#please reblog with the link so i can go insane over it

[rain-after-thunder]

Disabled Aelwyn who uses crutches.

Aelwyn who can’t go back to school to finish her wizzard studies, who starts researching different ways to bend magic to her will.

Aelwyn, who has always had a knack for creating new spells, starting to tinker at her own crutches, weaving wards into the framework.

Aelwyn, for who good is not good enough, caves and asks Gorgug for help. Who finds a way to make her crutches extend, bend and move to support her arms, elbows, shoulders. Makes them connect to her back, her hips, down her legs .

They no longer look much like crutches anymore, it’s a thin, light framework that supports her entire body, that moves her exactly the way she wants, that allows her to stand with her back straight for more than 5 minutes for the first time in two years. The exoskeleton glows with abjurative runes and the outline of a powerfull ward is visible over her body, deflecting blows like steel armor.

New spells rest in her memory, mechanical and precise if nature in a way that the arcane inks in her spelbook can’t articulate. Spare the Dying, Resistance, Cure Wounds, Sanctuary.

Her joints still ache, she tires fast and even after all this time it is still hard to control the venom in her words, still hard to accept help and kindness without it feeling like a wool blanket on freshly flayed skin. But she has found something that is wholly hers, found something to be proud of that isn’t tinged with approval from her parents.

Aelwyn still can’t walk without support, but the frame folding her up is crafted by her own hands. Maybe everything will be allright.

#to I had some ideas for a artificer multiclass for Aelwyn #she has the armorer specialty #the rules say the arcane armor can replace any missing limbs and circumvents any strength requirement #so i feel like making it function as a mobility aid is not much of a stretch #also i think the inscribed ward thing is a neat explanation for why there is no strength requirement #while still giving the mechanical bonus of armor #can you tell i thought about this a lot #feel absolutely free to use sny part of this idea in any fic you may write #please reblog with the link so i can go insane over it #aelwyn abernant #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high sophomore year #disabled Aelwyn abernant #multiclass #dnd #also please share your thoughts on disabled Aelwyn

[toytulini]

Okay i have yet to see a post about this that isnt filled with ppl being Annoying as Fuck on it, but,

theyve found wreckage of the submersible, it imploded (thank god, thats better than a drawn out suffocation over the course of several days, implosion means it was pretty much instantaneous) and the us navy have revealed they heard a weird sound on sunday from about where communication with the sub was lost, that was probably the sound of the implosion, [implied that they didnt say anything cos they didnt want to jump to conclusions without evidence of a wreckage, if there was a chance they were still alive.] no idea what the banging sounds were.

I do hope rescue efforts are extended to the migrants off the coast of greece, and am angry and horrified at their mistreatment, and that the media clearly cares less for their fates than that of the billionaires on the sub.

also, while i have you here,

The difference between a submersible and a submarine is not that one is safer. The titan was a submersible that was unsafe, but that is not because it was a submersible.

A submarine (or sub) is a watercraft capable of independent operation underwater.

A submersible is a watercraft designed to operate underwater, usually supported by a nearby surface vessel, platform, shore team or sometimes a larger submarine.

submarines generally dont go as deep as our deepest submersibles, but some can be down there for months at a time bc it is like. a self sufficient Ship. not all submersibles can go crazy deep, but to my knowledge, the only crewed vessels that can go that deep, are submersibles. (Alvin, deepsea challenger, limiting factor, trieste, fendouzhe or "striver").

#toy txt post #titan submersible #if ppl start being annoying on this post. ill turn off reblogs and block all of you. make your own post. #reblog the other ones where people are already being annoying #yes i hate billionaires. but im glad it was a quick death. it was a horrific situation. hope those migrants are given support and help. #i hope oceangate is fined to hell and back and bankrupted and never gets to put anyone in any sort of vehicle ever again #especially not in the ocean. im a little glad that ceo is dead in his own stupid sub im just frustrated he was able to take other ppl with #him. the fact that he was able to operate that unregulated non safety standard meeting ass vehicle and charge people money to ride in it is #fucking insane and unconcioable however you spell that #and now i need to go shower real quick and try to get like. a little over 3hrs of sleep. which will suck but i did accidentally nap for #like? 2 hrs already so it doesnt suck as bad as it could. goodnight please dont be stupid on this post please please please #if you have a hot take on the situation im begging you to hot take it Some Where Else! thank you! good bye #im not gonna bother linking shit feel free to fact check just fuckin. google titan submersible. James Cameron is tossing his 2 cents in now #saw 2 separate articles on that already. thats fine i guess he has been down there in safer vehicles so i guess he can shit talk how unsafe #it is. anyway. saw someone in the comments of a post say it was a submersible bc it was too unsafe to be a submarine and i wanted to start #screaming. thats not what those fucking words mean! at all! god! #irl death #idk what else to tag #behave. bye

[lyriumsings]

I keep seeing people talk about Palestine as if all hope is lost like they’re already gone and “the least we can do it remember them” and quite frankly I reject that. These people are fighting for their lives demanding the world to pay attention to them. Demanding their freedom and their right to exist on their own land. In light of the absolute atrocity that is happening in Rafah I am urging everyone to remember why we’re protesting and that these people ARE HERE. They’re alive, they’re real, they have a beautiful culture that needs to be witnessed and celebrated so here are some Palestinian creators you should follow because Palestine is not lost. It is not an empty land that’s gone. They will never be gone and we should all keep fighting until Palestine is free and not a second before because Palestine WILL be free again. I’m focusing mostly on Palestinian creators on tiktok because I think it’s important to see the physically and listen them and just acknowledge that they’re people, they should have linktrees to their other social media. I encourage you to visit their pages and interact with them because they are also being censored especially on tiktok. My platform isn’t big here so please feel free to reblog and also add more links, I would love to follow more Palestinian creators as well!

None of us are free until we all are. From the river to the sea. 🇵🇸🕊️🍉

@/mxriyum - a Palestinian woman who shares her amazing recipes passed down from her mother. She hasn’t posted in a while but there are many Palestinian recipes on her page that are absolute delicious. Please give them a try.

@/anat_international - a Palestinian woman giving updates on what is happening in Gaza but also shares about Gaza before the genocide. She is currently being heavily censored by tiktok for talking about the genocide and is doing more “influencer” like videos to beat the algorithm. So she’s sharing more stuff about the culture like Tatreez clothing, and organizing pottery painting sessions with people who are palestinian and allies. Extremely informative! She’s taught me so much.

@/sammyobeidthem - a Palestinian man who is a comedian. Genuinely so funny! And proudly Palestinian and talks about Palestine in his sets!

@/elyanna - a Palestinian singer. Her voice is insanely gorgeous. She has a song that has not been released on spotify called olive branch that is about the ongoing conflict in Gaza.

@/monamakeupdoll - a Palestinian make up artist, she’s absolutely gorgeous! She share tips and tricks and make up brands that support Palestine!

@/thatfalahigirl -A Palestinian Influencer she has a link in her link tree to purchase a Keffiyah if you haven’t yet there is even a discount! All proceeds go to Gaza via Pious Projects! She shows various ways to wrap it and shares her cultural clothes and I learned what dabke is because of her and it looks like so much fun!

@/amalzhamm - A Palestinian influencer she posts about her lifestyle and food and her family and it’s just so important right now to see happy Palestinian people. Palestinian mothers and fathers and children just existing. Like all of us do every day. And she shared this absolutely beautiful video of what palestine is like.

I’m going to end with this next one the very first person I saw on tik tok that educated me through his videos on Gaza and Palestine in October last year.

@/iamsbeih - a Palestinian influencer he posts about what is happening right now and what has been happening to the Palestinian people for over 70 years. He talks about his own family and his roots in Palestine the correct way to pronounce Gaza and Palestine. Just so much crucial information and i’m so grateful for him being willing to spend the time making these videos to educate people like me. He even posted a couple of palestinian songs (iirc they’re folk songs a lot of Palestinians in the comments know them) recently and they’re very beautiful.

Thank you. Free Palestine.

#long post #gaza #free palestine #palestine #lyriumsings txt #this is not to say to put your head in the sand about palestine #i don’t think ive seen a single palestinian who isn’t vocal about what’s happening is Gaza obvs that is not what they want #but they are more than something to mourn #stop talking like they’re a relic and like ‘we failed’ #boost their voices go to protests call your reps donate as much as you can #just fucking do something #instead of lamenting esp if you yourself are not palestinian #the defeatist talk was driving me fucking insane

[koorminii]

COLLEGESLUTS.COM — IDEA 686 | HHJ

Part one of the CSC series. You can find this series’ masterpost here. This can be read as a stand-alone, but you may have questions that will be answered in future installations. Keep in mind this is the intro.

There are three things you hate more than anything: 1. Your english Lit. professor, 2. Frat parties, and last but most definitely not least, 3. CollegeSluts.com and their founders. There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything: 1. College, 2. Back alley blowjobs, and 3. The frustrating desire to fuck you silly.

PAIRING: hyunjin x f!reader

GENRE: enemies to lovers; smut; crack; angst; college au

WC: 17k…. fear me! (also broke my record!!)

WARNINGS: reader is going through it and will continue to go through it. there’s no development for them at all in this installment i apologize (😭) reader calls skz sex-crazed demons, she’s very confused but not irrational, there’s not many warnings besides for the smut— profanity, alcohol consumption, mentions of alcoholism, annoying characters, insanely inexperienced reader, bet making, one-sided hatred, hyunjin wants to figure you out & thank god for that otherwise this series wouldn’t exist, sexual tension bottled up as hate bc yn is stupid. virgin/corruption kink, loss of virginity, overstimulation, dirty talking, unprotected sex…, creampie, fingering, pussy eating, teasing, breast play, and i think that’s it…

A/N: hi angels, i finished this in three days somehow and even though i didn’t plan on this being my post for 400, we hit it recently so this is it! and it’s fitting since a lot of people are waiting for this series <3 I hope you enjoy the first installment, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, my ask box, or in a reblog! & lmk if you want to be added to the taglist for this fic or my permanent one which is linked below! i hate writing the introduction to a fic and if you feel like this entire one-shot is pointless i promise it’s not 😭 there’s a lot of drama to come soon but i had to establish some things first!

i managed to make a playlist for this series! please enjoy 👩🏾‍💻

mlist; taglist; navi; | ⇦ previous | next ⇨

There are three things you hate more than anything.

Your english lit. professor

Frat parties

last, but most definitely not least, collegesluts. com and it’s founders.

It’s the literal bane of your existence, the reason why it’s so hard for you to sleep at night, and the one thing that makes your skin itch even more than the fuzzy sweaters your grandma knits every winter season.

Maybe if the creator of the site wasn’t such a douchebag, and maybe if the site users weren’t even worse, you wouldn’t abhor it as much as you did. But that’s a lot of maybes— ones that create a reality much different than your own and don’t make you feel much better.

You were first introduced to the hellsite in your second year of college— only made a year before. After you found out, age twenty hanging high over your head and no longer a fresh face in the school system, you’d tried and failed to get it shut down. Multiple times.

Happy, carefree people, would just ignore its existence— get on with their life, allow people to be college sluts in peace, but you couldn’t do that. Only you saw it for what it was, right? A sex site for college-goers to ruin their lives before it even started. Everyone else was too blissed out, a hand shoved in their pants every night as they watched their classmates fuck each other without fail. Only you could really see—

“Hello, can you hear!?”

Your eyebrows furrow at the voice behind you and your shoulders tighten when a finger pokes harshly at your skin.

“What?” You groan, rubbing the section of your arm that was unjustly abused. “Can you just be nice like a normal person?”

“Well, you’re an asshole so why would I be nice to you?”

“Fuck off Seungmin. What do you want?”

The only thing that betrays the fact that he heard you at all is the laugh that echoes behind you. Your chest tightens in response, and you fold your arms over your chest.

Kim Seungmin. A close fourth on your list of things you hate more than anything else. He was one of the users on the-site-that-must-not-be-named. A platinum member actually, a fact that always made your skin burn even in the coldest of weather. He was even friends with the site creators, and you wouldn’t doubt he had a hand in making it completely. He’d never been shy in supporting his use of the site, because nowadays regular cam sites were somehow uncool. He even had shirts with the college sluts logo in big, bold, letters. He was a part of one of the things you couldn’t stand. A big part of it even, but you ignored all that so you could call him your best— and one of your only— friends.

Kim Seungmin is first on the things you love, and that automatically removes him from the list of things you hate. When an arm slings itself across your shoulders you barely react, simply steering you both in the direction of your first class. It’s too early to deal with your best friend, and especially his toothy remarks and sarcasm, but you don’t say so and simply allow him to talk your ear off while you concern yourself with more important things.

Things like Hwang Hyunjin and Christopher Bang. The admins of College Sluts and the cause of the twitch in your brow. Sometimes the amount of hatred you felt for the two amazed you. To others, they were college boys— hotter than most, smart, talented, promiscuous. They had a good personality, a future, and were people a lot of other people got along with (and their other friends but you won’t get into that lest you pop a vessel).

To you, it’s agree to disagree. In short, they’ve got everyone totally fooled. Only sex-crazed low lifes actually managed to create a porn site. It’s one thing to think of it, sprawled around their dorm rooms knocked off their ass and barely sober, but it’s another thing to actually do it— work hard on it, execute such ideas— it’s completely baffling to you. How can no one see how perverted that is? You don’t even know what to call it, but the fire that erupts in your gut is enough to tell you that it’s bad.

There’s a bunch of girls and guys crowding around them, laughing and hugging and touching. Touching as if they were in the privacy of their home and not outside where others could see. It makes your chest heat up, and makes weird maggots swallow up your stomach, leaving a tingly feeling in its wake. You hate it. They’re demons. Sex-crazed demons.

“God, I’m starting to think you’re like anti-sex or something.”

You grunt.

“Literally we’re just walking by and you look like you’re contemplating murder.”

You hum.

“Jesus,” Seungmin sighs, shaking his head before waving over at his friends. More like his sinner acquaintances. Don’t get it wrong, you’re not overly religious or particularly shameful— despite how you might seem— but it’s something about that entire group (Seungmin sometimes included) that makes you feel like breaking something. Choking something? Crying? Screaming? You’re not sure anymore.

When you catch Hyunjin’s eye he smirks and you frown. Just the sight of him is enough to make your head hurt and your knees weak. At least, that makes sense to you. The rest of the student body? Not so much.

You hoist your bag up on your shoulder and tear your gaze away from him. Your building isn’t much farther and if you squint really hard you can pretend you don’t see Hyunjin approaching from the corner of your eye. It’s a hot day and when he sidles up to you, shoulders almost touching, it gets much hotter.

“Hey,” he greets, slapping palms with Seungmin and holding one down low for you. Your hand hesitates, almost greeting him in return before you slap his arm and send a glare his way.

“Bye,” you grit, turning your head away from him and grabbing at Seungmin’s arm. “I have somewhere to be.”

“Loosen up!” He calls, his long legs easily catching up to your fast pace. “I just wanted to say hi to my favorite girl.”

Your breath stutters the tiniest bit but you ignore it, not bothering to grant that remark an answer. Hyunjin is flirty. Too flirty. Stupid flirty. The kind of flirty that gets girls like you all riled up even when you’re supposed to be hating him, even when you’re supposed to curse the very ground he walks on, and it just makes the dreadful maggots in your system start up their annoying fluttering.

Seungmin doesn’t say anything, even when your grip on his arm tightens at a painful rate. You will your heart to stop beating so damn hard and for your entire body to stop reacting so easily to him. You don’t even know him so why does he hold so much influence over you? Someone like him? Someone who spends their time and their intelligence on a haphazard college porn site? No. No way.

“What do you want, Hyunjin?”

The devil with the long brown hair, and soft cheeks, and cute dimples takes the chance to lean close to your ear, making sure you hear whatever it is he has to say.

“Don’t be too mad at me, bug. I just wanted to tell you that you look gorgeous today.” Hyunjin pats your cheek, smiling before he leans away, turning back the way he came.

“See you later.”

And that’s that. The sex demon comes to set your cheeks ablaze and leaves once he’s done, letting you deal with your muddled feelings on your own. Once you start walking again, ignoring the stare boring into your cheeks and the confusing pounding of your heart, there’s only three words on your mind.

Fuck Hwang Hyunjin.

There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything:

1. College

2. Back alley blowjobs

3. The frustratingly clear desire he has to fuck you silly.

Hyunjin isn’t sure when he realized it exactly. He doesn’t even know why he reacts to you so strongly. If you were anyone else he probably wouldn’t give you a second glance. He’s sure of it. Maybe it’s the desire to want something you can’t have, or the fact that you aren’t groveling at his feet.

It’s not like Hyunjin has any idea of why exactly you’re so hellbent on hating his guts, nor does he really care all that much. So you don’t like College Sluts, that’s your right as is anyone else’s, but it’s not like he’s shoving the damn shit in your face. He minds his business, manages his porn site, and does it all with a smile on his face. You, though? It’s a miracle he’s seen you smile once. And that was when he wasn’t paying attention and knocked into someone carrying a full tray of food.

Chan laughs at him all the time and so does Minho, wondering if he has some weird kink for wanting people who clearly don’t want him back, but more and more he’s thinking that isn’t the case. He’s always been bold, always been a bit flirty even when he wasn’t trying, and he knows he’s easy on the eyes. It’s not a secret, but your reaction to him isn’t one of disdain or clear attraction, but rather confusion, and that confuses him.

He flips the mic in his hands, switching between cradling it and flinging it every which way. The speakers of the karaoke system effectively drag him from his thoughts as the music gets louder and Jisung spins Felix around on their makeshift stage. Whoops and hollers echo from around them, the rest of their friends cheering at the performance in front of them. Hyunjin can’t bring himself to laugh even as a smile threatens to take hold of his features.

“Yo, what’s up with you?” Jisung plops down beside him, slinging an arm around Hyunjin's shoulders as puffs of breath leave his lips. “You’ve been sitting here brooding. What’s going on?”

“I don’t brood,” Hyunjin argues, though he maneuvers his body so he can tell Jisung exactly what has him brooding. “It’s just— I’m still thinking about Y/n.”

“Bro.”

“It doesn’t seem weird to you?”

“Weird that she’s just not interested? This is a new low, Hyunjin. Not everyone is gonna be attracted to you—”

“I know, but that’s not what I’m saying. Doesn’t her whole attitude towards us seem a bit excessive? All over a website.”

“It’s not your typical website.”

“Sung, it’s probably one of the safest porn sites out there because of how exclusive it is. No one but students here can get on it.”

“Does she know that?”

“That’s my point,” Hyunjin sighs, running a hand through his hair before starting again. “If she doesn’t even know the full details of the site, how can she possibly hate it? Hate us?”

Jisung pauses, looking back towards the stage. It’s true that all eight of them have thought about this at least once. They know there’s people who hate the website, who steer clear of it in all instances, but none who have made petitions and gone to the superintendent requesting an audience about it. No one who’s actively been so hateful to them specifically, refusing to look in their direction unless it’s to send a glare their way.

“Maybe there's another reason?” Jisung offers, sending Hyunjin a sideways glance. “I mean, maybe she just hates porn.”

Hyunjin snorts at that. How can anyone hate porn?

“You’re laughing but I’m dead serious. Has she ever even had a partner?”

“How the fuck would I know?”

“You think about her 24/7. I wouldn't be surprised if you knew what she ate for breakfast.”

“Not fucking funny.”

Jisung barks out a laugh, falling over into Hyunjin’s space. “Don’t worry, you’ll get over it soon.”

Hyunjin isn’t so sure but he nods anyway, allowing Jisung to go back to the stage for the next song. Hyunjin knocks back his drink, throat constricting barely at the bitter taste. He doesn’t care. He really doesn’t, but there’s something weird about your behavior and he’s more than determined to figure it out. Maybe he needs to just mind his business but fuck that, he thinks, no one is gonna hate him for no reason. Maybe he’s a little too riled up at that, maybe Jisung is right and this is a new low. Maybe he just really can’t deal with rejection well. Maybe.

Minho’s screeching into the mic does it’s hardest to ruin Hyunjin’s night, but the way the rest of his friends tackle him and attempt to steal the mic just makes him laugh, leaving a warm feeling in his chest. This is all he needs— his friends and a good drink to put a smile on his face. And the college porn site he worked very hard on, of course.

