#mr. smith and philip | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mr-smith-stories · 2 years

Text

Mr. Smith #15: Mr. Smith Becomes A Professor

Mr. Smith sat back in his chair on a warm September morning, the first day of the autumn semester. The leaves had not started to fall from the trees, and as Mr. Smith peered out his window he could see Greenbirds hopping around on the field by the lake. Mr. Smith sighed, wishing desperately that he could pet those Greenbirds, which for some reason always flew away. Besides, he had an important job to do- today was his first day as a professor, teaching Child Psychology to a bunch of pretentious stuck up nerds and his friends, who he had blackmailed into joining the class.

Mr. Smith smiled to himself as students began to enter the class and take their seats. Mr. Smith’s friends all sat down next to Mr. Smith’s desk. Mr. Smith stood up, turning on his computer with the syllabus displayed on the screen. It was five minutes until the class began, but Mr. Smith figured it was time to start. “Hello, class. Welcome to Child Psychology. My name is Mr. Smith, but you must call me -“ Mr. Smith paused upon seeing who entered the classroom. He gasped. “YOU! The gay geniuses! Oh no! What do I do? I have to teach a class and now you’re going to make me look STUPID!”

Leo and Ritchie groaned while Alex held back a laugh. “We’re in class with YOU? Oh dear lord. This is going to be a long semester, unless of course you inevitably quit your job once you remember that we’re smarter than you,” Leo said.

“Now you listen here, devil spawn! I’M the genius here! You’d better RESPECT me, or you’ll be forced to leave this class!” Mr. Smith stamped his foot.

“Shouldn’t you be teaching instead of arguing with us?” Asked Ritchie.

Mr. Smith gasped. “You’re right! Oh no! Um, welcome to Child Psychology class. My name is Mr. Smith, but that’s Dr. Smith to you, because I have recently gotten my PhD in psychology, which is why I’M the genius here, and all of you stuck up intellectual rich brats had better not forget it!”

“Did you just insult the entire class?” Alex asked.

“People insult me all the time!” Amy said. “When I was working at Target, I kept forgetting what to type into the cash register, even though what they bought was right in front of me, and people would tell me I wasn’t qualified to work there. It was so annoying!”

“That is annoying! When I worked at Target, I would lose the stuff people bought right after they gave it to me, and spend twenty minutes looking for their purchases when I had put them under the cash register. People talked to my manager and I got fired. It was a-nnoying!” Susan replied.

“Oh my God, that’s so relatable!” Amy high fived Susan, who sat next to her.

“They fired you?!” Frankie asked, alarmed. “What a cruel world for the working class! America is supposed to be land of the free and home of the brave! How villainous your boss must have been! To leave you out on the street like that!”

“Actually, I was living with my parents still, I was sixteen-“ Susan began.

“Oh, you were but a little sixteen year old girl! A child! How sadistic the system is to children! Poor, hard working children slaving away for hours at a cash register! It’s back to the Industrial Revolution! These are tough times for us all! Poor, young, naive, innocent Susan! A victim of the rich liberal elite!” Bob began to sob.

“I hate the rich liberal elite. They refuse to acknowledge hard working kitty cats and how we contribute to society as a whole! Cats should have equal rights with humans! I want a cat to be president one day!” Kitty yelled.

“I want to see a trans person in office one day,” Alex said.

“A trans person?! A cat would make a better president than a trans person! Trans people are delusional!” Kitty paused. “Oh, look at the clock. It’s time for my nap. Cats sleep multiple hours a day, you know.” Kitty laid his head down, closed his eyes and began to meow softly.

“Please, TEACH the class, Mr. Smith.” Ritchie groaned.

“Yes, let’s try not to make this as painful as possible,” Leo remarked.

“That’s DR. Smith to you!” Mr. Smith pounded his fist on the white board.

“Oh yeah?” Ritchie snorted. “What was your dissertation on?”

Mr. Smith began to gesture with his hands and mouth words no one could hear. “Is a dissertation a type of dessert?”

“No. Oh my God!” Leo facepalmed.

“What is your PhD in?” Asked Ritchie.

“I studied genius IQ in children at the puppy farm! Did you know children from the puppy farm have more consistent scores on standardized tests?” Mr. Smith asked.

“Do you mean they all fail?” Asked Leo.

“Yes! Because their minds are pure with the beautiful, creative freedom of thought taught at the puppy farm! These children know all about Greenbirds and Oak Trees, but these tests simply don’t know how to measure intellect. If they did, why do all these geniuses score so low?” Mr. Smith scratched his head.

“Jesus Christ,” Swore Leo.

“Just get on with reading the syllabus.” Ritchie sighed.

“Ok, devil spawn,” Mr. Smith said. “First, there are no tests. You will instead be asked to prove your genius level intellect at the end of the semester by playing a game of Jenga against me. If you lose, you’re obviously not a genius and you fail automatically. If you refuse, you fail again.”

“That’s not very fair-“ Ritchie began.

“Shut up devil spawn! I’m the genius here! I know what I’m doing!” Mr. Smith threw a marker from the board on the ground.

“You’re such a cute professor,” Said Philip. “I’ve never had a professor as handsome as you.” Philip smiled in a daze, then snapped to attention. “But no homo, right?”

Mr. Smith sighed. “You’re cute too. No homo.”

“You can’t flirt with the students, that’s completely inappropriate!” Alex said.

“What does the word, “flirt” mean?” Asked Mr. Smith.

“I think it means that thing on a male’s neck that moves when you talk.” Philip said.

“You’re such a genius, Philip. You’re almost as much of a genius as me,” Mr. Smith said. “Anyway, there are no assignments, except one quiz. The quiz is just, ‘True or False: Mr. Smith is the smartest person to ever live.’ If you answer differently than how I want, you fail.

“Next on the syllabus is attendance. If you don’t constantly remind me that I’m smarter than you, I will count it against your class participation and attendance and you will fail. Writing this was a lot of work, so that is the end of my syllabus. Now we will move on to lecturing.” Mr. Smith pressed a button and began his slides.

“Now, before we begin, let’s establish some background knowledge. Does everyone know what a child is?” Mr. Smith addressed the class.

“Are you kidding me? This is Child Psychology. Of course we know what a child is!” Leo exclaimed furiously.

“Well, as your professor, I have to account for the fact that most of you did not attend the school of the puppy farm, and are wherefore not as educated as me. And that some of you are level 10 or 50 IQ.” Mr. Smith said smugly.

“For the last time, I am obviously not a level 10 IQ, and Ritchie is obviously not a level 50 IQ! We are both geniuses and you are just jealous of us!” Leo snapped.

Mr. Smith scatched his chin, then began to gesture with his hands and mouth things. “I didn’t have any jello with the sandwich Mom packed me today.”

“That’s not what jealous means!” Leo snapped.

“Shut up and let me lecture, devil spawn, or I will give you a Detention!” Mr. Smith stamped his foot.

“This is college, you can’t give me a detention-“ Leo began.

“Shh!” Mr. Smith shushed him. “Let’s discuss the maturity of children. Despite common miscontraceptions, children are very mature. I know this because people are always comparing me to a very young child, and I’m very mature. Children must wherefore be very mature and geniuses, and lose their genius intelligence as they get older, except me because I have 1 million level IQ.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Said Leo. “You’re not qualified to teach us anything! That’s it! I’m walking out! Who’s with me?”

Ritchie and Alex got up to leave, followed by several other students. Mr. Smith yelled, “Wait! Don’t go!” More students got up to leave, so Mr. Smith became enraged. He ran to his desk, picked up his computer monitor and chucked it out the window. “Whole lot of good you did me!” Then he picked up one of the student’s backpacks and threw it across the room. Then he tipped his desk over and dumped water all over his computer, and chucked that out the window for good measure. As more students began to leave, Mr. Smith ran to the whiteboard and began to pound on the white board while yelling, until finally everyone was gone, including his friends who thought it would be funny to leave and make Mr. Smith angry.

Mr. Smith ran out into the hallway. “That’s IT! I’ve had it with you gay geniuses! I quit! I’ll never teach ever again!” Then he called the dean and quit his job, which he had only gotten because the dean had eaten yet another apology pot brownie from Mr. Smith’s father.

Fin.

***

#that moment of horror when you realize mr. smith is your child psych professor #that syllabus though #three setences long #must be a record #leo is so iconic when he leads the class in walking out uwu #that iconic ritchie moment when he asks mr. smith what his dissertation was even on #we love to see it #two adorable gay geniuses #original story #silly story #ridiculous story #amy and susan #mr. smith and philip #philip and simon #bob and frankie #kitty #cute gay couple #fictional gay couple #fiction

0 notes

denimbex1986 · 1 month

Text

'Is Tom Ripley gay? For nearly 70 years, the answer has bedeviled readers of Patricia Highsmith’s 1955 thriller The Talented Mr. Ripley, the story of a diffident but ambitious young man who slides into and then brutally ends the life of a wealthy American expatriate, as well as the four sequels she produced fitfully over the following 36 years. It has challenged the directors — French, British, German, Italian, Canadian, American — who have tried to bring Ripley to the screen, including in the latest adaptation by Steven Zaillian, now on Netflix. And it appears even to have flummoxed Ripley’s creator, a lesbian with a complicated relationship to queer sexuality. In a 1988 interview, shortly before she undertook writing the final installment of the series, Ripley Under Water, Highsmith seemed determined to dismiss the possibility. “I don’t think Ripley is gay,” she said — “adamantly,” in the characterization of her interviewer. “He appreciates good looks in other men, that’s true. But he’s married in later books. I’m not saying he’s very strong in the sex department. But he makes it in bed with his wife.”

