#my blog is a safe space you can say the most insane shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dazaiandhislovelybandages · 2 years

Note

I just dicovered your blog and god, I'm amazed by your writing😩❤. So here's my request, mycroft x sick!wife. She got asthma attack late at night while he hadn't been home yet, when he arrive he found her could barely breath called a doctor and sit by her side comforting her. That's it. It's ok if u can't do it I understand! (Might request over and over again cuz i love u :) <3 )

Worried Sick {Mycroft Holmes}

Pairing: Mycroft Holmes x sick! wife! fem! reader

Warnings: mentions of asthma attacks

A/n: honestly I hope you like it, I wrote this as soon as I woke up so yeah. Also you can request as much as you like I don't mind haha. Btw I know shit about asthma so if I have made any sort of mistake, DM me and I'll fix it

It was around 11 pm when it all began. The inhaler the doctors had given you had reached its limit. You hadn't bothered much since you were already planning on going to the doctor tomorrow for your monthly check up so you would ask your doctor to prescribe you a new one. Plus, your asthma attacks weren't frequent.

Logic said you would be fine without one until tomorrow but logic apparently was wrong on that one.

You and Mycroft had been married for about a year now and the house you shared was not big and housed only three servants who were conveniently enough asleep when your asthma attack hit you.

You started coughing violently, unable to breath and though it had taken exactly one minute for Mycroft to ran up the stairs and get to you, to you it had looked like ages.

Along with Mycroft, who had just returned home from a more than exhausting day at work, your maid also burged in the room and was immediately ordered by your husband to get the doctor next door (let's talk about privilege later).

No more than five minutes later, the doctor arrived with an inhaler and all his things, ready to examine you. Right after stopping your asthma attack, you fainted.

“I don't know what happened, I just got back from work.” Mycroft said when the doctor asked him.

The latter had just finished examining your now sleeping body and was packing his things to leave while Mycroft's worried and angered gaze was driving him insane. Your husband knew exactly how much effect he had on the poor man just by sitting at a chair next to your bed, his legs crossed and his fingers carefully yet gracefully playing with his wedding ring.

He had almost given up on smoking as soon as he met you so it is needless to say that no one was permitted to smoke in the space you were in.

“Listen here, doctor, I don't care if it's possible or not but cure her.”

“Mr Holmes there are two possibilities-”

“Don't care.” Your husband cut the doctors sentence short. “If it's not possible then provide her with more inhalers. If something like that ever happens again I'll simply put the blame on you and I am more than sure that you don't want that.”

The old man quickly shook his head in response and left the room after telling your husband that he would hand him his report on it tomorrow.

“You are scaring people.” You rolled your eyes and made a move to sit on the bed but Mycroft stopped you almost immediately.

“I am sorry.” He kissed your temple and went ahead to start getting ready for bed. You silently watched him doing his night routine, wearing his silk pyjamas and brushing his hair.

“No you're not.” You told him as soon as he got under the covers.

“That's right, I'm not, I expect them to treat you like how I treat you goddammit. And I will not pursue this issue any further because my heart is still trying to calm down.”

You didn't have the time to respond. Mycroft had already wrapped his hands around you and most probably had already fallen asleep, knowing that you were now safe in his arms.

#anime and manga #writing #moriarty the patriot #mycroft holmes #mycroft holmes moriarty the patriot #mycroft holmes x reader #mycroft holmes x you #mycroft holmes moriarty the patriot x reader #mycroft holmes moriarty the patriot x you #moriarty the patriot x reader #moriarty anime

173 notes · View notes

thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

Text

it's high time that i redid the ✨masterpost✨ of all the shit floating around this blog where i say anything arguably insightful, existential/philosophical, or even just teetering on the cusp of being vaguely intelligent, so voila here you go and fucking enjoy:

worth having a looksie through this: longwinded anon (LWA)✨ masterpost

and then because i am actually so proud of these i did video edits to lewis capaldi (he's my hozier fight me) and im sorry but my beat matching is insane, godlike even:

season 2 (forget me)

season 1 (heavenly kind of state of mind)

also:

did i get emotional over crowley's fall and having to leave behind his creations and aziraphale's various conflicts in faith? you're goddamn right i did (credit to hillywood for the fall scenes that sent me into a frenzy)

stuff that is potentially relevant to s3 or is essentially my safe space to shit on these two incompetent-ass characters for being the most ridiculous beings god ever conceived:

(be warned, all of these will conflict each other bc im a loose cannon, a wildcard, and can't settle on a single thing)

(no seriously my opinion changes over time so interpretations that i once held might no longer be the interpretation that i have now, ya feel me)

you wanted a s3 plot prediction, right?

aziraphale brought an ak-47 to a fist fight and ohooo boy did it have Consequences

god i really ought to work out a tagging system in here, huh - this is my ramble on what i think could have happened during the fall

just a small one on the 1967 scene and the holy water thing (tw: suicide)

crowley found the book of life and tbh it was very james bond of him

saraqael rapidly slotting into my top 5 GO characters based on a singular hc wahoo

fuckin ✨1941✨ (this also upsets ALL of my interpretations of the Final Fifteen which... well what can u do)

a fucking rug just put shivers down my spine

more on raphael/azazel/scapegoat/fall theory, glorious smart anons are feeding me yummy soup

perhaps a more comprehensive rambling on omelas, scapegoats, and Those Promo Photos

an updated maggie rambling why not, she's still giving me a headache (and this ask neatly summarises some stuff too!)

my boy crowley really doesn't like change, does he wee baby (may develop this into a full meta who knows)

you know i think heaven might just be the bad place, i know - shocker

god i hope i was possessed by agnes nutter when i wrote this

a gifset format bc i cba to write, but aziraphale might have been, or might become, raphael

ive lied like a rug in previous theory posts: THIS one, this time travel clusterfuck, is the bottom of the barrel

spent hours studying michael sheens face in utter disbelief that he is capable of portraying every emotion known to man, and wrote about it (ie my take on the kiss)

i think goob might have been more important in the mega miracle than we initially thought (and no - not in the way you're currently thinking)

aziraphale and suffering are pretty well acquainted with each other (warning: i absolutely HATE this meta it's so bad)

um i guess you could term this as god is dead theory? nietzsche strikes again anyway

we REALLY hit rock bottom in the theory stakes with this one, lads (it's about whether crowley does in fact fully remember the fall)

(REWORKED) greasy johnson is the second coming. that's it. that's the post.

finally wrote about the book of life well done me

crowley was offered the same chance as aziraphale, im fairly sure, and as far as ive seen noone noticed??

the motif of lies in job made me come over all poetic

relativity is NOT my milieu especially in GO but giving it my best shot

hahaha is everything aziraphale's fault hahahaha

fuckinnnn BOOOOOOKKKSSSSS

EVERY DETAIL MATTERS? YEAH I SHOULD FUCKING THINK SO (and im still keeping this on here bc if im right in s3 im never going to shut up)

job is crowley and crowley is job except job didn't get sent to sit on the naughty step

never thought id see the day where i analyse richard curtis' 4WAAF but this show has got me whipped, jumping through hoops and over stalls like a fucking show pony

i have the dreadful feeling that we might have been fools by sleeping on aziraphale's own angelic importance all this time

did the costume department just simply go ham in s2 or are the angel costumes Important?

