#not to hype my own post up i just put that on all meta posts so that i can find them

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Ok so I already projected onto John MORE than enough but good golly, I'm finally getting around to finishing Season 3 and I'm projecting even more because like ohhH my gosh. When Yeshua asks him to stay and wait for Simon, and he clearly is desperate to go with Him, and doesn't understand why it's Simon that Yeshua depends on, and just so palpably wants Yeshua to want him, and love him, and to be enough and he just doesn't feel it--and he takes that out on Simon--and it's just a great representation of John's struggles with pride and insecurity and the competitive nature of the relationship between him and Simon (the tomb, Simon's question at the end of John's Gospel, etc.)...and how Yeshua says, "John, I love you," and corrects him so gently, and takes his face in His hands because He knows it hurts, and has such compassion for John even in his shortsightedness...

AND THEN. ON THE ROAD WITH SIMON. Oh my goodness. The aro Christian in me is losing my mind because the final thing John says to Simon, after a string of adjectives describing virtues he sees in Simon but not himself--"Simon the exceptional. Simon the distinct"--is, "And yeah, maybe He calls me 'beloved' sometimes, but that's only because you have Eden! I don't know what you're whining about when you have found someone like her."

Like oh my gosh. I feel so seen here. Because John (and I) are all about love. We care about people so much. But it's commonly thought that John never married, despite it being expected in that society and most of the other disciples doing so. And what's being represented here is this painfully personal ache because yes, Jesus loves us; yes, we can have a special and close relationship with Him--but it feels like it's a substitute because it isn't what everyone else has: it isn't the love of a partner. John wants to be loved and needed SO MUCH and he feels lesser because he doesn't have that, so he admits himself that he resents Simon for having a wife. And that's exactly how I feel. I want my relationship with Jesus to be special, I want to be closer to Him than anyone and to be His beloved, and while part of that is genuine and holy, part of it is because I don't think I'll have or be worthy of anyone else's love. His love is treated as replacement for something "more." So we cling onto that because at least someone chooses us first. "At least" we have Jesus. But we still feel emptier than those who have other people choose to love them. We need to be exceptional and distinct because otherwise we'll be forgotten. Left behind.

And then John sees what his words have done to Simon and the pain his friend is carrying, and the change is instant. He runs to him and holds him and grieves with him and calls him brother, and tries (in his own imperfect way) to offer comfort and encourage Simon to turn to Yeshua for support. John has so much empathy and compassion; it's not that he doesn't care about Simon, and when he realizes what's going on, he immediately is there to support him. But he clearly feels less than Simon--less loved, and less important to Yeshua. And if not even Yeshua would choose him first...who does he have?

So yeah. I feel seen. And I hope that someday I can have the kind of relationship with Jesus that John had.

#the chosen #the chosen tv series #yochanan bar zavdi #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #meta #my meta posts #quality meta seal of approval #not to hype my own post up i just put that on all meta posts so that i can find them #christianity #my christianity #john #simon peter #aro #aromantic #aromanticism #my aromanticism

[bryndeavour]

I cannot express enough how much you need to take the part of your brain that NEEDS engagement on fic (kudos - comments - immediate satisfaction upon posting) and you need to sit it in a room in your brain and let it chill. Being seen and engaged is super important! But you can't control the world around you - all you can control is yourself and letting OTHER people dictate your relationship with your fanning and your media is NOT okay. I cannot express this enough - when you write unpopular pairings, crack pairings, or just minority pairings in any fandom. I cannot express enough that this also happens with popular pairings, especially when there's a high volume of content. I cannot express this enough when you write fic in a big fandom - your fic will get lost in the sea of fic. I cannot express this enough in a SMALL fandom - your audience is smaller and you have no control over peoples time or how they spend it.

What I can say is the same old adage - write things that you are happy to put out in the world - BUT I WOULD LIKE TO ALSO ADD that you can seek out a small group of friends who can give you support. Even if its ONE friend. You literally just have to make the tiniest of efforts- Stop sending ANONS to people about fic meta and support- SEND THEM WITH YOUR NAME ATTACHED. This is already an anonymous website everyone. If you see someone talk about a discord - ask how you can join it. Whether it's small or large - as long as they have a writing channel you can mute the whole thing and only engage there if you want. If you have 3 people on tumblr who support you, chat with you, like your posts, or post about that thing you like - MAKE YOUR OWN CHAT WITH THEM. Its so so important to get friendly hype - especially when you don't feel represented or supported by the fandom at large.

I promise you that there are people EXTREMELY grateful for your fic. I promise you that if they don't get to it today or tomorrow that they WILL get to it eventually and they WILL be so happy to see the story or pairing that's rare show up for them. Stop living in the 'fandom only exists for 3 months' mentality - fandoms PERSIST beyond the trends. In a year someone is just getting around to that game - in 10 years someone is going to pick up that TV show to try it out and get obsessed with it - and that sounds soooo long but hey let me tell you, I have fandom blogs that are old enough to drink and rent cars. People on this damn webbed site pull up my posts to reblog from 5 years ago.

I promise your circle of 1 friend will grow to 3 to 5 to 15. Just hold onto these things you love. Keep putting them out there even when it feels like no one is listening, BELIEVE YOUR FRIENDS HYPE AND BELIEVE YOUR OWN HYPE. If you can sell if hard enough - you will sell people on it. Don't just STOP cause people don't reply or agree - that doesn't do anything but STOP the cool ass things from existing at all (and then no one gets any cool things and that just sucks).

[rowlev]

Do you have any Daredevil fic/ reading recs? 👀

I’m gonna be honest I don’t read that much fanfiction. However there is one fic that I swear is what I will imagine mcu canon as post-snap no matter what the new born again series gives us. I spent several hours trying to find it again so you better read it lol.

Premise is post-NWH Spider-Man trying to tough out life and Matt trying to establish a presence in Hell’s Kitchen again after being snapped. Lots of found family tropes, and really hits the spot for my interpretation of Matt ngl. I haven’t checked in on it in a year and now ao3 is requiring an account to read it so idk how it is now, but highly recommend.

As for reading recs on comics, I think my favorite runs are bendis/brubaker, waid, and zdarsky if I had to pick some, but honestly they’re all good. Like objectively speaking daredevil has some of the most consistent quality writing compared to other comics.

Especially in bendis there is some really fantastic art by David Mack and storytelling, best used to describe the origin story of echo, who currently is getting a show produced about her in the mcu. Apparently the trailer just dropped so I’m pretty hype about that. Overall I think bendis is the bread and butter of daredevil. It accumulates the early history of daredevil into what forms his core character.

Zdarsky is really good if you’re a fan of the Netflix show. It leans more heavily into the religious side of daredevil if you’re into that, and honestly the characterizations feel like they could be ripped out of the tv show. I especially enjoy the first half (pre devil’s reign), but the second half is also pretty good.

Waid I think is my all time favorite run, mostly because it builds onto everything else that makes daredevil’s character and creates a sort of meta analysis of it. Plus it feels the most emotional - at this point he’s trying to go public with his secret identity and it’s a genuinely painful process for him to allow himself to be vulnerable. Yet it’s also a time where you get to be happy for him that he’s finally reaching happiness. I genuinely start tearing up whenever I reach the end of this run. I appreciate the soule run very much (blindspot is awesome!) but I can’t ever forgive him for robbing Matt of the ending of waid.

New run of daredevil is also currently in the works with Saladin Ahmed if you want to start out with a totally fresh story for daredevil. There’s only like 2 issues out so I can’t impose any judgment on it yet but it’s certainly an interesting new position they’re putting daredevil in.