The question isn’t a minor one. Ripley’s killing of Dickie Greenleaf — the most complicated, and because it’s so murkily motivated, the most deeply rattling of the many murders the character eventually commits — has always felt intertwined with his sexuality. Does Tom kill Dickie because he wants to be Dickie, because he wants what Dickie has, because he loves Dickie, because he knows what Dickie thinks of him, or because he can’t bear the fact that Dickie doesn’t love him? Ordinarily, I’m not a big fan of completely ignoring authorial intent, and I’m inclined to let novelists have the last word on factual information about their own creations. But Highsmith, a cantankerous alcoholic misanthrope who was long past her best days when she made that statement, may have forgotten, or wanted to disown, her own initial portrait of Tom Ripley, which is — especially considering the time in which it was written — perfumed with unmistakable implication.

Consider the case that Highsmith puts forward in The Talented Mr. Ripley. Tom, a single man, lives a hand-to-mouth existence in New York with a male roommate who is, ahem, a window dresser. Before that, he lived with an older man with some money and a controlling streak, a sugar daddy he contemptuously describes as “an old maid”; Tom still has the key to his apartment. Most of his social circle — the names he tosses around when introducing himself to Dickie — are gay men. The aunt who raised him, he bitterly recalls, once said of him, “Sissy! He’s a sissy from the ground up. Just like his father!” Tom, who compulsively rehearses his public interactions and just as compulsively relives his public humiliations, recalls a particularly stinging moment when he was shamed by a friend for a practiced line he liked to use repeatedly at parties: “I can’t make up my mind whether I like men or women, so I’m thinking of giving them both up.” It has “always been good for a laugh, the way he delivered it,” he thinks, while admitting to himself that “there was a lot of truth in it.” Fortunately, Tom has another go-to party trick. Still nurturing vague fantasies of becoming an actor, he knows how to delight a small room with a set of monologues he’s contrived. All of his signature characters are, by the way, women.

This was an extremely specific set of ornamentations for a male character in 1955, a time when homosexuality was beginning to show up with some frequency in novels but almost always as a central problem, menace, or tragedy rather than an incidental characteristic. And it culminates in a gruesome scene that Zaillian’s Ripley replicates to the last detail in the second of its eight episodes: The moment when Dickie, the louche playboy whose luxe permanent-vacation life in the Italian coastal town of Atrani with his girlfriend, Marge, has been infiltrated by Tom, discovers Tom alone in his bedroom, imitating him while dressed in his clothes. It is, in both Highsmith’s and Zaillian’s tellings, as mortifying for Tom as being caught in drag, because essentially it is drag but drag without exaggeration or wit, drag that is simply suffused with a desire either to become or to possess the object of one’s envy and adoration. It repulses Dickie, who takes it as a sexual threat and warns Tom, “I’m not queer,” then adds, lashingly, “Marge thinks you are.” In the novel, Tom reacts by going pale. He hotly denies it but not before feeling faint. “Nobody had ever said it outright to him,” Highsmith writes, “not in this way.” Not a single gay reader in the mid-1950s would have failed to recognize this as the dread of being found out, quickly disguised as the indignity of being misunderstood.

And it seemed to frighten Highsmith herself. In the second novel, Ripley Under Ground, published 15 years later, she backed away from her conception of Tom, leaping several years forward and turning him into a soigné country gentleman living a placid, idyllic life in France with an oblivious wife. None of the sequels approach the cold, challenging terror of the first novel — a challenge that has been met in different ways, each appropriate to their era, by the three filmmakers who have taken on The Talented Mr. Ripley. Zaillian’s ice-cold, diamond-hard Ripley just happens to be the first to deliver a full and uncompromising depiction of one of the most unnerving characters in American crime fiction.

The first Ripley adaptation, René Clément’s French-language drama Purple Noon, is much beloved for its sun-saturated atmosphere of endless indolence and for the tone of alienated ennui that anticipated much of the decade to come; the movie was also a showcase for its Ripley, the preposterously sexy, maddeningly aloof Alain Delon. And therein lies the problem: A Ripley who is preposterously sexy is not a Ripley who has ever had to deal with soul-deep humiliation, and a Ripley who is maddeningly aloof is not going to be able to worm his way into anyone’s life. Purple Noon is not especially willing (or able — it was released in 1960) to explore Ripley’s possible homosexuality. Though the movie itself suggests that no man or woman could fail to find him alluring, what we get with Delon is, in a way, a less complex character type, a gorgeous and magnetic smooth criminal who, as if even France had to succumb to the hoariest dictates of the Hollywood Production Code, gets the punishment due to him by the closing credits. It’s delectable daylit noir, but nothing unsettling lingers.

Anthony Minghella’s The Talented Mr. Ripley, released in 1999, is far better; it couldn’t be more different from the current Ripley, but it’s a legitimate reading that proves that Highsmith’s novel is complex and elastic enough to accommodate wildly varying interpretations. A committed Matt Damon makes a startlingly fine Tom Ripley, ingratiating and appealing but always just slightly inept or needy or wrong; Jude Law — peak Jude Law — is such an effortless golden boy that he manages the necessary task of making Damon’s Tom seem a bit dim and dull; and acting-era Gwyneth Paltrow is a spirited and touchingly vulnerable Marge.

Minghella grapples with Tom’s sexual orientation in an intelligently progressive-circa-1999 way; he assumes that Highsmith would have made Tom overtly gay if the culture of 1955 had allowed it, and he runs all the way with the idea. He gives us a Tom Ripley who is clearly, if not in love with Dickie, wildly destabilized by his attraction to him. And in a giant departure from the novel, he elevates a character Highsmith had barely developed, Peter Smith-Kingsley (played by Jack Davenport) into a major one, a man with whom we’re given to understand that Ripley, with two murders behind him and now embarking on a comfortable and well-funded European life, has fallen in love. It doesn’t end well for either of them. A heartsick Tom eventually kills Peter, too, rather than risk discovery — it’s his third murder, one more than in the novel — and we’re meant to take this as the tragedy of his life: That, having come into the one identity that could have made him truly happy (gay man), he will always have to subsume it to the identity he chose in order to get there (murderer). This is nowhere that Highsmith ever would have gone — and that’s fine, since all of these movies are not transcriptions but interpretations. It’s as if Minghella, wandering around inside the palace of the novel, decided to open doors Highsmith had left closed to see what might be behind them. The result is the most touching and sympathetic of Ripleys — and, as a result, far from the most frightening.

Zaillian is not especially interested in courting our sympathy. Working with the magnificent cinematographer Robert Elswit, who makes every black-and-white shot a stunning, tense, precise duel between light and shadow, he turns coastal Italy not into an azure utopia but into a daunting vertical maze, alternately paradise, purgatory, and inferno, in which Tom Ripley is forever struggling; no matter where he turns, he always seems to be at the bottom of yet another flight of stairs.

It’s part of the genius of this Ripley — and a measure of how deeply Zaillian has absorbed the book — that the biggest departures he makes from Highsmith somehow manage to bring his work closer to her scariest implications. There are a number of minor changes, but I want to talk about the big ones, the most striking of which is the aging of both Tom and Dickie. In the novel, they’re both clearly in their 20s — Tom is a young striver patching together an existence as a minor scam artist who steals mail and impersonates a collection agent, bilking guileless suckers out of just enough odd sums for him to get by, and Dickie is a rich man’s son whose father worries that he has extended his post-college jaunt to Europe well past its sowing-wild-oats expiration date. Those plot points all remain in place in the miniseries, but Andrew Scott, who plays Ripley, is 47, and Johnny Flynn, who plays Dickie, is 41; onscreen, they register, respectively, as about 40 and 35.

This changes everything we think we know about the characters from the first moments of episode one. As we watch Ripley in New York, dourly plying his miserable, penny-ante con from a tiny, barren shoe-box apartment that barely has room for a bed as wide as a prison cot (this is not a place to which Ripley has ever brought guests), we learn a lot: This Ripley is not a struggler but a loser. He’s been at this a very long time, and this is as far as he’s gotten. We can see, in an early scene set in a bank, that he’s wearily familiar with almost getting caught. If he ever had dreams, he probably buried them years earlier. And Dickie, as a golden boy, is pretty tarnished himself — he isn’t a wild young man but an already-past-his-prime disappointment, a dilettante living off of Daddy’s money while dabbling in painting (he’s not good at it) and stringing along a girlfriend who’s stuck on him but probably, in her heart, knows he isn’t likely to amount to much.