more on outfits

ruminations on the fall, morality and omniscience vs. free will, and making choices as if i have any idea what im talking about

okay this one is a little shitpost-y but the message is sound and im an un-apologetic aziraphale supporter, sue me

a sprinkle of s2 symbology, a dash of ineffable plan speculation, and laure girlbossing on how the two go together mwah

this was sooooo tasty i love talking about nietzsche

honestly this one doesn't even have a theme i just like talking to people

okay so this is the genesis of my aziraphale defence league (population: like 15% of the fandom) but i will not stop until he gets the recognition and empathy he mf deserves

Cancel Metatron 2k23

this was pre-s2 but the concept still stands: something feels icky about crowley's fall narrative and the book of life is ringing alarm bells

the concept of pedestals is one of my juicy favourites in psychology and you will find out just how much if you stick around this blog long enough (aziraphale's critique)

and lastly crowley's narrative of his fall? hm, big issue there and honestly the root of all Crowley discourse on this blog, be duly warned

old stuff if you fancy having a giggle at my expense

come chat to me about things

#good omens #no need to interact if you dont want to but feel free to like #this is honestly so i don't have to scroll through my blog shitpit to find old theoties etc #toodles✨

38 notes · View notes

jinx-on-mars-19xx · 10 months

Text

Oooooh. Roxy didn't answer this because she's very done with the insanity and I'm over it too but at the same time... I don't think people realize what it does to people. Because of the shit last night I ended up with assault nightmares because that's how my brain deals with transphobic attacks. I just want everyone to see the type of humans that follow Megan. I think it speaks so much of her character.

I genuinely don't even know how to cover this point by point and you know I don't like negativity but this? Go fuck yourself. This is the most fake "apology" I've ever seen.

1. You had to have seen my page and my trans flag and my pronouns to make some of the jokes you did. You knew and you did it anyway.

2. You proceed to say "suck pussy juices" which... Do I have to say how that too is transphobic? Do you think I claim to have one? I mean I'd say you can suck my dick but I don't want you anywhere NEAR me. Ever.

3. I'm the least misogynistic person around, all my best friends are incredible women. But guess who likes to throw around that word to trans people? Terfs.

4. I have never seen someone be such a bully while "helping people be better humans". You sound like a lot of Christians I've met and that should say something to you.

I don't feel like picking this entire thing apart enough to go against every point. I didn't want to give this a moment of my life again because I genuinely hate being negative but this was too much. I'm truly horrified people like this exist. You speak of human decency but I don't think you've had a moment of it in your life. You remind me of a Trump supporter the way you can't question your goddess. That's the difference here, when Kells fucks up I say so. But when he's being hurt I back him up because people like you exist who let her spread lies about him.

Genuinely no one was even attacking her. @triplexdoublex made a tiny joke. Much in the same way I made a joke about Col's hairline. See how that works? We don't mindlessly suck his cock. Although...

But guess what? No one actually has to accept any nonsense replies! That's the magic of this being her or my blog. That's the magic of the internet. It's our personal safe spaces you're invading with your negative bullshit. I don't like being angry, it takes all my energy. You could have blocked Roxy or me but you didn't because you feed off this! You love hurting others. I'm sorry for you.

At least you can rest assured in one thing- you're exactly like your fucking idol. I hope that keeps you warm at night.

Edit: also... Did they imply it was bad to support each other? Like as friends? That's... Genuinely depressing. I'm sorry they don't have anyone to have their backs (see how easy this 'they' shit is?)

I've just got a lovely group of friends who I would protect because no one deserves getting attacked like that, and they obviously support me too. Trying not to make a platonic harem joke.

Who's personal life were we attacking? We were commenting about a public picture and if you think she didn't have input about it before it was posted you're fucking delusional. You're the only one attacking people's personal lives here and we're just defending ourselves.

#what did i do to deserve this #genuinely #im fucking shaking #jinx doesnt like terfs

19 notes · View notes

gooddaysmeanwritingdays · 1 year

Text

My Masterlist

Spotify || AO3 || Original Writing || Main Blog

Hey! I'm Courtney and welcome to this slowly updated blog!

About me: I write every day but get halfway through a fic, get bored and start another. Hence the slow updates. I write fanfictions mostly, but I also write the occassional Hero x Villain snippets. I procrastinate everything, and I have ADHD (I got the diagnosis!).

I'm aromantic asexual, so this is a smut-free blog -> just a shit ton of fluff and angst. This is also a safe space so hate or any other assholery will absolutely not be tolerated.

Also, this is a sideblog, so when I do respond to comments, it'll be from my main blog @whovian378.

Moon Knight

SERIES

Falling For Them (Moon Knight System x gn!reader)

Oneshots of your life with Steven, Marc and Jake (how you met, when you fell in love and all the moments of your lives together.) Feel free to listen to the playlist I created for this series while you read.

Bad Days You had a bad day and your darlings take care of you.

He's Got the Whole World In His Hands It's your anniversary, and your darling Marc tells you a secret.

Lost in Love (and in a maze) You and Jake are out on a date for your anniversary in a corn maze of all places, and you get lost. Jake of course takes advantage of the alone time (keeping it mostly PG of course)

Forever Sounds Perfect You and your darlings go to a wedding, and suddenly all that happiness is exactly what you want for your future with them. In that happiness, you can't help but...pop the question.

Hopelessly in Love with You Even after all these decades you’re still head over heels in love with your husbands. And sometimes you can’t help but say it out loud.

ONESHOTS

Tell Me You'll Stay (Layla x gn!reader) Layla has to go to work. You want her to come back to bed. So, you use all your charm to convince her to stay.

Daredevil

ONESHOTS

I have ADHD (Matt Murdock x gn!reader) You're late to an ADHD consultation appointment and you're terrifying the shit out of your boyfriend Matt by driving like a maniac.

"You Love Me?" "I Always Have?" (Matt Murdock x gn!reader) You’re the lead detective on the team hunting down the vigilante known as Daredevil. You have no leads, until your boyfriend stumbles through your front door, half dead, and wearing that damn suit.

Beautiful Woman Part 1 (Matt Murdock x fem!reader) [a little spicy, but mostly fade to black] Yesterday the jury found you innocent of murder. Last night you went out for celebratory drinks with your lawyers. Last night...you and Matt succumbed to the lust that's been driving you both insane. Now it's the next morning. And no, it wasn't a dream. You’re in Matt’s bed, and he can’t get enough of you. Even after last night, he can’t keep his hands off you. But he also has to go to work, and you definitely don’t want that. So you do everything you can to convince him to stay.

Sandman

ONESHOTS

A Smile Like Yours is a Rare Delight (Morpheus x gn!reader) Your husband's smile drives you crazy, and he loves that

SERIES

Come Find Me, Dream Boy (Morpheus x fem!reader) The Sandman killed your parents. Of that you're sure. So when your best friend tells you the Sandman is after you, you run. You've been running from him for most of your life, and you sure as hell aren't going to let him find you now. You can't let the Sandman kill you. Not until you kill him first. Feel free to listen to the playlist I created for this series while you read.

Prologue

[Chapters 1-4 are in progress]

I'm currently also co-writing a Twilight fic and a Harry Potter fic which are taking up most of my time, so feel free to check them out while you wait for me to write more fics.

