse for stopping his kissies. He smiled when he asked about the food, being all adorable in checking if he was done or not. “Everything’s in the slow cooker. No worries.” He advised his boyfriend to settle his mind, and then grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull his lips back down for more kissing, both of his hands now raking through Tee’s hair.

Tee

Fear of burning the place down taken care of, Tee relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy the moment. He kissed Kami back and groaned at the feeling of hands going through his hair. “Does that mean we have enough time to christen the bed?”

Kami

Kami broke out into a smile when his boyfriend asked if that meant they had enough time to christen the bed. “That’s exactly what it means.” Kam rolled over to push Tee on his back, mounting him way too easily as he licked into his mouth, tasting him, and groaning against his lips. He grabbed the other’s hands, and then pinned them above his head while he pressed his erection against Tee’s clothed crotch.

Tee

It didn’t take much to get him on his back and he groaned at the feeling of his boyfriend on top of him, erection pressed against his own. He bit his lip when Kam grabbed his hands and pinned them above his head because it always got to him and the other clearly knew that. There was just something, almost like a certain loss of power that never failed to get to his head. Lifting his hips was hard with Kami sitting on top of him but he tried his best to thrust his bulge against the other’s.

Kami

Kam smirked as he leaned down to attach his lips to the other male’s neck, sucking softly - for now, as he ground his hips downward with a hum. They were both SO in the mood, and how couldn’t they be? Life seemed to be looking up for them right now - new amazing apartment that they could share together, dinner slow cooking in their amazing kitchen. They were happy. That was scary. “I want you.” Kam murmured against his boyfriend’s skin before nipping it, and thrusting forward.

Tee

Tee leaned his head to the side to give him more access, biting down on his lip to hold back another moan. There was still so much to do and unpack before they could truly say this place was theirs but they were getting there and that was enough for him. Now all he wanted to do was to have a good time with his boyfriend in their bed. Tee was never going to get tired of that. “Kam”, he gasped, trying to thrust back. “You can have me. I want you to.”

Kami

Kam liked getting Tee worked up to the point he was slightly begging, and begging submissive. He was so alpha type outside of the bedroom, getting to see this side of him was really something special. “Yeah?” He asked while pulling back so that he could scramble to get his shirt off. “You want me to fuck you, Tee?” Kam looked down at his boyfriend with dark eyes, hands already itching to go digging for the lube. Fuck, he hoped Tee already got it out, or it was at least easy to find.

Tee

Few people got to see Tee like this. He enjoyed handing the reigns over to his partner in bed but he only did it when he really trusted the other person and felt comfortable with them. Kami was one of the few who got him like this and Tee always felt safe in the knowledge that his boyfriend wouldn’t use it against him. As soon as Kam let go of his arms to take his shirt off, he took the opportunity to move his hands up the other’s back, getting a good feel. “Yeah, I want you to fuck me...come on Kam”, he moaned, pulling him in for an intense kiss. It’s a good thing Tee had an inkling to what they’d end up doing and thought of keeping a bottle of live close by. “Bedside table, I put everything there.” Including their box of stuff. No one was going to be looking in their apartment from them anyways.

Kami

Kami looked like he’d just won a prize when Tee let him know where the lube was, which he promptly moved to grab, and throw on the bed beside them for when he’d need it. “Okay, gotta get rid of these.” He worked quickly to shuck off his boyfriend’s clothes, tossing them in the floor with his own like he could care less where they landed. All he wanted to focus on now was getting the lube snicked open so he could slowly begin opening up his lover. “Okay, relax.” He let out a soft breath, and began to slip a finger inside Tee’s tight heat.

Tee

Tee watched as his boyfriend got what whey needed, looking on in badly concealed eagerness as he finally found the bottle of lube. It didn’t take long at all to get him naked, barely even giving a thought to where Kam was throwing his clothes in his rush. As soon as he saw him get the lube open, Tee spread his legs wider, watching with satisfaction as Kami fit in perfectly. He was about to say something about it when he felt the first push of a finger and he threw his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes. “Ah fuck, just like that.” It didn’t take long for him to get used to the intrusion and pretty soon he was whining and urging his boyfriend to give him more.

Kami

Kam really enjoyed seeing his boyfriend like this, all needy, and wanting for more. He was beautiful, and sexy, and everything that could possibly mean the world. When Tee started whining out for more, a smirk appeared on the tattoo artist’s face, deciding to slowly slip in another finger while he leaned in to kiss along the inside of his boyfriend’s thigh, and opened him up slowly.

Tee

Tee was glad that his boyfriend didn’t make him wait too long until he was slipping in another finger. He considered himself pretty lucky that they got to do this pretty often and yet, it never got old. This being their first time in their new home only made it more special. He ran his fingers through Kami’s hair, pulling it every time his fingers hit the right spot.

Kami

God, there really wasn’t much else Kam loved more than when Tee would pull his hair. It was just really really good. He added another finger, hooking the digits to chase his boyfriend’s prostate, rubbing, and massaging the sensitive area while he grazed his teeth over the skin of his lover’s throat. Kam was throbbing, so he wasn’t gonna he able to hold out much longer, but he had a feeling Tee might feel the same.

Tee

Tee knew the other enough to know how much he loved it when he tugged at his hair and always made sure to do it in order to really drive Kam crazy. It’s one of the reasons why he was so against his boyfriend cutting his hair short. It was getting harder and harder not to move when his prostate was getting hit just right and his constant stream of moans were more than enough to let his boyfriend know he was appreciating everything. But if he kept going like this, Tee wasn’t going to last much longer. “Are you going to fuck me or not?” Well, he’s been pretty well behaved so far so he was bound to get bitchy at some point. It wouldn’t be him if he didn’t.

Kami

Kam knew he’d pushed his boyfriend to his limit, expecting the bossy comment when it came out of his mouth. Kami simply smiled, and then smashed his lips to the other’s as he retracted his fingers. After lubing, and lining up, he finally moved his hips forward, thrusting himself balls deep inside his boyfriend without another wasted second.

Tee

Tee knew what was coming when Kam smashed their mouths together in a kiss and he grabbed onto his boyfriend’s back to ground himself. Tee threw his head back with a loud moan when he finally got what he wanted, pleasure making him drag his blunt nails down his boyfriend’s back. That was definitely going to leave a mark but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. “Fuck, Kam!”

Kami

Kam made a growling sound in the back of his throat when Tee dug his nails into his skin, something that was painful, but also satisfying. That made no sense, but it was kind of like the thrill of getting a tattoo, and lord knows he enjoyed that. “Yeah baby.” He groaned against his boyfriend’s lips, and then took Tee’s bottom lip between his teeth, barring down as he began to snap his hips harder, and faster into the other male.

Tee

Tee clamped his eyes shut, the sensation of Kami thrusting into him overwhelming. He feels so full like there isn't an inch inside of him that isn't currently being taken up by his boyfriend. He loves this feeling though, always has. It's intense and yet not enough all at the same time.  Tee moved his hands down Kami's back and to his hips, pulling the other towards him while pushing up to get him to move faster. Slowly, Tee opened his eyes and got to see first hand the way Kam was looking at him with such affection. God, he loves this man.

Kami

those eyes. Kami had really fallen for Tee the second he saw his eyes. There was something about him, and the way that he looked at Kam that made him feel like melted butter. They were meant to be together, and he really couldn’t think of anything else he’d been mort sure of. “I love you.” He breathed out, keeping up his movements as he dropped down to place open mouthed kisses on the other’s chest.

Tee

It seemed like no matter how intense they were being, they still managed to keep it sweet on some level. Tee stroked his thumb against Kami’s cheek, giving him a kiss before the other moved down to kiss over his chest. “I love you too, so much.” It was rare moments like these that Tee allowed himself to be vulnerable and he appreciated that his boyfriend made him feel comfortable enough to do so. Throughout their little exchange, Kami never slowed down and Tee was loving the feeling of him being torn apart. “Kam”, he moaned. “I’m not going to last.”

Kami

Kam pulled back when he heard his boyfriend say his name, followed by a warning that he wasn’t gonna last which haha - that was an ego boost. He loved that he could fuck his boy into barely being able to contain himself. Kam would never say that outloud though, Tee would get sassy. “Me too, baby.” He breathed out, his eyes landing on his favorite pair below him, his hips snapping forward, and hitting Tee’s prostate with renewed vigor.

