#my wife will die of lung cancer my wife

[lover-of-botatoes]

lung cancer

#my wife will die of lung cancer my wife #god i love this art style #GOD IM BOTHERED BY HIS HAND?? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT??? #im gojng to disintereaftgrate #anyway. i like how this turned out!! the smoke looks very cool in my humble opinion :> #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #reigen arataka #arataka reigen #art #artists on tumblr #botato art :D #drawing #my lovely wife #smoking #tw smoking #smoking tw

[pyrrhiccomedy]

the one thing I have heard probably the most consistently, from the most people, since being diagnosed with breast cancer, is that I have a "good attitude;" meaning, that I make jokes about having cancer, which makes whoever is listening to me feel better about the fact that I have cancer.

Here's the thing - the worst part of having cancer (so far, in my experience - I'll update as this progresses) is having to live with the constant, oppressive dread that right now, somewhere in my body, a cancer cell is taking root in my bones, or in my lungs. That it will silently grow, and spread, and eventually become rampant and untreatable, killing me decades before my time, and I won't know that I'm on that course until it's too late to do anything about it. That I will have to leave my wife alone, that she will have to watch me die painfully and without dignity, and that I will leave this world without having had the time to see so much of what makes it beautiful and strange.

this is not a funny thought!

However, the second worst part of having cancer is - okay, so they removed the tumor, right, and at the same time, they also removed a clump of lymph nodes in my armpit. They do that to test whether or not the cancer has spread. So coming out of surgery, I have two incision sites: one above where the tumor was, and the other one on my trunk right about where your bra passes under your arm.

And that means I'm not allowed to wear deodorant for ten days.

Imagine me: stinky, in my bed. I am an adult woman with a beating heart. I will not claim I have any greater share of dignity or wisdom than a typical example of my cohort, but I have lived and learned and erred, and amassed a small collection of accomplishments which I would not be ashamed to present to God at my reckoning, should such a being exist, and should such a reckoning take place. Times when I have shown meaningful kindness to someone when it would have been more convenient or popular to do nothing. Times when I have told a necessary truth to my own painful detriment. Things I have made that possessed, to at least a meager measure, a glimmer of genuine beauty. Trust I have earned, and not betrayed. I'm not a saint, but my soul is not nothing, and as I am forced to reckon with my own mortality in a way that few people my age ever do, I, like - I smell pretty bad? And like - my armpit is, like, clammy. I mean, how long has it been since you didn't wear deodorant for multiple days. There's a change in texture that I was not expecting. Just in the right armpit! The left armpit is fine, she gets to have deodorant.

But like, stress makes the B.O. situation not so hot, and I'm medically prohibited from doing the one thing that would rectify the situation. I own deodorant. It's right over there. I can see it from where I'm sitting. I am sure you understand of course that I am immersed in greater miseries. Even aside from the existential dread of having cancer - the incisions are painful. I'm very tired. I have two blown-out veins from when the anesthesiologist struggled to find a workable injection site before the surgery, so I have some wild bruising, and I can't really bend my left arm. But these are afflictions with some dignity. To have pain or fatigue after surgery is rather ennobled in the common discourse. But - do I have to smell like ham, too?

Must I smell like rank ham?

Of course the solution to the ham smell is just to take more showers, but bathing after surgery presents its own category of woes, which are also not particularly dignified. And it's here, caught betwixt the Scylla and Charybdis of 'smelling like old meat' and 'unwinding my boob from its surgical sling to take another ride around the wet room rodeo' that I find the humor in my situation. The feeble ape rails against her trivial but intractable stink!

And that humor spreads - much like cancer! - to everything else that it touches. It is, actually, very funny to tell someone that the joke Christmas gift they got for me is probably what gave me cancer. It's funny, when people find out I got my diagnosis on January 2nd, to blandly follow that up with "--So, 2024, not off to a great start, but 2025 is going to be my year." It's funny, when someone invites me to something we both know I probably don't want to go to, to suck air between my teeth and go, "Ooh, I would, but, you know--the cancer. Yeah, I can feel it flaring up right now. Maybe next time."

Things are funny when they subvert your expectations. People expect you to treat your cancer diagnosis very gravely, and so it's funny - to them, and to me - when I don't. And then they tell me I have "a great attitude."

"You'll be fine," I've heard over and over again. "You have a great attitude. That's the most important thing, in this kind of a situation - keeping a great attitude."

I certainly hope that's true! There is definitely plenty of science to support the idea that a positive mental attitude has an impact on health outcomes. I think the effectiveness of modern chemotherapy drugs, and the extent to which my particular cancer responds to them, will have a significantly larger impact; and that moreover, it's probably prudent to remember that people with great attitudes die of cancer every day. But I will not turn my nose up at a percentage point or two perhaps coming from the willingness to crack jokes about all the cancer I've got, and how surprised I was to learn that I'd got it.

As I suggested up top, I know that when people say "you have a great attitude," they sometimes genuinely mean that they are pleased to find me in a mental state that might increase my chances of recovering from a deadly disease, but mostly they mean "thanks for not being a huge bummer about your cancer. I appreciate you for not ruining my day about it." And I'm completely okay with that. Like, yeah - I am deliberately sparing you from the burden of having to Take Seriously my life-threatening condition. You're welcome. I, too, would rather avoid this conversation on one of the finite number of Thursdays God has seen fit to grant unto the measure of our lives. What the fuck are you supposed to do about any of this?

(Shout out to my one good work buddy who, on hearing the news, instantly responded with "Oh my god, Geri Hallwell aka Ginger Spice also got breast cancer young! You're like twins!" Thus far he is the only person who has said something in response to the news that actually made an immediate, positive impact.)

So anyway, obviously all I ever say in response to "you have a great attitude" is "Thanks! I'm just focusing on the positives and taking it a day at a time." Because that's true, and moreover, it's all anyone needs to hear.

What I'd like to say - not to them, because there's no point in burdening them any further than the embarrassing reminder of death burdens anyone - but maybe to someone, maybe just to You, maybe that's why I'm writing this -

What I'd like to say is: dogg, you have no idea how subverted my expectations have been lately. How could I not find this funny?

How profoundly alienated from the absurdity of death would I have to be to not laugh about this?

Like - I know this is so stupid, but listen: I could die. No, no - listen - no I know everyone dies - but like - are you listening? Are you actually listening? I could die. I could die. I could die. I could die.

Isn't that so funny? Isn't that actually so funny?

And this - this attitude that I'm in, right now, this one right here, where shaking my head ruefully and marveling at the - maybe belated, but I think probably actually quite premature - realization that oh no, 'everyone dies' means for me too, huh - and laughing at myself for never, apparently, really grasping that until now, and laughing at the incredible statistical unlikelihood my cancer - I've never won anything before! - and laughing at how woefully ill-prepared most people are to respond to news like this, and laughing about how, of everything terrible about cancer, the actual number-two-on-the-list worst thing about it so far is that I can't put on deodorant -

Is this the great attitude you're talking about?

I'm not angry, I'm not resentful, I'm curious, I'm really curious. Do you understand why I'm laughing?

[romanoffsbish]

A Whiskey Lullaby (A Cruel Life)

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Heavily Inspired by:

Warnings: Neglect (All Kinds) | Alcoholic Nat | Sick R | Death (Romeo & Juliet, but make it sapphic - Cancer / Suicide) | NonCannon IW/EG Allusions | Happy Ending (all Things Considered) | WC: 1,604

You were tired. You always were now that you knew you were dying. The doctor said at least a year but they were too enthused; lying to you, because it was only two months since then and you knew very well that the day you die is here.

And now — You wanted to talk to your wife, to get to maybe share one more dance beneath the stars but she wasn't available. She hadn't been for awhile, before you stopped running from your fate. The drinking started a month before, the lying and constant evasion came next. Natasha was mad at you, and you were dying. Dying to know why, dying to hear her say I love you one last time, but, she was dying to strangle you, to take you before the cancer.

——

Dying to know why, and as she laid on the couch with a puddle of beer staining the carpet you told her, "There's never a right time to say goodbye my dear, and I hope you'll forgive me in due time for leaving you this way." Forgive you for what? She'll never know because she was too drunk to hear you verbalize what she already knew was in your heart (and lungs).

Cancer took you and the world mourned first.

Natasha woke up to the deafening silence. Not even the birds were singing. The dead leaves not falling, and you weren't answering her pleas. Natasha crumbled to her knees beside the bed. Her guilt laced grief rattling through the cracks in the walls she'd recklessly built.

The bright leaves fell then. As did your limp hand from hers when she felt the chilled skin.

The redhead stumbled from your room and sent Yelena a text, "Izvini." (Sorry). Then she returned with a poisoned bottle of whiskey.

Natasha failed to love you like she solemnly promised (vowed). She let grief consume her. The waste of time drinking started the moment that she knew you were leaving her behind. It wasn't the actuality—the cruel world taking you—nope, it was you, breaking a sacred promise.