Don't forget to leave comments and reblog my fics. Every time someone interacts with my work, I'm more inclined to keep it going, so please spread my work as far as you can 🧡 and enjoy

(Let me know if any of the links don't work)

49 notes · View notes

bihet-dragonize · 1 year

Text

I posted 18,870 times in 2022

693 posts created (4%)

18,177 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nbblacksheep

@sawasawako

@venus-macabre

@lovedlovingly

I tagged 4,242 of my posts in 2022

#my answers - 439 posts

#kia's answers - 439 posts

#kia's post - 271 posts

#kia's og posts - 266 posts

#art reference - 79 posts

#johnny depp tw - 47 posts

#signal boost - 43 posts

#direct action - 42 posts

#prev tags - 40 posts

#mutual aid - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

My Top Posts in 2022:

The way bi women have been talking about this for fucking years. Been yelling and screaming that we don't magically escape homophobia or misogyny just because we're dating, married to or fucking men and it was met with the vilest shit on this very fucking site. The way we provided study after fucking study. They way we said we deserve and need lgbt resources in case our cishet partners are abusive and it was treated as us being liars and invaders. The way we've spoken about how common biphobic beliefs (which inform why people refuse to even associate with the term "bisexual") has led to our high rates of ipv.

And we were ignored. People called us bihets (peep the url). People made it seem like were were just sluts that performed lesbianism for men (so much to unpack there). We were continually called liars and selfish and self centered and told that we were just trying to center our cishet relationships in lgbt spaces. People genuinely harassed bi bloggers for simply stating that bi m/f relationships were not cishet.

And now a bisexual woman who was abused for years because of her ex-husband's biphobic, misogynistic, jealousy, and she's just been told "Yes you were abused. No, you're not allowed to talk about it."

The fact that the biphobia is merely a footnote in most of the conversations surrounding the abuse (as if it can be neatly separated from JD's motivations behind his violence) is not lost on me either.

1,101 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Staff working FAST to remove those images meanwhile bloggers of color get slurs in our inboxes and calls for genocide against us, lgbt bloggers get literal harassment and graphic descriptions of violence, trans women getting just the vilest shit you could think of and its crickets. I think it's safe to say that that staff member and the rest of staff are just white supremacists. I never trusted them, but I hope for anyone that did this shows you just how ain't shit they've truly been.

1,445 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

Anyways Imma complain about that author that just gets her ideas from her fucking agent like some 9th grade student.

I genuinely get so fucking annoyed with most of the booktok shit with the boring stock minimalist covers and the fucking fanfic-to-published pipeline but the idea that an author is 1. Getting their ideas from their agent in the form of like....suggested writing prompts and 2. Is being given tropes as the prompt with nothing else to consider, is mind boggling. Why do these people write? Why do these people do this if they don't want to create something as organically as possible? It's definitely a lack of respect for the craft cuz like if you respected writing and storytelling for the art that it is you wouldn't be reducing it down to tropes so you can start playing Situation Simulator 9000 with the most recent white cishet abled characters shown on your feed. It's just insane to me.

1,556 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

I think you have to be particularly ignorant to see the treatment of lgbt people (regardless of whether we're sexually explicit or not) and of sex workers, and women who are confident in their sexual interests, and poc who are simultaneously hypersexualized and desexualized by racism, and disabled/fat people who are desexualized and fetishized by virtue of ableist/fatphobic dehumanization and think that the world has a net positive view of sex.

4,065 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The fact that I reported a puppet account for saying Black people deserved slavery and was given a bullshit "that's their opinion" response yet staff has deleted 3 of my Black mutuals on the same fucking day tells my that @staff is racist and that Black Excellence banner is only for fucking show. Y'all will let Black bloggers be harassed, but God forbid one of them says fucking white women. With fucking full blown pedos and white supremacists on your fucking site too. Hope your building blows up

15,741 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

5 notes · View notes

antipolin · 8 months

Note

“Oh please, if they weren't 'all like that' as you say, wake up and tell your pals to leave the rest of us alone? We mind our business and CRITICIZE her amongst ourselves and ya'll send us hate. I've never once seen ya'll call others out EVER. I once got told to 'slit my throat open' because I said I thought Colin was boring. Real classy of ya'll.”

I’m genuinely sorry people talked to you like that. It’s abhorrent and inexcusable.

I’m actually part of polin Twitter. I have at least 200 polin mutuals, if not more. I cannot think of a single one of them that’s condoned doxxing, but can think of dozens of us who got together and got multiple polin accounts banned in the last few months over doxxing threats and abusive language. You don’t see that side, because you’d rather vilify everyone than accept the fact that you’re screaming about a select few but passing it off as an entire fandom doing that shit. Most of us mind our own damn business. You wouldn’t know, bc you only look for information that already fits into your bias. There are going to be psychos in every corner of the internet, and the polin fandom is no exception, but you’re going out of your way to ignore or refute the fact that it’s a small portion of people. Call those assholes out individually, put their accounts on blast. I would gladly report the fuck out of them if they’re trying that shit again. That’s a way better use of a blog like this than generalized hate.

I’m genuinely sorry so many of you have had such horrible experiences and received such abusive treatment. I’m new to the fandom in the last six months, and wasn’t here for all the big shit that went down in 2021 and last fall. However, in the last six months, I know so many of my friends and mutuals who have and will go out of their way to defend against abusive language and doxxing. We don’t claim the doxxers any more than you guys do, we report and block them just the same.

I’ve interacted with some incredibly cruel, shortsighted, rude kanthonys and benophies, ones who have threatened doxxing and told me to jump off a building, but I’m not making a hate blog about their fandoms, bc I know it’s such a small portion of people, and there are so many benophies and kanthonys who are perfectly lovely. I don’t like book Benedict, but don’t spend my time telling people who like him why I think they’re wrong to. Show Benedict is great. Show pen and Colin suck, pen especially, but book pen and Colin are wonderful, and that’s what so many people are hanging onto, myself included.

I hope you find something of value in your life to pour your time and energy into, not some bullshit blog perpetuating hate and anger toward an entire group rather than holding individuals accountable or just blocking the people who bother you so god damn much! That’s what the rest of us do! Anyone who ships real people, defends doxxing, spews abusive bullshit, or goes out of their way to shit on people’s characters and ships just gets blocked, and reported if necessary to the situation. Making a blog like this is practically begging for discourse and teaming up, and none of this negativity or bullshit is worth it! Go write fic, go reread your fav’s book, talk about shit you love about it and your characters, and just straight up block anyone who rains on your parade. If they’re being abusive or threatening to doxx, put their shit on blast and we’ll report them along with the rest of you. This generalized hate is insane and exhausting and can’t be good for anyone’s mental stability.

Yeah I'm not here for this condescending and obnoxious ask. Your 'apology' isn't a real apology b/c you just spent an insane amount of time gaslighting me into acting like I'm the villain for making a blog that's only purpose is to be a safe space for people to talk about a ship where they personally won't be targeted for the nasty hate a lot of the Polin's spew at us all the time. I'm the one willing to take the brunt of that hate as opposed to others, but I'm the villain here? Fuck you.

You sit here and preach about peace, etc but you haven't seen or experienced the true nastiness from your side of the fandom to actually care why this blog is here in the first place.

'this generalized hate is insane and exhausting' I'm not generalizing anything, and if you think that. Then it probably means you're part of the problem instead of the solution.

I've had this account for less than a day and already gotten asks claiming that 'none of that happened to you', that the doxxing wasn't real, gaslighting me/us into pretending they didn't pull that shit. And I've gotten two separate asks saying they hope Simone dies & that Jonny gets AIDS.

