#ok? ok. that means I’m greatly limited to what a person my age — a person settled into an urban environment- is

[bruciemilf]

I can’t explain how fucking inconvenient a lack of local transport is

#here’s the thing. I’m a 21 year old. I don’t drive. I don’t want to drive. not because I have the expectation that #ppl should drive me everywhere. but because I’m unbiasedly aware I’d be a danger to myself and others if I ever got behind a wheel #ok? ok. that means I’m greatly limited to what a person my age — a person settled into an urban environment- is #there’s no bus in my area. no taxi service. there’s exactly 10 people in my village who have a license. I can’t go grocery shopping. #I can’t run errands. I can’t get issues solved. delivery places won’t deliver in my area because the distance is too big #just. GOD. It’s so fucking frustratating watching politicians— my policitians especially— throw their money on stupid shit #when the community structure is barely holding on to life. so fucking enraged #rant #text

[twomoonstwosuns]

in too deep.

back to you [series masterlist]

previous part · next part

pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader

warnings: alcohol, smut (18+), swearing, age gap (reader over 18), everything consensual

word count: 4.0k

a/n: tag list is open, let me know if you wanna be added! feedback is greatly appreciated. also this whole series has gotten such a great response so thank you so much <3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do you want to go on a date with me?

Want to get a drink with me sometime?

You had rehearsed it in your head seventy time since you got ready for class that morning.

The only thing you didn’t have prepared was what he would do if he actually said yes.

You knocked on Poe’s office door, the momentum from your knuckles causing the door to move in place. “You wanted to see me?”

Poe gestured you in, pausing the cleanup of all the papers on his desk. He left the door open, the tiny glimmer of hope that office sex would happen going straight out the window.

“Yeah, I finally found that book for you.”

Poe pointed to the thick book on his desk. You walked in and picked it up, thumbing through a few pages in the middle. You had been talking to Kaydel before Poe’s class a few days prior about a paper you were starting to write but finding very few sources for and he had heard you, mentioning to you that he might have something that would help.

“Shit, this is heavy,” you said, putting it into your bag. “Thank you, really. I’ll try to get it back to you soon.”

“Take your time with it. There’s a lot of info you might find useful in there, you might need to keep it for a while to be thorough. It’s not exactly at the top of my reading list right now, so I won’t miss it.”

You smiled appreciatively. Your brain told you this was your opportunity, the question on the very tip of your tongue. You opened your mouth to speak, but Poe spoke first.

“There’s something else.” You raised your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. He let out a heavy sigh as he busied himself with piling up the papers on his desk. “I have a date tonight.”

Your lips parted like you wanted to say something, only you realized you didn’t know what to say. You were quiet for a moment, clearing your throat as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other.

“Oh.” You feigned nonchalance, but your mind was racing with questions. You kept your face as neutral as possible. “Ok.”

Poe finally glanced up at you, looking for any signs of protest.

“I know what we’re doing is casual—“

“It is,” you replied a little too quickly. “I mean, it is. Casual.”

The added inflection of the word was not lost on Poe. His brow furrowed just a little as he studied you. You avoided his eye, instead adjusting the strap of your backpack.

“Thanks for letting me know.” You backed towards the door, finally meeting his eye and giving him a tight-lipped smile. “I gotta go, but have fun tonight.”

Poe opened his mouth to stop you as you turned away but he didn’t say anything. You had already rushed out. With his hands on his hips, he looked down at the papers in front of him, thinking how he kind of didn’t want to go on this date, but it was probably for the best that he did. He was getting too attached to whatever you called what you were doing. That didn’t stop the sting in his chest upon having to tell you.

But you did seem upset about it, and it posed a question in Poe’s mind: why would you be upset about that if you didn’t care?

Perhaps he was overthinking it, reading too much into it, but he couldn’t help but feel elated at the idea of you not being ok with him going on this date. He replayed your whole visit in his mind, from the moment you smiled at him to your face falling at his news. He told himself that there was in fact jealousy in your response, and Poe suddenly didn’t care if the date went well or not, because there wasn’t going to be a second one. He really hoped he was right about you, because maybe it meant you wanted a more than a physical relationship.

Stars know Poe did.

You waited until you were a safe distance away from Poe’s office to let out a loud sigh. A heavy weight landed on your chest and you wished you hadn’t stepped foot in his office. He interrupted you before you could ask him out, but you could’ve asked him not to go after he told you. But you didn’t, and you missed your chance.

“Y/N!” Karé greeted you happily as soon as you stepped foot in your apartment. “What do you say to going to Maz’s tonight? Celebrate the beginning of our last ever semester of undergrad?”

You dropped your backpack, thinking before nodding with a smile.

“Let’s do it.”

You quickly changed into something nicer and did your hair and makeup, meeting up with your roommates in a record thirty minutes. The walk to the bar was a cold one, but better than trying to deal with someone staying sober to drive home or worrying about leaving a car somewhere overnight.

Maz’s was a sports bar frequented by college kids Thursday through Saturday, though it was still popular amongst the locals. The owner, Maz Kanata, was an older woman with a zest for life so grand that she could keep up with hundreds of drunken college students each weekend. She got to know her customers and was a very well known by everyone.

“Alright, quick question before we start drinking,” you said as you slid into a booth with Jessika on your right and Karé across from you, two drinks in front of each of you. “Hypothetically, how would bring up possibly going on a date with the person you’re casually sleeping with who just so happens to be out on a date right now?”

Jessika nearly choked on her drink.

“Hypothetically? Since when do you want a relationship with your booty call?”

You glanced at Karé,who didn’t look as surprised as Jessika. Since your confession to her the night you came back from Poe’s, she had a feeling that you were feeling something different.

“I’ve been really enjoying myself with him lately. And the way he makes me feel…I just thought maybe we could get to know each other, see if it could go anywhere beyond physical. But I also don’t want to scare him away thinking I’m looking for commitment. And I don’t want to ruin what we already have going, which might happen if I ask for a date and he says no.” You expressed all of your concerns; the words just tumbling out like word vomit and you hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol yet.

“You said he’s out on a date right now?” Karéasked, giving you a sympathetic look. You nodded.

“My stomach dropped so hard when he told me. I’m surprised I managed to keep my cool.” You couldn’t help but glance at the time on your phone. It was still early in the evening, just getting to 7p.m., and you wondered if Poe was getting ready to leave or if he was already out. “I don’t know, maybe I should just be happy with what I’ve got. I might not get him for much longer if his date goes well.”

“I think you’re thinking too much.” Karésaid.

“If you told us who he is…” Jessika hinted, but you shut her down with a single look. She held her hands up defensively. “Alright, alright, I won’t ask again. All I can say then is go with your gut, not your heart. Just make sure you’re sober.”

You nodded in agreement as you took a sip of your drink. Your heart was telling you to go for it, risk getting it broken, but your gut was telling you to think about it. Was it really a good idea to get into a relationship with your professor?

Your night with Poe had not left your mind once. Everything from the subtle touch of his fingers in your hair and the lingering kiss he left on your forehead to the way he listened to you attentively without judgment was replaying on a constant loop. You also couldn’t help but think of the little things you’d become so fond of: the crinkle of his eyes and the dimple in his cheek when he smiled, the way he sometimes got passionately carried away when talking during class, and the way his tongue would peek out when he was heavily concentrated on something.

You were getting in so fucking deep that you didn’t know how you’d come out of this without a broken heart.

Two-for-ones turned into two more and soon you found yourself swaying drunkenly to whatever music was playing in the bar. You knew your limits, allowing yourself to enjoy your drinks to the point that you wouldn’t start pouring out all of your secrets. But you did get drunk enough to make some not-so-smart decisions, which is what you did when you stepped outside and called Poe. He didn’t answer his phone, but you left him a very explicit voicemail telling him how much you wanted to fuck him in that moment and all the things you wanted to do to him.

Like your thoughts, your dreams tended to get a little dirty when you drank too much.

You woke the next morning, slightly hungover with a deep desire and an ache in your core only Poe could fulfill. The smell of hash browns and bacon had wafted into your room, the thought of a greasy breakfast making your mouth water. Stepping into the kitchen, you immediately hid your face in the hood of your sweatshirt as your head throbbed, the sunlight glistening on the white snow and making it unbearably bright. Snap stood at the counter, a mug of coffee already made up and he handed it off to you.

“Were you at the bar last night?” You asked, taking a sip and relishing in the feeling of the hot drink warming your insides. Snap chuckled.

“You don’t remember?” You shook your head. “You three got drunk and barely made it down the block before you were walking into snow banks. Karé called me to come pick you guys up.”

“Coffee, breakfast, and a sober cab. I owe you so much,” you mumbled as he set food in front of you. “By the way, if the other two aren’t out here in fifteen minutes, I’m eating their breakfast.”

Snap sat down next to you, stealing a piece of bacon from your plate and getting his hand chased away by your fork. “Karé told me you had a rough night last night.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “My…friend had a date last night.”

“And you’re mad about that because…”

“Because it should be me out with him. I like him and he’s out with some other girl. God, I’m pathetic.”

“You’re not.” Snap assured you. “I don’t need to tell you that friends with benefit type relationships cause complications. You’re experiencing it right now. Just do what’s best for you and if things don’t work out like you want, I’ll gladly be your sober cab.”

You smiled and gave him your last piece of bacon. “You rock, Snap Wexley.”

“I know,” he said, standing up and taking away your empty plate. “Go shower, you smell like a distillery.”

You stuck your middle finger up at him as you walked out of the kitchen, a shower actually sounding very welcoming at that moment. Breakfast and your heart-to-heart with Snap hadn’t quelled the deep desire within you, and you nearly took care of it in the shower but stopped yourself. You expected Poe to ask you about the voicemail you left him, but what if he was still busy with his date this morning?

Your phone rang as you stood in your room in your towel and your heart jumped when Poe’s name flashed across the screen.

“You know, I was just thinking about you.”

“Funny, I was too.”

The question was out before you could stop it, and you mentally slapped yourself for sounding so pathetic.

“How was your date?”

“It was nice,”Poe said and you gulped, wondering how you were going to fake being excited for him. “Didn’t really feel a spark with her though, so I’m not going out with her again.”

You pulled the phone away from your mouth and let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you said, not the least bit genuine. Poe had to hold back a laugh. His suspicions about you caring were correct.

“It is what it is,” he said. “I want to talk to you about that voicemail you left me last night.”

“What about it?” you teased. You knew exactly what he wanted to know.

“Are you planning on sharing the details of those ideas you had with me?”

“Maybe. What’re you doing later?”

“You, hopefully.”

“I’ll come over in a bit.”

“My door will be open for you.”

“See you soon.”

You hung up the phone, acutely aware that it probably wasn’t the best idea for you to go over there. But thanks to your dirty thoughts and dreams, you were practically shaking with arousal. You were addicted to him. He affected all of your senses.

And if you couldn’t have him the way you wanted, you’d have him in any way you could.  

》  》  》

Just as he promised, Poe’s door was unlocked. You slipped inside quietly and were taking your winter layers off when Poe came around the corner. He was shirtless with a pair of dark grey sweatpants hanging loosely on his hips, the chain of his necklace glinting in the soft overhead light. You couldn’t help but gawk at him.

“I’m flattered, but you didn’t have to get all dressed up for me,” you said sarcastically.

“I figured we’d save a couple of steps,” he said as he took a few steps closer to you. His hair was damp and messy, like he had just finished drying it. You gulped as he took you in, eyeing you like a predator eyes its prey. “So, about that voicemail…”

You walked slowly into his apartment, deciding to toy with him a little bit. You took care not to touch him as you passed him.

“To be completely honest Poe, I don’t really remember what I said in that voicemail,” you said, running your hand across the top of the table. “But then I had this dream…”

You took your sweatshirt off, leaving you in a thin black tank that did nothing to hid the fact you didn’t bother to put on a bra. You looked at Poe over your shoulder with a smirk on your face. “…and that I remember very clearly.”

Poe chuckled lowly, throwing his head back and looking at you. “You’re a tease, you know that?”

You cocked your head to the side, licking your lips slowly while studying Poe. You crooked your finger at him, lust burning behind your eyes accompanied by a look of pure desire. Poe walked over to you, his curiosity spiking. You could see he was already starting to get hard at the mere thought of what you wanted to do, even though you hadn’t actually touched him yet. He pressed his body along yours, backing you against the side of the couch. His brown eyes roamed your face, memorizing every inch, every freckle, and every line, and you were sure you forgot how to breathe.

“Show me,” he demanded, his breath fanning over your lips as he grasped your hips. You let out an airy laugh and pressed your hand against his bare chest, your voice just barely above a whisper.

“Well, it started out like this…”

You leaned up, running your lips over the vein in his neck and following it up to his jaw, gently nipping at it. His grip on your hips tightened and he groaned when you wouldn’t put your lips against his own, where he really wanted them. You were drawing this out, teasing him as your hand floated down his chest and to the waistband of his sweatpants.

“And then…”

You said it so quietly that Poe felt the words against his skin rather than heard them. You gently took his bottom lip between your teeth, giving a gentle tug as your hand slipped into his hands and wrapped around the base of his cock. That was the final straw for Poe as he claimed your mouth with his. He grabbed the side of your neck as he tried to take control, but you had other plans. You took his hand off of your neck and pulled away, your cheeks flushed and lips swollen. He gazed at you through dark, hooded eyes, arching an eyebrow in interest at what you were going to do next.

You dropped down to your knees, one hand bringing his sweatpants down and the other applying a bit more pressure to his hardened cock. His head dropped back with a deep exhale as you took the head in your mouth. His hand found your hair and he tangled his fingers through your locks. With a flick of your wrist, you spread your saliva along his entire length. You ran your tongue along the underside of his cock before taking him fully in your mouth, your head bobbing as you sucked him off.

Your tongue swirled around the head and you looked up at him from your lashes. He was breathing heavily, his hands tightening in your hair whenever something felt particularly good. Your hand came up and cupped his balls, and he couldn’t help but springing his hips forward at the sensation.

“Fuck, sweetheart, that’s it.”

He was going to cum embarrassingly quickly. All his resolve flew out the window when he saw you looking over your shoulder at him with bedroom eyes, like he was a cool drink of water and you hadn’t had anything to drink in days. His hips bucked at the light scrape of your teeth, the feeling sending an unexpected jolt of pleasure through him.

“Stop.”

His cock left your mouth with a soft ‘pop’ and he pulled you up with his hand cupping your jaw. He stepped out of his sweatpants and you leaned in, not quite pressing your lips against his.

“I also seem to recall you saying something last week about bending me over a desk?”

You took a few steps back until you bumped into the table.

“It’s not a desk but I think it’ll still work.”

Poe followed you, turning you around so your back was against his chest. He locked one arm around your waist to keep you still. One hand gently pulled the strap of your tank top down, his mouth replacing where it laid on your shoulder while the other laid flat against your stomach, fingers splayed against your bare stomach and tracing small circles against your soft skin. You sighed dreamily as his lips sucked a mark onto the top of your shoulder, his teeth nipping just enough to send a jolt of heat straight to your core. You were positively dripping at this point. You pushed back against him, feeling his cock pressed against your back. Poe moved to the other shoulder, repeating the same action as you unhooked your arms from the straps. Your hand came up to cup the back of his head, your fingers tightening around his hair.

“Oh god, Poe…”

Poe dragged his lips from your shoulder up your neck, the wet trail stinging with cold with every breath he took against you. The smell of your hair was intoxicating. He enveloped the shell of your ear in his mouth, tugging on your earlobe with his teeth to make you whimper.

“Tell me what you want,” he growled. His hand dipped into your leggings, the groan he let out upon not finding another barrier vibrating against your skin. He rubbed lazy circles against your clit, putting just enough pressure on it to make you write in his embrace.

“You.” All of you; mind, body, you. Of course you’d never tell him that out loud. “Please, I need your cock inside me.”

Poe pushed your tank down your body, removing it along with your leggings and tossing them to the side. He pushed your body down onto the table, the wood cold against your breasts. You moaned as he ran his fingers along your pussy, feeling just how wet you were.

