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#no i won't tag it as i don't think it provides new material
waitmyturtles · 6 months
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Some very smart people yesterday (@isaksbestpillow and @nieves-de-sugui) wrote about yesterday's announcements of GMMTV adapting Japanese stories like Ossan's Love and Kieta Hatsukoi/My Love Mix-Up. I haven't seen Ossan's Love yet (and I WILL watch it, once I'm done with the OGMMTVC, because that's my due diligence/completionist side talking, ha).
Generally speaking, there's excitement and/or confused discontent about why Thailand is increasing its adaptations of well-known Japanese manga and dorama properties -- particularly about My Love Mix-Up.
Other very smart people, like Dr. Thomas Baudinette, a BL scholar, have written about what exactly fans *should* be comparing when these shows come out -- that the Thai live-action dramas are most often based on Thai literary adaptations of the original Japanese manga series that provided the material for the Japanese live-action doramas.
Au Kornprom, the director of the upcoming GMMTV Thai version of My Love Mix-Up, and Fourth Nattawat and Gemini Norawit, the lead actors of the Thai drama adaption, clarified these points as well.
I think all entities involved are aware of the confused discontent about what's happening here, and I want to unwind on it for one hot second -- because I myself am still relatively new to the Thai BL fandom, but my entrée to all of this was from Japanese BL doramas a few years ago.
Check the Kieta Hatsukoi tag on Tumblr, and we see all manner of different opinions about how the Thai adaptation will stand up to the Japanese live-action dorama original with Michieda Shunsuke and Meguro Ren. Same on Twitter. Michi and Meguro brought an incredibly distinct, controlled, comedic, and empathic perspective to Aoki's queer revelation, and Ida's inquisitive demi identity.
I deeply appreciate Dr. Baudinette, Au, Fourth, and Gem for clarifying where GMMTV is coming from with this adaptation -- that this adaptation stems from the Thai adaptation of the original KH manga.
But I wanna offer a thought, again as someone new to the Thai BL fandom. BLs across Asia make up only a TINY slice of the massive amount of dramas that Asia have to offer. For those of us that stay close to Asian queer content: many of us have seen a LOT of shows over many countries. And we can't help but to compare shows! That's comparative media literacy for you. If the stories are similar, if the stories stem from the same original source -- well, we can't help but compare.
I want to also say that Japan and Thailand are going to have different - maybe VASTLY different -- ways of managing elements of the KH story, such as Aoki/Atom's queer revelation, and Ida/Kongthap's demi identity. Japan and Thailand are different countries -- OF COURSE they are going to have different socio-national lenses on these identify factors.
What got me in my heart when I watched Kieta Hatsukoi last year was the EMPATHY, the skilled and pointed empathy in which Michi and Meguro played their Aoki and Ida. Japan and Thailand are just DIFFERENT when it comes to kissing, love, and sex. It won't be fair to compare their international lenses to each other as holding up to each other in art.
But what I don't want to do is invalidate the broader fandom's experience of how we saw Michi, Meguro, and the Japanese BL world from interpreting these incredible characteristics that made the Japanese version of Kieta Hatsukoi such a deep show to watch. Was it cute? Was it fluffy? I'd actually argue: NO. It was communicated in a uniquely Japanese way. (I can't find it, but there's a TikTok of a group of Americans dancing to what they think is a Japanese fluffy pop song -- when the lyrics are actually about suicide. Cultural competency is always important for all of us to keep in mind as we watch Asian shows from country to country.)
And I also want to point out, speaking for myself, as I continue to burrow my way into the Japanese, Korean, and Thai BL fandoms -- that, once upon a time, there were WAY FEWER Asian queer shows to watch. So if you were looking for queer shows from Asia? You were LIKELY watching shows from ALL the Asian countries producing BLs. Thus the massive fandom overlap from people who HAVE seen the Japanese Kieta Hatsukoi/My Love Mix-Up, TO the people who WILL see GMMTV's version.
I absolutely heed and RESPECT where Au and Dr. Baudinette are coming from in specifying from where the GMMTV adaptation will come from.
But in regards to comparative perspectives on what Japan has produced, and what Thailand WILL produce? I truly don't think we can avoid the comparisons. I don't. I do very much wish for a broader, smarter, more intellectual comparative media dialectic between Japan and Thailand. But sometimes, us fans just wanna squee and TALK about our beloved shows. I squeed at the Japanese version of Kieta Hatsukoi because that show communicated complicated factors of queer identity with comedy and empathy. That's a particularly Japanese tack on producing BL art.
Because the BL fandom has had only a set amount of shows year over year, of course, many fans who WILL watch GMMTV's version of My Love Mix-Up WILL have watched the Japanese dorama version. Because, because! As I said before, the amount of queer media from Asia has always been smaller than het material.
Au Kornprom is a HERO to me. He's given me Bad Buddy, he's given me Theory of Love, he's given me A Tale of Thousand Stars, Moonlight Chicken, Still 2gether, all shows I fucking LOVE and LIVE WITH, I'd SLEEP WITH THESE SHOWS like a Nong Nao doll if I could.
There is no one, expect for Aof Noppharnach, that I trust more with this adaptation.
But I did just want to say my piece about the validity of comparisons and comparative media literacy here. Because there's no avoiding comparing the two dramas -- there isn't. Because Kieta Hatsukoi was so, SO good, and we do very much indeed hope that the key elements of that story are honored.
If they're not? Then we will learn, through the GMMTV version, what Au and his Thai team honor in the story, and our perspectives will be broadened. I recognize that the GMMTV team may value different elements. But I also respect the feeling of nostalgia for KH, and what we loved about that show, and how Japan communicates the elements that that nation values, too. We just can't help but compare, and my biggest wishes are that:
1) Fans watch the Japanese version of Kieta Hatsukoi before the premiere of the GMMTV, to understand where us on the comparative sides will be coming from, and
2) That Au, Fourth, and Gem slay in their usual way, because no matter what, we will still love and appreciate them for being THEM.
My fingers are BIG crossed, and my hopes are BIG up. This is just a great opportunity for those of us who are curious to take a respectful moment to compare Japanese and Thai drama art together, and to have a lot of fun doing it.
(Tagging some people that I've either been reading or talking to about this: @bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @taikanyohou if you're interested!)
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intothegenshinworld · 2 years
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Hey since we already had used to luxury reader how about a complete opposite
A reader who was used to barley making the ends meet
Ps sorry for bad lenguaje English isn’t my first language
No worries! I could understand what you wanted to say! :D Hope you like it!
Note 2: Idk might have included too many people. I didn't know how to tag this bc there were so many but sksksk I hope this is okay
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Normally you don't spend a lot of money on clothes and luxury stuff, only when you needed it.
Your most prized possession was your phone. Not only could you contact your friends but you spend many hours playing Genshin.
The game really helped you on your bad days.
It distracts you and you love the characters. You feel as if they truly understand you and will remain there, no matter how bad things will get.
When you were playing the game and your screen died you freaked out.
What were you supposed to do without your phone?
Shortly after your phone breaks, you black out. Or at least, that's what you think happened.
When you wake up, you feel like you're laying in clouds. The bed is so soft and warm, silk sheets are draped over your figure and you're wearing new clothes made from the best materials.
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When you see Ningguang walk in with Ganyu and Keqing you're in shock. How did you get inside your favorite game? Meeting your characters was possible now so you won't complain!
The Qixing take good care of you when you first wake up. There are a bunch of new clothes to choose from, and while you're grateful for so many clothes, you stick to choosing one outfit.
When learning that you're God!Reader you're so shocked, because why would you be a god?
When you get hungry you don't need to cook. Within minutes someone else is prepping the best meals for you, providing you food until your appetite has left. No longer do you need to worry about money either. Teyvat will gift you everything you need,
You're still getting used to this luxury, yet you keep accepting the gifts Childe brings you. Each one is personally chosen by the Tsaritsa, and sent from Snezhnaya to Liyue. Childe is a harbinger carrying out his duties as a diplomat, yet when you accept the gifts he can't help but be selfish and believe that your smile is meant for him, instead of the Tsaritsa.
During your stay in Liyue, you'd continuously get spoiled by the Qixing. If you tell them your concerns about money, they would reassure you that the mora is well spent. Ningguang would keep sending you the best outfits, hand-tailored with the highest materials just for you to wear.