Tee

With the way Kami was hitting his prostate with every thrust, he knew it wasn’t going to take long for him to reach his high. He was just so close. So he moved his hand to wrap it around his own cock and gave a few strokes, moaning with every move. Tee wanted it to be pleasurable for his boyfriend as well though so he tried to tighten up as much as possible.

Kami

Kam knocked his boyfriend’s hand away from his cock as soon as he touched it, wanting to be able to give him an orgasm all on his own. Tee was stubborn, but in bed, Kam could be even more hard headed. Get it? “Cum for me, Tee.” He moaned, balancing with one hand beside his lover as he worked both his fingers, and his hips to make sure his boyfriend was feeling as much pleasure as he could physically provide.

Tee

Tee whined when his hands was pushed away but he quickly shut up when Kami just replaced it with his own. Now that’s what he was talking about. He barely even needed a single command from his boyfriend before he was throwing his head back with a loud moan, grabbing onto Kami’s back so hard that he was sure to leave bruises. “Kam!” he screamed in pleasure.

Kami

Tee unraveling like that did Kami in every. Damn. Time. The second he was grabbing onto his back like that, Kam was jackhammering into the other male at an impressive speed, the sound of their skin slapping flooding the room along with the string of insanely dirty moans that left when Kam instantly filled Tee up. His hot cum was overflowing onto their newly laid sheets, oops, and he couldn’t even be bothered to care, because FUCK if that wasn’t an amazing way to break in their new place. “Ho. Lee. Shit.” He expressed as soon as he was on his back next to his boyfriend, chest rising and falling with labored breaths.

Tee

They were definitely going to have to change their sheets after this weren’t they? Well at least they had a good first run...sort of. Tee wrapped his legs around his boyfriend’s waist, holding on for the ride while the other was thrusting into him rapidly to get himself off. “Fuck me”, he gasped out as soon as Kami rolled over next to him. What a way to get settled into their new bedroom. He took a moment to get his breathing back under control, feeling like he ran a marathon or something. Ha, like that was ever going to happen. “That was...wow.”

Kami

Kam managed to lull his head to the side to smirk lazily at his boyfriend, giggling like a fucking idiot because yeah, that WAS wow. “I love you.” He muttered, looking over the boy next to him, and feeling like his heart might actually swell out of his chest. Tee was everything....just...everything he never thought he’d be able to have. He only wished his family could accept him, and know the love of his life, experience with them. It was truly their loss.

Tee

Not everyone could understand their relationship because they were so different and yet...Tee didn’t know anyone who loved him like Kami did, with all his flaws. And even though their first time together ended in disaster it was clear they were both trying so hard to make it work this time. They wouldn’t have even attempted living together again if they weren’t. So Tee laid his arm on Kami’s chest and cuddled closer even though they were both a sweaty mess. “Love you too”, he mumbled before kissing him on the cheek. “After that I’m craving the curry even more.”

Kami

Kam chuckled when Tee said he was craving the curry even more, smirking at him as he reached to take hold of his bicep with a squeeze. There really was nothing better anyone could say to him than that they were looking forward to his cooking. “And by curry, do you mean the food?” He joked, laughing at himself soon after, because he was quite frankly, an idiot. “Ready to eat then? I’ll throw the sheets in the washer.”

Tee

“You’re an idiot”, he rolled his eyes. But he was his idiot and just the thought of that brought a smile to Tee’s face. He felt like he could barely move but the promise of food was enough to get him to sit up in bed with a groan. “Yeah, I could eat. I can take care of the sheets while you get the rest done if you want.” If he tried touching any of the food he was scared of what would happen. He leaned in for one last quick kiss then went to the bathroom to clean himself up. “Meet you in the kitchen!”

#discord #thread #first night #c: kami

[whyamistillwatchingtheseshows]

Can you write a scene about pete's insecurity coming from his little sis being dead(like leaving him)? and in kam he mentioned that all the persons he loved leaves him And kao didnt know about his sis but when he does he gathers the courage to let their relationship out and comforting pete too? something like this? sorry its a mess..

“Why does it matter so much?” Kao asked. Pete went from soft to fuming in seconds. Like pedal to metal, zero to sixty. Any form of smile was lost on his face, being replaced by a seething anger. Pete took a deep breath. 

“Why doesn’t it matter to you? My father knows. Why can’t we tell your mother? Wouldn’t that make things easier? It’d especially make things easier with Non. He’d back off if you’d just tell him that we’re together. He keeps pursuing because he thinks that we’re just friends.” Yeah, that last bit out of your mouth, Pete, it’s not true. The little shit knows what’s going on, and he’s going to pressure Kao into leaving you. 

“I don't think Non really likes me that way.” 

“Are you that fucking deluded, Kao?” Pete’s voice was raising. “Are you that fucking innocent? I don't think so. So get your head out of your ass and face this!” Kao looked affronted. Pete reached for a hand and squeezed it. “Kao, I couldn’t stand it if you left me. My sister…” Kao heard sparse mentions of his sister. How she left with his mother, leaving Pete behind with his father. Pete grew accustomed to living with his Dad so he didn’t think much about wanting to see his mother or his sister. This was probably due to the resentment he had towards mostly his mother- the resentment he felt from feeling abandoned by her. “My sister…” Pete gulps. “She didn’t just leave. She died. Then my mom left because her and Dad were having issues between each other from coping with losing a child. I haven’t seen my mother in ten years?” Pete wasn’t even sure himself. “My father stepped up, took care of me because he remembered that there was still another child in the family. This grief doesn’t excuse my stupid jealous reactions,” Pete started an apology, “but I can’t be without you. I’ve already lost too much. Making you and your Mom a part of my family is everything I want. This is why I don't like Non. What if he convinces you away from me? What if suddenly you do wake up one day and choose the brat?” 

Kao put Pete’s hands on his waist and he gripped those defined shoulders in his. “Thank you for telling me this. Thank you for talking. Perhaps, Non is flirting with me. I’m just afraid he’ll use our relationship to blackmail us or people we know just like Mint when she sent that picture of us to your father. Even your Dad thinks that we should keep this a secret.” 

“I never fucking cared when he said that. I was ecstatic when he agreed to us dating. He had no objections and I loved him for that. He can fly to the moon if he really thinks we’ll keep this a secret forever, because no matter what happens I want to be with you, Kao.” Pete yanked him closer, their noses now touching. Kao’s fingertips dig into his bare shoulders. 

“Tomorrow morning we can tell my mother.” Kao firmly states then lets out a sigh. 

“You mean it?” Pete tried to hold back the levee. It didn’t work. His eyes watered and soon enough he felt like a fucking clown with a tear stained face. Kao wiped the tears away. He pulled Pete into a hug by the nape of his neck. Pete’s lips smashed into a bare shoulder and Kao felt a few tears wet him. Pete sniffled and wiped at his nose. Kao grabs him by the face. 

“My choice is always you.” Kao told him. “So tomorrow morning, we’ll go tell my mother.” 

“Why not now?” Pete tugged a hand towards the door. Kao tugs back. 

“I have other things on my mind,” Kao bit his lip. 

“Oh? I see.” Pete pushed Kao onto the bed. It always started like this. Pete pouncing and then suddenly Kao was on top. When Pete rolled them, Kao laced fingers together, pressing Pete’s hands into the bed. He leaned down, but Pete squirms a hand from his grasp to place a finger to his lips. 

“You mean it? Tomorrow morning, you’ll tell your mom we are boyfriends?” His finger falls from Kao’s lip, ever so slightly flicking over that plush (yeah, that’s a good word) bottom lip. 

“Yes, Pete. I’ll tell her. Just let me kiss all night first. The morning will be here before we know it.” Pete chuckled as those plump lips- (yeah, plump is a good word too) chased his into a kiss.

[Aw, screw it. Let’s write the morning after too] 

“Mom,” Kao said as he led her to the couch in the living room. “Pete and I have something to tell you.” 

“Finally!” She exclaimed. “I was getting really tired of prodding you with the word girlfriend. How many times would I have to ask before you told me to shut up, Mom, I have a boyfriend? Apparently, a lot. Finally.” she cupped Kao’s face. “You don't think I notice how the two of you are when we eat at the table. Or how Pete spends a lot of time here? Not going to tell you about the noises I heard walking passed the bedroom last night..we’ll leave that alone.” Pete tries to contain laughter, but fails. Kao’s mother turns her attention to him. “You!” Pete stops laughing. 

