#not me meta

[chickenstrangers]

Not Me: It's About Earrings

Earrings in Not Me represent identity and transformation. The scene where Black takes back his earrings is one of my favorite scenes of the show (ignoring the continuity editing errors where Black puts in one earring like 4 times). I made this set a while ago but I still have thoughts about Not Me that I want to write down.

The earrings are a marker of identity, and a way to recognize that identity, not only with White's earrings (or Black's, as the case may be) but Sean's as well.

White's transformation process highlights the earrings. He physically alters his body in multiple ways in order to become like Black. The most permanent alteration is of course the tattoo, but the earrings are also important, especially in their lack of permanency. We see the piercing, the grimace on White's face, the discomfort of having to take on this new identity.

When White is living a double life, going between the gang and dinner with his father, we see him taking out the earrings himself, shedding Black's identity. This time it is voluntary, White can separate these two sides of himself, because he has not fully become someone else yet. It is still an act.

But the earrings are not just about White and Black, they also play an important role in Sean and White's relationship. When Sean tells White about his dad, White reaches out to him, to comfort him, and starts gently playing with Sean's earring. This is the first time, really, that White is seeing Sean, the culmination of the flag scene. Seeing who Sean is, the soft vulnerable core of him that he tries to protect with brashness and animosity. Then there is the tent scene. And at this point it doesn't matter who White is pretending to be, and Sean has started to suspect something has changed. What matters is who White really is.

And right as White has begun to settle into this new identity, one that is not just a copy of the one he stole from Black, when he's realizing how he has himself been transformed by these experiences, Black wakes up and takes everything back.

The tattoo is permanent, it will stay on White's skin forever unless he gets it removed, but then it might still scar or leave something behind. It shows the lengths he went to to become his twin. But while White was pretending, he himself changed significantly, his worldview, his goals, his community. While the tattoos and earrings and contacts are a disguise, they are also a part of the person he has become. The tattoo is something that Black cannot take from White, it is etched in his skin. But he can take the earrings.

White looks so incredibly forlorn during the conversation with Black. Especially once Black takes out the earrings, he seems naked without them. He looks so young, like a kid playing dress up but now the costume is off.

Black's movements are detached, uncaring, calm, but it feels as if he's ripping out the earrings, taking back his identity by force. And of course White does not stop him. Cannot stop him. That was not his identity to start with. He was borrowing it, and so the return was inevitable. Black takes out the earrings and immediately puts them in his own ears.

But the meaning of the earrings has changed. Unlike the tattoo, which is a copy, a recreation, the earrings are material, they are Black's earrings. But they're not just Black's anymore. White is different than he was before, and now, bereft of the earrings, he must grapple with who he is now.

Thanks to @ranchthoughts and our regular discussions on this subject.

#anyway as I'm always saying #not me is about ears #i'm pretty sure i think about this topic a normal amount #not me the series #nmrewatch23 #not me #not me meta #thinking thoughts #tuserrowan #for my hopefully slightly more coherent than normal thoughts on the subject if its of interest #sometimes the gifset is the meta and sometimes i have more to say

[emotionallychargedtowel]

A Conversation with My Twin About Not Me and Twinship

My twin sister @porridgefeast and I had a discussion over chat about our thoughts on Not Me and how it handled issues of twinship. This is a transcript of our conversation. It's been tidied up a bit and we left out some personal tangents and stuff, but it's still a chat transcript, so there's crosstalk and stuff. I've added some explanatory notes using asterisks here and there. Our tumblr handles have been shortened and color-coded for ease of reading.

This is long! If you don't have the setting enabled where long posts get shortened in your feed, you might be scrolling for a while.

Porridge and I have both done a lot of thinking and had a lot of discussions about twinship over the years, including the portrayal of twins in media. I'm also a mother of twins, which gives me another perspective on this stuff. We're both avid BL watchers but Porridge is more knowledgeable about Thai BL than I am.

emotionallychargedtowel (“towel”) I think I have a pretty good starting question. To what extent is Not Me a singleton* fantasy about twinship vs. an actual portrayal of twinship? What are the most authentic-seeming bits?

*a singleton is a person who was born from a single pregnancy, i.e., someone who isn't a twin, triplet, etc.

porridgefeast (“porridge”) There are definitely aspects that are the bedrock of the story that are singleton fantasy, no question.

towel Personally I think a lot of it is more along the lines of a singleton fantasy but I was surprised by some moments that touched on twin stuff that seldom gets talked about in media.

porridge Much of the time I don't care to scratch below the surface too much on this sort of thing, because I liked that I enjoyed the experience of watching the show. But if I were actively interrogating the show I would have one major question.

towel You know, I was thinking about the whole thing where twinship intersects with romantic and/or sexual relationships in this show, and I realized that when I was thinking about that before it was all about Sean but I was forgetting about Black's girlfriend

porridge And that would be: in Not Me universe, do all twins have psychic connections? Or just some? Or just White & Black?

towel That's a good question. At the very least it doesn't seem like something non-twins are aware of. I guess if it was universal, maybe they would.

porridge Also, I'm guessing they don't have the connection *because of* the earlier near-drowning. Because their parents say something after that along the lines of “We can't let this keep happening.” IIRC

towel I'd have to circle back but I think there was supposed to be some precedent for it before the near-drowning incident. Right!

porridge Is it because they're extra close? Because their parents suck? It just seems like it could be an interesting area to explore. Like, for the show to have explored.

towel That's a good question. My guess is that the show would say that's just their magical connection, but who knows?

One thing that I think appeals to singletons about the psychic twins trope

porridge I think the incredibly vague implication is "because special."

towel If on some level they're thinking of twins as two halves of one person, then it makes intuitive sense that they would be able to communicate their thoughts and feelings. It's sort of like two people with one brain. Like, the fantasy of two people who are separate but also not works better if they communicate their feelings/thoughts.

porridge Yeah, I think twins seem interesting to singletons because they're paradoxical to them—two people who are kind of one person and kind of not.

towel But also it's a fantasy, though not always a pleasant one. A fantasy of oneness but also a fantasy of the horror of...I guess you could say losing one's individuality.

porridge Yeah, it can feel like singletons think twins are exotic but also kind of gross.

towel Oh, definitely. It's funny because it's related to a real struggle that twins have but singletons don't get it at all.

porridge Occasionally it feels like they feel superior. And it's like uh what? Because you're an individual? Guess what, me too.

towel Yeah, I think that's true.

porridge You're just as much a slave to your genetics as I am, bub.

towel Right!

porridge Like, singletons don't have anything I don't have except for a lack of, like, people acting confused at them.

towel I always think about that girl who told me how much she'd always wanted a twin in high school. “Someone just like me, who I'd have everything in common with. We'd never fight.”

porridge Hopefully that person eventually grew up and became less of a goober.

towel Ridiculous but I appreciate that she was so lacking in the filter department that she voiced what I think plenty of singletons think on some level/at some times.

porridge That's one thing about singletons' thoughts about twinship. I get that they haven't examined a lot of their assumptions and of course I can relate to that when it comes to other things in my own life. But you just want to go “Stop. Think about it for literally ten seconds.”

towel So often they clearly haven't. Like that person who asked when my birthday was and then asked when yours was. And was then like, “Wow, what a coincidence!” when I said they were the same. (They figured it out but it took, like, a minute or two)

porridge I think when some singletons put themselves in twins' shoes, they don't put *themselves* in our shoes. They put some imaginary magical twin version of themselves in our shoes.

towel Definitely.