“You’re soaked,” he sounded pleased with himself and you gave him a small roll of your eyes. As if he didn’t know he had this effect on you. You bucked your hips against his fingers, needing to be filled to dull the ache of your pussy.

“Poe, don’t tease, please.”

Poe had a smartass remark on the tip of his tongue, something along the lines of how you had teased him and not being able to take what you dished out. But he was painfully hard and the way you were bent over for him with all of you on display made him not want to wait anymore. He guided his cock to your entrance and slid inside. The sudden intrusion made your lips part with a soft cry, the new angle allowing him to feel like he was impossibly deeper inside you. He didn’t wait for you to adjust, instead pulling out almost all the way and snapping his hips back home.

You expected it to be rough, but each thrust was deep and deliberate. Poe was making sure he put everything he felt into each snap of his hips. He wanted this, but he also wanted you. He held your hips tightly, finger-shaped bruises sure to be there later on. You rocked back against him with whatever strength you had, your hands desperately trying to grip the flat tabletop. You felt everything from this angle, the ridges of his cock against your tight walls and the table rubbing against your clit as your body moved. The sensation was overwhelming.

Your moans increased in volume as he increased his pace, both of your releases just out of reach. You had been so worked up before you got to his apartment that it didn’t take much for you to feel the heat low in your belly and the coil getting ready to snap. Poe hauled you upright, one hand tweaking your hardened nipples and the other rubbing your clit with ferocity. You clenched around his cock as your orgasm washed over you, your head falling back onto his chest. Poe wasn’t far behind, thrusting his hips once, twice into your sensitive pussy before spilling inside of you.

He held you against him as he pulled out of you, the mixture of your cum dripping down your leg. He then squeezed your hip, bringing your attention to him.

“We forgot a—“

“It’s fine,” you panted, realizing the same thing. “I’m on the pill.”

Poe set you carefully on the tabletop, stepping away from you and coming back with a washcloth. He cleaned up between your thighs, the gesture one of those little things he did that made your heart race. He tossed it aside and stood over you, hands on either side of your hips as he eyed the marks he left all over your neck and shoulders.

“Think you have a few more in you?”

You laughed.

“For you? Always.” You slid off the table, your legs still regaining strength. “But maybe in like five minutes.”

Poe smirked at you before leaning down and hoisting you over his shoulder. Your laugh was music to his ears, a beautiful song he wanted to play on repeat. You swatted his ass as he stepped over the discarded clothing and took you into his bedroom.

tag list [open!] - @ah-callie @darksideofclarke @gloomygoregirl @leilei-draws @imaginecrushes @i-ievu @brianamaree @yeeintensifies @spider-starry @krazykatkay456 @fanfiction-trashpile @afootnoteinyourhappiness

#poe dameron smut #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x reader insert #poe dameron #modern au #modern poe dameron #smut #back to you series

[neverforgetkpop]

Not Alone | Pt. 04

Summary: Hayoon has never had an easy life. From a very early age she learned that if she wanted to be a known designer, she would have to work harder than most. After years of working odd jobs since high school trying to take care of her family, at the age of 29 she has finally been offered the opportunity to become a stylist for one of the top entertainment companies in South Korea: SM Entertainment. Little does she know that working there will change her life forever.

Fashion, idols and love all in one. Will she be able to handle it, or will the pressure of it all make her give up on her dreams?  

Rating: M

Pairing: Jaehyun & Hayoon/Reader

Genre & Warning:  Strangers to lovers. Angst, eventual fluff and maybe smut. Talk about depression and abandonment.

A/N: My first NCT fanfic. I named the female character Hayoon. Though I wrote her a bit more mature, you can change her name to yours if you want. It’s written in 3rd person. I feel like I should add the (obvious) disclaimer that the story is not real, and though the characters are inspired by the members of NCT, they are not the members.  

PS. The name of the story is inspired by NCT 127’s Not Alone.

PT. 01 / PT. 02  / PT. 03

____________________________________

“Did you hear? They hired a new girl without any experience.”

“Yes, I even saw her interrupt Sang-Hee’s session.” The girl had a long braid down her back, her expression annoyed as she was surrounded by two other girls. “She even got here late. The audacity of her thinking she can have her way her first day.”

Hearing that conversation gave Hayoon flashbacks of high school. She was bullied and looked down upon because her mother abandoned them and her father was unable to work so she would sometimes see her classmates across a coffee shop counter after taking their order. She was old enough not to let things like that bother her, but she did find it ridiculous how there were people already talking about her, her first day.

Hayoon watched the girls walk out of the elevator in front of her before following out into the lobby.

“Hayoon!” she looked up at Sungho waiting for her. He smiled brightly at her as always.

Sungho had been the kid she used to fight with at lunch over dessert. They eventually decided to split the dessert and slowly they became friends. Since then on they had simply become part of each other’s lives. It was partly because of him that Hayoon had applied at SM. Sungho worked in SM as a photographer and made a few questions here and there before letting Hayoon know that there was a possible job opening.

“You didn’t have to wait for me.” Hayoon smiled falling into step next to him.

“You’re still new. You might get lost on your way down.”

“Right, cause I don’t know how to get to the lobby I came in through in the first place.”

After traffic, they made it to the bar close to her apartment where Minsuh and Yeona were already waiting with their first round of soju and beer.

“So? How was it?” Yeona asked serving them another round.

“Did you see any naked idols?” Minsuh raised her brows suggestively.

“Is that really your first question?” Sungho rolled his eyes.

“I bet she’ll see someone naked before you do.” Yeona said pointedly.

“I see idols shirtless from time to time,” he paused and rubbed his temple. “What am I even saying?” he drank from his glass.

“She probably saw someone shirtless today so your awesomeness has been greatly reduced.” Minsuh shrugged.

“And here I was thinking you’d want to listen to how much designer brands I saw in one rack alone.” Hayoon laughed more to herself.

“You can ignore them. I’ll listen to your day unlike them as always.” Sungho turned to her.

“You say that but where were you last week when she was having a meltdown?” Minsuh shot feigning innocence.

“It was not a meltdown thank you very much.”

“I was pulling an all-nighter.”

They both answered at the same time.

“Ok. For real now, how was it?” Yeona asked.

“My boss is obviously a woman who’s made a name for herself. The people seem nice. Tomorrow I have to get to the office at five am though.”

“Five am?” Minsuh looked shocked.

“I’m part of tomorrow’s morning team so I’ll be going to the bathroom before calling it a night,” she grabbed her bag and made her way to the bathroom.

“Did you really have to throw me under the buss?” Sungho shot Minsuh a deadly look.

“I mean we all know you work like crazy and if you didn’t you’d be with us so there was no harm in the comment. The real problem here is you still being this slow. It’s been over ten years. When will you make your move already?”

Sungho looked at Yeona for support. “Don’t look at me. If you don’t tell her how you feel you might never find out if you have a chance or not.”

Sungho sighed looking at his half-empty glass. He had been next to Hayoon for so long. He had seen her sort of date but never stick with anyone. She was always working, she was always taking care of her family and he was always there but she had never hinted at maybe liking him like he liked her.

-

“Good morning Hayoon.” Sang-Hee greeted her with a  bright smile. “I’m going to ask you to help with the setup for Johnny, Doyoung and Jaehyun’s racks before the members come in in an hour. I want you to meet them before we head out.”

“Head out?”

“Oh, we’re sending you with the team heading for Jaehyun’s shoot today. We want you to have the experience of working with the members when they need to perform as soon as possible. We have an hour so let’s get to it.”

Hayoon stood in the corner of the studio Jaehyun was shooting in finishing the notes she had taken of Jungwoo, Yuta, Taeil and Mark. She could immediately understand on another level what Sang-Hee meant when she said that she would see a lot of sides to the members. They were all extremely energetic at times, kind and professional too. She was starting to picture outfits for the seven members she had officially met. She hadn’t looked them up even after knowing she would work with them knowing that meeting them in person would be more helpful. Seeing how the person moved and held themself was always something she wanted to consider when making designs for specific people.

“You’re lucky you didn’t get Haechan with Jungwoo and Doyoung the same day.” Jaehyun laughed standing next to her. Hayoon suddenly jumped closing the notebook with her notes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.

They both bowed politely at each other.

“Good morning.” Hayoon greeted him.

“I hope the members weren’t too much this morning.”

“Oh, not at all. They were very polite.” Hayoon tried to hold back a smile remembering Jungwoo doing aegyo at Mark while Yuta wrapped an arm around Mark’s neck pulling him away from Jungwoo all while Taeil stood as  a bystander. “How does the jacket feel?” she quickly remembered why she was there.

Jaehyun had hair and makeup done, he had dressed as well and now stood in front of her like a full fledge idol compared to when they had met first.

“It’s good.”

“Want me to check the neck, seems like it might be digging into your neck,” she quickly noticed. Jaehyun nodded politely standing in front of a mirror. Hayoon moved around him. She tried to reach his neck but couldn’t find an angle where she could actually reach. Jaehyun suddenly crouched down a bit. “I have a better idea,” she said reaching for a stool close by. She quickly stepped onto it. Jaehyun smiled, his dimples present as always. He watched her work through the mirror, her hands brushing his neck briefly. He watched her brow furrow in concentration. “Ok, now turn around.”

He did as asked and faced her. They stood face to face thanks to the stool. Before either could do anything, Hayoon slipped from the stool onto Jaehyun’s arms. He held onto her steadying them both. Hayoon could feel his arms around her waist, her chest against his chest and suddenly her neck was warm. He gently put her down and let her go.

“Are you ok?” he cleared his throat asking nicely hoping his ears weren’t red.

“Yes. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

“Jaehyun they need you on stage.”

“Does it feel better?” Hayoon asked.

Jaehyun looked at himself in the mirror one last time moving the jacket around. “Yes. Much better thank you.”

“Oh, before you go I need to take a picture of the outfit,” she remembered Sang-Hee had asked her to do so before leaving the dressing room. Jaehyun stood against the door and posed. Hayoon realized not for the first time how attractive he was. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” he smiled before leaving the room.

Hayoon looked around the room feeling self-conscious suddenly, she could still feel Jaehyun’s arms around her waist. She wanted to hit herself for so many reasons in that moment. She started to question if she was truly that deprived of any physical contact with an attractive man when she remembered how deprived she actually was. She pushed the thoughts away. She was working, she shouldn’t be thinking about her personal needs during work, especially because of a young idol that was clearly off limits not only because of the obvious fact of him being an idol, but because she could clearly hear Eun Sook’s warning. Her needs would have to be silent, she wasn’t going to risk getting into trouble because she found an idol attractive. She was there to work and that was it.

#jaehyun #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun fic #nct 127 jaehyun #nct 127 fanfic #nct fanfic #nct au #not alone fic #jung jaehyun #jung jaehyun fic #nct jaehyun

[drtuberosum]

oh no oh h oh no

Today's the day I finally ramble about my dumbass idea for Megaman X characters in the Megaman Fully Charged world; let's go...

First off, rather than being robots, the characters are computer programs, because the concept of "Robots who live among humanity and sometimes go rouge" is kinda the premise of MMFC. Anyway here’s my reimagining of the X series oof,

(Lots of rambling under cut)

(I’m copy-pasting backstory I wrote a while ago oof)

During the Hard Age, Zero, a sentient computer virus, was created by humans to eradicate robots. The virus could wipe the data of infected machines. In response, the robots created antivirus X, a sentient antivirus, to counter it. However, X was a pacifist and only cured infected machines, but never killed the virus's central consciousness. Eventually the two fought face to face, but X still spared Zero. After many encounters, X still spared Zero. When Zero finally grew tired of X's persistent nature, he asked why he always spared Zero. X told him that he didn't believe in taking the lives of others. When he asked Zero why Zero was so aggressive, Zero couldn't answer. He was only doing what he was built to do. But X showed him a new light, a new idea that he could just exist *without* hurting people. So he did. He stopped infecting robots.

Those wishing for peace in the outer world saw this as an opportunity to create AIs that could help them do research and end the war. Eventually,

Programs (Neutral AIs with sentience and special abilities), were developed and Systems (Computer servers that can house Programs), were constructed in areas where cities would one day stand. Everything was wonderful. Peace treaties regarding Programs and Systems were signed and it was a new leaf. Nobody would ever create a virus like Zero again...

But that didn't mean that no new Viruses would be created. Chaos broke out during the end of the Hard Age. Sigma, a regular Program, had randomly glitched and became an Emergent Virus- One with unstable code, cunning intelligence, and a terrifying lack of morality. Unlike Zero, Sigma was infecting and mass-controlling robots *and* programs out of his own will and twisted views. No amount of humanity and kindness could change this Virus. X had no choice but to destroy Sigma's code.

After the outbreak, Humans, Robots, and Programs decided to cut the systems off from the computers of the Outer world in order to prevent viruses from leaving the systems. They would still be operated and the hardware maintained by the robots and humans, but Programs could not leave the Systems, and the Outer world could not access them. More antiviruses were developed in the systems in order to prevent Emergent Viruses from causing havoc. The Antiviruses also suppress (but don't delete) aggressive Programs that are non-viral, but causing harm and destruction.

Viruses:  Viruses are rare and powerful strands of code that are highly unstable. With the exception of Zero, all Viruses are Emergent- they're Programs that randomly glitched. Unlike Zero, the other 8 Viruses are malicious and lack morality.

Despite their numbers being few, the Emergent Viruses that exist are major threats to the Systems. They are capable of infecting Programs with viral strains of code that can control, manipulate, or even delete the code of the infected. The core code, the “sentience” of a Virus is also capable of changing its form to suit a situation. The abilities of a Virus’s “core” can range greatly, some are capable of replicating the code of Programs, others can “hack” the code of the System around them, some are known to “infect” the code of buildings and locations, and others can do feats such as temporarily deleting themselves...

To become a Virus, is very rare, a program's stabilizing codes have to deactivate. These are the lines of code, about 10 of them, that prevent the program's code from altering under certain conditions. Then, the code has to have the morality and personality codes glitch out, which rids the Programs of its sense of self and makes it want to spread. Finally, the code needs to has to gain certain glitches that would give it viral properties and the ability to form strains. These specific patterns glitches can develop over any duration of time, from years, to days in more severe onsets. In earlier days, this wasn't known so Programs that lost their stabilizing code often became viral. However, the Programs soon learned about how to prevent Emergent Viruses from forming- at least a few dozen "Pre-Viral" Programs have had their code repaired, and thus there are very few viruses. Of course, becoming "Pre-Viral" is very rare to begin with so it's not a large worry in the minds of most Programs.

Antiviruses: Antiviruses, though they live among Programs, are entirely different from them. Due to their purpose, Antiviruses are made with a completely different pattern of code in order to make them capable of detecting viruses, immune to becoming viruses, and capable of curing Programs from the control of viruses. Some, like X are powerful enough to destroy viruses, while others are capable of other feats such as freezing the code of Pre-viruses and mending the glitched code. Antiviruses are very difficult to code and create, so their numbers are limited.

(Ok so i don’t think that made a lick of sense but thanks for coming to my TED talk)

#rambling #long post #read more #mmx #mmfc #megaman fully charged #so basically all of it takes place cOMPLETELY seperate from mmfc's events its just.. #in the same canon i guess

[mwub]

Etched in Stone

Chapter 1: Celestite

Sorry for taking so long, I’ve been moving and have limited internet access so I’m not online as often as I would like😅.

Anyways this is the first chapter for my multi fic Etched in Stone, thank you @ineffable-nalu for beta reading it, it gave me some ideas how to progress the story better

Without further ado~

——————————————————————————-

“Mama!”

“Yes dear?”

“Can you tell me our story?”

“Lucy dear, you've heard that story what must be a thousand times. Are you sure you want to add another to that tally?” A regal blond woman laughed at the expense of her now pouting daughter. The little girl greatly resembled her mother both in bearing and in looks. Golden blond hair framed her round but not too round face, a light dusting of freckles crossed the bridge of her button nose underneath large chocolate brown eyes, now sparkling with wonder as her mother began the story.

“Long ago,” Layla hummed, tucking Lucy deeper into her bed. Brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “There was nothing, no animals, no plants, no people to call Earthland home. For Earthland did not yet exist. And then one day the sun and moon, who loved each other very much but could not be together began to cry for they were lonely and wanted to share what they have with others. From those tears came life.”