When you meet Zhongli he too would show up with something valuable. He doesn't have money, yet he always has something to give to you. He ends up telling its history as well, keeping you for himself as the two of you share tea.
Xingqui as representative of the Feiyun Commerce Guild and practitioner of the Guhua Clan would visit you as well. Amongst the gifts of the Guild is his own book. He considers it a personal gift for you.
When you head to Mondstadt, the Acting Grand Master Jean would request that the big clans in Mondstadt send representatives to give you their welcoming gifts.
The Adepti would express their gratitude for your presence. Their gifts might not be as 'expensive' as Ningguang's but hold more meaning. You'd probably end up with some relic Xiao gifts you for protection.
Diluc would give you a few of his finest bottles of wine and would make room at the Dawn Winery should you request to stay over.
The Lawrence clan had some disagreements but at last, Jean had asked Eula to represent their clan. She'd be nervous, not wanting to offend you with her words. When you finally arrive you would tell Eula that meeting her was the best gift. She'd start to stutter and fumble over her words after that.
Later in Inazuma, you'd be welcomed by Ayato and Ayaka from the Yashiro Commission. As Cultural representatives, they'd make sure your welcome is as spectacular as can be. Thoma would be there as well, following the orders that Ayato gives him.
There are some members of the Knights of Favonius that would go out of their way to welcome you. Yet Kaeya, Lisa, and Albedo were the only ones who got to spend time alone with you.
The Tenryou Commission would be there as well. Not interacting with you but focusing on your safety. Kujou Sara would lead this department. If you choose to personally thank her for her hard work she'd act as if it was a normal thing to do, yet from the inside she's screaming because you gave her your attention.
When you arrive at the Tenshukaku you meet Ei, who came out of the Plane of Euthymia to personally greet you. She wants everything to be perfect and requests you to start wearing inazuman clothes.
Overall you'd get spoiled everywhere. You might need some time to get used to it but they will never stop loving you.
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distort-opia · 2 years
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Every single week for years and years now I have to see another - Batman sucks why doesn't he just kill the Joker- hit post and I am exhausted. It is a tiring take. Really boring. With no new and fresh concepts, no deep dives, barely read comics where all of this is addressed. What continues to be the worst of it for me is a) treating Bruce like he is a fully mentally stable individual devoid of irrational, extreme, trauma induced behaviours and reasoning b) thinking Batman is supposed to be presented as an actual 100% good guy superhero and writers are somehow being stupid and not realising how this lowers his heroism. It always boils down to the very act of seeing Batman kill the psychotic murderer and then zero clue what happens around it, and where the character is then taken. What could be very interesting and impactful arc is reduced to the most basic level moral dilemma and flattened out characters. No psychological sides to it at all, just black and white ethics discussions and vibes.
Myeah, I know what you mean. I occasionally see those kinds of posts as well, even with my rather curated fandom experience. The most grating are indeed the ones that reflect a shallow comprehension of Batman -- why he doesn't kill, what kind of character he is, and what sort of world he lives in. There is a lack of understanding regarding why Batman operates the way he does, and a reductive puritanical approach that morally flattens the characters into versions of themselves devoid of nuance... But on the part of many people making these kinds of posts, I don't think there's any genuine interest in reading more comics, or delving into the complexities of this dilemma. They aren't interested in engaging with the source material on its own terms, or taking context into account.
Aggressive statements calling Batman's no-killing rule stupid, and saying that Batman should kill Joker, were more frequently "Edgy Redditor" takes back in the day; often coming from male fans who wanted Batman to basically become the Punisher. But on Tumblr, their popularity in recent years is rather owed to the rise of purity culture, and especially this kind of... performative moral stance-taking that keeps popping up in fandoms. It's easy to know next-to-nothing about Joker as a character, but still hate on him and churn out Post #20568 about how Batman should kill him. After all, he's abusive and toxic and he killed people, so he surely deserves to die. "I, a pure and deeply moral individual, hate the Joker and don't understand why Batman won't just kill him! Watch me righteously and publically denounce this sinner Problematic Character, and whoever does not follow in my stead must be a sinner Problematic person just like he is!" And then the people who wish to come across as righteous and denouncing this Horrible Bad Character too will provide these posts with attention, and round and round it goes. For this kind of fan, it doesn't really matter where killing Joker leaves Bruce psychologically, or if it makes sense for him to do it narratively. It's not about the characters at all, it's a moral statement -- that conflates real-world rules and morals with the ones of a fictional comic-book world, but that's another much bigger issue.
Also, I did mention it elsewhere, but I'll reiterate that the people who simply dislike Joker for different reasons and mind their own business are obviously excluded from this. People with critical thinking skills, who tag their anti posts and don't harass or spew hate towards other fans who enjoy Joker as a character, are following basic fandom etiquette -- the best thing we can do to keep fandom a peaceful and pleasant experience. No one owes anyone an explanation for why they like one thing and dislike another. We're all playing in a fictional sandbox, and I've seen great meta discussion on Batman's no-killing rule on here, with some insightful and interesting opinions; but this kind of fun debate can only happen if fans don't jump to bite each other's heads off when someone veers away from the dogma Accepted Popular Fandom Opinion.
Anyway, yeah, I do commiserate, Anon. Hope it helped to vent a bit! My advice is to do your best to curate your own little corner of fandom; minimize contact with the people that exhaust you as much as you can.
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tenderbittersweet · 1 year
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When I was a struggling, traumatized teen, every adult in my life told me to move on, let it go, put it down. And every time I'd beg them to tell me how, no one had an answer. They'd tell me, "It'll just happen. You just have to do it." But when? But how? They'd say, "You just will. You just have to." Just just just. They really made "just" do a lot of heavy lifting. Well, I won't torture you or anyone else about the hows. Happiness, peace, and recovery shouldn't be an indecipherable secret. Here's how I did it:
Fill your time up in new ways
🗝: Get a hobby. Collect shells, bird watch, board games, book club. Find a friend who likes those things too. Find twelve. Find a place to put your attention that isn't a screen. (This is what people mean when they say "touch grass." They mean do something tactile.)
🗝: Make something. Cook, bake, sew, weld, knit, write, paint, building blocks, Legos. Show yourself that you have the power to create something, even if it "sucks." Because you are not broken. And if you feel like you are, you are able to make something new and unique, and there has never ever been anything like the thing you made and there never will be anything like it in existence again.
🗝: Do something active. As absolutely exhausting and cheesy and fake as it sounds, lying in bed or laying on the couch leaves you with nothing to do but obsess. I've legitimately gotten up from my bed while sobbing to take a walk around my block because I knew that's what I needed to do. Your bed will be there when you get back. Make your body do the stuff you know it can do.
🗝: Fill your head with new thoughts. Watch a new show, a movie, play, listen to slam poetry, listen to a new artist, check out a podcast. Your brain will love having something new to work with. Your brain will create new neural pathways, which will help you emotionally and mentally.
🗝: Don't look back. This doesn't mean never think about your past. It means to stop saying "would/should/could" when you do. It already happened. It can't be changed. Shaming yourself won't make anything different. You don't have to like it. It's okay to be angry and hurt.
🗝: Learn to emotionally regulate. This mean to stop self-harming. And there are so many ways we hurt ourself that isn't cutting. Stop staying up so late that you have no energy the next day. Stop letting yourself be too cold on purpose when you go out in the winter. Stop taking showers that burn your skin. Stop biting your nails until they bleed. Instead: squeeze playdough, get a fidget cube, pop bubble wrap, tear up paper, punch a pillow, scream into a pillow, ground yourself, call someone, scribble.
🗝: Leave toxic people behind. It's better to be totally alone than surrounded by people who hate you and mistreat you. You don't owe them an explanation. You're allowed to ghost shitty people. We often echo those around us. You'd be surprised how changing your conversation partner can infinitely lift your spirits. Being with friends shouldn't fill you with dread.
🗝: Let yourself rest. This can be scary because it means being a lone with your thoughts. But there are workarounds. Lie down and listen to music. Take a shower and listen to a podcast. Lie down and listen to an audiobook. Lie down and listen to ASMR. Go to a public place and people watch and listen in on conversations. Lie down and watch YouTube or TikTok. Lie down and scroll social media. For these last two, give yourself a time limit or restrict which tags you scroll to be positive, funny, aspirational, and/or educational. This isn't the time to doom scroll or to intentionallyl digest triggering material.
Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or a healthcare provider. I'm just a person who's gone through years of one-on-one therapy, as well as CBT, DBT, and ACT group therapy. I've done a lot of healing and soul-searching. It is not a linear process. You will fuck up, and it will suck when you do. It's a matter of continuing to try, even if it feels pointless, stupid, or cringey. Let yourself try something new. Let yourself make mistakes. Find something new to love. Learn to love, or at least support, yourself. I really hope this helps. 💛
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jollynutchopshop · 5 months
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The 17 Most Misunderstood Facts About replica bags designer
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numberonecloudnut · 5 months
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Your Worst Nightmare About replica handbags Come to Life
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finsterhund · 6 months
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I'm planning to finally write the long awaited update to my first medium article on Sly, so I went back and read my past articles and holy shit did I dump trauma into them. God. The one where I talk about needing to replace Ope because he won't survive much longer if I keep chewing on him pretty much documented how my life fell apart when Cazza left remission for the last time. Seeing photos of her on it made me fucking break. I tried reading the one about stuffed dogs that resemble Spot and I had her REVIEW EACH ONE. She was like my little coauthor. God.
No wonder it's gotten so much harder to write those. I'm missing my best friend who gave irreplaceable input.
I want to write the Sly II of Sly II though because I want to share the collective information I've found about Sly since then. It's criminal that unless you get your hands on a tag of Charlene's forever toys to read it yourself their stories are all lost to time.
If I had the energy I'd make my own fansite. Provide more lore info than egnome provides for them. But sadly I'm too exhausted. Just Sly for me. Also you literally have to buy one complete with tags to see the whole tag story and obviously I'm going to limit the amount of 300 dollar stuffed animals I buy thank you very much. My first, Sly II I got for way less than he's worth and my upcoming Christmas present I'm drastically reducing my calorie intake to afford. (Don't worry, they are raising my disability income for the new year and I'm not destitute yet lol)
I just. Man. I keep thinking what it must have been like when Charleen was around and actively making these guys. Meeting up at toy expos and such. All in the US, yeah, but still. Would have loved to meet her. Asked all about Sly. Back when her toys were still in production getting promotional materials would have been easier too. Apparently she had a little fan magazine she shipped out every so often where people could send in letters? That's the sort of stuff you don't get with mass produced toys but is also too much work for modern independent creators who are treading water in today's economy. The egnome mailing list doesn't even work anymore. I wonder when it stopped running.
I'm still not giving up on trying to recreate my own backup Sly, but I'm just so tired all the time. I wish I had a workshop and wasn't just doing everything in life straight outta my bedroom. If you saw my bedside table situation and the mess it is you'd all hurl. The discount section of a fabricland was shit out all over every even remotely flat available surface.
As futile as it seems and as tired as I am, I am also pleased to report that some level of progress is being made though. I'm designing ideas to make my own take on the character distinct enough from the original. I'm also on that subject thinking about finally learning how to quilt. For real this time. Using my roommate's sewing machine is a pain in the ass so most of what I'm doing is by hand so not as nice looking but I have more control and am less likely to murder my hand.
I keep wishing we could go to the other thrift store so I can go on a quest for a ton of vintage buttons. I'm looking for upholstery buttons specifically. God that's another thing. I love buttons. You know that? I should make a quilt that also serves as a button collection. And I still want to one day make a quilt from many of Cazza's old things but currently I can't bear to alter them in any way so I've put them in a tote in my closet so I don't stare at them and cry.
Good news in that I cleaned my room a bit and that Scott is almost finished with his ear medicine. He's become such a good boy about letting me out the drops in his ears. Really adaptable he is.
I keep thinking about how I wish I could go back to drawing tons of Heart of Darkness fan art again. But I remind myself that my very own Whisky died in my arms and yeah. It's no wonder I don't have the heart to do what I'm passionate about anymore.
Maybe I make a Sly entirely out of the dollar store paw print blankets of which Cazza died with. I'd get brand new ones, enough to make the Sly, don't know how many that would take but they're a nice texture. I have old fleece I got at a discount that reminds me of the Cazza collar maybe I could make a Cazza Sly and give him a Cazza collar.
Another thing is there's just been no info on the crying dog. None at all. I didn't stop caring about him. Just that nothing new has happened. Very sad.
Hopefully playing pikmin 3 and then 4 will be a nice reprieve. I can hope.
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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 3 years
Note
Girlie I gotta say if you're going to bitch at Nathan Chen for being homophobic (as he deserves) you can't just ignore that Shoma hates women...
Why did I see this coming? 🙄
I don't feel like I "bitch" about Nathan, but ok. I adressed an issue where he said a homophobic and mysogynistic answer in an interview.
I have answered the "Shoma thing" couple of times already. You can look that up if you want to. So I didn't ignore anything at all. And so I am not allowed to have an opinion because I still support Shoma? I have explained my reasoning before. And also why exactly should I bring Shoma up when Nathan is in question?
But still let's unpack your accusation a bit:
First of all there is still no official confirmation that it was Shoma after all. It was a voice, not a video, in a quite "skating anonymous" YT gaming channel that isn't officially tied to Shoma's name at all. So even if I agree that it likely was Shoma's voice in this, it's still totally different from an official interview with your name attached to it like what Nathan did.
2nd - this is not the whole picture of what Shoma actually said, it was "I hate girls my age because I see them too hard to impress boys" (at least this is one translation of similar other translations). There is a 2nd sentence to the "I hate girls" that ppl like to forget, because that frames a specific group of girls and not women in general (I dunno why ppl forget that - maybe I do) . He also said he hates animals and himself and a lot more things in a gaming stream of 4 hours and in between answered questions about his favorite food etc.
3rd - Translations make a difference. There are many different translations of what he said and they differ a lot and it depends on who translated it - a hater or someone neutral or a fan - because Japanese speaking ppl are not agreed on the fact whether he actually meant "hate" or "dislike", which makes a difference in how heavy the wording may hit. As I don't know Japanese myself I can only refer to translations of others and chose which translation to take as truth (none and all at the same time), I guess like most of his English speaking fans. (I can assure you from other native Japanese speakers that the Japanese FS fandom in general doesn't care at all for what he said in that stream, so maybe there is a context we as non-Japanese speakers are not getting or a society thing shows.)
THOUGH I do agree that the wording was mysogynistic and I am not excusing what Shoma said.
But I also don't neglect the background of the time that it was said at a time where he was without a coach, didn't feel he was worth anything, was thinking about quitting skating etc. Back in September 2019. So for me a mood where you say bad stuff. (If any of you wants to read different translations of this stream, you're welcome to ask - I'll send you links)
Btw you can read many interviews where Shoma praised woman and girls, for example he wanted to train with the Et*ri girls because he found their skating/jumps impressive. He also had two female coaches whome he praised at any minute, he also was the only male skater for long time in this group. In one of his recent video on his official affiliated channels he talked about "how girls are so much better at doing steps than he is". In SOI 2021 he praised the girls - who he was in a group number with - because how they repeated the number again and again and made him more comfortable because he was so bad at learning it. (The Japanese girls have all spoken in Shoma's favor how he made them laugh, about his intense stare in his eyes etc. You can also look this up under # soi2021)
As for Nathan the issue is different from Shoma's case. It was an official interview about the perception of the sport as "feminine". So he wasn't even asked about his personal feelings towards girls or LGBTQ ppl or asked about his sexuality but he chose to speak about being straight and about how the sport is "LGBTQ dominated" which is just plain wrong and how he wants to make the sport more masculine instead of adressing the perception of the sport as wrong or problematic. (Shoma was asked "what about girls" and talked about himself not the sport) Nathan as a world champion is heard and had a chance to have an impact to talk about the problems but he didn't. Instead he showed internalized homophobia and misogyny (not on purpose ofc and he may not even realize it yet) in his answer, so this was no help at all for the problems in this sport. Call me biased but there is a huge difference if you mumble something while gaming or if you have an official interview and know your words will get published and recorded. I don't and I won't excuse either one for what they chose to say, but to put everyone in the same pot just because "misogyny" is mentioned is a far too easy take.