Hope this helps!

#matt murdock #daredevil #comics #rowlerants

[fonulyn]

So I saw your 2023 in review post and I was wondering what about fandom made you think about pulling away?

What ever you decide to do in the future I just wanted to say thank for posting your works, I've gotten into some new ships and I may or may not have gotten some shipping brainrot from some of your fics :'D

the stifling silence and lack of interaction, to put it shortly. i don't really have a lot of friends to talk to, people who'd like the same things i do, and it makes it hard to keep motivated to write anything. and writing thousands upon thousands words and then getting maybe two words in return. getting super excited to share a fic and then people aren't super excited to read it. i can't keep hyping myself up every time only to crash land moments later. i'm just worn out and tired.

but another reason is the remake. i don't want it lol. i mean, i'm sure it's good! but it's not the same. and in every sense that matters fandom-wise it's replaced the original. sure i can go play the og game anytime, like so many people say ("Just go play your original! Problem solved!") but... it's got nothing to do with the problem. the existence of the remake isn't the issue, it's its prevalence in fandom spaces. every headcanon, every fic, every piece of fanart, every meta post, every opinion, all the gushing posts... remake. and most of the time even untagged remake. and I'm so tired of it. it feels like the thing i love, the characters i love, have been wiped out of existence and replaced with these strangers (again, they're probably really good characters! but not the same characters) so it's increasingly much me watching all the other kids play in their remake sandbox while sitting with my bucket and spade digging at dirt alone (altho i do love that mental image lol :'D)

i'm not saying people can't or shouldn't enjoy it, they absolutely should, and they should have fun with it. but it's not for me. and it means I am left out, just as a fact, as a natural consequence of my own choices. still doesn't mean it doesn't suck balls. so ehh.

BUT ANYHOW. glad to hear you've enjoyed the ficcage :) thank you for the kind words!

#and idk if i'm going anywhere #every other day i am 100% done #every other day i have strength to hope #päivän peili by viikate is the song equivalent of me now :'D #i do have 2.5 fics written too this year #but let's see #i know nothing #anonymous #ask and i shall answer

[offtorivendell]

Can I say I appreciate your theories? I'm still not done reading all of it, but you, wingedblooms, merymoonbeam, psychee, silverlinedeyes and silvedreamscape and the others I forgot the names (im not sure if I put on the right usernames, I suck at remembering usernames sorry) but all of your theories guys are one of the reason I am still hype up about acotar. It is all brilliant.

Lately, I've been seeing some theorists stealing yours and it saddens me because you and the others deserve to have the credits.

Thank you for sharing all the theories, truly 💖

Hi anon, and thanks for dropping by!

I'm sorry if you sent this in a while ago, I'm not on Tumblr much these days and asks don't seem to pop up in my notifications (only in my inbox, for some reason). I've tended towards DMs over posts at the moment - feel free to drop by - but I absolutely appreciate your enthusiasm for my nonsense, and I'm sure that @wingedblooms, @silverlinedeyes, @merymoonbeam, @psychee92, and @silverdreamscapes do, too! To give full credit, many of my chats happen with @ladynightcourt3, @cassianfanclub, @lesolehabitantdelalune, @elrielbaby, and @mrspettyferr, as well (though I'm sure I've missed someone, because I'm also terrible at remembering usernames).

As to theories being similar to mine, there's no way to know that the people didn't come up with them on their own; we all read the same source material, and Tumblr tags are notoriously shite for searching purposes, so given theories haven't been as popular for about a year now (especially 10k word metas, I'm sorry about those haha, though I doubt they were ever popular), it wouldn't surprise me if they'd just been missed. The only time I've ever truly side-eyed a post was when they specifically mentioned they'd read theories, then proceeded to condense maybe five of my more unique crack ideas into one post and didn't actually mention me by name. I saw their likes pop up in my notifications though. 😂 But what can you do? As much as giving proper credit was drummed into me at uni, it's just Tumblr, or fandom, and it doesn't truly matter in the scheme of things. As long as people are starting to love Elain a bit more within the fandom, that's all that counts. 💜

#anon ask #otr ask #otr anon #theories are fun #these are a few of my favourite theorists

[smokeys-house]

Answering this in a separate post bc it's kinda deserving of it's own explanation.

(From this post)

So to explain what I meant without directly listing things, you might have noticed a sort of ongoing theme with me and especially my OC stuff that isn't in character. This might go a little long so I'll put it under a readmore, its not terribly interesting just kind of a silly thing I've never directly mentioned or addressed

So my discord statuses, if you've got me on there somewhere you may have seen my statuses which are all sorta. Commercial-esque? Things like "Coming to a theater near you, A Moomin on the High Seas!" Or "Puukko-O's, part of a balanced breakfast!". Sort of an ongoing bit that I've been doing for a long while now

Well, to put it simply, there's canon stuff like all my writing and a lot of the art I've posted, etc, and then there's this sort of... neo-non-canon? I like that whole era of advertising, early 90s and before, and it suits the canon that I've been pushing mostly which is that Puukko is originally meant to fit in the 90s series (Tanoshii Moomin Ikka).

So there's canon, her and the whole world of the moomins, and then there's this faux canon unreality outside of it where she was part of the series and got a spin off series of her own. I don't bring it up because it's mainly just a fun aside for me, I like to make jokes about official merch for her and treating my story launches like tv-to-movie in theater releases. It's sorta just nostalgic for me.

Plus it gives me excuses to do just about anything I want with my OC without directly affecting her ongoing canon, things like CyberPuukko and Skycaptain Puukko, which would be spinoffs of a spinoff i guess. It also gives me the opportunity to pretend I'm famous or making something people are interested in. If you can't hype yourself up about your own thing, you're not gonna hype anyone else up about it either. Plus it's fun to pretend!

I'll never really develop on that side of things too much, it's a bit meta for my taste and for that sort of thing I feel like you really ought to have some art skill or something else to bring to the table. I'm not clever enough for it nor do I have the ability to fully realize things like that, so I just sorta. Leave it as a fun little gag now and again.

The list so far I think encompasses stuff you'd find as normal moomin merch but also the ones I've joked about in the past include fireworks, breakfast cereal, alcohol and bar equipment, pipe tobacco, plushies, folding knives, books and movies of course, and now Hi-C apparently. There's a commission in the works at the moment that sorta ties into this and you'll see what I mean when it's done.

If it ever comes up in any meaningful capacity I'll have a tag for it and presumably a concept name better than "neo-non-canon".

#smokey talks #capitan's cabin

[epickiya722]

REACTIONS TO EPISODE 7 - DISASTER WALKER

Again, genuine reactions with some jokes thrown in there and nowadays some "meta-like" thoughts. There's pictures, but I try not to put too many.

The reactions are under the cut!

LAST EPISODE'S REACTIONS

"What are the heroes fighting?" Air, they're fighting air... okay, villains...

Aaaaw, All Might is babysitting Eri. That is cute!

The worry in that man's face though. Same.

INKO!!! THEY SHOWED INKO!!! Oh, and Mitsuki looking at Katsuki's pictures!

*AFO smirks* Have I told you that you have a face worth punching?

Recap from last episode. Meaning... yep, they showed those faces again! 😆

Did Shigaraki just say "hey, hey"? Sir, that is a Katsuki thing! (If you seen season 2 then you know the scene!)

