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luv-gukkie · 2 days

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★j𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 ★

pairing: yandere! min yoongi x f. reader

genre: fluff? || smut || non-idol au || yandere

summary: after a couple of months of just staring at the same four walls, you realize you do love yoongi as much as he loves you, or maybe you’re just trying to survive.

word count: +2.1k

tags/warnings: yoongi kidnaps reader, unprotected sex, yoongi is delusional asf...(a ‘bit’ crazy in the head), pregnancy, murder(s), stockholm syndrome, mentions of drugging, unconsensual touching, dom! yoongi, sub!reader, stalking, reader starts going crazy lowkey

notes: this is more like a small drabble for yoongi :) and its kinda written to show that the reader is losing her mind, sorry if it’s confusing!

༻❤︎︎ ★ ★ ❤︎︎༺

min yoongi was a man of a few words. he liked to relax his mind with his own devices; never one to say much with other people, even to himself. he was an introvert from the very start. his past relationships were always left in pieces; left with girls in tears while munching on tubs of ice cream left and right from such a lousy boyfriend who never cared about them. how he couldn't save their relationship from ruins, leaving it to dissolve with no worries at all for the future of what they could be. if he's honest, yoongi doesn't even know (or care to) how he managed to get women to go out with him. what he thought was just a couple of hookups was actually a relationship to some of his 'girlfriends'. maybe, he just couldn't understand women or maybe, just maybe, he was a sleazy ass who preferred to be by himself.

but, yoongi preferred to say that he loved his alone time more and wasn't prepared for a full-time relationship. the peace that he had built within his mind was enough for him. yoongi didn't really need anything else around him except for money, which was his income from working a boring office job from nine to five; monday to friday with decaf coffee in his hands daily and blue light glasses to protect him from the screen of his desktop.

the constant noise of the people around him were just annoying crowds that he couldn't handle. that was until he landed his eyes on you. it's a day he clearly remembers from sunrise to dawn. how could he ever forget seeing such a pretty face?

it was just his luck that his apartment was far from the city. one word could describe his apartment: perfect. the land was extremely quiet since no one else lived around. the only exceptional noise that would interrupt the silence would be the animals: the deers that would constantly communicate with the others, bunnies hopping around, hummingbirds that chirp with soft ends, or the baby opossums that would sneeze to get their parents' attention. yoongi's house had more than enough of love. he lived for it. however, it never hurts to add more to a loving house, especially when he was missing someone by his side. yoongi couldn't believe his luck on how this apartment was so excluded from the world; from the hands of society. it's exactly what he needed when he wanted to play his guitar with no one knocking on his door to disturb him. or when he wanted to listen to his music out loud, or to keep you safe in his home. its like it was meant to hide someone inside it, and the best part is that no one would ever know. no person can search somewhere they don't know exist. in other words, you were meant to be his.

the second you were inside, yoongi had basically erased your existence from earth. your missing poster left on wooden poles, shops, and shown on the news. and yet, not a single trace of you was found; questions about your appearance went unanswered. everyone was clueless on what could've happened to you. your disappearance was a complete mystery to everyone: where had you gone?

are you still alive?

it was uncomfortable to wake up. your head was pounding and the dizziness that took place in your head only further pushed you to have nausea. "finally." a deep, unsettling voice boomed out of somewhere. startled by the sudden noise, you quickly glance up to catch sight of a man's eyes. he stood right next to the door. that was the beginning of a new chapter. you were slipping away from sanity as time passed. most of the time, you were left alone. 'where am i?' You just sat on the bed trying to figure out what happened; what was happening. the man who stood in the corner — you learned his name was Yoongi — left after a while. he would talk a little with you before leaving the room, saying something about grocery shopping.

you kept up a calm facade for the sake of survival. You had to or else you didn't know what your captor would do to you. you had full knowledge that he had the possibility of hurting you, or even worse, he could kill you. just like he had the guts to take you from your own freedom and dreams from when you were a little girl.

but there was no stopping time. it crept up until you realized that you've done nothing to help yourself get out. you've sat there day and night, acting like a good girl for him when it wasn't even you who wanted to be there. you've wasted seconds that led into days and you hope that it doesn't go on to years because you've truly lost yourself in this house. so, you prepared and waited until he left to act out. what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

as soon as Yoongi disappeared from your room and heard another door close, you took the opportunity to do what you don't usually do. all your yells for help and screams of desperation were drowned by the trees. You kept losing hope each wasted second. you were watching it slowly fall away from your grasp, and you couldn't do anything. the remorse of watching as the days went by and you were still stuck in a room locked in by your captor. It was just him and you. You and him. but he swore on the stars that when the time comes, it will no longer just be him and you, but mini-hims and mini-yous waddling around the house.