Well, it tends to be really polarized. Either being a twin is this lovely sense of communion with another human being or it's a terrifying thing where someone is going to steal your life

And then there are the times they don't put themselves in our shoes and just find us scary.

porridge I often prefer media depictions of the latter simply because I want so badly to correct for the former. Oh for sure. This is part of why I like that movie Adaptation so much.

towel Though that brings up something that happens in Not Me as well, one singleton actor playing twin characters.

That's something at least. There's a part of me that wants to say, “No more singletons playing twins. Get some danged twins. Or make them fraternal.”

porridge To go back to your question a little. I think the elevator pitch and general concept is a singleton fantasy, but at least some elements of the actual events are more like reality. It felt like somebody actually bothered to think through what that would be like.

towel Yeah, same here.

porridge Like, as I said when I wrote about it, the part where White is like Black won't come back, he's let me have my place in this group and we both know we can't both be part of it.

towel Yeah, there's that quote, “Nobody wants to live in another person's shadow” or something to that effect. I find it both sort of insightful and ridiculous at the same time. Like “everybody knows two twins can't both be in the same activist cell.” Uh, no.

But yeah, sometimes it seems like you can't be in the same space or group in certain ways

porridge Yeah that's not true. It's just that White now has closer relationships with each of those people.

towel And it may be true, though it's almost never entirely clear.

porridge It's not impossible for twins to be part of the same close group, but it's not always easy either. And that's partly because of the people around them.

towel And it depends so much on circumstances. Yes! And the other people involved.

[conversation ensues about people from school trying to get Porridge to make Towel talk less in class]

towel I was thinking about how polarized White and Black are. To me that's a bit of a red flag, when twins are even sort of opposites. And it's not true that White is perfect or that Black is evil but White is mostly right about things, mostly nice, occasionally cranky but that's about it, and Black is very hostile, clearly not in a great mental health place, etc.

They're closer to being all good and all bad than I'd like

porridge Yeah, I may have let that go partly because it wasn't quite as bad as I might have feared. But it's not ideal either.

towel It definitely could be worse. But it reminded me of the "which one are you" thing, which you certainly remember but I'm going to lay it out here for posterity.

"Are you the smart one or the [ableist word for unintelligent] one?" "Are you the nice one or the mean one?" and so forth. I used to blame the Sweet Valley High books and they certainly didn't help, but the twins-as-opposites thing is everywhere.

porridge Being at summer camp and me being "the brave one." I'm not sure what that made you exactly? If the description were correct it would have been "the homesick one," but there wasn't enough subtlety for that. Really it was the one who cries and the one who doesn't cry even when kicked by a horse. But that second part was just because in the fight/flight/freeze department, I'm a freezer.

towel Same, usually. I've tried to figure out why that is so appealing to singletons. My best guess is that maybe they like the idea of splitting a person into good and bad and then running the bad half out of town, so to speak.

It's a bit like that Buffy episode, actually. The Replacement. [There's a monster/wizard dude who wants to turn Buffy into a strong half and a weak half so he can kill the weak half and get rid of her entirely, but he hits Xander with his magic beam thingy instead.] It's worth noting that that's one of the only examples I can think of where instead of having one actor play twins they had Nicholas Brendon's twin brother play his double. I mean, it's one of the only examples I can think of where they had twins play a person and their double.

porridge There's arguably a whole separate treatise to write about the doppelganger concept and why it's compelling.

towel Yep

porridge For whatever reason I don't feel able to touch on it briefly, I can only go full tangent or kind of wave in its general direction.

towel I'm OK with either. I mean, a big part of the doppelganger thing is the fear that if someone resembles you they'll be able to take your entire life away from you.

porridge It's one of those things that has some perceptions-of-twins mixed up in it, but seems more about identity from the POV of singletons than anything else.

Yep. And that's the entire crux of that Buffy episode.

towel I do think their assumptions inform the doppelganger thing and twin stuff in a similar way.

porridge Yeah, it's from the point of view of singletons, thrilling themselves with fear that a nefarious twin could appear.

towel There's also the whole question of, like, if people met your double and did know it wasn't you, what would they be perceiving? How would that work? Do people have some kind of essence to them that we can distinguish?

I mean, obviously in reality the difference would be that person's behavior. And that comes up in Not Me.

porridge Seems like a lost opportunity that AFAIK nobody's ever made a body-snatcher film where a twin is a plot point.

But like I said when I wrote about the show,* as twins we know that people would just think the person they know is being weird for a very long time before they would go to a twin as an explanation. At least if those twins look as much alike as White & Black do.

*Check out the older post Porridge is talking about here.

towel Yeah, that's true. I think if Sean had figured it out sooner that would have really bothered me, for that exact reason.

porridge I mean, I say this as somebody who took ages to realize a friend was psychotic because I was convinced he was just really mad at me for a few months.

towel That's just human nature, though. We keep using the heuristics that worked for us for a long time. And most of the time that's the right thing to do.

porridge All I needed was for somebody to say "So [friend], do you think maybe..." without finishing the question before I was like yes. Shit!

towel When Sean asked if Black had a twin brother, a part of me felt kind of impressed that he figured it out. I can't decide if it's actually realistic or not. Like, would it ever occur to me, if someone started acting really different, that they might have a secret twin?

porridge Even then it was partly because of something somebody else said.*

*Porridge thought she remembered something to this effect, but so far neither of us has been able to track down the quote she remembered, or thought she remembered. But neither of us has fully rewatched Not Me since this discussion, so maybe it's there and we just didn't find it.

towel Still, it's either that Sean was really astute there, to a potentially unrealistic degree, or he had a theory that would have been incredibly dopey except that it happened to be true. I guess it's kind of both? He was astute and the theory would be dopey most of the time.*

*Since this conversation, I (Towel) have had some more thoughts about this that I'll put in another post soon.

porridge I guess that's one area where the implausibility sort of cycles back to making the plot make sense.

towel Heh, right.

porridge It makes more sense that he figured it out because they are so different. That's kind of a fantasy too. Like, "the person who loves me would definitely know if I wasn't me."

