#my teacher also said to talk about him even if I’m sobbing while i do it but im so tired of crying. it’s not like i really stop but still

[omg-foreverfilledwithweird-posts]

It’s Been a Long, Long Time ❥

Pairing: Pre!Outbreak Joel Miller x Fem!Reader 

Summary: You’re the school nurse at Sarah’s middle school and you’re volunteered to chaperone the school dance alongside her father, Joel Miller. After some other teachers upset you there, he makes a point of showing you how he feels while also teaching those assholes a lesson. 

A/N: okay so i know i just wrote one but you guys were so sweet in the notes :) *sobbing* and im obsessed with him so another Joel Miller fic for you, this one’s more fluffy tho here’s a sweet, smutty one, inspired by that one scene in “The Lost Husband” YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, enjoy and feedback as always is appreciated >~< i cant stop writing him PREPARED TO BE SICK O’ ME

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, fluff, cheesy, just absolute fuckin fluff, mentions of death, months pre-outbreak, language, reader is insulted, slight angst, mentions of alcohol, slight age gap, reader has panic attack, public making out, jealous!reader, Joel loves his pet names, he talks you through it, oral f! receiving, p in v, praise, unprotected sex, y’all it’s a lot 

You sip on your mug full of sugary coffee and rub your temple, tired from a night of little sleep. That’s when Sarah Miller, your favorite student, patient, and professional instigator, strides through your office doors with a big smile on her face. 

You open up your snack drawer with an affectionate roll of your eyes, grab a pack of skittles, and throw it her way. 

She catches it mid-air and sits down on the bed by your door, kicking her feet while she pops only the red ones into her mouth. 

“You’re gonna get me in trouble one of these days, hun,” you breathe a laugh. 

“Don’t worry,” she sighs, still grinning. “I’m on my lunch break and I finished it fast so I could come see you.”

You smile softly behind the rim of your mug, “Well, I’m glad to see you. What is it that you’re smiling so much about?”

“Awe,” she points to your mug. “You’re using the mug I got you.”

You look at the front of the mug, the words, “World’s Greatest Grandma”, on the front of if it with the word Grandma scratched out with a wash-proof marker and replaced with “Nurse”. She claimed she couldn’t find one that said what she wanted so she had to get creative. It makes you laugh every time you pick it up. 

“It’s my most prized possession,” you nod, matching her expression. “Now answer my question.”

She leans forward, having finished off all the red skittles, and hands it back to you so you can eat the rest. 

She says it in one, hyperactive breath, “I got my dad to volunteer at the school dance!”

You choke a bit on your coffee.

Setting down the bag of skittles and your mug, you look up at her and chuckling, “Why would you want to do that? Don’t most kids want their parents far away from their homecoming?”

She shakes her head like you’re not getting what she’s saying, exasperated, “I invited him for you, Nurse y/n.”

“I- Why would you-” you let out a nervous laugh before pulling yourself together. “Sarah. Why would you invite him for me, sweetheart?”

“Because you like him,” she props her head up against the wall behind her, a sly little smirk on her lips. She crosses her legs. “Obviously.”

You sip your coffee, a small scoff leaving you, “I don’t have a crush on your father, Ms. Miller. Since when do you play matchmaker, huh?”

“Since he asks about you like all the time,” she groans. “I told him that you’re coming and he basically dropped everything to come.”

Heat blooms in your face but you clear your throat and feign nonchalance despite it. It would be incredibly unprofessional for you to have a juvenile, little crush on a student’s father. Even if he is incredibly handsome, sweet, charming, funny, and a wonderful, single father to his little girl who you also have a soft spot for. 

But you do and you’re convinced it’s a bit bigger than a little one. You don’t act on it though because you’ve kidded yourself into thinking it would go away, wither from neglect like a dying plant with no sun. However, that hasn’t worked out very well so far. 

Sarah doesn’t miss the flush in cheeks and the small smile you dawn before maintaining your composure once again. She decides to hold onto this information instead of call you out because she’s nothing if not devious. She’s very observant for a 14 year old, you’re sure she gets it from her sharp father. 

He doesn’t let anything get past him, like hair in your face that he pushes away for you, a fallen eyelash on your cheek, your shoelace undone, your ponytail getting loose and about to fall out, and whatever else. It’s been almost an entire school year of this, going on field trips, meetings, him picking Sarah up from school when she’s sick (whether she fakes it or not), and around your shared neighborhood because even if it was big in Austin, Texas, he made it feel so damn small. 

And now Sarah says this and you can’t contain your excitement. But also your nerves were shot, you haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. It scares the hell out of you.

“I’m not volunteering,” you laugh. “Why’d you lie to him?”

“Because I’m going to convince you to come,” she raises her eyebrows. “Please, please, please, please!” she clasps her hands together. “I’ll buy you all the skittles you want, I’ll take the red ones out of all of them for you, too!”

“What if I’m busy?”

“I know you’re not.”

You gasp, “Rude, Sarah! I should write you up for that,” you tease. 

She smiles, “Come on, you can come and wear a pretty dress, drink punch, and eat free food. What’s not to like?”

“The bitchy moms and other teachers, for one thing-” you put a hand over your mouth. “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I shouldn’t have said that,” you chuckle, embarrassed, with your face in your hands.

She waves you off, “My father cusses like a sailor and I won’t tell. I don’t like anyone that works here besides you, anyway.”

“Well, now I feel like I have to,” you relent with a sigh, mulling it over. She was right in that you didn’t have anything to do, so what was the risk here?  

She looks at you expectantly, mustering up puppy dog eyes to persuade you. 

“If I go... no teasing me and your dad. He and I are just good friends,” you say, which is at least half true. “We enjoy each other’s company, nothing more.”

“Uh-huh,” she says in a sing-song, knowing voice, fingers crossed behind her back. “Sure, Nurse y/n. I promise.”

“I’m serious,” you point at her, taking the last sip of your coffee just as the class bell rings. “Now get out of here and go to math.”

She groans in protest but hops down from the table anyway and fakes being dizzy, “What if I have a fever?” She coughs. 

“Then walk it off,” you chuckle, knowing she’s lying. “See you tonight, Sarah.”

She grins widely, waving, running out, “Bye! Dad and Nurse Y/n sitting in a tree-”

“Sarah!”

~~~

Walking into the schools’ gymnasium, you’re almost shaking with nerves when you walk in. You feel like a teenager again, anxious and waiting for someone to ask you to dance. 

You slipped on a black slip dress with white trim at the ends and the sweetheart neckline, it hugs your body nicely and accentuates curves, dips, and makes your skin glow with a red sweater that hits at your waist and matches your red, strappy heels. Your hair is pulled back with barrettes to show off your makeup and fresh curls. 

The dance has already started thirty minutes ago, so everyone’s already dancing and having fun to the child-friendly music that the DJ spins for the room. You pick up a red solo cup filled with crappy fruit punch and spot Sarah in the crowd with a few of her friends. 

She waves enthusiastically in your direction before running over to you and hugging your side. “You look so pretty, Nurse Y/n!”

“Thank you, sweetheart. So do you!” you hug her back, trying the punch and wincing at the off-taste. “Tonight, you can just call me Y/n, if you want.”

She smiles, glowing at your arrival, “My dad’s over there talking to another parent. I’ll go tell him you’re here.”

You look up when she says this and meet his eyes from across the room, which means he was already looking. Joel Miller cracks a lopsided smile at you, excuses himself from his conversation with a pestering mom, and crosses the room to the two of you. 

He’s wearing a red flannel shirt, rolled up on his burly forearms, tucked into a pair of dark jeans with a black belt holding the pants up. His hair is slightly wet from a shower, you presume, and he smells of aftershave and smoke and cedar wood. He looks so good, standing in front of you with those all-encompassing brown eyes, you think you might cry. 

Those said eyes fall over you, and admire your dress, your hair, your everything. He looks down at his daughter, watching you both with avid attention. 

“Don’t you have friends to get back to, chick?” he cocks an eyebrow down at his scheming daughter. 

She rolls her eyes, smoothing out her blue dress. Her hair is braided into a bun at the back of her head, matching teal flowers pinned in her curls. “Okay, dad. Have fun!”

She races back to her group of friends and leaves you and Joel alone, two awkward adults who feel like kids again.

“You did her hair tonight?” you smile softly, gushing a bit now. “It looks so nice.”

He flushes and scratches the back of his neck, “Thank you. I tried my best, she did most of it. I just wanted tonight to be perfect for her. She forced me to come, though.”

“She got me, too,” you tilt your head, biting back a grin. “She should be a lawyer when she grows up, this kid.”

He looks out at her dancing with her friends and smiles fondly, “She would be great.” His eyes fall back down to you, “You look beautiful... by the way.”

You beam, “Thank you. You clean up pretty well yourself, too, Joel.”

A blush spreads across his nose and cheeks, “Thanks. I was worried it was too simple and that I should have worn a suit... I didn’t know if it was nice enough to-”

You place your hand on his arm to stop his rambling, “You look great. Seriously. Don’t worry, all the moms and teachers will still drool over you.”

He pinches his brow when he stares down at you. You get the sudden urge to smooth out the small wrinkle between his eyebrows, ease his tensions. 

“Really?” he pins you down with his stare, but his dark eyes are glittering with amusement. “You’re way off base, sweetheart, I promise you. None of them think of me like that.”

You ignore the heat blooming in your chest at the nickname, he used it often but it never failed to make your brain short-circuit, “They all talk about you.”

He raises his eyebrows, “You’re joking.”

Jealousy swirls in your belly at the thought of these women and the things you’ve heard around school, but you pull it together with a quick tilt of your head, “I’m not laughing, am I?”

He notices your jaw clench a bit and how you gulped before speaking, logging the observations for later, “How do you notice?”

“How do you not!” you say, moving to his side and unintentionally brushing your arm against his. He shivers. “It’s obvious. It’s hard not to.”

His eyes linger on your lips before glancing back up your eyes, “Maybe I’ve been distracted.”

You grow flustered under his gaze and look ahead, stammering, “Yeah... maybe. And well... Sarah tells me that they ask her about your life in the pickup line after school. So it’s proving to be borderline obsession,” you laugh.

He smiles softly, seeing past your nerves, “Poor Sarah. She must love that,” he says dryly. 

“Sarah might say some choice words about them,” you shrug your shoulders. “She’s fine, though. I probably shouldn’t have told you, we tend to share secrets,” you look at him, filled with care for his daughter, for him.

“She adores you,” he says sincerely and you can tell by the warmth in his tone that he means it and appreciates it. “You’ve quickly become one of her favorite people within a little over half a school year. Tommy thinks you’re great too, from the few interactions you’ve had when he picks her up sometimes.”

You grin and his chest seizes at the light that exudes from your sweet expression, “Tommy’s a wonderful uncle. Good brother too. He talks about you often.”

“Oh yeah?” he looks at you, his voice sends shivers straight through you. “And what does he say?”

“Can’t betray a friend’s trust,” you shake your head, teasing. 

He discreetly shows you his flask of whiskey, “Not even if I let you drink from my emergency flask?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you one thing,” you hold up a finger and he slips you the flask, cracking a dazzling smile, while you turn around and take a long sip. The DJ transitions the E.D.M to a slow song, something sweet and best to sway to. 

He takes a long sip himself and tucks it away in his pocket again, holding out his hand to you, “Do you want to tell me while we dance, darlin?”

You look around the room, your boss nowhere in sight. There was technically no rule against dating a student’s parent, but you didn’t want the judgement. You knew the people around here talked and there would be rumors, shaming. But he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the room, putting himself out on a limb just to ask you to dance.

It didn’t have to mean anything anyway, it could just be two friends sharing a dance. You’ve danced with friends. It’s the same thing. Your internal monologue was racing a mile a minute. 

“Are we allowed to? I mean, as chaperones.”

“We’re watching the students more closely.” 

“Yeah, I just...” you pause, pinching your brow.

His face falls slightly. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he starts to pull his hand away. “It’s really no-”

You put your hand in his, “I’d love to dance with you, Joel.”

Warmth blooms in his handsome face and he pulls you into the crowd of dancing people. Joel pulls you gently towards him, placing his hands on your waist as you wrap your arms up and around his neck. You both try to keep your distance, make a good example for the kids, but it’s growing increasingly harder for him not to hold you close and kiss you right here in front of all these people. 

You catch Sarah giggling excitedly at you both dancing, whispering with her friends. You roll your eyes with a small smile. 

You look up at Joel, resisting the urge to lay your head against his chest, “You still want to know something Tommy said?”

“Desperately,” he laughs. 

“He told me you said I’m pretty.”

Rosy color spreads across his nose, but his eyes are darkened, his lips part slightly, “I should’ve known he’d tell you.”

“So he’s telling the truth?”

His eyes soften, “Of course he is.”

“Well... thank you,” you flush, blood rushing to your face, making Joel smile. You feel like a schoolgirl again. 

He chuckles, eyes searching your face, “You’re welcome.”

You tilt your head, “You’re pretty, too, Joel.”

He spins you as the song picks up a bit and pulls you back to him, your dress spinning as you do. He pulls you back against his chest, hands in against shirt and his around your waist. Warmth radiates from his broad chest, his hands are calloused even through the fabric of your slip dress, and your breath catches in your throat.

He doesn’t pay any mind to the stares he gets for doing it, but he lets his head drop to your shoulder, writing love letters in your skin when he lets out a breath. He says nothing about the compliment but he’s holding you closer, and that’s all he needs to do. A quiet understanding washes over the two of you in that moment. 

Joel’s always been the strong and silent type, but the longer the two of you have known one another, the closer you get, he’s begun to let more things slip. He begins to ramble, his nerves making an appearance when he’s near you, a teenager again. Then there are times like now when his actions do all the talking for him and neither of you need to comment on it. 

Then there are others when he won’t shut the fuck up. 

“People are looking,” you whisper. 

“Do you want me to stop?”

“...No.”

“Then why do you care what they think?”

There’s a beat of silence before you sigh out the three words, “I don’t know.”

“We’re not Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey over here, the kids will be fine,” he teases. Then he lifts his head to bring your joined hands up to his side, moving you to the changed song with the more upbeat tempo. 

You snort, “Wouldn’t that be something.”

“If we were somewhere else...” he muses, looking at you to gauge your reaction.

You meet his eyes, your own crinkling with amusement, “You’d do the lift?”

He throws his head back with a thunderous laugh, “I’d try for you.”

“Think I’m too heavy?”

“God, no,” he spins the two of you, dodging a pair of kids dancing. “I’m just old.”

“You’re like 35, Joel.”

“You’re only 27, you don’t get it yet,” he whispers into the side of your hair and you laugh, not even bothering to glance in the direction of the judgmental moms and teachers. 

Joel Miller had a talent of making you feel like the only person in the room. 

The song ends and you feel out of breath just from being this close to him. You step away from him and smile softly, “I gotta run to the restroom. I’ll be back.”

His eyes sweep over you, then he nods, “Okay.”

“What?” you grin. “No dad joke about not falling in?”

“I’m classy Joel tonight,” he chuckles. “No bathroom jokes.”

You shake your head with a laugh as you walk back towards the restrooms. Stepping inside, you move to stand in front of the mirror and grab your lipstick from your bag, fixing up your makeup. You try to calm your nerves, hands shaking when you bring the golden tube to your lips. 

After taking a deep breath, your mind begins to wander about how his hands felt on your skin and how he thinks you’re pretty. The thoughts fill your head and litter your skin with goosebumps. 

You don’t usually like being the center of attention, but with Joel around you, it was hard not to be. And you couldn’t say you minded it. 

A few other women walk through the door and you recognize them to be Bethany, Sarah’s rude math teacher, Cara, a mom who gives you trouble constantly, and Kristina, another mom who thinks Joel is hot and constantly asks Sarah questions about him. 

“Hey, y/n!” Bethany draws out in a sing-song, forced way that sends a chill through your body. “Saw you out dancing with Mr. Miller. Ain’t y’all cute?”

You look at her blankly in your reflection and she clears her throat. 

“Adorable,” Cara’s shark eyes roam you over in the mirror, making you feel small as you fix your foundation. You don’t let it show though, you weren’t going to give them the satisfaction.

“Such a shame about Joel’s wife,” Kristina hums, putting on her own bright pink lipstick. “Wonder if he’s still looking for a stepmom for sweet little Sarah.” 

The three of them laugh together and you feel your blood pressure quickly rise. Three wild vultures circling a carcass, kicking it while it’s down. 

“Can we not tonight, ladies?” you turn around to look at them. “Let’s just forget this and have fun.”

“What do you mean, dear? This is fun,” Bethany blinks her stark, blue eyes, red lips curling. “This must be a lot for her though, girls. She’s probably having a rough time considering what happened to her.”

You freeze.

“Oh yeah...” Cara finishes her makeup and frowns at you. “I remember hearing your fiancee passed away before you came here, how sad.”

Your blood runs cold, sirens going off in your head, and a pounding begins in your skull. No one’s brought up Rick since you’ve gotten here, you’ve dodged the questions from the nosy parents, the gossiping neighbors, and the rude coworkers. You don’t know how they figured it out, and now you feel it, being back in the car with Rick the night that it happened. 

Joel and Sarah didn’t even know, you had pushed it to the back of your mind so you would never find it again. Now it’s coming back like a wave, full force, and pulling you under the current until you’re drowning. 

“Then you moved here to Austin in July,” Kristina slits her eyes at you and cocks her head to the side. “Now you’re trying to get back out there with Joel, huh? Like you’d really have a chance with him.” 

She looks in your direction and it’s as if she sees right through you, past your carefully created facade and into your core, that sad, broken girl with no family left and nowhere to go. 

Your eyes fill with hot tears, you want to run away, but you can’t move. You’re frozen, feet glued to the linoleum tile. 

“I knew Rick... your fiancee,” Bethany says. “He was so sweet. We went to college together.”

“So sweet,” Cara looks at you and flashes another sickly sweet smile.

You inhale sharply, tears falling down your face. You hastily wipe it away, “I... I gotta go.”

You grab your purse off the counter and rush out of the door, slamming into a hard chest and a pair of hands that fly to catch you by the waist. 

Joel stares down at you, grounding you, and your eyes begin to brim with tears, “What’s wrong, sugar? What happened?”

The words tumble out of you, wiping away the tears that slip out while you ramble on, “Nothing, I just... the women in there, they’re horrible, they hate me, and they make me feel like shit. They brought up Rick and they think you’re hot and they think we’re dating and I just wanna go. I’m just gonna go home-”

He looks over your head at three women leaving the bathroom, waving in his direction. 

Joel looks back down at you before tucking his fingers into the straps of your dress and pulling you into a searing kiss. Your inhale sharply when his soft lips meet yours, and your hands grip onto his flannel shirt, sighing into his mouth. He slips his hands up to the back of your neck, tilting your face up to kiss you more completely, unraveling you in his capable hands. 

Bethany stares at you wide eyed, getting the other girls attention, all jaws dropped in utter shock at the image before them. 

His tongue dances with yours as he moves his lips expertly, his thumb gently rubbing against your cheekbone as he coaxes your lips open. He hums small praises while tracing shapes into your skin. You let a small noise slip past you, unable to contain how good he’s making you feel, swallowing your sadness and helping you breathe again. 

He groans as he forces himself to pull away from you, struggling not to kiss you again. Forgetting you’re not alone. 

Joel’s hands slip down to rest on your shoulders, lips flushed and swollen from the kiss, voice gravelly, “I hate terrible people.”

You look at him, mouth parted, lipstick probably smudged. He licks his lips before glaring at back at the women before they scoff and walk away, muttering under their breath. 

Neither of you get the time to speak of it before Sarah is running down the hallway, after hearing the commotion. You and Joel split apart when she comes up, and she’s smiling widely. 

“Kelsey asked if I could sleepover, can I go get my stuff at the house and go to her place? Pretty please,” she begs her dad, clasping her hands together. 

He tears his eyes away from you and nods, smiling, “Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll head home and I’ll walk you there.”

Sarah grins happily before looking up at you. “Everything okay, y/n?”

You force a smile and fix a flower falling out of her hair, “Yeah, I’m good. And I think I’m ready to go, too.”

“Do you need a ride?” Joel asks. “I know you walked here cause we all live so close, but I don’t want you walkin’ home in the dark. Also Sarah’s got control of the radio on the way back,” he offers you a grin. “She’s got good taste.”

“We’re listening to 80′s hits,” Sarah nods, taking her job very seriously. 

You nod, feeling better just by being near the two of them. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

~~~

“Head Over Heels” by Tears For Fears is blaring through Joel’s truck and you’re humming under your breath while Sarah is screaming it in the backseat. Joel laughs at his daughter in the rearview mirror. 