the small interactions you had with him were uncomfortably awkward for you, and you could clearly tell that he knew. and yet, he stuck around, choosing to stay and 'talk' with you. he didn't want you to think you were alone. he would be there for you.

as the weeks passed, the situation worsened for you. at first it was him moving into the room along with his things, then the part where he started sleeping next to you, and eventually to changing in front of you, touching you, and kissing you. Soon enough, it got more intense. That's when you knew you had to get out someway. You knew what step was next when his touching didn't stop at a few pecks. yoongi began to play with your tits, holding your ass tight to his crotch every night. you just couldn't get away from him.

everything was fucking shut tight. you felt the heat of anger crawling in your body. each window was locked, even the cabinets were locked. there were also hidden cameras. it was just your luck when you had found one in the bedroom hidden perfectly. you were very surprised when you saw it peeking out of the lights. it just proved to you that yoongi was a fucking lunatic. he had been watching you and you were fucking clueless about it. but it also meant that there could of been hundreds of these tiny cameras recording you. you needed to get out.

you couldn't take it any longer. You were watched every single second. You were touched when he was home. You just couldn't keep it going like this. it was your breaking point. you screamed, sobbed, and whimpered at the fact that you were here. 'pathetic', you thought. there you were crying miserably on your mattress without trying to escape.

you heard the door open and then close, you dug your head into your pillow as the footsteps came closer. "it's okay." You immediately felt the presence of Yoongi by your side, pulling you up into a hug. he was panting. "I was worried about you." The hug got tighter. "I came here as fast as I could."

yoongi had worried about you. in that moment, you realized that maybe you gave up long ago. That's why you let him do what he did, after all, a whole year did pass without your knowledge. missing posters crumbling on the floor as the world continued to revolve without your existence. You had gotten used to his presence, his kisses, his behavior, and his love towards you. You were so frightened at first and used his attraction for you as a shield.

he kissed your lips gently before sticking his tongue inside of your mouth. your arms unconsciously wrapped around him. And for the first time, you let him touch you with his love and lust. the unbuckling of his belt made goosebumps grow out of excitement. With one thrust, your pussy sucked him in whole. Yoongi lowly groaned while you whimpered at the sudden feeling of his cock inside of you."I love you."

Yoongi waited. Were you going to say it back? his hips pounded into you with a harsh pace. You guttered nonsense as you quickly held onto his shoulders for support. the overstimulation flourishing on your cunt as his cock disappeared inside of you. "I-I love you..."

He kissed your nose gently. Yoongi stayed still until you came, cunt squirting around his cock with need. He moved his cock out slowly before filling you back in, his hot tip reach your cervix. a smile on his lips as he continued to repeat his desperate actions. a yearn in him to hear you moan in his ears louder. to make sure his cockhead reached your soft spot good enough that you would be whimpering under him as his cock perfectly managed to hit your g-spot. yoongi sucked on your skin, groaning against it as your pussy clenched around him. you were so perfect. his fingers dived into your hair as you milked his dick dry. his pace got sloppier, soft grunts escaping his throat as you legs wrapped him closer to you. yoongi pushed himself until he was deep inside of you, cumming with a loud moan leaving his lips. limbs comforting each other as the stars shined brightly until the sun outshined them once again.

the constant fear of you leaving had vanished in yoongi. replaced with a loving emotion that never left him once. While you slept in his arms, he eyed you. his fingers tracing over your arms, "I really do love you." And he meant that. That's why no one was ever around the area his apartment was in. He made sure the cameras he brought were in use to protect his territory from trespassers. buying red, bold signs to keep people out of what's supposed to be kept hidden, and for anyone who didn't listen, there's a reason he bought a shotgun. he killed anyone that passed the border between your world and reality. it's really the main reason for the cameras that were placed everywhere: inside and outside.

And as time passed rather quickly, your stomach grew and your tits swelled with milk. yoongi couldn't contain the pure excitement when he found out. you were pregnant with his child; a family both of you were able to grow out of dreams. yoongi smiled as he talked day and night, chuckling as he pressed his ear and hands to your stomach. he couldn't be happier that everything he dreamt of was finally happening.

All he had to do was wait and the perfect family he had planned for years prior had been achieved. you were clueless to everything he'd done, maybe cause of the constant drugs that he put in your food and drinks. secretly hiding away inside the locked cabinets. yoongi's lips kissed your head with softness while you carried his tiny daughter in your arms after nine months of constant patience and care. "I really do love you, __." the tears that swelled up in your eyes reminding you of your past; memories that once rested coming back to haunt you. you felt the knot inside your throat, the disgusting taste of wanting to throw up because of the gruesome sight in front of you. The doctor's snow-colored coat was splattered with his own blood. he was dead, stabbed to death by your yoongi. the knife in the middle of his chest tensing you up along with the other harsh cuts against his skin. "I had to", was all he repeated, "for our baby." his fingers gently wiping the tears from your cheeks, "say it." You felt like you couldn't breathe during that moment. everything was taking you back to day one. "i-", you paused as your voice trembled, "i love you." the pile of blood grew, drowning out the wooden floor. a faint pink colored yoongi's cheeks, "i love you more."