I'll talk shit about a problematic fandom as much as I want and I'll let others have that opportunity here too if they need it. If you don't like it, block this blog or ignore it.

#anon #asks #anti Polin stans

0 notes

just-antithings · 2 years

Note

I learned about antis and proshipping about a year ago and beside the absolutely horrible harassment some antis were doing I thought their whole motivation was dumb. “You can’t ship that!” What a dumb thing to give a shit about. But I gave them the benefit of the doubt and did some digging to see if there was any weight to what there were saying and you know what I did find some things: fandom currently has no safe space for minors- children younger and younger and getting into fandom and fan fiction and there currently isn’t a space for them to go and that isn’t ok, Twitter doesn’t have an automatic block minors setting meaning kids will be accidentally recommended porn blogs which can be harmful, and explicit underage rpf is not ok and needs to be taken care of. But the more and more I look into antis and read their arguments and see what their trying to say the more and more I realize… there all idiots! Every last one of them is goddam moron. They take real and not real problems to justify being a jackass or to make even more shit up. The amount of times I’ve seen an anti just make things up is insane. Nobody told these fuckers that there’s a difference between opinion and fact.

All antis are fucking idiots

Maybe it’s because I was a kid on the internet growing up, but I feel like the opposite for most of these things is true? Twitter's default settings filter mature content from your searches and you can mark your account as containing sensitive media so that it has to be circumvented to view. AO3 has an extensive tagging system to let you know what you are getting into and gives an explicit warning about 18+ content that you have to click past to proceed to the story. Many websites and apps have started cracking down on nsfw content because it makes it easier to get sponsors and advertisements. Not to be all ‘back in my day’ but you want to know my first exposure to porn? Uncensored yaoi ovas on youtube when I was ten. I was looking for anime and saw a video with pretty art and a word in the title I didn’t know so I clicked on it. The title was ‘Sensitive Pornography’. That shit would not fly on modern day youtube.

There are points to be made about people needing to tag their content so it can be filtered, but if someone isn’t doing that it can be solved civilly but just asking! Any validity to certain arguments antis make is drowned out by all the harassment and false equivalencies they consistently partake in.

#mod noodle #just anti things #ask

42 notes · View notes

zedecksiew · 3 years

Text

Kriegsmesser

When I received Kriegsmesser in the mail I finally googled "kriegsmesser", and found out it meant "war knife". Which makes sense; Gregor Vuga's ZineQuest 2021 project is a tribute to "roleplaying games named after medieval weapons".

I love Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay's piss-renaissance Old World setting. I tend to pick up WFRP-a-likes sight unseen:

Warlock (quality);

Small But Vicious Dog (yesss);

Zweihander (which I have come to hate); etc.

Anyway: I backed Kriegsmesser without really knowing anything about it. So Kriegsmesser surprised me.

Kriegsmesser grew out of a Troika! cutting. Its 36 backgrounds are compatible with that system: each come with a couple of lines of description; a list of skills and possessions; an a visual cameo cropped from actual 16th-Century woodcut art.

Cohesive and competently flavourful. My favourite is the Labourer, who always starts with "an empty pine box":

"You've spent your life breaking your back, working hard for other people's profit. You have nothing to show for it but a spectre of the future."

(The obligatory ratcatcher-analogue , called the Vermin Snatcher, is here -- check that box!)

Kriegsmesser also comes with its own ruleset. Hits all the notes it needs to, with lots of orientation and advice for how to run a game -- but ultimately super-simple, mechanically:

Roll d6s equal to the value in a relevant skill, look at the highest result. 6 means you get what you want; 5 or 4 means you get what you want, at a cost.

It's not quite a dice pool, since only the highest result matters. No opposed tests.

Kriegsmesser intends to have this base mechanic handle fights, too. The combat rules - with armour, toughness and weapon values -- are nested in an optional section.

For a WFRP-a-like, this feels like a purposeful departure.

Many of WFRP's most celebrated adventures are celebrated for bits that their underlying ruleset does little to support: the investigative structure of "Shadows Over Bogenhafen"; the complicated timetable of "Rough Night At Three Feathers".

Ludwig von Wittgenstein never needed a statblock to be memorable.

Not to say that lethal, hyper-detailed fights isn't super Warhammer-y. (Kriegsmesser includes an injury table, broken down by body-part -- check that box!)

But here it feels like Gregor is saying: "I'm not Games Workshop and Roleplay isn't an ancillary of Warhammer Fantasy Battle; we can evoke grim-and-perilous-ness even if we fork away from heavy combat rules."

It has become ritual for me to read my partner Sharon to sleep.

Sometimes I read her RPG things. The other night, after I read her Kriegsmesser's introduction --

" The Empire wages an eternal war against Chaos. Its priests preach of Chaos as an intrusion, something unnatural ... These men see Chaos in anything that does not buttress their rule. They call it disorder, anarchy, corruption. They say that to rebel against their order is to rebel against god and nature. That the current arrangement is natural, rather than artificial.

" Meanwhile, the common people look to the Empire to deliver the justice that they were promised and they find none. They look to the Empire and do not see themselves reflected in it. They look around at what they were taught was right and good and see only misery.

" Their world begins to unravel. Chaos comes to reside in every heart and mind sound enough to look at the world and conclude it is broken. "

-- Sharon remarked: "Nice one."

The RPG things I read her generally leave Sharon lukewarm. She has enjoyed a couple -- but, yeah: for many of these books, text isn't their strong point.

Kriegsmesser is the only time I can recall Sharon praising the writing of an RPG book without my prompting.

Nice one.

That introduction surprised me. It underlines Kriegsmesser's biggest departure from its WFRP-a-like pedigree: how it characterises Chaos.

Corruption, a mainstay of most grim-dark-y games, is made an optional rule, like combat. Explaining this, Gregor writes:

" Kriegsmesser partially subverts or deconstructs the traditional conceit of Warhammer where the characters are threatened by the forces of Chaos. In this game it is the player characters who are the agents of 'Chaos': they are likely to become the 'rats' under the streets, and the wild 'beast-men' in the woods bringing civilisation down. It's the Empire and its nobles and priests that are corrupt ... "

Describing the Empire, Gregor writes:

" The Empire encompasses the world yet is terrified of the without. It enforces itself with steel and fire yet considers itself benevolent. It consumes the labour of others with bottomless hunger yet calls its subalterns lazy, or wasteful, or greedy. "

Holy shit this is the first time I've seen the word "subaltern" in an RPG thing, I think?

I love this.

Rant incoming:

With every passing decade Warhammer abridges its Moorcockian roots more and more; nowadays it is "Order = Good" and "Chaos = Evulz", pretty much.

Gone are the days when chaos berserkers are implied to grant safe passage to the helpless (because Khorne is as much a god of martial honour as he is a god of bloodletting); Or that the succor of Papa Nurgle is a genuine comfort to the downtrodden; Or that Tzeentch could unironically embody the principle of hope, of change for the better.

As Chaos is distilled into unequivocal villainy, Order goons get painted as Good Guys by default --

Giving rise to Warhammer's contemporary problem, wherein fans are no longer able to recognise satire.