Making Tom older also allows Zaillian to mount a persuasive argument about his sexuality that hews closely to Highsmith’s vision (if not to her subsequent denial). If the Ripley of 1999 was gay, the Ripley of 2024 is something else: queer, in both the newest and the oldest senses of the word. Scott’s impeccable performance finds a thousand shades of moon-faced blankness in Ripley’s sociopathy, and Elswit’s endlessly inventive lighting of his minimal expressions, his small, ambivalent mouth and high, smooth forehead, often makes him look slightly uncanny, like a Daniel Clowes or Charles Burns drawing. Scott’s Ripley is a man who has to practice every vocal intonation, every smile or quizzical look, every interaction. If he ever had any sexual desire, he seems to have doused it long ago. “Is he queer? I don’t know,” Marge writes in a letter to Dickie (actually to Tom, now impersonating his murder victim). “I don’t think he’s normal enough to have any kind of sex life.” This, too, is from the novel, almost word for word, and Zaillian uses it as a north star. The Ripley he and Scott give us is indeed queer — he’s off, amiss, not quite right, and Marge knows it. (In the novel, she adds, “All right, he may not be queer [meaning gay]. He’s just a nothing, which is worse.”) Ripley’s possible asexuality — or more accurately, his revulsion at any kind of expressed sexuality — makes his killing of Dickie even more horrific because it robs us of lust as a possible explanation. This is the first adaptation of The Talented Mr. Ripley I’ve seen in which even Ripley may not know why he murders Dickie.

When I heard that Zaillian (who both wrote and directed all of the episodes) was working on a Ripley adaptation, I wondered if he might replace sexual identity, the great unequalizer of 1999, with economic inequity, a more of-the-moment choice. Minghella’s version played with the idea; every person and object and room and vista Damon’s Ripley encountered was so lush and beautiful and gleaming that it became, in some scenes, the story of a man driven mad by having his nose pressed up against the glass that separated him from a world of privilege (and from the people in that world who were openly contemptuous of his gaucheries). Zaillian doesn’t do that — a lucky thing, since the heavily Ripley-influenced film Saltburn played with those very tropes recently and effectively. Whether intentional or not, one side effect of his decision to shoot Ripley in black and white is that it slightly tamps down any temptation to turn Italy into an occasion for wealth porn and in turn to make Tom an eat-the-rich surrogate. This Italy looks gorgeous in its own way, but it’s also a world in which even the most beautiful treasures appear threatened by encroaching dampness or decay or rot. Zaillian gives us a Ripley who wants Dickie’s life of money and nice things and art (though what he’s thinking when he stares at all those Caravaggios is anybody’s guess). But he resists the temptation to make Dickie and Marge disdainful about Tom’s poverty, or mean to the servants, or anything that might make his killing more palatable. This Tom is not a class warrior any more than he’s a victim of the closet or anything else that would make him more explicable in contemporary terms. He’s his own thing — a universe of one.

Anyway, sexuality gives any Ripley adapter more to toy with than money does, and the way Zaillian uses it also plays effectively into another of his intuitive leaps — his decision to present Dickie’s friend and Tom’s instant nemesis Freddie Miles not as an obnoxious loudmouth pest (in Minghella’s movie, he was played superbly by a loutish Philip Seymour Hoffman) but as a frosty, sexually ambiguous, gender-fluid-before-it-was-a-term threat to Tom’s stability, excellently portrayed by Eliot Sumner (Sting’s kid), a nonbinary actor who brings perceptive to-the-manor-born disdain to Freddie’s interactions with Tom. They loathe each other on sight: Freddie instantly clocks Tom as a pathetic poser and possible closet case, and Tom, seeing in Freddie a man who seems to wear androgyny with entitlement and no self-consciousness, registers him as a danger, someone who can see too much, too clearly. This leads, of course, to murder and to a grisly flourish in the scene in which Tom, attempting to get rid of Freddie’s body, walks his upright corpse, his bloodied head hidden under a hat, along a street at night, pretending he’s holding up a drunken friend. When someone approaches, Tom, needing to make his possible alibi work, turns away, slamming his own body into Freddie’s up against a wall and kissing him passionately on the lips. That’s not in Highsmith’s novel, but I imagine it would have gotten at least a dry smile out of her; in Ripley’s eight hours, this necrophiliac interlude is Tom’s sole sexual interaction.

No adaptation of The Talented Mr. Ripley would work without a couple of macabre jokes like that, and Zaillian serves up some zesty ones, including an appearance by John Malkovich, the reigning king/queen of sexual ambiguity (and himself a past Ripley, in 2002’s Ripley’s Game), nodding to Tom’s future by playing a character who doesn’t show up until book two. He also gives us a witty final twist that suggests that Ripley may not even make it to that sequel, one that reminds us how fragile and easily upended his whole scheme has been. Because Ripley, in this conception, is no mastermind; Zaillian’s most daring and thoughtful move may have been the excision of the word “talented” from the title. In the course of the show, we see him toy with being an editor, a writer (all those letters!), a painter, an art appreciator, and a wealthy man, often convincingly — but always as an impersonation. He gives us a Tom who is fiercely determined but so drained of human affect when he’s not being watched that we come to realize that his only real skill is a knack for concentrating on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. What we watch him get away with may be the first thing in his life he’s really good at (and the last moment of the show suggests that really good may not be good enough). This is not a Tom with a brilliant plan but a Tom who just barely gets away with it, a Tom who can never relax.

Tom’s sexuality is ultimately an enigma that Zaillian chooses to leave unsolved — as it remains at the end of the novel. Highsmith’s decision to turn Tom into a roguish heterosexual with a taste for art fraud before the start of the second novel has never felt entirely persuasive, and it’s clearly a resolution in which Zaillian couldn’t be less interested. Toward the end of Ripley, Tom is asked by a detective to describe the kind of man Dickie was. He transforms Dickie’s suspicion about his queerness into a new narrative, telling the private investigator that Dickie was in love with him: “I told him I found him pathetic and that I wanted nothing more to do with him.” But it’s the crushing verdict he delivers just before that line that will stay with me, a moment in which Tom, almost in a reverie, might well be describing himself: “Everything about him was an act. He knew he was supremely untalented.” In the end, Scott and Zaillian give us a Ripley for an era in which evil is so often meted out by human automatons with even tempers and bland self-justification: He is methodical, ordinary, mild, and terrifying.'

#Andrew Scott #Ripley #Matt Damon #The Talented Mr Ripley #Anthony Minghella #Steven Zaillian #Purple Noon #Alain Delon #Johnny Flynn #Dickie Greenleaf #Peter Smith-Kingsley #Jude Law #Gwyneth Paltrow #Robert Elswit #Caravaggio #Marge Sherwood #Freddie Miles #Philip Seymour Hoffman #Eliot Sumner

9 notes · View notes

howdoyouwhiskit · 1 month

Text

Once again adding to lists of my posts technically from tiktok but I’m cross posting here.

Can you tell I have a lot of fictional character anger? /s

8 notes · View notes

cadmuslabs777 · 1 year

Text

No but really, imagine that Blanc is such a spectacular detective that the MI6 thought it would be wise to keep an eye on him, maybe he's found out about things that he shouldn't. So they send one their retired agents (since it wouldn't require much action to just keep an eye on him, and tbh agents never really retire) to form a relationship with Blanc.

Some time later they are informed that Blanc and their agent, Philip, are in a romantic relationship and might even marry. They congratulate Philip on his dedication. Even though Philip has been sending them false information about Blanc and has actually fallen for him.

#im not sure if Blanc would find out or if Philip would tell him #but damn if that wouldn't make an awesome fic #sort of like a mr & ms smith vibe #glass onion #benoit blanc #hugh grant

55 notes · View notes

goosesister · 2 years

Text

I never know how to feel about Matt Smith. I discovered him as the 11th Doctor on Doctor Who and it's been a rollercoaster ever since.

#house of targaryen #house of the dragon #daemon targaryen #pride and predjudice and zombies #mr collins #parson collins #the crown #prince philip #doctor who #11th doctor #matt smith #what even #is this guy #silly then evil #he refuses to be pigeonholed #freedom

95 notes · View notes

napoleonic-sexyman-tournament · 4 months

Text

Friends, enemies, comrades, Jacobins, Monarchist, Bonapartists, gather round. We have an important announcement:

The continent is beset with war. A tenacious general from Corsica has ignited conflict from Madrid to Moscow and made ancient dynasties tremble. Depending on your particular political leanings, this is either the triumph of a great man out of the chaos of The Terror, a betrayal of the values of the French Revolution, or the rule of the greatest upstart tyrant since Caesar.

But, our grand tournament is here to ask the most important question: Now that the flower of European nobility is arrayed on the battlefield in the sexiest uniforms that European history has yet produced (or indeed, may ever produce), who is the most fuckable?

The bracket is here: full bracket and just quadrant I

Want to nominate someone from the Western Hemisphere who was involved in the ever so sexy dismantling of the Spanish empire? (or the Portuguese or French American colonies as well) You can do it here

The People have created this list of nominees:

France:

Jean Lannes

Josephine de Beauharnais

Thérésa Tallien

Jean-Andoche Junot

Joseph Fouché

Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

Joachim Murat

Michel Ney

Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte (Charles XIV of Sweden)

Louis-Francois Lejeune

Pierre Jacques Étienne Cambrinne

Napoleon I

Marshal Louis-Gabriel Suchet

Jacques de Trobriand

Jean de dieu soult.

