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mischief-lies-and-stories · 6 months

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Post-2x06 Ficlet

I'm still in denial about some of episode 5. My brain keeps going HERE'S HOW LOKIUS CAN STILL WIN, REASON #3234, etc. And also I want my Time Revengers to be friends. (I also may have inadvertently written their version of the shawarma scene.) Spoilers for Loki, minus episode 6 because it hasn't come out yet. (Although, given how episode 5 went and Scattered to the Wind, maybe I should say spoilers for episode 6.)

Shall I Stay? Would It Be a Sin?

It takes innumerable failed attempts, and Loki is exhausted, but at long last, it works. The Throughput Multiplier gets into the launcher, or whatever (OB has a more scientific term for it, but Loki’s going to pass out any second, so he can’t be bothered to remember it), the button doesn’t stick from the radiation, and the aim is true. The rings in the Loom increase in size, the timelines can fit before the Loom overloads, and whoever is wearing the suit this time gets back before their body unspools like spaghetti.

And it’s over. The TVA and the timelines and the multiverse are saved. Sylvie is looking at him like it’s time.

He knows it’s time.

He doesn’t want it to be time.

Mobius suggests pie, and Sylvie looks mutinous, but the six of them trek to the automat after sending Victor back to Chicago. They push the tables together, ignoring the warnings on the walls, and for a few minutes there is nothing but the sound of spoons scraping against ceramic.

But Loki can feel Sylvie’s eyes on him as he sits, shoulder to shoulder with Mobius, and he knows it’s time to broach the topic.

“I have to tell you all something,” he says softly, setting down his spoon and looking around at them all. Four more pairs of eyes swivel to him, and he takes a second to look at each of them, these people he’s come to care about. His friends. His chest aches and the pain nearly takes his breath away. He speaks anyway.

He tells them how they did not actually succeed on their first attempt, and these agents of a time-traveling institution don’t look particularly surprised by this, beyond their initial shock. It’s not the first time he’s told them something they don’t have memories of, after all. He tells them of the disastrous first attempt that scattered them across the timeline, back to where they were from. He doesn’t go into detail about their various lives; he will get to that later, when Sylvie restores their memories. He tells them how he tried to bring them all together to restore the TVA and save the multiverse, how ultimately it was not enough, how in the final seconds of their dissolving reality he finally learned to control the time-slipping. He explains his return to just before their first attempt, and trying over and over and over to get it right.

“Okay. Wow, that’s a lot,” OB says, looking around at the others.

“So… now what?” Casey asks.

Now I lose you again. Loki takes a steadying breath. “Now, if Sylvie is able to help, we’ll restore your memories and you can go back to your lives.”

Sylvie nods to the others, then glances at Loki, the look in her eyes changing to sympathy and encouragement.

There’s a long pause as the agents digest this information.

“Hold on, don’t we get a say in this?” Casey says. OB nods in agreement.

“You didn’t get a choice last time. He Who Remains abducted you from your life.” Loki says. But, not for the first time, he recalls finding Casey on the beach, escaping a high-security prison, on the brink of becoming a fugitive. His eyes find Sylvie at the thought. A fugitive, like his other. He wonders if she would still believe it is right for everyone to go back to their timelines if she knew, but it’s too late now; that argument is long over.

“But it sounds like we aren’t getting a choice this time, either,” OB says. “What about our lives here?”

This isn’t how he expected it to go. After his conversation with Sylvie in the bar in Broxton, he’d been convinced he was doing what his friends wanted. Yet here they were, making the same arguments he had that night. He looks to Sylvie for help.

“This isn’t a life, OB. This is control. You’ve been controlled for who knows how long. You can be happy now.” Sylvie says.

“You can write your own story.” Loki adds.

“I am happy now,” OB says quietly, glancing very quickly at Casey before staring down at their pie.

“And what do you want, Loki?” Mobius says softly at his side, ripping his heart out with six carefully spoken words. He forces himself to turn and make eye-contact with Mobius, with the one it’s going to hurt the most to lose.

“It’s not about what I want,” Loki replies, just as softly. “What I want doesn’t matter.”

Mobius holds his gaze for a long moment, and Loki’s heart aches at the sadness he sees in the agent’s eyes.

“Do you really think you deserve to be alone?” Mobius murmurs finally, and Loki is launched back to before the Loom became unstable, before the Citadel and He Who Remains and being pruned, before Mobius was pruned. He remembers the last time the agent asked him that, in a time loop of Sif calling him a conniving, craven, pathetic worm.

“You will be alone forever, because you deserve it.”

Loki blinks, opens his mouth and closes it a few times. He can’t. He can’t do this, not if Mobius is going to break his heart and put it back together and break it again without meaning to in the span of a breath.

“Mobius. Please don’t do this to me.” Loki whispers, his voice barely a breath. He hopes the others cannot hear, but he knows that Mobius can.

Mobius opens his mouth to respond, but B-15 finally speaks up. “Let’s compromise, Sylvie,” she says calmly, somehow easily picking up that this is Sylvie’s idea in Loki’s mouth. “You and Loki can restore their memories, and we can all make our decision with both eyes open. Stay at the TVA, or return to our former lives.”

“Why not yours?” OB asks.

“Sylvie has already given them to me,” B-15 says. “Before the timeline fractured, actually.”

“And?” Casey prompts.

“I’m staying.” She says with confidence. Loki stares at her, and Sylvie whirls to face her.

“Why? You told me you thought you looked happy!” Sylvie demands.

“I did. I was a pediatrician. I did good work, I made kids feel better. But I lived in New York.” B-15 says, and Loki’s mind moves faster than her story. He knows what’s coming before she says it. “My practice was destroyed in 2012.”

“B-15, I–” The remorse and grief that strikes him like a knife cuts off his voice for a moment, and leaves him at a loss for words. He swallows. “I’m sorry. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry–”

“Loki, save it,” she says, but her voice is kind and calm. “If I knew you for a shorter amount of time, or I had not had as much time to process, I might be angry. If I could recall if there were any casualties, I might feel differently. But I’ve seen the recording of your life, and I know what brought you to my city and caused that Chitauri warrior to crash into my building.”

Memories of the bowels of a ship and a Mad Titan and his children taking Loki apart piece by piece with knives and magic and lies, putting him back together in the image of a follower of Thanos and a shell of his former self. He locks the thoughts away again, in that box that will one day need to open, but not today.

“And anyway,” B-15 continues, thoughtfully, “I got my revenge, in a way. I arrested you after you stole the tesseract.”

Loki smiles involuntarily. “You hit me in slow motion.”

B-15 smiles back. “So we’re even. Sort of.” She turns to Casey, who sits beside her. “Your turn.”

Sylvie gets up. She still looks surprised that anyone wants to stay here. Casey looks at her, eyes a little wide with fear.

“You can look, and then you can make a decision,” B-15 reminds him. He glances at OB, then back to Sylvie and nods.

Sylvie places her hands on the side of his head, and Loki watches the magic dance between her fingers, flow into Casey’s temples. After a moment, she pulls away and Casey opens his eyes. Loki catches a small frown on Sylvie’s face.

“I…I escaped prison.” Casey says. “I was about to be a fugitive. I don’t want to be on the run for the rest of my life. That sounds hard. And lonely.”

Loki feels a little sympathetically embarrassed when everybody turns from Casey to look at Sylvie.

Sylvie swallows, uncomfortable. “It isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” she says, voice somewhat choked.

“I don’t want to go back,” Casey says, with another glance at OB.

Sylvie moves to OB, and it occurs to Loki that Casey did not actually choose to stay at the TVA with his answer.

Sylvie repeats the spell, and when OB opens their eyes, they shake their head almost immediately. They meet Casey’s eyes before looking around the table, and Loki starts to wonder if something might be going on between these two.

“This is my life,” they say with conviction. “On the timeline, I’m alone, I’m unemployed, no one appreciates what I most enjoy doing. I don’t need anyone to appreciate it,” they add, flushing. “But on the timeline if no one appreciates it, I cannot support myself. Here, I have a purpose.”

A why, Loki thinks.

“And I’m happy.”

Loki thinks of fixing Mobius’s tie, of ruining his salad to illustrate a point. “You’re gonna take my job if I’m not careful.” “Come on, you’re the God of Mischief.”

“And I’m not alone.” Loki almost misses the fond smile OB gives Casey, because a hand grasps his shoulder and his stomach bottoms out. He turns to Mobius, and for a moment is lost in the eyes of this man who is so important to him, he scarcely has the words to explain it.

It’s firm hands grasping his, the most solid and comforting thing he’d felt since he’d been kicked through that Time Door and began time-slipping. It’s a nervous expression in Pompeii as Loki wreaked havoc on the timeline that turned to irritation, and then turned to affection. It’s a hug on a windswept moor at the end of time before everything went to shit. It’s that first glance when Loki returned from the past, catching the recognition in Mobius’s eyes, the way Loki’s heart sped up in response.

He’d tried to form the words before, as he watched Mobius walk through that Time Door in the void, before Loki time-slipped and almost never saw him again, as they watched the Loom explode the first time. He never had a chance.

His heart is in his throat as, distantly, he hears OB say, “I’m staying.”

That’s three of his friends, far more than he’d expected, far more than perhaps he deserves.

But now it’s Mobius’s turn, his first friend, his dearest, the one he expects will leave, the one who will be the hardest to let go.

“Okay, Mobius,” Sylvie says, though Loki still holds Mobius’s gaze.

“Let Loki do it,” Mobius says.

“I don’t know how.” Loki replies, unable to raise his voice above a whisper.

“Yes, you do,” Mobius says, voice as steady and calm as it always is, tone confident and trusting. Then, he drops his voice to the same volume as Loki’s, though his tone remains the same. “You can do anything.”

You saw something in me that I hadn’t seen in myself. He’s doing it again.

Loki turns to him fully, and Mobius leans forward. Loki places his fingertips to the sides of Mobius’s head and shuts his eyes, recalling Sylvie’s description of the magic. And then he presses into Mobius’s mind and finds the memories the TVA had long locked away from him. He pulls them forward, and they watch them unfold together.

What? This isn’t right. But it has to be; they are the memories that were trapped in Mobius’s mind.

The memories that come forth are not what Loki passed through when he time-slipped along the timeline. How is that possible? Everyone else’s lives were as they remembered. Yet somehow Mobius fell into another place in time, a place that was not his.

His true life along the timeline is far more lonely. He seems happy enough, has friends, dates occasionally, and is satisfied with his job. But he does not have children, never divorced or widowed or even married.

As the memories fade and the magic dissipates, Loki opens his eyes to see Mobius looking at him. He is too overwhelmed by what he has seen– and not seen– to feel anything under Mobius’s stare.