The group only gets through a few more songs before they decide to leave, deciding to ignore the fact that some of them have classes in six hours or that they’ll be nursing a bad headache for the entirety of it. Hyunjin is one of them. He laughs along with his friends as they walk, and he watches them from where he stands in the back.

Jisung has his phone out and is making a concerned face, typing furiously on the device. Either they’re having technical issues or his girlfriend is getting on his ass once again. Minho has an arm slung around his shoulders, laughing at whatever it is he’s typing and whoever it is that’s typing back. Next to them Felix and Jeongin have joined hands and Felix swings them back and forth, giggling as he does. Jeongin pretends he doesn’t like it, like usual, but Hyunjin notices the hint of a smile on his face. He always notices.

Chan and Changbin are quiet on either side of him, walking in the tranquil quiet that’s always rare for their group. It feels incomplete— Hyunjin wishes Seungmin could’ve come. He doesn’t know how the boy manages to be friends with the creators of the CSC and also be friends with its #1 hater. Maybe he’s selling secrets, telling you everything about the site, all its loopholes and glitches. Maybe he’s working against them now, coming up with a plan to shut them down once and for all, though Hyunjin doesn’t know if that’s possible.

Right after those thoughts trickle into his mind, he thinks about Seungmin wearing the handmade “merch” for the site, and doesn’t entertain them any longer. It would be ridiculous— even for him— to think that someone who repped college sluts like it was their brand would ever work even harder to tear it away.

The knot in his throat that’s been squeezing at his airways since earlier that night relaxes just a little. He’s never actually said this to anyone, but just as much as he thinks about why you hate him, he thinks about whether Seungmin will hate him too; about if he’ll lose a friend due to reasons he’s not even sure of. As much as he thinks about why you hate him so badly, he thinks about why he doesn’t hate you right back. He wonders why he— instead of wanting nothing to do with you— wants to know everything about you. Why he wants to understand you when you’ve made no effort to understand him, or worse, made up your own mind about who he is without even attempting to entertain the idea that maybe you’re wrong.

Hyunjin has lived his whole life suffering from other people's ideas of him, from their expectations that they held with no prior consultation with him, from the perfect picture of him in their minds that didn’t correlate with the real Hyunjin. He’s had his fair share of wondering, thinking, wanting. And it’s disappointing to see how even after all this time, since childhood, nothing has changed. He’s always wanted what he’s not allowed to have, but it’s not for lack of trying.

They don’t arrive at their frat house quick enough. As soon as the door opens into the building Hyunjin feels like falling asleep on the couch. It wouldn’t be the first time, but he’s also not sure what last happened on that couch. Between spilled drinks and sex that was too rushed to even make it to a bedroom he’d rather take his chances on an actual bed. Chan doesn’t bother to turn the lights on when he comes in, and the seven of them shuffle around each other, spilling into the living room or into the kitchen to grab drinks and snacks as if they didn’t just come back from eating.

Hyunjin knows he’s been distant all night but he can’t be bothered to care as he sends a quick good night his friends’ way and makes his way upstairs. The house holds eight other boys besides them and he’s surprised none of them are downstairs or hanging around even at the late hour. Though, Hyunjin reasons, most of them have girlfriends and the few others that don’t are seniors and probably pull all-nighters in the library or some shit.

Hyunjin doesn’t want to think about that. The year only started back up again a few months ago, he doesn’t need to be thinking about work anymore than he already does. He makes a good living even without a real job, so he’s taking shit day by day. It’s not like anyone else is much different. Most of his seniors are cramming because they were so carefree. Hyunjin doesn’t think about the implications of that either.

The softness of his bed is long overdue and his body sinks into the plush bedding. He strips off his shirt and pants, not bothering to make his way to a shower or put pajamas on or do anything really. He has five hours before he needs to wake back up and this is nothing if not a power nap that won’t help him get through any lectures the next day. Or, later that day rather.

Hyunjin doesn’t concern himself with that though, because there’s only one thing that’s on his mind when he falls asleep and when he wakes up, and that’s what he’s going to say to you tomorrow morning in the first class of the day.

The first thing you manage to think of when you wake up is how best you’re going to ignore Hyunjin today. You’ve been brainstorming, wondering which response will humble him the best, maybe make him speechless for long enough that you can get away. If only those getaways could last forever, you sigh, pulling a fitted tee over your head. It’s low-cut, makes your cleavage pop just a little bit more, and you add a necklace for that exact reason.

You’re not the sex-crazed demon that the CSC most definitely are, but you do like a little attention every now and again even if you don’t get that much action. Or any, really, and you’re just fine with that. It’s one of the reasons why you don’t like the CSC. There’s no reason to sexify everything, and that’s exactly what they do. People can get by just fine without it.

Just fine? Seungmin would probably jab, but he’s not here right now and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You are just fine, but the mention of the-site-that-must-not-be-named just fills your stomach with stones and ignites your nerves like nothing else does. To you, that’s more than enough proof that it’s the CSC’s fault— not yours.

Anyway, today is the day you have to see Hyunjin bright and early, which always manages to set your day off to a bad start. No one should have to deal with him at this time of day, or any time of day, and you pity the ones that do. Seeing Chan isn’t rare, but he doesn’t talk to you like Hyunjin does. He stares every now and again, gives you a lazy smirk, and is generally sexy as much as it pains you to admit it, but he doesn’t bother you. Though you know he probably talks about you. His stares are too knowing, way too insightful even when you don’t really know each other.

The rest of the boys you’ve talked to on a few occasions. They aren’t as insufferable, but they are associated with Hyunjin and Chan and are, in fact, involved in the upkeep of the-site-that-must-not-be-named. To you, that’s more than enough reason to at the least dislike them. You don’t hold soft spots for any of them, except maybe Felix who seems way too sweet to be a sex demon, but then again, it’s always the nice ones.

Besides, it doesn’t matter what they say to you or don’t say, or if they look at you or not, or if they even know you exist. It really doesn’t matter. You shake the thoughts from your head vigorously, ashamed at the fact that you spent the first hour of your morning on them. It’s unbecoming of you. It’s good to remind yourself not to actively concern yourself with any of them, and simply fight for the site’s demolition like you’ve been doing.

Seungmin says you have no life, but Seungmin also wears T-shirts with cartoonish, glittery pink boobs and the site’s name in glittery cursive letters. You don’t think Seungmin should have an opinion.

The last time you attempted to do anything about the site was roughly two months ago, a month after school started back. You took your time to settle in, fall into a routine, and get your work and classes in order before resuming your mission. It was arduous, brainstorming and juggling school work, but it was your responsibility since no one else would work hard enough.

A quick shuffle through any of your things would tell people you were a perfectionist— articulate in your placement of items and the way you did things. Even taking the time to plan certain outings to a T, determined to make sure everything goes well. It’s not a secret how obsessive you get over things and how uncomfortable or incomplete you feel when things don’t go your way, when you have to follow someone else’s idea of how things should work. It’s the reason why most people don’t get along with you because to them you’re too controlling, too compulsive and dominating.

When you were a child that fact had bothered you. It was confusing— that was just your nature, and you wouldn’t have survived your childhood without it based on the way your parents lived. When kids would shun you, treat you like something sticky at the bottom of their shoe, it hurt your young heart. You felt apologetic simply for acting the way you always felt like you should act, for doing the things that left you satisfied after. Now, in college, no one demands classmates to get along, no one can shun you in the cafeteria and force you to eat in the library. If they don’t like you it’s fine with you, frankly it doesn’t matter. You have one goal and one goal only, and once that’s over with you can move on.

When you step out of your dorm the sun is blinding, shining down with unforgiving rays of light. All you can do is squint, tilt your head down a little and wish you had a hat. The walk to the Art’s building is long, but feels longer with how warm it is. The heat shimmies its way under your clothes and into your skin, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.

The scenery on the walk there is always breathtaking though, the pavement that makes up the pathway to the building is closed in by blades of grass that have been cut and trimmed to perfection. Rocks make up the border between them— large smooth stones that vary in size but are more or less the same oval shape. There’s an entire garden full of all types of flowers, Gardenias, Lilies, Irises, Tulips, and even some you can’t name. At the entrance of the building there are bright lights that illuminate at least 25 feet in front of it at night, and wide hedges that have been designed to look like swans, their necks curved in a way that if they were moved next to each other they’d be forming a heart. White flowers grow inside the hedges serving to make the entire scene look more beautiful, and as much as you hate walking there, the view is unmatched.

The Art building has always been your safe haven, Art in general being your home away from home. It took a long time for you to feel comfortable studying it— always caught up in the what if. What if you can’t make a living from it? What if you end up not liking it as you grow older? What if it’s not a sustainable career? Questions that still plague you often, and stop you from putting as much of your heart in it as you’d wish. These classes are somewhat self-indulgent. A way for you to escape from the hectic mess that is your life, away from the stress of work, from the anxiety of what comes next, and from the infuriating instances that continue without your control— away from the things you can’t control so you can run to things you can. So imagine your horror when you found out Hwang Hyunjin was in the same class as you. At the same time. Doing the same thing.

It felt like your escape wasn’t yours anymore, and that the stress from your day followed you everywhere you went. It wasn’t enough for Hyunjin to pester you often— he had to be everywhere you were too.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves, setting your shoulders and regain the poise you take pride in– carrying yourself with the confidence you wish you had. It doesn’t take long for you to make your way to the entrance of the building, as you walk, having been kissed by the scorching light of the sun and brushed against by dewy blades of grass. It feels surreal and staggering to be outside alone so early in the morning, yet peaceful, for you know that it will be long before you get this chance again.

“Bug!”

Oh no. no no no. You walk faster, hoping to make it inside before Hyunjin can catch up to you. Hyunjin is never this early. He either comes right on time or late to the frustration of your teachers and peers although no one would ever say it to his face. You can hear his feet against the pavement louder and louder as he comes closer to you, catching up just when you take the first step up the stairs to the entrance.

“You didn’t hear me, bug?”

“Stop calling me bug.”

“Sorry, bug,” Hyunjin laughs, putting a heavy arm over your shoulders and bringing you closer.

You roll your eyes so hard it feels like they’re gonna stick. Maybe they should so you don’t ever have to see Hyunjin again. Maybe he’d think you look scary like that, your eyes rolled up forever. Maybe then he’d leave you alone.

Hyunjin is annoying. He always acts like you’re his friend, but you know it’s fake because why would he want to be friends with you, someone who hates everything he works hard on and hates him as well to an extent. It seems overly fake and forced to you, so you don’t ever entertain it. The last thing you need is to fall for it and then be made out to look like an idiot when he eventually embarrasses you.

“It’s too early.”

“It’s never too early, pretty.”

“It’s always too early to be dealing with you,” You groan, wrenching his arm away from where it laid over your shoulders. “Why are you talking to me?”

“Why not?” Hyunjin asks, seemingly unaffected by your attitude towards him. He shoves his hands in his pockets, his shoulders raised up to his chin in a shrug. “I like talking to you.”

You snort, looking up at him with eyebrows raised, “You like talking to me, the one person— possibly in this world— who absolutely hates you, and barely spares you the time of day?” You ask, tilting your head in mock confusion. “I’m sure this is the longest we’ve ever had a conversation, but nice try.” You squeeze his cheeks, hard, and when he swats your hand away you can’t help the giggle that you let out. If his cheeks felt like dough under your fingers you’re choosing to ignore that, wiping a hand on your jeans with way more intensity than needed.

“But see,” Hyunjin starts again, “We’re having a conversation right now and neither of us wanna choke each other.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m barely resisting the urge to punt your head like a baseball.”

It’s silent for a moment before you both burst out into a fit of giggles. Hyunjin braces himself against his knees as he laughs, his hair falling over his face as he does, and you’re not much better— staggering where you stand to laugh with him. It only takes a few seconds for you both to calm down, and slowly the reality of what happened catches up to you.

“Do you even punt baseballs?” Hyunjin snorts, and you just laugh harder.

“I don’t know, Hyunjin, if you haven’t noticed I’m at the arts building not sports.” You wheeze, fighting through another laugh. “Now I’m just imagining your head flying over the gardens.”

Hyunjin lets out another chuckle but shivers a bit at the thought. He waits for you to calm down, your giggles turning into small huffs. A hint of a smile still remains on your cheeks, and the sun shines down so strongly on your features it feels like he’s seeing an angel— like divinity right in front of his eyes. When you straighten up, he can see every movement. The way you position your bag upright, the way a bit of your gums poke out from your lips. Your lips, soft, glossy, and look the most perfect in a smile. He can see the way your eyebrows lose the tension from your laughing fit, the way the crinkle of your eyes lessen as your face relaxes. He can see everything, so he can also see when your lips fall back into a firm line, when your eyebrows go back to that angry stance they always hold when you’re around him. The way your shoulders stiffen, and the grip on your bag tightens. He can see everything, and he reminds himself the only time you laugh is when he’s the butt of the joke.

“I’m going to class,” You murmur, walking the rest of the way up the stairs and into the building without looking back or waiting for him to respond. Though Hyunjin wonders what he would’ve even said.

I’ll come with you.

We can sit together.

No, you both can’t do anything together, and more and more Hyunjin wonders why he even wants to.

“You were laughing with Hwang Hyunjin? The sex demon??” Your friend hisses from next to you, stringing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You?”

“Yes, me, Jieun.” You huff. “I can barely believe it either. What did he do to me? I hate him, I can’t show weakness by laughing around him.”

“Honey,” Jieun laughs, leaning towards you, “You can laugh. Honestly the fact that you ran away after is hilarious.”

“I didn’t run away.”

“You ran away.”

“I didn’t run.”

Jieun settles on you with a heavy stare, face slack, and you roll your eyes. “Fine, I walked away.”

“I don’t know how either of you take each other seriously.”

“I don’t take him seriously.”

“Yeah you do, babe. You refuse to laugh around him. That’s very serious.”

You snort.

“And the fact that he gives you the time of day when this is the dumbest feud possible… I just don’t understand it.”

“It’s not dumb.” You sputter, smoothing your hand over the glossy wooden desk of the classroom. “It’s…” You trail off, staring into the large windows at the side of the room. You cock your head and lean forward, jaw slack when the sex demon himself waves outside. “Oh what a stalker.” You growl, throwing up the middle finger in his direction. “He’s got his little posse following him too.”

When Jieun makes to wave back you smack the back of her head and groan when she gives you an affronted look.

“What was that for?” Jieun exclaims, bringing a hand up to rub against the back of her head.

“Don’t fraternize with the enemy,” You hiss, folding your arms over your chest and staring back at your professor.

“Are you gonna explain the feud—”

“No.”

In your opinion, class doesn’t end quickly enough. You split with Jieun at the entrance, the both of you going in opposite directions, and attempt to reorder your frazzled mind. So you laughed. A lot of people laugh at people they hate. Plus, he laughed too— so why should you be overthinking it? You’ve laughed before, in situations you weren’t supposed to, and this is no different. Now you just need to make sure it never happens again. You nod to yourself as you walk, pulling out your phone to make sure Seungmin is already at the meeting spot.

The sun is still just as ruthless as it was earlier, but a light breeze grazes your skin and rustles the trees along the sidewalk and in the field in front of you. There’s a bunch of picnic tables, some occupied and some of them not. There’s groups of friends sitting under trees, some couples, some of them alone; reading or completing assignments in the nice weather. You spot Seungmin a few tables down, a brown sweater over a collared shirt and cute glasses perched upon his nose.

You take your time walking to the table, letting your skin soak in the warmth and tranquil peace of nature. When Seungmin spots you he shuffles over, giving you some space to sit next to him and you do, mumbling a small hey before knocking your head against the table.

“You’re going to a party with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Seungmin… Hi, how are you? How was your day? No, I’m not.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“Well, unless you’re going to drag me, no I’m not.”

“I just might,” Seungmin sighs, “Why are you so difficult?”

“Difficult? You’re the one being difficult. I don’t want to go and you’re telling me it’s not a choice.”

“Because it’s not.”

You let out a groan, a long torturous one that has people turning their head to a straight faced Seungmin and you who’s head is still knocked against the table. When people think it’s stopped it starts all over again, a guttural groan filled with displeasure and frustration that loosens your chest when it’s done.

“Are you done?”

“Leave me alone.”

“It’s on Saturday. I can pick you up.” Seungmin says instead of arguing.

“Today’s Thursday.” You whine, just stopping yourself from letting out another groan— one that wouldn’t ever stop for as long as you have to deal with Kim Seungmin and his annoying, snarky, bossy self.

“…. I’m aware.” Seungmin says, and you don’t even have to look at him to know he’s making a face like and so what?

“I can’t stand you, I hope you know that. No type of warning, no preparation… I don’t party. I need at least two weeks to mentally prepare myself and another two weeks to get an outfit.”

“Damn.” Seungmin says, but he rubs a hand against your back, lightly pushing you to lift your head from the table. “Listen, I’ll help you. And it’s being thrown by people I know so you don’t have to worry. I don’t think many people throw college parties a month in advance but I’ll keep that in mind.”

All you can do is nod, waiting patiently as Seungmin finishes whatever assignment he’s working on. You’ve already completed the ones you have, the pro of not having much else to do and being on top of things always. Everyday you both meet up here, either at a table or under one of the trees and talk. Read, finish assignments, or even eat snacks. There have been some times where you meet there and then go somewhere else together, rarely off campus but it happens, and you get something to eat or go on a mini adventure. It’s the highlight of your day and you’re sure it is for Seungmin too, but you’d never admit that to each other. You don’t have to, though, because you’re both always on the same wavelength especially when it counts the most.

Though now he’s given you something else to worry about, that being this sudden party. It’s no doubt being held by a frat house, and you have an inkling which house it is. You haven’t asked, trying not to pop the bubble of secureness that surrounds you. You can go to a party being held by the CSC. You can, and you will, and if it isn’t being held by them then that’s even better. You try to convince yourself you really don’t care at all, but the thought remains. Can you really enjoy yourself at a party being held by them? You don’t know why it bothers you so much or why you feel so uncomfortable having a good time around them, but you just keep repeating the same thing to yourself over and over. It doesn’t matter.

“Jieun told me what happened this morning.”

“Of course she did.” You sigh, staring ahead at the group of squirrels running up a tree. The people under it startle when leaves start to fall over their heads. “We just left each other, how did she find the time to text you all that?”

“She called me,” Seungmin cackles, braces on full display as he scribbles furiously into his notebook. “Every story I hear about you and Hyunjin is against my will.”

“Every interaction between me and Hyunjin is against my will,” You counter, shifting so that you face him. “What did she say?”

“That you laughed with him and it embarrassed you. That you’re confused about your feelings towards him.”

“So are you two my therapists now? I’m not confused. I don’t like the things he does— I don’t like his carefree attitude, how he has no problem talking to me like we’re friends. I don’t like- No, I hate the fact that so many people fucking praise him because he created some crude porn site.”

Your heart rate picks up, your hand gripping at your jeans as a poor attempt to conceal your growing frustration. “I don’t like the fact that no one else sees what’s wrong with it. We shouldn’t have a fucking porn site for college students? I don’t think we should know what we all look like under our clothes and I’m tired of everyone acting like I'm the crazy one. He’s the perverted one, the weird one. Who the fuck thinks of something like that? It’s not just him, it’s all of them.”

Seungmin ponders your words, the grip on his pen tightening ever so slightly. “Hyunjin is a good guy. All of them are, and if that’s how you feel then why do you talk to me? I use the site, I'm their friend, I’ve helped them out when making it. Aren’t I weird and perverted too?”

You sigh, “Seungmin…”

“Help me understand. Because if you can stand to be around me, then why can’t you be around them? Or try.”

“It isn’t the same and you know it. It’s easy to ignore it when it’s you. That’s them. They are the CSC to me. A reminder of everything I hate, what I want to get rid of.”

“But why the hell does it matter? People want to use the site and that’s why they do. No one is fucking forcing it.”

“You guys just don’t understand it. None of you do. It’s like you’re blinded by it or something.”

“We’re grown adults, Y/N,” Seungmin growls, “We don’t need you to be a guardian fucking angel.”

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy, just because all you fucking care about is sex or some college sluts, like can you actually be that shallow?”

“Why is it so hard for you to see reason? Do you see how angry you’re getting at me for asking a simple question? You asked me what Jieun said and I told you.” Seungmin spits, shutting his book with a slam.