That reminds me of something I could ask you.

Wondering if you had a similar reaction to something. When Sean finds White (out of his Black drag), I had an unexpected rush of emotion. I was glad they were going to talk (presumably) with the twin stuff out in the open but it wasn't just that. I almost didn't care about Sean, but the fact that he was seeing White-as-White made it more real that yeah, this is actually White. White is getting to be himself now. It was like gender euphoria I guess only it was individuality euphoria.

towel That's interesting. I think I might try to peek at that scene real quick if that's OK.

porridge I think it was also because prior to that we'd only seen Black for a while.

towel I think I'm almost at the right spot but in the meantime, the recap for the part I pulled up included the whole denying he's a twin thing ("Twin, my ass!") immediately followed by "Stop messing with my little brother!"

Omg, Black's bitchy face when he throws the handcuff key away.

I don't identify with Black a whole lot and he's honestly a bit incoherent as a character, like somebody's pushing faders up and down with his various traits depending on what they need to have happen plotwise. But even though I don't want him to keep White away from Sean & the others I still kinda feel for him there.

That's pretty true. Well, I think they're kind of deciding if he needs to be the opposite right now or if he needs to be someone who cares for White and/or their cause.

porridge Bit of a damn right moment.

towel Yeah, there are a few relatable things there.

Being protective of your twin is real, of course. And he doesn't like Sean and probably has seen a really bad side of him because of how contentious their relationship is. There's also an element of feeling jealous and/or threatened by your twin's romantic relationships, which I found was more of a thing when we were younger. It's something that's pretty embarrassing so it's hard to talk about and I think often gets swept under the rug, but it's real and it's understandable. I wonder if there's a homophobia and/or gender role thing going on there. Like, does Black perceive White as being in a more vulnerable or feminine position in his relationship with Sean and if so does that seem more like Sean is taking advantage of him somehow?

porridge Could be. We know from earlier events that Black is very protective of White.

I don't feel strongly that I know the motivation there.

But I could make one argument for a possible interpretation. It could be that Black wants to protect White from Sean because he doesn't like Sean, but mostly he wants to protect White from their radical activities, keep him away from lawbreaking and risks.

towel It's kind of perfect that when Sean finds White-not-dressed-up-as-Black he not only has his glasses on (which seem to symbolize White being White for a lot of the remainder of the show) but a white t-shirt, something that gets dirty easily and wouldn't hold up well in Black's style of life.

porridge And he could resent Sean that much more as a result for keeping White tied to them in another way.

towel That's true.

porridge That interpretation is sort of optimistic in the sense of giving the writers a lot of credit. But I think it's plausible.

Even if Black isn't consciously homophobic, there's a subtler kind of gender thing / homophobia-lite factor that could be in play. Where that person suddenly seems more vulnerable than if they were with a girl.

towel Yeah, I think so. And I think they may seem more vulnerable than if they were perceived as being "the man" in that relationship

porridge And he's smaller, etc. He's new to the group and to their risk-taking, etc. Bunch of things connect. But of course the gender piece isn't rational or correct. It's just the sort of residue of homophobia that gets in people's brains.

towel I'm trying to remember that meme or whatever it is. About the horror of being known versus...well, the appeal of things that require that you are known

That meme is what came to mind watching this scene where Sean meets White as himself.

porridge One more thing about that scene. I also liked how relieved Sean seems when he learns White's name. That seemed meaningful. No idea how much of that is me looking through my twin lens.

towel I guess it's "the mortifying ordeal of being known." I think White is very much having the mortifying ordeal in that scene. I just went back to the scene and that's where I was, at the point where Sean asks White his name.

It's a remarkable thing to have fallen in love with a person and not to know their real name but you can imagine how much you would want to know.

[discussion of doctoral program practica and names]

porridge Yeah. Watching back a little and a big part of Sean's epiphany is that Black doesn't catch him in a trust fall. Just looks at him like he's an idiot. A big part at that moment; it's clearly a test so he already suspects.

towel Good point. It's remarkable that after Black has already behaved this way he still does that trust fall without holding back.

I thought it was interesting when they had White think, in voiceover, that he was surprised that he could feel so close to Sean, that he thought he could only feel that close to his twin. I go back and forth on what I think about that. I'm not super fond of the comparison because it's such a different type of connection. But I guess I can relate to it in some ways. Especially when you're young, it can be surprising when anyone can be close to you in a way that's even sort of comparable to your twin. Okey doke. How about a silly question to mull over?

porridge Yeah sure

towel If we were in a world that operated under Not Me universe rules

Who would I have to sleep with to make you wake up from a coma? I tried to think of a real [porridge] nemesis and the only person who came to mind was someone who used to work in your office whose name starts with a [letter].

porridge HA

towel I wouldn't go near her with a ten-foot pole except maybe if it would bring you back to life. Works for me!

[Porridge’s answer is somebody she was very close to at one time who she then had a sort of friend breakup with. then we talk about emotionally unavailable people and those who are attracted to them.]

Lemme see here. I was trying to remember what happened with White and Eugene. I spaced out a little at that part and I wonder if it's because I was getting pretty uncomfortable with the idea of White pretending to be Black with Eugene. I think they kissed? And I was like, please get out of this situation. But I think I spaced out on the show in an avoidant way at that point because I can't remember if anything else happened between them or if he got away and if so, how.

porridge He actually drugs her which is not great...

towel Gracious

porridge He's in a position where he's trying to avoid a lot of things while trying to get some information from her about what happened to Black, and he doesn't do anything to her while she's knocked out. But it's not an okay thing to do by any means.

towel I was going to look up the Eugene scene and I went to the window where I had been watching the episode 12 part where Sean sees White as White, and there was an interesting line. Sean said he had had a feeling because Black seemed so different, and White said, "Your feeling was pretty slow!" Kind of resentful that it took him as long as it did, even though at the time he wouldn't have wanted him to figure it out.

porridge If you read between the lines / fill in some blanks yourself you could say that while we saw White being generally relieved the others didn't work out that he's not Black, he wasn't always completely happy about it and about pretending. The more involved he becomes, and certainly the more he cares about Sean and is invested in something between them.