Grieving your boyfriend’s death has been something you’ve pushed aside for a long time. You knew these women could be catty, but you never thought they’d be downright cruel to you, bringing up Rick the way they did. Looking out the window, you think back to the moment you felt frozen in that bathroom, unable to speak or move. You feel embarrassed for not standing up for yourself, blaming yourself instead of them and their hateful words. 

Joel notices your faraway expression and rests his hand on your thigh in a way so Sarah can’t see. He rubs his thumb over your bare skin and it both calms and excites you, heat rushing to the apex of your legs. 

You let out a small sigh and lean back into the chair, resting your hand on top of his. He has to rip his eyes off of you, willing himself to ignore your pleased exhales if he was going to drive properly. 

He pulls the car into the driveway one-handed and comes to a stop, turning around to talk to Sarah, “Go grab your stuff, chick, and we’ll go to Kelsey’s.”

She nods and hops out, running towards the house.

Joel turns to you, hand still on your leg, clearly nervous, “Do you want... do you want to come inside? I have wine and some clothes you can put on, if you want something more comfortable.”

You search his set features for confirmation, “You sure? I can just walk next door to my house, I don’t wanna put you out-”

“Y/n...” he stops you. “You should know by now that if I say something I mean it, I promise you.”

You didn’t know if it was a good idea being with him alone like this, but you honestly didn’t want to be by yourself right now. 

You relent with a nod, “Alright. You had your chance to change your mind,” you flash a sneaky smile. 

The two of you step out of the car and head into his house. Sarah’s already tumbling down the stairs, changed into pajamas with a packed bag slung over her shoulder, “Ready to go when you are.”

“Damn, you got ready fast, kid,” he laughs despite himself. “Let’s go.”

Sarah runs up and hugs your side, “Bye, y/n!”

“Have fun with Kelsey, be safe, okay?” you squeeze her shoulder. 

Joel whispers to you as they walk to the door, “There’s shirts upstairs and some shorts you can borrow. Make yourself at home, okay?”

“Okay,” you smile softly. 

They head out and leave you alone in the dimly lit house. You exhale slowly and head up the stairs to go to his room. You look around at the messy bedroom, one king size bed with blue covers, and minimal decorations. It felt like him, smelled like him, cedar and oak and smoke. You open one of his drawers to grab one of his big tee shirts from work, and a pair of baggy gym shorts. 

You slip out of your dress, let down your hair, and set your red shawl down on top of it. You tug on the big tee shirt and pull on the gym shorts. As much as you had liked that dress, you feel like you can finally breathe now, much more comfortable in your sleepwear now. The clothes smelled of him, too, and it filled your chest with heat, a red glow pouring out of you. 

You’re in Joel Millers room... wearing his clothes. 

You can’t help but look around at the photos of Sarah and him in framed photos, some hung on the wall and others propped up on his drawers. There’s one photo that catches your eye in particular, though, the side of it folded in and tucked into the frame. It’s Joel smiling down at Sarah, just a baby in his arms, and there’s a part of the photograph hidden. But you spot a glimpse of a yellow dress in the corner, the rest of it hidden away. 

You wonder if it’s Sarah’s mom. You don’t know much about her, just that Sarah says she never got to know her, and hardly remembers anything about her. It broke your heart hearing that, wishing she could have, but also selfishly wanting to be that person for her.

“Found what you needed?” 

You jump at Joel’s sudden presence in the room and turn around to him. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I-”

He smirks and it feels like a lit match to your insides, “I know, darlin. Nothing to be sorry about.”

His eyes trail over you in his clothes, your arms folded under your chest, “You look good in my clothes, sweetheart. Better than I do, that’s for sure.”

You smile, “Thank you. And thanks for letting me borrow them. I feel better.”

He pinches his brow together, “Do you want to talk to me more about what happened? We don’t have to, but just know I’m here.”

You take a step towards him, “I know, I just haven’t talked about him in a long time.”

“Him?” his eyebrows raise.

You laugh at his shock, moving past him so he follows you downstairs, “Down, boy. I’m single, wouldn’t have let you kiss me if I wasn’t.”

He blushes. “Well, then, what about him?” he trails behind you to his kitchen. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

You love his Texan drawl and voice a bit too much, how deep and molasses like it was, how it coated you in sweetness and didn’t let up. Maybe it was because you weren’t from here and you weren’t used to it. But his was different and it affected you all the same. 

“I might tell you,” you hop up on the countertop. “Over a glass of wine.”

Joel cracks a smile, happily obliging your request with one of his wine bottles, “I can do that.”

He pours you a glass of red and hands it to you, “So... who’s Rick?” He sips his own.

“My um... my ex fiancee,” you say, taking a long sip of your wine. “It feels weird calling him that...” you let out a dark laugh. “-since the two of us never ended it ourselves, it sounds wrong. But he uh-” your voice gets thick. “He died the beginning of last year.”

His face falls, genuinely on your behalf, wanting to wrap you in his arms, but also wanting to let you continue, “I’m so sorry, y/n.”

You’ve heard that more times than you can count from friends, family, and strangers alike, but from him, it’s one of the most sincere you’ve ever heard. You actually believe he truly cares and you wonder why you didn’t tell him sooner, maybe worried you’d scare him off. You wanted a fresh start in a place where no one knew Rick, where no one knew what happened. 

“Thank you,” you sniff, mustering up a small, grateful smile before you continue. “It was New Year’s Eve. I didn’t know he had been drinking... he really seemed fine,” you recount like it was just yesterday that it happened. 

“He didn’t see the ice on the roads,” you take another long sip, hands shaking again. You clear your throat, “I tried to help him, I thought we would be fine. But there was a bridge... and we went off. He got me out,” you blink the tears away, breathing out the words as if expelling them from your person. Like you wouldn’t have to hold onto them anymore. “He didn’t.”

“I’m alive because of him,” you inhale sharply, finally looking at Joel. “And he’s dead because I didn’t notice...”

He frowns, “It is absolutely not your fault, y/n. It’s a horrible thing that happened and it is not because of you.”

You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand and it breaks Joel’s heart a bit more and more, “I haven’t thought about it in so long. And they brought him up in the bathroom. I don’t know how they found out, I haven’t told a soul here.”

Protectiveness slips into his deep tone of voice as he steps towards you, it sends a shock through you, “What did they say about him?”

You shake your head, letting out a laugh, “It’s not important.”

“It is absolutely fucking important,” his eyes darken when he speaks to you, you’d never seen him so worked up before. “I’ll go to the damn superintendent if I have to, they’re grown ass adults. They shouldn’t use the death of your fiancee against you.”

You can’t help but let a smile slip through, “It’s cute how mad you are about this.”

He scoffs, mirroring your amused expression, “Believe me, I’ve dealt with the wolves before. They ask you inappropriate questions and dig into your personal life, pushing your boundaries like it’s nothing. No one can have any secrets around here.”

“Yeah,” you sniff. “I noticed that.”

There’s a beat of silence before he sighs and says quietly between the two of you, “When they found out about Sarah’s mom leaving her when she was a baby, they brought it up to her at a school picnic. Made her feel small. She ran home, crying her eyes out. I’d never seen her so upset. I was scared what I would do. It broke me.”

You nod in understanding, “That’s awful, Joel. I’m sorry. For you and for Sarah.”

“The next time they brought it up, Sarah asked Bethany why she’d been divorced six times. You should have seen the look on her face,” he laughs and you join him, throwing your head back at the mental image of Bethany’s pinched, angry face. 

“Oh my god, I love Sarah so much,” you let your head fall into your hands, still laughing loudly in the otherwise silent kitchen. 

“I was very proud,” he grinned. 

“I’d hope so,” you tilt your head slightly. “She gets it from you. I wonder how she got that information about Bethany.”

“Beats me,” he smirks and you narrow your eyes affectionately in his direction. “Smart kid, that one.”

The two of you let the moment sink in for a bit in the silence. Joel’s standing between your legs now, hands on either side of your thigh, steadying himself. He searches your face like he did at the start of the evening, fingers itching to touch you again. 

“Should we...” you finally say, pulling you both back into reality. “Should we talk about the kiss back there?”

“What’s there to talk about about?”

You frown, filling with a sense of dread that you’ve misread this entire night, “What do you mean?”

He jumps to fix what he said, hands falling to splay out on your thighs, “No, baby, wait not like that-” he sighs. “Shit, I’m sorry, I’m out of practice with this, sweetheart-”

You press a kiss to his lips, causing him to abruptly cease his rambling. You tilt your head and pull away from hm after just a couple seconds. He leans against you even after you’re away from him, lips trying to follow you. 

“I just meant...” you whisper with a small smile, looking up at him through your lashes. “Like what does this mean? Because I haven’t done something like this since Rick and I’m trying not to feel guilty...”

“Guilty bout what?”

“For moving on.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty for that,” he shakes his head, lowering his voice. “I understand if you’re not ready though. It took me awhile, to open again, I still haven’t completely... But I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. And I know I’ve never met Rick, but I believe he’d want you to be happy. With whoever, even if it’s not me.”

Your heart cracks open at the sweetness of his words, splitting you in two right in front of him. You know you shouldn’t feel bad, even if you’ve moved on from loving Rick, a part of you will always mourn and have a place in your heart for him. You needed to realize there was more than enough room to let other people in too. 

Your eyes soften, “You’re more out of practice than I thought if you think I’ve moved on with anyone else but you, Joel Miller.”

His eyes darken with something like raw desire and complete adoration, something like love that you haven’t seen in a long, long time. You don’t know if he’s been looking at you like this all along and if you’ve just now begun to notice. 

Joel leans down to whisper to you, hand on your neck, thumb tucked under chin and other fingers on the side of your throat, squeezing just so. You dreamed of this, thought if he would be rough or sweet, when he was really a stunning, swirling mix of both. 

“You were so jealous earlier,” his voice is wrecked in your ear, low and gravelly. “I thought I was just imagining it at first, but talking about those moms that think of me, you got so red. It was so sexy, sweetheart.”

You gasp a little, wanting to deny it, tease him. But who were you both kidding? You were jealous, and now there’s a warm satisfaction in the center of your chest at the fact they were wrong. Singing insults, saying he wouldn’t want you. Now you’re in his kitchen in the middle of the night wearing his shirt and he’s in between your legs, pressing against you. 

“They said I didn’t have a chance with you,” you tangle you hands in his shirt, tugging him closer. 

He shakes his head, eyes never leaving you, “I’m only yours, baby. Always have been.”

You all but pounce on him in that moment, wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him close. He laughs just before you softly press your lips against his, the rumbling, beautiful sound vibrating against you. You’re tugging at each other almost immediately, his hands pulling and sliding up and down your waist while your arms wrap around his head. You fingers slide through his brunette curls, pleasantly humming at the satisfaction of knowing his hair is just as soft as you imagined, how even his rough hands feel gentle, and how his lips move with yours, slowly, languidly, painfully. 

“You’re beautiful...” he kisses the words into your neck, repeating it over and over. “My beautiful, beautiful, girl.”

“Joel...” you sigh out and tilt your head back. 

“Puts your arms around my neck, baby,” he whispers, arms pulling your legs up so they wrap around his torso. “What I want to do to you won’t work exactly on my kitchen counter.”

You quickly oblige him and he carries you up his stairs, your hands and lips never leaving each others. He stumbles while holding you, making you giggle into his shoulder, shrieking when he almost drops you.

“Was this the kind of lifting you had in mind with me tonight?” you smile softly into his skin. 

He kicks open his bedroom door, “I’ve always had this in my mind, sweetheart.”

You both drop onto the bed, wanting to take this slow but also get to what you’ve both been wanting as soon as possible. He’s atop you, hands on either side of your head while you kiss like college students, handsy and messy and surprisingly amazing. How fast you two fit together, how good it feels. He grinds his lower half into yours. You moan into his mouth, earning one from him, both enjoying and exploring the other. 

“I wanna taste you, sugar,” he lifts your chin up with his fingers, kissing down your chin then your neck then your collarbone and chest. 

You wordlessly slip off your, his, shirt revealing that you have nothing on beneath it. He inhales sharply, taken aback by you. Your fingers scramble for the buttons of his flannel and you honestly think you break a few, moving so quickly. 

“Impatient, are we?”

You look up at him through your lashes, “Just know what I want.”

Joel shrugs off his shirt, undoes his belt, and pulls off his jeans. You barely have time to admire his toned body, broad shoulders before he descends. He tugs off your, his, shorts, tosses them, and kisses everywhere his fingers leave, wet, open mouthed whispers against hot skin that make moisture pool between your thighs. His lips trail from your belly to your inner thighs and back up again. 

“Nothing underneath?” he kisses the soft flesh, noting the slick at the apex of your legs. “This all for me, darlin?”

You nod when he licks a stripe up your cunt, “Only you, Joel.”

He buries his face in you, eating you out like a man starved, rutting against the bed like he’s enjoying it as much as you are. You all but scream at the way he’s unraveling you with his tongue, circling your clit, accompanying his skilled mouth with his equally capable fingers, bigger than yours

When you tug at the ends of his hair, he groans into you, the noises fueling the coil in your gut, begging it to splinter and snap. He sucks hard and you let out a loud moan at the feeling. He holds you down against the bed with a palm flat against your stomach as you begin to lift your pelvis. Joel’s tongue enters you while his fingers take over, stimulating you with gentle rubs and flicks. 

Your orgasm washes over you, the pressure relieving through every nerve and vessel, his name a prayer leaving you over and over. Wishing for him to come fix you again. 

You pull him up to you and bring him down to press your lips against his. He melts into you, arms wrapped around you while he holds you close, filling you out in all the right places while you taste yourself in his kiss. 

“Can I...?” you ask him, hands slipping down to palm him through his boxers. 

He groans, head falling into the crook that meets between your neck and shoulder, “As much as I would enjoy that, baby... we’re gonna need to do that later. Need to be inside you.”

You look at him for a moment, just breathing him in as cheesy as it sounds. It’s only hit you now how much you’ve been longing for this.

“You have all of me,” you tell him, moonlight sculpting his handsome features. 

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that, y/n...” your name is blanketed by his voice, delivered to you in the way Zeus gives the world lightning. Simple bursts of electricity that can tear the earth. 

You hold his stubbled jaw in your hands, rubbing his cheek with your thumbs. He doesn’t remember a time anyone has ever looked at him like you do, gently, adoringly, openly.

Joel puts his lips near your ear, kissing your temple, “Are you ready for me, sweetheart?” 

You nod as he pushes himself inside you and you bite back a moan into his shoulder. 

Your hair is in messy tendrils in every which way and you’ve never been more breathtaking to him. The color of your eyes brighter, skin flushed with warmth, and lips puffy. His eyes scan over your face, committing your soft and sharp features alike to memory. Lust blown and glowing with dewy sweat. 

“Eyes on me, beautiful,” he holds your jaw in his hand, kissing you again. 

He quickens his pace and you whine into his mouth, nails digging into his skin. You wrap your legs around his torso and he hits you so nicely. He rises and looks at you, lips swollen and red from kissing, eyes clear and pupils large, and face flushed with heat. 

“You’re doing so good for me,” he praises in your ear, littering kisses across your jaw. “Wanted you for so long...” he find your lips again with his own.

You mewl into his lips, licking his tongue as he pushes inside you again and again and again.

This past year of stolen glances and touches seem so pointless when it could have been this, this beautiful mess of limbs and lips and tongue. You never knew euphoria until this moment. 

Joel’s hips begin to stutter and you’re both already close to release. You lick up his throat and kiss a constellation across his jaw, feeling him gulp under your touch.

“Keep kissing me like that, sugar, and I’m done for.”

You can’t help yourself, overwhelmed with feeling as the two of you reach your climax together. Blissful and stupid. His lips wander down your neck and nipping that sweet spot, as you arch into him.

You whimper and his movements slow as do yours, walls tightening around him. He reaches down and rubs your clit with his expert fingers. 

You finish together, mouths open and hands all over each other’s bodies. It overcomes you in a tingling, perfect sensation, continuing on in euphoric waves, leaving you aching and wanting more. He kisses you through it and it aches, all of the love you have pouring into him and him into you.

As you both lay there, chests heaving slips parted, he smiles down at you.

“Will you go out… with me?” Joel says sweetly, kissing your temples. “That usually comes first but we- I…”

You interrupt his nervous ramblings with a soft kiss, “The answer is always yes.”

You interrupt his nervous ramblings with a press of your lips quietly, “Yes. The answer is always yes.”

Joel rubs his knuckles over your cheek, softly and adoringly he looks at you. You tuck yourself into his arms under the blankets. Your chests heaving, out of breath but happy. Everything you both have wanted for a long, long time, laying right in front of each other. 

“Can I...” he searches your face, face red and nervous you’ll say no even when you’re in his arms. “Can I take you out tomorrow? I usually do that before this, but we just... I-”

You interrupt with a kiss, his new favorite thing, whispering, “Yes, Joel. The answer is always yes.”

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #the last of us #the last of us smut #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal joel miller #fanfiction #smut #bella ramsey #ellie the last of us #ellie

[s0ulryo]

Headcanons for dottore in his time in the academya with a crush who's nice and friendly with him?? Love seeing this loser obsess with someone who showed him kindness for the first time lmao

Il Dottore Having a Crush Headcanons [Sumeru Akademiya Edition] ⋆*.✩‧₊˚

[Dottore x Reader]

Synopsis: Il Dottore having a crush on another student.