“Stop asking me about that site. Stop making me seem like some confused hateful person just because you’re too dense to understand where I’m coming from. I’m not confused, I know exactly how I feel. I try not to bring it up because you like the damn thing so much, and you can’t seem to hold the same courtesy for me.” You stand from the seat, settling a dark glare at Seungmin’s angered form.

“Fuck your friends, fuck that site. Stop talking about me like I need guidance.”

You’re not irrational. You’re not. You have every right to be angry. Seungmin is your friend. Jieun is your friend. They’re supposed to be there for you, not gang up on you. You feel alone, so alone in everything you fight for, in everything you aim to conquer— as if the things you stand for don’t matter. It reminds you of middle school all over again, of high school— having people look at you like you were something from another planet. Someone people had always failed to understand. It’s lonely. You’re not irrational.

You didn’t blow up. You’re not angry. You’re frustrated, yes, but you don’t blow up. You don’t get mad. You aren’t irrational. Anyone else in your position would feel the same, right? Anyone else would be upset because it feels like your friends always take the side of the people you despise more than anyone else. Why aren’t they on your side? Why don’t they believe you? Why don’t they understand? It makes you feel stupid. It makes you feel like you have no right to feel the way you do. It’s lonely.

You’ve never been irrational. You’ve always had a good grip on your feelings. Always. And when it feels like the grip loosens it’s always the cause of something relating to the CSC. It’s proof that it’s what the root of your problems is. It’s proof that the CSC needs to be gone so you can finally go back to normal. So you don’t feel like the odd one out. So you don’t have to feel so upset. Because you’re not irrational. You have every right to feel this way. You don’t get mad. You’re not angry. You don’t blow up.

You control everything, you control your actions, your emotions, and you make sure to hold control over your environment— of how things play out for every second of your life. This feels like it’s running out of control. That the CSC brings havoc in your life no matter what— even when you try to ignore it, it comes running back to fuck you over even further. You’re not irrational. You’re not confused. You don’t get mad. You don’t. You don’t blow up. You control everything.

The sun hides right when you need it. You pretend tears don’t blur your vision, you pretend that the suddenly gloomy environment doesn’t affect you the way it does. You pretend that the once comforting breeze doesn’t feel sharp against your exposed skin. You pretend because when things run out of control that’s all you can do. Pretend you’ve got it handled, pretend that you still have a grip on things, pretend that you understand. You’re not irrational. You have every right to feel this way.

You never argue with Seungmin. Playful bickering from time to time or you two being rude to each other but always playfully. You’ve never cursed at him so maliciously, spoken to him like he was someone random, as if he wasn’t your best friend. You’ve never done those things— but you do when the CSC is involved. You never get pissed at Jieun, even when she’s annoying, even when she acts like the only thing important in life is the new boy she’s talking to— You don’t get mad. You’re not mad now, but you’re something. Something fiery, and everything always goes back to the CSC. You’re not irrational. You’re just the only one who understands.

Right when you see the blurry form of your dorm building it gets blocked by a large body and you slam right into its chest. You can barely see in front of you and you know your face is screwed up into the worst form imaginable, tears falling with no control. Without your control.

“Sorry, excuse me,” You laugh wetly, sidestepping whoever is blocking your way and running up the steps to your dorm. The sooner you fall into your bed and cry this out, the sooner you can forget about it. The sooner you can apologize and move past this weird limbo of feelings. It feels like purgatory, stuck in the in between, not sure which direction you’ll end up going in. It’s full of unsureness, of frustration. It feels like a loss of control. It angers you, makes you feel like nothing is going right.

But you don’t get angry. You’re not irrational. You don’t get mad. You pretend, because that’s all you can do.

Hyunjin is confused.

The last thing he expected to see this morning was you laughing, but now, he realizes the last thing he ever expected to see was you crying. Eyes glossy with tears, a nose rubbed raw, face screwed up into something pitiful.

Hyunjin doesn’t know a lot of things. He doesn’t expect a lot of things, but most of all he doesn’t know how to continue after seeing it. He doesn’t expect to care so much, not after the way you’ve regarded him. After the way you’ve both regarded each other. He doesn’t know why he can’t walk away and say nothing when he knows he should. If he brings it up you’ll get defensive, be embarrassed, be angry. He shouldn’t say anything.

He keeps walking, frowning slightly at the gloomy clouds. It was so sunny less than an hour ago. Things change so quickly, it doesn’t make any sense. He thinks back to earlier that morning, the light that shone on your face with every laugh you let out. He thinks back to just a few seconds ago. How dark shadows fell over your face as tears ran down your cheeks.

The walk is more automatic than anything else. He doesn’t take the time to stare at the scenery, he doesn’t look at the people around him. He barely sees the ground in front of him as he walks, his mind not registering what’s right in front of his face. He’s too caught up in you. Like usual, wondering why you do the things you do, why you feel the way you feel, wanting to understand. What did he do? What can he do to make you feel better? How can he make you hate him any less? He wants to understand, he wants to listen, to talk to you, to be near you. It confuses him.

His phone vibrates, pulling him from his thoughts. It’s chan, texting about the party on Saturday, and he sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He’s so tired, tired of running around for parties, tired of attending to the site, tired of waking up early for classes. He just wants a second to sit down and relax, to not worry about you ruining the one thing he’s worked hard for, to not worry about what class he’s flunking, about what party he’s expected to attend, to not worry about why you were crying in the middle of the afternoon. He just wants a moment to collect his thoughts and free his mind.

HJ: I got it

BC: alr cool, put it in the cabinet with the lock, you know how Hyunjoon gets

HJ: Fuck, is it that bad?

BC: he’s an alcoholic bud, it’s that bad.

Hyunjin laughs a little, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He wonders if Seungmin told you about the party yet and grimaces, wondering if that’s the reason why you were crying. If it is, he’s not sure who needs to get a grip. You, for hating him so bad, or him for continuing to try and get you not to. It takes a lot of effort for him to continue the power walk back to the frat, but he arrives sooner than later, stuffing the bag of drinks inside the cabinet and locking it shut. He thinks it’s a bit ridiculous that they have to lock the alcohol up as if they have small kids running around, and also wonders the effectiveness when Hyunjoon lives in a frat house and is an adult who can buy his own alcohol.

It’s Thursday afternoon but he finds that he’s not as excited for a party as he should be. Usually, he’d be bouncing on his heels, counting down the hours for it to start, and realizing he’s so caught up in everything else going around he doesn’t feel that normal excitement that he so often does. He makes sure to fix that, shaking the unnecessary thoughts from his head, pushing responsibilities to later. He has a party to prepare for and he's gonna act like it.

The rest of the boys don’t get back till later— they’d given Hyunjin the responsibility of buying cups and drinks and shitty snacks while they went off somewhere else. Hyunjin can’t keep track of what they do especially if he’s not joining, so he focuses on doing what he’s supposed to in order to make this the best party of the year so far. His frat has always held the record of best parties— has always held their winnings in high regard as well, and he’ll be damned if he gets the cold shoulder if he’s the reason the party isn’t as good as it should be. Most of all, he’s thinking about what he’s gonna do during it.

Hyunjin is not shy on having sex— never has been, never will be, and more often than not he’s having it. Sure, that may be expected since he made a literal porn site, but Jisung also had a hand in it and he has a girlfriend. Felix doesn’t have one-night stands often, nor does Seungmin. It’s different for all of them.

He knows there’s a few girls that have been actively trying to get in his pants, knows that he’s been trying to get into theirs, but he can only hope he can focus on them for long enough to do so without thinking about you. If you come, he knows that there’s no chance he’ll think of anything else, and he’ll probably spend the entire night just getting you to laugh again. To get you to explain to him why. why why why. It’s confusing, but he pretends it doesn’t matter.

Thursday comes and goes too quickly, and Friday does as well. The day isn’t over yet, it’s only the afternoon, but the implications of that make you anxious. Make your nerves ignite far more than they should.

Seungmin didn’t answer your calls for the rest of that Thursday. Didn’t read or respond to a single text until you decided to leave him alone. Jieun called, but you didn’t answer. You think the way you felt towards her is the way Seungmin felt towards you. Maybe something worse, so you gave him space and took some for yourself, a moment to really think about what made you react the way you did. You don’t think you’re in the wrong, you still don’t think you could’ve reacted any other way and you’re not sure what that says about you.

You take another bite of your sandwich as you walk down the street from the Art store, your phone cradled in your other hand and a drink poking out from the opening in your bag. It’s hard to mentally prepare for things that you don’t know anything about. You don’t know where the party is, who’s hosting it, how long you’re expected to stay. Thought that’s if you’re even still going. You want to take Seungmin’s silence as an answer that no, you aren’t, but you also don’t want to assume that and then he shows up at your door and you’re not ready.

You don’t want to go, not at all, but if it made Seungmin happy then you would. If he didn’t come to pick you up you briefly entertained finding your own way to the party and cornering him, forcing him to hear your apology before leaving and soaking your pillow with tears. But you don’t know where the party is. You also briefly entertained the idea of calling Jieun and asking her, but you’re not interested in the lecture that would come from that. You still don’t appreciate her words about you to Seungmin and the implication of them. Seungmin is your friend, you can tell him what happened all by yourself. You don't need Jieun to play messenger.

You swallow the last of your lunch and throw the wrapper in the nearest trash can. You want to start a new painting, one that can unleash the frustrations of your life as it is right now, and you can only do that by getting some new supplies. You save up constantly for this exact reason— for the ability to buy whatever your heart desires whenever it desires it. You dip your toes into whatever interests you, and all concepts of Art satisfies you more than anything. Writing whatever you desire, taking pictures of the things you find beautiful, painting whatever you want— it gives you the control that fuels you more than anything else.

The art shop by your university is quaint, always quiet and never very full, yet always filled with high quality supplies and fully stocked. You’ve made friends with the old lady who owns it and her daughter, constantly going there just to buy something in order to catch up with them on whatever has happened since your last visit. They’re like the mother and sister you never had, people who feel more like family than your own. It’s partly for that reason that you’ve made the trek there, hoping to get some advice for the things you’ve been feeling before going to the party that’s undoubtedly being held by the one group of people you despise.

The bells above the door jingle when you step in, and you let the smell of paint, chalk, crayons, pens, and faint air freshener soothe you. It’s just as cluttered as it’s always been— stacks upon stacks of sketchbooks and canvases on one side situated next to the easels and small desks. The paints have a section of their own, oil, watercolor, acrylic, matte, and more— on the opposite side there’s pens and crayons, colored pencils, oil pastels, and sharpeners of all shapes and sizes.

The walls are covered in paint as if before bringing in all the items they’d had fun splattering the walls in color. It’s messy, unruly, cluttered, and barely organized— so it doesn’t make sense to you why it comforts you so much. When you see a small form hobble out from behind a stack of books a smile forms unbiddenly on your face, and the small old lady smiles back.

“I missed you, dear,” She scolds, wrapping you up in a hug. “It’s been too long since you’ve come to visit.”

“I know, I’ve just been busy Ms. Yang. I missed you.” You sigh, rubbing your nose in the soft fabric of her sweater. She smells like paint and flowers— she smells like home.

“Sam will be here soon, she’d love to see you.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. I need to talk to her too.”

“I can tell, child. You look stressed.” She sighs, shuffling behind the counter and sitting on one of the other seats behind it. “Get what you’re looking for,” She says waving a hand dismissively towards you.” I won’t make you explain it twice.”

You huff lightheartedly, making your way over to the canvases and picking one of medium proportions. You’re still not sure what it is you want to paint, but you know whatever you’re feeling is strong enough that you grab Oil paint, needing something rich and vibrant and something sharper to contrast the muddled and cloudy image of your mind.

It’s before long that you settle on a brand you normally buy, and the set of bells signal someone’s arrival into the shop. You turn your head, expecting to see Sam and her long curly hair, beautiful in its volume and her tawny brown skin, but instead you’re greeted with the sight of straight brown hair, swept behind the ears of a tall man, a mole under his eye and the reason for all your problems. You don’t know why you react the way you do, but with your items cradled in your hand you sprint behind a large stack of sketchbooks and hold your breath, staring with wide eyes at the cans of paint at your feet.

What the fuck is Hwang Hyunjin doing at your shop? This is your safe place— your safe haven. A part of you curses the ground he walks on, hopes that the store is too messy and cluttered for his liking, prays that he proves he’s as shallow as the company he keeps and that he leaves and doesn’t come back. Another part of you hates yourself for being so ridiculous. For letting your personal feelings about him delve so far that you’d think something like that. Sam and Mrs.Yang deserve the business, deserve the money, deserve the customers. You shouldn’t hope for anything different— but it still amazes you how he never fails to intrude on the things you hold dear. To intrude on the things you want to keep to yourself.

You don’t move from the spot you’re in. It could’ve been ten minutes, an hour, even, or maybe it was only thirty seconds, but you only peek out when you hear Sam’s voice ring through the shop. You survey the room, stepping out from your hiding spot when you confirm that Hyunjin is nowhere to be found. Though, you don’t think you could’ve hid regardless by the way Sam calls your name.

“Hi, Sammy,” You smile, coming up to pull her into a hug. She grips you tightly, her kinky hair tickling your cheek and her clothes smelling faintly of vanilla and roses. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, hun,” Sam smiles, albeit a little sadly as she looks over your face. “What’s wrong?”

“Hey, don’t leave a poor old lady out,” Mrs. Yang huffs, “Come over here and tell us both about it.”

Without even saying anything they’ve already cheered you up, your steps feeling lighter as you make your way behind the counter and sit on one of the three seats. You sit between them both, their eyes set patiently but concerningly on you.

“I don’t know, really,” You start, and then, you tell them. About your argument with Seungmin, about how lonely it is feeling like you’re the only one feeling this way, about how much the site angers you— how it makes you feel. You tell them about Hyunjin, about how he doesn’t stop bothering you no matter how much you make it obvious you don’t want his company. How much that frustrates you, as well, and about how the lack of control over the entire situation, and over the CSC’s place in your life makes you uncomfortable, and about how the CSC itself makes you feel things you’ve never felt before and how much that scares you. You can barely describe the way it does, and who else can you blame besides its creators.

When you’re done it feels like you’ve vented a lifelong event, it makes a heavy weight lift itself off your shoulders and the heavy silence that remains doesn’t feel like judging, but rather them trying to understand— soaking up the meaning of every word you said in an attempt to place themselves in your shoes.

“I think,” Sam starts, “That your cluelessness about your feelings towards the site in general turns into anger, and the fact that the boy,”

“Hyunjin”, You offer.

“Yes, I think his attempts at speaking to you only worsen it somehow, like you’re being cornered by this weird feeling that you don’t understand and it makes you even angrier.”

“You said your friend is a part of it?” Mrs.Yang interjects, a wrinkly hand kneading your shoulder.

“Yeah,” You murmur, “He’s good friends with the group and he loves the website.”

“That probably doesn’t help then,” She continues, “If you’re surrounded by people who know what they like or enjoy something you don’t like or don’t understand, of course you’re going to feel angry. You feel like the odd one out.”

“I think more than anything you need to figure out if it’s really anger you’re feeling, and if the only reason why you hate this website is not because of its purpose but because of your lack of control over it.” Sam finishes.

“I can’t say I agree with it either,” Mrs.Yang grunts, “It’s not something I think college students need to be worrying about. Things like that stick with you, but it’s their choice to indulge in it, Y/n, you can’t control that.”

You sigh. You guess so, but you still feel like you need to get rid of it. You’ve been slacking, not paying attention to it as much as you should because of all the chaos it’s creating. It’s been a while since you’ve done a petition or made a list of ideas as an attempt to shut it down, but for now it seems like enough to just hate it. They can’t change your mind. Not Seungmin, not Sam, not Jieun, not Mrs.Yang, not Chan or Changbin or Minho— not any of them, and especially not Hyunjin. You just want to be hateful in peace and you don’t know why you don’t seem to be allowed to do that.

You leave the shop feeling lighter, but also like you didn’t actually get any good advice. Sure they validated your feelings, but that’s it. You’ve been trying to figure out your feelings. You know why you’re frustrated, and even though it felt good to be validated it also felt like a waste. You hold the bag of art supplies closer to you as you walk. The sun is setting, painting the sky reds, and oranges, and purples— and you think maybe you’ll paint that. To represent the end of the turmoil that surrounds you, as something hopeful.

You relish in the soft slope of your shoulders, in the relaxation you so rarely feel nowadays, and walk briskly to your dorm so you can fall into your bed and try to forget about the fact that there’s a party you’re supposed to be at tomorrow.

And as if the thought brought it on, your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out quicker than you’d ever admit and a relieved smile pulls on your lips when you see it’s from Seungmin.

pup: be ready by 9

you: ok!!!!!

you: i miss you

There’s no more responses but you don’t let that dampen your mood. He still wants you to go with him and that says enough. You do feel terrible about the way you acted— the way you’ve been acting— but you know it’s justified. You’re not irrational. Not at all.

If you collapse at the foot of your bed, art supplies sitting on the floor by your feet, and a paper by your head titled #686, no one has to know.

This Saturday has not been a day of relaxation for you. You didn’t have any plans, though instead of enjoying the peace you so rarely received, the day consisted of you running around your room with a frazzled energy following behind like a ghost. At first you contemplated showing up in a sweater and jeans; no makeup, no jewelry, just you and a lazy fit— but realized that would only bring you even more stares than if you dressed as slutily as possible.

It’s with a black leather mini skirt and a black, lacy, low cut long sleeve tucked inside that you finally allow yourself to relax. You’re probably dressed way too flashily for a college party, but you can’t entertain any thoughts like that or you’ll spend the next three hours obsessing over it— and that’s three hours that you don’t have. Knee length boots stare at you from the door and it’s with a sigh that you walk to the door and put them on.

There’s more reasons to be nervous than just the party, between the inevitable walk with Seungmin to the encounter you’re most definitely going to have with the CSC and all of its users, you’re out of your element. There’s not enough deep breaths to make you calm down, there’s no method available to help clear your mind. Your heart races much more than should be healthy. It feels like hell, even, and all you can do is let this plethora of nerves run its course.

When your phone buzzes with Seungmin’s ‘I’m outside’ text, it almost feels like your heart stops. Fuck, Seungmin’s gonna ask who you’re all dressed up for, gonna ask why you’re so nervous. Why are you all dressed up? Why are you even going? It’s too much, too much of not knowing, not understanding, not feeling right. What will it take to get you to feel right? Like in freshman year when your biggest worry was whether or not you were passing your classes, now it feels like that's a lifetime ago. Like you’ve encountered way too much to even consider anything like that— not that you need to worry about it anyway. It was supposed to be a carefree year for you. You’re always on top of your responsibilities, always prepared, and nothing ever changed that until you went on that site for the first and last time.

You stop, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath that’s otherwise pointless, and step out the door. You curse the day you ever went on that website. It’s why everything is all messed up now, but you rid those thoughts from your mind. You’re determined to have fun tonight no matter what, and no matter who’s there.

Seungmin waits at the door, A button-down hanging off his shoulders and jeans. His hair is combed back and he’s ditched the glasses.

“Hey.” It comes out meeker than you’d like, a little too timid for what your relationship with Seungmin is.

“Hey,” he smiles, the braces you love so much on full display. Your best friend is beautiful, and it’s with a pang to your chest, it’s with seeing him now— so welcoming and so normal with you— that a small part of you realizes maybe you have been being irrational. Maybe you have been acting too strongly, but then you remind yourself that you’ve never been irrational. Never.

“So I’m guessing we’re going to the CSC’s dorm?”

“You’ll fit right in,” Seungmin laughs, starting to walk. You struggle to catch up to him; it’s been so long since you last wore heels that it’s hard to get used to. You don’t grace his comment with an answer, simply relishing in the soft nightly breeze and the shine of the moon. The stars glitter from above you, light years away yet so visible. So sure of their stance in life. You don’t think stars blow up at their best friends, or feel confused, or feel lonely.

You arrive at the party all too soon. From a block away you could see people drunk, staggering in the same direction, and from down the street you could hear the bass of the music, but the warning signs weren’t nearly enough to prepare you for the actual sight of it. It’s like the typical house parties you’d see on TV, but louder and more nerve-wracking. People hang out in front, the music loud enough for them to enjoy even from outside the building. Lights flash from behind the window, an array of purples, greens, reds, and blues. You can see people's shadows from behind the curtains over the front windows, and you feel like you’re about to throw up.