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aspd-culture · 2 days

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Hi, a bit of a weird question, but I noticed that a lot of people I follow, who have aspd have a strong connection (not really sure how to explain it) to wolfs/dogs and canines in general, and I just wanted to ask whether this is a general thing or is it just my circle lol

Yeah I mean that tracks. My abuser was super into wolves, so I don’t relate to those *anymore*, but I previously identified as a wolf and therian and still follow dog therian tags as a shape-shifting alter including dogs.

I think it’s sort of like how autistic people sometimes like cats: cats behave in a way that makes a lot of sense to autistic people and they can relate to.

The same kinda goes with dogs/wolves and pwASPD. Some breeds of dogs and all wolves are seen as aggressive, dangerous, uncontrollable, and are avoided and some people even think should not be bred or be put down - all for things that have nothing to do with the animal themselves and in fact are about how they were treated. If you mistreat a dog through its formative years, you’ll get a very *defensive* (not aggressive idc what people say) dog. They’ll be quick to attack and maybe not warn first the way other dogs will because they learned that’s what keeps them safe - me fuckin too dude - and they risk getting literally put down in a legal and community supported way for that behavior they never asked to be taught.

And this is just a personal thing, but I kind of romanticize the idea of being a dog - because there’s a large community of people who understand that it’s not the dog’s fault and will fight for them to be accepted and understood; who’ll meet that dog where they’re at and work with them with complete understanding and forgiveness for anything the dog does wrong. People who will *get bitten* and apologize for scaring the dog. And what really makes me envy dogs is that dogs are able to turn it around no matter how old they are - even senior dogs who were extremely reactive can usually be turned around and act like a normal dog or even be particularly caring and docile because dogs can be taught at any age that they are safe now and they don’t need to behave that way anymore. I wish my brain was capable of learning that and undoing all the neurological damage people did to me, and I wish people would look at me and see and understand the stress and anxiety in my eyes when I act out because I felt unsafe.

So uh yeah, anyways, I’d say it’s not uncommon.

Plain text below the cut:

I think it’s sort of like how autistic people sometimes like cats: cats behave in a way that makes a lot of sense to autistic people and they can relate to.

So uh yeah, anyways, I’d say it’s not uncommon.

#a rare unmasked aspd culture #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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muldermuse · 3 days

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In two sinners- do they have kids?

SO, i thought of that maybe one day gator and reader run away together. like gator has had enough and it all kinda comes to a head and he knows there’s no way out but he can’t leave without you. I think I wrote a really tiny fic or ask about it (it’ll be in the two sinners works tag)

you have two boys. cooper and riley. bc tbh gator just gives me huge boy dad energy. and like healing for his inner child.

more dad!gator x mom!reader after the cut 💖

Cooper is older and was not planned. Just what happens when you and Gator finally feel comfortable and safe after running away together- your pill is far from your mind. Gator panics the entire pregnancy, gets more panicky when Cooper is born but I think he kinda fellows out about it. Like he’s less panicky and a bit more fiercely protective. It reminds you of how Gator used to be around you, in fleeting moments ofc. (like guardian angel fic)

Cooper is a barrel of energy and Gator encourages the silliness and goofiness. He’s developed a kindness and softness he never saw in his own father. When Coop trips and cries, Gator remembers Roy stiffly telling him to “be a man” so he never says that to his son. He picks him up and kisses his forehead, comforting him and helping him choose a plaster. Gator is in awe of his son and, obviously, of you.

You plan to have another and you decide after Cooper’s first birthday. You spent the day enjoying a barbecue with some new friends. Cooper fell asleep in Gator’s lap as the party cleared out. In bed later that night, you notice the slight red blush on Gator’s face from sitting in the sun all day. He looks tired but also so content. His kisses are deep and slow. He thanks you, he thanks you most evenings recently and you’re not sure what for. Maybe for planning the party, maybe for loving him or maybe for being a great mom. You realise it’s probably all three and more.

The sex is slow, his mouth is persistently pressing kisses and rarely coming up for breath. He groans as soon as he hears you say it, “let’s have another”. You freeze; assuming the worst. His hands move to hold your face, hazel eyes boring into yours.

“Fuck yes, yes please”. You nod at each other with matching grins.

Riley is born 9 months later.