“When the moons tears fell, so did the stars, oceans formed and moved to the moons silent songs. When the suns fell, volcanoes reached high up for the heavens in hopes of one day meeting the stars.”

“Get to the part about how real life formed mama”

“I’m getting there sweetheart” Layla laughed in reply.

“When the volcanoes split the earth, so did the ocean in response, creating lakes, rivers, and streams. And in some areas so cold the oceans becomes living stone.”

“ But it was not enough for the Sun and Moon, for they wanted more. They wanted children of their own. So in desperation they shed more tears and breathed life into the environments of their own creation. From the sea the first mermaids and mermen sang their first songs. From the stars came the first celestial priests and priestesses. And from the volcanoes came…”

“Dragons” Came an excited squeal from underneath a mountain of blankets.

“Uh huh, from the deep depths of volcanoes came Dragons. Now, when the Sun and Moon formed their children , they warned them that they must not consort with humans, for it will bring disaster. The creatures of the sea and stars agreed but the king of the dragons did not. He believed one should love who they wanted and did so anyway.”

Lucy clutched her dragon plushie tighter in anticipation.

“The Sun and Moon grew angry with the dragon and so cursed him with his disobedience. Never to be seen again”

“Whatever happened to the rest of the creatures, mama?”

“Despite obeying the Sun and Moon, the others were punished as well for fear of rebellion. Their powers locked away in the stones for which they were born, serving as relics to a great betrayal. Living as ordinary beings amongst the humans they were told to fear.”

Lucys eyes began to droop as a deep yawn escaped her, sleep taking its toll. Layla smiled lovingly at her daughter, reaching to wind a small music box on her bedside, delicate music tinkling gently.

“What do you think happened to the Dragon mama?”

“ Well I would hope he’s found peace, one who loves too much shouldn’t suffer forever.”

“Good night my Darling... “ Was the last thing Lucy heard before letting sleep take her.

———————————————————————

“What do you mean you don’t have any of those kinds of books?”

“We sell fact not fiction mam, as I’m sure you are well aware of that by now miss Heartfilia.” A flat voice drawled in reply, timbre as dull as the face making it.

19 Year old Lucy Heartfilia couldn’t believe it, this was the third town she had visited that refused to sell any of the old lore books, believing them to be blasphemous to the sacred teachings of Zentopia. She had really hoped that Hargeons famous library would be different but no such luck.

Oh well, time for good ol’ plan T.

‘Are you sure there isn't any dusty old books hidden the back~” Batting her eyelashes with gusto, leaning onto the counter, giving the store keeper a peak at her generous cleavage.

“A-Absolutely not! For the last time miss, no one carries that type of literature anymore, the church ordered their burning years ago.” The old man blustered with a face as red as a Roma tomato. “I couldn't sell you any even if could get my hands on a tome”

“Now get out”

“Stupid old Geezer’ Lucy huffed outside the shop now, refitting her paperwork back into her leather satchel and straightening her dark blue tartan skirt and white button down blouse topped with a adorable black vest. She had even dressed the part too, a scholarly student researching for a history project. What a waste of time, Another day, another bust.

Oh right, I forgot to introduce myself didn't I? My name is Lucy Heartfilia, daughter of Layla and Jude Heartfilia, Jude being a local bank owner and Layla a seamstress, at least they were until the economy crash 13 years ago. Jude died of a stroke from over working and mama… let's just say fate had other plans for her. I’ve essentially been on my own since I was 15, with only a few belongings of my own I've been on my own ever since.

Taking out her notebook Lucy couldn’t help but sigh, there goes Hargeon off her list, uncapping her marker to cross it off. At least that’s what she was trying to do when life hit her with an unexpected surprise. A pink one in fact.

Before she could even put the tip of her permanent marker to the paper she suddenly was shoved to the hard concrete, black ink streaking across her cheek in a zigzag. Oh NO, her makeup was completely ruined.

Rising up on her elbows to give whatever hit her a piece of her mind Lucy was stopped short by something extremely odd. No, not something. Someone.

As her vision cleared she was confronted first with dark, almost black green eyes inches from her own chocolate ones, and even more oddly. Salmon pink hair sticking up in a messy disarray of spikes all over his head, almost seeming intentional in its unruly chaos.

Next was the alarmingly warm hands on either side of her waist, breaking the fall of what Lucy now realized was a boy perhaps her own age. Lucy could say for a matter of fact he was good looking, decently built with a muscular physique comparable to a pro athletes and a perfect tan to boot. Yes, definitely cute.

Lucy didn’t get to ponder for long as the stranger then suddenly jumped to his feet with surprising agility, his hands bringing her up with him in a rush that had her head swim a little dizzily. One hand on her waist and the other holding her own limp hand.

“Watch where you’re walking weirdo, don’t wanna get yourself hurt do you?’ The boy laughed, still holding her a little too close for a stranger to be doing. What’s with this guy?

“Excuse me? You bumped into me, who the heck sprints down the street like that without looking where they’re going” Lucy huffed, her head finally clearing from the shock of her present situation.

The boy only smirked. “Oh I know I where I was going, you just happened to be in the way. What's the point of going somewhere if you don’t know where you’re headed”

“I-I Know where I’m going” Lucy blushed. “I’m going to the Magnolia after I finish my work here.” Lucy finished with a sense of finality,gripping her satchel more firmly, why would he even ask that silly question? Of course she knows where she’s going.

“Ok… well in that case you were walking in the wrong direction. Magnolia isWest, not East of here.” Snickered her mystery boy.

“Oh, well thank you” Lucy coughed a little awkwardly, taking a step back finally to take in his full appearance finally. He really was in excellent shape. Broad shoulders tapered sharply under a black one armed waistcoat trimmed with gold thread, cream trousers held up by a similar colored sash around his waist and a pair of black sandals adorned his feet simply. The collar of his jacket open just enough for Lucy to get a glimpse of toned chest littered with faint white scars.

A bit of an odd outfit in Lucy’s opinion, but for whatever reason it seemed to suit him.

“What’s your name?” The boy asked suddenly, snapping Lucy back to reality.

“Lucy… Lucy Heartfilia” Answering automatically, Lucy cursed herself, she just met this boy and she already felt the need to spill all her secrets. Aquarius would be ashamed of her. Never trust a man with your secrets, secrets are a woman's best hand in a war.

“Thats a nice name,” Pinkie whistled. “My names N-”

“STOP RIGHT THERE! THIEF” A booming voice rang out over the stone courtyard, suddenly dozens of Zentopian royal guards flooded surrounding area.

“Thief..” Lucy whispered, eyes widening slowly.

“Crap” N growled, his Happy Go Lucky demeanor suddenly dropping as he made a run for it, he was practically a blur as he made a mad dash onto a more crowded street and seemed to vanish among the crowds of the local shopping district and boutiques.

“Excuse me miss” A grave looking guard approached Lucy. “Do you happen to know anything about this boy?” Holding up what appears to be a wanted poster of N. Except instead of the seemingly happy guy she just met, she was greeted with the face of a much more menacing looking criminal. Sharp soulless eyes pierced her soul with malice and a cruel sneer curved his lips. She did not know this person.

“No, nothing at all.” Lucy said curtly. Keeping a firm jaw in hopes of not giving anything away. While it was true she didn’t know anything about him, she wanted to. Gripping her satchel more firmly in an effort to stand her ground, she stared back at the guard.

Giving her a hard look the guard finally deemed her innocent enough and thankfully moved on to interrogate more passerby.

Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding, she bent down to collect some of the papers that had fallen with her unexpected date with the ground, noting that some appeared to be missing or at the very least out of order. She’ll check on that later on the train to Magnolia.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts of pink hair and a fanged grin, Lucy slowly made her way to the train station with vague hopes of catching the last train of the evening. Better luck tomorrow she guessed.

#fairy tail #fairy tail 100 year quest #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu #ft fanfiction #nalu fanfiction

[pleasuringmyprincess]

Love Letter

I wrote the following In July, but decided not to share it at that time. it's now October.  Circumstances change.

________________________________________________________________

I know this isn’t going to be easy for me, so please bear with me.

I’m looking for a new dom for my sub.

I’ve know Ren for six months or so, in a long distance relationship through circumstance rather than design. Circumstance being that I live in California, while she lives in England. This is not a full time LDR, work and family (I’m also from England) bring me to the UK regularly. So in the time we’ve known each other, I’ve travelled to England every 10-12 weeks, staying for 4-5 weeks each time, and I have two more trips scheduled for between now and the end of the year.

When I met Ren it was supposed to be just for play, but we found we had so much in common, so many shared interests outside in the real world, so much chemistry that a serious relationship quickly developed. 

Ren isn’t just a delightful sub, she’s a wonderful mother to two lovely children, she’s fantastic company, intelligent, fun loving, really smart, caring, upbeat all the time, but... there’s always a but, and for Ren it’s a big one.

Let’s start by saying if there was ever someone who didn’t deserve the deck she was dealt it’s Ren. Over the last 6 years her self-esteem has been shattered by her prior partners, (I’ll say no more than that they have one way or another treated her badly) and as a consequence she has suffered from severe depression, has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, has self-harmed, and most recently has been diagnosed and is now being successfully treated for severe Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).

Pause a moment there - this is the same woman, the woman who has been shit on by the world is also the wonderful mother, the delightful, intelligent, fun loving, smart, caring woman. My unicorn.

Ren’s seen a few big changes recently, most significantly she finally was able to divorce her husband and move to a new home. Two big steps forward, but at a cost of greatly increased anxiety. Just after this she heard that she was losing her job - she’s highly skilled but works in a poorly paid profession and because of the need to care for her kids, can only work part time. And she’s just lost her dom. We’ll come back to that in a minute.

In a scene, Ren is delightful, absolutely exquisite. I couldn’t ask for more, it breaks my heart to think of letting her go. Outside of a scene though, she can be very hard work. It’s more a question of providing support and encouragement over discipline. I have lost count of the number of hours I’ve spent helping her through the pain she feels. When she’s particularly low, it can be 3-4 hours a day. That’s not a complaint, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat even now while I’m writing this. It’s just a sign of the level of commitment you need to make. And just so it’s clear, Ren knows she has these problems and spends a lot of time in self-care activities and while it helps, it’s not enough.

Ren’s a working single mum, on a budget, she’s already very disciplined, very ordered, but she still struggles with some things and I have not been as successful as I would have liked in helping her address these issues (although today she has just proved to me that she can do this unbidden when motivated). I’ve not got to the bottom of why this is, and frankly it’s not been a high priority for me. I’ve been focused on helping her improve her self-esteem, manage her anxiety and encourage her to seek treatment for her PMDD (yay me!). This has really been my primary goal. And while it’s too soon to be sure, it really looks like we have succeeded, her anxiety and PMDD are both under control now. She is far far stronger today than she was three months ago.

Unfortunately, helping her get treatment for PMDD may have been my downfall.

After six years in the wilderness Ren is becoming whole again, free from her past, independent, far stronger than she has been for many years. Strong enough to tell me that she wants to move on. Ren needs someone full time, I know this, we’ve discussed it at length, and I had already put plans in motion to return to live in England to be with her. Now Ren has told me that while I am returning to England, it's not soon enough for her - she doesn’t want to wait. She also has concerns about my marriage. I am divorcing, she knows this, but right now I am married, and my divorce is something that Ren does not want to feel responsible for - she’s not responsible, that ship sailed long ago, but she says she will still feel responsible, and that’s enough. And my age, I’m 14 years older than her, too old in her eyes for a long term commitment.

Now obviously I’m not too happy about this, we are/were amazingly good together and had I not worked so hard to help her through her problems I might not be in this position today. I do feel significantly responsible for Ren’s recent improvement. For giving her the support she needed; for helping her apply for jobs; for showing her that there was a man who would fight for her, accept her for who she is, respect her for it; for being the consistent and reliable dom she needed; and most significantly for getting her back to the doc and having her PMDD addressed. 

This is where I get a little twisted - one of the side effects of the medication Ren is taking for PMDD is possible impaired judgement. And there's part of me that thinks, dumping your dom like this wasn't the wisest thing to do right now. So the treatment for PMDD that I helped her get, might possibly be responsible for Ren taking what I think is an ill-judged decision in deciding that she’d rather seek out her perfect Dom than accept this one with all his flaws. I’m not blind to the fact that there’s part of me that thinks ‘Hey, I did the hard work in putting her back together and it would be nice to enjoy some of the benefits’, OK, I fully realize that’s selfish of me, but it’s understandable, I’m a dom, not a saint. To be clear though, it's not the decision I have a problem with, it's the hurried way she approached it.  But we serve at our sub’s pleasure, and so here we are.

As it is, and I’ve never shared this with anyone, not even Ren, until now. I made a promise to myself that I’d help her come what may. And if that means 'setting her free' and helping her find a dom who’s worthy of her, that’s what I’ll do.

And so I’m looking for a new dom for my sub.

If you think that you might possibly be able to be the dom Ren needs, I’d like to hear from you. Before you all shout, as you might have gathered, I hold Ren in very high regard, and I will not let her settle for anyone who isn’t good enough. And just to be clear, I’m not going away. Ren and I have every intention of remaining friends.

So can this be you?

Let’s see shall we.

You’ve got to accept that Ren is a rich multi-faceted human being. If you are looking for a fuck toy, stop here.

She’s looking for more than just a play partner. Listen to Lou Reid singing Perfect Day, if you can’t offer that, you can stop reading here. Married guys (like me), guys in poly, or any form of relationship with someone else, you can stop here, she wants exclusivity. Btw, if you’re separated, divorcing, or whatever, you’re still married, so you stop here too. You don’t drink sangria in the park with Ren, and then later when it gets dark go home to your wife (read the lyrics, it will make sense).

Age 40-50, no exceptions. You will be fit and healthy, height/weight proportional.

No diseases, you will provide current STI test results, and you will always use a condom.

It will help if you a pro-Remain, if not, you need to be able to offer a coherent argument against. Intelligence matters. 

As a submissive, Ren has specific needs, and specific limits. She needs pain, she needs to be spanked, mild to moderate use of a riding crop and paddle is OK, but not severe caning. She needs bondage both for the restraint and the art. Obviously there are other things as well, but she can share that if you meet, and I’m sure there are things that we’ve not tried that she will enjoy. She has limits and you will respect them. You will not humiliate her in any way, not even name calling. Not in play, not as punishment. There are other things you will not do, obviously, and again she can share them if you meet.

You must be an experienced Dom, having a fetlife account or a tumblr blog doesn’t count. You will meet me first. You will provide government photo ID, and references, and I will follow up on references in person.

Ren needs a Dom who is close by, someone who can see her 2-3 times a week without fail and who will remain in close contact when apart. Long distance relationships don’t work for her (ask me how I know), she needs to know you are close by, which means you must be within daily driving distance. No, she will not relocate. She has joint custody of her kids with her ex and that’s not going to change.

You’ve got to accept that she is not at your beck and call. She’s a mother, her kids come first and always will. You don’t even rate second place; like I said, she has a very demanding self-care program that takes a lot of her time, that comes next. She also has a cat. You might aspire to a position above the cat in her hierarchy, but I wouldn’t count on it.

________________________________________________________________

Don't take this as anything other than a mile marker down a road already travelled.

Applications are not currently being accepted. 

[pellicano-sanguino]

Read this lesbian retelling of romance between Guinevere and Lancelot. It’s ok. Wish I could have liked it more, but due to some personal preferences I found it a bit underwhelming.

I like Arthurian legends and chivalric romances, and I like the story of Guinevere and Lancelot. Yes, I’m very much aware most people think it’s a story done to death and Lancelot is considered a boring Mary Sue. I make no attempt to hide the fact that the 2011 Takarazuka musical about the subject is like 98% of the reason I like the story. 

I can’t read about Lasse and not picture Makaze Suzuho in a silvery leather overalls armor.