I understand ppl got offended, it's also fine to cancel your support for either Shoma or Nathan. But as I said about Nathan as well in the post, I believe in the good in ppl and I am very sure those few sentences don't picture Nathan's nor Shoma's whole personality or world view in general. I don't judge ppl based on a few sentences, because I also wouldn't want to be judged by one insensitive thing I said at some point. We don't know these skaters, I haven't talked to them, did you? I also believe ppl can grow past mistakes and I also believe action speak louder than words. (I can only say for Shoma but when I met Shoma at the Challenge Cup he was surrounded by women and he signed autographs on the floor while everyone looked down on him and that's a thing a mysogynist would never do)
Calling out wrong behavior or microagressions is totally fine and we can all learn a thing or two, but to hate on the skaters or call them mysogynist or homophobe is going a bit too far imo. Also it deflects from the openly straight forward homophobe and mysogynistic men in this world.
And lastly as I said in another post already I follow skaters for their skating and Nathan's skating was never my cup of tea, so I wasn't his fan at all before, which is very different with Shoma as I loved and still love his skating and call me crazy I am not liking Shoma any less than before, because his skating remained the same and also I don't put ppl on pedestals. I am not actually personally offended when someone turns out to have flaws and views that don't represent my own views. I am old enough to understand that ppl irl differ from the person they show outside and I am also old enough to understand ppl have many layers of their personalities and just because views don't fit my own, doesn’t mean they are awful persons.
I write far too much, but I hope you got what I wanted to bring across, girlie....
_____
I am here in this fandom for skating first and foremost and I support who I like and if you don't like Shoma (or Yuzu) anymore or at all feel free to unfollow and block me.
If you want to talk about Shoma and what he said you can send me a message I swear you can be honest and I also understand if you're not able to support him anymore. I don't want to convince anyone that you are not allowed to feel offended and hurt, just that I am not. I was disappointed in his words as well but I looked into my heart and there is still the same feeling there ever was. (You can also talk about Nathan but I may not be the right person to help you here as I never was his fan)
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crippleprophet · 3 years
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hi, just wondering if you'd be willing to break down that quote you liked from biopolitics of disability? I felt like I understood the first half (ish) but I'm not really sure about the second.
Is the idea that research on disabled bodies is profitable, or that disabled people will become nondisabled and join the workforce, or is it arguing that like this research is done out of genuine care and concern for disabled people? I can't quite grasp it. obvs if you don't feel like answering I won't be a dick, just thought since your tags seemed enthusiastic you might have things you might wanna say about it.
absolutely, thank you for asking! it’s a somewhat dense quote that could easily be confusing if you don’t have familiarity with certain texts & concepts. i’ll just take it in sections, but i totally invite other commentary & insight! any emphasis is my own.
Rather than social pariahs, disabled people increasingly represent “research opportunities” in the sense that medical race sociologist Aihwa Ong means when she argues that “treating” ill and disabled Cambodian refugees in the United States increasingly “became the justification for state and local clinics to obtain much-needed funding from the federal government” (96).
historically, the goal of biomedical interventions in disability has been to eliminate non-normative bodies. the concept that all disabilities require medical intervention (often framed as an approach that is in opposition to creating an accessible society) is referred to as the medical model of disability. it argues that our bodies (i use the term broadly, inclusive of minds) need to be fixed and that eradicating disability is a good thing.
this quote expands on that prior scholarship and argues that biomedical research into disability exists not only to bring disabled bodies into the sphere of normalcy but also as a way for clinics to obtain funding—funding which only exists because of the government’s panic that people, especially immigrants, may become recipients of services like SSI and Medicaid due to disability.
Rather than a former era’s economic “burden,” disabled people have become objects of care in which enormous sectors of postcapitalist service economies are invested. In the terms of recent political economy, disability has been transformed into a target of neoliberal intervention strategies—a “hot” ticket item for potential research and policy funding schemes. Disabled people, once thrown out of the labor system on the basis of their lack of normative productivity in a competitive labor market, now find themselves “at hand for [the] purposes of accumulation at a later point in time.
to rephrase this in a very bitter and sarcastic way, disabled people used to be rejected from society because we aren’t as productive as abled people, but under neoliberal capitalism, we can be good little consumers just like everybody else! even initiatives that aim to increase disabled people’s autonomy and independence focus on us as consumers of disability-related services and our right to make financial decisions in a capitalist marketplace (link to a bit more on that here).
i’m not saying financial autonomy isn’t important—for many people, it’s the difference between life and death, and i’ll include a quote below with more perspective on that than i can provide. but under the current system, it results in corporations vying for disabled people’s money and watered-down activism arguing that businesses for which we are “objects of care” shouldn’t abuse us because then we won’t pay them.
in a broad political sense, it’s a reactionary rather than revolutionary mindset; sort of like how modern gay rights organizations in the US & other countries push for threatening politicians that they’ll lose the “gay vote” if they support a dangerous homophobic policy. it gives us a sort of power, but one that we only need because we’re living under a deeply broken system. but again, that’s not to say that financial independence isn’t vital for disabled people in the here and now, it just shouldn’t be the biggest we can dream. my goal for our people is liberation, not increased consumption.
“It is about time for revolution. We, people with disabilities, have to claim the decision making power and the financial means that are set aside by the taxpayer for disability policies. We have to gain control of our own lives, our own physical rehabilitation, our own personal assistance. We are the experts, we have to build up our own expertise and know-how. We don't need medical doctors, bureaucrats and social workers to decide what our needs are. We know what our needs are and how they can be fulfilled. We ask services that respond to our needs. We don't want to be the object, but the subject of these services.” —Huys Jos, “From Object of Care to Subject of Services,” Rethinking Care—From the Perspective of Disabled People (link to source pdf)
Put in the language of contemporary postmodern political theory, we might say that capitalism necessarily and always creates its own ‘other’” (Harvey, Neoliberalism 141). The historical production of others situates bodies in a position tantamount to un(der)explored geographies: they come to be recognized as formerly neglected sites now available for new opportunities of market extraction that fuels so much of the production end of neoliberal capitalism.
essentially, disabled bodies are Antarctica: left alone by the capitalist marketplace for a long time out of a vague fear and repulsion, but now everyone’s eying us, wondering what profit they can extract, and we aren’t protected nearly as much under global treaties. neoliberal capitalism demands constant expansion, constant profit growth, so instead of being rejected from the (literal and proverbial) marketplace, we’re catered to in a flimsy way that risks hiding the true state of discrimination we experience.
think of the recent erupting discussions around pride month merchandising and advertising; incredibly discriminatory, oppressive companies change their logos rainbow because they’ve realized lgbtq+ people are profitable. similarly, entire sectors of the market start salivating when you mention the US’s aging population because of all the assistive technology people will need. it’s not access as a human right, it’s access for a profit.
Such developments arrive, inevitably, with their own contradictions intact, but they also provide opportunities for rethinking disability as not only alternatively social, but also nonnormatively material, subject.
the social model of disability argues that disability is created by an inaccessible society; what is disabling is not, for example, someone’s paralysis which requires them to use a wheelchair but rather the fact that the apartment buildings in their area don’t have elevators, the streets don’t have curb cuts, and the stores don’t have automatic doors. this excerpt argues that not only is disability constructed through these social means, it also has a nonnormative materiality, in the sense of dialectical materialism; disabled people are uniquely affected by socioeconomic interactions in ways that affect the conditions of our lives.
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minisoc · 3 years
Text
As requested, line by line breakdown of testoster2's anti communist rant about parties.
> idk which baby leftist needs to hear this
off to a great condescending start from someone whose only left credit is claiming to be on the left on their Tumblr
> but joining a socialist party will be a waste of your time.
I couldn't imagine a more cop opinion to start us off with. i see things like this and i think: whose interests does this serve? "oh no baby leftists, don't join a party" just brings to mind this image
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> you'll probably have to pay a monthly due
that's true. every communist party in history has taken dues from members. it's typically scaled to what you can manage though and it's part of the collective effort of the party organization to make social change. my dues sent comrades to Venezuela and Cuba to learn from socialists there, they produced our programs for free lunches, it built our community centers. i have no regrets about paying my dues, i pay dues to my union as well.
> that goes to like. flyers no one reads
projection. sounds now like op is defending their own lack of action with a lack of belief in the possibility of change. in my experience people do read things and even change their minds after reading things. if people were not able to be affected by the written word then propagandists on all sides would be in a tough situation.
> that you yourself will have to give to people
oh no, you mean joining a party means you might have to do outreach and talk to people? can see why it's not for op, then.