“Yes, mom?” 

“You’re lucky you know that?” 

“Oh, I know how lucky I am. Your son is beautiful inside and out.” Kao felt his face turn red and his ears light on fire.  

“Glad you understand that. Be aware that I have my eye on you Pete, but I can see how much the two of you care about each other. It’s all that should matter. Those feelings for each other, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.” Pete gave Kao a pointed look. Kao figured his mind went straight to Non and how that’s the next hurdle they’d have to jump. 

“I’m going to work. ” Kao’s mom announced. Kao kissed her on the cheek and led her to the door. Pete confidently latched his arms around Kao from behind as they waved goodbye. Kao shuts the door, turns around and leans against it. Pete eyes him up and down. 

“Oh, take back that thought! We have to leave soon too.” 

“What’s time but a fabricated concept?” Pete’s intelligent response made Kao cackle. 

“This is why you’re a terrible student.” 

“Punish me,” Pete challenged him. Kao cocked his head. What a new arrangement? Pete giving him control? Kao could get used to this. He was talking to long, though, so Pete feverishly kisses him. Why’d it feel so brand new? So freeing. There was no going back. There was no one else that Kao wanted to kiss like this. Kao finally understood why Pete disliked hiding the relationship so much. This-this was much better, because once they tore themselves a part they got ready for classes. Hand in hand they met their friends at the Engineer’s canteen. 

June as usual was the first to speak, “I knew it!” He pointed at them. “It’s about damn time.” Pete proudly smiled and kissed Kao’s hand. Kao pursed his lips, not sure how he felt about the rush of pleasure that surged through him. Shit, it’d be hard to contain that from now on. How is that he wanted Pete now more than ever before? Kao sat down as Pete went to get them some food. Kao laid a head to his shoulder as he watched Pete prep the plates.

“Really?” June piped up. “It’s like that meme,” June prepares a dramatic scene. “Right here? In front of my salad!” Pete picked up an empty bottle on the table and threw it at him. “Oi! I mean it in a joking way. Carry on.” Kao’s head hadn’t moved from Pete’s shoulder and under the table a hand started moving up and down his thigh. 

“Babe.” Pete mutters with surprise. Kao leans up and whispers in his ear, “This morning wasn’t enough.” 

“What’d he say?” June mimicked eating popcorn with fascination. He ducked when another bottle was thrown. “Really what’d he say?” 

“None of your business,” Pete snapped. “There’s one more bottle. Do I have to throw it?”

“No,” Sandee interjected. “That one is not empty.” She took it from the table. “All right so Pete and Kao are dating. Big whoop! The most important thing here is, do we each have our part of the project done?” 

“Meh, studying.” Pete’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. A hand still rubbed his thigh. “Well, this’ll look obvious.” He stood and grabbed Kao by the hand. 

“Where you two going?” June asked after them. Sandee smacked him upside the head. 

“June, think about it.” 

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “Do you think they’ll have the project done too?” 

“Ha!” Sandee’s laugh echoes in the canteen. 

#petekao #dark blue kiss #really they just need to be together freely #and Pete needs learn how to trust #despite people leaving him #whichever happened #because did I watch all of KMA #honestly don't know....?? #but we'll pretend this is a reason why Pete's so jealous #abandonment issues #trauma he has only partly overcome #but it still can't excuse his actions #so here in the fic I had Pete apologize #which is something I want to see in the show too #fic requests #this one got long...

[second-string-loser]

Kam watches every SKAM season:

Norway: Eva Season

1. the og opening speech is forever iconic, love to hear it

2. isak is the babiest of all babies in s1. i never noticed how in the cabin episode he constantly looks just so jealous and annoyed by elias, it’s adorable he was such a baby gay and i relate too hard

3. have i ever mentioned just how much i literally adore eva to the ends of the earth because i do, i love her so much. she’s so pretty and sweet and i just love her

4. as well a jonas, this isn’t the season that makes him a god tier character imo but he’s still quite enjoyable to watch. he’s my favorite character to see through the eyes of all the mains cus they all see him so differently and it’s really cool.

5. this season to me is so amazing because it starts off a groundbreaking show in such a familiar territory for its target audience. you’re a teenager, and your relationship went to shit. what do you do now? how do you become your own person after losing your other half?

6. and they answer those questions so amazingly!!!!! you move on, you find a support system, you keep your ex in your life if that’s what makes you happy!!! i love evas season and everything about it, it kicked off an era that i fear may be coming to an end all too soon. i’m forever thankful for this season because without it we wouldn’t have gotten the entire universe that has changed so many of our lives!!

7. notice how eva and nooras seats in their spanish class parallel cris and joana’s? i’m not saying nooreva rights but... i’m saying nooreva rights

8. soundtrack!soundtrack!soundtrack! i stand my ground that the OG has the best soundtrack. it’s cool to come back to s1 now that i have a lot more evolved music taste because in the OG the soundtrack music is usually what the character is listening to themselves and Eva listens to a lot of the same music as me

9. my favorite moment of the whole season is when isak tells eva that “he has feelings for her” because you can see the fear in his eyes when he thinks she figured out his real reasoning, then you can see the split second where he decides to take the out she gave him and act like it’s her she likes instead

10. i don’t really have any criticism of this season. it’s dramatic, funny, heartwarming, and just a very well rounded piece of televison.

Overall: Phenomenal!! Watching this season it’s so easy to understand how SKAM became such the phenomenon that it did. It’s just so entertaining. Especially since it forces you to really think about your teenage years and work through the challenges that you’re facing along with Eva and Jonas. Rating: 8/10

#kam watches every SKAM #skam

[writerlyhabits]

Shine and Polish

Pairing: Din Djarin x reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Request: "Din catches you cleaning/polishing his armor for him (something usually only done between courting Mandos) and gets all shy explaining the implications to you send tweet"

Warnings: mild language, mature themes, Din in sweatpants, I think that's it?? Idk it's a short one

AN: I want to formally apologize to all of you who sent Din requests to my inbox that have been sitting there for a while, I promise I see you, I just had such a hard time finding the right motivation and inspiration for these pieces. Hopefully I can get the others pumped out in a decent timeline as well 🤞 Thanks @deceiverofgodss for bullying me into working on this, ily 💛 I hope you guys enjoy!

The beskar armor was a large part of his intimidation. It widened his frame – which was admittedly big enough without it – making him bulkier, heavier, a force to be reckoned with. It represented the history of warriors before him, Mandalorians through generations maintaining their reputation of being a people you don’t come back from a fight with. The dark visors and emotionless helmets only helped on that front, he couldn’t even count how many people had tried to back their way out of trouble with one silent look from him. 

Each beskar’gam was unique to the Mandalorian wearing it, and they take special care to make sure it looks as intimidating as wearing it makes them feel. Some go out of their way to paint their beskar, symbolizing their journey with specific colors and designs of their heritage. For Din, it’s keeping the pure metal shined and polished – it turns heads and sends a whisper through the crowd at the mere sight of him. 

It takes a lot to keep it that way. 

He’d had to get his new armor after the Mud horn, but getting out the mud caked into the rest of it had taken much longer than he cared to admit. Being swallowed by the Krayt Dragon and then walking through the Tatooine desert had left him scrubbing the dried goo from crevices he didn’t know existed for hours after you and the kid had fallen asleep. And now, he could only imagine the hassle it would be getting all the blood that kriffing Nexu had gotten all over his armor. 

Din was damn near ready to collapse when you all had gotten back to your room at the inn, but he could feel the dirt and grime that was building up underneath his flight suit. He watched you launch Grogu into the air a few times, hugging him close as you flopped down onto one of the small beds, and sending a wink Din’s way. 

You were a saint. With the kid nestled into your arms and properly distracted, he began stripping off his Beskar and setting it down on the caf table. He’d have to get to it after he got out of the ‘fresher. One more glance over at you, smiling to himself as little green hands grabbed your cheeks to try and escape your barrage of kisses, and he slipped into the bathroom. 

The reflection looking back at him in the mirror was rough, to say the least, but when the hot water pounded into his skin the rest of the galaxy faded away. 

It felt like heaven. He let it run across his face as he tried to revive his hair, though he didn’t know what difference it would make, it would be flattened under the helmet again once he stepped out. The pressure of the water worked wonders on the knots in his shoulders. He’d have to find a way to get those out sooner rather than later. Maybe he could sweet talk you into helping… He could just imagine how your nimble fingers would feel gliding across his skin, easing his muscles, gripping his shoulders while he-

No. That was enough of that. Dangerous territory Djarin, keep it together. 