Tags: Mostly fluff, a little crackish, soft headcanon, slight cw obsessive Dottore, and slight violence.

Notes: Oocish? Proofreadish??? I love Dottore. I ran out of ideas after the third sentence #igetstuckeasy. Gets really rambly. It's not super great so i might fix it later Also, it’s like 4 am :sobs: ALSO THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST ANON <3333. Please tell me if you enjoyed!!

(Reader is always gn unless otherwise specified.)

Dottore being shunned for being a "monster" and "madman" wasn't anything new – he was kicked out of his home for his scientific experimentation concepts, and now he is being rejected by the students and teachers at the akademiya for the same thing.

However, you are the exact opposite. Most of the time at least. Before you associated yourself with Il Dottore, you were admired and respected by your peers. You weren’t as smart or as talented as the other students, but you were a pleasant person to be around and that’s what the other people at the akademiya liked about you.

The way you met Dottore wasn't the most...conventional. You saw Dottore getting beat up by one student in a classroom, and you were feeling like a menace that day; so you simply hit said bully over the head with a book – hard. He’ll be fine right? A small blackout never hurt anyone anyways.

Dottore was confused. He also was quite concerned, you were standing over him and the other guy with a book in hand. Why wouldn’t he be concerned? 

You handed Dottore the book and left the classroom after that. You didn’t know him that well, you saw him around campus once in a while and you heard the rumors about him, but you never really talked to him. In all honesty, you didn’t care about him or his rumors. ‘Madman’ this, ‘homicidal maniac’ that, he’s passing his classes with higher marks than everyone else so he has to be doing something right. Right?

Ever since Dottore ‘met’ you, he’s been preoccupied with trying to find out more about you. Most people don’t hit a stranger over the head with a book. He’s overheard conversations about you and has been trying to find out what kind of person you are. Most people at the akademiya despise him – do you despise him too? Did you want a favor from him? So many questions about you plagued his mind since that day.

The first time you had a verbal conversation with Dottore was after one of your classes. You were having an existential crisis behind a building because you slept through your lecture and didn’t understand half of the material, and he was trying to hide from other students.

“I’m so going to fail, what does this even mean – maybe it’s not too late to drop out...”

“[Name] it’s halfway through the second semester, yes it’s too late to drop out now.” 

At that moment, you started to realize that you didn’t really like Dottore. He’s not…awful, it’s more like he laughed at you mid-breakdown. Yeah, you can have inhumane experimentation ideas, but laughing at your panicked state was a big no-no. (It’s fine, you started to like him more as you got to know him better.)

You proceeded to try to subtly avoid him after that. You were polite to him because you had to be, but you didn’t want to deal with him too much after that conversation, but that’s hard to do when you saw him almost everywhere. Dottore was like gum stuck to your shoe that you couldn’t get rid of. 

Honestly having him around you wasn’t too bad, and after a little bit, you started to enjoy his presence. You kept the bullies away from him, and he helped you pass the classes that you tended to sleep through. Sometimes you felt sorry for him though, he is a little odd – if you count inhumane scientific suggestions as odd; but they’re just suggestions, right? So no harm done. Plus, his ideas were slightly interesting if you thought about it. 

The more you willingly hung out with Dottore, the more he grew addicted to the feeling. After a certain point, he starts to think of you as a close friend. Seeing how you were his only friend.

Dottore as your friend is a good and bad thing. It’s a good thing because he’s extremely helpful when it comes to your classes and he’s an entertaining person to be around, but it’s a bad thing because he’s such a wildcard.

He’ll bully you and pull pranks on you all the time. Your least favorite prank that he pulled on you was when he hid your Sumeru Akademiya uniform from you. Or when he promised to help you study but spoke in Fontaine/Fontais (French) the whole time.

I think Dottore’s feelings for you kind of snowballed. It slowly built up till the realization just kind of…crashed into him. He confirmed his feelings for you after he received a birthday gift from you. It was something really trivial honestly. He offhandedly mentioned that it was his birthday a few days prior and was surprised to see you with a neatly wrapped package the next day at his front door.

“Why are you here [Name]?”

“This is for you Dottore.”

Dottore looks at you puzzled “A package?”

You sigh “A gift you idiot. A gift for you – for your birthday.”

Looking at you like you're the weirdest thing he has seen he says “A gift for my birthday?”

“Yes Dottore, a gift for your birthday.”

“Why would I need a gift for my birthday?”

“Have you never received a birthday gift before Dottore?”

“...No?”

He was pleasantly surprised to see a mini tool kit inside the package. You knew he liked tinkering with stuff, and he was surprised you remembered that. He just kind of stood there in thought for a bit after that and was like 'wow this is nice, someone cares about my wellbeing'.

I also think Dottore would try to impress you by complimenting you or trying to “flirt” with you. Keyword – try. He’s so shit at it, it’s not even funny. He tries, he really does. He just wants you to feel like how he feels when he’s around you. He’s just not as good with his words as you are, though that could be because he was shunned by mostly everyone in his life for his whole life. 

When he’s complimenting you it either doesn’t make a lot of sense or it’s extremely backhanded, and when he’s trying to flirt with you he either forgets what he was supposed to say or just starts to insult you.

“[Name] if you were a…”

“If I was a?”

“I forgot what I was going to say [Name].”

Dottore isn’t really the type of person to do anything when he has a crush on someone. He won't actively try to seek out a relationship with you mainly because he doesn’t want to ruin the relationship he has with you. He may be bad with social cues, but he understands if you don’t reciprocate the feelings he has for you it could mess up your guys’ current relationship.

On a different note, he’d do anything for you. You were the only person who really showed him any form of kindness, even if that kindness was extremely minuscule at first. He appreciates everything you've done for him – whether that’s getting him gifts, or cooking him meals, he’s really thankful you do that for him. He’s just so whipped for you.

Il Dottore is a man that found an obsession with the feeling of being wanted. A feeling that you have provided for him, and one day he hopes he can tell you how he feels.

#s0ulryo #s0ulryo writes #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #geshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin headcanons #il dottore x reader #dottore x reader #il dottore #il dottore genshin #il dottore headcanons #dottore headcanons #dottore #dottore genshin #dottore fluff #s0ulryo + anons #s0ulryo asks

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

Thoughts on “Loser Baby”

—TW: talk about sexual assault/self-blaming for SA/internalized victim-blaming

I watched episode 4 of Hazbin. Warning that this will be partially more of a personal vent as well.

In regards to everything with the discourse surrounding episode 4–The arguments on Threads and all the talk about depiction of sexual assault and abuse. Well, it’s made me reflect a bit on my own assault.

And what made me reflect on it more than anything wasn’t actually “Poison”, although I will talk about my personal feelings on that later, it was “Loser, Baby”

I want to talk about my thoughts on the song—but before I do I’m going to talk briefly about my experience with sexual assault.

If I’m being honest, I feel like I have to bring it up. With all the contention surrounding the episode, I’m worried that if I try and just give my opinion, fans of the series will try and “disprove” my feelings or opinions on the song and episode.

Or say that I’m shutting down victims, even though I’m just trying to talk about how the song made me feel in relation to my own experience with sexual assault.

So. Here we go.

Final tw—talk of sexual assault/groping/internalized victim-blaming

I hesitate to even call it an assault, because I was groped, and I feel guilty calling it that. Like, there are victims who have been actually physically assaulted and raped and had it so much worse, and so I don’t have the right to call it “assault”.

Maybe I minimize it because it makes it less scary, the idea that there are people who just believe they can do whatever they want to you and your body. I don’t, and won’t, call myself a survivor because I just can’t when I think about everything others have had to go through and still survive. All I had to survive was the shame of what happened to me, and the shitty hangover I had the next day.

Anyway.

When I living abroad as a teacher, I was groped by a stranger multiple times while I was out drinking with coworkers. I didn’t speak the local language fluently. I’m pretty sure I was 24.

At the time I was really really drunk. I don’t remember a lot of that night, just that every-time I got up from our booth to go to the bathroom or get a drink this old man at the bar kept touching my ass.

And I remember not understanding what was happening at first, and then slowly realizing the situation. After that I know I drunkenly I told him off to his face angrily. I remember shouting “I do not forgive you” in the local language. I remember storming outside the bar. I remember that when I was screaming at this man who believed he had the authority to touch my body without my consent, he was smirking and smiling at me, unimpressed by my indignation.

My coworkers came outside and asked me if I needed a taxi to get home but I was so embarrassed that I said I was okay and walked home. I called my friend who was also a foreigner like me and told her what happened. I talked to her most of the walk home, and she comforted me and distracted me by telling me about her day when I asked her to.

I remember as I got close to my apartment I finally fell apart. I just have this memory of leaning up against a telephone poll down the street from my apartment building and sobbing against it. It was probably somewhere between 1 and 2 in the morning, and I had never felt more alone in my life.

I felt so embarrassed and so so stupid. Like. Why had I decided to drink that much? If I hadn’t I would’ve been able to tell what was going on sooner. Maybe I could have stopped it! Maybe the guy wouldn’t have touched me at all if I had been sober! I felt humiliated and violated and like I had made a fool of myself.

In short. I felt like a loser.

What I’ve come to realize since then is that no. I am not a loser. I didn’t do anything wrong that night.

It was the man that groped me, the man that wrongly believed he had a right to touch my body wherever he wanted, who was the loser.

I think that’s why the song “Loser Baby”, to me, is so so much worse than anything Poison could have portrayed. And why it feels so so unnecessarily hurtful.

I don’t want to “reclaim” the feeling I had that night. I want to scream and scream and scream at the man who assaulted me until his head pops like a balloon.

I want to tell EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. Who has ever been touched or groped or assaulted or worse that, no, it’s not your fault. It will never be your fault. You did not do anything wrong. You are not to blame for this. You are not a loser, and you have nothing, nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of.

And. I think I also want to somehow minimize what happened, because I know that worse has happened to other people.

When I think about this—and don’t worry, I think about it very rarely now—but when I do, a part of me says “you’re complaining about that? A couple of ass pats and grabs? What’s wrong with you? Other people have been raped! What you went through was nothing! Quit whining and feeling sorry for yourself”

And the same way I try to minimize my own feelings and pain about when I was sexually assaulted, Husk minimizes Angel Dusts feelings and trauma around his abusive relationship. I realized that was a big part of why the song upset me so much too.

In the show Husk sings to Angel about how he’s being a baby. About how he’s whining and lots of people have it bad or are also in shitty situations and are losers so he should embrace it. That they’re losers together!

Except after seeing the beginning of the episode and after seeing the montage of abuse Angel went through in Poison, I don’t want him to think he’s a loser. He’s not. He’s not sloppy seconds, he’s not used goods, or a degenerate, or a cum-dumpster, or “problematic”.

He’s not those things to me anyway. To me, he’s an abuse survivor who deserves love and respect and to be told that he is not to blame for his abuse.

And I really don’t think the intent behind the song was to say that he is all those things and that he is truly a loser. At least. I hope that wasn’t the intent. But I personally have a really REALLY hard time interpreting it any other way.

If the song makes you feel empowered, or safe, or anything positive, I want you to know that I am truly, truly not trying to take those feelings away from you. Nothing I say can invalidate your feelings, your opinions, your passion for things you love. Please remember that.

I’m just talking about my experience and my own feelings regarding the song and the episode. And well.

It made me feel real bad.

(Final note—it’s okay to reblog this—but PLEASE do not use it as a way to shut survivors or victims who feel differently than me down. Please don’t use it to invalidate anyone’s feelings or opinions. I wanted to share my feelings here, because I felt strongly about doing so, because I felt like maybe I was just crazy and the only one feeling hurt by this at all, and because I knew if I didn’t get them out somewhere I was just going to fester on them until I got even more upset.)

#funhouse convo #Hazbin hotel critical #Hazbin hotel critique #Hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel episode 4 #hazbin hotel spoilers #loser baby #loser baby was like a slap in the face honestly #vent post #personal vent #media criticism #media critique #angel dust hazbin hotel #angel dust poison #poison

[ughgoaway]

happy (late) halloween omg ace! i am so glad to see we are all in shambles over the halloween show i swear matty chose violence (quite literally) with the patrick bateman costume like..... will instantly be imprisoned if I voiced my thoughts about those photos bye-

also the halloween blurb???????? mainly just sending this to scream ab how it literally killed me bye this is so stupid but it instantly made me so happy to read after work and oh i am weepy and weak at the idea of annie masterminding a group costume 😭 even the simplest or ur writings i absolutely adore (still not over the massive list of pre reader dad matty blurbs oh that made my DAY i tell u...)

can we just.... the idea of annie begging u to join them trick or treating,,,, and reader meeting mayhem and mayhem holding the candy bucket in his mouth while annie shows u how well she can walk the 'massive horse dog' 😭😭 and the way u just fit in their unit together so well... oh matty absolutely can feel his heart bursting at the sight gn (and also u getting mistaken for being annies mom/his wife multiple times and the way he just cannot handle how oddly right it feels.... bye!)

(bff anon hopes ur doing better ace! just know basically anything u post..... ive basically read bye need to stop lurking like an insane person 💀 xx)

HAPPY VERY LATE HALLOWEEN!!! It is my fault this is so late, I just couldn't stop talking… are we shocked tho? Jail is calling my name with some of the things I said in dms… let alone my thoughts FUCKING HELL. it was too good-

Stop I'm so glad you liked it, I just love them on Halloween so much. The fact that it made you happy after work actually just added 20 years to my life I'm so glad!!!! I made your day?!?!? Please I'm gonna vomit. You are so sweet and kind. Those ideas were all so fucking good, a google doc has been created bc I loved them so much. You are a genius truly.

Literally, this idea has been living in my mind rent-free in my mind ever since you sent it. MAYHEM HOLDING THE BUCKET YOU'RE KIDDING. Any mayhem content and I am obsessed (hence the mayhem reference in the actual fic), but this image has me sobbing.

(lots more insanity below the cut)

I am gonna alter what you said so slightly bc teacher girlie is PROFESSIONAL and she has work/life boundaries… sometimes… let's say Annie does BEG you to come trick or treating with them and you have to break it to her that you definitely cannot do that but you hope she has the best time ever. “But miss y/n I want you to meet my doggy, he's coming with us. He's gonna be scooby doo! My daddy is shaggy, and I’m Daphne. He's trying to get my uncle George to be Fred, but he wants to have a party with my auntie Charli. They are gonna be-” You have to cut in before Annie gives you a detailed list of everyone she knows costumes (but also, isn't the Scooby gang iconic for them all?!). 

You, of course, have a pumpkin out and are waiting for trick-or-treaters and have the full-size chocolate bars because you always wanted to be that house. A knock at your door happens, and you come running to it in your Wizard of Oz costume. Who is behind that door but the whole Healy family? Matty just makes a noise of shock that he later over-thinks massively, “but Ross, it was such a weird noise. I basically choke-coughed at her. No stop laughing-” Ross eventually assures Matty you didn't notice. 

You did and later tease him about it when you finally get together, “I swear I had to actually bite the inside of my cheek to not laugh, it was so ridiculous” and Matty is like “Can you blame me?? You were in that cute little dress, and you had those plaits with the bows on the end. You were asking me to choke on thin air when you dress like that, sweetheart.” And you're like… “well I think I still have that costume in my wardrobe upstairs if you'd be interested in-”. Immediately, his face lights up, “WHICH ONE? THE BIG WARDROBE OR THE SMALL ONE?” he shouts whilst dragging you up the stairs as you giggle uncontrollably.

Anyway, sorry I got distracted, HALLOWEEN! They're reasonably late in the night, and somehow Matty gatherers himself enough to talk to you, “ohmygod hi!” he says and awkwardly waves, another moment he thinks about far too often (“Why couldn't I do anything normal around you.” and you reassure him “dont worry, babe. it was cute, I swear”) 

Annie perks up and shows you mayhem who just adores you, wagging his tail and you bend down to his level and he's licking all over your face and you just can't stop laughing, matty is mortified. “Oh god y/n I’m so sorry he isn't normally this friendly, very weird actually… but please just- oh mayhem please can you stop-” and he's tugging at the lead trying not to die of embarrassment.

You insist it is fine, and Annie begs you to walk him “Just for a little bit miss y/n! Because then you can see how strong he is and then how strong I am because I walk him all by myself” This comment has you looking at Matty behind her who just shakes his head, confirming that this, in fact, is not true and just another Annie exaggeration.

You agree, grab your bag and come to walk with them for a bit, only after confirming with Matty about 30 times that it's really okay, “are you sure I do not want to intrude” you ask and Matty just dies at your kind eyes looking up at him whilst cuddling mayhem.

“Of course! I'm sure Dorothy would be good friends with the Scooby gang. Please, walk with us” and he offers his hand to pull you up. It's the first time you've really touched, and god, the spark flying thing may seem like a fairytale, but you both swear in that moment that you actually get a shock from the touch. Of course, his hand lingers a little longer than necessary as you stare at each other just vaguely holding hands. Your brain catches up, and you start moving, but god, you wish that moment could've dragged on forever, as does Matty.

As soon as you and Matty get properly talking, you end up walking with them for a longgg time. One house in particular though makes a mistake that lives on in infamy in your relationship in the future.

“oh god, that one house that thought we were together, that moment was on replay in my head for weeks after. The idea that someone else could see us together just confirmed to me I was head over heels for you, and then sadly solidified that it couldn't happen after you corrected her and I was sharply reminded you were my daughter's teacher”

Maybe it's an older woman who opens the door and jumps at mayhem originally but is soon cooing over him and giving him milk bones, “What a pretty boy” and Annie is giggling and telling the woman all about her “horse dog” (nice reference btw bff anon I love u).

Soon, she looks up and actually addresses you and Matty, “Sorry! You must be mum and dad. What a lovely little girl you've raised, and what a beautiful couple you are! Reminds me of me and my husband, constantly talking and laughing” You and matty just stand there open-mouthed like fish for a good few seconds. Annie is, of course, laughing hysterically. You both stutter out explanations, “Oh no-” “Oh I'm actually her teacher. It's a funny story so they knocked and i was like-” Of course, the woman apologised profusely, but the comment haunts you and Matty for WEEKS.

Perhaps a few more people coo at your “lovely family” and perhaps you just… stop correcting them…

Cut to Matty talking to himself (and mayhem) at 3 a.m. in the kitchen whilst making tea, “No it's totally normal people thought that. Man + woman + child + dog = family. and so what we stopped correcting them?? That's normal too… We just got sick of it. And it's also fine that it made me feel weird. It was a weird situation. Anyone would get butterflies at someone saying they're a nice couple. Right, mayhem?” and Mayhem somehow gives him a look that says “Really?” and Matty sighs and nods.

I think this might be the moment he goes “fuck.” and realises he really does like you. And he just… freaks out. Calls Ross and talks a million miles an hour.