To stay with her til the end, hers; not yours.

How could you take her lifeline away? Then actually expect her to breathe right some day?

Natasha wouldn't give you that satisfaction.

You neglected yourself for the sake of her for years. Not complaining of pain when she was met with financial problems after Tony died and his estate froze the Avengers funds until they could unveil his final will and testament.

During the blip she was running out of money every time she thought she stood a chance at bringing you back; you, who was already sick.

A daughter lost her father, a wife her husband. Millions were brought back from extinction, surely it counted for something, but what did all of the sacrifice mean if she lost you too?

Her mind plays a loop of every time you'd coughed while you were on the run with her. Never near a hospital long enough to tell her that something was wrong, because you would never risk losing her to Ross as you got cured.

She would have turned herself in to Tony for him to swear to it you were covered. The man loved you enough to put differences aside, and Ross wasn't stupid enough to let you die.

Natasha would have survived because she would have gotten you back eventually. She was well known for her ability to make herself disappear and return when the time is right.

Timing was always tough for you two. Like when you missed the first date because you saw someone in need and tended to them instead.

You felt peace for a glorious few seconds.

Then once you realized you blew the redhead off you ran around the city on a mission. It started with you getting wine, then a pizza and ended with you pleading with the owner of the flower shop to unlock the door, and then once more pleading with a fist at Nat's front door.

You knocked, and knocked until she opened. You handed her the smushed up tulips in a rash wave of anxiety and she spluttered the petals from her lips and stared at you blankly. Green eyes holding a grudge against her perfect match, a foolish wager to take a chance on.

Natasha's anger nearly blew it, but you beat her with your rushed words: "I'm sorry for missing our date Natasha. I love pasta, and you too."

Natasha's eyes widened and you shrugged with a playful smile. "Surprise if you didn't already know! It was unrequited love in the start babe," you reminded her and she pouted. You flashed her an even dreamier smile, "But it worked out in the end," and teased her with a smug wink.

"It did, didn't it?" Natasha smiled and planned to kiss you breathless, to seal the deal of your hearts greatest desires. Then you ruined it.

Well, at least partially... Halting her game.

"I don't actually apologize though, because I couldn't leave that little boy crying beneath the dimmed streetlights of a ruthless city. He clung to me before I even saw him, so I put on my hero cap and helped him to find his mother."

Natasha's dagger eyes twisted into hearts.

"After four blocks of searching I heard her calling for Dylan, the little stinker lifted his head and cried. His mother was on me in an instant and only refrained from punching me when she saw I was an Avenger. If it were me I still would've swung. But she didn't. Only took a photo then thanked me in a rush to fame."

Natasha watched you in amusement as your face revealed your thoughts first, you scoffed humorously at that, it was just peculiar to you because: "If you share that story, all you are saying is 'I'm the mom who lost sight of my toddler in the streets of a devious New York.'"

You went to catch your breath, but the redhead needed you to stop blabbing, so she pulled you into a kiss that took your next to last breath.

Then she had to go and silence you to never have to face the ramifications of the true last breath. It left your lips while she slept in torment, her dreams were always cruel now.

As she took the last sip she sighed, because at this time she'd be escaping the wake up call.

Natasha shed a relieved tear, her dulled eyes closed and the empty bottle in her hand slipped onto the ground and shattered. The birds cried and the trees stood barren. The sun that just rose eventually set. Your lifeless bodies connected like lovers unlike they'd been prior.

That doomed night, the angels and birds sang in a practiced symphony; a whiskey lullaby.

The world lost two more heroes in the aftermath. Everyone mourned, Yelena buried you both beneath the willows, and cried as she yelled at you two for being so selfish. Laura clung to the blonde because now she was down a husband and sisters, by blood and marriage.

Yelena gave into the reality that this was all the family she had left. Losing the same sisters left them bonded now, in a morbidly unfair way.

It was frivolous really, to grieve the loss instead of celebrate the conquered life. They cry out; but to a void, neither of you could hear the mourning; eternally booked and busy.

Too busy rejoicing in your afterlives together.

Natasha got a second chance at loving you.

She'd found you in a field, out of breath from all the racing to get to you, but also because you were glowing brighter than ever before. Wearing a vivacious smile and looking pretty.

Much like when she found you earth-side she crumbed to her knees, sobbing. But this time her tears were a mix of bitter joy. You quickly shushed her though, and pulled her to her feet and right into a deep, meaningful kiss. It was free of sin, but the deviants would get off to it in a porno because they'd feel the authenticity.

The love was palpable and renewed. She cried into your mouth but you continued smiling.

"I'm sorry," Natasha whispered into the warm skin of your neck. Not like blood pumping beneath skin, but more so a sensational bliss. "I ruined our happy ever after moya lyubov'."

"Don't be sorry Natasha," you refuted her while spinning her around by your grip on her hips. Forcing her to see the dreams you shared in front of her. Day flashed to night and you spun her around beneath the light of the moon.

When you finally stopped spinning her she fell into your arms in a graceless way she detested. Her brows furrowed once again but you kissed her lips and devilishly distracted her mind. Pulling away you gasped, then smiled so soft that she finally deemed this moment reality.

You were her angel always, but you were finally free of the cruel restraints of a limited world. Natasha jumped and you caught her, she wrapped her arms around your neck, her legs mirroring them around your waist. You pecked her lips then said: "We lived that life full of regrets, always forgiving, but unable to forget. Let's save the now for absolution, we're free."

"In paradise baby," Natasha cheered and the sun set. Then it rose without conditions, and you lived out your dreams with your lover.

Eternity was kind to you, oh the places your love could've gone if only life had been too.

——

Heartbreaking Angst | Not Even a Happy Life so Why Would the End be Any Different? | Exactly | Just Kidding Babe | The end is for making amends 💕

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x wife!reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha x y/n #natasha x reader #natasha x fem!reader #natasha x you #gxg

[austinstyles]

Could’ve been

Austin x reader

Summary: Austin looks back at what life was like with the reader after she had passed away. Also they were married with a baby boy. Will mostly be form Austin pov and have flash backs form the readers pov. Also they have been in each other’s life since they were both 19 years old. ( he was not with Kaia in this fanfic.) Also this fanfic is set in the present day.

Warning: kiss, dead. Spelling mistakes. And this can get a little sad for some readers. Let me know if I missed anything.

Austin pov

I was laying down in my bed with tears running down my cheeks. Missing my lovey wife of three years y/n. Our baby boy was in his bedroom sleeping. Just two months ago I became a single dad, and I lost the love of my life. Grieving has been hard, she has been here for me since 19 years old. Now I just have me and my other family members that have been supportive during this. But it’s hard to be alone without her. Because before I could call her and text her, now I just can’t talk to her.

We started to date some time after my break up with Vanessa. And the then we got married and had our little baby Christian. Our child is a three year old, and now the family we had of three is a family of two people. My wife passed away two months after Trevor birthday this year.

As I am looking at pictures of me and y/n together I feel my mind started to think back to the day I proposed to y/n.

Flashback

Austin pov

Me and y/n have been together for two years and I know she is the one for me. I can’t see myself not spending the rest of my life with her. Will grow old together and see our children grow up and our future grandchildren grow up. Today I am asking y/n to marry me. I’m hoping she will say yes.

Y/n pov

Today me and my amazing boyfriend of two years are having a nice date night. I can’t wait. I love Austin so much and would be the luckiest person in the whole entire world if we were to be together for as long as possible.

At the time Austin proposed.

Austin pov

When we get to the park where the proposal is going to happen I feel my heart beating so fast. I’m ready to Ask her this important question, and I have been ready since I knew she was the one to make her my wife.

I Get down on one knee in front of the my amazing girlfriend standing.

‘Y/n I have known you were the one for me since I first laid my eyes on you. I have fallen in love with you more and more over time. Your mental for me is what I truly believe with every bone in my entire body. Would you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife?’

Y/n pov

I can’t believe what is happening. My boyfriend is proposing to me, my heart is beating out of my chest with excitement. I feel happy tears running down my cheeks. I know exactly what I want to say and just can’t hold it in anymore.

‘ Yes Austin I will marry you’

Me and Austin then share a magical kiss as an engaged couple. And everything feels like we have all the time in the world together.

End of flashback

Back to the present.

Austin pov

Tears are running down my eyes, I remember the happiness of that day and all the happiness we had together. But I started to remember the sadness of losing her. And how it felt so fast, everything was going good then she gets sick. Next moment she is gone.

I feel myself start to drift back to the exact moment we found out y/n is sick, exactly one year ago.

Flashback to one year ago

Austin pov

Me and y/n are in the doctors office, our son is at my sisters at this moment. We’re getting some results form test y/n have been getting since she is sick. For the past two weeks when she coughs there is blood coming out of her throat. I knew this is very serious, and my mind goes to that she could die.