You’d been traveling with Din for… well, it had been a long time now. You’d been with him through thick and thin, been there well before he’d picked up a strange bounty from an imperial imp, and fallen in love with the little green bounty just as much as he had. And after having lost the kid and gotten him back, a handful of times Din had still yet to tell you how he felt. At least, not in a way you’d be able to pick up on. 

Each day that passed where he would choke on his words, he watched you instead. He knew what would catch your eye as you walked through the markets on rural planets, he knew your favorite foods and could tell what you would get for yourself – often before you did. He knew how to read your body language as well as you had come to read his, and you were so in tune with each other that it felt as if you’d known each other your whole lives. 

So why couldn’t he just fucking say what he meant? Instead, he stood by your side and watched as that pretty smile formed on your cheeks, watched your eyes sparkle in the starlight, watched you smother Grogu in loving affection… All he ever did was watch. 

He wanted to take your hand for more reasons than pulling you along behind him, he wanted to do it for no reason. He wanted to stand too close and put his hand at the small of your back, brush his bare thumb across your cheek to comfort you, hold you close to keep you warm late at night. He wanted to run his hands over all your curves, see your pupils blown wide as you looked up at him, feel you quiver beneath him as he-

Dank farrik, cut it out. Din turned the water ice cold to shake himself of the thoughts, pushing them back into the corners of his mind where they belonged. He couldn’t afford to think of you like that, not while he kept watching without saying a damn word about how he felt. 

He took his time leaving the room that was now filled with humid air and steam from his shower. It had made it easier to clean the blood that had splattered on his helmet, polishing it to look as clean as he felt. He dressed in a fresh set of lounge clothes – an investment he’d made at your insistence, and one he’d thanked you for every time the soft clothes draped against his skin – and placed the helmet back on his head, ready to face the rest of his party once again. 

With you, he was prepared for anything. He loved your wild spirit, a shining beacon of your warmth in a galaxy that was otherwise cold and unkind. What he wasn’t prepared for was to see you sitting on the floor with his beskar in your hands, half of the pieces on the caf table having been cleaned and polished. 

It was times like these he was thankful he was hidden behind the helmet, because his cheeks were burning in an incriminating shade of red. 

“I like your pants, Din,” you smiled, only looking up from his shoulder piece to give him a playful smirk. And was that..? Of fucking course it was the one with his signet. Cause that’s what he needed right now. “Those the really soft ones I convinced you to get on Naboo?”

“I- yeah… they’re uh, nice,” he managed, feet rooted to the spot, unable to take his eyes off of the way you were being so delicate with his armor. 

“Oh, they’re nice. Well, aren’t you chatty.” Any other time, he might’ve laughed. Currently, his brain was rewiring itself. His lack of response must have been noticeable because now you were setting your rag aside and giving him a concerned look. “Is everything okay?” 

If ever there was a loaded question, that would be it. 

“Yeah, just fine.” A cock of your eyebrow told him that you didn’t believe him, but he couldn’t seem to get any words of consolation out of his mouth. A few more beats of silence passed, Din tried swallowing the lump in his throat a few times, and then he saw something in your expression shift. You were figuring it out… Your focus shifted back down to the shoulder piece in your hand, drifted to the others on the caf table beside you, and found his again with worry in your eyes. 

“Have I done something wrong?”

“No,” he was quick to assure you. “No, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? I haven’t broken some sacred bond between you and your armor?” His heart was hammering in his chest, but you were still able to get an amused huff out of him, which you had told him were barely audible outside of the helmet. He shook his head to answer your question, and in response, you set the now shining shoulder piece back with the rest of his armor. “Will you tell me what’s going on then? You’re freaking me out.”

Maker, where would he start? 

He took a deep breath and decided to take a seat on the floor across from you, leaning against the side of the table. He bent his knees so his feet were flat – grounding him, in a way – his arms rested on top of them. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, possibly giving the appearance that he was relaxing, giving his body a rest. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth. 

“When a Mandalorian cleans another’s armor, it’s a representation of trust,” he started, figuring it would be better if he led with an explanation instead of a blunt answer. “The one removing their armor becomes vulnerable, unprotected by their beskar; they are trusting the other with that vulnerability. And as the other polishes the armor they’ve been trusted with, they help prepare them for battle.”

“That’s beautiful,” you whispered, and only then did he dare look at you. A soft smile graced your cheeks, very visibly put at ease at not having made some great offense to his creed. 

“It’s… a very common courting ritual.” Your eyes widened, and your lips parted in realization. Din didn’t know if he wanted to grab you, pull you into his lap and tell you exactly what had been on his mind the second he saw you with his armor… or if he wanted to run from the room until you could both forget about this entirely. 

He was on the verge of opening his mouth to take it back, to assure you it didn’t always have to mean something that significant – even if that would be a lie – but you beat him to the punch. 

“Tell me more,” you lilted, head tilted in curiosity. “What else do courting Mandos do?” His nerves would have done well with a very large glass of spotchka to have this conversation, though having a sober judgment was probably in his best interest. 

“Mandalorians are big on hidden meanings, a lot of what we do tends to symbolize something bigger.” 

“I’ve noticed,” you smiled, easing his nerves enough to get another small laugh out of him. 

“In a way, it’s somewhat similar to any other relationship. Building trust, getting to know each other, spending time together. The difference is in that underlying meaning, our rituals intended to show how together you both will honor the Resol'nare.” He paused to give you a minute to take it in, stop him if you needed further explanation, but your evident eagerness prompted him forward. “They usually represent how you will contribute to the community together, how you will provide for one another. How you will rear children together.” 

That last statement made his heart skip and sent an electric shot through his body – and to a part of him that didn’t need to be present in this conversation. 

“I guess that makes sense, there’s no Resol’nare in a non-mando relationship, but you still try to figure out how a life together is going to look,” you agreed. “Are most of your rituals like this one? Providing acts of service to your partner?”

“A good many of them, yes. Polishing armor, cleaning weapons…” You were too clever for him to get away with this, he saw the slight tilt of your lips as the same realization hit you both; he always cleaned your weapons for you. Even after he’d taught you how to clean your blaster, he would hold out his hand and make some kind of excuse about it being easier since he was already cleaning his own. 

He could recover from this. “Some gift handcrafted weapons, and if their bond is strong enough, those weapons will bear the other’s signet.” He’d yet to give you a mudhorn, that one was easy. Given, there weren’t very many items that had a mudhorn on them in passing, otherwise he might not have been able to resist the temptation. But while he was in the clear, he watched the slight drop in your demeanor. 

“Are you allowed to so openly wear someone else’s signet?” 

“Not on your armor. But with a weapon, it is a gift that you may carry the other’s signet while courting, not necessarily that you may wear it as your own.” You nodded in understanding, and he waited for that slight knowing smile to come back to your cheeks, and was surprised at his disappointment when it didn’t. He was in the clear, you wouldn’t suspect him… 

And maybe he didn’t want that anymore. 

“That one is more formal, but there are others to do with hunting and providing,” he said quickly, acting on instinct to try and reel you back in. “A basic, instinctive display of protection; bringing meats and hides from your hunt, preparing their favorite foods…” He couldn’t find the words to continue anymore when your gaze met his visor and softened. You figured him out, and his heart may have been beating in his ears, but he was no less confident in his quiet admission. 

“Din?” you asked gently, and he said your name in acknowledgement. “Have you been flirting with me?” 

“Yes.” The sparkling smile that spread across your cheeks sent a warm feeling through his body. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I needed time. That was the only way I knew how to do anything about it without making a fool of myself, or ruining one of the few good things that I have,” he smiled, and you turned away from him to hide your own flustered expression. 

“That’s not fair! I didn’t know that’s what you were doing,” you laughed. 

“That was the point,” he smiled, and you shook your head exasperatedly as your gaze settled back out into the room. He followed your line of sight, landing on the child as he sat happily in the cocoon of blankets and toys you had crafted for him on one of the beds. 

Din felt a familiar ache as he watched his foundling, one that longed for these little domestic routines with your mis-matched family. He tried to ignore them because of the desire for you they had a tendency to inspire, despite the fact that no matter what he liked to call you, the three of you were a family in your own way. And yet, this time felt different. It felt comfortable. 