François-Étienne-Christophe Kellermann

17.Louis Davout

Pauline Bonaparte, Duchess of Guastalla

Eugène de Beauharnais

Jean-Baptiste Bessières

Antoine-Jean Gros

Jérôme Bonaparte

Andrea Masséna

Antoine Charles Louis de Lasalle

Germaine de Staël

Thomas-Alexandre Dumas

René de Traviere (The Purple Mask)

Claude Victor Perrin

Laurent de Gouvion Saint-Cyr

François Joseph Lefebvre

Major Andre Cotard (Hornblower Series)

Edouard Mortier

Hippolyte Charles

Nicolas Charles Oudinot

Emmanuel de Grouchy

Pierre-Charles Villeneuve

Géraud Duroc

Georges Pontmercy (Les Mis)

Auguste Frédéric Louis Viesse de Marmont

Juliette Récamier

Bon-Adrien Jeannot de Moncey

Louis-Alexandre Berthier

Étienne Jacques-Joseph-Alexandre Macdonald

Jean-Mathieu-Philibert Sérurier

Catherine Dominique de Pérignon

Guillaume Marie-Anne Brune

Jean-Baptiste Jourdan

Charles-Pierre Augereau

Auguste François-Marie de Colbert-Chabanais

England:

Richard Sharpe (The Sharpe Series)

Tom Pullings (Master and Commander)

Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington

Jonathan Strange (Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell)

Captain Jack Aubrey (Aubrey/Maturin books)

Horatio Hornblower (the Hornblower Books)

William Laurence (The Temeraire Series)

Henry Paget, 1st Marquess of Anglesey

Beau Brummell

Emma, Lady Hamilton

Benjamin Bathurst

Horatio Nelson

Admiral Edward Pellew

Sir Philip Bowes Vere Broke

Sidney Smith

Percy Smythe, 6th Viscount Strangford

George IV

Capt. Anthony Trumbull (The Pride and the Passion)

Barbara Childe (An Infamous Army)

Doctor Maturin (Aubrey/Maturin books)

William Pitt the Younger

Robert Stewart, 2nd Marquess of Londonderry (Lord Castlereagh)

George Canning

Scotland:

Thomas Cochrane

Colquhoun Grant

Ireland:

Arthur O'Connor

Thomas Russell

Robert Emmet

Austria:

Klemens von Metternich

Friedrich Bianchi, Duke of Casalanza

Franz I/II

Archduke Karl

Marie Louise

Franz Grillparzer

Wilhelmine von Biron

Poland:

Wincenty Krasiński

Józef Antoni Poniatowski

Józef Zajączek

Maria Walewska

Władysław Franciszek Jabłonowski

Adam Jerzy Czartoryski

Antoni Amilkar Kosiński

Zofia Czartoryska-Zamoyska

Stanislaw Kurcyusz

Russia:

Alexander I Pavlovich

Alexander Andreevich Durov

Prince Andrei (War and Peace)

Pyotr Bagration

Mikhail Miloradovich

Levin August von Bennigsen

Pavel Stroganov

Empress Elizabeth Alexeievna

Karl Wilhelm von Toll

Dmitri Kuruta

Alexander Alexeevich Tuchkov

Barclay de Tolly

Fyodor Grigorevich Gogel

Ekaterina Pavlovna Bagration

Ippolit Kuragin (War and Peace)

Prussia:

Louise von Mecklenburg-Strelitz

Gebard von Blücher

Carl von Clausewitz

Frederick William III

Gerhard von Scharnhorst

Louis Ferdinand of Prussia

Friederike of Mecklenburg-Strelitz

Alexander von Humboldt

Dorothea von Biron

The Netherlands:

Ida St Elme

Wiliam, Prince of Orange

The Papal States:

Pius VII

Portugal:

João Severiano Maciel da Costa

Spain:

Juan Martín Díez

José de Palafox

Inês Bilbatua (Goya's Ghosts)

Haiti:

Alexandre Pétion

Sardinia:

Vittorio Emanuele I

Lombardy:

Alessandro Manzoni

Denmark:

Frederik VI

Sweden:

Gustav IV Adolph

#napoleonic sexyman tournament #new pinned post for now

46 notes · View notes

literallyjimmyhopkins · 3 months

Text

Bully x GTA 5

so I've been playing gta 5 for the first time with my boyfriend, and only naturally in all my autistic whimsy i have to combine all my fave things Wouldn't it be hilarious if Trevor Philips was Gary Smith's dad? They even look kind of alike which is funny, same hair colour, same hairline LMAO, kind of same nose? taking this from the wiki to give it some kind of backthought?? - "His background is mostly unknown. He cites his parents as one of his "problems". Miss Abby speaks poorly of Gary's mother, and Mr. Smith is suggested to be Gary's grandfather since he shares the same last name and complains about the state of the family. Donald can be heard to mention that Mr. Smith (referencing either Gary's father or Grandfather) was kicked out of Bullworth Academy and went to prison. If this were true in reference to Gary's father, it could help explain Gary's behavior." Gary's Father isn't actually known, so it's open to headcanons and interpretations really. Would also explain why Gary is so fucked up - don't make me justify myself on this one, you know what Trevor is like. and if Trevor WAS Gary's dad, I wonder what he was like when he was present? I assume he left at a young age but, how terrible was his parenting lol And my boyfriend made a funny; Juri the jock could be related to Niko from GTA 4. I feel like Michael would probably be a distant uncle to Jimmy, that'd be hilarious. Imagine some bullworth students go on a trip to Los Santos, Gary sees his dad and is all like, WTF, then Jimmy sees his uncle and is just as confused. And obviously Jimmy's dad is James Earl Cash. LMAOO

#bully scholarship edition #bully canis canem edit #bully game #bully rockstar #canis canem edit #gary smith #jimmy hopkins #bully fanart #pete kowalski #bully headcanons #grand theft auto #grand theft auto 5 #gta v #gta 5 #trevor philips #michael de santa #michael townley #who would pete be related to though?

25 notes · View notes

lavnderwonu · 3 months

Text

seventeen as my favorite 80's songs!

i’m always bragging about my music taste and how i literally can listen to almost anything. i’m an expert in 70s and 80s genres (if i do say so myself). so here’s the members as 80’s songs! i picked songs based off vibes, & you can tell which ones are more new-wave, and which ones are more metal/rock lol. click the link to listen and you might find some new fave songs!🕺🏼🩷 clearly i love the smiths…

choi seungcheol ❀

mr. telephone man by new edition

vacation by the go-go’s

there is a light that never goes out by the smiths

yoon jeonghan ❀

take my breath away by berlin

cheri cheri lady by modern talking

eyes without a face by billy idol

hong joshua ❀

love my way by the psychedelic furs

everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears

slipping through my fingers by abba

wen junhi ❀

easy lover by philip bailey & phil collins

talking in your sleep by the romantics

careless whisper by george michael

kwon soonyoung ❀

tenderness by general public

your love by the outfield

angel by madonna

jeon wonwoo ❀ (he’s so the smiths coded to me)

how soon is now? by the smiths

just like heaven by the cure

please, please, please let me get what i want by the smiths

lee jihoon ❀

treat me right by pat benatar

smooth operator by sade

loves bites by judas priest

lee seokmin ❀ (HEAVY on the mj/prince vibes)

i would die 4 u by prince

dirty diana by michael jackson

africa by toto

kim mingyu ❀

(i just) died in your arms by cutting crew

pour some sugar on me by def leppard

lovesong by the cure

xu minghao ❀

west end girls by pet shop boys

this charming man by the smiths

the reflex by duran duran

boo seungkwan ❀

head over heels / broken by tears for fears

space age love song by a flock of seagulls

kiss on my list by daryl hall & john oates

chwe hansol ❀

my kinda lover by billy squier

rebel yell by billy idol

bigmouth strikes again by the smiths

lee chan ❀

i think we’re alone now by tiffany (this song is so cute lolol)

wake me up before you go-go by wham!

in your room by the bangles

#seventeen x 80s #seventeen as 80’s songs #choi seungcheol #yoon jeonghan #hong jisoo #hong joshua #wen junhui #kwon soonyoung #jeon wonwoo #lee jihoon #lee seokmin #kim mingyu #xu minghao #boo seungkwan #chwe hansol #lee chan

16 notes · View notes

daenystheedreamer · 5 months

Note

One thing abt hotd discourse that’s very amusing to me personally is that as an Irish person I’m used to getting/giving the (non serious, I can’t stress this enough) “ugh this guy amiright🙄🙄” reaction to Matt Smith bc he’s Mr BBC Doctor Who Prince Philip guy. So I watch hotd with my Irish friends and we go “this guy🙄🙄” but then I tweet going “this guy amiright🙄” and I’m bombarded by lectures of not to bully actors. Rlly?? I can’t even say Mr BBC Doctor Who Prince Philip is Mr BBC Doctor Who Prince Philip?? Guys he’s British.

i believe in being nice to people online but its actually soooo funny how stans act like serfs in regards to actors. guys theyre not gonna lower your taxes and rent and wheat quotas. Matt Smith does not need you acting as his sworn sword. if tswift sees me calling her an inveterate white woman she can go wipe her tears with her billions of dollars

#ask #Anonymous #would love to say this about aussie actors but the only aussie actors who get big are the hot ones 😔#kiwi is easier though i love bullying rhys darby

17 notes · View notes

mudwerks · 1 year

Photo

(via Nick Cave: Charles Bukowski is the "bukkake of bad poetry" | Boing Boing)

[I am not a fan of either artist - but I have to agree with Mr. Cave here...]