We get the results and she has stage four lung cancer. And was given just months to live. And was lucky if she can live a year. Y/n and me leave the doctors office and are now sitting in the car. My wife is crying so much and I feel my heart breaking. This isn’t how we thought was going to happen so early in her life. But I have to just try and enjoy the moments I have with her left is what I know. Telling our families will be hard, and knowing your baby boy will loose his mom so young just breaks my heart.

End of flashback.

Back to the present

Austin pov

I feel so lost without her. How do I keep going knowing I won’t see her again for a very long time. But also I am very aware I have to keep going, but this is hard. My heart feels like it’s being ripped apart the moment she was dead in our bedroom. Still to this day it’s hard to sleep in my bedroom with the memory of her death. So I have been sleeping in our guest bedroom for the past two months. I know it has also been hard for my baby boy with grief over losing his mother. I know what that is like, but when I this happened to me I was a 23 year old. Let’s just say that it’s been ups and downs since loosing y/n.

My grieving has been really tough, but I need to grieve. I can’t keep living like I will wake up and she is next to me. But I believe we will see each other again some day. It’s just hard to believe she’s not here. This two months have Ben hard, I did join a support group for widows that are single parents. It’s been good to share with others so that does help.

Y/n would want me and Christian to keep on going, also for our little boy to know his mother loves him and didn’t want to leave him. But now she is his guardian angel and will always protect her child. When she was diagnosed with cancer we told your son she was very sick and had short amount of time. In the future I will definitely explain cancer to him. But we chose not to. That when differently when telling the family, it was hardest for her family defiantly. I even remember the funeral, it was a time to remember all of her life. And we’re thankful for the time we had. Just wish we all had more time with y/n.

I decided it was time to go to bed seeing it was 11:00 pm. And tomorrow I had a busy day, in my sleep I was dreaming of y/n. It all felt so real and I wanted to stay in this dream forever. In this dream we’re the small family of three again, Christian is playing with his mother and I join in the fun there having. It was amazing and so realistic. But my mind knows this isn’t real, I want this to be reality more then anything else in the hole universe.

I have to keep going I know, I tell myself this is what y/n wants me and Little toddler Christian to do. But I will always keep her in my heart. For the rest of my life.

Thanks for reading. Sorry it was a little sad. I appreciate every feedback I get. Also please like and reblog this I appreciate it. And also please request what you want me to write. I hope everyone has a great day take care.

😊👍🏻🩷🌸🖤😃

Grace

#austinstyles #fanfic #fanfiction #austinstyles writing #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fanfiction #austin x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler x reader #austin butler fic #request are open #austin butler #austin butler x fem!reader #austin butler x you #austin butler x y/n

[yaskie]

Fighting for Cancer

All Stickers and emoji sales will be used for Uncle Dindo’s medical debts and balances for his wake and burial, Auntie Sam’s and my ongoing Hormonal and chemo treatment. We also set a targeted amount through our goal for donations. We thank you all, thank you so much for everything. We deeply appreciate all donations and purchases that will be made. To all who have helped me in the past. I am eternally grateful. Please help me share this post, reblog. It will help me a lot. ❤️‍🩹❤️🩷🧡💛 Hello Dear friends, I hope you are all doing well. It’s been a long time since I have made an update about my health and everything that is happening to my life. Life has been so busy.  As you read the title for this campaign. Yes, Fighting for cancer, as some of you know I fought with the same battle several years ago, to my friends who helped me financially and all. My never ending gratitude to all of you. 

I became okay and I chose to deal with financial struggles myself, because I know that I am already giving too much burden to my friends over the course of more than a year. I went back to do regular jobs despite lower grade pays in order to survive, and pay the remaining debt for my medication. Where I live, we are paid daily, not hourly and daily wages are between $12-$15/day. And work 8-12 hours a day. Unfortunately, life does not always end like a fairytale. I am doing this campaign again. Not just for myself but for the other two people that are important to my life. I guess this battle runs into the family. I lost so many family members battling this. I lost my Dad to Stage 4 lung cancer last 2015. And last night(March 25,2024) I lost my Uncle Dindo in the same battle, after several months of intensive treatment. It left us drowning with hospital bills, and debts and it cost us nearly $130,000 and is still running. Uncle Dindo left her wife and two daughters, one who is deaf and mute.  Not only that, my Aunt Sam, is also dealing with her Stage 3 Breast Cancer, and it costs us almost $2,000 - $3,000 a week. Her right breast has already been removed. But she is also under close observation. And she was forced to have her unpaid leave at her job, as she needed rest. This also adds up with the financial struggles that we are dealing with too. We have bad healthcare here in PH. And if you are not rich you will die easily.  As for me. After I survived my battle in the Lungs. Tumors have popped up in other parts of my body, most of them are benign(but closely monitored for changes), if there will be malignant tumors again that will also pop out too. If you will see my previous posts, last year there had been a concern about my breast and a surgery was needed, but I decided not to proceed and I went through herbal medication, as it is the most affordable way. They helped me, but some backfired. And I am so afraid to lose a body part. Unfortunately, I got bad pneumonia on-off, and the pain in my right breast is unbearable, after several tests. I am diagnosed with Stage 1. Doctors have already warned me in the past about this. And I also asked for a second opinion, because last year it was just only a close call. I will currently take hormone medication, and another chemo. I do not want another surgery at the moment, if it can be avoided. I have high hopes that I will survive this. I can still do jobs to pay for home and other bills. And be with you all. 

I decided not just to do this campaign alone, but I also made a Ko-Fi Shop to sell digital stickers. With a collaboration and help from a friend, we currently made 11 printable stickers that you can print on the comfort of your home or print shops with a size of 2x2 inches. You can also use the emoji stickers through your streaming channel, please message me through my Twitter, so I can follow your stream. And for those who printed the physical stickers, it would make us happy if you can tag a photo of them through my twitter. You can put them through notebooks, tumblrs….etc.

Here is the link for our Ko-Fi Store.

Please follow me on twitter or here on Ko-Fi for updates. As we are still working on more Sticker designs. We Can-CerVIVE.

I appreciate all the help that we could get. And thank you so much for understanding. Please take good care of yourselves. Never take your health for granted. Health is wealth. And prevention is better than cure.

Love, Jasky(Your Eternal Sprout)

P.S. To my friends in-game don’t worry you will still see me <3 I love you all! Stay happy and smiling.  These are the digital stickers that we are currently selling.

To all my friends, I badly need your help. Please. Thank you. Sorry for tagging you. Reblog and if you can tag your friends too. Thank you for understanding.

@measurelessdreamer @c1a1r3r3df1e1d @samblerambles @nearlybitches @sunhatllama @leonshinkai @shotce @crazyworldhuh @sparkie96 @silvertonguelover @fossil-finder @vietnoodle @irishspringyum @kevinbuiyin @angelspin @thecloudstan @neji-vuldarak @takuyasaeki1001 @valhethella @artofshiroginko @yuko27 @junie-junette @chris-is-not-evil @wuekka @nelyth-v @ya2do @rebrandedbard @tielmamon @signalboostr @mcqraw @risingoflights @travelling-hydaelyn @thedemonofcat @leonisdumbasallhell @litoperezito @priscilla-a-moreno @waywards-thing @chreonweek @heliosani @residentevilx4 @lemonadeswift @prozdvoices @doomednarrative @neil-gaiman @aussiepineapple1st @matchalilly @highball66 @purpledusty @diviedrawn @residenceevil

#cancer patients #cancer support #go fund me #fundraising #important #health care #public health

[littlethingwithfeathers]

I'm grumpy about Silent Hill again...

TW for discussions of suicide, self harm, abuse (both parent to child and amongst peers) and general spookiness. Y'know... the usual Silent Hill rigmarole of trauma and despair. Also be warned that I'm going to spoil a lot of the Silent Hill series, in particular Silent Hill 2 and the Short Message game that just came out. ***