He caught your movement in his peripherals, turning his head slightly to find you grinning curiously at him. “Now that I know… how do you feel?” He took a second to inhale before he responded, steadying himself. 

“That depends. Other than your piqued interest, I still don’t have an answer to how you feel.” He was sure you saw right through him; he wasn’t an ignorant man, he could assume how you felt based on your response. But he’d done enough of that. Besides, it was your turn to be the one spilling your guts.  

“Well… I’ll tell you that now I know where I’ll pick up dinner tonight.”

“That’s not what I-” 

“The cantina we passed in town, they have that soup I know you love,” you started, quick to cut him off and make him see your damn point. “I don’t know if it counts because I didn’t prepare it, but that’s the best I can do for now. You’re just gonna have to read between the lines, Mandalorian.” He only stared at you for a few moments, taking in your growing smile, warm and mischievous in a way that was so unique to you. 

You were flirting back at him. 

You liked him. 

Instead of finding words to reply, having used up his usual quota, Din shifted in his place on the floor to reach out for you. Your soft laughter lit up his entire body as he pulled you closer, and you slid into his lap with ease. He could no longer deny himself with your half-spoken admission, giving in to the part of him that needed to have you close as often as he could manage.

Thanks for reading!! If you’d like to be notified when I post a new fic, be sure to follow @writerlyhabits-library + turn on post notifications! 💛

Speaking of, if you wouldn’t mind answering my survey about what you think of my library/taglist system? It’d help me figure out how to reach you guys best. I’d really appreciate it!

#din djarin #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #anonymous #anonymous request #din djarin fluff #kam takes forever to do shit #kam writes #my writing

[queerchoicesblog]

Cursed (BB, Kamilah x MC)

Bloodbound again for the Choices November Challenge by @meeraaverywalker xD

As the Feral issue is raging, Kamilah asks Adrien to stop by her office to discuss some concerns she’s having lately. However, what troubles Kamilah is not - or at least not entirely-  what Adrien expects...

Prompt: Fears

Word Count: 5700+ (Yeah, it turned out longer than expected xD)

_______________________

Adrien playfully knocked on Kamilah's office door. An assertive yet somehow distant voice came from the inside. "Come in". Kamilah was standing in the dark office staring off into the distance in front of her window, arms crossed, barely noticing Adrien's movements. "Woah, Kam, you're going full gloomy brooding vampire with no light on" he joked as he switched on the light, before taking a seat in one of the luxury leather armchairs facing her desk. As his friend didn't say a word nor even rolled her eyes at his humour, he added, making himself more comfortable: "Okay, straight to business...well, enlighten me, why did you summon me at this ungodly time, my Queen?". He smiled affectionately at her. Kamilah seemed rather uncomfortable and unable to find words. She kept staring off the window, inhaling sharply. In the end, she clenched her jaw and said: "I'm worried, Adrien". "Yeah, you're telling me. This Feral thing is one hell of a mess and I can't find a way out. I mean, I warned my clan as you did with yours. But I'm not sure The Baron or Priya did too, I bet they don't give a damn...and Vega? He keeps getting more and more suspicious. Do you think we should-" Adrien answered, but he was cut short by Kamilah who interrupted him abruptly. "No it's- it's not that" she said, looking uncommonly vulnerable. "I mean, the Feral mess worries me too, but that's not why I asked you to come". She immediately diverted her eyes back to the window. "Okay, so...what's bothering you, Kam?" Adrien said reassuringly, trying to hide his surprise.

"It's a...more personal matter" she said. She shuffled uncomfortably.

Adrien didn't know what to think: they were close, yeah, but he knew that Kamilah didn't open up easily, especially when "more personal matter" was involved, whatever it meant. He tentatively asked, lowering his voice: "Did you get yourself in trouble? Did you...did you turn anyone?". Kamilah turned immediately to him and answered almost angrily: "Are you high? I would never do that shit, you know me!" "But you're in trouble, right?" Kamilah took a shaky breath, trying and failing to recompose herself. "Kind of". "Personal enemies? Clanless? Clan internal rivalry? I mean you are the best fighter and the most charismatic clan leader I know but you can count on me, if you need help" he said calmly. "No, it's-" she was cut short by Adrien's phone ringing. "Oh sorry I better take this, I told her to let me know if a certain client called...it won't be long" he apologetically smiled. Kamilah gestured that it was okay and he picked up his phone. "Hello, Amy! Yeah...no no, it's okay, I can't stay long but I asked you to call...huh, huh...yes, please call him back and tell that he can come to my office at 7pm if it's okay for him. Did you need anything else? Nice, keep up the great job! Have a good night...oh gosh I didn't mean! Haha glad you understand! Take care, Amy" Adrien closed the call, smiling amused. Then he turn back to Kamilah. "Sorry, it was Amy, I asked her to give me a call..that client is pretty important and-" he stopped as he noticed that Kamilah was now facing him. The expression in her eyes as they faded on the phone he was holding unredeable. He never saw her like this. "It was her" she whispered. "Yeah, as I said she" he said, when a sudden realisation hit him. "Kamilah, the personal matter you mentioned is...Amy?" Kamilah opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out. She just gaped and nodded silently, diverting her eyes from him. He swore he saw her imperceptibly blushing. Adrien looked at her for a minute trying to read the signals Kamilah was trying to hide, unable to express them. Then he smiled softly spinning on his chair. "Who'd have known that I get to see the day Kamilah falls in love! Oh gosh, does she know? Congratulations, Kam-" he stood to hug his friend but she stepped backwards, barely hiding her shock. "Adrien, you can't be serious! She's a mortal, there's nothing to be happy!" "Try and tell me you're not happy around her" he challenged her, crossing his arms and giving her a knowing look. "That's not the point! You know what love for a mortal means to us" "I don't, but I know what loving and losing a beloved one means". Adrien smiled grimly. "But I also know that you look happier lately and I couldn't figure it out. I mean...I had my suspects seeing you two on the way to the ball and well, spending more and more time together. I just wasn't sure it was love". He inhaled deeply: "I'm happy for you Kamilah, you've been lonely for so long. Don't be afraid". He tentatively pulled her into a hug. Kamilah was caught off guard and didn't push him away. She just said into his ear: "She must be afraid of me, she's like a little firefly flying too close to the light..." "Poetry already? Yeah, you're in love, sis!" He chuckled. "You're not that bad, Kam. You're the most caring person I've ever met: you two will be just fine if you give this a chance. To be honest, I think Amy could never be in better hands". He smiled at her affectionately. Kamilah looked down at her hands. "These hands...they are the problem, Adrien. Well part of the problem." She said, before looking him in the eye. Her voice lowered and began shaking: "You know what they did. Yours too. Horrible things, horrible. They should never, should have never touched such a pure, innocent-" Adrien instinctively reached for her hands. He took them into his and rubbed his thumbs on them reassuringly. "That was then and this is now, Kam. We cannot change the past but we changed" He shook her hands firmly and looked her in the eye. "We changed, Kam. We're not monsters. He was, not us. He controlled us, you know that". "But would she leave, if she found out what I've done? If I told her...Would she think that I'm a monster?" Adrien saw her eyes welling with tears for the first time. He winced in pain at this sight. "She may be shaken, I'm not gonna lie. But remember what the poet said? Amor vincit omnia. Love wins all. And you deserve love". Kamilah sniffled and let out a heavy sigh. "God, I hate this kind of conversation". Adrien laughed softly, amused. "Oh Kam, I can tell!" "I'm just...scared, Adrien. I don't wanna fall in love again and I know I'm falling for her. Love is a curse for people like us. I don't want to...I'm afraid to suffer again and to make her suffer. Knowing what comes next scares the hell out of me. That familiar vulnerability, the affection, the intimacy and then-" her voice cracked "and then it's all gone because humans are not meant to live forever. A disease, a car crash, wrong place wrong time... I won't be able to protect her from any of these and I don't want her to be like us. Even when I tried it- it didn't work. I don't want her to be afraid of me nor hate me for what I did, for what I might do to her. I don't want to lose her, but I know I will...I'm just so tired of losing soulmates yet it seems I cannot avoid it". Kamilah buried her face in the crook of Adrien neck, as she whispered almost imperceptibly: "I must be cursed, Adrien".