His feelings aren't made apparent after that initial relief.

towel Do you think White kind of gets a bit softer after Black comes back? Like, that he seems to become more of a contrast to Black? Maybe it just seems a bit like that to me because of the contrast. Black coming back also just leads to some emotional scenes, so we see more of Sean doing things like crying as well.

I'm going to mention something for later because I'm scared of forgetting: there were a few times when Black and White broke some "twin rules" I have for myself and I was like, "you can't do that!" but the biggest one was White getting Black's tattoos. They show his arm getting tattooed during the opening credits and every time I'd see it I would cringe so hard. You can't get the same tattoo as your twin unless you get intentional bro tats!

Of course then I found myself thinking about how much harder it would be for me to simulate your tattoos. Not just because there are more of them but because they're much more complex. And I think one might be in the same spot as one of mine?

porridge That to me is so kinda preposterous to begin with that I didn't get to the point where I was like "that's not allowed." A new tattoo doesn't look like an older tattoo so unless Black got his a month ago it's ridiculous.

But I agree, that's against the rules.

towel Oh gosh, I couldn't stop thinking about how his tattoo and the piercings weren't going to look right because they were still healing

In a way, the next day the tattoo might look more correct than it would a week later when you get that layer of skin falling off

porridge To return to your earlier point, it's confusing because if White seems a bit gentler and softer, is that the comparison? Is it an intentional choice among the filmmakers and Gun to contrast them? Did White maybe relax in his efforts to seem like Black once he felt accepted?

Also, maybe White is occasionally grumpy and seems more Black-ish and that has factored in at some points.

It would help if Black were a more nuanced character, though he is SOMETIMES nuanced.

towel I feel like those are all possible. Some of it is just the comparison and the events of the story at the time, but I also think that the writers/director were probably playing up the differences at least to some extent. And as you point out, Gun probably was too.

I feel like Black has the most depth when it comes to Eugene, but it's fleeting and not that nuanced.

porridge Having had an ear piercing since I first saw the show, I feel more like the piercings are plausible because he doesn't change posts. In the case of those, the main thing that would be visible would be some swelling for the first week or two and the gang likely wouldn't notice that.

I'm not sure whether Black has more depth with Eugene or if she's tied with White and Todd for interactions with actual feelings.

Black's Todd-related emotions include a lot of anger and rage, but in a way IMO where you can tell Black has actually let Todd into his world and has confided in him in a way he may not have done with the gang or others in his life. Maybe because they go back so far.

towel That's true. You can see why people ship Black and Todd, write fic about them, etc. I mean, I don't think there's actually something going on there in the show but he feels more strongly about Todd than almost anyone. He shows more emotion interacting with Todd than he does interacting with White.

porridge It feels like he's guarded with White partly out of protectiveness, though it's also clear that he's not eager to open up to White hugely. He cares about White but he really just wants White to do what he says, and hearing more about White's feelings and thoughts won't help with that.

towel Anytime one twin feels responsible for their twin's safety, it's bound to have some big downsides when it comes to their abilities to be emotionally authentic with each other. That's what I associate with it, anyway

porridge And they've been apart, but Black has maintained his childhood scheme for their relationship.

towel Because the person protecting is overloaded (they aren't supposed to have to take on this responsibility) so they're bound to be reactive to the protectee being distressed.

porridge As a protective twin and kinda parentified caregiver toward my twin (at some times in some ways), I didn't want to boss you around but when I felt you were in danger it was incredibly difficult not to feel like I could do anything about it.

towel I know that must be a feeling that comes up a lot--like, the horrible powerless feeling when someone you love is in an abusive relationship.* But I'm sure there are unique aspects of it and a lot of intensity when it's your twin..

I was looking for some other parts of the show to comment on and I found when White sees Black for the first time and I thought it was interesting that he says that unlike all the times he imagined this moment, it's "surprisingly frightening" (I think that was the wording. I find it remarkable that he says it's "like seeing my doppelganger." Because Black isn't the doppelganger. White is! "I stole my brother's entire life and he wanted it back. Such a doppelganger.")

*I (Towel) was in an abusive relationship for most of my 20s. Naturally, this was really hard for Porridge.

porridge You're right, but that experience (as I imagine it, having not gone more than like 9 months without seeing my own twin) would be uncanny to anybody in a way where you would lose all perspective about like recent events.

towel That's true. I guess I feel like the narrative kind of lets White off for his actions a little too much. I mean, his replacing-Black actions. There's very little time spent on the fact that Black doesn't like that he did that and it's not like he had his consent. His motivation to protect his brother matters but it doesn't negate everything completely. And of course Todd is nudging him along the whole way because it's in his interest for the anti-Tawi stuff to continue.

porridge I get what you're saying but I don't think that’s in service of making White out to be so perfect, I think it's more about keeping the narrative clean. There's a hypothetical version of the show that uses that to interesting ends.

towel I guess it just seems kind of lazy to me, or convenient

porridge And Black does tell White that the others won't want him around once they discover he's been lying to them. And White thinks (voiceovers) the same about Sean specifically.

towel I'm probably more interested in those implications because I'm actually a twin.

It's kind of wild how readily they're okay with it, the group, I mean. Maybe people are more likely to forgive that sort of thing if your twin is a huge butthole.

porridge If I wanted to explain that I would say that on some level they already knew.

towel I was wondering what you thought about the whole separating twins as children thing. I'll explain just a bit.

You pointed out that it doesn't really make sense for White's and Black's parents to think that separating them is going to change their psychic connection and I agree. There's no justification for that. But it reminded me of other ideas about how somehow twins being "too" close is going to be bad for them. I forget if I sent you a link to that recent article* but I remember I definitely shared a passage from it. This woman is kind of musing about her relationship with her twin and some of it is kind of self-indulgent but there are some good bits, and my favorite is where she talks about separation.

She talks about this case where an adoption agency separated a bunch of twins and adopted them out to families, never telling the families or the kids that they had twins. And there was a researcher kind of in cahoots with them who interviewed the families and the kids over the years to observe them, looking at the twinship angle but pretending it was for other purposes. It's all incredibly unethical.

But the justification was that being dependent on one another is unhealthy so twins are better off apart.

I wonder if that's part of what singletons find scary about twins. Maybe it would be better to say it’s a thing that scares them when they see it (or think they see it) in twins. And that's dependency, or more accurately, interdependence. Of course, that's kind of a culture-bound reaction. But in an individualistic culture like we have in the U.S., being sort of born into an interdependent relationship could seem horrifying.

*The article I'm referencing here is Giving Away My Twin by Jean Garnett, which came out on 7/10/23 in the New Yorker

porridge That's horrible. Would be even if they were non-twin siblings.

towel Yeah. Some of the saddest examples were from a book by Anna Freud's partner* talking about kids she observed when they ran a place for kids who were sent out of London during the Blitz.