> (this in case the money doesn't go straight in the party leader's pocket).
op has never seen this but says it like it's a fact. it would be pretty easy to find out if your party leadership is embezzling and your party should be structured in a way that you know they'd be thrown out if they betrayed everyone like this. i have that confidence in my party, at least.
this is also very reminiscent about how anti communists engage with propaganda. they feel comfortable making claims of any kind whether supported or not. anyway, this is another obvious cop opinion.
> you'll waste time writing papers and reports and shit, it'll feel like having a second job.
not explained is why writing is a waste of time. i think writing for a party is almost always a useful activity, whether you're making plans for a new action or campaign or producing new agitational materials or analysing the results of previous work so you can improve on it.
it is a job, though. being a communist does mean doing work, society won't change by sitting at home and attacking communist parties on Tumblr. the lifelong sacrifices made by hard working communists are why we have seen so many socialist victories in the last century.
> the most exciting events will be lib shit like elections
this again can only be projection. the most exciting times for me have been in some of the countries largest protest actions, organizing campaigns to free political prisoners, providing at risk communities with basic needs and engaging with them, building new unions, etc. etc
> or peaceful protests that the party would still organize w/o you as a member
here's the key issue with op i think. they want to be vital to the revolution. they don't want to think that they're only one of many people all working together. yes it's true the party will continue without you, especially a wannabe cop like you. but it doesn't mean party work is useless, it just means you are useless as an individual.
> (showing up at a protest w/o having a party affiliation gives you more freedom
freedom to do what, i do wonder? being afraid of party work bc it doesn't let you do whatever you want is kinda silly, if you don't want anyone to ever tell you what to do then yeah don't join a party. if you want to make change in the world then do.
> + makes you a bit less arrestable - as opposed to if a cop saw you carrying a name tag w the hammer and sickle on it. just fyi)
this again appears to have been just made up by op. I've never been arrested for wearing a pin or a party tshirt. i don't know a single person who has. and I've known plenty of people without any markings get arrested.
> all this w/o even mentioning how (depending on your luck) there could be a lot of infighting, splits, sometimes purges
well yes it sounds like there would be a lot of drama wherever op goes but it doesn't seem to be the case generally. my party did form in a split, but over 15 years ago. i don't see any reason to worry that it would happen again any time soon. we don't infight at all, sorta the concept of the party is people who want to work effectively together.
another bit of funny evidence that op is anti communist is the inclusion of the word purges, lol. purge means expulsion from party, ooh very sinister.
> all in all, joining a socialist party is a very, Very ineffective way of building communism lmao
well first it's simply a truth that no socialist country was ever built without a communist party. not one.
but also, did any of ops points have anything to do with effectiveness? all i gathered is they're pushing an individualistic, don't tell me what to do outlook. and the condescension about protests and flyering suggest they want something more adventurist, possibly involving violence. remember the fbi and police always instigate when they infiltrate groups. they always push for criminal actions and violence.
> i'd instead recommend you talk to your neighbours abt their lives, and see how you can help each other.
hey, guess what a party does! do you think our new tenants unions and unemployed councils could come into being without talking to neighbors? do you think our new unions could come into being without discussing the way we could help each other?
> if you live in like a very rich neighbourhood or something, instead of joining a socialist party
well isn't this an interesting premise. i wonder what it says about op that they want to emphasize what the well off should do.
> it'd be way more effective if you joined a liberal/conservative party and then fucked their shit up as much as possible
sure, just see every other attempt in history at wrecking or entryism with the Democratic party. i encourage you to look into it
> if ur only goal is meeting other leftists, only go to the first 2 or 3 party meetings, by then you'll know the scene and you'd have already befriended the interesting people. that;s my advice at least
this piece of advice is generally good. in fact before applying to join any party if at all possible i encourage you to meet with the members local to you, see how they work, see what you think of their ideas and what they're doing. if they're not active in your community, ask why not. there's nothing requiring you to join if it isn't for you. but if you want to make change in this country, learning how to do it from those with experience is best. and working together in an organization that can effectively chart a path forward is the only option there is. every communist revolution was built with the leadership of the communist party.
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xxisxxisxxis · 3 years
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Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Two
Words: 4.3K
Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, violence, drug abuse, domestic abuse
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Vivian strikes again. 
My leg shakes with each tap of my foot as I impatiently wait for her to come through that door. I've been waiting for nearly forty-five minutes. 
Maybe I scared her off with pitching a fit over her not telling me about her miscarriages. But I had a good reason to be upset. Addict or not, I fucking deserved to know what the hell was going on.
"Where's your wife?" Amber asks me, glancing at her watch. 
"Hiding more kids from me, probably." I mumble and she raises her brows, staring at me for a moment. 
"While we wait for her, can you do me a favor?" She asks and I shrug. "Take a few minutes to try to imagine what having kids during the last four years would have been like with your drug addiction. Because you would still have a drug addiction--babies wouldn't have changed that." She points out. "Honestly," she adds. "Close your eyes, and take some breaths, and just use your imagination as to what having children during these last few years would have done to you, and to your wife.
I take a breath and close my eyes, deciding it probably couldn't hurt to try to wrap my head around being a dad right now, especially with as many as she lost...
1984
...I feel Viv's weight shift from me, her eyes closed, a little hum comes from her when she turns her back to me but still keeps close, her feet tangled with mine, her lions mane of hair still spread out over my pillow as well as hers. Despite being half asleep, myself, I tighten my arms hold just under her ribs and pull her to me before my hand slides over her five-month pregnant stomach. 
I lull back to sleep, before I'm woken up merely minutes later by the sound of the baby crying and Vivian pulling herself away from me, putting her robe on to cover her naked body. 
She sighs under her breath, mumbling something, and I sit up. 
"I can go--"
"--No, I got it." She says, dismissively.
"Vivian, are you still pissed at me?" I ask. 
"You ditched me on our anniversary and stayed out all night smoking smack and partying with your moron friends."
"I offered for you to come out with us." I remind her.
"I'm pregnant and we have a daughter here, Nikki. One of us needs to remember that." She adds before stomping out. 
I roll my jaw and feel a spiteful twinge in my mind. 
Perhaps spiteful, perhaps wanting to chase away the guilt of ditching her last night…
I end up in the bathroom, chasing the dragon, curled under my high while hearing Vivian softly sing hymnals to the six-month old…
I assume she knows exactly where I'm at once she's done, because I hear her walk back to our bedroom and, when she usually comes to find me so she's not by herself, she doesn't come looking for me. 
1986
"...No, you idiot, not that…" I say to myself, rubbing my forehead, scribbling out the line of lyrics I've been fighting to get out. 
The door of mine and Viv's bedroom is soon bursting at the hinges, allowing me to fully hear Pierce crying while Frannie and Johnny come rushing into the room, squealing. 
"Hey, hey, hey!" I stop them before they can crawl under the bed. "What's goin' on?" I ask them, slowly hiding the Jack bottle in my bass case.
I spent last night freebasing and I'm still trying to coax myself down. 
Frannie looks at me with sharp green eyes, her brown hair knotty looking from wallowing on the living room carpet earlier...Johnny, brown eyes and red hair, just puts his attention on the pissed off Vivian that's stalking her way in here with the baby. 
"Um," Frannie starts, trying to think up her excuse. 
"Francesca and Johnathan tried to tote Pierce off again." Vivian states, eyeing the two toddlers with daggers, and they slowly sink down to try to use me as a human shield. 
"He's a new baby, Viv, they don't mean any harm. They just--"
"--Okay, well maybe if you put the bass down and actually come in here and help me out, you can supervise them while they 'hold' him, since I'm trying to start on dinner." She states. 
I glance at the kids and then at her…
"Or you can stare at me like an idiot, too." She mumbles, going to shut the door as she says, "You have no issue knocking me up but won't help me with them once they're out."
 I roll my jaw and grab my bottle of Jack, putting my bass back. 
What the fuck? 
If it wasn't for me writing songs, the band wouldn't have new material, which would mean no new album, which would mean no money--not enough to support her and three fuckings kids, anyway, so she should be thanking me for still wanting to provide for my fucking family. Because anybody else with three kids in two years would be putting a bullet through their skull. 
"C'mon, guys," I say to Frannie and Johnny, and they follow me out, Frannie reaching up to grab my hand. 
I put old cartoons on the TV while Viv puts Pierce down to sleep once he's drifted off. 
On her way out of the nursery, I'm stopping her in the hallway, my hand grasping her arm in a tight hold, roughly tugging her into the guest bathroom, cracking the door. 