#two sinners works #gator tillman x you #gator tillman x f!reader #gator tillman x fem!reader #gator tillman fargo #gator tillman smut #gator tillman #gator tillman fanfiction #fargofx #fargoedit #fargo #fargo fx #fargo season 5 #fargo s5 #joe keery smut #joe keery #joe keery x reader

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mblue-art · 2 days

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i’m curious about your take on strawberry nightmare! to you, what’s he like? how does he act? what’s he all bout?

He is annoying (/aff hehe), and even more so to regular Nightmare. I tried to figure out (still am, I guess) how to put the flavor theming and '2P!' thing together, but here's what I have in my head for him ^^ (ramble warning!)

Finding out that the concept of '2P!' variants existed in UTMV too, made me happy! Usually 2P!s are inverted or flipped versions of the original character— think Fell'd or Swap'd versions in UTMV terms— so I thought:

Huh. If he's supposed to be a flipped version of Nightmare, would he have similarities with Swap!Dream? 🤔 But softer, nicer? 'cause he's also strawberry milk-themed! 🍓 flavors and aesthetics can be associated with soft, nice, sweet, cheery, and pretty...

(And sometimes, behind that pretty pink, lies red danger. While regular Nightmare clearly shows that he is a threat, S!NM hides it behind a layer of sweetness; (like a yandere— I explored yandere S!NM here), like a 'nice' character hiding their bad side—

But don't worry! Only those who are deserving of his wrath will face it. He's mean when he needs to. The simps are safe, as well as the people he cherishes! He can be a patient man. Just don't be on his bad side and you'll be a-ok! 👍(⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

He's like... If regular NM decided to go uwu for the bit, but forever.........(/hj)

He is friendly, a flirt, flips between being all cutesy and rizzing up the simps,

nicely offers you (suspicious— he loves making people doubt LOL) pink sweets in exchange for company or simply as thanks for spending time with him

(A king can feel so lonely sometimes 😩😔 esp w/o his dear brother around... so maybe he has a massive pink house instead of a castle :] Oooh, imagine how pink and aesthetic the interior would be...),

likes messing with the original Nightmare (Ah!! NM hosting parties! Him getting invited! Yes, he'd def talk to the king of the castle but tries to be civil! This is a nice fancy party with lots of people around; he's not gonna ruin this for anyone 😤 he just wants to socialize!!)

(Yes he owns a few creative 🍓-themed suits, why wouldn't he lean towards his aesthetic 😤)

Like any Guardian of Feelings, he can manipulate/control emotions. He can pull out one's negative emotions to calm them down, and he can also make one feel nervous or any other mix of feelings in his presence, just like how his original counterpart does.

As for his role in the multiverse, I'd say he honestly just tries to have fun. Yk, jus a lil chaos. Teehee. No multiverse domination or anything, he just likes being a menace to people hehehe

An idea I thought of a few times is him hinting that he has visited Nightmare's castle (whether he actually talked to NM or not) by leaving strawberry milk (carton/bottle) in the fridge for the others to see and be confused by.

'hey guys where's my choccy milk? did any of you drink it?? it was my last box!' - 'why is there strawberry milk again... none of you drink this...' - 'who keeps getting this pink stuff'

NM eventually informs them about this visitor, and to be cautious, just... Don't drink whatever pink thing he leaves in the fridge.

I've never really thought of what S!NM's backstory would be, what him and his Dream's 'Dreamtale AU' would be, so right now, he's just... There one day (lol) with a brother that keeps? running away from him?? (His Dream is 🟦 instead of 🟨! (I saw an artist drew him as such) And while 🍓 is happy and excited, 🔵 is kinda gloomy... Interesting to see a happy Negativity Guardian and a grumpy Positivity Guardian...)

You can scroll through the #snm asks tag to read past (mostly simp) shenanigans with him, and you can also click these links for my other rambleposts about him ^^

#ask #mblue talks #m rambles #snm asks #took me a while bc i had to yoink the thoughts that were floating in the clouds orz #i'm still! interested about hearing people's takes on him too!! :D

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dabisbratz · 1 year

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Do you have any any bottom m! reader blog that you personally like? BTW I love that way you write !👍🏿🤍

thank you!! there’s veryveryvery…very few of us that i can find but! @/keiitharoo, @/reallyromealone, @/a-dummybottom @/lovesick-fics (think they do both preferences!) @/bontensbunny01 n @/weaper-reaper if you’re into cod! n if anyone knows any bottom m reader blogs id love to follow them…

EDIT: adding some creators from the replies!! @/demonicpansexual/pansexual-ghosty,

@/voxakumasprettyboy, @/secretivemessenger @/gaybitchfx and @/jkloserdazai @/rag1ngwat3rs @/aphrosdytus0