*Anna Freud's partner's name was Dorothy Burlingham and her book was called Twins: A Study of Three Pairs of Identical Twins with 30 Charts

porridge The thing is, and I'm not saying there isn't any closeness kind of inherent to twinship. But yeah, any siblings can be closely dependent but when you add that to the appearance of twins people get wigged out.

Though I do know of kids being punished for being too close to their siblings, referred to negatively because of it, etc. Non-twin siblings.

towel I do think that being the same age increases the chances of being close or relying on one another.

porridge Yeah I don't discount that.

towel But yeah, it could happen at other ages and is totally penalized in some families.

porridge But I'm saying do the people outside that relationship perceive the additional closeness or do they just perceive closeness plus twin appearance

towel I do think that they overestimate it a lot based on twins looking similar.

But it gets kind of chicken-and-egg there, because part of what makes you closer is everyone treating you like you're a) weird, b) a unit with this other person, c) unbelievably similar to them, etc. Like, you know that closeness is expected, and you can get excluded by others because of their perceptions of your twinship.

Well, I was going to say that separating twins for no reason like that adoption agency is something I think most people would find disturbing. And separating twins the way White and Black were separated would probably seem like a bad idea to a lot of folks. But there are smaller examples of this that are really normalized. Like, I remember feeling really surprised, almost startled, when I found out that there's no empirical basis for [the idea that it’s] better for twins to be in different classes at school.

And I really think that became a convention because of that thing where twins being close--or just the prospect that they might be--freaks singletons out.

Maybe even more so when you're talking about adults who are considering a set of twin children. I know in our family of origin it was sometimes implied or even directly stated that our relationship somehow undermined the parents' authority.

And that's sad, because what you're talking about is children’s ability to provide each other comfort. Like, these are adults who basically resent that you have an ally who will make it harder to break your spirit.

porridge And you shouldn't be dependent on your children being ineffectual to parent.

towel Well, I think it's interesting how their separation is dealt with in the show. I'm tempted to go back and look at that part again, actually.

It's both treated as more and less of a big deal than I expected.

Like, it's not treated like it's nothing, which I think they could easily have done. But if they were going to acknowledge that it was painful, I wish they'd acknowledge it more.

At this point we got sidetracked and trailed off. Of course, this post is long enough as it is! That said, I do have some additional thoughts about Sean figuring out the twin thing, as I noted above. I'll be posting about that soon. And I wouldn't be surprised if Porridge and I end up having other thoughts about all of this down the road.

#not me the series #not me meta #twinship in BL #seanwhite #offgun #off jumpol #gun atthaphan #twins #twinship #twinship in media

[bunnakit]

Not Me Episode 1 Music

so i think this will be my consistent contribution to the rewatch event because the sound design in Not Me is one of my absolute favorite things about it. i won't be able to find every song (i tried for episode 1 and some are just impossible for me to suss out or i just lose patience) but i'll try to find some of the most memorable ones. (sorry its a little late, i spent 5 hours making bake me please gifs.)

Rivers Told Me Lies by Daniel Gunnarson

I've been searching in the dark Trusting every clue I've found

This song immediately throws us into the deep end. White has been searching for Black in his own way, in his uhh extended breath holding competitions in the bath, and he's trusted the clues that Black can no longer feel him through their 'connection.'

Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?

White has only just landed in Thailand after 10 years away from home and immediately his thoughts all circle to Black. The song cuts off before we can get to more of the lyrics but I think the general idea of the song conveys White's current emotional state, his longing for his brother, his desire to continue seeking him out, and if we want to make a biiiig stretch perhaps their parents are the 'River' that lies to them about their whereabouts.

What's Left Behind by Taylor Crane

This song plays when White arrives to the hospital. This is the first time White has seen Black (what has been left behind) in ten years. Another important note is 'What's Left Behind' is on the album 'Is It a Reflection,' and it must be like looking into a reflection for White - both physically and it's not a too much of a leap to imagine his emotional state likely feels like Black looks on the outside.

Tripping Over Danger by Craft Case

We hear this as soon as Todd launches into his explanation of Black's new gang of friends. You can either interpret this as a warning against the danger of Black's friend group or perhaps the fact that White is nearly very literally tripping over the hidden danger right in front of him.

Safeguard by Charles Holme

safeguard (noun) something that protects and gives safety

This song playing when Gram and White first enter the garage makes me a little emotional. (Shut up I know I'm a Gumpa simp but stick with me.) The garage is meant to be a safe place for the boys, a place where they are protected and secure. It's the home that unites them.

Trade a Moment (Instrumental) by Evening Traveler

Sean and White quite literally trade or share a moment as soon as this song plays. Sean grasps White by the back of the neck and pulls him close and there's some sort of connection there, some sort of energy that passes between them.

Climb On by Jay Denton

The oil fight. I don't really have much to say about it, but this is that upbeat slightly goofy song that breaks a lot of tension the show has been building up.

Along the Rivers by King Peaks

This plays in the beginning of the washing up scene when White is struggling to get the oil off of himself. I really don't think there's any deeper meaning to it other than perhaps the connection to water, but it's a song I pretty easily recognize so I figured I'd mention it.

that's all i have the energy for tonight, i have a raging headache and i'm fueled purely by pizza rolls, white claw, and herb but i hope this is at least something some of you will enjoy

#not me #not me the series #nmts #nmrewatch23 #music #soundtrack #seanwhite #bunn meta #not me meta

[theoryofarson]

Power Differentials Between Yok and Dan in Not Me

I found this old meta in my drafts and by god I was onto something...

This scene!!!!! 

This scene, down to its blocking, really underlines one of the crucial themes in DanYok’s relationship: the power differentials between the two men. Yok is seated, injured, and handcuffed, looking up at Dan; Dan is standing tall, armed, with a wall of backup. It emphasizes the enormous gap in mobility, authority, and capacity between them and the structural disadvantage Yok is under in this relationship. 

Of course, these differentials have been shaping their relationship all along. Yok knows, all along, that their relationship is formed on a basis of asymmetry. Dan is older, more socioeconomically secure, and a fucking COP, while yok is breaking the law to try to work against the system. 

Yet their relationship flourishes even in light of that asymmetry. Early on, the power difference is kind of fun, kind of sexy. Yok teases at it, asking Dan to ‘search his pockets, officer’; he feels charmed by it, hearing Dan say to his mom, ‘I’m not his friend, I’m his phi’.