This man really out here mocking Endeavor. This man really is standing on Endeavor with Ryukyu right there! Can she at least be released?! WHAT HAS SHE DONE?!

That is funny though.

There is nothing left of that cape, Tomura, just let it go now, dude.

Look, I know the Doctor gotta explain things but, choke him. Mic, choke him out.

Eraser Head thinking of his kids. Thinking about watching them graduate... 😭😭😭

GET HIS ASS, DEKU! GET HIS ASS!

"If Shigaraki can't use his quirk, we can fight him, too!" He is not wrong!

Bakugou and Midoriya coming in to protect Aizawa! 😭😭😭

"Sorry, I'm not interested in you." Well, he's not a video game... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay, but during that scene, everything slows down except for this one person just zooming across in the background and THAT'S HILARIOUS! 🤣

WAIT, IT WAS MIDORIYA!!!

Super Villain Pose, I suppose??

"... little brother" Their reactions to it... ah, damn...

"This is my power and my body." Yesss, Shigaraki! Don't let him control you! Yes, REBEL!!! REBEL!!!!

"But, I don't want to be like you..." Thinks back to how I wrote that post about Shigaraki not having his own identity... 😶

No one wants to be AFO, I assure you.

"So please, shut up." THANK YOU! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING!!

HIS FACE!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 HE LOOKS SO BORED!! HE LOOKS LIKE HE WOKE UP FROM A NAP TO BE CALLED IN A FAMILY MEETING! DAMN!!!

Did... did Gran Torino just flex his muscles???!! HE CAN DO THAT?!

He's so pretty in this shot! 💚💚💚 Look at him! That's his "I'm kicking your ass" face. So cute!

BKDK TEAMWORK, LOVE TO SEE IT!!!

MIDNIGHT GOT A TITLE CARD!!!

Wait... *cries in manga reader*

Oh, hey, Machia.

Hey, Spinner!!!

Oh, shit, I know what's coming and I DO NOT LIKE!! HE IS ON THE MOVE!!

Mr. Compress' screaming seeing Toga without clothes! 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for having spares for her! PUT ON SOME DAMN CLOTHES, TOGA!

"I've been pretty fond of you ever since we first met." Ha ha... yeah, doubt. It's his tech skills you need, isn't it? I know why. Manga readers know why.

Unless you want hair care tips from Skeptic, then proceed. Ask him. Please do. I gotta know his routine.

GET HIM, MT. LADY!! COME ON, DO YOUR BEST, QUEEN!!!

"Shush." Dabi is funny without trying.

GET HIM, CEMENTOSS!

Kamui Woods calling Mt. Lady by her name... 😭😭😭

NOT MISS MIDNIGHT!!! NOT HER!!! *cries harder in manga reader*

ALRIGHT, YAOMOMO! COMING IN CLUTCH WITH THE LEADERSHIP SKILLS!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!

"We're already heroes!" YOU DAMN RIGHT, KAMINARI! I BELIEVE IN YOU KIDS!!!

Okay, I'm hyped for next episode since it mean MORE 1A & 1B WORKING TOGETHER! Look, I adore both classes very much, okay? I love it when they get to have their moments.

#kiya reacts #kiya watches #just kiya's thoughts #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha spoilers #bnha s6 #bnha season 6 #class 1a #class 1b #midoriya izuku #aizawa shota #eraser head #deku #bakugou katsuki #shigaraki tomura #midnight #nemuri kayama #yaoyorozu momo

[homebrew-a-la-traumaverse]

Hi! I'm someone who has been homebrewing for 5e for a while and have recently opened a blog to put my creations, and I plan on also sharing some of my thoughts about the process of homebrewing.

I'm very new to this site in general, so I'm wondering if you have any pointers on how to get started with a blog. My posts also don't seem to be showing up in the public search, and I checked my content sharing settings, so some guidance with that would also be appreciated.

Cheers!

Howdy!

It's nice to see new faces on the scene! Getting to look at new ideas and the thoughts behind them is always fun, and analysis is something that we can't get enough of around these parts.

My advice might be a little scattered, but I hope it helps. If anyone else has thoughts, feel free to add on!

Tumblr can be a little finicky; I've found that posts often don't show up if you have external links. You'll want to make posts directly to tumblr rather than autoposting from elsewhere, and also put any links (i.e. to Homebrewery/DNDBeyond) in a reblog. And then reblog the reblog so that people can find the reblog with the links in the reblogs.

I tend to use a lot of tags for my own posts, both for organization as well as for exposure, but I'll admit I only rarely look at any tags other than the "homebrew" tag. I'm sure other people operate in their own way, though.

In terms of the tumblr homebrew meta, balance and formatting and all are always important. But even more important is PRESENTATION!

(Imagine I'm saying that in a Megamind voice. I don't have the time to find the gif.)

A lot of the time if you just have, like, a link or a readmore to a text dump, people will just gloss over it without giving it a second look regardless of how cool a concept is or how meticulously balanced it is. An evocative picture and image stains for formatting can go a long way in turning heads. You're on a site that loves images; style accordingly.

If you have a lot to say, adding a readmore can help you not flood readers in walls of text. Tumblr does it automatically now, but it's still polite to do it after one or two paragraphs if you're going to be writing much more than that.

Blog maintenance... Posting consistently and frequently is good, if it's relevant to your blog's niche (if I'm following you for homebrew, I'd rather not also get flooded in your love for, say, Superwholock Undertale crossovers; that's what sideblogs are for). That being said, there's diminishing returns; more than 1 post a day and people might miss them entirely just due to scheduling. Having a queue set up for that is helpful.

Combining related things into a compendium is worth considering if you have, say, 10 rogue subclasses that you want to publish at once, but you tend to get more attention if you post them one by one. A compromise could be to post them one by one to build hype and make another post with the compendium. Haven't made enough of those to really say how effective that'd be.

Also remember to keep your followers list clear of bots. It's your tumblr civil duty.

Cheers!

#not homebrew #feedback?

[ladyluscinia]

So in true Tumblr fashion, my Year in Review post won't, well, post. So you guys get the bootleg I'm copy / pasting myself lol 😆

With commentary!

I posted 3,406 times in 2022

That's 1,092 more posts than 2021! (Here's my 2021 Year in Review for comparison! It's much less impressive.)

362 posts created (11%)

3,044 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@autisticandroids

@altarofrowena

@ladyluscinia

@billiewena

@treesofgreen

I tagged 3,404 of my posts in 2022

(wait which fucking two did I NOT tag???)

#spn - 1,391 posts

#our flag means death - 668 posts

#ladyluscinia - 541 posts

#izzy hands ofmd - 486 posts

#blackbeard ofmd - 333 posts

#dean - 324 posts

#destiel - 302 posts

#gifset - 216 posts

#fanart - 216 posts

#castiel - 200 posts

(I'm still a Supernatural blog in 2022, and I will be one in 2023 😘🥂)

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but i thought their initial posting was pretty interesting until one day i realized i stopped seeing it because i was blocked for crimes 😆

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I actually love that Vane is Mr. "What's in it for Me?" and openly philosophically inclined to, like, the simplest and most tangible desires, because in any other show he would be SO easy to get on your side, but in THIS show everyone is a 10 year plan double or nothing idealist so the conversations go:

Flint: "I can't give you money. I need the money for a convoluted scheme that will eventually offer all of us safety and self-governance and ideological superiority. Let me persuade you I know what I'm doing."

Vane: "No, I think I want money. Like, good luck with the rest of that, but I've got it covered. With a ship. And money."