#i would tag them directly but mnot sure if they’re okay with that so! just to be safe #i always see people complaining abt how there’s /so many/ bottom reader blogs but…. there really isn’t #i could probably count the amount on my fingers #which is kinda frustrating! but!#gots to see it through my boy #the tumblr filtering system is also very bad so that could be way it’s hard to find too #hm.#toybox—x-mo

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honesttoglob · 1 month

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"My statue, / Which, like a fountain with an hundred spouts, / Did run pure blood;" (2.2.81-83)

"The ides of March are come." (3.1.1)

#bigtop burger #btb cesare #artbylaino #tw blood #tw g0re #it's not really gore but just tagging to be safe?#Happy Ides of March y'all!#I decided to upload the version without text as well since part of me kinda likes it better lmao #did you guys have to read Julius Caesar for AP English? I shipped Brutus and Cassius SO HARD #PLEASE GO KILL THAT GUY AND THEN KISS #My old man shipping goes back far #Also Caesar keeps referring to himself in the third person the whole time like “It is I- The Great Caesar!”#And its like man please kill this fool already I've had enough of this dude

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starfilled-galaxy · 10 months

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guys. guys.. not to be like. the crazy one, but like

i dont fucking care that there was "news" about the rps at vidcon

actually kinda scared for the rps to come back??

Like, idk after I learned a LOT about issues with Mystreet, it's not very exciting anymore. Plus I have this whole story in my head now, a rewrite, my version, and I dont want a new season of Mys to remind me that my little version of this story is extremely not canon. Also that canon is worse.

Oh and I actually despise the remake of MCD. I hate it so much. Like maybe I'd be more excited if she was continuing the og MCD, but no it's going to be the remake of course because she abandoned the original.

#dont even get me started on MID #not saying that if you like these or are excited for it that you're wrong or smth btw #aphblr #im not gonna put much aphmau tags just because of my irrational fear of jess seeing this post #mystreet #hot take ig?#......just in case i'll just say if you're gonna respond especially arguing against my post pls do so kindly (and maybe with tone tags)#my anxiety may not be able to take it so??? pls be nice #i mean im kinda a small blog so i dont really expect anyone to care about this post but ya know just playing it safe #niko.txt

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mewkwota · 11 months

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You know who else I haven’t drawn in a long while? And that was about 8 years ago for one comic, so here’s Fiora again after relearning her hair. By the way, that “Take Your Kid to Work Day” thing was actually a thing.

#aha no I'm not 'on a roll'#I just like seeing nikol be excited about the things he likes #and then I found the perfect storm #(he'll be standing from a safe distance don't worry ^^)#doodle-daas #comics #project x zone #xenoblade 3 spoilers #fiora #nikol #kos-mos #(shulk's kinda there too but he's so small does he really need a tag)#also #for those wondering how the heck does fiora switch to 'that mode' I already have that covered ;V #a pxz thing? in this time and age?#yes-- my love for things has no limit to 'relevance'

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lqcb97 · 8 months

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#chan #bang chan #skz #stray kids #these tags are unrelated to this post i guess #kinda having a really rough time irl... and i'm struggling to find any happiness #i thought it would be ok but it's not... so idk #smtimes i come on here and scroll through this blog and it makes me feel a little bit warmer because of him...#and i miss him... so much every day... why does my heart feel like it's just empty without seeing him i don't know #in any case.. i love him so much #my only reason to really hang on anymore lol as stupid and corny as it sounds #my safe place forever.. i love him...#and he's also insanely gorgeous . i felt like i broke when i saw this

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elisedonut · 11 months

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Stacy's brother Au

but it's just a crack au where Ginny "loses" like 4 bfs in a row to her brothers just to realize she doesn't even like boys

#Aka #Ginny Weasley #being a matchmaker for her siblings by accident #and then she ends up with like Luna or Hermione or something #i dont really vibe with using loses in this context but i cant think of another word that fits right now #obv because i am me i was mostly thinking about #percy weasley #being one of the ones that end up with a new bf #i wont say who i was considering for that because its kinda weird even for me i think #in the scenario in my head it was in addition to Oliver which he already had because i think it would be even funnier #ginny thinking it obviously can't happen again because now all her siblings have partners so she should be safe right? no not at all #i also just love Polyam!Percy so im biased #perciver #i really got to start combining all of my thoughts in the post itself instead of in the tags #this is mostly a joke because dont take me seriously i'm sleep deprived and don't know what im talking about

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churchydragon · 3 months

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I already knew I had no interest in Palworld when they showed the guns and slavery of the Pals in the first trailer but hearing that not only has the company dabbled in NFTs and AI but there's also HUMAN slavery AND the farms are called plantations has just totally turned me off. why did the devs think that was even slightly appropriate in this fucking day and age?

like I DO think we need an open world survival Pokemon-esq game, we really do. but not Palworld. hopefully Kindred Fates will fill that void properly, in a responsible, not overly and poorly thought out edgy way.