With time, as Yok and Dan grow closer, the difference seems to become less and less important. Yok gains the privilege of seeing Dan bared, physically and metaphorically, while he is situated in a position of power - clothed, wielding the artist’s tool that will take Dan to pieces. There are moments when Yok is the stable one, the more mature and collected one providing an anchor for Dan. There are moments of reciprocal vulnerability: ‘You took me to see your mom. I want to take you to my parents’ house.’ 

I think part of why Yok plays up Dan’s position of relative advantage so much when they flirt is because he’s still, always, wary of it. He knows that he should feel more afraid than he does. He knows that the more trust he puts in Dan, the more risk he takes upon himself. But every moment with Dan makes him want to believe in that danger less and less. They see each other, really see each other as humans, and Yok can see that they are both equally fragile and equally in need of each other. 

In the end, though, it isn’t enough. Loving each other as equals isn’t enough. The power differences imposed upon them by society, the structure of imbalance that cages them in, wins out. Dan gets used by people with much more power than the both of them, yes, but he gets used via the relative power he holds over Yok and the gang. And we see that it breaks Yok, but it doesn’t surprise him. He had loved against all odds, but after all, he knew what the odds were.

#not me #not me series #danyok #not me meta #i wrote this after the episode with this scene #so it could be extended to deal with how their storyline gets resolved :-)

[lunaylin]

thinking about sean and episodes 10 and 11. how he went to Their spot to see who he thought was “black” (white) to tell him what he wanted from him for winning their bet - to ask him to be with him and stay by his side forever - and he’s met with the coldness of the real black, the black who was his sworn enemy in the gang before white showed up and started to change that.

he was filled with so much hope and excitement for the future, and had all of that dashed in a heartbeat when the real black, who saw them making out and probably has an idea at this point how much they mean to each other, kissed him and then spat on the ground.

he just wanted to be with this person who he thought had changed. who, one day a couple weeks ago, changed from this enemy to a kinder person who he started to really love. and through the confusion of his response, begging him to explain and trying to make sense of it, he gets told to never come close to him again and gets beaten until he drips blood from his mouth and his eye is swollen shut before the person who he thinks is the guy he loves rides away on his bike and leaves him there to suffer.

he’s not like the black that held him through his nightmares. not like the black that was so tender with him for this treasured time. and he just couldn’t understand why a switch flipped and the person he grew to love was back to hating him. he goes to namo in this state knowing she’s hurt because of him, but the person he would usually go to is the cause of his own pain. he vents out all of his feelings with her trying to just get through it.

and then episode eleven. the gang is trapped in a shootout and sean gets left behind, stuck in one place with the gunman closing in on him. out of nowhere the guy, that not even 24 hours before was beating him senseless, shuts off the lights and rescues him, risking his own life. he’s suddenly back to the black that sean loves. the black that cares. he can’t understand what’s happening and is even more confused when he wants to take sean to their special place in the abandoned building.

out of hurt, anger, and confusion he tries to get “black” to pull over and let him off. of course this black wouldn’t do that until both of them were safe, but as far as sean knows he could be taking him to beat him up again. or worse. “black” doesn’t understand what sean is talking about when he asks “why didn’t you let me get killed” and tells him “you told me to never come near you again,” but of course when sean is saying these things he can’t see “black”’s face so he just thinks he’s ignoring him. sean starts to fall from his hurt and anger back into his love and concern when “black” passes out while driving. he shields him from the concrete when they fall and is there until he wakes back up, asking if he’s okay.

he lets “black” lift him up from the ground and help him inside. once inside their secret hideout he asks “why are doing this to me” while “black” is taking care of him, bringing him water and telling him to take off his jacket so he can tend to his wound. he doesn’t want to open his heart back up to this person who changed suddenly just like the night before, just in case he’s being played again. he accepts help with his wound but refuses medicine all while asking why he’s doing this and saying that he’s confused. for all he knows this person in front of him tending to his wounds, saving his life, giving him water and medication to ease the pain, is the reason for his swollen and cut up face. he doesn’t understand how this person could be treating him both ways. “i don’t understand. i thought you were the right one, but now i feel like i don’t know you at all.”

“black” has to force feed him the pill twice before he accepts it and sean still asks him why he’s being so nice to him. after all this is the same person that put him in his initial state before the shootout isn’t it?

“black” lays him down in their tent, sean begging still for an explanation, not an apology. “you know what’s worse? whatever you say. i’m willing to do it for you, as long as you stay by my side.” this person hurt him in ways he’s never been hurt before. he beat his body but also ripped out his heart, spat on it, and shoved it back in his gaping chest. and now he’s acting like it never happened. being the guy he loved just 36 hours ago. and he can’t understand why he won’t give him an explanation

“i’m right next to you now.” it’s all “black” can offer. but like sean said, he’s willing to do whatever he says as long as he’s by his side. so he falls back into love again. hoping he doesn’t get hurt again but begging for “black” to still be the person who held him through his nightmares. and for now he is.

“black” gently wakes him up with a kiss and it’s like he’s waking up from a bad dream. they’re right back to their tent in episode nine. sean asks him to not leave him this time, but of course promises are made to be broken. for now though, he’s happy. he’s hurt. but he’s happy. and the next morning he wakes up and gets hurt all over again.

#GODDDDDD #sorry this is so long but i’ve been thinking about this since i watched the show for the first time #and i needed to word vomit #had to fight myself to not add whites perspective in but it has to be what sean is seeing that’s the whole point of this #i spent half an hour typing this out…. #corey.txt #not me #meta #not me meta #seanwhite

[i-got-the-feels]

This parallel.

White wanting to hold on to the guilt so that he remembers the choices and deceptions he had to do and though he hates he is lying - he is grateful to have met him. How he can't separate the guilt and gratefulness towards his love. Its saying that this quote is in a scene where they make love - one of the most intimate ways people communicate their affection.

Cut to later, Sean encouraging him to confess, telling him that he doesn't need to be guilty anymore, yes he was hurt by White's choices but understands why they were made. And now he has a choice to make, to hold on to the guilt and stay in a familiar space or to throw the guilt and take the risks of revealing his choices and loving Sean in open. And this being in a scene where they are planning with Dan - same man who killed his father, who is part of the system that they aim to abolish is essentially Sean saying - i have come out in the open and unfamiliar and I know I'll make it because I have you and everyone else, please trust me to do the same for you.

#not me the series #seanwhite #not me meta #asian lgbtq dramas #sean x white #character analysis #scene analysis #off jumpol #gun attaphan #gmmtv #gmmtv series

[syn0vial]

[Astarion] is a cat. He's a black cat. There's a stray that comes into my house called Red... and he's quite feral. It took me three years before I could pick him up and hold him. He's totally cool with me now. Three fucking years. He gave me a lot of inspiration about Astarion.