When I was introduced to 40K, it seemed pretty clear that the Imperium was a Brazil-esque absurdist-fascist bureaucratic state: planets are exterminatus-ed due to clerical error; the way it stamps out rebellions is the reason why rebellions begin in the first place.

Tragi-comic grimdarkness. That was the point.

Nowadays that tone has shifted -- and you're more likely than not going to encounter a 40K fan who argues that the Imperium's evils are a justified necessity, to prevent worse wrongs.

We went from:

"Space Nazis because insane dumbass fuckery, also chainswords vroom vroom rule of badass!"

To:

"Space Nazis because it makes sense actually, and also chainswords make sense because [insert convoluted rationalisation here]."

Even Fantasy Flight's Black Crusade line, which ostensibly offers a look at 40K from the perspective of Chaos, never truly commits to its conceit.

With prep you could play a heroic band of mutant freedom fighters, resisting the tyranny of the Evil Imperium --

But I don't remember Black Crusade giving that kind of campaign any actual support. Its supplements service the relatively more conventional "You can play villains!" angle; the Screaming Vortex is a squarely Daemons-vs-Daemons setting.

This tonal drift culminates, in my mind, with Age of Sigmar, Games Workshop's heroic-fantasy replacement of the old WFRP / WHFB setting.

Here's the framing narrative for AoS's recently-launched Third Edition. Let's see whether I've got things right:

A highly professionalised, technologically-superior tip-of-the-spear fighting force (the Stormcast Eternals);

Backed by an imperialist military-industrial complex (Azyrheim);

"Liberating" rich new territories (Ghur) for exploitation by a civilised settler culture (Settlers of Sig-- I mean, Free Cities);

Justified because the locals are irredeemable heathens (Chaos and Kruleboyz).

I mean, that's a sweet-ass Warhammer setting. It's contemporary, laser-guided lampoon. Except it is played totally straight.

In AoS, a literal crusade is justified as the moral good.

I think Kriegsmesser surprised me because its framing of Chaos -- as a promise, as the light of hope shining through cracks of a broken world --

It feels so fucking right.

Yes: its a subaltern deconstruction of the conventional moral universe of Warhammer -- but it is a take that is also already implied / all but supported in the various depictions of the setting: from WFRP to the modified title-crawl of Black Crusade.

I'm annoyed I didn't think of it, myself. Damn you, Gregor!

And I'm annoyed that more Warhammer fans aren't thinking it, also.

lmagine if Kriegsmesser's perspective stood on equal standing as the GW orthodoxy. Imagine if, instead of simplifying stuff into "Order = Good" and "Chaos = Evulz", GW did a Gregor Vuga.

You'd have a Rashomon-ed Warhammer, where villainy depends on perspective:

You are fearful villagers, huddled around your priest, muttering prayers against the wild braying coming from the trees beyond your gates.

You are Aqshyian tribeswomen, defying the thunder warrior towering over you, the foreigner demanding you bow to his foreign god.

You are a Tzeentchian revolutionary cell, desperately trying to disrupt a Inquisitor's transmissions so your home planet isn't destroyed by fascist orbital fire.

Get Kriegsmesser HERE.

+++

( Image sources: https://theenemywithinremixed.wordpress.com/2021/05/21/thoughts-on-the-4e-death-on-the-reik/ https://www.criterion.com/current/posts/59-brazil https://www.deviantart.com/faroldjo/art/Warhammer-40k-Black-Crusade-273596035 https://www.warhammer-community.com/2021/06/09/fancy-a-new-life-bringing-order-to-the-mortal-realms-join-a-dawnbringer-crusade-today/ https://www.nme.com/blogs/the-movies-blog/team-america-15-anniversary-south-park-2558750 https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Palestinian_children_and_Israeli_wall.jpg )

#reviews #kriegsmesser #gregor vuga #warhammer #writing #rants #overthinking #rpgs #wfrp

55 notes · View notes

oh-katsuki · 2 years

Text

it’s my blog’s birthday

happy birthday to the blog arlerted/oh-katsuki. here’s a little (i’m lying, it’s long) message to commemorate.

okay, i just want to say that having this blog and this space to share my creative ideas and insane thoughts has been so amazing. i didn’t expect to find running a blog to be this rewarding at times and i certainly didn’t expect to meet the amazing people i did.

things got a little weird (like that one time tumblr just deleted my whole ass blog for five minutes) but overall, being here has been a pleasure. i’ve met so many wonderful people, read so many wonderful pieces, and seen so many shit ass garbage takes. it warms my heart.

like tumblr can be odd and there were def some not so great times and i definitely saw some of the worst takes ive ever seen in my life, but i feel like ive grown a lot as a person (and gotten worse) since making this blog. it’s absolutely helped with my sexual liberation and has definitely helped me to be a more confident person. i’ve learned a lot about what it means to just be me and be okay with that and im so so grateful to have a space like that.

writing has always been a hobby of mine, but i feel like since creating this blog it has come a little closer to a passion and a way to share a part of myself. i feel like i have grown immensely as an author and i am so beyond grateful for that.

not to mention, you all are fucking fantastic. you’re so supportive and kind to me and i honestly couldn’t have wished for a better group of people. i feel like i have room to grow and i feel supported in that creative growth. i’m comfortable branching out and writing new things because you all are so so beyond supportive.

i’ve met some of my forever friends on here and they are people that i truly believe are meant to be in my life. like... genuinely some of the most lovely people i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. i’m just very very happy to have this blog and this place where i can be myself entirely and totally without fear.

sooo thank you, happy birthday to this blog. aaaaannnddd here’s to another year hopefully if i live that long (i suspect i might die in a freak accident. the way god intended.)

in all seriousness, i hope this blog continues to be a safe space for both myself and all of you. thank you <3

#happy birthday blog #its rly not even that big of a deal but im so emotional over it?#bc like being here has transformed my view of myself for the better #and ive really realized a lot about creative liberation and the type of things i want to create in the future #i dunno im very grateful for this space and the people that i've met #thank you #blog birthday #<- tag for today

13 notes · View notes

madamtrashbat · 3 years

Text

A couple of thoughts

We doin' okay, Cats family? We're good? Good. I have one last thing to add.

This is kinda about pro- and anti-shippers, but it's really more about fandom culture in general and just my experiences. You can read it, if you want, or not.

Up to you.

I've been doin' this for a while. A good fifteen years at least, closer probably to sixteen. I've been doing things in fandom for longer than some of my mutuals have been alive.

(Oh Jesus)

And there's something I gotta tell you guys, both as a person who has been doing fandom-y stuff for years and for someone who literally has college degrees in English Literature and Creative Writing.

Being an anti is not normal.

And I know that comes across as harsh and mean and it sounds unreasonable but I'd like to explain what I mean by that.

I can trace back being an anti to two main sources: Voltron and Star Wars. I was never into Voltron or really even around anyone who was but I remember the screaming and fighting over the ships, and I remember the hellish crusade that began when people dared to ship Rey and Kylo Ren together. It was nasty, guys. It was absolutely insane that suddenly people were doing this over fictional ships, that people were being sent actual abuse and hatred because someone wanted the broody shitlord man and the unwashed desert scrounger to smooch. Like... imagine that in real time.

I was not, nor have I ever been, a Reylo shipper, but you know what I did, when that ship began, and I didn't like it? I ignored it and went about my day. Because that's how I was taught. Nothing in the fiction world was worth fighting over. It was not worth getting into arguments over. What was the point?