#granted if they make it clear in the game that the slavery is Bad and there are better ways to do the things you need to do #then that's slightly better. Morrowind has slavery in it too but it makes it very clear that it's Bad #and in quests involving them they give you options to help the slaves out and allow you to free them (two Telvanni quests come to mind)#it's not great but it's slightly better. but like. if it's like the guns then I suspect it's in there just to be edgy and “cool”#which isn't okay and shouldn't be defended. that's not okay. that's not ever okay.#and it sucks cuz again we do need a game like Palworld but without all the terrible things! Nintendo has been slacking hard and also #they been playing it way too safe and I feel like anything they make will kinda fall short #I enjoyed Scarlet and Violet but I feel like they could have done a little more if they were braver #and also. you know. payed their workers and didn't push out a new Pokemon every year.#give it time to sit so new ideas can develop properly. come on now.#anyways I have no idea if any of this is really coherent or just a rapid flow of thoughts. whatever #I'm excited for Kindred Fates. it comes out this year supposedly so I'm gonna grab that when I can #also there's nothing wrong with edgy concepts in video games. Palworld just does it badly to me #and as always people are allowed to like the game but. use some critical thinking #I've seen little bits of the game that look really fun. I've just been totally disillusioned to it lmao #I am gonna be sus of anyone accusing people of being moral crusaders for calling the game out for the slavery tho. that's sus as fuck #churchy talks #churchy tag rambles

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deus-ex-mona · 5 months

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rage is a ✨way of life✨

#found out that i successfully angered someone by not showing up to work on saturday lmaoooooo #and im just like… gOOOOOOD. BE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!#mans has no room to be mad anyway. it’s his fault i had to ot for 7 hours to cover his work for him in the first place soooooooo #a nd he’s getting demoted next year and im ahauxucjsjjsjsjsjxjdhss #in other news im kinda annoyed by my mother’s (unfortunate) pressuring of me to go to the upcoming family christmas gathering :(#like no way manssssss i haven’t seen the extended fam since my grandma’s funeral and i’d like to keep it that way thanks~~~~~~~~#and a c h r i s t m a s gathering of all places… m a n. im half expecting them to drag everyone to church to end off the gathering…#i wouldn’t put it past the hosting aunt to do that ngl. she had tricked me into attending a church service in the past and all…#like. man. there’s this local mall that has a similar name to said church service…#so ofc it’s normal to assume that said mall is what she was referring to when she said ‘let’s go to [insert name]!’ with no context right???#and uggshdhdjjsjsjdjs i don’t wanna be introduced to my cousins’ kids as ‘auntie [insert nickname i hate]’ bc that’s lame #and m a n. i definitely don’t wanna interact with my cousins’ kids. i either don’t know or can’t pronounce (or both) their names #i only remember the oldest one’s name (bc he has a stereotypical frat boy name) and the one who’s named after a ninja turtle #but none of the rest. i think some of them have names from my cousins’ spouses’ home countries? dk about the others though #i’m 80% sure one of the girls was named something like ‘triceratops’ but that doesn’t seem right…#being named after a dinosaur sounds cool though… or any prehistoric creature really #if i could choose my own name i’d like it to be ‘coelacanth’#just so i can say ‘i coelacan’t do it!!!!!’ if someone asked me to do something i don’t wanna do. the pun potentials are endless mans #huh. wow… i started this off with a mad coworker and ended it by turning into a coelacanth… how did we get here anyway…?#oh wells no one reads the tags anyway uehxudjdjdjsjsjss my secrets are ✨safe✨

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pepprs · 6 months

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ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

#purrs #conference tag #chicago #im very very very scared. that i won’t be able to handle it. i have craved solitude but also don’t know if it’s something i actually want o #if it’s a product of my circumstances. i am not used to being completely alone like that like whenever ive had it there have always been #other ppl in the building that ive had to be cognizant of and that will be true of a hotel too but bc i don’t know the people i will feel #less responsible to them . like obviously im not goi ng to sing at the top of my lungs but i will feel like i can sing which ive never felt #like i can do when ive lived with roommates or at home kinda. idk. my therapist was challenging me to experiment with fear by asking myself #if im really in danger or if im just uncomfortable / about to experience something ive never done before and right now im so extremely #anxious but what i am about to do is not inherently dangerous and i need to recognize im just experiencing something new and do it scared.#like im literally terrified i can’t describe how scared i am in a way that does it justice. but i am going to be okay. and when i tell #myself that i make it so.#trina vega voice im a woman…… [about to be] in ch!cago….. who’s SCARED!#i also have no idea how to be in a big city and be safe. like what do i do if im followed or if someone tries to attack me or something.#obviously the chances of that are extremely slim but ive had it hammered into me that if i am alone in a city that’s what’s going to happen #to me bc i am such a ~weak and defenseless small young woman~ lol. but bc i believed the fear and have had very little experience in citie #i have no idea how to navigate them or to be safe which creates the problem. like it makes it true that i am weak and defenseless bc i have #been shielded from being able to learn how to be smart and strong and cognizant of my surroundings. and i am so angry about it and hope tha #i will SHATTER that sense when im there and come away from it w confidence ive never had before #like i don’t have… pepper spray or anything like that. idk if that’s a thing ppl actually carry on them or if it’s just a thing ppl say. i #genuinely have zero idea at all. and i really really hope i won’t be in a situation where i’ll wish i had some. i doubt i will be but still