“That’s not how it happened,” Loki says before Mobius can speak. “You… you had children. I saw them.” He looks to Sylvie for help.

“We don’t create memories,” she reminds him. “Whatever you saw in his head is his true past.”

“But he had sons.” He looks back to Mobius. “You had two sons. You were raising them by yourself. You were reluctant to leave them.” Two boys couldn’t just disappear from existence. Not without being pruned. Could they?

Mobius looks thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe if you showed me your memories, we could figure out what happened.”

Loki nods, moving his hands back to Mobius’s temples. He shows Mobius the children, Kevin and Sean. He recalls their blond hair, the matches and burnt action figure and Kevin claiming he stole the matches. He remembers Mobius bribing the other boy, Sean, with a puppy, remembers Sean insisting on a snake. He’s startled out of the memories by Mobius, laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” Loki asks. He looks at Mobius, and realizes he’s red.

“You didn’t notice?” He says. “Loki, they’re light-haired. They look like me, but… one of them is mischievous and plays with dangerous things, and the other likes snakes.”

Suddenly, B-15 and Sylvie start laughing, too. Loki glances at them, startled, and realizes OB and Casey are wearing surprised smiles.

“What?” Loki asks them. “I don’t understand.”

“Mobius’s children are carbon copies of their parents,” B-15 explains. “They are identical to one parent in appearance, and one in personality.”

“It’s a classic trope in animated children’s movies,” OB adds. “Saves time for the artists, even if it’s not exactly realistic.”

Sylvie crosses her arms. “Come on, Loki.” She encourages. “Use that mischievous brain of yours.”

Oh. Oh, Norns. It strikes Loki like a flash of his brother’s lightning. He whips back around to stare at Mobius, who has somehow turned even redder as their friends laugh around them.

“You made them up.” Loki accuses. Mobius inclines his head. “How is that possible? How did they become real?”

“I don’t know,” Mobius says.

“Are they still real?”

“I don’t know,” he says again. “But you saved the multiverse, so if they are, I’m sure that me is back with them.”

“Oh my God, Loki, you’re missing the point!” OB shouts gleefully.

“I’m not, I’m waiting for you lot to go away,” Loki snaps, but he must look as dazed as he feels when he turns to look at them all, because they all laugh again. A bubbly joy rolls up in his chest at the sound, and he can’t find it in him to be angry or annoyed with these meddlers. His friends are alive, and they’re all staying here with him (except perhaps Sylvie, but he knows where to find her, and Mobius hasn’t given his answer yet, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious what they all think his answer will be). He has friends.

“Aw, come on, we’ve been waiting for this forever!” Casey teases. Loki turns to snarl at him, but Mobius chooses that moment to put his hand on Loki’s leg, and every thought in Loki’s mind vanishes.

“Give them a moment, there will be plenty of time to tease them later,” B-15 says reasonably, standing up. Casey grumbles, but he and OB follow her.

Sylvie rolls her eyes at Loki and Mobius. “Like a couple of children with their first crush, I swear,” she mutters, which is just not fair. Loki didn’t manifest a fantasy about his and Mobius's imaginary children somehow strong enough to supersede his real past.

When the door shuts behind her, Loki turns back to Mobius, who is still watching him.

“What do you want, Loki?” he asks, an echo of his earlier question. His eyes are gentle as he gazes at Loki, and Loki feels every wall he built around his heart from the moment he bore witness to Mobius's (imagined) past to protect himself against this point, crumble to dust.

“I want you to stay.” Loki whispers, hearing his voice shake. “I don’t want to have to say good-bye to you.”

Mobius smiles. He reaches out, cradles Loki’s face in his hands, and kisses him. Loki presses closer, clutching the lapels of Mobius’s jacket, and kisses back.

“I love you,” Loki whispers, kissing Mobius again and again.

“I love you, too,” Mobius responds. “I’m sorry that there was ever any moment, or ever a version of me, that made you think I wasn’t going to stay. That made you think I didn’t love you.”

#loki #loki tv show #loki season 2 #sylvie laufeydottir #mobius m mobius #loki season 2 spoilers #loki fanfic #lokius fanfic #lokius #ob/casey #my fanfiction #my writing

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shshshshshowrunner · 1 year

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It was late. It was very late.

[Name Redacted] was snoring loudly on the bed. He hadn’t forced her to come out from under it. She was afraid. As he’d been falling asleep, his breath was interspersed with chuckles, if that was the right word for something that sounded so sinister.

Last night- earlier that night, she supposed- had been close. Too close. She was stupid for trying to contact them. She should have known better than to listen when he read what they said out loud.

What they said had made her feel safer. Less alone. Of course it had. And she let her guard down.

When Xigbar- he didn’t read the url but she knew- pointed out the mousepad, she’d laughed.

Of course she did.

That had been a mistake. As soon as it was out, she’d ducked for cover. He hesitated in retrieving her (which was odd) and then when he did eventually grab her, he stopped before really hurting her. She was unharmed, minus some pulled hairs. Which was stranger.

And then he chuckled.

Peeking out from under the bed, she saw a sliver of light coming from… the door? Did he leave the door open?

There must be. There must be. Flour on the floor. So he could see if she. Or some other thing. It had to be a trap.

She stared at the light.

What choice did she have?

[Name Redacted] was sleeping on the right side of the bed, which was odd. So much was odd. It left her a clear path to just go.

This was a trap.

But what choice did she have?

Maybe. Maybe Xigbar had threatened him. With his true name. To let her go. That sounded. That sounded possible. Maybe this wasn’t a trap. He’d said he was coming. He’d said he cared about her (“cannonball”).

She crept out from under the bed.

Stranger and stranger. Her phone was on the left bedside table. Where she could reach. Where she could reach and [name redacted] couldn’t.

And her bag. Not hidden. The sash, in plain sight.

He must have done something. What, she didn’t know. She thought about it as she silently collected her items and tiptoed (not that she should do anything else) towards the door.

Yes. He must have. He must have. Well, she wasn’t sure what he must have done. But something. He’d done something to help her.

It was more than she’d ever gotten before. Outside help was not something she was used to.

An apartment door with her name on it, down the hall. Key in the lock.

She carefully scraped the letters off of the door and wrapped them in the sash. They’d said “Showrunner”, not [OMITTED LAYER 2] or even [LAYER 1], which she appreciated. But there was no use in letting [name redacted] know where she was if he didn’t plan this. If it really was just an escape.

She entered the apartment, firmly locking the door behind her and then pushing a nightstand up against it. She was alone. She was safe.

She pulled the curtains on the window tightly closed and then got out of that gods-forsaken wedding dress. As if she would ever wear something like that willingly.

Curling up in the blankets (on the left side of the bed), she pulled out her phone and- damn, right, the fucking-

Getting out of bed and pulling out the potato battery she’d hidden in her makeup wipes, she sat back on the bed and pulled the blanket over her like a cloak.

She clumsily opened tumblr (for some reason it was easier than using the built-in texting- too many buttons for her to accidentally misclick- and navigated to- ugh. There were the posts he’d made. She couldn’t scroll well enough to delete them. Maybe she’d ask Xigbar to report them for community guidelines violations. Surely they qualified. Even under the new rules.

But if they were reported- ah, better safe than sorry. She’d make a new blog. That one (however much she was fond of that url) was tainted, anyway.

It took her about 30 minutes, but she managed to make a new account- @shshshshshowrunner , and then did some privacy work before navigating to Xigbar’s ask box (and following, of course), and typing the following:

“Xbbar dod ypo dp sonetbing?? Om ob a dpfferwbt apaprntnent amd om sake fpr no pw. Male a nrw blos. Amsnwe tbos adle provahgeky pleas. Amd report all pf hos posts pm mu pld be lood. Bock jom please. Om not bsdly knhiroed. Pbly mt war. Amd mu hapr. Ir cpmmwnt anput thw mpthspad wzd dfimmy byq.

Spull camt scrppl

-jdodkoe”

Looking back on it, even she wasn’t quite sure what it said. But he would know. He always seemed to know.

Sure enough, less than two minutes later, she got her reply:

“I promised I'd get you out of there doll

He's not gonna hurt you anymore. I got him to back off. Permanently.

Ill report it all. Especially the stuff you're in dont worry

Glad you think im funny tho lmao”

She smiled. He got her out of there.

Of course he did.

A pause.

She could probably even venture to,,,

She clumsily clicked on the texted reply. It brought up “Unsaved Number” (yyy-yyy-yyyy). And next to that… the call icon…

Feeling brave, she clicked it. And then tried again, because she missed. It took above seven tries but then she heard it ring.

She held it up to her ear, crossing her fingers-

"Hey, doll."

She let the breath she’d been holding out, “Hey!” She let out a relieved laugh, “Hey.”

"Good to know he actually listened to me." His voice had a tinge of relief to it. "Promised I'd get you out."

Her smile fell like a ton of bricks, “L- listened to you? You mean, when you… threatened him?”

"I let him know exactly what would happen if he didn't let you go. Still planning on killing him eventually, but he doesn't have to know that."

“It’s a good thing you didn’t get the chance- our life forces are tied. Something this tournament runner is doing. I think it’s cruel.”

"... Shit, yeah, it is a good thing. Honestly, I don't know if I would've been able to stop myself from just taking him out the second I saw the bastard."

He paused.

"It's not just cruel, it's weird. I guess insurance to keep the couples from killing each other?"

“Maybe,” She said, cringing at the word ‘couples’. She paused, and there was a moment of silence.

“Look,” She said, “I don’t- I don’t- it’s not your fault. That I- that he- that i-” she couldn’t quite get the words out. Her brain felt like cotton. Tired, probably. The last time she’d fallen asleep had been in her apartment in the arena, “I- because you texted me, or taunted him, or because I laughed at the- the mousepad, I don’t want- it’s not-”

The words died in her brainfog.

“I’d have rathered you text me and I get hurt than you not text me and I don’t. If that makes sense.” She sounded like it didn’t, to her.

"... I missed you, too."

She inhaled sharply. And didn’t answer. For a while. Thinking.

“You know,” She said at length, “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that.”

"Hopefully I won't have to say it too much," His voice sounded playful. "Any more rescues like this, and I might have to start charging you."

The smile that had died at the beginning of the conversation returned, “What, is this too difficult for you? Sounds like a skill issue to me.”

"As if. This is just sooooo much time, and energy, and having to talk to people that drive me insane, …" He trailed off, mumbling something under his breath.