- Neil Newbon, on developing Astarion's physicality and mannerisms

#astarion #astarion meta #baldur's gate 3 #confirmed: astarion is a cat #makes me wonder if he did the mo-cap for the spicy scene with tav on the grave #bc i've seen so many people (quite accurately) remark that astarion's movements there make him look like a big cuddly cat lol #neil newbon

[pandasmagorica]

Not having enough luck with Off and Gun. Abandoned both Theory of Love and Cooking Crush almost from the beginning.

Too bad. They totally hit it out of the park with Not Me, my favorite QL series ever, and I'd love to see them again in something as deep.

Please GMMTV!

(Okay, loved Gun in Midnight Museum, so there's that. And Off in 10 Years Ticket. So not a total absence.)

#off jumpol #gun atthaphan #yaoi #thai ql #thai bl #pandasmagorica #not me meta #cooking crush meta #theory of love meta #not me series #cooking crush #theory of love #midnight museum meta #midnight museum series #midnight museum #10 years ticket meta #10 years ticket #10 years ticket series

[and-this-of-all-my-hopes]

So, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep seeing metas about how Aziraphale wants Crowley to return to Heaven and be an angel again because he wants them to be on the same side/be good/change/etc., etc., etc. but I don’t see that at all. I actually see it as the very opposite.

Aziraphale loves Crowley just as he is. But there’s something more. Something huge.

Aziraphale loves Crowley and because he is an angel who is stuck in seeing things as black and white, he constantly praises Crowley for being nice. For being good. For being kind.

Aziraphale has watched Crowley on and off for 6,000 years. He watched him thwart the plans of Heaven and Hell because it was unjust. He spared the lives of innocents. He did small things that made Aziraphale happy just because (like making Hamlet successful and saving valuable books). And because Aziraphale sees things in black and white, he sees all the things Crowley has done as nice, as good, as kind.

Crowley vehemently attests he’s not nice or good or kind.

He’s not exactly wrong nor is he lying when he says this. When Crowley spares goats during a cruel bet over a righteous man and swallowing laudanum to prevent a suicide, when he prevents Armageddon by working with Aziraphale and stopping the Anti-Christ from being the Anti-Christ, he’s not doing the nice/good/kind thing.

He’s doing the right thing.

Crowley chooses to do the right thing without hesitation. He is better than all of Heaven and Hell who have callous and dispassionate view of all existence because he questions, because he makes choices. Crowley sees the world for all its messiness and he sees himself. He sees a place where he fits in. He sees the blurred edges.

And Aziraphale sees that, even if seeing the blurred edges is hard for him.

But here’s the thing that Aziraphale can’t voice.

It’s the reason why he told Crowley about being allowed to return to Heaven and become an angel again. He doesn’t want Crowley to change. He doesn’t think Crowley is flawed. Or not enough.

It’s something that is so monumental that it cannot be put into words. Because to put it into words would be more than blasphemy. It’s down right unthinkable for anyone in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to say what Aziraphale knows deep in his soul.

God was wrong to cast out Crowley.

Aziraphale believes Crowley can/should return to Heaven because he knows that Crowley should never have fallen in the first place. He wants him to be forgiven because when Crowley fell it was unjust. Aziraphale is trying to correct a mistake. He’s trying to do the right thing.

Yes, Crowley would never accept returning to Heaven. And Aziraphale was wrong to even suggest it (although that conversation is another can of worms to unpack).

Aziraphale loves Crowley. He loves him exactly as he is. He doesn’t want him to change. Aziraphale knows that Crowley the best of all of them. He wants to change Heaven because of it. Because God was wrong and Aziraphale knows it.

Aziraphale may have difficulty seeing beyond black and white, but when it comes to Crowley he sees everything crystal clear and in vivid color.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #hold on to your butts #because here be outright blasphemy #aziraphale #crowley #neil gaiman #warning this post has been known to cause psychic damage #and in one instance a proposal of marriage #neil liked this post #whaaaaaaaaaaat #good omens spoilers #michael sheen #david tennant #ineffable husbands #tell me I’m wrong

[descendant-of-truth]

Shipping is fun and all but I swear every single time someone makes a comment, whether as a joke or in a legitimate analysis, about there being "no other explanation" for a pair's interactions, I lose just a bit more of my sanity

Like, no, you guys don't get it. Romance is not about the Amount of devotion, it's about the COLOR. the FLAVOR of it all. a character can be just as devoted to their platonic friend as they are to their romantic partner, and they don't love either of them more, just differently.

But because the majority of people still have it stuck in their minds that romance exists on the highest tier of love, I'm stuck seeing endless takes that boil down to "these two care about each other too much for it to NOT be romantic" as if that's the core determining factor to how literally any of this works

In conclusion: stop telling me that I don't understand the story if I don't interpret the leads as romantic, I am TIRED

#analysis #meta #miscellaneous #fandom #shipping #media discussion #amatonormativity #lgbtq #I feel like tagging any of the fandoms I was thinking of when writing this would be a little mean-spirited potentially #Disclaimer: no one has actually been telling me personally that I don't understand any story in particular #It's just that the way people tend to phrase their analyses feels unnecessarily targeted at the reader and that's just. not great #even if I agree with every other point they make

[that-house]

Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

#neon-grey-writing #potion vendor faq #my writing #very very very long post lol #click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me #i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023 #that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format

[o-wild-west-wind]

ofmd is like not comedy as in sitcom but comedy as in shakespearean where it’s psychological trauma and conflicts of violence but with dick jokes and the promise of marriage in the end

#girl help I’m thinking about genre again #this show has the part of me that was an English major for one semester in a chokehold #has anyone done this yet #ofmd #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd meta

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Y'know, there's this gripe I've had for years that really frustrates me, and it has to do with Love, Simon and people joking about it and calling it too-pg and designed-for-straight-people and all the like. (A similar thing has happened to Heartstopper, but that's another conversation.)

I saw Love, Simon in theaters when it came out my senior year in high school. I saw it three times, once with my friends/parents on opening night, once with my brother over spring break, and once with my grandparents.

On opening night, the air in the room was electric. It was palpable. Half the heads in there were dyed various colors. Queer kids were holding hands. We were all crying and laughing and cheering as a group. My friends grabbed my hands at the part where Simon was outed and didn't let go until his parents were saying that they accepted him. My friend came out to me as non-binary. Another person in our group admitted that she had feelings for girls. It was incredible. I left shaking. This was the first mainstream queer romance movie that had ever been produced by one of the main five studios, and I know that sounds like another "first queer character from Disney" bit but you have to understand that even in 2018 this was groundbreaking. Getting to have a sweet queer rom-com where the main character was told that he got "to breathe now" after coming out meant so much to me and my friends.