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magioftheseas · 2 months

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someone: who's your fav in tcgf/hob? me: Xie Lian!!! <3 What a fantastic protagonist!! someone: and your fav in svsss? me: Binghe!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 What a fantastic protagonist!!! someone: so in mdzs, who-- me: jin guangyao. someone: me: what a fantastic protagonist. someone: me: my second fav is xue yang.

#Look as a fan of Komaeda and Akechi I am in fact pretty big on the “”“villainous”“” foils to the “”“heroes”“” so this tracks #it's just...kinda funny when it's not really the case in the other two mxtx books...there I do in fact just love the “protagonists” mostest #anyway idk if this is safe to tag so I'm not gonna #Magi Blah

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cryptidcalling · 3 months

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Vesper thoughts; Late Night Swim (Please read the tags for CW before opening)

Sometimes, when it's late at night and he can't sleep, Vesper will go for a swim in the Citadel's private pool. Technically it's Pansa's, but Vesper uses it far more often. He keeps the overhead lights off, just turning on the ambient lights beneath the water, setting them to a soft pink. The water is cold at night, since he never bothers to turn on the heaters. He lowers himself in slowly and launches off the side with his feet, dipping below the water and silently swimming across the length of the pool. He touches his fingertips to the opposite wall, comes up for a breath, and then launches off again. He lets himself get lost in the rhythm of it, almost meditative as each gasp for breath and soft splash fills the otherwise silent room. He'd struggled with swimming when he was young. He'd never seen so much water in one place before, and he certainly couldn't imagine being able to move your body through it. He hadn't been the only cadet who couldn't swim, but he still wasn't willing to be left behind, learning this basic skill as others got to start the real training. He took up every second of pool time he was allowed to. The number of times he'd almost drowned was over half a dozen. It never stopped him. Tonight he swims with grace, barely perceptible in the dark, pink water. On one wall of the pool room is a massive window overlooking the city of Starport. Lights glimmer from below, but up above the jagged silhouette of skyscrapers is a clear view of the night sky. Three moons shine brightly, surrounded by the pinprick light of stars. Vesper lets it interrupt his focus, gliding to the edge of the pool and staring out. The city is always alight, never sleeping, alive with the constant flow of power thanks to Stardust, the lifeblood of the Empire. He's not unlike the city, in that way. As his gaze turns up towards the sky, he gets a familiar feeling in his chest. It feels like someone is pulling him, like there are two strong hands wrapped around his ribs tugging him out toward the sky. The tightness spreads up into his neck, feeling as if there's something lodged there, words he does not know trapped in his throat, desperately needing to be called out. He tries to follow the feeling, let the words free, but there's nothing. He remains silent. Finally, he pushes away from the wall and treads water in the center of the pool. If he looks closely at the water he can almost convince himself that it's reflecting the sky. Vesper takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He lets himself sink. He can feel it when his back makes contact with the floor. He looks behind him, but nothing is there. Stretching infinitely in all directions is the cold, eternal void of space. His hair flows up above him with no gravity to hold it down. Beyond him is a field of stars, trillions all clustered together, sisters lighting up the otherwise desolate stage in a glittering crescendo of flame and color. For a moment their magnificence is all he can comprehend, and he releases the knot in his throat in a silent, awestruck breath. Bubbles emerge from his mouth and float up and away.