Then the antis got bolder, started branching out, and when people like me started standing up and saying, "Hey, stop being a dick to people!" someone hired the world's best PR machine and suddenly people who were not antis were pedophiles and abusive and incestuous.

How's that for some whiplash.

This anti movement of berating, bullying, harming, and threatening has been their MO, and it's dangerous. And now, they all buy their own bullshit. They actually think people like me are all out here twisting our mustaches like Snidely Whiplash and diddling kids. Without a shred of irony, they believe this.

Proship only labeled itself that as a response to the antiship, and antiship, make no mistake, named itself first. It was not anti-pedophile. It was not anti-incest. It was not anti-abuse.

It was all about disliking fictional ships that other people enjoyed, and thus attacking people over it.

And it's pointless. It's driven a child to suicide. It has gotten people fired. It has ruined careers, livelihoods, friendships. For nothing. For a boogeyman that doesn't exist.

Sex experts across the board all agree that what gives us our jollies is not at all what we want in real life. There's some wild statistic like 70% of women have had a sexual fantasy about rape at least once in their lives. About rape! That act that most AFAB people have a deep ingrained fear of! And we've used it to get off! Because sexual fantasy isn't that deep. Our brains are idiots. And since time immemorial, we as humans have written just the most fucked up shit.

It's even in the Bible. Humans have been nasty forever. And it doesn't mean shit.

It's in the TV shows. It's in our movies. It's in our books. It's in our music, our podcasts, everything. Being an anti is not the way of humanity at all. Ever. Except for like... maybe the puritans but they sucked so who cares about them.

Antis believe a lie. They believe a lie and they hurt people for it. I am not in any way, shape, or form exaggerating when I say I am fearful for those who regularly interact with me, because I am worried that one day the art they make or the "clout" they carry isn't going to be enough to save them from their friendship with me and antis will tear them to shreds. Because that is how they behave. They may not think they're bullies, and they may think they're in the right, but I want you to look up the Youtube RPF kid who killed themselves over anti harassment. Look at that horrible ask I just got. This is how they behave.

And that is what proshippers stand against. It's a stance against bullying, harassment, threats. That is it. There are plenty of proshippers out in the world that would never, ever think of writing anything involving someone underage, or between relatives, or involving anything gruesome. Because that's not what it's about.

Antis are new in the world of fandom, and they are the absolute root of toxicity. I do not exaggerate. They waste the time of agencies actually trying to eradicate CSAM by sending them art someone drew of a teenage character that isn't real. They've driven people to suicide. They've outright admitted to not caring about actual humans as much as they care about fictional ships. They have shown time and time again that they are not above abuse, vitriol, and bullying. There are blogs that post stories from ex-antis who say they were afraid to say anything different than their anti friends for fear of righteous backlash.

I repeat: I am legitimately afraid that my friends are going to get dogpiled and harassed because they dare to be my friend. That fear is not baseless. And it's all because of the way antis act.

I am liberal with the block button. I try to maintain boundaries because I don't want to see any of that shit as much as they don't want to see any of mine (though only a very scant few actually block me back, which is a joke in and of itself). But it still slips through. And I hate it, every time I see it.

Because this is not the way we're supposed to be. We are not supposed to be at odds with each other. We are supposed to share and have fun and be joyful about some people in lycra.

But because some people wanted to put on the pilgrim hat and play Morality Council to someone who's been doing this for years, I gotta tiptoe around people that think I'm actually out in the world diddling children. Do you know how fucked up that is. Do you know how that feels? To not only have someone make that judgment without any evidence, but to tell it to other people who don't know me either?

When someone finally snaps and starts biting back, it's not out of nowhere. And antis never, ever see themselves as doing something wrong. But they are. They are wrong.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

Seriously, just between you and me, come here.

If you think it's wrong to bully someone because of fiction, then you're proship. That is the long and short of it. No more or less. I hate to break it to you, but that is the only definition, and anyone who says it's something else is lying to you for their own gain.

And sure, there are lots of people who try to hide behind the proship label as they do shitty things. But antis do the same. Humans being assholes and trying to blame it on something else is not new.

The fact that people have come to me and told me that the antis have made them feel uncomfortable, that they're afraid if they do something they might view as negative they might receive hate, that people are actually AFRAID of people in this fandom, is not okay.

There was a fandom I was involved in where one of the prominent people actively hated me and I was never afraid of what she would do. I am afraid of the antis in this fandom, though. Because they have teeth and they like to use them.

Fandom isn't supposed to be like this. Nobody should be screaming at teenagers for talking to adults in fandom, infantilizing them like they're not a whole autonomous human. Nobody should be telling someone to kill themselves because they ship Tuggerstrap. Nobody should be afraid of the other people in their fandom.

Antis, if any of them even read this (I doubt it, but just in case), I want you to look around. The people who are neutral are not afraid of what the proshippers will say to them. They are afraid of you. You and your ilk are the ones causing the damage, and you are the outliers in the entire world of fiction. You're a loud minority that thinks it knows better when it knows absolutely nothing.

Ruminate on that.

My blog is still a safe space from bullying, abuse, and nastiness. If someone is being mean to you, you will always find a friend here. And if you can't say the same, then what's wrong with you?

Be excellent to each other. Stop making people afraid.

And sit down and ask yourself what it is you really want when you make vague posts about people and tell people vicious, awful things. What are you hoping to gain.

#long post #important

63 notes · View notes

borathae · 2 years

Note

Hi Sibi!! ♥️ I've been reading your stories for quite a long time now and I think it's time to let you know that you are an AMAZING writer.

Since I stumbled on your blog for the first time I kept coming back to read more and I slowly fell in love with your writing. Honestly you are one of my favourite authors out there, the way you express your characters' feelings hits me deep every time (seriously I get all emotional and shit 😭), but I think what makes you special to me is how you pour your heart in every story. I can feel it every time I start a new one, you are so good at conveying your passion and creativity, and I feel so blessed that I found this place, it has become a safe space for me and I really wanna thank for creating all of this. ♥️

I read all of your jk content (i'm a lost cause with him 😭😭) and DAMN i loved literally everything you wrote about him (maybe purple rain jk has a special spot in my heart 🥺 but can you be surprised). I just want to underline how good you are at writing angst, I think it's really hard to find some good angst out there because it's difficult to give it that depth, that amount of layers that makes it believable (I hope it's not confusing). Both pr and aaol are, imo, masterpieces.

Right now I'm catching up with all of your other stories and I just finished the last chapter of SA and what can I say???? I was not ready for the INSANE plot of this story and I can't wait to read more. I love how all of the boys have a specific role inside of it and how you were able to depict such differents personalities for all of them, they all have this incredibly distinctive traits.

In conclusion, I just want to say: thank you for sharing your talent with all of us ♥️. I send you all of my love, don't ever let anything stop you, there are many others like me who will always support you ♥️♥️♥️♥️

PS.

"ALSO BOI DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU ABOUT THE JK-OC-YG FUN TIMES 🤪"

Dear author WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN AGHAIFKWBIFON you are gonna make me die here 😭😭😭

(english is not my first language, so I'm sorry if I didn't express myselr correctly)

I recieved this message during my art history class and I was sitting in the back of my class like 🥺😭 whilst squealing inside 😭

I literally don't know say, except that this is genuinely one of the most amazing and sweetest messages I have ever recieved 😭

Thank you so, so, SO MUCH!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMFG THIS LITERALLY JUST GAVE ME SO MUCH MOTIVATION AND MADE ME SO HAPPY AND I AM GOING TO CRY I FEEL SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU 😭😭😭

#asks #anon #when sad #fave

4 notes · View notes

werewolfmickdavies-moved · 3 years

Note

What do you think of Sam?