I've got her against the counter, hand around her throat, gasping little breaths pushing past her lips for a moment as I say, "if you ever talk to me like that in front of my fucking kids again, I'll give you plenty to bitch about." I promise her, lowly, and she just looks up at me and nods. 
"Now turn around." I say next and she glances at the door. 
"Nikki, we don't have tim--"
"--They're watching TV. Turn around." I repeat and she grins a little, licking her lips and turns to face the mirror. 
I'm unzipping my pants, yanking her shorts down and pushing her panties to the side before grabbing a fist full of her hair and sliding it in, tilting my head back and grinning as she makes little whimpers in an attempt to keep from being loud. 
We've mastered the art of 'a good time in a short time,' and once we've both had our release, I'm zipping my pants back up, and she's still bent over the sink, hands white knuckling the edge of the counter, hair in her face, bite marks on her shoulders, cum down her shaking legs, trying to catch her breath.
I kiss the place between her shoulder blades, the back of her neck, her hair, my hand getting her hair from her face to look at her in the mirror.
She's looking at me with a little smile, right before, "I'm pregnant again," comes out and shatters my post-orgasm buzz. 
My knuckles sting as blood rolls down my fist, glass falling onto the counter, sink, and floor, when I drive my fist past her and into the mirror. 
She just hangs her head and I'm getting out, feeling the walls of the bathroom caving in on me. 
"Daddy, what's wrong?" Frannie asks as I grab my keys and my jacket. 
"Nothing, Frannie. Daddy's going out, alright?" I tell her. "When mommy gets in here give her a big hug." I add, seeing Johnny's too enthralled with Charlie Brown to notice I'm even leaving. 
I kiss her head and I'm out the door before Vivian gets out of the bathroom. 
I swear the only thing keeping us together is the fact that when divorce is an unspoken thought for either of us, she gets pregnant. 
I'm twenty-seven years old and I have a two year old, a one year old, a two month old, and now she's fucking knocked up again?!
How the hell is that even possible? Don't chicks need like six months for their bodies to reset after popping kids out or something? Jesus I married a PEZ dispenser with a never ending supply of eggs. 
By the time I get to where I'm going, I already regret it. 
Incense, crack fumes and perfume suffocate me as soon as she opens the door in her bra and panties. 
Not necessarily in a sexy way--more so in a higher than a kite and disheveled type of way. 
Which is perfectly fine with me because I don't need 'sexy' right now. I just need to get outta my head. 
Despite that, though, clothes come off, we end up on the living room floor, and instead of smoking a cigarette once we're finished, we opt for more erasure. 
"She's pregnant again." I confess to Tansy  out of nowhere after breathing out some smoke, my mind getting pushed aside, the crawling of my skin starting to settle. 
Blue eyes look at me as I hand it over before her greedy hands snatch it. 
"What?" She asks me. 
"Vivian's pregnant." I repeat. 
"I am, too." She says it so seriously that I look at her for a second, before seeing the very corner of her lips tug for a millisecond. 
"You're bullshitting me?" 
"I'm bullshitting you." She says, giggling, and 
I start ranting about it, my words getting more and more jumbled and lost the more hits of the pipe I take, until I'm not even worried about Vivian due to the paranoia that ensues. 
I get home at 5:00a.m….the day after the next. How low do I have to be to continuously go her best friend and my own moronic self pity? I don't know. 
I shut the door to the house and put my shit down, nearly tripping when I try to take my boots off. 
I'm on Halcions and Jack, and I think they're starting to kick in because I'm fucking exhausted. 
I glance at the living room scattered with toys and rub my face. 
I get it: "Mötley Crüe, don't give a fuck, fuck precautions, fuck all of it," but come on, man.
 How the hell could you be so fucking reckless?
I walk into our room, the lamp on Viv's night side table on while she's got one long leg out of the covers, laying on her stomach, arms under her pillow, the covers falling just enough to cover the tops of her thighs and her ass, her back and the side of her chest peeking out, exposed. 
She looks fucking beautiful.
Oh, yeah, that's how the hell I could be so reckless. 
I go rinse off in the shower for a second to try to wash away Tans and the drugs...maybe even guilt….
When I'm done, I peek out of the bathroom to see that she's still asleep, and I turn off her lamp and crawl into bed, closing my eyes for a moment. 
I feel her move closer to me before her lips are pressing to my cheek, hands running over my chest gently before she lays down, throws her leg over my stomach, and rests her cheek on my chest. 
"Are you still mad at me?" She questions softly, and I let out a breath.
"I'm mad at myself, Viv." I mumble. 
"Oh." She replies quietly. "I would get on birth control but it wouldn't react well with my Nardil."
"You mean the Nardil you aren't taking anyway?" 
She's silent. 
"Honestly at a point where I don't even want to have sex anymore because you're gonna end up getting pregnant." I add, gruffly. 
"Oh, come on, Nikki." She scoffs, not believing me. 
"I'm serious, Vivian. I'm tired of being a fucking baby mill." 
"Oh you're the baby mill? You just get your rocks off and I'm the one carrying the thing for nine months but you're the victim here?" 
She sits up and glares at me. 
"Yes! I am!" I argue. "You have this weird thing with cum that I've always thought was hot but now I'm starting to realize you're just trying to boulder me down." 
"Nikki, you've made it very clear that marriage and babies aren't bouldering you down. You still go out and party and do your drugs and your day drinking--you were just gone for over a day...so I don't want to hear, 'you're bouldering me down,' because I'm not. If you wanna leave, then leave." She snaps.
I roll my eyes and she goes back to her side of the bed and turns away from me, before she snatches all the covers away from me. 
I'm too tired for it so I just pass out. 
1987 
"Nikki!" Doc is banging away at my door, making me snarl to myself before capping my needle and hiding it under my pillow. 
"What?!" I bark out, going to the door. 
I swing it open, naked, aside from stained underwear, to see Vivian and my whole litter of kids.
"S-Surpise!" Viv tries to keep her tone light and cheery for the five kids around her, our brand new girls in her arms.  
I don't know how to react except to shut the door in their faces and angrily get my shit together. 
I'm out of the shower and dressed in the next hour, taking the smallest hit from the needle I hid, just as a maintenance dose, before I'm heading to Doc's room--where I'm assuming he took them when they realized I wasn't coming back out. 
I knock on the door and Viv opens it, looking up at me. 
"Suprise!" I mimic how she greeted me earlier, and she scowls at me and goes to slam the door in my face, but I'm stopping it with my hand and shoving it open. 
"Daddy!" Frannie, Johnny, and Pierce come running to me and I'm getting down and letting them attack me, wrapping my arms around them. Pierce is nearly two, now, and he's nearly as tall as Frannie. 
Dannie is walking cautiously to me, smiling at me and I meet him halfway and pick him up, kissing his cheek as I go over to the little babies Doc's supervising, one a replica of me, the other of Viv…
I lean down and kiss both of them, making them smile and kick their feet, excitedly. 
I wasn't there with them when they were born. 
I go over to Vivian, who's got her arms crossed, her jaw clenched.  
"Does Daddy get a kiss from Mommy, too?" I ask. 
"Daddy doesn't have to fuss at mommy for having more babies anytime soon because daddy isn't gonna get to be in the same bed as mommy for a long time." She replies. 
"Mommy seems to forget that the last three babies weren't even made in a bed." I reply. 
"Do you guys wanna few minutes alone? I can get Fred, Emi and Donna down here to help me." Doc offers and I look at him. 
"That's out of character and nice of you." I state suspiciously. 
"Despite you being an asshole, your kids aren't." He shrugs and I roll my eyes. 
I kiss all of them bye for a couple hours, and put Dannie down before tugging at Viv's hand once Fred and the girls get here...I see Donna and feel guilty…one of the chicks I cheated on my wife with is taking care of our kids…
When we get to a new room--mines so out of wack I don't want Viv to pass out--we do what we do best and in the aftermath, small talk in between breaks of making out, Vivian drops the ball. 
"I know you've been seeing her." She tells me out of nowhere when my lips press to her neck, quietly. 
My body tenses up. 
"What?" I sit up and she does, too. 
"There's no need to be shocked that I found out--we both know you wanted me to find out. Why the hell else would you leave letters you two write back and forth with each other, out in our closet where you know I'd find them?"
I just look at her. 