The story is being told in first perspective, from Lasse’s point of view (now my nickname for Lancelot is truly fitting, because in this story she is a lass, heh heh). This is just a personal preference, but I don’t like this style. I prefer to see the story objectively, now Lasse passes her own judgment and opinion on everything and I can’t help but feel that it’s limiting. Also, damn does Lasse self monologue in a weird, cryptic manner. I know Arthurian myths aren’t known as stories grounded in reality and I know poetic language is to be expected. But sometimes Lasse’s thought process is hard to follow and she just says plain weird things. I get flashbacks to Rose of Versailles and Andre spewing out some nonsense about his love becoming a fossil encased in amber.

I do wonder if the writer is into Wicca or paganism, because there’s some pretty heavy anti-christian pro-paganism messages in the book. Lasse holds great respect for the old religion and one of the reasons she doesn’t like Arthur is because he is a Christian king. Which, for storytelling purposes, is understandable. The way Christianity wiped out the pagan religions of Europe by swordpoint (convert or have your head cut off) is a tragedy that isn’t often talked about (because there are other, more violent examples of forcibly spreading Christianity that tend to get the spotlight more). Of course Lasse, who was raised by Lady of Lake, a creature of old myths, would resent having this new religion replace all the ancient wisdoms she’d been taught and seeing the new faith shamelessly slap their holidays over the pagan festivals. 

The clash of these religions is an interesting part of world building. But Lasse’s view of the old religion as something sacred and flawless and perfect is naive and childish. It’s like reading the thoughts of someone who was brainwashed by a cult at a young age and so is incapable of finding faults in the doctrine or criticizing anything related to the practices. Pagan religions could (and often would) be used as a tool of power and be rooted in the same harmful ideas as Christianity. For a woman, it makes no difference if the one commanding her to “know her natural place” was a patriarchal male God or a sacred pagan Goddess, her freedom to choose for herself is still being taken away by a religion who wishes to control her. 

Lasse is secretly being raised as a boy, Rose of Versailles style. This means that once she is maturing, she must go through “an initiation ritual” meant for boys. This ritual? A fucking date rape. They make her drink some sort of drug or love potion and then provide a woman for her to sleep with so she can “become a man.” Once Lasse sobers up, she feels awful about what happened. And yet, even in this moment, realizing that she was drugged and made to have sex she didn’t want, she will not question the old religion. She will not criticize this disgusting practice, believing that though unpleasant, it must have been necessary for her to become adult. Yeah no, I’m sorry, but whenever religions start including sex in their rituals and pressure people into participating, a siren starts wailing in my head CUUUUUUUULLLLTTT! IT’S A FUCKING SEX CULT! GET THE MINORS OUT NOW!

I was happy, that the drugged rape doesn’t get described in detail. Sex is never described in detail in this book. In a way, I can see a scene where Lasse gets drugged to have sex could be a nod to the begetting of Galahad (which obviously won’t be happening in this version of the story). But still, I would have greatly appreciated if there hadn’t been a rape scene at all. The only kind of sex scenes I want in my books are the Sober and Enthusiastic Consent ones.

I once saw someone make a post that Lancelot and Gawain are the Arthurian version of Team Edward/Team Jacob. I must say, there’s a seed of truth in here. When you have a story where Gawain is the best knight and main character, Lasse tends to be painted as a selfish adulterous asshole who ruins everything, and when you have a story where Lasse is the leading role and painted as super virtuous, Gawain tends to gear up his negative traits. It’s like you can’t have both of them be likable at the same time. In this book, Gawain (and a whole bunch of other knights) get the asshole makeover treatment. Well, Gawain and Lasse do end up becoming friends but Gawain doesn’t stop being a jerkface and doesn’t really deserve Lasse’s friendship (If someone called my mother a whore, I would simply not forgive and befriend them. Rip to Lasse, but I actually care about my mother more than I do about some entitled dudebro.). I find this kind of writing a little lazy, making other characters pointlessly rude just so the main character looks better in comparison.

Ok, I’ve talked about the parts I didn’t like. Here’s some things I liked.

The book is illustrated. The art isn’t particularly fancy, but I liked it. I wish more books had illustrations, not just the books for kids.

The relationship between Lasse and Guinevere begins in their childhood, before Gwen is married to Arthur. I prefer love stories that give the characters a long period of time to develop their feelings for each other (as opposed to stories of them falling in love overnight Romeo&Juliet style). Also, it reminded me of the zuka musical.

Another thing I liked is that the relationship between Gwen and Lasse isn’t adulterous. They are very much in love with each other, but they won’t have sex. I would have forgiven them if they did, since Gwen didn’t have any say in her marriage and so it turned out a loveless political marriage. It’s a whole different thing to romanticize cheating and to understand that women in forced marriages had no other choice but to seek love of someone who loved her as a person, not as a moneybag. But Lasse and Gwen are virtuous, so they are above such thinking. When she married Arthur, Gwen made a promise to be faithful to him, and despite not loving him, she will not break this promise. Well, not until Arthur divorces her in favor of the False Guinevere.

Which brings me to the thing I probably liked the most - Gwen has an evil twin. And no, this isn’t the writer slapping some modern trope over a classic tale, this is a genuine legend. There are stories where Guinevere has a sister who seeks to replace her. Seeing a lesser known legend get adapted brought a smile to my face. We can tell a story of Gwen and Lasse without using the same old stories of Grail quest and abduction of Guinevere. It was fascinating. 

Once the False Guinevere has convinced Arthur that she is the real queen, Gwen is cast out (well, after Lasse has to fight for her honour to save her from death penalty). Lasse and Gwen travel to Galehaut’s place (a friend of Lasse’s) and there, freed from her promise, Gwen finally has sex with Lasse. And only now, very close to the end of the book, is it revealed that Lasse is actually a woman. Saving this plot twist to so near the end feels a bit unnecessary, because I’m pretty sure 9 out of 10 people who buy this book already know about it and, much like me, bought the book exactly because of it. I can’t really imagine there being very many who managed to get to the end and actually be surprised.

The book kinda has a happy ending, but that’s partly because it ends before shit hits the fan re: Mordred. Mordred is in the book, but he’s only discussed about, never seen. There’s plenty of hints and foreshadowing that Arthur’s reign will come to a violent end some day. But the book leaves that to our imagination.

This is a decent book. If you’re into women and chivalric romance, go for it. But if you prefer a love story with more overtly sensual take on the intimate scenes, you might be happier with some other book, this one is very chaste. Also, you have to be willing to only see the story from Lasse’s perspective, and you have to be ok with Gawain being a prick. But all in all, it’s not a bad read. 

#cris newport #queen's champion #books #lesbian

[jamesxns]

KRISTINE FROSETH, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER, MUSE 47 ╾ don’t look now but kennedy jameson is heading this way. last i heard, the twenty-one year old declared their allegiance to faction 3 during the last town meeting. it definitely makes sense, considering the fact that they’re known for being conscientious. that being said, they can also be quite vulnerable. something tells me it won’t be long before their true colors start to show.

**hi my loves!! this ended up being a lot shorter than i would’ve liked, but i will be doing a full stats page and writing a real bio out soon. hopefully this will suffice for plotting/connections sake atm!

stats,

FULL NAME: Kennedy Leigh-Anne Jameson

AGE/DOB: twenty-one, March 13th

GENDER/PRONOUNS: cis female, she/her

SEXUALITY: tragically hetero, but lowkey questioning so M a Ybe bi? idk.

HOMETOWN: New Ham, Connecticut

MUSE # AND LABEL: MUSE 47, the ebullient ( cheerful / full of energy )

FACTION: three

ALIGNMENT: lawful good

CHARACTER TROPES: The Idealist, Nice Girl, Running Gag, To Be Lawful or Good, Workaholic, there are more but I’ll never get off the trope site if I keep going.

CHARACTER INFLUENCES: Leslie Knope, Kimmy Schmidt, Peggy Carter, April Kepner, Phoebe Buffay.

bio,

Born to two doctors, who for all their faults and neglectful tendencies, put the goddamn stars in her sky. They weren’t around much as a result of their demanding jobs, so she and her f o u r (4) siblings were primarily raised by a nanny. Her name was Eleanor and in more ways than one, Kennedy considered her to be her real mother. 

To make up for their absence???? Holiday’s and birthday’s in the Jameson household are incredible, full to the brim with so much love that it almost made the rest of the year seem less lonely.

The five Jameson kids are, at their core, quite close while they contrast greatly in personality. She’s the middle child with an older brother (utp, potential wc), sister (utp, potential wc), and two younger twin sisters (npc, they’re/were 12). I’m not going to go tooooo into their family dynamics until I sit down and actually allow myself a moment to properly dive in, so this is just gonna be open-ended. She loves them dearly, though.

The girl can make friends with a tree if she stands there long enough, and that’s just the tea. As a result, she was quite popular in school, finding friends in every ‘clique’ or group. 

Due to her parents strict nature, school was taken as seriously as one could. Grades lower than a B were frowned upon, and often lead to punishment. They expected a lot of their children academically, and Kennedy happily complied. A straight A student from the moment she was enrolled, the girl dedicated more time to her studies than being an actual kid.

Which really became apparent when she applied to school after graduation, ‘cause the girl lost her damn mind. Everyone around her experienced so many things, yet she’d suppressed the natural part of her youth. She’s honestly never really let herself cut loose, but she hopes to change that now that societal and familial pressure have dissipated.

Becoming a doctor like her parents had always been in the cards, her interest only growing as she did. An innate desire to help people accompanied her want to stay busy, which made a profession in medicine perfect for her. Unlike her parents, a neurosurgeon and brain surgeon respectively, she focused her attention on becoming a general practitioner, hoping to reach a good few rather than a handful of people.

In all honesty, she doesn’t take her world flipping upside down well AT ALL?? The girl craves stability, which has become fleeting in their new society.

Kennedy chose faction three because she wholeheartedly believes in what they stand by, which is “we survive together, we thrive together”, bc tbh, the community based setup is a huge deal to her.

personality,

Kind, gentle, soft, dedicated, passionate, thoughtful, stubborn. She’s also enthusiastic, eager to please, and wildly ambitious; both at school/work and in her personal life.

She’s a certified Mom Friend™ and proud of it.

Would literally go to any length necessary if it means keeping those she cares about safe.

Kennedy’s got to be one of the most attentive people when it comes to her friendships and loved ones. She is always taking time to spend time with them no matter how busy she may be, will stop whatever she’s doing if they are in need, and gives the best gifts. Her philosophy is that if she’s got to spend her money somewhere, it may as well be on

That same naivety that got her into trouble growing up has ABSOLUTELY stuck with her into adulthood.

She tends to see the best in people, even those who don’t deserve a moment of her time.

Is very, very protective of the less fortunate, be that financially, physically, or in minorities. She doesn’t believe in violence as the answer, but hates any prejudices people may have even more. If she sees anyone being mistreated, she definitely steps in ready for a fight.

connections,

I don’t want to limit myself as far as connections go, so here are just a few ideas!

Friends, friends, all the friends

Frienemies/ex-friends (this is so hard for her bc she tries to see the best in people, but if they’re a hateful person, she’s not against writing them off)

Maybe an ex that ended badly, or maybe it ended fine and they’re friends, maybe feelings linger idk

A ‘bad’ influence that’ll help her stop taking things so seriously and actually attempt to enjoy life

Smt romantic-stylez would be cool but no pressure, whatever happens happens

Ok I’m ??? so bad at this, just literally anything p l s 

#foundwanting:intro #wow here we go #this is?? not great my bad i rly rushed it #but in any case pls come love my daughter she needs 10 hugs a day to live

[businesswebsitesguru]

The Battle of the Social Media Sites

....for business purposes of course.

There’s a ton of social media sites out there. But what sets them apart from one another? In this posting, we will discuss the pros and cons using various social media sites for your business. I chose some of the most popular sites because lets face it, there’s a new social networking site that is being created everyday. 

While it is my opinion that a business should build a presence on each of these platforms, it is still important to understand their strengths and weaknesses so that you can effectively use them to bring in business!

Lets get started!

1. Twitter

Pros: I have always been impressed with Twitter’s simplicity. It’s easy to understand how to tweet information, retweet other’s tweet, and respond to others.  I believe Twitter wins the award for being the best site for customer/business communication. It is by far the most personable site in my opinion. This means that a business’ customer service will thrive on a platform like Twitter. If a customer has a problem, it is easy for them to tweet the company or send them a direct message on Twitter. We have all heard about tweets going viral. Yet is it rare that we hear this about other social media sites. Business owners could use this to their advantage. Given the right person managing the Twitter account and the perfect tweet, you business could gain popularity. One aspect of Twitter that I love is their poll feature. This could be a great way to interact with customers and receive feedback. 

Cons: Twitter is huge. With this being said, I believe that Twitter is one of the most difficult social media cite to gain a fanbase with.  With millions of tweets being tweeted a day, it is easy for your tweet to be swept under the rug. It would benefit business owners greatly if they had a detailed marketing plan prior to starting their Twitter journey. Twitter also has no way to edit a tweet. The delete tweet button is the only option if the owner catches a mistake. While this is a minor inconvenience, it has the potential to turn some away. 

2. YouTube

Pros: YouTube is the only video-based social media site out of these. Providing videos will help establish your credibility as a company, as the customers are able to gain a better understanding of what you stand for. I believe one can gain the most information about a company through YouTube videos. If I had a choice on which platform my favorite companies would utilize more, YouTube would be it. Customers, myself included, love seeing actual videos rather than posts after post of writing. This makes it more entertaining and engaging. 

Cons: The process of creating, editing, and publishing videos might get time consuming. I believe that YouTube requires the most prep time out of the contenders. It definitely involves persistence and patience. YouTube also does not have the best professional reputation. Many still view it as the site people go to when they want to waste time or view the newest viral video. Also, YouTube is heavy on ads. Viewers might be forced to watch a 30 second ad that you had no control over regarding the content. This could turn some away and make them less likely to view or subscribe to your channel. 

3. Instagram

Pros: Instagram is primarily picture-based. This helps the visual learners and those who are more inclined to buy when seeing a picture of the product or service. Like Twitter, Instagram makes communication easy with direct messaging. Talking to a customer is just a DM away. Instagram also offers this great feature called Instagram Insights for businesses. It allows companies to gain a better understanding of their following as well as how their content is being received. These are displayed using bar graphs, line graphs, circle graphs, and statistics. This feature could be extremely useful to small businesses. 

Cons: While the rest of these sites provide easy access on both the web and from a smart phone app, Instagram does not. Instagram is a solely mobile platform. This does not make it as convenient as the others, as business owners are limited to the devices they use. Instagram’s target audience is also constricted. The majority of Instagram users are young, with 75% of users being between the ages of 18-24. This means that it is possible that your target customers might not have an Instagram. If you are appealing to the older generation, Instagram is definitely not the way to go. 

4. Facebook

Pros: Facebook is a classic. Facebook reaches a variety of users from all age groups. While some believe it is becoming more of an older generation application, I think that there is still a considerably large number of the younger generation that check their feed. For myself personally, Facebook is the first social media site that I check whenever I am curious about a business. I love how Facebook kind of gears their website towards businesses, too. If I am checking out a new restaurant in town, Facebook allows me to see their hours, menu, address, phone number, and even location on Google Maps within a single condensed window on the side of the page. I am also a huge fan of their chat feature. I’m not quite sure when they integrated this into their site, but I have been noticing it more in the past year. When a page clicked on, the chat box automatically comes up, make communication simple and efficient. 

Cons: Facebook is comment heavy. Out of the sites listed here, Facebook wins the comment game by a long shot. Reviews and comments are easy to add, but with this comes a risk. If customers are unhappy with their product, they might feel inclined to make you aware via Facebook. This comment could be seen by many others, plummeting business. Disgruntled customers can ruin your reputation in a heartbeat. 

5. Tumblr

Pros: I like to think of Tumblr as a mixture of all of the sites above. As all of you citizens of Tumblr know, blog posts, pictures, video, and audio can all be uploaded here. This is great because customers are less likely to get bored of seeing your content on their feed. Tumblr is the ony one of these sites that markets itself as a blogging site. This sets them apart and makes them unique. Long text posts are able to be made, free of any character limits (ok the limit is 500,000 but still.) 