“Oh god,” You mumble, taking a few shaky steps inside. You can't do this. You’re gonna freak out and embarrass yourself. You can almost feel the anxiety seeping from your pores, and the word no repeats over and over in your head like a mantra.

No no no no no.

You can’t do this, but you do it anyway. Stepping inside the party is a feat in itself, and you can’t tell if your hands are shaking from the strong bass of the music or because of pure anxiety. The music knocks into your body so strongly that your knees buckle, barely able to hold you upright. At any moment you feel like you might collapse.

You can’t do it but you do it anyway, taking one step and then another, and when the door closes behind you, you resist the urge to turn back and run away. The party is full of people— so full that it’s impossible to walk anywhere without bumping into someone, and despite your best efforts you do get stares. Whether it’s because of what you’re wearing or if it’s because it’s you at a party being held by the CSC… you’re not entirely sure. You don’t think it makes a difference. You try to ignore it, act unbothered, and it must work because after a while they look away, murmuring something or the other about what you’re doing there.

Seungmin drags you away from the door and to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge and cabinets like it’s his home. You take in the somewhat chill vibe of the kitchen compared to everywhere else. It’s not nearly as full, but there are couples at opposite ends acting as if it isn’t a place where food is kept.

You take a few deep breaths, reassure yourself that you can do this, and even if you can’t you’ll do it anyway. Seungmin doesn’t say anything, just pours you something sweet and fruity in a red cup and hands it over with a raise of his eyebrows. You drink it way too quickly and you know you’re gonna regret it later, but you need the effect it’ll bring. The faux calmness that’ll help you get through the night. Though with how full the party is you think that you won’t be able to see the hosts anytime soon if at all, and that’s enough to bring your heart to a stuttering stop before it resumes its beating in a much more slow paced manner. You’re still not calm, but you’re doing your best.

“Try to relax,” Seungmin chides, his gaze heavy where it bores into you. “Everything will be just fine.”

You nod, taking a more calculated sip of your drink this time. You let the music relax you instead of startle you— focusing on the beats and the melody— on the lyrics, instead of the volume and how it makes your body tremble. You can do this.

When you finally feel like you’re able to relax, Seungmin parts from you, saying there’s some people he has to see. You’re an adult, so you can handle being alone for a few minutes. Eventually, though, the few minutes turn into something longer. You wonder if maybe Seungmin is still upset with you— you didn’t speak much about it on the walk like you thought you would. Honestly, it was mostly silence, and you didn’t think much of it before but you are now. You hold your drink close to your chest, dubbing it your life line for the night.

You last all of thirty minutes before you feel like you’re getting too hot— the building only gets even more stuffy as more people arrive, all of you packaged like a can of sardines. You take the fleeting burst of confidence to leave the kitchen and go to the backyard, hoping that it’ll be a bit more peaceful (as peaceful as possible considering the music blasting), and allow the fresh air to graze your skin like a soft blanket. You sit down on one of the benches in the backyard, leaning your head back and closing your eyes. What will it take to feel at peace? Maybe there’s nothing you can do. And it’s with these thoughts that you do exactly what you shouldn’t do at a party, wallowing in self pity and confusion. You’re so caught up in these thoughts that you don’t notice when someone else joins you.

“Hey, bug.”

Your head whips up faster than what’s comfortable, and you barely hide the wince that struggles to leave your lips. Hyunjin speaks again before you can respond.

“Don’t leave, alright. Please?” He asks, sitting down beside you and smoothing his hands over his pants. “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“About us? About you? I’m tired of running in circles and I want to know why you hate me— the CSC so much.”

You’re silent for a moment, contemplating, thinking. You should get up, leave the backyard and this party altogether. You should ignore whatever it is Hyunjin has to say because he’s the reason for all this, right? Why is he always pretending he doesn’t know; acting like he wants to get to know you? Acting like it really matters how you feel. Everyone wants to understand, everyone wants to know why, but you don’t even know— but you’ll never admit it outright. You’ll never say the one thing that’s been your driven principle for the past year is something you’re unsure about. All you know is that it’s bad, that it’s made you feel ways that were foreign to you, and in order to regain control you need to get rid of it. No matter how anyone else feels about it, no matter who gets upset with you along the way. You need to do it.

Your voice is soft, but not meek. For once, you’re gonna get this entire experience off your chest. “When I first went on the site in the beginning of freshman year I was curious,” You start, glancing at Hyunjin and feeling the tightness in your chest return when you realize he’s already looking at you. “At first, I was curious, and then I was confused. I clicked on a few videos— I scrolled for a while— and I started to get this weird feeling. The more I watched the videos, the more I scrolled through pictures and posts, the feeling got stronger.”

You feel so stupid, but you continue. If Hyunjin makes fun of you he’s just proving your assumptions correct. “I’d never felt that way before and honestly, it kinda scared me, and it was annoying that I didn’t understand it. I didn’t do anything after that. I ignored how fast my heart was beating, how my body was reacting, and never went on that site again. Slowly, that confusion turned into anger— it’s not normal. The way I felt wasn’t normal, and that’s why I think that site needs to get shut down.”

“Bug…” Hyunjin laughs a little and you want to be offended, but you can tell it’s more shock than amusement. “Bug have you ever had sex? Or.. touched yourself at all?”

Your mouth opens and closes comically, but Hyunjin is patient, waiting and watching carefully for you to speak. “Is that what’s important?” You finally say, your eyebrows furrowed and you’re ready to defend yourself if need be. “No, I haven’t.”

“God, bug this is…” Hyunjin squints at you, “I think you were aroused.”

You splutter, feeling your heart rate spike in embarrassment. “What!? No. No.”

“That weird feeling? That heat in your gut,” Hyunjin says, and to punctuate he lays a large, warm, hand over your stomach. “You were horny.” This time, Hyunjin’s laugh is one of amusement, but you're too distracted by how big his hand is, splayed over your stomach and so warm it feels like it’s burning through your clothes.

“Hyunjin, the feeling— no, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Bug, if you’ve never ever been aroused before somehow, of course it felt weird. Holy shit.”

You don’t say anything, but Hyunjin continues before you can get a grip on your thoughts.

“I can’t believe this is the reason why you’ve hated us for so long, I honestly can’t believe it.”

“Hyunjin… that feeling wasn’t pleasurable. Control is pleasurable. I didn’t have a grip on anything that day and barely regained it on the days following. You can’t convince me that getting rid of the CSC won’t bring back a sense of normalcy. You can’t, and even if you’re right, I think that morally, the site is still wrong, and I’m not going to stop trying to shut it down.”

“There’s so much about the CSC you don’t know about, and there’s so much more to pleasure than control.” Hyunjin sighs, clearly more at ease now that he realizes you’re just confused. You don’t know, really, why you hate them. That’s clear. You’re stubborn though, he can tell, and even if this idea he has works— he’s not sure you’ll stop until you get what you want.

Earlier that day the CSC received an email from the dean, threatening that they’ll start looking into all that their site entails because of how often you keep badgering them about it. It’s starting to create a murmur between staff, and they’re growing increasingly frustrated. All that means to Hyunjin is you’re finally breaking through their resolve, running them down enough for them to consider shutting it down or supervising more intensely. Hyunjin can’t have that. None of them can. When Hyunjin approached you tonight he expected to have to beg— to have to plead with you to stop meddling. The site is bigger than you know, more important than some college stupidity. It rakes in a lot of cash, and he can’t have such petty reasoning stop that flow.

Hyunjin’s voice is husky as he continues and his words send an undeniable shiver down your spine “I can show you that the site, and sex by association aren’t bad at all. Mentally, you’re confused and physically, you’re pent up. We can’t have that can we, pretty girl?”

“No, we can’t.”

Wait. What? Yes, we can. Yes you can. You’ve been doing just fine right? You don’t need Hyunjin’s help. He’s not gonna change your mind because your mind doesn’t need changing.

“You can try to shut us down, but at the same time let us help you.”

“Us?” You murmur, attempting to understand what exactly is happening.

“All of us, the CSC can help you figure out what you’re feeling, right? We can help you decide what to do.”

“…You can help me?”

Hyunjin hums, removing his hand from your waist and trailing his finger along the skin just above the hem of your shirt. His fingers dip over your cleavage, tug at your necklace, up and up until your chin is in his hand, and he turns you to face him as his lips brush your cheek. “I want to see who will succeed first, so let me show you that there’s more to pleasure than control.”

He can help you. Out of all the people who ask you why, who say they want to understand but don’t try, he’s the one who’s offering a solution. As annoying as he’s always been to you, as much as he’s always embodied something you hate— the person who’s embedded such foreign feelings in your mind— he wants to help you. He wants to try, and he’s not telling you to stop your goal either. He’s not telling you it’s stupid, he’s not getting angry. He doesn’t make you feel irrational. You’re not irrational. You have a goal and it’s one you’re gonna complete, but… it doesn’t hurt to try, right? And if you succeed, if you shut them down and Hyunjin fails— if the CSC fails you’ll win. You’ll win and prove that you were right all along.

“Go easy on me.”

“Of course, bug.”

You keep your eyes downcast in embarrassment as Hyunjin whispers against your skin, his fingers gently turning your chin up and over to the point of focus. His lips. Pouty, sinfully crimson, curving upwards so surely, like they themselves know their effect on people. They look so soft, so wet. You want to feel them, and it’s as if Hyunjin’s read your mind because his lips are on yours before you can even blink.

“You just kissed me,” Your voice is airy, breathless, and usually you’d be embarrassed.

“Can I do it again?”

There’s a simmering, boiling tension both of you have been ignoring but you’ve lost the will to care about hating Hyunjin or Chan or the CSC. Momentarily, you’ve lost the will to feel much at all but a burning desire to take away any negative emotion you feel. You’re sick of it, sick of feeling confused. Last night you’d dealt with it by crying your eyes out, before that you’d dealt with it by having a screaming match with your best friend, and now you’re ready to look for something to fix it. This just might be the best way to start.

“Not outside.” You whisper, your hands clutching the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt with such an intensity you’re afraid it’ll rip off then and there.

The trip inside and upstairs is a blur. You’re sure if anyone saw you they stared, wondering what you two were doing together, wondering what you were going upstairs for. It’s a blur, nothing is clear but what you’re going to do at this moment, and with Hwang Hyunjin of all people. Of what you’re going to do in the future, with the CSC of all people, what you’re gonna do to them— what you’re gonna allow them to do to you— that’s the only thing on the forefront of your mind. Not about who’s watching, not about who wants to know. It’s about you. You’re the one in control, you’re the one who gets to decide. You’re the one who needs to know.

Warm. You feel warm all over, pressed against Hyunjin with his thighs spreading yours open, warm in his tight embrace. Your hands are clutching at his clothes, at his arms— It’s so hot, yet somehow the constant cool air of the room makes you shiver.

“W-what do I do?”

Hyunjin chuckles, his voice the softest you’ve ever heard it. “You don’t have to do anything, pretty. Let me handle it.”

Letting Hyunjin handle anything doesn’t sound like a very good idea to you in any instance, but in this case you let him. You’re otherwise clueless in this area and frankly, if you want his help you’re going to have to accept it when it’s given. His mouth lands back on yours, a certain kind of desire running through the kiss. His hands are all over you. Trying to grab at every inch he can, and you try your best to kiss him back with equal intensity— to move your lips against his with the same fervor.

Your heart kicks up an irritating notch when Hyunjin slides a warm hand up your shirt. You can feel the way his fingers ghost over your skin with an unnatural intensity, as if his touch is amplified tenfold. And if Hyunjin had imagined this during late nights, cock shamelessly fisted in his hand as he dreamt of you pushing your panties to the side for him to enter your tight hole, no one has to know.

“Look at me, pretty,” Hyunjin growls, your eyes opening at his command against your better judgement. His pupils are dilated, staring down at you with a foreign intensity. The way he looks at you is an awakening, and with a small burst of confidence, you bury your fingers into the collar of his shirt, bringing him down for another kiss. It’s a little awkward with your inexperience, all teeth and clumsy movements until he takes the lead. His lips feel like heaven and you want them everywhere, want to kiss him forever. You want to sink his soft groans into your skin, keep the taste of him on your tongue for the rest of your days as he licks into your mouth, coaxing feelings out of you you've never felt before— kissing you into blissful dizziness.

"I wonder why you're so pretty, hm? Been torturing me for months, sweet thing," Hyunjin teases, pressing your thighs farther apart, tongue pushing against yours, his lips cherry red. You want to kiss him again. "I don’t think you really hate me, bug.”

Your breath hitches when his hands move to your skirt, slipping under the hem and holding the fabric tightly. God, you feel so bare. Like Hyunjin is looking at you from the inside out. When he pulls your skirt down slowly, so slowly it feels like time stands still, all that’s on your mind is him. His breathing, his touch, his warmth. When your pink, lacy panties come into view the chuckle Hyunjin lets out is so deep it feels like a heavy blanket over your mind, soothing you yet igniting something in you that you didn’t know existed. God, you’re in the demon's bed but you feel like you’ve gotten a taste of heaven, and when those soft, cherry red lips ghost over your skin, trailing over your pelvis, leaving light kisses along your skin, all you can do is jerk in his hold. You’re so sensitive. So, so sensitive.

His hands grip your waist tightly and his lips trail upwards, the bridge of his nose pushing your shirt up until it’s so high your breasts threaten to fall, smothering Hyunjin’s face underneath them. You shiver at the thought, those sinful lips pressing kisses against the skin of your breasts; what would it feel like? Would it feel like this? This feeling that you’re still so unfamiliar with?

"Pretty girls deserve to know what it feels like to have me right here,” Hyunjin starts, leaning down to press a trail of kisses to your inner thigh. He bites and marks along the fleshiest parts, chuckling at your quiet whimpers and yelps. You didn’t know you could make sounds like that. He slides a hand up between your thighs and rubs between your folds, still covered by your lacy panties. “Did you come to impress someone tonight?” Hyunjin murmurs, before splitting them to rub your clit through the fabric. You feel like falling as he circles between your thighs, a gasp hiccupping at the base of your throat before it gets stuck— you can’t make a sound.

You faintly hear the rustle of clothing and the absence of Hyunjin’s touch, opening your eyes to see him pulling his shirt off, biceps flexing as he does. He’s so big, and fuck, his whole body could cover your own if he really wanted. He towers over you, caging you in and surrounding you from all sides. When his shirt is off and thrown somewhere to the floor, he looms over you, his hands pressing into the bedding at either side of your head, and all you can do is gasp— your eyes widening at his proximity.

“You okay?” He whispers, and you nod.

“Yes.”

It’s breathless. It’s not you. It’s not the person who wanted nothing to do with Hyunjin only a day ago, but you want answers. You want clarity. And right now, you want this.

Hyunjin wastes no time after your confirmation, his fingers slipping under your panties and ghosting over your skin. He lets out a harsh breath at the feeling where you’re otherwise silent, trusting that he knows what to do. When a rush of cool air blows over you though, your legs close instinctively, and Hyunjin hums, “Stay with me, bug.”

“I’m here,” You respond, slowly spreading your legs back wide and allowing him to pull your underwear down until they’re hanging off ur ankle, your arousal sticks to the fabric, but with a flick of his wrist they’re gone. They’re gone. Oh god. You’re really doing this. You take a deep breath, and when a warm hand comes to cradle your cheek you lean into the warmth. It’s okay. You’re okay.

Soft lips press against your skin, tainting the unmarked flesh with bites and bruises. He paints your neck purple and blue, fingers ghosting between your thighs, tracing and playing with the obvious wetness coating your arousal. His mouth travels upwards, pressing against your own as he claims your lips in a devouring kiss. Everything is on fire, hot and burning as lust begins to entirely consume you for the first time.

A small moan slips past your lips as he dips a finger into your slick, warm cunt, and you clench around the digit almost immediately as instinct. The cool air and your nerves make your thighs tremble, but it doesn’t seem to affect Hyunjin— not at all— if the way he keeps eye contact with you while he fingers you slowly is any indicator. Painfully slow. You don’t know if this is to help you or torture you, and you can’t help the way your thighs tense under his ministrations.

The man before you reaches his other hand towards the hem of your top to pinch the edge of it between an index finger and thumb, and pulls the cloth away from your skin.

His eyes bore into yours: “This okay?”

“Fuck, the more you ask me the more nervous I get.”

“Okay, okay. I don’t wanna make you nervous.”

“Just… be nice to me, Hyunjin. Okay?”

Hyunjin smiles, and you exhale, relaxing into Hyunjin’s sheets and letting his musky cologne consume your senses as his touch roams everywhere else.

And then finally— yet all too quickly— the shirt is tugged away from your breasts and they fall freely as Hyunjin eagerly leans closer. His nose presses against one of your hardened nipples, and you watch his pupils dilate quicker than you thought was possible. He’s barely holding back the urge to fuck you dumb, and the finger that still thrusts slowly into your cunt stutters in its movements.

Look at you. His eyes roam over the look on your face, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, bright eyes glazed over and hooded in a bliss that’s otherwise foreign to you, a particular ease directed towards him. Then he shamelessly let his eyes drop down to your thighs that tremble even harsher under his gaze. The action only forces his mind to run wild. He can’t help but wonder how you do it— looking all innocent— being all innocent but acting like you’re not. Like you’re so sure. You’re confused, god, you don’t know what real pleasure is— and it’s Hyunjin’s job to teach you. Fuck, did he want to be under you, gazing up at your through half lidded eyes, hungrily eating up the sight of you bouncing on his cock like the slut you could be.

He dipped his head down, holding your breast in his large hand and rubbing over your nipples with his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardened bud. Your hands automatically perched themselves on his shoulders, and he grins, moving the finger thrusting into your cunt harsher, faster.

“Oh, god,” You moan, loud, your grip on his bare shoulders tightening ever so slight. His skin was warm under your fingers— soft and smooth and fuck if it didn’t feel good.

He groans, cock stiffening more than it already had. At this rate he was probably going to cum in his pants untouched, but he held himself back. He wanted to do this right— show you all that pleasure could be. He moved his mouth from your nipple to slip lower, down lower and lower still until he came face to face with your arousal.

“Fuck. You’re driving me crazy.”

“Oh- oh Hyunjin help me, please,” You pleaded, his shoulders too far to grip onto; your hands instead finding his hair, running your fingers through and pulling when he nosed at your clit, groaning heartily when your wetness clinged to his skin.

It’s with a lick to your clit that you wail, your thighs threatening to close, and they would have if Hyunjin’s hands hadn’t reached out to force them down, pushing further and sticking his face into your arousal with more fervor, licking and sucking with such vigor that it felt as if he was trying to devour you. Your thighs trembled with every movement of his tongue, poking and prodding at every inch of your cunt, his nose dug against your clit and for a moment it felt like you were seeing stars. Your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth letting out uncontrollable moans.

You didn’t think it’d feel this good. But, you remind yourself, control feels better. You can’t let him change that— he won’t change that.

The obscene sounds that came from his actions should’ve embarrassed you, but nothing like that came to mind. Hyunjin was relentless, and you couldn’t even think of anything more than the feeling of his hair between your fingers and his tongue slurping at your cunt.

You tried to quiet your moans by clamping a hand over your mouth, but sitting up and watching the way he sucked and licked at your arousal made your head spin. He made the action so nasty. So filthy. He was wild yet careful. But what did you know? All you knew was that it was driving you insane and you didn’t know anything could feel this good.

Besides control, of course. And you assume, the eradication of the CSC would, also.

Suddenly, your stomach tenses, your body locking up, and you quickly cream all over his tongue, shaky moans slipping through your pretty lips. Your thighs shook from the aftershock, trying to come down from this feeling. Afterwards, Hyunjin’s actions felt too harsh. He didn’t change pace at all, but it felt like your body was going to arch its way into oblivion. Unable to ignore the sensitivity of your body any longer, you pushed against his head until he stopped, attempting to catch your breath.

“You okay?”

You hum, begging the beating of your heart to soften, though as soon as it finally did you looked back at Hyunjin and saw his pants sliding down his legs. His toned, muscular legs, and it started its harsh beating once again. That wasn’t it? Of course, that’s wasn’t it, but fuck. You don’t know if you can handle anything more.