She checked the charge on her phone- 70%- and then set the potato battery aside and layed down in bed, a wave of exhaustion washing over her. She didn’t need to sleep as much as other people did, but she did still need it. Same with food, which- the thought back- gods, had the last thing she’d had to drink been swamp sauce? Embarrassing. If asked, she’d lie and say it had been something with more flavor.

“Insane, yeah?” She said with a yawn, not really expecting an answer. Just wanting to keep him talking.

"You had me talking to Sora. I swear if I hear that kid start talking about friendship one more time…"

She faintly frowned in confusion, “You were making fun of [name redacted] with Stanley and talking to Sora? At the same time?”

"No, I talked to him earlier. That's what you were saying with the emojis, right?"

She couldn’t help it. She laughed.

“Right?”

She laughed, not feeling the dread she had felt the last time the sound had escaped her lips. Struggling to speak, she said, “Darling, no, I was making fun of him. Clown shoes,” She giggled, “But I appreciate it.”

She got herself under control, “I really do. You anticipated me. The second reference- the clown shoes picture I had him send- that was ‘Talk to Sora’. You were ahead of the game,” She smiled, “I figured- well I don’t know much about keyblades, but they’re magic, right? And they’re keys? He was keeping the apartment door locked, I was hoping maybe he could use it to let me out. Is that something he could do? Do keyblade do that? What even is a keyblade? Where are you from? I’ve never seen a demigod that could teleport before.”

"Demigod? I'm not- What are you talking about?" He paused again. "I can't tell you all that. Not yet. But I can tell you that the keyblade would've been able to open the door, yeah. … You know I have one too, though, right? I could've just done that myself."

Another pause.

"'Darling', huh?" She could hear the shit eating grin in his voice. "Keep callin' me that and I might just let this slide."

“How was I supposed to know you have a keyblade? You never use it,” She said, remembering returning his arrowguns (and then her pointing one of those guns at him because she thought he was [name redacted] [what she wouldn’t do for an arrowgun]), “And you only mentioned it in relation to Sora- if you have a keyblade, why did you need me to return the-?”

"Honestly? Arrowguns are more fun for me. … Also I don't need the Master's disembodied eye watching my every move, but… that's a story for another time."

“Master?” She asked, instantly worried, “Like-” She paused in confusion. She was too tired and hungry for this, “Is this someone you need taken care of? The kins, they could-”

"Relax. It's not like that. It's mostly classified information, but the most I can say is he's kind of my teacher. Or at least, he was. For now it's a sort of gray area."

“I know about gray areas,” She muttered, rubbing the bruise on her shoulder, “How- if- Sora has one, is the Master watching him? Or?”

"No, he can only see through the keyblades with his eyeball implanted in them. It's gross. I've always thought it was gross. I don't want to carry around someone else's eyeball."

She idly thought of his eyepatch, and the scar. She was silent for a while. She could hear the faint sound of his breathing through the other end of the line.

“As long as you’re safe,” she yawned again, “Anyway-” She frowned, trying to think back- “Oh, right,” She said tiredly, “Demigod. You’re a Janus kid, right? You have-” (yawn) “-you have that vibe.”

"I have no idea what you're talking about, doll. Maybe you should get some sleep."

“Oh come on,” She muttered, “You’re all about doors, and- and-” she yawned “And you can go through them. ”

"That is how doors work, yeah."

She giggled, “I can’t explain it right now… you know Percy and water?”

"... No? Did you take the swamp sauce with you or something-"

“You don’t know about Water Boy? Mr. Hurricane? Blew up Mt. St. Helens? Mr. Turned down Immortality? Mr. Walked Through Hell?”

A pause.

“Why did you think I needed Annabeth as leverage? I couldn’t handle Percy on my own,” She yawned, “He could beat me even with the force field nerf.”

A pause.

“He’s a son of Poseidon? Water go brr?”

"... I'm starting to think I should've taken his threats more seriously."

She let out a laugh, “No, no, it’s all part of the bluff. Act more powerful than you are and he’ll believe it,” she smiled, “That’s what i’m doing with the- with the theatrics! The forcefield, the army, the- the you- you know, my mother, Aphrodite-”

“What?”

A pause, “Xigbar, I thought you looked up my name.”

"I looked up his. Found yours by mistake. … That reminds me, I said the next time we talked I'd tell you something. My name – it's Braig."

“Braig,” She said, trying out the way it sounded, really stretching it out, “Braig. [OMITTED LAYER 2]. Braig. Are you scottish?”

"Italian, I think."

“Hm,” She said, and then repeated quietly, “Braig.”

A pause.

“Wait.”

A pause.

“Hold on.”

She was holding back a laugh now.

“Wait wait wait. Did you rearrange your name and then stick an ‘X’ in there? For what, fun? Spice?”

"As if. I didn't have anything to do with that development. Something my old boss did. Stupid loyalty thing. It really just gave him a way to track everyone. … Don't worry, he's been dead a while now."

A pause.

“What name should I use? For you?”

"I don't mind either. Just- Keep to Xigbar around the others."

“Okay. Okay.”

Pause.

“Braig, were you in a cult?”

"Pretty much. That's where I got the coat- Everyone wore one. I was there for like, 12 years."

She was silent for a moment.

“12 years is a long time.”

"I guess when you're thinking about it in the present. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that long. Been alive way longer."

“Got a number?”

"Lost track after a few hundred years. I don't know. Maybe around 2,000 ish? If I had to ballpark it? Old enough."

“Brave of you to keep track that long,” Her smile turned into a yawn, “I lost track after, what, 50? Add 20 to that, then add the rise and fall of Rome, then the dark ages, and then that thing with the- with the boats? When they found the- the “new world”- not new, but you get it. Then tack on, what, 600? I don’t know why i’m trying to do math. I’m like 2,000, too. Ish.”

"... You aged a lot better than I did."

She let out another laugh, “You try being carved by someone who doesn’t want you to age,” Then realizing that got dark, she pivoted, “I think you look good.”

"You do, huh?" He chuckled a bit. "Good to know, doll."

“What were we talking about? Before age? Oh, demigods. My mother- ‘’’’’’’’mother’’’’’’’’,” She said, and you could hear every quote, “She didn’t even give me any powers? Rude, right?”

"I know what you mean. I had to get what I do on my own."

She yawned, “I mean- like- you know how I just described Percy? Motherfuck he got powers. Like the only thing he can’t do is, like, keep his footing? Fuck’s up with that? I don’t even have charmspeak. Charmspeak. Even Percy thinks I should have charmspeak, he accused me of using it on Stanley.”

"I don't know what charmspeak is."

“Imagine, if, like, you wanted some kind of thing, yeah? And you went up, and you said ‘Hey, you want to give me that so bad you look stupid’, and it, like, worked? But then it wore off. I don’t even have charmspeak. Do you know how easily i could have gotten away from [name redacted] if I had charmspeak? ‘Hey, kill yourself’ and boom! I’m free. But nooo, little [LAYER2] was made to be one thing and one thing only, a [censored], and let me tell you, when he started getting old- like not you old, you’re fine, and you will continue to be fine, but- he sent you a picture, yeah? He aged backwards since i last saw him, last i saw him he was, like, fuck, 90? And he was all like grab grab and i was like ‘kill yourself’ but I Don’t Have Charmspeak! It’s not that hard! Just- I mean, she brought me to life, i was a statue, she can bestow that miracle and- fuck, i don’t know, whatever else, but I don’t get the power of Extra Pretty Please?”

A pause.

“You know what? Now that i’m thinking about it, I think I only said yes to Stanley and Cesare asking please because I’m salty. Team ‘They Said Please’ what about I Say Please? Do I Not Get To Say Please? If I can’t give them charmspeak the least I can do is say yes when they ask not to die,” She rolled her eyes, “even, like, Annabeth- Athena doesn’t give her kids, like, powers powers, but Annabeth can still, like, weave really good and survive trudging through Tartarus. I’m over here, fuckin, I don’t know, Pleaseless. Fuck.”

She stretched out on the bed with a yawn, “Is that too much to ask?”

"... It worked on me."

“Hey, now, don’t say that. No magic involved, I don’t have it. Fucks that quote?- ‘Yet, by your gracious patience, I will a round unvarnished tale deliver- of my whole course of love: what drugs? What charms? What conjuration? And what mighty magic? For such proceeding I am charged withal- I won his- fuck, Xigbar, I guess. Hey, that even fits with the meter. Anyway don’t worry I didn’t use the magic I don’t have on you, alright?”

"That's not what I meant, doll."

Her brain felt like cotton, and she frowned, “...fuck were we talking about?”

"Go to sleep already," he laughed. "You sound half dead."

“If you- don’t you dare hang up the phone or i’ll say please myself out of the window,” She yawned. And paused. “Stay on the line with me? And then maybe if he comes in, if you hear him, you can yell in my ear real loud and I can fight him off? Or we could just hang out. On the phone i mean. Not me and [nickname redacted], obviously, that’s so dumb-”

Xigbar laughed, “[nickname redacted]? Like the animal?”

“He is one!” She said, “He is one. You should hear him when he-” A pause “-nevermind. Stay on the line? You can go to bed, too, just keep the call open? Please?”

"Okay, doll. Promise."

“Okay. Okay,” She was surprised at how calm she was. Not 30 minutes ago she was cowering for her life. “Okay,” She yawned, “Okay.”

“Having fun with that word?”

“Silence, goon.”

He laughed, and she stretched out to go to sleep.

Safe. She was safe.

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aquaburst3 · 6 months

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I discovered this cool indie horror game called Dark Deception not too long ago, and I just realised I added some similar concepts into my own fic.

(Disclaimer: This will contain spoilers for my grand plan for my fic. If you don't want to see them, turn away now.)

Dark Deception is a indie horror game. In it, our protagonist, Doug, wakes up in a strange ballroom. There he is greeted by a lady named Bierice, who says that if he wants to go back to the world of the living, he has to collect Soul Shards inside 10 mini dimensions, so she could complete a device. This is no easy task since all of the shards are guarded by monsters, who serve their master, the demon Malak.

What does this have to do with my fic? Well, Addie (Yuu/The Player) is like Doug.

...Okay, she wasn't an abusive, cheating scumbag. But she wasn't the best person either.

To not dive too much into spoiler territory, back in secondary school (high school), she was a Regina George style mean girl, doing everything that trope implies...minus the racism and homophobia/transphobia and the fact she's a brown latina instead of a white blonde girl. Thanks to prepressure and the desire to fit in to her group of "friends", she did something so awful that I think even half of the TWST characters would go, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" After this event had an unintended side effect, her "friends" threw her under the bus and blamed everything on her. Her ex revealed that he was cheating on her the whole time and only dated her out of pity and for her looks. After these things happened, she vowed to become a better person and even took on the nickname "Addie" to distance herself from her past.