So... one of my most popular posts out there is this one. It's about Pyramid head and the loss of subtlety in media. And I couldn't help but feel like we hadn't moved an inch from when I posted that back in... *checks date on post* hrrk. my bones... 2017. I'm going to die soon. Anyway. Today I watched Second Wind do a run of the short, free-to-play Silent Hill: Short Message. I admittedly had a good bit of trepidation going in just because of the marketing. Which, for all of you marketing majors out there, that is called "Not a good sign." Marketing should make you want to play a game... especially if you're a fan of the series already. But this... it was a bit of a wet blanket, largely due to the fact that it spoiled a lot of the focus of the game. It basically said "this is a game about how bullying and being chronically online is real bad. We're gonna be spooky about it now." And... straining to push aside how incredibly reductive that is... why give it away? Why say it out loud? Why did you tell us what you are doing? Can you imagine Silent Hill 2 if we'd known it was about James killing his wife from the jump? We didn't. We hadn't the first clue. We knew nothing other than that he was looking for her and she was maybe dead? But we didn't know how... possibly lung cancer or TB given that she had the most pointed coughing sequence since the movie Tombstone. And hey... the last game had someone looking for a loved one too. Maybe that's the deal with Silent Hill. Who knows? No one did at that point. It was still a big old mystery for the most part. And then the E3 trailer... like there's the weird pretty lady in jail? But what's she talking about? Who the fuck is Mary? Is that... his wife? Well then who the hell is Ms. Miniskirt? No wait... is that his wife in the VHS tape? What the hell is going on? Oh look gameplay! And... a little girl? And a weird guy with a gun... This soundtrack slaps. I'm gonna go see if it's up on Napster yet. (this was 2001... again... my bones etc) I remember combing over low-res copies of that video for HOURS when it came out. Why are the nurses different? It's not snowing? Who are all these people... And why do they all sound like they put ketamine in their coffee. It was like a great big puzzle to work out and we had a ball theorizing and researching so when it came out we were HYPE. And that was largely because in short... we knew SOME things at release. Fog. Nurses. Big stick. Weird people. Banger soundtrack. Dead (but probably not) wife. And we presumed or supposed more... cult activity? New beasties? Radio maybe? But we effectively knew nothing about the plot. And the best part was, while they had a solid hook (Find dead lady who we love so huggy buggy much) and instant intrigue (Angela in the cemetery being weirder than a film by David Lynch), and a very familiar setting (we may have improved draw distance on the PS2, but we don't have to use it!), we still didn't really know what was going on. The plot was essentially unfolding out of a black box. Silent Hill 2 was quite content to be a slower burn than trying to boil the Lake Superior with a signal flare. You don't even see the main "villain" Pyramid Head until a few hours in and, as I pointed out in that other post, there's no flashy cut scene to introduce him and go WOOOOOO SCARYYYYY. He's just chillin' behind some prison bars (which that totes is normal in an apartment complex) and staring at you like I stare at the inside of my fridge when I really would like some cheese to materialize.

And then... like we're not even really sure what the hell is going on for the longest time. We meet our wife's hot twin with the key to a strip club and she keeps getting killed over and over... and things keep getting increasingly rapey and lewd in a way that's just uncomfortable more than anything... But even at the end. Even with the big reveal of "You killed your wife." they still don't ever explicitly state "And you killed her because you couldn't have sex with her anymore." It wasn't until you finished the game, and talked to someone else about it, or let your brain cook on it for a bit that you went... heyyyy... he's a horndog! (In fact... if I'm going to chide SH2 for anything it's that right at the very VERY end they tried to frame James's actions as understandable because the woman who was dying and frightened and in pain was mean to him. Yes, being a caretaker is hard. But Christ... pick a topic for discussion.) But contrast all that with Short Message. The marketing and such all said out loud "THIS IS ABOUT BULLYING" so even going in... I was already like "yep. The bully is probably us, but we had reasons because we have to be complicated and you aren't allowed to make the player feel bad" And lo was I correct. There was no... intrigue. I was never curious about the character or the people around her because I knew this story. They already told me what story they were telling so I could practically sing along, especially as a millennial that had to grow up watching little videos and skits in school about the evils of bullying. And when you are going to tell a trope-ish story, and you tell the audience what the trope is, it becomes "say the line" writ large. This isn't me advocating for super twisty unexpected plot arcs (looking at you, Supernatural). Far from it. You absolutely should tell a story in such a way that the audience understands how you got from point A to point Z, even if there are some surprises along the way (See Sixth Sense for that masterclass). Rather, what I'm missing from this (and frankly a lot of the Silent Hill games and honestly... media in general these days) is a sense of restraint. A sense of trust in their audience to "get it." They can't just plonk us in the fog with a radio and a stick and say "You're here to find your best friend/dog/cousin/wife/business partner. Good luck. Here's a weirdo to prattle cryptically at you in order to unsettle you immediately. Bye!" No! They have to tell us what kind of story they're telling and what themes are important. They can't just... give us a Silent Hill Game and trust that we know what to do with it. It's... insulting frankly. Especially as a longtime fan of the franchise who remembers when they did trust us and they did have faith in their work. I will say this in compliment to Short Message. The environment design was pretty cool. Especially the sticky-note hallways... they looked like leaves... and sometimes teeth... and like tightly packed bones in an ossuary. It didn't... say anything really. But it looked cool. And you can't go wrong with Akira Yamaoka's soundtrack. But... while I'm on the subject of design. Y'all. An animate sakura tree in an oversized hoodie is not scary. But bless you for at least having the restraint to not make her Pyramid Head.

#silent hill #silent hill 2 #silent hill 4 #silent hill short message #horror #writing #story telling #suspense #video games #video game design #horror games

[governors-simp]

A comic I did for class

.

Translation (My English is still really rough)

P: LAZLO!

L: I’m up!

*Pascal with a bag of the devils lettuce*

L: That’s not mine, most likely Vidcund’s

V: that’s not mine, I may smoke (cigarettes) but not that (forbidden plant)

L: Hey! You’re the one with the green fingers

V: Surree-

P: SO IT IS YOURS!

L: *under a lot of pressure* Fine it’s mine

V: I’m not suprised

..

P: Calm down Pas

L: Ey, It’s good for my body!

ML: God I didn’t know my brother is stupid

MV: I thought he was a scientist?!

P: NO!

P: 1. If you vape, smoke, or smoke marijuana. It can have a big risk of lung cancer not only to you but to your family

The last thing I need is to take you to the hospital.

..

2. If you drink too much alcohol, when you’re with friends you drink far too much.

V: I like your wife

Lo: Me too.

P: You guys can also get in fights , not only that but get liver damage.

3: You don’t want to die? You should do exercise you can; run, meditate, lift weights, etc.

..

P: This is basic knowledge

**TV show in background**

P: YOU GUYS WEREN’T LISTENING!?

L: Nope

V: I did

**Vidcund giving Lazlo Popcorn**

L: Thanks Vidcund

V: No problem

V: …

V: He’s just a kid

#vidcund curious #pascal curious #lazlo curious #tycho curious #sims 2 #mini comic

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for wanting to make sure my family has enough money in the case of my death?

i (50m) recently was diagnosed with lung cancer. this was, as you can imagine, devastating. i began to feel as though i’d wasted my life and my potential teaching chemistry to bored high schoolers

i hid my diagnosis from my family and began to think of what they would do once i passed away. my wife (38f) is pregnant with our second child, our son (15m) is physically disabled, and i am the sole breadwinner of this family. when i die i fear that they will be left defenseless

shortly after my diagnosis, i came into contact with a former student of mine (24m) and learned of a way to put my chemistry skills to use and make a hefty amount of money. there is no easy way to say this, but i became a meth cook

my life spiraled from there as i tried to balance being the man my family could rely on and being a criminal. as i gained more and more notoriety, things only got more and more dangerous, and i now fear for my family’s safety

to make matters worse, my wife has become incredibly suspicious of my activities and keeps on asking questions. it’s really annoying and inconvenient honestly, especially because i have to keep on coming up with ridiculous lies in order, at one point faking a fugue state and stripping naked in a grocery store

i’m just a loving family man selling meth to support his family, why can’t my annoying family understand that?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #drug mention

[hikari-ni-naritai]

hm. oc L's

hikari - hikari's whole life is Ls. even when she wins shes taking an L. shes getting better but whew.

aoi - no Ls. boring basic ass bitch. stable. theres nothing wrong with her and she has no mental illnesses.

lia - modern lia took a huge L when her arrogance trapped her in a universe without magic and now she's spent 500 years in a paranoid state too afraid to move on until she knows she can get out of that kind of hellish world by her own power. original baby lia probably took Ls all the time bc shes the type to go up and stand in a dragon's breath attack to see if its arcane or divine or world magic, or some shit.

nest - nest also is constantly taking Ls. depending on the definition you could say her abusive shitty parents are an L. i put nest in my current dnd game and their entire role is basically getting the shit beat out of them by lamias . they actively chose to live in Fighting Lamias World like they ran away from home to live there knowing what it was like.

violet - violet took a huge L by completely failing her job and disappointing god and losing their favour. oops!

valyrie - does your parents dying in a fire count as an L? or getting kinda forced into being a church assassin? beyond that i dont really know what valyrie gets up to. shes taking an L when she dies of lung cancer. she takes an L any time she tries to flirt with . okay actually who am i kidding lesbians would be way into her unhealthy pallor and towering anorexic form.

dr marion - took a huge L losing her medical license by accidentally killing a guy with magic while trying to heal him. takes an L every time she flirts with rin who hates her.

cassidy - her wife died and now shes a depressed drunk deadbeat girldad going adventuring to """find herself""". plus she's the least accomplished out of her entire massive family. many Ls every time she meets any of them.

adela - literally made of Ls. killed by ancient heroes trying to save the world. resurrected by a god of peace and given a handler to keep her in line. will be smited by the light of god if she even comes close to doing Evil that's not expressly permitted by god. has big plans to escape that will never come to pass. dumbass awful woman who i hate and i love her so much

elyria - has elyria ever taken an L? no i dont think so. she is a fanatical follower of a god who hates her, but i dont think that bothers her. she flirts with nuns (and dresses like one for fun) but despite striking out every time its more the thrill of the chase that shes after. yes she inevitably gets killed because shes a blight on the universe but its fine! she would take it as a great honour to die in "service" to god.