I'M SO SORRY I LITERALLY CANT SHUT UP, WHEN WILL I STOP?!

I am doing much better and I literally cannot believe someone likes my bullshit enough to read my posts, I am genuinely obsessed with you?!?! KEEP LURKING I LOVE IT! I LOVE YOU!!!

blurb masterlist here!!

#late Halloween stuff bc i love Halloween too much #the idea of trick or treating with matty has killed me thanks for asking #ace cant shut tf up again #bff anon <33333 #anon! #teacher au! #matty healy fanfic

[foreststranger]

JING YUAN - Trailblazer Gets Paid

ꜱᴛᴀʀʀɪɴɢ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

↳ 『honkai: star rail』jing yuan & child gn!reader (adoptive parent/child familial dynamic) ft. yanqing as a younger (?) brother

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

↳ based on a request i’ve gotten (read it here) in case you couldn’t tell, i did not “get it done tomorrow.” anyway i was unsure of the motive behind reader running away so I’m hoping my idea was what you were looking for, anon 👍 ALSO SORRY FOR ALTERING IT A BIT IDK HOW TO WRITE TIME SKIPS AND STUFF SO

𑁍 ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 2.0k

ɴᴏᴛᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

↳ SORRY THIS TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED I’VE BEEN REVAMPING HOW I DO TEXTS IN MY FICS WHILE TRYING TO WRITE THIS AND IT’S BEEN TAKING SO LONG THE PROCESS IS IMPOSSIBLY TEDIOUS GGGGHHHH anyway my first request yay i usually write romantic pairings so this is a step out my comfort zone but i hope i could do this idea justice. i love doing requests and i wish i had more lol (cough cough). sorry if this is messy btw ANYWAY this fic lowkey had me sobbing jing yuan would literally be the best dad ever (to my children cough cough) ALSO HAPPY MONTHIVERSARY TO MY ACCOUNT WOOOOO ALSO ALSO, AGAIN, THIS IS VERY UNPOLISHED AND I’M POSTING THIS AT 4AM SO SORRY IF STUFF IS WHACK AT THE END

An heir. A successor. Some would kill for the power of controlling an army, for the power of an entire ship of the Hexafleet.

Yet, you were running away from home for that reason. Though he’d never said it, you could tell that Jing Yuan wanted you to take on his responsibility when he eventually couldn’t.

And were you ready for that? No. Absolutely not. To have the weight of the Luofu on your shoulders, to carry the burden of being General… You were never going to be ready.

You hear your phone’s notification going off maybe ten times before it goes quiet. Yanqing must have finally read your texts.

You don’t bother responding to his messages, continuing down the street while trying to ignore the dinging and buzzing from your bag. Even at night, the Luofu does not rest. The sky is a flurry of blinding colours, leading your way to… somewhere. Streetlights still glow brighter than ever, and many people rush by you — seemingly coming from nowhere.

You’re running away. You’re actually running away.

It’s not like Jing Yuan is a horrible father. In fact, quite the opposite. You love him, and you’re sure he loves you dearly as well. It makes you feel bad for leaving but… you can’t handle how disappointed he’ll be if you tell him that you’re not ready for your responsibilities. You could never be the General of the Cloud Knights. Not with thousands of years of training and the best teachers that the Xianzhou had to offer. The sword, the battlefield… they are not what calls to you. Truth be told, you stopped attending sword lessons about a month ago. Yanqing still sparred with you on occasion but he could tell you weren’t as sharp as you used to be. Though, now was not the time to think of the past. You had to think of the future.

Where are you going to stay?

A thought crossed your mind. You reach for your phone again, setting down your bag as you pull up your messages with the Nameless. Specifically, a friend of the Luofu. Surely they’d be willing to help you out.

You lean against the wall, a sigh of relief escaping you. Until you spot a group of Cloud Knights in the distance. They’re definitely searching for you, talking to every passerby they can see. Yanqing must’ve told Jing Yuan already… You duck into an alleyway, crouching down and hiding yourself behind a couple boxes. Hopefully, the Trailblazer will find you before those soldiers do. Though, you’ll be found soon by the Cloud Knights if your phone doesn’t stop going off. You try to ignore the many messages flooding in from Jing Yuan. The notifications keep popping up on your screen as you go to your settings. You have to keep swiping them away because they’re blocking your view.

It’s a flurry of texts. You lightly skim over a few others he sent. Many along the lines of ‘I’m worried about you’ and apologies for not always being there for you. They make you feel a little guilty for leaving so suddenly, but not guilty enough to talk to him. He wouldn’t understand.

Jing Yuan sends another. You read it carefully, your eyes lingering on each word. ‘Stay safe. I love you.’

“Sorry, dad…” your voice is a little shaky as you mutter under your breath. You can’t imagine how worried he is right now. You tap on your messages, contemplating on whether or not to respond. Instead, you open your chats with the Trailblazer.

Just then, your phone dies. Perfect. You’ve lost your only means of communication. And you’ve just remembered that you didn’t bring your phone charger. Maybe you aren’t cut out for running away…

Slowly, a familiar silver haired friend approaches your hiding spot, trying as discreetly as they can to move the boxes away.

“Trailblazer!” You whisper-yell. They offer you their hand, and you take it with a sigh of relief.

“Finally… What took you so long? We have to hurry before I’m caught.”

“Mhm.”

“Are they still close by? The Cloud Knights.”

“Mhm.”

“Then come on! I need to get on the Express!”

“Mhm.”

“…How do we get there, Trailblazer?” You look up into their eyes, begging for an answer that isn’t ‘mhm.’ And as you wish, you’re granted one.

“Up, I guess.” They finally say.

“That’s not very helpful.”

“I dunno. Usually people just… appear on the Express. I’ll ask Himeko to help.” They pull out their phone, supposedly texting Himeko.

“Er… We can just take a ship off the Luofu.”

“Okay. Let’s go!” Trailblazer — with their phone still in hand — pulls you along towards the closest port. Your almost thrown off balance, leaning on them for support as they grip your sleeve.

“Wait! I’m gonna be spotted if-“ You cut yourself off with a groan. “Nevermind.”

The ride out of the Luofu is uneventful, though a little awkward. The Trailblazer remains on their phone the entire time while you avoid looking at them.

“Well… welcome to the Astral Express, [name].”

“Is this it?” You’re a little disappointed in how… empty and unwelcoming it feels.

“Obviously not. This is just the lounge,” they pause. “So, do you want a tour or…?”

“I think I’ll be fine.” You turn to one of the windows, looking out at the Xianzhou Luofu.

“How long are you staying? I’m guessing Pom Pom would want to know,” the Trailblazer says, approaching you. In response, you shrug.

“We’ll see.”

“Are you… going to join the us? The Nameless.”

“I don’t know, really.” The Trailblazer goes quiet for a moment.

“…I can tell that Jing Yuan didn’t agree to let you come here. You’re running away, aren’t you?”

“Did the Cloud Knights tell you that?”

“It was just a guess… You can’t stay here for long. None of us are babysitters, [name].” The Trailblazer crosses their arms, shifting their legs as they speak.

“I don’t need one. The only thing I need is a place to stay; that’s it. Until I figure something out.”

“Alright then…” they sigh. “It’s getting pretty late. There’s a room to the right of Dan Heng’s that you can sleep in.” The Trailblazer turns to leave while you continue staring out the window. You find yourself thinking about Jing Yuan and how much you miss him already. Was leaving the Luofu — and leaving your family — really the best course of action?

You head to your room. The eerie quietness of your walk there unsettles you. It makes you yearn for home. There is no noise audible apart from the irritating train ambience. There is no ‘good night’ from your father as you lay down in bed. There is no one to tuck you in as you stare at the ceiling, awaiting sleep. There is nowhere that could be as lonely as this place, away from your father and brother. And away from a life you abandoned. And yet, there is no way you could ever go back. You shut your eyelids tight, hoping that when you wake up, everything will fix itself. That when you wake up, you’ll be a happy kid, living a happy childhood. But even just imagining that is hard on this uncomfortable mattress.

The sound of banging on the door wakes you up.

“[name]! It’s time to get up! Conductor Pom-Pom made breakfast for you!” Someone from outside your room intones. You recognized the sing-song voice as March 7th’s. With a groan, you rise from the bed and shuffle over, managing to turn the doorknob after a bit of a struggle.

“Mmh… Good morning…” Your voice is groggy as you rub your eyes.

“Oh. The Trailblazer told me you were young but I didn’t think you were a…” She doesn’t continue, instead looking down at you with a hint of sympathy in her eyes. “Let’s go eat,” she says, changing the topic.

“In a bit. Just… just give me a few minutes.”

“Whenever you’re ready, [name]. I guess we’ll wait for you.” March shrugs.

After a minute of rustling through your bag, you exit the bathroom, realizing that you forgot to bring toiletries. It seems like you forgot many essentials.

“[name]! You’re here!” March 7th waves you over to a table covered in many carefully crafted dishes. To her right is a serious looking black haired man, staring longingly out the window. To her left, a woman you vaguely remember as Himeko. Across from the three of them is the Trailblazer. You decide to take a seat beside the latter, since they’re really the only one of the Nameless you’re acquainted with. It feels a little… awkward being around the others.

“I thought there were five of you,” you say, recalling a fifth member of the Express Crew.

“Welt didn’t want to join us. He was busy making… preparations,” the Trailblazer answers. You look down at your plate to be greeted with your favourite meal. Your… favourite meal. What an odd coincidence that Pom-Pom decided to make a dish that happened to be your favourite. Jing Yuan had introduced it to you back when he had only just adopted you. The fragrance emitting from the plate is staggeringly nostalgic. You almost burst into tears being near this thing. It looks identical to how he’d used to make it. Hesitantly, you bring a spoonful to your mouth. The flavours that you taste are painfully reminiscent of home. They sting your tongue with memories of your father.

“…The… conductor made this?” You ask, struggling to understand. The Trailblazer gives a curt nod, their attention hyper-focused on you. You try to blink away the tears in your eyes but you’re sure they’re visible by now.

“[name]? Yesterday, I was on my phone…” They pause dramatically. “Can you guess who I was texting?” Then, it hits you.

“…Jing Yuan.”

“And can you guess who made breakfast for you?”

“Where is he?” You breathe out, clearly exhausted as you stand from the table, setting down your utensils.

The Trailblazer leads you down the hall, away from your breakfast and the others and back to your room.

“He’s in here?” You hesitate to open the door.

“I guess I’ll leave you to it, [name].” They speed off without another word to you. It takes you a couple minutes to work up the courage, but you eventually grab a solid hold on the doorknob and push it open. He’s sitting on the bed, staring at his phone. But his attention snaps to you as soon as you open the door.

“[name]. I’m… glad we finally have a chance to talk. I trust you have been doing well here?” You don’t point out how you’ve been on the Express for less than a day, still too nervous to talk. “What‘s wrong, [name]?” Jing Yuan asks. And finally, you answer.

“I… don’t want to take your place as the General.” Your speech is slow and stretched out as you try to convey your thoughts and feelings. “It seems like… too much for me. I’ve never been good at all that… stuff, and you know that.” He sighs as you talk, sadness in his eyes.

“Is that why you ran away? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jing Yuan stands up and approaches you. “I never asked you to become my successor, did I, [name]?” His hand rests on your shoulder in an attempt to reassure you.

“I was scared that you’d be… disappointed in me.”

“Do you really think so low of me?”

“…Sorry.”

“I do not care what you wish to become in the future, [name]. You’ll still always be my kid. I did not intend for you to take on my position. You’re too young to govern the Luofu. No offence.” He leans in, pinching your cheek with his other hand. “You’d be quite capable, [name].” You look away as he lets go, a little embarrassed.

“Thanks, dad…?”

“Have we sorted this out then? You know that I’ll always love you, yes?”

“Mhm. Yeah.” You hold your arms out to him, and Jing Yuan pulls you into a tight embrace.

“I’m happy to be your father, [name]… Don’t do this again, okay? You can talk to me about anything. Don’t run away anymore. You really worried me…”

“Right. Sorry, dad.”

“Come on then. Let’s go home.”

ask before translating, taking inspo from (not copy), reposting, etc. my work. remember to credit me and if you’re taking inspo from it, please @ me as I’d like to see what you do with my ideas!

#honkai star rail #honkai: star rail #jing yuan #child!reader #request #jing yuan & reader #.forestreqs​​ ☆

[javiscigarette]

i read Teacher's Pet and i loved it!!! i adore the way they are with each other!!! you are so talented and i am in awe of what your writing does to me. i mean ofc it's hotter than hell and has us all giggling and wanting more. you're that good! it's also encouraging, and soothing. healing. your joel is so open and comforting. the way it's easy to be naked, emotionally and physically, in front of him, and the way he encourages reader, put her at ease, makes her laugh, is bringing a lot of comfort to me. i hope you know your fic is helping a lot of us feel proud of our body and the way we are, accepting even, little by little, and that is priceless to me. so, thank you for your beautiful words and for the feelings that will surely find home in my brain and remind me that i am good the way i am on days when i feel like i am lacking in everything and every single insecurity takes over. i'm sending you all the forehead kisses and boundless creative inspiration and all the time in the world to do what you love✨️🥹

ok so the sentimental part is over can we now talk about my favourite parts?

And it doesn't hurt that he's objectively attractive, with his tall and sturdy frame, strong, calloused hands, dark messy curls....It's not a bad idea.

It's an absolutely insane idea.

i was like YES BITCH!! I'M IN FULL SUPPORT!! SAY IT BB

"How drunk are you?" he asks, glancing at the beer bottle on the coffee table.

"You saw me finish one bottle. And half of another. I’m barely tipsy."

"Not drunk?”

"Nope."

"You're gonna remember this tomorrow."

"Uh huh."

"And you still want to?"

I LOVE HIM AND I'LL SCREAM ABOUT IT

It's nothing like the kisses in the movies or the books, where fireworks explode behind your eyelids or where your foot pops up in the air. It's far more subdued, more quiet and subtle. But the warmth that pools low in your belly and the goosebumps that erupt on your skin when his tongue slides against the seam of your lips, light and quick, makes you absolutely melt.

your writing!! it sure does make me melt

His lips find yours again, and you try not to smile into the kiss but it's hard when you can feel the way his lips are quirked up as well. It doesn’t take much else to get you to relax and let yourself fall into the moment, into the gentle press of his mouth and the warm hands on your hip and your cheek.

the number of times i reread this—

i would put more but i feel like this ask is getting too long and i don't wanna bother you and make you read a novel but their banter, every single instance of it is also my favourite

him being so soft and gentle with her while absolutely destroying ME is also my favourite

also, i hope you know we're putting you in JAIL for putting us in reader's shoes and letting us attend joel miller's sex class

excuse me while I FUCKING SOB OH MY GODDD!!!!!

not even exaggerating this is one the nicest things anyone has ever said to me in my entire life what the helll 😭😭😭😭

(had to add a cut bc I rambled a bit )

One of my main goals as a writer (aside from making everyone horny) is to create stories that readers can make genuine connections to and find pieces of themselves in. Hearing the impact that my silly little story has had on you, how my words have provided you with comfort, encouragement, and a positive reflection on self-acceptance is truly mind-blowing and so incredibly fulfilling. 🥹🥹😭

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your feelings and sentiments and your favorite parts of the story. You are truly such an angel. This seriously made my day (maybe my whole entire life??) and just like my stories for you, this message will stick with me to remember whenever I feel inadequate as a writer. It’s messages like these keep writers going. 🩷🩷🩷

Sending you so much love and I’ll see you at the next session of Mr. Miller's class 😉🩷

#im like in shock rn wowowow #cami answers

[themonopolyhat]

shoulder the sky au: helix whump

[ETA: this one-shot has become a round robin fic via the reblogs, but mind the tags folks!]

i have been dared by @shootingstarpilot to contribute to the helix whump “what-if” for his fantastic shoulder the sky series on ao3, so here we go.

pilot, you and i had the exact same idea on how to make helix’s life even worse than it already is -- namely, we both envisioned him on iwanaga along with obi-wan during dooku’s science project / torture spree.  this brainshare is hilarious all by itself.

(i should probably CONTENT WARN for torture, misery, and major character death right now haha)

my thoughts:

+ not sure whether dooku grabs helix on purpose or if it’s an accidental acquisition -- but since helix is along for the ride, and dooku is a bastard, dooku decides to make use of him.

+ therefore it is helix’s job to monitor vitals, update certain chart fields, and administer the antibiotics and pain meds while dooku’s minions or droids or whatever perform the experiments.

+ also because dooku is a bastard, helix has been outfitted with an explosive slave tracker right inside his skull. no escaping or even going where you’re not supposed to be on the base, pumpkin

+ so helix is in the fucking room with obi-wan when dooku questions him, and when dooku threatens him, and when the experiments begin. dooku threatens helix, too -- like shut up and do what you’re told or something real bad will happen.  obi-wan all but orders helix to comply because of course he doesn’t want anyone else to suffer on his behalf.  so helix shuts up and complies.

+ obi-wan is as quiet as he can be, quiet and straining at the restraints. it’s just another tuesday for helix, watching somebody he cares about fucking suffer while he’s unable to save them

+ helix loses his cool probably around the time that dooku proposes to drain obi-wan’s blood completely? or some other horrible thing, idk.  anyway helix responds as any horrified medic with his temperament might, and dooku has him knocked the fuck out.

+ helix wakes up in time to hear obi-wan screaming, and he gets to listen to the screams for a while before dooku wanders in like “oh yeah, if you’re not around to monitor obi-wan’s pain meds, i’m certainly not going to pick up the slack -- he’ll just suffer through the knives au naturel lol”

+ so helix goes back to work.  he gets obi-wan’s pain back under control, but of course he can’t do anything about the other sensations, or the sounds, or the smells, or the existential horror of being vivisected alive by your grandmaster who gave you tea

+ helix holds his hand, strokes his hair, tells him again and again: “look at me, look at me, don’t look down, obi-wan, you look at me”

+ they both quickly give up on apologizing for their mutual wracking sobs because they’re in this together, sweetheart

+ one night helix asks obi-wan how he can pray to the force and obi-wan (ever the teacher) haltingly talks about other force religions, the difference between praying and chanting for mindfulness, etc etc etc.  he quotes the guardians’ mantra: “i am one with the force, and the force is with me -- and i fear nothing, for all is as the force wills it.”  obi-wan seems to find it a little comforting (or maybe dissociative) to say it and hear it said, so helix bends over him and murmurs it over and over and over and over and over, even when obi-wan can’t speak the words himself. he can’t save his general but he can do this thing until his throat rips if need be

+ i don’t actually know whether sidious shows up, but if he does, he gives an Order via holo ahead of time and helix Goes Away for a little while. when he comes back to himself, obi-wan is blinded and deafened.