Flint: "But what if the Navy comes for us?"

Vane: "That's tomorrow-Vane's problem, and he'll probably appreciate being richer than today-Vane if it comes up. Pay me."

Link - 493 notes - Posted July 25, 2022

#4

The lack of new Supernatural drama today despite the mass resignation of the British government is proof that Supernatural is tied specifically to American political upheaval, and now I'm wondering what is coming for us on October 11

Link - 658 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

#3

[This is where I discovered that adding any images other than the header that started the post caused the draft to immediately become unsaveable, so if you want to see my dumb joke you have to click on the link]

.

You ever think of a stupid joke you just HAVE to see visualized?

Link - 859 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

#2

Edward Teach Meta - Remember Edward Hasn't Always Been a Muppet...

...and honestly he's still just mostly faking it.

I see a lot of posts about the whole dichotomy of Ed vs Blackbeard, and - because I live in the Izzy Hands tag for this show - a lot of it takes a very... simplistic (?) approach. Mostly along the lines of Ed is a traumatized real guy who just wants love and softness while Blackbeard is the violent persona he puts up because he thinks he has to (and Izzy makes the situation worse with a fixation on a fake person).

This... does not really make sense to me. For one, if we're going to acknowledge "Blackbeard" is a persona then we should probably acknowledge "Ed" is equally fake. The dichotomy is two wildly different masks, and the same real Edward is behind them both. And I want to talk about that guy.

Warning - this got insanely long

---

Link - 884 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ryan Reynolds having staff hype up his new tumblr account to users and then realizing that a shitty CW show that ended almost two years ago is trending over him in anticipation of the 5th

[Insert math lady meme]

Link - 19,855 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

---

Of course that fucking meme got first. Well it's technically Nov 5th posting so I suppose it could be worse. Good luck everyone with getting your own Year in Reviews to work if they haven't yet!

See you next year!

#my 2022 tumblr year in review #tumblr wrapped #tumblr #ladyluscinia #masterpost

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

I've been destroyed so so will you:

10 years later and Obi-Wan is still having nightmares about Anakin's death.

The first thing he does when he wakes up is reach out to Qui-Gon--but he doesn't get an answer. He feels so desperately alone, clearly still blaming himself for everything.

Bail calls him out on this when he's begging him to save Leia, and the fear in Obi-Wan's eyes when he responds, "What if I can't save her?" is for her father, not just for her.

Both times, when talking with Owen and Bail, Obi-Wan holds their gazes--but as soon as they say Anakin's name, he can't anymore, and he has to look away. He visibly retreats and is destabilized by that name, which makes Owen's accusations all the more brutal.

He remembers the exact spot he buried the lightsabers. His next to Anakin's, buried together in the same coffin box. His face when he sees them both carries a decade of grief.

I had also thought the friend that Obi-Wan told Leia she reminded him of was Anakin at first, but then he said "she," and I was disappointed, because I thought he meant Satine when it should have been one of Leia's parents. But I just realized it was one of her parents--it was Padme.

Using the Force seems to cause Obi-Wan pain after refraining for so long (perhaps lending some truth to Leia's assertion that he "can't"); but it's even more painful because the first time he uses it after killing Anakin all those years ago is to save Anakin's daughter.

Obi-Wan never introduced himself to Haja, and if he did, he would have done so as Ben; he's still trying to leave his past and his identity as a Jedi behind. But Haja recognizes him for the Jedi he is (and was), and so he uses his true name."You're not alone, Obi-Wan." How much those few words mean is written all across Obi-Wan's face.

Obi-Wan, who in all his years has always been able to keep himself under control, even right after Anakin's death, literally has a panic attack when he learns that Vader is still alive. It turns Haja's comforting words into a cruel irony, a reality so overwhelming that he's nearly killed. He can't even compose himself on the ship, with Leia standing right in front of him.

He dares to reach out into the Force, terrified of what he will see and what he has done. And Obi-Wan finds him, and feels nothing but hatred--and still calls him "Anakin."

#star wars #kenobi series #kenobi series spoilers #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #leia organa #meta #quality meta seal of approval #not to hype my own post up i just put that on all meta posts so that i can find them #my meta posts #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #padme amidala #qui gon jinn #right in the feels #augh the pain #seriously guys the detail in this show...the characterization...the exquisite recognition of all that came before and after... #it's blowing me out of the water #i am in awe and shock and by golly God is real and He is good and this is all the proof i need

[sitzfleischh]

How to Become a Real Boy: Our Flag Means Death and the Queer Art of Failure

Alright, batten down the hatches, I'm pulling out my mouldering English Literature diploma and writing meta about OFMD using some of my favourite queer theory. This is long for a tumblr post (about 1500 words) but also it's essentially a very condensed version of what could easily be a 3k word essay LOL. Can anyone tell I graduated a year ago and am missing getting to do this?

So, if you haven't seen it yet David Jenkins' pinned tweet says "A lot of what we’re taught about being a man is wrong." And other people have written eloquently about this but clearly the show is exploring masculinity. But the thing I think it does differently than other media I've seen that interrogates masculinity is that rather than just criticizing it (and I think the show is doing something much more interesting than critique) it actually portrays a diverse array of alternatives.

Humour in OFMD doesn't operate under the still-too-common model of ironic cynicism. I could do a whole post just about that on its own but to try and be as concise as possible rn I'm going to quote David Foster Wallace (who I know was a shitty person but his point here still stands):

"Irony’s useful for debunking illusions, but most of the illusion-debunking in the U.S. has now been done and redone. All we seem to want to do is keep ridiculing the same stuff. Postmodern irony and cynicism’s become an end in itself, a measure of hip sophistication and literary savvy. Few artists dare to try to talk about ways of working toward redeeming what’s wrong, because they’ll look sentimental and naive"

We know about toxic masculinity, we know it sucks, we know the patriarchy hurts everyone. Now what? The thing that OFMD does differently here is also showing us alternative kinds of masculinity that aren't toxic-- Lucius admiring Fang's body and telling Izzy that "we don't own each other," Doug hyping up Mary's artwork and bringing her breakfast in bed, Stede getting the pirates to "talk it through as a crew," the crew getting to sew flags and do silly theatre, Ed being told he "wears fine things well."

And here's where we get to my main argument: I think one of the main ways that OFMD arrives at these alternatives is through what Jack Halberstam calls "the queer art of failure."

Super quick rundown of this concept:

The terms of success in a heteropatriarchial, capitalist, colonial society are toxic, and failing to achieve these things can open you up to otherwise hard to see ways of living differently. "Under certain circumstances failing, losing, forgetting, unmaking, undoing, unbecoming, not knowing may in fact offer more creative, more cooperative, more surprising ways of being in the world." To put it simply, once you've totally failed to be straight enough and masculine enough and white enough and whatever else, you become free to explore the alternatives to these things.

So, ok, what does this mean for OFMD? Well, as I said in a previous post I think its main thematic question, which it sets up in episode one with the Pinnochio story, is "how do you become a real boy?" (a real pirate, a real gentleman, etc.). And the season's answer to that question is, ultimately, "you can't-- because there's no such thing."

If we think of each of these fixed identities (gentleman and pirate) as being at the top of some very tall mountain, then Stede and Ed each appear at first glance to be relatively close to their respective peaks. Stede has a wife and kids, a beautiful house and more money than he knows what to do with. Ed: well, he's Blackbeard, history's greatest pirate. But what's so fantastic about this show is that one of its major premises is that even Blackbeard isn't actually the perfect ideal he's made out to be. And if even Blackbeard can’t make it, can’t be the pinnacle of masculinity, then maybe that’s because nobody can.