#choicesnovemberchallenge #fanfic #bloodbound #kamilah x mc

[rainbowdress]

First of all, I would like to thank Ruby for the most amazing opportunity of my entire life. She did not have to take me as her plus one to meet Taylor, but she did. I am forever thankful.

I’ll try and keep this short, but I will probably fail tremendously. The first Taylor song I heard was Teardrops on my Guitar when I was 11 or 12 years old (I’m 23 now, which just goes to show that I truly am here for the long haul). The first show I ever attended was the Manchester show in 2015, I never had the opportunity due to finances before that.

I bought tickets for the Rep Manchester show in presale, and had seats in block 212. Further down the line, a friend of mine was selling her block D2 tickets for the same night, so I bought the tickets from her. So I had some spare tickets. I thought about selling them, and even made a tumblr post about it which circulated, but then I had an idea. SO many people couldn’t afford tickets to the show, and I hated that they wouldn’t have the chance, so what if I could make someone’s dreams come true by giving the tickets away? I deleted the original post, and made a brand new one for the ticket giveaway. I had around 50 people enter both on tumblr and twitter, and on the 18th of May I picked the winner using a random generator. This is where @magic-madness-heaven comes into the picture. Ruby won the tickets, and I was SO EXCITED to tell her! I contacted her immediately, and she was so so so so happy!

Fast forward to this week. I received a text message on Wednesday from ticket master explaining that our seats had changed due to the stage layout and I would be moved to block B4, row B instead!!! BONUS!!! Ruby’s seats had also been changed, so I let her know and we spoke about how excited we were to meet etc.

Fast forward again to Thursday. I was at work when Ruby contacted me:

I WAS FREAKING OUT SO MUCH FOR HER!!! NOT ONLY DID I MAKE HER DREAM OF SEEING TAYLOR LIVE COME TRUE, BUT SHE WAS NOW MEETING HER BECAUSE OF IT!!!

I have to admit, which I even told Ruby, I was jealous but in a good way! I would have loved to have been contacted, but I was so glad I had made someone’s biggest dream come true and I just knew I had made the right decision by doing the giveaway. Money was no payment for the happiness I had given her. BUT THEN I RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE AND WHEN IT POPPED UP ON THE SCREEN I LOST MY SHIT AT WORK:

I WAS MEETING TAYLOR!!! I WAS MEETING TAYLOR WITH RUBY!!! OH MY GOD THE DREAM!!!! IT WAS HAPPENING!!!!

I could not stop thanking Ruby for the opportunity, and she couldn’t stop thanking me for doing the ticket giveaway, and we were both just a big bowl of emotions at this point. We arranged where we would meet and I gave her my details for Taylor Nation.

On Friday, I was a mess. I could not form sentences without stumbling over my words. I arrived at the venue at 4pm and found Ruby and Victoria!!! We went to collect the envelope we needed, bumped into Kam ( @itsjustinyourwildestdreams ) AND SHE SHOUTED MY NAME SO LOUD!!! It was SO CUTE!!! We had a few hours to kill, and we met up with some of my friends (shout out to the coven, Mette, Judith and Natalie).

At 5:45, we were queued up ready to go into the rep room (oh, my god) and some of my group chat friends were also there (what are the chances!!!) we were all freaking out while in the queue...

Then it came to us meeting Taylor...

The lady at the curtain opened it and was like, “it’s your turn” and I very loudly exclaimed, “OH SHIT” and pushed Ruby into the room because I panicked. So Ruby walked in and Taylor said “oh, my gosh, hello!” And she pulled her into a hug, and then pulled me into a hug and said “thank you so much for coming! How are you?” And I said “nervous”

She nodded and smiled like she does when she’s listening to someone. And she said to me “have you changed your hair? I love it! It’s so cute!” And she stroked it!!!!! “Are you keeping it for the summer?” And I said “I dyed it a couple of months ago and I love it so I’ll probably keep it for a while” and she nodded and smiled again like she does and she looked at Ruby and was like “you’ve colour coordinated! Your shirt matches her hair!” And she GIGGLED!!! Then I told her about the ticket giveaway and how it was Ruby’s first ever concert! and Taylor said “oh, wow! Wow, that’s so sweet of you!” That’s when Ruby FINALLY found some words and said “yeah, I’ve never been to a concert, but I’ve really really wanted to go to a Taylor Swift concert and I won the tickets and I can’t believe I’m here????” and she smiled at us both AGAIN and was like “I’m so glad you’re here! Do you want to take a picture?” And Ruby exclaimed “yes please!” So she pulled me to the other side of her and said “you come and stand here, be aware because the lights are REALLY bright!” And I said “oh great, I’m going to go blind for Taylor Swift” and we had the picture taken and then she turned to us both again and said “thank you so much for coming, I hope you enjoy the show” and Ruby told Taylor she loved her and she smiled so CUTE and said “I love you too!” and then we had to leave so she hugged us both again and I whispered “I love you” in her ear and she squeezed me ahxbeownsnskwbw

I can never, ever, ever thank Ruby enough for the opportunity of a LIFETIME. And although I never got to thank Taylor for liking the post when I came out to my dad, or ask about the smelly cat (2015) step by step process (which I had dared her to do) I had the time of my life.

And that’s the story of how I met Taylor and I will never be the same again.

#personal #closestthingtomichellepfeiffer #taylor swift #my taylor story #I MET TAYLOR SWIFT #tour! #reproom

[lemon-writings]

Playlist: Zamsel

This playlist is for my son character Zach Amsel (Zamsel) from my book WADAA. He’s one of the few characters that gets their own playlist, especially in WADAA. It’s difficult to give characters like Kam playlists, but it’s easy to curate a collection of songs for Zamsel. 

He’s a relatively sad guy, but it’s fair, all things considered. Poor guy has some severe anxiety and a toxic relationship with his girlfriend, Chai. A lot of the songs are New Medicine, which I think of as Chai’s band. It’s also one of the gosh dang saddest playlists I’ve made within the past couple years. Like, wow, buddy. You’re really sad. I wonder who did that to you.

This playlist is continuously growing, so I’ll probably update it from time to time. 

Bad Habit - Ben Platt

You always said that I'd come back to you again / 'Cause everybody needs a friend, it's true / Someone to quiet the voices in my head / Make 'em sing to me instead, it's you

Hate to say that I love you / Hate to say that I need you / Hate to say that I want you / But I do

You make me feel like I'm floatin' off the ground / Above this little town, you do / Look at me smile with tears in my eyes / I love the way you lie, I do

Like A Rose - New Medicine

You better pray she took her morning medication / Or you might have to pick her up at the police station / 'Cause if there's trouble in this town, you know she's gonna find it / She's like the devil in a short skirt but I don't mind it / Everybody thinks I'm crazy, but they don't even know

She got jagged edges and a dirty mouth, what a lady / And she got everything that I don't wanna live without / She's kinda like a rose / She's kinda like a rose / She's kinda like a rose and you might wanna run / 'Cuz even when she's cold, she's burnin' like the sun / The bitch is rock n roll, and let me tell you, son / Don't care if you don't like her / I love her, I love her

Broken Girl - New Medicine

I wish I didn't know you, I wish I didn't care / I shoulda known that we were never going anywhere / I shoulda lied a little, I shoulda cheated too / I guess you only want to love someone who hurts you

Yeah, you're always calling me at 3:00 A.M / Drunk and lonely, here we go again

Hey, you're begging me to stay / And know just what to say / I gotta get away, you're just a broken girl / Oh, your body's saying "go", you're naked on the floor / Don't love me anymore, you're just another broken girl

I wish that I could fix you, I know I never could / Maybe you're just afraid of anything that's any good / You say you think about me, but you see other guys / Sometimes I guess I feel like loving you is suicide / Still there's somethin' I just can't resist / I guess that's how it always comes to this

Dead Love Song - New Medicine

I didn't wanna break you down / I sacrificed myself, my conscious wouldn't let me out / Oh, there's the cage I'm in / Poison dropping on my skin / Goodbye's hanging on my tongue / And I know I'll die if I don't run

I only got one thing on my mind / Nothing's gonna stop me, not this time / Wasted way too long, living in the lines of a dead love song / I've been afraid to let you know / I've been afraid to let you go, I've been afraid 

Heart With Your Name On It - New Medicine

Goddamn, you treat me like shit / But I keep coming back for more / I'm so over it, but I just can't run / 'Cause just when I think I've had enough of your suicidal love / Well, you always suck me in