+ no help is coming. they can’t get out. dooku strips the skin from obi-wan’s hand and helix can only keep the meds at max, repeat the guardians’ mantra to his deaf ears, card a hand through his sweaty, grimy hair, hold his elbow, try so hard to be gentle so obi-wan knows it’s him

+ helix has had a particular intrusive thought since like day three, and he’s been shoving it aside because it’s unthinkable, but y’know, the unthinkable is becoming thinkable the longer he stays on as an accessory to the gruesome torture-murder of his general.  helix is a smart guy and figures out how to activate his explosive tracker at the time of his choosing.  useful information, under the right circumstances

+ around the time that dooku mentions breaking obi-wan’s spine for lols, helix decides he’s about had enough

+ no idea how he manages to get obi-wan alone in the lab, without dooku or droids or anybody else around, but:

+ the door is locked, the clock is ticking, they don’t have a lot of time before the window of opportunity will be lost.  helix undoes obi-wan’s restraints and climbs up on the table with him so he can prop him up in his arms and hold him close. he tucks obi-wan’s nose into his neck and rocks him for a few moments, whispering to him even though his general won’t hear, because he thinks obi-wan knows it’s him and he wants him to feel safe and loved

+ “see you soon, general,” he murmurs through his tears, and fuck, has he stopped crying even once in the past three weeks?

+ he activates the tracker

+ he saves his general

#my writing #shoulder the sky #shootingstarpilot #whump #torture #major character death #suicide #assisted suicide

[muted-like-sunset]

Hi hi! I just wanted to say that I love your spark series so much and I can’t wait for the next chapter! (Don’t rush and take care of yourself) Anyways, I have a request. How would Peeta react to his s/o having a cat (or any pet really) that they’re super close with and love to the ends of the earth. Say that that pet went missing one day, and reader just kinda freaks. I’m talking panic attacks, crying, etc. Pet is found, reader chills. Also, pet would have survived the bombing of 12 but reader wouldn’t know until they got there after the quarter quell. I’m sorry if this is a lot, you don’t have to add everything lol 😅

Fritz | p.m.

Things are hopefully getting better on my end, so maybe I'll post more! I hope you all enjoy <3

A oneshot about the relationship between a person and their cat.

peeta mellark x fem! reader

word count: 5.2k

trigger warnings: mentions of grief, animal illness, brief unexplored loss of a child, violence, anxiety, symptoms of a panic attack, illusions to bombing, illusions to fire, mentions of blood, crowds, yelling, illusions to choking, poor body condition (animals and people), brief mentions of pregnancy.

(mostly) unedited, all mistakes are my own.

Fritz sleeps stretched out at the foot of my bed. He’s a relaxed cat, mostly spending his time sunbathing and watching any birds that brave the smog of the seam, so this is not unusual for him. I smile at him, reaching out a hand to rub between his ears. His purrs vibrate the palm of my hand and I giggle, cooing to him. 

“Fritzy baby, you soakin’ up the sun?” I murmur to the pile of black fur. He stretches out at my attention, rolling lazily onto his back and stretching his front legs as far as they’ll go. 

My sister found him on the street when he was a kitten. His belly swollen with worms and his fur so caked with coal dust we had to bathe the screaming, hissing kitten six times for the water to run clear. He'd been a scrappy kitten, but enough rabbit meat and he settled into the house cat lifestyle nicely. 

He pushes his head against my hand as I pull away and I gently push him back. 

“I've gotta go, honey.” I tell him even though he doesn’t understand. He meows as I stand, elongating the middle into somewhat of a howl. “Oh, hush. You won’t be complaining when I bring you something back.” 

The promise of food seems to placate him since he chooses to jump off the bed and slink into some other part of the house, his bell ringing.

Our house is small, two bedrooms and the main area are the entire thing, save for the small bathroom connected to my parent's room. I once shared the room with my older sister Annabelle, but she was reaped just before I turned seven. I barely have any memory of her, just fleeting images of silver eyes and the soft sound of her voice. I want to miss her more than I do, but having never really gotten to know her, there isn’t that much there. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still wake up screaming for her sometimes, something leftover from childhood I guess. While I have no real memory of life with her, I distinctly remember her death. I'd been in the school cafeteria when it was televised, the male tribute from District 2 got a hold of her. Her screams echoed through the halls and everyone spent the rest of the day in complete silence. I hadn't even had time to react, teachers and older students alike rushing to take me away from the screens. my parents had been at work and wouldn’t hear of her fate until a few hours later. 

It’d been incredibly isolating, witnessing her death and being the sole member of my family to know. I'd gone home that day to find Fritz complete with the little bell she’d gotten him when mom let us keep him. The sound of the bell had kept me awake at night, the sound mingling with my parents' sobs when they thought I was asleep. She’d said his bell would keep us safe, that the ringing would keep away monsters.

I'd left the bell on him ever since. 

I shake my head and tug on my too-small boots before I head out, hoping to get some hunting in before the reaping begins. 

~~~~~

Fritz creeps down the long hall curiously, peeping around corners with focused eyes and slow movements. I press my back to the door, knowing I have a few minutes before my parents will be joining me. Peeta is probably doing the same across the street, though I seriously doubt his parents will leave the bakery to live with him. Now that their son is a victor, the Mellark’s bakery is going to be the center of a frenzy of Captiol people’s orders. A desperate attempt at having something close to their most recent victors. 

Given that my family owned pretty much nothing, Peeta's parent’s bakery is as close as they can get. 

I hear Fritz's bell jingle as he trots back up the hall, startling a bit at his reflection in the long mirror in the entryway. I snicker at his misfortune, standing and scooping him off of the ground. He's a bit thinner than when I left, most likely it had fallen on Katniss's sister to make sure he was fed. Her cat Buttercup is her life and I know she made sure Fritz was well. 

Bringing him to the living room I set us up on the couch, cracking open one of the many magazines Effie left behind to customize the house. The heaviness of the day’s events, of moving into this new house weigh on me and I find myself drifting off to sleep.

When I wake, I expect the gentle pressure of Fritz’s body weight on my chest. There’s always been a soothing aspect to it and it’s his favorite place to sleep. Still, he has a mind of his own so him not being right with me isn’t terribly surprising. 

I sit up and stretch, wondering if my parents have returned yet. I turn to check the windows, looking for any indication of the time, and find gentle sunlight shining through. I checked again, standing and making my way to the door to step outside. There, it becomes clear that I've slept through the night and into the next morning. 

I furrow my brow and go back inside, turning to the stairs and taking them two at a time. I find the room set out to be my parents and slowly open the door. 

There they are, their faces gentle in sleep. With a little sigh of relief, I shut the door quietly and move to search for Fritz. The second floor comes up empty, so I return to the downstairs. The search winds up the same and I feel tightness settling in my chest. Still, there’s the basement to check and even then he could be hiding somewhere in the house. I grab a bag of the Captiol cat treats left behind as a gift and hurry for the basement stairs.

“Fritz?” I call, turning the corner into the empty room. My eyes dart around, listening in silence for the sound of his bell. When it’s clear he isn’t there, I turn for the stairs again. From the edge of my vision, I spot it. Shelves up to a cracked open window at the ground level. I take the stairs again to the ground floor and head to the front door. 

“Fritz!” I call again, my voice growing a bit panicked. I open the door, stepping outside. He’s a cat, he’ll be fine. There’s nothing in District Twelve that could really hurt him. He wouldn’t make it into the woods, there’s nothing that can hurt him. 

Despite my mantra, the anxiety claws its way into my throat and forces my voice from me. I call for him down the street, my voice laced with anxiety. 

Peeta’s front door tears open across the street, a frightened Peeta Mellark standing in the doorway. He looks around, eyes settling on where I stand in the center of the street clutching my chest. I try to force myself to breathe through the panic, but the air feels much too thin. Seeing my state, he comes carefully down the stairs to my side. 

“Y/N? You okay?” He asks, voice tense. I suck in a breath. 

“Fritz is gone!” I cry, the sobs ripping their way from my too-tight throat. “I woke up and he’s just gone!”

Peeta is quick to jump to the rescue. 

“I need you to breathe, Y/N. I’ll find Fritz, okay?” He reassures me, not moving any closer. “He can’t be far, probably just out prowling the new neighborhood. I’ll ask around, but I need to be sure you’re safe first.” 

I want to scream at him, to make him understand the fear clutching my empty lungs too tight for them to ever expand. Still, the rational bits of my brain band together with the resounding realization that Peeta, as usual, is right. Shoving the heels of my palms into my eyes, I force myself to take deep breaths in through my nose and blow them out of my mouth. The first breaths are short and quick, shaking on entry and accompanied by sobs on their exit. Gradually, I begin to notice sensations in my body again. The rocks digging into the soles my feet and the weakness in my legs come to the back of my focus, nudging at my mind. 

“Can I touch you?” Peeta asks, voice so soft I almost don’t hear it. I nod, not trusting myself to speak. His hand is gentle on my back, rubbing in firm circles. I focus on the sensation, timing his circles to my breaths. One circle, breathe in. Second circle, hold. Third circle, keep holding. Fourth circle, breathe out. The cycle is soothing, so much so that I don't fight him as he leads me to the porch steps. There, we continue our cycle until I feel like I can open my eyes again.

With the anxiety steadily leaving my body, I feel the weight it has left behind. Every bit of my body feels as though on the edge of sleep. My arms and legs are weak and my body screams for me to lie down. Shakily, I pull my hands away from my eyes and shove hair out of my face. Peeta swims at the edge of my returning vision, worry etched onto his face. 

“There she is.” He murmurs, continuing his circles. “Keep breathing, honey. You’re doing great.” 

We stay like this for a few minutes before I gather the strength to let him leave. As much as I want to follow him home and curl up in his embrace, I know I won’t sleep unless Fritz comes home. 

“I’m okay.” I self-soothe, repeating the words a few times. Peeta watches silently, nodding to my words. 

“You’re okay.” He agrees, reaching up his spare hand to tuck a stray hair back into place. “You stay right here, okay? I’m gonna go find Fritz and bring him right back to you. Give him a piece of my mind for worrying his mother so much.” 

I laugh weakly, nodding at his sentiment. When I manage to crack a smile Peeta returns a grin of his own, standing from the porch steps and taking a careful step back. He pauses for a moment, awaiting permission to leave. When I nod he nods back, walking backward a few paces before turning and heading down the street.

“Fritz!” His deeper tone reverberates through the still morning air. “C’mon kitty!” 

I wait on the steps for about a half-hour, shivering slightly from a combination of the adrenaline leaving me and the cold morning air, before I see Peeta rounding the corner into Victor’s Village. Tucked safely into his arms is Fritz, black fur sticking out starkly against Peeta’s off-white shirt. His bell jingles with every step Peeta takes and, as they grow closer, mingles with the sound of Peeta’s gentle scolding. 

“Had your mother worried to death, Fritz. Just stay home, ya hear? She was about to tear the entire district to the ground looking for you.”

I’m on my feet in an instant, reaching my hands out when I get close enough. Peeta passes him into my arms easily and he grips my shirt with his claws, settling his head onto my shoulder. My hand comes up to his back, holding him against my chest as tears spring to my eyes once again. 

“Where?” is all I can ask, but Peeta knows exactly what I mean. 

“Your old house, curled up on the bed like he owned the place.” He teases the cat in my arms, reaching out a hand and rubbing between his ears.   “Don’t worry, I gave him a stern talking to. He’ll think twice before wandering too far from home again, right Fritz?” 

I laugh at his antics, clutching the purring cat tight. 

“C’mon,” Peeta grins, resting a hand on my lower back to guide me. ���Let’s get some tea.” 

~~~~~

“There is no district Twelve, Y/N.” Gale whispers, hand never leaving my arm. 

I start to sit up, gripping his arm frantically. 

“I got them out,” He reassures, pushing me to lie back down. “your parents, they’re safe. I got them out in time.” 

I try to ask about Fritz, but it seems so trivial. People could have died, but I cannot let the cat go. Fritz and his bell are all I have left of Annabelle and I have to know where he is. 

I try again, forcing Gale to listen to me. 

“Did you get Fritz?” I ask, voice deadly serious. Gale shys away, refusing to meet my eyes. “Gale, did you get him?” 

“He got spooked by the sound, Y/N. He ran off.” He admits, his hand heavy on my arm. I pull myself from his grasp, backing to the corner of the bed where it meets the wall. 

“Get out,” I demand. When he doesn’t move immediately it drives me to rage. “Get out! Leave!” 

He backs up a bit, holding his hands up in surrender. Still, he stays in the room. Blinded by grief, I turn and grab blindly at the tools by my bed. My hand clumsily finds a scalpel, cutting myself in the process. I thrust the blade out at him and he leaps back, demeanor changing entirely. 

“Go away!” I sob, lashing out at him again. Peeta. Fritz. District Twelve. Gone, just like that. 

I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

~~~

I step off the plane with Katniss and Gale at my sides. Steeling myself, I try to take in the vast rubble of home. We’ve touched down in the square and already I see the destruction. The Justice Building is rubble, large gray stone lying across the square. From here I can see the stone building that used to be the seamstress’ shop in much the same state. 

“Are you okay?” Gale asks, keeping his eyes trained on me. Katniss surveys twelve with a hardened eye, hellbent on making snow pay. 

I nod, pulling my eyes from the rubble. 

“Can I go home?” I ask, looking back to the crew. Cressida nods and gestures for me to take the lead. I hesitate, watching them carefully. I don't want cameras on me when I see the Seam. The coal dust caking the streets made the entire Seam a ticking time bomb. Katniss seems to understand my hesitance. 

“Actually, can we go alone?” She asks, voice strong and sure. She stands unmoving at my side, eyes daring anyone to tell her no. 

The crew seems unsure, but Cressida only takes a moment before she agrees. Katniss nods, turning to let me go ahead of her. The walk through twelve is quiet with only small comments from the two behind me. Katniss and Gale fill the conversational space I have left behind with little questions for me that they know I won’t answer. They’re unsure around me, have been since I came back from the quarter quell.

I don’t blame them.

As expected, the Seam has burned completely to the ground. There’s an occasional standing beam or foundation in the homes that had them, but you can still see clear over them. With the homes gone, I trace the familiar landscape with my eyes. I choke down a sob and hold my hand out to Katniss, wanting some support. She’s quick to take hold of my hand, cementing me in reality. She asks no questions, only offering me her steadiness and bravery in the face of what was once our home. 

We walk closer to where the Everdeen's and my family lived, closer to the far edge of the seam where it meets the meadow. At the sight of my home, mostly rubble and ash with some of the fireplace still intact, I release her hand. I step over some mostly burned boards that used to be part of our entryway and settle where the heart of the home used to be. 

If Fritz had gotten spooked during the bombing, this is where he would have run to, straight into the Seam. The coal-caked Seam. The sight of all of the destruction prompts the sob from my body as I sink to my knees in the ash. My hands fumble for something concrete, something that proves that my house had been here. That I’d grown up in this very spot, that this had been the home I had to return to after my sister was reaped. Then, there’s a sound. Some curious noise that quickly becomes desperate. 

I whip my head to the side, climbing back to my feet and spreading ash on my face as I try to wipe the tears from my eyes.

“Fritz?” I call, stumbling towards the sound. 

There, weaving out of some collapsed wood planks and crumbled stone comes his too-small form. He’s scrawny and absolutely covered in ash but I’m so absolutely relieved to see him that I don’t care. 

The sobs break free of my throat again when I get him in my arms, rocking myself. He’s too skinny, I can feel every individual rib and his hip bones poke out. Still, he’s safe now. I’ve got him again and all will be well. 

With him in my arms, I mourn the loss of my home. The life I lived before, a life in the future with Peeta. Peeta weighs heavily on my mind, and before I can stop myself I start telling Fritz everything. It’s a great relief, the nonsensical rambling and sobbing to the being who simultaneously wouldn’t understand and always seems to. I tell him everything that has happened since I last saw him. About finding out Peeta was gone and recovering in the hospital in District 13. I go on and on about Finnick and Beetee having made it out, finally expressing my grief and rage that they’d been saved and Peeta hadn’t. I tell him everything as I stroke the fur on his face until there’s nothing more to talk about. Until the breath entering my chest is easy and my muscles unclench. Then, I return quietly to Katniss and Gale who have stayed respectfully towards the road.

“I have everything I need,” I tell them softly, feeling the weariness settling in my bones again. Fritz pushes his face against my neck and I stroke his ears gently. 

The team says nothing of my appearance or Fritz when we return, instead guiding us into the hovercraft. They must have gotten what they needed. 

~~~~

“And there, in District 13, dead by morning!” Peeta shouts. There’s commotion and suddenly the camera is knocked down. I step closer to the screen, eyes running over every detail as people move around me. There's shouting, some struggle, and then Peeta renters the frame. His head hits the tile floors loudly, the crack making me jump. 

“They’re gonna kill him!” someone gasps, but I try to tune it out. They can’t kill him, not after the games. The Capitol still adores Peeta despite my perceived wrongs, they won’t kill him for loving some girl they hate. Will they?

There are more sounds of him being beaten before the camera cuts off, the Capitol seal and anthem playing for its entirety before the screens shut off. There's tense silence for a moment before the room erupts. People buzz about trying to confirm his words and after a minute, Coin speaks up.

“Get everyone to the shelter. It's safer to assume he knows something than to assume otherwise.” She commands in a short voice, tone daring anyone to question her. The alarms begin moments later, a sound I’ve only ever heard during the few practice drills I’ve been here for. It’s all-consuming, beating into every ounce of your body. Even if you didn’t know what it meant, the sound itself makes you want to escape it. 

I have to find Fritz. 

I take off from the room, hands over my ears and trying to keep my breathing calm. I have to push through people as I get closer to my apartment, but knowing that Fritz is stuck inside with nowhere to go drives me forwards. The crowds break just before the residential halls, most everyone already on their descent downstairs. When I hit the door, I start searching for him. 

With nowhere to escape the sound, where would he feel safest? I search under the beds, in cabinets, and finally in the closet before I find him. He cowers at the back wall, trying to be as far from the alarm as he can.

“C’mere Fritz, it’s okay.” I call, trying not to let my voice shake. The sound of the alarm is making my body shake with anxiety, and I only notice how bad it’s gotten when I see my own hands reaching for him. He allows me to collect him in my arms and I grab a blanket from the bed, wrapping it around him in an attempt to help drown out the noise while keeping him still. 

With him securely tucked into my arms, I realize how limited our time must be. I take off for the stairs down to the shelter, running easily through the hallways. Every empty hall I come to makes me move even faster, not wanting to be locked up here when the strike happens. My feet finally hit the metal stairs and I spot Primrose Everdeen in the same state. Buttercup is thrown over her shoulder, her cradling his head as she begins her descent. Then, someone is calling our names.

“Prim! Y/N!” Katniss yells. There’s someone coming up the stairs. 