#ocposting

[constantineshots]

so, me being me and having to read everything and watch everything the man is in, just so i can form my own opinions on it, i went and watched seasons four through six of dc's legends of tomorrow. i saw the first season and some of the second when it was initially airing, but no john in that, so.

i don't think i could ever imagine someone other than matt ryan portraying john, and i think that's? pretty unanimous across the community. i don't think i've seen anyone be like "he's TERRIBLE for john constantine". i watched constantine when it was originally airing ( when i was just a little thirteen year old </3 i blame him for the way i turned out ), which took me down this rabbit hole, but this post is about legends, so here goes.

i think one of the things i didn't like was that john was on a team to begin with. once i got past that, i enjoyed a lot of the characters- like sara lance, who i loved to begin with from arrow and stuff, nate heywood, who just seems to be the guy everyone likes and this general force of positive, "roll with it" kind of energy that i liked and how he took things with stride but this isn't about him, charlie who is a punk rock fate with the coolest outfits and a mostly strong will and incredible defiance and when she left i was kicking and screaming but at least she is happy, and zari 1.0 who became my wife from the moment she started speaking which is partially probably the reason why i really did not like zari 2.0.

anyways, i really like the references to hellblazer, whether they were slim or not. for example, they mentioned the whole "killer" thing from his father. which brings me to the scene that made me like. cry a lot. genuine tears in my eyes. where john is at a bar, and his mother is on the other side of the counter and he went there just to see her. granted, he gets kicked out for trying to kick his dad so hard in the balls that he never has kids, but paradox, as zari so loveily explains ( sorry i am in love with her. it shattered my heart when she almost got married. nate's on thin ice, he's lucky i like him ). BUT THEN MY WIFE GOES AND GIVES HIM A PHOTO OF JOHN AND HIS MOM LOOKING HAPPY TOGETHER. what a lovely woman.

this post is meant to be about john, so forgive my tangents on zari, love of my life.

ANYWAY. there was this. i also particularly enjoyed john's insistence on wearing his own little outfit ( trenchcoat. tie. you know, his usual ) around all the time, throughout time periods, because he's a bit of a weirdo. either he has twenty of the same outfit or he doesn't shower. i am choosing the former. but they do have this moment that i found kind of heartwarming, where he puts on the camp counselor uniform for "the kids" he claims, but then literally within the first twenty minutes of the episode, he's back in his old attire and running around bullying people and hypnotizing children. seems to me he reverted back to his bullying kids self. then he gave his life force to save a kid, and almost died in the process. which he says something like "i'm not letting another kid die" as a reference to astra. i liked this, but seeing john in a camp counselor uniform made me go "whaaaaat".

when ray ended up in hell and john went to go get him, he comes to a choice of saving astra or ray and immediately, without hesitation, he chose astra. this decision doesn't seem to affect ray much later on though, and i am honestly not sure if he remembers it even though it showed both his spirit and young astra's, though it could have easily been some sort of illusion or whatever. honestly, i think he'd do it again. and i liked that there was this little anticipation where everyone is like "oh, he wouldn't, right? he wouldn't leave ray here." yes he would. and he did. even if it was only temporary.

there are references to his lung cancer, but in hellblazer, the man not only smokes after he's cured of his lung cancer through absolute deceit and gets revenge on gabriel afterwards, but he smokes during it, if i recall correctly. nothing could get that man to give up a cigarette. hell, there was a point in hellblazer where he was literally only going to save the world because there was going to be a lack of cigarette shipments if he didn't ( then, you know, everyone showed up and that changed ). which is why i think, even though it'd be great if this idiot stopped smoking, it was weird to have him stop smoking as a result and to have fucking zari 2.0 ( hm. i still really do not like her. i do not think i will be persuaded to like her. ) get him on a juice cleanse. you're going to sit there and tell me he was attracted to this girl who is a social media influencer BUT HE WASN'T ATTRACTED TO THE FIRST ZARI? fake. on his part. i just didn't see their relationship. i didn't like it. but then again, i don't really agree with most john ships. regardless. this one i really did not like.

then the ending of season six, i think they just wanted a way to get him off the show. i know he lost his magic, but the addiction, the fact he went cold turkey, then got? what? taken over by his "evil" subconcious and went and betrayed the legends, even though he's supposed to love zari 2.0 soooo much? yeah, no. i mean, john does do what benefits him, but i don't think he would have so readily injected something into his veins from a guy he knew was not a good guy and would definitely do something to get him out of commission without some sort of backup plan to save himself and scam the other guy, because that's what he does. show me his reputation, because this isn't all it is, heartless betrayals after confessing his love to some random social media influencer. then he became a mushroom, then he died, then he came back, then he ran off and? didn't even go back to his own time? so i don't really know what happened to him or where he ran off to. i am quite honestly so fucking confused about his send off.

anyways, if you don't focus on characterization too much, it's an enjoyable show, and while it's fun, it's really fucking confusing and i'm still not sure i'm quite understanding the plot in it's entirely because honestly that show felt like i was smoking something without actually smoking it. if that makes any sense to anyone.

#john constantine #dc's legends of tomorrow #ZARI <3 #zari 2.0. #sorry idk how else to differentiate the zaris #sara lance #nate heywood #charlie #idk man its long but ngl i was so fucking confused 90% of this show #it's fun! just confusing #no it wasn't confusing because i didn't watch season 3 #it was confusing in general

[biscuitblinkeu]

She Wears Her Words Like Armour [3]

Park Chaeyoung x Fem!reader

Word count: 2752

………………………………………………………………………………

Jennie blinked.

Her best friend for the first time in a while— looked scared, and in this, making Jennie worried. Roseanne was always composed, not a fidgeting mess. She always had her shit together. But there was one time she didn’t.

“What do you mean? Are you sick? Don’t tell me you have lung cancer! Rosie, I told you to stop smoking years ago, did you start again?” Jennie’s speech got quicker with each word.

“No.”

“No? No to which of the things I said? You're not giving me a lot to work with here.” Jennie ran a hand through her hair. The possibility Roseanne could be smoking again scared Jennie. Roseanne wasn’t herself at the time she was smoking, she doesn’t want that to happen again.

Roseanne frowned at her cat-eyed friend. “I don’t…I don’t smoke anymore.” She promised her friends she wouldn’t. “But I might be sick? My heart rate is alarming.” She admitted quietly, her voice small.

“So you don’t have lung cancer?”

“Jennie,” Roseanne started exasperated, “for Jisoo’s sake—” Jennie held up her hands defensively, cutting her off.

“Okay, okay. Just making sure. You can’t die on me, who else will listen to me talk about my wife like she hung the stars in the sky or go clubbing with me?” Roseanne rolled her eyes.

“Are you sure you're not stressed out? Maybe you need to go to the gym? You could be tired from walking up the steps.”

“I workout regularly, and I don’t believe I am.”

“I don’t think I can help you then…you got any ideas?” A moment of silence had fallen on the two before Roseanne answered.

“My plaintiff, she’s very…”

“(Y/ln)?” Jennie gasped at the possibility that her friend's heart could possibly be fluttering over you. Roseanne then felt deep regret for coming to Jennie for anything. She watched the cogs turn in Jennie’s brain, hoping she could diffuse anything that’ll come out of her mouth before the word train starts.

“Jennie…”

“Rosie! Do you like her? You know you just met, she’s just getting a divorce too and not to mention—”

“No I don’t.” She doesn’t like wildcards.

“She has a child! But this could be one of those office romance shows, might get down and dirty in the office,” Jennie wiggled her brows, “Oh my gosh! We can finally set you up with someone, I have to tell Jisoo—”

“Do not tell her anything.” Jisoo was most insistent on getting Roseanne with someone. She’s tired of the countless blind dates she comes up with. They never end well and you’d think she’d give up but no.

“And when was the last time you got—” , “I’ll get up and leave right now.”

“No! I swear I’m done.”

“You know, everything you just said is very unprofessional and inappropriate. I don’t have time for romance, romance doesn’t have time for me. I do not like (Y/n). She’s a ball of energy I don’t feel like dealing with.”

“So uptight, I might have to ask Jisoo to lay you off the job for a couple weeks— I’m joking. But how else would you explain your issue.”

“I’m merely…attracted to her.” She says this to shut her cat-eyed friend up, but she had eyes and could see with them. You were attractive, very. But will she pursue this? No. After all, it’s too early to tell, she’s still trying to find out if your personality is attractive too.