A theory about Dark Deception, which I'm inclined to believe, is that at least some of the realms represent Doug's sins coming back to haunt him. For example, the Reaper Nurses level is meant to represent how Doug saw women as beautiful sex objects for his own pleasure while the Joy Joy Gang stand for how he zapped the happiness from everyone else around him and Mama Bear parallels his abusive mother. I'm doing something similar to that in my fic.

One thing I always planned for since the very start was that each of the OB represent a piece of Addie's psyche/past:

Riddle represents disablist rhetoric lobbed at her, especially by her ex at the end of their relationship.

Leona represents her cunning and manipulative side along with the way she tossed others under the bus to get what she wanted and others did the same to her in the end.

Vil represents her queen bee popular bitch traits.

Azul represents the dark girl boss traits that she admires in her mother and that she wants to emulate herself. He also represents her fear of one of her bullying victims getting their revenge.

Jamil is her animus (dark romantic foil in a heroine's journey), so he represents her desire for love, both in romance and sex.

Idia represents her nerdy side along with her devotion to her family and loved ones.

Malleus represents her isolation and loneliness over the last few years before coming to Twisted Wonderland. Same goes for everyone back then treating her as some sort of heartless monster and coming to view herself in the same light when in reality she really isn't.

(This is merely listing off the canon OB that I based this on. Let's just say that there will be some surprises and twists with this list.)

Not only that, but Destan (an OC introduced in one of the more recent chapters at the time of typing this) represents her ex boyfriend who cheated on her, Rollo (calling him that for simplicity's sake) represents her ire towards Christianity for how it treats others and the final boss represents an evil version of her without any of her good traits.

Addie defeating all of these foes, overblotting or otherwise, is meant to represent her reconsoling that piece of herself. She must do this to come to terms with what happened and move on, becoming a strong person and an adult. She also needs to learn to embrace both her good and bad traits.

Granted, I promise the it won't turn out the story was all a dream like some stupider version of the Ash Coma Theory. All of the events are actually happening for real in universe. This is just the intended out of universe symbolism of all this that I planted as the author.

It's still interesting that I did something similar to this indie horror game without thinking about it. Great minds think alike, I guess. xD

#twisted wonderland #aqua rambles #twst yuu #twst yume #aqua writes

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kalkinemedia · 2 years

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TSX growth stocks to buy for long term: TRQ, OBE & WSP

Regardless of your investment horizon, stock markets offer you numerous possibilities. There is room for investors who desire rapid growth and investors who want less risky options. If you want to increase the value of your investment more quickly through the stock market, you can think about growth stocks.

Highlights

· Statistics Canada report revealed that inflation was highest in May over the last four decades.

· Shares of businesses predicted to develop faster than the market average are known as growth stocks.

· It is expected that the Bank of Canada might soon hike the interest rates by 0.75 per cent.

Shares of businesses predicted to develop faster than the market average are known as growth stocks. Your capital can rise significantly over time if you invest in growth strategies. However, there is also more danger associated with investing in them.

Your money can outperform inflation by investing in TSX growth stocks. According to some analysts, the true growth of your money is the growth rate minus inflation. In other words, your money should rise significantly above inflation.

A recent Statistics Canada report revealed that inflation was highest in May over the last four decades as it stood at 7.7 per cent. Due to the growth in the prices of goods and services across sectors like energy and food, it is expected that the Bank of Canada might soon hike the interest rates by 0.75 per cent.

If you are looking to beat inflation by investing in the stock market, then you might consider exploring the following stocks listed on the Toronto Stock Exchange.

Turquoise Hill Resources Ltd. (TSX:TRQ)

The company is engaged in developing and exploring copper, coal, and gold. Despite uncertain market conditions in 2022, the TRQ stock gave returns of around 64 per cent year-to-date (YTD).

At market close on June 23, the metals and mining stock price was C$ 34.05 per share. On June 6, the TRQ stock clocked a 52-week high of C$ 38.92 apiece.

Turquoise said that it had US$ 0.6 billion of available liquidity at the end of the first quarter, enough to meet the company's expected requirements. Meanwhile, the company's income increased to US$ 394.3 million in Q1 2022 from US$ 332.1 million in Q1 2021.

Obsidian Energy Ltd. (TSX:OBE)

The Alberta-based oil and gas producer generates its maximum revenue from selling crude oil. Obsidian's financial results were strong in Q1 2022 as it achieved strong average production of 29,407 barrels of oil equivalent per day.

Obsidian's cash flow from operating activities jumped to C$ 83.9 million in Q1 2022 from C$ 28.4 million in Q1 2021. The oil and gas company also raised its 2022 production range target to between 30,300 boe/d to 31,300 boe/d.

The energy sector has performed well compared to various other sectors since the start of 2022. Over the past year, the OBE stock surged 119 per cent and gave returns of 84.3 per cent YTD.

WSP Global Inc. (TSX:WSP)

WSP works with clients in the transportation, infrastructure, real estate, and other sectors. In the first quarter, the company achieved robust results as its revenues and net revenues jumped 28.8 per cent and 26 per cent YoY.

In Q1 2022, the adjusted EBITDA grew to $324.6 million compared to $241 million in the first quarter of 2021. Meanwhile, the adjusted earnings were $136.4 million in the first quarter of this year.

The WSP stock surged 0.7 per cent during the trading hours on June 23 and closed at C$ 141.36 apiece.

#stock news #growth stocks #TSX growth stocks

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mylifemydiary · 2 years

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Le Bathroom is le done... pretty much!

4/30/22

I am now 30 weeks! I had a checkup yesterday and asked how my weight compared to my previous pregnancy... I was 202 fully clothed with shoes on, and last time at 30 weeks I was 209. Not a huge difference, but some of it HAS to be muscle, right?? I have been hitting the gym 4-5 times a week, and stretching on the days I don’t come. That HAS to account for something, right?? Also I am not bloated and swollen like last time. I haven’t even been using my belly brace. My doctor said she isn’t concerned about my weight, that there’s no protein in my urine, and my blood pressure looks great. Overall this pregnancy is awesome compared to the last one. Although, my blood pressure was fine until that last 37 week checkup, so I am not entirely convinced of that part. I have been taking my daily dose of baby aspirin and prenatals, and baby is kicking quite often, usually when I am still.

I am just a couple of days away from the big 4-0. I do NOT feel forty years old. I still love unicorns and rainbows and happy meals. My doctor told me she does not feel 57, which blows my mind that she is only 17 years older than me. I love my ob. I am so glad I chose her randomly after looking at insurance providers.

My bathroom is done, minus the ceiling heater, door, and light switch plate. But it looks amazing and feels like a brand new room in the house. The tub is nice and deep and my toddler loves to splash around in it. There is a bluetooth speaker for the air vent and I can put on his Muppets songs while he bathes. I can’t wait to get a bath bomb and try it out myself. Speaking of, I need to get some more bath bombs. My son loves them.

Some nice epsom salts would be good for me.

My husband and I will go to a fancy lunch tomorrow, my first time in my life at Del Frisco’s. It is a steak place mainly, but they do have fish and chicken and stuff for me since I’m not a steak eater. Then on my actual birthday we will celebrate with dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and the rest of my family. I am beyond blessed to have made it to 40 and be pregnant with a healthy baby.

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zvezdacito · 2 years

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TWST HALLOWEEN THEORY TIME

So i was watching Never Ending Halloween translations on youtube and Trein says this line to them before sending the remaining students off. so i think it might be hinting at something and what is actually going on with the missing students (aka im overthinking😋)

so the animated teaser for scary monsters showed as a frame with everyone looking evil with glowy eyes and the only reason i could think of at first is that they might have gotten possessed by the malicious Halloween ghosts they briefly talked about in last year's event? but idk it still didnt really seem like that was what was going on. they looked like they weren't themselves but not like. possessed.

There was also the malleus timeloop theory but the timeloop part got proven wrong by canon already and malleus also looks wack here lol

So I was thinking. what if the reason the missing students looked evil is not cause they got possessed but instead bcs they got amnesia'd and so now they are under the delusion that they ARE the scary halloween monsters FR

I feel like they might go with this one fr more than the other two previously proposed since it's safer and more kid friendly than POSSESSION and having characters like Lilia and malleus getting possessed sorta exposes too many of their weaknesses early and ruins the ominous build up to diasomnia in my opinion😭

Making the characters go nuts because they just THINK they're someone else has all the benefits of writing them getting possessed minus the gross not kid friendly parts so it basically still works maybe even better and the authors are pretty safe there. Diet possession, if you will😎.

Everyone basically just too wrapped up in halloween roles and not wanting Halloween to end that they manifested this onto themselves 😂😂😂

What Trein tells the remaining unkidnapped students here may be brought back and become relevant again cause like. What if whatever made the halloween committee go nuts starts affecting them the longer they stay in black and white halloween land too. and they like gotta take what Trein said to heart and not forget who they are lest they be trapped in the Halloween world forever...

idk maybe the malicious halloween ghosts can still play into this by probably being the ones who manipulated and trapped the halloween commitee in the mirror world to begin with but not straight up possessing them. The halloween committee just got way too into character basically😂

TLDR: what probably happened is that the halloween committee forgot who they were before halloween and now think theyre scary monsters FR because of halloween magic and the rescuers gotta try and not forget who they really are too. fun time to be an NRC student, really

Idk if you guys can tell but I'm doing everything in my power to manifest it not just being just a prank and everyone in the Halloween committee was in it cause like. Not only would that be lame as hell and a waste of hype they also went way too far😭 MFs kidnapped most of the school and the 11?? remaining are literally at the point where they are fearing for your and their lives so it would be like super 😶. if it was all just a joke bro™

+ BONUS THEORY‼️ you know how in this new event crowley said that the defense system of the mirror includes STOPPING THE FLOW OF TIME INSIDE THE SCHOOL. what if thats how everyone got time looped after they couldnt beat OB grim. it was the mirror's defense system acting up 😂 + maybe a small extra enchantment by crowley/malleus/whoever. maybe thats why our first scene in the game is having to take the hand in the MIRROR. idk I thought of most of this at 3AM while I was sleep deprived so yeah🖖

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srbachchan · 2 years

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DAY 5162

Ob Grg, Grg Del April 4, 2022 Mon 9:46 PM

🤍 , To Ef Caroline Moheb .. the loving lovely Coky from Egypt Ef .. happy birthday for the 5th .. and all good wishes of beautiful manifestations in your life .. .. and .. happy birthday to Ef Divyansh Rawat from the City Of Nawabs .. for April the 3rd .. Loves and loving prayers .. 🕊️💮🌼

In the contemplation of the ones that give solace and peace and the company of calm .. may it be universal and complete , with all ..