“We’re coming!” I yell back, tears brimming in my eyes. The alarms and my heartbeat make every step unsteady and I have to do my best to not fall down the remaining flights. Gale rounds the staircase and his eyes fall on us. He doesn’t yell as I expect him to, instead nudging the two of us in front of him and herding us down the remaining stairs. The doors are almost closed when we hit the lowest floor and Katniss is reaching through them to us. She tugs Prim and myself into her arms, wrapping us in her shaky embrace. Gale dives through at the last second. 

“What we’re you thinking!” She shouts, pulling back. I have to fight the tears back, but Primrose is determined.

“I couldn’t leave him, Katniss!” She shouts back, not hesitating for a second. Katniss eyes the two of us for a moment before pulling her sister back into her arms. 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” She soothes, rocking her in her arms a bit. She eyes me again. “You guys are okay?”

I nod stiffly, eyes darting past her to try to find my parents. They sit on a bed together, arms around each other. My mother is wide-eyed, my father crying. 

~~~ 

The bruises on my throat feel like the only proof Peeta is even alive. They won’t tell anyone that he’s here because they aren’t sure how to tell people he’s not the same. 

How could he be?

I let the image of him back to the front of my mind. Bruised and hollow-eyed but alive and it makes my heart hammer harder in my chest. Even though his eyes had been so angry when they came to rest on me, even though the Capitol made him into someone else entirely, I am so relieved he’s alive that it makes my legs weak. It's selfish to the point I feel sick but I don’t care.  

Mrs. Everdeen enters the room to check on me again, she’s speaking but I don’t listen. I can’t bring myself to care if he’s irreparably damaged my voice. I have no need for it anymore. With Peeta safe in District 13 I don’t care to do much of anything except get out of this room so I can see him again. I’ll have to see him from the observation room, but I don’t care.

She speaks again, moving her face into my line of sight. Her eyes are worried, brows knitted together. I do my best to focus on her. 

“-cat?” I manage to catch the end of her sentence. I squint at her, swallowing and focusing on her lips closely. 

“Can you tell me your cat’s name?” She asks. She’s trying to get me to use my voice. Still, I perk up at the mention of the little creature I haven’t seen in days. 

It's a struggle, but I manage to get out a rasp that sounds something like “Fritz.” 

She nods, having me say it a few times. Then, she rests her hands at her sides.

“Well, I don’t think he did any permanent damage.” She sighs, clearly upset at the sight of my bruising. She’s a mother before she’s a healer I suppose, a close friend’s mother at that. I want to ask her to release me, to let me rest in my quarters instead of the hospital wing, but my voice simply isn't there. 

I let her leave. 

~~~

They have tried Katniss, they’ve tried Primrose, they even tried Madge Undersee. Every person sent into that room with him has set him off. I lean my head against my hands as they continue to drone on about how it’ll take him time to readjust and how he’s showing promising signs. I have yet to see the signs they’re talking about, but I want so badly for him to look at me with some ounce of love that I don’t interrupt them. I don’t even speak into I hear Fritz’s name.

“What was that?” I ask, head darting up. 

“That got her attention.” Haymitch mumbles and I shoot him a glare. Dr. Aurelius seems unaffected by our antics and ignores Haymitch. 

“Perhaps seeing Fritz would be soothing for Peeta.” He offers, his face devoid of anything but calm. 

“Or maybe,” I start, pulling myself out of my chair and stepping towards him. “he’ll kill him.”

“He won’t kill Fritz, Y/N.” Dr. Aurelius sighs. “He’s actually mentioned him during our sessions. He’s fond of him, he just doesn’t know why. I think that seeing Fritz will help him strengthen his actual memories of not just his life, but of you.”

This makes me pause.  I want to say no, to maybe start screaming until they lock me back in my hospital room, but the idea of Peeta regaining some positive memory of me is enough to make me consider. No, I don’t want him near Fritz. Would he actually hurt him? Thoughts swim in my head for a minute before anyone speaks. 

“He doesn’t have to, Y/N. It’s just an idea.” Dr. Aurelius soothes, eyes watching me for a moment before drifting back to our window to Peeta’s cell. 

“Fine,” I mumble. “But he hurts Fritz and I’ll kill him myself.” I’m leaving the room, letting the door swing shut behind me when I hear Haymitch pipe up again. 

“She won’t.” He assures someone. He’s right.

~~~

They let me bring Fritz to his room myself before they make me hand him off to Dr. Aurelius. On the way, I prep him as though he could understand what I’m telling him. 

“Peeta’s not himself, but he remembers you. You’re very lucky because he absolutely hates me and anyone that could maybe like me, but not you. Dr. Aurelius said that you can help him get better, so I need you to do your best because I…” I trail off, catching myself on the words. I hadn’t thought about it before but I suppose it’s true. Here, in the hallway where no one can hear me, the words can’t hurt. So, I test them out. “I need you to do your best because I love him. Very much.”

I’m silent the rest of the way to his room, only breaking to press a kiss to Fritz’s head before I hand him off.

The observation room is quiet despite being full of nurses and doctors. Haymitch collects me as I come in and I let him guide me to the glass. We watch as Dr. Aurelius brings Fritz in. He speaks to Peeta for a moment before leaving the two alone. 

It feels earth-shattering for him to leave the two unsupervised, but I have to trust that Peeta would never hurt Fritz. 

I bounce on the balls of my feet as the two watch each other, breath hitching as Fritz makes his way to Peeta’s bed easily and leaps onto the mattress. Peeta reaches out a thin hand and plops it between Fritz’s ears, petting him just the way he likes. He scratches beneath his chin, a real smile making its way to his face at what must be Fritz purring. 

“Hey, buddy.” Peeta murmurs and my heart hammers in my chest. To hear him so affectionate with the little cat in front of him makes my heart soar and I touch a hand to the glass. That is the Peeta I left in the jungle. That is the Peeta that held me when I cried after the jabberjays left their mark on my mind. The Peeta that searched for Fritz when he made his way back to the Seam. This is Peeta Mellark. 

I’m sobbing, one hand frantically wiping tears from my eyes to keep them from obstructing my view and the other pressed hopelessly to the glass as though I could reach out to hold them. Until now, Peeta’s recovery had seemed near impossible. Watching him stroke Fritz’s fur so peacefully, so happily, feels like a miracle. 

~~~

I sit with Fritz on my stomach, his back feet resting on my legs and front legs stretched up over the curve of my belly to rest on my chest. Peeta and Belle are in the kitchen, their faces and hair certainly caked with flour as they play more than they bake. Peeta will clean up after she’s tucked into bed, but for now, things are peaceful. 

Fritz has slowed down, taking much longer naps when Belle isn’t dragging him off for playtime. I’m great up for him, for being there for Belle when Peeta has one of his episodes, for when I have nightmares. He sleeps in her bed instead of mine now, but I don’t mind. He’s watching over my daughter as he watched over me. I wonder if Annabelle somehow knew I would need him when she dragged him in off the street or if it was just her kind heart. I see her in her namesake, with her Seam grey eyes and gentle demeanor. She is every bit the future Annabelle would have wanted for me, and so I rise and make my way to the kitchen. 

“Momma!” Belle squeals at the sight of me, tossing her chubby hands up in the air and giggling loudly as flour dusts the room. I laugh, taking in the sight of the two of them. Peeta grins back, scooping our daughter off of the stool she’s propped on and setting her on the ground between us. Fritz hops up on the stool as soon as she’s vacated it, watching the chaos with a trained eye. Belle runs for my legs and I hold her close, letting her cake flour onto my clothing. 

After all, there are worse things.

#peeta mellark x reader #peeta mellark fluff #peeta mellark angst #the hunger games peeta #peeta x reader #peeta mellark/reader #peeta mellark #thg peeta #peeta #request #fanfiction #The Hunger Games #THG

[sarahisgay01]

If requests are open may I request some top!robin Buckley smut where she tops trans!girl reader with a praise kink, maybe with Nancy catching them and joining topping the reader?

Yes you most certainly can! I do wanna say that I’ve never written anything like this before SO if something isn’t correct PLEASE tell me!! I want to write this because I know there’s not a lot of trans!reader smut and trans readers deserve representation too🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

Anyway, I’m going to do a part 2 soon on Nancy walking in!!

Hope you enjoy!!😊💖

Minors DNI (You know the drill, 18+ Only!!!)

My Girl

Top!Robin x Trans!girl bottom!reader (Somewhat Modern)

Notes: Reader is AMAB and transitioned hormonally before puberty, also SLIGHT mention of religious trauma

You had grown up in a small town, making it hard for you to transition into the girl you are today. Growing up in a small conservative town made it hard for people to grasp your name change and why you were wearing “girls” clothing. You came out as transgender at eight years old, crying and sobbing to your parents in your living room. Your dad was the one who comforted you, while your mom yelled at you and said God made you how you were supposed to be made. This was the reason your parents got divorced and you lived full time with your dad. He helped you transition immediately after the conversation and took you to see doctors about hormonal treatments. You transitioned before puberty started, so it was easier for you to pass as the girl you knew you were. You were now 18 and your dad got a new job in a town called, Hawkins, Indiana. The move felt strange, especially it being the summer before your senior year, but you were excited to attend a high school where nobody knew you. Nobody knew anything about you and nobody knew your secret.

The first day of school, you made friends with a girl in the marching band, named Robin. When you first saw her, you thought she was the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen. She was in your first period class and sat next to you, then just started talking to you. Robin never even introduced herself, you didn’t know her name until the teacher called role. You realized early on that she was a talker, but you loved it, the sound of her voice made you melt. After a week or so, she introduced you to all of her close friends. You met Steve before everyone else because you liked to visit Robin at Family Video and Steve was always there when Robin was. When you met Nancy, you thought your heart skipped a beat, she was just so beautiful. You also met Eddie, you both got along really well, you found him really funny and you were both potheads. Robin was really happy you liked everyone and everyone liked you. After a couples months of getting close with the four of them, you hung out with at least one of them after school every day. After seeing Robin almost every day for months, you developed a major crush on her, but you were too scared to do anything about it. You weren’t even sure she liked girls in the first place and even if she did, what would she think of you when she finds out your secret. These thoughts started eating you alive, you felt like you were lying to her by not telling her. One night when you were at Steve’s, you finally decided that you had to at least tell her that you liked girls. You were watching a movie with her and Steve, but you weren’t really focused on it. Throughout the movie you were biting your lip and picking at your fingers anxiously. Robin noticed and grabbed your hands and said, “(Y/N), are you okay?” You shook your head, no and tears filled your eyes. Her eyes and tone softened, she asked, “Do you wanna go talk about it?” You nodded your head, yes and she took your hand, then brought you upstairs to one of Steve’s guest bedrooms. Steve saw you were upset, so he didn’t question why you and Robin had left. When you got into the guest bedroom, she closed the door and you started to cry. She rushed over to you and said, “Hey, I’m here, (Y/N), it’s okay. You can talk to me about anything, okay? What’s wrong?” In this moment, you just let everything slip, you were too emotional to hold everything back. You rambled and said, “I’ve been- I’ve been hiding a lot of stuff about myself from you. Robin, I- I- like girls, I’m- I’m a lesbian.” She nods her head and says, “Oh, (Y/N), you have nothing to worry about. I’m also a lesbian, so don’t worry about that, okay? You’re completely safe with me.” You say, “Oh, uh- that’s not- that’s not all. I also- I uh- I like you, Robin. As uh- As more than a friend” and then you looked away from her. Your eyes were looking down at the ground, not wanting to see her reaction to what you had just confessed. She smiled and said, “(Y/N), can you look at me, please?” You hesitantly looked up and she said, “(Y/N), I like you too. I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I’ve been crushing on you since the day I met you.” She noticed you started crying more and you said, “Robin, there’s- there’s more.” Robin said “Okay. Relax for me, (Y/N), okay? I’m not going to judge you for anything, I’m not that person, you know that.” You nodded and said, “Well- um- I’m not- I’m not fully a girl, Rob. I’m- I’m transgender and I understand if that makes you not like me anymore, it-” Your ramble was interrupted by Robin’s lips crashing into yours. She released and said, “Sorry, I just- I didn’t know how to make you stop talking.” You said, “So uh- you don’t- you don’t care?” Robin shakes her head and says, “No, why would I? You’re a girl, (Y/N), just like me. I like you and that’s not going to change just because you weren’t biologically born a female.” You smiled and kissed her, you were beaming with happiness at her reaction to everything.

You both sat in Steve’s room for about half an hour, kissing and eventually, Robin pulled away. She said, “(Y/N), do you- do you want to be my girlfriend?”, you smiled, nodded, and then kissed her. Now you were both beaming and you said, “You want to go tell Steve, don’t you?” Robin blushed, then hesitantly nodded her head, you giggled and said, “Lets go tell him then, sweetheart.” Her face turned red at the nickname and then she ran out the guest bedroom, then down the stairs. She was yelling, “Steve! Steve! I have news, I have news! (Y/N) and I have news, Steve!” You follow her into the living room and she says, “(Y/N) and I are dating! (Y/N) likes girls!” Then you wrapped your arms around her and give her a kiss on the cheek. Steve smiles and says, “Thank god! I’ve been waiting for this for over a month! (Y/N), Robin would never shut up about you, almost all of her rambles were about you! I’m so happy you like her back and you both are dating.” You smiled, then said, “Oh, she rambled about me?” and Steve said, “All. The. Time.” You giggled and kissed one of Robin’s red hot cheeks. The three of you finished watching the movie and then Steve drove both you and Robin home.

It had been a couple weeks since that night at Steve’s and you fell in love with Robin more every day. You told her a couple of days ago that you loved her and you wanted to be more intimate with her. She happily agreed and said, “Well, lucky for you, (Y/N), my parents are going out of town this weekend.” You smiled and said, “Lucky timing. I can’t wait, sweetheart.” It’s now Friday night, you biked over to Robin’s house after she got off work. When you arrived, you were so glad you had the whole house to yourself. She brought you up to her room and kissed you, then lightly pushed you onto her bed. You giggled and she got on top of you, then kissed you deeper. When she released from the kiss you opened your eyes and looked into hers. Her normal light blue eyes were barely visible behind her blown out pupils. She said, “(Y/N), you’re so beautiful” and then started to kiss your neck. Robin found a tender spot and started to suck on it, eliciting a moan from your mouth. After sucking a dark bruise on your neck, she said, “(Y/N), your moans are so pretty, baby. I want to hear them all, don’t hold back for me, okay?” You nodded and she said, “Good girl”, which made you squirm. She said, “Oh? Does my pretty girl like being praised?” and you rapidly nodded her head. Robin said, “Use your words for me, sweet girl” and you said “Y- Yes, I like- I like being praised.” She grinned and said, “That’s my good girl.” You squirmed again and she said, “I’ll get there pretty girl, be a good girl and be patient for me, (Y/N).” She bit her lip as she heard you let out a small whine. You said, “I’ll be a good girl for you, Rob. I’ll be a good girl, I promise.” She kissed your forehead and said, “I know, sweet girl.” Then she moved and kissed you again, she tugged at your shirt, asking you if she could take it off. You nodded your head and she released from the kiss, then you helped her take it off of you. Robin said, “Is it okay if I take this off too, baby?” as she plays with your bra strap. You nod your head and breathily said, “Please.” She grinned and said, “Good girl for using your words, sweet girl.” You squirmed at the praise and Robin unclasped your bra, then stared at your bare chest with her bottom lip in between her teeth.

She looked up at you and said, “Fuck, you’re so beautiful (Y/N). You’re so beautiful.” You said, “Please touch me, Rob. Please” and that’s all you had to say before she leaned down and started flicking one of your nipples with her tongue. Your hips bucked up and you loudly moaned “Fuck, Robin!” She smiled as she heard her name come out of your mouth and that she could feel you getting hard underneath her. Robin moved her mouth over to your other nipple, giving it the same attention and your hips started to buck up more into her. She stopped playing with your nipple, then giggled and said, “Someone wants to be touched, hmmm?” You said, “Please, Robin! Please! I need you to touch me, please!” and she replied “Only cause you’ve been such a good girl for me, (Y/N).” Robin moved down your body and said, “Is it okay, if I take off-”, you interrupted her, saying “Yes, please take it all off, please!” Robin giggled again and said, “Alright, that answered my question.” She got up and stood between your legs at the end of the bed, then undid your jeans. You lifted your hips and she pulled down them down, along with your underwear. Her jaw dropped when she saw you laying in front of her fully naked and she said, “(Y/N), you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I love you so much, you’re so beautiful, sweet girl.” You smiled and said, “Thank you, Rob. I love you too, sweetheart.” Robin sat on her heels in between your legs and said, “Fuck your cock is so beautiful, sweet girl”, then started to stroke it. You moaned “So good! Feels so good Robin!” and she said “I’m glad sweet girl, I’m glad I can make you feel good.” Robin continued stroking your beautiful cock and after about a minute, you moaned out “Robin, I’m close! I’m close!” Robin looked at you and said, “Be a good girl and cum all over my hand, baby.” A couple seconds later, you loudly moaned, “Fuck Robin! Fuck! Fuck! Robin!” and then came all over her hand. She smiled as your chest was moving rapidly up and down. Then she went a grabbed a towel she put on her nightstand earlier. Robin wiped your cum off her hand and then cleaned off your pretty cock with the towel. You said, “Fuck, that felt so good. Thank you, sweetheart” and she said, “No need to thank me, baby. I’d do it all again to hear those pretty moans come out of your mouth.” Your cheeks turned bright red and you said in a shy voice, “Maybe next time you can do more than just stroke my cock?” Robin’s face is also turned bright red and she said “Like- Like w- what?” You could tell she was flustered and you loved teasing her when she was like this. Your eyes caught hers and you said, “Hmmm, you could ride me? I can stuff you full of my pretty cock, sweetheart. How does that sound for next time?” Robin whimpered and said “S- Sounds g- g- good. S- Sounds really really good, (Y/N).” You hum and say, “Good, I can’t wait, sweetheart”, then you give her a kiss on the cheek. After a couple minutes, she said, “Do you want to take a shower with me, sweet girl? I still need to shower from after work, but I couldn’t wait to see you tonight. We can cuddle afterwards too!” You nodded your head and said, “I’d love that, Rob.” Robin excitedly went to start the shower and get the water warm for the both of you.