Notice that the second time the Pinnochio story comes up in episode one is right after Stede says "my family is here now." The next cut has him reading aloud to that new family, the crew of the revenge, in a scene that shows off a kind of new fatherhood, a masculinity based in caring for others. I'd argue that the reason the episode ends on this scene (and the shot of all the flags displayed equally) is to tell us that while the crew may say that they're keeping Stede alive because he proved himself in battle, ultimately they're really doing it because they like being told stories and getting to do crafts together. This queer chosen family, then, comes to all of them as a result of Stede's failure to be a real gentleman (by leaving his hetero family) and his failure to be a real pirate.

And that's why Ed likes him so much, and is so interested in him in the first place! He's the only guy out there doing something new and exciting. Of course the joke is that the only reason he's doing something original is because he's totally incapable of being a "real pirate" but that's the whole point. Stede questions why he can’t be both a gentleman and a pirate but ultimately the show is about him coming to terms with the fact that he has failed to be either of those things-- and that's good, because they allow him to eschew the toxic terms of success of both.

Some more quick examples of this:

Stede failing to be a traditional father and husband opens up new possibilities for Mary, who herself is freed of her societal expectations by “failing” to be a wife anymore

Jim’s story is also about failure, failing to hide as a man, failing to live up to their revenge legacy quest. But again through those failures they find the alternative: being non-binary, falling in love with Oluwande, etc. if Jim’s lesson is that revenge won’t make them feel better, won’t bring back their family, then they can only find freedom in failing to do so (which is where they are at the end of the season).

And ok now here's the really interesting part: while Stede and Ed both fail, in different ways, to be real pirates and real gentlemen, they both also have a running thread of being unable to fail. Ed can't fail because he doesn't even have to do anything scary anymore, people are so terrified of the idea of him that just showing his face sends everyone running. Stede can't fail because his privilege-- and main character magical plot armour-- insulates him from suffering real consequences (as Badminton says, "here you are, unscathed, God's perfect little rich boy"). Each of them is trapped by their proximities to the ideals they represent (pirate and gentleman, respectively), and that is why each of them goes back to those identities in the end.

Stede fails to be a pirate, goes back to being a gentleman and then fails to be a gentleman too. And only when his failure is complete, and he reckons with the consequences of that failure, is he able to sail off toward something else. And importantly I don't think that something else is being a "real pirate." He's sailing toward love, vulnerability, queer family-- all of the things he found by failing to reach the terms of success offered to him by both identities. Ultimately Stede doesn't become anything, in a fixed sense. Instead he, though failure, opens himself up to an ocean of possibility.

Ed, on the other hand, ends the season before he can complete his failure arc. He fails to be a gentleman, goes back to being a pirate, and then...? Well, then, I think what this means is that Ed's next step in season 2 is to truly fail to be a pirate. Like Stede, he needs to complete his failure and reckon with its consequences. We can see this foreshadowed by him crying in his final shot-- the gaps and friction points in his identity have opened up and are ripe for failure. Ed thinks, right now, that he has to stay being Blackbeard, being the Kraken, because the stakes for failure are too high. But Stede, (perhaps history's worst pirate) is coming back to him full of failure and freedom. And I think only once Ed really truly fails-- and survives it-- will he be able to meet him there.

The world we live in is a cynical place, and it is in the best interests of the people in power to convince us all (like Ed has been convinced) that the stakes for failing to follow the rules, failing to go along with the success terms of heteropatriarchal capitalist colonial society, are too high. And it's true that failure sucks and it hurts, but it is also true that there are people out there who are living otherwise, people who will help you get through. And I think that's what this show is about: not being so naively optimistic to think that you can fail without getting hurt, without reckoning with consequences, and at the same time not being so cynical as to believe you have no choice but to scramble forever toward an impossible ideal. Instead, you can fail and survive it, fail and keep failing, and in doing so open yourself up to an endless horizon of ways to live differently.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #I can't believe a month ago I didn't even know about this show #and now I'm out here returning to tumblr and writing essays about it #truly I am healing my inner teenager #my ofmd meta

[ourflagmeans]

my partner wrote some autistic ed thoughts and wanted me to post them:

some of this stuff heavily overlaps with adhd so take it as a general neurodivergent dump, if you will:

- first thing that struck me that he is almost always either overstimulated or understimulated and moments of emotional clarity are seldom. this of course is not only an asd thing but also common in people with adhd or bpd, but i found it very relatable. like, in the beginning of the show, ed is literally so underwhelmed and bored of being blackbeard but also not realistically capable of breaking character or the routine he has created that he almost considers death just for the fuck of it. after meeting stede it gets better, but later in the show, he is often shown as jumpy or sometimes quick to anger, which could be seen as overstimulation (i.e. in the party with the french or in the nature with the snakes).

- masking! like no one else ever before! everyone has seen the meta about the beard being a literal mask. in addition to blackbeard being this huge personality that's tied in with masculinity, danger, and expectations, the beard also literally hides most of his face and facial expressions, which i think many autistic people can relate to.

- always wearing the same clothes. in a sense they're probably to keep up the blackbeard role, but at the same time i read it as a kind of a habitual comfort thing. impractical in the summer heat, but before stede he is reluctant to change what he's used to. like even when he probably should just to, idk, not burn in the sun.

- random stimming. the fabrics seem to function both as emotional support objects and sensory stim. especially pre-stede or while falling into the role of blackbeard while telling stories and stuff he's often shown smoking, which is obviously just. you know, smoking, but also looks suspiciously like an oral stim (also the smoke hides his face, in this essay i will—). also the random stabbing of the block when he's contemplating killing stede. oh and also echolalia (a rather exquisite cashmere). ALSO the absolutely unnecessary jumping everywhere, you know the little parkour shit i'm talking about. can't remember a lot of examples but i swear it happens a few times, think ed hopping onto the barrel in stede's clothes for starters.

- i have some thoughts on the yummy lavender soap thing too but don't know how to elaborate.

- not understanding social clues and the unspoken. to a certain extent he seems to have embraced it, having become a pirate and all, but the whole thing with him curious and a bit frightened of the french boat party people and not being able to understand social clues… hmm. what especially struck me was the way he realized that passive aggression was happening because it was so obvious he didn't really GET it but recognized it based on his earlier talk with stede. also lmao he's so impressed when stede actually gets passively aggressive, he's like wow mate people know how to just do this shit????? mental

- re: social clues, he often seems to have certain scripts that don't always land the way they maybe should. i.e., doing the dramatic gentleman pirate, i presume? entrance on stede even though he's more than half dead and probably won't remember anything, and telling murder stories in the fancy french party. this absolutely is a man who has memorized a bunch of stories and will crank them out when needed

- wanting to win social interactions. do i even need to elaborate

- slightly uncomfortable with the vocal, focuses on the physical. this momentarily changes in episode 9, but in general he is shown to struggle with words and also somewhat uncomfortable with people noticing this change in him. like when he hypes stede back up during the dumb treasure hunt and lucius is like heh that's cute. ed is NOT having it and does not want to be perceived like this. obvs this can be seen as general emotional repression, but i'm putting it into the bin of struggling to unmask/attached to own routines and scripts of who he is supposed to be with other people.