.. and once done and settled in fresh and new surroundings , the obvious unsettled conditions that last for some time and then adjust amicably ..

and on to work in the early conditions that are in the minus , but to give the impress in the multiple plusses that it is, not .. tough .. but , the professional demands .. and so we bear , with tolerance .. 🤣🤣🤣

.. from the ghats of the Divine Ganga to the next in extreme temperatures .. the pictures reflect not me but what the others are in attire to give a comparison .. 🤣🤣🤣 ..

but an early arrival and an early departure from work .. the room the gym the dinner in the quiet of the room, the connect with the Blog the birthdays and the pictures to justify the presence .. and then to bed ..

memories of the day gone by at the Ganga keep invading the cerebrum .. and the generosity of the crew keeps me company .. in emotion and in affection .. rare and so heart warming .. they connect with the modern facilities at disposal and the revert is there in substance too .. more shall follow in the days to come .. hopefully ..

it is going to be a long schedule here .. and the remembrances of the living in the city and the colours that were dealt then .. the College, the Univ the expeditions with colleagues and friends .. the home the roads the special days spent .. so much to think of and remember ..

but no .. will not write in them .. that is almost a self aggrandised aggrandisement of the aggrandised .. the I .. the I .. the I , that never evades the mind and thought ..

so .. GN ..

love and safety ever ..

Amitabh Bachchan

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lightwdangelo · 3 years

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Thoughts On Grief By Nico Di Angelo

Hi guys! It’s me again with other fanfic, this time it’s me coping with our beloved Nico :)

Summary:

As Nico walked away, the God started to look at the paper, just a piece of normal notebook and at the top, it read Thoughts on grief By Nico Di Angelo in a really cursive a posh, looking old handwriting.

For one of their "therapy" sessions, Mr.D asks Nico to write about his grief

Tw: death/ Tw: grief

You can read it on ao3!

Nico appeared on the balcony of The Big House with a piece of paper. A crumpled piece of paper, Dionysus noticed.

“Here, what you wanted me to do,” He said leaving the paper on the table “I’m the furthest thing from a writer, so it’s just an infodump. It was the best I could do”

“It was supposed to be an info dump.” He read the first lines fast “So, after writing it do you still believe that is a, and I quote, ‘jack-ass bullshit that won’t help me on anything’ or…”

“Maybe,” The boy said looking up “Just maybe it felt better after”

“So, as usual, I was right” Mr.D sung the last bit “You can go now, kid”

Thoughts on grief: By Nico Di Angelo

I know grief. I’ve seen people grief, I’ve felt grief (More times than I’d find normal. But guess I’m not normal, none of us are). The point is, this is jack-ass bullshit that won’t help me on anything because I know grief. There’s no need for me to write it down. It’s basically studying for a test that you’re already an expert on. So, jack-ass bullshit. Also, I don’t want to revive these memories.

Mom: I was a kid; Seven I guess? I remember not understanding it at first. The lawyer said, “Maria Di Angelo had passed away yesterday afternoon”. I heard the words but they didn’t stick. Until Bianca looked at me in the eye, doing her best to not fall apart (Now, I realize it was it). She whispered in my ear with a trembling voice “Mamma è venuta a mancare” I mean, I didn’t get it. I never had any experiences with death. I heard about it on TV but it never felt real.

As the days passed, I felt weird and sad and lost. Bianca was there by my side but she also was hurt. She did her best to be with me, but of course, it wasn’t the same. She wasn’t the one that made my breakfast, the one that every morning and every night would give me a kiss on the top of my head. I missed her hug and her voice. When I had a nightmare, I wanted her by my side.

Sometimes I wonder if she would be proud of me, of who I am today, and often the answer is no. Often I picture what she would tell me, or what she would do but I don’t get an answer. I just wished I’d give her a last hug and, a last kiss on the cheek.

Bianca: All I could feel was anger. I know the first stage of grief is denial (As I said, I know that shit) but right there, all I had in mind was anger. I was angry with Percy for not saving her like he promised, as if it was his fault. I was angry at me for letting her go on that quest at all, mad at the world because she died. My sister, the only family I had left, died. It was too much, way too much. I was so angry, was feeling so much that I opened a crater on the ground to go to the underworld when I knew shit about my powers nor how to control them.

Then as time passed I obviously was still furious but I felt so much sadness. So much, I don’t even know how I passed through this. If I’m not mistaken it was around that time Minus found me and started his manipulation game. After days the constant pain became a sharp pain that came at random times of the day. Now that I actually thought about it, was every time I wasn’t necessarily distracted over anything else. This only grew the feeling of wanting her back, which led to me being more and more manipulated. I was weak fragile and vulnerable. I was hurt, young, and lost and didn’t know better.

After the war of Gaea, I asked my Father if we could make a “proper” funeral for mom and Bianca. It was, basically, putting their tombs in a cemetery in Venice. He even stayed with me for a while. More than I thought he would. It was weird and bad and felt like something settled in my chest. I never actually told this to anyone, the closest was mentioning to Will about a funeral.

Jason: I felt his death. Not that I didn’t feel my mom and sister. But back then I didn’t know what it meant. And with him, I knew. I knew he had died. I wished so hard was wrong. When I felt it, I was in the middle of a sword practice and I paralyzed. I stopped and couldn’t move. People said that I looked paler than normal (rude). As soon as I could move, again I rushed to my cabin to be alone. To know what the hell was going on, but I still couldn’t accept this.

When Apollo came to camp, he just confirmed what I knew and it hurt. Jason was the first person I actually considered as a friend besides people of my family, and one that I cared deeply about. I wanted revenge, I wanted to do something, anything. I guess I did, and I also guess it helped a little. But just a little, It didn’t matter what I did Jason wouldn’t be back. A lesson that I learned with time is that dead people stay dead, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Until this day I deal with these things, the grief of these people, and every day I remember them. Sometimes it hits bad, really bad, sometimes it’s lighter but it always eventually comes and I know by now that I’ll live with this for my entire life. And I can’t do anything about it.

Dionysus gave smiled a little at himself. He knew It would help. He liked what the boy wrote and was satisfied with the result. Nico was improving, improving a lot. It was a slow process, but that was expected. The God could even say he was proud of the son of Hades, not that he would tell anybody.

Obs: Mamma è venuta a mancare = Mum passed away

#nico di angelo #Mr.D #dionysus #maria di angelo #bianca di angelo #jason grace #solangelo #riordanverse #pjo #Percy Jackon and the Olympians #hoo #heroes of olympus #toa #trials of apollo #clara writes stuff

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titrianddevikawrite · 4 years

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Hello lovelies, here we are with a wedding to plan and celebrate. We’re going to cover the milestones (“Lovecats” and “Consequences” fit the timeline, if you want to check that out) and move towards the big day. Be prepared for some fluff and happy times!

@nuggsmum @hallotom @sinfully-lustful-darling @royallylazy @lasimo74allmyworld @ilovetardis @witkoa61 @hakimo2015 @antyc67 @wolfsmom1 @brinschk @crushed-pink-petals-writes @avenger-nerd-mom @jhangelface0523 @deathbyukmen @say-my-name-assbut @omninocte @sf0206 @hiddlepiggle @theblackthrone @honeybournehippy @muchobsessedwithpretty06 @justthelosersblog @letsgetlokid @noclevernamelbr @theduchessinme @craftynidan @bemynightmanager @inkededucatednnerdy @fairlightswiftly @okiejess1208 @ladyninasayers-ish @siochan-leat @evieplease @vertdragain @youareadistraction @patheimathos @nikkalia @thebluedreamofsky @mandapanda8 @lokilockedcougar @ms-cellanies @perfect-and-awesome @alexakeyloveloki @theheartofpenelope @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @pipolaki @winterisakiller @noplacelikehome77

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wedding Bell(e)s (A Tom/Han Collab Fic)

T minus 6 months, late May 2017

Tom frowns at his script, his brows furrowed as another sigh passes Han’s lips. She’s sitting on the other end of the couch by his feet, speaking on the phone with her mum.

Well, he suspects it’s her mum in Germany, but he doesn’t actually understand a word. At least not enough words to follow the conversation. But it doesn’t seem to be the happiest one, as now a frustrated groan leaves his fiancée’s lips.

“Weil das nun mal so ist.”* The tone in Han’s voice makes him look up at last. Her head rests behind her on the backrest, phone pressed against her ear, fingers pinching her nose.

Tom nudges her thigh with his foot, but she just slaps at it and shakes her head.

“What is it?” he whispers. She doesn’t answer. Instead she listens to the voice on the other end of the line.

“Klar will ich das. Deswegen gibt’s ja auch keinen typisch englischen Dresscode.”**

Another nudge, another slap, and Han’s voice sounding more frustrated by the second. Tom puts the script in his lap. He doesn’t like this one bit. He suspects it’s about the wedding, but shouldn’t Han sound happy about it?

“Mama,” she says. “Das soll mein Tag werden. Mein schöner Tag. Da ist mir doch egal, ob Tante Doris gerne Rotkohl isst.” She listens, groans and closes her eyes. With horror Tom notices Han’s hand begins to shake. He sits up, she ignores him. “Natürlich mag ich das auch, ich hab ja nicht gesagt, dass es keinen Rotkohl gibt. Wir wissen es nur noch nicht.” Another pause. “Weil wir noch Zeit haben, verdammt!”***

“Hey,” he whispers. Han’s up now as well, but she has her elbows on her knees and doesn’t react to Tom’s hand on her thigh. She shakes her head at him, signalling that she doesn’t need that comfort now. To hell with that.

“Mama, man muss nicht unbedingt im Sommer heiraten, das steht nirgendwo geschrieben. Und Flüge können auch im Juli ausfallen.” This pause lasts longer. “Ich will nicht mehr diskutieren. Entweder ihr steigt alle in den Flieger oder ein paar Leute bleiben halt zu Hause. Können wir das ein anderes Mal besprechen, ich muss jetzt los.”****

She hangs up and tosses her phone on the couch table. Two deep breaths and before Tom can do anything about it, Han’s up and walking out of the room without another glance.

What the heck?

(*”Well, because that’s how it is.” | ** “Of course I want that. That’s why there isn’t a typically English dress code.” | ***”This is supposed to be my day. My beautiful day. As if I care about aunt Doris liking Rotkohl... Of course I like it as well, I didn’t say there wouldn’t be any Rotkohl, just that we don’t know yet... Because there’s still time, damn it!” | ****”Mum, one doesn’t have to necessarily marry in the summertime, that’s not written anywhere. And planes get cancelled in July as well... I don’t want to discuss this anymore. Either you all get on the plane, or some of you stay at home. Can we talk about this another time, I need to go now.”)