Their beauty reaches his soul, but their warmth is inaccessible at this distance. The void's cold prickles against his skin. His fingers buzz like static, and when he finally brings them up to his face they're a bright pink. With a twitch, his fingertips break away into shimmering Stardust. There's an odd feeling in his chest again. It's different now, not being pulled away but rather crushing in on itself. It feels tight and uncomfortable, constricting his lungs and pressing hard against his bones. He watches as more of his hand disintegrates and floats away from him. It doesn't hurt much. It's prickly and uncomfortable, but then it's just numb. Maybe it will spread across his whole body. That wouldn't be so bad really. He could stay here forever that way. The pressure has turned into pain. It's crushing his lungs, traveling up his esophagus and winding around his throat. It hurts. He wants the light to spread faster, to reach his chest and turn it to dust so the ache will stop. He'll be at rest, his body turned to Stardust, the lifeblood of the Empire. The Empire. Vesper opens his eyes. He breaks the surface of the water with a crash and is able to make his way to a ledge, resting his weight against it as he violently coughs and gasps for air. It takes him several minutes to finally catch his breath. He's tired, and he's freezing, but he feels more at ease than he had before. He gets out and dries himself off, changing into some very comfortable pajamas, a gift from Pansa. He returns to his quarters and crawls back into bed. The covers are soft and warm. Feeling cozy and exhausted, he finds it easy to drift off to sleep. He dreams of stars.

#CW for Drowning risk. Described Difficulty breathing. and slight body horror #Also: Vesper does not have any desire to hurt himself or to stop living #However. Some content in this writing may reflect those sorts of feelings or ideations #It could be argued that the reckless behavior in this writing could also be considered self-harm #To be specific: He goes swimming alone late at night and lets himself stay under the water longer than is safe #Please keep these things in mind before reading #Vesper tag #(Also I wrote this at 1:00 am so don't expect art or anything lol)#Some clarification for what's going on: Vesper sometimes feels a deep sense of longing for outer space #Like something is calling him there. Like he belongs there. So besides taking a spaceship all the way out there the closest-#-He can get is being underwater. So this is kinda therapeutic for him. He can feel briefly closer to the stars #and is also able to remind himself of the things he values that he doesn't want to leave behind.#Obviously it's reckless and not really safe #But I assure you all he's just fine. Think of it more like an intense homesickness than a desire to actually become a star or-#-Leave his life behind.

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spaceyflowerswriting · 2 years

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james lee x fem!reader? ≧ω≦

troublemaker (james lee x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot, gender neutral reader but written 2nd pov, general canon au, you and james have been dating for a while already, possibly ooc james; just know he's playful

summary: james gives you a kiss 💖

a/n: thank you for requesting anon !! u were very vague with your request so i sort of just wrote a random oneshot u_u" if you request again, please specify whether you'd prefer a oneshot or headcanons + a general prompt or say you'll leave it up to me !

im also not quite sure how to characterize james but i figured i'd try ! hope this is at least alright;;

also i know you specified fem reader but i only write gender neutral reader to be inclusive, and usually pronouns aren't mentioned anyways since i write 2nd pov ! if pronouns are mentioned though, please feel free to change them to your liking !

"Have you seen my latest performance?"

"James, did you really risk your career just to do that?"

"Risk my career?" James questioned, humming afterwards in feigned deep thought.

You gestured vaguely with a hand. "You started a dating scandal about yourself. Just because you wanted to be a little charming?"

"I think you're forgetting who you're dating." He began to approach where you sat by the counter, pulling a stool similar to the one you were seated on to sit next to you. "I'm the CEO of PTJ Entertainment." He smiled as he lowered his voice, almost sounding mocking. "Who's going to fire me?"

You rolled your eyes, a smile on your lips. "Your stans are going crazy on Twitter by the way."

"When are they not?" He let out a small sigh, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and letting you lean in on him. "They'll forget about it in some months anyway."

"Still. Was kind of bold of you to just say, 'I dedicate this song to someone very special to me. You know who you are,' and then wink at the camera. On a live show, might I add."

"Well, you got the message, did you not?"

All you could do was laugh in amusement at his response. "You know, I was initially interested in you because of how cool and mysterious you seemed. And now I see you're just a teenager in a man's body--dumb but physically strong."

"I've just warmed up to you, that's all." James gave you a toothy grin. "Or maybe being with you just makes me feel young." Before you could even reply to his cheesy comment, he leaned in to peck your lips before quickly doing the same to your cheek. "Okay, gotta bounce. See you at nine for dinner!" He was already up and running towards the door before you could react at all this time.

You just smiled, not questioning the spring in his step until you noticed your lips and cheek feeling a bit strange. Your hand went up to lightly touch your cheek and you immediately knew it was smudged lipgloss. This was not the first time your boyfriend had done this. And it would not be the last.

"JAMES!"

James had won a lot of awards in the 20 or so years he's been alive. If he could add one more to the list, it'd be "The World's Best Boyfriend" for sure.

#lookism x reader #james lee x reader #james lee #i just think he'd be kinda goofy if he really warms up to someone #like he feels safe around u ya feel so theres no need for him to stay quiet and observational #dg lookism #forgot to add that tag before my comments oops #requests

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