It's like the more fucked up shit you do, the more I'm into you / And I just can't say goodbye

Breaking up was my idea, so why do I feel so low? / You know that I tried like hell to forget you / I'm lying in someone else's bed, but you're all up in my head / Like there's no escaping you 

Boy Like Me - New Medicine 

She's the only girl I see / She don't wanna be with a boy like me 

She's the kinda girl that you can never please / She don't even really wanna talk to me 

I don't wanna live another day like this / In a world where she don't even know that I exist 

Self Esteem - The Offspring

But she came over, I lost my nerve / I took her back and made her dessert / Now I know I'm being used / That's okay, man, 'cause I like the abuse / I know she's playing with me / That's okay 'cause I've got no self-esteem

When she's saying, oh, that I'm like a disease / Then I wonder how much more I can spend / Well, I guess I should stick up for myself / But I really think it's better this way / The more you suffer / The more it shows you really care / Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah

Late at night, she knocks on my door / She's drunk again and looking to score / Now I know I should say no / But it's kind of hard when she's ready to go / I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb / I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem 

Sex in the City - Hobo Johnson

Sex in the city / Probably feels really really nice / With hands placed on faces and twinkles in their eyes / Sex in the city / Probably looks really really great with / A girl that's like a ten and a guy that's 'bout an eight / Sex in the city / Sounds like it takes place on stage / Both moaning in key while Marvin Gaye sings / Sex in the city / Candles smell like great jobs and promising careers / My candles smell like fear my roommates may hear

I have really bad b-acne / It looks like the gosh-dang night sky / And I promise I'm gonna get it taken care of

Peach Scone - Hobo Johnson

And I love the thought of being with you / Or maybe it’s the thought of not being so alone! / Hey, the second one’s way sadder than the first one / But I don’t know

Shit, I love being—I love being loved, but / Don't like crying on the phone

And if you find someone who loves you for who you are / Keep loving 'em, man / 'Cause that shit happens like, once in a lifetime, y'know? / And who am I to get in the way of someone living their lifetime, Y'know?

House of Gold - Twenty One Pilots

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old / Will you buy me a house of gold / And when your father turns to stone / Will you take care of me?" / I will make you queen of everything you see / I'll put you on the map / I'll cure you of disease

Let's say we up and left this town  / And turned our future upside down / We'll make pretend that you and me / Lived ever after happily

And since we know that dreams are dead / And life turns plans up on their head / I will plan to be a bum / So I just might become someone

Twin Size Mattress - The Front Bottoms

It’s no big surprise you turned out this way / When they closed their eyes and prayed you would change / And they cut your hair, and sent you away / You stopped by my house the night you escaped / With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay / You said “Hey man, I love you, but no fucking way”

This is for the lake that me and my friends swim in / Naked and dumb on a drunken night / And it should've felt good, but I could hear the Jaws theme song / On repeat in the back of my mind / Make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face / There are lessons to be learned / Consequences for all the stupid things I say / And it is no big surprise you turned out this way / The spark in your eyes, the look on your face, I will not be brave

She hopes I’m cursed forever / To sleep on a twin-sized mattress / In somebody’s attic or basement my whole life / Never graduating up in size to add another / And my nightmares will have nightmares every night / Oh, every night, every night

Relapse - Divided By Friday 

I don’t wanna be somebody falling into relapse / Every time I see that smile again / I just think of when you said “I love you / But I don’t think I can be the one.” 

Did you forget that we said “I’m never gonna leave you / Always gonna keep you right here next to me?” / So why am I the only one; the lonely part of “we?”

Colors - Halsey

You were red, and you liked me because I was blue / But you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky / Then you decided purple just wasn't for you

Ease My Mind - Ben Platt

Most days, I wake up with a pit in my chest / There are thoughts that I can't put to rest / There's a worry that I can't place / Most nights, I am restless and quiet won't come / So I lay there and wait for the sun / There's a trouble that won't show its face

Darling, only you can ease my mind / Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind / When they pull me under, and I can feel my sanity start to unwind / Darling, only you can ease my mind

Peach - The Front Bottoms

One day, you will find someone / Who will love you like you deserve / But tonight, I'm the only one left / And I'm betting it's a fact that you will never learn

You say I'm gonna miss you when you leave / And you are probably right

You say I should think before I talk / You say I shouldn't think about my life

Archive - Mal Blum

And so I spent the winter bundled up / Pretending I was sane / And giving up / The things I love the most / Because they felt like pain

And I lied to all my friends, said I was happy when I wasn't / And you lied to all yourselves / Said I could give you what you wanted / But it all feels so much bigger than / Some blame-filled, lonely break up 

#playlist #spotify playlist #noveling playlist #zamsel #tw: abusive relationships #tw: drug use

[ronshort]

quizity quiz quiz

BEGINNING

AGE?: 29 PIERCINGS?: Previously ears. For a very very short period of time.  ANY TATTOOS?: "Mom”, a thumbs up, and a dinosaur  HAVE THEY EVER CONSIDERED PLASTIC SURGERY? WHAT WOULD THEY GET DONE?: Nothing. GIVE 5 FACTS ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE: Long, brown, curly hair. Dimples. Black eyes. 

GENERAL

FAVORITE AND LEAST FAVORITE HOLIDAY?: Favorite: Thanksgiving. Least: Halloween WHAT FOOD CAN THEY NEVER TURN DOWN?: Cheesy anything.  WHAT IS THEIR DIET LIKE? ARE THEY VEGETARIAN, VEGAN? He eats everything.  ARE THEY MORE OF A SNACKER THROUGHOUT THE DAY, OR DO THEY EAT THREE MEALS AND CALL IT A DAY?:  Three meals. Never give up a meal.  WHERE DO THEY PREFER TO READ? THE SOFA, IN BED, AT A TABLE, ON THE PORCH, IN A CAFE?: He doesn’t really read.  DO THEY WATCH SPORTS? FAVORITE TEAMS?: Wrestling.  DO THEY HAVE CABLE, OR DO THEY RELY MOSTLY ON NETFLIX, HULU, AND OTHER STREAMING SERVICES?: All of it.  WHAT ARE 3 NETFLIX SHOWS THEY LIKE?: Any cooking show. The Ranch. The Good Place. HOBBIES AND INTERESTS?: Wrestling. Music from the 90s. Documentaries.  WHAT SOCIAL GROUPS OR ACTIVITIES DO THEY ATTEND?: Work related activities.  ARE THEY A GOOD COOK?: He can do a few dishes.  DO THEY LIKE TO TAKE PHOTOS?: No. FAVORITE INSULT/CUSS WORD?: Shit. DO THEY EXERCISE? WHAT DO THEY DO?: He runs. Recently started some weight training.  DO THEY DRINK?: Yes. WHAT KIND OF DRUNK ARE THEY?: Flirty. Loud. Bold. Emotional.  IF THEY COULD ONLY TAKE ONE BAG OF STUFF SOMEWHERE, WHAT WOULD THEY PACK?: Clothes. Cheese & crackers. A cd player and headphones. Batters. CDs.

CHILDHOOD

WHAT TYPE OF DISCIPLINE WERE THEY SUBJECTED TO AT HOME? STRICT? LENIENT?: So so strict.  WERE THEY OVERPROTECTED? SHELTERED?: Both. DID THEY FEEL AFFECTION OR REJECTION?: Both. WHAT WAS THEIR FAMILY’S ECONOMIC STATUS?: Upper middle class.  BROTHERS, SISTERS? WHO DO THEY LIKE? WHO DO THEY HATE? WHY?: Grew up an only child. Has a nine year old sister. WHAT DO THEY THINK OF THEIR FATHER? WHAT DO THEY LOVE OR HATE ABOUT HIM?: His dad’s a very smart man. Deep down.  THEIR MOTHER? WHAT DO THEY THINK OF HER? WHAT DO THEY LOVE OR HATE ABOUT HER?: His mom is a traditional Jewish mom. Protective and opinionated. 