“You? Attracted to someone? Hah! That’s new, but good, it's a good thing. I refuse to see you single your whole life. So I’ll grab this information with an iron grip, and call it operation get you la—”

“Lalalalalala, bye Jennie.” Roseanne covered her ears, and simply got up and left, leaving Jennie giggling in her seat. Her friend was cold, as others say; she doesn’t think so. Roseanne’s different when you get to know her under the facade, you’d never believe she was a bit childish, like her show just now.

Jennie sighed before opening messages on her phone, and clicked on the group chat with Jisoo, Lisa, and Nayeon. What a talk they were about to have.

…

You’ve met with Roseanne four times till now, so about a month. The fourth time you met(a week ago) it was decided you’d do parenting sessions early, like she recommended. You hoped it would help you help Nala with the divorce. You’d do anything you could to make sure Nala felt like she still had both parents, even if they weren’t living together.

Roseanne was still…her. Cold, very professional. Anytime you attempted to joke around it was either shut down or that she didn’t understand it. You wondered what she did for fun, maybe watch paint dry. You came to the conclusion she had a staring problem and noticed she had lots of habits; you don’t know if they're considered good or bad though.

The attorney tends to bite her nail or stare distantly when in thought, more times than not she has something to snack on or a piece of candy in her mouth. You thought about asking her to share, to let you have one when Jennie had come in asking for a bag of chips— Roseanne looked highly offended, like the mere thought of sharing her food was beyond her.

When she wants to know something and her curiosity gets the best of her she taps at something— any surface, before bluntly asking her question. It could be inappropriate or just a stupid question, she’ll ask, not caring about how you might react. Then, she excuses herself and apologizes for her slip up. (You think it’s adorable.)

You are walking into CAD, the Children After Divorce building Chichu law firm recommended you. You came alone because Jaylyn was busy today, he’d come with you next time. It’s a small brick and mortar building, the windows big and wide, allowing a lot of light in. Upon walking in, the receptionist immediately stands up, a warm smile on her face.

“Good evening, how may I help you?” Her cheery attitude made your shoulders relax a little.

“Hello, I’m here for the parenting classes?” She takes a moment to think. “Oh! Right this way, Miss. I will get a representative for you.”

She led you past a couple offices and to an open door. “This is the room, just take an open seat at that table where everyone else is sitting. It won’t be long till they start.” She informs you.

“Is that her?” The short bunny-toothed woman whispered, watching as you conversed with the receptionist just outside the doorway.

“I think so.” The woman with bangs replied. Jennie had given the two a half assed description of you.

“Thank you.” You said and the kind receptionist left, leaving you with your nerves. You took a deep breath before walking in, wondering why you were so antsy in the first place. You told yourself everyone in here would be the same to calm yourself down.

The room looked like one of those child recreation rooms, or similar to a daycares waiting room. A rectangular oak table sat in the middle of the room, and not far from that there was a platform where a group of people stood. There was a projector screen and you guessed they would give you a presentation.

Everyone watched as you walked in. You were stunning. Your hair was pulled back neatly in a clip, a couple strands left out to frame your face. You wore a white puffer coat, a black skirt and thigh high socks with UGGs. Your eyes, expressively glanced around the room for an available seat and you sat down when you found one, greeting the man that sat next to you. Apparently they weren't the only ones who thought you were gorgeous; every man in the room sat a little straighter, and a couple of the women smoothed down their clothes or hair, staring at you with wonder. The tall woman stifled a smile, she could see why Roseanne was having a field day with you.

One of the standing women stepped on the platform before clapping to gain everyone’s attention. “Hello, parents! I’m Lalisa, call me Lisa or that, doesn’t matter.” She placed a hand on the shoulder of the woman next to her. “This is Nayeon, she’s a social worker. She has lots of experience with children so she’s the one to ask questions too regarding kids.”

Nayeon smiled politely and waved. Lisa continued. “Next is Koda, Mark, Sana…” She pretty much introduced the others.

After that, Naeyeon proceeded to pass out folders of materials. Papers about government policies and the content that will be covered in each class. The presentation talked about how the divorce impacts children and parents emotionally, and changes in a parent-child relationship. It was about an hour long.

At the end you were pulled aside by Lisa and the bunny-toothed woman for a quick chat. You learned that Lisa was married to the Jennie Kim you had met a month ago.

Later that week you had to meet up with Roseanne for your weekly meeting, to give her updates and such. You chose to see each other at the café instead of her office this time.

Now you sat in at a two person table, scrolling on twitter on your phone while you waited. You ordered yourself hot chocolate this time, wanting to change things up. Ten minutes later a shadow appeared by your feet. A bag plopping down on the floor not long after.

You looked up from your phone just as Roseanne pulled her chair out. “Hello.” She greeted simply.

“Hey. I hope you don’t mind, but I bought you a drink.” Roseanne did her signature curt nod and took the seat across from you, she glanced at the steaming cup labeled black coffee before looking at you again. “I didn’t know what you liked so I just asked the barista.” You said sheepishly.

She loved black coffee.

“Thank you.” She was in need of something to warm and wake her up. She planned to pay you back later. She doesn’t fancy being in someone’s debt. She learned that nothing good ever comes out of it.

“She also gave me a lot of sugar packets to give you.” You slid them over to her perplexed. Usually one who orders black coffee— which has a bitter and strong roast flavor— wouldn’t use sugar because they prefer the taste. Roseanne hummed, ripping a packet open and emptying its contents in her coffee.

You watched, quite horrified, as she put packet after packet into her coffee. She didn’t stop till all six packets were ripped open and emptied; the packets were small, but still…

Feeling eyes on her she met your gaze, your lips were slightly parted. Your gaze held a hint of judgment and a lot of shock. She stirred her coffee using the tiny straw before regarding you. “You’re staring. Why?”

You gestured to the six sugar packet wrappers, “Doesn’t that ruin the whole point of black coffee?” You weren’t a coffee fanatic or gatekeeper, just inquisitive. Your question didn’t bother Roseanne because you’re not the first person to ask that.

“I suppose, for others it does. But I like mine bittersweet.” You felt like her words had a hidden innuendo to it but didn’t pry,

“Oh okay. Well, who am I to judge your preferences.” You shook your head with a quiet laugh. A couple moments of silence passed with you just looking out the windows watching the snowfall and finishing your drink.

Roseanne took another sip from her coffee and pulled out her notebook. “How were the parenting sessions?”

“Better than I thought they would go. But they felt like I was in school all over again. The instructor, I think her name was Lisa? She’s fun, turns out she’s married to Jennie— you probably knew that though.” She confirmed with a nod.

“I can see why they’d help parents divorcing with a kid. I think I’ll try out some things I learned with Nala.”

“I’m curious. Your daughter, what made you pick the name Nala? It reminds me of…”

“The Lion King?” You helped.

“Yes, that’s it.”

“I happened to be watching the movie on the hospital TV screen while we were picking a name for her and that came into mind.”

“That’s a pretty name.” Roseanne commented, playing with her pen. You smiled, you thought so too.

“When do you plan on telling her?” Back to business.

“I honestly don’t know… I’ll have to sit down with her and Jaylyn and gently break the news to her.”

“All at once? I’d ease her into it, have her spend time with you and your spouse separately. Get her used to not being in one household; in her own room.”

“You seem to know a fair bit about this, about children going through divorce.” You said.

“What can I say? I like children, believe it or not. That’s why this is my job. I want to help children and parents go about life as if nothing has changed or I hope to make the process easier on them. I… I was a child stuck in between my parents divorce. It was horrible. It changed me and I really wish I wasn’t affected by it, but I am.”

This is the first time, you could say, she’s opening up to you. And you felt honored.

Roseanne rarely spoke at all about herself, her past— to anyone. But you listened with such genuine interest, such a kind expression, that the words just came out. Roseanne accounted for the conflict in her mind; one telling her it was okay, just this once to be open and get some shit off her chest, the other to get the hell up and run. At this her anxiety kicked up a notch, and she pressed her sweaty palm onto her thighs. You were looking at her with those compassionate eyes, and she swallowed.

You make her want to stay.

…

Roseanne sat at a bar table surrounded by her friends. Across from her, Jisoo sat next to her boyfriend Hae-in (the only man Roseanne would associate with), and next to them Nayeon. Roseanne sat in between Jennie and Lisa.

They’ve been here for a while and the talking topic quickly shifted from other things to Roseanne’s dating life. They all got word— courtesy of Jennie— that she’s interested in someone.

“I date.” She lied, pretending to read the brochures in the rack beside her.

Jennie snorted. “No you don’t. You occasionally scratch your itch with a one-nighter, you haven’t had a girlfriend in forever.”

“You know I don’t do relationships. Like you said, too much drama.” Roseanne took a sip of her wine, avoiding Jennie’s eyes. Avoiding all their eyes. Her friend group was a bunch of instigators.