Nick Cave isn't keen on transgressive poet Charles Bukowski, as evidenced by a recent exchange on the former's Website, The Red Hand Files. A fan had submitted the following comment:

"In my opinion you are one of the bonzerist geezers around, like Bukowski with a geetar. Thank you Mr. Cave."

To which Cave kindly responded:

I'm sorry, Simon, I don't like being compared to Charles Bukowski. I appreciate you were trying to be kind and make me feel good and everything but I don't like the man. This a well known fact. Now, if you had called me, say, the 'Philip Larkin of the Joanna' or the 'Stevie Smith of the Ivories' or the 'All Singing, All Dancing John Berryman' or 'Langston Hughes of the Banger', I'd be lot happier. But, I don't know, Simon, I just don't like Charles Bukowski. In my opinion, Charles Bukowski is the 'Bukkake of Bad Poetry', just blowing his junk around. I don't like him. I just don't. Not even a bit. No, not at all.

Love, Nick.

#nick cave #charles bukowski #artists that do nothing for me #don't get me started

63 notes · View notes

alilixx · 1 year

Text

fanfic characters x reader

I would also write fanfics about the actors (they are mostly the ones playing the characters on the list)

Here is my list:

Harry Potter:

Severus Snape:

Remus Lupin

Sirius Black

Barty Crouch Jr.

Bellatrix Lestrange

Lucius Malfoy

Character I'm not sure I do:

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Draco Malfoy

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Tom Riddle

Regulus Black

Fantastic Beasts:

Albus Dumbledore

Gellert Grindelwald

Minerva McGonagall

Lord Percival Graves

Hogwarts Legacy:

Phineas Nigellus Black

Sebastian Sallow

Aesop Sharp

Mirabel Garlick

Ominis Gaunt

Grand Theft Auto:

Michael De Santa

Trevor Philips

Franklin Clinton

Niko Bellic

Steve Haines

Lester Crest

Agent 14

Naruto:

Kakashi Hatake

Naruto Uzumaki

Sasuke Uchiha

Tsunade

Jiraya

Minato Namikaze

Gaara

Tobirama Senju

Senju Hashirama

Inuzuka Hana

Mitarashi Anko

Darui

Kushina Uzumaki

Kiba Inuzuka

Uchiha Shisui

Yujito Nii

Ôtsutsuki Indra

Ôtsutsuki Asura

Uchiha Obito

Mei Temurî

Boruto:

Naruto Uzumaki

Sasuke Uchiha

Mitsuki

Kawaki

Boruto Uzumaki

Konoha-Maru Sarutobi

Sakura Haruno

Jujutsu Kaisen:

Yuji Itadori

Utahime Iori

Masamichi Yaga

Inumaki Toge

Okkotsu Yûta

Sheko Ieiri

Yuki Tsukumo

Uraume

Toji Fushiguro

Gong Shi Woo

Atsuya Kusakabe

Ieri Shôko

Zenin Mai

Zenin Maki

Choso

Gojo Satoru

Megumi Fushiguro

Ryomen Sukuna

Mei Mei

Kento Nanami

Assassination Classroom:

Tadaomi Karasuma

Irina Jelavic

Koro Sensei (human)

One piece:

Shanks

Portgas D.Ace

Don Quijote Doflamingo

Roronoa Zoro

Sanji Vinsmoke

Coby

Trafalgar Law

Sabo

Marvel:

Agatha Harkness

Hela

Natasha Romanoff

Tony Stark

Yelena Belova

Loki Laufeyson

Sylvie Laufeydottir

Matt Murdock

May Parker

Scott Lang

Shang Chi

Stephen Strange

Thena

Wanda Maximoff

Xu Wenwu

Marc Spector

Steven Grant

Wednesday:

Larissa Weems

Morticia Addams

Lucifer:

Lucifer Morningstar

Chloe Decker

Mazikeen Smith

Amenadiel

Charlotte Richards

Aurora (Rory) Morningstar

Michael

Sandman:

The Corinthian

Lucifer Morningstar

Desire

Johanna Constantine

Bleach:

Ichigo Kurosaki

Sousuke Aizen

Kuchiki Buyakuya

Coyote Stark

Resident Evil:

Leon S. Kennedy

Chris Redfield

Ashley Graham

Ethan Winters

Carlos Oliveira

Helena Harper

Rosemary Winters

Alcina Dimitrescu

Cassandra Dimitrescu

Daniela Dimitrescu

Bela Dimitrescu

Star Wars:

Kylo Ren

Captain Phasma

Din Djarin

Poe Dameron

Valorant:

Chamber

Viper

Reyna

Omen

La Casa De Papel:

Berlin

El Professor

Suárez

My Hero Academia:

Dabi

Shota Aizawa

Nemuri Kayama

Todoroki Shôto

Toga Himiko

Shimura Nana

Chisaki Kai

Attack on titan:

Hanji Zoe

Levi Ackerman

Annie Leonhart

Mikasa Ackerman

Pirates of the caribbean:

Jack Sparrow

Elizabeth Swann

Sweeney Todd:

Sweeney Todd

Mrs. Lovett

Judge Turpin

The Witcher:

Geralt Of Rivia

Yennefer of Vengerberg

Ciri

Kaamelott:

Arthur Pendragon

Léodagan

Bohort

Yvain

Gauvain

Ygerne

Elias de Kelliwic’h

Spy X Family

Loid Forger

Yor Forger

Castlevania

Dracula

Leon Belmont

Alucard

Trevor Belmont

Richard Belmont

Tera

Five Nights at Freddy’s

William Afton

Michael Schmidt

Vanessa Shelly

Satsuriku no Tenshi

Isaac Foster

Haikyuu!!

Yū Nishinoya

Tobio Kageyama

Tetsurō Kuroo

Fugou Keiji: Balance:UNLIMITED

Daisuke Kambe

Haru Katou

Ryo Hosino

Owari no Seraph

Guren Ichinose

Mikaela Hyakuya

Ferid Bathory

Crowley Eusford

Kureto Hiragi

Shinya Hiragi

Horn Skuld

Chess Belle

Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records

Glenn Radars

Sistine Fibel

Celica Arfonia

Albert Frazer

Domestic na Kanojo

Hina Tachibana

Rui Tachibana

Masaki Kobayashi

Reiji Kiriya

My new boss is Goofy

Shirosaki Yusei

Mitsuo Aoyama

Kinjo Aigo

Buddy Daddies

Kugi Kyûtarô

Suwa Rei

Kurusu Kazuki

Unasaka Misaki

Other characters

Sakata Gintoki from Gintama

Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones by Gwendoline Christie

Hans Gruber from Die Hard by Alan Rickman

Sinclair Bryant from Close my eyes by Alan Rickman

Miranda Hilmarson from Top of the Lake by Gwendoline Christie

Charlie Harper from My Uncle Charlie by Charlie Sheen

Isaac Foster from Angels of Deaths

Link from The Legend Of Zelda

Cereza from Bayonetta

Leonora Lesso from School for Good and Evil by Charlize Theron

Elaine Markinson from Gringo by Charlize Theron

Hannibal Lecter from Hannibal by Mads Mikkelson

Miss Perergrine from Miss Peregrine’s Home for Particular Children by Eva Green

Joel Miller from The Last Of Us by Pedro Pascal

Mr.Cat from Kaeloo

Michael Afton from Five Nights at Freddy’s

Marc from Le Flambeau by Jonathan Cohen

John Wick from John Wick’s movies by Keanu Reeves

Joe Goldberg from You by Penn Badgley

Crowley from Good Omens by David Tennant

Max Black from 2 Broke girls by Kat Dennings

Tobias from Ghost

#harry potter #severus snape #hermione granger #draco malfoy #howgarts #the witcher #sweeney todd #alan rickman #ghost #young royals #john wick #five nights at freddy's #good omens #the last of us #hannibal #miss peregrine imagine #zelda #others #etc

51 notes · View notes

mr-smith-stories · 2 years

Text

Mr. Smith #12: Sociology Class

Mr. Smith hurried across MIT’s campus alongside his friends. It was a big day for Mr. Smith and his friends- their first Sociology test. Mr. Smith wanted to be punctual to impress his professor after he had gotten angry and started a fight with one of the other students because they scored higher than him on a quiz.

Mr. Smith, however, became sidetracked when he saw several Greenbirds on the field outside the Humanities building. It occurred to Mr. Smith that he’d never petted a Greenbird before, so he tip toed over to the field as one of the birds flew away. “Goddamnit!” Mr. Smith swore, charging at one of the other birds, swearing again as it flew away. Mr. Smith spent twenty minutes chasing the Greenbirds as they kept flying to different spots, until finally they all flew away and Mr. Smith and his friends had to run to Sociology class, twenty minutes late.

“Sorry we’re late!” Mr. Smith exclaimed upon entering the classroom. He saw three new faces in the front and gasped as the trio all rolled their eyes. “It’s YOU, the gay geniuses! Why are YOU here?!”

“Our professor is on strike, so we had to join this class,” Explained Alex.

“I went on strike once! At Red Lobster waiting tables was too hard, so Amy and I protested!” Susan exclaimed.

“You are all stupid,” Said Leo.