Cons: Tumblr has a bad reputation when it comes to a business selling their products through it. Many are skeptical of products posted here because of the large amount of troll/fake accounts. Also, there are not many new users coming to Tumblr. They have been experiencing a decline recently that will be difficult to bounce back from. Spam is common on Tumblr, too. I get spam messages everyday urging me to follow an account if I want to gain thousands of followers. This can get annoying quick and even drive some away from using the platform completely. 

Let me know below what you think the pros and cons are to these sites! Is there a clear winner in your opinion?

CLICK HERE FOR MORE CONTENT!

#business #socialmedia #marketing #ecommerce #website #webdesign #twitter #facebook #tumblr #youtube #instagram #customer #company #revenue #smallbusiness #review #onlinepresence

[goodvibesatpeace]

Theories: The Matrix Farm

If you fancy a bit of light reading 😀

Be open minded and question everything

Our bodies should not require sleep/ rest since these organic vehicles have been designed to function continuously. We even have a self-servicing function, where our bodies repair themselves. And since we take our “fuel” from food, we shouldn’t require sleep at all.

So why do we need it?

The reason we need sleep is because humans beings (the real us, the souls) feed on energy, just like all other beings in our Multiverse (and what our bodies take from food is not enough to keep us going).

When the Anunnaki built the prison-suits (i.e. human bodies) for our souls, they’ve made us in their image, but they took away many of the original features (such as cellular immortality, 12 DNA strands, the ability to grow back teeth, limbs, etc.) and also added many blockages, so that we remain unaware of our spiritual greatness.

Our connection to the Source has been greatly limited, to the extent we are mostly cut off from it and only rarely allowed to connect to it — and never fully.

During sleep, we are allowed to connect to the Source in order to recharge on non-polarized energy.

Why would they do this? What’s the end-game of the Anunnaki?

We used to be Creator-beings (we still are outside this Matrix reality), meaning that we would use the pure energy from the Source to manifest.

During his sessions of LBL reggression, Michael Newton was once told by a subject that he/she, together with other non-physical beings, helped manifest our planet from pure energy.

The planet was at first non-physical. The subject expressed the curiosity/ desire of experiencing life on Earth once it would become physical, because it is one thing to create a planet, and something entirely different to live on it as a physical being.

This matches perfectly with Dr. Neruda interviews, in which he explains how a collective of alien species (Archons, Reptilians, Anunnaki, Sirians and Greys) have tricked our souls into using these human bodies as vehicles, in order to experience physical life on Earth.

Because we had no understanding of evil and deception back then, we agreed.

At first, the vehicles were outstanding and performed really good, but with each new lot, the Anunnaki secretly downgraded them more and more, until we’ve lost the connection to our Souls and the Source almost entirely.

By then, it was already too late for us. The prison Matrix was activated and we are trapped in it ever since. When we die, we are being forced into the false light portal, which sends us to the “Recycling station,”where we are superficially healed of past life traumas and then sent back here.

But why the trouble?

The Anunnaki, the Reptilians and the Greys are all controlled by a non-physical parasitic force, which the Gnostics called Archons. Just like all other beings in our Multiverse, they too feed on energy, but they only require negatively-polarized energy.

Hence they need hosts to convert the non-polarized energy from the Source, into the low frequency energy that is required by them.

Again, everything that exists is made out of energy and needs energy to “survive,” and the Archons are no exception.

Deceptions, deceptions, deceptions

The Anunnaki used trickery many eons ago when they offered to build human vehicles for us, so that we can experience physical life on Earth, and trickery is their game ever since.

They have later presented themselves to us as benevolent gods who came to Earth to mine for gold because life on their planet was allegedly dying off without protection from gold particles sprayed into the atmosphere.

This was yet another trickery, since the Anunnaki had been taking gold from Earth in its pure, atomic state, even before Earth became solid, but they appealed once again to our native predisposition to help and do good, in order to be accepted by us once more.

According to multiple correlations that I’ve made, I strongly believe this took place during the Atlantean times. The Atlanteans lived mostly on a small continent in the Atlantic Ocean.

The Anunnaki observed how the Atlanteans developed meditation techniques that strengthened their connection to the immortal soul and were even able to regain some of their creative capabilities from the Source. But since the downgraded human vehicles were so limited, the Atlanteans found a way to amplify their strength by using massive crystals.

In this book (second volume), it is mentioned advanced technology used by the Atlanteans, as well as the possibility to manifest food with the use of crystals.

This came as a shock to our alien controllers, who decided to infiltrate and corrupt the existing spiritual elites. Long story short, they were eventually able to manipulate some of them into manifesting things ther were not needed and to desire materialistic things.

The disputes between the Atlanteans grew stronger and, either intentionally or by accident, one of the giant crystals exploded, sinking their island into the Atlantic Ocean and bringing and end to the Atlantean age.

According to the same book, one of the crystals sunk at the bottom of the Ocean 3/4 intact, and it was responsible for the “Bermuda Triangle” anomalies. The anomalies stopped happening because the US Navy allegedly removed the broken crystal from the Ocean’s floor and took it to a secret location.

Strangely enough, a team of scientists discovered the ruins of an advanced ancient city at the bottom of the Ocean, in the Bermuda Triangle. There are roads, pyramids and sphinxes, but the scientists unfortunately lack the financing to continue the explorations.

The remaining Atlanteans scrambled in different parts of the Earth, where they’ve tried rebuilding their civilization, with the “help” of the Anunnaki, which have secretly designed new versions of human bodies, downgraded even further.

They’ve even mixed the existing DNA with that of animals and the results were grotesque human-animal hybrids. Then, the souls had been forcibly incarnated into these new versions of humans and human-animal hybrids.

The experimentation continued until the aliens came up with this version of human bodies, which we call Homo Sapiens — the human bodies that we are using today.

But this time they took no more chances, so they also populated the Earth with soulless vessels — empty vehicles — which their masters, the Archons, could control from another dimension.

These bodies look exactly the same as ours and, without the direct interference of the Archons, they go on and live their lives as dictated by the reptilian brain: they eat, sleep, reproduce, fight… basically do everything in their power to survive.

Very important to note: These are human bodies, not human beings!

The human bodies don’t have a soul, hence they lack consciousness; which means that they merely exist, but never get to actually live as a conscious human being. They feel no empathy, no remorse, no love, etc. — they basically have no concept of good or bad whatsoever.

Here’s a short example of what it means to exist without actually being a conscious human being:Ever since I was a child I was guided through many different experiences so that I can now relate to them. It took me many years to understand this, but thanks to those experiences, I am now better prepared to deliver these messages to you. 

So here’s a short story that helped me related to the human bodies vs the human beings:

One day, when I was a teen living with my parents, I woke up on the couch, where I was talking to my parents. I was in my pajamas, and I was telling them that I feel OK and there is no need to go to the hospital. 

To this day, I don’t remember how I got there, but according to my parents I woke up and went to the bathroom, where they’ve heard me falling. Apparently, I somehow slipped and hit the back of my head in the fall, which made me loose consciousness. My parents found me there and started calling my name. I slowly woke up and I was able to walk to the couch myself. 

It probably took me about five minutes from the moment I fell to when I regained consciousness. During this time I talked to my parents, I walked to the couch on my own and I’m sure that I could have go on with my life in that unconscious state indefinitely, but that person wouldn’t have been me. 

Now please connect my experience with all those stories about people who changed dramatically after an accident. My hypothesis is that there are dramatic situations, such as accidents, in which the soul is separated from the body, sometimes for good.

Here is one such example: 

“In the summer of 1848, a man named Phineas Gage incurred a traumatic injury to the frontal lobe region of his brain after a sudden explosion sent a rod straight through his head. Against many odds, Phineas survived, but afterwards his demeanor changed dramatically. Once a calm, balanced, and levelheaded man, Gage became an overly emotional, unbalanced and quite vulgar man upon recovery. Friends he had had previously, now compared him to an animal and made the perplexing statement, ‘Gage was no longer Gage.'”

These human bodies are indeed very similar to animals, but even less important, because their lifetime experiences amount to nothing.

Even though animals are not souls, such as we are, they do have a primitive form of consciousness that exists beyond the physical death of their vehicles, and their experiences are stored and preserved, whilst when human bodies die, it is the end for them. There is no consciousness that lives on and their experiences die with them.

They only exist to keep the Matrix running and they can be taken over/ possessed at any time by their Archon Masters. It is estimated that about half of the humans are organic portals, meaning they don’t have souls attached to their bodies. And this is the reason why we have so much pain and sufferance in the world.

They are the ones that ascend to positions of power, because their Masters need them there. They are being guided/ helped to occupy as many positions of power as possible, in order to maintain the status quo of the control system.

They are also the perpetrators of sadistic actions such as: murder, pedophilia, depopulation, genocide… you name it. And it is directed at the rest of us, the human beings.

The Matrix is a FARM

Once human beings recharge with non-polarized energy during sleep, it is up to us to give it a polarity.

We, as Divine beings made of positive, Love-energy, would naturally polarize it positively, but since our existence has been hijacked and so many people are being systematically tortured in this Matrix-reality, most of us polarize the energy negatively.

Human beings need to be mentally and physically tormented as much as possible,  so that the Archon-masters can feed on our negative emotions. This is the sole purpose of the Matrix-prison.

The Matrix reality is basically a farm of negative energy.

Love and light to all 💓💓💓

#theory #matrix #soul #spirit #human #archon #annunaki #alien #et

[purple-possibilities]

UUUHHH I WANT HIDAAAN!! for the character meme, pretty please? *///*

Yes… suuuure… you want Hidan just for the meme… not for your sin dungeon…

and i jizz—in—my pants

First impression

…

…

HOT.  like, hot as, no question, but how tf is he still alive with that pole through him?

I was, however, super pissed that we got to see our first super badass ninja lady (Nii Yugito) who was a jinchuuriki that could control her powers (the first one we see doing so consciously, if I remember correctly) and she just goes and dies after three seconds.  Like, fuck that shit.  Seriously.  It made me dislike Hidan at first.  Like, what is this pretty-boy psycho doing here, I wan’t more of that kickass cat lady (which ugh, now that I’m writing it out, i can’t believe they made one of the two female jinchuuriki a mother fucking Cat Lady.  Jesus Fucking Christ guys, seriously???)

Impression now

Jashin-sama be praised, Hidan was a great character.  He has a unique power that opens up this whole world I am super intrigued by, he’s hilarious, and I think I love him.  Like, I would never ever ever want to meet him, ever, because he would surly kill me, quite painfully.  But I will definitely admire him from afar.  Hidan is a little too hidanistic for me (get it?  It was a pun ok I’ll leave now).   

Favoruite moment

Can I just say every moment with Hidan?  No?  Why not?  He’s hilarious, psycho, and hot.  Like every word out of his mouth is hilarious.  

Ugh fine, I’ll pick one.  This:

I haven’t seen this episode yet but by god is it the funniest shit.  I’ve seen like a million different gif sets of this and am greatly looking forward to the moment where I get to watch the episode myself lol.

Idea for a story

I am super intrigued by Jashinism.  I think it would be so super interesting to explore the religion, and how the immortality works.  Like, I cannot express just how interesting I find the immortality Jashin has gifted Hidan, and I have so many questions about it that would be such a pleasure to explore.  

Like, what are the limits of his immortality? Maybe the body ages but cannot be killed.  So he could die from old age, but nothing else.  Or maybe he never dies but continues to age, until he can’t move without his bones breaking.  He eventually turns to dust, after years and years of suffering.  Like, he starves because he has no one to care for him, but he can’t actually die from starvation (or drowning or anything at all).  His ‘death’ is just the breakdown of his body, until his consciousness is left to haunt the living in his ashes. Or maybe Jashin-sama would never let that happen?  Who fucking knows?  I would love to explore that tho.

I’d like a Hidan origin story, where he’s a snot nosed brat causing all sorts of trouble, until he sees someone completing the Death Ritual, or whatever it’s called, and becomes a follower and practitioner of the religion.  Or maybe Jashin-sams sees something in Hidan, and sends him dreams of what to do.  Maybe Hidan is the only person screwed up enough to contact Jashin-sama (and just what had to happen to Hidan for him to gain that ability?  Was he tortured?  Was he just born a fucked up psychopath?).  Is Hidan the only Jashinist, or is there a huge cult of them?  Do they come from some other area, maybe outside the Shinobi Nations?  Maybe Jashin-sama is a man who developed the jutsu, taught Hidan, and Hidan thought he was a god?  Or maybe some human named Jashin told Hidan he was a god because he wanted followers?

I could go on forever.  There is just so much to explore with Hidan, it never ends.

Unpopular opinion

tbh I’m not sure what is popular or unpopular in terms of Hidan.  Hmmm…

I think it’s dumb that after “killing” Hidan they just left his body in a hole to be monitored by mother fucking deer.  Like, seriously, deer?  Ok, so they’re ninja deer, but like, there are so many unknowns about Hidan and his jutsu (and Jashin, really) that it just seems stupid.

I’ll give you one more since that one was kind of about Shikamaru and I’m not sure if that was even unpopular lol.

I like to think of Hidan as celibate.  I know I know, all you Hidan lovers (esp you Syn) are gonna hate me, but Hidan puts so much stress on mutual suffering, and I get the impression that the only pleasure he allows himself is from his ritual.  Like, our boy doesn’t even masturbate, that’s why he’s always so desperate for a good Sacrifice, lol.  

I think if Hidan did engage in something like sex, it would involve his ritual.  Like, idk if you can double team a Sacrifice but if you could I think it would be very intimate.  Hidan would connect with his partner through their victims blood, each feeling what the other two do.  And then with the death blow, Hidan and his partner would experience their own euphoria as well as each other’s.  We’re talking double simultaneous orgasm man.  Nothing more intimate than that.

…I am in you are in me…

I’m not saying Hidan has to be celibate or anything, because I love all the different interpretations, but this one is my personal favourite.

Favourite relationship

I mean, I think it has to be Kakuzu.  Like, who else does Hidan really interact with?  He had such short screen-time.  So Kakuzu.  Gotta love how Hidan is such a lil shit and Kakuzu is such a grump and they’re both so violent but they can’t kill each other.  It’s just perfect.  Plus there’s room for like, hidden attachment (or even love if you want to go that way) so it’s got a lot of potential to explore.  Those are the best kinds of relationships, because you can find so many different interpretations which always makes for interesting stories.

Favourite headcanon

Hmmmm…. I like the idea that Hidan dreams of and has visions of Jashin-sama.  They paint his vision red with blood, with fire, with utter destruction and devastation.  All sounds except for the deep thrum of war drums, the painful screams of the Sacrificed, and the reverberations of Jashin-sama’s almost too deep to be heard voice are absent.  It can be utterly euphoric to communicate with Jashin-sama this way, or it can be the endless suffering of all the Sacrifices combined and multiplied.  Neither is an indicator of Jashin-sama’s mood, but the each is equally important to his dogma.  

The visions and dreams are not an indicator of Jashin-sama’s pleasure or displeasure–he is a god of suffering and so they are synonymous.  They do not deliver messages, or give aide, or instruction.  They simply serve the purpose of connecting Jashin-sama and all his followers.  If someone is mid sacrifice, sometimes Jashin-sama will connect his other followers to the one leading the ritual, so they may all feel the victim’s suffering in the truest form of connection.

Here is the ask.  Send me a character!  Sorry this took so long Syn!  I’m trying to go through my drafts and old asks now though, so hopefully I’ll get all this shit done lol!

Up next is Adult!Obito, then Rock Lee, and Ino. (If more are sent in after this, they’ll probably take a while, just fyi).

Already completed: Madara, Kakashi, Shino, Tenzou, Gai, Genma

#hidan #sibi talks about naruto #character ask #answered asks #syndellwins #the great draft purge #i've got almost 600 drafts ok #it was about time i did some housekeeping

[thejokersenigma]

Steve Rogers x Reader - Oneshot - Foxtrot

This was just a random idea I came up with ages ago. I apologise to the Peggy-Rogers shippers - I came up with this idea after not having watched the first Captain America for about three years, so I forgot the importance of the whole ‘dance’ to Steve. Hope most people like it anyway? Only time I get to put my basic dance move knowledge to any use haha

I’ve never written Steve Rogers properly before, so I hope he’s not too ooc! I based this sort of just after the first avengers movie.