#tom & han #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #collab fic #Wedding Bell(e)s

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yoonia · 3 years

Note

I have no idea how you do it. A whole series with different stories and timeline from one universe and each characters are so complicated, with detailed backstory and interesting storylines. needless to say, I am in love with your shifters series. I've gone back to read OB&B for the third time by the time the last chapter from BMR came out and I'm gonna re-read them again now after the hints you gave on the asks. I have a question. how did you decide the roles for each members? cont.1

Never say sorry for sending a long ask! I really enjoy talking about my writing, and long asks such as this one, especially when they talk about details, are always appreciated cause then you’ll be giving me a chance to rant about my work lol

So, a little backstory. When I first started, I originally outlined BMR as an extremely long one-shot, not as a series. But then the outline started to expand into the one we’re seeing now. At first, I pictured the series to be similar to Carousel, where I focus on one member as its main character while the rest appear as supporting characters in the story.

The reason why the members weren’t chosen as Vampires and didn’t appear at the beginning was because I had already written Taehyung as a werewolf on Fever and Rapture. It wasn’t an immediate decision of mine to connect the two universes together until I finished outlining BMR until chapter 4 where he finally met with his OC and I somehow had an idea about bringing werewolf!Taehyung into BMR while writing Rapture. and since the other members had been mentioned on Rapture, it immediately became the reason behind their roles as a part of Taehyung’s pack and their roles in the universe. As Taehyung already has his own story written separately, I figured it would only be fair to give the other members their own spotlight.

Hence, that was how the Shifters Series universe was created.

Originally, the Vampire brothers were supposed to be either EXO or Pentagon, only because I needed a group with a lot of members since they were going to be their own separate clan (The Orphans). But then when I thought about it further, I felt more connected to iKon than the other two groups since I’ve been following the boys from iKon since WIN and Mix&Match. But then when the story progresses and I decided to introduce BMR OC’s mate, I added EXO as an alliance pack (even if I had to sacrifice my bias for the sake of the story. forgive me, Kai T^T)

To answer your question, there will definitely be more groups appearing and other members popping up in future scenes. Roughly, these are the listed groups/members and their roles to appear in the Shifters Series’ universe (so far):

Vampires

Jimin + iKon (Travellers clan/The Orphans, minus Jiwon/Bobby. I’m giving him a separate role that will be revealed later, but he is also a Pure Blood Vampire)

Zico (Travellers clan, we met him in chapter 2) - I’ve had plans on adding the rest of Fanxy Child crew members as his group of rebels, but since I’ve made Dean as a werewolf in Howlin’, I’m reconsidering this. Just in case I ever decide to connect these stories together too. I chose Fanxy Child to focus on rather than Block B because I’m more connected to the members of Fanxy Child lol

Weres/Shifters

Werewolves: Namjoon, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jungkook (Wolf Moon Pack), EXO (Blue Moon Pack, we met Suho and Kai through a flashback in chapter 13. Suho and the rest of the members will return later, minus Kai)

Werebear: Seokjin (Wolf Moon Pack)

Fox Shifters: Yoongi, Stray Kids (Wolf Moon Pack)

Dragon Shifter: Wonho

Hunters

Jackson + GOT7 (the rest of the members will make an appearance later on in the final chapters)

NCT (we met Lucas early on in the cave in chapter 7 then witnessed OC and Jimin fought against Johnny and the rest in chapter 11)

Sorcerers/Wiccans

Monsta X (minus Wonho, we met Jooheon in Of Bears & Bonds. we’ll probably meet the others or at least a few of the members since I’m giving different roles for Wonho and a couple of the other members)

I’ll be switching and adding characters as I continue writing this series. The only characters that I can’t reveal for now are the Vampire Lords’ children lmao I’m keeping them until later once it’s time for them to show up in the story.

To answer your question on how I decide their roles, either than the roles I’ve given to our OT7/BTS, I just basically took their physical traits and how much connection I have with a certain member to see if I can totally put them into the role I have in mind. I am also a multifan with BTS as my ult, and I have to say that I enjoy reading stories where we get to see crossovers between kpop fandoms. It kind of helped me a lot to add these groups into the story since the universe itself requires a lot of characters to be added, and I feel that it would be way better (and more interesting) to have these Kpop boys (and girls *ahem*) as the supporting characters rather than create original characters, just to make it easier for readers to get connected with these characters and for me to put them into the scenes without forgetting their names lol

Thank you for supporting the series! Every feedback and question for the entire series are highly welcomed and appreciated 🌹

#fic talk: shifters series #blood moon rising feedback #pretty anonie #answered

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kenkamishiro · 4 years

Text

Ishida Sui’s Review of 2019

I didn’t think I’d ever finish this with my onslaught of classes including pharmacology, but I somehow managed! 6k word count, the longest TL I’ve done to date besides Parvati’s interlude for FGO. Lots of insight into Jack Jeanne’s production and what Ishida’s been up to for the past year. It was tough to translate because it was so long, but I had a lot of fun.

Let me know if there are any mistakes, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch. Have fun reading!

Original can be found here.

＊＊＊

2019. I’m reflecting on this past year while flipping through my agenda. Since I’m writing this for my sake, there’s going to be a lot of sections without much explanation.

January

○ This was when Jack Jeanne had yet to be announced, so I was mostly doing preliminary work at the time. Stuff like “BU” and “character facial expressions” will be finished some time this month, is written in my schedule book.

○ New Year’s party in Tokyo from the 16th - 19th. The New Year’s party is a joint party that’s comprised of the 4th editorial department (Shueisha’s seinen magazine branch) that’s held every year in January. I attended the party with the staff every year during serialization, minus my first year.

2019 will be the first New Year’s party since the series ended, but I thought I should stop inviting the staff to attend since we’re not working together anymore (plus it’d be a hassle), so I didn’t really invite anyone. But the day before the event, Editor M brought up the topic inside the taxi and asked, “Are none of the staff coming this year?” (Even if they’re invited now, it’s going to be impossible, asking them to fly the next day and causing a ruckus…) When I replied, “Hey, I’m sure it’d be fun if you invited them and they all came~”, the editor contacted Goubaru-kun, and after said, “He said he’s going.” Guess he wasn’t busy. In the end, the staff during serialization and several people from OB and OG came, almost identical to the lineup from previous years, and it occurred to me that maybe I should have just invited them from the start.

Anyway, at this year’s New Year’s party, I don’t really remember much of what happened. I talked with my senpais from back when I was an assistant for Kingdom, and outside the venue I sobered up from the agoraphobic dizziness I was feeling inside. At the second party I remember people talking to me haphazardly and being photographed. I wish I’d refused. Also, I was sexually harassed by Rikudou Matsubara, my senpai from the same region as me. This New Year’s party will be my last.

February

Briefing session for the game held in Tokyo. Key visual created. It says here [on the agenda] that I want to go to Kagoshima. Every week there’s a checklist for 10 km of jogging and weight training 2-3 times a week. I spent about a week doing some composition work. It ended up being helpful for me, but it made me decide not to work anymore with people with different levels of interest from me.

○ TRPG is written for the 28th. Usually we use the DX (Double Cross) system, but this time one of our participating players, M’s schedule was under mysterious attack. As game master, taking consideration of everyone who’d made time in their schedules for tonight, I thought we could switch to Cthulhu and asked them to wait an hour. 2 hours later I finished coming up with a scenario and began the session. It was fairly fun.

March

Finish BU this month, is clearly noted down. BU stands for bust-up, which are drawings of characters in standing poses [sprites] that are common in ADV games. Normally, since it takes a huge amount of work, the BU work is always divided up. The original drawings are done by the illustrator, in this case I do the base illustrations (line drawing & colouring), and using them as the base, the department sharing the work cleans up the line drawings and recolours it...that’s how the process goes. But since I’m a mangaka and don’t have the technology needed to make gaming assets, I thought it’d be best to leave it to the pros in that field, so that was how that stage proceeded. At that point in time at least.

I also had plans written down to go to Kagoshima. Looks like I didn’t go.

○ TRPG on the 25th. Player M’s schedule lined up with ours, so we played DX with 6 PL plus me as GM. We went to the aquarium, were attacked by witches, and so on.

April

Finish BU, is faintly written down. It seems like the work was more or less completed earlier this month.

○ High school friend K’s wedding on the 6th. Up until then I’d only been to two other wedding receptions. The weddings were for a different friend from high school, and Tajika-san, one of my senpais from Kingdom. This suddenly reminds me of that time at Tajika-san’s reception, when I took a super early flight because I absolutely didn’t want to be late whatsoever, but I ended up not being able to fly for about an hour and a half because of engine trouble or whatever, so I entered at almost the same time as the bride and groom during the reception…

K’s wedding was the first time in my life where I was present all the way from the wedding to the reception, but how should I put it, I was struck by a beam of light. I don’t know who he’s getting married to, I have no clue what their relationship is like. But I was somehow bombarded...by all these thoughts that became jumbled in my head, like the energy in this place, the power of their oaths, questioning what it was, how light isn’t always justice.

I got the feeling that this was what proper, respectable humans take part in, but since I'm fine with not being a proper, respectable human, I decided to not do anything other than what my heart desires.

I'm definitely not good with places where I’m in the spotlight. But congratulations.

○ “Play Sekiro” is strongly noted down. Thank you for supporting me in the first half of 2019.

○ TRPG for the 29th - 30th. DX. Player M’s character dies.

May - June

My schedule book is starting to look more scattered now. On the other hand, since I’ve got a good memory of this time, I can write while recalling the events.

○ I did the covers for the Touken stage play book.

I drew the cover illustrations for the Touken [Ranbu] stage play that Mikasano-san, who I’m grateful to for his work on the anime and movie scripts for TG, worked on. In my mind, it feels like I'm watching the back of who I'd consider my older brother in the creative world, or a fellow comrade on another battlefield fighting to the death. I think it came out quite charmingly, so I’ll include the links for now. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3

During this time of work for Jack Jeanne, I was working on “model sheets”. Blueprints for the characters’ attire, not just from the front but also the internal structure.

Unlike most other games, Jack Jeanne has “performance costumes” in addition to normal attire. Because of its “revue” theme, costumes that will be worn onstage needed to be prepared. I was shocked when I suddenly admitted that I needed model sheets for 5 different performances (spring, summer, fall, winter, final) for the 6 main characters, making 30 designs in total.