“I’m just as smart as you, devil spawn!” Mr. Smith yelled.

“Then why are you so jealous of us?” Leo asked. “You’re always yelling at us for being smarter. You’re clearly envious.”

Mr. Smith gasped. “Oh no! What do I do?” Mr. Smith scratched his chin for several moments. “I know! Let’s go get high instead of taking this dumb test!” He yelled to his friends.

“Not so fast!” Yelled the professor. “You’re already failing my class. Stay and take the test or I’m reporting you to the dean,”

“I’ll just have my Dad blackmail him!” Mr. Smith said. “Ha! You can’t touch us!”

“I can fail you,” Said the professor impatiently.

Mr. Smith stamped his foot. “That’s NOT FAIR! You’re a BULLY!”

“No, I just want you to take this class seriously,” Said the professor.

“They don’t seem to know how to do that,” Said Leo.

“Yes we can!” Mr. Smith scoffed.

“We’ll take this test and prove we’re smarter,” Said Philip.

“Good idea,” Said Mr. Smith. “I never noticed you were so handsome before.”

“You are too. But no homo, right?” Asked Philip.

“Yeah,” Said Mr. Smith, and they gazed into each other’s eyes again.

“Once again, you’re gay for each other,” Said Ritchie.

“No I’m not!” Yelled Philip. “STOP SAYING THAT! Or… or… or…”

“Or what?” Ritchie challenged him.

“I don’t know. I’ll get back to you on that,” Philip said, looking bewildered.

“Sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to say too, even though I already started speaking,” Said Amy.

“Me too! I have to write down everything I say on notecards or I might forget,” Said Susan.

“No way!” Amy exclaimed. They high fived each other.

“Please sit down so I can give you your tests,” Said the professor.

“Do we get to use a calculator?” Asked Mr. Smith.

“You don’t need a calculator,” Said the professor.

“But what if I get my numbers confused? Counting is hard. I might need a number line too,” Mr. Smith said as the three boys giggled.

“There is no math on this test. Please sit down,”

Mr. Smith and his friends all sat in a group at the front of the room by the three boys, and the professor passed out the tests.

The doors to the class flew open and in came Mr. Smith’s friends Bob and Frankie, with Kitty trailing behind. “Sorry we’re late! We were trying to get our ice cream for free, but they refused to give it to us! What a cruel world it is for the working class!” Boomed Frankie.

“I know that better than anyone. I’m so poor, I’m not even the working class. I’m subworking class.” Kitty said.

“There is no such thing as ‘subworking class.’” Said Leo.

“You mean ALLEGEDLY there is none. You have no proof there is none!” Said Bob.

“Yes I do. It just doesn’t exist!” Leo huffed.

“But you have no proof. Just like you have no proof Santa Claus doesn’t exist, but those presents get under my Christmas tree somehow.” Bob retorted.

“You’re childish if you think Santa is real,” Said Ritchie.

“YOU’RE a little child inside! You still talk to your teddy bear!” Snapped Frankie.

“No I don’t-“ Began Ritchie.

“But can you PROVE that?!” Asked Frankie.

“Frankie! Bob!” Mr. Smith exclaimed. “Sit with us!”

“Of course, we’re best friends forever! Remember our best friends song?” Asked Bob.

“Of course!” Mr. Smith exclaimed.

“Forever best buddies, only you know me. Together we care for the puppies, see the genius in ourselves no one else can see!” The eight idiots all sang.

“Please sit down so we can start the test,” Said the professor, giving the three students their tests as they sat with the crew of morons.

They all began the test. Mr. Smith soon realized how hard this test would be. The question read, “What is the definition of a society?”

Mr. Smith poked Philip and whispered, “What did you get for the first question?”

“All the choices were wrong, so I just put 57.” Said Philip.

“Ok, thanks,” Said Mr. Smith, scribbling that in.

Bob raised his hand.

“There are no questions during a test!” The professor snapped.

“How can we know any of the answers to this test? There’s no proof any of this is true!” Bob said.

“I only understand social inequality, because I live in a carboard box, and cats don’t have the same rights as humans.” Kitty said. “And why is transgender on this test? It’s not real.”

“I’m transgender,” Said Alex. “I’m real.”

“But how do you KNOW you’re real? You have no proof,” Said Bob.

“I think you’re delusional. I’m a cat and we have a sixth sense, so I know these things. It’s my kitty sense.” Kitty explained.

“You think you’re a cat, so YOU’RE delusional. Don’t insult my friend because you’re a moron who thinks he’s a cat!” Leo snapped.

Kitty gasped. “Well, you and Ritchie are GAY! So you’re delusional! Men can’t love men!”

“Wait,” Said Bob.

“What?” Asked Kitty.

Bob addressed Leo and Ritchie. “How do you KNOW you’re gay? Allegedly you’re together, but how can you be sure?”

Frankie added, “I’m not sure gay people even exist. There’s no proof of it.”

“What about ancient Greece?” Asked Alex. “Besides, we know our own sexualities. I like men and women. How can you tell me I’m wrong when you’re not inside my head? YOU have no proof of what you’re saying.”

“You’re trans AND gay? Is that possible?” Asked Philip.

“I’m bisexual-“

“Stop saying bicycle! Riding a bike is hard!” Philip yelled.

“Yeah, stop bullying Philip!” Mr. Smith pounded his fist on the desk.

“Class, please take your tests in silence!” The professor snapped.

For the next forty minutes, the class continued their tests, but Mr. Smith still had only one answer written in. “Alright, class. Time to hand in your tests. This is a three hour class so we’ll be lecturing for the next two hours,” The professor said.

“Wait! I’m not done yet!” Mr. Smith said, scribbling in a few random words and numbers for some of the answers.

The professor began to collect the tests. She grabbed Mr. Smith’s, but he held on for dear life. “Mr. Smith, please give me your test!”

“No!” Mr. Smith yelled.

“Tests are hard,” Said Amy. “When I was in high school, I never finished any of my tests and I failed like, all of my classes!”

“That’s so annoying! My teacher passed me freshman year because I would give her pot if she gave me good grades!” Susan said.

Mr. Smith finally let go of the test after he forgot how to hold on, and the professor addressed the class. “Let’s go over these exams. Kitty, why is your test a drawing of an army of cats destroying the university?”

“Kitty will conquer the world someday with his feline army,” Kitty said.

“You’re not a cat!” Snapped Alex.

“If you can be a boy, why can’t I be a kitty cat? It’s the same thing,” Said Kitty.

“But gender is a social construct and species is not,” Said Alex.

“What’s a social construct?” Asked Kitty. “Are you an outgoing construction worker?”

“No,” Alex giggled.

“We learned about social constructs the first day of class,” Said the professor. “Anyway. Philip, why did you put numbers for all your answers? And why does your essay question have a very long and incorrect algebra equation with the words “X means I’m better than Leo and Ritchie” instead of answering the question?”

“It’s a more influential equation than e equals m c squared,” Said Philip.

“It says 2x + 2= 6, and you said X equals 17. How would that prove your superiority even if it were true?” Asked the professor.

“Math proves all of the secrets of the universe,” Said Philip.

“O-kay. Simon, why are there no answers on your test? And why is it soaked with tear splotches?”

“It was really hard so I started to cry,” Said Simon.

“Amy and Susan, why are all of your answers the same? And why do both tests have a contract at the end saying “We promise we didn’t cheat. Signed Susan and Amy.” I know you cheated especially if you both signed both tests.”

Susan and Amy scoffed. “How did you know that?” Asked Amy.

“That’s so annoying!” Susan scoffed.

“Bob and Frankie, on both your tests you simply wrote, “there is no evidence Sociology is not just a giant government conspiracy, so we refuse to take this test. Signed Bob and Frankie.””

“You can’t prove we’re wrong, just like you can’t prove unicorns don’t exist. I went to a stable once and saw at least four unicorns,” Said Frankie.

“Those were horses!” Ritchie rolled his eyes.

“Horses are a government cover up for the existence of unicorns,” Said Bob.

“Oh my God,” Said Leo. “That’s completely ridiculous.”

“YOU’RE ridiculous! You and your alleged boyfriend have no proof, just like you have no proof you’re dating!” Bob retorted.

“We’re dating. There’s your proof,” Said Ritchie.

“Hear say,” Said Frankie. “Not real proof.”

“So you think we’re lying?!” Demanded Ritchie, furious.

“No, I just don’t think you have sufficient evidence. How do you KNOW you’re dating? Maybe you’re just really close friends,” Frankie said.

“Class. Please focus. Anyway, Mr. Smith, for number nine, what is the definition of the family, you wrote in the word “puppies.” Please explain.”

“The puppies on the puppy farm are family,” Mr. Smith said.

“Sure they are. Then for nonconformity you wrote, “My Dad sticking it to the man by blowing up his Chem lab.” That’s not appropriate,”

“What does appropriate mean? Does it mean your clothes?” Asked Mr. Smith.

“For social norms, you wrote “what is normal?” and scribbled a drawing of yourself as a child saying one plus one is fourteen. Those are all the answers you have besides random words and numbers.”

Mr. Smith shrugged. “The test was hard. Did I get a good grade? Like a 60?”

“You got a zero, since all your answers were wrong,” The professor said flatly.