The headboard of his bed knocks against the wall as he climbs back up on the bed, moving his body closer this time and instead of only his chest hovering over you, this time his legs cage you in, one on either side, as your heart pounds itself into oblivion.

One hand supported his weight on the pillow by your head while the other was preoccupied, curled around his cock as he stared down at you— something akin to a beast in his gaze. Tip reddened and precum oozing from the slit while he groaned. The tingly feeling in your groin was coming back, similar to the fluttering you always felt whenever Hyunjin would come bother you. It intensifies when Hyunjin wraps your legs around his waist and pulls you closer to him, your body dragging the bedding from under you and you yelp.

He rubs the tip of his cock against your twitching folds, teasing actions feeling more like torture before he finally sinks in. Slowly, deliberately, but you still tense. It’s scary, having something stick itself inside of you.

“Relax,” Hyunjin murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Stay with me.”

You do your best, forcing your body to relax, as he sinks deeper and deeper still. Hyunjin grunts softly when you clench down on him, and he sighs as you blink dazedly up at him.

Pretty eyes are locked intensely on your cunt, Hyunjin watching the slide of his cock as he thrusts inside. His hair is plastered along his sweat slicken forehead, and he sinks back into your slick walls with another languid roll of his hips.

“Fuck you’re so tight, baby.”

You moan, high and light, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss while Hyunjin’s chest expands with a shaky breath. He rolls his hips into yours— sinking his cock into your virgin cunt saying the filthiest words you’ve ever known before his words break off into a moan, his tone lower and deeper than his playful one. Tonight you’re seeing a whole new side of him— a new persona. This isn’t the annoying Hwang Hyunjin who bothers you and calls you ‘bug’, this is the Hwang Hyunjin everyone else knows. The one you hadn’t met yet.

“Oh, please don’t stop— be nice to me,” You babble, your hands grabbing at whatever you can— his shoulders, his back, his hair; and that’s all it takes before he suddenly takes up a pace that’s a little faster, rougher as your pussy squelches, wet and messy while your arousal smears along your thighs and the sheets.

Your body jolts with each thrust, pussy clenching around him as Hyunjin moans—every twitch and squeeze of your pussy leaving him breathless. “Come on, baby,” He pleads, and you don’t know what to do. You’re too lost in the haze of pleasure that’s taken over you— you can’t hear past the slap of your skin and Hyunjin’s groans in your ear. You know you’re moaning, but you can barely hear yourself. It’s all Hyunjin. Him all over you, surrounding you, making you feel good.

He grunts as you clench down on him with another roll of his hips, sinking deeper into you with each thrust. “That’s it, pretty,” he grunts, “Taking me so well, fuck. So greedy for me.” And again, you feel that strange feeling before tensing up, your body convulsing and arching up as Hyunjin’s thrusts grow more frantic— harsher and harsher as he groans gutturally in your ear with one last thrust long and deep, and when something shoots deep inside, you shiver one last time before your body sinks into the mattress and Hyunjin’s weight cases you in.

You feel boneless, lethargic with your movement. You feel when Hyunjin gets off you, when he closes your legs after slipping your underwater back on. You hear it when he sighs, something light and satisfied, and you barely manage to answer when he asks you how you feel. You can’t do much more than sigh, but it seems like enough for him— like that was the exact answer he was looking for. You succumb to blissful sleep right before the door shuts behind Hyunjin.

“Hear me out,” Hyunjin sighs, a lazy smile on his features even still. You’re no joke even if you might not know it yet. “I think it could really work.”

“You want us to convince Y/n to what? Leave us alone or..?” Jeongin says, leaning against the table in the kitchen.

The party has long been over, there’s a mess everywhere but it’s empty except for the eight boys and you knocked out in Hyunjin’s bed. Jisung sits sprawled on the couch, head twisted ever so slightly to betray that he’s listening to the conversation, Jeongin leans against the table and Chan has his arms folded where he leans against the wall serving as the entrance between the kitchen and the living room.

Minho downs a bottle of water by the sink, and Changbin leans against the fridge, leveling Hyunjin with an intense look. Felix and Seungmin sit on the couch opposite Jisung where they have a full view of everything and everyone.

“She barely even knows what porn is, so I said I could convince her the site isn’t that bad— and is something she could grow to like, if not love.” Hyunjin explains, his eyebrows raising in wait for the retaliation that’s sure to come.

“Why should we?” Minho asks, with a swallow, “If she doesn’t like it, honestly what does it matter.” Heads nod in agreement.

“Listen, they’re starting to consider whatever the fuck she’s selling them at those little meetings, and I got an email about investigation if this keeps up. If we fail to change her mind, we can at least distract her enough for the heat to lessen a little.”

Chan nods, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” He shrugs, looking over at everyone in the kitchen. “We change her mind, then we got one less problem to deal with.”

“And if we don't?” Changbin asks, tilting his head at both Hyunjin and Chan. “And if this is just a waste of time?”

“It isn’t,” Hyunjin assures, “Trust me.”

The rest of them don’t argue, but Hyunjin feels Seungmin’s gaze boring into him from the couch, feels his questions burning at the tip of his tongue, begging to be let out, so he leaves before they can succeed.

“We can talk about it more later, but I think it’ll work. It’s a good deed, and I know how much you guys love those.” Some scoffs and laughs fill the room, but Hyunjin is already halfway up the stairs, a plan forming in his mind and a pleasant smile growing on his face.

a note from iris: this chapter was late because of that long ass smut scene so i hope it was enjoyable and that this wasn’t 17k worth of a snoozefest 😭 i’m sorry it’s late!! so sorry but it’s still friday even if it’s 11 pm <3<3 not beta read not nothin so pls.. spare me.. and i hope you liked it !!!

not-so-mini taglist (there’s so many of y’all !!???): @chrisbahng @seonghwatoothless @bubblelixie @199719932000 @imsuchasimp00 @hyu-hl @oddinaryfelix @raspbinniecreme @fa3body @kittykatkrissa @andreaswrld @hattorihaechan @lachinitaaaaa @j-0ne25 @bangchanbabygirlx @ni-sh @green-orangeade @sincerely-skz @exclusivej3ss @elizalabs3 @lili-kims-blog @curiousgworge @midsoulz @sawadabegum @reighlee-greaves @lotus-dly @blcar @impossiblewritingrebel @yourhwngness @idek-at-this-point-lol @multihoe-net @hyun-bun @hwan-g @ughbehavior @rindomo @awesomelycoolworld @springdeity @todolyn @meowminhosblog @hyunelixies @emotionalwreckkk-blog @seungschacco @avyskai @cvfechan @jeyelleohe @vvsmydiamonds127 @chriscentric @simpforpunzngl @be-a-spacequeen @svintsandghosts @myjisung @hanjiesgf

*** if your tag didn’t work make sure your blog is visible! if i somehow missed you when tagging i offer a sincere apology <3

#hyunjin scenarios #skz smut #skz scenarios #stray kids x reader #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x female reader #hyunjin smut #hyunjin angst #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin imagines #skz x reader

[soraviie]

jealous over a friend.txt

━ type: bts x gn! reader  ━ navigation

━ about: angst, a teeny tiny bit of humour ━  pictures taken from Pinterest

━ a/n: Please, like, reblog and leave a comment, they inspire the writing to continue :)

━ linked to: "he's a friend of a friend" and "crushing on a friend"

NAMJOON: The smile is present but the eyes scream murder and once he puts a hand on your shoulder, you stiffen. Not because he makes you uncomfortable, well, perhaps just a little, after all the poisoned aura is streaming from him in pungent waves. Be that as it may, you stiffen more so because of the implications behind the seemingly minuscule gesture. Why do it at all? One time? Sure. But this was not a rare occurrence anymore. Still, you don't discuss it. Both of you observe this rather intricate though entirely mute ritual - he acts like your lover but isn't and neither of you ever dare to bring it up. At most, there are fifteen stifled minutes where both of you stand awkwardly in each other’s presence. Afterwards, it's discarded and you go back to being Namjoon and ______________. Whatever that means.

And frankly you're sick of it.

You shrug his hand off your shoulder and loudly proclaim that no, you're not ready to leave yet. Instantly his eyes narrow and if feasible there'd be smoke coming from his nostrils.

"We arrived together."

"Does that mean we leave together as well?"

The person you've scarcely flirted with has already long disappeared into the depths of yet another one of Namjoon's cement post-modern art exhibitions despite you both not noticing. This isn't about them. It's about Namjoon and _____________ and what does that mean.

Huffing a breath of barely contained ire, he continues, trying to sound softer.

"It's safer if we stick together."

It's late afternoon as you trail down an abandoned side street. The golden sun is slowly sinking below the horizon and though the air is warm it's unperturbed by conversation. You listened to him in the end. Why do you always listen to him?

Your depressed sigh doesn't go unnoticed. Namjoon’s head quirks in your direction, you can see so from the corner of the eye.

"They weren't the right one for you," he mutters, almost like an afterthought.

"Then who is? You never like anyone I do," you snap back. He opens his mouth as though ready to say the definitive answer but somewhere in the seconds before his gaze lifts off the cobbled ground to stare at your face only to return back to the ground, the reply is lost.

"I don't know," his fists come up to curl by his side. "Just...someone else."

YOONGI: The yearly get away among dearly beloved and wonderful friends, Sae's words not yours, was not going how you'd planned it. First of all, it was once again Yoongi, the Special Presidential Envoy Min Yoongi, who volunteered to drive your directionally insane ass to the storybook cabin deep in Gangwon province. As if sensing that the last two times meeting each other face to face was not enough of an embarrassing ordeal, he just had to be so chivalrous and offer to pick you up. And sure the last time wasn't...that bad but he was after all Min Yoongi. No matter how many times he'd inexplicably texted you over the course of this bizarre year, it didn't change the fundamental fact - he was Min Yoongi and you were you.

Maybe he'd realised that as well because as it stood he appeared on the very brink of hurling. Lips turned downward and gaze set numbly on the floor, he sits in the far edge of the patio and looks positively disgusted. The change of moods is so jarring, you can't hear a word what Drew is saying. You like Drew, perhaps once upon a time a bit too much, but currently you find yourself wishing they'd just shut it.

"He looks sick," they point out quietly, briefly making eyes at Yoongi. "Does he have a stomach flu?"

"I don't know," you honestly shrug. "We were talking some thirty minutes ago and everything was fine."

"Maybe you should go ask him?"

Your eyes widen and much like Edvard Munch painting you gape at Drew, jaw growing slack.

"Me?" you parrot, scandalised. "Why me?!"

"Because he talks to you the most?" Drew answers, equally befuddled.

You turn towards Yoongi, accidentally clutching the glass so tightly it makes an audible squeak and feeling the weight of your stare, he meets it head on. Then he swivels away.

"He probably hates me," you lament. "I get it. I went on a long ramble about hues of green colour on the way over here. Hatred is understandable."

"Hmm, does he?" Drew hums cryptically. "I rather think it's me he dislikes."

"You?" you query with a furrowed brow. "What have you done?"

"I'm talking to you, am I not?"

"I don't get it," you mutter after a moment of consideration.

Once Drew leaves for the night, to your surprise, Yoongi stops by and offers to drive you back, even to the airport once the vacation is over. And while technically you were supposed to hitch with Sae and the rest, your mouth is faster than the brain and you blur a breathy agreement.

Curiously, he doesn't appear disgusted in the slightest, in fact, Yoongi gives you a diffident smile, softly ghosting his fingers across your palm to tug you onto one of the many plush seats laying around on the patio. You're tired, says he, he'd noticed.

JIN: "What...was that?" you question curiously at Jin's retreating back. He blinks at you, feigning utter innocence but the displeased scrunch of his nose tells you a very different story. One might even say a polar opposite.

"What was what?" he mimics your confusion with frustrating level of acted ignorance. "Did you think anything weird was going on? 'Cause I didn't. All is cool."

Jin who previously had to get bubbled off a bottle of champagne to even say sorry to you had just guided you out of the room, hand around waist and all, after bidding a polite yet cutting to a faceless stranger: "thank you for the flattery, they're however taken. Try again never".

Yes, safe to say, it was a bit weird.

The longer the weight of your undivided stare settles upon his shoulders, the more he crumbles.

"He was making you uncomfortable, wasn't he?" he whines, affronted if the pout was any indication.

"Well, yeah, but I doubt you could see it across the mile long hallway," you smile at him, curiosity eating you whole. The action was...uncharacteristic for Jin. Though lately he'd been acting quite weird. Like he was holding some big and grave secret that he could hardly contain within himself.

"Well, I did," he scorns, kissing his teeth in annoyance. "Now buy me a drink."

"Buy you a drink?" you echo disbelievingly. "It's my birthday!"

"And we're celebrating the collective good," Jin throws you a wayward glare over his broad shoulder. "You and me. We need nothing more."

You're rather inclined to agree though you don't voice it out loud. Jin had this weird habit of going beetroot read whenever you said something too sweet.

HOSEOK: "You're hanging out with Hoseok? You?" the level of surprise in Nall's voice is almost insulting so you react to it as such. Giving her your driest glare, you flick a strand of hair away from the eyes.

"Yes, me. I don't see what you're fussing so much about."

"Oh come on!" she protests. "I had to swear in blood-"

"It was cranberry jam."

"-that I won't even bring him up in conversation and now you're friends?!"

"Yeah well," you retort off-handedly over the shoulder. "He accidentally met me on the street and we ate together and now we're...friendly. He's cool," the last part you keep largely to yourself. "Do you like this shirt?"

"The shirt is sick!" Was the first thing out of Hoseok's mouth, once you spot the tuft of his dyed hair from a distance. You bid a quiet thank you, forcing a stiff smile upon your lips. Okay, so perhaps you weren't as easy going with him as you projected to Naal but he really was cool. In the relatively span of time you actually talked to him in a friendly manner, you saw the invisible albeit sturdy wall between both of you thinning and although Hoseok noticed it as well he never pushed you to break it. You went at your own pace and he was glad to tag by.

The conversations flows easy, it's not particularly deep but it's fine for now. He relies on the advice he feels comfortable asking for and you divulge little worries that have piled along the way. It's all good for now.

"Any special plans for the weekend?" The festival is coming up," he remarks in between bites of crispy glazed chicken. It's good, he had shared a piece.

"Oh, I'm going on a date."

The movement of Hoseok's hand stops and you lift your head to see what caused the change.

"Really?" he inquires politely, somewhat disinterested. "With whom?"

"Don't know yet," you shrug. "Nall set me up with one of her dancing partners. What about the festival? You're going to that one."

Hoseok gifts a smile that feels a bit too stiff for your liking but you shrug it off. Not like you knew him all that well.

"No," he says suspiciously light. "Reconsidered."

JIMIN: "What am I only supposed to talk to you?!"

"Yes! No one else! Just me!"

You draw a shuddering sigh of tightly congealed wrath, glaring Jimin down with all the world's disdain.

"Fuck you."

Oh, how you wished that it would be the triumphant march of victory that you'd walk home with but, alas, it's more of a sad, tired shuffle where the only thing you see is the soulless city concrete and the only thing you feel is the ever surmounting mound of self-disgust.

Jimin's bright, you're dim, he's warm, you're cold. Different people worked out only in theory, in reality they walked their respective opposite ways. Had they not, would magnets not push each other away?

You don't think you're making sense anymore so you shake your head and numbly walk through the quiet doors of your home. With Jimin having spent all his free time here, seeing the dark shroud the hallway is almost disconcerting though once it was an all too familiar of a sight.

To recall that once upon a time he couldn't even properly glimpse at you. That he'd been nothing more than the yet antoher stranger Malia wanted to give the world to. The tone with which he'd spoken with you then had been reserved and polite. Where had that gone to? And why didn't you stop loving him no matter how hard you wanted to? Getting over Jimin in the unspoken suffocating empty space of your imagination was hard enough, why did he have to be so-!

A knock on the door.

Who else.

"You have a key," you open the door and grumble without a fail but he shrugs, hands deep in pockets and that guilty, though tad sharp expression mars his face.

"I wanted you to let me in."

"Are you going to say sorry?"

"No," his eyes darken, plush lips speaking words that drip down like honey but burn all the same. "I'm not sharing you with some sleazy asshole."

The thing about Jimin as you had learned was that there were great many parts of him, entangled and overlapping each other not unlike a twisted knot of wires. He could simultaneously be soft and fierce about the same thing like the way he is now - gazing at you determined from the other side of the open door.

"You're always so jealous," you roll your eyes, pretending that there isn't a part of you that giggles like a schoolchild over his hunger for your attention.

"Yes, I am," spitefully, he agrees, lifting one eyebrow. "What are you going to do about it?"

You stand mutely, slowly realizing that there couldn't be a march of victory to begin with as you never could have won. Like a spider made of well-meaning intentions and genuine care, he twists you around his ringed fingers. And you're so screwed.

"We're still friends, right?" he asks, prideful at first glance but you know how vulnerable his heart is underneath the glimmering, hardened armor of his that's neither a mask or a facade. His strength is not an illusion but a part of him. A part of him you love, though you'd rather die on the spot than let your mind wander on scenarios of possibilities.

At last, you give in, tired but sated in a way. You're still friends and he's here, you don't need anything else.

"Of course, we are," you sigh, stepping out the way and happily, Jimin slides in the slippers he'd lugged all the way from his house. "Though you infuriate me like fucking no one else."

You turn to glide into the kitchen, quickly finding that the greedy, beloved spider of yours has wrapped his hands around you, nosing pacifyingly at the back of your neck.

TAEHYUNG: "Just call him."

The sound of Jae's exasperated tone pulls you away from the dutiful task of staring numbly at the phone.

"Didn't you plead the fifth?" you snide. But this is Jae and he cannot be so easily offended.

"I did, I did," sagely, he nods along. "Being caught up in this emotionally constipated friends to lovers shtick between my two besties is bad for the skin."

"We're not-" heatedly, you begin but it is quickly interrupted by a stern:

"Don't fool yourself."

You leave the room, phone still in hand.

Taehyung's confession hadn't been at all surprising - you were not stupid, however it did not make it any easier to accept. He was after all Kim Taehyung and the evolution of your relationship with him from that awkward first car ride was boggling enough, to transform into lovers was just...too much.

"You don't know what you're saying."

"I'm an adult," he glared at you across the candle lit table. "Don't rob me of my agency. I know what I feel."

You wet your lips, struggling and failing to come up with something both pointed and profound.

"Listen," he began anew, softer, maybe even tired in a way. "I'm not forcing you to love me back. I'm not out here demanding your affection."

You lift an eyebrow at him and instantly he concedes.

"Well, maybe a little but you know what I mean," he admitted with the very corners of the lips curling into a dry smile. "I'm not going to dictate how you should feel but in return I ask that you don't either. I promise I won't bother your peace of mind, just let me love you and if you ever decide to reciprocate, I'll be here waiting."

Before the full weight of his confession had the time to make you utterly breathless, grimly, almost like an afterthought, he added:

"Though I won't pretend to be happy when you're with someone else. I'm sorry I just can't."

You have to give him that, he'd been up front about it hence why you can't really blame him. The unexpected re-emergence of your ex looking for a reconciliation had left Taehyung mute and sullen as he quickly hopped on a plane and left for overseas. Being a stubborn person yourself you dug your heels in, proclaiming that you won't entertain his tantrums but..

But you missed him.

When at last you broke down and called well into the night, he picked up immediately as though waiting all this time. You ignored the way your heart trembled at the thought of it.

Instead of a greeting there's a forlorn "I missed you" spoken in an absolute sync. You chuckle mirthlessly and so does he yet silence follows suit.

"You left," you accuse meekly. Vulnerable.

"I did," Taehyung hums, sounding tired of all things. "I couldn't stand seeing you get together with them again. I wish...I could be better for you."

"You're plenty of good," heatedly, you argue.

"Am I?" he echoes thoughtfully and you find yourself wishing you could gage what his expression was like. "I'm jealous and petty, and childish. You know that."

"So? No one's faultless."

I'm certainly not, you think to yourself. Had you been, you'd probably tell him that lately you've been liking him some different way than what you think friends should be. It's something, you don't know what it is.

"Are you going to get back together?" he asks tersely and, despite him not being able to see it, you shake your head.

"No," because of you.