Back in the TG era, these kind of drawings that I just explained, or drawings that needed a lot of layers, were a pain in the ass. Plus I wasn’t good at them, so I thought that I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life if possible. But it seems like I have to do this myself. With a sense of determination, I decided to work solely on this for all of May. At the same time, I made nothing but curry for all my meals. There’s no deep reason behind it, but my aim was to kinda boost my ability to concentrate daily by choosing to be decisive in that action.

○ Working on model sheets It came with an unintended effect. Because I spent a month on work that required balance and consistency, my right-left checking skills got better, and completely unrelated, I improved in drawing perfect copies. The design work for the model sheets itself became really fun to do, starting around when I became obsessed with the scarf design (sumo wrestler drawing) I definitely couldn’t use for Neji’s summer costume. I discovered that it’s precisely because I’m not good at this that my labour bore fruit. I feel like this was my experience for the latter half of the year.

July

The cast members were chosen. Unlike TG, there are 6 people + 1 person who can be referred to as the main character, so it was interesting to have a cast with some breadth.

Seems like lyrical work was the main thing I worked on.

Lyrical work. In Jack Jeanne, each performance contains several songs to sing and dance to, so each one is supposed to be sung. ...hence the lyrics.

The topic of what to do with the lyrics was brought up in November 2018. What happens typically is that, let’s say there’s singing in an idol game, then a company that specializes in it is asked to produce the songs. Even for Jack Jeanne, there were several candidates I could pick and choose from. But after a quick look-through, frankly speaking, they all looked the same to me. There’s one person that’s good, it’d be great if we could get them...is what I thought, but, “Even though I don’t have the skills, I’m the one who understands this world the best,” crossed my mind. ...should I try? I tried it. To be honest, I was super embarrassed since it’d be seen by a lot of people, but it evolved into, “Who cares if you’re doing it?” And so Jack Jeanne’s lyrics were tasked to me.

I mentioned this earlier, but there are multiple songs for each performance. So if you combine those plus the opening and ending songs, that makes 17 songs in total. Lyrics for 17 songs that I’m fully responsible for. What the hell...am I doing? Maybe it was from that moment that I started losing it.

Including the lyrics that I’d been working on bit by bit every month, the remaining ones were finished in one go this July. By the time I finished everything, my current state was, “Give me more songs...let me write more lyrics!” But it wasn’t over just yet.

August

Every time I meet someone I tell this story. I’m thinking of keeping it up. Here I am, relieved to have finished the lyrics, when a message pops up on the Skype group chat. It’s from Yamashita Daisuke of Broccoli.

To briefly touch upon Yamashita Daisuke, he is a young man who’s been involved with this project since October of 2018, and a poor soul who was tasked with conducting very important meetings on his third day of working at the company.

The producer from Broccoli was going on maternity leave, so he was scouted as her replacement. As an aside, if I have to be honest, the exchanges between me and Towada-san, and Broccoli’s Jack Jeanne team up until then were quite frustrating. “How about doing it like this?” they would counter. And we’d respond with something like, “This part is going to be developed later on, and since this will become foreshadowing for the entirety of the story, it can’t be modified that easily.” This kind of situation, having to explain everything in detail one by one, going 3 steps forward and being held 2 steps back, had been going on for about 3 years, so the two of us would often whine about it over drinks, going, “When should we quit, this is ridiculous,” etc.

Finally when things began going more smoothly, the producer who was leading the project took her leave, so I wondered if we’d be able to get along with Yamashita Daisuke, but he was, how should I put it, very diligent. For the last year I've been working with people who don’t put in their best effort, so I was very hopeful and thankful to him.

But I digress. This was the gist of the message that Daisuke sent.

“Kosemura-san’s who’s in charge of musical composition wants ‘scratch vocal tracks’ for when the singers are recording.” “Does Ishida-sensei happen to know anyone he could ask for this favour?” “I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you!” “Frankly speaking, it’s okay even if they’re bad.”

Huh. Well, as you might have already guessed, even with the lyrics, it’s impossible to really understand the song at first sight without knowing what kind of rhythm, what kind of emotions are being expressed in the bar measure. Of course we’d need ‘scratch vocal tracks’ to explain the general feeling of the song.

Now, what Daisuke said was, “Do you have anyone you can ask? It’s okay even if they’re bad. Or even you can do it.” But if I found a “it’s okay even if they’re bad” kind of person, we’d still have to show them how to sing it and explain how the rhythm goes. Daisuke already knew which was probably why he asked for the favour. “The person writing the lyrics would be able to make the scratch vocal tracks the fastest.” ...come to think of it, the demo songs that Kunimitsu sent me every time that were sung using Vocaloid, weren’t they also scratch vocal tracks?

Daisuke must have been in a pinch trying to figure out how he should ask me candidly. Ishida-sensei, I couldn’t just ask you to sing it, so I had to ask in a roundabout manner.

I’d already given my answer, but I was still hesitant. It’s true that after I finished writing the lyrics for the 17 songs I’d already lost sight of myself, but if I sang, my singing would reach Broccoli and Kosemura-san’s team’s ears. But I couldn’t just leave poor Daisuke hanging.

So I consult Towada-shi, whom I’d been collaborating with in creating the scripts for Jack Jeanne, for advice. (He had been in charge of TG’s novels, and I’ve known him for a long time.) “Did you check Skype?” “I did.” “What do you think?” “Start by looking up scratch vocal tracks,” so we paid a visit to YouTube. The first search result that came up for ‘scratch vocal track’ was a video of a vocalist who was used to sing a scratch track for AKB or something. I see, so that’s what it looks like. Innocuous, but I could see it was very professionally done.

And the second result that came up was Tsunku♂-shi. The figure of Tsunku♂-shi himself recording a scratch track for his idols. The producer himself became an idol, and was singing really cutely, in his emotions and how he sang it. “This is it?” I said. “Yeah, it is,” Towada-shi agreed. If Kosemura-san and his team, and the people who will be performing the songs have to listen to it, it’d be a disservice to them to half-ass it. I don’t like people who don’t try their best. That means I have to show that attitude myself. Let’s come out of my shell for poor Daisuke as well.

“You’re gonna become Tsunku♂.” “Yeah...I’m gonna be Tsunku♂!” And that was how I became Tsunku♂.

I replied to Daisuke on the Skype group chat. “Understood, I’ll do what I can.”

So this guy, who doesn’t even know what the ‘D’ in DTM stands for, first downloads the software, and begins setting up a recording environment. Other work is pushed aside. I set 3 days to work on this.

I timidly begin working on the scratch tracks. From the perspective of someone who doesn’t have to listen to their singing for a living, it starts out as a living hell, but you get used to it as you listen to it over and over.

And so I kept learning new things. I noticed I was harmonizing with myself.

Just like Tsunku♂-shi, I’d change the voice for each character. If it was Jack (male in a male role) I’d sing like a man, and if it was Jeanne (male in a female role), then like a woman, while the main character Kisa (female) should sound cute... No, Kisa needs to be cuter! I re-recorded her part many times. Depending on the song, I’d sing for 7 people. I was Jack Jeanne now.

Tsunku♂ (I) recorded 17 songs in 3 days, and sent the data first to Towada-shi. Since I was now Tsunku♂, I no longer felt any sense of embarrassment.

“I listened to it,” the reply came, and I called him. Towada-shi was roaring with laughter. I regained the embarrassment I’d forgotten.

“Oh no, I was laughing ‘cause I was impressed,” he said, but my heart was already as fragile as that of an abandoned dog.

“Even this is a big help to Kosemura-san, and Daisuke should be grateful, right?” Yeah. Although Towada-shi guffawed at me, Daisuke will surely thank me. And then he’ll definitely tell me what a good job I did!

I dumped the music into the Skype group chat. “I did what I could,” I added.

How will Daisuke react to my Tsunku♂? I waited restlessly. Three days later on August 5th, a formal message arrived after it was received.

“Thank you very much. We will schedule a meeting with Kosemura-san…”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My hard work got dismissed with, “Thank you very much.”

Daisuke, why? I thought you were in a pinch, so I...were...were you fooling with me from the start? Answer me! Daisuke! Just tell me I did a good job, or follow up with something, I’m fine with anything! So much for my heart being like an abandoned dog, it’s more like a grown-ass man left naked on a snowy mountain. I did what I could! This feeling was welling up inside me, but was it myself that managed to do it?

○ Later, at a meeting with Kosemura-san “It’s great that you could do this much for us. You didn’t have to do all that.” With the gist of those words, a warm blanket was finally placed over my heart, which had almost frozen to death.

“I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if Sensei was the most who did it in the first place,” Daisuke said, so I decided to satisfy myself by threatening, “I’m gonna tell this story until the day I die.”

September

○ Responses to the Questions to Ishida Sui contest We did a “Ask anything to Ishida Sui” contest as a project for the art book “zakki:re”, where purchasers could apply with a postcard. I was writing the replies for them.

I thought there’d be a lot more questions about TG or its contents, but surprisingly there were a lot of questions asking for life advice. There were quite a few questions that I had to seriously think about to answer.

It was kinda tough since there were over a hundred of them, but I thought it’d be nice to get in touch like this every once in a while.

○ BU work for Jack Jeanne Once the music-related tasks like lyrical composition and scratch vocal tracks were completed, I worked on BU. ...BU work? Wasn’t it finished back in April?

Well, a similar situation arose just like what happened with the lyrics. Regarding sprite quality I might not be able to beat the pros, but since I’m the one who best understands how the characters look best and their body balance, I had decided to do all the line drawing colouring myself in June. I had no clue whether I’d make the deadline or maintain the quality, but thanks to Broccoli’s understanding, I was allowed to make it myself.

I realized once again that I’m terrible at splitting up work. If I can do it by myself, I will.

Plus, it’s, how should I put it, starting from my TG days, even though it wasn’t a lot I got to see various types of workplaces. I’d see places where there was no sense of responsibility whatsoever, or the work may have been divvied up appropriately, but it felt like they were making something without a sense of purpose, like a main plot line that isn’t going anywhere.

It’s impossible to accomplish big things with that kind of stance, and I understand that the more people that intervene, the more uncertain the core becomes, so I didn’t like that kind of approach. It makes me wonder whether there’s any meaning in creating a work that’s conservative and unchallenged, and if it’s nothing more than a money grab.

Since I don’t have any desire for material things, getting fed up about it is useless, but I just can’t help thinking about it.

Of course, it may be difficult to get what I want 100% of the time, but I want to create things in an environment that I think is beautiful, even in places that I’m slightly involved in.

...in other words, BU work is tough, but I began remaking the sprites once again by myself. This was the toughest work I’ve ever done out of everything, including the serialization...