Mr. Smith picked up his textbook and threw it across the room. Then he ran to the board, grabbed all the markers and erasers, and chucked them out the window. “Now you can’t teach anyone anything!” He yelled. Then he ran over to the teacher’s desk and tipped over the computer monitor, and grabbed the teacher’s water bottle and dumped it on the computer monitor for good measure. “Take that!” Then he shouted, “Now it’s time for my dramatic exit!” Mr. Smith opened the window and squeezed through, despite the fact that he was on the third floor. He got stuck however, with his upper body facing the class and his legs dangling out the window. “Help! I’m stuck!”

The professor had to call the fire department to get Mr. Smith out, his face burning with shame. Once he was freed, he yelled, “That’s it! I’m never coming to this class again! You all made me look stupid! I quit!” And then he and his friends changed their majors again to Psychology.

Fin.

***

0 notes

denimbex1986 · 1 month

Text

'New to Netflix on April 4, 2024, Ripley is the third adaptation of Patricia Highsmith's acclaimed 1955 novel The Talented Mr. Ripley. The story concerns Tom Ripley (Andrew Scott), a wily forger and con man who steals the identity of the wealthy European playboy Dickie Greenleaf (Johnny Flynn) and lives a life of luxury. Although it's the first TV translation of the classic crime story, the Netflix original series joins the 1960 French film Purple Noon and the 1999 American movie The Talented Mr. Ripley as fictional adaptations.

However, while each mostly remains faithful to Highsmith's novel, several significant differences regarding the ending can be found. In particular, the final moments of Ripley's grand scheme conclude on a much different note in the 1999 film and the 2024 TV show. For those interested in the chief differences between the two acclaimed adaptations, it's time for a side-by-side comparison between Ripley's criminal endeavors and how faithful they remain to Highsmith's novel.

What is The Talented Mr. Ripley?

Published in November 1955, The Talented Mr. Ripley is a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith. The acclaimed psychological thriller concerns Tom Ripley, a small-time con artist and grifter scraping by in New York City in the late 1950s and early 1960s. Ripley's dead-end life changes for the better when he is hired by shipping tycoon Herbert Greenleaf. Herbert believes Ripley attended school with his son, Dickie Greenleaf, whose whereabouts in Europe are unknown. Herbert hires Ripley to find Dickie, paying for his travel expenses and giving him a salary for his efforts.

Once Ripley locates Dickie and his friend Marge Sherwood in Italy, Ripley slowly ingratiates his way into their lives. Upon witnessing the lap of luxury Dickie lives in, Ripley slowly schemes to steal Dickie's identity and live his lavish lifestyle of wealth and privilege. In Highsmith's novel, the most crucial event occurs off the coast of San Remo, where Ripley murders Dickie in cold blood on a small fishing boat with an oar.

After killing him, Ripley takes Dickie's possessions, throws his anchor-tied body into the water, and deliberately sinks the boat. Ripley continues to live off Dickie's trust fund, enjoys his wealthy lifestyle, and constantly changes his disguise to resemble Dickie. Meanwhile, Ripley communicates with Dickie's friends and family to assure them he's still alive.

In both Anthony Minghella's 1999 film adaptation and Steve Zaillian's 2024 Netflix TV show, Highsmith's story is faithfully told up to this point. The big difference in the TV and film adaptation comes during the final act. While Ripley ultimately gets away with his criminal charade, a few minor story beats have been altered from the text. In addition to Ripley's ambiguous fate, some details regarding Dickie's corpse, the murder weapons, and the boat disposal stand out.

Differences Between Ripley and The Talented Mr. Ripley

Although Ripley faithfully retells Highsmith's novel almost verbatim, notable differences become clear during the fatal boat ride. In the novel and the 1999 movie, Ripley (Matt Damon) sinks a small fishing boat underwater following Dickie's (Jude Law) murder. In the show, Ripley attempts to burn the boat with petroleum but only partially succeeds. After his plan fails, Ripley stacks rocks in the boat until it submerges underwater. In the novel, movie, and TV show, Ripley continues to live as Dickie in an apartment in Rome and Venice as the final act approaches. However, in the movie, Dickie's corpse is found by the police. In the TV show, Dickie's corpse is never found.

Another minor difference between Ripley and The Talented Mr. Ripley relates to the death of Dickie's longtime friend, Freddie Miles. When Freddie becomes suspicious of Ripley's activity and confronts him about Dickie's whereabouts in Rome, Ripley murders him in cold blood inside his apartment. In the novel, Ripley bludgeons Freddie to death in the head with a big glass ashtray.

However, in the movie, Ripley fatally bashes Freddie (Philip Seymour Hoffman) with the head of a marble statue. In the TV show, Ripley bludgeons Freddie (Eliot Somner) to death with a paperweight. Although the murder weapon has been changed, the Roman location and the way Ripley murders Freddie more or less remain the same in all three adaptations.

The Ending of Ripley vs. The Talented Mr. Ripley

The most substantial difference between Ripley and The Talented Mr. Ripley comes during the finale. In the novel, Ripley convinces Dickie's family that Dickie murdered Freddie before committing suicide. Ripley ends up sailing to Greece after forging Dickie's will and inheriting his fortune. Ripley gets away with his crimes and secures enough money to enjoy a wealthy life. However, his life of luxury is marred by the fear and paranoia of being caught as he constantly looks over his shoulder.

In the 1999 movie, Ripley also ends up in Greece, but the story veers from the novel quite dramatically. In the final moments, a friend of Marge named Peter Smith-Kingsley joins Ripley on the ocean liner to Greece. Upon confronting Ripley about posing as Dickie, Ripley apologizes to Peter for lying to him before fatally strangling him on the boat. The movie ends with Ripley returning to his cabin alone to ponder his murderous actions.

The Netflix Miniseries Ends on a Cliffhanger

In Ripley, the story concludes in Venice instead of Greece. Dickie's body is never found, and his family continues to search for the "fugitive playboy." In Venice, Herbert Greenleaf arrives and accepts that his son Dickie killed himself and Freddie as a result of being a failed artist, unaware that Ripley orchestrated the entire ruse. Although Ripley gets away with his crimes happy and wealthy, the TV ending leaves viewers dangling on a cliffhanger. Marge Sherwood sends a copy of her book to Inspector Ravini (changed from Inspector Roverini in the movie), who is mortified when he sees a picture of the real Dickie Greenleaf.

The implication is that if Season 2 of Ripley gets renewed, Inspector Ravini will continue to pursue Ripley across Europe. This slightly differs from the novel and movie, which depicts Ripley continuing his trip to Greece with a tinge of melancholy after getting away with his elaborate crime spree. In any event, Highsmith's source novel is so rich that few story beats need to be changed to retain the dramatic impact of Ripley's criminal endeavors.

The success of The Talented Mr. Ripley led to the "Ripliad," a series of five novels Highsmith had published between 1955 and 1991. Although Oscar-winning screenwriter Steve Zaillian (Schindler's List) changed a few story specifics to accommodate an 8-episode TV format, they remain faithful to the spirit of Highsmith's landmark crime novel.'

#Patricia Highsmith #The Talented Mr Ripley #Dickie Greenleaf #Johnny Flynn #Dakota Fanning #Marge Sherwood #Freddie Miles #Inspector Ravini #Maurizio Lombardi #Eliot Sumner #Andrew Scott #Matt Damon #Jude Law #Philip Seymour Hoffman #Peter Smith-Kingsley #Steven Zaillian

1 note · View note

warrenwoodhouse · 8 months

Text

Cliques - Bully Guide (Game Guides) (Guides)

List of all of the cliques in Bully and in Bully: Scholarship Edition.

Main Game

Nerds

Boys

Algernon “Algie” Papadopoulos

Bucky Pasteur

Earnest Jones

Melvin O’Connor

Donald Anderson

Cornelius Johnson

Fatty Johnson

Thad Carlson

Girls

Beatrice Trudeau

Hangouts

The Library

The Observatory

Preppies

Boys

Chad Morris

Gord Vendome

Parker Ogilvie

Tad Spencer

Derby Harrington

Bif Taylor

Bryce Montrose

Justin Vandervelde

Girls

Pinky Gauthier

Hangouts

Harrington House

Old Bullworth Vale

Glass Jaw Gym

Greasers

Boys

Johnny Vincent

Ricky Pucino

Hal Esposito

Lefty Mancini

Norton Williams

Peanut Romano

Vance Medici

Girls

Lola Lombardi

Hangouts

Auto Shop

Add

Jocks

Boys

Kirby Olsen

Casey Harris

Bo Jackson

Damon West

Dan Wilson

Juri Karamazov

Luis Luna

Ted Thompson

Girls

Mandy Wiles

Hangouts

Football Field

Swimming Pool

Gym

None

Boys

Gary Smith

Peter “Petey” Kowalski

James “Jimmy” Hopkins

Constantinos Brakus

Ivan Alexander

Gordon Wakefield

Lance Jackson

Pedro De La Hoya

Ray Hughes

Sheldon Thompson

Trevor Moore

Girls

Angie Ng

Eunice Pound

Christy Martin

Gloria Jackson

Karen Johnson

Melody Adams

Zoe Taylor

Hangouts

Bullworth Academy

Bullies

Boys

Russell Northrop

Trent Northwick

Davis White

Ethan Robinson

Tom Gurney

Troy Miller

Wade Martin

Girls

None

Hangouts

Bullworth Academy

Carpark - Bullworth Academy

Townies

Boys

Duncan

Edgar Munsen

Clint (aka: Henry)