And despite you not being able to see it, somewhere in the gilded hotel room that's as luxurious as it is lonely, Taehyung closes his eyes, pressing the phone to his ear, pining, yearning, wanting so much he wants to cry. Because of you. But he'll wait. Is it what he should do? Perhaps not but no one is after all faultless.

JUNGKOOK: "No."

"But-!"

"As your best friend-"

"You're not."

He casts a heavy glare over the rim of the glass.

"As your best friend," he reiterates strongly so there's no misinterpretation from your end. "You should just dump them."

"I cannot just do it over a text!"

"Sure, you can," Jungkook shrugs carelessly. "Undoubtedly it's an asshole move but the bitch deserves it."

"Jungkook!"

"What?!" he whines with the whole of his body, a familiar grimace of frown marring his features. Ever since you got together with your partner, he was nothing short of a storm cloud, glaring and raining on all the parade's happening around. "They stood you up - how many times? How many times you fought and they ignored you? How many times they threw a fuss about us going somewhere together?!" he scoffs harshly. "How possessive."

"Ever so self-aware, Koo," you roll your eyes, prompting him to examine you with earnest confusion.

"What do you mean? I happen to be extremely self-aware!"

"And jealous and possessive not to mention overly protect-"

"This is not shit on me day," he flicks your forehead, interrupting the long laundry list you've had simmering on the backburner for months now. The most annoying thing about Jungkook, and you don't tell him this, was that he managed to make those qualities a point of problem you closed your eyes upon.

"Well, of course, that's on Wednesday," rubbing the sore spot, you gruff, watching him down a sizeable chicken drumstick with no problem whatsoever. The already dour expression grows worse, forehead creasing into rows upon rows of deeply etched wrinkles. You smile to yourself. You knew he would like this place.

"Why did you never like them?" you question curiously after a moment of relative peace in which you'd been prodding disinterestedly at the chocolate mousse. "You're both quite alike actually."

"Yeah, but I actually lo-" he stops in midsentence, eyes stretching wide and for the lack of better term he does look like a deer caught in headlights - staring, absolutely frightened in front of him and not daring to move.

"Anyway, break up with them," he suddenly continues coolly as though nothing ever happened. "Write it in the sky if needed, I'll sponsor the event."

"You're so heinous," you mutter though he is right and the break up text clanging around your skull like a broken teleprompter has been nagging you enough. You'll break up. You want to do so.

"I don't share," he chews on the chicken, frowning full force. "What's mine is mine."

© soraviie, 2023

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts x reader #bts x you #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #jin x reader #jin x you #hoseok x reader #hoseok x you #jimin x reader #jimin x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts reaction #bts scenario #bts angst #bts f2l

[harleehazbinfics]

HOME IS WHERE MY HEART IS. (S1 FINALE)

Chapter 12: Our Deal Table of Contents | Profile

Word Count: 1400+ A/N: 😭 we're already done!! thank you sm for being part of the journey hngh, it's insane how much this blog has grown despite it just me spitting out random scenarios, this was my first series here. so im grateful to each and every one that has come with me in the process. every heart, comment and reblog made me happy. please enjoy the s1 finale! I'll be over my other works doing stuff so you can check them out here: link

“I need you to stay here,” I say holding Abby’s shoulders, “We can’t risk you getting caught in the crossfire. Promise me.”

She furrows here brows before nodding, “I understand.”

“Good,” I say firmly before kissing her cheek, “I love you so much.”

“Stay safe, mom,” she encourages with a smile.

I return it and give her crystal orb. “Here, you can have this. This can help you see what’s going on outside.”

She accepts and immediately inspects it. Her fingers brushing on the screen seeing her mother’s face in the orb as she was in real time. I gave a smile which was transmitted to the orb instantly. She slides on the orb one more time to her father, attending the speech Charlie was speaking. She hid it with the use of her powers and gives me one final hug.

“Dear, why don’t you join the other’s downstairs? You should get to know them better now that you decided on staying,” Alastor joins us and holds my waist with one hand and his microphone in the other.

“Oh! Right!” she enthusiastically runs down the hall and disappears.

“Gosh, where does she get that energy from,” I comment holding my cheek, feeling tired just looking at her. “That definitely wasn’t from me.”

Alastor laughs and gives me a kiss on the cheek before we follow after her slowly. He says this instead of answering, “As long as she’s happy that’s fine!”

I roll my eyes playfully at him and gazed at the group that gathered around the bar. I spot Abby holding a glass of orange juice trying to get closer to Cherri. I laugh at her actions, of course she chooses the coolest one to be her friend.

“Hi! I’m Abigail! You can just call me Abby,” she introduces holding out her hand.

“Uhh, sup? Name’s Cherri,” the pinkette answers reluctantly shaking her hand.

“Pleasure to meet you! We’ve met before but I never caught your name,” Abby asks the arachnid.

“Angel Dust. Angel’s fine, toots. Orange juice? What are you? 5?” Angel asks not exactly mocking her, but genuine confused by her choice.

“I’ve tried liquor before but it’s just not for me,” she replies not even bothered that she just got slighted.

“Fair enough,” Angel shrugs before walking to the bar to talk to Husk.

“So, uhh, your dad’s the radio demon?” Cherri asks trying to be polite.

“Indeed!” Abby answers enthusiastically, “We haven’t seen each other since I was a kid though.”

“Oh, why? What happened?” Cherri asks placing her drink down.

“He—uhh died when I was younger and by the time I was 15 I only had a few memories that I remember of him.”

“Oh shit. What about your mom though?”

“Mom also died when I was 14. So, I was on my own for a time in my life.”

“Well, at least we survived that shit. To being orphans!” Cherri exclaims raising her glass to Abby.

“Hurray?!” Abby panics confused and clinked their glasses together before doing the same as Cherri who downed her drink.

Alastor and I laugh while Niffty crawls on the railing between us.

“Ah, the celebratory night before a courageous last stand. It's been a surprising thrill to witness these wayward souls find connection. Almost makes one sentimental, eh, Niffty?”

 “I really like them, Alastor. They let me put on roach puppet shows without booing!” she replies enthusiastically, while I watched the two talk with a smile on my face.

“Ah, an enjoyable collective to be around. I admit one could get accustomed,” he sighs looking back down at them, particularly at Abby who was getting along with them quite well.

“I dub thee, King Roach,” NIffty proclaimed, putting on a bug crown on Alastor which he let her do and gave her a little bow.

“Oh, to understand your twisted little mind!” he comments before they started cackling where Alastor just played along with her. It made me sentimental of how he used to play house and have tea parties with Abby way back when.

Niffty scampers off with the other giving me the space and scoot over to him. “Will you be okay handling Adam?” I asked worriedly.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll be as careful as can. I’m not going to lose to him that easily,” he snorts, “You, however, I need you to back to me in one piece.”

I sighed and reminded him, “I think you forgot our deal, Al. I won’t exist if you don’t.”

He falls silent and tries to think. While I continue and place my hand on his chest, “You own my heart and my everything. This body beats for two. United as one, in sickness and in health—”

“Til’ death do us part,” we finish together. He wordlessly encases me in his arms and fall into a comfortable silence.

--timeskip

“Here they come. Get ready, everyone. We fight together!”

“Now! FOR YOUR SOULS!”

“Let's FUCK THEM UP!”

Alastor and I waited for them at the top of the hotel, watching as the angels begin their assault.

“Let the slaughter begin. AHAHAHAHAHAHA-HA!” Alastor yells swinging his microphone, summoning a black force field around us.

I left him and dove all the way from the rooftop and phasing to the floor, allowing me to transform into my giant demon form. With a terrifying grin and half lidded eyes that craved for chaos, I let out a shriek causing everyone to cover their ear giving Alastor to cut down the angels.

I raise my left and clenched it into a fist encasing every angel that aimed for me in a bubble immobilizing them, leaving them to Angel to shoot down. In that moment, Alastor’s shield disappeared leaving the silhouette of Adam with a sadistic smile.

He lounges for me while I only swiped him away with my hand causing him to tumble and crash on top of the hotel where Alastor was waiting for him. I left them and focused on helping the others, summoning my underlings to help the others.

After a while of killing angels, their numbers didn’t seem to waver making me curse under my breath feeling the weight of prolonging this fight for so long. I let out a pained shriek collapsing on myself and transforming back to my original form.

‘Shit. Is Alastor ok? What the hell happened?’ I thought starting to get delirious with the pain.

“MILEDY NO!”

“SUCK MY HOLY LIGHT, FUCKERS! YEAH!” Adam yells over our heads making me glare at him.

“What? Alastor was supposed to handle him. Oh no, he must be—”

White noise fills my ears as my vision starts to fail me leaving me in an unconscious state, where the last thing I see was tendrils wrapping around me.

---later

“Dad!”

“Alastor!!”

Everyone hugs him seeing his return that he was safe, however they fail to spot Miledy with him.

“Dad… Where’s mom?” Abby asks worried, trying to calm herself before she goes crazy looking for her mom.

“She’s fine. Just resting,” he assures giving his daughter a smile. ‘She has to be,’ he thought furrowing his brows before following the others.

<<flashback>>

“Al!” I scream getting away from an exorcist that was after me. She pushes me down and attempts to stab my chest. As soon as the steel met my skin, a tendril pushes her off me. I screamed as I see a large cut, opening up my chest. I watch mortified as I see my own beating heart.

“Miledy!”

Alastor rushes to me and knelt beside me. I hold onto him tightly confused and afraid, “Al, where are we? I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared!”

His breathing stutters and tries to answer her, his eyes knit together and wore a frown. “It’s okay, you’re okay. I need to save you. You have to make a deal with me, Mel.”

I nodded my head despite not knowing anything he was saying. I just wanted to get out of here and be with him. Explain things to me carefully without my life being endangered and on the run.

“Mel, you will have to give your heart to me. So that no one will find your weakness, this is to keep you alive. Do we have a deal?” Alastor says to me seriously a faint green light emanating from him and his outstretched hand.

I nodded vehemently and shook his hand, “Deal.”

TAGLIST:

@marxo5, @whaatttlaufey, @froggybich

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin lucifer #hazbin husk #hazbin vaggie #alastor x reader #alastor #the radio demon #alastor the radio demon #alastor x oc #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbinhotel #home is where my heart is #hiwmhi #harleehazbinfic

[roomsofangel]

CHAPTER SEVEN

the act of holding on and letting go .ᐟ

wc 1.1k

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated!

chapter warnings metaphor of torture. hint/talk of depression and suicidal ideation without it fully being expressed outright. y/n learns their feelings were manipulated at one point.

other with the further we get into this — the more warnings that will be more prominent — the lore and y/n uncovering everything alongside the way they all handle / go about things aren’t exactly what a healthy person would immediately go towards. ( and maybe, that one line you read in a previous chapter that didn’t seem like much, was actually a key thing for a later time x )

other 2.0 bringing my forever first baby back! i tagged those who i can remember asking to be on the taglist but no hard feelings if you want to be removed! i just deeply missed this series and it’s nowhere near done so i want to bring it back to finish it! at the moment, the masterlist was taken down so i’m in the process of redoing it so its not linked! however, click here to be directed to my old blog and the intro for this work! it’s all my work, i just moved over when that blog got shadowbanned!

“you’re absolutely fucking insane if you think i’d just sit here after hearing the stunt he pulled—“

seonghwa’s pitch and tone could make any grown man cower into submission, tears swelled up in their eyes while asking if he wanted them to bleed on his shoes or in his hands, seonghwa stared ahead focusing on hongjoong who was only speechless — how could you run into the arms that put you in harms way?

well, if he looked at it through an outsider point of view, that’s what you did with seonghwa constantly.

something told hongjoong you didn’t go to san with seductive undertones, that just wasn’t you. in every life, you still held the same morals. it was something he knew would never change.

“why did they go?” seonghwa’s voice began to lower, softly raspy when his emotions began fully processing, allowing himself to sit on the armrest chair and put his head in his hands, pushing his hair out of his face that draped over his forehead, “was it my fault?”

hongjoong shook his head, “though, i really want to say it is,” he coughed, attempting to cover the laugh he wanted to let out because he knew it wasn’t a comedic matter. “has anyone seen them?” he changed the subject, his skin crawling with unease after noticing the suffocating silence with himself and seonghwa in his living room

“besides san?” seonghwa sneered, fixing his posture before standing, dusting off imaginary dirt from his clothes, “i have to pay a visit to cupid,” he scoffed

hongjoong followed alongside, “something tells me this isn’t a usual business call,” he amused while catching up with seonghwa’s pace who made his way to the door, swiftly grabbing his car keys that hung from the wall storage hooks, “san knows all about those.”

seonghwa stopped for a moment, glancing over his shoulder to shake his head, though, his small peeking smile showed he found the reference amusing — opening the door, he swallowed his nerves.

he wanted to trust you. but how could he when you were surrounded by people he didn’t?

‎

‎

‎

‎

the room was cold, goosebumps illuminating each part of your skin that was more exposed than the other — you curled up on the couch with a heavy weighted blanket and a mug of hot chocolate — wooyoung only seemed to have a sweet taste, everything he owned in the food department was a major hint at his severe sweet tooth

you learned wooyoung was the god of love — though, most humans knew him as cupid despite some not fully believing on his reliability and existence, he seemed warm and inviting. he made sure you changed clothes and let you keep the dagger you swiped, clutched next to you.

it didn’t make sense that wooyoung was considered an enemy.

recalling san saying he met wooyoung however, had alarms going off in your head — what was his involvement? san never elaborated on the so called help.

but it was enough for him to be punished. how did you die the first time?

“if you keep frowning like that you’ll have wrinkles,” wooyoung prompted, taking a seat across from you with a strawberry cupcake in his hand, “at least, that’s what humans say — i never had any.”

you scoffed, biting back your laugh, “how lucky you must be.”

he nodded, smiling, “i mean, yn, i’m stuck as twenty three forever,” he kept a light hearted tone and facade, but you saw through it.

his eyes screamed of something you could recall as despair — desperate for an ending, he was tired. anyone with two eyes that struggled with choosing if they should stay or go, could see he was holding on by a thread.

because right now, wooyoung may have had the brightest smile — but you saw he also had the most saddest eyes.

“how did you get involved in this?” you asked, tone soft — you hoped you didn’t overstep a boundary, but wooyoung looked back at you with understanding

clearing his throat, “san told you he came to me, didn’t he?” he amused

you nodded in response.

“it was inevitable really, if san didn’t drag me in, one of the others would’ve,” he sighed, cleaning his fingers with his lips and tongue from the frosting excess of the cupcake he finished, “i felt bad for him, he was desperate for love and specifically from you.”

frowning, heart swelling, you knew if you were going to get the full story, you had to get your hands dirty and go to those who were all involved

it wasn’t smart in a sense — but with everyone telling different sides and their point of views, it was your job to pin point the consistency and bring it altogether.

for your final life.

‎‎

‎

“seonghwa is looking for you,” wooyoung mentioned, helping you wash the dishes — his eyes glancing to the side you resided, wet rag in hand focusing on the mug you drank from, “i can feel he’ll be here soon,” he frowned

“with hongjoong.”

your eyes lifted, attention gained fully, “do you know how long it’ll be?”

wooyoung shook his head, “i just wanted to tell you, give a heads up,” he pressed his lips together

you could see he was holding back, the same expression of wanting to say more than he was — was evident — you understood it all too well, that was your constant default.

words left unsaid.

“tell me what you want to, wooyoung,” you turned to face him

defeated, he smiled, “you made me feel human today, y/n,” his cheeks flushed and he looked away from you, “domestic even,” he teased which earned a small laugh from you

“i don’t know if i like it yet, but it’s not a bad feeling,” he briefed, finishing the last dish, “i just… want this with someone in particular..”

now this.

this was something you didn’t expect to hear.

“is it okay if i ask who?”

wooyoung laughed, “just as nosy as me, huh?” teasing, he cleared his throat and the amusement he held faded, recognizing the one thing you noticed, wanting the one thing you could never have.

“it’ll never happen, he’s been chasing after the same person for centuries,” he shook his head, “i can be blamed though.”

“i always helped him.”

then it made sense.

if wooyoung helped someone else, you weren’t aware of such — but something told you, whoever you thought of — was that person.

“why stay?” you asked

wooyoung contemplated on admitting it, tears swelling in his eyes before he whispered, “anything is better than being alone again, y/n.”

‎

‎

‎

you sat outside the porch, the talk with wooyoung left the two of you with overwhelming emotions — they weren’t directed at each other, but towards the confession and why wooyoung even got involved.

giving him time to adjust himself, you let wooyoung shower while you stared up at the full moon that shined down on you, appearing to slowly fade— nostalgic, you smiled.

you don’t know how long you had been staying with wooyoung, assuming half a night — at least, until the sunrise.

swallowing your nerves, you attempted to gather the information you received.

san didn’t give you an exact timeline but something told you he knew — you’d gather that later.

hongjoong and you had already been best friends — every life.

seonghwa was never meant to be your lover but somehow always made it happen.

and wooyoung helped san with you.

your expressions showed your progress and you couldn’t help but audibly gasp, “that fucking asshole.”

my yn never let a man control them.

“what a hypocrite you are, choi san,” you bitterly whispered under your breath

before you could stand and let wooyoung know you should be heading out soon, your nose twitched and felt a hand wrap around your wrist to pull you back

“yn, you have explaining to do.”

PREVIOUS . . MASTERLIST . . NEXT

taglist (open)

@onedumbho3 @chngbnwf

#. . ꯭ ☥˚━╋ lavender blood! #park seonghwa fic #ateez fic #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez writing #ateez au #ateez ff #park seonghwa writing #park seonghwa angst #park seonghwa fanfic #park seonghwa au #park seonghwa oneshot #park seonghwa imagines #park seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa smut #park seonghwa #mythology au #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa

[that-wildwolf]

ok "shakarian is space royai" is the most galaxy-brained take i've ever heard please say more

Shakarian is space Royai. Shakarian is just Royai but in space. It's the same dynamic. (Not exactly the same, mind you, but so extremely close that it makes me go feral a little bit whenever I think about it.) It's about the trust about the vulnerability about the "you watch my back you can shoot me in the back I trust you to shoot me in the back" vs the "you trust me to watch your back that is the most precious thing to me you trust me to shoot you in the back I would never shoot you in the back". It's the sniper with extensive burn scars on their body x their extremely tired commanding officer who may or may not have committed war crimes but chooses kindness over everything in the end. It's the fucking PTSD, the tenderness in the face of an end-of-all-organic-life scenario, the "don't go where I can't follow" / "there's no Shepard without Vakarian". It's the being an unstoppable unit on the field when they're together. It's the shared trauma and the shared gentleness. Also Garrus is soooo Riza coded, even down to the fixing/modding their guns, the parallels just don't stop, whenever he calls Shepard "Commander" I just see Riza's "Colonel". Did I mention the sniper and the burn scars and the insane loyalty to their CO. Garrus Vakarian is space Riza Hawkeye, and it's so beautiful, really, then, that Shepard is space Roy Mustang. Which, yes, makes Shakarian space Royai. Mic drop.

I made another post that I'm too tired to link but imma just reblog it so it's under this one 😅

#wild answers things #shakarian #royai #shakarian is space royai #i dont make the rules its royai in space

[koqabear]

Hmmm, I'm really into fantasy. As for groups, I stan a lot (probably too many), so you could recommend any 😭

Also, what do you mean?!😭 Your personality is just so 💜💜💜!! Like I have never admired a stranger so much in my entire life 😭😭😭

-Lvlee

hi loveee !! so as it turns out,,, making a rec list is very hard. very. i've read a lot less fics than i thought omg (which is why all the ones i listed are on the older side LMAO), so i am here with some txt and bts recs 😭 they're mostly supernatural/fantasy, but you can always check out my main blog (@/michipan) if you wanna see anything else!

also 🫠 please.... im sobbing rn u are the cutest ever </3 i am nothing but a silly little normal person i promise

to anyone who decides to check out these recs, pleeeeaaase support the authors!! please im genuinely begging you!!! leave a little review and a reblog and show them love bc they're amazing <3

BTS Recs

☆ Beastly Gods by @lemonjoonah

✧ hybrid!taehyung x fem!reader x ???

wc: 8K // genre: hybrid au, thirller, drama, smut, potentially dark and triggering content so read the warnings carefully!