Sam is my best friend.

I mean it's more complicated than that lmao so ramble incoming in 3...2...1...

but like, I have my beef with some writing choices so like it's not a simple I like her I dont like her answer and like the writers dropped the ball on development in the later seasons in a very real way but that's not the characters fault in a vacuum so i'm not holding it against him that the writers forgot about Sam entirely except for like, Golden Time and Peace of Mind which are just some of The Most eps of all time.

So the way I tend to say it is i'm a dean coded cas girl (gn), unless cas isn't on screen then i'm a dean coded dean girl, and when neither of them are on screen i'm a sam girl.

And i dont mean that as an insult, like yes i go feral for cas because i am a cas girl at heart and i would do anything for that funky little angel and when he's not around there's Dean for me to project all my petty little traumas and daddy issues onto which is good for my brain juice - but when the story and camera bother to give Sam the spot light i'm like YES LOVE HER! DO YOUR THING WEIRD GIRL! because like Sam is insane and i'm here for it.

All of that being said like, it's a pain in the ass to find good Sam content because a lot of people who like Sam are fucking weirdos (not making assumptions about you dw as;djlf i recognize that sam fans can be totally chill because i'm totally chill and i like him so) so I make my own sometimes but like i post content across six different blogs, I have adhd and a cluster b disorder - I'm constantly bouncing around projects and experimenting so it doesn't happen often because I cant focus for shit long enough to make any mass of content but the point is if i had to assign myself with fandom terms this would be a safe sammy space but like if you want specific headcanons you gotta ask more specific questions as;ldkjf but expect an equally long ramble because that's just who I am as a person.

#s4mmysbunk3r #asks

2 notes · View notes

princecharmingmendes · 4 years

Text

Heartstrings | Chapter XII | Shawn Mendes

“ ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them.’ - unknown”

“Shawn was a huge believer that the ‘soulmates’ situation’ was the most stupid thing on the planet, specially since it was such a rare thing to find someone with the same mark as you. He would do anything he could to prevent the so called 'destiny’ from happening, but could he?”

hi, i know there’s so much going on right now and i’m not going to take this too far cause this is not a political centered blog or anything, i just think somethings need to said. i just thought i might ask you guys to see what is going on, sign the petitions, vote and if you can, donate. you can find links on my blog and even all over tumblr, it won’t take you too long to do it. and please stay safe. and in the middle of it, i’m just posting this for you to have something to ease your minds a bit and keep you occupied for a few minutes during quarantine. anyway, i hope you like it, and please give me some feedback.

*Word Count: 2.6K+.

*Warnings: cursing, angst, drinking, mentions of car crash (in case that triggers).

*Posted: June 4th, 2020.

-*-

It’s been almost a week since the last time a had an actual conversation with Shawn. I mean, even though he’s been dodging me like the plague, I wasn’t totally available as well, finals started and I was going insane. It’s no secret to anyone that I take my education pretty serious, so the whole week I’ve been studying like crazy. Mel likes to say I’ve been doing this more than ever to avoid the topic and the whole conversation with Shawn, I just like to think it’s just myself as in any end of semester. And he wasn’t ignoring me, he was just avoiding being alone with me, and according to Brian, he had been pretty off lately, and even though I really wanted to sit down with him and see what was actually happening, I didn’t have the time to, and if he wanted, he knew he could come to me.

The week went on pretty fast. Soon was Friday and I finally would have a night to myself to chill for a bit before my last week of finals started. Melissa took the opportunity to run to her boyfriend’s place, aka, Shawn’s condo, and the guys invited me over for a game night, but I told them I needed to just stay quiet and sleep. They ended up accepting it, especially cause this was no news for everyone.

So I ended up opening a bottle of wine and ordering some pizza. I took a long and warm shower, deciding to do some skin care and paint my nails nicely, and while I was doing that, I chose a random thing to let playing on my computer on Netflix to watch and just enjoy the whole night. The pizza arrived around nine and it was perfect, cause my nails were finally dry, so I went outside and grabbed it, paying and going back to my room. But ten minutes later, when I was finally eating my first slice, someone knocked on the door and it was weird, I wasn’t expecting anyone. But when I opened the door, I was just so shocked.

Shawn was standing there, looking completely lost with glassy eyes, his cheeks were pink, his hair was a mess and so were his clothes. He didn’t say anything, he just kept staring at me with a confused yet grateful expression. Shawn opened his mouth to speak but nothing came from it, so he closed it and tried speaking again, looking still like a lost puppy. I gave him some space and he just dragged himself inside, stumbling through the room and basically plopping down on the mattress, throwing his backpack on the floor and just looking straight ahead. I closed the door and walked to him, but he didn’t look up and I was starting to get worried about him, so I kneeled down in front of him, carefully placing a hand on his cheek, which caused him to immediately look down at me. I started lightly caressing his face and his eyes fluttered shut.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I asked and he nodded, but not a single word left his mouth “is it school related?” he shook his head “is it me?” he shrugged “It’s okay, have you been drinking?” and with that he nodded and I could literally see the tears forming on those gorgeous brown eyes “oh, Shawn”

I got up to my feet only to sit down beside him, quickly wrapping my arms around his torso as he nuzzled his face on my neck. I started rubbing circles on his back as he sobbed on me, pulling me tighter to his body. I’ve never seen him so broken before, at least not in a long while. Shawn was always the type that felt his emotions deeply but didn’t show, only to a few lucky people, that included his family, Brian and me, and yet, I’ve never seen him crying this bad before. He’s whole body was shaking and he was curled up seeming a lot smaller than he really is, and my heart was shattering at every little sound that left him, but I knew I couldn’t cry, even though my eyes were brimming with tears. I knew I had to be strong for him.

I kept on trying to coo him and mumble a few comforting and soothing words, but it was hard not knowing what made him feel like this. His breathing was starting to even out slowly and I was feeling a bit more relieved, and still, I didn’t stop trying to make him relax a bit, but gently playing with his curls, feeling him shiver and sigh against the sensitive skin of my neck. I placed a tender kiss on his hair and kept on playing with it. He slowly backed up a bit, his face a little bit red, with swollen and puffy honey eyes looking up at me like a little kid who’s afraid. I squeezed his hand softly to assure him that I was here for him.

“Do you want to take a warm shower?” I offered the first thing that I would like to do if I’m feeling sad and he nodded softly “it’s okay if you want to, maybe it’ll help you relax a bit”

“Okay” it was barely above a whisper but it was already enough.

“I’ll get the shower ready and-“ I was cut mid sentence by him grabbing my hand as I was standing up and keeping me by his side “come with me then, I just want to help, I’m not going anywhere, darling” I said placing my hand on his cheek and he leaned in on my touch “come on, baby”

He slowly got up, still holding my hand, and followed me to my bathroom with Mel, in which I turned on my fairy lights that I had hanging there and turned off the lights so he could have a chill environment. I turned on the hot water and back into the room to grab the backpack he brought with him, so I returned as he was taking off his pants, so I placed it there and left him to his own business. I went back to the room to kinda change the mood in there, by lightning up a candle and a few fairy lights, separating my wine and a glass for him and arranging the pizza and the bed for us in case he chose to stay.