Gurney

Jerry

Leon

Omar Romero

Otto Tyler

Girls

Zoe Taylor (before re-attending Bullworth Academy)

Hangouts

Add

Townsfolk

Boys/Men

Mr. Doolin

Add

Girls/Women

Miss Abby

Add

Hangouts

Old Bullworth Vale

Add

Police

Boys/Men

Officer Williams

Girls/Women

None

Hangouts

Old Bullworth Vale

Bullworth Town

Add

Prefects

Boys/Men

Prefect 1

Prefect 2

Prefect 3

Girls/Women

None

Hangouts

Bullworth Academy

Orderlies

Boys/Men

Add

Girls/Women

None

Hangouts

Add

Carnival Folk

Boys/Men

Add

Girls/Women

The Siamese Twins

Add

The Last Mermaid

Hangouts

Billie Crane’s Traveling Carnival

Faculty

Men

Dr. Crabblesnitch (Principal)

Mr. Burton (Gym Teacher)

Mr. Lionel Galloway (English Teacher)

Mr. Hattrick (Math Teacher) (Scholarship Edition)

Mr. Luntz (Janitor, Shop Attendant)

Mr. Matthews (Geography Teacher) (Scholarship Edition)

Neil (Shop Teacher)

Dr. Slawter (Biology Teacher) (Scholarship Edition)

Dr. Watts (Chemistry Teacher)

Mr. Wiggins (History Teacher) (Scholarship Edition)

Women

Miss. Danvers (Secretary)

Mrs. Carvin (Librarian)

Edna (Cook)

Mrs. Danica McRae (Nurse)

Mrs. Peabody (Girls’ Dorm Hall Monitor)

Miss. Peters (Music Teacher) (Scholarship Edition)

Ms. Deidre Philips (Art Teacher, Photography Teacher)

Hangouts

Bullworth Academy

#warrenwoodhouse #gaming #game guides #gameguides #bully scholarship edition game #bully scholarship edition #bullygame #bully game #caniscanemedit #canis canem edit #2023 #.guide

9 notes · View notes

msc-ddv-ss · 5 months

Text

Character Request Sheet:

The list of all the characters I will write/take requests for:

Walt Disney Animated Movies:

Mickey Mouse and Friends:

Mickey Mouse

Donald Duck

Goofy

Minnie Mouse

Daisy Duck

Pluto

Pete

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:

Snow White

The Evil Queen

The Seven Dwarfs

Pinocchio:

Pinocchio

Jiminy Cricket

Dumbo:

Dumbo

Timothy Q. Mouse

Bambi:

Bambi

Thumper

Flower

The Three Caballeros:

Panchito Pistoles

Jose Carioca

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad:

Ichabod Crane

Mr. Toad

Cinderella:

Cinderella

Prince Charming

The Fairy Godmother

Alice in Wonderland:

Alice

The Mad Hatter

The Queen of Hearts

The Cheshire Cat

Peter Pan:

Peter Pan

Captain Hook

Tinkerbell

Wendy / John / Michael

Lady and the Tramp:

Lady

Tramp (Butch)

Sleeping Beauty:

Aurora

Prince Philip

Fauna / Flora / Merryweather

Maleficent

101 Dalmations:

Pongo

Perdita

Cruella De Vil

The Sword and The Stone:

Merlin

Wart (Arthur)

Madam Mim

The Jungle Book:

Baloo

Mowgli

Bagheera

King Louie

Shere Khan

The Aristocats:

Thomas O’Malley

Duchess

Marie / Toulouse / Berlioz

Robin Hood:

Robin Hood

Maid Marian

Little John

Prince John

Winnie the Pooh:

Winnie the Pooh

Christopher Robin

Tigger

Piglet

Eeyore

Rabbit

Kanga / Roo

Owl

The Rescuers:

Bernard

Miss Bianca

The Fox and The Hound:

Tod

Copper

The Black Cauldron:

Taran

Eilonwy

Fflewddur Fflam

Gurgi

The Horned King

The Great Mouse Detective:

Basil of Baker Street

Professor Ratigan

Oliver & Company:

Oliver

Dodger

Bill Cykes

The Little Mermaid:

Ariel

Prince Eric

Ursula

King Triton

Sebastian

Flounder

Beauty and The Beast:

Belle

The Beast

Gaston

Lumiere

Cogsworth

Aladdin:

Aladdin

Jasmine

The Genie

Jafar

The Nightmare Before Christmas:

Jack Skellington

Sally

Oogie Boogie

The Lion King:

Simba

Nala

Scar

Timon / Pumba

Rafiki

A Goofy Movie:

Goofy

Max Goof

Roxanne

Pocahontas:

Pocahontas

John Smith

Governor Ratcliffe

The Hunchback of Notre Dame:

Quasimodo

Esmeralda

Captain Phoebus

Claude Frollo

Hercules:

Hercules

Megara

Hades

Phil

Mulan:

Fa Mulan

Li Shang

Mushu

Shan Yu

Tarzan:

Tarzan

Jane

Clayton

The Emperor's New Groove:

Emperor Kuzco

Pacha

Yzma

Kronk

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Milo Thatch

Princess Kida

Commander Rourke

Helga Sinclair

Lilo & Stitch:

Stitch

Lilo Pelekai

Nani Pelekai

Jumba

Pleakley

Treasure Planet: (Please Gameloft, I'm begging you...)

Jim Hawkins

John Silver

Captain Amelia

Dr. Delbert Doppler

Brother Bear:

Kenai

Koda

Home on the Range:

Maggie

Mrs. Calloway

Grace

Alameda Slim

Chicken Little:

Chicken Little

Buck Cluck

Meet the Robinsons:

Lewis

Wilbur Robinson

The Bowler Hat Guy

Bolt:

Bolt

Mittens

Rhino

The Princess and The Frog:

Tiana

Prince Naveen

Dr. Facilier

Louis

Mama Odie

Tangled:

Rapunzel

Flynn Rider / Eugene Fitzherbert

Mother Gothel

Wreck-It Ralph:

Wreck-It Ralph

Vanellope Von Schweetz

Fix It Felix

Sergeant Calhoun

King Candy / Turbo

Frozen:

Anna

Elsa

Kristoff

Olaf

Hans

Big Hero 6:

Hiro Hamada

Baymax

Gogo

Wasabi

Honey Lemon

Fred

Zootopia:

Judy Hopps

Nick Wilde

Chief Bogo

Moana:

Moana

Maui

Raya and the Last Dragon:

Raya

Sisu

Namaari

Encanto:

Mirabel Madrigal

The Madrigal Family

Strange World:

Searcher Clade

Ethan Clade

Meridian Clade

Jaeger Clade

Splat

Wish:

Asha

Valentino

King Magnifico

Live Action Movies:

Pirates of the Caribbean:

Captain Jack Sparrow

Will Turner

Elizabeth Swann

Hector Barbossa

Davy Jones

Enchanted:

Giselle

Robert Phillip

Prince Edward

Hocus Pocus:

Mary Sanderson

Sarah Sanderson

Winfred Sanderson

Pixar Movies:

Toy Story:

Woody

Buzz

Jessie

Bo Peep

Monsters Inc.:

James P. Sullivan

Mike Wazowski

Celia Mae

Randall Boggs

Boo

Finding Nemo:

Marlin

Nemo

Dory

Bruce

Hank

The Incredibles:

Mr Incredible

Elastigirl

Dash

Violet

Jack-Jack

Frozone

Syndrome

Edna Mode

Cars:

Lightning McQueen

Ratatouille:

Remy

Wall-E:

Wall-E

EVE

Up:

Carl Fredrickson

Russel

Dug

Kevin

Charles Muntz

Brave:

Merida

Coco:

Miguel Rivera

Hector Rivera

Mama Imelda Rivera

Ernesto De La Cruz

Onward:

Ian Lightfoot

Barley Lightfoot

Soul:

Joe Gardner

Luca:

Luca

Alberto

Giulia

Turning Red:

Meilin “Mei” Lee

Elemental:

Ember

Wade

Disney Television Animation Shows:

DuckTales:

Scrooge McDuck

Louie / Dewey / Huey Duck

Launchpad McQuack

Webby Vanderquack

Bentina Beakley

Phineas and Ferb:

Phineas Flynn

Ferb Fletcher

Candace Flynn

Perry the Platypus

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

Gravity Falls:

Dipper Pines

Mabel Pines

Grunkle Stan

Soos Ramirez

Wendy Corduroy

Bill Cipher

Amphibia:

Anne Boonchuy

Sprig Plantar

Polly Plantar

Hop Pop Plantar

Sasha Waybright

Marcy Wu

Owl House:

Luz Noceda

Edalyn Clawthorne

King Clawthorne

Amity Blight

Gus Porter

Willow Park

Hunter

Hooty

(The list will be updated whenever any new films release, new characters release in Dreamlight Valley, and when I feel comfortable writing for some of the other shows)

#ddlv community #disney #disney dreamlight valley #ddlv #ddlv rift in time #disney speedstorm #disney television animation #pixar #request page

11 notes · View notes