WARNINGS: None

Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything!

MAIN MASTERLIST

“Captain?” Had he heard you? “Captain Rogers?” You tried again.

“Ah, uh, hmm?” Steve Rogers jolted upright from where he had been dozing in one of the armchairs found in the communal room of the Avenger’s tower. He blinked rapidly now, shaking his head briefly to force himself back to reality before he caught sight of where you were lingering by the door. “Oh - uh – my apologies, I –“

You held up a hand to stop him. “Hey –“ You grimaced in understanding, “Don’t worry, Captain - no need to explain.” You assured him. “Believe it or not, you are allowed to be tired, sir - and you are allowed to sleep.” You smirked at him brazenly. “Superhuman stills means you’re human, sir.”

Rogers ducked his head, seeming to be almost embarrassed that you’d found his weak spot. “Don’t tell Fury that.” He muttered lightly.

“Long hours?” You grimaced again.

Rogers stretched in his seat, wincing at a particular sore spot in his shoulder. “You could say that.” He said with a half-smile. “Did Stark send you down to get me?” He asked, raising a brow.

“It’s not a party without the Captain.” You cheered weakly, and Roger’s raised an amused, incredulous eyebrow at you. You made a face at him seeing through you, “Only way I was allowed to ditch it myself, Sir,” You confessed guiltily. “Not my sort of scene really.”

“Nor mine.” Steve agreed, nodding his head in understanding. He paused for a moment then glanced over at you, his brow slightly furrowed in confusion. “Do you mind me asking then why Stark invited you?” You blinked in surprised. “I mean – it’s just… well, you don’t seem like the type of women Tony usually likes to fill his parties with.” Rogers tried to clarify.

“And just what sort of women would that be, Captain?” You taunted, raising your eyebrows expectantly.

“Oh, no - I didn’t mean – you know, I just meant -“

“It’s fine Captain, I’m just teasing.” You giggled. “I’m not like Stark’s girls, because I’m not one of Stark’s girls.” You told him, “I’m part of staff – automatically gets an invite?” You reminded him.

“Oh, I’m really sorry – I didn’t mean –“

You shook your head with a grin. “Please, Captain - stop apologising.” You insisted with a laugh. “I’m new – easy mistake.” You allowed, “ - Though I never thought I be confused as one of Stark’s girls.” You added with a laugh and Steve grimaced regretfully. “But I didn’t come here to make you uncomfortable, Captain – just to force you against your will.” You winked. Steve groaned, letting his head fall back the back of the chair again. You smirked sympathetically. “I’d ask if it’s really that bad, but I know it is.” You chuckled.

“Ah, it’s not terrible.” Steve admitted, dropping his chin, “Just a bit different from my time.” He confessed, now going to push himself reluctantly out of his chair.

“Oh?” You asked, intrigued as you watched him stiffly rise to his feet. His passed interested you greatly, but you hadn’t been sure how willing he was to talk about it.

“The dancing’s just a lot less… I don’t know.” He shook his head, then chuckled. “A dance in my day was quite a show – kept everyone’s moral up – got some quite interesting dances out of it – arms and legs flying everywhere.” He chuckled at the memory, “Somehow though, it was completely planned and co-ordinated – rarely a step out of place. – Better music as well.” He added with a twist of his lips.

You laughed. “Can’t argue with that, Sir.”

“Steve, please.” He insisted, glancing over at you.

Your eyes widened slightly in surprise, but you nodded all the same. “Steve.” You agreed with a smile. You shifted uncomfortably where you still stood. “So, arms and legs flying everywhere, hmm?” You asked, hesitant to leave even if you had technically done your assigned duty now.

Steve laughed and nodded as he went to grab his empty glass from the table. “Surprisingly often.” He admitted.

“Sounds rather terrifying.” You confessed with a smirk.

“No scarier than some of the dance move’s I’ve seen at Stark’s many celebrations.” Steve pointed out with a half-smile

“Made it easier to get a date though, I imagine.” You mused, as you thought back to that time period, how every dance was usually coupled.

“More necessary to have one maybe,” Steve, laughed, “Not easier to get one.” He corrected.

You scowled playfully, “Oh, you can’t tell me Captain America didn’t have girls lining up to dance with him?” You smirked incredulously.

Steve moved across the room towards the kitchen now, “I – uh – never got the chance to dance after I was the Captain,” He explained honestly, “And I can’t say there was anyone in line when I was a skinny ass kid.” He smirked, glancing back at you as he placed his glass in the sink. He caught the look on your face. “Hey, you didn’t see me.” He chuckled.

“I dunno,” You mused with a smirk, “I always did prefer an underdog.” You winked, and you couldn’t believe you were flirting with the Steve Rogers.

He laughed though, “Well if my looks didn’t hinder me, my moves certainly did.” He pointed out “- Practise may make perfect, but I personally had no practise.” He shook his head in amusement.

“Well, if it helps, in this day and age your limited skills probably put you in the top ten percent of dancers.” You laughed.

“Oh, I’m sure you can easily match me.” He dismissed.

You snorted, “Oh, I highly doubt that.”

“Right, come here.” He gestured for you.

“What?” You laughed in disbelief, taking a tiny step back when he stepped toward you - despite him being practically on the other side of the room. “N - no, I - I can’t.” You said quickly, your cheeks flushing red.

“Sure, you can.” Steve insisted, holding out his hand, “I’ll show you, something slow – it’s easier.” He explained, stepping for confidently towards you now, covering the distance quickly with his long strides whilst you stayed in place.

“Sir – Steve,” You caught yourself, glancing down at the hand he held out as he stopped just in front of you. “There’s no music.” You protested weakly, wanting to place your palm in his, but worried.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to follow my lead.” He smirked light-heartedly. “Come on,” He urged when you still hesitated. “I thought you liked an underdog.” He teased.

You laughed, and - against your better judgement - you finally took his hand, cautiously stepping towards him as he gently pulled you in by your hand. “Ok.” You breathed nervously, trying to steady yourself. “What am I doing?” You asked anxiously, watching your feet, not quite able to believe what you were about to do. You were going to dance. With Captain America. You weren’t sure which part of that you were more afraid of.

“Ok, well, I’m going to keep hold of this hand, but hold it out here.” Steve explained, lifting your hand he still held up and out to the side. “And then, I’m going to put my hand here,” Steve told you clearly, moving his free hand to you back, placing it lightly at the bottom of your shoulder blade. “And now you do the same.” He nodded, and you faltered in surprise, forgetting you too had to be proactive, before you hesitantly lifted your own free hand to copy him. You could feel your cheeks burn as your hand brushed his back. You could only pray your palms didn’t become too sweaty. “Ok, have you heard of a foxtrot before?”

“Uh - heard of it.” You mumbled, “Never done it.”

“Me neither.” Steve confessed, then smirked down at you. “I think I know the basic, though.” He admitted, glancing down to check his foot positioning and shifting his grip on your hands slightly. “Ok.” He breathed, “Music maestro.” He muttered, and you ducked your head, sniggering quietly. The corner of Steve’s mouth twitch at your giggle. “Right, I’m going to step forward,” He warned you, “and you –“

“Step back?” You guessed, keeping your head down to watch yourself move your foot back as the Captain’s foot went forward.

“And now step the other foot back beyond that one…” Steve instructed, and you watched as you moved your foot to counteract his own, stepping back as he stepped his other foot forward.

“Ok, and now step to the side with me.” He said, taking a step to your right you followed after him, “and bring your other foot to meet.” Steve explained, and you copied his movement again till you stood in the same position as you started, your feet together directly in front of him. “Tah dah.” He hummed.

“That’s it?” You asked in surprise, glancing up from your feet for the first time.

“That’s it.” He nodded with a smirk. “Well, the basics anyway.” He shrugged.

You laughed, “Ok, I can do that.” You grinned more confidently.

“Congratulations, you’ve reached the level of my expertise.” He chuckled. “Come on, once again.” Steve ordered lightly, his hands still in place. You nodded more eagerly this time. “Back, back,” Rogers instructed you, this time keeping his own head up, though your own eyes had dropped back to your feet the moment it came to dancing again, “Side, side.”

You glanced up with a grin when you’d finished another set. “It’s actually easier than I thought,” You confessed, the relief evident in your voice. “It’s… nice.” You admitted shyly, flickering your eyes briefly up to the Captain’s before you dropped your eyes to his chest instead. “Do you mind if we do it once more?” You asked nervously.

One more that you could fully enjoy before you returned to reality.

“Yes, Ma’am” He said obediently, lifting your hand again, and repositioning the one at your back. You immediately looked to your feet as you began to follow through the steps again, but then Steve pressed your back slightly, edging you closer together so it was more difficult to see your feet. You looked up at him in confusion. “You can do it without looking.” He told you with a gentle smile, “You’ll flow better if you go with the movement.” He explained. You swallowed nervously but tried it and, though you mis-stepped a few times thanks to your nerves, you soon fell into the rhythm. Steve didn’t let you stop after one or two sets though, always immediately pulling you into another after another until you found yourself in a continuous, never ending dance. When he felt content you were comfortable with the steps, Steve seemed to increase the pace of the dance slightly. You automatically gripped his hand and back more tightly as you stumbled the first few steps as you tried to keep up with him, but Steve was patient and it wasn’t long before the two of you were falling back in sync again, now gliding far more smoothly around the large open plan room.

You couldn’t help the grin on your face at what you were somehow managing to do, though your grip on Steve barely loosened.

Steve seemed to have a song in his mind as he spun you around the room because there was almost a rhythm to his steps and it was a good few minutes before he finally pulled you to a stop.

“You, Captain Rogers,” You panted slightly, “Are a liar.” You smirked, and he looked confused at your reprimanding. “You told me you couldn’t dance, yet here I am getting swept off my feet like it’s the 1900’s.” You grinned up at him, then suddenly became aware of you how close you still were. You dropped your hand from his back, biting your lip awkwardly.

Steve suddenly realised the same, “Oh – sorry.” He murmured almost sheepishly, dropping his hand from your back as well and releasing your other hand. He seemed about to say something more when something over your shoulder caught his attention.

“Agent.” Steve greeted formally. You turned in surprise to see none other than agent Clint Barton strolling casually into the room who nodded to the two of you in greeting.

You suddenly remembered yourself, feeling your face redden again as you turned back to Steve. “I - I’m afraid I haven’t – uh – haven’t done my assigned duty.” You confessed. I’ve only managed to detain you further rather than send you to the party.” You observed.

“Oh yes, I’m sure he’s really missing me.” Steve drawled sarcastically with an amused half-smile.

“Either way,” You shook your head with a grin, “I should – I should go.” You said gesturing at the doorway, glancing between the agent and Steve and already taking a step back. “I – uh – I hope you have a good night, Captain Rogers.” You smiled genuinely, as you turned to leave. “Agent.” You nodded in farewell.

Barton nodded back at you kindly.

“And you –“ Steve began, then falter when it suddenly hit him that he’d never asked your name.

You couldn’t help the snicker that escape your lips from the look on his face as you glanced back, still walking towards the door. “[Y/N].” You called back to him with a grin.

Steve ducked his head sheepishly where he still stood, nodding in acknowledge. “Goodnight [Y/N].” He smirked, glancing up at you.

You gave him a last small, shy smile in parting before you finally disappeared around the doorframe and into the corridor.

Steve glanced to Barton now, who had raised one eyebrow suggestively at the solider. Steve sighed, in a don’t-say-anything kind of way. “What’s up Barton?” Steve muttered, turning away and deciding he might need another drink.

“Tough kid, eh?” He observed, glancing back at the door where you had disappeared. “Barely even limping.” He noted.

Steve frowned. “Why would she be limping?”

“Please tell you’re kidding?” Clint asked incredulously, standing on the other side of the breakfast bar whilst Steve retrieved his glass. “What did ya do, talk about yourself the whole time?” He demanded in disbelief. Steve had the decency to feel his cheeks warm as he grabbed a tea towel. “That’s [Y/N] [L/N].” He stated as though that meant something. “Remember Alaska?” Clint prompted with wide eyes. Steve frowned – of course he remembered Alaska - worst team losses he’d suffered for years. “That kid was part of the support team for us - nearly had her whole leg blown off.” Clint explained as Steve now handed him a drink before turning to pour his own. “She was in surgery for weeks, only released the other day.” He informed Steve, then dropped his chin, staring at his drink for a moment. “Only survivor of her group.” He stated, lifting the drink to take a large gulp, clear that this fact weighed heavily on him.

Steve’s eyes flickered to the door as he tried his glass. The girl had been nervous to dance – now he knew why – prosthetics were difficult at the best of times, let alone if you were still relatively new to them. She’d been slower sure, maybe clumsy, perhaps, but she’d said it herself she’d never done it before, so he’d simply put it down to that. Yes, now looking back, maybe she’d held onto him more - leant into him – but Steve hadn’t really thought on it at the time. Given the amount of time since he’d last dance he couldn’t have said it wasn’t normal anyway.

“What does she do now?” Steve muttered, finally pulling his eyes away from the empty doorway.

Barton glanced up from where he too had been lost in his own thoughts. “Stark hooked her up with a job in the engineer – apparently she’s quite handy with a wrench.” Barton informed. “In numerous ways I’ve heard.” He smirked reluctantly, and Steve raised an amused eyebrow at this. “Let’s just say if you see an engineer with a bruised forehead, you’ll know why – you’ll also know he deserved it.” Clint snorted.

Steve snickered lightly, barely knowing [Y/N] but somehow thinking this suited her character.

“So, what?” Clint said, leaning back from the bar with his drink, with a quirked eyebrow. “Thinking about paying the engineering department a visit?” He teased suggestively.

Steve shrugged as he turned to face the agent with his glass, leaning back against the counter with folded arms. Steve smirked lightly, “It’s possible my bike might need some work…” He confessed.

Tags for Everything: @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @jemjem-chan @nerdybirdyfiz @angelicshinigami @beautifulbows924 @sheldonsherlocktony @arkhamsurviour @thatwriterizzy

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers fan fiction #steve rogers x reader fan fiction #steve rogers x reader oneshot #steve rogers oneshot #captain america #captain america oneshot #captain america fan fiction #captain america x reader #captain america x reader fan fiction #thejokersengima #thejokersenigma fan fiction #thejokersenigma oneshot #marvel fan fiction #avengers fan fiction

[suchawonderfullife]

Rebuilding My Life After a Decade of Illness

It’s been over 1 year since my first round of treatment at Hansa. Honestly it feels like 3 years because my impatience gets the better of me and I just want a normal life again. I am feeling quite frustrated and “stuck” between two worlds at the moment. My health is certainly better than it was before treatment, I’d say I’m still sitting at around 70-80% health. 

My Grandfather became sick 2 months ago and was diagnosed as terminal. My health deteriorated significantly from the stress and grief of watching him slowly die over 6 weeks. I really thought my health was in a better place and was surprised by my deterioration. It just goes to show you how toxic stress is to the body. My health dipped to around 50% and now I have to work to build it back up. I’m struggling with fatigue, air hunger, mood swings, bone pain and more. I’m still able to work, but the pain I experience in my body working a physical job has increased dramatically as my muscles and organs don’t have the strength they had a few months ago. 

My frustration lies with my work life. I don’t see myself as a “sick” person anymore, I don’t really belong in that category of illness being my entire existence and needing the doctors visits, medications and constant rest to simply survive. I have a life now, I can care for myself completely, run errands, work a few shifts a week etc. But I’m not fully back into the working world because I can’t work full time, I don’t have a career or any qualifications and so I feel like I’m balancing on a tight rope, just teetering between the “sick world” and “working world” because I’m not quite in both. 

I’m currently working as a waitress and looking to study a cert 3 or 4 at T.A.F.E. to gain skills in becoming a receptionist. I know I should be grateful to be able to do any of this. Considering 5 years ago I was bedridden with carers, I couldn’t even sit up for 10 minutes, I couldn’t hold a conversation, I left my house once every 3 months in a wheelchair and my Dr thought I was going to die. I wanted to die because my suffering was so unbearable and unrelentless. To have fought as hard as I have to save my life, I should be in awe of my achievements and where I’m at. In one instance I am, but in another, I’m also embarressed. Because I’m not really part of that “sick” world anymore, I don’t see it as ‘well I’m sick so the fact I’m working 10 hours a week is amazing,’ I see it as ‘my health is pretty good (considering where it was) but I can only work 10 hours a week.’ 