CHILDREN

WHAT TOYS DID THEY PLAY WITH AS A CHILD?: Anything. Action figures, those big hulk hands. Water guns.  HAVE THEY EVER HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND?: No. DID THEY HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS AS A KID? DID THEY KEEP ANY OF THEM INTO ADULTHOOD?: Two best friends. Only one survived.  DID THEY HAVE PETS AS A KID? DO THEY HAVE ANY NOW?: None as a kid. Kurt is his best friend.   WHAT CLIQUE DID THEY FIT INTO IN HIGH SCHOOL? WERE THEY PART OF ANY CLUBS/SPORTS?: He was very nerdy until his senior year where he started making more friends.  WHAT DEGREE DO THEY HAVE? GED, HS, COLLEGE, PH.D.?: High School.  DO THEY LIKE CHILDREN? DO CHILDREN LIKE THEM?: He loves kids and kids like him. He’s childish so it works out. DO THEY HAVE/WANT CHILDREN?: He’s not really sure. Maybe in a couple years he’d like one. Babies are a little scary, but kids are fun. WHAT KIND OF PARENT ARE THEY/WOULD THEY BE?: He’d be great at dad jokes.

LUST

DO LOOKS MEAN ANYTHING TO THEM? COULD THEY FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THEY THOUGHT WAS UGLY?: Looks mean something, but he could probably fall for someone he didn’t initially think was attractive.  DO THEY LIKE KISSING IN PUBLIC?: Not like making out, but a quick kiss is fine. HOW MANY PEOPLE DID THEY KISS IN 2012?: A few? VIRGIN?: No. HAVE THEY HAD SEX WITH A MAN?: No. HAVE THEY HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN?: Yes. HAVE THEY BEEN WITH SOMEONE OLDER THAN THEM?: No. HAVE THEY HAD SEX THIS YEAR?: Yes. HOW MANY TIMES DID THEY HAVE SEX LAST YEAR?: He didn’t count, but regularly. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS DID THEY HAVE?: Last year, one. FOREPLAY, YES OR NO?: Yes. WHAT IS THEIR DEFINITION OF HAVING SEX?:  Any insertion of a genital into something. WHAT IS THEIR DEFINITION OF CHEATING?: To him, emotional cheating is definitely a thing so.

CRUSH

DO THEY GET JEALOUS EASILY?: Depends.  WHEN IS THE LAST TIME THEY FELT JEALOUS?: When he found out Kim was dating Dylan. DO THEY FORGIVE BETRAYAL?: Depends.  HAVE THEY EVER BEEN CHEATED ON?: Not sure.  HAVE THEY EVER CHEATED ON SOMEONE?: Yes, because hall passes don’t count to him. HAVE THEY EVER CRIED OVER SOMEONE?: So much. HAVE THEY EVER EXPERIENCED UNREQUITED LOVE?: Yes. HAVE THEY EVER WANTED SOMEONE THEY COULDN’T HAVE?: Yes. HAVE THEY EVER LIKED ONE OF THEIR BEST FRIENDS?: Yes. HAVE THEY EVER LIKED SOMEONE THEY DIDN’T EXPECT TO?: Yes. DO THEY THINK SOMEONE HAS FEELINGS FOR THEM?: He hopes. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON THEY HUGGED?: Kim. WHO WAS THEIR FIRST KISS?: Daisy. DO THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON ANYONE?: Kim. DESCRIBE THEIR CRUSH: Blonde. Blue eyes. Named Kim.  NAME FIVE PEOPLE THEY FIND ATTRACTIVE: Kim, Blair, Lacey, Norah, Kam.

LOVE

HAS ANYONE TOLD THEM THEY DON’T WANT TO EVER LOSE THEM?: es.  IF THEIR FIRST LOVE KNOCKED ON THEIR DOOR WITH AN APOLOGY, WOULD THEY ACCEPT AND WHO WOULD IT BE?: She never needed to apologize to him. WHAT’S THE SWEETEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE FOR THEM?: Loved him back. WERE THEY SINGLE AT ALL THIS YEAR?: He’s not really sure.  DO THEY WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IN A YEAR?: Yeah. WHAT WAS THEIR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? HOW LONG DID IT LAST?: Kam, three years.  WHAT HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM AND ONE OF THEIR PARTNERS?: Two years.  WHAT’S THEIR OPINION ON AGE DIFFERENCES IN RELATIONSHIPS?: He would probably never date anyone with more than a few years distance.  HOW MANY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THEY BEEN IN?: Two.  WHY DID THEIR LAST RELATIONSHIP FAIL?: He loves someone else.  ANYTHING THEY WANT TO SAY TO THEIR EX?: He’s said everything.  ARE RELATIONSHIPS WORTH IT?: Yes. ARE THEY IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW?: Leaning towards yes.  WHAT IS THEIR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEIR PARTNER?: Everything.  WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THEY TOLD SOMEONE THEY LOVED THEM?: Probably a few hours ago. IS THERE SOMEONE THEY WILL NEVER FORGET?: Yes.  IS THERE ANYONE THEY’VE GIVEN UP ON? WHY?: Dylan. He gave up first.  DO THEY EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED?: Yes. DO THEY THINK THEY’LL BE MARRIED IN FIVE YEARS?: Fingers crossed.   DESCRIBE THEIR PERFECT PERSON: Kim.

IN DEPTH

THE BEATLES OR THE ROLLING STONES?: Stones. IF THEY COULD LIVE AND BE HEALTHY WITHOUT SLEEPING OR EATING/DRINKING, WHICH WOULD THEY CUT OUT OF THEIR LIFE?: Sleeping. WAS THE FIRST CRUSH IN THEIR LIFE SOMETHING THEY HAD OR SOMETHING SOMEONE HAD ON THEM?: They had. WOULD YOU RATHER BURN OR FREEZE TO DEATH?: Freeze. COULD YOU LIVE WITHOUT HAVING SEX EVER (AGAIN) IN EXCHANGE FOR ETERNAL YOUTH?: No. WHAT WAS THE WORST NIGHTMARE THEY EVER HAD?: He let drugs get the best of him forever. IF THEY COULD GET AWAY WITH ONE MURDER IN THEIR LIFETIME WITHOUT ANY LEGAL, SOCIAL, OR EMOTIONAL REPERCUSSIONS, WOULD THEY KILL SOMEONE?: NO. WOULD THEY RATHER SPEND ONE YEAR WITH YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE JUST TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN OR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE WITH SECOND BEST?: True love. IF IT MEANT IT WOULD SOLVE ALL WORLD HUNGER, WAR, DISEASE, AND BIGOTRY, WOULD THEY SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY IN HELL?: Probably not...

#c;life

[w-wait--what]

Alright. Two things. 

First, as a trans guy, I’m sick and tired of hearing people talk about how horrible and sick and gross men are, then watching as they see me, and say something among the lines of ‘but you’re great’ or something similar. (The words ‘yeah but you don’t count’ are forever going to piss me off. People who say that to me ? Immediately on that days’ shit list.) If you are going to group me in with men, because I identify as a man, then do it. Don’t feather that shit for me because it’s only going to cause harm. Tell me, would you do that for your cis friends? Because I’ve never seen somebody do that personally, they just get grouped in with the rest of them. I’m fine with it, they understand, but then other people look at the two of us and decide to point out just how different we are and it honestly feels like shit. 

Second, I grew up socialized as a female, I’ve been harassed before and I’ve been sexually manipulated. Men still scare me to this day, and I don’t even pass so ladies I understand. (For the most part, anyways. I’m not gonna be the douchebag who says that I understand all of your problems, because I’m in a way not going to experience the impact the way you all will.) Men suck, I know, I’m also one of them. However, can we please take pauses on hating on men every single chance we get ?

The other day I was having a very normal conversation with two of my friends who are afab. (Most of my friends are girls, so this happens a bit.) Out of nowhere they were talking about how men are gross and KAM (which honestly why not idfc. Women rock who not give them everything.) and stuff. So now I’m standing there wondering if this is happening because they don’t like me, I’m doing something wrong, etc. or if they don’t even see me as male so I obviously share this opinion and am not hurt by it in any way. 

One phrase that I’ve always hated, by the way, is that stupid ‘not all men’ bullshit. Because that’s what it is and it’s pointless. All men are a problem because we’ve been failed, because some, if not many of us, have and do many horrible things. 

I would also like to clarify that I am not saying this to defend any man’s actions. there are many men that I even hate just because some of them are ‘those types’ of men. I just also think that we can calm down on this a little ? And also stop separating trans men from ‘everyone else’ because for a lot of us that’s exactly the problem. Singling us out from everyone else takes that much more normalcy out of our lives and excludes us from something we are, because of what we have been-- something that was completely out of our control. Thanks.