- MORE ON THIS: i know this was most likely written to emphasize the mask coming down and that the man to kiss stede on the beach was edward teach and not blackbeard, but the fact that the big speech about what makes ed happy was in third person just screams vocal/linguistic disconnect to me. like when you have all these feelings you might not know how to filter because you've been churning them out through several crafted fronts (blackbeard, the kraken, etc.), how do you just be yourself and? let people know shit? he doesn't even fucking know who ed is but he's getting there (or was until episode 10 happened)

- this in general though, he seems to have different sets of learnt traits he shows around different people and things get weird and murky when they're supposed to intersect and it doesn't work, i.e. when he's hanging out with both calico jack and stede.

- also, that scene with lucius telling him to get it together during the treasure hunt really actually emphasizes his body language. i feel like this happens often in the show, but can't remember when else, maybe with izzy at some point? anyway, whenever he is speaking with someone who is not stede, he's just kind of frowning and his eyes are bouncing everywhere and not focusing on the one he's speaking with. it was probably written as an intense and comical processing face, but i'm just. hmm. lack of eye contact can be hard to include on film but here i think it was obvious even if it wasn't intentional. like ok. ok ok ok.

- more body language stuff: extremely jumpy when the lady at the french boat party proceeds to touch his beard, has a meltdown of sorts immediately after. the sounds becoming louder and louder and the paranoia he has about everyone laughing at him were actually a great portrayal of this, imho.

- before knowing stede, the whole thing seems like a hyperfixation. like, ed hears one (1) thing of this absolute silly madman and suddenly drops the arguably very little business he has going on, becomes fixated, and starts following stede around just because why not.

- and then of course at the end the mask goes back on, but it's 100 times worse because the crying sequence shows the viewer that he's probably masking more intentionally than he was in the beginning of the show. masking has become so much more exhausting now that he's somewhat realized who he could be if he wasn't masking, but also the betrayal if stede being gone and izzy being an ass is too much to handle without the mask.

#blackbeard #edward teach #our flag means death #ofmd #ed #autistic #autistic ed #autistic blackbeard #neurodivergent #ok and encouraged to rb! #my partner is a genius mark my words #my themmie

[pikahlua]

I posted 417 times in 2021

385 posts created (92%)

32 posts reblogged (8%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 1,459 tags in 2021

#mha manga spoilers - 209 posts

#my hero academia manga spoilers - 207 posts

#mha spoilers - 205 posts

#my hero academia spoilers - 204 posts

#anon ask - 152 posts

#izuku midoriya - 113 posts

#meta - 107 posts

#katsuki bakugou - 106 posts

#my hero academia - 88 posts

#bakudeku - 68 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Shitposters: If Deku was laid up and unstable in the hospital, Katsuki’d prob be like, “If that dumbass dies, I’ll kill him.”

Horikoshi: Yeah, actually literally that.

1015 notes • Posted 2021-01-21 13:04:35 GMT

#4

there's something i can't put my finger on about the scene where kid katsuki finds out that izuku doesnt have a quirk (i believe its a flashback when they fight all might) and it bothers me every time i think about it. its like the point where he really starts believing his own hype and breaking away from thinking anyone else is on his level. i think specifically because izuku isn't on that level anymore? someone he actually thought could rival him as a kid? maybe? the dialogue is pretty in your face but i always feel like theres a subtext im not grasping. of course theres a BUNCH of other emotions on top of it because kacchans havin a little freak out but that whole ep in particular does make me wonder how much katsuki actually acknowledged izuku before their quirks were a thing

Assuming I'm understanding correctly, you’re looking at the flashback from Deku vs Kacchan (S01E07).

And you’re not wrong: Katsuki singles Izuku out even before his Explosion quirk develops.

((Side note: The two characters I relate to the most in the entire series are Izuku and Katsuki as four-year-olds. It’s almost unnerving to me, actually. I had so many similar childhood experiences (well, I imagine many people did, there’s so much that’s universal in that bit of the story), and honestly this is the first dynamic that got me invested in the story.))

My opinions about this flashback have changed over time, even undergoing a drastic change...just now while watching it again, lol.

You see, for reference, I am of the opinion that Katsuki has a unique, meaningful perspective about the world, and he knows it. I’m not talking about his obsession with power or victory, nor am I talking about his arrogance or superiority and inferiority complexes.

I think Katsuki has opinions about the world, recognizes they are different from those of most people, and realizes that society’s views are very often superficial and meaningless in comparison. And I’m not just talking about his treatment of Ochako and rejection of first place at the sports festival.

I see it as early as episode 1 when everyone except Katsuki laughs at Izuku for wanting to apply to the UA hero course even though he’s quirkless.

I see it in episode 2 when Katsuki ignores the praise from pro heroes to focus on Izuku, whom the pro heroes are simultaneously scolding.

See the full post

1125 notes • Posted 2021-06-11 02:56:41 GMT

#3

Oh hi Star

In the past, I was saved by an exchange student from Japan. I was on the way to the Santa Monica Pier with my family. A fleeing robber came and attacked our car. I thought, 'At least let my sister---' as I was prepared to die, and at that moment

See the full post

1363 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 05:48:47 GMT

#2

Fanon!Bakugou, crying, whispering: Why am I awake while you’re still sleeping?

Canon!Bakugou, screaming his head off and spitting blood as he’s carried off tied up through the hospital hallway like a human sacrifice: WHY AM I AWAKE WHILE YOU’RE STILL SLEEPIIIIIIIIIIIIING????

1365 notes • Posted 2021-02-25 10:26:02 GMT

#1

I think about this moment a lot. It fascinates me.

See the full post

1877 notes • Posted 2021-03-09 03:04:37 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey steph!! i was wondering, what do u think abt the rumours of a s5 of sherlock?? 👀👀👀 i have no idea if it’s true of not, tbh, ive kind of lost hope that there ever WILL be a s5 😂😅

Anonymous asked: Hey Steph :) I was genuinely wondering; Do you think there will be another season? Personally, I don't. Wby?

--------

Anonymous asked: Hi Steph! Well you’ve probably talked about this before, but if you don’t mind answering, do you really believe there’s still a chance for season 5?

I feel like a shitty fan for losing my expectations, but to me the S4 finale (with those scenes of how their life continued and Mary's speech) felt more like a series finale rather than just a season finale.

I know that hope dies last, and of course if tomorrow they announced an S5 my family would have to call an ambulance to stabilize me, but it’s hard to keep the faith when it’s been 5 years without a hint of anything.

Hey Lovelies! *HUGS*

Ooof this seems like something I've been putting aside for too long, hahaha.

I've talked about this in the past several times on these posts:

S5 Posts (Masterlist Apr 2020)

What are your current thoughts about S5

Do you think S5 will happen? (Oct 2020)

Do you still have hopes for an S5 (Nov 2020)

Do You Think S5 Will Happen? (March 2021)

Addressing the S5 Rumours

Did They Confirm a Season 5?

Proof of Mofftiss Baiting Us

What would You like to see in S5?

There's a tonne more, but I think those are the relevant ones to the conversation.

First off, it's okay to both HOPE and LOSE HOPE. It's normal, as long as you – ugh I hate this phrase but it's most descriptive –"manage those expectations"; be HAPPY if it is announced, but don't be a douche if it never is, because like one of y'all said, S4 really had a finale feel to it, and it really felt like they were trying to pitch another show about Mary or James Bond or something. I have a lot more negative, more gossipy thoughts, but I'll omit them from this answer.