I wish I didn’t care what people think, but I do think a lot about how my life appears to those on the outside. That’s what the quote above represents. I’m not quite there yet, of not caring about how my life looks to others. I’m almost 30 years old and I work in a job with people a decade younger than me.They’re doing what is expected at that age of studying at University, or working full time or raising children and using the waitressing as a way of earning extra money. I just feel like - I’m 30, working as a waitress and that’s all I do; it looks like I’m lazy and umambitious to those who know nothing of my story. Which is me putting words in everyone’s mouth of course and simply judging myself because I have no evidence of this. Don’t get me wrong either, I love my job and the people I work with. I’ve always loved hospitality work and I’m proud of where I work, but if I wasn’t sick, that would be my second job on top of a career or study, instead it being all I do. 

Then I think about getting a certificate to help me gain work as a receptionist. People will say to me “so what do you do for work?” and my reply will be “Oh I’m a receptionist at a GP’s office.” Now there’s nothing wrong with being a waitress or receptionist, I mean no disrespect to those who have those jobs. But I’m coming from where I was career wise before I got sick and the vision I had of my life. I don’t want to study to help me get a job as a Receptionist because I think ‘yeah i’d love to do that,’ it’s an option because I think ‘it’s a job my body could cope with.’ I’m angry because I feel my potential and my intelligence has been wasted. My memory and overall intelligence is not as high as it was because of the toxins in my brain and that frustrates me. But I’m still incredibly smart and driven. I’m just restricted greatly by my bodies limitations. 

I also feel like coming out of a decade of illness and rebuilding my work life, it’s similar to when you finish highschool and then get a job. Back when I finished Highschool, I went to University, got my Personal Training qualifications on top of that and worked 3 jobs. Now, I feel that I look like that lazy kid out of highschool, that doesn’t have the ambition for Uni and instead goes ‘meh I’ll go work this waitressing job on weekends and do some cert 3 at Tafe and work as a receptionist.’ You know the type of person, that they’re happy getting by on an easy life and doing the bare minimum? Which is FINE, I have no judgement to those who want that life because we need people in those kinds of jobs. But I never wanted that life. That’s not who I am. I’m a type A personality, according to the ‘personality experts’ I’d make a great Principle, Governer or CEO. Can you imagine the career or things in life you want the most? The goals you set for yourself and work hard to achieve? But not being able to work towards them or achieve them because of your health? Instead you have to settle for far less than you know you’re capable of. No wonder my Dr says I carry so much anger and resentment in my liver. I feel like my body is a prison I can never escape. 

Losing my entire 20′s to being seriously ill, I feel like at 30 I’m back at square one, rebuilding my work life, only this time it’s so much harder because I’m older and limited in my options due to my still restricted health. I have worked in the last 10 years, but it’s been sporadic (in periods of better health), or I’ve worked for myself so my hours were minimal. My biggest drive to recieving treatment overseas was so I could work for an employer consistently without being a burden or having to quit 6 months later due to relapse. I wanted to be able to work and have a life too, before my treatment it was either work a few days a week but do nothing else, or care for yourself and go out once every few weeks. So my frustration is not about the fact that I’ve done no work for the past 10 years, it’s about the fact that I wasn’t given a choice in the work I could do, the career I could build or the goals I could set for myself.  

Also, when it comes to looking for work, I have to be very skillful in how I present myself to potential employers because they can be more likely to pick someone much younger. I also have to have back stories ready as to why I’m only available certain hours or explaining previous employment hours or outcomes because I feel I could be judged for the illness I had. I’ve been fortunate to find work quite easily despite these obstacles and I feel my intelligence is a testament to that. 

I just got hired in a second job today, working in retail, which I’m really excited about. I really hope it’s another step forward in creating a work-life and career for myself that reflects my capabilities and ambition. Maybe in 10 years I’ll be a Manager of a multi-million dollar business, I know I have those skills as I’ve worked as a Manager, ran teams of people and really thrived at it. But right now I’m exhausted, I’m disappointed at my bodies failings from my current stress, I’m frustrated at my limited options for work due to my health and I want so much more because I know I’m capable and it’s what I deserve. 

I still have to focus greatly on my healing. I’m terrified of relapse, or getting cancer in 5, 10, 20 years because of my compromised immune system and the statistics of my life expectancy. I still take all my treatments from Hansa multiple times a day, I have to focus on my diet, I do detoxing multiple times a week and use things like essential oils. I started acupuncture 2 weeks ago under recommendation from my Hansa Dr to help rebuild my health. I plan to do that every week for 4-6 weeks and then look at moving onto a Homeopath or Kinisiologist to work out my next moves to keep repairing my body. This stuff costs a lot of money too. I’m always stressed about money and having to juggle whether I pay for treatment that can help, or pay that bill or contribute to my savings to grow the life my partner and I want. It’s such a hard balance to work out. Then I think what the hell do healthy people spend their money on? 

I think it’s OK that I’m frustrated right now. Because it means I will keep pushing myself to get better and growing my work-life as I want it. Patience has never been my strong suit. I hope my new retail job creates a stable job I can build up my hours with, to create more stamina for my body, I’ll study a cert 3 or 4 at Tafe and maybe go back to Uni for another Bachelor’s degree. The universe usually aligns things for me at the right time so that everything works out. I have to keep reminding myself of that. 

#hansa #hansa centre #lyme #Lyme Disease #chronic illness #chronic fatigue syndrome #chronic lyme

[maryisis]

A “coming out” post...

I am choosing to participate in a global “coming out” movement called “Thank you Plant Medicine”(TYPM)- (from the website: This movement was born as a response to the stigma in society about the use of psychoactive plants and therapy-assisted psychedelics.We dream of a world where these substances are free from stigma and discrimination, for personal and collective healing.We are organizing a global wave of gratitude for February 20, 2020, calling on people to “come out” with their stories of healing and transformation on that day, using the hashtag #ThankYouPlantMedicine. www.thankyouplantmedicine.com

I would first like to preface by saying that the use of psychoactive/consciousness altering plants or fungi is NOT for everyone and by sharing my perspective I mean in no way to persuade or promote it. Okay? Okay. 

At the young and seemingly fearless age of fourteen I learned through reading some books and magazines about how a person could consume specific kinds of mushrooms and totally alter and explore their consciousness, and perhaps other dimensions of reality (this was before internet use was widespread). I was utterly fascinated and being the curious and hungry-for-the-meaning-of-life young teen that I was I decided to seek out these magical fungi. It didn’t take me long to find them, with the help of a more experienced person who knew how to find them in the cow pasture.....(Panaeolus cyanescens). I had only read about effects from various books and articles but I really was not prepared at all for what I was about to experience. After consuming who knows how many mushrooms (not very smart...) about 20 minutes later I began to feel my senses becoming highly elevated and intensified. The intensity only grew stronger and stronger, to the point of becoming totally overwhelming with surging feelings and emotions and then also altered perception to the point of only being able to see vibrant pulsating rainbow dripping rootlike formations filling my vision. I had no idea how to navigate this unknown realm of feeling and perception, yet I rode it out meeting the experience with utter awe. Then, I started to feel some background trepidation at how I was supposed to return home in such a state, with it being a school night and all...long story short I made it home safely with my tripper “boyfriend” at the time and he informed my parents what we had done, much to their dismay at seeing their daughter in such a state. I somehow floated up to my room where I spent the remainder of the experience laying in a bed that I felt I was continuously sinking into, watching the trees dance outside my window. I had deep insights that night into the personal truth of my being and regard the experience as a sort of “rite of passage” out of my childhood self. That was 25 years ago. Now in retrospect- had I known how the brain develops, I probably would not have done such a thing...I think there’s something to be said for the importance of having your brain fully developed before altering the brain chemistry ...yet I’m pretty sure I ended up alright and I can’t say I regret any of my use of mind altering substances (ok-except maybe a couple of times....lol). As I said before- I was a very curious soul, and it didn’t take me long to realize that the “Just Say No” propaganda campaign that I grew up with was more than just a war on drugs- it was a war on consciousness. How we got to this point of “mind control” is something to ponder.

My relationship with psychedelic plants/fungi has changed a lot over the years and I would say that the major shift happened about 19 years ago when I participated in my first plant medicine ceremony. Finally- I got a taste of what my soul has been thirsting for- Ceremony and experiencing the sacred and divine aspects of existence. Rewind-I lived most of my life in a community and area where Cannabis was freely and frequently used recreationally. I also began using cannabis in my teens- in a non-intentional way- not to say that I didn’t have meaningful experiences in that non-intentional context- However I have learned that intention, ritual and/or ceremony can greatly enhance the benefit in the communing with these “entheogens”- a term I like to use which translates literally as “becoming god within.” When I realized the extent as to which the society in  I lived tries to govern our lives- to the point of having laws that make NATURE ILLEGAL- I felt very passionate about RECLAIMING MY BASIC HUMAN RIGHT- to explore my consciousness. When I saw peaceful and kind people I knew facing jail time and/or having their houses taken away because of growing cannabis, it deeply disturbed me. And so my motivation in “coming out” comes from this place within, that believes that it is morally WRONG that plants and fungi that have awesome potential healing value are illegal. Anyone who does their studies of scientific research as well as historical/cultural studies will learn how much value the plant of Cannabis, for example, has for healing. The endo-cannabinoid system of the human body is proof that humans have evolved, in close relationship with this plant. And of course HEMP, which is the non-psychoactive cannabis species has a plethora of amazing uses which would greatly help our society and environment if it were more widely embraced and cultivated.

Thankfully “the times are a changin!’” More and more studies are being allowed and funded, the laws of the land are starting to change in many places and more and more people are beginning to learn about and honor the deep inherent value of these natural plant medicines. These are exciting times and yet we still have a long way to go! And it is my perspective that we need these plant medicines now more than ever so as to help with the healing of humanity on a spiritual level- to awaken us out of the materialist mindset trance of scarcity, unworthiness, fear and disconnection from nature. The fascinating scientific studies are showing us how the chemicals in these plants and fungi work on the brain, in beneficial ways to help people heal with ailments such as depression, PTSD and anxiety. The healing potential of these plants and fungi have been known for thousands of years to various indigenous cultures, who have kept such wisdom alive throughout the millennia through their initiated healer lineages. It is very important to honor the traditions and lineages from which the traditional ceremonial use of these plant medicines originate from because it is these people that have the deeply developed relationship with these plants and understand them in intimate ways which most western psyche’s do not and I dare say cannot (unless immersed in the studies and apprenticing with these traditional plant medicine healers.) And so while these are hopeful times with potential healing that these plant medicines present our deeply troubled and sick society, we must be mindful that our own egoistic tendencies don’t get the best of us.  I have been working with powerful plant medicines for over 20 years now and I am still most definitely a humble student on the path of healing...still learning the delicate process of surrender to the inexplicable healing powers of these plant teachers and the wisdom teachings and deeply meaningful insights they bestow.

Personally, most meaningful and valuable to my own life, of which I have received from my relationship with plant medicine teachers, namely Ayahuasca and Psilocybin mushrooms, has been my feeling of CONNECTION- Connection to Nature, to Spirit, to everything! In my expanded states I can see clearly how my thoughts and actions affect those around me and the whole. In working with these plants/fungi I naturally gravitated towards living a more healthier lifestyle- being careful of what I choose to consume physically or mentally.  Unhealthy habits steadily and easily fell away. A significant healing aspect of these plant medicines is how they have the capacity to disrupt our conditioned thought patterning- which is a very good thing because much of our behavior and thought processes are governed by our habitual patterning- which keeps us very limited in our perception and what we are capable of experiencing. This can lead in turn to depression, addiction, frustration, and other mental and physical ailments. As we are learning with the exciting field of neuroscience, our thoughts, emotions and perceptions are closely linked and work in a cyclical way. This leads me to honor the ways that these plants have helped me to develop my visionary abilities. One of the most powerful visionary perceptions I have had to date through Grandmother medicine was the experience of perceiving the ALL, underlying state of UNITY- it was an ineffable experience- impossible to put into words- but made a very deep impression on my life and perception of reality. I felt completely liberated from all fear and filled with AWE, totally absorbed in the interconnected matrix of all creation. One more thing. Being a singer and musician- it has been a profound gift and one of my greatest joys to sing my prayers and songs while in communion with plant medicine, in ceremony. I am so deeply grateful for all the plant teachers in my life- they are so dear to my heart and my relationship with each continues to evolve in mysterious and miraculous ways. Deep bows of reverence and respect.

 One of the main ways I have integrated the visions and insights that I have received from these plants/fungi is through music. I have always been a musical person, since before I could even talk I was already singing. In my life today, Music is a central aspect and purpose of my incarnation. I feel inspired to add here that the wisdom of the Yogic path has also played an equally important role in my evolution- I was introduced to the path of Yoga also at 14, which has helped me immensely on my journey with its ancient and very relevant wisdom teachings of self realization.  I have also always had an interest in the healing plants and started studying herbal healing in depth in my late teens. I have many healing plant allies that I work with on a daily basis. 

 Above photo with a Chacruna plant, the pair to the Ayahuasca vine, which contains DMT- the potent visionary molecule, belonging to the “Tryptamines,” indolealkylamine molecules, which evoke release of Seratonin and Dopamine. DMT is present naturally in the human body, especially in the gut. But only when paired with a MAOI (Monoamine oxidase inhibitor), which is found in Ayahuasca vine, can this molecule actually have its effects. The MAOI that are in the vine are classified as Beta-carbolines. These very special molecules are Harmine and Harmaline. Below is a photo of Ayahuasca vine Banisteriopsis caapi. Interestingly, when the molecule of harmine was first discovered in the vine, it was called “telepathine,”  because “of the reported effects of Ayahuasca among the indigenous users, including: collective contact with and/or visions of jaguars, snakes, and jeweled birds, and ancestral spirits; the ability to see future events; and as the name suggests, telepathic communication among tribal members.”(from wikipedia)

Harmine can also be found in Syrian Rue seeds (Peganum harmala) as well as in Passionflower leaf (much lower amounts.) My experiences with Syrian Rue seed (extract) have been very significant actually, while it isn’t really psychedelic all on its own, I highly value the medicine that it is for calming the mind, increasing serotonin and inducing flow states of consciousness. It also creates energetic sensitivity and increased psychic(”telepathine”) ability.  It ALSO is a powerful anti-parasitic- amazingly and much to my shock it rid my body of parasites! Thankfully it is NOT ILLEGAL(except in Australia where its controlled). The studies on Harmine and Harmaline are very promising and are shown to have significant healing properties, such as anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer actions. I’m very enthusiastic for the healing potential of Syrian Rue and Ayahuasca vine! 

One last thing before I close this share and it has to do with integrity and sustainability. The way I see it is that these plants are coming into prominence in our society right now because they are very much needed for our healing. We are facing various levels of existential crises, and I see these medicines acting like the white blood cells of this earth, to help us humans heal our sickness and reconnect to our sense of purpose and belonging to this world (not the world belonging to us, for our use/abuse). However, we cannot continue to take and take without giving back- that sort of behavior is how we’ve gotten ourselves into this imbalance within ourselves and the planet. It is my prayer and vision that those who are called to plant medicine path, do so with the intention of healing themselves so that they may be of service to the healing of the WHOLE. (There’s a lot more that could be said here about safety, the ceremonial container and the facilitator/shaman/medicine healer that creates the ceremonial container.I would recommend this article for this specific topic). Each person has their own unique calling and purpose in which they can serve the whole and that is for each soul to discover within. We start by healing ourselves...that is the key- because our individual healing ripples out. The healing light and love that we cultivate within shines out to inspire and awaken light and love in others. Our own inner harmony will reflect to the outer world. When we live our lives from a balanced place of “right relationship” and reciprocity, as a result we cultivate more integrity and mutual respect. We must integrate the wisdom we gain into daily practices that anchor more loving kindness and compassion because that is what is needed on this planet. 