"You and Tansy, Nikki." She states, tears in her eyes. "Why the hell have you done this to me, Nikki? She's my best friend?" 
Is she serious? 
I get out of bed and pull my pants on, ignoring her. 
"I'm not shocked, you know, I always knew you'd be a deadbeat husband and a deadbeat dad, just like your father." 
I start clapping slowly, really appreciating her performance.
"Bravo, Vivian, really, you should get a fucking award for those tears." I state, fed up. "It's gotta be theatrics because what sense would it make for you to be genuinely upset I've been hooking up with Tansy, when you and Robbin have been seeing each other for two fucking years, now?!" 
Her eyes widen, she looks like a deer in headlights...which just confirms it all the more to me. 
"How fucked up do you have to be to cheat on your husband with his fucking brother, while pregnant with his fucking kid?" I ask and she takes heavy breaths, obviously trying to get her temper under control. "Not to mention that I'm starting to question if Dannie is even mine being as he looks nothing like me." 
She's slapping the piss out of me, tears streaming down her face. 
I rub at the stinging hot skin of my cheek and roll my jaw, staring at her a few seconds, before shoving her back to the bed, grabbing her shoulders, getting in her face while shouting, "you stupid fucking bitch, I fucking hate, you ruined my fucking life!" 
She's sobbing now, her head turned, mascara staining her cheeks as I push myself off of her and trudge to the door. 
"Cheating on me for two goddamn years, you fucking whore, who the hell do you think you are?! I can have kids with anybody, I can have anybody I want, but I fucking chose you and this is how you repay me?! Fuck you! There's a million fucking yous out there!" I throw a bottle at her and it misses by a couple inches and she sits up, trying to stand up as I open the door. 
"I'm getting my fucking kids away from you, you fucking crazy cunt!" I call and she's rushing out, wearing my t-shirt to cover herself up, grabbing my hand and yanking me to a halt before I can start to Doc's room. 
"You're not touching my kids, Nikki, I swear to God I'll fucking kill you, don't touch my fucking kids! You're fucking stoned!" She threatens me and I turn. 
"Oh, you'll kill me?!" I bow up at her and she punches me, her ring cutting my cheek, before she's hitting me again. 
She goes for a third time but I block her and shove her down, kicking her as hard as I can in the ribs, knocking the breath out of her. 
"Don't fucking touch me, you fucking slut." I smear the blood from my cheek, banging on Doc's door as she crawls a few feet before managing to pull herself up, resting against the wall, coming towards me. 
The door opens and I see Emi with Pierce in her arms. 
I don't say a word to her, I just grab him and smile at him, bouncing him a little, as I say, "Frannie, John, c'mon!" 
Of course they come, not realizing what's happening. 
Until Vivian's trying to pry Pierce from my hands. 
"Let go of my baby!" She screams at me, trying to bat me away from him while he starts whining. 
She hits me with her closed fist in my ear and I lose it, punching her so hard she hits the ground, Frannie and John immediately start crying upon seeing their mother bloody and dismayed.
The door opens more to reveal Doc as Emi looks at me, horrified, pulling John and Frannie back inside before Doc's snatching Pierce from me. 
"What the hell is going on?!" Doc shouts as guests peek their heads out of their doors. 
It's as if my demons give me the reins back and split, leaving me to look down at my beat up wife, crying, hearing my traumatized kids crying out behind the door. 
I just stumble back, my back hitting the wall before I'm sliding down it to the floor, staring off as Doc continues to yell at me...
...I blink, being pulled back to reality, staring down at the floor of Amber's office.
I'm not sure if we had kids by then, if Viv would have stayed or left. I'm not sure why I imagined I would've been with Tansy and not Vanity, why she would have had an affair with Robbin and not Duff...maybe I knew, subconsciously, that us having children at that time would have changed the way everything happened between us.
"I guess it was for the best." I reply to her, finally, looking at her. 
"Everything happens for a reason." She assures me. "There is a reason she didn't have any babies in the past four years." 
"Okay, wise one, is there any reason she isn't here today?" 
VIVIAN
"...Mom, and my brother Jon, my sister Carol, my brother Mark, my brother Bruce, my sister Joan, my other sister Claudia, and that's Matt--you know Matt," he glances at me and I nod, looking at the picture of the family, "And then there's me." He points to a toddler and I grin, looking at him. "My dad didn't wanna be in the picture, which I'm glad he wasn't because I would've cut him out if it, anyway when he left, so…" he shrugs, looking at it another moment. "Alright, let me show you to your room." He wiggles his brows and I giggle as he picks up my suitcase and leads me back down a hallway. 
"This is Joan's old room, obviously been redecorated because it's not covered in ABBA and Cher ." He mumbles. 
"I heard that!" Joan says from the living room. 
"No ya didn't!" He replies, smiling at me, putting my suitcase on the bed. "Everybody's coming over for dinner tonight so you have time to take a nap, get comfortable, whatever." He shrugs and I nod. 
"Okay." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. 
"I'm gonna go help my mom and Joan start cooking." He adds. 
"I can hel--"
"--You didn't sleep at all on the way up here, Viv."
"Because I wasn't tired." I lie and he looks at me. 
"Take a nap." He tells me, moving the suitcase off of my bed. 
"Fine." I roll my eyes. 
"Love you." He leaves me, shutting the door and I get on the bed, getting comfortable, and wondering what Nikki's doing right now...he's probably shitting a brick. 
After an hour, the door is opening and Duff's squeezing my fuzzy sock covered feet, making me laughs and yank my legs away from him. 
I haven't slept, but I've rested enough that I don't feel as sluggish. 
"You stink." I wrinkle my nose when he lays beside me. 
"Onions." He replies. "Joan kicked me out for chasing her around with the raw chicken." He adds. 
"And now raw chicken juice is on my feet?" I ask. 
"No, I washed my hands." He assures me. 
"Okay." I chuckle, rubbing my lips together. 
"Who all's coming to dinner?" I ask, next. "Jon, Bruce, Claudia, and my buddy Andy." He informs me. "Matt's coming up to go out for breakfast with me, you, Andy, and Joan tomorrow morning, and later this week we're gonna have a barbecue and you'll get to meet everybody, including my nieces and nephews." He adds and I raise my brows. 
"That's a lot of people." I reply, raising my brows.
"Very big family." He agrees. 
"It's weird." I say next and he furrows his brows. "Not like that, just...I don't know I'm used to being the only child, no cousins, no aunts or uncles--well, aside from aunt Lily--Nikki's not real close to his family, so we just...we're not really big on family." I shrug. "Well, dad is, he's always wanted more kids and a big family, I think, but my mom didn't so he didn't press her about it since she was ultimately the one who'd be carrying them." I add. 
"Do you want anymore kids?" He asks me and I let out a breath. 
"I'm not sure…" I trail off. "...I'd like to, but I don't know. I haven't thought about it, much." I lie and he nods. 
"Do you want anymore kids?" I ask him. 
"I do at some point, I don't think Mandy wants to, though. She says being a step-mom at the age of twenty-five is enough." He tells me. 
"Maybe she'll change her mind." I say. 
"She didn't want any kids when we first dated, so I think the only reason she's even making leeway for a stepchild is because she loves me." 
"It says a lot about her if she's willing to do that, though. A lot of women would've left." 
"Yeah, she's cooler about it than I thought she'd be." He agrees. "What did Nikki do when you first told him?" 
"He cried." I admit. "Like, a lot." 
"That's understandable." He says lowly. 
"Yeah, it is." I nod. "He's okay with it, now, though. He's not mad at either of us. I think he's more upset with himself about the whole thing." 
It's quiet for a few minutes before I get up enough courage to ask him, "are you happy?" 
"What do you mean?"
"Like...you know...our break up, and then you and Mandy are engaged now and I'm pregnant…"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I'm great, Viv." He assures me, sounding genuine. "I don't know, things are a mess and crazy right now but I feel like it's falling into place at the same time, you know?"
I nod, smiling softly…
…I bought it for that moment.
I realized he was lying to himself the next morning at breakfast when he told the waitress to bring him a screwdriver--a triple--and, "just keep 'em coming."
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mocacheezy · 3 years
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Wanted to make a seperate post for this, because this stuff will go under a readmore. (damn it got long)
Added my two cents on this post, but here is what I do when I do have the energy leave comments on fics (and some extra thoughts on my kudoses):
Comments
There is such delight when I find a fic that I have to write my thoughts down while reading, because I love to scream my joy @ the author in the comment once I am done with the chapter/fic itself.