“Yeah, that applies to me, but you? You could use a little drama in your workaholic attorney life, you know, shake things up a bit.” Jennie shook a scolding fork with a half eaten dumpling at Roseanne.

Jennie was trying to bait her. The only thing that stopped her from saying something then was Lisa sitting right there with a knowing smirk. Roseanne finished her wine and pushed it away from her and stood up abruptly. “Enough.” Her voice was low, causing everyone to backpedal. “I’ve had enough of this conversation. If I choose to make a move on (Y/n), it's none of your business unless I want to tell you,” she pulled out her wallet and slapped a couple banknotes on the table; enough to cover everyone’s bill, “okay?” She said softer this time, watching everyone nod their heads. She knew her friends wanted to see her happy, but she was scared. Roseanne turned around and walked out of the restaurant.

Lisa sighed and leaned back in her chair. “Well, that went well.”

(I’m sure you're curious: Why is Roseanne so against relationships?)

Roseanne fucks up everything good that ever happens to her in relationships. She has issues that her past lovers had turned blind eyes to, things that shouldn’t be ignored. She believes she can't trust or love anyone, she can’t even love herself. She breaks hearts in the worst ways possible, driving her partners insane. She’s hard to love.

So, if being single her whole life, having one night stands and occasional flings protects herself, she’ll do it.

Would you like to continue? _(:3 」∠)_

#blackpink #fem reader #biscuitblinkeu #blackpink x reader #chaeyoung x femreader #rosé x reader #park chaeyoung x reader #rosé x fem!reader #Unlawful.Biscuit

[spiderh0rse]

freeman's mind notes part 4 e16-20

e16

a vip (self declared)

thinks they should let the aliens eat explosives

the tentacle in the rocket silo is the scariest thing he's ever seen

incorrect Nietzsche quote (deeper sleep fans rise up)

drummers = monsters

thinks Nietzsche could have been in a band once

whistling FOUR. Five????

hang glider fan

rnd would get a big bonus at some point if the military state becomes the reality

finds the zombies worse than online degrees

whistling FIVE. likes Mario.

whistling SIX also Mario, different song

"future wife" duuuude I don't think youre getting a wife

the sewers are not buries treasure location

his ideal mansion will involve visitors being shot as soon as they knock

star wars reference Again

woodshop in high school almost ended in his expulsion

would eat the aliens

e17

has considered spitting on giant machines twice now

wind knocked out of him by the fan to ceiling impact

wasn't expecting to fly today

respects deaths in rocket testing

sad when oxygen isn't oxycodone

likes pushing buttons

wants to level a lawsuit against black mesa

wants to vacation somewhere tropical

wants to ride a sea turtle to menace cruise ships

would name his sea turtle a "nice gender-neutral name" like Flippy or Whiskers

doesn't consider most reptiles dangerous

has always wanted a robot army. the robot coolness strikes again

not good at parkour

grappling hook mentioned Again. he wants one! or a harpoon!

compares himself to a monkey and hates on earth gravity in the same breath

purportedly Not an adrenaline junkie

shaking after crossing the Blast Pit grating jumps.

vaguely implies he's going crazy

I'M BACK IN THE GODDAMN BUILDING AGAIN

SNOT MONSTER moans are what he'll be thinking about tonight

ordering a grappling hook once he's out

e18

would jump extreme heights into water for big splash

fairy-agnostic

He's sun wukong? A monkey god?

simian skills o7

half life mention title drop woooo

"nyyyyeeeeeewww" :D

whistle count SEVEN

admits that stuff here (falling mostly) is scary

"life sucks sober" YOU HAD. TWO SHOTS OF VODKA ON AN EMPTY STOMACH THIS MORNING. admittedly not a ton i retract my objection he's probably got a high tolerance

sometimes goes down the wrong corridor

cuts off a thought to yell "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D"

wants a giant metal spider fortress

the dial....

stresses to a dial that he has a DOCTOR'S DEGREE

e19

compares black mesa to a giant beast

would LOVE a massive tomb. pyramid for him please

"it's me" sick FNAF refe

WHAT ARE THESE NOISES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

pain is a constant yes

doesn't consider himself afraid of heights

actually yeah tentacle sounds (loud metal noises) being unpleasant is a consistent trait here. Loud noises bad. (This, beeping of eye scanners, gunshot in the vent)

reel to reel computers..... PUNCH CARDS

BURN BABY BURN

e20

first title card leadup! techno hell room

bad smelllllllll

has made hella strong pillow forts with plaster of paris. pissed his mother off doing so

worn condition grenades are probably not as safe as you hope

he sounds so excited at the idea of going somewhere possibly not terrible

admits if a giant monster that the rocket didn't kill looked all angry at him he'd curl up and cry

bad smell TWO

References his cannonball drop statement from earlier

cons: starving to death alone, pros: could be fun. He does it. Sir. I know he's not okay by now but DUDE PLEASE. STOP WILLINGLY CURLING UP TO DIE

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

shit lung capacity. I've swam further without breathing in more time and been okay. Lllllll

concerned at the green sludge river

cancer mentioned third time

mmmmm radiation,,,,,

liked Austria

turnwheel Used

used to pass people in tube slides as a kid. Would sometimes get wedged in

"nyeeeew"

knees starting to hold up a bit better

#freeman's mind #gordon freemind #mindverse #rmanotes

[br1ghtestlight]

WAIT LMAOOO i had a stressful ass dream last night where i learned that my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and she needed to do chemotherapy and radiation but We all knew she wasnt gonna do any fuckign chemotherapy or radiation bcuz she's late for everything and doesnt give a fuck about her own life

and my dad was telling me about this and ALSO how he's in his 60s or whatever now and he's unhealthy too and he had like another disease that was probably gonna kill him if he didnt end up murdered in prison. anyway my mom was gonna die in like...... 6 months and my dad is already an older parent so he had maybe 5-10 years left and i was supposed to tell my sister our mom was dying she was like ^_^

and i just ended up ACTING OUT at her bcuz i was so pissed that in a few years i wasnt going to have any parents left and she gets her dad and his stupid ass young family and wife in the suburbs and their happy lives and her kids will have grandparents while mine never will and i was like fully sobbing. What was that about. was my subconcious telling me my parents are like about to die???

#i have ALWAYS been stressed about my mom dying of cancer bcuz she is a deeply unhealthy woman for many reasons like. Visibly unwell #she hasnt been diagnosed with anything not that shes going to a doctor #my dad is an older parent i dont know how old he is now maybe uhh he's almost 60. that cant be right #ANYWAY a stress dream based on some real anxiety but i have never had a dream like that before it was an awful time #bcuz i knew there was nothing i could do. and what's worse my dad was THERE being the normal parent as if he has ever fucking been #anything resembling a normal responsible parent #just a really awful vibe for a dream lmao #txt

[thefragmentsineed]

ikebana, arrangement of a crushed flower

All I do is work and get yelled at.

My life revolves around pleasing people who

Don’t even know my favorite color.

I am not me anymore, I am not me anymore.

Do you know my favorite color?

Do you know my favorite flower?

You give me the ugliest flowers

And say make a bouquet, make a bouquet.

The flowers are ugly.

They are the orange daises.

I hate the color orange.

I despise the flower daises.

You don’t care, you just want to make amends.

Yet I don’t have the heart to forgive you.

Or squeeze your palm encouragingly in my hands.

I’ve come to hate you, I wish your death with every breath

I take

The daises.

“Thank you! They’re lovely.”

I am not your punching bag, stop hitting me.

I am not your wife, stop punishing me for the things

I cannot control, what she made do which angered you

Anger me, don’t force me into anything you are not my deity.

You are a senile old man, lungs, like rotten fruit, overripe for the picking.

I pray you die in your sleep, I pray cancer blooms and you’re

Gasping out sickly, gripping my hands

On your deathbed, in the hospital, so I can wretch myself, walk away, whistling a tune

What is my favorite color? What is my favorite color?

I remember the father who pumped air into my bike, cracking jokes in the hot summer air.

Who slow danced with me while Billy Joel played in the cool Californian night.

I remember the man who threw me into the ground

Garden bed, in the bugs they bit my pale, shaking legs.

Trying to fix the broken corn stalk.

My hands shake with the twine

I tie a string and hope for the best, not enough in your eyes.

Foolish little girl, to trust a man who created you.

His cold eyes and his bushy, furrowed brows and the

Smoke that surrounds him.

You cough when you are near him, I hate tobacco.

Cough, cough, cough, I hate tobacco

I hate you, you’re as black as the tobacco which

Dirties the muscle in your old, dying lungs.

I hope you take your last breath, soon enough

It’s wrong for me to want

The death of another

But you have broken me, I used to love you

This anger was once pure devotion, that is true.

I used to doze off in your arms

On a warm, Sunday morning

Now I flinch when I see those palms of pain

As you battered your fist into me.

I felt the prickliness of your unshaved stubble as you peppered me with kisses.

I also felt the sting of when you spat into my face.