Summary: ‘Don’t leave the forest,’ a rule that you’ve been forced to follow since birth, but you are tired of living in this wooden cage. Out of desperation you cut a deal with Taehyung, who claims to be the only one who can get you out safely, even though he might be just as dangerous as the god you’re trying to escape.

sol's personal notes:

oh. my. GOD. this was one of the first few fics i read when i joined this site, and it's literally stuck with me ever since. i can't say too much about it without spoiling it, but the worldbuilding and pacing was just. immaculate. the storyline is so well done and just. everything about it is perfection omg. there's another part that goes along with this story, but i can't link it bc ofc... spoilers 😖i wish i had more to say about this fic, but i read it years ago and forgot to write a review for it T_T

☆ Treasure by @sombreboy

✧ faerie dragon hybrid!jimin x fem!reader

wc: 4.7K // genre: pwp smut, hybrid, yandere, fairytale, again potentially dark and triggering content so read the warnings carefully!

Summary: Jimin loves to collect sparkly riches and playthings. You just happen to be the next treasure that ignited his obsessive desires.

sol's personal notes:

(fucking explodes into a million pieces) i can't. i had to reread this story real quick to get a refresher on it and just. jimin's character in this is literally so perfect and mischievous and evil!! and i love it... <3 he is characterized so well and the descriptions are just so well done... ouuu i just read over the smut again and i teared up a little. the dialogue is genuinely so insane im not normal abt this fic sorry.

TXT Recs

☆ the prince and the jackal by @gyuluster

✧ prince!beomgyu x woodcutter!metalbender!reader

wc: 11.8k // genre: fantasy au, fluff

Summary:  in the Kingdom of Terrae, you, a metalbender, believe in the deforestation to modernise the land. As a member of the Lumberjackals, you thrive on cutting down trees and stealing resources until you get caught by the Crown Prince, Choi Beomgyu, a lover and embodiment of the nature you wish to destroy. However, instead of imprisoning you for your crimes, Beomgyu decides to show you the beauty and wonders of nature, leaving you to doubt your beliefs, your identity, and your very feelings for the certain boy determined to change you for the better.

sol's personal notes:

unfortunately the author is no longer active on this account (💔💔💔💔) but like. this story literally changed my brain chemistry i dont think you guys understand. it's been so long since i read this but even so, it lives on in my mind... the world building and characters are so well done and from what i remember, beomgyu's character was literally so charming T_T such a pretty story, i might go reread this bc like... the fantasy was executed so well and i love me a good royalty au <3 not to mention the whole concept of the powers is so cool!

☆ Swimmin' in a Mirror by @bangchanswolfpelt

✧ soobin x2 x fem!reader (stay with me here)

wc: 2.5K // genre: magical school au (not a harry potter au) smut

Summary unavailable.

sol's personal notes:

this one's like a whole 180 from the last fic LMAO but GOOD GOD. this author isn't active anymore from what i know of but like. they were literally revolutionary and this fic is just. never seen anything like this before but )#%(&#%??? it's genuinely so impressive how they managed to pull this off alkghadg so hot so insane so creative

☆ that's the spirit! by @agustdiv1ne

✧ sixth sense/ ghost hunter! soobin x fem!reader

wc: 14.6K // genre: high school au, fluff, angst, some elements of horror

Summary: a couple weeks before halloween, you find the quiet boy from your high school staring up into your bedroom. you're a little creeped out, and miles more scared, but then he shows you something that changes how you see, well, everything.

sol's personal notes:

are we surprised. i don't think so. i literally never shut up about this fic ever like i'm such a sucker for unique stories and this is definitely one of them! the pacing, supernatural elements, and environment was written sooo well, and the worldbuilding and explanations that comes along with the plot is so perfectly executed and well thought out. such a cool story, with a banger playlist to go along with it :]

☆ Dirty Little Secret by @petrichor-han

✧ vampire! yeonjun x gn!witch!reader

wc: 4.0K // genre: angst, dark fantasy, vampire!au, witch!au, enemies to lovers

Summary: yeonjun is one of prince seungmin’s most trusted bodyguards. born as a low-class vampire, he worked his way to the top and is proud of his accomplishments, beginning to adapt his friends’ classist mindsets and forgetting where he came from. but when his brothers come to visit one day, exposing his poor ancestry, everyone turns against him except for one: a lowly servant whom he’d picked on in the past—you.

sol's personal notes:

are you kidding me. DARK FANTASY. yeah that's literally all it took for me to fall in love with this story; the imagery is beautiful and the storytelling is so heart wrenching and good and i am literally clawing at the bars of my enclosure rn btw. this fic is sososo good and i'd literally kill to get another morsel from this universe !

⭒⭒⭒

✧ again, make sure to show all these lovely authors some love!! if any of you manage to see this (unlikely. for the most part) i literally cherish these stories sm and would literally die for them idcidc u guys truly made some masterpieces over here ✧

#i'd definitely like to read more fics #i just never have the time anymore... #it's getting difficult writing as it is lmao #but anyways #i hope you like these >w< #they are my favs #lvlee anon! #koqabear asks #rambles

[cleolinda]

Weekend links

My posts

My young nephew is the family member in the hospital that I mentioned. You may remember him from the time he said whichever perfume "smelled like raspberries or being in a dungeon like down in a well." He has a bad case of pneumonia, and I've been going in to visit him; he's going to be in there a while. That's the news with us this week.

Reblogs of interest

On the heels of Trans Day of Remembrance--

"The Trans Pride Centre – the UK’s only trans-focused center run by trans people – will have to close its doors for good unless it raises £27,500 to keep it open to provide vital support services for the trans and non-binary community"

Probably the most powerful juxtaposition of poem and cause I have ever seen

Please tell the children about Project Gutenberg and LibriVox

How to keep following people when a major social platform implodes

"fucking adhd. I have to run a con on my own brain to get anything done" (can confirm)

A collection of motivational insights regarding content creation and creative hobbies

"Me dying with an exclamation point so the main character knows to interact with my body"

Hunger Games discourse

"A new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler"

"Literally nothing could have prepared me for this cake"

I lik the damned

"the antidote to negativity is not positivity, it's warmth"

Video

Was this in Caesar a flex? Honestly just fantastic.

A new big (dog) brother on his best behavior

A cat with comic timing

A bat razzle-dazzles

It fucken wimdy, dog edition

The sacred texts

Me getting up in the morning like

Personal tag of the week

Gotta hit you with art once again

#weekend links #odds and ends #linkspam

[the-orangeauthor]

You know I haven’t done one of these in ages because everything was going well but now, I am about to be completely broke for the next month. I used all my savings and I borrowed money to pay for my tuition fees and borrowed some more for personal expenses (food and travel) since I won’t be paid until the 8th of May and that too I will only be paid about £380, if my manager doesn’t decide to reduce the pay for my side project, and I have already borrowed £400+ .

I may be able to pay some back in instalments but I owe £200 upfront and whatever is left over will barely pay for the months travel to and from work and uni. My PCOS is also on a rampage and I am buying up sanity products at an insane rate.

So all of that is a long winded way to remind you all that I am open to commissions for odd ends of work, that includes:

Map making (via inkarnate) which is great for worldbuilding needs

Transcribing handwritten notes to digital documents

Book cover making (via Canva)

Line editing manuscripts

I’m also a very highly experienced science tutor for GCSE science and can provide tutoring and/or topic summary notes

Donations are not necessary, but if you don’t want a commission but want to donate and donate more than $3/£3 then you can receive a PDF copy of my book, daughter or the dragon!

This is the link to my Fiverr or if you don’t want to sign up to it to place an order you can contact me directly and payment will be taken via PayPal (half up front half on delivery).

I really just need to cover travel expenses the most since it all adds up really quick throughout the week but I can’t not go to uni or it jeopardises my thesis / experiments that I just spent my bottom dollar paying for 😅 . Please don’t feel pressured to donate or buy a commission but please reblog if you can ❤️.

#anmol speaks #fiverr #maps #commissions #inkarnate #I appreciate every reblog #❤️❤️

[bits-and-babs]

-ˋˏ ULTRAVIOLENCE ˎˊ-

laters-gators 6k followers celebration

I cannot believe that we’ve hit a huge milestone again so early. For this event to come at a time where I really needed a pick me up means the world. 6,000 of you little people out there follow me to see my words on your phone/tablet/computer screens, all because you like them. That’s insane to me!

As a token of appreciation, we’re back at it again with a follower celebration! This is a way for me to say thank you!

before we begin, some rules: (Read these carefully or your ask will be deleted!)

➸ Reblog to spread the word! ➸ Please see my inbox rules and who I write for before sending in asks. ➸ You can send in as many asks as you want, but some events will be restricted to non-anons only!

➸ This inbox for this event is open now! I will begin posting on the 24th! Inbox closes on the 26th ❤︎

❤︎ THIS EVENT HAS NOW CLOSED ❤︎

how to send an ask:

The inbox for this event is open now! To participate in this event, please send an ask via the link here, or the ‘Tell Me Something Sweet’ button at the top of my blog, and set out the ask with the corresponding emoji at the start. It makes my life much easier this way!:

“ 🐺 - Blue Jeans. ”

“ ☁️ - 29: ‘Thigh Riding’ with Marc Spector. ”

“ 🗝 - Joel Miller and Teacher!AU!”

open to everyone:

➸ Blue Bannisters [🗝]: Send me a character and a concept/aesthetic and I will make a mood board with a 100 word drabble.

➸ Chemtrails Over The Country Club [🐺]: Send me a Lana Del Rey song and I'll write a drabble with the character it most reminds me of!

➸ Lust For Life [⛓]: Send me any word and I will send you a paragraph from my WIPs that contains that word - if there are any! Choose wisely!

➸ Honeymoon [🐚]: send me the link to a fic you have written and I will tell you my favourite parts and lines!

➸ Norman Fucking Rockwell [☁️]: send me a number from this smut dialogue prompt list here and a character of your choice and I will write a drabble!

open to non-anons:

➸ Ultraviolence [💿]: Send me a number from this smut prompt list here and a character of your choice and I will write a drabble!

➸ Born To Die [🎙️]: Send me your favourite song and I'll ship you with one of my Blorbos!

Event Masterlist:

➸ Blue Bannisters [🗝]:

Nat 20 || D&D!Matt the Radar Tech

Oklahoma Smokeshow || CountryCowboy!Joel Miller

The Reckoning Begins || Gunslinger!Mills

100 On The Dash || F1 Principle!Enzo Ferrari

On the Wild Side || SafariTourGuide!Mills

Precious Metals || TreasureHunter!Mills

➸ Chemtrails Over The Country Club [🐺]:

The Other Woman (Duke Leto Atreides)

Dark Paradise [coming soon...]

Blue Jeans (Mills)

Honeymoon (Joel Miller)

Not All Who Wander Are Lost (Ezra (Prospect))

➸ Norman Fucking Rockwell [☁️]:

Din Djarin || “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

Frank Castle || “Are you going to eye-fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?”

Javier Pena || "I'm gonna fuck you so good that you forget you ever even met that asshole"

Joel Miller || “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.” ❤︎ “Show me how you like to be touched.”

Joel Miller || "There's no way I'm gonna let you wear that in public."

Joel Miller || “Do you think you deserve my cock right now?”

Joel Miller || “Look what you’ve done to me. I’ve had to deal with this all day.”

Leto Atreides || “Pay attention to me or I’ll make you.”

Shane ‘Dio’ Morrisey || “Did you miss feeling me around you so much that you’ve resorted to your hand?”

Steven Grant || “Your nipples are so sensitive today…”

Commander Mills || “Fuck me like a starved animal or leave.”

Commander Mills || “Your pussy tastes so sweet.”

➸ Ultraviolence [💿]:

Commander Mills || Drenched

Joel Miller || Frisk-y

tagging a few mutuals who may be interested (you can ignore if you like!): @foxilayde ❤︎ @nexusnyx ❤︎ @psychedelic-ink ❤︎@inklore ❤︎ @charnelhouse ❤︎ @writefightandflightclub

#✩‧₊˚ 6k follower celebration ˚₊‧✩ #follower celebration #6k followers #08.03.2023

[sophierequests]

the garden // sophie's 500 followers celebration

500 followers?? are y'all insane?? i literally don't know what else to say to that. thank you all so much for following me and reading what i write! i love reading your reblogs, comment and interacting with you, it genuinely means so much to me <3

i have another event in the works, but i'll put in on hold for this lovely little celebration!

rules: literally anyone can participate, it doesn't matter whether you are one of my long-time moots, a follower or whether you just found my fics in the tags and enjoy reading them! feel free to spam me with as many requests as you'd like, i promise you i don't care, but please make sure that every request is sent via a different message. please don't send me two or more requests in the same ask! also, drabbles will take me a little bit of time, so maybe consider sending in some of the other asks too <3

this celebration starts on the 6th of march and ends on the 14th of march!

🦊 nothing at all - send me your favourite song and a grishaverse character of your choice and i'll write a short drabble about it (can be x reader but it doesn't have to be)!

🍃 pretty little things - ask games! i have never done them before but i want to try it so bad (e.g. cym, fuck, marry, kill, whatever you can come up with really) → these asks aren't only limited for the grishaverse, but every fandom i'm in!

🦔 can't go back - send me a character and a scenario or your headcanons about that character and i'll make a moodboard out of it!

🌿 i talk in my sleep - send me your ideal idea of a first date and some facts about yourself (name/nickname, favourite pastry, favourite song, random fun facts etc.) and i'll ship you with a character and write a short drabble about them → please specify your sexuality, pronouns and whether the ship is supposed to be romantic or platonic!

🦌 down the river - send me your favourite aesthetic (e.g. cottagecore, dark academia etc.) and i'll assign you a song out of my favourite song playlist!

🌷 not the ghost - send me a link to one of your fics and let me gush over it and point out my favourite lines (fandom doesn't matter, neither does the word count)!

🦋 turn out the lights - send me a number and i'll post a little snippet from one of my wips

my lovely moots:

@brekkers-desigirl @writingmysanity @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @ell0ra-br3kk3r @juneberrie @velvetarcane @maximoffgxrl @factionlessrebel @dellabearry @yesshewrites1 @freddycarterswife @maliciousbrekker @futurecorps3 @rowritesstuff @hufflesight @spaceagebachelormann @zaypay @jahayla-parker @pregnant-piggy @nyxxxxxxxx @vamp-rom-stuff @grimbanes @the-lonewriter

#— the garden celebration #kaz brekker x reader #nikolai lantsov x reader #inej ghafa x reader #jesper fahey x reader

[visualnovelzombie]

Furry Visual Novel Book Club: Echo Week 11 SPOILERS

Hi everyone, here is the SPOILER discussion post for “Echo - Leo’s Thursday and Friday”

Links: Previous - Next - Original - Spoiler Free Version

Feel free to respond in reblogs/replies/or asks :D

We start Thursday with Chase and Leo driving down the road, the two finally learning what happened to Carl. The ram was in the crawlspace left to wander about without Chase spending the night with him. Chase and Leo discuss Chase’s project, the two chiding to each other the merit of college in the process.

RANT: If you think Leo is a hard-line Republican/Trumper and use this part ‘evidence’, you can’t fucking read. Even without Howly’s Trump statement re:Leo retraction, that’s a VERY fucking different thing in 2016 and has a LOT of context. This liberal thing is literally Leo lashing out at his own failings/fall to pressure from his father, as well as his irrational anger over Pueblo ‘stealing’ Chase from him. This is the second time Leo expressed interest in College in someway, and is regurgitating hate/ignorant speech as a coping mechanism. Please learn to read and not just fucking meme.

They plan to meet with TJ later to make up for bailing on him Tuesday, and discuss filming out the rail-yard in the meantime. The scene changes to the rail-yard, the track ‘Oldwinds’ playing, a rustic American Western piece.

Insane Posting: Okay add this to my Samuel x Chase ship folder, lets go people lets go!

Chase films the rail-yard while Leo fetches water bottles, until eventually the rustling of grass startles Chase.

Okay now this is interesting in a ‘meta’ lore sense. So this is obviously some kind of supernatural being. Something fucking with Chase. I don’t think there’s enough evidence to say what yet, even Socketman right here and right now doesn’t track to much. But more importantly it’s described as dragging, similar to the ‘slithering’. I think this gives more credence that the entity that chases after Carl and Chase in Carl’s route isn’t necessarily the entity that stalks Sam and Chase in the Murder Pitt. Maybe it’s just how some/all of the entities move on a physical space.

While trying to find the source of the sound, Leo arrives on the scene, scaring Chase.

Everyone bullies my poor otter boy... and that makes him kinnie

Come Over begins to play as Chase asks Leo how he made the dragging noise, to which Leo acts completely clueless to. Distracted by Chase’s stomach, the two end up flirting with each other, rubbing and admiring each other’s body.

Another reference to Route 65, the two sharing another moment together in this place that means... everything to them. They’re begging, end... and beginning of the end. Chase’s ‘Sunset Station’ if you will.

They kiss gently… at first. The sudden shock encouraging them to make out more fully. Before the two can continue, Kudzu shows up, catching the two in their PDA. The track changes to Neutral as the conversation shifts. The raccoon teases the pair but otherwise partakes in casual conversion with them afterwards. Leo thanks the raccoon for helping the two last night, the track Quiet playing as the conversation shifts. Kudzu warns Leo that Clint is being more violent and the pair should avoid him. Leo becomes more and more agitated at the insinuation that Clint threatened Chase.

Sidenote: AWOOGA. Thank you Howly, Based God, for including full muzzle wolf kisses in Latino Wolf simulator route. Truly a visionary ahead of his time.

Chase changes the conversation topic, inviting Kudzu to the park with the pair and TJ. The group pick up TJ off screen and on route to a park in Payton, we learn that Chase isn’t a good swimmer when compared to other otters. Closer to the park itself, Chase and TJ talk in the backseat, the lynx admitting to Chase that he felt like the trip was a mistake, and he felt like he shouldn’t have come. 

Chase very literally ignoring everyone for his and Leo’s sake again. Also more of the coldness Chase generally has towards TJ... more ‘evidence’ the Chase we see on that Route isn’t fully him IMO. This definitely calls into question how good of a friend Chase is, and if anything how Leo and Chase treat everyone else when they’re together is the most outright toxic and rude thing they do with each other that is probably harder to ‘fix’ than most things.

…Before the mood can shit to much the group arrives at the field, dividing the teams for a match of soccer.

TJ completely dominates the game and the group laugh about the imbalance in players. As the group prepare to leave, Chase and Kudzu have a moment to themselves to talk. Chase apologies for being racist and the conversation turns cold, with Kudzu hinting at something heavy happening to the him whilst in Payton.

The scene cuts to later, with Chase returning to the rail-yard for more footage.

Two important things here that are back to back. Chase literally goes out of his way to make the town look WORSE than it already his. His mind is so poisoned and made up about the place, that he’ll make sure everyone else feels the same way. Poising his own-well and all that.

As Leo’s motif/time of day is the setting sun, this is also a ‘foreshadow’ or hint towards what’s coming. No matter what happens with Leo... it has to end. They’re to far gone in their delusion and lack of communication to fix things. The Sun WILL set on the two... Bittersweet and all.

Clint wanders into the rail-yard while on a walk, eventually noticing Chase. He’s high on something and doesn’t remember the night before. Chase notices he has a gun in his pocket and tries to keep him calm..Clint talks to Chase, ignorant but not completely hateful… at least to being gay itself. and gives his perspective on Leo.

We get more of Leo’s anger and rage here. Leo took out his feelings, and continues to do so, by bullying those weaker than him. Clint not having a place to relax or be himself, with his home life dominated by his abusive father, and social life dominated by Leo... the ringtail ended up ‘worse’ arguably because of Leo. While child-selfishness and anger and Echo’s general ability to ramp up negative emotions, even outside of the Hysteria, is definitely call to ‘shield’ Leo, Chase and the audience is finally starting to learn that there’s an anger and darkness deeper down that we’ve been shown so far.

Clint seemingly threatens Chase with a gun, demanding to know why he’s out here. Chase calms him down by referencing his camera, and Clint tells Chase a story about someone dying the in 50’s hopping trains. Clint reveals his father would always tell him that story, and that sometimes he sees the man in it, even purposely coming to the rail-yard to see him at times. Clint walks off afterwards and Chase hurries back to Leo’s house.