When she returned back to her room, she grabbed your hand and brought you into the steamy bathroom. You both got in the shower and washed yourselves clean. You tried your best not to get distracted by Robin’s body, but it was too beautiful. Robin kept rolling her eyes as you kept gawking at her and you both would giggle. After the shower, you both got dressed in pajamas and then cuddled in bed. You nuzzled your head into Robin’s chest and one of her hands was tangled in your hair, playing with it. You said, “Rob?” and she responded back, “Mhmmm?” Your eyes started to tear up and you said, “Thank you for loving me, for me.” She looked down at you and saw some tears rolling down your face, then planted a kiss on the top of your head. Robin said, “(Y/N), you don’t need to thank me for loving who you are. I don’t care that you biologically weren’t born a female, you are a female to me. (Y/N), you are my beautiful girlfriend and I love you.” Your tears turn into sobs of happiness, which makes Robin panic. She says, “Shit (Y/N), did I say something wrong? I’m sorry if I did. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry!” and you look up at her with a smile on your face. You say, “No, no, sweetheart, you didn’t say anything wrong! You’re just so perfect and nobody’s ever made me feel this loved in my whole life.” Robin kissed your head and said, “Aw baby! I promise to make you feel loved and appreciated every day, okay?” You nod and she kisses your head again, then starts to play with your hair, like she was before, trying to calm you down. She hears you take a big yawn and says, “You tired, pretty girl?” You mumble the word, “Sleepy” and she’s trying not to freak out at how cute your tired voice is. She decided she would ramble to Steve about it at work tomorrow. Robin said, “Okay, sweet girl. Lets go to sleep” and she turned off the lamp that was on the nightstand next to her. You mumbled a “Goodnight, I love you” and Robin said, “Goodnight, sweet girl. I love you more.” Robin kissed you on the top of your head and then played with your hair until you both fell asleep. When you woke up the next morning, you almost started crying again at the way you felt so safe and loved with your girlfriend’s arms wrapped around you.

I hope you liked it!!🥺💖

#robin buckley #stranger things #robin buckley smut #top!robin buckley #trans!girl reader #bottom!reader #reader has a praise kink #robin x y/n #robin x you #robin x reader #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley x reader #amab reader #trans reader #st robin #robin stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things robin

[theworldoffostering]

H and Baby barfed in the night/morning. One told me mid-barf that he can't barf without pooping. 😳 Thanks for letting me know that fun fact while standing by my bedside. At least, they’re both old enough to aim into a bucket. H has been okay since morning, but Baby is continuing to vomit into the evening. We just gave him a dose of  Zofran. Poor kid.

I had to take E to an appt an hour away. H was supposed to go too but couldn’t given his illness situation. We left at 8:30 and got home just before noon. We are going to trial an ADHD med for her. Script is sent but an insurance issue has prevented us from picking it up.

On our drive to the appointment this morning, I got a call from the high school. It was Ms. 6 sobbing so hard she could barely talk. Apparently one of her friends disclosed to her BF that Ms. 6 has a second, online BF. Ms. 6 said she was “unsure whether you knew I had an online BF.” 🤦🏻‍♀️ I guess her friend told her to stop playing the victim role which sounds shockingly similar to what I’ve said to her in the past about certain things. Now she’s out a friend, out her BF, and out a prom date. I feel bad for her, but also am proud of her friends for sticking up for each other. I should mention that the online BF we did know about and had expressed concerns over as it was some random dude that was probably a 75yo man in another country and not the hunky 25yo international student he claimed to be.

I conferenced DH into the call and we provided loads of empathy and brainstormed ways she could get through the school day, including picking her up at lunch and getting Taco Bell. She ended up making it through the entire school day with loads of teacher support, and then went to bed before dinner once she got home. One more day before spring break for her. Fingers crossed we can make it through.

DD is clinically anemic, missed at least two doctor appointments, is applying for credit cards (her mail still comes to the house), and isn’t talking to me or returning DH’s phone calls. I’m sad about it and also feel like there is nothing that I can do.

My dad is hanging in there so far. A CNA comes to the house twice a week, and a nurse once to check in on them. We are doing a lot of meal making for them but I’m happy to help.

[mokkemusic]

Have some thoughts about my feelings toward the latest TBHK chapter what emotions and questions and responses it’s now stirred in me with this altered time line. Also a note no I didn’t waste time editing I just wanted to jot my thoughts down so yea.

There is just so much I want to unpack with this. But I guess I just lost a lot of confidence with my thoughts and feeling for a while in every regard so I don’t know if I have the right words or I make sense but man MAN

I was just talking to Erin today about what if we do see Amane in his 60’s with the life he was supposed to live the dreams he was supposed to have! And ok maybe he really can’t make it all the way to the moon but he can think about the moon everyday and look at the stars and share his passion for that to kids who’s he’s teaching astrology to. He can live a life!

And not to be too depressing about this but really the story of Amane at his core is that if you die there is nothing for you. And I know that sounds horrible but that’s the point. We see this silly ghost boy through Nene and everyone’s perspective but then we have these moments that are like no … he’s dead. There is no future there’s nothing.

But imagine we really see a flesh and blood Amane who got to grow up. Now I know that some people have expressed how well they don’t want to see that cause that would mean Hananene wasn’t together and thats ok trust me I somehow want something where things could work out too so much but I’m not Aidairo and I can’t predict any direction. But I don’t think that .. I think we’re seeing this because just like the picture perfect arc and just like even bookstacks even though this is a “real” yet altered timeline and not a picture world it’s gonna show the gravity of the situation when we don’t see that school hat and the seal on his cheek or Hakojoudai. But a lab coat and graying hair and wrinkles and a character filled with memories and accomplishments no matter how small. How his presence and him being alive affects people. What relationships he’s never had a chance to form, what students he’s touched, who he’s maybe gotten to love (before throw daggers at me yes that’s the bittersweet of this like I said don’t think this is the final timeline but if it is I can’t control that) I just know I am gonna have so many mixed emotions for feeling Nenes conflicted emotions, for feeling the pride and peace of that non existent guilt Tsuchigomori harbors, and for myself who got into Hanako and deeply as she did because of bookstacks. I loved and it was great fun. But when they showed the glimpse of “oh that’s.. oh” no matter what I will cry so much when I think about bookstacks when I think about how Amane sat on that ledge and said “he didn’t want to go anywhere ever again” and then he didn’t. It wasn’t uplifting it was just something that Tsuchigomori held onto for years and years, with his most precious possession being the moon rock his student left in his care cause he couldn’t take it with him where he was going.

The amount of fics we’ve all written about how we wanted to see Amane as a teacher and happy or an Astronaut… I can’t explain why it affects me the way that it does but that’s MY thing. The part that got me the most a boy that wanted to go to the moon and (even though we don’t have all the details and background as to how much control he had over it) then essentially let go of all that and life.

So at the same time I would be feeling the angst and the pain if Aidairo is gracious enough to let us see him (and not just a photo that doesn’t have have his full face on Tsuchigomoris desk) I will also be conflicted-ly sobbing tears of joy. Just getting to see this.

Who knows what if the reason he’s Tsuchigomoris former co worker is because he really did then go on to become an astronaut or some position closer to reaching and studying the moon then just being an astrology teacher with the support of his colleagues and students.

I don’t think so but it’s a nice dream you know? 🥹

What if not only we get to see as readers but what if Nene herself somehow gets to see that. The conflicted emotions and sadness and happiness inside me will just truly break me and make me think and yea…

It would have impact. I just hope in whatever capacity this arc really can show that the harsh reality.

[nerdiel-has-no-braincells]

Hello hello!! 🥹 I saw that your requests were open, and I wanted to ask if you can write Blue lock Wanima bros x reader?

Maybe hc about going on a first date with them, separately ofc, where you would go and what you would do, maybe even a kiss at the end, just the usual vv fluffy cute stuff ehehehee

(Just a lil extra detail, but maybe if Junichi starts speaking verbally more just for you on the date so reader can actually understand him if she cant read him well like his brother, reader compliments his voice and gets him flustered)

Extreme thank you if you write for them and I’m very sorry if you don’t 😭

Omgosh this is such a sweet idea 🥹 I love it so much and I love you for bringing up this idea! As much as I dislike how they treated Hyoma, they made me laugh so much, especially Junichi! I have a hilarious photo of him from the manga that I LOVE to use for reaction photos!

I’m also so sorry for how long it took to reply! I’ve been so obsessed with Diablo 4 and Oshi no Ko 😭 It’s taken up my life! (When I’m not sobbing over events because it hits too close to home in episode 6 ( ╥ω╥ ) )

I’m trying something new, so this will be a bit longer. I’m sorry!

First Date with the Wanima Bros.

Everyone in your school knows about the Wanima twins. They’re co-captains of the football club and together they work incredibly well

The only thing that kept others away from the twins was their attitude and the belief that they’re better than others

You notice Keisuke talking to his brother one day in what seemed like a one-sided conversation

You were curious how they were able to hold a conversation with each other so every chance you could get, you studied them out of pure interest

After so long of watching them, you noticed the difference between them

They may be twins, but it didn’t mean they’re the same person

It was then that you fell for him:

Keisuke:

It was his laugh and smile that caught your eye

You noticed that between the two of them, he was more expressive and vocal

One day he sensed you studying them in class during break, and looked at you dead in the eye

This caused you to blush and look away, as if it wasn’t so painfully obvious you were staring

It took a while for you to get the courage to speak to him, the opportunity came during Valentine’s Day

You had made truffles that were powdered with dark cocoa

You had walked up to him during break and gave him the chocolate while your face was bright red

Keisuke glanced up at you then down to the box in your hands

He’s not very popular so when you came up to him, it made him feel shy for the first time in his life as he accepted the chocolates

“Thanks.” He said before looking away, a blush on his face. “You should come to practice.” He mumbled, which you heard

A smile crept up on your face as you nodded

“I’ll be there!” You responded. You excused yourself and once you were out of his sight, you internally squealed and danced

He was doing the same actually

He had actually had a longtime crush on you so knowing you felt the same about him filled his heart with so much warmth

He’s talked about you to his brother, Junichi, who swore he would keep his secret (cuz ya know, he doesn’t talk much)

He’s a total beast on the field and while he’s super talkative to others and his brother, he’s shy when it comes to you

You stood by the bleachers as you excitedly waited for practice to be over. Your teacher had to speak to you after class so you were a bit later than you intended, but Keisuke knew you’d be arriving late based off of the apologetic smile you gave him as class ended. Once the teacher was done discussing your assignment, you skipped your way to the football field, your heart pounding in your chest.

Thankfully you had made it there while they were already playing. You didn’t want to be a distraction from practice and you wanted the opportunity to see Keisuke in his natural state. What you saw were two brothers who didn’t need to communicate with each other in order to make flawless plays and you were in awe as you watched. You thought Keisuke looked cool, never losing that grin of his as he and his brother continued to pass back the ball while they ran full speed across the field.

After Junichi scored the goal, the coach blew the whistle indicating the end of practice. Grabbing their water bottles and towels, everyone made their way to the locker room. Sensing you had watched him, Keisuke’s eyes snapped to yours as he walked past, causing you to smile and wave to him from across the field. The tip of his ears tinted light red as he looked away. Junichi noticed this and made a face that looked like it was full of glee like how someone would tease another.

Twenty or so minutes passed before you saw Keisuke walking out of the building with his hand rubbing the side of his neck, looking at everything but you as he walked to you. You could tell it was nerves by these actions. It made you believe that he was just as nervous as you, and that thought made you smile a bit.

The silence was deafening and you could see Junichi peering around the corner of the building emitting a dark aura around him as his brows were furrowed and his eyes crossed. Keisuke looked over his shoulder, sending that his brother was watching. A quick glimpse was more than enough to know what his brother meant before he looked at you, a blush powdering his cheeks.

Within quick movements, he bowed in front of you with his eyes clamped shut as he yelled.

“I like you! Will you go out with me?!”

You were shocked by the sudden level of noise that came out of Keisuke. Silence took over once again, causing Keisuke to start sweating profusely as he waited for your response.

A giggle erupted from your throat, catching Keisuke off guard. He felt his heart break, he was sure that you felt the same after giving him chocolates for Valentine’s Day. He stands up straight while looking away to hide the disappointment on his face.

“That was so loud it scared me! But it makes me happy that you like me too.” You said, still giggling.

Too?

Keisuke looked at you with wide eyes. Did someone else confess? As he opened his mouth to ask, you answered him.

“I’d love to go out with you! I was so worried that you didn’t feel the same when you were walking to me.” Your giggles had vanished and what was left was a warm smile as pink dusted your cheeks.

Keisuke stood still, feeling like what happened wasn’t just real. He blinked once. Twice. Four times before he responded.

“What did you say?” He asked.

Rather than answer, you stepped forward and pressed your lips against his cheek before pulling away and flashing a grin at him. He was stunned, he froze on the spot not knowing what to do. He felt his entire face turn red. Lifting his arm to hide his face from you, you thought to yourself how cute he looked, the thought made you blush as you felt your heart melt.

Willing himself to calm down, Keisuke looks at you and smiles.

“Let’s go on a date now.” He suggested, which made your heart skip a beat.

“But what about your brother?” You ask, looking over his shoulder, trying to find his brother.

Keisuke shook his head and pulled out his phone, pulling up the text Junichi sent. The text included nothing but emojis, which made it hard to read.

“He already went home and he’s happy for me.” Keisuke interpreted. It warmed your heart that Junichi had been there during the confession in case his brother needed him.

“I love that you two care for each other. It’s really sweet.” You responded, tilting your head to the side a bit as you grinned.

Keisuke stared at you and felt his heart skip a beat. You were so beautiful. He never thought you would reciprocate his feelings all this time until today. Thanking the gods for Valentine’s Day existing, he moved his hand to hold yours, rubbing his calloused thumb over your knuckles. Your hands were so soft compared to his. He looked forward to see what the future holds for the two of you.

Gently squeezing his fingers, you felt your heart skip a couple of beats.

“Let’s go! Where do you want to go?” You ask.

Keisuke looks up as he thinks. He’s never been on a date before so he couldn’t think of where to go. Movies and tv shows always showed movie and a dinner? But it was getting late as the sunset began to disappear, so there was no time for both.

You noticed he began to sweat as he thought. You decided to make it easier for him.

“Where is your favorite place to go?” You ask.

Keisuke snaps out of his thought to look at you. Bless you for making it easier for him, he thought as he smiled.

Scratching his cheek, he answered honestly. “Cat cafe.”

You felt yourself internally gushing with love. He probably didn’t let others know and he told you anyway.

“I love cat cafes!” You happily said.

He knew. It was the first time he saw you. He was feeling down that day and decided to visit the cat cafe since he heard that surrounding yourself with animals helped when it came to depression and just feeling sad. As he walked in, he saw you and his heart stopped.

You were covered in kittens and cats and you looked happier than ever as you rubbed noses with one of the kittens as one laid lazily on your head, two on either shoulders, and a couple more climbing over the sleeping adult cat that was on your lap.

It was the loveliest thing Keisuke had ever seen. His life revolved only around his brother and football and that was all he needed until he saw you.

As he took a seat across the room and ordered, he watched as you continued to play with and love on the cats. He then felt a nudge against his leg, causing him to look down to find a fluffy white cat rubbing against his legs, occasionally looking up at you while purring.

Never having been near a cat, he wasn’t sure what to do so he poked the cat’s head with his finger, which the cat sniffed and licked causing him to chuckle.

He liked cat cafes. It led him to meet you.

After your date, Keisuke walked you home. Unwilling to let the night end so soon, he lingered a bit as he held your hand, unsure of what to do.

You took the initiative and kissed him on the lips before you looked at him, bright red tinting your face. At least your face matched his. But his face just kept getting more and more red as the seconds went by before he felt like running away. Which he did as he yelled goodnight, causing you to giggle. You were excited for school the next day.

Junichi:

Onto the older one!

He’s absolutely more expressive of the two but only his brother is able to fully understand what he’s saying

His expressions are what made you interested in him actually

Sometimes they were too goofy and they made you laugh

It was one of those times where he heard your melodic laugh after making such an expression that he noticed you

At first he thought you were making fun of him, which upset him

Keisuke noticed the upset look on his face (imagine the look when they had to say goodbye right before the 2nd selection)

Needless to say this upsets Keisuke to no end so he ended up stomping over to you to tell you off

And he does just that

It throws you completely off when it happens though

“What are you laughing at?! Do you think my bro’s funny enough to laugh at? How ‘bout I laugh at you?!”

And he did just that until Junichi grabbed him and ran away

You blinked as you watched them leave and you could swear you saw tears flying past Keisuke’s head

It tugged at your heart as you realized why Keisuke was so angry with you and it upset you that you hurt the one person you didn’t want to hurt

You didn’t mean to but looking back you can see how it could be taken as especially since the two of you never spoke

So after class, you decided to take action and in order to do that, you needed to clear things up

So as soon as you could, you grabbed Keisuke and pulled him to the side without Junichi knowing while placing a hand over his mouth as you found a place to talk to him

He promised to not yell to hear you out so you gently took your hand away from his mouth only for him to start yelling at you

So you placed your hand back over your mouth

“Please! Let me clear up this misunderst-“ you quickly speak before squealing and letting go

He licked your hand

He began to yell at you before he realized what you said

Crossing his arms and looking away angrily, he gives you the chance to speak, so you explain everything, including your feelings for Junichi

Somewhere along your explanation, he looked at you and it warmed his heart that you liked his brother, so he decided to give you a chance after practice, which you happily agreed to since you had studying to do anyway

Practice was over by the time you got to the field and everyone had already been coming out of building, making their way home. You and Keisuke had planned to have Junichi meet you at the field where Keisuke says he’ll meet him. Only it would be you meeting hun instead.

Rolling on the balls of your feet, you felt your nerves start to get the better of you as you waited. You heard footsteps nearby, which caused you to look over your shoulder to see Junichi looking down at the ground, his eyebrows upturned. It seemed like he was still thinking of earlier, which tugged at your heart.

As if sensing someone was nearby, he looked up at you, which caused him to visibly freeze. Turning fully around, you raise your hand as a way of greeting, feeling a bit awkward. You wanted to clear things up but didn’t know where to start.

Somehow Junichi stayed there, watching you with upturned eyebrows. He wasn’t sure what it was that you wanted but he could at least see what you would do. You tucked your hair behind an ear as your eyes avoided his, trying to find a way to start the conversation. You had to. You were the cause of the feelings your crush was experiencing. Finally closing your eyes, you bowed down, your back horizontal to the ground. This act made Junichi jump and stare with a quizzical expression.

“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t laughing at you, er, I was, but not in a mean way! I didn’t mean to hurt you and I wanted to clear it up with you!” You hurriedly explain.

After what felt like hours of silence, you look up at him to see his quizzical look which consisted of his mouth creating an caret as his brows were arched upwards. You slapped your hands over your mouth as you tried to not laugh at him. You just cleared things up and you weren’t about to mess it up again. Except you only let out muffled giggles.

“I’m sorry.” You spoke in between giggles. “I promise I’m trying to not laugh.” Giggle. “Your expressions just make me laugh.” Giggle. “I love them.” You continued to google.

This took Junichi by surprise, he didn’t expect you to love his expressions. His entire face began to turn red out of both embarrassment and because he was overly aware of how cute you were. Your laughter was what made him notice you to begin with. It made him happy knowing that you didn’t think any less of him, but more that you liked him.

Your giggling coming to a halt, you noticed Junichi’s red face and it made you more aware that your face was turning equally red. You didn’t want your conversation to end there, so you decided to tell him.

“Hey, um..” you begin, your hands fumbling with the bottom of your school uniform sweater vest. Looking down, you feel your anxiety building up. You felt that you should just blurt it out like you did earlier. “I l-l..” you begin. Closing your eyes, you confess louder than you intended.