Essentially, while I DO hope we'll get one some day, if only to correct whatever the heck S4 was, I DON'T want to give anyone false hopes that it WILL happen. I've worked in media nearly half my life, and EVERYTHING going on is all clickbait and shitposting because we live in an age where likes and clicks are more important than factual news, and until we hear an official announcement from a Studio or Network, we need to just take those nuggets as grain of salt. ALL past seasons WERE announced by the BBC AND Pinewood, THEN by Moffat hours later, THEN by any networks picking it up for international distribution. As I've said in the past, Moffat KNOWS Sherlock The Brand™ gets him clicks and whatever money he wants, so he will tease it until he's bored of it.

A narcissist wins a few Emmys and suddenly he thinks he's god's gift to television.

BUT given the general disinterest in a Season 5 from everyone involved (Ben and Martin nearly cringe every time S4 is brought up), actor schedules being booked right through to 2025 at the EARLIEST, the websites tied to the show have elapsed and expired years ago, I think we won't get anything more than a one-off special again as a 20 year anniversary or something, after the bitter taste of S4 has become a distant memory in the public's eye.

And, personally, I think it's better they leave it be. Yes, I love the show, and would love to see it continue. It was really something special, and one that brought together people in ways I've NEVER seen in any fandom I've been in before. But I think the problem with Sherlock WAS Mofftiss; they got too full of themselves, thought they could do no wrong, and did their experimental "The Mary Show" and James Bond spinoffs with a MAIN SERIES SHOW, destroying everything they had all because they were petty that people guessed their plot lines, so they literally tanked their own show just so they could have a "Shyamalan twist".

Okay, that last bit is pure speculation, but I can't help but feel like that's what it was when they shat on fans, especially Johnlockers, every chance they got.

SO TL;DR, no, I don't think we're getting another season, at least not within the next 2 years. 2026 is the Earliest I guess unless they officially denounce an S5, but 2030 for the 20 year anniversary. That's it.

I'm sorry, all, if that's not what you wanted to hear. I don't think it would be responsible of me to hype it up as happening either, since I certainly don't have any inside information.

Speculate! Theorize! Write stories and meta! HAVE FUN! That's the fandom experience, and staying on that baseline of reality, I've learned, is MUCH better for your mental health. Just don't expect Mofftiss to deliver any time soon. Sherlock tells us always to look at the facts, and the facts show that it ain't happening anytime soon.

BUT I could be wrong, and I'll happily go back to theorizing and speculating more often again. For now, Fandom is where I think is the "level" place to be. You're welcome to this blog if you think a new series will happen tomorrow, just don't shit on people who don't think it is. Post S4 was a goddamned nightmare, let's not repeat that. Fandom should be fun, not draining. <3

#steph replies #s5 shitposting #chatting with nonnies #my thoughts #shitposting steph #sorry if you don't like my answer #false hopes is what tore apart this fandom #i refuse to contribute to it again #if you believe fine #i'm not a gatekeeper of fandom

[azureflight]

My entire friend group have uninstalled WoW and started FF14

It still feels surreal we are doing this. Now, it is perfectly possible that we will be back to WoW within the month, talking about how disappointing the “weeb game” was, but, this stills feels like a seminal moment.

I have been a Warcraft fan since I was a literal kid trying (and failing :P) to play Tides of Darkness on my aunt’s desktop. I spent so many hours and so much of my allowance playing Reign of Chaos in internet cafes. 

When WOTLK trailer dropped, we had hijacked the computer lab and projected it to the auditorium for all to see. 

I have been part of real life, unironic Horde vs Alliance infighting in college gaming clubs. I remember us all wearing Horde/Alliance merch, enthusiastically and rather foolishly, but completely seriously, arguing about lore, about who did what wrong and who was “more at fault”.

I own, almost every single Warcraft book, comic, guide ever published. I own hard copies, I own digital copies. I have watched and read and listened to every single piece of lore ever produced about this setting.

I have kept my sub up and played through all of the content draught, the infamous SoO, the practically less than 2 patch worth expac that was WoD.

I have allowed my sub to lapse for the first time during BFA. 

I was so hyped for Shadowlands back when it was announced, and was annoyed when they changed the release date, causing me to waste my vacation time that I had taken for it. But a mere month of the expac in and I was already bored of it. And now, 9.1 is out and I am done. I barely played this patch and I have not only cancelled my sub, but went and removed the game from my PC.

Maybe this is a stupid overreaction and in the next patch, at the worst the next expac, I will be right back at the fur shop like the old fox I am. However, I know it feels different.

Throughout the years, I had many a thing that frustrated me about this game. Made me rage even. But I hadn’t quit then. No. The feeling that has been creeping up on me, isn’t rage. It is disinterest. I just, don’t care anymore. 

Most of my friends over the years have switched to the Horde and this has been a sore spot for me. I stuck with Alliance, having some alts to play with them, and they had some Alliance alts to play with me, but... It wasn’t the same, it wasn’t enough. Several online friends, I had already lost contact with.

And now we are all gathering in FF14! I had the discord chat of my life! So many people I hadn’t talked to in years, on top of my actual real life friends whom I hang out with, are all jumping into this new journey.

My best friend’s progression guild is looking to make a full guild transfer, currently all of them except one have characters and a guild in FF, trying to convince the last guy to make the switch.

And then there is the lore. That’s why I fell in love with this setting in the first place. I loved this story, the cheese, the heroism, the over the topness, all of it. It was never “high art”, but it was unique in its own way, it had heart and it had characters and stories that I got invested in. Deeply so. I hadn’t start playing WoW because I was a connoisseur of MMORPG genre and “calculated it to be the best among its contemporaries”. I dived head first in Vanilla because it was Warcraft.

And now, I honestly cannot bring myself to care about this story, or its characters, other than a passing resentment. This was not the case, less than a year ago. I had bought the bloody Shadows Rising novel, I had read it and I liked it.

Now I am just, over it. This sense was rising, this sense of feeling less and less care for it, as expac after expac went in wildly nonsensical directions. But I had things that I had liked well enough to keep at it and have hope, hope for a good enough story that would keep me engaged. But I lost it. Something broke in 9.1.

I guess I realized, or rather I perceive, that the actual writers of this story do not care about it and none of it matters. There is no story. There is no plot, no continuity. Just an endless stream of “cool” shots in cinematics that ultimately don’t matter because, it has no basis and it has no relevance. It exists because someone wanted to make this cool scene, without caring what came before it, or what will come after it. Each scene exist, not to progress a cohesive story, but simply because someone wanted it to exist. And the next “cool” piece will flagrantly retcon the last one, ignoring or outright invalidating the stakes and hooks that had been set up in the previous one. 

This is no longer a story of people, who were dramatic and weird and fantastical, but ultimately people. No. This is now a check list of what someone wanted to do in WoW setting and all the characters are empty puppets and all the plots matter only as much as they matter in any given single cinematic or questline. There is no pay off, and there is no logic. Characters aren’t allowed to live and react. Things only happen because the author said so, and the characters just bend and transform to do their bidding. And they feel no reason to explain nor establish as to why a character acts the way they do, let alone trying to make it believable or internally justified.

The gameplay aspect is the least important to me, the exact opposite of the majority. But I am sick and tired being punished with powerlessness for what I like story wise or aesthetically. I am sick and tired needing to read through guides upon guides, copying meta builds, just to have my class be remotely playable.

And most importantly, I am sick and tired of a game that will put me through genocide, deny me justice and vengeance under the guise of need for cooperation and then deny me playing with my friends across factions.