But also, from a designed-for-straight-people POV (which, to be frank, it was written by a bisexual author and directed by a gay man, this was not designed for straight audiences), why is it a bad thing that it appealed to the widest possible audience? That it could make my parents and grandparents see things in a new light? My stepdad wasn't at all interested in rom-coms but he saw it with me because it was something I cared about and he hugged me when we came out of the theater. My very Catholic grandparents watched it with me and though my grandpa said he still didn't quite understand the whole 'gay thing,' all he wanted was for me to be happy and to have a happy ending like Simon did. My Nana actually cried when Simon came out and squeeze my hand when his mother told him he could breathe.

And when Martin blackmailed Simon, my mom, badass ally that she is, literally hissed "Dropkick him. Dropkick him in the balls" leading to multiple queer kids in the audience to laugh or smile. Having my parents there- the only parents, by the way, out of my group of queer and questioning friends- made multiple people realize that supportive adults were out there. That parents like those in Love, Simon do exist in real life.

When people complain about Heartstopper not being realistic or Love, Simon being too cutesy, I remember seeing Love, Simon on opening night. I remember my friend coming out and my stepdad hugging me and my mom defending us through this character. I remember the cheers that went through the audience when Bram and Simon kissed and the chatter in the foyer after the movie was over and the way that this movie made me understand that happy endings do exist.

Queer kids need happy endings. Straight people need entry points to becoming allies. Both of these things can come together in beautiful ways. They can find out about more queer culture later, but for now, let them have this. Let them all have a glimpse at a better, happier world. Let them have queer joy.

#love simon #simon vs thsa #simon spier #spierfeld #bram greenfeld #my experiences #meta #the importance of queer joy #heartstopper #becky albertalli #my mom also watched rwrb with me last year when it premiered #and let me tell you that was interesting sitting in the room with her for an r-rated romance movie like that

[ulgapodatkowa]

I have so many thoughts but I at least want to address the "for the new unicorn" note. because first of all it's so incredibly gratifying for izzy to finally be accepted into a community. it was shown before that the crew cares for him in some way but it was the first time he really saw that. that he isn't useless and alone, that he still has a place on the ship. even more so the crew WANTS HIM to be on the ship. and also that they want him to embrace his disability which doesn't make them think any less of him.

but also the choice of words. because inherently it rings queer, unicorn as a symbol of queerness. and even if it may have a negative sound when you use it differently here it is extremely positive. izzy is not only accepted to the crew, he's also accepted to the queer community, to the family. the unicorn on the revenge was also the one that was leading the ship, so one can argue that they want him to take that role in their dynamic.

and you can see that he does so immediately. he puts himself together and starts helping the crew. he's still bitchy but no longer violent and cruel. he helps stede and lucius immensely because that is what he does now. he's part of the family. twat.

#ofmd #also don't talk to me about the shark or the cigarette scenes. i need 3-5 business days to recover #our flag means death #izzy hands #once again feral bc of con o'neill's acting choices #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta

[actual-changeling]

So, I was rewatching the kiss scene frame-by-frame, as one does, and I realized something. First I thought, well, Alex, you probably saw that wrong, let’s keep going. A minute later, however, I was confronted with the reality of no, not mistaken. 

Maybe I am late to the party and everyone has already seen it and knows about it, but in case there are people that haven’t: Aziraphale not only puts his hand on Crowley’s back, he puts his left one on his waist BEFORE that.

Not just that, he slides it up and also uses it as leverage to pull Crowley closer. I could go through those few seconds one frame at a time, but that would take forever, so I will give you the highlights in chronological order.

His hands flutter around at first and don’t settle anywhere, which is actually really useful since it shows us what the angle for that looks like.

Now, the next time his left hand moves up, look at the progression. It does not go down the same way as before. Instead, it moves inward and against Crowley’s waist. And it STAYS THERE right up until he moves both of his hands away.

Look at the angle!!!! Look at how it moves INWARD and towards Crowley instead of straight down like before.

Still moving towards Crowley with a slight downwards drift because he is aiming for his waist.

Now it is too low for us to see but I think it is very obvious where his hand has settled. Maybe I am going insane after only thinking about this show for almost a month straight. Maybe not. Call me crazy but the angle here is DIFFERENT. The second one very much looks like he is holding onto Crowley.

Aziraphale kisses back. Fully kisses back. Somehow, that wasn’t enough for Michael Sheen, no, he had to fully commit to it and *close his eyes* when he reciprocates, too. Look at this!!! The way his eyes flutter shut when Crowley first grabs him, then open, and then CLOSE AGAIN when he starts holding him in return. Kissing back with his eyes closed and his arms wrapped around him. The last picture is right before he moves his hand to his waist/the frame after the camera angle changes.

Anyone else losing it right now? No? Just me? That’s fine, although I most definitely am not. Fine, that is. Michael Sheen I’m sending you my fucking therapy bills.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #good omens meta #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #someone please tell me they see it too or i gotta up my antipsychotics #half joking lmao

[spn2006]

the fact that eric kripke isn't even christian really adds something to the way christianity is depicted on supernatural. because its really not about being christian at all, but about living in america, a country dominated by christianity, and having to decide for yourself how to handle that. faith is huge in supernatural, and the mythology of the show is very bible-centric, but notably, christ is never there. even sam, who starts out revering the angels, who once said he prays every night, doesn't actually call himself a christian or imply that he believes in jesus--the show is steeped in christianity and biblical lore and yet neither sam nor dean are christians. in fact, over and over again the church itself is depicted as a haunted house that sam and dean will only ever enter as strangers, as outsiders. priests, preachers, faith healers, chapels, crypts, etc. are all just iconography that create an intense sense of unease that sam and dean respond to instantly. as a jew, its very relatable. an essential part of living in america when you're not christian is that exact sense of unease, of knowing that the culture of your country has ensured that you'll get knocked over by christianity no matter where you go, that you'll see hundreds of people truly believing they're good people while doing awful things in the name of their god, and you have no choice but to confront that. kripke gets it

#i could actually write an essay about this #kripke is jewish and so is sera gamble #and when i rly think about it i think the show is very jewish #in that its a rejection of the christian interpretation of god and free will #its all about questioning what's put in front of you and i think that's a big part being jewish to me #anyway! #rambles #spn #supernatural #spn analysis #spn meta #faith #christianity #theology #kripke era #eric kripke #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #zachariah spn #uriel spn #anna milton #american gothic #fav #🔪