Shawn left the bathroom with damp hair and dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, looking so so so cute, he rubbed his eyes to adjust to the light and when he focused on the room his shoulders dropped and suddenly I couldn’t breath. I didn’t want to make him feel worse, I just wanted to help.

“I’m sorry, everything can go back to normal if you want”

“It’s not that” he mumbled softly “this is perfect, you’re perfect”

“I’m not, I just figured you needed to relax a bit, want to lay on the bed? You arrived a bit after the pizza”

“‘M not hungry”

“I know, but you should eat a bit, there’s also wine” I offered with a tempting smile and he gave me the smallest one in return, but it enough to make my heart flutter.

“Kay”

“Do you want to spend the nigh? Mel is not coming back” I asked and he nodded coming to me and holding my hand, plopping down on my mattress and pulling me to him “wait, I’ll grab the pizza for us, want wine?”

“Yeah” he answered and I grabbed to glasses that were not wine appropriate and a slice of pizza for each of us.

I sat down beside him and gave him his stuff, quickly pulling up the covers and placing my notebook on my lap, quickly logging in on netflix and picking a romcom I knew he liked deep down. So we just drank a glass of wine each and ate few slices. We were just there watching and I decided to put on a face mask while the movie wasn’t over.

“What is it?”

“It’s a charcoal face mask, want to apply it too?”

“Is it good?”

“Yeah, you have to peel it off later”

“Okay, can you put it on me?”

“Sure” I said spreading the product over his face, careful with his hair, until I gave up and pulled his curls back with a headband, and cleaning my fingers on a towel I had there “done”

“I have to wait?”

“Yeah, until the movie is over”

“Okay” he replied and got back to watching the movie with me.

After another half an hour the movie was almost over and I turned a bit to look at Shawn, only to find him already looking at me with glassy eyes.

“Oh, Shawnie, what’s wrong?” I mumbled softly and he shook his head.

“Let’s take off these masks”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah”

“Okay, just peel it”

“How?”

“Like this” I said poking and end and starting to pull it.

“Holy shit, this hurts”

“Don’t be a whiny baby”

“You and I both know I am a whiny baby” he mumbled with a cute pout on his pink lips.

“Yeah, that’s true, just do it” I said holding back a laughter as I finished taking mine off.

“It hurts”

“Want me to do it?”

“Yeah” he answered and I peeled it as quickly as I could with him basically whisper-yelling “hey, you weren’t careful!”

“But now it’s over, it’s just like a band-aid”

“But all over your face”

“Yeah” I said reaching back for my moisturizer and applying a bit on his face, alongside with my lip balm “all done”

“Can I put this on your face?”

“Sure” I was honestly about to say he could do anything if that meant he would be feeling a bit better or at least distracted, just as he was right now, his tongue poking out in concentration and he softly placed the cream all over my face.

“I’m sorry for showing up out of nowhere” he said closing the lid and looking at it as if it was the best thing ever.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable yet”

“But I feel like I owe you an explanation”

“You don’t”

“I do” he said sighing softly and I decided to just give him space to talk since he wanted.

“Okay”

“I- Mum was involved in a bad car crash yesterday”

“Oh God”

“I know, and no one told me ‘cause they were afraid of how I would react and if that would ‘cause me to not take the test I had today, and I got so pissed when I found out, I just wanted to punch something, and that’s when I noticed why they’re concerned about my reaction, I guess I’m explosive and that stopped them from telling me my mother was at the hospital unconscious. And then I went straight to the hospital to see her, and then I had to come back from home cause I have tests monday and the first thing I knew I was parked outside your dorm room and I- I’m scared, Y/N” Shawn struggled to finish his sentence as he got back into sobbing and crying.

“It’s okay to be scared, baby” I said pulling him into a hug and he nestled his head on my chest, sobbing into it, as I tried my best to coo him “Karen’s going to be okay, Shawn, she’s already getting medical help, okay? You just gotta be strong for her and for Liyah, and I’m here for you, just don’t forget to breath a bit”

“Mhmm” he mumbled into my chest and I started playing with his curls.

“I would get upset too if they didn’t tell me and I would’ve gone there, and probably would’ve come back to you too, so just know you didn’t do anything wrong” I placed a kiss on his forehead and cupped his jaw “you talked to her?”

“No, she was out due to the meds they’re giving to her”

“How was your dad?”

“He said she’s out of danger when I got there, but that didn’t help me much”

“Okay, that’s a good sign, you just need to let the info sink in, right?” I asked and he just shrugged as I tried drying his tear stained cheeks “it’s okay, sweetheart, she’s going to be alright, okay?”

“I love you” he mumbled placing his chin on my sternum “so much”

“I love you too, Shawn, I’ve always loved you”

“Thank you for being here for me, this means so much” he said with puffy eyes and blushed cheeks.

“It’s my job and I’ll always be here”

“I’m here for you too”

“I know that” I smiled at him and pushed his hair back before holding his face on both of my hands “but right now, you’re the one who needs to relax and to just let go a bit, okay?” and to that, Shawn just nodded.

So I got back to playing with his hair as he nuzzled his face deeper in my chest, basically laying on top of me, not that I mind or anything, it actually feels good. We just spent so much time in silence, just waiting for his heart rate and breathing to calm down a bit, and when it did, I was so sure he was asleep, but when I tried moving to reach for my bottle of water I heard his whine in protest, and his arms tightening around me. Shawn looked up at me with his eyes lids struggling to be open and pink tinted cheeks, with a small pout and I couldn’t even move, so instead of doing what I was meant to, I just pressed a light kiss on his curls.

“You want me to leave?”

“Of course not, just wanted to reach for my water bottle, thought you’re asleep”

“Sorry, I wasn’t”

“But you should try to, specially ‘cause we still have finals and stuff, how can I help you?”

“Just keep doing what you do, baby”

“What?”

“Just this, just being here”

“Okay, can we just get ready for bed, in case either of us end up falling asleep?”

“Sure” he mumbled but didn’t move a muscle.

“Shawn, sit down for a sec, buddy” I asked nicely and he groaned, but obeyed either way.

I quickly rearranged things around us so we could actually fall asleep in peace and grabbed an extra blanket for us just in case he stole mine, even though I feel like he sleeps like a log. When I was done, Shawn just laid back on the pillows and outstretched his arms to me, making grabby motions with his hands, and I ended chuckling but also ended giving in, and then he pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight against his body. He started pressing soft kisses all over my face as I kept on giggling like a school girl.

“Stop moving” he groaned as I kept on leaning away from his face”

“God, you’re needy”

“I’m just trying to give you some love”

“Okay, but you can give it to me tomorrow, you need to rest baby”

“But-“

“No buts, Mendes, sleep”

“Fine” he mumbled with a pout that I had to resist very badly not to kiss.

“Goodnight, Shawn”

“Goodnight, baby” he said placing a kiss on the tip of my nose as I resumed playing with his hair.

And then I fell asleep, wrapped on his warmth and hoping this wasn’t just a dream or that things would finally work out to be like they’re supposed to.

-*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

let me know if you guys would like to be on a “taglist” for this series or anything else

and i’m sorry if i forgot anyone, please send me an ask or just comment down bellow!

56 notes · View notes