○ Scratch vocals training camp at the end of September I went to the recording for the scratch vocal tracks. Based on the scratch tracks that I made, we got professional vocalists to sing it again properly. This is what the actual cast would use as a reference to sing. (So my version was like the pre-scratch vocal track.)

I was stuck in Tokyo for almost a week. Wake up, get ready, go to the recording studio. Come back at 8 or 9 pm, rest and sleep, repeat.

It was like I was back in school, and since I don’t have a steady lifestyle, I enjoyed it.

Kosemura-san’s team is really great, and I know I mentioned this before, but I felt like their workplace was a very healthy production site. When I was drawing manga, I never had much time to talk with fellow manga artists, and I’ve never had the chance to experience what other professionals’ workplaces were like, so it was very exciting for me to see people as professionals tackle one thing seriously. The vocalists were as amazing as I expected, and although my scratch tracks were played at a loud volume to annoy me, I had a great time.

The game might have a high level of entry, but it’s worth listening to just for the songs, is what I truly thought.

○ Parting words to Editor M-shi This might have been back in August, but from 2018 to 2019 I had a lot of things on my mind, so I began talking to the editor.

In between the 11 years of serialization starting from my rookie days, I’d received guidance from him so it wasn’t easy, but I expressed to him that we should keep our distance for any future works.

“I want to become absorbed in myself, not to Ishida Sui or Tokyo Ghoul,” I told him. The other part said he also felt the same way, and accepted it. The next time we meet, I hope we can talk about what we’re into, what we’re going crazy over, he said.

And so, 2 months after that conversation was the scratch vocals training camp in Tokyo, and I had the chance for the two of us to talk again. That day I was completely tuckered out from recording the scratch track, but it was a day filled with accomplishments.

He took me to a restaurant with delicious food in Ebisu or somewhere, and after concluding our brief business meeting, I tried throwing out the cliched, “So, what are you up to lately?” As the lead writer, there was a part of me that was curious about how he was doing after that talk we had.

The editor began talking about homemade curry.

...that’s what he’s into? I decide everything from selecting and picking the ingredients myself, and next time I want Ishida-kun to also see how delicious the curry is...he told me passionately, but how should I put it, the conversation wasn’t very spicy.

The food was delicious.

October

○ BU work

What’s hard about BU work is that it’s difficult to separate the layers according to the face, hair and clothes, and they all have to have the same style and touch to it. If it was manga, then maybe...no, even in manga, there’s still some need to match the outfits, but it doesn’t really matter to that extent.

It’s because I don’t like game sprites. “This character has so much energy from their sideways pose! Amazing!” This never happens…

Around this time of the year, my older sister called this elaborate task, “the task you’re probably the worst at.”

○ The bean life I’m not really fat in particular, but I made up my mind to try dieting. At the time, my body fat percentage was at 18%, and I’ve never been below 10% ever in my entire life, so I’m thinking of aiming for that. Instead of eating rice with unseasoned chickpeas and black soybeans, I began my lifestyle of consuming vegetables and cuts of meat with less fat. Hopefully I can achieve my goal in about six months’ time.

○ Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke, and I After Ano-chan left “You’ll Melt More!”, her official Twitter account removed every single account she was following, but for some reason only two people remained. Those two people were Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui. To Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui belonged in the same category. After some time passed, even we were removed, but I consider this one of my hottest mysteries of 2019. Ano-chan! I’ll always be waiting, so let’s have tea some time with Honda Keisuke!

November

○ BU Need I say more.

○ Main cast’s first recording session from the 26th - 27th.

I visited Tokyo with Towada-shi to supervise the main cast members’ recording session. Wow, everyone was so amazing~

Of course, not just the main characters. Terasaki Yuka-san who plays the main character, Tachibana Kisa, was wonderful as well.

In this kind of game genre, the position as the main character feels less important than the male characters, but I want her to stand firmly in this story’s script. I thought it’d be nice to have the main character not stand out too much and have her watch over the male characters, and I felt that Terasaki-san’s voice and acting fit that image perfectly.

About the cast members, it seems like there’ll be a chance to speak to them eventually, so I’ll come back again.

○ 1 month into the bean life I’m steadily losing weight. Basically I always work from home. I go to the gym and supermarket 2-3 times a week. I started cooking for myself. I got a brand new refrigerator to replace the one that suddenly broke. It actually cools things down now. Living standards have risen.

December

○ I break off ties with M who I played TRPG together with. He was a former classmate who was even chief assistant at some point during the series’ run, but eventually he ended up getting fired due to falling asleep at work. He said he’d attend the last session for the story that day (although his own character had already died), and I was working on a schedule to accommodate him, but once again he cancelled at the last minute.

It’s fine to cause trouble for me (although I’ll probably get pissed), but I can’t overlook treating others the same way. And it’s not the fact that his schedule didn’t match up, it’s because he was complete trash who didn’t know how to behave like an adult once he made plans with others, that I felt sorry for the other TRPG people who took time out of their schedules. Since I felt ashamed when I was together with him, I decided I’d had enough.

This was a year where I cut ties with a lot of people, but I think what they had in common was that I was ashamed to be with them. From now on, I don’t want to associate with such people.

What’s more, when I finally told him, he didn’t even try to deal with it and just gave up, responding, “So that’s how you felt about me. Okay. My bad.”

I won’t go anywhere with those kind of people again.

○ The bean life ⇒ the potato life. I changed it to potatoes.

○ BU is over...

On December 17th, I finally finished the BU work that I spent ageeeeeeeees on.

Although I said that serialization is tough, as long as I finished 18 pages a week that was it (although there were times where I was chasing myself with other work), so I could finish it as long as I didn’t sleep. I somehow managed to finish both the manuscripts and the colour illustrations this way, so expecting BU to be similar, I wasn’t really scared about it never ending, but BU truly was despair. When is this gonna end? I’m even working super hard… This is how it went on the entire time for over a month.

There were about 200 different sprites I had to make myself, including the different costumes and poses, and I had to do all of them.

For one thing, when, “This process is necessary,” came out, I had to go through the same process roughly 200 times, that it felt like I was facing the final boss who already transformed many times. Also, it’s like not equipping myself with a lot of equipment and recovery items in the previous town, but the dungeon I somehow managed to enter is extremely dangerous and even though there’s no safe points anywhere in sight, the boss suddenly comes up behind you, and you go I’m gonna die I’m gonna die

○ If you eat a lot while you’re losing weight, you’re going to have a bad time.

On December 15th I had trouble concentrating, so I tidied up the living room, created a space in the middle of the room, and darkened the lights. After an hour of meditating, only the sound of my breathing could be heard in the room, and so I went back to work with renewed concentration after confronting the issue (like a monk?).

On December 16th, I’ve been working the entire time since morning. I thought today was going to be the last day, but an entire day has passed and I don’t have any energy...

I’ll buy a midnight snack, replenish my energy, and end it once and for all. I’m trying to lose weight, but I went to the convenience store while thinking about how I’m gonna eat a katsu sandwich (I didn’t have the energy to cook).

While looking for something at a convenience store I can eat during weight loss, I think back over the last few months.

Like how it seems like BU is finally over, how a lot of things have happened, how I’m working hard, how lately I’ve been eating only potatoes, vegetables and meat.

And then I suddenly thought, “I wonder if the reason I don’t have any energy is because I haven’t had any rice lately.”

...I thought I should go on a diet in October, so I’ve been living a very modest life since then. Thanks to that, my weight has steadily decreased, and my body fat percentage has gone down 3% to 15%. What will happen if I continue with my relatively strict dietary restrictions during this difficult time?

...even if you’re losing weight, there’s a technique you can set up to binge eat during periods where weight loss stagnates, called cheat day (though results may vary), but what is it that makes no-cheating so inefficient even for weight loss?

...should I have a cheat day today?

“Huh, is it really okay?” I asked my mind. “Do it!” was the answer I got. From that moment, everything around me morphed into things I could eat.

No exaggeration, my knees trembled.

I crammed into my shopping basket carbohydrates, carbs, more carbs… It’s okay just for today, I say as I shove cream puffs, dorayaki, pudding, Family Mart chicken and ice cream. (Even if it's a cheat day, it’s probably not a good idea to take non-nutritional foods, but shh.)

With food in both hands and in high spirits, the first thing I ate was the delicious part of the Family Mart chicken.

I groaned loudly, all alone in the room.

Alright, let’s finish this work! I was energized, but my blood sugar levels spiked so much that I felt extremely sleepy and went to bed instead.

The next day on the 17th, I wake up at 4 am and immediately notice something unusual. My body is burning. I’m sweating.

I immediately wake up, and overflowing with energy, I head for my desk. I’m working actively, and I finish the BU work. It felt like I was pushing forward with only positive energy, feeling uplifted.

I break out a laugh at a slight joke I found funny from a foreign drama (The Mentalist) I’m playing while working. The greenery of the plants and the lighted sink glisten, and the scenery is vivid.

What is this?

I suddenly recall the story of a YouTuber I saw recently. He lives in a region where medical marijuana is legalized, and he explained in detail what changes would occur if you smoked cannabis.

To put it roughly, you feel calm and your senses sharpen. Trivial things can become funny, and funny videos can make you roar with laughter.

Then maybe...I thought, I'll watch Nagareboshi (a comedy duo) on YouTube. Usually I go, haha, that's funny! But that day I exploded with laughter...all of their videos were just too funny.

I learned that when you’re losing weight and suddenly eat a lot, it alters your mind and body as if you smoked cannabis. (※ Just to be clear, I don’t know what cannabis is like.)

Thus the BU work ended with me being high as a kite.

(※ I’m covering it with mosaics for now. I’ll remove it once I can announce it.)

○ I stopped playing TRPGs. I’ve been doing it for about two and a half years, but it also helped me in honing my creative skills. I’d sometimes perform, so it was useful when I was recording the scratch vocals… It was a good experience, managing to vicariously live the energy of ending a story. It was a story about a group of friends, so it was easy to appreciate.

Summing up 2019

After the weekly series finished in 2018, I was in a daze for a few months, but in 2019 I worked only on Jack Jeanne for the year.

This year I tried various things, and trite as it may seem, felt the possibilities within myself expanding. I had many opportunities to realize how important it is to keep a distance from bad things that don’t do anything for me.

During my work on Jack Jeanne, I vaguely thought about my future creations. The work I’m doing now in game production is fun so I wonder if I can keep working in this field, but I’d also like an environment where I can release things more constantly.

I can’t promise anything specific, but I’m going to work on things that I want to do.

I look forward to what 2020 has to offer. Have a happy New Year.

2019.12.31 Ishida Sui

#Jack Jeanne #Ishida Sui #Translations #my translations #time to hibernate

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