Yelling at the top of your lungs because I looked at you “wrong”

“You came from my balls and now I want you gone” 

I am so disgusting

The way I was made

With terrible, vulgar clashing of bodies

Who did not feel closely innate

To each other

I don’t know what love is.

I’ve never seen my father even

Hug my mother, let alone kiss.

Born as the cursed sex

I am treated lesser

If I was born a man

My cards would be better

Daddy, why do you hate me? You walked away when I couldn’t play chess with you. You told me you’d only play with me once I learned the basics. So I tried, Daddy, to learn it all, for you. I went to a boy you wouldn’t approve of and asked him to teach me. It didn’t work, I guess I’m just dumb. I play chess alone while you chug down the bottle of rum in the backyard, listening to church tunes. Daddy, you’re a bad Christian. You need to start praying in the night. You say the end is near, and I think so too. It wouldn’t be so bad if I died here with you. If Armageddon comes, let us be sleeping. When the angels descend, I hope they start listing all the bad things you did to me, Daddy, and how I became bad too. Like a lullaby, they’ll bring up the garden bed. Like a lullaby, locusts will scream out of your lungs, escaping from your mouth as you vomit a colony of insects. Daddy, you’re just a bug. Cockroach, that’s what you are. If so, what am I? All because of you, I am an extension of the bad fruit. Daddy, where were you when I needed your light? It was so dark. Daddy, I’m scared–my body is changing. You don’t want to hug me anymore, the curves jut out from me. I feel like a monster, all hairy and ugly. When I walk into the living room, you run for the hills and slam the door behind you. I never liked the oppression of a hug, but I wish you taught me that love wasn’t bad. I wish you weren’t bad. I’m disgusting, Daddy. That’s how you made me feel. I felt abandoned when you chose beer over my violin recitals. Daddy, you stopped caring when you heard my breasts were growing. Did I do something wrong? I don’t know how to be better. I’ve never been taught how to say sorry. I just stand and take everything you give me. Nailed on a cross, I ask the Heavenly One to forgive me. I’m sorry you created me. You don’t deserve to be tied down by a wife and child who don’t really love you, but could’ve, but could’ve. Daddy, why do you hate me? You’re making me hate you.

#daddyissues? #poem #poetry #writing #rambling #yap session #vent

[theglue17]

The Outsiders - Fan-Made Epilogue

There are two of us. A man and a woman.

Cherry and Pony.

Sherri and Ponyboy.

We are marked with scars - no, not scars. They are bruises. Though the old wounds of a lifetime of horseplay and recklessness have long faded, we still carry the bruises in our hearts.

Bob - an enemy to me, a lover to her. Caught up in the heat of battle, lost to the pain.

Dallas - desperate, broken, unable to take any more. He didn’t have to die; he chose to. But why? Why remove yourself from a life so many need back, like -

Johnny - the lost puppy. Was it really worth it, Johnnycake? Saving the kids, was it worth your life? It wasn’t for me. I needed you - we all did.

When night comes and the stars begin to shine, I can’t help but think of us, lying in the parking lot that night, so innocent and unsuspecting. Even in the darkest time, you found the light - heck, even when you were on the brink of death, you made mme see that there was still good in the world.

These are bruises. Old, yellowed ones that are a part of me. From day to day, they don’t hurt. But thinking of our fallen friends - like pressing on a bruise - it feels raw; tender. A part of me that I want to hide away and never confront.

Though I have grown old, I still remember. Cherry, my wife of 67 year, remembers

Though we are happily married, I know that deep down, some young, nostalgic part of her is still a little bit in love with the handsome, wild boy with the rings.

Now and then, I think about what it would be like if my buddies were alive now. I can imagine it perfectly - Dally’s tuff blond hair turned white like mine; Johnny’s fearful brown eyes crinkled at the corners from a lifetime of laughter. Or maybe all of them dead from lung cancer - Johnny smoked fags like there was no tomorrow.

I have been through a lifetime of pain - lost two friends, my parents and of course Bob.

I was young and daring. I could have gone the way of drugs, alcohol, and crime. It would have been so easy to wash away my pain… but I wouldn’t let myself.

Though I am no longer young, I believe that I still hold that ‘gold’ that Johnny was talking about. Perhaps not in the same way as before, now that I am old and broken-down, my mind slower than ever. But I managed to find good in the world, like Johnny - even when it seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Because really, life goes on. Things happen that we have no control over, and the world just keeps on spinning. There are things worth living for, you just have to see it.

And maybe, one evening, just look up at the sunset. It seems to hold an infinity of answers, and represent all the beauty and the goodness in the world. 

The memories still hurt, but not in the same way as before…

#the outsiders #fanfiction #epilogue #s e hinton #outsiders #the outsiders epilogue

[bearsinpotatosacks]

In A Room Void of Colour - Whumptober2023

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

In another universe, Nick Bradshaw didn't die during Hop 31. This doesn't automatically mean that Carole lives too.

For day 16 of @whumptober . Also on AO3

Words: 734

Nick had spent enough time in hospitals now to be sick of them. He hated the smell. The fact that there wasn't one, it was the absence of it that he hated. The absence of everything, smells, comfort, home. Life. It sapped everything away. It was why he’d wanted Carole to die at home. Comfortable, in her own clothes, her blanket on her body, their garden outside and their life they'd built together. Not here. In a room void of colour and joy. 

Not that there would be much joy if they were at home.

"Nick," she whispered from the hospital bed. "Nicky, I'm cold."

Bradley shifted up on the other side of the bed. He hadn’t slept well at all recently. They were both glad it was the summer though, he didn’t have to sit through classes, and Nick didn't have to argue with teachers about why he wasn't going to be in school. 

"Here honey, have my jacket,"

He shrugged off the big jumper he was wearing and laid it on her lithe frame. She already had the hospital sheet and a blanket. She'd lost so much weight these last few months, she almost didn't look like herself. Her hair all gone, skin yellow, jaundiced from where the cancer had spread to her liver. He hated it, hated it all.

She grabbed his hand and gestured for Bradley to come closer. "I love you, both of you."

His heart almost stopped beating. This was the end, wasn't it? He wasn't ready. He didn’t want to say goodbye to her yet. He wasn’t ready for his wife to die. 

"You've got to look after each other, you hear?" She said, tears began to run down her face, gaunt from sickness. "I'll be there, watching down on you, looking after you all I can but you two have got to do that too."

Bradley nodded. Tears made his face shine as he held her hand against his cheek. Nick held it like a lifeline, as if him holding it would keep her alive. If he could just perform a miracle then everything would be okay.

"I love you so much, honey, more than anything, okay?" She said to Goose. 

"I love you to the moon and back," he managed to say, his throat was clogged up from crying.

She then turned to Bradley, "And you, you'll always be my baby boy."

He nodded. There was too much emotion for him to reply. He was sobbing into her hand. They’d all kept this moment as a far off thing, something they would happen. Now it was here and none of them knew what to say.

"You remember that, my baby boy will always be there so you better look after yourself because I won't be able to."

"I don't want you to go," he sobbed.

"I don't wanna go either but it's just my-" she began to cough but forced herself to finish her sentence. "It's just my time."

She couldn’t hold back her coughing anymore. She sat up and the familiar sound of her hacking her lungs up took over. The sound still went through him, despite the fact that he'd heard it for months. 

"Just sit back for a second, okay?"

Nick lent her back and knew by the look in her eyes that this was it. Bradley stood up too, still holding her hand with white knuckles. Goose stroked her cheek as she struggled to catch her breath.

"It's okay," he choked. "Just focus on me honey, you can go now, I've got you."

Her breath wheezed as her eyes flicked between him and Bradley. Fear and calm washing and melting together. She kept panting, the tubes in her nose doing nothing for her as her eyes began to unfocus and her breath get soft enough that he could barely hear it. 

The heart monitor flatlined before he realised that her eyes had stopped on him, before he'd noticed the light go. Her last breath rattled against his face, cold. Her skin went dull and body limp as Bradley's knees gave way.

Nick moved around the bed to him and held him as the world ended. He grabbed his shirt as he sobbed into his shoulder, he felt it getting wetter with his tears and didn’t care. They were all they had now. He had to hold him while the world ended.

---

Sad :( . The last fic I'm doing for Whumptober is a follow on from this, and is equally sad. Also Bradley, my baby, he's just a sad, hurt kid in canon, all angry and I can imagine a hug from Carole would break all that anger and bravado and just make him cry. So here he is crying. Thanks for reading! @whumptober-archive

#whumptober 2023 #fic #cancer mention tw #cancer mention #hospitals tw #top gun #nick goose bradshaw #carole bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #nick bradshaw #goose bradshaw #goose top gun #goose lives au #bradley bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #rooster top gun #goosecarole #carolegoose #goose x carole #carole x goose #goose lives #but carole still dies #:( #also bradley's big sad #they're all big sad you am I kidding #bear writes