“I l-like you Junichi!”

Moments pass and instead of looking up, you keep your eyes closed as you stayed still.

“O-oh.” You heard a deep voice say, which caused your eyes to snap open and lift your head. Junichi held his hand over the lower half of his face trying to hide how red it was. His eyes were looking to the side.

Looking back at you, he bowed just as you had earlier, causing you to jump. You could feel the rejection coming up.

“Thank you so much! Please take care of me!” He yelled.

You blinked a couple of times and you felt your cheeks heat up, causing you to slap your hands against them. The noise caused Junichi to jump and lift his head to look at you.

“What do you-? Do you mean that-?” You couldn’t finish what you were saying in the case it would raise your hopes. Although they were still raised, feeling your heart beating against your chest.

Junichi quickly stood straight and nodded a few times.

“So does that mean…” you begin. “…we’re dating?” You squeaked out the last bit, feeling as if what was going on was unreal. Maybe it was a dream.

Junichi nodded again, his expression serious but his face growing a deeper shade of red. His confirmation only made the blush spread from your cheeks to the rest of your face as you stared at Junichi with wide eyes. You felt tears begin to spill as you smile.

Junichi jumped and took a couple of steps towards you, his eyebrows knitted upwards as he expressed worry.

“I’m so happy.” Looking at Junichi, who had walked up to you with his worried expression. “I didn’t think you’d want to date me. I was so upset with myself for making you sad so I thought I ruined everything.”

He was stunned. He didn’t realize that you felt this way the entire time when you had only expressed your fondness over him.

Not knowing how to make the situation better, he opted to hug you close to him. He could feel his heart pounding and hoped you couldn’t hear it.

You were too preoccupied with your own heart as you stood there in Junichi’s arms. You couldn’t believe what was happening, given how the day began. Yet here you were in your now boyfriend’s arms. You were wholly convinced this was a dream and you didn’t ever want to wake up.

Raising your head to look at Junichi, you noticed how close your faces were. Junichi looked at you, staring into your eyes to make sure your tears stopped, which they had the moment he hugged you. You both felt calm as the two of you leaned towards each other, pressing your lips against the other’s in a gentle kiss that lasted about five heartbeats before you pulled away. His lips were a bit dry, but you enjoyed it. At least some of your lip gloss transferred onto his lips.

Looking back into each other’s eyes, the two of you smiled, completely content with each other’s presence.

“I don’t want to go home yet.” Junichi said, his eyes looking down as his brows furrowed slightly.

“Let’s go on a date then!” You offered. It was getting late in the day, close to night time, so there weren’t many options.

Junichi shook his head. “We can go Sunday. I want to spend the day with you, but for now, can I walk you home?”

You grinned at his offer and nodded. “That sounds perfect.”

Loosening his hold on you, his hand slid down your arm before taking a hold of yours. He hoped you didn’t mind. He wanted to hold your hand to touch you and be close to you. It was weird, he only noticed you today and yet you made him feel like this. Was this a crush? You got to him somehow and now that you have him, he had no plans on letting go.

As the two of you walked to your home, you noticed he had become more vocal rather than relying on his expressions. It was probably due to the fact that you couldn’t read him as well as his brother. Upon reaching your house, Junichi walked you to your door and the two of you kissed once again.

On your weekend, the two of you went to an amusement park where he took you on rides and won you prizes. So much so that your arms were full so he had to carry some.

You were incredibly happy with your day, spending time with Junichi was something you could only dream of. As time went on, Junichi felt his feelings for you grow throughout the day. He remembered seeing you trying your hardest holding the plushies he won for you and couldn’t help but think how cute you were.

Maybe you should go on dates every day.

I hope you enjoy this!! Again, I’m so sorry for how long it took to get this done for you, so I hope this was worth the wait!

Asks will always be open, so if you think of anything else, please don’t hesitate to let me know! ❤️

Blue Lock is created and owned by Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura

©️nerdiel-has-no-braincells Please do not copy and post without approval. Reblogs and comments are ok with me!

#blue lock #bllk #bluelock #blue lock wanima bros #keisuke wanima #junichi wanima #bllk junichi #bllk wanima #bllk keisuke #bluelock wanima #bluelock keisuke #bluelock junichi #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #bluelock scenarios

[ecoamerica]

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[taking-thyme]

I find it so funny that I’m like “I’m not a good witch, I barely even meditate, nothing spiritual going on here” meanwhile I have supernatural things happen to me constantly but I still don’t think anything of it. I’m like if Shane Madej was a witch 🤦‍♀️

Like seriously, here’s a list of all the supernatural shit that’s happened to me so far:

I once started sobbing with worry because it was November and there wasn’t any snow yet, and not 5 minutes later did a blizzard begin. There was no snow on the forecast (hence the crying). My siblings still call me “the snow witch” after this incident 

I was joking about Satan at school one day and my nose immediately started bleeding. I told my history teacher and he absolutely freaked out and accused me of being a demon

My sister’s Godmother’s prayer rope (basically an Orthodox Rosary) exploded for no reason. It was just hanging on a hook, nothing touched it, and then I heard a “POP” and beads went around the room as the prayer rope lay in pieces on my desk. I cannot stress enough how literally nothing was touching it or anything. I just said “wow I must be haunted” and carried on with my day

I once had a dream where I actually hit the ground after falling. Apparently old wives tales say that if you hit the ground during a falling dream you actually die. Who knows, maybe I am dead and Purgatory is just Earth but worse?

I asked the Universe for a sign on what to do while walking home, disgruntled after a day of doing nothing, and immediately a Dove erupted out of a nearby tree fighting off a Crow. That’s an omen if I’ve ever seen one

I’m a pagan witch who works with Apollo, Thor and Odin. I once had a very important dream where I was speaking with Odin and Thor, but unfortunately I can’t remember what they said to me. I’m just so amazed that I actually had a dream about them

Also, on the note about working with Apollo, there are TONS of crows and ravens in my neighborhood and I always say "Hi Apollo" whenever I see them. In a tarot reading about which deity to work with, The Sun card flung itself out of the pile and I was like "Okaayyy, Apollo it is!"

I was listening to a Tarot reading once and the reader went “I feel like the name Gigi or Cici is important” and I literally had to stand up and pace because my deceased Great Grandmother’s name was Gigi. A couple days later I was talking about her with my Mom and she mentioned redoing some of Gigi’s old craft projects, and I heard a woman say “Don’t mess with my stuff”.. So apparently Gigi is some sort of ghost or spirit guide 

I frequently see shadowy humanoid figures in my peripheral vision, but when I turn to greet them nobody’s there. While I do wear glasses, I’ve gotten my eyesight checked for anything that could be causing these figures and have gotten nothing. The figures are sometimes very detailed, with clothes and eyes, but once again, one look and nothing was ever there. I sometimes wonder if I’m seeing ghosts or something. 

My mother was declared reproductively sterile before giving birth to me and my 3 older siblings. Yet more evidence that I’m secretly a demon

That time a faerie ring popped up in my backyard. Our garden has flourished effortlessly every year since. 

As a witch, the first spell I ever performed was a healing spell. My friend was sick with Crohn's Disease and was bed bound at the hospital for a while, so I got his permission to do a healing spell to try and make him feel better. Not 30 minutes after the spell was complete did I get a text from him saying he felt a lot better and that it must've worked. He was also allowed to go home a few days later. 

I have a really good sense of Intuition, to the point where I can feel when it’s going to rain or snow before it actually does. I was on a walk with my Mom once, and I told her we shouldn’t go down that path because there would be snakes. She said that’s ridiculous, but not 5 minutes later, she just goes “Damn you, child” as a snake slides past her foot. I still haven’t let her live that down. 

Conclusion: I may be the Witch version of a Disney Princess. If I ever randomly stop posting, assume I've been whisked away on a magical adventure, please and thank you.

#witchblr #witchcraft #witch #baby witch #fave

[smallraindrops-blog]

After having my heart ripped out by the broken spear one shot, I can't help but imagine how the reunion between Petroclus, Achilles and Y/N in the afterlife, like it would be so heart wrenching, I want to see it so bad.

Also my brain is trying to create a scenario where Y/N is already together with Hypnos at that point (somehow? Who needs the plot to make sense???), like how would they react to their son finding love when they weren't with him?

I apologize for my ramblings, I had to get this out of my sistem, I hope it was amusing to read at least 😊

*deep breath* okay okay okay. so the fact i wasn’t the only one wondering makes feel so better and the moment I read your ask, I have started writing a second part. Which I will try to have out soon, but I wanted to respond now since it might take a couple days for me.

Also never apologize for your ramblings, It was the highlight of my day.

Gonna post *my* rambling under the readmore. fyi it will spoil the whole fic so if you don’t want that, don’t look under the readmore.

(Ps. i have been hanging out with Dionysus for the last two hours so i will sound drunk and there will be mistakes, sorry. *hugs*)

okay so y/n is like dead and stuff, he is a shade and he somehow ends up in the house

laid eyes on hypnos and falls in love right away ( he is younger in this and so is a little less grown up then his canon self, and more… open then he would be)

Like he honestly thought he met a unknown god of beauty the first time he saw Hypnos

hades have heard already of his battle skills and offer him an job as an guard. And if he agrees, he get one request that Hades will fill for him as an pact.

y/n accepts and request both of his parents have a place in Elysium. and then Hades inform after he made the pact, he wouldn’t be allowed to see his parents. period.

even so, he tried to make the best of it, because at least his parents will have their rest.

when hypnos have inform him his parents had passed shortly after, he just nod but Hypnos saw the pain in his eyes. later alone his room, y/n weeps and blames himself.

a day later or so, he meet little kid Zagreus. who latched on to him and taken up to trying to spend all of his time with Y/N

y/n just tried to ignore him at first but zagreus is a hard headed little kid

eventually he will become Zagreus’ teacher/big brother and often tells stories of his parents

Because he was just a common shade to the gods, Hypnos was assigned to oversee his training with Zagreus.

this leads to them talking and slowly getting closer, at first just close friends who pretty much just pine over each other.

they learn about all the good and bad about each other but that only make them grow closer, maybe even sharing a night together before officially getting together sometime later.

eventually they will get together while Zagreus is a teenager.

When Zagreus get older and starting to get out of the house, he runs into Patroclus first, and let him know y/n is doing okay.

everytime Zagreus stopped by, he will update Patroclus on Y/N

once in a very soft and broken voice, he will ask Zagreus if he had found a man by the name of Achilles.

”No, I’m sorry sir. but you said his name is Achilles? I will find him for you. And for Sir Y/N.”

it only after his first escape, that he fintally find Achilles hidden away in some part of Tartarus ( he had given his spot in Elysuim) who wouldn’t even speak to Zagreus at first.

it only when he brings Y/N’s bracer, the one Achilles had given him, that Achilles finally starts talking to him.

it takes a while but Zagreus was able to reunited the family in Elysium.

It was very heart wenching at first, Patroclus and Y/N held on to each other as they both cried. Achilles stayed back, still not feeling worthy of even talking to his family

it only when Patoclus pulled him over ( the first time Patroclus had looked at him, let alone touch him in forever and that made Achilles sob) that he allowed himself to be close to his family.

they talk for a long time, tears and anger and love overspilling

when they calm down, he tell them of Hypnos. and how lovely he had been.

but they will be happy for him, and just glad he met someone even after death

they are heartbroken becasue they always something like that for their son, to know someone else would take care of him

And they are sad they didn't get to be there for him while he got to have that experience

and they tell him to bring the little god with him at some point so they can meet

after y/n have to return to the house, i think they will stand there in silence, unable to find the words they need to say to each other

achilles still haven’t forgiven himself (and let be real here, will probably never completely forgive himself for what he caused.)

Patroclus would be torn because he still love Achilles but the hurt from what happen during the war then just giving up the sacrifice Y/N made for them, would just hurt him

Slowly, over time. they will talk and cry and rage and find each other again

but Patroclus would make achiles, broken and quiet, follow him.

Achilles would unable to say no, and just hopes he might be able to get a smile from his beloved someday

Slowly they heal, and forgive each other and all are finally, finally at peace.

[zyonsay]

Hi can you write Oscar Piastri x male reader where the male reader has very bad mental health and starts a mental health journal were he writes in it every day

You keep me grounded OP81

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: You aren't feeling well and Oscar wants to talk about it

Reader: Male

Warnings: Mental unwellness

Now playing: My teacher yapping about IT

AN: This is short and rushed, but i hope you still enjoy. Please take care of yourself anon <3

Oscar had noticed that something wasn’t right. It’s not like you didn’t function in your daily life anymore, but you got quieter. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he noticed you starting to write in a small book of sorts.

Whenever he’d catch you writing something in it, you’d immediately hide it under your pillow or put another book over it. Oscar wasn’t careless enough to just search for it and read through it, he understood that would break your trust and invade your privacy.

But he couldn’t take it any longer. Oscar wanted to know what was wrong. He couldn’t stand his boyfriend not feeling well.

You were sitting on the couch in the living room, huddled in a blanket and scrolling through Instagram, when your partner suddenly appeared behind you, leaning down to hug you. This startled you at first, but then you smiled slightly, holding his arms that were wrapped around you.

“Can we talk?”, he said in a rather sad tone, making you wonder what had upset him. You nodded, patting the space next to you on the couch. He sat down and took one of your hands in his.

One look into his warm, brown eyes was enough for tears to start running down your cheeks. His expression looked pained, and he got a bit closer to you.

“I know that something isn’t right baby. Please talk to me. I want to help you.”, Oscar was absently rubbing patterns on your hand, giving it a light squeeze as he looks back into your eyes.

You were struggling to put your feelings into words. Daily life was getting more and more exhausting, and you felt all alone in this mess. Burdening Oscar with your troubles wasn’t really something you wanted to do, but dealing with it alone also didn’t work well.

This was the reason why you started a journal. It was easy and practical, you could vomit your thoughts out onto the paper and then decorate it with pretty flowers, as if you weren’t ugly crying just a few minutes ago. You knew that you should get professional help but organizing everything seemed awfully difficult.

You struggled keeping up the eye contact, so you avoided Oscars soft gaze. 

“I... I feel like shit.” The end of your sentence was swallowed by a big sob, and you started crying again. Oscar slung his arms around you and pulled you into him, holding you close. He calmly stroked your hair, whispering sweet little words.

“I feel so lonely. I don’t want to feel that way. “, you swallowed hard and hid your face in the crook of your boyfriend’s neck.

Oscar hugged you even tighter. “You don’t have to feel that way.”, he tipped your chin up so he can pamper your face with feather light kisses. “We’ll work through it together, I’m here for you.”

He got up from the couch. “Choose a movie you like sweetheart. I’ll go get some snacks,” he smiled warmly at you, before making his way towards the kitchen.

You scrolled through your streaming service and found your favorite movie: Ratatouille.

Oscar and You are now cuddled up with a bowl of popcorn between your legs and various packs of sweets lying all over the couch and the coffee table while Remy, the rat, was cooking a soup on screen.

#gay #male reader #f1 x male reader #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #x male reader #male reader insert #reader insert #x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri x you #ZyonsRequests

[doctor-ciel]

hey. Hey. i’m a random internet stranger and i need to know every detail of your classmates overreacting to that poem about kink. what do you mean they SCREAMED ??????

(Post in question). I’m not making this rebloggable for my own privacy and peace of mind, and for the sake of the people I talk about in this post. I'm also going to leave this up for 24 hours max to give anon the chance to read this.

Ok so some background information about the guy who wrote this poem, is that he always wrote weird poems in a humorous tone. Not in a limerick style, but think the kind of tone a limerick tends to have, with the rhyming and everything. For example, another one of his poems was about loving meat but it kinda became obvious that the poem was about cannibalism. Our teacher liked his poems and said a few different times that she could always tell when one was written by him.

In this poem, each stanza was a few lines about admirable traits he got from different heritages(I don’t remember them exactly but I think one of them was Irish), with the last line being a fetish that he claimed to inherit from that part of his family. He clarified during the workshop that none of them were actual fetishes of his, they were either made up or belonged to his friends(idk whether this was true or something he said bc of people’s reaction, but either way it doesn’t matter).

To me the poem was parodying people who idolize their european heritage and pokes holes in the fantasy that older times were an age of valor and shit, but we never got to talk about anything like that in his workshop.

The way this class worked was that we all had read this a week prior(or 20 minutes prior if you’re me and procrastinate). So they weren’t wailing as their first reaction to it. It was more that the longer everyone had to talk about this poem the louder they got.

People skirted around the subject matter a while. But as they kept circling the drain their disgust with it became more apparent. Lots of groaning and laughing like “haha are we really talking about this?” Please bear in mind that as I think the only 19 year old, I was the youngest in the class. I think I was the only freshman. Everyone was adults.

One of the kinks in the poem was inflation, and my teacher didn’t know what it was. Half the class jumped to say “NONONO DON’T LOOK you DON’T want to know”, and a few minutes later when she said she had looked it up the same people all wailed and pulled their hands across their face and fake sobbed. This teacher was a graduate student and was the same age or even younger than some of the students in the class. Only about half the class acted this way, I imagine the silent half thought the poem was normal. There was one girl who offered to sell feet pics to his friend and he said he’d get in touch, that was cool.

Anyway this guy came in for one more class where he was silent the whole time, and never came to class again.

I told my mom about what happened and she said she was surprised to see people my age react so negatively when her generation had worked so hard to push sexual freedom. And was especially surprised this was coming from a creative writing class when the people who take those classes should be the type that likes to express themselves. That about sums up my thoughts too.

This is part of a larger problem that I noticed in a lot of my classmates in the creative writing program, and I don’t know if it’s a problem with my school specifically or a general problem with this generation and the writing major. I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to have picked this major because they write and/or read as a hobby to comfort themselves or relax. When they have to read or write heavy material, they get uncomfortable or even lash out. The quarter before that, people almost always complained about the short stories we were assigned to read, often calling them “pointless” or “boring and dark” (meanwhile I enjoyed every one of them, and usually got weird looks for saying that. A lot of times I ended up being the only one or one of the only ones who had anything to say during the discussion, and my teacher had to basically lead the whole thing herself.)

One of the units in that class was nonfiction and one guy wrote about his close friend who killed himself. It was a really good piece, he didn’t talk about the suicide itself but reflected on his friend, and how his friend group changed after graduation and it changed how he saw the adult life ahead of him. During his workshop he said that writing it was cathartic and therapeutic. Another student told him it was irresponsible to write something so triggering and said he should not have written it. Either implied or said directly(I think it was said directly) that creative writing should be uplifting, not bring you down.

It seems to me that these sort of people wanted going to college to mean turning their hobby into a degree, without having to see anything uncomfortable. But that’s exactly what college is, ESPECIALLY if you’re going into anything that deals with writing. These were all beginner-level classes that I was able to take as a freshman, so I think what I was seeing was all of these people’s first realization that college was not going to be what they thought it was.

#chris post #ask