When Chase arrives, Leo is eating a TV Dinner, having ‘cooked’ one for Chase as well. Chase asks Leo if the wolf ‘bullied’ Clint, and Leo almost admits to it… before the cheapness of the TV dinner causes the two to jokingly tease each other back and forth it with, the two man-handling each other on the couch as a result.

Insane Posting: Hi, my local goon cave called and they requested both of these go up on the wall, framed and blown up to 5x6 feet each... But more seriously Howly’s... ‘interest’ in Latino men (Looking at Leo and Devon) is on full blast here... and by god am I looking.

Two two fall asleep on the couch together, both exhausted from the day

Insane Posting: Chase’s musky ass didn’t shower and Leo was fucking smooshing him into that couch... Hot

Friday opens with the two at the library, Chase actually working on his project doing some research. Chase learns that the man in the story was real, and that he reported being saved by some creature.

HOWLY PLEASE. Literally learning the cost of staying with him like this. Not learning or changing, but literally dangling his legs into the abyss.

Leo bugs Chase to grab dinner and the two make plans on where to eat.

This is such a dark and twisted view into Leo. Up until now, beyond anger issues, he’s been relatively ‘okay’. But this is where thing turn manipulative and truly concerning. Not only for what he’s doing, but for outright lying to Chase. Leo’s a troubled man, and this turn to outright manipulation and control to get what he wants is dark and fascinating... It isn’t enough for me to ‘cancel’ him myself, or completely disavow the two (as highlighted later), but it’s definitely one of the very much actual ‘red flags’ Leo displays. This is where he’s at his lowest point in my opinion. There’s a difference between coddling and ignoring the situation he’s manipulating (Agreeing with Chase with the music, only pulling strings) to OUTRIGHT lying, bringing it up to put others down... to lessen them to Chase. One of the more intense things Leo does in the whole novel.

The two eat at a steakhouse, Leo insisting he buys, and on the way back they take a detour to Payton High, the pair’s old school. They reminiscence about school, Intimate begins to play. Chase mentions he would repeat high-school to fix mistakes, while Leo wants to relive it for its own sake. Chase learns that Leo is deeply tied to his past, upset he doesn’t feel the same anymore. 

This is their doomed fate I love so much. They share interests, mutual body attractiveness, displays of affection, and bond and find comfort in each other... but fundamentally they want or need different things. Echo bound them together, anchoring each other to the rocks of the craggy shore... And in that web of mistrusts and falsehoods and circumstance... love bloomed. Leo and Chase truly care for each other, they truly want each other to be happy, and both WANT to be happy with the other. But their rock, their flag in the sand, their Rubicon... IS Echo. It IS the game. It IS the point. The point isn’t that they’re toxic and abusive and hate each other deep down. It’s that they’ve built themselves up and torn themselves down on the idea of the past, both positive and negative. Of Echo, of the Town itself, of The Entity and the Player and of Sam, of the things that make up the ugly and good: together. It’s tied together fused forcibly and neither of them are able to TRULY dissect and separate themselves from it (Insert Micha in Brian’s trailer) from it. Sure Chase agrees to try Echo again... but only for Leo himself, not because he’s okay with the idea, or receptive to loving or even just living in the town. It’s all at a cost to himself, to his freedom, and to each other. The two can’t move on or find happiness when neither of them is truly willing to compromise... and that’s why they’ll be each other’s Sunset. That’s why they can’t work... because just like this town, they’re only moving in circles...

Chase comforts the wolf, the two embracing on the stadium stand.

This is where my main ‘defense’ of Leo comes from. He’s a troubled man but he’s willing to try and learn. He’s willing to make himself better, to make his partner happy. Deep down all he wants is TO love, to provide and be with someone who makes him happy. His motives are good... his actions aren’t the smartest.

Leo pours his heart out to Chase, begging him to stay. Chase is hesitant, not wanting to stay tied to the town. Leo tells Chase to try again after school, even if it’s just for awhile. So that they’ll know for sure.

And the crux of it all.. Leo wants closure. Three years ago Chase just didn’t break his heart, but left the wolf in state of chaos. He couldn’t move on, couldn’t accept the hand fate dealt him. Leo wants that chance. He truly believes that Chase and him CAN work, that the two deserve to TRY. Leo wants to give what’s in his heart to someone else... He doesn’t take the best actions, hell he probably doens’t know HOW to. But the wolf is trying... trying to fight for what he wants. The fact its wrong and sick makes it even more compelling...

Damn Chase... what else is going to STRIKE you.... But more seriously, the author is reminding/foreshadowing that ignoring everything comes at a cost...

The track Bittwerseet begins to play when Chase chooses Leo. 

...

The two embrace and kiss passionately on the stadium steps, the two feeling each other’s love.

The scene switches to the two on Leo’s bed, the two doing a bit more than ‘fooling around’. The scene cuts to afterwards, Leo singing in the shower with Chase on the bed. Leo’s phone wakes up the groggy otter and we’re met with a Choice…

And that’s where we’ll cut it for here. This part was EXTREMELY emotionally taxing (positive) so I wanted it to be a bit shorter, and this next part needed to be cut in half for the Spoiler Free version. Feel free to choose either option and read until the next choice (this screen):

Sidenote: I love this visual bug when fast forwarding to this screen LMAO.

For next Week, Spoiler will be in one post and you can read as normal, but Spoiler Free will be separated into two separate posts. I would recommend waiting until the end of the Route to read the ‘other’ side, but this changes will reconvene after the choice that leads to the next day.

Thank you again everyone, and especially listen to me rant about Leo Alvarez for forever ~

#zombie book club #furry visual novel book club #echo vn #echovn #echo project #echoproject #echo visual novel #echovisualnovel

[bats-in-the-snow]

Pfp by @/pupbytee om Twitter!! PLEASEEE GO FOLLOW THEM THEY'RE SO AWESOME

Full drawing!

[madness to the third degree]

Banner by the STINKY. STINKY STINKY @gnawdar

Full banner!!

just married :)

Warning:

Do not quote, mention, or talk about the Mandela Catalogue on this blog. (in dms and asks, not gonna say you can't reblog stuff ofc etc) It's a block if you do, even for moots.

NITRO AND ROBUX COMMSIONS OPEN!!

STIMBOARD REQUESTS ALSO OPEN!!

All my art will be tagged with #art drawn in the snow, my ocs will be tagged with #beings made by the mind, my stimboards will be tagged #dancing in the snow, and my writing will be tagged #words carved into stone!

PLEASEEEEEE send me asks i LOVE asks

Please please PLEASE reblog!! It's the only way to help more people see my content!! (Tumblr also fucks up quality so make sure to click on the actual image for better quality) --> Good post abt why you should rb art

I regularly reblog my own art cause I'm an attention whore

My main ao3 for oc writing separate from The Big House!!

I'm an artist on @wedrawyouroc, and a mod on @picturesofponies!

The Nurse and The Doctor (Canceled, new game will be coming out eventually!)

Heya hi!! You can call me Jax! I use Any/All, and I'm in a billion fandoms at this point and on Tumblr all the time, so if your feed is insane that's probably me.

PLEASEEEEEE ASK TO DO ART TRADES I LOVE ART TRADES

Queer Trans and has problems

If you see me following over and over it's cause my tumblr glitches and makes me follow/unfollow people I don't mean to I'm sorry 😭

If you follow me there is a 99% chance we will become mutuals

bats-in-the-snow on Art fight

bats_inthesnow on Insta

bunnet_7 on TikTok

Bats_in_the_snow on Toyhouse

Link to all my current ocs refs!

CURRENTLY READING HOMESTUCK!! expect me to start posting about it soon (its already started....): Started on January 16th, on page 3879(I'll update when I remember)

#art drawn in the snow #beings made by the mind #dancing in the snow #words carved into stone #The Nurse and The Doctor

[ashes-writing]

wild one pt nine | stranger things ; g.emerson

tag list || req rules / fandoms+characters ; reqs open || send me asks? || masterlist

CHAPTERS ; 

one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight can all be found by clicking. the stranger things masterlist is here but be warned it is not up to date. will be soon though.

AUTHORS NOTES;

i told y'all this story has me in a chokehold and it wasn't over with that last part i posted. This part may or may not have loosely been inspired by something that happens in one of my favorite movies, Dazed and Confused. IYKYK. Basically, this is them, going through their senior year. I know it seems happy now, but I warn you, there may be angst at some point, idk yet. Depends on what way I take this and what comes to me whilst writing.

Huge thanks and all of my love to everyone, all of you. You have no much it means to me that people are even putting up with, let alone indulging my bullshit because when I started to post my writing online again, I went into it with nothing beyond the expectation of getting it out of my head and to say I am continuously blown away by you guys comments, the likes, the reblogs/reblogs with tags, oh my god, that's an understatement, you guys have kept me going with things more times than I can count, so thank you all, I love you sm.

SUMMARY;

-- cheerleaders and drummers. you'd think it doesn't work and yet... it totally does.

PAIRING;

Gareth Emerson x Fem!Reader (beyond outfit/hairstyles/glasses, her personality and having female parts, the rest is up to you. i did try to make her not so much a stereotypical cheerleader so maybe more could relate, sorry if it's too much.)

WARNINGS;

these two being adorable and awkward. Mentions of hickies, making out -kinda, use of petnames (Baby, little chaos demon, etc) and swearing.

TAGLIST;

@aurumbelis

@allelitesmut

@aries-arcade

@cole22ann

@ebonybloom

@hcloangcls

@heyaitsklaudia

@hoeshii

@hotgirlsshareaccounts

@icequeen1371

@krys-orion

@letsbedragonstogether

@littlestarfighter03

@louderfortheback

@musichealsscars

@oflavenderandevie

@secretsicanthideanymore

@suits-and-smirks

@scoobiessnacks

@thechoiceslookgrimm are the only people who are presently on my stranger things taglist. if you want to be added please click the link at the top of the post and/or let me know.

OTHER STUFF;

Set in S4/Senior year. Gareth / everyone has been aged up to 18 to make things age appropriate here, jsyk. The upside down / vecna / the monsters and the deaths do not happen / will not happen. Starcourt exists still. So does Benny's diner + a few other places I'll be adding and mentioning (a water tower, a roller rink, a county fair in another town, several other places).

Neither of you really knew what to expect. Things were up in the air, unsettled. Kissing is just kissing in high school, after all. And uncertainty was driving Gareth Emerson utterly insane. It’s driving you insane too, the problem with this is that for days now, neither of you seem willing to be the one to ask the big question.

Granted, things have been… Touchier. More affectionate. And you’re always together, too. It should be a clear cut answer, a done deal. But for him, it’s not. He needs to know, he needs to be absolutely certain this is really happening and it’s as serious as he feels it may be.

It’s front and center of his mind the entire time that he’s practicing with the band out in Jeff’s garage. He’s missing beats, he’s dazed and staring off into space and every now and then he’ll remember how carried away you got the night before when you were kissing out by the water tower and the small bruise sitting on the side of his neck right now as an end result. Or he’ll think about a similar one he left on your throat.

“Jesus, Gareth.” Grant palms his face after about the fifth or sixth time Gareth is just a beat behind in the song they’re practicing for the next show. Eddie sits down the guitar and gazes up at Gareth calmly. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

Jeff is the one who notices the little purple mark and he chuckles, shaking his head. “Distracted, huh?”

Gareth flips off his best friend wordlessly.

“Look, you need to get your fucking head on, buddy. We’ve got a gig tomorrow night. Start talkin.” Eddie coaxes. Gareth lets it all spill out, pacing the garage as he twirls his drumsticks in his hands. “And I mean obviously, something’s happening,” he pulls the neck of his shirt away so that now, Grant and Eddie catch sight of the little mark. Eddie chuckles and shakes his head. “Why’s anybody need t’ say anything, though?”

“Because, man.. I don’t wanna assume one thing and then school starts next week and I find out “Oh, hey, this was just something fun to do for the summer because I was bored.” or whatever.” Gareth rubs the bridge of his nose as he stops in the middle of his pacing.

“She’s babysitting your sisters again tonight, right?” Grant asks, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Yeah.”

“So ask her, idiot. Stop getting distracted and do it already.” Jeff is calm when he says it. He’s trying not to laugh but it’s so funny, the whole situation is really, that he snickers about it just a little and Gareth glares.

“Yeah, if it helps, man… Kinda heard her talking to Max about it the other day. She wants to say something too, she just chickens out.” Eddie shrugs as he says it. Gareth nods, biting the edge of his thumb. “Yeah, I try to say something, y’know? Like.. I try to ask her but the words keep getting stuck.”

“One of you needs to say something.”

“Look, let’s call practice today. You, go home. Stop dancing around this, damn it. We’ve got a gig. And we’ve got that first Battle of the Bands coming up when the fair comes through and I am not letting those shitbirds from Riverton with their shitty hair metal cover prettyboy bullshit beat us again this year. Do something, for the love of fuck.” Eddie places his hands on Gareth’s arms, a firm look in his eyes as he makes the demand.

“Okay, alright.”

Gareth leaves Jeff’s house, using the entire time he’s driving back to his own place to figure out exactly how to bring it up.

By the time he’s parking behind your red Trans Am in his parents driveway, he’s no closer to figuring out how to go about doing this than he was when he left Jeff’s place.

– ( inside the house )

You’re on pins and needles. Max and Emma’s earlier advice is still bouncing around in your head and you’ve halfway convinced yourself that one of you has to say something, one of you has to be the one to bring it up.

You’ve just gotten his sisters bedded down for the night when you hear him come in the front door downstairs. You pause at the top of the landing and you take several deep breaths. One of you has to do this. If you don’t find out soon, it’s going to drive you insane. “I can do this. It’s not a big deal.” and you mumble this all the way down the stairs, distracted. You bump against him because he’s standing in the middle of the bottom stair and you look up, a heat creeping into your cheeks as you smile. “I thought you’d be at Jeff’s until later. Battle of the Bands, right?”

His hands skim up and down your sides and linger at your hips for a few seconds and you’re stepping closer, that space between your bodies is getting smaller and smaller by the second. His hand settles on your jaw gently and he’s tugging your gaze upward. Blue eyes dance when they catch on the purpled mark on your throat. You lick your lips and he melts into you, nose in your hair. “They didn’t give you hell, right? They were bouncing off the walls before I left.”

“Nope. They were little angels, I don’t see where you keep getting this hidden demon logic, ba-” you pause because you know what you were about to say. And looking up at him, you know he probably has a good idea what you were about to say because he takes a deep breath and his hand digs against your waist, fingers tracing designs against your bare skin hidden beneath his flannel. “What were you going to say just now, hm?” he questions. You’re looking at his chest, frantically hoping to hell a hole will open up in the floor or something, worried you’ve probably just crossed a huge line considering while you both seem to enjoy all the touching and the kissing and the long talks that have happened lately, nothing’s actually… official.

You mumble it out against the front of his shirt and he can’t quite understand you because his shirt muffles your voice, so he reaches down and grabs your jaw again. “C’mon, say it.” he coaxes.

“Baby, I… I almost called you baby.” you’re hot all over. Blue eyes gleam, darting from your eyes down to your lips. He’s got a soft and dopey grin, his thumb rolls over you bottom lip, leaves it quivering. You melt against him just a little, raising your arms to wrap around his neck. Laughing at yourself quietly. “Sorry, I.. I just didn’t stop before it came out?”

“No, it’s fine. Completely fine… baby.” he chuckles quietly, guiding your jaw so that you’re looking at him when he says it. 

And one of you has to say something, one of you has to do something. You take a shaky breath and you’re preparing yourself to just do it, go for it already. “W-what are we doing? I mean.. Uh.. Shit..” you rub the bridge of your nose, laughing at yourself because once again, you’re a rambling mess, “What is this?”

“What do you want it to be, hm?” he asks the question, quick to grip your jaw and keep you looking at him. Waiting. His breath hung in his throat because it’s dramatic, yes, but somehow it just feels like everything is riding on this one answer. It’s not that serious and he knows it, yet somehow, he’s worked up, worried, so fucking anxious because he wants to believe there’s something between you but he’s not brave enough to hope.

“Well, I uh..” you’re squirming a little. Emotional shit has always been Emma’s forte. Chrissy’s, even. Not yours. Blame it on being raised by a single father who taught you more about how to take care of yourself and pick locks or play pool and darts, the man who taught you how to drive a stick shift like you stole it instead of teaching you how to handle certain delicate situations. The man nearly lost his shit entirely when you started going through PMS at 12. So you know how to do a lot of things… Handling emotionally charged conversations is not one of them.

But you’re not stupid. You know that not knowing has been driving you crazy and the sooner this is out there and it’s been said, the better off you are. This way if this is just an end of summer fling, at least you know, right?

“C’mon, little chaos demon.” he coaxes patiently. Though the longer you take to say anything, the more he’s doubting, the more time he has to convince himself that maybe this is just a fling. You take a deep breath. “I wanna be your girl, okay?” and the fact that you’re grumbling and annoyed with yourself because it took so much to say something so simple has him chuckling quietly because this is what leads him to realize that you really are kind of skittish talking about things like this sometimes. It makes sense.

But more than anything, he’s soaring, he’s on cloud nine, no, he’s on the moon right now and your answer means more to him than you realize. When he melts into you and his hands are all over you as he gives you a kiss so gentle and deep that you’re weak in the knees by the time it’s over and clinging to him because you were almost out of oxygen, “You are, okay? All mine.” he mumbles as he pulls away after nipping at your bottom lip. 

You’re giving him that grin again. Then you’re grabbing his hand, dragging him towards the kitchen. “Susan uh.. She taught me how to make somethin else. You’re hungry, right?” you’re rambling and it’s the cutest damn thing. He chuckles, hugging against you from behind as you explain how fucking complicated it was at first to process how Susan made the shepherds pie she taught you how to make and he laughs when you tell him about his sisters just eating the mashed potatoes with their little hands. He nuzzles his nose into your neck and his lips graze your skin, your words trail off because he’s good at flustering you and you can feel him smirk against your skin because he knows he’s good at flustering you.

Finally, he reaches up over you to grab two plates and he nods to the chair at the table. “Go sit down, babe. I got it, ‘kay?”

“ ‘Kay.” you slink over to the chair and sit down in it and you’re laughing, smiling as he’s telling you about Eddie going on a ten minute tangent about the band in Riverton they’re going up against at Battle of the Bands.

“They play hair metal, so naturally, Eddie hates ‘em.” Gareth takes a bite, laughing. “And you know how he is about winning and losing. They’ve beaten us at Battle for two years? Maybe three. Anyway, yeah. He’s been exploding all week about it since we signed up to do it when the fair comes around again.”

“Oooh..” you laugh, taking a bite when he sits the plate he’s made for you down in front of you. “So the coach sent this stupid pledge we all have to sign in the mail today. I’m not signing the damn thing yet. I mean I probably will eventually, I just think it’s fucking stupid, y’know?” you’re ranting, rolling your eyes. “And of course, nearly everybody else has signed the damn thing.”

“What’s it say?” Gareth asks.

You dig around in your jeans pocket, taking it out to hand it across the table to him. When he starts to mock the basketball coach, you nearly double over laughing, your laughter getting worse the more he reads the pledge in that tone. He finishes reading and he sits it down. “It’s bullshit, y’know that right, baby? What’s Emma gonna do?”

“She doesn’t know either. She showed Gretchen, her mom and Gretchen pitched a fit and told her it was bullshit and if she signs it then everything she’s taught her as a kid means nothin. My dad told me do whatever? I’m gonna hold off.” you take a bite.

“What are they gonna do if you don’t sign it anyway?”

You shrug at his question. “Don’t know, don’t really care either. I’m literally a breath away from quitting, you know that. I told you that when we were up at the tower.”

“Yeah.” Gareth nods. “If you hate it, just quit.”

You nod. “I’m only hanging on right now for Em and Chris. I promised them I would when we made it together in 9th grade?”

“Yeah well.. You know it’s not gonna matter to me, right? I just want you to do whatever makes you happier.” he’s grabbed your hand over the table and you smile, nodding. “I know.” you lean across to brush your lips against his cheek. “You’re a sweetheart.”

He’s blushing just a little but he shrugs. “You’re my girl, I’m gonna take your side. Unless you’re about to do something stupid, then I’m gonna tell you.”

“Ha ha.” you flip him off, sticking out your tongue.

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