And hopefully by the time I reach the end of the chapter I can calm down enough to actually write something coherent aside from screaming and keysmashing.
Some fics get me that excited!
Some fics I had to put down while reading, so I could pace around the room, because the possibilities for where the situation could go are ENDLESS!
Some fics I've put down and picked up MONTHS later, because a chapter was just so good and made me feel SO MUCH, I was unable to read further!
There are fics I forgot about and returned to years later and was DELIGHTED to see them finished or still going (there was this one back on fanfiction.net that I adored with all my heart, and I plan on checking out what happened to it. The author went on a break around the time another fandom took my attention, but the fic was so good I still remember it from time to time. It made my life more than just bearable, it made me laugh to tears at some points. )
When a fic gets me that excited, I noticed I tend to either comment short excited comments before nyooming to the next chapter, or read all of it over a course of a couple of days, gather my thoughts and leave an almost essay long comment, because the whole fic was just so good and I want to say it all in one place!
There were a couple of fics that I actually WANTED to write essays on, because I appreciate the authors writting style so so so much! For some I still do, because holy hell, the writing and characterization is great, while ALSO gives us things canon/source material didn't explore. But, if I do that, I wanna do it good because KUDOS TO THE WRITERS!
There are also fics that have me grinning and commenting on what's happening outloud, but there isn't really that many questions popping up for me.
It's the delighted gasp and a "Bitch, you said WHAT? 8D".
It's the "Ohohohooooo this is going to h u r t".
It's the grimace or a snort of "You fucking bastard, I knew he was planning something."
With fics like that, I can sit still or do something that isn't too demanding attention wise.
It's relaxing. It's nice, it let's my usually very active and overwhelmed brain rest, WHILE ALSO giving me serotonin and the excitement/feels, but on a smaller scale.
With fics like this (especially one shots), I tend to leave shorter comments, because if I want to comment, but don' t have much to say, I'll still comment and tell what the fic made me feel.
"I liked/loved/really enjoyed this fic, it had me experience x"
Because I do like it! And so far almost every fic I read gets atleast one kudos because this stuff is so good and the authors are amazing.
I just don't have much to say at that moment. Or what I want to comment is missing something and feels too flat to me.
If I know I'll want to reread a fic, I usually bookmark it and write down some highlights/what I liked about it/make a comment of its own in the bookmark! Because looking at older bookmarks/bookmarks from a fandom you are no longer involved with can bring back quite the laughter... AND get you back into the fandom even!
Reading fics is supposed to be a thing you enjoy. If you are starting to dread it because you feel obligated to say something, hey.
Take a step back for a while. This kind of fear happened to me at some point when I was younger, especially when I started interacting with active content creators. They appreciate comments and those comments help so much when an obstacle presents itself and it seems like abandoning a story will be it. Comments and encouragment bring back the fire and joy of writing.
There is a comment I have yet to reply to, that's been sitting in my Ao3 inbox for 160 days (ALMOST 6 MONTHS, MOCA, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND REPLY ALREADY!).
It's from an author who really wasn't feeling motivated and the comment brought them such joy and excitement!
Why is it taking me so long to reply?
I never expect/wait for a reply from authors. ESPECIALLY not if it's a fic that's older (there are some amazing fics that were posted in 2013!!! Who knows if the author is still active in the fandom!*), or if it's an ongoing one that gets alot of comments. In the second case, it's because the author is already writing the fic, editing said fic and uploading it, could also be working on a bunch of different fics (because writting inspiration strikes at the weirdest of moments and as someone who has around 4fic ideas happening simultaniously, people who ACTUALLY WRITE THEM? Kudos. You are amazing.), not to mention most fic authors do this in their free time. So there's also their jobs, social circle outside the internet, on the internet and the amount of energy they have for social interaction with strangers online. Who am I to expect a reply to that behemot of a comment I left on their fic? If it made them happy, great! If it made them go "woah, that's alot of words" *shrugs*, eh. I am a rambler, it's what I do, if they like it they like it, if they don't they don't. Not much i can do about that, though I did leave a note on my ao3 profile that they can contact me if long comments/ramblings annoy them, so I can stay off their comment section and scream about my love for their works somewhere else. Noone has asked me to stop as of yet, but I like to offer just in case.
Most of my comments are actually posted as if I was at cafe or a restaurant, and was offered the Book of Complaints, Suggestions and Compliments/Thanks.
Complaints? I don't have complaints to leave, because it's my decision on what content I consume, and if I don't like it, I can always search for something else.
And if I didn't read the tags? Well, that's on me. That's like ordering a new dish when you have a food allergy, not reading the provided and highlighted allergen notes and warning, and then screaming at the staff when your food arrives. It's not THEIR job to know what kind of allergies their customers have. It's the customers.
Suggestions? Is the author asking for those? If not, no suggestions from me! If they do ask, and I don't have an answer I usually take some time to see if I have anything to offer.
Compliments/Thanks. That is the thing I love and what I click the comment box for. If a fic made me FEEL something, I will let the author know.
Do you know how amazing it is to read a fic and sit staring off into space after you finish it because "woah... that. That made me feel so much at once that I can't even name it." ?
When you read a crackfic, and keep snickering and chuckling, before you finally burst out in laughter or wheezing or snorting with tears in the corners of your eyes because "OH THIS GOLD, I haven't laughed like this in a while!" ?
When you read angst that tugs at your heartstrings and causes actual tears to run down your face and feel the anguish the characters feel?
When you read angst, but the story has a happy ending? Any you get to see the characters claw their way towards it, and actually reach it?
When you read hurt/comfort and there is that gentle care and love and safety that makes your heart melt?
When you read a fic that feels like sitting by a window with a cup of warm coffee while relaxing music plays? (this last one is becoming my favourite of them all and is actually the one I struggle to comment on the most.)
There is such a variety of works out there! So many talented and amazing writers, with their AUs and a billion different ways of writing!
3. I am a very forgetful person, who has to check her inbox more often. Plain and simple. Nothing more to it.
4. Some of these authors write back such lovely comments that make me smile everytime I open my inbox. I think I might make a scrapbook of some sort, to keep track of them, because getting the feedback of "HEY YOUR COMMENT MADE ME HAPPY/EXCITED!" or "I really appreciated this comment, thank you." makes me smile. ^u^
Seriously fic authors are amazing, and this is why "Kudos to them." has become a thing I say irl as well, and in any conversation where someone creating a thing is brought up. I may not know or have a strong opinion on the stuff someone enjoys creating, or have nothing to really say, so "Woah, Kudos to them." is my way of saying "I admire their work (but don't have anything else to say about it)."
Learning it means Glory? Hell yes, those works are worthy of praise,and the authors really are glorious.
So here's where that lovely button comes in.
Kudos
I use the kudos button both when I have a comment to write and when I don't. I spam that button when I like something so much words fail me, and I click it when a fic reads like I have just finished a cup of coffee.
If I use the cafe/restaurant thing I talked about before as an example, leaving a kudos, to me, is like giving a smile or replying to the waiter with "It was great." when they asked if you enjoyed it.
I enjoyed it, but I don't have anything else to say.
Maybe it was just an interesting read, even if not to my usual tastes. It might get a kudos.
And if I read something that I thought I would like but it turned out I didn't like it or I felt meh abput it?
Well, *shrugs* well.
I don't have anything nice to say, and I probably won't read stuff from that author. There are others who will and others who will leave a kudos.
I don't think much about it because I read fics for fun.
I ramble about them because I am having fun and finally know I can share my experience with others.
You guys have probably seen the "Holy shit two cakes!" comic, which was originally about how artists/writers feel bad when creating something with a concept that many other more skilled creators used.
I remember that comic at some point also being used to explain that "It really sucks when you bake a cake, but noone wants to eat it."
I can't speak as a writer, because I don't post the fics I daydream about (yet! I don't post them yet!), but here's a little thing my daydreamer self likes to think.
I baked my cake, and I can eat it too, but I hope the cafe I frequent has something similar too.
Translated?
I wanted to read a fic like this, I made a fic with the idea I wanted, I enjoyed the process and the result, but I sure do hope someone else also makes a similar fic in the future.
I do however mostly daydream my fic ideas. So again. These are just my thoughts on the whole thing that is Comment > Kudos/Like > Reading > Not Reading
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