Now I get to play with all of my friends without jumping over the hoops or giving up on what I love. Because there are no stupid factions in FF14. And I can play multiple classes without hating myself.

I had several favorite characters in this game. They are still, mostly, alive. But do I care about them anymore? Jaina, Anduin, Sylvanas, Turalyon, Tyrande, Genn... No. I don’t care and it doesn’t even hurt anymore, it just feels like I had wasted my time and money. It feels exactly like how I felt during season 8 of GoT. An empty feeling of waste, so I leave.

Will I care about the characters or the story in FF14? I don’t know. I don’t think I will stick around if I don’t. But will I go back to WoW? A piece of me wants to hope for a superb turn around, but... Honestly? I don’t see it happening. And anything less than an epic turn around that fixes all of this, the lore, the classes, the playerbase division? I won’t bother anymore.

So off to the greener pastures! Maybe I will come crawling back within the blink of an eye, eating this post, repenting for ever having left. Maybe... I just don’t think so.

#World of Warcraft #shadowlands #Anduin Wrynn #Jaina Proudmoore #Sylvanas Windrunner

[carinyms]

I've scrolled through a lot of discourse on episode 4 of Loki and I need to talk about it

(good lord its a whole essay im sorry)

I gave myself a headache from crying while watching this. (I joined the Loki fandom post-IW so I’ve never had to see him die before while emotionally invested and boy!!! Is it doing things to my fragile psyche!!). But now I’m rehydrated and more stable and ready to party so let’s go

Right off the bat, I loved this episode — loved it loved it loved it. Silly, manic in-shock Loki is gone and shit is getting real. My thought while watching this was truly “wow this is my favorite episode so far” and damn am I in a minority with this opinion lol.

So here’s my perspective on some of the discourse flying around, and just general thoughts

On the whole ‘Narcissist’ thing:

IMO, Mobius saying this means nothing: he’s mad and he’s spouted lies at Loki to push his buttons before (see: every interaction they’ve had since episode 1).

Loki saying this to Sif-- well, Loki is and always has been an unreliable narrator on himself. The major theme of this show is that he doesn’t really know who he is, deep down, and he’s trying to figure it out. The TVA is taking advantage of this, and even though he’s trying to stay above it all throughout the series, he's still in a really impressionable spot and absorbing what others tell him about himself. (not to mention this scene is literal torture and he’s already proven that he’ll say whatever he needs to to get out of it.)

But he does admit one true thing when he says “It’s because I’m scared of being alone.” (And like wow okay same don’t mind my tears) but here’s a big brain idea!

Sif pulls him up and says ‘You are alone, and you always will be’, which is like, WOW that’s cruel after what he said, but it makes me ask wonder: Sif is sentient in this scene, but obviously it’s not really her. Who’s controlling her? And why is it so important for them to make sure Loki thinks he’s alone? I’d go as far as to wager that Sif never even said this to Loki, the big bad made this up. (he admits he forgot about this ever happening, I doubt he’d remember what she said.)

I think the nexus event on Lamentis that caused the branch was two Loki’s joining sides. Or, Loki no longer being alone. Loki insists while talking to Mobius that “she’s not my partner!” but she was, and they were partners from the moment they grabbed hands on Lamentis — right when the timeline broke off. I think Loki variants teaming up is the biggest threat to whoever is pulling the strings here — that’s why the post-credit scene is so significant. (Is Loki the only person who has multiple variants of himself who've escaped the TVA?)

And here’s where I’m gonna get salty--so I apologize but i need to rant about this-- but it’s seriously pissing me off that so many people are intentionally reading this as Loki/Sylvie and then being mad about it when that’s clearly not what’s happening and why is everyone acting like Mobius with one angry jealous brain cell and no critical thinking about the context of the characters.

If people ship it that’s chill, but for the people who are against it—it’s clearly supposed to be platonic, and it’s so upsetting that in the year of our lord 2021 we still can’t have a man and woman hold hands without people saying it’s proof they want to f*ck each other, like what in the misogyny??? STOP. This show was written by a bi woman and Tom the-most-emotionally-sensitive-man-on-this-planet Hiddleston — let them display an intimate loving friendship goddammit. This isn’t romance, this is Loki learning how to admit he cares for someone who cares for him in return — something he hasn’t experienced a whole lot of and clearly doesn’t know how to navigate.

(You have permission to personally come at me if it actually turns out to be romantic by the end of the show—but as of right now I will die on this hill.)

Him putting his hands on her shoulders to me was a clear indication he wanted to hug her, and I’d like to think he would have told her he cares about her, and that they can figure it out together. Because these are two characters who’ve never had anyone else to rely on and trust, and for the first time they’re not alone.

And I have to think about what prompted this from Loki. He just lost Mobius the moment after he called him friend. The way I see it, he’s just realized the true gravity of what they’re up against, and Loki is suddenly very afraid of losing Sylvie too before he tells her cares about her, of dying truly alone because he never told anyone what they meant to him. (Don’t think about this in the context of him also having watched his entire family die knowing he never told Frigga or Thor how much he loved them either don’t think about it—) He’s realized, finally, that he has doesn’t have to be alone, that he can choose to be close to people and have friends. And god it’s so heartbreaking that he never got to hug her or have that moment with her. I really hope they get that in the end. I hope he gets it with Mobius. I hope they have a group hug. I'm upset again.

Okay, deep breath, ANYWAY.

Hopefully this didn’t come off as attacking anyone else’s opinions.

Personally, I love this character so much, I’m just so happy to be seeing him in his own storyline that they can’t go wrong here. Objectively I think the production is amazing, and personally I love they way Loki’s character has been explored so far. (Yea yea, was I HOPING that the bad-memory loop would morph into Sanctuary and Thanos and like a full exploration of his true worst memories? Yes but let’s be honest my whump needs will never be met in canon and I have to accept that lol.)

Honestly I left all my own meta about this character at the door when the series started, because for me the opinions I’ve formed from the hundreds of (amazing) fics and meta I’ve read on this character and what’s true in canon are basically inseparable at this point, and no portrayal is going to live up to the way Loki exists in my head. Canon Loki and fic Loki are two different characters and I can enjoy both at the same time :) I’ve just loved seeing the character get given the different dimensions he deserves, and written by people who care about his story.

Also, it’s not over! If he was dead and this was it I’d be very upset, but this is the rock bottom of the storyline, and I think the whole next two episodes will be the build back up. I trust it’s gonna be worth it. SO hyped for flaming sword Loki. I would die for Sylvie, but I’m excited to see him on his own again.

My current most pressing questions are:

-what was the fallout of Sylvie’s bombing the timeline? (Have we seen that yet, am I just dumb and missing something?)

-Obviously, who’s behind it all? (Kang? Is there a head honcho Very Evil Loki at the top?)

-How much does Ravonna actually know, and to what extent is she just a pawn too? She asked Sylvie to prune her— she’s probably also been duped here.

-Is everything we learned about the sacred timeline BS? How much of what the TVA workers believe is real?

-my favorite theory so far is that the war of the timelines miss minutes talks about hasn’t actually happened yet, maybe making setting that into motion is the true endgame, leading into Multiverse of Madness?

(Side note: holy HELL im so excited for this soundtrack to drop on Spotify. It’s SO AMAZING I had CHILLS in the end credits.)

Open invitation to discuss anything with me if you feel inclined! :)

#if you read all of this please come say hi and be my friend because I don't know if even I'd read all this lol #loki #loki show #loki series #loki show spoilers #loki spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki show discourse #loki show positive #my disaster son has a show