Thanks for reading!!

#thankyouplantmedicine #plantmedicine #healingplants #visionaryplants #decriminalizenature

[jswdmb1]

Old Man

“Old man

take a look at my life 

I'm a lot like you”

- Neil Young

I seemingly have no skin in this dumb “OK boomer” thing, but I would argue that I have the most right to be offended by this generational nonsense. You see, no one has bothered to ask my opinion even though I, as a proud member of Gen X, am in the current position of what I like to call generation stuck in the middle. It’s like being on a bus in between two screaming lunatics who don’t even notice that I am there. Yet, no one is better equipped to help referee this dispute other than us in Gen X since we are the only ones who have actually talked among all of the current generations.  If you talk to anyone from Gen X, I think most would tell you that we are actually OK being left alone.  I mean, since we are the parents of Gen Z, bosses of Millennials, and the adult children of boomers, they all need us way more than we need any of them.  Now, I’m not trying to start a fight here, my point is that every generation thinks theirs is the best when it’s always somewhere in the middle.  Since middle is my game now, I am here to present the pros and cons of all our current generations:

The Greatest Generation: born before 1946

Pros:  Sadly, this generation is leaving us more and more each day, and we need them more then ever.  For me, this is the generation of my grandparents that was born in the 20′s and 30′s, lived through a depression and a world war, and then did their best to raise the next generation in a way that allowed them to succeed without ever having to go through what they did ever again.  Their bravery and willingness to sacrifice were at levels we will never see again.  We need to take as much advantage as possible of those that remain to gather whatever wisdom we can from them that can be applied to the troubles we face today and moving forward.  We cannot also forget to thank them for everything we have and generations of the future will have because of their efforts.

Cons: The greatest title unfortunately comes with an asterisk.  While this country fought oversees against bigotry, hatred and oppression so that all could live freely, many Americans were not so fortunate back home.  People were excluded from the “American Dream” based on race, ethnicity, gender and/or sexual orientation.  Often, this exclusion was carried out in brutal ways designed to oppress individuals of their rights not just as Americans but as human beings.  I am certainly not suggesting that every member of this generation is a racist or intolerant, but the significant pain caused in this country during the time that this generation was in full power cannot be ignored.

The Baby Boomers: born between 1946 and 1964

Pros: The contributions that the boomers have made to our world are almost immeasurable.  Where would we be without the technological advances that came along in the 70s, 80s, & 90s that set the stage for the world as we know it today.  Boomers were on the cutting edge of social change as well demanding the generation ahead of them include all Americans in the nation as full and equal members.  My parents were on the edge of the boomer generation, but I consider them a part of it and I identify now what they went through as a “sandwich” generation during the 70s and 80s.  People make fun of it now, but those days had a lot of stresses and pressures.  I would love to see how today’s world would react to the inflation and real unemployment of the late 70s or early 80s.  What would you do if gas prices doubled tomorrow?  They also took care of parents with many less resources and much poorer health than our older generation has now.  They were truly instrumental in the massive transition this country made to get us where we are at this point, and that should not be forgotten especially as many like my dad are leaving us far too soon.

Cons: Boomers made a lot of mistakes.  Even as kids, we knew it and wondered what exactly were they thinking sometimes.  Personally, I don’t fault the boomers for all the choices they made nor do I think that all our current problems are squarely on them.  What I think irks the younger generations is their general unwillingness to concede that they made mistakes which prevented them from learning how to help fix the messes they made.  Our president is a perfect example with this, and he is just a reflection of the group that was largely responsible for electing him.  The other issue with Boomers is that they refuse to step aside and give up the notion that this world is theirs forever.  The most ridiculous thing I heard with this OK Boomer thing was that is was bigoted and would hurt the prospects of many boomers who plan to be around for a lot longer (living off of Medicaid and Social Security we can’t afford, but I digress).  Boomers just can’t get that it is not all about them anymore.  Remember though, that they were initially part of the “Me” generation in the 70′s so we can’t be surprised by their behavior.  The problem now is that their unwillingness to cede power is hurting us.  That is why I think their should be an age cap on running for political office of any kind of 65 years old.  Agism you say?  I guess maybe, but I call it self protectionism.  It’s the same logic that sets floors to the age limits to prevent people from being too young to hold such important responsibilities.  I say, if you are between 25 and 65, you can be in politics, and after that step aside and let the generation who has everything at stake drive for a while.  

Gen X - born between 1965 and 1980

Pros: It’s hard to point to exactly what we in this generation have done so far, but I think as the current “sandwich” generation, we are doing our best to advance the concepts of inclusiveness and awareness of our impact on this Earth to the generations below us that we are either mentoring or raising.  I don’t think history is going to look back at us as the “greatest” and we don’t have the same flair as the boomers did, but I think we will be remembered as the generation that quietly did our part to set the table for those coming up behind us to be successful.  I also think many in our generation will gladly step aside much sooner than the boomers to let those we have nurtured take over.  I envision being the generation that really provides the mentoring and support needed to hopefully get us to the point where hope is restored in our younger generations.  Maybe the best thing we bring to the table is empathy and we can use that to bridge between a generation that seems to have lacked it and ones coming up that crave it.

Cons: Our cons are the same as our pros.  We have been too benign and let the boomers get away with far too much when we had a chance to stop some of the nonsense they are spewing now.  Protests and social activism were unheard of when I was in college in the early 90s and our focus was too much on being good students to get good jobs to become good corporate citizens when we needed to move out of our comfort zone more.  I also think we are the generation who is to be blamed most for the current state of the climate.  We are the main generation fueling the economy right now and have been for the past decade or so, yet we have not made the changes or demands to turn ourselves towards green practices.  The barriers to green technology have come down greatly during this time period and we have been slow to adapt.  We also didn’t put pressure on those above us when we were younger and science presented evidence that our earth was being destroyed, which they dismissed.  That goes way back and we were asleep at the wheel on what arguably is the most important issue facing us today.  That may stain our generation in a way that can never be repaired.

And the rest... - born after 1980 -

I know there are distinct generations within this group, but as an old fogey I get to lump them all together because those damn kids are all the same to me!  Besides, kids don’t use Facebook or read long-form essays on Tumblr so they’ll never see this anyway.  And, I’m not doing pros and cons for them because everyone gets the same grade in the post Gen-X generation: “meets expectations”.  That last part isn’t a joke as if I were evaluating the generations behind me that is the grade that I would give them.  I think they are doing a good job so far, but their immaturity and lack of experience holds them back from being great.  I actually see many of them fitting more into an “exceeds expectations” category if they continue with their true embrace of inclusion of all people and their commitment to the environment.  It is also a very service oriented generation, and I would argue far less materialistic than generations before them going back to the boomers.  They need to work on communication skills for sure and definitely need to learn how to develop a bit of a thicker skin, but I see a lot of hope in this group.  I am particularly excited to see them start taking control in politics and I hope it is sooner than later.  We cannot afford to wait for their innovation as our future lies in the balance with little hope if the status quo stays in place.  Let’s face it, whether I believe any of this or not, don’t we have to?  I mean if this is a horse race, I’m certainly putting my money on these kids to get the job done over anyone else.

And, I guess that’s the conclusion that I have come to as I reflect on this particular essay.  It’s that the youngest generation is always the most important as they have the most promise as well as the most at stake.  At the age of 47, I don’t plan to sit on the sidelines or not help out, but I can acknowledge that even at that relatively young age the spotlight is no longer on me.  Whether it be my music, or education, or technology skills (or lack there of), my opinions and tastes don’t matter anymore.  The other day, someone gave me an “OK Boomer” in jest and at first I took offense.  Mostly because I am not that old, but it initially stung to hear it directed at me even as a joke.  I soon realized though, that it is just that - a joke and that brings me to the best thing I think Gen X has going for it - our sense of humor.  So, if I have any advice for the Gen Zs or whatever they are called and the Boomers is to work together and laugh while you do it.  And quit yelling over Gen X while you fight.  I’m trying to watch Seinfeld reruns.

Cheers,

Jim

[simnovels-blog]

EA RANT

Ok so I was reading reblogs and comments under a post that someone created in appreciation for the new Cats and Dogs expansion and calling out people who are crying they aren’t getting what they want. First of all I want to say that I agree that simple hate for something will never get you very far. EA won’t listen to you if you scream in capital letters that you want a different expansion or if you want horses in your game. They will just laugh at you as they cash in their millions in november.

BUT, I do agree with the core of what these people are trying to say. I think it’s better though to form a well thought, well written opinion which explains exactly why Cats & Dogs and the Sims 4 in general is such a disappointment so that everyone, even the die hard Sims 4 fans, understands what these ‘hating’ players are going through. So I decided to post a rant about EA and the direction they took with Sims 4, which will forever make me sad and disappointed and this is why (I’ll add a read more button but please do read more):

First of all: I am 25 years old now. When The Sims was released I was eight and I can still remember very well the first time I played the game at my friend’s house. She was so kind to lend me her disk set so that my dad could copy it (yes, very oldskool, back in the day copying disks wasn’t a crime yet lol). And so i had my very first Sims game and I fell in love with it immediately. From then on, I patiently waited for every christmas, birthday and the Dutch holiday Sinterklaas to ask for new expansions and I played them more than any other game we had. All the way up to Sims 3 Into the Future. Sims was and is my childhood, my teenhood and now even my tweenhood (are those real words? lol). So you can imagine how excited I was when Sims 4 was announced!

Sims 4 looked amazing in the first trailers. I didn’t care for the change in art style. Cartoony would be fine with me because this was going to be a new Sims and it was going to give us even more than what Sims 3 already offered. EA’s campaign focused greatly on the new improved CAS and their emotion system. The way they presented it made it look really cool. It actually seemed like you could knead your sim in any way possible and those emotions felt like a true enrichment to storytellers. As a storyteller, these teasers and trailers and gameplay trailers made me incredibly excited!

I was lucky enough to be asked to review The Sims 4 by my current employer back then a gaming website called XGN.nl (right now it’s just a clickbait SEO mania there but when I worked there back in 2014 they did produce some quality). This meant I received a copy of The Sims 4 for free. This is when I was first encountered with how EA deceived us with their trailers. Every company does this of course, but I had to say it was a great disappointment to try out the new CAS and bump into very strict limits when it came to kneading your sim. The sliders were basically still there, just hidden behind a different mechanic that also didn’t work very well yet (they patched it later). Second of all, the emotion system was completely dominating the game, meaning that sims were ALWAYS feeling a certain emotion. They were never ‘neutral’. Another ridiculous element they added was the sudden change of moods whenever your sim walked into a room with a sculpture or painting that was created in a certain mood. Did your sim’s father die 5 minutes ago? No worries, just take a look at a playful painting and you’re all good again. This was not the emotional system they promoted. This was a mechanic that was way too flexible and not realistic at all even on a cartoony level. It completely destroyed the possibility to make beautiful screenshots and stories of your sims without having to use posepacks and this was exactly what I loved doing.

Of course there were also the other restrictions like the lack of toddlers, swimming pools, dishwashers, pregnancy leave… the super tiny neighborhoods with fixed lots and those horrible loading screens… It was definitely a step back from Sims 3. They did announce they would prioritize performance over content this time, but it seemed to me that they weren’t given the appropriate budget for this game. Even back in 2014 it should’ve been possible to create at least an open neighborhood with lots you could move around to your desire and still imrpove performance compared to Sims 3. Of course that would mean the development cost would be higher so this is where I start my actual rant. I’m pretty sure EA didn’t give them the money they needed to create a proper sequel. EA is notorious for being a cashgrab company and they saw more profit in a low cost model that would attract the new generation who grew up with mobile games and NOT with the older Sims games. They saw money in those teens and younger kids who weren’t in the possession of an up-to-date gaming pc and therefore were used to playing stuff like candy crush on their phone. And of course, they were right. This was a huge group of people it turned out and they considered Sims 4 a success.

But what about their old player base? What about me? What about everyone else that was like me? We had been looking forward to a sequel for five years already. This was no sequel. This was a different game made for different players who never experienced the enormous and free worlds of Sims 3. On top of that, this wasn’t a game for creative people either. They took away create a style, they took away toddlers (thank god they fixed that one though), they made the baby stuck to a crib, they added loading screens, sims would look vastly out of place now if CC’d, everything a creative person loves to do, to direct their game and have all the freedom to create any kind of picture they desire was taken away.

In the beginning I still had hope. I thought: expansions are going to turn this game into something great just like they did with the other series. But even here EA decided to take the cash-grab route instead. Instead of releasing expansions with a decent amount of content they went for the modern way of DLC: add only one or two extra things per DLC. Comparing expansions of The Sims 4 to expansions of The Sims 3 and simply calculating the amount of hours of gameplay each expansion gives if you try out everything once showed how TS4 expansions are only a fraction of what TS3 had to offer. Again: their arguments were about keeping the performance good enough for even low-end laptops. But seriously my phone could probably run TS4 without any lag. This day and age it IS possible to create way more than what they do with the TS4 and still have a decent performance even on an outdated PC. So this had to be a matter of budget. I don’t blame the developers. They get their money from EA. I blame EA for not giving the developers enough money to make a worthy sequel or to make worthy expansion packs. And it’s not just with Sims 4 btw. They completely ruined the Mass Effect series as well with that monstrosity they call Mass Effect Andromeda. If you google a bit about what happened there, you can see how bad management, a low budget and a deadline pushed way too early by EA messed up the entire development of that game. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same thing is happening behind the screens of the Sims 4, but we just don’t know about it.

The worst thing is, at least here in Europe, Sims 4 isn’t any cheaper than Sims 3. Even though the development cost was clearly a lot lower and even though they give us a lot less content, the base game and its expansion packs still cost the same amount as a Sims 3 expansion. You pay 40 euros for Get to Work, which gives you only 3 new careers. This is the same amount you pay for Ambition, which adds so much more. I don’t even want to speak about the Vampires game pack which is the prominent example of how EA decided to cut previous expansions into thousands of little pieces and then sell them for a high price each to get more money.

This finally brings me to the newly announced Cats & Dogs expansion. Again, at least half was cut off the content we had previously gotten in pets expansions and the only new thing they added was a vet career. To make it even worse, cats and dogs won’t be controllable so when the crappy AI abandons you and fucks one of them up, you are basically screwed since you can’t control them to fix the issue. We will have to see about this when it is actually released, but it’s perfectly possible your pet will get stuck in your house somewhere and die of starvation simply because you can’t get to it in any way. Besides this possible issue, it’s another restraint for creators. A lot of stories including pets can’t be made now since the pets can’t be directed into a desirable action or position. I can’t imagine every storyteller is patient enough to wait until the pet performs the desired action by themselves. Back in Sims 2 pet’s weren’t controllable either, but at least they had a cheat so you had the option of you really wanted to. Now they announced they won’t even give us that cheat. This isn’t because they don’t want to give us a cheat, it’s most probably because they never developed the possibility of controlling a pet to begin with. Again, I suspect this was a budget issue. If they wanted to make pets controllable, with their given budget they probably had to cut down on other stuff like autonomous AI. Again, EA decided to go cash grab instead of giving us more options and more freedom to create whatever we want with this game.

They have derailed from a sandbox game into a more RPG/mobile game kind of feel. I just can’t understand why they did that. Did they underestimate the size of their creative playerbase? Did they underestimate how restrictive some of their choices would be? I don’t think so. I think they simply didn’t care. They care about money, that’s what EA is famous for. They have been given ‘awards’ for being the worst gaming company  plenty of times already. Sims 4 is one of the shining bright examples as to why they deserve those awards.

One can only hope that one day a different developer with a less money greedy publisher will pick up Sims where the third series left off and make their own version of The Sims. This already happened with for example Cities Skylines and Planet Coaster, who are succesors of Sim City and Rollercoaster Tycoon created by different companies. But as long as there’s no announcement about such a thing, all I can really do is be sad about what Sims 4 never was and never will be.

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 rant #ea rant #ea #electronic arts #sims 3 #ts3 #i hope it's clear now for all of the sims 4 fans why the game receives the criticism you guys hate so much